#whew this took me years

[thrumugnyr]

''I befriended him. Sought him out whenever I was able to get away from the war camps or court. Maybe it was pity, but...''

[frizzyanya]

Me: *taking notes trying to learn smart people things*

Okay, when water gets warmer it expands.

*checks notes*

And when it gets very cold, it *also* expands.

It just kind of contracts........in the middle?

Cool, cool, we're doing great, this super makes sense, yay science.

[arthurmargon]

i know we’re shifting into springtime but climate anxiety has me genuinely unsettled and nervous abt the temperature not being freezing anymore 😭 like i let out a big sigh of relief when i saw the forecast predicting snow this weekend as if i was seeing a negative pregnancy test. this is all almost exclusively ronald reagan’s fault i will not expand upon that

[ice-sculptures]

hey everyone!! so, originally, i wanted to do one of these back when all of y'all were posting your 'follow forever' + favorite blogs lists for new year's eve, but at that point in time i didn't feel like i knew anyone well enough to make a full list. but now, it's been almost nine months (holy shit!!!) since i joined this fandom, and there have been so many people that i've connected with and who have made my experience on here so much fun and so special.

plus...it's my birthday today, so i thought - what better way to celebrate it than to show my immense love & appreciation for all my mutuals, followers friends, and anyone who has ever made my tumblr experience better?

this isn't really in any particular order, and also, i am so so sorry if i forgot anyone. i had to type this out at least six times over the past two months because tumblr kept deleting my progress for some reason, so i'm really sorry if i missed anyone because of it. i recognize the urls of anyone that regularly interacts with my posts, so i promise that if you've ever left nice tags in the reblogs of my gifs or replied to any of my WIPS or tagged me in a gifset or in a tag game or sent me a nice ask or anything at all, really, please know that i think you're wonderful and i love you all so much even if tumblr hates me and decided to erase all of the evidence of it 😅

okay, enough dillydallying!! putting this under a cut so that it doesn't swallow ur dash whole....n here we go :)

@fireplceashes hi jen!! i know i said like. just one paragraph above that this was in no particular order, but i immediately broke the no. 1 rule of law and lied, bc as my very first friend in this fandom you are so undoubtedly so special to me and i'm putting you first just because i Can and no one can stop me. but anyway. where do i even begin with you? you are easily one of the sweetest people i have Ever, ever met - not just on tumblr, but in my real life as well - and i really love talking to you So much. thank you so much for always listening to my rants, and checking up on me, and just generally being there for me. you're just a really soothing person to talk to and i never have to worry about being 'too much' or anything like that when i'm talking to you. and of course - you are also so, so talented, and your gifs are absolutely stunning. they always turn out so beautifully, and i'm so in awe of your editing skills. basically...i'm just Very grateful to have met you, and *mike wheeler voice* all of my other mutuals, they're great, but my fandom experience would not be the same without you ❤️

@basiltonpitch spencer!! i feel the need to echo the first thing i said to you and remind you that i think you're a genius :') fun fact that i haven't told you: when i first found your blog, even before i realized that you were That person who wrote the benvi meta that i loved, the first posts that i saw from you were your beautiful web weavings, and i was immediately like Who is this person??? and Who gave them the permission to stomp all over my heart like this?? wtf?? i just. i love ur brain So so much and i'm so grateful that i get to enjoy your creativity in not one but two of my favorite fandoms (soon to be 3 with 911 maybe?) oh also...this is slightly embarrassing but i've gone back through your blog a few times just so i can read your incredible meta because all of your thoughts are so valuable to me. you are the Only person on this site that i trust to Get devi vishwakumar and one of the biggest reasons why i'm so excited for never have i ever s4 to drop is so that i can experience it alongside you!! and even outside of your creative genius, you are one of my favorite people to talk to bc you're so kind and so supportive and such an absolute sweetheart and i really love hearing everything you have to say. so. um. basically. i am just a Spencer Enthusiast through and through 💖

@padmedala carson!! hello!! first off, i've said this to you a million times, but i want to thank you once again for writing one of my favorite pieces of byler fanfiction. do you know that one post about reading fanfics and having to stop because 'he would not say that?' well, your work is the epitome of reading a fic and feeling wholly satisfied because yes, he would say that - in fact, i would not hesitate for a minute to say that you have the strongest grasp on will and mike's characterization - especially their dynamic together - out of any writer i've met in this entire fandom. like...i enjoy your writing so much that i've read a couple of your pieces for IT despite not having any knowledge of the source material simply because i wanted to experience more of your work. you're also such a deeply kind and supportive person, and you have no idea how much i appreciate every single time you've checked up on me or sent me a sweet message or even just dropped into my inbox to say hello. you make my dash infinitely brighter, and i'm so very glad to know you and have you as a friend on here 💞

@wllbyers dani!! hi!! i have so much to say abt how wonderful you are, and i was struggling w how to articulate this for a while, but then i remembered that you once said to me that you found my presence on the dash comforting, and honestly, that's exactly how i feel about you. forgive me for the awkward metaphor, but seeing you on the dash is like coming home after a long day and having a warm, home-cooked meal. seeing your url and icon always makes me smile, and i'm so grateful that we're mutuals because of how kind, considerate, and utterly genuine you are!! i don't know if i'm describing this right, but you just feel so real, you know? i feel like your personality shines through with every post you make, and i always love seeing it. and i'm sorry if this is weird to say, but your openness and your authenticity about everything going on in your life makes me feel a little bit less alone about my own struggles. also do you remember when you started watching 911 and eventually ended up getting ahead of me, and you tagged each and every one of your posts just so that i wouldn't get spoiled? i know it seems simple, but the sheer fact that you thought of doing that just for me had me melting into a little puddle w my face looking like that one meme of kristen bell. you are just so, so lovely and i'm unbelievably glad we're mutuals 🥰

@willblogger ima i've said this many times before but i absolutely Need to say it again: you are genuinely the funniest person on byler tumblr. i cannot count the number of times that you've made me full-on belly laugh (to the point where my stomach starts to hurt) and completely destroyed my attempts to casually and inconspicuously scroll through tumblr in public places. i dunno how you do it at all but every single thing you say is such an absolute delight and i am always giggling n kicking my feet when i read the tags on all of your posts. the thousands of people on tiktok and twitter copying your jokes could never do it like you. you've also got this deep understanding of the way the text has been written and i really appreciate how your analysis honors the characters as they are instead of trying to make them more palatable them for this fandom. it's just. it's rare to find people that love these characters as they are and understand them as well as you do and i feel very lucky to have found your blog. also this is not related at all but ur plushies are cute as fuck & i love them :) OH!! n thank u sm for being my number one stevebucky enthusiast mutual n partner in rage when it comes to avengers endgame!! can't wait to have a hate party w you (if you'd like) in five days 💗

@willelfanpage SARA HI HELLO do u see me waving at you. this is me holding up a banner screaming abt how much i love you. as the resident fandom cheerleader who gives and gives and gives so much love to everyone she interacts with, you deserve someone cheering YOU back on and that is what i am here to do!! you are so brilliant and you have never made an incorrect post in your life!!! all your fics are wonderful and i've loved reading them!! you are kind, you are smart, you are funny, and you make everyone around you feel so safe and comfortable and welcome here. like. i can't tell you how much i admire how open you are with your kindness and friendship and how you give it so freely to everyone you interact with. i love talking to you so much - whether it's hearing about your life or sharing our ideas with one another or just. venting about anything i want to - and your enthusiasm is utterly infectious and makes me feel more hyped and excited to be in fandom. forgive me for being so sappy on main but i will never not be touched by your endless love for fandom, not only these characters and the works that people make, but for the people around you as well and i hope u know i love u very much too 💞

@jackietaylcrs hii marianne fellow haver of good taste!! i remember you once made a post wondering if your followers would still love you if your stranger posting went down to 0.5% and i wanted to lyk that i definitely would!! i really like reading your commentary on ST and yellowjackets, but even when you're posting about a show that i'm not familiar with, you have this Way of speaking that i find very charming and funny and entertaining, and you bring this inimitable energy to my dash that i doubt i could ever find elsewhere. i like the way you sign off your posts with 'and like i say: brf slt.' i think it’s Neat n it fits you very well. alsooo THANK YOU very very much for being the one to convince me to watch yellowjackets!! people have been telling me to watch it for a long time but in the end it was your posts that made me say, fuck it, and finally watch it. also. um. ur posts abt stephen harrison make me feel very Seen so. thank u. ok bye 💗

@emblazons hello marie my beloved mutual marie!! honestly, out of everything in this post, this message was the hardest to write because i don't even know where to begin with you!! you bring so, so much to this fandom - your thoughtful, entertaining, levelheaded commentary, your stunning gifsets, your logical and witty posts, your incredibly supportive and kind personality, and your endless passion for this show and all that goes into making it, as well as our shared love & enthusiasm for noah schnapp 😅 every time i think you've made the most brilliant observation or put out the most beautiful set, you go and top yourself by finding something new or making an even prettier gifset. if i had to pick one person whose contributions to the fandom enriched my experience of this show? more than anyone, it would be you!! and i could go on and wax poetic about your talent forever (as i have on many, many occasions bc you deserve it 🥰), but i'm gonna end it here by saying that you are a gift to this fandom and one of my absolute favorite people on here, and that i'm beyond grateful to know you.

