#which I didn’t get that luxury the first watch-thru

[a-spacecadet]

Is it just me or did it seem that Confucius lost the whole “trying to be a social media influencer and obsessed with his phone” part of him in s3? 🤔

I didn’t quite think about it before but watching s2 and s3 back to back it feels like there’s this weird disconnect in how he’s portrayed….like tbh he is NOT the same character in both seasons…which idk maybe that comes from him having more development later on, which I like (!) but still

[epinebleue]

love me now (m) | 05

in which you go for a night drive.

pairing: johnny suh x reader (female)

genre: established relationship!au, mature.

warnings: explicit sexual content, unprotected sex (reader’s on the pill), car sex, mention of past toxic relationships.

chapter index

Most times, Friday nights are pretty lively.

Sometimes, you go to your favorite club, whose owner is a good friend of yours. If you’re not in the mood for clubbing, you order pizza and watch a movie before making out on the couch.

But today is different. You’re bored as hell, having lost all interest in the movie you’re supposed to be watching. Johnny must feel the same, because when you turn to look at him, he’s scrolling through his Instagram feed aimlessly with one hand, caressing your leg with the other.

“Why don’t we go out?” He suddenly says, blocking his phone and leaving it on the coffee table.

“I don’t feel like partying.”

“I didn’t mean to party.” He corrects. “Something like a night drive.”

That sounds much better, so you accept right away. You pick something comfortable, not bothering to glance at the rest of the clothes in your wardrobe. When you reach the entrance, you see that Johnny has chosen something sporty, too. He grabs his keys from the keyholder next to the intercom, opening the door for you.

“Why don’t we get McDonald’s?”

You’re unable to contain your excitement, smiling as you get in the elevator, and pushing the parking button. Johnny grabs your cheeks and kisses your forehead so delicately that you think you’ll melt in his arms.

“Anything for you, babe.”

You sit on the passenger seat, immediately demanding the aux cord. Johnny doesn’t even fight it, knowing it’ll be a waste of time. It’s a fact that you’re in charge of the music when you travel by car. It’s also a fact that won't change anytime soon.

The car starts moving, and Johnny drives towards the nearest McDonald’s.

The song you’ve chosen plays softly in the background as you observe the streetlights through the window.

“How come we’ve never done this before?” 

Johnny simply shrugs, eyes fixed on the road ahead. “Maybe it wasn’t the right time yet.”

“Wow.” You nod, feigning being impressed. “Deep.”

You open the window on your side, the night breeze hitting your face. You cross your arms over the window, your eyes drawn to the city lights that seem endless.

New York’s beauty is truly hypnotizing.

This is the city where you were born and raised; where you studied; in which you met most of your friends. It’s the city that gave you Johnny, and that makes it much more special. 

Johnny pulls into the drive-thru, steering the wheel with his palm. The technique makes your stomach tingle. He always looks so hot while driving, you could watch him for hours.

There’s only one car in front of you, so they prepare your order rather quickly. To be honest, you’ve been craving a burger, fries, and ice cream for a while, so you don’t hold yourself back. You’ll eat everything, even if it means having a stomachache later. It’ll have been worth it.

You pay, then move to the parking lot. You give Johnny his burger, which is huge, and fish for your fries at the bottom of the bag.

“I remember that when I was little,” Johnny says, “I celebrated my birthday at McDonald’s. They even gave me a paper crown.”

“That’s what I call luxury.”

“Mom sent me the photo yesterday.”

Johnny takes his phone out of his pocket, scrolling down the gallery until he finds said picture. A big smile crosses your face when he shows it to you.

Johnny couldn’t be more than six years old. His round face is the first thing you notice. Then, you look at his mom, who is holding him in her lap. She looked so pretty with her short hair and dark lipstick. In all honesty, she hasn’t changed much. They’re both wearing a paper crown shaped like a clown.

“Your mom’s so beautiful.”

“What about her son?”

He leans forward, brushing your cheek with the tip of his nose.

“He’s even more beautiful.”

Johnny kisses you, satisfied with the answer. He loves compliments, especially if they come from you. He gets all shy and smiley, and his cheeks go pink.

It’s crazy to think that, when you met Johnny, you found him a bit intimidating. He was tall and only wore black clothes, plus his resting bitch face didn’t help at all. But once you started talking and got to know each other better, you realized he was a human-shaped teddy bear rather than a jerk.

His voice snaps you out of your memories and brings you back to the present time.

“What if I buy another burger?”

You gasp, laughing in disbelief. “Babe, no!”

“Why not?” He mops, discharging the wrap on the empty bag placed in between the seats.

“One is enough.” You insist.

“They’re small! Two is the perfect amount.”

“They seem small because your hand is huge. If you eat another one, cholesterol will atrophy your arteries and, eventually, you’ll die.” Your tone is so serious that Johnny starts laughing seconds later, covering his face with his hands. “Why are you laughing? I’m right!” Now you’re laughing, too.

“That was so mean!”

“It's a medical fact, Johnny!.”

“Fine, you convinced me.”

Once you’ve finished your meal, Johnny drives aimlessly around the city before deciding where to go next. There’s a park from which you can see New York’s skyline, so that’s the destination. Johnny manages to find a secluded spot from which you have a nice view of the city, along with some privacy.

“This might be the best idea I’ve had this week.”

“Or this month.”

Your soft laughs fill the car for a few seconds before going back to silence. Johnny glances in your direction, watching you get lost in the stars and the lights of the city that watched you grow up.

“Everything okay?”

You hum, nodding. “I’m just… reminiscing.”

“A penny for your thoughts.”

You take a deep breath, your eyes never darting away from the view beneath you.

“During my last year of high school, I dated this boy. He was handsome and so, so funny. He treated me like a queen and sometimes made me wonder if he had just jumped right out of a fairy tale. We had the most romantic six months and then, he left me. He never said why, he didn’t even dare to break up with me in person. He told my best friend and asked her to give me the message.”

“What a fucker.” Johnny mumbles.

“For the longest time, I thought I was the problem because I wasn’t pretty enough, sexy enough, smart enough for him. I felt so worthless and sad that I kind of started to drift away. I allowed pretty fucked up things to happen to me that I’ve tried to forget.” Johnny grabs your hand, caressing the palm with his thumb. You’ve got his full attention. “Years later, I started dating again, but I… I was scared all the time. Not that they were horrible people, I was just afraid that they would leave me and make me return to the toxic relationship I had with myself. And then, you came around.”

You turn your head, looking for Johnny’s eyes. He’s looking at you with those fond orbs that you adore.

“Not once have you made me doubt myself. In any way.”

He cups your cheeks and pecks your lips, moving away just enough for you to look him in the eye again.

“I’ll never give you a reason to be scared.”

You give him a reassuring smile.

“I know.”

Slowly, Johnny starts kissing you, his lips soft and warm. The tip of his tongue touches your mouth and you open it, giving him full access. His wet muscle brushes yours and, delicately, Johnny holds the back of your neck, pulling you closer. You reach for his T-shirt, your clouded mind looking for the craved contact, any kind of contact.

“I need you.” He mumbles against his lips, and it’s all you need to hear.

You straddle his lap, trying to find a comfortable position in the driver's seat of the car. Johnny’s basketball shorts are thin enough to let you feel his boner against your core, and you find satisfaction in the fact that he’s just as worked up as you are. Wrapping his arms around your waist, Johnny squeezes you against his clothed chest, so tightly that you don’t know where you start and where Johnny ends.

You could get caught, you could get arrested, but none of that fades you. Right now, the only thing in your mind is Johnny. Johnny licking the length of your neck, Johnny biting where he knows it’ll make you hiss his name. You drag your hips, humping his boner, and when Johnny moans against your mouth, the little clarity you have slips through your fingers like water.

“What about taking this to the back?”

Johnny’s nod is enough of an answer. Before you know it, you’re making your way into the backseat, Johnny on your heels.

Your hands untie the lace of your sweatpants the moment you fall on the seat, Johnny lingering in the door, watching you. You take them off under his gaze, pressing your back against the door behind you and opening your legs to let him peek at the wet patch in your underwear. It’s not long before you take it off, too, the crisp air making you shiver.

“You’re going to drive me crazy.”

“Come and punish me, then.”

You straddle his lap once again when Johnny gets in the car, your lips crashing against his. He looks for the door’s handle in the dark, slamming it, before taking off both his shorts and boxers in a swift movement.

You feel Johnny’s hand sneaking in between your bodies, then he’s forcing his length into you.

New York is a beautiful city, especially at night, but you’ve got the best view in front of you. Johnny lets his head fall back, his pretty mouth open and gasping for air as you start bouncing on his cock without warning, too eager to wait.

Johnny looks at you through half-opened eyes, his hands falling on your waist to give a particularly rough thrust that makes you gasp.

“You’re the prettiest thing I’ve seen.” He whispers against your neck. “Especially when I’m balls-deep inside you.”

“I’m even prettier when you make me cum.”

Johnny’s fingers dig into your ass, guiding you up and down his cock.

“Is that so?”

You nod, biting your lips at the feeling of his tip hitting that spot that makes you go feral.

“You should see for yourself.”

Johnny takes it seriously, hugging your waist and fixing you in place, his pace getting quicker.  

You didn’t expect to get railed in the backseat of his car when he offered a midnight drive, but here you are, wishing you were completely naked to scratch his broad shoulders, back, and chest, which he loves.

Today, he’ll have to settle for the mark of your teeth in his collarbone.

He pants in your ear, his hot breath fanning the droplets of sweat that decorate your neck like diamonds. You whine and wiggle, trying to break free from his grip.

“I want to ride you.”

Johnny usually makes you beg a little more, so you’re pleasantly surprised when he lets go of your waist.

You grind back and forth, making the most out of this new freedom he has granted you. It’s so hot inside the car that the windows are all fogged and your top sticks to your body. You take it off, much to Johnny’s delight, who grabs your breasts and squeezes them.

His hands move up and reach your sweaty neck, pushing away the strands of hair glued to the skin to lock one of them behind it. He uses it to hold you down, retraining your movements.

You open your mouth to protest, but he kisses you before you can say anything, rubbing your clit with his free hand, making you tremble, a choked moan ricocheting against the walls of the vehicle.

“Sorry, baby.” He says even though he’s not sorry at all, thrusting faster. “You can be in charge another time.”

The brutal pace of both his hips and hand is enough to make you forget why you were mad in the first place. He pounds into you as if you hadn’t had sex in months, he growls like an animal when you try to fuck him back, eyes shut close to focus on the feelings of his cock making its way into you over and over again.

Your legs hurt, yet you don’t want to stop.

You don’t last long, white sparkles dance around in the darkness when you reach your high.

Johnny fucks you through it for as long as he can, pressing his hips to yours as he fills you up, your name in his mouth like a song.

You rest your head on his shoulder, allowing him to caress your hair, you both trying to catch your breaths.

“Was that good?”

“I’ve got your cum inside me.” You remark. “So there’s your answer.”

Johnny’s chest shakes with his laugh, scratching your scalp with his fingertips. You would fall asleep if it wasn’t for his voice breaking the silence.

“Promise me you won’t freak out.”

“What?”

“There’s a car parked right next to us.”

No reposting or translations allowed.

© epinebleue 2023

[teopatra]

All about your crush 😻 👀

Pick a pile/pick a group PAC

Pick one of the boys: What does your crush think about you?👀

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

I was inspired by the cast of the show Revenge which debuted on ABC when I was surprised to learn that the main character Emily Thorne (blonde lady pictured below) is actually married in real life to another character on the show, Daniel Greyson, who I actually did not use in this reading.. NO SPOILERS

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✨Nolan✨

• dresses preppy or formal • wealthy • clean shaven / clean cut • Burberry • Tom Ford • Lacosté • Ralph Lauren • designer, luxe, luxury, • jewelry like watches or cuff links • suit and tie • corporate • first or business class • fresh food never frozen

• this person can be found at social gatherings a lot or you may have met them at some type of event, probably formal or having to do with work. If not, then you may have known this person for a long time thru family. Or this person could have grown up in the same neighborhood as you, may have went to a school of other mutual friend’s but not your school. This could be a family friend/associate who you’ve always known but you all may not have had your own personal or intimate relationship.

• this person gives off air sign energy or mutable enrgy mainly gemini, but could be any of the mutable signs. This person likes to stay busy bc they have to. They’ll begin to overthink or get anxiety if they’re too still or not busy being involved in some type of gathering. This person knows how to socialize and party but that doesn’t mean they’re a party animal. They network for the sake of their reputation or business, but they are in no ways a clout chaser. They have a very androgynous energy so they may have both genders pining after them which gives them many options to choose from except they’re very picky with their dealings. They’re very sought after for their work, reputation, and wealth and you two may come from completely diff words. For that reason you all may have not connected or hung out previously bc of fear.

• either you or this person didn’t initially approach the other bc he didn’t want to come off as chauvinistic or as if he can get whatever he wants due to his status. This person is very humble and down to earth but has been burned by betrayal. This person wants to be seen as normal, but not regular, meaning that they want to be noted for their hard work not just for their finances or donations.

✨This person will like to make you laugh and watch you from afar just to study you for example if you show up to the same place (or event) they’ll pay attention to your look and style bc they’re into that. They admire fashion specially runway and couture bc that’s what they can afford.

✨ this is not your typical rich boy troupe, for they have worked very hard to be where they are and it is deserving. This person could have good aspects to their Jupiter or 2nd house.

✨ they noticed you bc of who they’ve seen you conversing and interacting with and they’re intrigued bc most women who remind him of you are gold diggers or manipulators and he can peep 👀 game from a mile away (this is what he does for a living in the business world)

What do they like about you?

• Regardless of the romantic feelings between the two of you, you all will find long lasting friendship in one another first and last. This could be a friend turned lover or a romantic connection that ends in forever friendship with no love lost. This person has respect for you and sees the class you have, whether one of you or neither of you are wealthy neither of you care about that, but they see how valuable you are. They see you as very talented and well connected and since they’ve been introduced to so many rooms and tables they’ve seen it all from people who are superficial, users with ulterior motives, or people who bring nothing to the table except for what they can take from others. This person feels like you are deserving of everything great that comes your way and they see you as someone they can trust and even come to for advice. They hope that n the future you all will be able to put your heads together and work together. There could be initial attraction between you all, but you two happen to both be very focused individuals more so determined to build wealth. This person sees you as easy going and tbh I feel like the both of you see yourselves in each other but you’re not the type of people to outwardly discuss that at first. A lot of air sign energy; they don’t want to get hurt, but they know how to take a game or risk when it comes to new opportunities. They see you as an opportunity to grow and not a liability; not saying that they want you for what you can do but more so they see how the two of you together as wolves of Wall Street lol xoxo

✨✨

✨Aiden✨

• stoic, observant, calm • casual, quiet, under the radar, off the grid • traveler, multi-faceted, exclusive • elusive, sleeper build, trustworthy • high class, foreign, mysterious • limited edition

• most likely you’ve met this person at work or some type of community event or religious banquet.. wherever it was it’s similar to group 1 (Nolan) where the event could have been more formal or you needed to dress up to attend. Lol my readers are classy individuals so plz check out the Nolan group if you’re here <3 ANYWAYS , this person may not have felt it was appropriate to approach you bc maybe they’re older than you (meaning you’re well over 21 and so are they. If you aren’t 18 you shouldn’t be talking to anyone over 18 now if they just turned 19 or you’re about to that’s diff but I ain’t ya mama I’m just letting you know.. again , ANYWAYS) this person maybe knows your dad lol so if they felt it wasn’t appropriate it’s bc they’re very respectable and this could be the reason why I’m feeling it was a religious event like something for church bc n their head they’re like “ this isn’t speed dating” lol. RESPECT.

• this person understands that there’s a time and place for everything which gives me a more mature vibe from this person, OR if they felt it wasn’t appropriate to approach you it’s bc they’re traditional and want to ask your parents or whoever raised you like aunts, uncles, grandparents or whoever for their persmission first 🥹 AWWWWWNN 🥹🥹 das so sweeeeeet ahaha nah fr I’m jeally lowkey bc I love traditional romance not this hookup culture talking stage bull crap pew 🤢

• this person is very formal and doesn’t like to be the center of attention, but they’ve noticed you for a while actually which I love bc I’ve gotten in all my groups that the feeling is mutual between the crushes teehee .. they’re very imaginative, but they like to make sure they’re making the right decisions before they make one.. that’s important to them. And everything they do with intention, so tbh they’ve been plotting for while now how to approach you bc even tho they’re not the show-offy type, don’t be fooled bc this person would go allllll out for you. They’ve haven’t been n too many commitments bc they don’t believe n casual dating, but that doesn’t make them inexperienced. They’ve had great examples of leading men and women figures n their life so they come from a great background and they take commitment serious once involved. Your value is NOT measured by how others see you, but tbh they’re aren’t too many men out there like him and you should be flattered fr fr..

How do they feel about you?

✨ what you see isn’t always what you get with this person bc they’re very deep and definitely more than what meets the eye. They may look like your typical playboy or seem like a ladies man bc I’m ngl they can’t get a break.. LITERALLY.. he’s always being approached by stunning women and the occasional pick-me, but he attracts women with alpha energy lol and he hopes that doesn’t make you think less of him

✨ he feels like you are royalty and should be treated as such which is why he doesn’t approach you so casually.. he wants you to understand him and his approach. He feels like you deserve grandeur even tho he may not always be the best at expressing his feelings and he actually sees you as someone who is very knowledgeable and educated so he has been actively trying to better himself in learning about his family history and maybe he’s into astrology and would love to take a look at YOUR natal chart 👀 OOOOOH where is he atttttt doeeeeee bc dis my man right here ahaha 🤣 ugh I’m a sucker for this kind of stuff

✨ bc of how you look of look or dress he may assume you’re wealthy so doesn’t wanna come off cheap even tho he doesn’t think you’re a snob and even if you aren’t wealthy you look regal 100% of the time OKURR. He knows that you’re a group leader and organizer and that you like to help out (esp n the community) which makes him think you’d be an amazing wife and mother to someone one day if not to him, whoever it is would be lucky… he feels like if he asks you out of tried to talk to you you’d reject him and you probably would 🤣 bc you think he’s an F boy but he’s not.. he can tell tha you’ve been betrayed n the past and that’s mainly bc you probably had a very public breakup or falling out with someone or a group. But he knows they did wrong by you and you’d be best off without those people anyways bc they’re not on your level. He feels honored to be n your presence whenever you’ll are at the same places honestly. He may be tall or very built; extremely masculine physique and he sees you as so dainty and fragile tbh he feels like you’d be better off not knowing him cuz he isn’t sure if he’d know how to love you properly bc to him you are the personification of love… xoxo

✨✨

✨Jack✨

• familiar, nostalgic, past lives, spiritual • expressive, passionate, loving, energetic • caring, wise, maternal/paternal/fatherly • chemistry, attraction • physically active, athletic • focused, determined • loner • alpha, manly, muscular, hairy • nice cologne, fireside chat, night visits, rocks thrown at the window kinda vibe, let’s cuddle, staycation together

• strong water energy mainly piscerian. This guy has a burning fire inside of him for you and majority of the time won’t show it (in a larger crowd lol like a Scorpio) this guy thinks you’re really pretty and he hasn’t seen anyone like you before. It’s something about you that takes his breath away and he wants to know what you look like with different types of hair styles and looks LOL what.. he wants to take you out on a dinner date or maybe something romantic like a boat ride. He’s very sweet and creative and will find fun ways to woo you like words made of rose petals

• he puts his heart before his head bc his head may convince him otherwise so he’s a just go for it kind of guy bc he’s very passionate. I feel like you guys could live or work close together or n the same area maybe you go to the same school but you live n diff buildings (duh bc do colleges even do coed LOL) but if he sees you on campus he ONLY sees you at certain times and places but sometimes he doesn’t see you and he’s like dam.. he’s hoping he sees you talking to someone he knows so he can ask more about you.. NOT IN A STALKERY WAY just a mutual crush 😏 so if you were wondering… confirmation.

• YOU could have seen him and you all have similar thoughts about hoping they know a mutual so you can ask more about them. But I feel like you’re too shy and he’s honestly not too mixy or involved .. he could either play a sport or be in some type of frat or organization bc there’s some reason besides class that forces him to be on campus or else he’d prob just hideaway in his room (no pun intended 😜 iykyk 🤭)

✨ If you were wondering if your crush notices you yes they do! I feel like you should shoot your shot and make the first move lol it doesn’t have to be too forth coming or aggressive but you could introduce yourself and say hey I’ve seen you around and you seem pretty cool. Go from there lol he’s kind of a shy guy and he may not approach you AT FIRST bc you’re so pretty and he doesn’t wanna come off too strong but since he has Alpha energy he isn’t gonna let too many encounters go by before you slip away PLUS there’re a few gals (maybe guys too lowkey LOL) with their eye on him bc everyone kinda has a crush on him bc he’s mysterious and not n everyone’s face like most of these guys r esp on campus or n school

✨ he’s seen you around other pretty girls or the Misses of your school if your school does the royal court thing and that kind of intimiades him bc he doesn’t really understand it all and doesn’t wanna be rude or weird lmao he’s very respectful and well mannered. BUT I see y’all passing each other alone and you guys catch each others eye maybe you’ll both start blushing and can’t stop awwww PLZ LMK IF THIS HAPPENS

Future of this connection / what happens next?

• if you get ahold of their birth chart you’ll be VERY surprised to see how your synastry parallels/aligns but if your moon signs are opposite that may not be your guy esp if you haven’t reached your Saturn return yet BUT just know that any opposing energies is room for OPPORTUNITY that could be good OR bad depending on how you perceive it but either way it may cause a challenge more than a conflict so don’t be discouraged just be wise..

• this type of connection feels like the one that is very passionate n the beginning then dwindles out like a flame (maybe you could be twin flames). This could piss you off if you’re more and more attracted to this guy bc of his nice guy persona which is genuine, but he may struggle with his confidence and it can make him jealous or clingy but he’ll prob grow out of that. You’re prob really sought after also except you’re a bit more outgoing than he is so you’ll be seen amongst larger crowds which can raise his judgement. It’s not that he doesn’t trust YOU, but he doesn’t trust the company you keep sometimes.. and he may be right. I see this guy being very intuitive, but sometimes for a man it’s hard to decipher intuition if they’re not actively doing shadow work or healing. They’ll just chalk it up to their being too emotional. Xoxo

✨✨

Thank you for reading and feel free to pick more than one group

x o x o

Tip jar 🍪

[azsdiary]

Love, Money & Power

Me, suddenly a behavioral and language analyst, watching videos in a Language i don’t understand to figure out what’s going on about my man. Real Kpop stan type behaviour:

What if- I’m just not ever going to find the words to describe bc I’m waiting for things to crash and burn just Incase so I don’t have to mention it?? I don’t think this will crash & burn. I think this will be wonderful, secretly. But I’m scared to admit that. That I have hope. That God really might be giving me back more than I lost. Like Job. I know God does that eventually but is this really it? I am okay to hope, yes? Romans 5:3-5 right? No shame in hoping from suffering.

Power:

This was after the alleged elevator slap when J cheated on B. To me it represents: Realising that you’re very much over anyone’s less-than-Gods-standard type behaviour. I am SoLange & Bey.

For example, God told me to go the hood and then told me I was there to meet with my producer-to-be and I should call him over. He brought me a random gift speaking about how he likes to just bless people yada yada asking if I’m allergic to nuts and I thought it was luxury chocolate (yall know I don’t play about thatttt) then he later admitted in passing that it was regifted bc he didn’t want it (Ummm?). The gift? BBQ salted nuts.

Then he played me a normal beat he made which sounded like any well made popular beat on the net, saying it was an adjusted version of one he kinda liked on YouTube - then said why should he pay for beats when he can make better ones?? But you just said your ‘better’ beat was just an adjustment on 90% someone else’s beat that you’re now dissing??… and sounded basic nothing new at all same old Catholic choir voices in the bg and an 808 or whatever - and then started raving abt this vision he had.

He told me since he met me everything has been falling into place for him (I’m not going to lie every man I meet platonically tells me this - I praise God that He works thru me that way) and then I get this feeling… like a drop in my spirit.

Money:

He suddenly switches mid music convo saying to work together I have to agree on some things first - then tried to get me to agree that God saying choose life not death actually meant choose to be rich not poor, and that being rich was the goal of the gospel. Jesus Himself wasn’t rich. But He didn’t care.

I remember the feeling - the moment I realised God brought me there to break up with him (as a producer). It was like the world warped and he looked so unattractive to me suddenly - moments before he would open his mouth to say the things that would actually show me I need to walk away.

Production services for accepting a false gospel? “We all have our own belief systems” he said. I said “it’s not my belief system it’s the direct Word of God that says we should learn to abound whether rich OR poor through Christ. That love of money is the root of all evil… so being rich can’t be the goal of the gospel.” He agreed that if the prosperity gospel was real that this would be the exact convo he would try and have with me. Why didn’t that open his eyes?

It was a very manipulative end. He implemented many gaslighting and trapping techniques such as asking me to let him land or to hold on when he never lands as a way to get me not to answer anything he said. Ineffective on me ofc. Or like when I was leaving and he said ‘wait just one question then you can go.’ Then the question was just restating his argument so by answering it I’m just being dragged back.

The moment I realised he understood the truth I showed him and rejected it, I was gone.

Getting up and walking away from that conversation was easy because I’ve come to a place where anything against God is easy to leave behind. But it was sad to leave a soul there too.

Just another music attempt horror story. 7 years consecutive inability to make any music has been hard. I wasn’t even going to try again ever after year 5. But then God really helped me out in a situation and I said what can I ever do to repay you and I promise He literally said ‘start your music career’ ?? I was like but we weren’t going to do that fr anymore.

Look y’all I’m not saying I’m the worlds missing Link musically or the next Whitney - just that my music would help a few ppl who are missing Godly influence in a certain genre. What I haven’t created yet will greatly help a small number of ppl. And those ppl still need that help according to God.

I realised all he was was a notebook. He never had any ideas he just asked me all my thoughts and gave them back to me. I do the same when my friends need to make a hard decision by themselves and just need someone to help them see what they’re thinking. He added not much.

I spend a lot of time reassuring myself I’m human and I’m enough as I am to go forth w Gods plans. I feel ugly these days even when I think I look beautiful. I guess I just feel lousy - it’s been a lot to handle recently 3-4 ppl tried to slime me out (trick me) of money etc in the last 2 weeks. It’s been hard. Everybody thinks I’m rich though clearly ahhahaha.

I know I say that I pray for the return of the 2013 swag era but what I actually pray for is the relaxed attitude from it. The time I should have spent being a teen then, I spent being a toddler. I’m only a teen nowish. That’s okay - we’re getting it back

Love:

I was just looking for a good funnyish action movie. Then this scene where Alicia and Common fall in love in seconds and you can just feel that it’s real - it was the realest most honest love I’d seen on screen for a long time (minus the m*rder talk) for a long time. And the best thing about it I didn’t even go looking for romance I wanted an action comedy and was gifted it. (Smokin’ Aces.)

