#bestfriendfelix

[yesimwriting]

oh my god yes i'm very much interested in a drabble about my favourite besties kissing as besties do!!!!!!!!

the one that i really can't stop thinking about is the "i trust you more than anyone else" stuff like it's me and you against the world i'm such a sucker for that!! especially since felix is surrounded by people who wanna be close to him all the time and as easy going and open as he seems with anyone, it's of course on an entirely different level with reader

ugh the intimacy of it all makes me melt i love them😭😭

you get the vision!!

also had to start off a little angstier than usual bc the bestie kiss ™️ is only justifiable if both of them are upset enough to be more focused on being close than anything else, y'know

----

The taste lingers. The bitterness infects all it touches, poisoning you from the inside out as you down the drink that some guy pushed into your hand a few minutes ago.

A familiar warning briefly flashes to the front of your mind. Don't take drinks from strangers...especially not drinks that you didn't see them make. One of a hundred safety rules that you usually adhere to.

You've never really under the self destructive urge after drinking thing. Maybe it's just being tired. Maybe it's just this.

You wipe at your eyes with your palm, only remembering the products you had so carefully applied to your skin a few hours ago after the fact.

"Are you--" A familiar voice cuts through the music. You blink once, but it's not enough to force your eyes to adjust, so you try again. After screwing your eyes shut for a second, you can finally make out the person in front of you. Annabel. "You don't look like you're doing too good."

Your irritation has nothing to do with her, and yet seeing her standing there, effortlessly flawless with a slight edge that just fits here, you feel the knot in your stomach tighten. But that's not her fault, so as stabiliy and politely as possible, you answer, "I'm...fine."

She regards you for a moment, eyebrows pinching together in uncertainty. "Why don't we find Felix, yeah?"

Why does everyone always assume that Felix is the solution to all of your problems? "I'm okay," you try again, voice a little more certain, "really."

Annabel still doesn't seem too convinced. She turns her head, scanning the crowded room. It doesn't take long for her to find Felix. It never does.

He's sitting on a loveseat that's been pushed towards the edge of the room. A few people are standing around him, a girl is sitting on the chair's arm, her legs swung over his lap.

"And he seems..." You force your face to remain neutral as your eyes finally land on him. "Busy."

Annabel looks back at you, her lips pressing together. Her expression only adds to your unease. "He wouldn't mind. It's you."

You shake your head, the motion adding to your slight nausea. Usually, you wouldn't think twice about sticking by Felix's side. Especially in this kind of setting, but after the words the two of you exchanged earlier, everything feels off its axis.

You're not used to fighting with Felix. It's such a foreign concept that the strange tension that had you walking away from him earlier probably doesn't even constitute an actual argument. But it's enough to make you feel out of place.

Swallowing once, you force yourself to focus on Annabel. "I think I just need some air." Annabel's still regarding you with uncertainty. "I'll be back in a minute, and if I feel sick or anything, I'll go get Felix." She doesn't move until someone calls her name. "Go. Have fun. I'll see you."

Annabel nods once, giving you a polite smile before leaving.

The door is near where Felix is sitting, which means there's no leaving without walking past him. There's enough of a crowd around him that him not noticing is a likely option, so you feel safe crossing the room.

You push your way through the room, eyes trained on the ground to help your balance. It's also a good excuse to not look at Felix as you reach the door.

There are stragglers--a group of girls chatting and giggling in front of the door, some guys doing shots, a girl in the middle of a phone call that looks painful.

You walk around the side of the house until you find an empty section of the sidewalk. The party feels far away here, even though the only thing dividing you is a few cars, a mailbox, and a streetlight. You sit and let yourself pretend that the bit of distance you've managed to create means something.

You could actually leave. Sure, this is a slightly off campus house party, but it's only a few blocks away from the street that'll take you to your dorm. You did walk here, but that was when you were focused, sober, and you had Felix with you.

But that's--you brought cash. You think. Maybe you should call a cab. It's not the worst idea. You drop your attention to the ground, instinctually searching for your purse.

Ugh. Your purse. Felix. You gave it to Felix.

Okay, you're still an independent person. This is probably for the best. It's never a good idea to leave a party without at least telling the person you came with, and this way it won't be a big deal. You'll ask for your purse so that you can call a cab. He probably won't even care.

