#which I’ve slowly been adding to for like 5 years

[manynarrators]

//How does anyone post fics once a week??? I am so impatient! I just want to post it now!!!

Me: I shall post on Friday!

Me (on the Monday after I post): surely it’s gotta be almost time right???

Me, le gasp: how little time has gone by!

Something else that adequately sums up my relationship to wtnv fic.

Me: Finally! I am finishing the fics I’ve had in my drafts for years! I have no more ideas! I’ll be free!

New ideas: abooooouuuut that…

Me:

[babygirl-riley]

Welcome Home

You surprise Simon at the base instead of being at home. You also think about how far he has come to acceptance.

Warnings: mentions of sexual acts, fluff, dad!simon, angst, pregnancy

“I’ve fallen for it, I’ve fallen for it somehow.”

A/N: THE PART TWO DAD!SIMON FROM @ave661 IS KILLLINGGGG ME! Seriously chokehold she has me in ALL the time with her art. 😭

simon x reader guide

simon x reader family edition

You called Price beforehand, asked him if it was alright to surprise Simon. You wanted to show up at the base with your baby girl waiting for him. Like you always do. Thankfully and full heartedly he agreed, he even added that he is excited to see his niece. On the way to the base you felt excitement as you played music for both you and your baby.

Your baby gabbles as she plays with hanging baby toys on her car seat. Simon has been gone for a month, it has been so long and you were so excited. He missed having her first tooth, which he will be so excited to see.

Once you got you and your child out of the car you headed to the inside of the base. “141 will be landing in 5 minutes ma’am.” A man said guiding you to the tarmac. “Captain Price said to meet them there.”

You followed the solider to the direction of the tarmac. You knew very well where it was at, a year ago you were on the team for 141 but decided to retire once you found out you were pregnant. Memories littered the hallways as you held your baby close.

“No.” He mumbled as you both stood in your room. He didn’t move for a moment, you thought he was going to leave and not come back for hours. Simon doesn’t do well with emotions but the last couple of months, he has been able to open up more. Now this. You didn’t know how he was going to react let alone what he was going to do.

It was clear, two lines, one word, 6 tests. You and Simon have been in secret for 2 years, established a relationship in a year. You played with your hands as nerves started to kick in. “I thought you were on birth control.” Simon said looking up at you, his eyes only to be shown. The skull mask looking at you.

“I am.” You said your heart slowly hurting, you knew that he never wanted a kid. You knew of his past so this was a joke for the both of you. It was frowned upon when a lieutenant would be sleeping with their sergeant. Hell damn near court marshaled.

Simon looked back down at the tests. He can’t. He won’t. His mind racing a million miles an hour. How could he explain this one to Price? How could you hide a belly on the force? Is there a way for it to be a secret anymore? He cursed himself for loving the fact that he could breed you. It was a new found kink, with him thinking of his cum coating your walls. Simon never broadcast it to you. Telling you that seeing a belly got him feral, thinking about how your body would react to his gift. But…It’s just…is it too soon? Was he ready? Surely he couldn’t be.

“I can get…”

“No,” He cut you off before looking up at you. “This…Not that. ‘M,” his voice trailed. No abortion, he won’t put your body through hell just because both of you didn’t want to wrap it. “I just-I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t either,” You whispered walking slowly up to him. “But we can figure this out?”

Simon nodded once still looking at the tests. You waited as he stood there and sighed. “We have to tell Price now.”

“Here is the tarmac,” The solider said breaking you from your thoughts. “It looks like they have just landed.”

You mumbled a thank you as soldiers came out one by one from the plane. All covered in dirt or blood, tired written on their faces. You frowned knowing that Simon felt the same, it couldn’t have gone the way it suppose to.

You smiled as you walked out watching Gaz come out first, happy surprise on his face. He looked to the side of him to see Soap, who smiled at you nodded. Price smiled, heading towards the direction you were before stopping. Simon, walked out last, almost stopped in his tracks.

Smile beaming on his face underneath the skull mask. His girls. He be-lined to you and your baby girl. His heart beating quickly, as excitement coursed through his veins.

Price stood as both of his teammates broke the news. He had his suspicions of them fucking around but not together. He itches his beard as your tears start to mellow out. Simon was not looking at him but folding his arms while leaning against the wall.

It was like two of his kids came home after school to get hounded at. It was amusing if Price wasn’t angry. Yes. He was at first, his lieutenant and his best sniper in a bit of a bind. She has to be discharged no way will Price NOR Simon let her go out in the field. Especially since they voiced they are keeping the kid.

“We keep it low,” Price finally spoke watched as both of you looked up. “We have to slowly discharge you, not try to have eyes on the situation until then. No missions for you.”

You nodded, first time every has he seen you so shy. Timid. Usually you had confidence written all over you. “Yes sir.” You mumbled looking away.

Price looked at Simon. “I want to have a discussion with you,” He looked at you as you stared at him. You both are young, younger than him anyway. He seen how Simon’s demeanor changed throughout the years when you came on the force. Of course no one else saw it, but Price did. He always knew. “Dismissed Sargent.”

Your baby squealed with delight as she bounced in your arms. “Da! Da!” She yelled as Simon walked over, having heads turn to see the little baby showed her excitement. Simon did take note that she knew who he was and in fact used ‘dada.’

Simon almost damn near sprinted as he walked up to both of you. You let him take your baby as he grabbed her, she screamed laughed, as he rose her to the air. Holding her sides gently but firm. She is so tiny compared to him, she kicked her feet softly in the air, laughing her little head off. Simon loves that sound, the sound of pure joy coming from her. To the point he didn’t give a damn who was around them. Simon was never a shower when it came to his private life, but when she was around wow, he would make sure everyone knew who she was.

Simon sat across the table from you, your bump more noticeable, 6 months to be exact. He still couldn’t believe that what was growing inside you was his. Part of him. Something that he would have never thought would be done. Or have. You have become more aware and accepting of having the child. Yet he still hasn’t.

“I know it will take time Si,” You said knowing always what he was thinking. Simon snapped his eyes up at you, he felt guilt for sure. You were just honorable discharged and he stayed in the force. “I can’t make you feel happy about this. But…But I know eventually you will.”

He didn’t believe you until one night he laid between your legs as you rubbed the back of his head. Simon chuckled lightly at the tv show you were both watching right when it happened,felt a small poke to his head, he froze, you felt him tense. “What…what that?”

You giggled lowly as you rubbed your belly. “It’s the baby,” He still didn’t move when he felt it again. “She moves a lot when you make any sort of noise.” Simon rose slightly, looking up at you, curiously. You grabbed his hand and placed it where she was. His eyes trained on his hand. “Say something.” You whispered.

Simon looked at you unsure before clearing his throat. “Uh, hello baby girl.” It took a second before he felt the bump move to his hand. A soft graze. He snapped his eyes up at you and tears brimming your eyes, nodding. Encouraging him to continue. Simon’s eyes started to water, everything hitting, even when she isn’t out here she was wanting him. Knowing that he is her dad. And she was his baby.

His hand rubbed your belly. “‘Ight ass kicker. I’m happy to hear ya too.”

“Hello my angels,” He said as slowly held her close to him. Her head cradled inside of his neck. Her hands gripping his uniform. He placed a hand on the back of her hand holding her close. You smiled as he placed his other gloved hand on your cheek. “Why ya ‘ere?”

“I couldn’t wait at home,” You stated as people passed the both of you. “She couldn’t either,” you bumped your shoulder against his. “Told you it was dada.” You teased talking about the last time you both were on the phone. Her screaming ‘da da da,’ knowing damn well it was her daddy on the phone. Simon would tease and say that she got your intelligence since she was only 5 months.

Simon chuckled rolling his eyes, turning his head as she rose from his shoulder. She started towards his skull mask gripping the bottom of it. “Not yet sweethear,’” he whispered gently grabbing her hands. “We are gonna debrief it shouldn’t take too long.”

“Lass,” You laughed as the scottish came up from behind Simon. Slapping his back. “Oh well hello little miss.” He scratched softly underneath her chin. She laughed again shaking her head as she clung onto her dad. “Yer playing hard to get now?” He teased and looked at you.

“Hey Johnny,” You laughed reaching for your baby. She came to you with ease, which you mentally sighed in relief, hoping that she wouldn’t ball her little eyes out when she watched her dad leave. “We will wait on the cafeteria.”

Simon placed his forehead against yours. “It will be quick.” He whispered.

You nodded as you watched them all file into the base. Your baby holding onto you cooing. “Why don’t you ever get that excited to see me,” You playfully glared poking her stomach. She giggled swatting your finger away. “Brat.” You laughed taking her and you to the cafeteria.

[owliellder]

Two's A Crowd

College Bully! Leon Kennedy x fem! Reader

MDNI 18+

(Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5)

Description: College is proving to be a lot harder than you imagined. You cannot fail this math class. So when you've tried everything else, a well-known student is recommended to you by your professor for tutoring lessons, not really leaving you with much of a choice but to work with him.

Warnings: Not proofread, No Use of Y/N, Dub-Con, Unprotected Sex, Bullying, Yelling, Cursing

Tags: College AU, Bully! Leon, Shy! Reader, both are in their early 20's, Leon is Rude AF in the beginning, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, Fingering, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Additional Tags to be Added

Author's Note: Forgiveness is requested but not expected. Downhill we go!!

Cross-posted onto AO3

Chapter 3:

Over time, you grew less and less worried with Leon’s nice behavior. Your math grade has gone up significantly, surpassing a low C which is a passing grade, but since the tutor sessions have become much more bearable, you haven’t felt the need to stop going. Besides, you have an A streak to fulfill.

Your friends stayed suspicious about the frat boy’s intentions, however. The way you’d become so unbothered with everything relating to him had them stressed, yet at the end of the day, “no asshole can hold up a facade like that for this long”, as per Sky’s words.

Easygoing is the best way to describe Leon at this point. A gentle soul, from what you can tell. He goes out of his way to hold the door for you, share his food with you whenever he brings it, and he even gets excited with you whenever you get an A on any of your assignments or tests. It makes you happy that you held out for him.

“And that makes sense to you?” Leon was standing next to you, leaned over with both his hands on the table. You were both in the study room, only this time you had finished everything math related. Thanksgiving break had come and gone so everything had shifted towards the finals before Winter break, meaning now you were using the space to go over the study guide for the final given by one of your other professors, though it would’ve been nice to have your math study guide to burn into your brain since it’s your biggest struggle.

“Yeah, this is easy for me,” you mutter, hand against your mouth as your eyes move back and forth across the packet of information in front of you. Having Leon leaning over you had been commonplace since mid-November. He turned out to be very nosey. “Shouldn’t you be focusing on your own classes?”

You didn’t need to look at him to know he was extremely confused by your study guide. “Uhh.. nah,” he stood upright and slowly made his way around the table, sitting down in front of you with a small groan as he relaxed into the seat. “I’ve made it through the past couple years here without ‘em. No need for ‘em now.” You nodded to the side at his, bringing the pen you were holding up to your mouth to nibble on the end of it. “Makes sense…”

It took awhile before you noticed his nervous fidgeting, looking up from your study guide to give him a worried look. “Are you bored? I can finish up in my dorm if you-”

“Do you want to get dinner with me tonight?” He cut you off, his eyes meeting yours before the room fell silent. The question was so sudden and you weren’t expecting anything like it, so it just had you confused. You must’ve looked it, too, since he moved his eyes away from yours while crossing his arms. “I mean-.. Y’know, figured I’d ask..”

Seeing him get nervous was always pretty cute to you, such a handsome guy getting worked up over you never failed to flatter you. “Oh, yeah! I’d like that, actually..” You giggled when Leon looked back at you, soon grabbing your few supplies to put back into your backpack. 

Relief spread across his face, moving to stand as you collected your items. “Good, okay, uh.. How’s Olive Garden sound?” To the average college student, Olive Garden was some high class fine dining. Anyone would be a fool to say no to an offer like that.

Just like your friend told you not to do, the absolute biggest no-no when it came to these types of college guys, you let Leon get even closer. It was just dinner in the beginning, but you started seeing him outside of study sessions afterwards with him going out of his way to seek you out and hang out with you and you the same. “Just going out to dinner” turned into dates real fast, faster than you even had time to process. 

You’ve almost completely forgotten about just how nasty he was towards you not three months prior with how he doted on you. Leading up to finals week, Leon made sure to bring you food after noticing your long study habits. He wouldn’t even give you a choice, just a simple “whaddya feeling tonight?” over text. He’d hang out in your dorm with you while you ate, much to your roommates dismay, and sometimes he’d just show up for no reason other than to see you. You’d blush and shy away from his flirting, he’d tease you, and you’d get mad at him for distracting you in a playful way. Even if you wanted to be actually mad at him, you couldn’t, not with that cheeky little grin he’d give you.

You never questioned his nosiness as he familiarized himself with your dorm, rummaging through your drawers as you whined at him from the bed to stay out of your stuff. Honestly, you’d probably look through his stuff too if you had the chance.

Having a boyfriend during your first year of college wasn’t exactly a goal, and you don’t know if this is even a relationship or not, but you weren’t complaining. It was so nice having someone care about you like this, especially when it’s someone who’s, to you, way out of your league in almost every sense. Though he wasn’t the most outgoing, he was very well known, and being seen with him meant the attention he received was spilling onto you. Hell, you didn’t even know he played football until he passed by you with his friends, all in their football get-ups. He never bragged about any practices or games to you, maybe you should’ve asked about the various bruises and scuffs he’d show up to the study sessions with. Oh well.

Every night during finals week, Leon would take you out for dinner under the guise of “destressing from the long day”, not that you minded, of course. You were growing increasingly anxious about your last final, the big one; math. The two of you were sitting in his black Jeep Wrangler as it idled out in the parking lot of McDonald’s, snacking on what was left of your meal in a comfortable silence. The combination of the heater blowing on you and the food in your stomach was settling you, if only a little.

Leon kept his eyes on you the entire time, hand rubbing soothingly up and down your thigh. His hand was so warm. “You’ll pass, I know you will.” His soft touch barely had you cracking a smile, looking through the windshield as large snowflakes quietly fell, lit up by the streetlights surrounding the parking lot and by the headlights on his car. The snow had accumulated an inch on the ground already, the sun having set nearly two hours prior. Winter and its short days, a blessing and a curse. “I don’t know..” You could feel his eyes on you, yet yours were stuck staring out at the falling snow. “My nerves always get me. I’m gonna make the stupidest mistakes and then once the final grades are in my parents’ll wanna see and then I’ll be surrounded be disappointment and shame and guilt.”

You closed your eyes and slumped your shoulders when you felt Leon squeeze your thigh, finally able to turn and look back at him. “You know that’s not how it’s gonna go.” He let out a breathy laugh when you raised an eyebrow. “Oh come on, you’ve got it down! Plus, you had an amazing tutor~..”

With a dramatic groan, you rolled your eyes as he wiggled his eyebrows at you, unable to hide your smile. “I guess, but you weren’t that amazing..”

Leon moved his free hand and brought it up to his chest, holding it there with a strong pout to feign hurt. “You wound me.. Was I nothing to you?” His smile quickly returned when you clicked your tongue at him, chuckling through his nose. “Seriously though, I’ve never met anyone as smart as you are. You learned how to do that kind of stuff incredibly fast, so I don’t have a single doubt in my mind that you won’t demolish that final.” His compliments always left you blushing and at a loss for words, playfulness giving way to a more heavy air. “Thank you, Leon. Really, thank you...” 

You were too wrapped up in watching the snow fall through the windshield to notice when his hand pulled away from your thigh, or just how guilty he looked as he silently watched you.

The math final was easier than you were expecting. You understood basically everything that had been put on it minus a couple things that you scolded yourself for not brushing up on last minute. Grades weren’t put in until a week or more after the finals were turned in, yet you were confident enough in how it went to feel good leaving that room afterwards. 

This first semester had really tested your limits, but you were lucky to have your friends, lucky to have Leon. It didn’t feel strange having him around anymore, it felt natural, real. There weren’t enough ways to thank him for all that he did between tutoring you and taking care of you overall. 

You yelped with laughter as Sky picked you up, their arms around your midriff, waving you side to side as they yelled how proud they were of you. Ella only stood by and laughed along, making sure to take a picture of the moment as keepsakes. “Guys, I don’t even know if I passed yet!” You pushed away from Sky and they placed you back down on the ground, smoothing out your shirt which had you swatting their hands away.

“But! You survived and that’s always cause for celebration.” Ella pocketed her phone and took a couple steps forward so you were all standing in a small circle now. “You really pulled through these last few months.”

Thanks to Leon. “I did, huh?” You looked down with a bashful smile, shrugging before pulling the strap on your backpack further up so it wouldn’t slip off your shoulder. “You know,” Sky started, resting their elbow on your other shoulder while pursing their lips as they slowly turned their head to look at you, “you’re not very good at hiding your love for Leon..” 

You weren’t trying to hide it, it's just that even the vaguest thought about the man had you flustered and stumbling over your words like a fool. All you could do now was glare at your friend, who just raised their hands up in defense. “Hey now, not poking fun, just making an observation.”

Ella placed her entire hand over Sky’s face and pushed them away from you, ignoring their muffled complaints as she looked at you. “We’ll always be suspicious because we’re your friends and we care about you, but as long as you’re careful, we’ll keep our distance.”

Sky pulled Ella’s hand off their face, making gross-out noises while wiping their face off. “Blegh, anyways, yeah. Keeping our distance, but still watching from afar.” They pointed their index and middle finger from their eyes to yours before smiling.

You hung around in their dorm as Ella finished packing up her suitcase. She’s had her plane ticket back home booked for a month, constantly expressing her need to leave as soon as finals were finished during that time. Sky was leaving the same day you were, which was in two days since you both drove or were driven here. Leon stayed at his frat house all school year, so you were thankful to have two people sticking around so you weren’t left all alone.

Unfortunately, this meant you had your own packing to do. Thankfully though, your roommate had already left, sparing you from their menial chit-chat. Packing was almost cathartic in a weird way, almost as if you saw going home as a reward for working yourself to the bone at this university. Quiet music was playing from your phone as you gathered the essentials, you’d be coming back in three weeks so there wasn’t any need to pack up everything.

A gentle knock knock knock at your dorm’s door startled you from your thoughts, causing you to blink a few times to make sure it wasn’t just coming from the song that was playing. Slowly, you made your way over to the door, and before you’d even opened it fully, Leon slipped his way through, side stepping into the room with a cheeky smile. 

You scoffed as you watched him weasel his way in, hand stuttering away from the door handle to allow the heavy door to shut. “You could’ve waited until I opened the door all the way.” 

“I knocked, though.” Mischief was evident in his tone as his eyes landed on the suitcase sitting on your bed. “Getting ready to leave?”

“Not for another couple days. Just.. wanna be ready.” You walked past him over to your suitcase, continuing to fold the last few pieces of clothing you wanted to bring back home. “Perfect, got some extra time to spend with you then.” Leon chuckled, now standing next to you to watch you get back into rhythm.

Having him admit that so casually had you nervous, cheeks heating up as you glanced over at him. “Wouldn’t you rather hang out with your friends?” The eyebrow raise he gave you made you stumble as you tried to elaborate. ��N-not that I don’t want to hang out with you! I just feel like you’d have more fun celebrating the end of the semester outside of a stuffy dorm.” You tried to laugh away the embarrassment, moving your focus back to the suitcase as you zipped it up.

“I can celebrate with those slobs any time, but for right now, I would really like to be around you.” Leon carefully lifted your suitcase off the bed, placing it near the door for you. “You’re nice and quiet. They’re not.” You sighed after lifting yourself up onto your bed, sitting criss-cross right in the middle while meekly smiling to yourself, watching him walk back over to stand in front of you.

“By the way,” he said, turning his head to look out your window for a split second before looking back down at you, “I haven’t had the chance to tell you how proud I am of you for coming out of that math final. I know results take awhile, but you seem pretty pleased with yourself.” He crossed his arms and bent forward a bit with a teasing smirk as he not-so-subtly looked you up and down.

You covered your face with your hands and laughed into them, a poor attempt to hide your ever increasing blush. After letting your hands fall away, you bunched the end of your hoodie up in them, fiddling with the thick fabric as you replied. “Yeah, uh.. I think I did alright.” You were going to say more, but you stopped when Leon’s hand found its way under your chin, tilting your head back so you were looking at him. “C’mon, don’t downplay this, baby. You did amazing and you know it.”

