#which is fantastic for my own comfort ngl

[spearxwind]

Sorry if you've answered this before, I tried looking but couldn't find it if you did~ I'm just curious about what happened between you and BNHA? All I remember is you used to reblog fanart and now it's one of your most hated series.

I was just asking since I've seen you bring your hate for it up every now and then. No worries if you don't feel like answering ofc!

I used to enjoy the manga at first until the quality of it tanked severely and I lost interest, which is another can of worms

but specifically I find the fanbase absolutely fucking insufferable. Bnha as a whole has made having any kind of design impossible because everyone will liken your ocs to the characters in it if they share a single trait, despite bnha not having invented a single one of the tropes they use

My characters have been likened to bnha characters more times than what i am comfortable with, and it sucks ass.

and then, specifically, a bnha fanartist user with over 12k followers at the time just straight up stole one of my characters (adri), and got endless praise for sharing their "oc", antagonized the shit out of me when i reached out to them too to the point I had a breakdown about the situation

in general I have found bnha fans to be really rude to the point where I cannot separate the media from the fanbase, i dont have what youd call a good impression or opinion of it as a whole

[leighsartworks216]

How the LADS men would react to some of my favorite games

All x Reader (separately, and it's not the main focus)

Picking out games for them all was kinda difficult, bc I have so many favorites and I wasn't sure what they'd react to or how they'd react. But I'm pretty happy with these

Based on this post

Warnings: crackfic (kinda?), one horror game, slight angst with Zayne, swearing

Word Count: 1,123 (oh hell yeah)

Main Masterlist

Love and Deepspace Masterlist

AO3

Tag List Form (Psst fill this out to be tagged in future fics! - Updated to include Xavier)

Xavier:

I think Xavier would love The Outer Worlds

I mean,, it’s a game that takes place entirely in another solar system where you crash land in an escape pod on a strange planet and gotta figure out how people here work without letting them know you’re “not from here”

They literally call the player “The Stranger”

I think he’d love looking up at the sky in game

Every one of the sky boxes is gorgeous but Emerald Vale especially

I think he’d find a safe area in game and put it on just to stare up at the sky (and fall asleep too)

Tries to choose the best outcome for every situation

Which means fucking over the government and not feeling an ounce of guilt for it

But fucking over the underdogs even for a minute feels awful

Has to ask you which choice is better or how to get the best outcome

Scarily good at fighting with melee weapons

Esp considering the heavy reliance on guns

Accidentally min-maxes the characters

He’d also love Coffee Talk

The music is so calming he usually ends up falling asleep to it

Spends a lot of time and consideration into every drink

Draws a little bunny in the lattes every single time

Probably accidentally clocks the plot twist of the game on the very first run

Tries making you the drinks irl and uhhhh he shouldn’t

-

Zayne:

Of the games I’ve played, I think The Silent Age would be very interesting for him

Helps solve the puzzles (even if you’ve played it before)

Says he finds the art style to be “charming”

Sits through every piece of dialogue no matter how long and doesn’t go forward until he comprehends it

Gets so concerned when Joe starts coughing

Generally doesn’t like seeing the bodies

It makes him unsettled and has him thinking about those he’s lost to such gruesome deaths

The twist at the end absolutely fascinates him so much

And the SECOND twist pulls him out of it

Was lowkey hoping it would be something more… fantastical

But does have to admit that horror in the now-mundane is interesting too

I also would LOVE to watch him play Ace Attorney

Could you IMAGINE???

“This is illegal.” “I know, but so is murder.” “They don’t cancel out, you know.”

“If somebody on the witness stand is overreacting that much to one small detail, I think the judge should be a little more concerned about it.”

He’d kinda love Miles Edgeworth ngl

Understands exactly what he means with the entire “unnecessary feelings” business

Wishes the autopsy reports were more in depth, for his own amusement

Accidentally says “objection” when you’re trying to lie to him about not taking care of yourself

Can’t live it down for the next week, at LEAST

-

Sylus:

Little Nightmares, straight up

He finds the concept absolutely fascinating

Doesn’t play, but enjoys watching you play

“Careful, kitten. His long arms almost grabbed you.” “YES, THANK YOU, I NOTICED.”

Loves to see you so panicked and freaked out

Laughs if something small makes you jump out of your skin

But he does try to comfort you after chase sequences when it feels like you’re having a heart attack

Pulls you into his lap and promises to protect you

Will not complain if you choose to stay there for the rest of the game

Helps you solve puzzles if you’re struggling with them for too long

But he always asks to know if you want the answer

He doesn’t need you pouting and upset just because you couldn’t figure out how to do something relatively simple

Warns the twins not to scare you for a while

For their own safety tbh

You have a gun and you WILL use it

He’d also like watching you play Animal Crossing

You can and will bully him into joining

Will catch the scary or difficult bugs for you if you’re struggling

Doesn’t need to look up any guides to find the real artworks

The very second he can get his hands on the cat cap, it’s going to you

Might ask what color you want, but he’s more likely to pick it for you so its a surprise

Wraps it up too

“Sweetie, I got you a gift.” “Awe, really?.... Really, Sylus?” “Put it on, kitten.”

Luke and Kieran have their own town

It’s extremely flushed out and scary how impressive it is

Runs turnips with them so you have nearly a billion Bells to spend on anything you want

He lets you design his house, even if you make it silly

-

Rafayel:

Tell me why my first thought was Pokemon Art Academy

He would love it tho

Sitting on the couch together, watching over your shoulder as you follow the tutorials to draw the Pokemon

They turn out like shit but he claims to love them

Passing it over to him is a bad idea, but he won’t stop whining until you do

Creates an entire masterpiece

That creature is in a damn candid shot, shaded and everything

You should have known it was a terrible idea to show him the game

When he doesn’t feel like painting or just needs a break for his mind, he’ll play it

Honestly I see him at one of his own exhibitions, standing in the corner and playing it

Thomas complains to you about it all the time

Rafayel texts you about how much the Pokemon miss you and want you to come over :’(((

Beats the game

Somehow

Not just the lessons either, literally every single drawing they give you to do, he does it

When you look at the gallery, you can see when you stopped playing and when he took over

He’d also love Little Inferno

Sings the jingle all the time until you’re threatening him to shut up

Doesn’t honestly understand the appeal at first

He can literally make and control fire, why can’t you just give him some stuff to burn and he’ll do it for you

But he slowly gets the appeal

Especially when the batteries explode

Hates the pooping cat plushie with a passion

“If that thing ever shows up in a claw machine, we are NOT getting it.”

He either fully completes the game, combos and all, or he gets to the second catalog and gets bored, no in between

Will happily watch you play tho

Loves the way you focus on trying to decipher the clues for the combos

No shame, WILL be looking up the combinations and WILL spoil them for you just to bug you

May plan a date around throwing shit into a fireplace and watching it burn in real life

There’s a fire extinguisher nearby, just in case

---

Tag List:

@the-golden-jhope @huen1ngk41 @armycaratlover @sylusfluffymeow @cheesemachine44

[hotcat37]

I loved your list of recommended bojere fics! Maybe a part two of your personal favorites?

Thanks sm for the support anon!! It's tough to pick favorites when there's so many amazing Bojere fics out there but here are a few ones that rlly stayed with me!!

by @puppetmasteronastring !! The follow-up parts to this fic are also excellent as well but ngl the original hits different. Jere and Bojan (+some friends) spend midsummer together and the tension between them finally breaks 👀 Their relationship is so tender in this and even tho they don't officially get together in this one you can just tell they were made for each other <3

by anon!! Some sub/dom with Bojere where Bojan is rlly into the idea of Jere talking Finnish during sex but Jere thinks it's cringe haha The concept itself is humorous but it's so well written and it's rlly sweet to read about Bojan and Jere communicating in regards to their sex life and making sure the other is comfortable 💖

by @mitochondriencocktail !! Absolutely iconic fic. It starts out as a sexy hockey AU but it quickly escalated into a genuinely investing story about Bojan and Jere struggling with their deep feelings for each other. Their dynamic is so fun and interesting in this and the chapter where they sit in McDonald's together and talk for the second time rlly lives in my mind rent free😔💖💖 My only criticism is that we missed out on Jere in a skirt 😤 (but we did get Bojan in it 😏)

by maevenn !! Born From Seafoam hits different. Bojere meet on vacation in a very cringe but hilarious way. Jere is so endearing in this and i love how Bojan just goes along with his shenanigans <3 It's rlly quick paced but it perfectly captures that holiday excitement and how quickly things can escalate between two strangers that immediately hit it off. The descriptions of summer and the environments and Bojan's feelings for Jere are just incredible and I really am hoping it'll get finished some day :")💕

by anon !! This was one of the first Bojere fics I ever read so it's very nostalgic to me. Jere accidentally implies he and Bojan are together during an interview, cue the fake relationship trope 🙏 It started off rlly humorous but then it became more and more emotional as they start to develop real feelings for each other and the angst is fantastic!! This one is also unfinished but it doesn't end on a cliffhanger or anything so it definitely doesn't take away from the experience

by anon!! Bojan comforts an upset Jere after the finals.... It does include voyeurism (by Loreen of all ppl lol) which isn't really my thing but it was so well written and tenderhorny that it didn't bother me reading it :) The smut is great and so is the dialogue (+I just love possessive Bojan in fics lol)

by Don't _forget_peanuts !! Felt nostalgic for some more ESC era Bojere.... The tension between Bojan and Jere reaches a boiling point backstage once the finals are over 👀 Bojan's inner dialogue is so fcking funny and the build-up to the smut and the actual smut itself is just....phew 😋 Bro wanted that Käärijussy

by anon.... Sorry I just had to mention this fic. The massive impact (✈) this had on the fandom needs to be recognized. Quotable lines, heart shattering angst...the author being a fcking menace lmao You have not reached the depths of the Kä iceberg yet if you haven't read this fic

[mamamittens]

Guestimating the overall length of the Moby Dick would be easier if the very anatomy of the ship didn't change every time we see it istg.

Bad math and more than the required assumptions to make an ass out of you, me, and everyone in the Blues combined.

See this very clear picture that implies we could possibly determine the size of this specific section my rough estimate based off of Whitebeard's height (divided down for his thighs assuming the seat is made to seat him comfortably sitting up, which means roughly the length of his thighs)? I'd be willing to assume it's about the length of the boxes along the side for ease of measurement. Also, side note, horrible stairs for everyone, they're not even for Whitebeard's feet and RIP everyone else's stride on these damn things.

A fucking safety hazard is what it is.

Anyway! Assuming quite a lot, we could theoretically measure out this one section as between the rigging for two masts, which is great! Fantastic! How many are there again?

4? Are we counting the one on the very back? No? Cool, let's just say 3. The ship is (roughly) divided into 4 parts. So, where's the even rigging section...

Not in this one? The railing isn't flat between two rigging sections on an even level. Okay, maybe another one?

Aha! It's here (apparently)! Odd... Big change for a ship... I'm a bit concerned ngl. Especially since that earlier scene is closer to the (unfortunate) destruction of the ship. There's no way they changed a whole ass mast/rigging/railing set up in a few months. They coated it between them and Marineford but I imagine restructuring the the vessel like that would take a lot longer and would be very ill advised all around.

Not to mention the whole ship is different, right down to the coloring. The first one is clearly newer...

Anyway! 6 green boxes (6 Whitebeard thighs, assuming that's 1/4 his height of 666 cm... 166.5 cm or 5 feet 5 inches... Sounds really short... Ah, his ass, right. Forgot to add his ass... Let's round it up to 6 feet to make it even!) So that's... 36 feet for 1/4 of the ship! Assuming our rough as hell math is correct that's 144 feet long of ship!

... 144 feet long? Only that much???

That... That can't be right.

That's like, a yacht?!

The Titanic was 882 feet and 9 inches. Six Moby Dicks is equivalent to one Titanic!

And that ship had a max capacity of 3,547 normal ass sized humans. Not over a thousand, incredibly varied but generally quite tall humans/fishmen/whatever else. With modern amenities taking up space but also making it more efficient, you'd think the Moby Dick would need to be at least a third of the size, maybe two thirds to accommodate Whitebeard alone traveling hither and yon on his own damn ship without compromising the ship's weight distribution or general stability.

This ship is meant to be massive but two and a half count fit across a football field, whale nose to whale ass!

I know I'm bad at math but Jesus that's bad lmao, adjusting the green boxes to 8 would just make the ship 192 feet long. Which isn't much better if I'm being honest.

What a fucking nightmare lol, here's to hoping someone better at maths and nautical knowledge one day finds a better answer than mine.

[a-kaash-me-outside]

okay Tori, im giving you a LONG feedback for this B2B update coz y'know, you deserve it ♡

NOT FAIR LAST CHAP IS INSANE

and UGH idk how to put it in words just to describe it. the first part (the walk back to Kei's house) has kept me so conflicted like I can feel the uneasiness like how it was depicted. 👏 the confidence on the last chap was eased perfectly in this chap as Kei turned the tables, it was amazing. he was idk more forceful, more condescending, just to let reader feel that he was in control again and it has to be that way, and she was comfortable in that. "God you could barely handle a few hours of what I have to do for you every single day." YES KEI, YES!! DOMINATE ME! "I want you to watch me fuck you." IM ROLLING ON THE BED OMG and more, omg in the line as Kei continued. the whole scene was fantastic Tori. i mean, where'd you get these hot ideas and scenes?? And Kei reading reader like a book, knowing she likes it like that OMG THE SMIRK OF THAT HOT FCK okay im gonna stop okay wait no Kei pressing reader's back to his chest while fcking was so HOT i had to read it again to satisfy myself of that scene until okay i've read enough. aaahhh, the way the aftercare and confession about how she feels took place, HEARTS EVERYWHERE. and the FUCK the gentle sex after the very rough sex was amazing it melted me!! "you know I'll do anything for you right?" uhhhh my hearttttt. it took me back to the first chap where the reader begged for Kei to fuck her and make her cum. she was in control the whole time, we we're so lost in Kei dominating butー HANDS DOWN TORI!! and i wanna add..... HOW ABOUT TADASHI? i mean, no epilogue? like he got back on his own feet and took Kei's lessons into practice with any other girls. HAHAHA it'll be hilarious, it's already hilarious to imagine. "Thanks, Kei. I owe this to you and to my ex." LMAO.

TWRT Maki backstory is comforting and disturbing for some reason

can i include myself with those Maki bitches? because honestly, I AM. Sorry 'Tsumu, but my heart's 60% Maki.

so, I was expecting it will be a Maki POV kind of thing but this also works pretty well too. Hanamaki, my love, is so over-the-top loverboy that every girl deserves. Oh praises everywhere and out I'm inlove with him, he'll never fail to make you feel comfortable. maybe because the relationship foundation has enough stability that it did work out to evolve into a gf-bf relationship. i really love platonic love because you can never be wrong with it, even if it evolves to something like that so casually. and it was amazing Tori, it broke me maybe too much more if I didn't know they'll break up eventually. Reader handled it perfectly HANDS DOWN that scene when Maki asked her to put a label on her: girlfriend. LMAO the rebound thing with Iwa was hilarious!!! The read was too relaxing AND NGL, i was expecting a hard break up but like the casual evolution of their relationship, it broke up cleanly too like: WTF WHY YOU TEACHING ME THAT THERE IS SOMETHING LIKE THIS THAT COULD HAPPEN IM NOT ACCUSTOMED BY THIS, IS LOVE LIKE THIS, THERE'S REALLY A LOVE LIKE THIS!? like that. TBH, i really feel uncomfortable because I really wanted him to end up with reader and I can't think of how pain will reside in him when Atsumu gets the one thing that is very precious to him. Maybe it'll break me if I'll read the Maki alternate ending. omg, I'm shaking 🥺 I wish mine broke cleanly like this. and I know, after this, Maki will never move on from herーor not, what do you think Tori? Is he gonna move on from her? but dont spoil LOL I wanna excite myself!! Oh the heartbreak my God.

