#whew long post

[little-cereal-draws]

Some sad Ballister and money headcanons

pt 1? maybe?

Ballister has a very complicated relationship to money

Growing up poor, the threat of not having basic things like a home, food, or other necessities hung heavy over his head. He might not have understood the full scope of it, but he was a smart kid and understood enough to feel its affects

He didn't have nice toys, his clothes were full of holes, their meals were small. He knew other families had more, he would see them walking down the street, but knew that wasn't for him or his family

He wouldn't ask for ice cream in the summer, wouldn't complain when they ate the same stew for dinner every day for a week because that's all there was, never cried or whined the few times he asked for something and was told "no"

It bled into guilt. When his mom offered to cut his hair one summer when he was sweating up a storm, he said no. He didn't want to bother her; she already was so busy and stressed. She assured him that it would take five minutes and wouldn't cost anything but still he refused

Or one fall, he helped a neighbor fix his heater (he held the tools) and got paid $10. He was so excited; this was money all for himself! His first thought was to give it to his parents because he knew how much they needed it but this was his money. He bought himself a sandwich for $6. The rest of it he gave to his parents. They didn't want to take it from him but he insisted and eventually they gave in

That night, he cried. He wanted to help, he knew how much they needed the money and how hard his parents worked, and he had selfishly spent over half of it on a single meal. $10 would have been much more helpful than $4 but he just had to treat himself, didn't he? He knew those fancy, expensive foods weren't for him but he bought it anyway

It was around this time that he decided he wanted to be a knight. They were so brave and strong and helped so many more people than he could. And they probably got paid pretty well, their armor was always so shiny

So he would pick up any odd jobs people could give to a kid (walking someone's dog, watering their plants while they were away, sorting recycling from garbage, etc) while dreaming about being a knight. The jobs only paid somewhere between $5 - $10 but it wasn't about the money. He was a hero of the realm and they only needed the safety of their people to be satisfied

But he would go home and count every dollar before he went to bed

When the Queen offered to keep him at the Institute and train him to be a knight, neither him nor his family could believe what they were hearing. There was some back and forth about what this would mean but ultimately, they let him go. He would have food, shelter, stability and all the things they couldn't provide

Joining the Institute was very overwhelming for many reasons but Balister did have to say he did enjoy not worrying about money all the time. He never had to worry about if the lights would shut off or where his next meal would come from. He didn't have to budget his few dollars and didn't feel guilty for wanting things. The other kids had so much stuff, surely he could have some too

This... wasn't totally true. Even though his life was more stable now, he still didn't have the latest sneakers or stories about long vacations to country houses or anything else that these kids had. He tried to ignore it but it was a glaring middle finger to the face every time someone casually mentioned their new pet pony or other ridiculous bullshit

The first few years of his training were fine, they were all using fake swords with plastic armor on straw dummies. But as he reached his teen years and training got more serious, he realized he was going to be left behind again

The Institute and the Queen did provide some things for him but it turns out that most of those kids' families provided their knight equipment for them. Ballister's family would be expected to do the same and he knew there was no way that was going to happen. He had come here to make his dreams a reality but if he had to choose between his future or his family starving/being homeless because all their money went to his armor, he would go home in a heartbeat. It would kill him but, in his heart, he knew it's what he would do

So he went to class everyday with only a sword that wasn't his. Ambrosius gave him a sword when he first got to the Institute and saw he didn't have one. At the time he was thrilled but told him he couldn't accept it, Ambrosius needed it. The blond boy had simply shrugged and said "You can keep it, I have a whole bunch." He was ecstatic to finally get a real-life sword but now it was a reminder that these other kids could trade these thousand dollar weapons like baseball cards. The monetary value meant nothing to them

Despite having a sword already, he didn't have any armor and got his ass handed to him so many times. Turns out having protection against people thrusting blades at you was important. Todd and the other knights made of him mercilessly but he would just have to endure it because there was no way in hell he was going to tell his parents he needed equipment. He was going to have to deal with it himself

At first the Director wanted him to stop training until he was able to afford armor but he begged her to keep going. He got really good at blocking attacks, because if he didn't, he would get hurt, but he knew it wasn't enough

It was nearly impossible because training took all day and then left him dog-tired but he started picking up odd jobs on the weekends again. People paid much better in the wealthier neighborhoods and he could get quite a decent sum for cleaning someone's gutter or mowing their lawn. It was embarrassing that he had to do this while the other kids could relax but it was worth it to not be covered in bandages all the time

He had saved halfway to his goal when he got seriously hurt. Sparing gone wrong, he fell for a fake-out right move and got slashed across his left side. It was bleeding a lot and he was whisked away to the informatory. After he got stitched up, the Queen came to see him. He hadn't expected her but apparently the accident was big enough to reach her

She asked him how this happened and embarrassedly, he admitted he wasn't wearing armor during practice. She was shocked and asked "why in the world not???" After a moment debate, he admitted that he didn't have any. That opened the floodgates, and everything came pouring out. He was ashamed that he got hurt, he was embarrassed he didn't have armor, he was guilty that he didn't ask for help, he was stressed that his parents would help him at their own expense, he was tired from spending every second he wasn't in class working

The Queen comforted him, letting him cry on her shoulder and combing his hair. It only added to his shame, this was no way for anyone to be treating the QUEEN. He pulled away and then the unspeakable happened. She offered to buy him a suit of armor. He sputtered, trying to refuse it, or at least let him pay for the part he had money for but she refused to negotiate. It was unacceptable that one of her knight cadets was left without the basic equipment required to succeed, that the Director did nothing to fix the problem, and that the environment of the Institiute made Balister feel too ashamed to ask for help and got him seriously injured

She bought him his thick black armor and the first day he wore it to class, he couldn't stop grinning. He beat the shit out of everybody who dared spar with him

Time went on and Ballister's armor got chipped and dented but he never wanted to buy a new pair like all his classmates in their shiny chest plates. This armor was old but it was his, he was allowed to have this

[mechncheese]

hello!! i’ve got a question about science au! is the elite trine’s dynamic more like brothers or close coworkers who get pissed at each other a lot & how do skywarp and starscream feel about thunder crackers defection regardless?

They’re close coworkers who annoy each other a lot but they love and care about each other deep down even if they don’t openly express it (platonic, i cannot emphasize enough that the elite trine is entirely platonic to me)

Skywarp and Starscream don’t know that Thundercracker defected to the Autobots (yet) all they know is that Thundercracker went missing after the fight with Megatron and presumably died from his wounds after.

Starscream copes by pretending Thundercracker doesn't exist. He doesn’t want his name mentioned and has been getting progressively snippier at Skywarp everytime Skywarp tries to bring it up. This leads to a bit of a rift between them.

Skywarp copes by talking about Thundercracker negatively. Convincing themself that Thundercracker was always a thorn in their side and they’re better off without him. Since Starscream has completely closed himself off from discussing Thundercracker in any way, Skywarp turns to Slipstream to vent about their feelings but Slipstream’s like “I am just trying to do my job." She’s kind of getting fed up with their emotional baggage. She just got here and things are already a mess </3

Both of them miss Thundercracker dearly but they don’t really process their emotions well, so it comes across very Hostile and Aggressive.

When they do find out that Thundercracker is not only alive but also switched sides.. Oh man ! TC better be prepared to endure the wrath and fury of a thousand raging storms !

[gingerdusk]

what are your opinions on botw compared to totk? Do you think botw is better?

...Eh...it's more nuanced than that.

Did I enjoy BotW more? No, not at all. I was an avid Zelda player BEFORE BotW came out. My first and favorite game was Twilight Princess, so that's the standard of fun I tend to hold things to.

Let's start with enemy diversity.

This is the entirety of the map in Twilight Princess. A lot smaller than BotW, sure, but:

In Faron Woods, it's crawling with Bokoblins and Deku Babas and Skulltulas.

Once you leave the woods, though, no more giant spiders. The occasional bloodthirsty plant, sure, but now you've got things like Kargaroks and Bombskits in the mix.

Then this whole area lacks Bokoblins, but instead has Bulblins, and adds in Leevers.

The desert region has Moldworms. The ice region has ghostly Wolfos. You can only find Lizalfos in the northern half of the region, and they have variants that change how their combat works significantly.

Look at this guy! He's a pain in the ass and I hate him.

In comparison, Breath of the Wild has...

...Bokoblin territory.

There's some variety in enemy type. There are Lizalfos, and Moblins, and Octoroks. But what's region specific? The only real change between areas is "fire Lizalfos in Eldin, ice Lizalfos in Hebra." You don't get to see new enemies by going to faraway corners of the map. You don't have to learn new tactics to kill any of them.

I do think they did good with the inclusion of overworld minibosses. Killing Lynels was one of my favorite pastimes. With the right bow and a large enough stamina wheel, I could kill one before I hit the ground, and that was FUN relative to their challenge. But the rest of the world swiftly grew boring.

Then there's your reward for exploring. In BotW, it's really only ever one of two things.

