#which if we're being honest will never happen lmao

[heavenknowsffs]

Sorry for another vent post but here goes

[the-boy-meets-evil]

all roads lead back to you | c.sc (scoups)

(where you take an annual cabin trip with your friends and your ex decides to join this year)

pairing: ex!seungcheol (scoups) x f!reader genre: exes to lovers | angst, smut rating: explicit - minors DNI word count: ~10.6k warnings: these are exes and the relationship ended badly, but we're healing, drinking, midnight kisses, reader is mentioned as wearing a skirt & tights, making out, seungcheol picks reader up, body worship, slight nipple play, fingering (f. receiving), oral sex (f. & m. receiving), choking, cheol has a big dick (i don't make the rules), unprotected sex (they talk about it, but don't do this), multiple orgasms & overstimulation (f. receiving), aftercare

a/n: this is for @k-vanity's 25 tips for surviving the holidays. day 11 - cabin vacation. i'm not really sure what happened, something about scoups just makes me blackout and write too much (i only started this 2 days ago). also shoutout to @tbzhub for saying we'd do this together lmao. thank you to @gyuwoncheol, @wonwussy, & @wooahaeproductions for helping me land on cheol for this fic. also, just for fun, tagging some scoups enjoyers because i'm nothing if not a menace: @ugh-yoongi, @seungkwansphd, @wongyuseokie, @beomcoups, @horanghater, @cheolism

The holidays are usually your favorite time of year. Sure, they’re really hectic and there’s always way too much to do without nearly enough time to do it. But, you still love it. Love being around friends and family. Love how everyone seems to acknowledge that any problems can wait for the new year. This is a time for joy and happiness. A time to celebrate all the wonderful things that did happen and leave the bad in the year you’re leaving behind. 

This time of year also brings around an annual trip that you take with friends. A trip to a secluded cabin where you can all just disconnect. Where you can sit by the fireplace and read. Where you can go to the nearby resort to ski or snowboard. Where you can drink hot cocoa and swap stories and just enjoy the company without the bustle of the city. It’s one of your favorite weekends every time the holidays roll around. 

Not this year. 

This year, your friends decide that they want to make the group a little bigger and spend a long weekend, including New Year’s Eve, together. Which is great, you’re single and there’s nobody else you’d rather ring the New Year in with. Except for one problem. Your ex is also coming. It’s been a little over a year since you broke up, so you know it’s time to move on. Moving on feels a lot harder when he decides he’s going to come to the cabin weekend again this year. It shouldn’t really surprise you. After all, you were friends before you dated. Didn’t think anything could stop you from being friends after. Didn’t actually think there would be an after, if you’re honest. And you’re definitely not going to be the one to back out or admit you’re still not really over it. 

So, that’s why you’re sitting in a car with Wonwoo, Jihoon, and Mimi, headed off to the cabins that your friends booked for an extended long weekend. You’re just thankful that Wonwoo offered you a spot in his car on the way up. Makes it a lot easier. Even if it means Jihoon and Mimi are currently in each other’s space in the backseat as she shows him something on her phone. It’s not that you mind how cute they are together, it’s just still weird to see Jihoon acting like that with anyone. She seems to have waltzed in and melted any defenses he had.

From his position in the driver’s seat, Wonwoo reaches over to squeeze your thigh. You look over at him, grateful for the reminder that you’re not alone in all of this. Grateful that he swore up and down to make sure you never felt awkward the whole weekend. Maybe it won’t be so bad, you think, as you queue up more songs for the drive. That’s the best part about being in the front seat. You get to control the music and Wonwoo started the trip by telling Jihoon and Mimi just to roll with it. Not that they’re paying all that much attention, but it was a nice thought all the same. 

The drive up is uneventful. Wonwoo navigates the winding back roads with a practiced ease. You sigh happily, taking in all the trees dusted with snow and the winter wonderland all around as you leave most of your troubles behind. There’s something almost refreshing about being out here. Like the air is crisper and everything is stiller. Wonwoo would make a smartass comment about how there’s more trees, less pollution, and a lot fewer people. So, of course all those things are true. You think it’s more, something about the magic of Christmas and the New Year. 

Your smile falls the second you pull up to the main cabin because you can see that Seungcheol’s car is already there. Figures he would not only drive, but beat you there. You try to set that aside, though, because the place is beautiful. It’s set up with a main cabin where you can hang out, cook, play games, or do whatever you want. Then, there are separate small cabins, mostly just with bedrooms and bathrooms, to sleep in. Nayeon, bless her, took care of figuring out the sleeping arrangements for everyone. At least that would be easy. 

Jihoon and Mimi are out of the car almost as soon as it stops, even if Jihoon grumbles about how his legs are stiff and the air is cold. It takes one smile from Mimi and he’s smiling back, grabbing their bags from the car to head for the main cabin. Meanwhile, Wonwoo adjusts his glasses and makes sure everything is turned off before getting out of the car to stretch. When he meets you at the trunk, his gaze is soft. 

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” he asks. 

You sigh and pull out your suitcase, with a little help from your friend. “No.” 

“We shouldn’t have come,” Wonwoo says.

“Just because I’m being a baby doesn’t mean you should’ve stayed away,” you reassure him.

“You’re not being a baby,” he says with a frown. 

“Still,” you press. “We’ve been broken up for a year. There’s going to be a lot of people here, it’ll be fine.”

“As long as you’re sure,” Wonwoo relents. “He didn’t bring anyone, did he?” 

“No, Nayeon said it’s just him. She’s worried about me too,” you say with a playful eye roll. “She’s got me staying in a cabin with you, her, and Joshua.”

“I’m glad we’re at least staying together,” Wonwoo says.

“I’m gonna be fine, Wonwoo, you worry too much,” you insist. 

You get through the first night and breakfast the next morning without having to say a single word to Seungcheol. It’s been awhile since you last saw some of your friends, so there’s a lot to catch up on. The group is also pretty large, which makes it easier to blend in. Everything, even something as simple as making a meal, is kind of a process, too. You’ve always been pretty comfortable in the kitchen and offer to help cook. Seungcheol can’t say the same. It feels like maybe it’ll be smooth and you can just do your own separate things without it being a big deal. Like you can both just agree to give each other space during the trip and not be awkward.

That lasts until the afternoon on the first full day, unfortunately. 

Even though a lot of people take time off between Christmas and New Year’s, a decent portion of the group decides a Friday will still be less busy on the slopes. They want to get some runs in earlier in the day before whatever everyone wants to do later. Seungcheol, thankfully, was one of the first to say he wanted to go. Not surprising, you know he likes really anything where he can be active. Wonwoo was also quick to say he wanted to, after asking you if that was okay. You, again, insisted it was fine. 

You’re reading your book by the fire, periodically watching Jun, Nayeon, and Mimi play cards on the other side of the room, when Seungcheol comes hobbling back in. Minghao just behind him, scolding him for not waiting and ruining the peaceful atmosphere. 

“What’s wrong?” Nayeon asks, looking up from the game.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” Seungcheol says shortly.

“He rolled his ankle,” Minghao interjects. 

“Now you see why I stayed behind,” Jun says.

“I’m fine, really,” Seungcheol insists. 

“You should ice it just in case. And keep it elevated,” Minghao says as heads off to the kitchen. 

Trying to keep your face straight, you mark the page in your book and get up. All you want is for this to be as subtle as possible. But, Jun is also in the room.

“Where are you going?” Jun asks. 

“Oh, just back to my room to get something,” 

It’s a lie and you’re pretty sure they know it, but you also don’t care. You’re not going to stay in the room with an injured Seungcheol because he gets pouty when he can’t do exactly what he wants. This is going to be one of those times. There’s no way he’s going to be happy sitting still when he knows his other friends are still out on the trails. Especially when it’s such a minor thing. You hope that they all understand your decision to just let them deal with him and whatever he has to say.

When you feel like it’s been enough time, you venture back into the main cabin, portable charger in hand, for good measure. Not that you think anyone will ask what it is that you needed from your room, but it’s always a good idea to be prepared. Just in case. At first glance, you think the main living area is empty. That makes you sigh in a little relief. Not that you want to be alone when this is a trip for friends. It’s just nice to have a quiet moment in all the chaos. You think you’ll be able to get back to your book, at least for a little, until you notice someone laying on the couch. Not someone. Seungcheol. Quickly, you turn around, hoping he doesn’t see you. And it would probably work, if you didn’t bump into the corner of a table on your way out.

His head snaps up and swivels to look at you. “What - oh.” 

“Sorry, I was just leaving,” you say.

“Can you really not be in the same room as me?” he asks. He sits up so that he can look at you more easily.

“I’ve been in the same room as you plenty,” you point out.

“Not alone,” he persists. 

“What reason would we possibly have to be alone together?” you wonder. 

“You don’t have to be so…” he starts.

“So, what?” you press.

“So…like this,” Seungcheol finishes, somewhat lamely.

“How should I be?” you ask. 

“I don’t know, just, not like this. We were always comfortable with each other, even before…” he starts and stops suddenly.

“Before we dated? Before you shattered my heart? Before you decided it was easier to shut me out instead of just talking to me?” you ask, tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. 

“I know,” he admits.

“You just abandoned me,” you say quietly. “I needed you and you weren’t there. I never would’ve left you like that.” 

“I know. I made so many mistakes. So many things I can’t take back,” he says. He actually looks remorseful. You’re not sure if that’s better or worse. “I’m so sorry for that. I would take it all back if I could. I’d do everything differently.”

“This was a mistake,” you say.

“Talking to me?” he asks.

“Coming on this trip at all,” you admit and turn away. “I have to go.” 

With your back to him, you miss the way his face falls at your admission. Don’t see the way he considers getting up to follow after you. It’s for the best, anyway. Your heart's already breaking again just from one conversation. Just from seeing the emotion on his face. The one face you thought you’d always know better than your own. It’s amazing how everything can change in a single moment. How something that took years to build, first as friends and then as a couple, can all come tumbling down in a second. A split second or a fork in the road. One wrong turn and it’s all gone. 

You make it through to Saturday without any more forced conversations with your ex-boyfriend. Manage to sit on the opposite end of the table from him during meals. Wait until he commits to playing a game or watching something before you decide what to do yourself. Still, you feel very included in everything with different groups of your friends because there are plenty of people there to hang out with. If you take the forced conversation with him out of the equation, it’s actually been a pretty good trip, overall. Not nearly as hard as you expected it to be. 

“I’m gonna go check out the lodge at the mountain, anyone wanna come?” Wonwoo throws out. There’s a smattering of lukewarm responses. Mostly, people say they may hit the trails a little bit later after they’ve had a lazy morning.

“I’ll come,” you offer. 

“Shocking that you two are a pair,” Nayeon jokes from her spot on the couch, curled up with Joshua.

“That’s enough out of you,” you joke back before turning to Wonwoo. “I’ll go grab my coat.”

“Can you grab my hat? I think I left it in my room,” Wonwoo requests.

“Sure,” you agree. 

When you meet Wonwoo in the entranceway, you find your eyes back on the living area. Almost like you can feel someone watching you. But, when nobody is, you figure that you must have imagined it, not noticing the way Seungcheol’s jaw tightens or his mouth turns down in frown. He had just been looking and he wasn’t liking what he saw. Instead, having missed all that, you fall into step beside one of your closest friends and head out of the cabin.

“It’s not a far walk, but we can drive if you want,” Wonwoo offers, sticking his hands into his pockets.

“No, a walk would be nice. It’s not as cold today,” you say.

One of the best parts of being friends with Wonwoo is the sheer comfort you feel with him. It’s always been like this, since the beginning of your friendship. Always just as easy to say the hard things to him as it is to sit in silence. Always easy to avoid the hard things, because he seems to find it easy to to tell when you don’t want to say something. Unfortunately, it’s also easy for him to push you to speak, even when you’re not sure if you want to. Like now, as soon as you reach the Lodge. 

“Are you doing okay?” Wonwoo asks as the pair of you make your way over to a stand selling hot drinks. 

“I’m assuming you don’t mean from the walk over here,” you deflect while you look at the menu.

“No,” Wonwoo answers simply. 

“I’m fine,” you insist, stepping up to the counter. “Peppermint hot chocolate and whatever he wants.”

“You don’t have to…” Wonwoo starts, falling silent at the look you give him. He sighs, knowing you won’t relent. “Just a plain hot chocolate.” 

“Thanks,” you say as you pay.

“You’re not fine. I can see it on you,” Wonwoo says.

You pause when someone calls out your name for the order. “I really am doing fine. The only hard part was getting sucked into a short conversation with him yesterday.”

“What did he say?” Wonwoo asks. 

“Nothing much,” you say and meet Wonwoo’s eyes. You can tell you need to carry on. So, you recount the conversation as best as you can remember.

“He misses you,” Wonwoo surmises. 

“And if he does? What does it matter?” you ask.

“You miss him too,” Wonwoo points out. “That’s why it matters.”

“I don’t,” you argue. “He broke my heart.” 

“What happened? A year ago when you broke up, what happened?” Wonwoo asks.

“You know what happened,” you say with a sigh.

“No, I don’t. I know he left, somehow, but I don’t know what really happened. You’ve always kept that part of the story close to the vest,” Wonwoo says.

“Because it still hurts,” you plead. 

“Maybe it’s time you let someone else take a little of that pain by talking about it,” Wonwoo suggests. You find a table to sit down as you’re considering sharing.

Ultimately, it would be nice to get someone else’s perspective. To get someone who knows you both, and cares about you both, to weigh in on everything that happened. Even if Wonwoo seemingly took your side, you know he still talks to Seungcheol as well. With a steadying breath, you launch into the whole explanation, at least your side of it. It’s time, past time, honestly, that you get this off your chest.

