#which has been. disheartening
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(holding rollo the way one may hold a feral cat) i set you up for failure and for that i am so sorry
#vincent talks#desperately trying to work on chapter two of rollo's fic#however. since the first one went up#i've seen an increasing number of Annoying Writing Things Everyone Hates posts and every single one of them has pertained to things i do#which has been. disheartening#no one even opened it for several days. it's gotten a few more reads since the month changed#it's an idea i've been working on longer than tw.st has existed so it's something i'm very attached to#but. it really isn't for everyone#and it's a bit sad to know i could write a smut oneshot that would be infinitely more interesting to my average readers#i mean. smut oneshots are far and away my most popular pieces#that's what people expect of me. that's what they enjoy from my writing#i was really hoping this one would turn out differently. i adore the entire premise. i've put literal years of research into it#sometimes a fic really is for the writer and no one else
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I keep seeing this thing where guys swear up and down that they want a good Christian girl, but then balk if that means she wants to be anything more than a wife and mother. Like, my guy, you do realize that there's a lot more to Christian women than being married or having babies? Yeah? What about a woman who works among the homeless, or runs a bible study, or volunteers to teach refugees a new language, or who takes part in the prison ministry, or who spends a lot of her spare time in another city street preaching? I see a lot of guys who claim they want "a girl who loves Jesus" but don't want anything to do with a woman who does more than just go to church and lives a life of active ministry outside of her home.
#i overheard the song 'can't have mine' playing and it's making me have some THOUGHTS#XD#ever since deciding to make missions my life work the amount of people going “don't you know you won't be able to get married”#has been baffling#it is so firmly ingrained in the conservative american mind that the ONLY place for a woman is at home with babies#that it is inconceivable for a christian woman to do anything else#secular guys have always thought i was a little crazy because of my faith#but since i had my “”“second work of grace”“”“”“ moment last year and have been getting more active in ministry types of work#even christian guys think i'm nuts#which is disheartening because i would love to get married and have kids#but there's a lot more to the christian life than that#even as a woman#and apparently that's too much for most “christian” men#and maybe some of this is bitterness#but mostly i'm just tired#the box for christian women is so small sometimes in my area of the world#and it often feels like they think i'm not a real person#which i expect from non-believers#but not from other christians#I keep being told “in japan you will be an outlier” but it makes me laugh because i'm already that here#i'm a single christian woman whose goal isn't simply to get married and have kids#which means i am nothing and nobody in the eyes of the evangelical church
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Well that was something!
Furious Five-related spoilers in tags!
#kung fu panda#kung fu panda 4#kfp 4#kfp#i've been skadooshed#i'm writing a full review rn give me the weekend#genuinely funny i fear#where's the petition for the furious five to be permitted to speak next movie#could we have actual po and tigress moments in kfp5 pls because they literally didn't interact at all#like that has to be a felony#i've been slapped in the face by injustice herself#which is thematically relevant actually#hated that the furious five weren't in it#like im GUTTED#i went with some friends and they all were raving abt the lack of furious five#we're all disheartened beyond comprehension#otherwise it was fine#funny with good action#impressive visuals as well#not without flaws duh but entertaining#i had a good time
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Some important stuff in regards to the harassment of developers came from Bungie today. They won a lawsuit against a guy who repeatedly harassed a community manager and his family (not fully confirmed in the official document, but people are fairly certain this is about A_dmg and his family). This is a twitter thread from the lawyer who went into some details about the situation. The court document is also available to read (featuring some of the horrific harassment tactics that were motivated by racism and also used racism as part of the harassment so be advised if you want to read).
This isn't just a win for the individual community manager and Bungie, but also has potential to set a bigger precedent in the future. It's basically the first time this has been done to this extent and some ruling in this case made it clear that companies can pursue this sort of legal action in the future if their employees are harassed and threatened. This is HUGE because the protection of employees in the gaming industry has been abysmal otherwise. This case will allow for the company to file a lawsuit on behalf of their employees in cases of harassment.
Before I add some of the more heinous stuff about this situation below, I want to say that the majority of reactions to this are positive. People are happy that this happened as it did and a lot of people are excited about potential big influence this will have in the future to combatting harassment of this type in the gaming industry.
Extra details and thoughts below (racism tw):
This started because the community manager highlighted a black content creator, Uhmayyze, who is himself a victim of harassment more often than not (usually of racist nature). He is most often harassed because he is unapologetically positive for which people have continuously sent him awful shit and comments. Because he enjoys the game and isn't jumping on the hate train. Just recently he commended Bungie for a ban wave and had hundreds of people hound him on twitter for his comment, including Gladd who started it by specifically replying to Uhmayyze and putting him on blast (warning for a lot of gross comments, including photoshopped screenshots of fake discord texts to make Uhmayyze look bigoted, nsfw images, r slur, suicide baiting and so on). This is important because the incident of real life harassment was fuelled over a community manager highlighting a content creator that is himself being harassed and despised online for the crime of... being positive. And you know, for being black. This situation isn't an isolated incident. The community, including other content creators, are absolutely horrible towards this one person that they feel, I guess, does not follow the content creator NPC questline of hating Bungie and Destiny.
So of course, at some point, someone from that crowd will feel confident and justified taking things further. How dare Bungie promote this person they hate. How dare they focus on a positive creator. They're clearly biased and don't want to listen to criticism, only to "toxic positivity" streamer. How dare a community manager highlight this creator. It's a personal slight to them, and "proof" that Bungie is bad and evil and "ignoring criticism." There's someone out there (and probably not the only one) that hates this creator and the game so much they were willing to harass and threaten a community manager and his family in real life.
The community manager was first harassed by phone with text messages and voice mails featuring racist bile, including apparently a voice mail telling him to "convince Bungie to create options in its game in which only persons of color would be killed." This is the worst part for me and super concerning in general, as well as showing the dedication of this person to racism, motivated by his hatred of a black creator (which also, by proxy, technically makes the streamer being harassed as well). Absolutely ghoulish behaviour.
This escalated to also harassing the CM's wife and resulted in doxing them; the harasser somehow found their address. Most of the reports on this will say that the asshole "sent them pizza" which doesn't truly capture how horrific the incident was. First, it's a random guy who has your address which is concerning enough given that he harasses you by phone already. Apparently the pizza was made to be "inedible" and the delivery was instructed to bang loudly on the door upon arrival to maximise discomfort. The order was also deliberately made to be paid on delivery to create as much pain for the victims as possible. The harasser also kept track of the delivery and then called the family again when it was done to tell them to "enjoy the pizza." The family immediately contacted Bungie who contacted the police and provided the family with protection. There's no telling how this would've escalated had they not been in the position to call Bungie and had Bungie not reacted to them asking for help. It's absolutely crucial here that Bungie is the type of a company willing to immediately assist in this situation.
Immediately following that, Bungie organised a long and expensive manhunt to identify the harasser and bring them court. That's where most of the expenses went; finding the culprit and protecting the employee and his family. This is the money Bungie earned back by this court decision because they could prove that the expenses were caused by a person harassing and threatening their employee.
This is a big win overall for the whole industry. It's Bungie setting a precedent on how a company should protect its employees. No matter what people think about Bungie or big corporations or whatever, this is how you can use a lot of money and power to make sure that your workers have rights to decency and safety. That's huge for the rights of workers and worker protections. I hope it becomes a standard and that any future harassment is prevented altogether or at least punished accordingly.
Naturally, the commentary on the news from a big part of the community is super positive. Unfortunately, there's also a part of the community that has a lot of really awful shit to say about this. The comments on twitter are littered with people who are using THIS specific moment to yell about Bungie being a greedy corporation, how the money they won should be used to "fix the servers" and "make more pvp maps" or how Bungie will greedily put this money "into Eververse" or "into Marathon." There's comments about how time was uselessly spent protecting an employee who should expect harassment anyway, instead of working on "fixing the game."
This is what I mean when I talk about how impossible it is in the current situation to have a meaningful discussion about any sort of criticism or feedback. There's thousands of comments from people who think that this specific instance shows how Bungie is greedy. This is what I mean when I say that none of these people actually understand what they're talking about. You can't make proper criticism when you can't separate game development with a company's legal effort to stop an escalating harassment campaign of an employee. The majority of gamers are simply not fit to offer any criticism or feedback. The idea that we all have something useful to say and that employees at Bungie are obliged to give us their time of the day is simply incorrect.
I genuinely 100% stand by the claim that the recent barrage of content creators promoting the idea that Bungie is "the greediest company in the world that's scamming players and increasing costs out of greed" as well as the idea that Bungie is "abandoning Destiny for Marathon, isn't working on the game anymore and is deliberately ruining it" is the reason for these comments existing. If a big streamer said that Bungie is getting too much money but also not doing anything "good" with it, then any money that Bungie receives (including compensation for expenses they took to protect an employee from active harm) is a result of greed. The nuance of any situation is lost; when you only learn the mantra of "company has money therefore company bad" you WILL end up causing harm for people and you will most definitely not be an advocate of workers rights. That's where we're at right now.
The dehumanisation of people who work at Bungie (and the harassment itself) is a consequence of this crap and other similar crap that's been thrown into the ether for the past year, disguised as "we're just offering feedback." People heard that Bungie is a "microtransaction hell" and that Bungie is only investing in Eververse and Marathon and they feel like this story reflects that; they feel like an employee being harassed is not deserving of proper condemnation and that this isn't important enough and that Bungie is a greedy corpo anyway so who cares about that. They do not understand how companies work, how games are made, the state of the industry as a whole (or the world as a whole), the treatment of employees or workers' rights, and you cannot meaningfully critique a company's business practices without understanding that. And they don't because they think that legal expenses used to protect victims, finding a culprit and bringing their ass to court is money that is being used for game development and that Bungie receiving this money should result in... new pvp maps or "fixed servers."
And there's even seemingly good commentary where people recognise how this is good, but they initiate the comment with "As much as I hate Bungie and Destiny and I think they're awful and greedy and destroying gaming as a whole..." : that's not the time and place. You don't have to excuse your support of a big win for potential new employee protection policies just because those policies are done by a company. Of course it is. Companies are the only ones capable of pursuing this sort of legal action. It's one good way a big company can put their power and money into a good place to actually help people and bring forth positive change. And like, you don't have to tell us how much you despise Bungie before you're "allowed" to admit that this is good news. Sometimes companies do good stuff. It's literally not that complicated.
I hope that this situation will help other employees demand the same protection, that other companies will follow suit and that this will also make potential other harassers rethink whether or not they will engage in this or similar type of behaviour. In the meantime, know that the community is largely positive about this, but that there are still absolutely detestable human beings who should feel ashamed of their reaction to this. They shouldn't feel welcome here. And there's still people doing this to the devs and I hope Bungie takes their asses to court too.
#destiny 2#bungie#long post#this was a lot and i'm glad it had a happy ending#reading some of the comments unfortunately added to my depression tenfold#as usual the best thing to do if you feel strongly against a content creator or a video game is to leave#simply leaving would've stopped this whole thing#it's why that's my go to response to people who feel super strongly about how bungie is the worst#bro if bungie is the worst thing ever then your feedback will NOT change shit and you gotta go do something else#like if you still enjoy the game and have some criticism that's fine! i do too!#but if your entire online personality is criticism of bungie you gotta rethink your priorities#before you turn into this guy who will owe bungie 500k until the rest of his life#especially if you're a creator with a reach of tens of thousands of people or more. you gotta be careful with what you say#because your words WILL entice this behaviour. there is someone in your audience who will go too far#anyway. wanted this off my chest this whole situation has been super fucked up#and the brunt of it started around the time criticism started getting really bad last year#end of haunted-start of plunder + lightfall showcase which had massive harassment of trans employees online#we have not known peace since then and neither have bungie employees apparently#genuinely disheartening that people can act this way about a video game
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Since your most likely not gonna continue Lights Out, could we get some of the lore for it you haven't gotten the chance to reveal?? If you still wanna keep it on the down low that's understandable too!
hmmm i don't know! i wouldn't know where to Start, not that there's all that much... by the time i stopped thinking about it it was still full of holes and a bit Vague plot-wise for a solid chunk of it
#'stopped thinking about it' i will admit.#i have been thinking about what i would change given our updated knowledge#but like. there's not enough to Fix The Problems!#so. putting her on a shelf! sadly!#lights out is reserved for my indulgent brain thinkings#bedtime story...#wh lights out au#rambles from the bog#some lore some lore... it was rather uninspired looking back on it#very basic i think! which is part of what disheartened me - it was just... unoriginal and boring to me in the end#but hm... what could i say that would Not inspire a slew of asks about it...#well my initial butterfly howdy thoughts were For This Au for one#ummm Home sacrifices itself for Wally. uhhhhh#eddie has to learn how to use the internet.... sally made wally a heart-shaped rainbow patch for his missing eye <3#hm hm hm. the pit was a portal activated by sunlight#etc etc there was a lot </3
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one more thought. watcher isn't entirely comparable to netflix or other streaming services. unlike netflix, watcher tv exclusively hosts content that they've made. watcher isn't limiting any access to content that isn't their own. the closest thing to what watcher is doing is when streaming services have content exclusive to their platform, like netflix originals, tubi original movies, disney+ aninated shorts... it can be frustrating to not be able to access content because it only exists on one paywalled platform, but when it's literally created, owned, and funded by the platform itself, it doesn't really make sense to expect that content in any other way. you can want the content to be free or hosted on another platform. but the creator has the final say.
(and yeah at that point, maybe it's expected for things to get pirated. but unlike other media where sometimes the creators don't exactly discourage piracy bc their hands are tied and otherwise there's no way to access their work except through this larger entity, watcher is both creating the content and providing the means to access it. they have control over their own work. they can choose to do with it as they please.)
again i think it's normal to feel shocked, overwhelmed, upset, sad, disappointed, frustrated, etc. but if you specifically view this move as a betrayal against you, i'm personally inclined to think that you thought you were entitled to watcher's creations all along. you weren't. you aren't. you're not entitled to anybody's art, creations, or passions. and if you want to combat all of that by saying watcher doesn't make art in your opinion and thus shouldn't be allowed to treat it as such.... you and i have drastically different viewpoints and i don't think we can have productive conversation here lmao
#watcher#thoughts#ppl keep reading between the lines on my posts it's sort of wild#my subjective thoughts are that watcher fucked up on the execution of all this;#$6/mo is probably a little too steep for what this is;#and a move like this feels sort of off-brand for how watcher has been running itself up until this point#but again that's all subjective#i feel like the thoughts i've been posting lately are more objective analyses of things#and i keep posting more than i ought to bc i find it personally disheartening how ppl want to discredit watcher as non-creatives#or that they're part of some wider conglomerate of content making machines#i interpret it as ppl misunderstanding the value in art and wanting to enjoy a creation in a way that goes against the creators' intentions#which again you're free to do. but some ppl aren't even acknowledging the disconnect there#like you can make it a prerogative to watch content made solely by watcher while badmouthing watcher but like. why#i personally do not seek out/fight for access to content from people i loathe but that's just me lol#discourse
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as of this lunchtime my laptop will not turn on. i am trying not to panic about this, and hoping it will deign to power up one final time to allow me to back up my shit.