Shrines and Koroks.

It all feels very...copy-paste, if you know what I mean. Sure, you could shoot a bunch of flying targets or follow a flower around, but the dialogue is exactly the same, and the reward is a chip of the price towards an extra inventory slot.

An inventory slot that gets more expensive, mind you.

The shrines are a little less repetitive; each one DOES have its own unique puzzle. But you know what the reward is from the get-go, so if you don't particularly like the puzzle, it's already starting not to feel worth it.

Meanwhile, in Twilight Princess, you want a piece of heart (which is effectively what the spirit orbs are)?

Snag it with a fishing rod!

Land at the top tier of a minigame with other rewards!

Be an absolute gremlin and climb on the dungeon's chandelier!

Not a whole ordeal that may or may not be fun. A dangling treat. "Hey, there's a treasure chest up here. Don't you want to find out what it is?" Because any of these might have been a silver rupee instead.

And that's not even talking about the hidden treasures. You can get an extra bottle (potion slot) by fishing in the right spot. You can find a heart piece by lighting up two abandoned lanterns in the woods. There are dig spots that lead to rooms full of enemies that rain money when you clear them out.

Meanwhile...go find a spirit orb. Collect another 20 korok seeds and get back to me.

I despise monotony, and if you explore as much of Breath of the Wild as it allows you to, that's what it becomes. Monotonous.

Tears of the Kingdom, for the most part, fixed that for me. The sky became empty and repetitive fast, sure, but the other two layers made up for it. Yiga camps are quick stealth-combat puzzles with unique rewards. The Depths don't show their hand immediately, and while they do get samey, there's enough danger that that feeling gets staved off for awhile; plus, the mirroring of the world above with the lightroots being the bottoms of the shrines made lighting the whole place up have an additional goal. The puzzle became more about "find the shrine" than "solve the shrine."

The shrines had multiple solutions, too. I did like that. It made being clever about them fun, rather than being told "this is what you need to do, now go carry an ice block through three waves of fire."

I can only find Froxes underground. I can only find constructs near Zonai ruins. Like-Likes are cave creatures, and bomb flowers only grow out of sunlight, so it's worth venturing in.

So I enjoyed TotK more than BotW, yes.

HOWEVER

BotW is a more cohesive and complete experience than TotK.

Making a sequel to a game is tricky to pull off. And this is the first REAL direct sequel the Zelda franchise has seen.

Look at all the other sequels:

Legend of Zelda -> Adventure of Link: New map

Ocarina of Time -> Majora's Mask: New world

Ocarina of Time -> Wind Waker: New map that might as well be a new world

Wind Waker -> Phantom Hourglass: New map that IS a new world

Phantom Hourglass -> Spirit Tracks: New map AND new world

Oracle of Seasons -> Oracle of Ages: New map AND new world

A Link to the Past -> A Link Between Worlds: 100 years later, not the same characters

Minish Cap -> Four Swords -> Four Swords Adventures: New characters, new maps. Not the same

This is the first time Nintendo has decided to make a direct sequel happen on the same exact map. And they chose to do so with their first nonlinear open world game.

That's a tricky thing to pull off in the best of circumstances. Because you have to make an experience that feels continuous with both your friend that did the bare minimum of plot in order to beat Calamity Ganon AND the one that did 100% of the game and built Tarrey Town from the ground up.

The ideal way to do that would be to make a fluctuating world state. You know how the stables read your save data to load in your horses from BotW?

The Witcher games do that for the entire game. If I killed someone in TW2, he won't show up in TW3. If I made a choice that decided victory for one group, I get to see the consequences of that. If I romanced one and then chose the other, my ex gets salty about it, but she still has the flower I gave her.

The problem with that is that it takes more work. You have to plan for the eventuality in which Tarrey Town either exists or doesn't, so you have to alter your quest plans around that. Did you free the Rito's skies from Vah Medoh? Did you save that house from demolition to make it your own? It about doubles your workload.

But the shortcut route they wound up taking is...not great, either. You COULD avoid all the fluctuation by making the "true ending," where Link did 100% of the work, canon. Which is, visually, what they wound up doing. Tarrey Town exists. The Divine Beasts stopped rampaging. You had a house. All your hearts and stamina wheels are maxed out. Everyone who could be helped WAS helped.

But they didn't commit to that, so they made all those changes happen without really acknowledging Link as the source. So what we wind up with is a dissonance between world and people. They WANTED a complete Hyrule, but they didn't want to alienate returning players that might not have made those choices, so they're all sourceless changes. Half of Hyrule can't recognize Link's face. Most everything you can do to impact these places in BotW is handwaved into obscurity.

It sucks.

There's also the fact that the Zelda approach to lore is "we're going to do something so insane that it'll make a fantastic story and a unique experience." Which is good! But if you're reusing a map and characters, you have to be a lot more careful with it. You know the Hyrule Historia timeline? The one that's full of contradictions?

This thing?

It tries to weave threads through unrelated things. It half-succeeds, because it can lean on the benefit of "we have no idea how much time has passed between these, of course things have changed." How do you reconcile the vastly different environments between A Link to the Past and Ocarina of Time, when you've got Majora's Mask and Wind Waker taking up the sequel spots? Simple, you put it behind a timeline split.

Eras do a LOT of heavy lifting for inconsistencies.

But the same characters? The same map? Now, instead of all your haphazardly tied things lending to the mystery of "how could this have happened? We'll leave that to you," we get retcon, after retcon, after retcon.

Where are the Sheikah shrines? What happened to the Guardians? What's up with Zelda's character not acknowledging her past insecurities?

It's been six years in-universe. That's not enough time to convince your players the "oh, it just changed" angle is realistic.

So, in short:

I enjoyed TotK vastly more than BotW. But BotW knew what it wanted to achieve and had a cohesive story, and TotK felt much more clumsy due to the limitations it placed on itself.

[beneathsilverstars]

It's hard, taking care of a kid when you're still growing up yourself, but Pétronille does her best. She's not sure it's good enough, but what else can she do? A series of scenes following Pétronille and Bonnie, from the first time they ran away to the second.

Rating: Teen and Up Category: Gen Characters: Pétronille, Bonnie Tags: POV Second Person, Minor Original Character(s), Specifically various citizens of Bambouche, Child Neglect, Child Abuse, Bipolar Pétronille, Suicidal Thoughts, breaking the cycle, kitchen mishaps, Shoes both remembered and forgotten, Drowning imagery, Bonnie's protectee guilt, Bonnie's A+ spelling Words: 10,541

[pleuro]

summer went away, still the yearning stays

[mikeyp16]

Adding onto my previous rant cuz these tags refueled my fire for a more cohesive rant.

First off: People call Planes 2 a Cars 3 ripoff?? HUH??? Where TF is that argument coming from? But I guess it ties into the second point, I've also noticed a lot of people are so quick to dismiss both Planes movies really easily, (not helped by cartoon reviewers who also dismiss these movies)

I’ll state my bias, I personally enjoyed Planes more as a kid, and have fond memories of them. Are the Planes movies perfect? No, but they are just as valid films as the Cars movies. plane kids deserve movies just as much as car kids.

When it comes to critiquing the films there are some valid critiques but most people don't go that route to justify their hatred for the films. First if you’re going to critique the films you should at least categorize it correctly.. Like people calling it a ripoff are not just wrong because of how different Cars and Planes are, they’re also wrong because Planes is a Spinoff. It takes place in the same universe that follows different characters and a different area of the world. Forgive me for bringing up the controversial franchise but that's like calling Helluva Boss a Ripoff of Hazbin Hotel, like that’s just not true??

Secondly, Planes and Cars have very different themes and the protagonists go on very different journeys, and I feel like people calling Planes a copy is a by-product of people missing the whole point of Cars 1. 

Cars 1 isn't about racing. What I mean by that is the film doesn't really revolve around McQueen preparing for and participating in a race like most racing films do. Yes there is a time between the three way tie and the tie breaker race, but McQueen spends that time in Radiator Springs, fixing the road he broke. Along the way he learns to slow down, appreciate the smaller parts of life, that you can't always be a one man show and that winning isn't everything. The King even foreshadows the Lesson Mcqueen is going to learn at the end of the intro race. McQueens conversation with mater and later with Doc are both good examples of McQueen maturing as a person, being less of an asshole and letting people help him. When he loses his mojo and motivation for the race you can literally see it come back when he sees his friends and by implementing what he’s learned from Doc. At its barest bones, Cars is about a celebrity learning to be humble and winning not by physically passing the line, but by being a good sport. That is the theme and message of the first Cars. 

