#which i have believed for so many years to be true

[sexually-attracted-to-pans]

My drama so far is so much more lame. I'm about halfway through my Freshman year so you have a timeline for this.

Theater: So this couple that's in sophomore year, broke up after three years together. They were cast together as the main couple in our play Puffs this year, and on the night of the second show they had an argument. Now I'm a tech person so I didn't see anything go down but apparently this happened again the next day, the day of our final show. And that night at the cast party, one of the other actors was flirting to the girl from this relationship while she flirt back and that's how everyone found out they broke up. About 90% sure they got together. But anyway the guy was devastated no one saw or heard from him for weeks, we were all getting really worried and then he just showed back up one day and hooked up with one of the senior guys(yes he's bi its high school theater none of us are straight), and we found out he was quitting theater the same day.

(Bonus: I wrote fanfiction about 2 unrelated characters from the play and it was shared around the entire cast before a senior friend of mine read it out load in dramatic reading for one of the actors who played one of the characters that I wrote about. The fanfiction I wrote about to sad gay Hogwarts kids and the life of one of them after the other dies in the battle of Hogwarts. traumatized him. I feel sorry for the man but we have talked and luckily he only holds the grudge against the friends that read it to him, who later wrote smut fanfic about the characters on Wattpad(mine was ao3)).

BEN(before I start this one I want to say I did date him for a month in middle school but I hate him for being a manipulative gaslighting bitch): SO started with small lies last year about being extremely good at a card game he played called Battle Spirits, none of us though anything of it as it was just him being cocky and pretending to be cool.

Then this year, supposedly has 9 grandparents die in the same 2 weeks, is still going to school and claims he cared but never brings it up unless we are talking about something he doesn't know about. Then claims his mom got pregnant with his what 5th sibling, a little girl. We know he doesn't have a mom that he's in contact with as he was adopted and his father is gay(my friends dad is friends with Ben's dad that's how we found out). Then less then 5 months after he made up lies about her whole pregnancy he claims his "little sister" dies of a non-existent heart disease. Still going to school and doesn't even bother pretending to act sad. Claims to win a world wide contest for the card game in Japan, we don't even have proof of him going to Japan over the summer.

We are getting tired and kick him out of the group. You want to know how he tried to convince us to let him back in? Claim he got a girl(from our school who we know) pregnant. Only took a month for him to try and gaslight the school into believing that abortion wasn't a medical procedure which you need parental consent for so that he could lie and say they never told their parents.

He also tried to claim he had the rarest blood type in the world when our school did a blood drive. He was referring to Rh-null also called Golden Blood. "Rh-null aka “Golden Blood” is the rarest blood type in the world with fewer than 50 (43 to be exact) known cases ever reported. While there are only eight main/common blood types, there are an additional 61 possible antigens in the Rh system, which means that the eight main blood types can be subdivided into millions of different blood types. Rh-null occurs when a person’s blood lacks all of the 61 possible antigens." (I am quoting this from an article about blood types: https://rarest.org/people/blood-types).

Yep this man has done so many other small things like claiming to have 1000s of dollars in custom made costumes while showing us ai photos of them, and thousands of dollars in cards for the card game(which might be the only true one as his dad owns a card and game shop).

Now that I wrote that whole thing maybe my life is much worse then I thought...

where do TV shows get this idea that high school is constant drama, nothing even fucking happened to me in high school

[accio-victuuri]

i already posted about hui-ge before but the lore behind this person and the fansite is coming up again. more recently, because something xz said in the wuhan loch roadshow is very close to the words they used for an edited photo of wyb. this site has been long closed and inactive and i guess it was for the better considering fans were being too all up in their business. and if it’s true that they are somehow an insider, then it’s best to stop at some point.

i found this post of some more explanations on why hui-ge is known in the fandom & why we think he is in the inner circle. 🫶🏼

1. The website was launched before the 2019 Thailand concert and declared that it was not profitable. Not authorized, a non-profit site. which is kinda weird for a fansite, cause they also don’t sell photobooks or other merch. which may be this person’s own decision — but some see this as a possible hint at why they are doing it. it was a secret way to share things to fans. and knowing how this fandom works, especially with lrlg and other fakes, it’s not far fetched. plus the boys are known to have side accounts.

2. The night before the Thailand meeting, all the fans who went to Thailand were waiting for two people at the airport, he was the only one who posted on Weibo that night saying "No need to wait until tomorrow, "See you", and they really arrived the next morning. 👀

3. The later activities are basically shot from the inside, and there are no pictures from similar perspectives on other fan sites — or even official ones.

P1: 2019 Nanjing Meetup Audience entrance front desk view.

P2: 2019 XZ Milan Fashion Week Inside View

P3: 2019 Starlight Awards front view from the audience. The back view is opposite to the audience view that night.

P4: 2019 New Year's Eve Rehearsal Perspective

P5: 2020 The Untamed 1st Anniversary, this video is basically from the crew. Shooting angle of view. Aerial photography by drone. Close-up of crew props.

P6: Weibo Night 2021 Backstage Perspective: Double Award Preview

P7: 2021 ADLAD Backstage View

So basically, these photos can only be taken by someone who is very close. Especially the backstage ones.

4. Multiple advance notices, including but not limited to event previews notice, the owner’s itinerary, and the owner’s Weibo.

P1: the first one who clearly announced that they will be at the Double 11 night show in 2019.

P2: 2020 Preview that XZ will not participate in any platform double Eleventh Party

P3: 2020 New Year's Eve Preview

this is the more interesting one tho that made cpfs really believe his credibility. First snow in Beijing in 2019 they posted p1 and 10 minutes after this Weibo post, XZ also posted a Weibo post about the first snow. on that day, WYB inexplicably posted a message of "Happy New Year" and deleted it immediately.

BONUS: i also remember him saying in a message to fans that the “clinic is open” days before OOL was announced. there was also a possible clue regarding the cat and shiba inu cake when he celebrated his bday on set of OOL that year.

5. After Weibo started to display IP addresses, only three Weibo posts were posted, and all the IP addresses are in Beijing, and then he retired.

The coincidences also don’t stop here, fans are also seeing some similarity in his captions with the boys’ recent music. especially XZ’s.

we will never know the identity of who this person is but we gotta admit that all the coincidences are too much. how many times does it have to happen for it to be real?

oh hui-ge, you are definitely missed! 🙏🏼

-END.

[genderqueerdykes]

Wow. Talk about having a shit experience. Why is people explicitly keep saying not to tag their aro or ace post as aroace.

Why why why am I not valid anymore? Can I really not be aro and ace anymore? Can I not open the tag and say "ahh aroace me is so related with this post" anymore? What is it??

It feels fucking shitty seeing community that barely get mention in big queer space like this. Gatekeeping their post and experience to the "right" identity only.

If you someone that do this please stop. I just want to see positive post about my aroace identity. Heck anything about Loveless Aplatonic Afamilial barely get talk about and they don't gatekeep their post from aroaces because what's the point?

this is a great ask, i really appreciate you taking the time to stop by & share your experience, anon. this is something i've noticed within the past few years and i've wanted to talk about it, so thank you for giving me a chance to do so

i've seen 2 excuses for this behavior and they're both terrible and only hurt other people and serve as a method to control strangers.

the first way people try to excuse this behavior is by saying "well I'M not aroace, therefore the post isn't for aroaces!!!!! it's ONLY for JUST aromantics or JUST asexuals not both!!!!!" i have gotten yelled at this before as well. like, profusely. over tags. i feel like people should NOT take a stranger's tags personally. even if they tagged it something you don't agree with or don't like... that's kinda not really your business. this particular behavior stems from people who neurotically check their reblogs/interactions, and it's not healthy.

if you find yourself scrutinizing every single interaction and reblog you get on this website, it might be a good idea to reduce the amount of time you spend on social media, because you quite literally cannot control what people do with a post once you post it. you're at the mercy of god at that point. like i cannot stress this enough: You CANNOT control what strangers do with a post once it's published. these are PUBLIC FORUMS. tumblr is not a private club where only the people you like interact with you. it's a public space. you gotta learn to cope with the fact that other people will interact with your posts in ways you don't like. i don't like it when rad fems interact with my posts, but i also can't stop them from doing so unless i already have them blocked, because they also have free will and a tumblr account.

the second excuse for this behavior i have seen is definitely the worse of the two. people will say that "aroaces get TOO much representation!" or things like "everyone ASSUMES you have to be aro if you're ace/ace if you're aro which isn't true and i take very personally which gives me an excuse to bully aroaces!!!!!!!!" like it legit comes from people thinking that somehow, aroaces are "over represented". the behavior stems from the OP feeling literally attacked by aroaces existing and feeling like they're somehow talking over aromantic people who experience sexual attraction, or like they're somehow talking over asexual people who experience romantic attraction.

people seem to have forgotten that aroace people are STILL ARO. THEY'RE STILL ACE. you can't sit here and go "well i'm mad that 'too many' people know about aroace people so i'm going to harrass aroace people like they're the ones making my life harder and not cisheternormative society." also it's disgusting because a lot of asexuals quite literally believe that aromanticism doesn't exist, and that the term came about to "rip off" asexuals. it's the "transandrophobia doesn't exist because it threatens trans women" argument but with aspectrum identities.

