#which included saltine crackers

[mistressemmedi]

The biggest conspiracy theory that I actually believe in is that they do put something in saltine crackers that makes the brain go brrrr because I feel like a cocaine addicted rat as I demolish sleeve after sleeve of them

[etraytin]

Emergency Preparedness On A Budget

Hey all, just a reminder that even though many of us are looking at a warmer-than-average winter this year, warm on average does not mean we won't see winter storms! In fact, warm winters can produce some really unusual weather patterns that are even more likely to produce severe storms. The best time to prepare for a winter storm, or any other natural disaster, is well before it happens, ie, right now.

"But wait," you might say, "the economy is stupid and everything is expensive! I'm afraid my survival bunker is just going to have to wait until my lottery numbers come up, which will take awhile because I also can't afford to play the lottery." First off, good job not playing the lottery, and second, preparing for a disaster does not have to be expensive. In fact, if you start early enough, disaster preparedness can be done a few dollars at a time without much of anything in the way of special supplies.

In order to not make a single post that is a billion lines long, I am dividing my advice into a few different posts and will link them together when I am done. The links will be right here: Part 2: Medicine and Power

Food and Water Preparedness

FIrst and most important: food and water. The motto of disaster preparedness is "The first 72 is on you." In a major disaster situation, if the situation has not resolved itself within three days, that's about the amount of time it takes for outside help to get itself organized and start arriving in a meaningful way to a disaster area. Objectively three days is a pretty short period of time, subjectively it is a small eternity if you are not prepared.

Preppers (people who do disaster preparedness as a hobby, to greater and lesser levels of unhingedness) spend a lot of time discussing the best types of food and water prep for long-term storage and/or end of the world scenarios. We are not going to do that. We want cheap, easy, effective preparations that we can ideally do while grocery shopping in a Walmart. The easiest, simplest and cheapest way to do your food prep is this: Buy one or two canned, jarred or tetrapacked (that waxed cardboard box pack) meal items every time you can afford it, then set them aside. Find a little space in a closet, a cupboard, a shelf, whatever, and just keep those foods there until you have three days worth for everyone in your household, including the pets.

"Fine," you might say as you look skeptically at the back of your cupboards, "but that doesn't seem very specific. There are a lot of canned goods out there!" And that is fair! The basic rule of thumb is "Buy something you will eat, ideally without heating it up if necessary, that doesn't require much prep or cleaning." For example, my family is two adults and one adolescent, none of us with major food allergens or aversions. If I were trying for a 72-hour food prep for us on the cheap with no cooking available I'd probably go with six cans of chunky soup, which I get for a dollar each on sale, three small jars of applesauce (smaller jars are better if you have no way to cool food), a box of saltine crackers, three cans of tuna, and a big box of granola bars if I could keep them out of reach of the kiddo long enough.

It's not fancy and it may not provide great long-term nutrition, but it's enough food to keep us alive for three days in a form that will hold in storage for 1-2 years without needing to rotate. Even on a very tight budget you can probably accumulate this much food in a pretty reasonable amount of time (and a lot of it is the sort of thing you might get from a food bank anyway!) For pet food, pack up three days worth of your pet's food, ideally in a glass jar but any sealed container will do, and add any cans of wet food they'd get as well.

Water is another big prepping topic that we're going to go easy-peasy on. You need, at minimum, a gallon of clean water per person per day, plus extra for cleaning and washing. Water is annoying to store and takes a lot of room, so for a quickie 3-day prep, minimizing water use is ideal. If you can scare up enough paper plates, cups and utensils to last you three days, you save ever having to wash dishes. If you can get hold of a pack of wet wipes, you reduce the amount of water for washing your body. If you can bring yourself to pee in the woods or at the very least let urine sit in the toilet unflushed, you save a HUGE amount of water on flushing.

For your water prep, you can use the bit-at-a-time strategy again. Every time you get groceries, try to bring home a gallon or two of purified drinking water. They should be very cheap, usually around 1.25 in my neck of the woods, and they last for awhile. If you have a few extra dollars, buy a flat of bottled water until you have at least three gallon containers and one 12-pack for each human member of your household Tuck them away somewhere out of direct sunlight, and rotate them regularly, taking out an old gallon and flat and replacing them with new every couple of months.

Once you have your basic setup, you can start thinking about getting fancier. There are ways to find things like camp stoves and water filters fairly cheaply, usually by hitting up garage sales or looking in the clearance sporting goods section when camping season is over, but that's basically gravy when compared to just having something to eat.

Next Time: Medicine and Power

[mrsmarlasinger]

Oh? My fucking god??

THIS WAS THE CONTROLLER FOR THE SUBMARINE THAT WENT MISSING???

The Logitech F710??

Like, okay, apparently the U.S. military* uses Xbox 360 controllers. I get that. It's cheap. It's technology already familiar to many young adults. I get it, I do.

*(fuck 'em)

But still. STILL.

I don't know anything about gamepads, but I do know the Logitech F710 came out thirteen years ago. I just found it on Ebay for $16 including shipping.

But surely that means that through the test of time, the Logitech F710 has proven itself to be the best around, right? A work of video game engineering so flawless, even a relatively sane individual might agree to trust it with their life....right?

Oh. Oh. Jesus Horatio Christ.

Imagine your joystick drifts and your buttons get stuck and your controller lags...while you're steering a submarine...13,000 FEET UNDERWATER.

(That's about 4,000 meters, or just under 2.5 miles. And yes, I know it's actually a submersible, not a submarine.)

Oh my god. Oh my god.

For context, according to Naval Post:

A submarine specifically built to rescue people from subs sunk deep in the sea has a maximum depth of 7,500 to 10,000 feet (2,250 to 3,000 meters). But no, with the Titan, we're talking 13,000 FEET.

So if the pressure at approximately that depth is 5,775 psi, which means 5,775 lbs (2,619 kg)—or ALMOST THREE TONS—per square inch...

...and the atmospheric pressure where I live is sitting at 14.5 psi today...

That means the sheer pressure of the ocean at that depth is, like, 400 times that of the air we breathe. So if your fucking 13-year-old video game controller drifts you into the wreckage of the goddamn Titanic, the moment your hull sustains a little damage, even the tiniest leak, you're gonezo. The sub implodes and you're pulverized. Instantly.

(Plus I hear the compression rate is so extreme, the molecules so fast-moving, that everything heats to combustion in the split second before the water puts it out. So really, you'd be incinerated before you'd be crushed. Ain't that a treat?)

But hey, maybe the pressure hull remains intact and you just lose power. Or get entangled in the wreckage of, again, THE GODDAMN TITANIC.

Then it's just you and your four rich buddies crammed into a metal tube, waiting for your 96 hours of oxygen to run out.

Navigational computers on the fucking floor. No backrests. No seats. No padding. Nothing. Just one small toilet sat in front of one tiny window.

So when the power dies and the lights go out, it's just a claustrophic sardine tin of the wealthy, alone in the suffocating pitch-dark at the bottom of the ocean, choking on the smell of their own shit.

All this, for a quarter of a million dollars per head.

Which they paid even though Stockton Rush, the CEO of OceanGate himself, said that SAFETY IS A WASTE. OH MY FUCKING—

A sadly unshocking thing to hear from the CEO of a company that's engendered safety concerns! For! YEARS!

Also unshocking: the waiver apparently mentions death three times on the first page.

You know.

In case it didn't get through to you after the first two times. Or after reading that the sub is experimental and hasn't been approved or regulated in any remotely meaningful way.

But it's okay if the MacGyvered fucking submarine crumbles like a Saltine cracker, because IT DOESN'T MATTER IF EVERYTHING FAILS! AS LONG AS THE PRESSURE HULL'S INTACT, IT'S OKAY IF YOU'RE STUCK 13,000 FEET UNDER THE SEA WITH A RAPIDLY DWINDLING SUPPLY OF OXYGEN! THE CEO OF OCEANGATE SAID SO!!!

HAHA! HA! YES, THE TOTALLY SUCCESSFUL MACGYVERED SUB WITH A COMPLETELY INTACT PRESSURE HULL!!!!

Oh my god. Oh my GOOOOOOOOD.

But hey! Remember! :) If the Juulpod-sized, Atari-run hunk of hubris doesn't literally fucking implode with you inside it, it's okay that there are 18 bolts locking you in that can't be undone without external assistance! Because Stockton Rush said you're safe as long as the (definitely pristine) hull is still intact!

So if you're bobbing on the surface of the ocean, watching seagulls cross blue sky through your single tiny porthole, listening to the pulse of white-crested waves ruffled by the cool sea breeze, drowning above water because you can't escape the slow ceaseless hourglass that is your stagnant air supply without a rescue crew—a rescue crew that can't even find you because you're mired in a vast expanse of savage ocean and oh, by the way, your communications going down is what started all this in the FIRST PLACE...

