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fluffs-place · 23 days ago

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I wanna do this with stached cowboy

Cassidy McCoy

1, What was the original thought that led to the creation of this character?

My husband has a character he loves for rdo, Makwa. We started talking about him one day and somehow decided to start roleplaying. So I made Cassidy as a partner for him

2. How long was the process before the character reached its final version? (or a version that would be clearly recognizable as the character?)

He's still techinally a work in progress but he has most his backstory, character traits, and personality. I just dont have his cowboy design. He has his army fit and his face and hair and stuff like that is done. His now cleary recognizable version was first made on 8/27/24 and his doodle sheet was finished on 9/23/24. So bout a month later. Im also still working on getting his shire/cob mix drawn with his new pattern marking. I used a f2u base but the stature isnt the same so i need to now translate it onto his actual body.

3. What was the first thing you decided on, the character's name, appearance, personality or their role in the story?

So it went kinda backwards from how theyre listed. His role came first since Lamb and I decided to make him Makwa's boyfriend. Then came his personality which plays off Makwa a good bit. Then his design and finally his name.

4. And reverse, which one of the four things did you struggle with the most?

His design. His clothes have been very difficult. His army fit not so much since I can just look at historical uniforms but his cowboy fits been a whole lot harder. I still dont have his cowboy fit cause i cant figure out what kind of silhouette I want for him and the extra details. I want him to look unique and not boring. A lot of cowboy designs just feel really lacking on details. So idk

5. How did you choose their name and why? Was it simply based on vibes or is there any specific meaning behind the name? Are the reasons behind their name different in- and out of universe?

So his name means White Fire Fire. I thought that was hella funny so I chose to use both of those. Hes also a pyromaniac so yknow. I also wanted to make sure he had an Irish last name since his mothers 1st gen Irish immigrant (so shes irish herself) and his dads 2nd gen (so his parents were irish). I just looked around in name lists. I think I specifically looked for male names popular in the year he was born. So like 1850 sumn I think. I have it in my notes somewhere lol

6. What was the thought process behind their appearance? Did you go mostly for the aesthetic or are there other reasons they look the way they do?

Honestly it just kinda immediately was in my head. I was thinking of that one guy in Captain America: The First Avenger. The ginger guy in Steve and Buckys team with the stache. He was my first thought but I wanted Cassidy to look more unhinged which made me then think of Charles Manson and his eyes. Also with some color palette changes. Speaking of which his colors are mostly in the red to yellow range with blue because of fire :)

7. What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?

His stache. I dont draw a lot of facial hair and it just is him. It makes him so noticable. Its either that or his eyes. I like the shape and his crazed expression or yknow the opposite when he gets angry and the tops of his eyelids actually touch his iris.

8. What is the origin of their personality? And let's be honest - how much of it is projecting?

He does have some projection but lets be honest again all my characters will have projection. Whether I know or not i just dont know how to make characters without some degree of it. I only know myself completely like that so ofc in creating a whole new person im gonna use myself as reference. Any mini ramble over, he got my pyromania cranked up to 11. Like hes actually an arsonist, I am not. I just like watching fire and watching stuff burn. Idk where the rest of his personality really came from though. Just me brainstorming and givin him stuff.

9. How big is their role in the story? Do they make a frequent appearance or are they a character with little "screentime" but big influence? Or are they just a favourite background guy?

Seeing as its roleplay centered on him and makwas story id say pretty massive lol. I love him but I think lamb and I both kind of see it as Makwa being the main character while Cassidy is his supporting character

10. What is their main character arc in the story? Where do they start and how do they develop? Do they get a happy ending or is their story a tragic one?

Honestly? Hes not a good guy. He never gets redemption. He is intrinsically bad. He kills for the fun of it. He quite literally will kill you (general) if youre too boring and dont bring him entertainment or if your death would bring him entertainment. His main motivators are protecting Makwa and having fun. The most "development" he has is basically developing a set of morals which is just not doing stuff Makwa doesnt like. As for an ending he doesnt really have one yet. We dont know where thats going but we have a few general plot points that are in a timeline.

11. Is there any existing character from other media that your character resembles? Was the resemblance intentional or was it a coincidence?

Without his stache, he honestly looks like Julian Devorak to me. Idk if theres any others tho personality or looks wise.

12. Do you have a playlist for the character? What songs do you associate with them and why?

I do!! Lambs helping me build it but mostly its built off vibes. Anything slightly unsettling or creepy while upbeat. Theres also a ship playlist but its only got like 4 songs rn and that ones Lambs

13. Do you have a voice claim for the character? What do you imagine the character sounds like?

I dont yet. At first I was thinking like southern American accent with notes of Irish but I couldnt find any references to that. So now Im just thinking southern cowboy with some words said with the pronouncation of brit english. Seeing as his father has the southern accent since hes usa raised and his mother died when he was a young kid, he doesnt have a lot of the Irish accent influence anyway.

14. Do you have any quotes tied to the character, either from the story itself or from another source that fit them?

I have some from roleplay but not really. Heres a few from rp i like ig: "Got teeth like the god damn hounds. If your name aint Dog already, it should be." (after Makwa bit him on the hand during their first meeting) Makwa: "...you have to bite the hand that feeds you." Cassidy: "I didn't feed you shit, mutt." "No plan makes a dead man."

15. Have you ever made a moodboard for them?

Hub and I have a Pinterest board for the both of them. It's called Blazen Arrow which is their ship name.

16. Is there any memes or running jokes associated with the character, both in- and out of universe?

in universe, he gets the outlaw name "Fire Boy McCoy" and he absolutely hates it. I cant think any others right now.

17. Are there any motifs or symbols associated with the character? How are they represented, in their design, personality or in some other way?

Fire. Lots of fire.

18. Does the character have other characters connected to them? Do you have a family tree and "offscreen" connections made up for them or do they exist in a vacuum purely for the purpose of the story?

He does have a family which consisted of him late father, late mother, and older sister (and the inlaws and nieces and nephews). Then yknow Makwa. And his horse and cat. Theres a few others but those are the important ones.

19. What is your general favourite thing about the character? What is your least favourite?

Idk. I just love all of him. Him being completely unhinged probably if i had to pick.

20. Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favourite scenes, anything you've been waiting for a chance to ramble about.

this has taken me so long and now my brain is fried so i cant think of anything BUT if anyone wants to ask questions about him feel free.

Character asks!

These are more focused on the background stuff rather than the usual "what would the character do in XY situation" kinds of asks. I've been looking for something like this for quite a while and in the end decided to make my own. Feel free to use, go wild, enjoy

What was the original thought that led to the creation of this character?

How long was the process before the character reached its final version? (or a version that would be clearly recognizable as the character?)

What was the first thing you decided on, the character's name, appearance, personality or their role in the story?

And reverse, which one of the four things did you struggle with the most?

How did you choose their name and why? Was it simply based on vibes or is there any specific meaning behind the name? Are the reasons behind their name different in- and out of universe?

What was the thought process behind their appearance? Did you go mostly for the aesthetic or are there other reasons they look the way they do?

What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?

What is the origin of their personality? And let's be honest - how much of it is projecting?

How big is their role in the story? Do they make a frequent appearance or are they a character with little "screentime" but big influence? Or are they just a favourite background guy?

What is their main character arc in the story? Where do they start and how do they develop? Do they get a happy ending or is their story a tragic one?

Is there any existing character from other media that your character resembles? Was the resemblance intentional or was it a coincidence?

Do you have a playlist for the character? What songs do you associate with them and why?

Do you have a voice claim for the character? What do you imagine the character sounds like?

Do you have any quotes tied to the character, either from the story itself or from another source that fit them?

Have you ever made a moodboard for them?

Is there any memes or running jokes associated with the character, both in- and out of universe?

Are there any motifs or symbols associated with the character? How are they represented, in their design, personality or in some other way?

Does the character have other characters connected to them? Do you have a family tree and "offscreen" connections made up for them or do they exist in a vacuum purely for the purpose of the story?

What is your general favourite thing about the character? What is your least favourite?

Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favourite scenes, anything you've been waiting for a chance to ramble about

#cassidy mccoy #cowboy #original character

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writing-in-april · 4 years ago

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Poker Face

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: Reader thought she could get away with speaking her desires out loud as long as they were in a different language. Turns out, someone could understand her.

A/N: Hey guys! This is my fourth fic for my 1250 follower celebration!! I got this request from @imagining-in-the-margins and if you want to see the original request go checkout my follower celebration Masterlist! I do not speak Russian, nor do I know someone who does so I made everything in italics as if they were speaking in Russian! Hope y’all enjoy reading and requests are open!

Warnings: 18+, Public sex (who’s surprised lmao), Reader is very unprofessional and probably should be fired lmao, Dom Spencer with hints of Sub Spencer in the future (dont worry all my Sub Spencer lovers I’ve got more coming for that soon!), Nickname use: Princess, Unprotected sex, Fingering, Oral sex (M receiving),Creampie

Main Masterlist Word Count: 2.1k

Words in italics are in Russian

There was no harm in voicing my thoughts I thought to myself, in a different language, Russian specifically. Especially since the only one that could understand me wasn’t near me at the moment nor would she probably bat an eye at a slightly risqué remark. Emily was snuggled up at the other end of the jet, her headphones in both of her ears. They would plug up any sound around her preventing her from translating the lusty thought that sat on my lips.

If I said my thoughts in Russian, no one would be able to catch how much I wanted Spencer’s fingers inside me. They were long, obviously dexterous- I knew they’d be able to reach places inside me that I couldn’t reach myself. I couldn’t say these thoughts out loud, in English at least,

I didn’t want Spencer to ever know. But, I wanted to get the thoughts swirling in my head off my chest, the only way to do that without embarrassment was to say it in a way that no one here would be able to understand.

As Spencer shuffled with ease and delt the cards out with his dexterous fingers my lusty thoughts were too pressing for my lips to be able to contain. So I spoke quickly with my voice slightly lowered, maybe Spencer and the people around me would miss my transition into a different language, “I wished you would use those fingers on me instead, preferably inside of me.”

Spencer blinked back at me, obviously confused by my words.

“Sorry, just spaced out for a second, didn’t realize I had switched to Russian.” I giggled out, mostly because I was amazed that I had gotten away with it. I moved on quickly not wanting to linger on my ‘slip up’ any longer, plus I finally wanted to try and play against Spencer in a poker game, “Let’s see if your poker face is as good as everyone says it is, Spencer.”

—-

“Please, fuck me?” Over the course of my daring adventures I had become increasingly louder with my declarations. Last week I had commented about how much I wanted his cock in my mouth, of course in Russian and the week before that I had made my initial comment about how much I wanted his fingers inside me.

This one happened to be the loudest out of the three little sentences that seemed like innocent slips into another language to everyone else, but to me and only to me I was voicing my desires. Each time I did it a little rush of adrenaline sparked through me, no one besides Emily would be able to translate, who wasn’t with me in the file room. It was only Spencer and I in here right now, the rest of the team had gone home for the night.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do that at the office, but if you asked me again somewhere else I’d do it.” He answered me back and in perfect Russian as well.