#worst comes to worst i buy a new battery just to make it turn on#this has been coming for a while but i thought i'd have slightly more warning#most of my stuff is on google docs#my original work isn't which is disheartening#but i'm hoping i can at least grab that#and some life admin files#fingers crossed for me gang
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My plan to take over the world continues on schedule. >:)
#bjk talks#i was originally disheartened to realize that it was Rarepair Level: Critical#but i am finding great joy in converting people to the cause XD#i think this makes six people that have told me i got them thinking about the ship lol#my ao3 progress has been limited for the last couple weeks but i'm in the homestretch on the first chapter of avernus fic#and then will be cycling around to more on 'open your eyes' :D#and that jaheira one-shot i was talking about also#as usual getting a comment has me jazzed up to write now :P which makes it all the more annoying that i have shittons to do at work today#rambly tags are rambly
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Reonagi piggy back rides, just like the good old days! I love them <3
#I was sad that this had no notes because I thought it had been up for a day(was drawn yesterday) and then i realized I forgot to post it#I sorta want to write a royalty AU nagireo fic (reo prince-nagi gardener’s son- and they go to be knights instead of footballers)#But no one has ever read any of the fanfiction ive ever written because i tend to write it and then destroy all traces five minutes later#Plus i am in writing school and my teacher constantly bashes fanfiction which disheartens me#But if anyone thinks this is content they want to see in the world tell me cause 1 person is enough to sway me#Might take a while though ha#Reonagi#Nagi seishiro#reo mikage#blue lock#bllk#bllk fanart#bllk gays#Mine#my art
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did the old tumblr live toggle actually work for yall? mine literally never has lmao
#on a more serious note. ive said before but it really is so disheartening how much this site is going to shit#saw a comment that said staff was like ''changes will continue until revenue improves'' which i dont know if is 100% legit but#I'D certainly believe it. and in which case. god if that isn't the darkest death knell possible.#esp. for me bc like. this is the only social media site ive ever really used#it has such a unique layout and i really enjoy working with it for what it is#most of the stuff i make is made to be posted On Tumblr and doesn't really work anywhere else#like wrt to how i format comics and writing for here [and askblogs formerly :p]#like yeah i could migrate and yeah i could figure out other ways to present stuff but i don't want to! i like doing it like this!#and then theres the whole losing audience thing or whatever like fine. irritating sure but ultimately does not matter i'll still make stuff#it's mostly just frustrating bc this year has been the best i've made use of tumblr formatting and most ive enjoyed doing so#and strongest it's been received!...all while continually falling apart around itself#like RIGHT as i hit my stride you know. if i was already past my prime with it it'd still be annoying but whatever its bound to happen#but like right now!!!! come on dude.#bweeeaaahh
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Hey remember when getting a lot of notes on a post actually earned you reblogs and followers lol
#the like-only culture on this website is such a bummer man#it's like unless you're a content machine making consistent posts every day then nobody can be bothered to follow#which is disheartening bc it's like!! there are convos to be had!!!!#when did we lose sight of the sense of community and start viewing blogs as content creators only?#yes this is bc my post about the flexcuffs is getting notes again and 99% of them have been likes and not a single follower has been gained
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A smile for smiles:
:D
I just now got so excited because I saw the email from ao3 that you updated love at twilight :DD I haven't even read it yet, I'm about to, but I tell you how excited I am for your story because it is so cool!!! *scurries off to read your awesome writing*
Thank youuuu!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺
#asks#this one isn’t doing as well which is a tad disheartening but the comments on it has been appreciated
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As they fucking should
My personal favorite 😌
#I've soapboxed endlessly about how a large section of this fandom seems to have an issue with boundaries#and how that conversation isn't exclusive to personal matters#from HBG to Pizza (which i think is the last time i went off tbh)#these aren't inside jokes if y'all are the only ones laughing#no other fandom I've been in nor seen from the outside has the kind of entitlement i see here and it's a fuckin bummer lol#no other artists are out there getting fucking heckled by their own fans#honestly I've felt the same way about the shoey incidents this week#it's not cute or funny or 'an interaction' to shout and scream and essentially bully performers into either doing your bidding#or addressing why they won't be doing it#'no but they have such a special relationship with us' yeah and you're taking advantage of it and it needs to stop#respect is also a big part of any relationship and that's what's lacking here and it's annoying and disheartening and embarrassing#and that's what i have to say about that 🤷🏻♀️#ask#livinginthevioletsounds