...well, don't worry! Titan's many, many, MANY successful past voyages should give you comfort! :)

But, on the very off chance this could be a dangerous and likely deadly situation, tell me: which would be the worst way to go?

Incinerating in the abrupt birth of a terrible, crushing singularity?

Asphyxiating in the lightless abyss that lurks like some arcane hell at the bottom of the ocean?

Or suffocating just as slowly above the water, with air so close you can see the misty breeze yet still...just...out...of reach?

God, I hope we save these dumbass idiots. Especially since one of them's just a 19-year-old kid. I don't even care how rich and stupid they are. I just can't imagine dying like that.

[the-illiterate-pirate]

Head like a Hole | Ch. 2

<- read Chapter 1 here!

NOTES: SFW, Fem!Reader, Mafia talk, Googled Italian referenced abuse, food, cafe dates? Let me know if I'm missing anything!

WARNINGS: While this chapter is sfw, this series will contain content including violence and nsfw content in the future

Four PM was only getting closer and closer. Your nerves were shot, you were meeting a mafia member. An actual mafia member, and you both were planning the murder of your boyfriend.

You couldn't eat, your stomach threatened to throw it all back up. Saltine crackers were the safest option. By the time you polished off the sleeve, it was nearly time to leave, and you still had to worry about what to wear for your meeting. Shorts and t-shirt felt too casual... but a suit or dress sounded too formal for the occasion, you'd stick out like a sore thumb.

While you sat on your bed, thinking over your options, you stared down at the single text sent from an unknown number. Time and place, a quaint cafe about ten minutes away at four o'clock on the dot. This Doppio guy would be waiting in the corner of the building in a booth. Hard to miss, he said. Which sounded off. Wouldn't a mafia member want to blend in?

A cafe insinuated a casual affair, but this was a meeting with a mafioso! Is casual too casual?

It didn't matter now, you were going to be late if you didn't leave now. Jeans and a sweater would have to work today, you hoped you didn't look too ridiculous compared to the man you were meeting. You put it over a tank top. The wool itched your arms and wrists in a comforting kind of way. You didn't mind it, but if you had to feel it all over your body, it would drive you crazy. It was a little warm for a sweater, but you could get over it easily, the wind felt nice, it shouldn't be a problem.

Since the breakup- no, it wasn't until you found out you were being stalked -you were nervous to walk alone. Paranoia had your heart in a chokehold. It was worse at night, after work, the streets empty with only the streetlights to guide you. It was easier in the daytime, if only slightly. At least you had the company of strangers to set your heart at ease. Seemed like work was letting out, men and women were everywhere; in the street and on the sidewalk, all going back home. You felt like a fish fighting against the ocean currents, trying to get to the cafe without rudely bumping into anyone. Unfortunately you didn't get what you wanted.

"Hey! Watch it, punk!"

"Scusa, Signore." You can't stop to talk, but you still apologize. From behind you hear the business man scoff, "Maledetti turisti." He spit the words out like they hurt his tongue.

You wanted to counter. You wanted to apologize better, but you had no time. So you bite your tongue and keep going.

The cafe Doppio wanted you to come to was one you had never heard of, but found quite easily with the help of his texts. It didn't seem too popular. You could've counted the number of people inside the building if you wanted to, but you decided against it. The smell of coffee was strong, and it made you keenly aware that you were too nervous to eat anything for breakfast, and the only thing settling inside your stomach right now were those saltine crackers. It smelled delicious, with a hint of chocolate. If all went well, you were totally buying something before you left.

"He said booth... Which one?"

Maybe that one?

Oh, wow. He really was hard to miss.

In the far right corner of the building was a man sipping away a tiny coffee. His hair was a bright pink, like bubblegum, it contrasted with the deep red of the seats.

The hair, the outfit. It had to be him. You walk over to him, letting yourself be known by the light tap of your shoes on the hardwood floor. He looked up at you with large, beautiful brown eyes, and for a moment you hesitated. Was this the guy? He looked far too... innocent to be a mafia member. Was that the right word?

"Excuse me, sir. Are you... Doppio..?"

His shoulders relaxed, a pleasant smile forming on his lips. "Ah, you must be Signora Y/n. Please! Sit!" He gestured to the other half of the table, brushing his litter to the side. Straw wrappers, napkin scraps, all torn up in a neat pile.

"It's nice to finally speak with you face to face, ma'am."

"Likewise." You fidget nervously with your fingers. "So... uh," You clear your throat, eyes scanning the building around you. What little interaction the cafe had was minding its own business, speaking softly and enjoying their afternoon snacks. You lowered your voice a bit more. "...We're meeting quite a lot earlier than I expected... were you able to find anything to help with my 'situation'?"

Doppio's eyes steeled. Quickly he turned to the booth beside him, "Yes, I was able to find a lot to help your case." He confirmed, opening his satchel then pulling out a manila folder. "This has all the information we need on Signore Amaro." He held up the folder for just a second, looking at you with a new light in his eyes. This Doppio guy still looked the same, but the way he looked at you now made you feel meek. There was something in those eyes of his that confirmed your worst fears: you really did make a deal with the devil, and staring down at you now was a hardened, cold, mafioso. "I must warn you, signora; the moment I open this folder, there's no chance of going back to a normal life. I'm still giving you the final opportunity to leave and never interact with us again... Will you take it?"

The key to a normal life was right in front of you. That manila folder is what was keeping you from never seeing Amaro again.

That's all you wanted at that moment.

"I want to open it." You told Doppio.

He nodded, "Very well."

He carefully picked off the paperclip holding the two folder flaps together and used his thumb to open it to the two of you. The amount of paper inside the folder was visible before he even opened the thing, but that didn't stop you from feeling slightly underwhelmed at the six lonely pieces of paper that spilled out. Doppio collected and tapped the end of the papers on the table, clearing his throat before speaking. "Amaro Mezzasalma. Age: thirty. Unemployed since 1989."

He said he was working as a construction worker. How was that possible?

It didn't make sense. He paid for the damn house he had you trapped in, where could he have gotten the money if he's been unemployed since before you even moved to Italy?

Doppio straightened the pages of Amaro's file, looking down on it inquisitively. "Unemployed since 1989... the only work experience he has on file was at a gelato shop at age sixteen to age eighteen. Everything else after that is a blank."

His eyes scanned the paper further before flipping it, dark understanding dawning in his irises. "I see now... working underneath Riverenza seemed to take up much of his time."

That piqued your interest, "Come again?"

Doppio looked up, "He's been working underneath a rival gang since he was eighteen, no wonder he has no real work experience."

"He... he was a mafia member?"

"I'm afraid so." Doppio said solemnly.

Ah. That made sense.

You'd been dating a gangster.

You're now being stalked by a gangster.

Your mouth suddenly feels too dry, and you don't have anything to fix that.

"You seem just as surprised about this as I am," You say in a voice quieter than before. "Did you not find this information yourself?"

"Oh, of course not." He laughed lightly. "I'm not good with technology, I had someone else find this information for us, so I'm also learning as I read."

"I see."

He put down the papers, folding them back into the file. "You look a little pale... do you need anything? A glass of water?"

A glass of water sounded amazing... You couldn't force yourself to speak again, instead you just nodded. Doppio nodded back, flagging down a waiter with his hand. He spoke so casually with the man, asking about his day before ordering your cup of water and one for himself. His eyes cut away from the other man, looking at you for a split second. You can barely acknowledge it before he adds on, "And a bufalino sandwich for the lady, grazie."

"Of course, Signore." The man jots down the request with a smile. "I'll have that out as soon as possible, the waters will be on there way." And just as quickly as he was here, the blackhead left for the kitchen.

"Oh, y-you really didn't have–"

"Don't worry about it." Said Doppio, waving off your concerns with a small laugh. "You look like you need some good food, these types of things can be nerve-wracking, so if you'd prefer you can eat while I read through the rest of Amaro's file."

"Are you sure that's okay?"

"Yeah." Doppio smiled. "I don't mind. You relax and eat."

You did what you were told. You gratefully took the water and sandwich and practically inhaled both while Doppio did the dirty work.

The sandwich was delicious. The prosciutto paired so well with the mozzarella, with the arugula giving the sandwich the perfect crunch. It tasted like a slice of heaven.

You were definitely coming back here again, maybe without mafia shenanigans hanging over your head next time.

"Did you enjoy it?" Doppio laughed, eyeing the empty plate over his papers. You bob your head up and down, swallowing the last of your delicious sandwich, covering your mouth with your hand to speak. "What else did you find about Amaro?"