Planes on the other hand is more of an underdog racing film. Being about Dusty trying to overcome what those around him keep telling him to be. Throughout the film Dusty is almost always constantly being reminded he’s a crop duster, he isn't built for speed and that he should stick to crop dusting. He’s told this so much it frustrates him, and you can see this in his conversation with Skipper when he gets chosen. (i used that clip on the previous post)

You can tell in his voice that Dusty is frustrated, he KNOWS he’s a crop duster, he doesn't need people to keep telling him he’s very much aware of that fact. But you can tell he’s un fulfilled, he’s tired of doing the same thing for years as he’s put it, he wants to race because he wants to fulfill a dream of his, in his home you can see the racing posters and figures to show how important this dream is to him. At the start of the film his goal isn't really to win, but to prove he can do it. It's here where the two films’ themes really diverge. 

Like I've mentioned Planes does have some genuine critiques, like the weird military ending (not even I can explain why) or the plot hole surrounding Skipper’s time in the navy yet only having one medal? Even if he did only one mission I'm sure he would have had a few more, considering the age he’s implied to be? Like he would have had to do quite a bit before becoming a flight instructor correct? I do love Skip but i think they tried to re-create Doc’s Backstory when in context it doesn't really work, keeping your racing past a secret is different than repressing your military service, etc, But these are conversations for another day

My point with bringing these up is that some people when critiquing Planes tend to dismiss it as a cars clone and call it a day or pull points that arent relevent to the film, this is especially true with Planes: Fire and Rescue, ( PFR ) and comparing it to Cars 3

First, saying this is a copy of cars 3 is crazy, especially when Planes Fire and Rescue came out first,

Plus while in both films the MC is forced to stop racing, in Cars 3 McQueen keeps trying to prove he can still do it, Dusty essentially becomes disabled since his gear box is out of production and while he tries to go McQueen’s route to prove he still can race at first it doesn't work out.

On a surface level, the films are about how life doesnt always go the way we want it, but they handle it differently. While McQueen tries to continue the Racing life and prove he's still got it and eventually staying with Racing, in PFR Dusty physically cant but learns that even with his busted gearbox, he cant let it stop him from doing something esspecially when it comes to firefighting

This moment with Blade showcases this

This is what makes these films different, at least to me. and yeah my bias might be showing as I am not the hugest fan of Cars 3, but It annoys me that people "analyse" and critique Planes when they only under stand both Planes and Cars on a surface level. Or just go with what the cartoon reveiwers say about them. (Like saying Fire and Rescue is propaganda but we're not gonna go into that)

TLDR: Planes are underrated and people need to stop calling the films cars clones because it proves they missed the point of both

[coochie-sniffer3000]

big art dump because i haven’t been posting my art very much… tee hee hee (the pics miiiiight be outa order if you’re in mobile?? irdk we’ll see)

girlbound au thingalings (self explanatory):

oc crap 😈😈

and misc things 😇 (including aus and some ness smash alt redesigns)

[katkalis-the-horror-fanartist]

Whats the order of hierarchy in this au? Who's the most powerful to least powerful?

(also op that art where zoth and abducius are dancing together make me so insane/pos)

GLAD YOU LIKE THAT ONE. They have a few other things they do together too...But that's for other times 😅

These Tierlists should sum up the question. Defense Levels and Power Levels:

Then, under this cut, I'm putting the details as to why they're ordered like this! I'm also adding much needed details to be known about all these characters!

Hierarchy List (and facts)

Considering both Strength and Defense.

• Yan Luo Wang Diyu: Princess of Death. Astral Life Reaper. Brings Death. She holds complete power over her respective astral circle. All events that happen within are all orchestrated and catered by her.

• Drugia Fleuretty: Nightmare Designer. Humans have assumed that she designs clothes in the nightmare, but this is not the case. Drugia's talent is creating and designing eldritch monstrosities that reside in the Astral Circle. These creatures of fear and suffering, created by her hands (and sometimes Izanami's) send irreparable dread into many that witness them. Along with her dreadful ability, she too is rendered nearly immortal, with no known weakness. Some say that, with her knowledge and talent, she can someday destroy other Astral Circles nearby with an army of beasts from realms unknown.

• Quachil Uttaus: Misfortion Bringer. Astral Guardian. Due to their abilities, none can best them. Their misfortune is deadly, as it causes attacks to miss, injuries to become more fatal, and human organs to fail to function properly (sudden ailments such as heart attacks, strokes, etc.). Due to this, fortune absent for their opponents, Quachil's success rate for winning in a battle is set in stone as 100%. This power of Quachil's is also able to protect residents of their Astral Circle, bringing misfortune to anyone that attempts to harm any of them. As long as Quachil is aware of said confrontation. They often are, but rare cases can occur where they are fixated solely on one task.

• Chaugnar Faugn: Occultist. He controls cults circled around Yao Luo. He commands groups of her worshippers, which is already a high priviledge, yet alongside that, his defense and power are close to infinite. His weakness is undiscovered. It is said that only the Princess of Death herself can cease his life. Of course, she never will. So he reigns alongside her and is able to command her followers to defend her, himself, and her partner Orcus.

• Shub Niggurath: Famine Bringer. She is able to cause crops to be unable to grow and livestock to become malnourished and ill. Her famines can devastate entire continents of humans, and sometimes even other residents of the Astral Plane as a whole. In these cases, humans brought to the Astral Plane for soul and bodily consumption will also wither away as livestock would. Even beyond planet Earth, she is feared. Though it is believed she does have a weakness: To be decapitated by a golden axe blessed by either a god of war or a goddess of fertility and bounty. It is said however that, even if she is somehow slayed, remnants of her soul may last and continue to spawn random bouts of drought and famine.

• Zoth Ommog: Ritual Leader. Similar to the past Astral entities, Zoth is akin to a hellish god. The rituals he conducts provide many effects, defects, abilities, and assistance. Centuries ago, this sinful, lustful monstrosity was imprisoned by gods. However, Yao Luo successfully planned and initiated tactics to free him. He has since honored her and resided in her Astral Circle, providing her and her fellow residents much from his rituals. Considered the most vile entity amongst the Princess' domain, most fear him, aside from a select few admirers and slaves, whom of which Zoth marks with special sigils and engages in heretical acts with. It is said that he does have a weakness: being pierced in the heart with any golden object that has been blessed by a god of purity. This however may still prove impossible, as his heart rests within his throat, which is shielded by the very collar the gods had imprisoned him with. That, and runes he created beneath his flesh grant him many defenses.

• Teutates Taranis: Annihilator. Considered the most proficient and deadly combatant in the Princess' Astral Circle, it is said that Teutates can best any that cross his path. He, like a few other Astral Residents, has his own select group of humans and beasts that obey his commands. His subjects are marked with specific tattoos and all go through a blood pact with him. His skill in battle and talent for both swift kills and agonizing annihilations make him a formidable challenge in battle, even against other higher demonic entities. Some theorize that he has a weakness: stabbing out his eyes. Others, however, say that he is able to sense foes without sight and that this is no weakness of his. But recently, some have thought about another possible weakness of the annihilator: shooting him between the eyes with an arrow coated in a sedative. Something powerful enough to alter his brain function.

• Anazareth Anazarel: Curse Creator. After having practiced under the guidance of Yan Luo herself, Anazareth has mastered many terrible and effective curses fit for many situations. She also has a sigil bestowed upon her by Zoth in Yan Luo's will that not only increases the potency of her curses compared to others, but gave her the ability to effect even those that use magic to protect them from said curses. This sigil in turn granted her other moderate demonic powers and altered her appearance, giving her horns. She is in high enough authority to have her own followers like Zoth, Abducius, and Teutates. Her owned subjects have special tattoos on their collarbones, cheeks, or backs, and all have at least one horn as a result of them. Some say that cutting off her horns is her weakness. Other say that you must specifically burn the base of the horns after cutting them off, otherwise they may grow back. This proves difficult in idea, as she must be completely still for this to be done properly.

• Ishtar Ereskigal: Pestbringer. Similar to Shub in the aspect of affecting entire populations with food-stunting issues. Her pests range from cockroaches to rats to locusts and even mosquitos plagued with disease. Ticks, fleas, and bedbugs aren't even out of the equation. While she too can hinder farms, she can also infect households and wild environments. Her ability to devastate wildlife as well has granted her a vile, disgusting reputation. She may also use pests to assist in torture methods. It is said that her weakness is submerging her in holy water, which is already difficult to aquire in the Astral Circle. And even from Earth, it must be a decent amount.

• Abducius Morail: Mutilator. Though not as high up on the hierarchy ladder, the Mad Mutilator is heavily feared by many in the Princess' Astral Circle. His taste for agony and screams of pain lead him to be as torturous as Exael Lanithro with nearly as much battle prowess as Teutates Taranis. He takes intense euphoria and ecstasy in performing near-deadly operations and Frankenstein-esque crafts on living victims with no sedation. Even other higher-ups show slight repulsion towards him. He has some disfigured followers of his own, each one mutilated and/or branded in various ways. From skinned body parts to burned or exposed bones to body parts and organs of different animals. He has no specific weakness as he is closer to a human, but his own modifications to his body grand him decent defense, both physically and magically.

