#which is fine! but if she's busy then I have no one else y'know

[guppybibi]

Tattoo artist!Johnny who had already met you a year ago when you made an impulsive decision of getting a tattoo with your current boyfriend's name.

This was nothing new for Johnny having seen this numerous times before, in both men and women, and he knows they'll come crawling back to get them covered up after a nasty breakup. It's been a running game in the shop, all of the workers betting their money on how long it'll take before the customer comes back to cover up the tattoo.

Nothing new, right? Then why was Johnny so surprised when he saw you walk into the shop, the door chimes ringing when you swing the door open to reveal you. Eyes still red and puffy while you sniffled, not doing a very good job on hiding the fact you had been crying. His coworkers shot him a knowing look, recalling the bet from last year.

"Pretty thing, ain't she?" One of Johnny's coworkers commented, looking at the back of your figure as you stepped out of the shop with a huge grin on your face. Probably excited to show the tattoo of your boyfriend's name to him.

"Yeah, too bad she's taken. Lucky man better be treatin' her right." Johnny remarks, noticing the look he was given. "Not for long, I bet. I'm giving them a year max." Johnny blinks once, then again. "Fine, I'm giving them five years." Of course, his coworker was pretty shocked from that. Out of all the people they've bet on, this was probably the longest bet Johnny had ever put.

"Seriously? Don't ya think that's too long?" His coworker asks skeptically, raising a brow at Johnny. "Aye, the gal is lovely. If her boyfriend drops her then that's like committing a war crime." Well, his coworker couldn't really disagree with him on that.

Johnny shoots his coworker a glare that simply said he had more important matters to attend to. Luckily, Johnny was a charmer so cooing a birdie like you into comfort shouldn't be that hard, right?

I mean, it's a break up, not exactly the end of the world here. Plus, you're a gorgeous gal, plenty of fish out there you could probably catch in less than an hour.

"Morning, lass! Welcome back, I see that you've got a little problem, huh?" He points out, seeing you nod subtly. "Alright, I'm assuming it's a cover up for the tattoo you got done a year ago?"

He clearly wasn't surprised when you nodded, having seen this too many times before. He wrote down some stuff, not caring about the paperwork much..before leading you further into the parlor.

The two of you discussed how you wanted the previous tattoo to get covered up, Johnny nudging in to suggest some stylistic choices a few times, which you gladly didn't mind.

Then began the process once you agreed with the design choice, you wanted to get this over with. To remove a past mistake from your life.

Johnny cleansed your skin, disinfecting it with a cold gel. He could see you squirming and struggling not to make a sound. He also does notice another tattoo covered up above your previous tattoo, curiosity swirling around in his mind now.

He tried hushing it, it wasn't any of his business. He's here to do his job, nothing else.

He was quiet for most of the process, aside from some rather awkward small talk about the weather and a few details of what happened between you and your boyfriend. Not that it helped, it really just made Johnny even more curious.

And finally, after who knows how long, the tattoo was covered up now! You seemed to have gotten rid of the nerves from earlier, looking a lot more calmer now.

"Alright, lass. I'm sure y'know how the caring process goes so I'll leave it up to ye." He said, cleaning up all his materials in a snap. He gives in to his curiosity, finding the courage in him to ask you about the other covered up tattoo.

"Uh..before you go lass, mind if I ask ye somethin'? It's about the other tattoo you got 'ere.." You immediately knew which one he was referring to, face reddening in embarrassment as you recalled the immature decision..

"Aah..sure, go ahead." You replied awkwardly, a sheepish smile gracing your face. "Thanks, lass. Mind if ye tell me what was written on there? I- I just noticed that the way it was covered up. The artist did a great job, I'm jealous."

Yeah okay he was just making excuses to get things flowing..never mind that.

"Oo..oh! I don't mind at all, don't worry. That's all in the past..can't really reverse it, you know? It was my ex-boyfriend's name." You answer, shrugging it off. Seems like you were the type of gal to move on from a relationship quick.

"I see, glad you were willing to share that. I wonder if I know who he is." He chuckles, evidently not expecting you to actually tell him who it was. Sure, Johnny was the type to encourage people to loosen up and get comfortable. But..maybe not to this extent.

"His name was Simon, Simon Riley—" And practically everything you said after that was unheard of.

Looks like Johnny needs to pay Simon a visit at the pub tonight.

[music-for-them-asses]

Man, I gotta vent and get this out of my head for a second. I moved to this city in 2020. Nearly 4 years later, and I still haven't made any local friends. One of my friends moved a few years ago. My other friends are in surrounding cities, but it takes time to see them (so we only get together about once a month). All my other friends live in other parts of the country. And then all my awesome Tumblr friends live elsewhere in the country, or on another continent. My point being: I love all my friends, they keep me sane, but I wish they lived near me!! It's so hard making new friends from "scratch." I'm trying more than I ever have, but it's still hard!! I spend so much time by myself. I feel like I'm trying hard, but not hard enough. It's so frustrating. I know friendship isn't built in a day. I just need to see the same people more on a regular basis to form relationships, I guess. 😐😐😐

Anyway, vent over. Thanks for listening 🤗

[yesimwriting]

oh my god yes i'm very much interested in a drabble about my favourite besties kissing as besties do!!!!!!!!

the one that i really can't stop thinking about is the "i trust you more than anyone else" stuff like it's me and you against the world i'm such a sucker for that!! especially since felix is surrounded by people who wanna be close to him all the time and as easy going and open as he seems with anyone, it's of course on an entirely different level with reader

ugh the intimacy of it all makes me melt i love them😭😭

you get the vision!!

also had to start off a little angstier than usual bc the bestie kiss ™️ is only justifiable if both of them are upset enough to be more focused on being close than anything else, y'know

----

The taste lingers. The bitterness infects all it touches, poisoning you from the inside out as you down the drink that some guy pushed into your hand a few minutes ago.

A familiar warning briefly flashes to the front of your mind. Don't take drinks from strangers...especially not drinks that you didn't see them make. One of a hundred safety rules that you usually adhere to.

You've never really under the self destructive urge after drinking thing. Maybe it's just being tired. Maybe it's just this.

You wipe at your eyes with your palm, only remembering the products you had so carefully applied to your skin a few hours ago after the fact.

"Are you--" A familiar voice cuts through the music. You blink once, but it's not enough to force your eyes to adjust, so you try again. After screwing your eyes shut for a second, you can finally make out the person in front of you. Annabel. "You don't look like you're doing too good."

Your irritation has nothing to do with her, and yet seeing her standing there, effortlessly flawless with a slight edge that just fits here, you feel the knot in your stomach tighten. But that's not her fault, so as stabiliy and politely as possible, you answer, "I'm...fine."

She regards you for a moment, eyebrows pinching together in uncertainty. "Why don't we find Felix, yeah?"

Why does everyone always assume that Felix is the solution to all of your problems? "I'm okay," you try again, voice a little more certain, "really."

Annabel still doesn't seem too convinced. She turns her head, scanning the crowded room. It doesn't take long for her to find Felix. It never does.

He's sitting on a loveseat that's been pushed towards the edge of the room. A few people are standing around him, a girl is sitting on the chair's arm, her legs swung over his lap.

"And he seems..." You force your face to remain neutral as your eyes finally land on him. "Busy."

Annabel looks back at you, her lips pressing together. Her expression only adds to your unease. "He wouldn't mind. It's you."

You shake your head, the motion adding to your slight nausea. Usually, you wouldn't think twice about sticking by Felix's side. Especially in this kind of setting, but after the words the two of you exchanged earlier, everything feels off its axis.

You're not used to fighting with Felix. It's such a foreign concept that the strange tension that had you walking away from him earlier probably doesn't even constitute an actual argument. But it's enough to make you feel out of place.

Swallowing once, you force yourself to focus on Annabel. "I think I just need some air." Annabel's still regarding you with uncertainty. "I'll be back in a minute, and if I feel sick or anything, I'll go get Felix." She doesn't move until someone calls her name. "Go. Have fun. I'll see you."

Annabel nods once, giving you a polite smile before leaving.

The door is near where Felix is sitting, which means there's no leaving without walking past him. There's enough of a crowd around him that him not noticing is a likely option, so you feel safe crossing the room.

You push your way through the room, eyes trained on the ground to help your balance. It's also a good excuse to not look at Felix as you reach the door.

There are stragglers--a group of girls chatting and giggling in front of the door, some guys doing shots, a girl in the middle of a phone call that looks painful.

You walk around the side of the house until you find an empty section of the sidewalk. The party feels far away here, even though the only thing dividing you is a few cars, a mailbox, and a streetlight. You sit and let yourself pretend that the bit of distance you've managed to create means something.

You could actually leave. Sure, this is a slightly off campus house party, but it's only a few blocks away from the street that'll take you to your dorm. You did walk here, but that was when you were focused, sober, and you had Felix with you.

But that's--you brought cash. You think. Maybe you should call a cab. It's not the worst idea. You drop your attention to the ground, instinctually searching for your purse.

Ugh. Your purse. Felix. You gave it to Felix.

Okay, you're still an independent person. This is probably for the best. It's never a good idea to leave a party without at least telling the person you came with, and this way it won't be a big deal. You'll ask for your purse so that you can call a cab. He probably won't even care.

You just need a minute to get it together. Then you'll be able to go back in, tap Felix on his shoulder, and get your purse. He won't even have to get that girl off his lap.

It is such a double standard. Felix completely forgetting about you is perfectly fine, but you talk to one person that isn't more Felix's friend than yours at one of these things and that must mean you're trying to replace him as a best friend.

Maybe you've been deluding yourself, convincing yourself that your friendship means more than it actually does. The thought makes it hard to breathe right.

"It's cold out."

Your palms press into asphalt as you snap your head to find the source of the sound. Felix. A lump wedges itself in your throat. "I'm fine." He takes a step forward. "I just wanted some air."

You turn your head, forcing yourself to stare ahead. Soft footsteps, the crunching of asphalt echoes, somehow sharper than the music coming from the house. Felix sits.

He's farther than he usually is.

You lift your hands, taking your time brushing your fingers against your palms to get rid of the debris that indented itself into your skin. "You um--you have my purse, right?" You fold your hands against your lap. "I need my phone. I--I need to call a taxi."

"What?" His voice doesn't come out angry, but there's a flatness there that burrows deep into the pit of your stomach. It almost feels disappointed. "Why?"

You squeeze your hands together, "I want to go home." You still can't look at him. "I want to go back to my room." Your voice starts to crack on the last word. Nails instinctually dig into your knee.

Felix sighs, angling himself towards you, "You don't have to do that." His voice is soft, cautious. "If you want to leave, I'll take you."

"No," you shake your head once, attention still focused forward to keep him from noticing the fact that your eyes are now watering. All of this feels so dumb, so small. Why are you almost crying? "It's okay, you're having fun, I can get back by myself."

He lets out another breath, moving his arm so that his hand sits between both of you. "You're drunk."

"So are you."

A beat of silence that feels like an attempt at admitting that he's more than just drunk. You saw Tyler--or Trevor, or maybe Timothy--wandering the halls. Some guy whose name you can never remember because he only shows up at the end of nights, when you're too out of it to do much more than just be happy. He's known for carrying--and sharing--harder stuff.

Not that you'd know. There's nowhere that Felix won't take you, nothing that he keeps from you. That's part of the beauty of your friendship, the lack of judgement. But Felix isn't fond of you participating in everything all the time.

If you ever show interest in anything on a night that Felix isn't feeling too sure about, he'll offer to get you whatever you want later, when it's just the two of you. Maybe you'd mind his concern if you cared about getting high more.

You can feel Felix's stare, the weight of his full attention. "You don't actually think I'm going to let you go anywhere alone, after drinking, in the middle of the night."

There's a patience there that makes it hard to sit still. You turn your head, finally looking at him, "I'm fine. I can--" You cut yourself off with a slight sniffle.

You wipe at your face with the side of your palm. Felix's eyebrows are pinched together. You don't know what to make of the way he's watching you. Felix lifts his hand, fingers finding their way against your jaw before you can move. "You're upset."

Pressing your lips together, you try to force yourself to look as neutral as possible. "I'm fine." He doesn't move. "You should go back to your party, Felix."

"The party?" His expression briefly contorts in confusion. "I don't care about the party." Your vision is starting to blur. "There are other parties. You're crying." Felix shifts his hand up your face, his thumb brushing against the apple of your cheek.

You try to take a stabilizing breath, "It's not a big deal." You will yourself to move, to rely on him less. "I don't think I'm going to be any fun tonight, you should go, and I--I'll talk you tomorrow."

He frowns. "You don't have to be any fun." Felix shouldn't have to coddle you. Embarrassment and guilt further knot your stomach. "If you want to sit here, we can sit here. If you want to go inside, we can go inside. If you want to go home, we'll go home."

"Earlier," you manage, focusing on keeping your voice as even as possible, "When we--" Tears pool in your eyes, something at the back of your throat constricts. "I didn't--I don't know--"

You're not making sense, forcing out fragments of thoughts that don't work together. Felix seems to understand anyway, his thumb grazing against your cheek. "We don't have to talk about that now." You nod slowly. "If you still want to go home, let me take you."

You attempt a full breath, "But what ab--"

He tilts his head in a way that makes it feel like he's telling you a secret, "If you ask about the party again, I'm calling you delusional."

You roll your eyes. It's a relatively lame threat, but it serves its purpose. The corner of your mouth tugs itself upwards, your lips pressed together to hold in a partial laugh. "Okay."