Your mind went blank at the pet name and you were finding it hard to breathe with the way his hand felt under your chin. The air in your dorm was a tad tense before, yet now it just felt heavy. Stifling. All you could do was stare up at him with wide eyes, eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly as you tried to think of something, anything to say.

“Did I catch you off guard?” He said with a breathy laugh, gently tilting your head side to side as he studied you. And you let him. Your mouth felt dry, face hot as he leaned in closer. “You’re so beautiful..” His voice dropped an octave and his eyes were lidded as they stared into yours. “So smart, so brave..” Soon his lips were brushing against yours, whispering out a final “So perfect..” before pulling you into a gentle kiss.

It didn’t take long for you to relax into the kiss, eyes fluttering shut as you tried to mimic Leon’s movements. His hands cautiously slid down to grasp at your waist while yours moved up to cup his face, pulling him closer. He slowly crawled onto the bed with you tugging him along, leaving you laying down as he hovered over the top of you, knees planted on either side of your legs while one of his arms moved up to support himself. 

He was doing his best to be careful with you, noting your nervous tremble as his right hand slid under your hoodie. “M’gonna take care of you, ‘kay?” He hummed against your sensitive skin, kissing along the underside of your jawline. You only nodded as his lips trailed down your neck, stopping when your hoodie got in his way of the rest of you. “Need you to say ‘okay’ f’me, baby.”

Nearly whining when he stopped, you nodded again a bit more vigorously this time, voice barely a whisper. “O-..Okay..” You propped yourself up slightly when Leon pulled his head away from your neck, his eyes meeting yours as both his hands were now playing with the end of your hoodie. “Y-Yeah, okay…” You repeated.

First it was your hoodie, then it was his jacket, and before you knew it, he had you in his arms, chest pressed against yours as he reached around to unclasp the hooks on your bra. You immediately brought your arms up to cover your breasts once Leon leaned back after pulling your bra off, self-consciousness suddenly settling in. “Hey hey, no need to hide from me..” He cooed, eyes raking down your body as he grabbed your hands to pull your arms away, thumbs rubbing circles onto the tops of your hands as he stared with a crooked smile. 

You took the opportunity to take in his form; muscular, a couple old scars and freckles standing out to you. He was gorgeous, through and through, no doubt about it. He took notice, craning his neck to look down at his exposed chest before looking back up at you. “Looks good, huh?” That got a small giggle out of you, at least.

He slowly guided you back down onto the bed, his hands firmly rubbing up and down your sides. “You look even better, though. Layin’ pretty beneath me~..” His right hand found its way to your panties, running his fingers along the band before trailing further down to press his middle finger against the gusset. You gasped at the feeling while he laughed quietly, leaning back a bit further to catch a glimpse of the wet spot he was feeling. “You’re soaked.. Lil’ bit of touching got you all worked up?”

Your hands flew up to hide your face again as he rubbed his finger up and down your clothed pussy, letting out small gasps and whimpers all the while. You shakily nodded, subconsciously spreading your legs further apart as he slotted himself between them. 

“Tell me something, babe.” Leon paused his movements to look up at you, huffing a chuckle through his nose when he noticed you’d covered your face. “You seem real nervous, so I’m jus’ wonderin’...” Dread settled in your stomach at his implication, you were hoping he wouldn’t ask this. “Yes..” You whispered, parting your fingers over your right eye so you could look at him. “Don’t make me say it, please…”

He hummed low in his chest, eyes darkening as they moved back down to your panties. “Juuust wonderin', is all..” His finger started to caress you over your panties again while adding a bit more pressure. “There’s no shame in being a virgin. Only means I gotta make this extra special for you~.” You moved your hands to shoot him a weak glare and he smiled in return. “Didn’t say I couldn’t say it.”

Once he felt your tremble start to dissipate, he brought his hands up and hooked his fingers on the band of your panties before slowly tugging them off, letting out a low groan as a string of slick stayed connected to the gusset from your leaking pussy. “Fuck, that’s hot..” He breathed in sharply through his teeth, taking your panties into one hand before grabbing his hoodie, stuffing them into the large pocket in the front.

Leon didn’t waste any time putting himself back between your legs, languidly dragging his middle finger up and down through your folds. He relished in your every noise, even as you tried to hold them in. “You ever finger yourself before?” He asked, voice gravelly as he repeatedly pulled his finger back to watch your slick cling to it by a string. 

“... no..” Your innocence had him groaning to himself again. He could ignore the guilt eating away at him long enough to handle you the way you needed to be handled. “Let’s give it a try then, yeah?” He hunched over some more so his face was hovering above yours, middle finger now gently circling your clenching hole.

“P-Please be careful..” You whimpered, slightly panicked at the feeling of his finger nudging your entrance, one of your hands grasping the bed sheets while the other held onto his bicep that was closest to you.  “I’ll be so careful, baby.. I promise I’ll be careful.”

And he was. What would’ve normally been a relatively quick process turned into ten minutes of Leon tenderly stretching you on his fingers. He studied your face the entire time, whispering sweet words into your ear, even letting out deep moans to encourage your own timid ones. You needed the time. There's no rush.

He moved down to pair his fingers with his mouth, tongue running through your wet folds as his fingers stroked your walls. The noises you let out when he sucked on your clit were intoxicating. You were intoxicating.

Once Leon pulled his mouth and fingers away from you, you knew what was coming. And when he paused for a moment after standing up, hands hooked in his boxers, eyebrows tightly furrowed together in thought, that only served to make you more nervous.

“..Leon?” You managed to say, propping yourself up on your elbows as you watched his shake himself out of his head. “Yeah, sorry, just… thinking about the best way to go about this. Don’t wanna scare you.”

“You-... I’m not gonna be scared..” You looked from his face down to his boxers, eyeballing where his fingers were still hooked in them. He just clicked his tongue, nodding his head to the side with a soft “if you say so”. 

As much as you didn’t want to admit it, you were scared. There wasn’t much frame of reference, but Leon was… sizeable, for lack of a better term. And it wasn’t just his size that was intimidating to you, it was the idea of sex itself. Sex has always been made out to be this big grandiose milestone by everyone around you, so now that you’re about to actually do it is giving you the same sinking feeling that public speaking does. 

“You’re scared.” Leon had pulled his boxers all the way down without you noticing, letting them lay abandoned on the floor as he took the small step back towards you. “No.” You were quick to object, eyes still glued to his dick. He chuckled and tilted your head back by your chin once more. “Yes, you are, and it’s okay. I’m not gonna kill you with it.”

“You might…” You muttered under your breath, eyes lowly making their way back down to his dick as he got back up onto the bed and in between your legs. “I promised you I’d be careful, right?” Leon grunted, his hand squeezing the base of his cock before giving it a few slow strokes. 

You swallowed dryly, pulling your eyes away and back up to meet his. “Yeah…” He nodded, giving you a wobbly smile as he teased his thumb across his tip. “Right. So don’t worry, I’ve gotcha..”

You only nodded, doing your best to keep your eyes up and focused on his face as he lubed himself with your juices. Your eyes widened once you felt him line himself up with your hole, body jerking a bit at the slight pressure.

“You gotta relax, sweetheart..” He used his freehand to stroke your thigh before pulling your right up over his shoulder, hand moving back down so his thumb could rub your clit. “Just breathe and focus on what my hand’s doin’, alright?”

The two of you were lucky that a lot the people in your dorm building left already, cause when his tip finally pushed past that ring of muscle, you let out an embarrassingly loud yelp. It hurt, but it was also such a new feeling that it simply startled you. “Okay, okay, that’s the hardest part. You did it.” You panted, hands tugging at the blankets beneath you as he stilled. “Okay…” You copied him, nodding your head once you felt you were ready for him to move.

The sting of the stretch was the hardest to get by, however it was easily masked by just how full you felt after Leon was fully sheathed inside you. So new, yet so good. 

You let out a shaky sigh, eyes closing as you rested back against the bed. Your heart was beating and your body felt hot. It was actually a nice feeling. “You- ugh.. You can move.. a little..” You breathed out, grunting softly when you felt him twitch.

“Mhm..” Leon agreed with only a hum, not trusting his mouth enough to speak. He pulled back an inch before thrusting just as slowly,  eyes darting around your face for any sign of discomfort. A minute or so of taking it slow led to deeper thrusts, following your command as you asked for “harder”, “deeper”, “faster”. All with that sweet voice that he couldn’t say no to.

You were eating away at him and you didn’t even know it; wrapped around him so perfectly, that delicious honey of yours dripping down his balls, moaning his name, looking at him with those glassy eyes, fuck. He fits you so well.

He kept his eyes closed, unable to look at you any longer. Ignoring the guilt was harder than he thought, even with him thrusting into you like he owned you. You weren’t his, he can't have you the way you want him to-

“Shit-!” He gasped, too lost in his own thoughts to notice you’d grown close until you abruptly clenched around him, sloppy cunt milking his cock. His thrusts stuttered to a stop as he buried himself deep into you, cumming with a whine of his own. Looking at the wall with bleary eyes, he furrowed his brow again, chewing on the inside of his cheek while he caught his breath.

Clarity crashed into him when you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down into a weak hug. He needed to go, but how could he leave you like this? God, he was so fucked.

He should’ve just stayed an asshole, that would’ve kept you far away. And he should’ve never taken that stupid bet. All this for a pair of panties to wave around like a trophy.

tags:

@kayotee4 @k-fallingstar @bobastayhigh @mi-zer-y @chasingkennedy @l30nva @espressonerd @jjouki @5tarx @bunnybreadloaves @whoisgami @cyanscribe @c4b3r1a @darichvep @mmmangel @kingtacocat @klee-iii @baby--vera @dakiniii @kenma-izhu @aliidarling @leonsmamacita @deadghxsty @nekoheist @dumbassmortal @cassiecasluciluce @iovewilliams @maeplayscello @deddiemunsonsblog @paranoid-but-android @mariesmain @tteokhwaa @bonnibuckets @eilonwykennedy @1dk-anym0r3 @papatyacikcik

(few of your blogs won't work, but i really tried 😩)

[the-sound-of-her-wings]

hi! can i please request a kaz brekker x reader fic based off of episode 5 of season 2 (despise your heart)? when kaz panics in the market reader finds him and takes him somehwere safe and gives him his gloves, and in that moment kaz kinda of realizes how he feels about the reader. and then the poison fog the reader hallucinates about kaz and him finally making physical contact and giving her love and she thinks it’s real until someone shoves the antidote in her mouth, once she regains consciousness she rushes over to help kaz and kaz sees her pulling him out of the water and the readers just sitting there holding his face and anything else you wanna add !

if it’s a little complicated i understand, thank you have a great day :))

You were always in plain sight

❀ Word Count: 2,145 ❀ CW: Panic Attack, Discussions of Trauma, Pining, Admissions ❀ A/N: Added a few more scenes than requested. I hope you enjoy!

He’s going to panic, you think to yourself. 

In fact, his body was already panicking, even if he wasn’t. Nina is too focused on the target's heart rate to notice, but Kaz’s heart rate has been slowly increasing ever since he took off the gloves.

You watch as the woman they were meeting with gets up, and Kaz goes to follow. Unfortunately, another woman immediately runs into him, spilling tea all over the front of him, and definitely accidentally touching him.

“Give me his gloves,” You whisper to Inej.

She hands them over silently. You put on your own set of gloves, a pair you keep on you in the event something like this happens. 

Nina places her hand on top of Kaz’ and you watch the life drain from his face. And then he’s running.

“You follow the target. I’ve got him.” You say. 

It doesn’t take you long to catch up to him, but by then he’s already completely disassociated and in complete panic. You take him by the arm, leading him to an empty alley, careful only to touch the clothed parts of his arm. Even with your hands in gloves, you are worried any kind of touch to his exposed hands will send him spiraling further. 

He collapses to the ground in an unceremonious heap. 

“You were supposed to follow her,” He says.

“Inej has it covered.” You reply, sitting down on the opposite side of the alley, a decent distance from him.  

There’s a moment of silence before you add, “Someone had to follow you. You can’t be by yourself when your…” And you don’t know how to finish the sentence. Traumatized? Panicking? Having a PTSD flashback to an event you refuse to discuss with anyone? “...like this.” 

It pains you to see him so deep in his own pain, so desperate to keep other people out of it. To keep you out of it. You place his gloves close to him, but far enough away that it doesn’t look like you’re trying to touch him.

He notices your gloves, “When did you-?”

“A while ago. There just in case-” And you cut yourself off with a sigh. In case this happened. “Do you want me to stay?”

Yes? Kaz thinks, but he’s still panicking too much to say anything. In fact, the thought sends him into even more of a panic, because he’s not ever had a thought like that before. 

“I’ll be on the other side of the alley. We’ll regroup once you’ve had a chance to calm down.” You say, leaving him to decompress.

XXXXX

“Nina wants an explanation,” Inej tells you as you watch over Kaz from a distance. He’s finally come out of the worst of it and is now trying to act like nothing happened. It’s a behavior that you simply have never gotten used to, despite years by his side. 

“Then tell her the truth.” You say.

“Which is?” Inej asks. She sometimes thinks you know more than she does, but that’s not really true. You both know exactly the same thing about Kaz- which is that Pekka Rollins killed his brother and that he absolutely cannot stand another person’s touch. 

“He had a panic attack.” You reply. “She’s not going to tell the others, is she?” 

“No. But I think Jesper should know. He hates it when we leave him out of the loop.” Inej states. 

“I think I’m going to try to talk to him this time. See what else is going on.” You say, watching as Kaz sits down, clearly deep in thought. 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” 

“I didn’t think you’d be happy about that idea.” You say, cleaning the dirt from under your nails.

“He will open up when he’s ready.” Inej tries to reassure you.

“We both know he’d never be that vulnerable.”

“Then why ask?” She asks.

So I know how to fix it. 

“Let’s just get this over with, shall we? The world isn’t going to save itself.” You state, heading towards Kaz and the rest of the group to figure out the plan. Maybe you’ll ask him once all of this over.

XXXXX

“We should talk about what happened in the market.” You say, sitting on his desk. 

“Must we?” Kaz replies, lowering the newspaper he had been reading to meet your gaze.

“Yes.”

He set the paper aside, making his way over to you. He towers over you in a way he’s never done before, closer than he’s ever been. “What do you want to know?” 

“I want to know what happened.” 

“You saw what happened,” He says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“I want to know why, Kaz.” You respond. 

“Why?” He retorts. Is he flirting with you or just trying to get under your skin?

“I want to fix it. Or prevent it or- I don’t know! I just. I never want to see you like that again. I don’t want to see you suffer.” 

“It won’t happen again,” He reassures you, a gloved hand coming up to caress your face. You block it with the back of your forearm.

“Won’t it? Jesper told me what happened when you got thrown in that cart together. I watched as you tried not to panic while helping Inej clean her wounds. Do you think I can’t sense your heart rate when people get too close to you? That I don’t know exactly how your body reacts? Who hurt you so badly that you can’t even be physically near another person without wanting to vomit?” You ramble, letting out all of the questions and feelings you’ve been holding inside for all of these years.

“Pekka Rollins” He replies, the answer he gave you before. It’s always been the answer, and in some ways, it really is the truth. 

“Kaz… I just want you to let me in. You carry so much inside of you that you let nobody see. But I want to see it… I want to understand.” You say, and you want to reach out and hug him but you know he can’t receive that kind of affection. 

But then he does something you aren’t excepting. Slowly, he begins to remove his gloves. He sets them on the fireplace, one by one. One of his ungloved hands traces its way up the side of your neck and rests on your cheek. You gasp at his touch. 

And then you are staring into each other’s eyes, into each other’s souls. Like you’ve always seen each other- like you’ve always known. Kaz plays his cards close to his chest, but you don’t. Nina has teased you for it relentlessly.

When he kisses you, you can’t believe this is happening. It’s perfect. These are things he would only do in dreams. These are things he would only say in dreams. These are…

“This is a dream,” Kaz tells you, or rather, the Kaz of your imagination tells you as he ends the kiss.

“I know” You reply, opening your eyes.

You see Inej hunched over you and taste something disgusting in your mouth. 

“We were poisoned. Go to the door- Wylan will give you another antidote.” She says before leaving to go wake up Jesper.

You crawl your way to the door, still feeling the lingering effects of the poison. “Wylan. Antidote?” You croak.

Once you are given the butterfly, you make your way over to Kaz, the only person still under the effects of the poison. 

XXXXX

Kaz is confused. He wakes up, back on that mountain of bodies in the river, but his brother is alive.

“Jordie?” He asks, confused.

His brother stares at him, full of rage. Without a word, he begins to drown him. Just when Kaz has almost lost all of his oxygen, his brother pulls him back out from under the water.

“Who are you without your vengeance?” Jordie yells. 

“Kaz. Wake up” You say, one gloved hand cupping the side of his face, the other moving his jaw to try to force him to chew. He can’t hear you.

“What is the worth of life if you have no one left to fight for?” Jordie asks, before plunging him under the water again. 

“Kaz” You repeat, and he hears you this time. “You’re going to be alright” 

You come into focus in a water gaze, the remnants of the poison still giving a dreamlike quality. It takes him a few moments to realize that it’s no longer a hallucination and that both of your hands are on his face. Gloved hands.

You pull your hands away from his face as soon as you see him come out of it. 

“Sorry,” You say. 

You don’t have to apologize, he thinks. 

XXXXX

“Kaz, a word?” You say, wanting to get him alone. You’ve obtained the Neshyenyer and are getting ready to head to East Ravka. 

He nods in acknowledgment while the others in the room make no effort to leave.

“Alone.” You add, so the others get the picture. 

Everyone exchanges suspicious glances with one another except Kaz, who is only looking at you. Nina winks as she passes you on her way out of the room. You resist the urge to roll your eyes. 

You position yourself by the door, a good five feet away from him, in order to respect his boundaries. The boundaries that you’ve consistently had to cross recently to protect him.

“What do you need?” He asks. 

“Are you okay?” You ask. 

Of course he isn’t, but you want him to admit that. You suspect he’ll respond with something defensive, something clever, something like “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” or “Why does it matter?” or “We have a job to do”. For it to be like the dream. 

“Are you?” He responds.

“No. And I’m getting a little tired of pretending I am.” You answer honestly. The difference between you, and all the other crows, and hell, everyone else that you interact with, is that you aren’t emotionally repressed. You don’t hide it under a sense of revenge, don’t mask it with a face of no emotion, and don’t keep your true thoughts and feelings hidden under a veil of humor. He told you it was a weakness, once. 

“You’re still wearing the gloves.” He comments.

You glance down at your gloved hands and then back at him. “So I am.”

“You don’t have to do that for me.” You don’t have to do anything for me, He thinks. 

“I know.” You say, “I just don’t want to hurt you.” 

There is a long silence as you look at each other, not really sure what to say.

“I wanted you to stay,” He states, looking away from you. Almost as if he’s ashamed that he’s allowing himself to be this vulnerable. “When you asked me in the alley… I wanted you to stay.”

You feel your breath catch in your throat at the admission. Maybe the poison-induced hallucination wasn’t too farfetched after all. 

“I’ll stay.” You take a step towards him, still unsure of his boundaries. Still unsure how close or far you can get without causing him pain. 

“Will you tell me why?” You ask. I can’t help you through something when I don’t know why it causes you pain.

“I don’t know if I can,” It’s the first genuine answer you’ve gotten out of him in a long time. 

“When we were poisoned I- you were in my hallucination,” You admit, taking a few more steps closer to him.  

“What happened in your hallucination?” He asks. Throughout this, he’s made no effort to move from his seat at the table, but his heartbeat has become steadily faster, stronger. 

“I was angry at you- but you seemed to understand why. And you took your gloves off and touched me and- that’s how I knew it wasn’t real.” You reply. “What did you hallucinate?” You add, not wanting him to ruminate on your confession too long. 

“My brother was drowning me,” He states.

“I’m sorry,” You say, reflexively. 

“He asked me, ‘What is the worth of life if you have no one left to fight for?’ and then I saw you,” You’ve never seen him sheepish before- vulnerability doesn’t exactly suit him. 

“Oh,” You breathe. “So what now?” 

“We go to East Ravka.”

“Right,” You say, trying not to let the disappointment show in your voice. “Time to save the world. Again.” 

“We’re not saving it. We’re just getting paid.” Kaz responds.

You steel yourself, trying not to beat yourself up for thinking you were finally getting somewhere. That this would be anything more than words.

"After. We will discuss us after." He adds, quelling your doubt. "We still have a job to do."

You nod.