• Barbatos Barrabam: Human Hunter. Assigned an important job that benefits the Princess, Barbatos is well respected among his peers and superiors. He both speaks and acts straight to the point, always set on completing his goals with accuracy and no wasted time. Others may play with their prey, but Barbatos plays no games. They say he can see through walls. It is theorized that only being fully crushed beneath unbearable weight is enough to hault him and end his streak of humans hunted.

• Ah Puch Xilbalbá: Bone Breaker. Usually tortures mortals and disobedient slaves alongside Exael. He also often assists Abducius in breaking bones in victims in order to encourage their bones to heal improperly and become disfigured for Abducius' own enjoyment. In battle, every crunch of bones fuels him to become more violent, and once his opponent can no longer move, he may simply rip their bones out completely.

• Exael Lanithro: Torturer. Owning more twisted instruments and machines than any Astral Resident, Exael rarely runs out of torture methods for his unlucky victims. While some prefer to inflict harsh violence against their select subjects, Exael prefers more psychological and lengthy approaches, from water torture to slowly pumping victims with poison to using machines to stretch and rip victims apart. It is unknown if he takes satisfaction from his job though, as his expression rarely changes from his usual, somber look.

• Nyogtha Z'mog: Gravedigger. Though she is never often seen fighting, most if not all around her respect her. Sometimes, even humans captured and brought to the Astral Circle have minimum qualms with her. Harm against her, whether successfully applied or not, calls for instant torture. Though she has never truly proven herself in a fight, some say that she has swiftly ended the lives of those near-death with the shovel she often uses. She has also been seen using electricity to charge herself, leading to her never needing any rest, which even some superiors of hers indulge in. Her dedication to her job grant's her protection directly ordered by Yan Luo, and none dare to test to see if she is truly able to slaughter efficiently.

• Orcus Dis Pater: Skin Collector. Although nowhere near as high on the social ladder as Yan Luo, he is kept in close company to her. None have ever figured out why she keeps him so close. Orcus himself rarely speaks to others outside of the Princess' chambers, but when he does speak, those around him listen intently. Eagerly. It is said that skins he wears come from slain victims in the Astral Arena, and others have caught wind of Yan Luo working on a cloak for him. One made of 1000 skins.

• Lilith Lilitu Lilit: Witch. Brought into this Astral Circle by her best friend Anazareth. Though she has no specific assignments, she has never crossed nor annoyed the Princess, and therefore is allowed to spectate. However, recently in the past 100 years or so, she has taught herself more spells, and plans to ask for tutoring from Yan Luo, as Anazareth got.

• Izanami Yomi: Face Deformer. Her title may seem weak compared to others, but her worth comes from the fear she garners from those subjected to her ability. Her deformation powers can greatly affect the outcome of different gastly creations made by others. Whether it be carving faces for Drugia's monstrosities, sculpting faces of horror in Abducius' creations, or simply weakening an opponent by disfiguring their facial features, she has proven to not be as useless as her title makes her seem.

• Yog Sothoth: Vampire. Previously nameless before he was named by the Princess herself. He was accepted into her Astral Circle as long as he performed his designated job loyaly. His job requires him to tread between the boundaries of humans and the Astral Realm and use his looks and charisma to lure humans into being captured by his co-worker of sorts, Barbatos. It is well known that his looks are not completely of his own free will, but designed by Drugia and Anazareth as means of making him more appealing to humankind.

• Xezbet Xerbeth: Soul Eater. Xezbet shows little to no participation in Yan Luo's events. Little to nothing is known about his existence and why he has not been sent elsewhere. Some say it is because of his ability to unnerve mortals into submitting, while other say that he is only kept here to someday be harvested of all souls he has devoured.

• Dagda Crom Cruach: Soul Scarecrow. Little is known about Dagda as a whole. From his existence to his appearances in the Princess' domain. Like Xezbet, one can only hypothesize why this strange entity lurks about.

[snapdragonsimming]

The Big Fundie Simblr Ask Game

I've noticed that our beloved Fundie Simblr community could use a little more action, so I've written up this (insanely long!) ask game. Just pick a letter and a number to play. I encourage you to send asks to your mutuals and non-mutuals alike!

A: Writing/Posting

Who is your favorite sim to write for? Your least favorite?

What has been your favorite storyline to write? Your least favorite?

If you could go back and change anything you've written, what would it be?

What part of your blog are you most proud of?

How long does it take you to draft the average post?

Where do you write?

Where do you get your inspiration?

Do you base characters off people you know personally?

Share some advice for those running a Fundie Simblr blog!

Share a screenshot you took that you love the look of.

Share a hint, spoiler or teaser for an upcoming post.

How far ahead do you plan? Do you have a full queue right now?

B: Gameplay

What packs do you use the most?

What mods do you use the most?

Who is your favorite CC creator for modest clothing?

Do you think you struggle with "same-face syndrome" when creating your sims? 🙃

Do you find yourself falling into trends with regards to the "type" of (fundie) sims you create? (for example: lots of guys in the military, lots of girls with red hair, et cetera)

How do you pick names for your sims?

If you have multiple households, which is the easiest/most enjoyable to play? How about the easiest/least enjoyable?

Do you keep your sims on a routine, or is it constant chaos?

Do you cheat needs often? (No judgment either way!)

What's your advice for keeping large households alive?

In actual gameplay, how fundie are your sims? (for example: do you let them kiss before marriage, even though in-story they don't do that until the wedding? Do your sims actually have the jobs they do in the story? Et cetera.)

When you're not playing fundie sims, what kind of sims do you play?

C: Character Questions

Feel free to answer these as yourself/the narrator, or as the characters themselves! And if you're the one sending the ask, make sure to specify the sims in question, unless you want to be surprised :)

Would [Sim] say they were happy, if asked? Are they happy?

Are [Sim 1] and [Sim 2] happy in their relationship?

What are [Sim]'s personal convictions on modesty/dating/children/whatever?

What would [Sim/Family] be like if they weren't fundie?

Has [Sim] ever doubted their faith? How did they "return to God"? (Or "come to God," if they're a convert!)

What does [Sim] love and hate about their family? (Parents, siblings, children, whatever!)

If [Sim] had another career path, what would they do?

Share a few random facts about [Sim/Family] that may not come up in the story!

How would others describe [Sim]? (Feel free to specify who those "others" are!)

How would [Sim] describe themself?

Is [Sim/Family] well regarded at their church? Where do they fall in the community hierarchy?

How is [Sim/Family] doing, financially speaking? Are they content, or do they desire more?

What's the most scandalous/sinful thing [Sim] has done? Would they admit to it, if asked?

D: Community

Choose one Fundie Simblr blog that you follow, tag them, and say something nice about them or their story!

Choose a post from a Fundie Simblr blog that you enjoy, and reblog it with a comment in the tags!

What's your favorite character, storyline or moment from another Fundie Simblr?

What's something you'd love to see from the Fundie Simblr community?

Are there any non-fundie Simblr blogs that you enjoy? Feel free to recommend some!

Have you ever been inspired by another Simblr's writing? How did it go?

E: Fundie Snark

When did you first get into fundie snarking, and how?

Which is your "favorite" fundie family to keep up with, if you pay attention to real-life fundies?

What's your favorite batshit fundie moment?

Which poor fundie child are you rooting for the most?

Did you ever watch 19KAC/Counting On/Bringing Up Bates/etc?

F: About You

When did you first start playing The Sims? Which game was it?

What's one good thing that's happened to you this week?

Share a fun fact about yourself!

Have you told in-person friends or family about your fundie sims?

If you had to describe yourself with an aspiration + traits, what would they be?

If you had to choose a Sims pack that represents your personality, which one would it be?

[kitkatsgalore]

wake up! ⏰

[sleep version | awake version]

[the-agent-of-blight]

Aromanticism in Academic papers (day 1)

A few days ago, I posted wondering about aromanticism in academic research. Well after a search through google scholar and some institutional access (thank you wikipedia <2) I've found some papers. Since it's Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week this week, I'm gonna try posting about one paper I found each day this week.

So today's paper is The stability of singlehood: Limitations of the relationship status paradigm and a new theoretical framework for reimagining singlehood By Dr. Hannah Tessler (2022) [stable link]

To give a summary, this paper focuses on the idea that the general conceptualization of the term single is extremely limited within the standard definition of a person without a romantic partner. This assumes that a given person's relationship status is binary, that the individual is willing to be in a romantic partnership, that singlehood is a transitory state and not one that some people prefer to be in long term. Obviously, the implications of the term single does not accurately reflect the experiences of many people without romantic partners (like many aromantic people). The paper instead proposes a new framework for classifying singles on a graph of two axes, one for Openness to romance and one for desire for romance. This framework not only allows for the term single to encapsulate more than the normative assumption, but also shows how singlehood can be stable.