Felix's hand slips from the side of your face and finds a new place against your shoulder. "Yeah? Let's go then."

He stands first and then extends an arm to help you. His stability makes it easier.

There is no laughter or pausing on sidewalks to try to hold onto each other. The two of you are quiet, but Felix does keep your fingers intertwined the entire way back to his dorm.

You don't think to question where he's taking you until you're in his room. "Felix." The walk had been good for you, the fresh air and time to gather your thoughts providing enough of a reprieve for you to get it together. "I want to go to sleep."

"Yeah," he mumbles, "I know, I'll get you your favorite shirt."

Your eyes focus on the ground. "I think I should sleep in my room tonight."

Felix sighs, turning away from the door. "You're trying to leave again."

The accusation only half makes sense, but there's a quietness to his voice that gets to you. All the nervous, alcohol fueled energy is coming back with a vengeance. "When have I ever left you?"

Felix scoffs, the sound bitter. "You left me tonight." If his voice was any less raspy, any less urging, you likely would have laughed. He's the one that got mad at you. "You just--you walked away from me. Like I didn't even matter to you."

The a thinly veiled sadness there that almost feels nervous. He can't meet your gaze. The pride encouraging you to stand still bleeds from you. Without its heat, its fire, there's not much keeping you stable.

You move forward, footsteps cautious. "Felix." You stretch a hand forward, fingers brushing against his forearm. He doesn't move. "Of course you matter to me. So much." Your fingers bend around his wrist. "You're my best friend."

He turns his arm. Your body tenses, preparing for his rejection. Felix's hand squeezes yours. There's a tension in his hold, but you embrace it all the same. "You walked away from me."

You take another step towards him, freehand finding his arm. "That's why." He sets a hand against you waist. The contact is firm, unforgiving. There's still hurt, but the only thing more unthinkable than holding on is letting go. "What you say means so much to me, because you're my best friend." His fingers press into your side. "And you were upset--and there were so many people--" Tears prick the corner of your eyes. "And I couldn't do that there."

"No." He squeezes your hand. "No, don't--don't cry, we're okay." As if to prove his point, Felix pulls you closer. The movement's too sudden for you to keep your balance on your own. You tighten your hold on Felix's arm. "Still my best girl, yeah?"

This is nowhere near the closest you've ever been to him. He has a hand on your hip, but that's far from the touchiest he's ever been. It shouldn't--he shouldn't be this distracting. It takes you a second too long to remember to nod.

He angles his head downwards, his cheek finding a place against your shoulder. Felix's breath is warm against your neck. "Wouldn't leave me."

You nod, moving your hand to rest against his back. Felix relaxes against you. It's not easy to stay stable with the alcohol still in your system and Felix's weight on you, but you manage.

"No." You mean it so much it almost hurts to get out. You'd never walk away from him. There's nothing like your bond with Felix. You could talk to him, be around him forever without feeling drained. "Of course not."

Felix turns his head, brushing his lips against your neck. "Stay over, then?" The question is soft, fragile. It'd be smart to create distance. If tonight's proven anything, it's that you're too attached to him. "Please?"

You smooth your knuckles against his spine. "Okay." He presses a kiss against your shoulder. "Yeah. I'll stay."

He hugs you even tighter. "No more tears, alright?"

You squeeze him back. "Alright."

For awhile, the two of you stay like that. There's nothing left to say, and that still manages to be comfortable. Silence is never uncomfortable with Felix.

He eventually shifts to place a kiss against the side of your neck. "We should get ready for bed."

You hum once in agreement. Neither of you move. Things are simple when you factor out the rest of the world. Things are easy when it's just you and Felix.

An overwhelming wave of fondness brings you back. As gently as possible, you start the process of untangling limbs. Felix pouts at you, expression drowsier than before.

Your fingers carefully brush his hair out of his face. "I need to change."

Felix fully straightens. His hand finds the back of your head. He pulls you towards him, pressing a kiss against your forehead. "Okay."

He lets go of you before walking towards his dresser. Felix opens the top drawer and finds your usual sleep shirt. You take it before entering his bathroom.

Going out outfits are cute, but there's something about the moment you get home that immediately forces every ounce of discomfort to hit all at once. You shed the restrictive layers before pulling Felix's T-shirt over your head.

You swear there's some kind of rich guy secret to keeping clothes this soft. A combination of fabric, fancy detergent, and some third thing that's reserved for those in the know.

You turn on the sink, ready to wash what's left of the night off of your face. Felix has never gotten rid of or moved anything you've left in here. What's left of your buzz has you more emotional than usual, making the evidence of your life in his space heavier than it should be.

The feeling is good and bad all at once. Your attachment to Felix is the kind of thing that can only come from fully understanding someone. But there's an inherent danger in knowing someone like that, carrying about them like that. Especially Felix, who has everyone so he doesn't need anyone.

You splash some more water onto your face, attempting to shake off any lingering angst. You don't want to dissect your friendship until it eventually falls apart into nothingness.

When you finally step back into his room, Felix is sitting on his bed, back pressed against the wall. He's managed to change into pajama pants, but seems to be struggling with everything else. His shirt's half unbuttoned, and his fingers are actively working at undoing the rest of them. Felix's movements are slow and clumsy as he tugs on the fabric.

Wow. Maybe you were right to think he was high. "Hey." He looks up at you, hands still attempting to pull apart his shirt. There's something endearing about the clumsiness. He drops his head back down to refocus."Do you--uh--do you need help?"

He angles his head to one side, a smile playing at his lips. "Are you asking to undress me?"

Heat burns through your chest, leaving you hollow. You approach his dresser, leaving your neatly folded outfit on the wooden surface. "Figure out your own shirt."

"No," his sigh is light, almost a laugh, "'M kidding." Your glare only seems to add to his easygoing mood. He smiles, dropping a hand to pat the space next to him. "Come here."

You give in with a sigh, crossing the room and sitting at the foot of his bed. He reaches forward, briefly squeezing your shoulder before returning to work on his shirt. It's hard to watch him stumble through undoing a single button, just to have to start the process all over again.

You pull your legs onto the bed, turning to fully face him. Your knee is pressed against his thigh.

"Lovie," he hums, as if your presence is some kind of revelation.

"Felix." He grins, hands releasing his shirt in favor of trying to grasp your arm. "Wait--" His fingers wrap around your wrist. "I'm--trying--" He pulls your hand towards him, placing a kiss against your knuckles. You laugh. "I'm trying to help you."

He tugs on your arm. His pull isn't harsh, but the unexpectedness of it paired with your buzz makes it enough to throw off your balance. Your freehand presses against the mattress in an attempt to stabilize yourself. Felix laughs, tugging on you again.

Fighting your own fit of giggles, you instinctually push yourself onto your knees in an attempt to regain some control. Felix gives you a second to find your footing. You gently pull his hand off of your forearm and set it on his lap. He frowns.

You extend your arms, placing your hands on his shoulders. Part of the reason for it is to help keep you stable, the rest of it is to keep him focused. He looks up at you, eyes pools of hesitant affection. "Stay still."

He lets you reach for his shirt. "Y'don't have to, I'm okay."

Shrugging, you continue to work at unclasping his buttons. "It's okay, I like helping you."

You unbutton the few buttons that are left. "Better?" Felix nods. "I'll get you a pajama shirt."

Before you can get far, Felix grabs your hand. "We're..." He focuses on bending and straightening your fingers. "Good, right?"

There's something soft about the question, almost shy. "Yeah." He turns over your palm, tracing the lines etched into your skin. "Of course we're good." You adjust, crossing your legs beneath you to sit down.

"Honestly, I was thinking about it, and part of the reason I was upset is because..." This is harder to admit than you thought it'd be. "You seemed really okay without me, and that--I don't know. It's dumb, because I really do want you to be happy, but it made me feel a little replaceable, I guess."

"What?"

You sigh, dropping your attention to your intertwined hands. "I know, I said it was dumb." You pause, eyes darting up to look at him. His expression isn't judgmental or like he needs space. You can't fully read his expression, but nothing about the way he's looking at you feels unkind. "I only mentioned it to be honest, I don't like the idea of keeping se--"

He pulls on your arm again, this time his hold a little firmer. You're closer now. Felix's other hand finds your hip, anchoring you in place. You're too confused to do anything but blink at him.

Felix lets go of your arm, fingers finding their way beneath your chin. He angles your head so that all of your attention is on him. Your lips part, a half thought out question is on the tip of your tongue when Felix leans towards you. His lips meet yours.

You're still, shock and something a lot more electric rendering you in capable of anything else. This isn't the first time Felix has pressed his lips against yours. He's affectionate, especially when drinking is involved. He'll brush his lips against yours after taking a shot together, or just because at the end of a long night. It's not an everyday thing, but it's happened from time to time.

This--this isn't that. He's lingering, lips parting so that his teeth can graze against your bottom lip. Felix pulls away just enough to look you in the eye. His thumb brushes across your cheek.

"You're my best friend." Felix's words are so urging, so pleading you nod before you can think. "Best mate. You're the--the only one that gets me. Really gets me." His hand moves to the back of your head, pulling you back to him.

Any sense of hesitance vanishes the second time he kisses you. He's all consuming, lips dragging against yours with a desperate patience that's dizzying. It's disorientating, the desire to be that much closer to someone when there's no way to get there.

Felix's hand finds your back. He pushes you towards him. There's no good way to oblige. You try anyway, shifting your weight back onto your knees. Felix pulls you forward by your waist. You're too focused on him to realize what's happening until you're on his lap.

He takes his time letting you go, teeth tugging on your bottom lip. "I trust you more than anyone." Felix leans back in, placing a quick kiss against your lips. "You're not replaceable." He squeezes your shoulder. "You know that, right?"

Still breathless, you nod. He's watching you with so much patience, so much care it's almost hard to bare.

His thumb smooths circles against your shoulder. "Let's go to bed, yeah?"

You lift his hand off your thigh to press a kiss against the back of his palm. "Yeah, lets go to bed."

He squeezes your shoulder once before letting you go. You move off of his lap carefully.

Felix sits up enough to push his shirt off of his shoulders. Your eyes instinctually fall to his sheets. "Do you want me to get you a shirt?"

"Why? Distracted?"

You roll your eyes in an attempt to the fact that you are struggling to look at him. "Shut up."

He grins as he pulls back his sheets. "M'okay." You take the opportunity to slip beneath the layers of fabric. Felix waits until you're settled to crawl beneath the sheets. "It's warm enough, even with you stealing my blankets."

"I do not," the sentence is more of a mock gasp than anything else. Felix shifts onto his side before collapsing his weight on you. "Felix."

"What?" He rests his cheek against your chest. "This is the only way to keep you from taking my sheets."

You sigh, feigning annoyance as your fingers find his hair. "Rude. I'm a great bed sharer."

Felix lets out a partial laugh against the side of your neck. His hand finds your hip. "You are pretty great."

Your hand trails down towards his back, nails grazing against the bare skin. "You are, too."

Silence stretches between the two of you for so long you assume that he's already fallen asleep. Felix has a talent for drifting off in the blink of an eye.

"Lovie?" He whispers the term so lowly you almost convince yourself the sound is a figment of your imagination.

"Yeah?"

You can feel the shift in his breathing. "It's you and me--just you and me, when it comes down to it." His thumb brushes up and down your side. "You know that."

He relaxes as your fingers trail down the start of his spine. "Yeah. Of course I know that." A part of you feels naive for believing his words so easily. He's too adored to just be your Felix at the end of the day, and yet-- "Just you and me."

Felix leaves an open mouthed kiss against collarbone. It's the kind of warm that leaves goosebumps breaking out everywhere the contact can't be felt. "Good."

----

taglist; @vader-is-hot @spiritofbuddha @getosangie @freyafriggafrey @ilovehyperfixating @aryiannarae @willowpains @ker0senebunny

[hazbinhotelxreader]

Hey, can I request a Yandere Lute x Female! Demon! Reader? (with smut)

• y'know that battle at the hotel during extermination day? Can Lute kidnap the reader while they are distracted with other exorcists and take them away through the portal to heaven? Then she drags them to a bedroom in heaven and proceeds to fuck the reader roughly (maybe with oral, sex toys, fingering)

P.S I love your writing

A/n: yea! And I’m glad you’re enjoying it! Most of the lute requests I’ve gotten from others are forced sex (AKA Rape). But I write it so that’s fine. Just don’t read if you don’t feel comfortable!

I DO NOT SUPPORT RAPE OR YANDERE IRL

(P.S, I’m not sure if this would be before or after she lost her arm, so I made it after)

Yandere lute x female reader smut

Words: 2k

“Stupid Sinner”

Warnings: rape, toys, forced oral, oral, Yandere, blood(light), fingering, kidnapping, abuse, gay sex, name calling, slight praise??, biting, sobbing, Dacryphilia

It was a bloody battle. Exorcists flying here and there, trying to kill off the citizens from cannibal town and your friends. You were friends with Charlie and the others, as you’ve taken a spot at the hotel on the “road to redemption”.

You managed to kill off some of the exorcists, determined to save and protect the hotel and all your friends. Little did you know a certain exorcist has been watching your every move. Lute. You’ve heard a little about her from Charlie, knowing Lute is Adam’s right hand girl. Though you didn’t pay attention to her much throughout the fight, which you should have done.

Lute was watching you. With slight admiration for how easy you can kill her kind, but also she was angered by it, and…a little turned on. The moment she saw you her heart stopped. You gorgeous covered in the golden blood of her kind, though that pissed her off. You’re a sinner, and that can’t go unpunished.

