#secular guys have always thought i was a little crazy because of my faith

[eddis-not-eeddis]

I keep seeing this thing where guys swear up and down that they want a good Christian girl, but then balk if that means she wants to be anything more than a wife and mother. Like, my guy, you do realize that there's a lot more to Christian women than being married or having babies? Yeah? What about a woman who works among the homeless, or runs a bible study, or volunteers to teach refugees a new language, or who takes part in the prison ministry, or who spends a lot of her spare time in another city street preaching? I see a lot of guys who claim they want "a girl who loves Jesus" but don't want anything to do with a woman who does more than just go to church and lives a life of active ministry outside of her home.

[john1513kjv-blog]

My Testimony: How Jesus saved my life (multiple times)

I was born and raised in a religious family (notably Catholic). Growing up I went to mass every Sunday, believing in God, Jesus, and the Virgin Mary (not really as much); or so I thought I did. In my middle school and high school years, I was like everyone else. I thought that everything was fine and that there was nothing wrong with the things I did (like lying, stealing things behind my parents’ back, cussing, saying rude things behind my parents’ back when they told me things I didn’t like.)

Though I didn’t realize somewhere down the line; things were about to change for me and my family. 2011 was the year that my grandma died and it affected everyone in my family, including my mom. Life hasn’t been the same for her. Once a happy soul eager to have people around, now is always suspicious of others, not wanting to go out or visit anyone, claiming people are out to get her. I didn’t understand much of what was happening. I just simply thought my mom was crazy. But at the same time, I wondered why God let this happen? Again, I didn’t thought much of it, I simply did more things things that were considering wrong in God’s eyes (like lying to my mom that my aunt called me and cursed my mom when I only called a local gamestop store to get a game I wanted, looking up porn due to a dare from a so-called “friend” and looking up fetish art)

In high school I dated this japanese-american guy who was an atheist, he was the one who proposed to me. At the time, I didn’t know much about what love was. It wasn’t until my parents found and got angry, not for the fact he was an atheist, but for the fact that I was texting him many times in class and it raised the price on the phone bill. My dad furiously told me to end the relationship immediately. I was really upset about it, yet I did as I was told. It hurt my now ex boyfriend and I was mad at what my parent’s said to me. So what I did was told him to just pretend to be friends but to keep the relationship a secret. It worked for only a month until my now ex told me that what I was doing was wrong to lie to my parent’s behind their backs. I didn’t understand at first until he wanted to end our relationship. Without question, I did what he told me and again I was upset. Little did I know that Jesus was doing me a favor. Had he not intervene, I would have ended up a homeless teen mom.

After breaking ties with the Catholic Church (due to my mom’s irrational, mental instability), my dad sought help elsewhere. We went to this Christian Church that supposedly teaches from the Bible but something about it was missing. My dad told me that he felt that there was something wrong in that church. Was it due to the fact it held church services on Sunday instead of the seventh day (Saturday) as the Bible said? Again, I didin’t think much of it. I went to this “revival”, not because I wanted to look for Christ, but for worldly pleasures.

Come 2014, and my dad was searching something on the TV (something to watch or perhaps something related to the Bible). That wasn’t until He found a channel called “El Evangelio Eterno” (in English: The Everlasting Gospel). Namely this Pastor (who’s the head pastor of this ministry) was preaching something that none of us has ever heard, the three angels’ message.

REVELATION 14:6-12

  6 And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the everlasting gospel to preach unto them that dwell on the earth, and to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people,                                                                         7 Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters.                                                                                  8 And there followed another angel, saying, Babylon is fallen, is fallen, that great city, because she made all nations drink of the wine of the wrath of her fornication. 9 And the third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, If any man worship the beast and his image, and receive his mark in his forehead, or in his hand, 10 The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb:                                                                                        11 And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night, who worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receiveth the mark of his name.                                                         12 Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the commandments of God, and the faith of Jesus.                                                    

From then on, my dad wanted to know more of what they were preaching and that’s when they announced that they were opening a church a few miles away to where we live.The first one who went there was my dad. I didn’t pay that much attention to my dad when he watched the channel nor what they were saying or teaching. But one day (it was a Saturday), out of curiousity, I asked my dad if I wanted to come with him and he said yes. From there I always went with him to church, but at the same time, I was missing something. I learned about all the prophecies of the end times, that Jesus was coming real soon, about God’s real day of rest (Saturday), learned about the health reform that God can heal us, not just spiritually, but also from our physical illnesses too. I learned all these things, yet something was still missing. In September 2, 2017, our pastor preached to us (in a sermon of the end times) that Donald Trump signed the executive order to make Sunday, National Day of Prayer as a response to for the victims of hurricane Harvey.