It was great, at the beginning. The two of you were friends first, for years, before something shifted and you started to see each other differently. Suddenly stepping a little more carefully around each other. Not really knowing what to do or what to expect. Not sure if it would ruin the friendship to admit that there were feelings there. Until one day, Seungcheol finally made the move, asked you out on a date, and made sure you knew that’s what he was asking. It got very serious, very quickly. Far more quickly than either of you expected. But, that’s what happens when you start as friends. There are so many things you already know, so many things you don’t have to ask, so many memories already embedded into your relationship. Things were good. It wasn’t like they were perfect. There were little fights here and there, but nothing that felt that serious. Nothing that felt like a dealbreaker. 

It’s hard to admit, even to Wonwoo, that you saw Seungcheol as your forever. As someone you wouldn’t let go of once you had him. He was your safe space without ever being boring. Your protector without ever being one of those toxic assholes. Your biggest cheerleader without being condescending. It was way too early in the relationship to be feeling like he was your forever, so you didn’t ever say it to him, but you felt it. Felt it deep in your bones. He was also vulnerable with you in a way that he wasn’t with anyone else. At least anyone else that you’d seen. The first time he just let you take care of him, let you see him as something other than someone strong and in control, it made you fall even more deeply for him. It didn’t hurt that he nearly stopped your heart with how stupid hot he was. That gets a snort out of Wonwoo before you continue on. 

Suddenly, everything changed. Seungcheol withdrew into himself and stopped confiding in you. He could always be a bit moody, a little deep in his feelings. Still, he would always talk to you about it. Would always share with you what he was feeling. Sometimes it was something so simple as you getting a little too much attention, which he didn’t like. He could be a little jealous. It was something you worked on with him. Sometimes it was a conversation with a friend weighing heavily or something going wrong at work. No matter what, he always talked to you about it. Until he didn’t. Until he just stopped saying much of anything. Until he got a bit secretive with everything in his life and you didn’t really recognize him anymore. His phone was always turned over. Not fully paying attention to you when you were in group settings. Not making plans the way he used to.

“What did you do?” Wonwoo asks. 

“I confronted him,” you say. Simple. It was so simple. “I told him it wasn’t okay and that I deserved better. That we always got through things together and that we needed to get back to that.” 

“Mature of you,” Wonwoo says.

“I thought so,” you say and take a steadying breath. “He agreed, even. Told me that I did deserve better.”

“So what…” Wonwoo asks, but trails off. Obviously confused. 

“He said that it was too much. That he couldn’t give me the things I deserved. That I would be better off finding someone else who could,” you say and wipe away the stray tear. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know,” Wonwoo says. 

“I didn’t want you to. I didn’t want you to look at me like that,” you admit. “Like I was broken because someone didn’t want to love me.”

“You’re not broken,” Wonwoo insists softly, hand reaching out for one of yours. “You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. But it’s okay to admit when you need help. Or when you need a friend.”

“I know,” you sigh. “It’s just hard.”

“I know, but I’m here,” Wonwoo assures you. 

Saturday night finds Wonwoo and Seungcheol as the last two awake in the living room, finishing their drinks in relative silence. It used to be easy for Seungcheol, sitting with his friend like this. Yet, it hasn’t been, not in the last year since he broke up with you. Not since Wonwoo made it clear that they were friends, but he was sticking by you no matter what. Not that Wonwoo’s been cold or rude or anything. That would have made it easier, Seungcheol thinks. No, instead he’s been mostly the same. Still just as friendly and supportive. All it does is make him feel worse. Why can’t Wonwoo just say what’s really on his mind?

“How was the lodge earlier?” Seungcheol asks.

“Hmm?” Wonwoo asks, eyes seeming to come back into focus as they look over at him.

“The lodge? You went over there earlier. I was just asking how it was,” Seungcheol repeats.

“Oh, fine. We just ended up getting hot chocolate and talking. Kinda watched people coming and going from the trails,” Wonwoo says like it doesn’t matter. Maybe it doesn’t. 

“Are you two…are you…” Seungcheol starts and stops the question several times.

“Dating?” Wonwoo asks, taking pity on his friend. “No. She’s been single since…”

“I broke her heart?” Seungcheol supplies humorlessly. 

“I wasn’t going to say that.” 

“No? It seems like someone spending that much time with her would say that.” 

Wonwoo regards him for a second, adjusts his glasses like he’s buying time to think. “What happened? With you and her, what happened?”

“I’m sure you’ve already heard it from her.” The answer is short. Seungcheol doesn’t want to play these games, not with someone that’s so obviously close to you.

“I’m not asking to hear it from her. I’m asking to hear it from you,” Wonwoo presses. He’s insistent, but his eyes are soft. It’s easy to wonder if it’s time to share. 

“I got scared,” Seungcheol admits. “And jealous.” 

“Of what? Or of who?” Wonwoo asks.  Seungcheol takes a long sip of his drink and grimaces a little. He isn’t buzzed enough for this. Can’t really believe he’s entertaining sharing in the first place. But, well, isn’t this what he’s hoping for? Another chance?

“Of everything and everyone,” Seungcheol says. “She was so kind, so patient, so good to me. Good for me. Just the best person I’ve ever known. I just thought that one day, she’d wake up and she’d realize that she deserved more than me.”

Wonwoo shakes his head. “Why did you think that?” 

“I don’t know,” Seungcheol admits. “I guess, well I know I can be difficult. That I get in my head a lot. I know sometimes it’s hard to talk about what I’m feeling. She made a lot of that feel easier, which made me fall harder for her. But, then she makes a lot of people feel that way, doesn’t she? Like she’s the only one who will understand. I don’t even think I was the only friend of ours that had feelings for her. I just, I don’t know, it sounds so fucking dumb now, but I couldn’t compete.” 

“It wasn’t a competition, Cheol,” Wonwoo says.

“I know that,” Seungcheol insists.

Wonwoo fixes him with a stare. “Do you? She’s a lot of things, maybe a lot that make people interested in her. But, she chose you. She chose you and kept choosing you, every chance she got. I don’t think that ever would’ve changed.” 

“Do you want me to feel worse?” Seungcheol asks, voice rising a bit. “I already told her that I would go back and change things if I could, but I can’t.” 

“Do you still love her?” Wonwoo asks, voice so quiet. Yet, it carries all the same.

“Of course I do,” Seungcheol says.

“Then figure out a way to tell her,” Wonwoo replies.

“It’s not that easy,” Seungcheol says. “And aren’t you supposed to be telling me to leave her alone? As her friend?” 

Wonwoo rises from his seat. “It can be that easy, if you stop being your own worst enemy. And I’m your friend, too. It doesn’t seem like the chapter is really over for either of you yet.” 

Seungcheol sits and considers what his friend shared. Wonders if there might be something there. He barely registers as Wonwoo says goodnight and calls a goodnight in response. Then, he’s left with his thoughts again. Should he say something? Can he bring himself to say something? Or will you just shut it down again?

New Year's Eve brings a snowstorm with it that has your group of friends deciding it’s best to just stay in the cabins instead of venturing out to the party they’re having at the lodge. There’s plenty of you for a party, plenty of food, and plenty of warmth, especially close to the fire. The snow falls lightly outside the windows, blanketing everything around with a fresh layer of powdery flakes. It’s not supposed to get truly heavy until much later in the evening. So, you can just get dressed up and have a party with everyone that’s familiar to you. No worrying about mixing with strangers and how they’ll impact the party.

When you and Mingyu go into the kitchen to take stock of what you have and plan out the food for the day, you realize that maybe you don’t have everything that you need after all. You could actually use more food and you definitely could use some champagne to toast with. It makes sense, though, you planned to go into the lodge to ring in the new year. Your smile when Wonwoo, Jihoon, and Joshua offer to go out and do a run is immediate and wide. You hand over a list of what you need (well, you text it to all three of them just to cover your bases) and they’re off into town. That lets you turn back to the kitchen, where Mingyu and Mimi are starting on an appetizer. You’re trying to figure out what you can work on when someone clears their throat. Your heart skips a little when you look up.

“Could I talk to you for a minute?” Seungcheol asks you, face more open than you’ve seen in a while.

It makes your mouth go dry. How are you supposed to turn him down when he’s asking in front of everyone like this? Like it’s just a totally normal thing to ask? All you can do is nod and avoid looking at anyone else around you. Just nod and follow him into a smaller side room off the main living area. 

“Thanks,” he says when they stop walking.

“What was I supposed to do? Make a scene?” you ask. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know how else to ask you to talk,” he admits.

“I heard you,” you say, cutting across his words. He looks confused. “Last night? I heard you talking to Wonwoo. I left my charger in here and came back to get it.” 

“Oh,” is all he says.

“Oh?” you repeat.

“I wanted to actually tell you, not have you overhear me talking through things with someone else,” he says, mouth turned down like he’s upset.

“Then you should have just talked to me,” you press.

“I couldn’t! You won’t talk to me,” he says defensively.

“Not this weekend. A year ago, when it all happened,” you say quietly.

“I know,” he says. You expect him to look annoyed or defeated, but he only looks sincere. “I knew the moment you walked out that I fucked up and I’m so sorry. I’ve tried a hundred times since then to just talk to you, but the words never felt right.” 

“Cheol,” you plead. You’ve been waiting a year to hear this. Except, you finally feel like you’re starting to move past it all and this is only making it confusing. 

“Just, you don’t have to say anything, I just want you to hear me out,” Seungcheol pleads. “I know I have absolutely no right to ask you that, but I’m asking anyway.”

“Okay,” you say, barely above a whisper.

“I fucked up. I knew I did when you walked out, but it took me a while to realize just how bad. I didn’t just drive a partner away, I drove someone away that got through all my walls in a way nobody else ever has. I drove away the person that made me feel comfortable, that supported me even when I was being an idiot, that constantly showed up for me. I was afraid that I didn’t deserve you and always jealous of everyone else that paid attention to you. I thought one day you were gonna wake up and realize that there were better people out there that were less, I don’t know, emotionally closed off. I didn’t realize until way too late that you knew exactly what you brought to the table and what you deserved, but you picked me. I didn’t realize that it’s the only thing I ever needed, was you seeing all of me and picking me anyway,” Seungcheol says. 

“I don’t, that’s…” you trail off and shake your head to clear it. You’re trying to find the words when Nayeon pokes her head in.

“Hey, I’m so sorry to butt in, but Mimi just kicked me out of the kitchen. I was only offering because Mingyu said he needed help,” Nayeon says. “I think they need you.”

“Oh, um,” you start, kind of like a deer in headlights.

“You should go help him. I don’t want everyone hating me for keeping you from helping Mingyu,” Seungcheol says with a light chuckle at complete odds with the situation. 

“Thank you,” Nayeon says with a smile as she grabs your arm to whisk you away.

“Does Mingyu actually need me?” you ask.

“Huh? Yeah, he does,” Nayeon laughs. “I wasn’t trying to save you, you’re good enough at that on your own.”

“I don’t buy that,” you say, pulling both of you to a halt. Nayeon rolls her eyes.

“Fine, maybe I heard what he said to Wonwoo last night from Joshua and maybe I want you to at least consider what he has to say,” Nayeon admits. “I liked you together, sue me.”

“I just might,” you grumble, heading off to help Mingyu in the kitchen without Nayeon in tow.

After dinner, you and Mingyu insist that you’re not getting anything, for anyone, for the rest of the night. And probably into tomorrow. Mimi got distracted part way through and disappeared for entirely too long with Jihoon. Which would be fine, but there were a lot of people to cook for and you needed all the help you could get. Joshua popped in and out, thankfully, but it was still tiring. The perk has been that you actually haven’t had to lift a finger since. Your drink stays full and someone is always willing to get you something to eat. That lets you settle in to play a game with the group.

The TV in the background steadily counts down as it gets closer to midnight. Occasionally, the performance draws your attention to watch. Mostly, you’re just drinking entirely too much. Somewhere, in the deep recesses of your brain, you know that you’re just trying to avoid thinking about everything Seungcheol said. Or trying to avoid thinking how good he looks tonight. It’s hard to stop yourself from lingering on the way his shirt clings to his chest. Has he been working out even more? Or the way his pants stretch tight across his thighs. Not for the first time, you shake your head to clear it, recross your legs, and focus on whatever game it is you’re playing. Ignore the look Wonwoo gives you from his place next to you. He certainly hasn’t missed your looks. (And nobody else really has, either, except for Jun. But, that’s just Jun for you.)

Everyone sets aside the games when it gets closer to midnight, milling around with varying amounts of energy instead of sitting still. You realize, even with any awkwardness from Seungcheol being there, you can’t think of anyone else you’d rather ring in a new year with. Surrounded by all of your favorite people, what else could anyone ask for? Well, except maybe a New Year’s kiss. As if on cue, your glance drifts over to Seungcheol. It’s a little surprising to find he’s already looking at you, smiling softly. It sends a surge of emotion through you to think of all the reasons you fell in love with him in the first place. When you turn away to take a sip of your drink, you find it’s empty. With midnight rapidly approaching, you really need a refill on the champagne. You’re about to go do that when a voice breaks into your thoughts.

“Here,” he says.

You turn to look at Seungcheol, now very firmly in your space, holding out a new glass of champagne. “Thanks.”

“I just noticed you were almost empty and figured you’d want it,” he offers.

“Yeah, I should make sure this one lasts,” you chuckle out.

The host on TV announces that there’s only a minute left. Everyone around you starts talking excitedly or getting closer to their partners, if they have them. Jokingly, you told Wonwoo that he would be your New Year’s kiss. Now, that’s the last thing on your mind. Seungcheol hovers close by. When you look over at him, though, his eyes are on the TV, counting down along with the host when it gets to ten seconds.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” 

Everyone shouts together and starts clinking glasses. Hugging their friends or kissing their partners. Your body makes the decision for you when you turn to the man next to you and cheers his glass. As he starts to turn away, you grab his arm and pull him into you. Press your lips against his before either of you can figure out what’s happening. He recovers from his surprise quickly and wraps his free arm around your waist to pull you against his chest. It’s familiar and also somehow completely new at the same time. 

