#which is a long time driving for me specifically

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

"That said, both Styles and his therapist have questioned why he cares quite so much about being likeable. This is one of the things he thought about a lot in his big pandemic reflection. In part, it's a choice, he explained. He recalled moving to London after The X Factor and hearing tales of petulant celebrities screaming because someone got their coffee order wrong and deciding to never be that guy, to never give someone a petty reason to bad-mouth him. But more recently he's come to worry that the drive for approval came from a more complex place, a place of caution, fear, control." "Styles said he often spent interviews terrified about saying the wrong thing until he stopped to question what abhorrent belief or bizarre opinion he was scared he'd accidentally reveal and realized he couldn't think of anything."

"And he thought about the cleanliness clauses in the contracts he used to sign, which would dictate that they would be null and void if he did anything supposedly unsavoury, and about how terrified that used to make him. And about when he signed his solo contract and learned that the ability to make music would not be affected by personal transgressions, he burst into tears, a reaction he still seemed shocked by, retelling it to me now, years later. "I felt free," he explained."

"When Styles began therapy about five years ago [so in 2017], he was reluctant initially, feeling it was a music industry cliché. "I thought it meant that you were broken," he said. "I wanted to be the one who could say I didn't need it." He returned to the home theme that has underpinned our conversation, explaining that therapy has allowed him to "open up rooms in himself" that he didn't know existed, allowed him to feel things more honestly, where before he had tended to"emotionally coast.""

"Recently Styles began to work through issues related to intimacy, dating, love. "For a long time, it felt like the only thing that was mine was my sex life. I felt so ashamed about it, ashamed at the idea of people even knowing that I was having sex, let alone who with," he said."

"You look back, especially now there's all the documentaries, like the Britney documentary, and you watch how people were abused in that way, by that system, especially women. You recall articles from not even five years ago, and you're like, I can't even believe that was written."

He has been thinking a lot recently about autonomy, ownership, privacy. About what he should be able to keep to himself, what he should be able to simply communicate through his music without follow-up questions or prying. Around the time of Fine Line, he faced scrutiny around his sexuality. People became incredulous that he wore dresses, waved Pride flags, and yet hadn't clarified with precision, publicly to a journalist or on social media, the specifics of who he'd slept with, how he defined. This expectation is, to him, bizarre, "outdated." "I've been really open with it with my friends, but that's my personal experience; it's mine," he said.

Despite the acceptance that some things could, should, have been different, he still feels lucky every day, he said, lucky to make music, lucky to do what he loves.

"You can't win music. It's not like Formula One," he said. "I was like, in my lifetime, there will be 10 more people who burst onto the scene in that way, and I'm only going to get further away from being the young thing. So, get comfortable with finding something else that makes you happy. I just found that so liberating."

"I just want to make stuff that is right, that is fun, in terms of the process, that I can be proud of for a long time, that my friends can be proud of, that my family can be proud of, that my kids will be proud of one day," he said.

““In lockdown, I started processing a lot of stuff that happened when I was in the band,” he said. He thought about the way he was encouraged to give so much of himself away, “to get people to engage with you, to like you.” He thought about the fact that no baby photos exist of him that aren’t on the internet (you give a bunch to an X Factor producer doing a piece on your backstory without much thought, and suddenly your childhood is online). He thought about the journalists asking questions, when he was still a teenager, about how many people he’d slept with and how, rather than telling them to go away, he would worry about how he could be coy without them leaving the room annoyed. “Why do I feel like I’m the one who has done something wrong?” he said to me.”

— Harry for Better Homes and Gardens Magazine

[moody-alcoholic]

Special Delivery Service

Chapter 16 - The Request

Summary: Simon x reader, 4.8k words. New job, new challenges, new choices.

CW: Language, descriptions of weapons, panic attack, PTSD, bad radio etiquette? Bad radio coms, first draft.

AN: After all the hurt I've been writing I needed this.

Previous - masterlist - Next

AO3

You think John was the most excited about you offering to take everyone out suit shopping. He excitedly gave you the company card, a list of specifications and an address to a tailor. It’s in a shopping centre just outside the city. You haven’t been to  a shopping centre since the attack. The thought of going back into one makes your stomach turn. 

“Don’t let Johnny pick the lunch spot, last time he spent a fortune.” John says. You nod smiling. Simon said he would drive which made Johnny and Kyle go green. You’re not sure why Simon is a good driver. You give him the address and head to the car.

“I call shotgun!” Johnny shouts like a child running to the front passenger door. 

“Hey, that's my seat!” You call back.

“Yeah, let the love birds have the front seats.” Kyle says.