"I found a lot, fortunately the information we have is going to help us take care of the stronzo. Unfortunately for me there's still a detail that I'm missing... but it doesn't concern you."

You cock your head to the side like a puppy, but Doppio continues speaking before you can ask what he meant. "The gang he's in is Riverenza, a rival mafia near Milan. Despite being inside of Italy like our Passione, for the most part they've tended to head northwards and leave our turf alone. I'm not sure what a member of their gang is doing inside Napoli." Doppio frowned slightly.

"Is there a chance they're trying to... I don't know.. trying to start a gang war or something?"

"It's too soon to tell. We haven't had any cases of finding rival members anywhere else, it could very well just be Amaro traveling lower into Italy." He read further on. "While it's true Amaro has been working for the mafia since he was a kid, he's no more than a low rank drug peddler. No one important, meaning it should make our job of making him disappear a little easier." He placed the papers back into his folder, clipping it all together with the same paperclip he used before. "Now, any questions?"

"Right. So, what are your plans of action for me?" You asked, sipping down the rest of your water.

"Oh! I suppose that is rather important, I was so caught up with Signore Amaro that I totally forgot! Hehe..." His laugh was rather cute. In all honesty, Doppio's entirety was very attractive. His voice was sweet like honey, and he looked like nothing you'd seen before. His strange attire, and the color of his eyes and hair. He had freckles, too, sprinkled about all over his nose and his cheeks. You told yourself to ignore those feelings, they were unnecessary and unacceptable, but it was hard when he was looking you down with those soft puppy eyes.

With the file discarded to the side, Doppio bridged his two hands together to create a prop for his chin. "My plan for you is... We will have men stationed to watch over you from a distance. In no way will they affect your day to day life, but they will protect you, and make sure Mr. Amaro doesn't lay a hand on you."

"Oh." Your shoulders slumped a little bit. Relief? "So everything will still be normal? I don't need to go into hiding, or change my name?" You tried to joke.

"For the most part, yes, everything will continue as normal. Hiding you will be a last ditch attempt that I hope not to use. But if things go sideways, it is a possibility." Doppio sighed.

"And how long do you think this will take to blow over?"

"Could take weeks, could take months... If this were just another citizen causing problems it would be much easier, but considering we're charging against a rival gang member it will take much longer to sniff him out and take care of him." You nodded along with him.

You could handle that. You've been being stalked for months now, at least now you know the people watching you were protecting you, rather than trying to hurt you. The thought of countless pairs of gangster's eyes on you didn't seem any better than the alternative, though.

You felt Doppio's hand brush against yours. He took yours gently, giving it a comforting squeeze. Doppio smiled at you warmly, "We'll take care of you. Promise." You subconsciously squeezed him back, offering him your own shakey smile back. "Thank you."

It took a while for Doppio to take his hand away, red in the cheeks as he did. He cleared his throat before checking the watch on his opposite wrist. Shock struck his face like lightning. "Oh, jeez! It's almost five already! I need to get you home!"

He packed up all of his things, meanwhile you decided to clean up the table, dragging all of Doppio's paper clippings and your crumbs into an intact napkin, cups and utensils on your plate, trying to make it easier to clean for that sweet waiter. "Are you ready to leave?" Doppio asked. You nodded, getting out of your booth and following him to the exit.

"Ciao, Signore Doppio!" Someone called. It was the waiter from before, giving the two of you a toothy grin with his arms full of dishes. Doppio smiled back, waving as he exited. "Ciao, Serj!"

"Do you go to that cafe often?" You asked on the way back to your house.

"Oh, yes! A lot of my business in Passione gets completed here. It's a beautiful spot, and the food is delicious, is it not?"

"It was fantastic." You agreed. "Thank you for buying me that sandwich... I'll repay you for it! I know you don't want my money... but if there's anything I can do–"

Doppio silenced you with a giggle. "Please, don't worry yourself with just a sandwich! It's my job to make sure you're safe and healthy. You weren't looking too well earlier... I was worried you may have passed out before we could speak!"

"Yeah... I'm sorry about that. I was so nervous about meeting you that I forgot to eat... at all." You understood now that your nerves were wrongly placed. Doppio was kind, and nothing terrible happened. It was rather silly now that you thought about it.

But Doppio didn't see the humor in it. He frowned, genuinely looking upset at your words. "That's not good, Miss. Y/n! You need to take care of yourself!"

"I, I know. I'm, sorry?" He sounded a little like a scolding father, still light hearted but very disappointed. Somehow it made you feel guilty.

For most of the walk home, it was silent. You weren't sure how to continue a conversation. Was small talk too casual? You didn't want to bore him with more questions about the assassination attempt.

Oh, just saying the word, even inside your mind, made you feel on edge. As if Amaro could hear your thoughts.

You stuck closer to Doppio, slightly unnerved by the images in your thoughts. He noticed, but didn't bring it up. Instead, his hand brushed against yours, finding your fingers and lacing his with them. You stilled, feeling his warm palm, his slender fingers intertwining with yours. Heat rushed into your cheeks, but you continued forward anyway, silent as a mouse.

"It's that busy time of the day, you know." Doppio replied cheerfully. "I can't have you disappearing on me! I need to make sure you get home safe, of course."

Right. You can believe that.

You swallowed the saliva building up in your mouth and walked in silence next to Doppio.

It really wasn't even that crowded. Not like earlier. The out-of-work rush was slowing down, you were a far throw from being completely alone with Doppio, but there wasn't any real reason to keep holding his hand. You didn't stop, though. His hand was soft, and holding it was... reassuring. Ironic, you thought, because of his mafia status.

You didn't mind taking Doppio straight to your house. He was allowed to know, right? Chances were he already did, anyway. He took you straight to your front door, where you both had yet another staring match. Doppio still had your hand in his, taking your other to caress them both gently.

He gave you another award winning smile, "This is where we part. I enjoyed our–" You interrupt him by crashing your body into his for a tight hug. He yelps, throwing his hands away so they don't touch your body. You hold him tighter, "Thank you for everything, Doppio."

"O-Oh, Ma'am, I'm just doing my job! You really don't need to th-thank me for that!" You pull away, his cheeks are almost as pink as his hair now, and you smile at him. You wipe away a stray tear that began to form during the hug, allowing Doppio to pull away now. "I'm sorry for hugging you so suddenly... but really, I need to thank you. This is the best I've felt in months. So thank you, for the food, for the talk... for getting rid of my shitty ex. I appreciate it all."

Doppio seemed to calm down, taking a moment to think about his next course of action. He took your hands again, giving them another squeeze, just like back in the cafe, before speaking. "You're too kind... but I'm just doing my job, so you don't need to waste your kind words on me. If there's anyone you need to thank, thank the Boss!"

"The boss?.. Oh, right." You laugh a little bit, pushing some hair behind your ear. "Doppio, I've got one last question. You said earlier that someone else did all the digging on Amaro, and if I'm not talking to the boss of this "Passione" now, then... What is your rank in the gang?"

Getting to boss people around, and also setting up murder attempts sounded important, he must've been high ranking. You heard it in a documentary before... was he a "Capo"?

"Not everyone gets to know that," Doppio said with a teasing glint in his eye. "...you are important to my boss, though, so maybe it would be okay." He gets a little closer. Subconsciously, you do the same to hear his urgent whisper. "I'm his Consiglieri."

"Ohh." You pretend to understand him.

Doppio smirks, adding on. "That means I'm the underboss to Passione. Second in command. All important affairs go through me, and I take care of them while my boss attends to his other matters."

"So you're important. Like, really, really important."

"Si." He smiled, showing teeth.

So. You were face to face with the second in command of the largest gang in Italy. That made you feel great. Especially considering all of the thoughts you've had about him in the back of your mind. You wanted to crawl into a hole.

"So this won't be the last time we meet?" You hoped.

"Si. I'll be keeping an eye on you whenever my work can allow it, and I'll drop in to make sure everything is going smoothly, on both of our sides."

"Will you be back tomorrow to watch over me?"

At that, Doppio's smile dropped into a soft frown. "Unfortunately, just as my boss has his work, so do I. I'm drowning in work right now, so someone will take my place for the next coming days. They are our most trusted members, they'll all take great care of you."

"I see." You deflate slightly.

He gives you another gentle squeeze. "I trust them with my own life, they will all make sure nothing happens to you."

"Thanks, Doppio."

You both give your final goodbyes. You watch Doppio leave before going inside.

The house is empty and silent. The door you lean against has been warmed by the sun, and you can feel it through your sweater. It feels good.

You're all alone, Doppio is gone, and now you need to worry about Amaro again.