At that moment, I was scared. I felt my heart racing. I thought to myself, “If I don’t get baptized soon, I might get left behind and receive the mark of the beast”. So I was one of the few people that got baptized that day, and that’s when I gave my life to Jesus. I studied more of God’s word, made a YouTube Channel to teach end-time prophecies, used my old social media accounts to spread the gospel (or so I thought I did) and I let go some of the things that I used to like (like stealing, secular music, looking up things that were not centered around God, video games [mostly because I was addicted to them and were the main reason I lied to my mom to get me a game]) and I thought I was saved. 2 years went by, I gave gospel tracts (but only at the front door because I was a little bit shy on what to say), and made posters that show the pagan origins of every holiday celebrated (except for thanksgiving).

Every Sabbath became dull, and everytime a sermon on end time prophecy is preached, I always listen yet feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit and I end up crying because I felt like I haven’t done much for the Lord. Everyday I always had a nagging feeling inside that something was wrong. It was until then I started developing a small legalistic mindset (meaning that if I didn’t do enough of what I was taught, I wasn’t gonna make it. Let me tell you, it affected my character greatly. I tried confronting people (including my old church friends) that what they were believing in was wrong and I used Scripture to convince them that they were wrong (instead of using it in a correct and humble manner) and they would fight back and I couldn’t be able to respond either because I didn’t know much of something or I didn’t want to risk embarassing myself. I became self righteous, but in the inside (I was good at masking my character) I started watching conspiracy videos and things involving the New World Order and the Illuminati and thought that God wanted me to tell people about it. I only told a few people about it, little by little, with a little bit of bible prophecy, yet I was still scared.

Overtime, I was interested in learning a little bit about the health reform that I signed up to be a medical missionary, so I can learn how God can heal people physically and spiritually (like how Jesus preached and healed people as well). I remember signing up and was super exciting about it. It was very interesting to learn at first, but just like church, it became very dull. Along with my legalistic mindset, I developed some minor depression, anxieties, which didn’t help that I suffer from a mild case of ADHD (a mental disorder I had since birth).

These things filled my soul with even more but I didn’t want to admit it. Come May 24, 2019, I went to this church retreat center in the mountain, where they were going to do seminars on the art of apologetics. The third day, I was there and I got up early to attend church service in the main audience hall. I didn’t remember much about what the pastor was preaching but I remember hearing something along the lines of the pastor saying, “God has given us all this light to share to the world” “What exactly are we doing with that light?” The sermon hit me hard that day and my anxieties rised up again and I felt extreme fear inside, that God didn’t want me anymore because I didn’t do enough. After the service ended, a sister from the service stopped me as I was leaving. She told me, “What is wrong? Why were you crying?” I told her my problems and I mentioned to her that I haven’t brought a soul to Christ for 2 years and felt like I wasn’t good enough. She responded kindly with: “Everyone in the church feels like that, including myself. That’s why we come to learn how to do these things. God knows your heart, and knows that you want to serve Him, but you just have to be patient and He will let you know when it’s the right time to do it. You don’t have to do everything at once because God didn’t call you to do any of that. The reason is that you’re not completely ready yet and He is still teaching you His word. He won’t let you carry more than you can handle. Just keep your eyes on Him and you’ll be fine.” I listened to her and thanked her.

