#which i can say because I am older than them
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PEACH YOUR BABY DADDY!SUKUNA.....
He distanced himself bc he's not a good guy, he's got a shit job, can barely pay child support but he does what he can. And he always looks after your daughter when you're busy, takes every moment to be with her that he can, even tho he knows that you're the more capable parent. You were always too good for him, and he was your bad boy fling, your mistake.
"I think you love momma more." His daughter told him, bless her unfiltered thoughts. She was probably right. Somehow, after all this time, he still found you completely stunning. He felt guilty for the way he treated you, seeing you persevere and thrive as you've gotten older. If anything, you got more beautiful with each passing day, and he couldn't be happier that his child was being raised by you, even if that meant he had to be out of the picture.
"maybe I do." He chuckled, a tinge of regret to his words. He remembered the ways he hurt you, the look on your face when he made you cry. His selfishness. It was always his selfishness that got in the way. "But I'm not good at it."
// brutally soft // III.
baby daddy!sukuna x reader
tags: non curse au; tension; reader and sukuna are co-parents; girl dad sukuna; mentions troubled past with sukuna; alludes to significant size different; mentions drug use and drinking; mentions cheating; sukuna being soft; unrequited love; angsty | | read this for more context & this & this
note: (I am so sorry this took me so long to respond to) but!! you don't get to leave something like this and not expect me to sweetly return the favor by meddling with your feelings the way you did mine. because holy shit, nyx, just hearing sukuna say "I'm not good at it" in a hushed, sad voice made me want to take my own ribs out.
dni if your blog is blank / ageless / or are a minor
"mama! guess what!" your daughter says. "I have a secret!"
you smile to yourself because she always has a secret to share these days. little, innocent things that capture her attention which seem worthy of keeping confidential.
"you know," you say as you help her into her dress. "you're not supposed to tell secrets when you have them..."
"but I tell you everything, mama!"
you lift her up in your arms, the weight of her body getting heavier by the day and reminding you of how fast she's growing.
sukuna is taking her to visit her uncle yuji, and she has been over the moon about it. you place her on the seat of her vanity, and proceed to fix her hair since sukuna will be arriving in twenty minutes, and you want to make sure that she's all set once her dad gets here. you giggle at her response, "okay, okay, what's the secret?"
she looks at you from the mirror's reflection and covers her mouth as she chuckles.
"hey, what's with the sly face?" you prod, holding a chunk of her hair gently between your palm.
"do you know ms. kiko?" she asks, referring to her pre-school teacher.
"mhmm, what about her?"
she giggles again. "well, she told told mrs. chiyo that she thinks daddy is cute!!"
your heart thumps. oddly.
you're not immune to the way that the women look at the father of your child. it's the same alluring, seductive energy that drew you to sukuna in the first place.
but it's been years since you've both been intimate together in any capacity, you're sure that he's probably got someone on call if and when necessary. considering he has more spare time than you do without a child running around, you're pretty sure that sukuna is satisfied with whatever situationship he's in. you've learned to swallow the discomfort of the idea of sukuna with other women. just like how you had to bury the hurt of the very one who tore your relationship apart.
you hum at her observation, your fingers idly braiding her hair.
it's not like you were single anymore either. you've been casually dating a lawyer on and off. it wasn't serious per se, but it wasn't a fleeting relationship where it made you feel like you were entirely free of the attachment.
he's even met sukuna at this point.
granted those dates are few and far between, but you were a single mother who worked full time.
trying to commit to a relationship is hard.
even though, you would love to share all this with...someone.
"anyway, I had to warn daddy to be careful..." your daughter interjects.
"warn him?" you repeat with a smile, her choice of words adorable.
"yeah! so, I told daddy that ms. kiko was in love with him, and asked him if I should tell her to stop..."
"stop?"
"being in love with him!" she responds with a grimace.
that makes you laugh. "and why would you do that, hmm?" you question gently for fun.
"because I know that daddy loves you more, mama!"
your heart thumps again, harder this time. so hard you feel it nearly knock the wind out of you. you clear your throat to ease the apprehension while your daughter kicks her legs with anticipation.
"and how would you know that?" "because," she insists, "daddy told me that he loves you more than anyone else in this world"
her words spill out of her, a glass of water that's been carelessly knocked over. you scrunch your brows as each word registers into your brain, soaking over your to do lists and mental checks.
"what?" you whisper as you stare at this little girl who has already carried on the conversation.
"after me, obviously," she presses - because no one can take her place when it comes to the love that you and sukuna both give her.
"wait-wait..." you say a little breathless, your hands suddenly trembling as you do your best to finish the job you started. "what did your daddy tell you? I didn't quite-"
"he said he loves you more than anyone else in the world..." she repeats, her focus on the rogue hair brush that sits at her small vanity. "so, yeah, that's why I asked daddy if I should tell ms. kiko to stop saying he's cute..."
"your...your daddy is just being silly..." you murmur, trying to underplay the statement. you slip the hairband around her second braid to secure the style in place.
impossible, you think. that's impossible.
so much time has passed between you both.
you buried that part of your past long ago.
left it and refused to look back-
"nu-uh. he said that I don't have to say anything to ms. kiko. that it's okay because he loves momma more, anyway. but daddy also told me once that he's not that good at it," she adds on, her fingers picking at the bristles of her bright purple brush, "whatever that means..."
"when did you and your daddy have this conversation..."
the realization hits her then, and she stares up at you before covering her mouth. "oops," she states, glancing from side to side, "I pinky promised daddy I wouldn't tell you that..."
before you can fish out anything else from her, she hops off her seat, her feet pattering away as she moves across the room towards her pile of plushies.
"who should I take with me?" she says loudly, brushing aside the fact that she said far more than she should. she stands with her hip jutted out and her finger pressed against her lips, her back facing you.
you have to lean against her closet to steady yourself. you do your best to rationalize sukuna's words, trying to decipher the pieces in this game of whispers.
your mind flashes to the horrid break up five and a half years ago. a memory that exists hazily in the back of your mind, to the moment of you standing in sukuna's dingy old apartment holding a lacy white bra between your fingers.
it was not yours.
