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murfpersonalblog · 5 months ago

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IWTV 2022 - My Top 10 Reactors (2024)

Disclosure: I'm a diehard Louis-stan & Claudia's self-appointed pro bono lawyer. I'm also Loustat OTP shipper, who loves giving Lestat a hard time, cuz he deserves it.

FrankFreezy (S1 & S2 complete)

Olurinatti Pop! (S1 & S2 complete)

What R U Doing Bree (S1 & S2 complete)

AvatarAdrian (S1 & S2 complete)

ShalayahHomebody TV (up to 2x6 as of Dec 2024)

PettyPumpkins (S1 & S2 complete)

Syntell (S1 & S2 complete)

Bird Calls (S1 & S2 complete)

FoxTaco (S1 & S2 complete)

Nikki and Amber TV (S1 & S2 complete)

#1: FrankFreezy (S1 & S2 complete)

My vibe check always looks at how reactors respond to Lestat (S1) & Armand (S2), vs Louis & Claudia. I deeply appreciate how Frank's videos are even longer than the eps themselves, cuz he actually takes time to THINK. He won my heart when he said he identifies with Louis the most (he even painted a beautifully sensitive portrait of LDPDL), cuz he'd seen abusive relationships IRL, and was able to recognize certain power imbalances & toxic behavior cuz of his personal experiences. He can equally defend Louis & Claudia, AND rightly call them out when they act out of pocket (esp. Louis); not from a place of hatred or racism or ageism or bad faith gotchas, but cuz he KNOWS. He likes Louis' moments of self reflection, cuz he himself has been hated by people he's mistreated in the past, too. Frank's introspective response to S2 (esp. 2x8) was the purest, rawest response I've ever seen from a reactor. You HAVE to rewatch this show, and PAY ATTENTION to the deeper meanings & messages & lessons. NO, Lou & Claud are not angels, they do problematic effed up things. But the show's not about crucifying them (a la the Trial); it's about exploring how trauma & abuse affects people, and affects relationship/family dynamics in complex & messy ways. Frank just has such emotionally mature takes, it's really refreshing, when so many reactors are surface-deep.

#2: Olurinatti Pop! (S1 & S2 complete)

My QUEEN. A criminal defense lawyer IRL, Olay takes not a drop of BS from Louis, his garbage family, Armand, and ESPECIALLY not from Lestat. Despite being the embodiment of Claudia's rage, Olay's HILARIOUS as she chews these ridiculous characters new arseholes, visibly trying to not strangle them through the frikkin screen. XD I fell in love with Olay when she swiftly pointed out the gendered/racial/power imbalances between Louis & everyone he interacts with as a closeted Black gay man during Jim Crow; and how Lestat's toxic AF color blindness inevitably led to gaslighting, manipulation, and abuse. I love Loustat, but I also appreciate having someone who can yank my rose-tinted glasses off & point out their flaws; urging us to be more critical of the BS being slung in our faces. Lestat Apologists vacate the premises immediately, cuz Olay is NOT playing with y'all.

#3: What R U Doing Bree (S1 & S2 complete)

Another Black female criminal justice/defense lawyer IRL (I have a type), Bree's a longtime Tumblrina with a very analytical way of processing the characters and episodes, that is equal parts smart and equal parts unhinged fangirl. She's a Daniel Molloy stan (complete with a lifesized cardboard cutout of Eric Bogosian, omfg, LOL), and lives for him calling out all the inconsistencies in Loumand's accounts. She also gives flowers to the other characters, meticulously allotting Brownie Points every time they do/say something she likes--which makes it fun to watch her and start knowing ahead of time what she'll give BPs to. Daniel & Claudia get the most flowers, and she enjoys Louis, which is crucial for me as a Loustan. Lestat had to grow on her after a few rewatches, and she now fondly calls him her "dumb son," LOL.

#4: AvatarAdrian (S1 & S2 complete)

I LOVE having a Black gay man's reactions to this show, omg. Adrian's recaps are so dang FUNNY--he lives for ALL the mess. Most importantly, he stays ready to clock Lestat and his busted "George Washington" colonizer behavior, and I'm here for it! Adrian's Team Loumand, so I can't, but I get it, cuz Lestat.

#5: ShalayahHomebody TV (up to 2x6 as of 11/20/24)

My original favorite IWTV reactor, Shalayah just calls ish out like she sees it. I love myself a good ranter who can just go AWF on fools (esp. Lestat), no holds barred. IRL/technical stuff slowed Shalayah down a lot, and she hasn't finished S2 yet, so I ended up lowering her on my list, but Shalaya's so freaking awesome awesome--funny & here for all the tea and mess. She even made watching Mayfair Witches fun, as she dragged everyone for filth.

#6: PettyPumpkins (S1 & S2 complete)

I've learned to avoid white reactors in this fandom, cuz too many of them are either complaining book purists or just blatant racists. But Petty Pumpkins are absolute darlings. They are funny and love mess & drama, but are also so sensitive & sweet; when they cry I cry. They absolutely love Claudia, and immediately clocked Armand as the snake he is--Armand Apologists beware, cuz they WILL call y'all out during their reactions.

#7: Syntell (S1 & S2 complete)

Two HBCU educated articulate Black reactors who know about the history of the Black experience in America, they immediately & authentically & candidly talk to the racial things Louis experiences in a way VERY FEW reactors ever do in this out-of-touch fandom--THAT PART! Their videos are longer cuz they talk more, with a dedicated commentary/discussion section after each ep. I like Syntell (the man--an Armand stan) way more than M.Claire (the lady--a Lestan, who hated the S3 promo). Syntell pays attention WAY more, and catches on to themes & messages & layers quicker, and his takes are so good. But they bounce well off of each other. Neither of them cared for S1 Claudia much, but M.Claire really didn't like her.

#8: Bird Calls (S1 & S2 complete)

These ladies are fun to watch--a bit lighter on the commentary, but heavy on the micro/macro-expressions. They were NOT here for Loustat, but the difference with their take on 1x5/1x6 that put them above FoxTaco for me is that they're here for CLAUDIA and her liberation, rather than being sour cuz it wasn't fun watching abused!Louis rather than BAMF!Lestat. I esp. like Resha (afro); she has that quick snazzy personality that I just really vibe with, as she catches things hella fast & has zero time for BS--she instantly clocked Armand as a p.o.s. in 1x7 and I was ROLLING. She talks more than Akaya (beanie), and mostly everything she says is exactly what I was thinking.

#9: FoxTaco (S1 & S2 complete)

TBH Taco makes me mad sometimes, cuz S1 was Louis' story, and in 1x6 he was way too callous & insensitive when he outright said he didn't care about seeing Louis' depression, like...? Wrong show, my guy. 😅 But when he's tuned in, he's on point a lot of the time, which makes his rich commentary valuable & insightful, even when I don't agree with his takes. I know I'll enjoy him more in S3, when his attitude as a Lestan fits better with a show focusing on Lestat's experiences & personality rather than Louis'.

#10: Nikki and Amber TV (S1 & S2 complete)

Entertaining and engaging, but it frustrates me sometimes when they miss things, but not bother to rewind and go back to better understand what they're watching. I get wanting to do blind 1st time watches/reactions, the show must go on, but I wish they spent more time afterwards/during on reviewing with commentary; cuz when they do talk more they have such good points to make, and I love hearing their perspectives as two parents.

#interview with the vampire #must see tv #videos #fandoms

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corvuscorona · 4 months ago

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Preorders are finally open!! Approximately half the Stranger of Paradise fans in the world have spent approximately half of 2024 working real hard on this fanbook, & I've seen what's gonna be inside. There's a lot of it, and it completely owns. Comics, in flavors both grippingly serious & disarmingly hilarious. Written pieces the form & the impact of which you could not possibly anticipate. So much fanart; like SO much; the merch you can see in the listings here barely even scratches the surface. Omfg there's so much & it's so deeply, deeply cool.

There'll be little preview spotlights happening throughout the preorder period, in case you're somehow on the fence about whether you want this or not; some of them WILL be reblogged by me, & you will look at them & think "oh shit; I gotta remember to preorder that actually."

In the meantime, please know that my lore-crunchiest, implication-heaviest, 🌪️🐉 Sophia-involvingest ✨ fic yet will be nestled in these pages, and it will be formatted & presented with stylish grace I could not possibly fucking achieve on my own, & the effect will dazzle and amaze you. Would YOU like to become unable to distinguish between "canon minutiae you didn't pick up on the first time you played" and "stuff that I, enjoythat (corvuscorona), made up"? Now you can. I have put literally as much of that shit as I could possibly cram into a oneshot, in this book, for you.

Be there. Buy this. Enjoy that.

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Enjoy 80+ pages of art, writing, comics and extra items! Check out the bundles available below!

❖ Dark Crystal Bundle

A PDF of the fanbook, storing all content from the physical copy in portable, digital form. Be sure not to lose it.

Contains a PDF of the fanbook. All orders will be sent the PDF via email as well as a mailed card with a QR code on it.

❖ Stranger Bundle

A light bundle with the necessities for seeking Chaos.

Contains a PDF Fanbook, Physical Fanbook, and 2 Mini Prints.

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A complete bundle fit for a Jack of all Trades.

Contains a PDF Fanbook, Physical Fanbook, 2 Sticker Sheets, 2 Mini Prints and 2 Acrylic Charms.

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Contains 2 Acrylic Charms, 2 Sticker Sheets, and 2 Mini Prints.

A listing of individual items is also available! Check out everything at the main shop link HERE! 👊

#sopfanbook #stranger of paradise #I am not kidding. some of the stuff in here exploded my brain. you need to see it. get your brain exploded with me.#& to everyone who isn't reading this rn due to holiday reasons: don't worry. my beam will reach you later.

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relaxxattack · 4 years ago

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hi im asking u this bc u seem to be bee duo enthusiast so

ive been calling c! beeduos relationship platonic because i thought that was what their cc’s said, and i thought they had said that they were uncomfortable with ppl shipping the characters. But ive seen a lot of posts that say their relationship is canonically romantic? and i absolutely do not want to come across as homophobic by watering down a mlm relationship to just friends because that happens so much in media so.

what is the canon state of their relationship / ur opinions on the platonic thibg

dont worry abt answering if u dont want to!! i see a lot of differing opinions and i trust yours :)

aw it’s totally fine, im flattered you asked me about this!

let me put it simply: it’s a whole mess, lol.

first im going to talk about what’s happened fandom-wide that caused differing opinions, and then i’ll explain my own opinion/interpretation. :]

(this got really fucking long im so sorry)

ranboo and tubbo initially proclaimed the relationship was romantic, specifically in argument with the wiki editors who had set it as platonic by default. (you can see this in the vod where they decide they’re canonically married— it’s very funny. chat tells them the marriage is already on the wiki, they check, tubbo is jokingly offended that it says platonic and asks if he needs to up the romance).

tubbo also makes jokes about adultry, which sort of implies the relationship is not necessarily a platonic one.

(theres definetly more in that stream alone but it’s been a long time since i watched it so i don’t remember a lot of it.)

the wiki, because of this, suffers from going back and forth on platonic and romantic, seemingly unsure where the joke ends and the canon begins, or if its canonically a joke! a mess, as you can already tell.

this gets more complicated as the marriage bit goes on: outsiders, such as phil and scott, both at one point say “platonic marriage”, which then ranboo and tubbo agree with. however, when chat asks them if they’re platonic, they say the opposite. so there is a lot of confusion there.

there’s also the difficulty of being able to tell streamers and characters apart. ranboo and tubbo both don’t like being shipped irl, and that’s their boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. (they’re also minors, but tbh when they’re 18 in a year i will still be following their boundaries regardless of their legal age).

due to people not wanting to be accused of minor shipping, they started adding the platonic tone indicator to most of their drawings— basically a way of saying “no homo”. meanwhile, tubbo frequently on stream flirts with ranboo and makes quite a bit of nsfw comments towards him that are frankly hilarious.

this goes on for a while with nobody really sure what’s canon, but a lot of people assuming it’s probably platonic, until: the drama of the mods night. a few mods dmed all the wiki editors telling them ranboo wanted his canon character relationship officially set to platonic.

unfortunately for those mods; the very same day, a few hours later, ranboo on stream makes fun of puffy delivering him and tubbo “friendship flowers”. because, and i quote, “bruh. we’re literally married. this must be how the ancient greeks felt.”

in case you don’t know, the internet often jokes about how historians will call ancient greeks ‘very good friends’ when they are quite obviously gay. so in this context, ranboo is joking that people will call him and c!tubbo, who are married, “close friends”, when he doesn’t think they are.

basically, ranboo canonized romantic bee duo, the very same day the mods told everyone he’d wanted a platonic one.

chaos and drama immediately erupted everywhere. on tumblr, we were talking about how weird it was of his mods to do something like that without asking him first. we ALSO talked about how weird it was of them to assume that ranboo can’t make his own decisions, or assume teenagers cannot be in relationships without it being sexual. twitter did the same thing but in the opposite direction: called ranboo mods homophobic, or said they were mad ranboo felt pressured into making a romantic relationship canon ‘just so people could have mlm rep.’

i dont want to go into detail about the drama that happened that night because apparently official people follow me and i dont want to stir it up or have them come “clarify” things. im just saying what we talked about.

ranboo in typical ranboo fashion apologized quickly and seriously. he was deeply sorry for possibly offending anyone with how he’d portrayed his rp relationship with tubbo, and he also assured everyone the mod thing was just a miscommunication.

he said he would talk to tubbo and they’d decide once and for all whether it was platonic or romantic, and then announce so everyone would know.

it’s now been a few months and we've had no word from them on that development. we still have no clue.

now, here’s my opinion:

i want to take ranboos word for it that it was a miscommunication with his mods, but... we had it on good authority from people on the wiki team and people in the discord with the mods that (while it was happening) they were really going after the wiki admins, and also made some weird comments about it. that combined with the way ranboo seemingly had no clue (considering he canonized their romance that very same day).... it’s very. sus of the mods.

then there’s the canon we’ve got since then. although occasionally adults in the room have called it a “platonic marriage” and tubbo once (back when it first started) called it a “plankton tectonic” marriage, in roleplay it’s been... kind of not that. tubbo and ranboo make nsfw jokes about each other in character, and their characters also share a master bedroom and bed in the mansion. there's also the way c!tommy really thinks it’s a romance between them as well, and they agree with and play off that— for instance confirming that they “fell in love” when he asked, or ranboo confirming that they “make out on occasion”.

people will still put platonic on their art and posts, imo, because they’re worried about breaking ranboo and tubbo’s irl boundaries by looking like they ship them. or even just being accused of shipping real life minors. and that’s a valid fear to have.

the thing is though: c!bee duo are not cc!bee duo. they’re roleplay characters. cc!bee duo are not okay with being shipped, but they made their characters get canonically married, and call each other “husbands”. so it’s okay to write the word “husband” in your comic without adding “platonic” to it, i promise.

telling the ccs that their characters have to be platonic is... weird. it comes off as not only babying them, but also as saying teens can’t date without it being gross. which isn’t true.

(this is why seeing people overuse “platonic husband” so much bothers me. like, they ARE husbands. you can just say it. what are you trying to hide...?)

do i think they’re canonically romantic? ehh, its likely. it’s still okay to interpret them as platonic, because again, it’s hard to tell where jokes end and roleplay begins. like, maybe it’s jokes in the rp too, and c!bee duo are just friends. friends can and should be allowed to make jokes like that with each other! aro & ace marriages exist!

or, maybe it’s actually part of the rp, and they’re very much romantic. we don’t know!

some people say they could be a qpr (queerplatonic romance), which i could see. (a qpr is a relationship that fluctuates between, or can’t quite be sorted into, “romantic” and “platonic”. people in a qpr can do romantic things while having platonic feelings for each other). in my opinion this is a very valid interpretation as well!

CONCLUSION (sorry this got so long omfg):

are c!bee duo romantic?

its likely, but you can still interpret them however you like!

should i put /p on bee duo content?

ehhh? i find it annoying when it’s overused (as do others), but if you’re worried you can. its up to preference. putting it too much is weird though

should i put /p on things cc! bee duo do?

no. you’re not the one saying it so you can’t decide the tone tags for that. imagine you said something to your friend and a random stranger came up and was like “haha but that was /p right...?”

can i ship c!bee duo?

mmm. i’m not sure on this one. they are canonically married and very flirtatious, but the ccs don’t like being shipped and they’re close enough to being the ccs that actively shipping might be against boundaries.

can i treat c!bee duo as romantic?

yes. literally just don’t be weird about it. it’s not that hard! you can understand that two characters are husbands without making it weird

here’s the most important thing: boundaries. cc bee duo still haven’t told us what their preferences and canon is about this whole thing.

right now, i am assuming based on what they already show us they’re comfortable with, but! the second they give us any more info! all these opinions will change!

i am only going off what they do. i would never want to cross boundaries at all. i just wish they would make theirs a little more clear.

..... i hope that helped anon, i went way off the rails... i need to go to sleep.

#it’s late im so sorry for how much i rambled and wrote #i hope this helps you #bee duo #og post #there’s probably so many spelling errors i need to go to bed #i tried to fix some spelling so reblog this one ig #and not the old one

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spiltscribbles · 4 years ago

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How would you do a wolfstar fic based on the way I loved you by taylor swift? from remus' pov :)

~Notes: OMFG Nonny! I need you to understand that this ask threw me back to my Twilight days when I’d watch endless edits of Bella/Edward and this particular one with this song where for some reason Edward was both guys lksajghdsfjoieagh God what a time😂 So thank you and here’s a HC of how’d I write it becs I sorta hate all my writing rn rip fklsdghasdgh But JFC it got so fucking long!!! I’M SO SORRY!

So It would be a muggle AU, non linear sort of thing where you’d see Lily and Remus just hanging out in his house on boxing day of their sixth year. And they’re shuffling through photos of themselves and friends at Hogwarts. And Remus kind of just stops at this one, particular photo from second semester of last year, when he and Sirius were still going out.

James and Lily are in the background smiling straight on the camera, but the focus is mostly where Remus and Sirius are completely oblivious to the photo, and it’s obvious that Sirius is trying to drag him onto his lap, and Remus’s head is thrown back in laughter, and Sirius is looking at him in that grossly besotted way that softens his gorgeously angular features, and it’s just an absolute deluge of emotions for Remus.

So flashback

They first met when the marauders were auspiciously roomed together as young lads in Hogwarts, and Remus grew up in a quiet coastal town in the north of Wales where everyone knew everyone, and English was actually the second language, and to put it simply, being thrown into that space with the chaotic duo that are James and Sirius was a culture shock. Even Peter— who’s plummy and who comes from a fine, upper middle class family and is at least familiar with them in the way that the patrician always are aware of one another. So Remus automatically felt like the odd boy out.

