#which i think is part of why she lets herself act more childlike later on

[utilitycaster]

I was vaguely hopeful the book would address some problems I had with Laudna, but it sounds like it will not - does this book at least address why Laudna had little to no interest in getting rid of Delilah (or why it took so long for her to even engage with her in campaign?)

ok so I'm trying to write meta but I think it's got to cook, and I also need to clean my actual real-life kitchen, so I'm just going to give you a relatively quick and dirty rundown but short answer: genuinely this book detracts from the campaign. Laudna is a better character if you make up a backstory consistent with the canon of Campaign 3 than if you read this book. The stuff that Marisha probably came up with on the spot for her in episode 76-77? literally better than this entire book, Meghan Thee Paladin be damned, and uh, not to give it away but that doesn't show up in the book at all, in a direct conflict, because it's extremely apparent that literally there wasn't enough pre-planned backstory to write a decent book about.

Matilda Bradbury is in Whitestone; there are rumors about the Briarwoods but life seems kind of fine if a little austere. Her family gets invited to the fateful dinner; Delilah basically tells Matilda that her magic is mid and she'll never amount to anyone noble or fancy. During dinner, her parents are taken away, and then she is called to see a project her father helped the Briarwoods with. Surprise! It's dismemberment. Her father's body was used to help make Grog. Matilda starts screaming. Delilah rather weirdly has her beaten to death instead of like, cutting her throat or something efficient.

She wakes up in a pile of corpses. This is the part that was the preview so you can read it. Real talk I read it while in the endless line to get into the parking structures at Merriweather Post Pavilion to see Mitski and was like oh ok time to let go of my expectations now, I see how it is. This is however the most florid portion and the rest is usually if not more tolerable (see the clumsiness of register-switching - Khaw captures Laudna and Delilah's voices ok, and that of the girl Laudna befriends later, but everything else is a real crapshoot) at least less needlessly dense.

She can't really talk and doesn't remember anything due to suppressing it, which makes sense, and kind of wanders the countryside as a feral being for a year, which also makes sense. After about a year, Delilah shows up but doesn't introduce herself and simply is a voice in her head that tells her what to do sometimes, which Laudna sometimes listens to and sometimes ignores. She is in a sort of childlike state and makes Pate during this time. She watches a bunch of people and is lonely and tries to approach them, but due to the corpse-like nature and the fact that she doesn't fucking know how to act (making a cow doll with real teeth), people are understandably weirded out, and while she does do good deeds (laundry and similar) she does so anonymously in hiding. She encounters Meghan Thee Paladin (Exemplar) and hero-worships her from afar until Meghan finds her and is like there is a darkness within you, I will not hurt you now, but you must leave or die. She develops a parasocial relationship with an elderly half-orc woman who thinks she's a weird forest spirit and leaves out food; when the woman dies, Laudna buries her and then starts to go through her things but is chased out by the woman's relatives who realized she was dead when Laudna let the sheep go. All of this is like, fine, story-wise. Delilah is mostly frustrated with her for not listening and being a weird child, essentially. We're around 40% through the book btw.

She continues this stuff over the course of two decades, finding abandoned places, leaving when chased out, etc etc. Finally, she reaches Kymal. This is by far the most poorly written, stupid part of the book; unfortunately it's another 40% of the book. Basically, there's a foreman who is abusing women. This is fine as a setup but it turns into, essentially, a bad retelling of the Triangle Shirtwaist factory ft real-world early 20th century sexism in a world that's never had that. But I'm getting ahead of myself. One woman, Sybil, specifically gets attacked, takes out the foreman's eye, he starts to have people beat her to death, and Laudna rushes to her defense but also, through Delilah, is in a form of dread or similar, and infects her with possibly vampirism(?) in saving her. The other women are like "thanks, but also you are a horrible nightmare" and Laudna goes back to her hovel on the edge of town. However, urging from Delilah and her own sense of wanting to help and to connect with people lead her back into town. She meets with an older woman with hedge witch vibes named Miriam, and also meets Sybil's younger sister, Bella, who is 11. Miriam has her fucking head on straight, even if the register-switching reaches a nadir with her voice, and is like ok you do need to take responsibility for your actions, please leave, even though I'm glad you helped Sybil after also hurting her. Bella is enamored with Laudna, however.

We're still in Kymal I just felt it was time for a new bullet point. Laudna goes to the bakery to get chocolate pastries for Sybil, in the clunkiest, most poorly written, weird, maudlin, garbage passage of the book. She then finds the dormitories for the factory on fire. Sybil survives, but Kymal's poorest quarter takes damage. Laudna is mad and Delilah seizes on this as an opportunity to turn her towards the business of vengeance. Laudna finds the foreman, who is recovering in an infirmary, and terrorizes him, then kills him even when it becomes clear he didn't set the fire. The fire also causes an influx of new people into Kymal to rebuild or take up work at the mines. Laudna sort of blends in, especially after she raids a damaged clothing store! However, Meghan shows up to help out and heal people and generally be helpful. Delilah's like YOU MUST GO, but Bella finds Laudna and is like "we are besties now."

Laudna is like oh hell yes I have a friend and doesn't leave. She also gets made as the person who caused Sybil to have whatever darkness she has within her, and has to hide in Miriam's house from Meghan; Miriam realizes Laudna is why Sybil is like this and is like "leave". Laudna leaves town and tells Bella, who leaves with her. Delilah is at first not into this plan and then is like actually, a cute if weird child will be useful to us. She leaves with Bella. During this, Laudna's history starts to float to the top of her mind a bit more; earlier, in Kymal, Bella had asked about her ears, which Laudna didn't remember much about. and while telling a story with Delilah's aid around the fire that turns out to be the story of the capture of Cassandra, she suddenly has a breakdown and remembers everything. She also turns into her form of dread and Bella flees, realizing she is who hurt Sybil. Also, she realizes who Delilah is and is big mad. She finds Bella, who is in serious danger in a flooding cavern, and helps her out, mending their relationship in the process and also fighting a dryad, which probably was meant to be symbolic but sort of wasn't very interesting. Anyway, Meghan finds Laudna as she's bringing Bella back and is like you have a darkness within you and you spread it to someone else, and also you kidnapped this child. Laudna makes a poor argument against this, Bella vouches for her, and ultimately Bella goes back to Kymal with Meghan, with Laudna saying she'll come back one day if she can. We are like 80% of the way through the book.

Laudna flees to the Verdant Expanse and spends some time there, mostly being mad at Delilah, which is valid. Eventually, she realizes she needs to get further away and asks Delilah for help finding a port. They stow away to Marquet. On the ship, Delilah asks her to reassert the pact they made. Laudna does with pretty much no argument.

Laudna is doing ok in a city in Marquet for like 3 seconds before a Cobalt Soul researcher is like "hey you seem dead can you answer some of my questions of curiosity" and while he asks a bunch of questions, he does not attack her nor seem disgusted or hateful. Laudna promptly, in the funniest but also the most wtf moment, flees into the Rumedan desert for a decade. This is not elaborated upon other than that there are pink flowers there, and she is alone (and left alone).

Laudna makes her way to the edge of Gelvaan, and after she is found out and people try to drive her out, Imogen shows up and lightning bolts the shit out of them and they run off together.

The end. No, the two years of Laudna and Imogen together remain an utter mystery. No, there's nothing about Laudna apparently spending time in Whitestone Castle as a hollow one as described in episodes 77-78. While it DOES make sense why she doesn't get rid of Delilah for the first 20 years, she does straight up willingly make a pact on the ship DESPITE THINKING SHE COULD SURVIVE WITHOUT DELILAH.

[green-loser-lover]

Imitation X (au)

Im sure that you guys have heard of theories for different shows? Not the interesting MatPat kind, the horror/bizarre ones that suck the childlike wonder from kids shows? Like the Phineas & Ferb theory or the Rugrats theory (both saying that all the kids are dead except for Candice/Angelica)? Well theres one for PPG called "the imagination theory" and my au is based off of it. (if interested keep reading but it gets long and i dont want clutter)

The imagination theory while interesting doesn't get.. explored often and just gets explained by youtubers some times? If you don't want to read all of it: the girls are normal and just play pretend superhero, the villains are all people from their lives and the Professor is their dad (duh)

I think the entire concept could be expanded on without changing the whole "normal girls thing". Enter imitation X! Basically everything happening is through the girls eyes and equate to something in the real world! Monsters are like shootings/bombings, villains are ordinary people, everything that happens is just them coping with their less than ideal lives. So i want to fit all the characters (main ones at least) into that idea as well as different episodes!

For now though lets start with the girls (this post is too long bezus)

Blossom

In Imitation X her real name is Blaine (meaning yellow.. yk how the prof gives bubbles/blossom names based off of how they act and buttercup just bc it also starts with b? yeah i kinda did that to bloss bc i wanted their named to sound similar oops)

When the girls came up with the game she was the one to make the rules which really just meant she tried her hardest to make up reason after reason for her to be special while her sisters couldn't do half the stuff she could. Eventually she just started having fun with the game and stopped being so controlling. When Buttercup/Bubbles played at first the whole thing was a mess (Butter wanting all gore and Bubbles wanting all cutesy stuff) so she came up with the girls backstory and set a middle ground for them

Shes not smarter than her sisters! I'd say shes more clever/quick to think but shes not like a super genius or anything and shes wrong pleanty. In imitation X Blossom is extremely responsible as always but she can also be selfish and throw the other girls under the bus. Out of the three of them shes the most willing to deal with their real world problems without the game and is the most tethered to reality. Which is how i think she can get away with things she herself did and blame it on buttercup or bubbles!

Buttercup

Her name is Briar (meaning thorny patch/strength or exalted one)

She loves all things superheros(in this au at least), so she was the one to come up with the game HOWEVER it was a totally gritty solo game that she wanted absolutley no one else to take part in.. until she got lonely lol. 1 punching all your villians with no plot gets boring quick. Eventually she asked bubbles to draw her superhero for her (her supersona??) and bubbles wanted to play bc it looked cool. Ofc Buttercup put her through different trials to let her join,, and even then Bubbles became her sidekick at first (which led to squables)

Shes willing to deviate from their game to hang out with her friends who think its lame or whatnot (did i mention theyve been playing since they were five up until theyre 12?) She made the whole game as an escape from the real world so its pretty easy for her to get back into it after a while. Buttercup isn't a hot head in imitation X! She gets angered/annoyed easily but instead of blowing up she. freezes? up? She'll stop talking when shes been angered and isolate herself! Which is why Buttercup (in game) is so violent! Real world Butters cant express herself the way she wants so she uses the game as an outlet. Shes very defensive of her sisters (for reasons that will be revealed later) but at the same time shes very ready to abandon them when they get on her nerves. And i mean abandon, she will leave the house for days!

Bubbles

Last but not least (shes my beloved guys i just never mention it) Blair! (meaning dweller on the plains and is meant to invoke images of meadows/fields.. shes the main character if you didnt notice /j)

When Buttercup told her to draw for her she fell inlove with the idea of being a superhero and was willing to do all the trials and whatnot just to play. She ofc loved being a powerpuff and made the strongest connection with the game.She did get tired of being a sidekick though bc she got to make almost no choices so she came up with monsters and played as them until she got tired of it and started to argue with buttercup about the whole thing. Yeah it def took time for her to become a real superhero duo w/ Butters but when it happened she'd never been happier

Bubbles constantly sees things through the game. No shes not crazy she knows its not happening but she almost never stops pretending. It took a long few years before Blossom got her to stop at school (for the most part). Bubbles goes through the most in the au and therefore she likes to actively cope. Its extremely hard for her to snap into reality and when she does shes really not herself, very muted and disgruntled. It takes her a surprisingly long time to start coping again as well, awareness throws her for a loop and she will make a fuss of it. Shes more of a crybaby and is easily scared in the real world (she tries not to cry in front of others though ofc) people like her but she'd rather stay to herself than be around other people. Bubbles in the game is far more sassy than she is because she wished she did speak her mind and do whatever makes her happy whenever she felt like.

Thats! It! For the girls lol Professor, Mojo Jojo/rrb, or HIM will probably come next because they are all significant in the AU! After them probably the Mayor, Bellum and Sedusa or the GGG! Hope you enjoyed and stick around to read more :3! R&R and have a good day!

[asleepinawell]

Defragmentation

Sometimes Root would come home from a mission scattered. She’d sit on the couch and stare into space for hours, laptop forgotten and half-sliding off her legs until Shaw came and rescued it. She didn’t seem distressed or like she was in shock. Just gone.

When she eventually snapped back to the present, it would be with a slight shake of her head. She’d look around the room, curiously, as if she couldn’t quite recall how she’d gotten there, and then act normally. Or what passed for normal where Root was concerned.

“You done staring at the wall?” Shaw asked after one such occurrence.

Root paused in the middle of smoothing out the ruffled cocktail dress she hadn’t changed out of yet. She looked like she was about to answer, but then only smiled and countered with: “Maybe I’ll stare at you now instead.”

Shaw could appreciate not wanting to talk about certain things, but she couldn’t stop trying to piece together the mystery. Root was usually hurtling forward at a million miles a minute. To see her still and empty was unsettling.

It took her a little while to see the pattern.

“Who were you this time?” she asked when Root snapped back to the present.

“Secretary at a law firm.” Root peeled off a black blazer Shaw had never seen before. “Had to get my hands on some documents in the company safe. One of the lawyers tried to get his hands on me, though, so I left him in the safe instead.”

Some thieves left a calling card at the scene of their crime, like a glove or rose or something dumb. Root seemed to leave behind unconscious and severely traumatized misogynists as her calling card. Shaw couldn’t risk telling her how much of a kick she got out of that without risking a round of smugness.

Another episode followed a few weeks later.

“Let me guess…professional dog walker?”

Her outfit wasn’t anything special this time, but it was coated in animal hair.

“Groomer, not walker,” Root corrected as she got up from the couch, leaving a layer of hair behind.

“Well, don’t get any ideas about putting bows on Bear.”

“But he’d look so good with them.” Root pulled a handful of orange ribbon from her pocket and dangled it in front of Shaw like she was a kitten she was trying to entice into playing with it.

Unnecessary pet accessories aside, it was always a relief to see her full of life again.

The next time it happened, Shaw decided it was time to have a talk.

“Do I have something on my face?” Root asked when she blinked out of her trance to find Shaw sitting in a chair across from her, arms crossed.

“You never used to space out after taking other identities. What changed?”

There was a slight flicker of uneasiness on Root’s face, quickly chased away by a lazy smile that was anything but authentic. “Hmmm, maybe sometimes I get too into my role. Side effects of being too good at lying, I suppose.”

It felt like a half-truth to Shaw. “Used to be you’d be a pilot in the morning, a barista in the afternoon, and a debutante in the evening. Now you’re one thing for a day or two and you go all space cadet and stare holes in my wall. What gives?”

Root chuckled and leaned back on the couch, stretching her arms along the back of it. “This is possibly the least subtle attempt anyone has ever made to psychoanalyze me.”

“Subtle isn’t my thing. I asked. Up to you if you answer.”

Root wasn’t making eye contact anymore, a slightly guilty expression on her face. But she looked to be gathering her thoughts rather than trying to escape the conversation, so Shaw waited quietly.

“It’s different now,” Root said at last. “It's….”

She spent a few minutes frowning at the bottle of nail polish she’d left on the coffee table before continuing. “When I take on an identity, I go all in. There can’t be any crack or flaw in my disguise, so I have to be that person. Live their life, think their thoughts. I mean not all my missions require that, but…” She trailed off.

“But the ones that do are the ones you end up spacing out on my couch after.” Shaw could sort of see where this was going. “You’ve been doing that most of your life though. You didn’t used to have to…reboot your brain or whatever.”

“It’s different now,” Root said again. She was picking at one fingernail, refusing to look up.

“Hold that thought.” Shaw stood up and headed to the kitchen, leaving Root behind to sort out her thoughts. She figured the amount of time it took to make some tea would let Root regroup.

“Here.”

Root smiled when Shaw handed her the warm mug. Her smile widened when Shaw sat down next to her on the couch rather than returning to her chair.

“Back before all this, it was never a problem,” Root said, sounding more sure of herself now. “It was a lot easier to switch on and off identities. I was still me, I mean, but me was…less complicated. I kept things at a very shallow level, I suppose. Never let myself feel anything too deeply or get too attached. In some ways, my own identity was the easiest to assume because it was the least involved in anything else.”

She held her mug of tea cradled in both hands and stared into it like there was a script at the bottom to read from.

“It’ll get cold if you don’t drink it,” Shaw pointed out. She wanted to say more, but she figured that Root wasn’t done yet and didn’t want to derail her now that she was finally explaining.

Root obediently sipped her tea. “Thanks. For the tea, I mean.”

“Right.”

“There’s a lot more distance to come back now.” Root chewed on her lip for a second. “There’s more of me. More things that matter, more things I��m tied to, more things I miss. When I stop being myself now, it takes longer to put myself back together after. Like all the pieces of me get mixed in with all the pieces of other identities and I have to sort them out.”

“Sounds like a headache. How do you…I mean…do you just sort through every thought in your brain and put them all in the correct boxes or something?” Shaw didn’t have anything even remotely approaching a frame of reference for this.

“Not quite that consciously, perhaps. I’m not even really actively aware of it. It’s all a bit dream-like, and more like…following trail markers to get out of the woods.”

“Trail markers?”

“Things that strongly connect me to, well, me. Some silly little things–” She wiggled her fingers with their painted black nails. “–but also things like computers, the subway. Her, of course. She always helps me come back.” Root fidgeted with her mug. “And you.”

There was the slightest hint of red in her cheeks. A bit ridiculous that she was embarrassed, in Shaw’s opinion, since she flirted as freely as breathing. But then this was something a lot more complex than some bad innuendo. Shaw got that. She just wasn’t sure what to do with it in this particular case.

“So why keep working missions that make you do this?”

“It’s my job. And I don’t dislike it. It’s just gotten a little more complicated.”

She finally looked over at Shaw and whatever she saw in Shaw’s face made her relax (Shaw hadn’t thought she had any particular expression on, but then Root had always had an uncanny knack for reading her). She placed her tea down on the coffee table and tentatively rested one of her hands on Shaw’s leg. When Shaw didn’t stiffen or move away, she settled her hand more firmly, palm still warm from the mug.

“She did offer to decrease the number of those types of missions, but that doesn’t seem fair. I don’t want to let Her down.”

Shaw held back an exasperated sigh. For someone who went on about how much her AI buddy cared about all of them, Root could be pretty willfully oblivious to how that caring extended to herself as well. But that wasn’t something she could fix in one afternoon.

“What can I do?” It still felt a little weird asking that, but she’d found out over time it was better than staying frustrated in silence. For both of them.

“Honestly, I’m not sure. But coming back here…it’s a good place to be. It makes the way back a lot shorter.”

“Then tell your boss that you always come here after a mission.” Though Shaw strongly suspected that the Machine was on the same page as her here.

Root didn’t say anything and the silence stretched out between them. Her fingers traced patterns across Shaw’s leg.

It didn’t happen again for a while (though Shaw was unsure if that was a coincidence or if the Machine was demonstrating the good sense that her analogue interface clearly lacked), but a month and a half later Shaw came home to the now-familiar sight of Root sitting motionless on her couch.

She looked her over with a tiny frown, taking in the details. Whoever Root had been this time had another fancy job that required formal business attire. The look suited Root in so far as all looks suited her, but it didn’t feel quite right.

She ended up sitting on the coffee table in front of Root, carefully lifting one of Root’s hands from her lap and placing it on her own knee. Root didn’t stir.

Shaw uncapped the small bottle of stinky cheap nail varnish that Root still hadn’t moved from the coffee table and went to work applying a coat of black polish to each of Root’s nails. She took her time, being careful not to smudge it, and staying fully focused on her task.

When she finished the last nail on Root’s other hand, Root’s fingers twitched on her leg. Shaw looked up to meet her eyes.

“Thought you hated the beautician business.” Root was all mischievous smiles and bright eyes again.

“Got bored. And you’re sitting on the tv remote.”

“I can think of much better things to be sitting on.”

From totally zoned out to hitting on her in under a minute. Shaw was almost impressed.

“You eaten yet? Dinner, I mean.”

Root shrugged. “Don’t really remember.”

Shaw sighed and headed to the kitchen. “I’ve got some leftovers I can heat up.”

Later that night, she let Root curl up on her and put her head on her chest.

“Getting cold lately,” Shaw said, one hand idly playing with a lock of Root’s hair. “Nice to have a human radiator again.”

“I missed you, too.”

“Hmph.” That level of sentimentality was frankly unnecessary.

“It’s nice to be back.” Root sounded half asleep now.

Shaw didn’t answer, but instead tucked Root’s head more firmly under her chin. She didn’t let herself fall asleep until Root’s eyes drooped shut and her breathing evened out. When she woke up the next morning, she found that Root had rolled off her in the night, but one of her hands still rested on Shaw’s chest, fingers splayed out, and each nail painted with a perfect coat of black polish.

[soldierswar]

Kobik - Chapter I

Bucky x Reader

(Fluff, Angst)

Plot: You and Bucky's relationship is anything but ordinary. Something that you've been used to since day one. But one day when Bucky brings home an unexpected little guest with superpowers, you reluctantly find yourself thrusted into something close to parenthood much sooner than you had ever expected to be.

Notes: I've been obsessed with Kobik and Bucky's father/daughter relationship with her since I read the Thunderbolts comics. Enjoy protective dad!Bucky.

        *Ring* *Ring* *Ring*

           “I’ve got to change that ring tone,” was your first thought after your atrociously loud phone woke you up in the middle of your mid-day nap. But you always felt the need to keep it off silent when Bucky was away from you for emergency use.

           You groggily propped yourself up and picked up the phone.

           “Everything okay?”

           “Let me guess. You just woke up?”

           There were no signs of real distress in his voice. So why the hell was he calling instead of texting?

           “Mmmmm,” you groaned.

           You being an investigative journalist had just finished working on an important writing piece that took over a month and a half to write. A piece that involved multiple trips across the ocean for in-person research. So you were pretty exhausted nowadays.

           “What’s up?” you asked mid-yawn.

           “Y/N…I need you to meet me somewhere as soon as possible. At…our spot.”

           Now you began to get worried.

You and Bucky had a special secluded spot in a nearby building that had been abandoned halfway through its being built years ago. It was safe to assume that it was just another private abandoned project after the blip that was never followed up on. So you and Bucky deemed it your secret place to go to if you needed to talk about something urgent where nobody could hear or see you.

           “Are you in some kind of trouble? Do we need a lawy—”

           “No, Y/N. It doesn’t have anything to do about me…for the most part.”

           “For the most part?”

           You could suddenly hear Sam’s voice echoing in the background again.

           “How worried do I need to be, Barnes?”  

           He hesitated.

Those pauses always made you incredibly anxious, and he knew that.

           “Are you safe? Are we safe?”  

           Another pause as he swallowed nervously.

           “James?”

           “I wouldn’t have called for you to come if I didn’t think that we’d be safe.”

           You shook your head. And although he couldn’t see it, he knew you enough to know that that was exactly what you were doing.

           “You trust me?”

           “Would I have married you if I didn’t?” you sighed lightheartedly.

           “I can be there in 30, okay?”

           And before you could hang up he said those three words that almost never faltered in making you smile, even in the worst of time.

           “I love you.”

…

           Despite the fact that he said that there was nothing really to be truly worried about, you couldn’t help but feel a pulsing anxiety surge through your body. In the years that you had been together, you never really had to use your spot for any type of unexpected emergency.

           You stumbled your way to the building being careful to not fall over the chunks of broken concrete protruding from the dirt before making your way to the door that was almost completely broken off minus two feet of it from the bottom still hinged to the door frame.

           “Hey,” said a familiar voice.

You turned around to see your husband’s beautiful face. You hadn’t seen Bucky in almost a week, so when he wrapped you in his arms you had no choice but to feel nothing but comfort and warmth. But after a two-second tender moment, you snapped out of it.

           “James,” you said.

“What is this about? Why am I here?”

           Before he could say anything, you could hear  Sam’s voice in another area of the house. It sounded almost as though he were giving orders to someone. Which was then followed by the echoes of a little childlike voice…

           You shook your head and reasoned that you were either hearing things, or things were about to get really weird.

           “Bucky,” you said raising your voice and crossing your arms.

           “How bad can it be?”

           Suddenly the only sound in the house was the sound of little footsteps sprinting towards you followed by Sam’s voice.

           “Kobi—”

           And right before your eyes, there was a little girl. A little girl that couldn’t have been older than 4 or 5 years old. She was incredibly pale and had blonde – No, white hair in two high pigtails. But the strangest thing about her was her inhumanly glowing blue eyes.

           “Everything okay Buckaroo?” she asked seeming concerned about him.

           “Shit,” Sam said under his breath as Bucky gave him a death stare.

           “Kobik,” Bucky scolded lightly, crossing his arms.

           “I told you not to come out until I said –”

           “I know,” she said as her little face and shoulders fell.

           “But someone seemed mad at you. Are you okay?”

           She turned her gaze over to you and gave you a once-over as if she were scanning you to see if you were a stranger and potential threat to your own husband.

           Sam finally joined you guys looking somewhat embarrassed.

           “Sorry, I couldn’t stop her.”  

           Now you were staring at Sam giving him the “What the hell is going on?” look.

           He didn’t seem like he wanted to be the one to answer.

Great, now you had two men who didn’t want to answer any questions about the strangest looking child that you had ever seen.  

           “Kobik,” Bucky said.

           “This is my wife, Y/N.”

           Her intense stare immediately softened, which eventually evolved into a big smile, and waved at you.

           “Hi!”

           You were awestruck, and couldn’t even answer. You just turned your stunned gaze away from her and back on to Bucky.

           “Bucky…” you said under your breath.

“I’m gonna ask you again. Why am I here?”

…

           Bucky took you outside next to a pile of large concrete rocks to sit on which you were grateful for because you were feeling pretty dizzy, and even felt a little sick.