The last thing I remember I ran to my cabin and I went down on my knees crying with all my heart, “Thank you God, Thank Jesus, Thank you for saving me, for sending me this sister to comfort me. If it wasn’t for you, I would have called it quits. Forgive me Lord, for losing sight of why I am here. Forgive me for having this legalistic mindset, for being decieved to think that works saved me when you did it all for me through the sacrifice of your only Begotten Son. If I have to wait 5, 10, or even 20 years for me to be where you want me to be Lord, I’ll wait. All I ask is to never let you go and to never lose sight of you.” After that, I felt like the weight of my chest was lifted off. I understood God’s grace and mercy on someone like me. A 23-year-old woman with ADHD, a quirky sense of humor, artistic talent, yet always tries her best to love others. Jesus saved my life many times in my past, even now. All because He loved me enough to die for not only for me but for you who’s reading this.

That’s right, He loves you also. He loves you enough that He died so that you and I could be free from your sins and reconnect with God. All it takes to turn away from your sinful lifestyle (whether it be drugs, prostitution, masturbation, homosexuality, theft, hatred, alcoholism, addiction of any kind), and learn to live for Jesus. <3

JOHN 3:16-20

 16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.            17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.  

18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.                                                                                           19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.                         

20 For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither* cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.                                                                       21 But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.                                                                                                        

[poipoi1912]

Carisi-centric thoughts on Ep 18x19

For once, lol.

ALSO THERE’S A BARISI CORNER, AFTER 84 YEARS :D

Needless to say, LONG POST.

Overall Thoughts

I liked it? What?

It felt like an episode from a previous season. I checked, and it appears two of the “old” writers wrote it. One of whom also wrote Know It All and Great Expectations, namely some of the best least terrible (and more true to character) episodes of the season. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. When a writer knows the characters well, it shows.

Let me get one negative thought out of the way: just when I was enjoying the episode, what do you know, the rapist turned out to be sympathetic again! Good ol’ Season 18. I have to say, though, that in this particular instance, in this specific episode, this was probably done for the sake of the totally predictable twist. The message wasn’t “oh but he’s a nice guy,” it was “he’s a victim too,” and that’s a pretty classic SVU trope.

Still, I didn’t appreciate how the episode tried to equate the experience of the victim and the rapist, nor the fact the actual rape was practically glossed over (via that favorable-ish plea deal) in order to target the “real” bad guy. Again, SVU has done that before, many times, and the reverend sure was a bad guy, but I did not like that ending. The rapist was almost excused for his actions, and the reverend willingly sacrificed himself to keep all that money and continue to help the needy. Like, they are the criminals in this story. No need to make them so noble. At least they could have had the reverend weeping for his cash.

I did, however, like that the girl seemed okay in the end, she had accepted both what happened to her and who she was, and she seemed more free. Also, she didn’t totally renounce her faith, which I think was a nice touch.

Barba Thoughts

For once, the show managed to find the most interesting (legally) speaking aspect of a case, and stick with it. It was smart to use the first amendment to defend rape as an expression of religious beliefs. It was an (extreme but) interesting legal argument, even if the writing was a little bit murky on that. As mentioned, rape condoned by a religion is still rape by secular laws, but the real issue is consent. If the victim, even in retrospect (due to manipulation, in this case) were to say, “I consented,” that would be the end of this case. Fortunately, Liv was there to convince the victim to testify, as is her wont :D

But back to the law, and back to Barba. Barba cited actual cases! Multiple times! My word! And there was an entire scene of him and the defense attorney in the judge’s chambers, presenting intricate legal arguments! Like, there was an actual discussion of the law! What? I was pinching myself the entire time.

AND THEN WE SAW THE OPENING ARGUMENTS??? for like one minute but still, when was the last time that happened? AND THEN BARBA CROSS-EXAMINED THAT REVEREND AND GOT ALL LOUD AND RIGHTEOUS? AND THEN HE ACTUALLY CROSS-EXAMINED THE PERP LIKE A BADASS? WHAT? WHAT SHOW WAS I WATCHING?

Okay I'm sorry for all the capslocking but Barba was actualLY DOING HIS JOB?????!!!!!1

Speaking of spectacular, let’s get to Sonny :D

Sonny and Continuity

The show remembered Sonny is Catholic, and wanted to become a priest, and grew up in the Church. I appreciated that reference to his teen years, when he seemingly idolized the priests in his life. That’s consistent with what we learned in Unholiest Alliance (which, according to imdb, was written by the same writer who wrote this episode, so that would explain it).