"I'm here if you need me." You say, turning to leave.

"I know," Kaz replies.

[butwhyduh]

Another Year’s End

Summary: New Year’s Eve was never boring. This is told through multiple perspectives. Cuts between each individual. The only warning is fire.

Jason x reader

It was honestly hard to believe that you were currently living in a penthouse overlooking the glittering side of Gotham. You had moved out of a lace that should have probably been condemned with a broken heater and leaky windows and non-existent air conditioner in summer.

It had been an interesting year, as you were learning all of them were being connected to the bat family. Jason was currently asleep on the couch nursing a broken arm in a new sling Alfred had fashioned only a few days previous. You had practically forced him to take pain medication this morning because he was almost in tears while trying to cook.

Now you could get ready in peace. You could never get used to turning on the bathroom heater while walking comfortably on heated marble floors before stepping into a massive shower bigger than your old bathroom. You had a row of soaps and could turn without knocking a single one over. It was an everything shower so upon leaving the bathroom hours later, you felt like a new person.

Jason was up and moving in the bedroom. He was pulling clothing out of the fancy side of his closet. You also now had a fancy side of the closet. Jason had no less than 5 different ties laying in front of him and 2 different jackets.

“Which one for tonight. These are the pants and shoes,” Jason said without turning. You could never be silent enough to trick him.

“This jacket and one of these two ties,” you said after a minute. You held both ties up to his chest. Jason had a silly little half smile on his face as you looked at them both. “This one. Brings out your eyes.”

“Were you just using that as an excuse to stare into my eyes?” He teased.

“Of course.”

“We’ve got about an hour before we go. I’ve still got to shave and probably shower-“

“Definitely shower,” you corrected. “Do you need help covering your cast?”

“How about joining me and helping me wash my back,” he said with a glimmer in his eyes.

“Not even close. I just dried my hair,” you replied. “After the party,” you added with a wink.

“Hmm,” he replied before going to the bathroom.

You moved to the fancy side of your closet and looked at the clothing Jason had bought you over the past year. He didn’t tell you how he got paid so much more and you didn’t ask. You paused for a second. Were you basically a mob wife just enjoying the money brought in from nefarious activities without a thought?

Jason singing from the bathroom broke your thoughts and you continued on getting dressed. No, he wasn’t working as a crime lord anymore. (Your parents would probably love to hear that one.) not to mention you had a thought that Bruce was giving Jason anything he wanted to have a better relationship.

“The red one,” Jason said and you jumped. He stuck his head around the corner of the bathroom. “Please?”

“Sure. Finish your shower and don’t get the floor all wet,” you chuffed. He grinned before going back in the bathroom. It was only a few minutes later that he came out dressed in only a towel. You tried to ignore how ridiculously fit he was, it really didn’t matter how many times you saw it, he was distracting.

“Zip me up?” You asked. He nodded and kissed the back of your neck before slowly pulling the zipper up your spine. You could feel goosebumps forming. That was before he comically grabbed your ass. “Jay!”

He shrugged before tossing you your jacket. “Couldn’t resist.”

———————————

Dick x reader (different character)

Dick was running late. His fiancé was all dressed and he was running out the doors of the precinct to the Porsche.

“No, no, no,” he gasped as he saw the yellow boot on a tire. Yeah, he double parked but he was just dropping something off. Dick looked around and saw no one. It wasn’t his proudest moment but he pulled out a set of lock picks and took the boot off. That took him 5 more minutes behind.

He drove like he stole it while haphazardly throwing off his normal jacket to put on his fancy evening jacket. Trying to put a tie on one handed while speeding on the highway was not easy. You called him as he passed a cop car.

“Fuck!” He said.

“Excuse me?” You answered.

“No, I’m getting pulled over,” he said as the familiar red and blue lights shines behind him.

“Wow. We were supposed to leave 15 minutes ago,” you reminded him. He cringed.

“Yeah, give me like 10 minutes and I’ll be there,” he promised. You hummed a reply before hanging up.

A cop came up to the window and Dick answered with his badge out. “Sorry officer. GCPD business.”

The cop stared at his badge uncomfortably long before nodding. “Be safe.”

Dick showed up to the apartment a little frazzled but otherwise okay. You met him at the car. You took one look at his tie before reaching over to fix it. It was atrocious. You also fussed with his hair a bit.

The drive over wasn’t bad. It was dry and the roads had been cleared of snow recently. And Wayne manor was as glittery and fancy as always. Other people had long since arrived and you both avoided the crowds by coming in the serving entrance.

“Oh hi,” you said to Jason and his girlfriend who were coming in at the same time. “I’m glad we’re not the only ones a little late.”

“Fashionably late,” Jason replied. “Jesus, Dick. What did you do to your collar?” Jason reached over and straightened it.

“I came straight from work. Alright now?”

“Yeah you’re fine. Have you seen Tim?”

“Didn’t see his car,” Dick replied. The ballroom was packed as usual with Gotham’s richest and most influential. The colors this year were rose gold and bright diamond. In fact, there was a display of some of Gotham Museum’s finest diamonds to one side. They were donated for the night after Bruce’s ridiculously high yearly donation. On the opposite side sat a huge Christmas tree decorated with what looked like more glittering gold and diamonds.

Security was posted all around but to Dick, there was far too many people for the few guards. Bruce was to the side of the display with Selina. They were quite the pair with her long black dress with an impossibly high slit and his perfectly tailored suit. He seemed happy and relaxed but Dick knew that could be an act.

“I found Damian,” you called. Damian was sitting with his date at a table towards a back corner. He was wearing a turtleneck with a blazer and his date wore a nice sweater over her dress. They looked cute and more importantly warm, you thought. You wished that you had thought to wear a jacket. You weaved your way to the pair.

“Hey!” Dick said to Damian before forcing the boy into a hug. “How are you?” He hugged Damian’s girlfriend as well.

“There isn’t enough security. I told Father,” Damian replied. Secretly Dick agreed.

“You worry too much. Have you seen Tim?”

“Not yet,” Damian replied. “I don’t know why we insist on having balls here.”

“Preaching to the choir, kid. Let’s go get some drinks,” Jason said to his date.

“You can’t have alcohol with pain meds,” she reminded him and he grumbled while pulling on his cast.

Dick grinned at you while mouthing ‘good luck.’ Telling Jason no was like it’s own extreme sport. You sat next to Dick and grabbed a pair of champagne glasses from the waiter carrying a tray. Dick looked at his watch with a frown.

“You haven’t heard anything from Tim? He’s usually timely,” Dick asked Damian.

“He mentioned something about checking out a case before the gala. I’m not my brother’s keeper,” he replied.

“That’s what Cain said about Abel after he killed him,” Dick replied dryly. You smacked his arm at the snark.

“I didn’t kill him if that’s what you mean,” Damian replied.

“I wasn’t-“

“I would have done it long ago if I wanted to. He probably forgot about the gala with how wrapped up in the case he was,” Damian replied. Dick sighed.

“I’m sure you’re right. Want to dance?” he asked you. You took his arm and let him lead you to the dance floor. Dick was a fantastic dancer. The song was slow and he pulled you close to sway with the music.

———————————

Tim x reader (different reader)

“Timothy Drake please answer the damn phone,” you grumbled as it once again went to voicemail. You had called him 5 times and texted him many more than that. You had gone from mad that he was running late to concerned something happened. Dick’s girlfriend had texted you asking where you both were. You hadn’t responded.

You heard a clattering in the bathroom and you ran to see Tim dressed in his Red Robin suit slide into the window on fall to the floor.

“Tim!” You gasped and tan over to him. He yanked his hood off. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah just late,” he said before standing up too quickly and swaying. You grabbed him to steady him. He started walking to the bedroom. He grabbed a suit and started stripping off his costume. He had a fresh red bruise forming on his side.

“Were you really fighting right before a gala?”

“There’s a case. I’ve almost got it. Met some thugs. Nothing to worry about,” he said while moving to jump in the shower. Normally Tim was much more private than this. It was weird.

“Are you hurt? That bruise looks painful.”

“I’ll be fine. You want to drive?” He asked. He quickly showered and brushed his hair and threw on the suit in record time with practiced ease.

“I guess I can drive,” you said after a minute.

Ten minutes later you parked by the side entrance to a party in full swing. There’s something very intimidating about going to a fancy party in Gotham. You’ve always gotten the vibe that anything could happen at anytime and danger was one step off. Tonight the thought was even greater.

Tim just wasn’t himself as he pulled you into the building. He was a little less refined and a little clumsier.

“Tim, what is going on?” You asked.

“Nothing. We’re just late,” he said.

“Well maybe don’t drag me around when I’m in heels. I almost fell down,” you chided. He sighed.

“Okay, I’m sorry. Let’s go inside, okay?”

“Yeah,” you replied softer.

The glittering gold and diamonds were blinding and the building was incredibly full of people. You weaved through the crowd. You held Tim’s hand tightly in fear of losing him.

“Let’s dance,” he said and that’s when you knew something was wrong. He usually needed at least a full glass of champagne before dancing. You let him guide you to the dance floor. He was sloppy and you had to pull him back a few times as he almost hit people with his wild movements. He looked drunk and seemed to be less coordinated by the minute.

You saw Dick and his fiancé dancing and steered Tim towards them. They were dancing beautifully and you regretted interrupting them.

“Dick!” You called out. He turned to see you and Tim dancing. He smiled.

“Already a glass deep, I see,” he teased Tim.

“No, he’s not,” you said, worried. Dick’s brow furrowed.

“I’m fine,” Tim replied but Dick had already seen the sloppy movement and slower reaction timing.

“Why don’t we get a seat,” Dick replied. He mouth a ‘sorry’ to his date. The four of you moved to a table. “Buddy have you had anything to drink tonight?”

“No and I don’t like the accusation that I have,” Tim replied.

“Okay I believe you,” Dick said. He asked you a bunch of questions and tried to ask Tim who was becoming less coherent by the minute.

—————————

Damian x reader

“Sorry, I am in a poor mood. I just haven’t slept in 31 hours,” Damian admitted after you grew angry at his attitude.

“Why not?” You asked.

“There’s a case that I have been helping Drake with. We’ve been taking turns with surveillance. I didn’t have time to take a nap. I’ll be fine. A few hours shouldn’t be a problem,” he said confidently.

“We don’t have to stay at this party,” you replied. “Seriously if you need to sleep.”

“No Father needs me here. He needs someone watching after him,” Damian replied while looking around the room.

“Don’t you ever get tired of it, caring for everyone?” You asked gently. “Are you going to watch after your father forever?”

Damian suddenly stopped his surveillance and looked over at you. “I’m sorry. This case is getting to me. There’s… a lot on the line.”

“Like what?”

“Drake thinks there’s trafficking involved. A new drug to low inhibition,” he practically whispered. “I can’t really talk about it.”

“Take the night off. It’ll be there tomorrow,” you retorted with a smile. Damian nodded. “Do you want to get some snacks?”

“Sure,” he replied before grabbing your hand and pulling you through the crowd. As Damian walked towards the drink station, his relatively new height afforded him the ability to see over many guests. He spotted Dick fussing over Tim. Damian immediately pulled you towards them.

Just as Damian was arriving at the table, down from them around the Christmas tree, a group of older men lit cigars as they talked business. Jason and his girlfriend happened to be nearby. Jason wanted to quit smoking, he really did. But the fact that they were lighting up as he was quite stressed about the event was hard to ignore. He pulled his cigarettes from his jacket pocket despite his partners protest.

“Can I get a light?” He asked.

At the tables Tim was becoming angry at the concern the others had for him. He suddenly stood up and stormed off towards the tree. His arms swinging wildly as his balance was compromised. And fate for Bruce Wayne had never been kind. Because just as Jason was lighting a match to light up his cigarette, Tim Drake crashed straight into him and directly into the Christmas tree.

Jason jumped back with a yell in pain as his injured arm was jostled but the damage had been done. The tree that Alfred had bought a month previous and had painstakingly decorated with glittering bobbles and dried flowers went up in flames. The tree was incredible flammable.

Tim froze as he looked at the sudden bonfire. Jason dragged him away as the heat seared the air. Screaming could be heard all around and the mass of bodies scrambled for the exits. You froze in fear as the flames tickled the streamers hung from the ceiling.

“We need to leave,” Dick said. “Go to that exit,” he pointed. “I’m going to help them.”

“I’ll come too,” Damian said.

“No, get them out,” Dick commanded. Dimly they could hear Bruce announce something over the loud speakers. Chaos ensued especially around the diamond display. Damian grabbed your hand and you grabbed Dick’s fiancés hand who grabbed Tim’s girlfriend’s hand and the four of you made towards the exit. Bodies pressed all around as people panicked. Your ears rang from the screaming your lungs began to burn from the smoke.

Across the room Dick had just barely made it to Tim and Jason and Jason’s girlfriend. The pair were trying to drag Tim towards an exit with no luck. Jason was furious that he couldn’t use one arm. Dick simply scooped Tim up fireman style before marching towards an exit.

The sprinkler system finally kicked in. The fire remained on the tree but any spread was quickly stopped.

You shivered in the cold Gotham air outside the ballroom. People ran to their cars or stood watching as the tree continued to burn. Damian pulled off his jacket to wrap around your shoulders.

“Thanks,” you replied and he pulled you into a hug.

Tim’s girlfriend paced and stared at the exits hoping they would come out soon. “I don’t understand what is going on with him. Tim was not himself.”

“They’ll be out soon,” Dick’s fiancé replied. She looked terrified. Jason was injured and Tim was altered and there were so many civilians. Dick would try to get everyone out.

Fire trucks sounded in the distance as they raced towards the manor. Black smoke billowed out the doors and obscured any view. Inside was chaos as the sprinklers flooded the room. Dick finally made it to an exit and all but tossed Tim on the lawn before running back in to help others.

“I see Tim!” You cried and his girlfriend ran over to him. Visibly uninjured but very altered Tim sat on the grass in a daze.

“Are you okay?” His girlfriend asked and before he could respond, he vomited on the grass. It was electric green and Tim seemed to sag in relief.

“That’s something,” you replied.

“Yes, I think it’s our mysterious substance from the case,” Damian replied.

The last of the people had filtered out of the building and the fire had dimmed down. The firefighters quickly put it out. Dick and Jason and his girlfriend came out finally. Alfred found the group and sighed in relief.

“Thank heavens,” he said. “Let’s get you lot inside.”

They walked to the opposite side of the manor that wasn’t damaged by the smoke and moved into an informal den. Bruce and Selina soon joined them.

“There’s a problem,” Bruce started.

“Other than the fire,” Dick asked.

“And Tim?” Jason added.

“Yes, someone stole about 100 million dollars in diamonds tonight and the drug you were tracing made it’s way into the party tonight. This is now an open investigation,” Bruce said.

“Happy New Years,” Tim said from the couch as the clock struck midnight.

Part 1

[edupunkn00b]

Guardian ad Liber, Ch. 5: Masking

Photo by Matt Tulos, CC 4.0. Edited by author. n.b. Liber can mean book or child.

Prev - Masking - Final - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

WC: 3100 - Rated: G - CW: Angst, minor injuries, comfort - Written for @loceitweek, a continuation of last year's story -

Breath caught in his throat and with Remus and Janus’ hands clutched to his chest, Logan looked between them, searching their eyes for any hint of their reaction. They were both quiet, looking back at him with varied expressions of shock. 

They’d never discussed anything like this before. Beyond Remus’ childcare and preschool work, and his and Janus’ work in family law, children simply weren’t a part of their lives. None of them had come from healthy homes and, with the exception of Remus, none of them had living siblings who could give them a glimpse of another kind of parenting.

And Roman? Roman and his husband had never expressed the tiniest of interest in adopting children.

For that matter, though, neither had Logan. And now? Now he found himself called to something he’d never before considered, reaching for something he’d never even thought he might want.

Logan didn’t know—he didn’t even want to have to think about—what he might do if Janus and Remus didn’t want this, too.

Janus recovered first. “You’re serious,” he murmured, eyes dancing in the low light. “I thought… I thought you didn’t like children. I mean…” He brushed back the hair that had fallen into Logan's eyes, his morning gel long since lost its efficacy. “I’ve watched you fight for children of all ages. Watched you defend them from crooked cops and lousy parents and… horrific abuse. But… " He shook his head, tightening his grip on both Logan’s and Remus’ hands, eyes wet and bright. “I never thought you hated children, just…”

“I…” Fear gripped Logan’s throat. Unable to read the emotions flitting across Janus’ face and just barely grappling with his own realization, he struggled to find his words. Remus sat quietly next to them, his unusual calm both a welcome balm and another question mark in Logan’s mind. They’d been together for nearly a decade and Logan had genuinely been convinced they’d already figured each other—and themselves—out. This was… This was new. 

He took another slow breath, holding their hands tight, an anchor in the uncertain storm in which he'd sailed them. But even in his sleep, Patton’s tenacious grip on his sleeve propelled him forward.

Honesty. Honesty was all he had, All they had. This, too, they would figure out. Together.

“I didn’t realize this… desire myself,” he said. “It just…” He looked over his shoulder, Patton’s face smooth and peaceful in sleep. “I… I feel it here,” he whispered, pressing their hands to his chest.

“I… I believe you,” Janus nodded then fell quiet, a faraway look in his eyes as he seemed to consider Logan’s words. His silence was unnerving, even as his steady grip and Logan’s own logic reminded him that it was hardly realistic that Janus would instantaneously leap up in complete agreement. Yes, of course, let's become parents right now!

Remus broke the silence, the twitch in his mustache their only clue he barely contained a stronger reaction. “Well, what about you, Jannie?”

“I’d never considered it,” he began slowly, slipping one hand from their shared grip to gently raise Logan’s chin. “And I don’t simply mean because we haven’t discussed the possibility of parenthood. Haven’t had cause to discuss it. I…” 

He stared down at their hands for a long moment, the glint of his and Remus’ rings a beacon. “None of us grew up with any sort of model for what a good father should be. Wha—” His voice cracked and Remus reached for him, nearly pulling him onto Logan’s lap. “What if I do something wrong again? Like I did with your coat?”

It had been a long time since Logan had heard Janus sound so small.

“Oh, Jan,” Logan whispered into his hair, relieved tears pricking his eyes. This was what gave Janus pause? Not a lack of desire to be parent. A fear of doing it wrong?

Moving carefully so as not to dislodge Patton’s hand from his arm, he helped Remus pull Janus between them and pivoted. All three could now see Patton sleep, hugging the stuffie Remus had bought him, Janus' yellow scarf twisted in his little hand. “I suppose you will need to invest in more scarves, then,” he said. 

Someone must have filled Remus in while he was brushing Patton’s teeth because he chuckled. “Don’t worry Jannie, we’re all gonna fuck up,” he said, pulling a wet laugh from him. “We’ll just fuck up in much better ways than our loser fathers did.”

“That can’t be where the bar is,” Janus shook his head, still smiling.

Soaking in the warmth of Janus and Remus close in his arms and the tiny hand still holding on to him, Logan smiled. “You of all people know it’s not.”

Remus dried one side of Janus’ face and Logan the other and they sat quietly tangled together on the floor for a long while before Logan suddenly looked up and caught Remus’ eyes. “Wait, you didn’t say what you thought about any of this. If… We all know it doesn’t really matter whose name is on the paperwork,” he held them both close. “We do this together or we don’t—”

“Are you kidding?” He grinned. “I thought I’d hafta wait another decade for you two to figure out you’d be great with kids.”

“What?” Logan looked up, eyes wide. Shaking his head, Janus chuckled as though he knew precisely what made Remus so certain of his assessment. Logan was unconvinced. “Re, we're not like you. While you have demonstrated a profound proclivity for caring for children, there is nothing in either of Janus’ nor my histories that would indicate a predilection for child rearing.”

“Aw come on, Lo Lo…” Grinning, he swept one arm over their office. The wall closest to them was covered with embossed certificates of appreciation for QLaw’s pro bono work with Seattle Children’s Society and the Juvenile Rights Defense League. Framed newspaper clippings about the marriage equality petition they’d so carefully crafted to pass judicial scrutiny along with dozens of pictures of smiling new adoptees lined the other. “You really can’t see it?” he whispered.

Logan looked around the office before nodding slowly. His whole world lay in this room. He smiled when a soft sleepy sigh from Patton added one more bit to his metaphorical pile of good things.

“Yes, I suppose you have made your case, Meus.”