All this time I thought I wasn’t attracted to anyone bc their face wasn’t enough for me and then I fell for sb the hardest from just seeing their back- no face needed. Isn’t that the weirdest? (This clip contains swearing Use of the n word, and most main curse words I did not find a clean version of the clip)

And that’s me too. That’s really how I am. I don’t care if we just met, I’ll die about me for the Gospel’s sake - and I’ll die about you, instantly. Because of who he is, in Christ, who he’s chosen to be and how incomparably valuable he is to this world.

And that’s not desperate and that’s not delusional, that’s honest open and real. That’s real recognise real, and real protect real. No questions asked.

[kaiwritesgood]

“Object” Assignment

               My parents met on the Washington D.C. Metro – the Orange Line train. Years later, my brother and I would become accustomed to spending 24 hours on an Amtrak train headed from D.C. to West Palm Beach, Florida. In my teens, I forced my friends to pick me up and drop me off at the appropriate Metro station. I had a dormant license as my dad provided me with an endless supply of SmartTrip cards.                I learned at a young age that cars were expensive, insurance was just as expensive, and teenagers could not be trusted behind the wheel. I would grow tired of arguing that, and I’d quickly run out of sources and statistics to support my point, which was that I could be trusted, and I was deserving. My friends were not good drivers. And my classmates frequently got into accidents, documented on the local news.                My 16-year-old-self had no idea I would not receive my first car until age 23, nine months into the first year of the pandemic.                By 2020, I had been living in Pittsburgh for six years, and I relied on the Port Authority (now Pittsburgh Regional Transit) to get me anywhere and everywhere. I had enough practice. And the system was smaller than the one I was used to. But I would soon find that this bus system was riddled with problems.                The bus was frequently late and often a no-show. Sometimes, and infuriatingly, it would come too early. There was only one downtown location for obtaining and refilling a bus pass.                When the pandemic came, I feared these buses more than usual. I refused to use them unless necessary and relied on my boyfriend and his Kia Forte to get me around.                Then my mom called one afternoon.                “Ron’s upgrading his car,” she said. I felt my face light up.

               Wait, I thought. I don’t know shit about cars.                Two weeks, and $5,000 later, I had a black, 2016 Honda HR-V parallel parked in front of my apartment. My first few trips were to the craft store. After that, the grocery store, then my friend’s places, then to the mall, then to restaurants, and even across the state and back. I started to enjoy traveling on my own schedule, picking up my friends, shopping at odd times, even sitting in drive-thru’s became almost “fun”.                But when school and work resumed, I’d soon realize that I really don’t like to drive.                By the end of the first year of ownership, I had been in two accidents, collected a wide range of parking tickets, fell behind on insurance payments, spent a fortune on gas, locked my keys in the trunk, then lost the set of backup keys. Having a car was starting to feel like having a child.                The car provided me with only a level of privacy money could buy and at the same time, it exposed me to a world of new dangers. Being behind the wheel makes me think of all the many auto-related ways people die that I had never thought of before. A moment never went by where I didn’t miss and long for the train.                The car operated on so many extremes; it expanded and limited the places I could go, it was safe and dangerous at the same time, and it felt like it either went very fast or very slow. I felt conflicted about this realization though because I had been asking for a car since I got my license at 17. I almost felt like my complaints had a tinge of privilege in them. I owned one car that was completely paid off, it was even black inside and out like I preferred. I had access to two cars, if you included my boyfriend’s. And in today’s economy, I knew a two-car household was considered a luxury to many people. Here I was, complaining, about having too much.                Even though the act of driving irritated me, I recognized the importance of the car. And after owning it for only two years, I can’t imagine not having it. And maybe the reliance on it is what I resent – the conditions that forced me into driving. America was built for cars and planes, not trains. To an adult who grew up on trains, and religiously watched Thomas the Train, this was heartbreaking.                But I love my car. It’s my first car. And I’ll never have another first car. I’ve customized it. I’ve stuck pins in the upholstery, stickers on the sun visor, and hung keychains from the rearview mirror. I slapped a Maryland crab magnet on the back next to the holographic license plate frame I bought for it from Walmart. There’s French Toast Crunch pieces lodged under the backseat, and a dent in the driver’s side I got when a lady hit me on a side street in Rosslyn, Virginia. My prized collection of fast-food napkins and masks stuffed in the glove compartment, expired library books in the passenger storage pocket, and my Animal Crossing keychain dangling from the rearview (it’s Blathers). It’s one-of-a-kind, an extension of myself.                I can’t tell you how fast it goes, or how many miles are on it without starting it first. I’m not sure what kind of gas it takes, I just know it’s not diesel. It’s taught me a lot about the sanctity of life, and how important it is to be patient, and what people truly mean when they say, “DRIVE SAFE.”                Every day, I remind myself it is a privilege to drive, although it’s treated as a right. There are (not enough) consequences to unsafe driving and the road is a communal space. It is to be shared, not ruled.                Every day, I miss the freedom of the train and not having to worry about parking. Nowadays, I only drive three days a week. And that is more than enough for me.

[ashasmonsters]

The Thru-Hiker

Female reader x Male mothperson (Desmond)

Citrus rating: Lemon

Content: Full-on smut, references to unhappy breakups

Words: 5.1k

Note: Here's the story that earns me the "18+" in my description. This is my first time making anything this smutty public, so any feedback or criticism would be appreciated. Enjoy!

You raised the viewfinder to your eye. The rolling hills fit within the frame-lines neatly, the trail before you leading straight down the middle and towards the horizon. With a satisfying click the shutter fired. You lowered the camera and cranked the film advance lever, confident that shot would turn out well. You let the camera dangle from your shoulder once again as you looked around: this spot was close enough to the main trail that you wouldn't need any "breadcrumbs" to lead you back to it in the morning. The sun would finish setting in an hour or so, and bird chirps had given way to trilling crickets and cicadas. It was warm enough that you didn't need to build a fire. Your stove would do just fine.

"That's a nice camera."

You turned towards the voice. Standing behind you, closer to the main trail and obscured slightly by foliage, loomed a lanky mothman. He wore clothes appropriate for hiking the Appalachian trail, though you hadn't seen him around. This meant he was quick or hiking the opposite direction as you.

"Thanks." You answered. He pushed a few low-hanging twigs out of the way and took a step towards you.

"Is that a..." he paused, his brow furrowing above his red compound eyes as he searched for a word, "Yashica, right?"

"Mamiya, actually." You answered, hefting the brick-shaped camera from your hip where it dangled. "It's been a pain to hike with, but I love it all the same."

"I'm sure you've got some excellent shots in that thing. I'm Desmond." He closed the remaining distance and tenderly extended a chitinous claw. You shook it in turn and returned his greeting.

"I don't believe I've seen you on the trail, Desmond," you said, "are you using those wings or hiking southbound?"

"Oh, I'm hiking southbound. Flying would defeat the purpose, wouldn't it?"

"I guess that is a silly question." You lowered your eyes and made eye contact with his hiking boots. "I'm heading northbound."

"Hm. You must have started the trail pretty recently."

"That's right. I started maybe three weeks ago. You must be pretty close to finishing if you're going southbound."

"Been on the trail for five months." He answered.

"Wow." You breathed. Maybe mothmen wore it better, but he certainly looked neat for having lived in the wilderness for almost half a year. You caught yourself staring. "Um, got any tips for a relatively fresh hiker like me?"

"Take your time and enjoy yourself." He said, looking down at you. "The trail is going to take the better part of a year from you no matter what, so there's no point in rushing it."

"Thanks for the advice." A pause. You saw your reflection in his ruby eyes. "Anyway... I don't want to keep you from the trail, being nocturnal and all." You failed to suppress a tinge of longing in your voice. The sun started to kiss the horizon, making the canopy above you look like it was on fire.

"Well, actually..." Desmond rested a claw on the back of his neck fluff, "I was going to ask if you would share this spot with me. It's going to be a full moon and I planned to take a rest to enjoy it."

"Oh," you said, glad the sunset was masking your blush, "that should be fine, then."

"I don't want to impose, I could always find my own—"

"No, really, it's fine." You said, gesturing around the sizeable clearing. "We're sharing a view, not a cot. I don't mind."

"Ah, right." He played with his neck fluff again. "Well then, let's not waste the daylight." You nodded and slid your pack off.

Your sleeping arrangements for the trail had been spartan, but still comfortable. You carried a thin foam pad which rolled up nicely and fit under your sleeping bag, a tarp with hooks for hanging from above, a camp stove, and a sack to keep your food strung up a branch and away from animals.

All of this was set up fairly quickly since Desmond was helping you. He was quite tall, which made stringing up the extra food much easier than when you had done it alone. In no time, your foam pad was safely encircled by your hanging tarp and your stove was boiling a pot of water. Tonight's dinner was an Appalachian Trail classic: dehydrated cheesy rice. You took the initiative to invoke full-on luxury by adding a handful of equally dehydrated broccoli florets. You had a guest to entertain, after all.

"Thanks for making me breakfast. Dinner, in your case." Desmond said. The dim blue light from the camp stove caught only the very edges of his chitinous frame. His red eyes shone bright like a cat's through the steam from the culinary masterpiece cooking between you two.

"Consider it my treat." You smiled back. There was a pause, so you pulled a topic from the air. "Are you a photographer too? Not many people can tell apart the brands of these old things." You patted your Mamiya camera as if it were a tiny metal lapdog.

"Ah, no," He said, almost defensively, "if you have compound eyes like me, you can't really look through viewfinders. It just doesn't work."

"Right, sorry." You rubbed the back of your neck. "Where does your camera knowledge come from, then?"

"Well... you know the old mothpeople stereotype about how we like light?"

"Um." You spoke carefully. "I have heard of it."

"I kinda live up to that stereotype. Like, very much. It's why I wanted to stop here to watch the full moon."

"Okay, but how does that tie into cameras?"

"It's kind of embarrassing." He fidgeted with his long white neck fuzz. "It's the flash. When it goes off, it's like... like..."

"Like a drug?" You finished for him.

"No! Not like that. It's not addictive... I don't think. It's more like... what's that thing humans do with their nails and their skin?"

"Like scratching an itch?"

"Yes! Exactly." He said excitedly. "I don't itch, but if I did, I imagined it would feel like when a camera flash goes off."

You chuckled even though you knew he was a little embarrassed. This whole situation was just too absurd, too odd.

"So you're like a connoisseur of camera flashes." A pause. He lowered his gaze.

"Mamiyas have the best one." You chuckled again.

"Well, then." You pulled your camera from your bag and held it before you. "May I take your portrait?"

"If it's no trouble," his antennae perked up, "yes please."

Wrestling the camera into shooting position, you flipped the viewfinder open and aimed it squarely at him. The scene fit perfectly within the frame-lines; the glowing blue stove flames in the foreground and Desmond's red eyes neatly in the middle.

"Looks good to me." You said, pressing the flash release. The flash, a piece of metal the size of your thumb, sprung out of the camera and whined as the battery charged it.

"Oh, wow." He noted. You pressed the shutter—

"Goddamn!" Desmond cried, shuddering. Briefly, a low chirr seemed to emanate from him. "Pardon my French. That was good."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. Most people hate when I ask to take their portrait." You cranked the film advance lever and smiled. You returned your camera to its place in your bag, then... remembered there was a meal on the stove. "Crap, I hope the bottom isn't burning." You said, quickly grabbing the stirring spoon and scraping the bottom of the pot. You continued until you were sure the food was in good shape.

"You know, when I thought about making this trek, I was worried about getting lonely. Like I wouldn't be able to put up with just myself for so long... but I've already met so many people and they've all been kind." You continued stirring the meal.

"Then what made you consider it in the first place?" Desmond asked, cocking an antenna.

"Oh... you know... adventure." You lied. The resulting pause made you painfully aware of how bad of a liar you are. The cheesy rice bubbled and spat steam at you as if heckling your poor performance.

"I'd believe that if you had a fedora and a whip. And knew where the holy grail was." He chuckled, his mandibles clicking.

"What?"

"Ah, just a stupid joke. There's these old movies..." He cut himself off and extended an empty claw, taking the spoon from you and making it his turn to stir. "I don't want to tell you your business, but everybody I've met in the past five months comes to the trail to run from something."

"Well... you're right that it's definitely my business." You tried not to scowl. The turn in conversation had resurrected an unpleasant feeling in your heart; something in the same neighborhood as shame or sadness.

"Not if what you're running from is the law and you're a serial killer or something. Then that's definitely my business." He clicked once more. His attempt to lighten the conversation didn't help that feeling much. The cheesy rice heckled him this time.

"I'm not a serial killer, I promise." You started, drawing in a sharp breath. Perhaps you just needed to vent. Maybe that would ease this malaise. "Why don't you start? Tell me what you're running from first, then I'll tell you about me." You took the stirring spoon back from him. He ran a claw down his face.

"I'm running from a breakup. We dated for three years." He sighed.

"I'm... sorry." You said, unsure of what else to say.

"Don't apologize; not unless you're the girl she ran off with." His mandibles clicked weakly. "I'm kidding. She didn't run off or anything. She didn't even cheat. She just realized that men weren't for her."

You raised an eyebrow. "Three whole years?"

"It didn't take her that long to realize it, just that long to work up the courage to tell me. Maybe I wasn't her true love, but she cared about me a lot. She was so scared of hurting me that she bottled it up for most of that time."

"You didn't want to remain friends?"

"I did— and I still do. I... I just said three things: 'I need some time to process this,' 'I'm in a lot of pain but it's not your fault,' and 'I'm going hiking for six months, call me back when I'm done.' That's all I could think of in the moment, and now I'm here."

"That's rough."

"You're telling me." His shoulders dropped. "I'm used to breakups with jerks. That I can make peace with, because then it's like a problem that solves itself. Jerk breaks up with you, therefore no more jerk to deal with. But... when it's someone that you love, that you want the best for, and that means they have to move on... that's something I'm still trying to work out." He sighed hard and lowered his crimson eyes. "I think the rice is done."

You were so caught up in his pained explanation that you lost track of time. You quickly turned off the camp stove and set the pot on the ground.

"Thanks for reminding me." You grabbed your enamel bowl as he readied his and started dishing out the rice and broccoli. You both sat there in silence, enjoying the feeling of hot food in hand. "Anyway, I guess it's my turn to share."

"Please. I wouldn't want to dump my problems on you without hearing out yours."

"I had a breakup too, though honestly I think mine wasn't as rough as yours." You said.

"We all go through different things. It's not a contest." Desmond said, idly poking his steaming meal. "Tell me about it, if you want."

So you did. Over the course of the meal, you told Desmond all about your past relationship: the fights you had with your ex, the nights spent in separate sleeping arrangements, the endless worry over how much of it was your fault. He nodded sympathetically with each painful memory you unraveled to him. Remembering it all made you feel worse, but having him listen made it feel much better. When you had no more to say, he stared at you. You saw yourself reflected in his eyes. Your spoon was trembling.

"It's okay to cry. I won't mind." Was all Desmond said before you had to set down your food and hold your face in your hands. It's like you had been saving up a surplus of tears throughout all these events and just barely they were escaping you. You could hear Desmond awkwardly scoot over in the dirt to your side before he offered a rigid shoulder to you.

"Chitin isn't exactly memory foam, but..." You rested your head on him without a second thought. One of his claws found its way to your shoulder and you felt better for it. This was the first time you had mentioned your breakup out loud and unquestionably the first time anyone had offered you a shoulder to cry on, literally or figuratively.  You quickly came to find even Desmond's exoskeleton quite comfortable.

"Thanks for listening." You said as your sobs started to slow. He plainly chirred in response, making his grip on your shoulder a little tighter. His embrace was the first one you had felt since the breakup. You felt warm and safe in a way you had previously only had with your ex long ago. His neck fluff tickled you as he leaned his head onto yours.

"It's okay." You could feel his mandibles nudge your cheek as he spoke. "I know how hard it is." Your composure returned, and you stilled yourself against him. You finally removed your hands from your face, your eyes bloodshot.

"I'm glad I'm not wearing makeup." You chuckled weakly. "Otherwise my cheeks would look like a barcode right now."

"That's the spirit. Enjoy the little things." He rubbed your shoulder. "That's what the trail is all about."

You found yourself naturally holding Desmond closer, burying yourself in his neck fluff and wrapping an arm around his side as he held you. He smelled like pine and smoke. You grabbed your bowl of food once more and resumed eating, not leaving Desmond's side.

"I'm sorry for smearing my tears all over you." You said, coming back to reality. The taste of rehydrated cheesy rice wasn't great, but it was warm and familiar. Combined with Desmond's arm wrapped around you, the pain and baggage from the breakup left you like grime after a shower.

"It's alright." He said. "If moths could cry, I'd be crying all over you too. We're in the same shitty breakup boat."

He and you sat there together, finishing the meal. The camp stove had been turned off for a while now, and the only warmth you felt was your own, reflected off his chitin. The pause was permeated by lesser insects chirping and wind gently rustling the branches above. As you finished your food, you became painfully aware that Desmond couldn't hold you forever. He'd have to get in his sleeping bag eventually, and in the morning, continue his hike to nowhere other than your distant memories. Or, maybe...

"Want to share my sleeping bag with me?" The words left your mouth before you could even react. A second later, you realized what you had said and your heart raced. Your face found itself hidden in your hands again.

Why the fuck would you say that? Are you crazy? How would you feel if he randomly propositioned you for sex, huh? To which your responded to yourself with, Screw it, I'd be down for that.

Oh well. The fact he'd leave forever in the morning was both a blessing and a curse... but for now, mostly a blessing. It didn't matter if you were "rebounding" or doing something impulsive. Whatever happened tonight would stay in tonight. You and him would go your separate ways and there wouldn't be any regrets to be had. You practically held your breath as he processed what you said; the pause felt infinitely long.

"I'd love to." He broke the silence, his mandibles clicking more than usual. "Unless you're having second thoughts."

You looked up at him and shook your head. Wordlessly, he took your hand stood up with you. You led him to your dangling tarp wherein your sleeping bag and foam pad rested. Luxurious it was not, but as you slapped aside the flap and pulled Desmond in behind you, little else other than him was on your mind. You sat down on your "bed" and turned round, looking at him. His saucer-sized red eyes glowed as they met your gaze. He stepped closer.

"You're sure?" He said, kneeling before you. "I don't want to—"

You leaned forward and grabbed his head, clumsily planting a kiss where his mouth would be if he was human. It seemed to do the trick; he gasped and relaxed, his mandibles caressing your cheeks. You pulled back to breathe.

"I'm not asking you to marry me." You planted another kiss on him, tugging on his neck fluff. "I'm asking you to keep me company tonight."

"If you insist." He clicked. Something in his tone changed. For the first time his voice had timbre and need. He had left his tone suited for polite conversation and jokes outside your tarp. Here on your twin-sized foam pad, all pretenses were gone. You both knew you were going to give yourselves to each other; yet he surprised you by tugging the neck of your shirt down and scattering little kisses from your chin to your collarbone with his proboscis. It was rough and leathery and frankly didn't feel like anything you had touched before. You shuddered when he took it with him, descending past your breasts and peeling your shirt off your belly.

"Desmond..." You sighed, the only thing keeping this encounter casual being the button on your jeans.

"Everything alright so far?" He looked up at you with his large eyes, his mandibles brushing against your thigh as he spoke.

"Excellent." You breathed, resting a hand on the back of his neck fluff. "Please..." You used the same hand to ever-so-gently nudge him closer to your midst, which was already roiling with burning need. With a single claw, he carefully undid the button and zipper. You shimmied out of your jeans until his neck fluff  tickled the inside of your exposed thighs; your underwear soon followed. He clicked some more as you fully exposed your entrance to him, his eyes studying you and his claws gently finding their way to each of your legs.

"Forgive me, it's been a while." He said as he lowered his face into you. You reclined further, only gazing upwards to the tarp and a tiny patch of starry sky.

"Don't talk, just— Ah!" He pulled a gasp from you as he began his ministrations. With your head resting on the foam pad, you just closed your eyes and let the sensations fill you. Something of his, you weren't quite sure what, playfully danced around the edges of your entrance until it found its mark. It gently flicked across that tender nub and your hips bucked in response. You held his neck plumage tighter, desperately tugging him closer to you.

"Keep going, that's— oh, that's perfect..." He didn't resist your pull. If anything, as his fuzz tickled you and his mandibles started to prod at your folds he increased his fervor. Relentlessly he played across all parts of you at once. Hard chitinous mandibles spread you open while his proboscis felt like it was everywhere. It rubbed your bead with every advance it made into you, filling you with a tingling warmth that spread throughout your whole body. He didn't let up at all, your breath hitching and leaving you as moans. You rocked your hips and whined. Harder and harder, rhythmically to a rapidly increasing tempo. You gripped him tighter, burying his face into you. Ecstasy built within your core with each surge of his "tongue" until you could hold on no longer.

"Oh, oh!" You cried, your body seizing and legs locking around his shoulders. Pleasure crackled around your whole body and there, in the dark with Desmond wordlessly working you, you weren't sure how much time you spent at the peak. Slowly, the sparks behind your eyes stopped flying. Your breath resumed its normal rhythm. Lifting your head off your sleeping bag, you made eye contact with his glowing red orbs, the only source of light under your tarp.

"How did I do?" He chittered, his grin smug enough for you to sense even in the darkness.

"You were fantastic." You indulged him, running your hand through his fuzz as he crawled over top of you. He pressed his forehead to yours.

"I didn't tire you out, did I?" He asked before descending upon you and kissing you lightly. With the gap between you two closed, you felt something tumescent and twitching under his shorts brush against you.

"I suppose I can stay up some more." You giggled as his fuzz tickled your collarbone. "I'll just sleep in."

"Glad to hear it." Desmond rasped. His voice grew ragged as he nipped at your neck, cradling your chin in one claw and using the other to undo his shorts. In the darkness, you could only feel something slick, smooth, and long come to rest on your belly. You squeezed your thighs around it. Desmond immediately chirred louder than before, sounding like a baritone version of the insects outside. His deep timbre resonated inside you.

"Excited?" You teased, his length completely at your mercy as you held it between your legs.

"I've forgotten how warm humans feel." He rumbled.

"Can I jog your memory?"

"Please."

You released him from your thighs and reached down with a hand. You felt the entirety of his length in your grasp; it was delightfully slick and uniform with pleasant little ridges to encounter as your hand traveled towards his base. You grasped it gently, eliciting more bassy chitters from him as you angled it towards your entrance. You fumbled a bit in the darkness, but after a few tries his tip rested at your threshold. His eyes met yours.

"Ready?" He clicked.

"Go ahead." You gripped his shoulders and pulled him close, nestling your face in his fluff as he started entering you. His hips slowly began to close the distance, each ridge on his length pushing a squeak out of you. His pace was deliciously slow. You had just enough time to adjust but not to catch your breath. All you could do was hold him tight in the darkness, nothing but the sensation and his chirring to occupy your mind. It felt like an eternity of slowly being filled by him. Eventually, cool chitin met your wet bundle of nerves, sending electric pleasure up your spine and forcing a gasp out of you.

"That's all of it." He grunted, his body completely flush with yours. "Do you feel alright?"

"Give me a moment." you said, exhaling sharply. The sensation of fullness with him hilted completely within you took your breath away. Little moans escaped you as his shaft quivered inside your depths. Embracing him, you found a steady breathing rhythm once more. "Okay, you can move."

With only chitters in response, he buried his head in the nape of your neck, his mandibles poking and prodding as he peppered you with kisses. His hardness withdrew just as slowly as when he entered you, then returned with a steady tempo. Each time his hips rocked you moaned into his fuzz. You imagined if you and Desmond had met at a different time or a different place, you'd be voicing your pleasures into a pillow. Since he had started his rhythmic thrusts, Desmond held a low, purring chirr that surged each time his pelvis met yours.

He chittered something specific, completely forgoing English as he picked up speed. He released your shoulders from his grasp. Changing position, he now kneeled upright with his knees on either side of your rear and his claws firmly gripping your thighs. The new leverage and angle made you squeal. He pumped in earnest now, both the speed and impact making you moan with nothing to stifle your voice.

"Desmond!" You cried, one hand splayed above your head and the other reaching down to hold your sensitive bead, "Keep going!" His pace remained constant. The low chirr grew into a growl. He pounded over and over, his hips slamming into your ass. As if it took considerable effort, he wrestled his chitters back into grunting speech you could understand.

"Close," he said sharply, "getting close!" You decided against speaking, instead locking your ankles behind him and rubbing your nub feverishly to meet him at the brink. His pace quickened even more. His claws squeezed your thighs as he desperately held onto you— into you, his thrusts remaining deeper inside you as they mounted in strength. His chirring returned, ascending in volume and pitch into a strangled, desperate call. His gaze snapped skyward and his back arched and he desperately pulled at your entire body in an effort to seat himself as deep within you as he could. You cried out in time with him. Your voice reached its limits. You rubbed yourself with abandon as you felt his cock fire within you with great trembling pulses. The pleasure within you mounted, growing until it erupted with a crackling warmth that left you quivering and crying out. He held himself as deep as he could go, grinding his hips into yours. Hissing, he lowered himself upon you once more and kissed you hard. You wailed into his mandibles as you rode out your peak. His hard chitin ground into your nub and held you at your limit before his rolling hips finally relented. Still, but remaining deep within you, he broke away from the kiss. You caught your breath as your eyes locked.

"Goodness..." You panted. Your face burned. Streaks of cool wetness rolled from your eyes down your cheeks. Desmond's chirring slowed into nothingness. The only sounds left were your breathing and nature outside.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his usual tone returning slowly.

"I'm great, Desmond," You smiled, "but you managed to tire me out this time." He clicked, then slowly withdrew his softening length from your sensitive core. You felt something ooze out of you, but were too exhausted to do anything about it.

"Sleep, please." He said, stroking your hair with a claw. "I'll be right here. Don't worry about anything else."

When morning arrived, the hole in the roof of your tarp acted as a skylight. You had awoken fortuitously just before the golden beam would have shone burning rays straight into your eyes. You definitely slept in, but found yourself fully clothed. You expected to feel something regretfully sticky and wet in your underwear, but you were completely clean. For a moment, you considered that last night might have been a dream. That line of thought was cut short by the sound of boiling water and the smell of coffee creeping into your tarp.

You emerged to find Desmond sitting in front of a small fire, emptying granules of instant coffee into a pot.

"Coffee?" He offered. "It'll be done in a bit."

"Thank you, Desmond." You sat in the same spot as you did last night over dinner. The silence that followed was comfortable and warm, unlike last night's awkward pauses. You watched him shake the pot with a claw as the sun warmed you. "I guess I should also thank you for, um, cleaning me up. I kinda passed out on you there. Sorry."

"No, no. It's fine. I'm nocturnal, remember?" He looked up at you and grinned. "It felt good to take care of a sleeping human again. It reminded me of old times." His grin softened into a gentle smile. The instant coffee had fully dissolved and he pulled the pot from the fire. He filled, then offered you an enamel mug which you accepted. The aroma was cheap and comforting.

"I'm going to miss you." You held the mug tightly. You didn't meet his eyes as you spoke, instead staring into the coffee as if it would tell you what to do.