But it’s also consistent with Sonny’s (prior) characterization. It’s one thing to say “my priest saved my life” (as Sonny said in the somewhat similar Duggars episode, last season), but to say “if a priest told me to jump, I’d only ask ‘how high?’” is very different.

We know Sonny has a tendency to get attached to the authority figures in his life (Liv, Barba), and we know he has a desire to impress them, to earn their approval. If you take that quality of an adult Sonny, and try to apply it to a teenage Sonny, with the added element of faith and God? Yeah, I can imagine how badly a younger Sonny would want to get God’s approval. That was an almost throwaway reference, but it really told us a lot about Sonny.

As did that final interrogation, with the reverend. Sonny knows how to hit them where it hurts, and he really handled that masterfully. But one detail I’d like to focus on was the way he casually accepted the fact that guy’s church had done some “good things.” It reminded me of his treatment of Rudnik. Sonny is able to perceive and acknowledge goodness, if and when it exists, even in the darkest of people. That’s classic Sonny.

Sonny and Religion

I also appreciated the confirmation that, while Sonny is faithful, he is not blind to the faults of the Church. Or to the misinterpretations of God’s will. Regrettably, there was a deleted scene which went into Sonny’s beliefs in depth (here), but we didn’t get to see it. Still, the script alone is enough to confirm everything I’ve always suspected about him and his faith.

“I don’t pretend to understand what God wants for me. But my take has always been, “Do unto others.” And I wouldn’t want anybody telling me who I could or couldn’t love.”

That’s the perfect encapsulation of Sonny’s attitude. No judgment, no presumptions, but also a healthy reverence for God’s will and the mystery it truly is, for those who are faithful. ‘Do unto others’ is truly Sonny Carisi in a nutshell. It’s both empathetic (because Sonny can easily put himself in someone else’s place) and open-minded (because Sonny believes everyone should get to choose for themselves).

And the reference to love, that’s important as well. A lot of people who grew up in a more strict religious setting can’t help internalizing some of the more conservative teachings. Even if they disagree as they get older, it can be hard to shake the beliefs they grew up with. Sonny seems to have succeeded in doing that. His take is defiant, and confident, and meaningful.

“Don’t tell me who I can love.” End of story. I truly wish we had gotten to see Sonny saying that, because I think it’s important to see a young macho (as of late) white guy expressing such kind-hearted and progressive views, but at least we did see him saying this:

“They’re kids. With normal sexual desires. But you made them feel they had the devil inside them.”

That needed to be said, and I’m happy Sonny was the one to say it.

The Barisi Corner

OH, HOW I’VE MISSED YOU, BARISI CORNER :’)

Perfection.

The Barisi Corner, Part 1

(yes there are 2 parts, one for each scene. don’t judge me, this was a long time coming)

I loved the first moment, at the precinct. The entire squad, plus Barba, were discussing the absurdity of using the first amendment as a justification for rape. Sonny had some thoughts on the subject, almost as a devil’s advocate (no pun intended), and he tried to express them, but of course Barba cut him off, because that entire theory is crazy. There’s no such thing as blanket consent. Even if the girl agreed in abstract that rape can be a “cure,” she would need to consent in the moment, and that consent could be withdrawn at all times, as Barba pointed out.

But.

Sonny kept on. Respectfully. Without yelling or getting mad. Sonny agreed with Barba, of course, but that wasn’t the point he was trying to make. That’s why he didn’t let Barba’s interruption stop him. He was, again, respectful, all “of course, but I’m just saying, hear me out,” etc., but he stuck to his guns. He showed the appropriate degree of deference to an experienced ADA like Barba, but he kept talking.

And Barba kept listening.

Sonny’s point was that the case was tricky, and the victim was confused and easily manipulated, so a good defense attorney (btw I love this defense attorney, I had missed him!) would “lather that up” into consent. What a great phrase, and what a Sonny Carisi phrase, frankly. Punctuated by the classic Sonny Carisi gesturing :D

Barba’s reaction to Sonny’s totally accurate (and prophetic) remark?