it legitimately causes you NO HARM if your post about just asexuality or just aromancitism is tagged as aroace. they are not saying YOU are aroace! they're tagging it that way for themselves, because they are aroace!!!!!!!!!!!! aroace people are aromantic! aroace people are asexual! stop with this weird gatekeeping and acting like posts tagged just aromantic or just asexual are for people who are ONLY aro or ONLY ace. this shit is hurting people. like i cannot get over the fact that aroace people are. aro. and. ace. and somehow people freak the ever loving fuck out about a mean nasty aroace making them feel bad for.... also being aromantic and asexual ?

like your experience matters. you don't deserve to be told that you can't interact with posts about aromanticism or asexuality because you're both of those things and somehow that's threatening aromantics and asexuals who aren't both. you are still aromantic. you are still asexual. you aren't hurting or threatening anyone. you deserve to be seen and heard, and you shouldn't have to specifically stick to JUST the "aroace" tag and nothing else. i DON'T understand this behavior.

honestly a lot of it smacks of arophobia on the behalf of asexuals and acephobia on the behalf of aromantics. it blows. it's not cool or cute or funny it's hurting people.

this attitude sucks. as the anon said, please stop this. it's unnecessary and petty infighting for no reason. aroace people are not a threat to other aromantic and asexual people. stop treating other people like shit for no reason other than you are insecure and angry about it. nobody is saying YOU are aroace if they tag your post about aromanticism or asexuality with "aroace". they're doing it for themselves. knock it off.

[battlefrankies]

one piece is so fucking good at communication. oda's always aware of how information moves around the world, how it can be misinterpreted, deliberately twisted, censored. there aren't that many series where the interplay of fact + the telephone game of its dissemination is depicted so organically beyond a one time use as plot.

the marines rewarding smoker for defeating crocodile is deliberate propaganda, and the WG's decision to hide the mass breakout at impel down to obscure a massive governmental failure. the news that sabo killed cobra was as much gov't lies as interpretation by the third-party news org and that misinterpretation was actively used by the revolutionaries. we're told that the whitebeard pirates instigated the payback war through public channels but find out from marco that blackbeard invaded first and they were acting defensively.

there are underground information channels where information is bought and sold in WCI, the same arc where we learn that katakuri takes such pains to conceal his meriendas from his siblings who believe him to be perfect, the same arc where we learn that brulee knew all along. not everyone has the same information and the information that's spread isn't always true, nor is it always false.

and then you have god valley, lulusia and ohara straight up wiped off the maps and their existence & histories erased. you need an immense amount of power to do that, which we understand the WG to have. wano that's isolationist and thus cut off from information passing in AND out of it. roger's final words which too many people heard, the WG couldn't have hidden that or stopped the great age of pirates even if they'd tried. televising the death of whitebeard and ace to demoralize pirates and put the age to an end, then whitebeard's announcement that the one piece is real which only spurred it on harder. there are too many other examples to list

ig ultimately it's not surprising that one piece puts such emphasis on the transfer of knowledge & information considering the mystery at the foundation of the series, but it's refreshing to see it in a piece of media and to see so many levels of it, to see different characters with different kinds of access to it. it's a constant, ongoing theme that's touched on from all different angles at all levels of the world from the personal to the global.

part of oda's mastery of character is just this constant awareness of Who Knows What and how that will affect their interactions with each other. nami's secret that wasn't a secret at all, usopp's final lie to his village, the chefs at baratie trying to drive sanji away so he can follow his dreams... yet misunderstandings because of bad communication are rare, and when a fight does happen because of stubbornness and pride getting in the way, it's not a funky plot driver but a hurtful, friendship-ending blowout.

i don't dislike miscommunication in fiction, but the way it's done is almost always... bad? i don't want to see adults with the emotional maturity of 12 year olds fighting over middle school level beef, if I'm not seeing the careful interplay of differential access to information & character personalities causing realistic and understandable breaks in communication, what's the point!!

[corporationsarepeople]

On what to do now

(Shared by Ben Lowe on Bluesky)

A dear friend of mine asked me:

"Ben ... serious question: What the fuck do we do? We ordinary citizens without access to any real levers of power."

I wrote him a lengthy reply which he said he found helpful, so I thought I'd share it.

"Hey friend, it's indeed a dark time. This is fascism which relies on people being frozen with fear, and thinking they are powerless, and thinking they are alone.

One thing I’ve been trying to remind people is there is very little you can do, but that does not mean there is nothing you can do.

The Talmud says that when a wedding procession and a funeral procession come to an intersection at the same time, the funeral must yield to the wedding.

Because above all, we who are alive should celebrate life and being alive, and that we are still here in the world.

So the very first thing you can do is make sure people around you aren’t overwhelmed, that they can breathe, that they have sources of strength, that you find and recognize and allow moments of joy.

The second part is to refuse to be powerless. Look around your community. See the people and institutions that fascism threatens, and take steps to protect them. On a day to day basis, one of the most important ways of defending against what is coming are also some of the most mundane.

Yes, go to rallies and yes make calls and be visible and take actions of direct resistance. That all matters.

But between those moments, if public transit and libraries go unfunded, coordinate to give people rides and volunteer or loan your books. Tutor or pick up trash or perform public music.

Weave the world you refuse to allow to be taken away from you.

And prepare yourself now to help people who will be singled out by malice or neglect. Think about what you can do for them. And meditate on what you will commit to and how much danger you are willing to put yourself in. Will you hide people in your home? Will you stand in front of police?

Will you still speak up if we’re told we’re not allowed to?

These are impossible questions, of course. But we should all ask yourselves in earnest, now, what the person we hope each of us is would do in those situations, and make commitments before those moments come.

Finally, do not allow those around you to believe any of us is alone. Community saves lives. Connection brings hope.

As someone who has spent many years singing with others, I've seen the combination of tone in harmony is only part of the beauty; so much of it is the feeling of shared creation, of being a part of a whole that, once joined, cannot be meaningfully separated into its constituent parts.

Help those who begin to despair understand they are not alone, that you love them and that their existence matters. And do everything you can to prevent the growth of hatred and dehumanization in those around you.

It is so easy to give in to hate, to stop trying to understand the other. Even as resistance may mean bearing witness to true darkness, we cannot stop seeing the humanity in those around us.

This will be hard, but we aren't going to build a better world after this until we're able to do so.

And there will be better things after this. It is on us to lay that groundwork, even now.

And while it's completely unclear today what that will take, the one certainty is that it will require not just hope but faith in humanity to bring that world about.

Faith in other people is an act of defiance, and they can't make you stop if you refuse to.

Sending you love and hope and stubbornness from Brooklyn."

(And I'm sending that to all of you, too.)

Benjamin Lowe

benjaminlowe.bsky.social

[mins-fins]

˖ ࣪ .  the happiest day

❝ for on its wing was dark alloy, and as it fluttered-fell, an essence-powerful to destroy, a soul that knew it well. ❞ ─ edgar allan poe , 1827

warnings swearing, explicit language, implied sexual content, infidelity (sorta), unhealthy relationships, mentions of drug use, drinking, fighting, and one mention of child abuse. word count 7.3k.

JENO ABOUT FAINTS.

“i will have you know that you have the right to remain silent” detective qian crosses his arms above his chest, a spine-chilling, egregious figure intimidatingly prominent before him. it should instill its own feat of comfort, being met with somebody whose main course is to bring justice, gather evidence and solve the crime.

jeno feels all frightened, however, it’s the law, and you were..

“i’m sorry, it’s just a bit—“

“feel free to take your breaks” the crack of a few knuckles, jeno flinches, it’s cold, sweat endures across his perversely brisk skin, the perspiration clearly not giving him the best possible appearance. he already spent a good few hours sobbing his eyes out, sclera’s red beyond repair.

jeno braces himself, there isn’t going to be a hard hit, not a punch, nothing of innate violence, it’s just.. this.

“i wanna help any way i can”.

“of course, i’ll have you know that you are not under investigation for murder, this is basic interrogation protocol we do to everybody”.

“okay”.

jeno is unaware of why he whispers, afraid of something.

“what was your relationship with the victim?”

jeno pauses, the was is particularly perturbing in this instance, a term which jumps out and broadens the true occurrences of this situation. it dawns on him strangely, almost steadily, most would say several hours have already passed, but jeno barely perceives such a time gap until it suddenly consumes his reality overwhelmingly.

you were alive. then you were dead. now he’s here.

“we were friends, very close friends, i.. uh— i had a crush on him”.

it’s a bit embarrassing, juvenile, cheeks all pink in that inherently boyish constraint. jeno is often commended for his honesty, but for the longest time he could never really admit it to anybody, not even you yourself. yet everybody was aware, batted their knowing eyes and curt grins, those are simply the certain things you expect from people when you exhibit such damning behavior.

detective qian’s eyes practically glow at the given information, as if he had just struck gold, jeno barely even stated much..

well he supposes it is much, to him and the now warming blood in his heart.

“had?”

jeno is unsure what extent of the past tense he is even referring to, ‘had’ could encapsulate many things, your death, or the fact that he supposedly got over you.

he decides the second option is the most suitable.