“So we can make out in the back?” Johnny teases back, winking at him and moving to the back door. You hear Simon sigh, you can already tell his social battery is at zero, and who knows how long this will take.

“You don’t have to come.” You say to him over the car before you both get in. 

“And leave you alone with the company card and Johnny.” He says, raising an eyebrow. You smile at him and get in. Johnny plays DJ, his phone already hooked up to the speakers as he fights over music with Kyle. 

“You should put some of Kira Nova’s songs on. Get to know the client.” You say turning back to look at him. The sound of bagpipes fills the car for the second time. Kyle is almost manhandling the phone out of Johnny’s hand as he protests. 

“If I have to spend another trip listening to bagpipes I will throw you out of this car.” Kyle says. Suddenly the music switches to pop, and a woman starts singing. 

“This is her?” Simon asks, looking over at you quickly, his eyes creased. You nod. “I think this was number 1 for a while.” You say. Everyone listens in silence until the song is almost finished. 

“You’re not going to make us learn the words are you?” Johnny asks, you chuckle. 

“No, you’ll have plenty of time at the concerts.” You look at Simon who sighs. Simon drives the car into a parking structure, nerves rise in you. It’s the first time you’ve been in a shopping centre since the attack. You’re gripping the seat belt as Johnny and Kyle get out enthusiastically and jumps out the car. 

Simon goes to open the door but he hesitates looking back at you. You’re still gripping the seat belt. Your breathing has picked up as you look over at Johnny and Kyle making their way over to the entrance. 

“Baby, you okay?” He asks his hand landing on your thigh and giving it a squeeze. It pulls you back to reality and you turn to look at him. His expression suddenly becomes darker as he turns in his seat. 

“I’m okay, it’s just.. It’s a shopping centre.” You say letting out a breath and unclipping your seat belt. Simon’s hand squeezes your thigh again.

“It’s okay. Do you want to go home? We can get a taxi back.” He says, tipping his head. You smile at him looking at Johnny and Kyle waiting by the entrance.

“No, I can’t let it control me.” You say. His hand comes up to your face pulling it to look at him. 

“You’re going to be fine. We’re all here, if you need to leave at any point then we will.” He says rubbing your chin with his thumb. You smile at him nodding. He leans over and presses his lips to yours, his kiss feels good as his hand strokes your face. You let his tongue run over yours, his movements soft pressing his body closer to you.

You want the kiss to last forever and not have to go into this centre just be here with Simon. There’s a knock on the car’s glass. 

“Hey love-birds, we’re on a clock here.” Johnny says as you break from the kiss looking up at him. Simon rolls his eyes and you both get out of the car. Simon waits for you holding his hand out as you walk next to him pulling your jacket closed. It’s cold, you can see your breath. It’s going to be winter soon, you’ll have to find out when the clocks go back.

You’re so stuck in your own head you don’t even realise you’re in the shopping centre until you feel warm and loosen the grip on your jacket. You look over at Simon who smiles at you squeezing your hand. Kyle and Johnny enthusiastically head up an escalator, you follow them a few steps behind. 

“Been here before?” You ask Simon. He nods, he’s pulled a mask up over his nose since you’ve walked in. He must have them stashed everywhere cos he always seems to have them on hand. When you make it to the next floor you see the suit shop from a mile away. Conveniently next to a wedding gown store. 

You follow Johnny in as a man comes from round the counter to greet them open arms. He’s an older looking man with a moustache and grey hair. You can hear him greeting them all by name. 

“And who is this lovely lady?” He asks you to extend his arm, you take it, telling him your name. He responds with his name; Greg.

“Simon’s better half.” Johnny Jokes already looking through a turnstyle of suit jackets. It makes you blush as the man looks up wide eyed at Simon. 

“So where's Johnathan? The man asks. 

“He’s swamped with paperwork.” Simon explains to the disappointment of Greg.

“So what are you looking for?” He asks, looking round at everyone.

“4 suits, for work.” Simon says as Johnny is taking different coloured jackets off the rack, Simon looks up at him. “All black.” Johnny huffs putting the jackets back on the rack. You smile at him, as he turns over to the all black jackets. 

“Is one of them for the lovely lady?” Greg asks, looking back at you and smiling. 

“No, she's just here to watch us dress up.” Johnny says heading through to what looks like the changing rooms. Greg chuckles and follows after him as you all walk through while Johnny waits outside a room that says ‘private’ Greg walks up and opens the door. 

When you walk through it's another room, smaller than the main floor but filled with suits and 2 changing rooms. 

 “Just got a new shipment last month.” Greg says as he goes over to a jacket taking it off the rack. He holds it up, sticking his hand inside and spreading open a pocket. “You’re usual concealed carry sewn in, even a place for a bigger radio. These are American, the same ones the secret service uses.” 

