#which interfered with so much of everyone else's actions and we even addressed it before the session that it's a bad idea to cast this

[mayspicer]

Ok, the boss is no more! There were some super stressful moments but surprisingly we all survived o:

My animal companion got hit with disintegrate, but we had hero points to make him avoid it. I would cry actually, because disintegrate means no resurrection x_x

The war is prevented! At least this one, because Cayden's party is right at the center of a much bigger one just starting. Today we saved the country. Cayden is trying to not even save the whole world, just maybe slow the whole thing down and save as much people as possible...

[paragonevil]

I'm gonna be honest, as far as Aku, evil overlord dictator of an empire that's dedicated to wiping out most if not all of humanity, you write him too mushy. He's supposed to be a sociopath, from what we see in the show, but you have him being shipped with like, a dozen people. You write him waaayy too nice. That being said, I suppose if you didn't, you would have very limited interaction with people, and you've written out "development" for him, but the point still stands that he's way too roman

What do you think about my interpretation? | accepting!

ooc ★ Before I get onto my response, I’d like to thank you for having the audacity to send this. I feel there’s this unhelpful idea in the rpc that people have to agree with everything you post; and to say you disagree with someone’s interpretation is often met with ferocious resistance. But when I reblog memes of this nature asking for opinions, I want the good and the bad. I AM always looking to improve, and to not take criticism when I so freely dish it would be hypocritical of me, I guess. ( For lack of a better word, right off the top of my head. )

I COULD put this under a cut, but I feel this is important enough to just let it sit out in the open. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a while.

That said, two things for you.

Firstly, I LOVE writing violence! In fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s in my top two favorite things to write, right beside slow-burn romance ( and particularly one-sided yearning ). However, while I used to jump at every opportunity to write violence, I can admit I’ve since slowed down a bit. Not only because I’ve gotten progressively less and less people coming to Aku trying to pick a fight with him, but also because I’ve come to feel that fight threads without a purpose to further the plot are repetitive and somewhat boring. It tends to be a lot of the same-old same-old; repetitive actions, repetitive imagery. And yes, while this is a significant piece of his character in the show, and I love exploring it even further and particularly pushing the bounds of his abilities, if it doesn’t serve a purpose in the greater scheme of a plot or an arc then... Why waste your time with it? And frankly this goes for all repetitive actions, like gratuitous sex and slice-of-life. If it doesn’t serve a purpose to write, such as say to kill an important enemy or fight a significant battle or even to maim a loved one when he’s not himself and bring down the angst hammer, then? Why.

Secondly, despite not wanting to write violence just for the sake of violence... I can admit I want some conflict over here. But that’s just the thing. In Aku’s main verse he’s samurai-less. I did this simply because the NUMEROUS Jack blogs there used to be have since become inactive, and if my initial intention with Aku’s blog almost from the very start was for him to kill a Jack and switch over to my Bad End universe, I can’t very well have Aku always worried about a ghostly, intangible threat that he can’t confront. And of all the Jack’s on this hellsite, of which I’ve written with and followed more than a few along the way, I can only name ONE which is still active. ( And another which followed me today, on that note, but they don’t have a rules nor an about page, so. )  ...But that first Jack I mentioned, @sonxflight, we don’t really write anymore. Nowadays Dari’s been more focused on fluff / romance threads, and I’ve been more interested in developing Aku’s mental health. Aku isn’t gonna go out of his way to confront a Jack that he views as not being his problem. Dari’s Jack isn’t the one from my Aku’s universe. Dari and I just kinda tag each other in dash memes and comment on one another’s posts once in a while; and that’s about the extent I see action from a Jack nowadays.

I would LOVE some more conflict on this blog! But I’m not going out of my way to find it if it doesn’t particularly serve to further my current plot— which is Aku’s eventual ascension to Godhood at the end of this year. And that’s another thing, if Aku himself doesn’t stand to gain anything from talking to someone, inciting a conflict, or being a dick to somebody, he’s pretty much going to keep his distance. He finds most people to be a waste of his time; and this is nothing against other RPers whom I love seeing on dash! Because lord knows I’d love to push him to interact with folks. But if Aku himself looks down his nose at most people and finds them not only boring but also boorishly stupid, then there’s not much else for it. He sees others that come to him for money, freedom, and other boons in exchange for their services as nothing more than cattle; and frequently this is how his meetings with new people go. Meeting others out in the field is the best way to get a truly organic and not copy-and-pasted interaction out of him. And even then, there’s still numerous factors which would predicate how such an encounter might go.

Because there’s not too much conflict on this blog for now, I’ve decided to take greater liberties with exploring shipping and platonic relationships also. But for those of you who have followed me for a while, who have seen me mention on more than one occasion that slice-of-life threads aren’t really my schtick, I can understand why you might be a bit confused. Well, allow me to explain: the reason I’ve chosen to place greater emphasis on these kinds of relationships lately is to preclude a little RP / character bleed mishap which happened recently and which impacted my enjoyment when writing as him and even just simply being on this blog. And by ‘recently’ I mean slowly, over a period of the past several months.

Aku’s entire arc with Rick demonstrated to both of us that he’s in an incredibly bad kind of headspace in regards to healthy relationships on this blog. In his universe with Rick, basically all his ties are a result of his relationship with Rick. Bill ( wildgcd, whose blog has since been deleted ) and Ashi ( @tigersteeth ) are both inactive, and have been for months +. They’re the only ones with whom Aku has a healthy relationship that isn’t directly tied to Rick in that universe, and as a result he tends to rely quite heavily on Rick for his social needs. So when Rick left him too, Aku’s abandonment issues reared their head. Unhelpfully, mun has a problem with abandonment amongst a slew of emotional / psychological problems quite similar in nature to the one’s Aku suffers from— albeit with a fun little mortal twist. 🤗 So I knew I needed to take action so I could comfortably be on his blog in the inevitability that Stephanie goes on hiatus again. Which is why I’m trying to focus a bit more on building more platonic and romantic relationships besides the ones with Rick and co. that way Aku has more people with whom to spend his time when Rick is away.

Furthermore, now that Jack’s out of the picture regardless of verse, Aku’s allowed himself to focus more on making friendships and forming attachments just in general. One of the reasons he tended not to do such before is because he felt that Jack would kill whomever he felt close to in an effort to get to him. In fact, he even shouted at Rick for daring to mention that he and Jack could possibly work together to build a future which would be brighter and better for everyone; because he felt certain that Rick would wind up being targeted by Jack to get to Aku.

He’s started going to therapy, also, to address long-held mistaken beliefs in himself, too. Beliefs which interfered with the relationships he had tried to foster with others; it was enough to frustrate him, when he let himself acknowledge such, and he knew he needed to sit down and talk with someone professionally if he didn’t exactly have friends around per se with whom he could talk. Also, I personally believe he chose not to do such before, because his very existence was hinged on destroying Jack so he could conquer the universe in peace without meeting resistance. While he knew he was unhappy and knew furthermore that he had some problems that needed addressing— and had even made a thin attempt to talk about such with himself in show canon as you recall—  ultimately his mental well-being took second banana to making sure Jack was DEAD.

The therapy, coupled with his own slow internal journey, some perspective which was afforded to him during Rick’s absence, and some 4th wall Discord conversations has lent him valuable insight on the way he functions—and how Nightmare works too. Who, in many ways is just himself but with unchecked mental delusions and mistaken beliefs that had grown unchecked. He saw what had happened to Nightmare mentally, and didn’t want such a fate for himself. Hence the therapy and greater, braver attempts to let himself be closer to others.

Finally in the case of Bill and Nightmare... both of them take place in different universes, of course. Universes which in themselves were split just after the break up between Aku and Rick. Aku is still thoroughly alone in those universes, because again. He doesn't have Rick and all the people who were brought into his life as a result of his relationship with him. He’s at that point in his immortal life where he’d like to try his courage and test out the things he’d discovered about himself in therapy and in his personal self-explorations, and see about developing a relationship with someone with a fresh perspective with his recent failure as Rick’s partner in mind. Which is why he’s so amicable with them and trying to get to know them better. He wants to see what a healthy relationship, platonic or otherwise, developed on his own might be like.

However. I WILL acknowledge that Aku trying to make friends with people is ooc. It’s ALSO ooc for Aku to try fucking / romancing someone. There, I said it.

But you know why that is? It’s because that facet of his character was never explored in canon, even in all the comics, games, and the addition of the 5th season in 2017. So I suppose you could say that if I were to play him absolutely true to his canon material he’d only ever be a fucking mauling, mutilating, destroying, force of nature. Which yes, he still is despite my writing him how I do with a greater emphasis here lately on developing relationships with other characters. I ask you: isn’t the whole point of RP to develop dynamics and explore facets of a character that canon neglected? I could do fight threads all day, boy; but please ask yourself: how much would that really serve to further my interpretation and understanding of him, if at that point I’m just rehashing canon fights with a fresh coat of paint and different enemies? Whereas platonic and romantic relationships are a thoroughly headcanon and character-development heavy area for a character like Aku, who hasn’t had a single friendship or romantic relationship in his canon media.

And if you’d like cliff notes, rp examples of him being fucking EVIL, and links to evil headcanons I have you’re more than welcome to send a second ask asking for said information. But I think I’ve already given you plenty to think about and read, unless you’re some kind of masochist and want to torture yourself more with reading my self-absorbed and self-assured opinion. Thanks for making it this far, here’s your consolation prize.

TL;DR: Canon already gives me fights for days, boy. And while I thoroughly enjoy writing fight threads, they tend to be repetitive and exhausting if they’re not serving a purpose in a plot arc. Whereas things like interpersonal relationships for a character like Aku, who did not see such development in his canon media, is full of things to explore. And ultimately that’s what RP is about, exploring facets of a character which canon doesn’t explore for you. Once again, thank you for asking, and I hope this answers your question. I can provide examples for everything cited above, as well as fight threads and evil moments abound if you’d like. Furthermore, if there’s anything I do in RP which confuses you or which you feel is ooc, I invite you to jump in my askbox again with further questions. I’d be happy to explain my reasoning for ANYTHING I write!

P.S. I INVITE you to form your own opinions and compare me to my duplicates, 90-100% of whom are inactive. <:) Here they are, for your browsing convenience: @unspeakablyevil @akunoakuma @onibred @aku-blogs @shogundad Take a gander, consider what I just told you, and then see if you can hit me with this same anon again, yes? 😏💕

[narusakufantastic]

W.I.P

Growing up with two pro hero parents isn't that bad it's actually fun but there are some drawbacks. Like the fact that they are a little overprotective. One time when my quirk developed my parents put pillows on my hands so I wouldn't hurt anyone. That's because I have healing and super strength it works like this, the stronger I get the better my healing powers are. Another thing that sucks about having pro hero parents is that people think things are just handed to you. 

That's pretty hurtful because I work my butt off to prove that I'm just like everyone else. My name is Mayu Nabari the daughter of the hero Apollo and Madame Strength. I've had a pretty normal life I have an older brother Souma who I'm pretty close to and I've made a few friends. My best friend is Neito Monoma we've done pretty much everything together. We both applied for U.A at the same time but then after I got into class 1A and he got in 1B there was a rift that was forming. 

He seems so angry and bitter now like every time I see him, he looks so angry with burning hot glare. That burns into the back of your head. I don't know what to do every time I try to talk to him we end up arguing and I end up with a pit of guilt brewing in my stomach. Am I that bad of friend to not understand what's wrong, for not understanding why he's so bitter?

We were supposed to be there for each other but now I'm not sure. I have other friends like Todoroki, Kendo, Hitoshi, Yamaguchi, and others."Hey Nabari-Chan!" I hear from the bubbly Ami 

Yamaguchi. "Oh, greetings Yamaguchi." 

"You ok?"Her voice had some mild concern in it.

"Yeah, I just got lost in thought, "I told her not voicing my concerns with the Neito Monoma situation.

"Well if that's the case mind if we sit with you at lunch?"Yamaguchi asked.

"No of course not."I give her a gentle smile. 

I watch her grab our purple-haired tired-looking friend Hitoshi. “Come on!” I can hear Yamaguchi giggling as she practically dragging him.

Ami Yamaguchi and Shinsou Hitoshi both of them use to be in C class now they are in B class. They’ve been secretly dating for a couple months at least maybe longer. Even before that it would be weird seeing one without the other. Meeting them was one of the best things to ever happen. I could go on and on but that would take forever and we have more important things to address.

Like the fact that I can feel someone glaring at me, so I turned around to who it is. Can you guess who it is I’ll give you a hint? He hates A class, he’s my childhood best friend, and he has a copy quirk. Yeah, it’s Neito because who else would it be but I don’t know what we did this time. “Hey what’s up with him this time?” I asked.

They look at each with a confused look on their faces as if they expect me to know. There was an awkward silence that felt like hours of us not talking expecting the other to say something. Only to be broken by Neito walking over to our table “Why is it that you always have to be in the spotlight?”

I blinked several times in confusion not understanding at all what he meant. “I’m sorry what do you mean?” I asked him clearly lost with a confused look on my face.

That clearly annoyed him as he gave me the same kind of look Bakugou gives me when don’t listen to him. The look that screams get away or I will hurt you, where it looks like you're going to pop a blood vestal. “How could you not know!?” He asked almost full-blown shouting at me.

“Umm Nabari-chan you’re all over the news.” A quiet squeak came from Yamaguchi as if she was afraid to tell me.

“Wait I am?” I look back at her with a shocked look of confusion. I tried to think of any reason why I would be all over the news but then it hit me. I had left with my dad who's been a teacher here since we got the dorms to pick up something I had left at the house. When somehow I don't know how but The Marionette spotted us and a fight ensued. My mom ended up interfering but The Marionette got away. "Neito look I wasn't trying to start anything I swear," I spoke to him very calmly not raising my voice as would just make it worse.

"Tsk doesn't matter not like you care."He said with a hint of anger behind his voice anger towards me.

Kendo walks over to put a stop to this about to karate chop Neito when I stop her. "It's fine really you don't have to, "I told her wanting to avoid making things worse than they already are.

"Are you sure?" she asked and looked at me with a concerned look in her eyes.

"Yeah it's fine, don't worry about it, I can handle this."I weakly smile trying to hide the fact that I was hurting on the inside.

"Okay," she said with a little uncertainty in her voice.

I got up and stood there with my arms crossed trying to hide the fact that his comment did upset me. "I'm sorry that I'm all over the news it's not like I try to believe me. I try to stay out of the public eye as much as I can."

"Yeah must be nice have pro hero parents and being able to get anything you want!" he pretty much shouted at me.

Honestly, it took pretty much everything in my power to no cry. "Excuse me!?!!"I ended up shouting back probably not the best idea but that's what happens when you're full of emotions.

"I mean let's face it how else would you get into A class!" he shouted his voice full of anger and resentment now that one really hurt. 

"SCREW YOU!"I was so hurt by that comment he knew better than anyone how hard I worked and how I wanted to be seen as my own person. Heck, he was even there when I dyed my hair.

I immediately burst into tears and ran out of the cafeteria straight towards the dorms. This is the first time I have ever skipped any of my classes. Instead of curling up in a ball and crying my eyes out I decided to take out my feelings in my room. First thing I did after getting into my room a punch the punching bag that was hanging down from the ceiling right off the hook. The second thing I did was punch a hole a big one into said punching bag not some small quarter-sized hole a big bowling ball sized hole. I basically tore up my room and from the punching bag was everywhere, pictures were on the ground, and broken glass shards everywhere. Finally, I do what would be considered normal I climb onto my bed and sob. "How can I be a true hero if everyone thinks I'm here because my parents are heroes?"I asked myself still crying my eyes out. 

After probably hours of crying, I hear a knock on my door. I reluctantly got up to see who it is drying my eyes and wiping my tear-stained face to try to hide the fact that I had been bawling my eyes out. I opened the door to see none other than Todoroki which shocked me because I was expecting it to be the girls, but knowing them they have something planned for tonight. “Oh hey, Todoroki!”I force a cheerful tone and smile trying to hide my pain but my room says it all. “Can I come in?” He asked sounding like he was concerned while still being monotone. 

“Umm sure just mind the mess,” I told him as my room was an obstacle course. He walked in trying not to step on anything that was on the floor that wasn’t supposed to be on the floor when I hear a crack that sounded like glass breaking. 

“Oh sorry.”Todoroki apologized bending down to pick up what he had stepped on. I look over to see what he stepped on only to see it was a picture of 10-year-old me with Neito. “It’s okay it’s my fault for knocking it down.”I didn't want him to feel bad for stepping on it. “So this is from when you were kids?” He asked curious about my childhood with Neito. “Yeah, we just had won a race thanks to his copy quirk,” I said as a small smile formed remembering the good times. 

“You guys were really close I take it.”I gave Todoroki a miserable nod still hurt by what Neito said to me. Todoroki then did something that really surprised me he wrapped his arms around me hugging me. I hug back despite being shocked I honestly needed that after what Neito said. “Thank Todoroki I honestly need this.” 

The hug didn’t last too long but it was nice and I don't know if it was because of the fire half or not but the embrace was warm. “So...mine talking about it?” Todoroki seemed unsure on, whether that was alright to ask or not. “I guess.”I shrugged in response as I felt like I needed someone to vent to.  “So why did that comment make you so upset?”I could have guessed that would, the first thing he’d asked.

“Honestly had anyone else said that I would have been mad, but it wouldn’t have made me cry, it’s because it was Neito that it hurt so much.”His face looked like everyone started to make sense as I explained why. “I’m sorry.”Todoroki apologized to feeling bad that happened. 

“Don’t be it’s not your fault.” I hug him not wanting him to feel bad about what Neito said. “You know you can always talk to me if you need to?”He asked me this time he was hugging back. Truth be told I didn’t want the embrace to end it was warm and comfortable plus I really liked Todoroki. “Do you want me to help you clean up this mess?”

“Yes, that would be nice.”I smile and nod as we clean my room.

 “You’re going to need a new punching bag.”

 I giggle at him pointing out the obvious. “Yeah, I punch things when upset.”I hear a small chuckle come from him. After what I won't say was 15 minutes of cleaning the room was finally clean.  “Thanks, Todoroki.”A piece of my hot pink hair had fallen in my face and he gently pushed it out. That action caused me to blush a little but I hid it well trying not to make my feelings obvious to everyone.

Todoroki gave me a small smile it was nice because he doesn’t show it often. It didn’t take me long to notice that I forgot to put back up the sign of Mineta’s with a big red circle and line threw his face. I think Todoroki noticed that because we bent down at the same and made direct eye contact. “Don’t worry Todoroki I got it."He nods getting up so he let me get the sign. I hang the sign back smiling “There we go now the room is back to normal.”

“Yeah...umm if you ever need someone to talk to I’m open,” Todoroki said rubbing the back of his neck. Hearing that from Todoroki just made my terrible day better “Thanks Todoroki I appreciate that very much.”

We eventually got tired of standing so we just sat on my bed

[thankyoumskobayashi]

The symbolism of changing clothes: Hualian and color schematics. (Spoilers up to Tian Guan Ci Fu Chapter 109).

In the most recent chapter, Xie Lian, Hua Cheng, Wind Master, and Earth Master all go to a small town where their flamboyant attire stands out. Everyone changes except for Xie Lian, who dresses casually because he has spent most of his immortal life wandering the mortal realms and therefore he is better equipped to handle them. During the protagonist's backstory, author Mo Xiang Tong Xiu states that Xie Lian has always like to wear white clothes, and reminds the reader of this fact throughout the previous two cases Xie Lian handles. In this case, Xie Lian's choice of clothing remains pretty static.

He had gotten wiser throughout the years, and grown to see (perhaps) the folly of his younger ways. He had grown resigned to misfortune to the point that he scared away Venerable demons because they couldn't feed off of his broken dreams. This is some serious depression right here. Even though his consistent choice of clothing paralleled his consistent personality traits, Xie Lian's clothing choice is perhaps symbolic of more meanings.

Taoism is the cultural paradigm pervading Mo Xiang Tong Xiu's cultivation novels (or probably cultivation novels in general, but I have only read hers thus far), and some of the things it emcompasses are the concepts of yin and yang energy. White, or Xie Lian's chosen color of dress, represents the masculine yin energy. It is, as Mo Xiang Tong Xiu states many times in Mo Dao Zu Shi, the energy of life, an active energy, and a force for good. This "force for good" was shown as Xie Lian modeled the perfect cultivation student as a Crown Prince, and it became his driving motivation when he reneged against the divine rules of interfering with mortal matters.

This active energy means he is by nature a proactive person. He created a sign saying "renovation needed" by his latest tiny temple, he didn't wait for reinforcements when he learned his idiot cousin was kidnapped by the rebels but left to rescue him anyways, he volunteered to help the noble family when they threw out a doctor to gain a chance at feeding the two kids. From the time he was mortal until Xie Lian's present day, he has seen a need and strived to meet it. Giving rain, saving the child Hong, helping the merchants in their caravan. He has a desire to provide for and protect others -whether from royal duty to the people or compassion matters not- which has become innate over 800 years. It's instinctive. He has become the model of yin energy personified, although his portrayal of leadership is not what one might expect.