Who was she? Did he have a kid that he decided to never tell you about? Did he feel the need to take her for some reason? Those were all logical thoughts that any rational human could think up for this type of situation. Right? And also, why did the poor thing look like…the way that she did?

           But when you finally did get Bucky to talk, everything came out of his mouth exceeded anything that you could ever imagine. In fact, for a moment of time if felt as though you were watching Bucky say a bunch of nonsensical sentences pre-exploding brain aneurism.

           But the longer he continued to speak, you realized that he was serious. This wasn’t some type of psychiatric meltdown or a sick joke.

           You shook your head as he reached over to put a comforting hand on your upper arm.

           “I know it sounds crazy, Y/N but—”

           “Crazy? No,” you shuddered, pulling away.

           “Crazy would be telling me that, I don’t know, you had some kind of accident child with someone during our marriage and you’re just bringing her over to tell me for the first time.”

           He opened his mouth to say something but you shoved your index finger in his face to continue.

           “Crazy would be telling me that you found a literal child with superpowers and you just decided to take her to see what she’ll do. But you’re meaning to tell me that it’s not even a human?”

           “Y/N—”

“You’re meaning to tell me,” you said pointing to the door.

           “That I’m supposed to believe that some extremely powerful force of ‘cosmic energy’ formed itself into a little girl, and you decided to make the impulsive decision of just taking it with you?”  

           “It’s not like that, Y/N,” he replied.

           “I’ve known about her for a little over a year now.”

           You couldn’t lie, that shocked you a little bit.

           “A year?”

           “Listen,” he said.

           “A year and a half ago were investigating a situation in Norway. One thing led to another and we ended up in an underground science lab with two scientists observing some type of glowing anomaly in the shape of a cube that they were carefully monitoring and studying. Sam and I made it our responsibility to keep this hidden and make sure it stays hidden.”  

           “So what does this have to do with—”

           He stopped you from finishing your sentence.

           “Two months later they call us to fly over and it seems that overnight this glowing anomaly somehow formed itself into this little girl that calls herself Kobik.”

           If you didn’t trust him as much as you did, you would be calling bullshit at this point. You didn’t even know that these kinds of things were humanly possible. Granted, you also didn’t think it humanly possible for a bunch of aliens to pretty much destroy New York, or for another batch of aliens to come down and somehow make half of the earth’s—No, the universe’s population disappear. So you continued to listen.

           “A few days ago we get a notice that the lab’s been breached, and by the time we got there, the two scientists are dead. When we get there to check out the scene we find that the five grown men that broke in were also dead. And a minute later we found Kobik shaking all alone in a corner.”  

           Your heart broke for her for a split second. But then you let his words sink in before realizing...

           “Wait,” you said

           “You said the intruders were dead.”

           He nodded.

           “Who killed…”

           He knew that you knew that answer.

           “She had to defend herself,” he shrugged.

           “And how did she do that, Bucky? She’s tiny.”

           And that’s when you realized that there was even more to the story.

           “Once she took form, they made it their focus to study the extent of her powers along with her behaviors. She talks, plays, and overall acts like a child of the age that she took form in…But in the wrong hands she could be used and abused into being a powerful weapon.”

           “So why did you take it?” You asked.

“It obviously can defend itself.”

           He didn’t seem thrilled about you talking about it like it was an inanimate object.

           “We don’t know if it was a fluke or not. She may not know how to properly defend herself and won’t get so lucky the next time. Next thing you know she could end up in the wrong hands. And she was scared, Y/N. I…We couldn’t just leave her.”

           You stressfully ran your fingers against your scalp through your hair.  

           “So what now?” you asked.

“She’s going to just stay here? In this abandoned half build house?”  

“No.”  

“…So is Sam going to keep her somewhere?”

The longer he stared at you the dizzier you started getting, understanding what he was actually asking.

“Y/N,” he said softly.

“I’m the only one she trusts.”

His last words fell into the background as you suddenly leaned over and threw up the entirety of your lunch…maybe even breakfast.

He held your hair back until you finally stopped.

“Bucky, you’re not saying,” you croaked while wiping your mouth.

“Tell me you’re not saying that you want to take her in.”

“Y/N, she’s scared. And I’m the only one she trusts to be around.”

You shot up and involuntarily started shaking your head.

No. This was not happening. He was not bringing a lethal science experiment into our house.

The world began to spin again as you probably got up too quickly, but you were good at playing it off. Why couldn’t he just be normal and bring an abandoned puppy home or something?

Regardless, there was no way that this could happen. There was no way that you could let this happen. You didn’t know who was going to invade your house to try to come to collect it. Much worse, you didn’t know how dangerous this thing was. What it could do to either of you when you least expected. What if it…she got startled in the middle of the night and activated some type of lasers in her eyes and cut you in half?

So you said what you needed to say.  

“No.”    

“Y/N,” he replied sympathetically.

“I know that this may be a lot so suddenly but—”

“No!” you said again putting your foot down.

“We can’t…Not right now. It’s not a good time”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Damn it.

“This isn’t some abandoned puppy that you found across the road, James! You brought home this radioactive weapon that people, might I add, bad people are looking for. And they’re not even the ones that I’m scared of!”

“You’re not making any sense.”

“After all that just came out of your mouth in the past 15 minutes, you really just had the nerve to tell me that I’m the one that’s not making any sense?” you exclaimed.

“What doesn’t make any sense is that your excuse is that this isn’t the right time. What do you mean by it’s not the right time, Y/N?”

“We…I have a lot of serious shit going on right now, okay?”

“I thought you were taking time off of work,” he pointed out.

“I am, okay? It’s just…”  

You paused, you didn’t know what to say or even how to say it.

“Is there something that I need to know? What does timing have to do with anything?”

“I…well…” you stuttered.

“Spit it out, Y/N.”

You sighed in defeat. You didn’t have a choice now.

“Because damnit, Bucky!” you shouted, startling yourself by how loud you were. But there was no stopping now.

“I’m pregnant.”

[etheriadearie]

Shadow Weaver’s Death, Her True Abusiveness, And Her Final, Beautiful, Gift To Catra

::The resistance fighters stand in the failsafe chamber. Catra has just called Shadow Weaver out on her manipulation. Shadow Weaver reluctantly explains the danger of the failsafe, and then implores Adora to take it: even if she fails, Shadow Weaver says, she will save her friends, and the universe. As literally every other person in that room cries out against Adora taking the risk, Adora turns and says she will do it. Catra, dismayed, runs to her telling her that Shadow Weaver is sacrificing her, and demands to know why she's letting her do that. Adora tells Catra "Because even if she is, it's better than Prime getting the Heart and destroying the universe." Catra trembles in deathly fear, her face consumed in terrible realization: if Adora does as SW wishes, she will die. Shadow Weaver is trying to kill Adora. She knows this to her very soul, because... she is Shadow Weaver... And Adora is letting it happen…

Hi there, my name is Joel, and in this segment I'll be looking at Shadow Weaver's death, her being a child abuser, her terrible manipulations of Catra and Adora and the monstrous pains the two girls have to conquer to save themselves from her.

The main premise I'll be trying to explain here is that, like Horde Prime, Shadow Weaver is a villain of utmost seriousness. And, like Horde Prime, the girls will treat her as one, surpassing and defeating her once and for all. But it won't be with violence, but instead with love, creating a beautiful story of two people transcending their trauma and hurt through coming together over their love for one another.

I feel obliged to warn readers: this post will cover child abuse, even predatation (*not sexual, ie). It may be hard to read. Also warning: tl;dr, please consider at least sitting down to read this!

Finally, I know there are Shadow Weaver fans out there; that's good. Shadow Weaver is, at times, cool af. But, definitively a terrible person within the plot of the show.

So, even if you're a fan of Shadow Weaver, I still encourage you to read along because as we reveal her truth and the damage she deals to Catra and Adora, it makes her final moment so, so much more beautiful… and it gives entirely new meaning to her final... two… words….

Disclaimer time: Taking on Shadow Weavers death is ambitious for a first post, I know. But understanding her is crucial to understanding most of the major moments in this show. Still, I should say here that while this may seem a bit ‘head’ canon-y, I assure you my conclusions come from watching the show carefully and referencing the entirety of the rest of the show back to this one moment. I'm instead positing these as theories, and let's just say I feel I have the data, and Data Never Lies! Please *do* ask questions or seek calcifications in the comments or Ask me anything (I'm new to Tumblr).

----Part 1: Catra, Micah, and the Truth----

To start this journey we will travel backwards in the series to investigate the what and why of the terrible child abuse Catra suffered growing up under Shadow Weaver's care. We will be looking chiefly at the Light Spinner episode in the 2nd season. We will cover Catra's confrontation and SW's -supposed- explanation for her abuse, then the tale of Micah and Shadow Weaver's manipulation of him, and then the terrible truth of why Catra -really- was abused.

>A terribly alone Catra asks her abusive mother why she did it. Why did she treat her so badly ?

Shadow Weaver answers: "Because you remind me of myself. You always have. Nothing was ever easy for me either. I wasn't born to power like Adora and... others. I had to earn my power, fight for it. Why should it be any different for you?"

This is a very typical reason for an abuser to feel they are acting out their abuse on others: no one in this world understands my pain, so therefore I will inflict my pain upon a child so that they will know my pain as well. For many people this is essentially the truth of their abusers. I can't see any other reason for MY abusers to do what they did, other than this. It is, however, not the truth about Catra. We will discuss this in detail later.

We then watch as Catra does a very strong and eloquent job of rejecting and condemning it. She shows great emotional pain as she does so, and we know that her trauma is severe from watching her. Catra exclaims, her face full of emotional hurt and pain at Shadow Weaver's betrayal: "I was a child when you took me in. What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me? I am nothing like you. You are old, and bitter, and weak."

Everything she says is perfectly true. As a child, there is no way she could have deserved the abuse Shadow Weaver inflicted on her. There never is. And she's also right when she says she's not anything like Shadow Weaver. Where Shadow Weaver is an unfeeling monster (as we will see), Catra feels deeply. Catra is inherently good, and while she will make terrible mistakes to come, she feels intense remorse. Shadow Weaver simply does not.

So, Shadow Weaver gives Catra a believable reason for the abuse, which, again, is a lie. But... there is meaning which we need to take from her choice of words: Shadow Weaver feels others, like Adora and Micah, are given an unfair advantage over people like herself. We will come back to this important insight soon...

Before we get to the real, harsh truth of why Catra was abused, we need to understand the tale of Micah and ‘Light Spinner’-‘s manipulation of him to get power.

>The story of Micah seems to be full of whimsy and childlike innocence. A young boy is talented beyond his years, a true prodigy. SW trains him, giving him access to teachings beyond what a sorcerer of his age should have. She tells him he's special, a true talent, like her. When she tells him "the guild needs talents like OURS more than ever before" she manipulates him, making him feel apart, better than all the other students and teachers, and that only SW can understand. It's SW's greatest talent: dividing people against each other, and this is part of her lifelong manipulation of Catra and Adora. Note: Castaspella accuses SW of mind controlling Micah (s5e8) to which SW responds "My gifts were always far subtler than that” - SW controls young Micah through mind games.

>SW hints of something of great importance, but then says "you're not ready". Micah demands to know, he's a special boy after all, right? He's so incredibly naive and innocent, doing things like chewing on magic crystals and acting out in class. He is, in fact, exactly the kind of privileged child who SW so greatly hates. This is where we get real meaning out of SW's supposed explanation for abusing Catra: Micah has inborn power that SW feels he is unworthy of possessing...

She preys upon his naiveness, showing him the Horde army. He, of course, demands they be stopped, and he's playing right into her hands. When she tells him the plan and of the upcoming meeting she tells him "I only hope that Norwyn and his followers can see the threat as clearly as YOU do." Again, she is making him feel apart, as though he's better than others. After all, he's a special little prodigy, right ?

SW gives her presentation at the council, trying to prey upon their fear by saying that the Horde have a rune stone. As she speaks of the spell of obtainment, her eyes are full of lust at the idea of so much power. But it is forbidden, and for good reason. As she looks over her shoulder at Norwyn her look is severe, accusing. She has no respect for him. And he's right to say that the problem will be handled: the war, in fact, does become a stalemate and stays that way all the way up until we are first introduced to Catra and Adora. Angrily, greedily, she demands they get power so they can 'have a planet to protect'.

She fails to convince them, but of course Micah sees her leaving the meeting, angry and frustrated, so he comes to her aide. "They never listen to me. After all I've done I still haven't earned their trust". Again, SW is set apart from them. When she says "they just want to hold the rest of us back" she's including Micah, making him feel separate, better, like her. She's indoctrinating him in her plan.

>We get a scene between Catra and SW here, where Catra tries to get SW to give her a reason to save her. All SW wants to know is when she's being sent to Beast Island: she realizes she has to escape that night. She sets out to manipulate Catra into giving her the reagent she needs to escape. SW talks up how weak and powerless she is, preying on Catra's lingering pity, desire for connection. A emotionally desperate Catra unfortunately gives it to her. Catra tells her "you don't get to ask things of me anymore" but she's desperate and depressed, feeling totally alone after so recently seeing Adora and consequently nearly dying the episode before, only to be saved by Scorpia's caring about her.

>And apprehensive Micah asks SW if she's sure this is a good idea. She tells him "WE need this power, it's the only way to protect our people". It's a lie, but Micah thinks he's special because he's SW's apprentice, and so he agrees to do it.

As the spell begins to work, we see a terrifying eldritch horror type of creature summoned. It soon breaks free even as Micah helps SW try to contain it. SW acts surprised to see it, but she always knew this spell. Micah runs, and SW stays, yelling angrily at Micah for leaving. She experiences fear as it consumes her, but she knows it's part of getting her power. This is the price she pays to become powerful. She tells Micah he betrayed her by abandoning her and yet, what other possible outcome was there but for them BOTH to be destroyed or corrupted? Norwyn tries to stand up to her, telling her "bringing you into our ranks was a grave mistake". She counters calling him a fool. "You're all weak. None of you deserve my help".

I often see people say this show doesn't show death, but what happens next is undeniably so: it is murder. She annihilates two sorcerer's in one hit, consumes the head sorcerer to give her more magical power. It is pure evil. As she realizes her new power she exclaims "The spell worked. I am stronger than ALL of you." She menaces Micah.

This. Was. Always. The. Plan. The spell worked, she says so herself. Micah tries to defend himself weakly against her, he's entirely at her mercy. He expects death, but instead she caresses his cheek, touches his ear. Then she gives him a look of disdain. It's no mistake she covers half her face even at this point in her history, so we can't know her full emotions. But it's clear, she condescends to him: he was a naive little pawn, not meant to survive, or at minimum, he was supposed to become corrupted like her. But it doesn't matter. She got what she wanted. So she leaves him to live knowing what he's done. The tale of ‘Light Spinner’ has ended: her better persona was just an illusion, useful in her goal of obtaining more power. An empowered Shadow Weaver then shows up at the Fright Zone, killing the guard as a demonstration of power. She declares herself for Hordak, and at least a partial truth is apparent: she wanted the vampiric power so she could channel the Black Garnet. Changing sides bothers SW not at all.

I point out SW’s violence because it is the only time they show any graphic death in this show, and it's therefore meant to show that SW is different, and dangerous. There really was no ‘Light Spinner’, as at multiple moments during her time at Mystacor her true emotions show through (such as pic1, top) and they are both vile and malicious, to put it lightly. Furthermore, note that SW going to the Horde doesn't end up ensuring their victory over the princesses, so yes, in fact, SW was lying to Micah all along. Last, keep in mind Micah’s opinion of her later on: SW is never to be trusted.

Now it's time to get back to the real reason Catra was abused and it's important implications for Adora's abuse as well.

>The scene following Catra's confrontation with SW, we see baby Adora having just arrived in the Fright Zone. SW walks past her, not particularly interested... and yet she sees something in her. And so she takes interest. She knows, in some way, that Adora will wield powerful magic, and since it also becomes clear to us that SW knows all about the past history of She-ra and the Heart of Etheria, it's a logical jump to say she probably thinks Adora is She-ra. Either way, Adora is a powerful orphan child with inborn talent beyond any normal expectation.

Sound familiar? The tale of Micah is there to inform this moment: SW meeting baby Adora. She is in a position to wield ultimate control over a magically privileged child. And the implications are not good...

Apologies to readers here, this next part is intense. Just a quick warning. The total implication of this is that SW never loved Adora, just like she didn't care about Micah. It is all manipulation, and it should be noted that at this point SW has switched to a full mask, conveniently hiding all emotion except a sliver of her eyes (as well as hiding her corrupted features). It's now almost entirely impossible to accurately read her emotions. I don't think she wants you to, as she really has no feelings of actual compassion. She only sees Adora as a privileged child she will use and then discard for her own power.

This means she is, in fact, a child predator. In this case, she's a predator of children of privilege, but the effect is the same: she sees such children as easy targets for her to manipulate for her own gain. Worse, the strong emotional feelings which Adora naturally feels towards those around her makes her easier to control, and SW manipulates this vulnerability against her, as a child and then again as they are headed for the failsafe.

So, returning to the real truth of why SW abused Catra. Let's take a look back at Catra’s condemnation of SW's explanation for her abuse, and it's just one line we need to understand: "I was a child, what could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me?" As it turns out, Catra -did- do something, and you have to adore and appreciate this show because we don't get this answer until the very end. Before season 5 was available, it would simply be impossible to understand Catra's story fully. The creators want you to come full circle of so many understandings, the story is that deep.

It's that one, beautiful, follow on line when Catra confesses her love to Adora- She says "I always have"...

Adora was Shadow Weaver's tool, her next prey. So, along comes Catra, who experiences romantic love for Adora right from the start. Beautiful, total love and devotion. SW sees this, and she decides that she can't let Catra be a hindrance to her plans. And yet she knows she can't kill Catra outright or risk losing Adora's affection. So she hurts Catra, tries to make her weak, to diminish her. She is trying to crush Catra's spirit, her will to live, all while making sure to instill a sense of duty and ambition in Adora which makes her less available to Catra. The abuse works, but not on Catra. Catra stays loyal to Adora, and is so secretly strong within herself in such a way that SW fails to destroy her spirit, although Catra has such incredible trauma from it that we see her struggle with it throughout the rest of the series.

But the abuse does work on Adora and so she grows apart from Catra in such a way that Catra eventually comes to feel Adora doesn't love her. And when Adora so clearly breaks the final half of the promise she made to Catra, Catra too, grows apart from Adora.

Catra therefore represents a person in this story who would have been so entirely below SW's notice that had she not loved Adora the way she did, SW would never have taken the time to hurt her. It wouldn't have been worth her time, and Catra would have had a happy(ish) childhood if not for loving Adora. By the way, this truth of SW's abuse of Catra is indeed confirmed in the show, but we don't have time to cover it here and it deserves its own theory post, anyways.

Before we get back to s5 let's take a brief moment to address SW's abuse of Adora: Adora is the kind of person who can't help but empathetically feel the pain of others when they feel it, and it's what makes her to be so unable to balance her own needs against those of others who are hurting. And so SW making Adora have ambition, to want to win at the expense of others, is actually a frightening manipulation. SW teaches Adora to believe she has to do this in order to be the leader, and then as the leader she must protect everyone else from harm. Adora goes on to show great emotional confusion over this, as she doesn't really feel she’s qualified to be that leader. It makes her feel alone from everyone else, and makes Adora worry about every decision she makes. SW essentially saddles Adora with a lonely burden of leadership, one which she's not well suited for. Adora has a very ADHDish (I’m no expert on ADHD) response to this where she bounces around trying to satisfy everyone else’s feelings, such as within their unit, and so her relationship with Catra suffered because of this.

To sum up, the abuses SW inflicts on the two of them results in their division from each other, and it's a division which tries to tear down both girls spiritually throughout this series. They each have specific traumas relating to Shadow Weaver's abuse of them. These are different, damaging fears SW instilled in each of them to make them easier to control. Because of this, both girls contribute to their separation to the two different sides of the war, and it's only through the great emotional learning of each of them that they are able to start putting it back again in season 5. And so, we will see that when SW returns in season 5, she immediately tries to pick up where she left off… to drive them apart from each other and manipulate them, once again, for her own gain.

Side note #2 before we get back to season 5: SW has a complete and total lack of love for Catra as well. Her callous manipulation of Catra, followed by leaving the fright zone like she did, was a spiritual blow and then a death sentence for Catra. SW would know this and yet she simply did not care. Furthermore, when they meet in Moment of Truth (s3ep4), SW again tries to kill Catra, only stopping short because Glimmer can't withstand the magical drain SW is taking from her. She's just not good people... And if she has such a total lack of love or compassion for Catra, it's a logical jump that she has just as little love and feeling for Adora.

Anyways... let's work on that season 5, phew, I know this is long. We're not done yet, though...

----Part 2: The present up till SW’s Death----

Alright, so returning back to season 5 where we began...

Catra is certain that SW is killing Adora. And the reason Catra is so certain of this is because she understands this fundamental truth behind the childhood abuse of of her and Adora. She knows that SW intended to use Adora, and was grooming her in order to use her to gain more power. And, she knows the true nature of SW’s abuse of Catra herself, that it was meant to destroy her so she wouldn't get in the way of SW using Adora.

How exactly Catra knows this I won't cover here, it would take too long and it deserves its own theory post. But, it is pretty well confirmed in the show as well. No distractions! Moving on...

So… when Adora tells Catra she will take the failsafe even though SW is killing her, it's Catra’s knowledge that SW is for certain doing this to Adora which leads Catra to shake in fear, and then refuse Adora once she returns with the failsafe. This moment goes much deeper than just Catra knowing she can't live without Adora, although that is also true.

Ok so here it is, the big theme we will now delve into, that explains so much:

The all important, crucial thing that Catra isn't seeing is that in order for SW to sacrifice Adora, it is entirely dependent on abusive manipulations is SW doing to both of them, starting from the moment they first see SW in season 5, which are intended to make sure Adora doesn't survive deploying the failsafe.

I know it's a tough implication to accept, but I promise to explain. So why? Why would SW not want Adora to survive? This, atleast, should be obvious: She-ra could stop SW once she has the power, so She-ra is an enemy that SW needs to eliminate to achieve ultimate power. So, SW's goal is to get Adora to bring the failsafe to the heart, but then be too weak to survive the process... leaving SW the uncontested champion by her magical vampiric powers. And so... SW manipulates the two girls, doing her most familiar trick: driving them apart, making them feel isolated from each other.

Her manipulations begin from the very moment Catra and Adora see her in season 5, and they continue up until Adora accepts the failsafe and a bit beyond.

So let's lay this out from the beginning, shall we? Episode 10: When SW walks into the room, saying she knows where the failsafe is, Catra is at first surprised at her appearance, she's thrown off guard. Catra very much wanted to stop SW once and for all, but never got the chance. And now, the new, more feeling Catra is faced with her oldest enemy: she can't hide her hatred and anger at her. It pretty much takes everything she's got not to violently attack her right there and then. But this new Catra isn't going to sink to that low. And yet... SW will intentionally aggravate and attack Catra to reactivate her trauma.

What I find very interesting about that scene, though, is that both Glimmer and Adora immediately look to Catra, knowing she will be upset, both trying to help her. And yet, it's Glimmer who looks first.

Even though Glimmer never says it out loud, Glimmer knows SW played and manipulated Glimmer herself, and that her manipulations were ultimately the reason that Glimmer made the mistake of activating the Heart, which brought Horde Prime's fleet down upon Etheria. Glimmer also watched SW torture and almost kill Catra in s3ep4, so I think Glimmer knows very well how dangerous SW is and how badly she's hurt Catra in the past. Instead, we can take the story of Glimmer and SW as another stand out example of how, once again, we saw SW manipulate someone, Glimmer in this case, with no concern for her well being.

>Adora is also thrown off by SW's reappearance, she doesn't enjoy seeing her either. But then, she also sympathetically looks to Catra, knowing this is a hurtful moment for her. All of this is to say that Catra actually has strong allies against SW, unlike in the past. And it's very important that Adora is such a staunch ally to Catra against SW, in fact it's everything. But, Adora doesn't quite do a good enough job in showing Catra how strongly aligned she, too, is against SW. Unintentional though it may be, as we will see.

>Episode 11: Continuing on, Glimmer immediately opposes SW's desire to use the heart's power. Castaspella tries to say SW is the lesser of evils, but of course, Castaspella is just a pawn. Catra jumps on Casta's words, calling SW evil... SW taunts her back mockingly and we see Catra's anger start to get out of control. But, Adora knows, one way or another, that SW is the root of all of Catra's pain, and so she comforts her, showing her that she sees her pain, and that she's got her back.

Again, it's very important that Adora is Catra's greatest ally against SW, as she has learned to treat SW as a de facto enemy because she has seen the pain and torment Catra experienced because of SW’s abuse; in addition to her own knowledge of how SW manipulated herself as a child.

>Adora confronts SW, asking why she even needs their help getting the failsafe. SW answer is a lie, but plays to her manipulation of Casta, who she needs: she says she can't get past Micah. (Note: who she actually needs is Adora.) As SW tells her plan she leans into Adora's emotional fears of letting others get hurt and reminds Adora she has to be the hero, SW even touches Adora, which we see Catra react angrily to. But, SW successfully manipulates Adora into accepting her plan, and Catra can't stand to watch it as she knows it must somehow be a dangerous manipulation. Catra quietly leaves to try to process her anger. We then see Adora slap SW's hand away, showing defiance, but as Catra has left, she probably doesn't see that. Adora looks around and sees that Catra is gone, which SW responds to by trying to manipulate her into leaving Catra behind, as she knows Adora is more vulnerable without Catra around. But Adora is wary of SW's manipulations, and goes after Catra. SW is aggravated by this.

>The two girls have a very good, emotional talk about SW. Catra is dismayed, but Adora is always brave for others, so she tells her she's got to try. Adora acknowledges Catra's pain, their pain, from SW's abuse. Ultimately Adora convinces Catra to come. Together, Adora says SW can't hurt them anymore. Catra reminds Adora how dangerous SW is, but the girls have reaffirmed their bond, their promises to each other. Which is important later, as this will come up again.