“You say that about all your suits.” Kyle says walking over to Johnny who’s looking at trousers. Greg turns with him.

“Ah yes and the new trousers, elastic waistband at the back, and you can pick a left or right concealed carry slot.” He explains pulling a pair out. Simon’s hand rests on your back as you take in the scene. You should have known it was not going to be a normal tailors. 

“You okay?” he asks, you look up at him and smile nodding.

“We have new kevlar plates too.” You hear Greg say and Johnny makes an excited noise. “We’re only here for suits.” Simon says going over to them. You stand there watching and listening as they look for their size of clothes. Greg ushers you over to a chair as you watch him go back to fussing over the boys. 

You watch as they try on different size jackets, all the same though as per John’s instructions black suit, no tie, no waist coat. Steel toe shoes, white or black shirts. You’ve all ready seen Simon eyeing up the black shirts. 

“What’s the news on a tactical kilt?” Johnny calls from the changing room. 

“Not much market for a tactical kilt in America.” Greg calls while measuring Simon’s mid section. Johnny steps out from the changing room with his jacket open turning around. 

“What do you think lass?” Johnny asks, winking at you. 

“You look good.” You nod at him smiling.

“Here.” Kyle comes over to Johnny handing him a weapon. Your breath catches in your throat, you can hear your heart thumping in your chest. You see the black metal as Johnny puts it inside his jacket then standing straight. 

You remember the cold feel of the weapon you had in your hands, you remember it firing off, how the kick back felt. You can smell the blood. You swallow your throat suddenly dry. You watch Johnny taking the weapon out and putting it back in its concealed spot with no issues. You stand up your chest suddenly feeling tight.

“You okay lass?” Johnny asks. You open your mouth to tell him you’re okay but all you can see is the weapon in his hand. It makes the words catch in your throat. Panic rises in you. You need air, you need to breathe. 

You turn heading for the exit ignoring the people calling behind you. You burst through the door into the main store. You brace yourself on the wall trying to suck in gulps of air. 

Simon crashes through the door and you turn to see him. His hands finding your shoulders moving you to look at him. 

“I-I can’t breathe,” you manage to get out, your head swimming as you pant for breaths with a hand on your chest. You see a glint of something in his eyes as he pushes you through into one of the changing rooms.

“You’re having a panic attack.” He says his voice level as he gently presses you down on the bench closing the curtain behind him. 

“What that- n-not possible.” You say. You don’t have panic attacks, soldiers and abused people have panic attacks. People who have PTSD, you don’t have PTSD. 

Simon kneels down so his face is level with yours one of his hands comes round to the back of your head the other grips the hand at your chest. 

“Just breathe, look at me and breathe.” You try looking at his face, he quickly pulls his mask down before moving his hand back to squeeze yours. 

“In and out come on. Breathe with me.” He takes in a big lungful of air and you follow him after a few deep breaths the pain subsided and tingling picked up in your fingers. You suddenly feel sick, your head swimming. 

Before you can stop yourself, tears spill over your eyes. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” Simon says, wrapping his arms round you pulling you against him. 

“LT you good?” You hear Johnny call which makes you jump. 

“Yeah, we’re good.” Simon calls before he can come looking for you. You let out another long breath bringing your free hand up to wipe your eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” You say as a door closes. 

“About what? Nothing to be sorry about.” He says his hand moving to rub your thigh. He waits a few seconds letting you take some more breaths. 

“What happened do you remember?” He asks. You nod but you feel like you can’t say it something builds in your throat. 

“The gun.” Is all you manage it coming out with a sob.

“Ah, shit I'm sorry. I didn’t think.” He says his hands come up to find your face. You’re trying to shake your head. He shouldn’t have to constantly worry about you.

“It’s not real, just a prop Greg uses so we can test the suits.” He sighs, you don’t know if you believe him but you don’t care. 

“I should have guessed it wasn’t going to be a regular tailors shop.” You say smiling, his hand cups your cheek. 

“I know, I should have told you. I’ll warn you next time.” He says. 

“It’s okay,” you say standing up. “You shouldn’t have to worry about me-” 

He stops you planting his lips on yours. You close your eyes letting his hands run over you, as he presses himself against you. You can feel his warmth, his tongue pressing in your mouth, it's a familiar dance grounding you as you moan, letting yourself relax. 

He pulls away, you look up at him, his eyes twinkling in the low light. 

“Don’t worry about me, I will be here for you no matter what. I want to make sure you’re happy and you feel safe.” He says his thumb rubbing your cheek. 