THANK YOU TORI, THANKS FOR THIS. IM WAITING FOR THE NEXT WAKING DAY TO HAVE THE B2B ENDINGS. I LOVE YOU! ♡

this is me right now contemplating what to feel.

PAH OMG OMG. thank you so much for these in-depth thoughts i love them omg omgogmogmgmo. hehehehe. i love love love the last chapter of not fair! i think it refocused on reader and tsukishima rather than tadashi which was the VIBE and just focuses on the love between them and how their relationship has evolved. <3 (also, i come up with these scenes because i am a horny bitch that's it)

AND AH YEA. the whole point of posting the maki chapter was in PREP for tonight where i hope everyone loves the last chapter and ALSO the maki chapter hahahahaha.

[carmenized-onions]

hi! this isn't related to chicago's kindest (which is amazing btw, can't wait to read ch. 6) but i saw that you're in film/tv and i'm wondering how that's going for you!! i've always been passionate about film but i'm not currently pursuing it in school, so i wanted to know what you're currently doing with that (if you're comfortable sharing) or if you can give any insight to people looking into going to school for that industry!!

Oh my lovely lovely summer child.

I'm gonna tell you a bunch of shit. And you're gonna do me a favour, you're gonna listen to none of it. You're going to completely ignore any advice anyone gives you, and you're gonna do what the fuck YOU wanna do. Not everything has panned out perfect for me, but I will never ever ever regret pursuing film, and I have every intention of coming back to it on an actual career stand point.

Right now, I'm not in film or tv (career wise. I stay fuckin' writing my scripts tho, it's vv important to do that on the side). Alas. Such is life. I do admin. Cute lil' desk job. I like it. The people are nice, as are the hours, as is the idea of consistent cash flow.

Film for a lot of people is either gig based or teetering on being laid off if you've got a permanent position or a union job that, if you're being honest with yourself, you are scared it's gonna become dead end. That's right out of school, at least. That's probably gonna be like, the first 5-10 years. I'm only on year 2. It's fucking hell. It goes by slow and you feel like everyone is succeeding more than you. I want you to know, they're not. You're not falling behind-- My mentor, a prolific director/writer (like worked with Netflix and shit) said so, so it's not just me saying so.

We're amid strikes and union busting and revolutions-- It's so complicated, rn. And honestly, I got my degree in the pandemic-- The entire industry is absolutely still feeling the effects of that. I'd also add here, while I think my information is vague enough to go for all of North America-- I am Canadian. So if you live in a major U.S city like Chicagooooo or New York or Los Angeles-- You're going to have a radically different experience than I am in Toronto.

If you feel comfy DMing me, we can chat more about your interests! I love film, I love to write-- I love to direct. That's what I did in school, and I'll be damned if I don't do that shit again. But those things do take time to be allowed to do professionally.

The best advice I can give you: When you're in school-- Socialize. Do your best on student films, because if you beef it it goes around FAST. I had a fantastic reputation in Film College ngl, and it served me extremely well. Keep up your connections.

Get a good consistent job that gives you a schedule you can work with, then work on your own film shit on the side. Get weird. Stay learning. I'm gonna start going to local improv because that's what all the writer's i've known do. And they have careers now. So. Yknow.

Things I wish I did different:

I fucking hate applying to festivals, but you have to do it, i'm so sorry.

Every. Summer. Apply for an internship. Any internship. Any film internship, rather.

You will be okay if you study a little bit less and spend time with your peers a little bit more. That didn't neccessarily impact where I am now-- But it's just something that looking back i'm like... I didn't need to take these notes... I shoulda went to that party my friends begged me to join.

And if you want bluntness? My classmates who took production management/producer courses? They're all the ones with consistent film jobs now. But like. Again. Do what the fuck YOU want. Don't follow the money, it won't end up feeding you.

This was a lot, but again, feel free to DM me if you want even more deranged ramblings. I'm happy to go into more personal detail-- It's honestly vv important that you go to a film school that's actually fuckin' WORTH SOMETHING-- Because a lot of them are snake oil. I love/hate my College tho. Love them because I learned more than I would anywhere else. Hate them because that was psychological torture everyday I think I had a panic attack like 3 times a week.

LOVE YOU HOPE THIS WAS USEFUL GOOD LUCK BABY!!!

[side-writes-fanfics]

Late-night talks || One-shot

Pairing: Ryomen Sukuna x fem!reader

Word count: ≈2000

Genre: it was supposed to be angst but it's really just fluff

Tw: Sukuna is kinda ooc, ngl

Summary: usually, you'd talk to Yuuji during the nights you felt restless but today, it was very much different. One night started a habit that definitely shouldn't have started.

Feel free to leave a or two or more request in my asks!

Masterpost | Asks/Requests

ꕥ ꕥ ꕥ

(Y/N) walked down the long dormitory halls, her insomniac brain refused to allow her to rest after the hard day she’d had. On one hand, it was fantastic, filled with thrill and learning opportunities! On the other, however, the girl had gone through so much intense training and failure that she wanted nothing more than a good night's sleep. And yet, the thoughts in her head flew and a high speed and there was no way in hell that they would stop any time soon. So, as any sane person would do, instead of reading a book or being productive and taking the time to practise some techniques that wouldn’t blow the entire room up, (Y/N) decided to knock on Itadori’s room door and mess his sleep up as well.

Her hands made contact with the wood once. Then quickly twice. Then three times before the door opened to reveal the figure she had been anticipating. Only something seemed a little off. While she wasn’t thinking Itadori would be wearing a shirt as it is the middle of the damn night, the markings on his entire body suggested that it wasn’t Itadori who stood in front of her. Rather, Sukuna had taken over his body for the night and wasn’t planning on leaving the boy alone.

“You really want him to be dead tomorrow, huh?” (Y/N) whispered to the curse, chuckling at the thought of Yuuji not being able to hold his eyes open for long enough to get out of bed, let alone all the “fun” activities Gojo said he had planned for us. Now, you might be wondering why the absolute fuck were you not shaking in your boots at that very moment? I mean, you’re talking to the King of Curses, the man himself. This guy could probably snap you in half with one movement if he wanted to. Well, for one, you had no boots to shake in as you were walking in the stupidest pair of slippers money could buy. Secondly, Sukuna was well aware that if he hurt you, or any of the students of Jujutsu High for that matter, his life would be cut much shorter by the president of the school without any hesitation. Even Gojo couldn’t do anything about it because he cared for you just as much as Itadori. He cared for all of the students the same, no matter how much others thought Yuuji was the only one who got his love. (Y/N), of course, knew this and took advantage of it as much as she could, without pushing the limits and getting herself into danger.

“You’re the one talking, pipsqueak,” Sukuna said, shooting the girl an unamused glare. ���Coming in the middle of the night to wake up this brat isn’t much better than what I’m doing.” (Y/N) rolled her eyes, walking past the curse and into Itadori’s room. Sukuna stared at her confused but before he could continue further, (Y/N) cut him off.

“Get in the room and close the door. If Gojo catches me out of my room at this ungodly hour of the night, I’m gonna be dead and if you get caught with me, it isn’t going to be taken lightly by the higher-ups.” The girl made her way over to the bed, making herself comfortable while Sukuna listened to her orders, even though he didn’t want to.

“That sounds like you’re the one who causes all the trouble here and not me.”

(Y/N) smirked, letting out a little chuckle. “And yet, I don’t care about that much.” She propped herself up, now in a sitting position. Sukuna rolled his eyes at her, sitting on the opposite side of the bed.

The two stared at each other in silence. What were you even expecting? Neither of them was used to being in each other’s presence. They barely interacted due to reasons outside of their control. (Y/N) went on missions a lot, barely spending any time in the presence of Itadori. When she did have time to hang out, Sukuna never actually spoke or came out and showed his presence. Sukuna didn’t want to talk because he did enjoy the company and anything he wanted to say at first would have just made her leave. (Y/N) didn’t want to speak up because of her poor social skills. Everything she knew about socialisation, which wasn’t that much, had been thrown out the window by the lack of contact she had with other people. To be frank, even if they sat in silence (Y/N) would have sat there until the moment she was tired. It was better than being alone in her room staring at the ceiling.

“Why’d you even come here in the middle of the night?” Sukuna spoke up, not wanting to leave the room silent. Unlike (Y/N), he hated the silence. He could not take it. When the curse was on his own, whether it be in the form of Itadori or inside of his domain, Sukuna didn’t mind it. He was left alone to his own devices and was able to do as he pleased, but being around another person in complete silence drove him crazy.

“Uh… I couldn’t sleep.” her body positioned herself in a sitting fetal position, resting her head on the top of her knees. “Yuuji lets me come to his room when that happens and we just chat about random things until I feel tired.” Both of them stared at each other, waiting for who was going to speak next. It was hard to keep the conversation going as of now, both of the participants carefully thought about their words as to not upset the other. Still, (Y/N) said something to fill the silence: “What about you? Why are you in control of Yuuji’s body?”

“I felt like it.”

(Y/N) blinked at him, not believing her ears. “That’s… that’s it?” she said in disbelief.

“Are you not satisfied with that answer, pipsqueak?” The man crossed his arms and lifted a brow. The girl crossed her arms as well, pushing her back against the wall behind her. She contemplated once more all the choices she could make at this moment, though, to an outside view, (Y/N) looked as if she was scared to say anything at all. Sukuna’s chuckle broke her out of her contemplative daze. “It’s boring inside of where I am for days upon days upon days. Sometimes I need to feel alive, even if it’s just switching with this brat and walking around his room.”

The girl let out a ‘hm’ sound, nodding to indicate she understood his reasons. Slowly, the two began having normal...ish conversations without the awkward pauses between topic and sentences. They began to slow as if they’ve been long term friends with natural progression. And as all natural progression goes, this became a regular thing. (Y/N) couldn’t sleep more often, Sukuna wanted to walk around the world more often, them talking happened more often. Though, these little meetings in the middle of the night that consisted of senseless trains of thought being put into words stayed secret between just the two of them. Not even Itadori knew that (Y/N) snuck into his room as often as she did. Yuuji knew and welcomed her coming to his room to speak to him when she needed company. There were times where she snuck in and Itadori was in his own body. The girl hated to admit it but she felt sad when she couldn’t speak to the curse inside his body. Indeed, she should have felt ashamed but something just didn’t let her. (Y/N) liked Sukuna’s company. Even with the… talks about not so good things he’s done that were bound to come up at some points in time.

There came a day where (Y/N) realised it. Realised that she, as a jujutsu sorcerer, shouldn’t feel the way she feels about him. He's done so much wrong. Why does it not bother her that much? She stared at the ceiling. Her thoughts haunted her throughout the day, not letting a moment pass without her thinking about it. It was obvious she wasn’t going to sleep tonight. Leaving to go talk to the curse, however, seemed to be a tiny bit paradoxical. Her worries were caused by him. She didn’t want to end the friendship they had built. Then again, was this really for the best? Were the talks really a smart idea? Was continuing to see him and forming an emotional bond going to bring anything but pain and sorrow?

Knock, knock, knock.

‘Who could be knocking on her door at 3 in the bloody morning?’ the girl thought to herself, getting up to answer the door. As soon as she opened it, she mentally slapped herself for being stupid. I mean who else could have it been other than the curse himself.

“I see you’re awake,” he said, “though, you decided not to come and talk to me.” A brow lifted on (Y/N)’s face.

“And you decided to come to me instead, huh?” she smirked at the man, moving to give him space to enter the room. “Have you started caring about me? Have you softened up to little old me?” she poked and teased him, trying to forget what she’d been thinking about moments before. Sukuna entered, only to stop in the middle of the room.

“I need to talk to you about something…” her heart stopped. ‘Shit shit shit and shit.’ her thoughts became quicker and her heart raced as if it were running a marathon she was not ready for. Why would she have said what she said? Was it that she got too comfortable around him. “What you said… about me caring about you…” he paused, trying to find the words to say. (Y/N) looked at him turned away from her, anticipating his next words. “It’s true… I am softer towards you than anyone else. In these past two months you... You’ve made your way to my heart. You make me feel. You make me feel,” he said quietly, fiercely, making (Y/N)’s heart skip a beat or two. He turned towards her, his face more serious than you’d want it to be in this moment. “and I don’t like it. I want it to stop. Now.”

(Y/N) blinked. Absolutely taken aback at his words. “I’m sorry, what?” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He confessed that he cared about her. That she made him feel a certain way. And yet somehow he’s rejecting her? Nothing makes sense. She didn’t even confess to him and she feels hurt. “I… don’t-”

“Why do I feel like this?” Sukuna cut her off and stared at her, hoping she would solve the problem with a few simple words.

“I- I don’t know why you feel like you do!” she squeaked out, still unsure what was happening, “I mean I don’t even know how you feel.”

“I don’t know either.” (Y/N) paused, lifting her hand towards his. Her eyes flicked towards his, silently asking permission to hold his hand. He squinted at her. For a man who claims to be a genius and has years and years of life experience, his social skills seemed to be lacking when we’re talking about kindness. The girl kept quiet, putting her hand closer. It gently touched his, sending a clearer message of what it was she wanted. Sukuna let out a slight ‘oh’, before embracing her hand into his. Her heart skipped a beat again. She cursed herself silently, understanding that she was feeling the same way as he was.

“What are we going to do, pipsqueak?” Sukuna asked her, confused out of his mind. It was rare that anyone saw him as bewildered as he was right now.

“We’ll… figure it out I guess…” a smile tugged at (Y/N)’s lips. It was terrifying, there’s a lot in their way and a lot of things they have to set straight, but for now, this seemed to be the most they could do.

ꕥ ꕥ ꕥ

[drivingsideways]

Into the Ring/Review

If I had one word for Into the Ring: delightful.

I didn’t know anything about the show or have too many expectations when I started watching the series- it was a random pick based on a vague impression that some folks on my tumblr dash liked it, but it had me hooked from the first minute. While watching, I was often struck by how easily its combination of  quirky, screwball comedy and very heartfelt, politically aware storytelling could fall flat on its face, but miraculously doesn’t.  That’s largely because Nana’s uninhibited performance as Goo Se Ra is infectious in its joy;  her comedic timing is spectacular, and I think she made the most of a script that loved her character a lot. 

It’s also one of the few dramas where I found myself (a) believing in the romance and (b) rooting for the couple. Park Sung Hoon underplays the quiet, stubborn and prickly Seo Gong-myeong to just the right degree that his character compliments Goo Se-ra without being buried by her effervescence. These are two people who have different approaches to life, and opposing personalities,  but have a strong sense of morality and interest in making a difference- and it’s lovely to watch them find companionship in each other at just the right time, and embark on a journey together. That line about love being friendship set on fire seems particularly apt for them. I could have done without that childhood friends-meet-as-adults trope, but in the end they utilize that in a way that it’s less about “fated romance”, and more about explaining how these two characters become the adult versions of themselves. 

The two actors have fantastic chemistry with each other. They’re physically comfortable with each other in ways that I don’t often see in kdrama romances- and I don’t mean just their sizzling, and very authentic looking kisses, it’s also that when their eyes meet in a shared joke, you can see that they both absolutely do find it giggle-fit funny, and when they put their arms around each other, it’s with a comfortable familiarity that feels very genuine. I love that Se-ra is confident in her sexuality- none of the simpering or startled deer-in-headlights moments for her-- those are all for him (lol!)--but I also love that they do that in the gentlest and sweetest way possible, without making it either weirdly desexualized or patronizing (which is unfortunately the impression I end up getting in most kdrama romance “scenes”) 

The show also takes care to make the tapestry of their lives as rich as possible. This is generally something I’ve come to expect from kdramas, so I was glad not to be disappointed here. I was especially thrilled to have some great female characters (and their actors) in the supporting cast- especially Yoo Da In as councilwoman and canny politician Yoon Hee-soo. I’ve seen some people refer to her as “second female lead”, which feels a bit dismissive, and not really how that character is written. She’s one of the most interesting characters in the show, and ngl I would watch the spin off about how Yoon Hee-soo gets herself elected to the National Assembly and then becomes PM or something. I love that her ambition and her moral choices are allowed to be questioned without demeaning her in any way. (*cough * stop KES dramas *cough *) ; I love that she gets to be clever, and funny, a bit of a troll, and sad and annoyed, and disappointed, but unbowed. What a great writing choice to make her a foil to Goo Se-ra’s blunt hammer approach to any problem. I am so hoping that if we get a second season of this show, it’ll build on their relationship- there’s so much to mine there. 