"Me too." Desmond responded.

"Could we... could you..." You searched for the best way to ask. "Would you want to be with me?" Desmond released a slow chitter. He shook his head, and his soft smile shifted further into a shallow frown.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. "I wouldn't feel comfortable whisking you away three weeks after your breakup. Hell, I'm five months out from my own and I'm still not sure about where I am emotionally." You nodded in response. The coffee in your hands cooled in the resulting silence.

"I guess this is where we part ways, then." You sighed.

"Maybe..." He finally met your gaze. "You're hiking northbound. That means you'll finish in what, five more months?"

"Four if I hurry."

"The trail ends in Maine. There's this tiny, tiny town up there." He mused. "When you finish the trail, look for me around town. I'll be there. If you still want to be with me... then we could pursue a relationship like normal people. Coffee dates and stuff. If not... well, I'll buy you lunch."

"Is that another one of your movie references?" You chuckled. His plan sounded like something straight out of a cheesy rom-com.

"I'm serious." He explained. "My mom lives up there, and I've got nowhere else to be in four to five months."

"How am I supposed to find you?"

"I'm pretty sure the town population is in the double digits, and I'm definitely sure that me and my mom are the only mothpeople there." You considered his offer. It was all you had to look forward to, really.

"Let's shake on it." You extended a hand to him over the dying embers. He reached out to meet you, but then suddenly paused. "What's wrong?" You asked, a pang of fear striking you.

"I have one condition: when you inevitably run into my mom, our story has to be something other than, 'we met up on the trail and had sex after an embarrassingly short conversation and a camera flash,' okay?" You burst into laughter, as did he. He took your hand in his claw and shook enthusiastically.

"We have a deal." You answered. "Don't worry, I'll come up with something good."

"You better. You've got four-to-five months to craft it." He clicked. You smiled.

When you both finished your coffee, you gave him a hug and enjoyed the feeling of his neck fuzz on your cheek one last time. The fire had gone out, you packed up your tarp and sleeping bag, and you took a few steps north on the trail. You stopped soon after and turned, watching him go. He disappeared into the foliage. Sighing, you resumed your hike. To pass the time you talked to yourself.

"Ah, so nice to meet you, Mrs. Moth-mom. Yes, of course, we met at a pottery class."

No! Stupid.

"We were flying kites in the park, and ours got tangled up together—"

Now you sound like you're referencing sappy rom-coms.

You sighed. At least you'd have a while to come up with something convincing.

[rukia-writes]

Sugar Daddy! Shanks x Sugar baby!Reader

Setting: modern au

Plot: Billionaire Shanks is sugar daddy to a beautiful professional cheerleader and spoils her quite a bit. Financially and sexually.

Warnings: 18+ no minors 🔞, rough sex, daddy kink, uniform kink.

a sweet face.

a sweet face.

a sweet face.

Everything started with a familiar red haired man needing a new face for his highly prosperous company worth billions at the very least.

A few models came to mind and so did a few athletes.

In truth, a lot of people wanted to be the new face of Shanks company and Shanks interviewed the exhaustive list personally with his fellow board members.

But there was one that caught his attention.

A upcoming professional cheerleader.

Shanks thought she was perfect with her bright attitude and smile.

If Shanks couldn’t have her as the new face of his company he definitely wanted to get to know her personally. As luck would have it, when the CEO offered the idea of having her as the new face to the board members they all agreed.

Shanks could have just went ahead and pushed everything thru but he wanted a second opinion, plus his friends were on the board committee and he valued their opinion. From there, the two had a friendship of sorts. Shanks being the friendly wealthy friend and being there for her whenever she needed anything until a night of passion changed everything.

This night is when Shanks and (Name) started their unique relationship.

Shanks offered to be her sugar daddy and to provide her with whatever she wanted, it was an offer (Name) didn’t want to refuse. While it was very beneficial for both parties the two didn’t notice how close they were becoming over the next months.

In the VIP area, known as the luxury box a group of wealthy men were watching the game from several television screens, drinking expensive and not so expensive alcohol while either sitting on the lounge chairs or getting alcohol at the bar.

The tall and handsome billionaire was drinking with his friends, it was a big game after all and he needed some downtime.

Is what it seemed to everyone.

But in truth, Shanks was there to see his beautiful cheerleader  that he had been with for little over a year now and the cheerleader had stolen his heart.

Spoiling her was now a everyday thing.

While partying the red haired man would look at the television screen whenever she was on the screen, absolutely loving it when she wore her cheerleading outfit.

Shanks really enjoyed seeing her in that.

Benn Beckman was the only one suspected that Shanks had someone, he didn’t know his boss had a sugar baby. Today, however  while the two were playing cards he noticed his boss would look at the screen at certain times and every-time he noticed a certain cheerleader was on screen.

“Interesting game isn’t?”

“Hm? Oh yeah, it’s going to be a good game.”

Shanks was kindly caught off guard by Beckman asking just a simple question. From then on Shanks tried to make his little secret not so obvious. Shanks gave her allowance her every month, a rather nice allowance every-month.

In all honesty, (Name) could have retired from cheerleading but she truly loved the sport. Shanks wanted to see her practice but was too busy with work to watch, instead Shanks was fortunate to see a more intimate version of (Name)’s practice moves.

Shanks fell in love with that.

(Name) was falling in love with red haired man not because of his money but how sweet and thoughtful he was, the sex was an added bonus.

On the football field, (Name) was shy as she and the millions of others watched the new commercial that Shanks company had just finished on the huge television screens that the stadium had. The audience was cheering and (Name)’s teammates hugged and cheered her as well.

A sure fire hit.

Still, all the attention she received was a bit overwhelming but it was also a good feeling.

Once the game was over news-reporters were all over the cheerleaders and football players, not to mention all the high rollers that attended the game.

“What’s your relationship with Shanks?!”

“What was it like making the commercial?”

(Name) and Shanks were bombarded with questions from the paparazzi and news reporters. It was all new for the new cheerleader as she tried to answer all their questions, however for the CEO it was just another day.

Shanks did get a surprise from the cheerleaders as the head captain wanted to take a picture with the wealthy CEO and his board, one big group picture for  the major new reporters seeing as how they would be talking about the games for the next week.

It was supposed to be harmless group photo.

However, the CEO had to have a little fun with his sexy sugar baby.

While the group was huddled up close together smiling for the camera Shanks and (Name) were hugging side by side just like everyone else, Shanks slowly eased his hand from the small of (Name)’s back to her ass causing her to hold in her gasp and hide her surprise all while trying to smile like a crazy person.

Shanks had an perfect smile in the photo however, mainly because he was secretly laughing.

it was rather late when (Name) made it over to Shanks’s home and she let the man know just how she felt about his little stunt that he pulled. Not that Shanks cared much as he played as though he didn’t know what she was talking about with a big grin on his face.

“Okay then, if this is the game you want to play. No sex tonight.”

(Name) had her arms crossed to her chest with a smile on her face with her cheerleading outfit still on, the news made Shanks lose his grin fairly quickly and his tune changed completely.

“Now wait a second, it was-I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Oh yeah? I have been wanting to go on your yacht here lately with my friends.”

Shanks grimaced while thinking of an answer, his yacht that he just purchased was not just expensive but was custom made and it was his “toy”. (Name) knew this as she was there when it was finally finished.

“My yacht huh?”

“Yes, a all girls vacation.”

A heavy sigh left Shanks as he scratched his head as he thought about the situation, (Name) didn’t have to as she knew Shanks most likely wouldn’t go for it and would come up with another solution but it was entertaining to see the CEO thinking and softly talking to himself.

“Fine, we have a deal.”

Shanks extended his head for (Name) to shake but the cheerleader was surprised that the man agreed as she looked at his hand then back to him. Shanks gave her a look that conveyed “shake my hand.” But (Name) hid her hand behind her back while Shanks was a bit confused.

“Are you sure? I mean, it’s your precious yacht.”

“True, but having you for the night is more valuable.”

Shanks responded calmly responded back to the now bashful cheerleader who was turned on by Shanks’s words and the man didn’t even realize until a few seconds later as a sly smile came to his face.

“Come on, shake on it.”

Shanks teased as he waited for his sugar baby to shake his hand and with a smile she finally shook Shanks’s hand.

That same hand that (Name) shook Shanks’s hand with would leave scratch marks down his back.

it was a good thing (Name) had good stamina with flexibility as Shanks had her in various in positions throughout the night, his thick cock stretched her and his lengthy cock filled all her pussy leaving little to no room with her legs on his broad shoulders as he savagely hit her g-spot over and over again.

The room was filled with (Name)’s shameless moans and even when she covered her mouth to muffle herself as she took all of Shanks’s cock but the man removed her hand from her mouth and held down her wrist to the bed as a little chuckle came from Shanks when he did this and when he heard her whimper his name he teased her by saying her name in a teasing voice. Which only made the him moan as he felt her tighten on his cock making his cock twitch a few times inside her achingly needy cunt.

“Say it. Say it for me.”

Again.

Shanks was teasing her as she knew what Shanks meant and she moaned his name quickly this time in a “don’t make me say it.” But since the first time Shanks heard her say it he wanted to always hear her say it everytime he was deep inside her. Whispering “I’ll stop fucking you if you don’t say it.” (Name) begged him not to as she knew Shanks would keep to his word.  “Give me more, daddy.” The headboard made one “bang” noise followed by several more as (Name)’s whimpers and moans echoed throughout Shanks’s room as Shanks muttered “mine” and “that’s fucking right”  over and over as he rutted his hips against hers as his cock already leaking pre-cum inside her cunt.

Shanks practically had his way with her as (Name) gave herself over to lust and her desires. Not caring if she sounded like a porn star all that mattered to her was the mind numbing orgasm that was rising, Shanks did manage to kiss her on the cheek and instead holding her wrist down he held her hand.

Before long, Shanks was now moaning as he felt his own orgasm arriving while muttering “so good” and “you like that, huh?” The way (Name) felt on his cock made Shanks say things he normally wouldn’t, he could only describe the feeling of when he fucked his sugar baby as perfect.

She was perfect.

When both reached their orgasm Shanks knew he was in love with his sugar baby as his cock twitched excitedly inside (Name)’s cunt filling it to the brim as she did a small shiver at the feeling as she tried to catch her breath and regaining composure while thinking to herself Shanks really was a beast in bed and the perfect sugar daddy.

A perfect man.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes..I’m okay. That was amazing.”

(Name) complimented as she steadied tried to catch her breath but gasped when Shanks slowly seperated her legs down and pushed them down far as they could go testing out her flexibility as he had been all night with a devilish smile on his face.

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, but we are not done baby girl. Far from it.”

A soft “oh god” left (Name)’s lips.

While (Name) had the flexibility, Shanks had the stamina.

A few weeks later, Shanks was in his office on break when he received a text message from his sugar baby which put a smile on his face. Especially when he saw that the text message was actually a video.

Shanks watched (Name) doing some of her practice moves in her cheerleading uniform making him hot and bothered already as he caught glimpses of her black briefs as she spun in her mini skirt.

At the ending, (Name) blew a kiss in the camera and then winked followed by saying, “I hope you like my moves, daddy. See you later.”

Shanks was caught off guard as he almost dropped his phone on the floor and quickly replaying the last few seconds…

Over and over.

Shanks did take a break only to give his sugar baby a surprise gift of not only more money but to order her yacht and he then went back to watch the video.

✨Rukia-Writes✨

[douvle-eh]

these are the days it never rains (but it pours)

these are the days it never rains (but it pours)

Summary: Jason stays at the manor after an injury and learns a few things about Dick and maybe offer some comfort. Just Jason trying to be a good brother. Gen.

An: I love a good dad Bruce as much as the next guy but sometimes I also like to indulge in bad dad Bruce so….here you go. If you don’t like abusive Bruce (mentioned only) please don’t read this. Also don’t expect this to make any sense. My writing process works like this - I have random dialogue that pop in my head and at times it’s hard to make sense of what I’m trying to get thru but I just build the sentences around those dialogues.

 -----

It’s raining.

Jason watches as the rain blurs the view from the huge window. A flash of lightning races by, thunder comes a few seconds later indicating that the storm is passing, though knowing Gotham the rain would be staying with them for another week before it clears up to its usual smog.

He lets out a sigh. It’s bad enough that he got hurt in a routine patrol; it was worst that the bat brats had run into him during his struggle to crawl to his safe house and had gone ahead and snitched to Nightwing. The blue bird had forced him to go back to the cave and together with Alfred, they were able to convince him to stay the night or until he healed (though they all knew he would sneak away before then).

Honestly, he would have chosen bleeding out in an alley way to this.

He turns back to the room. They’re in one of the smaller living rooms (Jason still rolls his eyes at the luxury of the manor, who needs multiple living rooms? He never did get use to it) the room is a warm neutral color and consists of two large couches, a love seat and two armchairs (one of which he’s currently sitting on) all positioned to face the large fireplace.

It amazes Jason that everyone is here, and when he says everyone, he means even Duke is here and Jason feels more like an outsider than ever.

He’s tried his hardest to stay away, making sure that he never accidentally run into them but surprise surprise here he is, talk about the worst family reunion. And though the tension between them isn’t as bad as it was before, it’s still awkward.

Duke and Cass give him curious glances, Steph smiles at him when he catches her eye but he hasn’t spoken to them in who knows how long. Tim glances at him warily as if waiting for him to start something, and Damian glares his way whenever they meet eyes. Don’t even get him started on Bruce. The man hasn’t even given him a passing glance. The only one who’s at least trying to pull him in a conversation is Dick and he doesn’t care for the look Dick is giving him, like a puppy who’s head butting you to get your attention because he knows you’re sad.

God, this was hell, sure he’s no longer activity trying to kill them, but they’re far from being a happy family. No matter how hard Dickie’s trying to keep the family together, it’s just too much hard feelings and not enough effort on all their parts.

Besides, the manor brings too many memories with it. Everything pretty much looks the same as it did when he was younger save for a few new pictures and knick knacks. The furniture is the same, the set up of the room, even the weather is the same.

He still remembers the time he spent curled up on the couch reading a book during rainy days as the fireplace warmed him from the Gotham freeze. Bruce would be by him reading his own book and kid him used to hope that this could go on forever, that maybe after all that life had given him that he finally found a place to belong. He remembers looking up at Bruce and getting a smile back, he remembers…he remembers… fire… pain… betrayal-

Suddenly, he feels like he’s floating, like his whole being is just his eyes, like he’s just watching everything happening as his body becomes numb. There is a crushing emptiness in his chest and he has the feeling of being closed in, the room is too crowded, too hot and the voices start to mesh together.

He needs to get out.

Jason takes in a sharp breath silencing the conversation between some of them and is ready to stand up (screw his broken leg). He pushes himself out of the chair and sees Dick standing up ready to help. He shakes his head at his older brother and starts to limp out but stops when he hears a clipped voice from someone entering the room.

“I do hope Master Jason that you’re not thinking about leaving.” Jason turns to the butler (grandfather & caregiver) before he pastes on a smile trying to ignore his siblings’ questioning gaze.

“Of course not Alfie, just gonna walk around a bit, I mean what do you take me for?”

“The fact that you’re not even supposed to be on that leg, much less be walking around; I would say an idiot sir.” Jason grimaces as the younger kids titter at that, he really should have just stayed in that alley and drowned in the rain.

He sits back down and carefully lifts his leg back up.

Dick pulls out a table which Alfred lays the tray of drinks on. He looks at him with a silent question of ‘Are you ok?’ and Jason just nods curtly at him; he really didn’t need the golden boy fussing over him acting like the perfect caring older brother. He knows that’s all bull anyways, just guilt and regret working behind those feelings.

He turns back to the eyes staring at him and narrows his own ready to let them know where they can shove it, but before he gets the chance, Dick interrupts. The eldest turns back to his younger siblings and smiles as he heads next to Damian on the couch. The younger ones gazes automatically follow Dick to where he sits. Jason snorts, Dick Grayson - Ever the center of attention.

“Did I ever tell you guys about the time Bruce and I convinced the whole league that I was a ghost?” Dick starts and Jason sees the family perk at this. Steph stands up and walks closer to Dick, a gleeful smile on her face.

“Oooo, tell me more.”

Dick leans back and throws a hand around Damian’s shoulder, collecting his thoughts before he continues.

“Well, when I was eight it was my first time at the Watchtower and I wasn’t really known as Robin yet, but I was able to talk Bruce –“

“Beg.” Bruce interrupts while Dick rolls his eyes.

“Begged Bruce to let me visit,” he amended before continuing “Anyway, so I went with Bruce to the Watchtower, I guess you can imagine how a lot of the heroes viewed Batman at that time. He was the dark knight all grime, vengeance and ‘I work alone’ hero and suddenly he shows up with a kid dressed up like a traffic light with scaly underwear…” Jason lets his brothers’ story become his anchor as the feeling in his chest lightens and the memories slowly unravel until they disappear for the night. He watches as Dick talks animatedly, he has the attention of everyone in the room as he makes them laugh about his shenanigans and pokes fun at Bruce when the man tries to add to the story or correct what he thought was a mistake.

Jason knows it’s immature of him but as he watches Dick he feels a sting of jealously for the easy way that Dick Grayson could make Bruce relax while he tells stories that to them sound like fairy tales. He’s sure that all of his siblings felt the same jealousy.

Dick Grayson was a charmer, charismatic in a way that’s different from Bruce, more genuine. Maybe it’s his background as a circus performer or maybe it’s because out of all of their siblings he was the only one really grew up with loving parents. But Dick Grayson could soften rock and mold it like clay.

Dick continues with another story from his childhood with Bruce. A Bruce none of them really know. The one who read bedtime stories with funny voices, who readily gave hugs and kisses and sweet nicknames and one who showed that he loved and cared. Of course Jason can’t fault him for it though, Dick was Bruce’s first kid, and Dick had just turned eight at that time, meaning Bruce had him when he was younger than all of them, when he hadn’t lost so many people yet and still had enough light and hope and control over his life.

Dick knew Bruce at a different time, he knew a Bruce that none of them ever had the chance of meeting and for that he was sure all of them listen to his stories with a sense of awe and jealousy.

Jason knows that Dick regrets it, had spoken to him enough to realize that the other man blamed himself for it. He had once confined to him before (under the influence) saying that he felt that his failings made Bruce the way he is, that he messed it up for his younger siblings, that maybe if he had been a better robin, son or partner that there would have been more of Bruce left for them.

Jason wished for that too, but it’s not like him to wonder too long about that. He can’t torture himself about what he should have gotten from Bruce as his son; he let his life be ruled by that long enough.

Dick turns to him and smiles, his eyes bright as he basks in his siblings’ laughter and their questions.

Yeah Dick was just the lucky one, the favorite, the golden child - it was nothing against them.

 ----

 Jason wakes up in his old room and he’s surprised that he fell asleep in the first place. He stares into the darkness before he starts to get restless, he sits up quickly hoping to escape the memories creeping at the edge of is vision. Carefully he brings his legs down and pushes himself to stand wobbling only for a second before he’s limping out of the door. Jason knows that Alfred wouldn’t be too happy with him walking around his leg, but he can’t stand to be in his room right now.

He thinks maybe he should head for the kitchen to get a drink and see if they have any sleeping pills he could take. He hates those things but it’s better than roaming around the manor like a sad ghost. God wouldn’t that just complete his night.

He’s in the hallway but stops when he hears voices from the study. The door is cracked open and the voices are soft enough that he can’t really understand the words. Quietly he peeks in and realizes that the owners of the voices aren’t exactly in the room. Even with a broken leg Jason is able to skillfully lighten his footsteps and quietly push the door open. The study is empty but he can hear the voices a little bit clearer now.

When he steps in, he realizes that the grandfather clock that hides the cave is open and as he gets closer he can finally hear the voices. It’s Dick and Bruce, he sticks close to the wall as he tries to make sense of their argument.

Really he’s not surprised, Dick and Bruce had always had arguments, seems like they never really grew out of it. He should probably leave, it’s not like he never heard it all before, it usually had Dick trying to talk some sense to Bruce and Bruce arguing that he was wrong. He tries to turn when he suddenly hears his name.

“You need to get over yourself Bruce, Jason is up there and you can’t even say a single word to him. He’s taken the steps, he’s slowly opening up to us, but you have to do your part. You’re his father.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me.” Bruce answers gruffly and Jason realizes that Bruce’s voice sound almost … distant. This wasn’t Bruce Wayne talking, this was Batman.

“How do you know? You’ve never spoken to him.”

“I’ve tried” Jason wants to snort at this; really he couldn’t have guessed with the way that Bruce has been acting all night, “it doesn’t end well.”

“Well, were you listening? And I mean really listening, not telling him what or how to feel or pushing your morals on to him.”

“He needs to understa-“

“He does, he’s trying!” Dick interrupts, his voice rising and Jason can just imagine him running a hand thru his hair in exasperation. “He hasn’t killed anyone in a while; he’s been using rubber bullets, he’s been curbing his anger even I can see it and I…I don’t know what you want from him Bruce.”

“He knows what I want.”

“No Bruce, he doesn’t and right now I don’t think even you know what you want. You’re just afraid.” There’s a silence between them and Jason slowly moves his leg to ease the weight, he thinks maybe they were done before Dick whispers out “You haven’t changed one bit from when I first met you.” Jason sucks in a breath as he hears the weight of disappointment and he’s confused. What did Dick mean that Bruce hasn’t changed?

Bruce is confused too and asks “What?”

“You’re still that same person from when I was eight. When I just lost my parents and you took me in. Don’t get me wrong you were great, you helped me and loved me and you were what I needed. You gave me a reason to go on but there were times when I felt like I was the one taking care of you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I tried my best.”

“I know you did but I quickly realized that I had to deal with your emotions that you never dealt with when your own parents died and…and maybe the reason why we got along so well when I was a kid was because to me it felt like we were just two kids in a big house who understood each other because of our shared tragedies. But the moment I started to move on and leave my hurts behind I realized that you never would.” Dick voice sounds exhausted as he continues, “I was growing up but I still felt like I had to be there to support you. I had to become the adult for you, and I’m still doing that Bruce. Anytime there’s a situation where you can’t handle emotionally you start pushing people away. You’re so afraid of losing them and I have to come here every time to fix your relationship for you and to tell you how to deal with it. I’m just so tired - mentally, emotionally I was spreading myself so thin just so you could feel better about yourself.”

“I never asked.”

“Oh of course not...you would never ask for help, you’re so afraid of loving those kids Bruce but they already love you. God they would do anything for you and so would I, but I’m not going to let you take advantage of them and raise them the way you raised me. It’s too late for me because I can’t refuse you anymore, but I can fight for them. I know what it’s like to be at the end of your disappointment Bruce, you’ve brainwashed me into a pathetic robot that needs your love and approval.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is, you don’t know how much I’ve given up or done just to get your approval Bruce. My job, my friends, my own team,” At this Dick’s voice gets a little desperate  as Jason leans more heavily on the wall next to the clock, “What more do you want, what more does Jason have to give up, he already gave you his life!”

“Get out.” The voice growls out and Jason steadies himself ready to leave just in case Dick come ups.

“No, this is what I mean Bruce, the minute I try to make you face your own emotions and-“

“I said get out!”

“-start acting like a father for once-“

“Leave!”

“No!”

“Get out before-“

“Before what?! You hit me again?!” Jason feels himself freeze at that, no, that’s…that not what Dick meant, sure Batman had beaten Jason before, but that was before he knew who he was and was pit-crazy. Jason is sure Dick didn’t mean that Bruce would hit one of his kids for no reason, he’s not like Willis. Bruce was always supposed to be safe. But Dick continues “…because you can’t control me or because you don’t want to hear what I have to say? Go ahead, blame me for everything! Hit me! You know I’m pathetic enough to come crawling back asking for forgiveness so just do it!”

Jason waits, his heartbeat pulsing in his ears as he prepares to intervene, he waits for a slap, a punch, anything. He knows that if Bruce did lay a hand on Dick that he would run down the cave and throw his own fists in even if he has to crawl down.

“That…was a mistake.” Bruce finally answers and he hears a short laugh, bitter filled and mocking.

“Of course it was, the first time.” Then in a tired voice he adds, “and I’ve forgiven you for all of them Bruce.”

Suddenly Jason feels so betrayed, not just by Bruce but by Dick too. Dick always tried to get them to talk, to open up, and to make sure that they didn’t end up keeping things inside so it didn’t eat them up or destroy them. He made sure that Bruce was treating them ok and told them to come to him should they feel the need too. Yet he hid in the dark his own troubles, and Dick for years had preached to them to heal and in shame he had wiped up his tears with a smile and hid ugly bruises and bloody lips in the dark shadows of their broken family.

Again he thought about what he had been jealous of Dick about. Yes, Dick knew a Bruce they didn’t, a Bruce who had less control of his anger, whose parents’ death still felt fresh especially after taking in Dick, and whose life for years had revolved around the mask and nothing else. Bruce had to learn to open up again and his mistakes left their mark on his oldest child.

The silence stretches and Jason wonders now if they’re done. He wonders who will leave first, Dick or Bruce? The answer doesn’t surprise him when Dick starts once again.

“Bruce…” the voice beseeches softly and Jason knows even after all that Dick is the one reaching out for forgiveness. Jason doesn’t think he can handle this anymore, he flees. Quickly he wobbles out of the study, he goes back to the hall way and finds his way to his room, the conversation still tearing thru his mind.

God he hates himself. He knows that Dick and Bruce never had a perfect relationship; he was there front and center for most of their fights when he was a kid. And just like how Dick knew a different Bruce Jason knew a different Dick, he wasn’t always the perfect brother; he remembers when he was an angry teen, one who had felt betrayed after his mantle had been taken from him. He remembers the glare that Dick had given him looking like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. And he remembers the Dick Grayson who didn’t want nor care for that title of older brother.

He gets to his room and steadies himself on the nightstand as he sits on the bed. He grabs at his head pulling the strands of his hair, damn it damn it damn it.

He shouldn’t have listened in, he was perfectly content to imagine that Dick and Bruce had a great relationship and that everything had worked out after he died, because if not…what does that mean for him and the rest of his siblings? That if the golden child of the family couldn’t get approval from Bruce, was all their efforts and sacrifices all for nothing? Was his death all for nothing?

“Jay?” Jason turns to the door where Dick is peering at him, the light from the hallway shadowing his face.

“Knock.” He grits out and the older man tilts his head and even though Jason can’t see his face he knows that he probably has that damned look of his again.

“I did. Can I come in?”

“’sa free country.” Dick takes a moment before he walks in and sits on the bed by him.

“Nightmares?” Dick asks and Jason wishes it was. Nightmares he could deal with.

“Yeah sure.” There’s an awkward silence between them, Jason doesn’t know if Dick knew he had heard his argument with Bruce, so he asks. “What are you doing up?”

“Just…checking on everyone, Tim has a bad habit of staying up way past when he should and Steph and Cass sometimes gets the idea of baking in the middle of the night with Babs on the phone.”

Jason turns to look at the man and tries to imagine the bruises on his face. Imagines his excuses and his smiles and his avoidance of any questions about them with practiced ease, and they as non metas are used to making excuses for unexplained bruises.