“I am safe, I am happy. This won’t happen again.” You say, you want to believe the words coming out his mouth. For his sake at least.

“It will, but I'll be there, every time.” He kisses your forehead. “How about this, I’ll pay Greg, get the boys to take a taxi home and we can go out for a nice meal. Wherever you fancy.” He says. 

“I feel bad for leaving them stranded.” You say. 

“Don’t. They’ll be fine, besides they’re going to be here for a while.” He smiles. You nod, sniffling and composing yourself. His hands leave your body as he heads back into the room coming out a few minutes later. You loop your arm in his and you quickly walk out to the car.

“They didn’t mind?” You ask as he turns the engine on. 

“I gave them the company card and told them to treat themselves.” He smiles. 

“John left me in charge of that, he’ll be so mad if Johnny over spends.” You say gripping your seatbelt.

“Let me worry about Price.” Simon chuckles. “So where do you want to eat?” 

You look out the window as you drive out the parking garage. It feels like a weight has been lifted as soon as you’re out to the main road. 

“Pizza.” You say reaching over to squeeze his thigh. You looks at you smiling. 

You’re back in the city centre at some Italian place that you’re sure is way too fancy. You feel like you should have made a reservation but Simon seems to be chummy with the maître d' and before you know it you’re being seated and offered complimentary champagne. 

Simon refuses but you gladly drink it down after the morning you’ve had. You let him order, picking the food. 

“So does this mean I'm always going to be afraid of shopping centres?” You ask reaching over and grabbing his hand. 

“We’ll talk about it another time. I promise. Lets just enjoy lunch.” He says.

“I love you.” You say squeezing his hand.

“I love you too.” He smiles squeezing it back. 

The food comes soon after, pizza’s and a caprese salad, plenty of garlic bread and enough chili oil you feel like you could drown in it. You eat and listen to Simon talk, he seems enthusiastic for once, the thought of the job behind him. For the first time in a long time it feels like you’re truly spending time with him.  

“I think I’m going to look for a new flat.” You say suddenly. Simon turns to look at you. 

“Where do you think you will move to?” He asks. 

“I don’t know, do you have any good ideas?” You ask watching for his reaction. 

“There’s nice flats in canary wharf.” he says. 

“Bit pricey.” You chuckle, taking a drink. He doesn’t seem to be getting it, your glances seem to just be putting him on edge. You let out a sigh leaning across the table to him. 

“I’m asking you to move in with me.” You say smiling. He frowns for a second. You lean back. Maybe this was a bad idea. 

“If you want. I mean you don’t have to. If you don’t want to. If it’s too soon.” You blurt out heat rushing to your cheeks. You feel bad but you’re already practically living together. Then he chuckles, you look up at him smiling at you. 

“What?” You ask, feeling really embarrassed now. He reaches across the table picking up your hand. 

“I was waiting to ask you. You beat me to it.” You look up at him frowning. “I’ve been looking for flats for the last few weeks. I didn’t want to ask you until I had a place I could show you.” 

“Really?” You ask not quite believing him. He nods.

“I love you, of course I would love to live with you.” He kisses the back of your hand. You get up off your feet going round to him and kissing him properly. 

 —————————— 

You’re rudely woken the next morning by John hammering on your door. You’re getting out of bed when he lets himself in. 

“What the hell! How do you have a key?” You ask, still rubbing the sleep out your eyes. He’s wearing a black suit and shirt. He holds up a similar suit in a bag. Simon comes behind you.

“Simon gave me a key.” He says as he throws the hanger to Simon.

“For emergencies.” Simon grumbles going to the bathroom. John comes over to you, handing you 2 radios and a phone.

“Work phone, keep it on you at all times. Gaz set it up with alerts for Charlotte, she starts spouting on social media let me know.” He says you just nod at him taking it all in. He turns around to see the bathroom door closed and the shower start.

“No time for a shower Riley, we’re already late!” He calls. You hear the shower turn off. 

“What’s going on? I thought we weren't needed for a few more days.” You say looking down at the radios and earpieces. 

“She wants us to be there for her rehearsal, it will give us a good chance to test equipment.” John says. You nod, sighing and heading back out the door. Simon comes out of the bathroom half dressed buttoning his shirt up. He does look good in a suit. 

“Good morning.” He smiles. 

“Morning.” You smile back at him, putting the radio’s and phone on the table. You dress as quickly as you can pulling on the clothes you had ready for the first day. When you come out Simon is fully dressed he already has his mask tucked under his chin. 

You go over to him untangling the mess of radios. He comes over to you with one in his hands. 

“You look good, very smart.” He hums as he attaches the radio to the front of your high waist pants. You can’t help your fingers moving over to him as he fiddles with the wires.