You just need a minute to get it together. Then you'll be able to go back in, tap Felix on his shoulder, and get your purse. He won't even have to get that girl off his lap.

It is such a double standard. Felix completely forgetting about you is perfectly fine, but you talk to one person that isn't more Felix's friend than yours at one of these things and that must mean you're trying to replace him as a best friend.

Maybe you've been deluding yourself, convincing yourself that your friendship means more than it actually does. The thought makes it hard to breathe right.

"It's cold out."

Your palms press into asphalt as you snap your head to find the source of the sound. Felix. A lump wedges itself in your throat. "I'm fine." He takes a step forward. "I just wanted some air."

You turn your head, forcing yourself to stare ahead. Soft footsteps, the crunching of asphalt echoes, somehow sharper than the music coming from the house. Felix sits.

He's farther than he usually is.

You lift your hands, taking your time brushing your fingers against your palms to get rid of the debris that indented itself into your skin. "You um--you have my purse, right?" You fold your hands against your lap. "I need my phone. I--I need to call a taxi."

"What?" His voice doesn't come out angry, but there's a flatness there that burrows deep into the pit of your stomach. It almost feels disappointed. "Why?"

You squeeze your hands together, "I want to go home." You still can't look at him. "I want to go back to my room." Your voice starts to crack on the last word. Nails instinctually dig into your knee.

Felix sighs, angling himself towards you, "You don't have to do that." His voice is soft, cautious. "If you want to leave, I'll take you."

"No," you shake your head once, attention still focused forward to keep him from noticing the fact that your eyes are now watering. All of this feels so dumb, so small. Why are you almost crying? "It's okay, you're having fun, I can get back by myself."

He lets out another breath, moving his arm so that his hand sits between both of you. "You're drunk."

"So are you."

A beat of silence that feels like an attempt at admitting that he's more than just drunk. You saw Tyler--or Trevor, or maybe Timothy--wandering the halls. Some guy whose name you can never remember because he only shows up at the end of nights, when you're too out of it to do much more than just be happy. He's known for carrying--and sharing--harder stuff.

Not that you'd know. There's nowhere that Felix won't take you, nothing that he keeps from you. That's part of the beauty of your friendship, the lack of judgement. But Felix isn't fond of you participating in everything all the time.

If you ever show interest in anything on a night that Felix isn't feeling too sure about, he'll offer to get you whatever you want later, when it's just the two of you. Maybe you'd mind his concern if you cared about getting high more.

You can feel Felix's stare, the weight of his full attention. "You don't actually think I'm going to let you go anywhere alone, after drinking, in the middle of the night."

There's a patience there that makes it hard to sit still. You turn your head, finally looking at him, "I'm fine. I can--" You cut yourself off with a slight sniffle.

You wipe at your face with the side of your palm. Felix's eyebrows are pinched together. You don't know what to make of the way he's watching you. Felix lifts his hand, fingers finding their way against your jaw before you can move. "You're upset."

Pressing your lips together, you try to force yourself to look as neutral as possible. "I'm fine." He doesn't move. "You should go back to your party, Felix."

"The party?" His expression briefly contorts in confusion. "I don't care about the party." Your vision is starting to blur. "There are other parties. You're crying." Felix shifts his hand up your face, his thumb brushing against the apple of your cheek.

You try to take a stabilizing breath, "It's not a big deal." You will yourself to move, to rely on him less. "I don't think I'm going to be any fun tonight, you should go, and I--I'll talk you tomorrow."

He frowns. "You don't have to be any fun." Felix shouldn't have to coddle you. Embarrassment and guilt further knot your stomach. "If you want to sit here, we can sit here. If you want to go inside, we can go inside. If you want to go home, we'll go home."

"Earlier," you manage, focusing on keeping your voice as even as possible, "When we--" Tears pool in your eyes, something at the back of your throat constricts. "I didn't--I don't know--"

You're not making sense, forcing out fragments of thoughts that don't work together. Felix seems to understand anyway, his thumb grazing against your cheek. "We don't have to talk about that now." You nod slowly. "If you still want to go home, let me take you."

You attempt a full breath, "But what ab--"

He tilts his head in a way that makes it feel like he's telling you a secret, "If you ask about the party again, I'm calling you delusional."

You roll your eyes. It's a relatively lame threat, but it serves its purpose. The corner of your mouth tugs itself upwards, your lips pressed together to hold in a partial laugh. "Okay."