@mikeandwillel sandy!!!! you are so so smart and your analysis is absolutely incredible. i look forward to each and every one of your analyses because you always find the most clever parallels and your deep dives into each of these characters' arcs are always written with so much care and skill. and of course, i forever have you to thank for writing The ultimate masterpiece (your s4 painting arc analysis) that finally convinced me of byler endgame and thus made my fandom experience so much more relaxing and fun. i also really love & how much you love mike for all that he is -- i feel like it's a little rare in this fandom, so seeing how much you adore his true character and how you Understand him better than anyone else i've ever met makes me really happy. and not to mention, i have no idea how you managed to get so good at gifmaking in such a short amount of time but all your sets are so beautiful!! you're a gem fr 💖

@babygirl-jonathanbyers abbyyyyyy hello!! do you know how much i love seeing you on my dash? i love your pure, unapologetic love for jonathan, jancy, and the byers brothers and it really makes my whole day when i see a post from you appreciating those characters/ships. your moodboards are also So pretty and your presence on my dash is so positive and welcoming. i hope you're doing well on your hiatus rn and i can't wait to see you back on here again 🫂

@elmaxed lumiiiii hi!!!! when i think of you, honestly, the very first word that comes to mind is creative, because you bring so much to this fandom and i'm so grateful for it. i'm obsessed with everything you write because your fics are so lively and fun and make me smile uncontrollably every time i read them, all your headcanons are brilliant and adorable, your moodboards are gorgeous and not to mention, your themes are always so beautiful!! you're just...such a ray of sunshine on my dash and i'm so happy to have followed you 🥰

@mlchaelwheeler sarahhhhh my favorite stonathan pioneer and one of my first mutuals in this fandom!! i think you already know this but your analyses were a huge part of what got me into the byler fandom in the first place and i have never looked back, so thank you for that!! i Love love love ur theories (especially the s5 spec stuff) and i love seeing u in my notifs and reading your lovely and enthusiastic tags on everything you reblog and i love your love for st's OST!! you're a really smart, sweet, and positive person with the best opinions and i am forever rooting for mike to get a sword in s5 just for you 🙏🏼

@bylrndgm dearest elz you have no idea how happy your blog makes me 🥹 you're one of the most talented gifmakers i've ever met, and i always find myself smiling so much whenever i see you've posted something new (especially your byler x TS edits 🥰) because they're always so beautiful!! i've also always felt like your blog and everything you've posted is one of the purest and most expressions of love for mike and will....it's so clear that you love them So much and your blog makes me so happy to be part of this community. you've also always been so sweet to me throughout my entire time in this fandom and you're one of the people that has made me feel most welcome here. also since i never ended up responding to your DM i wanted to say that whatever path you choose, i'm sure that you're going to crush it and i am rooting for your success always 💖

@madcleradin sierra madcleradin byhops finalgirlbyers willcoded!! ok i promise i don't mean this in a weird parasocial way but i kind of admired you from a distance for a while even before we were mutuals just because every single one of your posts that ended up on my dash had me nodding my head and tapping my brain in agreement and clapping for u like this 👏🏼 all of your takes are top tier and i love how passionate you are about everything you talk about!! you're def one of the sweetest, friendliest, and coolest people on byler tumblr and following u has been such a gift ❣

@byclairs hello emily!! your gifs are absolutely stunning and i love following you because i Know i can always count on you to have the most based takes, both on stranger things (especially ur will takes - those keep me sane fr) and on fandom as a whole. also just wanna say that you have the best taste in ships and that you've got a 10/10 banger of a url that always has me mentally giving you a thumbs up whenever i see you on the dash ❤️

@heroesbyler stav!! you're one of the most brilliant analysts on this site and i'm so in awe of all of the incredible theories and analyses you've posted!! i'm obsessed w all of your banger gay mike posts & i'm also both fascinated and disturbed by all of the dots you've connected regarding brenner, henry, & the lab. your posts are so insightful and compelling and you've made me think about so many things that i never would've noticed on first glance. i also love that you're both unflinchingly confident but also insanely kind - a rarity in most fandoms, especially this one, and i love that energy on my dash. i'm very proud to be your grandma (your words not mine -- no i will not let you forget about that 🙏🏼)

@mandycantdecide hiiiii amanda!! i love your blog so much, and even though we don't share all of the same fandoms i love seeing your posts about everything you're interested in because i can always feel your energy and enthusiasm for it no matter what :) in fact, it was actually your posts that made me want to get back into 911, and you have no idea how grateful i am to you for that because being in that fandom is the most fun i've had in a really long time. so thank you, thank you thank you for that, and for generally being so sweet 💕

@howtobecomeadragon ayla!! hello!! i know we don't know each other super well but i Really wanted to let you know how much i appreciate your posts and all of your contributions to this fandom. you were one of my first favorite blogs when i first joined in august and you have no idea how thrilled i was when you followed me back haha 😅 i looooove your theory posts so much and i think your fics are fantastic (and i am Eagerly awaiting the end of come back to me and forgive everything so i can read it). you're also super sweet and kind to everyone around you, and i love seeing you on my dash 💞

@mrperfectlyfinetv hi jake!! as my designated Swiftie Mutual i feel like i should let you know that i don't usually follow taylor swift blogs bc swifties are scary but your gifs are so gorgeous and your takes are so good that i just Had to break my rule and follow you anyway. i really enjoy reading all of your opinions on miss swift even if you are a rep hater asdkjendfcskjflejrf and i adore all of your pretty ST and taylor swift gifsets!! i also love how much you love speak now and you've definitely made me go back and give it a few more listens so that i can appreciate it more & at this point i'm begging taylor to release speak now tv soon just for you 🫶

@magentamee - hi bre :) your art style is absolutely delicious and your writing is so cute and i've always noticed how committed you are to uplifting everyone around you in this fandom. also this is random but your friendship with amanda and @/likegoldintheair is so cute and whenever you guys post about each other i always find myself smiling at how sweet your interactions are. you’re just a person who always brings a smile to my face when i see you on the dash and i want to thank you for that 💗

@paintingformike hi!! i've said this before but i really do think you've always been The strongest soldier in the byler fandom (like, ngl your posts were Carrying byler tumblr for a while there while everyone was still in their debating-over-s5-canon phase). you've always been so levelheaded and astute with your observations, and i've always admired and respected how your posts make it seem so simple and So clear how all of the overarching themes of the show are leading to byler endgame. you've got an incredible way with words and i'm so glad to have you in our fandom 💞

-

and now for the creatives in this fandom - some incredible gifmakers whose beautiful sets have been the highlight of my dash, some wonderful writers who have ripped my heart out over and over again only to stitch it back together seamlessly just one paragraph later, and brilliant fan artists who are able to capture so much and make me feel the entire spectrum of human emotion with just a few brush strokes:

@sharpesjoy - em!! you're an absolute sweetheart and such a joy to see on my dash. all of your gifs are so gorgeous and so clearly infused with all of the love that you have for everything you watch and i've added several shows to my watchlist because your gifs have made me want to watch them so badly 💞

@heroeddiemunson - kai!! your creations are so beautiful and you have this unique gifmaking style that i'm totally obsessed with!! your colorings and typography are always so pretty and i Love how special and creative your sets are, especially the D&D character sheets. like.....i have no idea how u come up w all these incredible ideas but i'm so very glad u do bc my dash is better for it❣️

@kaliprasad - hi!! your blog is amazing and i'm so glad that i found it bc all your gifs are fantastic and i love them So much. i think your talent is insane tbh, that byers brothers set that you made for me a little while ago is still one of my favorite things i've seen on this whole site, and i love that you love them just as much as i do 🫂

@kingofscoops - no one, and i mean no one, does coloring like you!! all of your sets are so vibrant and bring so much life to my dash & i think the ST fandom is very lucky to have you ❤️

@aliecenthightower - emilia!! your gifs are stunning and i'm completely in love with your song lyric edits. they're all absolutely beautiful and i'm in awe of how perfect and emblematic the lyrics you choose are, like you just Get these characters, y'know?