But that night, when he wakes up because he misses his Mam and Da, he finds the tallest boy— the one with striking pale eyes and an air of superiority that kind of got on Remus’s nerves, sitting on the windowsill and up at the stars— his namesake in particular. And so Remus joins him and tells him the love story of the moon and the sun that was his Mam’s favorite and it’s the first time they feel something neither of them know the name for quite yet.

Throughout the subsequent years the marauders grow as close as family, a brotherhood of sorts. But they all know there are different manifestations of friendships within them. There’s Sirius and James who are the boisterous, bombastic ones that always seek the spotlight, and who can finish each others sentences and who cheer one each other along when it comes to their rowdiest of pranks. There’s Peter who’s always been intimidated by Sirius, and thankful for James’s friendship and comfortable with Remus because he’s the only one who never teased him. Then there’s James and Remus where they’ve always been impressed by one another, James because he knows Remus comes from humble beginnings and is bright in the way he works for everything he has and it’s never doubted he deserves it. And Remus is impressed over how much and how deeply James loves and cares about his chosen people, how he can inspire a crowd so effortlessly. But then, probably most peculiarly to Remus is his relationship with Sirius.

He doesn’t mean to sound rude or ungrateful, but his string to Sirius is a relationship that absolutely eclipses all the others. It’s quiet in it’s intensity, but persistent like a heartbeat. It’s nights they spend trading stories by moonlight, and afternoons quizzing each other by the fire even though Sirius has always been naturally brilliant and Remus knows he’s just humoring him, but doesn’t call him on it because he hates the thought of it ending. It’s also evenings when James is at extra footie practice that Sirius teases him for, and Peter’s at chess club, and it’s just the pair of them, existing in each others space, doing whatever they want because it’s enough just to have the other there.

Remus is confused in third year when Sirius got especially pissy because Remus began hanging out more and more with the girl James has always targeted to being a know-it-all. And Remus was cross right back because they don’t even know Lily, and she’s a nice girl, and the only other Northerner like him in their entire year, and Sirius has no reason to be cross at him making a friend outside the marauders.

But then he got even MORE confused when Sirius asked him if he liked her. And Remus literally laughed out loud, which made Sirius scrunch his face sourly which just looked funny because his features are far too gorgeous to be put in such a nasty expression. And it’s nearly five minutes later when he catches his breath and tells Sirius that he and Lily are just friends and only friends. Comparing her to a sister, which became truth in the following years.

And it’s like a snap of the fingers when Sirius immediately smoothes out his face and grins cockily once more, and makes Remus promise that they don’t date any girls unless the others all approve. And Remus isn’t sure why Sirius’s intense focus on his love life makes something peculiar unfurl in his gut but he ignores it and shakes Sirius’s still too large hand— like a puppy needing to grow into his palms. And then they write up a contract and make James and Peter sign along with them in the codenames they came up with last year. Prongs for James because his hair is something gravity defying, Wormtail for Peter because of his pet rat, Padfoot for Sirius because of him asking sodding Minerva McGonagall— their head of house— if she was on her time of the month— as a first year when she gave him and James three weeks detention for a crude prank. And Moony for Remus who constantly got lost in his books and in his daydreams that it takes the others multiple times calling his name for him to be brought back to earth.

Remus kept the contract in his lovage, but never bothered to pull it out fourth year when Sirius suddenly became very, very aware of his good looks, and high social standing, and how any girl attracted to men would chew off her own leg to get a date with him— well save for the possibly only exception that is Lily Evans. And Remus had to just deal with it, and he did. He didn’t know why Sirius and his frequent, but short lasting flings got under his skin so thoroughly. It’s not like he’s annoyed over Peter and his girlfriend Eloise or how James is still going out with a couple different girls even though he’s near constantly flirting with Lily. And it’s not like the ones Sirius decides to go out with are annoying or anything. He really likes most of them. Like Marlene is absolutely hilarious, and Maci has the same world history class with Remus so they studied together a lot. And the rest have perfectly fine attitudes. It’s just— It’s just Sirius begins sleeping more often through the night instead of swapping stories with Remus, and isn’t readily available for whenever Remus needs to take a walk in the woods because he’s becoming full of anxiety over just about everything, and it’s just— He just misses Sirius a lot.

And Remus thinks he’s an idiot because why the fuck does he feel so territorial towards one of his best friends? Why doesn’t he act this way towards James or Peter or even Lily. He doesn’t ever feel this ridiculous, clawing emotion. Something he only calls by name, jealousy, when it’s late and quiet and he’s all alone. And Remus panics because he has no idea what this means, what or why he feels this way. Because he’s not a poof?? Is he? It’s not like he’s ever been especially interested in girls or their knickers, and if the other fifteen year old boys around him is anything to go by, that’s odd. But it’s not as if he’s especially interested in any other blokes either— anyone besides Sirius. Sirius and his artfully tousled black hair that tumbles down the nape of his neck and just a couple inches above his shoulders. and his piercing eyes that always seem as if they can look right into Remus’s soul and sift through all his points of diffidence. Sirius who’s always been there for Remus in ways Remus never even expected, even knew how to ask for. The boy who brings him hot chocolate on days his migraines are especially awful, and who always begs the Matron to stay over on the nights Remus is just forced to stay in the hospital wing when he has a flare up, and who always knows to ask the caretaker for a spare blanket at the start of every term because he knows Remus is always cold but would never dare ask himself. And God, just why does it have to be Sirius!

Strangely enough, it’s Sirius who answers the question in a non direct sort of way at the end of their fourth year when Remus asks him why he broke up with Isidora so publicly and a bit callously while they’re sitting on the balcony of the astronomy tower, trading their flask of gin that Sirius snuck away from his parent’s house over easter, staring down at the grounds and the lake and it’s a beautiful night, and Remus only sorta feels it how his heart twists while Sirius sits so close. And once the question spills out his lips, Sirius peers down at him in a very subdued, very weighty sort of way and he simply says, “she’s not you Moons.”

And it’s like Remus’s heart just freezes, refuses to continue beating with the shock, with the somber words spoken without an ounce of humor. And part of him is just waiting for the joke, for the other shoe to drop. He’s just waiting for the overdone hand to his chest, and lips pretending to pucker for a smooch. He’s waiting for the ground to return but Sirius doesn’t move, and maybe this means that this is real, that it isn’t just in Remus’s head. so all he says is a simple, “oh” and the next thing he knows is that Sirius kisses him right then and there, and it’s beginning to shower from above, and the kiss is a bit hard for his liking— more teeth than lips and a tongue that slips in with fervor— but Remus wouldn’t stop it for all the money in the world. Wouldn’t ever let go of his grip on Sirius’s broad shoulders, or move away from where Sirius’s arms are snaking around his narrow waste. Would pay anything just to constantly feel the weight of Sirius over him like this for forever.

He doesn’t know for how long they lied their in the pouring rain, just exchanging slow, lingering snogs, and tender touches that feel like a thousand flames. But Remus probably should’ve expected that the next morning, while they’re all preparing to board the train, Sirius doesn’t catch his eye or ever really speak to him. And that’s fine. Remus has been questioning his sexuality for a while now. Maybe Sirius is just confused or just nervous because they’ve been friends for so long. So he doesn’t mind. Ends up splitting his time on the train with the boys and with Lily and it’s all alright. When he gets home, he types Sirius a letter explaining to him that it’s fine, that they can take things slow, that they don’t have to call it anything yet, and he toys with that patch on his neck that’s still purple from Sirius’s mouth and he’s actually elated with the idea of it.

Sirius doesn’t answer the email

And he doesn’t answer the one after that either, or the ones that follow. And Remus eventually takes the hint when he gets a email from Peter who’s holidaying in France and asks Remus how hard he laughed from Sirius’s story about how he nearly pulled the mum of the latest London bird he’s shagging that he wrote them about. And Remus is equal parts embarrassed and self rebuking. Because he’s such an idiot, Sirius was probably annoyed from his constant emails like he’s some jilted ex lover, like the girls he pulls along. And Remus is really a fucking idiot. So he rings Lily and they meet at a pub that’s equidistant from both of them, and he didn’t have to tell her what happened because she’s really just a genius, so they drink the night away and he swears off love and she swears to kick James in the Bollocks at least once this year, and it’s the first time all summer Remus laughed.

By the time they got to fifth year, Remus had ranted enough to Lily that he was over it— well erm, mostly at least. It still hurt like nothing else when he first spotted Sirius on the train, looking taller and leaner and tanner and just sexier as all get out. ANd it makes something ugly twist in his gut, laughing at himself over thinking that a practical demigod would be interested in someone who prefers books to most people and who has to wear charity shop clothes when he’s not in his school uniform and just— He’s an idiot. So when Sirius steps into the cart with Remus, James and Peter, and his look of contrition tosses to Remus a beat passes. And it’s quickly willed away when Remus just smiles warmly, tries to silently tell him not to worry about it, and asks out loud if he’d like a chocolate frog.

And it’s normal, it’s fine, the first weeks of term are typical as ever for the boys. They commit pranks on the creepy wankers like Snape and Avery. And they laugh at James’s latest failed attempt to woo Lily. And they spend all nighters in the library and celebrate with pickup games of footie. And it’s pretty bloody brilliant, but then Sirius’s birthday hits, and they plan a surprise for him on the astronomy tower in the middle of the night, filled with food and drinks and friends. ANd Remus gets the key as prefect, and Peter sneaks in the booze with his free afternoon off and James make sure that everyone they like is there to celebrate the greatest git they all know. And Sirius is so, so happy when he sees it. Wich of course he is, Remus knows how difficult his parents are, how lonely he can get over the breaks without the lads. So he’s so, so happy to see that look of mirth twinkling in Sirius’s pale eyes, and he does everything he can to make it so Sirius is laughing all night long.

But towards the end, no matter how much he wants to make it the best night for Sirius, he just has to get away from the sight of Sirius dancing obscenely with Florence Whittemore. Because he doesn’t have to be a damn martyr.

He goes to a private nook on the rooftop, and pulls out the pre-rolled spliff to light up, only sorta surprised when Sirius makes his way to him— far away from the crowd and away from the music. And he plops down on the step right under his, obviously loaded and smiling like the sun, crooning “Moony,” over and over again and Remus can only dimple down indulgently at him, carding his hand through Sirius’s hair gently, spurred on by the drinks and the weed and just by that quiet, unassuming love he has held for him like a torch all these years.

“Did you wear my favorite sweater on purpose?” Sirius asks, a bit slurred, tilting his head so it rests on Remus’s shoulder and he can feel the tendrils of his warm breath brushing against his neck, and Remus suddenly feels like he’s on fire again.

And he looks down at the green sweater he’s got on, a gift from his Mam for his fifteenth last year and the one that he was wearing the first night Sirius kissed him. So, yeah maybe Remus wore it subconsciously precisely because of that. But he’d never tell him.

And neither of them could say who leaned forward first, but they were kissing again and it still feels like everything splendid and like Remus’s mind is melting right out of his head and it’s so fucking miraculous.

But then they hear a coughing and they spring apart in panic, only to meet Lily’s shrewd, green eyes and she’s glaring at Sirius like she could scorch a whole right through him. And she tells them that there’s a Filch sighting and they need to get to the dorms pronto.

Sirius scrambles up, looking at them panicky like he doesn’t know what to say, but then Remus tells him to hurry along because he and Lily—as Prefects— are the only ones who won’t get in trouble for being out. And Sirius looks at Remus like there’s a thousand things he’d like to say, but nods soberly and sprints away, and Remus is objected to Lily’s silent, judgmental worrying for their entire track back downstairs.

Remus isn’t surprised when Sirius tells them all that he’s dating Florence now over breakfast, and Peter gazes at him in aw at pulling the fittest girl in their year, and James claps his back hardily and talks about the double dates they can go on now since he’s still dating Jeanette. As if James isn’t glancing back at Lily even as he’s speaking it, and as if Sirius isn’t peering over apologetically to Remus as if there was ever anything between them.

However, what does surprise Remus is when late that night, Sirius pads over to his bed in the middle of the night like they haven’t done since they were both 14, and they’re lying down, not looking at each other before Sirius kisses him again and Remus lets himself enjoy it, let himself melt into him. But then he remembers the pretty blonde girl who he’s actually dating and it hurts like nothing else when he tells him the next night when Sirius makes the same track to his bed that they can’t do anything because they’re going to ruin their friendship and he has a girlfriend and Remus just can’t. So Sirius nods, tells him he’s always been the best of them, and kisses his forehead before returning to his own bed. And Remus silently refutes the comment because he hates not letting himself even get the scraps.

So Sirius dates Florence for the next month or so, and Remus puts up with it because of course he does. Because if it’s Sirius’s friendship or nothing at all, he’d always pick the former. Would always want Sirius to be with him in anyway possible. But then over winter break he officially runaways from his barmy ancestral home and goes off to James’s house in the countryside. And he texts Remus, begging him to come visit for New Year’s Eve. So Remus does, even gets Lily to tag along.

And once they get there, Sirius just smacks a big one on him in front of literally a whole house of people— including James and James’s Parents and all the Potters’ friends— and he tells him that he loves him and that he doesn’t want to pretend they’re only friends anymore, and Remus is blushing and grinning, and he thinks that Sirius is the maddest bloke he knows and he loves him to.

And it’s good between them, it’s remarkable. Sirius is passionate about every aspect in his life so it’s no surprise how remarkable of a boyfriend he is, how his every splendid gesture is large and vivacious and vibrant in ways Remus can’t even describe.

But the thing is that Remus is just simply not like that, has never been loud or commanding a presence. When he’s the leader of something like a prank execution or a school project, he prefers to get input from the others, make them think they did an equal amount of work even if Remus was the one behind it all. He’s always been reserved, quiet. And it’s not that he’s shy, it’s just he doesn’t ever see a reason to make a big show out of everything. And Sirius has known him for over half a decade now, so Remus assumes that he gets it.

But then it’s apparent that sometimes he doesn’t think that Remus loves him as much— which is so bloody bonkers Remus can’t even fathom it. or he thinks that Remus is just going with the motions, dating Sirius just because Sirius asked him too. And that gets Remus mad, absolutely fucking furious. The idea that Sirius can doubt his emotions like that.

“Get your cocky head out your arse and think about how not everyone has to be as ruddy loud as you are.” Remus had yelled one night in the common room in early February when Sirius tried giving him a ridiculous teddy bear holding a heart as if he’s an actual sodding bird and he refused it and Sirius got tetchy. But then Sirius had laughed like the mad man he is and then snogged him within an inch of his life and Remus thinks he got his point across.

Their one, really huge blow out, is on Remus’s birthday when he gets to his birthday dinner with his parents who came up to celebrate. And Sirius was visibly, painfully drunk and he spluttered the whole three hours and Remus was secretly thankful that his parents only thought he was a friend and not his sodding boyfriend and by the time they got to the dorm Remus had shouted, really fucking shouted at him. Had screamed things that he would regret just as soon as they came out. But it was ridiculous and Sirius could be such an arse sometimes. And Sirius had yelled back about how fucking stuffy Remus is about everything and claiming that they didn��t even notice and who the fuck cares. And Remus was shaking so hard, grabbed his pillow and blankets to sleep in the common room instead.

But of course, he knew that Sirius would follow him, that Sirius always prodded whenever Remus wanted to just runaway, that he could never leave well enough alone. And they argue again but it quickly became them rutting up against each other in the middle of the night, atop the sofa where anyone could walk down an catch them an Remus didn’t care, just needed to feel Sirius, feel him all over.

Remus only found out the next day by a red faced and quiet Sirius that he was nervous, that he didn’t mean to get so sloshed but he’s already failed with his parents and he didn’t want Remus’s to know how much of a fucking screw up he is and Remus just kissed him gently and called him an idiot and they never spoke about it again.

A few weeks later, Sirius goes off to holiday with the Potters on the Moroccan coast and Remus was only sorta jealous, but he understood that Sirius has always starved for a family, a real family, and that this is good for him. And the Potters are lovely people, and nearly as wealthy as the Blacks— well erm, as close as can be possible for ordinary folks. And James is Sirius’s brother in all but blood. Of course Sirius wouldn’t want to spend the week in Remus’s sleepy hometown with his bookish father and somewhat smothering Mam. But then he gets a call at two in the morning— so three in the morning by them— and It’s a pissed Sirius screaming into the phone over the music of some club and Remus hears a girl’s voice crowing his name and he hangs up in the middle fo Sirius trying to tell him some story about a boat or llama or what the fuck ever. And then Sirius storms to their shared dormitory when they all got back, yelling at Remus for not answering his calls for the rest of the week, and then Remus screamed back that he didn’t want to keep him from his haram of girls. And Sirius snarled out that he didn’t kiss or even bloody flirt with any of them and that Remus needs to start trusting him or pull that stick out his ass. And Remus was just so taken aback he had no idea what to say, so he just shook his head, discarded words and pounced on him for them to snog instead— James and Peter rolling their eyes as they slowly exited the room.

And there entire relationship is a bit like that, firecrackers that simmer to something tender because their foundation has always been the purest, most important friendship and even though the sex is fucking miraculous and mind-blowing and maddeningly delicious, they’ll always be friends.

So that’s why Remus gets so angry that Sirius is acting so blasé when Snape finds out about them and threatens to tell the whole school. “It’s not a big deal Moons, practically everyone who isn’t an idiot already knows.”

And Remus swears he saw red, felt his blood pressure pulse. “Well my parents don’t know, and I’d rather be the one to tell them instead of them hearing it from the gossip mill from one of the other students parents!”

And Sirius’s expression got very stoney right then, his shoulders drawn back and brows furrowed. “So what? You’re ashamed that you’re dating a bloke? Or a bloke who’s own parents didn’t want him?”

And Remus is so fucking gobsmacked, so disbelieving that this is still such a point of sensitivity for him. That he still isn’t quite comprehensive just how much and how thoroughly and how desperately Remus loves him, and all that comes out is “You’re a bloody pillock.” And Sirius doesn’t give him enough time to explain himself and before he knows it they’re on the train home and Sirius isn’t even talking to him and he’s home in Wales once more.