>As they infiltrate Mystacore, Catra is apprehensive and stays at the back. But as the mission progresses she drifts towards the front, trying to be the lookout so she can protect Adora. This, unfortunately, puts her in physical proximity to SW when they check the ritual chamber. Catra checks the chamber, but then a sorcerer appears out of nowhere (literally, how??) and SW grabs her in a way that's very reminiscent of s1ep2, traumatizing her.

I can't help but conclude SW is being intentionally hurtful in order to unnerve Catra. She could have just pointed, or put her hand to Catra's mouth, after all. Catra throws herself away from SW, demanding she not touch her, and makes the mistake of dropping the spell and revealing their presence. Look closely at this scene and you see Adora actually shows great anger, even violent intent towards SW for doing this to Catra, but it's so quick Catra probably doesn't see it, as she's staring down SW instead.

Under a track, Adora tries to become She-ra, but she's too emotionally conflicted since the episode before when they returned to the Fright Zone and Adora started to realize she's been letting Catra down, leaving her hanging. And SW's hurting of Catra also blocks Adora, she's trying to help Catra and yet she's accepting SW's guidance again, which she knows Catra hates and doesn't trust.

>As they pass through the door and continue down a corridor, Adora sees Catra is in emotional pain and holding herself, so she lends her emotional support. She knows SW touching her was incredibly abusive. She tells Catra that it'll be ok, and to trust her, hitting her with her dearest look of love and care for her. She knows SW is Catra's enemy, and she's got her back. Catra looks back, trying to trust her, to put her fear aside. But the moment is cut short when SW interrupts them, guilting Catra for revealing their presence. Adora walks on, saying they have to keep moving, and her face says she's doing it to stop SW from talking to Catra, but again, Catra doesn't see Adora's face. Catra feels left behind, that the moment was cut short. It's by the barest off margins Catra is missing how strongly Adora is coming down against SW for her sake.

> We get more information about SW's corruption next, that it's a way to bypass the crystal of Arxia and get at Heart of Etheria's energy, and we know this because it's discussed immediately after Castaspella tells them about the crystal of Arxia. So, if the magic is released, SW will have practically unlimited power. SW just mocks Casta when she tries to guilt SW over using the spell, she gives no apology. We see both Catra and Glimmer seemingly have a deeper realization about SW and her powers and that both of them look disturbed by it.

>Continuing on, we get the scene where Catra saves Adora from fire, which is so cute but I'll skip the romantic implications: as Catra walks through the fire, Adora stops and frets over not knowing what to do about Catra, how to give her what she wants. Adora is worried she's going to fail, that she could die. It's Adora's biggest, lifelong fear as the bearer of She-ra, and she struggles with it continuously throughout the series. To her, it therefore doesn't make sense to her to get Catra's hopes up too soon.

>Adora's thoughts naturally turn to her inability to transform... and SW pounces on the opportunity in order to exploit it.

Consider now, if Adora's problem is becoming She-ra, why does SW immediately give her a hard time about Catra, instead? Adora rejects SW's criticism, but SW flips the conversation telling Adora she can't be a weak She-ra and seemingly blaming it all on Catra. She tells Adora that her weakness means she's letting everyone else down. SW tells her she has to focus, and Catra makes her weak. This is terribly the opposite of the truth and SW knows this. What she’s really doing is a deep manipulation of Adora that leans on her early abuse of her: Adora has to be perfect for everyone else, and as she's the only one who can do it, she's totally alone in this burden. The truth is that Adora has always needed other people, that's where she draws strength from. Catra loves Adora simply for who she is: she represents the strongest, smartest and most dedicated person, ie, she's the most powerful person to help Adora with her emotional need for support.

Which SW knows, so she does her best to try to separate them, to make Adora think she's alone. SW does this by grouping Catra with everyone else: save everyone, or no one. Then she delivers a direct assault of Adora spiritually by saying "the world needs She-ra right now, not Adora". She's telling Adora that she doesn't matter, only She-ra matters, and she needs to be willing to give it all up to be that hero. We see Adora search SW's face, she's not satisfied and then she does her best to reject her, pulling her hand away in anger while saying she will stop Prime “no matter what.” Catra is eavesdropping on this, but can't see that Adora stands up to SW so strongly... as usual. Catra knows SW is up to no good with it, though. Doubt takes root in Adora, and it aggravates her fears that she's not good enough to be She-ra.

>Arriving at the failsafe chamber, SW gives away just how much she already knows about the Heart. SW explains the failsafe, and so we know she always planned on getting Adora to accept the failsafe, risking it all. Adora approaches, trying to be brave for everyone else.

One of Catra's most important moments follows: she stops Adora from accepting the failsafe, and calls SW out for her bullshit. She's not going to let Adora walk into a trap when she knows better. Catra flips it on SW, telling her to take the failsafe, making SW tell them why it's dangerous, why SW won't do it herself. She points out how SW knows too much, yet didn't pursue the power of the failsafe. Catra is totally certain that SW wants to hurt Adora, and so she's calling her out to get SW to reveal her manipulation of Adora.

SW instead tries to guilt Adora, saying she alone understands that this is the only way to stop Prime. But Catra stands firm, she protects Adora from SW's manipulation as best she can.

Confronted and trapped by Catra's having seen through her plan, we see literally every person in the room ally themselves against SW. SW is forced to admit the truth: using the failsafe will mean death even for She-ra, if she isn't strong enough.

And so Adora realizes what's coming, that She-ra is the only one who can do it. She's terrified and sad at the thought that this could, will, be her end; that she really will have to give it all up for everyone else. She's always thought she'd have to. It's a deep held belief that she's alone in her burden as She-ra.

Adora asks the obvious question: What happens if I die? SW's next words prey upon Adora's every weakness, her lack of belief in her self worth, and innate need to protect others: "Then the magic will be restored to Etheria, through your sacrifice. You will give us the power to bring us to victory. Prime will be defeated. Your friends will be free." SW is listing out every last thing that will happen if Adora doesn't do it, and each is a part of her greatest fears. Adora is unable to resolve between her distrust of SW and need to protect and be brave for everyone else's sake. SW has her trapped by her own emotions.

Catra looks on, watching the manipulation, seeing the consequences of Adora attempting this. Everything about this moment speaks to manipulations SW has used on Adora before: she preys on emotional need and weakness, she isolates Adora in her burden, she even does the dreaded ear touch. If Adora does what SW says, Catra knows it'll be the death of her.

As SW completes her manipulation, everyone in the room cries out against the unfair decision Adora must make. And yet, Adora doesn't see a choice. Catra puts it best, saying: "you don't care about Adora, Adora can't even care about herself!"

But Bow's words also have meaning: "Theres no way we're risking Adora like that." For all that Bow and Glimmer have done for Adora, she's still supposed to be the champion that's going to save them. They need things from her, not simply Adora as herself. All in all, Bow and Glimmer did their absolute and kindest best to help Adora, often emotionally supporting her through her depressions and fears of not being a good She-ra. But in the end, they still needed her to be She-ra.

But Catra is different, all she wants is Adora, and for her to be safe and loved, and ideally, to be with her. Catra's opinion in this moment is the true one, the most honest. But Adora can't overcome the thought of failing everyone, and so she pushes forward, saying she will take the failsafe.

Adora is feeling alone, trapped by fate. Catra runs to her, literally shaking her in order to try to convey how sure she is that Adora is going to die if she does this. But Adora can't let the universe die, and she's She-ra. She (Adora) doesn't matter. It's only what she can do to try to fix things for others that matters, her hero's burden. Adora pushes Catra's hands off her, in a lifetime of pain and sorrow Catra has never looked so sad. Adora really is pushing her away, not seeing how seriously Catra feels, how badly she needs Adora to understand her in this moment. A dissociated Adora looks internally, accepting her fate, alone again, isolated.

Maybe Catra could have found a way to get through to Adora, but they run out of time. A chipped Micah shows up and begins to systematically defeat them, and Adora has no more time to choose. SW is easily taken down by Micah, it shows his anger at her. He taunts her, she's got nowhere to hide. This is interesting, but not our focus..

Adora again tries to summon She-ra and fails. She simply can't resolve between her sense of failure to Catra and her need to be brave for everyone else. She looks to Catra, decides to do the brave thing as herself, not as She-ra, even if it means she will fail, and hurt Catra. After all, since she’s She-ra, she has to try, right? This is her burden.

As SW turns to Adora and says "the failsafe... we... we can't" Adora is pressed by urgency, doing what she can. Catra tries one last desperate plea: "Please. It doesn't always have to be you!" Adora can't accept this, internally she is certain she has to save everyone. Even if this includes SW herself, and so when Catra later says Adora chose SW, not her in this moment, Catra is right, except that Adora believed she had no choice. Adora is also the only one in this moment who can reach the failsafe, and so it seems like fate is against her. Adora knows she's probably choosing to die, and if she does, she knows Catra will probably die of a broken heart as well. She really does choose SW over Catra, in a way. It's a tough moment, but taking the failsafe is the right thing to do, given the circumstances.

Receiving the failsafe is intense, and as Adora tries to withstand it, Micah binds the entire party with dark magic. Interestingly, this means SW indoctrinated Micah more than we're shown, and now that he's chipped, he is uninhibited.

Adora sees everyone is in danger, if she doesn't come through now it's all over. It gives her that singular focus she needs, summoning She-ra is easy because if she doesn't, Catra, all of them, are about to die.

Failsafe achieved, Micah vanquished, Adora offers Catra her hand, she's trying to show Catra she's there for her, they are together. But Catra rejects her, she's too sure that SW has won, that Adora will die. In this moment all the old trauma Catra carries is too strong, and SW has unnerved her too greatly. As Catra runs from her, Adora realizes that Catra was trying to tell her something deeper, but somehow she's missed it.

>Catra watches Adora sleep, she's emotionally distraught at the thought of her dying. So, she tries to sneak away. Adora finds out, and manages to confront Catra before she can leave. This is one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful scenes about love in this show, but I'll just cover how SW's manipulations come into play...

>Adora tackles Catra, and demands she explain why she’s leaving. Catra throws SW's words back at Adora, that she's a distraction, that she makes Adora too weak to be She-ra. Catra knows this was a unfair manipulation by Shadow Weaver, but she couldn't see, only hear, what happened between Shadow Weaver and Adora. She doesn't know that Adora rejected Shadow Weaver so strongly, both spiritually and by violently pulling away from her. Adora tries her best to get Catra to see that she's not doing this because of Shadow Weaver's manipulation, that she's trying to rise above SW's control of her. But Catra pushes her away, instead trying to speak to a more central truth: Adora's need to serve everyone else's needs, her inability to regulate her desire to make things better for others who are hurting or will get hurt, and balance that against her own needs and safety. She's speaking to the part of Adora which Shadow Weaver is exploiting to get what she wants from her, to control her. It doesn't really matter in this moment to Catra whether Adora is doing it for Shadow Weaver or not, because either way Adora is allowing Shadow Weaver to win. Catra wants Adora to be better than a slave to her emotional need to help others no matter the cost or danger. She's asking Adora to be strong in herself in a way Adora has never been able to be. She challenges her, asking "What do you want, Adora?" The obvious answer, Catra believes, is her. But Adora is too worried she will die and let Catra down to let her romantic feelings about Catra manifest and make it real between them, and taking the failsafe has made Adora all the more doubtful of her own survival. Adora counters "I have to do this Catra, I'm the only one who can." It's all to say that Adora is alone in her burden, and she accepts it and its consequences because she's She-ra. Adora doesn't believe she has value, or deserves happiness unless she can save everyone, including Catra.

Adora believes as She-ra, she is totally alone in her burden. This is wrong of course, Catra does see her and understands her burden, and is the one person in the world who wishes to share that load with her, unlike the other princesses who need Adora to be a hero and save them. But both girls are weak from their deep traumas which Shadow Weaver has reaggravated, and they can't overcome them. Catra resigns herself to the belief that Adora is unable to rise above her most basic emotional need to serve others, telling her "Then do it. That's what you want, that's what you'll always choose." She can't stand to watch Adora kill herself so willingly to serve everyone else, all while letting SW win. She rejects Adora, and turns to leave. Adora desperately begs Catra to stay, wanting her to uphold their promise and telling her she needs her, but is unable to vocalize her desire to be with Catra romantically. Meanwhile, in Catra's mind, Adora is just going to let herself die, and if she does, then Adora never really needed her after all... all Adora cares about is being She-ra. It's harsh, but true... even if what she's doing about it is so wrong.

It's a painful moment for both of them, and it's horrible because Catra is so clearly breaking their promise, the one that Adora restored to Catra she came to rescue her from Horde Prime. And yet, her leaving will work in the end. Catra gets Adora to see how crucial it is that she not let Shadow Weaver win, to let Shadow Weaver get whatever she wants by taking that cost from Adora's own life. And it's how Adora finally becomes too strong for Shadow Weaver to ever manipulate again.

>As Adora returns to camp, still crying from Catra's abandonment, Shadow Weaver tries to swoop in and make her manipulations of Adora take their final hold. She tells Adora she "made the right choice, don't let Catra convince you otherwise, she's never understood." Dreaded ear touch and all. By saying Catra can't understand, Shadow Weaver tries to make Adora feel alone in her burden as She-ra, seeking to weaken her spirit. But we see a total shift in Adora's attitude as she rejects SW’s cruelty and manipulations entirely. Her words carry incredible weight and speak to how she's so clearly seen through SW's malicious manipulations of the two of them. "Stop. I will never forgive you. You ruin people. You ruin any chance they could ever be happy." Adora just watched Catra reject her and abandon her because she couldn't stand to lose Adora again over SW's manipulations. It's by knowing Catra's pain that Adora is able to finally deny Shadow Weaver any sliver of control over her. As always, Adora couldn't do it for herself, she couldn't resolve between her deeper need to save everyone and SW's plans to use her for her own gain. But Adora is strong for others, and so she's strong for Catra. By leaving, Catra has given Adora the ability to rise above any manipulation Shadow Weaver can do to her.

Adora stands up to Shadow Weaver once and for all in her next words: "I'm going to take the failsafe to the heart, and I'm going to save Etheria. But I am not doing it for you. I'll do everything I can to make sure you never get your hands on the magic." (pic1, fyi) Note the exact words Adora speaks here as we will return to them later, they are important. While Adora has seen past SW’s manipulations, and seen that Shadow Weaver only ever desired power, she doesn't realize how SW's childhood abuse of her and attempts to manipulate her in the present are making her too weak to survive deploying the failsafe. To get past that, Catra must help Adora.

EPISODE 12: We watch as Adora struggles to become She-ra, but eventually manages it. She's seen through SW's plan after all, and so she does her best to believe she is strong enough to win on her own, to survive the heart. But she misses Catra desperately. She rallies her people, and ends her speech by saying resolutely that she will take the failsafe to the Heart and destroy it. It's an incredible speech, Adora has become a wonderful leader, but then she looks up and sees Shadow Weaver hiding in the back. As SW meets her gaze, She-ra's form falters and we see Adora's face for a split second. She's furious at her, that she hurt Catra so badly that she ran away.

Adora moves away from the group so they don't see her lose her She-ra form because of the turmoil she feels over Shadow Weaver and losing Catra. Bow and Glimmer check on Adora, knowing she has a tendency to try to sneak away so people won't see her risk her life. Glimmer is perceptive and asks about Catra, she knows it's Catra that Adora needs, that her being gone is tearing Adora up inside. Glimmer is a great friend to the both of them. Adora voices concern for their safety if they come with her, but Bow and Glimmer know Adora needs support. And so they will try their best, even though they know Adora is heartbroken from Catra leaving her.

>Buoyed by their support, Adora goes to the ruins to try to face her final task, to overcome it through her own strength alone. Bow and Glimmer take her hands, we see Adora does her best to set her fear aside. And yet, as they enter she wonders where Catra is, whether she will come back to honor their promise.

>Catra looks back, also experiencing pain over their separation. She has not been able to overcome her trauma, and manage her feelings. Well isn't it just nice to have a telepathic therapy pet! Melog stops, and forces her to actualize her feelings and process them. At first Catra tries to deny them, saying she won't go back, but Melog sits on her. She cries, saying out loud her deepest feelings. Let's take this one in steps. "You saw what happened, A-Adora chose Shadow Weaver, not me". In a very real sense Adora did do this, she pushed Catra away in the failsafe chamber. She ignored Catra's warnings and, in Catra's mind, committed herself to death at the hands of SW's manipulation. The next line is one of the most important in the series, but we will only cover it briefly as it's romantic implications are best discussed elsewhere: "Adora doesn't want me, not like I want her." We get to see one of the most honest truths about Catra: she is an intensely romantic person, and has always had the most incredible dreams of them being together. But a lifetime of pain has told Catra that it can't be real, or atleast, not for her. It is deep seated trauma that blocks her, trauma Shadow Weaver started and then aggravated against her, making her leave Adora just moments before. Catra is, in a word, furious that she's come this far, having dared to dream once again that the two of them could be together and in love, only to have SW come in and take that from her once again.

Let's take a moment to consider how Catra is doing as she adapts to her new emotional way of dealing with the world, as she has shifted her perspective since rejoining Adora: The old Catra might have simply struck SW down, maybe even killed her to remove the threat. But now, Catra doesn't want to do that but is expected to trust in Adora’s ability to overcome the threat through her inner strength, and the through the strength of her community. But, as far as Catra could see, Adora just accepted her death as necessary rather than fighting SW’s manipulations. And this worries her, and it's why it's so important to Catra that she not let Shadow Weaver win, so Catra leaves to make sure Adora gets the message. She's wrong to do this, and she realizes this after opening up to Melog. Adora needs Catra to have faith in her, because without her support, there's no chance Adora overcomes what Shadow Weaver is trying to do to her.

>Glimmer watches the doubt play across Adora's face. She doesn't know how to make it better, since Catra isn't with them. She asks her if she's scared, and Adora answers back as truthfully as she can: "No, I just really hope this works." She's putting on a good face while trying to believe there's a chance, but when Bow tells her it's going to be a whole new world when she's done, Adora doubts. Can she even survive? Will Catra be gone forever? The next scene is, of course, very romantic. We see that Adora has always loved Catra, just like Catra loves Adora. The magic is trying to remind Adora of her own desires, her wants. Let's not get too distracted though: as Adora moves on, vowing to not let the magic distract her, we see her She-ra form falter, she's still fighting despair and loneliness. Bow and Glimmer don't know what to do...

>Catra sees Horde Prime begin hacking the planet and knows Adora is in grave danger of not succeeding in her last, unselfish mission before Prime stops her. Catra can't let this happen, also, since Melog has helped her process her emotional pain, she's ready to support Adora in any way she can, even if it means her hopes and dreams of them being together will be unfulfilled. She tries to rush to her side.

>Adora is panicking and unable to resolve her feelings of failure to Catra, She-ra is in danger of fading again. She sees the sword as she saw it back when she first left Catra, her hand goes to the failsafe on her chest, the thing that made Catra reject her after she accepted it. She tells Bow and Glimmer she can't escape her destiny. The words "I'm losing her" speak to a deep held belief by Adora that she's not worthy of survival because she feels that she has never been able to help the one person she truly loves, making her no hero. All of the manipulations of Shadow Weaver, Horde Prime, even Light Hope are crushing down on her. She believes she has to accept her fate, to die to fulfill her duty as She-ra. It's the price she has to pay for not being good enough, for hurting Catra when she left her to become She-ra. She thanks Bow and Glimmer for their love and support. "I never could have done any of this without you." Bow and Glimmer did everything they could to prop Adora up, get her out of her depressions when she felt she wasn't good enough to be She-ra. But they still needed her to be She-ra, and therefore they can't help her get past her deepest insecurities. To do that, she needs someone who has unconditional love for her. She needs Catra. Adora leaves Bow and Glimmer behind, trying to protect them, so that only she will have to die.

>Catra finds Shadow Weaver patiently waiting to receive her power, to be able to achieve dominion over everyone else. SW tells Catra "She's gone to the heart of Etheria to free the magic and become the hero she was born to be." The dead hero, that is. As SW tries to guilt Catra, calling her selfish, she glares back. She stands up to SW, rejecting the manipulation: "Enough! This isn't about you and your messed up power trip anymore!”

In this moment, Catra shows us how clearly she understands SW's goal. She calls her out perfectly. She tells SW that Prime is infecting the planet to take the heart, which changes everything, including for SW.

>As Catra leads SW, having forced her to cooperate, they see Prime's broadcast and Catra knows they have to act. She demands SW take them to Adora, and doesn't accept her lies. She knows SW can do it with magic, and demands she comply. Her words hit home "So do something good with it for once and help me save Adora before it's too late." Notice the similarity to when Glimmer asks Catra to be better on Horde Prime’s ship. SW is trapped, she has to comply. If Adora doesn't reach the heart, no magic for SW, universe ends. Catra accepts SW's hand, though it hurts her to do so.

>Catra and SW arrive in the corridor. As Catra gets the truth from Glimmer, she's dismayed. "Of course she's gone, that's what she does, isn't it?" She knows in this moment that Adora is consumed by fear, her inadequacies. As she finishes briefing Bow and Gimmer on the situation, she tells them she will stay to help Adora, and she invokes their promises to each other. It's an important moment, as it is the two of them together, their promises to each other, that gives them the strength to surpass SW's manipulations of them. Glimmer knows Catra is in love with Adora, so she leaves Adora in Catra's care. Bow’s words are important as well, speaking to the power of the Best Friend Squad. It gives Catra a boost to her morale, a belief that maybe there's a chance she and Adora can overcome the odds they face.

>Adora looks out over Etheria, seeing its beauty. Mara joins her. Adora tries to promise Mara that she will save the world, everyone, at any cost. Mara flat out rejects this as wrong, she doesn't let Adora promise. Mara confronts Adora on her decision to die for everyone else. When Mara asks her what she wants, Adora says it doesn't matter, that she's She-ra. Again, an isolationist view, a lonely burden, just like SW wants her to believe. Mara tells Adora that she, Adora, has value as a person, not only as a hero, and that she deserves love, too. As Mara tells to not lose hope, Adora is emotionally moved but you can tell she's still struggling to accept Mara’s words because of her feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Mara manages to pass some courage to her, but then Horde Prime cuts them short.

Prime leans into Adora’s fears, threateningly. Like SW, he knows how to exploit her. He was in Catra's head and so he knows what Catra knows. He tells her that her failure is imminent, that she is already defeated, like the other She-ra's. The guardian monster then strikes and infects Adora, and she finally loses her grip on her She-ra form. He tells her even her own people didn't want her to make it to the heart, telling her the whole world is against her, and that she's totally alone. She tries to counter this with defiance, but the virus has her. She knows she's in trouble.

----Part 3: Final Moments, and Death, of SW----

>Episode 13. Adora is in pain, trying to understand the nature of the infection. The monster towers over her, it has only to reach out to deal the killing blow, she's defenseless. Suddenly Catra shows up, engaging the monster. Adora's only concern is for Catra's safety, telling her to leave her because it's too dangerous. But Catra has decided: she will do whatever it takes to give Adora her chance to save the universe, if that's what she wants. Even if it means Adora has to die. She tells SW to get Adora to the heart, which Adora objects to. SW is looking closely at Adora and seeing her illness, evaluating. As Adora begs for Catra to not leave her, Catra tells Adora she'll catch up. After all, they are the best friend squad. Bow's words have given Catra a small amount of hope that maybe it'll be ok. Adora, now that Catra has finally shown up, is desperate to not lose her again, and knows fighting this monster is too dangerous for her alone. But she's sick, and unable to help her. SW takes Adora unwillingly towards the heart.

>Catra is doing her best, but the monster is too much, even for her. She tries to slip away, seeing the virus continuing to spread. She's trying to get to Adora, who’s alone with SW. Horde Prime stops her (no keep running!!) and she gets caught. He mocks her, telling her he expected better. But Catra has already surpassed his greatest expectations, and she'll stop him yet... as the monster catches her, she cries out in anguish. It seems the cruelty of the universe has caught up to her again, after all...

>As SW tries to bring Adora to the heart, Adora's sickness is rapidly advancing. She demands SW wait, but she's too weak to resist. The thought of losing Catra again is weakening her spirit and allowing the virus to take over. SW tells her not to lose her focus, she's still hoping Adora will deploy the failsafe before dying. But then the virus seemingly attacks Adora's heart and SW watches the failsafe nearly fade out. SW looks up, she's close enough to already siphon power from the heart. Her lust for power is apparent.

As Adora hears Catra’s scream, she forcefully pushes herself from SW, and starts to go back for Catra. SW calls for her to wait, but Adora leaves her behind.

This is it, the turning point. The great moment of truth: SW now realizes, in utter totality, that she's never going to get to have the power. It's one of the most important moments in the series, and what happens next is the culmination of all of the hard emotional growth the two girls have been doing.

>>Quick interjection: we’re about to get emotional here... (well, I do). Just a light suggestion to check your surroundings. <<

Shadow Weaver now realizes that, even if she were to drag Adora to the heart, she would be too sick and heartbroken to deploy it. It's over for SW, either she dies now, with everyone else in the end of the universe, or she dies giving everyone else, including the girls, a future.

Remember as well, Adora has told SW that she would do everything she can to make sure she never gets the power. Adora is too strong against SW's manipulations, something Adora learned from seeing the pain Shadow Weaver caused Catra through her abuse. I mentioned that the exact words Adora used when she rejected SW the night before were important, so let's return to them: Adora told SW she would deploy the failsafe, and also that she will block SW from getting the power for herself. But as she said all of this, about saving the world, the universe, she doesn't say one, very important, word.

Promise.

Adora may have dedicated herself to being She-ra, but somehow in that moment she knew not to promise to SW that she would deploy the failsafe to save the universe, instead only saying that she was going to find a way, while making sure SW doesn't get the power. We saw that Adora later tried to make this particular promise to Mara, but Mara threw that out, telling Adora to be better, to rise above her lack of self belief.