@mayahawkins - MADDYYYYYYY you are So talented, and believe me when i say that your gifs have been the Biggest inspiration for my own gifmaking journey. all your sets are so pretty & i love everything you make - including your playlists which live rent free in my mind!! but as a reminder i also love following your blog for You and not just your gifs :) you're an incredibly sweet person and ur presence on my dash is utterly invaluable 💗

@padme-amidala - hi erika!! okay, calling you a gifmaker almost feels wrong because that word doesn't feel like enough to encompass how beautiful your work is...all ur ideas are So amazing and you have such a natural eye for color and detail!! it is so clear that you pour so much love into all of your creations, and if i'm being honest, one of the reasons why i am so grateful to be a byler shipper is so that i can appreciate your craft to the fullest. and you're also Such a genuinely kind person that i always look forward to seeing on the dash!! thank you for being so lovely!!

@wiseatom - hi thea!! your writing is the ultimate definition of comfort. when i read ur work, no matter what i'm doing physically, mentally i am in my cozy bed with the fireplace crackling in the corner, surrounded by twinkly lights and warm blankets, sipping hot cocoa bc that is the kind of emotion ur writing invokes ✨

@byeler - irene!! your fics were my introduction to the world of byler fics and i admire you and your writing so very much 💞 i don't know how it's possible for one person to have this much skill and talent, but you do, and i'm so grateful that you've chosen to share it with us. eagerly waiting on a new heavy hopes chapter was one of the highlights of my fandom experience and that fic is a piece of writing that i will always come back to over and over again 🫶

@astrobei - suni i have been reading fics for over a decade now and i have still never encountered a writer that does emotion quite like you do, devastating me with every single fic you put out. i promise i mean this in the best way possible but you're So damn good at capturing all of that heartbreak and pain and inflicting the same agony on your readers, and it would have killed me by now if not for the fact that you're equally good at writing the sweetest fluff that has me melting into a puddle whenever i read 🫂

@hopelessromanfic - lyssaaaa!!! i've been Such a huge fan of landslide ever since you started writing it - it's one of my all time favorite fics in the fandom and i'm obsessed with the storyline and your characterization in all of your fics 😍

@artistaquinterob - hi!! your art style is so ADORABLE and your use of color in your work is stunning and i just adore everything you draw, especially your will and el art and your jargyle art 🥹

@junkoandthediamonds - your character studies are beautiful and i'm obsessed with your byler comics, your gifs and your ST x DC crossovers!!! i love your realistic style so So much and if i worked for the duffers i would 1000000% hire you to draw the official comics because i can't get enough of your work 🥰

@livsmessydoodles - fun fact: last year, when HSMTMTS s3 was airing, i remember seeing your rina art throughout the season and immediately fell in love with your style and your interpretation of the characters, and the same exact thing happened when i saw your ST work, and it wasn't until you followed me that i put the pieces together and realized that you were the same person 😅 your style is So gorgeous and your art just makes me so happy, and trust me when i say that i am mentally wallpapering all of your work to the inside of my brain so i can look at it forever❣️

and of course, a very special shoutout to all of the people that i don't know too well but are still such a comfort to have on tumblr: @miwism @yearninginblue @kittykat940 @robinsnance @jesper-faheyss @bylersheart @usergabby @achingly-shy @wheelersboy @wontbyers @stbyers @will80sbyers @watpoetry @frodohaven 💝

+ to all my other mutuals: tumblr wouldn't let me link your profiles because of some ridiculous limit, but please know that i see all of you and i am hugging you through my screen rn. thank you!! 👍🏼

[hamletthedane]

2023 year in review:

[heartual]

reading easier level books with the open dyslexic font is actually making reading fun again 2 me

[deviljhomaycry]

A collection over the last 6-ish months working on this quilt! I spent a lot of time on it, and even though it wasnt always how I wanted it to go, i'm still overjoyed with how it turned out in the end. Hit image limit so more in reblog!

[ghostsessioned]

If I may ask, how is sage so burm scarred

i had a feeling this question would get asked. buckle up and hunker down, TW for : implied attempted scide, self - immolation.

a very long story short : olivia, violet and charlie All got into a pretty bad fight the night it happened. olivia left more upset than these two had ever seen her, and snuck out into berenson creek after curfew. she hopped the railing along jacob's house, not realizing he was home, and found a spot she thought was doable. after setting things up, she managed to single - handedly recreat "the perfect day", and went up in flames Without a lightning strike, thinking this was it. jacob was alerted to what was happening by athena, who led him outside and into the summit. he extinguished olivia when he got to her, assuming it was simply just a freak accident, and called 911, thinking it would help. it didn't.

deemed unsafe and unstable, olivia was taken to a psychiatric hospital for about three weeks, and violet and charlie Both thought she was dead because no one could tell her where she went. three weeks later, olivia gets released, hikes it to her aunt and uncle's home when they're not around, grabs what she can, and hikes Back out to berenson creek for different reasons, giving jacob gray hairs all the while.

[cielsosinfel]

reading log #1100111 1100001 1111001

I was keeping reading logs of books and comics I'd completed here, and then on Dreamwidth... but I think I'm gonna end up doing them here first again before archiving on Dreamwidth lol. I have had a very bad time following up on things like this the last few months but I HAVE been finishing books (or giving up on them in frustration.) So, here's some recent ones and some meandering thoughts (if I had typed these up closer to finishing the book I would have much more to say, but alas, memory is a sieve)

CW for mentions of CSA/incest in the "Angels Before Man" section.

A Man of Lies by Ben Crane: This came up in the library database when I searched for Queer Fiction, and it was described as a heist novel with a gay lead. It's the author's first novel, too- he was a film screenwriter (none of his movies seem to have been very successful, though.) It sure is a heist novel! The MC, Barret, is an enforcer for the biggest mob boss in the Midwestern states, and falls in love with the boss' top accountant, Mickey. They want more out of life than the criminal underworld, and hatch a plot to steal shitloads of cash from their boss and flee together. But the plot is of course found out, and Mickey is killed right in front of Barret, and now Barret is forced to pay off the debt or be killed himself. But he has a better idea- one more risky scheme to to make millions and live the life Mickey wanted for them.

I actually enjoyed this one a lot!! It's very fast-paced. There are way too many POVs- it switches characters every chapter, and the narrator PoV shifts from first-person when it's Barret to close-third-person for everyone else, so it felt hectic at times. I think you can definitely tell this was written by someone used to writing film scripts- so many scenes are written in such a way that feel like they'd perfectly translate to a film scene (I got the feeling the author might be wanting to turn this into a film at some point?) There's also some flashback fuckery near the end I found kind of obnoxious but oh well, it didn't detract from the book.

It's a super ridiculous book at it's core and definitely leans hard into the tropes of its genre. Some things made me roll my eyes, especially with Barret's narration (I'm a liar! You'll never know when I'm telling the truth!) but there were some sexy moments with his suffering. I REALLY liked Cass (long-time petty criminal with a bitterness toward the world, looking for her big break), Johnny Boy (Cass' pacifist friend who just wants to do right by everyone and keep his friends safe, but can never meet Cass' expectations and is always the target of her anger), and Pickens (long-suffering genius lockpicker who just wants to get paid without getting dragged into other peoples' bullshit. He is, dare I say it, my poor little meow meow.)

It ends in a ridiculous but good plot-twist that actually makes me want to read the sequel when it comes out (this is rare. I have very low patience for multi-book series anymore lmao.) So yeah. Quick, easy, fun read, excited for more.

Idol, Burning by Rin Usami (tl. Asa Yoneda): This is a book about a high school girl's life in idol fandom, but so much more than that. I wasn't sure what I was expecting going into this- I only heard about it because I saw someone talk about an essay they wrote on this, about how it shows how idol fandom could be considered feminist- but it really was not what I expected just going off that!!

This is about a girl who is being failed by many people around her. This is a girl who has undiagnosed dyslexia and learning disabilities; a girl who is very depressed, suicidal and self-harming; a girl with a worsening eating disorder; a girl with a total disconnect from the people around her. She falls into idol fandom for a particular idol, a boy who she has been obsessed with since she was a young child watching him as a 12 year old, performing as Peter Pan, and it becomes her solace, her refuge, and a crutch. She doesn't understand herself or her life, so she obsesses over trying to understand every ;ittle detail about her oshi, from the smallest facial movements to the tone of his social media text posts.

When her idol is suddenly in a media storm for hitting a woman- a woman he may have been secretly dating- it's like a spiderweb of cracks in a dam are suddenly broken through and she's struggling to tread water.

I feel like what this book really captures is how being deeply involved in fandom, and being super passionate for a hobby, and online communities of likeminded fans, can both help and hurt. The more depressed Akari gets because of her family life, of failing in school, of being treated as an idiot because of ableist barriers she doesn't even realize are blocking her path forward, the more she fixates on her idol- constantly watching and rewatching shows and interviews to try to see beyond her oshi's public persona, updating her blog with in-depth reviews of albums or summaries of interviews, buying up all of the merchandise she can for what amounts to an all-consuming shrine in her room filled with trash and uneaten food.