Jason wonders how Dick could handle it, being in the presence of his abuser. How can he smile and joke and trust the person who’s beaten him down and made him feel less…but in a way he can understand. Bruce wasn’t someone you could easily leave and forget. Bruce could bring people together, push them to do their best and light up their passion to fight for something. He left you feeling like you could own the world, but the minute you turn to him for approval he stares back at you like you haven’t done enough so you push on, dragging your broken body and splintered mind begging for another chance.

Dick wasn’t wrong, Bruce had a way to make you feel pathetic. Hell, he was only with Bruce for a few years and he’s still chasing after the guys love and approval, he couldn’t imagine being under him for almost two decades and living thru all his drama and trying to make sense of his messed up emotions. Let alone managing it and trying to piece out the puzzle of his psyche so it could be presented as normal for others so no one else had to deal with it.

“Jay?” Jason looks into concerned eyes and realizes that he hasn’t said anything, “did you…want to talk about it? It may help.” Jason holds himself back from laughing mockingly at this, Dick was the biggest hypocrite. Yeah, talk about it; it’ll help Jason and all the while Dick tightened the reins on his own problems.

He thinks about taking the things he’s heard from the cave and just throwing it back on Dicks face, start yelling at him for his idiocy until he’s hoarse and shake his shoulders to get him to spill everything.

He wants to punch him in the face (and sees the irony of that) and tell him everything wrong with what he’s doing and if it had been him a few months ago he would have. Just let him have it and damned the consequences.

He knows that people see him as nothing more than a muscled wall of anger who doesn’t think and who lets his fists and guns do all the talking but Jason wasn’t just a bomb waiting to happen (barring the first few years after his resurrection). Many seem to forget that he was reasonable too. He was level headed enough and could fix a problem without his guns. Otherwise he would never make it as a respected crime lord or a vigilante that could hold candle to Batman himself.

So he tries a different tactic, maybe bring up his past and lay down a picture for Dick to compare to, or at least see how deep this rabbit hole went.

“I never really knew my dad.” He starts, trying to sound nostalgic, “He was in and out of prison most of the time.” Dick scoots closer and Jason sees him getting ready to comfort, his eyes are open and sad and Jason wonders how many times Dick has lent a shoulder to someone that his actions right now is automatic, that in just a few seconds his face and his eyes soften to look caring and empathetic.

“But when he was around … well it wasn’t bad, I mean it wasn’t like some other kids in our neighborhood. Just a smack here and there for talking back or not doing what he asked. He broke my wrist once, but …” He glances at Dick and he sees him nod understandingly urging him to go on.

“I deserved it.”

“No Jay,” Dick shakes his head, anger in his eyes and Jason can see how strongly Dick feels about it, “no one deserves that. That’s abuse, he had no right to hit you.”

Jason nods slowly; at least he knows Dick knows abuse for what it is.

“Yeah? Did your dad ever hit you?”

“Never.” Dick answers with conviction so Jason chooses now to strike.

“Did Bruce?” At this Dick stiffens and realization dawns in his eyes, he knows that Jason had heard. Jason watches as suddenly Dick puts up a guard, something unnamed flashes in his eyes and suddenly he pulls back.

“That…that’s different.”

Jason is quick to answer now, “Yeah, you’re right. I mean it doesn’t matter if he’s smacked me a few times then right? Or Tim or Damian?” Dick’s face suddenly looses all color before his jaws tighten and his hands ball into fists.

“That’s not fair.”

Jason laughs bitterly.  “What’s not fair? That I’m calling you out for playing the martyr again?”

“I’m not-“

“Oh fess up, you don’t get to act like a self righteous prick and talk about how Bruce can’t face his problems when you’re doing the same thing.” They’re quiet again and Jason wonders if anyone else can hear them. He can see Dick’s hands shaking and he feels enough pity to give him a way out. “Fine, tell me this, the times that Bruce hit you, was it when you were in costume? Cuz, hey, I can understand that, it comes with the territory, but Bruce has no right to hit you outside of it.”

The silence is all that Jason needs to hear for an answer and he feels his blood boiling. He wants to ask, ask what led to Bruce hitting him outside of their costume, ask what he said and what he did that made him think he warranted Bruce’s fists, but as he stares at Dick he knows he won’t get an answer. Dick Grayson would rather die with his secrets than ruin any semblance of peace he has found between them. And Jason thinks maybe Dick is trying to do him a favor by not telling him.

“He didn’t mean it.” Dick whispers and they both know how that sounds.

‘They didn’t mean it’

‘They were just angry’

‘It’s my fault’

‘They promised it won’t happen again.’

It’s the loud slam of his fist on the nightstand that makes them both jump. Jason didn’t even realize how deeply he’s breathing, but he can’t help it, if he hears another excuse from Dick he’s gonna stand up and start screaming and wake the whole house. He’ll throw everything down and tear it all raw and all the anger and darkness in their family would be splayed on the floor. But he knows if he does that Dick would never be the same, no matter what anyone says Dick has been the main reason that their family is surviving, he’s filled the holes, hid the secrets, soothe the hurts. He’s given his blood, sweat and tears into making it somewhat functional. It wasn’t perfect, he failed many times (and Jason can’t help but be bitter about the fact that he’s one of those failings) but he also did a lot of things right. He never gave up on any of them and to tear it all down now would break him, because Dick was the heart of this family and the family was his heart.

And for all of Bruce’s flaws and secrets Jason knows he cares for them, either because they were useful to him or because they fit in his agenda of saving Gotham in a never ending mission. He can’t help but feel disgusted by the fact that he cares about Bruce too, that even with every secret that’s being ripped open showing Jason how messed up he is, Jason still cares.

But…he can’t let Dick keep doing this to himself, keeping those secrets. Hiding the emotional, mental and physical bruises. Someday Dick will break under that and the family will follow right after. He knows it isn’t much, (too little, too late) but he may keep the family from falling apart just a little longer.

“Promise me,” he looks Dick right in the eyes because he wants him to know that this isn’t arguable, “if Bruce lays a hand on you again that you come to me.” Jason finalizes what he has to say to make sure that Dick understands, “And if you don’t and I find out, I’m done. I’m out of this family.”

Dick tries to read his eyes while surprise, confusion and hesitance shine back in his own. The array of emotions doesn’t surprise Jason, he’s been slow to fixing his relationship with the eldest. And he’s been guilty of leaving everything to Dick when things go south, ignoring his pleas and outstretched hands when he needed help so much so that Dick learned to do things on his own while barely keeping himself a float. He figured out how to come up every once in a while to breathe before being pulled down again.

So Jason tries.  

“I know that…that I may not be the first person for you to talk to and it might not mean a lot now since I haven’t been around but…“he tries to find the words, settles on the truth and aims to hit Dick where it matters, his sense of duty to their family “we’re the older brothers right? We protect the family. Together. It’s my burden to share.”

He can see Dick’s eyes shine before a fight starts in them, sees as Dick looks at every angle of his offer. Jason can slowly start to see the acceptance in his eyes but he also knows that Dick will always carry the heavier load on his own back.

“I’m not asking you to tell me all of your secrets Dick. Just like I will never tell you all of mine, I just want to be there when you deal with Bruce’s bull headedness and misplaced anger. That’s all I ask.”

Jason doesn’t know how long he waits, but he counts it as a win when Dick doesn’t automatically leave or smile it off.

Lighting flashes and the thunder echoes before Dick scoots closer to him. Before long he feels a weight on his shoulder as Dick finally lets himself relax even if it’s just for a little while.

It’s this that Jason realizes for the first time (at three in the morning on a rainy night in his old room surrounded by everything he left behind) that he finally feels like he’s part of the family. That along with his older brother they would keep the secrets together so that their growing family could someday find peace.

He lays his cheek on his brothers head and feels something expanding in his chest trying to lodge the ball in his throat out. No, this isn’t the time, Dick needs him to be the strong one right now.

So he pushes the feeling down and listens as the rain outside continues to pour.

END

Why can't we give love that one more chance?

'Cause love's such an old fashioned word And love dares you to care for The people on the edge of the night

And love dares you to change our way of Caring about ourselves

 This is ourselves under pressure…

 -       Under pressure by Queen/David Bowie

[blackicephantom]

The black dragon and the coward CH. 12

Note: I know your all waiting for something different, but this needs to happen first. Trust me. Please tell me what you think, because i feel a little insecure about this one......

Please enjoy!

Tagged: @patolemus , @runestarchild

- . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -

Somewhere in the ocean

A long, serpentine, figure swam slowly through the water, when it felt a certain kind of vibration. The fins on its head tried to locate the origin, but to no avail. Then something poked him at the back of his mind and he started to surface. The blue scales glimmered in the sunlight and the slim face rose skyward. Just a single moment and he heard the cry, the call to come home.

With a swift jump he dove back into the depths of the water, only to jump back out in a high arch and with his own melodious cry. His main fins spread wide and his tail finished his elegant form.

The Oceanblue Raindragon recognized and answered the call to arms. And in a show of power dark storm clouds started to form and seconds later heavy rain fell upon the earth and the sea.

Once his body was back in the water he took the course back home.

Colonello, the Oceanblue Raindragon, swam swiftly and as fast as he could. His family was waiting for him.

Deep in the mountains

Fon sat quietly near his den, when the wind started to pick up and dark clouds started to form. Electricity shot up his spine and he shuddered. He stood up and watched as all the birds stopped singing and the wind howled louder and louder. Red flames engulfed his form and scales replaced soft skin.

In one smooth movement he circled a few times around the mountain he dwelled in, so that his upper body and head are even with the mountain's peak. His mane and his whiskers danced in the wind and he knew. Just then a roar echoed thru his stoney valley and resonated with his own wish and desire.

He rose up, slightly above the mountain top and sang his own song to join that of his brothers. A rough and yet calm sound left his throat and the winds around him turned themselves into little hurricanes and storms, ready to cut down the land itself.

He knew that he said he would look for Kyoya but it seems that this will have to wait, just a little bit longer. As the last note of his cry faded away, he took to the sky and started in the direction of the forest he had left only days prior.

The Bloodred Stormdragon heard and heeded the call to arms.

Inside a secret lab

Beeping filled the dark room a lonesome and glasses wearing figure occupied. Many monitors showed him just as many sceneries and yet nothing changed. He’s been in this laboratory for years now, researching everything that came to mind, but mostly ways to protect his own, so that what happened on that fateful day would not repeat itself. And he’s been waiting. Waiting for that one moment…… Verde knew that his home underground was anything but optional, but he also knew Reborn….. and all the others…..

Suddenly almost all of his instruments measured impossible data. The displays went highwire and a few displays even broke down due to the sudden intensity. A smirk and a low chuckle escaped him. Of course this would happen shortly after he thought about it.

He stood up, ignoring all his different machines and displays and went to the small lift he built to make his way to the surface. On the ride up he thought about many things. Even about his fellow Arcobaleno….. which was more than unusual. But it has been a few years now. And just as Reborn has said: this years have felt like they went by in the blink of an eye for him.

Once he was back above the ground he took a deep breath and looked around.

Unlike what his instruments had shown him, the world was silent. And that could only mean one thing: he was not alone. But out of all the people that knew him, only two could really find him. The first one is the one to call them home and the other one the silent killer in their ranks.

He watched as mist slowly crawled along the ground, which confirmed his suspicion.

A small rustling reached his ears and he just stood still and quiet, once again waiting. Next came hissing and a long indigo coloured body, only seen in parts. The mist grew thicker with every passing moment and the long body started to draw steadily closer. Then there was someone behind him but he doesn’t turn around. Doesn’t need to.

“I see that you’ve found me, Viper.” A hissed laugh was his answer and just as the mist and the stillness had appeared, it vanished. Suddenly there were howling winds and pouring rain and, most importantly, the still sounding roar of their own kin.

Both Arcobaleno looked up into the slowly graying sky and knew it was time.

With the flash of a single lightning bolt a massive creature stood amidst the green. A long maw and strong legs were the most prominent features, closely followed by the sparking yellow spikes that run along it’s back and tail and its dark green scales. Lightning crashed into the trees and rushed through the clouds above while a thick misty blanket fell over the earth, obscuring the view of all that dared to look.

Around that massive body the other one curled in on himself, his body slowly growing and a pair of thin looking wings sprouting from his form.

And thus two more voices joined the almighty song of the weather.

A low and rumbling growl from the Forestgreen Lightningdragon and a deafening yet silent screech from the Indigoblue Mistdragon. Thous two also heard the call to arms and were ready to take back what was once stolen. Their answer resonated with the cries of their brothers and no sooner were they on their way. One digging his way home and the other silently sliding close behind him.

In a village on the other end of the continent

Chains rattled as another foolish human tried to get too close to him, his tails trashing behind him. It's been ages that he has seen the sky or breathed fresh air. These villagers only caught him by sheer luck and a great deal of misfortune on his part.

The long spikes along his back vibrated gently and he raised his head, ignoring the weapons that were pointed at him. The air was charged with something…..exciting. A familiar tension filling his core and making his heart pound. It was like the thrill right before a battle and he fucking missed this. He wanted to stretch his wings, follow the clouds he was born in but this stupid chains kept him grounded.

Then there was a rumbling, right outside his meager cage. He watched as lightning tore through the sky and rain started up, which got stronger and stronger with every passing minute. His anticipation grew as the wind turned into cutting blades, almost blowing his captors away. A storm was brewing and he knew exactly who started it. So he concentrated on the wind, on the vibrations in the air and every sound that comes from somewhere farther away. And there it was: a melody so long forgotten and yet still so beautiful and familiar. The song of his family! It was time to return!

Clouds gathered all around the Village and blocked the usually bright sun. People were starting to panic and the guards that are supposed to keep watch over him became scared. His tails trashed again right before three became one and his two wings became four. Because of the increased mass of his wings the chains keeping him down broke and because of the decreased number of tails the chains keeping him pinned slipped away. He was almost free, yesssss, he could almost taste it! Only thing left to destroy was the cage keeping him here. Four wings returned to being two and one tail became three again and with the spiked tips he just slashed his way to freedom, cutting through the iron bars like nothing.

Taking a running start he swept into the air, chirping his own answer to the long overdue call to arms. The Violentpurple Clouddragon, Skull, was on his way home. Six feathered wings carried him towards his brothers, his purple scales riddled with scars.

The clouds accompanied him and shrouded his figure from view.

Back with Tsuna and Reborn

As Reborn finished his roar he settled back down and listened while he still supported Tsuna at his side. He too could feel the return of the boy's fire and couldn’t help his smirk. Iemitsu and the other foolish have no fucking idea what’s awaiting them.

From far away both could see dark clouds gathering, followed by pounding rain and destructive lightning. The slight breeze slowly grew into turbulent winds which in turn evolved into a raging storm. The air turned humid and the dragon watched satisfied as mist started to spread through the forest. Then he listened as one after another all their voices came together as a unique and beautiful song. All their specific tunes come together but something is still missing…… That’s the moment Reborn hears a soft humming, a tune that Luce used to sing….. It’s a soft lullaby that she sang for the kids.

Roaring once again the Midnightblack Sundragon completed the harmony.

The sky was once again filled with all the raging elements, waiting to avenge the dragon that’s been slain unjustified so long ago and to take revenge for all this undeserved pain and torment.

Inside of Vongola Nono’s office

Timoteo wasn’t an idiot. When he got the notice that Tsuna was missing, again, he knew that something was up. That thous three other boys were not to be found either worried him beyond belief. But when the weather started to change he clasped his hands together and started to pray, because this could only mean one thing.

The Arcobaleno were about to gather. And where the seven strongest get together, calamity almost always follows. And without a sky to soothe their rage he sees no hope for the village and his people. He saw what they could do while trying to protect someone. Now they didn’t have this luxury. He knew that something like this would happen someday, was even prepared to face the dragon's wrath this time. But he had his own duties to fulfill.

A knock on his door interrupted his thoughts and one of his guards entered. “Nono, our mages have returned.” He gave an affirmative hum and sighed. Before the guard could leave again Timoteo called out to him. “Please send in Coyote and the others, it’s an emergency.”

Timoteo, Vongola Nono, hoped against hope and prayed to all gods that would listen that the tragedy would not repeat itself. But when this haunting roar sounds again in the distance, Nono knows that their chances of survival are very slim to none existent. `Please have mercy, oh kind one and spare us the pain. Let us not spill innocent blood, let us not condemn our children.´ It was an old prayer, one that Vongola Primo taught in his time, but Nono has no other option left. A single tear slid down his wrinkled cheek.

`Oh kind one, let us live peacefully and in joy with the dragons harmony, sung in a lovely lullaby.´

_TBC_

[thecrenellations]

Return of the Thief Notes, Part One: The Book of Pheris, Volume I

Notes from my first read, October 2020. (Part Two | Part Three | TaT)

Contents:  "So, so, so” watch, Costis watch, swearing, trashing the king’s attendants, being objectively wrong, boundless enthusiasm and love 

I promise I’ve had more developed thoughts since these often incoherent ones, but I’ve enjoyed having these notes to refer to - for sentimental reasons and for  entertainment, so here they are, for others who enjoy liveblogs and/or being whisked back in time to their first read of this wonderful book.

Format: Page number. My thoughts (Context?)

Dedication, Table of Contents, Exordium:

There it is – to Sounis

Exordium – vocab #1

Interregnum?!? Alyta?

Pheris!!!

Yeah I love him from the first page

MOIRA

MOCKING COMMENTS HELP! Gen lives!

A new level of unreliable narrator

Moira, messages of Gods, Pheris, messages of __

Wtf is going on in this study? A zoo?

high king vs great king vs annux?

okie dokie dude

Chapter 1

1. Susa – Costis

2. Infirmity – who gets to be hero/tell story (I started reading right after the book launch, in which mwt spent some time talking about her writing influences and decisions connect to this question - Pheris isn’t her first disabled protagonist and storyteller, of course, but it was lovely to meet him properly directly after hearing her talk about it. Book launch foreshadowing part 1...)

Melisande?

Is this why he wasn’t taught to read?

3. Always the summer

Bees!

4. Hunting cat… hm…

Ok … shrine … 😬

5. Once again we start with a disaster or having to flee

Which Eugenides precipitated

Bite!

Little monster :(

6. Falling…

:(

7. :( :( :(

His purpose? D:

8. YIKES

Chapter 2

9. Hello there! (Gen!)

Massive chair?

10. CRACKED WATER JUG (amphora motif???)

11. Triangle from seal!

Gen that’s rude to Pheris :( (“He will fit in very well with my attendants”)

Wait. This must have happened before ACoK! (nope)

12. :(

Xikander … never made an impression before

How old is Pheris? (lol)

13. Philologos come thru!

Royal closet reappears!

14. Hello weird secondhand scene!

He is Eugenides

Marina…

15. Petrus? GALEN? OH SHIT! 

Is this why Galen was called? (nope)

16. Hell yea Petrus

Miras’ golden balls oh no

All these previously unnamed sucky attendants!

17. Ula – goddess of hearth and healing

Ok … Galen … or a god? Eugenides????? (why did these options occur to me before Mr. Shows Up At Your Bedside At Night himself)

18. Finally the attendant floor plans I crave + hunting scenes!

19. EXCUSE ME he slept through Sounis + Eddis wedding!!!

Again – high king!

20. So Ion is beautiful … hmm.

Yeah … Sejanus has facets. I like it.

21. Clearly no one would know what king would do … lol

Don’t mind me just sorting the attendants on a spectrum of awfulness!!!

22. SO SO SO – ION!!!!!

How many fucking attendants are there and how many are on my hit list!

Is “the necessaries” bathrooms or like … him stealing? (just the bathrooms ... the Gen-Pheris parallels were really getting to me at this point)

:(

23. OH MY GOD THE UNIFIED CREST

Also … frogs. Frogs.

24. Big day for Gen huh

Definitely an aura of Something as he writes about Gen

25. HELLO EVERYONE

26. Sorry Kamet, Pheris does the physical descriptions better. They’re beautiful

I’m blacking out at Eddis and Sounis

27. Jesus Christ. The bear.

Cousin time!

Under the table is the new up on the roof!

Uh… twin imagery ….

Gen’s feet!

Jesus. The matching

28. Cleon … wtf? A cousin?

A trial for Sophos?

Show! Us! Sophos’s! Shoes!

29. If u throw things out the air shaft you might hit the king

Was it a chicken?

Lol nvm the guy at night is Gen. That is … very sweet

- Showing up at night

- Accent

- Complaining about Petrus

- Swearing

- One hand

I am judging Costis and Sophos for not describing the paneling in Gen’s room!

Chapter 3

30. Was it a chicken?

An earring huh, good hand huh

31. Literally screaming “NO!” at Gen. Don’t joke about dying! I am killed by Gen on annux day. This is. My boy. Yes he is perfect. Yes he will refuse to get up. I love him. I died on page 31

Philologos is still the best of them

32. Dancing bear indeed

Always the powdered gold

Ruby!!!!! <3

Aww a smile!!! <3

Pheris he likes you!

33. They both love invisibility and lost it … I cry

Erupt like the sacred mountain excuse me!

OR WORSE return to bed! Lol

34. He’s Eugenides when he’s talking to Attolia

Ouch hero talk

! from Irene!

My queen!

Hey Phresine!

They way we do <3 he’s hating it but he’s so comfortable with her

Sister and bro mention! C’mon!

I love them

EYEBROW

35. Honestly that’s a yes (“I have no idea what you mean, my queen”)

It’s so cute they hang out in the morning … like how long was it even since they’ve seen each other lol

:( tough walk for Pheris

Is it prophecy time?

Lol how long does this construction take?!

Also … she’s pregnant, huh? but no one knows (nope)

Is befriending someone weaponized as a prank count for Gen’s enemies to friends list?

Also SHOW ME the magus. I know he’s here!

36. Pheris excuse me, why not recreate this!

Lol cast off language of history indeed

Feel the thrum of the goddess!

EXCUSE ME… a minor goddess? Mystery goddess? Or Philia?

Oh Gen

37. Well, Gen, someone is having a worse day than you.

Damn, how far we come.

Aww Sounis, babe, I love you and so does Gen

[drawing of the four of them sitting in a row]

38. Artadorus???? Pomegranate?

39. HEIRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A friend! Also lol. Two smiles, for Pheris and Heiro..

40. Yesss Melheret joke in action.

Costis has left tho right?

Jesus, Melheret

SHE GAVE HIM A HORSE (I COULD NOT DEAL with this entire conversation, but then again I could not deal with this whole book.)

41. I love them all so much

“on that horse, you will look like a king” I can’t with her sense of humor

He sure did say that

I feel like I’m missing something with the fight on foot thing … remembering battles?

Helen called him Gen!

Sophos stop talking about yourself and bringing apricots into everything lol

Lol these bystanders don’t know how lucky they are. Nor does Pheris, yet

42. She’s protecting him

Also … Gen … you didn’t want to be a soldier.

43. Guards have capes

2 startled men … hm …

Oh Gen. The fucking brutal echoes…

44. :( :( :(

Gen tell your wife you’re sick!

The attendants are so dumb

45. So, so, so :(

Tell who? Petrus?

Wink!

Yes?

46. Bleeding! Salt! Lemon! Heck no! What is he, a piece of meat?

Oranges?

47. “savoring each bite as if it were my last” ... Same … but with this book

Hmm… Alyta! Goddess of the gentle rain! (despite this “hmm,” I did not put the pieces together)

48. Oh no Teleus! And someone?

Aw he realized <3 lemon water

49. Gen eat your broth lol

50. I love them.

Ion’s really trying to make up for what he did that one time

51. Without the approval of the great goddess HAHAHA

I love them. Cousin time! Growl?

Idk whether or not to be reassured, Gen.

Wow Cleon I do not like that. Also didn’t he die? (...)

Comma (“I am not, Eddis”)

Go smack him!

52. Gen I love you.

Helen I love you.

He’s so bad at self care but I love him

Chapter 4

55. love that our narrator just disappears and reappears

56. Attolia’s brother’s bedroom? Yikes. Ominous. A detail in a story we’ve already gotten, different every time <3

57. fucking attendants. 3 good ones. Medander you were beneath Costis’s notice before but I hate you. Costis didn’t have time for you or Xikos or Xikander and nor do I

58. interesting pawn talk!!!

59. <3 Pheris :(

The Gen comparisons though

:( :( :( :(

60. flamboyance <3

Cemphora bush

Bees

61. I love him

62. I love them

Also lol “Your majesty?”

63. Name … hm … (“I have deliberately omitted [my tutor’s] name here”)

64. more twin imagery I swear

WAIT … it was his birthday! Not just Annux day?!! Gen was born in late summer???

Attendant list thank you

65. laying it all out there, huh … (that one Gen quote)

Lol they’re the same but Pheris likes horses

66. Insellia! Hello nice to meet you

67. Gen that’s mean. (“He is hardly even half of one.”)

68. Coleus leves???

“I am Eugenides.” <3

Gen why

69. Gold cups???? Hmmmmm. Also lioness. Def invoking Costis. (they’re probably not the cups, but STILL)

Earth….

70. Moira! Hi!!! Rainbow shawl!

Like a rabbit!

Pester!

I’m … very sad he uses his Attolian accent with Helen

71. Aaah so good

Mortals

Moira knows another messenger?

Does he think he can’t die in battle?

72. hmm are they WRANGLING?! (Galen and Petrus and my Fire and Hemlock word association)

Kill that pastry Irene I love you

morning training with his … guard? (Is that the whole guard or a guard? Costis senses tingling once again.)

73. Oh gen.

Ouch! (“to send people to their deaths and not risk my own is contemptible”)

Is she implying he’s paying Therespides?

74. Interesting Cleon plan. So many doubles

OUCH. (“Only if he comes back from the dead.” I assumed Lader had died in the war; it’s a different ouch now. I love that they both accidentally say things to each other that poke old wounds, and it’s not a big deal but it’s also not dismissed! Their relationship has come so far, and I love them so much.)

75. Verimius – Lavia – Celia??? Somebody is queer in there!

A GUARD

This scene confuses me. Xortix? Layteres? Aris! but dice thing is less political … so maybe? (just wait....)

76. So many reasons to hate Medander

Hey Costis! You exist! KoA happened!

Gen is just … still so uncomfortable and miserable. He chose, he has people, but still.

RIP Clopius also WHAT

77. Lol Hilarion’s grand statements

78. Yorn Fordad Hello!

Luxurious mustache

The mighty Pents?

Besin Quedue – she’s coming 4 you watch out

79. RIP Baron Hippias

Chapter 5

80. Spring! Plays! Cenna!

81. Oh dear

Oh dear

At least they said he was pretty

83. ?!? :( wine

Uh oh. Stockpiling

85. What even.

AAAAAAAAAH COSTIS

86. Omg Irene. Hissing. I love her.

Also … Gen’s the viper

Also this scene was written by Pheris.

Damn.

87. oh no.

What better man

She fucking quoted Howl. I love them.