Felix's hand slips from the side of your face and finds a new place against your shoulder. "Yeah? Let's go then."

He stands first and then extends an arm to help you. His stability makes it easier.

There is no laughter or pausing on sidewalks to try to hold onto each other. The two of you are quiet, but Felix does keep your fingers intertwined the entire way back to his dorm.

You don't think to question where he's taking you until you're in his room. "Felix." The walk had been good for you, the fresh air and time to gather your thoughts providing enough of a reprieve for you to get it together. "I want to go to sleep."

"Yeah," he mumbles, "I know, I'll get you your favorite shirt."

Your eyes focus on the ground. "I think I should sleep in my room tonight."

Felix sighs, turning away from the door. "You're trying to leave again."

The accusation only half makes sense, but there's a quietness to his voice that gets to you. All the nervous, alcohol fueled energy is coming back with a vengeance. "When have I ever left you?"

Felix scoffs, the sound bitter. "You left me tonight." If his voice was any less raspy, any less urging, you likely would have laughed. He's the one that got mad at you. "You just--you walked away from me. Like I didn't even matter to you."

The a thinly veiled sadness there that almost feels nervous. He can't meet your gaze. The pride encouraging you to stand still bleeds from you. Without its heat, its fire, there's not much keeping you stable.

You move forward, footsteps cautious. "Felix." You stretch a hand forward, fingers brushing against his forearm. He doesn't move. "Of course you matter to me. So much." Your fingers bend around his wrist. "You're my best friend."

He turns his arm. Your body tenses, preparing for his rejection. Felix's hand squeezes yours. There's a tension in his hold, but you embrace it all the same. "You walked away from me."

You take another step towards him, freehand finding his arm. "That's why." He sets a hand against you waist. The contact is firm, unforgiving. There's still hurt, but the only thing more unthinkable than holding on is letting go. "What you say means so much to me, because you're my best friend." His fingers press into your side. "And you were upset--and there were so many people--" Tears prick the corner of your eyes. "And I couldn't do that there."

"No." He squeezes your hand. "No, don't--don't cry, we're okay." As if to prove his point, Felix pulls you closer. The movement's too sudden for you to keep your balance on your own. You tighten your hold on Felix's arm. "Still my best girl, yeah?"

This is nowhere near the closest you've ever been to him. He has a hand on your hip, but that's far from the touchiest he's ever been. It shouldn't--he shouldn't be this distracting. It takes you a second too long to remember to nod.

He angles his head downwards, his cheek finding a place against your shoulder. Felix's breath is warm against your neck. "Wouldn't leave me."

You nod, moving your hand to rest against his back. Felix relaxes against you. It's not easy to stay stable with the alcohol still in your system and Felix's weight on you, but you manage.

"No." You mean it so much it almost hurts to get out. You'd never walk away from him. There's nothing like your bond with Felix. You could talk to him, be around him forever without feeling drained. "Of course not."

Felix turns his head, brushing his lips against your neck. "Stay over, then?" The question is soft, fragile. It'd be smart to create distance. If tonight's proven anything, it's that you're too attached to him. "Please?"

You smooth your knuckles against his spine. "Okay." He presses a kiss against your shoulder. "Yeah. I'll stay."

He hugs you even tighter. "No more tears, alright?"

You squeeze him back. "Alright."

For awhile, the two of you stay like that. There's nothing left to say, and that still manages to be comfortable. Silence is never uncomfortable with Felix.

He eventually shifts to place a kiss against the side of your neck. "We should get ready for bed."

You hum once in agreement. Neither of you move. Things are simple when you factor out the rest of the world. Things are easy when it's just you and Felix.

An overwhelming wave of fondness brings you back. As gently as possible, you start the process of untangling limbs. Felix pouts at you, expression drowsier than before.

Your fingers carefully brush his hair out of his face. "I need to change."

Felix fully straightens. His hand finds the back of your head. He pulls you towards him, pressing a kiss against your forehead. "Okay."

He lets go of you before walking towards his dresser. Felix opens the top drawer and finds your usual sleep shirt. You take it before entering his bathroom.

Going out outfits are cute, but there's something about the moment you get home that immediately forces every ounce of discomfort to hit all at once. You shed the restrictive layers before pulling Felix's T-shirt over your head.

You swear there's some kind of rich guy secret to keeping clothes this soft. A combination of fabric, fancy detergent, and some third thing that's reserved for those in the know.