Her oshi becomes the only reason she gets up and leaves the house, the only reason she gets dressed (always in blue, her oshi's official color), the only reason she continues to work (she needs the money to support her oshi), the only reason she interacts socially outside her family (with fandom, with other obsessed fans who understand why she's so emotionally reliant on a celebrity that she'll nvver truly meet). But this hyperfixation is undeniably a large part of why her life is stalling and backsliding, even if it's not the /root/ cause, but a symptom presenting an out-sized impact.

Anyway, it like, resonated with me as someone who was also once a young girl with undiagnosed dyslexia/learning disabilities, with all-devouring depression, with suicidal urges, with eating disorders no one recognized. And no support structure but my hyperfixations on fictional characters and the friendships I had with other fans via internet communities. It's just such a painful, painful book to read because even though the cultural context and fandom context is so completely different (I was born and raised in the US, I have no idea what girls in Japan go through), it resonated SO MUCH.

The ending is also something I like a lot- it's not a Happy Ending(TM) at all, but I found it much more impactful in its realism. Akari is not "better," she is still in such a bad place, but she's taking these small steps to break the self-destructive cycle she's ended up with. And that's what's important- is the small steps, and the acknowledgment that there are steps to be taken at all.

Also, the ending of the English edition has a letter written by the author addressing her younger brother, who has dyslexia, and discussing the failures of the Japanese education system regarding disabled students. She says in the letter herself, that her brother will never read it because it's in English, and she'll likely never say any of what she wrote to him, but the letter was still so, so, so affecting... Just, this acknowledgment of both her brother's struggles, and how she added to those struggles when they were younger and she understood less. Much like how Akari's older sister in the novel can't understand why Akari struggles so much, and takes out her own frustration on Akari- her frustration at bearing so much responsibility in a family with a single, over-worked mother, and no matter how much she tries to steer her sister in the right direction and help her (taking on the role of a mother for her), nothing seems to help. It's not something children can help! It's the adults refusing to see that the system they set in place is not helping these children!!

But the letter also says that though the Japanese education system almost failed the author's brother, he was able to go to a school specifically for children with learning disabilities, and he excelled and now leads a happy, successful life. Akari doesn't get that in the book; Akari's story is the other side of the coin. But where the ending of Akari's story is not quite happy, it's like a soothing balm to read that the author's real, living, breathing brother got his own happy ending.

Angels Before Man by rafael nicolás (Did Not Finish lol):

OK. OK I SUPER HATE THIS BOOK SO MUCH JESUS CHRISTTTTTTTT OK. Ok. So this is a "queer retelling of the fall of Lucifer." Right? And I, being an ex-catholic trans faggot, am totally into reclaiming Lucifer in the name of being a filthy dirty gay heathen? Right??

But this book is sooooooooooooooo

I'm gonna make a bullet point list

It's extremely unimaginative when it comes to what Heaven and angels are like, for one.We have some mentions of chariots and ophanim who are these otherworldly beings, but 99% of the cast are just regular Joe Schmo cis dudes with wings. They live in a very run of the mill pseudo-Roman town with regular buildings and colisseums and bathhouses and stores. It's very uninspired imo. They pass their time talking, lounging, bathing, trading fruits and eating, and competing in the colisseum, and just... not very Angelic??

The first 150 pages is some of the most repetitive writing I have read in years. I kid you not, the book starts with Lucifer's creation and then for the next 150 pages it is just variations of: Lucifer is lost and confused; Lucifer cries; everyone compliments Lucifer's beauty; Lucifer cries over being beautiful; they eat some fruit and walk to see people; they go on flying lessons; repeat. repeat. repeat. EVERYTHING IS DESCRIBED WHEN ITS NOTE VEN NECESSARY FOR ANYTHING BUT PADDINGGGGG

Also Lucifer's shame over being beautiful: WHY is he ashamed? Every single time he gets attention because of his beauty and being God's favorite, every time someone compliments his beauty, we get a paragraph about how ashamed he is of his beauty and his body, but never WHY. There are no details about what is causing him this shame. And if God made him to be beautiful, to embody beauty, why would he have any shame over it? Why is he ashamed of the being he was made to be, the attribute he was hand-crafted to embody? We're not given anything deeper than "Lucifer is so ashamed and he cries and cries and cries." Stop crying over being pretty god damn!!

Basically none of the characters have any voice or personality except for like, Uriel and God. Lucifer's personality is crying and being confused and having a crush on Michael. I'm not even kidding. Maybe some hyperbole but everything in this book is so FLAT and LIFELESS.

Also Lucifer is created not knowing a single thing about existence- he doesn't know what roads are, or what water is, or what air is, or what creation is- but this is also close-third person POV and his internal narration is constantly making reference to things you'd assume he'd be unaware of. Sometimes there will be some metaphor or comparison to an object, that a few pages/chapters later Lucifer will be introduced to for the first time. It just really takes you out of the story, you know?

OK the big thing though

the thing that pissed me off the most?

The entire thing that brings about the fall of Lucifer is being raped by God.

lmao

lmao!!!!

OK see I could see this kind of narrative being potentially compelling and meaningful in the hands of a good, experienced writer but that's not this writer. No. It just is such utter fucking garbage that, to me, personally, was outright offensive as a survive of CSA/incest. This is horrible writing, and horrible handling of the subject matter. It's just, so poorly thought out in so many ways.

Literally the mainstream opinion in Catholicism already is that child sexual abuse survivors are sinned, stained, ruined by the abuse and violence they have suffered. This does not add a single new thing. ugh. ighhhhh!!!

On top of that the writing of the CSA itself and Lucifer's emotional interiority in the aftermath were really fucking shallow for a book that has this as the traumatic pivot of the narrative and Lucifer's character arc into becoming a fallen, corrupted being. It's literally "he's this poor shaking crybaby everyone loves->God violently abuses him->he has violently gone off the deep down and lost his mind in some of the most cliche writing I've seen yet"

And to top it off the writing is full of spelling errors, grammar errors, punctuation errors especially-- I do not say this lightly because I am someone who writes fanfic and holds it near and dear to my heart, but this reads more like someone took a fanfic directly off Wattpad or AO3 and slapped it into a book with no editing. It is so. Bad. good lord!

If this was just porn I would not care nearly as much, like whatever gets your noncon kink rocks off, but this isn't porn, this is trying to be a deep insightful exploration on sexual trauma and incest and I can't deal with how bad it was.

[indigodawns]

.

[unboundbnha]

I’ve started *gags, chokes* writing….again….*spits out blood, gasps and gurgles as I fall to the ground*

[megamindsecretlair]

I Need Your Lips On Mine

Pairing: Dom!Terry Richmond x Sub!Black!Fem!/ Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, You are in charge of your own reading experience. Intentional use of AAVE. SMUT. Cursing, teasing (fem receiving), PIV, oral (male receiving), Use of pet names, (Big Daddy and baby), use of sex toy, bratty and yandere reader. All consensual. Sorry if I missed some.

Summary: While Terry’s away on a special teaching assignment, you decide to be a little gremlin and not listen to him. You wear your sexiest dress out with your girlfriends to a rooftop bar. But Terry comes home early to ring in the New Year’s with you in a very special way.

Word Count: 7,111k

AO3 Link

A/N: WHEW. Ya'll don't ask about this man no more!! I cannot control myself around this man, I just can't. I'm not strong enough! Request from @prettyisasprettydoes1306. Happy 2025, my loves. Thank you so much for all your continued support! Toss a coin to your blogger by leaving a comment, gif, or unhinged ask.

Big Daddy 🤪 Calling…

Your music dimmed as Terry’s incoming call flashed across your screen. You put the finishing touches on your makeup and hurried to swipe to answer. 

“Hey Big Daddy,” you sing. 

“Hey baby,” Terry said with a sigh. 

“What’s wrong?” You asked, immediately picking up on his tone. 

“Miss you,” he said. 

You couldn’t help pinching your lips together, trying so hard not to cheese out. You looked at yourself in the mirror, at the goofy lovesick smile on your face. You drove your friends wild, but you were down bad for your man. 

Just for the silly, little things he did. And moments when he seemed able to read your mind. “Miss you. When you coming home? It’s New Year’s,” you pouted. 

“I know. I’m still trying. Don’t give up on me,” he said.

“Never,” you said with a giggle. “I know you’re busy.”

“You almost done getting ready for the party with your girls?” He asked. 

You spread a bold pink gloss across your lips and then used your finger to clean up the excess or areas you went too heavy on. You leaned away from the vanity, turning one way and then the other. 

Your long fitted cami dress looked painted on your body. It had a swirl of pink, purple, red, and brown like an abstract painting that stopped just above your ankles. But the top barely covered your girls. Just how you liked it.

You had paired it with a necklace Terry bought you for your birthday, the pendant dipping between your boobs to draw eyes there. The spaghetti straps fit snug on your shoulders but not tight. It was a dress almost literally made for you. 

“All done. Wanna see?” You said, lowering your voice. 