The "leaders" one could think of are loud, commanding, in control of everyone and everything. However, that level of micromanaging may produce hostility, helplessness, and resentment among the subordinates. Xie Lian steps in as a leader only when no one else knows how to or even wants to handle it. His main goal is calming people during times of paranormal crisis, like his many attempted directions to the mob on the mountain, or the directions to the soldiers not to jump into the pit. He also wants to keep the others safe, which lends itself to his self-sacrificial tendencies. He understands that even his subordinates have a right to run away from the case, even if that strands him in a precarious position. He listens to their concerns and mediates their fights. Although this may seem like the caricature of the "weak" leader, Xie Lian's leadership methods show the people he works with that he is dedicated to providing their safety and peace.

Rather than proclaiming he will protect them, as he did when he was the Crown Prince of Xian Le, Xie Lian tells the merchants he will go with them and demonstrates through actions that he will protect them along the way. He used this method of showing before telling as he protected the child Hong (whom he'd first saved when Hong fell from the sky) from his evil cousin's murderous schemes. He ordered the carriage stopped, carefully picked up Hong, did some crowd control, then marched that kid right up to the palace healers. He showed Hong he was there to protect him, murmuring comforting things to him along the way.

That child, as you may suspect from Mo Xiang Tong Xiu's love for creating many identities for her characters, likely will turn out to be the devotee at the run-down Temple of the Flower Crown Prince, aka the Temple where Xie Lian first noticed and appreciated the white flower in his statue's hand. It was implied that Hong, touched by Prince Xie Lian's rescues of him, looked up to him even after Xie Lian ascended to godhood. Hong looked up to him enough to do something different than the rest of the followers: establish his own personal symbol for Xie Lian in the white flower, and actually listen to Xie Lian's instructions to his worshippers on how to worship him. Touched by these two things, Xie Lian protected Hong from the children bullying him and invited him to sustain himself from the fruit offerings given. Hong confessed that he didn't know what to live for and Xie Lian told him "Live for me."

With all the political unrest, drought worries, and epidemic to worry about, Xie Lian didn't remember this child was Hong, who he'd saved from falling and from his cousin before. He merely saved him again and left to do more martial-godly stuff. Eventually, Hong heard through gossip that Xie Lian was on the battlefield fighting the people who wanted to escape the droughts. That, I believe, was when he first began pursuing Xie Lian, probably beginning as a form of hero worship. He snuck onto the wall guard then, and caught a glimpse of Xie Lian and his assistants as they guarded the royal capital. They got notice that Qi Rong was kidnapped and Xie Lian, ever a man god of action, left alone over the wall to fight them.

Hong siezed his chance then and followed him to the mountain, even after he was vastly outstripped by Xie Lian. He still caught up eventually to help Xie Lian deal with the plants, and sliced them down in a fit of anger while they tormented his hero. At this point Hong only ever wanted to pay back his hero for saving him, but was forced to watch Xie Lian harm himself rather than injure the child nearby. Indecency aside, Hong was probably enraged by having to watch his idol stab himself under the influence of demon plants. From there, it isn't hard to imagine Hong learning, perhaps as a young god himself, the exact effects of those demons. He would have learned that Xie Lian would rather sacrifice himself than kill another person. And even if he wouldn't die, he had been prepared to make that sacrifice. It isn't hard to imagine Hong becoming enraged at those demons Xie Lian had faced, before he had known what they would make him do. It isn't hard to imagine Hong, a nascent Demon King, seeking out and destroying all of those kinds of demons in a form of vengeance.

By this point you have probably arrived at the same conclusion as me: Hong/Hua Cheng/San Lang is in love with Xie Lian. He is pursuing him romantically (as well as sexually, though I'm not writing this essay about that) throughout the eras. Yada yada, this was in the summary Mo Xiang Tong Xiu provided with her novel, stop telling me this. I get it. But she likes to take an incredibly roundabout approach to storytelling, not addressing these things until at least 20 chapters later. As of right now the part(s?) when these things are discussed by the characters in-universe have not yet been translated. So forgive my redundance.

Mo Xiang Tong Xiu likes to give color schemes with her main pairings. This was true with Wei Wuxian (red and black) and Lan Wangji (white and blue). It also goes for Xie Lian and Hua Cheng as well. Xie Lian is white, and Hua Cheng is red and black. There might be other colors mentioned for both which I haven't picked up on, so I will only focus on those three. This essay began with everyone besides Xie Lian changing clothes. Hua Cheng changed into black clothes from a previous outfit which was a white robe beneath a red one. Let's examine how that color psychology helps him pursue Xie Lian's affections.

First of all, the red and white. Red is the color of passion, anger, excitement, and danger. It is attractive and alluring. These adjectives all describe the person Hua Cheng became over his 800 year existence. They were shaped by his determination and drive, his tenacity and his passion. His love for Xie Lian shows in his fixing the door, kissing him in the lake, sending up 3,000 lanterns. His love is the kind of unbounded, head-over-heels timeless love we have heard about in the Odyssey: he is the one seeking to find his way back home, back to the person he belongs with. He said so when he told Xie Lian (paraphrased) "Paradise Mansion is a house but not a home. It doesn't feel as much of a home as your tiny cottage does." When he is at the shrine with Xie Lian he is laughing and joking, offering to do domestic things simply because he is content. Here, his red is affection.

When Xie Lian is in danger, his red becomes the red of power and anger. After Xie Lian got stung by a scorpion snake, Hua Cheng immediately stopped the swelling by cutting the wound with a borrowed cauterized knife and sucking out most of the poison. When Xie Lian jumped into the pit after him, Hua Cheng had already killed all the wolves and was waiting to catch him at the bottom. Heavenly officials all told tales of how he caused only death and devastation in his wake.

Perhaps, if he hadn't had someone to look up to, he would have already fulfilled that prophecy of destroying the world.

But with Xie Lian's influence, he had someone to look up to. He had some model of morality in the Crown Prince who had saved him three, four, five times without even demanding thanks in return. Hua Cheng had plenty of time to learn about Xie Lian's compassionate and just lifestyle through hearsay and word-of-mouth news. He had plenty of time to analyze on the actions he'd seen Xie Lian perform firsthand and gain a reasonable grasp on his personal morality. By adopting some form of Xie Lian's moral code, Hua Cheng chose not to kill the entire world. He fought his so-called destiny with Xie Lian as assistance. Or perhaps? Perhaps his evil fate, bound far in the distance like a train stop down the track, was entirely shifted, a shifting of the rails so to speak, the moment he heard Xie Lian, the god who didn't appear to mortals anymore, whisper those words: "Live for me."

He truly took them to heart, although in a different way than Xie Lian probably intended. Rather than living out his life to make Xie Lian proud of him, he strove to become someone on equal footing to the pedestal in his mind he had created for Xie Lian. He strove to become someone who could properly charm Xie Lian and earn his trust. He wanted to be as powerful as Xie Lian was in his heyday. He wanted to have Xie Lian see him as a dependable and trustworthy person, but he probably ran into trouble finding the Flower Crown Prince after Xie Lian descended to the mortal realm for the second time. Everyone may have either made fun of Xie Lian when Hua Cheng asked after him, or flat out didn't care to learn or pass on his location. And so Hua Cheng made his own fortune, embraced his own power, became the Demon King who would kill everyone except the two gods who had formerly assisted Xie Lian.

If there is some plot to Xie Lian's second fall which complicates this somewhat--and knowing Mo Xiang Tong Xiu there probably is what with 135-6 chapters untranslated-- please know that it hasn't been translated yet, and that I am not a psychic. Anyways, when Hua Cheng 'first' appeared to Xie Lian, his clothing was crimson maple leaves on a white background. This shows that his own personality, vibrant and powerful, has been affected profoundly by the gentle, compassionate, noble personality of Xie Lian. He keeps Xie Lian's personality closer to his heart- and shows it to fewer people -than he does with his own personality. Hua Cheng said earlier on in the novel that he would give his ashes- his own biggest weakness- to someone worthy, someone kind who would guard them and do with them as they wished. And that if, at any point, he did something that person didn't like, that person could end him right then and there. Then he left the next morning, leaving Xie Lian with a ring on a silver chain. Suspicious? Hm. Coincidental? Very.

He has known Xie Lian for almost as long as Feng Xin, and nearly as long as Mu Qing has. He has known Xie Lian better than most other followers, since before he was a god. Hua Cheng even defied Xie Lian's orders of forgetting him, as well. That QianDeng Temple was probably built hundreds of years ago, as soon as Hua Cheng became a Demon King, and just sat there waiting for him to bring Xie Lian to see it. Since no one in the crowd was talking about it, and no one ever suggested going near it as a dare, it is reasonable to induct that Hua Cheng built it awhile ago, and Hua Cheng enforced strict punishments towards anyone who dared go near it. He probably tested out E-Ming on whoever tried to visit it, whoever commented on it, etc. Then the rumors got around that you'd be tortured for looking at it so everybody in Ghost City stopped. Once Hua Cheng showed QianDeng Temple to Xie Lian, he was probably nervous that he defied those orders, to forget the god whom he'd idolized, but luckily for him Xie Lian has a shitty memory and was impressed instead of embarrassed or angry at him. Xie Lian has mostly been ostracized from the Heavenly Community due to his infamy and wandering the mortal realms. He doesn't have people with a similar sense of humor to talk to, he's mostly lonely. Which brings us to the black robe: the role Hua Cheng dons in an attempt to win Xie Lian's favor.

In the yin-yang symbol, the two tapering swirls of black and white have a dot of the opposite color inside them. The white is the yin, and the black is the yang. Those two are eternally matched with each other for eternity, a profound meaning not lost on Hua Cheng when he chooses his clothing next. Since Xie Lian has no need to change his outfit, as he already blends in, Hua Cheng changes his own outfit to complement that. Yang energy in Mo Xiang Tong Xiu's novels is typically the energy of the dead, malevolent energy, the resentful power which a certain necromancer harnessed for personal gain. This kind of energy is what ghosts, demons, and the like all share, and as King of Demons it fits Hua Cheng to change to an outfit of its color.

However, the inherent paradox within their relationship is that fundamentally, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are pitted on opposite spiritual axioms. This is much more complicated than the "opposites attract" adage; Hua Cheng has similar strategies and theories to Xie Lian about the cases they solve together. Xie Lian is happy that his funny password made Hua Cheng laugh. No, there's parts of their personalities picked up by the other and folded into them, whether consciously or not. Hua Cheng's persistence at following Xie Lian during the Qi Rong's rescue becomes Xie Lian's persistence at hunting the fetus spirit, even if he has to swallow it AND his sword to do so. Xie Lian's intervention on Hua Cheng's death becomes Hua Cheng sending "greetings" to tyrants because he has standards for who's allowed to be on the throne, you know. They reflect each other, both looking in a puddle of water, both dripping from the blood of their casualties, accidental or not. The difference is, Hua Cheng can bear that weight of casualties differently than Xie Lian.

Xie Lian considers himself a has-been. He was great once, but not anymore. He failed to do what he'd said he'd do, and paid the price with followers and powers. Hua Cheng, after getting back into contact with him, is just as smitten now as he had ever been before. He showed Xie Lian a roomfull of swords just to hear him ramble for hours about how cool all the swords were and then told him, point-blank, "You can have all these swords." This Demon King wants to give Xie Lian reasons to be happy and excited again. He wants him to go on rants about the stuff he enjoys just so he can watch and listen to the Flower Crown Prince talk, his eyes sparkling, his expression unguarded and happy like he once was.

After they visited QianDeng Temple together, Hua Cheng explained to Xie Lian that none of his things could be stolen from Paradise Manor without his permission. Elaborating further with "...once something is in my hands, it's mine," Hua Cheng might be simply making things up sarcastically. Or, it could be one of the times when he is deadly serious and every word is accurate. We as a reader can't quite tell if Xie Lian is fully processing this, but he thinks to the first time he met Hua Cheng in the Ghost City. There, Hua Cheng had placed his hands carefully over Xie Lian's to help him roll two sixes on the dice. Did that mean he had already claimed Xie Lian as his? Does Xie Lian know the romantic implications behind that? Did he recognize the romantic intentions behind Hua Cheng's kiss? Mo Xiang Tong Xiu experience says that he didn't, but the clues are blaringly obvious to the reader.

Xie Lian has never left Paradise Manor through a door without Hua Cheng by his side. He has left through the roof, but that was one time. It will be interesting to see whether he can leave by himself later. Casein point: Hua Cheng built Xie Lian's door. Did he use the same spell on it that he did with Paradise Manor doors? If so, how can Xie Lian use it when he's not around? A viable explanation is that by giving Xie Lian his own ashes, Hua Cheng has granted Xie Lian co-ownership of Paradise Mansion and he will be able to go wherever he wants at any time. Either way Mo Xiang Tong Xiu chooses, this will be an exciting result. Through all of these cues and more, Mo Xiang Tong Xiu has shown us Hua Cheng's dedication and loyalty to Xie Lian, with his words, actions, and clothing choice. His name, however, as a Demon King: Crimson Rain Sought Flower, is incredibly obvious. The white flower is a symbol he personally gave Xie Lian after he ascended the first time. In QianDeng Temple, Xie Lian even holds it up and asks if "...this is the kind of flower [he is] pursuing," to which Hua Cheng, delighted that Xie Lian finally realizes his romantic feelings, replies that he has the premonition of gods. Xie Lian had only asked about the flower, not himself. It is unknown whether Hua Cheng understood that, but either way his tone reads as teasingly sincere.

One last thing: the whole "falling" in love thing. Hua Cheng fell from the sky in order to first meet Xie Lian. He was probably chock full of adrenaline and scared to death, but once those strong arms caught him and held him away from danger he felt safer than anywhere else in the world. He probably wanted to know more about the person who had saved him. I bet he manipulated the info of who saved him out of Qi Rong when Qi Rong's five hitmen showed up to kill him. I bet just knowing the name of the person who'd saved him was what drove him to fight like a madman to avoid dying by Qi Rong's interference. That led him directly to the carriage's path again, and then to Xie Lian's arms again. He was calm when Xie Lian was holding him, but no one else. He didn't give a shit when the Head Priest predicted a future of only destruction, but heard Xie Lian insisting that he was capable of doing good. This fundamentally changed him as a person, even if Xie Lian didn't remember it later. This, I believe, is the reason why Hua Cheng left the world largely intact. Plus he didn't know where exactly Xie Lian was, so he couldn't just destroy large areas without possibly creating a most unwanted casualty.

Falling from the sky, beaten and dragged behind a cart, accused of bringing doom, watching Xie Lian stoically face angry crowds, asking the god who no one heard from anymore why he should live. Watching the flower demons torment his hero. Although many assume Hua Cheng decided to become strong enough to protect Xie Lian at this point, it could have been a resolve building up since their first interaction. Whatever the case, suffering through watching Xie Lian deal with the outbreak, face the angry mob, get heckled as he held up the Pavilions day in day out, that was the acute torment which fueled Hua Cheng's determination to become powerful. That this remains his worst fear, even after he now is at LEAST as powerful as Xie Lian in his heyday, says much about how much he loves Xie Lian.

Pursue his affections, he's the kind who loves with his entire heart. And since you wear a white robe, his color, close to your heart, perhaps he is the person nearest and dearest to yours...

[isleofandroids]

Partners: Part Two (RK900 x Reader)

Fandom Detroit: Become Human

Word Count 1,873

Summary After being paired with the new addition to the DPD, you have to learn how to deal with the post-android events

PART ONE

Tags @x6-15 @sherlockspie @yallgotkik @avereality @riridmanngrl @jamiethenerdymonster @not-a-kat

—

The Detroit Police Department was buzzing with phone calls and randomized conversations between coworkers. Their voices filled the ears of the second deviant hunter as he sat at his desk, going through files to get himself refocused on the mission. The same whirring sensation from the day before was constantly in the back of the RK900’s software once he stepped into the building that morning and saw no sign of you. It was unlike his partner to show up late - possibly not at all - but even while the two of you worked cases together, he found your absence irrelevant to any investigations. Allowing himself to emit any worry for a human would conclude that he was having instability issues, and that couldn't happen.

However, he couldn't help but wonder. You were upset yesterday, which only grew to fury once he tried to get you to see reason. The situation was odd. The android had trouble calculating exactly what had happened, only coming to the conclusion that the shooting was the reason for your behavior. But why? The suspect ran away from its owners, evaded police, and refused to cooperate. It didn't plan on leaving with them, he could tell. Why couldn't you see that?

The attention of some employees were caught by a figure strolling in, sunglasses on and hands stuffed in the front pockets of their jacket. If it was possible, the android detective straightened his posture even more, adjusting his jacket. Blue orbs trailed your path as you took slow strides toward the desk across from the new recruit. He analyzed your current state - tired eyes, sluggish movement, posture more slouched than the times you held a sense of laziness when on desk duty. As a courtesy, he waited until you were seated to state his findings. “Your blood alcohol content is only .15 below the minimum intoxication level. You went back to the bar when we parted ways yesterday.”

You brought your index and middle finger together, sending the man a salute. “Bingo, Mr. Robot.”

Conner opened and closed his mouth several times as his LED flashed yellow, failing at computing a proper response. At the lack of comeback you raised an eyebrow, but only shrugged and occupied yourself quickly with recent case files. The RK900 continued to eye you, leaning over from his own space with arms crossed atop the surface. “I found a case on another missing android. Shall we head out after you're ready?”

It took a few minutes of papers shuffling and things being set down before you brought your gaze up to his, copying his action as you leaned in closer. Plastering a wry smile you asked, “Why? So you can shoot them before I get a real chance at getting them to cooperate?” You moved back into the computer chair and shook your head. “No thanks.”

The brunette tilted his head, possible ways of getting you to agree flitting through his system. Simply pulling you along wasn't going to do a thing unless he wanted more anger thrown his way. Stating the facts processed within his software the same way as before certainly would've been the wrong approach. If reasoning was going to be done, then it had to be with words that would get your cooperation and still have truth to them. “I will refrain from interfering with your choice of approach.” At your bored look, he added, “Doing so will only aid in a failed or delayed completion of the investigation. And I have no intentions of failing at all, Detective L/N.”

For a short moment all Conner received was a humming sound to ensure you were processing his words. Surely someone as determined as him wouldn't lie, especially when no matter how intelligent he was created to be, a human was still needed to empathize and make things easier when dealing with rogues. You sighed and nodded your head. Pushing the seat away from the desk, you stood up, grumbling about not even getting a chance to unwind. Your partner moved to follow, steps in sync with yours almost immediately. The walk to the car was quiet, the only exchange being when you asked him to give directions. Once the vehicle started down the road, it was all exactly that. There was no chatting about irrelevant things, teasing, or back and forth - just two people on their way to getting a job done.

Admittedly, the lack of conversation was beginning to weigh down. Usually, it wouldn't be a problem. However, the fact that nothing was happening because he upset her somehow didn't sit well with him. There were multiple subjects that could be brought up to most likely open the idea of starting a conversation. Each one more cliche than the last - weather, favorite things, pointless small talk. Was there nothing that would grab your attention? As he contemplated the current situation, his memory recalled the one and only time he'd been inside your apartment. Most of the information stored about your person were bits taken from what he saw and read. Your hobbies, where you liked to go, the places you traveled, some family members and friends. But the thing that stood out the most was your dog. A [breed] that was only a year old, but had an issue with one of its legs that day.

“Has it received medical attention?” You glanced over, confusion written all over your face. “Your dog. If my memory is correct, its front left leg was suffering from an unexplainable cause of injury.”

“Oh.” He hadn't been in your place for weeks now. “My dog is fine. She stayed overnight at a veterinary clinic - I've had her in some kind of physical therapy session since then.” Your fingers tapped against the steering wheel as you took a turn sharp turn. “I didn’t think you noticed.”

Conner nodded his head, eyes focused on the road as the remainder of the road instructions sat in the back of his mind. “We are partners, Detective. It proves to be more productive if we at least attempt at cooperating with one another.”

“Oh, is that why you would change the subject every time I tried to ask a personal question?” You asked condescendingly.

He took a few seconds to think about the response. “You try to see me as more than what I was made to be. What your kind deem hobbies or interests have no place in my creation. I have one goal and one initiative - to accomplish my mission in hunting and deactivating deviants. All other aspects that would make one human are of no use to me. Foremost, I am and will always be a machine.”

A newfound absence of sound arose during the time you mulled over his answer. You found it ridiculous how he constantly shut down the possibility that he could be or become as human as many other androids have. There were discrete differences in his behavior from when he first arrived to now. The way he addressed things, starting conversations unrelated to work or deviants, actually wanting to know about coworkers’ personal lives. So much already counted as a sign of software instability, but no matter how large the change seemed, you saw how he always managed to snap himself back into machine mode without doing the daily self assessment. Was it really such a horrible thing? Having free will and being able to fully express yourself? It was what everyone in America wanted and what most (including CyberLife’s technological beings) were able to have. It didn't help that Connor RK800 was already well into deviancy and expressing his emotions more when the newer model arrived. It just fueled the need to successfully complete the mission without letting anything disrupt his programming or focus. Including who he was assigned to work with (when push came to shove).

Conner, on the other hand, did in fact understand your underlying frustrations. After sensing the distinct change in your tone of voice each time those kind of moments occurred, he would take short time in assessing that you had hope in his transference. The reason was beyond what he was capable of guessing, and making assumptions only ever seemed to dim a talk into negative reactions and situations. The self assessments done each night after work were done to ensure he would not become one of those heathens, yet the same question always rose up when he spoke to Amanda.

“Have they succeeded?”

“Of course not.” He always said, completely aware of who the woman spoke of. “No one has been or will be able to corrupt my programming. I am confident that I will complete my mission without system disruption.”