My entire being withered in embarrassment as soon as I had translated Spencer’s words, he understood me. He had understood all of what I had said, every last word. I should’ve remembered that he spoke Russian, we had a case where he spent the whole time translating, I couldn’t believe how idiotic I had been. I wanted the earth to swallow me up in that moment, just so I could escape Spencer’s piercing gaze. I couldn’t tell from his words or the look on his face what exactly he was feeling about my words, some profiler I was. He didn’t seem angry at least, maybe a bit bemused?

I shrank back a little more over fear if he was making fun of me or not. If I hadn’t been feeling so mortified I would’ve realized that Spencer wasn’t one to make fun of anyone, hindsight is 20/20 after all.

“Your poker face is spot on.” Was the only measly response that I could find myself to come up with, in an attempt to cover my embarrassment if only a little bit. A bunch of apologies also felt like they were crawling up my throat. I was absolutely mortified that I had been caught red handed, it was beyond unprofessional- I don’t think there was even a word for it. I had crossed the line so far I might as well have leaped over it, forgetting that it had ever existed.

“Well- I am from Vegas and before you start apologizing, you don’t need to. I liked it.”

Silence fell between us again after his smart remark. It was like we were sizing each other up, deciding what to do.

“You know- there’s no one here tonight, everyone’s gone home…” My confidence seemingly had come back after being knocked down a few pegs. I tapped my fingers absentmindedly on the large desk in the file room, my mind wandering to think about what it would be like if he bent me over it.

“That’s true.” A smirk was on his face now, one that I didn’t see often from him. I felt like I was going to be ensnared by him as soon as I took the time to blink.

Sure enough in a flash he had brought me into a bruising kiss that I got swallowed up by so fast there was no chance for me to try and win back any dominance.

In no time he had me bent over the table, my face pressed into the cool silver metal with my back arching up trying to reach his touch in any way I could. He gripped the waistband of my skirt roughly, but did not pull it down right away. He pulled my skirt down ever so slowly that by the time it reached the floor I impatiently wiggled to step out of it.

“You’re impatient.” He stated simply. I couldn’t deny it because of how true it was, all he’d have to do was pull my black lace panties off to see how wet I had become.

Instead I decided to lean in on how needy and impatient I was by whining out, “Spencerrr, please?”

“What do you want? Is it the same thing you said to me on the plane?” He pressed a kiss to my hip as he pulled down my panties just as slowly as he had done with my skirt, making me squirm again. Once I was bare from the waist down before him he paused for a moment to look at me; I withered a little under his gaze. I whined again when he carefully took his long fingers to just slightly part my folds before speaking again, “Tell me.”

I hesitated a little for a moment trying to focus to remember exactly what I had said on the plane. When I had collected my thoughts I whispered out in Russian, much more shaky than I had said on the plane, “I wished you would use those fingers on me instead, preferably inside of me.”

He was seemingly satisfied by my breathless reply, immediately beginning to work me up to orgasm. As he started to work his fingers inside of me he pressed his other hand down on the small of my back, a silent warning to not move.

I contemplated disobeying him, but when two of his fingers curled inside me to perfectly hit my g-spot it felt too good to lose.

“You gonna cum so quick for me, princess?” I got even wetter when he said princess like that, in Russian made me get even wetter than I already was. I was practically dripping down my thighs- and Spencer’s fingers.

“Yes! I’m gonna cum soon!” I gasped out and tried in vain to wriggle my hips to gain more friction, his hand on my back however was unyielding.

“Ask nicely and I might let you.”

“Please?!” I even asked it in Russian to make the plea possibly better in Spencer’s eyes. He didn’t respond right away, only picking up his pace faster. I tried to hold off my orgasm as best as I could, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I was going to be able to hold it. “Please, sir?”

“Alright, since you asked so nicely. You can cum, princess.”

I gave up the fight of holding off my orgasm, it immediately washed over me. My legs shook with the force of how hard and fast my orgasm shot through me, causing me to cry out as well.

Once I had come down from my high I slid off the table and down to my knees to repeat what I had said while at the round table a week ago “I want your cock in my mouth.”

He looked at me with wild eyes and obliged me, letting his cock free from his slacks. My mouth watered at the sight of him, his tip was bright red and dripping with precum. He had obviously not been the only one to be turned on.

As I grasped him in my hands and jerked him slowly I relished in the way he felt in my hand. He felt hot and heavy, I couldn’t wait to take him into my mouth.

I wrapped my lips around his tip, sucking lightly. Spencer’s head tipped backwards, his hands curled into fists as if he was trying to prevent himself from grabbing my hair to fuck my face. Little did he know that was exactly what I wanted.

When I guided one of his hands to the back of my hair to reassure him that I didn’t mind if he took control that way he almost let out a groan, but successfully stifled it by biting into his other fist. He then fisted my hair harder, wrapping his hand around so tight that tears prickled a bit in my eyes. It wasn’t a bad feeling at all, I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it even more when he started to use his hand to guide my head up and down. He set the pace to the one he desired. It wasn’t too fast or hard, it was actually quite slow. He dragged out each of my movements and when my nose nuzzled at the base of his cock he had me stay there for a moment each time. Each time I gagged a little on him he let out an almost whine, it made me wonder whether or not he’d look good underneath me as well. Though I was thoroughly content with being underneath him at this time.

Even though I had already had one orgasm the tingling between my thighs was not satiated, looking up at Spencer’s blissed out face only served to make me even more turned on.

“Stop.” I blinked up at him like he had done so at me on the jet, confused. I pulled off of his cock, a slight pop echoed in the air. He then lifted me up onto the table with my legs wrapped around his waist before I could ask him why he wanted for me to stop.

“Now what was that last thing you said to me? I want you to ask me again. ” His cock was running up and down my folds teasing me. My head fell back and I moaned when he bumped my clit.

“Please, fuck me?” My breathless voice sounded wrecked already.

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” As he slid into me my eyes rolled back into my head as he slid into me. His pace was faster this time than what he had done while fucking my face. I was squirming with overstimulation and my orgasm was going to come ridiculously fast. Spencer could sense it too and brought his hand down to my clit to bring me over my peak even faster.

“You can cum again, princess.” My second orgasm was much longer than my first. It sparked through me slowly, almost in waves that felt like they had multiple peaks.

He too, was not that far behind me. When he tried to pull out to probably cum all over the tops of my thighs I kept him locked in place with my legs around my waist and asked, “Cum inside me?”

He obliged me with a groan pumping into me a few more times before spilling inside me. We were both slick with sweat, making me wish for a shower. As soon as I got cleaned up that would be the first thing I’d be doing when I bolted home. Maybe I could bring Spencer along for another round, I could hear him speak Russian to me all day.

“I’ll go get something to clean you up.” He spoke softly as if he was afraid I’d break, you’d think after the way he had fucked me that he’d realized I was not so breakable. I’d have to fix that later. As I sat there with his cum dribbling down my thighs waiting for him to return , mixing with my own I knew that I’d never underestimate Spencer’s poker face again.

—-

Tag list (message me if you want to be added):

All works:

@shotarosleftpinky @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @s1utformgg

Spencer Reid/CM:

@calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes

Dom Spencer:

@rainsong01

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #matthew gray gubler x reader #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #matthew gray gubler #1250 follower celebration #1250 followers

492 notes · View notes

izzyliker · 4 years ago

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hey - this is one of the mods of the bi jon project. we don't actually dislike or disagree with pan jon at all, we just want to make a project focused on and celebrating bisexuality. our carrd is a bit rambling, but frankly we were trying our best/overcompensating to try and make sure people didn't misunderstand us and do - well, this. our intentions are good, and it's really kind of disenheartening to see all the hate we've gotten for what was meant to be a positive project. (1)

you're under no obligation to answer these, but i saw some of your posts in the tag and felt like reaching out because you did give us even the tiniest bit of slack in good faith. honestly, if you have any advice about what in our carrd is so overwhelmingly bad, we'd be happy to hear it. we've been trying to respond to the overwhelming amount of criticism we've got in a positive way, and take peoples' suggestions. (2)

as for why 'no anti-antis' was at the bottom of our rules list, it's legitimately bc we were trying so hard to be preventative about this negativity that we forgot to add it when we first posted the blog, and just remembered later. again, you're under no obligation to answer these, i just feel like no one's really actually letting us defend ourselves/are taking things in as bad faith a way as possible. (3)

im not exactly sure how the posts showed up in the tag bc ive been very purposefully not tagging them, also ive blocked all of you back (not sure why you blocked me if you actually want feedback, so it seems more like you just want free positive pr and not actual feedback) so its unlikely youll see whatever it is that i reply to this but whatever.

the issues have all been repeatedly brought up to you so i dont really see how me repeating all of them once again could help. when i last looked at the cardd the things that stood out immediately included.

pitting ace & bi identities and people against each other REPEATEDLY,

starting off with a guilt trippy tone and maintaining it throughout (in my experience this is the #1 best way to receive backlash because people do not want to participate in events where you feel like youre being guilted into it, which going into scrutinizing detail over there not being enough content and passing judgement onto authors or artists over it is something that comes across as guilt trippy.),

repeatedly equating asexuality with sex repulsion (not to get into the misleading information about modteam aspec identity breakdowns, since you claimed that 3/4 of the team are aspec, which is technically correct, but what you didnt say was that only one is acespec. surely you know that [allosexual] aro and [alloromantic] ace are not interchangeable) and calling using biromantic over bisexual a “misunderstanding” of the identity as if how to define romantic vs sexual attraction (how to divide, if or if not to divide, use interchangeably different labels) isnt a deeply personal choice ace people who experience romantic attraction make,

claiming that bisexual jon is canon (he isn’t. this is why people are suspicious of anti-other mspec identities sentiments. which theyre right, if youll be so kind as to stick around til the last paragraph) and repeatedly implying that the reason there isnt “enough” content centering bi jon because the aces are simply unable to not fixate on his asexuality (again, pitting identities against each other),

making the banned ship list way needlessly confusing and including ships that dont even include jon to it, which simply comes across as some kind of a list of bad ships, idk. a way to bypass this would simply be to say “we are looking for portrayals of healthy relationships!” and that couldve just been it. if you felt that that wouldnt exclude specific ships (eg. jondaisy that a lot of people write as a relationship between trauma survivors who have done very bad things trying to get better and learning to trust each other) it is possible to simply say “the modteam is squicked[/triggered] by ships with daisy/elias/peter and we’d like to read all of the works submitted so we’re asking not to receive submissions with those ships.” hating ships is literally completely normal but making rules hard to parse is going to attract questions, especially when the implication is that ships are excluded on the grounds of morality, and a blatant power difference ship (jonelias) is equated with jondaisy, which is from what ive seen almost exclusively shown to be a relationship between equals. that makes people EXTREMELY confused about where the line is. thats why youre getting so many questions about this.