A promise was made, though. She promised Catra. Their beautiful, childhood promise, the one she so casually broke way back when, her greatest mistake. And so Adora goes back for Catra, to be there for her, to try to help. If this Catra's end, she will be there for her... even if the cost is this high. She can't just let her die alone. She is honoring their promise...

And so… Adora finally… after all this time, puts Catra above her duty as She-ra. Her love for Catra is more important than fulfilling her heroic duty, and so SW can no longer manipulate her into giving up her life so SW can get the power. The girls have, in fact, transcended her manipulations, and as Adora leaves SW standing by the heart, SW is totally alone and without anything, anyone, left. She is, in fact, defeated by the girl’s love for each other... and so as SW looks towards the heart, she finally... makes... the right... choice. She gathers enough power from the heart to fight the monster...

>Horde Prime mocks Carta as she tries in vain to resist being pulled towards her death. When he invokes Adora's name, saying she will die, Catra shows her sadness, disappointment, at having come so close to being with her. He mocks her again, asking her if it was worth it. Catra shows defiance, then sorrow. The answer is yes, of course. Catra was willing to lay it all down to give Adora her shot at saving the universe, she's honoring their promise as best she can even if this is Adora's final act before her, and their, deaths. Catra has total belief that in this moment, that she needed to sacrifice herself for Adora. It seems like the natural outcome of fate, of the cruelty that is SW's and the universe's betrayals of the two of them their entire lives...

Heroic. Fucking. Music. SW shows up, charged from the Heart to take Catra's place. She's going to do one heroic and worthy thing of remembrance before she goes, since she is defeated and knows she won't get to have the heart's power.

Carta's disbelief is total, she can't understand how SW would ever do this for her. Her manipulation of them their whole lives was so total, so unfeeling. And yet, here she is. SW tells Carta to get to Adora and run. She forces Catra back and blocks the door. Catra still can't understand... and we finally... see Shadow Weaver show some actual real remorse for how empty her life is. She begs Catra to take Adora to the heart, to set the magic free. The one thing SW is dedicated to is magic, and she knows releasing the magic will restore the planet. Catra points out the obvious, that SW will die. Part of the reason Catra is so broken up by SW doing this is because Catra had just accepted her fate of dying in order to give Adora her chance to save everyone: Catra was willing to die for Adora even if Adora never found the courage to want Catra the way Catra wants her. And now SW takes her place? It doesn't make sense to her, as SW is a greedy person.

Shadow Weaver’s next series words are some of the most important in the entire series. And this is also the one redeeming quality she has... that she is a teacher. And she’s about to tell Catra something very, very... important.

She says: "It's too late for me." All her manipulations towards getting the power at the cost of the girls lives have been torn down, they've completely moved past her, she has no place in their lives anymore. The girls have learned to love each other so loyally that SW is done, finished.

"But you... this is only the beginning for you." Catra listens to this, searching for the deeper meaning... "I'm so proud of you, Catra." I think we all agree SW being 'proud' of Catra is a devastating line, Catra doesn't need or probably even want her abusers approval. I also think it is a lie, everything about SW says she's unable to feel actual compassion. But SW is a mastermind, and I think she's telling Catra she has respect for her. Catra ended up being the greatest enemy SW ever faced, she was so smart that she saw right through every manipulation SW made, and in the end, SW couldn't touch her. But theorizing aside, we see Catra cry... somehow, someway, SW finally seems to be showing Catra some amount of good in her, and so she cries, wondering where it comes from…

As Catra brings her hand back to uselessly flail at the barrier, Adora catches it. Catra looks back at Adora, surprised at her reappearance...

… right then we see Catra suddenly look away from Adora. It's quick, but we're seeing a dissociative moment: this is Catra realizing something very deep, and very meaningful...

Catra realizes, that in this moment, SW has chosen to do something that is much more than just dying in Catra's place.

She has given Adora to her.

All of Catra's life, Shadow Weaver has stood between her and Adora, love was a thing Catra was not allowed to have. But the girls, together, have transcended all of her abuse and manipulation. They have seen through her plan and risen above every cruelty, and have blocked SW's manipulations to use them for her own gain. And so, a defeated SW chooses now, to give Catra the most beautiful of gifts...

Catra puts it all together, filled with clarity: SW is telling her that Adora doesn't have to die, she can survive this. That they can survive the Heart!!! And Catra is the key, as SW has told her: "This is only the beginning, for you."

Catra is now given this knowledge freely by SW, and thus given hope. SW stands before them, totally defeated, in awe of Catra's incredible growth and cunning and that she was able to see through her plan, and how strongly the two girls have come to love each other. So, SW is giving Catra her fullest respect, and as a last act before her death she is passing Catra newfound hope that the two of them can overcome this, that they can survive...

Shadow Weaver removes her mask, showing Catra her face. It's not a face of manipulation, as we expect, no, there's respect, even, dare I say, gratitude. SW didn't have to do this, Catra knows that. And yet, Catra managed to show SW something she never expected to see. And so, by outthinking and so totally defeating her, by making SW see that all her manipulations were discovered and therefore wouldn't work no matter which way she turned, and by getting Adora understand the urgency of not letting SW win, Catra has won this final, beautiful gift…

“You're welcome…”

As Catra watches SW make her final sacrifice... her one good deed... she looks on, stunned. Life is never quite so simple as you think it is, and since returning to Adora, Catra has seen so many acts of generosity she didn't really believe were possible... and now... this...

Catra lets Adora cry for a moment, then tells her they have to go. Catra is filled with new urgency... they will face this final challenge together. As she resolutely carries Adora towards the heart, she knows she's now in charge of their fate... and as they face this final task, Catra is searching for a way to save Adora, and to save their love once and for all...

~

All of this has huge implications for what then happens with the girls when they reach the heart chamber, but that's a topic better discussed another time…

Some final notes here. It's my belief that Shadow Weaver is the overarching villain of the story, who spans all seasons of She-ra, and is far more important to the plot than Horde Prime is. Furthermore, understanding Shadow Weaver as this kind of villain is a stepping stone to explaining many other important plot points in the series, and we can build on it to understand a lot of the most important moments in the show.

My personal belief about this story is that the writers had such a diverse room of people of LGBTQIA+ and other backgrounds, each with their own trials and pains they had to overcome, that as a team, their goal was to bring to light as many of these struggles that they could. But as for this most central story, my guess is they wanted to tell us a story about overcoming real darkness that exists in our world, as well as Etheria, because sometimes that's how it is. And so the right thing, the only thing to do is to overcome and move past such people, to not let them control your life.

All this is to say that I think the moral of Shadow Weaver in the story isn't about finding the good in her, but about rising above her and the fundamental darknesses that we all sometimes face. And our girls do this through love, at no point do they use violence. And that makes this story very, very... special.

Thanks for reading. Until next time…

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

[mochegato]

The Illusion of Innocence

Written for Jasonette July’s “Innocence” prompt.

 “That was… cute?  No rough.  That’s the word, rough.  That was incredibly rough to watch.” Tim said moving to lay his arm on Jason’s shoulder.  “When did you become such a wimp?”

“What the Fuck, Replacement?” Jason tore his eyes away from Mari’s retreating figure to duck away from Tim’s sudden appearance next to him.  His eyes quickly, discretely returned to Mari.

“Wow.  Just wow.” Tim shook his head.  His hair was going to look like Jason’s if he had to continue to watch these two.

“Fuck you”

“Just ask her out already.  It’s torture watching you two dance around each other like this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  Jason said finally turning away and seeing Tim’s deadpan expression.  “I don’t want to ask her out.  If anything, I’m trying to figure out how to get her away from us so you aren’t putting her in danger.  There is no reason she had to know about us just to make us some suits. We could have come up with some bullshit excuse why we needed them to be Kevlar lined.”

“Maybe not.  But she will if she’s going to help us in the future.”

“What!?  Fuck that shit.  You should’ve discussed it with us before you decided to bring in an innocent. She shouldn’t be involved with that or with any of us at all.  You’re endangering a civilian just by letting her know, let alone whatever the fuck else you have planned.  She is going to get killed helping us,” he growled out at Tim.  “AND, she is sweet and innocent.  We should be helping to protect that in people, God knows Gotham destroys it enough, and I’m not going to let you destroy it in her.”

“Okay, first Mari doesn’t need you to protect her.  I know her a lot better than you do and she can do just fine on her own.  Second, that’s just stupid.  Third, she knows what the risks are and agreed to help.  Fourth, since when do you think before you decide to go after someone you like?  Or was it just a gut reflex, ‘what is that feeling? I think it might be real happiness. I could actually build a future with this one.  Well, let’s nip that shit in the bud.’” He said in a deep voiced imitation of Jason. “Fifth, even if you were right, you’re not, but even if you were, I’ll make sure you’ll be there to protect her the first few missions.  You’re welcome for that opening, by the way.  Sixth, you’re an idiot, a continuation of two really, but needed to be reiterated.  Seventh, talk to her before you decide to harass her out of our lives.  Ask her about her… miraculous record.  It’s going to come out pretty quickly, but you might want to be up on it sooner.  Eighth, eighth?  Yeah, eighth. Man this list is getting long. Eighth, Bruce knows and agreed already. Ninth, refer back to numbers two and six, they are really important.  And finally, you think Mari is innocent? That's hilarious." Tim doubled over in exaggerated laughter, pretending to wipe away a tear and clapping Jason on his back, “Oh, my sweet summer child.”

“Okay, A I don’t talk like that. B ‘miraculous record’? What the fuck does that mean?  Who talks like that?  You’ve been watching too many of those magical girl shows.  C you might think you know more than the rest of us but we still should have been involved in this decision.  D what do you mean you ‘know her a lot better’?” He narrowed his eyes at Tim and moved into his space, towering over him.

“You did it that way just to be an ass, another reflex for you.  But, God I wish I could have recorded that to play back to you later.  And right, since when had Bruce ever consulted with us before making a decision?” he scoffed.  “And I mean I know her like I know Steph… Barbara!!  Like I know Barbara. I absolutely trust her, absolutely platonically.” He said attempting to placate Jason.  “I am not in your way.  You are wide open to ask her out.  Or to chicken out, like a little bitch.”

“Screw you, Timbers.”

“I’m not the one you want to screw,” he sing-songed jumping away to avoid Jason swiping at him.

  Marinette had had enough.  She and Red Hood had been standing on the roof of Wayne Enterprises for the last half an hour, which should have been extremely enjoyable.  But instead of their usual easy, flirty banter and lingering looks, Jason seemed to be avoiding looking at her.  When he did happen to look her way his whole body seemed pained and uncomfortable.  When he actually gave a response to her attempts at conversation, it was in short, curt responses.  

Letting out an aggravated groan Marinette finally spoke up. “Okay Jase.  What is going on?” she demanded.

“Red Hood,” he muttered back at her.  He continued to look out over the city pretending to focus on patrol.

“What?”

“When we are in the field you are supposed to use our codenames, not our real names.  How are you going to manage in an actual mission if you can’t even remember the basics?” He bit out a bit more aggressively than was necessary. He finally turned to face her with… a glare? Maybe?  It was hard to tell with his helmet on.

She stared at him in shock for a few moments before responding. “Oooo, you’re being extra assholey tonight. It must be something really bad,” she bit back.  “Also, if you’re going to yell at me, at least have the decency to take off the helmet. It’s degrading to have it on when you’re starting a fight.”

He yanked the helmet off violently leaving just the domino mask to protect his identity.  She could now see the anger radiating off of his features. “I’m not being an asshole.  I’m taking my job seriously.  I’m concerned we’re bringing an innocent into all this. A civilian that is not remotely prepared for it in any way.  I’m frustrated that I’m going to have to spend my time protecting and worrying about you whenever you are helping instead of doing the mission, which is a really good way to get killed, for both me and for you,” he growled out stalking closer to her with each sentence, forcing her back to avoid him physically colliding with her. “And, you and Tim are making plans to get you in the middle of all this shit and you can’t even remember basic protocol for keeping yourself and us safe.  You’re going to put us all in danger, including yourself.”

Marinette reeled back like she had been slapped.  “Says the guy that called Red Robin by his name before he left,” she returned angrily. “Who asked you to worry about me? I don’t need or want you to worry about me instead of focusing on a mission.  That’s on you.  That’s your fucked up priorities, not mine.  And what makes you automatically assume I’m not prepared for any of this?”

“You can’t possibly be prepared. You can’t possibly understand what it is like.  I know you think it will be just a bit of an adventure, but it’s dangerous.  You could die or end up in a wheelchair like Barbara.”

“You think I don’t know the risks? I’m well aware of what is on the line, but I can’t stand by and watch bad things happen and not do something about it, not when I’ve been given the chance to act.  Not when I’ve been asked for my help.”

“Yes you can!” He voice getting louder again.  “You can when the alternative is you die.”

“I know what I’m doing Ja… Hood,” she corrected herself.  “I know what I’m getting into and I’m willing to take on the risks.  Paris had our own supervillain for years, you know.  I know how to protect myself.”

“No, you don’t.  I’ve seen you trip over air.  This isn’t a Disney movie, Pixie!  People die.  I’ve died! Most of the Robins have. ��I don’t want you to, too.  I know you believe that good always wins and the bad guys always get punished, but that isn’t the way the world works.  Bad guys win sometimes, frequently.  Good guys die, frequently.  This is a terrible world that destroys people.  You don’t have to be a part of it.”

“Okay, I’ve seen you accidentally swing into a billboard, so you might want to be careful casting those clumsy stones.  And, I’m a part of it already whether you want me to be or not.  You think I don’t know the consequences?  Do you think I’m an idiot?  I see the consequences every day.  I have for a long time.  Years before I even came to Gotham.  I know this isn’t a Disney movie.  If it was, those rats over there would be singing right now.  Do you hear singing?  I don’t, so it must be real life.”  She stopped for a beat to think about what she just said.  “Actually, I’ve seen rats singing in real life so that’s not such a good gauge,” she added shuddering.  “Remind me to tell you about Mr. Rat sometime.”

“This isn’t a joke, Pixie. I know you’re not an idiot but you are naïve,” he gave her a gentle look and reached out to touch her cheek.  “You are still determined to see the best in people. You still have a chance to keep your innocence and that childlike view of the world.  You can stay naïve.  You deserve to.”

She looked at him in shock, her jaw falling open.  What the hell just happened?  She took a breath to think about what to say next and how to respond to whatever that was that just happened.  The condescending jackass.  Naïve? She wasn’t the one that was naïve. And he wasn’t the one that knew more than her.  Is that really what he thought of her this whole time?  Now she was livid.  That arrogant, patronizing asshole.  She was not stupid or naïve.  She slapped his hand away to growl out, “Believing that people can change does not make me naïve. Believing there is good in this world does not make me some wide-eyed, ignorant airhead.  I’ve seen good in this world.  I’ve even seen it here in Gotham.  I’ve seen it in you, despite being the egotistical, disrespectful bastard that you are.” She looked back up at him and gave him a wicked smirk.  “Also, it’s cute that you think I’ve never died.”

“Excuse me?  What does that mean?”

“There’s something you should probably know.  We were going to tell you soon anyway, but I think you might need to hear it now.”

“Okay…”

“Hmmm… I don’t think I want to tell you here though.  I think I want to tell you over there,” she said pointing to a building across the street. “There’s something poetic about revealing your secrets surrounded by gargoyles, don’t you think?  And somehow, Gotham seems to have more of them than Paris. That’s just weird,” she frowned at the thought.

“Pixie…” he noted the determination in her eyes and decided this particular argument was less important than the larger battle.  “Fine! Just let me get my grappling hook out and we can swing over.” He said reaching for it on his belt.

She looked over at him and grinned, a dangerous glint in her eye, “No thanks.  I have my own ride.  Race you!” She took off like a shot running to the edge of the building then jumped off the edge.

Jason’s heart stopped.  What was she doing?  What the hell!?  Jason took off after her.  Was she expecting him to rescue her?  What if he couldn’t get to her in time?  This was a stupid and beyond dangerous game she was playing.  After he saved her he was going to kill her.  

He pulled out his grappling hook as he ran and leaped after her streamlining his body so he could fall faster. She had the audacity to be smiling at him as she fell.  He was almost close enough to grab her.  His eyes left hers looking up to find the best target for his grappling hook.  He noted a flash of pink in his vision’s periphery but ignored it, focusing on the task at hand.  Nothing else mattered but saving Marinette.  Finally finding the best option, he turned back towards Marinette and stretched the last final inches to grab her but found Marinette was no longer there.  Instead there was a woman dressed in a deep red and a mask.  The woman grabbed his waist and launched a… was that a yo-yo?... toward the same spot he had identified earlier.  

Suddenly he was tugged up as they arced to the roof of the building.  They landed on the roof with a thud, rolling to a stop in a tangle of limbs.

He pulled back slightly to stare down at her in confusion, not able to form coherent thoughts yet. After what seemed like a few minutes Marinette finally broke the silence.  “Hood?  You going to survive this, handsome?” she asked with a smug grin.

Jason’s brain finally caught up with what was going on and his jaw dropped, “Mari?” He asked incredulously.

“No names in the field, remember? How are you going to survive any missions if you can’t follow basic safety procedures?”

“What the fucking fuck, Mari!!” He looked at her again running his hands along her face, trying to confirm what he already knew.  It was her.  Marinette was safe… and a superhero.  He let out a breath he had been holding since she jumped and shook his head.  “You’re terrible."

“I thought I was innocent and naïve?”

“No, you are a terrible, evil person.  That jump proved it.  You almost killed me all over again.”

“You deserved it.  You were being a condescending ass.”

He let out a huff, “Please never do anything like that again” he begged softly, lowering his forehead to hers.

“Don’t be an ass and I won’t have to.”

"You were supposed to be innocent” he said giving her a lopsided smile.

“I don't know what gave you that impression," she smiled innocently and batted her eyes.

“That. That damn smile. It's a lie.”  He looked back over at the Wayne Enterprises building and shook his head.  “And I thought you were going to have trouble with grappling and swinging through the air.” He chuckled lightly and lowered himself back down so his face was a few centimeters from hers, glancing down to her lips.

“Have I ever told you what it’s like riding a dragon?” She whispered licking her lips.  

“I'd love to hear about that som… wait a dragon?  Like a dragon dragon?" She nodded giving him a small, coy smile.  Jason ran his fingers across her cheek and along her mask.  He grinned happily.  His Pixie was a badass and he couldn’t wait to hear more.  “but later" he said closing the distance and crashing his lips into hers.

   Tag:

@fsketchart @jasonette-july-2k20

[mae-gi-writes]

Catching Fire | Sunwoo (TBZ Imagine)

In which Sunwoo, a soldier of the Royal Kingdom of Atheera, is smitten with the princess he guards. 

Genre: fluff, a lil’ angst. 

Words: 1.9K 

"I have a really bad feeling about this," Y/N said as Sunwoo helped her climb over the edge of her balcony, legs swinging into nothingness as the wind whistled through the depths of night. She peered over the railing with worried eyes, fear lodged in the back of his throat. What in the world was she even doing?

"Scared, princess?" Sunwoo's murmur brushed against her ear and she shivered at the contact. She threw him a glare and would've shoved him off if not for the fact that there was nothing to cushion his fall. 

"You know, I keep asking myself why I do this every goddamn night," she thought aloud when the man turned to climb up the wall, using the vines that twined all the way up the castle and that were as thick and dense as trees themselves. She followed, now able to keep up with his pace with ease. Earlier on, it had been a struggle to even get herself hoisted upwards, her body strength barely nonexistent. But a few weeks in Sunwoo's presence had made her stronger, bolder, more determined to break and bend the laws as she saw fit. 

She was shivering by the time they reached one of the towers and was grateful when Sunwoo pulled over over the edge. They toppled to the ground and she landed in-between his legs with a yelp, head lifting only to realize how close they were. 

Her eyes widened, "I'm sorry--"

"I'm not," his eyes were playful, curving up into adorable crescents that she was so fond of. Funny how fate had decided that they should meet. He was barely a soldier of the royal guard, having never set foot inside castle walls until the king had promoted him to a member of the princess's private guards. 

The few initial weeks spent in her company had revealed to Sunwoo just how different she was from all the rumours that he had once believed to be true. She wasn't poised, definitely not down to earth and as gentle as people made her out to be. Heck, she could barely manage to walk down the hallway without stumbling over her own two feet! How she was still part of the royal family was still a mystery to him. 

He pulled her up gently by the back of her elbow as he watched her eyes lighting up with childlike wonder, gazing up at the stars as though she'd never seen anything quite like it. 

"I'll never get sick of this," she let out a sigh filled with content as the soldier leaned over the edge with his hands clasped before him, "I can't believe I never set foot here." 

"You're not allowed up here though," Sunwoo's eyebrow quirked upwards.

"You're right. I'm not. So I'm glad you showed this to me." 

"Anything for you, princess."

"Stop saying that," Y/N shot him a glare that would've sent any other guard running. Sunwoo, however, merely chuckled before nudging her playfully as she continued, "you can call me by my name, you know." 

"Oh I know, it's just more fun that way."

"Dick."

"Princess!" Sunwoo gasped mockingly, a hand settling atop his chest, "that is no way to talk!"

She shoved him in response, unable to stop the grin from spreading onto her face as they settled into a comfortable silence and basked in the peaceful air of the night sky. 

"Sunwoo, why'd you choose to be a soldier?" She asked suddenly. Realizing that it might have sounded a little condescending, she quickly added, "I mean, did you have a choice or?..."

"I had a choice," Sunwoo smiled down at her, touched at her consideration, "my options weren't the greatest though. It was either to be a soldier or to become an apprentice horseshoe maker and I wasn't into that."

"But being a soldier is such a tough job," Y/N murmured, "aren't you scared? I'd be scared in your place. I hate to constantly think that death might be just around the corner." 

"Princess, that's what soldiers are for. We live through death everyday."

"But that's--that's no way to live."

He sighs, "we don't really have a choice." 

Silence fell as she contemplated his words, turned them this way and that in her mind. Growing up as a princess had been fairly easy for the most part. She didn't mind acting like a true lady once in a while, so long as she could do whatever she pleased behind closed doors and out of the public's eye. She had grown used to the responsibilities, the endless running back and forth between meetings and conferences and private tutorials that her mother would line up one after another. 

But admittedly, this wasn't the life that she wanted to live. Not really. Whenever she caught sight of the young children running around in the village, there was always a sense of envy wallowing through her, a green murky substance she named jealousy that constantly questioned why she hadn't been granted such freedom. 

But grass was always greener on the other side, she had chided to herself then. At least there was food on the table, water to drink. She couldn't complain. 

"And you?" Sunwoo's words suddenly brought her back to reality and as she blinked, she realized that she had subconsciously sidled up close to him, snuggling into his warmth. 

Her eyes flickered up to meet his own hooded ones, glinting with a mysterious light that caused something inside her to stir. When he spoke again, his voice was softer, practically a murmur drifting through the wind, "do you regret being a princess?"

"I had no choice either," she looked out over the horizon and enjoyed the glittering yellow dots that alighted the city, "but I can't say that I don't regret it, for I can't help but wonder what it would be like if my life was different, if I was born in a normal family like everyone else." 

"I think you're doing a great job."

She glanced up at him, "what?"

"I think that the people of Atheera would agree with me when I say that you're doing a great job as a princess."

Though Y/N kept her gaze straight, she couldn't help the blush that spread over her cheeks like wildfire, "that's probably one of the nicest things you said to me," she tried not to let her voice quake, to give away to her surprise. 

Sunwoo chuckled beside her, "one of the nicest things?"

"You also said once that I was a great friend to you," she picked at her fingers, a habit she never quite got over in the first place, "I think that tops them all."

"You do pay attention, don't you?"

"When you spend all your life listening to people criticizing the way you do everything, you tend to cherish the compliments."

"What if I say that I think I've fallen in love with you? Would you remember that?"

"What?" Y/N's head snapped up with wide-eyed shock, mouth falling open at his statement. She looked like a deer caught in headlights and as Sunwoo gazed at her with a fondness, his heart squeezed with the known fact that this might be the last time he'd ever see her alone. His confession would change everything and while he knew that he was putting his life on the line by spouting this nonsense kept hidden in the grooves of his heart, he couldn't hold it in for longer, not when she was looking at him like he held her universe, so grateful that he'd shown her a piece of the world she seldom knew existed. 

"I--Yes, well. I--Of course I'd remember," she huffed in an attempt to keep a straight face. Despite all that, her cheeks were flushing the color of fire and he cocked his head, amused at the way her emotions flickered across her face without restraint for once. 

It was as though she had forgotten all princess principles that had been instilled in her from birth. 

"You can't do that, you know," she bit her lip and turned away, as if embarrassed by her own reaction. Her hands were picking at themselves and Sunwoo reached out to stop her, the warmth of his palm causing her to stiffen. 

"Can't do what? Say that I love you?" He asked.

"You can't love me, Sunwoo. I'm princess of Atheera. That' s bound to break your heart whether you like it or not."

"Oh I know," he gave her hand a little squeeze before moving a little closer, just so that her shoulder brushed against his chest. 

Her eyes fluttered back up to meet his, before they held gazes. What Sunwoo foundx to his utmost surprise, was not revulsion or fear. There it was, that naked childlike wonder, as though he'd caught her attention, as though he was the one that could mold her world any way she wanted, and she'd let him. 

He swallowed thickly, suddenly all too aware of the electricity buzzing in the air, between their bodies, connecting his palm to hers. 

He stepped back. Dropped his hand. 

"I'm sorry princess," he looked away, "that was clearly out of line--"

Hands grabbed at his collar before she snatched him down and interrupted him with a kiss. 

Sunwoo's eyes widened as he felt her mouth moving against his in the most sensual caresses that alighted his body with goosebumps, before he slid them closed and grasped her waist. He pressed her body against his, feeling her curves mold into his hard frame, and gasped when her hands trickled through his short dark strands, fingers combing along his skull while sending sparks skittering down his spine. 