Yet here he was. In the car with someone who made his wires and gears work the wrong way. Someone who would immediately question his being a machine from a simple comment, ask or action. Someone who just the day before caused his insides to whir around in a way that made him shut down in confusion - even if only for a few seconds.

Suddenly their tires came to a halt, and the brunette's head turned to look out the window. A large warehouse loomed over the car, light clouds fading away the darker the sky became as afternoon turned into evening. Windows were broken and doors were boarded shut. Trees and shrubs covered the surrounding area, puddles remained in the gravel from the previous storm, and most of the building's paint was chipped off or covered in graffiti.

“Well,” You clicked your tongue, “this looks like a fun place.” You muttered sarcastically, turning off the engine and opening the door. Noticing the lack of movement from the other figure, you bent down to look at him. “Are you coming or not?”

“I am.” Without much else than a slight nod, you shrugged and closed the door. As you went around the vehicle to start toward the entrance for the seemingly abandoned location, the 900 model glanced about the small leather space. Once the needed item was found somewhere in the backseat, he grabbed it and followed, again catching up and synchronizing his steps with yours. A hand held something out in front as you walked, and you glanced down to find a water bottle, raising an eyebrow at the object. “The blood alcohol content in your system has only decreased another .05 as your body broke away the liquor when you drove. However, your kidneys hold five percent of any consumption. Drinking enough water will assist in detoxifying your blood and prevent possible dehydration later on in the day.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but discovered nothing was going to be spoken from the amount of surprise the gesture gave. You cleared your throat, taking the bottle and unscrewing the cap before immediately chugging down a third of the clear liquid. Glancing up at the man, you screwed the plastic top back on. “Thank you.” You uttered, taking a quicker pace and continuing to survey the building and surrounding area.

Taken back by the two words he never heard leave your lips - at least not in his direction - his steps ceased. There was a beat of a pause as he watched you near a corner of the warehouse. “You're welcome, Detective L/N.”

“And stop being so formal. It's weird.” He heard you mutter.

His arms went behind his back, hands folded together neatly as he got back into matching your rhythm. “Yes, Y/N.”

Software Instability ^

[rosesisupposes]

Destined, part 24

aka Trumpets Sound

Character Tags: Virgil/Anixety ; Patton/Creativity ; Patton/Morality ; Logan/Logic ; Remy/Sleep ; Dante/Deceit

Chapter Pairings: Prinxiety

Chapter Warnings: Death threats, Arguing, Raging Against The Machine

Reader Tags: @residentanchor @royally-anxious @bewarethegrammarpolice   @nightmarebeforevirgil​ @jemthebookworm @arandompasserby  @sparkly-rainbow-salt

Summary: After centuries of acting as an oracle to heroes, quest-seekers, and villains alike, Virgil just wants to live as a normal, modern human. For someone who can see infinite probabilities, you’d think he’d know better.

<<Chapter 23 | Masterlist | Chapter 25>>

read on ao3

The days after their second encounter with the sorcerer had been… odd. Virgil felt as if he was floating, suddenly detached from all the nervous energy that had plagued his life since that first collision on the sidewalk. He smiled at every customer in the bakafé, helped decorate pastries with Joan and Talyn, and spent every evening on his couch or Roman’s, curled up with his boyfriend as they watched shows and movies together. Well, they mostly watched. They’d had to replay a couple of episodes due to getting distracted.

The only mar on the golden haze of post-Dante life was the possibility of punishment from the Sages. Virgil had gone against so much of the Law, he’d completely obliterated the bounds of what they’d even known to make rules against. But Sages’ idea of time, especially from within the ether, was approximate at best. When Virgil had attempted to explain it to Patton and Logan, the latter had nodded gravely and said “Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey.” Virgil was still very confused by this, but Roman had simply laughed at his confusion and told him the explanation was on their watch list.

For the first time in his life, though, someone else was more nervous than Virgil. Roman had become prone to bouts of pacing back and forth and as he tried to brainstorm ways for his rescuer and boyfriend to evade judgment and punishment altogether. After Dante’s defeat, though, Virgil’s fear of the Law of Sages had evaporated, and with it, all of his inclination to flee the consequences. He did not want to die, nor did he want to be forced to leave Roman’s side after all they’d survived together. But he did want to look his brethren in the face and ask them why .

The waiting was the hard part, not knowing when, if ever, the Sages would summon him. It might take them months or even years to notice the disturbance and find the right alignment to pull him into the ether. They might miss it entirely and his judgment wouldn’t come until he’d lived his entire lifetime out as Virgil and returned to the ether naturally. All he knew was that he wanted to spend as much time with his friends and Roman as he could until he was pulled away.

Currently, he was reclining while half on top of his gorgeous boyfriend watching Parks and Recreation. He loved listening to the man’s musical laugh, feeling his chest dance up and down, even if it moved his head quite a lot as a result. He looked up at Roman’s bright hazel eyes, deliciously soft auburn hair, and cheeks that were slightly flushed from merriment. The wave of affection he felt looking at him was intoxicating like nothing he’d ever experienced, not in all his years. As the episode ended, he sat up and paused it. Roman looked over quizzically, still smiling. Virgil smiled back. “I want to keep watching, I just got distracted by you, Ro. I hope you know just how amazing you are. You’re all things bright and delightful and beautiful, and I just…  there’s no reason to wait to say it. Roman Augustus, I-”

A sudden burst of white light filled the room. Winds whipped past Roman’s face as tendrils of pearly magic surrounded the violet-haired man sitting half-in, half-out of his lap. He reached for his hand, panicking, but his grasp met with nothingness. The light faded as suddenly as it had appeared. Virgil was gone.

One moment he was on a couch, the next he was toppling to his knees in the middle of a white room, or was it an empty plane? There was a distinct sense of walls and roof and benches, but without limitations or physical boundaries. Virgil stuck out like a bear in a puddle, all purple and black in a space that was perfectly sterile and bare.

Not to mention, he was the only being in the space with a physical manifestation.

Ranks of Sages stared down at him, some with slight features and humanoid shapes on their glowing forms, some nothing more than amorphous nimbuses of light. One light shown a little brighter than the rest, the mark of a Sage who had spent eons in the ether. Yet she retained a clearly human and female form, enough for Virgil to recognize her. It was Cassandra, the fabled Seer cursed to be disbelieved in her accurate predictions. After her despicable treatment at the hands of the humans in her one lifetime on earth, she had retreated her to make sure there was always an experienced Sage able to observe from afar.

Time had not sweetened her mood towards the denizens of Earth, however. “Sage, you have disobeyed us,” she threw the words like spears as she advanced towards Virgil. “You have turned our Law upon its head, made a mockery of our ways. And for what?”

Well, that’s how it’s going to be, I guess, Virgil thought. It’s not like he could lie to a room of omniscient beings. “To save my friends. To prevent a sorcerer from attempting to enslave humanity.”

“You flout the tenets of our brethren for humans. You risk eternity for a blink in time?” Cassandra’s voice was all icy distaste, as if Virgil’s actions were a cowpat he’d caused her to step in.

“For all of humanity and the remaining magic folk, Elder Cassandra. The possibilities were clear - the sorcerer’s intent was the dramatically alter the world as a whole, and enslave or kill all who interfered.”

“Oh, well, if only we’d realized the world might change, then the utter disregard of the entirety of our existence would be perfectly satisfactory,” Cassandra said scathingly. “My fellow Elders, I hardly think a full trial and deliberation is necessary. Surely we can all see that there was a reason that this Sage remained in the world when his brethren all returned here, to our true home. He is a traitor to our order and our Law, and only severance and cessation can answer such crimes.”

Virgil shivered and looked down. How casually and easily she advocated for a permanent death sentence.

“Cassandra, surely you of all people would agree that in this case of all cases we must follow the full procedure of trial. It wouldn’t do to disregard part of the Law, even if we did all agree that this young one’s broken all of it. Which I do not, I might add.” Another form piped up from the benches to Virgil’s right. As he made eye contact, the form of an old Welsh woman smiled toothily back at him. “Hello, dearie. It’s ‘Virgil’ at the moment, hm?” He nodded silently. “Very good. The name I went by was Agnes, Agnes Nutter. And I want to hear the boy speak for himself,” she shot back at the tower of glowing fury that was Cassandra.

Other forms murmured and nodded along with Agnes’ statement. Virgil felt the knot in his stomach ease slightly. Cassandra would not determine his fate alone. That was some comfort, at least.

Another voice, this one vaguely male but otherwise nondescript, spoke. “I hereby call this Trial of Sages to order. The Sage currently known as Virgil is charged with open defiance of the Law. He will be given a chance to defend his actions and take questions from the Elders. The Elders will then deliberate and pick a suitable sentence. Virgil, you may begin.”

Virgil stood and walked to the center of the room, or perhaps he walked just a few steps forward in the empty space. A podium that wasn’t quite physical but that still had a solid presence appeared under his hands. He was glad there was no moisture here, or his palms would definitely be sweating with nerves.

“Esteemed Sages, Reverent Elders. I am before you today not because I have directly and deliberately gone against our Law, but because I have caused a situation that is not addressed in our code. For those who did not See the particulars, I learned, in the heat of the moment, that not only could I See a wide-open, unlimited future by reading my own destiny, I could physically change the present by enacting change in the past.”

The murmurs among the crowds became a rumble. Clearly, the information had not been widely spread. Seeing Cassandra’s glare from where she’d resumed her seat at the center of the crowd, Virgil suspected he knew why.

“At first this change seemed to only apply to objects - if someone had made a choice regarding an inanimate thing, I could shift that choice so that the same materials had been made in another way, or into another thing. The essence remained the same - I did not create or destroy any matter. But despite not being sure it would work, I attempted to do the same with a living thing - a magical being. A sorcerer. One who I had divined for in a previous life. One who had made many choices that lead to the several repeat encounters I experienced in these last few weeks of human time. Despite having been told my whole existence that altering time was impossible, I was able to channel the ether and the potential energy of unchosen possibilities to send him back to a crux within his own life. He disappeared from the timeline I was in, then, and I can only assume this means he chose differently.”

He paused as the murmurs grew louder. He couldn’t really understand them, given there there were at least fifty voices speaking at once, but he caught snippets. 

“...highly unorthodox…”

“absolutely unheard of…”

“...the implications!”

“...surely a fluke…”

“...what else don’t we know?”

One form stood. It was particularly amorphous and featureless, and had a voice that could only be described as ‘blue,’ but couldn’t be pinned to any existing conception of gender. “We speak for everyone when we say - how could this be possible? How could one lone Sage spontaneously acquire an ability that none of us knew about? And if he did not spontaneously acquire this, how long have we all been capable of such a thing?”

Agnes continued as the first form sat, or lowered itself, again. “And indeed, if we have had this ability, how could we all have been blind to it? Is Virgil here the first to even attempt such a thing? He and his cohort from Delphi have been in existence for three and a half millennia. Surely there has been at least one other Sage who has made a similar attempt.”

Cassandra stood. “Elders, these questions are meaningless. Even if such an ability were widespread among our brethren, to use it would still be in defiance of our Law. This renegade, who has already rejected his brethren through his reckless manifestation, only proves that any of our order who attempt such drastic actions deserve none of our powers nor responsibilities. He is a threat to our way of existence, and should be dealt with as such.”

“Cassy, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you did know about this,” Virgil interrupted. “You seem remarkably unshaken about a revelation that has every other Sage here in a tizzy. I’m sure that the great and wise Cassandra would never deliberately conceal such information from her brethren, though, so I must be mistaken in noting your odd reaction.”

The ancient seer glared at him. The same weird boldness he’d had facing down Dante was fizzing in his veins. His heart was beating at a familiarly high rate, but instead of his usual flight or freeze, his body and mind had apparently agreed on fight. There was no deliberation in his words - they just poured out in a raging river of consciousness as he puzzled through the ancient being’s reaction.

“Really, it seems inconceivable that the oldest Sage, the only one who’s been continuously in the ether for hundreds of centuries straight, would have found out about such a dramatic revelation in Sagedom and not have shared it. Unless, maybe, you had a reason not to want us all to know. A grudge, perhaps. A resentment of all earthly creatures? Is that too harsh? I’m gonna say no, it’s not - it’s accurate. You don’t want Sages to be able to change things, because with change comes the chance for improvement. And if we could improve things, we could help humanity. We could give them chances to make better choices. But if the goodness in humanity is just a choice away, then your assumptions have been wrong, all this time.”

If Cassandra had been manifested, she would have been turning white. As it was, her form was almost vibrating with anger, and she was tensed to advance towards Virgil. He kept going, relentless. “It turns out neither magical nor nonmagical mortals are inherently wicked, as you’ve told us all since your last cessation. They just have the potential to be so.

“If they’re not guaranteed bad, then it was just those human who chose to hurt you, and if we can change their choices, then there’s a chance that your pain could have been avoided entirely. And that possibility just terrifies you, doesn’t it-”

Somewhere as he’d been speaking, Cassandra had come up directly in front of him, which he became instantly aware of as her very solid hand connected with his right cheek.

“Don’t you ever presume to know how I feel, boy. You speak of things you cannot ever understand.” Her voice was tight with fury.

Virgil’s face stung, but so did his conscience. He’d gone too far. Cassandra had endured some of the absolute worst treatment at the hands of humanity that anyone could be subjected to. He couldn’t pass judgment on how she coped. That wasn’t what any of this was about.

“I… you’re right, Cassandra. My words were uncalled for. I apologize.”

The prophetess returned his look and nodded grudgingly, then turned on her heel and returned to her spot among the rest of the Sages.

“Brethren,” Virgil spoke, his voice ringing in the endless space and bouncing off the suggestion of walls, “my real question is this: regardless of if there was one of us who knew of this ability, why didn’t we all know? Why is it so rare that any of us has actually tried to use this power? We have all seen terrible choices and terrible futures, and many of us have had to watch as those choices were made and those futures became the present. Why did I only every try to do something about it now? Why have we all spent so long as observers without ever trying to act?”

There were one or two whispers, but the crowd of Sages had largely gone silent. Was it guilt? Confusion? Contemplation? Probably a bit of all three.

“Our Law served a very needed purpose when we first made it. We wanted to correct the mistakes we made at Delphi. Over and over again, we had been too much part of the narrative. We and our prophecies were too often the crux of the future. So we learned, and adapted. We said we would remain on the sidelines - looking only, telling only. Embracing the vagueness to avoid deliberately misleading any Seekers. Pre-empting any prejudice against Seekers by instituting one invocation for all. All our intentions were good.” Virgil took a deep breath. He couldn’t remember a single time in his existence where he’d spoken so much while so many beings watched. Granted, not all of them had eyes, but if they did, every pair would have been glued to him.

“But as we all know, intentions aren’t enough. By being so adamant that we should not interfere, we were preventing ourselves from knowing if we could. It turns out that we have the power to enact change, to give second and third chances, to alter the present by influencing the past. I’ve done so, now. I don’t know that everything affected by that change is better now that it was before, but I do know that it removed a threat to humanity on the large and small scales, and I believe it was the right choice. I accept that I went against the intent of our Law. But I ask what we hope to accomplish with any of this?” He looked around at the ranks of glowing forms. All was silence, except for his voice and its echo in the endless space of the ether. “Because for centuries upon centuries, I’ve been telling destinies and then just...watching them happen. Favorable or unfortunate, good or evil, it’s all been effectively the same. Yes, I’ve been troubled when I’ve encountered a Seeker with particularly harmful intent. The heirs of kingdoms who planned vast crusades, the knights hoping to slay peaceful dragons, the ambitious and the dastardly, all of them. I was troubled by their plans. Maybe even concerned. But what did I do differently? Nothing. I followed our Law. I did my job, and let them go on their ways. We aren’t amoral beings, nor are we apathetic. If we know this, and still force ourselves to treat good and evil, justice and cruelty, benevolence and tyranny, all equally - what is our purpose?”

The emptiness stretched on and on as the last echoes of Virgil’s voice faded. The air was thick with his question and all the uncertainty it had brought to light. Glowing forms turned and exchanged glances, but no one seemed prepared to speak. Long moments passed without a sound.

It was Cassandra who finally broke the silence. “Our purpose is to be receptacles of knowledge of the future. We are not actors. Where we went wrong was manifestation. We are best here, in the ether, guiding indirectly. Here, we are able to approach and divine only for those we choose. Here, there is no risk of aiding those who wish ill on the world. Here, there is no risk of humans. ”

“But then why the ability to manifest in the first place?” That was Agnes. “Why these abilities, if we weren’t meant to use them?”

“Why aren’t we heroes?” Virgil heard himself say. “We could avert tragedies, wars, anything that came about from a choice. Why aren’t we more?”

“Because if we were more, we would never be enough.” A quiet voice sounded from the back of the crowd. A being entirely made of light was speaking. Its voice felt fragile, crackling and rustling like an ancient manuscript. “I apologize for not speaking up to support you sooner, Cassandra.”

The being floated above of out of the cluster of Sages, gently landing near Virgil as an identical podium appeared before it. “I am the only other left who made that decision, and I should not have left you alone before our brethren, Cass. I also knew of the ability that this young Sage has revealed. We discovered the power by accident long ago, before Delphi. It was spoiled through arrogance and foolhardiness. At first we used it well, so we thought, and righted wrongs. But it could be used easily for ill, too. And though we are not human, we are just as susceptible to the throes of emotions. One of our number wanted to become an Enforcer, fixing every possible problem. We urged him not to, but were ignored. He drove himself almost to madness, convinced of his own righteousness. He turned against us all. He was the first to discover the powers of severance and cessation - which is why only Cassandra and I remain today. He turned those powers against every other Sage then in existence. We were able to catch him unawares, and meted his own judgment upon him. And we swore to never again let ourselves, or any of the new Sages we created, fall into such temptation. That is why we hid this knowledge. That is why Cassandra feels so strongly about non-intervention.”

“So you were justified. Great. Doesn’t change the fact that the rest of us are moral beings who’ve spent eternity forced to act as if we weren’t,” Virgil said. History was great and all that, but they weren’t off the hook of his opinion. “The one thing we have all embraced since Delphi was the necessity of choice. Yet you refused to honor that for us, your brethren. If this is what it means to follow the Sage’s Law, I’d like to remove myself from the equation.”

“These revelations do not alter your actions, traitor,” Cassandra hissed. “You were ignorant of these externalities and still deliberately flouted our established customs.”

“And he will still receive a judgment, Cassandra,” Agnes interrupted. “In accordance with the Law, we will still confer. But you cannot decree unilaterally that this new information changes nothing. And Virgil is allowed to make his wishes known.”

“You are right, of course, Agnes,” Cassandra said sourly. “So, trai- Virgil ,” she amended at Agnes’ glare. “What punishment do you request for your actions?”

Virgil paused. He hadn’t known he’d be given a choice. He’d never been present for a trial before.

“What I want? What I want is to have the Law be changed. For us as a whole to rethink our role. I want us to feel able to act when our morals compel us to do so, and to know how to balance our ability to act with our justification to do so. I want us to be better.”

“What you ask for is for chaos, a complete abandonment of our ancient order,” Cassandra said coldly.

Virgil looked away from her, towards the rest of the crowd. “We’re immortal, it won’t kill you all to think about it, will it?” He scanned the faces. Trying to read reactions when so many had only a haze of color instead of features was an impossible task. But nevertheless, his suggestion felt hopeless.

He sighed. “I guess that’s it, then. I no longer believe in the Law, and I wish to no longer be bound to its forced amorality. But our Elder is right - I don’t want to be an Enforcer, either. And I don’t want to have to constantly be balancing those extremes. I guess that means I request severance. Have the ether release me, and let me live on as a human, as a mortal. All I request is that I not lose my memory of the life I’ve lived so far in this form.”

Cassandra pursed her lips. Agnes smiled warmly. The elder being seemed to nod.

“Is there anything else you wish to add in your defense?” the agéd being asked.

“No… I think that’s it,” Virgil half-whispered. After speaking so much and so forcefully, he felt the hot energy that had pulsed through his veins cooling and congealing, leaving him drained.

“Then, brethren, please join me in the secondary plane for judgment.”

The gathered forms began to fade into more incorporeal forms.

“Wait!”

author’s note: Speaking of Doctor Who influences, whoops, who left this rose on a beach?

Agnes Nutter belongs to the late great Sir Pterry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman from their excellent, wonderful, hilarious novel Good Omens. I hope Neil doesn’t mind me borrowing her.

Also, WOW, you know that thing when characters just grab the tiller and go on a wildly different tack than you’d originally planned? That happened so hard I think I went straight into a jibe. Here’s hoping I don’t get hit in the head by the boom. (Am I taking the nautical metaphor too far? I probably am. Welp, that sure took the wind out of my sails)

[mtxzone-blog]

Hall of Shame: Star Wars Battlefront II

A while back, we ran a twitter poll asking what kinds of stuff people were interested in seeing on this blog. By a wide margin, the winner was a mysterious, unexplained option labeled “MTX Hall of Shame...” So I suppose we should explain what exactly that is.

The Hall of Shame is an idea we’ve had for a while, about focusing in on a single game and examining its deeds, misdeeds, and relevance to the broader landscape of video game monetization in a bit more detail than we give games on the main site. And what better way to start us off than the most memorable example in recent memory of a publisher getting caught with their hands well and truly in the cookie jar?

STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT II

...or just “BF2″ for short. For a brief overview, here’s BF2’s page on the main site: "Star Wars Battlefront II: A powerful reminder that there is such a thing as Too Much”

Boy, Electronic Arts really messed up on this one, didn’t they? Having released Star Wars Battlefront (no, not that one) in 2015 and discovered that a multiplayer-only game that costs $110 if you want all the maps and game modes was maybe not the way to go, they looked around at the rest of the industry and decided to do what everyone else was doing: put gambling mechanics in the game to nickle-and-dime the player over the course of the game’s lifespan, rather than just demand all the money up-front. It had worked out alright when they did it in Battlefield 4, right? And that game even had paid map packs on top of the loot boxes - why should this be any different?

The answer to that question, it turns out, is many-faceted. The hubbub about BF2 didn’t really start to boil until its closed beta, early in October 2017. At that point in time, press and consumer attitudes towards the concept of loot boxes in major western video games were not exactly positive—Destiny 2 had just released, and was getting considerable heat for taking cosmetic items that used to be permanent unlocks in the first Destiny, and turning them into single-use consumables which could, of course, be acquired randomly through paid loot boxes. Meanwhile, concurrent to the BF2 beta, a number of things were happening:

Other developers were scoring easy PR victories by loudly announcing that their games would not have loot boxes in them.

The ESRB (an organization whose biggest goal is to keep lawmakers from interfering with game industry profits) declared that loot boxes were “not gambling”, which I suppose is a smart thing to say if you’re currently making a lot of money off of them.

The government of the United Kingdom was asked (and responded to) questions about loot boxes and their status as gambling

So when BF2′s beta launched with randomized loot boxes (which were going to be available for money once the full game released) containing literal, objectively more-powerful-than-default gameplay advantages, it was not a good scene. The backlash was immediate: articles were popping up all over with headlines like “Let’s not mince words; Star Wars Battlefront 2 loot boxes are pay-to-win“ and “How loot boxes are turning full-priced PC games into pay-to-win games of chance“.

EA quickly responded to the criticism, but in their response they very much missed the forest for the trees (or maybe they were just too stubborn to see reason and put their tail between their legs). They announced that the most powerful tier of upgrades would be removed from the loot box system, which didn’t really address the heart of the problem at all. And so, the criticism kept coming, famously culminating in the most downvoted Reddit comment of all time when an EA employee tried to defend the absurd amount of hours it took to unlock Darth Vader as a playable character without having to spend extra money. In another example of “too little too late,” another press release went out, stating that the costs of unlocking the game’s “Hero” characters were being slashed by 75%. Eventually, the day before the game’s official launch, news broke that EA was “temporarily” turning off the ability to purchase “Crystals,” the premium currency which is used to buy loot boxes.

By this point, the game had EA in over its head. Mainstream non-gaming news outlets were reporting on BF2, like Business Insider and Fortune. A legislator from the U.S. state of Hawai’i spoke about wanting to legislate loot boxes in video games, specifically calling out BF2 as a “Star Wars-themed online casino”. And so, finally, EA waved the white flag and gave up.

Near the tail end of November 2017, Blake Jorgensen (Chief Financial Officer for EA) said that cosmetic microtransactions weren’t in the cards for BF2, because they didn’t want to “violate Star Wars canon,” and “you probably don’t want Darth Vader in pink.” As should be obvious to basically anyone, Blake Jorgensen was talking right out of his ass, coming up with any excuse he could for why loot boxes (which are much more profitable than direct microtransactions) would be preferable to something a bit less exploitative. After all, the previous Battlefront game had cosmetic microtransactions, and they didn’t lead to any complaints about canon as far as we’re aware.

Another good indicator that Blake Jorgensen is full of crap is that, when the premium currency “Crystals” was re-instated, the only things you could spend them on were cosmetic microtransactions.

Also, we want Darth Vader in pink.

Pictured: The man of our dreams

Wrapping up now

The role of Star Wars Battlefront II in the wider western video games market was mainly to demonstate what happens when you move too far, too fast. BF2′s systems, at their core, weren’t that unique or even that uniquely horrible—it was a question of turning the numbers up too far (“40 hours to unlock Darth Vader”), and doing it in a game with much too high a profile (“the new Star Wars game coming out around the same time as the new Star Wars movie” - people really like Star Wars, don’tcha know).

The video games industry, as far as major western publishers are concerned, has been heading this way for a long time, and they’ve used a slow boil to get here. In 2006, Bethesda were the subject of unceasing scorn for charging $2.50 for Horse Armor. In 2017, the only reason there was any major backlash for BF2 was that its one-armed bandits were planned to disgorge gameplay boosts instead of dance emotes and new colors for your light saber.

In some way, BF2 can be seen as a good thing; it certainly poisoned the well for loot boxes in a big way. Forza Motorsport 7, which sells loot boxes for the in-game currency “Credits”, never got around to setting up a real-money dollars-to-Credits shop. Middle-Earth: Shadow of War recently got a new round of PR when its developers announced they would be removing the game’s premium currency (and the loot boxes that currency could buy), and rebalancing the game to account for the fact that its primary function is no longer to frustrate you into paying for digital orcs. And of course, the government of Belgium (no doubt spurred into action by all the attention BF2 managed to attract) recently announced, at the end of April 2018, that it considers the loot box mechanics in three major games (Overwatch, FIFA 18, and Counter-Strike: Global Offensive) to be illegal gambling. That probably wouldn’t have happened if EA hadn’t gotten greedy and pushed as hard as they did.

In conclusion, there are two important lessons to be learned here:

Nerds really like Star Wars

Where’s our pink Darth Vader. Where is he. WHERE

(If you have any feedback about this article, positive or negative, please do not hesitate to hit us up on Discord, or send an email to contact [at] microtransaction [.] zone - even just “I enjoyed this and would like to read more stuff like it in the future” or “This was a waste of my time, how dare you” would be very welcome)

[argyle-s]

SOMETHING JUST LIKE THIS CHAPTER 10/?

Rating: Mature (For Later Chapters)

Notes: The Kryptonian I'm using in this story is Doyle Kryptonian, a reference for which can be found kryptonian.info. I had been working mostly on my own to do the translations for this and for The Shape of Things to Come, but finally broke down and asked for some help from the language creator. As a result, the Kryptonian in Chapter 8 has been revised to reflect a more accurate translation (and to match what's in this chapter). I am delighted by the results, and I hope you will be delighted by the English translation of the Kryptonian phrases.

Read at Ao3

Start at the Beginning

Cat and Kara have a discussion about what happened during and after Clark's visit.

Chapter 10 - Seeing Light

Cat sat on the couch in her office, staring out at her empire, and wondering if it was all about to come crumbling down around her. It was almost ten o’clock. Almost time for her meeting with Kara. Almost time to give up on the beautiful, unworkable wish her heart had made.

God, she sounded like a Disney film.

She needed to get her head on straight. Well, maybe that was a poor choice of words, considering. Get her act together. That was better. She needed to stop day dreaming about something she couldn’t have. Kara was better than her. She was a hero, and always had been. Cat was an old woman with an inappropriate crush, having a midlife crisis and relieving the worst mistake of her youth at the same time. She was imagining a twenty-five-year-old Superhero would want to be with a woman twice her age, practically if not chronologically. A woman with a teenage son, and another son that said Superhero had dated, however briefly.

There weren’t going to be any family vacations. The trip to Disney would just be her and Carter, and that would be fine. She’d go, and she’d have a wonderful time with her son. It would give her a chance to get distance and perspective. Maybe during the summer, she and Carter could tour all the CatCo offices around the world. Check up on the empire.

Assuming it was still hers.

Assuming Kara was willing to forgive her for the line she’d crossed. The line she’d crossed once before, when Lois Lane had been crying on her shoulder in a Metropolis apartment twenty-six years ago.

She spotted Kara, heading her way wearing a smile that lit up the room. And of course, she was carrying a coffee tray and a Noonan’s bag, because she’s Kara. Cat’s heart jumped at the sight, and butterflies she was too old to have in her stomach started dancing as Kara pushed open the door and stepped inside.

“Good morning,” Kara said, so happy it made Cat wish she could hide both the packets of paperwork on the coffee table, and just spend the entire day basking in the warm glow of Kara.

“Have a seat,” she said, said, gesturing to the couch across from her.

Kara took a seat across from her and spent the next couple of minutes laying out breakfast for both of them. Or, if Cat knew Kara, breakfast for Cat, and second, or probably third breakfast for Kara. She smiled when Kara checked to make sure no one was looking before zapping Cat’s coffee with her heat vision. Cat took the Latte, and they ate in silence. Cat knew she was just postponing the inevitable, but she took the time to enjoy one last moment in the sun before the storm came.

“So, what did you want to see me about?” Kara asked as she started clearing away the remains of their breakfast. “I saw the appointment invite, but it didn’t have any details.”

“We need to talk about what happened yesterday,” Cat said.

“Oh,” Kara said, her smile faltering just a little. “Cat, I’m sorry. I know I’ve brought my problems to-”

“No,” Cat said. “No, Kara, you didn’t do anything wrong.” She took a deep breath. “Other people behaved inappropriately.”

“Clark was just upset,” Kara said.

“Kara,” Cat said, her voice firm. “What Clark did was inexcusable. No one should ever talk to you like that. It was wrong when Clark did it, it was wrong when James did it, and it was wrong when I did it.”

“Cat?” Kara asked, confusion written on her face.

“I know I treated you horribly,” she said. “And I could offer you any number of excuses. I want to. But any excuse I offer would be just that. I treated you terribly, and I never apologized for it. What happened yesterday brought that into focus for me. So, before we go any further, I want to offer you my sincere apology. I am sorry for punishing you when you did nothing wrong. I am sorry for taking out my hurt, anger, grief and wounded pride on you. I’m sorry I hired Siobhan. And I know I don’t deserve it, but I hope you can forgive me for it.”

“Cat,” Kara said, “I tried to kill you, and you forgave me for it the next time we saw each other. How could I not forgive you?”

“When you did that, you weren’t yourself. You weren’t responsible for your actions. You said it yourself. Your mind was altered. What I did, I did while in full control of my faculties. I didn’t forgive you, Kara, because there was nothing to forgive. You have always done what you believed was best, and you have made my life better in so many ways that I don’t even know how to thank you.”

“If you need to hear me say it, then I forgive you, Cat.”

Cat forced herself to smile as she blinked back tears.

“Okay,” Cat said. She took a deep breath. “I took steps to address Clark’s actions. He’s banned from the building, until you say otherwise. I would ask if you’d like me to call Perry White and have him terminated, or at the very least, have his press credentials revoked, but I already know your answer, so I addressed the matter through a different channel.”

“Cat,” Kara said, “he’s my cousin. I’m supposed to protect him.”

“He is a grown man, who should know better,” Cat said. “If you had done that to him, your career would be finished. Perry White would absolutely destroy you. I know you feel responsible for him, but even if you’re willing to let it pass, I care too much about you to do the same. And as much as I hate to admit it, I care too much about Lois to let it pass, either. Because if someone doesn’t call him out on it now, he’ll do the same thing to her, eventually, and I know Lois well enough to know that if he ever did that to her, it would end what they have.”

She watched Kara consider her words, before giving a small nod.

“Okay,” she said. “Should I ask what you did?”

“No,” Cat said. “I took the steps necessary to make sure he understood just how badly he messed up. I took the legal steps necessary to protect you, should he decide to make an issue out of you hitting him. As long as he doesn’t, I will consider the matter closed. When you feel comfortable with it, tell me, and I’ll lift the ban on him entering the building.”

Kara smiled. “I think we can make him sweat a little on that one,” she said.

“Oh, if I were Clark Kent, I’d be more worried about Alex Danvers and J’onn J’onzz,” Cat said.

Kara paled slightly. “Oh, no,” she said. “I didn’t even think about that.”

“I know, Dear, and that’s one of the most charming things about you. You’re so busy thinking of everyone else that you don’t even know how many people are would light the entire world on fire just to keep you warm. Which, now that I think about it, is probably not the best metaphor I could have used.”

Kara smiled, laughing just a little. “It’s okay,” she said. “I know what you meant.”

Cat nodded and reached for the first of the two envelopes. “Since Clark is not my employee, I had the luxury of dealing with him through unofficial channels,” Cat said. “When it comes to James, I’m not so lucky. I tried, not so long after your unpleasant phase, to correct James’ behavior. I tried again the other day when he was in your office. He has consistently ignored unofficial suggestions that he amend his attitude. Yesterday, he prevented me from intervening between you and Clark when I realized the situation was escalating. If he hadn’t, it’s unlikely the situation would have developed to the point of a physical altercation.”

“Cat-“

“No, Kara, I’m sorry. I know you’re going to feel guilty whatever happens here, but I gave James a choice. I offered to buy out his contract at one-hundred percent of its value, or to accept a two-week suspension without pay and a formal letter of reprimand. He chose the suspension and letter of reprimand. I want to stress that you should not feel guilty about this. James brought this entirely on himself. The fact that the two of you have personal issues is irrelevant. James chose to bring personal issues into the office. He chose to take actions which interfered with one employee’s ability to do their job, and caused another employee to leave CatCo altogether. James is entirely to blame for this.”

“That said, the contents of this envelope are an at fault termination packet for James Olsen. It is complete and ready to go. The only thing required to make it official is your signature on the harassment complaint. If you sign it, James Olsen will no longer be employed by CatCo World Wide Media. I would prefer you sign it, because I would very much like to terminate James Olsen’s employment. I also recognize that I am not by any measure unbiased in this situation. He hurt you. I care about you, and I am viciously protective of people I care about.”

“Cat, I can’t…” Kara said.

“I know,” Cat said. “I knew before I had the paperwork drawn up, but I had to make the offer.”

“Because you would have for anyone else,” Kara said.

Cat nodded. “Exactly,” she said. “This will be in my drawer in case you change your mind. You have one year to file a claim.”

Kara nodded. “I won’t change my mind,” she said.

Cat nodded, acknowledging what she already knew. She laid the first envelope down and picked up the second.

“The thing is, I can’t address James Olsen’s behavior without addressing my own,” Cat said. She held out the envelope to Kara. “I’d say it’s all here, but I think we both know I can’t put half of the things I’ve done to you in there, either because I don’t remember them, or because they would expose you as Supergirl.”

Kara looked down at the envelope in confusion, then lifted her eyes back up to look at Cat. “What is this?” she asked.

“It’s a formal complaint against me. I’ve included list of… Well, not every time I mistreated you, but more than enough. Calling you by the wrong name for two years. Inappropriate threats of termination. The entire incident with Siobhan. It’s necessarily vague in certain places, but it’s in my own hand, signed and witnessed by Alison Mercer from HR. A confession of my sins, up to and including what happened in your office yesterday.”

“What do you mean, what happened in my office?” Kara asked, her voice rising a bit.

Cat sat the envelope down and let out a sigh, steadying herself. “Kara, what I did in your office yesterday was unthinkable. You were hurt and vulnerable, and I took advantage. I’m not proud of it, but it’s happened before. Someone came to me for comfort after they’d been betrayed by someone they trusted, and instead of comforting them and caring for them, I let my own feelings run wild, and nearly destroyed both of us. I thought I’d learned that lesson, but apparently not.”

“Cat-” Kara said.

“I know my feelings for you are inappropriate,” Cat said, rolling right over Kara’s attempt to interrupt her. “I understand that you don’t feel the same way. Why would you want me? I have nothing to offer you. I’m old enough, I’m emotionally stunted, I come with a son your age and another who’s a teenager. I’ve treated your dreadfully. I’ve tried to blackmail you into revealing your identity, and when that failed, I threw a hissy fit and hired Siobhan to punish you.”

“That’s why you hired her?” Kara demanded in red faced anger.

“You didn’t really think any of that was about Adam, did you?” Cat asked.

“YES!” Kara said.

Cat closed her eyes and shook her head. “Kara, I love you, but you are the worst liar in the world,” she said. She looked over at Kara, who was sitting there absolutely dumbstruck. “Your shapeshifting friend fooled me for a couple of weeks. But then you stood in my office and pointed out that it was entirely possible that there was a Supergirl imposter, and I realized what happened. I didn’t sort out all the details until your venture into poor anger management, but I got the gist of it when Bizzaro showed up. I was hurt that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth. Especially the day you went missing and J’onn pretended to be you.”

“You love me?” Kara asked, her voice small and soft.

Cat froze as she realized what she’d said, not sure whether she was more surprised to find it was true, or that she’d actually said it out loud.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have said that. After yesterday, I wouldn’t blame you if you hate me.”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Kara said. “You said you took advantage of me, but you didn’t. All you did is protect me and take care of me, like you always do.”

“I did!” Cat said. “You were hurt and vulnerable and I should have been comforting you, but instead, spilled my own stupid feelings out. Then when you tried to kiss me, instead of stopping you like I should have, I just stood there and let you. I didn’t protect you. I was too busy indulging my own day dreams.”

She reached up and covered her face with her hands, rubbing her eyes and trying to keep from screaming the anger she felt at herself. It was that night in Metropolis all over again. Lowell Jeffries had stolen a story Lois had been working on for weeks and gotten the promotion to the crime desk that went with it. Lois had shown up at Cat’s apartment, red eyed and broken. Cat had taken her inside and held her when she cried. Cat had supposed to be comforting her friend, but instead she’d given into the crush she’d been nursing since the moment they met. She’d tipped Lois’s head back and kissed her. One kiss turned into two, into three, and they’d ended up spending most of the weekend making love on every horizontal surface in Cat’s apartment. They’d spent most of the next year going back and forth between making love and screaming at each other.

God, she had loved Lois so much it had almost killed her, but they were doomed from the start. All either of them had to offer anyone were long nights at the office, borderline alcoholism, and emotionally stunted hearts that all too often confused codependence with love. Both of them were so broken they couldn’t come up with a whole person between them, and they did nothing for the entire year they were together but cling to each other madly while all their sharp edges cut them to the bone. Two and a half decades and four marriages later, she had trouble remembering her ex-husbands faces, but she remembered the exact expression Lois wore every time she had hurt her.

She fought to hold back the tears. She’d thought she’d prepared herself for this. Thought she’d be able to get through it. But losing even the dream of Kara was going to hurt so much worse than Lois. She’d loved Lois fiercely, and she knew Lois had loved her just as fiercely in return. It just hadn’t been enough. No matter how much they’d loved each other, it was never enough to make either of them actually change. Not the way Clark changed Lois. Not the way Kara had changed her. Lois had been someone to cling to while they both tried not to drown in their own pain. Kara had lifted her out of the relentless sea, set her on dry land, and showed her the well spring of hope. She wasn’t sure she was going to survive that being taken away from her.

“/.sozhaoowahshes/” Kara whispered as she slipped her hands around Cat’s wrists. Gently, she pulled Cat’s hands away from her face, and Cat found herself staring down at Kara, who was kneeling on front of her, smiling up at her in a way that made Cat’s heart soar, even as it was ripping itself into pieces.

“/.nahn w khap i zhor .:zhao w rraop .:zhaoes zhindif w rraop .pahskiles rrip w khap ni :divi/” Kara whispered. “/.zhindahzh khuhp w voiehd im ;zuhne non w udolkhehdia gahv shahrrehth im/”

“Tell me what you are saying,” Cat pleaded. She didn’t know the words, but the tone was soft and reverent and made Cat hope that her world wasn’t going to come down around here like it had decades earlier when she’d come home and found a door key laying on her kitchen counter.

“I said ‘Please, don’t cry.’” Kara reached up and brushed back a strand of hair, tucking it behind Cat’s ear. “You are my heart. I love you. I have always loved you. You make me see light.” Kara smiled even wider as slipped her hands up Cat’s arms, taking Cat’s hands in her own. She brought them down to her mouth, so she could kiss them. “I dreamed of this, but I was afraid to let myself hope for it.”

Cat stared down into Kara’s eyes, afraid to speak, afraid to breath, lest she burst the bubble of what must surely be a dream. Until finally, not knowing became more painful that the fear that this would all vanish. “You mean that?”

“I do,” Kara said. “I’m pretty sure I was in love with you by the end of my first day.”

Cat raised her hand, cupping Kara’s check, running her thumb over the soft skin. “You shouldn’t,” she said. “I’m terrible, and you deserve better.”

“I deserve to be happy,” Kara said, “and being with you would make me happy.” She rose up off her knees and leaned towards Cat and the kiss that felt almost inevitable.

When their lips met, it was felt like coming home. The world melted away, and all the weight she cared lifted. There was nothing in that moment but Kara. Kara’s sinfully soft lips gliding over hers, Kara’s infinitely gentle hands cradling her face. Kara’s mouth opening willingly for Cat’s tongue. Someone moaning. She wasn’t sure who. Just that the kiss was over before she was satisfied, but that only meant it hadn’t lasted for the rest of her life.

She had just enough time to meet Kara’s gaze and smile before the clapping started. Both of their eyes went wide as they turned and looked out to see the entire bullpen looking at them. Some of them were laughing, some of them were clapping, two women in the back were exchanging money, and poor Eve looked like she couldn’t decide whether she was happy or terrified.

Cat was shocked for exactly three seconds before her eyes narrowed and she reached up, turning Kara’s face back towards hers, leaning down to kiss her again. After all, it was her company and her building and her office, and if anyone had a problem with her kissing the woman she loved there, they could die mad about it.

[whimsicalworldofme]

Strategies

Poe’s new role as a high-ranking officer has him coming up with strategies for the Resistance and it inspires him with an idea to help tackle some issues for his family too.