in general the carrd was spotty, guilt trippy, and needlessly moralizing where it definitely did not need to be. the key to getting people to engage without getting backlash is to make the event seem fun. when your carrd is filled with stuff about unrelated negative stuff people are not going to think it’s a fun event at all.

and none of this even gets into the fact that at least one of the mods has a history of open hostility against pan people. i heard through the grapevine that he has since made a fauxpology about it, but frankly it already shone through in the language used in the event descriptions. its extremely hard to take any of this is good faith when it is easy to see that one of the organizers is quite fucking clear about thinking pansexuality is biphobic and the carrd is or at least used to be full of anti-pan (and other mspec identity) dogwhistles, and is notorious in some of the tma fic author circles for being extremely fucking nasty about trans men writing fic he doesn’t like to the point of pretending that we’re all cis people (in case youre not keeping track that is misgendering us by implication) because he doesn’t like it. i think some of you (or maybe all of you? idk) in general could stand to examine whether your engagements and participations in the fandom have been at all about having fun or adding positivity to anything, or simply making posts about what other people are doing wrong. it seems that every post i see from anyone in this group is guilt trippy and authoritative, and sadly this translated directly into the event.

when youre, say, a trans man whose first touch to one of the mods was a post about how fic where trans men have piv sex with cis men is hurting him personally and making it a moral issue and not a matter of a simple preference to the point where he feels comfortable making claims about the trans men (and transmasc nonbinary people) writing fic about trans characters re: their gender or whether theyre fetishizing trans men, your willingness to engage in good faith with an event hosted by him that features numerous red flags is not going to be unconditional.

im sorry to hear that it has been bad for your mental health, and idk whats fucking going on with this event anymore, but my good faith interpretations have diminished significantly since i saw the shit tmc specifically has been saying about pansexual people and pansexuality as an identity label. i have no clue where the rest of you stand but tmc has repeatedly, consistently shown himself to be unable to act in good faith towards anyone other than people who agree with him.

#disk horse #long post #Anonymous

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ninliane · 5 years ago

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Hey!! Good luck with your new Blog💕! May I request Nishinoya, Lev and Kenma with an russian s/o? Sometimes, she's switching between russian and japanese (and curses in russian) without even noticing it 😂? Thank you very much!!

Ahh! As a bilingual person myself I can tell you myself that usually this isn’t much of an issue, the real problem is when you know the word for a certain object but you forget that other languages dont use that word so its like “can you get my phone in the sala.” “the what-” “the sala” “???” “ah crapsdnfkjsndf tHE LIVING ROOM”

Oh also I used google translate for this so for anyone who can read/understand russian im so sorry if its wrong! (but i’ll leave it untranslated so you guys can see for yourself what you’re actually saying hehe)

-------

s/o who speaks Russian and Japanese

Nishinoya Yu

As manager of Karasuno’s team, you were sitting down on the bench as your team played a practice match with Aoba Johsai

Pretty much everything was going well, the two teams were on par with Karasuno leading by a few points and everyone was in good competitive spirits

But one by the name of Kyotani Kentaro took a bit too far-

He spiked the ball way too hard and the libero of Karsuno didn’t have enough time to react as it hit him right in the face

The ball flew off outside the court and Nishinoya was on the ground with a bloody nose

“Oi Nishinoya are you okay!?” his teammates surrounded him, “Yeah yeah! I’m fine!” the libero got up with a smile, “I’ll just get this cleaned up and I’ll-”

“Hey,”

The boys looked to their left and saw the manager standing up and walking towards the yellow haired player

“Apologise to him.” she flatly said, staring him down

Stubborn as he his he looked away,

“He was in the way of my shot.”

And that’s what cued it.

“Что вы имеете в виду на пути вашего выстрела ?! Это волейбол в тупой зоне боевых действий !!! Ты тупой безрассудный придурок! Вот почему ваш сэмпай должен держать вас под контролем!”

Their manager started firing what seemed to be Russian

Daichi walked up to her in concern and tried to stop her, “Hey (y/n)-”

“что?! ты хочешь быть следующим?” she turned to the captain and then back at the player “Я клянусь, что никто не ранит Ю и сходит с рук.”

Surprisingly it was Kageyama who held (y/n) back and dragged her outside

Yu knew you spoke russain but he never heard you speak it, either way when you were yelling at Kyontani he sorta felt some pride there

When you two got home he’d probably ask you to speak more Russian to him even he if he understand you he found it very very attractive

Lev Haiba

Poor boy comes back from the groceries to see his classmate and sister talking in a language he’s supposed to know but never learned it

(y/n) had originally come to his house to work on a project and Lev went out to buy snacks

He was ecstatic as he had a cute little puppy crush on the girl (awwwe)

So he was really excited to spend time with her!

“это Левочка, когда он был маленький!” Alisa pointed to the album “он был таким хорошим мальчиком!”

For some reason (y/n) squealed and cooed, “Лев такой милый в костюме! И его зачесанные волосы на спине такие милые

Even without understanding the language Lev knew that his sister was showing his pictures to (y/n)

Embarrassed, he grabbed (y/n)’s arm and went upstairs with her, “Stop embarrassing me sis..” he had an annoyed look on his face but he was definitely blushing, (y/n) was just laughing as he pulled her up the stairs

“But Lyovochka! She said you were cute!” Alisa called out

“Stop lying!” Lev stuttered, the red in his face being much more obvious now

“You were Lev!” (y/n) stopped him and held his arm “You looked so cute as a child!” (y/n) smiled at him.

“I-uhm-I” Lev was at a loss for words and for the rest of the night he became more quiet and shy

He would never tell it to her but he was secretly happy that Alisa showed those pictures to (y/n)

Kenma Kozume

“Ah geez, Lev, can you help me with the bottles please?”

The manager of Nekoma ran back and forth from the bus to the gym, loading in several items needed for the training camp, whether it was the water bottles, the ball basket, an extra net, and antennas etc.

The team, who just walked out of the club room saw their manager running back and forth carrying the items

Kenma saw that she was running out of breath and stepped forward to help her..though, he couldn’t really ask her to stop since she was running around

“(y/n) do you need any help?” Kuroo thankfully asked her

“Oh! Yes please!”

Kenma and Kuroo walked to the gym and saw what had been left behind

The two boys heard the footsteps of (y/n) running back to the gym and getting the supplies, stopping for a bit she made eye contact with Kenma

“О да! Спасибо! Просто положите те сзади, где остальные!”

Kuroo and Kenma just stared at her as (y/n) just stared at them, as if expecting an answer

She cocked her head and frowned, “Я сказал положить их с остальными”

“Japanese..” Kenma simply said

(y/n) widened her eyes and smacked her head, “Ah crap right sorry..put those in the back!”

There was silence as she ran out

“So the Russians are your type, Kenma?”

“Kuroo shut up.”

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #kenma kozume #kozume kenma #kuroo testuro #testuro kuroo #lev haiba #haiba lev #alisa haiba

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cantfoolajoker · 5 years ago

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the phantom thieves as dnd classes

ok as a dnd nerd who likes using class assignments as character study opportunities, im here to assign the thieves to some 5e classes and subclasses.

im putting it under a read more bc it got lengthy when i explained why i picked certain things.

so for starters, akira/ren is def a mastermind rogue imo. mastermind rogues flavor wise focus a lot on the concept of manipulating higher powers like rulers or high ranking members of society for your own cause. in akiren’s case, this falls right into what joker does as a phantom thief. the mastermind subclass over all also gives a lot of tools in order to just plainly not be yourself, which is something akiren also does a lot with how he presents himself.

morgana definitely leans on the side of the more radiant subclasses since he’s the manifestation of the hope of the people, so i pinned him as a divine soul sorcerer because of the innate divine energy resting in someones soul being a fitting description for him. this suits the fact that divine soul is actually a more healing based subclass ala a stereotypical cleric, giving morgana access to healing spells like he does in game, and at that, divine souls actually get an alternate form called the angelic form, which suits morgana having his cat form and his monster cat form. this subclass also references a lot of the people belonging to it are servants of the gods, which morgana is also referred to as.

i feel like saying ryuji is a barbarian is like the small brain of this, and then i was like maybe a paladin? they do damage and stuff, but then i realized that tempest domain cleric is like right there, and that’s like his bread and butter. now i know what you’re thinking, dont clerics heal?, and let me just tell you cleric is such a versatile class you could have an entire team of clerics and so long as theyre different domains they could all functionally be different. tempest domain clerics focus on outputting dps in the form of lightning based attacks and also are one of the tanky cleric classes with getting martial weapons and heavy armor, so theyre expected to be super dps heavy, which is what ryuji does. usually gods of the tempest domain are patron sea gods that sailors pray to, which fits in with captain kidd and all that. these gods usually represent things like courage too, which is something ryuji has a lot of. also he def uses bludgeoning weapons just saying.

i threw around a bit what ann would be since her weapon doesn’t give much direction other than ranger, but i feel that a light domain cleric would fit her well. like i said in ryuji’s, clerics don’t have to heal constantly, but this gives ann the option of being able to like she does in game. light clerics basically automatically get most of the fire and light based spells in their domain spell list, covering ann’s biased toward fire based attacks as well with spells such as faerie fire, scorching ray, and everyone’s favorite spell fireball. gods representing the light domain promote ideas of renewel/rebirth, truth, and beauty which describe ann and her story pretty well. also it’s a fun contrast against ryuji as they’re the first two human party members.

okay so like i Know samurai fighter is a thing, but i also think yusuke would fit super well as a moon circle druid. druids overall focus a lot on old gods and magic- they’re described as being priests of old faith, which i feel fits yusuke’s traditional theme. moon circles mainly focus on using wildshape and can be very good at both melee dps and at tanking, both of which yusuke does combat wise. plus he’s called inari (the patron god of foxes) by futaba, he’s called fox as a thief nickname, and he wears the kitsune mask as a thief- if anything him Not wildshifting into a fox at this point would just be... well wild.

makoto gave me a headache since like, her fighting style does not translate well between melee punching and having a mount. i threw the idea back and forth with a friend and we agreed that a dex-based paladin multiclassed with a monk would be a good fit for her, since paladins get summon steed as a spell and also focus on the concept of being a justice holy servant while monk gives her the ability to throw actually good punches with a hit die. as for her paladin oath, two fit her very well between oath of the crown and oath of vengeance, with one focusing on upholding justice and society and the other focusing on punishing wrongdoers who step out of line with an iron fist, as both fit different aspects of makoto’s character and her goals. plus the religious undertones of the paladin class regardless mirrors the religious undertones she has as the priestess card and johanna.

so i had the choice of either leaning into being a navigator or letting her do her own thing, and i think futaba would probably be an alchemist artificer- which yes i’m counting since it’s going to be official soon. they’re all intelligence tinkerers with a knack for item analysis and can even create a construct for a companion, which futaba would probably adore if how much she loves cat morgana doesn’t speak its own volumes. they get things like infuse magic and can pull out combinations of concoctions from their alchemy satchel to do random things that range from damage dealing magic attacks like alchemical fire to creating field hazards like smoke stick.

since a lot of haru’s personal story focuses on her family, specifically her grandfather and her father, i feel that ancestral guardian barbarian is a good fit for her. for one she gets her big battle axe, but also it highlights a lot of the cold rage she has that isn’t touched upon, since raging as a barbarian doesn’t always have to be loud and yelling but can be silent and bone chilling too, which fits haru’s anger quite well. ancestral guardians focus a lot on heritage and using that heritage to buff yourself in battle, which falls in line with haru’s connection to her family.

finally nobody can tell me akechi isn’t an archfey warlock, especially one that’s pact of the blade. warlocks make connections with higher powers to get what they want, which whether you look at his relationship with shido or the fact yaldabaoth gave him his powers, he’s a warlock regardless. i picked archfey specifically because i feel akechi embodies a lot of the trickster fey elements over all, but also feylocks are buffers generally, which is a role akechi slots into quite easily. blade wise, a fey blade probably would resemble a toy saber with it being all mystical, which is why i can see him as pact of the blade. also, whether you want to argue he’s a charisma based warlock or an intelligence based one, he has both anyway. i also completely forgot to mention too that archfey’s given spells includes the calm emotions spell, which is just entirely ironic given what loki can do.

bonus: mishima is a valor bard, no i do not take constructive criticism. literally watch the final battle again and tell me he isn’t one. singing about heroes in order to inspire others and literally is the bard with the feat to give inspiration die mid battle? mishima.