"what is this?" you gasped, your breath straining as your chest rose and fell with unease. "what the fuck is this..."
it's the only time you've ever seen sukuna panicked.
your memory only captures his words in blurs.
of him drinking too much.
way too much.
of him not waking up alone but swearing that he thought he was was you.
of him not recollecting his own thoughts because he blacked out that night.
of him being just as shocked when he realized the warm body next to him was not his girlfriend.
he begged you to forgive him.
"Baby, I swear. I fucking swear I will clean up my act. I-I'll never fucking drink again. Fuck, I went too far last night. One of the guys was passing around these pills I shouldn't have fucked around with them..."
you couldn't.
you couldn't accept any of it.
you already tolerated so much with him.
the drinking, the recreational drug use, his inability to keep a job, and him nearly ending up in jail for causing fights.
but you saw so much more in that man - and yet, he proved you wrong.
this betrayal spoke volumes.
this betrayal proved to you that you were expendable to him too.
that you just weren't that important.
that shadow of that man doesn't exist anymore. not with this new version of sukuna in your life.
he almost makes you forget the past. this man; your daughter's sunlight. her knight in shining armor. the source of her joy.
he may not have been good at loving you, but that little girl has him in the palm of her hand.
and he loves her with all his might, it feels like his absolution.
"mama?" your daughter calls out, snapping you out of your thoughts.
she's standing right in front of you now, holding a rabbit plushie in one hand and a penguin in the other.
"can I take both?" she asks innocently, her wide eyes glittering brightly as she remains oblivious to your own personal drowning.
"n-no," you stammer out, and affectionately poke the small dimple in her cheek. "just one, my love. we all know your uncle yuji will have more for you when you see him..."
her eyes widen, "that's right!" she exclaims, "he always finds the best and softest ones!"
the bell rings, and you abruptly stand on your feet.
your throat tight, your stomach fluttering.
"daddy's here!" your daughter cheers, and instantly runs out of the room.
you pick up her weekend bag and sling it over your shoulder. you pause and exhale softly, telling yourself to relax before following in her footsteps.
sukuna's deep voice greets you first.
"look at these braids on you..."
you find them both at the foyer, your daughter already scooped up in her father's big, muscular arms. his hand is tugging at one of her braids and she's smiling wildly in his direction.
he's wearing an oversized leather jacket, the fit only bulking up his stature. your daughter is gripping his black tee between her hands, and she yanks it gently before asking: "can we go now?"
sukuna smiles and your spine shivers.
age has done wonders for him too.
"easy, princess, let me say hi to your mom first..."
your fingers grip onto the strap of her weekender bag nervously. you don't know why you suddenly feel very aware of how you look.
of the fact that you're completely barefaced and running on five hours of sleep. that your choice in clothes is a pair of unflattering sweats and hoodie which has some coffee stains on it. you desperately need to wash your hair, and are due for a manicure appointment.
sukuna turns to face you, "hey you, I didn't notice you standing there..."
you clear your throat again, "hi! sorry...I uh-I didn't want to interrupt..."
sukuna adjusts the hold on your daughter, allowing you to approach him as he couldn't take off his boots.
"she all ready for me?" he asks.
"mhmm" you answer quietly, at a complete loss for words because all you can hear is "daddy said he loves you more than anyone else in the world."
you hand off the bag to him, which he takes with ease.
"it's not too late to join us," he offers, but you give him a small smile and shrug of your shoulders.
"trapped with work unfortunately,"
sukuna glances in your daughters direction, "I tried..."
she pouts your way. "you sure, mama?"
"yeah, my love, I am sure."
you slide into sukuna's frame, doing your best to carefully not touch any part of his broad canvas. you stand up on your tip toes and place multiple kisses on your daughter's cheek.
"I love you and I am going to miss you like crazy these next two days," you state sweetly, feeling her wrap her arms around your neck to give you a hug and a kiss in return. "promise me you'll be on your best behavior..."
"I promise!!" she answers.
you find the courage to meet sukuna's soft eyes, the ease on his face doing nothing to help your shattering state.
"I guess you're both set then," you say with a sigh.
he furrows his brow at your tone, and leans forward to make direct eye contact toward you. your lips part slightly at the close proximity of his face with yours, and he tilts his head like a curious cat before asking: "you okay?"
your heat burns so naturally. your heart ready to climb it's way up your throat. you blink back in surprise at his question, and stutter out a "I-I'm fine..."
"you sure?" he presses as he casually stands upright again, like he didn't just pop the bubble of your personal space. "you seem a little off..."
"I am okay," you reassure with a firm nod, before dropping your gaze down at your feet as you shift your balance. "I-I just have a lot on my mind today is all..."
there is a gentle tap just underneath your chin, your attention lifts up to look back at sukuna. his expression is stoic, but you can see the concern in his tense jaw. he taps the space just beneath your bottom lip, your insides turning at the gesture he used to do to you countless times before.
"anything I need to be worried about?" he asks calmly, his choice of words a veil over his obvious unsettlement.
you feel like you really can't breathe then.
your mind spins to when you carelessly kissed him. to when he returned the gesture at your daughter's play.
what seemed so innocent now feels like a serious overstep.
your hand circles around his wrist and you pull him away from you. "I'm fine, Ryomen," you acknowledge politely, trying to keep your words detached but kind.
after you see them both off and shut the front door, you find yourself pressed against the wooden frame. your back weakly glides down the surface until you're sitting on the floor. you bring your knees close to your chest, shaking at the prospect not because you don't want it to be true, but because you are terrified of allowing yourself to even open your heart to sukuna again.
he broke you. he hurt you. and yet, he somehow was the only thing that healed those wounds.
he is the reason why you were able to bring your daughter into this world. he treated her with immense love and supported you in every capacity to build this imperfect little family with you.
ryomen sukuna - your dark angel. the source of your deepest pain, and the reason for your happiest joy.
the wall that you've kept between you and sukuna exists as a safety barrier. you can peek over whenever necessary, but it doesn't mean you ever have to cross that boundary.
and yet, you've caught yourself with the consideration of sitting on the ledge, or maybe even stepping onto the other side.
all it takes for you is to then see the cracks and damages of the past as a reminder of what keeps stopping you.