Tessler identifies seven populations of singles that subvert the standard assumption:

Singles that perfer singlehood

Aromantic and/or asexual singles

Heterosexual single women who elect to opt out of heteronormative relationships

MGTOWs and to an extent some incels

Singles committed to religion

People satisfied with single life but facing social pressure

and Single people after divorce/widowhood

The section on aromanticism itself is well written and accurate. It describes the state of many of us very well, while acknowledging that there are partnering aromantics out there. For future considerations, Tessler writes: "There is currently scant research on aromanticism, but more scholarship is necessary in order to better understand the intersections and boundaries between sex, romance, and relationships."

All in all, this paper is a wonderful insight that I hope future researchers in the area of romance take a look at and use ideas from. There's a lot of research out there on romance, but not as much on the lack of it. Tessler challenges the scientific community to help fill that gap.

[link to day 2]

[lunabug2004]

Death Witnesses Tally in Stranger Things (Party Only −El):

Things To Keep In Mind: • This will be excluding El. Honestly bc of the amount of times she is the cause of said deaths. I can try to add her later on if someone wants me to though. • I will be excluding the adults and teens, as that just seemed like too much to keep track of tbh. Maybe I'll do another one or add them later, idk. • I am not counting monster or animal deaths, only human deaths. • This is not to compare traumas. I was simply curious and wanted to share my findings. • It's very possible that I missed something somewhere. If I did, please feel free to point it out to me. • The colors of the text don't really mean anything, it was just easier for me to keep track of stuff this way. (I also just couldn't find a better format). • I am including being around a death/dead body or involved in a death (in most cases) as "witnessing" it, as even though it might not be technically true, it would still cause trauma. • I am not, however, including near-deaths, as I feel like that's a whole other thing. • I'm getting my numbers from this site. Please let me know if you think any are incorrect.

Totals (Estimated): Mike - 72 Will - 31 Lucas - 21 Dustin - 20 Erica - 6 Max - 5

↓↓↓ Detailed list after the break. ↓↓↓

S1:

Will's "Death" - even though this death isn't real, his fake body is still pulled out of the water and it's very real to the kids for a time. # of Deaths: 1 Witnesses/People Involved: Mike, Lucas, Dustin

School Chase Deaths - many people die in this scene. No one of importance to the kids (except maybe Brenner bc of his connection to El but he doesn't die anyways). # of Deaths: ~12 Witnesses/People Involved: Mike, Lucas, Dustin

El's "Death" - again, even though she didn't really die, the kids watch her disintegrate and believe it to be true for a long time. # of Deaths: 1 Witnesses/People Involved: Mike, Lucas, Dustin

S2:

Tunnels Massacre - this might be controversial but I've always believed that Will had to basically watch all the scientists in the tunnels be attacked and killed. # of Deaths: 7 Witnesses/People Involved: Will

Lab Massacre - many people die in this scene as the demodogs make their way through the lab, including Bob. # of Deaths: ~34 seen through hallways and cameras (+Bob), ~41 in total Witnesses/People Involved: Mike (and Will but he was asleep by this time)

S3:

Tased Russian - Dustin tases the Russian doctor Dr. Zharkov, believing to have killed him. # of Deaths: 1 Witnesses/People Involved: Dustin, Erica

Thrown Car - Eleven kills 4 Russian guards when she telepathically throws a car into them in Starcourt in order to keep them from finding Scoops Troop. # of Deaths: 4 Witnesses/People Involved: Dustin, Erica, Mike, Lucas, Will, Max

Billy's Sacrifice - Billy sacrifices himself to the Mindflayer (physical ver.) in order to save El. Everyone in the mall is basically forced to watch. # of Deaths: 1 Witnesses/People Involved: Max, Mike, Lucas, Will

S4:

Byers Residence Shoot-Out - During the fight, Agent Harmon, aka Unknown Hero Agent Man (UHAM), shoots and assumedly kills 4 military agents while protecting Mike, Will, and Jonathan. # of Deaths: 4 Witnesses/People Involved: Mike, Will

Unknown Hero Agent Man - Agent Harmon succumbs to his gunshot wounds in the Surfer Boy Pizza van after informing Jon, Mike, and Will of Project Nina. # of Deaths: 1 Witnesses/People Involved: Mike, Will

Nina Project Massacre - When soldiers invade Project Nina's base, there is a total of about 19, however only 11 of these deaths are seen by members of the Party as they are seen lying outside the entrance. # of Deaths: 11 Witnesses/People Involved: Mike, Will

Helicopter Crash - During her escape from the Project Nina Massacre, El is shot at by two soldiers in a helicopter. She takes it down. # of Deaths: 2 Witnesses/People Involved: Mike, Will

Dr. Martin Brenner - Brenner succumbs to his multiple gunshot wounds. Everyone watches as El says her goodbyes. # of Deaths: 1 Witnesses/People Involved: Mike, Will

Eddie Munson - Eddie sacrifices himself as a distraction for the demobats. He dies in Dustin's arms. # of Deaths: 1 Witnesses/People Involved: Dustin

Max Mayfield - Max dies after offering herself up as bait for Vecna and Jason destroying her headphones. She dies in Lucas's arms until El revives her. # of Deaths: 1 Witnesses/People Involved: Lucas, Erica

Jason Carver - Jason is ripped in half by the portal opening. Lucas is in the room, holding Max's body. # of Deaths: 1 Witnesses/People Involved: Lucas

[jennyfromthebes]

hi hello! as a live show taper, do you have an advice for where to start for someone interested in learning to tape? with the new tour announcement it seems like i'll be able to go to a bunch of shows in an area that's kinda light on tapers, so it would be really neat if i can learn enough to get some decent quality tapes from this tour, but as someone with no background in audio stuff it all seems a bit overwhelming from the outside!!

SO YOU WANT TO BE A LIVE SHOW TAPER: an overview by your favorite amateur tMG taper!

Before we start: my top resources here are the Taper's Section forum (yes, a real old-school forum!) and the taping thread in the unofficial tMG community discord server (it's an older thread, will have to scroll down to it in the tmg-forum section). I really hate to be the "join my discord server to get your answers" guy, but it's genuinely a great space to talk to some really knowledgeable regular tMG tapers and get a lot of good specific advice.

You can get really intense about taping really fast. It depends on how much time and money you're able to invest into it, and there are a million factors wrt approach, gear, investment, etc. For this post, I'm just going to do an overview of what I would recommend for a beginner-friendly setup that's not too big of an investment and is a step above a cell phone recording.

Gear: I love my PCM-A10 recorders because I can connect them to my phone and control and monitor them remotely, but the price tag isn't very beginner friendly - you'll likely find A10s going for ~$150 on eBay. Also, the ideal use case for an A10 is with external mics or to pull soundboard, not as an all-in-one to just set and forget. You'll want to look for something like a Zoom H2* or H2n, which are a smallish all-in-one recorder and can go for less than $50 on eBay if you do a little searching. (*Note: the H2 has a known issue where it stops and restarts with a small gap once it hits a limit, but you can patch that out by following this tutorial with this updated firmware link.)

Recording during the show: unless you have permission to tape, which is a whole nother can of worms, you'll have to get your recorder past security. Usually if you hide or disguise it somehow in your bag you can get away just fine. If you're in the front row for the show, you can usually discreetly prop up your recorder on the barrier or just set it somewhere that it won't move. If you can stay relatively still and not sing into it, putting it in a chest pocket on a shirt or jacket is also a good option. I always try to capture everything from the moment the lights dim, so I usually start my recording a little early and just chop off the excess at the beginning, but if you're worried about storage space or anything you can just try to be really aware and hit record as soon as the lights go down.

Processing: At a minimum, you'll need to name the file, chop it into tracks, and populate metadata. I do this in Audacity (free) and it takes less than an hour once you get a workflow down. However, you can also go crazy with processing if you want to - I do EQ and mixing in Reaper (free trial version) and audio repair and de-click in iZotope (paid software). You can do some fairly basic EQ work pretty easily in Reaper and it can make a decent difference with how the audio sounds - I typically do parallel compression and chop the low end in order to bring the vocals up a little bit and balance out any boominess. My order of operations is mixing (if applicable)/EQ > repair > tracking/metadata. I know EQ sounds complicated, but it's really just fiddling with some standard presets until you like how it sounds.

Uploading to the LMA: The Live Music Archive is specifically for decent quality lossless tapes - cell phone tapes are fine to upload to the Internet Archive as "community audio", but the LMA is supposed to be higher quality. WAV or FLAC is your lossless format, I always work with WAV throughout the whole process. There's a fairly standard convention for file naming, page info, etc that I think there's a tutorial on somewhere but I'm also happy to go into that if need be. It'll take a little bit to upload the files, so I usually just leave it running on my computer overnight. After uploading, it automatically derives the upload into different file types before it can be streamed or downloaded.

Congrats, you've done a tape! I'm happy to go into significantly more detail on any part of this, whether here or in the discord server - feel free to send further asks or drop me a DM and I'll do my best to answer, I just wanted to keep this post as a relatively high-level overview. Thanks for asking, I'm always thrilled when people express an interest in taping!

[the-nysh]

Oh Meryl.....:') This will be a longpost commentary on the events of Trimax vol5 & 6 primarily from her perspective, so let's get into it!