Breathless. That’s what you feel when you pull away and cheers with other friends. You throw your arms around Nayeon and press a kiss to Wonwoo’s cheek. Pointedly ignore any looks or raised eyebrows about your decision to kiss your ex in a room full of all your friends. It’s fine. Everyone is doing fine. You’re definitely thankful that someone suggests a game and you can all go back to celebrating without talking about the elephant in the room. A very different elephant than when you first got to the cabins. 

There’s another massive difference, too. Instead of sitting on the fringes or carefully leaving space, Seungcheol plops down right next to you. Lets his arm rest along the back of the couch. His arm isn’t around you, but it could be with the slightest adjustment. Several of your friends look at you with the question in their eyes. You avoid all of them, like the true adult you are, and focus, instead, on the warmth of Seungcheol’s thigh when it presses into yours. Actually, you avoid drinking any more, either. The whole night has been a little confusing (read: a lot confusing) and you don’t need an alcohol haze adding to that. It doesn’t escape your notice that he stops drinking as well. 

When you start to get a little tired, you excuse yourself to the kitchen, claiming you need a snack and don’t know what you want. A minute later, Seungcheol appears on the other side of the island. Leaning casually against it like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Like he hasn’t sent your entire world into a spiral. Like he’s not still one of the hottest people you’ve ever seen in your life.

“So, uh, I don’t wanna assume anything…” he starts and you hold up a hand.

“I’m going to excuse myself in a minute to go to bed. Give it a few minutes and then come to my room,” you say, walking around him without waiting for a response. 

When you tell the group that you’re going to turn in for the night, you do your best not to meet anyone’s eyes. You’re not naive enough to think you’re fooling anyone. Not that you even want to. It’s just, well, you want this time to figure out what’s happening. It’s a little hard to do that when you know everyone’s eyes are on the two of you. There’s the tiniest bit of you holding onto the hope that you can pass it off as you being overwhelmed by the kiss at midnight. Like you didn’t just tell him to meet you in your room.

Back in your room, you shrug off your jacket and sit down on the bed. The seconds seem to drag by waiting for him to show up. For a second, you wonder if he’s actually going to show up at all. You stop those thoughts in their tracks. He had a lot to say and he kissed you back. Then, he spent the rest of the night pressed up close to you. He’s going to show up. Before you can spiral further, there’s a knock at the door. You’re halfway to the door when it opens a crack and Seungcheol peeks his head inside. 

“Can I come in?” he asks, looking unsure for the first time since before you kissed him. 

“I did ask you to come to my room,” you joke.

“I was a little surprised,” he admits.

“Me too,” you agree. 

He shuts the door behind him, allowing you to really look at him for the first time all weekend. To take in his appearance, as he removes his jacket, without any other eyes on your. Or anyone analyzing the interaction. To just appreciate the man you fell in love with. His hair is a little shaggy and blond, a color you don’t remember seeing on him before. He catches you looking, but instead of a smirk, there’s only a smile. Hopeful and genuine. It’s a little overwhelming to have him in your space. To know you need to talk. To know there’s so much to work through.

Instead, in the only move you can think of, you close the distance, wrapping your arms around his middle. He doesn’t even miss a beat. Just wraps his arms around you, erasing any last bit of space between you. It feels calm, familiar. Like no time has passed. Like you’re not different people now. He kisses the top of your head, so soft you think it might shatter any resolve you have left. 

“I’m sorry I kissed you in front of everyone without talking to you,” you mumble into his shirt.

“I’m not,” he quickly reassures you.

“I really fucking want to kiss you again,” you admit, still talking into his shirt rather than looking at him.

“Then,” he starts, moving a hand to tilt your chin up, “what are you waiting for?” 

“We probably should talk,” you say.

“You’re right,” he sighs.

Except, do you really want to talk right now? Do you really want to stop yourself from kissing him again? You stopped drinking so your head would be clear enough to make this decision. You’re just a little sick of overthinking everything this weekend. Sensing the indecision, Seungcheol presses a feather light kiss to your lips. Enough to make the decision, while also being light enough that you could easily pull away. 

You do, just for a second. “Fuck it, let’s talk tomorrow.” 

Your lips crash back against Seungcheol’s, hungry and desperate, arms wrapped around his neck. It makes him tilt down a little so that you can press against him. There’s no hesitation on his end, either. You find yourself wondering if he was always this good at kissing or if he’s gotten better since you broke up. Or maybe it just means more the second time around. When he picks you up, you gasp into the kiss. Wrap your legs around his waist to feel a little steadier. Not that you think he would ever let you fall. It’s easier than you expected to fall back into this kind of trust with him. 

It’s like you both want to go fast, yet also take your time. Seungcheol deposits you on the bed, then takes his time removing your shoes. Toes his off a little more quickly. You go to remove some of your layers, only to have his hands stop you. He’s so slow, removing the sheer top with painstaking care. Kissing along your skin as he exposes it. The amount of attention makes you squirm. You’re prepared for something quick and dirty. Something more like a one-night stand. You’re not prepared for him to worship your body as he exposes more of your skin. Part of you feels really exposed, because he’s still fully dressed, as he carefully unhooks your bra. The way he looks at you, like you’re the only person in the world he’s ever wanted, makes your heart ache. Makes you second guess if this is right. 

“We can stop. We don’t have to do this,” he whispers into your skin. 

You grab his face so that you can look him in the eyes. There’s something in you that just needs to gauge him for a minute. Needs to really know what decision you’re making. There’s so much love there, so many unspoken words, so much sincerity. Maybe you’re not over him at all. Maybe he meant everything he said.

“No, I want this. Want you,” you assure him. 

His eyes sparkle a little. There’s no time to dwell on it, though. His mouth is on your skin again. Kissing the spot on your neck that he knows drives you crazy. Kissing the beauty mark on your shoulder. Kissing across your collarbone. When he works his way down to your nipples, he’s not being so soft anymore. He pinches one between his fingers without warning.

“Fuck, Cheol,” you hiss. 

“Too much?” he asks. You don’t need to look at him to know he’s smirking, but you do anyway. That knowing smirk sends desire coursing through you.

“You’re such a little shit,” you whine. 

He pinches the same nipple again. Watches you as he flicks his tongue over the other. Actually smiles when you arch into his mouth. “You don’t seem to mind it.” 

You wind your hand into his hair in response, pull a little harder than normal. He groans against your breast, sending a little vibration into your skin. “You don’t seem to mind a little pain, either.” 

There’s no answer. Not that you need it. One of his hands moves down your body, mouth still focusing on your chest, until he gets to your thigh. Your skirt is bunching up around hips from squirming on the bed. “How much do you like these tights?”

You look down at the sparkly tights you bought just for the party. That you’ll probably never wear again. “I mean, they’ve got sparkles. Wasn’t planning to wear them again.” 

“Good,” he says. 

You’re expecting him to rip them on the spot. Instead, he returns his mouth to yours, kissing you hard, and lets a finger run over your entrance, through both tights and underwear. It’s not enough. There’s entirely too much fabric in the way. He’s teasing you, he has to be. There’s no other reason that explains this kind of torture. 

“Jesus, Cheol, please,” you beg. 

“What are you trying to do to me?” he groans. Seems like he still likes it when you beg for something.

In either case, he carefully rips a hole in your tights, too focused on you to figure out pulling them down. Seemingly in one motion, your underwear is pushed to the side and he’s got a finger running up your entrance. Feeling that you’re turned on from the way he’s been kissing all over your body. Thankfully, you don’t have to beg again. At least, not yet. He presses his fingers at your mouth and you suck them in eagerly. Swirl your tongue around them. He almost looks reluctant when he withdraws them to press one inside your cunt. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet for me,” he groans. 

“Forgot how good your fingers felt,” you answer, squirming underneath him.

“Bet I could make you come just on my fingers,” he says as he adds a second one.

“Fuck,” you draw out. He’s not being gentle with you anymore. “Then you don’t get to taste me. And we both know how much you love that.”

He leans in closer, you’re assuming to kiss you. Instead, his lips find your ear. “Who says I can’t do both?” 

You bite down on your fist to keep from screaming out when he thrusts faster. Try your best to hold on when his thumb brushes over your clit. All you want is to prove him wrong. Prove that you can hold on and that you’re not putty in his hands. Except, your body remembers. It remembers just how good he makes you feel. Remembers how well he knows what makes you crazy. Nobody has ever known your body like him. And it’s a little annoying. With his fingers inside you, it’s easy to realize that nobody feels as good as him. You could never get yourself off like he could.

It’s an embarrassingly short time before you’re coming on his fingers, fighting not to scream out. Trying anything you can not to make it more obvious just why you decided it was time to head to bed. Seungcheol guides you through the high as you fall back into the bed, sinking deeper into the mattress. After a moment, you prop yourself up to watch him remove his shirt. You’re no longer the only one that’s overexposed. Then again, you don’t feel exposed being half naked around him. It only feels comfortable. Once he removes his shirt, he moves back to your body. Actually takes the time to remove your tights and underwear now. His breath ghosts across your cunt. That action alone is enough to send a little shiver through your body. You’re definitely sensitive. 

Seungcheol positions himself between your legs and looks up when you suck in a breath. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

He’s so pretty like this. You’ve always thought that. Pushing his hair out of his eyes and looking up at you from underneath his lashes like he’s never seen anyone more beautiful in his life. So caring. The little bit of caution you get from him in the middle of him ruining you. You clear your throat to remember he asked you a question. “Yes, Cheol. With you, always.” 

It’s immediately more honest than either of you are expecting. Instead of breaking the moment, though, it seems to spur him on. The kind smile dissipates into something much more confident. He spreads you open and looks up for a last time before his tongue licks a strip up your entrance. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since the last time he was between your legs, your entire body remembers. It’s like muscle memory. The way your back arches. The way your hand knots in his hair. The way the praises fall from your lips. You’re sensitive. So fucking sensitive. And he knows. It’s always been one of his favorite things with you. Pushing you to the edge and then over again.

“God, I forgot how fucking good you taste,” he says when he takes a breath. 

“Well maybe, fuckkkk,” you start before cutting out. 

For once, he’s not a demon. He doesn’t ask what you were about to stay. Just keeps alternating between fucking his tongue into you and sucking your clit into his mouth. It’s too much and not enough all at once. Your entire body feels like it’s on fire. When his nose bumps against your clit as he’s buried deep in your pussy, you lose it again. Come all over his tongue and his face. Come harder than you remember coming in a really long time. If he notices, he doesn’t say anything. 

By the time the last shock works through your body, he’s laying next to you on the bed. You can’t help it. You have to lean over and kiss him. Want to taste yourself on his lips. It’s almost like you need that to know this is all real. That it’s all happening and it’s not just some weird, horny dream. (It’s not like that would be a first, either. You’ll never admit it, but you’ve thought a lot about him since you broke up. Especially when you were horny and needed a release. That’s your business, though.)

“Fuck, Cheol,” you utter when you pull away from the kiss.

“I’ve missed hearing my name on your lips,” he admits. “Specially when you call me Cheol.” 

“I’ve missed saying it,” you share, equally honest. 

You’re a little weak already. It’s hard to imagine what tomorrow is going to be like. But, you move down the bed anyway. Seungcheol tracks you with his eyes as you position to undo his pants. He moves his hips up to help you pull both his pants and briefs down. His stare as you pull your skirt down and discard it at the side of the bed is almost possessive. It sends something through your body. 

It’s your turn to remind him that he’s not the only one who remembers. You also remember just what drives him crazy and just how to get him going. You remember every place he likes to be kissed. So, you start there. Run your lips along every part of his body, like you’re committing him to memory again. As if you could ever forget anything about him. You delight in the sounds you pull from him just with your kisses. Maybe he knows, though, that you’re working your way down. 

“So hard just from getting me off,” you comment. 

“Because I know that nobody can make you come like I can and it’s fucking hot,” he answers.

It’s the same answer he’s always given and something about the familiarity makes you bolder. Even though you know there’s a conversation for tomorrow, it feels like the easiest thing you’ve ever done. You take his dick in your hand, run a finger over the tip and feel a little bit of the precum there. When you lick a stripe up the underside of his shaft, he shudders. Closes his eyes for a second before they snap back open to watch you. He’s always been like this. Always wanting to watch. This time is no different as you slowly take him into your mouth. You know he wants to fuck into your face, know you’d let him. But, you’re thankful he doesn’t. Even if you remember, he’s still big and thick inside your mouth. You need the time to get used to him. Once you do, though, you start to bob. Slowly, at first, before you let him take control. Relax your throat and let him find purchase in your hair. Encourage him to jerk his hips up as you keep your eyes on him as much as possible. You know how much it drives him crazy, even as the tears form and you gag a little 

“Fuck,” Seungcheol utters. 

He pulls you off his cock and up to his face so that he can kiss you. This is your favorite version of him. When he’s needy and desperate and completely putty in your hands. Like he can’t possibly imagine being anywhere that you aren’t. It’s when you know that you’re not crazy, that he’s just as far gone for you as you are for him. 

“I really need to fuck you,” he says. His lips are swollen from kissing you and his pupils are completely blown. “Fuck, I don’t have a condom on me.” 

“It’s fine, I’m still on the pill and I haven’t been with anyone since you,” you say. 

That seems to catch him off guard. “You haven’t?”

“No,” you answer.

“I haven’t either,” he admits.

“Then, we’re fine. I trust you,” you tell him. 

“Thank god, I really miss being inside you,” he breathes out.

“Think you just miss me,” you grumble as you reposition to straddle his lap.

“You and that smartass mouth of yours,” he retorts.

“I’m about to ride you, Seungcheol, and you just fucked my smartass mouth. So, maybe, pipe down,” you warn him.

This has always been your dynamic, swapping back and forth for who’s in control. As much as he says he likes control, you know he likes giving it up to you just as much. You know that he hasn’t ever let anyone else be in control apart from you. He looks up at you as you position yourself over him. There was a time when you hated this position. Felt really self conscious about how you must look from this angle. The second you admitted it to him, he was quick with his praise. Assuring you that you’re beautiful to him and there’s nothing to worry about.