Also, bees (this scene killed me)

90. Falling?

Oh shit

Also … Juridius and Pheris, Susa and Costis (comparing demands for information)

93. oh my god (IT’S THE WINDOW SCENE)

Oh my god

Uh

94. She! Called! Him! Gen!

I love this and it scares me

Lol Chloe

Irene you learned from her though

95. D:

96. :(

97. water stuff

98. what the heck

OH NO (Quedue scene)

Hm

100. yikes

Omg

Wow.

102. yikes yikes YIKES

103. a blade has protruded from his chest (tbt to The Thief)

jesus

106. shit

Did Gen hit him?

108. lol Phresine

109. lol

I want genuinely every character’s reaction to this shit

Chapter 6

111. what the heck Gen.

112. like a god [crown doodle]

114. Perma?

116. Gen. Gen. Gen. Do not.

117. AAAA (god intervention)

122. Juridius to Dite

124. bye Iolanthe and Ileia! Tell us about Caeta and Silla.

125. did not expect so much Ion

Chapter 7

127. Fryst god of winter

She laughed!

They’re so married

128. OH SHIT (Costis ship is sighted and I remember what’s about to happen next)

Interesting timing

He rode the horse home?

131. Beauty and good, beauty and kind

134. The gods’ goodwill

Keep them safe <3

135. Is that his MOM?!! Wtf (it was!)

Pheris steal those earrings!!!

RING! SMASH BOX!

137. AMPHORA EARRINGS (and flowers)

138. I love Phresine

139. Why do I feel like all the game birds are pigeons

140. meanwhile Gen’s been hanging out with Kamet. Shit. I cannot.

WELCOME HOME BOYS!

HELL YEAH KAMET ATTEND THOSE MEETINGS!

RELIUS COME THRU

141. lethium soup! The reversal

Safe for you

142. of course he knew <3

143. Kamet time! I love him. We get to see Kamet!!!

Also … echo of Gen’s notes on Mede

145. very handsome. … gaycostis vindication (referring to @costis’s url at the time and this post. Little did I know what else was to come in the next chapter and then a few months later with the adaptation news...)

Do you know who I am?

Chapter 8

147. Of course he’s a cartographer

A favorite huh

148. of course she didn’t tell us his age!

149. the angsty window staring I crave

Music!

151. adventure, huh

I do have a soft spot for Melheret

152. concerned about amphora gift

153. Glad they can be well and united in spite!! (Gen and Melheret)

154. Pheris loves math and I love him

155. Hello Teleus. Hello olives

Lol Relius is not into math

156. pigeons. Inkpot!

157. yeah honestly. He tortures people. He was NOT tortured by the king

159. lol (“I have noted the elective nature of certain behaviors” ... I love Relius and Pheris.)

160. The Invitation! I <3 it

161. EXCUSE ME WHO

Legarus!

FOLKS HERE WE ARE (I cannot overstate how wonderful it was to read this page. I did not know who the poem was from, and “Someone loves me very much, even with all my faults” is even sweeter to reread, but it’s just ... his confidence is so different from the tentative consideration of a new philosophy of trust and love we see in KoA. And there is subtextual queerness in the books before this one, some more apparent and some more subtle (and what is obvious to one reader may be subtle or invisible to another, in these books especially), and there is the attendant love triangle a few chapters back, but HERE - here, Pheris acknowledges the real feeling and love in Legarus’s disastrous relationship and tells us directly that his lover was a man, here he seamlessly makes it clear how bi and poly Relius is, and he quietly ties these relationships and realities to his growing understanding of the world. It’s not subtext. And there’s a lot more to come, but this page really hit me, and sort of promised the “more to come” while assuring me that what had come before, more subtly, was there. I used to have heteronormative readings of both these books and myself, and when Thick as Thieves brought them crashing back into my heart after years away, I knew better about myself, and I saw that - or the possibility of that reading -  reflected in the new book, and it was such a good surprise. It meant a lot, and this page meant a lot, and that is why I’m writing a small essay to accompany this note.) 

Lol wow

162. Where are you traveling, man (this question remains)

163. Fuck you, Orutus

164. Stole an inkpot!

165. the map!!! (Kamet’s)

166. I love them!

167. The Math Master hmm

Am I an oracle (Nope! :) )

[kiaronna]

I would just like to say that School’s Out For the Summer gives me life and that all the Lonelyeyes moments are absolute perfection

Thank youuuuu!! SCOFS was super fun to write and helped me deal with the horrors these characters were going thru in canon lolol. COPING. I COPE

To be honest, a real challenge in this fic was making Elias n Peter non-threatening and fluffy but still in character?? Making them lil just. Really helped. They are mean bc school is hard and their circumstances suck. Elias just wants to go on one (1) date w/ his crush. Most LonelyEyes HCs I had for that fic did not fit into the flow, and JonMartin needed focus & grounding after their get together. Anyway what I'm trying to say is, here are some LonelyEyes HCs from teacherverse. they are long and if you didn’t read SCOFS they make no sense so I’ve placed em under the cut

-Remember their date plan? Peter legit has a chauffeur but Martin drives him bc Martin is Unofficial Dad. Jon was gonna drive Elias but. Jon accidentally muses about hanging out (COUGH going on a date) with Martin while they wait to drive them back and the idea of their respective dads hanging around while they’re on a date drives Elias into Embarrassed Teen Rage. So Elias takes the bus. Martin also muses about a waiting date w/ Jon but does it 100% on purpose on the drive over while Peter Suffers

-They do get fish & chips and people watch at a cute market. Elias likes this for obvious reasons and Peter likes it bc it fulfills his i-am-here-and-you-all-are-over-there needs.I very specifically picked this date plan even tho it sounds stupid bc it’s perfect for their personalities and it is the type of first date plan people their age would manage to execute. in my day dating at that age was like. going to the mall w/ ur parents in the background

-In the fic Martin says Elias dropped by the Lukas estate “a few” times over the summer. Martin was busy writing poetry in his room and had no idea that Elias hung out once a week

-Elias has had a crush on Peter since 0.001 seconds after he transferred. He spends entire classes staring at him and has turned in HW w/ Peter doodles on it. All his teachers gossip w/ Jon about it at district meetings. 

-Peter hated Elias initially bc he doesn't like attention and also bc Elias is loud and prickly. Then some prep school brat bullies another one of the scholarship students and Elias (partially out of pragmatism, he would've been next) like... destroys him. So Peter starts paying attention. Tbh he only develops a proper crush once Martin is tutoring him and asking him about school and what he enjoys and Peter realizes Elias comes to mind. It is a long summer. Peter spends a lot of it awkwardly wondering how to be a person while they skip rocks on the lake and explode stuff out in the deep woods. yes u read that right. they get a lot of fireworks and they Do Not tell Martin

-when they start dating they spend a surprising amount of time navigating how to handle Peter's introversion vs Elias' desire to glue their frickin hands together bc he continues to find his bf fascinating. the first time Peter erupts and goes into a vent session about school where he rants for 20 minutes, Elias holds his hand very tight and has to remind himself that Peter is pissed and it is not time to smile bc he likes to listen to his bf talk. they text a lot. Peter hates phone calls

-these last points have made the crushing sound one-sided, but trust me when I say Peter likes Elias. Peter does what Peter wants, and if he wanted Elias gone, he'd make it so. sometimes when he needs to be alone he does make it so. Elias spends a lot of time pretending to be someone he's not to be accepted, so he values that kind of honesty. The concept of someone enjoying Peter’s personality actually makes him v uncomfortable and kinda confuses him (Martin skates by under the guise of ‘he is just my tutor who I pay and not the only adult I respect & trust’). after their 6-month anniversary he sort of flips out and ghosts Elias for a week bc he did not expect this to work & he’s scared. Jon and Martin get involved when Elias spends that week mercilessly torturing Jon, showing up unannounced. when they reunite they somehow like each other more. but Elias pettily spends a week w/ extra staring which Peter grudgingly allows

-Peter's family thinks their new maid has a son who now basically lives at their house. Spoiler: Elias just visits a lot and Peter tells them zero personal info

-The difference in social class & money is awkward for Elias, who is hyperaware and insecure and won’t let Peter come over to his house until they’ve been dating for like two years. At that point Jurgen has saved up a lifetime’s worth of embarrassing things to reveal to his grandson’s bf. there is definitely some pining where Elias is convinced Peter’s going to dump him to get with some other hot rich kid at their school. Peter? Oblivious to this fear entirely. Peter had the luxury of growing up filthy rich, and is also the type of person who doesn’t care at all if your clothes are from Goodwill or your dates can’t cost more than a few bucks. This actually leads into the next point

-Peter is super outdoorsy and once his foot heals Elias takes him hiking /canoeing/camping every other weekend when it’s warm. Elias gets into landscape drawings. Peter hates TV but will eat popcorn & snuggle Elias on the couch while he watches his favorite shows on the Lukas’ expensive flatscreen. Elias continues to sketch Peter a lot and Peter does not find out about this for like a year. they continue to explode fireworks and homemade stuff in the woods bc they are teenage boys.

-they’re both Lil Bastards and like to annoy each other but if you ever mess with one the other pops up out of nowhere to threaten you in a cheerful, low drawl (Peter) or descend upon u vengefully w/ embarrassing secrets being yelled out in public (Elias). They hold hands the whole time. it is terrifying. neither of them have ever been the popular kid but nobody will so much as look at them funny

-they make bets about literally everything. My fave is the bet about who's going to be taller, which drags on for yeeeeears and no one will ever concede defeat. “you’re not taller, I could still grow” (Elias) “we are adults and puberty is over” (Peter) meanwhile they are both taller than Jon, who still tries to like. pat Elias atop the head. 

-When Jon and Martin get married u know who walks each of them down the aisle to give them away!! THE BOYS. they both hate the formalwear and look ready to shank someone the entire time

[hopeisour4letteredword]

Knock knock akishinji

gasp.... mr akishinji......... i was starting to think you weren’t coming to my party :0c

1- who makes the first move and how?

there are two potential courses of action and they are 1) middle school akihiko asks shinjiro for a good luck kiss before his boxing match as a “””joke””” and shinjiro Actually Does It, The Madman or 2) post-canon shinjiro is like ah fuck it i lived and now i have second chances at everything. hey asshole go out with me

2- who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

shinjiro likes to spend time with koromaru.... make him toys or good dog food, just be a positive influence on an innocent, loving creature in a way that isn’t even tangentially related to fighting. getting akihiko to unwind a little and laugh is also helpful, altho less reliable, since akihiko can be sort of high-strung

3- who is the most romantic?

it’s shinjiro actually

4- who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

akihiko, but only in private. they’re both pretty good at keeping their hands to themselves in public

5- who says ‘i love you’ first?

depends on the timeline. if confession option #1, akihiko. if confession option #2, shinjiro does it while asking akihiko out

6- who would they ask if they ever had a threesome?

i dunno?? akijun is okay but i can’t see shinjiro going for that, whereas i’m not sure aki would be too pumped about akishinhamu since i HC akihiko as gay...

7- what do they get up to on a night out?

movies and/or long walks with koromaru!

8- what do they like in bed?

shinjiro’s deepest fantasy is that they’ll figure out a way for him to cuddle up to akihiko at night without a) getting elbowed in the sternum and b) getting woken up at ass o clock when akihiko gets up to go jog. they’ve figured out that akihiko as little spoon solves A, still working out a mutually agreeable solution to B

9- what is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

well, we know that akihiko has a long history of crying in front of shinjiro... shinjiro has probably been caught baby-talking to koromaru about the virtues of his teammates (eg saying nice things about mitsuru/junpei/others), which would mortify him

10- desert island

these scenarios genuinely distress me. am i supposed to assume that any luxury item will automatically generate/include the infrastructure necessary to support it? like, if i bring a nintendo switch, have i now guaranteed a working power outlet? how are the “two songs” the question permits relayed? do i have a shitty old mp3 player that only has memory space for two songs? do i automatically have the power accessible to keep THAT functioning? i have so many questions.

11- what do they hide from one another?

akihiko still has lingering gender hangups as a trans man, and he tries to keep that from shinjiro, so shinjiro doesn’t walk on eggshells while they banter... even with akihiko, shinjiro still feels the need to act tougher and hide his softness and love for cute things

12- what first changes when it starts getting serious?

mitsuru heaves the world’s biggest sigh of relief

13- when do they realize they should get together?

kinda covered in 1. akihiko and shinjiro both start crushing in middle school. akihiko’s moment is more or less realizing if he was going to like girls, he would like mitsuru, and instead he just wants to kiss shinjiro. shinjiro’s moment is still “aw fuck me i didn’t die after all, guess i get do-overs”

14- when one has a cold, what does the other do?

shinjiro forces akihiko to drink a ton of liquids and s l e e p, because making akihiko rest is ironically a very active duty. akihiko panics and makes soup out of a can and sits with shinjiro just anxiety-chatting at him, which works out fine because shinjiro has years of experience zoning out and even taking a nap while akihiko is talking

15- when they watch a film what do they choose and why? who gets the final vote?

akihiko likes mindless action and superhero movies, shinjiro likes true-to-life animal movies and (altho he doesn’t want to admit it) animal-centric cartoons... (shinjiro likes Up). they try to compromise on more action-y animal cartoons when they can, but otherwise they just take turns. sometimes the mood for the night will just be such that akihiko would rather just take it easy and watch one of shinji’s movies, anyway

16- when the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together?

they both join the yukamitsu survival compound... shinjiro helps with butchering and cooking the food yukari hunts. akihiko goes on a lot of protection, rescue, escort etc trips out of the compound with mitsuru, which stresses shinjiro the fuck out. they have to develop a severity estimation system that charts how stressed shinjiro already is versus how badly mitsuru needs akihiko to come along

17- when they find a time machine, where do they go?

miki :/

18- when they fight, how do they make up?

shinjiro cooks steak for akihiko, akihiko will clean the kitchen from top to bottom and/or pick up something nice from the grocery store for him. depending on how badly akihiko fucked up, it might be something he explicitly does not like but shinjiro does

19- where do they go on their first date?

the park

20- where do they go on holiday?

mitsuru’s private beach OR just some low-key mountains to hike around nature. nowhere too cold though, for shinjiro’s shitty circulatory issues

21- where do they get nervous about going with one another?

akihiko, gender hangups, getting driven to the doctor by shinjiro. shinjiro also hates when akihiko comes to the doctor with him, because he’s always afraid he’ll get belated bad news and he doesn’t want aki to be there for that. but he’s also embarrassed when akihiko comes to craft group meetings and meets shinjiro’s non-SEES friends lmao

22- where does their first kiss happen?

timeline #1: outside school gym. timeline #2: kitchen of akihiko’s post-canon apartment.

23- where is their favorite place to be together?

the park! altho shinjiro is also very partial to just chillin in bed

24- where do they first have sex?

akihiko’s post-canon apartment, hopefully Bed

25- why do they fight?

two boys lost in the sauce.... the proud and angry sauce

26- why do they need to have a serious chat?

oh, god, the trauma hangups. the misunderstandings. the Everything

27- why do their friends get annoyed with them?

they defy everything hamuko and junpei want to place bets on. shinjiro isn’t half as embarrassed about relationship things as they expected him to be

28- why do they get jealous?

akihiko will shamelessly and thoughtlessly get half-naked at the gym, and shinjiro knows he isn’t the only one eyeing his bf. akihiko is kind of jealous of how close shinjiro is with hamuko, but he tries to be reasonable about it, since he likes hamuko and he’s glad shinji has more friends than he used to

29- why do they fall a little bit more in love?

akihiko is profusely praiseful of literally everything shinjiro cooks, even when he kind of wangs it a little. shinjiro claims that makes it meaningless, but he secretly feels soft and tender over it. akihiko can’t handle it when shinjiro is sweet to pets and small children

30- why does it work between them?

lots of shared history as a solid base for the relationship and sheer stubborn determination to get thru the personal and circumstantial obstacles in their way

[waywardsuns]

The Rule

A/N: this is my first jack x reader fic, so please give it some love. I’m also kind of sorta working on a part 3 to Don’t Tell Anyone. We’ll see how it turns out. My ask box is open, so please feel free to send me requests! 

Word Count: 2,4 k 

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Jack Kline, Reader (Winchester sister)

Warnings: mild cutesy/sexy things (just enough to get the blood boiling)

“Burgers tonight?” Dean asked. He sat at the motel room table and sipped on a beer as he nursed the large bruise on his cheek with an ice pack. He kicked his feet up on the table and leaned back. He groaned a little when he stretched and grabbed his ribs. “God, I hate werewolves,” he muttered.

“Mhmm yeah,” Sam said. He didn’t look up from his phone. Jules had had some trouble with a hunt she had gone on and was getting advice from Sam on how to find a ghoul. Y/N was so proud of him, and how he was as a leader. Dean was just relishing time out of the bunker because he didn’t like all of the people from Apocalypse world using it at a command center. She had to say she agreed. They were all nice, but… that was home and they weren’t exactly family. The Winchester’s were just prone to finding strays. And they were definitely foster fails.

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Aw come on, I’m so sick of burgers. Let’s find something else.”

Dean scoffed. “Yeah, okay. Like what?”

“Well, I thought I saw a Chick-fil-a on our way in…” she sang.

Sam locked the screen of his phone. “No, yeah. She’s right, that’s better.” He dropped his phone on the table next to Dean and grabbed his own beer out of the fridge.

Dean nodded and pulled his wallet out and dropped thirty bucks on the table. “Get me something spicy.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Whatever. Keys?” Y/N made a grabby motion with her hand.

He held them just out of her reach with two fingers. “Do not crash my fucking car.”

Y/N threw her hands up and looked at Sam for support. “You were the one to teach me how to drive. If I crash, you’re responsible.” She leaned across the table and snatched the Impala’s keys before he could yank them back again. “Hey Jack, you wanna come?”

Jack looked up from the book he was reading on one of the beds. He’d always liked learning about popular culture, so it was obvious that she would give him the Harry Potter books to read. Y/N and Sam pitched in to buy the whole set, on the premise that you all could share it if one of you wanted to reread one of the books. He dog-eared a page in The Goblet of Fire and started tying his shoelaces. “Sure. What’s Chick-fil-a?”

She grabbed his jacket and tossed it to him. “Uh, I guess it’s like church, but they sell chicken.”

“That’s very accurate,” Sam chuckled.

“Hey,” Dean called as she reached for the door. “Will you get me a Dr. Pepper? Please.”

Sam turned his head and smiled. “Me too.”

“Sure.” She grabbed Jack’s arm and pulled him out of the door before her brothers could make any more special requests.

As Y/N started the car and pulled onto the street she reached for Jack’s hand. “Sorry if you were reading your book, I just really wanted to spend some time with you without Sam and Dean there.”

Jack squeezed her hand and brought it up to his mouth to place a kiss on her knuckles. “No, I’m glad you did. It’s hard being around them with you.”

As she slowed down to stop at a red light she leaned over to kiss him. He slid a hand over her knee. Jack was especially good at keeping boundaries, always making sure that she was okay with anything he did. She took his hand and guided it higher up on her thigh, because she on the other hand, probably would have been okay with no boundaries. Jack had just slid his tongue across her bottom lip eliciting a sigh from her when a honk that came from behind them forced them to jump apart to opposite sides of the car.

“Shit,” Y/N stepped on the gas and peeled away from the now green light. For the rest of the drive, Jack kept her right hand firmly clasped in his, every now and then rubbing his thumb over hers. Though the gesture was nice, Y/N desperately wanted that hand to be somewhere else on her body.

The line was five cars deep when they got there and it gave them time to talk about the important things: Harry Potter. It passed the time quick, they were in the middle of an argument about which was the best book, up to where Jack was when she had to pause to order.

As she was relaying the order she could feel Jack’s lips where her neck met her shoulder; her sweet spot. She struggled to keep her voice level as she thanked the cashier and she pulled up.

“What are you doing?” She giggled. Instead of pushing him away, Y/N grabbed his shoulder and pulled him closer. It was so uncharacteristic of Jack to initiate something like that, especially in public, with car windows that had virtually no tint on them.

“Sorry,” he murmured against her neck. Ah fuck.

“No, don’t be sorry. I was just wondering.” He had moved away far enough that she could look in his eyes. “Jack, you can do whatever you want to me,” she whispered. And she meant it. She didn’t know why she said it in the front seat of her brother’s car, but she had meant every word.

Jack kissed her slow and deep. It made Y/N feel like her body was sinking into the leather bench. Her stomach dropped to her curling toes as he ran his long fingers up her thigh to the waistband of her jeans and then back down to her knee. God, he was teasing her. The worst part was having to pull herself back to reality to make sure she kept a tight foot on the brake and to move up in line every so often.

He pressed a kiss to her cheek as she handed the cashier the cash who gave her a sweet smile in return.

“You two are cute,” she said as she handed out the drinks and food.

“Thanks,” Y/N said hesitantly. And she realized this was the first time that she and Jack had ever gone out together as a couple. Most of their time was spent alone in one of their rooms, late at night so no one would catch them. They’d never had the luxury of going out because someone–Sam, Dean, or Cas–was always with them.

She pulled out of the drive-thru and into a close parking spot before throwing the car into park and sliding across the bench seat, closer to Jack.

He ran his thumb down her jaw as he kissed her. In no time, she had thrown her leg over his and straddled him, running her fingers through his soft hair. Jack moaned as she dragged her nails along the back of his neck, and she could feel his cock twitch with interest beneath her. He dragged his tongue across her bottom lip and every nerve in Y/N body tingled. Jack gripped her ass and pulled her tight against him so their chests pressed together and between the thin t-shirts and jackets she could feel his heart pounding – or maybe it was hers. She fought against every urge in her body that told her to take this to the back-seat, only to pull her lips away and press their foreheads together. They both were panting and grabbing at each other’s clothes, anything to get closer to one another.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” she murmured.

Jack chuckled lightly. He rubbed the tops of her thighs which sent tingles straight to her core. “Don’t apologize for that.” He leaned in to kiss Y/N again but she slid off his lap and out of the way of those soft, soft lips…

“No, I’m just sorry that I got us both worked up. If we don’t get this food back to Sam and Dean, they’re going to call and wonder where we are.”

Jack sighed disappointedly and pulled on the legs of his jeans, obviously trying to relieve some of the tightness and adjust himself. Y/N tore her gaze away from the bulge in his pants and began to crack her knuckles. She put the car in drive and peeled out of the parking lot.

“It’s just–” she shook her head, “they can’t know. They’d kill us both.”

“Stop apologizing,” Jack said. “I know they can’t know. Don’t worry about it.”

‘God, he was so fucking sweet.’ She thought to herself. He just wanted her to be happy. She knew he didn’t actually care if Sam and Dean knew about whatever this was between them. Actually, he’d probably be more relieved if they did know. But Jack also understood how overprotective they could be.

Y/N rubbed a hand across her face. She could still smell Jack from across the bench; his shampoo, his deodorant, everything that was Jack and it was stuck in her nose, intoxicating her. She reached down and cranked the handle to roll the window down. The fall air whipped at her cheeks and cooled her down instantly, and any smell of Jack escaped through the window into the night.

“All I want to do is rip your clothes off and throw you in the back seat,” she growled. “And it doesn’t even bother me that Sam and Dean have both used it as their personal ‘conjugal trailer’. I just want you.” She peeked at him out of the corner of her eyes, wondering if she had gone too far. It had to be as miserable for him as it was for her. But Jack was staring out of the window on his side, smiling.

“We might just have to break our rule.” Jack shrugged. Y/N was watching the headlights bounce over the road but she could feel Jack watching for her reaction. Y/N’s body got hot all over again. She hummed in approval.

The rule he was speaking of was something they made up over hushed tones in her bedroom one night that seemed ages ago. One of the many nights they gathered in her room and watched movies and kissed until their lips were throbbing and they ached to touch each other. Huddled under her covers, they promised they’d keep things between them under wraps, that meant, they’d never do anything with the boys home. And the implication that they should have sex with Cas and Sam and Dean around, the latter two sleeping in rooms just down the hall was both frightening and exciting.

Y/N pulled into the parking lot and turned the car off. There were so many things that she wanted to say to Jack before they got out of the car; before they had to pretend that nothing was going on in front of Sam and Dean again. The words were sweet on her tongue and Jack lapped them up. She didn’t have to say anything, he just knew.

“Dude, I’m starving. Where the fuck are they?” Dean asked Sam for the fourth time. His hands were on his hips and he paced the length of the room. “I’m gonna start eating the fucking walls.”

Sam rolled his eyes at Dean’s dramatics and let him complain. He continued scrolling around through small-town newspapers and obituaries looking for cases to dole out to the hunters living at the Bunker. Dean crossed behind him and pressed his forehead to the window like a child waiting for his parents return after a night out.

“Thank god,” he sighed. “They’re pulling in.” He continued to hold the curtains open just far enough so he could see. Just as he was about to turn his head, and close the curtains, he froze.

“Oh,” he softly mumbled.

Sam scoffed. “‘Oh’ what, Dean? Did you spot the wrong black ‘67 Impala?”

“They’re kissing,” he said, disgustedly.

Sam couldn’t have heard that right. He whipped his head around and sure enough, Dean was still staring out the window like a peeping Tom, making sure that only his head was visible through the dingy curtains. Sam jumped up and ripped one side of them out of Dean’s hands.

A few doors down parked–Jesus–right under a light, was Y/N and Jack. If it hadn’t been his little sister and the son of the devil in the front seat of that car, he might have found it a little endearing, like ‘aw, young kids in love’ or whatever. She had her hand wrapped firmed around the back of his neck, and well, he couldn’t even see where Jack’s hands were, and they were clearly tonguing each other.

Dean dropped the curtain. “When did that happen?”

Sam pulled his eyes away in shock. “I don’t know. They seemed close but I thought they were just friends. Just happy to have someone their own age around, you know?”

“Oh yeah, they’re real happy alright.”

Dean stole another glance. “Aw, shit.” he yanked the curtains closed so hard that he nearly broke the rod. “They’re coming inside.”

“What do we do?!” Sam asked.

Dean looked around the room frantically before pushing Sam’s chest. “Sit back down. We’re clearly not supposed to know, so act like it.” He moved back over to sit across from Sam at the table. He grabbed his beer and took a large swig.

Sam went to do the same when his breath caught in his throat. “Dean, don’t they usually sleep in the same bed on hunts?”

Dean choked and sputtered on his beer. It dribbled down his chin and he wiped at it hastily as the door opened. They came in laughing about something that Sam didn’t know what was in reference to; something to do with what the cashier at Chick-fil-a said to them. Jack set the food down in the middle of the table and Y/N plopped the two Dr. Peppers in a drink holder down next to it. She pulled one out and set it in front of Dean, and then pulled the other out and fitted her lips around the straw and took a quick sip before putting it in front of Sam.

Sam stared at the straw that had just been in Y/N’s mouth. Normally, it wouldn’t bother him in the slightest. But now that he knew that Jack’s tongue had been in her mouth not five minutes ago–

He shoved the styrofoam cup back towards her. “You can have it,” he said quickly.

Dean snorted and Sam threw him a glare. Luckily, Y/N didn’t pay him any mind. “Thanks, Sammy.”

[nitewrighter]

[squints at your blog like a drive thru menu] hey yeah can I get a uhhhhhhh fuckin uhhhhhh large mchanzo please. thanks.

*drive-thru intercom crackle* McHanzo machine broke.

(jk here’s some McHanzo. I love me some corny anime tropes, don’t you?)

Taking place after A Conversation

—-

If Hanzo had to name the worst thing about being on the run—well, there were a lot of ‘worst’ things about being on the run. The guilt was bad. Devouring, rotting guilt that clawed itself even into in his moments of peace like veins of mold in cheese. There were the assassins, and there was the exhaustion of his own vigilance against his family’s assassins that made every day without an immediate threat on his life feel like a lie. But up in the top three was probably not knowing when he would get his next shower. He did have resources–safehouses and the like, which he had gotten from assassin and mercenary work, but those were few and far between. He had gotten a lot better than he would like to admit at quick, desperate wash-ups in public bathroom sinks, and he could count on both hands the time he had risked pursuit by the authorities or the Shimada clan just to get a few minutes in the shower at the home of someone he had just killed. Being able to bathe on his own terms for the first time in too long was probably the most luxurious thing he had experienced since he first came to the Watchpoint.

 Steam flooded the showers of the watchpoint dormitory. Hanzo’s fingers were well past pruning but he set his hands against the tiles of the wall and let the water pound his shoulders. He tried to let the sound of water drown out his thoughts, but still they bled into his consciousness.

What am I doing here? he thought, Genji is doing far better without me than he ever did with me. Why invite me? Spite? his stomach turned, Pity?

“You know you’ve been in here nearly 30 minutes, right?” McCree’s voice cut through the steam and bounced off the walls and Hanzo’s head jerked up.

“I—I…” to be honest Hanzo had completely lost track of the time. Not like him. Sloppy. 

“Not to put a damper on your beauty routine but Jack did say we gotta convene with him at 0930 to establish your intended role with us. You being Mr. ‘Spy Network’ and all.”

Right, thought Hanzo, That. Might as well just toss any resources I have into this circus too. Forget about any contingency plans for when this whole organization goes down in flames. Again.

“It’s hardly a spy network,” said Hanzo, turning off the water and sticking his hand out of the plastic of the shower curtain, padding around for his hanging towel, “Merely a collection of contacts. I cannot exactly send them out to gather intel. We all have to watch our own backs.”

“Been there,” said McCree as Hanzo finally found the towel and pulled it into his shower stall.

“’Been there,’” Hanzo repeated, toweling himself off before wrapping the towel around his waist. “You know,” said Hanzo, pushing the shower curtain aside, “You are just as secretive, if not more so, about your dealings before you joined this splinter cell than I am.”

“I was on the run. Not a lot of glamorous stories there,” said McCree, “One of the highlights was stopping a robbery at a ramen restaurant… and the train thing, I guess…” 

“’Train thing?’” said Hanzo.

“Took down a Talon strike team,” said McCree, flicking up the brim of his hat and smiling at him, the smile faded though, “They were after this glowy purple box thing. Looking back, I wonder if I made things worse, giving it to them…”

“You gave it to them?” said Hanzo.

“I kicked it off the train rather than let them kill the whole train trying to get it!” said McCree.

“It could have been a weapon that could kill far more people than just one train,” said Hanzo.

“I think about that too but… truth is I didn’t know. Thankfully, I still don’t know what the hell that thing was. Maybe it just speeds up Talon’s wifi or somethin’…”

Hanzo snorted.

“I hope it just speeds up their wifi…” said McCree, taking off his hat and itching at his hair. He shook his head. “Anyway. Meeting with Jack,” he moved to turn around and walk out of the showers, “0930 Hou–Fu–”

McCree slipped hard. His prosthetic arm flailed to try and grab for the doorway and missed in his descent. 

“McCree–!” Hanzo stepped forward too, grabbed his arm, felt the prosthetic grip his forearm and yank him down too in McCree’s fall.

The stream of panicked thoughts constricted around Hanzo’s mind as they both fell. If he cracks his skull open I’m finished. There’s no way to prove it wasn’t an attack. Only a few days in to coming back into Genji’s life and I’m already destroying the things he holds dear again. They’ll kill me. Make me leave the watchpoint. I don’t know which is worse. 

Both grunted as they hit the tiles of the shower floor. 

“Are you all right?” Hanzo said in an instant. 

McCree’s eyes were squeezed shut in pain until they flicked open and he gritted his teeth, “This is why we don’t take no gotdamn thirty minute showers!” McCree snapped at him. He realized his nose was inches from Hanzo’s and instinctively his eyes flicked down to see that, though Hanzo’s towel had come loose at the hip, perhaps by the grace of god it still served as a buffer between him and McCree’s jeans. Hanzo’s own heart was pounding at his throat and ears. Aside from a few embraces from Genji, this had been the most physical contact he had had with another body in a painfully long time. He caught himself and cleared his throat.

“I’ll um–just…” he kept one hand braced against the tile floor as he grabbed at the loose edges of the towel at his side

“Yeah–just–uh…” McCree was looking off, apparently pretending that the nearby shower drain was some kind of avant-garde artwork that he was struggling to understand as Hanzo fumbled between him, the floor, and his own towel.

Hanzo finally managed to roll off of McCree into a kneeling position to re-secure his towel as McCree grabbed his hat off the floor and shook droplets of water off of it.

“Thanks for the uh… attempted save,” said McCree, not making eye contact, still swatting water off of his hat.

‘Yes, well… I hope future attempts are… more successful,” said Hanzo, “Not that I… hope there is ever a need for future attempts again.”

“I getcha,” said McCree.

“Mm,” Hanzo grunted. 

“…Can we agree to…”

“Never talk about this again?” said Hanzo.

“Yeah,” said McCree.

“Yes,” said Hanzo.

“Good,” said McCree.

“Good,” agreed Hanzo.

A long pause passed between them. Hanzo half-forced a rueful chuckle.

“What?” said McCree.

“I think this is the longest we’ve gone without you calling me ‘Asshole,’” said Hanzo.

“Look at that,” said McCree, pushing his hair back, “Makin’ progress.”

—-

“Is there a reason why you two moved your seats 10 feet further away from each other than usual for this meeting?” said Jack.

McCree and Hanzo exchanged glances.

“I don’t understand the question,” said Hanzo.

“Yeah, we always sit like this,” said McCree.

Jack took a deep inhale, knew full well that was bullshit, and decided not to press the issue further.

[rukia-writes]

Could you do a story levi x reader where instead of Levi being the Sugar daddy its reader being a "Sugar Momma"?

Yeah I can ❤️

Farlan and Isabel were in sheer awe at seeing Levi roll up to school in a luxury sports car, students started crowd around Levi’s car to his dismay.

“Hey, get away from my car.”

“Your car?”

“How’d you get this bro?”

Isabel asked while Farlan noticed Levi had on new clothes, shoes and a luxury watch, Farlan knew it was a luxury watch.

“It was a gift.”

“From who?”

“Ah, I like your shoes big bro.”

“Thanks, I bought them yesterday.”

Levi got out the car with his book bag which Farlan noticed was new Isabel didn’t seem notice all of the new stuff besides the car and shoes.

The three went to class and went about their day nearly forgetting about Levi’s supposed gifts until after school when Levi offered to give them a ride to a nearby shopping center, on the upscale side of town.

Isabel went along no question, Farlan went along but he still had some questions in the back of his head that was soon to be pushed back when Levi drove them to the mall.

“Levi! Slow the hell down!”

“Go faster bro!”

Levi opted with Isabel and speed up going well over the speed limit making making Isabel scream with joy as Farlan buckled up scared for his life.

When they arrived at the mall Isabel was esctastic as she complimented the car on its speed while Farlan just wanted out.

Levi was actually impressed himself seeing as how this was his first time driving the car. That’s when Levi received got a call on his cellphone and it was from his mother.

Who was currently in the Bahamas with Kenny.

Kuchel told Levi she was having fun, she was a bit sun burned but she was having fun and so was Kenny. Granted, he was already hungover which was just a bad headache.

Levi was glad his mother was having a good time on vacation, she deserved it.

Before Levi knew it, the sky had turned black as dropped off Isabel and Farlan to their home while he had another place to go before he went home.

Levi arrived at what he called a big and fancy ass building, Levi went straight to (Name)’s office which was on the top floor. When Levi arrived at the office he peeked around the corner to see Levi talking to some tall guy, Levi didn’t care as he walked in and cleared his throat getting both of their attention but mainly (Name) who gave him that sweet smile Levi loved so much.

“Hey Levi, what are you doing here?”

“It’s almost dinner time. That’s what.”

“I know, I’m wrapping up a few things here.”

Levi sighed as he sits down in a chair and listens to the two going back and forth. Levi had enough of waiting after ten minutes as he then just picked up (Name) and carried her over his shoulder with ease.

“Levi!”

“We’re leaving.”

With that, Levi carried (Name) on his shoulder all the way to Levi’s car in the parking lot.

“Levi, you do know I’m the CEO of this company. A famous and well known company.”

“Yeah, what’s your point?”

“Put me down.”

Levi slapped her ass making gasp as he put his sugar momma off his shoulders.

(Name) straightened up her skirt as she then saw the car that Levi was getting into.

“Oh, is this the car you chose?”

“It is. Damn thing is fast. So let’s go home already.”

“Okay, you spoiled sugar baby.”

(Name) teased as she got in the passenger seat, Levi shrugged his shoulders as he got in and started the sports car. (Name) really liked the car until started to get on the highway, then she really liked it when the car by passed everyone.

“Awfully fast car, Levi.”

“Yeah, it’s not bad.”

Levi replied as he gently grabbed (Name)’s hand and placed it on his lap, making (Name) smile.

“I see you’re wearing the watch I gave you.”

“Yeah, I figured I’d wear it. My friends liked it too.”

“Good. Maybe one I’ll get to meet them-what are you doing?”

“Getting dinner.”

When Levi pulled up in the private drive thru to (Name)’s mansion (Name) had two bags from McDonald’s on her lap.

“Of all the places you could eat Levi Ackerman.”

“What? You have something against McDonald’s?”

“No, I don’t. Are..are you going to eat your fries?”

(Name) asked sweetly only for Levi to grab his bag with a look of “Don’t touch my fries.”

After dinner, Levi and (Name) were cuddled up outside couch with an amazing view of the city.

“Thanks for sending my mom on vacation.”

“You’re welcome.”

(Name) was cuddled up to Levi with her head on his chest while rubbed her back. Levi could tell she was tired as her eyes were fighting to stay open.

“You can go to sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.”

“I know..I just..”

“It’s okay. Go to sleep.”

Levi kissed (Name)’s forehead as he continued to rub her back, soon (Name) was fast asleep. Levi easily picked her up in his arms and carried her to her bedroom.

Gently placing her on the king sized bed Levi kissed her on the forehead once more, then cussed as he quietly left the room to go to the study room to finish his homework that was due in a hour.

A few days later, Levi was walking towards the parking lot until his phone vibrated to which he knew it was it was text message. It was from (Name), opening the text message that said “I left you a gift on your car. Since I won’t be home until late.”

Levi walked to his car to see a box on the hood with a tag that read “From: (Name)”.

Opening the box a small smile was on Levi’s face as he saw the tea set that he mentioned to (Name) a few days ago.

Levi was getting used to the sugar baby life.

✨Rukia-writes✨

[delta-roseblr]

It Is Here People!!!!

Delix’s first time!

Thank the snow because it gave me the day off from work and I spent it editing.

Warning: This Fic contains smut (Duh). It also contains cursing and two insecure boys. It is also long as fuck (as Felix would say)

I hope you love it and that it was worth the wait!

Why am I fucking this up? Dean wondered as he gave Felix a tour of the house. He wanted it to go well, but Felix was clearly uncomfortable (which was probably his fault), and every time he said something it felt like a jab. Dean had known this was going to be awkward, and he thought he was prepared, but he wasn’t. Instead of just dealing or maybe trying to explain his nontraditional homelife, he just got defensive and kept sounding like an asshole. He was honestly surprised that they made it to his bedroom without Felix telling him to fuck off and straight up leaving.

If there was anywhere in his house that Dean felt most like himself it was his room, but as he pushed open the door, he felt like he was walking up to the gallows. Felix was a half a step behind him and walked into the room silently. He had been quiet since noticing the recycling bin full of liquor bottles which Dean still couldn’t believe he had fucking forgot to take care of.

Dean turned and just sort of watched as Felix looked around. He examined the books stacked on Dean’s desk, looked around at the few posters and pictures Dean had hanging on the walls and ran his fingers over Dean’s comforter. Dean watched all of it feeling completely nauseous because it drove home something he had never fully realized before: Felix was completely at odds with everything else in Dean’s life. Felix was the human personification of quality. He made Dean think of reading The Great Gatsby (which he hated) because there was all that talk of the old rich vs. the new rich. Felix was like the essence of the old rich: he wasn’t flashy or over the top, but everything about Felix had a quiet sort of luxury. Seeing Felix standing there with his perfect hair and his casual clothes that all came from stores Dean didn’t have enough money to even walk into, Dean wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry at the absurdity of it. It was like driving a Lexus through a Burger King drive-thru.

“So now you’ve seen everything…..,” Dean admitted as he pushed his hands into his pocket. Dean wanted to find the nearest Time Lord and hijack his TARDIS, so he could go back in time and stop this entire thing from ever happening.

Felix looked toward him curiously and that only made Dean feel worse. This was a horrible fucking idea, Dean thought as he looked away because it was all just too much. “I could take you home if you want,” he offered softly. He told himself not to come into this day with any expectations, and he didn’t, but he still felt disappointed as he spoke those words.

“Why would I want that?” Felix questioned, and he sounded panicked. Dean was sure he was just trying to cover his relief but then he looked up and saw Felix staring back at him wide-eyed. “I thought we were going to…..,” Felix stopped abruptly. Dean didn’t get it but suddenly he seemed unsure or insecure as he looked around the room with uncertainty. “Hang out.”

Dean got the distinct impression that “hang out” wasn’t what Felix had originally wanted to say. He couldn’t blame Felix for backtracking because now he could obviously see Dean came with a shit ton of baggage and shouldn’t be his first. Dean was disappointed sure, but he couldn’t blame Felix for that, and he wasn’t going to make him feel bad about it either. He looked down at his shoes because eye contact was just too fucking hard, “Yeah, I just-” was giving you an out, Dean thought but didn’t manage to get out.

“Dude,” Felix interrupted sharply catching Dean’s attention and forcing his eyes upward. Felix was staring back at him with fire in his eyes. “Did you really think I’d care that your poor or whatever?” Felix asked sounding absolutely offended. “Do you really think I’m that fucking shallow?”

Alright, now Dean was just confused on top of all the other emotions he was feeling. He was honestly surprised he hadn’t physically exploded from the overload of different emotions. He shook his head before starting to stumble through an apology or an explanation or something, “No, I just-”

“Dean,” Felix cut him off again with a raised hand and a dismissive shake of his head, “I come from the upper-middle-class suburbia that makes it to the cover of Home and Garden magazines, and I can fucking assure you that the problems may be different, but there are just as many, and they’re just as fucked up.” Dean found himself a little taken back because he hadn’t realized his insecurities were so obvious. Maybe it was just that Felix knew him that well, which was kind of sweet, but also left Dean feeling sort of worse about not just being honest about all of it sooner. “I could not give less of a fuck about where you’re from or what tax bracket your parents, or dad, or whatever is in,” Felix stated firmly. With that he paused, took a breath and something about him seemed to soften visibly before he continued, “What matters is that I can have a twenty-five minute argument with you about French fries which somehow turned into a contest to see who could shove the most fries in their mouth, and that you’ll play Halo with me and say Red vs. Blue quotes the entire time-”

“Well,” Dean interrupted softly because he had never been good at taking compliments, “I suck at Halo so going for the comedy relief seems like a good way to save face.”

“You don’t suck that bad, you just always want to use the energy sword,” Felix explained with a smile and a little laugh, “There are better weapons.”

Dean couldn’t have anticipated how much of a relief it would be to simply see Felix smile. He felt like he could really breathe since they had first walked into the door. It still wasn’t perfect, far from it actually, but it was better. If he could just keep Felix smiling and laughing Dean felt like he could deal with the whole thing. “Most of the Red vs. Blue quotes I know are Tucker lines so the sword kind of goes with the bit,” he explained a little teasingly. It worked because Felix laughed again, and Dean was reminded how amazing Felix’s laugh was.

“Dude, you are kind of proving my point here,” Felix stated, “You make me laugh and call me out when I’m being an asshole, but you never hold it against me.” He took a step forward closing some of the distance that seemed to exist between them. That helped too, and Dean could feel his blood pressure dropping to something more manageable by humans. “You have to be the smartest, fun, sincere person I have ever met,” Felix reached out and hooked a finger in Dean’s belt and pulled him in before he could react. Dean certainly couldn’t complain when Felix��s soft lips brushed against his own, and as an added benefit, he was sure the kissing helped mask his blushing.

It ended just as Dean felt himself giving into it. Felix pulled away and let out a content sounding hum. “Also, it doesn’t hurt that you're hot,” Felix added with a grin.

“Oh I see, the pot calling the kettle black,” Dean deflected with a good-natured laugh. He brought a hand up and rubbed at the back of his neck nervously as he asked, “So I guess your cool with hanging out here than?”

“Fuck yes,” Felix declared in that most perfectly Felix way that killed the rest of Dean’s stupid nerves in one cocky swoop. If Dean had to point to one moment to perfectly illustrate why he was so out of his mind for Felix it would probably be that moment.

And in typical Felix fashion, he took a sweet moment and turned it into something that turned Dean into knots for a whole new reason. Still smirking at Dean in that cocky way Felix did, he took a few steps backward, his eyes locked with Dean’s like a sexy challenge before hopping backward onto the bed. He bounced a little before his muscular form settled on the well-worn mattress, and he leaned back so he was propped up on his elbows.

Dean was sure that he had had fantasies about Felix that had started with him looking very much like he was at that moment except maybe a little less in the way of clothes. Felix grinned up at him which really just didn’t help Dean’s focus any as he added, “It sure as shit is better than going back to my place.”

Felix was actually in my bed, Dean marveled. He really was trying not to be a typical guy and let his mind immediately go to sex, but Felix was laying all sprawled out like the perfect picture of temptation, and it was a challenge. He swallowed hard (and hoped that Felix wouldn’t notice) before commenting, “Some privacy would be a nice change.”

Felix was on to him, Dean could tell from the wicked glint in his eyes. “It would be,” he agreed before making a definite show of patting the bed next to him, “If you’d get over here already.”

Despite relaxing substantially since Felix had walked through the door, Dean still felt a little anxious. Still, he couldn’t resist an invitation like that. He took a few cautious steps toward Felix and as soon as he was close enough Felix sat up, reached out, grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him in. The action was so surprising Dean stumbled and almost fell. He managed not to fall just barely, and before he could even attempt to regain his balance, he was on the bed.

Felix’s lips met his own and the familiarity of it brought with it a kind of ease. Whatever apprehension Dean may have still had, he gave into the moment and let the sensation of it all sweep him away.

It didn’t take long for all his anxiety to be forgotten as kissing turned into a real make-out session. Felix’s fingers were in his hair, and their legs became entangled in each other as they both tried to move closer. Dean let one hand settle on Felix’s thigh as he supported himself with the other. The warmth of Felix, his touch, his skin, his breath, all so utterly intoxicating, Dean was happy to lose himself in it.

Felix’s fingers lost their grip on Dean’s hair, fell down over his shoulders, and ran over his chest firmly before finding the hem of Dean’s shirt. As the fabric was pulled upward Dean remembered that his house wasn’t the only reason he had been nervous about the day. He didn’t stop Felix pulling his shirt off and tossing it quickly, but new anxiety stopped him from getting completely lost in Felix’s lips when they returned to his own.

The kiss was interrupted for only a few seconds before Felix was back, lips moving hungrily against Dean’s. As Felix’s hands moved over the bare skin of Dean’s chest, Dean met Felix’s hunger with his own.

Dean had marveled many times at the effect Felix had on him. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced with anyone else. There wasn’t any real question around his own sexuality, and he knew he still liked girls as well, but being with Felix was just different. Dean didn’t know if it was something as simple as the solid feel of Felix because Felix was all muscle and firm touches or if it was his confidence. On the soccer field, Felix was an aggressive and confident player, and that was something that just seemed to follow Felix into anything physical. When they kissed there was no timidness. Felix always seemed to know what he wanted, and he went for it. Whatever it was, Dean often found himself so worked up from simply kissing Felix he almost ached.

It was the feel of Felix’s thick fingers gripping the waist of his jeans and working to undo the fastenings that had Dean pushing aside his base desires for the moment. He wanted it, Felix, the whole fucking nine with no limits. Dean had been fantasizing about having sex with Felix for months, and if he was being really honest, he had wanted that for a lot longer.

Just because he wanted it, didn’t mean they should. As much as Dean wanted to let it go, he still couldn’t let himself forget it was Felix’s first time. There was so much pressure that came with that, and it was such a privilege. Dean still wasn’t fully convinced he was worthy of it.

Dean couldn’t be that guy. The guy that just thought with his dick and didn’t care about anything else. He needed to know that Felix was sure before he let things go any further.

He caught Felix’s hands just as he felt the button of his jeans pop open and stopped him from doing anything more. It may not have been what Dean wanted to do, but it needed to be done, and it had at least caught Felix’s attention. He stopped and blinked up at Dean, and he didn’t say a word, but the question was written all over his face.

Dean’s tongue felt thick, and his mouth was dry, but he managed words despite that. “Do you still want to?” he questioned sincerely.

He felt like a ball of nerves and anxiety. He was sure it showed because he could barely look Felix in the eye. He wanted Felix so fucking bad. How could he not? Felix was smart and funny, not to mention incredibly sexy. Of course, he wanted to have sex with Felix, but he didn’t want Felix to feel like there was an obligation or an expectation. If it was going to happen it was going to be Felix’s first time (Ever- with anyone), and Dean didn’t want him to have any regrets.

He watched Felix’s eyes flick down to his hands still on Dean’s pants before flicking back up with confusion written across his perfect features, “Huh?”

“Um…ya know,” Dean managed to stammer out. Why he couldn’t just say the word sex, Dean didn’t understand, but he couldn’t. Felix staring back at him questioningly just made him more nervous, and he ended up looking down at his hands. It wasn’t helpful, seeing his hands on Felix’s amazing body, but he still managed to add, “With me, I mean?”

Felix remained silent for a long thoughtful moment that might as well have been an eternity for Dean before asking, “What? You mean sex?”

“Ah, yeah,” Dean answered as best he could manage. Felix asked the question so boldly while Dean struggled to say the word. Then there was the fact that he didn’t want Felix to feel pressured. “If you don’t that’s completely fine,” he added quickly. Dean was positive he was more anxious in that moment with Felix then he had been his first time.

Dean was already so anxious he thought it might literally kill him but the look that crossed Felix’s face made it ten thousand times worse. He got this look like he was thinking about it, and not in a good way. That should have been answer enough, but Dean still found himself surprised when Felix actually spoke. “Yeah, no,” Felix answered like he was saying no to three-day old cold pizza.

“Oh,” Dean exclaimed with surprise before he could stop himself. It was everything he could do not to physically pull away from Felix.

He was disappointed, but he guessed he shouldn’t have been surprised. Felix came from a completely different world from Dean. He had literally been given a brand-new car for his sixteenth birthday while Dean worked three jobs every summer so they could buy groceries.

Even if that wasn’t the case Dean had been such a fucking asshole since they had gotten in the car. Felix didn’t deserve that kind of bullshit, especially when he was obviously fucking trying.

Dean couldn’t help but be disappointed because as much as he had tried to control his expectations, he still wanted Felix in a very primal and animalistic way. That disappointment was his problem, and he didn’t want Felix to catch on. He had the right to say no and not feel guilty for it. It was his fucking virginity they were talking about for Christ sake.

If anything, Dean’s immediate response of disappointment filled him with shame, and it was that that had him ducking his head and looking at the little bit of bedding that laid between them. The dark green fabric was the best bedding in the house, and Dean had washed it twice before making the bed because he wanted everything to be perfect for Felix.

So much for that.

“Yeah,” he offered. It was meant to come across as a reassurance, but it sounded weak even to Dean, “Okay.”

“I mean,” Felix started, and his tone was odd. He didn’t sound apologetic or awkward, not that Dean wanted him to feel that way. He actually sounded kind of amused. It was like he was telling a joke, and Dean just wasn’t privy to the punchline. “We really can’t right now, considering.”

Dean was following Felix until the very last word and then he was lost. The confusion was enough to temporarily erase the other emotions that were clouding his mind. “Considering?” he asked.

It was the strangest thing when Felix broke out in what looked like a genuine smile. He had always had the most amazing smile. Dean found it almost hypnotic as Felix continued to talk playfully. “Considering that you’re drunk, or high, or suffering from a concussion or maybe all three,” Felix clearly joked, “Because that is the only possible explanation I can think of for why you would ask such a stupid fucking question.” Something must have read on Dean’s face, and whatever it was, it amused Felix greatly. He reached out and patted Dean’s cheek in a way that was equal parts affectionate and playful. “Dude, I’ve been trying to get you in bed for months. Of course I want to!” he exclaimed.

Dean didn’t realize he was holding his breath until that moment, and he finally felt like he could exhale. The sense of relief that washed over him was like nothing Dean had ever experienced. Felix wanted to be with him. He still wanted to be with him even though they came from completely different world, and Dean had been a complete fucking ass about it. And it was Felix so of course, he called him out on his bullshit in such a brash and confident way. It was the attitude that made people think Felix was an asshole and the honesty that Dean fucking loved. Joking about it all made it so much easier.

He reached out and gave Felix’s shoulder a light nudge. “God, you are such an ass,” he chuckled with no real heat in his words.

Felix leaned in and placed a long and thoughtful kiss on Dean’s cheek before tilting his head slightly to whispered in Dean’s ear. “And you’re a fucking tease,” he stated. How he managed to make those words drip with sex Dean had no idea, but he did.

Dean turned to defend himself, and Felix caught his lips. Just like that, they were kissing again, and it wasn’t like Felix had been reserved about it before, but there was something more to it then. There was a new level of intensity and need in it as Felix’s lips moved against his own, and he began to feel the teasing movements of Felix’s tongue. Maybe he was just trying to show Dean he was into it, which if that was the case, he was wildly successful. Or maybe he was that fucking horny which if that was the case that was the hottest thing Dean could have experienced.

Dean kissed back because how could he not. With the fear that Felix was only going along with it out of obligation put to rest, Dean gave into it without reservation. He kissed Felix back with all the desire that had been building in him for months, meeting Felix’s tongue with his own.

Dean brought a hand to Felix’s back and started teasing at the hem of his t-shirt. For someone who was always complaining about being cold, Felix’s skin was so fucking warm and inviting. Dean was pretty sure he never wanted to stop touching Felix’s warm, soft skin.

When Dean felt Felix’s hands to returned to his pants and started working his zipper down, he remembered where this was be leading. Just because he and Felix hadn’t been having full-on sex didn’t mean they hadn’t fooled around plenty. Dean had seen Felix naked (which was fucking awesome), he knew what it felt like to have Felix’s hands or lips on his dick, and he knew what it was like to touch or taste Felix. Still, there was a likelihood that that day was going to be a hell of a lot more. They could have fumbled through it, but that felt like a risk. It probably didn’t help that he could hear Nico’s words ringing in his head.

As much as he didn’t want to, Dean pulled away from Felix’s lips. “Felix we should-” he started but struggled to continue. Felix was not deterred in the slightest, so when Dean had pulled away from his lips, Felix had just moved to kiss at his neck. He knew what he was doing too which was really distracting in the most amazing way. “Oh…,” he shuttered as Felix found an especially sensitive spot just below his ear, and he felt Felix’s teeth graze that spot softly. He took a shuttered breath and reminded himself to focus before he managed to continue, “-Probably talk first.”

“Dean,” Felix spoke against his skin, “Of all the things I want to do right now talking isn’t one of them.”

Felix was back to kissing at his throat, and Dean could feel him working his hand into his pants. If Felix could actually touch him like Dean really fucking wanted him to, Dean knew his resolve would crumble.

He pulled away from Felix’s touch and shimmied up the bed a little to escape Felix’s advances. Felix caught on quickly and looked fucking annoyed which was strangely sexy. Dean pushed his fingers through his hair, closed his eyes for a few seconds to center himself before speaking or at least trying to, “So how are we….I mean, how do you want to do this?”

Was that even English, Dean groaned inwardly. Dean had never been shy about sex, and he didn’t get why he was suddenly having such a hard fucking time talking about it. Maybe it was the pressure. He wanted things to live up to Felix’s expectations which would be a challenge if he didn’t know what Felix was expecting. It would have been better if he was just direct about it, but his stomach was turning itself in knots at the possibilities, and he probably should have been grateful he managed words at all.

It was the wrong thing to ask, that quickly became clear. Felix went from looking like he wanted to pounce on Dean to looking like he wanted to shrink away and maybe hide under the bed. His once lust-filled eyes became downcast, taking a bashful sort of interest in his hands resting on the bed. Felix was quiet too long, and Dean couldn’t miss how he chewed nervously at his bottom lip. It was a nervous habit Dean knew Felix had, but it was something he rarely actually saw when they were together.

Maybe this whole thing isn’t a good idea, Dean thought, maybe Felix really isn’t really ready yet. As soon as that thought crossed his mind, Dean immediately started trying to reign in his own expectations once again. He had waited this long, he could wait longer. He had no doubt Felix was worth it.

“How do you mean?” Felix finally questioned in such a soft un-Felix-like voice it was almost jarring.

Dean sucked in a long breath in hopes it would help him settle his own nerves. It didn’t, but he forced himself to answer anyway. “I mean, do you want to or-,” Dean was already stammering and then Felix looked up and there was something about the way he was staring at Dean that made it so much more difficult. He pushed his fingers through his hair and grumbled the first thing that came to mind, “God, Nico was right about this being awkward to talk about.”

He had said it under his breath or at least he thought he had. He could remember how he had thought Nico was exaggerating or that that particular experience wouldn’t be anything like that for him and Felix. It was just sex after all. What was so hard to talk about? Maybe that was part of the problem, Dean was starting to realize this wasn’t just sex. It was never going to be just sex with Felix.

Felix must have heard the thoughtless comment or at least enough of it to have questions. “What?” he asked sounding a little alarmed.

“Nothing, not important,” Dean quickly dismissed. Felix had been pretty fucking clear he didn’t want anyone knowing about him being a virgin, so there was no way he would have been cool with Dean calling Nico for advice. He hadn’t been trying to betray Felix’s confidence, and it wasn’t like he had been asking for a how-to guide for gay sex, it had just been the pressure of the whole thing that Felix’s virginity added. Nico had really been helpful, but he doubted Felix would care about that. All that he would hear was that Dean had talked about it with someone after he had specifically asked him not to. Dean had screwed things up enough for one day.

“I’ll-,” Dean started and was surprised when his own anxiety caused him to stumble. He took one long, controlled breath before trying again. “I’ll catch if you want,” he stated. He had hoped once the offer was out there, he would feel a sense of relief, but he didn’t. His anxiety tripled as he heard those words spoken in his own voice.

If the goal had been to decrease Felix’s apprehension with that offer, Dean seemed to have failed there as well. Felix was gnawing at his lower lip to the point that Dean was afraid he was going to start bleeding, and he wasn’t even trying to hide how he was avoiding actually looking Dean in the eyes.

“Is that what you want?” Felix asked with a note of uncertainty in his voice that Dean didn’t quite understand.

That wasn’t a question Dean had been expecting, and it took him a moment to process it completely. If he was being honest, it wasn’t. It wasn’t that Dean didn’t want to, but….well, it felt like a huge leap, and that intimidated him more than a little. He had never experienced anything like that before, and he had no idea how to even approach that. Add in the fact that it involved giving up control which Dean wasn’t great at normally with anything. It was more than just being intimidated by it because in some ways it really fucking scared him. He could deal with that because he trusted Felix.

It wasn’t like he could imagine Felix wasn’t nervous. He was probably imagining his first time being a certain way. Dean was willing to deal with his own anxiety to give Felix the first time he had been picturing. “I-,” Dean started to answer. All he had to do was say yes, but he didn’t feel like that was completely honest. “I’m offering,” he answered and immediately regretted it. He heard his own words and could hear how reluctant and uncertain he sounded, which wasn’t what he wanted or what he met.

“No shit,” Felix huffed disgruntledly. He looked up at Dean with clear annoyance in his eyes which just had Dean marveling at just how many ways he was fucking this up. At this point, he figured it would have just been quicker to buy Felix a chaste belt for how smooth he was being. “But that isn’t what I asked,” Felix pointed out sharply.

“I’m willing,” Dean answered before he thought about how that sounded. He really was making this so much more difficult then it needed to be which was beyond frustrating.

Ironically, Dean was pretty sure this was the first time he actually found it difficult to just say what he wanted to Felix. He forced himself to take a second and just breathe before he tried to explain. “It’s your first time,” Dean reminded, and Felix made no attempt to hide how he rolled his eyes. Dean was beyond caring about that because even if Felix didn’t think it was a big deal, it was. “I want it to be like you imagined it would be,” he shrugged. Why were they only having this conversation now, he wondered with regret. “Ya know?” he asked. Even if Felix wanted to act like losing his virginity wasn’t a big deal, he had to understand at least that.

Felix’s silence was physically painful, and the longer it lasted the more it hurt. It took everything Dean had to make himself look up in hopes of finding some kind of reassure in Felix’s hazel eyes, but his eyes were downcast.

Dean wanted to say something, but he couldn’t find the words, so the silence stretched until Felix spoke. “And what if that isn’t how I imagined it?” he questioned so softly Dean only barely made out the words.

Dean was good with language in general. He had started reading chapter books in kindergarten and had always had a deep love of language, so his comprehension was good. Still, even after he gave Felix’s words a few seconds to sink in they didn’t quite make sense. Felix couldn’t have actually met what it sounded like. He tried to think of an alternate explanation, but that just sent his brain going in circles. He had to give up trying before it drove him insane.

“What?” he questioned dumbly.

Felix let out a long-pained sigh before he starting to pick at the comforter thoughtlessly even though there was nothing there. “Whenever I’ve thought about us finally having sex, I never pictured it like that,” Felix admitted sheepishly. His eyes never lifted from the mattress as he spoke, and Dean could feel the nerves rolling off him in waves.

There it was again. Felix had said words, but Dean struggled to understand it. It took a painfully long time for things to click into place. “Oh,” he exclaimed with surprise. He wasn’t sure if he had heard Felix right or that Felix meant what Dean thought he meant. He couldn’t take the risk of making an assumption and being wrong. “So you want to….,” Dean tried to get the words out, but it was still a struggle. He gestured between himself and Felix in hopes of providing some clarity but immediately knew he had failed. “I mean you want me to…..?” Dean left the rest of the question unsaid. He was too nervous about saying the wrong thing and fucking things up even more than he already had.

Felix finally looked up and met Dean’s gaze with fire in his eyes. “I want you to fuck me, okay?” he declared with force. Dean was pretty sure hearing those words carried all the force of being slapped in the face, he was so surprised.

Felix huffed and rolled his eyes. Dean watched his body language shift from something sheepish and uncertain to that of a man going to war. He didn’t look away from Dean as he continued, “There, I said it!” Felix declared, “So are we fucking good already?”

Dean’s heart was pounding with such force, he felt partially deafened by the sound of the blood rushing in his ears. There was no questioning what Felix had meant because he was pretty fucking clear about it, and the way he was staring back at Dean, it was almost like a challenge. Dean’s lizard brain hopped up on all those horny teenage hormones wanted to throw words to the wayside and just pin Felix to the bed. The thought that Felix had actually pictured them together, and Dean….god, that was the hottest thing Dean had ever heard. He didn’t act on his base desires despite how badly he wanted to. “Are you sure?” he questioned, and he was proud with how he managed to keep most of his eagerness out of his voice.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Dean!” Felix exclaimed, “Yes, I am fucking sure!”

Anytime Dean had imagined him and Felix having sex he wanted to picture himself taking the lead and topping. He wanted to be the one to give Felix so much pleasure and the thought of Felix under him was definitely a turn on. Hearing there was a chance that Felix wanted that too was just mind-blowing. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning over and pressing a kiss on Felix’s lips.

It was a soft kiss, or at least it started out like that, but it quickly escalated. Dean wasn’t even sure who was to blame for that, but if history taught him anything it was that it was probably both of their faults. However it happened and whoever was responsible for it, Felix ended up joining him toward the head of the bed, Dean’s hands pushed up the back of his shirt enjoying the feel of Felix’s taut muscles move under his touch as they kissed with an increased need. It was like they were under some kind of spell, and they could only survive with each other’s touch.

That spell didn’t break when Felix pulled away. The distance between them lasted no more than a few seconds as Felix roughly tugged off his own t-shirt and tossed it aside. Dean got less than a second to enjoy the sight of Felix’s well-muscled torso before Felix’s lips were once again moving against his own. Dean kissed back with everything he had, happy that any sign the anxiety and clumsiness from before was gone as his hands explored the newly exposed skin of Felix’s back and stomach.

Felix sighed against his lips as they laid back on the bed, which was a sentiment Dean could easily second. Their legs entangled as Dean moved to support himself with one elbow, so he was looming over Felix without actually being on top of him.

Their lips pulled apart, and Dean didn’t rush to recapture Felix’s lips with his own. Instead, he let his eyes flutter open to look down and enjoy the view of Felix under him. There was something especially appealing in seeing Felix’s lips swollen from their kisses, the pupils of his amazing eyes blown wide with arousal, and his cheeks slightly flushed.

He let his free hand come to rest lightly on Felix’s bare chest. “We’ll go slow,” Dean promised softly and with a great amount of reverence for what Felix was offering him. He looked up to meet Felix’s gaze and found him looking back at him with interest. “And if you change your mind that’s okay,” he assured. “We can wait or I can-”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Dean,” Felix groaned interrupting him before he could finish. Unlike before when Felix had been obviously uncomfortable and trying to hide it by being aggressive and annoyed, Felix just seemed amused which was a relief in and of itself. “Do you always try to talk people out of sleeping with you?”

“No,” Dean answered with a shake of his head. He definitely wasn’t trying to talk Felix out of having sex, but he didn’t want him to feel pressured either. “But I don’t want you to think that I expect you to-”

“I don’t,” Felix interrupted quickly. Before Dean could remember what he was even trying to say, Felix pushed up on his elbows enough to press a hot kiss on his lips. It was quick and left Dean breathless when Felix pulled away smirking. “But can you really tell me you haven’t imagined it?”

“Um…..,”  Dean hummed nervously. He felt somewhat dumb from the blood rushing to everywhere except his brain, and he wasn’t sure if that was something he should admit to it. Of course, he had imagined fucking Felix, probably more then he should have since they started dating, but if he admitted that what would Felix think about his expectations. “I mean….,” he started to stammer not sure what he actually planned to say.

“That’s what I thought,” Felix said with confidence, and it was more than obvious he thought of it as a victory. He actually looked fucking proud which was such a weird turn on. Felix liked the idea of Dean thinking about having sex with him, Dean was surprisingly excited by that thought. It read on his face too, Dean could tell because the self-satisfied grin that Felix was wearing just grew wider.

Felix sat up a little straighter, reached out a hand, and ran it gently along Dean’s jaw before letting it settle on the back of his neck. He pulled Dean into another kiss and while it was still hungry there was something different about it when compared to the kiss they had shared only seconds earlier. There was a new sense of patience in Felix’s touch or maybe it was determination, Dean wasn’t completely sure, but whatever it was he was into it. When Felix pulled away, he stared into Dean’s eyes with a serious look and ordered, “Do yourself a favor and shut the fuck up.”

“God, you are such a fucking smartass,” Dean shot back with a grin before taking Felix’s advice. He shut up and put his mouth too much better use. He moved forward and kissed Felix’s perfect lips.

He felt Felix chuckle a little against his lips at first, but it quickly subsided as he kissed Dean back. Felix’s fingers went from gently caressing the back of Dean’s neck to tugging lightly at his hair as they laid back on the bed. Felix was on his back with Dean lying next to him on his side, but with the whole awkward conversation out of the way that didn’t stay that way for long. Dean didn’t feel the need to hold back now that Felix had literally said he wanted Dean to fuck him. Within seconds Dean moved so he was on top of Felix, straddling his thighs as they kissed.

Dean’s hands ran over Felix’s stomach, chest, and sides, appreciating the feel of hard muscle and bare skin. Felix had an insane body that if Dean was one-hundred percent straight he probably would have envied. Dean wasn’t one-hundred percent straight and as he touched Felix all he could think was how fucking lucky he was because Felix was his, and he was finally going to have him.

While Felix seemed to enjoy every touch Dean had to offer, he didn’t seem to have the patience for foreplay that he often did. He nipped at Dean’s bottom lip as his greedy hands started trying to push Dean’s jeans down his hips. His efforts felt clumsy and uncoordinated, but Felix made it work. He had Dean butt ass naked in an impressively short period of time with very little help from Dean.

Dean had barely managed to kick his clothes to the floor when he felt Felix’s palm rub along his newly exposed and painfully hard dick. Felix wasn’t being bashful about it either so Dean didn’t even get a chance to moan in utter delight before Felix’s fingers wrapped around his base, and he started stroking Dean in earnest.

Hand-jobs could be nice, but Dean had never thought they were something to write home about, or at least he hadn’t until the first time Felix had jerked him off. Felix knew what he was doing when handling a dick, that was just a fundamental truth. Felix’s stroking had lightening dancing behind Dean’s eyes and through his veins.

“Fuck,” Dean moaned as he gave in to the pleasure and pulled away from Felix’s lips, “Felix.”

“God, dude you’re so fucking easy,” Felix gloated playfully. He seemed completely unbothered by the loss of Dean’s lips as he started to kiss and lick at Dean’s jaw and throat hungrily. He was still stroking Dean’s cock which was the most distractingly wonderful thing Dean could possibly imagine. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re the virgin here,” he teased before moving to suck playfully at Dean’s earlobe.

“Or-” Dean went to defend himself. Felix knew him too well and as much as he liked to say Dean was the tease in the relationship, Felix could be a tease as well. Just as Dean started to talk Felix twisted his wrist as his fingers enclosed around the head of his dick and swiped over his sensitive head. “Oh,” he sighed as the jolt of pleasure had his thighs quivering. “-you’re just that good,” he offered. He recognized he would have sounded more convincing if he didn’t sound like he was a half a second from blowing his load, but he had no control over that.

Felix stopped kissing and sucking at his ear (but he didn’t stop stroking) and laid back on the bed so he was gazing up at Dean. Felix was fucking gorgeous laid out under Dean like he was. The wicked grin he was wearing only seemed to add to that. “Is that so?” Felix questioned teasingly.

“Yeah,” Dean replied. He gave Felix a once over as he figured out exactly what he wanted to do. It wasn’t hard for him to figure out. He leaned down and kissed Felix hard on the lips before starting to move down Felix’s body. As Felix’s fingers released their grip on him, Dean looked up with a smirk of his own. “Let me show you how good I can be,” he offered playfully.

“Dean, I know how good you are,” Felix replied. Dean couldn’t be positive, but he thought he heard a tremble of excitement in Felix’s voice. The hint of such a thing was enough to add to Dean’s confidence as he moved from kissing down Felix’s throat to moving down his well-sculpted chest.

He kissed, licked, and sucked at all the places he knew could make Felix quiver until he reached the waist of Felix’s track pants. He sat up as he hooked his fingers through the waistband of his pants and briefs. “Maybe,” he countered as he started to tug off the last of Felix’s clothes, “But I like to show you.”

Felix shifted and moved in all the right ways so Dean could undress him with ease. Dean couldn’t take his eyes away from Felix laying there naked as he tossed aside the last articles of clothing that had stood between him and his prize aside. Felix was quite the prize too. He lay back on cheap sheets with his adios like body, thick muscular thighs, and thick hard dick rising heavy out of a nest of dark curls. Even the tiny scar that was just below Felix’s belly button from when he had his appendix removed was utter perfection.

Felix shouldn’t own clothes, Dean thought, and it wasn’t the first time. It seemed like a crime that something so utterly stunning could be hidden away for most of the time. But, at the same time, Dean felt incredibly honored that what was laid before him was for him and just him.

Dean took a moment to run his finger along the deep V that pointed toward Felix’s groin and all the treasures that lay there. Felix let out a sigh that was probably the most beautiful sound Dean had ever heard and pressed his hips up subtly into Dean’s touch. “Oh dear fucking god, Dean,” Felix declared with what sounded like a mix of annoyance and desperation.

“And you say I’m easy,” he pointed out playfully as he grinned down at Felix.

Dean didn’t wait for Felix to reply before bending down and running his tongue along Felix’s cock starting at the base and running all the way up to the tip. He was already about as turned on as Dean could get but somehow the salty taste of Felix on his tongue managed to push him a little further.

“Fuck!” Felix gasped and squirmed under Dean’s touch, “Dean.”

Dean got his hands involved, wrapping one around the base of Felix’s cock while using the other to explore Felix’s body greedily before working down to play with his balls. He wet his tongue as he ran it over Felix’s erection from every side before wrapping his lips around the hard shaft.

Dean could never have anticipated that he would ever blow another guy let alone that he would enjoy doing it but there he was, and he really did enjoy it. He bobbed his head up and down on Felix’s dick and even managed not to gag when Felix’s cock would hit the back of his throat. There was something strangely empowering and sexy about the act itself, but the noises Felix was making really put it over the top.

As Dean worked up and down Felix’s length, Felix sighed and gasped with what sounded like increasing desperation. Dean heard the rustle of the sheets as Felix grasped at them and squirmed under his attention. He got lost in all of it, the noises Felix was making, the feeling of him squirming under his touch, the awareness of Felix’s thighs beginning to quiver from the sensation, all of it.

“Fuck, Dean!” Felix moaned as he squirmed under Dean more noticeably. “I thought we were going to do this,” he whined.

Moaning was good but whining was bad. Dean popped off Felix’s cock and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand as he looked up at Felix. “We are,” he replied with a grin. He moved up Felix’s body, pausing occasionally to place a kiss here or there. After taking a moment to enjoy how good Felix looked laying under him with his pupils wide with lust and kiss-swollen lips, he commented, “I didn’t realize we were in a rush.”

“I’ve waited months,” Felix pointed out with more annoyance then Dean would have liked considering what he had been doing to Felix only seconds before.

It wasn’t like Dean wasn’t aware that they had been waiting for months. He was aware, painfully so. That was why Dean didn’t want to rush. Well, it was one of the reasons. After so much tension and build-up, Dean knew it could have been easy to let their hunger and desire take the lead and bang one out like the fumbling horny teenagers they sort of were. Maybe if it wasn’t Felix’s first time Dean would have been okay with that because they had plenty of time to figure out what each other liked and wanted later. Dean didn’t want Felix’s first time to be clumsy and rushed.  

Under him, Felix shifted and looked off to the side, so he was no longer meeting Dean’s gaze defiantly. “Can’t we just get fucking on with it already?” he grumbled.

Oh, Dean thought as he thought he figured out what was going on. Felix was actually nervous about this whole thing and just didn’t want to admit. That was very like Felix so he really couldn’t be surprised. He was a little disappointed that he hadn’t seen it all along, but maybe he hadn’t wanted to.

Felix had also been pretty insistent from day one that he wanted to have sex, and he wasn’t at all attached to his virginity, but obviously, that was at least partially bravado. Dean didn’t know if Felix was just nervous about them having sex or if it was more about catching. Felix had volunteered, but maybe he wasn’t as certain as he had sounded. Dean wanted to do this, but if Felix was that nervous maybe they should wait a little while longer. They could talk things out more and figure out what each of them wanted it to be like without any pressure.

He needed to offer Felix an out that wouldn’t hurt his pride or leave him feeling rejected. Dean bit back his want as he began, “Are you-”

“Holy hell, Dean!” Felix interrupted as he turned his head back to look up at Dean. His striking eyes were filled with fire and some other emotion Dean couldn’t quite name. “If you ask if I’m sure again I swear to fucking god I will smack you,” he declared in a way that left Dean with no doubt that he would actually do it.

“Right,” Dean nodded.

He realized the other emotion he was seeing in Felix’s eyes, it was determination. Felix wasn’t going to admit that he was nervous. He had spent too much time telling Dean that he didn’t care that it would be his first time. Dean had made too big of a deal about the whole thing too. Just because Felix was nervous didn’t mean he still didn’t want to or wasn’t ready. Dean leaned down and pulled Felix into a kiss which was just as much to reassure himself as it was for Felix.

Felix sighed into the kiss which was one of the most amazing things. Dean pulled away reluctantly and shifted so he could stretch across the bed to his nightstand. He pulled out the box of condoms and lube from the topmost drawers. The condoms weren’t a new addition, Dean usually had some of those laying around just in case, but the lube he purchased on the off chance he and Felix ended up having sex. He left the condoms on the nightstand but brought the lube with him back to the bed.

He kissed along Felix’s jaw to his ear and nipped at his earlobe playfully before pulling back. There was one thing he had to say before he could think about moving forward. He looked down at Felix seriously as he spoke. “Any point you change your mind just say the word,” he assured genuinely.

“Yeah, sure,” Felix dismissed almost as if he hadn’t really heard him. Dean didn’t miss how his eyes flicked toward the nightstand for a second, and he would have sworn he saw the determination in Felix’s eyes increase tenfold. “But I’m not going to change my mind,” he stated with certainty.

Felix meant that, Dean could tell. The more Dean knew about Felix the more amazing he realized Felix was. He was definitely braver and bolder then Dean thought he could ever be. Felix might have been nervous, but he spoke with more certainty then Dean would have had considering.

That just added to the long list of reasons Dean was determined to make Felix’s first time perfect. It was more than that though because Dean wanted…no needed to make sure Felix felt how honored he was for being given the opportunity to make his first time perfect.

Once again Dean kissed down Felix’s body. He lavished every perfect inch of Felix on his way with his lips and his tongue and enjoyed all the little ways Felix responded to his touch. He moved down past Felix’s naval to kiss along the hinge between Felix’s thigh and groin. He was far from a first-time visitor there, but as he kissed, he let his hands settle behind Felix’s knees and gently urged them upward, which made it all feel very new.

Felix didn’t resist or even response with hesitation. At the lightest of suggestive touches from Dean, and Felix’s knees bent, and his legs fell open a little more as Dean heard him take a long smooth breath. Dean kissed at Felix’s fuzzy inner thigh with admiration as he fumbled amongst the bedding to find the bottle of lube he had so carelessly dropped somewhere on the bed.

It felt like it took an eternity to find the stupid bottle. It was a genuine challenge to not get too in his head about it because he couldn’t’ help but think he was already fucking things up. He probably could have been quicker about it if he stopped kissing at Felix’s leg and actually paid attention to what he was doing, but that just wasn’t going to happen either.

In reality, it probably took less than a minute to find the bottle. He popped the cap with one hand as he gave Felix’s thigh one last kiss. He could have touched and kissed at Felix forever, but he was pretty sure if he covered half the bed in lube that would kill the mood.

He pulled away just enough to watch as he poured some lube onto his fingers. Dean had no idea what he was doing when it came to that. It wasn’t like he had ever really had a need to use lube before, and even if he had, he had only been with girls. He doubted there was a whole lot of knowledge that could be carried over from that. Nico had been helpful in explaining that there was actually different lube for anal because Dean hadn’t known that, but he had never mentioned how much to use. He didn’t want to be a lubed up mess so he poured enough to coat two fingers to the first knuckle before carefully setting the lube aside where it could be easily found if he needed more.

Part of Dean wanted to look up and maybe see Felix’s hazel eyes filled with lust staring back at him, but didn’t dare in fear that Felix would see just how nervous he was. Instead, he kept his focus on the task at hand because it was definitely something new for both of them. He ghosted his hand first over Felix’s hard dick then over his tight balls before moving further until his slicked fingers were sliding along Felix’s taint.

The audible sound of Felix’s breath catching in what sounded like a breathy gasp reverberated off the walls as Dean’s fingers found the tight puckered skin of his hole. Dean hoped that was a good sound and not just a sign that he should have warmed up the lube a little.

Dean once again went to kiss hungrily at Felix’s inner thigh as he massaged at that wrinkled flesh. It was probably in his head, but Dean thought he could hear Felix’s breath grow more shallow. Normally that was a good sign, but Felix felt tenser to his touch then Dean was used to.

That was just unacceptable. Dean realized he needed to do something to distract Felix from his nerves. With his free hand, Dean reached up and grasped Felix’s erection and started stroking him lazily.

Dean paid attention to everything, to Felix’s breathing and the little noises he made, and let it all guide him to the right method. Within a matter of minutes, he could feel Felix relax to the point he seemed to be moving into Dean’s touch rather than tensing at them. That was more like what Dean wanted and more of what he was used to when he was fooling around with Felix.

Cautiously, he pushed the tip of one finger against Felix’s furrowed hole until he was able to press forward a little without too much resistance. He twisted his finger a little this way and that before pulling back out. There was a second where Felix might have tensed slightly at the little penetration, but it was gone almost as quickly as it appeared. Felix gave no other signs of discomfort, so Dean did it again pressing his finger in a little deeper and twisting a little more.

Dean continued to stroke Felix with his other hand. It seemed to work in keeping Felix generally relaxed, but Dean had jerked Felix off plenty of times, and he was normally more vocal then he was being at that moment. Dean was used to hearing a string of curse words moaned out in the most beautiful sexy voice, so he didn’t know what to think about the fact that Felix wasn’t.

As he continued to work his finger in a little deeper with each motion, Dean’s nervousness won out over his general fear of not coming across confidence. He dared to look up at Felix and wasn’t exactly happy with what he saw. Felix was staring up at the cracked ceiling of Dean’s bedroom with a look of extreme focus on his face.