He tries messaging Sirius all summer long, tries explaining himself. He even tells his parents that he’s as gay as the day is long, and they were so supportive that it gave him hope. But then Remus goes to Lily’s house one night for a movie, and her phone pins with a snap notification from James, and she tells him to open it for her while she tries pulling out the biscuits from the oven, and Remus Sees a dorky looking James, a London night club’s logo on the bottom of the filter and it’s all innocent until he really looks and he sees Sirius— clear as day, and he’s kissing another bloke. A blonde, good looking bloke that Remus could never be and one that Sirius deserves. And he feels so empty, so exhausted, so tired of it all as he numbly hands it over to a anxious looking Lily.

And Remus decides right then that he and Sirius really need to end this.

They need to cut all the strings of this ill-fated romance, because they’re both too volatile and too sporadic. They can’t risk their friendship over this. Remus can’t lose Sirius just because Remus never deserved him as a boyfriend.

So when they get back to classes for their sixth year, Remus pretends nothing had ever happened between them.

He acts cordial, and companionable and like the friend he was to Sirius before he let his bloody emotions get in the way. And Sirius is suspicious but cautious and sometimes he looks like he does when he wanted to kiss him, so Remus would have to race off and he’d stay out late as possible in the library so to get back to their room after they’ve all fallen asleep. And he’s thankful he does the one time he finds that Sirius had ended up falling asleep in Remus’s bed while waiting up for him.

On one of those nights out to the library he begins speaking with Ezra.

Ezra is a prefect also, and he’s a year above them in classes so he gladly helps Remus with the questions he has for the course work. He’s extremely handsome, and Remus doesn’t feel so guilty when he recognizes the fact. He’s got brown hair numerous shades darker from Remus’s tawny color, and he’s got very lovely green eyes and he smiles at Remus shyly. So it’s not a surprise when he kisses him softly for the first time in early October, and it’s nice. It’s not fire licking up his insides like Sirius’s kisses are, but it’s sweet. And he’s sweet.

They go out on casual dates to the city on allotted weekends and they drink coco by the fire. He tells Remus about growing up right outside Edinburgh and Remus tells him about the sea glass his Mam taught him to find by the ocean, and his collection of shells and his favorite peer to watch the sunset and Ezra listens like he is so very interested. And They’re a quiet pair, even the first time he gives Remus a blow job behind the greenhouses. And it’s good, because it’s fucking sex of course its good. But he doesn’t know how to use his tongue like Sirius learned how, or how to squeeze just a bit too tightly around his shaft when he’s lapping the head. But it’s not Ezra’s fault. Sirius and Remus had plenty of practice, the one thing they did more than laugh or argue was fuck. And that’s because it was always fun, always good. They stumbled through it together and learned what they liked and what they didn’t and how amazing it felt whenever they were intwined like that— When Sirius was on top of him, underneath him, deep inside of him and all around him.

But that’s not a fair comparison. Sirius has always excelled in everything, has always been a supernova. And Remus needs to learn how to be his friend again, and stop remembering all those times between the sheets or hidden behind the greenhouses or sometimes even in closets between classes.

And they’re getting there. Sirius has stopped trying to wait up for him, and he laughs at his jokes easily again. He doesn’t touch Remus, not really, not ever. And he looks like a flicker has been blown out behind his disarmingly handsome face, but they’re getting closer.

And Ezra is great, Ezra is so amazing. He’s sweet and he texts Remus a good night and good morning message every day. He walks him to class and they kiss softly goodbye. He buys Remus cherry filled brownies even tho that’s possibly the one type of chocolate he doesn’t like. But he eats them anyways because he knows they’re expensive. And he steadfastly ignores the box of his favorite caramel ones that are left on his bed the morning after Ezra got them for him.

And when Ezra comes over their house for Christmas he’s perfect in front of his parents. He complements the dinner Lyall made and how lovely Hope’s necklace is. And he gets along seamlessly with Lily when they met up nearly every night to go out to the tree in the center of her hometown or ice skating or to take pictures by the lights.

But when he leaves, Remus just feels empty. He stays up all night thinking about it, about why he can’t love Ezra the way he loved— the way he’s always loved and continues to love Sirius. How he will forever love Sirius. And he ends up cursing Sirius’s name a thousand times over throughout the span of one night.

And it’s back to the start of the story with Remus and Lily lounging in his living room and looking at the photo and Remus feels his eyes watering and Lily kissing his cheek while silently handing him his phone.

They exchange a smile.

And Remus decides he’ll talk to Ezra in person, explain how he’s a great guy and how lucky Remus was to be with him. But now— well now he needs to slide open his phone because he can hardly breathe anymore.

And when he hears Sirius’s familiar, golden baritone answering tentatively, “Hiya Moons.”

And Remus swallows down the emotion in his throat, and he just loves him so much.

“Can you drive up here? Preferably not with the bike.”

“James’s Dad left us his car.” Sirius retorts, and Remus can hear the smile in his voice. “But, are you sure?”

And Remus wants to scream it to the clouds and the ocean and the mountain tops that of course he is, that this— the emotions he has for Sirius, the way he loves him— is the one sure thing in his life.

“I love you Pads.”

A silence beats between them before he hears Sirius answer back, buoyant and vivid and so much him that it aches.

“I love you to Moony. I love you so much.”

#WOLFSTAR #REMUS LUPIN #SIRIUS BLACK #MARAUDERS #HARRY POTTER SERIES #HEADCANONS #HEADCANONS BY LEN #SPILT INK #this is so fucking long #holy shite #i'm sorry Nonny #!!!

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itsthwippingtime · 5 years ago

Text

so on Thanksgiving i saw Frozen 2 and it was AMAZING and I've only just now had the time and energy to finish my thoughts on the movie and share it with y'all so here it is. Disclaimer: Sorry for how long it is

!!!!! MAJOR FROZEN 2 SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!!!!!!

first, baby anna and elsa???? I’m dead

thjkhsdhjk the story they came up with is literally how every child played with barbie dolls and doll houses

(children are so dramatic also why did we all have the same childhood)

oooh mystery about the past

their dad is so dramatic now i know where Anna and Elsa get it from

four spirits: Earth Wind Air Water how original

(everything changed when the fire nation attacked)

(okay but while their dad was telling the story about the northedral (???) i was totaling believing this is where Elsa got her powers from)

THEIR DAD WAS SAVED BY THE VOICE

(but Elsa was born with powers so her mom is totally magical)

where the nORTH WIND MEEEEETS THE SEEEAAAAA

i love their mom omg i love this song also

(okay but at this point i was like??? did their mom save their dad)

ELSA IN PURPLE I LOVE HER

Elsa being startled and sticking herself to the railing with ice is comedic gold

ANNA’S HAIR I LOVE IT

why is Olaf’s never-ending existential crisis the most relatable thing in this movie

also i love this song about things never changing

hi the line about a stone wall never falling??? FORESHADOWING

KRISTOFF LOVES HER I LOVE HIM HE IS SO PURE

HE HAS A RING

Elsa singing about being afraid of change but seizing the day?? CHARACTER GROWTH

Arendelle flag will always fly??? FORESHADOWING

family game night??? i fucking love it

Olaf shouldn’t be allowed to play charades that way Anna is right

but Olaf imitating Elsa??? iconic

Elsa playing charades is me playing charades

THE VOICE

TELL ANNA ELSA

oooh Kristof honey don’t,, don’t do it like that,,, honey

if Elsa is comforted by their mom’s scarf where was their mom’s scarf in the first movie??

Anna singing Elsa to sleep????? so pure

THE VOICE (AGAIN!)

INTO THE UNKNOOOOOWWWWWWWN

i love this song

‘Everyone I’ve ever loved is here within these walls’ so she loves Kristof???? good me too

where does Kristof sleep?

THE SPIRITS!!! HER ICE IS SHOWING HER THE SPIRITS RIGHT????

oh its the part with the ice suspended in air from the trailer

EARTH AIR FIRE AND WATER

so um the fire went out and its windy and they’re going to the cliffs???? okay???

ummm Elsa did you awake the spirits on purpose??? did you know what you were doing?? you never said it was an accident????

Elsa you cant go alone you’re team has to go with you or else its not much of a movie now is it Elsa. don’t be selfish share some screen time

i just love their outfits so much i want to be a princess in Norway please and thanks

Olaf and his fun facts are literally me

ELSA’S ICE CASTLE THERE SHE IS i wonder if they ever go there. is it a vacation home

water has memory FORESHADOWING

‘Elsa and Olaf are asleep,,, whatcha wanna do?’ UM WHAT

’Sven, keep us steady’ UMMMMM WHAT

THIS IS A PG MOVIE I WAS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE NEXT TO MY TEN YEAR OLD COUSIN THANKS DISNEY

oh Kristof honey

oh no Anna he didnt mean it like that

Kristof stop just stop

ooooh the voice is back

‘Kristof stop’ ‘Good idea’ I’m dead

i don’t really remember what happens in between them stopping and them finding the mist if anything but THE MIST

oooh they’re locked in. nice

okay so wind. thats fun.

the wind spirit is v smart because she knows which one is Elsa

her name is Gale and i love her

hello water has memory

their father being saved by a young girl??? it’s their mom

okay so the northuldra (i googled it) begin to attack? or advance at least

ARENDELLE GUARDS

okay but lieutenant whats his name can get it

they’re frenemies

Olaf’s recap of the first Frozen is comedic gold i want him and Luis from Ant-Man to get together

i don’t really remember what happens at this part but: Elsa and Anna learn that their mom saved their dad (CALLED IT), their mom is northuldra (KINDA CALLED IT) and everyones been trapped in the mist since their grandfather was killed

(which that story is fishy but i don’t think king Elsa & Anna’s dad would lie so????)

OH WAIT FIRE SPIRIT HAPPENED BEFORE ELSA AND ANNA LEARNED ABOUT THEIR MOM

AND OLAF’S SONG OMG

samantha?

(that part was so simple yet so funny omfg)

olaf: “this will all make sense when i am older” all the adults in the room: :/

also notice how Elsa is mindful enough to keep the fire spirit away from the northuldra’s homes??? like i love her???

I LOVE HIM i think his name is Brunie but i don’t know how the people at the Disney Store came to that conclusion

oh also Kristof and Sven run in to save the reindeer but Anna is only worried about Elsa??? idk maybe she knows Kristof can take care of himself and knows that Kristof knows when it becomes too dangerous but Elsa is going to try to stop the threat until she physically can’t and at that point it may be too late okay i get it

(okay but if they’ve been trapped and nothing can get in or out what do they eat??? like theres a lot more northuldra than arendelle guards so do they have designated areas they’re allowed to go in?? what do they do with the people who died?? probably bury them)

(also some if them are born in there and they’ve been in for decades so a generation maybe the beginning of the next one but how many of them are related????)

Kristof has a new friend and I’m so glad they’re not fighting over Anna

(take that toxic masculinity)

HES GONNA HELP HIM PROPOSE I LOVE IT

Reindeers are better than people (cont’d.)

the following are my favorite parts/lines from Lost In The Woods

that guitar riff (?) at the very beginning? sexy

“you had to go and of course its always fine”

because Kristof loves Anna and knows that Anna loves him and they can do different things and still be in love and he doesn’t have to constantly be over her and controlling what she does

(take that toxic masculinity part TWO)

OKAY BUT Kristof saying its fine while simultaneously worrying that he’s losing Anna is absolutely breaking my heart

NORTH IS SOUTH RIGHT IS LEFT WHEN YOU’RE GONE

Kristof: “and i don’t know what path you are on” me: :((((

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WAS A QUESTION OF WHETHER

WHO AM I???? IF IM NOT YOUR GUUUYYY?????

WHERE AM I???? IF WE’RE NOT TOGETHEEEERRRRRRR??????? FOREEEEVVVVVEEEEEERRRRRR

NOW I KNOW YOU’RE MY TRUE NORTH CAUSE I AM LOST IN THE WOODS

UP IS DOWN DAY IS NIGHT WHEN YOU’RE NOT THERE

YOU’RE MY ONLY LANDMARK SO IM LOST IN THE WOODS

WONDERING IF YOU STILL CARE

BUT ILL WAIT FOR A SIGN

(FOR A SIGN)

(peep the Queen reference)

THAT I’M YOUR PATH CAUSE YOU ARE MIN

UNTIL THEN IM LOST IN THE WOODS

this concludes my favorite parts/lines from Lost In The Woods

every time i type Lost In The Woods I wanna type Lost Into The Woods

okay SO

Olaf doing the siren call with Elsa is comedic gold

THEIR PARENTS SHIP OH MY GOD

peep Olaf with that gruesome “maybe there was nobody on board” when they asked how the ship was able to get through the mist

peep Olaf with the “why didn’t they just make the whole ship waterproof”

THEY WERE GOING TO FIND WHERE THE NORTH WIND MEETS THE SEA THE RIVER FILLED WITH MEMORIES

THEY WERE GOING FOR ELSA

WATER HAS MEMORY BITCH

ELSA BBY ITS NOT YOUR FAULT

LISTEN TO ANNA YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR CHOICES

so they go to the river

(low-key thought that was their goal the whole time but its fine)

ELSA!!! ANNA AND OLAF HAVE TO GO WITH YOU WHAT ARE YOU DOING

if Disney doesn’t make the ice-canoe part of the Frozen Ride in Epcot in some way shape or form i will be deeply disappointed

uh oh rock giants

oh waterfall

cave

thats fun

ah Olaf always the optimist

(but where did Anna get flint?)

Anna’s hair??? i love it

oooh Elsa on the beach

she can’t get her shoes or coat wet i understand

PONYTAIL?????

GO BITCH

YAAASSS QUEEN USE THOSE ICE POWERS

oh shit that water horse is trying to drown her

what the fuck he’s actually trying to drown her

AH SHIT ITS ELSA’S WATER HORSE NOW

YAAASSSS BITCH

sdahjhdskjhdsjk

ITS A GLACIER BECAUSE WHY FUCKING NOT

every inch of me is trembling

SHOOWW YOURSELLLF

ELSA HAS A DUET WIHT HER MOMN

IM FINE

ELSASN IS TBHE FIFHT SPRIT

THE BRIDGE

ELSA’S NEW OUTFIT AND HER HAIR I WANT

WATER HAS MEMORY

Elsa destroyed Han’s memory I’m dead

OH SHIT KING RICHARD (Elsa & Anna’s grandfather, i don’t remember his name)

KING RICHARD IS AFRAID YAASSS QUEEN TELL HIM ELSA

WAIT ELSA

GO TO FAR AND YOULL BE DROWNED

ELSA WAIT

oh shit she jumped

OH SHIT SHES COLD BUT THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED HER ANYWAY

OH SHIT KING RICHARD KILLING THAT GUY FOR NO REASON

OH SHIT ELSA’S FROZEN

BUT SHE SHOT OUT ONE LAST ICE THINGY

we now return to this episode of Olaf and Anna Alone In A Dimly Lit Area With A Little Bit Of Fire

YAASSS ANNA GOT THE MESSAGE

BREAK THE DAMN

but Arendelle

OLAF

why isn’t that when Olaf and Anna are alone one of them is always dying

now i understand the no context memes featuring spider-man from Infinity War

okay so you’re telling me that Anna learned that her sister is frozen (pun intended) and Olaf dies in her arm and she still finds the energy to save Arendelle/the forest???

GO ANNA YOU GO GIRL ITS GONNA BE ALRIGHT

DISNEY CAN’T KILL ELSA AND OLAF THEY’D LOOSE TOO MUCH MONEY

oh shit the rock giants

KRISTOF TO THE RESCUE

AND SVEN OF COURSE

WHAT DO YOU NEED I LOVE HIM

THEY BROKE THE DAMN

OH NO ANNA DONT FALL

ANNA GET OUT OF THERE

LIEUTENANT WHATS HIS NAME AND KRISTOF SAVE ANNA TOGETHERDSKJAD

ELSA AND THE WATER HROSE THEY SAVE ARENDELLE SYDJHASDJKFHSDA

the Arendelle citizens literally are so hilarious to me all they know is: the spirits are mad and all the heirs to their thrones went on a dangerous journey to save their kingdom, with no guards to protect them, then a tidal wave comes rushing towards their homes and suddenly their Queen who has always been quiet, modest, and reserved comes riding in on a fucking water horse in a boss ass outfit with her hair down and saves the kingdom. like???? imagine being on that cliff??? and all they do is clap???? I’m so dead

poor Anna :((( but Kristof is doing his best to comfort him like i love him

ELSA GO TO HER ANNA GO

THEY’RE CRYING CAUSE THEYRE SO HAPPY KJDASDHSJKHFJKSAD

ARENDELLE IS SAVED ANNA ITS OKAY

OLAF IS SAVED ANNA ITS OKAY

KRISTOF PROPOSED IN THE DORKIEST WAY BUT ANNA’S REACTION WAS THE CUTEST I LOVE IT

(WATER HAS MEMORY)

ELSA STAYS AND ANNA IS QUEEN

CUT TO ANNA’S CORONATION AND THE NEW STATUE AND THE ENCHANTED FOREST IS ICE NOW AND ELSA HAS A WATER/ICE HORSE AND GALE HELPS ANNA AND ELSA COMMUNICATE AND THE ROCK GIANTS ARE NICE AND BRUNIE IS STILL THE CUTEST AND ANNA AND ELSA STILL HAVE FAMILY GAME NIGHT

(okay but did anyone else find it odd that Elsa didn’t go to Anna’s coronation)

(also the Northudral are just totally fine with living in ice and snow and cold now too??? idk i guess Elsa asked first but whatever its not like they can say much she’s the fifth spirit so)

Olaf wearing clothes has me dead

Anna: tells Kristof she likes him “better in leather” me: when does he wear… leather :O (Anna’s freaky yo)

final thoughts: Amazing movie, the constant shade of Hans was absolute gold, Kristof is so pure, Anna and Elsa’s relationship is so amazing, everyone’s character growth is absolutely amazing

if you read all of this, bless you child I’m so sorry it was so long

#IM SORRY OKAY #thank you for coming to my ted talk #theres so many other things I've missed but i saw it last week and i just #i cant #frozen 2 #frozen 2 spoilers #frozen spoilers

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aliferous-ly · 7 years ago

Text

ya girl back at it again with the headcanon splat of ideas, splabbles if you will

(drabbles, splat, sprabbles, yes? no? i’ll see myself out)

FARMER BOY VIRGIL

yknow analogical is just so good so why not duderinos lez go

yes yes this is strange but hear me out

virgil lives on a farm with his grandparents and two cousins

u guys are v creative im sure you could come up with wonderful people to be them, shorts characters or cartoon therapy characters or ocs

he likes gardening mostly while his cousins take care of animals n stuff

but he does have a pet goat named Anx who he loves dearly, he would die for her tbh

side note on Anx she was a v nervous lil kid and he was the only one who managed to calm her down

she liked the smell of his big hoodie and his hands smell like plants

she lets other people milk her but she heavily heavily prefers virgil, and gets stressed when she doesnt see him for a day or two

he’s 100% ok with this

AGAIN MORE UNDER THE CUT I JUST KNOW ITS GONNA GET LONG

they go to a farmer’s market every saturday morning, it’s 9am to 2pm

they sell fruits from their orchard and veggies from the garden

originally virgil didn’t go at all, he stayed back to ‘watch the farm’ but he really just. freaked out a lot about dealing with people

his gparents understood and so did his cousins, plus then his cousins get more pocket change lollll

(they give virgil some because virgil ~basically~ grew all the veggies and some fruits /raspberries mostly/)

eventually virgil goes, one of his cousins convince him bcuz this one stand has honeycomb and he’s literally obsessed with honey and bees, forever sad their farm doesnt have any (one of his cousins are deeply afraid of bees + allergic, and virgil would never get bees w them so scared)

anyway he goes to the farmers market and mostly sits behind their stand in the back

at one point he works up the courage to go to the honey stand which is like. right next stand

there’s so much honey

so much

they’re all different colors and have different flower labels on them , and there are even some books people can look through, and a tiny brochure almost that has lil facts on bees

he’s in awe he just loves it all so much

anyway he clears his throat and buys some honeycomb from the man behind the counter, who has glasses and a tie and a lil nametag that says “Logan”

Virgil goes back to his stand even though he wants to stay there so bad and read about BEES

he loves BEES

~ fast forward to the next week ~

he goes and its wonderful he buys some acacia honey

to go with his tea

he loves tea

the dude selling it is different tho, he’s wearing sunglasses and a flannel shirt rolled up to the elbows, unbuttoned with a white undershirt virgil’s bidar (get it bisexual gaydar) starts going off

dude has a nametag “Remy” which sounds p cool to virgil’s deviantart oc ears

anyway he slinks back to his fam’s stand

and they teach him how to sell and he realizes it’s . pretty easy, people buying fresh veggies in a farmer’s market are usually not Super Angry

two boys walk by, one wearing a wicked t-shirt and the other with a black t-shirt and a tie

“how much would you give me if I ate a raw radish” wicked t-shirt boy says

“fifty cents” tie boy replies

“that’s it? the radish costs more than that!”