“it was a childhood thing really, i grew out of it over time”.

terrific save jeno.

“huh” he doesn’t believe jeno, the discrete cock of his eyebrow is a bright, loud indication. “was that an unrequited crush?”

well jeno didn’t exactly expect that, it would be terrible for him if it had been, a true spurring detail that could easily brand him as suspect number one, a murder of outrage, jeno is sure that’s probably the easiest notice one could grab.

“well i don’t.. he never said, actually? we didn’t date ever we just— but i guess we kind of did have a relationship..”

you never named it anything, perhaps you simply enjoyed muddling things for him, jeno was enamored, you apparently had that all figured out at every singular glance.

“y/n didn’t like labels” he blurts, a bit outmoded, you would presumably be the slightest irritated at such a soundless giving of details, you’d glare, decorating the surface with the sheer docility your eyes hold. jeno always loved your eyes, they’ve been very intriguing for the several years you two had known each other. “and he wanted someone else anyway, didn’t even have to say it”.

jeno tries so hard, yet the explicit disdain pervades throughout his speech, his very own reply resulting in a slight agonizing squint. he too earns a squint, from the detective, much of an information dump, a scornful expression merely hidden with a sweet smile. “huh, well he seems a bit complicated”.

the chuckle jeno produces is comically dry, the true amusement impeding this situation could not be any farther away. “i didn’t hold it against him”.

“right, so what about the others then?”

“hm?”

“perhaps a disgruntled ex, a crazy one night stand, you have any names for me?”

well of course, he was so pissed when i came around, it would only make sense that he—

“no” jeno swallows, shaking his head. “yeah y/n has a couple terrible exes but they weren’t invited to the party, and if they did somehow show up he would’ve had someone kick them out anyway”.

jeno didn’t tell a whole lie, it was merely partial, a statement not all littered with fallacies. there’s an intolerable stir in his stomach when he even muses on throwing one of them under the bus, he’s sure they are all aware in their own right, every single one of them was there, present, but he feels much too..

he does the speculative squint, the narrowing of his eyes signaling suspicion over a claim that appears much too feasible in jeno’s own eyes,

but perhaps he doesn’t have much of an investigative mind.

“and when y/n passed?”

“i was.. god mark and hyuck were going at each other and jaemin was laughing instead of helping, chenle was cheering and i was trying to calm them down cause y/n would’ve never forgiven them if they got into a fist fight at his party” jeno slightly snickers at the recollection of you, of course you would be worrying over the state of your party rather than mark and donghyuck getting into a fist fight, you already had your bets set on mark winning anyway. “jisung was getting overwhelmed so he went upstairs and—“

“ah” but then the detective’s eyes widen, it is all for a simple reason really. “do you happen to recall where huang renjun was?”

jeno blanks. he.. doesn’t. that’s a bit strange.

he peers for a second too little, as if the moment will appear before his eyes in the manner of some movie flashback. he sees it all; mark and donghyuck screaming at the highest capacity their lungs could offer, jaemin watching with eyes encapsulated by his pure entertainment, chenle giggling, jisung practically on the verge of tears watching, jeno forcing himself in between the two quarreling.

huh. renjun wasn’t there.

he presumes his memory must be off.

“i don’t remember him being there now that i think about it..” jeno’s head is pivoting much too rapidly, growing dizzy despite the lack of clear movement. “i mean he did seem a little angry all night, his answers were snappy but i didn’t think much of it? sometimes he gets overwhelmed easily, besides renjun couldn’t—“

jeno stops himself.

what is he thinking? renjun is capable of a lot more than people expect, innocence never his forte.

“well i’m just curious, you’re much more honest than your little friend”.

now jeno is wondering how donghyuck must’ve relayed it.

but that contains little of true scrutiny, he wasn’t entirely honest either.

~

jeno had his final conversation with you not even an hour before you had been discovered.

11:16, he remembers, by that point in time his head had begun pounding, repetitive melodies drowning into the ear ringing background which he took in as his own. jungwoo had swayed his whole and dumped a shortened story about your clash with donghyuck because of course you two argued, jeno failed to completely hear it all.

“i think i might die”.

always the ever so spectacular, you slapped a hand over your forehead, a tentative habit made to supposedly aid with headaches. you mused to jeno that whenever your father had done it back in your turbulently ‘pain-stricken’ childhood all of the agony erased straight away, he is beginning to wonder how many of those moments could even be clarified in truth. your dad has irked him in every moment, as a child, even too in adulthood.

you were strange, in a frankly striking way which has always interested him.

“don’t do that, does it really even help?”

“you won’t know until you try it”.

jeno had tried it, having almost burst into tears once when he was going through one of the worst fevers life could offer.

it didn’t do shit, but at least you were there to cushion the pain and listen in on the endless rambling paired with sobbing that took place. you let him cry into your shoulder for hours before he was finally ready to take a nap, overwhelmed by it all.

“kinda looks like you’re just hurting yourself”.

“it’s a bit ironic”.

jeno does not recollect the moments in time that led to you two holding hands, but it began much rapidly and never had a sure explanation in his mind. “why’d you two fight again?”

you crinkled your nose at his tone, as if feigning annoyance. “there wasn’t even a reason, we just fight to fight really, sometimes i think it’s embedded in us or some shit”.

jeno has to admit, he giggled at that one.

“seriously, i’m so.. i don’t know, it’s always a thing with us, we argue and we just act like it’s normal”.

“well it sort of is for you two isn’t it?”

you squeezed his hand discreetly, almost glaring, though your eyes reserved that beauty they had in every gaze, jeno may have been just the slightest smitten. “i do love hyuck, you know, i get on his nerves and he gets on mine but it’s all in the name of sport or whatever, debating.. he doesn’t hate me”.

right, donghyuck had been careless with his words but when is he not? it could simply be the effects of knowing someone so closely for that long, but jeno was always aware he’s been a softie, never the toughest type, just stubborn.

“that’s a way to say it”.

“he was drunk”.

it was a minuscule moment where jeno heard you be unsure of yourself, that is much too atypical, he simply perceived everything as planned out in your very mind. “what the fuck am i even saying right? i need to lie down, vomit everything”.

you waved a shy hand as if surrendering, finally allowing your fingers to slip from jeno’s, he about complained, yet he stopped himself.

you rubbed your temples, one, two, three times, then your arms dropped where they had remained prior to the turbulent hand holding. “yeah, think i just miss my bed”.

“you alright?”

“of course i am, just got too drunk” jeno never assumed such a statement would ever escape your mouth, he always assumed your go to would be do now think later.

he realized then, and carries now, that such a prospect could not have been further from every other thing true to your nature.

of course he had to discern such a thing too late.

“do you want me to go with..?”

“no no it’s fine i’m not gonna sleep” you seemed as though you could slip at any moment, eyes having already begun to flutter, yet you pursued on. “a few minutes, i’ll come back downstairs, i’m sure you guys can entertain yourselves without me”.

a few minutes. a. few. minutes.

jeno blinked, a tight breath kept in his throat, he wanted to grab your hand, maybe follow behind you like a lost puppy for the rest of the party.

he should’ve.

“i’ll be fine, don’t worry about me”.

but jeno did, in every waking moment he had that sneaking voice alerting him that he should brood on the singular things you say. sometimes he wishes his mind didn’t expand in such a manner, there is only so much sure worrying you could do over so many words.

“you sure you won’t fall asleep?”

“yes, i have a sure point” you leaned in, a kiss on his cheek, your signature. “love you”.

“love you too”.

then jeno observed you rush upstairs, yearning to follow you, fingers hesitantly pinching at one another. he should have followed you.

he did not, alone time is alone time and you certainly did need it after hours spent downstairs practically driving yourself to insanity.

he supposes much more faith should be put in his own judgement.

JENO PRESUMES HIS MEMORY JUST ACTS AGAINST HIS WILL in most important moments, when he attempts to have a sane conversation with somebody or is simply trying to study, perhaps take an innocent shower. no. his mind dizzies with flurries images he feigns ignorance too, aptly spacing out midway through very pertinent minutes of life he shouldn’t be taking for granted. his pride shatters at each recollection, it’s humiliating, future mind readers possibly having a laugh at the dreadful nature reeling in his head.

jeno remembers the day you two slept together for the first time almost perfectly.

it happens to be that way due to the gravity that night holds, amusingly enough.

just blinks before his eyes every now and then, startling him at even the most mundane of moments, he’s beginning to believe he’s been rendered abnormal.

he almost too often harks back on it all, you pressing him into the doorframe, hands steady on his hips, then they began roaming, curving nails carving marks into its seams and hasty hands meandering to virtually rip his shirt from his chest. tripping over your very feet as you journeyed to his bedroom, disorderly, tangled, done through frankly idiotic giggles and extensive lip biting.

jeno recalls assuming such all to be a dream when it had happened, it’s the person he’d been essentially in love with for a time he barely comprehends displaying his innate desire point blank.

well it couldn’t have been any more crystalline.

jeno still presumed it was a dream whilst you two lied together, the flat of your palm resting atop his encased heart, the quickening beats per minute would have easily been observed, even soundly. you gazed up at the insipid ceiling, jeno’s vision continued blurring for some odd reason.