You turn on the sink, ready to wash what's left of the night off of your face. Felix has never gotten rid of or moved anything you've left in here. What's left of your buzz has you more emotional than usual, making the evidence of your life in his space heavier than it should be.

The feeling is good and bad all at once. Your attachment to Felix is the kind of thing that can only come from fully understanding someone. But there's an inherent danger in knowing someone like that, carrying about them like that. Especially Felix, who has everyone so he doesn't need anyone.

You splash some more water onto your face, attempting to shake off any lingering angst. You don't want to dissect your friendship until it eventually falls apart into nothingness.

When you finally step back into his room, Felix is sitting on his bed, back pressed against the wall. He's managed to change into pajama pants, but seems to be struggling with everything else. His shirt's half unbuttoned, and his fingers are actively working at undoing the rest of them. Felix's movements are slow and clumsy as he tugs on the fabric.

Wow. Maybe you were right to think he was high. "Hey." He looks up at you, hands still attempting to pull apart his shirt. There's something endearing about the clumsiness. He drops his head back down to refocus."Do you--uh--do you need help?"

He angles his head to one side, a smile playing at his lips. "Are you asking to undress me?"

Heat burns through your chest, leaving you hollow. You approach his dresser, leaving your neatly folded outfit on the wooden surface. "Figure out your own shirt."

"No," his sigh is light, almost a laugh, "'M kidding." Your glare only seems to add to his easygoing mood. He smiles, dropping a hand to pat the space next to him. "Come here."

You give in with a sigh, crossing the room and sitting at the foot of his bed. He reaches forward, briefly squeezing your shoulder before returning to work on his shirt. It's hard to watch him stumble through undoing a single button, just to have to start the process all over again.

You pull your legs onto the bed, turning to fully face him. Your knee is pressed against his thigh.

"Lovie," he hums, as if your presence is some kind of revelation.

"Felix." He grins, hands releasing his shirt in favor of trying to grasp your arm. "Wait--" His fingers wrap around your wrist. "I'm--trying--" He pulls your hand towards him, placing a kiss against your knuckles. You laugh. "I'm trying to help you."

He tugs on your arm. His pull isn't harsh, but the unexpectedness of it paired with your buzz makes it enough to throw off your balance. Your freehand presses against the mattress in an attempt to stabilize yourself. Felix laughs, tugging on you again.

Fighting your own fit of giggles, you instinctually push yourself onto your knees in an attempt to regain some control. Felix gives you a second to find your footing. You gently pull his hand off of your forearm and set it on his lap. He frowns.

You extend your arms, placing your hands on his shoulders. Part of the reason for it is to help keep you stable, the rest of it is to keep him focused. He looks up at you, eyes pools of hesitant affection. "Stay still."

He lets you reach for his shirt. "Y'don't have to, I'm okay."

Shrugging, you continue to work at unclasping his buttons. "It's okay, I like helping you."

You unbutton the few buttons that are left. "Better?" Felix nods. "I'll get you a pajama shirt."

Before you can get far, Felix grabs your hand. "We're..." He focuses on bending and straightening your fingers. "Good, right?"

There's something soft about the question, almost shy. "Yeah." He turns over your palm, tracing the lines etched into your skin. "Of course we're good." You adjust, crossing your legs beneath you to sit down.

"Honestly, I was thinking about it, and part of the reason I was upset is because..." This is harder to admit than you thought it'd be. "You seemed really okay without me, and that--I don't know. It's dumb, because I really do want you to be happy, but it made me feel a little replaceable, I guess."

"What?"

You sigh, dropping your attention to your intertwined hands. "I know, I said it was dumb." You pause, eyes darting up to look at him. His expression isn't judgmental or like he needs space. You can't fully read his expression, but nothing about the way he's looking at you feels unkind. "I only mentioned it to be honest, I don't like the idea of keeping se--"

He pulls on your arm again, this time his hold a little firmer. You're closer now. Felix's other hand finds your hip, anchoring you in place. You're too confused to do anything but blink at him.

Felix lets go of your arm, fingers finding their way beneath your chin. He angles your head so that all of your attention is on him. Your lips part, a half thought out question is on the tip of your tongue when Felix leans towards you. His lips meet yours.