Charlie’s father, Lucifer, and the others, were busy with Adam. While you were off to the side somewhere else, fighting some of the other exorcists, Lute took the chance to swoop in and snatch you from them, her one arm keeping her in her grasp. You try to shout but she tightened her arm around your chest, making it difficult to get a word out.

“I suggest you keep quiet, sinner.” She said menacingly with her signature smirk. The portal to heaven was wide open, allowing any of them to fly back in. Lute looked at you and then the battle scene, determining whether she should help Adam and the other exorcists, or take you home for some…punishment. She looked at you and couldn’t help it, she wanted you, sinner or not.

She flew into the portal and forced you into her housing. You panicked and had tears in your eyes, scared of her hurting or torturing you. “I-I’m sorry..” you apologized subconsciously.

“Quiet.” She growled and kicked you down, making sure you’re weak enough to not fight back. You grunt and hold your stomach, trying to push the tears down and not cry.you look up at her, your eyes filled with fear, confusion, and pleads, but she doesn’t care about that. Lite grips a handful of your hair harshly without any care, you let out a pained soft yelp and grab her hand, trying to pry it off. She chuckles mockingly at you. “Stupid sinner…you think you can overpower me? Huh? You’re too weak..just look at you now..pathetic and laying on the ground…” she glared down at your body. Then she smirked with an idea. “Might as well put you to work while you’re down there..” she said and let go of your hair.

You sigh in relief for a moment and hold the spot she pulled, as she went over and grabbed a chair, pulling it over to where you were. She grabbed some ropes, grabbing your wrists with her one arm, struggling a little, which you used to your advantage. You used your arm to grab hers, pulling her down. She grunts and glared at you, angered. “You little rat…” she kicked your chest hard, knocking the wind out of you, tears welled up in your eyes. “Just except your fate..you have no other purpose anyways..” she sneered and tied your wrists together as tight as possible.

You gasp sharply in pain and try to untie yourself “stop..” she said warningly..pulling you up by your hair with her arm.

This time, you couldn’t hold back, it hurt, a lot, and your hands were tied and you couldn’t do anything. You shut your eyes tightly and tried your best to not let those tears fall. “S-stop it please…” you begged. Lute rolled her eyes and set you in a kneeled position. Then she pulled off her tights, revealing her black laced panties and smooth pale skin. You tremble a little, confused of what’s going on. “What are you..?” You were cut off by Lute.

“Shush. Don’t speak or make a sound or I will end your pathetic little life, sinner” she sneered and took off her panties, revealing her wetness. You advert your eyes from her, looking down. She grabbed you chin with her arm and forced you to look up at her. “You will listen to my every word. No questions or hesitation, and maybe I’ll let you live peacefully here.” She tells you. You nod, your only focus was survival now that you were in the hand of this powerful exorcist.

“Good girl..learning so fast?” She smirked and said in an alluring way as she traced your jaw. You felt nothing but fear through your whole body, her praise only filling you with fear. She grabbed the collar of you shirt and pulled you closer to her, you could smell the sweat nectar in her core. “Open your mouth.” She demands and looked down at you intimidatingly, you shiver and tense at the look, looking down. You didn’t want to but this was your only way of survival.

You opened your mouth, obeying her command. “There we go..good girl..” she said effortlessly as her hand gripped the hair on the back of your head and pulled you closer to her wet pussy. You gulp as your mouth touched her wet, soft pussy, you let out a small whine…squirming a little under her. She lets out a satisfied sigh and closes her eyes, bucking her hips into you. “What are you waiting for? Start..” she waits impatiently for you to begin.

You tremble as your tongue starts to push around her pussy, tasting her sweat nectar and your saliva mixing with it. You closed your eyes tightly to block off the view. “Ohhh yea..just like that you little whore..keep going..” she growled softly and pushed your head even deeper into her warm core. Your tongue reached the inside of her tight entrance, forcing yourself to thrust in and out of her.

She moaned and gripped your hair hard, having no care of how much harm she would be casing you, only focusing on herself. “Fuck…you fucking cunt…hurry..” she rushed you..pulling your hair harshly as punishment. You let out a soft whimper and try your best to thrust your tongue faster. You feel her walls pulse and tighten around your wet tongue, Lutes thighs tightening around your head to keep you put. “Fuuuuck…” she moaned out and had her orgasm. “Swallow it..”

You could taste and feel her warm thick cum roll down your throat, some dripping down your chin. She finally allows you to pull away, pre-cum dripping down your chin, now drying there due to you having no way of wiping it off, your hands still tied. She stands up and licked you back down, you let out a grunt and try your best to stay silent. She grabbed your shirt and pulled you away into her room, roughly slamming you onto the bed on your stomach, your hips in the air. This time, she grabbed more restraints. “Spread your legs.” She demands.

You tremble and shakily spread your legs, your head burrowed in the sheets. She walked over and took your pants off roughly, tossing them without a care and then ripped your panties off, earning a shocked gasp from you when the cold air hit your exposed sex. You felt Lute grab your ankles, wrapping another rope around them and tied the other end to the beds poles, making sure you cousin’s move in any way.

Your breathing became heavy, you began to panic. She seemed to notice this and smirked, grabbing the largest strap she could find, putting it on and then climbing over you. “Aww~ don’t worry sweetheart…you’ll be just fine..” she said with no genuine care. You felt the cold rubber cock against your right core, trembling with fear, you did your best to not beg and beg for mercy, as Lute said to not speak. Without a warning she thrusts into your pussy, your breath hitched as she roughly violated your most sensitive part.

You hold in all your groaned and yells, or muffling them into the sheets. She used her only arm to hold herself up, lowering closer to your ear as she thrusted roughly. “You’re so tight..I’ll make sure I’m the only one who knows it..” she says to you and aggressively starts to kiss you neck, leaving marks and bites. You let out a pained moan, feeling the massive rubber cock hit your g-spot over and over again roughly. You let out whimpers and allow your tears to fall, not being able to take the pain.

She smirks at your weakness, thrusting even harder and moaning deeply into your ears to tease you. “That’s it…I’ll make you beg for this one day…” she chuckles darkly and continues to violate your now abused hole. You sob softly into the sheets, feeling your abused pussy hurting and hurting more, you felt as if you were getting split in two.

Your mind was telling you to not give in and let yourself cum big your body said different, your hole naturally tightening around the large rubber cock, close to climax. Lute smirked and laughed. “Your enjoying this? You little whore i knew it…don’t worry..I’ll make sure you get this everyday your with me..” she smirked and leaned down, now thrusting as hard as possible and biting the back of your neck, moaning against it.

You let out a louder cry as her teeth dig into your skin, drawing your red, warm, thick blood. She moaned at the warmth and bit you harder, thrusting harder into your pussy. Your pussy clutched around the rubber cock, finally having your orgasm. You pant under her, shaking and trembling uncontrollably, just praying and wishing it was over. But it wasn’t. The next thing you knew she sat up, pulling the rubber cock out of you roughly and then placing her one hand onto your thigh and squeezing it, then ducked her head under you and started to lick up all of your juices, causing you to let out a choked sob and moan.

Lute moaned against your pussy, sucking mercilessly at it and even biting it, you flinch and winced every time her teeth grazed your sensitive folds, causing you to tremble even more. She moved her hand up to your pussy, and then suddenly thrusted four fingers into your already abused pussy, you let out a muffled yelp into the sheets. “Aww baby..it’s not that bad..” she whispered back to you, her tone full of fake sweetness.

You sobbed more, she heard it and that turned her on even more, encouraging her to thrust harder. Her strong fingers hit and hit your g-spot as many times as possible and an unbelievable speed, this hurt more than the rubber cock. She was close to adding her own hand into you, your hurt trembling pussy couldn’t take anymore and some blood started to drop out, but that didn’t make Lute stop, it only made her want this more

You let out cries that were muffled into the sheets, your pussy naturally closing in on Lutes fingers, making her moan and thrust harder, your climax close. You finally released your orgasm again, dripping down Lutes fingers and into her face. She sits up and hungrily eats out your hurt, abused, and bleeding pussy, making every ounce of pre-cum like it was a delicious milkshake. She moaned and licked her lips and fingers. Panting, she gets up and unties your legs, then dragged you across her house.

Your face was covered in dried tears and the dried pre-cum form Lute on your chin. You were so sore, you were sure you wouldn’t be able to walk normally for awhile. She opened a door in her room far from any escapes, the room had nothing but a mattress in it. She placed you in the room, you still trembling and your hands still tied. She smirked and walked over to the door, a key in hand.

“See you tomorrow ~ sinner~”

A/n: uhhhhh, I don’t know if this was good but I hope you enjoyed!!!

[inklessletter]

Is it chill that you're in my head ('cause I know that it's delicate)

Read it on Ao3

Steve Harrington has a lot to be thankful for, and he owes his friends almost everything he is at the age of nineteen. He has learnt about humility, self-criticism, tolerance and kindness. He's the best version of himself so far. He has rebuilt himself a few times now thanks to his friends, and there's nothing he can do to express his gratitude but to be as attentive as humanly possible. He doesn't wait for Dustin to ask him to take him to whatever nerdy camp he's going that summer when he's offering to take him across the state; he doesn't expect Lucas to give him a ticket for his next game because he's already bought one; he's front row at any gig of Robin's band; he's at The Hideout on Tuesdays to see Eddie; he shows up to Max's almost daily to help her with her recovery exercises; he offers his place to whatever event, doesn't matter if it's a Hellfire occasional session or Erica's unicorn theme birthday party. It. Doesn't. Matter. Whatever they want, if it's in Steve's power, he'll provide.

And he's happy. He's content with that.

Glad to be of service.

It doesn't really sting that Dustin does not hug him after leaving for three full weeks, or that he doesn't send the postcard he said he'd send. Steve's sure he must have been really busy.

If Lucas glances at him after the game and waves, but doesn't stop to say hello, it's okay. He's been that age, he wants to be with his friends to celebrate.

If after every band concert Robin has this chance to go with Vickie and the others (but especially Vickie) to have a milkshake, he's not going to be upset because good for her. You rock, Robin. She'll tell him all about it later, probably.

If Eddie's bandmates don't like Steve enough to actually spend more than half a beer with him after every concert until Steve makes up an excuse to flee, I mean, maybe he was a jerk to them back in high school. He doesn't remember them, though, but he didn't remember Robin either, so.

If Max only grunts and gets half mad at Steve for forcing her to do her recovery exercises, that's fine, because she's been through so much, she deserves to be cranky. It's not personal.

And if it is not personal the kids not thanking him after the rides, or the parties, or the Hellfire sessions at Steve's (to which he had bought snacks and soft drinks), it makes no sense for Steve to be a little bit hurt. It is not personal, it is not intentional, and Steve owes them so much. They deserve to be spoilt.

It is okay.

It really is.

So, when after one of Eddie's concerts, the metalhead offers Steve to bail and go somewhere else, it's new. Yeah, Steve can do new.

"Are your bandmates going to join us?" Steve asks, beer can in hand, sitting on a bench.

"Nah, I doubt so. We kinda, uh, had a disagreement."

"Yeah? What happened?" Steve jumped in helpful mode way too quickly.

"They were being assholes."

Steve looked away. "Is that so? Were they mean to you?"

"Nop. They were mean to you. So I told them to go fuck themselves."

Steve froze. "You didn't have to do that. I know they don't like me, it's okay. They're not exactly subtle."

"Yeah, Gareth's a bitch when he wants to. And that is, uh, most of the time. And yes, I did have to do that. You've been real supportive showing up to every gig, y'know? I appreciate that. And stayin' after."

And there it was. Steve gulped and the hidden smile faltered when he felt the heavy knot in his throat.

"And so, I realized that we don't spend enough time together. I know it's not ideal I got this conclusion because my friends are absolute jerks, but, yeah. Let's do whatever you want, Steve."

Whatever he wanted?

"Whatever I want?" What the fuck.

"Yeah. What do you do? I mean, apart from being a good friend and stroll around being painfully handsome and shit, what do you do? Do you play a ball game? Read books? Chess? Bowling? If it's any sports, please, remember I wear leather, and I have a reputation to—Steve? You okay, man?"

Steve was far from okay. Steve was listening to Eddie rambling about possible hobbies and Steve was sitting there noticing he almost answered the first question with "I drive the kids around." He was realizing at that moment that he couldn't recall when it was the last time he did something for him. And what was it? He used to have hobbies, didn't he?

He loved swimming, but he hasn't swum in ages. He had intended to take Lucas to play basketball some other time, but Lucas wasn't available. He—well, he liked movies. But he was easygoing, and Robin usually told him that he had to educate him, so he hasn't picked a movie to watch in a very long time.

And those thoughts must have been leaked through Steve's expression, because Eddie was now in front of him looking at him directly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm—I'm fine. It's just—"

The knot in his throat made it difficult to talk. He was faltering.

"To be fair, I don't have any hobbies."

"Uh-huh."

"I really don't." Steve looked at Eddie, who was gazing back at him with a deeply dramatic expression of incredulity.

"So, you're telling me that all you do is be a good friend and be handsome. I don't buy it."

Steve laughed a bit, and the knot seemed to ease a little, but now his hands were slightly shaking.

"I mean, I used to have hobbies when I was a kid, but not anymore."

"Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'? I'm an adult now, I don't have time!"

"I'm an adult now. I'm literally older than you and I run a D&D club and play in a metal band."

"Well, maybe you organize your schedule better, I don't know."

"Ok, let's say it's a matter of organization. What would you like to do?"

"Are  you serious right now?"

"Yes!"

