#which he's fully entitled to -i had the whole semester to do that thing and i knew damn well and right when the deadline-

[thesmokinpossum]

Just submitted my awful, shitty disgusting paper a bit over an hour late, genuinely unsure of if my prof is gonna choose to be an angel of mercy and compassion and not take late points away from it or not but eh, at least it's over I guess

[mistresseast]

You're right about that, I just don't vibe with most of the fandom so even "the fandom will fix it" doesn't help when I just want confirmation he is alive, when people keep saying he's not, and for him to just have something positive with another character, a friend or something, so he feels human and not just "crazy" like he's portrayed. Or any answers about his past or Shido, it just feels unfinished to me and other characters you at least know how they felt. I think I'm the only one not cont.

Response under the cut for length:

I can tell that you’re really upset and frustrated, so I’m going to be as polite and sympathetic as I can. First of all, no one can tell the future in regards to Atlus’s plans. P5 is massively popular and there is every possibility that they will continue the story or tell more stories in the same universe, but there’s also every possibility that the game will essentially go into Brand Lockdown to avoid alienating any potential customers, so all that will come out of P5 in the future is episodic content like Scramble that doesn’t threaten or add to the lore. Anything is possible. HOWEVER if you are betting your enjoyment of the source material on the possible future addition of more content, and specifically content that satisfies all of your personal needs, you are playing a losing game. From these messages, it sounds to me like you have been around the fandom for a while and you have been failed by the game multiple times at this point, and it certainly seems like you are no longer deriving any enjoyment from the fandom or the game. Forgive me if that’s incorrect, but if I’m right, then I believe you need to start thinking seriously about what you want from your fandom experience. At this point, you can either hold out hope that Atlus will provide what you need and/or that the fandom will undergo a massive paradigm shift and start satisfying you OR you can take charge of your own happiness. How you feel about the game/the content fans create is solely your responsibility. I understand that everyone experiences fandom differently, and I’m very sorry that the circles you’ve traveled in have not had the correct “vibes” for what you need, but personally I have not seen a general fandom trend toward believing that Goro and Akira shouldn’t reunite, nor that Goro cannot heal and find love. Perhaps I’ve been lucky, bc I have certainly encountered those mindsets, in particular the concept that Goro, as he is in the game, is not worthy of happiness and healing until he is punished and therefore redeemed, but I never got the impression that that was the state of the fandom as a whole, and in fact I have only ever consumed/created/promoted content where Goro heals and finds love and I never encountered any derision or opposition, even before Royal.

On the topic of Royal’s ambiguity: it is not cheap writing to rely on subtext. Royal is not perfect. Its handling of Goro and his fate are not perfect. However, the narrative makes it obvious that Goro is alive if you take the time to put the pieces together. Not stating something outright and allowing the audience to reach its own conclusions does not equal “dangling Goro’s survival” in front of the fans. A lot of the details about Goro’s character, including his backstory and his fate, are present if you can interpret subtext. Fandoms as a whole are not very good at doing this, but that doesn’t mean the information isn’t there, and just because the fandom in general doesn’t know Goro is alive doesn’t mean he isn’t. As far as the canon “proving” Goro isn’t just a trigger-happy maniac, I don’t know where you’ve gotten the idea that it doesn’t. Goro in the third semester is controlled, purposeful, and determined. He’s fully aware of what’s going on and he takes responsibility for his choices, recognizing the manipulation he suffered but not using that to excuse his actions. But he also doesn’t waste time on regret. He gets a little wild as Black Mask, but he’s still your navigator, he’s still very much in control of himself. And even before that, in the engine room, he is portrayed as tragic, not crazy. Again, I realize that there are parts of the fandom that have failed to recognize this and paint Goro as a monster, but AGAIN, you cannot blame the source material for the audience misinterpreting something it did everything in its power to make clear. Wishing the game had done more on that front, or any front, is understandable, but saying the canon portrays him as crazy is simply incorrect.

I'm not trying to argue with you, it just seems like you're upset about some things that are not true. I would also be upset if we never learned whether Goro was dead or alive, but we know that he's alive! I would also be upset if the game failed to show how complex he is and only framed him as a bloodthirsty monster, but it doesn't do that! I see a lot of opinions regarding Goro and Royal that are not based on logic or evidence, but rather on how people felt while playing, which is valid, but that does NOT mean those ideas are canon. What the story is trying to say and what you FEEL like the story is trying to say are not interchangeable. Some of the things that are bringing you grief are fixable. The fandom stuff is more complicated, but I promise the content you're after is out there, and there are a lot of fans who think like you. I know that doesn't really help when you feel alone and misunderstood, but at some point you have to ask yourself if you're going to seek out the fandom experience you want or continue in a fandom that seems to make you pretty miserable.

From the way some of this comes off, it kind of sounds like you want to control how people interpret/interact with the characters and the game, and that you can't be happy unless everyone conforms to your ideas, which is a terrible and alienating way to engage with fandom. But I also recognize that if you’re determined to feel this way, nothing I say will change that, and I believe everyone is perfectly entitled to their own bitterness and frustration if that’s how they want to spend their time. However, if you keep coming to me, I’m going to keep refuting you, bc my feelings about this matter are just as strong as yours. If my frankness depresses you, despite the effort I’ve put in to making my positivity accessible, then I’m sorry. I wish I could help everyone be as happy in this fandom as I am, but that’s just not possible, so I truly wish you all the best in finding what you’re looking for.

[ladyherenya]

Books read in July

With one or two exceptions, these were books were sources of FEELINGS.

Favourite cover: The Enigma Game, nut most of these covers are a good fit for the stories they represent.

Reread: “The Marriage of Mary Russell” by Laurie R. King, “Something Worth Doing” by Elizabeth and I also listened to quite a bit of Code Name Verity (by the same).

Also read: “Monster” by Naomi Kritzer.

Still reading:  A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking by T. Kingfisher.

Next up: Stars Above by Marissa Meyer.

(Longer reviews on LibraryThing and Dreamwidth.)

*

Descendant of the Crane by Joan He (narrated by Nancy Wu): Princess Hesina of Yan, believing her father to be murdered, opens an investigation into his death. She’s driven by her aching grief and by her fierce desire for truth and justice -- for all her people, as well as in this matter of her father’s death. But the truth is much harder than she expects. I thought this was incredible, but sometimes stressful! Compelling characters, complex family dynamics (I especially liked the sibling relationships), intricate prose and worldbuilding, and startling twists that turned out to slot neatly in with the other puzzle pieces.

Riviera Gold by Laurie R. King: This takes place in July 1925, immediately after Island of the Mad. Mary Russell leaves Venice for Monaco, hoping to see her former housekeeper -- and discovers that Mrs Hudson has been accused of murder. As always, I love Russell's first person narration and her observations of the world around her. The historical scenery is particularly vivid: cliffs and ocean views, the Monte Carlo casino, expats with questionable pasts and connections, smugglers, Jazz Age artists, bronze casting. Moreover, it’s all relevant to the mystery Russell is unravelling. I also liked the indications that Russell and Holmes’ unconventional marriage works for them.

Fireweed by Jill Paton Walsh: A short bittersweet novel from 1969  about two runaway evacuees living on the streets of London during the Blitz. It’s very vivid, particularly the details about wartime London -- but there’s also a thread of ambiguity, because the narrator is looking back on a time he doesn’t fully remember and didn’t always understand. In the end, that becomes a bit unsatisfying, yet I like how the story allows one to fill in some of the gaps for oneself. I wish I had discovered this at thirteen -- I’d have appreciated it even more and been fascinated by the experience of fending for oneself.

Aurora Burning by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff: After everything that happened in Aurora Rising, Squad 312 have been labelled traitors but they are not going to let that stop them from saving the world. This is fast-paced, with some excellent twists and frustrating developments. Sometimes the action was engaging; other times my eyes glazed over. Sometimes the multiple POV was a strength; other times I felt it hindered me from becoming really attached to anyone. Sometimes I was amused by the characters, and other times the qualities which make them amusing became irritating. I think the things I liked outweighed the things I didn’t care for?

The A.I. Who Loved Me by Alyssa Cole: Trinity is working from home after a traumatic accident when she meets her neighbour’s strange nephew, Li Wei. This science-fiction romance has mystery, humour and moments of very pointed commentary. I enjoyed Li Wei working out how to act like a human again, and the interactions with Penny, the Home AI assistant. There is more going on here than either Trinity or Li Wei initially realises, which is great --- but that reveal indicates that some important, interesting parts of this story have been glossed over. I might have liked this more if the flashbacks had been expanded.

“Monster” by Naomi Kritzer (from Clarkesworld Magazine, issue 160): This alternates between Cecily’s time in China, looking for an old school friend, and the history of that particular friendship. I don’t regret reading (well, listening to) this, but I don’t know if I liked it. It is tense and uneasy, and left me wishing I had someone with whom I could discuss interpretations of the ending’s implications.

Gravity is the Thing by Jaclyn Moriarty (narrated by Aimee Horne): This grew on me. In the end, I loved it. For twenty years, Abigail’s been sent chapters of a mysterious self-help book. The story alternates between the present, as Abigail learns more about The Guidebook, and her reflections about her past -- particularly her brother, her marriage, being a single mother. At times this story is uncomfortable but the way everything is drawn together -- and seeing Abigail make sense of her life -- was unexpectedly satisfying. Compelling. I also liked the Australian setting, the Aussie audiobook narrator, some of the whimsical parts and how Maybe The Real Treasure Was the Friends We Made Along the Way.

The Enigma Game by Elizabeth Wein: Like The Pearl Thief, this is a prequel/companion novel to Code Name Verity. In late 1940, nineteen year old Jamie is an RAF pilot in northern Scotland. His friend Ellen, a driver for the aerodrome, is staying at the same pub as Louisa (newly-orphaned, half-Jamaican), who is caring for an elderly German woman. Together they discover a way to keep Jamie’s squadron ahead of the Germans. I loved this. A powerful exploration of identity, secrets and the problems of prejudice. I was delighted (and also devastated) by how this story fits in with Code Name Verity. The bits about flying are lovely.

Hamster Princess: Giant Trouble by Ursula Vernon (aka T. Kingfisher): After Ratpunzel, Harriet’s next adventure involves magic beans, a giant bunny and a hamster who wants to form a band. There is something very soothing about making tea. You have to concentrate on the whole process, and then you have tea. Even someone as decisive as Harriet had to make tea sometimes and think things through.

Kind of Cursed by Stephanie Fournet: Millie has been dealing with a lot -- losing her parents, gaining guardianship of her younger siblings, a miscarriage and a relationship break-up. She’s decided to avoid men for the next decade. But it’s hard to avoid Luc, who is overseeing the renovation of Millie’s kitchen. Watching Millie find the support, comfort and happiness she so desperately needs gave me warm fuzzy feelings. This has the right I-need-a-hug-vibe, the right ratio of emotional hurt/comfort, for me. In another story, I might have had issues with how quickly the romance becomes a serious relationship, but the characters’ choices made sense in context.

Fall Semester by Stephanie Fournet: This romance between a depressed literature professor and a graduate student with a terminally-ill father was an interesting experience because I was aware of its weaknesses and yet it was such a compelling dose of FEELINGS that I really enjoyed reading it. I also have something of a soft spot for stories about universities -- and perhaps was feeling tolerant, knowing it was the author’s first novel. (Weaknesses included: the prose style is serviceable but bland, an odd fit for protagonists with backgrounds in literature/poetry; their serious issues deserved more focus; and some of Malcolm’s reactions have uncomfortable overtones of entitlement.)

You First by Stephanie Fournet: More compelling feelings, which kept me reading, but in hindsight, didn’t completely sell me on the age-gap or the short time-frame. If only it hadn’t largely skipped over showing the characters navigating an interesting challenge introduced in the final act in favour of an epilogue which picks up some time later! Seriously, if you’re going to throw in that particular complication, then I at least want to watch them deal with it. I’m not grumbling too much. I cared enough about seeing the characters’ situations improve, which counts for something. And what did I expect, reading three romance novels in a row?

Like No Other by Una LaMarche: Two teenagers meet in a New York hospital elevator during a blackout. Devorah is a Hasidic Jew, Jaxon is black. Devorah is not allowed to socialise with boys outside of her family, let alone anyone outside her community, but she and Jaxon keep finding ways to see each other. This was fascinating, but also frustrating -- I was frustrated with Devorah’s culture for making her feel like she would be disowned if she put a foot wrong, and also frustrated, perhaps unfairly, with Jaxon for not fully appreciating the risks Devorah faces. However I liked the ending a lot.

[sangsanghaebwa]

Meaningless, Meaning More (M)

Genre: Smut, angst, university!AU Word count: 9k Description: A frat party, some honest talks with a friend, meaningless pleasure - all is harmless fun until feelings get involved. Warnings: Explicit mature content, swearing Author’s note: I completely rewrote the last few pages twice because I was just not satisfied, but finally I think this is okay for me. :D This was originally supposed to be just a working title, but I like it for some reason, so I didn’t change it, even if it’s vague af. Also I’ve been meaning to write something for Yoongi for months now, but hey, look at me typing out another Jimin piece... :D Hope you enjoy reading this while waiting for Hixtape!

You didn’t quite understand how you ended up alone with Jimin in his room, but here you two were, while the rest of the house was drowning in party noises. Usually in these kinds of situations you would end up with Taehyung or Jungkook or even Jungkook’s girl, since one of them was always bound to be the designated driver, not to mention that you and Jimin weren’t even that close, compared to some other people from your friend group. However this time the party was in the boys’ frat house, meaning the designated driver wasn’t needed, so you were fully prepared to be the only sober one, and definitely didn’t expect Jimin to join you. But like he said when he refused a cup of beer from Tae - he had a dance practice to attend early in the morning, which lead you two to lounge in his room, alone together for the first time probably, learning you had more things to talk about than you could’ve ever expected.

“So what really pushed me to break up with her, was how entitled she felt when it came to sex,” you ended up sharing bad relationship stories and Jimin was telling you about why exactly he dumped the dancer girl he was dating last semester.

“What do you mean entitled? I thought you were the kind of person who enjoyed having sex a lot?” You felt bad for assuming, but Jimin’s active sex life was something you’ve heard being discussed among your friends more than once before.

“Oh, not that I didn’t want sex, it’s just when it comes to give and take… you know,” Jimin trailed off and your expression must’ve told him that you didn’t exactly know, since he burst out laughing, “I barely ever got a blowjob from her but she expected me to eat her out every time we got sexual,” Jimin explained, while scratching the back of his neck, the slight shyness being something you hadn’t associated with the confident handsome male, “Sorry if it’s too much information,” he added after a beat and you chuckled reassuring him.

“This is fine, if anything my period disaster story was more tmi.” You both laughed and you couldn’t help thinking about how easy it was for you to relax around Jimin. That was probably what prompted you to ask the next question.

“I guess there’re a lot of girls who don’t particularly enjoy giving blowjobs, but what I don’t get is why she’d be so obsessed with getting oral? I mean it’s one of the least pleasurable foreplays and I can’t even imagine it being the main course,” Jimin looked at you as if you’d just grown a second head.

“You must have never experienced good oral,” He stated and you both laughed hard, but once you calmed down, the smile left your face and you started thinking more about it.

“I mean… I just never considered that it could be good, you know? They just wiggle their tongues all over the place and look at you expecting you to come then and there?” Jimin folded in half laughing and despite your sudden concerns you felt endeared by his reactions.

“Honey, you really need to reconsider who you sleep with,” Jimin teased and you threw a pillow at him, huffing in annoyance, since you didn’t want to admit that he was probably right.

“Well if you know anyone who could eat me good, I’ll be waiting for recommendations,” you settled on Jimin’s bed, staring at the ceiling, not even realizing how silent it suddenly got in the room.

“Um… I could do it for you? I mean try… I mean unless you think it would be weird? Because it totally doesn’t have to be! It could be just one friend helping another friend experience new things… Wow I just totally made it weird didn’t I? Forget I said anything,” Jimin clenched his jaw in embarrassment and all you could do was stare at his side profile and try to process whether he just said what you think he said.

You’d be lying if you said you’ve never thought of Jimin in that way, or even imagined it to be honest, but it was always just that – fantasies about your ridiculously attractive friend, which you never considered acting upon. However now, that the offer was on the plate all of your secret fantasies came flooding your mind, shutting out the rational part of your brain and screaming that this was probably the only chance you’d ever get with Jimin. You weren’t dumb, you knew it wouldn’t mean anything and it would be a one-time thing that could possibly fuck up your friendship big time and make things awkward in your friend group… but at the same time your suppressed crush was already awakened and you knew you wanted it to happen, deep inside your subconscious you’ve wanted this to happen ever since you met Jimin, and now he was the one offering. Things don’t have to be awkward if we don’t make it awkward – you tell this to yourself as you roll on the side to face Jimin.

“You would do that for me?” You ask, obviously implying that you didn’t find his offer weird.

“Um… sure? That’s what friends are for,” you would have argued that that’s not what friends are for at all, but your core was already tensing at the idea of what would happen next, so you settled back on your back and gave Jimin a look telling him you would actually take him up on his offer.

“Right now?” Jimin looks at you, then at the door separating the two of you from the rest of the party.

“If we don’t do it now, I don’t think we’ll ever do it,” you laugh and Jimin can’t argue with that. He moves to lock the door and comes back to the bed, still not quite looking like his usual confident self.

“Are you sure you won’t feel weird after this? I know I won’t, but I don’t want to pressure you…” Jimin trails off and you gently grasp his hand, smiling reassuringly.

“It’s not going to be weird if we don’t let it be,” you smile, encouraging both him and yourself and he smiles back at you, moving closer and obviously hesitating where to start.

“Is it okay if we kiss a little? It feels weird diving right in,” Jimin chuckles and you join him, nodding.

He moves to hover above you and places his warm palm on your cheek, the other hand holding his weight above you. You breathe fast, nervous to have his face so close to yours, to feel his warm breath on your lips. Before you know it, the distance is gone and he’s kissing you, just light pecks at first. Soon enough it turns into soft, gentle kisses and you abandon your nerves and kiss him back too. You forget that the situation isn’t exactly romantic so you can’t help the tiny disappointment when he moves away before you can even part your lips for him.

He smiles reassuringly and you see his pretty lips in a whole new light, not that you don’t have to imagine how they feel anymore.

“May I?” Jimin asks as his hands settle on the waist of your jeans.

“Go ahead,” you lift your ass up when he unbuttons your pants and help him shimmy them down your legs, before they end up on the floor.

Jimin’s fingers trace the band of your panties and you’re silently thanking the sex gods for choosing to wear black lace, instead of your comfortable cute cotton ones. Not that you had to impress anyone – you remind yourself.

“Almost seems like you planned to seduce someone tonight,” Jimin comments, as his finger traces patterns on the front of your panties, teasing.

“Well is it working?” You reply cheekily and Jimin laughs, “definitely wasn’t planning on seducing you though,” you add and he feigns hurt, last of his nerves leaving to be replaced with his easy going confidence.

“Wasn’t planning on giving you the orgasm of your life either, but here I am about to do it,” Jimin bites back and you want to argue with his cocky statement, but as soon as you open your mouth he cups your sex firmly, making you shut your lips to suppress a moan. He massages your crotch through the panties before using one finger to slide them to the side and rub it over your opening.

“Fuck,” he mumbles, and you expect him to tease you about being this wet for him, but he does none of that. He slaps your thigh, earning a surprised gasp from you, and you lift your ass up again, to let him rid you of your underwear, with much less patience than when he was taking care of your jeans.

“Open up,” he demands and you don’t even think of arguing as you spread yourself open for Jimin to see.

He settles on his knees between your thighs and grips them tight as he dives in to your pussy. First thing he does is lick all the way up your slit, gathering your juices and humming against you as if he was enjoying the taste.

“You taste really good baby and I’m not just saying that,” Jimin says, looking at you with hooded eyes. All you can do is bite your lip and throw your head back.

“Well I’m not feeling the appeal of oral just yet, babe,” you half lie once you gather your thoughts back, because to be honest, even if you weren’t getting much pleasure from the act itself just yet, the fact that it was Jimin breathing against your pussy, looking nothing short of a sex fantasy, was messing with your hormones in all the right ways.

Instead of biting back, he scoffs and sucks on your entrance one last time before engulfing your clit with his plump lips and sucking hard. You can’t help clenching your walls, because, fuck, it does feel good. He sucks on your clit the way you’d suck on the tip of a dick and inside your head you’re practically shouting ‘fuck yes, this is how you do it!’.

He occasionally rubs his tongue against your clit too but the sucking doesn’t stop until you’re about to start moving your hips against his face, but before you can do that he opens his mouth wider and slides his stiffened tongue inside you, while still mouthing at your clit.

You moan without any shame, because this boy deserves to know exactly what he’s doing to you. Jimin hums against you, and grips your hips, forcing you to pretty much ride his pretty face. You don’t hold back anymore, releasing sounds of pleasure at his every move, his hot wet mouth sucking you, fucking you with his tongue, making you desperate to rub against him for every last bit of friction as your walls start constricting. Jimin grunts against you as he forces his face as hard against you as possible and slaps the side of your ass, and the fact how hot he looks and how hot the situation is, is what drives you over the edge. You grab his hair, holding him close as you ride the wave of your orgasm out, breathless chants of ‘Jimin’ the only thing you can think of to say while your vision blurs and your body tenses and then completely relaxes with the wave of white hot pleasure.

When you start getting sensitive, you let go of Jimin’s messy hair, but instead of moving away, he starts licking up your cum, the wet slurping sounds making you embarrassed, but it seemed like Jimin found this the most normal thing to do. Your thighs trembled and you unintentionally tried to move away because of the sensitivity, but Jimin held you firmly in place until he was done enjoying you. He kissed all the way up your inner thigh to your knee, as he was getting up and it all felt so intimate you had almost forgotten this was supposed to be just meaningless fun, so you couldn’t help your heart sinking with disappointment just a little when instead of holding you or kissing you, Jimin dropped on the bed a foot away beside you and gave you a satisfied smirk.

“So how was it?”

“It was really really good and I understand your ex completely,” you decided to admit, even if you’d feel embarrassed about praising him like this tomorrow, he deserved it.

“Glad to meet one more girl who loves my mouth and doesn’t want to suck my dick,” Jimin jokes but instead of laughing along you bite your lip and clench your thighs together as you roll on the side to face Jimin. It was now or never, and honestly you’ve already crossed the line anyways.

“I want to suck your dick, Jimin,” you admit in all seriousness and Jimin’s laughter dies out. He looks at you, trying to figure out if this was your way of joking.

“Are you serious? Why would you want to suck my dick?” Jimin looked confused and not ready to take you seriously.

“For the same reason you wanted to eat my pussy?” You shoot back, not ready to straight out admit that you just simply want to suck his dick for the sake of it. And because his existence suddenly seems like the hottest thing ever. And because you could probably cum again if he fucked your mouth. No, you weren’t ready to tell him that, and frankly, he didn’t ever need to know.

Jimin still looked like he wasn’t taking you seriously, so you went to search for your ruined panties, put them back on, and then faced him, hands on your hips.

“So? The offer’s not going to stand the forever,” it was your turn to tease him and he scrambled to get up and scoot closer to the edge of the bed.

“Are you serious about this? I mean of course I’d like that, but you really don’t have to…” You smile and move the messy hair away from his forehead with your fingers.

“Now I see what your problem is, you spoil your girls too generously, of course they won’t blow you if you insist it’s not necessary,” you joke and Jimin huffs and catches your hand which was playing with his hair.

“I’m not like this with usually.”

“Oh so am I special?” You could swear Jimin blushed a little as he slapped your thigh annoyed, “besides, this isn’t all for you. I want an honest feedback, because I can never tell if they genuinely enjoy it or just say so in hoped of getting their dick sucked again.”

Jimin finally relaxed, laughing a little, and moved to the very edge of the bed, sitting down with legs wide open.

“Is this position okay?” He asks changing topic and you chuckle as you realize you’d actually made him embarrassed before.

“It will be once you take off your jeans, that shit is difficult,” you both laugh and you sit back on the carpet as he stands up again and strips his jeans off, revealing his toned dancer thighs, that had always tormented you during summer shorts season.

His erection was visible through the dark blue underwear and you were almost drooling once you realized he had a thick cock. You didn’t get girls raving about long dicks, sure it was important to some extent, but what really mattered to you was the girth, and Jimin looked as if he’d stretch you so deliciously good, making you feel completely full.

You had to shake off such thoughts, since you weren’t here for that. It was disappointing that you wouldn’t have Jimin’s pretty dick inside you, but at least you’d be able to taste him, and that thought had you aroused all over again. You clenched your thighs together and got up on your knees between Jimin’s thighs, as he sat down again, looking at you intently and waiting for your move.

You started by teasing just like he did – moving his hoodie out of the way and caressing the skin just above his waistband. The little peak of his tone stomach made you want to lick him all over so you did just that, moving in and following the same path of your fingers with your tongue. You felt Jimin’s muscles tense and took it that he enjoyed that, so you blew cold air on his wet skin and repeated it all over again. Your free hand caressed over his thigh, massaging the muscle and digging your nails in, before releasing and caressing softly again, slowly getting closer to where he wanted your touch the most.

You couldn’t ignore his pretty cock anymore, so you finally caressed him just so softly over the fabric, knowing it was more of a torture than relief for the man.

“Baby,” Jimin grunted and you cocked your head back to look at his frustrated expression, “I didn’t tease you that much.”

“Well, it felt like you did,” you giggled innocently, but gave in and grasped his dick properly this time, jerking it over the material a few times.

You could see a tiny wet spot near the head and you licked over it, as if you’d actually be able to taste it. Jimin brushed your hair away from your face, enjoying the show, but trying to urge you subtly.

“Please,” he whispered and there was something unexplainably hot about him begging you like that. You’ve never expected this to happen but now that it was happening, you wanted to stretch it out as long as possible, never wanting to stop.

Nonetheless, you couldn’t deny Jimin either, so you grasped the band of this underwear and he helped you pull it all the way down.

Once you settled back in your place, his cock was waiting for attention, all pretty, thick and veiny – a stark contrast standing against his black hoodie. You took it near the tip and laid a few tiny kisses on the head, digging your tongue into the slit to taste the precum and earning a hiss from Jimin. You engulfed the tip between your lips and started sucking him lightly, your tongue caressing the smooth skin, digging into it only to caress it softly again. Your sucking got harder and soon enough you started taking more and more of him into your mouth, until he was as far in as comfortably possible, instead of sucking you tightened your lips around him and started fucking him with your mouth, moving your lips halfway off and then taking him in again.

Jimin’s grunts and gasps and tiny whispered praises were getting louder and more desperate so you decided to step it up by grasping his balls and fondling them in your palm, massaging them not entirely softly but not hard enough to hurt. You started sucking again and Jimin’s moan went straight to your pussy. You could feel the wetness pooling between your legs again and couldn’t help rubbing your thighs, trying to get friction as well while you moaned around Jimin’s cock.