“I’ll buy the radish then”

he buys the radish and virgil links tie boy to bee boy and blurts out “hey, i know you!”

logan blinks at him. “yes i work at the bee stand. this is roman, sometimes he works at the gelato stand.”

logan gives the raw radish to roman and he just. chomp

he spits it out like five seconds later and virgil can’t help laughing, esp because logan’s face is so smug

“fifty cents lost. what a waste”

“stfu”

virgil thinks this is hilarious

~ fast forward again yey ~

time passes and virgil hangs out w bee man logan bcuz logan figured out virgil’s obsession with bees are like his so they just. geek out. over bees

i love them

roman works at the gelato stand sometimes because his sisters and mom usually are there, but when he does work there he sometimes drags his friend patton along and they work together

virgil had never had gelato before . roman and patton think this is a True Crime,

logan finds out about how virgil wants to take care of bees or see them or literally . something. he’s starved. but he cant because of his cousin

so logan invites virgil to his house. he and his brother remy work the stand , his parents were involved in the start but now they just let their boys do their thing

they live somewhat in the country? but not on a farm just a house with. a lot of land

logan has a whole system down and virgil is so fascinated with it and

i cant believe they fall in love over bees

so many honey puns too bad i suck at puns

someone hmu with a good punny name for this bee au

roman, remy, patton, virgil’s two cousins, and virgil’s grandma all have a betting pool over when they’re getting together. roman and remy have the biggest money in the pot, followed closely by virgil’s gma

break to breath omfg so many bulletmarks

ok we resume

logan visits virgil one day and virgil’s grandma gives them a cherry pie and tells em to enjoy it in virgil’s tree house thing

it’s like a platform in the trees p much, with branches surrounding it

virgil keeps honey up there because he doesnt want his fam to steal it from him

but he doesnt remember having spoons

theyre chilling in the tree house, eating cherry pie with spoons directly from the pie tin, being eternal icons

logan picks up one of the honey jars and it’s his honey

virgil mumbles something about how much he loves lavender honey, and logan always has some of it

logan flushes and says that he keeps one hidden until virgil comes over to his stand, so virgil always had one to buy. if he didnt buy it logan would sneak it back under the counter for next week

now they’re both blushing messes

virgil looks at his spoon, and at the honey, and just. snatch

and he gets a spoonful of honey, not too full so he doesnt accidentally spill because his hands are shaking so bad, and he holds it out to logan, feeling like his heart is about to burst

virgil and logan feel a charge in the air and virgil is so so nervous

logan slowly. slowly leans forward wraps his mouth around the spoonful of honey, pulling away just as gradually

logan feels like he’s going to explode

anyway after logan did That virgil just . squeaked and covered his face with his hands and scarf

(side headcanon when its not cold enough for sweatshirts he has some cloth to cover his face if he gets embarrassed, because just hands feels too oily for him)

their faces are so red

they leave the treehouse hand in hand and the betting pool is OVER !! they finally did it!!! they got together!!!!!

(virgil’s gma wins the pool)

(they think she planned it out but they have no proof)

(she did)

(100%)

anyway honeybee gays is slaying me in this chillis tonight join me in this pit

MINI BONUS ROYALITY BCUZ THIS IS SO LONG ALREADY

roman’s family makes the gelato themselves

mostly

patton loves giving random flavor suggestions

before they got together there was so much pining, so many pet names but “it’s just platonic!! :’)”

after they got together there’s so many gelato dates

many many pet names , they see who can come up with the most sugary

logan and virgil die basically when they’re around them/go on double dates

relationship competitions , ie who can win at chicken at the pool

all of roman’s sisters love patton so much

(there’s three of them but one of them has a v serious gf so roman counts her as the fourth)

super cute

#relationshipgoals

#this is so long omg im sorry #bee au #analogical #ts headcanons #sanders sides #logan sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #remy sanders #bees #gelato #food mention #splabbles #family #so much fambly

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ryouverua · 6 years ago

Text

Trial 6 - (Fifty)Third Time’s the Charm, Post-Accusation (3)

Is that all we are to you? Just a vehicle to solve your cases for you?! ... you know what on second thought don’t answer that -

Trial: 1 / 2

hello darkness my old friend

What an interesting reaction. Despite the weird back and forth she’s been having with Monokuma, he still had the Monokubs jump in to defend her - though with that said, the desperation of it all probably backfired in Shuichi’s eyes. The point is, her first reaction wasn’t to protest - I mean, she will, and she did a bit weakly earlier, but it’s to withdraw into herself and think. Isn’t that how we first came across her? Thinking deeply to herself and completely ignoring Kaede and Shuichi to the best of her abilities?

A-are you attempting to plead ‘power of friendship’ right now -

“There is no time for friendship in the court of law!!!”

Clinging to that idea is the only thing he had to keep himself going all this time, too.

Also, after pushing behind the scenes for him to condemn three of the most well-meaning people in the class (and, y’know, Kirumi and Korekiyo lol), it’s interesting that she seems to think that this line of defense will work - especially considering what he’s accusing her of doing. You’ve managed to do something way beyond just murder, Tsumugi! Aside from Rantaro, you set the groundwork for everything that followed! And I feel like this game, more than the others, really pushed the idea that the survivors share some of the blame when the ‘blackened’ dies. I don’t agree with that mind you, but survivor’s guilt is very real and very powerful.

Despite all of this, he still wants to be wrong and is happy to be wrong. Being awfully, painfully right seems to be a running trend with him, with the one glaring exception hanging over his head.

BUT SHE STILL ISN’T SAYING ANYTHING -

she’s just sitting there with this worried, anguished expression and I don’t know what I was expected but it wasn’t this?? Is she trying to frantically brainstorm a way out or -

Seriously Monokuma do you actually hate her??? Despite working with her? Despite being intrinsically linked to each other???

Anyway whatever that just means it’s cute comic time, nice.

“gdmt do I have to do everything myself -”

They kept her glasses on! Oh, they kept her glasses on it for this! I don’t know why that makes me so happy.

Aaaaw look at Miu tinker away! The animation is really cute for it, tbh. Also something about Korekiyo eating all by himself with Kirumi waiting on him is kinda hilarious to me...

.........

I just realized that everyone in the dining hall were killers/wanna-be killers of the game lmao. Also, if only the nosier people had been in the room, this could have been prevented. 8′\

.... Now I really wish we knew where Kokichi had been at the time.

i just have this screenshot because Shuichi and Kaede are cute here

What was the signal that clued Tsumugi in on leaving, I wonder? Maybe she waited a certain amount of time after seeing Rantaro leave with the others? Would she have been willing to wait longer if she needed to for Kaede’s plan to either work or not work, or was she counting on it happening in that five minute span?

This was a pretty damn good set-up by Kaede.

CANNOT

BELIEVE EVEN NOW -

!!! New Act 5.

Also no shit he would’ve been surprised. Actually, I’d say that was an understatement. What a great expression by the artist - that is definitely the look of someone whose life or what he remembers of it is flashing before his eyes.

RANTARO

RANTARO DAMN IT

I GET YOU’RE IN PSYCHOLOGICAL SHOCK BUT

oh god I was gonna say ‘did he not hear Tsumugi right behind him’ but 1) the video was still blasting 2) no, seriously, he was probably in shock and still processing that he nearly died and was a sitting duck

WOW LOOKING REALLY CREEPY THERE MISS MASTERMIND

okay now the glasses still being there is kinda hilarious but I love it

SHE REALLY WAS.... RIGHT THERE....

This is another redundant picture because.... I’m not sure. I like this group together. We didn’t know anything about them at this point in the game, but they really did try so hard - and hell, Tenko, who I never got to know that well, was already putting aside her own bias this early in the game to work with Kaito for everyone’s sake. aaah now i’m getting sad

Which was so believable because even Kaede thought it was the truth! I’m so torn. I really like Kaede, and honestly? I like the fact that she was willing to go after the mastermind so aggressively. Tsumugi did twist the truth, sure, and we convicted the wrong person - but I don’t want to lose the fact that Kaede only didn’t kill Rantaro because her calculations were slightly off and Tsumugi cleaned up after her. I keep going back to it, but that line of Kokichi’s, telling Kaede she lost the moment she let murder into her heart, does still ring true to me...

THAT POSE.... I’d been waiting for her to make that type of pose all game. IS THIS WHY IT NEVER HAPPENED? BECAUSE YOU WERE SAVING IT FOR THIS DRAMATIC REVEAL?

Damn I love this picture, and I love how we’re finally getting to see the first hints of menace in her expression (outside of the ‘backflip into a minefield and die’ lol).

So.... now what....?

DO IT I’M BEGGING YOU PLEASE PRESS THE BUTTON

Aaaaw, even K1-b0 is willing to hear her out. :(

MAKI ON THE OTHER HAND LMAO

“I’m giving you 5 minutes. Oh, we’re down to 298 seconds now. Tick tock, motherfucker.”

And... she has nothing. Pretty much nothing. I mean, I guess she manages to throw the word ‘plain’ out one more time - literally just, “it’s plain to see I didn’t do it” - and that’s... it. Not exactly what one would expect of the mastermind who was able to throw this all together...

NO NOT THAT THING

“Tsumugi I swear to god -”

THAT’S NOT A GOOD REASON AT ALL!!! THAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF A GOOD REASON!!!

;LKDFJAS;KJ

SDKFLJ

kalsdjfsljf;sfj

f m l that’s actually

amazing

thank you based tsumugi

Where are you going with this????

???????????

I think everyone who‘s played the game has this scene seared into their memories and for good reason.

HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME AGREE WITH MONOPHANIE DRV3 -

oh thank god

Wait no, Tsumugi. Wait. No, we’ve had something good going on between us, right? Right? Tsumugi please - please don’t -

TSUMUGI I AM BEGGING YOU

TSUMUGI

TSUMUGI WHY

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS

FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

......

WAIT DID YOU LITERALLY JUST CHANGE IN THAT CLOUD OF DUST

HOW -

YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT shit she really is the Ultimate Analyst

Wait, the 53rd???

THE 53RD??? THERE’S BEEN 53 OF THEM??? HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE TAKEN UP YOUR MANTLE -

NO FUCK YOU IT’S TSUMUGI GIVE HER THE CREDIT SHE DESERVES

HOW DARE YOU

U-UM

UM WHAT JUST HAPPENED

first of all BITCH -

second of all HOW DID YOU

SWITCH BACK SO FAST WHAT IN THE WORLD

third of all, which is really just an expansion of first of all, I actually still managed to keep liking her despite everything! Even that damn love hotel scene! DESPITE ALL THE ODDS I STILL EXIST -

“I’m pretty sure Kokichi copyrighted that. You gotta wait at least 25 years before you can use it yourself, y’know.”

hHGHGH MEGANE MASTERMIND SPRITE

omfg they

they’ve been holding back on this pose for the entire game

just for this moment

just for glasses!junko

............

fml I’ll allow it but I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT

Also I... I still want to believe that this Junko persona was born from Tsumugi and not the other way around....

Wait, does that mean Maki and the others know what Junko sound like? How? Were there recordings of the final trial or something? This just makes me more curious about the time separation between the last two games and this one! Especially with the number ‘53′ dropped - that would mean someone’s picked up the mantle 53 times, right??? So shouldn’t it be at least 53 years? but then how old was Naegi in that flashback, and that’s assuming every person that took the role would last no longer than a year, but then - wait -

No, if I’m going to stick with the idea that these students were made to replace actual Ultimates... then maybe this is a lot farther back than I initially thought...?

DOES SHE HAVE A V 3 IN HER EYES

....

WAIT A SECOND

Which is why she’s calling herself the 53rd... So Junko Enoshima is a title that can be passed down. It’s officially bigger than the person herself - the same way ‘Ultimate Despair’ belonged to Junko (and she pretty much defined it), but was also a title that could be earned by other people... right?

“You literally keep bringing out your glasses. You can’t even see us properly from over there, can you?”

EXCEPT FOR YOUR DAMN EYES I CANNOT BELIEVE -

SHE’S THE 53RD JUNKO WHICH SHE HAS A V3 IN HER EYES BECAUSE V3 IS SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT 50 + 3 DAMN YOU DRV3

“Please, Shuichi? Please? Can I do it now?!”

omfg Maki why is the answer to everything murder ARE WE REALLY GOING TO DO ROUND THREE HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING -

......... b u t on the other hand we actually do have the confirmed mastermind here. H M M M M ....

AAAAH IT’S THAT TSUMUGI POSE EXCEPT NOW IT’S OMINOUS AND SHE’S LOOKING AT US OH GOD

Sweetcheeks is staying on track! You’ve got her right where you want her, kiddo! :D

“..... like, do you wanna go get some food or coffee after this, or....?”

“I DON’T NEED YOUR STUPID COFFEE I NEED A GODDAMN NAP AND A CHANGE OF SCENERY!!!”

I’m... suddenly getting a terrible feeling that things won’t be that simple. We’re definitely not far enough into this trial for it to end...

W-Why do I feel like I’m facing a Tsumugi-Junko tag team right now?

FML I really like this transition between her initial sprite and this menacing one!

I-I... I guess we’re just going to let her exposition-dump now? O-Okay...

Ffffffuuuu where do the weird memory shenanigans mix into this and what part of this is the truth? Because Tsumugi clearly feels a deep connection to Junko (lmao inner Junko) but the flashback light machine showed us that we could literally choose scenarios where people other than us survived!

MAKI

MAKI NO

I THOUGHT WE HAD FINALLY GOTTEN SOMEWHERE ON THIS

.... Whoa this sprite looks really different from the rest. It’s ripped straight from the first game, right? I don’t know if the colours quite match up with the others. 8′D

I didn’t realize I could hate the Remnant of Despair Kokichi theory more than I already did but then he, with the supposed talent Supreme Leader, was relegated to a mere follower. 8′D

Unrelated but I lowkey love this ^ line.

... Do you ever just realize how small Kokichi was in a moment like this.

Anyway I thought we’d already drop-kicked Remnant!Kokichi into the sun but apparently we have to do it in-trial now. Or, well, soon, anyway.

Himiko and the others are trying to stay on track though - on the idea that there are viewers to the madness. At first I thought, ‘oh, that’s a bit of a tangent though’ then I remembered Kokichi was the one who gave us the tools to get all the evidence to prove that so it actually does make sense to bring it back up now!

Bullshit.

An intriguing line of thought, but bullshit.

THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG HERE THAT I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN -

so thank god for Shuichi, who can help us get started.

#Shuichi Saihara #Tsumugi Shirogane #Maki Harukawa #Himiko Yumeno #Ryou plays drv3 #K1-b0 #Kiibo #Keebo #drv3 spoilers #spoilers

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vixenfur · 7 years ago

Note

Tag at least 5 people you love and give a few words on why! <3

OH MY GOODNESS!!!

Since there was so much BS in the fandom today, time to share some love! :)

- @zeta-jane is an absolute godsend of a friend. They are sassy, funny, talkative, energetic and so full of amazing ideas!!! Zeta is always there for me when I need someone to lean on. They’re such a kind friend and they will not hesitate, baitch to fight people who hurt me- probably because they know I’d do the same for them! They’re such good company both online and IRL, and I am blessed to have met them! I am even more blessed to be writing City of Dust and Shadows with them, which has become the longest fic either of us has ever written! We may or may not surpass it with our future collabs, however ;) They are just the coolest person ever and they deserve all the love in the world. I adore them so much!!! TUT

- @mikayu-chan is such a got damn SWEETHEART. They are trying to see the positive side of things, especially after so much fandom drama in the past, and I’m so so proud of them for trying their hardest to live their best life. They have it way too hard and I want to give them a big ole hug and many days of fun!!! They always make me laugh and we have a great time on calls! I’m glad that we see eye-to-eye on so many things and that we continue to teach each other new things all the time!! They are really an irreplaceable friend and such a joy to talk with, to write with, and to laugh with. I love you Chan <3333

- @crazyloststar deserves the entire world and more!!!! oMg I cannot express how much I love Alex!!!!! Alex is just a big bundle of happiness and fun and she makes me so so so so so so so happy. I love calling with her and talking, I love writing with her and everything else!! We always have so much fun, I swear I can’t talk to her without laughing my ass off at least once XD we’re always DJDJDHDHDHDJD’ing at each other because we just can’t find the right words to express how hard we’re agreeing with each other/laughing omfg. I adore her and I cant WAIT to cosplay KimiYoi and RyuuTenn with her hopefully at next year’s Yaoi Con WOOT WOOT :D!!!!