Dean considered stopping, but Felix was still hard, and while he didn’t seem like he was over the top enjoying it, he wasn’t showing signs of discomfort. No feedback was so much worse than bad feedback, Dean just couldn’t take it. “Is this alright?” He finally questioned nervously as his hands continued to work.

“Yeah,” Felix answered in the most unconvincing way Dean had ever heard, “Its fine.”

What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Dean practically panicked because he was used to Felix being so straight forward about everything that some people called him blunt or rude. Dean didn’t want sugar coating if Felix was uncomfortable or just wasn’t into it. He couldn’t fix shit if Felix wasn’t talking to him.

Panicking wasn’t sexy so Dean shoved it down and acted like everything was cool. He didn’t stop the motion of either of his hands although he may have increased the determination in his stroking and eased back on his efforts to open up Felix’s tight hole. “It doesn’t hurt, does it?” he asked. God, he would hope Felix would tell him if something he was doing was causing him pain, but Felix felt so tight. His rim was snug around Dean’s finger with every little movement, and now Dean was sure he was going to need more lube. That had to feel like something.

“No,” Felix replied flatly.

Dean pressed his finger a little deeper into Felix’s tight heat and watched Felix’s response which was completely uninterpretable. It was beyond frustrating, and definitely panic-inducing.

So much for making Felix’s first time perfect, he thought with disappointment.

“Does it feel good?” he asked even though Felix was making it pretty clear it didn’t. He just needed Felix to say something and give him some direction.

“Honestly,” Felix huffed. It wasn’t a slight quiver or a breathy sigh that could have meant he was actually into it. It was a sound of annoyance and impatience that left little question about just how little he was enjoying what Dean was doing. “It feels like there is a finger up my ass,” he admitted flatly.

“Right,” Dean replied with understanding. It was a blunt answer, but at least it was an actual answer. Dean could deal with the feedback even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted it to feel good for Felix more. He would just have to try to change his technique until he found something that got more of the response he wanted.

He pulled out his one finger completely and release the grip he had on Felix’s dick with his other hand. That action might have been the first thing Dean had done that got an actually response from Felix.

“That didn’t mean I wanted you to stop!” Felix shouted as he sat up enough on his elbows to look down the bed at Dean in clear outrage.

Another time, a different situation, and Dean might have made a joke about sending mixed messages but didn’t because he knew better. “I’m not,” he assured instead as he grabbed the bottle of lube and held it up as proof.

Pour some more lube on a couple of fingers, it shouldn’t have been a particularly difficult or time-consuming task, but Dean’s hands were actually shaking for some unknown reason. It didn’t help that Dean couldn’t really completely take his eyes off Felix laying out on the bed with his perfect body and not a stitch of clothes on, or how he could feel Felix watching him with an intensity Dean rarely saw from him. He managed eventually, but it wasn’t nearly as quick or clean as his first go. “You think you’re ready for another,” he asked as he started to slide his hand back down between Felix’s legs.

“Yeah,” Felix answered sounding none too thrilled at the prospect. Even as Dean kissed affectionately at Felix’s inner thigh, he saw how Felix’s eyes flicked down to where Dean’s own erection sat between his legs before looking back up. “You know you could move things along a bit faster, ya know.”

Felix’s meaning was clear enough, and that was just not a real option, not yet at least. Felix felt insanely, impossibly tight on just one of Dean’s finger. There was no way he could just push his dick in and that end well. “Not fucking happening dude,” Dean stated firmly enough to get across his point. He ran his fingers along Felix’s crease again until he found his destination. He started swirling the tips of his two lubed up fingers around Felix’s rim before pressing both tips in ever so slightly. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he admitted a little more quietly.

Dean heard Felix issue a long shaking breath as he fell back on the bed. “Just hurry the fuck up,” he demanded, but not with the heat that would suggest he really meant it. Dean didn’t know if that was nerves or maybe something a bit closer to pleasure. Dean didn’t let himself focus too much on that because if Felix wasn’t completely enjoying it right then he was going to get him there.

Dean might not have said it, but there was no way he was going to rush things. He picked up the pace a little while still carefully attending to all of Felix’s little tells. With each motion forward Dean pushed his fingers in a little deeper before pulling back. He didn’t know if it was the addition of more lube or if Felix was actually just relaxing a little and adjusting to the penetration, but either way each motion forward felt like it was met with less resistance.

Less resistance didn’t mean that Felix still didn’t feel crazy tight. He continued to piston his fingers in and out, occasionally twisting or stretching his two fingers apart. Felix was still being quieter then Dean would have liked, but every once and a while he would let out a shaky breath or small sound that made it sound like he might almost be close to enjoying it.

While the experience wasn’t completely foreign it was definitely different and incredibly hot. It was probably weird that just fingering Felix was really turning Dean on even more than he already was. He was quickly realizing this was something they should have done already even if they weren’t ready to have full-on sex.

“Dean!” Felix growled in clear frustration and snapped Dean out of his own thoughts of all the things he and Felix should have been doing over the last few months.

“Patience,” Dean replied quickly. Any confidence in his voice was completely fake but he wasn’t going to tell Felix that.

He still didn’t want to push too far too fast, but he could take a hint. Felix wanted more of something, and he could at least try to deliver that. The next time he pressed his fingers inward and were in as deep as he had managed, Dean curled his fingers slightly to run along Felix’s inner wall gently as he slowly pulled his fingers back.

Dean was pretty sure he could pinpoint the exact moment he had done something really right because Felix pulsed around his fingers. More than that, Felix moaned something that sounded like it might have been a failed attempt to curse, but Dean couldn’t be sure. When he dared to glance up, he couldn’t have been happier or more turned on by what he saw. Felix was biting his lip like he was trying to stop himself from making any more noise, and he was gripping at the sheets.

Another layer of stress Dean hadn’t even realized he had been feeling fell away at such a perfect sight. He placed a kiss on Felix’s inner thigh before grinning up at his perfect boyfriend. “Was that okay?” he questioned. Sure, it was more than obvious it was, but Dean could use a little reassurance.

“Yes!” Felix cried out his reply. Dean could tell that Felix was trying to sound annoyed, but it still came out more like a moan. Dean was happy to take responsibly for that because as Felix had been going to talk Dean did that same thing with his fingers. He didn’t get the same intensity of a reaction that he had the first time so he figured he hadn’t hit just the right spot, but Felix’s knees still quivered, and his rim still momentarily tightened around Dean’s digits so he couldn’t have been too far off. “Dean….fuck…just…,” Felix stammered out without managing to get out a single coherent thought.

Felix didn’t have to say it out loud, Dean was pretty sure he knew what he wanted. Dean certainly thought he knew at least, and now that he had found something that seemed to be actually working for Felix, he certainly wasn’t going to stop.

It took him a few more tries before he could consistently hit that spot, but once he figured it out it was smooth sailing. It was so much hotter when Felix was moaning, cursing, and squirming with what seemed like his every motion.

It didn’t seem to take long before Dean was able to work his two fingers all the way into Felix with relative ease, and Felix felt…well, not really looser, but definitely more relaxed and malleable to the motions of Dean’s fingers. It was all so hot, Dean wasn’t sure he wanted to stop, but still he pulled his fingers back slowly. He didn’t miss the disgruntled little noise Felix let out either.

He looked up at Felix and tried to ignore all the ways Felix looked incredible hot, and there were a lot of them, so it really was a challenge. “Should I add another or do you think you can-?”

“Fuck Dean,” Felix groaned as he interrupted. His voice was so husky and lust-filled, if Dean wasn’t already shaking from want he would have been from the sound of Felix. Before Dean could ask for clarification, Felix snatched the box of condoms off the nightstand and chucked them down at Dean. The box just missed hitting Dean in the face which in and of itself sent a pretty clear message. “Just put one on already,” Felix ordered, “Fuck!”

Dean had never fumbled with a box of condoms so much in his whole life, not even his first time. If ever asked why he was going to blame it on his lube covered fingers even if he was pretty sure his nerves were more of the problem. He eventually managed to get the box open, rip one condom out of the pack and tossed the rest aside. At that point Dean was so beyond fucking around he didn’t even try to hide his eagerness by fumbling to open the stupid thick wrapper with his fingers, he brought it up to his mouth and ripped it open with his teeth.

“Eager?” Felix questioned playfully. When Dean dared to look up at him, he was quite the sight: Felix already had sex hair which, no surprise, looked fucking good on him. He was still flush, and his chest was still heaving. It was all very sexy but the smirk he saw on Felix’s face as he met his gaze put it all over the top.

Of course, Felix was mouthing off even at that moment because it was Felix. It was that sort of shit that made Dean love him.....

Wait…..

Nope, Dean didn’t have time to even consider trying to think about where that thought came from. He pushed it aside for the moment being and focused on the present. “Maybe a little,” he admitted with a grin of his own. God, he could feel himself blushing which felt ridiculous because he had been naked in front of Felix plenty and there was nothing he felt he needed to be embarrassed about in his own desires. Maybe it was that he was just then realizing how much he wanted this.

“About fucking time you showed it,” Felix countered sounding so fucking cocky Dean was half convinced that he had been the one that had been laying on his back moaning wantonly only seconds before.

It just made Dean smile. He sat up and pulled the condom out of the wrapper as he looked down at Felix incredulously, “You are really going to mouth off right now?” he asked teasingly.

“What? You want me to be fucking quiet?” Felix retorted confidently.

Well, he really had Dean there. Dean tossed the used condom wrapper aside with one hand. “No,” he admitted easily and truthfully before leaning in to press his lips against Felix’s once again.

Whatever Dean had expected to find in that kiss, he didn’t really know, but it was all heat, urgency, and the playful bite of teeth. Felix’s fingers entangled in his hair and tugged enough to send chills down his back as Dean took his own dick in hand and slide on the condom. Dean’s own touch was nowhere near as satisfying as it would have been if it was Felix’s hand, Dean knew. Still, the little contact to his own needy dick had shivers running down his spine with a mix of satisfaction and hunger.

Dean never hated anything as much as he hated pulling away from Felix’s lips at that moment. He did it because it had to be done, and he did it with purpose because he needed Felix’s lips and touch back. He snatched the bottle of lube off the bed, popped the cap, and poured a generous amount of lube on his hand.

Lube in hand, Dean once again reached between his own legs, took himself in hand, and gave himself a few strokes to spread the lube. It was surprisingly difficult not to moan at the simple touch, but he managed because boy, would that have been embarrassing. The fact that Felix made no attempt to hide how he watched Dean didn’t help things any because there was intensity and hunger in Felix’s eyes that was pulling him in. Ignore your shaking hands and the fact that I have no idea how I am supposed to do this, Dean told himself as he gave himself a few last strokes.

“Um, is this okay?” he questioned feeling weirdly bashful it all of a sudden. Felix’s only reply was to cork an eyebrow at him in confusion. Fair enough, Dean thought, it wasn’t like I was clear. He looked at Felix laid out before him like the yummiest present Dean had ever seen, and it didn’t decrease his want any. But laying out like that, so exposed, would Felix be comfortable like that? “This position?” he clarified with a little gesture.

Felix bit his bottom lip lightly which was just so fucking hot it wasn’t fair. “Yeah,” he answered after giving it a second thought. Dean noticed the slight blush that spread across Felix’s cheeks as he continued, “I mean, how else are we going to do it? Doggie style?” It was probably just in his head, but he thought Felix seemed to watch him like he was looking for some sort of reaction. Dean wasn’t opposed to doggie style in general, and Felix had an amazing ass so it could probably be hot as hell, but it didn’t feel all that intimate. He didn’t know if Felix saw something in his face or just decided to move past it. “No, this is good,” he assured although he didn’t sound completely certain.

Dean could have questioned it more and part of him wanted to, but that hadn’t gone over well so far. “If you’re sure,” Dean offered hoping that left things open enough that Felix felt like he could speak up if he changed his mind.

He leaned in once again and pressed his lips against Felix’s. They kissed as Dean shifted on the bed, moving up more so he was kneeling between Felix’s widespread legs. Felix didn’t waste any time waiting to wrap his legs around Dean’s waist, which was undeniably sexy. As his lips worked against Felix’s, Dean reached between his own legs and took his own dick in hand to put himself in position. When he felt his head press against the dimple of Felix’s furrowed entrance, he pulled away from Felix’s lips ever so slightly. “Ready?” he asked breathlessly.

“Yeah,” Felix replied, and with this at least he seemed certain, “Just go for it already.”

Dean smirked at that before kissing Felix hard. As he kissed Felix as if his life depended on it, he pushed his hips forward as slowly and as gently as he could. There was a second where Dean could feel Felix’s tight hole resist before giving way, and Dean felt himself press past that tight rim.

The kiss ended almost the second Dean actually pushed inside because Felix turned his head away from Dean and let out a long wordless moan. Dean wasn’t much better as he groaned audibly at the sensation. He had thought Felix had felt tight on his fingers, but it was something else completely feeling that tightness wrapped around his hard dick.

As good as it felt, Dean still pushed in slowly, wanting to give Felix time to adjust. It felt like an hour, but it was probably more like five minutes before Dean was fully buried in the tight hot space of Felix’s ass.

It was so hot too, it filled Dean with the desire to shift and move and thrust in that snug heat. He didn’t, at least not right away. He waited a few seconds to give them both a chance to adjust. He listened to the sound of their heavy breaths mixing together in an arrhythmic way as he focused on all the things that could keep him grounded in reality rather than getting too lost in the sensation. There was just so much sensation and it was all so intense. It had stars dancing on the backs of his eyelids and electricity coursing through his veins.

When Felix’s breathing seemed to settle a little, and Dean thought the tight space of Felix felt a little more relaxed around him, he dared to move. It wasn’t anything big or dramatic, just a small experimental thrust, but it was enough to have Dean gripping the sheets at the feeling of it. Felix gasped and threw his head back as well, but the sound of him was at least practically drowned out by the sound of Dean’s blood rushing through his ear.

Dean didn’t know why he was already so close to coming, but he could feel the cold heat already rushing toward critical mass deep in his stomach. It wasn’t like it was his first time, but it sort of felt like it. Maybe it was just the months of tension that led to that moment, or maybe it was just that Felix felt that good.  

He kissed at Felix’s jaw, licked at his throat, and nipped at his earlobe as he found a gentle rhythm. The sounds of Felix gasping and sighing with pleasure at Dean’s every motion was like music to his ears. The smell of Felix, a mix of lemony soap and sweat was like a blissful haze over Dean’s senses which erased anything in the world that wasn’t Felix.

Dean body practically ached to go faster but he still had just enough reason to hold off. So many months of taking things slow, Dean knew this wasn’t the time to rush. The feel of Felix’s strong fingers tangling in his hair, his hard body under him, his tight rim gripping around his dick with Dean’s every motion and the warmness that lay beyond, it was all so much different than anything Dean had experience with his previous girlfriends. For the first time, Dean realized what everyone kept telling him about how this was going to be a first time for him too.  It definitely felt new.

Organically, slow experimental motions morphed to certain and rhythmic thrusts. The sounds Felix made changed with his motions: gasps and sighs turning to moans, cries, and the occasional curse word. All of it sounded pleasured, but just like when Dean had been fingering him, Felix was too quiet. Dean was used to the near constant string of profanity from Felix when they fooled around. He was pretty sure the only time Felix was quiet was when they were at Felix’s place, and Leonard was working in the other room, and that always seemed like it took some effort.

As Dean continued to move and Felix’s tight rim slid around his girth with the smallest motion filling Dean with such intense sensation, he ran one hand down Felix’s side. The feel of hard muscle as his fingers ran down Felix’s side and over his hip before settling to grip his thick thigh was especially thrilling. With that grip, Dean gently urged Felix’s thigh up until it came to rest over the top of Dean’s hip. It was barely a change, but it felt like so much more- tighter and hotter and just more.

“Fuck,” Felix moaned under him. Dean felt his fingers tug at his hair, and he heard the rustle of sheets underneath them as Felix scratched at them. “Dean…ooooh….there,” he moaned as he threw his head back a little.

“Felix,” Dean moaned. His hair tingled, and it felt like fire was running through his veins. It was all a million times more perfect the Dean had ever dared to imagine it would be.

He kissed at Felix’s neck as he felt Felix release his hair in favor of gripping at his bicep. The feeling of Felix’s short nails biting into his arm definitely wasn’t a negative. It probably shouldn’t have been, but Dean found it strangely arousing. It helped to give Dean something to focus on besides how tight and warm Felix felt and the growing ball of tension in his groin.

“Dean,” Felix moaned as his grip on Dean’s arm tightened almost painfully.

Dean tightened his own grip on Felix’s meaty thigh as he moved. “Felix,” he gasped out the name in the curve of Felix’s throat.

“Fu…ck,” Felix moaned with increased intensity, “Fuck, Dean!”

God, Dean hoped that meant Felix was getting close because he wasn’t sure how long he could resist the ecstasy that he could feel building within himself begging for release. “Yum, Felix,” he gasped into the crook of Felix’s throat, “You feel so…-” tight, warm, and perfect, “-good.”

“Ah, Dean!” Felix cried out in the most beautiful way Dean had ever heard, “Fuck I-”

“Felix,” Dean whimpered in response. Felix’s thighs tightened their hold on Dean’s waist and the heels of his feet pressed against Dean’s ass every time he pulled back urging him to thrust forward again. “Oh, wow,” Dean moaned as his arms began to shake with the intensity of the moment.

Dean gave in to his own desire and increased the speed of his thrusts a little. His toes practically curled at the sound of Felix gasping with pleasure at the subtle change. “Dean!” Felix moaned desperately as Dean could feel him growing tighter. There was a moment, no more than half a heartbeat, where the grip Felix’s thighs had on Dean’s waist became almost painful and then it all came to a perfect disastrous end.

“Fuck!” Felix cried out at an almost deafening volume as Dean felt him shutter under his continued thrusting. The way Felix’s thighs quivered around his waist, how he arched up off the bed, and how his nails bit into the meat of Dean’s arm were nothing compared to the feel of Felix’s entrance actually pulsing around his girth or the subtle but unmistakable feeling of hot cum spraying between them and across Felix’s stomach and chest.

Dean couldn’t ignore the perfection of knowing he had gotten Felix to cum or the rapidly building ball of pleasure deep within himself. The dam broke and a wave of undefinable, indescribable bliss washed over him as he managed a few last thrusts.

He may have gasped or moan. He could have prayed to every deity he could think of, Dean wasn’t sure. There was a long moment where the only things he knew was Felix: the smell of him, the taste, the feel of his skin against his own and his warmth. His entire existence buzzed warmly like the static that existed between radio stations.

Reality came back slowly and still far too fast before Dean couldn’t ignore the way his arms shook from the effort of holding himself up a second longer. He still managed to push himself up a little more unburying himself from the crook of Felix’s throat.

He gazed at the perfect that was Felix laying under him. He looked much like Dean felt: disheveled, exhausted to the point of being spent, and completely satisfied. His dark hair was tousled and spiked from sweat, his chest was heaving as he panted like he had just ran ten miles, his face was flush from the exertion, and he was wearing an easy little smile.

Dean could feel himself grinning ear to ear to the point that he was sure his face would actually hurt from it later, but he couldn’t stop himself. He was brave enough to dare lift one hand and reached down to brush a stray piece of hair back from Felix’s forehead.

“We really shouldn’t have waited so long to do that,” Dean admitted softly. He remembered his reasons for wanting to wait, and he still saw the logic in them, but they just didn’t seem as pressing as they had before.

Felix made a dismissive little noise and smirked up at him. “That was all you dude,” he reminded. The tone was very much an I told you so sort of thing, and Dean knew he deserved that.

“Right,” Dean admitted. It wasn’t like he could deny it because Felix had been saying he was ready and willing for months, and Dean had been the one putting the brakes on the whole thing. “I’m a fucking idiot,” he admitted sincerely.

It probably hadn’t been a perfect first time for Felix, but perfect was such an unreasonable goal, Dean recognized that now. It had still been pretty fucking incredible, and a hell of a lot better than either of Dean’s first times with his previous girlfriends. That was the thing that mattered, and Dean hoped that it had lived up to whatever expectations Felix had had.

He looked over Felix under him. He was glistening with sweat and there were a few streaks of sticky white cum on his chest and stomach. “And you’re hot as fuck,” he pointed out without shame. He didn’t think Felix could get any more attractive than he was, but he had. Dean could have simply marveled at the fact that Felix was his forever, he was that good-looking.

Felix pushed up and caught Dean’s lips in a quick kiss. The lust from before was cooled so the kiss felt affectionate and maybe a little lazy but not in a bad way. It spoke perfectly to the lingering sense bliss that Dean could feel wrapped around his senses.

Somewhat reluctantly, Dean pulled back and out of Felix’s warmth. Felix immediately groaned out a curse at the motion. It was definitely not a good sound.

Dean definitely had a moment of panic. Could he have misread everything so badly? Had he somehow managed to hurt Felix at some point and hadn’t realized? Was he really fucking it up now?

He swallowed all the panic down as he sat back on his haunches. “You okay?” He questioned with concern.

“Yeah, that just feels fucking weird,” Felix admitted as he pushed up a little, so he was sitting with his back resting against the pillows. He meant that, Dean could tell, which was a huge relief. As Felix reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a few tissues Dean pulled off the condom and climbed off the bed to dispose of it.

“Guess I’m just not a fan of that part,” Felix added as he blotted at the streaks of cum that were starting to pool in the curves that outlined the muscles of his stomach.

Dean returned to the bed and sat down so he was sitting cross-legged in front of Felix. He could have been happy to just stare at Felix laying naked on his bed like some kind of sex god, but he managed to find words. “What about the other parts?” he asked sincerely.

Felix looked up from his work as he continued to clean the mess off his chest and stomach and stared at Dean with a completely unreadable expression. “I mean you couldn’t tell?” he questioned gravely. There was a second where Dean was pretty sure his heart had literally climbed into his throat, and he couldn’t breathe until the wickedest little smirk spread across Felix’s perfect lips. He corked an eyebrow at Dean sardonically before asking, “Or are you just one of those guys that need to hear that you totally rocked my world? Is your ego really that fragile?”

Dean let out a long breath he really hadn’t been trying to hold and tried to play it off as a little laugh. “I don’t need to hear it, but it doesn’t hurt,” he admitted. That might not have been completely true because just hearing Felix allude to that had him breathing easier, but he wasn’t going to admit that. There really was no hiding the grin that he felt spread across his face. “Did I really rock your world?” he questioned teasingly.

“You are such a fucking asshole,” Felix declared as he reached out and gave Dean’s shoulder a playful shove.

There was no heat in it. It was such a playful and easy thing, and Dean couldn’t have asked for anything more perfect. He laughed and moved up the bed to lay down next to Felix. “Sorry,” he offered as he settled on his side to gaze at Felix still naked and next to him on the bed.

Felix tossed the used tissues in his hand in the direction of the trash can. He missed by a mile and didn’t seem to care as he moved to settle back on the bed with Dean. He laid so he was staring up at the cracked and discolored ceiling as Dean lay on his side next to him staring at him with complete reverence.

They didn’t really talk, and they didn’t need to. There was something perfect and comfortable in the shared silence. For a while, all there was was the sound of their soft breaths. After a moment, Dean reached out one hand and started to run his fingers down the hard lines of Felix’s body softly. Felix let out a low hum like a purr which certainly didn’t discourage Dean from continuing to touch him.

Felix was the most perfect thing that Dean had ever had in his life, and he was starting to think that he would never know anything better. Dean didn’t want anything or anyone else because how could anything ever compare to Felix or that moment.

Dean was the one that broke the silence with a question he hadn’t realized was on his mind until he was asking it out loud. “Would you want to stay over?” he questioned. Once it was said, Dean realized how badly he wanted that. He didn’t want to bring Felix home ever, he definitely didn’t want to bring him home that night.

Felix turned his head and looked at Dean with clear confusion coloring his bright hazel eyes. “Like tonight?” he asked uncertainly.

“Yeah,” Dean answered with a little nod. It was stupid, but he suddenly felt nervous or bashful about it. He was preparing himself for Felix to turn him down or just not be able to. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked at all to avoid any awkwardness, but he still really didn’t want to take Felix home. “My dad’s in Nashville for a three-day gig so I have the house to myself,” he explained as he focused his attention on his fingers ghosting over the prominent bone at Felix’s hip. “I thought maybe, I don’t know, you could stay if you wanted, and if your dad was cool with it,” he offered to try to offer Felix as many outs as he could think of just in case.

Felix stretched much like a cat in the sun, and it was equal parts sexy and lazy. Dean didn’t have much time to think any beside how he liked seeing Felix like that before Felix rolled over, so he was laying on his side facing Dean. Their knees just barely touched as Felix settled next to him with a thoughtful expression written across his face. He reached out a hand and gently pushed a stray hair away from Dean’s face before declaring seriously, “You are so lucky you are hot and good in bed because you ask stupid fucking questions sometimes.” Dean blushed despite himself and tried to downcast his eyes, but he and Felix were laying too close so there was no avoid Felix’s gaze. The hand that had so gently pushed the hair from Dean’s face settled at his hip as a cocky little smile spread across Felix’s face. “Of course I want to,” Felix assured in such a confident way it. “And my dad can go fuck himself for all I care,” Felix declared which really wasn’t anything new for Felix, but it still made Dean smile. He was sure it was a mindless thing, but Felix started tracing little circles on the skin of Dean’s hip which was pretty distracting in all the best ways. “But if I’m staying we have to order a pizza or something because I’m fucking starving,” Felix informed.

“God, me too,” Dean admitted with a little laugh. He had been so anxious about the day that eating before Felix came over had seemed pretty unappealing. Now that the anxiety was gone Dean was left feeling very satisfied from the sex and very hungry. “Do you want pizza?” he questioned as his mind started to run through the options. “No one delivers out here,” he admitted. His place was too far from town for shit like that which was one of the many reasons Dean had been so driven to get a car when he was sixteen. They could also drive into town for food, but that involved things like going outside or putting on clothes which Dean wasn’t really into. Or at least he wasn’t into the idea of Felix putting on clothes. He wanted Felix to stay naked forever. “It is probably quicker if I just cook something,” he offered.

“It’s food, I’m there,” Felix replied quickly before seeming to think about it. “You cook?” he questioned looking at Dean with a bit of surprise.

“Yeah, I cook,” Dean admitted with a smile. His dad was actually a pretty good cook, but he had just never been around consistently enough for Dean to ever rely on it. He had learned to cook at a young age as a survival mechanism, and it just sort of stuck. Dean guessed that was just another way Felix got to learn something new about him.

He started to roll over with the intent of getting up as he declared, “Just give me a few minutes, and I can get something started.”

Dean didn’t even manage to roll completely over before Felix hand caught him at the hip and stopped him. “Not right now,” Felix declared before moving on the bed until he was snuggled against Dean’s back with his arm slung over Dean’s stomach. “We should just lay for a little while longer,” Felix offered with none of the confidence he had only seconds before.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed happily as he settled back into Felix’s embrace, “I like that idea.”

Again, I hope this lived up to expectations!