"Come on—"

"Steve—"

"I don't know! I don't know, okay? I have no clue what I'm into, I—I can't really—I'm just—it's fine if we do whatever you want, Eddie, really."

It wasn't fine. There were a few seconds of silence, but they fell after that in an easy conversation about music, and then they talked about the brats, and then they took another beer. It wasn't bad or awkward, Eddie had the superpower of making interesting any place he was in, but Steve felt uneasy after that conversation.

When he came back home at almost two in the morning, he realized that he didn't know basic stuff about himself, such as what he did like. He didn't recognise himself in the mirror. He got lost somewhere in rebuilding himself; he couldn't even remember who he was, beyond the lingering feeling of shame of his past self.

He cried himself to sleep.

Eddie started showing up unannounced, and Steve found himself enjoying his company. Eddie suggested different shit to do every day. "Let's go to the movies, you pick", "hey, some friends play tonight at a pub, it's not metal, I swear", "I brought these board games, maybe you like them", "wanna go play pool?", and stuff like that. Steve agreed easily to anything Eddie proposed.

He liked Eddie before, but after Steve realized that Eddie was actively trying to find whatever Steve loved, a warm swarm of butterflies settled in Steve's stomach with no intention to leave. It's not like Steve hasn't questioned his sexuality before, especially after knowing Robin's, but this new dynamic with Eddie made it really easy for him to acknowledge that he wasn't fully straight. Eddie made him feel warm, and safe, and cradled, every single time. And that was also absolutely frightening.

That day, Eddie had suggested staying home and baking a chocolate cake. It was the first time Steve actually asked if it was okay to leave the TV on, he wanted to watch the basketball game. While baking, Steve cheerfully told Eddie about the rules, and the strategies, and the teams, and that this was a final. Eddie actively listened, asking for some demonstrations of some things Steve explained, like a dunk, and Steve would use some dough and Eddie's arms in a circle position to actually demonstrate. The kitchen was so messy, it never stood a chance, but Eddie had never seen Steve laugh so freely, so sincerely.

The cake was in the oven, the kitchen smelled so good, and Steve and Eddie were cleaning the absolute disaster they've made. Steve's cheeks were a little pink.

"I'm gonna remember this", Eddie said.

"Hm?"

"This, as in baking and basketball. We should do it again."

Steve bit his smile, and focused on cleaning the countertop. The butterflies in his stomach were rioting.

"There's a game every week, you know."

"It works for me."

The week went agonizingly slow until the next game night. He had considered telling Robin about his feelings, but he wanted to keep it in a little bit longer, a little bit before speaking it out and it becoming real. A thing to deal with.

Just one more date.

The knock in Steve's front door stirred up the butterflies. Eddie was here already, it was game night.

When Steve opened the door there was not only Eddie, but the whole gang.

"Steve! We're baking carrot cake and cheesecake today!" Dustin shouted, lifting a bag with groceries. The kids said hi coming into Steve's house. Some went to the kitchen, some others were looking for the game on the TV. Still in the front door, Eddie smiled at Steve.

"What's going on?"

"See, I was hanging out with the gremlins at Hellfire a few nights ago and I might have told them you were into game night and baking, and they all wanted to come."

Steve was speechless.

"But why?"

Eddie grinned, full heartedly.

"I have the impression that the brats want to be part of your life, too. I might even dare to say they—we love you, Steve", Eddie's voice was low, and his gaze was fully pinned to Steve's eyes.

Steve smiled, shaky.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really," Eddie said.

There were a few seconds of silence, leaning faces, full of smiles and flustered cheeks.

"Come on, Stevie. The game is starting and there are unsupervised kids in a room where they can easily make a fire," Eddie said, closing the door, and taking Steve by the hand towards the kitchen.

Oh, butterflies, have mercy on him.

[collidescopeeyes]

Hey so I'm kind of in a tm-not-so-good place right now, so if possible can I get a Heartsteel Aphelios x reader who's dealing with a narcissistic/emotionally abusive parent? Or if possible it's Aphelios and their S/O but they also have the rest of the Heartsteel members and Alune to help them through it. As you can see by the request, I'm dealing with this right now and i kinda need the comfort, thank you!

As someone whose dealt with far too much of that myself recently, my heart goes out to you anon ❤️ hope things get easier soon.

---

You have ‘hey, are you awake?’ typed into the chatbox, thumb hovering indecisively over the send button, for a good fifteen minutes before Aphelios messages you. You aren't expecting it–it’s almost midnight, and Phel might be a night owl, but he also has a job. Part of the reason you'd been reluctant to text him–he’s busy, and you'd hate to wake him.

‘You okay?’ the text reads. You spend a moment wondering why he'd ask that, and then realize if he was texting you this late at night he also would have seen your typing notification hovering there for god knows how long. Which also means pretending you're fine is probably out of the picture as well–even if he didn't know you were visiting your parents this weekend, he's always been had a knack for seeing straight through you. May as well be honest, then.

‘not really tbh’ you type back. ‘like I'm fine I'm just…….blehhh. y'know.’

‘Want company?’ comes the immediate reply, because Phel puts sugar to shame. Too sweet for his own good, probably, because he really shouldn't be driving around at fuck o’clock at night to keep you company– ‘I missed you :(‘ comes the follow up text, neatly defeating the argument you were just building up in your head.

‘...can I come over?’ you ask anyway. ‘i don't really want to be at home right now’

‘ofc. I'm already putting my shoes on, I'll see you soon ❤️’

You send a heart back, click your phone off, and stare blankly up at the fading afterimage of the bright screen against your dark ceiling. You have no idea what time you'd gotten home, but you'd had about enough energy to crawl into bed and not much else. As such, you're pretty much still dressed, plus you're pretty sure you have clean clothes at Phel’s place. Even if you didn't, you'd steal one of his shirts to sleep in and Alune would have something to lend you in the morning. You're pretty sure she likes dressing you up, or at least, she has a habit of leveraging her industry connections to get amazing deals on clothes she just happens to think you'd look cute in. Kayn likes to joke she's trying to steal you away from Aphelios.

A knock on your front door startles you to attention, followed by jingling keys as Phel lets himself in. How long had you been zoning out for? He lived like fifteen minutes away, and it felt like it'd barely been five. You drag yourself out of bed as he pushes open your bedroom door, and even in the dim light from the street lamp outside your window you see him smile when he sees you. Immediately, you're wrapped up in a hug, and you feel him press a kiss to your hairline. The anxious knot that's been in your chest ever since you left this weekend eases a little, and you clutch at his hoodie trying to absorb that feeling. He smells like fresh laundry and comfort and home.

“...hi,” you offer after a moment, your voice slightly muffled from where you're pressing your face into his chest. You lean back, reaching over to fumble with your lamp so you can actually see him. “You got here faster than I thought, sorry.”

He shrugs. “I was at Yone’s, the bands having a movie night,” he signs. “We can join them, if you're feeling up for it, or we can just go back to mine and chill. It's up to you.”

You blink up at him. “What movie?”

“The mummy series,” he signs. “Ez is getting super offended, it's really funny.”

You huff a laugh. “That sounds…perfect, actually. You're sure nobody will mind?”

He waves a hand at you. “Of course not, the guys love you.” A smile curves your lips, and he pauses, a fond look in his eye before he ducks his head to press a kiss to your lips. “Not that I wouldn't be happy to monopolize you, but, y'know.”

You laugh. “I think Alune would have words about that.”

He shrugs. “Gotta flex my older brother privileges sometime. You good to go?”

You glance at your still unpacked bag, then nod–that was a tomorrow problem. Maybe the day after. His car is parked outside, still warm from the drive over–he must've cranked the heater for you, because left to his own devices Aphelios wouldn't feel the need for a jacket in a walk in freezer.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He signs as you pull out onto the quiet streets, one hand on the wheel.

You sigh deeply. “It's…nothing new, and I probably should've expected this because this is what always happens, but…I dunno, I was hoping we could have a mature conversation this time? But no, same old song and dance. Nothing is ever their fault, and if I get them to stop deflecting long enough to actually admit they did something wrong, I must only be bringing it up because I'm an terrible daughter who's just trying to hurt them, and then the whole thing turns into a big confrontation when all I wanted was…I dunno, some acknowledgement that ‘hey, that was a fucked up thing I did,’” you gesture vaguely at the dashboard, frustrated, and then deflate with a defeated sigh. He reaches over and squeezes your hand in wordless comfort. You offer him a weak smile. “It's fine. I'll be fine. It's just…exhausting, you know?"

He nods, and with a final squeeze you let his hand go so he can sign “I'm sorry. It's not fair, and you deserve better.” He glances at you, brow pulled together in worry. “If you ever need anything, comfort or company or help, I'm here for you. We all are. Doesn't matter how late it is or how far away you are, I'll come running.”

You probably shouldn't try to kiss him while he's driving. “Thanks,” you say instead, voice soft. “I…can't tell you how much that means to me.”

He smiles, but if he has a reply his hands are occupied pulling into Yone’s driveway. Still, he's not driving anymore, so that makes it fair game to lean across the console to kiss the life out of him.

--Right up until you hear Yone's door open. You break apart, only to see Alune standing on the doorstep, hands on her hips. She signs something too fast for you to catch in the dim streetlight, and then flounces back inside. Phel laughs, and you look at him curiously. “She called me an attention hog,” he signs, chuckling.

You laugh. “Well, we better not keep her waiting.”

The sound of the movie filters in as you enter the house and make your way to the living room, coupled with familiar voices and laughter. “--and codex style books weren't even invented until the Roman Empire!” Ezreal is arguing as you walk in, gesturing at the screen animatedly. “It would’ve been a papyrus scroll!” A chorus of greetings sounds over the tail end of his sentence, apparently dismissing what's no doubt the tail end of a long rant. They're scattered around the room–Alune and Ezreal on the long couch, K'Sante and Yone in the twin armchairs on either side, Sett lounging on the beanbag in the corner and Kayn laying directly on the carpeted floor, ankles crossed on the edge of the couch and watching the movie upside-down.

“He's been going on like this the whole time,” Sett informs you by way of greeting, grinning.

“Someone has to hold Hollywood accountable for their blatant disregard for historical accuracy!” Ezreal insists hotly, before fixing you with a pleading look. “Back me up here, you think papyrus scrolls are cool, right?”

“Pretty cool, yeah,” you agree. Alune animatedly gestures you over to two free spaces on the couch with a beaming grin, which you have no doubt she pulled rank to acquire. Kayn offers you a wave as you step over him.

“I saved some snacks,” she whispers as you settle by her side, Phel on your other. True to her word, she has a bowl of chips in one hand and a punnet of chocolate dipped strawberries in the other. Ezreal tries to sneak one of the latter while she's distracted, only for her to whip her head around and give him a narrow eyed look, to which he immediately begins to feign stretching instead.

“How was your trip?” Yone asks. You must make a face, because he frowns. “Ah. My condolences. Family matters are often... uniquely troubling."

You wince. “It was…not great, yeah. I don't...really want to get into it.”

“I'm just putting this out there, but if you want someone vanished you can just say the word, I know a guy,” Kayn offers from the floor.

You stifle a laugh. “Are you the guy?”

“Me or one of my siblings,” he qualifies. “Depends, how many people you want killed?”

“You cannot keep threatening to sic your family members on people you don't like simply because your father teaches all his foster children martial arts,” K'Sante points out dryly.

“It's not just because of that,” Kayn argues. “It's part of the pact–everyone gets one favor, no questions asked, everybody has to chip in if they can."

“And you…haven't used yours yet?” Yone asks skeptically.

“Nope,” Kayn says cheerfully. “I covered up my fuckups and achieved my numerous impressive exploits by my own merits, thank you.”

“I do not need anyone killed,” you confirm.

“Yet,” Ezreal corrects sagely, only to interrupt himself with an aghast gasp. “He's reading hieroglyphs in the wrong direction!” he cries, pointing accusingly at the screen. Phel puts an arm around your shoulder and pulls you into his side, and like this–snuggled up with him, surrounded by your friends and terrible movie–it was suddenly a lot easier to believe everything was going to be okay.

[howlingday]

The Scare

"You awake in there?" Emerald knocked again on Oscar's door. Usually, he was up before just about everyone else., except for maybe Ruby. He was definitely awake before she was, which was why it was so weird that when she came down for breakfast, he wasn't cleaning his plate or sitting close by with a book. "Oscar?"

She'd knocked enough times. She turned the knob and opened his door, slowly creaking it open just in case he was indecent. But no, he was still in bed, laying flat on his back with his hands folded over his trunk. She snickered at how 'proper' he slept with his hands over the covers.

"Hey, you up?" No response. She gave him a nudge. "Oscar?" She nudged him again, getting a deep inhale and a slow exhale as Oscar rose to a seated position. "You good, Oscar?"

The younger man looked to Emerald, slowly blinking his bleary eyes free from last night's slumber. She took a step back to give him his space. After rubbing his eyes, he stretched his body and let out a loud yawn.

"Good morning, Miss Sustrai."

That wasn't Oscar. To him, it was either 'Em' or 'Emerald'. He'd never called her 'Miss Sustrai' once since they met, or that she knows of since she switched to the 'good guys'. The older girl gave a small gasp, feeling something tight grip her chest. She swallowed before daring to ask.

"O-Oscar?"

"No, it's me, Miss Sustrai." Her chest grew even tighter. "I'm allowing Oscar to get some extra rest." She let out a sigh. "Is something the matter?"