“how long were you planning on doing that?”

jeno glanced in your direction, immediately entranced by the just how simply you could behold such looks. the whole universe could be portrayed by the hue of your eyes alone, it’s fascinating, jeno could stare in them for hours.

your awareness appeared brightly, displayed in the manner you flicked him in the forehead, drawing a yelp. “you alive in there?”

“let a guy breathe dammit”.

“was it all you ever wished for?”

jeno always regarded himself as exceptionally hopeful, a true man of his word, all bright despite the disdain the world so tried to push atop him.

his eyebrows furrowed, they were never all detailed, jeno assumed the highest point possible would be imminent rejection, his virtue had torturously beaten such a thing into his head until he figuratively bled out on the floor with the blurring image of you beholding his gaze.

but you were there in his bed, jeno got the memo way too late.

it didn’t matter then, though.

“not exactly, more of dreamed”.

“wow, you weren’t wishing on a shooting star every night awaiting this very moment?”

jeno allowed a snort, what mattered was your delivery, not much pertaining to the true amusement the joke could hold in another setting. he just thought you were funny, explicitly funny, bounded to extensive sarcasm and self serving quips.

“you’re so full of yourself”.

your stare from that day was one jeno struggled to decode, jeno can visualize it all, your rings, a barrage of gold and silver that somehow fit together, your eyes, a massive spiral akin to photos captured of the milky way, the initial quirks of your smile which he couldn’t help but shy away from.

that hadn’t been the end of your night, though.

and jeno also had an inherent intrigue in something else his eyes could not even be forcefully pried away from.

he just couldn’t decipher why such a sight angered him as much as he recalls.

“you know what? we should go out”.

“go out? it’s almost midnight”.

but you’d already rolled out of your very comfortable spot in his bed, leaning over onto the floor where you began collecting the strewn variety in which your clothes littered around. it was all so simple to you, nothing of the innate embarrassment jeno could not his showcasing of.

you clicked your tongue, nose scrunched at the wrinkled nature your shirt posed. “it needs to be romantic, okay? can't believe i haven’t taken you out yet”.

“you don’t have to..”

you glanced again, almost amused before whistling. “what kind of person would i be? dinner is only a sure”.

“dinner? at this time?”

you tutted, willfully ignoring such a question as you stared down the articles of clothing, momentarily, jeno observed regret in your eyes, but then you smiled, as if nothing had happened at all, little lapse in your judgment. “you haven’t eaten dinner today, right? okay, i’m gonna go home and change into something more fitting, you wait for a phone call from me”.

jeno digested such said information gradually, as if somebody’s life was on the line or you could even really bide your time in that particular situation. you allowed the silence to hang, not one distinct blink that jeno can recall glimpsing, just.. staring.

occasionally, even without fault, you displayed a coy eeriness.

then the smile appeared once again, vibrant, way too pretty. “i’m taking you out on a date, stupid, wear something nice”.

it was all puerile, the way jeno grew flustered at the rustic words, his smile so faint-hearted, so cute. being treated is sweet, dates are absolutely to die for, if you hadn’t been there he would have little choice but to giggle to his heart’s content.

he may have been much too smitten by then.

FALLING OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH FOR A GOOD THREE AND A HALF months should be the most impractical of tasks to successfully accomplish, but you have never enjoyed taking no for an answer. jeno could mark several days leading up to that discrete moment that he assumed it was a farce, the dramatics of it all have always been your favorite, however, speculation drives you, countless people with your name on their tongue akin to adrenaline, a fix, the sort of drug you don’t just get from guys in shady alleyways, you have to do big to earn the attention you want, your sights had already been set.

it may have been one of your worst addictions, yet everybody handed such a fix to you on a silver platter. it extended from strangers to even those who were extensively close, donghyuck and chenle simply couldn’t resist, they presumed that you not being around meant that you would never figure out the tales they spewed.

but the words falling into your hands was inevitable.

well someone did know where you had disappeared off to in that time, jeno was aware because he kept most quiet during lunch story times, only ever observing idly, biting his tongue in order for the truth to not aptly slip from his lips. donghyuck and chenle spouted their ridiculous stories while jisung scrunched his nose because he liked to believe you were all perfect, the edges which rid your personality were nothing to the golden shade he admired you.

not even jeno was that naive.

“if it really was an overdose than his parents probably would’ve bled our ears to death with the news”.

“what makes you think they didn’t just cover it all up so their little gala would be spotless?”

“he didn’t even go!”

“well that proves my point genius!”

he thinks they were much too into it.

jaemin rolled his eyes at the remarks and went back to cooing at the stupid photos of his cats he adored so much, he always attempted the mysterious approach, jeno knew he had little of that in his true personality, he was simply peculiar in his own sense.

renjun sneered, the claims entertaining though increasingly tedious to hear of every single day. jisung kept the sugarcoating to an all time high, of course he did because how else would he cope? jeno loves jisung, but he could just never understand the leaps his mind had to take in order to paint you in such a bright light.

he remembers what you said a good month before your.. ‘break’ (if it could even be called that).

“what makes you think i can’t just disappear? pull a houdini and walk into a box to never come out?”

jeno gazed, your dazzling flair displayed in the manner you motioned your hands, like you really were about to pull a houdini and escape from handcuffs. you have wanted to be many things, an author, a magician, perhaps an actor, anything that would piss off your father extensively, witness such a turning frown sprout on his face when you became something he detested.

you adored his bubbling anger.

“well for starters, your parents would never support such a thing”.

“they don’t have to, they don’t know the half of it”.

jeno supposes you did have several secrets, but how much could your parents not know? sometimes he thinks they have cameras behind their eyes, especially your father, he can’t even begin to envision your relation, it’s all looks, your father’s got nothing of a picturesque personality.

you, however, had all of it.

“how dishonest can you be with your parents before they catch on?”

your smile from that specific moment perturbs jeno, strangely, there’s a possible horror there he lingers on for a sheer moment, then it all muddles itself into nothing. he stared at you, attempting to gauge out something from the shadow which cascaded over your intent.

“you’d be surprised”.

“but you’re so..”

jeno did not collect his words in time, instead remaining silently gobsmacked despite his clear desire to say something. the hefty terms sat atop his tongue, you didn’t long for the answer, rushing on over to the widely expanded kitchen where you began rummaging through cabinets.

“i’m so? don’t you go silent on me now”.

“so bright, yeah that’s the word.. it’d be a little useless knowing everybody would suspect something sinister”.

your eyes glistened with an ingrained want, a glowing need jeno didn’t need extensive academic credentials to understand. “well i want the attention, for one”.

of course, jeno was too busy observing other things to grasp that one.

the locket had been there for a while, jeno didn’t get you that. totally platonic friends can gift their fellow friends gifts such as that, but the heart and pristine golden engravings purportedly glared in his direction, as if mocking. messing around with others was a given, jeno should’ve known somebody else could capture your attention in such a fashion, get you a gift which practically screamed i’m better than you in his face.

every time he glanced, a confining curl of unwritten envy stabbed at his stomach, the gleam at the corner of his eye always alerting him that ‘exclusive’ was not a word in your vocabulary.

he tried to ignore it.

“seriously?”

you hummed, all cute, then holding up a vintage porcelain plate, the ridges a gold akin to your locket branded in a stylish circle. your nails did nothing against the ridges, it’s likeness reminded jeno of several old paintings, the same kind which adorned the walls of your parents home. “do you wanna know what’s special about this plate, jeno?”

jeno snorted, your smile remained, your surveying eyes fixed on the material which could only produce a giggle. jeno has had bright knowledge of your various laughs, you have certain ones you love to simply sprout. your giggles are important because he’s aware they’re genuine, your laughter is always transfixed on something, someone.

for the certain person, your laughter echoes distinctly.

only one of those laughs was ever as vibrant, though,

and it wasn’t for jeno.

“enlighten me”.

“this plate is a family showpiece, it carries a stupid amount of worth, the shit goes for five thousand at best, dad had it and his daddy had it and his daddy had it and so on and so forth, mother treats it as more of a child than me”.

“is this a story?”

“it’s pertinent” you very gently placed the valuable piece onto the counter, delicately, too out of fashion for somebody in your caliber. “if my parents care about this little plate so much, whose to say they’ll even notice i’m gone?”

“a plate is your ticket to disappearing?”

“it’s an idea”.

the apparent idea was an evident success, just how was the strange outcome.

when the two week mark passed, jeno realized you really did pull it off, disappearing without anybody.. including your parents, realizing where you had gone.

scratching behind his ear, he adjoined the conversation. “wouldn’t he be at the lake house then?”

donghyuck scoffed, squeezing his cheeks into an astounding vice grip; jeno didn’t recall him ever being particularly strong, but the shit hurt. “that’s the most obvious of places, it’s why we already verified he isn’t there!”

“maybe he left the country, went on an abrupt vacation”.

“by himself?”

“what is he, twelve? y/n can handle his own shit”.

“is this all you guys are gonna talk about? i’d rather hear mark impersonate a weatherman” renjun’s complaining was on par with how the whole situation stood out.

it wasn’t expressly urgent, not because you carried little importance, but because he knew you. you’d show up and create a spectacle for the love of everything dramatic, that’s just how you were.

jeno guesses he should’ve seen it coming.