~

As the evening wore on, the three of them—the four of them—remained close. Logan, Janus, and Remus talked through formal living arrangements and how they would finally have a use for the decadently empty half of their duplex. “Our procrastination on renovating appears to have become an asset for our future selves,” Logan murmured, one hand curled through Remus’ hair as Janus lounged over both their laps. “As a society we’ve made strides but—”

“But too many judges would look unfavorably on our true family composition,” Janus murmured, fatigue fuzzing his voice. “We’ll need to be careful.”  

Logan nodded, smiling as Remus sleepily stroked Janus’ hair. “I shall endeavor to reinforce my independent status in court.”

Janus’ brow crinkled as he reached for Logan’s other hand and pressed it to his lips. “Only for the show,” he whispered. “Only for the show.”

Humming his agreement, Remus drew Logan closer and tucked his head in the crook of his neck. He mumbled something, his full exhaustion finally slipping past his energetic mask as his eyes closed. 

Head heavy on Logan’s shoulder, it wasn't long before Remus drifted off to sleep. Though this has been his day off, he'd been up before dawn, glazing his latest piece in the basement studio. The morning would bring an early shift at the childcare center and Logan did not begrudge him his easy sleep.

Janus looked close to sleep as well, the lips pressed to his hand growing slack with each soft exhalation. “Good night, Lo,” he murmured and grew still.

Though also more tired than he’d felt in a long time, Logan’s thoughts raced, a quick succession of logic trees and what-ifs fueling his mind even as his body rested in the comfort of his loves.

He had served as a GAL or prosecuting attorney in enough foster cases to know what came next. He would need to apply and be formally certified as an emergency placement, and then would need a full home study to be approved as a long term foster parent for Patton. 

Holding Remus and Janus close, he pushed away the prickle of worry he’d never quite been able to shake since he’d first come out. Well, since he’d first realized he… had something to come out about. It was gradually getting better and they lived in a progressive city. In even the six short years he’d practiced law, he’d watched most judges drift from a strict, heteronormative view of family into one that put the child’s needs above all other considerations, political or otherwise.

Wrapped in the quiet, steady breathing of his loves and his… charge? His ward? Logan would’ve laughed at his own thoughts if it wouldn’t risk waking them all. Was he Batman now in his fantasies?

After a long, long while, Patton’s sudden movement and a sharp gasp behind him pulled him from his mental strategizing. Logan looked over his shoulder to find Patton sitting up, stuffed owl and scarf held tight. Too-wide eyes darted around the room until they landed on the three of them and the little boy smiled.

“You’re safe, Patton,” he whispered. “There’s—” Logan squinted at his watch. Was it really nearly six? “Well, there’s a bit more time to sleep if you’re still tired,” he said. “Though Remus is likely to wake soon, as well.”

Chewing his lip, Patton looked longingly at the tangled pile on the floor. Logan sat mostly as he had to read the bedtime story, back leaning against the front of the sofa. Remus was tucked under Logan’s far arm, legs hooked over his. Janus had made a pillow of their thighs, laying perpendicularly across them and the plush carpet underneath.

A sudden grin blooming over his face, Patton wiggled out from under the covers and landing with a soft thud on Logan’s other side. Still holding his treasures, he sat on the floor next to Logan, looking up at him, eyes a question.

“That is quite alright,” he said, smiling as Patton snuggled close. “More than alright.”

A few short minutes later, Remus’ alarm sounded, just as Patton had begun to fidget. Janus woke with a low groan, pouting slightly when Remus slid away to turn off his phone. It wasn’t until Patton giggled at his still-sleepy expression that he opened his eyes.

“'Morning. Aren’t you up with the—” He frowned at the still-dark windows, his voice low and rough with sleep. “Well, with what passes for dawn this time of year.”

Patton grinned back at him, brow pinched. They all turned at Remus’ lion-like yawn. “Fun sleepover, but I need to grab a shower back home before I head in.” He made a show of sniffing under his own arm and gagged, eliciting a peal of laughter from Patton who immediately copied him. “See? He knows what I'm talkin' about,” he laughed, leaning over to kiss Janus’ temple.

“Are you off at three today?” Logan asked, eyes falling shut and leaning in when Remus briefly cupped his cheek.

“Yep.” A worried shadow passed over his eyes before he grinned again. “I’ll check in and see where you all are, yeah?”

Logan swallowed hard at the double meaning but nodded. “Have a good day at work,” he said, voice not as steady as he would have liked.

Janus silently squeezed his hand as Remus reached over to ruffle Patton’s hair. “I’ll see you later, Bud, alright?”

Lips drawn into a straight line, Patton blinked up at him with big eyes before nodding.

“I’ll let you out,” Janus said, pushing up to his feet with a pained grunt. “We’re getting too old to sleep on the floor.”

Remus just laughed, “Maybe you two are, old man.” With one more wave at Patton and Logan, he followed Janus down the hall and through reception.

Heart a little lighter, Logan smiled down at Patton. “Bathroom and teeth first, then let’s fold up your blanket, shall we?”

~

As the sun rose and the rest of the QLaw staff trickled in, those who’d seen Patton the day before expressed no surprise at his continued presence. Two attorneys, in fact, were pleased he was still there as one had brought a backpack and three new picture books; another carried a nephew’s newly outgrown winter coat. Not that it was all that unusual to see a foster child in the office, even that early in the day. 

What was unusual was Logan’s behavior. Gazes lingered on their ordinarily stoic and fastidious co-attorney-in-charge, unbothered by the marker scribbled on his arms, the heavy shadows under his eyes, or his rumpled tie and shirt. Instead, Logan read animatedly to the little boy in his office, silly voices and all. A glance from Janus was all it took for them to keep private counsel for now.

Shortly after a conference room breakfast of bagels and fruit, reception buzzed to tell them Patton’s social worker, Grace, had returned to the office.

Forcing a smile to remain on his face, Logan nodded and stayed with Patton as Janus left to brief her on Logan’s intentions. Janus would serve as Patton’s GAL in court and, as the need arose, they’d arranged for a colleague at the UW Law Clinic to represent Logan.

Only if needed.

Logan and Patton were on their second reading of A Color of His Own when Grace knocked on his open office door, Janus positioned in the hall behind her. He carried Patton’s new-to-him coat and backback, along with the boots Remus had picked up with the pajamas. He’d carved a small smile on his face, the same he’d wear on his worst days at court.

“Hello, Patton,” Grace said, addressing Logan more than the child. “It’s time to go now.”

Patton looked up at Logan and, when he closed the book and began to stand, wrapped tiny arms around his neck, moving with him off the sofa. Logan steadied him, retrieving his dropped owl and scarf. Keeping on arm circled over Logan’s shoulders, Patton gripped the stuffie and scarf close to his face. He peeked out at Grace from behind them, eyes wide.

“Mr. Sand—”

“Logan,” he corrected quietly.

“Mr. Logan’s not coming with us today, Patton,” she continued, stepping closer and opening her arms. “You have a check-up and then we’re going to talk to a—”

The little boy was already shaking his head, fingers digging into Logan’s shoulder. He locked his legs around Logan’s waist, a high whine pushing up from the back of his throat.

Logan breathed deeply and slowly nodded his head as moved closer so she could take him. “Ms Grace will take good care of you and I’ll see you—”

Openly crying now, Patton continued to shake his head, fighting to stay in Logan’s arms with as much vehemence as he’d fought his hold less than twenty-four hours ago in the courthouse. Fists flailing, he kicked his feet, striking both Logan and Grace.

“Patton, this is no way to behave!” she said, reaching for him with one hand and fending off his blows with the other.

“No no no no no no!” he screamed, whacking her with the stuffie. Logan’s cotton shirt was no match for his grip, threads popping as he push-pulled away from her.

“Patton,” Logan began, stopping when his voice shook. He closed his eyed for a long moment, Patton’s cries cutting through his chest. His arms trembled with the effort to not simply hold him closer until he was soothed.

They had to do this the right way.

“Patton, it is time to go with Ms. Grace now.” he said, looking back unflinchingly into big blue eyes, wide with terror. “You are safe, and I will see you soon,” he pledged, hesitating to make such a large promise, but unable to truly stop himself. Would he? Would he see him soon? 

As Patton clawed at his shoulder and his face in a desperate attempt to remain in his arms, Logan continued to nod. “This is just for a while,” he said, promising both the child and himself. “You’re safe,” he said again, to himself just as much as to Patton. "You're safe."

Patton kicked him again and Grace used that as her chance to scoop him up into arms and flee from the office. Patton howled as they left, his voice fading as she hurried down the hall past the small crowd of lawyers and other staff drawn by the commotion.

His screams cut out as the main door closed behind them.

Janus pressed Patton’s belongings into the closest paralegal’s hands. “Go with them and stay with her. Keep me notified if anything changes. I will join you at the courthouse shortly.”

“But—” she argued.

“Go now," he insisted. "Please.”

Casting a quick glance at Logan in the office, she nodded and raced to follow Grace and Patton out of the offices and into the elevator.

“No calls.” Janus said to the receptionist who’d stood watching from the other end of the hall. "Only for this case, understood?"

“Of course,” the receptionist nodded and returned to his post. Janus didn’t address the remaining onlookers and simply closed the door behind him.

Logan stood alone in the center of their office, shaking and staring at the floor. Tiny red streaks striped his skin and his shirt was torn, partially untucked. It took a moment for Janus to find his glasses under a side table where they'd been knocked off and kicked away—unbroken—in the struggle.

Tangled in a heap near Logan's feet lay Patton’s owl and borrowed scarf. Logan stooped to pick them up. “Patton will miss these,” he said, voice breaking. He started to stand but dropped to his knees instead. “I should…” He looked up at Janus, eyes burning.

“You can give them to him when we see him next,” Janus said, setting down his folded glasses on the table and kneeling with him.

Head bowed, Logan brought the little bundle close to his heart. His shoulders shook as the first tears fell, wetting the yellow silk. “Your scarf… “ he said, more sob than speech.

Janus pulled him close, his own voice thin and tremulous. “It’ll be okay, Lo,” he whispered near his ear. Janus rubbed his back as he cried against his shoulder. “We will make it okay.”

[sequinsmile-x]

Waiting Room - Chapter 5

Everything had changed so quickly, her life torn out from under her in a matter of seconds, the trajectory of what it would look like going forward permanently altered. 

Emily's life changes forever when her parents are killed. Aaron just needs a job after his marriage breaks down and he answers an ad for a private security guard. If only the young woman he'd been hired to look after wasn't entirely resistant to his presence.

A Young Hotchniss AU

-x-

Hi friends!!

I think I've said it with every chapter, but I am so blown away by the reaction to this fic!! AU's are always a bit nervewracking because people don't always love them - but I am SO pleased you have all enjoyed this!!

This was a lovely way of marking my 3 year writing anniversary...here's to the next 3!!

Please let me know what you think <3

-x-

Warnings: Full list of warnings on the Master List

Words: 4.7k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

She almost turns back. 

She fights against every instinct to go back to Aaron knowing that he wouldn’t want her to. She can feel his blood on her hands, the crashing of her past into her present almost too much to bear. 

She blows out a breath, giving herself a moment to calm down, and then she heads down the stairs. In a previous life, before she knew the sharp sting of loss, the confusion of grieving people she never had a good relationship with, she learnt how to get down these very stairs without being detected. She knew which floorboards creaked, and which corners would have indicated to her parents that she was sneaking out.

Now it’s knowledge that might just save her life. 

She’s almost at the front door when she hears a dark chuckle and her blood runs cold. She turns slowly, Aaron’s gun in her hands, and she comes face to face with the man who had haunted her nightmares for years. She clears her throat and raises the gun, pointing it directly at the chest of the man who had been nameless to her this time yesterday. 

“You should leave,” she says, pressing her lips together to cry to stop them from trembling, “The cops will be here soon.”

Ian smiles at her, his grip on his own gun loose, as if he didn’t see her as a threat, “Look at you,” he says, his blue eyes burning into hers, “All grown up.” 

“Leave,” she says, her voice fiercer now, “Or I’ll shoot.”

He smirks as if she hasn’t spoken, “You have your boyfriend to blame for me being here. As soon as the FBI started to look into what happened again I knew I had to tie up the loose ends I left in that alley,” Ian says, looking her up and down in a way that makes her internally shudder in disgust, “I was a little more…careless back then.”

She tightens her hold on the grip of the gun, “Some might say you still are careless,” she says, proud of herself for the fact her voice doesn’t shake, “They know who you are now. They’ll know you’re the one who broke in here.”

Ian chuckles and steps closer to her, “How do you think I found out the FBI was snooping around anyway? I’ve got guys everywhere,” he smirks as he gets even closer, his eyes flicking down to her hands, how her finger lingers over the trigger, “In another life, I think we could have had some fun.” 

She sneers at him, ignoring his comment entirely as he steps towards her again, forcing her backwards, her back against the wall, “Don’t come any closer.” 

He smirks at her, “Oh love, I think we both know you aren’t going to shoot-”

She pulls the trigger as he reaches out to touch her, cutting him off before he can finish. It feels like time slows down as he stumbles backwards, his hands coming up to his chest, blood slipping out from under his fingers as he falls down, his head cracking against the floor as he hits it. She stands there, unable to move, her hands so tightly wrapped around the gun her knuckles are bleach white. She keeps the gun trained on him, her breath unsteady as it forces itself out of her lungs, as she watches his chest go still. 

It felt strange that it was that simple. That her monster, the one she’d seen in every shadow in the last five years, who had changed the trajectory of her life, was gone in an instant. It’s like a transformation in front of her, the way he shifts from a phantom to nothing more than a man. 

“Em.” 

She jumps, torn out of her trance as she turns, the gun still in a tight grip in her hands, and a shuddering breath escapes her as she sees Aaron. He was barely standing, his hand against his side as blood dripped to the floor through his fingers. He’s halfway down the stairs, supporting himself against the wall, every step clearly a struggle. 

“Aaron,” she breathes out, dropping the gun to the floor as she runs over to him, “What are you doing? You’ve lost too much blood.” 

She makes it to his side, slotting herself between his good side and the wall, taking his weight onto her shoulder as she gets him to the bottom of the stairs. She usually loved the weight of him, found it comforting, her favourite way to sleep in recent weeks was half under him, but now it was a hindrance. The almost dead weight of him too much once they no longer have the wall to steady themselves against and they stumble to the floor as soon as they make it to the main foyer. 

“I heard a shot,” he grunts, wincing in pain as she lowers him to the floor, positioning them so he’s in her lap, “I thought…” He doesn’t have to say it, doesn’t have to say what the sound of the bullet had made him think. It had caused a surge of adrenaline, enough to push him onto his feet and seek her out, immediately replaced by relief when he saw her standing there, his gun in her hands. He lifts his head, groaning when he does so, when she presses even harder on his wound, “Is he dead?” 

She nods, “Yes,” she says, smiling tightly at him when he looks back at her, “He’s dead.” 

Aaron chuckles, not feeling the ache he thinks he should when his chest rumbles with it, “You’re a good shot,” he says, reaching up to touch her cheek, pressing his blood onto her skin, leaving behind a fingerprint he thinks might outlast him.

“Well I have a good teacher,” she says, pressing down on his abdomen, “Sorry if this hurts,” she says, relieved when she hears sirens in the distance, “Help is almost here.”

“Doesn’t hurt,” he replies, his eyelashes fluttering in a way that was familiar, a sign that he was falling asleep, and it fills her lungs with terror, her chest tight with pre-emptive grief. 

“You have to stay awake, sweetheart,” she says, the nickname he usually used for her slipping free, “Please stay awake for me.” 

He smiles up at her, “You called me sweetheart, I like it.” 

She chokes out a noise, somewhere between a sob and a laugh, the memory of when he’d first called her sweetheart almost overwhelming. His eyes drift shut again and she shakes him, but he doesn’t wake up. 

“Please, Aaron,” she half sobs, the sirens so close now they were overwhelmingly loud, her words quiet even to her, “I can’t lose you too.” 

___

Tick

The clock on the wall is loud. It’s all she can hear, all she’d allowed herself to hear ever since they’d arrived at the hospital, the only thing she can concentrate on so she doesn’t think about how she could lose Aaron. 

She’d travelled in the ambulance with him. His heart had stopped on the journey, something that had made the tears she’d held back since she’d found him in the hallway finally break free. 

Tock

He was in surgery, he had been for a couple of hours already. The police had spoken to her in the waiting room she was currently sitting in, had asked her questions she’d already forgotten and told her they’d be back in touch. She did know that she couldn’t go home tonight. The house was a crime scene, the body of the man who had killed her parents lying just inside the front door. The body of the man she’d killed. 

She killed someone. 

Tick 

She looks at her hands, washed clean and bright red from where she’d scrubbed them in the mirrorless accessible bathroom a kind nurse had led her into. She clenches her fists, digging her nails into her palms to try to and feel anything other than Aaron’s blood on her hands. 

He had to live. She couldn’t lose him. 

She’d survived her parent’s murders. She’d got through it, waded through the complex emotions and grief that had come with it, and recently she’d started to live again. To enjoy her life, to consider her future. And she knew that was because of Aaron. From the start, he’d helped bring her back to herself. He helped her feel safe and gave her the tools to protect herself - something that may have ended up saving both of their lives. 

Part of her hated that she’d met Aaron the way she had, that if she hadn’t lost her mother and father she likely wouldn’t have met him. A cruel twist of fate that she wasn’t even sure she believed in. Now she wasn’t sure how she’d live without him, how she’d survive his loss if he didn’t make it. 

He had to live, because somehow she’d fallen in love with him and she needed him to know that. 

Tock

“Emily?” 

She looks up from where her eyes had been fixed on the ground, her breath catching in her chest as her eyes meet Dave’s. She’d called him about 20 minutes ago, no longer able to stand being alone, and whilst she didn’t remember what she said to him the panicked look on his face lets her know it had spooked him. 

They hadn’t spoken since the argument almost a month ago, and it was the longest they’d gone without talking since her parents died. She can tell he isn’t sure what to do, a tension in his shoulders that she hadn’t seen before and she sighs, forcing a tight smile on her face. 

“Hi,” she chokes out, her voice not sounding like her own. 

“Are you hurt?” He asks, finally sitting next to her, his eyebrows furrowed together. She shakes her head, screwing her hands together in her lap, her cuticles torn to pieces. 

“No,” she shakes her head and sees how he looks down at the pjyamas she was still wearing, the dark patches of what was obviously blood standing out like a grim pattern, “It’s not my…it’s Aaron’s. He was shot.” 

Dave reaches over and squeezes her shoulder, his smile soft, and reassuring. A little too close to the way he looked at her on the day she buried her parents, “What happened?” 

She blows out a breath, her ribs aching as it escapes, “Ian Doyle, the man who killed Mom and Dad, he broke into the house. He and Aaron had some kind of altercation, the gunshot woke me up,” she wipes a tear from her cheek, “I found Aaron and then he gave me his gun, told me to go. I came across Doyle and…he came at me and I shot him,” she looks at Dave, her eyes wide as they meet his, “I killed him.” 

Dave pulls her into a hug, something she gratefully returns, “What about Aaron?” 

She sighs as she pulls back and she shrugs, “He’s alive and in surgery,” she says, pressing her lips together, “I…I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him.” It’s only after she’s said it she realises it’s the first time she’s spoken about her relationship with Aaron to Dave without shouting at him. She sighs again, guilt briefly overtaking her anxiety, “I’m sorry for what I said.” 

He smiles softly at her and pulls back, reaching into his pocket to take out his handkerchief, gently wiping her cheek, “You don’t have to apologise. I overreacted, and you’re not wrong,” he says, pulling his handkerchief away, a flash of blood on it, Aaron’s blood that had stained her cheek, enough to make her shudder, “I’m not your father,” he smiles wryly, “No matter how much I like to think I am sometimes.” 

She smiles softly at him, “Well, sometimes I like to think you are too.” 

It was something she’d wished more than once when she was young. Dave had always been more patient with her than her parents had been, more aware of the fact that she was a kid and would act as such. 

They fall into a brief silence and he reaches out for her hand, squeezing it gently, “Does he make you happy?” 

She nods, not having to think about it, “Yeah,” she says, laughing humourlessly, “He really does.” 

“Then that’s all that matters,” Dave says, a wry smile on his face, “Just promise me something.” 

She raises her eyebrow at him, “What?” 

“When you marry him, make sure you invite me.” 

She chokes out a laugh, something that feels out of place given the circumstances, and she shakes her head, “You didn’t even want me seeing him and now you’re marrying me off to him?” 

He shrugs, “I knew from the start there was something between you.” 

She rolls her eyes, “Oh that is such bullsh-”

“Is anyone here for Aaron Hotchner?” 

Emily freezes at the doctor's voice and she turns to look at him, swallowing thickly as she tries, and fails to find her voice. 

“We’re here for him,” Dave says, squeezing her hand before he stands up, “How did the surgery go?” 

“He made it through surgery,” the doctor says, a soft smile on his face and the relief is palpable, almost making Emily trip over as she stands up, “You can go see him if you’d like, one at a time though.” 

She nods as Dave encourages her forward, his hand on her shoulder as she turns to look at him, “I think we both know it’s you he’ll want to see when he wakes up,” he says, smiling softly at her, “I’ll wait here.”

“Thank you,” she says, smiling at him once more before she lets the doctor lead her out of the waiting room. 

She follows him down a hallway, trying but failing to listen to everything he was saying, her mind focused on nothing but seeing Aaron again and the relief that he’d made it. When she walks into his room a nurse is checking his vitals, a blonde woman with a kind smile who introduces herself as JJ before she leaves them alone, letting Emily know she would just be right outside if she needed anything. 

Emily walks over and sits in the chair next to Aaron’s bed, and she blows out a slow breath as she looks him over. He almost looked like he was sleeping, the usual slack expression on his face that she’d seen so many times before, but he was pale, the bags under his eyes pronounced by the pallor of his skin, and it makes her ache. She reaches out for his hand and jumps at the cool touch of it, something she knew was due to blood loss. He was usually so warm, her own personal furnace, and she cups his hand between both of hers, hoping that she can somehow press her warmth into his skin, that she could do for him what he’d done for her countless times. 

She isn’t sure how long she sits there intently watching his face, looking for any slight change, any flicker, that would indicate he was waking up, when she spots his lashes twitch. She stands up, one of her hands leaving his as she runs her knuckles down his cheek, her touch soft as she hopes to pull him back into consciousness. 

“Aaron,” she says quietly, her eyes searching for another sign he is awake, smiling when his eyes start to open, a relieved sob catching in her chest when his eyes meet hers, “Hi.” 

He blinks a few times, his vision blurry until she comes into focus, her smile the first thing he sees. 

“Hi.” He says. His voice is rough and she reaches for the small cup of water on the side table without prompting, offering him the straw so he can take a sip, the tepid drink soothing on his throat. “How are you?” He asks as she places the cup back down and she chuckles, shaking her head at him. 

“You’re the one who was shot,” she says, wrapping her hand around his again, tears pressing at the back of her eyes when he weakly squeezes back, “I’m fine.” 

“You shot someone, Em,” he replies, gently encouraging her to sit on the edge of his bed, “I know what that costs a person.” 

She sighs and she reaches out to run her fingers through his hair pushing it from his forehead, “I think I’m still in shock,” she says honestly, her lips pressed together as she shakes her head, “I can’t believe after all this time he’s just...gone. No longer a threat. I’m sorry you got hurt.”

He frowns at her, “It’s my job,” he says, and she raises an eyebrow at him, “Not like that. Well…not just like that,” he adds, the medication in his system and the pain making it difficult to make sense of his thoughts, “I love you. You’re supposed to protect the people you love.” 

She presses her lips together in a failed attempt to hide her smile, his casual confession washing over her, unfurling the last of the tension in her chest, “I love you too,” she says, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips, “And I’ll say it again when you wake up in the morning and can’t remember this.” 

He frowns, not quite understanding what she means and he groans as he shifts in bed, pain radiating up his side, “We might have to get in touch with Dave and tell him I’ll be out of action for a while.”

“No need,” Dave says from the doorway, a smirk on his face when Emily turns around that lets her know he’s heard more than she would have liked him to.

Emily narrows her eyes at him, “I thought the doctor said only one visitor at a time.” 

He shrugs, walks in and takes a seat, “I charmed that lovely young nurse outside.” 

“You mean you annoyed her into letting you in here.” 

“Anyway,” he says, acting as if Emily hadn’t spoken, addressing Aaron as he leans in closer, “There isn’t a threat anymore, so your services are no longer required.”

Emily rolls her eyes, “Dave-”

“Are you firing me?” Aaron asks, tilting his head at the older man whose smirk only gets more mischievous. 

“Yes.”

“Well, you can’t fire me,” Aaron says, “Because I quit,” he smiles when Emily turns to look at him, a curious look on her face, “Once I’m better I’m taking my girlfriend to Paris.” 

She smiles and squeezes his hand, the thought of going somewhere with him, of being anywhere other than the house that had never really been a home, overwhelming. “I think I’d like that.” 

___

Two Years Later

“God I hate flying.” 

Aaron smirks as Emily yawns and leans further into his side, the luggage carousel seemingly intent on never pulling their suitcases around. He leans in to kiss her cheek, smiling when she turns at the last second, the kiss landing on her lips instead. 

“I know, sweetheart,” he says, kissing her once more before he pulls back, “You’ve said that approximately every five minutes since we left Paris 9 hours ago.” 

She narrows her eyes at him playfully, “You’re the one who asked me to marry you,” she says, smiling as she looks down at her left hand, the engagement ring he’d placed there just a few months ago shining in the bright lights of the airport, “That means you have to put up with my complaining for the rest of our lives.”

He smiles and kisses her again, fiercer this time, pulling back only when she moans, the sound reminding him that they are in a very public place. His smile gets wider as she chases him, her eyes still closed. 

“It’s my honour to do so,” he says, kissing her forehead when she pouts at him slightly. He looks over her shoulder and spots their cases finally coming around the corner, “I’ll grab the cases, you wait here.” 

She does as he’s asked, knowing from experience that if she tried to help he’d simply glare at her. He liked to look after her and, as much as she sometimes hated herself for it, she liked to let him sometimes. 

They’d been in Paris ever since they’d left the US when Aaron was told he was fit to fly after the shooting. Emily hadn’t felt comfortable in the house anymore, any comfort she had once found there gone because of what had happened there. She swore sometimes she could still hear the gunshots echoing the hallways, or see where Aaron’s blood had stained the floor even though it had long since been cleaned up. She’d see the spot where she’d killed Ian and almost hear his laugh, a sound she knew she’d never escape. 

Paris had been their refuge, a place she’d always loved as a kid, a place that held some of her happier memories with her parents. It was nice to see it afresh through Aaron’s eyes, to take him to places he’d only ever read about in French class, to see the beauty that she’d once thought was lost forever because he saw it. It made sense to not move back to the US, at least not for now, and they were only back for a visit. 

Because of a promise she’d made in a hospital waiting room, when she wasn’t even sure Aaron was going to survive. 

“Ready?” 

She looks up and smiles at Aaron, nodding as she adjusts her hold on her purse, “Ready.” 

___

She looks herself up and down in the mirror, turning to check her profile and the back of the dress. It was simple, or at least more simple than any dress she’d ever imagined she’d wear at her wedding. It was white and off the shoulder, an a-line dress made of satin that ended at her knee. She’d curled her hair so it rested over her shoulders, contrasting nicely with the colour of the dress. 

She leans in closer to the mirror to check her make-up and hears a slight knock on the door, “Come in.” 

She hears a gasp behind her and smiles as she turns, not missing the glassy look in Dave’s eyes. 

“Bella, you look…well, bella,” he smiles, walking over and pulling her into a hug, “Thank you for coming back to do this,” he says as he pulls back to look at her, his hands still on her shoulders, “I know flying internationally it goes against wanting to keep it short and sweet.” 

She chuckles, “Well you are our only guest,” she says, pressing her lips together to stop them from trembling, her emotions catching up with her, “And I did promise.” 

He nods and leans forward, stamping a kiss on her cheek, "Your mother would be proud of you," he says, squeezing her shoulders.

She exchanges a tight smile with him and shakes her head. "No she wouldn't be," she says laughing, "She'd be furious I was getting married in city hall," her smile turns wistful, "I'd have agreed to a big ceremony just to shut her up, and then dealt with months and months of conversations about 'chicken vs salmon' and 'peonies vs calla lilies," she presses her lips together, "The only thing I wouldn't have given in on would be the dress."

"And the groom," Dave says, smiling at her knowingly, and she chuckles, the sound wet as it catches in her throat.

"Yeah," she says, her lower lip trembling slightly, love for the man getting ready just down the hall blooming in her chest, "And the groom," she wipes a stray tear from her cheek, "I miss them," she says, blowing out a steady breath, "Is that ridiculous?"

"Of course not, Bella," he says, pulling her in for a hug, "No matter what, they were still your parents."

“Yeah, they were,” she says, hugging him back, resting her cheek on his jacket, “And so are you.” 

He holds her even tighter for a moment, “Promise me something?” 

“Still working on the last promise I made you,” she says, smiling softly at him as she pulls back from the hug, “But it depends on what you want.”

“I’m too young to be a grandfather,” he quips, taking delight in the way her eyes go wide, the way her mouth falls open, “But if you do decide to one day, please move back here and do it. I hate flying.” 

She chuckles and shakes her head at him, “I’ll see what we can do, Dave.” 

There’s another knock at the door and she smiles at Dave before she calls out, knowing it could only be one person, “Come in, honey.” 

Aaron walks in, adjusting the cufflinks she’d bought him for the day, “We should get going…” he drifts off as he looks up, his eyes fixed on her, “You look beautiful.”

She walks over and kisses him, straightening his tie as she does so, “You look pretty damn good yourself.” 

“Okay kids,” Dave says, breaking the moment and walking over, a hand on each of their shoulders, “Before you get too lost in how much you love each other, let's go get you married.” 

Aaron nods and looks at his fiancee, reaching out to squeeze her hand, “Let's go get married.” 

___

The clerk at the check-in desk is enthusiastic, to say the least, when she takes their paperwork from them, filing it next to a series of troll figures on her desk, her smile wide and as bright as her pink-framed glasses, as she tells them congratulations and directs them to a waiting room just outside of the judge's chambers. 

Emily and Aaron sit next to each other, their hands linked on her lap, and Dave purposely sits apart from them, giving them space he knows they need. Emily sighs as she rests her cheek on Aaron’s shoulder and he turns to press a kiss to her forehead. 

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

She hums as she tilts her head to look up at him, “More than okay,” she says, smiling reassuringly at him, “I just…” she drifts off, unsure how to put it into words, how to explain that every event like this was marked by the fact her parents couldn’t be here. 

“You’re thinking about your mom and dad,” he says softly, squeezing her hand, and she nods, grateful that he knows her so well. 

“It’s weird,” she says, biting the inside of her cheek, “If I hadn’t lost them like I did, I wouldn’t have met you, and that feels…” she shakes her head at the thought of it, “I don’t like to think about that, but it makes me feel awful at the same time. Like I’m grateful for them being gone because it brought me you.”

He knows there's nothing he can say, that no matter how much he wants to he can’t take this pain away from her. He leans in and stamps a kiss on her lips, a gentle thing that’s barely there. 

“It’s okay to be happy, Em,” he says, a mantra they’d had ever since they’d got together, “And, I like to think in every universe we would have found each other somehow.” 

She smiles at the thought of it, love and joy spreading through her chest, making it ache in a way that she never wanted to live without, “I could have worked for you at the FBI.”

He makes a show of fake shuddering at the thought, “God, you would have been a nightmare,” he says, fighting a smile as she scoffs, “You would have gone against my orders all the time.” 

She narrows her eyes at him, “You would have loved it.”

He nods, “I would have,” he says, kissing her softly, “I love you.”

She rests her forehead against his, “I love you too.” 

“Applicants Prentiss and Hotchner?” 

Emily pulls back and smiles at her fiance, the man who will be her husband in a matter of minutes, and he squeezes her hand. 

“Ready?” He asks and she nods, her heart hammering in her chest, nervous excitement thrumming under her skin. 

“I’ve never been more ready for anything.” 

-x-

Tag List:

@ssa-sparks, @lukeclvez, @lyds102, @glockleveledatyourcrotch, @hotchnissenthusiast, @danadeservesadrink, @ssamorganhotchner, @emilyprentissisgod, @notagentprentiss, @freesiasandfics, @emilyshotchniss, @thecharmingart, @paulitalblond, @hancydrewfan, @camille093, @whitecrossgirl, @moonlight-2-6, @rawr-jess, @florenceremingtonthethird, @jareauswife, @ms-black-a, @beebeelank, @aubreyprc, @zipzapboingg, @psychopath-at-heart, @criminalmindsgonewrong, @fionaloover, @kinqslcys, @prentissinred, @ccmattis-22, @denvivale317, @thrindis, @hotchsguccitie, @cmfouatslota77, @alexblakegf, @aliensausrex, @prentissxhotch, @emobabeyy, @victoiregranger, @stormyweatherth, @wanderingdreamer009, @ssablackbird, @luhwithah, @lex13cm, @prentiss-theorem, @dont-emily-me, @mrs-ssa-hotch, @jocyycreation, @itsmytimetoodream, @hotchnissgroupie, @controversialpooh, @capsshinyshield, @canuck-eh

Join my tag list here!

[popcornforone]

Smash & Nash

A Spooky Season Max Phillips Fan Fic

I know you could say all Max P fics are for spooky season but this one was written especially for it. & considering where I was with this in the 22nd I’m amazed it’s now published. I’ve done good.

Synopsis: Max & You have agreed your turning date, & the day before your mortal wedding you decide to head to fair with attractions & seasonal spooky things. However Max is the one who is having doubt about your arrangement.

Word Count: 4800

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18! Max is a vampire so blood, mentions of death & turning & other vampire lore, piv sex, in public sex, outdoors sex, fingering, drinking while having sex, swearing, being competitive, being angry, hypnosis, manipulation, mentions of oral. Established relationship. Competitiveness

Thanks as always for reading peoples. All feedback is appreciated. Enjoy everyone.

“Step right up to the world famous pumpkin smash, it’s just like a coconut shy but we make pumpkin pie with the smashed pumpkins for the homeless shelter” That’s all it takes. He grips you hand & smiles. A bright white seductive smile.

“Seriously?” You ask as you roll your eyes. “You want to smash pumpkins?”

“Yes I do my forever…” He knows he’s got to charm you into allowing him to do this, he slowly drags his fangs along the back of your hand before he kisses it, threatening you with a potential early feed if he doesn’t get his way. The devil is always in his eyes but tonight the night before Halloween he’s even more mischievous.”I promise not to cheat”

“Urgh alright, fair fight?” You tut. Max is more competitive than you, that’s why you feel for him but being a vampire gave him added advantages. You like him to show off when it’s for your collective benefits but when you’re against each other it gets a bit tedious.

“Always a fair fight my love, ha what does she take me for?” He jokes to the attendant & the man running the game hands you both over 5 balls to smash the pumpkins with.

“If we do this, I get to pick the next thing we do at this autumn fest?” You raise an eyebrow in hope of Max agreement.

This is meant to be your night. The last days of autumn, the clocks have changed. The nights are cold & long & the leaves have all but finished falling. This time next year, if you come to this event, you will be like Max, a creature of the undead. A vampire looking for prey. You’ve agreed on your turning date it’s on November 17th. You will awaken from your transformation & be a creature of the night on your actual birthday of November 30th should everything go to plan.

“Agreed”Max says as he watches your small hands grasp a ball ready to throw. He likes how small your hands are when they stroke his cock, & he is so looking forward for that to now happen for eternity. You are his forever he has been searching for, for over 300 years, which in vampire time is not long. But his last two potential vampire brides died during transformation. He’s taking no risks this time. He’s doing it all properly & is making sure you are the one. So far nothing has gone against either of you it’s all on track & tomorrow at the Halloween feast you attend you will legally become his wife in the eyes of the mortal world.

You eye each other up. Competitive senses at a high. Most pumpkins smashed is the aim of the game & Max being a gentleman lets you go first. The vampire after centuries has still remembered his manners. As the first hit splatters a pumpkin everywhere covering the guy running the stall, you are so proud of yourself. Your pride is wiped away when you see the look on Max face. He’s trying to work out what’s best for him to do.

Easily let you win?

Take you on at his least competitive?

Cheat?

Use his powers?

He’s contemplating them all.

But then he looks at your face. Max the over thinker he can just about in your mind. He shakes his head trying to get out of it, his head conflicted. He’s brought back to the noise & the smells of the fair as you hold his arm.

“Maxie, it doesn’t matter who wins, this is for fun, it’s for charity, if you want to show off do it but I won’t be upset if you beat me” you softly say to him before kissing his cheek. Your lips are still so alive. Your kisses will still feel as good when you’re a vampire, but some of the warmth & the rush of blood will disappear.

“You sure my forever” he nuzzels his nose against yours. The temptation to bite down hard on his bottom lip is difficult to resist but you do.

“Always baby” your right hand trails down his back soothing him as he grabs his first ball to throw. As he does you smack his arse causing his ball to go nowhere near any pumpkin.

“Cheat!” He shouts & holds you close his eyes enraged, starting to show some red flecks in them. You laugh & then do a little mocking strop.

“Oooh im Max Phillips, I’m the only one who can cheat & get away with it” you also hiss at the end, which make Max hiss back & then you hiss more.

“Your hissing is making excellent progress” Max says as you then both continue taking it in turns to smash the pumpkins, each ball by you both taking one completely out & causing a mess.

“You think so?” You reply with a smile, proud he’s noticed. He said you sounded like a stick insect when you started it.

“Only time will tell.” Max chirps as he throws his last ball that takes out the final pumpkin. You high five each other & he pulls you in close for a hug. It doesn’t matter that you both have countless layers on & it’s getting cold, Max can still feel the warmth radiating from you. His nice little snack. He will need to find a new permanent source of food for you both soon.

You hold Max hand as you look at a few things & then you excitedly screech.

“They have a ghost train Max” you scream in excitement.

“Whats a ghost train?” You look dumbfounded.

“You are 364 years old & you have never ever been on a ghost train?” There’s a reason why he’s waited to turn you, he wants you to immortally be the same age he was when he was turned forever at almost 32 years old. That way you won’t look like an odd couple together. You have been dating him for the last 4 years, & he asked you to be his forever in your 30th birthday. This is all so right for you both, but the fact he’s never been on a ghost train does bother you a little.

“I don’t see what all the fuss is about” he says as you drag him across to it. “I mean…”

“If you say ghosts aren’t real I’m calling bullshit..” you sternly say which shuts him up a little.

“Fair enough”

“Come on Max you promised I could do whatever I wanted next baby please, can we do this?”

Max huffs “alright, alright, fine” this is a well organised event but this ghost train is not one from Disney or a fright night kind of thing. But you can see from some peoples faces that they’ve had a few jump scares as they get off the ride.

The ride attendant takes you tokens & straps you into a carriage.

“Welcome to the ghouls of gore” they state they are dressed as a werewolf. “Where mortals scream & the undead devour” Max raises an eyebrow at them.

“We will be the judge of that” Max cockily replies. You instantly lock your arms with him. You’re not scared but you want to feel as close to Max as possible while he probably sits there & goes ahhh that’s not how a zombie looks critiquing it. Also his slower heartbeat, as you feel his icy skin, is always calming. Many a night have you fallen asleep to his one beat every 5 seconds pulse. It’s just enough to keep him alive. “You okay?” He asks as you look at each other. He looks concerned which you think is for you.

“I’m with you Max, of course I am” & with that the ride starts. It flys through various rooms, Actors leap out, the ride drops, the statues are spooky & the score send chills down your spine. You’ve been on scarier ghost trains but this is pretty good for what you have paid. You let out a few genuine screams as well as some because you know you should. But Max sits next to you almost in silence. It’s only when the ride ends that you look at him. He’s even whiter than he usually is. Something not right with your own creature of the night.

“Well” says the attendant “I’m guessing that worked” they joke looking at Max. He looks pale & spooked. As soon as he is released Max bolts & storms off. Something has been triggered in him.

“Thank you” you say to the ride person & you catch up with Max who’s storming off still not saying a word, he has no idea where he’s heading either, he’s in a strop. “Max slow down what’s up”

“Nothing” he snaps. Brushing you away.

“Maximums Victor Rodrick VanPhelt” that’s his full name back from when he was mortal. You saying that always means he’s in trouble. Picking Max Phillips is a much easier name for people. “Turn & face me” Max stops in his tracks his face is like thunder. But his bottom lip is quivering. He looks scared. “What’s wrong?” It’s a few seconds of silence, your own smile dropping before he speaks.

“What if I kill you?”

“What”

“I’ve tried twice before with who I thought was the one, both ended in death & pain, both put me off finding another forever. & now here you are, so calm about the process, so ready to accept your fate.” His eyes are watering & you both walk up to each other & embrace.

“Honestly Max, I’m a bit scared”

“Really” he now looks even more worried.

“But I’d rather risk it being turned immortal by you, then die old & you have to suffer the heartbreak when I’m 95” Max can sense the future, he has told you that he sees your mortal life ending a few years before your reaching 100 but it’s clouded it’s not set in stone.

“But what if”

“No Max stop, I want to be your forever be that be for the next 18 days after tonight or 30 years or 50 or 500, I’ve decided what I want & I want you, I want to be your vampire bride.” A single tear drips down Maxs face. Love isn’t often reciprocated for him.

“You love me, you completely love me?” he’s still uncertain. You had heard of the day before the wedding jitters but this is a new level of this.

“Yes! Forever yes! How can I prove this to you anymore than I already have” you reply, you caress his face. Your touch making him sigh. He has a small look around & then looks at the attraction to his left.

“Come with me” you are dragged to a little tent for the hall of mirrors. Neither of you have the tokens for this ride. Max reaches the attendant & hypnotises them. “We have the tokens you just don’t need to see them” & with that they let you in.

“Max?”

“Trust me”

After 3 corridors & him stuttering the cctv so it glitches out, he reaches a normal mirror & stands you in front of it. You look at your over sizes hoodie & big scarf, your ripped navy jeans & your blonde hair styled as a bob. Your black nail shine & fingerless gloves touch your outfit.

“What do you see?” He asks

“Your future wife” you reply.

“True…” he says “but I want to know that you see more than this” you look deeply into the mirror. You know what he’s asking you to see.

“I see me, a strong confident woman who knows what she want. No clothes define who I am & neither will time. I see a lost soul who then met the man of her dreams. I see the person I was & the person I will become.” You then see something & blink twice & then hold Max hand”… & I see us standing beside each other for eternity” max is a little choked by this. It’s the answer he hoped for.

“That’s very sweet…” but you interrupt him.

“No max I see your reflection…” Max steps back a little. Max can always see his slight reflection. It’s always delayed a little, & it foggy but he can always see himself enough to check he looks good.

“What?! That’s impossible I…”

“No max” you look up at him beaming & then back to the mirror. “When I held your hand I saw something shimmer in the mirror. Like there was something that moved quickly, almost a ghost but the more I squeeze your hand…” you hold it tighter”I can see it more, there’s something blurry in the mirror that I can see & it’s in the place where you should be” your own lip trembles. You can see your vampire staring back at you in the glass. Maybe your mind wanted to see it, maybe it wasn’t really there but you don’t care.

“Wow” with his other hand Max wipes a small tear away. “& you’re sure you’re not already a vampire?”

You laugh”no max otherwise you’d have died drinking me”

“True, it’s just no one’s ever mentioned my reflection before” Max is struggling to keep it together. He’s overwhelmed with emotion. “You see me for all I am worth & more” Max turns to face you before his lips meet yours. Always deep & passionately. His lust never dying down. It’s easy to fall for someone when they can kiss this good. The way you wrap your arms around him, one hand on his shoulder the other ruffling his hair.

“Always Max” you say as the kiss breaks. You bite his bottom lip as it ends. That’s code for wanting him. Max always wants you, but he didn’t just want to ask you for consent each time so you biting his lip makes sure he is aware you are in the mood. He eyes dilate & he hissed slightly.

“Okay?”

“Okay”

Max then has a quick look around.

“I’m not sure where though baby” he says as he walks you out the hall of mirrors.

“We could go home Max &…”

“No you want me now, I’m not wasting this opportunity” he rolls his eyes back into his head to use one of his vampire sense to see if there somewhere you could go or hide. It’s the one thing you don’t like him doing as a vampire, because you can’t see those dark caramel eyes. It’s only ever for a few seconds, but that’s always when you remember he’s not human. Even when he drinks from you, that feels more normal with that. “Ahhh” he snaps back into the now his eyes beaming back at you & the vacant empty face filled with a mischievous smile.

“You found somewhere”

“Yes” he grabs you by the hand, leaving the hall of mirrors & you start marching across the fair to the security hut & walk behind it. There’s a small table & a broken chair but it’s out the way & no one can see you.”we don’t need long baby I know what I want to do to you.” He’s kissing up your neck once you’re behind the hut. You’re already moaning as he licks at you & his hand undoes your belt on you jeans.

“Max what if…” but he raises an eyebrow

“Don’t worry I’ve cast some hypnosis on a few people as we got here to say stay away. Anyone who wants to interrupt, we can note for future feeds” his hand pull your jeans & knickers down to your knees as he pushes you hard against the hut wall.

“& the security?”

“Shhh baby you overthink too much” your hands are undoing his own trouser. It’s as you feel his briefs that two fingers slip inside you.

“Oooh Max” your eyes scrunch shut as the rhythm is fast, squelching noises coming from your sex within seconds. He has large hands & long fingers & with a vampiric speed he possesses he can have you cumming on his fingers in about 90seconds. The way his thumb pleasures your clit as well. It’s over stimulation for sure in the few minutes he works with his hand but oh does it feel good when he does this. “Max, fuck max” your neck is strained. His small kisses peppering each inch of it. You can feel him getting hand in his own underwear. & then he hits the spot & you scream.

“That’s it sweetheart, cum, cum for your vampire Prince.” Flecks of red fill his eyes. He’s lusting for more than just sex. That sets you off, drenching his finger, as you clamp & he pulls you into him to keep you on your feet. “Damn baby, you know how to make my heart beat almost normally”

“Max mmmmmm max” you just about get the word out. You eventually lean against the hut & remove the scarf while he frees his always impressive length from his briefs. Throbbing & leaking. “Max I want to give you the ultimate pleasure” you whisper into is ear as he swipes his penis over your entrance, a few stroke of it on your clit just to keep you at this level. He loves a tease.

“I thought you said that was for special occasions only” your hands leave Max & you remove your hoddie. Your neck & shoulder line almost looking as broad as him, because you always want to give him an opportunity to enjoy what he wants most.

“I did, tonight is that”

“What about our wedding night tomorrow?” He raises an eyebrow as he licks his lips, nudging further his tip almost ready to slip inside you.

“Max I plan on having a wedding week… oooh fuck”it’s time for your eyes to roll into the back of your head, your mouth wide open gasping for air, as in two ferocious thrusts, hes deep inside your cunt. Where his fingers have been long & got to that spot, he’s hit it already as you flutter around him instantly.

“Well as long as you say the magic words we agreed on I shall. God you’re super tight tonight” you wrap a leg around Max a better angle, as much as Max always pleasures you & has you gushing all over his cock, this just makes it even better.

“Be my Bitey Maxie, drink, please” the words splutter out of your mouth.

When you met Max & he revealed he was a vampire you swore no drinking of you during sex. Before it yes & much time afterwards of course but never during it. 6months in you let him sink his fangs into your thighs, the mixture of bloody & you collective juices made him ravenous. Over the next 3 years you have allowed him to have a small drink while he’s been buried inside you. Your blood tastes better & sweet at your climax he says & 3 months ago when you agreed your transformation date you allowed him to drink from your neck as he fucked you. The orgasm you had, had you walking awkwardly for a few days afterwards. It shook you to the core & you couldn’t stop thinking about the high & how close to possible death you could be. His fangs do heal but to drink from your neck while spilling inside you is his ultimate turn on but this is also something that you have agreed to do a few more times since. You enjoyed the rush a little too much.

“Mark me Max” you pant”I consent” your hips already move in time with his, a body so familiar, you can feel every inch of him, be it his hand on your arse or each pulse inside you, with his throbbing cock.

“Yes my bride” the brown from his eyes is all but gone. So black & wide with a red outline, he’s ready to feast. It always amazes you that his fangs slowly appear. You are curious as to why they aren’t always as prominent as when he’s about to feed. They mesmerise you every time. His hand as he plunders you rhythmically, grips around your chin to hold you in place, exaggerating your neck, he wants to pick the right vein. He loves kissing your neck & the little crook, Max does love kissing everywhere if he’s honest, but the pulse & flow if the blood there always makes him ravenous for more.

“I’m ready baby” you gasp.

“You think you are” there’s the devils smirk, his fangs white sparkling & dripping. He grazes them down your neck before he sinks them into his preferred feeding spot. He hit the soft spot inside you at that exact moment too. Your body already wanting to crumble at the intense pleasure.

“Fuck Max” a drawn out whimper escapes your mouth, pleasure filling your body. You can feel a small trickle down your shoulder as the fangs sink deeper into your flesh. The way his body pushes into you more so your flat against the wall. You’re grinding on his cock creating the frictions most of the time now. It’s easier todo when you sit or lie down, let alone be out in the open having sex. Your eyes when they do open from desire look up at the stars in the night sky.

Max is lapping at each drop, you’re the sweetest tonight he’s ever tasted you & that’s including when he once put sugar in everything you at to see how it effected the taste of your blood. Maybe it’s your connection & passion that makes you taste delicious. He feels guilty for drinking, at about his third slurp but you moan his name again & he remembers you consented to this & to everything that will follow. Your blood is also tasting warmer as you breathe heavier, it’s pumping through your veins. This is why this is a danger, one nip too many will see you off. But Max has recently agreed that if that were to happen that he would turn your straight away.

There you both stand wrapped around each other, experiencing pleasures that neither of you knew existed. The idea of someone catch you exhilarates you both, makes this session even harder & sexier. But Max powers would over throw & convince anyone that this was not what they saw. Two entangled bodies becoming one. As you moan you feel Max start to increase his pace again.

“Fuck, fuck oh god Max” every sense is tingling. Your body feels sexy & the way he is thrusting has you stuttering. He’s enjoying the way you taste, the way you feel, the way you are so desperate to satisfy him, sexually & as a feed. No one has every brought him to nirvana before, but right now as he can feel his own heart beat almost like it used to 300 odd years ago, he moans. His teeth sink deeper & you both gasp.

“Max…mmmm… Max… MAX!” You scream & let go of your desire. You clamp & soak him. It makes him pulse more & his teeth go even deeper & your body starts to convulse from overstimulation of everything. Your grip becomes less on him & he can sense this might be too much, but it’s also really turning him on. He’s so close. He wants to cum. One last sink of those teeth have you both hissing & he removes his fangs completely with the next thrust.

“Fuck” he growls spilling inside you, coating your walls. Making you go numb. An incredible high for him. But Max has mucked up. He’s not heeled your neck & your blood is still pumping faster than ever. It only takes him a few seconds to regain his sense but he then suddenly notices the white look on your face, slowly draining of colour & not just from the intense orgasm you’ve just had. Crimson is leaking from your neck.”oh fuck” in his fangs go again, to stem the flow. Their venom as he slowly withdraws them starts to heal you but he’s worried he’s done it too late. They drip into your blood stream & he raises an eye to check your still with him. He doesn’t want to turn you, not right now, but he knows if he had to he would. The last few drops of his venom drop onto your skin, sealing shut the holes, so it looks like all you have there are two spots. His breath is short, he’s panicked. Did he stop the flow in time? He looks deeply at you in hope that you will open your eyes & speak to him.

“Max” it’s a whimper as you lick your lips & come to from the most phenomenal sensation ever. Max sighs in relief.

“You okay baby?”

“Mmmmhmmmm yeaa I am, I’ve never felt so alive” your eyes connect & the frenzied kiss you receive makes you both tremble. He’s just happy he didn’t go too far in his excitement. He’s still inside you but softening.

“For a second I thought I’d lost you, & would have to delay our wedding due to turning you” he pants, his eyes are filled with love. No longer black or with a red shimmer but still large & brown.

“I’m glad you didn’t baby, that really was extraordinary” you can feel your body warm up again clearly he had drunk more than he should have, you cheeks start to colour. He holds you still so you don’t collapse as he pulls out of you & then rummages in your bag for a cloth. Usually that’s just used for blood spillage when he’s had a sudden urge to drink, but today it’s for other bodily fluids. He’s delicate as he cleans you. Despite you saying your okay he knows what he just did was a bit too much. As you both but your bottoms back on you can see in his eyes there still a concern.

“What’s the matter Max?” He does his belt up & sighs, before reply.

“You really were willing to let me drain you tonight to get your high werent you?”

“Yes Maxie, why do you think I consented”

“Wow” he says in admiration. He’s proud that you’d do anything for him. “& I didn’t even need to hypnotise you to do it”

“I have a confession Max, your hypnosis has never worked one me.” You giggle. You can feel when he tries to do it to you, especially at the start of your relationship. He’s not attempted it in ages. But nine times out of ten when he was suggesting you were down for anyhow.

“Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“Why is that an issue?”

“No!” He rubs the back of his head & pulls you in closes. “Vampire lore states that your true vampire bride wants what you do & doesn’t need persuasion” you beam back before you fling your arms around him.

“Oooh Max” it’s a soft kiss you plant on his lips before he then makes it deeper.”I love you baby”

“I love you more”

“Impossible”

“Try me” you both giggle before you kiss once more.

By the time you make your way back to the attractions most of the family’s have left. It’s now all adults & older teens hanging about. You then see an apple bobbing contest. It has a leader board with how many apples can be plucked in 2mins. The top score is 8. You see the look in Max eyes.

“Well” he says. You know his fangs & reflexes will help.

“Go on then Max”

“Ooh no your joining in too”

“What? No Max this is an easy win for you” I wink at him.

“See i think it’s going to be easier for you”

“Why?”

“Well let’s just say your bobbing & gag reflex are second to none” he says with a cheeky smile.

“Max!”

“What?! Just stating the truth baby”

“Hmmmm” you smirk & pay for both you entry’s. You then whisper to Max as you both get ready for the contest. “Do you think blow jobs will be better when I have fangs?” Max does a double take & then smiles.

“I have no idea sweetie” he takes off his coat & gets ready for his go.”but I can’t wait to find out” & so Max plunges his head into the ice water bucket. A score of 13 he gets, claiming first prize. Not that this discouraged you afterwards. Your own mouth meant you came in 2nd with a total of 10.

“That’s my good girl” Max says after your attempt, As he kisses you deeply. “My forever.”

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

~*~

1. pls help find a fic! it had a-yuan with lwj during his 3 year seclusion, and lwj was cold to lxc and lqr iirc. once lwj asks for a day out and they tell him itll lengthen his seclusion but a-yuan says 'no, itll be 3 years and one day', and then i think lxc himself asks lwj to come out but a-yuan demands that this day won't be added to the seclusion. there's also a scene where nmj runs into lwj carrying a-yuan, and lwj is very wary and protective? i hope i have the right details! thank you!!!

FOUND! Survival - Part Six by Jinko (G, 5k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, JYL Lives) is the fic in the "Survival" series by Jinko. The described scene is in fic "Survival - Part Six"

~*~

2. Hi! Thanks for existing 🖤 I'm looking for a fic I read a while back, I don't remember the specifics except that it was a LZ-centric fic, in which LZ comes to terms with his queerness and more generally who he is after meeting WY. This is going to be extremely specific but at some point LZ slowly begins to experiment with fashion, buying white, flowy designer pieces and trying on glitter eyeliner. I think NHS might be a designer too but I'm not sure... I really really hope someone sees what fic I'm talking about because this fic helped me so much. Thanks 🖤🖤🖤🖤

FOUND! For a Good Time, Call by ScarlettStorm (E, 170k, WangXian, Modern AU, Getting Together, Pining, Porn, like in the writing and also as a plot point, onlyfans au, repressed lwj, sex worker wwx, in this house we support sex work, Minor Angst, major shenanigans, hornt™, way too many details about onlyfans probably, mental health, therapy is good actually, Nonbinary NHS)

~*~

3. hi! i was wondering if you know the ao3 fic where wei wuxian is a ghost at ends up at xie lian’s shrine? and he’s stuck there at first with no memory but then decides to stay?

FOUND? Slumbering Soul by animewriter (M, 26k, wangxian, JC/NHS, SL/XXC, JYL/JZX, LXC/NMJ, reincarnation, ABO, dark LWJ, sick WWX, non-con drug use, comatose, coma, dark JGY, sleeping beauty elements, WIP)

~*~

4. Hiii, please can you help me find a fic. All i remember from it is that lwj was supportive of or atleast close to wwx someway and the jin were trying to get him to spy on wwx or turn against him. They were confident that the righteous hwj will not stand with the evil ylz and ofcourse they were dead wrong. Thats all i can recall...thank youuu.

FOUND? 💖 love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, immortal WWX, slow burn, pining, arranged marriages)

~*~

5. Hello! I am looking for a fic where Lwj is a prince of a kingdom and WWX is his companion who runs away right before lwj’s palace is raided. Lwj has to go on to the run and is forced to marry from one of the powerful sects for protection, and ends up marrying a grown WWX who is a leader of his sect in the BM and has a few adopted kids, a-yuan included. WWX has LWJ call him A-Xian to cover his identity but even in the first few chapters, Lwj was seeing similarities between his companion A-Ying and his new husband A-Xian. Any help would be appreciated, I’ve been going nuts trying to find this fic!

FOUND? pitiful destiny, point your finger at me by sassybluee (E, 66k, WangXian, Royalty, Yílíng Wèi Sect, Arranged Marriage, Pining while fucking, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Secret Identity, Under-negotiated Kink, Donghua YLLZ, CQL LWJ, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, Identity Porn, Porn With Plot, Resentacles, YL WWX, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)

~*~

6. Helloooooo, guys! I think this has been answered before. WWX wears LWJ's robes (during Cloud Recesses study era) as a prank and LWJ becomes like. really horny

FOUND? Fate Misnamed by incendir (T, 11k, WIP, WangXian)

~*~

7. Hi I'm looking for a fic - lwj calls wwx a liar and blames him for moving a vase? and wxx apologizes even though he didn't do it. @lunetteaurillane

FOUND? under my skin by wqngji (M, 3k, WangXian, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Established Relationship, Fights, Crying, Married Couple, Insecure WWX, Self-Worth Issues, Hurt WWX, Sex in a Car, Car Sex, Day At The Beach)

~*~

8. hi! first off, thank you so much for all work you do! And for the next fic finder can you help me find a wangxian fic, where mxy (wwx in mxy's body) is given to lwj as a "gift" from the emperor and he was trained ala concubine style. Cant remember too mucb else, except wwx acts very delicate bc of the training and lwj only finds out it is wwx at a later point in the fic. Thank you! @yuri-shibuya

FOUND! 梅花/plum blossoms by bunnxianluvsu (MooseFeels), MooseFeels (E, 20k, WangYu, WangXian, courtesan, power, Diplomacy, Pining, Grief/Mourning, Gender, just like the gender, this fic has Some Gender In It, Canon-Typical Discussion of Death, Canonical metion/discussion/depiction of suicide, Oral Sex, Cock Warming, Dressing, Service Top)

~*~

9. Hi! For the next fic finder, I'm looking for one where LWJ is a trans man and Lan yuan is wangxian's biological kid - basically they get together as high schoolers but LQR walks in on them having sex and gets angry and tells YZY, who straight up kicks WWX out. Later LWJ finds out he's pregnant but no one can find WWX so he's raising LSZ with LQR and LXC. Years later WWX is a famous musician or something like that, and when he comes back there he finds out about LSZ and they get back together. Thanks in advance!! @ilovechaats

FOUND! my heart to your beat by larkspur_9 (T, 16k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single Parent LWJ, Celebrity WWX, Trans Male Character, Trans LWJ, Fluff and Angst, (but mostly fluff), Kid Fic, WWX and LWJ are A-Yuan's biological parents)

~*~

10. Hello! Can you help me find this fic— lan qiren's soul was swap to wwx's. Something like lqr woke up he's already in the burial mound then wwx woke up in the cloud recesses. lqr found out about the dafan wens. its kinda fix-it, i think their souls was swap because of the incense burner(?) and i dont know if this is the same story or not, there's also a scene lqr questioned everyone in the burial mounds about the camp and to be sure that they're not cultivators, something like that. thank you very much! (ur blog is very helpful, thanks for ur effort) xoxo @httpskaixx

FOUND! Lan Qiren's Worst Day by bluesloth (G, 13k, LWJ & WWX, LQR & WWX, bodyswap, fix-it of sorts, humor, everyone lives au)

NOT FOUND! Judge Softly by Chrononautical (E, 32k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, LQR & WWX, accidental voyeurism, non-consensual mind reading, oblivious WWX, bamf WWX, genius WWX, post-canon Fix-it, angst w happy ending, LQR tries) lqr and wwx swap consciousness while wwx is off being a rogue cultivator and lqr hears wwx's memories, nightmares, and thoughts about himself.