He stops you before you lower yourself onto him. Puts his fingers in your mouth again and you obey without a second thought. Then, he runs his fingers along your entrance. Slides a finger in before quickly adding a second. It’s an awkward angle, but you get what he’s trying to do. Appreciate that he wants to make sure you’re at least a little prepped. When he pulls his fingers out, you’re only a little embarrassed at the moan that slips through your lips. If you completely ignore the smirk that he throws your way, well, who can blame you? The smirk is gone a second later when you finally lower yourself onto him.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groans. 

You know him so well. You know his instinct is to buck his hips up into you. You know it’s hard for him to let you adjust. But, you also know that he wants to be gentle, even if it’s just for a moment. 

“I forgot how good you felt, jesus fuck,” you moan out. 

“Please, I need to feel you move,” he begs. It’s nice, when he’s the one to beg for something.

And who are you to deny him anything he asks for when he sounds so pretty asking? You do move, entirely too slowly. You need to find your rhythm, though. Need to find some place to anchor your hands. They settle on his chest, at first, and you actually can’t believe how much muscle he has there. He’s always liked to work out. Always wanted to be in shape. This is even more than that. You’re still appreciating the way his chest feels when he grabs one of your hands. Without a word, he moves it to his neck.

“Are you sure?” you ask.

He nods. It’s been awhile since you choked him, even lightly, but it turns you on. It’s easy to see that it turns him on, too. As you apply a little bit of pressure, his fingers dig into the soft flesh of your hips. You do everything that you can to pick up the pace. To move faster on top of him. It doesn’t take very long until he’s planting his feet so that he can set the pace. He takes over the rhythm and it gets a lot harder. Bodies slapping together with each movement.

“Fuck, Cheol,” you say, trying not to scream. 

You move your hand from his neck so that you have a better grip. He’s moving too fast for you to feel comfortable that you won’t press too hard into his neck. It’s insane, you know that it’s insane, but you already feel like you’re getting close again. You start to clench around Seungcheol, making the stretch feel that much more intense. 

“Fuck, baby, I’m gonna come if you do that,” he groans. 

“Then do it,” you force out. “Wanna feel it inside me.”

“Jesus,” he groans. 

Everything happens so fast. You can feel him everywhere and your body is on fire. He’s still fucking hard into you, but he’s also rubbing your clit. Helping you get there with him. Somehow, he doesn’t seem to realize you’re already on the verge of your third orgasm. Oversensitive and overstimulated. Your body starts to shake and it’s hard to keep yourself upright on top of him. 

“Fuck, Cheol, I’m coming,” you hiss out. 

“I’m about to come too, fuck,” he answers. 

His thrusts get a lot more erratic and you feel him let loose inside you. You feel the way he moves to try and support you even while he’s working through his own release. When he stills, you collapse forward onto his chest. Breaths shallow and heavy. Your whole body’s exhausted, yet so happy at the same time. Carefully, you pull yourself off him. You’re sure a little bit of cum slides out with the loss of his cock inside you. Not that you care. 

It’s several minutes of silence. Seungcheol lays on his back and you’re on your side next to him. It might be a mark of how much he really did miss you that he doesn’t flinch when you start tracing patterns onto his stomach. It’s not like you just stop being ticklish. Eventually, you realize you need to get up. The last thing you want is to go to bed crusty. 

“Come on, I got lucky and I have an attached bathroom,” you say when you get up off the bed. You reach a hand to him and smile when he takes it without question. 

It’s quiet again as you help clean each other up. A comfortable kind of quiet. The way it used to be. This is another favorite of yours with him. Aftercare has always been his thing. No matter how rough he is with you in bed, he’s impossibly gentle when he cleans you up. It makes your heart ache a little because you’re so fond. It’s a weird mix of feelings.

“We should sleep in my room tonight,” he says. 

“We’re already here,” you point out. 

“With sheets that are probably soaked,” he teases back. 

“What are the chances we can get to your room without being seen?” you wonder. 

He shrugs. “It’s late. Probably better than the chances nobody heard us.” 

Your cheeks flush a little. Sure, you definitely tried to be quiet. You’ll have to wait until the morning to see if you succeeded. 

“Come on, my room has a door to the outside,” he says. 

So, you follow. You put your layers back on and grab something to sleep in. And you don’t actually see anyone before you’re safely tucked away in his room. That night, falling asleep tangled up in Seungcheol, is the best night of sleep you’ve gotten in a long time. 

Morning comes and brings with it the need for an actual conversation. As you stretch in bed, you appreciate the soreness in your body with a smile. Anything you’re feeling now is surely worth it. That is, until you realize you’re in bed alone. Dread creeps in. Could last night really have meant something different to Seungcheol than it did to you? Did you just make a massive mistake? You’re starting to wonder if you’re only going to break your own heart this time, with nobody else to blame, when the bedroom door opens. Seungcheol steps inside with a thermos and a bag that looks like it might have some of the pastries Wonwoo brought back from the store yesterday.

“You’re awake,” he says with a smile. He sets down the thermos and removes his jacket to hang it up. 

“I was worried you’d left,” you admit when he finishes taking off his shoes and sits next to you. His face looks hurt for a second before it settles. 

“No, I just went to get coffee and figure out what we were walking into before you got up,” he says. 

“And?” you prompt. 

He pulls out a pastry and hands it over. “Nayeon asked where I slept last night and if I knew where you were. I don’t think she heard anything, but who knows with her? Wonwoo wasn’t in the main area, so I don’t know. They said they all knew I was following you, though.”

“Guess we can’t really avoid it,” you joke. 

You’re expecting him to smile, too. Instead, his face is serious. “Do you want to? Avoid it, I mean.”

It makes you serious. Maybe a little too honest. “I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“I don’t expect you to believe me, not right away, but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you,” he says and takes your hands in his. “If you give me another chance, I’m never letting you walk away from me again. I’ll prove that I’m worth everything you give me.”

“You’ve always been worth it, Cheol,” you tell him. 

“I realize that now,” he agrees. “I also realize it’s up to you to know what you deserve and what you want. That wasn’t ever my decision to make and I’m really sorry for doing that to you.”

“It hurt, for sure, but not having you around hurts so much worse,” you admit. It’s hard to meet his eyes, even though you know you’re safe. 

“It hurts so fucking bad. I hate it. Last year was the worst year of my life,” he says. 

“You got a massive promotion, though! Wonwoo told me,” you say. 

“This is going to sound so cheesy, but I’m done caring. That promotion didn’t mean shit without you being there to share it with,” he shares with you. 

“I guess we’ll have to celebrate it this year,” you say. 

His face lights up. “Really?”

“I want to give us another chance. I don’t think either of us are over it,” you acknowledge. “Last night aside, I want to take it slow. I want to take our time instead of rushing in like we did the first time around. I want to get it right this time.”

He nods immediately. “We can go as slow as you want. I mean it. I’m not letting you go again.”

“Good, because I don’t think we should wait to see if the third time’s the charm,” you joke. 

“I’m glad I came this year,” he says as he grabs the thermos. 

“Me too,” you agree. 

It’s funny, you think, how someone can feel so familiar and yet so new at the same time. Seungcheol feels like home, like your favorite sweater, or like curling up with a book by the fire in winter. But, he feels entirely new, too. Like maybe you both changed over the past year. Maybe you both grew into the people you needed to be to love each other better. To love each other right. Later, you’ll have to break the bubble and face your friends. Right now, though, you can just appreciate that this silly little cabin trip brought you peace. 

this was a lot of fun to write and i hope you liked it 💕

[rin-hanarin]

I realized that I've never addressed the elephant in Lucanis's room, also known as his romance plot, as a "Had been delusional about him for months before release" individual, so here's a surprisingly long rant/summary of how I felt about it in the process of playing the game.

As a Rook de Riva player, I obviously loved "Coffee with the Crows": we met Illario, joked about haha three Crows talking about nothing, talked business, Rook and Lucanis had a nice moment getting to know each other better outside of being teammates, Rook de Riva's background was acknowledged again, it really felt like a nice bonding moment, right?

Thennn a whole lot of nothing happens during any of the conversations between them, huh. Lucanis doesn't acknowledge flirting, which is fine, take your time bud, you'll get there; you keep pushing being supportive, he ignores you, you deal with his personal stuff for him one (1) time, and in my case he then proceeds to ignore Rook for 10+ hours of pure game time while busy talking to Neve at every opportunity until I finally get one (1) dialogue option to "express romantic interest in Lucanis".

And let me express my honest innermost feelings on the matter:

Not only did it feel like Lucanis genuinely couldn't care less about Rook even as a friend, it also felt like Rook was forcing Lucanis into something he simply wasn't interested in and that we were just getting in the way of his relationship with Neve. It was genuinely unpleasant to experience in a videogame that is supposed to be wish fulfillment and whatnot, and let me tell you, it was especially jarring because Dragon Age games also have a tendency of occasionally making you feel like the most special little protagonist known to Thedas, at the very least to your companions who you're supposedly building bonds with.

I loved hangout events in this game, too, I was so happy to just have these conversations about whatever with companions, have these little one-on-one moments with them that genuinely felt like walks with friends (especially with my bro my bestie my homie Davrin), and with Lucanis it started and ended with the coffee date. His fears and doubts about Rook later are never addressed, and lol lmao even, yeah, why would they be, when it feels like he barely acknowledges Rook exists outside of accompanying him to deal with his problems, none of which need Rook there? There's no reason outside of gameplay for him to ask Rook and not, say, his favorite Neve he talks about everything to? Somehow a lot of times when I hoped for any sort of dialogue with him, I was met with him talking about something very personal like his current feelings about Illario to Neve, like, isn't Rook supposed to know anything about anything, or are we just his convenient weird coworker he sometimes asks favours from?

We persevere though and keep supporting Lucanis, and can you take a wild guess what was waiting for me after like 40 hours of the game and after the infamous "kabedon assassin style" scene? Yeah bro, Lucanis just happened to talk to Neve. I wish I was making this shit up. My coping strategy was to come up with an entire jealousy subplot for my Rook because if I have to feel like I'm in the shittiest unrequited situationship of a triangular shape, I might as well do it on my own terms, right? It feels petty and stupid because as a player I like Neve, too, she's one of the coolest (no pun intended) characters, but as Rook, and Rook de Riva making an obvious choice especially? Yeah, let's just say this relationship fucking sucked for a while.

So after many trials and tribulations we're finally back with Inner Demons, and yeah, Neve is there again, I couldn't even give a shit at that point, and I'll be real here, the locking in didn't feel like we went through angsty slowburn or that we earned Lucanis' trust. Remember DA2's Fenris situation? Because I suddenly did, and surely one of many, many Neve banters I had to eavesdrop on could be sacrificed to have one or two banters that acknowledged Lucanis's anything towards Rook at all?

Also, Spite? Spite seemingly likes Rook more than Lucanis does. In between "It's so over" and "We're so back" in the Fade Ossuary it feels like somehow Rook gets more bonding time with Spite, which is kinda crazy to me.

We are so back though! As I mentioned, I was a "delusional before release" individual, I am perfectly capable of filling the gaps and extrapolating meaning from implications, and here's where one of the most infuriating things is: the rest of the romance is good, too! I can write whatever the hell I want between the beginning and the end of it, but like, why should I? How should I go about it, when in my game I was under the impression that Lucanis would rather just spend time with anyone other than Rook for seemingly no reason in particular, because there's simply nothing there? The fact that none of my pre-release ideas or comics even necessarily contradict anything about Lucanis or his romance as it is now is more telling than impressive honestly.

So where do I land with this exactly? Well, mostly in the glorious Fanon Land where I've been making my silly comics the whole time anyway. The highs are high, I love what they did at the end and how stable, protective and devoted Lucanis is, but the lows made me salty as shit and I wish I didn't have to feel that way to begin with. I wish I didn't have to connect the dots and joke about how badly Lucanis sucks at this and "Let's go girl give us nothing." And yes, I know about writer lay-offs, rewrites, restarts, etc etc, and it's a miracle that this game came out at all, but it hardly matters when you're just trying to do the good old datesim part of a Dragon Age game and end up feeling like a third wheel while trying very hard to get anything out of the character you're interested in.

[ofswordsandpens]

just finished episode 6…. truly don’t know how to feel about these changes. would love to know your thoughts bc i’m just kinda baffled by some changes tbh

Mixed feelings as always:

Percy's dream slapped. I loved Kronos's actor. It felt perfectly eery. No notes.

No percabeth late night convo on the truck. This doesn't surprise me given we sort of did that on the train already, but now there's just another iconic book moment that we'll get bits and pieces of, but never actually get to see in its entirety/original setting.

I did vibe with the glass prism tool for the iris message and it was pretty cool. The Percy + Annabeth argument was great but I'm gonna be honest, Luke being like "you're arguing like an old married couple" was laying it on a tad thick to me idk idk. I know I'll probably be in the minority there lol but I think it would have liked the line better if Percy and Annabeth got more embarrassed to his statement but they both reacted to it like :/ so it just felt heavy handed on the show runners part more than anything

Lotus Hotel vibes? Lackluster. Uninspired. It just didn't capture that outrageous paradise for kids feeling from the book because they turned it into Hermes' hangout so there's a whole bunch more adults than kids. Basically felt like if you took the movie's version and turned down the energy of it by a mile lmao. (Which is also ironic given RR's post about it today).

And of course the kids immediately know what's happening so like. No fun mystery. No Percy figuring it out. Just them being like "omg we need to be careful" and then immediately separating from Grover lmao.