Terry shuffled on the other side of the phone. He sniffed as he moved before he settled down. “Show me,” he said.

You swiped to put him on video. His face took up the screen before he pulled back with a smirk. God, that man was fucking beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. He was your favorite painting, your sweetest song, and your most comforting book. He oozed comfort and made you want to sink into his big arms whenever he was around.

You turned from side to side so that he could see the dress in its entirety and how it fit on you. “You like?” 

Terry tilted his head. “Isn’t that the dress I got you for your birthday one year?” He asked.

“Yes! Looks good, huh?” You asked. You posed as you turned, modeling for him. When he didn’t say anything, you stopped and stepped closer to the phone. 

“Baby,” he said. Uh oh. When he hit you with that tone, he was about to be a big ole meanie. 

“Yes, Big Daddy?” You asked. 

“You know I don’t like you wearing that dress unless I’m around,” he said. His eyes dipped further and further lower and you followed his eyesight. 

With the phone on the vanity and you leaning over, he had a perfect view down your dress. Your pendant swung freely and you giggled, pressing it back against your heated skin. 

“You so nasty,” you said and giggled. “And I know. But we’re going out and I wanted to feel sexy. I like wearing things you give me.”

“That makes me happy to hear, baby. But you look too good in that dress. And I’m not there to make sure no one messes with you,” he said.

You sucked your teeth. “I’d never leave the house if that was the case, Terry,” you said. You closed your eyes and sighed. 

“What you call me?” Terry asked. 

You peeked just as you saw Terry stand up. You didn’t know what top secret villain lair he was currently in, having been called away to teach a special MCMAP class at a different base, but he was good and agitated now. 

He ducked his head as he walked off somewhere, nothing but empty night sky behind him. You wished you were with him, on a blanket somewhere, looking up at the sky while he ate you out. 

Terry’s soft grunts pulled you from your nasty thoughts as he finally stopped. Low, fluorescent light fell across his face. His eyebrows were arched and his eyes were narrowed. 

“You wanna run that again?” He asked, his accent getting thicker with his tone. 

“I love you, Big Daddy,” you said sweetly, grinning from ear to ear. “You’re the kindest, most wonderful, most amazing Big Daddy a girl could ask for.”

Terry shook his head. “Try again.”

You pouted and prepared yourself to apologize. But then the gremlin on your shoulder made an appearance. You absolutely, positively did not need to mess with your boyfriend. You absolutely did not want to make him mad. But ugh, you missed him.

This was one of the longest times he’d been away and you did not sign up for a long distance relationship. He wasn’t here at the moment….and being on the phone made you a little bolder. 

You smiled. “What ya gonna do if I don’t?” You asked, tone as sweet as tea on a hot day.

Terry’s expression changed fraction by fraction. His frown disappeared as a self-pleased smirk took over. “Think very carefully about your next words,” he said quietly. 

That probably should’ve been your first clue to stop playing with that man. But when your inner gremlin took over, there was just no stopping her. Consequences be damned. He must secretly like when you got this way, because he delivered on the goods tenfold whenever he finally got his hands on you. Your pussy throbbed thinking of the last time.

At the moment, he wasn’t set to come back until later in the week. By then, your gremlin would have gone on vacation and you would be back to your sweet self. But when you were in a party mood? And Big Daddy wasn’t around? You tended to show your entire ass. 

You stared at Terry’s gorgeous face, at the tempest in his eyes promising you won’t sit right for a week. His right eyebrow curved upward in a challenge. Make that two weeks. You grinned. Terry’s head tilted forward slightly. 

You should’ve listened, you know you should have, but instead you shrugged your shoulders. “Seeing how you’re way over there and I’m finna go out, there’s not a damn thing you can do right now,” you said. You blew him a kiss. 

Terry’s smirk was vicious. He looked away from the camera and nodded slowly like he was confirming something in his mind. That probably should’ve been your second clue to stop egging him on. But that damn gremlin…

The doorbell rang and Terry turned his head back to the camera. “That’s probably Miranda and Tenni,” you said and smirked at Terry. “If you’re good, maybe we can video chat later and I’ll show you a little something.”

“A little something?” He asked. But that smirk was still on his face. He was playing with you and you weren’t sure how. Partying was too heavy on your brain at the moment to suss out his expressions so you blew him a kiss and promised to take lots and lots of pictures.

“Have a good night, baby,” he said, his voice saccharine and sugary.

You narrowed your eyes at him but he only grinned and hung up. Putting his gorgeous smile and whatever punishment he was planning from your mind, you grabbed your heels and headed to the front door of your apartment. 

The doorbell rang again just as you opened the door to find Miranda and Tenni on the other side. They grinned and wolf-whistled at you and your outfit. You were lucky enough to find the perfect friend group in high school. One summer class before freshman year and you three were inseparable. 

Tenni cocked her hip and jerked her thumb. “Is you ready or naw?” She asked. She wore a striped mini dress that stopped mid thigh. With a colorful mix of blues and purples, the dress made her body look amazing. She wore low heels and had her locs in a cute bun on top of her head. 

Miranda wore an olive green short dress that ruffled at the bottom but had a cut out underneath the cups, showing off her tiny ankh tattoo there. Her big hoop earrings swung as she turned her head to Tenni.

“Ten bucks says she was talking to Terry,” Miranda said.

“That ain’t no damn bet. Of course she was,” Tenni said.

“Just because you hatin’ hos ain’t got a man, don’t mean you need to dim my light,” you said and grinned, hugging them. 

You quickly put on your heels adding to your height. Though no matter how high the shoe, you weren’t close to Terry’s full 6’3 stature. Which suited you just fine. You liked hopping on that man like a spider monkey.

“Whatever. I’m such a why choose girlie, anyway,” Tenni sighed wistfully. 

“Why choose a good man?” Miranda asked. You howled with laughter and hi-fived Miranda as Tenni’s face dropped. She flipped both of you the bird but ended up laughing with you. 

All done, you didn’t bother grabbing a sweater. Yes, it was freezing, but after a few drinks and some dancing in a cramped space, you would be warm enough. 

As a trio, you all headed to West Hollywood. The lights grew brighter the closer you got with billboards and ads all vying for your attention. The streets grew cleaner and the restaurants grew more expensive.

The apartment you shared with your boyfriend was by no means considered the hood. But the startling contradictions about LA were what kept you there. On one corner, there was a man dressed in a feather pink boa and leopard print undies dancing to some invisible beat. On the other side of the street, there was a group of women with three shopping bags a piece. 

LA was weird in the best way but it was home and it was yours. You giggled and laughed with your friends in the Uber, chatting up the sweet older gentleman who insisted on opening the doors for all of you. 

After arriving and showing the bouncer your IDs, you all headed to the elevator. The space was surprisingly big, with a 50s style black and white flooring and wood paneled walls. There was an advertisement for the rooftop movies they sometimes showed. You checked over the movies, wondering if there was something Terry would be down for. 

Before long, the elevators opened on the other side out onto the rooftop. The place was already packed, with people crowding the bar like it was running out of alcohol. The DJ played annoying club mix pop songs that grated because it made these people think they could dance. When all they did was jump up and down in place.

The hostess smiled at your group as you stepped forward. To the left, there was a door covered in faux grass and a sign with something you couldn’t read. But, it was half-cracked open revealing a skating rink on the other side.

“Oh my god! Look!” Tenni screamed. Behind you, there was a life sized Barbie box. Tenni hopped in with a deranged giggle, handing Miranda her phone. 

You directed her to look a certain way or pose a certain way while Miranda played photographer. You each took turns in the box, taking a thousand and one pictures. As soon as you were done, there was a mini line forming of people wanting to do the same thing. When you got your phone back, you selected the best pictures and sent them to Terry.

You added in saucy comments, teasing him, telling him all the filthy ways you were going to pleasure yourself tonight since he wasn’t around. He sent cryptic messages back and promised his retribution when he saw you.

“Are you going to talk to him all night?” Miranda asked.

“No, you hater. I came to hang with ya’ll and ring in the New Year. Now, where them drinks at?” You asked.

Tenni grabbed Miranda’s hand and led all of you to the other side of the rooftop bar. Against the railing, there was a line of white tables and plushy seats filled with people nervously glancing around and bobbing their heads. 

There were other standing room only tables, with people leaning against it and holding onto their significant others with a vice grip. It was like everyone was too afraid to loosen up and have fun. 

Behind you, the dance floor was tucked into the corner with strobe lights going wild and a machine projecting a neon dancer on the wall. The further you walked from the main area, the quieter it became. 

There were more tables and chairs here, but you already knew that those were reserved. Why these places thought you wanted to pay for a ticket, a seat, and a drink was beyond you. If you paid to get in somewhere, you should be able to sit wherever you damn well pleased. 