Not for long, your mind thinks. But you shut yourself up immediately. Weeks, months still, of worrying about that bastard. It wasn't going to be soon enough.

But just for tonight, you'll be alone. Tomorrow you'll have someone to protect you.

And the next day, and so on, until Amaro was gone. And sooner or later you'd get to see Doppio again.

You didn't think you were attracted to him. But being around Doppio felt like being wrapped up in a warm, comforting hug. Despite his occupation, and whatever bad things he's done, Doppio was the kindest person you've met in Italy.

Amaro was like that at first, your brain reminded you. And this time, you don't stop it. Because you're too tired, and it's true. He pretended to act just like Doppio, and it was all just a stupid lie.

You fall to the floor, still with your back to your door. You curl up into a ball, indulging in the warm wood inside your living room for just a couple minutes. Then you'd get up and go to bed. You had work tomorrow, of course.

[not-a-space-alien]

hello!! I've just started reading Watch Your Step, and i love it so far T o T !! Do you have character sheets/commissions/descriptions of what each character looks like? I'd love to draw them ^^ !!

Hey that's so sweet! I'm glad you're enjoying it!!

So, you are allowed to picture the characters differently if you think that's fun, but all the visuals that exist of all the characters should be linked in the story masterpost! But I'll recap the main details here to make it easier to reference!

Thistle

By @echollama and @bottlesandbuttons

Height: 5.56 inches

Thistle probably has the greatest "open to interpretation" factor in his look. The only details that are specified in the actual text of the story is that he's bug-like enough to freak out people who are creeped out by bugs, and that he has long black hair. (That and the details of his wing being torn, as well as thing like him emoting with his ears, which implies they're probably longer than a humans'.) I personally would love to see some different takes on what that could look like, but this has been his most consistent character design.

Marcy

by @freshpoof03

Height: 5' 3"

Marcy's only canon descriptors are that she's implied to be fat at certain points, and this contrast Thistle notes with Teddy in 1.10:

Out of all three of the giants, Teddy was the one he was the least familiar with, and the least comfortable.  She was the opposite of Marcy in a lot of ways.  Marcy was thick, Teddy was thin.  They had different skin and hair colors.  Marcy had long hair, Teddy had short.  Marcy liked looking at bugs, and Teddy hated it.  Marcy loved to touch him, handle him, examine him–loved it too much, an unsettling amount. 

She also looks "alt" enough that people assume she's a lesbian in 2.3.

Teddy and Colin

They don't have art yet, but these are their picrews!

Heights: 5' 6" (Teddy) and 6'2" (Colin)

Teddy is implied to black at a few different points in the story and is contrasted with Marcy as I said earlier. Colin is specified to be white and very plain-looking in 2.3

With the power of crowd-sourcing, they even managed to find slurs to hurl at Colin, a cisgender white man who even on his most rebellious days never managed to look more countercultural than the average saltine cracker.  If the fire hose of boiling malice hadn’t been so scary, it might almost be impressive.

Colin also spends a lot of time outside, so I imagine he has perpetual tan lines.

Jewel

By @echollama

Not much to say here honestly. Clownfish mermaid.

Length including tail when stretched out: 6 inches

Violet and Petunia

By @dearheartwitcher

Heights: 3.5 inches (Violet) and 2 inches (Petunia)

Violet (left) and Petunia (right) are specified to be "mousey," fuzzier than a human, and have tails. Also open to interpretation, but Petunia is specified to have colorful clothes made out of candy wrappers and black fur.

Severa

by @echollama

Her right arm is torn off in the shredder till just past the elbow in 2.10. The grey hair and ribbon, and being green, are all that's specified in the text.

Length including tail when stretched out: ~30 inches

Moon

by @echollama

Moon probably has the most detailed description out of anyone

But no.  He was clearly male–although possibly this was a case of using magic to change appearance without being able to change larger features of sex, such as body size, which Thistle had heard of but never seen firsthand.  But this new person’s wings were too different to be a pixie–they weren’t translucent like Thistle’s but solid and powdery like a moth’s wings, green and purple appendages stretching out behind him.  He had long, shiny black hair, braided elegantly, and his clothes were fine, no cobbled together rags like Violet and Petunia had had…finer even than Thistle’s own clothes.  And he was….fuzzy.  The ends of very soft-looking fur poked out from the top of his shirt and the ends of his sleeves. He was sitting cross-legged on the ground in a patch of rapidly waning moonlight, sheltered under the leaves of a sapling, eyes closed.  As Thistle’s footsteps grew loud enough to alert this stranger to the pixie’s presence, his eyes snapped open.  They were red–and reflective, indicating he had better night vision than a pixie.

The cane is for balance because he has foot drop in his left foot.

Height: 8 inches

Sierra

Only has a picrew, but not really any description details given.

Height: 5' 4"

Lalitha and Jaden

Also only have picrews, and no real descriptions given, but Lalitha Mishra is a Hindi name.

And lest we forget...

Mochi

Image taken from google

[mariacallous]

As a Jewish archivist at the Center for Michigan Jewish Heritage (CMJH), based in Metro-Detroit, I’ve found endless hidden gems in our local Jewish archives. Archivists collect, maintain, and make accessible historic materials relating to their area or subject, which does not sound as exciting as it really is. Being an archivist at a Jewish archive means that I get to look through amazing Purim photographs, letters from rabbis writing to each other about congregational drama, film reels with old timey dancing; the list goes on. But among the most fun finds are congregational cookbooks. The CMJH has cookbooks that are over 100 years old, with recipes from generations of Jewish Detroiters. While skimming a cookbook for a social media post, a fellow archivist and I came across a recipe called “mock blintzes” from 1947. You might be familiar with the classic blintz, often a sweet cheese filled crepe topped with sour cream or jam. Upon looking at the ingredients of mock blintzes (which included salted crackers and dry cottage cheese), it looked…subpar to the classic blintz; unappealing, even. So, of course, we decided there was only one thing to do: make them. 

After posting a picture of my results online, I was surprised to find that people knew about this recipe and had fond memories of “mock blintzes.” Perhaps it is generational, but the idea sounded so far from the blintzes I knew. Once I received that comment, it pushed me to do a little digging about the “mock blintz” and see what I could learn about this (mostly) forgotten recipe. 

So, let’s take a look at the history of this, well, historical recipe. Though it seems to have lost popularity in the 2020’s, the “mock blintz” can be found mentioned in many places in the mid 20th century, including Jewish cookbooks and newspapers from the era. It appears that the “mock blintz” with salted crackers, a cream cheese/cottage cheese filling, dipped in an egg mixture and fried was a common choice in the 1930’s and 1940’s. Another “mock blintz” option, which sounds a little more enticing, used a similar concept for filling and frying but rather than using crackers, the recipe called for rolled thin white bread. Crackers or bread, this recipe could be found in newspapers throughout the country. In one paper, published in 1988, it was listed under the “Unusual Breakfast Ideas,”  which gives us a clue on its popularity by that time. 

With all this great information about the history of the “mock blintz” you must be wondering, are they actually good? Well, when we made them, the expectations were incredibly low, which helped. The reason we even attempted to make them is because they sounded unappetizing (take a look at the picture of the recipe to see what I mean). Saltine crackers with dry cottage cheese? Not exactly my top combination. However, with the addition of the egg and butter (lots of butter) it actually turned out okay. The taste reminds me of something closer to French toast made with salty crackers. Although our expectations were already low, the result truly did exceed them. I can absolutely see how the people who use matzah to make a “mock blintz” during Passover are doing something right. But would I choose this over a frozen blintz or French toast? Probably not. 

Whether or not my description sounds appealing, the recipe is definitely intriguing and tells a story about the way people were trying to balance tradition, and modern lives at the time the recipe was popular. Today, there are various online recipes for the “mock blintz.” If you want to try them,  I recommend channeling your grandmother (or great-grandmother) and attempting to recreate the 1940’s version. It’s…not bad.

[abookishdreamer]

Character Intro: Myrízei (Kingdom of Ichor)

Nicknames- Myrí by Kópros

The Little Alchemist by Hermes

The Nerd Wonder by Prophasis

Stinkbug by Caerus

Age- 8 (immortal)

Location- Hearthwood neighborhood, New Olympus

Personality- A very intelligent and inquisitive young man, he's far more mature beyond his years. He can out-do most beings in anything science & math related. He views his intelligence as his greatest power, but can also be arrogant, unsympathetic to other beings' feelings, and a bit of a know-it-all.

