azsdiary

[azsdiary]

where are my friends?

I stopped trying to make some.

sigh.

[azsdiary]

I can’t even lie it’s just me and dem boyz at this point

And We’re honestly on our last legs.

No honestly why can’t I talk to a man without community feedback and mass suspicion. You can’t tell me that any girl talking to a guy gets community questioned.

And I’m constantly scared my crush will be told I was talking to a man and I’ll lose any chance with him forever. Which my home girl says is silly. But is it?

The Bible said to lift up one another and that’s what I do - through uplifting God filled conversation. But no apparently that’s not the moment idk I’m tired of typing

Bye Xo

[azsdiary]

Me, speeeding omw ina Time Machine to whichever year next brings the revival of the swag era:

N I’m driving fast !!

ZEEeeOOOOOoooOoOoOoOEUUUuuUMMMMM 🏎️

[azsdiary]

What can I say. I sleep I wake I try to serve right. I love Jesus. He is my friend. I really have nothing else to say. That’s jet li’s wife by the way.

[azsdiary]

Hey it’s the am and I can’t sleep.

Regina is so funny. I want to be funny too. Talk later!

[azsdiary]

I’ll be home soon I think.

I’m feeling so confident and scared these days. I don’t know why God. Time to sleep :)

[azsdiary]

Mood today: “Where mark, where mark”

It’s been 25 days since I was “on top of the world” just before Lucas died, I gave up my crush and just crashed. I didn’t even know this could happen. 25 days passed like a bad weekend. It’s been so hard every day. I’m not sure why. I’m trying my best.

Nehemiah 8:10

Then Nehemiah Told them go and eat what is rich, drink what is sweet, and send out portions to those who have nothing prepared since today is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

I can do it I can pick myself up with His strength.

[azsdiary]

Kinda numb kinda stunting on em ngl.

[azsdiary]

🙏🏾

[azsdiary]

Its my birthday soon and I’m trying to have a casual dress fun party with a crazy tiered cake like the 2000s girls used to have.

I’m trying to stay above water :l nothings been the same since that second week of October. I’ve been on my knees more than ever head messed up. God’ll do it :)

Justin has such a beautiful voice. Pharell is so cool so LV so talented so awesome:)

[azsdiary]

Rest in power Lucas Coly

This was my teenhood crush. He was so fine to me back then i had to block him for my mental health. Long after the crush faded, His personality and vulnerability helped me understand my own. His girlfriend showed me girls like me could be loved. Hard to think about. Difficult to accept. I’m scared. Love those around you. I need to do that before it’s too late. Real wake-up call. Now I can’t sleep.

My sister once said my type in men is boys with cold emotionless eyes and I tried to explain that they aren’t. That there’s actually none such thing.

It’s 2am and I’m shaken. God have mercy.

[azsdiary]

I feel on top of the world.

Glory be to God who delivered me from the pit. Who set me above my enemies. Who made a space for me and guided me to it. He is to be praised.

[azsdiary]

Everything is Okay.

I don’t know what to say exactly thank you God. This picture reminds me of God & Myself these days.

I learnt that God is really always replacing what He removes with so much better - just like in the Book.

Not for a minute was I forsaken. I feel like I broke through a wall that I can never return through.

Like Jiang Han in Dreambreaker: Unawakened city. Neo in the Matrix. Something has changed and I am a new person.

I took no revenge. I Know He will avenge me.

Do not take revenge, dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath - Romans 12:19.

and I still want my ride or die.

[azsdiary]

Just Wright 🏀

loved this movie, I remember watching it as a child. I rewatched it this year and loved it all over again. My <3 feels so full it might explode. What can I do, God?

[Just Wright, Queen Latifah, Common, Paula Patton]

[azsdiary]

Good afternoon to everybody except this specific low taper-fade Afro edition of Bryce Wilson because WHY doesn’t he exist anymore OH the INJUSTICE of it all-

It’s a taper fade and it’s a moustache & it’s a goatee combination that’s going to do it for me every single time friends. Every. Every. Every.

Soft loving

I’ve found myself watching Donnel Jones, Jon B & Tevin Campbells’ BET performances - and I’m so and warm inside & happy. Now a Luther vandross tribute at Black Music Honours ugh I feel like I’m ready to live life loving everything and everyone again no matter how painful it might be. And next is Keke Wyatt tributing TAMIA!!? I’ll melt through this floorrr.

Dear Godddd I need to listen to this soft sweet soul music more often. Soften and sweeten me up for this hard hard life. Open my heart up to love. Just need to Gospel and Luther Vandross my wholeeeeeeeee life.

I feel I should note that I’m not attracted to Bryce at all, it feels nice to pretend to be normal girly with more than just one crush every decade - sigh.

I still think he looks good though in this one specific version of him and that deserves a shout out as it’s not spoken about enough! I just wonder a little why no other version looks good to me at all.

Oh well. Make a schedule the night before each day, really sets you up to make the most of the time God gave you.

[azsdiary]

I’m making friendssss HAHA. And it’s tough but I’m still going. Perfectionist where? I’m saved by Christ and working on, forgetting the bad that happened behind me. Here, listen in:

And I’m taking it slow. Trusting depending on what I learn, figuring people out before I share the depths of my precious thoughts & plans.

It was soo hard feeling the pain of being imperfect and having to not shut down but move forward, not repeat the same mistakes. I fight for things I don’t care about when I should take time and revisit them when they’re meaningless. I forget that my mistrust should be overlooked by love, covering a multitude of things - because to love is to trust. And I take out old friend issues on new friends.

But I’m trying. And I won’t quit until I’m throwing annual girly staycations with games nights and Bible studies. Never give up never WHAT?

[azsdiary]

Fairytales

The other day I saw a white horse drawn cart. And I thought I heard God say ‘ fairytales do come true.’

Friends, I think, it is time to start a new K drama.

I want to grow this plant at my marital house. It’s so super pretty. I found it on the floor face down, in the rain. she just like me fr. A flower on the pavement.

I think I avoided dramas because I feared comparison to my life. But they gave hope -soo I’ll try again.

Life updates? I’m grateful for those around me. I’m so grateful to God. Don’t wait for the right time guys, do it now.

I looked in a child’s eyes, and they were sad for me as I asked about you… I didn’t know why back then. But Oh well. We all know now.

Until next time tumblr xo