“Don’t look too bad yourself.” You say. He does look really good in a suit. He pushes your hair behind your ear pressing the transparent earpiece in. 

“Comfy?” He asks as your hand goes up to feel it. You wiggle it before nodding. He smiles, kissing your cheek connecting his own up. He has a special hidden pocket, his jacket hiding the bulky black radio perfectly. You feel out of place with yours just stuck on your hip. 

“It’s already tuned, we’ll always be on the same frequency.” He sighs. 

“What?” You ask.

“I don’t know how to teach you years of radio etiquette in a few seconds. His hand runs up to turn your radio on. You hear a click and a burst of static. 

“This is your volume, this is where you speak, you will have to press and hold the button. There’s a slight delay so wait a second before talking. Like this.” He presses the button on what looks like a volume controller. It’s stuck on the pocket of his vest. 

“Soap, I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long.” He says smiling. 

“Yeah?” Johnny’s voice comes back in your ear. 

“Yeah, There’s something fishy about that place.” Simon says. You chuckle. 

“Will you two hurry up? We were supposed to be there at 9.” John says. You look down at your watch, it's almost 10. Simon smiles as you follow him out the flat locking the door behind you. It feels strangely powerful dressed in a pants suit and an earpiece. 

“Do you have to say over and copy and all that stuff?” You ask as you walk to the car waiting outside.

“You don’t have to. I’ll tell you more when we’re there.” He says opening the door for you. Kyle scoots to the middle and you get in. 

“Looking good lass.” Johnny calls leaning over to see you. You smile at him but you can’t tell if he’s mocking you or not. You’re too tired. The drive to the O2 goes quicker than you think. John drives through some gates and round into a staff car park. There’s a massive tour bus parked near some open doors. 

You assume since the bus has a massive billboard of her latest album plastered on the side it belongs to Kira. 

Everyone gets out of the car and one by one John gives orders out with each person leaving until it’s only you and John left. John leads you through to a room and when you walk in it looks like a green room. Sofas and coffee table with magazines, refreshments including a coffee machine and water cooler. 

The thing that makes it stand out though is the desk with multiple monitors. You can see some of them are looking at the main stage with lights flashing. John walks over to the desk pulling the chair back. 

“This is where you’ll be. Watching us.” John says you walk over sitting in the chair and pulling it under the desk. John comes behind you showing you how to control the cameras, and the rest of the software you’re not used to. 

It’s easy enough, you get a whole overview of the main hall and back passages all the way out to the back parking where you came in. 

“I’m assuming Simon gave you the baby's first guide on how to use the radio?” John asks. 

“Always says over and out. Don’t forget to always call John daddy.” You say teasing him. He sighs. 

“Keep the channel clear as much as possible, you’ll pick up when and when not to talk. Only use call signs.” John reaches forward and flicks open a book. “I wrote them all down, bravo call signs and the others.” 

“Ghost, Soap, Gaz. I get it.” You say looking down the list. Your name is there too. “Watcher one?” 

“Yeah, well, you are watching us.” He says. You nod looking up at him. 

“Anything else I need to know?” 

“You’ll pick it up, I promise. It’s not as daunting as it seems.” He says placing his hands on your shoulder and squeezing. “We’ll take the next few days to test things out, get used to things.” 

“I’m sure I'll figure it out.” You promise him. 

“Yeah you will.” He steps away from you. “C’mon we need to meet with her and her manager. Get instructions from them, paperwork needs signing.” 

You nod, getting up and following him through the back passages of the building, past more greenrooms, changing rooms, the things you would expect to see behind a stage. When you make it to Kira’s room you see Kyle already waiting outside. You watch John talk to Kyle who’s leaning up against a crate of something. 

“How’s it going lass, Price talked your ear off?” He asks, throwing his arm around you. 

“Yeah, he told me all about the real reason for your call sign. You stuck a bar of soap up your ass.” You say. He laughs causing John and Kyle to look over at you both. Johnny walks over to them with open arms calling over at John. You smile watching them as your work phone pings.

You bring it out looking at the notification. She’s doing it again, calling people out only this time it’s not the fan group it’s the terrorists. The same ones Simon was chasing. The ones who killed your brother, Hannah. 

You feel anger rise as you read them. 

“What the fuck.” You say anger thick in your voice you’re almost shaking as adrenaline pumps through you. How dare she. You look up and rush forward bursting through the door to her dressing room. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing!” She shouts standing up off the sofa 

“What do you think you’re doing?” You snap back, holding your phone so she can she. She squints at the screen. “You said you would stop posting.” 

“What?” She asks confused, shaking her head.