Alright, so remember the foreshadowing in Meryl's line about seeing Vash's 'entire enigmatic past' from Trimax vol3?!

Well in Trimax vol5 all that becomes true! When getting 'touched by an angel' directly connects her to Vash's memories through contact with his feathers, she gets a front row seat to personally SEE, feel, and experience ALL the worst pain and trauma Vash has endured over his functionally immortal lifetime of horrors!!! Bearing witness to just how heavy a burden of sorrow and torment he's suffered carried with him that she's always wondered about; now she knows the full context of everything.

From witnessing his lone struggles as a younger child first learning how to use a gun, grinding through all his bloody mistakes, losses, and failures, to the worst calamity that he, as a transformed nonhuman 'gun' himself, became capable of unleashing on the planet: the terrifying destruction of July itself.

As Vash regains his lost memories of July through a meltdown of grief, regrets and revelations of his own (how firing his power inadvertently killed everyone he knew and loved), all at once, his pain while reliving those horrors of the past resonates to become her pain. (Remember this for vol6!)

And just to grab a mic to reiterate, Meryl is only a normal human woman here, with no special powers or superhuman training to prepare her how to handle any of this! (This disaster exceeds her realm of expertise!) She’s also the only one who gets to see, understand, and resonate with the entirety of Vash’s pain and feelings on such a direct, private, and literally mind-melding intimate level of connection. (Linking the human with the inhuman/monstrous.) So of course she’s terrified! Being thrust into such an unprecedented dangerous situation, witnessing inescapable horrors beyond human comprehension, AND by getting a very real demonstration of Vash’s power (on the verge of exploding out of control) and his transformed inhumanity RIGHT UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL!  

So it’s truly a testament to her mental fortitude and resilience that she didn’t just break from the information overload or succumb to the level of despair and terror right there--no, she bravely keeps her wits about her, and despite everything she remains on Vash’s side, shooting first to defend him (aiming right for Legato using the gun she picked up from Zazie's corpse) as the one who breaks the multiple-way stalemate between all their enemies instead! GO MERYL!!!!

(It's why this moment's probably one of my top favorites in the whole manga!!! ;o;) Cause the entire time, even while under severe mental distress, crawling through the rubble with his powers and feathers surging everywhere, Vash had kept her safe and physically unharmed within his wings, and then her first action upon surfacing was to take charge to protect him in turn!! I love it; cause even during such a dire emergency and all the mental stress she's put under while in the heat of the moment, her faith and dedication (to fight without hesitation at his side) still aim true~

And even after Legato critically pushes the crisis from bad to worse, to the point Vash is provoked into almost firing his Angel Arm in feral-retaliation to stop him (holy foreshadowing of their future duel!) with Meryl literally stuck in the middle of all this chaos (while shocked, powerless, and terrified--bless her heart) as Vash struggles to regain control of himself...

(Note: even Wolfwood was blown back by the surging energy, but with Meryl literally RIGHT THERE under Vash, it's amazing she didn't get hit being that close to him.) ...she STILL doesn't run away from him once the dust settles, and is in fact the first one to approach him in concern to ask if he's ok after...

(So whew, a relieved round of applause for Meryl remaining strong in the active face of so much strife!!) The immediate aftermath of this whole experience gives her the tangible proof and perspective from Vash to understand and fear that Knives--as his twin in power but having the actual intent to destroy the world behind it, is fully capable of ending humanity's future.

Of course, the experience doesn't also leave her unscathed without any lasting mental scars to cope with...as Trimax vol6 so graciously shows us how things will always Get Worse before they can get better...

Where sure enough, she's already having difficultly sleeping with night terrors and loss of appetite--it's honestly no surprise the terrible experience has given her symptoms of ptsd she'd be made of something unbelievably superhuman if she weren't affected, and consulting with Wolfwood unfortunately doesn't offer her anything (helpful) she doesn't already know...(cause at this point, she's literally seen more of Vash, especially the amount suddenly exposed to all at once, than Wolfwood could possibly know how to advise her on. He's still struggling with plenty of his own fears vs loyalties towards Vash himself.)

Only that he stresses the importance she weighs her options now to make the decision to quit her job while she still can (a choice and the freedom to 'get out' that Wolfwood comparatively doesn't have under direct orders from Knives) to remove herself and Milly from getting further involved with Vash--specifically the life-threatening danger he poses as a living weapon (despite his best intentions and character as a person!) set to explode with the firepower to raze the world--if Meryl values her life.

But truly, how does Meryl feel about that? What does she value and care for more, that'd be most important to her--her life or her job? Is following Vash (surveilling him for 'risk management') more than just a job to her at this point? What about her feelings towards him as a person--the man she already knows, vs her need to reconcile with the truth (that he's not even human!) that she didn't know until just recently. Is the level of imminent danger and risk she's putting herself into, now that she fully understands how dire, truly worth it (for him) this time? And if she still truly cares for him, does it even matter what he is? Despite any pros or cons and conflicting feelings about it, which will ultimately remain the stronger reason compelling her choice to stay?

Whew! She has many things to evaluate and consider going forward, especially if she wants to continue at his side. (And as Wolfwood stresses, continuing puts Milly at risk too, so that's even more weight/responsibility to balance on Meryl's shoulders.) Including processing the very nature of her fears--to identify what it is that truly terrifies her (is it truly Vash or something else?) before she can hope to face or overcome them. Before this biggest hurdle tips the scales to debilitate her resolve or outright prevents her from continuing her job at all. For now, she thinks and relates back to the firepower she gained when she first fired a gun...

And ah, HERE IT IS, she recalls what's scared her the most from her own past memories: "I gained the power of death at my fingertips. It was terrifying." Cause the first time she ever shot a person and realized the weight of the power she holds, she hated it. Shocked, collapsed, paralyzed, coming undone in the streets, closing herself off from others, regretting her action terribly... It was all too much. (Sound...familiar to the guilt and regrets of someone else we know? Meryl's shooting style is also notably non-lethal...because she too doesn't like to kill! When her first time wielding 'death' with her Derringers upset her this badly that she needed to adjust to be able to continue her job that required arming herself with this type of power...)

So remember when she resonated with the pain of Vash's memories? Seeing when he first struggled learning how to use a gun too, and all the blood and loss that accompanied it? However...his experiences didn't just end there, with only his first time shooting a person.....cause the first time he shot his real power (without him knowing what would happen) he caused the destruction of an entire city, killing everyone he loved in it! He didn't just 'gain the power of death at his fingertips,' he literally BECAME it, armed with the power to end the world. Hating and regretting his action so terribly, the catastrophe traumatized him with amnesia and led to a full-blown meltdown in grief and despair once he finally remembered. With Meryl there, witnessing and feeling all of it along with him. (His pain became her pain; his trauma became hers...)

That the sheer magnitude of wielding that kind of terror, as an intrinsic, inseparable part of himself (unlike a handheld gun you can choose to put down; he can't), let alone carrying the fear of it going out of control again if he's not careful, is indescribable. And if Meryl can now understand the gravity of that in relation to her own gun experiences (when the memory of firing her Derringers was already enough crushing weight for her to fear) then as the peace-loving person she knows him to be, who's always tried his hardest not to kill anyone, the crushing multitudes she knows he must feel now upon recovering his memories filled with so much death unleashed by his own hands must be unbearable. Feeling precisely just how much MORE terrifying and overwhelming the burden must be for him. It makes her wonder HOW can he still even bring himself to pull the trigger?!

Just look at Meryl's collapsed posture, it's the same she felt in her own past experiences...only this time it's directed in relation towards him--almost expressed in his place for the crushing weight he must feel. She's outright screaming/crying/bawling for him in empathy for the pain he must feel every time he's forced to fight and shoot someone with so much baggage behind it. Oh Meryl....:') (This is probably the strongest we've seen her cry for him...and it certainly won't be the last she cries in concern to relieve the pain of his burden.)

And Meryl, watching him fight on regardless, becomes struck and speechless for another reason, as she realizes how much his incredible strength and fortitude allow him to push past his unbearable pain to continue his job: "I felt...his determination is even stronger than the regret he carries."

Which is true, for the same stronger feeling that compelled him to stop at nothing, despite being on the verge of total collapse bearing his regrets of July, when he grit and forced himself to continue on his mission to save her from the Dragon's Nest. :') This is how he does it; how he continues to fight for what's important. (And yes she was that important, as the thought of losing her like his loved ones at July, is what fueled his determination back then to keep going.)

However, the struggle is never easy, as Vash, for his own part, masked behind his new goggle-edged glasses and kind Rem-like smiles 'as usual,' has not been coping well behind closed doors at all. (That Meryl could even sense an air of unusually 'off' distant/detached/avoidant behavior from him that she asks Milly about it.) We see him immersing himself in thousands of rounds of (non-lethal) target practice til his hand bleeds, and when drilling that level of focus + exposure isn't enough to take the edge off, he visits a church during service to hear a sermon on forgiveness...only for him to deem it hopeless there's no possible release from his sins when he can't even forgive himself, and there's even evidence he'd been drinking in not-quite-so savory (healthy or responsible) ways--unsettling even Wolfwood that something's uncannily off with him. (All being different attempted coping methods to drown out and escape the pain of his past regrets, but even Vash knows it's impossible now to forget...)