“…I agree.”

Simple as that. No snark, no sass. Barba was smizing the entire time, of course, but this was about work.

I mean, the fact they even spoke to each other was progress, but the fact they had a cordial conversation about the legal aspects of the case, and they came to an agreement? WE ARE BLESSED :’)

I always love it when the show remembers Sonny is a lawyer, and he can actually argue the specifics of a case (here, the strategy of the defense) with Barba, in a way the other cops can’t. That hadn’t happened in a long time. When Liv suggests something (like playing that tape, last week), it’s more intuitive and less strategic. More “this is the right thing to do,” and less “this is the smartest move for us right now.” Sonny thinks like a lawyer. Like Barba. And Barba knows and appreciates that.

This season has done away with any and all personal plots and characterization and interpersonal dynamics, but this one scene allowed me to fanwank it as progress. To pretend we didn’t just watch a boring scene about the law. Instead, we witnessed Sonny and Barba being totally professional, and in sync, and working together as equals. Analyzing a case, listening to each other’s points, and coming to an easy agreement. We basically witnessed an ideal working relationship :’)

The Barisi Corner, Part 2

I also loved how Sonny sat in on that meeting with Barba and Liv, when they spoke to the rapist and his attorney. There was no reason for Sonny (or Liv, lol) to even be there, technically, but that was less of a meeting and more of an interrogation, so Barba relied on his two most trusted police officers :D

I think Sonny was there because he could relate to the guy, having been raised in the faith. Barba (again in Unholiest Alliance, by the same writer) was clearly aware Sonny is a “good Catholic,” so I think he may have suggested it. Or Liv could have. Cozying up to a perp is the old Sonny’s go-to move, and this case demonstrated that perfectly. Sonny was the only SVU cop able to display a genuine understanding of the boy’s faith, but also his blind adherence to the reverend’s commands. That’s why Sonny mentioned his own relationship with the priests in his youth.

Sonny was in that room for that explicit purpose. That’s why he was sitting there, all sprawled out and sexy, ready to get up and pounce. He practically took over the interrogation, with Liv and Barba chiming in here and there. I think all three of them (BARSONISI ALERT) agreed that would be their best play, and they possibly even practiced it. The best way to get the kid to crack. To understand that, just like Sonny said, it’s not right to quote the Bible to justify a crime. I loved Sonny’s confidence, in that scene.

Speaking of confidence and Barisi, I LOVED it when Sonny got all sassy, saying, “let’s hit this guy where it hurts the most,” and Barba was smiling like “that’s mah boyfriend, I’ve taught him well!” I just loved that. We hadn’t gotten a real, solid friendly look between them in so long. I’m glad Sonny got to deliver the cocky line, for once, and I’m even more glad we got to see Barba’s amused-slash-approving reaction. Sonny has gotten significantly more confident through the seasons, and it’s always great to see Barba acknowledging that with delight.

Stray Thoughts

lol at Barba being all “omg we blew it, we lost the jurors, we’re done,” even though their case was still pretty solid.

Double lol because last week Barba was all “d’oh, it’s hypnotism! Which is totally real! What a slam dunk! I’m totally winning this case!” :D

I see Fin is still a detective, glad we cleared that up. You know, because Liv introduced him as such. Even if he’s “practicing his Sergeant skills,” which, how rude were Sonny and Amanda, by the way? Crack a smile, you guys, Fin was making a joke! to remind us he is kind of a Sergeant but not really! I wish Peter and Kelli had given legit deadpan looks, though, to make it even funnier. As it was, the scene was kind of awkward. Except Ice, who was hilarious.

Also, hey, remember how Fin’s son is gay? lol me neither also, hey, remember fin is a grandfather? lol no one does

When the friend said, “YOU WERE RAPED,” Liv’s face was like, “excuse you, honey, I’m the only one who’s allowed to scream that in a victim’s face.”

The actor playing the rapist was very good! So creepy. Almost robotic, until he cracked in the end. Very nice performance, he really made the episode. All the actors were great, in fact.

Liv’s colorblock jacket? Flawless.