“My brother was killed. By the terrorists you’re so casually calling out. You might think you’re untouchable but it’s not you who will get hurt, it's innocent people. Like my brother.”

“Are you not going to do anything about this? I want her out of here!” She calls looking past you at whoever is behind you. You know John and Simon are there at least. 

“You did say you would stop the posts.” John says. 

“If you let them think they can win you’re just as bad as them.” She says throwing her hands up then crossing her arms.

“They’re not going to win. What do you think this is some kind of game? These people do actual harm. You can’t be that stupid!” You shout back, you’re shaking with anger. There’s sadness too, your brother's death can’t be for nothing. 

You always thought celebrities don’t care about regular people, this is just hammering that point home. Right now you’re angry and you hate her.

“This is ridiculous. I want you all out of here!” She snaps calling for her manager. A hand comes on your shoulder but that just makes you even more angry. You shrug the hand off and take a step up to her. 

“Look. I really don’t care what you say or what you think is right but you’re putting my friends lives at risk. You’re paying them to put their lives on the line for you. Every time you do this you increase the chance of them getting hurt, actually physical harm do you understand that?” Your voice is low as you look in her eyes leaning forward. 

You see something switch, there’s fear there, she nods closing her mouth. “I don’t care what happens to you but I do care gravely what happens to them. And so help you God if they get hurt because of your stupid, childish actions.” 

“What the bloody hell is going on!” A voice calls out. There's a hand on your shoulder this time pulling you back. You let him turning to look at everyone in the room and Richard, her manager walking in with a confused look on his face. Kira starts shouting as you walk past them all out the room. 

You hear John protesting as the door slams closed behind you. You’re embarrassed the adrenaline is wearing off. You’re thinking about your brother, he’s dead and she’s calling them ‘pussies’ for the world to see. 

Your hands are balled into fists as you look at the ground fighting back the tears. Johnny and Kyle don’t say anything as Simon’s hand lands on the small of your back. You step away wrapping your arms around your chest.

“I’ll meet you back at the van.” You say trying not to let your voice falter as you walk away without looking back.  

You’re half way through a cigarette when Johnny and John walk towards you. You take one last breath before throwing it on the floor and stamping it out. 

“I’m sorry.” You say as soon as John reaches you. He chuckles and you look at Johnny smiling too. 

“You don’t have to apologise to me.” John says. You let out a sigh, yes you do, he’s your boss you let your emotions take over. You should have been professional. 

“You did good.” Johnny says John holds his hand up. 

“She doesn’t want you near her anymore.” John says. You nod, it makes sense.  

“Yeah I assumed that.” You say taking out another cigarette. You’ve just smoked one but you already feel like you need another one. “I’ll just sit in the office, do all the paperwork. Hang out with William.” 

Johnny chuckles again. “You’re not going anywhere. She doesn’t need to know you’re around. We need you to do your job more than she needs to be happy.” 

“What so I have to hide now?” You ask.

“No, you have to do your job. Keep your distance, but more importantly keep us safe.” John says, stepping closer to you. You swallow hard, a lump in your throat. You don’t know if you’re ready to have their life in your hands.

“You can do that right?” John asks, handing you his lighter. You accept it, putting the cigarette between your lips and lighting it. You hand the lighter back to him. 

“Watcher one right?” You say turning your head to blow the smoke away. They smile and John puts the lighter back in his pocket. 

“Watcher one.” John replies.

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[gl1tchr]

Literally though and that’s what I worry in reeves verse with joker and riddler. Joker is just gonna get the “better treatment” which feels so unfair…?

Like obviously Batman has reasons to hate this riddler lol…but I hope he has a moment of clarity or something, he understands (maybe not consciously) the riddler and his motives, hell their parallels are endless

I hope it’ll evolve into Batman feeling guilty almost for basically creating riddler? I think in general he would, but specifically thinking in terms of “I’m sorry Edward”

Oh friend while I understand you, you Misunderstand me - I LIKE that Batman has that blindspot. It makes him a layered character. You're supposed to be BETTER, believe in GOOD and CHANGE, but for this man you don't? Why do you hold such contempt for this man in particular? And Ohhh how much better than hits in Reevesverse because Edward has DIRECTLY impacted his life in so many ways. I think Battinson will TRY to be better and treat Edward the same way he treats other criminals, with the expectation that they can heal and change, but I don't think he will ever be able to completely quell his contempt for Edward. I think he DOES see the parallels, I think he saw them well before like Joker said he did. And I think that's the thing that often *disgusts* Batman - Riddler is so much like him and is enrages him because he has the drive and ability to be good but doesn't, so even when he does try to get better, Batman still has this anger that he hurt so many people for so long, for what? So NOW you can decide to be good? You're too smart for that. You could've decided a LONG time ago. I LIKE Bruce having that blind rage, it makes him so interesting