There was a second bar at the end of the rooftop with less people fighting over each other for watered down drinks. Your eyes roamed over the few people there. There were plenty of Black folk and you took a deep, restful sigh. You were around your people and you were safe. 

You each ended up grabbing a signature drink, passing it amongst yourselves to try the other’s drink. The sweet hit of alcohol hit your system and soon, you were dancing to even the cheesiest of songs. 

You three were probably the only ones dancing in the back area but that was fine. You were an entire vibe amongst yourselves and you all danced in time with the horrible remixes. 

The more you danced, the more others seemed to loosen up and go on and turn it into a party. You ended up linking with a group of guy friends who checked your friends out. 

True to form, Tenni stood between two guys, dancing and teasing them. When one got too handsy, Tenni would giggle and lean on the other for help and support. “Working them like a damn fiddle,” Miranda said and shook her head. 

“Think they’ll fight or want her at the same time?” You asked. 

Miranda assessed the two men playing with Tenni like a ping-pong ball. “Same time,” she said with a deadpan delivery that nearly made you snort your favorite drink. 

The night passed in a dizzying mix of alcohol, laughs, and the night sky overhead. Sweat rolled down your back as you shook your booty to every song that came on. Sometimes the DJ played songs you could actually dance to.

During those songs, you and your girls showed out. You twerked and sang, trying to one up each other in good fun. Tenni took a break from luring her next conquests in to snap pictures and videos and post it. 

“Shot! Shot! Shot!” You yelled, giggling, holding three shot glasses in your hand. You were more than a little tipsy, everything turning sideways a bit. But you trucked on, too turnt up for self-preservation. 

You clinked your glasses together. “Another year to the best friends I could have ever asked for,” Miranda said. 

“Another year of being badasses,” Tenni said.

“Another year of holding each other down,” you said. At once, you drank the shot and braced yourself for the swift burn down your throat. 

The DJ turned on the unedited version of ‘Big Energy’ by Latto. “Oh shit!” You screamed. 

You stomped your feet and shook your ass to the beat. You sang along and threw your hands in the air. “Pretty face, no waist, and a big ol’ ass!” 

You wilded out and let the alcohol direct your body for the night. You felt so loose, so alive, so free. It was a Tuesday night but you partied like it was a Saturday night and your bills were due. 

Tenni waved to you and you waved back, grinning at her. She continued to wave with one arm slung over one of the men she was thinking of taking home. You waved again, not understanding what she was trying to signal. 

Tenni looked over to Miranda who waved you down as well. You continued to twerk, getting into the song. “Ain’t too many niggas that can handle me!” You sang, sticking out your tongue and doing the most. 

“That right?” A deep, smooth voice said behind you. You straightened up immediately and turned around.

Terry stood behind you in a knit black see-through polo and dark pants. The collar was left open, revealing a short gold chain against his tanned skin. His gold watch flashed on his wrist as he looked down at you.

“Big Daddy!” You screamed, launching yourself into his arms. He caught you with ease and chuckled against your cheek. He absorbed the shock of your attack and hugged you around the waist. 

Your lips sought out his, pouring all of your love into it. His lips were so warm and juicy. Your body melted while in his arms, all the tension from the last week and a half leaving your body now that he was back.

“What are you doing here? When did you get in?” You asked once you leaned back. 

“I was planning a surprise for you when you got home,” he said.

“A surprise for me?” You asked. You remained in Terry’s arms, talking to him face to face. He smelled so damn good. Your eyes drifted taking in the subtle differences and comparing it to the last time he was with you.

His goatee framed his perfect face but he was letting it grow a bit. His hair filled out and it looked so good that you ran your fingers through it. His naturally dark eyelashes fanned his cheeks whenever he blinked. 

“Was a surprise,” he repeated. 

You pouted. “Why not anymore? It’s almost midnight,” you sang and waggled your eyebrows. 

Terry chuckled. He nuzzled your cheek with his nose and gave you a small kiss. “How much have you had to drink?” He asked.

You leaned back and pinched your thumb and forefinger. “A little. Barely a drop,” you said but your following giggle gave you away. 

Terry pressed his lips together in a frown. “Let’s go,” he said.

“But–” You looked behind you at your friends who waved you off. They already knew the business. Once Terry was home, you were off grid for at least two days. That ‘I missed you sex’ hit too fucking hard for you not to be in a sex coma afterwards. 

Terry waved to your friends before turning around with you still in his arms. You wiggled, but Terry held firm. You giggled and finally stopped. “I missed you too, Big Daddy. You got something for me in them pants?” You asked against his neck, rubbing yourself on his body, unashamed at who may be watching.

Your man was home, that was all you were concerned about. 

Terry held you in his arms as he opted for the stairs rather than the elevator. “They have rooftop movies here, babe. Would you be down to go?” You asked. 

Terry didn’t answer, taking the steps quickly. You shrugged. Maybe he was too focused on not dropping you. And with the dress you wore, you couldn’t wrap your legs around him like you wanted. 

Outside, the frigid night air was worse than when you were on the rooftop surrounded by bodies. The unforgiving cold air highlighted just how sweaty you were, making your bones shiver deep down.

Terry’s truck was parked illegally beside the curb. He tucked you inside and closed the door, walked to the other side and climbed in. He blasted the heater for you and put one arm around your headrest to back up safely into the street.

You watched, mesmerized, as his big hands turned the wheel one way and then another, adjusted the gear shift, and then pulled on down the street. This man could read the dictionary or draw stick figures and you’d sit and be attentive as hell. Everything he did turned you on. Absolutely everything.

And this outfit was doing things to you. Awful, terrible things to your body. Making you flush with heat. Making your pussy throb and your panties grow damp. You loved when he wore short sleeves so that he could show off his tattoos. He had a tiny scrawl across his right bicep with your name in cursive. You wanted to lick it.

At a red light, you leaned over the console and did just that. Terry gave you a side eye, his eyelashes so long and thick. 

The ride home was quiet but your tipsy, horny ass was too impatient to notice. You carried the conversation, telling him about things he missed while he was gone teaching. You touched him as you talked. You traced the veins in his arms and the tattoos painted there. You played with his neck and his big ears. And squeezed his thick thigh. Terry endured all of it with barely a sound. 

“Play with me,” you whined.

Terry silently pulled into the underground parking at your apartment building and then turned the car off. Without a word, he hopped out and then held the door open for you and helped you out as well. 

Terry grabbed your hand and yanked you towards the elevators. You giggled at his little caveman routine. Inside the elevator, Terry pulled until your back was against his chest. He gripped onto your waist possessively, alternately squeezing and letting go. 

Your body responded, melting against him while also tensing up from how amazing you felt in his arms. He was here. He was back. You couldn’t help rubbing his arms and hands as he held on. You leaned forward so that you could turn but he tightened his grip on you, holding you in place.

You looked over your shoulder at him but his eyes were trained on the numbers as they climbed higher. The elevator dinged and the doors slid open on your floor. Terry pushed you forward, with a quick smack to your booty.

Your hands shot out to cover your ass as you looked back with a giggle. Terry’s eyes were narrowed as a slight smirk played on his lips. 

“Love you,” you said, an edge of nervousness creeping into your tone. He was too quiet. Too focused. 

“You know you fucked up, right?” Terry asked, breaking his silence.

Your mouth dropped open in a cute ‘O’ as you walked with him down the hall. You pointed to yourself and Terry nodded. He kept a firm grip on your waist as he approached your apartment door, taking out his keys to enter. He let you go first and you skipped further away from him.

“Okay, I said some things earlier that I did not mean at all,” you said. You nodded your head but Terry only followed you into the apartment.

You held up your hand as Terry locked up and took off his shoes. You took off yours as well, needing the advantage. After all the dancing you did, your feet hurt something serious. But Terry was not in the mood for a foot rub. 

No, he was deceptively calm as he took off his watch and placed it on a table beside the front door. He emptied his pockets as well and you started to back away, mentally calculating where you could escape to until he calmed down.

That damn gremlin. Always writing checks your ass couldn’t cash. While not sitting right for two weeks sounded good in theory, you wanted a good dickin’ tonight. Not punishment. 

“We can talk about this, right?” You asked. Nervous giggles bubbled from your gut as you took in the stiff slope of his shoulders and the fluid way he moved. 

Terry turned to you and then folded his hands in front of him, one hand clutching the other wrist. 

Your hands turned clammy as you noticed his posture, his tilt, and his electric eyes. His chest rose and fell and your own heartbeat began to rise. Oh, shit. 

You turned and ran, heading towards your closet. “Where you going, baby?” Terry asked after you with a playful lilt in his accent.

You ran, full speed, heading up the stairs. You hit the top of the stairs and nearly toppled over, too excited at reaching the top without getting snatched. You took off down the hall and the bedroom door was cracked, calling to you. 

You reached out your hand to push it open and Terry’s big arms circled your waist and yanked. “Ahh!” You screamed as you were lifted clean off the ground. 