One of my favourite parts of this show is truly how it makes space for its female characters: from Goo Se-ra’s irrepressible mom, to her besties squad, to her rivals, to the antagonists, and the people she helps--and even the two ahjummas that she tries to scam into giving her information while playing detective. I also loved, loved, loved to bits that a running theme in this show is putting political power- actual political power- in the hands of women. Sure, it’s a feel-good show, but it’s a show that allows  both the scheming District Chief Won So-Jung and the idealistic independent candidate Son Eun-Shil, whose incredible choice of voluntarily stepping away from hard-won chance at fulfilling a personal ambition sets Goo Se-ra on her own journey navigating the corridors of power . And when Goo Se-ra returns that torch back to her in the end of the series- that feels earned and correct. Se-ra has a lot to learn and maybe needs some time to figure out if this is what she wants to do, but Son Eun-Shil deserves her own chance. 

In general, I thought the show was really clever about its political/ social messaging. It’s wrapped in a lot of goofy shenanigans, and I can see how people may feel it’s not “realistic” unlike for eg, Stranger or Life or the other highly rated dramas that deal with systems of power, but I think, at its core, it treats political apathy or a nihilistic helplessness, so fashionable in certain kinds of storytelling, as the enemy - and it does that with wry humour and a great deal of charm. 

Tl;dr: WATCH IT! 

[itsclydebitches]

ngl voyager gets a whole lot of very disproportional hate from the fandom and i'd hazard a guess that a lot of that is just garden-variety misogyny (and probably racism mixed in, considering how many of the most prominent characters are women, poc, or both). like, is voyager perfect? absolutely not. and no spoilers but there was a lot of executive meddling that wound up leading to the finale/conclusion being lacking and there's a lot of reasonable dissatisfaction with that--but again that was largely thanks to the execs fucking the show over and i recommend looking into that if you can once you've finished the show. but overall? voyager is trek right to its very core--it has heart, it's about family, and it never loses sight of that imo, even if some episodes are weaker or just duds (but, like, would it be a trek series without some episodes that just kinda suck but are still fun to watch???)

anyway, i absolutely love that you're getting into voyager, it is my all-time favorite trek series to this day for a lot of reasons, and i hope that ppl like that anon dont put you off bc i'd love to continue to see your thoughts as you watch the series!

Oh, it would take a whole lot more than some anons being salty that others enjoy things to turn me off :D 

Thus far (I lost internet last night so I’m still only on Episode 7 of Season 2), Voyager is the Trekiest Trek I’ve watched. Which is a weird sentence, but I mean it in the way you said it’s “trek right to its very core.” What is Star Trek, if we strip the intent of the story down to its basics? It’s about exploration, discovery, that “wagon train to the stars,” wrapped up in the argument that life is fundamentally good. We have problems, but we can work past them. We have differences, but they strengthen us. Diversity is the lifeblood of the universe and the future will continue to improve so long as we embrace that. 

Voyager is (again, from what I’ve seen so far!) basically a love song to that premise. I didn’t do too deep a dive because I’m trying to avoid spoilers, but I did look at a couple threads discussing why Voyager is so hated. Again and again I saw the same reason pop up: wasted potential. Now, a lot of fans left it at that (as if the answer to what potential Voyager apparently missed out on is self-evident. It’s not), but those who did expand on the idea consistently claimed that the show needed to be darker than it was, even if they rarely said it like that. Why aren’t the Federation and the Marquis at each other’s throats? Why isn’t the crew going crazy under these circumstances? Why aren’t characters getting killed off left and right in hostile space? “Anything could have happened out there and they played it safe!” but the “anything” here is always... awful. There’s this very pervasive idea that the world is inherently cruel, people are inherently divisive, that when pushed to the brink everything will fall apart... and that (while making for one kind of great story) is very much not Star Trek. 

See, Voyager created an unimaginable scenario--lost in space, 75 years from home, forced to live indefinitely with strangers--and their answer to the question of “What happens?” is “People make it work.” They learn to respect one another, they uphold their ideals, they maintain a love of life and discovery, and they create a family. And that’s fucking fantastic. That’s Star Trek! I’m not going to pretend there aren’t problems with the show, with plenty more to come, I’m sure, but I don’t think this is one of them. Why do so many viewers think that hatred, horror, death, and growing jaded is the only potential here? Why would they expect that in a Star Trek show whose premise is the very antithesis of those things? 

“But they don’t do enough with those things, even if they have happy outcomes.” They do plenty, they just do it in an episodic rather than serialized nature. I can point to multiple episodes where the replicator rations or Maquis differences are driving the characters’ actions. “But without that horror there’s no conflict.” There’s plenty of conflict. Hostile aliens aside, I just watched an episode where Tuvok and Chakotay are pissed as hell at one another because they fundamentally disagree over how to handle problems, but--because they’re adults with a well-tested respect for one another--they apologize and work through it. “But the characters don’t develop at all.” You mean they don’t grow harder. That’s not the same thing as no development. Tuvok is figuring out how to be more flexible, Chakotay is becoming more willing to accept cultures he doesn’t agree with, Harry is growing more confident now that he’s far from home, the Doctor is learning to see himself as a person, Paris is grabbing his second chance with both hands by making strong ties, and Janeway is learning to command and care for her crew simultaneously. I honestly believe that a lot of people think of “character development” as the character becoming a fundamentally different person, unrecognizable from where they started out. But  characters can also grow into the people they wanted to be in the first place. “We’re far from home, in hostile territory, tempted to do horrific things to survive... but no. Right now at least, we’re holding onto who we are. We’re scientists, so we’re going to explore and learn. We’re peaceful, so we’re going to make friends with as many species as we can. We’re members of a society that teaches acceptance, so we’re going to form a family on this spaceship.” That’s incredible!! Did fans miss why Seska was an antagonist in the episode she was unmasked? Because she was trying to convince them to give up everything they believe in in the name of survival, an ends justify the means argument. And the crew said no, we will not give up what we believe in just to make it through. I legit saw a ton of fans saying some version of, “I can’t believe they were that far from home and actually followed Starfleet’s rulebook.” It’s because those rules don’t exist for the hell of it. Overlooking their practical function, they’re a philosophy that the characters believe in, and they’re figuring out how important that part of their identity is to them under these circumstances. Am I willing to steal a specie’s technology if it gets us home? Am I willing to die to help another uphold their own philosophy? (Chakotay in “Imitations”). What regulations should we bend or change to accommodate our new situation? The first two things Janeway does are a) giving the guy who just came out of a penal colony a rank and b) deciding that she needs to be more familiar with her crew than is normally encouraged for a captain because she’s essentially their mom now. Developing doesn’t have to mean characters do a 180 on their initial personality, or characters getting killed off when stuff gets “boring” so that others can do edgy things in response. 

Voyager upholds Trek’s premise and runs it to its logical conclusion: 

Voyager has the most literal trek--a trek back home. 

Voyager has the most diverse crew--a woman Captain, Native American First officer, black Vulcan, Asian-American communications officer, and a White Dude pilot that realizes he wants to be soft and kind towards those who took a chance on him because Toxic Masculinity who? 

Voyager has the most literal family--not just a 5+ year mission, but a crew who expects to raise the next generation. They have no choice but to work together, so they indeed come together rather than pulling apart

Except they do, of course, have a choice. In “The 37′s” the crew is allowed to stay on the Earth-like planet with a city of other humans and Janeway is convinced that a sizable number will choose that. After all, they may never get home and this is a safer, kinder future for them. In fact, the real question is whether so many will stay that they can no longer run the ship... but Janeway would never dictate her crew’s choices in that manner. So she swallows her worry down, opens the door... 

... and finds that not a single person decided to stay behind. And the show has ensured we understand that this is not just because they all have some unshakable belief that they’ll get home (many don’t), but because this is their family now. This is home. 

And fans want to toss that out for a generic, gritty, sci-fi adventure where hope is scarce, the universe is cruel, and people need to be pushed to the limit just to admit that they maybe, sort of, like each other?? Obviously like what you like, but that’s a hard pass for me. I’ll take the bridge crew comforting each other in “Twisted,” thanks. Besides, we already have shows like that. And we already have DS9 which grapples with many of those dark, pessimistic themes. Voyager feels like a breath of fresh air, even within the breath of fresh air that is Star Trek as a franchise. It’s a show that says, “Yes, when everything goes wrong people will come together. They will love each other. They will make it through.” 

What’s more Star Trek than that? 

[gangrenados]

May I pretty please with extra cherries on top ask for the full sfw alphabet with Dickiebird? 🥺🥺 But if not (and I totally understand) can I please have A, B and C? Thank you 🌻

So you got me with the cherries ngl. Hope you like it!! 💖

Warning: this is super long so sorry about that 😅

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

He isn't too picky so even a spend a noon with you without running for your life it's a good start.

Dick likes to take out to wander around to city and search for hidden gems, it could be looking out for new restaurants (nothing too fancy) or look out spots. Those dates are always fun.

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He admire how you can look at the bright side even when the situation is too gloomy. Your optimistic way of seeing life has stuck with him in one way or another, giving him hope that maybe nothing is entirely lost.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Dick wouldn't leave your side, too scared that might get worse. If you're sad he's going to let you cry or rant about what's bothering you if you feel like doing it, if not then he's going to hold you until you don't need him anymore.

But if you're having a panic attack Dick is going to do his best to help you calm down. He's gonna point at random things in the place you two are and ask you kindly to name them so you can on another thing, also he will help you to control your respiration.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Dick dosen't really like to think about the future, it scares him. However, he hopes that his future with you would be full of love and peace, just the two of you having a happy life together without fearing for someone coming up to tear apart that happiness.

He sometimes daydream about you and him living a happy life together, married and with a child, maybe two. Yeah, that's his happy little fantasy and he craves to have one day...

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Dick is a man that likes to have control over everything so he dosen't feel like his life is falling apart, he might end up emotionally blackmailing you without noticing which lead to him avoiding you until he finds a way to end with that behavior.

However, that dosen't mean that he will force you to follow his lead, he dosen't want to make you upset or uncomfortable in some way.

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Fights are a thing Dick would like to avoid at all cost, so that's one of the reasons he locks up his emotions/ don't tell you when something is bothering him; in the long run all the hidden emotions will explode.

He's bitter and sometimes even cruel when you're in a big fight, his anger blinds him and make him say pretty nasty things that he will surely regret once he has cooled down.

It would take some time for him to collect himself and go to apologize, first he needs to take away his rage and re think everything before he goes to you and he he apologizes you can clearly see how the guilt, angst and sadness is eating him alive.

And I think he will forgive, but forget (in case you were the one wrong) would take a little bit of time...

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He knows he can be a pain in the ass sometimes and his temperamental issues dosen't really help, but he's glad that you can put him in place and calm him down and he's definitely grateful for that.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

There's a few things that he doesn't want to tell you and will do his best to make sure you won't be able to find out the truth until it's too late. Dick truly believes that keeping you from knowing the truth will make your life easier, he's afraid that you'd get hurt somehow thanks to his erratic life, so this is way of keeping you safe.

It cost him a death near experience to confess you that he was Robin, yeah you're shocked and angry expression had stuck with him since.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Before you came in his life he was a man full of rage; he was angry at world and himself for not being able to define what he really wanted. You didn't changed him overnight and sometimes he's back at his old behaviours when he's too stressed, but you certainly change his way to see life in a way.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Dick dosen't like to call himself a jealous man because he doesn't get jealous over stupid things. Although it's easy to tell when he's jealous since he will keep you closer to him and his gaze will grow colder, ready to tell the other person to fuck off if they dosen't get the hint that you're with him.

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

My boy Dick is a good kisser, he knows how to make you forget about your surroundings with just kiss.

Your first kiss was unexpected and stolen by you during a playful fight, you wanted to distract him and take some advantage. It didn't worked out as you planned since your little kiss transformed into a make out session.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He confessed his love for you by accident, both of you were drunk and having a good time so he just blurted it out with a big grin and kiss. Dick was kind of ashamed for his overly happy behavior, but he was glad that you felt the same way as him.

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Dick wants to get married and all the sweet stuff that comes with it, he has dreamed to have a family of his own for so long and starting it with you would be amazing.

Propose: Dould take you to where your first date was and have a fantastic day together.

He would be nervous, but will try to hide it, remembering the words of encouragement his teammates and family gave him (all of the asked him to not screw it, Rachel made him promise it) so when you noticed his way behavior, Dick told you what was on his mind, how he felt about you and then he proposed to you.

I see him being the kind of husband who is supportive, the one who is always there to bring a hand when you have problems and also kiss you hello or goodbye. Dick would be a good husband, trying his best to have a good marriage and if you have kids, provides them love and healthy way of living.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

Dick dosen't call you by a bunch of nicknames since he finds the majority of them too cheesy. Call him old fashioned, but his favorite ones are: baby, babe, darling when he's feeling cheesy, or even sunshine

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Dick fall in love hard and he would rather pretend that's nothing is going on until the reality slaps him in the face. It dosen't matter how hard he tries to hide those feelings, the others will start to suspect quickly for his dismay.

Dick is gonna be more calm and even flirty around you, doing his best to not fuck up the moment, also his protectiveness over you will multiply.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

It's complicated, Dick dosen't like to be very affectionate with you in front of the team since he wants to keep the leader image, especially for the youngers. So he will settle for having an arm around you and just a simple peck from time to time.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Dick has many skills that have been quite helpful, such as his ability to help you keeping your life if a criminal wants to kill you, and even his detective skills have getting handy in more than once.

But you must say that his acrobatic skills surprisingly are helpful too, it always puts you in a good mode seeing him do flips around the place when he's bored, he even tried to bring the flexibility during sex but if you're not as trained as him then it surely ended up being a unique experience; you had a lot to laugh in the aftercare, that's for sure.

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He's a romantic guy in his own way and it sometimes fall in the cliche kind of romance.

If you two hadn't see each other for too long he's going to settle up a nice and intimate date that will involve wine, candles and takeout since he sucks at cooking. After that it would lead to some fun time if you know what I mean...

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Dick may not see you as much as he would like, but that doesn't mean he won't give you support in whatever you may want to achieve, but he has the tendency to be the voice of reason when your idea seems a little bit too irrational.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Dick needs the thrill to live, he's addicted to it and a routine will bore him quickly.

He would try out some things to make your relationship a little bit more interesting, maybe it would be a new dynamic between you two or something from that sort. However, he wouldn't force you to do the change.

Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Well, he knows a lot about you and it's good at reading you the majority of the time, but this man can be so clueless that it's amazing how much he knows about you, but can pass unnoticed the simplest things.

He tries his best to understand your problems and bring a solution to them or just listen to what you have to say. However, it might be kind of hard for him to fully understand your angriness if your problem is mundane, but he does tries to understand.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Your relationship is something very important for Dick and he wouldn't want to be the one who do something to interfere in it, but his vigilante duty tend to step in and steal some of his time with you alongside his training with the Titans and his job.

Sometimes days can go by and you don't hear nothing about him (he says that he prefers not to call you when things are getting out of hands and he dosen't want you to get in the crossfire) or you'll go to bed alone and wake up in the same way. He hates it, but he feels like he's turning back on the city if he doesn't take the high and lows of the vigilante life.

Wild Card - random fluff headcanon but I did a blurb because he's my husband and I love him

Dick couldn't tell how long it has been since he had arrived to your place tired and covered from head to toe in purple-ish bruises. The week hasn't been kind to him, too many dangers trying to damage the city, but he was glad to be resting on top of you, far away from the battlefield for an instant.

The sound of rain crashing against the window was lulling him to sleep, making his eyelids feel as heavier as lead, but Dick didn't wanted to fall asleep. He wanted to make up for the lost time and enjoy your moment together.