YOU ALWAYS DID ENJOY A GOOD MYSTERY, AND LUCKILY YOU HAD BEEN BORN INTO a life which offered you several millions, enough for a fully crowded library in at least one of your parents assorted properties, an innate privilege most can dream of. it’s entertainment at its finest, you would always muse. someone dies, there’s a cast of quirky characters, maybe they’re trapped on a train, an island, snowed in at some tiny cabin in the middle of nowhere, it’s fun when there’s a stake.

there always is one with you.

when you were younger, you wanted to be an author, your mother went to college in hopes of someday getting out a book of her own. jeno only bears such facts in his mind due to your unabashed declaring of them to him whenever you decide you want to spend a good moment up in the clouds.

i found one of moms old drafts once, i thought it was genius, the best writing ever, i kept going back for seconds, all greedy and shit, you know? she wanted to write, but she ended up stuck with dad, stuck doing nothing important, left dreaming about the life she could’ve had if she kept punching at barriers. she made me think i could be an author too, then dad found out i said such a thing, of course he did cause he’d never let me live in peace, made sure i wouldn’t ever think of putting pen to paper, broke my right wrist, said if i cried he’d ‘make me wish i were dead’.

a typical person who understood what they truly experienced wouldn’t brush it off with a mere hand and some terse chuckles, as if it were funny, humorous, amusing, not extensively concerning because your parents should not be breaking your bones for something so small.

cannabis is where the true honesty lies.

that’s terrifying, something along those lines jeno had muttered, his reminiscing can be shifty, blurred.

but he does recall you laughing at it all, your ‘childhood memories’ holding nothing of the vibrance they should, especially for somebody in your situation.

“well at least i have money” and the books continued stacking, as if you were to climb them like a leader. jeno read the fine print embroidered over the covers as best he could, eyes opting to squint instead in order for the terms to appear somewhat readable. head up in the clouds, he snorted at nothing, merely your stack of several books, the stupid stack which practically towered over you, a staggering six feet.. or he thinks, jeno must’ve been too high, numbers appearing as whatever they pleased. “all because my daddy made an investment when he was eighteen, the wonders of the world!”

you had that knack, rambling, droning on and on about shit jeno could only stare idly at. occasionally his brain erased terms of importance, streaming words blurring into an extensive ear ringing pattern. he listened in various moments, wavering in and out of seeming consciousness.

you loved to talk, jeno always enjoyed listening.

giggles are endless when the weed settles, and jeno will admit that they were so fucking cute, it wasn’t just the expanded affection coloring his brain, anybody could admit you produced adorable noises. “well someday it may all just go”.

“when that happens i may just have to go with it”.

jeno recalls choking on nothing, the words slightly brightening despite the effect drugs clearly have on auditory nerves.. mostly. “is that a threat?”

“it’s a promise! anyway, let me tell you all there is about crooked house!”

it was a threat, not in the typical way threats are fashioned, and you could dish out some good ultimatums when you desired, it’s why jisung always jumped at the sight of your strangely crafted smile. jeno had no true fear of you, not whilst you lived anyway, you were simply.. well a bit freakish, not in accordance with someone like jaemin, jeno couldn’t exactly interpret the many lines which dealt themselves across your skin, all that determination instead focused on other aspects.

kissing was nice, giggling over weed as you two acted like everything was real and the illusion held up in some manner jeno almost wishes could crowd his facade. it was no secret that exclusivity made you feel all terribly, your stomach curling with that stupid heat which rendered one bed sick all day. you truly enjoyed the whole acting approach, it is not as if you were some emotionless bastard, far from it in fact, you just mused that life was too short for relationships to keep you bound indefinitely.

jeno simply got wrapped up in what you described as “all tumultuous”, enthralled by the picture of you, various perks he had been hooked upon ever since he realized that you do not have feelings like that for your regular platonic best friend when your in high school and he’s branded as whorish.

and every single time he glanced at the locket, he would hope to retch it all up, he couldn’t fathom such a gift simply tightening itself around his point of respiration. his gaze trained on it in every particular moment of importance, carvings taunting him.

“we should make cookies” you lept from your spot instantly, almost tripping straight into a shelf, about putting a wood shaped hole in your head. “we need to make oatmeal chocolate chip this time”.

“can you even walk?”

“i don’t need my legs to make cookies” and then you stumbled over, hands bracing his own as you wrestled when pulling him upward, jeno doing his own purposeful hard work in order to bruise your attempt a few, just to play with you. “hey, i’m not playing around here��.

“but it’s so fun”.

jeno really assumed the locket was nothing,

it was too much.

“you won’t get any, then”.

“but i have to do all the work!”

it was an unfortunate night of messes, the cookies turned out good, you knocked out in a matter of minutes, snuggled against his side with occasional shivers alerting him that you had not just silently passed in your sleep, the rise and fall of your chest keeping the warmth around him elevated.

jeno supposes you may have been closer to other people, but a fucking locket doesn’t mean anything, not in comparison to baking cookies while exchanging kisses in a kitchen, snickering over inside jokes nobody else would ever recognize though you were both high out of your minds, disoriented beyond relief.

or maybe that is just what most people think when they get caught up in a situation they don’t have control over, with the huge glaring issue of not knowing how much you understand the person you’re infatuated by.

a lot of it keeps pounding into his head, continuous, a good add on to regrets his conscious delivers.

“HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP THIS UP?” BECAUSE DONGHYUCK ALWAYS TOOK THE blunt approach when it came to whatever the fuck you two had going on, a sore subject that he had his clear suspicions about but uttered on a small-scale. crushes are their own feat of normalcy, yet donghyuck was aware you weren’t the most regular of people, so was jeno and chenle and mark and jaemin and renjun, maybe jisung kept the wool over his eyes, but that’s jisung, jeno perceived that as a simple rite of passage, he was mostly akin to your shadow more than anything.

“ugh, what now?”

“why so annoyed, jeno? it’s not like you to suddenly be so inattentive with these things”.

“it’s cause his feelings are too big”.

“fuck you”.

“ouch! my heart!” donghyuck opted for a performance bit, a hand placed atop his heart, his figure falling backward onto various cushions, presumably feigning death, abject despair from words jeno usually didn’t speak, even when they were irritating him with their consistent kissy noises and pairing eyebrow raises. “how rude jeno, you killed him!”

“he deserved it”.

when donghyuck rose again, he swooped his head upward and fixed his hair, not even a strand meeting fingertips. then his arms propped up over the advanced table and he narrowed his eyes, the extensive attention on jeno. “seriously, it’s a good maybe two weeks before y/n decides he wants to hop on another one”.

“that’s a little ironic coming from you—“

“this is about y/n, not me, you can’t talk about morals to me”.

“yeah but i can talk about hypocrisy”.

“do you even know what that means? you ever open a dictionary, chenle? or did you have a nanny do it for you? little bitch..”

“oh no jeno is y/n’s little bitch”.

jeno scrunched his nose, the language nothing of a bother yet having met his senses in various rushing fashions, that may have just been the wine, donghyuck and his stupid wine collection which always pinched at his throat unbearably. how he even drank that stuff is beyond jeno’s comprehension.

he was about to say something, perhaps a week argument in his favor, but renjun of all people beat him to it.

“that’s much more up jisung’s alley”.

“hey! don’t get on jisung’s case, he’s a baby”.

“a tall eighteen year old baby, why don’t i get his treatment?”

“you’re a literal monster, at least jisung has redeeming qualities”.

“i have many redeeming qualities! i’m chivalrous!”

jeno is sure chenle could not spout the definition of that word even at gunpoint, all crossed arms and large mouthed when it mattered, because being right in comparison to donghyuck was all that mattered.

“renjun called jisung a bitch, i think he should get booted from the group” jaemin aimed his glass in the former’s direction, shaking his head, his attachment is all obvious, not much of a glare yet enough for jeno to have unraveled a mere animosity. jaemin can be uncanny, yes, but jaemin doesn’t typically hate. “and hyuck called y/n a slut”.

“i didn’t say that!”

“it was implied”.

“implied my ass it’s nothing no one else hasn’t said before, mark didn’t even show up!”

jeno squinted, that was strange, even with his stance on things, the whole thing was a tradition most of them took with true pride, drinking in a circle accompanied by your friends who aren’t exactly friends in the general sense of the word is something most people cannot resist, jisung only avoided such a custom because he didn’t want to drink underage, a rule follower from birth. mark not showing up was weird but jeno guessed he had more important things to do which did not include a group of them shaming you before him.

it was the first of those meetings which did not include you, peculiarly enough because you and hyuck pretty much started the whole thing, a bit ironic considering all you two did was argue when the terrible wine finally settled.

everyone enjoyed watching.

“mark is probably sick of your shit”.

“and y/n’s also literally missing! for all we know he’s dead in mexico or something..”

“you don’t seem that concerned, it won’t be long until you see him in hell”.

“anyway” donghyuck waved his hand renjun’s way, ignoring him with the smile that always sprouted when he was drunk. “jeno, i’m just looking out for you, y/n’s like a shark, you know? he’ll drain you of all your life and then leave you all dry when there are bigger fish around”.

“could you get that cushion for me?”

“smother him!”

chenle glanced donghyuck’s way. “i can’t say i didn’t see it coming”.

donghyuck again fainted over the couch, his heart having stopped at such rough words from those who were meant to be his coveted friends till death or whatever. maybe mark should have been there, he’s the only one jeno has recollection of being to calm them down, you were always the catalyst for blow ups, it caused something of a terrific spike in your heart, all smiles as you watched everybody grow more agitated.

“think you’re the last person on earth who should complain about someone sleeping around, hyuckie”.

“don’t call me that”.

“no seriously, you wanna be all big and bad, what if y/n was here, huh? you’re no better than jisung, don’t even have the guts to say it to his face”.

jeno’s eyes passed over the two arguing, there was no contest, jaemin would beat donghyuck to a pulp, all for him having a big mouth, at least you could put up a good fight, donghyuck wished. “what’s wrong with telling the truth?”

“y/n would kick your ass”.

“well he isn’t here to kick my ass, maybe you could do it for him, hm? if jeno won’t do the pleasure”.

jeno clicked his tongue, it was too late by then, one in the morning, rounding the corner halfway to two, he decided it was the perfect time to exit. if donghyuck ended up getting punched by jaemin like he so dearly wished then chenle would send him the video, maybe renjun would giggle or something, jeno couldn’t even say he was entirely against it, most of the debacle was hilarious.

“if you do get into it i don’t wanna be here for that”.

“but what if you need to hold hyuckie back when he throws a punch?”

“i said don’t call me that”.

“well what are you gonna do about it?”

“ladies please!”

jeno hummed, offering his best eye smile despite the overwhelming situation. “i’m sure y/n will send a postcard or something, you two do all the damage you desire”.

“wait why are you leaving me with them?” renjun whined. “take me with you please!”

“good night, renjun”.

he’s sure renjun cursed him to hell that night, and maybe he deserved it, not entirely.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK SOMEBODY WOULD GAIN FROM MURDERING Y/N?” JENO HAS NEVER THOUGHT detectives could truly have that horrific look in their eyes, all of it beholding a degree of barbarity he typically never witnesses in men, but he guesses he has only gazed upon men who had no true terrible intent, jeno realizes he would never recognize if he were looking the murderer in the face that night, and that’s masquerading well in a crowd. he blinks, he doesn’t have to think for that one.

“satisfaction” he drawls. “it probably would’ve been momentary, maybe they didn’t want to kill him but—“ then he gets a look, jeno knows that look because every time jaemin says something that doesn’t really make sense he can’t help but gaze that way. “i mean, i don’t even know what i’m saying, i’m sorry i haven’t slept at all”.

“usually people are more honest when they’re exhausted” jeno supposes his inhale is too loud in the room’s expanse, because the detective does that smile thing which freaks him out, eyes rid of their typical color, as if they’re pitch black. “and honesty is the key in an investigation”.

jeno bites the inside of his cheek, he begins scratching at the junction his wrist shares to his hand. “think, i’m sure you all have interesting answers”.

“well throwing our lives to shit for one” jeno winces, the continuous scratching made for good pain. “of course y/n wasn’t the greatest but he also wasn’t the spawn of satan, he wouldn’t invite people who despised him to his birthday party”.

“so what gives you the impression that one of you didn’t do it?”

jeno almost flinches, he barely keeps it all together, hands kept clasped together like he’s on life support, glued shut, he can’t pull them apart. he blinks, two separate blinks as if he’s some idiot who cannot comprehend big words. “like.. the seven of us?”

“if people who hated him weren’t there then they possibly couldn’t have done it, right? you know people are most likely to be murdered by someone they know well in comparison to some one off enemy”.

jeno’s eye twitches, donghyuck probably knew that, heck you probably knew yourself, courtesy of the many detective stories you two can’t help but have littering across your shelves. “well i don’t.. i just can’t see one of them doing it, i know that probably isn’t a good answer but i can’t imagine fucking— renjun grabbing a knife and stabbing y/n like seven times”.

his eyes again light up, he gets too excited over things he shouldn’t, but he guesses being a detective entails that, excitement for words which don’t come out completely right, eyes all glowy like some over obsessed teenager. “well maybe that’s just an indication that you don’t know your friends as well as you may think, time means nothing when you all have secrets”.

jeno remains silent, a bad sign.

“you know what was missing when y/n died?” his fingers poke at a certain file, his eyes do not stray off jeno, however, his lips do that side hook upward, all cocky, a sham. “no i really want you to take a guess”.

“i have nothing in mind”.

the detective decides to drop a crystal clear picture of the crime scene before him, jeno instinctively moves back in his seat, but there is also another photo there, a photo of your college id.

the fucking locket.

jeno is sure he’s paled, as if he’s seen a ghost.

the detective whistles, drawing a figurative circle around your neck, pointed in a very specific direction. “you wouldn’t happen to know who got him this locket, do you?”

well jeno guesses this is a good time to be honest.

“no, i’m sure one of them knows, but it’s not me”.

“ah, maybe you should swear an oath on that, then”.

jeno isn’t sure he can swear on anything, not on his parents, nor on god or the law or anything credible, he didn’t do anything, he’s sure none of them did either but how is he supposed to trust them?

he knows them, he knows enough.

of course jeno’s a coward, not jisung cowardly but he presumes he could make a good stance on that point. there are too many other issues for him to be worrying about stupid things like lockets or if you actually loved or not or—

when jeno leaves that interrogation room, he craves to just bash his head in on the nearest wall, images of the locket flashing in his brain like some stupid movie.

he’s sure he has a migraine creeping up on him.

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[itsmeyaspider]

You are mine~

Yandere Risotto Nero x female reader x Yandere Diavolo/Doppio

Trigger warning: yandere, stalking, possessiveness, obsessive, forced kissing, drugs mentioned, cursing, blood and gore discribtion, Yandere Risotto and Diavolo are their own trigger warning

Notes: I'm back and I finally rewatched Jojo again! I can't believe how long it took me to write something for my all-time favorite Jojo characters !!! I hope you enjoy the story :D

Also a huge shoutout to my Italian friend who translated me some words<3333

It's a pleasant night in Napels, the moonlight shines in the dark alleyways and the only thing you can hear are the soft footsteps of the lost souls who are still outside. Most normal people wouldn't even think of going out at this time of night, the crimes in Italy are increasing day by day and even in the daytime you aren't safe anymore.

But none of that bothers a beautiful (h/c) haired woman, why should it? After all, she is a Capa in the well known mafia group Passione. Many people respect her, something she values very highly. Still, she doesn't like walking around Napels at this late hour, but we'll, she didn't really have a choice, the boss, who is the head of the organization, has ordered her too see him as soon as possible. This suprised her a lot, as she didn't know what he really looks like until today. She had contact with him by phone from time to time, but never ever face to face. So what the hell did he want from her?!

The woman who bears the name (Y/n), continues to walk in the direction that was directed to her. The boss is really overprotective when it comes to his identity, but she already understood that as she joined the mafia. (Y/n) changes sides of the street as she slowly and careful enters a dark alley. With a small, annoyed sigh she looks at the piece of paper with all the coordinates on it. Did she really get lost?! This can't be true...

She bites her underlip as she is about to turn back, maybe the house is in another allway. As she starts to walk again, she suddenly hears a strange noise behind her. What the hell? It's probably just a stray cat taking food out of one of the garbage cans. God, I'm so jumpy. But as she is about to leave, she is suddenly grabbed by something- no, someone. A strong, powerful grip pulls her back into this godforsaken alley.

Just as she was about to say something, she looks into ice cold, demon like black-red eyes. Her (e/c) colored eyes widen in shock, as she immediately knows which man stands before her. Risotto fucking Nero, the leader of La Squarda Esecuzioni. What is he doing here? Did he watch her?!

"What the hell are you doing here?! Let go of me, I need to-" but before the woman could continue, the stand user interrups her. "(Y/n).." His voice sounds rough, almost beastly. His gaze rests on her, like a brid trying to catch a worm and she almost notices a malicious, sadistic glint in it. "You shouldn't be here, bambola. There are a lot of dangerous people around at this time of night."

A sudden, involuntary shiver comes over her, something is strange, the way he looks at her, but above all..those words - those damn words scare her. "I-I can defend myself, no one is stupid enough to attack me." she says in an almost stuttering voice. "I don't see any of that."

The Capo's grip tightened as he pulls her closer to his muscular body. His other hand rests on her cheek as he suddenly grabs her chin and continues to force her to look into his possessive eyes. A gentle breeze blew through the alley, and everything about her wanted to run away, damn even her Stand couldn't help her right now. Not against him. "Mia. You are mine (Y/n). Do you understand that? Mine and mine alone. Since the day you joined the mafia, when you were a little fish in the water, I've watched you. And now after all these years I've been waiting for you..."

The black dressed man comes closer and closer, so close that she can feel his breath on her neck. Her (b/t) shaped body stiffens, as she is overcome by goosebumps. Surely, Risotto couldn't be serious...Is he crazy or perhaps on fucking drugs?! "Risottto, p-please let me go-." Suddenly she feels ice cold, rough lips pressing against hers, the woman tries to free herself, but the man doesn't even think about it. He puts his two hands on her hips, forcing her to hold still.

---

Meanwhile, a relatively short, pink haired man observes the whole situation. He hides behind a house wall as he glances at the woman from time to time. Anger erupts in him, how dare Risotto touch (Y/n)~chan like that?! He grinds his teeth as he suddenly hears an all too familiar sound. "Turuturu...turuturu" The man in the pink sweater looks abruptly around to see where the noise might be coming from. The boss is probably just as angry as he is- or even worse! He walks further into the the alley as he sees a banana peel lying on the ground, he picks it up as he holds it against his ear. "Boss?" He asks, only to be answered by an angry voice.

"Doppio, my sweet Doppio, make sure this filthy traitor keeps his finger off my principessa. Kill him for me."

The man called Doppio nods at his boss's words as he throws the banana peel on the ground. His light brown eyes darken as they twitch weirdly back and forth. After a little while, Doppio regains his composure as he slowly walks to the other alley where his beloved (Y/n) is being mistreated by a traitor. "You will pay for this Risotto. How dare you lay a hand on my (Y/n)!" His voice is no longer so cheerful and bright as usually, no this time it is filled with pure hatred.

The leader of the La Squadra Esecuzioni team immediately breaks away from the dominant kiss, as he licks his lips, he places the woman protectively behind him. "And who are you?!" (Y/n) no longer understands anything, first she was kissed by another Capo without her consent and now there is another man she didn't even know! What the actually fuck. The woman takes a few steps back, realizing the seriousness of the entire situation she is in. She crashes into a wall as she looks around, maybe she could find an escape route or anything to get away from this men's!!!

Doppio's eyes start to twitch again, but this time it's much worse than before, he holds his hands against his head, as he watches on the ground. His body appears slightly more muscular and much larger than before, a raspy, vicious voice can be heard. "I'm the one who will kill you. Do you think you can get away with this, Risotto? First you betray my organization and than you dare to steal my wife." The far too intensive green eyes shine with anger, how is this even possible? He clearly had brown eyes before!!!

Risotto crosses his arms as a small smile graces his lips. "So the boss is finally showing himself huh? I must have really hurt you then. But still, (Y/n) is mine, I will kill you and take over the organization myself."

The woman continues to search for a way out, unable to ignore their conversations. First it turns out that this pink Bimbo is the fucking boss himself and now he is also obsessed with her??? What the hell has she done in her whole life to end up there? Slowly she remembers the she only started out as a small drug dealer, she wanted to save some money for college. But now that she thinks about it, she has rises to the level of a Capa really quickly. Most of the people take years to climb the ladder in Passione, especially when you want to be a Capo. But she only achieve it in a few months.

'Shit! I'm an idiot!' She bites her lower lip, as she lets out a small sigh. She needs to risk everything now, the situation won't get better and she really don't want to stay any longer. The two men's are visible busy with each other and so she sneaks along the wall as inconspicuously as possible. Maybe, just maybe she will make it to the street and then her Stand could help her to escape, then she would he safe, or at least she thinks so. But before she could make another small step, she feels a sharp, unpleasant pain in her heel. A razor blade rips out of her now bleeding heel as she falls on the ground, she lets out a scream. The pain doesn't stop, it burns like hell, the red liquid slowly flows onto the stony ground.

"Where do you think you going bambola? Did I allow you to leave?" The voice of the black dressed man pulls her immediately out of her thoughts. Her now almost watery (e/c) colored eyes are filled with fear. The woman wants to say something, to tell them both to stop treating her like a piece of meat, but something inside her stops her from doing so. Is it the fear of being hurted again? Deep down she knows thar she don't stand a chance against any of them but still, she can't just do nothing! (Y/n) looks down at the ground as she really tries to get up, but before she finally manages to stand on both feet's again, she notices more blood running onto the floor then before. Suddenly she feels a strong hand on her shoulder and as she tries to look back at the two Stand Users, she realizes that the pink haired one is missing.

"(Y/n) you're not going anywhere, you will come with me." Her body immediately flinches, the dominant voice makes it clear that she has no other chance. Diavolo grabs one of her loose strands of (h/c) colored hair, as she starts to play with them. "I will kill Risotto now in front of your cute eyes and then I will take you with me. You will learn not to have such fooling thoughts ever again, otherwise I will make sure that you can never walk again."

Tears run down her cheeks as her hope slowly but surely fades away. This is madness, no matter which of these two psychopaths would win, she would get treated like an animal. She suddenly falls onto her knees as she inwardly prays for both of them to die! This couldn't be ture, this simply couldn't be. It has to be a fucked up dream, otherwise she will slowly break and will never be free again. 'I should never started selling fucking drugs.'

---------------

Here is a small drawing I did for this fanfiction! It's only Yandere Doppio but I really hope you like it<3

[vasilissadragomir]

i am mentally disabled. it is not ableist of me to look for myself in fictional characters, nor is it ableist to find parallels in how i am treated by my loved ones and the world at large. i should not have to disclose my disability to get a pass to talk about the possibility of characters being disabled without getting called ableist.

however, i am going to take the opportunity to clarify my intent with this post. i’m not saying that such a demeaning attitude would be justified or acceptable. i’m also not saying sid’s actions in and of themselves suggest anything about his mental abilities. i AM saying that the actions of those AROUND sid say a lot about sid himself. my post is drawing parallels between what we know of how panem treats mental disability and what we’ve seen of sid and haymitch’s relationship. it’s notable how a child with some sort of intellectual disability would be treated in panem. that’s especially true in a book which is explicitly about optics.

first, we have textual evidence of the attitude of district 12 toward mentally disabled people. namely, the way katniss describes greasy sae’s granddaughter, and the way the people of the hob “treat her as a sort of pet.” we also have evidence of how the capitol treats mentally disabled people, in that peacekeepers executed a boy in 11 for taking home a pair of night glasses. whatever understanding the people of the districts have about disability is extremely limited. whatever attitude the capitol has toward the disabled is cruel. the word “simple” was in quotes because katniss regularly uses the term “simpleminded” to describe people with mental disabilities.

as i said in the original post, sid is behaving like a young child because he is a young child. what is notable is how HAYMITCH reacts to sid. from these two small excerpts, we can already identify a sharp contrast between how haymitch thinks and how he acts. internally, he’s frustrated and worried about the reaping. externally, he’s messing around with sid and tossing him on the bed. like with prim, that doesn’t mean anything in and of itself. but when paired with the line about having to explain reaping day to sid, i think it says a lot about sid himself that haymitch and their mother are willing to tolerate insolence about the capitol on reaping day. and that’s what being joyous on reaping day is. insolence.

second, i fundamentally believe that a 10 year old would understand the reaping and the games. we have tons of textual evidence that the brutality of the games is shoved down their throats from a young age. it’s talked about on tv year-round. katniss consistently references games she remembers from when she was younger than her dad’s passing, which happened when she was 11. she goes so far in catching fire as to describe finnick’s games with details, for which she was 7 at most. she notes that she doesn’t remember as much about the games in the years succeeding his death, suggesting she does remember the ones preceding it.

vick, gale’s brother, is also 10. in catching fire, he tells katniss that gale is out hunting. if the hawthornes can trust vick with the knowledge that gale is out committing a capitol offense, and vick is old enough to discern that katniss is a safe person to entrust with that knowledge, 10 year old vick definitely knows what the reaping is. at the very least, he knows enough to be quiet and compliant in front of peacekeepers. further, on parcel day, vick chooses to forego medicine to ensure his siblings had something sweet, too. if he’s old enough to understand scarcity, he’s old enough to comprehend why the scarcity exists.

not to mention, irl, when my brother was 10, he was assigned the first book to read for school. he couldn’t sleep for a week after watching the movies. we had many conversations about panem and its real-world parallels. teachers would not assign the books to 10 year olds if there was nothing to gain from teaching them.

even if you don’t buy that a 10 year old would understand the reaping, haymitch says “i wonder if it’ll be me or ma who sits him down beforehand and explains about his role…” the “beforehand” reads to me as though this is a conversation that’s going to happen right before sid’s first reaping. we know for a fact from prim that 12 year olds don’t discover for the first time that they’re entering the pool the day of their first reaping.

most importantly, they are literally required to attend the reaping before they’re in the pool. they’ve seen it happen for over a decade before they actually participate. the distinction between former reapings and sid’s first year of eligibility is that, like all the other kids his age, for the first time, he won’t be with his mother. he’ll be on his own, responsible for his own actions, with no one to protect him or explain if he misbehaves. it’d be one thing for him not to know where to stand. it’s another thing entirely for haymitch to make a point of mentioning that they’d need to teach sid to be quiet and look nice. unless there’s some reason we don’t know that will make sid’s first year of eligibility his first year attending the reaping (maybe he was on death’s door the first ten years of his life, idk), i truly can’t think of another good reason that sid would not already know how to act at the reaping.

y’all i really think sid abernathy is intellectually and/or developmentally disabled. idk if this is a common belief or not, but after the audio excerpt i’m more convinced than ever. here’s why:

1. sid’s dialogue and behavior

“you said be your rooster. you said you wanted to get to the woods at daylight.”