“What happened to all that big girl shit you were talkin’ earlier?” Terry asked, low and deep in your ear. Your pussy throbbed, getting wetter by the second. 

On second thought…

“Time to back up that shit you was talkin’ about,” Terry growled in your ear. 

Terry placed you on your feet but didn’t let you escape. He walked with you into the bedroom, turning on the lamps in the room. The warm lighting was dim enough to remain intimate but bright enough to see everything. 

Your bedroom was tastefully decorated in copper and navy. The walls were dark and so was the furniture, with a deep navy comforter and a copper throw blanket. Terry tossed you onto the bed and you hopped right back up.

“Wait, wait,” you said, the world spinning from your run and the alcohol still coursing through your blood. 

“You gon’ talk like a big girl, you need to take it like a big girl,” Terry said. He pushed you back down onto the bed and you bounced, biting your lip, as you looked up at him. 

You never felt more girly and small than when faced with just how tall Terry was. You were level with his waist as he undid his belt and watched you with a smirk. You mushed your thighs together at the devious look in his eyes. 

“But Big Daddy,” you said, pouting, trying to give him doe eyes so that he would take mercy on you. You reached out to run your hands under his shirt, to lay flat against his stomach. He had a light dusting of hair that tickled your palms.

No such luck. Terry moved away, removing your hands from his stomach. He looped the belt around your wrists and pulled tight, ensuring that you couldn’t move. You tested the bind, twisting your wrists but there was no give.

“I wanna touch you,” you whined. 

“I know,” he said. He pulled you by the belt to stand. Then, he placed a finger under your chin and tilted your head up to look at him. “Just remember I love you.”

“Shit,” you sighed.

Terry grinned as he spun you around and then moved your hair to the side. He positioned you to face the floor length mirror tucked into the corner for just this occasion. You watched the feral look on his face as he kissed and licked on the T tattoo you put on your shoulder for him. 

Your body shivered and you moaned as Terry’s hands trailed along your body. His hands relearned all of your curves, your ass, your waist, and tugged on your nipples through the fabric of your dress. 

You hissed as he pinched harder and harder, rubbing your nipples between his fingers. “Oh, Daddy,” you moaned. 

Terry kissed your shoulder and your neck, randomly licking in areas. You never knew when it was going to happen, but when it did, your clit throbbed with need. 

Terry pulled on the spaghetti straps until it slipped down your shoulders and your arms. You wore no bra underneath and Terry sucked in a gasp when you were fully exposed. He licked his lips and his eyes grew more narrow as he looked and grabbed his fill.

He continued grabbing and twisting your nipples until you were a squirming mess. “Please, baby, I’m sorry. I’ll behave,” you moaned. 

“I don’t believe you, baby,” he said. 

Terry pushed the dress down your body inch by inch. With each new section he uncovered, he kissed and licked and nibbled on your skin. You giggled and squirmed, trying to escape from him but he was too large. Too big. 

He peeled the dress off of your ass revealing your lacy pink panties beneath. Terry hummed and knelt on the floor, twisting your body around. He buried his face in your pussy and inhaled, groaning at the heightened smell of your arousal. 

Your body was on fire, throbbing with need. “Please, baby, please, baby. I’m sorry,” you whispered. 

“I still don’t believe you,” he murmured against your pussy. He peeled the dress down your thighs, his thumbs digging into your skin. He nibbled on your thigh and licked away the sting. 

You moaned as he continued dropping your dress to pool at your feet. He helped you step out of it and then he was back to planting his face in between your legs. You giggled. “I need you,” you moaned.

“I need you to behave,” he said.

“You like it when I misbehave though,” you said and poked your bottom lip out. Maybe if you got him talking, he’d abandon this silly plan and fuck your brains out. 

“Alright then, back up that shit you was tellin’ me,” he said. He looked up at you and you sighed at the raw need in his stormy eyes. 

You sank to your knees and pushed at him to stand. Once he did, you had just enough room to get his zipper down. You mirrored what he did earlier, planting your face against his thickening bulge and inhaled his deeply masculine scent. 

You moaned, fighting with his briefs to free that long, girthy dick begging for your attention. Once out of his briefs, his dick bounced against your face. He held the base and slapped your lips with it a few times.

You giggled and then opened your mouth, sucking him down. He groaned and threw his head back. “Shit, like that?” He asked. He slipped from your lips while he went to sit on the bed. You scooted in between his legs and then began licking his shaft.

He groaned and jerked his hips. You sucked his tip back into your mouth, sucking hard and watched as his eyes rolled back. He gripped the back of your head and pushed you down on the full length of him.

You couldn’t fit all of him inside, but damn if you didn’t try. Each slide down, you tried to take more and more of him. His dick tickled the back of your throat but you breathed through the gag reflex, relaxed your throat, and sucked him down how he wanted.

“Good fucking girl,” he groaned. “Missed this nasty mouth.”

He reached out with his free hand to grab and yank at your panties, pulling the thin fabric between your pussy lips. You yelped and squeezed your thighs together. 

You moaned around his dick. He throbbed in your mouth, dick pulsing. You flicked your tongue along the veins on his dick, wishing more than anything that you could do more. Grip him at the base, grip onto his thighs, something. You wanted to touch him so badly, your fingers tingled with it. 

Terry continued to push you onto his dick. He leaned partially back so that he could thrust up from his sitting position. You gagged anyway and spit on his dick. “Fuck, just like that,” he moaned. 

A light ring of gloss encircled his dick and you licked it all up, getting his dick nice and clean. The delicious salt of his cum mixed with the flavored gloss and you moaned at the taste. You watched his heavy balls rest against his thighs. You ached to touch them, play with them, bury your face, and suckle one into your mouth. 

“Gonna bust in this pretty mouth and you’re going to swallow it,” Terry moaned.

You locked eyes with him and nodded. He closed his eyes and thrust a few more times before he jerked and his dick twitched. Hot, pulsing cum filled your mouth and slid down your throat and you sucked it all down, swallowed just like he wanted. 

Terry panted as he slowly withdrew his dick past your lips. He grinned and massaged your jaw and throat. “Okay, baby?” He asked.

You nodded and blinked at him. “Words, beautiful,” he commanded.

“Yes, Big Daddy,” you said. His fingers worked out the kinks from taking his dick and you moaned as he found each one. 

“Am I forgiven?” You asked.

Terry chuckled and shook his head. “Not yet, I need a better apology,” he said. 

You whined. He tapped your face with his dick and you giggled with him, but kept your mouth shut. He rewarded you with a sultry, hot, deep kiss that made your toes curl. He licked your lips and you moaned, trying to get him to do it again.

Instead, he pulled away and then stood up. His dick was still hard, hot, and jutted away from his body. It bounced with each movement that he made. He helped you stand and then he helped you get on the bed.

He positioned you on your stomach and made you face the mirror. You watched him as he worked. The gleam in his eyes. His tongue slightly poked out from the corner of his mouth. 

“Knees,” he ordered.

You got to your knees on the bed, ass up, face down. He grabbed your hips and moved you until you were in the perfect position to offer your pussy on a silver platter. Terry took off his clothes and your pussy throbbed as his broad chest was revealed.

His body was beautiful. From head to foot. He sculpted his body with care and precision until he was a walking sex god and he was all fucking yours. 

You licked your lips as you watched him. Fully naked, he stepped forward and then rubbed his hands on your ass. 

He tested a few smacks, watching your ass recoil. He analyzed it like the soldier that he was, but each smack grew harder and more erratic. You couldn’t predict where he was going to smack and that fact turned you on more.

From time to time, he’d look up from his handiwork and wink at you in the mirror. He stopped his assault to head to your drawer. Inside, he dug out your favorite vibrator. “This is a punishment. So you are not allowed to cum, understand?” He gripped your chin and forced you to look him in the eye.

“Yes, Daddy,” you said with a nod.

Terry coated the bullet vibrator in lube, turned it on, and then plunged it inside. You moaned, stretching out like a cat. “Repeat after me, baby. I will be a good girl and listen to Daddy,” he said.

“I will be–” He delivered a swift, decisive smack that stung long after the initial hit. You gasped and bowed off of the bed but Terry pushed your lower back down. 

“I don’t hear any talking,” he said. 

You looked at him in the mirror and he grinned like a demon. “How long this lasts depends entirely on you,” he said, his voice low and deep. 

“But–” Another smack stole your breath away and you gasped, trying to fight the pain. The vibrator was no help, throbbing in time with your pussy in response to the spanking. 

“I will be a – unf,” you moaned. Terry rubbed your ass, fresh waves of fire licking down your spine. He gripped the vibrator and fucked you with it. You moaned and you rose up to meet the thrusts. 

Terry pulled the vibrator out and you cried out. “Talk,” he growled. 

Tears gathered in your eyes but you nodded. “I will be a good girl–” you stopped because Terry pushed the vibrator inside. When you stopped, he pulled it back out.