"get a grip of yourself" you mutter out loud.
you let go of that love. you remind yourself, and you both are better for it.
sukuna is a completely different individual now, and you are in a much happier place than you were before.
the whirlwind romance, the intense passion and addictive excitement fizzled. the sparkle having faded the moment his betrayal was revealed.
maybe your love for each other is just too destructive when intertwined so closely. but existing loosely as small strings, and tethered to the singular entity that lives and breathes because of it...
maybe that should be more than enough for you both.
and you don't know why the thought breaks your heart a little.
#sukuna x you#sukuna x reader#sukuna x y/n#ryomen sukuna#ryomen sukuna angst#sukuna angst#hurt/comfort
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Danny did a little interview for AARP Magazine in December. I haven't seen it copied anywhere past the paywall and I enjoyed reading it, so wanted to repost here
(Article is pasted as text below the cut)
Noisemaker I was born in Asbury Park, New Jersey. I was the baby, my sister Theresa was 10 years older, my sister Angie was 16 years older, my mom had two sisters, and none of them shut up, ever. It’s an Italian family, so the decibel level is out there. A little smart aleck I went to Our Lady of Mount Carmel School, because if your mother and father didn’t know what to do with you, they gave you to the nuns. … and still a smart aleck I remember when Peter, my nephew, was born. I was 7 years old, and I went over and looked into the bassinet, and the first thing he did was pee on me. It was great! I don’t think there’s a conversation I’ve had with the guy over all these years where I don’t bring up the fact that he peed on me. Also an old softie Do anything you can to keep on an even keel with your family and friends, no matter what happens in your life. That’s all we have. Don’t hide things. You’ve got to get up every day thinking about how you’re going to make it easier for the people that you’re working with or that you love or that you eat breakfast with. Because it’s infectious; everybody starts feeling good. Falling into the business Growing up, I’d spend the weekends at the movies, but I actually wasn’t even thinking about doing it. I got introduced to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in a roundabout way, took a couple classes, and I got the bug. And I thought, I’m not like Cary Grant, but I got a feel for this thing. So I studied, and then I went and started looking for jobs in New York, like every other actor does. I didn’t care what the description was—“male, 6 foot 4, 250 pounds”—I’d go out for the audition. Once I got in the room, I’m going to do what I’m going to do. Becoming Louie I wanted that part, Louie DePalma [in Taxi]. I walked into the room to audition in front of the four guys who created it, and I said, “One thing I want to know before we start. Who wrote this shit?” And I threw the script on the table. And I had a nanosecond of, did I screw everything up? Then they fell on the floor. Louie walked into their lives. Sudden fame I went to the market the day after the first episode aired, and people are stopping me on the street: “Hey, Louie!” They weren’t calling me Danny. After a couple of days of this, I called my publicist, and said, “This is really crazy. People are chasing me down the street.” He says, “Danny, you don’t have to worry until that stops happening.” Now it’s all, “Frank, Frank, Frank!” because of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which is good. The fans are all you have. Still evolving I think I’m bolder than I’ve ever been—I don’t monitor myself as much. I do say things that are, like, pretty far out, that are really weird, and sometimes I’m inappropriate. But I am always respectful, and that’s because of my two sisters, I swear to God. You have to respect other people’s space.
My happy place Since my two grandbabies have been born, I am just in- corrigible. You gotta tamp me down in the joy department, you know what I’m saying? I’m just so lucky. Blessings have been showered down on me. I wish that for everybody.And the thing is to be aware of it. Don’t let it go. Rhea [Perlman, DeVito’s wife, from whom he is separated but with whom he still spends a lot of time] and I were always able to see those little, incremental changes when our kids were growing up. And I tell my kids that, with their babies: Don’t miss a thing, don’t look away. A sudden case of holidays I’m in the movie A Sudden Case of Christmas with my daughter Lucy, who plays my daughter. It’s just a real warm, wonderful movie, and I loved doing it. As far as the actual holidays go, we have family dinners. Basically we’re Italian, so you know, anybody who’s around, we grab. We get to celebrate all the holidays, because Rhea’s parents were Jewish, so we did all the Jewish holidays, and we do all the Catholic holidays or Italian holidays. My mantra It’s always a good thing to be positive about life, and always get out of bed thinking today’s the day you’re really going to kick its ass. That’s the way to do it
#i hope its legible in photo form#i had to torrent this whole magazine to read it#and then just screencapped it so#not the best quality but you get the picture#the piss story took me out#like ofc#danny devito
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There’s nothing better than thinking of Nick Carraway and Jay Gatsby’s different accents slipping out at the oddest times. Nick is new to New York so he’s prone to slipping more than Jay Gatsby but he makes a commendable effort to hide it when he moves to New York and it only slips when he’s exhausted or emotional. Jay Gatsby’s would probably only slip if he was drunk. But not tipsy, I’m talking like ‘I’m gonna forget this in the morning’ drunk.
I am of the opinion that regardless of the time period, Jay speaks with a pretty startling trans-atlantic accent that he gained partially On Purpose from Oxford and partially because he spends a lot of time with Meyer on Broadway with the actors of the shows he’s producing (as a denizen of Broadway). He thinks it makes him sound Old Money. Vaguely European. Absurd Formality. That sort of thing.
It’s not so immediately startling in canon era, but he still does it in any of my modern aus, which I imagine is jarring for anyone who meets him. Except for nick of course who’s like 🥺🥺🥺 Hes so Quirky And Misunderstood ♥️♥️♥️
It’s fucking ridiculous.
And there are times where Jay will slip up a little. Say behg instead of bag. Or ope instead of Oh Dear. And he prays nobody notices.
Except.
Nick…knows where the Off button is.
He can get Jay to not only drop the fucking façade but blurt out just about any heinous curse I’m sure was made available to him in the fishing camps or aboard the Tuolomee or in the trenches.