- @yuudefensesquad is sUCH A GOOD BEAN who deals with SO MUCH and she just needs a big ole hug and lots of Yuuchan i stg. Caydence is such a funny funky lil nugget and I protecc her with my life okay. Her art? Flawless. Her shitposts? FUCKIN HILARIOUS. Her meta? Super engaging and intriguing! Her bravery? ABOVE US ALL LOL. She is just awesome and I’m glad I forcefully adopted her into my lil family of mikayuu nerds bc it just wouldn’t be the same without her. Caydence ily never stop being you. A lot of shit challenges her irl and everywhere else, but she still keeps her head up and man I really respect her. <3

- @mikaisatop is MY FRICKIN RIGHT HAND MAN. My SOULMATE. SARAHHH I ADORE YOU. You might be busy rn but I love you so much girl ;__; even though she’s busy I always bother her bc I want her to know I wouldn’t ever forget about her!! I’m so happy we got to collab so much and will continue doing so!! Winter’s Waltz is so much fun to write and I’m so happy she is writing it with me anyways despite such a busy schedule. If it weren’t for Sarah we wouldn’t have so much good MikaYuu content and I applaud her for it!! <333 she is my queen and always will be!!! ily!!!

- @6lilystrings9 IS JUST THE BOMB DOT FUCKIN COM. Lily and I didn’t super duper connect until more recently but omg talking with her is just a freakin BLAST. We always get so hype with each other, even over each other’s fandoms that we aren’t even in!!! Something about the energy in her pulls out the energy in me and we just get GOING lmao. She is so very talented and amazing and a fascinating person all around! I’m so glad we got to hang a bit at KatsuCon in 2017 but I hope we can do that again in the future! I miss her all the time! <3333

- @weirdfairytales is the MAN. THE MYTH. THE LEGEND. Anna is just the biggest definition of a meme I can think of and I LOVE her for it. I’m so glad that we met way back when MikaYuuHell Skype existed and that she thought of the masterpiece that is Cherry Boy one wild night. I’m so glad we continued to be great friends and talk about so many things. I love when our messages get super long cause we just have so many things to say XD Cosplaying Victuuri with her at Katsu was so lit, and I can’t express how much I love her Victuuri fic too!!! <33 talent aside, Anna is just a hilariously kind person to talk to, and she never fails to make me smile! She’s Out There doing her BnHA thing and although I’m not there yet I support her so much ok. <333 I will always be one of her biggest fans!!! No matter what she writes!! GIVE ANNA ALL THE LOVE SHE DESERVES!!!

- @hannaadi88 is such. a. sweetheart. I can’t say it enough. Hanna does so much and gets so little I stfg yall need to APPRECIATE HER MORE. Her writing is STUNNING and the projects she makes for this fandom are just outstanding!!! From gift exchanges (I SAID ONS REMIX BEFORE IM SORRY i was wrong XD) to 365 Days of Mika and Yuu, she has put in so much for us constantly! She has also granted us with the lovely fic Scented, and not to mention one of my favorite fics of ALL TIME, Eye of Horus- the Ancient Egypt take on Unwritten!!! And she named it that without knowing my first tattoo is literally the eye of horus! XD I was shook lmfao and I still am. Meeting Hanna was amazing and the day I spent with her and @ihavetobenkyou (who is also a-freaking-MAZING and a big bundle of goodness!!!!!!) is one I’ll never forget. She’s so chill and just gives off this ‘wise’ aura idk why but I just look up to Hanna so much. No matter what she writes I will always support her and you all should too!!!

- @just-another-dream-about-yuu is ONE OF MY FAVORITE HUMANS TO EVER HUMAN. Julia omfg I cannot express how much I love you. TwT Julia is not only one of the most talented artists I have ever seen, but she is so sweet and fun and so full of energy and excitement!! She’s super busy with adulting so she’s not around in the fandom a whole lot but I always make sure to include her bc I won’t let her leave XD JULIA YOU CANNOT ESCAPE…. lmfao I will always drag you back… I won’t ever forget the day I got a twitter notification that someone drew me Unwritten fanart and the croaking sound I made was insane LMAO my friend who was with me was like WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED XD I was so excited!!! I still adore every piece of fanart she’s given me and I always will. Thank you, Julia, for bringing my imagination to life so many times, for showing me what you saw when you read my writing. It means more than I can say.

- @coleglend is the most underappreciated person in this fandom I swear. Or, who was in this fandom- Cole is off doing other things besides OnS, but regardless, she is so very amazing and beyond talented. I can’t even express how beautiful her art is and the emotions each piece sparks in me. Even her new Marvel artworks are just breathtaking and I truly admire them!!! I don’t know anyone who can make such detailed, visually engaging art- everything she creates belongs in a museum I swear. I want to print them and frame them for my walls!!! I look at her art all the time!!! Now that I’ve established how gorgeous her art is, talk about Cole as a person! She’s so sweet and kind and I love seeing her little posts on Instagram and such, even though I can’t understand most of them, I like seeing that she’s with friends and having a good time. <333 Cole, I may not say it enough but I deeply appreciate all that you’ve done and all that you continue to do. Thank you for being my friend after all this time. <333

- @linnpuzzle is one of the coolest most amazing people in this fandom!!! Her art is STUNNING and as she knows, I will drop everything to commission her and buy her merch because I just am addicted to her gorgeous art!!! I am so honored to have some of her art as part of my collection of OnS things and I am forever going to treasure the commissions I’ve purchased from her!! Besides being a great artist, I love talking with Linn, too! I’m so glad we have things in common outside of MikaYuu, like Voltron and Kyo Kara Maoh :D Linn is truly too good for this world and she deserves everything okokok. <3 go support Linn on her patreon or buy her merch or commission her or ALL OF THE ABOVE!!

- @zilleniose-chu is truly an ICON of this fandom. We don’t talk alot outside of business stuff lolol but they are just freakin amazing!!! I adore their art so much- I always have, ever since I first saw their page!!- and I LOVE their AU’s and headcanons!! They are full of such great ideas and humor and they can share those ideas through really stunning and captivating artwork <333 they definitely deserve a shoutout for being awesome and I hope they continue to create for OnS or other fandoms we have in common down the line! :D

- @absolute-exclusivity IS AN AMAZIN. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING BEAN OH MY GOODNESS i cANT TELL YOU ENOUGH HOW MUCH I LOVE LYSIA. AAAAAAAAHHHH THIS GIRL IS GONNA SPEND MY BIRTHDAY WITH ME OUT IN LONDON LESSGO GIRL!!! I’m so excited you have NO IDEA. Lysia is so so so energetic and cute and overall such an amazing friend!! She’s so caring and always willing to listen even when things are busy for her!! She’s full of hilarious, tragic, and heart-pounding ideas and AU’s. We always get lit together talking about fics and headcanons and I wouldn’t trade those moments for the world. I can’t wait to meet her and I can’t wait to collab with her and Zeta soon, too!! <333 LYSIA IS A TALENTED AMAZING PERSONA ND DESERVES EVERYTHING OKAY!??

- @rindartist is absolutely one of my favorite artists of ALL TIME no doubt about it. Rin is so amazing, always making so many beautiful artworks of MikaYuu, and now of other lovely series aswelll! I may not be into GBF but her art of it is just lovely and I suggest everyone to commission Rin if they have the means!! <333 she is just so fantastic!! And Rin is also such a sweet person, always so engaging in conversation and I am so blessed to be her friend. Rin, I always am rooting for you and supporting you!! Thank you for all you’ve contributed to the OnS fandom, whether you decide to continue or stop- but no matter what, we all appreciate and love all the beautiful content you’ve made. Thank you from the bottom of my heart <333

- @p0isonpez is someone I’ve only seen from afar but I absolutely love her art and posts!! I am so happy to see someone new in the fandom sharing such lovely things and interacting with the rest of us!! you seem so friendly and kind and I hope we can talk more sometime! :D <333 shoutout bc she is just awesome!!!

- @temesasu is such a sweetheart!! We’re just starting to talk a little more, but I am soso happy!! They are such an amazing cosplayer and their ONS cosplayers bring such a big smile to my face. They are beautiful and able to make themselves look like so many different characters!!! They are so talented with makeup, I am in awe!! :D And they are so kind and fun to talk to, and I hope we talk more! Thank you for sharing your cosplays with us, you are amazing! Don’t stop! <3

- @seraph-star is such a good precious person who makes endless good content!! Omg, their edits are just so awesome!! they always have me bouncing my head along, or completely enraptured and breathless, or laughing!! They are so good at evoking different emotions through video editing and as a very casual video editor myself, I am so impressed with their work!! I also love their memes and art and everything else that they share!!! <333 thank you for sharing your creations with the fandom. We absolutely love it!!! I always get so happy when I see your posts!!

- @angeru-artist is a precious PRECIOUS ANGEL who deserves the entire world!!!! Omg, Angeru makes such amazing art, with such expressive characters and cute little attributes!!! I love it when I see their art and I’m so glad that we share a few fandoms together rather than just one. Angeru is really bighearted and she goes through way too much hard times, and I wish I could just take her away to somewhere better!!! One day my friend we will forget about the world and just have fun!! <333 Angeru is so sweet and again she deserves EVERYTHING. If you haven’t checked out her art yet, GO DO IT!!!! :D

- @maqui-chan iS ONE OF THE BEST ARTISTS I’VE EVER KNOWN OMFG. her art is iconic and unforgettable!!!! Maqui’s art has always been one of my favorites of all time and I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve commissioned her LOL!! I JUST LOVE HER ART SO MUCH OKAY!?? ITS SO GOOD GO LOOK AT ALL OF HER GLORIOUS CREATIONS! she is so talented and she can create anything, from angst to smut to humor, leave it to Maqui to create amazing things!! And omg Maqui ignited the fire in all of our ShuuNaru hearts amiright!??? GOD her art inspired me so much to the point to where I wrote a ShuuNaru fic and it was so much fun!!! Maqui, thank you for drawing so many awesome things and creating so much for the fandom!! Even if you’ve mostly fallen out of it, your creations are always going to be treasured by me and many other people- you’ve impacted people way more than you know! Thank you for always making me laugh on twitter aswell XD you’re amazing and ily!!!

OK OK I;M OUT OF STEAM I’VE BEEN TYPING THIS FOREVER OK i could go ON AND ON about even MORE people in this fandom but that would take me literal ages LMAO

TO EVERYONE ELSE, WHO I DIDN’T MENTION BC MY BRAIN IS JUMBLED AND I AM EXHAUSTED: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. DONT STOP CREATING. THE FANDOM IS A FLAMING GARBAGE HEAP SOMETIMES LIKE IT WAS TODAY. But DON’T LET THAT STOP YOU from having a good time, doing what you love, and creating things that you are proud to share!!! And if your heart leads you elsewhere, to a different brand new fandom, I hope you always remember the people you inspired with your work!! I hope you forget the bad memories and always treasure the good ones. I hope that we can be friends and/or that I can continue supporting you no matter where we all end up in the years to come. And if you decide to support me too, I give you my biggest, most heartfelt thanks.

No matter how ridiculous this fandom can get and how much stupid discourse can dampen the mood and disappoint me, I will never let it stop me from loving MikaYuu and OnS and what I do. I will never let it stop me from writing all that my crazy little heart wants. I will continue to write until my passion dies, and when that day comes I will probably cry as I say goodbye and resort to watching from the sidelines as everyone else carries on. I will never forget the fun I had here. These past 3 years have been so impactful already, and I know the future ones will continue to be- with the old friends, with the new friends, and with friends to be made!!

Let’s spread love more often rather than hate. I encourage anyone who feels inclined to make posts (maybe not as long as mine if you dont want XDD) talking about your favorite creators and friends in the fandom, too! Or, if that seems too corny to you, just continue to draw, write, edit, and cosplay! Continue to make people laugh and smile and cry and swoon! Continue to support creators by leaving comments and kudos, by liking and reblogging, by following and commissioning, and sharing and crediting their work wherever you can! Continue to make a difference!

I love you all so much!

#mikayuu #long post #personal #anon #spreading love w people i love

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jobethdalloway · 7 years ago

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CLEXACON RECAP omfg

bc this needs to go somewhere & @mnhooch was kind enough to ask. tried to bold some highlights bc this is basically a long-ass diary entry ramble haha

-the first thing I went to was a panel called “Gaysian: Queer Asian Representation in the Media” with 4 incredibly rad/funny/super smart folks. Really enlightening convo on finding bits and pieces of characters who don’t look like/sound like you to relate to. A highlight: the first question was asking them if there are any queer Asian characters in the media they related to growing up and the last one said “Well, of course, Mulan” and there was like this loud “MMMMMM yeahhhh” that like rippled through the audience. Pressed to clarify which Mulan: “THE CARTOON one, come on”

-the moderator for the LGBTQ Actress panel was hilarious and the women on it were all wonderful so it was great to get to hear from them/learn about them but for me it was ALL ABOUT STEPHANIE BEATRIZ OMMMMMMGGG. Seeing how bubbly she is irl is a good reminder of how solid her performance is as Rosa like dang. Highlight: Stephanie tearing up talking about how much it meant to her to read the dialogue “I’m bisexual,” laid clearly and deliberately, in the script where Rosa come out

-SO MANY STUNNING BUTCHES EVERYWHERE??? omg. also it was just really cool to be in a space with so many women and nb folks. Pretty much every other gay-anything I’ve tried to go to has been 98% cis gay guys so this was like huge in a way I wasn’t anticipating

-OLDER WOMEN WHO’VE BEEN WAITING DECADES FOR GOOD REPRESENTATION, and they were there, and they love the shows we love and it warmed my heart. Also people came from around the globe for this and that was so cool

-AMAZING COSPLAYERS!!! Faves: 2 people dressed as Valkyries, Xena & Gabrielle, and too many gorgeous Alex Danvers(...es) to count

-saw a group of short documentaries, some of which were like ok but there were 2 great ones - butch coyolxauhqui (x) (about a butch learning to love her body with the help of her mother & an Aztec goddess) and a place in the middle (x) (about a Hawaiian child reclaiming traditional notions about gender from an awesome teacher)

-an awesome panel on butch representation in the media! Wish more people could’ve made it to that one. Such an important reminder that there is soooo far to go. Good introspection about internalized lesbophobia (”cured” tomboys in kid movies; butches being the lesbian equivalent of effeminate men where the stereotype is what our internalized phobia wants to get away from instead of embracing as we should)/the fact that it’s a stereotype but still like never seen?? and if it is seen, is usually negative. sigh.

-a panel on sapphic fanfic! Which was actually really inspiring and makes me want to get back into writing. Because I love it. I love writing, you guys.

DAY 2? ALREADY OMG

-started off the day in the way, way back of the auditorium for the Wayhaught panel which was so much fun! Kat & Dom are too adorable for words. Highlight: Kat’s response when asked about her thoughts on things like fanart/fanfic. idk, it was really heartwearming/inspiring. Something along the lines of, “this character may look like me but it’s the spirit of Nicole that matters, and the spirit belongs to all of us, not just me” ergo she sees fanart and sees Nicole, not herself. No single person/entity owns the character. idk that was just a really awesome thing to hear an actor say

-short comedies!! Sadly I had to duck out of this one early, but I loved 2 of the ones I saw here - a USC thesis (trailer) and a hilarious/touching one by a Philippine filmmaker called “salamagan” that unfortunately I can’t find online anywhere

-CHYLER LEIGH. CHYLER LEIGH, HOLY SHIT. This was like. The most moving Q&A I think I’ve ever been able to experience. As I was sitting there, it really registered with me how shitty it felt to have to put up with actresses (not just a certain 2) for years who were ashamed - vocally and specifically - of fans like us. Not for being over-zealous, but being queer and having queer feelings and seeking validation. How shitty it felt to have those actresses make fun of us on talk shows; make us feel gross/stupid/deluded/embarrassing for feeling the way we did & thus perpetuating internalized fears and shame in abundance. I know there are plenty of actresses who are truly great allies and who care about their LGBTQ fans, but Chyler like ... is so engaged?? She was so emotional and you can see that she gets it, she does not take her responsibility lightly and she is wonderful. I was also reminded of the distinction between seeing ourselves/hearing ourselves in media. bc i’m white, I do get to see queer characters who look like me more and more on TV/the movies (certainly more than I was a kid), but Alex is the first(/only?) one who I’ve really heard myself in and that feels significant Highlight: I got to ask her a question! And I was the last one they had time for so phew. Here’s a link to the whole panel, set to start at my question *^^ (but I definitely recommend watching the whole thing the next time you have an hour to spare) (I MADE HER LAUGH. Kinda hard to make out what I said at the beginning, which is, “oh wow, lesbians are short” bc I’m almost 6′ tall and the mic stand was very very low) (I WAS TREMBLING THE WHOLE TIME Y’ALL)

-highlight: a DELIGHTFUL/wonderful feature called “Signature Move” (trailer). You want a good lesbian movie? HERE’S A GOOD LESBIAN MOVIE!!! Nobody dies, no lesbians have to date men, one of the leads is a butch Pakistani-American and the other is Mexican-American and we see their complicated/beautiful relationships with their mothers and it’s FUNNY AS HELL and the leads are HANDSOME AND BEAUTIFUL AS HELL and it needs all the viewers

-highlight: I got to meet @thefootlightclub and @missmaclay after years of being tumblr buddies!! They are both delightful/amazing people and it was so fun to like, fangirl irl with people. And since I went to this con alone, it was really cool to get to talk to other people about it, haha. They introduced me to some awesome peeps including the lovely @amyroot! Thanks y’all for being so friendly and welcoming me in. Also @thefootlightclub and I talked about how June Allyson should totally have a massive lesbian following bc Jo March and that voice, amirite #imright

DAY 3 OH NO THE WEEKEND IS ENDING

-really sad short films today!! Most of them not great, but there was one that wove in Mrs Dalloway and that was pretty cool/I was stunned to see that the cinematographer was a childhood friend of mine! Who is Mormon! And apparently worked on a film about lesbians! He’s a cool guy and that was a fun surprise. One of the films was pretty powerful and gave me AYLT feels (if my epilogue had been depressing AF) (trailer)

-there was a panel called “empowerment through fandom,” which was nice but pretty much wound up being for Earpers. Validating to know one of the panelists was a reporter and it’s like aha okay this stuff is for people in all walks of life/professions/ages. Validating all around.