Okay. LMM's Hermes.... it wasn't bad. Thankfully there was no singing. He was fine. It's more or less that turning the Lotus story line into a Hermes' storyline was like an "okay, I guess we're doing this" thing. I mean I guess we finally introduced something for the non-book reader's to pick up on that Luke might not have the best relationship with his dad (and consequently the gods). But like, nothing about this storyline is something that isn't introduced later on in the books. Nor was it better or more interesting than the original lotus storyline in the books.

Again, its the constant replacement of everything fun and silly and absurd in the book and turning it into a very serious moment, is just like, killing the energy. Seriousness is good. Silliness is also good. The book balanced it greatly. The show struggles here.

Glad we got a Pan mention tho!! Finally!

But um 4 pearls, so no dilemma about who to save. A part of me is relieved because the show's created like 3 other sacrifice convo scenarios so its gotten bit reductive, but Sally being a part of the equation is an entirely different dynamic and now that dilemma is theoretically gone. (unless he loses one of the pearls?)

And Percy's missed the deadline?? Right?? So like? I really don't know what we're doing anymore. In the book the deadline was pretty strict lol. Here I guess the deadline was like, a loose suggestion? Percy's walking into the middle of the god's battle field with master bolt in his hand? Idk.

Overall things in the show feel messy and way less cohesive. They seem to know that certain things from the book are important but not necessarily why, or they'll introduce events or plot points strangely late or way too early.

[derangedanomaly]

Wait since we're asking about kinks now- what are all of the guys and the stars kinks? Do they have any lol? I'm genuinely curious

*rubs my hands together* This one's gonna be a ride. 😈🙏🏻

Nah- without jokes now lol. I need to cleanse myself after this lmao. DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE ANYTHING REGARDING SEX.

TW: NSFW CONTENT, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!

Chaos

I can imagine Chaos being a family kinda guy. Like, family probably means A LOT to him, so I can definitely see Chaos having a breeding kink. Something about his partner's belly being full, because he got them pregnant does a lot of things to him.

Chaos is never the type that chases for his own pleasure, I really think that he'd prioritize what you want, when it comes to having fun in the sheets. So I can see him doing fingering/blow job to his partner. He's the type of guy that loves to praise the shit out of you, but also playfully kinda degrade you. Like- he'd probably say something like, "Oh...your doing such a good job for me...what do you think would happen if the others found you drooling all over my cock? What would they think of you?" Followed by, "....Would you like to find out?"

Since Chaos is into having a family, I can see him also having a daddy kink. And along with this all, I can for some reason, also see him being into Katoptronphilia, which is a fascination with mirrors, or more specifically, watching yourself in a sexual situation. So I think that Chaos would make you watch yourself in the mirror, while fucking you from behind.

Nightmare

I've established before that Nightmare's into master kink, just calling him anything that gives him a sense of power is enough to get him hot. (Master, King, Sir,...)

But between all this, I can also see him being into Impact play, this involves hitting or being hit with an object in a safe and consensual way. Nightmare wants to feel that he's always in control. So he'd 100% whip you with a whip or just slap you anyhow. He'd probably also be pretty rough, just to show you that he's the one in control. Speaking of control... Orgasm control is also a thing he'd be SUPER into. But he's a giant asshole too, he'd be SO unfair when he'd use a vibrator or anything else on you. He WON'T let you taste that sweet sweet release at all. The only thing I'll say...is dirty talk. And he's really good at it too.. He could probably make you come just from his words alone.

Ace

Ace is pretty much a sub. It's pretty easy to drive him into submission, because he doesn't NEED to be the dominant one in a relationship. He's just happy he even has a partner to be honest. But I can see Ace being a sadist. Just you hurting him anyhow drives him nuts probably. Because he's the stronger one, he's the one that holds more power than you, so the feeling of you actually landing a hit on him has him weak.

Cuckolding is also a thing that he IMMENSLY gets off of. This a kink or a fetish is the act of being turned on by watching your partner get it on with someone else. He feels a little guilty about actually liking this, but he can't deny it.

Blade

Is anyone really surprised when I say that Blade's into knife play? Blade enjoys the thought of running his sharp, bloody knife along the curves of your glistening body. He also pretty much gets off of seeing you covered in blood. Really anything that's connected with blood or knives, he likes it. I do not recommend telling him that you're on your period. He'd eat you out if you did. Never probably stopping until you'd pass out. Even if someone would barge into the room, he WOULDN'T stop. Not at all.

Blade also degrades you VERY MUCH, he LOVES to tell you stuff that makes you embarrassed while he's pumping you from behind. He's also into Voyeurism, which is the sexual interest in or practice of watching other people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or other actions of a private nature. He 100% hides somewhere in your room just to watch you get undressed. The thought of you not knowing he's there only makes him more and more hot.

Ted

Ted promised himself that he'd never engage in sexual intercourse ever again after the accident where he lost his virginity, so you would have to build a LOT of trust with him for him to do that with you. He's like- "Sex...?....Ew....."

But I can see Ted being very careful with you, treating you almost as if you were made from glass. After all, the last time he did go....rough.... VERY rough... he killed the woman. Shockingly. And he cares about you, he doesn't want to kill you with his ginormous size. :(

I think that Ted's the type of person to be VERY gentle and kind when having sex. As for the kinks, I don't really think he cares that much when it comes to it, because he'd do anything you ask him to do, except for the things that would hurt you in any way. He truly does NOT want to hurt you.

NOTE: I wanted to write the Star Sanses too- but It was SO much that I lost motivation to write any more. I'm so sorry!

[mitraoki]

Um I’m not sure how many characters you take but can you please do jealousy HCs for Nanami, Sukuna, Toji, and Gojo? Thank you Mun ☺️

when they're jealous. (jjk x gn! reader)

note; hi hi anon!!!! thank you so much for requesting!!❤️❤️sorry i didn't specify how many characters you can request for, but it's all good!!! already updated the rules for better reference. for now i'll only work on three, and when i'm more confident i'll begin writing for toji <3 hope you understand!!🥺 have a good day/night🥰

yes requests are open! thank you all for the love and support so far!!!

cw; slightly suggestive! sukuna being sukuna

masterlist.

nanami kento

+ nanami trusts you a lot actually; if he's going to be in a long-term relationship with you, he needs to be able to trust your judgements and decision-making in any trivial or personal matters. i feel like he desires to be able to have open and honest communications with you. it's not because he's extremely insecure either; he tends to be blunt with his actions as we already know. 

+ he's the ultimate silent jealous type. his fingers rap against the table quickly. his eye twitches a little. he straightens his posture. he doesn't want to go in guns blazing because you haven't showed any signs of discomfort yet. he keeps yelling at himself to trust you but OH MY GOD he CANNOT STAND the fact that someone else is standing inches away from you. you seemed to be leaning further back, and that was his last straw.

+ a familiar hand settles around your waist. you hadn't realized that your shoulders tensed up for so long until you felt your boyfriend's half embrace around you. the slight panic slowly dispersed when you  when you whiffed the addictive scent coming from the figure next to you. nanami grazed his lips lightly against your ear as he asked, 'want me to show you around? just you and me, of course.

+ now the situation has different ways to end up in - either the person he subtly glared at understands the context and backs up before they get questioned, or this person tries to gain your attention once again, which might result in his blood boiling further.

+ he's more than willing to vouch for you if you feel a little insecure at that moment. probably something along the lines of, 'i think we're done here.' i can also see a scenario where he makes sure you're away from the person, and then he puts them in their place. 'i'm letting you off this time. but do anything to my partner and this would not be the last time we'd meet.'

+ but say if you tell the person to back off, his heart is doing loop de loops. he is on the floor. on his knees. melting into a marshmallow as we speak. he's so in love with you.

+ 'were you jealous, 'nami?' 'oh i just happened to catch them messing with you.' try as much as you can and he will never admit it <3

gojo satoru

+ where do i even begin with this man.

+ being with gojo already means dealing with his fame frequently, and having him as your boyfriend is - you can say - pretty challenging. though he ensures you don't have to feel the pressure he undergoes too. he wants you to understand that he did end up being with you for so many reasons. 

+ you feel like home to him. sure he's been around, trying to find someone he could date, but to have ended up with you made him feel content. when he's around you, he does not have to put up any kind of facade to make you happy. he doesn't have to use his abilities in front of you, he doesn't feel like he's being used as a weapon either. 'only you've seen the weakest parts of the strongest jujutsu sorcerer,' he has claimed once. having all of that said, this man does NOT shut up about you. he talks about you to anyone he can find. his students 100% have heard so many stories about you already, trust me.

+ gojo is. the cocky (?) kind of jealous. THIS man would go in guns blazing, either bluntly or indirectly, no in between. he executes it perfectly too; so that you wouldn't be annoyed LMAO

+ LITERALLY anyone can make him feel like his guts are churning. when you're cuddling animals and he's praying he could be cuddled the same way too (he loves being small spoon). kids huddle around you and he wishes he could be a kid all over again. his mouth is foaming with envy. gojo is feral. the first time you've seen him spring into action was when this person cannot leave you alone for a goddamn second. they kept trying to grab your hand, which you couldn't tolerate.

+ without any warning, gojo just swoops in between you two, kissing you long and hard. 'ravishing as ever, my love,' he chuckled, pulling away. 'is that my favorite flavor?' he asked, pressing his lips together.

+ 'mm. it is. now, where were we...?' he whips his head to face the person bothering you earlier. he MAKES SURE he has his arms around you before saying, 'should i introduce you to my partner? oh. hate to break it to ya, but they're taken. try again, buddy.'

+ enjoys it if you ever did the same with anyone who's trying to hit on him too. would definitely make out with you after (/▽＼)

ryomen sukuna

+ extremely, aggressively, would kill someone for you type of jealous. sukuna is not afraid to admit that to you, or anyone around him. he finds it fun too - having you all to himself and no one else.  the possessiveness and power he holds is undefeatable. yuuji just wonders how did he manage to get you at this point -

+ this type of behavior probably originates from the time where he had a lover, but they were taken away from him too soon. fearing for the worst, he's gonna do everything he can to keep you safe. i feel like despite you reassuring him nothing of that sort would happen, he will continue to do what he knows is right - protecting you. he loves aggressively. that's how he has always seen it. in his dreams he's sitting on his throne, cradling you, keeping you close to his chest. a solemn oath to not let anyone take him away from you.

+ before he had learnt (from you) to trust you more, there was a time where he realized how annoyingly close a sorcerer was to you. surely you didn't plan on cheating on him with someone like that, right? 

+ with the rage fueling up within him, he was practically teleporting to where the two of you were standing. seconds before he was about to rip the person's head away from their body, you screamed, grabbing his hand. 'what do you think you're doing?!!'

+ 'what? i'm not gonna let some whiny punk take you. you really think i'm not up to your standards?' he looked over to the person in his clutches. 'you have some nerve, thinking you're better than me.' huffing, you exclaimed, 'sukuna. they meant no harm, and i already told them off. before things here get ugly, let them go NOW.' 

+ you think this man felt guilty? no. dropping the person on the ground, he walked up to you. 'they tried to reel you in, didn't they? you really think i'm gonna shut up about that?! what happened to-,'

+ 'god, LISTEN! yes they were. what do you think i told them, sukuna?' your hands landed on his chest, pushing him away. 'oh,' he first said, followed by a longer 'ohhhh'. smirking, he inched closer to you. you could feel his nails digging through your fabric and you could've sworn they left holes (to which he didn't, he just loved holding you tight). 'told 'em i was yours, huh.'

+ '....don't you dare try and chop heads off just because they were trying to ask me out. i'm not that naive,' you looked away. of course this man knows when to make you feel all giddy when you didn't need to. 'you hear me, ryomen sukuna?'

all created content belongs to mitraoki. reposts/remakes are not allowed.

[danieyells]

I have a memory span of a goldfish so I probably forget if someone has written about something related to this topic or not... but excluding Taiga who directly mentioned the topic to us, why does it seem that only Tohma and Alan are the only ones shown so far to know/talk about the existence of the spy and actively searching for them? I can only theorize that they were only being made aware of the spy's existence because something happened in Vagastrom that was caused by an unknown party and it probably directly/indirectly worsen the situation during The Clash... but it still made me curious why they were never seen communicating with ghouls from other houses about the spy even in subtle/discreet manner (either because they don't want to alert the spy or still aren't sure where the spy came from...?) and why none of the other ghouls seem to notice the oddity/draw their own conclusion and do their own investigation? (unless it is just... never being shown yet to us on-screen so we're left to believe that only Tohma and Alan and Taiga are the ones who know about the spy hjhdjdjdjdjdjfkl)

There's also this question about what makes Tohma and Alan trust each other/believe that neither of them are the spy himself... but I'm not ready to (over)think about this question so I will just believe that being a Vagastrom and (probably) forging their friendship through fistfights has created unbreakable bonds between them that can't easily be destroyed by mere existence of an unknown enemy 💪

So far we haven't seen anybody else talking about the spy, no! To be fair we haven't really found out who they would be spying for. . .they're trying to defame the ghouls as a whole but they're one of the ghouls themselves. . .to be fair we've only seen so many conversations between the ghouls without the PC present--and most of them seem concerned about their personal lives and missions more than any sort of greater plans.

It makes sense for Tohma--he has big plans that involve changing the Institute. Of course he's aware of the spy. And Alan is someone he probably trusts more than anyone. Alan is blunt and honest and straightforward--he couldn't run an operation intended to damage the reputations of the ghouls or be a spy or anything, he's just not built for it as a person--which also means he's vulnerable, I think. So he needs him to be aware for his own safety. And like you said, for characters like them I think a bond forged with bare fists is a bond that can't be broken lmao. He can trust Alan not to talk, even if he can't trust him not to let on that he knows something. But also Alan's reputation is already a mess. The likelihood that the spy would get too close to him feels slim to none to me. Just. Too big and obvious of a guy overall.

Taiga has his possibly stigma related Awareness--so if he just. . .knows, that also makes sense. He even says "do you wanna know who it is or keep letting them fool you" which tells me that he already knows and he's just not telling. He doesn't have to look for the spy, he's waiting to see what happens. He's looking out for himself and Romeo. Maybe the pc and Ritsu now too.