The lingering touch of your fingers brushing against his back was oddly comforting, a reminder that you were here and you both were safe.

You kissed him on his head before he failed at his purpose of staying awake and submitted to the luring calmness of the noon and just fall to sleep with warmth sensation of knowing that he could finally rest.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

This man is a fan of cuddling with you with his head resting on your chest and your arms wrapped around him as you caress his scalp, yeah that's his favorite way to take a well deserved nap.

He can get pretty clingy when you two are alone, he dosen't see you that often thanks to his two jobs so he wants to make up for the lost time with you. So prepare yourself for stolen kisses and quick hugs that he isn't sure how to start.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He will get himself busy somehow, it dosen't matter if that means drowning in paperwork or doing extra training, Dick wants to keep the fact that you're out as long as possible so he wouldn't overthink.

But when there's nothing left to do, he will listen your voicemails again and even re read your over sweet conversations, but please don'tet the others know about this...

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

You have become someone important in Dick's life and therefore he wants to keep you by his side as long as possible, so he's going to try to maintain your relationship.

Dick would search for you, it doesn't matter how far you and the dangers he has to face. He wants to know you're still out there, safe and sound and you can bet he will try his best to protect you.

Tag list: @nervousfandom @la-femme-lupita @c0-77 @jasontoddismyhusband

[taziidcvil]

My Thoughts on RWBY’s new intro and chapter 1

This is going to be long so is there’s someone or something specific you want to read, I’d suggest using ctrl+f

WHITLEY

ngl i just want to start with my boy bc I’m so glad to see him back. Half of this is speculation and theorizing with no real merit ngl, but it’s something I’ve been thinking of for awhile

First of all this is a,,, very uncertain and conflicted look on his face here. He has his arm wrapped around his stomach and he looks very pensive. imo, Whitley’s going to be faced with a choice, one with no easy answer for him. And an answer that

might not bode well for the schnee family

Those clouds are, of course, Salem’s. Which makes me fear that Whitley may fuck up badly, and end up siding himself with the wrong people and it is likely going to be up to Weiss to bring him back.

Whitley isn’t a fighter. and if Whitley does cause the downfall of the Schnee family, he wont be at use for long. And once Whitley outlives his usefulness, there is no reason for her to keep him around.

But there’s a line that has been in my head for the last couple days. Namely Whitley’s line of ‘what could one huntsman do that an army cannot?’

Again, Whitley is no huntsman, but what it boils down to is ‘what can one person do?’ And I think Whitley is going to have to answer that question himself. 

I do think that Whitley is going to have to act at some point. Do something that puts him out for the greater good. I don’t expect him to suddenly join the fight, but I do think he will have his Pacifica moment. Where there’s something that he is physically capable of doing, but emotionally and psychologically it’s a mountain to him. Something only he can do, and Whitley will have to be the one person who changes the outcome of something dreadful. And most likely, i do believe it will involve Weiss

NORA & REN & RENORA (but mostly Nora)

ngl i am STOKED for this divide here

I love renora. it is one of my favourite ships. probably my third favourite i have to admit. 

what I don’t like is how its been going lately. while i do have the initial shipper reaction of ‘YES’ to the kiss, nora forcing it on ren sits wrong with me. Even more so their song last volume. It’s a bop of a song, true, but so much of it is nora telling ren to tell the truth only for her to tell him to love her. and while i’m sure he does love her, nora’s forcing it out of him and assuming is not healthy for either of them. Ren needs to come to terms with his own feelings, and these two need a wedge between them for a moment to develop separate from one another. 

and while i think ren will come to understand and accept how he feels

i think nora might give up on the pursuit and will put their mission above her feelings

But I do absolutely love the focus on Nora and I hope that’s a sign we are getting her backstory this volume. Nora is going to be a major piece in all of this and I personally cannot WAIT

I will say tho that I think her siding with Ruby’s plan is a little,,, strange to me. She was all gungho for protecting mantle last volume and i find it odd that she’s not on team ‘protect mantle first’. i get that she needs to be in that group because of what is shown in the trailer, but personally i would prefer her reluctantly forced into that group because of her usefulness. to keep the devive, that would mean ren would need to side with the ‘protect everyone’ but I don’t think it would have been that hard to spin his mindset that way

I’ve seen some talk about winter maiden nora and, while i personally would have preferred it, giving the power to penny only to give it to nora next volume is a little,,, cheap to me. ignoring the fact that it would likely mean penny would have to die and i am not about that life

i still think penny shooting lightning bolts at nora to power her up would be OP as FUCK tho

CLOVER

NO I AM NOT USING THE ONE SCREENCAP OF CLOVER THIS VOLUME YOU CAN’T MAKE ME

WARNING: Talk about dead bodies. Both fictional and real.

now i won’t lie, i am avoiding that shot like the fucking plague so I’m working mostly from memory here

I have seen bodies hours after someone has passed. Unless the body has something what effects the colour, here’s a greyness to the skin. Yes, this includes all skin colours. there’s also a distinct blue colour to the lips though clover doesn’t,,, exactly have distinctive lips. 

But seeing his body gave me the same nauseous and horrified sensation as seeing a long dead body. Of course not nearly as strong as he’s fictional and it’s animated, but it was the same. that sick greyness I’d expect from a body. ngl that shit,,, i wont say it triggered me, but it got damn close. it brought back memories and left me feeling very sick. It’s obvious he is very dead.

but even with that feeling, that didn’t stop me from being very fucking confused when I realised where the body was.

Now there’s a number of reasons that clover’s body would be there

They could have tried to save him and failed. They’re in a state of emergency and all the doctors are brought to one collective spot to deal with the potential rise of people needing medical attention. Maybe Atlas just works this way who the fuck knows. Most likely, they just wanted the Ace Ops to witness James and having Clover there just makes it easier to do that. but jfc if you’re going to have bodies in the medical area can you not install curtains??

ngl if i was at the hospital and they had a dead body uncovered and in full view of my room i would be 

I didn’t want to go back and see that image again, so i poked around the clover tag to see what people were saying in case i’m dumb and missed something. but i think if they were trying to bring clover back, they’d make it more obvious. and they sure as hell wouldn’t have coloured him that way. but I don’t blame people for being confused about if he’s dead or not when they literally put him in with people getting medical treatment and give him a patient number

but talking about Clover fuck i miss you so much brings me to

THE STAFF OF CREATION (with mentions of ‘that’ theory)

Ozpin: [mentions that using the staff will make Atlas fall]

Joanna: [talks about plans to move mantle citizens into atlas’ crater]

While it is debatable what the staff will be used on, I think we can all agree this bitch is coming down. Personally I think it’s how the volume will end. with the staff used, and atlas dropping. It’s a fantastic cliffhanger but fuck imma be so mad if that’s really where it ends. 

let me,,, get to that theory first. we all know which one i mean.

I’m not going to lie, i haven’t read much into it. mainly because i’d rather not get my hopes up and be pleasantly surprised than get my hopes up and be disappointed. Do i think it’s plausible? Well... after steven universe i think anything is possible. If it has even the slightest merit behind it I wont rule it out.

Do i think it will happen? debatable. i don’t think it was their plan but i also wouldn’t be surprised if they added it after the reaction to clover last year. but i’m not holding my breath. i’m leaning far closer to ‘no’ but i’m open to being wrong Do i want it to happen? god yes i fucking miss him okay i’m sorry i’m selfish i love my dumb fisherman himbo

the problem though is, if it can be done, there needs to be some form of payment. I know there’s been talk about a life for a life, and these are the options that come to mind: James: Don’t like this. James is a character rooted deep in the story and I think trading his life for Clover’s is,,, questionable. idk something about this doesn’t sit right. Especially when he has far more history with qrow than clover did. Tyrian: this feels cheap. trading a villain for a hero? that’s not even a payment, that’s hitting two birds with one stone. I do believe Tyrian wont survive the series, but this way is,,,, very cheap Qrow: pppppppppffffffttttt honestly this would just be a dick move that’s some monkey paw shit right there

either way, reviving clover would drop atlas and put both the people on atlas and under in danger. so the question is, is reviving clover worth it.

ethically, no. it’s not. one life will never outweigh thousands.  but would my selfish ass rather risk thousands of lives for one comfort character? you bet your sweet ass i would. it’s fiction, see if i care. storywise tho, we probably shouldn’t

But there’s nothing in the OP to suggest that Qrow is after the staff. and while it could be left for volume 9, i don’t see this volume lasting without dropping atlas after this volume started with the reminder that’s what would happen.

but ruby is shown reaching for it. (also is it just me or do those look like nuckelavee arms?) which makes me wonder just what she could want it for. Sure, she could be reaching to protect it, and that’s highly possible. but if we’re already talking about bringing characters back, i would not be too surprised if ruby considers the same idea. Namely with summer (though pyrrha is also an option). If she does consider that though, I don’t think she’ll succeed. and I doubt she’d really try if she knows atlas would fall. 

though if she wants to use it to save the world, if there’s something she can make with it that will stop salem, then i might believe she’d risk it. but even then i have a hard time believing she’d risk peoples lives.

but who else could and can get her hands on the staff?

PENNY

our sweet and dear penny, who has already suggested giving herself over to salem. and who is shown divided and framed opposing the team

While her being hacked is an option, and one i think james would consider letting watts do, from a story point I believe it’s far more interesting if penny is the one to decide this for herself.

Penny is a protector. And she wants to protect everyone. And one way she could possibly do that is by cooperating with salem. And with that gd whale having docking stations and a whole damn room inside it, penny going to salem fits with the whole ‘being eaten by a whale’. 

and if penny is the cause of atlas dropping, that girl is going to be dealing with even more guilt than she already has.

JAMES

me: okay, i know james shooting oscar was a big dick move, but james has done so many good things too. imo it’s questionable writing, but james’ stance is understandable. he’s still a good person-

listen. listen. listen. I... i don’t know what the fuck the writers are doing with this one. it would have been just as easy to arrest him but we just... gun happy i see. but james being gun happy makes me very nervous for qrow and that ‘if you were one of my men, i’d have you shot’. qrow’s out for james’ blood, but I don’t think qrow could ever actually kill him. and normally i don’t think james could try and kill qrow, but these are,,, not normal circumstances, and james has a semblance that will absolutely help him pull the trigger

i still love james. and i still understand both sides of the fight. and i still believe james is a good person. there’s so many good things james has done, but fuck if the writers aren’t trying their hardest to make the fandom hate him. and for the most part, it’s working. my gf already hates him lol

when all is said and done, there’s a lot that james is going to feel guilt for, but it’s guilt he’s willing to bare

while i understand the reason behind making james the bad guy, i will admit that i’m bitter about it. namely because in volumes 2 and 3 there were so many people expecting james to be bad, only for him to prove himself as a good person. and now the story is doing its best to take that back

THE ACE OPS

Again, one of the main reasons i think they put clover there and confused the fuck out of people. I think there’s going to be a divide in the ace ops, and i think we see which side people fall on here

harriet and vine are going to be harder to turn, but i think this moment just planted some uncertainty in elm and marrow. I dont think it’ll be an instant thing, but this isn’t something they’re going to forget. this is going to bother them for a good long while. yeah, the writers are trying to turn the fandom on james, but storywise it’s planting the seeds of betrayal and giving the ace ops a reason to switch sides. but i don’t think they’ll come into fruition until the end of the volume

And while we’re talking on betrayal, Winter is edging herself closer too. but while i think she’ll turn faster than the ops, i also think she’ll be the most understanding and caring of james of them all. 

Yang vs Ruby

pitting them together is honestly a good thing for yang’s character. they still love each other. they’d still fight for each other.

they may see things differently, and they may go their own paths, but there’s no animosity. they can work together and have each others backs, even when they don’t agree. 

and that’s something team rwby/ornj and friends and james/aceOPs need to work towards

Yang was never happy with Ruby keeping secrets, and personally i think it’s good for her to voice it and go a path she sees as right

Tyrian (and nuts and volts)

we’ve seen a lot of tyrian’s smiles. he is a very animated person who broadcasts his emotions. in fact, the only time he ever quiets down is in front of salem

this smile is the most ‘you bitch you’re lucky mum is here’ smile ive ever fucking seen on this man grhueiorfubgnjfroe

look, i don’t think tyrian and arthur are romantically involved. but i do think tyrian is fond of arthur. whether that’s romantic or platonic is up for debate, but tyrian has always spoken foldly of arthur. tyrian obviously does not like cinder or her crew, though he does love picking on them while i dont think he has that level of dislike for hazel, hazel is the sort of person to not like unnecessary killing, so i don’t see them getting close. Arthur crafted him his tail, and he organized a plan where tyrian got to murder often. out of the bunch, i think it’s rather obvious arthur is the person closest to him, and I also think he’s absolutely looking forward to seeing arthur again

Emerald/Mercury/Neo

first of all, FUCKING FINALLY! MY KIDS HAVE NEW OUTFITS! now there’s things i like and don’t like about mercury’s. personally, i like his old outfit better, but he NEEDED new clothes so i don’t miss it! Emerald is looking GOOD!! i don’t give a fuck what anyone says, she looking fine as hell

hazel tho, what the FUCK did they do to your hair?? who the fuck did this?? how DARE YOU

that’s all i have to say about hazel bc boy is quiet but WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?? while we talking about new looks, winter is looking FIIIIINE too

Neo is, very obviously, finding this whole situation fucked up. i know a vast majority of us thought Neo would turn on Cinder, but at this point i believe she was content with finding a new reason to live. but the more cinder brushes her aside, and the more she gets to know salem, she’s looking more and more disturbed and annoyed with it all. 

emerald is an obvious turn. with her whole Aladdin tale, i wont be surprised if she takes the lamp from salem and uses the last question. (i’ll admit though that i’m curious what salem’s question(s) is). now i still think neo will want to kill ruby, but i don’t see her staying sided with salem and cinder.  i will say tho that I find it fucking HILARIOUS that salem has no fucking idea who she is. how much of cinder’s plan did salem even know? did she know about roman? did she know about mercury and emerald before they went to pick up her silver eye’d ass? Salem cut Cinder down for ‘acting without salem’s say so’ but how much of that has cinder already been doing before now pffffttt

but mercury’s the only one that isn’t showing that much hint to turning. and personally, that makes sense. Mercury’s been shown plenty of times being disturbed by it all. he’s always stood beside emerald, equally frightened or distrusting. but if salem is calm and mercury’s in no real immediate danger, mercury has always tried to play with the big boys. he has a better poker face than emerald and neo, but he doesn’t belong there nearly as much as he pretends to.

but mr pokerface isn’t perfect. the moment he notices cinder, his attention goes back to emerald, and he watches her. he’s told her before that cinder doesn’t care for them. he’s tried to break that to her, and when they come to face cinder he’s not happy. less so when emerald instantly runs back to her. he knows emerald’s goiing to get hurt, and while he’d like to think he’d be the type to say ‘i told you so’, he’s not going to take pleasure in seeing her hurt

but one think about emerald is that she reminds me a lot of nora. they were both starved and homeless, and were ‘saved’ by someone else. but cinder is no lie ren, and emerald’s gone a very different path. not to mention her ‘saviour’ came much later in her life, and nora is on equal footing with ren and has saved him right back. but nora has been shown to empathise with mantle and its condition. which makes me wonder if emerald will too. she described the attack on vale as ‘sad’. So emerald, how will you feel when you take in the situation in mantle?

CINDER

i’ll be honest, i don’t like cinder. I’m sorry ;n; she just never interested me. she has a nice design, but other than that i just,,, never clicked with her. but i am happy we’re getting a backstory for her. mostly because it’s damn well due, and for her fans. y’all enjoy your food

that is,,, where i’m going to leave it. it’s late and i need to sleep. there’s probably things i missed, and if there is i’ll add to it in the morning. but these are the immediate thoughts that come to mind.

please feel free to discuss. and remember these are just personal opinions and thoughts, many of which probably will lead to nothing. 

[sufferingsoup]

More Pirate AU writing, but feat. ANGST this time around BOIS. She still very soft and kinda sappy tho ngl lol. I can’t help myself. Anyway, hi, it’s me, still obsessed with this AU. Hope you enjoy this! Also it’s unedited bc I’m lazy and barely want to post it as is lmao, so sorry about any mistakes! Check out more of this beautiful awesome amazing fantastic showstopping terrific gorgeous CRISP au @thenerdyalchemist

—————————————————

The Truth

—————————————————

So many months.

It had been so many months since they had stopped sending their letters. So many months of desperate searching anywhere and everywhere. So many months of confusion and anger and sadness. And yet, not a single trace of Tiadrin or Lain had been found.

Runaan had started shutting down a couple months ago. Ethari tried his best to keep him hopeful, he couldn’t bear to see him in such a pitiful state, but the search was seeming increasingly useless every added day that nothing turned up. It truly seemed as though they had simply dropped off the face of the planet, gone for good. But that was hard. Tiadrin and Lain were nothing short of family to them, especially Runaan. They had been inseparable growing up, even through the loss of their adoptive father and Runaan’s sudden succession to the pirate throne. Tiadrin and Lain had stuck by him through everything, and Runaan had stuck by them in return. And that love extended to Ethari as well.

Ethari could still remember the short-lived terror, followed by the massive wave of relief and happiness when Tiadrin dumped the bucket of water on him, revealing his deepest, darkest secret to them. They had been confused and a bit shocked at first, no doubt, but it didn’t take either of them long to start cracking jokes and messing about like normal. Their opinions of Ethari hadn’t changed at all, and they had accepted him fully for what he was.

He could still feel Lain’s comforting touch and hear his relaxing jokes and stories as he gave Ethari all of his necessary tattoos in one sitting. It was a rough day, but they had to get them all done in time for the wedding, and Ethari could think of no better person to give him these markings but Lain. He had a steady hand, a good eye for design, and an overwhelming amount of excitement for his best friends and their big day. He made sure Ethari wasn’t in more pain than was absolutely necessary, and did his best to keep his spirits up and nerves down in light of all the big life changes coming his way.

He could still hear the joyous sobbing as little Rayla was introduced to the world for the first time. Runaan had been clutching Tiadrin’s hand and aggressively encouraging her, just what she needed, and Ethari had been holding a trembling, anxiety-ridden Lain on the other side of the bed, trying to keep him as calm as possible. Lain, Tiadrin, and Ethari all broke down crying the second they saw her. Even Runaan’s eyes glistened with tears he stubbornly fought back, but he too broke down the second Tiadrin gently shoved the baby into his arms. All four of them welcomed a beautiful daughter into their hearts that day, and they all felt closer with each other than ever before.

But they were gone now.

Their big, happy family was torn apart, and nobody had any idea how it happened.

Runaan was taking it particularly hard. They had been siblings to him, and now he was left with their daughter and no explanation for her as to their disappearance. He was shutting himself out from everyone, even Ethari, in a desperate attempt to maintain some kind of control. He would be up all hours of the night, searching through his maps and notes and books in hopes of finding even the tiniest clue. He was exhausted and sad and angry and terrified all at once, but he would not allow Ethari - much less anyone else - to help him. He would snap at the crew over the tiniest of annoyances, and gods forbid any townsfolk get in his way when they were docked; if Runaan hadn’t been intimidating before, he was absolutely terrifying now. He would make mistakes and drops things when he was especially upset, which only made him all the more angry. He had given up taking care of himself almost entirely. His hair was always a frazzled mess, he would forget to eat until Ethari all but forced him to, and the bags under his eyes seemed to be carrying the weight of the world within them.

Ethari sighed heavily, clutching the tiny baby in his arms protectively as he swung lightly in his and Runaan’s hammock. Runaan was holding a meeting of sorts, calling all the pirate captains he could to see if anyone had found anything, and to try to come up with a new plan. Ethari scrunched his eyes shut tightly for a moment, shaking his head before staring back up at the ceiling.

/It’s useless, they aren’t gonna have anything new.../

His heart ached. Of course he wanted to find them, or at least an explanation, but it had been a year. If nothing had turned up before, it was extremely unlikely anything would turn up now. He just wanted Runaan to drop it. The constant searching was worthless, and it was doing nothing good for his physical or mental state. He just wanted to pull Runaan into his arms and hold him while he cried. He just wanted to help him come to terms with the death of their beloved friends. He just wanted Runaan to take little Rayla in his arms and acknowledge her as their new daughter. He needed to move on from this, but he refused to do so.

Ethari dragged a tired hand over his face before looking down at the peacefully resting baby in his arms. She stared back up at him with big, bright, lilac eyes, burbling at him. He offered her a sad smile and offered a finger to her. She grasped it firmly with her tiny hands and examined it quizzically for a moment before shoving it into her mouth. Ethari chuckled softly and allowed her to suckle on the tip of his finger for a moment before taking it away. He mussed up her soft tufts of hair as she watched him.

“Oh, Rayla, what’re we gonna do?” He asked her quietly.

She just stared back at him, enthralled by his deep, soothing voice.

“He’s killing himself over this. I don’t know how to get through to him this time, he won’t listen to me no matter what I say.” He sighed.

She prattled at him in response.

“Yeah? You should talk some of that sense into him.” He replied.

Rayla released a loud squawk and a giggle.

He chuckled and nuzzled their noses together gently, allowing her to tangle her tiny fingers in his ratty white hair and tug as she liked.

“You always know just what to say.” He sighed, smiling sadly as he watched her play with his soft, uneven locks.

The bedroom door slamming open told him Runaan was back. He snapped his gaze towards the entrance as his husband stomped into the room with steam billowing out of his ears. He threw his captain’s hat on the floor and chucked off his cloak. Ethari sighed softly and rolled out of the hammock, approaching him cautiously. Rayla watched Runaan intensely as they drew nearer.

“Nothing?” Ethari asked. Runaan rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Don’t start.” He snapped, heading straight for his desk without sparing him a glance.

“I wasn’t.” Ethari stated, allowing his mild annoyance at Runaan’s dismissal to show on his face. He stared at his husband’s back as he leaned over his desk, “I don’t live and breathe just to hassle you, you know.”

Runaan sighed deeply, his shoulders tensing for a moment before he stood up straight and turned around, staring at the floor.

“Right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t take this out on you.” He admitted, his voice gentler this time.

He walked back up to Ethari and took his waist with one hand, cupping his cheek softly with the other and pressing their foreheads together. Rayla stared up at them quietly from between their chests.

“Nobody has found anything, and...” he cut himself off, his grip on Ethari tightening a bit as his face scrunched up in frustration.

Ethari gave him a gentle kiss, wrapping a comforting hand around the back of his neck. Runaan melted into his touch, but he was still tense. Ethari sighed and pulled back a bit, sliding his hand up to rest along Runaan’s jaw. He tilted his face up towards his own with his palm and fiddled with Runaan’s earrings with his fingers, examining his tired face. Runaan looked back into Ethari’s eyes, his walls up and guarding his emotions, but Ethari was already behind those walls with them. He was sad and angry and deep in denial. Ethari gave Runaan a meaningful peck on the tip of his nose before tangling his hand into Runaan’s messy hair and pulling it out of its bun. It unraveled and fell to its full, glorious length, but it was still quite messy.

“C’mon, let’s get you straightened out. This is no way for the great pirate king to look” he said softly, taking Runaan’s hand and tugging him towards their hammock. Runaan resisted, sighing heavily and trying to shake his hand away.

“No, I’m sorry, I don’t have time. I need to look over-“

“No, you don’t.” Ethari gripped his hand firmly and gave him a stern look that softened after a moment, “You’ve looked over every piece of paper on this ship and all the others’ about a thousand times each now. I can’t even read that well and I could probably recite each one to you.”

“But I /must/ have missed something! I just need to-“

“No, you don’t. My shade, you have poured every second of your life into this, every ounce of your energy, for the past year. There is nothing you could have possibly missed.”

“But-“

“Come.”

“Ethari...”

“Come here.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, having the same silent battle they had had so many times over the past year. Runaan heaved a heavy sigh and looked down.

“Just once more, then you can have me for the night.” He bargained, hoping his usual excuse would work. Ethari stood his ground this time.

“It’s always ‘just once more,’ isn’t it? Then it’s all night and all of the next day and then you’re off on another false lead the next.”

Runaan remained silent, staring at the floor, his hand lifeless in Ethari’s grasp. Ethari stepped towards him again, pushing Rayla gently into his arms. Runaan looked away and tried to step back, but Ethari wouldn’t allow him to run again.

“You haven’t held her in weeks.” He stated.

“I shouldn’t. Not like this.”

“Why? Would you hurt her?”

“No! I would never!”

“Then take her.”

“I can’t.” Runaan hesitated.

“You can. You will.” Ethari insisted.

“I shouldn’t.”

“She is your daughter.”

Runaan stared into Ethari’s serious eyes incredulously. Ethari knew how Runaan felt about becoming Rayla’s father. He loved her with all his heart, and he promised them he would take care of her if anything happened. But he didn’t feel like he deserved it, didn’t think he could be a proper parent. He didn’t want to take Lain or Tiadrin’s place in Rayla’s heart. He didn’t want to accept that this was their new reality. A tiny voice from between them broke their silent argument.

“Wuni!”

They both looked down at the baby in Ethari’s arm. Rayla’s big eyes were set on Runaan’s, and her tiny hands were reaching out towards him desperately. She was squirming insistently, trying to get closer to him. Runaan teared up, his lower lip trembling ever-so-slightly, and Ethari caressed his cheek gently.

“She’s missed you.” He said softly, pushing her closer to him. As soon as she could reach, she grabbed at one of the long, loose locks of bright white hair hanging over his shoulder. “Take her, and let me take you. We all need this.”

Finally, Rayla had won. Runaan took her gently into his arms, nodding hesitantly.

“Okay.” He breathed.

Ethari pulled him into their bedroom, sitting him down in their hammock while he gathered up a brush and some ribbons. He eased himself into the hammock behind Runaan and began to gently work the knots out of his hair. He brushed softly for a long time, Runaan relaxing back into Ethari’s lap as he played quietly with Rayla. He made sure to massage Runaan’s scalp a bit with every stroke, deeply enjoying the feeling of running his hands through his husband’s soft hair for the first time in weeks. He left the piece Rayla had claimed for later, as she seemed to be enjoying styling it herself with her mouth.

“So, what did you all decide?” He asked after a while. Runaan sighed and shook his head. Ethari could feel him tensing up again.

“Nothing. They want me to call it off. Damned cowards.” He spat.

Rayla protested by swinging her fists a bit at his sudden intensity, yanking at his hair. He pulled back a bit, but he was still tense.

“You don’t want to?” Ethari questioned.

“Why on Earth would I do that?”

“Because it’s been a year, and you haven’t found anything.”

“But we could!”

“After a year of nothing?”

Runaan sighed frustratedly.

“Listen, I understand that the chances are low, but we can’t just give up on them!”

“It isn’t giving up if you tried your best.”

“How? We’d be quitting without finding a single thing just because we’re tired.”

“After a full year of looking in every corner of the world trying to find anything and coming up empty handed every time.” Ethari sighed as he laid down the brush and began to weave his hair into a simple braid, leaving Rayla’s piece and a matching one on the other side of his face hanging over Runaan’s shoulders, “You can’t just keep looking for the rest of your life, love. You’re already killing yourself over this, it isn’t healthy.

“Trust me, I know how you feel, my shade. I miss them, too. I want an answer as much as you do. I want to be able to tell Rayla what actually happened to them, better yet to actually see them again. I love them, and you love them, but at some point you have to let this go.”

“But what if they’re still out there, Ethari? What if we’re just overlooking some tiny detail and all it would take is just once more search? How can I just stop when we could find something tomorrow?”

“How do you know you’ll ever find anything? When will it be enough? Do you want your entire life to be dedicated to finding them again?” Ethari questioned.

Runaan stayed silent, looking down at little Rayla and lightly shaking the long, thin finger she was gripping. Ethari tied off the first section of the braid with a dark green ribbon and wrapped his arms tightly around Runaan’s waist, pulling his back flush against his chest. He rested his chin on Runaan’s shoulder and gazed down at the baby in his husband’s strong arms.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but we’re her parents now.” He muttered against Runaan’s ear, “We need to take care of her. We need to be there for her, and you can’t do that if you’re wasting yourself away trying to find them. I don’t want her to lose another parent. I don’t want to raise her alone, Runaan.”

“I don’t want that either.” Runaan whispered, tears welling up in his eyes again as he leaned into Ethari’s touch, both to reassure his husband, and to comfort himself.

“Then don’t make me.” Ethari pleaded.

Runaan laid his head back against Ethari’s strong shoulder, staring up hopelessly at the ceiling.

“Just one last search. Just in case.” He offered half-heartedly. Ethari shook his head softly and pressed a sad kiss to Runaan’s neck.

“You know that won’t be it if you do.”

Runaan released a single, strained sob. Ethari felt the tears dripping onto his shoulder and held him a little tighter, his own eyes threatening to release the floodgates as well. Runaan turned his head towards Ethari’s, burying his face in his neck as Ethari gently rubbed his stomach.

“I know. I don’t like it either.” Ethari sniffed.

“I just want them to come back.” Runaan whimpered.

“I do too.” Ethari sobbed, crying with his husband.

They stayed this way for a long time, crying together in their hammock as Runaan finally saw the truth. Rayla watched them silently for a while, confused.

“Wuni? Dari? Oh no.” She whimpered, eyes pooling with tears. Runaan and Ethari looked down at her and shook their heads in unison.

“No, Rayla, it’s okay! We’re okay, little shadow.” Ethari cooed, wiping away his tears quickly and offering her a sad smile and a reassuring finger, which she happily grasped with one hand after letting go of some of Runaan’s hair. Runaan stroked her cheek softly, holding her a little tighter.

“We’ve got you, Rayla. We’re never leaving you.”

And that was the truth.

[hughiecampbelle]

Molotov Cocktails (Thomas Shelby Oneshot)

Character/s: Thomas

Word Count: 1,108

Inspired By: Cradles by Sub Urban

Tag List: @dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt

A/N: As soon as I heard the song, I got the idea. It's pretty dark ngl and I know I promised writing for a different fandom, but ya gurl has been unhappy, and this makes me happy :) It's not my best writing, but I don't hate it lol and I think that's all I can ask for as a writer. Feedback is always appreciated 💜

~ FIC MASTERLIST PART ONE. / PART TWO. ~

The art hanging by their necks on the walls. The expensive rugs layed to rest. Papers, mail, important documents chewed up and spit out on his great wooden desk. A wonderland of flammability. How beautiful it would be, a light great enough only to be compared to the sun. A fantastic sight. A world wide wonder. Sitting on a grassy estate, closets full of cotton cloth and wool, the drapes long and heavy. There was no better home. So warm, so inviting and welcoming. Fireplaces were constantly lit to keep the grand room warm in the dead of winter, candles cluttered across the dining room table, around the bath tub, to soften the mood, add a touch of sweetness. An accident wouldn't seem out of the ordinary. A tragedy and a warning sign all in one. A red flag engulfed in flames.

You'd decorated it all, from top to bottom. If it were up to him, the bare walls and empty halls would have stayed just as they were. The icy floors would scratch from the bottoms of shoes, paint stained by cigarette smoke, every meal a dinner for one, held in his office every night and every morning. But he had you, and now every meal was for two. You asked for his insight on choices of furniture and decor, but he was a man of so few words, he simply trusted you to make it feel like a home, instead a of a big, lonely house. And you did. Every time he walked through the front door there was a comfort that enveloped him, that pulled him in, leaving the stresses of the day behind.