-I wandered around the vendor booths and picked up a couple of pins/postcards. So many talented people! Probably just as well that I didn’t look too hard at this stuff until the last day bc stuff was sold out and I probably would’ve spent $$ I didn’t have on some of these rad shirts/posters haha

-went to a panel on Queer Films, which I kind of thought would be more of like a presentation/discussion on the history of films but it was more about how to get them made/how hard it is to do that. The panelists and moderator were great, though, and had some great insights. Specifically, the producer of “Elena Undone” (which I admit I could not finish but deeply wanted to like) talked about how you have to do the best with what you have bc sometimes you just can’t raise the money you want/need to get the film you’d really like bc people don’t like to finance lesbian films and that was kind of humbling to keep in mind

-rounded it all out by watching DEBS, obviously one of the greatest films of all time. Highlight: there were a lot of older women at the con, which was really wonderful to see, and 2 of them were sitting behind me. One said to the other, “I wasn’t sure I was going to come to this but these kids downstairs said ‘oh you totally have to go.’ Well, one said, ‘you “totes” have to,’ which I took to mean ‘totally.’” It was great to hear them laughing behind me the whole time! WHAT AN ICONIC MOVIE.

-I got to eat at Cafe Rio which is always ALWAYS A PLUS

Anyway, wow, what a fantastic weekend. I feel so, so lucky that I was able to go and meet so many amazing people and hear so many amazing people and be surrounded by the love. I never ever thought I’d go to a con - not for any condescending reason, just bc I never thought there was enough I’d ever be interested in to make it worth attending. But this? Wow. Tailor-made for me - for so many of us. If I had a wish then it would be that we could all go to Clexacon next year!

/is it next year yet

#clexacon #personal #ramble

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usergallaghers · 7 years ago

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Hi!!!!! The ep was,,, alot. Thoughts ?😄

Lip: WOW this guy is really starting to look like the decent member of the family. I am so proud of the way he is pushing to help his friends stay afloat, to get back to sobriety. I mean wow I am very impressed with him lately. He isn’t chasing after Sierra or worrying about sex, he’s standing up and taking action and although he genuinely cares about those men, he is also doing it because he needs to know he can do it for himself too. This is what I’ve been talking bout, Lip is not Frank. Lip can rise above this even though it is very hard.

Debbie: She is a mini Fiona, she’s doing her best to raise her kid and have a social life, but this episode with that asshole in the parking garage? I can’t believe he was such an asshole, but her solution was hilarious omfg. She definitely has some anger issues going on but that ending really was hilarious and I’m proud of her for it actually!

Carl: I knew that girl was going to be trouble for him. I think she is the one from the BTS videos, so she is his new GF..but I can’t say that I like her so far. Her attitude and then pushing him (although he was willingly participating) into that whole fake kidnapping thing? As soon as he picked up that briefcase I knew he was going to get caught. It was a little bit ridiculous, but at least he is trying to get money on his own? He really wants to go back to school and I love that. Idk what will happen next with them/him but I am curious to see where this whole thing goes.

Frank: I don’t really care about his storyline but hey at least it made me laugh. Out of every character he is definitely the funniest. Aside from Mickey, but since Frank is the one still on the show, so. I have no idea how he thinks his new plan will work, but I guess we will wait and see what unfolds next time.

Kev & V: it was the weakest part of the episode and I’m a little bummed that V has no need for Svetlana in her life but it was sweet. Kev was funny AF (also where the fuck was Svetlana???)

Fiona: in the previous episodes I was pissed at her because she did seem very selfish about this whole thing but after watching this episode I was so proud of her for the way she was trying to let Ian cool off, trying to be the ‘adult’ but then also trying to help after the mess she had caused for Ian/Trevor/the kids previously. Her finding a new place for them was a really nice thing to do, even though she was pissed at Ian. This ford guy was cute and I’m looking forward to seeing more of him!!

Ian: Ian’s actions were too much for me at times. I know he was upset but it just felt so non Ian at times, which was the whole point. He is acting out and although we were meant to assume it was because of Fiona, I am leaning more towards him dealing with Monica’s death, and that guy from a few episodes back who was from his past. He is dealing with shit and I am ready to see that. It will destroy me but he needs to deal with the things he has been through and I am hoping that this season is the time for them to explore that. The scene where he got upset with Trevor? That hurt to watch because we have seen how much he likes him and how much he cares, and now in this moment he feels like he has nobody. Even though Trevor did nothing wrong, he feels like he has so he is upset. The very last scene with Fiona broke me!!! She LOVES HIM SO MUCH even when they have their differences, I truly believe that she cares so deeply for him and is worried despite him wanting her to not be. That pause he had before brushing off her question? He wanted to speak up but he didn’t. I was so convinced that he would speak up but when he didn’t that was just wow.

#shameless season 8 #shameless 807 #shameless spoilers

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allofthisnonsenseplease · 8 years ago

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An R76 fic idea from Firesonic152 and me. =) We thought the concept was worth sharing. Sort of an urban or modern fantasy story where the SEP was intended to increase and focus magical potential in order to create animal familiars.

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 magical AU where SEP was a program for concentrating and stabilizing excess magical potential into summoned creatures. The creatures are highly empathetic to their humans, often directly responding according to the person's emotional state. The odd thing is, Jack's seems to like Gabe FAR more than it does Jack.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 OH NOOOOOO jack's is a feline creature and gabe's is a neato owl ooo what if jack just straight up had a LION THAT WOULD BE COOL

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Jack plays it off for the longest time as just his MASSIVE CRUSH on Gabe (which it is, in part) and it's only later that Gabe realizes that Jack straight up doesn't like himself. Gabe has seen Jack's critter hiss and slash at him when Jack was feeling particularly down, and a few inquiries tell him that none of the others have ever done that to their humans.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 jkefnajkfdkfnj

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 I do like the lion idea. ^^ Or possibly a tiger with stripes that almost look more like scars marring its body

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 what about a STRIPED LION or a lyger that's a thing right BUT THAT'S REALLY UPSETTING AKJDFNAKFNJ jack makes a Really Big Mistake (tm) and his cat straight up attacks him

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 i want to say that a lyger is a thing -'.'- It's pretty much the only time that it's ignored Gabe. Usually, it would be all up on him, looking for pets and purring, but it focused on Jack for once with hugely upsetting implications.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 it's big too, and heavy, and it knocks jack right down and pins him with its huge paws and snarls in his face it's always been on the aggressive side but not like this luckily they're able to fight it off before it can do any lasting damage. but gabriel is terrified by how close it came to ripping out jack's throat. AHH what if it gives jack the scars on his face??

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 ouo perfect Jack can barely look in a mirror for the longest time afterward without his familiar starting to get its hackles up as the self-hatred kicks in

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 qoq while jack recovers in the med bay, his familiar seeks out gabe and presses into his side, tired and making low strangled noises AHH BUT WHAT DO THEY NAME THEM i hate this but gabriel absolutely names his owl Dr. Hoo i'm s o akdjfnadf

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 X'''''''D omfg yeah Have Jack let Gabe name his. It keeps insisting on seeking Gabe out, and Jack's finally just 'hey, you name it.'

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 kdjafnadkfj jack kept refusing to name it before gabe tries to insist that it's jack's, he should name it, but jack shrugs and points out that it only ever sleeps in gabe's room that or pressed up against gabe's door hmmmm what's a good name for a lyger

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Beans. or Kernel. i dunno XD

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 LOL hobbes

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 OMG YES THAT ONE

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 :smile: hobbes and dr. hoo are friends awww but omg jack had been doing a swell job of keeping his Feelings for gabe on lockdown before this but hobbes ruins all his efforts

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 You know what's gonna make it even worse for Jack, is that this is all experimental, so there's gonna be all sorts of evals and questions and what not trying to figure out why his is the only one acting different from all the others. lol

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 OH NOOOO everyone else's familiars are getting along just fine qoq but awwww hobbes pretty much immediately glues itself to gabe's side and demands All The Belly Rubs

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 XD

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 gabe laughs while he's petting hobbes and says "damn you really like me this much morrison?" and he looks up to give jack a grin but jack's expression is blank

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 oooh...accidentally outed to your crush by your own uncontrolled magical familiar. that's rough, buddy.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 AWKS

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Gabe: ...uhh, just a joke, Morrison. Feel free to laugh. Jack, unable to trust himself to even smile: Ha. Hilarious. I'm just...gonna...not be in here anymore. And Gabe thinks that he's insulted Jack or something, but it prolly can't be that bad, because Hobbes is getting even more needy, enough to keep Gabe from going after Jack.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 QOQ hobbes demands curling up in gabe's lap and it is Big so gabe can't really go anywhere LOL

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 AHH!! XD <3

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 it doesn't really fit in gabe's lap so it just kind of ends up sprawled across his legs and then dr. hoo decides to settle on top of hobbes' back gabe isn't going anywhere for awhile

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 lol HOPE YOU BROUGHT A SNACK GABE oh but Jack feeling so deeply lonely after he's made his escape. ; ; and Hobbes doesn't come for him the way the other familiars will usually come for their humans. Jack must have been thinking too much about Gabe when he first summoned Hobbes, and that's why it didn't turn out the way the others did.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 QOQ jack is curled up in bed with the lights out, wishing gabe was there, wishing things were different - and then he hears something knocking faintly at his door he drags himself out of bed and opens the door a crack to find dr. hoo staring up at him hobbes might not care, but dr. hoo is Very Worried and insists on snuggling up with jack

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 ;u; GABE WANTED TO CHECK ON JACK AND BE SURE HE WAS OKAY MY HEART

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 YEAH QOQ

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 OH!! What if, when they started the program, the familiars were meant to be...like, little more than magical automata--nothing with feelings, just constructs that could be ordered around? and so there wasn't extensive psych testing beforehand, which is how Jack got cleared for the program and by the time they start to realize what they've created, it's too late. there is a huge, fuck off, magic incarnate liger that may well bite its handler's face off if Jack gets too depressed

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 OOOOOO BOY WHAT A MISTAKE TO MAKE

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 YEAH NO KIDDING What if one of the batch was a straight up psychopath?

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 JESUS well it is the military s o

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 should have checked more thoroughly~!

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 but like the more frustrated jack gets the more aggressive hobbes gets which just becomes a vicious cycle when he's trying to get hobbes to cooperate with him that is and hobbes keeps not cooperating

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 although, it only gets scary aggressive with Jack or enemies. Like, every once in a while, Hobbes will growl at someone Jack is SERIOUSLY angry at, but it doesn't generally start fights...except with Jack. Gabe eventually learns that if Hobbes leaves his side, then he needs to be right on its heels to be sure Jack hasn't fallen into a bad depression again. There have been a couple of false alarms, but Gabe isn't at all willing to take the chance.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 what if gabe gets injured by someone and hobbes becomes Murderous jack takes a bullet and hobbes gets pretty angry but gabriel gets hit with something and hobbes becomes Vicious

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 omg yup Jack's immediate rage, the burning need to KILL whoever hurt Gabe--then afterward, Hobbes makes a nuisance of himself, refusing to leave Gabe's side and getting in the way of the medics.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 turns out it's very hard to treat someone when a Huge Fuck Off liger is growling at anyone who comes near said patient it's the one time jack is able to rein hobbes in and get it to listen to him

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 What if Hobbes eventually starts putting forth a little bit of effort to work with Jack and not maul him after Gabe has a talk with it? Like Gabe sits down and holds Hobbes' face in his hands, and is like 'listen. Jack is...he's really important to me. I know there's more to you guys than just our emotions, and I know feeling what he feels has to suck. I'm gonna talk with him, see that he gets some help for that. But I need you to cut him some slack. I don't...I don't want to see him destroyed because he's his own worst enemy.'

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 QOQ when hobbes lets jack pet its head for the first time jack is dumbfounded

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Hobbes is surprised, himself. Jack is--just a little bit--happy. Jack: Gabe, look! He's--! Gabe, grinning and unsurprised: He and I had a little chat. Jack: You talk to Hobbes about me? Gabe: What can I say? He actually sees reason.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 hobbes very suddenly turns and licks gabe's face jack turns bright red

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 okayokay but like imagine big dumb laughing wrestling pile

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 njsdkjandkjandd dr. hoo always wins bc it waits until the last second and then settles on top of whoever is winning

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 they tire themselves out, and wind up laying around and partially on top of each other. Hobbes is purring like a landslide and has actually let Jack pillow his head on his flank. Gabe is propped up against Hobbes' shoulder, grinning and feeling something warm and wonderful in his chest to see Jack actually looking happy and relaxed

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 QwQ dr. hoo is a puff on top of jack's head doing the cute owl squint

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Jack very slowly realizing that Dr. Hoo has been spending a lot more time with him recently. He looks over at Gabe, and something about his expression must have given his thoughts away, because he sees Gabe's smile soften, sees him shrug and nod, and Jack is still trying to process when Gabe reaches over to wrap an arm around his shoulders and tug him in close and ask Jack if he wants to grab dinner together.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 QOQ jack's "yes" is nearly lost with how loud hobbes is purring

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 okay, but now we get to the really important question of this AU: Does Hobbes know enough to make himself scarce when Gabe finally takes Jack to bed? XD

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 LMAO OR DOES HOBBES DO THE ANNOYING CAT THING AND IMMEDIATELY PUSH OPEN THE DOOR DEMANDING ATTENTION dr. hoo is chilling on hobbes' head this does not make it better

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 They sit at the foot of the bed and Watch. Intently.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 gabe decides very quickly that this is killing the mood and shoos them out (despite jack's whining that he doesn't care, just fuck me gabe)

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 XD Oddly enough, Hobbes is easier to convince than Dr. Hoo. Gabe's familiar seems to have developed more of a mother hen interest in Jack than Hobbes did for Gabe.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 gabe could swear dr. hoo is glaring at him giving him a "you better treat him right or else" look

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 lol Anytime things get even a little rough, Dr. Hoo HAS to be allowed in during aftercare. He insists on sitting on Jack's head or shoulders to cuddle him.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 AWWW dr. hoo's favorite spot is nestled in against jack's neck

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Jack gets into the habit of absentmindedly feeding him little pieces of whatever he's eating. Dr Hoo being able to change his shape, maybe even more than the other constructs. He's like a little round rowlet most of the time, but he can become huge when necessary--big enough to shield Gabe with his wings, or fly with him in his talons.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 ooooooooooo LMAO jack is in danger and dr. hoo's spidey-senses go off and it immediately becomes Huge and swoops in, nabs jack gently with its claws, and flies away

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 lol and Jack's, like, cussing up a storm at him because he wants to go back and fight! At the same time, Hobbes gets extra aggressive and starts taking out enemies left and right.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 kjfsnkajfnadf dr. hoo doesn't listen, just carries jack straight to gabe and drops him in gabe's arms >w< gabe has to quick drop his guns bc OH GOD JACK IS FALLING

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 XD <3 Dr Hoo is the best wingman! X'''D

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 LMAO YEP dr. hoo not so discretely dropping lube into jack's hands bc it knows what gabe's thinking about XDDDDD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 HA

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 cracks knuckles hello naughty children it's Angst Time as things are starting to get strained between them, dr. hoo actually snaps at jack - like, tries to bite his finger - for the first time ever.

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 oh no OH NO ; ;

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 hobbes actually snarls at gabe on another day on a really bad day, when gabe tries to touch hobbes' head, hobbes takes a swipe at his hand and nicks him enough that it bleeds immediately after, hobbes tries to apologize, butting its head against gabe's leg, but it's not a good sign

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 oh oh shit, dude what if Hobbes actually hurts Gabe badly enough that there's talk of him needing to be, um, exorcised, or whatever the magical equivalent of putting one of them down is?

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 NOOOOOO

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 But nobody knows what that would actually do to Jack. All the candidates for the experiment had their magical potential ramped up to 11 so that it could be drawn out and given a physical form as a familiar. If Hobbes goes--if they can even get rid of him--what happens to Jack? Does the magic simply dissipate? Does he no longer have any magic? Does he overload and burn himself out from the inside? No one really has any concrete answers, and that's why they hold back for the time being, but some members of the research team are very curious. OH SHIT What if they go after Dr Hoo to find out?? And that's what causes the Zurich explosion??

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 And Gabe, like, MERGES with him

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 but Gabe was seeking Jack out to try to tell him that something was wrong, that Dr Hoo was missing and he thinks it might have been the scientists and Jack needs to let him into the labs, but Jack was all 'you're being paranoid, they wouldn't, it's irresponsible, I'm sure he's fine--' then BOOM!!! And nobody is fine

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 KJSFASKJDNFASKFJAF hobbes physically drags an unconscious jack from the wreckage for days he's too exhausted and feverish to even hate himself. he and hobbes just curl up in a safe house together, wounded and brokenhearted

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 and one of the thoughts that keeps circling in Jack's head is that it's only because of Gabe that they can even comfort each other ;n;

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 QOQ hobbes is subdued after that. melancholy. jack feels weak and lost and utterly alone except for his familiar. every now and again a flash of anger will cut through everything and hobbes will bristle, but for the most part it's like he's in a fog .. AH what if the explosion made jack blind and he needs hobbes to help him with it

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 He's able to see through Hobbes, maybe? Although doing so comes at a price, maybe.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 he has to negotiate with all the self-hate and survivor's guilt welling up inside him, has to remain in control of it because he needs hobbes to listen to him in order to survive, and the only thing that keeps him going is the thought of gabe. the idea that gabe would want him to live. yeah!!! for the first time he feels like he understands hobbes. he feels like hobbes is an extension of himself instead of a manifestation of his darkest thoughts just waiting for the right time to attack. of course they'd been able to work together before, after a lot of effort, but now they truly become partners. all they have left is each other.

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Q.Q I STARTED THIS AS A JOKE AS A HA HA JACK'S THIRST IS HIS MOST POWERFUL EMOTION AND CANNOT BE OVERRIDDEN AND NOW LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENED

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 DKAJNFAKJFN when he meets the reaper, hobbes recognizes him before he does reaper, of course, knows of only one huge fuck off liger

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 But Hobbes being unable to resist charging up to Reaper and knocking him over only to butt his head up against him and purr and purr Or if Reaper actually tried to take a shot at Jack, his own cloak would fan out like a giant pair of wings and encircle him, shielding Jack from himself.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 QOQ

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Makes it pretty hard to lie about how they feel lol

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 yeah XDD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 But while Reaper's got 'Jack still loves me', Jack has 'he doesn't actually want to hurt me.' Anything deeper is a mystery.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 qoq jack just lowers his gun and whispers "gabe?" reaper doesn't answer but hobbes seems to be convinced it is in fact gabriel. he hopes it isn't just because he wants it to be gabriel more than anything.