You're still, shock and something a lot more electric rendering you in capable of anything else. This isn't the first time Felix has pressed his lips against yours. He's affectionate, especially when drinking is involved. He'll brush his lips against yours after taking a shot together, or just because at the end of a long night. It's not an everyday thing, but it's happened from time to time.

This--this isn't that. He's lingering, lips parting so that his teeth can graze against your bottom lip. Felix pulls away just enough to look you in the eye. His thumb brushes across your cheek.

"You're my best friend." Felix's words are so urging, so pleading you nod before you can think. "Best mate. You're the--the only one that gets me. Really gets me." His hand moves to the back of your head, pulling you back to him.

Any sense of hesitance vanishes the second time he kisses you. He's all consuming, lips dragging against yours with a desperate patience that's dizzying. It's disorientating, the desire to be that much closer to someone when there's no way to get there.

Felix's hand finds your back. He pushes you towards him. There's no good way to oblige. You try anyway, shifting your weight back onto your knees. Felix pulls you forward by your waist. You're too focused on him to realize what's happening until you're on his lap.

He takes his time letting you go, teeth tugging on your bottom lip. "I trust you more than anyone." Felix leans back in, placing a quick kiss against your lips. "You're not replaceable." He squeezes your shoulder. "You know that, right?"

Still breathless, you nod. He's watching you with so much patience, so much care it's almost hard to bare.

His thumb smooths circles against your shoulder. "Let's go to bed, yeah?"

You lift his hand off your thigh to press a kiss against the back of his palm. "Yeah, lets go to bed."

He squeezes your shoulder once before letting you go. You move off of his lap carefully.

Felix sits up enough to push his shirt off of his shoulders. Your eyes instinctually fall to his sheets. "Do you want me to get you a shirt?"

"Why? Distracted?"

You roll your eyes in an attempt to the fact that you are struggling to look at him. "Shut up."

He grins as he pulls back his sheets. "M'okay." You take the opportunity to slip beneath the layers of fabric. Felix waits until you're settled to crawl beneath the sheets. "It's warm enough, even with you stealing my blankets."

"I do not," the sentence is more of a mock gasp than anything else. Felix shifts onto his side before collapsing his weight on you. "Felix."

"What?" He rests his cheek against your chest. "This is the only way to keep you from taking my sheets."

You sigh, feigning annoyance as your fingers find his hair. "Rude. I'm a great bed sharer."

Felix lets out a partial laugh against the side of your neck. His hand finds your hip. "You are pretty great."

Your hand trails down towards his back, nails grazing against the bare skin. "You are, too."

Silence stretches between the two of you for so long you assume that he's already fallen asleep. Felix has a talent for drifting off in the blink of an eye.

"Lovie?" He whispers the term so lowly you almost convince yourself the sound is a figment of your imagination.

"Yeah?"

You can feel the shift in his breathing. "It's you and me--just you and me, when it comes down to it." His thumb brushes up and down your side. "You know that."

He relaxes as your fingers trail down the start of his spine. "Yeah. Of course I know that." A part of you feels naive for believing his words so easily. He's too adored to just be your Felix at the end of the day, and yet-- "Just you and me."

Felix leaves an open mouthed kiss against collarbone. It's the kind of warm that leaves goosebumps breaking out everywhere the contact can't be felt. "Good."

----

taglist; @vader-is-hot @spiritofbuddha @getosangie @freyafriggafrey @ilovehyperfixating @aryiannarae @willowpains @ker0senebunny

[yesimwriting]

can we get a felix angst where its not like felix causing the angst its the reader 😭 i dont know if I worded that correctly.but it’s always felix making the reader sad so maybe the other way around?

a/n we are giving felix a rough day >:)

i love queue,, i'm posting this and babysitting at the exact same time hehehe

----

Three songs. You've been sitting at the bar, undivided attention focused on a guy that walked up to you for three songs.

You place your elbow on the bar's surface, angling your head upwards so that it's easier to direct a grin at the stranger. The guy takes a partial step forward, his hand settling on the counter, about an inch away from your skin. Felix can feel some muscle in his law lock. Three and a half songs now.

"You okay?" Annabel's voice is warm against his skin, soft and yet still clear despite the heavy music.

Felix lets his eyes fall shut, his hand settling against Annabel's side. The odd, hollow feeling creating a pit in his stomach has to be a result of the influx of alcohol in his system. Or maybe he's over extended himself, one too many parties and social activities during a week in which he had to complete several, time consuming assignments.