So all it takes is one slip-up when he's depressed off his game for everything to tumble into a trainwreck... Where Meryl seeing him block a bullet with his powers (instead of his usual self-aware dodging?) triggers all that terror to come flooding back into a panic attack.

Where it's truly unfortunate (and oh it hurts...) as an accident, something involuntary--a messy, instinctual reaction completely beyond either of their control. Cause Meryl didn't anticipate her ptsd to manifest and incapacitate her like this! that a single flash of his feathers would remind her of Everything--of all the worst horrors those powers are capable of when unleashed, the weaponized death and terror it represents, and the very moment she felt and experienced all of it while trapped powerless and panicked to do anything... No no no, returning to that headspace is horrible; it's all still too fresh to relive and TOO MUCH trauma for a human like her to bear; she couldn't help coming undone in the streets in a far worse way than she's ever had before (and I don't blame her.)

And Vash didn't mean to publically out himself as a nonhuman 'monster' to everyone either, when tensions were already high following Knives' mass murders for them to link the same culpability towards him, while he's still struggling to get a handle on his newly awakened powers too--ohshit indeed when they suddenly manifest and the truth breaches containment freaking everybody out in a witch-hunting mob of scorn, fear, misunderstandings, and hatred. (Ouch...)

What's more, Vash probably didn't even know Meryl had seen his memories, or had been affected by his trauma to such an overwhelming degree--since the transfer happened more as an autonomous side effect of his powers activating rather than anything he purposely intended....(once again, unintended consequences beyond his control; he never meant to cause any of this harm!!) So from his perspective he probably doesn't fully understand how to interpret her distress (apart from the crowd's?!) or know what to do to help. Cause reactions from strangers are one thing to bear, but if he sees her reaction to him--and his nonhuman display, as anything like theirs...then it's so much worse cause it's Meryl, who's known and been with him since the beginning. She's someone important he cares for...and now she's hurt and visibly scared from yet again another mistake he can't undo. ohno ohno he knows he messed up...

(Plus poor Milly has no context to understand what's wrong, or why Meryl's so upset either, since she'd been knocked out during the later parts of the Dragon's Nest to know what happened. So now she's alarmed and concerned trying to process why everything's suddenly gone to shit, anchoring Meryl the best she can, while shaken by the pain and cruelty Vash endures in such a situation masked with a smile...)

Despite the stones thrown by the crowd (nooo~) Vash's first priority concern is to run straight over to check on Meryl...

*And here's where I scream bloody murder* Cause that single flinch--from reaching towards her with that arm too, probably hurts him more than any of those stones thrown at him in hatred and revulsion that he's a monster. Cause to him it probably reads as a perceived rejection from Meryl (noooo~), and the amount he's hurt from realizing he's the one who hurt her this way....ohhhhh his crushing guilt must be heart-shattering...;A;

But there's no time, as before Meryl's even ready to speak or clarify how she feels, the choice she previously had on whether she wants to leave or stay is taken from her as Vash is the one who's forced to leave her instead. :')) The only thing Vash can do is repeatedly apologize as he runs away he can't even say goodbye--Wolfwood has to say that for him...and admit to Wolfwood how much he 'really feels like crying.'

(And once again poor Milly, left with no other explanations, can only read how much his pained empty mask of a smile has broken...)

What sucks even more, is knowing how much Meryl had already empathized with his pain (she could already feel that strongly for him!) and being in no condition to explain herself or her fears to him, once her panic subsides, she's bound to feel that much more terrible with guilt from realizing how her reaction (especially her flinch) had unintentionally hurt and pushed him away....leading towards a bad result she simply couldn't help and had no power to change...what a disaster.

But is someone as usually brave and tenacious like Meryl going to let that be the end of it? Broken on a disastrous parting and painful misunderstanding (she never meant to 'reject' him!!!) she literally had no say over? What of her brand of determination--especially towards what she feels (and decides) is most important, becoming stronger than the pain and regrets she carries? (Just like Vash! Can she find it within her to continue, or start over, inspired just as he does?)

Her struggle now becomes finding that strength (even a driving belief) to tentatively (re)build that trust and acceptance between them towards recovery. To endure, fight, and conquer those horrors to bridge (reconnect) the gap between the human and monstrous that separates them. (Especially if she truly cares and wants to do it--for the sake of what Matters, for what'll make the effort Worth it.) It'll be huge and seemingly insurmountable for any other person bearing the same strife she carries, but you can do it Meryl, I believe in you~~

[ai-the-broccoli]

lawlight, told through taylor swift songs: a non-exhaustive list

no really, why do so many taylor swift songs fit Death Note (and sometimes especially Light and lawlight) so perfectly?

many others have already made pretty good posts on this topic before, but the parallels are truly kinda crazy, so here's my take on it. the rankings within each tier are not super fixed or meaningful, like honestly everything within each tier is pretty much the same degree of fitting to me.

(yes, I double-checked basically her entire discography for this. no, I still don't think this is a fully comprehensive list.)

Tier S - every single line is a fit

1. my tears ricochet (<- category C: "I Knew You'd Miss Me Once The Thrill Expired")

post L's death lawlight, from L's perspective: the song. nearly every line fits what the hell man. one of my favourites here

-> Full Lyrics

2. hoax (<- category C: "I Knew You'd Miss Me Once The Thrill Expired")

@kiyomitakada pointed this out and... yeah, every single line does fit! it's very lawlight from Light's perspective.

-> Full Lyrics

Tier A - the whole song fits well

3. Blank Space (<- category A: "Let the Games Begin")

we probably all know this one lol. while the idea that it was actually written as inspired by DN is a myth, it very much does fit.

-> Full Lyrics

and GOD did the MV imagery not help. like, I mean...

the MV uses a colour scheme of red/blue/black/white/green-ish, I think, which doesn't NOT look like the first OP of Death Note anime to say the least.

apple imagery. yeah. the above is literally something Light does in said OP. both song videos have close-up shot of biting a very red apple.

the character Taylor Swift plays in this video (who is supposed to be a satirical caricature based on media perception of her as a crazy obsessive jealous 'serial dater' women iirc) is depicted doing a lot of voodoo to torture her lover.

in one scene she seems to be in a great and dramatic frenzy with mixed emotions (sadness, desperation, manic, anger, hate, etc.) over the boyfriend character's... unconscious body? I'm not super sure if it's supposed to be unconscious. but it's like this:

and then after a while of this, we see a shot of her sneakily winking at the camera. but anyway so yeah this entire part weirdly actually reminded me of L's death scene for some reason lol

at the end of the MV there's a short B-T-S trivia clip. there's a freaking black notebook there:

it's titled "My True Loves" and the content has nothing to do with lawlight, because it just contains pictures of her cats... is what I'd say, but actually, if you stretch it a bit, there's a comparison to be made about the fact that J-Drama Light Yagami's actor is a cat lover who actually has a cat named L

anyway this isn't exactly a T-pose but it's not too far from one either

I think I've made my point.

4. Getaway Car (<- category B: ''Now This is An Open/Shut Case")

this is very the end of the Yotsuba arc to me, specifically from while they are catching Higuchi to after they catch him and Light regains his memories. man...

-> Full Lyrics

Tier B - largely/mostly fitting

category A: "Let the Games Begin"

the mind games begin.

1. Ready For It

Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him Wondered how many girls he had loved and left haunted But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom Holdin' him for ransom, some Some boys are tryin' too hard, he don't try at all though Younger than my exes, but he act like such a man, so I see nothing better, I keep him forever Like a vendetta-ta

and

Knew I was a robber first time that he saw me Stealing hearts and running off and never sayin' sorry But if I'm a thief, then he can join the heist, and We'll move to an island, and And he can be my jailer, Burton to this Taylor Every love I've known in comparison is a failure I forget their names now, I'm so very tame now Never be the same now, now

+ the repetition of "Let the games begin". pretty self-explanatory

2. LWYMMD

I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

...and more. also you know how she T-poses at the end of the bridge in the MV, as she stands over many many other past version of herself?

very lightcore pose. (and this isn't even to mention how she kicks off other, "weaker" versions of herself off the giant T in the same scene, which is... arguably also a symbolic parallel to when Light screams in the helicopter as he regains his memory, if you see it that way.)

3. cowboy like me

And the tennis court was covered up With some tent-like thing And you asked me to dance But I said, "Dancin' is a dangerous game."