Also I feel like Tohma's interactions with Haku and Rui are supposed to be implicit of the spy situation, especially when Leo says someone(most likely Alan and Tohma?) are meeting near the "gross forest"(Obscuary, probably.) and there's Rui who can obscure himself in the shadows and admits to keeping an eye on people. . . .

But I assume that Tohma doesn't trust others with it at the moment, not until he knows for sure who the spy is. And everyone else is far too busy running their houses and living their lives to notice whatever Tohma and Alan noticed(or they simply don't question it or they accept it because 'whatever, our reputations sre bad anyway, how much more damage could someone else do?' or 'we're graduating soon anyway' for the third years, and they're probably not nearly as reliable in Tohma's eyes? I mean think about who all the other second and third years and captains and vice captains are. Not really the most trustworthy bunch with a delicate situation, especially if it's possible that they could be connected to the spy.

I imagine we'll learn more whenever we get back to Vagastrom or Frostheim!! But I think the spy situation is gonna have to be addressed closer to learning about the Clash. And I feel like we haven't quite gotten there with everyone yet, so we're a ways off.

On the other hand, Ed has a home screen line to the effect of "the ghouls are rioting again? They're so energetic. Anyway i was watching a youtube video." and next chapter is Obscuary so. . . . . . . . . . .

[myymi]

wrote this in three hours cause my other angst fics aren't close enough to finish so it's not as good as it can be but i wanted to put the imagery in everyone's brain lmao

happy broken bond sunday everyone <3

Sonic and Tails were angry.

Which isn't entirely unusual for them during fights, Knuckles notes as his fist collides with another motobug.

But this time it was different.

This time, they were angry with each other.

Knuckles has heard about them fighting before, but this is the first time he's ever seen it happen. It's such a surreal, unthinkable situation and yet it was happening right before his very eyes.

The usual witty banter the brothers would shout to rile up their human nemesis was completely gone, replaced by a silence that hung heavy with anger as the destroyed badniks in a much more aggressive manner. (Knuckles didn't think Tails could ever get more explosive than he was, but he was very quickly proven wrong today.)

Eggman seemed to notice the change too, unsurprisingly. He kept poking them about it, curious about their silence.

Knuckles, while not one to usually mediate fights, tried to get some information. But when he'd ask them, he'd be shrugged off with a grumble.

It was a little worrying, to be honest.

Knuckles freezes when there's another explosion, but this time accompanied by a loud yelp. He turned to the sky, eyes searching for the little fox that was handling the buzzbombers just in time to watch as he fell.

Smoked trailed him, and Knuckles quiet prayed that the way it looked like it was coming from the kid's tails was just a trick of the eye.

But before the echidna got to even think about running to catch the fox, a blue of blue shot through the air, taking Tails with it.

Sonic was behind Knuckles a second later, trusting him to provide cover as he looked over Tails’ injuries.

But as soon as he was put down, the fox pushed his brother away. “I'm fine.’

“No, you're not.” Sonic argued, wrapping a paw around the youngest’s arm to drag him closer again, “Stop acting like this.”

“Leave me alone, Sonic.” Tails frowned, trying to tug his arm back. “Despite what you think, I can take care of myself.”

“For the love of Chaos, Tails, really?” Knuckles’ brow furrowed as listened to the quiet argument. What happened between them? “You're being dramatic.”

“That's so ironic coming from you of all people.” The kit argued back, rolling his eyes.

“In case you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of a battle right now, Tails.” Sonic leaned down to be at eye level with the little fox, “We don't have time to deal with this tantrum.”

“Because that's all it is, right?” Tails grumbled, pushing the hedgehog away. “All you ever do is deal with me, huh?

“If you would stop being a brat every time I do something you don't like then I wouldn't have to deal with anything, would I?” Knuckles could feel his expression morph in a mix of shock and anger. What had gotten into these two?

When he turned around to check on his brothers, he could see how Tails’ eyes were shining with tears. Knuckles never liked it when the fox cried.

Sonic didn't seem to fully understand what he said until he saw the expression on the youngest’s face. His eyes immediately filled with regret as he processed his own words.

Tails sniffed and scrubbed at his eyes, backing away when Sonic reached out for him. “I'm so sorry adopting a mangey child wasn't the happily ever after you were hoping for, Sonic.” Is the last thing the kid said before turning and flying back into the battle.

“Tails, wait!” Sonic shouted after him, but heavily groaned when he realized the kid wouldn't listen to him. He ran a paw down his face as he stared after his little brother.

“What happened between you and the kid.” Knuckles demanded more than asked, roughly turning Sonic to face him. This is the first time he's ever seen the hedgehog make Tails cry and he wanted some answers.

“It's been a long morning, okay?” Sonic sighed and shook his head. “I'll explain more later, but I gotta go apologize to–”

Sonic's sentence was cut off by another, much louder explosion than the previous ones.

The teenagers turned to find the source of it, their eyes widening as they watched a building collapse.

And Tails was nowhere in sight.

“Tails?!” Sonic screamed, speeding over to the destroyed building to search his brother. Chaos, please let the kid be okay.

He could hear Knuckles not far behind, also calling out for the fox, but he didn't care. His full focus right now was finding Tails, he didn't care about anything else.

It didn't take long to find him.

Or– it didn't take long to find most of him.

Tails was unconscious. Thick streams of blood spilled from a gash on his head where his left ear was supposed to be. His left arm was also missing, the hole at his shoulder gushing out more blood.

And, oh Chaos, how long is the pole impaled through his chest? It's so close to his heart. It didn't pierce it though, right? It couldn't have. Sonic can lose Tails. He was going to be fine, right?

Sonic pushed down the rising nausea, dropping to the fox’s side to cradle his head with one paw as the other searched for a pulse. He was muttering to himself, pleading with someone to keep his brother alive.

His gloves were quickly staining red as his paw frantically felt around the kit's body for some sign of life.

His panic grew when he couldn't find anything. It had to be because he was shaking, right? There's no way Tails is– he has to be fine.

“Sonic.” The hedgehog stilled at his name being called. He didn't look away from his brother's body though, even as a tear fell from his cheek. How long has he been crying? “Let me see him.”

The teen shook his head. He couldn't step away and let someone else take his place, Tails needed him.

Knuckles stepped around him, wincing at the sight of the little fox. He kneeled down to check for a pulse, but he knew he wouldn't find anything.

Tails was a strong kid, but there was no chance at surviving being impaled through the heart.

Sonic had leaned down to press his forehead against Tails’s, whispering a million apologies to the kid.

Knuckles closed his eyes and took a deep breath before turning to look at the hedgehog.

The younger met his eyes, a deep plea for the echidna to tell him his brother would be okay.

“He's gone.”

[valeriianz]

For the fic writer asks:

4. Obviously you did research for BitB. I'd love you to ramble about it if you like I'm sure you've got STORIES

5. Did you outline it?

7. How'd you decide it would be Hob's pov?

25-27 I'd love to know a/some favorite lines, details, and any lore you might want to share

omg TJ what wonderful questions! thank you!! this is going to get LONG!

4: Rambling about research!

do you wanna see a screen shot of my bookmarks under my "band au" folder?

man, and that's only what could fit on the screen.

there is... SO MUCH i chose to ignore for this fic. ideas that i had to drop, lines or extra details about the other band members equipment. more logistics, what Lucienne actually does, what Mervyn has to put up with as the new touring stage manager... i realized very early on that i couldn't possibly cram all this (super cool and eye opening) information into the fic and still keep reader's interest and, most importantly, to not stray away from the fact that this is a dreamling fic. whenever i felt myself getting carried away with a side character or job or even social media numbers, gossip, outside POVs, i had to reign myself in and get back on track. there will be time for exploring everything i missed in side stories after BitB is finished. i just hope i still have the energy to write it all.

once, i was so deep into research that after publishing chapter 2, i went into work and when my chef asked what "GA" meant on my prep list, i answered with full confidence, "general admission."

(it means "get ahead.")

the worst part of this entire writing process is im still learning new shit. i havent rewatched or read a lot of what i've saved because, to be very honest, i was feeling a little burnt out. it's why we're kinda full steam dreamling now. it's why ive been glossing over a lot of technical stuff and being vague about conversations amongst the crew/not including it at all. i don't prefer ignoring my research, but at the end of the day i want to still enjoy writing this fic and finish it. even if i can't be as descriptive and detailed and nuanced as i used to be.

5: Did you outline the fic?

(also asked by @hardly-an-escape!)

i wouldn't call what i have a proper "outline," it's more like a 20k word document filled to the brim with notes that i skim at least a dozen times while i'm writing a new chapter (being in my brain is literally hell). i live multichapter life very dangerously. i copy and paste lines or sections (always scattered, never together! augh!) that are meant to go together and plop them in a new document titled "band au ch.#" and then i structure the chapter around what i want to happen.

but to answer this question in the plainest of terms: yeah. i know exactly what's going to happen up until the very end. even if its all in my head and the only concrete shit that's written down are beats/plot points. i'll figure out the rest later!

7: How'd you decide it would be Hob's POV?

i actually never even considered writing it from Dream's POV. this was my first fic in the fandom (which is so nuts to think about lol) and writing in Dream's POV sounded so scary lol. i also just thought Hob's would be easier because i have worked a few backstage shows, back in my college years. i figured eh, i can make this work. and i loved exploring how weird and mysterious musicians can be, from a normie's POV. making Hob a fan first and having him worry about developing a parasocial relationship... it was fun to explore.

25: Share your favorite line

oh god, i have so many haha.

“What are you thinking about?” starting in ch.2 and onward lmao

“It’s–” Dream laughs quietly, bitterly. “I don’t like change.” He says each word with emphasis, eyes trailing down to fixate somewhere past Hob. “And I still hold onto the things I can control, like my instruments–” his eyes swing up to regard Hob apologetically. “Or my clothes or my–” he brings a hand up and wiggles his fingers around his head. “My hair.” ch.4

"His majesty is pleased." ch.5

“You are obsessive,” he states, slow and cool and with a quiet smile cracking through his composure. “Just like me.” ch.7

“You look good.” Hob has to lean in to say so, unwilling to raise his voice amongst the roar of the fans. ch.11

“Del looks like porcelain, but she’s actually made of steel.” Desire swirls the contents of their glass before pushing their shoulders back with a deep breath. “She's tougher than all of us.” ch.11

“Everything. I want…” his fingers tighten in Hob’s hair, pulling him closer, speaking against his lips. “…Everything.” ch.14

26: Share your favorite detail

how intentionally coy Dream behaves. i love keeping him a mystery and deciding when and how much to allow his intentions to peek through has been so fun lol.

Despair is in fact covered in tattoos and piercings! i say this because i feel like sometimes i forget lmao. (but also her and Hob don't interact much so. my bad haha).

Delirium's constant explosion of color in the way she dresses <3

Hob's dedication to his job, Dream, and the people he cares about the most. i don't care if people think i'm making him too soft and good, im gonna project on that man and make him a sweet, sweet simp lmao

and ah, this doesn't matter anymore, and i kinda regret doing it but. i originally had Dream's favorite bass all black but the pickguard was white. so it actually looked like Jessamy. not gonna lie when @designtheendless drew it all black i decided i liked it better that way. and truly i do. that's when i went back to ch.1 and changed it haha. to actually see the guitar with Dream, all done up sparkling black and purple flecks... gosh it's just so him. but then i got up to the reveal that the guitar's name was Jessamy and i was like, "oh, right." lmao. no one seems to care so i'll leave it be.

27: Share a piece of lore you made up for the story

i have a lot lmao. and this post is already so long... im hoping i can get to some if not all of it in side fics in the future. but for now, here's some that's more like headcanons but:

Dream hates flying. he can full on go into panic attacks on the plane if he allows himself to get into his own head.

this was mentioned briefly in ch.4, while Dream was discussing the formation of the band, but Despair was in another band before joining Endless. she is the only character in the fic who gets to keep her English roots (lol sorry) and is the oldest in the band (30).

all of the band members ages: Dream, Desire, and Death are all 28 and Delirium is 22.

Dream can experience subdrop after going too hard during a performance.

Dream paints his own nails, it's very therapeutic.

as an exercise, i explored my own headcanons for Dream in this verse in a word doc, and one thing i will share from it that you might find interesting: If I were to ever give Dream a theological values, I would describe him as a satanist. He is a physical and pragmatic person, nonconforming, and although he is introverted, he enjoys being a part of a community (he loves his band).

also found this in my notes: How Desire and Dream got along was Death making them fight it out. Hob raises an eyebrow “like in a brawl?” He couldn't imagine Desire throwing hands. “No, in a pillow fight that escalated in hair pulling and verbal taunts.”

fic writer asks

[doughliciousfrosting]

I have a question, because I made a headcanon about it; and I don’t mind sending you water you answer.

How or would Splinter (2012) ever get a friend, how do you see that dynamic working?

Srryyy I think this is super totally late too emm... BUT I'D LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS!!! In all honesty I feel like splinter getting a friend would be SO SOO unlikely. He's pretty much a hermit post mutation and pre-mutation it didn't seem like he had any friends. BUT LOW PROBABILITY DOESN'T MEAN ZERO !!! If we're being honest I think the best candidate for 2012 splinter probably would have been usagi!!! They both take their roles (as ninja/samurai) very seriously and they're both pretty intense in terms of responsibility. If I could pick someone else though I would have loved to have jack kurtzman (the conspiracy theorist guy) be splinters friend!! I think they could compliment each other well tbh they're both paranoid as hell lmao but in different ways!! Kurtzmans paranoia is of the unknown and splinters is of past experiences. I think that they could've had a symbiotic relationship in which splinter talks to kurtzman about his life (pre and post mutation) and kurtzman informs splinter of the human stuff that's happening in the surface. I feel like his information would be invaluable bcuz April and Casey are pretty clueless as high Schoolers about government/legal stuff and such. I think Kurtzman (or a friend in general) would have been good for splinter!! He's similar to Leo in the sense that he thinks he needs to bare the burden of being in charge all on his own without confiding in anyone. With Tang Shen I think the next person he'd be willing to share his woes with is probably Leo which is unfortunate bcuz Leo's only a child. So Kurtzman could be a really awesome alternative!! They rlly coulda helped each other out. Ty for the ask this got me thinking abt a possibility I never considered before!! :3

[chaifootsteps]

So Raph finally, once again, straight up admitted he's not an SA victim.