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this shoot was just so fucking bullshit i dont like being around those guys and it honestly just pissed me off to see all the equipment these people are working with... like oh right well it's awesome that u spent so much money for your little group to make appealing cool films and ur so weird about anybody else using it since it's Technically a club's but let's be fr.. and i was asked to run around up and down floors etc and this one kid was apparently being bitchy abt having to bc men can never not have a tantrum and like i had to go early with the director and dp and like was i on top of my game fucking look at my life NO but i was fine this crew was pretty fucking terrible at delegating and communicating and i feel like i almost retreated into that headspace of oh god this whole thing is going to shit and it's my fault bc things arent organized and theyre running late and that is a large part of my job but its like the first day and again im not even THERE for fucking half of it bc it's a student set and im being asked to run around. oh right early on everyone keeps saying yep we're getting ready and i ask if they need help w equipment and they say no and so im like fucking cool sitting there waiting for our call and steve is like Abby how are we on time and the room falls silent and i was like oh my fucking god. im being dramatic like it's whatever but dont micromanage me yk and then they were pretty nice but then partway through the shoot after we'd moved locations and i was getting nothing from the director/we were at a standstill i asked if she wanted me to go stand with our equipment till someone got back and she said yes so i did and was on my phone yes and steve came up to me like so i'd love it if you could stay with [director] more bc she's struggling with staying on time and i just think having someone to help her with that would be good and well. that's your job. basically. ohhhhh bitch i almost got mean... i responded with like yeah well this is what i was asked to do rn and im checking in with her but will for sure do that more. absolutely not getting any kind of vibe from anyone on this set though so. like dont sit here and tell me im not doing enough of my job... anyway i feel like no one knew what to do with me and i tried to be friendlyish and helpful etc and ik it was not my best day but jfc
#whatever. im good at what i do im good at what i do#it's like....#disheartening almost. idk. bc no matter how much i love this and really want to be in this#god some people just really have it better#even just in the years ive been here the film program has been building and slowly getting more equipment and now those clubs#are getting on it and it's like bitch i started on zoom...#i didnt just Have film production classes in my high school i wasnt able to go out and buy a black magic camera just cause i wanted to#and then tell me why a few of them are going This is so gay... bc well her story is. old friends? be serious#but like yes im sure you people know gay people but why are you saying that... i didnt like it#i joined in on the joke cause well i felt my voice was most important there. given the lesbianism.#but god i cant stand how film guys will just treat u like shit um constantly and even if you politely peer to peer ask them smth#which honestly id rather kms than do but im an adult so if i dont know something i like to ask they just asked like such assholes#abby talks
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x
#i can't bring myself to talk about the palestine israel stuff publicly online yet no matter how many times i try#but please rest assured that i am not ignoring any of it. it's weighing on me very heavily and occupying most of my irl conversations#every time i try to talk about it i end up writing a fucking novel length brick of text#if anyone wants to talk about it i am here and open to discussing it via DMs#it has been a difficult and exhausting and disheartening and intensely uncomfortable week to be an anti-Zionist jew online#which i do realize is incredibly western/American/first world problems of me to be saying when people are literally dying#but just. i have a lot of thoughts but for the most part they all boil down to frustration at having my entire faith and culture#equated with zionism at every turn#and it is so distressing to watch chronically online westerners actively cheering on death and war and conflict#and none of the things i want to say will fit in a post or a canva infographic or a tweet or an insta story#just. palestinians deserve to live freely. jews deserve to live safely.#what we're seeing now is the inevitable result of decades of violent genocidal settler colonialism#that doesn't make it justified or any easier to swallow or any less heartbreaking#personal#idk
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lucas deserved more interactions with the older group...
#i was saying that to jack like a week ago#but lucas is incredibly mature for his age#which comes with his awareness which has always been developed; obviously... as a black kid in 80s suburban america#(though i also think that maturity anyway is something he had in common w/ max but let's not for now)#lucas could provide So much to the older characters?#he has some moments with robin in the novel but they're not very developed i'd say#still moments tho!!! ^-^#i like to think he rolls his eyes at the party sometimes because.... being around a bunch of people you're disconnected to#who don't even want to hear about you or how you're doing#is very disheartening??? very upsetting...#he is so level-headed and calm that when he speaks to them and they have like zero (0) decorum#he is just very observant and sweet#he doesn't blame them because he knows they wouldn't get it#but anyway i don't like mike and dustin at times for obvious reasons#especially dustin like i couldn't give less of a fuck my guy#anyways the moral of the story is lucas deserved a scene with nancy or steve or robin or jon#i think i would have enjoyed it! especially at the hospital too like#i know they comforted him n everything#tbt.#my opinions are correct sorry if you disagree that sucks#yeaa..... Yea.#mhm
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