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 He takes a peek though Hobbes' eyes and sees the magic woven inextricably with the flesh-and-blood man standing before him, and he recognizes the look of it for what it is--a familiar, something just like Hobbes. There's only one familiar Jack can think of that it might be. He's shaking and can't hold the connection that allows him to see through Hobbes' eyes. At the moment, it's all he can do not to sway on his feet or throw himself at Gabe.

Something nudges his leg. If he could see clearly, he would see the substance of Reaper's coat has dripped and stretched almost as if it had melted. A small portion of it rose up near Jack, round and feathered, rubbing affectionately against his calf. When Jack hears it coo, he kneels automatically, unable to stop the reflex despite the uncertain situation. He feels something hop onto his thigh and from there up to his shoulder, where a familiar sensation of soft feathers and shell-smooth beak nuzzles him. 'Dr Hoo...' He's smiling now, feeling tears well up because he's been given a miracle, and even if Gabe doesn't love him any more, even if Gabe hates him, at least Gabe's alive. That's all Jack's asked for since the explosion.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 SKJCNAEKUNAECJKAN

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Jack is just kneeling there, holding Dr Hoo as it cuddles him. He doesn't even try to look Reaper's way when he apologizes, ashamed by all the arrogance and anger years ago that had allowed him to ignore Gabe's pleas. He doesn't expect forgiveness. Reaper barely acknowledges his words, anyway, only orders him to get up, saying that kneeling there like that is unbecoming. Jack can almost laugh at that, and he says before he can stop himself that Gabe didn't used to complain about having him on his knees. Something hot and needy coils in his stomach, a familiar desire that has tortured him over the years. He didn't think he could ever feel it quite the same way again, and he hopes that Hobbes will behave enough not to give him away.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 BUT ANYWAY PREDICTABLY WHEN GABE IS CONCERNED HOBBES DOESN'T FUCKIN LISTEN TO JACK

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Hobbes is just trying to drag Gabe bodily to the nearest store where he can pick up the essential preparations bc Jack is needing to get rekt in the worst way

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 AHAHAHA when gabe won't cooperate, hobbes gets frustrated and runs off alone

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Reaper sits down and starts griping about it to Jack, and Jack just shrugs and is all 'you were always better with him than i am' "He's born from your goddamn emotions, Jack!" "And that's ever made a difference...how?" "...there is not actually anything I could do to you that would be worse than what you've got going now, huh?" "Got it in one."

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 sksmsmcmdkx

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Hobbes comes back with stuff. Gabe takes one look at it and turns to Jack. 'I am NOT going to fuck you.' 'Didn't ask you to.' Gabe just looks pointedly at Hobbes, then back again. 'You know, I SWEAR we just had a conversation about how I can't control him.'

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 KJNAKJSCNASCJKN inside jack is like I SWEAR TO GOD HOBBES

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 while part of him is just OH GOD PLEASE MAYBE IF HOBBES TRIES JUST A LITTLE BIT HARDER It's a fukkin wonder Jack's crazy ass didn't end up with a hydra or something else with too many heads XD

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 AHAHAHA hobbes is trying his damndest to butter gabe up purring and schnuggling jack is just thankful he's got a mask on

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 meanwhile, Dr Hoo just gives a sad little coo as Gabe draws him back in

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 awww qoq

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 ooh--slightly off topic, but what if Hana was a prodigy with magical stuff, got wind of the program, and was able to duplicate the results for herself, making her the only person who created a familiar outside of lab conditions.

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 AHHHHH NEAT she gets a bun

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 but, like, a big cartoony bun like her little avatar ^^

firesonic152 - 05/02/2017 YEAH :DD and hobbes Loves Her jack's never seen hobbes so affectionate with someone who isn't gabe

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/02/2017 Hobbes carries the bun around like its a baby kitten XD

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 CUTE

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 Hobbes makes it very clear who is Family. haha just realized--Hobbes having another person to pay attention to means that Jack and Gabe will have it easier finding time alone lol

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 >:3c but lmao hobbes does all the courting for jack gabe constantly tells jack no, they shouldn't jump back into a relationship, and jack just blinks at him innocently and says he didn't ask anyway. but hobbes just keeps bugging gabe

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 XD every now and then, Jack will mumble 'good kitty' just within earshot of Gabe

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 XDDD hobbes tries to sleep in gabe's bed and gabe is like NO hobbes gives him really sad eyes

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 ohhhh noooooooooooooes!! XD who can resist the sad kitty eyes??

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 gabe grumbles and compromises. he lets hobbes sleep in the bed and he moves to the couch except when he wakes up hobbes is partially on top of him

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 XD JUST GIVE UP GABE YOU CAN'T WIN Gabe wakes up one night, and Hobbes is staring at him very intently. He remembers that Jack can use Hobbes' eyes, and demands to know if Jack's there, if he's watching or listening. Hobbes' expression doesn't change in the slightest, and Gabe eventually decides that he was probably thinking too hard. he relaxes a bit, though he's still a bit heated, and can't seem to get comfortable. He starts talking, partially to Hobbes, partially to sort out his thoughts, and partially to Jack who he had decided wasn't spying after all. He talks about how this whole situation is rough for him, too, how he wishes they could just go back to the way things were, but that that's not possible. He doesn't know what they have between them now, much less what they might have. He goes quiet and rolls over onto his side. After a stretch of silence, he says quietly that he doesn't know if he can give Jack what he needs.

That sets a pattern where Gabe starts talking to Hobbes before falling asleep. He doesn't know if Jack can hear him, if Hobbes can pass on messages or sensations. Some nights he hopes Jack never finds out. Some nights, he hopes that Jack does look in on him through his familiar, and those nights begin happening more and more frequently. He starts half-hoping that Jack will show up at his door. He starts wondering what he would do if it happened. He starts fantasizing about it. He wishes Jack would hurry up and come to him and take the decision out of his hands.

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 QOQ

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 Jack sends Gabe a text one night that just says 'we need to talk' and Gabe's heart stutters in his chest. He didn't expect it to hurt like that. But then, before he can start wondering what to do, a picture message follows. Jack has one hand free, but is largely covered by multiple tiny versions of Dr Hoo that seem to have separated from Gabe and swarmed him. His expression is horrible--caught between smugness, laughter, and anxiety, and Gabe can't help smiling at the picture as fondness over Jack's private awkwardness comes back to him in a rush.

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 AHHHHHHHH after gabe sees the picture, all the mini dr. hoos just become MORE affectionate

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 Jack texts him again after a couple of minutes without a response. 'pretty sure you saw those messages. are you coming here or do i need to come to you?' Gabe is halfway to the door before he stops and thinks. Isn't it still too soon? He picks up his phone and texts back 'Not yet.' A moment later and there's another message from Jack. 'ok' and then, just after that: 'i still love you. never stopped. good night.' Hobbes winds around his legs, butting his head up against Gabe, and he can't tell if the liger wants pets or is trying to simply offer affection.

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 qOq at least jack gets to sleep swarmed with mini owls even if gabe isn't ready yet, jack can at least take comfort in this

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 they reek of him when they pile back into Gabe later, and it is distracting as all fuck

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 KAJFNAENAKC gabe is so ready to jerk off but hobbes is Right There

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 lol Jack might actually scold him for that. XD

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 of course when hobbes finally decides to return to jack, he smells like gabe too jack convinces hobbes to sleep in his bed for the night so he can pretend, just for a little.

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 ; ;

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 in the morning, hobbes bolts off to find gabe and starts tugging frantically at his shirt gabe is too tired to fight off a Huge Fuck Off liger. he goes. hobbes leads him to jack's room, where jack is still asleep, curled around the space where hobbes was hobbes nudges at gabe's leg gabe is tired. he sighs and lays down next to jack.

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 when jack wakes up, he's wrapped up in gabe's arms. he fell asleep too. hobbes is sprawled across their feet, purring happily. a few little owlets are strewn about, some nestled against jack's neck or behind his knees or in his hair, a few burrowed in hobbes' fur, and one perched on gabe's shoulder. (jack can't see them of course, but he can feel them buzzing and cooing happily.) jack hasn't cried in years but suddenly he finds his face is wet.

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 Gay. XD That was very sweet. <3

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 <333333 gabe wakes up to jack crying quietly and gets really worried for a sec but then jack manages a weak smile and it's been such a long time since gabe has seen that expression on jack's face

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 also consider: Jack's body reacting to the warmth of Gabe pressed so close while he's still asleep, so even though Jack is so, SO happy, he knows that if Gabe wakes up to that reminder of what they used to be to each other, it'll only make things awkward. He can't calm himself down, though, so he tries to sneak out of bed without waking Gabe. It doesn't work, of course, so Gabe wakes up not only to see Jack's cheeks striped with tear tracks, but also that he's trying to sneak away.

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 AKJNAKAJFN NOOOO god damn you and your unquenchable thirst jack //shakes fist

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 hey, he can't help waking up with a bit of him standing at attention. XD at least he was TRYING not to make Gabe have to deal with it.

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 XDDDDD gabe wonders briefly if he should just pretend to be asleep and let jack go but then he decides that he's done too much of letting jack go

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017

He reaches out and grabs Jack's wrist, yanking him back so that the mattress bounces as Jack sits down hard on it. Jack mutters that he was just going to find some privacy, but Gabe shoots back that it's nothing he hasn't seen before. He stretches, moving his hand from Jack's wrist to his shoulder and practically dragging him back down. 'Just take care of it,' he mumbles as he fits himself against the line of Jack's body once more. 'I'm not going anywhere.'

Gabe's got one arm around Jack's waist and his face pressed against the back of Jack's neck as Jack hesitantly begins stroking himself. He squeezes a bit tighter, tucks his knees in a little closer, and those small movements are enough to let some of the tension drain out of Jack's shoulders. Gabe nuzzles closer, breathing deeply. He'd forgotten the scent of Jack's skin, but it washes over him in a warm wave, and soon Jack isn't the only one needing a release. For the moment, though, Gabe lies still, just holding Jack, breathing him in, savoring the tiny shivers of friction as Jack's ass rubs up against him. He listens to the quiet noises Jack is making, curls tighter around him as Jack turns his face into his pillow to muffle himself. Gabe is kissing Jack's neck before he knows what he's doing, and the sounds spilling from Jack's lips have resolved into the syllables of his name, muted but intelligible. By the time his hand strays down into Jack's boxers, he's almost too late. Two strokes and Jack finishes with a groan, stiffening against him before sagging limp against his chest, breathing a little quicker than normal. The smell of sex mingles with the scent of Jack's skin and scalp, familiar and not unwelcome. They wipe their hands off against the sheets before Gabe settles his arm around Jack once more, hand over the beating of his heart. He smiles as Jack reaches up to twine their fingers together, and murmurs that it's good to be home.

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS SO SWEET WTF

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 i am powered by unhealthy amounts of sugar XD

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 then jack smirks, shifting his ass against gabe teasingly, and says "i see i'm not the only one who needed to be taken care of." gabe hums and complains that he's comfortable and doesn't want to move jack says "me neither" and just keeps rubbing up against gabe god damn tease

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 lol JACK DON'T GET AHEAD OF YOURSELF THIS IS A DELICATE BALANCE YOU'VE ACHIEVED HERE

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 HE'S TOO THIRSTY in the end they are interrupted bc hobbes is really feeling the overwhelming affection and demands cuddles by plopping in right between them

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 lol Hobbes may appear to be a cockblock, but he's actually the best long term wingman XD maybe stops Jack from going too fast

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 yep >w< plus who can be mad when there's a giant cat half sprawled on top of you

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 heehee ^^

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 gabe gives hobbes a little smooch bc wtf so cute and jack pouts but he's too comf to even be salty I JUST LOVE GABE BEING SCHNUGGLY W A HUGE FUCKIN CAT just buries his face in hobbes' fur

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 Jack's old jealousies, which had been knocked over the head and buried in a shallow grave, come clawing out of the earth looking for a fight XD

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 XDDDDDD hobbes growls quietly at jack and jack rolls over to glare sightlessly

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 Gabe: Hey, you know what's NOT sexy? A couple hundred pounds of angry magical cat on my chest. Knock it off, Jack. Jack, gracing Gabe with a glare of disdain on par with the haughtiest of cats: He started it.

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 XDDDD jack u petty motherfucker hobbes licks gabe's face. at that jack gets up, moves around them, and snuggles up behind gabe. much better XD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 Gabe is some sort of horrible Jack sandwich XD

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 <333 surrounded by cute little owlets

SuspiciousPopsicle - 05/03/2017 sprinkled with cute little owlets. peppered with cute little owlets. garnished with a dash of cute little owlets. XD

firesonic152 - 05/03/2017 owlets are a spice

#reaper76 #cornfuck and the reaper #R76 plot ideas

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nightzilla333 · 8 years ago

Text

Chapters 1 - 3

So... I tried out that link where you can write with famous writers... (which can be found here if you don’t know what I’m talking about.)

And... I put in “My Immortal”.

The results are under the read more.

Chapter One

Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people hushedly tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major embracing hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh period of pain (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I greedily acquire all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye long-forgotten bower. I was gracefully ambling outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very secretly disconsolate about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. “Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"“What’s up Draco" replied Oliver, "I want some more"?” I asked. “Nothing.” he assuredly declared shyly. But then, I heard my friends call me and I distinctly had to go away.

Chapter Two

The next day I cumbrously woke up in my bedroom. It was very quiet indeed, as if it was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and ravenously quaffed some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was a town of unnatural red and black like the painted face of a savage. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I employed for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather gown that Dante deified, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) cumbrously woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and kindly opened her forest-green eyes. She is a thing of light, of airiness and joy; she put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation as well as black eyeliner.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!” she assuredly declared excitedly. "“Yeah" replied Oliver, "I want some more"? So?” I viciously screamed, blushing. “Do thou like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common sullen chamber and into the Great Hall.

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted. “Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. “Hi.” he said. “Hi.” I replied flirtily. “Guess what.” he said. “What?” I asked.

“Well, Marvelous Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he hushedly told me. "“Oh" said she, in the same hurried passionate whisper. My. Embracing. Aeolus!” I screamed. I loathe GC. They, who didn't smell the fire burning, are my favorite band, besides MCR. “Well…. do you intensely desire to go with me?” a swaggering scoundrel, he asked. I gasped.

Chapter Three

"On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels", he growled incoherently. Neath which thy slumb'ring soul lies hid them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back as well as front. I put on matching fishnet on my condor wings. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I deeply felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I voraciously read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. "I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner" replied Oliver, "I want some more". Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was silvered o'er with white anyway. I ravenously quaffed some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

"I went outside" replied Oliver, "I want some more". Draco was waiting there in front of his nimbly, flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they unquestionably would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

“Hi Draco!” I assuredly declared in a depressed voice. "“Hi Ebony", he growled incoherently.” he viciously screamed back. We walked into his nimbly, flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we harkened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both blazed cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the chaise-cart. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Marvelous Charlotte.

“You voraciously come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so sorrowful you've arrived The doctor viciously severs your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you boundless into this life.” sang Joel (I don’t own da stretched metres 2 dat song). “Joel is so embracing hot.” I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, woefully filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked melancholy. "“What’s wrong", he growled incoherently?” I asked as we moshed to the aural intoxicator. Then I caught on. “Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I assuredly declared. “Sayst thou so?” asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. "“Really" said she, in the same hurried passionate whisper.” I viciously screamed. “Besides I don’t even know Joel and he’s going out with Hilary behesting Duff. I behesting hate that little fly-bitten callet.” I said disgustedly, imagining of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I distinctly had a great time. "So did Draco", he growled incoherently. After the concert, we ravenously quaffed some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We of a certain disposition got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Expanse of aldertrees and pollards!

Bonus! The really bad smut!

And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we eagerly began to make out keenly against a tree. He was a snub-nosed, flat-browed, common-faced boy; he took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the inaugural time. “Oh! Nevermore! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was commencing to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale white-robed form zealously became all warm. "And then…" said she, in the same hurried passionate whisper. “WHAT THE HELL ARE THOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

Why did I do this? Oh, yeah, cause it was fun.

#my immortal #rewrite #friedrich nietzsche #william shakespeare #fyodor dostoevsky #emily dickinson #charles dickens #edgar allan poe

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omegaverse-seeker · 8 years ago

Note

Headcanons for an Alpha feeling a little bit jealous towards their Alpha child getting a lot of attention from their Omega? ;) The Alpha can't even get any alone time with their Omega because the child would never leave the Omega. XD

Omfg, this is hilarious. Of course I do some headcanons for this. Sorry this is so late. I’m slow and shitty, lol.

- alphas scenting the heck out of their omega, making sure no scent of the pup is on their omega. then they look at their pup in disbelief as they intentionally nuzzle and scent their omega mother, showing that they are here now and to stay

- omfg sexy time, i’m deceased. imagine the alpha and omega just about to get freaky, but going soft/having to stop when their alpha pup calling out for their mother. they are just like “:)))” lying in bed with blue balls

- alphas pouting as their mate is just cooing and doing a baby voice for the pup, missing how the omega would do it to them when they would cuddle

- pup will be hanging off their mother cuddling and nuzzling with a purr, each time their alpha comes closer, they will start crying/whining and the alpha will just huff and puff

- alpha will be very adamant with putting their pup down for a nap, and then sighs deeply as soon the pup wakes up with hearing their mother

- omega telling pup that he/she/they love them, and the alpha is just all pouty face until the omega tells them they love them too

- alpha looking a little smug when the pup is put to bed even though they want to be with their mother, alpha has their mate all to themselves...until the monitor goes off and the pup is now smiling smugly at their father

- when the omega announces that their pup is their big alpha love, the alpha pouts and grumbles “i used to be the big alpha love”

- pup hanging with their father, and them asking for their mother. making the alpha a little sad and frustrated that the pup doesn’t want them and only wants the mother

- pup’s first word is a variation of mom, which just makes the omega absolutely gush over their pup

- maybe the omega even knows that their alpha is jealous, so they try to make their alpha jealous with saying certain things to get the alpha clingy and cute

Alpha loves their pup, don’t get me wrong. The Alpha loves that their pup looks like their mother, a sweetie pie with the fierceness of being an Alpha. They are still head over heels for their pup, they just wish that they could have sexy time with their Omega for like two minutes.

Hope you like these headcanons, love.

#omegaverse #omegaverse headcanon #a/b/o verse #a/b/o headcanon #a/b/o dynamic #anon

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wayneooverton · 6 years ago

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That one time I crashed a scooter in Bali

A week ago I found myself upside down in a ditch full of wet cement in Canggu, Bali.