And that’s all I’m going to say about that. Little secret between neighbors.
As for Nick, I think his family is mostly older and he spent more time with them than he really wants to think about, so even if the younger folks don’t tend to carry such a strong accent as the earlier generations, he still sounds like a Fargo extra. And he has no idea.
Not a fucking clue. Even the New Haven cunts and his fellow troops neglected to mention it to him.
So imagine nick’s stress when he arrives in New York and people start snickering with the first “You betcha”. “Oh no yah fer sher” gets him some strange looks. He asks for a bag at the grocery store and the clerk snickers and asks “a behg?” And nicks like “yah” and the clerk’s like “that’s five cents per bag” and nick says “oh no that’s too spendy but thanks” and rushes out before he can incriminate himself as Thee Midwesterner any further. Making sure, of course, to “lemme just sneak right past ya real quick” at the person who’d been waiting behind him in line.
It’s a harrowing experience for everyone involved. And I like to picture Chester McKee teaching Nick how to New York properly. For hours and hours and hours…
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Hey! Hope everything is alright, we lost power lol- but uhh... Race head cannons? (I am sososo normal 😚) Good morning/day/night! 💜
hi, katz! thankfully the dorms still have power so i'm grateful to be bored out of my mind with internet access loll
race headcanons, let's do it!
his name is edward anthony higgins (which is partially real life canon and partially a nod to fanon) and he despises being called ed or any version of his first name (father's name). he's okay with tony or anthony, though.
i base my race off of livesies and 92sies (with a bit of uksies). his looks lean more towards ben cook and his personality is a mix of mostly max casella and a bit of josh barnett. sarcastic. fast-talking. impish little prankster. sorta mean and rough around the edges. big joker. ugh i just adore tough guy race and will always write him as such.
strong. (you've all seen ben cook's incredible biceps, need i explain?)
i adore the smart race headcanon. dk where it came from but i lovingly adopted it in both canon and modern
albert's his best friend in every universe
he and crutchie and jack are thick as thieves in every universe, caught somewhere between brothers and best friends
specifically canon era
got his nickname from selling out at the tracks in brooklyn, which i think is just plain canon but you can never be sure in this fandom
part irish (father) part english (mother), but he's born on u.s soil.
father is almost definitely 100% involved in gangs like the dead rabbits and the whyos
mother is dead oops
four older half-siblings (oops i think dad got around), two brothers two sisters, doesn't keep in touch with most of them but contacts occasionally as a last resort
manhattan's official second in command, takes over in jack's place when jack ages out. probably is not the next president of the newsboy union, but the next treasurer
related to the last one, the boy is excellent with numbers. very smart but just never had the opportunity to develop those skills. when davey starts school again, he offers to give race arithmetic lessons. when he realizes that race is better at arithmetic than he is, it turns into race helping davey do math homework.
two years younger than jack
became a newsie when he was around ten
misses his mom
knows he's smarter than most of these schmucks, so he's constantly running and winning card games/poker games/betting rings to trick people out of money. it's how he gets his mental stimulation, much to jack's annoyance (how else is he supposed to get extra cash for his expensive habits, jack?)
tobacco addiction oops
specifically modern era
got his nickname from being good at running, unironically. either he did track and field or he picked up the nickname from foster home shenanigans-- i pick my poison based on the au
absolute vape demon to the chagrin of all his friends.
foster system kid! mother is still dead and father was definitely involved in seedy criminal activities, currently in prison
still has all of those older half-siblings but... they do not get along, so his lil ass ended up in foster care at ten years old
misses his mom
still a certified genius when it comes to math and science, but he could care less about whatever else there is. he and davey make great study buddies because they excel where the other falters. they also make good tutors for jack, who needs a little assistance in all subjects that don't involve art or pe
i love making him a dancer in universes where that is financially possible, because here you've got this fast-talking witty tough guy that can whip out ten pirouettes in a row and flip across the room and still get up in your face-- then he still says 'and what about it?' and will beat your ass if you answer wrong
biggest case of gifted kid burnout you ever saw
could compete for valedictorian if he wanted to but he only tries in the subjects he has fun learning about
chronic procrastinator
because of the above, addicted to energy drinks as well. will probably need a kidney stone removed at some point in his life.
chews on the silver part of his pencils like the goblin he is
when someone (probably davey) tries to put him onto mechanical pencils, he snaps off the little plastic pocket clip and chews on that instead
augh thank you so much for the ask! i had so much fun answering <3
#newsies#headcanons#my headcanons#racetrack higgins#livesies#92sies#uksies#canon era#modern era#asks#answered asks#no twinkified racetrack in this house#this is a badass race household#this was literally so much fun to answer#SEND ME MORE#i could yap for days
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You said you wanted to make people mad on the internet, and you have instead brought delight to my internet. I love your opinions and share them. So I’m build on what you said and potentially piss people off myself.
I feel like despite it being such a huge deal in TSC the fandom has decided to ignore the fact Jean is 19, that he was 14/16(I can’t remember if he had two years before joining the line and I’m too tired to check) when he was sold and because the most abused and targeted person there. The one Riko learned, practiced, and intensified his sadism on.
Like the sexualization of Jean is so frustrating to me. I get that everyone heals and responds to sexual abuse/assault differently, but that’s not the only thing Jean needs to heal from, there’s also cult-aspects, being owned/trafficked, his sister having been sold as a child bride to her death, years of ritualistic torture/abuse, and others, so much else.
Because yeah, Jean is a fighter, his instinct is to fight, he also fights in his own way: keeping French, his accent, and teaching Kevin the language were just some ways in the nest, he had rebellions, smart ones. What he’s doing a USC is also such a big ‘fuck you’ to Riko hating Jean-Yves the French boy. THEIR PR STRATEGY INCLUDES HIM BARELY SPEAKING ANYTHING BUT FRENCH. Like that interaction in the mall wasn’t official strategy, but it’s such a healing move, he’s getting to fight/rebel safely, not having to panic over public statements/speaking, holding openly hold his nationality, his language, his personhood. THAT is what TSC is about.