Oh, I thought This is gonna be one of those things Now I know I'm never gonna love again

I've got some tricks up my sleeve Takes one to know one You're a cowboy like me

this one even has the freaking tennis mention of all things it could've included

4. Mastermind

So I told you none of it was accidental And the first night that you saw me, nothing was gonna stop me I laid the groundwork and then saw a wide smirk On your face, you knew the entire time You knew that I'm a mastermind And now you're mine Yeah, all you did was smile 'Cause I'm a mastermind

honestly though, this one is more like the perfect Kaguya-sama Love is War Kaguya/Miyuki song. every single line fits them perfectly. but since lawlight also do mind games and all, the song also can be seen through a lawlight lens, although I maintain that it is still the perfect kaguprez song instead of a fully lawlight one.

5. Suburban Legends

I had the fantasy that maybe our mismatched star signs Would surprise the whole school When I ended up back at our class reunion Walking in with you You'd be more than a chapter in my old diaries With the pages ripped out I am standing in a 1950s gymnasium And I can still see you now

I didn't come here to make friends We were born to be suburban legends When you hold me, it holds me together And you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever

I know that you still remember We were born to be national treasures When you told me we'd get back together And you kissed me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever

idk the vibes here kind of make me think of the entrance ceremony scene lol

category B: ''Now This is An Open/Shut Case"

the Kira investigation.

1. I Can See You

I can see you in your suit and your necktie Passed me a note saying, "Meet me tonight" Then we kissed and you know I won't ever tell, yeah And I could see you being my addiction You can see me as a secret mission Hide away and I will start behaving myself

the MV is important context here again, because actually, the official video for this love song depicts one person watching/"seeing" another person through - guess what - surveillance cameras. in reference to the title which is also a line repeated in the chorus. so that explains it I think. also it's implied to be about a workplace relationship

2. I Think He Knows

He got that boyish look that I like in a man I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans It's like I'm 17, nobody understands No one understands

[...]

He got that boyish look that I like in a man I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans He's so obsessed with me and, boy, I understand Boy, I understand

Light's pov. the title line "I think he knows" keeps getting repeated in the song which if you view it through a lawlight lens that might be about Kira lol

3. willow

Now this is an open/shut case I guess I should've known from the look on your face Every bait-and-switch was a work of art

The more that you say, the less I know Wherever you stray, I follow I'm begging for you to take my hand Wreck my plans, that's my man You know that my train could take you home Anywhere else is hollow I'm begging for you to take my hand Wreck my plans, that's my man

L pov-ish.

4. The Tortured Poets Department

You're in self-sabotage mode, throwing spikes down on the road But I've seen this episode and still loved the show Who else decodes you?

And who's gonna hold you like me? And who's gonna know you, if not me?

and also:

Everyone we know understands why it's meant to be 'Cause we're crazy So tell me Who else is gonna know me?

...as well as more lines in the song that expresses the same sentiments, like: Who's gonna hold you? Gonna know you? Gonna troll you?

in any case, "who else decodes you?" is definitely a lawlight thesis. imo. in fact I may have even actually started an essay on it in fic format with that thesis. or not? who knows! maybe one day you'll see...

anyway, this song is post-Yotsuba arc-ish to me, sort of.

category C: "I Knew You'd Miss Me Once The Thrill Expired"

L's death and Light's grieving, eventually.

5. Haunted

from Light's pov, especially in anime canon probably.

12. My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys

My boy only breaks his favorite toys, toys, oh I'm queen of sand castles he destroys, oh, oh 'Cause it fit too right Puzzle pieces in the dead of night I should've known it was a matter of time Oh, oh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys, oh, oh-oh-oh

[...]

My boy only breaks his favorite toys, toys, oh I'm queen of sand castles he destroys, oh, oh 'Cause I knew too much There was danger in the heat of my touch He saw forever so he smashed it up Oh, oh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys, oh, oh-oh-oh

which is quite fitting. moreover, there's this...

He was my best friend Down at the sandlot I felt more when we played pretend Than with all the Kens

...as well as the the original version below:

He was my best friend and that was the worst part I felt more then, in brief moments Than with all the Kens

L's pov. the "Kens" mention here is kinda like Light apparently having like 6 girlfriends in college and not caring about any of them despite being significantly bad at getting over L etc etc I think

8. Hits Different

I actually didn't think of this song in association with lawlight at all before I saw @selfdigestion bringing up the connection, and.... YEAH this is pretty lawlight-coded as well

I trace the evidence, make it make some sense Why the wound is still bleedin' You were the one that I loved Don't need another metaphor, it's simple enough A wrinkle in time like the crease by your eyes This is why they shouldn't kill off the main guy Dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief In the good in the world, you once believed in me And I felt you and I held you for a while Bet I could still melt your world Argumentative, antithetical dream girl

and also:

I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost Rip the band-aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw Freedom felt like summer then on the coast Now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings

which is what the song is overall about. (there sure are a lot of Light pov songs in this category man)

and on the topic of "Kens", as it is with the previous time song, in Light's case it makes me again think of all his college girlfriends that he doesn't care about. I'm not going to comment too much on the gender-reverse implications this has for the narrator "I" in the song, but I would think that the original lyrics "bet I could still melt your world / argumentative, antithetical dream girl" with echoing repetitions on the phrase "dream girl" should've already done it for me. anyway. moving on.

10. Would've, Could've, Should've

If you never touched me I would've Gone along with the righteous If I never blushed then they could've Never whispered about this And if you never saved me from boredom I could've gone on as I was

[...]

God rest my soul I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close Stained glass windows in my mind I regret you all the time I can't let this go I fight with you in my sleep The wound won't close I keep on waiting for a sign I regret you all the time

I don't know how to explain this one, but it's... something. I think it only makes more sense as a lawlight song if you want to place emphasis on the age/maturity difference angle, although even without that it would still partly fit.

17. Guilty as Sin?

My boredom's bone-deep This cage was once just fine Am I allowed to cry?

I dream of cracking locks Throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks Crashing into him tonight, he's a paradox I'm seeing visions, am I bad? Or mad? Or wise?

This, plus the fact that it uses similar imagery (dying in a hedge maze, crashing over graves, etc.) as Saltburn (2023), which... has that infamous grave scene that reminded every Death Note fan watching it of Light Yagami on L's grave.

13. cardigan

A friend to all is a friend to none Chase two girls, lose the one When you are young, they assume you know nothing

[...]

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs The smell of smoke would hang around this long 'Cause I knew everything when I was young I knew I'd curse you for the longest time Chasing shadows in the grocery line I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired And you'd be standing in my front porch light And I knew you'd come back to me You'd come back to me And you'd come back to me And you'd come back

yet another post-L's death lawlight song, this time with L+Light switching povs. with the final line I think of the anime scene when Light sees a vision/ghost/whatever it is of L on the stairs:

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed You put me on and said I was your favorite

Tier D - honourable mentions

The Prophecy

I got cursed like Eve got bitten Oh, was it punishment?

lightcoreTM

False God

self-explanatory title

You Are In Love

You kiss on sidewalks, you fight then you talk One night, he wakes, strange look on his face Pauses, then says, "You're my best friend" And you knew what it was, he is in love

Mr. Perfectly Fine

So dignified in your well-pressed suit So strategized, all the eyes on you Sashay away to your seat It's the best seat, in the best room Oh, he's so smug, Mr. "Always wins" So far above me in every sense So far above feeling anything

lightcore #2

You're Losing Me

doesn't fit that well lyric-wise, but it sure has got a heartbeat sound effect (sampled with her own I believe) in it referencing the stopping of a heart that sounds a lot like the one used to signal cardiac arrest in Death Note anime.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Were you sent by someone Who wanted me dead? Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? Were you writing a book? Were you a sleeper cell spy? In fifty years will all this be declassified? And you'll confess why you did it And I'll say, "Good riddance" 'Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden I would've died for your sins Instead I just died inside And you deserve prison, but you won't get time You'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bars You crashed my party and your rental car You said normal girls were "boring" But you were gone by the morning You kicked out the stage lights, but you're still performing And in plain sight you hid But you are what you did And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive The smallest man who ever lived

lightcore #3

Anti-Hero

I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

lightcore #4

Clara Bow

"The crown is stained, but you're the real queen Flesh and blood amongst war machines You're the new God we're worshipping Promise to be dazzling"

there is a joke I can make here about how "dazzling" is "kira-kira" in Japanese

lightcore #5

(man that's a lot of lightcore songs)

Other songs

...that grieve the loss of a lover,

or mentions a lover being a friend/not a friend;

songs with ghost/death/grave/tomb/cemetery imagery,

songs where the self or the lover is compared to God or a god,

songs that mention a difference in age or has the lover looking down on the narrator's maturity (e.g. illicit affairs, All Too Well),

songs where love is characterized as a game of cat and mouse;

and so on.

taylor swift seems to write about those motifs a lot, so there really are a lot of other examples to pull.

and that concludes my list, I think. there may actually be even more comparisons if you look into her album liner notes and such, but this is what I've got for now

[stunie]

it’s soooo criminal that we are online friends bc i saw SO many of your faves at the mall today >: