#which for those of you who dont know is from the series lucids

[thenamessparkplug]

a very unfortunate series of events has lead me to thinking about lucids again

don't worry ill be normal* by morning by ohhhhh man ohhhh jeez

*as normal as I can physically get about lucids

[bellybiologist]

Some Ramblings

[[Content Warnings for Death, Cancer, and pooossible spoilers for Netflix The Sandman]] Last week, I finished watching the Sandman series on netflix with friends. The BF highly enjoyed it and i wanted to get in on it too so i could talk about it with him. And i def recommend it! There are Some Notes™ but still very much worth the watch and support. (It’s very gay, and that by itself gives it a lot of points)

The big reason i’m bringing it up because my favorite episode “The sound of her wings” really did a lot for me.

For those who were keeping up when my mother died of pancreatic cancer August last year, you may remember that she had chosen for herself to be taken off life support. She was completely Lucid and present when making this decision, so we as a family, a family who several times have collectively had casual conversations about how “we wouldnt want to stay on life support” while watching things like Grey’s anatomy together, respected it and understood. 

So the deed was done. She was given a “Merciful release” which, for those who dont know, is when they are taken off life support, the oxygen is turned up, and they are given a morphine drip to minimize suffering. 

Objectively, this was what she wanted, and we all feel it was the best choice and outcome given the cards we were dealt, but during the lows of my grieving, it’s so very hard to not have regrets about it.

We were told that there was no definite time that she would pass, and cuz of Covid, we werent able to stay as long as we wanted.

It took about 8 hours for her to finally pass after we left the hospital. My aunt woke me up from sleeping after midnight on August 7th to let me know.

During the lows of my grieving, it’s very difficult to not think that we just let her suffocate alone in the hospital, and the thought popping up at regular intervals has really fucked me up this past year, imma be real.

Now, back to the Sandman. My family is Christian, but i never really was super devout or anything, but the episode “The sound of Her wings” really brought me a lot of comfort concerning the above situation.

I really enjoyed Neil Gaiman’s  interpretation of death, both in the Netflix series and the DC incarnation. And Kirby Howell-Baptiste played the part incredibly. The character was fun, down to earth, and my favorite character of the series outright. Plus, I can simply say my favorite DC character is Death 😌.

The concept of kind and friendly psychopomps is a good one. It’s nice to know that there was someone who couldve been there to guide her to afterlife. so she wasn’t just alone, that she had a friendly face on this final leg of her journey. Because she was so tired. After what she had been through, no one deserves to be alone, yknow?

Thinking about it still makes me cry, but they aren’t pained tears like they usually are. This character and episode has brought some healing, I feel.

[oswinunknown]

OK ANOTHER CRACK THEORY FOR ISWM BUT MY MIND IS JUMBLED N IDK IF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE

what if ahwm, adwm, wkm was all inside a simulation of sorts?

in the trailer you can see a shot of mark and us looking at this expansive room of cyro chambers. we also see several shots of a wormhole portal thingy, and notably, pam's character slapping mark and his red hat off.

i have a theory that the entire crew of the invincible are all sleeping in those chambers, us included.

mayhaps the earth was being destroyed, by those aliens we see in every "with markiplier" series we get, and the crew had to flee. but somewhere along those lines the travesty of the loss of earth was too much to bear, and the crew was put to sleep in a cyrochamber to ensure that humanity survives.

inside said cyrochamber is a simulation that the user can run stories and fantasies. and kinda like a lucid dream only everyone doesnt know that they can influence them.

except mark.

what if one day, he realized that he could influence the simulation he has. the ability to create a story at his fingertips.

so he starts trying to learn more on how to control it, incidentally going as what we know as actor mark. hes getting too cocky, self centred, thinks he's the main character.

and so as he grows in his power, the more larger stories he makes.

eventually he learns how to get other crewmates into his stories, whether having them play their character in the plot but still folowing his storyline or just as a visual. he pulls in pam's character, tyler's character, matpat's character, etc.

mark continues to create stories, going with whatever would be cool in his eyes, adding egos, darkiplier, wilford, etc. but eventually the plotline is hard to follow. the simulation is struggling to keep up with whos who, whats happening, etc

eventually everyone wakes up from their sleep, and they think the earth is fine now. and thus iswm starts from here

however as we go through, mark starts realising how he doesnt have the ability to control the plot anymore, the characters. but yet, somehow, he knows he's not out of the simulation.

he starts panicking, using his characters as a coping mechanism like with the hat clip which leads pam's character to slap him.

eventually we start making desicions that mostly end up with mark dying. except this time i dont think he remembers any of the other times hes died, hence the "I always come back!" line.

at some point we end up going through the worm portal thing and smth happens idk thats all the crack theory i got

[alatismeni-theitsa]

What are some comedic/ funny cultural jokes that happen Greece (kinda like what are some popular memes or sayings \\ like how in the US we say vine references as jokes)?

Omg I was hoping to get this question!! We are very in touch with US memes and we use American memes and sayings very often. About Greek memes, we mostly make them out of Greek classic series and trashy shows. 

We have a show with a host called Anita Pania and “every nut from all kinds of nut trees” (aka weird people) go there. Appearances there include:

the “Star of Sage”  

the “Just Love” man 

the woman who passionately sung “Cobra, you are a Cobra!” 

and many more.

The face of Anita while watching people like these talk is priceless!

There is another show («Ευτυχείτε») with Katerina Kainouriou as hostess. It’s famous for women calling to have their problems solved. These stories are usually crazy scenarios like “I am pregnant and the father of the child is the father of my husband” etc. We make fun of those stories and also with the crazy astrologist, Mara Meimaridi, who tries to help those women. She is a scammer and delusional but her shade is epic!

We have videos from the Greek Big Brother show, where people had breakdowns about nothing. It’s truly a treasure of trash <3

The Classic series are mostly from the 90s and early 2000s. These include iconic characters from:

Τwo Strangers (Δυο ξένοι)

(Τhe Iconic Deny Markora with her big mouth and great burns)

Joy’s Cafe (Καφέ της Χαράς)

Fatseas, the (trying to be a) know-it-all villager.

Konstantino's and Eleni's (Κωνσταντίνου κι Ελένης)

He is a grumpy, overly conservative and narrow-minded Byzantinology professor with a surname of former Byzantine royals. He has written an unpublished book called "The Sewer System in Byzantium", which he regards as a masterpiece. Watch him go crazy for one of the sexiest Greek singers, Sakis Rouvas.

Peggy Karra, a completely talentless individual with a dream to become a famous actress. She constantly tries to grasp leading roles at various plays, especially ancient ones. (She brought Antigone and The Bacchae back to fashion with her trashy acting!) SHE IS THE WOMAN FROM MY BANNER :D

In the nick of time / Sto Para Pente (Στο Παρά Πέντε)

Zoumboulia "Zoumbi". When in danger, she often resorts to religion and when agitated, she emits a high-pitched "iiiii" sound, slaps her lap and sometimes faints. (Υοu can hear the iiiii in these compilations! (Link1) (Link2) )

Theopoula. A grandma suffering from senility due to multiple strokes, she has flashes of astounding insight and lucidity and does the craziest things. She hates her daughter-in-law for being short. Her most famous phrase is “Can sex ever be stopped???” while hitting drums.

Other stuff: 

We have the category of memes “Ancient memes” where we put captions on ancient art and art pieces from all over the world.

The phrase “Good afternoon” was established to mean “sex” after the host of a PG-13 afternoon show shockingly said “good afternoon!” every time something sexual was on the screen.

You know how English people say “I need this advice for a friend, not me” or “My friend has this problem, not me”. We do it too and we are self concious about it, so we make fun of ourselves by saying “I don’t have this problem, a cousin from the village, you dont know her”

We are making fun of boomers who believe conspiracy theories and don’t know how to spell. (Iliteracy is a real problem. What we are making fun of is the confidence to post “scientific” nonsense) We immitate them by saying "the government sprays us with chemicals, the earth is flat1!one!1" with bad orthography.

In Greece there was a recent Saint/Prophet, (minor) St. Paisios. He had said something along the lines of “It will be like you live in peace but you won’t live in peace”. And so we take that phrase and alter it to fit the circumstances. For example, “It will be like Friday, but it won’t be really like Friday” - and we put an image of Paisios next to the quote :P

That’s the basic ones. Greeks have a rich (meme) culture so I couldn’t include everything. I will probably add more in reblogs later!

[dear-yandere]

—ask collection!

a collection of mostly very old chats and sweet asks that i never got around to answering! thanks for the patience and love!! 

beware, fairly long post... woops....

chat asks.

darling: Eu-jin is best boy. Change my mind.

vanya: i am physically incapable of fulfilling that request, how dare you do that to me... i’m biased since he’s my own oc, but i would die for my (very best) boy eu-jin... who can resist such a gentle yandere that loves you so whole-heartedly?

that reminds me! he’s actually based off of kuroyuki and gekkamaru from the otome nightshade, so if you want similar characters by any chance, do check them and the game out ♡

darling: I was watching the dub for Part 5 of JoJo's Bizarre adventure yesterday...Mista called himself Daddy and I like- sdfghjfgsdhnhnmj!! My heart can't take this--

vanya: WAIT HE DID???? i’m not even big on daddy kink and reading that made me go �� this is vital information to know... what episode was this??? for research purposes, of course. gotta perfect my yan! mista, after all~...

darling: for yandere songs, have you heard of the major to minor covers by chase holfelder :O? the way he delivers the lyrics in some songs (betty, all i want for christmas), added with the key changes to minor, is really fantastic, and gives a stalker-ish vibe imo! and he's a really good singer in general

vanya: i have!! a good chunk of them are actually on my personal yandere playlist, so i end up hearing them frequently when i’m writing!! i haven’t been keeping up with his uploads recently, so ‘betty’ is completely new to me and just, wow???????????? this man is an absolute god send for us “romantic” horror fans... ♡

this ask gave me such a lovely idea, though, darling: assigning yandere types/mbti based off each of chase’s minor key covers. i think i’ll do that just for you. ♡

darling @blossomiich​: I reread some of your old character interaction asks and saw the one with Jotaro hugging his Darling after a panic attack and the elephant seal plush reminded me of the iconic C H O N K Y ringed seal plushie that was kinda trending and I can totally imagine Jotaro having one of those >w< that's so adorable!

vanya: i honestly don’t remember that interaction, but then again i don’t remember most things hmghng so i looked it up and

j...just imagine star plat hogging it and not letting joot cuddle with it 🥺 the duality of man...thank you for this cute image...

darling: Umm, sorry for asking this. I'm just curious because of your bio language in your header. Are you Chinese too, perhaps?

vanya: no worries!! i’m mixed guyanese (indian, chinese, & possibly black and/or portuguese), but my family only celebrates (or rather, acknowledges?) our indian descent, since the majority of our family is predominantly east indian. 

my header is actually a quote from a danmei novel (and one of my all-time favorite fandoms), tiān guān cì fú (heaven’s official blessing)!

darling genki stan anon: Omg you're writing for free now, i didn't expect that one lol. It's a cute show innit? Not a nagi stan but I feel like nagisa has that kinda unsnapped personality that would make him peak delusional yandere material lolol like oikawa but less threatening and without his head being up his own ass 😂. Hope you're doing well!! -gsa

Gdjsjs im such a fool, i think my last ask said something about not thinking you'd write for free when i literally just pointed out kisumi on your sideblog LMAO my bad 😅 😂 also ill hold back on the gen chan requests because ive already asked so many in the past! Thank you though 🥺. Also feel free not to post this, it can just dip into my onesided chats with my lil flower 💐 so long as you receive them im fine 😌 -genki stan anon

vanya: nagisa isn’t my favorite (kisumi is), but gods if he wouldn’t make a great yandere. honestly, out of the iwatobi boys, nagi is probably the most unhinged. i wouldn’t peg him as delusional, at least not at first; i think he’s very lucid and knows exactly what he wants and how to manipulate people in order to get it!!! kisumi is fairly similar now that i think about it... i might... have a type...

please feel free to send in gen-chan requests whenever you want!!!! i’m kinda super asocial, so it’ll take me a while to answer, but i love getting asks from you since you’re so sweet and excitable!!! your little flower reads and cherishes them all!! 🥺

also darling genki stan anon: Sorry for spamming you with asks hdjkdks, u dont even need to reply im just kinda brain empty venting here whether you recieve them or not 😂 i just needed to confess that while yes i am #1 gen simp, and he is undoubtedly my fave oc of yours but that Ilya tentacle smut had me very much so highkey kinda 👀, had to re read the genki oral style drabble to bring my head back. He dont even need to worry about luca bc that man a thot. I think therin is a thot too but like lowkey, a classy thót -gsa

vanya: omg i’ve kept this one for forever mnmghngh i might’ve even answered at some other point, now that i think about it... but i just 🥺 gosh i hope i find my muse soon, because i really wanna write you a genki fic 🥺 hhhh

the ilya tentacle smut was so in character for that boy... i have no clue how to write monsters, much less tentacles, but i’d honestly do anything for him 🙏 kinky russian boy...

therin is definitely a classy thot, the kind that only bangs the finest concubines then turns around and slut shames you for banging the very same prostitutes gbfmngnfg rules don’t apply to him, in his kingdom...wish that were me tbh ✊😔

sweet asks.

darling one: i've read almost all of your dazai and chuuya fics and i love them so much!! your formatting is also super aesthetic just a question, i saw on your kofi that you also draw so i was wondering if you drew all the header arts?? bc they're all super pretty :) have a great day!

darling two: Just wanted to say love the writing and the way your format your posts is so aesthetically pleasing. One day I hope my posts looks half as good as yours because I legit can't get over how pretty and organized it looks.

vanya: omg thank you so much!!!! one of my bffs, yue, is to thank for the formatting and aesthetic choices, really! if you wanna see more of her aesthetic formats and posts, she actually runs a few blogs! you may know her as @milkscafe​, formally @milkaaton! i adore her and her aes choices so much 🥺

as for the headers, i don’t draw 99.98% of them! i have drawn a couple, but they’re so few and far in between since i almost never finish my art wips haha... my older posts are lacking proper credits because i’m an absolute idiot, but i’m slowly working my way backwards to credit them all where possible! they’re all indeed super pretty!!!

have a great day yourself, my love!!

darling: THEY’RE NOT BAD CONTENT, I LOVE THEM ALL

vanya: this was in response to a now-deleted lil blurb but i kept it in my inbox because i wanted to say i love u very much and seeing this ask each time i open my inbox makes my heart skip a beat ♡

darling: Listen I love your writing, you inspired me to start it myself! I've always loved to write, and read of course but your style and concepts just stick with me. If you where to write something besides Yandere content/fandom content and started your own series? I would read the shit, out of it. I'm always nervous to interact with my favorite writers because you know, I'm afraid of the impression I'd leave but I just wanted to say this anyway! 💞💞💞🔫😳

vanya: wowowow fgfnmgnfmngfg that’s such a high compliment my brain just gmfnbgmnf go boom fogjfngnfg and thank you for the interaction, us writers truly appreciate it no matter how awkward or nervous you think you may be / come off!!!

darling one: As a writer, your post struck a nerve with me. I don’t send feedback to writers I like nearly as much as I should (and certainly not as much as I’d like in return as a writer). So, as such, I’m going to start doing that when I can, starting with you.

You are an incredible writer. You were one of the first yandere writing blogs I found and you’re still one I check in on regularly to see what you have been working on. You can portray a sense of suspense and intrigue in a natural way that many other writers - published ones included - struggle with. You delve into the darkness without it feeling forced, and you have an amazing grasp on the psyches of the characters you write for (which is a quality I adore in writing and strive toward myself).

I’m not great at ending these things so I guess.. you keep doing you? Because the you is great and I appreciate it.

darling two:  hey. i'm here to tell you that from the bottom of my heart i love you and your writings. i really admire your writing skills. you inspire me. one of your posts once saved me from a nervous breakdown. thank you for everything you do. you're a wonderful person. good luck!

darling three: I wanted to tell you that thank you for writing such wonderful beautiful writings and that you take time to edit and write I hope you are taking care of yourself 💖❤

darling four: Thanks. I was having a hard time and deleted all my apps, but as soon as i opened my phone my first instinct was to look at your blog and i got my motivation back. Thanks (:

darling five: Hi ! I just wanted to say I really enjoy the stories you write and how they are detailed so well ! Stay safe and I hope you have a good day/night ! ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

vanya: ahhhh, these are very old asks mostly dating back to my “tumblr writing community is dying” post, and i’ve kept them this entire time because i’m just so starstruck. i have no clue how to reply to compliments, so i’m not sure what else to say besides that these asks made me very happy and got me through a few insecure moments!!! i’ve actually been feeling a little down about my writing recently, mostly because of lack of motivation / inspiration, so revisiting these really warmed my heart, so thank you truly ♡ i’m certainly keeping the originals in my inbox until the end of time!!

darling @monstrously-obsessed: psst, this local cryptic mom thing send all of their love for you 💕

vanya: your local herbo says she loves you very much momster 🥺 mwah

also, to the anon worried about my safety:

thank you so much for pointing that out!!! it hadn’t even crossed my mind when i made those ocs, so i appreciate your concern! i was contemplating revamping those two as is, so this is a great place to start! thank you again!!

[marziblogsworld]

So finally! I am done with 9-1-1. I know i am super late and the reason i was late because i was waiting for @fandom-101 to catch up on this amazing series which in turn i have to pause and wait so then we can watch it together. So without wasting any time anymore lets jump right into the review.

I am sad and emotional because i have to wait like a whole year so see my crew again, i am missing them soo much, it was rough and after a season like that it is getting more difficult for me now to wait for new content.

Season 3 started with a blast and hit me at various places. I mean putting Christopher (Buck's baby child at risk!! ) the writers were in a daring mood especially when he was out hanging with Buck. The tsunami episodes was nerve wreacking and it kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time especially the whole Buck scenes( i applaud Oliver Stark for his outstanding performance).

BUDDIE! was literally thriving in this whole season and especially in the initial episodes. I got BUDDIE angts. I got BUDDIE hanging out.I got BUDDIE acting as a family. I literally got BUDDIE spending alone time at there houses. I think the whole fandom agrees that Eddie has a key to Buck's appartment and so does Buck and many times they have bunk beds together (oooohh it is making me blush just thinking about it).

EDDIE FUCKING DIAZ felt all alone because he couldn't talk to Buck!!!!!!!.Ladies and Gentlemen that part was fucking Cannon. EDDIE ALWAYS THINKING WITH A LEVEL HEAD DIAZ was fucking spiriling because he couldn't spend time with Buck. The writers were literally writing the script at the edge of Mount Everst cuz i could see the daring in them. FYI Eddie begins is like my favourite from all the begins uptil now.. I might change my review because i heard that they are going for a BUCK begins (and we all know that we gonna hail and love our boy). I still cant process,like i still think it was some kind of a weird lucid dream i had of Eddie feeling lonely when he couldn't talk to Buck because he filed a suit against them.

Buck! Oh oh Buckaroooo. I know you have been wronged and you deserved to know the truth from Bobby from the start (i am still pissed about that, what the hell baby captain!!). I completely support yah i didnt know you had it in you to pull a harvey specter. I feel like you were lucky that your friends have a heart of gold that they forgave you so fast and accepted you again after that details you spilled to your lawyers. EVAN FREAKING BUCKLY is Christopher Godfather, there i said it. I wont be surprised if Eddie has put his name under legal guardian and Christopher that child(oh baby boy is really so sweet, a kid who had CP and how his both parents left him when he didn't deserve any of this and still kept a smile on his face is an angel). Evan Buckly will go above and beyond for this kid and that line from Eddie soften my heart. "I trust you with Christopher". Which i have seen and was also pointed out by @fandom-101 that for Eddie giving his trust for Christopher to someone is not easy but he trust Buck with him and honey! You relax Buck is going to be an amazing dad, you dont worry. He might be an amazing husband too if you look the other way😉just a suggestion.

Oh i have a lot to say on BUDDIE alone! and i might do like each scene review on them.. From there first meeting to there current relationship.

Now back to other cast members

First in line is baby Captian Bobby Nash. What the hell dude!! You shouldn't have done that with Buck i know you were acting like a super worried dad or something but still you cant hold of his career just because you weren't ready. Buck and i were very disappointed at you. He was fighting alone and when he was trying to take one step at a time you decided to replace him that was hella wrong. Bobby up your game level man! I wanna see you more in S4 as my baby captain.

ATHENA when are you opening up a marriage and parental counselling because i need to sign up as your first client also honey i also had goosebumps over that whole fight scene, those voices were scary and during that whole time i was holding my sister hand tight cuz i felt every pain you were reflecting it (hands down to you Angela Basett). Also i am worried about you please try to talk to somebody, its a trauma and you need to let it out before it eats you up no matter how strong you are or holding the name of a greek goddess you gotta talk. I am excited to see more of that in S4.

Hen dreams change faster then a train changes its lane( sorry couldn't come with a great thing) but the feeling behind it was true. Now she wants to be a surgeon that fast. You do one aderline thing and you want to change your whole life on it. I wish i had a nerve to change career or life path like this. I fully support all of this and i dont know where they are taking with this but Henrietta where is your talk with Howie, not once you talked to him about all of this. He is your best friend and i remember it correctly how you were crying because you missed howie when he was a captain and you didnt want this dynamic to change so aren't you doing the same thing and i still dont mind if you change it but at least talk to him, he looks sad.

Howie our unsung Hero is finally getting some good in his life. Maddie pregnancy news was amazing and i am soo happy for them they are literally soo perfect and stable and healthy in a relationship, marry each other fast. Also i am more excited when they will break the news to Buck cuz we all know how he is with kids and now finding out that he is going to be uncle, everybody should just hold him before he sky rockted himself. Excited for that part.

Overall the season has its own hype and it kept me on my edge, each episode, each storyline, each character arch journey was amazing. I love 9-1-1 because of how much they are invested in every character whether they are main or side. FYI how many of you think Micheal tumour jumped off from his brain in the elevator when he met that hot Doctor. His gay vibes shrunk that fucking cancer. That tumour was like :bitch i came into his life so that he could meet up with his soulmate, i was a match maker and now i am outta here.

I miss them soo much and i cant wait for all of them to come back on my screen..... See you soon for S4 where we will cross this journey together this time

Make sure to follow me guys for more amazing reviews about your favourite shows, movies and books and if you have a recommendation tell me now!. Oh i almost forgot. I did started 9-1-1 lone star and i am actually liking it alot and i will post my review soon so follow me fast! , fast! fast!

[clown-bait]

Apologies (Monster Roommate AU)

So to continue my holiday mini fics for the AU heres the next one in the series! Pennywise gets in trouble and gets the silent treatment. He doesn't handle it well. On a side note I had a BLAST writing this especially the second part and Leech’s temper tantrum at work. I’ve been wanting to show her at the bar for some time now and get more of the Sawyer brothers in there! Also Penny making missing posters with sad faces drawn all over them in an attempt to be an adorable little shit. 

Pennywise Sucks at Apologies

“Who ever is playing as “trashpire” is losing badly.” Penny plopped on the couch between Freddy and Leech.

“Wow thanks for the encouragement.” Leech grumbled as Freddy stabbed her character again. The demon was himself in the game of course, playing it somehow on the stupid Nintendo power glove. Leech put the controller down and packed another bowl in a huff.

“Aww giving up so soon bloodsucker?”

“You know its not fair when you use demon magic to win. Hey Penny sweetie, help me out here do that thing you do with the tv.” she picked the controller up after taking a hit from the colorful pipe.

Pennywise growled “I am a timeless ancient evil not something you can use to cheat on video games.”

“It's not cheating if Freddy’s cheating too.”