~*~

11. Hi :) Thank you so much for everything you do, idk what I’d do without this blog! For the next fix finder I was wondering if anyone knew of a short fic where Lan Zhan asks Wei Ying to spend the holidays with him and his brother but when Lan Xichen meets him he mistakenly thinks that WY is using his brother and warns him off so he cancels and spends the holiday alone. LX realises his mistake when he see the Christmas gift WY made for his brother (it was a lamp with stars cut out).

FOUND? 💙 Twitter threadfic by @/hyacinthsu, also in AO3

~*~

12. Hello there!! Uh, I'm looking for this one fic where there's this glowy orb? appears in LQR's classroom and you can ask it questions about the future (it'll show visions as a response). It's set during the cloud recess lectures. If you could find it please, I would appreciate it very much! Thank you for this blog (i find that it is what i needed in my life) and for reading this, if you took the time out of your day to read it! Seriously, I can't thank you enough! Have a wonderful day (or night)!

FOUND? Yearning for Miles by Murahi (M, 378k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Slow burn, Mutual Pining, seeing the future) WWX finds the orb in his room and has visions with JC and NHS

FOUND? WangXianPrompt - So this is what the future looks like by Amaterasu_Susanno (Not Rated, 14k, WangXian, XuanLi, Getting Together, Seeing the future, Teaching, Love Confessions, Strange array (which is entierly Wei Ying's doing), Prompt Fic, Fix-It of Sorts, Fix-It, Implied Fix-It) It's an array that appears in LQR's classroom and answers questions about the future

~*~

13. im this close to giving up😩 do you happen to know a fic where WY and LZ are in an enemies-with-benefits sort of relationship but WY gets disowned by the jiangs and ends up in a really tight situation where he’s working 24/7 and looks super tired whenever he and LZ meet up. but LZ doesnt know whats going on, only knows that WY get thinner and thinner with every meeting so he tries to feed WY. at one point LZ calls whatever they have between them off and WY’s just like, “oh, okay. i knew this would happen its fine.” and LZ regrets blablabla

do you happen to know a fic like this🥺🥺💌

FOUND? Honesty is the Best Policy (Except if You’re an Asshole) by piecrust (E, 22k, WangXian, College AU, Porn with feelings, Angst)

~*~

14. Looking for a fic where Lan Wangji loses his leg after the burning of Cloud Recesses and Wei Wuxian makes him a prosthetic.

not FOUND Twitter threadfic by @/the_last_d_boy sounds like a twt thread i wrote actually! it's coming to ao3 next year

unfortunately it's not that one though I really loved reading yours also 😍 the other one is from canon era if I remember correctly

~*~

15. Lost a fic where Lan Wangji is a god, I think, and he takes on a challenge of sorts and ends up in Yiling stuck in a bunny form. He meets Wei Wuxian as a kid on the street, and I think Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan were there at some point, too.

FOUND? Wei Ying Picked Up A Bun-Ji by minfie (RevolvedAroundJeon), RevolvedAroundJeon (T, 1k, WangXian, Mythology, Chinese Mythology & Folklore, Bunny LWJ, Strangers to Lovers, Gods)

FOUND? Twitter threadfic by @/yumichanhamano

~*~

16. Hi! I hope everyone is doing ok!! I'm here asking for your help to find a fic, please. I remember it waa time travel, JC got back and found kid!WWC in Yiling, and somehow left him at BM. Then WQ, who also got back (JC doesn't know that yet) takes him to her parents, and I think he grows up as a Wen. They both visit him through the years, and I think even LWJ shows up at some point. JC sees himself die, because he fell from the boat after the attack to LP. Do you know it? Thanks, happy holidays!

~*~

17. Hi I'm looking for a fic where lan zhan fakes having hanahaki disease. He grows oleander flowers inside jingshi and stuffs the flowers inside his throat to throw up when he's distressed. He throws up flowers in a discussion conference i think.

Later Lan Xichen finds out he's growing the flowers himself and is faking the illness when he visits jingshi. But he goes with wangji's faking because he doesn't want his sect to lose face.

Wei ying is arranged to marry wangji not knowing his hanahaki isn't real.

I swear i read this fic not too long ago but can't remember the title to save my life. Help me please

FOUND! the sweet scent of their tragedy by HeavenlySkyfarer (E, 23k, wangxian, major character death, angst, politics, depression, hanahaki disease, language of flowers, love confessions, manipulation, marriage, mental health issues, pining, post-sunshot, rumors, unhealthy coping mechanisms, self-harm, pining, bittersweet, morally grey LWJ)

~*~

18. I have a question? I know you have a post about finding fics and I have been searching in my spare time for one specific one since it's on my mind again. Can not find it! I know it's a canon divergence after the first siege on the burial mounds. Wwx is forced mute and captured as a prisoner either with the Jins or Nies. The one true scene that I remember is Wwx keeping quiet about not having a golden core and everyone thinking hes still a cultivator so he should be fine with no eating or drinking. This basically almost kills him and forces Jiang Cheng to take him to lotus Pier where hes locked up with no one for company. Also the narrative is heavy Jin Ling! Thank you in advance! Will keep looking when I can! 💙❤💙❤💙❤ @skylar-lei1634

FOUND? ❤️ whipstitch by curiositykilled (M, 131k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Dysfunctional Family, Torture, WWX Lives, but basically no one else, Case Fic, Cultivation Sect Politics, Past Abuse, WWX Whump, YL WWX, JL Needs a Hug, JL Tries, Yunmeng Bro Reconciliation, Past Character Death, Body Horror, Non-Consensual Body Modification, POV Alternating, Flashbacks, Eventual Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Suicide Attempt, PTSD, Depression, Not A Fix-It, Mouth Sewn Shut) but it's locked to the archive so the requester will need an account to read it

~*~

19. Sorry for the trouble, but I once read a fic with background WangXian and main pairing: Jiang Cheng/Nie Huaisang. It was a humorous / crack-ish royalty AU wherein the Yunmeng trio were separated in the aftermath of the Lotus Pier invasion. Crown Prince Jiang Cheng finds himself in the Unclean Realm, where Second Prince Nie Huaisang has a vested interest in a boy he met years ago. He joins his family again with forces from the Unclean Realm to find that Wei Wuxian’s either engaged or married to Lan Wangji because he stole his forehead ribbon years ago in a tournament. Cue the canon-typical brotherly exasperation. It’s kingdom retaking, and there were crocodiles. I can’t remember the title, which is frustrating. I want to say it was “Jiang Cheng’s (or Jiang Wanyin’s) Guide to [something],” but I’m not sure.

FOUND! Your heart is the home I return to by jayjem_jam (M, 40k, WIP, ChengSang, Royalty, Undercurrent of violence, Serious AND comedic, Political Intrigue, Mistaken Identity, Magical Realism, badly hidden identity) The summary of this fic sounds promising for 19, but I haven’t read it so can’t be sure.

~*~

20. Hello! I’m looking for a fic that I think was a time travel fic but Wei Wuxian didn’t physically travel back. There was something about the yin iron shards iirc but I definitely remember WWx saying he got visions of some sorts to explain whatever happened when he arrived. I think it was a wip.

Unfortunately it's not the thing with feathers, the fic starts during cloud recesses arc, I think

not FOUND ❤️ the thing with feathers by RoseThorne  (G, 43k, wangxian, Transmigration, Time Travel Fix-It, Illnesses, Family, Scars, Memory Loss, Angst, Fear, Recovery, Sharing a Bed, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parent YZY, Referenced Sexual Slavery, Blood and Gore, Sexual Tension, Arranged Marriage, Grief, Adoption, POV Third Person, POV Alternating, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Good Parent LQR, Clairvoyance, Butterfly Effect) the last one sounds like it might be the thing with feathers defo not exact but Wei yings future knowledge is described as visions

FOUND? Yearning for Miles by Murahi (M, 378k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Slow burn, Mutual Pining, seeing the future)

~*~

[lyranova]

Mocha Dreams and Earl Grey Realities:

Chapter 1: An Awkward Reunion 3 Years in the Making

Summary: For the last 5 years William Vangeance’s life had been quiet and peaceful, he went to work at the Blackbird café, hung out with a few friends, and finally felt like life was going his way. Until one day when he receives a call from some old friends pleading for him to become the guardian of their 17 year old daughter Neva in order to protect her from an unknown danger.

And during this time, William’s peaceful life only becomes more loud and chaotic as he suddenly finds himself “responsible” for a woman named Zera Cassia after supposedly winning her in a poker game.

Meanwhile, after being in Witness Protection with his mother Ciel for the last few years of his life, Yuno Grinberryall is doing his best to live a “normal life”. However, he finds that it isn’t as easy as it seems, especially when he feels that he’s constantly being watched. But after meeting Neva Belmonte, who is in a similar position as him, he finds that he isn’t as alone as he first thought.

A/N: Hiya guys, I hope you’re all doing well! This is my contribution to @loosesodamarble ‘s Butler AU! That she’s set up 🥰 (which can be read HERE!)! I’ve had a lot of this plotted out/written since September, and I hope you all enjoy~! Also the poem William recites is one by Tao Qian 😁!

OC’s that’ll be mentioned in this AU: Solara Equinox (belongs to @/thoughtfullyrainynightmare), Josele Canty (belongs to @/loosesodamarble), Briar Rose (belongs to @/koneko-pi), and Acylla Rhine who belongs to @/faewraithsworld)!

Word Count: 3,367

Warning: This Series will Contain Mature Scenes and Themes throughout and each chapter will be labeled accordingly!

————

Whistles, shouts, and footsteps could be heard echoing throughout the Clover Train Station. Families traveling to and fro, people talking on their cell phones as they walked to their trains, people laughing with their friends as they waited. It was one of the busiest places in the city besides Main Street.

William quietly paced back and forth on the platform, the train he was waiting for had just pulled in, and now all he had to do was wait for the people to disembark the train. He watched as many different faces stepped off the train and onto the platform, but none of them were who he was waiting for.

He continued watching as he paced slowly, the sound of people chatting and the sound of his own thoughts steadily drowned out the sound of his dress shoes clicking against the stone floor of the station. What if he was at the wrong platform, and she was sitting there waiting for him? What if he had the wrong time? Or what if he was at the wrong station entirely?

He shook his head, no, he had everything right. He had asked Idalia multiple times earlier that day, and he even wrote it down, so surely this was the right place! Maybe she just hadn’t gotten off the train yet? Or maybe, no, could they have missed each other?!

William groaned as he slumped forward, this was his first time being in charge of someone, and he had already screwed it up!

Suddenly, he felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned around and saw the person he was waiting for.

Neva Belmonte. His ‘little sister’ as he jokingly liked to refer to her as since they looked so similar, despite not being related, and had known each other since she was a small child.

“ Oh, you’re here. Did you have a good trip?” William asked as he quickly took her bags from her, and the young girl nodded.

“ I did,” She told him softly as she let him take her bags. “ It’s been a while since I’ve been on a train, it was nice.” She added as she looked around the train station.

The two stood there a bit awkwardly. Neva was usually a quiet and soft-spoken person, but it seemed to be even more pronounced now that she was in a new environment.

“ You got taller.” He said, trying his best to break the awkward tension between them. Neva nodded.

“ 3 Years will do that.”

“ R-Right, of course,” William agreed with a nervous laugh.

William had been friends with Neva’s parents ever since he was around 16 years old. They happened to meet by chance when he started working at Idalia, Neva’s mothers, bakery. The couple had kind of adopted him as one of their own after that. Even though Julius was his father figure and main benefactor, the Belmonte’s also took care of him. They were like…an Aunt and Uncle of sorts. While Neva was more like a little sister.

But due to him being busy with his work, the last time he had seen Neva was when she was around 14 years old, when William had gotten his new apartment with his friend and co-worker Yami Sukehiro. He had invited Neva’s family to Clover so they could see his new living space and also spend some time together before the family went back to their hometown.

“ Shall we go? I’m sure you’re hungry and tired after the trip.” William asked, and Neva nodded.

The two began to quietly make their way out of the train station, steadily maneuvering through the sea of people. Until they finally made it outside, where they were slightly blinded by the bright afternoon sunlight.

William frowned, it was mid-morning when he arrived…he suddenly looked at his watch and gasped.

It was 11:30…and his shift at the Blackbird was supposed to start at 12!

“ Neva, I know you’re tired, and I’m sure you just want to go to the apartment and rest, but my shift at work is about to start. Is it alright if you come with me and hang out there for the afternoon? I’m only working part-time today, so I should be done by 6.” He told her, and the young girl nodded.

“ Yeah, that’s fine,” She agreed softly. “ Although you could just give me directions and I can walk to your apartment by myself…” She added as she began to follow him down the street towards the café.

She had a point, he could have done that, but he had strict instructions from her parents that he was not to let her go anywhere alone unless it was to his café or his apartment after school.

Why? Because Neva was in danger.

Currently, Neva believed she was being transferred because Clover Academy was better than the high school in Drysor and that going to Clover Academy would help her future. But in reality, she was being transferred due to threats being made against her. At first her parents had believed that maybe it was someone from her school playing pranks, but slowly the letters became more and more unhinged. Because of that, Idalia called William and begged him to take her in as his ward and keep her safe, hoping that maybe if Neva left the city she would be safer.

“ Please keep my Little Diamond safe.”

William sighed softly as Idalia’s words echoed in his head. How could he have said no to a mother's desperate plea? Honestly, even if she hadn’t asked him to take Neva in, he probably would have offered anyway.

Her safety and security was the most important thing.

“ What’s going on across the street?” Neva asked softly as her eyes drifted to her right. After being pulled out of his thoughts, William turned to his right as well.

Across the street, there were various boxes and furniture sitting in front of the empty store, along with what appeared to be vases and flowers. The sign above the store was covered with a big white sheet, and there appeared to be people moving around inside.

“ It looks like a new shop’s moving in across the street.” William muttered as he watched various young women walk out of the shop, pick up various items from the street and inside the box truck, before they happily walked back into the empty store.

“ What do you think it’ll be?” Neva asked, her soft voice holding a curious tone in it. He hummed from beside her.

“ I’m not sure. It could be a clothing store, or maybe an antique shop? We’ll only find out for sure once it opens.” He told her with a small smile before he patted her shoulder. “ We’re here. You go on inside, I have to go in through the back, so I can change into my uniform.”

“ Your uniform?” Neva asked with a frown, and he nodded.

“ Yes, unlike when I worked at your parent's bakery, I can’t just wear my normal clothes. We have to wear uniforms in order to keep with the café’s themes.” He explained before he turned and began to walk down the alley next to the café.

“ ‘Theme’? What kind of café is this?” Neva muttered as her gaze slowly drifted from the door to the sign above the door that read ‘The Blackbird Café’ in beautiful cursive with the image of a small blackbird.

Just what kind of place was it? Was it maybe one of those animal themed cafés where they had dogs, cats, and exotic animals?

She shook her head, there was only one way to find out, and that was by going inside.

As the platinum blonde haired woman walked inside, a young man with dark black hair, amber eyes, and a serious expression walked out of the alley way and onto the street.

———

Neva’s purple eyes widened as she stood inside the café. The design appeared to be European inspired. Men walked around wearing crisp suits, the furniture was made of varnished wood and held an assortment of fancy tea sets, table mats, and china. As her gaze drifted up the ceiling, she could see the main dining area was lit up by a beautiful glass work chandelier. She instantly looked down at her pair of jeans, sneakers, and light purple top. She felt completely under dressed.

“ Hello, and welcome to the Blackbird,” A voice said calmly from beside her, she quickly turned to the side and saw a much taller man in a crisp but slightly more casual suit. His dark hair was a bit messy, and he had a bit of a stubble mustache and beard, but he didn’t look unkempt or ‘too casual’. “ Is it just you, or will someone else be arriving later?”

“ Um, just me…” Neva said with a small frown as her eyes scanned the café in search of William.

“ Hey, you’re Johnathan’s kid sister, right? Uh…Nina isn’t it?” He asked, a confused frown appearing on his face.

“ It’s Neva…” She corrected, and the man quickly nodded and scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

“ Ah, that’s right, my bad. It was hard to understand Johnathan’s blubbering when he talked about you.” The man said with a small chuckle, and it was Neva’s turn to frown.

“ You keep mentioning ‘Johnathan’, but I don’t know anyone with that name.” She said with a confused tone, but he shook his head.

“ Yeah you do, it’s that guy right there,” He said as he jerked a thumb over his shoulder, Neva looked and saw William standing in the kitchen area talking to another man with shoulder-length silver hair. “ Here at the Blackbird we don’t use our real names, we go by alias’s instead as a safety precaution. You can call me Alexander, but I’m sure Johnathan will tell you my real name when you two leave.” He added as he crossed his arms.

“ Since it’s your first time at the café, I’ll take you to Johnathan’s section.” He told her as he stepped aside, extended his hand out towards the dining area, and bowed a bit.

“ This way, my lady,” He said, his tone and demeanor quickly switching from casual mode to work mode. “ I’ll guide you to your seat and ensure that no harm comes to you.” He added, and the woman blinked.

What…on earth was going on? This was strange to say the least. But for now she would go with it.

“ Um…thank you?” She said, her tone slightly hesitant, but she slowly began to walk towards the booth that ‘Alexander’ had pointed at. As they walked, he stayed close to her, but not so close that she felt uncomfortable. Whenever something got in her way or nearly bumped into her, ‘Alexander’ moved the object or blocked it.

What kind of café was this?

She slid inside the booth and muttered a soft ‘thank you’ as he handed her a menu, he told her that her ‘butler’ would be there shortly and she nodded. She looked at the menu and as she stared at the cover, her purple eyes narrowed at the small bit of text just underneath the café’s name.

‘Butler Café’.

Neva blinked a few times as she read that small bit of text over and over again, before she let out a quiet groan and rested her head against the table. Now it all made sense; the outfits, the ‘waiters’ demeanor, all of it!

“ Is something the matter, my lady? You sound troubled.” A voice said from beside her, and she slowly turned and raised her head slightly to see William, or ‘Johnathan’, standing there with a calm but slightly concerned look on his face.

“ It’s nothing. I’m just now realizing that this is a butler café, I’m such an idiot.” Neva groaned as she lowered her head onto the table again.

“ If I may, you are far from an idiot, my lady. You’re just tired from your long journey, that’s all.” He told her before a soft hum escaped him. “ Maybe a small poem will help my lady feel better?”

Neva raised her head completely and blinked.

“ A-A poem?” She asked in surprise, and ‘Johnathan’ nodded as a soft chuckle escaped him.

“ Yes. In order to shorten the wait for my mistresses and masters teas and meals, I try to provide them with a bit of entertainment.”

“So…it’s a gimmick?”

“ I wouldn’t call it a gimmick-.”

“ But it’s a gimmick.”

“ If that’s what my lady wants to call it, then we shall call it a gimmick.” ‘Johnathan’ said with a sigh and shake of his head. “ Would my lady like to hear one while she waits for her tea and meal?”

Neva hummed unsurely, whenever she heard poems or listened to poetry she was always reminded of a very…vexing person back in Drysor. He always liked to recite poetry while being as vague as possible about the meanings when speaking to people, and it irritated her. Why not just be direct and less…odd? Wouldn’t it be easier to just tell people what you wanted to tell them, instead of telling them through riddles and poems that they most likely won’t understand?

“ My lady? Are you alright?” ‘Johnathan’ asked, the worried look returning to his purple eyes again, and Neva nodded.

“ Y-Yeah, I’m alright,” Neva said quickly. “ And sure you can tell me a poem…although I have a feeling I’m going to regret this.” She muttered the last part under her breath, and ‘Johnathan’ nodded.

And regret it she did.

“ I built my hut in a zone of human habitation,

But near me there sounds no noise of horse or coach.

Would you know how that is possible?

A heart that is distant creates a wilderness round it.

I pluck chrysanthemums under the eastern hedge,

Then gaze long at the distant summer hills.

The mountain air is fresh at the dusk of day:

The flying birds two by two return.

In these things there lies a deep meaning;

Yet when we would express it, words suddenly fail us.”

As ‘Johnathan’ finished reciting his poem, he blinked in surprise as Neva cringed and covered her ears slightly. Was…the poem not good?

“ Please don’t do that again.” She groaned as she looked away, and he tilted his head as he saw her shoulders tremble slightly.

“ Was that poem unsatisfactory? Would you prefer a different one?” He asked, and he watched her quickly shake her head as her shoulders trembled more.