I’m going to need all the gifs of Sonny sitting behind Barba, all sprawled out, please and thank you :’)

[deltreey]

An Amazing Dream

I had an amazing dream.  For you to understand it fully will require a bit of context about me.

1. My family is crazy.  Not in a “we’re super religious way”.  Faith is a thing, but not a big thing with them.  They’re crazy in a secular way.  Most of the time, they do things to avoid doing extra work themselves.  They are bigger into metaphysics than faith.  I’m not really into metaphysics stuff.  It all feels pretty silly.

2. I spend all day in front of my computer programming.  In the background I listen to/watch a group youtubers that play Minecraft.  The series is called Hermitcraft and they call themselves the Hermits.

3. This dream may not mean to you what it meant to me.  I have only just recently began to get chills.  Unless I was sick, this was never a thing for me growing up.  They’re not cold chills, just, tiny tingly shivers all over my body.  The thing is, they only show up when I’m doing religious things: talking about God, reading a passage in the Bible, or at Church.  They’re not there all the time, but when they are there, if I take a logical look at what I’m doing, it’s something particularly deeply spiritual.

So here’s my dream.

A little boy was born in my family and I was caring for him.  He was too little to hold his head up and I was simply being silly and playng with him like you do with small children.  My family was clearly just happy to have relief from caring for him.

This is where dream logic gets weird.  It’s complicated, but I dreamed that I was unintentionally being a jerk to a bunch of people I respected all while trying to impress them with how smart I was, when ultimately I was just copying them.  It was an ugly mashup of all the things we do when we’re not thinking for ourselves and focused too much on how others see us.  (Isn’t it funny how that’s how it always works?  It’s not usually the act of trying to hurt others that causes us to do so, but simply the act of not considering others and being purely focused on what “I want”.  I find this is particularly bad when the thing that “I want” is respect and admiration)

I was genuinely worried about one such person and started saying what he was doing was evil.  I was being silly (the consequences of what we were doing had zero effect on the real world--the setting was a video game), but it was an odd thing to do.

As the video game ended I had been made to look incredibly foolish by the people I respected.  I had failed to do anything right.  I was in their way.  I was copying them instead of doing my own thing.  I never finished anything, and of course, I spent the whole time insulting them by calling them all evil.

After, I sat down in a circle with some of them and a metaphysical guru (a man) sat down with us.  He started to talk about the evil in the world.  I looked around at the others and started to analyze the situation.  I talked as I did so, saying things like “well, this person has this flaw but no, that’s not really evil”.  Then, the guru told me “It’s the one who has been surrounding this place with the word evil” and pointed at me.  I felt so inconsiderate.  How could I sit there pointing at others and calling them evil.   Of course I was being a jerk.

It was a dream, so when people make bold statements like that, everyone moves at once.  The others rushed over held me down, which wasn’t very necessary because I was just sort of waiting it out, but the guru was right.  They covered me with ash and began praying over me and it felt like he was exorcising me.  Like I said, I’m not big into the metaphysics thing, but to some extent I was like “I don’t know, maybe I am”.  After all, the things he had said were true.  I was using the word evil nonchalantly to call out other people and ignoring the flaws in myself.

My family began to surround me and join in the prayer.  At one point, my little sister came running over toward me, but I stopped her with my knees (I was laying down and my arms were held down).  She bounced off and fell onto her butt.  I felt bad, but I didn’t mean any harm (I have no idea what importance that has in the story).  As the prayer continued, the man who had started it was no longer around and I could feel myself the tiniest bit lighter.  I thought that maybe I was trying to see something where there wasn’t anything, but who knows.

As things were calming down, the little boy was handed to me again.  He was still very floppy and I held his head up.  I noticed his eyes.  His right eye was massively bulbous and staring at me.  His left eye was lazy and looking up and to the left (my right).

He spoke to me (I was impressed that an infant could do this, even in my dream brain) and said “I love you. You’re my favorite --.  You’re the best --.”  I missed some of the words, but I hugged him tightly with joy and then woke up.

When I woke up, I was filled with immense joy and knew, without a doubt, that those were God’s words to me.  I’m his favorite something.  Does it really matter what?