#dnd #persona 5 #p5 #phantom thieves #akira kurusu #morgana #ryuji sakamoto #ann takamaki #makoto niijima #haru okumura #futaba sakura #goro akechi #yuuki mishima #text tag #i thought about this for a long time so yall are gonna get it

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kevkesblog · 5 years ago

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Translation: Julian Brandt Interview at Brinkhoff’s Ballgeflüster (August 20, 2019)

Borussia Dortmund is probably uploading a YouTube video with a much more decent translation than I can ever offer. But since I couldn’t sleep at night I decided to translate the Julian parts of the show. I was difficult as hell, but I think I have never seen Julian this relaxed and open before. The entire show is 45 minutes long.

My personal highlight: how Julian opens two beers (minute 41:40)

Source: BVB-TV Video

6:20min Julian, you arrived in Dortmund a little more than a month ago. And our fans probably want to know: How did you get to know the city, the fans and all over those last six, seven weeks? What’s your impression?

Ju: Do I have to give a serious answer? (smiles)

We put the unserios part at the end…

Ju: Very well. You get the impression immediately that Dortmund is a football crazy city. I knew the stadium already after all these years. But I always felt like Augsburg did last Saturday.

[laughter]

It’s isn’t nice, is it?

Ju: No it is not nice (laughs). But sure its crazy. The experience you get here. The team you are playing with here. And yeah, it was a highlight for me personally scoring in front of the „yellow wall“. Once you get in. Sure, I had some problems at the beginning, because of my injury.

Well, we talked about it, did we?

Ju: Yeah, you said to me once „if you score in front of the yellow wall, it like an addiction“.

[laughter]

And I….

…I made him addictive! Next time he scores again. [laughter]

Ju: So it was a fantastic day overall. And a fantastic month.

Well of course you are here on the big stage today, because we want to get to know you better. So lets start doing that and let’s hear from someone who knows more about you. Our captain Marco Reus:

Marco:

Well, Julian Brandt… Tough one. The guy has a playstation of course. He plays „Fortnite“ almost every day I think. I’m not sure whether he already saw the lights outside in Dortmund. But he is a fantastic guy. I know him a bit from the national team. And we played against each other for many years. I’m really happy he is here. He is a funny guy. An open guy. I think we will have alot of fun with him in the future. Sometimes I wish he would be a little more taned once he gets back home from vacation. Because… I mean I don’t know whether he actually goes outside. Or if he takes suncream with a factor of 100!? I don’t know…but yeah that’s something he has to work on.“

[everybody laughs]

Well, we of course would like to know what you have to say about that [laughs]…

Ju: It’s something I have to let sink in for a moment…

[laughter]

Ju: Because it’s something that goes close to me.

He talked about suncreen factor 500…

Ju: (laughs)…well, okay he won’t have any fun with me now for the rest of the season. I sit right next to him in the locker room. I will come up with something for him…

[laughter]

But nice of him finding two or three nice words about me between his sentences. (laughs)

The football stuff was okay… (laughs)

Ju: (laughs)…

Thats more important than pale legs…

Ju: But you know what the bad thing about this whole story is? He isn’t more tanned than I am! That’s the worst.

[laughter]

I mean you just noticed it. How are like the jokers within the team? Except Marco and You.

Ju: (smiles) That’s a good question.

Who among them is also joking all the time?

Ju: Guerrero. Alot. He is just talking all the time. Like „here, everything is funny“. He loves to be the jumping jack. But a great guy.

And a great football player…

Ju: A fantastic football player! I love how he plays football…

What about Mo? [Dahoud]

Ju: Yeah… but, Mo is the category: very funny, but you want to stroke him because he looks so cute.

[laughter]

He is like… he would never hurt a fly. Everything is always fine with him. Like he is almost to polite and you think „oh you poor little chick“. (laughs) But no, I think generally speaking we have a very good mood within the team. Everybody adds something special.

It’s always nice to do fun stuff within the team…

Ju: Yeah, as long as you win…

[laughter]

How would you charaterize yourself?

Ju: I would say I’m a more quiet and calm person.

[laughs]

Ju: (laughs) I’m actually not the guy who entertains people. Yeah, well I’m a feel-good person. And when I feel comftable and good I open up.

But you do feel comftable here…

Ju: Yes.

Nice. Thats nice and important. I don’t think we have to talk about you in football terms… but if you feel good and like your teammates you always play better.

[…]

13:45min

Otto Addo: I got to know Julian as a U-19 coach in Hamburg. We used to play against him when he was still in Wolfsburg. Yeah he scored against us many times. He won like 6-0 or 5-1…

Ju: We won 6-0 once, right?

[laughter]

And as always goals scored by Julian. I looked that up once: you also used to play for Oberneuland…

Ju: The story between myself and Hamburger SV is… well I’m a native Bremer. And the same like Dortmund fans feel about…. [Schalke]…this rivalry… that the same when you were born in Bremen towards Hamburger SV. Which is why I was always motivated. Sorry.

[…]

16:35min

Now you have to explain to us: you do have a nickname, right? Skipper?

Ju: (smiles) This how I call myself on WhatsApp yeah… Thats not now people call me on the street. Or how my friends call me.

And how do you get that name?

Ju: (smiles) I…

It just stays here with us…

Ju: (smiles)… I think penguins are cool (laughs). And there are the penguins of madagascar. I have two brothers. My father was sitting in the livingroom and I saw them once and I said: „let’s call us like the penguins of madagascar!“ And so we gave us all names.

And you gave yourself the name „Skipper“…

Ju: Well yeah, I was the leader of course. Actually nothing really spectacular. But perhaps the name establishes itself?

But one can say about you without hesitation: you are a guy that wears his heart on his tongue. I mean thats a trait I really like about you.

Ju: Yeah. But I have to say I got the most characteristics from my parents – things I learned and inherited from them. And they really look out for me and take care so I stay a very down-to-earth kind of guy. To keep your manners of course. Regardless of the job you do. And yeah it was very important to them, to walk happily through your life. They helped alot – especially in football. Made many things possible. I think I would have never made it without them. So I owe them alot.

[….]

25:00min

Julian, you’re not 18 anymore, but: Youth coordinator is something that becomes more and more important within a club, right?

Ju: Sure. Because youth development in football becomes more important. Ok, we don’t have to talk about net worth of players these days. Especially Germany has a league, where young players can have a great development. I think it great for BVB, if young players are being slowly guided to the first professional team. And in the end will be on the pitch in the stadium. Because it’s about identification on one hand. And on the other hand it’s cheaper fort he club (laughs). Yeah because you dont pay 35 or 40 million for a 17 or 18 year old player. It’s a important reason at the end.

#julianbrandt #julian brandt #bvb #BVB09 #borussia dortmund #BorussiaDortmund #dfb #dfbteam #diemannschaft

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nightmaretyrantvantas · 6 years ago

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I am not my insecurities reflection- a truthful based oneshot

IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE PLEASE READ

Ok, this will be a long author’s note but please bare with me as this is very important for you to understand this oneshot. For some context here because I havent posted alot about her yet, this is a oneshot about my Dc oc Gracie Lucio, set kinda in the same universe(i guess) of the teen titans judas contract movie( with Damian as robin) and its a oneshot written partly out of a vent of my own body image issues and partly out of an expression of how I’ve learned to look past said issues slowly.

But this gets very angsty until the end

Now to give a bit more context for the piece itself. The oc herself, Gracie Lucio( because I havent posted any art of her yet) for the reader’s understanding, she is not human, she is a werewolf(it feeds into her story so dont get me started on it alot of research went into this aspect of her character and it plays into her body issues)and body wise looks similar to Dick in the first season of Young Justice. Shes a naturally thin figured , broader shouldered girl who could( if she really wanted to) pass as a feminine boy with short jaw/ barely chin length hair( think of a thick messy longish pixie cut of dark hair). So shes naturally lean and lanky and a little underdeveloped for a 13 year old girl and as a heroine she has toned muscles from years of hero work. Most wouldnt see her having too many insecurities about her body image and appearance, but in truth shes riddled with them. She ages a bit differently than humans, it takes her body longer to develop and even then in some areas it develops differently all together. She struggles to gain any extra weight or build up natural feminine curves, something she wants. She WANTS to look like other girls her age, with more developed and heavier bodies, with curves and more weight and an actual figure. But with a supernaturally high metabolism added on top of a already genetic based thin figure and a intense and sometimes rigorous training and workout routine plus her work as a heroine gives no leeway to gain really any extra weight, its always worked off one way or another. And this causes...comments to be made about why she looks that way by civilians. and though she never shows it publicly she takes many of these, usually not flattering and sometimes cruel and rude, comments to heart(much like I used to unfortunately) and it worsens her negative feelings. This is a small story of her seeing those problems and issues and trying to face and overcome them. This is more centered around Gracie and Dick and Jason and their platonic and sibling like relationship as they help her through her darker times( again, this is partly me expressing my own personal struggles with body image (which arent the exact same as the character but the language and the comments are very similar)and partly how those two helped inspire me to have more confidence in my body no matter what I look like) and also a deeper peek into her complex relationship with Damian(but thats not the biggest focus) Sorry this was so long I mightve info-dumped a little but its important to understand the story. I hope you guys enjoy?

This is also told in Gracie’s point of view

This will cover some pretty deep kinda issues like body image problems and over eating and weight loss/gain and mentions of eating disorders without really discussing them and bullying so if that upsets you in any way now is the best time to scroll past for your own sake, I dont want you to upset yourself over my crappy emotional writing

I do not look that bad.