He used to melt on the couch, his arm around your shoulder, speaking softly of work and worries. For the first time, in a long time, he'd rest easy in the bed you made, the sheets starched, pillows soft. If you were there, closing his eyes was no longer a chore, not in your presence. Now the bed burned away, the couch crackling one seam at a time. Where he used to toss and turn, his hand searching for you, your touch, was so warm, a nest for light, for destruction. Moving to the bedside table, the creaky wooden floors and ash trays he was told to continuously empty, but never got around to it. Down the hall to the bsthroom, the other rooms in which his family would fill. Tiny footsteps and childish giggles running around after one another, pulling on hair and tripping over everything. The upstairs had always been his favorite. There he was allowed to rub the sleep in his eyes, think of nothing but where he wanted to be beside you, how much longer he'd get to rest before facing the day.

Tommy wasn't sure who had called him, only that he had to come home right away. His brothers followed, believing guns could fix any problem. The ride unbearably long, cursing himself for moving so far away. You'd liked the stillness of the countryside, the quiet. There you could hear the birds, your own thoughts. He would have moved anywhere if it made you happy. Smoke fled from the open windows, clouding up the glass, escaping through the chimney. Outside, a small crowd. Stranger, unfamiliar faces here to watch a show. Destruction had never seemed to entertaining. He pushed through them, a sickening smell growing more apparent the closer he got. His house, your home, up in flames. Wheezing, bleeding, struggling to survive. Frantic, he made a list of every name he knew. The help, chefs, maids, all of them safe. A sigh. Brothers, his sister, all of them out. A family meeting called just that morning, no one would dare miss it. A day, one of few, the house empty. Right?

A bottle of gasoline, a cloth stuffed into it. No one would suspect a thing. One by one thrown through the windows, shattering glass, bits and pieces exploding across the floors. It didn't take long for them to feel satisfied enough to run. They were going to teach those fucking Shelby's not to mess with them, kill one of their own. Someone was in there, their shadow light, falling across the curtains from one room to another. Whoever it was, it didn't matter. Anyone associated with that wretched family would learn. That blissful life would come to an end, they'd make sure of it. A panic threatening to rip his heart in two, Tommy ran to the door. The doorknob burning his palm, locked. His brothers not far behind, scared, unsure. Holding him back from ripping his fist on broken glass, from throwing himself into hell. He didn't have to be sure, he already knew. The roof crumbling, collapsing in on itself.

You were in there.

He'd kissed you goodbye quickly, without a second thought. You had things to do, errands to run, your fridge void of milk, your kitchen without flowers. Small things, things you wanted to get done before the real work kept you there late into the night. Shelby's pooling out of the doorway, a quick stop to the Garrison. If anyone needed anything, you were on your way. A few more things on the list. You'd always been so nice, kind, thinking of others. Bring your bags home, emptying them one by one. Flowers in a vase, it always made things a little more welcoming. Your list in the trash. That should have been the end, a task done, but it wasn't.

You nearly screamed at the sound of breaking glass, of something rolling, then stopping. One by one, room by room. There wasn't enough time to run, to get out. You were surrounded, encircled, left to watch your world crumble. Flames cried over every surface. You moved from the kitchen, hoping to escape out the back, but the bottles were there, too. They'd been thorough. Find safety somewhere else. His office. Shield yourself, your skin, making your way too it. Pounding your fists against the glass, but it wouldn't budge. The goods along there walls just begging to burn. The air was hot, and heavy, the smoke stinging your eyes, your lungs. It was getting hard to breath.

It was Tommy's house, but you made it a home, a place of love. Strip it of everything, the floorboards, the brick walls, it still would have felt the same. It was you who made it feel that way, not the things in it. You made him feel at uome, at peace. Now his home was burning from the inside out and there was nothing he could do about it.

[weltonreject]

My beloved Mitchell,

YOU MADE CARROT CAKE!!!! it's my favorite, pls have a slice on my behalf! You are a really nice baker! I love the frosting on top (or I think that's frosting), when me and my family bake these we use chocolate on top, a classic. c:

About comfort movies... howl's moving castle, hugh the gender envy howl gives me is insane and it's my favorite movie since I was very little, my dad even pirated for me so I could watch it all the time. I'm also a big snow white fan bc the songs are very nice and she is very nice, good vibes all around. I'm sure I have many more I just don't want to flood your inbox with rants shaubsua how about yours??

I also have a few numbers for the ask game, I LOVE those.

The numbers are: 1, 8, 9, 26, 28, 29. (it sounds like the lottery numbers)

-the lover.

p.s. I promise I will get back to you about the college situation once I have like actual news, thanks for caring. I love you dearly

(*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

My Dearest;

I’ve had many a slice on your behalf-- and my own-- it’s really good. My friend’s recipe had pineapple in it??? And it’s surprisingly very good. Not too wet or heavy. Definitely would get a Hollywood handshake in my HUMBLE and BIASED opinion.

I just recently watched Howl’s Moving Castle for the first time! Oh the ENVY is SO REAL. I completely see how that can be a comfort movie oh I felt nostalgic even on the first watch-- I actually really want to watch it again very soon ngl. And my comfort movies are like, DPS (for the sad energy aklsj) but for more nostalgic/childhood energy definitely an old Pixar like Monsters Inc. That movie was a constant favorite.

For the ask answers: 1. is there a book you think everyone should read? - The Namesake!

8. is there a book that deserved a sequel but didn’t get one? - I know the story doesn’t need one but If We Were Villains because I was just in LOVE with the style and the characters.

9. do you have any favourite tropes in books? - I love the trope of long term stranger/fixture in routine that then becomes a friend/lover.

26. have you seen any screen adaptations based on books that are better than the book? if so, which ones? - I really think The Queen’s Gambit is a fantastic adaptation and I felt more engaged with it on screen than with the book. But both have their merits.

28. do you own any signed copies of books? - Nope!

29. what is the scariest book you’ve ever read? - I haven’t read a lot of horror (yet! it’s on my list to reader some Barker!) but Jurassic Park I remember really made me Sweat.

Can’t wait to hear your news. Hope you’re well.

All my love, -Mitchell xo

[peeterparkr]

clear|19|t.h.

CHAPTER 19: SUN AND MOON

pairing: surfer!tom x reader

word count: 5.8k 

warnings: angst, death mention, it’s a funeral... I mean, cancer mention, fluff, too?, OH AND THIS IS LIKE 100% WRONG AND MADE UP, this is in no way accurate greek mythology 

summary: the sun and the moon were lovers. 

series masterlist playlist previous chapter next chapter

wanna be tagged?

Hello! So, there’s only one chapter left and an epilogue. This has been one hell of a ride and I thank everyone who’s been reading this story.  Please tell me what you think, your comments make my day. I’m on my finals and I’m super stressed so maybe a little cheering up? I loved writing this, ngl 

“We all have a purpose in this life,” she hid a sob. “I'm sorry… I've never been good at giving speeches… ”y/n said into the microphone as she glanced at the people who had come. They were in a church, they had already prayed and some had told stories. However, y/n thought she would have to speak for her grandfather. No matter how many tears she could shed, she needed to tell the story. "Pops ..." She cleared her throat, feeling like her voice was about to break. "My grandfather once told me that if I ran into someone, it was a miracle, a reason for being," she said with a little more security. “Everyone has a path and little by little we get together or we get separated, sometimes our paths go parallel and we don't know it until they cross,” She looked at Joanne to feel more confident. "There are roads that are destined to come together, then to get away, but in the end, they find their way back to each other" her eyes fixed on Tom. "My grandfather believed that his path was destined to come together, with my nana’s," She smiled, as a tear fell on the sheets of paper she was reading from. "Sometimes, I think so too, about him and my grandmother ..." she said as she closed her eyes. “I think there was no other couple more destined to be, and finally, they are together again. ” 

y/n sighed, watching the many faces that were accompanying her in her sorrow, in her pain, people who loved her grandfather. People who she was surprised they were there. She saw Jared, Marcus, Lex and even Claire. They all had that sad look upon their faces, with pity for her. Three years ago, she hadn’t been able to stand in that same place. She remembered it, how no words had come for her nana, just tears and tears full of despair, of pain. She hadn’t come to the point where she had by now. She was still suffering, but she knew that her pops had been aware of it. She had grown. And when Nana happened, Matty had happened too. 

And she saw some familiar faces who had been there, too, when Nana was gone. But, really, she hadn’t paid attention to them. She did now because they’re the ones who stay.

She saw new faces, too. She saw the other boys in the workshop and some boys she had seen at parties. It was no secret that her grandfather was loved. The good old Mr. James. Some, y/n supposed, were former students of his grandfather from his time teaching at the local high school.  y/n, for the first time, saw that his grandfather, despite his grandmother's death, had not been alone. 

"I think death is not ... something we should fear,” she cleared her throat. “My grandfather said it was the only thing we had for sure," y/n continued, as she bit her lip, her eyes locked on her mother. “That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. It hurts for the one who stays, but it remains for us to honor his memory and live for them. He asked me to do that, to live a great life,” she sighed. 

Y/N smiled sadly and sweetly. “That’s what pops did, lived every day, as if it were the last. He wanted the sun to rise every day, and if it didn't, he enjoyed the rain, the cloudy day, ”she continued. "Sometimes, the days will be dark," she looked around, and then she saw Tom’s family, too. "He told me, you are in charge of giving them colour, of giving them light, with that little brush of yours he’d say, with which you always paint, the world is your canvas, Doodles," she smiled again. "He said that his brightest light was gone and that's why he was looking for her light in different things, like in that old blue Aston Martin, he always said that light is never gone, he told me, whenever you’re in a dark room, you just need a spark to lead your way, a single light and everything will become clearer, because when the night is the darkest, a single light will become the brightest," she sighed. "I guess, he went to look for her.” She said as she turned to see the old photograph of her grandparents. "His light… His moon,” she let out a soft, almost inaudible and dry chuckle. “He used to tell me a story when Joanne and I were little ..." She began, while Joanne approached her. Her sister squeezed her hand while the two saw the paper. 

“The moon and the sun,” y/n sentenced. “I think there is no better way to honor my grandfather than telling this story ... ”y/n said. She and Joanne saw each other before taking a deep breath, ready to read it. “I might just say, even though he was a teacher, he had a vivid imagination, and this might be mythologically incorrect but… So endearing to hear.” 

A quiet laugh was heard from the audience. 

"He’d start with… Rumor has it that two young lovers named Moon and Sun fell madly in love with each other," Joanne began to read the story. 

"Hera, in form of a star, goddess of marriage and birth, was jealous that a couple of mortals could love each other in such an intense way and went down from the Olympus, to prove that their romance was not true," y/n continued. 

“Expert in the power of seduction, shining brightly, the goddess tried to conquer the young man, but he vehemently rejected her by saying: ‘My lady, you are undoubtedly the most beautiful and sweetest woman there is, but my heart is only for my beloved moon. She is more desirable to me than gold itself, ”Joanne could barely read. 

“Furious for not being able to woo him, and jealous that her own relationship would never be as bright as theirs, the goddess sent the lovers apart from each other, forever. She turned the young man into the star that would illuminate the day and the woman would illuminate the night, so they would never coincide in the sky. She was sure that their love would be extinguished, ”y/n said, knowing the story by heart. Her eyes kept seeing Tom. 

“However, their love persevered, that of time and distance, They died each night and each morning so the other could breathe, they’d bathe  in the ocean and dry in the sky. Longing to be closer but always apart. And each time they were apart they’d make their most magnificent entrance painting a beautiful pink and orange canvas, or a sprinkled black one. They’d be art to the other. Aphrodite, goddess of love, was inspired, so she intervened so that the Sun could at least touch the face of his beloved again, and he told the Sun that whenever he wanted to see his beloved Moon he should try his best and then he could see the edge of his beloved's face. Since then in the days when the temperature is high, it is that the sun shines with all its intensity and you can see the silhouette of the Moon on the horizon because the Sun wants to look at its beloved Moon from afar.  ” Joanne finished. 

“And Aphrodite wanted them to touch, Aphrodite wanted them to become one with the other, when the two lovers merge back into one body, if only for a brief moment…to make the most beautiful art, we see it in the sky, a total eclipse of two hearts merging into one soul,” y/n let out a tear. “I want to believe now... that my grandparents are finally in their eclipse, I finally believe that this eclipse will be eternal,” said y/n. “The sun has risen up to his moon.” 

Some of them smiled, y/n’s mother shed a tear, and looked down. There were some other people saying their goodbyes, nothing like y/n’s. A few people approached her after the funeral. 

Tom was right by her side, all the time. Squeezing her arm if she ever needed assurance, and holding her hand if he saw her play with it. A lot of people said their condolences. Words that’d go into the void. Y/N was...calm. 

And not the type of calm she’d been at the beginning of the summer, which was calm confused with passiveness, and lack of energy and interest. No, she was truly in a sense of peace. 

After receiving the news, Tom had seen her, sinking to the ground to hug her sister. Y/N had told him that she was always the one to comfort Joanne, since they were children, so when it was time for Joanne to comfort her, she didn’t have a clue. And Tom had seen y/n, excusing herself from Joanne, saying she’d call their mother. But Tom had seen her walk out of the lighthouse to sob by herself. Haz told Tom to go and calm her, Tom knew better, to leave her alone. 

Tom was sad, too. But this was not his sorrow. He saw her doing it again, excusing herself from everyone. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry for your loss, your grandfather was fantastic.” 

“James would always brighten up my day.” 

“I’m very sorry.” 

“My condolences.” 

Words that were barely sticking to y/n. Tom just saw her smile to them, and hug her sister. Joanne was devastated. 

She walked into one of the halls of the church, it was dark, and nobody could see her. 

Tom followed after her this time. “Y/N?” He called out for her as she gulped down a sob. 

“Yeah?” She tried to clean up her tears with a blue handkerchief. Her pop’s handkerchief. “Sorry, I was just--” 

“It’s okay to cry, you know?” Tom walked over. 

Y/N sighed. “I know, I know… I just, I’ve been the girl who’s sad for so long, maybe right now, I just, need to be the strong one. For my mum, for Joanne.” 

Tom cupped her cheek, it was still dumped from her tears. “You said it yourself, you can let yourself be blue.” 

Y/N sighed. “It’s easy,” she sighed. “I guess what I’m trynna say is...I’m sad, but I’m okay, I’ll get through this. I meant what I said.” 

“The sun and the moon?” He asked. 

“Was it...bad?” 

“You once turned everything beautiful,” Tom assured her. “Your pops once told the story to me, that’s why he had a chain with a Sun around his neck, and … I assume that your nana wore the moon… Which one are you wearing around your neck?” 

Y/N smiled, just slightly as she pulled it out from under her shirt, the Sun. “Yes,” she gulped and licked her lips. Her eyes blurred down with tears. “I just-” And then her voice was breaking. “I just… I can’t help but feel guilty, I came over here to visit him and I… barely spent time with him because-” And she couldn’t finish her sentence before she was crying against Tom’s chest. 

Tom didn’t say anything, he knew it. With her, he should stay quiet, he should let her speak. 

Especially because Tom was feeling guilty. “This was not how the Summer was supposed to end,” she managed to say before catching her breath. 

He hugged her, because, it was all he could do. 

She cried, just for a bit longer. She was joined by her family then. 

And Tom knew he had to give her space. Because Tom knew that part of trying to mourn a death comes with guilt and comes with blaming other people. Tom believed he’d be blamed. But he also knew y/n was full of guilt because he hadn’t been on the surfing competition. Not that it mattered, but y/n had blamed her crying on that. Saying that he should continue with his life, that he needed to continue it. 

It made Tom think. Everything y/n had said. 

Especially about the sun, and the moon. How they were always apart from each other, how the moon wasn’t present sometimes. How sometimes, it faded out, leaving only a dark sky, with stars shining out. How each night the Sun had to die in order for the Moon to shine. And he knew that story by heart, because he had heard it about a million times, too. Whenever he was helping Pops with that blue Aston Martin. He’d always tell it. 

And y/n had told the short version. She didn’t tell everything the two lovers had to face once they were separated. 

How the Sun, due to Hera’s wishes and burning jealousy, was transformed into a god, so he’d be admired. And she turned the moon into the darkness, so everyone would avoid seeing her, and so no one could admire their beauty. Hera would say it, the moon’s hideous and should be feared. 