"No, no, I just..." Emerald thought for a moment. Why was she so freaked out? She and everyone else knew his body wasn't just one person, though it would eventually be that way in the near future. Still, she was freaked out at the idea that, as it would inevitably happen, Oscar was gone and replaced by the thousands of years old spirit of that Ozma guy. "I thought that Oscar was, y'know..."

"Melded into my subconscious until he existed only in body?"

"I was going to say gone."

"Excuse me." Ozpin swung Oscar's legs from under the sheets. "Unfortunately, tact is something I still have trouble utilizing."

"Yeah, it's not like you had a thousand years to learn, right?"

"Funny." He scowled. "Is there a reason you came to wake up Oscar?"

"He wasn't up before me." Emerald shrugged. "Kinda weird that he'd suddenly decided to be the last one up."

"I guess it would be strange, wouldn't it?" He placed a hand under his chin. "But since we're alone, relatively speaking, I'd like to ask you to do something for me."

"Like what?"

"I'm sure you're as aware as I am as to Oscar's feelings towards you."

"What? Really? This is news to me." He flat tone pretty much gave away that she knew, though there was the possibility that it was still too subtle for him.

"Oscar is still sleeping." Ozpin clarified. "And judging by your sarcastic tone, I'd say you are just as painful aware of his intentions as I am."

"Hard to say, since you guys literally share the same headspace." Ozpin narrowed Oscar's eyes. "Far as I can tell, he's got some kind of puppy love crush on me."

"And what are your feelings on this?"

"It's cute, but kinda naive." Emerald shrugged. "He'll grow out of it eventually."

"And are your feelings the same?"

"That's none of your business."

"I'll remind you that Oscar is still asleep."

"And I'll remind you that you're a shitty liar." Emerald narrowed her eyes. "If there's something Oscar wants to ask me, then he can ask me himself."

With a shake of his head, Oscar's body slumped a bit, shifting from a confident gentleman's seat to the more familiar blushing face and innocent eyes she'd grown used to.

"Emerald?!" He leaned back in shock. "What are you doing in my room?"

"You weren't at breakfast, so I came to check on ya." She leaned forward a bit. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "yeah, I'm fine. I guess I stayed up late last night."

"Yeah? Doing what?"

"Just some reading." He scooted to the side and stood up. "Uh, is everyone else awake?"

"Yup." Emerald walked to the door. "I managed to save you a plate, but it's probably cold by now. That, or Pinkie ate your share."

"She said she wouldn't." He sighed. "I'll be down in a sec."

"Alright." Emerald stepped out, holding the doorknob in her hand. "Don't take too long. Hate to waste a day like this." She smiled, and she watched as his face lit up. As she shut the door and left, she could make out the faintest cheer.

"She smiled at me~!" Emerald chuckled. He'd grow out of his puppy love soon enough, but that didn't mean she didn't enjoy how happy she seemed to make him.

[omentranslates]

Owari no Seraph ch 137 english fan translation

Hey sorry I'm late. Hopefully everyone's already read the official release, but if you'd like to read it again this baby can fit so much fan translation in it.

Please note though, I did put dialogue breaks when they switch from thinking to speaking out loud, but I couldn't find a good way to differentiate between the two textually, so this tl will pretty heavily depend on you having seen the panels themselves so you can tell for yourself. Thanks for working with me!

A showdown between the two of them......

Owari no Seraph chapter 137: Time for the Queen

Krul: It's obvious that he's different from before.

Ferid: Shall we get started as well then?

Krul: Which one of us is stronger? I feel like it's still me but....

Krul: Started on what? What's your goal here?

Ferid: Ah, that. Well it's-OH OOPS.

Ferid: Of course the third progenitor would notice the shrinking gap in our strength right awa-....ACK.

Krul: Fool, if you won't leave I'll just have to torture you to death like this.

Krul: After all the more powerful one is still-

Ferid: Spell complete. Commit the Parasitic Mantra*

Krul: Hm

Krul: Well I can't cut my arm off

Ferid: Wowwww, that got me tired.

Ferid: But in order to eat from a higher rank, you really do need some pain in the ass spell to prevent them from just possessing you in return.

Ferid: Ahaa, hey check this out! Am I hot again?

Krul: I can't break the chains, what is this for?

Krul: Is this some kind of slow-acting poison?

Ferid: What???

Krul: How many of these before it kicks in? You'll be stronger than me if you just wait long enough?

Ferid: Of course not, these are but red threads meant to connect us two from our past lives!

Krul: It's faint, but you smell like Crowley Eusford.

Ferid: Ahhh, you've discovered my affair? But I really am on your side, my queen-

Krul: You've been absorbing vampires.

Ferid: YOU'RE SMARTER THAN I THOUGHT, YOUR MAJESTYYYY

Krul: I feel fine, I guess the chains aren't poisoned. In that case, is it something he needs in order to eat me? In that case this victory is

Krul: Already mine.

Krul: You've taken the third progenitor too lightly.

Ferid: Noo, I would never!

Ferid: You can come out now, Guren!

Krul: -AHCK

Mahiru: Is the spell complete?

Ferid: Enough time has passed that she's good to eat, I won't lose myself to her!

Guren: HURRY UP AND GET EATING, THEN.

Ferid: It's not that simple, y'know. But of course- THAT WAS THE PLAN.

Krul: Taking on an unarmed vampire three against one, and yet you still underestimate me.

Krul: O Arukanu**, drink my blood

Ferid: *coughing* Well that's no good, she's far stronger than I'd expected...That did a lot of damage, I might not be able to salvage this...

Mahiru: Guren, fall back! With full effort!!

Krul: Arukanu is drinking a lot of my blood. And when there's no blood left to drink, I'll be unable to move. So I suppose I should end this quickly? Either that or find some blood to drink and prolong my strength. Which one?

Ferid: Ah, shit.

Krul: Wait there. I'll hear whatever you have to say later while I'm torturing you.

Mahiru: Shit. Shit shit shit.

Mahiru: Damnit. We misjudged her strength by so much. I thought her usual strength was already inclusive of her "sword's" power. Why hasn't she ever used it before now?? Is there some kind of limit on when she can?? Maybe it harms its user as a result? With the unusual way the level of her abilities just shot straight up like that....

Guren: You miscalculate something?

Mahiru: ...

Guren: You can't have thought even at the start that it was possible to get a free hit in on a third progenitor.

Mahiru: HEY, COULD YOU BE ANY LESS CONDESCENDING ABOUT IT??? I'M BUSY OVER HERE!!

Guren: It is what it is.

Mahiru: I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN YOU'RE IN DANGER! YOUR DEATH MEANS THE END OF ME!!

Guren: Yeah but...

Guren: We've both already....8 years ago with everyone else anyways....

Mahiru: YOU ARE NOT DEAD!!! I WON'T EVER LET YOU BE!!!

Guren: Mahiru

Mahiru: Shut it!! Just shut up!!!!

Guren: Mahiru, if we end up dying here it'll be just like last time. We can die together, the two of us.

Mahiru: OUT OF THE QUESTION!!! WE'VE DONE SO MUCH TO MAKE IT THIS FAR!! JUST A LITTLE LONGER, WE ONLY HAVE A LITTLE MORE TO DO!!

Mahiru: Ahhh, what do I do...the queen is on her way.

Guren: MAHIRU!!

Mahiru: HEY, JUST WAIT! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A DEAL!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LEND US YOUR POWER IN EXCHANGE FOR TURNING ASHERA BACK INTO A HUMAN...

Krul: You're no use. I've just decided, you're even more dangerous to let live than Ferid Bathory. So I'm done with you.

Mahiru: WAIT-!! GUREN!!!

Guren: Springtime Eclipse

Guren: *screaming*

Krul: You're too slow.

Guren: Wh-

Mahiru: STOP-

Krul: Die.

Mahiru: No-NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Before the queen she can do nothing but watch......

*The literal translation of the spell is Parasite Mantra. For the first part, I mean to write commit as in how we would use it in commit a crime, commit an atrocity, commit a sin. The word is tied to these meanings. I wanted it to be read as him commanding the spell like "commit this atrocity on her" or "commit this sin on her" but in English it just gets clunkier the more words you add and I'm a little pressed for time atm so I'm just leaving a note.

**Arukanu is her sword, the kanji for sword is written like usual with a special pronunciation Arukanu. I'm just noting this I think everyone got the meaning.

[lousypotatoes]

Hello!

May I request a Mukuro Ikusaba x reader camping in the woods oneshot?

Into The Woods - Mukoro x GN! Reader

Song Recommendation:

Heart Of Oak - Richard Crawley

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Do you have everything?"

"Yeah, just gotta grab the bug spray,"

"Hurry up then,"

You and your girlfriend, Mukoro were going camping, something that you absolutely did not want to do.

Camping in the woods had always scared you, since you were a child, but Mukoro insisted that the two of you go, and you couldn't say no.

"Hey babe?" you asked. "How about we don't go, and instead watch a movie here?"

"Y/N, we already talked about this," she said, giving you a look. "It's confront this stupid fear of yours."

"It's not stupid!" you said, feigning your offense.

"No one else we know has a fear of camping!" Mukoro said, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, well it's a real thing! It's called Arkoudaphobia!"

"Whatever," Mukoro rolled her eyes. "Can we just go already? Please? I want to get there before the sun starts setting."

"You're lucky I love you," you muttered, walking out the door. "Or else I would of punched you as soon as you brought it up."

"Uh huh, sure you would."

"I totally would!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How do you do this?"

"How the hell do you not know not put up a tent?"

"I've never been camping before this," you huffed. "And besides, lots of people don't know how to put up a tent."

"Yeah, like little kids," Mukoro said, kneeling down. "It's basic survival skills."

"Yeah, well I never learned those kinds of skills," you said. "Can you please show me? Pretty please?"

"Fine," she groaned. "Okay, so you first have to attach the poles-"

"Which poles?" you interrupted.

"Those ones over there," she said, pointing to the poles laying in the dirt. "And then you fasten the poles through the tent, and then you just raise it."

"Raise what?"

"The tent," Mukoro groaned. "You raise the tent."

"Ohhhhhh," you said. "I get it,"

"You think can set it up all by yourself?" Mukoro asked.

"I think so," you answered.

"Good," Mukoro said, kissing your cheek. "I'm gonna go find up some wood for the fire. I shouldn't be long."

"Don't go too far," you said as she got up.

"Don't worry, I won't,"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What was that?"

"Just the wind babe. There's nothing out there, I promise,"

You and Mukoro were in the tent right now, trying to go to sleep. Unfortunately for you, there were weird noises coming from outside, keeping you from falling asleep.

And unfortunately for your girlfriend, you being scared kept her from falling asleep.

"Mukoro, I swear there's something out there," you said, pulling your sleeping bag over your face, like a scared little five-year-old scared of the monsters under your bed.

But this time, there were monsters outside the tent.

"Y/N for the last time, there's nothing outside," Mukoro said, taking your hand in hers. "I know that camping scares you, but you seriously have to get over this fear,"

You sighed. "I know," you said. "It's just hard for me y'know."

"I know," Mukoro said, pulling you closer to her, your bodies touching. "But it's gonna be okay. I'll be here with you every step of the way."

You leaned up and kissed softly, your lips molding together.

You pulled away after a moment.

"I love you Mukoro," you whispered.

"I love you too," she whispered back. You didn't see it, but there was heavy blush on her face. "Now c'mon, let's get some sleep, we have a busy day tomorrow."

And with that, you closed your eyes, drifting off into sleep, comforted by Mukoro's comfort and words.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

might make a part 2 tbh

OMG I GRADUATE IN 5 DAYS

I AM SO NOT READY FOR THIS

please join my discord, it'll be the best graduation present ever 🙏

stay safe and drink lots of water <33

xoxo, Izzy

[mathlann]

Semi-Connected Cas Thoughts

Casimira is extremely harsh with disciplining her nobles, and dealing with them is usually where she can be considered her most "Dogmatic". An incompetent serf isn't that big a deal (they'll be punished, but not necessarily killed), but an incompetent noble affects the whole planet and it makes it more likely she'll have to get involved in the cleanup. Unfortunately, as the old guard quickly learned, Cas doesn't hold much esteem for pedigree or tradition so she's not shy about the occasional bout of (lethal) discipline when she deems it necessary. The only family of Theodora's nobles to make it out unscathed were the Werserians for a reason, and any post-game nobles that rise after the old learn quickly to keep a close eye on their holdings.

Insofar as other bits of Court Conduct, Cas also runs on Rule of Annoying, where essentially: if made to deal with a situation or person that's otherwise unpleasant but not actively dangerous, if she can take a course of action that can selectively piss off someone around her that she dislikes without being too obvious, she'll try and do it. She would say it's to test limits, but in reality, she can nearly match Marazhai for being an emotional terror to others when she wants to be. She ends up surprisingly adept at the subtleties of court life because "managing to fuck over or provoke someone else without the matter being obviously readable to outsiders or turning violent" was a big part of why she was chosen for her pre-Rogue Trader course of work. On the other end of the spectrum from the above, one of the few instances where she will insist on following tradition or the courtly way of doing things to the letter is with nobles she doesn't like. Both sides know she doesn't care, but the right slip up can reveal a lot.