Word Count: 2551

Content Warnings: None

Strategy meetings had become Poe’s new normal and though he would have preferred to be out flying missions, destroying supply lines for the First Order and arming the rebels on other planets he knew this was important. He missed the thrill, not just from being out there among the stars, zipping past enemy ships, being faster, smarter, and outmaneuvering them by a hair’s width, but in knowing that his actions were directly helping the Resistance, that what he was doing mattered. This mattered too, he knew that, but strike planning, supply routing, and all the administrative stuff didn’t have the same energy.

               You chose this Dameron, he reminded himself as they finished up. All the other high-ranking commanders had died on the way to Crait. There was no one else to do what he was doing. Leia had groomed him to lead before she had died. This was a whole new batch of officers and they looked to him the way his generation had looked to Leia and Admiral Ackbar. Sometimes he thought thirty-three wasn’t old enough to have such a high command position, to have officers that were his age, just a little younger, and even some a bit older, looking to him for guidance. But Leia was a leader at nineteen. She trained me for this since I was nineteen. Pay attention.

               Any time he thought about showing any signs of being disengaged he thought of Leia, her disapproving stern gaze, those bright eyes just boring into him. Finn was busy explaining something about First Order shipping movements, things that Poe had already heard in prepping for this meeting. The former Storm Trooper had been invaluable in getting an understanding of how the First Order operated but more than that, Finn had become Poe’s best friend. Other than Ava and Luke, there was no one Poe confided in more, enjoyed talking to more.

               “We’re going to wait here, near the asteroid belt,” Finn pointed at a projection map. “We can hide on the outer rim of the belt and wait for them. Interference from the belt will keep them from detecting us.”

               “Black squadron will lead the assault. We’ll have a very narrow window to do this,” Poe followed up. “Does anyone have any questions?”

               There were mumbles and heads shaking all around. Everyone knew what they had to do. They’d essentially become space pirates, stealing whole supply ships from the First Order mid-transit. They had it down to a science now. The First Order had stepped up their security but so long as the Resistance had the element of surprise, they could get away with relatively little harm.

               “All right,” Poe nodded. “Mission launch at oh-five hundred hours. See you then. Dismissed.”

               He lingered, noticing that Finn did the same, waiting for everyone else to leave so that they could talk without being overheard. The door shwicked shut after the last person and Poe sighed, pushing his hair back at the temples.

               “We’re not going to be able to keep doing this indefinitely you know,” Finn said what they were both thinking. “We’ve been lucky so far, but the First Order hasn’t really fought back yet.”

               “I know,” Poe nodded. “But we need the ships. With more pilots coming in and production shut down on most planets, this is the best way to get them. Maybe we should make this the last run though. There are enough parts in this cargo shipment to make, what, thirty new X-Wings? That should be enough for now.”

               “They’re going to be more heavily guarded on this one,” Finn warned. “Black squadron is going to be in a lot of danger.”

               Poe smiled, scratching at his beard. With his free hand, he clapped Finn on the shoulder and guided him towards the door.

               “Rey is sharp,” he knew that was at the forefront of his friend’s mind. “She’s one of the best pilots in the galaxy.”

               “It’s still dangerous,” Finn exhaled. They made it down the hall and out of the building. During the meeting afternoon had turned to evening. People were milling about, making their way home from their various jobs on base, or heading to the mess hall for dinner. “Really dangerous.”

               “It always is,” Poe agreed. Being around his friend, hearing the concern he expressed endlessly about Rey only solidified for him that he’d made the right choice to voluntarily stay grounded. How many times had Ava had those same fears whenever he was about to launch on a mission? It had been selfish of him to get a thrill from it all while she was back on the base, terrified that he wouldn’t come home to her and Luke again. But it had been beneficial to the Resistance and that had made it bigger than either of them. It’s why people continued to volunteer. It’s why Ava never begged him not to go.

               “This will be the last one,” Poe promised. Finn tipped his head to one side, his expression doubtful but he didn’t say anything about it. “You and Rey getting serious?”

               “Eh,” Finn grinned, not knowing how he should answer. Poe understood. Rey was guarded about her feelings, but the two of them spent so much time together, lit up when they saw each other, so much so that there was no denying from anyone that there was a great deal of affection between them. “Not as serious as about to have twins though,” Finn offered. “You and Ava find out next week what they are?”

               “Yeah,” Poe bit his bottom lip, gleeful at the prospect. “You’ll likely be the first to know. You and Rey,” he added. He knew that Ava would want to share the news with Rey just as quickly as he wanted to share with Finn. “But speaking of the missus, I need to get home.”

               “All right,” Finn clapped him on the shoulder. “See you in the morning.”

               Poe hurried home, hands in his pockets as he went. He nodded as people addressed him with quick greetings of “Colonel” or “Evening, Colonel.” There were some kids kicking around a ball in the quad, the large grassy space between the four biggest buildings on base. It reminded him of being a kid with Ava and Ben. They would play ball games and run around with model ships, completely unaware that while they played their parents were mulling over plans to change the fate of their futures, the fate of the galaxy. He hoped that someday when those kids were grown, when Luke was an adult and the twins were older, that they wouldn’t inherit the problems he battled now the way he had inherited them from Leia’s generation. He smiled at the notion that they were getting close to realizing that dream.

               “Hey Pop,” Luke greeted him from the kitchen when he walked into their quarters. He was in front of the stove, stirring a large pan of something that smelled fantastic, a stir-fry of some kind. His stomach grumbled over the fact that he’d put nothing in it all afternoon but caf. “Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes I think.”

               “You did all this yourself?” Poe came into the kitchen, looking at the pans on the stove. He’d left hardly any trace that he’d had to chop and prep everything, all the dishes from it washed and put away already.

               “Yeah,” Luke grinned, biting his bottom lip the way Poe knew he did when he was really pleased. “Mom wasn’t feeling great so I thought she wouldn’t want to have dinner in the mess hall.”

               Poe ruffled his son’s hair, positively beaming.

               “I’m really proud of you, buddy. I don’t know if I’ve told you that lately.”

               “I know,” the boy replied with a curt nod. “Even if you don’t say it, I know. Mom’s lying down if you want to see her.”

               “No, if she’s resting let’s give her some peace,” Poe turned around and leaned against the counter, folding his arms over his chest, watching as Luke continued to stir the pan, gently flipping the vegetables using just a flick of his wrist while holding the pan’s handle. “How is the speeder coming along?”

               “The repulsor still isn’t working right,” Luke scowled. “The port side bow stays up but everything else just drags on the ground. And that’s just handling the frame. I haven’t put anything else in, not the seats, the panels, nothing.”

               “You want me and BB-8 to come help you out?” Poe offered. He knew that his son wanted to do this himself to prove that he could, and Poe hadn’t interfered with that. Temmin had stepped in to give him a little guidance, helping him acquire the parts and such. But Luke was a good kid and he had wisdom enough to know when he needed help.

               “Do you have the time to spare?” He tipped his head to the side to look at his father.

               For a moment, Poe wondered if maybe there was a question of whether or not Luke was important enough, but that wasn’t the tone his voice had taken and his expression looked excited and hopeful, rather than bitter, which provided some relief from the guilt Poe felt over not being home so much in preparation for the morning’s upcoming mission.

               “I’ll always have time for you,” Poe laid a hand on Luke’s arm. “You’re my son. If you need me, all you have to do is say the word and I’ll make time for you.”

               “Maybe the end of the week you can come to the hanger?”

               “Yeah,” he grinned. “I’ll make sure everyone knows I’m off duty that day.”

               “Thanks Pop,” Luke smiled, his face went blank a moment. “Mom’s awake. I’ll let you know when dinner’s ready.” He nodded his head towards the bedrooms.

               Poe clapped his son on the back and grunted as he straightened up, no longer leaning on the counter for support. He shuffled into the bedroom, shutting the door softly behind him. Ava was curled up on her side facing away from him and he didn’t want to alarm her. She looked so peaceful compared to when he’d left earlier, snuggled in the blankets and pillows, breathing softly. Poe unzipped his jacket and shrugged it off, hanging it on the hook on the door. He kicked off his boots without bothering to unlace them and padded over to his side of the bed. Ava watched him under heavy lidded, weary eyes as he climbed into the bed, his knees and the heels of his hands pressing into the mattress as he leaned forward to kiss her.

               “Hey,” he whispered, his nose brushing against hers.

               “Hey,” she smiled, eyes closing as she took in a deep breath and released it in a contented sigh. “Your meeting go ok?”

               “Yeah, but that’s not important right now,” Poe tucked her hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek. Ava groaned a little as she sat up, her back against the headboard. She rubbed her stomach mindlessly. He laid his hand on the side of her stomach closest to him, feeling for his babies to move. They weren’t always active when he wanted to feel them, so he tried to feel for them as often as possible. “Luke made dinner for us,” he told her and watched her smile brightly.

               “We did something right with him,” Ava sighed. “Oh!”

               Poe felt babies jostling around and beamed as he pressed both hands to Ava’s stomach trying to get a better feel for them. He remembered feeling Luke that way, how he’d turn and kick and stretch. It still amazed him how his wife tolerated it so well, having active little humans doing somersaults in her belly.

               “I think we’ve made acrobats,” she stated as though she knew exactly what he’d been thinking. Poe knew she could pry into his mind if she wanted but she never did. She didn’t have to. They were very much in sync as is. “Or maybe dancers.”

               “Luke moved like a drunken brawler in there,” Poe snickered. The babies stopped moving and he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to Ava’s belly. “Good thing he became more graceful once he got the hang of walking.”

               “Mmm,” Ava nodded, enjoying the moment in silence.

               “I was thinking about your problem,” he brought it up gently, not wanting to disrupt the peacefulness of the moment, but wanting to let her know that he hadn’t forgotten how upset she’d been earlier. “With Ben.”

               “Ben,” Ava scoffed. “He’s been trying to talk to Luke. It’s a good thing I’ve been training him since he was little. It worries me what might have happened if I hadn’t.”

               “Would it be so bad for you to talk to him?”

               Ava’s eyes scrunched up, her brow furrowing and a deeply upset frown marring her pleasant face. He knew that she wouldn’t like the suggestion and he wasn’t sure he liked it either if he was being completely honest with himself. But in a way it made sense.

               “Why would I talk to him?” Ava asked incredulously. “Why would you be ok with me talking to him?”

               “I’m not thrilled about it,” Poe confessed. He leaned back against the headboard, his head tipping back as he let out a heavy sigh. He stared at the ceiling as his hand searched for hers. Finding it, he laced his fingers between hers and gave her hand a squeeze. “But we both know he’s not going to stop.”

               “No, he’s not,” Ava grumbled.

               “I know you don’t want to be part of the mission to save Ben Solo’s soul. I’m not saying you have to change your mind about that. All I’m saying is that he might need someone to talk to that he trusts. If what Rey has said is true, that he’s turning to the light, he’s probably feeling very alone. Remember how lonely he was as a kid even when he had us?”

               “I know,” Ava groaned and ran her free hand down her face. “But we’re not kids anymore. I’m your wife. You’re one of the highest-ranking officers of the Resistance. What if he’s just trying to get information?”

               “You don’t give yourself enough credit,” Poe dropped his chin again, looking at Ava with a fond smile. “He couldn’t get anything out of you when you were in the same room as him. He’s been trying and failing for weeks to get you to even talk to him. You’re stronger than you know.”

               “But everything he’s done,” Ava shook her head.

               “I know,” he gave her hand another squeeze. “But if he’s really turning to the light, maybe it’s time to remember our best friend instead of the monster in a mask. Otherwise he might never come back. Just think it over.”

               “You’re a good man, Poe Dameron,” Ava laid her head on his shoulder, nuzzling close to him.

               “So, I’ve been told,” he grunted, smirking. “But right now, I’m just a hungry man.” He kissed the top of her head, released his hold on her hand and got up, hurrying around to her side of the bed. She held her hands out of him and he helped pull her to her feet. “Let’s go get some dinner.”

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[violetbeachpod]

transcript: 10 - skeleton outline

Episode Link

BENJI:

Okay. Let’s get back into it. Let’s do this. Alright. Gotta—hype myself up. Y’know?

Benji is back! That’s me! I’m here! I’m ready to discuss theories, cuz that’s my--my whole deal!

I’m very stressed out right now! If that’s not super clear from my tone and my whole--y’know. Vibes?

So. Moments of Mystery Two, Electric Boogaloo. Or, maybe, Moments of Mystery Two: The Sequel To Moments of Mystery. Who’s to say? Not me! Definitely not me, I have not slept for the past twenty-seven hours, which is kinda interfering with my whole energy. So.

I just drank two five hour energies, speaking of energy. That’s—that’s certainly something. It’s not healthy, but it’s where I’m at today. We are all allowed to have off days. That’s a thing. My off days mean that I’m gonna inhale energy drinks like my life depends on it, so. Boom. I’m the epitome of health. The very paragon of humanity at its finest.

That’s a joke. I promise. I—I’m just having an off week. I let myself have one of those per month, now, and it’s working great. I’m doing great. So great.

Also, I’m keeping a planner now, somehow. Took me long enough? I’m not super into it, but, hey, practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, so. Boom. Yeah!

So. Let’s do a table of contents. Everyone’s favorite thing, I know, but they’re important to me! Please, humor me.

One: Personal updates. In this section, we’ll address how I, personally, am doing. This will hopefully be short.

Two: Recaps and updates on our most recent weird happenings. In this section--well. Self-explanatory. You get it! I get it! We all get it.

Three: Theories. Again, kind of self explanatory.

Four: This is sort of a grab bag, where I’ll throw in some tangents. I don’t know what to title this section. We’ll just call it Untitled and then call it a day, maybe? If I come up with one by then, I’ll clarify.

Five: Sign-off slash conclusion. In this section, I’ll give you a wrap up. Nice and easy. I know it’ll go off the rails, but at least we have a skeleton.

So. Part one. Personal updates. Let’s go. I—I have a quick list, bullet points. I’m very into those lately. All about them.

My life is going okay, I think? I’m--I’ve obviously been very stressed in the past week, but overall, stuff’s going okay! We’re kinda understaffed, which is rough, because people are actually coming in more, now, but, hey, I get it! It’s cool!

Uh. I got a boating licence? For all boat-related needs. I don’t own a boat--I’m not made of money--but I have the option now, y’know? Gotta keep those options out there. If you can’t do everything, what’s the point? I gotta prepare for my whims. Gotta predict what’s next, and, look, I’m unpredictable, so. A walking contradiction, that’s me, like I’m some sort of bad 90s alt-rock lyric. Some sort of manic pixie dream dude. I have the glasses for it and everything. I could pull that off. Make a movie about me, rom-com directors! I’m quirky enough.

And. Final personal update, because rule of threes, because that’s important, and that’s symbolic, and that’s--it’s because I have three personal updates. That’s why, I’m not actually going for three, I--I just have three of ‘em. Very fun.

Uh. That update is that I’m having an off week! I keep mentioning this because I feel like it needs constant reiteration, and also, because my brain is focusing on that thought a lot and I think that if I say it out loud a lot, I’ll stop focusing on it? Which seems counterproductive, but it’s like, uh, listening to a  song that’s stuck in your head with the hope that it’ll get unstuck. Y’know?

But that’s not the fun part of this, my life—that’s not what I’m here to talk about. We’re here for the weird. The wild. The crazy. You get the picture. So. I’m—let’s wrap up part one with a, like. Hope that you guys are all having good weeks? If any of you have a boat, which I sincerely doubt you do, I can drive it now, but I don’t think that I should do it this week. Because—you know. Yeah.

So. Let’s get into part two: Weird stuff. Hell yeah.

Teresa’s thing: Still weird. Still very weird. We all know this. Again, reiterating for effect.

But—we’ve been seeing more and more sort of—not-from-this-universe people. Not entire ones. We still haven’t had any more successes, as far as I know? But—that’s why we have a lot of new customers! Because Mae is—telling them that I’m relatively chill? Which is cool, except for that, again, we’re understaffed. So—

It’s weird. Cuz I have to, uh, give recommendations to folks who can’t really communicate, always, and who can’t really express anything with their faces, because their faces are kind of obscured, but, look, I’ve gotten really good at listening comprehension now, so, uh, take that, ERBs. Take that, fourth grade teachers with bizarre reward-punishment systems that really didn’t help at all and kind of encouraged bullying?

I know that Charlotte was very dismissive of this, but I am curious about the nature of doubles between universes. Because there isn’t one of me, unlike the rest of you. That’s—we know that Teresa’s double is also very determined, very resilient, and very into bad comedy. We know that Elaine’s double is also new in town, though we don’t know much about her, and we know that Charlotte’s double is intimidating, which, no comment. I am not, personally, intimidated by Our-Charlotte, but, uh. Maybe that’s also an also? Who’s to say? Again, not me! We don’t know much about Other-AJ or Other-Robin or Other-Angie other than that Other-Angie did not go to Harvard at all, and instead started at Lands?

Tongue twister, there. So much usage of the word other, way-too-much. We need a better word. A noun, maybe, rather than an adjective, or maybe a word that functions as both? Like orange. Or, uh classic, or static, or, or, or.

Again. You get the picture. You—you guys get what I’m saying.

It feels weird, knowing what’s next. There’s not much to do with that knowing other than to know it. Which is annoying, y’know? It’s just—it’s. Surreal, to have this knowledge that’s so strange.

Which leads me into part three: Theories! Everyone’s favorite part of this maybe, my favorite part of this definitely.

Re: doubles—I think it’s random. Well, not random, but, like—it’s just the way the multiverse crumbles, I guess. Or, not crumbles. But functions. It’s—it’s not breaking down, that’s not what’s going on here. It’s just existing. As is the wont of multiverses. I think that’s their wont, at least. I assume. Maybe I shouldn’t?

We know now that there’s not really a big destiny here. I—I’m putting together pieces that mean nothing because I feel like I have to, yeah? But there are answers to be found.

Time stopped again yesterday. Did any of you notice? Cuz I did. I really did. That should have gone in section two, but I just remembered it now. It’s kinda getting boring, all these things are just—blurring together. They’re underwhelming. Hey, parallel universe, get some better special effects, y’know? Make it flashier. The audience wants saturation, wants intrigue, wants—something more than this. Whatever this is.

If you told me a year ago that I’d find time shenanigans boring—I don’t know. It would’ve been shocking? I would react weird.

Oh! I have something, uh. Related. Something related: I still don’t know why it’s us, though. As much as Mae says it’s not us, it has to be, because—we repeated a day. Nobody else did, but we did. It’s not self-importance, here, it’s fact. If I say, hey, have you ever time-looped, to a person, they look at me like I’m batshit. And you notice these things. You notice them—because you miss work, or because you miss class, or because you miss your doctor’s appointment—the rest of the world did the exact same as they did, but we—we went through a day twice, differently.

It’s not coincidence. It’s—something.

The time loop happened before we met Mae. Before we started talking about what happened, before there was a record, other than Teresa’s journals, which she won’t let any of us read.

It’s something. I don’t know what it is, but it’s something. That’s gotta have some significance in this, right?

So. What else do I have to say? Uh. Okay. I—

I don’t know. I guess—I’ll just continue? Because I think that my point needs further elaboration. More—detail. More intrigue. I am all about intrigue. If there’s no intrigue, there’s no point, right? Right. Flash is important, in the long run. Gotta make an impact, gotta make a statement, or else, you’re insignificant to history. Well. Not insignificant. Plenty of quiet people are significant. But—Look. Listen.

I misspoke. I mean—

There’s no such thing as insignificance, I don’t think? Because—ripple effect. Step on a butterfly. Right? Every action is important re: the fate of the universe and humanity and also everything else, but I feel like that’s implied already, so. So, like, we already had to be significant to this. But we never got that Why Us answer, and I don’t even know how to expand the question further than just those two words, Why Us.

It’s not the existential Why Us, either it’s the very literal Why Us that I’m asking, but it’s just—

I want that answer. I care about that answer. I need to know! We all need to know—I don’t care if it’s cosmic necessity or wrong place right time or right place wrong time or whatever, I care about knowing. I’m a big fan of knowing. Really big fan of it. I’m just—overwhelmed by normal life, underwhelmed by mystery-hunting life, and I want the vice-versa. Yeah? Yeah. Want to drown in the cool shit and breathe in the boring shit. That’s my whole thing. My whole deal. That’s balance, that place between drowning and hyperventilation. But I wanna tilt the scales a bit toward drowning, cuz I’m an adrenaline junkie.

And I—I think I’m entitled to know it. We’re all entitled to know it; it’s something about us that we’re missing. Something that we’re not asking for whatever reason. We gotta dig deeper. Gotta figure out our role, and then we gotta play it. Method act. You know?

You know.

So. That’s—this isn’t really a grab bag, but I’m too all over the place to come up with a better title, so.

So. How do I even end this? I—I don’t have bullet points for this part. I really don’t. I should’ve written them down as I went along with, uh, stuff that I needed to get back to, but I didn’t, and I gotta reconsider that for the future, but. Hey, nobody’s perfect. I’m certainly not. Again, off day. Off off off day. My brain is in eight-nine different places right now. Some of it’s on Mars, I think. I think about Mars a lot, but that’s not what I’m getting at.

We have to keep asking questions. I’m not a leader by any means—you guys can’t really be led regardless of who’s in charge. I can’t be led, I can’t lead. We’re a pretty chaotic group, and I love that. I love this dynamic a lot. It’s good. It works, for all the ways it shouldn’t.