[ghostsinthecellar]

the amount I do not want to go back out and do more errands is so high

[angeldcgs]

there were many factors at play when creating the taboo nature of lana and mr. landry's potential coupling— for one, there was the age difference. she'd thought it rude to ask specifically, but from what context clues she could pick up on, she'd guess he and his wife were around twice her age, but no matter the number, it was clear she and sully were in vastly different places in life with vastly different maturity levels. then, of course, there was the matter of him being her employer, and her landlord, and he was already married on top of that, which all combined gave him a great deal of power over her, and yet she couldn't help but feel like she was the one pulling the strings as she gazed at him from the passenger seat. as if she wasn't already worked up enough, there was just something about a man driving that really got her going, and she found herself becoming transfixed not by his face, or his broad chest just barely concealed by a flimsy t shirt, but by his hairy knuckles gripping the wheel. "i'm glad you came," she purred, lips slowly curling up into a lazy grin. no matter how hard she studied him, lana could never tell how exactly he felt about her. when she'd first taken the job, she figured she'd be dodging his advances left and right to try and form some basis of professionalism, but he'd been nothing but polite and respectful. at times he'd treat her with the detachment common for a boss, though as time went on and she became further integrated into the family, their dynamic shifted, lines blurring as he came to look out for her like one would a daughter. now that the incident at the party occurred— now that he knew what she used to do for a living— lana didn't know how exactly he saw her anymore, if it had planted some seed of sexual curiosity within his mind, or only made him that much more protective of her in a paternal sense. from what she picked up on, her attraction was far from one sided; it was merely a manner of helping him accept that he could act on his desires without jeopardizing his whole life. who knows? maybe she'd stumbled into that interview for a reason. perhaps some benevolent god had dropped her right onto his lap to help reinvigorate his lust for life, and he was just too boneheaded to accept it. "yeah?" her eyes were practically sparkling with intrigue, ink black lashes batting as she reached out to toy with the front of his shirt. "tell me about it..." her imagination was active, but she wanted something more concrete— had he merely engaged in the typical amount of debauchery for a man coming of age, or had he been particularly rowdy before marriage and fatherhood straightened him out? she'd liked to have seen him back then in his glory days, if for nothing else than to know for sure whether a mustache like that came pre or post twins. "i always do." as long as alcohol was involved, lana always had a good time, but going out now was almost bitter sweet when she remembered what she had back at home. "i should take you with me next time! maybe that'll stop random guys from grinding on me every five minutes." it was delivered in jest, though when spoken in her erotically inebriated tone of voice and when coupled with her sultry gaze which had drifted down to eye the crotch of his pajama pants, it may as well have been an invitation into her bed. "when's the last time you and mrs. landry went out, hm? you're always so busy... work, work, work..." the hand on his chest began traveling, working its way down to the waistband of his pants. "you work too hard taking care of everybody, mr. landry... who takes care of you?"

with lana safely tucked in the car, sully could finally let go of the breath he'd been holding and stop worrying quite as hard. he couldn't help but be a little frustrated at how long she had left him panicking about her well-being but it was a feeling that had been so easily overcome upon seeing her stumble out of the club, shaky on her heels as he'd expected her to be. focusing on getting her into his car in one piece had stopped him from getting too caught up in checking out the state she was in but once she was seated and leaning towards him, he couldn't help but notice the way her dress was failing to appropriately contain her breasts, the material only just managing to keep her from spilling out and revealing all to him. "don't worry about that. i'm glad you called." after a forced smile, he started the car and pulled away from the curb, away from the screeching drunks who had come to occupy the streets and back onto the road for what he imagined would be a mostly quiet journey home. she could've gotten an uber like she'd teased him about earlier but she hadn't, maybe she'd tried and failed but he had come through as the reliable option and that felt good. her playful accusation had him lightening up further, he laughed and shook his head in faux disagreement. he had plenty of stories he could tell if he wished to, many of which didn't paint him as the greatest person but they were all in the past, that version of him felt so distant from the man he had become and reminiscing was a dangerous game. it could lead to wishing to be back there, yearning for a youth that could never be replicated. lana still had plenty of time, to say he was envious wasn't entirely correct but there was a part of him that did wish for that freedom again. he loved his family and the life they had all built together but it had been so long since he'd given into any kind of impulses, let himself be driven by what he wanted instead of what was expected. "i had my moments." he glanced over to lana and made a conscious effort not to look anywhere but her face, a task that wasn't difficult with how sweetly she was staring at him. those huge brown eyes of hers made her look like one of the dolls his daughters cherished, so totally innocent even if he had the sneaking suspicion she wasn't so entirely wholesome. "did you have fun tonight?" after excelling at her job for so many weeks, a night off was well earned. it must've been a relief to spend a couple hours out acting her age, whatever that entailed.