“I will be a good girl and listen to Daddy!” You yelled, not wanting him to stop again. Terry chuckled and kissed both of your ass cheeks, then plunged the vibrator back in. 

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” Terry said.

“I’m sorr-” you began but another smack turned your brain to jelly. You moaned and collapsed on to the bed, the sensations too much for you to bear. 

Terry roughly readjusted you. “If I have to move you again, you won’t cum at all,” he said. 

You sniffled as tears fell freely down your cheeks. You wanted to cum so badly, you were ready to beg. Until your knees were raw, your voice hoarse, and snot ran down your face. Your belly tightened with the urge but Terry was right there to pull the vibrator out. 

“Baby, please!” You begged. 

Terry answered with a smack to your ass, loud enough to echo in the room. Your body threatened to collapse but you wanted to cum more than anything at the moment. You tucked your knees further together and then wiped your eyes on your arm.

“I’m sorry, Daddy!” You yelled. 

“I won’t play when you’re gone. I’ll behave,” Terry said.

“I won’t play when you’re gone. I’ll behave,” you repeated, even as he delivered smacks. Your ass was on fire and your pussy leaked with your essence. Your nails dug into the comforter, gripping it as if it was the sole thing keeping your sanity intact. 

You shivered with the overwhelming need to cum. “Please, please, please,” you begged, nearly at your limit. 

“When Daddy tells me not to wear something, I’ll listen,” Terry said.

“When Daddy–” you said and cried out when Terry started fucking you with the vibrator. Your thighs twitched and jerked. 

Terry kissed your sweaty skin, nibbled on your ass. “Please, baby, I can’t no more. I can’t do it no more, baby, I can’t! Let me cum, please, let me cum.” You didn’t even know what the hell you were saying anymore. 

Terry removed the vibrator and you sighed, rubbing your forehead on the comforter. Cold air caressed your skin as Terry stepped away. You closed your eyes briefly, loving the reprieve. 

Terry entered you from behind in one rough thrust. You cried out with a moan, trying to escape. Terry grabbed your hips and slammed you back down on his dick. He grabbed your neck and pushed your face into the mattress. You were barely able to keep an eye on him in the mirror.

You gasped and panted, the delicious stretch of him competing with the slight burn of the unexpected rough thrust. “When. Daddy. Tells. Me. Not. To. Wear. Something. I’ll. Listen,” Terry punctuated every word with a sharp thrust that made you see stars. 

You fought, hard, with your body to not cum unless he said so. With his fingers wrapped around your neck, he had full control in this position. He moved your neck so that you could look at him in the mirror better. 

“When Daddy tells me not to wear something, I’ll listen,” you sniffled. Fuck, you weren’t going to last. Not at all. It was a miracle you lasted this long. 

He was so thick, pushing up and into you. He dug you out, nearly touching your guts as he delivered long, deep strokes. His hips rolled into you, making you feel every inch of him. 

“I won’t tease Daddy when he’s away on an assignment,” Terry said, his voice rumbling in his chest. Sweat poured off of him and dripped onto your back. His moans were low, eyes crinkled in the corner. His jaw was slightly slack, juicy bottom lip caught between his teeth. 

“I won’t te-te-,” you stuttered, your body giving in to the pleasure. Terry stopped stroking until you calmed down, the orgasm retreating from the edge. 

“Start over,” he said, his voice soft for once. 

“I won’t tease D-D,” you stuttered again. You were ready to combust. 

“I won’t go until you do,” he said. “You might wanna hurry up though, it’s almost midnight,” he said. 

You whined and groaned in frustration. This was such bullshit! But fuck, your brain was pleasantly numb. You were Terry’s plaything at the moment and this was the only place you belonged. Naked and at his mercy.

“I won’t tease Daddy when he’s away on assignment,” you whispered. Took you a few tries, but you did so without stuttering or stopping. 

“I won’t use Daddy’s real name unless it’s necessary,” he said.

“I won’t use Daddy’s real name unless it’s necessary,” you whispered. You could only hold on for so long. Your orgasm twisted your belly painfully, rising closer to the surface with each deep stroke of Terry’s dick. 

“I’m so sorry, Daddy,” he said. He moaned as he seemed to sink deeper. Hit a new depth inside that unleashed an entire galaxy behind your eyelids. 

“I’m so sorry, Daddy,” you moaned. 

“I won’t do it again,” Terry said.

“I won’t do it again,” you said. 

“Ten, nine, eight…”

Terry counted for you because you were too far gone to say anything else. When he got to one, the clock struck twelve and Terry moved his fingers between your legs and rubbed your aching clit. 

Your orgasm split you open, atom by atom until you were able to take a peek at your soul. Written in the seams was Terry’s full government name and military rank. In every lifetime, every reincarnation, it was just the two of you. Forever and ever as long as there was life in the universe and all of creation.

Fireworks boomed and whistled outside your apartment as the world went crazy for the near year. Light flashed behind your closed eyelids. Terry’s grunts and moans faded to the background as your orgasm seemed endless. Boundless. You were beyond this room, this block, this city, this country. You were beyond. 

Terry stroked once more before he exploded inside of you, filling you to the brim with his cum. “Fuckin’ love you, baby. You’re so good for me. You did so well. I’m so proud of you,” he moaned. He kissed your neck, your back, your shoulder, and your tattoo as his dick throbbed and throbbed.

“Happy New Year’s, Big Daddy.”

“Happy New Year’s, baby,” he said and kissed your forehead.

Happy 2025!!!! The Secret Terry Richmond Files

Taglist:

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@browngirldominion @iv0rysoap @thecookiebratz @harmshake @00aijia00

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@thegreatlibraryofalex @amyhennessyhouse @hihellogoodbyebruh @becauseimswagman1

[kathaynesart]

Merry Christmas everyone (even if I'm a bit late)! I already did my big Christmas piece HERE but didn't feel right not to do a fun little extra thing on the day of!

Also, for all of those asking the below question:

NO! You got one and it took all year! That's it, haha! Though admittedly, some of you might have figured out that this "Special" was actually just a chapter flashback disguised as a Holiday Special. It still took longer than expected though heh.

Also including a small update under the cut. TLDR expect the next Replica update soon. Sorry it's taken so long!

As far as Replica going forward I hope to begin on it full force now that I have completed most of my below task list:

CHECK LIST: TMNT Zines (3 total) - 100% complete (finally) Eye Injury - 85% healed (it's been an annoying setback) Holiday Obligations - 95% complete (can focus on art again) Replica Next Update - 50% complete (whew!)

This next update will be the last BIG one for a while, but it will be the biggest one yet. Then we'll be back to much smaller more regular updates (I can't wait). I'm sorry this next one has taken so long, but all the above life obligations have been keeping me busy on top of just everyday stuff! Thank you everyone for your endless patience as we get back into the swing!

[itoshi-s]

ummmmm i sure hope either ubers or bastard munchen get dragged this game cuz i am not waiting like 30 weeks to see rin

[libraryspectre]

Since I started a lot of permanent changes have occured, but it's just starting to sink in that I will never have to go back. And it's starting to feel real that not only do I get to keep what I already have forever, but I'm just at the beginning and so much more is going to change. At first I was looking toward the immediate future and all the exciting initial changes, now I'm staring down the rest of my life and when I think about what's still coming my insides feel like a lava lamp. I'm probably glowing slightly purple rn.

Since starting t my arms are already noticably more muscular without any change in activity, once I start weight lifting it is so over

[drawcupidsbow]

happy birthday isat :)

this took me Wayyyy longer than i thought it would so thats why its a bit late.. ehheh.... i really like how it turned out though !! extra stuff under the cut

okay. okay im gonna get a bit sappy here. bear (🐻) with me

isat has very quickly become my favorite game of all time which is not an exaggeration. never have i played a game that felt so real in its dialogue, characterization, and character interactions. it makes it so easy to relate to them all and so difficult to pick just One favorite. it cured my art block watered my crops fed my family etc etc. i had originally bought it nearly a year ago now. on christmas day to be specific! and for some reason i didnt actually Finish the damn thing until may. and whew did it consume my every waking thought. i havent had this much fun theorizing and being part of a fandom in general in so so long. thank you adrienne for making such a wonderful game and thank you isat fandom for being so kind and friendly! i actually feel like i can make an effort to have a presence here more than anywhere else and i hope i can become closer with all my mutuals and anyone else who wants to talk about isat with me for one million years

okay enough Heres the art you came here for

first time in like. actual years i did sketch then lineart instead of just cleaning up the sketch a bunch LOL so here is the sketch for this one

the dreaded lineart. this took the longest time and i never want to draw again (joke)

self explanatory. i had an idea to add loop but do Not have the energy to execute it currently. oh well!

if you read my big big paragraph of rambling thank you :3c That is all. Im gonna go take a break from drawing for a day or two and lay on the floor