And everyone loved the Sun, how everyone wanted to warm up with him, and how it would bring life to their homes, inviting them to bathe in the ocean. The moon, instead, brought cold and uncertainty, making the ocean big and scary. 

And everyone enjoyed the presence of the sun, while people would hide for the moon. For a moment, the lovers forgot about each other, granting Hera’s wishes to separate them. And the moon missed her lover, and she just wanted to be seen. Just a fresh air in the midday sky. 

And Aphrodite had been a fan of their love, so he brought the moon to the middle of the day, where the Sun would see her, and only her. And it just took him a glance to remember everything, her embrace, and the way she shined even when everything was dark. And he fell in love with her again, with the parts that are seen and the parts which she hid. And the sun would shine a little less bright sometimes to see her up there, to let hear breath in the middle of the day. 

The Sun asked to touch her again, to feel her. Because they were once one, and know they were two whole parts of a heart, willing to skim with each other. And so their wish was granted, but Aphrodite’s power wasn’t as powerful, but their love was, and it’d grow stronger each time they were apart just making them both look forward to their next encounter. 

Tom liked that story, he had always wanted to have an epic story. Maybe he wasn’t the sun, or the moon, but maybe he was a star, shining over, that maybe was passed by, probably unnoticed. 

But y/n saw him. 

Like no one did. Like the bright, small star he was. But she saw him. 

So it was no surprise that he saw her, too. And he had gone to her, and he had taken her away, to the valley, to the shack, to the lighthouse. To places where y/n could be blue. And to places where he could bring her to his arms. Places where y/n didn’t have to play strong. 

A day came when he went in search for her, in one of those days when he knew she’d be feeling cold. It had been raining. The lights were reflected on the pavement from the water that was silking his path. 

Joanne had said she was gone. 

And Tom feared. Just a little. Because there was a part of him that though that maybe she had thought about it. That maybe she wasn’t strong enough. 

Maybe she had to let him go before the worse could happen. 

And he was having second thoughts about his big decision. Because going to London, meant having chemos, and getting chemos was trading his life for more years. That’s the way he saw it. Getting the life sucked out of him so he would get more chance to live. Talk about a contradiction. 

And Tom knew he didn’t have to pull out the cancer card, not now, not now that y/n was going through her sorrow. Which was incredibly calm. 

Because even when he took her to her freedom, she didn’t overreact, she never sobbed. She would be… quiet. 

And Tom was afraid. Because he remember what Joanne had told him a year before, how y/n wasn’t the one to drastically cry or yell, like Joanne did. No, y/n was… distant. Y/n, according to Joanne, is able to heal if she yells and cries and sobs. When she doesn’t, then, things are going down. 

And he was scared that it’d bring her to her doom. He remembered the quiet girl he had met, and how Tom wouldn’t be there to help her. 

That’s why he had to stay, for longer. As long as he could. 

That day, when she wasn’t home and she hadn’t told him where she’d gone, the first thing he did was stare into the garage. He confirmed it. 

The blue Aston Martin wasn’t there. But the Aston Martin wasn’t fully working, and with this rain? Y/n was probably stuck in a place.

Although, she hadn’t called anyone for help, he knew she was stubborn enough to not ask for it. 

Tom picked up some towels, and blankets and he knew he had to search for her. 

Maybe it would become a tradition, to look after the other in the rain. And the sky was so dark, so dark, he couldn’t see the sun or the moon. 

The only lights came from the lightning, and the only music he was hearing was the thunder clapping. The road was muddy, and not clear enough. 

He couldn’t find y/n. But he… had a certain feeling. So he went to the blue valley. 

And there, he saw her. Leaning against the old blue Aston Martin, letting the rain soak her down from head to toe. She had her arms crossed and was wearing a hoodie she had borrowed from Tom. 

She had been crying. Which was, a good sign, Tom knew. Y/N was letting it out. 

Tom approached her and pulled down the window. “Hello, lady, do you need any help?” He asked, as y/n looked up, with a small smile, as droplets of rain were pouring down her face. 

“Do you happen to know anything about cars, mister?” Y/N looked up as she approached to the window. Tom reached out to cup her face. 

“I do know I have one where you won’t get wet,” Tom laughed. “C’mon get in.” 

Y/N blinked as she stepped back. She laughed but then smirked. “Well, I wouldn’t be bragging about not getting a woman wet.”

Tom’s eyes widened. “What?” He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. He burst out in laughter. 

Y/N chuckled. “I don’t...I don’t know.” 

“And just so we’re… Clear, we haven’t had any trouble with that,” Tom winked at her. “Now get in the car.” 

She giggled as she shook her head. “Let me enjoy the rain.” 

Tom sighed. “Alright.” He parked right in front of her car and stepped out with her.

“Stop, you might get sick.”

Tom chuckled. “Can’t get any more sick,” he said as he walked over to her with open arms. 

She snuggled close to him. “Thank you.” 

He smiled. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like I am living my favorite bedtime story,” she confessed. 

“The sun and the moon?” Tom wondered. 

Y/N smiled. “Yeah, just...another version.”  

Tom raised his eyebrows. He kissed her forehead. “How long have you been here?” 

“A bit, I wasn’t planning on… the car stopping.” She chuckled. “But my phone ran out of battery and I…” 

Tom smiled. 

“And I decided I might as well enjoy the rain.” 

“Why did you take the Aston Martin? You knew it wasn’t ready,” Tom pushed. 

“I guess, because I thought it’d give me answers,” she shrugged. “I realized, I don’t even know the questions.” 

The rain was silking their clothes as they stayed hugging each other. Y/N felt Tom rubbing her back, as the riveting rattling from the raindrops were harmonizing to them. 

“Besides,” she looked up at him. “Maybe I was hoping a surfer would rescue me again from a car malfunction.” 

He chuckled. “You were so annoyed to see me that one time.” 

“I was.” 

Tom frowned. “Angel!” 

She laughed. “I didn’t like you! I can’t lie about that,” she admitted. 

He lifted her chin and placed a soft peck on her lips. 

“Weird thing, because I felt like I loved you even before I met you,” Tom declared. She grinned. 

“How wonderful life is, now you’re in my world,” she whispered as she connected her lips with his. 

Tom rested his forehead against hers. 

She smiled. “You know… The car might not work… But the radio does,” she grinned. “Would you dance in the rain with me?” 

Tom grinned. “Really?” 

She chuckled as she reached inside the old Aston Martin. 

“I don’t know what will play, though,” she admitted. “It...is…let me see if I can work it out.” 

Tom laughed watching her. “Need any help?” 

She tried pressing the buttons, and a loud scratch was heard. Tom laughed. 

But then a few notes playing on a piano were heard. Y/N smiled and chuckled to herself sadly. The biggest irony, or coincidence, or… magic.

Tom felt his heart warm up as soon as he heard the piano notes and listened to the familiar tune.

Love Me Tender. Elvis Presley.the first song they’d ever danced to. 

Y/N felt a tear falling down her cheek, Tom was quick to wipe it. Y/N got out of the car again as she took Tom’s hand in hers. 

He pulled her closer. 

“You know, for someone who told me he didn’t dance. You sure have been dancing a lot with me,” she chuckled, as he wrapped his arms around her, letting the song move them. 

“And for someone who claims not to like me you sure have been proving me wrong,” he grinned. 

She blushed. 

“Things have changed, this summer was more than I could ask for,” she admitted. “But the summer is over now.” 

Tom hugged her closely. “The summer is over.” 

“Is this a goodbye?” She asked with fear. It felt like suddenly asking made the rain turn into snow. They turned cold and suffocated. 

Tom shook his head. “It’s—it’s a new beginning.” 

They sang under their breath. “Love me tender, love me true. All my dreams fulfil. For my darling, I love you, and I always will.” 

They danced along under the rain as the song played in the background, merging with the raindrops and just accentuated by the thunder. It seemed like the melody was prettier under the rain, it sounded more natural. 

And though the skies were grey and the dirt was brown, they were seeing light surrounding them. 

They grinned and clumsily danced, feeling their bodies against the other. Knowing there would never be twice a love like theirs, not ever.

The song finished and they shared a single kiss, under the rain. 

They got into the old Aston Martin. They needed to stay quiet, for a bit, take at the moment. Because maybe they hadn’t realized it until then. But the summer was over. The summer was coming to an end and they didn’t have anything planned. 

“The summer went by fast,” she whispered. 

Sure, Tom has said he’d go to London. Easier said than done. There needed to be planning and there needed to be love. But there was barely any time, and Tom didn’t know if he needed to continue with it. 

He needed to sort out everything. Especially, because he was feeling so… selfish. Because right now, it was the summer ending, but later? How could he know about the future? There was no easy way to say it, the possibilities of him staying were ceasing. 

Tom gulped. “Can you… can you turn on the heating?” He asked her. 

“Oh shoot, right, sorry…” She gulped, as she tried to start the car. 

“Don’t you wanna head home?” He asked her. 

She shook her head. “No, I don’t… I… I need to get this back running.” A sudden sense of urgency got into y/n who tried to re-start the car several times, she was breathing quickly. She was not listening to Tom. 

“Y/N, it can’t be fixed, not right now! Not with this rain, look tomorrow… I’ll bring down a truck and take it to the shop.” 

“No, no, I need to fix it, it can’t be… broken forever,” she cried. She got off the car as the rain was getting worse and worse. She was muttering to herself, that she needed to get it done. 

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N!” Tom was behind her. “Angel, love, c’mon.” 

“The car… I need to… I need to get it back running, I was so… distracted with dancing that I forgot I was trying to get it back on, I was supposed to get it back running but I--” She started to shake as she was talking and mumbling to herself. She had opened the bonnet and just stared at everything. She had closed it and opened it several times. 

“Tom... I need to fix this,” she sobbed. “The car… I was… I shouldn’t get distracted, I…” 

And Tom understood why the sudden urge to repair the car, this wasn’t about the car. He took her in his arms. 

“Y/N, angel, calm down,” he mumbled into her ear. “Angel, angel.” 

But she didn’t hug him back, she fell to the ground instead, desperately sobbing, while Tom could do nothing but hold her tight. Although he wasn’t feeling well, and the rain was getting much worse by the moment. 

Tom couldn’t make this about him, y/n needed him. But he hadn’t been feeling well. Not since the morning. And before he knew it, he was falling down to the mud. 

Next thing he knew, he woke up to yelling. He barely opened his eyes but he saw them. Y/N and his mother. 

“What were you thinking? He can’t be in the rain!” She said. “It’s your fault he’s here… He was doing fine, and everything he’s done lately circles around you!” 

Y/N stepped back, “I’m...I’m very sorry.”

“Mum, no,” Harry stepped in. “She’s been of great help! She got Tom to go back on therapy!” 

Nikki closed her eyes. “But Tom’s lost his mind, everything he does is stupid and pathetic and she keeps on making him do all these stunts!” 

Y/N looked away. 

“He climbed a Ferris wheel! He risked his life,” Nikki was being irrational. Tom watched them, knowing better. He knew his mother didn’t mean all of that, but that was the reaction they’d get whenever Tom got into trouble. You can’t blame her, the woman’s desperate. Her son is ill. Her son is dying. And she had grown fond of y/n but there were many things she disapproved of their relationship, mostly including things which Nikki found inappropriate for a kid with cancer to do. 

“I’m very sorry,” y/n said again. “Mrs Holland I… I’m very sorry.” 

“It’s alright, dear, he’s fine,” Dom intruded. Nikki glared at her husband. “He’s fine,” he assured her. “I just talked to the nurse, he just needs rest, he’s dehydrated, nothing with his vitals, he’s fine. They’ll just keep him at bedrest tonight in to check him in.” 

Y/N looked down. “I’m really sorry.” 

Tom saw her leave and frowned. Harry sighed as he followed after her. 

“I’ll… I need to talk to Dr. Green.” Dom said before walking off. 

Nikki frowned and then turned into the room, seeing Tom was awake. “Oh, thank god!” She said as she rushed to him to take his hand. “You’re so cold--” 

“Mum-” 

“You shouldn’t be out there--” 

“Mum, I know!” 

Nikki stepped back. 

“I’m fine.” 

“You’re not, I saw you this morning, you looked pale.” 

Tom looked away. “Yes, yes I know, but it was my fault, not y/n’s, okay?” He looked her in the eyes. “Y/N is not the one who’s put me in this, mother, alright? Neither are you.” 

“But if only you hadn’t been in the rain-” 

“You heard dad, it’s not the rain, I was dehydrated, that’s on me, okay?” Tom closed his eyes. “I try to ignore it okay? Yes, I knew I was feeling bad… But I simply ignored it. Because it had to be about y/n, because all summer has been about me! It’s always her worrying, and it’s always her making me feel normal, it’s always her trying to make me forget, and I can’t-... I can’t keep on shielding her from being normal herself, alright? ” 

Nikki blinked. 

“This had nothing to do with the rain, and I’m sorry mum, but today, it had to be about her, because she has to act tough with all of this, and I… I saw her, she feels guilty, because she was supposed to spend time with her grandpa and all she did in the summer was take care of me.” 

Nikki took his hand in his. “I’m--” 

“I love her, mum, and she’s made me see things I hadn’t before, alright?” Tom continued. “And I know I’ve done some pretty stupid stuff for her, but I… I’ve also realized many things.” 

Nikki sighed. 

“I’m sorry--” 

“I know, I know it’s hard mum…. But, don’t blame it on her, especially not now.” 

Nikki gulped down her guilt. She had snapped at y/n without any reason, honestly. She knew that. And Tom knew it. It was the biggest side-effect his illness had brought. His calm and loving mother losing her senses. This hadn’t been the first time they had their differences shown. It seemed like both of them had a very different approach to Tom’s illness. 

“I’m just trying to protect you,” Nikki said. 

“And…dad too, and Harry, and Sam, even Jared” Tom sighed. “You know, everyone has a saying on what I should feel like, on what I should do, but no one understands it, because none of you...You all forgot about it, didn’t you?” 

“Forget what?” 

“I forgot it, too. That I’m still Tom.” Tom pushed. “She made me remember.”

“I never forgot…” 

“No, ma, but you did,” Tom sighed. “I… I feel like my life changed, everyone turned to see me, I suddenly became someone always watched and every one pitied me, and… Then she came around, and she made me realize I’m more than pills, I’m more than this.” 

“You’ve always been, Tom,” Nikki assured him. 

“But… for a while, ma, I hadn’t felt it, I hadn’t felt alive, I was just… a dead man living,” he explained. “And suddenly she came, with that sketchbook of hers and that paintbrush and she just… Painted me, she painted back the colour on me.”

Nikki smiled. 

“Yes, I know I’ve done some pretty stupid things, but… I realized I should, because I’m young, alright? I should be doing that kind of stuff, I should be dancing with her in the rain, and I should continue to climb on Ferris Wheels, burst into songs and for a moment… Forget about this, alright?” 

“I’m… going to apologize to her.” Nikki stood up as she looked around the room, she picked up some blankets. 

She went through the halls that she knew by heart, already. She had been harsh. She had let it all overcome it, because everything had grown. But to be fair, her nerves were constantly on a spike. Just waiting for the worst. Always living a nightmare. Hiding from everyone so no one could see her tears. 

She went to the cafeteria, ordered two coffees. Nikki feared y/n had left. But for her surprise, she hadn’t. She was at that old blue waiting room with her clothes still soaking. Her head was on her hands. 

“I have to apologize to you,” Nikki said as she handed her a coffee and covered her with the blanket.

“No, I get it, it’s my fault, I’m very sorry” Y/N said with tears on her face. 

“No, no I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” Nikki side hugged her. “You’ve only helped Tom.” 

“I… I sorry, I forgot he shouldn’t be in the rain today, I just…” She gulped. “I was… I was…” 

“You were making my son feel alive,” Nikki admitted. “And that’s what you’ve been doing all summer. You meant well and I guess… I haven’t been fair on you, your grandpa just passed, I should have--” 

“No, it’s alright, really, I get it,” Y/N gulped. “It’s difficult to remain calm. I didn’t today.” 

“What happened then?” Nikki turned to her.