That’s what I have to force my mind to accept as I look into the mirror, meeting my own aqua green eyes hesitantly.

I always hated looking in the mirror lately, especially after training or after bathing, like now as I stood in the middle of my room in a slightly loose training type sports bra and spandex shorts. I don’t even want to glance down at my body, out of fear for seeing the same thing I always do.

‘She so skinny...is she eating right’

‘She needs to eat more and gain some weight’

‘what a twig for a superhero’

‘how have bad guys not snapped her in half? Jesus Christ I could probably break her with a sneeze!’

‘What a bad influence shes setting for young girls with such an thin figure!’

‘I think He needs to eat more Christ that poor boy must be starving! Why isn’t Nightwing feeding him more’

The flashes of comments flooded my mind the moment my eyes flickered down to the rest of me. To my thin, unfeminine figure. My underdeveloped and flat birdcage of a chest. To my lanky, toned, too flat stomach. The pinched waist figure. The flat empty expanse I called hips that blended too well into my too dainty looking bony legs. I looked too fucking skinny. And maybe they were right...as a hero I was a role model to those younger than me, and I promoted a Bad Body Image for girls to idolize with my lanky boy figure.

And it was a horrible body type I had no goddamn control over.

My species was not an easy one to live as, especially not intermingled with humans. The team knew, the team understood, but the rest of the world didn’t. As a lupinotuum pectinem, or lycanthrope which in easy translation is simply “Werewolf”, my whole body inner workings were different. Most of my kind were naturally lean and thin, like tall healthily thin model athlete body types and in general the females, even alpha females, were practically born twig like almost. And on top of that our bodies developed....differently. I was not raised by a pack or by my own kind after age 8, so even I didn’t know the full extent but females bodies took longer to grow and it made it very hard for them to gain weight because of the unnaturally high metabolism. Add being a superhero who once trained under a certain league member to the mix and you go from being the “healthy and admirable” type of skinny to the “unhealthy and concerning”type of skinny.

I hated it, and I hated my body. I hated pictures of me from the neck down, because they all looked the same no matter who they were with. And I saw the comments everyone made. Whether its a surprise photo Garfield took dragging me into the picture to commemorate something or another or me taking pictures around Gotham or Blüdhaven with Dick on the social media Gar helped me set up, or even the rare photos I’d get to take with Jason or Damian or Tim and get to post. Every time the flood of comments were the same. The same things I now repeated over and over as I looked over my body angrily.

OMG look at that poor girl is she ok??? She looks like she needs to be hospitalized!

Christ almighty BB isn’t it too early to be posing with skeletons?? LOL

Dude not funny that girl must be anorexic or something.

Such a cute sibling couple but sweetie you need a fast food break to add some fat to those bones!

Fuck kid go eat something instead of taking pictures

Awwww you two look real happy! I hope you’re on the way to lunch or something!

Holy shit your guy’s size difference is so vast its almost worrying

how are you even alive with that little weight

Go eat some junk food or something before you pass out

OMG look at her shes so small and stick like! Her clothes look like they’re hanging off a scarecrow!

That girl cannot be healthy tell me someone is making her eat more

Every time its always the same damn thing....

I couldn’t do it anymore. I turned away from the mirror nearly in disgust and went back to changing into more casual clothes, bitterly noting how my clothes did in fact seem to hang awkwardly on my body as if I was too thin for them to fit correctly. Like they always did lately.

Ew look at her she looks so gross all stick-like like that!

What a fucking twig of a girl! Are those her ribs poking through her shirt??

Bitch go eat a fucking hamburger you need some damn food in you.

God that weight cant be healthy you need a doctor!!

“Kid? Yo kid you in there?” My head jerked up from the comments flooded screen of my phone to meet Jason’s eyes, catching the quirk of his eyebrow as he sat across the diner table from me. We were at a diner he favored whenever he came into town to visit, a little family owned treasure with delicious and greasy food and the sweetest staff on earth. We frequented the spot during his visits, our own personal little thing since we’d gotten closer. I plastered on a smile and ignored the slight narrow of those blue eyes, the small furrow of his brow got as I snapped off my phone and set it aside.

“Sorry Jay, BB tagged me in something dorky and I got distracted. So what were you saying?”

He didn’t believe me, and I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t the most convincing at that moment but I kept that damn plastic smile on my face and snagged some of his curly fries right in his face, making him crack a smile and smack my hand away from his tray.

“ Hands off my food, eat your own wolfie.” I rolled my eyes at the stupid nickname I’d been branded and let the plastic smile slowly be replaced by a more genuine one as we began chatting again, grabbing my over sized cheeseburger and finishing every last bite and moving onto the large fries and two milkshakes, hopelessly praying that maybe this time the calories would stick and trying to push away the comments to the back of my mind. I was with Jason and we were having a damn good time, and I wasn’t going to let those comments ruin his visit...not again.

You should be ashamed. All you’re doing is promoting bad eating habits looking like that.

You’re such a bad influence for young girls who idolize you with such a horribly unreachable appearance.

Shes too bony to ever be considered pretty

Does she have a eating disorder or something?

I stiffened instantly startled by a hand on my shoulder, turning off my phone instinctively and making the endless comments disappear into darkness before whoever could see them over my shoulder. The hand was big, calloused, and gentle and I felt myself relax as I looked up behind me with a smile.

“ Hey Dick, did you need something?” He smiled down at me with that big bright smile that made all the dark thoughts and feelings melt away and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, blue eyes meeting aqua green.

“ Well I was wondering if you’re doin’ anything right now or if you’d want to go catch dinner with Kori, Dami, and I. I noticed that you’d skipped your usual early dinner....” I wasn’t surprised he noticed, he normally did...

Once again that smile plastered itself on my face as I told him I’d love to, and to just let me go get changed into something better. I saw his hesitation at the fake smile, practically smelled it on him and prayed he wouldn’t bring it up right now, god please don’t ask now or I might just break...

Maybe god is listening because he didn’t mention it and just told me to meet them by the front doors of the tower in ten.

How are you not dead yet?

Jesus Christ stop promoting your eating disorder like its a good thing!

She looks so sickly is she ok? :(

Yeah shes sick, sick in the damn head for posting such disgusting pro-Ana pictures

How can you post pictures with a clear conscience looking like that?

Some “superhero”

I was wrong, no god was listening to me.

Dinner was rough to get through, even if it didn’t start that way.

For once I didn’t have to worry or dread possibly checking my phone for anything, I turned it off by the time we got to the restaurant. I even got a small compliment from Damian on our way in, though it was more a snark at me not tripping up the stairs. But it was Damian so I snapped right back with a smile, knowing he didn’t really mean it. Sitting beside Dick and across from Damian, I nudged his foot with mine in a silent gesture to cheer up even a little. He huffed through his nose but I saw his body relax and it made me relax. Those moments before the food came, our chatter and soft laughter as we looked over the menu, and the soothing knowledge knowing that Dick pulled me and Damian along to this dinner so we would go out on a date ourselves, ever the best brother and wingman. The mood was light and pleasant and I could see even the ever sharp and moody Dami lighten up a little by the time we ordered. Maybe the mood shifted into something different as we waited for our food and I was sipping on my tall glass of iced cola, when Damian’s fingers casually brushed over the top of my unused hand that laid peacefully on the table. The gesture was subtle and light, quick enough to miss if your senses weren’t sharp. I didn’t acknowledge it and neither did he, a silent understanding that words would just ruin whatever this was. I accepted that happily, as he was much more engaged in the conversations and even smiling a little more during them as he debated with Kori on leading strategies. Things were pleasant, comforting at that table in those few seconds before the decline, Dick smiling and chuckling at his lover and little brother, Said lover and brother having a more upbeat discussion about different leadership styles and their effects, and lightly debating which work better for what. And Damian’s hand next to mine, ever so lightly brushing against it in his wordless way to say I was still there and at even the smallest twitch I’d have his attention again. Dick ruffled my hair and asked how my online courses were coming along, since I didn’t attend schools publicly and I was more than happy to babble about my classes, and my current work in them. It was nice and I was happy, all the horrible feelings from before draining away as I tuned everything else but these three out of my enhanced hearing. Why had I even felt so shitty when I had great people like them in my life?

Then I heard it as that damned supernatural hearing tuned back in to the rest of the world.

The words and whispers and mutters and the blatant gossip and bad mouthing.

“Look at that younger girl sitting at that table dear...shes so thin I think she should be in a hospital not a restaurant.”

“Ewww mom look that girl looks like a skeleton!”

“ Honey shush….”

“Is….is that girl ok?”

“Dude of course she isn’t just look at her shes unhealthy as fuck. Probably has some kind of eating disorder too or something.”

It all flooded over me and all of my happy mood washed away under the wave. I couldn’t tell if the others could hear them so I grit my teeth tried to tune it all back out, trying so hard to focus more on Kori’s explanation of her points. My hands began to curl up subconsciously, making Damian’s attention snap to me. Fuckin I….no, I cant tell him...I shouldn’t. I forced my hand to uncurl and that stupid smile sprawled across my lips as if someone had put tape over them. I saw his eyes narrow and near begged mentally for him to not say anything or for Dick to distract him...anything.

“Ahem….your meal.”

I have never more thankful to a waitress before in my life...until I saw the look she gave me as she placed my admittedly large order of food in front of me, something that was normally a platter for two people’s worth of beef and sides. I caught the judgmental and suspicious look she had glancing between me and my food and I felt shame burn all over, starting to hang my head to avoid that damn look.

“ If this is all our food then your job is done. Don’t you have OTHER tables to be serving?” Damian’s curt and sharp tone cut through the air and briefly through my shame. This waitress knew nothing about me and i certainly owned no one any explanations about my eating habits, so why was she hanging around giving me looks about my food…?

“ Damian don’t be so rude!” Dick cleared his throat and I felt his strong arm wrap protectively around my shoulder as he leaned close to the edge of the table while Kori’andr apologized for Damian’s attitude vaguely. But I could hear it, there wasn’t much life to her apology. It sounded like a politely required apology, almost...defensive?

“ I am so sorry about my little brother Miss. He’s also sorry. But do you need anything else since we seem to be all set here but you’re still hanging around when you must be very busy…?” Dick’s words were sweet and cheerful, but there was an edge to his tone that gave a clear warning. His arm around me tightened a little protectively as he gave one of his signature charming smiles that could light up half the damn city as he then inquired if there was some sort of problem. The waitress stammered that there wasn’t any problem and that it was fine and for us to enjoy our meal before scampering away to continue her work. I felt other patrons eyes most DEFINITELY on us now and I couldn’t help shrinking into the taller man’s side to hide.

“ I’m sorry this keeps happening…” I murmured to him as our respective dates started eating and slowly reviving their conversation, moving on to mission recounts and training while Damian shot a dark look at the other patrons that made them look away. Dick gave my shoulder a squeeze and i moved closer for that familiar warmth and comfort...my chest felt heavy and my appetite had died and I wanted to curl up in my room and die of the shame. But I couldn’t, he wouldn’t have let me. So instead I instinctively sought out the safety Dick’s presence brought me, like a protective older sibling whose arms I could be enveloped in and forget about the harsh world outside them.

He knew without words, catching my body language before anyone else at the table. He knew me best.

“ Do you want to leave? We can get to go boxes and enjoy this meal all the same back at the tower, or even mine and Kori’s apartment. Is that what you’d rather do?” It was tempting, oh god it was so tempting to just say yes and let him lead me away while I re-gathered myself, same way he did when we were both 13 and living under the same roof...before…

I shook my head and forced those thoughts to the very back of my mind. I was in a dark enough place of mind already without that.

“ N-no...you guys set this up...i...i don’t want one nosy waitress to ruin our whole meal. Lets just eat ok D?” He smiled at the nickname and ruffled my hair with a nod, both him and Kori making sure I knew if things got too uncomfortable we could leave and the heaviness eased a little at their consideration. I started picking at my food and slowly regaining my appetite, once again nudging Damian with my foot to start up conversations. I ignored the words for the majority of the dinner, we even began to enjoy ourselves again. The last straw was probably as we were paying and putting leftovers in to go bins. I was admittedly nibbling on food out of my bin, despite starting to feel full.

“ I swear you are a bottomless pit sometimes Gracia.” I rolled my eyes at Damian’s remark and gave him a small smirk as I licked my fingers clean.

“ This bottomless pit can still kick your ass in training wonder boy~” He grunted and I saw the challenge glow in his eyes as he smirked back, an excitement for tomorrow’s combat training flaring up between us.

“ You really shouldn’t mix up your delusional dreams with reality alpha PUP.” I said something snarky back and we began to bicker halfheartedly over who was winning. I finally snapped shut my leftover box and stood with Damian as we stared each other down confidently, Dick chuckling at our competitiveness.

“ Tomorrow morning’s combat training will certainly be interesting with these two all riled up already.” The words didn’t fully process as I cracked my knuckles and squared up to the admittedly….taller boy.

“ Last I checked Damian I was ahead 11-10. And tomorrow, I just cant wait to make it 12.” He gave a hard laugh to my face and faced up to me with a smirk as our other two companions stood and shooed us more in front of the table so they could leave their seats. He opened his mouth to say something likely scalding and snarky back at me when the worst comment pierced between us both like a goddamn bullet.

“ Damn, I never knew such a sickly, too skinny bitch like her could eat like such a fat fucking pig.”

I think I stopped breathing as my body flinched at the following laughter. The man was clearly on the tipsy side and sitting at a larger table with a group of laughing friends, though the one who said it was standing next to the table with a drink that reeked of the cheapest alcohol this restaurant probably sold, and he didn’t stop there. Oh god of course he didn’t stop there. He kept laughing and loudly making obvious comments at me and openly mocking me and how much I ate to his table, either fully aware of what he was doing and that we could clearly see and hear him or too drunk to really care as more insults and name calling that I had heard and seen and read plenty of times before fell from his mouth. My heart was pounding in my ears as the next few moments happened slowly.

I thought I had seen anger plenty of times before, the worse being the one and only time someone made a malicious joke about my appearance to my face when I was walking beside Jason and it took all my supernatural strength to drag him off and away the guy before he murdered him in broad daylight and to keep him walking to wherever we had been heading.

I had seen pissed, but I had never seen downright hellish fury until that moment when I looked at Damian and Dick.

I had seen Damian mad, and angry, and pissed, a few times in our first meetings at me personally. I had seen Dick mad, angry, and pissed off a a fair chunk of times, even if they had never been directly at me. I had never seen this expression on either of them in those times. And in those few moments that passed almost in slow motion and Damian began to lurch forward with murderous intent the thought finally hit me. ‘ Was this...the first time these two had really heard the comments about me? Oh god…’ I felt like I was moving in honey as Damian stalked past me and I tried to reach out to him slowly, a gleam to his eyes that made my blood go cold.

If someone was to ask me in the future what I believed Death looked like, I would say with completely conviction that death would have the exact eyes Damian had in that moment: lethal, merciless, and furious. And he would have Dick’s cold expression, a look I never wanted to see on the normal cheerful man’s face ever again.

Time snapped back to a normal speed like a whip and my hand grasped nothing but air as Damian stormed over to the man.

“D...da--”

“What did you just say you disgusting drunk.” I might’ve shivered at his tone and I felt Kori’s hands on my shoulders tugging me back protectively as she looked down at me worried.

“ Gracie...don’t listen to him, there’s no reason to cry.” Cry? What was she talking ab--

That’s when I felt it, something warm and wet sliding down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. I...I was crying. My walls and my limit of bottling things in for one day was crumbling away as I watched Damian go to confront the man, my voice disappearing under the surge of hurt and anxiety. I couldn’t even say his damn name. I felt frozen and helpless as Dick stalked after Damian, fists clenched.

I had to do something say something anything to stop them before things went badly I had to I had--

“Eh?What the fuck did you say to me brat?”

“ You heard me you worthless piece of filth. Apologize to her, now.”

I needed to do something anything as I felt myself crumbling. Why wasn’t Dick stopping him why

“ And what if I don’t pipsqueak? You gonna hit me? Now scram. Maybe take your little bitch to a hospital for treatment instead of parading her around a restaurant with normal people!”

“ He might not do anything, But I will. Now take it back before things get messy.”I think my body began trembling as I watched panic swelling. I just wanted to leave and go home. I didn’t want to see this unfold, I just wanted to be home at the tower curled under my covers to simulate the warmth of another person holding me. I wanted to be anywhere, anywhere else then stuck in this nightmare.

So I moved without thinking and lunged, aiming for the back of Dick’s jacket to grab and ready to swallow any shards of pride and beg to leave. Instead I collided with Damian’s back and rolled with it, hugging him tightly from behind and tugging back with a whimper.

“ P-please you two...l...lets just leave...please lets just go home please…” Kori grabbed Dick’s arm firmly and tugged him back.

“ Dick...shes in the midst of an anxiety attack, let it go and lets leave. We need to get her out of here.” He took a difficult deep breath but nodded glaring down the man harshly enough that he flinched and scurried to the bar with his tail between his legs mumbling insults. One of his friends started to stand and began nervously apologizing, though one vicious look from the boy I was holding shut him up fast. It took me and Kori working together to drag the two out of the restaurant and the ride home was tense and silent. I couldn’t look at any of them, instead opting to stare at my feet wiping my eyes.

“ Does that happen often. People talking about you like that.” His cold tone made me flinch a little. At this point I was so upset and anxious and emotionally drained on the inside that I thought Damian was mad at me of all people for what happened. Those dark thoughts began to slowly bubble up to the surface and my insecurities screamed that he blamed me for what happened in the restaurant. I remained silent, too upset to answer. I heard his growl of annoyance and I began to hunch up, ready for a verbal fight.

“ Damian drop it for now. Shes in no right place of mind to talk about it.” Dick warned from the driver seat with a low voice that reminded me he was also upset and angry. When we got back to the tower I didn’t wait for anyone to say anything, I just bolted for my room as fast as I could, at a inhuman, unnatural speed that they couldn’t keep pace with.

I stayed locked in my room for three days, not willing to face any of them the next morning during training. Everything was heavy and hurt and it was hard trying to rebuild those shattered walls of protection, that image of unbothered confidence. I stayed in bed locked away from the world and curled up under the weak protection of my sheets mostly unresponsive to those outside it.

The first to come knocking and checking on me was Kori, asking if I was ok and if I needed to talk. She left after a little while of trying for a response unsuccessfully though, saying she’d come back to check on me later. It was maybe an hour later that Garfield came knocking, asking why I’d missed breakfast AND training. His voice was concerned as he asked if everything was ok and if I was even in there. The concern poked painfully into my silence, tempting me to speak and make myself vulnerable.

Vulnerability killed. I knew that first hand. So I forced myself to stay quiet until his knocks and footsteps faded away.

The rest of the day passed in a bit of a self deprecating blur, only marked by Kori’s two other attempts at my door. The last one I barely noticed as exhaustion kicked back in and I drifted off into an unsteady sleep

The next day after I woke up things still went by in a near timeless blur. I could hear my phone buzzing and vibrating and rattling for my attention but I left it there on the nightstand unnoticed and curled further under the sheets, lost in a slate tinted world of dark thoughts and darker temptations. But that day was harder to drift away through.

The first to stop by was Jamie, knocking a few times and calling out to me with concern and worry clear in his voice as he asked if I was ok. He asked if I’d eaten at all since yesterday, since he hadn’t seen me leave my room. The thought of eating made my stomach stir and my body curl around it ashamed. He knocked a few more times after that, his voice growing a bit more worried at the lack of answer. After awhile I heard him walk away and I barely lifted my head as I hugged my too skinny too unhealthy body close, feeling those blaring imperfections and flinching at myself.

It was no wonder everyone said those things...if so many people said them so often then they must be true.

The next to come by was Raven. She only knocked twice and gave a small sigh.

“ Gracie...I know you’re in there. If you need someone to talk to...my room is in the next hall over, and I will be here to listen. I wont force you to come out...just please remember you aren’t alone here. You have the team behind you.” I bit my lip hard enough to make it bleed to keep my ensuing whimper silent. The words, soothing and reassuring in context, stabbed into my heart and my resolve. I WANTED to depend on them, to throw open the door and break down under the assurance I could and would not be treated differently after, and be assured and comforted and remind of the positives. I wanted it so badly I was scared of it. Or maybe...I was scared of it NOT happening as those damn fears and insecurities and dark thoughts sowed heavy doubt through me. She lingered a little longer than Jaime, eventually her footsteps disappearing. I remember meekly poking my head from the sheets to stare absently out the half covered windows lost in thought, time slipping by me once more to the point I almost didn’t register Garfield and Kori both stopping by my door again at least twice more worried.

When Dick stopped by as the sun was setting was when the harder pain set in.

I heard the knocks and ignored it in favor of the changing color sky the sunset offered, my room washed in a dim orange and amber gleam. Then I heard his voice, soft and sick with worry from the outside and my heart thudded so hard it hurt. Hard.

“ Gracie...C’mon Gracie-girl please open the door. We’re all worried about you...I’m really worried about you. You haven’t eaten for a day and a half...Please let me in...” I almost broke completely at the pain in that familiar voice, the voice I never wanted to be the cause of being in pain or anguish again.

Well looks like I did a GREAT job of preventing that didn’t I?

He knocked again, asking and pleading and trying to reason, anything to get that door to open. My eyes burned with hot fresh tears and I curled up into a tight ball whimpering softly and breaking my vow of silence.

“....D-dick...p-please...j-just leave me a-alone…I-i just need some t-time alone…”

My voice came out pathetically weak and shaking with tears, which I know he heard. There was a silence for a few moments, perhaps shock that I actually answered this time. I felt warmth sliding down my cheeks as he sighed and reluctantly muttered that he’d come check back on me tomorrow and that there was leftover dinner ready for me to heat up on the kitchen counter before he slowly walked away. His fading footsteps echoing in my ears. Was my heart breaking on every step away? I couldn’t tell. That feeling slipped into the dark thoughts that followed the setting sun. Dark thoughts that also reminded me of the one person who HADN’T come to check on me, and the resulting pain of his absence.