Also post-game musing but under the cut because I may change my mind about it later

So as to "how much of Cas' personal life is public knowledge" irt Marazhai, while I know the epilogue says their Feasts and stuff are pretty legendary, I don't think your average Joe on the street would be able to factually tell you "Rogue Trader von Valancius has a Drukhari consort." This run we are going for peace with the Eldar so on that front her fondness for Xenos is pretty public. But insofar as specifics, while she'd never deny him, I think their relationship is pretty "their business" in the sense that there's no point in explicitly showing out about it. The exception being the above, RoA, in which case "implying something going on to the right person for the kick of it" is fine (ie, Winterscale/Chorda/Kharael), especially because the person being provoked probably already doesn't like her and can be discredited anyways? But I mean, neither one of them is big on emotion or being especially lovey, and post-game they live apart so, idk I think it's entirely possible they can sit in the same room together for hours and unless someone observing knows them nothing would be especially amiss? I see it as essentially, most of their time together isn't planetside, so word of what goes on there doesn't reach the wider populace for the most part? Like at most, Her Ladyship has a fondness for Xenos, has a favorite Xenos mercenary (what odd Rogue Trader doesn't?), and perhaps some disgruntled nobles or former officers may allege improper relations but its hard to prove, y'know?

[cheemken]

Heyyyyy!!!! It's me once more from the last 3 asks. So I have others questions this time around that I would like to say to you regarding the Pokemon Champion Body Swap AU if you don't mind that is.

1. How did exactly the champions swap bodies? Was it because of Manaphy because I know it is the pokemon who has the ability to swap bodies of pokemon or people? Or is it something else entirely?

2. Do you think Sycamore and Sonia would help the champions sort their problem since they are both professors? And maybe Lillie? Idk.

3. Do you think a friend of one of the champions would tried to find Manaphy or at least a Manaphy egg to help swap them back? If so, who exactly?

4. I knew you already answer a question similar like this before, but... What is exactly Hala's reaction to the body swap? Is he fine with Geeta in his grandson's body around? How does he cope with the fact his grandson could be anywhere in one of the champion's bodies? But still, you are right for Hala storming out of Alola just to find his grandson😂

5. I know this sounds very personal to ask, though how do some of the champions handle going to the bathroom to pee problems? Do they ask for the assistance of some of the characters or just do it on their own?

6. Who out of the champions is most uncomfortable with the situation and which one is the least? Or are they all just equally unsettled?

7. How long does their body swap last exactly?

8. How does Geeta think of the Alola kids and other Alola characters? And Steven too with the other Unova characters since he was being interrogated like a Plasma grunt? Or Hau with the Indigo league? Or just the others champion with each of the region's league? I bet someone in the Indigo league would give Hau some ice cream or any dessert in general just to calm him down lol. If so, who? Though, I'm sure Hau will be disappointed about the fact that they are no malasadas in the Johto region😂

That's all! Hope it's not too much! Also I would love to play the Reverse: 1999 game however, my phone storage is almost packed😥 Still, I bet it's a good game though! :D

Ah this is quite long hahah

But yeah to answer these

1 and 3] No, actually, I didn't think of Manaphy when making this, instead what I had in mind was like smth similar to the anime Kokoro Connect, are you familiar w that? But yeah, in that anime they kinda switched bodies and such y'know, all bc of this guy iirc, but here it's not a guy, it's just me thinking it'd be funny lmfao

2] I think Sycamore would help, as would Sonia, seeing as these two are close w two of the champions, and bc now that Sycamore found out it's Leon he finally understands why Dia doesn't like him much lmfao (just a lil hc of mine really, that Dia and Leon don't like each other much)

4] Hala would be weirded out lmfaooo like that is a grown woman inside his grandson's body, and he doesn't even know where his grandson even is. I think he'd be low-key unnerved by Geeta, she just has that effect lmao, but she does try to be civil and explains to him that hey, she has contacted the other champions, and they'll find Hau soon enough (and then right after her phone rang w a message from the Indigo League and safe to say she finally get to answer Hala's question on where Hau is)

5] look look listen, Steven just tries to hold it in or he'd just, not look as he does his business, Leon and Dia on the other hand yeah they're like, struggling™ lmfao, they're too prideful to ask for help tho let's be real

6] Steven, pls, save that man, he's being interrogated like he's Zinzolin😭 the others are at least a bit chill, w the other leagues helping them out and even some friends and family, but Steven was far away from Hoenn, and he does not at all like the way Hilbert, Drayden, and Drayton are looking at him as if he just killed Iris in front of them lmfao

7] I haven't actually thought abt it much ngl hahah for the lols probs a week, just so the champions are like, aware that oh, so this is what the others are going through

8] I think Hau would finally calm down and maybe even befriend the Indigo League tho, they're nice, like, yeah some are intimidating, but they're really nice to him, and even gave him a Rage Candy Bar, while it's no Malasada, he appreciates it

Cynthia and Lance, well, they're vibing™ lmfao, like, other than being teased by Lisia, the twins, and even Sidney and Brawly, well, least they're trying to figure out how to help. Granted they're all weirded out at seeing Lance's scowl on Steven's fave lol

Wallace in the Sinnoh League, honestly they're just weirded out how Cynthia looks more active, like after the reveal yeah ofc it's Wallace, but damn it's still so surreal seeing him at the lake and dancing w Milotic, bc ofc, it's Cynthia's body, and they have not seen Cynthia dance like that lmfao. Ofc Gardenia have that shit filmed ofc she does, blackmail when Cynthia gets back to her body

Steven, oh we already know how he's faring lmfaooo he thanks Arceus above that Bianca doesn't look at him weird and actually tries to help and well, stop Hilbert from killing him

Leon, yeah, he sees the side eyes Sycamore gives him, and the side eyes Malva gives him, and the side eyes Siebold gives him, and he also thanks Arceus that Drasna and Wikstrom are helpful, they decided to not tell the rest of the league just yet, as rumours spread like wildfire in Kalos, and they don't wanna make this a big issue as they're trying to resolve it w the other champions. He made a joke that maybe Malva would report this, the side eye that Malva, Siebold, and Sycamore gave him almost asphyxiated him w how thick the tension was lmfaoooo

Geeta, honestly after finding out where Hau is, and which champion is in control of her body, well, she's now just waiting for further instructions from the others. Hala is still vibing, he's there saying that maybe Hau should come back home here, but Geeta said that that won't be ideal w their current predicament, and told him that hey, she can play Hau well right? No one would suspect anything (she's awful lmfao, everyone figured out real quick but just played along)

Dia, was,, well, tired™, look, the only thing she's looking forward to everyday is the fact that she can come home to have dinner w family. While it's not her family, she's there just imagining that Leon's mom and Hop are Drasna and Sycamore. She absolutely hated doing Leon's pose tho, and there was on time a crowd wanted her to do it and ofc she did bc in their eyes she's the undefeated Leon (and God she scoffs at that), and when she does it she's dying of cringe and prays the earth swallows her whole. Sonia notices everytime and can't help but snicker, for a seasoned actress like Diantha, she's always so close to breaking character when doing that pose

Iris loves the feeling of being tall tho real, Geeta is one of the taller champions along w Leon, Lance, Cynthia, and Wallace, and while Iris is getting taller as she's growing, but damn, she loves Geeta's height lmfao. Penny looks up to her as she tells her what she has to do to make it seem natural she's like Geeta, but Iris is so distracted by the way she sees a lot of things through Geeta's eyes w this height hahah

But yeah hahah

Also, I'm sorry but like, I hope you understand that I'm not that motivated to make pkmn aus and hcs that much anymore. Don't get me wrong, pkmn is still special to me, I still reblog stuff, but yeah, I'm like,, really not motivated much to make aus and the like, I'm sorry ;w;

But hey, I hope my answers for your questions suffices tho hahah

[avesomnia-inhoramortis]

[ooc]

If we run to the ultimate conclusion of my headcanons- that Miquella/Trina is both Empyrean AND their own outer god, and therefore the ultimate form of the rebis, flesh containing his own divinity and divinity embodying her own flesh- then that gives me a LOT to work with in terms of character conflicts and badass design.

Because while Miquella is hyperfixated on Radahn, at the end of the day his goal is to become a living god at any cost. He thinks that in order to do this, and remain uncorrupted, he has to peel himself apart. He has no idea that Trina is becoming a fledgeling outer god in her own right, an elemental being.

So. Would it count as being unalloyed if he embodied Trina? It would be stranger than Marika/Radagon- Trina would be his Elden Beast, essentially. He'd still need a lord probably, but in accepting her he'd have a massive boost in power.

That would also involve Trina becoming a full outer god, which is arguably just as bad of course.

I just want to point out that while Malenia has technically taken the role of his shadowbound beast, she has absolutely been fulfilling the role of Lord. Y'know. Nuking a country for him.

So. Character conflicts, starting from my girl:

Trina: Whether she realizes it or not, Miquella has been actively manipulating her for awhile now. She's already inclined to being helpful in general, so he's been shaping her idea of "helpful" to include being extremely isolated and not having any genuine personal connections. She's a saint, not a sister or a daughter or a lover to anyone or anything else, because her getting vulnerable with anyone would put Miquella at risk. And she doesn't want to hurt him and Malenia, right?

So in an effort to be small and unassuming she's been avoiding the instincts in her metaphorical head telling her a body would be a bad fit anyway, because she's not exactly human anymore. She answers prayers and guides the dead and her power takes physical form in the world, the way stars create glintstone and Frenzy twists the land. She just needs to be a girl and everything will work out, but she's beating back oncoming eldritch horror puberty by sheer force of will. Very similar to Malenia resisting her god.

So for Trina do do this thing with Miquella, for one they'd have to build a better relationship. For two, she'd have to get more comfortable with the idea of becoming a god (and losing her humanity in the process).

Miquella: As stated, he's been preparing for the fact that he might have to kill Trina. He doesn't want to, but he will. He's got a very specific plan in mind and she would object to it, and sacrifices must be made. It has not crossed his mind that she could be the answer to his problems, hell he didn't even mean to create her in the first place, and he doesn't like the fact that she exists. I mean. He loves her and likes her company and that's a mess, but she's part of him just... going places and doing things without his supervision. She can possess his body and steal his hands and do things that he wouldn't do. He hates being controlled. He hates having limitations. Trina is a vulnerability he cannot and does not want to afford, no matter how much he also personally really likes her.

He's been working with her and making use of her, the same way he does Malenia, but with a... deliberate distance there. There are good reasons for all of it. She understands. Nothing like the two of them exists, after all- of course the way they love eachother might look different. And Miquella's busy. And he's keeping her busy. It's all fine. (It's not.)

In order for this idea to work, they'd need a better relationship obviously. Miquella would have to know what Trina actually is. He'd have to be comfortable with the idea of embodying a god, and Trina would arguably be the best option since she's sort of himself anyway.

(I am this close to scrapping the whole lord-vessel thing as a requirement because the Tarnished doesn't have a vessel so what's the point??? It'd be more tragic if that was just blatant misinformation, or One Way among many to acquire a lord.)

So.

All that said.

What's their final form?

Trina as the outer god of Sleep is a thing of peat bogs and water monsters, dreamwalking and witchlight. Miquella is some sort of moth or butterfly, wet-winged and dripping with life.

I think the Haligtree would be dead, but in its place it would be overrun by sleep-based lichen and mushrooms, very like what Malenia did, with a more dramatic bog at its heart and a Massive Fuckoff Lily.

Miquella gets to achieve his ultimate form as a Creepy Fae complete with robes made of moth-silk and light, that may or may not just be his actual wings folded around his body. Possibly with a couple of extra eyes for spider reasons.

Either Malenia burns the Erdtree and becomes their lord, or some hapless Tarnished. Their new age would still be extremely questionable, because without Trina's human caution in the way Miquella can still bring peace and oblivion As He Wills It, but it's still something new.

[illegiblehandwriting1]

I feel the need to mention this, cuz I was thinking about it and I found it absolutely hilarious. (Skyward Sword spoilers but, c'mon, it's like 12 years old now.)

Time travel breaks a lot of things in the Zelda universe. The Hero of the Skies, miraculously, managed to keep an immense amount of continuity going. SkSw Link managed to not break time, but I can't help but notice that he broke something else.

He just so happened to break the fucking law of conservation of mass.

(putting a read more cuz this gets LONG)

How, you ask? It's pretty simple.

This fucking thing.

You can go back from the beginning of the game and see Zelda's crystal, Impa's bracelet, etc. That's perfect! I love it! It's amazing! Genius attention to detail from the devs. But this fucking pedestal does not exist until the end cutscene. It just shows up in the modern-day Sealed Temple - along with the Master Sword, which should be there as well - like "ayup, homies, how ya doing".

And Link doesn't bat an EYE.

Okay, fine. I'm fine with his reaction. That's his friend, and he's a bit busy. Besides, you cannot convince me that he actually paid attention in any science class ever.

But still. THAT'S NOT HOW PHYSICS WORKS.

However, fear not! I am not solely here to complain. I may have a solution.

You could say that there's not allowed to be two copies of the sacred sword in a time at the same time, but that's boring, right? That's just not any fun. I don't like that. So here's my solution.

The pedestal is movable. HEAR ME OUT, IT GETS BETTER.

So. here's my timeline of events.

After Demise is defeated/Link finally puts Fi to rest/Zelda tries to bring Impa with them/etc. the Gate of Time is broken, right? And it was probably young Impa that did that, right? She's already proven she can break a Gate in Lanayru, so she just waits for Link, Zelda, and Groose to go through and then she blows it up. Great. Awesome. Glad we can all agree on that.

So. Young Impa breaks the Gate of Time. She's probably already seen the Sealed Temple in modern times, right? She was there in that time anyway, might as well see how decrepit her house becomes. It can be a road trip.

Anyway.

So, she probably knows that the pedestal isn't there in modern times. So after she breaks the Gate, Impa just picks up the sword and the stone (you probably couldn't take them apart, after Link slammed Fi in there) and shoves it into her one (1) non-canonical broom cupboard. I'm sure the Sealed Temple has at LEAST one of those, right? And then it sits there. For thousands of years or however long it takes.