I have to give him credit for being honest. Lying about SA (which sadly does happen and I know people don't want to think about it, but it does happen) is a very disgusting thing to do. Like Viv lying about Raph being an SA victim!

What I can't him credit for, is putting his fetish material in a fucking show made for millions on Amazon Prime with no trigger warning.

Raph said that he could practice his kink safely and privately with other people. That would be totally fine and cool, if he didn't put his fetish material in a fucking show made for millions on Amazon Prime with no trigger warning.

He boarded Poison. He choreographed for it. His dialogue from his fucking Valangel rape comic was used in the scene. Viv clearly has a noncon/rape kink. She wrote and directed it. Which, again, would be fine if she didn't put their fetish material in a fucking show made for millions on Amazon Prime with no trigger warning.

It's extremely disgusting to have 2 people who have not been SA'd (Viv has not publicly come forward about supposedly being SA'd herself, and is now straight up liking posts saying you don't need to have trauma to like certain fetishes. Hmmm.) write and board a scene and plot like this. I know Sam Haft said he was a victim (and if that's the case then I am truly sorry) but he also said he wanted Raph, who clearly has issues and has a fetish for this (and also sexually harassed a 15 year old child) to come back to twitter. Also, what the fuck was that tweet about Fizz being a "baby slut"? I've seen Viv like particularly cutesy art of Fizz that's um... pretty gross and borders on fetishistic a lot of the time (mainly wearing children-esque clothing and acting cutesy). You can't have someone who clearly has issues to work in a professional environment.

I'm into noncon and have read hundreds of fanfics like ep4. It's clearly a noncon fanfic with a massive budget. Jesus Christ, I write fanfics like this, but I at least tag and rate everything and always state in my notes that I don't condone the actions of SA. And when I saw ep4... it's clear to me what it was.

Amazon needs to get this show pulled. It's insensitive and frankly sickening to a CSA victim like me, who also happens to be into noncon.

There's nothing wrong with practicing kinks with partners and keeping what you like behind closed doors, but it's another thing to disregard victims and survivors all for the sake of your wank off material that's being broadcasted to millions of people (with no trigger warning).

Oh, and then singing an extremely insensitive song about how if you're SA'd, that you're not unique and to continue to be a "coked up dick sucking ho!" That's right, you're a loser baby! A whiny fucking loser for being raped and abused! It's all your fault, you fucking moron! But hey, I have a gambling problem so we're both losers and we can eat shit together!

Seriously... how the fuck aren't people pissed about that song??

Also, Raph sexually harrassed a 15 year old child and Viv victim blamed the child.

How is this woman still a professional showrunner? Why hasn't she fired Raph? (Oh wait because she said she wouldn't on Threads lmao) Why aren't more people outraged?

The rose colored glasses need to come off at some point, people. Your objectively shitty demon shows aren't worth it.

This.

Viv and her cronies are bad news from a professional standpoint, a marketing one, a decency one. They sprung a rape fetish scene on their entire audience and then laughed in the faces of the survivors who criticized it. They don't deserve a platform, and never did.

[neenerisms]

enough rambles has gotten me to this point and the time has passed. the bear s4 wishlist right now.

(quick note these all dont have to happen in the same plot LMAO. its more of a "if at least ONE of these things happen, i'll be happy!" thing)

i'm starting this out on a rough foot: carmy and syd argument. it has to happen. i was serious about that when i said in a previous post. in each other's faces and everything. i need us circling back to the s1 vibes right now.

add on: this argument needs to be what prompts syd to leave. i need that whole crew seeing carmy as a bad guy for a few days. white boy loss!

more richie lore. more berzatto lore. more syd lore. all three. in terms of berzatto lore i'd fucking kill to know about their dad tbh. richie lore? i need to know how he got so close to the berzattos. there's obviously something going on in his family to why he's never seen with them. syd lore? ohhh so much shit i wanna know. her family! the catering! little backstory on her tats! storer don't even give me the fucking season if i don't get a syd centric episode.

i also really want a mikey centric episode too!! i understand that he's supposed to haunt the narrative, but i really want to see something about him rather than it just being "oh shit! mikey! anyways—".

marcus/syd/luca trio friendship. look, i have a lot that i want but i need this at the most. getting a scene where they all cook and shittalk carmy is something that will get me through the day.

i can feel the tomato that's about to be tossed at me, but carmy has to apologize to claire. the way i see it, he has three main people he needs to apologize to: her, richie (no, the one he did in ep 1 does not count. it was half-assed and he's more worried about the fact he did it rather than fixing the problem.) and syd. in my mind, i don't think he's ever going to get the balls to apologize to the other two if he doesn't apologize to her first. (or it might be flipped to where he cant apologize to her until he learns how to apologize to those two, but i'd prefer the former to be honest!)

rough foot p2: imo the bear can't come out in one piece. whether it's because of a bad review, jimmy running out of money as a whole so it can't get it funded anymore or, i semi remember someone saying burn it down. (which? i'd weirdly like??? i'd be devastated as fuck if that happened but also...i'm really interested to see the comeback from that.) i just need a wakeup call for carmy for the overall state of the kitchen. (also because i just DON'T see the show ending with it being like "and they did fine dining forever!" it just feels disappointing to end it that way, especially if the sandwich window is apparently doing way better than the restaurant itself...take us back to the roots!! or something!!)

the bear's timeline is so fucking confusing to the point i don't know what's the current date in the show right now (i've been assuming somewhere in between july-august?) so this one is less than likely to happen but i want them to go to some kind of award thing so bad...james beard or something else i don't fucking care, just give me the group in formal wear please. (extra points if this the only time they're bonding after a while!)

i'm not really into shipping culture like that w/ this show (aka idc who gets with who as long as they're happy.) BUT sydcarmies should at least be allowed a win with the way carmy apologizes to syd. i really want it to be somewhere personal and i hope it includes well—food. drop the collaborative dish while they talk in syd's apartment, thank you. (cause it's gonna leave a sour taste in my mouth if they're uncomfortably distant for life.)

lastly, don't give me anymore copenhagen flashbacks. don't get me wrong, i love seeing carmy happy but every time i read kitchen confidential, (which is mostly set in nyc) i just think "i wonder if carmy went through the same shit". more nyc carmy please if we're going to get flashbacks on past culinary experiences! it doesn't even have to be about fields, but i really wanna see what happened in other places carmy visited.

i feel like that's all in my head for now? feel free to elaborate on these, it's just me spitting out random shit that's been in my head. (i might make a hc list soon? is that something people want????)

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Thank you for all your asks… I’ll reply to everyone at some point. Happy Saturday!

Talking about Fellow Honest, Rookvil and Sebek’s grandpa… the first asks are kind of spicy lol

Anonymous asked:

i just realized most of the boys in the playful land event u hc as tops so pls consider: NRC boys x fellow gangbang

(reverse gangbang for gidel and the two bottoms idk)

Anon, this is so hilarious; when we first realised that this was an almost top-only party, I wept. Rollo was lucky… Poor Fellow! And he almost got every single HORRIBLE one, too! Was lucky enough not to get Rook though; he wouldn’t leave his fluffy tail alone lol

Also bold of you to assume that NRC boys x Fellow gangbang wasn’t our minds CONSTANTLY while we were watching the event 😭 Those nasty brats…! It’s painfully easy to imagine them going “let’s mess this bastard up~”.

I haven’t drawn the gangbang itself, only some sketches implying it, but… I really should 😭 Let’s hope.

Haven’t thought about Gidel with Vil and Leona though! Surprisingly… he would scratch a certain itch for both of them I think lol

Anonymous asked:

Games are over, it's time to get serious! Tell me, which one of the boys ended up hooking up with Fellow during the playful land event? I know that the funniest and best answer is definitely "all of them", but I wonder if you have anyone in mind... Also, poor Fellow, there were so many tops in this event! He suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder and turns around to see Riddle form the Stitch event, who just shakes his head and goes "It never gets any easier...". On another note, does this mean we're going to get the fox's slut-istics eventually?

ANON OUT THERE ASKING REAL QUESTIONS, AND shooting me in the head instantly because I really wanted to say “all of them”!! 😭 But let’s consider that the great NRC gangbang didn’t happen, let’s humour the idea, let’s think about it…

I think the ones that are the most likely to hook up with Fellow are Lilia (he knows a nasty bitch that lacks training when he sees one), the Tweels (they are determined to enjoy themselves today, so Fellow should play with them!), Ortho (he’ll make Fellow uncomfortable with how un-innocent he is), Ace (he got super ballsy by the end there, tbh my money is on him) and Kalim fucking Al-Asim. Although the last one sends mixed messages as always because he is at the same time very openly flirty and very weirdly platonic lol Still, he seemed to really, really liked Fellow, so anything could happen.

God I love the word “slut-tistics”… If you mean the sluttiness chart that I did some time ago, then yes, Fellow absolutely deserves one! Let’s see… I think, it’d be something like this:

Promiscuity: 4; Flirtiness: 4; Sex-drive: 2; Kinkiness: 3.

Total: 13

He isn’t super loyal to anyone, but he also isn’t 100% promiscuous; to Fellow, having sex with someone and being loyal are two different things. He is loyal to someone he loves dearly, but this is its separate thing <3 Sex is survival, to be honest, he doesn’t do it for pleasure all that often. Still, because he had to go through the hands of so many deeply perverted people, his body developed some kinks that he didn’t even know he could have…

Flirting is an instrument of manipulation for him, but I feel like he also enjoys it genuinely.

Sooo if he is 13, that would put him just below the total slut tier wow impressive lol

(Also YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT RIDDLE IN THAT EVENT I DIDN’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, oh buddy, oh poor little thing…)

Anonymous asked:

Hi! I love your blog sm and your art is amazing aaaa i loved that savannahclaw Rook you did, so handsome!! That description on the picture made me wonder, how would you say Rook and Vil would have first gotten together ? Did Rook ask Vil out or was Vil the one who dropped hints on wanting to get together? Do you think they went on dates or just straight up jumped into the bushes? LMAO ive always been curious on headcanons on how you would imagine them first dating before they became the silly couple we all know and love

Thank you so much, Anon!! <3 I am very happy you liked it!

I love talking about these two and especially the earlier stages of their relationship lol I talked about it in this post + wrote some hcs about their first time too.

I feel like they were getting closer and closer very quickly as they continued talking to each other every day, and then at some point the tension just got too strong. Maybe there would be sense for them to talk about their feelings, but it was the kind of situation when it was obvious even without words. So none of them really asked the other one out, but at some point they just started “dating”…

Maybe this isn’t how Vil imagined his first proper relationship to start, but it’s not like he wasn’t just as passionate as Rook was lol

Their little chats were their “dates” technically. But I think they had their first “proper date”(=going somewhere) after they started making out and having sex.

Anonymous asked:

Just out of curiosity, would you ever consider having head cannons or maybe even doing artwork of Sebek's grandfather, Baul...?

Like, in your eyes, is he a bottom or top? Do you ship him with anybody? Or does he just not interest you that much? Cause that's okay too! I'm just really curious, I really like Baul lol. 💚

We absolutely would whenever we actually get to read ch7 and know him better! I have no doubt that we are going to like him a lot, so at least one portrait sketch is a must. His design is cool, and I love his armour. He is one handsome croc :”3

We don’t ship him with anyone yet because we haven’t seen anything of him, but based on things we already know, it feels like he is going to join the top squad. But until we actually see him and learn how he interacts with others and what dynamics he has with people around him, we can’t say for certain.

Even if we end up not shipping him with anyone, I’ll write some solo hcs about him if someone wants to read them! By the time we actually get to know him, of course. It’ll take a while lol sorry about it.

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

As Fruba fan, are you team Yuki/Kakeru or Yuki/Machi? Why?

I'm a multishipper at heart so I never feel the need to choose uwu (multishippers, we stay winning). But to be honest, Kakeru and Yuki's relationship feels more brotherly to me. Sorry YuKakeYu shippers, I personally don't see it but I can see why y'all do. Considering the canonical bi/pan characters we have like Ayame and Hatsuharu, I don't find it out of the realm of possibility to see Yuki as pan or demi (which I personally do).

Bro connects with who he connects with, gender and sexual orientation have little to do with it.

But if we're talking about who I ship Yuki with above all else? There is a character I firmly believe Yuki would have ended up romantically with if things in the story were different and Kakeru and Machi don't come close at all to being that other person.

It's Kyo.

I am deadass serious when I say it is Kyo.

This is not some toxic yaoi shipping bullshit, I have evidence to back up my claims!

No one will ever be able to convince me that Yuki's first crush wasn't Kyo. Yuki was literally smitten with Kyo and his hair upon their first meeting, the pink on his cheeks wasn't just coming from the snow. This is a hill I will 100% die on. It was Kyo but then Kyo's hostility and the complications with Akito and the entire zodiac curse got in the way of that.

Hell, I don't even really have to imagine what that relationship would have likely been like either because by extension of Hajime and Mutsuki, we get to see that.

Their sons who are literally so close that it is a joke-that-isn't-really-a-joke at the family functions that if they're even left alone together for one second, they'll start hanging all over one another. Their sons who, narratively, are supposed to represent what their fathers' relationship could have been if there had been no curse or any other sort of negative influence tainting it.