The third day had been mostly quiet. It was almost a painful relief, quiet meant no additional pain of--

“ Gracia.”

That one word coming from Damian’s mouth sent so many things through me and sent any resolve I had spiraling away. His tone was a forced kind of neutral, he sounded as if he was trying to stay calm but it wasn’t exactly working. There was something to his voice I had no energy to figure out. He didn’t knock and there was silence for a few moments but I felt his presence remain.

“ You haven’t eaten since the restaurant.” No questions with him, he didn’t need to ask, always calm and analyzing.

“ ...You cant just stay in there forever Gracia.” A stern lilt to his voice, weakly enforced by the faint sound of his hand on the door. I could only whimper and curl up more. There was another stretch of silence before he sighed and his footsteps continued down the hall.

He was the only one to come check on me, a blessing and a damnation.

The day and night went by so listlessly I didn’t remember falling asleep, only waking up to banging knocks on my door. The volume grated on my sensitive hearing and made me flinch. Who would even be knocking like that…?

“ Oi. Kid. I know you’re still in there. Open the door.” Jason’s hard and no shit taking voice shot through me. Why...Why was Jason in the tower? Why was he in the city?

The knocking continued relentlessly, unlike the others. It even got louder and angrier.

“ Kid I said open this goddamn door.” There was no request or plea in his voice. It was a command, a harsh, cold command. I tried covering my ears with my hands and curling into a tight ball as the knocking continued. He wasn’t about to give up to a little girl.

I knew this too well.

“ Graciea Rosica Lucio I swear to god if you don’t open this goddamn door in the next couple second I will break it down. Now get off your fucking ass and answer me.” I don’t know what it was, but hearing his threat sent my body into mechanical motion, trudging over to the door and reluctantly unlocking it and letting it slide open with a low hiss, the banging finally ceasing. I couldn’t look him in the face, empty and ashamed it took threats to get me to open the door. So I stared dully at his boots and took in his scent as he grabbed the front of my shirt and dragged me back inside. I stumbled clumsily along with as he sat me on my bed and stood in front of me. I kept my gaze down towards his knees, the smell of nicotine wisping off his body in a way that told me he very recently had been smoking, no less than an hour ago most likely. Smoke and city is what filled my room. There was only a beat of silence before he spoke.

“ Look at me.” I lifted my head and stared at his chest and his crossed arms, unwilling to look him in the eyes. I couldn’t bare to see what kind of disappointed look he likely had on his face. Perhaps I didn’t want to see my reflection in his eyes, see the sickly, disgusting and bony figured girl with greasy hair and dark circles under dulled eyes and sallow cheeks. I heard the slight growl that rumbled from the back of his throat in warning and I briefly wondered if I would be forced to look him in the eyes. His arms uncrossed and I prepared myself for anything.

Anything except for two big plastic grocery bags filled with fast food bags and orders was dropped onto my lap, the contents still hot. I blinked slowly once, twice, and finally got enough courage in my confusion to look up at his face. When I did I was a little startled.

“ Eat. And you aren’t moving until those bags are polished off understand me?”

He looked visibly angry, eyes narrowed and mouth locked in a fearsome scowl with eyebrows furrowed. But his eyes were soft and worried and it took me a minute to realize worry was what was making his scowl so harsh. He crossed his arms across that broad chest again and I realized he was in his work gear, all the way down to the guns strapped to his thighs. All he lacked at the moment was his helmet and domino mask, his dark hair messier than usual and the white streak falling between his eyes. We had a staring contest and in those pupils I saw myself, I saw the shell I had become and it made me sick, breaking me briefly from the depressive haze.

How the hell had I let myself fall this far, this deep?

We didn’t speak until he grunted, eyes narrowing more in a way even those concerned blues didn’t weaken the glare as he spoke gruffly.

“ You better start eating before I start just shoving it down your damn throat.” I knew he would too. He wasn’t fucking around, I didn’t doubt he’d follow through with any threats made. Slowly I looked down at the pile of food and reached for the first bag, pulling it open and blinking fast as fresh tears stung my eyes.

It was from our favorite diner, and it was my usuals two cheeseburgers and large lightly salted fries with a second order of fat steak fries and fried pork strips. He’d even gotten all the little sides I enjoyed with it and I looked back up at him with a pained look. Maybe that look made him relax because his expression softened slightly, his voice quieting to something gentler.

“ C’mon now...I brought you all your favorites, now start eating...it’s been three days and your body cant handle that. We can talk after.” My shoulders slumped as all the tension stored in my body dissipated a little as he continued to speak, like a tightly pulled strong finally cut loose.

“ Kid I’m not mad at you. No one is. So just eat the food and then we’ll figure shit out, just like we do on any other visit.” I think the tears started falling because his face got blurry and there was warmth in my face. If I did start crying he didn’t say anything, just nodded at the bag. I gulped and slowly but surely pulled out one of the burgers and slowly took a bite, struggling a little to swallow it with a throat that was closing up from emotions. Once I did though my hunger kicked me hard and I began devouring the food, one bag after another.

It took me about a half hour to finish both plastic bags but I did, followed by slamming through at least two water bottles and one thick milkshake that almost made a mess. Jason simply watched over me as I ate from his spot in front of me. The silence was almost soothing, not painful as it had been before. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand as I looked back up at him and we made eye contact.

“ So are you going to tell me what happened? Really happened?” I broke his gaze to stare towards the floor as the acidic shame began to creep back over me. He sighed.

“ C’mon kid just let it out already. Who am I to judge? So why don’t you trust me like you USED to and tell me?” Those words shot through my heart and head.

I...I wasn’t trusting him...trusting anyone...I…i...

It was like Jason opened a flood gate.

It all came spilling out with a new surge of tears and mid sentence cracking sobs, my body physically heaving from the intensity as it all came out. All the months of insecurities and pain and doubts and fears and comments and negativity and hate and bullying came rushing out like a tidal wave and Jason took to all, listening to everything without a single word as I let everything out and let myself break down completely, wails and sobs replacing words eventually. I felt him shift and kneel in front of me, felt big strong sturdy hands grip my shoulders to steady me and keep me anchored as I buried my face into my hands and gasped out cries and pained wailing yowls that filled the room and spilled out of it. I vaguely remember the sounds of multiple hurried footsteps coming towards the door but I didn’t care. All I felt was Jason’s hands on my shoulders and his steady, continuous heartbeat in my ears as well as he strong breathing. One set of footsteps dared to enter the room and hurry over, only stopped by Jason’s calm voice.

“ Let her get it out, its the only thing that’ll help.” The footsteps stopped and eventually the wails faded into blubbering whimpers and whines and hiccups, constantly sniffling. I lifted my head to look at him through blurred eyes and got one brief sight of Dick standing behind Jason that sent me into a whole new wave of sobs.

God I’ve been nothing but selfish and now I’d fucking hurt Dick again even when I swore I’d never do that again and i--

I let out a high pitched whine that turned into pathetic blubbered and wailed apologies. Over and over like a broken record I couldn’t stop apologizing to them for everything even parts that weren’t my fault in any way I still apologized for it I just couldn’t stop. Jason’s grip on me tightened only slightly before slipping away and for a single moment I was terrified I’d annoyed him with all the apologies and was about to add that to my list of them when two strong arms wrapped around me and and Dick’s scent surrounded me.

“ Shh shh shh shhh….shhh Gracie its ok now shh shh its ok I got you its not your fault…” I sniffled and wailed out more sobs and begs for forgiveness as I clung to him like he was a life preserver. And at that moment he was. He hugged me tighter and practically cradled me into his chest stroking my hair as he murmured reassurances, assuring me I was well forgiven and it wasn’t my fault. Everyone got insecurities especially when facing so much negativity. How I was so strong for fighting it for so long regardless. But it was ok to not always be strong and be able to handle it. That he was there and it was ok now. It took awhile but eventually all my noise quieted down to sniffles and hiccups and the occasional whimper as my trembling and heaving finally eased away into a limp tiredness. I felt exhausted but in a way different than the past couple days. I felt lighter and the more Dick spoke gently the lighter and more relaxed I felt,all the pain easing as he banished every dark thought one by one.

“ You ARE a hero Gracie.”

“ you aren’t a skeleton or a scarecrow or a twig.”

“ You are not too bony.”

“ You’re beautiful.”

“ You aren’t sick and you don’t need any doctors.”

“ You’re ok. The way your body works and retains weight naturally is not your fault.”

“ You’re only thirteen you’re still growing kiddo.”

“ I was scrawny and thin until I was at least sixteen Gracie its not that uncommon.”

“ You do NOT have to hold yourself to stupid human beauty standards.”

“ You’re beautiful to us, that’s all that matters.”

“ You’re ok, you have us.”

Each and every statement cleared my mind and I slumped against him with tears still falling down my cheeks. His hand carefully cupped the back of my neck in a soothing gesture to ease the wolf side of me, adding a very small amount of pressure to ensure the sense of security and safety the movement brought. I whispered out a hoarse thank you, my throat sore and raw but already beginning to heal. He smiled into my hair and I let my eyes slip shut in contentment. I felt...stabilized, as if the whole world had been constantly tilted dangerously under my feet for months and now it had finally been returned to normal, balancing me once again.

I felt a second, no technically third, hand tangle itself into my thick and greasy hair and ruffle it affectionately, fingers tangling themselves in the dark chestnut locks.

“ We’re always here for you kid. Whether you like it or not. You can be honest and confide in your inner circle Gracie. We aren’t going to look at you any differently...so next time don’t keep your mouth shut.” My nerves settled and I leaned into his hand with a loud hiccup, making him snort. I looked up and saw both older men smiling down at me, both with their own kind of soft expressions. I rubbed my eyes and wiped my nose and smiled back shakily, feeling like everything was going to be ok for the first time in a long while.

I learned a few things a few hours later, after I’d fallen asleep in Dicks arms and woke up on the couch out in the Tower’s game room with Garfield and Jaime looking after me. My head was resting on Garfield’s leg and he had his elbow rested on my upper arm comfortably as he and Jaime played some kind of two player video game, keeping their voices lower than usual to be considerate of me sleeping. Opening my eyes was difficult as they felt dry and crusted and stung from crying so much. But my throat was no longer sore. When they saw I was awake they paused the game and and told me they were happy I was up, as I had been out cold for at least a solid couple hours. That was when I learned the first thing : Dick and Kori had informed the team of the incident at the restaurant after the first day I stayed locked up in my room, and Garfield had let it slip in his rage that he thought I had finally stopped getting those comments, and confessed that I’d been getting bullied and harassed about my appearance online for months. What I found out was all those months what I failed to notice was Garfield fighting back on my behalf every chance he got. He defended me, constantly called people out for harassment and even worked on getting some of the worst and most aggressive ones banned. For months he’d been do it as relentlessly as he could, filling his own social medias with both our pictures and his constant defense and positivity towards me to fight it back. It got lost in my own comment section so I stupidly didn’t realize. It warmed my heart knowing he’d kept my back even when I never noticed or mentioned it, though he waved it off and just gave me his big old smile telling me it wasn’t that big a deal,

“ After all, you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat!” And he wasn’t wrong. But I still hugged him tight in thanks anyway, an embrace he happily returned as he warned me next time I lied about being harassed there’d be hell to pay.