Yes, we have simping after Jeremy, and yeah, JereJean is probably gonna start teasing in. But just for some perspective guys, it took me seven years to be able handle that sort of intimacy, friends are hard on their own, but those extra layers that are part of sexual intimacy (which I’m including kissing in) had more layers of vulnerability, trust, and triggers.
I want TGR to be Jean getting to heal, coming into his own, letting him have friends, a home, something like freedom, and maybe a flirtation with Jeremy. But Jean didn’t have friends (‘cause cult) he had alliances, his closest relationship was with Zayn and when that bargain got broken we know what Zayn let be. That was a connection/alliance that Jean had to build and fight for. Renee was complicated, friends that could have been romantic in different circumstances. Renee is the first person Jean was friendly with since his sister who hasn’t complicit in his abuse, and even then she knew about the abuse, and removed him from that environment without his consent and without a plan (thank you Neil for sorting that).
So Cat, Laila, Jeremy, the floozies, the Trojans (minus Lucas) are Jean’s first experiences of friendship and amicable companionship. Let the kid breathe. Because @sidevolt is right, he’s NINETEEN.
SocMed AU is a great little teehee moment, and I love it. But don’t forget canon, how young these character are, how traumatized they are. When thinking about Jean remember he and his sister were human trafficked as children, Elodie died, published is the only version where Jean didn’t, and now he is a traumatized kid who’s trying to figure out what life looks like without daily violence and threat of horrific abuse.
I know a lot of pre-2024 fandom material has Jean as older, but even then he was still what, 20/21? Still YOUNG. I didn’t understand the weight of these character’s youth when I first read these books, they felt old, as can happen when you read about characters older than yourself, but I’m in my mid-20s now. I am still young, but I look at these characters and I feel the heaviness Wymack does, because they’re kids, they’re barely legally adults, but further they’ve had to act adult so much while still being KIDS.
So yeah, don’t sexuality these characters, don’t rush let, let them be, let them heal, let them find their place and their rhythm to life rather than saying their healing should be rushed/haphazard so you can get JereJean to be canon in a month.
Let the art be art. If you want those things write or read fanfiction, I know I’ve come off judgey and preachy in this, but like guy, not everything needs to be canon, and not everything need to happen fast in a series either. That’s the power of fandom, that you can have what you want without the canon. Have an au, canon-divergence, headcanon, ship, dream for post-story future, whatever, I enjoy such things, and you get to as well! We can all enjoy fandom spaces however we do so, these are just my thoughts, k thanks.
(Also an aside @sidevolt if I ever start writing fics I will definitely ask for translation help)
i'm french and in my early twenties, of course i want to make people mad on the internet!
here are some opinions :
- i don't want JereJean to kiss in tgr, Jean is not ready for that.
- Jean isn't a weak submissive damsel in distress, he is a 6ft man who's first instinct is fight. just because he had to submit to survive doesn't mean he's naturally submissive
- and yet he is still a teenager with no normal life experiences, so sexualizing the way some people in this fandom do is weird
- the way some people sexualize any character is weird actually
- the socmed AUs can be funny, even if they're ooc and not realistic
- i want tgr to end with Jeremy's graduation, and book 3 to be about Jean learning to live on his own during his last year
- i don't like it when people use french words in fanfic bc most of the time they don't use the words correctly and it makes me cringe. sorry about that one it's a little mean but it had to be said. i'm more than okay to help with translation tho, just dm me !
that's it for now but there will probably be more.
i'd say "don't like, don't interact" but please, interact :)
#all for the game#aftg#the sunshine court#jean moreau#jeremy knox#jerejean#aftg tsc#aftg tgr#the golden raven#it is so late and I’m not filtering…oh well#if the internet decides to hate me they’ll let me know#I do love this fandom though - even when I don’t jive with everything
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Maybe I’m just being dramatic but it does legitimately scare and sadden me to see that a lot of transandrophobia truthers are literally just…young boys. Like, actual children. Like you’re not even old enough to vote yet and you have your whole life ahead of you and yet you are being manipulated into joining an mra group that hates trans women with a passion and thinks that men are oppressed in society for being men, and constantly uses Black men as their talking point in order to sound diverse and inclusive, meanwhile they’re also appropriating and misusing terminology specifically created by Black women to talk about our own oppression in order to get their misandry point across…to say nothing of the fact that the largest people in this group(including but not limited to its creator!) have misogynistic rape/detrans kinks centered specifically around preying on lesbians and trans women and this is something that is normalized and defended by the vast majority of transandrophobia truthers, or at least defended viciously by every single transandrodork that I’ve ever encountered who argued with me(a lesbian!!!) that actually there’s nothing wrong with getting off to the corrective rape of women because two consenting adults can do whatever they want in the bedroom(yeah right)! Not to mention I have yet to come across a transandrophobia truther who wasn’t also a raging die-hard Zionist.
And that’s why it disturbs me so much to see young trans boys jumping onto this transmisogynistic hate train like you guys realize these men don’t have your best interests at heart, right? They’re only going to manipulate you into being a sexist entitled asshat who shuns and bullies the trans women in your community and sees them as oppressing you. Like I know you’re still in middle/high school but you can still think for yourselves, you can choose to be better than this, you can choose to actually learn about feminism and realize that it’s not actually misandry that oppresses you, it’s transphobia. Misandry doesn’t suddenly become real because you slap a trans paint over it that’s not how it works that’s not how intersectionality works that’s not how any of this shit works. There are better trans men to talk to about trans issues who know that the patriarchy is real and don’t shit on trans women in order to speak out about trans topics, so go seek them out, okay? You absolutely do not have to listen to shit that the “male supremacists but trans” group of lowlives has to say. Hell, tell them to fuck off instead! Please, I promise you that there are much better options, there are ALWAYS better options, and you still have time to escape before they fully radicalize you into basically being an incel. There will ALWAYS be another way. ❤️
#transmisogyny#trans women#trans#lesbian#lesbophobia#transandrophobia is not real#sexism#misogyn#misogynoir#anti-blackness#racism#tw corrective rape#op#yes this is a vaguepost no i’m not naming names bc he’s a minor and i don’t want him to get harassed#but it does legitimately unnerve me and make me so sad#i normally mock transandrobros brutally if they’re older than me but when they’re children which is disturbingly becoming quite common#like sweetheart you still have recess what are you DOING#i don’t wanna sound like i think kids are stupid or know nothing or anything like that#because like i said many of them CAN make the choice to be better#it’s just also true that many kids are very impressionable and vulnerable and don’t have anywhere else to turn to so it’s hardly a surprise#that many of them turn to people who are really not worth listening to such as in these cases#so when i see a transandrophobia truther ruthlessly arguing that men are oppressed and then i go to their profile and it says 14 it’s like#how am i supposed to make fun of that now i’m just sad they need help#or to just grow up lol#if they’re lucky then these teenage trans boys will mature out of the idea that misandry is real and trans women are speaking over them in#the community/the source of all their problems#if they’re not lucky then they’ll turn out like…your everyday mra ig and no one wants to see that#at least i don’t
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I am once again going down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out the ages of the Gallifrey characters
#idk why my brain gets so caught up on this but it does#I’m also talking like start of gallifrey because I’m not getting into all that for them now#what bothers me the most is that we’ve got basically nothing on Narvin#I can’t remember for sure but I don’t even think we know what regeneration he’s on#I don’t think it would be hard to assume his first but also it could not be#like for brax we know he’s older than the doctor so that puts him at at least 1000#and romana is around 600 years younger than the doctor so she’d be around 400#and then I’m going with 50 ish for leela because we don’t know her actual age so I’m using Louise jamesons age plus the time she spent#married to andred#also with romana that’s assuming that her and the doctor experienced the same amount of time in between them traveling together and the#start of gallifrey#I guess that could also count for brax too but whatever#for narvin what we’ve got is that he was above the rank of a junior agent under vansell during the time of the fourth doctor#(at least probably)#so we can make the assumption that he wasn’t fresh out of the academy/cia training#which makes me inclined to say that he’s older than romana#but that’s really all I’ve got on him#doctor who#gallifrey#romana#irving braxiatel#narvin#leela#clearly this is a subject I am normal about#if anyone else makes it this far in my rant and has any insights I’d love to hear them
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@elephantswaggerdesigns: I was wondering what size safety eyes you use? I tried looking at older posts but i couldn’t find if you said or not. The smallest I can find in store is 9mm, do you buy online? If so, what is the best place you have found to get them? Also, to keep to a scale that will fit in your hand, (shoulder or belly width), is it like 30 stitches at its widest? Love your work. I can only imagine what you have learned with making so many different shapes/forms. I don’t think this classifies as a pattern question but if it does skip it. Did you have to make up your own stitches in places or do you stick with standard sl st, sc, invisible Inc, invisible dec?
The safety eyes are 4.5mm! I buy them from 6060eyes etsy. I haven't bought from them in a while because one day I thought "Why don't I just buy all the eyes I will ever need so I never run out?" and so bought a lot of them and I still haven't run out yet lol. I liked them specifically because most places online I found started at 6mm eyes which look so big at the scale I'm making my crochets and I honestly really like the little beady eyed-look they have.
Yeah I would say most of my Pokemon end up around 30-32 stitches at their widest point. Some like Guzzlord got bigger than that at maybe 50ish? Which was HUGE imo and only justified because that's kind of specifically Guzzlord's deal being a big Pokemon. It's not something I consciously set out to adhere to, but I have noticed that 36ish stitches is about the biggest I will make a row, usually because of a lot of alternating color switches, and that if I am doing mono-color rows I keep it capped at around 32. Which doesn't sound like that big of a difference, but it kind of is at this scale! However this doesn't necessarily keep them small, because some Pokemon are just very long, like Eternatus, and I think the widest point was like 10 stitches, but it ended up being a lot of rows. That's just something I gotta accept though if I want to keep only using the one size hook and yarn, because I'm not about to go making only a few Pokemon with smaller hooks using idk sports weight yarn just so I can keep the whole thing physically palm-sized.
That's a fine question! It's all straight up US-terms single crochets, slip stitches, chains. I don't consider "invisible increase/decrease" as separate from single crochets because they are fundamentally single crochets. Recently I've been doing more half double crochets, sometimes double crochets, for some extra details, but generally yeah it's just sc, sl, ch. I sometimes do back loop only or front loop only to get a certain look, but I don't think any of what I've done would be considered making up my own stitches.
what size hook/yarn do you use? as a fellow amigurumi enthusiast i can never find a good middle ground for some reason like either my stitches are way too tight to be manageable or they’re too loose and stuffing pokes out >:(
3.25mm hook and medium weight (4) yarn
Sometimes people tell me I should use a smaller hook and lighter yarn but Idk this works for me. I think smaller in general is better, but if you can make consistent stitches comfortably, that's what's best. Takes some trial and error but eventually you should be able to find that good middle ground
#dpc replies#mostly i mean the pattern thing to prevent the 'can i have this pattern' types of questions. i'm fine about technical questions usually.