You knew it felt really good when Jimin’s hips buckled just slightly, so you started moaning around his dick on purpose, looking Jimin in the eyes as he met your gaze, not daring to look away. You saw his eyes follow your hand as it slipped between your thighs to offer yourself at least a bit of relief. Jimin couldn’t hold back from grasping your hair between his fingers.

“Can I please fuck your mouth?” He asked breathless and instead of moving off his dick to give him an answer, you held onto his hips with both hands and pulled him in closer. He took it as permission and started carefully bucking his hips into your face, while he held your head close. You couldn’t stop moaning, and it wasn’t for Jimin’s pleasure anymore, but because the way he fucked your mouth with his pretty dick was getting you close to cumming again.

“Fuck baby, get off I’m about to cum,” Jimin urged you off his dick and started pumping it with expert moves himself. You’ve never found a man masturbating quite as hot as you did now, waiting for him to shoot his load.

“Cum in my mouth, Jimin,” you said before you could think, but Jimin didn’t have the mind to think much of it as he swore and put the tip of his dick on your stuck out tongue. His cum shot inside your mouth in multiple spurts, letting you taste the weird, slightly salty, slightly sour substance, but all you could think in that moment was how hot it was. You sucked his tip until Jimin whined in sensitivity and then you let him go and surprised the man by swallowing everything. It wasn’t that you enjoyed this kind of thing, you just really enjoyed doing this with his cum.

Jimin’s head dropped back and he swore again, as you rested your head on his thigh and chuckled.

“Not to make it weird, but you have a really pretty dick,” you chuckled, caressing the soft skin of his thigh, marked with pink scratches from your groping.

“You just sucked my soul out through my dick, nothing can make this weird at this point,” Jimin laughed and finally looked at you again, meeting your eyes with an emotion, you couldn’t quite put your finger on, “come here,” he whispered and even though you didn’t get what he meant, your body followed with a will of its own.

Jimin led you to straddle his lap and you would’ve thought about how close his softening dick was to your clothed core, but your thoughts were swept clean when Jimin held your face in his palms and just kissed you. No questions asked, no explanations needed, he just kissed you, and you hugged his head close as you kissed him back. It was more intense than the first time, but it was more meaningful too, and you thought you could describe it best as being honest. It felt like you both abandoned any thoughts or worries and just let yourselves fully indulge what you wanted. Open mouths, hot breaths, wet sounds, the taste of Jimin – your thoughts were a mess of all those things tangling together, as Jimin pulled you closer and closer against himself and you both couldn’t, didn’t want to stop. You kissed him the way you’d kiss someone you love and if your mind was working, the thought would have scared the shit out of you, but your mind was just Jimin, Jimin, Jimin.

“Fuck me Jimin,” you whispered against his swollen lips without any fear of rejection, because in that moment there was no doubt Jimin was just as lost in you as you were in him. He moved you away just a little to take your sweater off, followed by your bra, and for that moment you chose to lie to yourself and allow yourself to pretend he was yours and you were his.

You tried to take off his hoodie too but he beat you to it and threw away the last piece of clothing, which was separating you, himself. He admired your body and instead of feeling self-conscious under his stare, you felt precious, pretty and soft. And Jimin himself was gorgeous beyond what you had imagined. This was supposed to be meaningless sex between friends, but it felt like the most meaningful sex you would ever have and it was both scary and exciting at the same time.

Jimin kissed you again, kissed your neck until it was pink all over and then kissed you some more, his hands soft on the skin of your back, your breasts, your tummy, your ass, your thighs, as he jostled you up, over his dick, which was standing hard again.

“May I?” He asked and you nodded, sealing his lips with a kiss again, as he buried his dick inside you, stretching you even better than you predicted. You moaned and hugged him close, overwhelmed with the sudden feeling of fullness, and Jimin was patient with you, waiting for you to move first, even when you could feel how tense with need he was. You kissed his neck along the protruding vein, only for Jimin to catch your lips again, kissing you with a smile. You held onto his shoulders as you finally circled your hips and the sweet pleasure got you bucking into Jimin right away. He sat propped on one hand as the other was playing with your breast, licking his lips while he let you desperately rut against him, pleased with how much you enjoyed having his dick inside you. Once your movements turned to slow, deep grinding, Jimin’s hand grasped your ass tightly and he started fucking up into you, his movements much harder and sharper than yours and you choked on his name, face contorted in pleasure, hidden in Jimin’s neck where you distracted yourself by sucking on his salty skin.

“Fuck baby, does it feel good?” Jimin grumbled, turning his head to look for your lips again.

“So so good Jiminie, you fuck me so good,” you mumbled against his lips, the kiss a mess of lips and tongue and teeth, gasps and moans tangled in between.

Jimin fucked you hard, tirelessly pumping all the way in and soon enough your body tensed all around him, your tightened walls forcing a loud moan out of him, followed by your chants of ‘Jiminie, fuck’.

Jimin carefully fucked you through your orgasm and once you relaxed completely, he laid you down on the bed. You wrapped your wobbly legs around him, as he entered you again and not waiting for anything he started pumping hard right away, harder than he could have from beneath you. He sucked on your neck and you kissed his ear, whispering in it.

“Cum for me Jiminie, cum inside me, I want you to fill me up so bad,” your dirty talk got him moaning your name and a few more strokes in he froze, spilling his cum inside you and settling his body weight on yours. The weight felt comfortable and you felt like you were glowing as you stroked Jimin’s hair, feeling his cum trickle out of you as he pulled out. You clenched your walls trying to keep it in for a bit longer and were surprised when Jimin rubbed over your pussy, catching the cum that had slipped out and rubbing it all over your sex.

“Fuck you’re so hot, you have no idea,” he grumbled before stealing your breath away with a kiss, possibly the most desperate one you had shared, and his desperation reminded you that it was the last one you’d share, so you poured all of your most secret feelings into it, hoping that by the time morning came, they would all be gone.

You spent the night at Jimin’s, cuddling in your sleep, only to find the bed empty in the morning, Jimin having already left for his dance practice. You weren’t surprised and you didn’t expect anything else, but you couldn’t help the tiny seed of disappointment when he didn’t even text you the next day, and the next one, and the whole following week. You didn’t text much before that – you reminded yourself when you went to have a movie night with your group of friends the next weekend. All would have been well if he had treated you the same as before, however you couldn’t shake the feeling that he was avoiding you, never staying alone with you, never looking at you longer than a second, sitting as far away from you as possible.

You weren’t particularly hurt, you never allowed yourself want anything more with him to begin with, but what bothered you was the fact that you went ahead and slept with a friend and now it was awkward in your friend group. You promised each other not to make it weird and he went ahead and started avoiding you. You’d only be lying to yourself if you said it didn’t make you at least a bit angry with Jimin, but if that was the way he wanted to deal with it, then fine. Two could play that game.

Every time you hung out with your friends you made sure to not even look in Jimin’s direction, let alone speak with him. It wasn’t particularly difficult considering there were more than ten people in your group when everyone gathered, and you usually hung out with Tae, Jungkook and Lisa the most anyways.

It was a month later during a bonfire at Hoseok’s place that your friends started catching onto something. There was a bunch of people and while most of them were dancing by the pool, you were hanging out with Jennie on the lounge chairs, on the opposite side of water.

“So I never got to ask you,” Jennie started, changing the topic from your philosophy homework.

“About what?”

“Remember that last party at the guys’ frat house?” She was playing with a bottle of beer in her hands and you couldn’t quite understand why she’d bring that up now.

“Sure, what about it?”

“You went with Jimin to his room and didn’t come out for the rest of the night,” it was more of a statement than a question, but you already expected everyone would have noticed.

“Yeah, I slept over in his room?” You urged her to get to the point, oblivious to what she could be getting at, since there was no way anyone would suspect things that actually happened. Or so you believed, at least.

“Did something happen?” Your expression must have been one of shock, because she was quick to clarify, “I mean, did you two fight or something? The last month I just can’t help but feel like you two are avoiding each other, and it’s not just me that feels like that, if I’m being honest…”

“Jennie… nothing happened, okay? I don’t know why you guys would think that, but we’re not avoiding each other at all!” You lied and you weren’t sure if Jennie was buying it, so you added, “we just really didn’t have much to talk about, so I guess that might be why we don’t try to interact that much?”

Lies, blatant lies. Jennie however seemed to believe you, she just looked slightly disappointed for some reason.

“That’s weird, we all thought you two would click well…” She smiled as if shaking negative thoughts away and sipped away at her beer, but her words got you curious.

“’We’? You guys talk about me and Jimin?” Jennie chuckled embarrassed and for a moment it looked like she was torn whether to tell you something or not.

“Well, I know we shouldn’t talk behind your back, buuuut… we all kinda thought that there was some sexual tension between you and Jimin, pretty much ever since we started hanging out. I’m pretty sure there was even something about Yoongi blurting out that Jimin has a crush on you, but granted he was wasted at the time, so we didn’t talk about it…” Jennie trailed off looking at you for a reaction, but you were honestly really confused. Sure, you had a crush on Jimin for the longest time, but you never allowed yourself to actually like him, and sure as hell you never thought Jimin would have a crush on you. Never has he ever acted that way towards you – that’s exactly what you told Jennie too.

“Sorry, I just think you guys looked too deep into this. If anything we were always just a tiny bit awkward, definitely not sexual tension.” Jennie’s expression was slightly amused as if she was disagreeing with you but chose to not comment and you took a huge sigh, before kicking her leg and stealing her beer, making you both laugh.

After that the conversation went back to lectures and homework and the cute boy from psychology class that Jennie was low key stalking this past week. Your gaze wandered to the other side of the pool, where Hoseok and Lisa were laughing their asses off at Jungkook and Taehyung slow dancing together to bass heavy dance music. However your smile faded once your eyes landed on a familiar body, its fluid dance moves and the way another body was pressed into it. Jimin was dancing with a pretty brunette, who you knew was from his dance class. Well, you weren’t sure if it could have still been called dancing, since they were basically just humping each other, her ass against his crotch, his hands on her hips, his lips by her ear, whispering something that they both smiled about.

You turned away, suddenly feeling sick and that made you so angry at yourself. What was your problem? It wasn’t the first time Jimin found a gorgeous girl to woo, and it wouldn’t be the last, how could you allow yourself to be affected by that? You knew this ugly feeling was jealousy, you weren’t naïve enough to deny it, but you were furious for feeling it, because you never allowed yourself to like him, to expect anything from him. Whatever crush you had, you had buried it before it could become an actual thing, and now you felt like you played yourself, because as much as you told yourself the sex didn’t mean anything or didn’t change anything, it was now obvious that it wasn’t the case. Suddenly the thought of Jimin fucking other girls without a second thought about you was making you sick and you couldn’t deny that deep down, even if you didn’t expect anything, you wanted him to think about you, to think about that night. You wanted him to at least give you a second thought before moving on with his life, and you knew it was selfish and not fair, because he didn’t owe you anything, but in that moment it was just too hard to deal with your ugly feelings.

So you did, what you would always do when your feelings were hurt – act out to show them.

You dragged Jennie to the makeshift dance floor and the both of you mingled in between the bodies. It took you a minute of swaying hips and hands in your hair before a pair of hands settled on your waist, a warm body dancing behind you, just close enough to be suggestive but not too close for comfort. You turned around to be met face to face with Mingyu, Jungkook’s friend. A younger hot dude eager for your approval? Just what you needed, you thought as your arms wound around his neck and you started moving along with him.

Just past Mingyu’s shoulder your eyes met with Jimin’s and if he was surprised to see you, he didn’t show it. The way his face contorted every time the girl would grind her ass into him told you he was hard and that was what prompted you to step closer to Mingyu, almost grinding against his hip while his palms carefully settled on your ass.

It went on like that for a couple songs and you could tell Mingyu was hard, he was leaning into you, whispering how good you looked and how nice your body was, and any other day you would have enjoyed it, but today your head just wasn’t into it. You would try to catch glimpses of Jimin, curious whether he was looking and disappointed to always find him focused on his partner.

You knew that what you were doing was plain stupid and kind of unfair to Mingyu, but before you could decide to stop it all and just grab a drink your eyes caught Jimin’s figure again and this time he was holding the girl in his arms, making out.

Flashbacks of what it felt like to kiss him, to have him hold you, ran through your mind, and before you could help it, you hid your face in the crook of Mingyu’s neck. For all you knew from the side it would look like you were kissing him, but in reality you were trying with all you had not to burst out crying, because, fuck, you had feelings for Jimin.

You heard Mingyu asking whether everything was okay and once you moved away from him, you managed to catch a glimpse of Jimin leading the girl by her hand inside the house.

You took a deep breath and put on a fake but truly apologetic smile, before excusing yourself, telling Mingyu you were suddenly not feeling that well. You truly felt sorry, because he took care of you like the nice guy he is, making sure you were with safe with Jennie, before going back to the party people.

“Do you want to go inside? You should probably lie down if you’re feeling sick, there must be a few empty bedrooms upstairs. Do you feel nauseous?” You were barely hearing Jennie, your thoughts running wild against your will, imagining the things Jimin was probably doing to the girl one of the bedrooms right now, the things he did to you.

“No Jennie, it’s okay, I’ll be fine, but I should probably go home and sleep it off,” you reassure her while already looking for an uber.

Jennie is reluctant to let you go alone, so you try to convince her you’ll be fine, all the way to the inside, where you needed to pick up your jacket.

“But are you really sure? Do you even have any medicine at home? Maybe you should go to the ER just in case?”

“Now you’re really overreacting,” you huff, picking up your jacket and giving her a meaningful look, which makes her smile sheepishly.

Suddenly her gaze focuses behind you, and you turn around only to be met with the sight of Jimin and his girl at the bottom of the staircase, both of their lips pink and swollen as if they had just stopped kissing.

“Are you not feeling well?” Jimin asks, surprising you, but in a second the surprise turns to anger and you clench your fist, trying to hold back from saying something you would regret later.

“I’m fine.” You tell him and look at your phone, “my uber is here, I’ll text you when I come back,” you tell Jennie, while hugging her and hurry out the door.

Your uber was still a few blocks away, but you didn’t want to stand there third wheeling Jimin’s hook up. Or was it a date? You’d rather not know, and it didn’t change anything anyways.

You were left to face the fact that you had feelings for one of your friends, and you had no idea how to deal with them.

Your idea of dealing with feelings turned out to be distancing yourself and avoiding Jimin at all costs, even if it meant you started skipping out on hanging out with your other friends too.

It didn’t take long for Jennie to figure out that you weren’t exactly sick, but rather something else was wrong, however once you refused to talk about it she agreed to give you some time to figure out yourself.

Jimin must have told your other friends that you were sick, because they started bombarding you with concerned messages and wishes to get well soon. You replied as vaguely as possible and made Jennie promise not to tell anyone you were never sick to begin with. There was only one message you didn’t reply to.

Jimin [9:35] How are you feeling?

Jimin [9:40] I hope you’re feeling better today.

Jimin [9:53] Get well soon.

One week turned into two, two into three, and eventually a month. Your friends weren’t stupid and they were catching on that something was up. You would hang out with them separately, but not when they all gathered as a group. Taehyung asked you about it and Jungkook seemed to have a feeling about what was going on too. Even Namjoon, who was usually really oblivious to such things, sent you a text asking you whether you had fought with Jimin. Eventually Jennie was the first one to actually confront you.

“There is something with you and Jimin isn’t there?” She demanded to know one evening when you two were hanging out at your place together. You didn’t want to lie, but telling the truth would mean risking the whole friendship dynamics in your group… However wasn’t that already in jeopardy since the moment you started bailing on your friends?

You made Jennie swear she’d keep it to herself, before telling her.

“I slept with Jimin.”

You imagined she would be more surprised but she took it quite well.

“Wow. When?”

“At that frat party a couple months ago.”

“Thought so.” It was your turn to choke on your words and slap Jennie once she burst out laughing.

“So what’s the big deal? Was he bad? Is that why you’re avoiding him?” Jennie tried to laugh and keep everything light hearted and you appreciated that because it made it easier to talk about.

“No, that’s not it. At first it was just kind of awkward and I didn’t quite know how to act around him, but it changed after Hoseok’s bonfire. Besides, it’s not just me avoiding him – he avoids me too!” Jennie shakes her head at the last part, amused.

“He might have avoided you at first, but now he actually asks about you quite often,” you give Jennie a highly doubtful expression and she shrugs letting you believe whatever you want. “So what changed after the bonfire, except for the fact that that you avoid Jimin like plague?”

“I realized I have feeling for him.”

“Oh. Ooooooh. Well everything makes sense then. Wow.” Jennie looked shocked to say the least and you could practically see the gears turning in her head, probably re-analyzing all of the times you were with Jimin. “Wow, I’m so sorry you had to see him with Mina…”

“Mina?”

“The girl from the bonfire… No wonder you faked sick…” You push back the unpleasant memory, together with the urge to ask Jennie if Jimin kept meeting that Mina girl. It was better to not know.

“Yeah well, no need to feel sorry, I’m the one stupid enough to catch feelings for someone who’d never reciprocate, and a friend nonetheless.”

“Well I wouldn’t say never-,“ you stopped Jennie before she could finish the sentence.

“No, just don’t. The less false hopes the faster I’ll get over this and get back to hanging out around him again.”

“If that’s what you want, I’ll help you however I can.” Jennie promised as she hugged you.

“That’s the only thing I can want.”

Jimin had messaged you a couple times about random things and to ask whether you’d come hang out with everyone, and you knew it was really childish of you to do so, but you didn’t reply at all or only texted him ‘no’ to the invitations. You expected him to let it go and forget about it, but yet again, you were wrong.

Jimin [7:56] We need to talk.

Jimin [7:56] And by we I mean you and me both, not just me.

Jimin [7:57] So I’m going to spam your phone until you reply.

Jimin [8:11] Have it your way

Jimin [8:11] :)

Jimin [8:11] :)

Jimin [8:11] :)

Jimin [8:11] :)

Jimin [8:11] :)

You [8:12] I’ll block you.

Jimin [8:12] SHE TALKS

You [8:12] Not funny

Jimin [8:13] Not trying to be funny

Jimin [8:13] We need to talk

Jimin [8:14] And if you block me I’ll come over

You [8:14] There’s nothing to talk about

Jimin [8:15] The fact that you’re saying this means you know there’s something to talk about

You [8:16] No, I just really have nothing to say to you

Jimin [8:16] Well I have a lot to say to you

Jimin [8:16] First of all, what the fuck with the avoiding and ignoring?

You [8:17] Don’t act like you didn’t avoid me first

Jimin [8:17] It was right after we fucked!!!! I didn’t know how to act around you

Jimin [8:18] It’s been months now and you’re still avoiding me and in turn all of our friends too

Jimin [8:18] Wtf happened to “it won’t get weird”?

You [8:19] Wow I’m so sorry I fuck everything up, I’m a horrible friend and I don’t think about consequences before doing something. Sue me.

Jimin [8:20] You know it’s not about what we did but how you’re acting about it

You [8:20] Well for me it’s about what we did

Jimin [8:20] Do you regret it that much?

You [8:21] We shouldn’t have done it.

Jimin [8:21] Do you regret it?

You [8:31] No

You [8:31] But I regret the way I feel about it

Jimin [8:32] ?

You [8:32] I’m not going to elaborate

Jimin [8:32] Well I want to understand?

You [8:33] What does it even matter to you? Your life went on perfectly after that, why are you suddenly digging into this? I’ll deal with my feelings and go back to normal once I’m done.

Jimin [8:34] Feelings?

You [8:34] Drop it

Jimin [8:34] Don’t want to

You [8:35] It’s none of your concern

Jimin [8:37] But it IS!!! You act like you’re the only one affected and I just woke up the next morning like nothing happened! I didn’t fucking know how to act around you and avoided you like an idiot for fucks sake and then you avoided me too and I thought you just wanted some space so I tried to back off and live my life like I used to, but fuck it doesn’t mean everything WAS like it used to be

You [8:38] What do you mean?

Jimin [8:39] It’s none of your concern J

You [8:39] Jimin.

Jimin [8:39] That’s my name.

You [8:40] Fuck Jimin, what do you want from me???

Jimin [8:40] I want to know why the fuck you’re avoiding me like this??? I haven’t fucking SEEN you since Hoseok’s bonfire

You [8:41] Well you sure weren’t looking at ME at the bonfire

Jimin [8:41] …

Jimin [8:41] Are you fucking kidding me?

Jimin [8:42] Did you even have time to check what I was looking at while you were busy grinding on Mingyu’s dick?

You [8:42] That’s literally none of your business

Jimin [8:43] You literally started first

You [8:43] There’s a difference between dancing with somebody and leaving the party to fuck them

Jimin [8:43] I didn’t fuck her

You [8:44] Sure you didn’t

Jimin [8:44] And if I did that’s still none of your business

You [8:44] You’re right

Jimin [8:45] So what the fuck is your problem with me?

You [8:45] It’s nothing

Jimin [8:46] Well clearly it’s not?

You [8:46] I’m sorry for acting immature, it’s my personal issues, it’s not your fault. I’ll try to handle myself better and stop avoiding you. I’m sorry.

Jimin [8:48] …you know this is not what I wanted. You don’t have to apologize for anything, I just want to understand what’s going on?

You [8:48] Please Jimin, leave me alone, it’s not you, it’s me.

Jimin [8:49] I don’t believe this has nothing to do with me

Jimin [8:50] Please

Jimin [8:51] Just talk to me

Jimin [8:52] Did I hurt your feelings?

Jimin [8:53] What did I do?

You [8:54] You didn’t do anything, I hurt my own feelings

Jimin [8:54] What do you mean? Please, baby, just tell me what’s wrong?

You [8:55] Don’t call me like that, I’m not your baby

Jimin [8:55] Obviously.

You [8:55] ?

Jimin [8:56] Just… maybe it’s really the best for us to not hang out anymore

Jimin [8:56] I’m sorry we fucked

You [8:57] Oh

You [8:57] I’m sorry we fucked too

Jimin [10:33] You know what, this is bullshit

You [10:34] ?

Jimin [10:34] Open up

Your doorbell rang and you refused to believe that he was actually there. Didn’t he already say all he had to say? You rubbed away the salty tear trails from your face, as you got out of bed and went to open the door.

And there he was – ripped jeans showing off his pretty thighs, hoodie and sweaterpaws making him look adorable, and messy hair and plump lips, making him look illegal.

You swallowed down your feelings as you stepped away to let him in, not wanting your neighbors to overhear anything.

“First of all I didn’t mean the last messages, I’m sorry I was just being petty,” Jimin started before you could even close the door.

“You could have said it all over messages, why bother coming here?” You refused to look at him, as you chose to lean on your door, determined to keep this in the hallway.

“Because I don’t think this is the kind of conversation we should be having over the messages. Besides, it’s not like you were giving me any answers anyways,” Jimin got comfortable leaning against the wall across from you.

“What makes you think I’ll give you any answers like this?”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk. I will,” Jimin took a deep breath and looked into your eyes with newfound determination, “I talked to Jennie.”

To say you were shocked would be an understatement. You tried to control your expressions, but hiding the panic stricken look in your eyes proved to be difficult.

“What did you talk to her about?” You still had hope Jennie managed to keep your secret, but the fact that Jimin brought her up was pointing in the opposite direction.

“About you. And before you get angry at her, she had a good reason to tell me what she did,” Jimin looked genuinely concerned for Jennie, and for a good reason – you weren’t sure if you wanted to scream at her, or stop talking to her altogether. Now there was almost no doubt about what she told him, she must have spilled the beans.

“What did she tell you?” You asked nonetheless, still hoping beyond hope to be wrong.

“I know you have feelings for me,” you were about to turn around and walk out the door, when Jimin caught you by the forearms with a small ‘u-uh’ and held you in place.

“If you know that already then what the fuck more do you want to hear from me?” You asked, avoiding his eyes.

“That’s the thing - I needed to hear that from you, not from Jennie,” Jimin tried to catch your eyes but you were adamant about looking elsewhere, “the only reason she told me in the first place, was because I was the first one to tell her I have feelings for you. Still, I couldn’t completely believe her until I heard you say it yourself…” Jimin trailed off, and contrary to a few seconds before, you were staring him dead in the eyes now, looking for a sign that he was joking, or that you misheard him. You couldn’t think of anything to say, and it got Jimin smiling sheepishly, letting go of one of your arms to rub the back of his neck almost shyly.

“Yes, I have feelings for you. I did even before we had sex, but back then it was just a crush that I could control. It got worse after I actually got a glimpse of what it would feel like to have you. That’s why I was trying to act like nothing happened and move on – I felt like an idiot for liking you that much, when you’d never feel the same way…” Jimin trailed off with a small awkward chuckle, “please say something?”

You released the breath you didn’t realize you were holding, and let out a small humorless laugh.

“What is there to say Jimin?” You looked him in the eyes and he flinched like he just got shot, which made you shake your head at him and smile, as you carefully laid your palm on the side of his face.

“May I kiss you?”

Jimin only looked shocked for a second, before he closed all the distance between the two of you and claimed your lips with his, all the hesitation and doubts and fears melting away by the second. It wasn’t the most intense kiss that you two had shared, but it was hands down the most meaningful. Jimin liked you. Jimin had feelings for you. This sweet man who could talk to you throughout the night, who could make you drown in pleasure, who could shield you from the world with his warmth – this man was standing here spilling his hear out, and you’d be a fool to not do the same.

Once the soft touches of your lips ceased and you two separated just enough to stare at each other’s faces fondly, you both burst out into stupid grins.

“So I take it Jennie wasn’t lying,” Jimin whispered with a soft smile, moving a strand of hair away from your face.

“I want to be mad at her so badly, but it’s really hard to be mad at anyone when you’re holding me like this,” you confessed softly and Jimin cradled you even closer to his body, letting you nose at his neck, taking in the smell of his skin.

“I won’t let you go on three conditions,” you could hear the smile in his voice, and decided to go along.

“And what are those?”

“First, you have to actually tell me yourself how you feel about it,” you laughed and nodded in agreement.

“Second?”

“Second, I get to call you my girlfriend,” you burst out laughing and pulled back to see his glowing smile.

“That can be arranged, as long as I get to call you my boyfriend. And what’s the third condition?”

Jimin leaned his forehead against yours, and pecked your lips lightly.

“Third… I’m staying over tonight.”

[backtothestart02]

Human Error - Chapter 1

Tagging @champagneholland, my standalone fan for this fic (thank you for your enthusiasm always! lol).

*Many thanks to @valeriemperez for beta’ing.

Chapter 1 -

He thought it would be easier than it was to see her again. As the years passed, he’d been able to dwell on Oxford without immediately associating it with the horrendous riot club. Becoming consumed by his studies and his future had turned out to be the right solution. This past holiday, unlike the one two years prior, he’d engaged in conversation with nearly everyone at the annual Richards Christmas party. He talked about Oxford, his studies, the career path he had all planned out. He’d gotten better too at maintaining neutral conversations with his parents’ prized bride for him, Stephanie Bellington. He was so good at conducting them that, in so many words, he’d gotten the message across that he was never going to choose her himself.

As a whole, Miles Richards felt the past two years had done him good. He’d separated himself completely from those who had – intentionally or not – almost ruined him. He was making his family proud and behaving appropriately. He was putting that first semester behind him and never looking back.

Yet there she was, her snug fitting jeans, cute fuzzy boots and plaid jacket set to shades of toned down purple and gray. Her hair now cut into a little bob that a sliver of a headband fit neatly into. Her smile almost reached her eyes as one of the girls beside her made a joke in the conversation and it sent a stab of pain to his insides, making his stomach flip over. She was still as gorgeous as ever, still impossible to look away from, and still the reminder of everything awful he’d ever done.

Miles forced himself to look away and headed into the building for his first class in the last semester of his Oxford career.

But not seeing her right in front of him solved nothing. He heard her words in his head as if they had happened yesterday.

“You were there. You had a choice, Miles. You chose to do nothing.”

He tried to clear his head of those words, of that painful memory, but only worse, more painful memories came to take its place. That night at the restaurant. That poor, innocent man being beaten to almost the point of death. The fear and panic that had him shaking and unaware of what would happen first, throwing up or passing out. Fate wasn’t merciful to him that night, because neither happened. The closest thing he’d done to something good was making the police suspect all of them because he hadn’t told the lie that he’d been ordered to, that the restaurant manager had simply fallen.

Physically he didn’t contribute to the man’s wounds, and not verbally or emotionally either. Nothing in him had wanted that man to be tortured and mutilated the way he was. But restraining himself from even voicing that opinion hurt him. Who knew how much less that man might have endured if he’d spoken up? Maybe Lauren’s declaration towards him wouldn’t have been quite so severe, because then he would have been pleading only for her, not for her assistance. A thousand things could have gone down differently if he had had enough courage to act on the horror he felt watching the boys he’d thought were his friends torturing an innocent man.

None of this had been easy to get past. It still haunted him to this day. But when he saw Lauren again, it hit him head on.

It wasn’t as if he set out to see her – just the opposite. She’d more or less threatened to ruin him if he so much as stepped an inch in her direction. From day one he’d wanted nothing more than to win her back, to apologize and somehow make amends for the unspeakable trauma he’d put her through. It didn’t matter that he never meant to. It didn’t matter that he’d been a fool and an ass with every word that had come jumbled out of his mouth that night. It didn’t matter that he was as scarred by his inability to save her from his so-called friends as she was by the attack she’d been under.

None of it mattered, because in the end his feelings were insignificant. They were driven by pure selfishness – the desire to be accepted, the expectation of a stainless reputation, the need to have her in his life. The fact that, even though he’d known just how royally he screwed up, he still assumed she’d forgive him – that he had that right. He was entitled to her forgiveness.

He wasn’t.

If he could do any of it over, he’d undo everything and do it this time the right way. He wouldn’t assume he was the moral compass in a group of seemingly harmless pranksters. Because actions spoke louder than words, even the act of doing nothing.

Ripping himself from the past he knew he’d never fully escape from, he refocused on the large domed hallway he was walking down and started to scan the doorways for the appropriate classroom number. Having been there as long as he had, it was still easy to not know where you were going. Oxford was huge, bigger than any establishment he’d visited, surprisingly. Miles knew who was in what dorm and where events were held, or large public areas that were often frequented – the courtyards, library, cafeteria… He knew where those were. But individual classrooms were often just a little bit fuzzy.

A few more doors down though and he thought he was nearing the correct room. Until he heard a familiar sound, identical to the one he’d heard before he stepped into the building. He stopped, and hesitantly looked in the direction of the feminine accent. It had ceased. He didn’t catch her eye, but he knew who it was. He quickly looked down at the sheet of paper in his hand that listed his class schedule for the final semester. Then he looked back up where the number was etched on top of the doorway. He looked back and forth between both paper and stone numbers but there was no denying it. Just as there was no denying the petite brunette figure that quickly stepped inside the room before he could think to move his feet in the same direction.

A chill raced down his spine and he felt unbelievably warm. Sweat formed in droplets on his forehead and the tie around his neck suddenly felt unbearably tight.

By some miracle, he snapped out of his heightened senses and forced himself to start walking, right into the room Lauren had just entered.

For the first time since their first semester at Oxford they would be sharing a class. They would be in closer proximity than they’d ever been since they’d gone their separate ways.

Miles didn’t have the slightest idea of what to expect. He only knew he was doomed and he saw no way of undoing that curse.

…

 “Miles Richards,” the man, declaring himself Professor Irons, evenly called out. Another name down his roster of students.

Miles raised his hand, but it was futile. His new professor had his eyes glued to his list.

“Miles Richards,” he called out again.

Miles restrained himself from a sigh or a groan or a grumble, or any form of complaint really.

“Here,” he said.

Professor Irons made no vocal response. Just a swift check with his pen and he was on to the next student.

“Lauren Small,” he continued, and Miles froze.

He’d known it would happen. They were in the same class and her last name directly followed his alphabetically. But he’d heard only muffled chatter from her at a distance with her friends. Nothing clear or concise, nothing close by.

Her “present,” studious as ever, sent a jolt right through him. He felt light-headed, buzzed, and absolutely terrified.

Would she look back at him? Would she pretend he didn’t exist? Would she drop out of the class? Would she expect him to? Would he be able to pass this class at all with all of this weighing on him every moment it was in session?

“Good.” Professor Irons looked up and smiled at her, which made Miles frown, since every student before he’d neglected to so much as respond to.

He assured himself that it might be just that Lauren’s name was last on the list. Instead Professor Irons continued on till he’d reached a Charles Ziekler, ten names later.

There was no doubt in his mind that if it was between him and Lauren dropping out of class, it would be him.

“Well, students,” the professor resumed. “Welcome to Psychology 406 – or otherwise known as the class you must pass in order to graduate. I am the only one who teaches it, and this is the only time slot it is available.”

Miles felt his whole body overheat again as his heart plunged into his stomach and bile rose up his throat.

“You may be asking yourself,” he began, slowly walking across the long expanse of the front of the classroom. “There are thousands of final year students here. All of them can’t possibly fit in this one room.” He stopped moving and talking, pausing reflectively before somehow making eye contact with everyone sitting before him.

“You would be correct in your assumptions. However…” He started to walk again, turning when he got to the window and going back the way he’d come. “This class is not only available in the finale semester. It is available any semester you choose to take it. No doubt you all saw it as a requirement and figured you’d leave it till the last possible moment, thinking it would not matter or amount to much.”

He was almost to the wall by the door when he stopped again. This time he smiled almost maliciously when he addressed the crowd.

“In that, my fellow students, you would be wrong.”

He returned to the podium and flipped through some books, both for reading and writing respectively. He sighed and smiled contentedly when he reached the page he was seeking, and when he looked up at them all with that bright smile accompanied by a cool exterior, Miles once again sensed the oncoming disaster.

“This class will test your knowledge,” he began again. “But it will also test your skills, your ability to research and present. You’ve done those things in other classes, but in this one you will also have to prove your ability to work with others – even those with whom you don’t associate well.” Miles swallowed hard. “I will choose a partner for each of you that you cannot refuse. And by that I do not mean your heart will be overflowing for love for this person. I’m hoping it will be the contrary. No, your inability to refuse is based solely on the fact that my decision is final and your only way out of it is dropping the class and staying on an extra semester so you can take my class again, at least for you seniors.” He looked down at his books on the podium again, flipping through pages, appearing almost bored. “I would not advise the latter, but it is of course up to you.”

Miles sank farther into his seat. He glanced up to where Lauren sat three seats back and four rows over and told him he should feel comforted by the fact that she was fidgeting a little. But it didn’t. It only made him more on edge, because who knew what she would decide to do now?

The professor’s voice faded as if it were being spoken from a distance. In Miles head, every word was effectively blocked except for an occasional one or two that his subconscious must’ve somehow known would be important.

A full string of words stood out and made everything worse. Made both his and Lauren’s hands clench around their desk. Miles thought his heart stopped beating for a moment. He wondered if she’d had the same sensation.

“Miles Richards and Lauren Small. You will be the first set of partners. For every project for the duration of the semester, you will be put together and expected to do extraordinarily well. I will be the judge of that, of course.”

“Mister—Professor Irons, I really don’t think—” Lauren tried to interject, but it was a lost cause and Miles guessed she probably knew it.

“Miss Small, I believe I made it clear before that I was choosing the partners and there would be no refusals, else you take my class in a future semester.”

She slumped back into her chair, having been as straight and tall as her small frame could manage only a moment earlier.

“Yep, Professor,” she murmured.

The kindly look Professor Irons had bestowed on her when she’d first responded during role call had turned into one of annoyance and disappointment. He continued on with his list though, and no more objections were made.

At the end of the class period, an excruciating hour and a half later, Miles wanted nothing more than to race out of that class and never see it again until it was absolutely necessary. But Lauren was before him before he could even get out of his desk.

“Miles,” she said, addressing him in the most professional capacity he was sure she could muster.

He kept his mouth shut but focused entirely on her, reminding himself not to drown too much in her eyes or feel too much joy just from the sound of his name on her lips or tempt himself with the memory of what her hair felt like slipping through his fingers, soft as silk.

“I have not forgotten what I told you.” She looked away and it tore at him, as if she was disgusted just to be near him. “And I…I appreciate that you have respected my wishes.” She looked back at him, her eyes somewhat softened and yet still with shadows colder than ice. He wished he could tell what she was thinking.

“Even if it was done for completely selfish reasons.”

She was holding back a scoff. That much he could tell. She was holding back a lecture and a slap too. He saw her jittery fingers form fists at her sides. He felt pang of guilt and also fear on many levels.

“That being said,” she forged on. “It is obvious that neither of us can get out of the predicament we are now in. While I would very much like to force you to drop the class, regardless of what that would mean for your reputation or your family’s opinion of you, since certainly you could afford the tuition…” She held back another scoff.

He deserved a scoff though. He wished he could tell her she could scoff at him without making her angrier than she clearly was.

“We are just going to have to put aside our differences for the sake of this one class. You cannot be mute in this situation because then I will carry the majority of the burden of every project I take on, and I certainly do not deserve that. I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, and I refuse to let this be the reason my grade in what is obviously the most important class of my university experience might be lowered. You should speak,” she insisted. “We will get through this in one piece if we follow the one guideline I know will ensure it.”

He just stared at her waiting, still too unnerved to speak.

“When we speak, it will be only about whatever projects we must cover together in this class. If there need to be excessive conversations so that something is done well, fine, but any other topic that comes up from your doing will be the end of our little truce. It certainly will not affect me if your sins come to light.”

His lips parted, but she had turned to leave before he could even straighten in his seat, not another word addressed in his direction. He watched her leave and was torn between aching need, fierce admiration and absolute terror.

“Mister Richards.”

His head swerved quickly in the direction of his professor’s voice.

“There’s another class in here in five minutes.”

He said no more but his stern gaze spoke volumes. Miles muttered something indistinct under his breath, gathered up his things and went out into the hall. He looked both ways, but Lauren was no longer there. She had to have disappeared into the masses of students now passing him in the halls.

He made no effort to find her, only followed the most open path until he reached the outdoors. Feeling on the brink of a panic attack, he walked quickly to the building across the courtyard and went inside. He found the stairs leading to the roof and went all the way.

His place of release, or relaxation, of clearing his head. The only place he could escape whatever worries plagued his mind or dragged down his soul.

The rooftop he’d shared with Lauren in the late afternoon of move-in day their first semester, swapping stories and backgrounds and barely stifling the obvious attraction between them – she more successful than he.

It should have been a haunted place for him, somewhere he never wanted to go again. Because they hadn’t just spent that one afternoon there, but several. They’d had moments here that burned brighter every time he returned. He should’ve wanted to erase those memories, forget they ever existed.

But he couldn’t. Those times were etched forever within him; the only warmth in the sea of bitter cold that infused the last three years of his life.

*Also posted on AO3 and FFnet.

[littlelllusionmachine]

I think the last time I was genuinely happy was the first two years of my college experience, which puts us at about 2007-2009. 

When I was a kid, it was a rare treat to see my father. He worked in Manhattan, which, for being all of 12 miles away, may as well have been a different world. He worked long hours and more often than not he’d get more sleep if he just stayed at his office and slept rather than coming home. So, for the duration of whatever film they were either filming or editing in post, there’d be long stretches when I wouldn’t see him. 

He’d have the occasional weekend where he’d come home. Maybe I’d be off from school the next day. I don’t remember the specifics as this was the early-mid 90s. On these occasions, when he had to just drop off a drive or whatever, he’d ask me if I wanted to come to work with him. I’d always say yes, because it seemed very exciting to me - being on film sets, potentially meeting famous actors, getting to know the industry. I decided fairly early on I wanted to be part of it. 

After what seemed like hours - it was always dark when we left - we’d go home. I want to say it was around midnight - at least it felt that way to me, who was no older than 8. As we reach the bridge, he says to me on one specific ride home; “Look at it. It’s kind of like a jewelry box, right? Do you see how it sparkles?” He was talking about the buildings abutting the west side highway - and the entirety of the New York City skyline as we drove further on. It stuck with me. One of those things, a really great day - in spite of me having no recollection at all of what we did - and that one comment he made while I was in a semi-conscious stupor. 

I always wanted to go back to the city. It was where I was born, where I had friends at one point - there was nothing bad associated with it.  Being asked if I wanted to drop a reel off to someone was like being asked if I wanted to go to an amusement park. When I got to high school I took a film class and one of the projects was to film a music video set to a song of your choice. I had no friends at the time, so was at a shortage of actors -- simple solution; go to Manhattan, film from this incredible wealth of people going on with their lives. This was in a freshly post-9/11 world, so things weren’t quite the same as I remembered. . Police presence in the Port Authority. Things like that. But people continued with their humdrum day to day routine like it was nothing. I was envious of it. I did the video to Eleanor Rigby by the Beatles. 

When it came to selecting a college, I had two options: A local school, which was considered very good, or an art school in Manhattan - also very good, but 20k more than the other school per semester. I put a 500$ deposit down on the local school before deciding last minute I’d continue to be unhappy if I went there. I still, to this day, with over 10k left on my loans, believe I made the right choice. I don’t think I’d be alive if I went to the other school. 

I took the bus into the city. The bus goes on these couple-story-high ramps before stopping to let people off into the port authority. You get a good view of 9th avenue and some other areas, consequently ----  . . . The first month, going in to school, equally as tired as I was when I was a kid (It was, on some days, 7 in the morning. . )  . . I had one thought; it’s beautiful. The same as that jewelry box. No longer lit up, no longer sparkling like diamonds, but retaining that same ‘magical’ aura. This feeling faded over time, but even now, looking down on those streets, I have to smile to myself a bit. 

My mother has always been overprotective. When it was finally time to go to school that first year I was given a strict set of instructions to follow: take this bus, go on this train, transfer to this one, and walk this way. Do not look at the map under any circumstances or they’ll know you don’t belong. We ran through it the week prior to the first week of school together. On the first day I called to say I had forgotten everything, though I had figured it out. I don’t think she was pleased with me. 

I continued to do this for a few weeks before realizing I could walk the two miles faster than the subway could take me, so, I started to do it. I felt good, walking. Exploring. If I had time I’d take a different street. In the two miles you go through all kinds of neighbourhoods. One street could mean the difference between a “bad” and “good” area. I wanted to see them all. 

She came to accept this, but not before giving a warning: Don’t go to the Bronx. Don’t go too far uptown. That kind of thing. 

By my third year I had explored Harlem. I explored some of the area of the Bronx by the zoo. I got yelled at for both. I have walked from the southernmost point to the northernmost in all my travels. Last month I explored the Bronx further. I got another concerned lecture. I am 10+ years an adult. 

What does any of this have to do with the song above?

I had a playlist, which exists to this day (in a slightly different incarnation) entitled “For Subway/Walking”. Songs I enjoyed that had a nice beat to walk to, that’d keep me entertained. Simple. This song was one of the many on it.

Early on in my travels I discovered the Chelsea Hotel:

Which has an entirely different aura from the rest of the city. It’s huge, daunting - doesn’t really seem to belong where it is. There’s a pharmacy and a gym like a block away. Nothing makes sense in the area, but the hotel is a bit of a landmark. It’s one of those things that are so seemingly out of place, it’s like if you walk in through the doors there’ll be a whole new dimension to explore. I never went in, though I’d go out of my way to walk past the hotel every time I had a class on the west side. On certain days it’d look slightly different - not sure if it was how the sun lit it up, the general ‘feel’ of the area that day or what. . I took pictures every now and then, often looking the same, but I just had a need to keep that days memory in some kind of archive. 

The Chelsea Hotel has been the home to many celebrities over the years. Ginsberg resided there. Once there was a banner hanging out of one of the windows asking to “bring back the poets” - I snapped a photo of that. 2001: A Space Oddity was written in those walls. Nancy Spungen was killed there. There’s just such a rich history to it. There’s an entire section on wikipedia about the notable residents. 

It’s also a hotel where the Libertines recorded some music, The Babyshambles Sessions, in New York. 

I have a couple memories, listening to my playlist while walking past that hotel. . . Nothing specific, just walking - listening to the songs. Especially the one up above. And it’s some of the best memories of my life. I was finally where I wanted to be, listening to music that made me feel good, by a beautiful building where the band members once stood. I didn’t really pay much attention to the lyrics, it was more about a mood and it served its purpose. 

Which is ironic, because the song is about. . . 

. . . .”Carl once said to Pete "its either the top of the world or the bottom of the canal" - he had a big fear of wasting his life and ending up eating cold beans out of a tin and watching daytime telly on a fuzzy TV - they grew to call this concept 'death on the stairs' - the miserable state that some people become, and that’s what this song is about.”

That’s exactly where I fucking am. I discovered grubhub and the allure of not having to cook or do anything for myself without the “risk” of using a phone and placing an order. I work, I work my second job, and I watch late night cartoons and occasionally fall asleep on the sofa. Sometimes I work, then immediately come home and go to sleep in spite of it being like 6p. 

I never intended on living this long, so that was never a fear of mine. I had this premonition my entire life, like every since I decided I wanted to do something in the art field. I’d get my job, be miserable doing it, and eventually give myself alcohol poisoning before dying in some bar or in the street at 3 am between the ages of 26 and 27. So I never planned past that point. 

Here I am, never once getting a job in my field of choice to be miserable doing as to be the catalyst for my eventual death. I am older than 27. I am working, at least the one job, at the same place I have been working since 2010 -- a job I only got so I could afford the bus/subway to get into the city in the first place. And I am still miserable, but I am not even allowed that (dare I say? ) romanticized artists death. 

This is Death on the Stairs. I have managed to corrupt one of my last happy memories.

Now my parents are planning on moving. My dad is no longer in the film industry so there’s no reason to be paying the ridiculous taxes and fees involved with being in a suburb of the city. Everything is cheaper out west. Unfortunately, so is the scope of the people’s world --- I asked a realtor how to get to the city with public transportation and he stated he wasn’t fully sure. 

I don’t have anywhere to return to. The last time I was in the city, a guy in a ski mask was waiting on the subway platform. He got very close to my face and it scared the fuck out of me. I no longer travel with a knife or anything like that since one of them was confiscated from me years ago (again, post 9/11 world) -- it was just one of those things, as I’m recalling my mother; don’t go here, here, or there . . . you don’t belong. It was the first time I even had the thought that maybe she was right. And that was terrifying since that’s the only place I ever felt like I did belong. And even then, it was the anonymity that drew me to it. Nobody cares about you and. . . you’re not going to care about anybody. And even there, I felt, while on that platform, I didn’t belong. I did not tell her about this incident. 

I don’t want to move. I don’t want to let go of this thought; maybe I will be happy. Maybe I can get over the crippling social anxiety. Maybe I can find the time to sit down, assemble a portfolio, and put myself out there. Maybe I can get a job doing something I love. Maybe I can earn enough so I can get to a point where my parents won’t be scared shitless about my future; how I can’t support myself. How I don’t seem to have any aspirations. How I just don’t belong. The truth is I never belonged here, either - that’s what made New York so alluring to me in the first place. Now I am losing everything. 

I have been thinking a lot about killing myself lately. It’s not that I have any plans to go through with it, and I am not saying this as a desperate act of ‘I need help/attention’ or ‘Call someone’ -- nothing like that, no. On the contrary.  It’s just something that has been at the back of my mind. It’s hard going through the day when you’re being instructed to just go fuck off. Just die or something. My only solace is that my view is already from the bottom of that canal and all I can see is the lingering silhouette of the Chelsea. But it’s getting further away. Regardless, I suppose up is the only way to go --

And in the interim, it’s nice to reflect on those moments of happiness. Even if they are so far out of reach. 

[smorkaft]

My dad was nice but he was very old, never was very good with feelings and I didn’t see him a lot after I was 6, so he was more like an uncle to me, even on the day he died. I don’t say this to be cruel, I’m thankful for the fun times we had together, but I never felt like I got to know him as an adult, as anything other than a father. My mother and my sister have always been my actual family, and I love them both very much, but they’ve also always been condescending when speaking to me, but I never really knew how to describe it as anything other than “teasing”. In more recent times, I’ve come to realize that it’s really not okay, that they can be manipulative and have intricate tactics to say things without feeling shame, since I rarely reciprocate any hate towards them and their comments are really unwarranted and mean. I’ve tried to identify the things they do. They say things that appear helpful but usually support them with unnecessary negative personal attacks (because you’re lazy, because you’re stupid etc.), they use backhanded compliments, they laugh while saying mean things so they can decide if they’re joking afterwards in case I get upset, they have short spurts of unusual kindness every now and then to make up for their common behavior (moral licensing), they call me sensitive to justify themselves (when really it’s the opposite), test my intelligence with esoteric trivia to justify their stance, amongst other things.

Regarding what they say, it’s a lot of belittling my physical / mental traits, my hobbies or openly calling me lazy and stupid as if it was a given fact; they make comments about my hair, my nose, my weight and my clothes, so much so that I didn’t let myself look how I wanted to until I was about 19 and underwent several style makeovers in my teens. A very common one is also that I can’t complain about anything because everything I do and study is apparently really easy to them, despite that my technical knowledge of art is good for a 20 year old and I’m trying hard to get better. My mother and my sister like to bring up how my sister works in her free time and that her school is much harder than mine, as if we were on the verge of being homeless and without a future and that working longer is a good thing. My sister also sighs and gets bothered by the fact that I am anywhere near her, answers in silence, with muffled “mm”s or with an attitude, which has led me to avoiding her as much as possible. Her personality completely changes to a cheery, invested daddy’s girl as soon as anyone outside the close family comes by, so I think she’s just insecure and manipulative but doesn’t see anything to gain in interacting nicely with any of us at home since she’s got us wrapped around her finger anyway. My mother is always very nice to me and people in general, but she has made it a habit to belittle me quite often. I think she mostly sees it as harmless, so I don’t hold it against her too much, and she has toned it down after I’ve brought it up, even if I had to do it a couple of times first. I’ve noticed that in my friend groups, some people target me more often than others and I’ve been called a drama queen before, so I know very well that I am more sensitive than most and that it’s noticable to others. I’ve worked on making teasing me feel less enjoyable to get people to stop, either by smiling it off or ignoring them, but I guess it’s just tattooed on my forehead that I can’t stand it. My mother and sister’s comments especially, since they always feel so honest and cutting. Though it might be a stretch to assume so, I suspect they’re the reason I have performance anxiety/ a feeling of forced over-politeness around strangers and that I feel like women can push me around verbally and that I find it scary to critize them. My mother, even if I know she’s nice and tries very hard for us, has a very short temper. Especially in public, because I know that she’s very preoccupied about how she appears to others. In the past, when I’ve annoyed her in public (like asking to play on her phone while we were waiting and I didn’t have a phone yet), there’s been times where she’d scream right in my face to fuck off, which would make everyone around us stare and go quiet. I feel like my mother has a pretty sad look on parenting; her parents were emotionally absent and had issues and her mother married an abusive man that she lived with most of her life, and when she didn’t live with them she’d live with a childminder. She wants to be a good parent, but she’s a bit lost on how in some areas by inheriting the absence of her parents. Nevertheless, having all of my closest family be so on edge all the time has had a toll on me and my ability to open up/feel safe around others sometimes. I suspect that they’re also the reason I’m somewhat self-conscious about my looks and my behavior when I’m in public (especially the length of my hair). It’s clear that my lack of masculinity hasn’t gone unnoticed, I’ve been called a faggot a lot of times, and it’s a shame that my looks and my behavior is stereotypically gay or female, but I can’t do much about it unless I were to brainwash or censor myself further. I used to wear brighter clothes, have a high-pitched voice, act more flamboyant than I do now and and just generally be more down-to-earth, but I repressed that part of me when I realized it was seen as gay and feminine. I didn’t like that people felt entitled to comment about things that evoked insecurities in me, no matter who they were and how the comment was presented, so I conditioned myself to be manlier. Constantly having to put up with degrading comments in an environment you can’t exit, no matter how much kindness you try to meet these people with, it really starts warping your perception of personal relationships and slowly erodes your mental fortitude over time, and now here we are. When I DO make similar remarks about my mother and sister, it’s always the biggest deal ever. I can admire their boundaries, but I also realize they’re the cause I have fewer. If I bring up that I find their behavior to be hurtful it’s always a battle, I never get met with any understanding. If I bring it up with my sister, she brings up things I did when we were kids as if she’s got The Great Book of Grudges under her bed and I’ve made no growth at all since I was 8. Always this fucking whataboutism, furthering my sentiment of being required to always be nice to her so as to not be a hypocrite. She takes absolutely no shit from me, no matter how small; and now she wants to become a cop too, go figure. If I bring up my sister’s behavior with my mom, she somewhat agrees with me but usually says that my sister is still growing and will be nicer soon, as if she can’t be held responsible for any of her actions and her terrible attitude even when she’s now 18. If I bring up my mom’s behavior with my mom, she starts victimizing herself and saying I’m ungrateful for the things she does for me (again, whataboutism). The way she sees it, taking care of her kids materially (household chores, help with emails, work etc.) exempts her from having to respect their boundaries or give them emotional care sometimes. I agree that I should help her more at home, which I have taken measures to do, which means I can listen and show sympathy, but a part of me also knows that no matter how hard I work for her, I’m still not going to have her fully listen to me, because I can’t remember a time that she has asked me how I feel/ if I’m okay in my entire life unless I’m bawling my eyes out in front of her, despite the fact that I’ve lived as a shut-in during my whole life. And that really hurts. It feels like she wants me to be someone else, someone tougher and better, so she doesn’t care about how I really feel, and so she doesn’t ask. It feels near impossible to ask someone to listen now, that I can’t be sad about anything. That you can just walk all over me and that it’s okay, because I didn’t walk the dog during my lunch break or something. I was just never taught that it’s okay to be sad and talk about it, and I’m finally realizing that my family hasn’t always been nice to me growing up. Just asking for help/comfort produces this massive guilt and panic in me and it would have been unbearable if I wasn’t so self-conscious about it and good at hiding it by now. I feel like I have to be controlled and smiley, or else people will think I need them to listen. When I’ve tried reaching out to friends, it’s usually a select few and after a problem is over, when it’s too hard to stay quiet. Some of them are really nice and caring and it means a lot to me to have my struggle be validated by people I look up to, but I’ve also had my problems fall on deaf ears sometimes, which is understandable, even if a bit disappointing. In 2019, I made a huge life decision that I thought would finally prove my worth to my family. I moved to Belgium and attended a really hard school. First time I lived alone. First time I had to take care of myself. In a foreign country where I didn’t speak the language. Didn’t have any friends. Where I had 5 different subjects at once, several of which I sucked at and all really hard to pass. In a country with an unforgiving school culture that I never experienced before. A school with power-tripping asshole teachers.  A country with the most bureaucratic administrative processes I had ever have to go through. A bitter taste of reality, and a really stupid decision born from desperation I didn’t acknowledge I felt then. I tried and I failed miserably. I felt like I was going insane and I was breaking down every day. I chose to drop out after two semesters and return as a failure, but now I feel like I have some sense of direction and a more realistic understanding of what pace I need in life.

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Useful Info for Student to Know

‘Adulting’ is hard. UC Berkeley has a class for that

Conner Wright is carrying a demanding course load in his final year as an English major at UC Berkeley: antebellum American literature, introduction to music therapy and a research seminar on William Shakespeare.

The 20-year-old senior is immersed in the works of Henry David Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Herman Melville and Harriet Jacobs.

But Wright, who is anticipating his graduation in May, has the self-awareness to know he needed a little something extra to prepare for his launch into a post-college world, that a superior ability to interpret classic literary works may not be enough.

So he signed up for a class on “adulting,” where he is learning to create and stick to a personal budget, build a resume and apply for jobs and navigate romantic relationships in a time when online interactions are eclipsing face-to-face encounters.

“I need to learn how to get this adult thing down and manage life,” Wright said.

The class, which has 30 students enrolled in each section, is led by two Berkeley undergrads who plan discussion topics and schedule guest speakers to fill 90 minutes each week. The “adults in training” are among thousands of people across the country who have signed up for courses that focus on things such as cooking or budgeting or time management.

Adulting classes for college students and postgrads have swelled in popularity in recent years, in part because many high schools have largely abandoned “life skills” courses such as home economics, which were created to help students navigate the path to adulthood.

That trend, combined with armies of hovering parents who emphasize academic achievement to the exclusion of almost everything else, has resulted in university classrooms filled with students who scored a 5 on their AP Physics test, but struggle to plan for a week’s worth of groceries and meals.

In Portland, Maine, the Adulting School offers in-person classes on “soft” skills, such as interviewing, conflict resolution and making friends, along with topics such as personal finance and basic home maintenance.

Principal Rachel Flehinger said her students, who are typically in their 20s and 30s, have experienced their share of disdain over their so-called entitlement and laziness.

“We’ve had clients who are millennials having major anxiety that they didn’t have these skills and didn’t feel successful as an adult,” she said. “There’s a lot of self-loathing that happens.”

Similar classes or in-person workshops have popped up at libraries and universities across the country, in private groups on social media and even on blogs tailored to college students. Some high schools have scheduled seminars on life skills as a way to prepare their students for life after graduation.

Sometimes students come up with their own solutions.

Neither Belle Lau of Washington nor Jenny Zhou of Arizona felt fully prepared for life away from home when they arrived at Berkeley two years ago. When Lau moved out of the dorms and into her own apartment during her sophomore year, her lack of self-reliance at the time became apparent. She was working, attending classes and, for the first time, had to plan her own meals, put money aside and cover her expenses. She quickly realized that she was spending too much money eating out all the time.

Lau and Zhou noticed that many of their peers were having similar struggles.

“We’re thrown out into this world and have little idea about what the heck we’re supposed to do,” said Lau, 21. “I think in general we all feel a little bit lost and don’t know where to start.”

To remedy that, Lau and Zhou, 20, decided to create their own class.

When it was first offered last spring, every one of the 30 spots was filled. Seventy students had to be turned away.

Lau and Zhou added a second session this semester. More than 200 students filled out applications explaining why they wanted to take the 12-week course. The women accepted fewer than half who applied.

Adulting is one of dozens of student-run courses in the university’s DeCal (Democratic Education at Cal) program, in which students create and facilitate their own classes on topics that include those practical and fun and often aren’t addressed in traditional curriculum. The project is rooted in the ideals of Berkeley’s free speech movement, launched in the 1960s when students pressed for and won greater academic rights.

There’s a class on criminal psychology, which “aims to analyze the minds of criminals, particularly of those who commit heinous crimes,” in an effort to understand factors that influenced their behaviors and led them to commit violent offenses. Students enrolled in “Intro to Baking” learn to make bread, cakes, pastries and other confections “without setting you or your roommates on fire,” according to the course catalog.

Another course takes participants on a journey to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry through discussions of Harry Potter novels.

The courses in DeCal count for one or two credits and are offered as pass/no pass; as a result, students say they are unlikely to add to their stress levels.

“College is a time of so many transitions — the losing of certain reference points — and it’s relatively sudden,” said Nancy Liu, an assistant clinical professor of psychology at UC Berkeley and the faculty sponsor for the adulting class this semester. “You’re on your own for the first time, you’re navigating a large system with limited support, you’re taken out of past comforts and starting anew, you have new tasks that you’ve never had to deal with before.

“Add to that the stress of a high-pressure academic environment, it makes sense that many would feel overwhelmed,” she said.

“College also sets the tone for much of what comes afterward: fostering those daily habits and routines; balancing work, school and life; remembering to file your taxes and keeping a budget; learning how to navigate interpersonal challenges with less scaffolding or support from experienced others. It seems crucial to address it head-on in a way that was valuable to students,” Liu said.

When Lau and Zhou decided to create a class, they initially envisioned a course in cooking, a passion they share. That idea morphed into life hacks and, later, adulting.

When the two began brainstorming a syllabus, daily tasks such as laundry, sewing and car maintenance didn’t make the cut. Instead, they focused on topics that are more abstract: time management, budgeting, fitness and nutrition, and relationships.

Each 90-minute session features a presentation from Zhou and Lau, juniors majoring in molecular and cell biology and integrative biology, respectively, and an outside expert who visits the class in person or via video chat. Last year, a recruiter from Lyft prepped students about job searches and a former accountant discussed filing taxes.

Those accepted into the classes, mostly seniors, have lamented that many of the things they were learning weren’t taught by their parents.

Lau’s mother, Allie Wu, says that parents “don’t trust their kids enough to do things on their own,” adding that “when they’re at home their parents pretty much take care of everything for them.”

Wu says she has always been very independent, a trait that was a necessity when she arrived in the United States from Taiwan as a 22-year-old to pursue her MBA. Wu hoped her daughter would leave home with the same sense of self-sufficiency. But when Lau confessed to her mother that she struggled a bit her first year at Berkeley, Wu said she began to worry.

Those concerns dissipated when Lau told her about the adulting class she wanted to start with a friend.

Wu, who visited the class last year to talk about taxes, said the course is “wonderful” and “unique.”

“I know she’s in a good place now. I’m very proud of her,” Wu said. “She knows what she wants and what she needs to accomplish her goals.”

During the first week of “adulting” at Berkeley this semester, students were asked to come up with goals that were “SMART”— specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-based.

To kick it off, Zhou asked whether anyone had ever set a goal they didn’t accomplish.

A few hands shot up. Several people shifted uncomfortably in their chairs. A handful looked around the room.

In less than a minute, everyone’s hand was in the air.

After a brief lecture, Lau and Zhou split the class into groups of six, each assigned to discuss their goals for the semester. Precision was rewarded; vagueness had to be remedied.

Students shuffled their desks into haphazard circles in the classroom and made quick introductions. They bantered about the dread of 8 a.m. classes and late-night studying marathons that would compound that trepidation as the semester dragged on.

Then things got uncomfortable.

Some of the students spoke in hushed tones as they shared the goals they had written on sheets of paper in front of them and, along with those, their insecurities that they might not be doing this whole grown-up thing quite right.

Wright spoke up first. His goal was to build more healthful habits with diet and exercise before graduation. The group nodded in agreement.

Several students said better time management would make a huge difference in their lives. One woman, a junior, said planning and establishing a routine might keep her from staying up all night cramming for exams.

Another piped up, saying she’d like to get more done during the day by limiting how much time she spends on her phone — a common distraction.

Kate Curtis, a 21-year-old senior who showed up 10 minutes late to the class with a look of embarrassment and a quick apology, said she’s long struggled with punctuality. She’s been late so many times to her job at a fast-food restaurant that her manager recently pulled her into a meeting to discuss it. She was humiliated and ashamed.

“I want to learn to be dependable. I want other people to be able to count on me,” she said.

Curtis, who transferred to Berkeley from a community college in Orange County, said she lived at home for the first two years of college and feels she was coddled longer than her peers.

“I’m eight hours away from home now, so I’m actually on my own. I have to find my own doctor if I’m sick. I’ve just signed up for my first loan, and I’m not really understanding what I’m getting into,” she said.

Lau acknowledged that she and Zhou don’t have all the answers, but she’s quick to note that parents shouldn’t be faulted for their children’s lack of real-world knowledge.

“Maybe it is our parents who aren’t teaching us these things we thought we should already know, but we don’t want to blame our parents for us being naive or ignorant,” she said. “It’s our responsibility as college students to know that if we’re struggling in some aspect, there are resources out there for us.” *Reposted article from the UT by Hannah Fry of December 10, 2019

[evnoweb]

This Week in Ontario Edublogs

It’s been another great reading of blogging thoughts from Ontario Edubloggers. OK, they’re not necessarily blogging thoughts; maybe it would be best to say that they are thoughts that are then blogged?

Regardless, enjoy…

First Day Back

This may well be a post, albeit a two-parter, that every educator could write. After the Christmas/New Year’s Break, it’s a return to school. If you were thinking about writing this post, Diana Maliszewski beat you to it.

There’s an interesting observation in one of the messages that she includes in the post “Connection over curriculum”. That’s an important concept; not everyone celebrates the break in the same way, if at all.

I had a discussion with a friend of mine over the break and he was quoting a letter to the editor of a local newspaper where the advice was that the big presents under the tree shouldn’t come from Santa because it only invites a comparison of gifts and a feeling perhaps that Santa might like you more because you got a Ferrari and I only got a book. Making the connection first could lead to better things.

Part 2 of the post reveals that it was a successful first day back, although with an interesting note about morning announcements. The big takeaway that has some discussing things is Diana’s dismal attempt at hitting green lights on the way to work. It’s a mathematical inquiry project in the making.

TESOL’S ELECTRONIC VILLAGE ONLINE

I hadn’t heard the term “Electronic Village” for a long time. It takes me back to when I joined the Ontario one where I got the “dougpete” handle. John Allan, writing for the TESOL blog, tells us about their village.

In particular, it’s interesting to note the range of professional learning opportunities for members.

Getting Online as a Teacherpreneur

Mother Tongue Use in the EFL Classroom

Are You a Fair Tester?

Seamless Classroom Management with EdTech

…

and a number more. There are 14 courses in all (although there are actually 16 choices when you go to the registration page), some which can lead to a certificate or you’re invited to audit them.

It’s also interesting to see someone use the PBWiki resource so effectively. I thought I might be the last person using it. It turns out I’m not.

Elevate your Audience

I wish that I had someone with Noa Daniel’s approach when I was in school and we had to do presentations. Yes, with my dumb luck, I would always be the 16th of 16 presentations in a class.

When I look back on how I developed this part of the BOB approach, I recall being upset by the yawns of some students during presentations. That’s when I first decided that there were to be no more than 3 presentations on a given day- enough time before a break was required. How is it fair to the presenter who goes last in a long line up of presenters if the audience has grown tired of sitting and listening to presentations? 

While not explicitly stated, Noa does address the problems with the traditional approach to presentations – if you’re old enough, you remember those numbered recipe cards that you read from for your presentation. For those not old enough to remember, think of people reading Powerpoint or Google Slides presentations.

What about the audience? We’ve all nodded off during such presentations or university courses, I’m sure.

Audiences have the power of making a presentation into a shared experience. If the audience is listening and has a chance to interact with the content, the product and/or the presenter, we can do more with our classroom presentations, turning presenters into co-teachers and the audience into co-learners.

Could she be turning out the next generation of powerful speakers using an approach that engages the audience so that there’s no sleeping?

The only thing left to do is to approach the notion that all projects are assigned, worked on, and then presented at the same time. Just like in the “real world” – NOT!

Friday Two Cents: Positive Thoughts For The New Year

Paul Gauchi notes that many people use January 1 as the date to start life-changing decisions. You know – lose weight, eat healthier, exercise more, …

As he says, these noble thoughts are pretty much history by Super Bowl time. (Wow, people last that long?)

He encourages you to think about being 90 and looking back on what seems so important right now.

Maybe that will help put things into perspective.

If you need more, consider the quote from Willie Nelson that he closes with.

Has inclusive education gone too far? – The Globe and Mail debate

What I appreciate about Paul McGuire’s writing is that he shares it from the perspective of a principal. I never had that perspective and many principals are not this open with their sharing of thoughts. Certainly, current principals have to be careful.

It is another world and those assistants and teachers that deal with challenging students are certainly becoming more vocal it seems. It’s a message that Paul wants to take to his voicEd Radio show dealing with “important public issues” in his Class Struggle Podcast along with his partners Heather Swail and Stephen Hurley.

Consider this observation from one impacted that Paul included in his post.

Over those years my job changed dramatically; from helping students (with varying needs) achieve their potential in class, to keeping students with often volatile behaviours from being a threat to others while in a “regular” classroom.

It’s an important discussion to have – the post is full of Paul’s thoughts – and won’t be solved anytime soon.

But, it will never be solved if it’s not discussed and that’s the point.

Supporting Struggling Students in Math

You can’t take a look at education issues of the day without looking at mathematics. It’s always been a target in education with ideas for “reform” and I suspect will always be.

Deborah McCallum explores the Lawson Continuum in this post.

A neuro-typical student might start with less efficient strategies on the Lawson continuum, and over time, master more efficient strategies that help them develop mastery of the skill. The hope is that students that are developing ‘normally’, will be able to choose the most appropriate strategy for the specific problem they are working with, and will continue to be able to do this as problems get more and more difficult.

Looking back, I think (I hope) that I was a typical student. In my world, getting the answer was important. I don’t know that I was particularly challenged to finding “more efficient strategies” until I hit Grade 13 and then university. It was at that point that I think I fully appreciated the beauty and elegance of mathematics.

I struggled, sure, everyone does at times but not to the extent of the student that requires intensive support.

Deborah does a nice job of outlining a variety of strategies that might help that struggling students.

The list is most certainly of value but I think, even more importantly, reading this post for any teacher who is dealing with struggling students will feel a sense of knowing that they’re not the only ones dealing with this issue. The value of a big list like this is providing alternatives for students – if they’re at this level, it may be necessary to work through a number of strategies.

If there was only one way, teaching mathematics would be easy.

A New Year, A New Semester

One of the big takeaways from my interview earlier this week with Terry Greene was his sharing of the big list of bloggers as part of the Ontario Extend program. I’m going to look forward to going through them.

So, I started and landed on this post from Lisa Koster. The title caught my attention because it really describes one of the best parts of being an educator – having do-overs periodically. New faces, new subjects, new courses, can all renew enthusiasm for the job.

As you depart one in favour of another, it’s always nice to do a little reflection and Lisa does that in this post. There was one comment that reminds me that we are indeed in a different time.

 I’ve had a number of challenges trying to motivate students to not only come to class, but stay and participate. I’ve also had some great successes where I saw students actively participating and having fun with math.

That does bring out a couple of thoughts about higher education.

Students are a little older and are held to a higher standard as well as the instructors/professors. They can elect, at their peril, to vote with their feet on a particular topic or class

When I was at university(ies), and maybe this is the cheap Doug talking, I never skipped or left classes early that I can recall. I paid for it, darn it, and I’d better be taught!

Is there a higher sense of entitlement? It’s interesting to ponder and, certainly in K-12 where attendance is taken and enforced, a whole different world.

It’s interesting to read and reflect on.

Next for Ontario Extend is the mOOC and I’ll look forward to reading Lisa’s and other thoughts as they embrace that.

I hope that you’re having a terrific Friday and that you take time to click through and read these posts in their entirety and drop off a comment or two.

And, add this bloggers to your Twitter network

@MzMollyTL

@mrpottz

@noasbobs

@PCMalteseFalcon

@mcguirp

@bigideasinedu

@lkoster

This blog post is part of a regular Friday series. You can check out previous posts here.

This post originally was posted to:

https://dougpete.wordpress.com

If you read it anywhere else, it’s not original.

This Week in Ontario Edublogs published first on https://medium.com/@DigitalDLCourse

[katrou1894-blog]

Why Writing? (Seriously You Want to Be a Writer?) Part 4

Welcome back to Katie’s Messy Little Blog!

So if you have completely missed the last three of my blog posts, I am currently in a series of blog posts sharing the story of how I got into writing and this is the last post of this series! (Yay! I’m sure you are all sighing in relief.)

This is the 4th and final part of the series. So it might be helpful (if you haven’t read them already) to go back and read my previous three posts entitled Why Writing (Seriously You Want to Be a Writer?) Part 1, 2, & 3. [However if you don’t want to read about my childhood through high school experiences I completely understand.]

So, if you haven’t picked it up already, my education history isn’t exactly “traditional.”

This is a theme that very much continues into college! It actually probably gets even more complicated post-high school…

When I graduated high school, my family could not afford for me to go straight to a four-year university. So, even though I really didn’t want to, (this is another case of a story that can easily take up a whole blog post on its own) I started my higher education at community college in Los Angeles.

This is another pretty funky section of my education history. So I am briefly going to summarize a few years in a single paragraph in order to save some time. (Which I am quite proud of because it was a pretty wild few years.)

After high school I went to a local community college in LA, (which was an experience ) after a semester of community college, my family made the decision to move to Austin, Texas. So I then took the spring semester off from school (even though it ended up taking 7 months to sell our house! ) and we moved to Texas that summer. Upon arriving in Texas, I immediately signed up for the local community college in Austin. Which I then proceeded to complete another semester of college, during which I applied to the Disney College Program and I GOT IN! Then that spring I took part in my Disney College Program (I will share more on this, just not right now). Then I came back to Texas, completed another year of community college and then transferred!

[Wow… that looks really complicated when I type it all out like that. Again, life is messy!]

During this time, I wasn’t fully sure what I wanted my major to be in. It wasn’t until my last semester of community college that I finally figured it out. (Which looking back, I can’t believe it took me so long!)

In my last semester of community college, I took my first upper-level English course and LOVED it. I enjoyed the material, I loved the discussions and the projects. At this point, it all became very clear to me (finally) that I needed to major in English.

This was only confirmed for me when I started at Southwestern and started taking English there. My first English class at SU was Post Colonial African Literature (a mouthful, I know ). And although I wouldn’t say I enjoyed all of the material (mainly because a lot of it was really dark and depressing), I valued every single thing I learned in that class.

I became a sponge of knowledge in my English classes and I honestly loved every minute of them throughout the two and a half years I was at Southwestern.

[Also a special shout out to my amazing professors! I REALLY wouldn’t be the person I am today without you. Thank you for teaching me, pushing me, learning with me and being amazing mentors! I couldn’t have asked for better!]

Southwestern also brought on the true beginning of my dabbling in creative writing (something I had never really taken seriously before).

As I reflect now, there is actually one particular person that I have to give credit for believing in me and encouraging me to pursue creative writing. My friend who I will reference as B (out of respect for my friend’s and family’s privacy I am going to refrain from using their real names on this blog).

B and I were fast friends. My first semester at Southwestern we actually had a class together every single day of the week, thus it making it really easy for us to become friends quickly. B also soon became not just a friend, but also a sorority sister and my big! B was my first real friend at Southwestern and is still a very dear friend today (to the extent that I am maid of honor in her wedding in a few months! )

Early on in our friendship B shared with me that she is a creative writer and even shared some of her ideas, concepts and working projects with me. Her enthusiasm and encouragement really inspired me to give creative writing a try.

I will be honest, my first few attempts at creative writing are not great… Most people will NEVER see them because I am so embarrassed by them now! But I do acknowledge that they are important because they helped me to get started.

B was also helped me in the early brainstorming process of one of the biggest projects that I have been working on for the last few years, my first feature-length screenplay. B helped me develop some of my biggest concepts connected to this screenplay and she was among the first few to read it once the first draft was complete. But I am getting ahead of myself, let’s backtrack for a second on how I actually wrote my first screenplay draft.

[FYI the screenplay I am describing here is an adaptation of Cinderella. However, that is all you are getting on this blog because I have worked too hard on this project for my idea to possibly be stolen. You’ll just have to wait to eventually see it in theaters ]

Once I had a solid idea, I knew I had to write it. But, I wasn’t sure where to start and how I could find the time to write it since I was a full-time student. But, then I came up with a clever solution. I decided to ask the English department if I could create a screenwriting independent study, thus solving my two problems listed above plus I actually got college credit for writing my screenplay! (How cool is that! )

I then proceeded to ask one of my favorite English professors if he would be open to instructing me in my independent study idea. He agreed, we submitted the syllabus and the goals for the class to review with the rest of the department and it was approved!!

The next semester my professor and I read Screenplay by Syd Field (highly recommend to anyone out there interested in screenwriting!) and a couple of scripts I wanted to try and emulate through my own script. Then I proceeded to write an entire 120-page screenplay in about 15 weeks… Which in hindsight sounds a little insane…

Mind you, I also already pretty much knew what I wanted to write and had an outline, and this was only the first pass at writing so maybe it wasn’t completely insane. Nonetheless, I am really proud of this time and that I actually accomplished what I set out to do!

For a first draft, it didn’t turn out too bad. I was very aware that it was far from a sellable state, (still is actually, I am still slowly working on it) but I did it! I wrote my first draft of my first feature-length screenplay and that was a really big deal. Also, it is kinda fun to be able to say that I have written a screenplay.

After the independent study, I needed a break from the project I had poured so much into for so long. So I turned to some other ideas. I started adapting my favorite novel of all time, Frankenstein, for film (I’m also still working on this one) and I have a variety of other projects I am working on including this blog!

It is weird to think that my independent study was only a little over a year ago (during the spring of 2018), so much has changed since then. I have since then, survived my final semester at SU, graduated, started my first full-time job, got laid off from my first full-time job, and have been hunting for a few months for a new full-time position (which has certainly been a journey of its own).  

I have experienced A LOT of change and growth in the last year, and I would not trade a second of it. I know I am becoming the person I need to be and experiencing what I need to go through in order to be a better person and writer.

Writing has kept me sane through an overall pretty difficult part of my life recently. It has helped me work through my feelings and emotions and it helps me to express myself in a positive way. Plus it has certainly helped me to better understand myself.

I can’t even imagine my life without my writing now (however maybe I would sleep better without constant ideas in my head ). Writing has become not just something I do, but a big part of my identity and even if no one ever reads my writing I will still be proud of what I am doing.

I am excited to see what the future has in store for my life!

I hope to try and sell some of my work soon (optimistically maybe by the end of the year, realistically hopefully sometime in 2020). I hope one day to be able to live off of my writing and to write full time (since I would be able to get projects done sssssoooo much faster if I could do this).

But I also really don’t know what is coming and that is okay! If I have learned anything in 2019 so far it is that life is sometimes going to throw you some curveballs and you have to learn to adapt. I also know that God has something great in store for me someday. I hope to someday succeed in my chosen field of writing and I hope that I will be able to both entertain and inspire others. I have other dreams too, like how I also hope to meet a wonderful man and start a family with him. I am praying for a joyful and fulfilling life. I know I will be where I want to be soon.

So when I say that I am excited about the future, I genuinely am. I don’t know what is coming, but I do know that good things are coming and I look forward to embracing everything (the good and bad) that life has to offer me. I really do believe God makes all things work for his good, even the things that sting. And I know God has something in store for my life and I look forward to seeing where He takes me.

Thank you for letting me share my story with you. It means so much to me when people tell me that they are reading my blog (still kinda baffles me actually, lol).

I hope my story can help to inspire others to chase their dreams as well!

As always, thanks for reading!

[Also my next blog will be on a new topic, so yay!]

Check out more of my blog at https://katiesmessylittleblog.com/

[jeroldlockettus]

Hacking the World Bank (Ep. 197 Update)

Dr. Kim, second from left, didn’t have a typical background for a World Bank president. (Official White House photo: Sonya N. Herbert)

Jim Yong Kim has an unorthodox background for a World Bank president — and his reign has been just as unorthodox. He has just announced he’s stepping down, well before his term is over; we recorded this interview with him in 2015.

Listen and subscribe to our podcast at Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or elsewhere. Below is a transcript of the episode, edited for readability. For more information on the people and ideas in the episode, see the links at the bottom of this post.

*      *      *

On Jan. 7 came surprising news out of Washington — as if any news out of Washington isn’t surprising these days. But World Bank president Jim Yong Kim announced his resignation, which was surprising, considering he had a few years left on his term. The news ahead will be about his replacement, and President Trump’s historical antipathy toward organizations like the World Bank. In the meantime, we thought you might like to hear this episode from 2015, when we interviewed Kim for Freakonomics Radio. It’s called “Hacking the World Bank.”

[MUSIC: The Diplomats of Solid Sound, “Soul Slaw” (from Instrumental, Action, Soul)]

Back in 2012, Jim Yong Kim was minding his own business, carrying out his duties as president of Dartmouth College. He was in his third year there. Then his phone rang. And he learned that the president of the United States wanted to hire him away.

Jim Yong KIM: Quite literally on a Monday, a Dartmouth graduate from 1983, Tim Geithner, called me and said, “Jim, would you consider being president of the World Bank?” This is the work that I devoted my entire life to: development and fighting poverty. I called the chair of my board right away and I said, “The president is asking me to consider this. I have to do it.” That was a Monday. I flew down and met with President Obama on a Wednesday …

Stephen J. DUBNER: Did you know him previously?

KIM: I had met him once before. But my first sit-down meeting with him was in the Oval Office to talk about this particular job. Then, on that Friday, we were in the Rose Garden, and he was announcing me as the U.S. candidate.

President Barack OBAMA in the Rose Garden: When a nation goes from poverty to prosperity, it makes the world stronger and more secure for everybody. That’s why the leader of the World Bank should have a deep understanding of both the role that development plays in the world, and the importance of creating conditions where assistance is no longer needed. I believe that nobody is more qualified to carry out that mission than Dr. Jim Kim.

KIM: I still had to campaign. I had to compete for the job. But it all happened in the course of one week. It was really quite a whirlwind.

DUBNER: Now, most previous World Bank presidents were either former bankers, lawyers, or government officials. You, meanwhile, are a physician, anthropology Ph.D., college president, spent most of your life in academia, non-profits, not even … I say ‘not even’ an academic economist as though that were a higher credential, which I don’t mean to imply. But what does it say about the World Bank, President Obama, you, or the shape of the world — especially the shape of development and new ideas in development — that a guy like you wound up in a place like this?

KIM: Well, I remain extremely grateful to President Obama. Now, let me tell you how that conversation went. He put it right on the table as he always does. He said, “Look, Jim, what am I going to tell the people around me who tell me that I should appoint a macroeconomist? What justification can I give them for nominating you?” I started right off by saying, “Well, President Obama, have you read your mother’s dissertation?” He sat back, looked at me and said, “Yeah, I have.” I said, “Well, you’ll remember that your mother argued that the entire world thought that the artisanal industry in Indonesia would be wiped out, especially metal workers, by globalization. But what she should showed was that, in fact, that industry thrived. Globalization actually gave a boost to that industry.” I said, “That’s what I do. I’ve been doing development on the ground for the last 25 years. And so while I’m not a macroeconomist, I do take a look at things like how incentives work and the reality of development efforts on the ground. I will always bring that perspective.” He looked at me and said, “Okay, I get that.” Later, in a more relaxed moment with President Obama, he said, “You know Jim, I have to say, that’s one of the best ploys I’ve ever seen. Reading the President’s mother’s thesis is a good strategy.” And we had a good laugh about it.

DUBNER: Yeah, as you were telling the story, I was thinking, “I know this is meant to illustrate the strengths of economic thinking vis-a-vis development, but really I’m thinking most people out there when they hear this are going to take it more as an interview tip.” Whenever possible, if the boss has a mother who wrote some dissertation, prepare. 

KIM: Prepare, and especially if it’s relevant, which it very much was.

DUBNER: You lucked out, you have to admit, that it was relevant.

KIM: I have to.

*      *      *

[MUSIC: The Juice To Make It Happen “Horny Toad”]

Okay, so here is the best part of the story. It wasn’t just that Jim Yong Kim knew that President Obama’s mother had written a dissertation that was related to his development work — and then went and got it in order to prepare for his meeting with the President. Uh-uh. That’s not the way it happened.

KIM: Well, I was so fascinated by President Obama — dating back to 2004 — that I actually bought her unpublished thesis from the University of Michigan archives and faithfully read the whole thing long before I went in to that interview with President Obama.

But let me say this: the more you hear from Kim, the less surprised you are by anything he’s accomplished. And now he is taking the World Bank in a very different direction, which we’ll hear about. But first, let’s begin at the beginning…

KIM: My name is Jim Yong Kim. I’m the president of the World Bank Group. Our organization last year lent and provided grants of about $65 billion. Our mission is to end extreme poverty in the world and to boost what we call ‘shared prosperity,’ which is a notion that focuses on ensuring that the bottom 40 percent of any developing country shares in whatever economic growth there is.

DUBNER: [The] World Bank is fairly impressive. I understand that your childhood dream — as an immigrant kid in Iowa where your father was a dentistry professor — was to be quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings or the Chicago Bears, so I’m sorry that that didn’t work out. Are you okay with where you wound up?

KIM: I’m very happy with the way it worked out. But in the middle of Iowa, boy, the greatest thing that you could ever become is a professional athlete for one of those teams. I was fully part of that culture and I actually played quarterback for my high school football team. Although some people are impressed with that, I then also have to admit that our high school football team had the longest losing streak in the nation when I was the quarterback.

DUBNER: That’s still a record of some sort that you’re attached to.

KIM: It’s a record. It sure is.

OBAMA in the Rose Garden: Jim was also the chair of the department of global health and social medicine at Harvard Medical School. He has earned a MacArthur ‘Genius’ Fellowship. For the last three years, he has served as the president of Dartmouth College. I should also mention that, after immigrating to this country from Korea at age five, Jim went on to become the president of his high school class, the quarterback of the football team, the point guard of the basketball team. I just found out he is a five handicap in golf. I’m a little resentful about that last item. But he does it all.

Becoming an M.D. and then an anthropologist, was not Kim’s original plan.

KIM: Let me tell you the story, Stephen: my mother is a philosopher. She’s still alive, still working on her writing and very involved in her work on East Asian philosophy. My father was a dentist. Dentists are extremely practical people. So I had these two influences in my life. One day I came home from school, and this was one of my first semesters at Brown, and my father picked me up from the airport, which is about 30 miles from our hometown in Iowa. He said, “So, Jim, what do you want to study?” And I said, “I’d like to study politics and philosophy, and I’d like to become a politician.” He slowly pulled the car over to the side of the road, looked back at me and he said, “Look, Jim, when you finish your internship and residency, you can do anything you want.”

I have had this very practical father, who said, “Look, you’re an Asian in this country, no one’s going to give you anything. If you think you’re going to make it as a politician, you better think again. You can do that, but first and foremost get a skill where you actually can help people.”

DUBNER: Now, let’s go back when you were in nonprofits — or NGOs, or whatever form they were in — where you were trying to bring healthcare, deliver all kinds of different necessary and often very primary health care to especially poor places around the world. You were not a fan of the World Bank. You were active, I’ve read, in the ’50 Years is Enough’ movement, the campaign to shut the Bank as well as the I.M.F., contending that they did more harm than good. That’s the report at least that I’ve read. Tell me a) if that report is true, how true it is, and what led to your evolution in thinking about an institution like the World Bank?

KIM: Well it’s true. There’s actually good evidence that it was true. I was one of the editors on a book that’s entitled Dying for Growth: Global Inequality and the Health of the Poor. It basically was a critique of the approach that many of the international financial institutions had taken to health. At the time, what we were arguing was that an overly narrow focus on growth of G.D.P. was really not the approach that we thought would lead to the results that everyone seemed to want to have. In other words, there were arguments that you should restrict social spending, including on health and education. What we were arguing is that we should focus on more than just G.D.P. growth and we should really try to take a much more nuanced view of what are the factors that are important in lifting people out of poverty.

That’s really the direction that the World Bank has gone in a major way in the last 20 years. I’m very glad we lost the ’50 Years Is Enough’ argument because the institution is very different now than it was before. That’s what made it possible for me to lead the institution. The ideas have changed. This is what you guys have done so beautifully in both Freakonomics and SuperFreakonomics, is you’ve made hypotheses but then you’ve looked at the data. The data now are overwhelming in that investments in health and education, for example, are critical aspects of a growth strategy. Larry Summers published a paper just a year ago showing that in low- and middle-income countries, fully 25 percent of the economic growth experienced between 2000 and 2011 was due to better health outcomes.

We don’t, at this institution — and we have not for a long time — thought about health and education as simply expenditures. We now think of them as fundamental investments in human capital that will lead to growth. This is what’s great about the World Bank Group: the institution itself has really looked at the data, really looked at the evidence carefully, and we’ve  shifted a great deal.

DUBNER: The World Bank released a World Development Report titled “Mind, Society, and Behavior,” which I have to admit does not sound, right off the bat, like a World Bank report form the past, for sure. It argues for a new viewpoint or new mindset for attacking poverty. If you could begin, Dr. Kim, just tell me the background. Were you behind this? Who was behind it, and what was the impetus?

KIM: It came out of a pretty straightforward discussion that Kaushik Basu, our chief economist — himself, originally from India, but a celebrated professor of economics, development economics at Cornell for many years. He and I were just sitting down one day. We started talking about behavioral economics and some of the work that I had become fascinated with when I was at Dartmouth about things like willpower and grit and how they had an impact on success in life and development. He suggested one day that we just take this on. That’s how it came to pass. It was a recognition that we really needed a rethink of where we were going with development strategy.

We also wanted to bring into the discourse of the World Bank Group, these thinkers who’ve been so influential in academia but had been much less influential inside the World Bank.

DUBNER: Interesting. As I read the report, it struck me as a best-practices white paper that distills much of the field, if not the entire field of behavioral economics — and highlights the cognitive biases, illusions, and the antidotes, to those problems — that a lot of people have been thinking, talking, and writing about for many years, as you’ve said, primarily within academia, but not exclusively. One point the report makes is that a lot of these insights are, in retrospect, pretty obvious, things like framing and anchoring and social norms, which other people call peer pressure. It struck me that Adam Smith, who we commonly think of as the father of classical economics, was probably a lot more in tune with that human side of the human being than most economists of the mid- and late 20th century.

I’m curious how you think that economics — again, granted, not your field but you certainly know plenty about it — how do you think economics got so far away from considering a human being what to be what a human being really is? Wwhy has it taken so long and so much effort to get back to this new old view?

KIM: Well, it’s a great question. I, as an anthropologist, in grad school we did read Adam Smith, and most of us were very surprised to hear him writing about moral sentiments and the profound moral voice that really is everywhere in his work and his writing. There is a field of economic anthropology that’s been around for a long time. I remember in one of my first early seminars in anthropology graduate school we took on the phenomenon of the potlatch. Now, in the Northwest Coast, Northwest Coast Indians would try to outduel each other in seeing how much of their most valuable possessions they could burn. That was the potlatch. And, of course, from a rational perspective, why on earth would you burn your most valuable things?

Franz Boas, one of the early patriarchs of the field of anthropology, went deeper and deeper into it and showed that, in fact, social status was so important to the Northwest Coast Indians that they were willing to do this. The benefits from doing this were greater, often, than what they would burn. We had been trying to make sense of seemingly irrational behavior in anthropology for a very long time. The assumptions that economists make about rationality have actually led to the rapid development and growth of the field. Economists have — generally speaking, compared to other social sciences — been much more focused on quantification and sophisticated modeling. You have to have a set of assumption[s] in order to make a field that’s trying to do that grow. They started with that.

But we have to remember the Daniel Kahneman won his Nobel Prize on looking at different ways of thinking and questioning the assumptions that economists were making in 2002. His work predates that by quite a bit. We really took his notion that there’s these two kinds of thinking — fast thinking, slow thinking — and try to apply it to development work. The fundamental messages are that 1) people think automatically, quickly, and they don’t think on the basis of ration, reason, looking through the evidence, that people think socially. In other words, other people who have the same thoughts influence them quite a bit. They work on the basis of mental models that are often unconscious.

We looked at those three kinds of thinking and tried to understand if there had been examples of people utilizing that insight to actually get better outcomes. And we found quite a few.

[MUSIC: Donvision; “Indian Summer”]

*      *      *

[MUSIC: Madrona Music, “Stay With Sly” (from Madrona Music Volume 1)]

We are talking today with Jim Yong Kim, president of the World Bank. He and Kaushik Basu, the Bank’s chief economist, commissioned a report that is meant to translate the best behavioral research from academia into real-world solutions to address poverty.

DUBNER: The most persuasive, to me, part of this World Bank report is a table listing examples of highly cost-effective behavioral interventions. I’d like you to talk about a few of these with me. Your favorites, whether it’s addressing adherence to medical regimen, immunization rates, traffic accidents, aspirations and investment. They really run the whole scope of humankind. Underpinning the success of all of these — to some degree, through your view as a World Bank president — is poverty, and that alleviating poverty would help all these things, which most people might not connect necessarily with poverty.

KIM: Again, this goes back to the brilliance of economists and how they have been focused on measuring, and trying to get real evidence and real data. One of my favorites is that in Jamaica they had an intervention with stunted children. In other words, these are children who had low weight and height for age. At a certain point, stunting means that your brain literally has not been developing as it should. It’s really hard to get that back. It’s hard to catch up. There was a very simple intervention where they had young students go and meet with mothers of stunted children. They tried all kinds of different interventions — income supplements — but one of the interventions was to just have young people come and stress [to] mothers in very poor settings, who had other stunted children, how important it was for them to interact with their children.

Now, this was done once a week for two years. Then 22 years later, they looked at these kids, and so, and they looked at all the different inputs, and the one input that had the biggest difference was that intervention where they went and told mothers to interact with their kids more. That particular group of stunted children had incomes that were equal to the non-stunted children. Those that did not have that intervention had incomes that are 25 to 30 percent lower than the non-stunted children. It’s incredible how these interventions can have that an impact.

DUBNER: Let me just make sure that I understand the mechanism here: it’s basically stimulating vocabulary, language, and thinking. Is that the idea of what’s going on that moves things forward?

KIM: Right. In other words, these were not mothers who were deliberately neglecting their children. But over years, they developed different practices. You wrap up the kids and put them on your back, or whatever, and you don’t have that much interaction. But if you specifically said, “It’s very important for you to interact with your children in this way,” the mothers did it, and it had this incredible impact 22 years later. This is a great lesson for us. We have to, in every culture, be sure that we’re actually giving that advice: if there’s stunting, first of all you try to improve their nutritional status, but this issue of interacting with children is also really critical. By changing these mothers’ mental model, it had this impact that was measurable economically 22 year later. There are others as well.

Another one that I love is one that affected people’s understanding socially of the importance of using less water. This was in Colombia in the late ’90s. They simply published in the newspaper how much water all the different people and companies and groups were using. There was an overall decrease in water consumption that persisted. In other words, knowing that your neighbors are trying to save, or knowing that you’re not saving and they’re going to see it in the newspaper had a huge impact on people’s use of water. Similarly, in trying to reduce the number of accidents on the road, in Kenya, they put messages on buses that said if you see someone driving recklessly, look out the window, scream and yell at them and tell them to stop doing it. Everywhere you, are scream and yell at people who are driving recklessly.

It reduced insurance claims by 50 percent just to have the social pressure build in that particular way. We are going to use this in World Bank Group. We’re going to capture all of these great examples, and we’ve totally reorganized the Bank to do just that. We now have what we call ‘global practices.’ Their charge is to look all over the world and find out how specific countries have had success utilizing these insights that come from psychology. In doing that, we hope that they will then take these examples and then adapt them for the local context. As an anthropologist, of course, you can imagine I’m going to insist that we respect local contexts. But we feel that we can make tremendous progress if we capture these ideas and bring them to poor countries.

But also, we’re looking internally, because our strong assumption is that automatic thinking, socially-influenced thinking, and mental models affect the way we assess projects. We actually did a study of our own staff. 

DUBNER: With the skin cream and the…

KIM: Yes! The skin cream and the minimum wage. And asked them to use the same set of data. Of course, we adapted it to talk about the skin cream. We had them assess whether skin cream A or B is better for skin rashes. Then, using exactly the same data, but in a different context, we asked them to assess whether the minimum wage increased or decreased poverty rates. They did much better in getting the right answer, because based on the data there was clearly a right answer for both of these questions; they did much better with the skin cream than they did with minimum wage, because our staff came in with preconceived notions and mental models about the importance of minimum wages.

What we’re going to do specifically inside the Bank is try to figure out ways where we can get them to do what Daniel Kahneman called “slow thinking.” Can we get them to be more deliberative, to be more focused on the mechanics of a particular project or particular intervention, to really consider data first before they jump to a conclusion? Can leaders like me to keep their mouths shut, for example, to not influence, socially, where a group ends up landing on a particular decision?

DUBNER: The report notes that the private sector has already adopted a lot of these behavioral approaches because, and I’ll quote, “When failure affects the profit making bottom line, product designers begin to pay close attention to how humans actually think and decide.” Dr. Kim, why has it taken nonprofits, including the development sector, so long to buy in? Do you think that it’s simply the absence of the market and the needs that exist within the market? Is it the downplaying of R.O.I. within the nonprofit sector? Is it a philosophical point?

KIM: Market forces are critical here. Sometimes people say, “The private sector does everything better.” I don’t know that that’s really the case so much as that the private sector entities that did it poorly no longer exist because they go out of business. Public sector entities can stay in business for a very long time no matter how poor their performance is. And so this is part of what I’ve been obsessed with for about the past 20 years. I’ve been trying to understand — in the absence of market forces — how can you raise the temperature so that people really focus on improving execution? Because in the public sector, not only do we tolerate poor execution, but often, unfortunately, we celebrate poor execution. Poor execution, sometimes, for people is a symbol of the fact that you’re public and not private sector.

Now, I do not at all think that the private sector does it all correctly. But the folks who do it right, and if you were to go to Ogilvy or any of the big public relations companies and give them this, they would laugh at us in the sense that they have been utilizing these insights very aggressively for a very long time. In the public sector there are some really great examples of having used this before. One example comes from an institution that I used to be part of, Harvard School of Public Health. They very consciously tried to get the notion of a designated driver into sitcoms in Hollywood. Once they got it into sitcoms, it became part of the overall mental model that everyone used, and it’s now ubiquitous.

It was, truly, the genius of a group of brilliant public health professionals who realized that they had to shift the mental model on driving while drunk. Cigarette smoking is another one. We’ve done it in bits and pieces. What we’re trying to do now is do it on a much larger scale.

DUBNER: I’m curious, as a trained M.D., whether you [think] this research is slower to be taken up in the areas where it’s really needed, in development in this case, or faster than in medicine?

KIM: When you look at innovations in medicine, it’s not as if you have a new discovery and then immediately everyone in the United States is implementing it. In fact, the lag time from having a really new discovery of something that’s on the market that’s doable right now to a point when the vast majority of doctors are using them is 17 years. I’ve — with a bunch of colleagues, and here now at the World Bank — we talk a lot about the science of delivery. In other words, let’s not just focus on the basic research that tells us about the molecular mechanisms or, for example, economics that might be fundamental theoretical modeling based on mathematical models. Let’s not focus just on the things that we can prove in scientific studies actually work. Let’s now focus on how you deliver those insights. Let’s focus and be as rigorous as we can be about how you take things to scale. One of my good friends in global health used to say to me, “Jim, I am so sick of pilot project-ology. When can we get on to the field of scale up-ology?” Right? That’s got to be our main focus, because if we’re going to end extreme poverty by 2030, every model we have of growth suggests to us that with the pessimistic, with the midway, or the optimistic model of economic growth, we’re not going to get to less than 3 percent extreme poverty by 2030. If our job is to fundamentally change the poverty elasticity of growth, we’ve got to be effective, and we’ve got to take effective solutions, scale them, and scale them more quickly than we ever have.

[MUSIC: Juan Mejia “La Gua Gua” (from 2012 Productions)]

The World Bank has its fans and its detractors. I have to say, it’s hard to imagine that Jim Yong Kim could have too many detractors – he seems to bring so many talents to the job. He’s smart, plainly, experienced, compassionate, he’s a good executive – don’t forget, he’s an M.D. as well. So I know what you’re thinking: that’s disturbing! Isn’t there anything he’s bad at? Well, I am happy to report, that he is not a very good singer.

KIM singing in Dartmough Idols Finals: I had the time of my life and I never felt this way before. And I swear, it’s the truth, and I owe it all to you…

That is from a student talent show at Dartmouth, when Kim was president there. But honestly, even his singing wasn’t that bad. He also danced and rapped.  You know what? He wasn’t that bad at any of those either. So what does the talent show really teach us? It teaches us that Jim Yong King has something that very few others in official Washington have: the ability to not take yourself too seriously. And so, even though he is the President of the World Bank, we asked him to go through a blitz version of our FREAK-quently Asked Questions. He agreed, of course.

DUBNER: Dr. Kim, if you would tell us in 60 seconds or less what you actually do in a given day.

KIM: I spend a lot of time going through my briefing books which look like real books. I get one every day. I’m in meetings all the time with all kinds of people, and I try to 1) keep my mouth shut when me saying something could influence a decision we make, and then make a decision when no one else can make a decision.

DUBNER: What’s the best investment you’ve ever made — financial, emotional, educational, any kind of investment — in getting to where you are today?

KIM: It’s rather simplistic, but late in my life, when I was 24, I started learning languages. I only really spoke English until I was 24. When I was 24, I learned to speak Korean, because I went back to Korea to do my dissertation research. Now I speak Korean, which has been great, especially in all of my work with Secretary General Ban Ki Moon of the United Nations. It’s been great to be able to have secret conversations in the middle of chaos. Then later, I learned to speak Spanish. It really was worthwhile for me to do that. I just desperately regret not having done more of that when I was younger.

DUBNER: Who’s been the biggest influence on your life and work and why?

KIM: Fundamentally, it’s been my mother who was a neo-Confucian philosopher. But she’s been so influential — I was reading the speeches and the writings of Martin Luther King when I was nine years old. So Martin Luther King has certainly been a huge influence. People like Martin Luther King, people who have taken an idea fundamentally rooted in moral convictions and then changed the world are the people who inspire me.

DUBNER: Tell us one thing you’ve habitually spent too much on but do not regret.

KIM: Oh gosh. It’s food. It’s eating at restaurants all over the world. In fact, I have a rule: when I travel to a developing country, for every meal, I want native food as opposed to thinking that I need Western food. I’ve spent a lot of money at a lot of different restaurants. Also, with my children. We love to eat.

DUBNER: Do you cook as well?

KIM: Not very well. I used to a lot more, but not much these days.

DUBNER: Tell me one thing you own that you should probably throw out but never will.

KIM: I have a collection of golf putters, that I just can’t seem to throw away. It’s part of golf. Golf allows for a lot of magical thinking, and so I remember the magical putts I made with some of these putters. So I’ve kept them and kept them and kept them despite efforts of everyone around me to throw them out.

DUBNER: The next question was what do you collect and why? Just asked and answered, or answered without being asked. What’s the one story that your family — maybe it’s your kids, maybe it’s your parents — always tells about you?

KIM: My brother likes to tell this story: my brother is a gastroenterologist in Los Angeles. And he always says that if he and I were to come to a wall with three doors, he had would quickly and automatically go through the door that was open, but that I would put my head through the wall just in case that was a better way to approach getting to the other side. Of course, the story is that I’ve always chosen the most difficult path. But it served me very well.

DUBNER: Interesting. That either leads perfectly into or totally obviates my final question, which is I wanted you to tell me about something that you once quit, why and how it worked out. But if you’re willing to put your head through a wall, you may never have quit anything at all. Did you?

KIM: I did. I actually quit my infectious disease fellowship. Now, this was in about the 30th consecutive year of being involved in education from the age of five. So it wasn’t as if I gave up prematurely. But the credential I would get is to be able to treat people with infectious diseases in hospitals in the United States and I just realized I’d never do that. I’ve continued to work on tuberculosis and H.I.V. and now Ebola. But I did quit that.

DUBNER: Dr. Kim, thanks so much, it was a pure pleasure to speak with you. I learned a lot, and I’m sure everyone listening will as well. Thanks so much for making the time.

KIM: Well, thank you for having me, and thank you for doing this.

[KIM rapping in the Darmouth Idol Final 2011]

[MUSIC: The Civil Tones, “The Bailiff” (from Rotisserie Twist)]

*      *      *

Freakonomics Radio is produced by Stitcher and Dubner Productions. This episode was produced by Greg Rosalsky. Our staff also includes Alison Craiglow, Alvin Melathe, Greg Rippin, Harry Huggins, and Zack Lapinski. Our theme song is “Mr. Fortune,” by the Hitchhikers; all the other music was composed by Luis Guerra. You can subscribe to Freakonomics Radio on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Here’s where you can learn more about the people and ideas in this episode:

SOURCES

Jim Yong Kim, president of the World Bank.

RESOURCES

“World Development Report 2015: Mind, Society, and Behavior,” from the World Bank.

Surviving Against the Odds: Village Industry in Indonesia, by S. Ann Dunham (Barack Obama’s Mother) (Duke University Press 2009).

The post Hacking the World Bank (Ep. 197 Update) appeared first on Freakonomics.

from Dental Care Tips http://freakonomics.com/podcast/jim-yong-kim-update/

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"Ambridge Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 15003

Ambridge Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 15003

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RELATED QUESTIONS: 

What insurance companies are reliable for expats?

I am looking for some more information on insurance companies that provide services for expats? I am a Dutch national, without a fixed 'home' address, and therefore not entitled to the health and liability insurance that is offered by companies in my home country. As I do like to play it by the rules, I was wondering if anyone knows or has experience with reliable and affordable international insurance firms that provide services such as travel-, health- and liability insurance for expats. Thanx for your suggestions!""

California people! who knows about teenage insurance prices?

I am moving from nc to california. i pay $150 every month for my insurance and i am 18. soon to be 19, iv been insured sense Nov 2010 any ideas on how much it would be for me in Cali? thanks :)""

Can young adults get free medical insurance?

A bill was passed and my 2 older kids can not get insurance, so I remember a bill was signed to give up all free insurance and I'm a single parent still see a doctor nor can my two older kids. When I lost my job in 2009 I lost everything and nothing has been right since. I still have no job no coverage and my kids can't finish their education or get medical coverage. What happens to us?""

Insurance polices at work?

a friend of mine works for a local mall where i'm from. the company he worked for varsity he took out a 10,000 insurance policy left me as heir should anything happen to him. when varsity left the mall and another company took over. he and his co/workers are told the insurance policies they took out and left another as heir were only good providing varsity remained in the mall. how is it legal to charge someone for such a policy. once the varsity left the mall they were told they get nothing""

""In Texas, do you need Liability Insurance (if you don't own a car) to obtain a valid drivers license?

Do you need liability insurance if you don't own a vehicle?

Does insurance go up if I buy a car?

I'm 16 and I just got my license in California. My parents won't buy me a car because they think that if I get a car, my insurance rate will go up. Is this true? Or does insurance rate remain the same if i buy a car? THANKS""

Do you have to get insurance before you can get a license plate?

I just bought a used car off of someone and drove it home. Luckily it was at night because the car doesnt have a license plate. This is my first car and none of my family seems willing to answer the phone today to help me. What am I supposed to do first? When I looked up the cost of plates, it said that when purchasing the plates insurance must be presented at the time of purchase. So that means I have to get insurance before I can get the license plates right?""

Do i need insurance for a project vehicle?

I am looking to get a project car to build until i can drive do i need insurance

Is insurance for a salvage car cheaper?

I am looking to get a 03 Mitsubishi Evo with a salvage title. I am just wondering what it would do to my insurance? Will it be cheaper than if the car had a clean title?

Car Insurance problem?

Yesterday my dad was in a car crash but thankfully no injury. The victim who crashed into our car had escaped and dashed off bout 6miles. The point of this story? The victim had stolen a car from a rental place and had been driving really fast probably. Figuring that this guy has no money and insurance, can not pay for the damage of my car. (I had bought it about a year ago, and used car) It seems Like we would have to pay 1mill yen (Japan) for this whole crap. Obviously this does not seem right at all, and should not be paying anything at all! Our insurance covers the accidents we get into, but not the damage of our car. So that means, our insurance doesn't cover it, the victims or the company (toyota) might not be covering it either. This case is rare supposedly and we're still figuring it out. And their on a hunt for this guy so hopefully we'll see what he has. Can you hear me out on this one? Can you give me things that might question this case? thnx a lot""

Do i need to be a full time student to be covered for medical insurance?

i've always been told that i need to have at least 12 credit hours a semester in order to be covered for health insurance. with the new obama health care is this still true since most 23-26 year olds do not attend school anymore?

How much is a down payment on a insurance rate of $161?

Im looking to buy progressive and they're rating my car at 161 a month. if anyone has this rate, do you remember what you paid?""

Texas Car Insurance Questions?

I'm living in Texas for school right now and I've been driving my car which is licensed, insured and registered for Michigan because I'm technically still a Michigan resident. At the same time I'm still paying insurance on a car of mine thats in Michigan for my mom to use. Well, the car that I've been driving here in Texas died on me so I went to a dealership and bought a new car. Now I'm unsure what to do. Do I call my insurance and have them insure it through Michigan again? (But then how would I get my Michigan Plates?) Or because I bought it in Texas, am I suppose to register it in Texas and get the state inspection and then insure it in Texas? I'm so confused. In Michigan, the cars don't need those yearly inspections.. so idk what that is. Also, I'm considering staying here in Texas once I'm done with school..so I feel like that plays a part in my dillemma too.""

Becoming an insurance agent?

I just about have my real estate sales and loan licenses. If I got an insurance agent license could I sell homeowners and renters insurance to people who buy and rent through me? Is there some kind of rule prohibiting this, is it a conflict of interest?""

What do you wish your insurance agent would do for you?

Aside from the impossible, what do you wish your insurance agent would offer, help with, take care of for you or do differently?""

If I own property and pay insurance from 2 different insurance companies.?

If something were to happen to my property can I collect money from both insurances?

Why is my car insurance so expensive?

Im 17 an a guy so I understand that insurance would be expensive. I got an Acura integra all stock. It's $190 a month, ******* ridiculous. It's liability only too, and I have a 3.2 gpa which usually brings it down. I also have NO speeding tickets or anything along those lines. Can you suggest another company that doesn't cost me a ****** fortune? I got to pay it all myself""

Is my insurance going to pay? california?

I have a car thats fully covered by Murcury. I lent my car to my boyfriend (not knowing he didnt have a current DL), he was picking something up for me and coming home when he got into an accident. He was found to be at fault and it involved 3 other cars. I am freaking out because we do not have the extra cash to pay out of pocket. will my insurance pay? I know my deductable will go up and so will my rate. I am not worried about that right now. I just want to know if he will be covered because he(even though he has no DL) was driving my fully covered car. CALIFORNIA ONLY""

Any program available for women who are pregnant but don't have insurance in CA?

I have a friend who is one month pregnant but doesn't have an insurance. She is a foreign student, studying in CA. Can she obtain any kind of program to help her with medical cost during and after pregnancy?""

Are you switching your Allstate Insurance?

I currently have home insurance with Allstate. My car insurance is with GEICO. I want them to stay this way. However, Allstate has written me and told me that I must have my home and cars with them or my home insurance will be dropped. Are you in a similar situation? Are you going to stay with Allstate or go with another company. By the way, Allstate is merging with Universal. I don't know anything about Universal and don't really want to go with a less popular company.""

How much would a teens insurance be for an 08 ram 1500?

Family friend is turning 16 in a few months. She's looking to buy an 08 Dodge Ram 1500 from her friend. How much (about) would her insurance be/year? She is being put under her mother & fathers insurance plan. They have no accidents/tickets/anything that would boost their insurance. They have Nationwide. Can anyone give me an estimate of what her yearly or monthly insurance would be?

State Farm or Allstate Car Insurance: Which one is Better?

I'm trying to choose between the two...which one is better?

Would I be able to afford this car and car insurance?

I make $1200 a month. I currently pay $400.00 rent and $70.00 for my phone. I'm looking at a car that would cost me 180.00 a month plus 100-120 in car insurance. Plus groceries. 130 a month. I'm just worried I wouldn't be able to afford this but I really need a car. What if I move out and rent goes up? I'm a stressful person and stress about everything before I commit.I also have a dog to take care of. What do you guys think? Would I be able to afford It or would I be way to close to barely living?

Difficultly getting car insurance ?

i am 17 years old and my mom is buying me a car from a private dealer. the only problem there is is that my mom doesnt have a license so i have no way to get car insurance. i was wondering could i get insurance by myself if my moma signs the papers with me? also can i get a car's title in my name since im 17yrs old?

Tail lights and coop's young driver insurance?

I live in the UK and have been getting decent quotes from cooperatives young driver insurance However if I tick a box on the online quote saying that I have modified the car from the manufacturers specification (but does not let me say what it is that I have changed, ie the taillights) it will not give me a quote. Should I contact them about this or will it be ok to say that I have not modified the car and if I were to have an accident which would damage the tail lights that they would only replace them with manufacture tail lights?""

Ambridge Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 15003

Ambridge Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 15003

How much will my insurance raise after DUI and totaled vehicle?

I totaled my 2005 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Friday night and got a DUI. I have been with Nationwide for a number of years, and had a pretty exemplerary driving record. I was paying about 100 dollars a month full coverage as a 26 year old male on my Jeep. Does anyone have an educated guess at what my insurance rates will do now? I'm trying to decide, when I get my license back and buy a new car, if I should be looking at a sports car with full coverage, or if insurance prices alone are going to make me want to get something cheap with liability coverage. By the way, I live in West Virginia.""

Will my insurance go up after receiving3 points on my license?

I got careless driving and the cop told me it would be 3 points on my license. I took traffic school to remove previous points 6 months ago so I cannot do that. Will these 3 points raise my insurance rate? Also, I was pulled over by an unmarked detective, and he called in a motor cop to write the ticket. Would it be worth taking to court, and if I take it to court, what are the benefits vs. the losses I can face?""

Looking for a car with free insurance.......?

My brother has just passed his driving test and I am trying to help him get a new car but keep the costs down. He is 23 and I was wondering if anyone new of any deals that are on at the moment. He lives in Glasgow if that's any help. Thanks everyone Kevin

Will this affect my auto insurance rate?

I accidentally hit a poll, no one was injured. Only damage to my front bumper. I went to a body shop and the estimate is ~$2000. My deductible is $500. Should I go through my insurance or just pay it out of pocket? Will a claim automatically make my insurance go up? I am a 29 y/o married male with a clean driving record.""

What can I expect for getting caught without auto insurance?

I recently got caught driving without insurance (stupid I know). The cop was nice enough not to impound my car, so he just gave me a ticket with a court date. I'm assuming I can expect a large fine, but what else? Anything?""

How much would car insurance be roughly for?...?

It is a Ford K.A. T 06 plate. I will be 17 when I pass and I was just wondering how much it would be monthly as a rough estimate. Oh and I also live in the United Kingdom.

Life insurance with gerber life?

hey everybody...im thinking of taking life insurance with gerber life..im getting a lot of pish posh from the company, they seem to be circumventing my questions....im curious has anybody ever filed a claim with them regarding the passing of a loved one, or tried to make a claim with them? my dad...god rest his soul tried to get a life insurance policy claimed when his sister passed on, he was beneficary,,and i remember they gave him a hard time about the policy...if you can suggest a life insurance co you have id be intrested....serious answears only please""

How much have you paid for classic car insurance?

I have just bought merc e220 1993 and looking for cheap policy. Im over 30 female and got a wicked quote for fully comp with a named driver for 180. What have you paid?

Where can I get flood insurance?

My insurance agent can't sell me flood insurance. I am not in a known flood zone. My township does not participate with the NFIP. Everyone tells me I can buy insurance but according to all the people who I have asked for it I can't get it. If you know how, let me know, please.""

How to cancel a Car Insurance?

I just got my car and I do have a full coverage insurance for it. I have a 2000 Dodge Neon and I am 20 years old. My insurance company is called Insurance Doctor , and I am paying them 250 a month(which is pretty damn high for my age). But I was wondering HOW much it would cost me to cancel a CAr insurance? and move to my mom's Insurance account?""

Best way to buy health insurance?

I had health insurance, up until Sept., when I could no longer pay the expensive ever-increasing policy. I now have a job, but it does not include benefits. Can I buy health insurance online? I mainly want a low-cost policy that would cover accidents. Thanks for any advice!!""

Where can I get good credit insurance?

I have heard good things about One Source (http://www.onesourcerm.com/) for credit insurance. I would like to hear other peoples thoughts and opinions.

3 Insurance Questions for a young driver?

(What coverage package would be recommended for a young driver?) 1. What coverage would be recommended to best protect you in the event that your car is stolen? 2. What coverage would be recommended to best protect you in the event that you have an accident that is your fault? 3. What coverage would be recommended to best protect you in the event that your car is hit by an uninsured motorist?

Insurance Help for a Teen?

I'm about to get a used 2004 Lexus Sc430 hardtop convertible. It's a V8 with 288 horsepower. My friend has a 400 Horsepower Trans Am but he put his name under his dad's truck as the primary driver so they wouldn't get killed with insurance rates. If I put my name under my dad's tahoe as the primary driver and under the lexus just listed under the car as not the primary driver. Can I get in trouble for this?

I need to know about car insurance plz!!?

Recently my car was involved in a wreck but it was the others party fault in which they admitted to... My question is if I wasn't present when my car was wrecked such that it happened while someone else was driving my car, will his insurance still face responsibility of his actions for my car?""

What is the best way to use technology in comparing insurance premiums for MEDICARE costing?

Many of the baby boomer generation will shortly be reviewing insurance costs for our retirement years - health, medical, prescription and the like. We will need to make decisions based upon retirement income and expenses. I have done some preliminary research and it appears I need to do a lot more. The data for health and medical costs is easily available however there is a ton of it. For this reason, I intend to use spreadsheets to crunch through this and any other tech tool I can locate. One of the problems with this approach is that just about every quote is proprietary, that is each quote has its own bells and whistles which make it more or less expensive than the next company. Although I have spreadsheet skills, I can visualize that any template I make must provide for more assumptions than I want to make. From the above it's clear to me that I need some kind of generic (FREE) spreadsheet template that is not proprietary, combines monthly income and expense (insurance premiums counted as expenses), is not locked in terms of making formula adjustments, and has the ability to forecast. If this is as clear as mud to you, welcome to the crowd. Surely, there are fill in the blanks templates dealing with MEDICARE comparative cost determination. If there are and you are aware of them, please let me know. I would be in your debt. Regards, Rich F. Florida""

What is the average cost of life insurance?

I know individual circumstances apply, but there must be an average monthly cost somewhere. 33 years old, Looking for term life insurance, 500K I was just given a monthly quote for $28 per month""

How much is car insurance typically for a 19 year old in Burlington/Montpelier Vermont?

This would be on an independent coverage, not part of parents plan. It would be a Jetta (if that matters at all).""

Why do people ask yahoo answers about car insurance quotes.?

When its so much quicker, easier and obviously more accurate to either call insurance company or do an online quote.""

Will insurance total out my car?

When insurance companies figure out what your car is worth..do they go by the private sale value or retail? I got a bunch of hail damage and I see the claims dept. tomorrow..just wondering if they might total it out. Damage is just over $6,000...car is worth $6,500 - $8,700 depending on which way they look at it.""

About Health Insurance?

I just went for a job interview this morning, and it seemed to go well. When I was asked if I had any questions about the company, I inquired about their health plan. She turned a little red and said they offered Blue Cross Blue Shield (not uncommon in my region), but then went on to say The company covers 60% and the employee, 40%). She went on to give an explanation about how BCBS charges the company based on the average age of all employees (which in this company's case, is about 45 or something). Anyway, my question is this: What do you think about that? 60 to 40 equation? I'm thinking that my 'out of pocket' (for family - my son and I) will be quite high, and my co pays at the doctor/dentist will be as well... Can anyone help please?""

Question about state farm auto insurance?

My payment was due on the 1st, and now it's the fifth. I just paid it today through online banking. The bank says it may not be processed until tuesday, but i have to get to work before then. Am i fine, since it was technically paid today, or am I just f*cked?""

Car insurance question?

Would it be cheaper to get insurance on a Golf GTI or a older muscle caR? because there are alot of classic car insurance companies who do great deals but i don't know and as a first car by the way. i would of thought as its an older car it would be cheaper

Car insurance?

If i have bought a car but but the car is not insured, then can someone else who is fully comp drive my car?""

How much does it cost to add an additional insured to car insurance?

A ball park figure is fine.

Ambridge Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 15003

Ambridge Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 15003

How much will i pay for health insurance?

im a 46 year old man

Least cost in teen insurance for either buying or leasing a car in NY?

Am i better off leasing a new or used car like a honda accord, toyota corolla or is it cheaper for the insurance to buy an Audi a3""

Cheap car insurance in CA?

I'm 19 and am looking to buy a 06/07 Cobalt SS coupe (non-supercharged) and am wondering what the cheapest insurance would be? Personal experience?

How much would my car insurace be with a used 2007 scion tc?

By time I get the car I will be 18 years old. I have allstate insurance. I drive under my mom and dads name and I have a 3.1 GPA. I've never gottten in a wreck or gotten a ticket and i've been driving for almost a year now. About how much do you think my insurance willl be monthly? Thanks.

How does car insurance work for a student learner?

I'm 21 years old and I just got a permit to learn driving in the state of Illinois. I do not live with my parents, I live with my aunt and uncle who have a car and have auto insurance. How does auto insurance work for someone in my situation? The car I'll be using to practice is not of my parents, and I myself have no auto insurance (I don't own a car or have a DL, obviously) Is auto insurance attached to the car and not the person? Suppose I'm driving a car which has auto insurance of my aunt and uncle, is the car still covered by the insurance? When I take the drivers test using a car that belongs to my aunt/uncle, they will obviously not be present in the car. Will I need to have car insurance at that point to be able to take the exam?""

Does Everybody Have Car INsurance?

Not having it is against the law #1 and #2 very dangerous. I had a friend who didn't have insurance and got in an accident and had to pay $20K in hospital bills.

Auto Insurance question?

First of all, I was involved in an accident. I was hit from the rear and then I slammed into the car in front of me. Im not that smart when it comes to my policy, and I would like to change that. Im not exactly sure where Im covered in this area. Like I said, Im not auto insurance savvy, so if possible, keep explanation of coverage and the location of coverage in general terms. These are based on an average coverage. I need to find the following: The cost of a medical checkup for my passenger The front and rear damage to my car The damage to the car in front of me The damage to the car behind me The total amount of liability protection for bodily harm and property damage Any help would be greatly appreciated.""

How much is tenant liability AKA renters insurance?

I'm thinking about renting a house with a month to month lease at very low cost. These are houses for sale that want income until they are sold. They require $300,000 liability insurance. I know that reputable insurance companies do a credit check just to give a quote that dings your credit rating if you have too many inquiries at the same time. Can someone give me a guestimate? Thanks in advance!""

How much would I pay for my yearly motorcycle insurance?

Thank you for your time. I am a 18 year old freshman university student living in Canada and I am really interested in buying a new motorcycle. I recently got my M1 and I will be going for my M2 next, so I am still kinda inexperienced. I looked at a few motorcycle websites and a couple of them read that motorcycle insurance is affected by age, experience, driving record, bike engine, etc. I figured that a medium sized engine probably wouldn't cost too much so I looked at a bike with 600cc. I am not worried about the initial cost of the bike since my scholarship money out-pays my tuition and housing by an excess of $4000. Also, I have had no history of accidents in cars or anything. I was wondering, based on my history and my status, what would be a good approximation of the yearly insurance I would have to pay given that I am a student and I am looking at a 600cc bike? Any input is appreciated.""

Buying a new/used car & insurance?

Okay, if you are buying a new/used car will they refuse to sell it to you if you have a warrant? How about insurance will the insurance company refuse to insure you & your vehicle if you have a warrant?""

Do you have auto insurance?

Is it mandatory for you to have auto insurance?

""What is the best health care plan for student while attending medical school, like nursing?""

I'm a student nursing and ASAP need some health insurance, including Emergency Room coverage. Does anyone know any type of Health Insurance for medical student like that, affordable and reliable? Greatly appreciate and thanks to all

Financed a motorcycle do i need full coverage or can i buy liabilty?

I know the lender of the loan wants his money even if the bike gets stolen/totaled/breaks down what ever. But why do i need to have full coverage. So if the bike gets stolen/totaled whatever isn't all the lender worried about is getting his money? So if that happens i will tell the lender not to worry i will keep paying payments until the loan is paid off because i dont want to ruin my credit.

How much would insurance cost on a 49cc scooter?

I'm 30 year old and live in Leeds / UK , iv never had a car or motobike before so all this is new to me , I know roughly price of tax ,mot, cbt, but id like to no roughly price of insurance for me on a 49cc scooter so I no how much I can spend on the bike , the bike when id get it would b chained up and stored in a locked garage over night , I'm not able to reply to answers or add info after iv sent this question so more info the better please""

Health insurance for the poor in California?

Does anybody know how to get some kind of free health insurance in Los Angeles? I lost my job and want to go to school full time but I need health insurance. Med-Cal told me you have to be 65 or disabled

Ballpark figure on motorcycle insurance?

First please don't tell me to call my insurance agency, that's why I'm on here. I just want an estimate I'm 17, male, it's a 1999 cbr600f4, I don't want full coverage, just liability, I am on excelsior high honor roll at school, I took the msf course, I have had my moorcycle license for a year now, I live in upstate new york. And would be riding leisurely. Any guesses? How much do u pay, how old are you etc. Thanks!""

I need car insurance in broomfield co?

I have one speeding ticket and i'm 19 years old where can i go to get car insurance cheap i get min wage. and i need full coverage and if you know what full coverage consists of please let me know i have a 2003 dogde neon se

How do you find out if someone that hit you has insurance?

the insurance information i was given after someone hit my car turned out to be fake. my insurance company called his company but was told that the policy # does not exist. so is there a way i can find out through DMV or somewhere his true insurance information? if i can't find it, would this qualify as uninsured since i have uninsured drivers coverage? it would waive my deductible and it would pay for the injuries i suffered in the accident but only if he really is uninsured.""

What is a semi fast car that has a semi cheap insurance rate for a 16 year old new driver?

I am trying to find a car that is fast enough that i can have some fun in but im not going to be spending a lot for insurance. I also want to have a car htat would be good to hook up.

Insurance coverage for stolen car?

Car was stolen, then recovered, with some damage. I have comprehensive. Insurance company is sure to cover body work. Will they also check and/or compensate me for less obvious damage (i.e. the wear and tear to the car incurred from being drag-raced for several hours)? Will they compensate me for items of value stolen out of the car? How does that work?""

Cost to insure a 1987 Fiero GT?

Hi, I'm 16 and I currently drive a 1999 Honda Civic sedan and I'm wondering how much more money it would cost to insure me driving an '87 Fiero GT? My dad won't let me get it because of the up in price, any suggestions from you guys to persuade him???""

How much will insurance be on a 2004 Nissan Maxima SL?

By the time I get the car I will be like 18 and 1/2. I will be under my parents policy and I only get into one accident (very minor) but it was at no fault. Parents got into no accidents in the last like 5 years. I want a rough estimate on how much it will be a year for the car I am going to get. Thanks

What is the average employee portion of a health insurance policy?

What percentage of the health insurance costs do most companies cover (I recognize that this can vary greatly, but I am looking for general numbers)? For Cigna - what is the average monthly cost for a family consisting of parents and one child (likewise, I recognize that this can vary greatly - I am just trying to get a ballpark figure)? I ask these as my current employer (250+ people) is offering Cigna insurance for about $750 a month which covers my wife, myself and my daughter. They claim to be covering 50% of the health insurance plan, but I am having a hard time buying the explanation that health insurance is just expensive...especially as my sister and brother are paying $50-70 a month for individual insurance. I do not want to have to go and get a quote somewhere and can not find a site that has general information like this - any thoughts, advice, sources of information would be welcome!""

Do porches have the most insurance rate?

Do porches have the most insurance rate?

Someone hits me and I have no car insurance?

I live in Texas and was wondering what would happen if someone was to hit me with it being their fault and I didn't have insurance?

Ambridge Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 15003

Ambridge Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 15003

Education in finance and insurance?

I am 43 and working as middle level executive in insurance.I would like to know about some advanced courses in life insurance and finance.

AAA car insurance question?

I've been with State Farm since the 1970's, but am a member of AAA. I was going to take my State Farm papers down to the AAA office and see if they could give me a better rate. My question is, does anyone have any experience with AAA car insurance? Good or bad, I'd like to hear about it.""

Which is the best of the car insurance price comparison websites?

And is there like a website that you can go to that lets you compare them easily?

How much would small business insurance be?

This is for a marketing assignment. The business is a small gardening and cooking school for children. There are about 8 staff and activities should be pretty safe, since they're aimed at young people. The business is just starting out. What the instructions mention is: 1.property damage 2. public liability 3. vehicle 4. theft 5. personal disability 6. professional indemnity Kids hire their own bus to come here and staff ust use their own cars to go to and from work, so does the vehicle thing need to be included? The building is just a suburban rental property that costs us $400 rent each week. Also, this is just a minor part of the assignment, so a guess is fine. Thanks for any help!""

I receive a health insurance stipend but keep it in savings instead. is this okay?

i went from being fully covered with my company in los angeles, but i moved to new york 7 months ago, where their insurance doesn't cover. in lieu of this, they give me a stipend. however, it's not nearly enough to cover cost of insurance here, so i've been putting it in a savings account until i can afford a plan in my budget and/or emergency health situations. my boss just asked me for proof of insurance. i will tell the truth of the matter, but what will happen? what can they do?""

""Health insurance for young, healthy people?""

I'm trying to find a health insurance plan made for someone like me- 26, male, non-smoker,non-drinker, currently at ideal weight, regularly exercises, no health conditions, no prescriptions, etc. I mostly want something that'll cover check-ups with maybe a small co-pay, and then has a high deductable for a broken bone/ sports injury etc. Everything available at my job seems to cater to the chronically ill/ older/ heavy prescription user. private plans are to much per month. This is why I decline medical benefits, year after year! I know any of these plans would be helpful in the case of serious injury- just in case. But none seems to offer any tangible benefits like, I don't know, 2 doctor visits a year? Every plan requires that I exhaust my deductable first- I'll never spend 250-1000 a year for doctors visits! I'm guessing, based on cost that a high deductable plan is best for my broken bone scenario- but how can then screw me out of seeing a doctor just to get a check up?""

""What to do, can't afford Automobile insurance 17 year old male.?

I'm 17 been driving since i was 15 i have quite a few tickets but no moving violations never once. only expired tags and stuff like that. i had insurance all when i was 16 in my name $130 a month. well i lost my job and all i moved out of my moms and on my own now and i got another job but that barely covers rent and food money. i went everywhere last few days and can't find insurance cheap. everyone tells me its $250 down and 200 a month. the cheapest i found it was $200 down and $160 a month im in Houston Tx and its a 94 mustang Gt im trying to insure. Seriously what do they expect me to do? im a 17 year old kid and they expect me to pay out the *** for insurance? how do they expect me to do that? what should i do? i got a 25 mile drive to work everyday what would u guys recommend me to do? all seriousness though i dont wanna get car impounded.

Car insurance legal team?

Do you have to use the legal team that comes with your car insurance or can you choose an independent one? Had an accident and am not happy with the insurance company's attitude - we had a rear end collision.

Would insurance consider a 6 cylinder Pontiac grand am/prix a sports car?

i want a grand am/prix as my first car but my parents cant afford sports car insurance for a brand new 16 year old driver, also what could my parents expect to pay up to on insurance. ...show more""

Car insurance for new license holder?

what will be the prize of normal car insurance??? (i meant % of car prize) If the license is new what will the prize?? Im from dubai.. so i want to according to dubai market rate..

How much does motorcycle insurance usually cost?

I'm 18 with a honda super blackbird cbr 1100x in Colorado

How much would it cost for a 17 year old for provisional drivers insurance?

How much around, price brackets?""

Can I buy 1 months insurance ? ( under 21)?

Hi all, Been looking around for 1 -2 months insurance cover for under 21 in the Uk. It's been difficult to find anything on the internet. Can I actually buy this? Or would I just have to buy yearly Insurance? Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.""

Auto insurance question.?

I was in an accident and my auto insurance has a limit of 5000 medical. I went over the $5000 medical bills. Will my private health insurance cover the overage?

Is it possible to switch car insurance?

If someone wanted to switch their car insurance over to a cheaper one because theirs got raised because of points, will it also raise on the insurance they want to switch to?""

Will my wreck affect my dads insurance rates?

I'm on my step dads insurance on his buisness truck. If I got into a wreck would it affect his insurance rates or just mine.

Will my car insurance go up if I was side swapped while driving a friends car?

I was 100% not at fault. We called cops, etc... But my question is will my personal car insurance go up? I was driving my friends car..""

As a young adult where did you buy your auto insurance and how much did you pay a month?

well i am 19 i am looking for a auto insurance company. i have a 2003 4runner. so what insurance company did you get at my age. and which would you recommend to me? preferably an insurance that is cheap my father paid like 130 per month for this car under his insurance (but he is old lol)

Car insurance for you drivers?

i am a 18 year old male and looking for car insurance on something like a micra, punto, clio or something small like that but the cheapest i can find is 3000 with tesco and thats as a named driver on my dads insurnace. Is there anywere cheaper that anyone knows of ? how much do other people pay? also it is a full uk licence i have and i have had it less than a year""

How Long Is A Car Insurance Quote Good For?

wanted to know

Where do I but non car owner insurance?

I need to get my licence and here in NC they require you to have insurance to get your licence wher do I go to buy non car owners insurance at the best price?

How to reduce the price of your insurance for a 18 year old? (in the UK)?

Hey, i just wanted to know if anyone knew ways to reduce the price. At the moment i know some insurance companies reduce the price if you have done something called pass plus Also adding a parent onto YOUR policy can also reduce the cost (not the other way round, that's illegal if you drive it more then they do!) Thanks, i only want a Ford Fiesta, but insurance is looking at 1500+!""

I am currently finishing my prerequisites to get into nursing school and I am interested in the different...?

I am almost done with the prerequisites and the huge waiting lists for ALL nursing schools...state and community college...are scaring me. I started to look into the trade schools that offer the RN programs and I know they are more expensive but I was wondering if employers look at them differently. If I decide to go to a trade school I wonder if it will be a disadvantage. Could anybody please give me advice. Thank you.

What is the most affordable personal medical insurance carrier you have found?

I know that no medical insurance is cheap, especially when you have to buy a personal policy not given thru your work. But, I have to get coverage for me and my husband. We just need basic insurance I guess....Like for medical and dentist visits. Have you found a more affordable insurance carrier? Or have any advice on what to look for in a new one? Thanks!""

Car Insurance on a 2007 Dodge Charger SXT?

I am a 17 year old guy and i was just wondering roughly how much insurance would be on this car. I know its probably really high i just wanted kind of a rough estimate ! -I have my G2 -I completed Drivers Ed -I live in Ontario -The car is used

Ambridge Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 15003

Ambridge Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 15003

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/affordable-car-insurance-las-vegas-nv-joe-sanders/"

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affordable renter insurance austin ballpark

"affordable renter insurance austin ballpark

affordable renter insurance austin ballpark

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

How can I afored health insurance on a fixed income?It will cost me a thired of my income ?

I am on a very fixed income with no health insurance. Even the government subsidized is to much, and my income won't let me get medicade. So what are the people in my case suppose to do for health care? What can you do when a third of your income has to pay for your insurance.""

How can someone get health care if insurance denies them?

My mom was seeing a psychiatrist and on lots of meds a few years ago. She since lost her job and kaiser and all the insurance companies won't cover her. She's been sick for two weeks and had to go to the emergency room yesterday. She can't afford to get care without insurance and I'm really worried about her, she's throwing up and passing out with a fever and all the emergency room gave her were antibiotics and said it might be a kidney infection. I told her to go to Mexico to find an affordable doctor but she can't even get out of bed. Any suggestions? I'm thinking of taking next semester off and giving her my student loan as a last resort.""

Typically how much does it cost to have renters insurance?

Typically how much does it cost to have renters insurance?

Why is my insurance qoutes so high!?

hey all, I am a 17 year old male, live in cumbria. i realise this is a c rated insurance post code, i understand that. what i do not understand is why when i put in qoutes for the exact same car, exact same details all bar the name, my insurance skyrockets. i get qoutes of 3200 on a corsa 1.0 and the like (small, 1.2 or less cars) whereas friends, even 1 of which lives 5 doors away from me, get qoutes of about 2400. why is this? i understand the post code part, but the thing is all my friends being qouted live in the same area, in the same town, same estate in fact, our first four letters of our postcodes are the same, i thought this was what determined the post code factor. im currently a student, ive put down i have held my license for 4 months, i am the registered owner and keeper of the car, i am the policy holder, even added a parent with 30+ years experience on (which by the way only saved me 100) and i got 3200. my friend on the same street got 2400. why is this? also, can anyone recommend a cheap insurance company, as a young driver? eg. under 19 really, because i know car insurance has almost doubled in like 3 years. no wonder people are illegaly driving with this daylight robbery scam called insurance. thanks""

Question about car insurance on L PLATES in england?

Hi there,i was wondering if you could please help me here i am due to take my theary test soon but befour i do i was going to get a car and drive round on L PLATES with my lessons aswell so i can get extra experiance,i was just wondering if i am to do this il get the car inshored forwhat it costs me to insure say its 700 a year when i have passed my best i will wanna take the L PLATES off,will i have to pay more for my insurance after this or can i just take them off and drive as normal when i have passed my test?because if i got insured on LPLATES it is cheaper then a first pasts driver thas why i was confused.if you could please let me know because i really could do with the estra experiance....and also i was told that who ever i drive round with on LPLATES has to be insured on my car for them to be able to instruct me is this true? thanks for your time and help many thanks, Andrew.""

Looking for cheap car insurance?

I havent done my test or anything yet but wanted to see how much a vaxhaull corsa 1998 or something was noone in my family drives and id park my car outside my front , i tried doin a quote to see how mch it would be and it came up the cheapest was 3 grand , im only 18 aswell , does somebody think im putting something in wrong or is it just really hard for me to find cheap insurance ?""

Why do insurance take so long to settle a claim Both partys have the same insureance?

My daughter was hit by a student whos is a policeman with schools the student was speeding neither one was given a ticket We hve the same insurance

""Hit by a car, license suspended in California, will the insurance cover the damage? will i get in trouble?

I was driving then the traffic lights turned red so i stopped. few second later i heard a loud breaking sound and 2 seconds later a car hit me. the problem is that my car is under my ...show more

Whats the cheapest insurance company?

I need to know the cheapest car insurance to use? I'm an 18 y/o female single living in Portland,OR I graduated Ive never been in a car accident I took drivers Ed The car ...show more""

Why would young people refuse to sign up for inexpensive health insurance?

Don't they know they will soon be older people in need of affordable health care? Or that community rated affordable insurance depends on a high rate of participation? Why would they want to subvert a system they will soon depend on?

Fastest car to insure cheaply?

hi. im 18 yrs old with only 1 yr's ncb. im looking for a car which is both cheap to insure, and fairly quick. any ideas what i should get?""

Auto Insurance: Name Insured and Operator...?

We have two cars and they both titled/registered under my mom's name. I take one of hers to college about 50 miles away and use it daily. Today, we switched to another insurance because of lower premium. This new company issued us a set of new insurance ID card. On the card, there is only my mom's name on the name insurance (it has both of our name on the old insurance company). My name is only listed in the coverage page on the premium as an operator. Now, my questions: 1. Should it has her name only or both of our names? 2. If there is only her name, am I insured when I get into an accident (knock on wood)? 3. If I let my friend drive my car in a special occasion, and he got into an accident. Which company should I claim, his or mine? What if he doesn't have any insurance? Would my insurance rate go up after on? 4. If I drive my friend's car and I get into an accident (both of us have insurance). Again, Which company should be claimed, his or mine? Would my insurance go up? Thanks.""

Car Insurance question ( British Columbia)?

My boyfriend was driving me car and crashed it. Everything is on my insurance.They said the cost of my insurance will be up for three years. and then it will go back to normal. If I don't get insurance for those three years will it go away or will I still have to pay it when I go to get insurance after the three years?

Need help with Car Insurance?

I am a 17 year old in california, who just bought a 92 Buick Skylark and I need to no what would be my best bet when it comes to getting insurance, I would like cheap insurance""

How much do you pay per year for home owners insurance?

i am buying property in northern virginia and just want a general idea of the price. its fine if you dont live around here, or own a single family instead of a townhouse. its whatever, i just have no clue what even a reasonable amount to be charged is btw, sorry if this is a repost but when i post in the business-insurance section all i get are spam links for responses""

How much pain and suffering from my auto accident?

In Feb (2 months ago) I was rear ended at an intersection by a drunk driver. It was 3pm, I was on my way to class, and he hit me out of nowhere. This was his second offense. He was arrested that day on DUI/drug charges. He was fully insured by Nationwide Insurance. Turns out he has a LONG list of driving violations, speeding tickets, and such. I was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and then went again the next day. I have been to my medical doctor and chiropractor since then. I had never been in the hospital before, or to a chiropractor, and my neck/back are now messed up. I have had a MRI, and a ton of prescription. I have lost the natural curve in my neck, my vertebra are out of alignment, and I am having BAD, BAD headaches. I had $3000 damage to my car, and over $5000 in medical bills. How much pain and suffering can I get? Until this point, I was healthy, and fit. Since then, I cant work out at the gym, and Im getting headaches which affect my concentration, and sometimes my vision... Im only 24. What am I entitled too?""

""Best insurance company? People with actual experience, having made a claim please.?""

Hi, I am wondering what you consider to be the best insurance company -- mainly for auto, but also maybe for combination auto and home. Please, I need people who have had more experience with the company than just buying their insurance there. I need people who have actually had to make a claim and to tell me how good the company was about it and if they were quick to respond and take care of the situation. Also, did your rates go up as a result? Also, good prices are very important to me. Where did you get reasonable rates with great service? These could be traditional or online insurance providers. I am looking into all options, so I appreciate any input, although like I said before, I need to know from people who have made a claim -- or done more than just pay for insurance. Thank you for all your help.""

Im a 29 single mother of 4 I was wondering should I get whole life insurance or term?

I dont know which one is the better choice at my age

Teen Insurance on Geico?

My parents have geico. I have a 3.65 gpa, i make good grades, no tickets, nothing. i was eligible for my license in november. what kind of discounts can i get ? what kind do they offer ? btw, i'm 16, going on 17 [not to sound like that commercial or anything] i'll be 17 in july. thanks !""

Life Insurance - Can I insure my mom?

I am 34 years old. My mom is in her late 60's and in good health. Can I get a life insurance policy on her and collect on it when she passes? I can't imagine this being so - how could insurance companies stay in business if it were this easy? The monthly rates that I'm seeing seem to good to be true - I'd be stupid to not do it. I'm thinking I must be missing something. Is life insurance only for accidental death? Thank you.

""My husband has bad knee pain, but doesn't want to go to the dr. due to having no insurance.?""

my husband dislocated his knee 3 months ago and has been in excruciating pain lately. He can't bend, walk on, put weight on his knee without it giving out and making him fall. He wont go to the dr, since we don't have any insurance (in orange co, calif) and he feels that IF he does go then they will put him in a brace or something that will hinder him from working. And since we are living paycheck to paycheck we can't afford to have him miss a lot of work. Meanwhile, he is in a very, very grumpy mood (which I can understand) and he keeps getting himself drunk so the pain will go away or is more manageable yet we all know that it wont help. Is there any advice as to what to do to make him go to the Dr? or does anyone know of a place that we can go that will actually help him out with the xray/mri/ct that he will most likely need??""

Auto insurance wrong information!!?

Relatively, I am a new resident in the USA, I have been here for 18 months only, and I am trying to get a car insurance. The problem is the insurance companies give a huge discount for those who got licensed in the USA or Canada at age 16, but they do not consider other countries. For this reason I have to pay a ridiculous amount of money to get the state minimum requirements for auto insurance. In fact I have been licensed in my country since 1998.. I wonder what's the influence if I choose to answer yes when the insurance company agent asks me whether I got licensed at age 16 or not in the USA or Canada? Because technically I am already licensed at that age but not here!!""

What is a rough guess what insurance for a 97 Yamaha yzf1000 would cost?

Im looking at getting a 97 Yamaha YZF1000 and was wondering about how much i would be paying for insurance?

Insurance for a 16 year old on a hyundai tiburon?

Hi, i'm looking at cars to get when i turn 16. I'm thinking of a hyundai tiburon. I would like to know how much the insurance on this kind of car for me would be, in michigan. if you have any idea, let me know. thanks !""

Cheap V8 cars to buy? (under $15k)?

I am looking to buy my first car in about April and I need something cheap to start with as I will be selling it for a better car once I make the money. I am going to start working after April so need a cheap car to get to work. I have always been interested in V8's because of the sound. I would like a 4 door too. What do you have in mind?

affordable renter insurance austin ballpark

affordable renter insurance austin ballpark

How come my name isn't listed on the auto insurance card even though i AM insured?

My parents have bought auto insurance but whenever they send the insurance card (proof of insurance), only their names are on there. However, if you look up our policy number, I AM an insured driver. Why is that? How am I suppose to carry an insurance card? Is it because I'm under 18?""

Car Insurance Cancelled due to not sending documentation...?

I recently had a car insurance policy cancelled due to not sending off my documentation (driving licence & counterpart) in time. So, I started to apply for a new quote, and it asked if I'd ever had a policy cancelled, I ticked yes, and in comparison to begin with the quote doubled. This was because of the cancelled policy. I assume they do this because people have policies cancelled due to non payments, however, obviously mine wasn't. Is there any way I can get around this because it wasnt actually cancelled because I didn't pay...?? Please help, as an 18 year old girl car insurance is expensive enough! Thanks""

""1959 dodge coronet car insurance help, read details?""

first car, going under my own name and im starting my own insurance acount, im 20 years old, does anyone have an idea of how much i would be paying every year? i havent fully bought the car yet and wanted some opinions and guesstimates of how much ill be paying for her. get back to me, thanks.""

Affordable Care Act - Will I have to buy insurance?

I'm young and just starting out. I'm only going to make like 12-15K per year... Will I have to purchase insurance or pay the tax penalty?

""How much does it cost to be on birth control w/ no insurance, how often do you have to see a doctor?

thanks

""Arizona requires proof of auto insurance if you're stopped, why is that different than proof of citizenship?""

Arizona requires proof of auto insurance if you're stopped, why is that different than proof of citizenship?""

How much does motorcycle insurance cost?

I'm 17 and live in the Ann Arbor area in Michigan. I'm looking at buying a Kawasaki Ninja 500, and was wondering how much insurance would cost for it?""

Why should someone who is say 40 get cheaper car insurance than a 17 year old?

If for instance they passed on the same day, why should a 17 year be categorised as less responsible than a 40 year old in terms of driving ability? Particularly when chances are due to the insurance gaps and most probably the earnings of these two hypothetical people the 40 year old would be able to afford a more powerful car...""

What options are availible to me for life insurance for my father who has pre existing conditions?

My dad over the past several years has seen his health go down hill, and until recenly, i have not been able to afford a life insurance policy for him. He has had strokes and heart attacks, so there are some pre existing conditions. Are there any life insurance policies that are affordable, that would cover him? Im just looking for something that would cover funeral cost.""

How much does Whole Life insurance cost?

I have a quote for 20-year term life insurance for a non-smoker for $48 a month. How much would it be a month for whole life insurance?

""I want a 2005 mustang for my fist car, how much would the insurance be ($prices?) I have state farm insurance?""

I really want a 2005 Ford Mustang (NOT a GT) for my fist car. Please give prices of how much the insurance would be if I had state farm insurance. Thank You, and please give me good prices so my dad will get me a mustang!!!""

Why is car insurance compulsory here in FL?

I own my car. The cheapest car insurance here (only) covers $10k on damages which is called PIP insurance and it is required by law. If the PIP insurance only covers $10k on damages, and I have more than 10k dollars on my bank account why in helllllll do I have to give my hard-earned money to these moth*rfu(kers? Sorry for my temperament but I need a clear explanation on this. If I am willing to give those $10k to my car insurance which is the only that they cover on damages if I crashed, why wouldn't they accept the dial and stop charging me monthly in my whole life? and return me those 10K when I stop driving? Again, I'll explain it easier. I'd give $10k to my car insurance till I crash. 10K is what they only cover. Why would they charge me every month needlessly? I have never crashed in my life. I have never filled a claim, then why would I have to pay my car insurance when they only cover $10k nothing else. ( I have been driving more than 15 years)""

62 year old mother wants to retire but has no medical insurance...Ideas?

My 61 year old mother wants to retire next year. She doesn't qualify for medicare till 65. She has diabetes and chronic bronchitis. How would she get affordable medical care if ...show more

16 year old car insurance?

im about to buy a 1997 honda civic ex and i was wondering what my car insurance might be if it helps im a guy in florida and im 16 thanks

""What is the best cheap, reliable car insurance and why?""

So I'm buying car insurance by myself for the first time and need to know what you feel is the best cheap car insurance and why? And in case anyone feels like being a smart butt, yes I do mean in America lol.""

Approximately how much is Home Owners Insurance?

I'm sure it varies by location and value of the house, but approximately how much is homeowners insurance?""

Can Hit and Run increase my insurance rate?

I parked my car on the street and found on the next morning that it was hit. If I report this to the insurance company, will my premium get increased? It wasnt really my fault that somebody hit me. I have a perfect driving records and no accidents in the past 6 years.""

Question about car insurance?

My husband made a dent in his car when trying to park. He now wants to fix the dent. Can car insurance cover this?

How much would insurance cost if i drove an Audi S4 at the age of 16?

what would be the average insurance cost?

""CAR INSURANCE FOR A 17-YEAR-OLD, 5000 quotes. Genuinely can't find any quotes less than 5000?""

1.3 KA 2002, immobiliser, no tracker fitted yet (intend on). Not bought the car. 17-year-old as the main driver and owner, passed a month ago (roughly). I know it's obvious, but KAs are the easiest cars to buy, the car is valued at 995 (the one in mind). I can literally find 5000 quotes. The car is worth less than one fifth of this. And yes, I know that car insurance will be expensive, but reading over forums etc, some people have managed to get it down to 2000. I've tried Diamond, elephant, comparethemarket, gocompare, literally everywhere. Admiral won't give me a quote and places like Tesco will only quote 18-year-olds. I will literally LOVE anyone who knows of any quotes around 2000-3000. Any less, I believe is impossible. And I realise that insurance companies take the Michael, but please don't state the obvious with a comment like Insurance will be expensive - 5000 is about right , surely it can't be, I've found so many forums of people saying they have quotes from 2000, but not telling me where from. ):""

Can anyone recommend an insurance carrier for insuring the contents of a house move (besides the movers)?

I am moving the contents of my house from California to Colorado using the PODS mover and storage - PODS insurance is very expensive and covers virtually nothing so I would like to find a reliable insurance company that will cover my belongings during transit and storage

Why do Conservatives have a problem with buying health insurance but not car insurance?

They care more about their cars than human life typical! How can they be so selfish!? I don't see millions of conservatives complaining about being forced to buy car insurance. Typical conservative hypocrisy!

Car accident and lapse of insurance...?

Alright, this is part two of my question. To recap, on March 25 I was in a two car motor vehicle accident in California. I had no idea that my insurance had lapsed because I had moved before the notice was sent out. Therefore, I told the police that I had insurance under my current holder. Both parties feel the other person was at fault for this accident. My car was totaled while his only had minor damage. Myself and my passenger were hurt, while the other car's passengers werent. Now, my questions are as follows: 1. Do I need to call the police and let them know that I had no insurance, but just reinstated it yesterday? 2. Will I be facing jail time or just fines? I am willing to pay anything in order to clear this up. 3. Will I lose my license? 4. What other steps do I now need to take to resolve this issue? I've never had a wreck before and I have a clean criminal record, so I am a newbie to this process. Please help me!""

Car Insurance Question?

I am 17, have my license with no restrictions and I live with my parents who have 5 registered and insured cars. By law am I required to have insurance since I am a minor with a non restricted license? My parents will let me drive with them uninsured but How is it different if I drive alone? Insurance stopped covering me 6 months ago when I had to drive with them on my permit, and my mom never put me on the policy. I am also the only junior in my school who can drive but doesn't because my parents are hiding me. Do I by law need insurance because I have a license as a minor and have registered and insured cars in my household?""

What's the difference between California state income tax and state disability insurance tax?

I just started working in CA and noticed a deduction for state income tax AND state disability insurance on my first paycheck. My state income tax deduction was about .25% and the SDI deduction was 1%. I looked online at various tax calculators and none of them mentioned an additional 1% tax on top of the state income tax rates. Please let me know what the state income taxes are here. Thanks.

affordable renter insurance austin ballpark

affordable renter insurance austin ballpark

Getting insurance for a car?

my step daughters cousin is buying her a used car. tiffany does not have a license yet. she has her learners permit. we live in pennsylvania. her cousin does not want the insurance in her name she wants my step daughter to get it. can you get insurance without a license? she lives with her dad, can she get on his policy? would she automaticaly be on her cousins insurance since she will own the car? thank you""

Are classic cars cheap to insure?

for example all cars older then 1990: trans am and camaro's older then cadillac eldorado's older then rolls royce silver shadow chevy belair dodge charger chevrolet suburban mercedes 500sel mercedes 500sl and other american and classic european cars

What is select life insurance?

My insurance agent wants me to update my insurance plan with select life insurance. They explained select life insurance to me, but I want someone who is not trying to sell it to me to explain it to me. So could someone reexplain select life insurance so that I know the pros and cons?""

Is there a price auto-insurance difference between a 2 door and 4 door Honda Civic?

Here is my situation which could possibly affect the the insurance pricing. I just turned 16 and my dad and I are looking at a 2008 Honda Civic EX-L Coupe and Honda Civic EX/LX (not sure model) Sedan. He is worried the insurance will cost more for the 2 door coupe? Will this make a difference in insurance cost? My logic is that a Honda Civic 2 door is not exactly that much of a sporty vehicle and is still a very reliable car so I need a good answer. Thanks

How much higher is insurance for a camaro z28?

i was wondering what the real world difference is between an early model fourth-gen camaro z28 versus a later model more modest car, such as a 2004 cavalier or 1999 acura CL? i have gotten quotes online but there doesnt seem to be much difference and everyone hypes the insurance for these kinds of cars so much. i am 16 and a guy so insurance is high in general. thanks.""

Wats a great car to buy for a new driver?

sporty fast car low on insurance small engine affordable

Can I get my own auto insurance?

I am 16 years old and about to buy a car. My mother doesn't drive, so she doesn't have auto insurance. Would I be able to get insurance if she doesn't have her license? If so, with what company?""

What do car insurance investigators do?

My fiancee is an excluded driver on my car ins. He was driving my vehicle one day and got into a very small 'fender bender'. His fault. Barely bumped the lady. When she filed a claim, my insurance called me. Well of course I tried to convince them that i was driving the vehicle, but they don't believe me. My own car insurance. Aren't they supposed to be behind you and not the other driver? But anyway, he said SINCE he doesnt believe me, he's going to get insurance fraud investigators to do some investigating. The woman's car isnt worth but $900 blue book value. The fix of her bumper cost $1600. I'm not understanding why this is a big deal. I get that I'm trying to cover myself and have ins cover it, and lying about it, so please don't scold me for that. I'm just trying to get advice on this, and what i should do NOW. I'm not sure if the whole investigation thing is a joke, or something serious. Also, if i were to turn around and tell them that my fiancee was really driving, what would they do now that I've lied? Does car ins go on your credit if they drop you? HELP!""

""Car insurance, sports cars, young drivers?""

I'm looking into a 1996 Mitsubishi Eclipse when I turn 18 for my first car. Does anybody have any idea on how much I'm looking at insurance wise per month? Other cars I'm also looking into are Firebirds, Camaros, Eagle Talons, Mitsubishi 3000 GT Is the insurance for these cars going to be the same amount?""

Rebuttel for car insurance?

I just got this new job getting info for a insurance agent so they can do a quote for a person. I was wondering what is a good rebuttel when ppl say they are not interested in the quate. Its free and they get the quote mailed to them.

Car insurance?

Car Insurance help? I have a provisional liscence and my husband has a full liscence. Our insurance is full comp. He is covered to drive any car. Does that also apply to me if someone is sat by the side of me.

""When settling with an auto insurance company after a car accident, what is an appropriate amount to request?""

I hurt my neck (muscle strain, nothing broken) in a car accident and have exhaused the Personal Injury Protection with the insurance company. They said to call them after my physical therapy was completed to settle for the pain and suffering. The neck pain is still there and will most likely be chronic regardless of any additional physical therapy. I've heard that people are typically given 2X the amount of medical expenses. I don't want to hire a lawyer but don't want to get less than I deserve either. Any advice on how much to ask for would be appreciated.""

Can i pay gor someone elses car insurance?

Right so my mum bought a car and I love my mummy so I offered to pay for her car insurance but she said I won't be able to do that for some reason so (I'm her son btw) what I'm asking is if I put all the details in her name but put me down as an additional driver can I pay for the car insurance ?, it's cheaper that way too (for me) lol""

What kind of liability insurance do gyms have?

I was playing some basketball on a guest pass at the gym yesterday. I rolled my ankle and just left thinkin it wasnt that bad, decided to sleep on it. turns out, it's a lot worse than I thought and I can't even walk on it today. I dont have any health insurance, or any means to pay these medical bills right now. Do gyms usually have insurance for things like this or are you on your own?""

Car Registration and Insurance Company?

So, here is my predicament. A person wrecked into my car (while it was parked) and her Insurance Company (State Farm) has already sent out a person to do estimates and told me it is a Total Loss, which is fine, they offered me a lot more then blue book says, BUT my issue at the moment is, they told me I need to get my registration up to date before they would deal with me anymore (Was expired by a month cause my lack of insurance). So I rode up to a Tag Agency and got a Black Tag (In Oklahoma, we have color coated Registration stickers that we put on our License Plate) A Black Tag means it is not being driven and is parked but is up to date on being registered. So they told me they would call me back when it shows in their system I have registered my tags to up-to-date, and I called them today, which was over 48 hours after getting registration and they are still telling me they haven't heard anything. So I'm curious, did I do something wrong or is the Tag Agency slow? Or Insurance Company slow? (I'm impatient cause I need a car ASAP for work.)""

""When your 18 and still in high school, does the car insurance company still check your grades for a discount?

My younger sister recently turned 18 and got her license. She's in dying need of insurance but she's a D average student and ashamed to show her grades. Does the car insurance discount still apply to students who are 18?

Car insurance question.?

If I buy a car from my uncle, and do not drive it do I still have to pay for insurance on it? Extra info: I only have my permit and get my license in October. So I don't plan on driving it until October. I don't want to have to pay insurance on a car I wont be driving until a couple of months. Thanks in advance.""

Car insurance for teenagers?

Is there any teenagers (MALE) who have got a quote for less than 600 with 1 years no claims bonus? If so, which insurance company is it with? The prices im getting are insane! I live in the UK.""

""Which monthly expense is more expensive: car payment with insurance, or health insurance?""

Wining and dining, or health insurance? Travel and accomodations, or health insurance? Cigarettes or health insurance? Street drugs or health insurance?""

How much would the in insurance be on a 1985 CHEVROLET CAMARO Z28?

i just turend 16 and ill get my licenes in about 3 months and i saw a 1985 CHEVROLET CAMARO Z28 the other day that im thinking about buying and i was wondering about how much the ...show more

How much would an insurance premium rise if you has 2 speeding tickets?

Now, I am considering adding myself to my husbands policy(for his car). I went 15 years without a single ticket, and then this past year I recieved two speeding tickets within 6 months. I was only going 5 mph over on one, and 7 mph on the other. Will the agent factor this in, or is speeding, speeding no matter how fast..It was NOT fast enough to be consdered wreckless driving. Neither of us have ever had an accident...(thank you lord!) Alos- How long does it take for tickets to come off your record? And are they also basing premiums off credit? I have good credit, so could that help the speeding issue?""

Auto insurance question?

I am looking into financing a 2007 honda civic coupe ex. It is a 1.8 liter inline 4 motor. Front wheel drive and automatic with almost 68,000 miles on it. In florida, you have to get full coverage until you finish paying off the car. I am 23 with 2 traffic tickets. One for a stop sing violation and another for no proof of insurance. Both tickets were given to me at the same time almost 3 years ago. Thats the only 2 tuckets ive ever had. I live in the country as well because i know that matters for a quote. But with this information, what would be a good estimate on how much full coverage insurance would be on this vehicle? Thanjs in advance.""

I'm trying to get life insurance for myself and my son. what company offer best benefit?

where from los angeles, ca. i never smoke...don't drink alcohol.. and what things that i should know for getting life insurance? and what is the best coverage? advice pls?""

How much would my insurance rate differ if i bought a car with cash or financed?

I am 16 years old and the quote i received for buying the car in cash was about 1200 a year. how much more would my insurance be if i financed ?

Classic car insurance for 17 year old?

i really wanna drive, and i dont really have a taste for most modern motors. so ive been looking at an 80's mk2 fiesta. i think its a sweet motor, a 1.1 is a good size engine for cost cutting and the XR2 models look like a great starter/driver car. though a look alike would be fine! problem is i cant find classic insurance that will insure a young driver on a classic insurer policy. any help, names i should call? all help appreciated!!!""

affordable renter insurance austin ballpark

affordable renter insurance austin ballpark

File auto insurance claim or pay out-of-pocket in NJ?

My 17yo daughter just got her graduated NJ license, skidded on wet corner, causing $1300 in damage to wheel & susp. We have $500 deductible. Can we ask our insurance co. how much our rates will go up if we file a claim, or will that automatically flag her for additional points?""

What would be a good insurance for a 19 year old new driver?

Ok so heres the deal, Im 19 and looking to get a car for school. I go to school in upstate ny and wanna move off campus so i need one for transportation. What would be a good insurance company to go to for cheap insurance for student drivers? Im going to buy a used car off of craigslist, my mom doesnt drive and theres no option for going on a family members insurance. Im doing this all on my own, getting a car, paying insurance and all. Im looking on getting a 2001-04 mitsubishi eclipse or lancer just for an idea. But i dont wanna be stuck paying like 400 bucks insurance at geico or like statefarm, student driver discount my ***. Suggestions would be helpful, not a rant about how i have to think about insurance and gas and maintenence im well aware of all that, i wouldnt be getting a car if that. Thanks.""

How do i get health insurance on my own?

i am a senior in high school and i am about to graduate and go to college, I am currently in track so if i twist my ankle then i am done and I haven't have any kind of health insurance since my family immigrant here three years ago, my dad cant speak Eng so he stays home and my mom works really hard for my bro and me, i don't have car/health insurance and yet i drive and when ever i get sick i have to deal with it myself, I am really jealous when i see people can go to doctor when they get sick, I want to know how do i can a reliable and affordable health insurance and i am willing to work and pay for it in college..and i looked for the student insurance but it doesnt cover teeth and eyes....i def need to get my wisdom teeth out..cuz they hurt really bad sometime and there is nothing i can do about it, is it possible for me to work and pay my own car and health insurance? I just freaked out tonight cuz i feel so unprotected""

Short-term insurance coverage and ACA?

Does anyone know if and/or how the Affordable Care Act (ACA) will affect short-term insurance coverage? My son currently does not have health insurance at work; therefore, he has been buying short-term coverage which can be purchased month by month, every 3 months, or 6 months. The downside is that after 12 months of consecutive coverage, he has to sit out for 2 months (no insurance coverage). Not ideal, I know but it's all he can afford at this point. It basically costs him less than $40 a month. Just wondering about this. I guess we don't know yet how much coverage will cost under the ACA?? Maybe he can afford something better once that takes effect.""

I'm 17years old how much would it be to insure a Volkswagen Golf?

I'm 17years old how much would it be to insure a Volkswagen Golf?

Does my car has to have insurance or do I have to have a new insurance for myself in order to drive in NJ?

I'm a bit confused about this issue. I have a permit and I want to do a road test in order to obtain the provisional driver license. The thing is that I heard a lot from people about insurance and now I'm that confused that I don't know what to do. Do I need to have insurance? or does my car need insurance? Can I be under my parents insurance? Would that be cheaper? Could you guys help me figure this out? All I want is to drive legally without any problems, and don't waste money. Could you give me some sources also? Thx ahead""

Cancel Geico Insurance Online?

Is it possible to cancel my insurance online?

Fast old car that isnt cost millions to insure?

I am 17 i understand that the insurance on a very fast car would be millions! but i was wondering does anyone know an old fastish car that the insurance isnt tonnes and tonnes of cash in the UK

Car insurance question?

can I put my name under my father? his is living in the other country and probably not coming back in these few years, once I have some accident, is it gonna bring me a truble since my father is not here?""

How long does it usually take for an insurance company to pay a life insurance claim?

My father-in-law passed away in April 2009. He died of pneumonia. He had a life policy with a large national company. My sister-in-law is the beneficiary. Here it is, almost a year and a half later, and they still have not paid on the claim. I told her to contact the state insurance commission.""

Car insurance for new drivers !?

Ok so Ive spent quite some time googling this but to no real answer ! My question is, what is the cheapest insurance available for a newly passed 18 year old male? From this i mean: What care gives the cheapest quote? What insurer is the cheapest? Of course i know there is no one cheapest insurer/car but a general type of answer would be helpful. like saying what your insurance was at 18 on what car and with what insurer! Thanks very much !""

Do I need health Insurance in Australia?

Hi, im going to Australia for a year and im really not sure how the system works. Will I get free healthcare if I have an accident or get bitten by something? Do I need to purchase health insurance to cover me for this? Can I transfer my free NHS healthcare over there somehow?""

Does a warning for running a red light increase insurance rates? PLEASE HELP!?

Today I got pulled over for the first time for running a red light , when the officer pulled me over, as he was getting off his bike I took my seatbelt off (I know, now that I think of it, it was such a stupid thing to do, but it was my first time being pulled over and I didnt know how to react). He di.dn't say anything about the seatbelt, but he told me that I ran the red light back there. Ok, let me explain this to you guys now, i don't know if you're familiar with Cape Cod or not but there are TONS, literally tons of tourists here right now, and the roads are really narrow.. There was a guy in an Audi pulling into a parking spot in reverse in front of me and he was taking half of the lane that I was on.. This parking spot happens to be 10 ft away from the set of lights. In my mind I was thinking, I'm gonna go to the left side to let this guy go in, and while that was happening I was worried about the tourists that like to jaywalk and cross the road inbetween cars... So I go to the left and the left and gas it a little bit, I was going like 10 mph as I was taking off, and the light turns yellow, I cross the crosswalk, then the light turns red and I drive under the set of lights.. These 2 bike cops came immediately after me... So long story short, it was my first time being pulled over, I took the seatbelts off, and I ran the red light because there was a guy pulling into a parking stop right in front of me and I was too worried looking around afraid I was going to hit a jaywalking tourists. I know people always think they're right, but I honestly think I didn't do anything wrong here. I got a $25 seat belt fine and a warning for running the red light, which is complete BS. I know it's a warning but I don't want it on my record at all, how can I appeal, any tips? Im only 18 years old, just got off my JOL and I'm very conscientious of other people, never speed or anything. I appreciate your help, will give best answer, thanks!""

Will my insurance company raise rates because of a speeding ticket.?

With this ticket the cop said if i pay it before a certain date i wouldnt get any points on my license so would the insurance company even find out?

""Allstate motorcycle insurance, am I covered?""

I am going to purchase a motorcycle soon but unfortunately for my age, insurance is much too high. It is about $5000 a year since I am 18 years old. What I want to know is if my father can put the bike in his name and have it fully covered but with me as the rider, will it still be covered? If I were to get in a crash would the bike still be covered even though the bike is under his name and not mine? Am i covered or will I be forced to pay $5000 a year so I can legally ride the bike?""

What is the oldest year car I can buy without paying for collision insurance?

I want to buy a new car in the 2000's. I know that when you a brand new car you have to pay for collision insurance and I don't want to have to pay for that. What is the oldest year car that I can buy without having to worry about the collision insurance?

What does comprehensive insurance mean?

I am trying to apply for state insurance for my daughter, who is currently on her fathers insurance through his work, and the rates have just gone up considerably. In the FAQ, it says that families who voluntarily drop employer based comprehensive insurance must wait 6 months to apply. Can someone please tell me what this means? Thank you""

I got a speeding ticket and no insurance?

well my insurance was expired when i got the ticket. so when i renew it will it still go up?

How long do i have to have my drivers permit?

I am 18 and live in Arizona. i have never had my drivers permit and i am getting it in a couple days.. How long would i have to hold my permit in order to get my licence

Car insurance question..please help.?

Can someone be able to have car insurance in the state of new york and have the registration in someone else's name? Ex: Car insurance by the name of Jane Doe, and Registration by the name of John Doe. Please let me know..thank you.""

Do I need life insurance?

Hey, I'm in 7th grade and my advanced academics class is doing a project on what our goals and daily life will be after we graduate high school. The final part of the project deals with the management of taxes and insurance and stuff like that. I'm pretty sure I've covered everything I need to, except for one aspect: life insurance. I'm not exactly sure if I need it, because I don't really know if I'm actually going to have people dependent on my paycheck. Here's my lifestyle: I'm going to live in Santa Monica, California as an occupational therapist in an apartment with a roommate. My mom's family and my dad's family will most likely keep residing all the way across the country on the east coast, with my brother in college and my younger brother in middle school. I'm pretty sure both my parents are going to be retired at that age, but I don't know if they would really depend on my paycheck. Opinions?""

How much did you pay for car insurance on your first car?

I am going to be 17 soon and will get a car, the car i will get is Vauxhall Astra Mk4 1.4, i went on a car insurance quote comparison website and the cheapest they could find was like 5,500, there's not a chance im gonna pay that, i was wondering what you all paid, oh and i live in the UK.""

How ill this effect my car insurance quote?

there is a question on an money supermarket asking if i have access to any other vehicles. my answer would be company vehicle, excluding social how would this effect my insurance quote? also how would company vehicle, including social effect my qoute? Thanks""

Cheap car insurance im 19 male 1yr no claims any ideas or websites?

i need my insurance to be as cheap as possible any help ? ideas ? any thing lol any websites or anything to help thank you i know im in the same boat as everyone but this is worth a try lol

Looking to buy insurance?

I am a small business owner. My business right now is very small, but we are looking to expand quite soon. We are a livery cab service and looking to get insurance quotes. We are located in Queens and would prefer to deal with Queens Brokerages. Please help!""

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affordable renter insurance austin ballpark

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-did-affordable-care-act-raise-insurance-premiums-macalister/"

[royasrambles-blog]

Love Him to Love Others

Wow. 

What. A. Week. 

I quit my full-time job that had pretty decent benefits and PTO. My last day was last Friday. 

I realized that, as mentally and emotionally hard as college seems to be for me, I can’t let myself give up on getting my degree. So, I’m in the process of signing up for classes for next semester. 

I got my old part-time job back, and, as easy-going as it is, I can’t start for another couple of weeks. I’m so blessed to have a family that is there for me during this time, because if I didn’t, I would be SOL and probably homeless because I have no income right now. No joke, but, I laugh typing this because it’s so crazy that I seem to have voluntarily put myself in this situation.

God, you’ve really made sure I’m taken care of through this transition. 

... Oh, and I’ve managed to let my jealousy, anger, doubt, and guilt get the better of me again. 

Again. And this time, I’ve run out of excuses. But, to fully understand, let’s back track a bit. 

You know how, when you like someone, you REALLY know you care for them if they make you laugh when they’re not even there? ... That happened. I was driving through the worst traffic of my life, to, of course, the old job to make sure everything was gucci in the system. *did i really just type “gucci” without thinking about it? ... picking up on some lingo from a certain someone, Roya?* Anyways. After about the fifth time someone had swerved next to me and almost hit me, I was at a red light and looked down and saw a water bottle. And thought of what he would do with said water bottle to the jackass gentleman who swerved into my lane and was currently right behind me, chewing his gum with his mouth open, apparently unphased by the fact that he made me almost up-chuck the little bit of smoothie I’d been able to eat that day. 

Oh, yeah-- I had eaten some bad fish sticks earlier that day. I was not a happy camper. Neither was my stomach. I digress. Where was I? Oh, right. The fricken water bottle. 

He would’ve joked that he’d chuck the water bottle through the sun roof onto the car’s windshield behind us. Except 1) I’m not that fancy and don’t have a sunroof and 2) Deep down him and I both know he would’ve probably actually done it. And, thinking about this, even though I was trying to avoid crying out of frustration with the traffic and also trying to not throw up... I laughed. So. Fucking. Hard. Like, I’m talking I almost cried in the car alone by myself, listening to Ric Flair Drip by 21 Savage, Offset, and Metro Boomin’. (Btw, that song is on repeat at least 5 times a day since I heard it. IT’S SO CATCHY.) 

I remember thinking to myself, “I’m gonna tell him about how he made me laugh when I see him.” 

Too bad I let my pissy, bratty, bottled-up-feelings-of-self-doubt-and-other-issues-Roya take the wheel when I saw him later that day. 

Because, when you bottle up so much of yourself like that... it’s going to come out. And it’ll come out at the worst time. With the best person. 

Wait. You’re probably wondering who this “he/him” person is. You’re probably thinking “Well, golly-gee, this guy sounds like a keeper if he’d throw a water bottle at a car for this chick. Wait. Who is this chick? Why am I reading her novel about her poor life choices?”.... I’ll stop there. Let’s not think about the answer to those last couple of questions. But HE is the fucking shit, to put it eloquently. The chocolate to my vanilla. Wait. Sorry. The graham cracker to my slightly-toasted marshmallow. Wait. Is that worse? The peanut butter to my jelly. There we go! But in all seriousness, he is the reason I’m able to write this today and eventually (hopefully soon) tell y’all why I feel like I can stop repeating my poor behavior. 

Okay. Back to the story. 

Why, dear reader, why would I feel so entitled and above another human being to say, in a nutshell, that they TAKE UP MY TIME and should be GRATEFUL that I’m so patient to put up with them? I don’t even like myself when I reiterate what I said to him. Why? WHY. Why, indeed. Well, this is where I fast-forward a bit. To yesterday. 

I was at a loss for how to fix my behavior. I’d literally gone into a young-adult tantrum and road-raged-the-fuck outta my commute back home and dropping him off, not even mentioning all of the things I said. And one of the worst parts of this whole ordeal is that I literally have flashbacks to my childhood of my dad doing the same exact thing, and I still get terrified thinking about it! So, how DARE i think it’s okay to do that to someone else?! It’s not. Plain and simple. But, the fact that I said it means that somewhere in my messed up train of thought, I truly did feel like he should be grateful that I “put up with him”. What the actual fuck? I felt, and still feel, like all of the years I’d spent bottling up anything to do with my dad, had lead me to becoming the very image of his faults. 

And when I was crying at home feeling sorry for myself, I could hear my love’s voice telling me “pick up the Bible. Read.” So... I did. 

I’ve always known that I believe in God, or a Head-Honcho, however you would like to call Him-- I choose God-- but I’d never really thought of Him too much. Just on special occasions or when something really amazing happened, I would look up to the sky and tell him thank-you. I thought, if you go through life trying to be your best and help people, you’ll be alright. Man, I was wrong. ‘Cause when I picked up that Bible... I cried. 

Not because I was sad, or angry, or happy... it was almost like I realized God was giving me permission to break the dam I’d built. And to let all of the pain and dark, nasty thoughts I’d pushed down come out. It was like He was telling me to come clean to him, finally. Boy, do I have a lot to come clean about! Where should I even start, I thought? I read and read and read..... until I went to bed. And I woke up every couple of hours last night and read some more. 

Even though we have a Bible at my house, I didn’t feel like I could just pick it up and know exactly where to start. (Slightly silly, I know, but it’s how I felt.) So, of course, I went to the App Store on my phone and found the YouVersion Bible App, and I’M IN LOVE. It’s like they knew that I was thinking “Hello, my name is Roya, and I am really embarrassed to say this, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I just need God’s help”, because the app asked what I was currently struggling with, and, based off of my answers, gave me 5 or 10-day plans with daily Devotions and Bible Readings that would help me let go and let God into my heart. 

I swear, this must sound like an app review, but I’m not a spokesperson or anything-- I just truly appreciate this app. 

So, the app lets you turn your favorite scriptures into artwork. And I’ve made two of my favorite ones into healing imagery that I can look at when I need them. I’ll post them after this long-ass story (sorry haha), but, here they are:

“Cast thy burden upon the Lord, 

and he shall sustain thee; 

he shall never suffer the 

righteous to be moved.”

Psalms 55:22 KJV

“Be strong and of a good courage; 

be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; 

for the Lord thy God is with thee

whithersoever thou goest.”

Joshua 1:9 KJV

These two scriptures have helped me get through these past few days. And they’ll help me get through the days to come. 

So, hopefully you’ve found something of value in all of my ramblings... I know I have. 

I realized that I need to have the courage to admit my sins. I realized that I don’t have to be “perfect”. I just need to be living for Him, and when I mess up, come to Him with my sins. 

I realized that to love myself, I have to love Him.

I realized that to love him, this amazing person who somehow puts up with me, I have to love HIM. And, God knows, I want to love him. (And Him. You get it.)

I realized that to forgive my dad, I have to realize that God forgave us of our sins, and through Him, we can forgive ourselves and others.

I realized that I need to have patience, that God knows all things and will be there for me always. 

So, in a nutshell: I’m employed-but-kind-of-unemployed, in the process of going back to college, which is where I seemed to be the most depressed, I’m broke, I’m broken, and I broke the heart of the someone who could make me laugh even when they’re not there. But, through God, I will have the patience, perseverance, and strength to conquer all of my demons. And, hopefully, to prove myself to those I love... and to myself. 

Wow. 

What. A. Week. 

[kimothywuartworks]

Why I Choose Art Despite The Risks of Being Jobless

The thing about an identity is that it’s somewhat of a commitment.

My story, thus far, is hardly that heroic. It’s more so a type of stubbornness that I’ve clung to in terms of my identifying as an artist, particularly in those moments where I’m told I don’t deserve it by both others and myself. It’s this feeling of “that’s who I want to be” and the constant choice to not reach for the safety net in moments of doubt. I think it’s difficult for the people who are close to me because my choosing the artist’s path is a source of insecurity for them, and I truly feel bad for giving them that anxiety. But the truth is that I simply cannot do what doesn’t make me happy because it is so much a part of who I am. I have one life. What am I doing if not doing what makes me happiest?  I remember that joyous day back in 2012 when I announced to my parents that I had decided to pursue musical therapy as my choice of career. This was in my final year of high school and to this day I still remember watching my father’s face turning stormy grey and his lips dipping downward as he shook his head saying, “Today is the day you broke my heart.” Nevertheless, I studied a year of Music for my first year of university specializing in violin performance. Toward the end of 2013 it slowly dawned on me that I had little passion for music. I practised at most one hour a day while my music friends were practising up to six hours a day, and I felt guilty about that. I didn’t work hard for my degree because I didn’t want to, and that is, again, another flaw of mine. It was around this time that talk of moving to the US started coming around, and I decided to apply for three things:

Chemical engineering

Visual communication design

French.

Three completely different specializations that I was interested in - because I quite honestly had no idea what I wanted to do yet. What few know was that I was first accepted into Iowa State and was fully prepared to head over to ISU. However, the week before I was set to fly to Iowa, I received my acceptance letter from the Ohio State University and promptly changed my mind. I knew nothing about Columbus, nothing about OSU, and had no family in Ohio but there I went, blindly going with the flow, and so I found myself in Ohio as a pre-Visual Communication major for my first semester at OSU.

Naturally, I was a complete fuck-up in the first semester and spent most of my first semester either crunk drunk or hungover, landed a 2.5 GPA, gained 20+ pounds and was also rejected from majoring in Graphic Design. You can only apply for Design once and they only accept 18 students for Graphic Design. Needless to say, I was devastated because design had been my only plan. There was no back-up plan and I almost didn’t come back to OSU in Fall because I didn’t know if I could pursue another major. I was already a year behind because of the year I’d spent studying music in South Africa. I didn’t know what else to do but just go back and figure it out, which is how I landed up majoring in Strategic Communication (essentially public relations). The funny thing is that I didn’t really see myself as a PR kind of person, and I remember still feeling quite lost despite now having a degree I could pursue.

This carried on for about a year until summer of 2015 when I began to dabble in digital art, which, as you know, was when everything began to change. When I first started with art I was so insecure about other’s judgment of my works that I didn’t even acknowledge myself as an artist. I considered myself a doodler and that was that. It was only after my first charity auction where all my artworks were auctioned off that day that I realised, ‘Hey - I could actually do this.’

People go to work or they go to class and they stare at the clock begging time to go by faster. Our days blend into each other that you don't realize how much time has gone by until it's too late. I'm not one to judge though - to each his own - but the way I see it is that I only have that many hours of being alive. I only have that many hours to appreciate the people I have and love in my life. We take our days for granted. So many of us wake up and fall into the same routine time and time again. While there’s nothing wrong with stability and routine (as I am a creature of routine too), there's a whole world out there just waiting for you. There’s so much knowledge out there to be learned. There is so much to be felt, seen and heard. 

I prioritize my happiness because I deserve it. It might be selfish, it's probably foolish but happiness is the one thing I firmly believe we are all entitled. Be with and truly love the people that make you happiest. Do the things that sets your senses on fire. Feel the emotions that are meant to be felt. 

The state of being alive is a rich one. It can be complex, it might have layers of intrinsic meanings, but at the core of it all it is precious and unique. In many ways, it is just like art. 

[jamiestevensphotography]

Guest lecture - Niall O’Brien

For our second guest lecture of the second semester, we were introduced to Niall O’Brien. This was presented as a Q&A between Daniel Alexander and Niall, which was similar to previous guest lectures.

Niall O’Brien is a successful commercial photographer and filmmaker. He has exhibited widely in both Ireland, England and across the globe and has many awards to his name, including the Irish Professional Photographer's Association Rex Roberts Medal and the International Portfolio Review Bratislava "Top 20 Portfolios". In October 2010 Niall was accepted as one of 49 artists to show in the Singapore International Photography Festival at the Lim Hak Tai Gallery, NAFA. His most recent film Anger was shown at Block T Gallery in Dublin as part of the 2011 Photo Ireland Festival.

Born in Dublin in 1979, his early days revolved around skateboarding where he and his friends would spend most of their free time finding places to skate. This lead to him becoming interested in photography and started photographing his friends skateboarding. This lead him to gain some early publication work in various skating magazines, and highly influenced the start of his career. 

After leaving school, Niall studied fine art photography at the renowned Dun Laoghaire Institute of Art, Design and Technology. As his main genre of photography was skateboarding and extreme sports, studying the fine art course gave him the opportunity to explore other genres of photography, which opened up a new world of photography to him. He became highly interested in portraiture and studio work and wanted to understand photography technically. He also was interested in lighting and how he could use it effectively, along with the use of analogue film and print work. His work mainly revolved around concepts and theories with the use of a 6x7 camera. Due to being introduced into fine art photography, he concentrated on night photography by focusing on highlights such as street lamps or signs. He was obsessed with blackness of photography and the “unknown” captured in his photographs.

Niall talked about his early photography inspirations which included David Farrell. Farrell was known primarily for his photographic portraits of the most prominent artists including The Beatles and the Rolling Stones. Niall was highly inspired by Farrell’s work entitled Innocent Landscapes. 

In 1999, as part of the Peace Process in Northern Ireland, the IRA finally admitted the ‘killing and secret burial’ of ten people from a possible list of fifteen missing people. At the end of May they released a roll call of locations that were said to be the burial places of nine people from this list. In the summer of 1999, David Farrell visited and photographed his first ‘site’ where, three weeks earlier, the remains of Brian McKinney (22) and John McClory (18) had been found. He followed the searches and photographed the locations of burials. 

Photograph courtesy of David Farrell. Taken from the exhibition Innocent Landscapes at the Gallery of Photography. 

After completing his course, he moved to London and became an assistant photographer for Sam Taylor-Johnson who is famous English filmmaker, photographer and visual artist. He assisted her on a regular basis for four years and travelled all over the world for her work. Niall mentioned that Taylor-Johnson’s status helped push him to become better as a photographer. His roles included finding locations for the shoots, lighting the subject or subjects, and basically being her PA for all the work. Even though it was very stressful for him, he wanted to invest a lot of his time into this to become better in his own work. 

Personal Work

Goodrats

The first project Niall discussed was Goodrats, where he documented a gang of young London punks, dubbed The K.B.C Punks (Kingston Brew Crew). Niall followed the group for a number of years; the resulting images are intimate portraits charting the lives of this adolescents as they became men, revealing their lives in a way that would not have been possible without the implicit trust the K.B.C shared with the photographer. He did mentioned that even though he became friends with them, he knew he had to keep a distance and didn’t want to get too involved. He didn’t encourage them to do things but the same he didn’t stop them doing things. 

Photographs courtesy of Niall O’Brien

This body of work was publicised widely and with his previous contacts through Taylor-Johnson lead to this work shown as an exhibition in London, New York, Shanghai and Berlin.

Porn Hurts Everyone

Porn Hurts Everyone was the second project Niall had shown us. This body of work was shot in north west America – in California, Washington State, Montana and Idaho. The series was based on the fascination of Christianity. 

Photograph courtesy of Niall O’Brien

The image shown above was taken at Boise State Fair, which was a predominantly Christian fair in Idaho – they have Christian jazz bands and Christian this and Christian that – and this whole summer fair idea was almost born out of religion. 

Photography courtesy of Niall O’Brien

Niall mentioned that serendipity was a word thrown around a lot. The Christian element isn’t obvious in this work but mentioned it was constantly there but wasn’t always visual. Seven years after creating this work, it was published as a book.

Commercial Work

From his personal work, Niall has also received a large amount of commissions from various companies including Canon, Nike, Adidas, San Miguel and Persil. In 2013, Niall was chosen by AnOther Magazine and clothing brand Levi’s to collaborate on a project entitled ‘Station to Station’, embarking on a month long road trip along America’s train tracks, crossing cities and states and documenting the people and stories that define our creative landscape. All expenses were paid for including a car to travel including a large box of clothes, where he could give them to the people they met and photograph them. I have included a selection of images below.

Photographs by Niall O’Brien

I find the first image very eye catching due to its subject. The rail tracks draw your eye down the middle of the image from the foreground to the background where mountains can be seen on the left hand side and the long line of railway carriages. The use of a film camera has added to the appearance of the image.

Moving Image

After seeing his photography work, we were introduced into his moving image films where he has worked as a director for million pound commercials with a team around 90 people. One film we were shown was a tv commercial for Canon entitled Come and See. For the creation of this commercial, a large team of experts along with two skyscraper climbers travelled to Dubai. The video is shown below.

I find this commercial very appealing due to its subject. Using a recent topic of skyscraper climbers, while showing their journey from the start to climbing toward the top of the tower in Dubai makes you engage with the commercial all the way through. As Dubai is a leading country in economy and wealth, it is a good way to promote the country while promoting your own brand.

Anger

“Anger is an emotion we are all too familiar with but one that is most raw and concentrated during the formative years of our lives. This video doesn’t seek to question the source of our anger, rather to capture it in is most undiluted form. Between the lines, it is obvious to see what we are dealing with, but only for a split second. In emphasising the act, which is nothing more than an outburst, but by highlighting it I have exaggerated the feeling reducing it to its essence. Sound is also an important part of the installation to increase the feeling of discomfort in the viewer and to aid the visual in a more dynamic way. These pieces have been treated like photographic stills, the movement is slight and flowing, never changing in emotion: I want to capture and express this raw and powerful moment in the most explicit way” - Text taken from PhotoIreland Festival. 

I have included a link below to other commercial film work that Niall has created. http://www.academyfilms.com/niall-obrien

Overview

I found Niall very inspirational and was able to engage fully into his talk due to the subject of his work. I found that his work is incredibly appealing, which is backed up by his very strong portfolio of personal and commissioned work with some of the most recognised brands. He is a very hardworking and dedicated individual which has lived his life to the full by travelling to many destinations across the world. His life has definitely made me consider my own and made me consider to travel for a long duration once I complete my degree to develop various personal projects, which will hopefully develop into commissions similar to Niall. 

Links - 

http://niallobrien.co.uk/

http://www.academyfilms.com/niall-obrien