He has the standard abilities of a god except shapeshifting. As the god of smell & gases his other powers/abilities include having an enhanced smell, flight (by way of vapor emission), atmospheric adaptation, miasmakinesis (gas manipulation), temporary sneezing inducement, bodily gas manipulation, being able to communicate with stinky animals (like skunks, hoatzins, etc...), temporary anosmia inducement (loss of smell), his "sonic sneeze," his "stench storm" (emitting a horrible smellling poisonous vapor from his mouth & nose), and being able to emit a terrible stench from his body when threatened or experiencing heightened negative emotions.

Myrízei is the only child of his father Kópros (god of manure & excrement).

The two of them live in a cottage in the Hearthwood neighborhood of New Olympus. The thermostat is always kept at a cool, not cold setting. Contrary to popular belief, the abode is very clean. Myrízei's room is immaculately spotless and organized. The walls are painted black, pastel blue, white, & green while also being covered in various scientific posters. There's a GIANT poster of the periodic table on the ceiling. The floor is covered in blue carpeting as well as a bookshelf that contains his board game collection, various science textbooks, & other books.

He has a few pets- a blue tongued skink named Argon, a leopard gecko named Beaker, three bombardier beetles named Vector, Neutron, & Atom, as well as two millipedes named Millie and Miles. There's more pets he wants to get in the future.

A go-to drink for him is white grape juice. He also likes seltzer water, ginger iced tea, apple juice, ginger ale, coconut milk, & his dad's homemade orange carrot ginger smoothies. Myrízei likes drinking the smoothie with the crazy shaped glass straws he made himself.

Two of his favorite things to eat for breakfast is a bowl of Earthly Harvest multi grain flakes (topped with sliced bananas) or a hot bowl of steel cut oats topped with dark chocolate chips & a little bit of maple syrup. If his dad makes eggs, Myrízei likes them dry and scrambled.

It's not known definitively, but it's been said that his IQ score is between 200 to 250. He knows the IQ score of Athena (goddess of wisdom), which is past 400.

Myrízei is very sensitive to strong smells, hating the majority of perfumes and colognes. When he bathes, he loves using the Pure Clean Co. gentle unscented body wash.

He loves snacking on raisins, figs, dates, bananas, & apples.

Myrízei loves his dad and the two of them are very close. More often than not afterschool, he's at his father's doctor's office downtown. He appreciates the fact that his dad is supportive in his interest in science, but also feels like he's holding him back from it. Kópros rejected the idea of having Myrízei enroll in University in just a couple of years when it was brought up during a meeting with his science teacher & the school's principal.

He sometimes wishes that he was a student at Athenium Academy (which is more academically rigorous & challenging) instead of the private elementary school he's currently enrolled in.

Myrízei's school lunch is always the same without fail, made by his dad. It consists of a peanut butter & fig jam sandwich on whole wheat bread (with the crusts cut off), a bottle of ginger iced tea, carrot sticks, saltine crackers, and a small cup of banana yogurt. He does like it when the school has ice cream day in the cafeteria every week, settling for a small bowl of vanilla ice cream topped with toasted pistachios.

His other favorite frozen treat are blueberry popsicles.

Myrízei is currently on break from school. His other godly schoolmates include fellow third graders Hebe (goddess of youth), Prophasis (goddess of excuses), Caerus (god of opportunity & luck), Paidia (goddess of play & amusement), Aceso (goddess of healing), Physis (goddess of nature), & Mneme (goddess of remembrance), a fourth grader Xenia (goddess of hospitality), & the fifth graders Calleis (goddess of allurement), Melete (goddess of thought & meditation), Aidos (goddess of shame, modesty, humility, & respect), Ersa (goddess of morning dew), and Eulabeia (goddess of caution).

A guilty pleasure for him is white mushroom pizza, but with no pizza sauce.

It's common knowledge that Myrízei is probably the smartest kid in the entire school. He doesn't seem to care when the other kids groan when he's quick to answer every question the teacher asks. Myrízei is aware of his bad habit of criticizing & correcting his fellow classmates. He does find Caerus' wisecracks about him annoying.

He once sneezed outside during recess and ended up flying 30 feet in the air!

Myrízei doesn't really have friends, but is friendly toward Xenia, Aceso, Mneme, and Physis. There's also an aurai boy named Scirco that he usually eats lunch with. The two have a lot in common, like their love of science & the fact that they collect trading cards!

He's an exceptional academic student, his favorite class and subject being science. Myrízei adores his science teacher, a harpy named Mr. Thornwing. He likes his teacher's dry sense of humor and the fact that he lets him eat lunch with him sometimes in the classroom along with Scirco. Mr. Thornwing will also give Myrízei university level chemistry and physics worksheets to do for fun or extra credit. When school resumes, he's looking forward to the class trip to Nisyros, to see the state's volcano!

Even though Myrízei doesn't like gym class, he still participates. He hates how sweaty he is afterwards.

In the pantheon he does like Morá (goddess of babies & children) who's often his babysitter. Myrízei liked when she took him to the New Olympus Hall of Science, the largest science and technology museum in the city (with his father's permission). He also admires Hephaestus (god of the forge), Techne (goddess of arts, crafts, & invention), Tithonus (god of insects), as well as Aetna (goddess of volcanoes); is a huge fan of her earth science TV show Kólasi!

It's been set up that Myrízei's official mentor will be Diochetévo (goddess of sewers, garbage, & waste).

He does miss his dad's ex-girlfriend Aegle (goddess of good health). Myrízei really liked the book of science puns she got him as a gift.

He really enjoy himself with his dad when they went to a football (soccer) game in the city. They sat high on the stands eating bags of spiced olives & gyro hot dogs topped with sauerkraut. Myrízei and Kópros made each other laugh with a burping contest on the way home.

In his free time he enjoys watching TV (mainly cartoons & science documentaries), chess, drawing, working on various chemistry projects, reading, bike riding, and gardening.

His all time favorite meal is brown rice with roasted brussel sprouts & kale.

"Chemsitry is the language of matter, and we as scientists, are the storytellers."

[infamousbrad]

Brad's Food Pellets: the HDR?

Statement of the Problem: C-PTSD and Orthorexia

Most Recent Experiment: Military-surplus Humanitarian Daily Ration packets?

I have recurring bouts of pervasive anhedonia, probably related to C-PTSD and definitely made worse by the texture sensitivity of my autism-spectrum disorder. One of the major impacts of this on my life is that I have severe difficulty staying fed: I have days, sometimes multiple in a row, where the thought of eating anything makes me gag. Eventually, when I'm on the point of collapse, I'll choke down some of the fattiest, most sugar-sweetened food there is just to keep from getting falling over or passing out, if that's all I can stomach. But that ends up making things worse, because it's not satisfying and it's even more depressing.

This has been made worse in recent years by seemingly non-stop pressure to lose weight, despite the absence of any scientifically demonstrable way for me to do so. In the last year or so, this has manifested as what I recognize to be the symptoms of orthorexia, food-avoidant behavior driven not by desire to get thin but by fear of "eating something that's wrong."

One way that I've been trying to manage this is by experimenting with what one of my closest friends calls "Brad's food pellets." These are food solutions that are as nutritious as I can make them while meeting several criteria: high shelf stability, low price, and perhaps most importantly, lowest possible prep time, cooking time, and cleanup time. If food's going to be gross no matter what I do, I need to at least get it over with quickly.

I found out via a Reddit blog post that there is a now 20+ year old collaboration between the big-three military-ration companies, at least three US government agencies, and at least two big disaster relief charities to continuously improve something called the Humanitarian Daily Ration: a salmon-pink nigh-indestructible self-padded heavy Tyvek envelope containing 2200 calories' worth of vegetarian, kosher, halal, nutritious, varied food that can, if necessary, be eaten with no additional preparation, for a maximum of $5 per day.

The collaboration hasn't settled on "good enough" and based on user feedback, they've revised the menu at least three times that I can find evidence of, not counting the one that's in progress right now. Because there's a new 2023 formulation (more infant-friendly food in every packet, substitution of sesame for peanuts), huge stocks of the 2011?-2022 formulation are being dumped onto the military surplus market right now. The State Department, the Army, FEMA, the Red Cross, and the UN High Council for Refugees are rushing to stock up on the 2023 formulation as fast as the big-three "MRE" companies can make them.