"Princess," he mumbled against her lips, "you can't--and we shouldn't--"

She pressed a kiss along his jaw, "are you denying your princess's orders?" She nicked at his skin playfully, and a soft moan rumbled from the depths of his chest. So he kissed her with even more vigour, allowing himself to momentarily get lost in those dancely curves, in the weight of her flesh against his, and in the taste of her mouth lingering along his tongue. 

Later, they sat side by side, now closer than ever and heads tilted back to watch the stars. 

"So here's what we're going to do," Y/N turns to him then, "we're going to escape Atheera, together, when the sun sets over the horizon, and run away so that we can get married."

He reached out to brush her hair off her face, "I wish it could be that easy."

"It is that easy, if you want it to be."

Sunwoo shook his head, "as much as I'd like to say yes, you are still Princess of Atheera, and your duty lies with the people. You're not going to throw all that away just for a mere soldier."

"You are not just a mere soldier," she scowled.

"You know what I mean."

Y/n paused for a minute. Then, she sighed, "you're right. We need a better escape plan."

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"Yeah, I heard. And I'm not listening."

They continued to bicker under the stars, unaware of the moon gazing down upon their two figures with a smile on its face. Their love radiated off then in waves, a love so pure and rich with emotion that they would fight for what they believed was right, even if that meant raging war against the stars to make their love shine through. 

---------

Soooo this was originally supposed to be a Juyeon fic. But then as I wrote, I realized that Sunwoo would fit here os well. Plus, I wanted to write a Sunwoo-centered fic for a while so I hope you guys enjoy it!  Let me know if you’d like a part 2! Thanks to everyone who has read it this far! xx  Also, for those who keep up with “Deobi Playlist”, I upload every Monday and Thursday so make sure to turn on your notifications! :,) 

[leefi]

Starira MBTI III - Frontier

1. Seisho

2. Siegfeld

3. Frontier

4. Rinmeikan

Aruru Otsuki: ENFP

Just go and reread Karen’s entry.

FJDKSLDKL in all seriousness leaps and bounds of Ne from both of them. There’s a reason they often catch themselves saying the same things and why Karen sees so much of herself in Aruru. Not only are they both Ne doms, they’re the exact same type! Ne and Fi together hold that naturally sunny and joyful disposition they both have, and that extreme, passionate love for the people they’re close to. And her Ne may be even higher off the charts than Karen’s. From the entirety of Captain Twins, to improvising lines on stage with Misora as kids, to being the embodiment of Frontier’s free-spirit, pioneering nature - all of this is extroverted intuition, chasing at every possibility under the sun, no matter how absurd it may seem. Her STRONG tertiary Te -- which is much stronger than Karen's, by the way -- supports her dominant Ne, and this is where her gung-ho attitude comes from. “We have to write our own play?? No problem, wheel out the whiteboard! Nobody has an idea yet?? That’s fine, I’ll throw one out and get the ball rolling! Misora and I need three more people for our play? What are we waiting for, let’s go find them!!” All of this is tertiary extroverted Thinking, implementing your ideas out in the world.

Misora Kano: ISTP

She is so compelling!!! I wish we got to see more out of her!! She's already cultivated so many of her talents (and her function stack is pretty strong for such a young age too) - she'd really shine if you just gave her the spotlight! The second ISTP in this series who had her inferior Fe develop super early due to having 1) a ton of siblings and working with so many people from such a young age and 2) a gf with Fi in her dom/aux slot. I’m gonna start with her Fe again because, like Futaba’s, it’s so strong for how young she is - she is quicker to pay attention to social convention than Fi-aux Aruru, scolding her whenever she refers to older Karen by her first name, for example (don't let her see Aruru call Akira -chan). We see aux Se in how energetic and in the moment she is - she grew up acting and doing backstage work and helping her family with their troupe, and we never really see her stuck in her head or wondering about things that aren’t in the here-and-now. Her partnership with ENFJ Michiru to create a new Troupe is going to be SO SO GOOD in the future. They really are going to draw the best out of each other. As polar opposites, they have the exact same functions, just in reverse (like Karen and Junna, or Hikari and Ichie)! So Misora has Ti-Se-Ni-Fe, and Michiru has Fe-Ni-Se-Ti. It’s the perfect setup for them to complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

Honestly, I really wish we saw more out of Misora - she deserves more than just being Aruru’s sidekick, and that Feeling function in her inferior slot (extroverted, no less) means that it’s difficult for her to communicate what exactly it is that she wants, both for herself and from others. Like with Mahiru, it’s intuitively hard for her to speak up and say “Hey, I feel like I’m being left behind”. Somebody needs to tap Aruru on the shoulder and communicate that to her - Fe-dom Tsukasa, maybe, or ideally, Misora herself. I think that she’s been kind of shouldered into the straight-man role not just by Aruru but everyone at Frontier because they all have such big personalities (like...she’s got Aruru and Lalafin taking up space, which is already more than enough), and she’s likely been in this position before. She’s been helping her parents run a troupe since she was a child, and now she’s (unfortunately) playing second fiddle to Aruru for the most part at Frontier. She’s been mostly stuck using her Ti and Se, and I really really hope that AA has us seeing her use more of that tertiary Ni and advocating for the goals she has for herself. She deserves to shine so much!!

One final note - I find it so interesting that both ISTPs in this series have such strong senses of faith - Misora is cast as the Faith arcana (and, unlike some of the other girls who are cast as the “opposites” of their personalities, Misora’s seems true to hers), and Futaba obviously has that reverent faith in Kaoruko (and is canonically religious???). It’s a bit antithetical to the ISTP personality type, which values its individuality above all else and tends to be a bit of a rebel. I don’t have much to add here - it’s just an interesting observation.

Shizuha Kocho: INFJ

Lalafin: The Count was such a great actor! I’m sure he would’ve been great on stage too…

Shizuha: Heh heh, maybe!

Shizuha: But still, he never went back to his original persona even after his revenge. He had to stay as the count for the rest of his life.

Shizuha: And he was able to do that because he was good at becoming other people.

Shizuha: ...Although I cannot say if that meant he was happy.

Lalafin: Even after his revenge, he still wasn’t happy...That’s one point of view to make his sadness stand out even more!

Shizuha: Right?...Yes. I think I’ll stick to how I’m doing things now.

THE!! LOVE!! OF!! MY!! LIFE!!!!!!! I CANNOT OVERSTATE ENOUGH HOW MUCH I LOVE SHIZUHA KOCHO!!!! She was my first favorite character in the game (and still is!! But frontier gets no content :’)). As I said with Maya, INFJs are old souls - wise and idealistic, but typically reserved. Auxiliary extroverted Feeling shows up in how she suppresses herself so as not to intimidate or make others feel inferior - we see the exact same thing play out with INFJ sibling Koharu. She’s mysterious but amiable, kind and awe-inspiring - just like INFJ sibling Maya. And we see that token INFJ loneliness playing out with all three, as well. What I love most about Shizuha is that she’s a person of extremes. She is so cerebral and intelligent and dignified in a way that reminds you of Maya but she’s also so!!!! Fucked in the head!!!!! Ni doms baby!!!!!!! (I am fucking crazy. But i am free).

Unhealthy INFJs can develop this obsession with making themselves martyrs, and I don’t think I need to rehash out her AA conversation with Aruru (and her entire philosophy towards acting - see above quote) to get that across. I want to dive into this more. Truly I do. Shizuha deserves 10 pages of writing. But she is one of the last I'm writing and I've clicked through 3 different AA stories and accidentally found Rui and Yukko's first so I diverted and finished writing Yukko's entry and I've already spent so much time on this oh god the doc is already 18 pages single spaced uhhhh Shizuha my loveliest love I will write your character deep-dive later I prommy <333

(Also, seeing her synergy with Aruru is soo so cute. INFJ/ENFP supremacy!! Same dynamic as MayaKaren!)

Lalafin Nonomiya: ESFP

(Se dom).

She’s so athletic and energetic and in-the-moment and improvisational and quick on her feet (Se, Se, Se)! Fi over Ti aux because she has a much more subjective view of what’s “fun” - “what do I want to do? Where do I want to go? What kind of character do I want to play???". She’s got that trademark genki energy that so many ExFPs share, particularly that childlike zeal that she and ESFP sister Ichie both have. In her own way, Lalafin embodies Frontier’s pioneering, fun-loving spirit just as much as Aruru.

Tsukasa: Lupin is usually portrayed as mysterious and polished, no? But the way you perform him is more fresh and open -- almost like the main character from a children’s book.

Lalafin: Oh! Come to think of it, the book on Lupin I read when I was younger was written for kids!

Lalafin: It was about this big and had a realistic image of Lupin right on the cover!!

I don’t really have too much to add. She’s just a perfect embodiment of that excitable, fun-loving Se and Fi dom/aux duo. Childlike and simplistic-appearing at a first glance, but there's such a fire in there - just compare her to her ESFP twin Ichie!

Tsukasa Ebisu: ENFJ

I can see that use of Se - love of fashion, sweets, dancing, going out and enjoying life - yes, she had overprotective parents and could just be making up for lost time, but I think that nice material things are something she just genuinely enjoys for herself as well. So at first I thought ESFP, but we can’t ignore that enormously caring attitude she has for others and the way she gravitates towards caretaker roles, which indicates more Fe than Fi. So ENFJ it is! She has that Fe and Se, and we see that inferior Ti in how she struggled to realize something was wrong when she was trapped in the play. I love, love, loved her leading role in the Arise All You Sons event and how she and Yachiyo interacted to bring out the best in each other - we saw Yachi using a lot of that aux Ti to support Tsukasa’s inferior Ti and dominant Fe!

Her dominant Fe is SOOOO clear and contrasts to every other girl in Arise All You Sons. She’s the first to go “hey, wait, hold on - I’m not sure what (inferior Ti) but something about this feels artificial, and I don’t think it’s actually going to help the kids”. Inferior Ti/Dominant Fe speaks before thinking too - “Why did I say that?! Why did I do x?!” - it isn’t until aux Ti Yachiyo shows up to help her that she’s able to work through her thoughts. While she can get stuck in the rut of her own mind sometimes, Tsukasa is one of the most caring, empathetic, and mature characters in the series - and she does all this without sacrificing her own autonomy and individuality, which can be difficult for an Fe-dom to do.

[brooklynislandgirl]

A boy, a girl, and their symbiote...

@tangleweave​ {{xx}}

It’s quite alright that he laughs ~gently~ at her and not just because she loves the shy sound of it, that she feels she could wrap herself up inside of the sound and experience the same warm comfort as when he allows her to occasionally borrow one of his hoodies. There’s always a reluctance that comes with having to give it back even though she knows he needs it more than she ever will but that’s not really the point. There’s also the fact that she’d been trying to be funny after all and Eddie’s laugh held none of the nastiness she can sometimes hear in other people’s tones when they are trying to be mean right to her face as though she can’t understand what was going on around her. But in all the time she has known him, Eddie has never treated her so shabbily. He has been a gracious friend. Kind. Without the condescending feeling she gets sometimes in the social circles she haunts because she has to. Eddie is different in that he listens to her and to the things she never really says aloud. She doesn’t know exactly how he learned to do that, if it’s a skill he’s taken away from his past or if it’s a natural empathy baked into his very being. It’s entirely possible that it’s an organic blend of both, something she’ll think about later. When there’s time to breathe and reflect, which she does a little too often. Takes their moments together and strings them together into a mental photo album where she can chart the progress they have made from just this side of naked hostility to genial silence, from avidly engaging each other onto the rooftop to trying to coax him into her home like some feral creature that he isn’t, because she’s worried about how cold it gets and if he’s eaten a good meal. Because she wants to know he’s safe, that he has someone looking out for him. He deserves that much. And...now. She isn’t really sure what now is.

She’d never really had the impression that Eddie saw her in this kind of light. None of his actions have ever reminded her of the kind of people who want to capture her like an exotic creature to be put on display until the newness wore off and they found that her meagre charms and her unwillingness to be exactly what they wanted did not hold much value to them. He does not see her as some cute childlike thing that needs protecting from the world and maybe especially from herself, either. She might not feel attraction the way most people do, but she’s absolutely sure that he’s never looked at her in the way that makes her feel like he’s devouring her with a single gaze. So perhaps she’s put it out of mind and got on with being friends, taking delight in just spending time with him, listening to the stories he has to offer, and living in those moments. This isn’t exactly that, though, is it?

When she thinks of Eddie ~far more often than she has any right to~ she has a distinct mental image. There is a sadness that always seems to linger in the back of his eyes especially when he thinks no one is watching. Which would lead to him lowering his face and staring into his coffee and the way that his hands would wrap around the cup always felt like he was afraid to let go. Gives him the impression of searching though she’s never sure for what. Sometimes she swears he’s having some internal debate with himself that comes across as starts and falters of sound, that soft-spoken tone that sends shivers down her spine in the best of ways, but still never really becoming words. And in her own way, she knows what that’s like, having so much inside but no real way of expressing it.

Lately though, it’s becoming harder to see him that way. It starts with the way he makes her laugh. Something she hasn’t really done in a long time, and then follows up with thought-provoking questions, and not ones from his list which had been terribly fun. The way he offers to walk her home when he realises she’s afraid of the dark fits in as well, followed closely with the way he curls up protectively around her on the bus or cable-cars. Stupid touristy things he doesn’t seem to mind at all. The keen and sometimes biting observations that he makes of people and the world that compel a shift of perspective. Murmured against her ear, a private conversation that has the power to weaken her knees a little. And more slowly, maybe, she begins to add...other things. How much she likes his smile when he offers it, and the fullness of his lips. How soft they look even when chapped. His eyes again, this time deep and soulful, how they darken in colour, in emotion. How it brings out the sprinkle of the palest freckles across his nose that like hers don’t show very often. She notices how steady, patient, and most importantly, how gentle his hands are. Eddie is, after all, a handsome man if a little rough around the edges. And maybe she really likes those too, a sharp contrast to her own softness. She wants to know what it would feel like to cut herself on them, and if he would kiss the wounds better. Eddie is an orchid, slowly blooming into a beautiful person right before her eyes. A person she wants to nurture and cultivate. Except maybe those aren’t the right words. Again, feelings she has no right to want. At what point do those kinds of nascent wishes become pushy? Seems like some kind of underlying motivation that has been so very carefully orchestrated so that she might take advantage of him? This is the critical part of relationships that are unfathomable to Beth, something everyone else seems to be aware of but that she missed out. Like there’s some kind of manual and it’s written in a foreign language that she doesn’t speak. And what good does it do to become aware of being increasingly attracted to Eddie...when he isn’t interested? She’s never been able to say he’s been less than a perfect gentleman to her. That he doesn’t go out of his way to carefully broach subjects that might make her uncomfortable and then if there’s any hint of distress, to quickly course-correct. If she’s to act in kind, how does she go about asking if maybe he isn’t a little like her? What did her friend call it? A different kind of umbrella, so to speak. She’s never felt an appropriate time has come to try and figure that out in any serious fashion.

Except... It’s quiet now. The wine still lingers on her tongue and soaks into the back of her mind, easing some of the tension right out of her, even if she’s watching him more intently than she ever has before. Wills him to maybe hear that unspoken question as he sits there, comfortable on the couch because the words escape her. He doesn’t recoil from the tap against his leg. Not that she can imagine he would really do that, but one never knows. And sometimes Eddie has odd reactions to general affection, at least from her and her inability to keep her hands entirely to herself.

And despite the myriad of problems she could catalogue, the subtle vocalisation is enough to have her pause precariously on the edge of the cliff they’re on. She can feel the churning of nerves deep in the pit of her stomach. Rogue butterfly wings pounding to be let out or smothered by any other feeling. By itself it should have no power over her except that it does. Makes her want to hear it again at a much closer distance, letting its echo wash over her. There’s such a power to that, one that gains as much as it gives. She can feel it dance beneath her fingertips, the way it feels like he almost presses back into them though she knows he hasn’t moved at all. It’s the wild flutter of his pulse, the song in his blood. It would only take a little pressure to have it gush over her lips and she’s very aware of that. Which is why she doesn’t listen to every instinct screaming for her to do so. She doesn’t want to take from Eddie, but to share. That’s an important distinction, the only one that would ever feel right. His ha comes out hot against her skin, strong. Tells her so much more about him than a hundred conversations, feels like witnessing the birth of islands and the death of mountains, all the life that comes between the two. And just as she’s on the verge of losing herself in the joy and terror of it all, he utters a single word that freezes her to the very marrow of her bones and her heart plunges somewhere down between her knees. Just like that… Eyes widen as she feels the instant backlash of having made a mistake she can’t take back.

She wants to. She should. She should blame the wine and the proximity and the fact that she read into his query wrong, through no fault of his own. That it isn’t his fault in the least. Anything that might make him laugh again and find her silly and that will make him stay. But before she can get the seeds of her apology in fertile soil he continues on. For a moment she finds herself unable to experience anything that isn’t the exquisite ghost of his touch in return. Pressing hers closer as if for one brief moment they both share the same fear and wonderment. And she has no idea what to do about that. 

He’s not pulling away. If anything, he’s encouraging her. At least that is what it sounds like. And it all cascades again. And she finds herself briefly leaning into that caress, the rough pad of a thumb just cresting the arch of her cheek bone. No satin could compete with the delicate nature, and if there’s one thing that Beth knows beyond any doubt it is that touch doesn’t lie. As long as she’s known Eddie, neither does he. Not to her, anyway. Maybe that makes this all a little more unforgivable, but she will deal with the guilt and the consequences come morning. No one, even in her wildest fantasies which are very few and far between, more nameless want than anything else, has ever said something so simple but so full of meaning. Or in a way that eats her alive with newly sparked heat. Because the truth is, most people she knows never put her wishes at the forefront of anything, much less something so delicate in nature. “I…” She shifts. Rises up from the floor to pour herself over him, one slender thigh on either side of his hips, as best as the restraint of her skirt allows her to. Her other hand lifts to cup the other cheek, brushes across the soft stubble of his jaw and from slightly loftier a height, she finds herself looking him directly in the eye a moment, her voice drying up in her throat, forcing her to swallow. It’s her turn to search for something that lacks all definition, that can’t be given shape in words.

She’s forgotten how to breathe. Or maybe doesn’t need to at all, her gaze scouring every inch of his face before returning to his eyes. Because the question is still there. Does she want to do this? Yes. More than he can know. Does she know how? In the most basic of biological functions, also yes. Her lashes drift down to shutter green and gold from the world before she gets closer, and settles her lips to his. She catches the lower tier of his lips between her own. There’s still the same heat and the same temptation in doing so, that has not diminished from her earlier exploration but the kiss is far more gentle. Softer. Sweeter. But with a gradation of intensity that mimicked the pounding of bird wings inside of her chest, against the cage of bone surrounding it. Mimicked below as her hips roll into and against his own but doesn’t offer her any more leverage.

[athenagc94]

Just One Thing

With Beta Sandrock keys out, I’m back on my MTAP nonsense. Please, allow me to introduce my next builder - Eden King! Originally, I was gunning to have her marry Dr. Xu, but Oaks kind of snuck up on me and now, here we are. I hope you enjoy. You can also read it here on AO3

~~~~~~~

“When was the last time you had a full night’s sleep?”

Eden didn’t even look up from the monitor as she casually shot back, “When’s the last time you had a full night’s sleep?”

Petra huffed. “Don’t turn the tables on me. I asked you first.” She tried to sound irritated, but Eden heard the smile in her voice. She knew her sleep schedule was as fucked as hers, so kettle meet the pot. She had no right to lecture her. When she didn’t respond, Petra continued, “Why don’t you head out for the night? You’ve already done more than enough and I don’t mind finishing things up.”

“I like helping you.” Eden pressed a few keys on the pad in front of her. “It’s nostalgic, or whatever.”

She hit the enter key and a string of code appeared on the screen. She scrutinized it for patterns, then from those patterns, she picked out the irregularities and jotted them down on her notepad. Hopefully, they’d find something a little more useful this time around. The cooking mechanism they stumbled across last time was nice and all, but if she had to rely on her crumbling furnace for much longer, she was going to yank her hair out. This builder gig was supposed to be easier than her job back in Vega 5, but she might have made a marginal error when she drew that conclusion. Her father's old diagrams left a lot to be desired.

“You came to Portia to recover from your burnout,” she chided, jostling the back of her chair. Eden cut her with a glare, but it lacked its usual sting. “Old tech research isn’t your job anymore.”

“Old habits die hard,” she mumbled. “And then you die.”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about.” Petra tugged at her chair, pulling her just out of arm’s reach of the keypad. She almost clamored after it, but she resisted that overwhelming urge in favor of preserving some small part of her dignity. “Go home. Or am I going to have to get Phyllis on your ass?”

Eden pouted. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me,” she said, chuckling. “I can literally see the tension building around your shoulders. We both know Phyllis would love to get her hands on you for an acupuncture session.” Eden tried and failed to suppress the paralyzing fear that curled up her spine, stacking right on top of that rock hard stress that had settled in her shoulders. She liked to think she was a practical woman who trusted a vast majority of the advancements in medical sciences. And research did show that acupuncture has a positive impact on things like stress and anxiety ー both things she definitely suffered from.

That being said, fuck needles.

Petra smirked, reading her mind. “Exactly,” she snapped. “So, if you don’t want her using you as a living pin cushion, get out of here. Take the long way home. Get some fresh air. Something to unwind a little so she doesn’t have a reason to.”

“Why do you always have to be right?” Eden sighed, pushing herself out of her chair. She stretched her arms over her head, groaning as her back cracked and popped. “Can’t you just let me self-destruct in peace?”

“It’s part of my job to preserve the relic tech of the Free Cities.” Eden flipped her off and she laughed, a soft sound that reminded her of windchimes. She plopped down in her chair and turned back to the computer, picking up where Eden had left off. “I’ll let you know when I find something on these disks. A couple of days at most. So, I don’t want to see you before then unless it’s over a drink at the Round Table.”

Eden rolled her eyes. “How does Friday sound?”

“Only if you’re buying.”

“Of course,” Eden said as she shrugged on her cardigan. “It’s always on me, isn’t it?”

“Well, you’ve been threatening to get that new shop addition for months now. I think you’re purposely spending all your money on alcohol, so you don’t have to pull the trigger on it,” Petra shot back. She fluttered her lashes at her and quickly added, “I’m merely giving you an excuse to hold off on it for a while longer. That’s all.”

“I’m not afraid to pull the trigger on it,” she countered defensively, pulling the dark knit fabric a little more tightly around her shoulders. “It’s just, you know, this whole thing is only a temporary position. I plan on going back to Vega 5 once I’veー”

“Once the year is up. Yeah, I know what a sabbatical is.”

“Exactly,” Eden said, pulling the door open. The brisk spring air whipped up around her, rustling the dark curls around her jaw. She shivered and closed it a little to stave off the chill. “This is just a little vacation, I’ll be heading right back to continue my ongoing research with the Alliance by next spring. Portia is merely a stepping stone in my ten year plan.”

“That’s what I thought too when I took my internship out here, but here I am, three years later,” Petra said, with a wink. “You’ve only been a few months, but you’ll be surprised to see how quickly Portia grows on you. You’ll see.”

“Whatever you say. I’ll see you later this week.” She threw Portia a mock salute and ducked out into the Central Plaza.

The sun had long since set and if the clock on the old school building was correct (And it should be, she fixed it herself.) then it was far later than she realized. She regarded the stars that dotted the sky. The moon wasn’t out that evening, which only made the stars shine even more brightly in the sky. She smiled to herself. Maybe she would take Petra’s advice and go on a late night stroll ー just because it was such a beautiful night and not because she needed to unwind.

She rubbed her hands together, trying to warm them as she strolled out the city gates. The apple trees that grew along the path outside the city had started to bud with small white flowers, ready to bloom any day now. They filled the air with a sweet scent that reminded her of freshly baked apple pie. Eden stopped in the middle of the trail and took a deep breath. A ghost of a smile tugged at her lips as she basked in the smell and let the wind rustle her hair.

“What’re ya doin?”

Eden started, pressing a palm flat over her heart. It hammered so violently that she feared it would beat straight out of her chest. She glanced up only to find Oaks, the city vagabond, hanging precariously from one of the branches overhead. “By the Light, Oaks,” she breathed, her expression hardening. “You scared the shit out of me.”

He swung his legs up and over the branch, settling in the small nook it provided. “Sorry about that,” he said, chuckling. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look that happy before. It was nice.”

“What’re you even doing out?” She glanced at her watch, swearing. “It’s well past midnight.”

He shrugged, kicking his legs with a childlike glee. “I dunno? Papa Bear doesn’t care what time I make it back these days and sometimes I just like to sit in the trees and listen to the sounds of the forest.” He grinned at her. “You should really try it sometime. I always see you passing through here late at night anyway. Do you want to join me?”

Eden pinched the bridge of her nose. “Join you? Why would I join you? It’s late. I have to get up in the morning and work. You know a job? Like normal people.” A troubled frown tugged at the corners of his mouth and his playful kicking abruptly stopped. Only then did she realize how bad that sounded.

She groaned, scrubbing hard at her face. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. That’s not what I meant, it’s just...” She trailed off, muffling another groan in her hand. “I don’t know what I meant.”

Maybe Petra was right. Her stress had gotten so out of hand that she was taking it out on Oaks, of all people. She hadn't spent too much time with him, but there was no denying that he was one of the sweetest residents in all of Portia. He loved to make people smile with his antics. He was especially good with the kids. She caught herself watching him dash around the plaza with them, their shrill laughter making her feel some kind of way that was hard to describe. In all, he was a good guy and now, she was screaming at him in the middle of the woods ー just like her father had done to her when he got a little too wound up.

How far she’d fallen.

He tilted his head off to one side and said, “You’re stressed.”

“Yeah,” she managed tightly. “Just a little bit.”

His frown deepened, which looked weird on a face that was always full of smiles. “Well, if that’s all that’s bothering you, I can show you what I do when I’m feeling a little stressed.”

She peered up at him, squinting. What kind of things did he have to be stressed about? As far as she knew, his days were spent wandering the fields with colorful llamas outside her workshop or snooping around the stalls in town. Sometimes, late in the afternoons, she’d catch him whittling while she was out gathering supplies. He always looked so engrossed in his work, but even then, there was a serene aura that surrounded him at all times. Frankly, it wasn’t fair.

But her curiosity got the better of her.

“What do you do when you’re stressed?”

He grinned, radiantly, and said, “Follow me.” He shifted his weight, tumbling to the ground in front of her. She flinched, but he quickly pulled himself up and wiped the dirt from the front of his pants. She never realized how tall he was before now, which was saying something considering she towered over most of Portia’s residents, even Gust. He had her beat by an inch or two, which was something. She didn’t know how old he was, but his broad shoulders and the sharp cut of his jaw suggested he was well into his twenties. She just always assumed he was a lot younger because of how he acted.

Another error. Two months into sabbatical and she was already losing her edge.

“If you liked the smell of the apple blossoms, then I think you’ll like this place just as much, but it’s top secret, you can’t tell anyone.” He leaned in, looking earnest. He smelled vaguely of apples and cinnamon. She furrowed her brow. Was that what she was smelling earlier? “It’ll be our secret. Do you promise?”

Eden sputtered, “I mean, I guess?”

Seemingly satisfied with that response, he took her by the hand and tugged her off the beaten path. Eden stumbled after him, nearly losing her footing on the roots and divots on the forest floor. She’d changed out of her work clothes earlier, before meeting up with Petra, so she wasn’t dressed for trekking through the forest. “Oaks, do you mind slowing down a little, I, uh, ahー”

Her foot caught a particularly vindictive tree root, sending her careening forward. She braced herself for the inevitable impact, but Oaks reacted quickly. He scooped her up, pulling her flush against his chest with one arm. She blinked up at him in surprise, one hand pressed flat against the bare pectoral. His heart thundered under her palm, nearly as fast hers was beating at that moment. This close, she could make out the individual freckles smattered across the bridge of his nose.

Eden suddenly found it very hard to catch her breath.

“My bad.” He pulled away, looking a little sheepish. “I got a little excited.” His hand slipped back around hers and they moved on, albeit a little more slowly. “But we aren’t in a rush. Part of the fun is the journey to get somewhere, am I right?”

“Honestly,” Eden said, smoothing her unruly curls up and out of her eyes. “I’ve never really been a fan of traveling.” That was kind of why she picked Portia for her sabbatical year. It was vaguely familiar from the one or two times she visited as a child with her aunt and uncle. She already had a connection or two with Presley and Isaac, not that she considered them close friends or anything. It seemed like a low maintenance location. Traveling always seemed like an unnecessary risk, but she needed to get away from the bustle of Vega 5 to fully recover from all her, as her therapist put it, issues

“It was never really my speed.”

“Well, with that attitude, you never will,” Oaks said with a chuckle. “Every new place is an adventure if you believe it is.” He gave her another radiant smile. “Take this top secret location for an example, you’ve never seen it before, right?” She nodded. “Well, aside from that little snag earlier, I think I can make it pretty fun for you.”

She snorted. “And how do you reckon that?”

Oaks paused, his nose wrinkling as he considered her question. Eden resisted the urge to roll her eyes. So, he didn’t even know. It shouldn’t have surprised her. After twenty six years. she still didn’t know how to cut loose and have fun. She had the PhD hanging over her desk to prove it.

“Who do you think would win in a fight ー a panbat or an illusion bunny?”

They shared a long look. “What?”

Oaks shrugged. “It’s a question. Which do you think?” He held out his hands, as if he were weighing his options. “On the one hand panbats are small and move faster than the illusion bunnies, but the bunnies have a hat, so it feels like a toss up. I’ve always been curious, but I’ve never been able to come to a decision. You seem smart, so what do you think in your expert opinion?”

Eden bit back a smile. He was too pure for his own good. “You do realize my area of expertise is in relic tech, right?”

Oaks hummed thoughtfully. “In that case, have you considered there are tech versions of panbats?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, that would be…” She trailed off and thought about it. Maybe Oaks was onto something there. A lot of people thought panbats were cute, but the fact remained that they were wild panbats. One couldn’t just pluck one out of the forest and call it a pet. “That would be pretty amazing actually. Do you think someone would invent it so they could keep a versions as a pet without the social repercussions of capturing and domesticating an actual panbat?”

Eden got swept away in their conversation. Every time she hit the proverbial wall, Oaks was right there with another wild idea that kept the momentum going. She had written off when she arrived in Portia. He was a wild child, born and raised in the forest, but he overflowed with new ideas. In Vega 5, Eden was expected to be a cog in the well-oiled machine. Cogs didn’t change. They didn’t question. But here she was, discussing the intricacies of how one would cuddle a panbot model without realizing it was a machine.

It wasn’t even possible.

She’d been in the field long enough to know that, but Oaks made her feel like she could do anything as long as she was willing to put in the effort.

And she wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

“And here we are,” Oaks announced with a swipe of his hand. Eden blinked in surprise. They had been walking that whole time, hadn’t they? She didn’t even notice.

They weren’t in the forest anymore, rather, the sloping hills at the foot of the Bassanio Heights. She’d seen it from a distance, but up close, it was absolutely breathtaking. A waterfall rushed over the edge of the cliffside, coating the grass and wildflowers in a soft dew. The flowers looked freshly bloomed and filled the air with a soft floral scent that eased the tension coiling around her shoulders. She always found flowers calming, but there weren’t too many patches of green in Vega 5.

“When I’m a little overwhelmed with everything, I like to come up here and watch the waterfall. The sound is calming to me,” Oaks explained, tugging her closer to the edge of the cliff that overlooked the water. It rushed past, filling the empty air between them with a soothing white noise. The flowers reached her calves in some places. He picked one, pale blue with teardrop shaped petals, and offered it to her. She took it, twirling it sheepishly between her fingers.

“Do you know how to make flower crowns?”

She shook her head. “Do I look like someone who knows how to make flower crowns?”

“Anyone can make flower crowns,” he said with a shrug. “Looks have nothing to do with it. And Molly says that mine are the best in all of Portia.” He plopped down on the ground and plucked a few more. Pink, blue, yellow. His hands moved of their own accord as he expertly wove the stems in and out. “I can show you my secret.” He peered up at her, donning a soft smile that left her chest swelling with a warm glow. He had a dimple on his right cheek. “I mean, if you aren’t too busy with all your real adult work, that is.”

Eden laughed despite herself and took a seat across from him. “You’re a little cheeky,” she said. “I would have never expected that from you.”

“Well, Papa Bear has the best sense of humor. I learned it from him.”

“Naturally.” She regarded her flower fondly, then tucked it behind her ear.

Oaks beamed. “That color looks nice with your hair.” He immediately grabbed a few more of the blue flowers to lace into the crown that was quickly taking shape in his lap. “Molly only likes the pink and yellow flowers when I make them for her, so I rarely get to use the blue ones.”

“Use as many as you want. I’ve never had someone make me a flower crown before.”

“Well, they should,” Oaks said with firm conviction. “They’re scientifically proven to make you happier.”

“Well, I’m going to need to see your research because I’m a little skeptical.”

He presented her with the flower crown, beautifully crafted with blue and yellow. “Let us try our hand at a little experiment,” he said, imitating Merlin’s haughty drawl. He placed the crown on her head, adjusting a few of her curls. He settled back on his knees and regarded her with this fond look on his face. “Perfect.” She cracked a small smile and dipped her head, trying to hide it. “Exhibit A. You’re smiling.”

“Correlation doesn’t equal causation,” Eden countered.

“I don’t know what that means,” Oaks said. “But, I do know that people smile when they’re happy and yours just keeps getting bigger. That has to mean something, right? You normally have such a serious look on your face.” He made a face, furrowing his brow and setting his mouth in a hard line. It was the same look that greeted her when she looked in the mirror every morning. He was spot on. She couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled and burst out of her. “See, and now you’re laughing. That’s not a coral nation or whatever you said.”

“Correlation,” she corrected. “It means a mutual relationship between two things. So, just because we can measure a relationship between those two things, that doesn’t mean one is the cause of the other.” For instance, there was no quantifiable proof that the heat burning at her cheeks had anything to do with Oaks or his close proximity to her at that moment.

None whatsoever.

Still, she cleared her throat and pulled away, just to be safe. “It’s beautiful.” She straightened the flower crown, lingering on the silken petals. “Thank you.”

“I told you I make the best flower crowns.”

“Not so fast there, nature boy.” She wagged her finger at him. “I don’t know if I’ve gathered enough data to draw that conclusion.”

His brow pitched as he considered that. “Well, I can make you another one tomorrow? With more flowers if you’re worried about me not gathering enough before.” he offered after a long moment. Eden tilted her head at him, confused, but he was already moving on. “Or maybe we can go apple picking? I know where to find the really sweet ones.”

“I have a lot of work to do tomorrow,” Eden said. “I have to gather some ore in the mines, Gale wants me to catch him a few fish, and then I’m meeting with the Civil Corps to discuss the bridge construction to Amber Island.” She drafted her mental checklist for everything she still needed to get done and felt the tension pulling taut across her shoulders. There wasn’t enough time in the day to finish everything.

Oaks shrugged. “That’s just three things.”

Her thoughts ground to a halt. “W-What?”

He blinked at her. “That’s just three things,” he reiterated. “I might not be super smart like you, but even I know that’s not that many.”

When he phrased it that way, her to-do list seemed a little less daunting. “Just three things.” She chuckled to herself. “You’re a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for.”

He wheezed and plucked another flower from the field. It was a deep red, almost the same shade as his hair. “Well, if that’s the case, you’d be the first person who thinks so.” The sad resignation in his tone made something inside her ache.

“How about this? While I’m fishing tomorrow, you can hang out with me and show me how to make one of these things.” She pointed to the crown. “I’m pretty handy myself. I might be able to give you a run for your title as the best of the best.”

He grinned. “I like that plan.”

“Me too.”

Oaks hummed contentedly and sprawled out in front of her. He pointed at the sky. “Do you want to hear the stories Papa Bear used to tell me about the stars?” Eden glanced at her watch, the back at Oaks hopeful expression. An hour had already passed, but it certainly didn’t feel like it. She would even be so bold as to say that this little adventure was fun.

He added quickly after a moment, “Or I can walk you home if you want to sleep?”

“This is just one thing.” Eden laid down next to him and smiled at him. He mirrored it. “Tell me a story.”

[dakotacrisis]

Ursula

Okay so with that whole Cruella movie thing going on there is a post floating around about why they haven’t done something like this for Ursula who is mysterious and cool and has this interesting untold backstory. That just reminded me of the fact that back when Maleficent first came out 7 years ago I was thinking about that same premise but with Ursula and wrote what is basically a plot synopsis for an Ursula backstory I created and never did anything with.

I also didn’t want to hijack the original post I had saw addressing this so I am posting it here.

---

Ursula is from a race of merpeople with tentacles instead of fish tails that abandoned their home in the deeper part of the sea when food became scarce. During the move baby Ursula got separated from her family and found by a passing octopus who sees her and takes her to Atlantica. The then childless King Poseidon and Queen Amphitrite take Ursula in as their own. A couple years later Triton is born.

At first Ursula is a normal child. She is raised in a loving but strict home and groomed to assume the throne of Atlantica as she is the oldest child. Triton will get the other half of the sea to rule and start his own kingdom when the time comes. The King and Queen are actually really happy about having multiple children since it’ll divide the workload of ruling to a more manageable degree.

King Poseidon is strict and stern with a stubborn streak and a short temper. Despite this he is also a very brave, wise, caring, and protective father figure. While he may act distant and aloof he deeply cares about his children and is not afraid to be downright silly to make them smile. He takes a vested interest in teaching Ursula magic as she had an affinity for it as a child. Triton on another hand is taught more combat by Poseidon.

Queen Amphitrite is confident and charismatic with an effortless grace and elegance. She is highly intelligent and a gifted diplomat able to persuade others easily. She has a habit of being vain about her looks but only when out in public. In the comfort of her home with her family she is much more laid back and almost childlike and bubbly. She loves her children and takes a leading role in their studies and teaching them how to be leaders.

As children Triton and Ursula get along fine. They tease and fight like normal siblings do, but you can tell that there is a lot of love between them as well. As teenagers they are still close but puberty, maturity, and peer pressure cause them to make poor decisions.

Life goes on and while Ursula does face prejudice from some of the kingdom for her species she is assured by her family that they love her and she doesn’t need to change to please others. While it does help she still carries a certain resentment for those who do hate her just because of how she looks.

Growing into a teenager is where it really comes to a head. Ursula is a proud, intelligent, kind of arrogant and flamboyant young lady. She often has to fight back against the harsh comments and passive aggressive treatment of her peers which gives her a thick skin and pessimistic attitude.

Triton as a teenager has grown up to be very much like his father. He is stubborn and short tempered with a tendency to be dismissive and highly opinionated. He still cares about his family, especially his older sister, Ursula, but with pressure from his friends starts to act colder and more distant with her. When he stands up for her when she gets bullied he is ostracized by his friends. Eventually he stops helping altogether although he knows it is wrong and feels guilty about leaving her to fight her battles alone. As the bullying gets worse and her best friend, Triton, becoming more and more distant with her Ursula gets angrier and more selfish so to keep herself safe.

One day things are going a little too well. People are nicer and happy to see her. Confused at this sudden turn around but encouraged by her brother she opens up to them and starts to enjoy herself believing that maybe things are turning around.

This goes on for a couple days and Ursula lets her guard down and enjoys herself with her new friends. It is her birthday and the kingdom gathers together to celebrate. Ursula invites her new friends as her personal guests to the festivities. Unbeknownst to her though was that this was a long term con to get to this exact moment.

A thing about Ursula’s species is that they are predatory hunters. They hunt down live fish and other aquatic life for nourishment and like sharks get attracted by blood. This was a problem growing up for Ursula as it was a natural part of her biology that she had to learn to control but does go out and hunt away from the kingdom as needed.

Her peers use this information to their advantage and gift her a bunch of chum. Angered that her friendship with these people was all a ruse to embarrass her Ursula goes into a rage. She uses her magic to animate the chum and have it chase and stick to the party goers. Her parents try to calm her down and manage to get through to her for a moment to stop but at this point the blood from the chum has attracted a group of sharks that break into the party and start chasing everyone.

Poseidon, Triton, and the guards are able to drive the sharks away but the damage has been done. Everyone blames Ursula for the shark attack despite the fact that they only showed up because of her bully’s “gift”. Despite everything Ursula does get a lecture from her mother about learning to control her temper and that she was not taught magic to use it in such a way. Ursula tries to explain her side of things but is shrugged off and told to lay low while they fixed things. Ursula is essentially under house arrest and encouraged to not so much as leave her room as much as she can until things die down.

Triton comes by to check on her and tells her that it was messed up what those people did to her. One act of aggression did not make her a bad person and her species definitely did not. Ursula asks him that if what they did was so wrong then how come he didn’t say anything when she unwrapped their present? How come he’s been pushing her away these past couple of years? Did he think she wouldn’t notice that he abandoned her to defend herself?

Triton gets defensive and tells her that it was not like she made it easy all the time to defend her. Could she try to be a little more sociable and nice to people instead of holing herself up with her spells all day? People would probably like her better if she didn’t act so strange.

Ursula is stunned. He did not just tell her that it was her fault that she has been ostracized by the community because of her species and her keeping herself locked away from others was what was most beneficial to her mental health. He did not!

That’s not what he meant--

It sure sounded like that’s what he meant.

Ursula, please, let them talk about this.

No. She’s done talking. She’s done waiting for everyone to accept her. They are never going to accept her. Not as one of them and certainly never as their queen. If Triton, her brother, her best friend, could not see what was happening, could not support her, then she had nothing left here.

She flees the castle. A massive search is launched to find her but Ursula has retreated to one of the farthest and darkest reaches of the ocean. There she hones her power. Her memories also morph turning her reasonably pleasant childhood into a lonely recollection where neither of her parents loved her. Her teen years are even worse as she takes the rejection and scrutiny and amplifies it tenfold in her mind until she has convinced herself that everyone in the kingdom hated her and didn’t care about her at all. The only thing she has from her old life being the nautilus shell her mother had gifted her on the birthday everything went wrong. It was a symbol of power and her right to be ruler of the ocean.

Sometime during her isolation she befriended two moray eels, Flotsam and Jetsam, that she enlists to spy on Atlantica for her. There she sees preparations being made for Triton’s coronation. She crashes the coronation and while at first everyone is scared and guards are called Triton recognizes the necklace and his long lost sister and swims to embrace her and welcome her home.

Ursula is not taken in by his sincere relief and gratitude that she is back and tells him that the throne was hers alone. Triton of course is confused because he does not understand why she is so angry with him. He did not choose to be king alone, everyone thought she had runaway never to be seen again years ago. They were supposed to rule together as brother and sister until she left.

Ursula goes on a rant about how he couldn’t have truly believed that. They had never been friends. They were never even family as far as she was concerned. She alone was supposed to rule the seas and she was here to reclaim her birthright and she was ready to take out Triton to do it.

Triton is now angry that his sister does not believe him and hurt that she hates him now. He tells her she does not deserve the throne after abandoning it and the two get into a large fight. Triton’s brute strength versus Ursula’s magic. It is pretty close with Ursula almost getting the upper hand before Triton manages to knock her back and she is subdued. Unable to do the deed of sentencing what was once his beloved sister to death he instead banishes her back to where she came from. Ursula vows to have her revenge and take back her crown.

Back in Atlantica Triton stares at the one remaining portrait of Ursula that remained hanging in the palace. A family picture of Poseidon, Amphitrite, Ursula, and Triton. Triton has it taken down and hidden away. It would be better for future generations that Ursula be seen as an evil sea witch that must be avoided than the rightful queen of the ocean she had been raised to be. He has his own growing family to worry about after all and it is better if they don’t know who she really is.

Epilogue brings news to Ursula via Flotsam and Jetsam that Triton’s youngest daughter has been seen skulking around sunken ships. Interesting. Be sure to keep an eye on this one.

END

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gosh I wish I had 17 year old me’s motivation to write this and fully flush it out.

[akudama-drive-incorrect-quotes]

Akudama Drive Character Opinions/Thoughts Pt. 2

Heyo!! <3 Here’s Pt. 2. I can’t believe this has two parts OMG. Remember that these are just my opinions so feel free to disagree with me! This was just a ramble I did for fun. I know it’s different from what I normally post, but hey! I wanted to try something new. :D 

Please enjoy and message me with anything. And definitely check out Pt. 1 if you haven’t done so already!

Cutthroat: I think I have a special place in my heart for white haired, crazy psychopaths, oop. (Juuzou Suzuya and Rui*) I adored Cutthroat from the very first moment I saw him. [Side note: I’m kind of disappointed that the show went with the pronoun “He” (I was super excited to have a nonbinary character, but alas.] Those little moments in the beginning with Swindler and Cutthroat were weird, but surprisingly wholesome at times and I really loved when he ate the tin of marshmallows, dropped the knife (you know when xD), and pressed all the buttons on board the airbus. I equally loved the serious side of him that showed that he was much more intelligent than he let on (that scene where he throws his knives to reach the button; Episode 3). I just thought that those two different personalities mixed in with the childlike-psychoticness was super refreshing (even if we’ve seen characters like him before). But as much as I love Cutthroat, I have mixed feelings about his death in episode 9. I know some people are angry at Swindler for killing him, but honestly I think it kind of had to be done what with the way that he was acting towards her (love vs. bloodlust. IT'S nOT lOvE). So while I’m definitely sad boi over him dying, I do admit that he was genuinely terrifying during his last moments. (Haha I prefer the Cutthroat that spends his day eating marshmallows, thank you!!)

Brother: Toilet Bound Hanako-Kun anyone? Lmaoo. I liked him a lot. I thought he was a cutie and I really admired the strength/resilience he showed in trying to protect his Sister (something that I’m sure was endearing to a lot of us). I was definitely aware that the two of them were Sus from the beginning when we saw them on board the Shinkansen, but I never could’ve imagined the ending! I originally predicted them being the bad guys of the story and that the Akudama would have to ally with the Executioners. But all in all I’m SO RELIEVED the two of them were able to escape to somewhere better. I loved the role that Swindler played within their lives (even for a short time) and how she helped Brother and Sister show more outward emotions to one another. Also that scene where he was surprised at all the swear words Sister learned was so funny. xD 

Sister: I was suspicious of both Brother and Sister from the very beginning and really didn’t have strong feelings for either of them. Sort of like. “Yay kids…?.” But I’m so glad that Sister really found herself with Swindler and was able to become more expressive and more child-like. It hurts to know that these two children can and never will have normal lives/childhoods, so in a really sad way Swindler was able to give Sister a glimpse into a normal life during her last few days. ;-; I really can’t say much more about Sister, besides the fact that I’m genuinely very happy that the two of them were able to continue living on hopefully in a better place. Her moments with Swindler and Courier were so cute!! And the way that she repeated everything they said was adorable. Also. HER OUTFIT slayed. I was so touched by the sisterly relationship that Sister and Swindler had. <3 

Executioner (Master): DayUM SiR save some of that badasseryness for the rest of us. He was super cool and I think his entire arc around his death was super well done!! A truly Breathtaking end to his life. While watching the show I definitely acknowledged how strong he was, but overall apart from that I can’t say I really had any particular feelings towards him. I have a confession: I didn’t really react too much to his death (I’m sorryyy I’m a terrible person). I appreciated more so about what he allowed for story-wise, I think he was a great example for the moral ambiguities between Akudama and Executioner/the moments between him and his pupil were great, but that’s about it. I think his final moments were very powerful and I could tell that he cared about his pupil a lot so that’s nice, especially in the context of her character growth later on in the show...which is amazing!! 

Executioner (Pupil): I really wished she would have joined the Akudama side. I obviously know that that would never happen, but it would’ve been amazing for her to question the actions of the executioners and change sides. We see that she isn’t driven in the same way that her boss or her teacher were and seemed genuinely affected when the little girl told her that her parents were killed in the riots. It would’ve been so cool to see her fight against Doctor alongside Hoodlum, Courier, Swindler in the train station (Side note: If the circumstances had been different, I don’t think she would’ve allowed Doctor to get her way like that, but who knows?). Another thing I loved was seeing the time lapse between her being a dedicated student to becoming almost a replica of her teacher (scar of some sort with a fierce determination to fight alone), but unlike her teacher, I felt more inclined to like her for whatever reason. I just felt that it would’ve been great to see her rise up against the Executioners and question her own morals further (even if that might have included sparing some Akudama’s lives). But overall, I liked her more as the season progressed. Go Girl! 

Executioner (Junior): This POOR boy had it rough. I mean signing on to be the junior apprentice of an Executioner during all of this?! And also the fact that Doctor literally pierced his heart with a needle AND he later got shot (possibly killed?) Like leave him alone! :00 Haha, but seriously, he seemed super nice and almost seemed like the Executioner equivalent to Swindler (not entirely sure what they’re doing/gets pulled into the mess of the Akudama, etc.). I thought he was super cute. :3

Boss: She was lowkey a bad bitch tho not gonna lie. I found her super cool with a great sense of authority...that is until she ordered all of the citizens to literally be slaughtered. I can understand why she issued the first order of having all the citizens be turned into Akudama, but then like just killing all of them that were rioting?? NOOO. I’m not quite too sure what else I should say about her? I thought she was interesting and would’ve liked to see her fight, or her own past (she seems older so backstory of the Executioners would’ve been fun!) 

Black Cat (A.I) : While parts of Brother and Sister’s backstories were a little lost on me, I liked the addition of Black Cat as sort of a mini-catalyst to the entire hijacking mission in the beginning. I think the cat had a great presence in the first episode (almost a symbol of bad luck from the moment Swindler finds them...OoooOO). Not much to say apart from the fact that like. Yup. That's a robot cat. [Side note: Sort of reminds me of Monokuma xD) 

Hope you enjoyed this! Check Out Pt. 1! 💕

[randowolfwriter]

Been working on this forever, but here’s my take on the Older Warners au, mostly with Wakko and his family. Basically, this relates back to the rockstar!au I thought up for Wakko a while back where he joins a band a few years after the original Animaniacs ended, only now he also starts a family along the way. Currently, Wakko is a single dad raising fraternal twins named Jojo and Smakko and teaches them both how to be zany toons like him. Eventually, he moves his family back to the Warner Bros lot during the production of the Animaniacs reboot, where Yakko and Dot also help out with raising the twins. 

More details about the story and the twins for anyone’s that curious, because I’ve been thinking about this au for a pretty long time. 

Given that they’re toons, the Warners shouldn’t be able to age, and yet if they did then it would be completely unexplained. One day they woke up and realized that they were aging just like humans. Of course this haunts each of them, including Yakko, who does all that he can to reassure his siblings that eventually this will pass and they’ll go back to being kids again. However, that wasn’t the case, and the three learn to accept that growing up was just a part of life. Even so, age wasn’t going to stop the Warners from serving justice to the unjust and wrecking havoc on adults with massive egos, which would go on until their late teens. 

During these years Wakko’s love for music also grows, and eventually he ends up forming a band with a few other toons around the studio. At first, their performances consisted of causing chaos around the lot and crashing production shoots-- infuriating Plotz to no end as the current CEO at the time-- yet when they noticed they were receiving positive attention from curious onlookers and angsty teens that liked their approach in fighting against the system, the band decided to become official. With this, Wakko is the first to leave the Warner Bros. lot and pursue his dreams of becoming a rockstar just like his idols. At first, he played as the band’s chaotic drummer, but as the years went on and he grew more confident, he also had the chance to man the front and sing a few solos for their band that would be named Toonz. 

A few years later, Dot is the next to leave as she goes on to become a successful business woman and leave her child actor days behind. Yakko is the only one who ends up staying on the lot and continues to call the water tower home. At first, he started out as a comedian who did shows regularly, but as time went on and he became a little tone deaf with his audience, he started doing small acting bits around the studio. Yakko’s biggest achievement yet was creating a small web series where he posted educational songs to teach children certain topics, including a video that was an updated version of his iconic “countries of the world” song. 

Meanwhile, Toonz takes the nation by storm. The attention they get is astounding, so much so, that they’re nearly invited everywhere in Hollywood, or if not then they’d crash it anyway. One party they crash in particular is where Wakko ends up meeting the twin’s mother. The party was held by a popular British singer named Jojo who was living in the states at the time and the twin’s mother so happened to be one of her stage managers. Jojo is unamused by the party crashers antics, yet tries to make the most of her night by introducing the twin’s mother to Wakko. One thing led to another and strangely the two began hitting it off, that is, until Wakko drunkenly sings “Wakko’s America” and crashes through a glass table. 

Thank to Jojo and Toonz doing tons of collabs between each other, Wakko and the twins’ mother saw each other constantly. Eventually their random encounters turned into dating, and already two years had gone by. She was different than the other women he dated, and by that, really one of the only people who could put up with his cartoony antics. Not to mention, she also had a long-time hobby in drawing and sketching, which Wakko always loved posing as her muse. Eventually, Wakko decided to take their relationship to the next step and the two got married in Vegas. 

One night, after Wakko and his wife returned from a long night of drinking and partying, the twins’ mother found herself drawing two twins that looked like Wakko from the original Animaniacs series. She didn’t now what possessed her to come up with them, but for some reason, she really felt like drawing them. As usual, Wakko being made of ink provided color for the sketch and gave them their black fur and red noses. All was going well until the twin’s mother accidentally got a paper cut and bled onto the page. After this, the two decided to call it a night and went to bed, unaware of what was happening to the page as they were sleeping. 

Later that night, the two heard a loud crash coming from the kitchen. Afraid that it was a couple of robbers, Wakko goes to investigate, claiming that he wanted to greet his new “special” friends. What Wakko ends up finding instead are two little toon babies with puppy dog ears, cat-like tails, black furred with white faces, and tiny little pink noses that looked exactly like him. Upon further investigation, they soon discovered that the page they drew the twins on earlier was blank, which meant that for some reason, the twins came to life exactly the same way Wakko did (except they came out as babies.) Thus, Jojo and Smakko Warner were brought into the world and Wakko and his wife were now parents.  

For the next decade, Wakko continued playing in the band while his wife stayed home to take care of the kids. Whether it’d be at practice or having yearly tours, Wakko unfortunately couldn’t be with his kids as much as he wanted to, yet, when he was able to spend some quality time with them, he gave it his all. He got to see what an adorable and excitable girl Jojo was, what a mischievous nature she held in courtesy of the Warner name, and what a big heart she had for those around her. As for Smakko, though he was timid and shy he was also very inquisitive, and with inheriting his Daddoo’s toon abilities the boy was practically the spitting image of him. 

For years, it seemed as if nothing could tear the family apart. Sure, the twins had their moments, as well as most kids did; if anything they were more well behaved than the father they came from. Not only that, but barely were there any arguments or secrets kept between parents and children. Yet, nothing could have prepared Wakko for the day his wife died in a tragic accident, leaving him alone as a single father. Knowing that the twins had no one else to care for them, Wakko retired from the band to commit himself full-time in raising Jojo and Smakko. 

A year later, Wakko buys an RV and decides to take his kids on the road. He wanted to teach them everything he knew when they were his age, get the chance to see the world, and help them get in touch with their toon heritage. Though Jojo was more than excited to spend time with her Daddoo as much as possible, Smakko on the other other hand was less than thrilled. All the boy wanted was for things to return back to normal; when their mother was always around and their Daddoo seemed more concerned with his band. 

Months into this family entourage, and Wakko gets a call from Yakko:  Animaniacs was returning, and they wanted all three of the Warner siblings to come back. With this, Wakko moves the twins to the Warner Bros. lot and gives them the chance to see where he grew up. They move into the water tower with Yakko, who is more than happy as he’s been rather lonesome for the last two decades. Dot however is a little less than compliant to return to her roots, but eventually she warms up to the idea that the reboot would be willing to work with a more mature version of herself. Now that the three Warner siblings were reunited plus two, the family works together to bring back the joy and laughter that the original series gave to many. Though they’re a lot older, the three siblings are convinced they still have it in them. Eventually once the reboot runs its course, Wakko intends to get him and the kids back on the road, but for now, they’re content where they’re at. 

Now, about the twins!

Jojo Warner:

Birthday: June 8th, 2009 (11 years old) 

Fraternal twin sister to Smakko. 

Since the parents were brought together by the singer, Jojo, she had the honor of being the girl’s godparent. With this, she named the baby after herself in defense of saying that “Jojo” wasn’t her real name, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be their daughter’s.  

Her ears are bigger than any of the other Warners, which is why they usually need to be tied back. Not like they cover her eyes or anything, but when she was little she used to chew on them constantly, causing concern for the new parents.

The heart hair tie she wears is from her mother and she treasures it dearly.

Out of both her parents, she has a stronger relationship with her Daddoo due to their mischievous and childlike personalities. 

Just like Wakko, she has a ravenous appetite that only got bigger with age. As a toddler, if she didn’t get to eat right away, she would run around the house and throw a giant tantrum until she got her way. Sometimes, she still has a tendency to do this if her heart is set on something. 

The only Disney movie she’s ever seen is Frozen, which proved her Daddoo’s point about them being mindless garbage when she wouldn’t stop singing Let It Go for months. Because of this, the kids were banned from seeing anymore Disney films.

When she was five, she ripped off Wakko’s tail while rough housing with it. Though it wasn’t that big of a deal thanks to Wakko being part salamander, that didn’t stop him from tricking Jojo into thinking she tore it off for good. Of course, the prank went too far when Jojo broke down in tears and begged over and over about how sorry she was, so Wakko finally decided to show his kids their amazing regenerating abilities and grew his tail back. Smakko immediately threw up after this. (I swear, that tail scene in the reboot was hella nasty) 

One of her favorite hobbies is collecting weird things she finds on her adventures, whether it be a strangely shaped rock, a piece of trash, and yes, she even still has her Daddoo’s tail. 

Another one of her favorite hobbies is playing with the small guitar her Daddoo gave her. On warm summer nights, Wakko and Jojo will sit on the roof of the RV or the water tower and sing into the night. Some of their favorites include songs by the Beatles, or songs by various rock groups. While her Daddoo strums on an electric guitar, she comes in with her acoustic to create a beautiful yet strange harmony. She hopes to be the lead singer of her own band one day. 

Despite living up to the Warner name, Jojo didn’t inherit any of their cartoon abilities, which bugs her to this day. The only way she can keep up with her family’s antics is by engaging in witty banter and annoying the heck out of her victims. Sort of a mixture of Yakko and Dot’s form of humor.

She gets along well with her Uncle Yakko since both of them can’t keep their mouths shut. During the Warners’ escapades, she looks to Yakko on how to strengthen her form of humor.

As for her Aunt Dot, the two are slowly forming a relationship. Due to Jojo’s tomboyish nature, Dot has a harder time getting on her level of understanding-- though that doesn’t mean the two don’t confide in each other if they ever need to rant about the boys of the family.

She’s considered the leader of the twins due to being more confident and does most of the talking during their escapades. 

She’s also very social, which leads her wanting to engage in more activities with kids her age such as going to school or trying to find her own niche of friends. Luckily, she ends up finding her own group when she befriends some of the child stars at the Warner Bros. studio.

Since her mother’s death, she believes that her mother looks down on them from the brightest star in the sky and grants them wishes. Every night, Jojo makes the same exact wish, not for herself but for her family:  She wishes for Wakko to have all the happiness in the world while she wishes for Smakko to be more confident in himself. 

Smakko Warner:

Birthday: June 8th, 2009 (11 years old) 

Basically my take on the forgotten character, Smakky from the original drafts of the Warners but like, less angry and more anxious. 

He was a fussy baby. Most nights, he refused to be left alone in his crib and cried for hours into the night until his parents surrendered and consoled him. Usually this was an inconvenience for both Wakko and his wife, as well as the neighbors when they used to live in an apartment. One night, Wakko nearly got in a fight with a neighbor after they complained about the child’s insistent crying.

Out of both parents, he favors his mother the most. Her soft voice and reassuring words were always his form of comfort throughout his childhood. Due to Wakko always practicing with the band or going on tours, Smakko didn’t gain that much of a connection with him. Most of the time, Smakko found his Daddoo to be a little scary due to his brash cartoon nature. 

Out of both twins he’s the shyest and will usually cling onto his family members whenever he meets someone new. He also has a tendency to get nervous real easily. Opponents are to be wary when they back him into a corner, lest they want to face his fearful wrath.

Unlike his sister, his toon abilities appeared the minute he was born. Upon naming him, he summoned a baby rattle and smacked his uncle on the head with it until he was given back to his mother. Hence, the boy was given the name “Smakko.” 

Nowadays, the boy is able to summon mallets to his whim, cream pies to his choosing, and is able to teleport from place to place— however, this only happens whenever he’s frightened or really stressed. If anyone gets him extremely anxious, they either get pounded with a mallet or blown up with dynamite. In a way, his cartoon abilities act as a defensive reflex. 

Another conundrum the parents faced during Smakko’s first years was being able to keep track of him. Most of the time, the boy would hide constantly either because he felt uncomfortable or something scared him. Sometimes, he’d end up in the most bizarre places such as in the freezer, in a load of laundry, or even in the ceiling. The only reason his parents knew where to find him was if they heard crying. 

While his sister’s form of comedy is vocal, his is more physical like his Daddoo’s. 

He also has a really small appetite compared to his Daddoo and sister. Most days, he can last with just a bowl of cereal up until dinner. He’s just not as passionate about eating like the rest of his family. Adding onto that, he’s a vegetarian. He gets sick at the thought of eating meat or harming animals to get his meal.

He’s very fond of animals, mostly smaller animals that he can pick up. He’s considered many times getting a pet, but due to the Warners active lifestyle, it’s something that’ll have to wait. As for now, he’ll help move bugs from getting crushed or summon food for hungry strays. (Rita and Runt go to him constantly for free food.)

He likes his Aunt Dot more than his Uncle Yakko. His uncle talks too much which overwhelms him. Meanwhile, Dot has that toned down personality that sort of resembles his mother’s, that is, until her brothers get her riled up.

Though Smakko loves his family, sometimes their crazy antics can get a little much. He misses his mother dearly considering that she was the only form of normalcy in his life. Now that she’s gone, he feels rather lost and doesn’t know how to open up to his Daddoo. Wakko on the other hand tries all that he can to calm himself around Smakko and assures him that his Dadoo will always be there for him. However, the boy’s anxiety is one that Wakko will have to learn to work with. 

[fiction-in-my-blood]

MC Being Lesbian Fluff/Smut-ish (MWA7R)

I thought it’d be pretty funny to think of how stories would turn out if the MC was gay. So basically this is a shit post but heh heh let’s see how it goes.

Warning: Mature, Reference to sex, Mild language.

~~~~~~

After the company wide meeting appointing the new special executives, I make my way up to the CEO’s office to collect my reward. This is all pretty sus. I should have asked to sign later. I sighed to myself, dropping my face into my hands as I walked down the hall. 

“Hey, MC, nice work!” A female coworker I’m... close with laughs as she passing me and I sigh. She’s smirking, probably imagining me naked after all the times we’ve rolled around in each other’s bed after company parties. Luckily, she doesn’t work in my division, so we only see each other in the halls, but somehow she always finds me.

“Still available for later?” She pretends to hand me a file, drawing close so she can whisper in my ear. I blush, having completely forgotten about the meeting we organised. I don’t know how today will turn out after how crazy its already been.

“I’ll text you if my plans change.” I force a smile and this time she sighs. 

“So tense. You need to relax.” Her voice is low as she discreetly runs her fingers down my back and gives my ass a quick pinch. I squeak, not expecting it, and she laughs, continuing her voyage back to her office.

~~~~~~

My grandfather is- was the CEO of the company I work at and I have to marry a man? That’s all I got from what the now acting CEO, Hayami explained. I was distraught, embarrassed and confused. First of all, what asshole doesn’t introduce himself to his own granddaughter? Well, maybe I should be thankful for that, he could have disowned me too. Who’s to say he didn’t already know I was gay? Well, him insisting I marry a man would be a clue to his ignorance. 

“Um, there’s just one thing.” I laugh awkwardly as Seiichiro asks if any of us have any questions. Ren and Yamato aren’t here, so I don’t feel as embarrassed to come out to all these strikingly handsome men... Until they burst through the door... And agree to join the marriage program. I try to interrupt their conversation, but they seem too busy planning what to do with me to listen. Eventually, I get tired. 

“I’m not marrying anyone in this room!” I announce as loudly as possible and they all freeze, turning to me with varying degrees of amusement or annoyance. 

“You have to, you signed this contract.” Seiichiro smirked, pushing forward the evidence he’s already threatened me with. I cross my arms, wishing I was in a closet on the other side of the planet- excuse the pun. 

“I’m not marrying anyone because I’m not interested in men.” Trying my best to ignore my two childhood best friends standing either side of me, I blush, avoiding all the astonished looks that take over their faces. I didn’t realise I was only attracted to women until after they graduated, and I’m too awkward to just come out and say it, they never needed to know anyway. Arisa and Yumi know, mainly because they walked in on me and my lady friend making out on my desk late one night at the office, but no one else does.

“You’re gay? This is just perfect!” Asahi laughs, obviously amused by this development.

“MC... Why-?” Yamato frowns his brows at me but I give him the look. The look that says this really isn’t the time for him to be acting brotherly. 

“This is a predicament.” Seiichiro’s face screws up in contemplation, glaring at the document in his hands as he tries to think of what else to do. 

“Yeah, it’s a real shame... So I’m gonna go...” I lead off, already turning around o leave the room when I hit face-to-chest contact with someone who snuck up behind me. Blushing, I step back, only to see Hiroto smirking down at me. 

“I do like a woman who likes to experiment.” 

This time, I laugh. Mainly because I cannot believe he just said that. “You’re a pig.” I spit, pushing him to the side so I can make it out of this room with as much dignity as I came here with. God, I hated coming out. Why can’t it just be normal to be a homo.

~~~~~~

That night, I definitely called over my lady friend. An agreement of our working relationship is that we share no feelings, its just sex, but I’m so pent up with frustration I may have dominated a little more than I usually do. Which, thankfully, she doesn’t seem to mind.

Panting on the bed in my apartment, I gazing up at the ceiling, resting my head on her arm. 

“You... You really went there today.” Her breathing was just as ragged and, although her tone was light-hearted, I grew worried I had hurt or annoyed her. “No, its fine. I liked it. But, there’s something bothering you? After you won all that money, I would have thought you were buying me champagne.” She chuckles, sitting up once I did to gauge her expression and grabbing a shirt off the floor, not checking if it was hers or mine. 

“I didn’t win money.” I sighed, throwing my head back against my pillow as I spread my limbs as I far as I could. I needed a massage. I was still pissed by what the financial group’s executive said and how I was probably still going to get pushed into that situation. The bed dipped beside me as my sex friend rested her head on my chest. 

“You’re heart’s racing, but that might be because you just gave me the best orgasm I’ve ever had.” She jokes, worried but trying to keep the conversation light, and I huff a chuckle.

“I won a husband.” I didn’t mind telling her what happened today. We trusted each other with our secret and I knew she didn’t like gossip. But, I could tell my admission made her concerned when she lifted herself up on her arms and stared into my eyes. She was trying to see if their was a teasing glint in my eyes, but, alas, this was not a prank.

“Apparently, I’m the granddaughter of the late CEO and I need to marry one of the Special Executives unless the company folds. That contract I signed? A fucking marriage contract!” I growled, getting more annoyed by the second. I still hadn’t put any clothes on, the sheet draped over my lower half, but I was getting hot with anger. What kind of grandfather, not to mention CEO, makes that kind of deal?!

“That’s not legal.” Being a part of the company’s legal team, my bed buddy frowned her brows as I sat up, resting my head against the back board, keeping my gaze on the ceiling to try and stop my tears. I. Was. So. Annoyed. It took me a long time to admit to myself I liked... loved women and now I’m being pushed into a loveless marriage with a man!

“Of course it isn’t, but that’s not gonna stop Sanno’s right-hand man.” I said the title in a funny voice, which made my friend giggle, but I just sighed at my poor attempt of a joke. We’re silent for a moment, both of us in deep contemplation over the strange change of events. 

“Marry me.” She suddenly says and my gaze jerks to her. Her expression is serious, more than I’ve ever seen it, and I become increasingly aware that I am butt-ass naked. 

“Wh-What?” I blush. I’ll admit, I had more feelings for her than I should have. She’s funny, sweet and incredibly beautiful. Even though she pushes the line of what’s appropriate in the workplace, it’s light-hearted. I’ve never had a bad time with her. Not to mention how good a cook she is. How unbelievably smart. We’ve been at this for months. 6 whole months since we hooked up at the office Christmas party. But, we’ve never gone on a date. I’ve never met any of her friends, and the only time she’s met mine is when we were half naked, grinding on each other in my apartment, and they ran out seconds after they walked in. 

“Come on, MC, we both know we have a greater connection than just in the bedroom. I... I’ve loved you for a long time now, I was so scared to say it, but if we say you’re already engaged, they won’t be able to push you into anything.” She cups my cheek in her hand, her eyes growing dewy and almost childlike. I feel my own eyes grow with tears. 

“B-But that means you’ll have to come out. What about your job? If anyone knew you were gay, won’t they look down on you?” I frowned my brows, not wanting her to ruin her life for me. Although, my heart fluttered with each word she spoke. 

“My team knows, they have no problem with it. And they can’t fire me, its against the law. We’re in separate divisions, so we won’t get in trouble. I’m not scared if I’ve got you to back me.” Her gaze nervously drops for a moment, but the seriousness within them returns two-fold when we make eye contact again. I feel my face blush darkly and I gulp to try and wet my throat enough to speak without a shaky voice. “So, will you marry me?” 

“Y-Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you!” I start off quiet, but its difficult to hold in my excitement as I jump onto her, pushing my lips so fiercely against hers I would have worried I’d chip a tooth, but I was too happy. I feel vibrations of her chuckle as I clamber on top of her, my body alight with desire once again, even after the hours we went at it only moments ago. 

“You giving me newly-wed sex, now?” She sighed in pleasure as I practically ripped the top off her, hungrily kissing her neck. 

“I’m giving you everything.” I lean up to whisper in her ear before dipping down again. What followed were hours longer of exercise and love making, which I was definitely happy to have for the rest of my life. 

~~~~~~

“You’re already engaged?” Seiichiro didn’t look very impressed as I stood in front of his desk, a broad smile on my face. It was still a little embarrassing to say and, seeing as I had neither a ring on my finger or my partner beside me, it was hard to prove .Not to mention how exhausted I was when we kept each other up until morning, but I paid that no mind.

“And who is this partner of your’s? A woman, perhaps?” Likely not believing my excuse after walking out of the meeting yesterday, the acting CEO raised an eyebrow at me. 

Then, a knock came to the door and my heart fluttered. “You might want to answer that.” My smile grew and he frowned his brows, instructing the person to enter. 

There stood my beautiful bride-to-be, dressed in her sexy pant suit with a whole stack of sexy legal files tucked under her sexy arm. I might be a little biased.  She was going to help me get out of the contract. When our eyes met, my heart raced, making my face blush. She stepped forward, introducing herself as an employee of the company before bowing to our boss’s boss’s boss. 

“I would like to know how you thought you’d get away with forcing my fiancee to sign that marriage contract of your’s?” She smirked, Seiichiro’s expression faltering and my heart exploding at the word. Fiancee. Wow, I’ve never heard it sound so good. 

“You- And you- You’re-?” Seiichiro couldn’t wrap his small pee-brain around the idea and we both tried to stifle a laugh at the bewildered look on his normally stoic face. 

“Would you like me to prove it?” My fiancee- oh god I’ll never not get excited at saying that- wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to her. Using all my self control not to jump on her right here and now, I mockingly slapped her arm, telling her how unprofessional this was. 

Before, however, she could release me, the doors the office opened once again.

“Sei, have you solved the-?” As we turn around, my soon-to-be-wife’s arms still wrapped around my waist, I see several of the men competing for my hand freeze the second they observe this scene. I blush, still as horrifically embarrassed by PDAs as I was before, but my girlfriend seems very amused, noted but the jump in her chest as she chuckles.

“You shouldn’t be looking at other marriage candidates when I’m around.” She whispered in my ear, guiding my gaze back to her with the pinch on my chin. I blush, mustering my courage to say what I want to say in front of all these eyes. 

“There’s no others.” I mumble before crashing my lips into her’s. We’re heatedly seeking each other for a moment, my fiancee maybe feeling a little possessive with her hand bunching my hair to pull me closer. Luckily, I have the wherewithal to pull back, although my breathing is a little ragged and my face is bright red as I smile sheepishly at her. 

“I think you’ll find all these documents prove intent and evidence of your crime. Oh, and if you think of firing me, I have a contract with the company that allows me to sue for wrongful termination. We’ll have a meeting at the end of the week to go over a consolidation arrangement for causing emotion harm to my fiancee. Good day, Mr Hayami.” My fiancee smiles as she hands over the papers she walked in here with and bows.

“I’ll see you at lunch.” She leans into my ear but speaks loud enough for the other’s to just about hear as she pinches my butt again, leaving with almost a skip in her step. 

“That was a lawyer from HR?” Hiroto loudly exclaimed once the door shut and probably the woman I’ve ever loved most is no longer here. I’m almost caught in a daze remembering how strong she just acted to save me. 

“Why am I not surprised you knew that?” Junta sighs, obviously not happy with this turn in events as I shake the sinful thoughts out of my head. God, I love her. 

Turning back to Seiichiro, who’s leisurely sifting through the files my fiancee gave him, I watch the scowl etched in his face cut deeper. He sighs, mutters something under his breath, and pulls what I’m sure is my marriage contract out of his top desk drawer. “You can marry anyone you please, it won’t impede the soundness of the company or pile a mountain of debt over you.” I can hear him crying internally at being bested as he tears the contract in two.

“Thank you, sir! I’m very grateful!” I bow lowly, too overjoyed to notice how ticked off most of the men in the room are. 

After that day, I’m very open with my relationship. Yamato and Ren warm to my fiancee very well, although it seems like a purely professional relationship. Yumi and Arisa, mainly Arisa, are more than happy to help me plan the wedding- seeing as they’ll be a big part in it- and we have a small destination wedding thanks to my inheritance money. I’m more than happy, I don’t know a word to describe it. Our careers are going well and neither of us want kids just yet, but in time. I’m just so happy I could marry the person I love being the real me.

~~~~~~

This turned out way cuter than I expected it to, but I am SO here for it lol. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! I’d love to hear your thoughts!

[franziska-writes]

blackberry (1/2, second part in reblog)

warning: if you're sensitive to mentions of or reading about deceit, acting, teeth, general themes of romance, arguing, death, harm, manipulation, swearing/cursing/bad words, dramatized themes of danger, stress, fear, crying, mentions of food, negative self talk, poor and unhealthy coping mechanisms, fire, emotional masking, trauma, god/religion mentions, self blaming, oversharing, grandfather mentions, caps, no caps, then reader discretion is advised.

as I laid myself down to sleep that night, images of her flashed across my eyelids, and questions floated about in my brain like the remnants of light I saw when I closed my eyes. who was she? how did she know how to charm me so well? so intuitively? what was it about me that gave her such intimate access to my wants and desires? but then, as that question toppled off the heap of other such queries, there was a stillness in which I made a revelation.

it wasn’t anything about me in particular that allowed her entry into my mind—it was the woman herself.

I’d had my eyes on her all night, keeping careful watch after I narrowly realized what she was doing. I’d seen her change her colors like a chameleon or an octopus or something entirely otherworldly. her body language would shift to match and compliment whomever she was speaking to—where the sparks of playful rivalry took hold in one conversation, a childlike innocence possessed her in the next. and I had no clue how she could possibly come to have all these different, impossibly perfect qualities possessing her at just the right moment—up until I realized that she was the one possessing them.

this woman was a marvellous actor, far greater than any seen in film.

where film actors worked with a script and set motions and cameras ready to re-record any scene, she worked with real people, with real situations, with moments she had no choice to re-do.

and it was in this moment that her danger fully struck me: this woman, whom I’d all but fallen head over heels for the moment I’d met her, was a shapeshifter.

no, maybe not in the fantastical sense—but it was there.

the gleam in her eye, childlike and bright and new. the glint of chandelier light off her teeth, summoning and bold and terrifying. the shimmer bouncing off her lipgloss, romaticible and flirtatious and seemingly unknowingly breathtaking. she shot to stun.

it was all instinctively woven, all created on the spot from a single introduction alone, all seamlessly stitched together so well that you’d see depth where there was only darkness.

but then again, perhaps she was a siren.

the tantalizing pull when her eyes met yours, like you’d known each other your whole lives and knew no world without the other. the sweet lull of her voice, melting over every syllable like molten metal. the poetry that she spoke, like fire trailing down my limbs as she spoke to me and said my every desire out loud for only us two to hear……. the performance never gave up. she struck to kill, and oh, I think I let her already……

this woman.

this peculiar, dangerously endearing, disarmingly charming woman—this woman, whose eyes were hazelnut whilst also being lizard-green, whose hair was a shifting multitude of different shades of blonde, whose lips were just pillowy enough and whose cheekbones could cut more than glass and whose brows perked just in that right way—oh, dear god, had she enchanted me.

only for me to be told it wasn’t real, only for her to be told to give up the illusion, only for something realer and angrier and bitterer to rear her sharp-defined face for me to see as she laughed at my inability to see through her.

and even then, there was nothing.

only the cold shell of what was born into this world as a human being, but was now something entirely different—simply put: gone.

when I looked into her eyes around the others, they were hollow, hateful, devoid of any and all goodness or emotion or anything even remotely close to that undeniable spark that all life supposedly held.

but when she was out there—out there, doing her job, the one we’d brought her on for…...she shapeshifted, truly, and fully.

her eyes gleamed gold and brown and green and even red under the different lights. her mouth twisted upwards and rested downwards and was open enough for me to see her bite her bottom lip and glance over just to see me cry on the inside. her shoulders were lax and back and shrunk inward depending on just how much she was leading the conversation—though, no matter what, she always had complete control.

and now, as I laid myself down to sleep, I couldn’t get her out of my mind.

how flamboyant and intoxicating she’d been to everyone at the dinner party, how she’d melted in through the cracks to form whoever she needed to be for them, how she’d caught the void in every person’s heart and filled it with illusions of her own making—god, I needed to know how it was so convincing.

and several weeks of using her talents to extract valuable information later, I’d know.

she’d had exactly the same baseline with me every time we met around the others: somewhat withdrawn, burnt-out almost, a faded capture of what she thought a real human being ought to be underneath all the sparkle and jazz-handing of showbiz. she was a performer, through and through, and even this was a performance—although, I got the sense that I was seeing something I wasn’t meant to: she was tired.

and finally, I’d have clarity on that, because I was left alone with her for the first time.

she’d just blown up on everybody, snapping off like she usually did until one of the group said something particularly choice that I didn’t catch. suddenly, the shell before me erupted into roaring flames—the way her voice deepened as she bellowed, the way her tongue slipped over every personally hurtful word she spat out at everyone, the way she rose up and was suddenly more physically imposing than I’d ever thought a person could be….! I was scared for my damn life—I thought for sure she would kill me if I looked at her for too long. and she did it all without breaking a sweat—her hands didn’t shake, and her voice never wavered or clipped, and her eyes were dry and her face was pale. she chewed every single person in the room out, assaulted them at their weak spots and threw the verbal equivalent of boiling hot acid their way—and she did this to everyone except for me. I thought I was lucky to be alive. I was glad for being ignored, and prayed to god that she’d forgotten all about me in the act of getting some apparently well-deserved insults out to settle in the dust of her past with everyone else.

but when she ordered everyone out of the room, I went to go with the rest of them—but she boldly said no, glared them all in the eyes and said that I could stay. when I looked back to my friends for some sort of excuse to go with them, to convey my complete and utter shock at her words, to beg them all through my eyes to get me away from this horrifying display of power so far beyond anything I’d ever seen in a person………….they just stared back. upset, and hurt, and also just as confused as I was.

they left me all alone with that snake—because by then, that’s what I’d been calling her: a snake. not based off any old garden snake or viper, but based off the serpent that convinced Eve to take a bite of the forbidden fruit.

based off temptation and willful deceit.

the moment the door shut and the group meandered away was the moment I felt the room change with her.

it was like the power being cut in the middle of a wild storm, only for the storm to be cut with it; it was silent. still.

and then, she gave a great sigh, and slid back into her chair which was turned away from me for reasons I could only describe as god’s sweet mercy on me.

I, slowly, tiptoed as silent as I could back to where I’d been sitting, but still stood because I was afraid I’d have to make a run for it.

the energy in the room was terribly unsettling.

it was like I’d just watched two strangers end a decades-long relationship in a quiet, deserted waiting room, and half of the pair had walked away and now I was left alone with the other half.

I kept my gaze fixed on her.

it was soon that I noticed just how run-down she looked—just how….different she was.

she was slouched over the desk with her head in one gloved hand, and her fingers were on the brink of carding through her hair. I could feel the stress radiating off her, and for the first time, it was something real, something substantial—I could feel it. it was so, so different to how she’d acted with me when we’d first met. she’d been charming and witty and smooth, and had fit herself into me like a puzzle piece. but now…..there was a noticeable difference. no longer did she seem to exude good and exciting vibes, the kind you’d find within the thrumming thrall of a party, but instead, she was just……….there.

she looked tired, worn out. looked like she hadn’t slept in days and it’d only just caught up to her.

eventually, this nightmare would soon change into a different nightmare—a minute or so after the door shut, she spoke to me, keeping her back turned to me and her face pointedly hidden from view.

“do you know why you’re still here?”

her voice was…..oh, dear god, it was strained, like she was fighting back tears with the small amount of strength she had left. but I was sure I knew not to comfort her—the others had told me just how professional of a deceiver this woman was, and I’d observed it to be true.

I fumbled so hard for an answer that I simply didn’t give one in my panic—but that was alright, because like the perfect actress she was, she seemed prepared to monologue.

“it’s because you’re the only one here who’s acted even remotely like a human fucking being.”

oh?

….oh…..

…………….oh.

oh, god.

“honestly, I—” she began again, cut off by some unheard thing I assumed was a suppressed cry. she took in a deep, faintly shuddering, breath, and continued. “—don’t know why I let them near me. all they do is make me feel like a villain. and I—know that I am one, but…..” and here was when she tried to mask herself with social relatability— “...just because I am one doesn’t mean I have to feel like one, ahah……..”

she fell flat.

she fell flat, and I knew that was wrong, wrong because I’d seen her in action: becoming part of other people in beautiful, polychromatic splendor, matching energies and mirroring body language and altering pronunciations and changing names and smiles and shapes.

but now…..now, she was monochromatic: captured in gray light, a beautiful intellectual—broken but full. full, now, for the first time before my eyes, because everything else I’d seen as hollow and empty. after all—lies were only lies, weren’t they? there was no truth in them, no genuine emotion, no…...anything, really, in my experience.

I felt spurred to comfort her—not because of the daydream she’d probably have rathered to pretend to be, but instead because I saw a glimpse of the human being inside of her.

“y-you’re…...not a villain.”

a sad huff of amusement through her nose as her whole upper half jolted just slightly, “sweetheart, you don’t even know me. everything you’ve seen has been a lie. you know that.”

…..I didn’t know where to go from there.

she was right. she was absolutely right. I had no idea who this frustrated, sad being before me was—but now, I…..I wanted to know. wanted to know her interests, her hobbies, her favorite book, her favorite television show, what joke made her laugh the most, or if she even genuinely laughed at all.

“...........how do you do it?”

my voice was feeble, small, like that of a rabbit cowering behind a great lion.

“how do I do what?” she responded after a short pause, voice clicking even with the smooth ups and downs of her vocal pattern. she really was tired…..if only she’d look at me so I could be sure—

“d-deceive.. like you do. how do—how can you create something so lifelike out of-of thin air? y-you’re lying every minute I see you, and-and yet, I—I-I’m tricked every time. ho-how do you do it?”

it was poorly worded, poorly phrased—but she picked up on what I really meant by it.

I had no clue how she could always know so much.

she laughed, darkly and quietly, with such bitterness that I could taste it like an unripe blackberry in my mouth—and then she turned her face so I could see it, and that was the moment something real began.

her eyes were misty, and her cheeks were flushed, and there was a smile stuck on her face by sheer inevitability.

when she spoke, her words—it’s so difficult to describe, but they evaporated like honey in the dim lamplight.

“there’s a drop of truth in every lie.”

it was simple, yet packed full of meaning, and my mind reeled as I had another revelation.

she wasn’t just playing a part, was she….?

“when I’m with people, I see these voids in them—what they want out of people, what their perfect compliment would be, what they want out of me. I see a void, and I fill it—it’s an instinct that I’ve sharpened to be useful over time.”

oh……

��but of course, no performance is perfect. my execution is only flawless because, to me, it’s a game of survival, and the slightest hair out of place means game over.” her eyes were cast down then, apparently unable to hold my gaze. was she that exhausted? “it drains me. I can’t be around people for very long as I am, but having to act every moment of it just takes more away from me. I’m tired. but I’m a good masker—it’s what growing up in my particular circumstances caused me to have ingrained in me. seared into my flesh and bone and brain….. I must perform perfectly because this to me is the art of survival—yet even so, no performance is perfect. I am more than a good liar. a good liar will feel his performance and give it everything he’s got—but I can do so much more.”

oh.

“with just a brush of my fingertips, I can get a man to weep at my feet. with just the quirk of a brow, I can drive a woman mad. with just the right word, I can draw out a person’s deepest secrets and intrigues. I can control any variable you want me to. I can dominate a conversation, I can be invisible in a crowd, I can make someone resent me. the only thing I’ve grown too much to do is be immune. I can control any situation without saying a word. I can control myself and my body and my responses at the drop of a hat. the only thing I cannot control……...are my emotions.”

oh.

“the moment I leave the conversation, more of me dies and fizzles out into smoke. I...know I could have everything. I could rule the damn world if I wanted to, I’m sure of it. I could have people and friends and enemies and rivals……...but I don’t.”

…….there was a lull there, as she traced the edge of the desk with a finger and cast her forlorn gaze over the carpet.

I’d been so enraptured by the mental pictures she painted for me that I’d completely forgotten I was here with her.

like the stammering idiot I was, I made myself speak up.

“wh-why…..why don’t you? is-is it because you don’t…..uh…..w-want people i-in your life?”

I could’ve cursed at the way her next expression made me feel—a look of anguish flashed across her face, and god, it was more beautiful than any of the lies she’d been before.

“yes, but also no. I…..believe me, I want people—I think that much is obvious, in how entangled my emotions become with my victims, but…...but I—”

a sad smile.

I could feel reminiscence in her eyes.

“I’m not cut out for people.”

...huh?

“wh-what d’you mean?”

she looked up at me, and—and for the first time, I saw a spark of life in her eyes. it made me want to do foolish things, made me want to jump and scream and laugh and cry and—

“I ruin them. I’m the perfect weapon, sweetheart: I’m built to ruin and destroy and conquer. I can override my own body’s signals and ignore my emotions and run for hours on empty. but people….” her brows rose and she looked off to the side, as though impressed and annoyed at the same time. “......people can’t do that. people fall to their emotions and make irrational and poor decisions and struggle to keep it together no matter how rehearsed they are. they drop when they’re tired and their functioning derails. they are not like me. they are soft, and I am sharp and callous. they are warm, and I am cold and mean. they are sensitive and careful with themselves, whereas I fling myself into traumatic situations on the daily even when I am hurt.”

I couldn’t think.

all I could do was process—twenty minutes ago, I’d barely been certain of her status as a human being, and now, she was spilling over in front of me.

and then I realized that she was cracking. breaking. faltering.

no longer was she a carefully maintained shell—now, now she was……..on the verge of tears…..

“there is a shred of truth in every lie that I embody. and my truth is my insatiable desire to be not alone as I have been all my life.”

I stood there in shocked silence for a solid ten seconds.

insatiable……….?

“wh-why...insatiable?”

she looked me dead in the eye and suddenly I understood how the ocean’s tides felt about the moon.

“because I won’t let myself be satiated. nor will I ever let myself be soothed, nor will I ever let myself be comforted.”

my eyebrows pinched above the bridge of my nose.

“why?”

“because that is the most dangerous act of all.”

I was confused. how could it be dangerous to—?

“if my emotions make me want people so desperately to love me when I am simply performing for them…..then I shudder to think what would happen to me if I allowed myself to relax into someone. it’s the same reason no one’s allowed to touch me.”

………….ah. I’d…..I’d noticed that.

no matter how physical my friends were with each other and with me, none of them ever came too close to her, and she actively kept herself at a safe physical distance from most people we encountered. I only steered clear of her because, if I was to be honest, I’d been scared of her up until this point.

even now, she intimidated me—but I was slowly coming to grasp a portion of who she really was.

“but…...but, surely, that- can’t be healthy.” I attempted to argue, feeling a dark weight settle over me. I never liked it when people hurt themselves like that on purpose.

a small, resigned smile found its way onto her face. she hadn’t looked at me for some time now. it was odd to see someone with such a big presence refuse to make eye contact…

“it isn’t.”

my brain paused to compute that.

“then—why do you do it?”

“survival. people get close to me, I hurt them, and they hurt me back, and then they leave. it’s a cycle. I’m simply protecting myself, because I know that the moment I am shown true kindness, I will be floored and malleable in ways you cannot imagine. another reason I wear so many masks—even if I am touched or on the receiving end of kindness, it is still never really me. simply a vision of what they think I ought to be.”

“.......o-oh……..” softer than a whisper.

“I don’t need kindness. I don’t need comforted, and I don’t need people. and so long as I am acting, I am safe from whatever could be.”

now, in this moment, I was feeling stupid. but not stupid as in the unintelligent kind—stupid as in the daring kind.

I’d just made up my mind on a lot of things. I knew what I wanted to do, and I knew there was no stopping my own nurturing instincts, and I knew I was one of those people she’d described earlier that fell constantly to their emotions.

“well, you’re...you’re not acting right now, are you?”

I phrased it simply, casually—like it was any old question without intent hidden under it like the mud under the plank of oak wood outside my grandfather’s home.

she squinted her eyes at me, like she was meant to be wearing glasses but had forsaken them.

“I………..n-no. no, I’m—not.”

she sounded more shocked than I’d been during this entire conversation.

“then come here.” I instructed her gently, taking a few steps towards her as if to show her it would be a joint effort.

she was reluctant and slow in her movements, but smooth nonetheless. (CONT'D)

[thesoundofnat]

Friends

Poe/Finn, Zorii, Snap, Jessika, Leia, Rey

Summary: Poe’s friends help him in various ways.

A/N: I just wanna write about Poe and his friends okay.

Warnings: Minor spoilers for The Rise of Skywalker, mostly I just write about one character that’s in it, but I make my own conclussions about their relationship to Poe, so the character’s mere existence is the spoiler tbh.

Words: 2.5k

Poe hadn’t changed in the slightest during the years they’d been apart. Zorii had to roll her eyes, in that fond way she saved for him even though he could exasperate her to no end.

“Are you done?” she asked when his grumbling had died down.

He sighed, deflating. “Yes. For now.”

“Good. Now. You want to talk about why you’re acting like a child?”

“I’m just tired.”

“We all are. You used to be able to hide your emotions better, at least.”

“Never around you.”

“But it’s not just around me, is it?” She felt her face soften. Couldn’t help it. “I get being frustrated. Truly, I do. But Poe. You need to rein it in in front of the others.”

“They’re as frustrated as I am.”

“And that’s why you need to put on a brave face and give them hope. You’re their leader, aren’t you?”

He shrugged, neither confirming nor denying.

“I think there’s something else bothering you.”

“Like what?”

She tilted her head at him. “I haven’t figured that part out yet.”

He’d seen her friend, her companion, co worker, beard, wear too many expressions to count, and she’d once been able to identify each and every one of them. But this one was different. This one was layered. A vulnerability, shielded behind something like pain, which in turn was being shielded by a stoicness. And in front of them all was vulnerability, again, because he was allowing Zorii to see all this. And then, front and center, a desperation, which was disguised as grumpiness around others. She couldn’t interpret what all this mean when they mixed together. She couldn’t read him as a whole.

“What’s wrong, Poe?”

He hid his face in his hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

This was bad. This was hopelessness.

“You-” she started, taking a step closer and reaching for his hand before changing her mind. She slapped his back. He needed tough love. He needed the familiarity. “You need to have a good cry, some food and some sleep, okay?”

He peeked out at her, eyes dry, but barely. “You think that will help?”

“It always helps.” She ruffled his curls, grinning at his indignant whine. “You can cry on my shoulder if you want.”

He let out a laugh. “I’m good. You’d never let me live that down.”

“You bet your ass I wouldn’t.”

Poe crossed his arms, his smile melting off his face as quickly as it had arrived. “I just… I can’t help them all. I can’t lead them all.”

Zorii bumped into him. “You’re not alone.”

“People keep saying that, but I’ve never felt that less in my life.”

“Remember what I told you?”

He sighed, shoulders slumping. “That they make us think we’re alone to make us lose hope.”

“Don’t lose hope, Poe Dameron.”

His exhale was almost a laugh. “I’ll try.”

“Come on.” She pulled at his wrist, in the way that always made him grin back in the days because he found the action so childlike. “Let’s start with some food, okay?”

He was nodding. “Okay.” A beat and, “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

*

Snap was watching Poe. He wasn’t sure why. Something about his face, the way he held himself, had caught Snap by the throat and he couldn’t look away even if he wanted to. He looked exhausted, but not from a lack of sleep. More from a perpetually interrupted peace of mind. A restlessness about him.

Or something. Snap couldn’t say he was an expert on all things Poe Dameron.

“Hey, Poe,” he found himself saying, catching Poe’s attention before he could curse himself. What was he even gonna say? “Come here a sec.”

Poe did, a mild curiosity to his face. “What’s up?”

“I need your help.”

“With?”

With indeed. “I need someone to meditate with me.” What the fuck.

Poe raised an eyebrow. “You meditate?”

“No. But I wanna start, but I need a buddy or else I won’t do it.”

Poe looked around them. “Can’t you ask someone else?”

“I feel like you’ll need it the most, pal.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means we need some stress relief, Dameron.”

Poe started laughing, the sound unfamiliar to Snap, but oh so welcome. “You’re so full of shit,” he said, and Snap was laughing too.

“Got you to smile though, didn’t it?” he replied, realizing, belatedly, that this was all he needed to do. Tell a joke, be a little bizarre, and Poe was distracted. That was all Snap could do for him, but it seemed to be enough.

Poe rubbed at his neck, sheepish at being caught, but not denying his struggles. Not sharing, but also not pretending something wasn’t weighing him down. “It did. Thank you.”

Snap waved a hand at him. “Oh, stop. We’ll try yoga afterward to make us more flexible.”

*

Jessika nearly crashed into a building in her haste to fly the hell out of there, but Poe, that stupid brave bastard, stayed behind, his blaster going off in all directions in order to stall the Stormtroopers enough for his crew to flee. Practically leaving him behind.

She cursed. “Poe, come on.”

“Get out of here,” he called back into the comm, and she cursed again. “Jess, go!”

She did the opposite of that and turned her X-Wing back around, aiming straight at a group of Stormtroopers who were shooting in Poe’s direction. “Take this!” she cried, shooting them back and hitting one, two, injuring one, and making the rest turn to aim at her only for Poe to finish them off.

“That’s more like it!” she said. “Now come on.”

Poe jumped into his own X-Wing, thanking her over the noise of more Stormtroopers arriving. Not a match for them now though, and they fled, higher and quicker, and Jess was still cursing out of the need for relief.

“You’re an idiot,” she said later, much later, when they were fed and patched up and alive, alive, alive. “Next time, call for backup instead of thinking you can handle them all yourself.”

“Follow my orders next time, Pava.” But he didn’t sound angry. Just tired. “But thank you.”

She snorted, punching his arm. “For saving your ass? You’re welcome.”

He laughed and Jess finally felt herself relax.

*

Leia had an inkling she knew why Poe was sulking, but she sat down beside him anyway, feeling she could at least ask. Maybe he’d want to talk, even though that was highly unlikely. “How are you?”

He glanced at her, back straightening when their eyes met. “I’m well, General.”

“Poe, I’m asking as a friend.”

“Oh.” He slumped, if only a little. “I’m still well.”

“Something’s on your mind.”

“People keep saying that.”

“Well, I don’t know what they’re saying, but-” How to approach this? “I might be able to give more… experienced advice.”

“About leading? Oh, absolutely.”

Huh. More than one thing on his mind then.

“And other things,” she said, not prying, but opening the topic in case he wanted to share.

But she knew Poe. Poe was stubborn, shy about his emotions, nearly ashamed, and if she didn’t gently let him know she knew, he would never tell.

“Such as relationship advice. I did date Han Solo for years, you know.” A joke, but Poe flushed anyway.

“Right,” he said, eyes not on Leia anymore. “Well. I’ll let you know if I need some.”

“Poe.”

He licked his lips, the ghost of a laugh escaping. “I’m not good at this.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“Is it?”

“It’s hard balancing these things in the middle of a war, let alone in the middle of a crowded military-esque base.”

“I bet.”

“But it’s possible. Maybe even more crucial because of it.”

“How did you know?”

“About Finn?”

He shrugged. “About Finn.”

“You’re being quite obvious in the way you look at him. But don’t worry, people would have to observe you in order to properly tell.”

“You observe me?”

“I observe everything.”

“How did you and Han- I mean-”

“Make it work? We needed to, or we could risk dying without having ever even tried.”

Poe nodded. “That makes sense.”

“It’s stressful dealing with feelings during times like these,” she continued, giving Poe’s arm a squeeze. “But worth it. And needed.”

Poe huffed out a laugh. “I guess. I just… what if he-”

“Doesn’t feel the same?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you’ll have to settle on friendship, which isn’t settling at all.”

“What if I lose him?”

“You won’t, Poe. I promise.”

Leia could tell him about how she’d observed Finn too and seen a love for Poe that Poe hadn’t noticed yet, but she figured it wasn’t hers to tell. He’d figure it out, once he stopped being so terrified. She was sure of it.

*

Rey found the hallways both creepy and soothing during nighttime. Empty, echoey, perfectly dimmed in case she wanted to see a shadow and mistake it for a person. But when she saw Poe sitting by himself one night she wasn’t startled. It was almost as if she’d sensed him. Sensed an unrest outside of her own.

“Poe?”

He looked up, eyes wide and bloodshot. Exhaustion rolling off of him even from afar. “Rey. Hi.”

“Hey.” She hovered before him. “May I join you?”

He gestured to the floor. “Be my guest. Please.”

She sat, their backs against the wall. Their base temporary, but the most comfortable one they’d had in a while. A planet they would have to leave, eventually. “Why are you up?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” Not a challenge. Just an observation.

She felt herself smile. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Same here.”

“Nightmares?”

“No. Just-” He paused, humming. “Can’t settled down enough. Too much on my mind.”

“I see.”

“You?”

“Too restless to even try.”

He breathed out a laugh, the emptiness of the hallway amplifying it. “I can respect that.”

Rey turned to face him. “How long has this been going on for you?”

“Oh. Uh.” He shook his head, his smile small. Sad. “Too long probably.”

“Can I help you?”

“How would you help?”

“I can… I think the force might-” She shook her head. “I won’t mess with your head or anything, but… I think I can help you relax.”

“Really?”

“It won’t hurt to try. We need you to be alert, after all.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “I guess. I mean, sure, why not? I’d owe you my life if you fixed it.”

She heaved herself to her feet and held out a hand to help him. “Come on. Better do this around a bed.”

He accepted her hand, hope in his eyes. Hope she hoped she wouldn’t crush.

*

Finn wasn’t sure whether he should laugh or cry when Poe approached him and said he’d been hurt during their latest mission and not told anyone until now.

“You stubborn bastard,” he growled and Poe was laughing, that sweet sweet laughter enough to get Finn to smile despite himself. “Is it bad?”

“No, but- well, I think it might be infected?”

“Poe.”

“And I’m sure if I told anyone else they would scold me all the way to Jakku.”

Finn rolled his eyes. “Want me to clean it?”

“Yes, please.”

So there they were, in Finn’s room, door shut, with Poe’s shirt pulled up because the wound was on his side. Finn couldn’t say he didn’t want to push the shirt up even more, maybe pull it off entirely, make sure the rest of Poe’s torso was okay because that man had no self preservation. But he was tasked with sorting out the current predicament, and that was enough for now.

“Lean back,” he said, because Poe was slumping a bit and it was hard to see the proper damage.

“I tried to clean it myself, but…” he trailed off, sitting back against the wall as Finn looked at the wound.

“How did you even get this?” he asked, fingertips hovering over the infected skin. “This doesn’t look like a blaster wound, thank the stars.”

“I honestly think I bumped into something and didn’t even realize I was bleeding until much later.”

“Can’t take you anywhere.”

Poe’s laugh was cut off by him inhaling through gritted teeth when Finn started dabbing at the cut. “Shit.”

“Sorry. I should’ve warned you.”

“S’okay. Keep going.”

Finn cleaned the wound mostly in silence, apart from Poe’s occasional yelps or curses. Finn had his other hand on Poe’s abdomed, pulling the skin ever so slightly, head bowed low in order to see better. Ignoring that he was touching Poe. Entirely ignoring as he moved his hand over Poe’s lower belly.

He suddenly cried out, but there was a laugh in there that made Finn look up. “Poe?”

He looked sheepish, with his head tilted to the side and a smile still lingering on his lips. “Sorry. You just- you tickled me.”

Finn looked at his hand, and then back up at Poe. He couldn’t help his grin. “Huh. I’ll have to remember that.”

Poe laughed again, all timid and nervous. “Please don’t.”

Finn kept cleaning his wound. “Nope. Can’t hear you. Too overcome by the thought of a hysterically laughing Poe Dameron.”

“Oh, come on.” Poe used one hand to shove at him, and Finn, suddenly playful, shoved him back. “Hey! I’m a wounded man and this is how you treat me?”

“Serves you right. Now be still.”

Poe was grinning now as Finn kept patching him up, so much less tense, and Finn found the beauty of him unfair. Unfair to Finn, who had zero self control as it was. Could be as reckless as Poe and his stupid need to not seem weak.

But this he couldn’t do. Not without acknowledging it. Reckless and stupid and way overdue.

“All done,” he said, leaning back, but Poe didn’t pull down his shirt and Finn didn’t move away.

“Leia told me something the other day,” Poe said when neither of them spoke. “About needing to take a risk if you ever want to get the desired outcome. That you can’t just wait around and hope.”

“Leia is smart.”

“It was love advice, believe it or not.”

“Oh.” Finn’s heart was suddenly rioting. “Are you gonna listen to her?”

“When Leia Organa tells you something, you listen.” He leaned closer. “Everyone’s been helping me recently. Taking care of me. I figured it was time for me to try to help myself.”

“How will you do that?”

“Being honest’s probably a good start.”

“I see.”

“Finn.”

Finn couldn’t breathe.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.” The word a whisper, Finn’s heart a scream. “Please do.”

Poe did.