It was also a very clear message.  Quit focusing on what others are doing wrong and pay attention to yourself.  When you’re running around calling everyone else evil--well, you guys get the idea.

I got up and grabbed a glass of water (ask my wife, I never do that when I wake up, I suffer the dehydration instead).  As I was standing in the kitchen, and even during bits and pieces of the writing I’m doing now, I’ve had those same tingly chills.

I wasn’t sure if I should write it down.  I figured “nah, I’ll just tell her in the morning”.  When I got back into bed, my wife was dead asleep (trust me, I can tell).  The second I lifted the covers she was awake--groggy, but more awake than she usually is when she’s that far gone.

She said to me “What’s going on?”  I told her I had an amazing dream.  She said to me “Did you write it down?”  Now I have.

[mattmoore007]

The Calling

My day began like another day until God spoke to me regarding the need to fully step out into a gifting he had been growing in me for many years. This training was like no other and incorporated all the trials I have been through in my life from birth to today. These trials have taught me and continue to teach me about life as a whole and how to connect with others on a deeper Godly level.

So what’s this gift? Well simply it’s the gift of a Prophet, which may sound crazy and up for debate, but truly I know God and I know the relevance of his word today and that’s what I hold onto.

There are many different elements that make up a Prophet and we will look at a few of some true life examples. But before I do I just want to share with you a couple of short stories of where my journey began and even though I didn’t know it at the time it would shape my life and choices and some a bit more recent.

When I was about 9 or 10 I remember watching the news and being brought up in a time when there was more than one major terror group, I saw what could only be called a dance, an Islamic Jihadi dance and I remember saying this words that Islam would form over 90% of terrorism in the world yet they were only a small faction at the time.  At the time people thought I was a crazy child with a fertile imagination, yet today it is very true. Now just to note when I refer to Islam I’m not talking about the watered down western version, but real Islam which is a demonic spiritual force working through individuals, who need to be set free.

There have also been many other times I have spoken into people’s lives since becoming a Christian and seen them come to pass. While operating in the gift I was still learning and not fully understanding what was going on. But God began telling me the first element he gave me to grow in was discernment. Discernment (Act 16:17-18) though is a lot easier when helping others than when working on yourself. That’s normal and God provides ways to support you as you support others. I would also resist at times sharing the words with people and even the church due to fear of rejection and rebuke.

In recent years this has been ramped up to a whole new level, which includes the burden I have for people, especially ones who God has a real purpose for that he has called me to speak in the lives of giving truth even if it’s hard to hear. Anyway, more on that as we go along.

Equally, God has given me clear visions and dreams, some spiritual in nature some not. One example would be one night while on retreat God gave me a vision, of a list of people that needed to leave the ministry I was working for in the USA. Included on that list were people that had been there since the beginning, or had real power and influence on it. Then there was one name I should have expected, it was mine. Well, I did leave within a few months and then that same year every person on that list had gone for which there must have been about 20 names.

During that time God poured on me a wisdom anointing much like in John 16:13 which has helped me when sharing with others.

So what are some of the key elements of a Prophet?

Worshiper Judges 5:1-5, I love to worship and have at times been shown visions of worship in Heaven much as Isaiah did in Isaiah chapter 6.

Intercessor 1Kings 13:6, Ephesian’s 4:11-12 (seek God on account of others), I have struggled with and have needed to get into focus. By nature I am a fixture and so would act first and pray later when to trying to help someone. For example, I knew there was an Ungodly spirit over the place I was working and I even knew it by name, it was the spirit of Jezebel. Now I know this spirit well as we have tangled before, but this time I did not pray first and took it on. As I did it left, however, I did not see the fact it was over another area of my work, as thus attacked me when my guard was down using weak minded individuals to do it.  

Another time was when I felt a burden for a friend who lives far away and was making a bad choice. Again my heart and spirit were burning and again I told them (which was right). But it all went wrong because like a dog with a bone I would not let it go. God convicted me of that and explained what he wanted me to do in those situations (lesson learnt).

Meek, Philippines 2:1-18, and Forgiving, Numbers 12: 1-13: One thing I always do which at times annoys people, especially when I don’t need to, is say sorry. Yet I do this because I truly never want to hurt people, so when/if it happens I always seek to make it right. My heart is to always seek to change and be as humble as possible, keeping my heart pure before God.