So it's trivially easy, if you search online, to find multiple vendors offering to ship a crate of ten 2022-model HDRs for $50 or less, including shipping, even though they're explicitly not intended for general civilian use. I decided to see if these would make acceptable "food pellets" and ordered what turned out to be "menu B," the one that primarily comes from the vendor Sopakco. Which crate you get is deliberately random, they're not labeled on the outside, and online reviews suggest that "crate B" is the worst of the three, so this makes a good worst-case experiment. It came with:

10 packets of unfrosted brown sugar Pop-Tarts, two per packet

10 peanut butter packets and 10 strawberry jam packets (bread not included)

16 packets of ultra-concentrated mildly-spicy tomato soup in three different flavors: lentils with rice, black eyed peas with rice, and lentils with potatoes and mixed vegetables (or as I said after adding the red and black pepper, "three different flavors of vegetarian chili")

4 packets of ultra-concentrated mild yellow curry with rice & lentils

10 packets of large saltine crackers flavored with powdered mixed vegetables, two per packet

10 large shortbread cookies

10 large cinnamon-oatmeal cookies

20 ingredient lists printed on heavy card-stock, and

10 "accessory" packs, each of which contains one plastic spoon, one napkin, one wet-wipe, one salt packet, one ground black pepper packet, one large red-pepper flake packet, two sugar packets, and a pack of paper safety matches.

Yes, the breakfast and both deserts are identical every day and, frankly, not great. The cookies and the Pop-Tarts are astonishingly dry and crumbly for the crate still having more than two years left on its "best used by" date. The Pop-Tarts and the shortbread cookie are also awfully bland for something that's going to be eaten every day. (Which is why they've been replaced for 2023 with tastier options.) At least the cinnamon-oatmeal cookie, dry and crumbly as it is, is very flavorful.

Each daily packet includes two of the concentrated-soup entrees, with a predictable rotation, but guaranteed not to be the same two days in a row. I can reconstitute one in a small saucepan, with half a packet or so of water, on an induction cooking plate in not much more than a minute, and once I crumble in one of the two daily crackers, it's an astonishingly tasty meal, enough that it cuts through both of my food-aversion issues, with zero cognitive/emotional load on me -- just grab one of the two that the packet chose for me.

2200 calories a day turn out to not be enough to satisfy me on some days, but I have previous "food pellet" experiments that I can pad out a menu with. I can write those experiments up, if there's any interest in the reblogs or comments?

But for now, I think I have, if not a solution, a reasonably well-tolerated treatment. As long as they're available on the military-surplus market, I'm going to re-order a crate every time I drop below four packets left. And, specifically:

On any day where it takes me longer than two hours to persuade myself to eat something, anything, for breakfast, it means I'm having one of "those" days, so I'm going to open another HDR packet and eat whatever it gives me.

[sohannabarberaesque]

Postcards from Snagglepuss

So what could it be like fixing chili with the Hair Bear Bunch?

Crazy. And then some.

Witness a rather amusing little episode the other night with the crew at Crazy Claws' retreat on Lake Delton, one which saw the Hair Bear Bunch (led, naturally, by the ever-unpredictable Hair Bear) prepare quite the pot of chili for supper.

One, mind you, which required getting no less than three pounds of ground beef and two modest-sized cans of chili beans, let alone a small jar of Pleasoning Chili Seasoning for the spice. Not to mention having to make sure the grease from the frying beef was properly disposed of, and in such a way that, over time, such wouldn't stink up the place with the sheer rancidity.

"And you wonder how waste hamburger fat would react to leftover peanut oil used for deep frying turkeys come Thanksgiving," as Crazy Claws put it, "at the local waste fats recycling point. Especially since it's bound to become biofuel anyway ... and just hope that the exhaust on cars actually using biofuel don't smell rancid in the end."

"Which has us thinking about redoing the engine on our motorhome," Huckleberry Hound added, "to use biofuels."

"Especially," added I, "when we're with Peter Potamus and his band of divers come the winter. Down in the Caribbean, even!"

"And you wonder where biofuel can be easily obtained," Square Bear quipped, "what with service stations not making such all that easy to obtain."

But at any rate, the discussion of turning waste hamburger grease into biofuel as a byproduct of fixing chili was but bound to come aside as the chili was bubbling away, the Southwestern aromatics bound to infiltrate the retreat in the face of a clear, but chill autumnal-type day for Wisconsin, the kind where the mail is bound to include a Swiss Colony or Figi's catalogue of mail-order cheeses and other food gifts screaming "WISCONSIN!!" at its cheesiest. And even Pixie and Dixie couldn't resist paging through one such for gifting-type ideas, content in the knowledge that their planting genetically-modified catnip was giving Jinksie the fits.

And by the time sunset came along--which turned out to be as much the time for serving the chili, right down to the whole wheat saltine crackers and shredded cheese complementing the whole, as well as some decent ginger ale to stimulate appetites and complement the spiciness of the chili ... you'll never guess who was the most enthused for the chili: Dum-Dum, the boon compadre unto Touché Turtle, he as would over the summer enjoy houseboating with Bristlehound on the Mississippi in search for Friday fish fry.

Not to be outdone, the Hair Bear Bunch "themselves" had quite the fill of chili on their account. After all, it was their idea to get the chili supper started, even with the jokes about how the grease from the frying hamburger would be disposed of in the end ... though Hair Bear admitted that he probably had a hankering most serious for some old-school chili himself.

And who could imagine the smell of flatus ensuing, enough for the Ozium to be deployed to keep the air sweet, even if it was bound to be a hospitals-in-winter sort of smell?

*************

@warnerbrosentertainment @ultrakeencollectionbreadfan @jellystone-enjoyer @xdiver71 @iheartgod175 @indigo-corvus @archive-archives @thebigdingle @themineralyoucrave @princessgalaxy505 @screamingtoosoftly @thylordshipofbutts @warnerbros-blog1 @a-gang-of-silly-bananas @zodiacfan32 @railguner34 @theweekenddigest @warnerbrosent-blog

[mydewottwantstofightme]

So for those of you who haven’t been keeping up, here’s a summary:

This all started with someone mentioning they met a Smeargle that collected moves on Chatter, including rare moves and one supposedly not real move called Light of Ruin. My Dewott, Torrent, who is a move junkie, took this as a challenge and took up painting in order to challenge this Smeargle and learn Sketch.

Good news: Pokemon Paintings made by Pokémon who don’t normally paint apparently have a lot of novelty value and go for a good amount, so Queen (my Cincinno) became Torrent’s agent of sorts.

Bad news: Torrent is still trying to learn Sketch.

Worse news: Torrent used his earnings from his paintings to buy an upgrade to our move reminder and we both somehow learned he could learn Mimic, bringing him one step closer to his goal.

They also invited over and hired this Gothorita (has glasses, shiny, likes saltine crackers) who knew Metronome to help them out. I’m sure she has other skills that were relevant but that’s the only one I learned about.

Present day, that Gothorita used Metronome for Torrent to try and draw, and what ended up coming out was Egg Bomb, which blew up the backyard. But, from that brief mishap (and some other stuff that I didn’t witness) Torrent apparently learned that he can use Mimic on any move he draws!

Granted it appears there are limits. He tried using Bullet Seed from drawing Queen, and to be fair produced 1 seed. Seems he’s an amateur and the quality of the drawing factors into the strength of the move, as well as Torrent’s practice with the move. Also tested it a little more earlier, and it seems it has to be something Torrent draws, and the drawing has to be in front of him in order to use Mimic on it. The rules seem arbitrary but I’m not a Pokémon Professor. Anyway, I’m just happy Torrent picked up a new hobby and this whole situation seems to have concluded…

Also Officer Jenny stopped by asking about a weird Gothorita. I didn’t narc on her (and she had also already left) but it seems like she might be a criminal. So uh. Keep that in mind if you see a shiny Gothorita with glasses munching on a saltine.

[miss-ari]

A Non-Comprehensive List of "Foods That Don't Really Exist In Australia Compared to America" In My Experience Thus Far

(Some of these you can find at specialty US food/import stores if you're lucky though!)

Saltine crackers

Graham crackers

Yellow/orange mac and cheese. It is white-ish here, comes in a smaller quantity but costs more, and does not taste the same. I tried making it like I would back home and my partner said "This slaps!" but I thought it was kinda dreadful :x

Twizzlers. Okay a lot of American candies are going to be missing but this is the one that hurts me most. Like, oh no they don't have Mike & Ikes- who the fuck cares.

Funky ice cream flavours in tubs. Australia does ice cream treats really well, you are pretty much guaranteed delicious results if it is individually wrapped. But anything outside of basic vanilla (which tastes VERY different from any American vanilla ice cream I've ever had in my life), chocolate, and neapolitan in a tub is gonna be goddamn scarce. I have managed to track down mint chocolate chip and cookies & cream but they were gross. Anything more complex- think moose tracks, chocolate cherry chip, brownie, rocky road, cookie dough, etc- you are shit out of luck my friend because if they do exist here they come in specialty brand pints exclusively and they are at least $12 a pop, kys

Jif peanut butter

Breakfast or "country" sausages. I actually had no idea that was exclusively an American thing until I moved here. No one knows what I'm talking about and I just gesture helplessly when they ask for details because I don't know what's in those either! I've never had to think about it before! But I better find out 'cause it's time to start making them myself. Send help.