Anyway, when Zelda's taken by Ghirahim (In the present day, after Sky Keep) and Link and Groose run through the Gate to save her and stop Ghirahim and all that jazz (no, that's not really important, I'm sure they'll do fine and all. Kinda boring, though, in comparison to what IMPA's doing), the old lady, being her wonderful old lady self, just calmly walks over to the non-canonical closet and carefully puts the Master Sword and the rock pedestal back in its place like it's made of styrofoam. She's IMPA, after all, we stan buff old ladies here. She probably has, like, lines she drew on the floor, too, with a nice little outline where it should go. I feel like that's something she would do. Y'know, for continuity.

I firmly believe that was her last act as the Keeper of Time or whatever she was (I can't remember lmao, too lazy to go find it rn). She made sure all was right in the world of physics. And I love her for it.

Long story short, Link's lovable but oblivious, and Impa was the real unsung hero of the story. Thank her for all of your questions when you first noticed that the pedestal just spontaneously appeared.

Damn, she was so humble that she didn't even mention it when she died lmao. Just doing her job.

Consensus? Rip Impa. But I bet Hylia adores her for keeping the law of conservation of mass intact.

Oh wait, so THAT'S why she keeps coming back. She proved herself as smart. Hylia needs her to guide these dumbasses, and given that she used her entire life to serve, Impa was happy to oblige.

OHHHHHH. See, that makes a lot more sense.

Now, here's the real question. The original Beedle gave Link a sidequest and dropped him out of an airship.

So why does HE keep reappearing?

Anyway, thanks for reading my essay about a pointless subject lol.

[damienthepious]

continuing to be unhinged on main, i guess the florist/tattoo artist au has another chapter now??? but THIS time i truly think that’s it. that’s it! I’m tapped for this au. unless i think of something else fun. and then all bets are off.

Budding, Blooming (chapter 2)

[ch 1] [ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien, Sir Damien/Rilla, Lord Arum/Rilla, Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Lord Arum, Sir Damien, Rilla

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, (but there’s still monsters), Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Pre-Relationship, Romantic Tension, Poetry, Flowers, Valentine’s Day, (implied but not stated. could be a some weird modern-citadel fest), DOESN"T MATTER

Summary: ... Was he asking for a date, though?

Notes: okay fuck. alright. okay so there's more. it's fine. thank you for uhhhh sticking with me as i took an unexpected month off!! felt weird, gang. felt real weird.

~

Arum feels... unsettled as he locks up the shop, that evening. He half expected Damien to have returned before he finished, considering- well. Considering. But the street is dark and still shining with the brief rain from a few hours earlier, and it is entirely empty of meddling poets as Arum flicks the keys around his fingers, his shoulders sagging with a sigh.

Long, grueling day. Damien hadn't been the only annoyance, of course. He hadn't even been the worst annoyance, surprisingly, and Arum is... tired. Perhaps he should have told the poet to come another day- tomorrow, or next week, or-

(Enough time to talk himself out of the idea.)

"Did he finally get up the nerve?"

Arum jumps, the keys flinging off his fingertips and hitting the pavement with a heavy chime as he whirls, teeth automatically bared and another hand clenching hard behind his back.

"What?" he snaps sharply, embarrassed without really knowing why, and then-

It's the woman from across the street, from the tattoo shop. Amaryllis- Rilla, Damien's- his-

(Once or thrice she has stopped by, warm and chipper and citing small business owner solidarity with a smile, chatting amiably about her almost-botany-degree while acting as if Arum isn't the most uncomfortable and asocial monster to ever crawl out of the swamp. She's sourced rare or monstrous flowers through him before, too, both for her own personal collection and because pics on the internet aren't good enough, I want this piece to work and I want hands on the real thing for my preliminary sketches. Which Arum... could not help but respect. It makes sense, to Arum, that Damien would fixate on someone like her.)

(She goes by Rilla, he knows, but Damien's insistence every single time he tried to plan an arrangement for her, every time, it needed amaryllis, he must add amaryllis, and amaryllis for Amaryllis caught in his head sturdy enough that he cannot seem to shake that name.)

(And now she's here in front of his shop and almost leering while Arum is distracted thinking about Damien and she's asking about- what? What-)

"Whoa, sorry," she says, grinning in a decidedly unapologetic way as she lifts her hands. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"You- would hardly say that you-" he huffs, flicking his tail to snag the keys and dropping them back into his hands. "I am fine."

"Right," she says, her eyes dancing (reminding Arum forcefully of one of Damien's poetic scraps), and then she tips her head. "I was just curious, y'know. The holiday and all, and he came out of here absolutely bouncing. He usually looks like a wet puppy when he leaves your shop, you know."

"What?" Arum says again, pulling his head back. "Who?" he asks, despite the fact that his stomach is clenching with a certainty that he does, in fact, know who.

"Damien, that cute poet boy," she says, her mouth curling into a warmer smile. "He's friends with my brother, so he stops by the parlor sometimes. Or- they're friends now," she says, rolling her eyes and gesturing to nothing before she shakes her head. "It was a whole thing, before, but- nevermind, not the point. Did he finally...?"

She leaves the question in a suggestive stretch, her eyebrows rising as she trails off, and Arum clenches his hands and stiffens with another wave of incomprehensible embarrassment, his throat ticking in a helpless rattle and his traitor frill rising at his neck.

"I don't know what you could mean," he rushes in a single breath, wrinkling his snout with as much disdain as he can muster.

"Aw, c'mon," she wheedles, leaning closer as Arum stiffens. "I've been dying over there watching him dance circles around you."

"Around-" Arum sputters, flicks his eyes away. "Around me?"

Some of the smirk falls out of Amaryllis' smile, then, her expression softening. "It looked like he asked you out. That's all. I don't mean to be nosy, I just-" she pauses, then laughs. "I just am. Nosy, I mean."

Arum barks a laugh at that, helpless against it, and then he huffs a breath and glances to the side, to the still empty, still rain-wet street gleaming in the light from the shops. "I don't-"

And he pauses.

Did- was that-

He had assumed, from Damien's tone, from the context of the day and-

"He asked if he could come meet me," Arum says slowly. "After my shift was over. I don't... I don't know if he meant..."

He trails off, stomach twisting, suddenly much more uncertain, and then he looks to Amaryllis again. Her smile twitches as she meets his eye, and she nods, her expression going thoughtful and sympathetic.

"That sounds like he was asking you out?" she says, her inflection swooping upward at the end. "I would think?"

She pauses, while Arum's stomach continues to do unhelpful little turns, his hands flexing, and then she tips her head gently to the side.

"Did you... want him to be asking you out?"

Usually, Arum only wishes that he could sink into the mantle of the planet once per day at the very most. This holiday might kill him, he muses.

"N-no," he sputters after a suspicious beat. "He is- he- utterly obnoxious, and-"

"So... that isn't what the flowers are for," she drawls, her eyelids lowering and her smirk reemerging with a sly little twist (another poem screams to the forefront of Arum's mind, distracting as a flitting moth).

Arum stiffens further as the words sink into his mind. He clenches the hand already held behind his back, ineffectually trying to hide- the bouquet.

(Ridiculous. This was ridiculous. Two canceled orders and a few minutes stolen time and the vague idea that Damien would like these colors together, the memories of the flowers Damien gravitated towards when he would plan out his own arrangements-)

He manages a sound that could be half the word no, an awkward nasal humming, and then his voice fails entirely as the compulsive rattling growl in his throat takes precedence.

Amaryllis giggles, and Arum does not know why he does not instantly take offense to the noise. Perhaps because it sounds entirely joyful, and not at all mocking.

He sighs, after a moment, relaxing his arm and holding the bouquet at his side rather than behind his back. "Perhaps," he admits, but then he glances back through the unlit shop window, to where he can see the clock. "Though I'm not certain that it matters."

Her smile subsides a little, her head tilting. "Hm?"

"He's... late."

He told Damien he would be done around seven. He had been optimistic, apparently. It is already nearing eight, and... he and Amaryllis are still alone on the dimly lit street. He had been (without admitting it to himself) keeping an eye on the door since six thirty, for all the good it did him.

"Oh," Amaryllis says, and Arum turns his attention to her again at the quiet note of sympathy in her voice. "Maybe he... lost track of time?"

Arum thinks of the hours that Damien has previously spent agonizing about his potential purchases, and decides that the possibility is entirely likely. He is unsure if that makes him feel any better, however.

He realizes, belatedly, that Amaryllis has stepped a little closer, and he tries not to visibly tense as she lifts a hand.

"Can I see?" she asks, and Arum can't quite think of a reason to say no. He sighs again, lifting the bundle and allowing her to brush, just barely, the petal of one of the flowers. "It's pretty. The colors-"

"It was the best I could do with scraps," he deflects, shrugging one shoulder.

"It's pretty," she repeats with a stubborn lilt, glaring up at him as she gently cups a hand around one of the few roses he'd managed to salvage, a dusty pale purple thing, and the way her fingers curl against the petals is almost protective. There is something about the gesture that Arum feels like he needs to look away from. "And it's very sweet of you."

Arum grumbles, some part of himself distracted with wondering if he has ever in his life before been called sweet.

She seems to realize that she's still got her hand in his flowers, and she shifts backward without taking a step, dropping her hands back to her sides and briefly biting her lip.

"Tell you what," she says, and then she- she hesitates for a half second, ducking her head and then looking up at Arum with her dark, oddly searching eyes. "I'll wait with you. If he doesn't come..." she shrugs, "I'll walk you home."

Arum's instincts flare in at least three directions, after a moment of confused sputtering he hones in on his indignation, stiffening.

"I do not need your pity," he says, only barely managing not to spit, and Amaryllis-

Half-steps back, blinking as her expression opens in surprise.

"Wh... whoa, what? No, no, I just-" she shakes her head, giving a stunted, embarrassed laugh. "Being stood up sucks for anyone," she says, "and I just- I mean, it isn't like I haven't thought about it, y'know? You've got this whole," she pauses to gesture with a hand, up and down Arum's entire body as if that explains anything, "this whole thing, hold yourself all regal and- if we weren't both so busy constantly it might've been nice to try- to ask- I don't know, I don't-"

She pauses more fully, lifting her shoulders as she takes a deep breath and then releases it, giving Arum a wincing smile as he stares at her, still uncomprehending.

"I am... making a complete ass of myself, aren't I?"

She waits for him to answer, which means that Arum needs to come up with one. He can feel his tail twitching behind him, so he tries to curl it around his ankle to keep from hitting anything.

"I don't have the first idea what any of that meant," he admits, and she exhales a sigh that sounds relieved.

"That's fine, that's great, I was just- what I meant was, I don't want to walk you home out of pity. I want to walk you home because- because I just want to. It isn't like I have anyone else to take me out tonight, anyway," she adds, not sounding bothered about it.

Arum turns that over, then slowly gives a nod.

"Solidarity again," he murmurs, and Amaryllis snorts.

"Well- not exactly, but- fine. Yeah, that works."

Arum considers letting it drop there, but-

"If not that, then what?" he asks, his voice sounding tired even to his own ears, and she gives him a searching look.

"I like you," she says after a beat, and then she shrugs as Arum's comprehension staggers to another halt. "I'm literally too busy to date, so it's not like I was planning on doing anything about it, but- you're fun to talk to, you're gorgeous, I like talking to you," she shrugs again, a little too casual, and realization hits Arum like a physical blow that she's nervous about this, at least to some degree. "And I don't want you to have to walk home alone in the dark on some big dumb romance holiday when I could walk with you instead. So."

Arum stares at her for another long moment, but-

Before he can respond, he hears footsteps on wet pavement, and he turns his head at precisely the right moment to see Damien round the corner at an anxious jog, skidding on the turn, a journal overflowing with stuffed in pieces of extra paper clutched against his chest.

"Arum, I-"

Damien twitches with his entire body when he recognizes Amaryllis, the nervousness in her expression replaced now with amusement and delight, and-

The three of them... stare. At each other. Arum considers his third bout of wishing for swift removal from the planet. Damien looks as if he may have forgotten how to breathe air. Amaryllis only looks more amused with each moment.

But then Arum-

(Flowers in his hand. Bouquet here and now between Damien and Amaryllis. A box full of poems. Love poems.)

Arum has a moment of clarity.

He understands what he should do, even as Damien finally takes a breath to collect himself and and steps forward again. It makes Arum feel as if his stomach has vanished, but... well. It doesn't matter.

Arum holds the flowers up, pressing them into Damien's hands as the poet flushes dark and sputters wordlessly, and then Arum turns towards Amaryllis.

"He hasn't been coming by my shop for my sake," he explains, his voice strangely calm. "He was trying to pick out the perfect flowers for you, and the nerve to give them. Because he adores you," he continues, watching Amaryllis' lips part with surprise. "He's written dozens of poems for you and doesn't consider any of them sufficient to present to you, despite their beauty and deftness. He-" Arum inhales, a hint of a shake entering his voice. "He made a mistake, earlier today. I made him feel guilty. He was trying to... make up for inconveniencing me. But it is you, that he wishes to be with."

Arum makes himself turn towards Damien, then, who has returned to open gawping, his hands clutched hard around both his journal and the flowers.

"You should give those to her, honeysuckle," Arum says, because that's what happens next, isn't it? And Arum can- he can go. He's no longer needed in this exchange, and he can finally escape this whirlpool of discomfort and go back to-

Being alone.

