azsdiary

[azsdiary]

VIVA LA 2010s

BRING IT BACK I WANNA SIP MAI TAIS UNDER PALM TREES IN MIAMI WHILST MUSIC DRIFTS THROUGH THE AIR WAVES W MY MAN DECKED HEAD TO TOE IN SWAG BLASTING MINDLESS BEHAVIOR SO WE CAN PRACTICE OUR MOVES FOR THE TOUR WITH THE SNAPBACK ON FACING ANYWAY BUT FORWARDS UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG!!

God will keep you, but you must keep to Him.

[azsdiary]

Who’s your fashion inspo, and what’s your favorite piece of fashion.

everyone i’ve ever seen that wore something i liked is my inspiration

what about you?

my favourite piece - i’ve never had one. that’s really hard to pick just one. but it’s these 2 lately:

they look like this song sounds:

[azsdiary]

It’s cold out.

I’m crying about Lucas Coly again.

With him, and Cameron passing all those years ago.

Just feels like nothings left alive of my ability to be attracted to men like it might’ve died too.

Trying to live a good life regardless and hide less.

Until next time 💕🥸🌴🌺

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I’m so sad I’m just going to turn in for the night

I don’t know why these days have been so hard.

I’m exhausted also :/

Really need a break

It’s all weird. God will deliver me.

[azsdiary]

Literally ❤️

I love these photos. They make me feel warm.

I am so sadddd rn for seasonal and grieving and who knows what other reasons - but this helped:

Especially this one^

I love how this song sounds like it doesn’t want to end.

[azsdiary]

I love these photos. They make me feel warm.

I am so sadddd rn for seasonal and grieving and who knows what other reasons - but this helped:

Especially this one^

I love how this song sounds like it doesn’t want to end.

[azsdiary]

Mood: Neymar Jr’s fanclub 🎢

Hurting, but still praying, still working. Still here. Still wondering how Neymar jr got to like… everyone.

[azsdiary]

Men & Other Things

Watching best man holiday

And I’m thinking life’s too short to act like I don’t want what I want. But this is the courage that only comes when alone in my room with a good film… How can I get that courage outside with me…?

I want that man God. What can I do?

I realise now Im probably battling social anxiety. Sometimes I just want to leave and go home in the middle of church - and I make it all the way outside when I thought I was going to the toilet. And then I just stand there staring at the winter evening thinking why can’t I go now? Run away home now and try again next week Sunday instead? Because I’ll do the same thing every week until I am lost. I must stay and stick it through.

Last week my own shadow actually struck fear in me because I thought it was another person entering the same space as me. What am I scared of?

Last week also I turned to my left as I sat down and a male friend was next to me I’d made just recently. I was so spooked and couldn’t shake off the feeling. I hope he couldn’t tell. I hope he left straight after the service because he had important things to do and not because I dashed out the room as soon as they said hold your neighbour’s hand (for unrelated reasons)

I was brave for some of this Sunday but not enough. Next time.

Dear God, please say there’ll be a next time.

[azsdiary]

where are my friends?

I stopped trying to make some.

sigh.

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I can’t even lie it’s just me and dem boyz at this point

And We’re honestly on our last legs.

No honestly why can’t I talk to a man without community feedback and mass suspicion. You can’t tell me that any girl talking to a guy gets community questioned.

And I’m constantly scared my crush will be told I was talking to a man and I’ll lose any chance with him forever. Which my home girl says is silly. But is it?

The Bible said to lift up one another and that’s what I do - through uplifting God filled conversation. But no apparently that’s not the moment idk I’m tired of typing

Bye Xo

[azsdiary]

Me, speeeding omw ina Time Machine to whichever year next brings the revival of the swag era:

N I’m driving fast !!

ZEEeeOOOOOoooOoOoOoOEUUUuuUMMMMM 🏎️

[azsdiary]

What can I say. I sleep I wake I try to serve right. I love Jesus. He is my friend. I really have nothing else to say. That’s jet li’s wife by the way.

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Hey it’s the am and I can’t sleep.

Regina is so funny. I want to be funny too. Talk later!

[azsdiary]

I’ll be home soon I think.

I’m feeling so confident and scared these days. I don’t know why God. Time to sleep :)

[azsdiary]

Mood today: “Where mark, where mark”

It’s been 25 days since I was “on top of the world” just before Lucas died, I gave up my crush and just crashed. I didn’t even know this could happen. 25 days passed like a bad weekend. It’s been so hard every day. I’m not sure why. I’m trying my best.

Nehemiah 8:10

Then Nehemiah Told them go and eat what is rich, drink what is sweet, and send out portions to those who have nothing prepared since today is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

I can do it I can pick myself up with His strength.

[azsdiary]

Kinda numb kinda stunting on em ngl.

[azsdiary]

🙏🏾