But—we have to. We need to drive ourselves to understand. That’s—that’s bad wording, but you know what I mean. You don’t need total clarity to get my gist.

Time stopped again this morning. And it stopped last night, and it’ll stop again soon, and again, and again, and again, and again—

We’re background players, but so’s everyone, in the context of every story. Why don’t we try and change that? Something else is clearly trying to make us more important. I think that whatever that something is has a point.

So. Boom. I guess. There’s my conclusion. There’s my big fancy bow on top of the box, the—the point. My whole damn gist.

I don’t have a good sign off. I wish that we could have one, though, that would be—very fun. But, again, chaotic group, works for all the ways it shouldn’t. Can’t be consistent. Gotta surprise each other constantly. That’s—that’s good.

So let’s use that dynamic for all of its power and solve this mystery. These mysteries. These—everythings.

So. Um.

Yes. That’s my last thought. I’m gonna cut this off. Cool! Gonna go try and get this stress out somehow. Not sure how. Maybe run? I hate running, but it’ll help, right?

Off topic. Sorry. I’ll talk to you later!

[dxmedstudent]

hello dr. dx (i hope u dont mind me calling u that), i've noticed that in a lot of medical tv shows/movies there's always an ep where the patient/their families refuse medical help bc of their religion (Jehovah's witness seems to always be the reason) and the doctors portrayed almost always just gives up. im curious about how you and other docs go about this in the real world. i understand u have to respect the pts. wishes but do u just give up after informing them of all the consequences?

Hello! I’m fine with you calling me Dr Dx, even Dx is fine. Unless we’re in hospital and you’re my patient, then I’m pretty much another normal person * :) Medical ethics is a really interesting subject; like many of us, I could probably wax lyrical about it all day and still have things to say. It’s sometimes clear cut, and sometimes it’s less than evident what the ‘best’ way forward is. But what’s important is knowing what the laws are, within the country we are working in. I’ll start with something important. People usually (almost always wrongly) quote the Hippocratic oath, which is archaic and technically legally irrelevant. But that’s not the only ethical code we have. More simply, and importantly, we have four basic pillars in medical ethics; four rules that fundammentally govern how we act:

Autonomy – we must respect the patient's right to make their own decision.

Beneficence – we must 'do good' for our patients.

Non-Maleficence – we must aim to  'do no harm'

Justice – we must treat people fairly and equitably.

So it’s built into the basic rules of doctoring that we have to respect the patient’s right to choose what happens to their body and their health. In the UK, the laws are clear regarding whether a patient is capable of making this choice; that is, whether they are competent. Every adult is presumed competent unless we have reason to suspect otherwise, in which case we assess their competence.  Teenagers can be found to be Gillick/Frasier competent if they are mature enough to understand the decision, but that’s a more complex issue. Exactly where the line is for whether a patient is competent can be complex. But to summarise the essence of competence, it’s something like this:  that the patient has the ability to take in the relevant information, retain that information long enough to decide,  process it and weigh it up, come to a decision and communicate that decision to us.  It’s absolutely vital for us to realise this: the decision that the patient has come to does not need to be rational to us; patients, if the are competent, have the right to make a ‘bad’ decision. We as a society don’t go around interfering with everyone’s lives when they are making a decision that may be regrettable, and that holds true for medicine as well. Someone like a Jehovah’s Witness (and I’ve treated a few) has firmly held beliefs about which treatments they will consider, and which they won’t. It’s absolutely fine for us to discuss the potential options with them (including alternatives to blood products), and the risks of refusing treatment we think is medically necessary. To be fair, most Jehovah’s witnesses are very, very informed about this already, because it’s one of their core beliefs. So quite often, they already know everything there is to know. And it’s important to realise that they aren’t acting out of ignorance, but out of beliefs. Ignorance of medical science is something you can potentially change, if you take time to build up their trust and discuss things together. But beliefs are a different matter; it’s unlikely that I or anyone else will change how they feel about something that was never based on fact to begin with. Now, I can attempt to inform a patient who just doesn’t know enough to make a decision, and I can work with a patient to clear up any misapprehensions they may have about treatment options. But I probably will not be causing any massive changes in peoples’ idealogies. I’m not out to convert people to a different religion or make them stop believing in what they already practice; I have to respect that this is a part of them, and support them with this in mind. The conversations we have with each patient is different, and so are the pressures acting on them. So with some patients you can barely touch on a topic at all because their mind is decided, whereas with other patients it is much easier to have an indepth discussion about a difficult topic. But there’s only so much talking we can do before the clinician has to accept that the patient has made their choice. I don’t watch many medical dramas (heh, you can have such a thing as too much medicine, I usually flick the channel onto somehting else as if something awful came on, whenever I happen upon a medical program on TV these days!), but perhaps they aren’t quite doing these kinds of interaction justice when they portray the topic. I guess that happens because TV likes to show medicine as being dramatic, with constant life-and-death decisions and people butting heads over everything, and egos blazing on all sides. But in real life, everything is much more slow-paced, most decisions aren’t imminently life threatening, most people are more mellow and eveything is generally a lot less exciting. I dare say nobody would watch an average doctor’s shift on TV if it wasn’t jazzed up a bit. From where I’m standing, I don’t see it as ‘giving up’ if I respect that my patient with particular beliefs will choose to go along with them. The rules are there for a reason, and I must follow them, but it’s more than that; I have to respect the free will of the patient to choose for themselves. I have to respect them as an individual capable of reasoned thought and free will, even if I disagree with their choice. Although it’s sometimes uncomfortable when patients choose what we would consider to be a bad course of action (most frequently, self-discharging when we think they still need treatment, please don’t do this), it’s part of our job to support their right to decide. And it’s just as much a vital part of doctoring, being one of the 4 core tenets of our care. If I think someone will die as a direct result of refusing treatment, I’d be pretty negligent to not make that clear, and it’s never fun to have to go the ‘you know, if you continue with this, you may die, and I have to make you sign this paperwork to demonstrate that you understand that I’m telling you that you may die, because you may die’ route. It’s never a path we like walking down, because we like treating people, and we like fast solutions, and we like to know that we’ve done our best, sorted someone out and they are now safe. That is literally all I want from every patient interaction, for them to be stable, safe and be getting better. In the end, doctors are simple people at heart. We want to make things better and keep people safe. But, in the end, I have to respect their right to decide, if they have capacity.  It doesn’t matter if someone decides to refuse treatment A because of their beliefs, or because they think it won’t work, or because they prefer holy water and homeopathy, or because they just don’t like me and think I’m stupid. As long as they are competent (i.e. mentally there enough to be able to decide), then it’s their call. Now, sometimes people aren’t competent to decide. In which case, in the UK we treat them either according to the mental capacity act (if the illness is physical) or the mental health act (if the illness and treatment is mental health related). We can treat people in their best interests (i.e. to save their life) knowing that they cannot make a decision at this point in time, because their ability to do so is significantly impaired. This might be due to something physical like an infection causing them to be delirious, or something mental like an acute episode of mania. If they can’t make the decision because they lack capacity, we act in their best interests, with the aim of restoring their ability and capacity. We try to be the least restrictive or invasive that we can be, and to act purely with their interests in mind. And if the patent is a kid, things get more complex. If doctors believe a kid needs lifesaving treatment and the parents refuse (whatever the grounds), odds are that the doctors and hospital will probably have to take the family to court and treat the child in their best interests, regardless of the beliefs and reasonsings of the parent. Because, although we’re allowed to make rash or silly decisions about ourselves, we aren’t necessarily allowed  to do this for our children. Because our children are not chattel, and have their own inviolable rights to life and to treatment. So if a child is involved, things get a lot more complicated, tend to go to court, and the doctors will err on the side of actively treating the child wherever possible. That’s where things can get really complex and bitter. Nobody wants these kinds of situation to arise, and it can be hugely stressful for everyone involved. But for the most part, it’s not as dramatic as TV will have you believe. For the most part, even patients with strongly held beliefs who refuse treatments are generally cooperative and able to make a plan for their present and future care. It adds another layer of complexity to our work, but we don’t sit there every day stressing about what might happen if a Jehovah’s Witness came in. It’s just a situation we have to address every once in a while. * in hospital, I’m just a normal person with a stethoscope and too many things to do...

[rookieskrp]

ROOKIES ANNOUNCEMENT ROUND-UP!

As the title says, we have a few things to cover in this post, but it’s all important, so please buckle up for the long ride and take a look.

First of all, we have the issue of AIM statuses going away once and for all to deal with. As you can probably tell by the replies to the post I just linked, the overwhelming response was to use Twitter to supplement AIM without statuses. For anyone curious about the process behind that decision, I counted each platform someone suggested as a vote for that platform. I also counted anyone adding me on that platform as a vote! As such, when anyone said they’d prefer a combination of AIM and Twitter, I counted their vote for both AIM and Twitter. The final count ended up being 6 votes for LINE, 7 votes for AIM, and 15 votes for Twitter. I think I had two people add me on Discord, too.

All of your mods are already available on Twitter (and AIM of course, though not as regularly for all of us these days.) Some of us are available on LINE and other platforms as well, so in the end, the SNS you use to communicate OOC is entirely up to you. We’ll include the OOC contact information of all of the mods at the end of this post so you can get in touch with all of us on anything we’ll be using, however, we’ll all be easiest to reach on Twitter or AIM, and it seems like that’s the case for the rest of the roleplay as well!

We also have a Twitter account for quick staff updates to take the place of any more important AIM statuses we would make in their absence. Please follow and/or bookmark that if you haven’t yet!

Now that that’s out of the way, there’s something else we need to address in regards to AIM statuses, and our OOC communications in general. Lately, multiple members have been hurt by things said on AIM statuses and other semi-public forums by other members of the roleplay. There have even been more instances of anon hate lately. We like to deal with any OOC conflicts as privately as possible, however, this has become a recurring theme to the point that we feel it’s necessary to announce this to everyone.

We’re hoping as AIM statuses go away, that part of this problem will go away as well, but we’re also mindful that anywhere there are people communicating publicly, there’s a chance of people being hurt. We can’t stop all of that, but we can make an effort to prevent as much pain as possible. Life is already hard enough, and RP is supposed to be a safe, fun escape from all of that, so as we make the move to a new platform (or even if you stick on AIM without statuses) let’s keep that in mind and try to make Rookies a more positive environment all around. This isn’t meant to target anyone in particular, or single anyone out; in fact, we’re sharing this with everyone to make that very clear. We think this is something we could all be better at, so let’s be more mindful of the effect our words can have on one another, especially where lots of people can see.

We’ll touch back on this later, but bear with us for a detour. It’s related, we promise!

As you probably know by now, Mod Mira and Mod Carly have both had real life get in the way of Rookies recently. Some of that was covered both here and here. Mod Mira had to go on an emergency hiatus for almost the entirety of the months of December and January due to lack of computer access and personal reasons. She was finally able to return to us in full at the end of January!

Naturally, as it often happens, real life’s timing wasn’t great, because Mod Carly was terribly sick since legitimately the day Mira returned. Mod Mira’s return to us was brought about thanks to a new job and the ability to buy a new PC, which is great! However, she still has a lot to get adjusted to, with both settling into her new real life job and settling back into her job as a mod. On top of all of this, Mod Shannen’s real life job has kept her incredibly busy for the past few months, even though she’s still worked hard to help us. Mod Kyle is the most consistent mod presence we’ve had, but even he was incredibly busy with work during the holidays.

We’ve worked really hard in the past few weeks, and hopefully the increase in events and activity has made that obvious, too! However, real life interfering has gotten us a little bit off schedule. We’re sorry about that and for the inconvenience; we know things getting delayed is frustrating, and that many of the members here have spent a lot of time waiting. We don’t want to make you wait on us any longer than necessary. Sometimes, we get so excited about the events we have planned and getting everyone involved, we get them going quickly and don’t give ourselves the proper time to prepare to bring everything to you. Other times, real life emergencies interfere. Either way, we know all of the members have been incredibly patient during the more than three years of Rookies now, so we won’t request more patience from you. We’ll only request your understanding.

This brings us back to OOC comments. We see a lot of your tweets and statuses, so we see your excitement, (which we love!) but that also means we see your disappointment. This isn’t us saying that disappointment isn’t valid or allowed, because it is, and it’s also understandable. However, we’ve asked multiple times that if anyone has any questions or criticisms, either of the roleplay, us, or other members, that they would take it directly to a mod (or another member, where applicable) instead of talking about it publicly on statuses. We ask this, for one, so we can make sure we see anything you’re concerned about and can address and handle it directly. We also ask this, however, because some of the comments we’ve been seeing lately have really discouraged us, as well as other members.

We are mods because we love you, Rookies as a roleplay, and what we do for it. We dedicate our time to this roleplay entirely due to our passion, and it’s all volunteer, and sometimes, there are things we have to put above modding. There’s nothing we’d love more than to put out events and other work in Rookies that everyone is excited about and happy with, but we’ve been blessed with a huge and diverse collection of people in the roleplay, and where that happens, it gets more and more difficult (impossible, honestly) to make everyone happy. We can’t make everyone happy, but we constantly strive to improve where we lack as a team and create more things you can enjoy and better represent the members we’re lucky to have in the roleplay. Seeing public criticism of us and other members doesn’t help us to improve; in fact, it actually discourages us and saps our motivation, which in combination with the stress of our real lives, makes it even harder for us to bring you the content we want to in the timeline we want to. Naturally, this only frustrates everyone more, so we end up in a negative cycle.

This is us breaking the cycle.

This is the first rule in Rookies: “While IC drama is encouraged, OOC DRAMA IS NOT TOLERATED. Please be respectful to one another, and if you can’t, avoid each other. If there’s an issue, don’t hesitate to let a staff member know so we can help you.”

Some of you that were in Rookies longer may remember when the rule was something worded more strongly: “OOC DRAMA IS NOT TOLERATED. You cause drama, you’re out. No warnings.”

We changed this rule because even with countless ups and downs Rookies experienced in the realm of drama while running more than three years, no one was ever kicked out. We wanted a set of rules we would be sure to uphold, and we don’t want to kick anyone out. Everyone’s time is limited, and we respect the amount of time and effort the members have put into this roleplay so much, and are grateful you choose to spend some of your limited time with us.

What are we asking you to do? Think before you post something on social media outside of Tumblr. It may be cliche, but ‘treat others how you want to be treated’ is a good rule of thumb. Is there anyone you wouldn’t want to see what you’re about to post? If you saw the status or tweet you were about to make and it was directed at you, would you be hurt? If the answer to either of those questions is ‘yes’ or you aren’t sure, it’s best to keep that comment to yourself, a private chat, or take it to a mod. Please keep the first rule of Rookies in mind; be respectful to one another, and if you can’t, avoid each other. If there’s an issue, let a staff member know privately. Addressing drama on a public platform may seem easy, but it only tends to get more people involved in the drama, and get more people hurt in the process.

It’s easy for intentions to be misunderstood online as well, and sometimes explaining things to each other can sort out a lot of drama. Let’s listen to each other more, and if it turns out you hurt someone entirely unintentionally with something you said, apologize. If you’re the party hurt, and the person that hurt you apologizes, do your best to be forgiving and move past the issue together.

On the other hand, if you see a post and think it’s about someone you know, if you have the urge to screenshot it and show anyone, please bring it to a mod first so we can address things without them getting out of control. Sometimes, it’s best to just leave a comment be instead of spreading it and again, getting more people involved, and subsequently, hurt.

In general, passive aggressive or ‘shady’ statuses, tweets, anons-- anything -- don’t do anyone any good and certainly hurt people more than they help.

If these problems continue even as AIM statuses disappear and we venture into a “new era” of OOC social media, we will take more serious action, even though we all wish we didn’t have to make these kinds of rules. As the people running this roleplay, our top priority is keeping this environment as safe, positive, and fun as we possibly can; remember, having fun is the point of roleplaying in the first place! We want this to be an enjoyable place for our members and for ourselves, and we hope you’ll join us in cultivating that kind of space.

For more on what we stand for in Rookies, we’ll leave you with this post by our admin as a good reminder, both to our members and ourselves. If there are muns you’d rather avoid, please let a mod know that as well. We can’t always promise to keep everyone that doesn’t get along with each other apart (especially if there’s an issue we aren’t aware of), but we can promise you’re never obligated to interact Ic or OOC with anyone you’re uncomfortable with.

We’ve talked a lot about how you can help us to improve Rookies, but we’re serious about doing better ourselves, too. We’re far from perfect as mods, and we’re aware of the mistakes we’ve made and are working hard to learn from them. We know we haven’t done the best at upholding our “no tolerance for drama” rule. We know that it’s easy to say ‘bring issues to a mod,’ but is much harder in practice when a mod isn’t always around or easily accessible to communicate with. We also know it’s frustrating to anticipate the next part of an event and not have it come out on time, and these things are on us. With how chaotic life has been for all of us lately, we acknowledge now more than ever that we need help!

So to end off on a more positive note, we’ll be opening up applications for mods in the coming days. We love Rookies and our members, and we’re committed to keeping things running smoothly and according to plan even when our own lives interfere, and in order to do that, we need at least one new addition to our team. This post is already more than long enough, and we need some time to prepare for the process, but look forward to more information on that soon.

Thank you for the time you took in reading this, and for the time you’ve devoted to Rookies so far. We hope you know that even in tougher posts like this, we appreciate you all more than we can possibly express. But we also want you to know that you have our full support in dedicating your free time to things you enjoy, that are positive outlets for you, and help reduce your stress. If Rookies isn’t fun, or becomes more draining or stressful than it is a positive part of your life, we’ll never force you to stay. We want to emphasize again that roleplaying should be fun, and if it’s not, you should find a way to make it fun or take some time away from it. We’ll be happy to try to help you find ways to make it fun, but if that isn’t working, we’ll also fully support you stepping away from Rookies if that’s what you need to do, and that will always be the case.

As promised, here’s our OOC contact information to make getting in touch with us as easy as possible! If you have any questions or concerns regarding this post, please direct them to one of us here.

Carly

twitter: hentaekai aim: hentaekai line: patchworkclouds discord: hentaekai #6032 always available on taeminrk’s tumblr ims!

Kyle

aim: taetaerp2@gmail.com twitter: kylekrp

Mira

twitter: yulbins aim: k.yulhee line: yulbins can often be found lurking on yulrk’s ims or rkevent’s inbox

Shannen

aim: howonie

[writebethany]

I really like this General Danvers ficlets series. Is there any way maybe Maggie could be brought in? Somehow Vega gets caught up with the police perhaps? It doesn't have to be anything sexual but I think it would be nice to see her. And if it doesn't become something sexual maybe it could be a "if I wasn't with Astra I could see myself trying a relationship with this woman" or something.

Previous Parts

The summer between her freshman and sophomore year of college, Vega gets political. Really political. Attends every protest she can, petition signing, door knocking, flyer passing out type of political. It’s for a rather personal cause. A few months before a new alien race that’s unknown to everyone, even the aliens in M’gann’s bar showed up on Earth’s doorstep with a white flag and a proposal for trade. Their people lived off pollution quite literally, and even being as wasteful as possible, their population had reached a critical level. Earth had enough pollution to sustain them for a good long time. The citizens of Earth got a clean planet and the aliens got to keep on living. It was a win-win.

Except that humans saw aliens that weren’t so shiny as Superman or Supergirl and lost their damn minds. The US government had made moves to shoot the so called invaders out of the sky. Vega, being an alien herself had taken offense to this, of course, and had joined the peace movement as soon as she could.

That’s how she meets Maggie Sawyer, detective of the NCPD called into service because the protest on a summer day in the middle of June were too massive for the patrol officers to handle alone. She drew the short straw and she’s manning the booking desk when Vega’s brought in, red faced and clearly angry, but she’s not struggling or mouthing off like a lot of the protestors are. Maggie, who’s got a headache the size of Nebraska, appreciates it.

“What are the charges,” she asks the officer escorting her, a little bored even with the chaos and the headache factored in. She’s rather be out actually doing something.

“Assaulting a police officer.”

Maggie raises an eyebrow at that. It wasn’t an uncommon charge for protests, but this girl definitely didn’t look like she’d haul off and punch an officer. And from the look that crosses the girl’s face, just a microexpression really, not something easily faked, Maggie guesses there’s something more there. She’s detective. She might as well detect.

“Peterson!” Maggie calls back.

Peterson, a rookie who’s greener than grass shows up at her side.

“You’ve been shown how booking works?” Maggie asks. It’s simple work. Peterson isn’t the brightest, but he’s smart enough for this.

He nods.

“Good, you manage this, I’ve got something to look into.” She walks around the desk and takes the girl’s arm. “I’ve got this,” she says to the officer. 

He nods. “The officer report is already on file for you.” Then he walks back out into the fray.

Maggie leads the girl back to an interview room and unlocks the cuffs. “Sit. You need water? It’s hot out there?”

The girl nods and Maggie grabs a couple bottles before sitting down. “So, what happened?”

“I get a lawyer don’t I?” she asks.

“If you want one, but something tells me that the charges against you are bull.” She pulls up the report file and looks it over. It’s sparse, she figured since it was from the field, but something sticks out to her. There’s no video from a button cam, and all officers have one today of all days. The guy filing would have been asked to upload the relevant footage which would have taken a couple minutes at most even away from the precint. Maggie smells a rat stronger than she did before.

“They are, but I shouldn’t say anything until I have a lawyer, or at least my parents are here.”

Maggie nods. “Fair enough, better to be safe than sorry, I respect that. You still have your phone on you?”