Your distance isn't making these things easier, which is an okay thing to feel. It's even a fact he feels no shame admitting to himself. You're his friend--his best friend--and the two of you came here together. It's only natural for Felix to feel irritated at the thought of being so casually dismissed.

There's also the usual, completely understandable, worry. You're a girl...and while Felix knows you're capable, strong willed, and brilliant, he also understands how guys are.

Sure, Felix might not know that particular guy, but that doesn't mean Felix can't see right through him. Nice hair cut, confident stance, a familiarity in the way he looks at you...

Felix opens his eyes. "I'm fine." He gently squeezes Annabel's hip. "You need another drink?" His eyes land on you. You're giggling now. Beaming. "I'm getting one."

His hand drops back to his side. Annabel's lips pull into a frown. "Sure. I'll have whatever."

He nods once, the motion absentminded as he walks forward. The crowd is a mesh of enthusiastic bodies, packed together too tightly on a too small dance floor. They don't seem to mind, too distracted by the discounted drinks and the prospect of the long weekend the deal is meant to celebrate.

Felix approaches the side of the bar you're sitting at even though the bartender's closer to the other side. He has all night.

He doesn't need it. After a few seconds, there's the squeak of a shifting barstool and something warm touching his forearm. "Lex." Your name for him slips past your lips enthusiastically. You grin at him. "You're here."

Felix's irritation is still sharp enough to make him consider gently pulling his arm away from you, but your touch is so assured and oddly settling. He also likes the thought of you being so willing to hold onto him in front of that guy. "Needed a drink."

You briefly press your lips together, a hint of uncertainty tinging your expression. "I could've brought you one." You let your hand fall away from Felix before crossing your arms on your lap. "And Annabel--she's with you, right?"

There's something pressed between the syllables of your secondary comment that Felix doesn't get. You and Annabel seem to like each other well enough, chatting comfortably during group get togethers. And it's not like Felix was ignoring you to talk to her, you wandered away and Felix ran into Annabel. "You seemed busy."

Your eyebrows pinch together. "Oh, I'm being rude." You shake your head once in an attempt to dismiss any social missteps. "Felix, this is James..." You turn your head, smiling at the guy that's been patiently waiting for this. "And James, this is Felix."

James isn't the first guy to accidentally stumble onto you. They have enough in common to be interchangeable. They all look at you the same way, like you're something to take. They don't think to approach you until late enough in the night to assume that you've had a few. However, there's one thing that unites them more than anything else, and that's the way they react to Felix.

As soon as it's clear that you and Felix are friends, that you're close, they're doing all they can to silently promise that they meant to offense. That they didn't know. That their intentions were perfectly innocent and would have never manifested themselves as anything if they had known that they were treading on unsafe ground.

"James is in my anatomy class." So he already knows you. "And Felix is my friend."

"Best friend." That's the comment that usually does it.

Felix studies James's reaction. There should be something indicating some form of regret or inferiority. Instead, James straightens his spine and tilts his chin upwards a fraction of an inch. There's something determined in the look. "Felix. Nice to meet you. Your friend's talked a lot about you."

The pit in Felix's stomach expands into a chasm. He had never let himself consider the possibility that someone would take you away from him.

You're a relationship person. If this were to go further than a bar chat, it'd turn into more than that. James would fall for you, because who wouldn't? And that--that'd be it.

A boyfriend wouldn't let you sleep in his bed. A boyfriend wouldn't let you get away with a few just because kisses at the end of long night outs. A boyfriend wouldn't understand the two of you enough to let things stay the same.

"Yeah," Felix manages, "Nice to meet you, too." He straightens, his posture reaching a rigidness that's usually reserved for formal events back home. "Y'know she's never really mentioned you, and I'm around her enough to know."

You throw him a look. "We were just talking about how we haven't really talked much this semester."

"Not a lot of room for conversation between labs." James extends a hand, his fingers brushing against your arm. "Though you wouldn't know that watching this one." James tilts his head in your direction. There's a fondness in his expression that has Felix's stomach turning. "Want to see stable hands? Watch her dissect a cat."

Felix doesn't miss the way your expression instinctually sours. Anything that involves cutting into something that once was alive makes you a little nauseous. He's had to subtly comfort you after more involved labs, smoothing circles against your back and assuring you it was all for a good cause.