And with the very clear romantic overtones of Hajime and Mutsuki's relationship, I think it is subsequently clear where Yuki and Kyo's relationship would have headed if that night they met as kids went differently. Or had someone decided to intervene and get the two of them on more amicable terms as children.

Hajime and Mutsuki have adored each other since they were children, spent most of their time together which they continue doing in the present and they balance each other out by supplementing for each other what the other lacks. And, of course, their chemistry is extremely good.

Whatever happened in the past, we're just us, but… maybe it's really special for our dads to see you and me standing side by side like this. ー Mutsuki, Yuki's son to Hajime

(Like, they literally spend Valentine's Day together when they could easily just spend that day apart. I know they live together but they don't need to be that damn close to partake in the romance holiday goodies.)

And to me, Kyo and Yuki have some great chemistry not only when they're arguing with one another (which I say it's great chemistry because of the envy they feel towards one another, how they only see what is good in the other rather than the flaws. Ex, Yuki's great at everything in Kyo's mind while Yuki desires Kyo's ability to easily connect with people despite his social awkwardness) but during the moments they aren't at each other's throats as well.

Admittedly it could just be my multishipper goggles, but there are 2 main character relationships/dynamics in Fruits Basket where I think 'if you didn't end up with A, you definitely would have ended up with B'. One is more subtle, the other is extremely obvious (I just think some people will be mad at me if I say it lmao, y'all can boo me all you want though I'm right!!!!).

YuKyo is one of those ships for me and it's the more subtle of the two.

Like it is there but it doesn't become obvious until you get to Furuba Another and get introduced to their sons. So I really don't think it is much of a stretch to say that had things been different, we would have seen Kyo and Yuki have an entirely different relationship.

"Adoration turned into envy"??? Yuki, my lad, you couldn't be more obvious that your crush on Kyo became something bitter.

Yuki wanted Kyo to like him, a fact he admits to Kakeru when we dive more into his past. There's a part of him that still wants Kyo to like him and have some sort of positive relationship with each other. And by the end of the main series, there's peace with one another. An acceptance that their relationship may never get to the 'what it could have been' but they have each other's back regardless.

Which I think is lovely. So even with my love of the canon ships we got, YuKyo is one of my favorite Fruits Basket ships that live rent-free in my head.

[yanderecandystore]

Hello! If it's not too much of a hassle.

May I please request, Alexandra?

Scenario: Reader (AMAB) is poor and forced to marry Alexandra. But unfortunately for Alexandra, Darling is more interested in their daughter than in her (not incest btw!!) As the years go by.

Lmao I can see it happening X'D

TW/Tags: Somewhat fluff, somewhat goofy, somewhat weird? // mentions of past bullying // silly goofs sort of headcanon // questionable marriage/relationship with Alexandra // People ignoring the victim's side of the story // Reader has a lot of conflicted feelings about his situation // low-key happy ending unlocked?

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Oh no, please don't spoil this child, her mother is already very spoiled, sir. [Yandere!Bully!OC x Male!Reader - Headcanons]:

→ Alexandra Coldwell:

I don't think much would happen to be honest, although it is interesting that you got in this situation in the first place. Being forced to marry your rich bully sounds like an absolute nightmare, and it could be considering it's Alexandra we're talking about!

Ah, but who isn't to say that this was all a carefully laid out plan to get you to be with her anyway? I mean it doesn't sound so ridiculous if you think about it.

I don't think she would've been able to orchestrate EVERYTHING, but imagine this- You two met in high school and she hasn't stop being a menace to you even during college, but since your family was always in a tight situation financially she knew how to play her cards right to convince your parents that she was your "high school sweetheart", and that she was the perfect choice for you!

She is a beautiful model after all, she comes from old money- And she has that added benefit of having been in your life for a while now (for the better or for worse… mostly worse). How could your parents NOT fall for her charm??

Which by the way, they never understand why you never showed her to them before, it doesn't matter if you told them the truth before or not, right now they were absolutely sold on her as the perfect candidate for you.

There was an awkward dating phase at first, she would treat you a lot better than she did in her high school years but you still couldn't help but see her as a bit of a menace to your otherwise calm life.

It took you a while to notice why she would treat you the way she did, how she didn't actually mean it… Of course you weren't one to easily forgive and forget, but you did give her a chance to improve herself, despite the odds being against you, you stood your ground and never gave her the chance to put you down again.

The dating part felt a little rushed in your opinion, but nothing could be done about it considering your marriage was planned a lot earlier than you ever could have expected- And I'm not talking about your parents who really needed you to get that financial security, I'm talking about Alexandra.

Your new wife was still creepy… Not scary and overly domineering as you expected her to be in private but still somewhat creepy.

And somehow you grew to accept that! It seemed to get better with each passing year, or maybe you just didn't really care about her obsessive weirdness towards you… Sometimes, it was a bit endearing!

Or maybe you're crazy too, who knows!

Ah, but your daughter, a sweet little girl that thanks to some miracle was not as bratty as her mother! A bit of a daddy's girl, and just a tiny hint of a troublemaker- But that's basically any child.

I would beg you to not spoil her too much as You Know Who is her mother, but I assume you would still do it anyway, wouldn't you?

Your relationship with Alexandra was always a bit odd, and hard to explain. You weren't unhappy, not at all! You had a really good life now, and it wasn't just because of the money.

You've built a really nice family with Alex, even if it's just you three… But sometimes you're not sure if you really love Alexandra all that much…

Well, you grew to like her! But sometimes you feel like you shouldn't so easily forget her past interactions with you, and even though it might seem perfect to be next to someone like her (rich and beautiful), you're very much aware of the ways she could easily ruin someone's life if they got too close to you. The person who slept next to you every night was also the one who would lock you in empty school lockers, and is the same person who would also use her money to ruin someone else's life for even looking at you wrong…

And it's also the same person who smiles everyday as if everyday was sunny to her, who is a good mother overall and great wife despite her unhealthy tendencies, who is always apologizing late at night about her past mistakes even if you didn't bring it up yourself.

You clearly loved your daughter a lot, and after having the displeasure of meeting your mother-in-law you REALLY didn't want your daughter to end up like them (I named her Yasmin but it can be whatever you want-).

It's not just that you really love your daughter with all your heart- She is the reason you feel glad that this marriage happened in the first place- But you're also worried that if you are not around, Yasmin will turn into her mother or worse yet, her grandma, ugh.

You were thankful that she didn't come to visit you three much, if at all. You didn't know why exactly, but something told you Evelyn wouldn't be a good influence on your daughter. She never treated you badly, but you sure knew she didn't treat Alexandra well.

Spoiling wasn't the same as parenting. Nor was whatever that witch did.

In Alexandra's point of view, she recognizes that you seem very distant to her in general, but from her perspective you seem to be slowly getting more comfortable around her- Even if you don't notice!

It can be a bit frustrating that you never give her the same amount of attention you give Yasmin, but she doesn't mind all that much… It's really cute to see how much you care about your family, it's all that she could ever dream off!

Nice try in trying to make her mad, yeah, she gets a little petty sometimes but she isn't the same person anymore, whatever you did during all these years somehow motivated her to become a better person for the sake of you and for the sake of your daughter.

Alex isn't completely unaware of your disinterest, the fact that even after all this time you still feel conflict hurts her but it makes a lot of sense.

But since you're married to her, she would still like to think she has a chance to win your heart, if you would like that or not is up to you or course.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[ultraviolet-cello]

I'm gonna be honest guys, I looked at today's episode and was like Oh No because Episode 9 is my Achilles heel. not that there's nothing to say about it. But that there's so much To say abt it lmao. While 6 & 7 are my favourites, Knives is a character that I see soooooo much like. I need to put him under my microscope.

Anyway, today's analysis/detail watch/@tristampparty is episode 9 - Millions Knives.

Spoilers for Trimax and Tristamp, CW for uh. Knives in general, and enjoy!

It's probably just the angle here, but Knives does look marginally shorter in this shot, and it's extremely funny to me

Okay I did just get jumpscared by being in dub for some reason I was looking for the subtitles and heard English and had The Most dramatic reaction. okay we're normal now.

Knives,,,, Knives Knives Knives,,,, so I, once again, think that the narrative is working against him. It's interesting, then, I guess, that he's the only main character in Tristamp who doesn't get the portrayed-as-younger treatment in Tristamp.

Knives here is experiencing things that Trimax Knives only did way way later; the last run in particular. Trimax Knives witnesses a last run and starts fusing with other Plants midway through Trimax. This scene in Tristamp, however, takes place just 5 years after the Big Fall.

Trimax Knives ends up like he does by spiraling very very quickly after he starts fusing (And he was dead/in a coma for 20 years!); Tristamp Knives, however, has had at least 145 years to build up his power, build up his hatred, go down that spiral. No 20 years of being dead, just alllll that.

In that respect, Tristamp Knives is Trimax Knives taken to the end of that spiral, the extremist endpoint that Trimax Knives never quite achieved because of Vash - he never really had the time to reach the end of the spiral and settle in it, whereas Tristamp Knives has had that going for again, 145 years.

It's a fun inversion of what's going on in Trimax actually - the 20 years between July and the present are what gives most of the main cast their development and personality - They've had the time to develop those coping mechanisms, trauma responses, their characterizations past all the traumatic things that have happened.

Trimax Knives isn't present for those 20 years, he's down and out for the count. So that 20 years of Important development does not apply to him, making him the least Progressed character in Trimax actually.

So to have Tristamp Knives be the inversion of that is really fascinating, because it applies to how extremist he's willing to go, and how,,,, Bad[tm] the actions he takes are.

Some Knives characterization things that I see criminally overlooked are that,,, well, Vash struggles with empathy sometimes, but Knives often feels things far too much, as in a hyper-emotive or overstimulated state (he's autistic ur honour), which is what contributes to his overall spiral - he's so emotionally driven that he doesn't recognize the emotional weight behind his decisions anymore. I don't think he knows quite how much his grief and anger contributes to how he says he hates Rem. He doesn't really explore that but instead just turns it into motivation for himself.

Anyway him feeling things Way too hard is an entire mood and Studio Orange did an incredible job with his expressions.

Like for example, in this sequence he looks like he's about to physically Gag in response to seeing the Plant die

Or this one, where he looks like he's about to cry but shoves his hood over his face hurriedly in case he does. Daily reminder that Knives was the kid who cried a lot

So Vash steps in in the middle of Knives' little breakdown, but he hasn't really Seen that breakdown. To him, Knives is immediately just spouting about how humans are so bad, but from Knives' POV he just watched his sister die while the humans who surround him are unapologetic and uncaring. And that's gotta be devastating for Knives, because Vash really does not understand the context of the situation here. I think that gets to Knives a little bit, and unpauses his breakdown.

The other thing that really cements the Absolutely God Awful Time that Knives is happening is the guards going to grab him. We've already seen Knives be relatively adverse to touch (looking uncomfortable when Rem grabs him), and now he's having a really bad day, he's experiencing Trauma^2, and people just Grab him? Not to be dramatic but I understand the urge to start killing

But he also,,,, doesn't resort to violence first. He literally appeals to everyone's sense of heart, he points out that the Plants are crying out, can't you hear it? And then nobody listens, nobody comes to help him, and at this point there's probably a lot of fear.

A bunch of humans have turned up who are,,, apparently happy to exploit plants, conrad knows he's a plant, and he's being restrained by several people. That's a really scary position to be in, especially if you happen to have seen what happened to, oh, I don't know, Tesla?

Self-defense, in this case, would surely be justified to him.

Also the scene of Knives attempting to get Vash to shoot someone with a gun is a 98-only detail which I love actually - 98 has its moments, even if it's only 3rd in my Top Triguns list! (I love 98 to be clear, I just like Trimax and Tristamp more)

Vash tells Knives that he lost Rem because Rem was protecting Vash, and That's Not A Great Thing To Hear. Knives loved Rem very much and now Vash is telling him that yeah, she's dead because of him. Which he'd definitely known before, but it's such a gut punch to hear your own brother say that, scream it in your face even. Your mother is dead because of you. She was only protecting Vash.

And again, that too much emotion spills over into just inescapable grief and rage that goes into violence and taking it out on Luida which. Yeah. Yeah.

Tristamp fascinates me in that Knives actually has a genuinely good reason to amputate Vash's arm - he's in a haze, and he needs to think quickly, nobody else can do anything, and if that arm goes off it could evaporate everything in the immediate vicinity. So yeah chop chop. It's not a great solution, of course, but it's the quickest one he's got, and also starts desensitizing Knives to violence he commits against Vash. Because, of course, if this one piece of harm had saved Vash's life (which it probably did), then everything else that Knives does is also saving him, right? Right?!

Why does Vash get like. B cups in this scene and only this scene. Top ten questions science can't answer /j

Godddd okay Meryl and Roberto's reaction to seeing plants is,,,, It's nice, actually. I like that Roberto gets to see hope and flora before he dies. I like that the last positive, lovely thing that he gets to experience is the hope of the world. Even if he denies it.

God, Knives telling Vash that he's the reason for the big fall really did a number on him huh. The man is powered on 17 guilt complexes, CPTSD, and bisexuality

worms took her tights can't have shit in noman's land

Roberto also cracks a lot of jokes all the time I miss him. He's so deeply unserious half the time and the other half he's mysterious as fuck. Love this guy. But also the fact that he does try to,,, make the situation better for Meryl by joking with her is very sweet.

Wolfwood has. 0 experience in riding a Thomas because he was never given transport again,,, Why waste fuel and animals when the Punisher can just walk the desert himself? He's not human enough to die of it. ghrngrhgnrgrngrnnnnn

God that's gonna be so good when he gets Angelina though. His own transport,,,,

Zazie doing the lord's work by putting Aotearoa New Zealand front on the Worm Globe, we're so often left out of maps lmao

Alright I have spent some time condensing that Knives rant and it's still. a Lot lmao. Anyway that was my Normal-About-Knives episode, next is my Normal-About-Roberto episode, which I'm super hyped for! yippee!! yay!!!