(Good) Mexican food, just as a whole -_-;

Root beer. For some reason they have Ginger Beer but not Ginger Ale and I swear there is a difference but it probably doesn't matter

Ranch dressing?? I'm a good midwestern girl what is this fresh hell

Cheez-its, cheetos, cheez whiz, goldfish crackers- most salty cheese snacks. Your average grocery chain like Woolies or Coles isn't gonna have these and it's a little weird.

Fruit snacks. Presumably because they don't have enough fruit for Australia to legally call them that. I have found some at Costco but that's about it. Side note, the Kirkland chocolate chips bag says "Great for baking and snacking" so they've manually put a plain white sticker with black text over it that says "Great for baking and cooking" :')

Egg rolls. Actually most Chinese American food which. Okay that makes sense now that I think about it but orange chicken my beloved... crab rangoon... egg rolls... They do have "spring rolls" but they are kinda shit! Korean food is everywhere though and it is goddamn delicious. Oh and you can get mochi ice cream 10 for $10 at Coles. There's limited flavours obviously but they have strawberry and mango and that is all that matters tbqh (black sesame is a 0/10, truly awful)

Fritos/corn chips. Tortilla chips exist but are more expensive than you'd expect, and the "Hispanic" section of the grocery store is like. A shelf. Bitches don't even have crema smh

Velveeta

Cool whip

Not a food but Tums or even really generic antacid tablets- I cannot find them anywhere

If we're including not-foods all of a sudden: cardstock.

Candy corn

Lemonade. Australians will insist they have lemonade but it is fucking carbonated!! I'm like no no it's not supposed to be fizzy, it's not like a Sprite. "So it's just lemon and sugar water...?" Yes!!! God!!

Specifically this type of noodle:

Almond bark

Maraschino cherries

Trail mix

And your reactions will vary wildly between "Eh. That's fair." and "Oh dear god, please tell me the US import store takes requests."

[six40seven]

Hey Ran, how are things?

Hello anonymous . Good I mean as much as it can be expected. It’s been two days since I updated. Sorry about that. I’ve been trying to take a break from everything. Niki came home last night. She didn’t talk to me until after she took a really long hot shower. I think she used all the hot water.

She made ramen for dinner which was a nice change from the dry saltine crackers and cheese sticks I had been stealing. I think she went to the store before she came home because the pantry was restocked. I’m glad she did because I don’t think I could have handled walking Dow the drive and standing at the bus stop. I don’t think I can do it on my own yet.

Dinner we spent talking about things. I told her I was pretty sure I had a bad cold I don’t know if she bought it but she made me promise to go back to school on Monday. Until then though I can hide away in my room.

Her job is really stressing her out. The case they’re working on , not that she can tell details to me, is really putting a rock on her back. Ive certainly never seen her this tired. Right before I left the kitchen she sort of…. Grabbed my shoulder and looked me really deep in the eyes.

I don’t really like eye contact. Which she knows but she looked really concerned so o stayed still and then she told me to stay out of the woods for a few weeks.

It was unnerving and I’ve been thinking all about it since. Could she some how know about, that night? I don’t know and honestly I can just take her advice and not leave the house.

My room is clean now so I decided to spend today (Saturday) playing on my old game boy that I found when cleaning. All my games are the same way they were 5 years ago when I lost it. It was very nostalgic.

Anyway. Sorry for the long wait update. I have a few new pictures to show everyone so I might do that later as well as a bit more thoughts to write down. Including a dream I had. Thanks for the asks everyone

[kittycattoys]

Ink - Eddie Munson S1 E1

Masterlist | Epilogue | Characters

Welcome to Season 1 I will no longer put warnings or summaries just straight into story. If you don't like smut and angst this fic isn't for you 👍

This starts the Friday before the Sunday Will disappears and Ava's tattoo has healed.

And remember that Ava has dark skin so prepare for raciest names not including the n word. It might not be the most accurate because I am paler then a saltine cracker and I wish I made that up. Also I'm not fetashiesing the black body I just thought I'd spice up my character roster.

Eddie is a Senior Ava is a Junior

____________________________________

Ava was feeling like she shouldn't have to hide her relationship anymore. She didn't care if Steve had a fit what's the worst that could happen, she loses her popularity. Woop dee do. So that's why she sat down next to Eddie instead of at her normal table.

Eddie looked at her with confusion and adoration, meanwhile the rest of the table full of weirdos looked at her as if she was the weirdest one there.

"H-hey" Eddie breathed out with a smile from ear to ear. A bright red covered his face.

"Hey" she let out a small laugh at seeing how red he got.

"why are you sitting here"

"Well can't I sit with my boyfriend" his heart melted a little hearing her say it in public.

"Ok Eddie how much weed did you give her for doing this" one of his friends on the other side of him said earning a slap on the back of the head from Eddie.

"I don't understand what you mean by that" she gave a death glare to the friend

"he has had a crush on you since middle- ow" Eddie gave him an even harder slap to make him finally shut up

"So the boy you were seeing really was Eddie" an aggravated voice came from behind her. She stood up and turned around to find Steve glaring at her.

"I don't see why you care so much about it Steve"

"He is a bad influence on you-"

"Says the person who got me to drink my first beer, first joint, first alot worse then Eddie could do" Steve knew exactly what she meant by the last comment which only made him more mad

"you better stop seeing him or else"

"or else what you'll beat me can't do that with out getting your money cut off, or will you bully me into becoming a reject guess what I don't care"

"or else I'll tell your parents what you have been up to I'm willing to bet they wouldn't like their little girl dating a drug dealer" she froze knowing he really would do that. She gave an apologetic look to Eddie before grabbing her tray and moving back to the popular table "that's what I thought"

She spent the rest of lunch hatching out a plan because no way in hell was she going to stop dating Eddie just because Steve didn't like him.

********

School ended and Eddie was nearly to his van when he felt two arms wrap around his waist from behind

"Shit Avs you can't do that you're going to give me a heart attack"

"Sorry"

"why are you here I thought you weren't going to date me anymore"

"You didn't think that I would really stop seeing you because of a stupid threat"

"you sure made it seem like that at lunch"

"well because it wasn't an empty threat so that's why I'm going to arrange for you to meet my parents"

"WHAT!? WHEN!?"

"don't worry I'll give you time to prepare but you just need to be yourself an then Steve can't do shit about us dating I'll call you later with the time" she gave him a kiss and then left for her car leaving Eddie with a panic attack

********

She took a deep breath before opening the door to her house

"Hi Sweetheart how was school" her mother asked from the nearby kitchen

"Uh it was fine... Where is dad?"

"I think he is up in his studio. Why do you ask?"

"I have something I need to talk to you guys about" Ava walked up the stairs.

She entered the bedroom they had turned into an art studio for her father's work. He stood in front of his easel painting a landscape on a large canvas. The air in the room recked of oil paints. His arms and black tank top were splattered with colorful paint.

He noticed his daughter standing in the doorway and set down his palate turning twords her. "What do you need Ava"

"I want to talk to you and Mom about something"

"Ok I'll be down in a minute" he said grabbing a towel off the counter.

**********

They all sat in the living room waiting for Ava to speak

"Um I've been lying to you about where I've been recently... I've been seeing a boy and I really like him and I think it's time you meet him"

"Oh we already knew you were with a boy" her mother stated calmly

"What?!"

"he was very loud sneaking in" her father added in

"And your not mad?"

"No your a teenager, we thought that eventually you would intaduce us but not this soon"

"So can we have him over tomorrow night"

"Yeah sure"

"By the way Steve really doesn't like him like make up stuff about him doesn't like him"

"So that's why you're introducing him now"

**********

Eddie stood outside the door afraid to knock. He wore the only nice outfit he had a blue button up tucked into a pair of cackies. His hair was tied into a low ponytail hoping to try and hide how long it was. He practically doused himself in cologne to hide the smell of weed and cigarettes that always followed him.

He wiped his hands on his pants before ringing the doorbell. It wasn't long before the door was opened by Ava who quickly embraced him.

"Eddie I thought I told you to be yourself" she said seeing his outfit.

"I know it's just I want to impress them... I don't think your family would like you dating a metal head drug dealer."

"I mean I get the cologne but you do realize my father dresses like a metal head"

"He does?"

"Yes now let's get inside" she grabbed his hand pulling him in. "He's here" she called to her family. She dragged him into the dining room. She Plopped down on one of the chairs at the table. He sat down lightly next to her still holding her hand.

"So your the boy she has been hanging around with" Her mother said poking her head out of the kitchen. "Would you go up and fetch your father I doubt he heard you in his studio"

She quickly complyed with her mother heading up the stairs leaving Eddie at the table.