The girl nods. 

“Go ahead then.”

She takes out her phone and dials. Someone picks up the other end almost immediately, but Maggie can’t hear what they’re saying. Whatever it is, the girl responds in a language that definitely isn’t from Earth. Well, she supposes that’s not surprising at a peace protest for aliens. She wonders if the Gythnaim knew they’d get into this much trouble approaching Earth. Maybe they did and they were truly that desperate. Maggie didn’t know.

The girl hangs up the phone and Maggie leans back in her chair. “So, what planet?” 

The girl blinks. “Excuse me?”

“Definitely not a terrestrial language. I’m with the science division normally so I deal with a lot of cases the public don’t particularly know about, crosses into aliens a fair bit. I’ve dated a few too. So. Planet?”

“I was born here,” the girl asserts adamantly. 

“But your parents?”

“My Mom was born here too.”

“But what about your Dad?”

The girl crosses her arms. “I don’t have one.”

“But you said parents so, another mom?” Maggie smiles softly at the thought. 

“Yes.”

“Huh, lesbian alien, with the LGBT community already so small it’s a miracle I don’t know them already, let alone an alien that hangs around. Thought I dated them all.”

The girl blinks again, this time more stunned than anything. “What?”

“Yeah, kid, lesbian police officer, who would have thought.” Maggie rolls her eyes. Stereotype got her everytime damn it.

“No, I was more talking about the dating all the LGBT aliens part of that.” The girl sat forward.

“Oh, yeah, what are your parents’ names I could tell you if I know them. Or dated them. Your name would also be nice. Caliing you kid doesn’t seem like the best.”

“Vega Danvers, my moms are Alex Danvers and Astra In-Ze,” Vega says.

Maggie whistles. She’s heard of the both of them, not from the community, but from her job working with science division. Alex and the DEO routinely steal cases away from them, though Maggie’s never had the pleasure. Astra is hard to miss too, considering she helps Supergirl more often than not. 

“Nope, never dated them, but I know of them.”

The girl perks up. “They’re both here.”

Well, that answers the question of whether Vega was an alien herself. The hearing couldn’t be anything but.

Maggie walks out of the room to find two women practically charging towards her. She knows angry mama bears when she sees them and just steps aside and lets them through, grabbing an extra chair from the empty desks and coming back into the room and shutting the door.

The woman with the white streak whips around to face her as the door shuts. “What are the charges.”

“Supposedly assaulting an officer, but.” Maggie shrugs.

“Supposedly?” The woman takes a step forward.

“That’s what I’m trying to get to the bottom of right now,” Maggie says calmly. “I’m Dectective Maggie Sawyer.” She steps out and offers a hand.

“General Astra In-Ze.” The handshake was a little tighter than comfortable, but Maggie didn’t let on.

The other woman steps forward. “Alex Danvers. I’ve heard your name before. Science division?”

Maggie nods. “I’ve heard of you too, but never had the pleasure of working with you.” She motions to the chairs. “But lets get this all sorted with your daughter before talking shop.”

Maggie takes her own seat and looks at Vega. “So, what happened?”

Vega looks at her mothers who nod before she starts to talk. “I was walking along the edge of the protest, handing out water bottles and checking to make sure everyone was ok. Everyone was starting to get restless and tired and the organizers were trying to keep everything under control. For the most part it was working, but some people were too fired up and did some dumb stuff and I saw a few guys getting arrested for disorderly conduct, nothing big though, but I went over to make sure everything was ok. There were a couple officers standing around the perimeter, just making sure no one interfered and I asked one what was happening. He told me the charges and I nodded and was about to move on when another officer came up behind me and said ‘But someone as sweet looking as you wouldn’t get arrested, would you honey.’” Vega’s eyes flared with contempt. “I turned and told him that I didn’t like being addressed like that and went to leave again but he grabbed my arm and told me I wasn’t allowed to leave until I was done talking to him. I turned to get help from the other officer but he had gotten involved with the arrests now and wasn’t watching, no one really was considering I wasn’t where the action was. I told him to let go of me and that if he wasn’t going to charge me with anything I was leaving.”

The table creaks under Astra’s fingers and Maggie wonders if they were going to have to get a new one after this interview. Wouldn’t be the first time.

“He let go and I turned around and then he grabbed my butt and I slapped his hand away. He called that assaulting an officer and then arrested me and here I am,” Vega finishes. Maggie swore there was a pink sheen over her iries. Well, that was definitely something to keep in mind, heat vision ran in the family. 

“Alright then, I’m going to go pull his camera uploads for the past few hours and I’ll set up your statement for you too. Do you want to press charges if the video comes back as useable?”

Vega nods. “He doesn’t need to be able to do this to anyone else.”

“Good, I’ll be back.”

Maggie gets everything in order. The idiot had caught everything that Vega had said had happened on his body cam. She damn well hoped that this idiot got fired. She knew of him and knew that he wasn’t good news. It would be a good thing for the force to get rid of him. 

A couple hours later Maggie shakes everyone’s hands again. “Sorry about all this, it shouldn’t happen, but.” She frowns.

“Not your fault,” Alex says as Astra and Vega nodded and walked out of the station. “There’s a few in every law enforcement operation. God knows we have our own. Thank you for not just booking her that would have not been a fun fight.”

“Something tells me, Danvers, you’re good in a fight.” Maggie smiles.

Alex shrugs. “Not as good as I used to be, but damn good still, Sawyer. You’ll find out if you’re ever on a case with me.”

“I think we’d make a good team. Very no nonsense.”

“Yup, sounds about right. I’ll buy you a few beers to thank you for all this, if you want.”

Maggie hasn’t been out with someone who understands just how crazy her job is in a while. She could use a friend like that honestly.

“Yeah, Danvers, you play pool?”

Alex smirks at that. “Oh, do I ever.”

“It’s on then. You have my number, whenever you’re free. Bring your wife if she can play pool and I’ll kick both of your asses.”

“Biting off more than you can chew, there aren’t you.”

“I know what I can handle.”

The next week Maggie gets assigned a case that Alex swoops in with her DEO tac gear and steals right out from under her. Maggie isn’t so pissed, especially when it means she gets to see a god awful amount of alien guns and gadgets that are straight out of a sci-fi movie. What must it be like to actually have resources? They close the case faster than she’s ever managed working for the force, and then come the beers and the pool. She kicks Alex’s ass, but doesn’t quite manage to beat Astra. Next case, though, she’ll beat Astra. Next case for sure.

Next part

[placetobenation]

July 24, 2017

From the Verizon Center in Washington D.C.

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Corey Graves, and Booker T

The show starts with a video package from last week where Braun Strowman ran down and interfered in the Roman Reigns vs. Samoa Joe #1 Contender Match for the Universal Title.

Kurt Angle comes down to the ring to kick off the live show. Cole reminds us how last week it was revealed that Jason Jordan is Angle’s son. Angle talks about how he revealed the fact Jordan was his son as it was consuming all of his time over the past few weeks and even interfered with his ability to work. Angle talks about trying to make up for last time and he will get an opportunity to wrestle tonight. He then addresses last week’s #1 Contender Match and has come to a decision on who Brock Lesnar will be facing but Strowman interrupts. Strowman tells Angle he better get that title shot “or else” as Strowman talks about not fearing Lesnar and even claims Lesnar fears him. Joe interrupts now and tells Strowman he does not fear anyone and says all Strowman did last week was save Reigns from losing to him for a third straight time. Joe then tells Angle he wants the title match but Reigns now interrupts. Reigns tells both men they have not done anything here was Reigns puts over how in five years he’s been Tag Team Champion, U.S. Champion, World Champion, Royal Rumble Winner, and has main evented three straight WrestleManias. He then motions towards both men but Angle stops him and says he has changed his mind again because at SummerSlam, it will be Samoa Joe vs. Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman vs. Brock Lesnar for the Universal Title at SummerSlam. He leaves as Joe yells about wanting Lesnar 1 vs. 1 while Strowman only cares about “piling bodies” but Reigns tells Strowman to shut up and uppercuts him. They all brawl with Reigns & Joe gaining up on Strowman. They head outside and dump Strowman over the barricade then Joe cheap shots Reigns and they brawl in the ring. Strowman comes back in as Angle yells for security to come out but Strowman tosses them all out. Joe puts Strowman in the clutch then the locker room empties to separate them. Reigns spears Strowman as Joe had him in the clutch then Reigns clears the ring but Strowman gets up and attacks Reigns before hitting a powerslam.

The promo was alright and the Fatal Four Way announcement was not a surprise. However, the brawl was fantastic and all three men looked like threats who are worthy enough for a title match. 

  Elias Samson is in the but the crowd starts a “we want Balor” chant. Samson dedicates the song to Balor but is cut off shortly after he begins.

  No Disqualification Match: Elias Samson vs. Finn Balor

Balor tosses his jacket at Samson then hammers away. He takes Samson out with a baseball slide then rolls him inside. Samson rolls out where Balor hits him from behind with a flying forearm as we go to break. The action returns with Samson targeting the injured shoulder of Balor. He does that for a while but Balor fights back. Balor heads outside and grabs a chair but Samson boots him in the gut. Samson whacks Balor in the shoulder with the chair as we head to another break. The match returns with both men going back-and-forth. Samson targets the shoulder again then gets a nearfall with a shoulderbreaker. He grabs a chair and sets it up in the corner and tries an Irish whip but it gets reversed as Samson’s head slams off of the chair. Balor hits an upkick then fights back with his good arm. He trap Samson between the ring apron then stomps away. He then drives Samson into the barricade with a shotgun dropkick before grabbing a chair. He targets Samson’s back then climbs up top and hits the Coup De Grace but the lights go off and it returns with Wyatt in the ring as he hits Balor with the Sister Abigail then watches in the corner until Samson drapes his arm over Balor for the win (18:27) **1/4. After the match, Wyatt stalks Balor then lays over him.

Thoughts: Really underwhelming for a DQ match. I guess they gave these two this stipulation in order to protect Samson and move Balor into a feud with Wyatt, whose act remains ice cold. I have no idea what they do with Samson now but it appears they think enough of him to not get buried so a midcard feud seems in the works.

  Clips from last week where Angle revealed that Jordan was his son and there interview that aired on the WWE Network immediately after RAW went off the air.

  Renee Young is with Angle and asks about Jordan wrestling Curt Hawkins tonight. Angle thinks he will be a successful singles competitor and has butterflies in his stomach. Emma interrupts and asks when is it going to be her turn as she does not get opportunities. She then suggests dating Jordan so Angle then tells Emma she will get an opportunity tonight against Nia Jax.

  Big Show asks Enzo Amore if he really wants to fight with Big Cass tonight. Enzo claims to have a plan but then acts nervous and says he just has to go out and do this.

  Enzo comes out to the ring. He tells us about having a tank full of “passion” and the crowd is the key that starts his engine. Enzo then says he is not a pit stop and

  Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass

Enzo dropkicks Cass’s knee then jumps on his back but Cass shoves him off. Cass tosses Enzo across the ring but Enzo fights back. Cass breaks up a sleeper then catches Enzo with a slam. He beats on Enzo in the corner then stomps a mudhole before getting the win with a big boot (3:38) 1/2*. After the match, Cass inflicts more punishment until Big Show runs out for the save.  Cass then holds up Enzo and promises to snap his neck if he steps inside. Show steps in so Cass shoves Enzo at him then hits a big boot on Show and beats on him for a while.

Thoughts: Not much different than their match at Great Balls of Fire. The post-match beatdown took a really long time but Cass did get some heat out of the deal as the next step appears to be a match against Big Show, who will likely have Enzo in his corner.

  Renee is backstage with Alexa Bliss. She asks her about who she would rather face: Sasha Banks or Bayley. Alexa does not care as she is too happy over the fact their friendship can be destroyed.

  Emma vs. Nia Jax

Emma avoids Nia then lands a cheap shot. Nia comes back and runs Emma over but Emma gets pissed and hits a pair of dropkicks. Nia then tosses Emma across the ring and hits an avalanche before getting the with with a flipping senton (1:24).

Thoughts: Nia dominated Emma here and showed off a new finishing move, which looked impressive. I don’t know where they go from here with Emma or if she actually does try to play mind games with Angle and Jordan but she is floundering at the moment.

  Charly Caruso is backstage with Akira Tozawa. His shoulder his all bandaged up as we are shown clips from last week where Ariya Daivari attacked his shoulder. Titus comes in to tell Tozawa he is here for his health and went to both Angle and the medical staff to cancel his match tonight against Daivari. Tozawa is pissed and says he is going to the ring now and heads out, saying he is fine with Titus trailing behind trying to stop him. They are in the ring now where Tozawa slaps Titus and says not to touch him as we go to break. We return with Tozawa telling Daivari to come out and face him now. However, Neville comes out instead. Neville mocks Tozawa, who wants to fight, but Neville tells Tozawa that the false promises from Titus have gotten him nowhere. Neville mocks Tozawa for being a joke but Tozawa knocks him down then climbs up top and hits a senton. Tozawa grabs his shoulder but Daivari runs in to attack him. Daivari then yells at Neville and takes him down before motioning that he will be the next champion.

I liked the confrontation between Neville and Tozawa but this did not appear to get over with the crowd. I also do not know about shoehorning Daivari into this angle as he does not stand out in any way I can think of but hopefully it does not interfere too much with this feud. 

  Bayley and Sasha are backstage. Sasha is backstage and upset what that “troll” Alexa said about her and that nothing can hurt their friendship. They then promise to tear the house down with Sasha saying the best woman will win their match tonight.

  We are shown Angle making the Fatal Four Way Universal Title match for SummerSlam that took place earlier tonight.

  Renee is with Jordan and asks him about his first match on RAW. He talks about being nervous and how everyone will be watching him before saying he is focused on winning the match.

  We see Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins backstage. Rollins wants to come up with a game plan but Ambrose still does not trust him. Rollins says they have to worry about three men tonight. However, Ambrose says he has to worry about four men as he continues to distrust his former partner. Good finishing line from Ambrose as he continues to not trust his former partner.

  Women’s Championship #1 Contender’s Match: Bayley vs. Sasha Banks

Alexa comes out to join on commentary. The match starts with both mixing it up. Bayley avoids a dropkick and gets two with a rollup. They trade arm drags then Bayley works a front facelock. Sasha escapes but runs into a backdrop as Bayley gets two. Bayley heads up to but Sasha cuts her off as Bayley falls out to the floor just before commercial. We return with Sasha working a stranglehold. Sasha then tosses Bayley into the corner but Bayley fights back. Sasha sends Bayley into the corner and hits a double knee smash then puts on the Banks Statement. Bayley almost reaches the ropes but Sasha takes her to the middle of the ring. Bayley fights out of a chinlock then they trade slaps before hammering away. Sasha wins that battle then heads up top but Bayley ducks an attack then they trade Shining Wizards with both women down. They both get up and slug it out until they knock each other down again. Bayley runs into a knee smash then Sasha heads up top as we get a dueling chant from the crowd Bayley cuts off Sasha. They fight up top where Sasha dumps Bayley then hits a frog splash but Bayley rolls through and gets the win (12:13) ***1/4. After the match, Alexa heads into the ring and taunts Bayley with the belt.

Thoughts: Good, hard-fought match as Bayley gets another win and will once again face Alexa for the Women’s Title.  Hopefully, the match at SummerSlam is better than what we saw earlier this year.

  Renee is with Curt Hawkins, who is sick about hearing of Jason Jordan. He plans on ruining his RAW debut and smacking him right in the mouth.

  Curt Hawkins vs. Jason Jordan

Hawkins slaps Jordan across the face before the bell. Jordan takes Hawkins down when the match begins then hammers away. He gets two with a Saito suplex as a happy Angle watches backstage. Hawkins fights back and yells at Jordan, who fires up then runs wild. Jordan lowers his straps and hits a spear in the corner before putting Hawkins away with a lifting neckbreaker (1:43).

Thoughts: Jordan showed great fire in the ring here and he needs to as his mic work is lacking. My only compliant is his finisher. It’s clunky and will be difficult to do against larger opponents. Hawkins remains a fine enhancement talent.

  Tomorrow night on 205 Live we will see Rich Swann & Cedric Alexander vs. TJP & Tony Nese and Neville vs. Ariya Daivari

  Charly Caruso is in the ring and welcomes out The Revival. Dawson tells Charly she is great at her job but they are professionals and can handle things themselves as they ask her to leave. Dash talks about dominating NXT and showing they are the greatest tag team today. Dawson brags about how they sent New Day packing to Smackdown and beat the Hardy Boyz then put themselves over some more but Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson interrupt. They talk about Washington D.C. being a “good brother town” and how they beat up the New Day and Hardy Boyz before them then laugh over The Revival thinking they are top guys and calls them nerds. Gallows & Anderson came off as babyfaces here but have not officially turned on TV while The Revival did okay on the mic but there best work is in the ring.

  The Revival vs. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson

Dawson and Anderson fight over a lockup. Anderson slaps Dawson after getting shoved but The Revival are able to trap Anderson in their corner. Anderson fights back and tags out as we see Sheamus & Cesaro watching the match backstage on a monitor. The Revival beat on Gallows for a but but Gallows fight back then The Revival get dumped outside as we head to break. The action returns with Dawson working the arm of Anderson. Dash tags in but runs into a kick the Gallows tags and runs wild. Dash breaks up a Boot of Doom attempt then Dawson chop blocks Gallows but the Hardy Boyz come out on the ramp. Gallows & Anderson are distracted and that allows The Revival to hit Anderson with the Shatter Machine for the win (8:35) **. After the match, the Hardy Boyz run out and beat on The Revival.

Thoughts: Really an average TV match with almost half of it taking place during the commercial break. The next step now is a feud between Revival and Hardy Boyz but with Cesaro & Sheamus watching the match backstage it could signal a multi-team title match for SummerSlam.

  The Miz is in the locker room as he gives his Miztourage a pep talk while referring to Ambrose & Rollins as a “Box Office Bomb” waiting to happen.

  Next week, Jason Jordan is the guest on “Miz TV.” Also, Reigns vs. Strowman vs. Joe.

  Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins vs. Miz w/ Maryse & The Miztourage

Miz immediately tags out to avoid Ambrose as Axel gets beat down. Rollins tags himself in and beats on Axel for a bit as we once again see Sheamus & Cesaro watching from backstage. Dallas is in as Rollins works him over too. Bo comes back with a tackle then tags out as Miz targets the back of Rollins then works a chinlock. Rollins escapes then tags out but Miz rolls outside. Ambrose chases Miz around then fights off an attack by Axel. Rollins tags as he and Ambrose work together to clear the ring before the break. The match returns with Dallas hitting Rollins with a back suplex. Miz tags in and once again targets the back while taunting Ambrose. Rollins remains in trouble but eventually makes it to his corner and tags out as Ambrose runs wild. Rollins is shoved outside as the Miztourage are alone with Ambrose, who fights off a double-team move. However, Miz makes a blind tag and hits the Skull Crushing Finale but Rollins makes the save. The heels are all on the outside then Rollins & Ambrose fly out with topes. Back inside, Rollins hits Miz with a springboard knee smash then Ambrose hits the Dirty Deeds for the win (17:21) **3/4. After the match, Rollins offers a fist bump but Ambrose bails and celebrates by himself on the ramp.

Thoughts: This got a lot better in the second half. Ambrose & Rollins were able to get on the same page and even did some nice double-team stuff but the story remains Ambrose unable to trust Rollins, who is doing everything to show he has changed.

  Final Thoughts: The opening segment was effective and set up for next week’s main event. Plus, there were a couple of good matches. However, the rest of the show mostly fell flat. They still have a few more weeks until SummerSlam to build up and announce other matches but this was not the most inspired start.

[heartsofstrangers]

What has been one of the most challenging things that you’ve experienced or are currently experiencing?

“I’ve had time to put a lot of thought to that—watching your children struggle, and not being able to do anything to make a difference for them. That, I feel strongly, is hard for me.”

What does that look like for you?

“Learning to let go in a deeper way, in a bigger way, and having faith, and really counting on that. The support of friends when you feel like you have to put your hands on something and fix it, when you know you can’t, and the more you try, the less it works.

“It looks like a struggle sometimes, and it looks like a deeper walk and trust. It’s so much easier to do it for yourself than it is to do for someone you love, whom you think you have the answers for, answers that would be helpful to them, but they’re not in a place where they can hear that. They have to go through it themselves anyway, but your children are the last people you want to see hurting. A parent does everything they can do to prevent that.”

How have you navigated or moved through that? Were there times when you were trying to lead the way, or trying to prevent maybe a step or a misstep from happening and got blamed or pushed away or…?

“Well, obnoxiously sometimes, yeah. Interfering, tears, walls, and then a realization that growth—so, everything, and then there are lessons in the hard times, right? So that’s probably my hardest—I mean, all the struggles that I’ve gone through personally—it’s just different than watching somebody else struggle and you can’t—and especially if you’ve gone through personal struggles, and you think you know how to help someone else, and you can’t. You still can’t. It’s a bigger, ‘You can’t.’”

How do you let go of that?

“I don’t know. Tell me! One step at a time. Faith, for me, prayer, touching base with somebody who can be more realistic about it and surround me in wisdom and grace, sometimes well, sometimes not so well. I think the biggest lesson for me was just to let go and have faith and pray.”

Has going through your own hardships and struggles prepared you in any way to have compassion or be more forgiving or to recognize the signs when someone is struggling or they may need help or action needs to be taken?