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Shakes and cries I wanna make Jackie parent hc designs but I can't because potentially one of them is a prevalent character now and her ass has not spoken a single line yet so I both know nothing and can't just start making shit up yet </3333
#rat rambles#oni posting#I hope alan shows up at some point I need to know what one alan stern is up to so badly#I mostly am hoping things stay relatively vague with the family drama but I would like a sense of what they're personalities are like#if for no other reason than wanting more proxy fuel for jackie character analysis#but alas there will likely be quite the wait until we get new story content again#which Im fine with to be clear I want them to take their time to polish things#especially since the last two dlcs were so close together#plus Id like to see some new bionic dupes before then as well#I assume new bionic dupes will come as we get more stuff but itd be comforting to see all that stuff not be locked behind a whole new dlc#Im fine with dlc exclusive dupes dont get me wrong I just don't want the oni team to build a situation in which the bionic boosterpack#starts to retroactively feel like an unfinished product due to basic things such as a decent dupe selection being locked behind other dlcs#I rly hope that new bionic dupes are sprinkled throughout different qol updates or something like that instead#other than that I have no real expectations for what comes next gameplay wise Im simply content letting the oni team cook#I just am also going to be a big baby abt wanting new lore already the entire time because I wanna draw alan nowwwwwww#I also need to know if jackie's maybe brother is older or younger than her this is so important#since I very first read oni stuff I have seen her as the youngest of 2 and I would rather have them shatter that image sooner than later#I still Want him to be older but I am very willing to accept my hcs being obligerated with jackie#the last time they did it it was entirely for the better and I trust that when they inevitably do it again it will also be for the better#that being said I do want to announce I take it all back abt wanting more joshua stuff Im too attached to my hcs let me have this#joshua is the one oni character where I just like fully let loose my ideas upon it would be so easy for it all it crumble into dust#and like I would adapt and be fine but I would rather get to keep the ever growing chunk of my oni playlist he takes up in tact#thankfully I feel fairly comfortable that most the relevant guys in the basegame story aren't going to be too much of a presence for now#we seem to be getting more focus on general worldbuilding and less on preexisting characters#most glaringly olivia has basically been a complete nonpresence in both dlcs so gar#nikola and ashkan both continue to be the offhand mentioned but outside of them the focus seems to be shifting towards new characters#in particular I find it fun that gossmann has been mentioned in both of the recent dlcs making me wonder if shes going to be smth of a#nikola like character for the upcoming dlcs#also please let b. boson be burt please please please please please I need my boy to be real#I'm inclined to say he also certainly is but there is a world where boson is a rando so I can only be so confident
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i need to practice my japanese sooo bad but it’s sooo hard when i’m not in a class for it yet
#please please please @ my profs let me into the japan trip next year i know my gpa is a 3.7 i swear im good for it#im going CRAZY…#i want to learn japanese and french sooo bad#preferably many more languages too im just veeerrrryyyy slow#i’ve been thinking of making a sideblog to practice my japanese. like part of studyblr or whatever it’s called#IDK mostly i just want to read nobuko yoshiyas work which is hard because it’s not translated#but it’s SOOOOO influential on yuri ESP older yuri that i HAVE to read it..#i looove learning abt lesbians around the world#very chatty all to say i am going to practice more#helping kids learn to read at my job really made me realize that learning languages is HARD even if u already speak them!#i took asl in high school but that was easier for me to conceptualize than spoken languages#i reallt don’t know much japanese at all mostly just introductory stuff#i can read hiragana but i’m still learning katakana#i know maybe. maybe. 5 kanji. that’s it#LOTS TO LEARN IM EXCITED i’m supposed to be taking a class this winter hopefully!!!!!!#jonesytag
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something i think some people don’t understand is that everyone has different things that happen to them in their life!!! just because something isn’t emotional to you doesn’t mean you should try and tell people who did find it emotional it’s not!!!! people have lived beyond who you know in person!!!!!
#i saw a barbie post and it reminded me of this#like this is so fucking simple and some people do not get it#i bawled my eyes out at the end of the barbie movie because it took me back when i was younger and i really connected with it#but my friends (who i went to see it with) didn’t cry at it or find it emotional and have since tried to convince me it wasn’t sad#you don’t know why i cried at it!! you don’t get it!#and when i try to tell them “you don’t get it because we’ve had different lives” they say there’s nothing to get because it’s not sad#they don’t get it because they haven’t had my particular experience - the same way i haven’t had theirs#i don’t know how difficult it is to not discredit someone’s emotions but it can’t be that hard#the barbie movie is really important and special to me as someone who struggles with identity#my friends don’t know this so i can’t blame them for that but the point still stands#the age old thing you are taught when you are literally a young child is that you don’t know what people are going through so be respectful#but they and other people don’t seem to understand that despite being well older than a young child#you have no idea why i find it sad. let me find it sad and move on with your life.#particularly two of them seem to try and cement this point that the film and the billie eilish song (which i literally cannot listen to)#aren’t sad#it really does irritate me because any possibility i get to say something’s sadness can be entirely subjective in some cases i am dismissed#these people are girls. they played with barbies. and still i can bet every one of us associates different things to when they played with#barbies. they do not get that.#i can’t really describe my relationship with the barbie movie properly and maybe it’s just me having a fit about it but it is so so persona#to me.#sorry for the rant.#barbie movie#barbie 2023#zad talks
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ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.
#purrs#delete later#idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every#single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional#needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t#those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t#this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone#but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o#course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and#i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved#mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or#whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a#week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be#writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all#the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality#is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents.#and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments#where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them#comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so#painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i#haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that#kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im#crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i#missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever.#and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read#the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are#closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom#to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess.#also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and#that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk
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okay I've decided against pursuing any sort of diagnosis re: my growing suspicions I have ADHD/something of that ilk for a variety of reasons, but it will NEVER stop galling me how I lack object permanence. like a baby. I need to have clear storage containers because if I cannot see something I forget it exists. it's both a relief to know that there is a potential "explanation" for such behavior but also realizing that most other people can do convenient things (like: remembering the existence of stuff) is also FRUSTRATINGGGG because I wish that was me! imagine being able to remember things not only casually but well! imagine that! god!