Penny playfully covered her face with his hand causing Leech to lose once again. The clown cackled at her protest continuing to mess with her vision. Leech finally got fed up and bit down on his thumb. Pennywise growled with mock anger and the vampire released him peppering little kisses on the wound.

“Ugh can you guys take a break today? I don't want to deal with Vorhees trying to break in” Freddy scooted over as far away from the couple as possible.

“Is he at it again? Man I bet that asshole was way better when he didn't talk” Leech remembered the first time she had run into Jason and how obnoxious he was.

“Nah, He was still an asshole” Freddy grumbled taking a hit from the pipe.

“Speaking of silent giant assholes, you know who absolutely freaks me out?”

“Me?” Penny grinned proudly

“Haha you wish. You're a giant asshole for sure but you aint quiet love. No its Michael Myers, I ran into him in the store the other night and the guy just stood there silently in the middle of the aisle like he was trying to decide he wanted to stab me in the throat or not.”

Penny's face twisted into that of pure offense. HOW DARE she think someone else was scarier than HIM. HIM the eater of worlds! The master of FEAR ITSELF. Pennywise felt his eye twitch and drift apart.

“Mikey is a total jerk man, he has this high and mighty attitude. Just because you don't say anything doesn't make you the scarier monster.” Freddy let out a puff of smoke while handing the pipe to the vampire who took a long hit.

“Pfft you're the opposite end of the spectrum Fred, maybe take a page out of Myers book sometime and shut up” she passed the pipe back across Penny’s lap, who was eerily still, to the dream demon.

“Nonsense, the ladies love a chatty killer! Right clown?…Clown?…Earth to Jingles?”

Penny's eyes had rolled completely to opposite sides of his face.

“You ok Pen?” Leech waved a hand in front of his face. The clown snapped to life with a roar and his jaws extended like a goblin shark biting onto her wrist. “OW HEY WHAT THE HELL” she slapped him on the back of the head. Pennywise let go, quickly grabbing her shoulders and sniffing frantically. “Were you scared???” he asked still sniffing her “NO I'm fucking pissed off what the shit Penny!?”

“Y-you weren't scared? Not even a little?” wait was he worried?

“Looks like you're losing your edge clown! Mikey is the one who scares your girl now!” Freddy laughed and Leech threw a dusty old pillow at him.

“Kruger!!” she hissed.

Penny got up and made his way towards the well his face expressionless.

“Oooooh boy I can already tell this is going to become a thing with him.”

“Shouldn’t have said that Ol’ Mikey is the one who really gets the adrenaline pumping then!”

“Ugh don't say it like that. I don't even think he's that attractive. He wears a William Shatner mask for fucks sake”

“I'm going to tell him you said that next time I see him!”

“DONT”

“Awwww whats the matter? S-s-s-scared Mike’s gonna come get ya?!” Freddy cackled

“I will pay you not to Fred, I'm dead serious”

“Now I know what to put in your nightmares tonight!”

“You wouldn’t”

“The clown’s off having an existential crisis you're fair game bloodsucker!”

“Are you just being a sore loser because I beat you in guitar hero? I won fair and square its not my fault you don't know all the songs.”

Freddy got up and tipped his hat to her “See you in your dreams scaredy cat”

like an evil Santa he was gone.

Leech sat alone in her room trying her hardest not to fall asleep knowing that Freddy would continue to mess with her more. She suddenly wished she could lucid dream so she could just punch him in the face next time he popped up. The vampire rolled over onto her back. “Maybe if I ate something?” she thought aloud but that would require getting up and going out. She settled on reading pulling out a book she had got from the library on Derry’s history. She liked knowing about Penny’s past exploits since he was always so cryptic with her when she asked. Plus morbid stuff was interesting.

She was on a bit about an Easter explosion, over 100 children dead at the old iron works. She chuckled to herself “Man this must have been like Christmas come early for him” she kept reading recognizing his circus cart in one picture and she started wondering to herself how the hell did Penny get that down into the sewer. Her light began to flicker and Leech groaned knowing she’d have to get up and change the bulb. Stupid old house with its stupid shotty wiring. The light completely fizzed out without warning “Just my luck” she snarled grabbing a flashlight. When she turned it on she noticed something at the foot of her bed. No, someone. She brought the light up and saw the bloody stain on the figures shirt then finally to its face. It was a child. A dead one. The child spoke softly “Hello Leech wont you come play with us!” her face slowly began to decay. Leech sat back and continued to watch the show. The ghost girl floated up and landed so she was standing on Leech’s stomach. It crouched down so it was in her face.

“Come play with us!!” It roared.

“Spooky, Like the decay it’s a nice touch.”

The ghost frowned and then opened its jaws showing millions of teeth. Its tongue snaked out holding a small silver crucifix. Leech hissed at it in anger and the charm melted, sliver splashing onto her chest causing smoke to rise from her skin. She screamed in pain and the ghost realizing it messed up began frantically trying to wipe it off her. Leech’s skin began to burn and suddenly her tank top had caught fire from the heat. The ghost became the clown, who tore the burning fabric off of his mate stomping out the flames with his large boots. Penny noticing her skin was lighting on fire now, scooped her up and ran to the bathroom tossing her in the shower and turning it on.

She was soaked her favorite sleeping shirt was ruined and there was awkward burns on her boobs. Pennywise was in DEEP trouble.

“Penny…… why the FUCK did you use an actual silver crucifix to try to scare me?!”

“I-I..um did it work?”

“WHAT DO YOU THINK DO I LOOK SCARED TO YOU?”

“Maybe the fire did alit-”

“SHUT UP. I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT UP TO HER WITH YOU TONIGHT! get me a FUCKING towel and get the FUCK out” she screamed she had never gotten this mad at him before.

“You cant kick me out I own this house.”

“OUT”

The clown vanished quickly reappearing on the couch down stairs. Where he placed his giant gloved hands over his face. She’ll be back she always calls for him to come back. Any minute now….

————

A few hours had passed and Penny was messing with Freddy and Leech’s video game trying to scare kids up way too late through their screens. She hadn't called for him back.

“Someone’s been banished to the cooouuucchh!” Chucky sang from the doorway.

“I swear if you say any more words doll…”

“Heard the screaming awhile ago what did you do? It has to be good to get kicked out of the bedroom”

The clown sighed. “I tried to scare her and I accidentally set her on fire.”

“Holy shit!” Chucky cackled “thats amazing! I cant believe you fucked up that bad Jingles!”

“Wonderful.” Penny grumbled

“Don’t sweat it clown, she’ll be begging for you back in no time. You just have to be real nice for a few days, which I know is hard for you…”

“Whats the use, my mate hates me and I'm not scary anymore.” the clown moped his head sinking low.

“Pfft yeah Kruger told me she had a freaky run in with Meyers. Whats the matter losing your edge?”

“I’m not talking about this.”

“Cheer up Jingles like I said she’ll be begging for you back eventually. Bring her some gifts or somethin. Fancy chocolate chicks like that.”

“She cant eat chocolate she’s a vampire.”

“Uuuhh one of those silver charm bracelets? I stole Tiff one last week when I was in trouble for leaving that stiff on the new rug.”

“Just found out silver lights her on- wait….that was you?”

“I cleaned it up!”

“Barely.” the clown crossed his arms and rolled over on the couch.

“Look that girls crazy about you, she’ll be hollering your name again soon Jingles. I'm telling ya makeup sex is the best!”

Penny rubbed his temples. He was not in the mood to talk about this.

“Did you at least say you were sorry?”

“No. When have I ever had to say that. I don't grovel at her feet and beg like a dog.”

“HAHAHAHA oh man your funeral buddy.”

Pennywise rolled onto his back and dramatically sunk into a crack in the couch. The last thing he heard was the doll shouting some useless romantic advice about dishes before he was back in his nest in the sewer.

————

It had been a full morning with no Pennywise breathing down Leech’s neck. Usually he’d play his own little games with her. Trying to distract her while she poured her breakfast in her favorite mug, leaving dirty suggestive things on her morning crosswords. His favorite game was trying to convince her not to go to work. He was very persuasive. This morning though the clown was completely absent, it was almost nice actually to finally have some space. Leech was able to go through her whole morning routine with no interruptions. It was going to be such a relaxing day. The vampire was thankful she had taken the day shift it was always slower and easier she was able to mingle with the customers more and pick better tasting victims for later. She’d forgive Penny tomorrow. Leech was going to enjoy her day off from him.

Today two young men walked into the bar they looked rugged and well built the type that would spend a lot of time outdoors. Chop-Top elbowed the newest waitress when he caught Leech staring at the lean body of one of the guys, the cannibal whispered something to the new girl and laughed. Penny would be pissed if he saw her right now and Leech smiled at the thought spinning a glass a bit just to show off. Oh he would be seething mad, but he deserves it after the way he'd been acting. The men left her a nice tip and the one she’d been eyeing gave her a grin as he left. He'd make a nice snack later. Chop-Top leaned against the bar “You're going to be in so much trouble” he laughed knowing how jealous his coworkers lover tended to get.

“I'm allowed to look, besides he deserves a kick in the ass. Penny’s been a huge jerk lately.”

Chop-Top scratched the metal plate under his 60s era wig as Leatherface came out of the kitchen “Hey big guy it’s a slow day mind if I take off early? We got plenty of burgers stored up from that last big weekend” Leech asked. Leatherface nodded and patted the vampires head Leech grinned “Thanks boss!” the giant leaned down and placed a hand on her shoulder looking at where the two men sat in concern “Don't worry Bubba, Pen and I are solid I'm just messing with him for setting me on fire last night”

“What happened unfortunate juggling accident?” Leatherface’s eccentric brother twirled on a bar stool with laughter and the pretty new girl came over to the bar. She was one of the local werewolves and the only one Leech tolerated…..Tolerated is a strong word it was more she was contractually obligated to not start any more fights. “You got set on fire?”

“Yes Sandy I got set on fire. You didn't notice the burns on my cleavage?” Leech rolled her eyes. this bitch talks too much.

“What cleavage?” Chop-Top joked and Leech pushed him off the stool hard.

“My new boyfriend would never do that to me! He’s such a great guy!! Don't know why you put up with that kind of behavior that clown has”

“Gee Sandy! Maybe its because I actually love him and don't plan on dumping him in two weeks. You ever try that? I know its hard for you dogs to not hump the leg of everything you see” Leech muttered after turning away from the werewolf.

“What was that?” Sandy asked.

Leatherface and Chop-Top both began pointing frantically at the employee rules behind the bar. There was a new one scribbled in red marker at the bottom saying “NO MORE BLOOD-FEUDS” the vampire groaned.

“I mean um he’s an acquired taste. You get used to it.”

“I’ll say, must be so obnoxious with all that circus shit all the time. What a fucking weirdo…Oh and those bells and that shakey high pitched voice ugh”

“I. Like. The. Circus. Shit.” the nosferatu spat her fake smile beginning to crack. No one puts Penny down but her.

“it'd drive me crazy to date a guy who wore more make up than me.”

“HIS MAKEUP IS PERFECT AND HIS VOICE IS LIKE HONEY! Shut your whore mouth! I love my clown!!” the vampire roared claws scraping into the bar.

Leatherface practically threw the rule board at Leech. “She started it!”

“Your shifts over Leech, go home and no fighting” Chop-Top pushed the vampire out the door.

“FINE!” she got on her bike and rode off.

————-

It didn't help that everything reminded her of him. Leech wanted to head straight into the nearest storm drain after that incident and forgive him just so she could feel those long arms wrap around her. She was still mad at him though, and like a child he wouldn't learn his lesson unless she stuck to her guns and gave him the silent treatment. What made it hard was the clown’s presence seemed to be EVERYWHERE today. He was probably doing this on purpose so she’d forgive him faster.”That little shit.” Leech thought to herself when she saw a missing poster with her face on it. She pulled it off the wall and read it

Missing: you

24 years old

Last seen yelling at a sweet innocent clown

description: big ears, sharp teeth and bald. Cutest vampire you'll ever see!

If found please return to the nearest sewer opening or sad lonely clown. :o(

Leech rolled her eyes at the sad faced balloon crudely drawn in the corner. “You think you can win me over by being cute you need to try harder Penny” fuck he's making this difficult for her.

She folded the paper and put it in her bag. Leech tried her best to avoid every red balloon tied to almost all the street signs she came across. Somehow she ended up in the park and the vampire decided to sit in the shadiest area she could find to avoid dealing with her clown problem at home. Leech felt the familiar cramp of hunger begin to build, tearing at her insides till she could no longer ignore it. She decided to look around the crowd for someone who wouldn't be missed.

Her sensitive hearing picked up the sound of a couple local bullies shoving a kid against a tree off in the woods. This will work. The nosferatu crept into some bushes and waited for the boys to stop their tormenting. As she waited the smell of cotton candy and blood drifted into her nose. Oh great. She looked over and Pennywise was crouched in hunting mode diagonal from her. Of course he was here, that poor boy being pushed into the tree was terrified. “I’ll just take my food and go don't even talk to him…he’s probably after the kid anyway not the teens.” she thought to herself. The vampire moved closer and a twig snapped under her knee. “SHIT” she whispered then quickly covered her mouth, the poor nosferatu was still making all kinds of rookie mistakes. The teens let go of the boy who ran out of the woods and she saw the mess of orange hair snap in her direction. “Fantastic now were both mad at each other.” she rolled her eyes.

“W-whos there?” one of the boys asked. Leech sighed and shot a claw out from her bush to drag him back into it with horrifying speed while he screamed. The other boy jumped back shrieking and fell against the tree he had pinned his own victim to only a few moments before. Sickening crunching sounds could be heard from the bush the boy’s friend had just disappeared into. The surviving bully picked up a sharp branch in an attempt to save his friend and using it like a spear he stabbed into the bush Leech was feasting in. Something caught it before it made contact with her and the vampire froze turning to see Pennywise towering over the other boy. “Its rude to disturb a girl while she's enjoying her meal.” he snarled Leech had fallen back against her snack and stared up at him both in shock and relief to see Penny decided to help her out. The clown looked over at her and gave her a cocky smirk. If he thinks he's out of the dog house for saving my ass he's so wrong. Leech stood up and sarcastically smiled back at him. “What the fuck! What the fuck is that!” the bully screamed. The boys eyes were wide with tears of sheer terror from seeing his friends blood covering the vampire’s chin and the now six foot circus demon towering over him.

“Time to float kiddo” Pennywise lunged forward and delivered a perfect killing blow, dropping the body with a thud on the dirt. He turned to his vampire and gave a cocky grin. “SoooOOO….whats a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

“Cute. You use that line on all the flesh eating women you meet?” Leech rolled her eyes.

“Just the pretty ones like yourself my dear….. you going to finish that?” he pointed at the body next to her.

“I’m not giving you my meal and I'm still not talking to you” Leech crossed her arms and turned her head away from Pennywise trying not to get stuck in his golden stare.

“You’re talking to me right now though!” the clown strolled over to her and tilted her chin up to meet his gaze with a single gloved finger.

“Yeah well…. only cause you saved my ass….so thanks…asshole.” Leech glared at him. Penny sensed her beginning to break.

“My my little firecracker, is that any way to treat your rescuer? I think I deserve more thanks than that” he pulled her closer to him so she could feel his hot breath on her cold lips.

“You’re not getting any. You’ve been a dick lately” Leech looked away from him trying her best to hide the creeping blush on her hollow cheeks

“Then why aren't you trying to get away?” he was inches away from her now. Shit

“I hate you” Leech snarled and closed her eyes “Mmmmm I hate you more” his soft lips pressed against hers. Stupid clown. The vampire ran a claw through his hair pulling him into her to deepen the kiss Pennywise purred with victory. Leech unceremoniously pushed him off her with a huff facing away from him to hide the fact she was about to start grinning like a school girl. Pennywise snickered.

“You know, you're lucky I didn't punish you for chasing off my initial meal with your stupid mistakes.”

“Not everyone can be as perfect as you, I'm still learning. Give me a break.”

“Aww you're right I am perfect!” he smirked at his on lame joke.

“You're a narcissist is what you are.” Leech grumbled.

“I thought you weren't talking to me.”

“You’re right I'm not…I’m… you just….fuck….you’re so fucking frustrating you know that?” pennywise snarled and pinned her against the tree.

“Likewise bloodsucker. You have no idea how much you torment me.”

“At least I don't light you on fire when my ego’s bruised”

“At least I have an ego. Pitiful little thing, if you spent half the time you spend moping around on practice you wouldn't need me to save you from these situations.”

“I don’t need you to come save me I can take care of myself” Leech snarled back.

“That boy nearly impaled you. If I hadn't shown up you'd be one step away from losing that pretty head of yours. You're lucky I like you so much.”

Leech shoved him back “Yeah but you didn’t do it for me did you! I know you too well. You did it because you thought I’d stop being mad at you.” she took a bold step forward. Too bold. “Selfish prick… you know perfectly well I would have been fine. Stop trying to scare me with that you “would have died” bullshit I'm not in the mood.”

The clown slammed her into a tree with a growl fully pissed off now.

“Stupid girl. Do I need to show you how much I care again?” Pennywise roared his claws splintering into the tree behind her. “Go ahead” she grinned  “but you still wont be man enough to ever say you're sorry to my face.” What a brat. She was completely right of course, but still her attitude was definitely in need of adjusting. He hated when she was right.

The clown placed a knee between her legs and grabbed her neck bringing her close to him again. Leech whimpered a bit when he licked her neck and chin with greed. He groped her body possessively touching her in any way that he wanted to and the vampire glared at him trying everything she could to hide the flush of ichor under the skin of her cheeks. He was being an ass but she loved it when he got worked up like this. Stupid clown. When he kissed her again Leech moaned into his mouth pulling his waist so his hips pressed against hers. Penny had the hem of her pants in his claws prepared to rip them off until he sniffed the air and paused more humans.

“Hello? Miss you ok?” a mans voice rang out in the woods. He couldn't see the clown or the bodies Penny had hidden them, but he left Leech. Lets see how she does without him there to save her now.

Leech's eyes widened oh shit it's the guy from the bar. Shit, shit, shit!!! Penny glanced over at her and sneered “Friend of your’s darling?”

“Hey! Its you! What’s a pretty little bartender doing way out here in these woods?”

Pennywise bared his fangs in jealousy. Oh she did know him. “Yeah what are you doing out here Leech” he turned to her with an evil grin

“Oh um nothing really”

“Just fucking my lover in the woods.” Pennywise mocked her. Leech wanted to die at this point.

“JUST GOING ON A HIKE” she yelled over the clown.

“You uh seem a bit roughed up you ok?” walked over to touch her arm and she pulled back.

“Fine! I'm fine! Tripped on a rock silly me! I must have weak knees!”

“Yeah clowns seem to make them shake like a leaf” Pennywise smirked enjoying his little test.

“Want me to take a look at it?” the man asked,

“I’ll..I’ll be ok” thats a lie, she was far from ok right now especially since Penny was now running a gloved hand down the small of her back and attempting to stuff said hand down the back of her pants.

“Well in that case forgive me if I'm being too forward but my friend and I are here for a couple days while we prep for a backpacking trip. I’d love to get your number so we could hang out sometime.”

This poor boy just signed his own death certificate. He was nice too, if Leech wasn't involved with Penny she might have even said yes. He’ll make a nice meal though, she didn't get to finish her’s after all. Pennywise walked behind the man and bared his fangs snapping his jaws near his head to show Leech what he planned on doing with him after she was gone. She gave the clown a look that said Not today Pennywise. “I’m actually already seeing someone-“ she paused an evil thought entering her mind and the vampire grinned at the clown wickedly “sorta… we’re having a big fight right now really.” Penny’s playful expression dropped. She wouldn't dare.

“Oh thats a shame you're more than welcome to talk about it, I'm Brad by the way”

“Lee-Lucy! I’m Lucy”

“You're mine is what you are.” Penny walked over to her and ran his fingers roughy along his mark on her neck. Leech swatted him away.

“So tell me dear Lucy, why would this guy of your’s ever want to make you upset? If you were my girl I would treat you like a princess”

Leech shot Penny another look that said “See? A princess!” Pennywise glared at her more.

“Well, it started as a practical joke gone wrong. Now its more about how he's being a selfish  asshole”

“Well you're very cute a girl like you shouldn't have to put up with that”

“You think I'm attractive?” Leech laughed in surprise. Pennywise was fuming. “Huh I rarely ever hear that these days.” Leech looked directly into the clowns eyes.

“Absolutely, I have a thing for girls like yourself.” he chuckled and took a step closer to her. Wrong move buddy.

“Well um thanks…..don't think you'd like the real me though”

“What are you getting at Leech” Penny snarled.

Brad took her hand and Leech saw the clown twitch. “Nonsense. That guy of your’s doesn't know how lucky he is to have you.” this poor sweet boy is a walking corpse at this point. Brad leaned in while stared at Leech’s lips as if asking to kiss her.

“Dont even think about it” Pennywise’s eyes were blood red.

“Well thank you for the kind words” Leech turned away. Maybe she took this too far. She saw Penny struggling to hold his clown form together his face beginning to split. The human grabbed her chin to turn her face back to him and she glared. Ok buddy you've overstayed your welcome.  Leech looked over to Penny and winked the clown narrowed his eyes. Suddenly Brad began to kiss her and the vampire snarled with rage, she bit clear through his lip sucking in the sweet blood. Brad screamed and staggered back. Leech laughed removing her wig to free her large bat like ears, she let her front fangs extend and brought her long red tongue out to lick up the blood on her chin. Pennywise hid the small half smile that threatened to break through his scowl. He did love to watch her work after all. Brad screamed in terror and disgust “Whats the matter baby? Thought you said I was beautiful.” she laughed as Pennywise made him self visible behind her the clown was still twitching a bit. “Hiya Brad!”

“What the fuck is that! What the fuck are you?”

“This is that boyfriend I was talking about dear. He’s not very happy about what you did. Neither am I.”

“That thing? You're dating that thing?”

Pennywise grunted.

“He's a clown not a thing Brad, and yes I love him… even when he's being a jerk” she elbowed Penny hard and he elbowed her back with a huff.

“You're still not letting that go are you?” the clown side eyed her.

“No Penny I’m not, you can either swallow your pride and apologize or let me eat this guy and leave”

“Wait eat me?!”

Pennywise growled at his vampire “Don't interrupt Brad. And I have nothing to be sorry for, you're the one letting some filthy human touch you.”

“For the record I didn't want the kiss that was our friend taking it a bit too far. But you deserve it anyway after the way you’ve been acting. Biting me, lighting me on fire, all because I said someone else scared me one time? You have some serious jealousy issues.”

“Wow I’ll say”

“Shut up Brad!” Leech hissed “You could at least start with an apology Pen, but instead you just act like what you did was perfectly justified. PLUS at least the human can give me a compliment every now and then you selfish prick!”

Penny turned to growl at her more but the frantic shuffling of fleeing feet drew his attention away. He snarled at the direction of the running human and turned to Leech “I’ll be back for you.”

“Go ahead I'm still not going to talk to you until you say you're sorry though!” The nosferatu yelled.

The clown glared and vanished. When she was finally alone Leech let out a roar in frustration. Fucking egotistical inter-dimensional clown. She cried by herself for a bit the weather becoming dark and stormy as a result. The vampire left her tears in the dirt and started to head home unaware of her clown watching her silently from the shadows. He hated seeing her upset and he knew was the one who caused it. He held up Brads detached head “Ok maybe you're both right I’ve been a bit of a “jerk” lately.” he made the head nod in agreement. “Shall I try getting her back then, my way?” the head nodded no. “You would say that Brad….you stole your taste and look where that got you hmm? I'm not giving in to her little apology game.” he turned the head to look at him “Yes I know I miss her terribly. Is that what you want to hear? You're dead I don't have to listen to you” Penny tossed the head behind him and ended his macabre one sided puppet show. The clown sunk into the shadows to plan.

--------------------------------------------

I headcannon Penny talking to his victims when he’s bored. Just having weird one sided convos with corpses. Also fun fact one of the horror movies that messed me up when I was a youth was Halloween. It didn't fuck me up as bad as Nightmare on Elm ST did but it fucked me up pretty good. Ironically Nightmare became one of my all time favorites but Halloween never really caught on for me. Just not a big fan of the silent killers beyond Leatherface I guess. Next chapter is gonna get FUN.

[givemestrenghtnot2talkboutwinona]

I was tagged by @tinyryder thank you girl

Okay so answer the questions and then tag 8 people!

What made you sign up to Tumblr? My obsession with Rachel McAdams and not wanting to miss any of the great posts her fandom blogs posted

What did your blog start off as being? Rachel McAdams and The Maine, a few movies and series and personal stuff very seldom

Have you ever received any creepy asks, and if so, what did they say? Nope.

Have you ever had a bad experience on tumblr? I hate having so many porn blogs following me for no apparent reason

If you had to pick a favourite English monarch, who would you pick? I don’t know any of them

Do you prefer hot or cold? I honestly don’t know

Do you have a special skill or talent? Harmonizing, tidying, organizing, and wasting my time

Do you have a phobia of anything? Just thinking of having to go to a hospital, either for me or someone else. I guess that’s all

If you had to pick a favourite real life villain from history, who would you pick? Shoot idk any real life villain i can call a favourite

Do you have any dark traits? I can’t hide or disimulate my bad mood.

If you could do anything, literally anything, like fly on a unicorn or something, what would it be? To quote Hayley “I don’t want superpowers or anything I just want to meet Winona and have her like me”. Also travel, watch all themovies and series I’m willing so bad to watch, be an actress

What is the scale of the worst argument you’ve ever had? I’m not someone who dares to argument or discuss that much and that big so i really dont know what score to give myself. I’ve had a few discussions this past year tho, but i still dont know 

What is your favourite slush flavour? I’ve never tried those but i dont think I’ll like them

If you could bring back any food or drink from your childhood that has been discontinued, what would it be? A brand of cookies from Brazil called Trakinas which aren’t exported to Argentina anymore

What is your favourite and most vivid childhood memory? I’m not sure if its a favourite but i always remember how when i was around 6-8 years old, with my brother we used to change our clothes to wear what our mom chose for us when we were visiting our family and we would get ready in my parents bedroom with 80s-90s music from the radio. I guess that’s a reason why I love that music so much

If you could bring anyone back from the dead who would it be? My grandmother who past away when i was 3 and my mom says we have so much in common and we would spend so much time talking. And my godmother who was a gift and a blessing to me and my family

If you could go back to any time period and live there for a week, which period would it be and why? The 90’s bc the movies and clothes and music were cool and I kinda wanna be forced to live without smartphones and tablets and laptops for awhile. Also the 50′s 60′s and 70′s or the same reason. and the 80′s only for the music

If you could visit any abandoned place to take pictures, where would it be? Idk any abandoned place that i would like to photogrpah

Do you have any particular, peculiar interests? Obsessions with actresses since im 10 that make my mom suspicious of my sexual orientation which honestly is insulting af bc as a dreamer of being an actress, they are just role models and women whose acting I admire

Do you have a creepy/scary experience that has happened to you, and what was it? I have to think really hard to remember. I don’t think i had any fortunately

Do you like/read creepypasta stories? If so, what’s your favourite story? Nope

If you were in the Wars of the Roses, would you be a Lancastrian, or a Yorkist? I don’t know what that is

What is your recurring nightmare? Does it count noticing when i wake up that my dreamed days with actresses I love had never existed?

Have you ever had a lucid dream? Lately is hapenning pretty often, it’s crazy

If you could go to another planet, which would it be? Idk what kind of question is that. I guess Urane or Neptune bc i love their color

What is your religion, if any? Catholic but i don’t practice a lot. It’s more like inherated

Have you ever got so drunk, that you did something really embarrassing, and if so, what did you do? I actually never got drunk but I’m dying to know what would I do and how could i behave

Mike, Dustin, Lucas, or Will? Dustin for sure, but I also love Mike

Do you like Marina and the Diamonds? I just know the song Savages and is greeeat

Charli XCX? What?

Tag a blog that you’ve seen, and you love their posts, but have never told them, and would like to talk to them. To quote Hayley once more “Tbh when I like a blog, I usually tell them so I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t know I love them lmao” but maybe i forgot to do it with a few in the past

Pick one thing you like/love from the 80s. Its music

What year were you born, and name something cool from that year. 1997. Alien resurrection is boring but Winona is a little badass android who swears a lot and gives life. Idk what else to say

What was your blog name originally? (If you had another blog name) lucrebello, my name. I didnt want ppl i know to find my blog so when i started my Winona obsession, after a few months i changed it

Do you follow any blogs that you know the user in real life? My cousin and one of my friends but we dont talk to much here on tumblr. We have very different blogs

If you are in the ST fandom, which is your favourite song off the ST soundtrack? THE SCORE. Over, Kids, Cops are good at finding, Lay Z Boy, Agents, Eleven, You can talk to me, Stranger things, She’ll kill you, Run away, Rolling out the pool, Tribulations specially

Finally, give your opinion on the person who tagged you! @tinyryder knows all i have to say about her, she’s the best

I’m tagging @free-winona @dadharbour @antniobanderas @astrangeandunusualgirl @brie-larson @elieadeux @90sjunkie 

[thesecretisbutter]

I had a dream where I was discussing sexual identity with Samus Aran (which is weird for me because, not only have I never played a Metroid game, I have a weak connection with her character in general). But this is Samus Aran, buff space warrior goddess, so you better believe that when she said she identified as "enkie(?), like 'ink' but '3 I'"--her exact words after kissing a girl on the cheek--(and I know for a fact this is just gibberish my sleeping brain made) I googled that as soon as I woke up. It was, of course, gibberish, like I said. But it was weird, because very few things come across that clearly while I'm sleeping, especially written and verbal association (which, after looking up, is a common thing). But not only did I clearly hear and understand dream Samus, but I was able to associate the words with the spelling I should use to look them up later (because I seldom understand anything in that subject matter apart from terms that straight people use, I'm in the habit of looking these things up).

That's weird though, right?

Then I remembered something that happened to me around middle school, or just after. I was reading with most of my free time, and for long hours at a time. (Granted, at the time I was mostly reading the Twilight series and similar things to see if I could fit in with people who liked those books). There were several days where, because I was homeschooled at the time and literally no one that wasn't being paid to tell me what to do in person could make me do anything I didnt want to, I would just sit in bed and read all day. I wouldn't even eat, except maybe I'd crawl out of bed at 3 AM to grab a meal replacement bar and go to the bathroom. Literal all I did was read novels. It was extremely unhealthy, but in that period of time I experienced extremely lucid dreams. One of the prominent dreams I had was sitting at my old desktop computer (it was an ancient e-machine that ran on windows millennium) and writing, and eventually everything but the words would fade away and I would just be reading. There would be pages of words, constant paragraphs without breaks, and at the time I understood all of it. I couldn't tell you now what it was I was reading/writing, but I distinctly remember waking up in tears at least once after one of these dreams. After a while those dreams stopped, at right about the time I slowed my reading down.

I write all the time now, but it's not great. My dreams are much better. I had thought the whole thing was, like several articles state, an indication that I have a strong poetic mind. But I think I just have a strong affinity for dreams in general. Mostly, I think this because, at arount that same time, I clearly remember thinking that I'd lived out weeks of time in singular dreams and suffered from regular night terrors (which I had as a child as well, but they went away when I was about 5).

Clearly, I'm a weirdo. But I thought I'd at least share and keep a record so I dont forget.

[365daysof2017]

50/365

Dear tumblr,

I’m gonna start off my posts like this. Hi it’s me. Ash. I’m back. Sorry I didn’t post much last January but you know me, I get lazy, and I procrastinate. I’m just gonna continue where I left off with my previous blog, 366daysof2016, though, I still can’t process that it’s already 2017. 

So how am I? Great. Honestly, not. Life is really really really complicated. It’s probably really simple, just me making things complicated, I don’t know.

 I actually have been worse. I thought I’ve already moved on from David. You see, I told myself that I already need to forget him and all, and I actually did. I met some guys on kik, some lasted on my chatbox, and some didn’t, but everything seemed okay. Everything seemed okay. Then for some reasons, I started cutting my wrist. I have plans to do it again sometime but, I can still hold it.

Okay back to the “David” topic. Everything keeps coming back and it was really hard for me cause I don’t have any space in my mind to think about him. I’m already thinking about a shit ton of crap in my head, and I don’t want to think about him anymore. I thought I already forgot about him. But everything keeps coming back.

So this one day, last Saturday, we went to an Amusement Park. Nothing connected to him at all. I had so much fun! I got home at around 11PM. Then I had a fucking dream. 

It’s the worst type of dream, cause I was lucid. I’m always lucid when I dream about him, so it makes it  even harder. In my dreame, he went to the Phillipines, he apologized. He did everything. I already kinda forgot, but one thing I remember is that it was fun. I had fun. I was happy.

The morning after, I realized how important he was to me, god I was thinking about him the whole fucking day! How I was so happy with him, how he made me feel special... The whole fucking day.

At around 10PM, I was on kik, just randomly flirting with strangers online. I did something impulsive. I messaged him. 

me: dude me: I fucking hate you so much me: I wasn’t done with you yet and you fucking blocked me. So here’s the time where I was supposed to reply another message cause I was gonna flood him with hate messages, but he fucking replied. Instantly. I didn’t expect that. He never replies fast.

David: Ok. me: You fucking left me hanging David: Yea David: I suppose so me: You even called the night before you blocked me! me: what me: that’s it David: I’m sorry me: no explanation or anything David: I dont know what to say me: right me: just fucking say something please

Oh god I was so annoyed and so pissed and so nervous I felt everything at once. He didn’t even say anything. I wanted to hear something from him. I wanted an explanation. That was the only thing I needed to move on and yet he couldn’t give it to me.

David: I just David: Idk I got caught up with the army David: And I was afraid I’d hurt you David: So I ran from the situation David: Which still hurt you but atleast left room for hate me: and went to her instead me: yup

Ohhh shit put an ice to that burn, bitch.

David: Lol I’m not dating anyone so don’t try that

Uhm excuse me? Don’t you think I know anything you’ve been up to? Man I know everything. I have eyes everywhere. Everywhere. It’s kinda creepy, tbh.

me: lmaooooo me: songia??? David: Go look at my stuff David: Not dating anyone David: In fact we broke up and I slept with someone else and now we don’t talk at all First thing that came up to my mind: He’s not a virgin anymore. LMAOO.

David: So that’s that sticky situation I wasted 2 years on

Ha. Sticky. Cause you slept with someone? LMAO OKAY. me: right me: fuck me: its been months me: and its still you me: fuck you okay David: What do you mean me

Dumb-fucking-ass?? Are you that ignorant? or are you just dumb???

me: I hate you so much me: you’re still the one I remember David: Okay I expect that me: I keep having dreams

(lmao why did I say that?)

David: I’m sorry David: I dont know what to say or do me: and its fucking annoying me: its so hard to forget you me: I keep getting these dreams me: and it just made me remember you even more David: Sorry David: I don’t know what to say

ikr, it’s not like it’s your fault I get the dreams??

me: why did you just block me though me: why didn’t you atleast say something David: Trying to run again David: Realized it’s not the right thing to do David: I don’t have anything to say David: You’re right I shouldn’t have left you hanging David: It was wrong of me David: I thought about it too David: I felt bad David: But I couldn’t face it me: fuck you for leaving me when I already fell for you. me: you even said you’re gonna go here me: ugh David: Fuck me David: Okay I get it David: You hate me David: I’m shit David: Leave me alone if that’s all you want to say

Seriously dude, do you really not sense my purpose here? I want you back.

me: I just wanted an explanation lol me: and I didn’t want you to leave me: those were the words you said and I can’t believe I’m saying it me: I don’t want you to leave me alone

So that’s it that’s the serious part. The next part of our conversation wasn’t as long as this one but we were just bantering around. I don’t think he’s as comfortable with me as he was before but I feel like there’s still something.

I just feel so confused about my feelings for him, confused about what we are, confused about what he feels for me. Last Friday, he sent me a message, and I was in school

9:51 AM David: Hey David: You busy?

So I read it during my lunch time cause we were doing something

11:39 AM me: I’m in school

1:42 PM David: Call me after

2:32 PM me: I can’t I have like 100MB left

9:43 PM David: Ughh David: Noooo David: When do you get more David: You are legit so cute David: In your picture David: And your body looks good lol David: JUST SAYING.

I wasn’t able to reply cause I was watching this Selena Gomez film, Monte Carlo. It was really nice btw, I loved it.

11:00 PM me: LMAOOO me: I’m home now it’s like 11 David: What lol. David: I know, I know David: Why you laugh. me: idk me: whats up David: Laying in bed being lazy David: Hbu Piper

Fuck. Right in the feels. So much nostalgia. Piper’s the daughter of Aphrodite in the series that we love, he used to call me Piper, and I told him if I’m Piper then he’s the Jason to my Piper. (Jason’s the love interest of Piper in the books)

me: I just finished watching a movie me: and it was greatttt I loved it David: What movie? David: *sends a cute selfie* David: Lol look @ me

okay so I totally forgot that he asked a question cause a cute fucking selfie just popped in my screen.

me: you look different David: Do I? David: How so?? David: Bad huh David: Thanks I’m ugly ik me: yeah idk me: you look happy me: no wdym ugly David: I am ugly David: You making fun of me lol David: Thanks me: wtf you’re not ugly shut up me: what time is it there me: and where are you David: I’m in kentucky US David: And it is 0912 there!

Idk that’s probably how they read time in the army

David: Girl you’re obsessed David: Lmao jkjk me: ruuude David: No me: Kentucky though me: KFC David: I like you dw

okay... fuck... that was sudden. I mean, good job! That’s a great way to make me even more confused about what’s happening here!

me: ha David: Yes lmao! David: It’s not that good David: I figured it would be the best here David: But it’s the same as everywhere else me: really? me: that’s sad David: It’s nothing special David: Send me a selfie? me: I dont have a selfie me: jk David: Send me one David: Now David: I order you me: dude me: chill David: Lol nope I wanna seee youuuu me: I’m still looking for something decent David: Send them all David: Right meow me: *sends a selfie* me: tada me: I like that one lmao me: hoe filter me: I got more pimples me: smhhhh me: *sends another selfie* me: and one time my hair became like this hahah David: Fucking cute David: Is that overalls lol me: yes hahah

Then he left me on read. But because I’m a creepy-ass stalker that knows his facebook account, I saw his post that he shared. The post said, “I like clingy. I’d rather have someone who blows up my phone and shows they care than someone who texts back 12 hours later” So I messaged him this morning. I didn’t care if I double texted. 

me: dude me: when are you free David: Not tonight, I don’t think me: aw but when David: Idk I’m with jocelyn rn

Who’s Jocelyn???

me: ohh okay me: tell me when you’re available David: Okay

So that was it. I notice that I keep on using the word ‘dude’. Idk what to call him?? Maybe I’ll refer to him as Jason soon. Back to his facebook though, he also shared a post that said, “I blocked my ex on everything but she somehow managed to message me through direct tv *a pic of that*”.. Well.. Was that me? Lol. I dont know!! Someone commented though, “Man, if she goes through that much trouble to try to talk to you I would have to give her a second chance haha” then he replied, “that’s true hahah” UGH ITS JUST SO CONFUSING. So that’s all I have to say about him.

Now I’m here typing this blog. I don’t know, I just wanna talk to him, on the phone. Maybe that’d clear things up, but for now, I never think about our future. I don’t wanna think about the next step, cause when it doesn’t happen, I’m just gonna be twice disappointed. 

This was really a long first blogpost. See ya next time. 

Love, Ash