At first, William had thought that maybe she was crying, but as he looked at the reflection of her face in the window, he saw that wasn’t the case. Her cheeks were red, and her hand was over her mouth, it looked as though she were trying to stifle her laughter.

She was laughing at him…

He hummed a bit, maybe this was a better way to break the ice between them.

“ Since that poem wasn’t to your liking, might I tell you a different one?” He asked, amusement entering his voice and appearing on his face. Neva quickly shook her head as she turned to face him.

“ T-That’s okay-!” She tried to say, but he shook his head and began to recite another poem despite her protests.

“ Should we try to stop them?” ‘Alexander’ asked his boss, Nero, and she shook her head.

“ Just let them be for now. We aren’t busy and there aren’t many customers right now. So just let them be, if they get too rowdy, or we get a big lunch rush, then you’re allowed to step in.” Nero said as she looked at Neva cringing in the booth as William continued to recite poem after poem. Making everyone watching either laugh in amusement, or roll their eyes in annoyance.

Meanwhile, inside the ‘empty’ store across the street, an ash-blonde haired woman watched the two with a curious gaze through her shop window.

“ I wonder what’s going on over there.” She mumbled curiously, and the young black haired man with amber eyes came to stand beside her.

“ No idea.” He said bluntly, making the woman beside him chuckle.

“ Ooh, I see, since you’re no longer on the clock it isn’t your worry or concern?”

“ Exactly.”

“ Wow, that's kind of cold.” The woman giggled, and the young man sighed.

“ I guess. Can I leave now?” He asked as he turned away from the window, and the woman shook her head.

“ Nope! Your mom promised me that you would help me out here until 3, and that’s what you’re going to do!” The woman said with a bright grin, and the man sighed.

“ Isn’t that called exploiting a child for free labor?”

“ You call it ‘exploiting a child for free labor’, I call it a ‘friendly favor’!”

“ Unbelievable.”

“ Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to pay you in food!” The woman said with a giggle as she handed him another box. “ But first, you gotta earn it!”

—----

Later that evening, 6pm.

“ Thank you for the meal, and for letting me stay here until Johnathan’s shift is over.” Neva quietly told Nero as she stood at the counter and waited for William, the other lady nodded.

“ You’re welcome, anyone that’s a friend or family member of my butlers is welcome here, and judging by how many dessert plates you had today I think you’ll be coming here often.” She said with a ghost of a smile as she looked at the small plates being cleared from her table.

“ Ah…yeah, I think I might be.” Neva admitted with a sheepish chuckle, and she turned when she felt someone tap her shoulder.

“ Are you ready to go?” William asked as he stood there, and she quickly nodded. “ Goodnight Ms. Nero.”

“ Goodnight Johnathan, Neva. Be safe on your way home.” Nero said softly, her eyes not looking up from the pile of receipts in her hand.

The two nodded before leaving the café.

They quietly walked together down the street, the awkward tension that was there earlier between them seemed to have dissipated since they were now talking and laughing a bit more comfortably like they did years ago.

“ Isn’t your apartment this way?” Neva asked as she went to turn left but William kept walking straight.

“ It is, but we’re not going to my apartment,” William told her, and began to explain as she frowned. “ I live with someone, Yami, I mean Alexander, to be exact. I thought it might be uncomfortable for you to live with a stranger so I got us a different apartment.” Neva nodded slowly.

“ That makes sense. But you could have just stayed at your place and I could have gotten a dorm room at the academy-.” Neva began, but he shook his head quickly.

“ It’s alright I don’t mind. Besides, your parents insisted on you living with me, and frankly I insisted as well.” He told her, and her frown deepened.

“ Why?”

“ Because you’re in a new, and much bigger, city that can be quite dangerous. So it’s a way for us to keep you safe.”

“ You’re all way too overprotective.” Neva muttered with a small sigh and shake of her head, but she didn’t argue, and started walking straight ahead.

William sighed in relief. While it wasn’t a complete lie, it wasn’t fully the truth either.

“ Whatever happens, you cannot let Neva know about this. Please, William, it’s for her own protection!”

He quickly shook his head as Idalia’s words echoed in his head again. While he didn’t really agree with keeping this from Neva, he also didn’t want to tell her about it either…

There really was no good way to go about this.

“ Are you coming? I don’t know the way to the apartment and I need to get some sleep if I want to go to school tomorrow!” Neva shouted as she noticed that William wasn’t following her.

“ Ah right, sorry. I’m coming!” He shouted back as he began to walk quickly towards her.

For now he wasn’t going to worry about whether he should tell her the real reason she was here or not, instead he would focus on making sure Neva was safe, happy, and comfortable in Clover just like he promised her parents.

————

Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you all have a good day~!

[loremaster]

i need u to know tht im thinking abt ur boba au SO much like actually. im so looking forward to wht u hav in store for it.. makes me think abt the ch0 crew a lot more than i probs would without it lol esp abt melami and how using her forte would work in kanai.. if they tried speaking to a victim through her how would that go.. since they dont actually die theres no ghost to talk to now is there… or would their originals soul turn up instead if she got their clothes .. and ofc the question whether she would also see shinigami and stuff.. many thoughts

this message was a treat to wake up to!! (don’t ask why i slept so long in the middle of the day shhh) glad to hear you’re so excited to see what’s next, I am too

and sorry that chapter 2 is taking so long, there are a couple reasons why:

1. life happens, I got busy with the first semester of school wrapping up, and then a busy holiday season

2. i’m showing my partner a playthrough of the game (slowly but surely) so they can understand what’s been driving me insane over the past half a year. good news: he likes yakou :) we’re on chapter 2 now so i’ve been waiting to have that fresher in my memory before writing/drawing the new version (well, some of it’s already done. but most of it)

3. until then (amidst other projects) I have been working on writing the later chapters where things start to go off the rails from the existing story a bit. @growling made a really excellent point recently that with the train crew alive, that’s kinda too many characters to juggle. and it’s true! putting a bunch of extra moving pieces in the story does complicate it quite a bit WHICH IS WHY i’ve been working on adding an extra chapter. well, two extra chapters actually. one i’m calling chapter 2.5 (which is a little side story like the dlcs) and one i’m calling chapter 5 - which is an entirely new mystery that happens before the canon chapter 5 - which will turn into chapter 6. the new ch5 is actually mostly written now and i’m so so so so so pleased with it >:)

[nymphfette]

btw- I’ve been doing better with my health 💖 autoimmune issues/thyroid issues and pcos all made extremely worse by stress- ptsd and also the other way around. Just a vicious cycle I was in. Still am in but have made a lot of progress since I was first dealing with absolute daily hell that started about a year or so ago.

Oh and I was also diagnosed with agoraphobia. Ive had PTSD for a few years now but the recent health issues obviously made it worse and so I developed agoraphobia :))))) it got so bad, I would barely leave my house (my safe safe) for longer than an HOUR at time, once a day. Couldn’t be on a car ride for longer than 10 minutes without freaking out, hyperventilating, heart beating out of my chest, sweating my ass off and sometimes puking my guts out. I was terrified to get in a car and if I had to go somewhere that I knew was a long car ride (10 mins or more) id have such a hard time. And there were times were I’d be doing alright on a longer ride, like 30 mins and I’d think I was like 20 mins in and there was only 10 more minutes I had to go and I’d look at google maps and see there was 15 minutes instead of 10 minutes…..I’d genuinely lose it. Over 5 extra minutes. Genuinely freak out. It was hell. It was no way to live.

I still am struggling with it but I’ve been trying really hard to get better. Health wise- I have a lot of it under control. I barely have flare up attacks anymore. My hypothyroidism is in check. My pcos symptoms are still a bit haywire but I’m working on that, the priority was the autoimmune and thyroid and the just constant inflammation all over. Everywhere. My wbc is only about 1000 over normal right now which is Iike nothing compared to what it was and is a huge improvement. Medications and supplements I’m on have been a big help along with the autoimmune protocol diet- it’s a VERY strict diet and I did it for a few months and once it helped get things in check, I was able to slowly introduce a more “normal” diet into my life but still keeping away from gluten and added sugars, too much starch and too much dairy.

So yeah my health health has gotten a lot better and I’ll continue to work on it keep it that way. My mental health is better as well- like, now I can go out for like 3 hours a day without losing my mind and can do like 30 minute car rides before I start to have bad panic attacks and agoraphobia attacks. I know that still sounds bad but compared to what it was…… barely could do 10 mins…. 5 mins being the preferred… it’s a huge improvement. Still have bad PTSD/Agoraphobia attacks here and there and My autistic burnout and sensory issues and then like general anxiety is still very high but again, it has been improved and I’m continuing to work on it.

I’ve been given the okay to go back to work but work from home job like I’ve done before. I can’t work outside my home right now without putting all the exposure therapy and DBT and work and etc etc at risk, I’m not ready for that yet, and I agree with my dr. That will come in time.

SO, the past month I’ve been looking for remote/work from home positions and man, I’ve been having a rough time, and before had health issues and stuff and was off work and stuff a year or so ago, I had lots and lots of experience and my resume for the telehealth and benefits customer support field is great. I know I’m a great candidate, have great references and I never ever had an issue finding a job before, let alone getting an interview. I know the past few months I’ve been hearing ppl in my country Canada especially talk about how hard it is to get a job right now and man, they weren’t kidding were they?

It sucks I have a limit on what I can do right now…..and I really want to get back to work not only to help myself and get back into a normal life and routine but also bc financially, the income I receive through disability literally covers my BASE BASE BASE needs and that’s it, and I mean that’s fucking it. Of course im thankful I have that bc when I was waiting for it when I first got really sick, that was not easy. That was hell but it would be nice to have a LITTLE bit of pocket money to be able to buy a couple things for myself now and then, you know? I can’t even get my skincare products for my skincare routine I’ve had for years and years anymore :((( & they weren’t crazy expensive products lmao. All of the products in the routine probably totalled like hmm MAX $80 and I’d only need to replace them like every 3 months??? So yeah lol. & also, it’s fall now and I need a new fall coat and I can’t even go to the thrift store and get like a $30 peacoat (which is what I want lol- I love my peacoats) SO YEAH, I WANT A JOB AGAIN!!! & working in the contact center field for telehealth or benefits, was a decent job. Perfectly suited to my needs and even more so now, so yeah- I hope I’ll be hearing back from someone soon!!!

[randomvarious]

1997 London Playlist

Alright, folks, I'm taking a little blog vacation after I post this small late 90s London playlist update. I'll have some fun, nostalgic videos that'll be posted throughout the week, but I'm not gonna be writing anything. So, stay tuned for those.

This week, I added a little bit of much-needed jungle diversity to this 1997 London playlist that I've slowly been building up, with a song called "Searchers," by a guy named Pearl.

Pearl is the alias of Phil Earle, a UK drum n bass and jungle producer who also happens to own a little label called Law & Auder, who were known for putting out these cutting-edge, abstract, and experimentally themed double-disc various artists comps throughout the late 90s and early 2000s. Earle has never made a solo release of his own, despite being around since the early 90s, but he has made tracks for several various artists comps, including ones for his own Law & Auder label.

But "Searchers" doesn't come off of any of his L&A releases; instead, I found it on a quadruple-disc comp that I’ve been posting about for weeks now, from budget UK label Dressed to Kill, called Amberdelic Space II: Angel of Ecstasy, which isn’t very good, overall, but definitely has a solid handful of quality tunes on it, including this one.

And "Searchers" is simply a super underheard, next level journey that, very remarkably, seems to use only jungle breaks to form its beats. That means that, rather than getting a simple beat of a drum in order to serve as a single beat—like how virtually every song in the world with a drum works—you're getting a slice of a jungle break instead. And while that ends up making it such a fantastic track, this one still only has ~1,600 plays on Spotify!

Pearl - "Searchers"

This playlist is also on YouTube and YouTube Music.

So, as it currently stands, we're now at 11 songs that end up totaling 72 minutes on Spotify and 18 songs that total 2 hours and 5 minutes on YouTube. And the YouTube playlist has a bunch of goodies on it that you can't find on Spotify, like a couple stunners from who I think might be the most underrated IDM artist of all time, Freeform, a little downtempo, a little future jazz, a couple trance bangers, a Fatboy Slim re-work of Groove Armada's spectacular "At the River," which blends in some of the drums from Underworld's classic "Born Slippy," and a hard-to-find, blissfully bouncy house remix of Wildchild's "Renegade Master," by the duo of Stretch N' Vern. Simply put, you're not gonna find another playlist out there that's quite like this one. A lot of obscure, forgotten, underground heat here 😊.

And if you want more London playlists by year, check these out too:

1994 London: YouTube / YouTube Music 1998 London: YouTube / YouTube Music 1999 London: YouTube / YouTube Music

Enjoy!

More to come, eventually. Stay tuned!

Like what you hear? Follow me on Spotify and YouTube for more cool playlists and uploads!

[oldfashionedmorphine]

⭐Mike's dynamic with Will and how it progresses and or the head space he's in in iawwoyh. You write everyone so well and I really love how you write Mike in particular. If you'd rather delve into the playlist for this fic instead that would be interesting to hear about too! No pressure to answer.🤎

thank you! <3 always shocked when i get compliments about how i write mike (and others) because i’m constantly wondering if i’m getting them right lol

i think one of the fun things about “i’m a wreck (without you here)” (despite it being soooooo depressing at times) is that it’s a slice of life with some flashbacks, so we get to see mike’s life throughout the years, from as young as 5 all the way up to 33…it’s definitely a challenge to depict how he changes after everything he’s been through too…how would he move forward as a person if he didn’t seek therapy after canon events? and what would it look like if it remained unaddressed?

basically mike goes from being someone who cared about excelling in school with ambitious goals for his future to someone who stopped seeing the point (i kinda piggybacked off of canon behavior—his acting out in school in season 2 and his C in spanish in season 4…and then made it worse in the fic because he has a major lack of focus plus extreme low self worth/undiagnosed depression) and what this leads to is him slowly starting to isolate himself, especially after high school ends. it didn’t help that he was struggling with his feelings for will, which the problems between them mainly started when will began to distance himself from mike first (because will was trying to protect his own heart, thinking mike was straight) and meanwhile mike didn’t know what to do about that—he felt rejected without ever making his feelings known, and so he constantly puts himself down, believing he isn’t attractive enough, and then he ends up jealous of every boyfriend will ever has—again he never makes his feelings known to will (like come on, mike…how would will know you’re interested if you don’t say anything and stay stuck in the closet??)

but things with his father reach a boiling point and he snaps and flees hawkins and because of that, it becomes the “final straw” for will (they hadn’t been as close by that point, but it was enough for will to feel like he had to cut him off) and of course…mike didn’t take that well and ends up stuck on their falling out for years—he tries to move on, but he’s never successful and in between all of that he starts developing an addiction to alcohol because it helps numb the pain of his unrequited love and his disappointment with life because it didn’t turn out the way he once thought it would’ve…

which it’s a horrible coping mechanism and his alcohol abuse has gradually gotten worse over the past decade and nancy’s sudden death has quite frankly pushed him over the edge to where he’s finally reached bottom…because as much as mike would’ve liked reuniting with will and having his love returned to be the main answer to all his problems, it isn’t—mike definitely has to be the one to save himself, but it does help having will back in his life.

oh and that playlist…what can i say? haha! it’s super long (currently 11 hours…but in my defense i’ve been adding to it for over a year) and i’m extra picky about the songs—all songs are 2004 or older…the lyrics either fit the chapter in some way or it’s a song that mike listens to or hears in the background at some point during the chapter.

ps: i have like maybe 4-5 more chapters to write plus an epilogue for this story—it’s almost finished! i’m currently dealing with some writer’s block again, but i’m sure it’ll pass soon 🥲

[adacatlovelace]

I have a bunch of unorganized thoughts about TF2 and here they are

1. TF2 is in a weird spot where it feels “Abandoned” despite having been given more support for much longer than most games

2. It was absolutely not planned for it to have as many content updates as it did. It was released during an era before consistent content updates were really a thing unless your game had a subscription model. You’d release a multiplayer game, maybe do a couple updates here and there to keep people buying, then move onto the next game you’re working on, and the games community would keep it alive with custom maps, gamemodes and whatever the hell else. With the absolute explosion of popularity that TF2 had, Valve decided to continually update it and slowly transition to the Free to Play model (Was actually one of the first games to have microtransactions and loot boxes.) Which has slowly become the model for most multiplayer games nowadays where developers will add content updates while making money off of microtransactions. 

3. There has been a gradual corrosion of the community’s involvement. Earlier in its life there were community servers, which could be moderated, but the introduction of Quickplay just about killed off most vanilla servers, as new players would be sent to big server farms that use advertisements in their MOTD and then roll the profits into buying more servers, which meant more revenue, and while the fanbase begged Valve to do something about this plugin so that they didn’t have an ad shoved in their face, Valve turned around and were publicly taken steps to support it. While this was happening, community servers without a specific draw to them like custom gamemodes were deprived of fresh players until they died out. I’ve had people tell me that quickplay was great, but I personally watched this happened. It absolutely boggles me, and my only possible explanation is that matchmaking is so bad that it made a button that would likely just put you in a skial server as its best case scenario seem good in comparison.

4. Most of TF2′s current big problems is caused by this, and I personally believe that abolishing any sort of matchmaking would fix this issue. Hackers? Moderators. Toxicity? Moderators. Lack of updates? Theres a whole world of community maps out there, and you can play more than just the 5 or so added twice, possibly three times a year. 

5. I hate the loss of the experience that community servers have. I cannot stress enough how big of a deal it was to be able to play with a specific group of people just by hopping on a server. Im having trouble putting into words the loss I feel now having every game always filled with strangers that I’ll likely never see again, instead of hopping on my server of choice and chatting with people who weren’t outright friends but familiar faces, like having a bar you frequent. I feel more isolated than ever now that the usual state of multiplayer games is wrangling what friends you already have  IF they have that game.

6. I can’t say for sure, but my guess is thats why people feel so disheartened about TF2 nowadays. Its a hollow experience compared to what it used to be and without the constant shot in the arm that updates serve to be, people are growing disillusioned. Even before CS:GO, CS 1.6 fans never complained about the lack of updates, and TF2 lost that foundation as it slowly changed into the modern games as a service model where if a game goes 1 month without an update its considered dead. 

7. I used to love Valve, like to a ridiculous degree. But then I saw them introduce pay for cosmetics in a game that already had a price tag. Then I saw them add lootboxes, which even back then I knew were predatory. Then I saw them try to monetanize mods (People roast bethesda for that but Valve had their hands in the cookie jar just as much). Yes they are a company, yes their main focus is profit, but they outright pioneered so much bad that now has become the horrible standard in the current industry.

[bonesandthebees]

The reason im in pain is because of my ear. It hurts rlly bad on like the inside of my ear, and I literally can barely focus on anything else it is so painful. Also everything I hear on that ear is muted(?) it is like how you hear when there is water in your ear but to a higher degree. But I am trying to distract myself with YouTube rn and it's semi working lol.

Also dang I can barely find the motivation to brush my teeth yet your over here with a whole 5 step skincare routine wish I could do that lol but I am too broke to afford anything rn maybe eventually

-🌼

Oh that sounds awful daisy anon!! Is it an ear infection? I haven’t had one of those since I was a little kid but it kind of sounds like that to me

Also I get the not having motivation to even brush your teeth thing. Tbh the skincare kick I’ve been on is a VERY recent development. Like, I didn’t start washing my face twice a day until late last year lol. Once I started doing that, I was just using face wash and moisturizer. I started incorporating skincare products in very slowly one at a time, mostly bc I was sick of dealing with acne. I just tried to form habits with my skincare and added more products as time went on

There’s also no need to have a lengthy skincare routine. I do recommend people try to wash their face at least once a day bc it really helps you feel cleaner, and use moisturizer with spf because sun damage is an important thing to avoid!! But those are really the only ‘essentials’ for skincare. Adding more stuff is entirely up to you and your skin needs

And if you ever are interested the skincare industry has become a lot more affordable in the past few years! Bc I’m still relatively new to skincare myself, most of the products I’ve gotten are very affordable bc I didn’t wanna buy something expensive and not end up using it. Affordable as in only 2 things in my routine were over $20 (my face moisturizer which was $24 I think, and the night mask which I don’t remember how much it was but it was my splurge item). The majority of my stuff is actually under $10!

(Side note if anyone ever wants recs I will gladly give them I just find skincare stuff really interesting and like researching it all)

I hope your ear feels better soon!!