"Hey whoa hold up-"

Amaryllis grabs his wrist before he can even finish turning, which is so surprising that Arum fully freezes instead of pulling away like he should.

"I- what? You can't just drop a bomb like that and leave."

Arum glances between the two of them, who- why are they both looking at him? Shouldn't they be- he doesn't know, falling into each other, already? It should be abundantly clear that Arum has no place here, between them.

Damien's pout is firmly aimed in his direction, however. And he glances down at the bouquet for a heartbeat, his face softening, before he shuffles the book into that hand as well, carefully juggling both objects so he can step forward and take one of Arum's other hands, his brow furrowed.

"I did not make a mistake, today," he says, and Arum is mortified to find that his voice sounds hurt. "It is-" he flushes, but perseveres, "it is true that I have been... contemplating a romantic gesture towards- towards Rilla, yes, but- but that does not mean that my words to you today were a mistake." He swallows, glancing to Amaryllis for a moment, and adds, "I apologize, that you needed be told in this way. You deserve far more than that, I should say."

"Don't mention it," Amaryllis says, her nose wrinkling as she flaps a hand in the air. "If it makes you feel better, I kinda figured you had the hots for Arum and I was stuck across the street wishing I had more free time to join the flirting."

Arum feels his frill twitch and Damien gives a startled laugh of his own.

"Flirting with- with who, may I ask?"

Amaryllis shrugs, grinning again, still holding Arum's wrist. "No wrong answers, there, I think," she says slyly, and Arum chokes on a breath, unfortunately drawing both of their attentions again. "So. Wait," Amaryllis says, tilting her head to the side. "So... Damien. You- you like me?"

Damien's flush deepens, and his throat seems to have failed to work, but he does manage to nod, his expression almost brokenly shy. Amaryllis, conversely, grins even wider.

"And you like Arum," she continues, and Damien nods again, his brow furrowing, obviously as uncertain as Arum is, as to where, precisely, she's going with this line of thinking. "So you like me and Arum, and honestly I've been fighting back crushes on the both of you for weeks now, and Arum- the date and the flowers, I think you probably like Damien back, yeah?" she asks, but she doesn't actually seem to expect an answer, this time. "And... do you feel any sort of way about me?"

Arum stiffens, two of his hands still clutched in their absurdly warm grasps, feeling utterly trapped. But-

He swallows. He glances down at each of them, hesitant and unable to hold their gazes for more than a moment each.

"You-" he hesitates, then jumps when he feels Damien squeeze his hand. "You inspire poetry," he says in a rush, and then he looks away entirely, growling low in his throat without meaning to. "Your work is exquisite and your laugh reminds me of sunlight," he adds, still growling, still not looking.

And then Amaryllis drops his hand, and he lets himself look again, startled into another spike of anxiety, but all she's done is pressed a hand over her heart, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth and her expression very tentatively hopeful. She inhales, deep but shaky, and then she quirks a smile and holds her hand out again, offering rather than taking.

"Pretty much every restaurant is going to be full up tonight," she says, "so if we want to go somewhere to talk and have some coffee, maybe... my apartment is above the shop. We could... we could go sit down, maybe. Talk a little bit more about... who likes who. And if we might want to do something about that."

Arum- blinks, then glances down towards Damien, whose expression has tilted so far past hopefulness so fast that he looks near to tears.

And he still hasn't let go of Arum's hand.

This holiday might kill him, Arum thinks again, and then-

He nods, and he takes Amaryllis' hand too.

[fiixer]

is there any kind of job you won't take?

" Y'know, most people don't ask stuff like that unless they want something reeeally weird."

That was generally how it worked, in his experience.  Either a potential client was going to ask for something bizarre, or they were too nosy for their own good, perhaps as a poor attempt at small talk to get a chummy vibe going with him.  Jordi has had a few of both in his time, the latter of which never worked, but he had to admit the attempts were adorable.  "I'm good with weird and all.  Cash is cash, I usually don't care how I have to get it, but believe it or not,  I do have standards - I know, it shocked the hell outta me, too, but there it is.   So, yeah, there's a few jobs I won't take - but, I also won't let anyone else take them, either."

What that means will come in time.

"Kids. I don't deal with shit involving kids.  And I don't mean like, holding a kid for ransom, scaring the hell out of them…that kind of thing is alright.  Not my favorite, but it pays, so I can't complain.  No, no, no, when I say 'involving kids', I mean putting them on the business end of my .45.  And before anyone starts spewing bullshit like who would do that - " For that, his voice climbs a derisive octave or two, only to drop back to normal in barely a breath. " - people do.  Not a lot of people, but people.  I've had one."

It's one he doesn't think of often anymore, now that so many years had passed.  Thus far, it had been one of a mere handful that he'd refused, and one of two he'd turned down because – well, he'd rather not get into the reasons why he'd shot them down.  Introspection sucks, he'd not here for that mess.  Oh, no, instead he's thinking an explanation is in order here.  A man like himself doesn't say no to paying work without good reason, after all.  So, guess what?  It's story time.

"I don't think I was in Chicago a year when this guy contacts me.  Says he wants to get back at his ex-wife.  They split the year before, she got their kid, she was seeing another guy and I dunno, some other bullshit, I stopped listening by that point.  I just remember thinking This is why I don't do the relationship crap.  It gets messy way too quick and then you end up with freak shows like that nutsack who can't leave shit alone.   Just thinking about it gives me a headache…" Trailing off, he comes to a pause.  A breath, and then a tense, albeit distant,  "Where the hell was I…?"

Chicago, relationships…divorced creep.  Ex wife, job refused because -

"- oh, yeah.  So, anyway, we meet, he tells me he wants to 'teach her not to fuck with him', but he doesn't want her dead, because everyone points fingers at the ex when stuff like that happens.  He just wanted her fucked up.  Not physically, 'cuz that would heal too quick and, again, everyone always thinks it's the ex.  He wanted to fuck with her head, permanently, and how'd he wanna do it?  By hiring me.  Not to mess with her or scare her or whatever- that'd be fine, I'd done it a thousand times before.  Nah, this asshole wanted me to take out the five-year-old she had custody of.  Yknow, really hit her where it hurts."

In theory, Jordi's previously mentioned tactics - ransom, threats, etc. - usually worked just fine, and probably would have in that instance, too.  Most parents would lose their minds over that kind of stuff, but a client wants what a client wants.  His part in the deal was to listen and do what he's paid to, no questions asked or input placed.

"I said I'd take it.  Told him to pay me upfront and then, when the job was done, I'd clean the mess and he'd never have to see me again, and y'know what?  He did.  Transferred it over, didn't even question it, and after he did, I was about to head out to get the job done, but before I could, the craziest shit happened.  I stood up, went to leave, and the next thing I know, there's a bullet right in the middle of his forehead - fuckin' dead center.  The second one wasn't too far off, either; think it was like…in his eye or something, I dunno, hard to remember now, but I do remember, with all of his blood flying around, some of it ended up on my jacket.  My brand new Patagonia, can you believe it?! "

The audacity of some people. Even as a corpse, the guy was a dick, which could have almost been respectable if Jordi wasn't on the receiving end of things.

He really liked that coat, too...

"So, I popped the fucker a third time, went home to change, and took myself out to a nice dinner on the lakefront.  I got my money, and no one was around to claim I didn't get the job done - which actually reminds me, you breathe a word of this to anyone, just know, I got three bullets on me just for you, got it?  Cool, cool.  But, uh..yeah, that was that."

That one felt good.  If pressed, Jordi couldn't put a finger on exactly what made that particular request much different than the countless others he'd handled; maybe it was just because it was a kid involved, maybe he'd started going soft a little sooner than he'd noticed.  Whatever the case, it was a hard limit on his end.  What should have been a meeting like any other had left a hollow pit in his stomach the whole time the guy talked, after he'd revealed intentions and explained exactly what he wanted Jordi to do.  Such a pathetic waste of space, that one, drawing a target on someone who couldn't fight back...

As far as he's concerned, he fulfilled a contract, albeit an unspoken one, for saving some random woman he'd never meet the hassle of her ex-husband's existence, and spared a kid the trouble of being caught in the middle of that whole disaster. Look at him - making the world a better place, one well-placed bullet at a time.

"Moral of the story is, a job like that?  Nope, won't take it, and anyone who comes to me with shit like that it's gonna end up like ol' what's-his-face…I can't remember it now, it's been a while.  So far, that one's been the only time I've been asked to off a kid, but if I know anything about people, it's that someone, somewhere out there, is just fucked up enough to want it, too."

[welcometogrouchland]

Amphibia and The Owl House for the ask! also hope your stomach gets better :(

Yippee my shows!! Also yeah I feel better now I just had to lie down for a while and drink a lot of water 👍

For TOH:

The first character I first fell in love with: ooh that's a toughie! I binged the first season right before s2 started airing so my memories are fuzzy. Maybe...Lilith or Willow? Luz hadn't quite cemented herself as my fav until season 2 and subsequent rewatches

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: probably Amity? I went into season 1 knowing she had a redemption but when I saw her in her first appearance it was on SIGHT. I really warmed up to her though over the course of the show, and now I enjoy her a lot! I'm proud of how far she's come. Also probably Caleb bc we knew so little about him at first that I didn't see how he could become a fan favorite for anyone. Then Hollow Mind happened and. You get it. OH WAIT LAST ANSWER FOR THIS- Camila! Not because I ever thought she was a bad mom but because I didn't think they'd give a parent character so much depth. I love what they did with her in seasons 2 and 3 so much

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: uhh maybe Belos?? In certain circles at least. Interesting guy but I don't have much fondness/affection for him, y'know? Or Alador. He's aight but clouds on the horizon made him a bit...flat, for me. Also this is less of a thing now but not too long ago BOSCHA oh my god. Ppl acting like the show not spending time on her was a failure like. Okay! Sure! Let's just say things now, ig! I much prefer what they did with her in ftf. It's not redemption exactly but it's acknowledgment that she's just a kid. A shitty kid but still

The character I love that everyone else hates: KIKIMORA MAN. I know I know I'm also mad they spent all of follies at the coven day parade building her up as potentially sympathetic only to steer away from that route again and again as if they changed their mind BUT. I fucking love this horrible fail creature. No backbone, no morals, no prospects, no bitches. Beefing with teenagers and exiled from her family home and place of business. Pathetic. Get her ass!!!

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: oh that's a complicated one. I know I also said she grew on me unexpectedly but the answer to this one might also be Amity. Not in the sense that I stopped liking her, but in the sense that other characters caught my attention more as time went on. Rip to Amity, still love u. I am just a Willow and Luz girlie

The character I would totally smooch: most of the women I am being real with you this show is overflowing with cute character designs

The character I’d want to be like: honestly? Eda. Yeah she's got problems and she's not the ideal mentor you'd expect but she's just such a cool confident older woman who doesn't let ppl control her life

The character I’d slap: I'd say Belos but that'd be too obvious (and rewarding). Instead imma say Boscha. This is not the right way to deal with highschool bullies but I do not care. This isn't about her. This is about me. And I wanna slap her just a wee bit. It's fine I'm not that much older than her I'm allowed to

A pairing that I love: sigh. Hubtlow

A pairing that I despise: b*schlow. Bully/victim ships I hate thee. Loathe thee, even. Also I definitely don't despise it but can I please stop getting l*nter jump scared. I don't go there let me out. Stop putting it on my feed

NOW FOR THE FROG SHOW AHAHA!!!

The first character I first fell in love with: unsure tbh! Maybe Polly but I know she definitely wasn't as violent/funny at the beginning of the series. Probably Anne or (depending on how fast I binged, I cannot remember) maybe Sasha

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Anne or Sasha I think! Both start off as like. Semi-unlikeable characters (Sasha more so than Anne), which I appreciate now in retrospect, but at the time I couldn't picture myself getting as invested in them as I got. Also. How would you guys feel if I said andrias (I DIDN'T WANNA LIKE HIM. EVEN WHEN HE WAS BEING A JOLLY GOOFBALL I KNEW THE OTHER SHOE HAD TO DROP AND I WAS PREPARED TO HATE HIM. AND THEN THEY INTRODUCED DARCY AND GAVE US THIS NEW DYNAMIC AND CONTEXT AND JUST. MAN!!!)

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: okay, it's not that I don't love her, but Marcy is definitely my least fav in the calamity trio. Again, not because I dislike her, I just like Anne and Sasha a lot more, y'know?

The character I love that everyone else hates: tbh I'm not in the fandom enough to know who is and isn't hated. Was Sasha ever hated? Maybe by some but idk

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: don't think this one really applies to anyone in amphibia? A weird one that kinda matches is I used to think valeriana was like. Mysterious and cool and then they didn't do much with her after the second temple and I was like. She's just kinda there now, huh?

The character I would totally smooch: IDK MAN THE SHOW IS 90% FROGS AND PRETEENS!!!! I AM NOT KISSING THEIR ASSES THEY ARE SLIMY (THE PRETEENS INCLUDED!)

The character I’d want to be like: again, 90% of them are frogs or preteens. Maybe Anne? I like how far she's come and how far she's still willing to go at the end, turning down ultimate power in the name of keeping the world safe and staying with the people she loves. Also I want cool anime powers /j

The character I’d slap: Sasha but only if it was s1-s2 Sasha bc I love her and I feel like she needs it. Girl. Get a grip

A pairing that I love: hehehe sashanne <3

A pairing that I despise: DON'T SHIP THE HUMAN GIRLS WITH FROGS. THAT FEELS LIKE THE EASIEST THING MAN!!!