"Would you help me set the table?" She asked turning twords Eddie who stood up right away. He walked into the kitchen. "So Eddie where do you live?"

"Up at Forest Hills"

"The... Trailer park" she looked at him confused.

"Yeah" He grew scared they wouldn't like him just for being poor.

"Huh. I used to live there" she saw the very surprised look he gave her "It's crazy how much can change in a lifetime."

********

The dinner went off well. There were the standard are you good enough for my daughter question's. As soon as she was excused Ava practically ran up the stairs with Eddie following close behind.

Ep. 2

[microinamin]

Q: What should I eat after food poisoning?

A: Food poisoning is usually caused by bacteria-contaminated foods. Think: undercooked meat, eggs, unpasteurized dairy products, shellfish, and unwashed fruits and veggies. But it can also be due to eating foods that contain poisonous toxins, including certain mushroom species. Some of the telltale signs are stomach pain, diarrhea, vomiting, and fever.

The very first thing you want to do is throw away the food that upset your stomach in the first place so that no one else gets sick too!

A few hours after the onset of symptoms, you’ll want to try to reintroduce fluids to your system. Food poisoning can cause severe dehydration, which can lead to serious complications. Start with small sips of water, electrolytes/sports drinks, broth, or non-caffeinated carbonated drinks, which can help settle your stomach. Once you are able to manage some liquids, start incorporating small amounts of bland foods that are easy to digest and low in both fat and fiber.

My post-food-poisoning go-to foods include some chicken broth (to help with hydration and protein intake), saltine crackers, and occasionally a bubbly water. Once I’m able to keep that all down, I like to have an electrolytes drink and some chicken noodle soup.

I recommend keeping a few of your go-tos on hand to prepare for the dreaded occurrences of food poisoning. To cut down on your risk of getting sick from food at home, make sure to store your food appropriately and practice good food safety habits.

Most food poisoning cases subside within 12 to 48 hours. If your symptoms persist or if you experience blood in your vomit, a high fever, or lingering dehydration symptoms, you should seek immediate medical attention.

[steele-soulmate]

Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 565, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

WARNING: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, 69, P in V sex, blood, noncon rape, violence, death, vandalism, graffiti, attempted kidnapping, break-ins, wild animal attacks, terrorist attack (sabotage) consensual impregnation, bareback, impregnation kink, creampies, terrorist attacks (shootings) hit and run pedestrian accident, precipitous labor, neonatal death, abandoned baby

WORDS: 1158

When the four of us got back to the house again, Josh called for an Uber while Peter carried Sammi inside and put her into one of the guest bedrooms. She was starting to rouse from being knocked out for her MRI, and I knew that she would only be groggy and urpy for the rest of the day. I set a sealed bottle of water, a condiment cup with an Ibuprofen, the bottle with her medication, to be taken once every twelve hours for ninety days and an unopened sleeve of saltine crackers onto her bedside table.

I drew a blanket up over her drowsy form, smiling before leaving the room, turning the lights off and leaving the door partway open.

“Okay, Sammi bunny is completely out of it!” I announced as Mittens darted into the guest bedroom with a loud MEOW.

“Yeah, her doctor told me that for the invasive MRI scan, he had to sedate her,” Peter told me with a soft him, leaning over the kitchen island. “So what next?”

“I think she’ll want to look into who gets custody of Baby Noah in the event that she dies,” I hummed. “I know for a fact that she will not give him to his father regardless of what happens.”

“Ah, good point,” he nodded. “And now if you would kindly excuse me, I’ll go and do some research on the subject at hand sweetheart.” He pressed a sweet kiss to the top of my head before going into his man cave located in the garage.

I felt the rumbling of the garage door opening beneath my feet, and knew that Isabelle and the kids had arrived back at home again. Peter had gotten Isabelle’s junk bucket of a car up and running again, but had told her that it would only be a matter of time before it would go toes up again, that the next time, it would be for goodsies. Peter and Isabelle had been scouring FaceBook marketplace, looking for a study, reliable second handed car for purchase. So far, Isabelle had two cars in mind and was negotiating a fair price with the sellers. Peter and I would be paying for half of the cost, making the purchase easier for the almost twenty one year old family nanny and so that she could invest more of her funds into her schoolings.

“Mommy, mommy, mommy!” Katie cheered as she bounced up the stairs and straight into my arms with Elle and Jing in her arms. “Isabelle’s car stopped on the freeway and a bunch of bikers helped get the car started up again!”

“Yeah, my car had officially yeed it’s last haw,” Isabelle deadpanned, coming up with Baby Eve and Baby Jojo, Elizabeth carrying Baby Mattie and Baby Teddy. Baby Tommy and Baby Noah both came up the stairs on their hands and knees with their little dollie in their mouths. “A bunch of bikers helped get it up and running again to limp back home again.”

“Oh, that was nice of them!” I commented as the babies were settled into two baskets of washed laundry, which had long since become their official thrones. “Did you all say thank you to the nice bikers?”

Baby Tommy giggled as he made (what I could only assume) was his best attempt at mimicking motorcycle sounds as he galloped up to me.

“Did the motorcycles go GRRR GRRR GRRR?” I asked him, laughing as he popped an imaginary kick stand up before swinging his chubby little man leg over, mimicking a motorcycle.

Baby Tommy toddled into the sunroom to pull out his blocks and Elizabeth and Katie both took their seats at the kitchen island.

“Mommy here?” Baby Noah meeped, toddling up to me and throwing his arm up. “Mommy here?”

“Yes, your mommy and you will be spending a few weeks with us,” I told him, purposely being vague. “She had a doctor’s appointment today and will need to be watched closely. She is in good hands now.”

“Mommy, is Auntie Sammi alright?” Elizabeth asked me with a worried hum.

“Yes, Auntie Sammi is fine.” I hated lying to the kids, but I wasn’t sure of how she would address the tumor in her head. “She’s just really tired from being examined by the doctor. It would be best if we let her rest until tomorrow, okay?”

Both girls looked at me with squinted eyes that told me that they didn’t believe the little white lie that I just spoon fed them.

And before they could say anything, Baby Tommy came up to me and tugged on my finger.

“Mommy, mesies dollie needsies food!” he babbled, bouncing up and down on his feet. “Pleasies?”

“How do leftovers sound to everyone?” I asked, heading over to the refrigerator and opening it to start pulling out Tupperware and covered bowls. “I do think that tonight calls for a more laid back dining plan!”

The girls still looked massively unconvinced as I opened a bag and took out a slice of pepperoni pizza. I took a bite as I removed the last thing- a bowl of pasta and sauce and set that onto the kitchen island.

“Katie, can you please go tell daddy that it’ll be a fend for yourself kind of night for dinner tonight?” I asked her, pointing my lips at the cupboard to tell Elizabeth what she could do to help me.

“Anything you say, mommy…” Katie padded over to the back door, stuffing her feet into a pair of her bright yellow house slippers before disappearing down the stairs to do as I bided her to do.

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@rock-a-noodle

@ch3rry-c01a

[winningblog]

Delicious Shrimp Ceviche Recipe

Ceviche is manufactured a number of methods and based on what latin region the recipe originated from it will have many variants of your authentic recipe. This variance which i am expressing is the most popular simply because of its straightforwardness and readily accessible substances. Keep in mind that you can easily change this to some crab or seafood ceviche with the help of your very own unique touch of substances. I actually have made ceviche with crab, tilapia, abalone, oysters, clams and scallops....you are unable to go wrong!

Ingredients:

2 Lbs. Raw Cleaned Peeled Shrimp

3 Juiced Lemons

1 Tsp. Garlic clove Natural powder

1 Red Onion Diced

1 Handful of Fresh Cilantro Chopped

2 Cucumbers Peeled Diced

2 Ripe Avacados

2 Huge Tomatoes

1 32oz. Jar of Clamato Picante

Sodium And Pepper to Taste

Tapatio to Preference

El Perico Tostada Shells or Saltine Crackers

Directions:

Put the fruit juice of lemons, diced cucumber, and salt and garlic powder and blend right up until effectively integrated. Include your cleansed shrimp towards the marinade and mix with each other to cover the shrimp click here. Refrigerate for 25-30 minutes, the lemon or lime liquid will "prepare" and treat the seafood. In case you are apprehensive with this procedure you can even boil your shrimp until finally just pink and enhance the marinade for five-10 mins.

After marinating your shrimp you can include your reddish onion, cilantro and tomatoes. Chuck all ingredients together then include your Clamato Picante. Add more just enough to pay for all of your current ceviche. It is actually your decision whether or not you would like it succulent or drier. Leading with diced avocado and Tapatio chili to taste.