[aroaceleovaldez]

HoO is so funny to me when you actually think about the ages of all the characters. Octavian is 18. Percy and Annabeth are 16, almost 17. Reyna is presumably 16. Frank just turned 16, Jason’s about to turn 16. Leo and Piper are like 15. Hazel’s like 14 and a half, and Nico is 13.

The Death Sibs are both the youngest and oldest on the Argo II. Octavian is a college freshman getting into petty drama with a bunch of high schoolers. He gets told to shut up at one point by a random 8th grader. Everyone is scared of the 8th grader. We Sent A 13 Year Old To Superhell and he came back weirder, Just Like Middle School. TLH was just three high school sophomores being sent to do a task and it going Exactly Like You’d Expect. Percy’s the only demigod on the ship who can legally drive (though Reyna gets her drivers license at some point before TOA). What Is Happening.

[averlym]

no one would notice if i ever vanished // if bodies could sustain // this never-ending army // like blood pumping through a vein

(click for better resolution!)

:OOO hello. anyway since these are all posters i'd have in an ideal world or smth and i'd like to store the high res versions somewhere,,, here's the google drive folder for them? hehe ''

close up!

[enhanced-operatives-division]

Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble

I will not be brief, all under the cut

To clear some things right off the bat:

No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.

Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality

The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.

This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.

Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:

Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.

All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.

Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).

And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.

At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.

I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.

Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.

This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.

It shifts something between them.

From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.

As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.

Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.

Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.

I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.

I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.

I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.

As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.

I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.

Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great

[chirpsythismorning]

I See the Light (Mike’s Version)

[mister13eyond]

talking to a friend about getting back into art and i think the #1 most important piece of art advice i could ever get or give is just "figure out what is FUN to you"

like i think there is sooooo much emphasis on how to build SKILL in art but a lot of it really treats art like a job or like video game grinding, like it's this thankless job that you have to work at in order to reach a Threshold and i know it's not EASY to make yourself have fun but like

imo a solid 70% of the reason i create art is because the Act of Drawing is fun to me. it's fun problem-solving and planning and putting down lines and playing with colors and tools. it's fun to depict little scenes in my head or to create outfits or to find ways to fill the canvas. never forget that creating can be fun. sometimes it's hard and sometimes you have to battle through your own blockades to get there but the ultimate goal should always be to ENJOY it, to find what you enjoy doing and then do it forever. improvement will follow enjoyment.

i think especially with all the debate about ML image generation it's more important than ever to embrace FUN. if you're only focused on the end result it's so easy to get in your own head- to think about what doesn't look good or what skills you don't have yet or to compare yourself to other artists. but photography didn't kill the art of drawing and AI won't either because, simply put, there will always be people who want to do the physical act of making art because it's fun to do! using paints and markers, splashing colors around, doing shitty pen doodles, using the symmetry tool in your art program to do abstract mandalas that are just squiggles formed into patterns. do art like you're 5 and you've been handed markers to pass the time. do art like you're bored in class and you're keeping your brain entertained by drawing stick figure comics in the margins. do art like an absent thing, do art because it satisfies your brain. the goal is not to make something beautiful and perfect, the goal is to make something because your hands need to make and your body needs to make.

[calciferstims]

tiktokers be like “I am going to create the most beautiful, relaxing, aesthetically pleasing video ever, with gorgeous lighting, and deeply satisfying content”. …….. “and then I’m going to cut the video fifty thousand times in thirty seconds-”

[deepseawave]

obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D

[avatardoggo]

sooo i gave FG his birthday present 😭🫣🥹

[teaandinanity]

It continues to give me the warm fuzzies that basically every person at work has said they'll miss me. And it's not really utility, even if I'm useful; I am not in a critical position. There are many people who can do the things I do, even if the majority are less experienced. I'm not management, or a lynchpin, just a long-time worker bee.

But people like me, and I just handled a Crisis Situation well enough that the AD took the time to personally thank me, and my manager was like 'not only am I willing to be a reference you can use my personal phone number if that's easier' and even some of the newest additions said they're going to miss me on desk, and I just.

I love my job and my coworkers and it's really nice that the people there know it and love me back.

[kalashtars]

planning classes has me going "hehehe *kicking my feet*" but i know as soon as i actually have to attend those classes my brain is going to be like "😐😐😐"

[averlym]

@remylong :