"Y'know the only reason she's fast is because cutting into animals makes her a little sick." You angle your head upwards to frown at him. The amount of heartache dissection based labs bring you has always embarrassed you. "But I know what you mean, steady hands."

You tilt your head, squinting your eyes slightly in confusion. Felix doesn't think he's said enough to upset you, but then again, who knows what kind of image you want James to hold onto?

There's no way James from intro to anatomy knows you the way Felix does. There's no way he ever could. Letting go of desired perceptions is at the heart of your friendship.

"Let's get a round."

You pull your arm away from the counter. "Lex, we can--"

"C'mon." Felix keeps his voice as harmless as possible. He places a hand on your shoulder, thumb instinctually dragging against the side of your collarbone. "Let me get to know your new friend, Lovie."

James taps his fingers against the edge of the bar. "Yeah," he mumbles, "We're all friendly."

You don't ease, but you also don't say anything or attempt to push Felix's hand away. He waves down a bartender, ordering something from the top shelf.

Felix briefly thinks of Annabel and his promise to bring her something. The bar's too crowded for him to wave her over without leaving, and if there's one thing that isn't an option now it's that. She'll find them if she feels like it, and either way, she's not the type to be bothered by that kind of thing.

James downs his shot with an ease that has Felix wanting to roll his eyes. You're fighting against a grimace, the way you usually do when drinking certain hard liquors without anything to follow. Despite his irritation, Felix still smooths circles against your back.

One round turns into another, which eventually turns into a third. James is chatty, comfortable and unflinching in his place by your side. Something about James's inability to take a hint makes it harder to keep the drinking lighthearted.

"'Nother round?"

You shake your head, the motion exaggerated and sluggish. "I'm out."

The reaction is too tired and genuine to be a sign of anything else besides you having a little more to drink than usual. Felix should take it as a sign to let any passive aggression go. You'll be crawling into his bed, in one of his T-shirts, by the end of the night. There won't be any reason to worry about James then, when he gets to smooth back your hair and brush his fingers against your skin without concern.

But rationality feels too distant for Felix to grasp onto, especially with that gnawing feeling still attacking his stomach. "Come on, Lovie, you don't want to tap out early in front of your new friend."

Leaning back into your seat, you look at Felix openly. For a fleeting moment, there's something unnervingly sober behind your eyes. He can feel you seeing right through him. "Are you okay?"

Felix blinks. "Why wouldn't I be?"

You prop your head up on an elbow, eyebrows pinching together. The haze of alcohol's pulling at you again. "You seem...weird."

He doesn't have a good response. There's no good way to describe the unease that's making it hard to just stand there. Maybe tonight should've been a dorm room night. The two of you could be reading together right now or listening to music or falling asleep to some movie.

"I'm tired."

You frown. "You want to go?"

The thought of leaving with you, of ending this interaction all together is more comforting than the thought of going to bed. "Think so."

You reach forward, not quite reaching Felix's hand but coming close enough for him to get the hint. He intertwines your fingers.

You turn your head to look over at James. He frowns, feeling the impending rejection. "Felix is all grown up, I think he can get back to his room by himself."

"We came here together." There's a sharpness to your voice that has Felix easing slightly, like the thought of ever leaving him to fend for himself is inherently ridiculous.

"Yeah." James presses his lips together into what isn't quite a smile. "I'll see you around."

Felix squeezes your hand. You push yourself to stand. "Yeah, I'll see you."

The two of you stumble out of the nightclub and into a much quieter, stiller world. The moon illuminates the street more than the few streetlights.

You two are walking so close together it's hard to tell who's supporting who. You're leaning against him, but Felix's hold on you is so tight he's not sure he'd be able to walk straight without you. He decides it doesn't matter.

Felix stops walking. It takes you a second to still. Even though you're only half a step ahead, you still turn around fully. Before you can say anything, Felix leans forward, pressing his lips against yours.

It takes you a moment to catch up with what's happening, but once you do, you lean into it. Felix pulls away slowly, his teeth dragging against your bottom lip.

"What was that about?"

Felix can feel the answer in his bones. He wanted to kiss you to prove to himself that he could, that nothing had changed. Instead of admitting that, he shrugs. "You, I guess."

You laugh, tugging on his arm to get him to start walking forward, "You're drunk."

"And you love me."

You roll your eyes. "Very much."

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