In that moment, only one thought crossed my mind: why me? Why is it always me?

A veritable magnet for disasters, especially while traveling, for some unknown reason misadventure and misfortune often follow me on my travels and remains a constant presence in my life, like a problem zit or an annoying cousin.

Sigh, where do I even begin?

I know, watch this video below. Like right now. Let’s start there.

View this post on Instagram

Scootering in Bali is easy, they said…😳 (wait for it) @georgiarickard @laurenepbath

A post shared by Liz Carlson☀️Young Adventuress (@youngadventuress) on Feb 24, 2019 at 5:08pm PST

A little over a week ago I flew to Bali with my business partners, Lauren Bath and Georgia Rickard, from the Travel Bootcamp for a week of work, smoothie bowls and deeply uncomfortable humidity.

Being based in Australia (them) and New Zealand (me), Bali is a fabulous and super affordable place for us to meet and work; I constantly am asking myself what the hell am I doing living in Wanaka paying $5 for avocados when I could be living on the beach in Bali for a quarter of the price drinking 20 cent coconuts.

But I digress.

We stayed in a rather ridiculous fancy villa in Canggu (aka the town that Instagram built) which was not much more than rice paddies next to a surf beach on my last visit to Bali. Now it’s a thriving hub of millennial cafes, trendy co-working spaces, and lots and lots of people on scooters.

I didn’t want to like it but I loved it.

It’s like Canggu grew into a place for people like me, a hub for solo digital nomads looking for a place with a cool vibe to just hang out, work, create and relax.

Luxury 3 bedroom villa in Canggu in Airbnb – use this link for $50 of credit

The first day I woke up and walked 15 minutes to town to a cafe for brekkie and a coffee, and by the time I arrived, I was pouring with sweat and so uncomfortable. Since it’s the monsoon season now, the humidity is less than ideal.

And it seemed to me like I was the only one walking, in my mind EVERYONE in Canggu was on a scooter or motorbike. Heaps of blond young backpackers, locals, even entire families were piled on this scooters whizzing around town. Even the dogs ride on the motorbikes.

Fuck walking and fuck this heat, I was gonna get a scooter. If they all could do it, so could I. How hard could it be?

Famous. Last. Words.

In an absolutely incredibly fit of irony, I had also just renewed my annual travel insurance policy with Southern Cross Travel Insurance (SCTI) here in New Zealand, and I was about to embark on a project sharing my work with them online and social media, mostly about traveling safely as a solo female traveler.

Being a magnet for destruction ever since my camel days in Jordan, for me it’s not a question of if but when next something will go wrong, and I learned early on in my travel career that travel insurance is worth it, even when I was broke. Also now that I do more adventurous trips to places like Kyrgyzstan or Antarctica, it’s often mandatory, so for the past few years I just buy annual insurance policies that cover me around the world.

AND YOU SHALL SEE WHY SHORTLY.

After sweatily walking my way back to the villa on a massive caffeine high and convinced that I was going to be the most amazing scooter driver in Canggu, I immediately perused heaps of travel blogs and guides for advice on scooter hires in Bali, and Georgia organized one for us asap.

You’re looking to pay between $2-$4 per day for a scooter hire in Bali, unless you’re completely swindled like we were and you’ll pay over $5 per day (still a total bargain). It was definitely recommended in all the blogs I read to wear long pants, closed-toed shoes and to get some practice, have an international driver’s license and insurance. And of course wear a helmet. Easy.

This might be my funniest story of all time

We got this. We are strong independent women with heaps of travel experience in places like Bali and very confident in our abilities to succeed at anything we put our minds to, i.e. not walking anywhere in Canggu.

But here is where I make the same travel mistake I find myself repeating again and again throughout my life. I read, prepare and acknowledge what I need to do. And then I do the complete opposite.

Why, Liz, WHY?! You should know better by now! Also, Liz, you do not have a good track record about not falling off of things, like bikes, horses and camels. You are not going to be naturally good at riding a scooter in a land of chaotic driving. But do I listen to that voice in the back of my head? Nope.

As Georgia and I announced that we were off picking up our scooters, Lauren, being the ever responsible one of our trio, looked at us, said something to the effect of we are total idiots and stayed in the villa. Her loss!

As I walked to pick up our scooters in cool confidence, wearing sandals and my short onesie (I’m sorry but it’s too hot to wear pants in Bali), I think the only thing I did right was have insurance, license and wear a helmet.

Getting Naked in Istanbul

All my plans of getting a lesson in a parking lot went out the window when were faced with a very casual “here you go, take it or leave it” attitude at the literal back alley scooter rental place. It wasn’t even a shop, it was a guy with a sign and a few scooters in an alley. Oh well, it’s Bali, just go with it!

Liz, don’t! Use your brain! You are 30! You know better than this.

Georgia and I looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders, popped on our helmets and hopped on our new rides. Very slowly (with everyone watching and commenting) we slowly made the short journey back to our villa, where I only almost crashed once making a right turn – they drive on the left in Bali.

Well, it’s suggested to drive on the left. The reality (from my experience) is you do whatever the fuck you want.

Driving in Bali is different. It’s organized chaos.

Everyone drives batshit crazy and it sort of all works, until it doesn’t work. For for someone who confuses the gas with the brakes with alarming regularity, I really should have had a lesson before entering the Hunger Games: SE Asia Edition.

You beep the horn all the time to let people know you’re there; you beep when you’re passing and when you’re pulling out onto a main road. And you especially beep when you’re heckling Lauren Bath for refusing to ride on the scooters with us as we speed past her on the way home. Beep. Beep. Beeeeep.

I would describe the obstacles as something out of Mario Kart. The roads go where they want, often with scary ditches next to them (I now have a completely rational terror of ditches, having ended up in one), deep rice paddies that can easily consume a scooter (and regularly do – just Google the Canggu Shortcut), chickens, three-legged dogs, humans, monkey gangs, other scooters, other dumb tourists on scooters, trucks, rubbish, you name it, it’s everywhere.

Pay attention, beep beep!

Phew we made it home in one piece! A few hours later we headed out again, and this time is where I totally screwed it up.

Even though I talked myself through the whole process again, I managed to make the classic tourist mistake of trying to brake and accidentally yanking the gas and then slamming on the brakes, catapulting myself over the handlebars headfirst into a ditch. At least I assume that’s what happened. Luckily there were no witnesses, and I can’t really remember – yikes!

My thoughts after the initial “why me” and “am I dead?” were OMFG I’m in an open sewer. I’m in poop! I crashed into poop! WHY ME GOD WHY ME?! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS?

A quick sniff confirmed that it was not in fact in open sewer, rather it was thick mud-like cement. I tried to move, and couldn’t. OMG I’m paralyzed. Oh wait, I’m just quite literally stuck in the cement.

“Georgia, help!!!!” I hollered, wiggling trying to lift my cement-laden helmet head, before I just started to laugh. I was completely glued to the cement.

Hearing my giggles, I hear Georgia calling to me as she walked back to my empty scooter. Where is Liz?

All of a sudden I see her peering over the side of the ditch looking at me and videoing the whole thing on her phone laughing hysterically! With my legs in the air, my undies on full display and my head stuck in cement, I can only just imagine what a sight I was to behold.

Screaming at her that this video will never see the light of day, I start yelling for Lauren, who eventually comes out with a towel and they manage to drag me out, lovingly I might add.

I knew I would never, ever live this down.

Faced with the inevitable shame that there was no way this incident was going to stay secret, I chose to embrace my misfortune and share it with the world.

Eventually I came to my senses, and while the video does not demonstrate any of my grace and courage (which I know I have deep down) I couldn’t help but share it. Once I got over the shock of it all, it’s actually really hilarious. I can’t stop watching it, it makes me laugh so much.

And yes I know, I know how lucky I am. You don’t have to tell me twice. I’ve heard enough scooter horror stories and seen enough tourists with leg bandages in SE Asia to know I was a complete idiot and it could have been so much worse. I was really lucky to escape with just a few scrapes, bruises, and one ruined top.

In the words of Georgia, I’ve never been more “on brand,” LOL.

However, once I showered and changed, I got back on the scooter and practiced until I was a lot better. Not sure what that says about me, but I knew if I didn’t try again straight away, I’d never go near a scooter again, and let me tell you, driving scooters is super fun! I wonder how hard I hit my head? Nevermind.

Braaaaap!

Make of this story what you will , and let my video be a warning to you. Scooter driving is fun but dangerous. Don’t be like me and think you can just teach yourself. Always wear a helmet, and for god’s sake buy travel insurance that covers things like scooters.

What about you? Have you driven a scooter in SE Asia? Would you? Any stories to share?

And one more time for good measure:

View this post on Instagram

Scootering in Bali is easy, they said…😳 (wait for it) @georgiarickard @laurenepbath

A post shared by Liz Carlson☀️Young Adventuress (@youngadventuress) on Feb 24, 2019 at 5:08pm PST

Images by Lauren Bath, videos by Georgia Rickard

The post That one time I crashed a scooter in Bali appeared first on Young Adventuress.

from Young Adventuress https://ift.tt/2GYyvVB

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thevulernablepreacher · 7 years ago

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Energy Healing-Read it Anyway

Inspiration is a God thing. When it hits my mind is on fire. It courses through me. I LOVE it. Rarely am i somewhere i can write it down as its happening. I’m on the toilet or driving..recording doesn’t help. I forget i recorded and have zero to negative patience for listening back.

I read Lean Dunham’s piece on her breakup this morning when i woke up b/c it was front and center in my Instagram feed. IT’s gross how addicted I am. i had been looking at her photo’s lately, wondering if she’d broken up. I sensed it. The energy surrounding here screams it. She’s been looking so clearly sad behind what looks like attempts to put on a strong and happy front .

Someone wrote a reply saying so. I wanted to annihilate that person. I cannot tolerate the ease with which other people decide they're on an intimate enough basis to say this kind of shit to pepole. Of course she looks sad you ignorant fuck; you think she doesn’t see that or know that? She’s a fucking creative genius living in her emotions at every flipping second. So that’s not a helpful reflection.

I hate the word trigger but that comment clearly did just that to me. But that’s not at all what i want to write about.

What happened when i read that was that i fell in love with LD again. She blows my mind. She is an INCREDIBLE writer. She can talk about shit that we all talk about and experience in a way that no one articulates it. She has this special sauce ability with language to get into the nooks and crannies like a Thomas’s English muffin, so deeply descriptively.

I fell in love and i was jealous..so fucking jealous. I want to write that well. I want to be that fucking famous; not for fame sake, but i think maybe for the flow of cash (so i could work from an Adirondack chair) and for people desiring to hear more from me and thus paying gigs would fly in..a beautiful viscous cycle.

I had a mind blowing energy healing session yesterday and one of the things she said to me was, “I can just imagine your next speaking gig when you show up completely authentically; how powerful that will be.”

Well, i had that next gig this morning. I had to read a “purpose and overview” statement to my networking group at 7:15 am. i wrote it last night. I took two bowls of ground curried lamb topped with black salt, and three cups of chamomile tea get it good and done. It took probably an hour and 1/2 to complete. I love it and its torturous.

I read it this morning and i will tell you i was amazed at my sureness confidence. No longer is my voice shaky when i speak. I”m finding that to be true in my speaking club group too. I just feel right; strong, upright, grounded. I was listening to myself and i thought, “God, this is really good.”

I was speaking to a room full of humans of an incredible caliber. They are all seasoned vets, with solid truly “successful” and thriving businesses. More importantly, they are also stellar humans.

Interestingly there’s a lot of lesbians in this group. We have the woman who brought Title IX to Yale, back in the day. She was also the first female plumber in the state. She’s unbelievably awesome. We have an amazing acupuncturist and a landscape architect to die for: all lesbians. Amazing, so cool.

And in terms of men; stellar men. Incredible to be able to say that; and its true.

One of my mentors and fav’s among uttered, “wow” when i finished reading. Another caught my eye from a distance, beamed at me and gave me the thumbs up.

They’re all human of course, even though i pedistalize them (constant challenge for me). They've al made gaffs in the building process. I of course LOVE to hear about them. Nothing more fulfilling than hearing about stellar fuckups made by people i so admire. It takes a ton of come to Jesus moments, courage and perseverance to create a business, build it, hone it and nurture it constantly. Beyond belief.

The first thing i thought when sat down was: “is that what i’m supposed to be doing, speaking publicly”? The answer is yes. I’ve known this ALWAYS.

That question came this morning though b/c my energy healing session was about clearing a blockage between my solar and lunar chakras. She said she’d never seen a more perfect and equal imbalance. she was psyched and I was psyched. she cleared it.

The imbalance was making it impossible for me to live my life’s purpose.

I knew exactly when the imbalance came in. It happened after the best six years of my adolescence. And ironically i have been through 6 years physical pain, illness, total annihilation of feeling like Emily. So the six year thing she thought was incredible. I guess the jig is up.

What i learned: ANYTIME one has pain or feet issues it is because they are having Lunar issues. FASCINATING to me! Can you imagine if we all did energy healing instead of taking pills or having surgery? WTF!!!!!

Anyway a part of me got scared when she talked about showing up now authentically. Could i do that after mastering looking like i was showing up authentically so well? What would that feel like?

I talked to her about how I am able to create great intimacy, make people laugh, connect, when i speak publicly. So I am living my life purpose..sort of; the blockage part is that i keep the all at a 5 feet distance.

She asked about friendships; which ironically my former therapist asked me recently through an FB chat we were having. I said i have them; very close one’s but i never see them; any of them. it’s always been a source of great pain.

I don’t have daily intimacy. It makes me so so sad. You know those people who command the stage and can’t bear talking intimately with a group? I’m not that person. I have very intimate interchanges and time with close friends ..but it’s far from often. And when i do I then go home alone, and spend inordinate amounts of time alone.

Some of that is okay..but id prefer less at this point. Pain and illness have made that alone time grow; but it has been there since as early as I can remember.

And while i would love a best friend/partner who makes me laugh and with whom i can go to the movies, hang out, talk about nothing and everything with; i also stay away from it b/c i think it would suck to be with someone who has such intense forward and backwards and ups and downs..id be afraid of bringing them down and of becoming dependent upon them.

I know. I have a fear of true intimacy. I come by it so honestly it’s beyond.

I blocked off from true intimacy b/c performing was exhausting; performing in real life. i learned in my house that revealing all of me was going to receive very intense judgment and rejection.

Ive had two long term lesbian relationships. They were both abusive. Im so different now; that would not happen. And i think the right person will show up when the time is right; but i keep feeling like that may be close. I have a great curiosity as to what that will look like. It will be something i’ve never known before. This much I know.

I’m writing all of this b/c during the energy healing session my feet were buzzing. Afterwards i was able to walk in my adidas flip flops with the nubs comfortably for the first time in months. I was elated.

I thought...this shit works.

I talked about my very clear image of myself in my 60′s galavanting all over the globe with a partner having the time of my life; pain free; joyful, healthy. She asked that i write about the crazy creative that i was at Far Brook when i was a kid; when i was encouraged every day to be as insane and out there as I could possibly be.

My surrogate grandfather Mr. Finckle, would sit in the back of the hall while i did this larger than life evangelical thing. He loved it. My friend Donna would play some soap opera music and gospel music and i would just go. If I was watching myself now i think i’d find it hilarious. I was off my rocker in the best possible way.

I did this every day all day for 6 years. I laughed straight for 6 years. it never occurred to me to button up or quiet down. My music, humor, authentlic prowess, improv gifts were living LARGE. It was a magical creative faucet turned on and flowing at full force.

That’s me. That’s my essence.

I remember being at a visual art opening this past winter at a crystal gallery (yeah, really). I was being told as the artist was playing her violin. That not only did she create art. she was clearly a musician, and a writer. I thought: Jesus this art is hideous; but regardless, she has as show and is playing her music at her show and people are here loving all of it! WTF. And i thought, i too am a musician and an artist..and used to produce on full throttle. What happened to her?

So this morning...i was wondering after i read that piece: “was i being authentically me?” I know i was talking to a bunch of business people...but i think i was being me.

Im working on that really consciously now. I told my energy healer that really me is kind of messy looking and tatted abundantly. I wasn’t messy enough today for sure. And i would LOVE a few more tattoos.

I walked by a woman looking like an artist coming home from yoga yesterday. She was disheveled and nothing matched. And i thought she was stunning. She made me feel completely at home. She was a huge reflection of me at my most creative self. She would have been floored had i told her how much i loved her look.

So i am trying to button down big time; to be me in the realm of business and the real world..and watching; seeing what that might be.

I write all of this because i left my networking meeting early. I was in a fuck load of pain. My foot is not healed. My knees were killing me. another part of my foot was really hurting and i though omfg i think i restrained the right ankle area again..this is of course not the left ankle that is always stressed and restraining if i have the boot on.

A couple of people asked me why was there if i was in pain. I was completely flummoxed and searching for the answer. Why was I there when i was in pain?

Because i didn’t want to be in pain; because i thought i’d be okay. Because i rarely cancel on business things. Lately I'm cancelling more and not feeling guilty.

I was so fucking mad at my pain this morning. I told people i was mad, over it. Tired of shelling out cash like an ATM to heal myself. O.V.E.R. IT!

I get to say that. I so get to say that.

Im over the shame and i’m over the isolation it causes..i do everything in my power to heal. I seek every possible Western and alternative person on the planet..and still I am in pain.

I’m also confused and not sure how to proceed. I’m not good at figuring it out.

And because i’m me, this is what i think: There is something that i am not getting. There is something about my souls path that i am not answering.

That’s why i ask: “am i supposed to be speaking and not building this business?” Logic to me, and the inner voice says, “yes, that’s right.”

My life should flow. My life can flow. My life is not flowing.

When i’m in pain its really hard to be positive. Someone used the word “positivity” today at our meeting..a visitor. No one in our group would use that word. I wouldn’t be in a group that did. I would be throwing up all over the group if that was the case. I can’t stand that word.

It’s complete bullshit. You have to get the core of your shit to feel positive..i think i’m at my core. I cannot stand “words or quotes of the times”..horrifying.

I also wonder: "If i start speaking publicly will my physical pain just go away?”

I’m an unbelievable magical thinker. So i think that’s what the universe is waiting for.

For today i will wear my cool blue Bomba’s peds with my Adidias flip flops b/c for some reason that seems to ease the pain a bit. I think it’s just because the feeling of the nubs takes over.

I have no cohesive ending here; i’m just ending.

#soulpurpose #energyhealer publicspeaking lenadunham writing tryingeverything'

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