“I actually couldn’t… I guess the same thing that happened with you, denial, trying to blame it on someone else,” Y/N confessed. “That’s when it happened, I… I was so distracted again that I didn’t see Tom wasn’t feeling well.” 

“It’s not your fault,” Nikki told her.

“I don’t know… I think Tom and I were very irresponsible this summer,” y/n pointed out as she took a sip from her coffee.

Nikki shook her head. “No, you’ve been young” 

Y/N gulped as she shrugged. “I guess we were both trying to forget our life, I tried to forget the reason why I came here because I didn’t want to accept it.” 

Nikki waited for her to continue. 

“I was the only one who knew that pops was sick… And I used to snap that way before, because I tried to avoid it. I tried to forget about it, but, it can’t be ignored for much, we were supposed to see pops all summer because we knew that day would come,” y/n conffessed. 

“I’m sorry.”

“But I guess I thought that if I tried to forget it, it wouldn’t happen…If I avoided it, it would… fade out?” Y/N sighed shaking her head. “And I think that’s what Tom’s been doing, forget about it.” 

Tom’s mother sat back, realizing how well this stranger knew her son. How could she not see it? How had she been blind all this time? 

“But it can’t go away.” 

“No, it can’t,” Y/N agreed. 

“That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be happy, that shouldn’t mean he is not Tom anymore,” Nikki sighed. 

“Your son will never stop being him,” y/n said. “He’s a fighter,” she continued taking Nikki’s hand in hers. “And he’s just like sunlight, warming up everyone.” 

Nikki smiled. “He is.” 

“And he will keep on fighting,” y/n assured him. “And I want to be with him, I want to help him fight.”

“He doesn’t want to keep fighting,” Nikki sighed. “I’ve tried-” 

“He’s going to London, Nikki,” y/n sentenced. “He promised me.” 

Nikki’s eyes widened as she looked at her. “What?” 

“He’s the sun, and he will keep on shining.” 

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[pocket-full-of-wonder]

oh ! same anon but i was wondering if you could do number 5 for the drabbles ! preferably w kags asking for help if its not too much trouble 🥺

oh heck yea!!!! most of the qp kagehina series so far has been kags lookin after hina which is BLESSED but i have been meaning to showcase more of the vice versa so thank you v much!!!! ~~

((ngl i had such a hard time deciding exactly wHAT scenario i wanted to go with and bounced through a good 5-6 of them before finally settling on this one and it’s made me want to write a small collection of ficlets centered around the two of them learning to be vulnerable around each other and ask for help more openly jkjlkjlSDF))

((#5: First time asking for help))

Now Available on AO3

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They’ve been living together for two months. In the grand scheme of things, that isn’t a very long time, and they don’t plan to stop at two months, either. Or even two years, granted their impending futures don’t pull them apart–and if it does, and they’ve talked about the fact that it most likely, inevitably will, there’s nothing to keep their futures from aligning again. 

For now, though, it’s been only two months. Long enough for them to settle into a routine, long enough to memorize each other’s good/bad habits and pick up the slack wherever needed. It’s a nice system they have in place of taking care of things around the apartment, who prepares/purchases their meals, who waters the house plants, this that and the other. It’s a system that works and a system they love. Tobio certainly wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

Except, he wakes up one Friday morning feeling like someone’d taken a sledgehammer to his head and mint to his sinuses, and there’s barely enough coherency in his befuddled mind to think oh, no. 

Two months, perhaps, isn’t nearly long enough a time to experience everything that comes with a) being in a partnership but also b) seeing each other sick in said partnership.

Tobio doesn’t get sick often, he never has, but he knows from the moment he wakes up that accursed morning that he’s going to go down hard. That’s always how it’s been; he doesn’t get sick, but when he does get sick, he gets really, really sick. Sick enough that his panicked father has driven him down to the ER at ungodly hours.

But now he’s eighteen, and living with Shouyou, and he has a routine and a job and a crash course of general college ed and a boss and bills and of course a partner, god, Shouyou–

He isn’t going to know, he resolves to himself, barely ten minutes after waking up. Usually the first day isn’t that bad. I’ll power through today and spend tomorrow in bed, I’ll sleep it off.

And power through, he does. Maybe he doesn’t do it well or completely subtly, but he does. He keeps every conversation with Shouyou brief and makes excuses about leaving early when he really doesn’t have to. Shouyou questions the integrity of his words (and his footing, too, actually–Tobio would kick himself for being so obvious if he weren’t already staggering into walls) but can’t discern the problem well enough to call him out on anything. 

So Tobio goes to work that afternoon at a job he hasn’t had long enough to hate or love. He’s only a dishwasher, luckily, and the restaurant’s only open for lunch so he doesn’t even have that long of a shift. He plows through, makes it through. It’s his night to get dinner so he takes care of that, too, bringing home ramen from their favorite hole in the wall joint. Shouyou won’t stop glancing up at him throughout dinner, but doesn’t question him. He does, however, offer to do Tobio’s part of the dishes. 

Which. 

Tobio would say he could power through that, too, but his head is pounding and he’s kind of scared if he moves too much more tonight he’ll throw up and he really, really doesn’t want that. All he has to do is pretend to be okay for just a little bit longer and then tomorrow he can sleep this whole mess away.

“Are you okay?” Shouyou asks later that night. His hands are covered in soap suds and he’s splashed some dishwater on the front of his shirt, sponge in left hand and bowl in right. “You haven’t been acting like yourself today.” 

“I’m fine,” Tobio says (lies, lies, why does he feel like he has to lie to Shouyou of all people?), but doesn’t let go of the counter’s edge. He doesn’t loosen his grip on it, either. He’s not sure he can. “Are you sure you’ve got the dishes? I don’t mind drying them.” 

“Nah, it’s cool,” Shouyou says, shrugging. “I’ve got an audiobook I was planning to listen to, so it’s fine. You kinda look dead on your feet, I think you should go to bed.” 

It sounds like the best idea Shouyou has had in a very long time, but Tobio of course doesn’t say that. He nods, swallows down his nausea and barely remembers to say, “Goodnight, Shouyou,” before he’s turned and stumbled down the hall toward the bedroom. Shouyou returns the sentiment, but Tobio barely hears it over the ringing in his ears. When had that started? Fantastic. 

He faceplants his side of the bed (which is something mutually decided between them, that they never really talked about or discussed, it just sort of… happened) and breathes in a long, deep breath, relishing the ease on his feet and eyes and skull and god, please stop pounding, please stop pounding, please stop.

He clenches his teeth and digs his fingernails into the sheets. His eyes are burning, and he doesn’t know why, and it’s all he can do to turn his face into the pillow and croak, “Sh-Shit,” when he knows Shouyou isn’t around to hear it. 

In the back of his mind, he’s still resolved to never let Shouyou know about this. He’ll just sleep it off, he’ll be fine, he’s fine, this is fine, Shouyou doesn’t have to know. Tobio isn’t going to disrupt this routine, he isn’t going to ruin the first time in his whole life he’s felt 100% accepted and loved. He isn’t going to ruin it. He ruined it once, with old teammates in a worse time, and he isn’t going to ruin it again. 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Tobio wakes up in the middle of the night and feels like he’s dying. All those times he was sick before, all those times he was hospitalized as a child because his body couldn’t fight off the fever on its own, or because he was dehydrated–nothing compares to this, nothing could. 

His eyes burn with tears before he’s coherent enough to know why. His head is–

Shit. 

Shit, shit, shit, his head–

It overwhelms his thought process, every coherency he thought he had, and it goes ahead and takes over all the coherency he’d been grasping for. It hurts, it pulsates like there are fireworks going off inside of it, ping-ponging against the insides and outsides of his skull, then catching in orbit and spiraling round and round and round androundandroundandround–

He’s not even sitting up why is he spinning– 

He’s pulling his hair, grinding his teeth hard enough to worsen the pounding, squeezing his eyes shut against the impending tears he doesn’t think he has the energy to stop, and no amount of digging his nails into his skull makes it any more bearable, it doesn’t dissipate at all, nothing helps– 

He can feel Shouyou’s warmth beside him, somehow, in the back of his mind and nearly overwhelmed by everything else. Shouyou is sleeping soundly on his own half of the bed, vibrant hair almost too bright to look at in the dark space. Tobio wants to squeeze his eyes shut again but there’s something comforting about Shouyou’s presence in the darkness. Even if he is sleeping. 

Don’t ruin this. Don’t ruin this. Don’t ruin this. 

His head burns. It courses through him like poison, hitting every soft spot and hard spot alike. There’s acid in his throat brought up by the pound in his skull and his stomach is in knots. His chest hurts. He feels like he does after playing a match for too long and trying too hard. Only worse.

Don’t ruin this don’t ruin this don’t ruin this don’t ruin this

He can’t. 

It hurts and it burns and he can’t. 

Don’truinthisdon’truinthisdon’truinthis–

“Sh-Shou–” He chokes that much out before he hauls back, clenching his teeth, yanking his hair, digging his fingernails into his scalp. He hopes he hasn’t drawn blood, but he can’t tell and barely cares. “Sh-Shouyou, please–” 

This time he manages to detangle one hand and reach out, giving Shouyou a poke on the shoulder. Shouyou is the lighter sleeper of the two, and it doesn’t take much to rouse him. He stirs, shifts, and the slight jostle of the bed almost makes Tobio throw up. 

“Mngn? W’ssup?” 

You’re going to ruin it you’re going to ruin it you’re going to r

Tobio gulps back whatever’s in his throat, tears, bile, it doesn’t matter anymore and he can’t tell up from down. “Shou, I–” (Shouyou freezes. Tobio can’t see his face. His voice doesn’t feel like his own and it only worsens the hurt.) “Pl–Please, I–help me–” 

It’s barely audible. He doesn’t know how Shouyou hears it. 

Shouyou is sitting up at once, hands on Tobio’s shoulders. One trails up to touch his face. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Shouyou’s voice is wide awake, if shaky. “What happened? Tobes?” 

“S-Sick.” Tobio forces it out, chokes on the exertion. “My head, I–c-can’t–” 

“Okay.” Shouyou’s voice is somewhat steadier now. But just somewhat. “Okay, okay. It’s okay, you’re okay. Is it just your head? What else?” 

“D-Don’t know.” He thought he’d feel worse waking Shouyou, but hearing his voice, feeling his touch, eases him into a certain sense of calm. It doesn’t ease the pain, but it helps him cope with it. “I-It just–it just hurts, it hurts–really bad–” 

“Okay, okay.” Shouyou’s hand presses to his forehead, smooths back his hair. “Yeah, that’s a fever. Hey–” His opposite hand comes to settle on Tobio’s. “Let go, okay? You’re gonna hurt yourself. You can hold my hand instead if you want, okay? It’s okay, just let go.”  

He gently unclenches Tobio’s fingers from his hair, somehow, and threads their hands together immediately. Tobio wants to cry. He could already be crying for all he knows. Shouyou’s fingers card through his hair and it makes the pain just a little more bearable. Tobio leans into it and tries to breathe. 

Shouyou sits with him and lets Tobio rest his head on his thigh. Everything is muddled and hazy and now that Shouyou is holding his hand, and petting his hair, he can close his eyes again and still have reassurance of Shouyou’s presence. 

“Hey.” Shouyou’s voice is quiet. “Hey, I need to get you some medicine, okay? And take your temperature. I won’t be gone a minute, I’ll even run.”

Shouyou has run through the apartment before, and almost skidded out and concussed himself on the table. Even in pain and barely there, Tobio manages to grind out, “Don’t you friggin dare.”

Shouyou laughs quietly. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding, I won’t. But I’ll be back as fast as I can, okay? Hang in there.” 

He keeps his promise (he must) because the next thing Tobio knows, he’s in Shouyou’s lap again with a thermometer being held under his tongue and what feels like a cold plaster on his forehead. He must have zoned out.

The thermometer is pulled back. Shouyou hisses. “Oh. Yikes. Okay, but it’s not as high as I was scared of. I think you’ll be okay–I’m still gonna give you some medicine, though, do you think you can stomach it? Was that a stupid question?” 

Tobio turns his face into Shouyou’s stomach with a moan he doesn’t remember making. Shouyou’s fingers run through his hair again soothingly. 

“Okay, we’ll wait on the medicine. How’s your head now?” 

“Distant.” Shouyou is a good distraction. He’s just loud enough and just present enough. Never too much. “Th-Thanks.” 

“Aw, you don’t gotta thank me. But you’re welcome, anyway. Does anyone in your family get migraines? My mom used to get them–maybe being sick triggered one?”

Tobio is zoning out again. Something about Shouyou’s voice is just. Nice. It does bring up the pain in his head, but it’s a worthy trade-off. 

“Is this why you were so weird today?” Shouyou asks, in a voice that suggests he already knows the answer and isn’t expecting one, anyway. “You should’ve told me sooner, stupid. I would’ve helped.” 

“S-Sorry,” Tobio croaks, and somewhere in the pit of his stomach not yet claimed by nausea is guilt, just as sickening. “D-Didn’t… wa-wanna throw it all on you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Wanted you to be able to rely on me.” His head still pounds but it’s a little easier to talk, now that he’s been doing it. “Gotta keep up with my half of the d-deal. C-Couldn’t… let you down.” 

“Oh my god are you for real?” 

Tobio has to bite the inside of his cheek. “I…” 

“Wait, no, seriously. After everything we’ve been through, all those years, every volleyball match and every confided secret and literally everything, you don’t think I rely on you?”

Tobio shrinks back and feels suddenly small, vulnerable in a way he hadn’t meant to be. “I–I don’t know.” 

Shouyou sighs, but there’s no small amount of endearment in it, and he strokes Tobio’s hair again and squeezes his hand.

“I’ve always been able to rely on you, Tobio. Little things, big things, all of it. I don’t think there’s ever been a time where I felt like I couldn’t trust you.”

“B-But–” Tobio tries to think, tries to find logic behind his emotions but he’s in pain and he feels terrible and Shouyou is just, Shouyou and he can’t filter himself. “But you can’t now, I-I don’t know if I c-can do everything I’m supposed to tom-tomorrow or th-this week and I–” 

“Tobio.“ Shouyou cuts him off, flicks his shoulder lightly. “You are. So stupid.” 

It’s said with such fondness that it makes Tobio’s head spin. Again. “Wh-What?” 

“’What’?” Shouyou repeats in the same disarmingly sincere tone. “Tobio, I love you. You know that I love you. And maybe we’ll be burdens on each other every now and then, but that doesn’t–change anything. That’s just part of what it means to have relationships, sometimes we do have to pick up each other’s slack. And I don’t mind picking up yours, because I love you. You do the same for me all the time.” 

Tobio’s heart is tight, and so is his throat. “I-I–Shou–” 

Shouyou’s thumb traces his cheek, and it’s only now Tobio realizes he’d started crying. “I know you’re sick right now, and you don’t feel like yourself, and this is probably a conversation we should have when you’re feeling better, but. Yeah. Sorry, I should’ve saved the emotional compromisation for another time, huh?” 

It draws a hoarse laugh from Tobio, one that quickly turns into a pained yelp that has him clenching his teeth and Shouyou wrapping an arm around his shoulders to pull him in closer. 

“Sorrysorrysorrysorry,” Shouyou hurries, a little frantic. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were gonna laugh–It wasn’t funny, moron, you’re ridiculous–” 

Tobio gets his breath back, and his head is still pounding, but this time all he can feel is worn down and exhausted. Especially with Shouyou holding him this close, with Shouyou this warm, with his hands stroking his hair and side.

“Really, though, Shou,” Tobio breathes out. “Thank you. I’ll tell you. Next time.” 

“Good, good.” Shouyou is calm again, and it calms Tobio further. “You should get some sleep, I’ll turn off your alarms for tomorrow. And if I wake up and you’re doing chores, I may in fact kick you.” 

“Noted.” 

Shouyou squeezes his hand. “Take it easy, alright? I love you.”

“Love you, too.” 

Shouyou hums an acknowledgment, and strokes Tobio’s hair gently long after Tobio has fallen asleep.