“So, my thought in that, Corey, is that there would need to be somebody else to answer that about me than for me to answer that about myself. I hope so. But you know, when you see somebody standing in front of a truck, you just want to put yourself in front of that truck, and there’s a law that holds you back—I think I’ve tried to stand in front of the truck a lot, and that doesn’t help. I don’t know—I don’t think that has to do with being compassionate or not compassionate. Yes, I’d hope that my life’s lessons have helped me be more understanding. I don’t feel I judge. I don’t think that’s anywhere in there. It’s just a helplessness when you try to help somebody whom you can’t help.”

Have there ever been people in your life that have seen you standing in front of a truck at some point, and tried to get in the way?

“Yes, my pastor. We did a group at the church, a marriage group, and as a result, the associate pastor—he was an older man—he did counseling, and he did some counseling for us, and then he also knew that I was going through some things, and he offered to help me go through that, and I never took him up on it. He even came to my work and confronted me, and said, ‘Are you ready yet?’ And I was not. So yes. Thank you for that. You’re right. But I did get the help. I did. I just got it from a different source.”

What prevented you from accepting his help when he offered it?

“What were my excuses?”

Yeah.

“Well, you know, there were probably lots of them, but it was probably fear. That’s usually the thing that holds you back—or has held me back from doing things. It’s being afraid of whatever. I don’t remember quite what that fear was—fear of judgment or . . . I’m not sure.”

How did you end up opening yourself up to the help you needed or the support you needed eventually? What did that look like?

“When you’re in enough pain, you do anything you can to reach out for help, but that’s a hard lesson. When you see someone else go through something, you’re thinking, ‘Okay, your pain threshold, it should be now, right?’ So you want that pain threshold to be a lot higher.”

Has your experience been that everyone’s pain threshold may be a little bit different, and that some people can tolerate much more pain before they hit the surrender button?

“Yes, people manage their pains differently. Some people never do. They just manage it. Stay in it. Yeah, yeah. When you love somebody, it’s like—it’s hard.”

If you feel comfortable sharing it, what are some of the things that you’re seeing your children struggle with?

“I’m not wanting to share that.”

Okay. So when you confronted whatever your struggle was at the time, and you accepted the help that was being offered, how did you move through that discomfort?

“Different ways at different times, because it comes in waves at times. I read books, I did counseling, I’ve created friendships, sharing—sharing is a big way to heal, because you shed light on things. When you keep things in the dark, they fester, and they just keep festering, so when you bring that out and you share—when I’ve shared, the realization is that you’re not alone, and that, in time, it heals. In time, it feels good. In time, new things that occur in your life may cause pain, and because you’ve gone through the other things, there’s just a sense of peace. I handle things much differently. It’s having tools.”

You mentioned sharing and the support of others. Did sharing your experience and what you were dealing with build a bridge between you and someone else? Did that allow for connection?

“A lot of times, yeah. But not all the time. Depends on who it is. You have to be open. It’s like—how did someone share it with me once? There’s a frame; everybody has their frame. So you have a frame, and I have a frame. I was thinking, and so I have to go—I guess those frames have to cross, and the person has to be willing. It’s like, you don’t give somebody advice unless they’re asking for it, and then you still tread lightly. That’s a hard lesson, because we want to fix things, right?”

What have you found to be one of the most useful tools in your healing process?

“Personally?”

Yeah.

“It’s a combination of things. Finding your core center, centering whatever that is. For me, that’s faith. Through healing different things in my life, I have to say that I can go up and down, but I always kind of come back to a deepening of faith and trust.”

I’m assuming it takes a fair amount of courage to even acknowledge that there are wounds to begin with, and then to begin to take action, to address them, and begin the healing process. Is that true for you? Was there fear? Was there denial? Was there courage? Was there strength in beginning that process? I think a lot of us spend a lot of time trying to find ways to get around what makes us uncomfortable, to jump over it or skip past it, and it ends up rearing its head again and again in our lives.

“Yeah, I’ve had things come back around. You think you’ve dealt with it, and then you find out it’s back around. It’s like, okay, I thought I handled this, I thought I knew this. I think it’s a process. I don’t think there’s one answer to that. It just depends on what it is. Sometimes you’re forced into things.

“There’s a saying: There’s a breeze that comes by, and it’s trying to guide you in a certain direction, and then there’s a gust of wind, and then there’s a tree that’s knocked down, maybe, or another issue. So, for me, sometimes it’s a breeze and I get it; a lot of times it’s a full-out tornado—yeah, it’s the whole storm—before I realize that I need to do something, that there’s pain there, or there’s something that needs changing. So it depends on what it is. It just depends on how thick your mask is, how thick your denial is, you know? And it also depends on if you want to deal with it or not. A lot of times, if you don’t want to deal with the situation, you stay in it, or you maneuver it, or you try to control it before you look inside and make changes within yourself.”

How important do you think it is to take that time to reflect and to look inside?

“Yeah, daily. So if you do that, if you start your day out that way, your days flow better. One hundred percent.”

What are some ways that you check in with yourself daily and take inventory?

“You mean when I do that?”

Yeah.

“When I take my dog Lasko for a walk, that’s a good check-in, because I walk down a little canal. That’s when I talk out loud. I read scripture. I do little quotes; that’s a helpful thing for me, to share those. I talk with friends. I pray. I’m not a big journalist; I have written a few times—I’ve journaled. Meditation, and prayer meditation, which go hand in hand. Yoga. Exercise. Empathy. Just trying to be the best person I can and live from a heart of empathy and compassion. That helps. Classes to learn how to do that.”

What are some of the ways that you practice compassion or empathy in your life?

“Well, my job. I hope I do that as a social worker. I hope I do that with my friends and family. Sometimes, it’s being still and listening, but it’s a practice. I’m trying to listen and not be heard. Being heard is important, but—I don’t know how to explain that—not when somebody else is trying to be heard.”

How important do you think it is to listen? I’m sure as a social worker, you listen to people and see some sort of result of that.

“Very. It’s not just listening; it’s hearing.”

What’s the difference between listening and hearing?

“Sometimes you can listen, and you can hear the words, but not—that’s a good question. How do I put that? Listening with an open heart is not listening with an idea of how you’re going to provide a solution. It’s just being present; hearing is—or maybe that’s the difference. I’ll have to look the definition up, but the idea, for me, is to be present. True hearing is when there’s a connection in it, and that—that takes practice.”

That makes a lot of sense. I see a lot of times in conversations that people are anxious to respond and reply, and that’s what their interest in the conversation is: what they’re going to say next, which may be part of the difference between listening and hearing. I feel like, if you’re waiting for a chance to respond, you’re not being present. You’re already on to the next step where the person has finished talking and you’re speaking, so you’re not really absorbing.

“Exactly. Well said.”

What sort of tools or gifts or advice would you offer to someone who’s reading this, and it’s apparent they’re trying to deal with watching their child, whether it’s an adolescent or adult child, struggle with different issues, or maybe they’re facing struggles in their own personal life that they’re trying to navigate through, or that they haven’t even acknowledged yet, but what sort of wisdom would you want to share?

“Get support. Get support. Yeah.”

What are some ways that someone could find the support that they need? I imagine, from my own personal experience, it was daunting to even reach out and acknowledge that I needed help, and I think many people struggle with that. I think we feel that we have to be self-sufficient, all-knowing, perfect, capable of repairing ourselves whenever we have some sort of malfunction or breakdown. It can be hard to take that first step to acknowledge that we can’t do it alone. What are some ways that people could reach out for the support or help they need?

“Ask me that again, Corey.”

Reaching out for help can be daunting, and sometimes it takes a lot of humility and maybe swallowing some of our pride or ego, thinking that we can do everything alone. For myself, my own personal experience, I was afraid that asking for help or support would put me in a place of being judged weak or incapable, and I would bet that there are many other people who struggle with that as well. There is still a stigma today centered around mental health, and it can be challenging for people to reach out and ask for the help they need. Coming from a social worker, what are some ways that you would encourage people to start taking those steps to receive the help and support they need?

“To start with, maybe one person that they trust. Start there. And then there are supports, depending on what issue you’re dealing with. There are all kinds of groups and supports, and maybe that’s not suitable—my support system is going to be different from somebody else’s support system. Whatever works for you. Sometimes it takes courage to cross that place, to ask for help, but it’s worth it. It’s worth it, because—I don’t know who says it—we’re not islands. We don’t live isolated. We need each other.”

You mentioned, in the beginning of your answer, trust being an important part of reaching out. Why is that important?

“Well, because sometimes maybe you feel like you’re falling, and you need somebody to catch you. You need to trust that they’re going to be there to catch you. I think sometimes that trust is really more about trusting that it’s going to be okay, and that’s what hope is. That’s what faith is. That’s where I get my sense of peace, to be able to start again.”

Is it fair to say that, in life, we’re given opportunities to start over again and again?

“Yes! Yes. Yes. Which is so nice, because it isn’t final. You can screw up and screw up and screw up and screw up, and there’s always another day. Well, maybe there’s not always another day, but there is a plethora of opportunities. It’s not final.”

I tend to think that part of our suffering as human beings stems from thinking that things are final, that when we make a decision or when we get to a certain place that—all right!—we’re here, and now everything’s going to stay the way it is—and of course that’s not how life works. It’s this constant cycle of peaks and valleys, and I think that causes a lot of issues for many of us—we get to that good place and we want to stay there. Something changes, and you start to come down the mountain, and it’s not as pleasant.

“Yeah. Because that’s life. It goes up and down. Some days are going to be good, or some years are going to be awesome, and then the next year, everything’s going to tumble in, and that’s where trust comes in, that peace and that faith and that trust. That’s fine. I’ve done it before. I’ll do it again, with whatever; it might not be the same, or look the same.”

Has going through challenges and struggles and periods of doubt or uncertainty provided you with any useful skills or tools, or maybe prepared you for whatever the next cycle or chapter was in your life?

“I hope so, yeah. I feel—yeah. That’s probably life’s progression. As we go, we’re at different stages. When we’re in our teens, of course we’re growing, and then you hit your twenties, and that’s a different stage. Then you hit your thirties, and that’s a whole different ballgame, and then forties and fifties, and as we get older, hopefully, from our life experiences, we’ve experienced that we get through things, and that we know that this too shall pass. It’ll be okay.

“I think you just kind of know more what’s important, and those are relationships and moments. Grabbing those moments and cherishing those moments when they come. I don’t know that I had that in my twenties, or even my thirties, or maybe even my forties. Since I’m in my fifties, maybe I have it. I don’t know. Do you do interviews with people who are older?

I do.

“And what do you come away with on those?”

I think you touched upon it: that life is in the present moment, and that the relationships we cultivate in our lives are the important things. That we spend a lot of time getting caught up with superficial things that really don’t matter in the end. If we don’t cultivate the relationships in our lives and engage with the present moment, then we end up getting to the end of our lives and regretting a lot and missing out and maybe finding ourselves in a place of loneliness or disconnection because we haven’t invested our time. We’ve maybe invested our money, but we haven’t invested our time in things that are really valuable. That’s something I’ve gotten out of it, and I think what people share with me in the interviews, these struggles and hardships that they’ve been through, is: These are the breezes, these are the winds, these are the hurricanes or tornadoes that sort of shake us awake to really acknowledge that there are all types of weather. We can get through it, and what’s important is to keep building every time a storm damages our structure or shelter, to continue to rebuild. Somewhere in that storm, there’s some sort of debris or tool or something that we’re left with that’s useful, and that’s what I’ve been uncovering in a lot of the interviews. People have experienced more of life, and the trials and tribulations. That’s what I’ve uncovered.

“Does it matter in age?”

It really doesn’t. It’s really about experiences. And I think it takes those moments to shake us loose, make us aware of the present moment and the gifts and the value of the people in our lives, and our connectedness to each other and to our environment.

“Yeah. When you were saying that—that’s what support is.”

Thank you for asking.

“You’re welcome. Thank you for answering.”

So, to finish up here, I’d like to ask you if you have a favorite quote. You mentioned that you like to post quotes, and that you also read scripture, so I wanted to ask if you have a favorite quote or passage, something you’d like to share, something that resonates with you.

“There’s one—I did a memory verse, but I can’t remember. That’s funny. But it’s in the sense that I’m here. I’m here for you, and we can do this. Have a courageous heart and walk forward; I’m here for you. And so I hold onto that.

“I think of Maya Angelou. ‘I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’”

What does that mean to you?

“Oh, to be kind. Kindness matters. It does. At all times. Even when you may be in disagreement, you can still be kind. Just because you disagree doesn’t mean there’s a reason to be unkind. Warmth. To be warm. To be good in your own skin. That takes time. Some people have it right away. Children have it right away, don’t they?”

They do. Why do you think children have that right away, and adults seem to lose sight of that or lose touch with it?

“Culture. Different cultures have different lessons to teach, and it’s probably because of survival. I don’t think when we pass on things to our children, it certainly isn’t because we want to harm them—it’s because we want to protect them—but sometimes it’s harmful. Culture. The world. It is what it is. I guess that’s a quote. ‘It is what it is.’ A coworker used to share that with me.”

What does that mean to you, “It is what it is”?

“Good question! What does it mean to me? Things are going to be whatever they are; you just do the best with it. I guess it’s the same as letting go. It’s the same. I don’t think it can be like you’re blowing something off, like, it is what it is—I’m not going to do anything to change that. It could be, but I don’t necessarily see it that way. More like letting go.”

As I’m listening to you, my understanding of that phrase is that we don’t necessarily have control over what happens to us, but we do have control over how we react to it. I know some things are out of our control—a lot of things are out of our control—but the one thing we do have control over is what we tell ourselves about it and how we’re going to respond to it.

“Or not respond to it.”

Or not respond to it, exactly. How do you distinguish, when presented with an opportunity to react or respond to something, whether to accept it and take it on as your own, or to say to yourself, “Maybe this is not mine, and I don’t want this or I don’t need this”?

“I think that’s a daily thing, or maybe it’s just a place that you come to. Maybe over and over again. I think, for myself, that I could be in that place more often than I’m not in that place.”

Seems like that would require taking inventory, which you mentioned that you do daily, and then you have practices, also being comfortable in your skin. Would you say that’s true?

“Yeah. The more comfortable you are in the person that you are—I guess that’s self-love, you love yourself—and that’s not a selfish, you know, ‘I’m great!’ But we are great. We’re great in our gift, we’re great in our light, and to be comfortable in that—oh, Mandela, is to hide your light. Do you know what I’m talking about? Pretty much: Don’t hide your light. It’s biblical, too. Don’t hide your light under a bushel. Let it shine. We used to sing that: ‘Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.’ It’s important that we shine our light, and there’s no shame in that. It’s not conceit; it’s a gift we have for each other, our light.”

Sounds like self-love, and recognizing that and sharing it, is honoring it, honoring the gift.

“Yeah. Yes. Well said.”

How has it felt to talk about these experiences and thoughts and feelings with me?

“Uncomfortable.”

Why?

“Because you’re tape-recording me. I feel a little nervous, I guess.”

Why does it make you feel uncomfortable to have a tape recorder between us?

“Because—I’m not sure. I don’t know. That’s a good question. I guess because I know that it’s not just between you and me, that it might be between someone else as well. Maybe I do feel a little cautious about judgment, or maybe—exposed. I feel a little exposed.”

That’s vulnerability, right?

“Yeah.”

Do you think that it’s possible that by allowing yourself to be vulnerable and exposing yourself in an authentic way, you could be allowing someone else who’s reading this to connect to what you’re saying, and connect to your experience in a meaningful way that may bring them some hope, inspiration, or courage to continue to move forward on their own path, wherever they happen to be?

“I hope so, yeah. Sure. For some, and for others, maybe not. It just depends on what resonates, right? Has it for you?”

Yeah. Yeah. I find, in every interview I do, that there are many golden nuggets within what is shared with me, and even though the person may not be aware that that’s happening as they’re opening up and peeling away some layers of what they’re experiencing or feeling, that’s transforming me as someone who’s hearing and being present with them and going into those dark places and shining light on them. It changes me. It expands me. It opens me up, keeps me present, keeps me operating from a place of compassion and empathy, and not judgment, and acting from love, and seeing the connection between every person that I encounter and connect with in this way. I’ve seen that it has the same effect on people who just read these interviews; they’re able to extract valuable golden nuggets from someone else’s experiences that they can relate to, or that may be the message that they needed to hear from the universe at that moment that they happened to come across the story, and they’re able to absorb it.

“And that’s a good thing. You’re right.”

It is a good thing.

“Yeah. Because you don’t know who it is, and what they’re needing at the moment that they’re needing it.

[lbcybersecurity]

NSA Document Outlining Russian Attempts to Hack Voter Rolls

This week brought new public evidence about Russian interference in the 2016 election. On Monday, the Intercept published a top-secret National Security Agency document describing Russian hacking attempts against the US election system. While the attacks seem more exploratory than operational ­-- and there's no evidence that they had any actual effect ­-- they further illustrate the real threats and vulnerabilities facing our elections, and they point to solutions.

The document describes how the GRU, Russia's military intelligence agency, attacked a company called VR Systems that, according to its website, provides software to manage voter rolls in eight states. The August 2016 attack was successful, and the attackers used the information they stole from the company's network to launch targeted attacks against 122 local election officials on October 27, 12 days before the election.

That is where the NSA's analysis ends. We don't know whether those 122 targeted attacks were successful, or what their effects were if so. We don't know whether other election software companies besides VR Systems were targeted, or what the GRU's overall plan was -- if it had one. Certainly, there are ways to disrupt voting by interfering with the voter registration process or voter rolls. But there was no indication on Election Day that people found their names removed from the system, or their address changed, or anything else that would have had an effect -- anywhere in the country, let alone in the eight states where VR Systems is deployed. (There were Election Day problems with the voting rolls in Durham, NC ­-- one of the states that VR Systems supports ­-- but they seem like conventional errors and not malicious action.)

And 12 days before the election (with early voting already well underway in many jurisdictions) seems far too late to start an operation like that. That is why these attacks feel exploratory to me, rather than part of an operational attack. The Russians were seeing how far they could get, and keeping those accesses in their pocket for potential future use.

Presumably, this document was intended for the Justice Department, including the FBI, which would be the proper agency to continue looking into these hacks. We don't know what happened next, if anything. VR Systems isn't commenting, and the names of the local election officials targeted did not appear in the NSA document.

So while this document isn't much of a smoking gun, it's yet more evidence of widespread Russian attempts to interfere last year.

The document was, allegedly, sent to the Intercept anonymously. An NSA contractor, Reality Leigh Winner, was arrested Saturday and charged with mishandling classified information. The speed with which the government identified her serves as a caution to anyone wanting to leak official US secrets.

The Intercept sent a scan of the document to another source during its reporting. That scan showed a crease in the original document, which implied that someone had printed the document and then carried it out of some secure location. The second source, according to the FBI's affidavit against Winner, passed it on to the NSA. From there, NSA investigators were able to look at their records and determine that only six people had printed out the document. (The government may also have been able to track the printout through secret dots that identified the printer.) Winner was the only one of those six who had been in e-mail contact with the Intercept. It is unclear whether the e-mail evidence was from Winner's NSA account or her personal account, but in either case, it's incredibly sloppy tradecraft.

With President Trump's election, the issue of Russian interference in last year's campaign has become highly politicized. Reports like the one from the Office of the Director of National Intelligence in January have been criticized by partisan supporters of the White House. It's interesting that this document was reported by the Intercept, which has been historically skeptical about claims of Russian interference. (I was quoted in their story, and they showed me a copy of the NSA document before it was published.) The leaker was even praised by WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, who up until now has been traditionally critical of allegations of Russian election interference.

This demonstrates the power of source documents. It's easy to discount a Justice Department official or a summary report. A detailed NSA document is much more convincing. Right now, there's a federal suit to force the ODNI to release the entire January report, not just the unclassified summary. These efforts are vital.

This hack will certainly come up at the Senate hearing where former FBI director James B. Comey is scheduled to testify Thursday. Last year, there were several stories about voter databases being targeted by Russia. Last August, the FBI confirmed that the Russians successfully hacked voter databases in Illinois and Arizona. And a month later, an unnamed Department of Homeland Security official said that the Russians targeted voter databases in 20 states. Again, we don't know of anything that came of these hacks, but expect Comey to be asked about them. Unfortunately, any details he does know are almost certainly classified, and won't be revealed in open testimony.

But more important than any of this, we need to better secure our election systems going forward. We have significant vulnerabilities in our voting machines, our voter rolls and registration process, and the vote tabulation systems after the polls close. In January, DHS designated our voting systems as critical national infrastructure, but so far that has been entirely for show. In the United States, we don't have a single integrated election. We have 50-plus individual elections, each with its own rules and its own regulatory authorities. Federal standards that mandate voter-verified paper ballots and post-election auditing would go a long way to secure our voting system. These attacks demonstrate that we need to secure the voter rolls, as well.

Democratic elections serve two purposes. The first is to elect the winner. But the second is to convince the loser. After the votes are all counted, everyone needs to trust that the election was fair and the results accurate. Attacks against our election system, even if they are ultimately ineffective, undermine that trust and ­-- by extension ­-- our democracy. Yes, fixing this will be expensive. Yes, it will require federal action in what's historically been state-run systems. But as a country, we have no other option.

This essay previously appeared in the Washington Post.

from NSA Document Outlining Russian Attempts to Hack Voter Rolls