This goes into the next part which is forgiveness, this is hard to do yet vital and something I always ask God to help me with. You see I’m not perfect and fail in these areas yet to know God is to truly know his love, mercy and grace.  

The word of God, 1 Samuel 15:22: You know people will tell you, you need to know the bible chapter and verse to understand it. While to an extent that maybe true yet we need to go much further. In that to know his word means we study his word, and to know his word is to allow God to reveal its meaning to us. Not everybody can remember every little aspect of God’s word, but when it comes alive you live it, and it becomes part of you. I have a bad memory and may not know exactly where it says certain things but I change through studying it, and the truths flow. Equally, we can’t compromise the word of God for anything.

Fight for truth, Jeremiah 1:17, and those who need support, Jeremiah 15:20-21, and seek justice,

1 John 4:13-21: I have lumped these three together because they all go hand in glove. You see to fight for truth is to fight for those in need, and in both instances seek justice. I mean I truly hate it when I see people being hurt or mislead even when they themselves don’t realize it, and they see the person doing it is really great. If I care for someone I am like a guard dog and will be willing to protect with my life.

On this note I would say that to help people in this way means being willing to share hard truths with them with no agenda, using Godly wisdom and a pure heart. You see at times I share and people will accept the word however hard it is. But then there are others who would turn on me, ignore me or say you are the only one who is like this, yet many times come back and say you were right, to which I would say no God was right I was Just sharing what he told me too.

For example, a member of my old youth group was going to move to Scotland to be with a guy. While listening to her and picking words and phrases she said, which many people would miss and through a Godly assistance. I shared with her that she shouldn’t do it, but she said: “I don’t care I’m going anyway.” She left and one month later she called me, asking me to pick her up at the station which I did because it didn’t work out. There have been times since then she would call me about perspective boyfriends and I would pray and share as God leads.

Listening1 Samuel 3:10: This is a vital element because you need to be listening to God and knowing his voice. But also when he gifts you, you will hear the key phrases people will say and many will miss, even if they are trained in secular therapy fields. I also believe having this gift is what has made me more successful than many counsellors. Because with God you see the person as a whole, recognise the spirits that may try and control and have the Holy Spirit to guide you as well as dealing with the spiritual aspect.

Not always social, Proverbs 10:19: Prophets were not the most social people and would avoid certain social occasions, this is something that I have done yet I see now that I needed to at times so to focus on God.

Now people that know me will read this and say but Matt prophets had great faith and never struggled. Yet you do massively and reading you Facebook at times tells us that.

Well you know to see how prophets actually did struggle we need look no further than to one of the greatest of them all, Elijah in 1 Kings 19. You see he had done an amazing thing for God in that he destroyed the prophets of Baal, yet when faced with being killed by Jezebel he ran for his life. One scripture that anyone will tell you denotes someone in a depressive state is verses 4 and 5 where it says,

    ‘4 while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.’

Also Aaron the Prophet when he asked to build the golden calf while Moses was on Mount Sinai. In Exodus 32:2-6,

‘2 Aaron answered them, “Take off the gold earrings that your wives, your sons and your daughters are wearing, and bring them to me.” 3 So all the people took off their earrings and brought them to Aaron. 4 He took what they handed him and made it into an idol cast in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool. Then they said, “These are your gods,[b]Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.”

5 When Aaron saw this, he built an altar in front of the calf and announced, “Tomorrow there will be a festival to the Lord.” 6 So the next day the people rose early and sacrificed burnt offerings and presented fellowship offerings. Afterward, they sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in revelry.’

We forget prophets of the bible were human too and had struggles, yet God never abandoned them and restored them. See I believe we go through struggles to better understand the struggles of others. This is also I believe is one reason why Jesus came, yes he was perfect, yes he never made mistakes. But he came to earth as a man to walk in our shoes, to say look I am doing this to show you I understand.  

So what now for me? Well, I am studying the work of the other prophets, seeking and trusting God, Praying for a thicker skin than I have when it comes to people wrath. While praising God through the storms of my life.