#it's also frustrating because it can bleed into interpersonal relationships and depending on people's friendship styles it can have a...#large impact. like back in high school my best friend would regularly be hurt by me not remembering things#(ranging from stories she'd tell me to stories I'd already told her to people's names to pieces of information I'd been made aware of)#and I took it personally at that age and sort of took it as:#''I am an inherently selfish person who can't remember things about other people and I am Bad''#and while that friendship grew apart and she sort of resigned herself (eventually) to me being the way that I was#I guess I never really let go of my guilt around it... and even now I still feel Very Bad about not remembering things#and I've often thought to myself of how I could mitigate it to be a better friend#but I short of ''keeping notes on your friends and the stories they tell you which you will need to reference often''#I've not had much luck in cracking that#I feel like as I've grown older I've found friends who (for whatever reason) don't take my ''poor memory'' personally#[and hilariously I've seemed to befriend people with FREAKISHLY GOOD memories who more than make up for my own]#and that's been... a bit better because it's been many years since I've had a friend make me feel bad for not remembering something#and in fact I have friends now who HAVE diagnosed ADHD who (obviously) Get It#but back of my head I still think that I do the people around me a disservice by not frequently/accurately committing things to memory#I think it makes me a worse friend and a worse employee for that matter#and I do in fact wish there was a magic pill that would grant me that ability and that ability only. it feels like it would change my LIFE.#anyways this tag essay is brought to you by:#me looking for my concert earplugs (which I have never used despite buying them FOR three concerts I went to last year since I kept...#say it with me... forgetting about them the day of the concert!) and finding a stash of two different battery types I had no idea I owned#anyways. earplugs are going into my car so I will have them on me#and batteries have been moved to the clear container in my closet with the other batteries. sigh.
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anyway im having fun with colors now that ive sworn off the Nefarious Orange Undertones. i always hated anything that i can see orange in tbh But i have not grown up on not only pretentious storytelling but also 2000s school moviesand i have chronic outdated person syndrome so i am not immune to propaganda. for clothes
#i feel like i should write something about this topic because sure im vain but its not just about vanity after a certain point#im vain when im doing cocomelon shit with eyeliner but im not vain when i try to look like my skin is clearer than it actually is#or when i try to unfrizz my hair because i idgaf about either of those things in a vacuum#when we had lockdown and nobody perceived me oh brother#i damaged my hair on Purpose cause i thoufht it looked fun and whimsical#but when im out and about more its not fun anymore cause i get like. people working in stores following me around if i look too messy LMFAO#but if i do certain things its completely different.#it kind of messes with my head idk if my interest in the topic is all that healthy but like#its kind of really interesting. the way small details make people see you in a completely different way#ive had people both ask what subject i teach in my uni/if im married and say i was familiar and ask like where my parents are#or Really hesitate to serve me alcohol#and dont even get me started on gender business i could write essays on it#presenting feminine is a scary high stakes gamble#though iit remains true that people often think im a lot older than i am which im kinda obsessed with#hope i never ruined any chatty uber guys marriages by giving them relationship advice despite never being married.#ive told ppl my mom is my work bestie and they believed me .#Like ok caring about looks is annoying but girl it goes beyond customizing the avatar you can customize your life#and i sure do enjoy my office lady persona i should start trying to emphasize my fine lines i wanna see what wpuld happen#.txt
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age gap autumn girl fuck you
#laid down on his bed he asks if i’m alright with him locking the door i say should i be afraid of you locking the door he rolls his eyes#i’m watching a pot on his stove we’re alone in his apartment he’s standing right behind me and i look at the glass of his kitchen window#so i can catch his reflection he’s just standing there waiting for his vegan pasta his meatless dish but i still feel like prey this#weekend i shared a hotel room with the kids they came over at night to watch a game and they’re all cuddled up around me they’re all#laughing and laughing and laughing and telling me about their exes and their boyfriends and i’m under the arm of one of them and he says#kitty kitty you’re going to fall off the bed i rest my head on another’s calf and she says kitty your hair is so soft and they’re all#laughing#i keep this in my drafts and a month after it's freezing at night i'm looking up at a man that might be fifty or at least forty five i#ask his name which i don't remember now because i was plastered. i was so drunk i tell him mister whatever-his-name was you're so handsome#and he blushes like i'm the one chasing him and that's because i am. i am laughing with all of my teeth out. he giggles pretty like i've#spent years doing and i ask him what is it sir what is it and he says i'm not usually told that and i nudge a little more i say you don't?#how? you're so handsome i say it in the way they all taught me in the way i've heard it before i keep going until he leaves for his place#but he doesn't invite me back because it's clear i've made him uncomfortable so i frown a little and lean back towards the boy i made out#with the night before i tell him huh old guy won't fuck me and he laughs he says so you really like them older i say yeah i laugh#i laugh and then i say but they don't seem to like me anymore he makes a joke about me having cut my hair short and i say no it's because#i'm too old for them now and he shakes his head do you see how fucked up that is he tells me and i just laugh harder but don't tell him it#is the truth. but not the whole of it. the rest of the truth is in me prowling through the bars another night and making eyes at them#instead of baring my neck when they come at me it's in me growing into a man in the steel of elevators and their sheets in the ac of their#offices and the heat of their cars and outgrowing them not to turn away from them but to become them that salivating beast they all are#all of us are i lean back on walls and show them a hip a boot-ed-on foot that is still small a wrist that is still thin a jaw that still#won't grow fuzz but don't they see right through they see right through this too small costume i've put on for them in the same way i#used to swear i saw through them too i swore i saw them for what they were but without even noticing they've done what they do in movies#and books and songs and middle-school health classes like in every warning that was given to me but here in this far away country i just#laugh and laugh harder when he says it makes sense though i mean i'm older than you too and he's only 24 and he says it so boyishly#almost with a pout and i cackle and he laughs too and there we are and we sound like children there in the street
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#i feel like were either seen as not a system at all#or completely a system#and theres so much ickyness to me about both these options#dont get me wrong plurality can be okay like im not anti plural#but i get this feeling that like#some people (ESPEICALLY people we knew in syscord servers)#see us fully as a system and like yeah i am but thats not all i am..?#like im roy sure#but me? im azi#and i wish people woulf start treating me like it#i get it when were blurry (which. we are a lot 😭)#but when i say hii its azi#just being called my name would be nice#plus like. i feel like im never going to escape my source#yeah sure i interact with the content because i love it#but i mean like#im ageless right? i also look wayy older than the body#so its not like i can just date someone our age#thatd be weird. i look so much older#and im not even searching for a sourcemate#its just. where else am i supposed to find someone that will be able to love me#genuinely really despise the idea of sourcemates#but im much more happy#with people thinking im just a kin of that person#than i am based off of them#but where else am i supposed to find a system with an ageless alter that looks like 40 or 50 😭#sometimes i hate being a system#i have so much more to say but might delete this idk#vent#azi core
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