“haymitch!” wails sid. “the sun’s coming up!”

sid’s language and cadence suggest a young child. which makes sense; he’s 10, which is a young child. so it’s consistent that haymitch would tell sid to be his “rooster,” which is, of course, a callback to “tuck your tail in, little duck.” however, while katniss’ pet name for prim is humorous and light-hearted, her intention in using it is to make prim feel better facing the imminent reaping.

sid’s joy on reaping day, especially the reaping day of the second quarter quell, suggests sid is at best aware but unconcerned about the day’s proceedings, but realistically, that he doesn’t know or understand whatsoever what will occur. as far as he’s concerned, the most important event of the day is haymitch’s birthday.

granted, sid is 10, and prim, at 12, is reaping age. but there’s no way he can avoid the truth about the games or reaping day at school. and haymitch “resistance is not an option” abernathy would not indulge such wanton disregard for the dangers of the day. acting like the reaping isn’t happening is insolence in and of itself. unless, of course, sid’s behavior is not disregard, but true ignorance. and the only way he’d be ignorant of the reaping is if he is, at least in the eyes of haymitch and his mother, incapable of understanding it.

2. sid needing an explanation about the reaping

“i wonder whether it'll be me or ma who sits him down beforehand and explains about his role in the reaping, how he had to look nice and keep his mouth shut and not cause any trouble. even if the unthinkable happens and his name gets drawn, he's got to suck it up, put on the bravest face he can muster and climb onto that stage, because resistance is not an option.”

as implied by sid’s happy attitude in the excerpt, and now confirmed by the audio clip, sid will need to have the reaping explained to him when he turns 12. but in his worry about sid’s first reaping, haymitch is concerned with telling sid step-by-step what to do. and it’s not just about where to stand or the proceedings themselves. he will have to explain to sid that he needs to be quiet and docile.

no kid in district 12 would need it explained to them how to act on reaping day by age 12. that is, unless the normal district 12 peacekeepers would otherwise know that the kid means no harm in stepping out of line. on reaping day, with peacekeeper reinforcements and cameras, the same lenience would not apply. an intellectual disability would explain not only that, but why haymitch and their mother intend to keep sid in his happy ignorance as long as they can.

3. sid’s death within two weeks of haymitch’s defiance

the most common question about snow’s punishment of haymitch is why he didn’t have sid or lenore dove reaped. on lenore dove, it would be too obvious to reap haymitch’s girl just a year or two after haymitch’s games. that’s especially true if haymitch’s insolence is so egregious as to warrant a punishment as severe as the death of all his loved ones. after a year or two lenore dove would be aged out. to create some plausible deniability for the capitol citizens, the only realistic option for snow to reap would be sid.

with sid, he would have nine years to choose exactly the right moment to punish haymitch in this way. if sid is anything like prim, he’d be beloved in the capitol during haymitch’s games, largely for his youth and innocence. but katniss herself considers prim to be reaped. that’s a particularly strong possibility once prim was older, and thus less angelic and harmless in the eyes of the capitol. even still, rue is evidence that age is not reason enough for the capitol to grow sour at the idea of any tribute’s reaping.

so why wouldn’t snow wait it out for sid? i’m sure we’ll get plenty of reasons in the book, but the best explanation is that it would create blowback for snow if sid was reaped, regardless of his age or how beloved he is in the capitol. the most realistic scenario why that would be true is if sid is too naive and “simple” to be a threat, even as an older teen in a strong, adult-like body.

that’s not to say the capitol is “above” reaping a disabled child (see: the boy from 10 in the 75th and wovey in the 10th). but a beloved younger brother of a quarter quell victor who is ALSO developmentally disabled? the optics would be terrible for snow. that’s especially true if the capitol’s attitude toward people with mental disabilities is anything as patronizing as that of the people of district 12 (see: the people at the hob treating greasy sae’s granddaughter like a pet out of ignorance rather than malice).

4. it’s great device to explain the games to the audience without too much info-dumping

we’re going to spend much of the games in haymitch’s head. even in the midst of a battle royale, that can get boring really fast. that issue was avoided in tbosas by snow’s narration, since the boring bits of lucy’s gray’s time in the games were easily supplemented by snow’s life in the capitol.

with katniss, the quiet parts of the games were broken up with flashbacks. the flashbacks served double duty of keeping things interesting AND creating character development/worldbuilding. we saw katniss’ father’s death, her interaction with peeta, her friendship with gale, and her life at home with her mother and prim. her father’s death explained her character, the bread incident her feelings about peeta, her friendship with gale her worldview, and prim/her mother the inter-12 seam/town tensions as well as katniss’ motivations.

unlike with katniss, though, we know a lot about who haymitch is and what happened to him. we don’t need as much basic worldbuilding (and i doubt he’d have much more information than katniss does at this point, anyway), so the only things left are his family and district 12. for haymitch’s family, which is 100% seam in a way katniss’ is not, we’re going to need a new lens through which to view 12. it can’t *just* be typical single-mother seam life; we got most of that through katniss and gale. haymitch’s story has to provide a new angle.

i think that additional layer *has* to be sid. haymitch, unlike katniss, was himself reaped—what is motivating his survival? what makes him different than all the others in the seam, who are reaped to an inevitable death? a clear explanation could be that sid is incapable of surviving if haymitch dies. even with their mother working, everyone has to contribute. and if haymitch doesn’t have a gale, sid’s protection is even less guaranteed.

sure, haymitch might just have the same maternal instinct katniss has for prim, but that’s one of the key distinctions between them in the trilogy. haymitch loves peeta and katniss like they’re his own, and yet he lies to and betrays them in a way that katniss considers unconscionable. and, imo, if it’s as simple as haymitch wanting to protect sid’s innocence like katniss wants to protect prim’s, the similarities between them become less parallels and more replicas. what’s the point of sid’s death if katniss and haymitch are so similar that the loss of their siblings conveys the same message?

[immortalsins]

i'm aware how lucky i am to have never been short of food (in my parent's house) and always been taken relatively good care of so the fact this is a new experience to me means it's one of privilege. but my dad hasn't bought food in days and he just showed up at my door to ask if i had alcohol requests from the shop in the village ?? hello if you're buying alcohol i'd like to request something to eat

[sammygender]

not indirecting anyone but i keep seeing the take that sam has power over dean because dean is so attached to and dependent on him. like it’s everywhere. and its just soooo fundamentally flawed. that is not how anything works. not to sound like a broken record but that type of dynamic (where one partner, the aggressor, views themselves as in fact controlled/dictated by the whims of the other) is actually very standard in an abusive relationship…

whether or not sam has ‘power’ over dean in this way is functionally irrelevant because his ‘power’ extends to his ability to somehow, what, psychically manipulate dean into doing what he wants?? whereas dean’s ‘power’ over sam is making sure sam adheres to exactly what he’s decided sam should do and punishing him if he doesnt do that, and deciding he has ultimate control over sam’s own decisions about his life (see main plot events of s4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, so on and so forth…).

[ismyteadoneyet]

How fortunate am I to have so many Things to love and be excited about, to appreciate and look forward to?

Things I feel so strongly about that they stumble into my mind, univited, at random times of the day? Things that spill into my speech and vocabulary without me noticing? Things that impact my vision to the point where everywhere I look, everywhere I go, I see ghosts of them?

How lucky am I to have so many Things I love and cherish enough for them to reshape my very person, change my beliefs and make me grow? Things that make my own loved ones see the Things out in the wild, and go out of their way to make sure I see them too?

How wonderful is it that I have Things that I love so much that the very act is deemed and dubbed "not normal", making my love for them seem like it's more than they are supposed to recieve? An out-of-the-ordinary and above-the-norm appreciation for the Things that make the people around me shake their heads, call me "silly".

My dear, beloved Things, may I always stay silly for you ❤️

[swallowtail-ageha]

*video by a self proclaimed historian archeology with mary on a cross dramatic beat in the background fake crying hand on mouth in instagram reels* here is a funeral epigraphy of this young roman lady who got murdered by her husband! People especially men were such beasts right then and haven't changed much! *shows epigraphy where parents of murdered girl both father and mother denounce their daughter's murder as something abominable and either way Very Much Not Uncaring of the girls fate*

[interpolationz]

my brother just explicitly said to me that he doesn't believe children should be allowed to see queer people and i want to put my fucking head through the wall

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I hate when I get into these phases when once I process through one thing causing me anxiety there's another thing right behind it

[smile-files]

this might be a hot take... but if you care about disavowing media made by bad people out of fear of looking like a bad person yourself more than you care about actually doing good things... you might have your priorities (and your morals) screwed up a bit :/

(see my tags for more of my thoughts on this topic! please try to avoid making make bad-faith assumptions about what i mean!)

[the-physicality]

i do think, aside from mercury bias, if bg had been in all season she would have been all wnba, first or at least second. i think people undervalue her because of the rebounding but she is 1000% the worst officiated player in the league, on both sides of the court. so the fact that she's been able to have the performance that she had is incredible, and that she didn't get the acknowledgment really just underscores how much people take what she does for granted.