I assured him there wasn’t going to be a next time anymore and for the first time in months finally wholeheartedly meant it.

The second thing I learned was Jaime told me during those first two days I was locking myself away Damian had gone back to the restaurant and used Bruce’s name to hunt that guy that had been harassing me down and gotten a few hefty harassment charges and minor endangerment charges slapped onto the guy, throwing in a sob story of how I was now in emergency care in the hospital because of him. I knew he didn’t throw his last name around often, didn’t exactly like having to do so to be taken seriously. The fact he did for me…

I had a lot more feelings for Damian after that knowledge.

The third thing I learned was that the only reason Dick and Kori hadn’t come by to check on me yesterday was was because they spent the entire time hunting for Jason to get his help with getting me out, and when they DID find him he stormed for the tower and made it there before they did somehow, he was that angry.

As they were telling me this and retelling a very tense video call between Nightwing and Batman during the second day Damian came in in his full Robin attire, regarding us stoically. When I saw him I stood and the room quieted as I approached him, the both of us observing each other. When we stood a foot apart I stared into his masked eyes quietly and he looked into my tired eyes. I saw his mouth start to open to speak and my body lurched forward without me, hugging onto him tightly.

“Thank you...you didn’t have to do that for me thank you thank you thank you…” He was quiet and I was about to let go and move away when I felt his arm come around me and grip the back of my shirt, returning the embrace. Neither of us was at a point that we were really physically affectionate by any means but my heart swelled when he hugged me back, leaning his head against my own and allowing me to bask in the warmth of his arms and his scent. When I felt him roll his shoulders I took that as my cue and slowly pulled away, gently pressing a kiss to his cheek as I did before retreating back to give him his space.

I think I saw his cheek flare pink but I’ll never say for sure because that would mean admitting just how red my own cheeks were.

I’d love to say that after that everything ended happily and perfectly and things went great forever and ever. But I cant, life doesn’t work like that.

But things did get better.

I was under heavy supervision several weeks, with almost stricter watches on my food intake to make sure I didn’t try to over eat or try to force weight gain. Bruce had me stay with him and Damian for a few weeks as well to make sure I didn’t slip back into that dark place. It was a bit smothering at times...but in all honesty I welcomed the smothering because I knew it meant how much they all cared. And staying with Bruce again...it brought up my mood believe it or not. Being in the manor brought back happier memories of my childhood and seeing the man I considered a fatherly figure more often perked me up. Plus I got to see Tim a lot more than usual in those few weeks, a perk and joy all in itself as he kept me company when he wasn’t too busy with his work. Tim was also the one who disabled all comments on my social medias one calm rainy evening in the lounge. I was grateful and he patted my head after as he read his case files. I think I might’ve fallen asleep against him, I cant say I fully remember. With each passing week I felt better and better. It took a long time for my self esteem and confidence to rebuild itself, but it got some jump starts. Perhaps the best part was two months later after a sparring session with Kori. She was giving me tips on striking with a staff when Dick and the big bad bat Brucie himself walked in.

“ Batman? Has something happened?” He shook his head and put his hand on my shoulder.

“ I’m going to borrow Gracie for a few minutes.” Dick gently took her hand and smiled as he whispered something to her as he led me out of the training room and placed a long bottle of what looked like red chewy vitamins into my hand. When I looked up at him confused he gave me some of the best news of my life.

“ These are specially created vitamins designed to accommodate your body’s inhuman metabolism. Tim helped me create them. They're designed to help regulate fats and carb distribution in your body and allow your body to hold onto and gain more weight without immediately burning it off. Take one every week and in a few months you should be up at least one weight class if not more as long as you keep to your regular healthy eating habits, just like you wanted. By Tim’s calculations within the year you should gain enough weight to have a thicker figure, though you may always retain this thinner “ballet-ques” figure...you will more closely resemble the figure of girls your age.” I stared up at him then at the vitamins and sniffled, fighting off tears of joy. All those weeks with Tim and his seemingly just curious questions about my species and their anatomy...the “ case files”...I owed Tim a lot for this.

“ It was Dick’s idea, after all that happened two months ago.” The softer tone brought a smile to my face and I nodded, barely restraining the urge to hug Bruce while he was in the cowl.

“ T-thank you...thank you this means more to me than you know…” He nodded and turned to leave but I caught the ghost of a smile on his face as he walked away.

And once he had I ran back into the training room and tackled Dick to the ground with a ecstatic howl, shifting mid leap into wolf form and licking his face in gratitude, making him laugh as he lazily tried to push away my affection.

I started taking them that day, and it took a few months for a noticeable difference to take place, but it did. My clothes and uniform stopped hanging off me like a walking scarecrow and I started developing the beginning of a feminine figure. I stopped trying to stuff my face too much at every meal and with every week after my self esteem raised back up a little higher. Maybe people saw it in the big, wide crooked smiles in pictures of me now, no matter who they were with. Or maybe the team saw it in the fact I stopped trying to hide my body in layers of clothes, walking around in my favorite tank top after missions instead of over sized sweatshirts and shirts, or the fact I didn't mind sudden pictures taken of me. Regardless it showed and in time I was more than happy to show off that confidence. Throughout it all Jason made near constant visits between jobs to make sure I didn’t have too major of setbacks and Dick stayed by my side as often as he could, supporting me and being a physical reminder almost that I was never alone.

And I didn't feel alone.

And one day as I was getting ready for an outing I paused in front of the mirror and looked at myself, looked at my slightly more filled out tank top and the small curve of slightly more defined hips and an actually fairly filled out stomach, a fuller figure to match my broader than normal shoulders. I slowly looked into my own eyes and after a moment I began to smile.

Somehow….I didn't hate looking into the mirror as much as I used to.

“ I do not look that bad. I look fine.”

“ Gracie c’mon you coming? C’mon the others are gonna leave without us!”

I smiled at my reflection wider before running off out of the room after Jaime’s voice.

“ Im coming!!”

I dont look that bad.

And now I could finally start to see that.

The end.

OOOOOOOH ITS FINALLY DONE ITS FINALLY DONE!

Ive been working on this for three months now and it was really difficult to finish. Originally it wasnt supposed to be so angsty but...it turned out really angsty at the end.

@phantommoonpeople

@kid-crashed

@call-me-n0ni-chan

Tagging those I know will want to read this

I hope you all like it!!

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thelifetimechannel · 7 years ago

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#tlcstuck #kanaya maryam #davesprite #walkaround 1

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mechagalaxy · 4 years ago

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Sten Hugo Hiller - 627184: Mountain Climbing Mecha Combat #1350

(By Sten Hugo Hiller - 627184) Mountain Climbing Mecha Combat #1350 Brought to you by ANN Highlighting the July 3364 Point Mech Panic As usual, at the end of the war we were given an event where we only had to bring one Mech to the arena. Whether the Mech was working or not was not an issue, we just had to get it there. And yes, we were allowed to bring a full formation, but only Mechs placed in the uppermost rightmost position would be allowed to fight. Or in my case, allowed to be shot to pieces. This was due to the fact that excepting Yusuke Paul Okabayashi from M&L Team Banzai (who is a teror on his own), all the other contestants on Mount Olympus had licences at least twice as high as mine. That ment their Mechs at a rough average had twice the armor and twice the armament that we could bring, which translates into their Mechs being insanely faster than mine. But we had signed up fairly early. More than half of the rest of the contestants arrived after us, but after we had been pushed sufficiently far out onto the plains none bothered us any more. As the Scramble aproeached my Fext was prepared to give me the best poosible shots. Fast Critweapons and top crit-enhancing equipment were installed, and we were ready to rock and roll. Dont really know why I bothered. Two dozen attacks initiated, not a single shot launched. That is what speed advantage means. But my crew had plenty of time to get us some footage, and later revieving showed that those standing highest when the dust settled had been: Div 1 392+ (34 Commanders): Were Wolf, M&L Team Banzai (Penner)(15s) 2: Roy Cheah 3: Sal Vezzosi Jr 4: Robert C Goetz Sr 5: David Cox 6: Fabio Favaro 7: Claude Poirier 8: Holy-Damn 9: Dan Ross 10: Jay Fleharty Div 2 -391 (12 Commanders): Stroker Spot, Death Dealers (Charon)(1m,39s) Div 3 -295 (19 Commanders): Darryl Proctor, Northwind Dragons (Boreas)(2s) Div 4 -211 (15 Commanders): Bob Goetz, Death`s Dealers (Penner)(15m,27s) Div 5 -165 (37 Commanders): Albores Jam, M&L B.C. 13th A.D. (Fext)(4m,25s) Div 6 -115 (29 Commanders): Monte Wehr, Death`s Disciples (Antithesis)(29s) Div 7 -85 (31 Commanders): Jarem Launda, M&L NecroManiacs (Fext)(<1s) Div 8 -56 (14 Commanders): RobertGoetz, I.N.A. (Dilophos)(6h,24m) Div 9 -36 (18 Commanders): allanbrainstorm, I.N.A. (Dilophos)(17h,52m) Div 10 -24 (14 Commanders): Al Layton, *R.V.* (Inferno)(17h,51m) Div 11 -13 (14 Commanders): Mike Jones (Red Ant)(1d,1h) Total Contestants: 237 Total medals claimed: 159 (of 165 possible) Compared to the mid-war Frontline event, the participation dropped by a handful. And even though there were plenty Commanders present, the imbalance between the tops still resulted in a total of six Bronzes ending unclaimed. Those were later returned for resmelting. The mostwinning Mech model this time was a three-way tie between the Penner, Fext and Dilophos. All of them claimed two Golds each. The sole standard model to claim a Gold was the 10 ton Red Ant. The last half-hour saw the seven top Golds changing hands repeatedly, four of them not decided until less than a half-minute before the light flashed. The other four Golds were all held for at least two hours, one of them for more than a day. Was this a case of strong winners, or a lack of fighting spirit? As always, hard to tell. But we might get a better idea if we look at the number of medals held for more than 30 minutes in this event: .............Silvers......Bronzes Div 1 ....0 of 4.........5 of 10 Div 2 ....2 of 4.........6 of 7 Div 3 ....0 of 4.........7 of 10 Div 4 ....1 of 4.........7 of 10 Div 5 ....1 of 4.........5 of 10 Div 6 ....0 of 4.........5 of 10 Div 7 ....2 of 4.........8 of 10 Div 8 ....4 of 4.........9 of 9 Div 9 ....4 of 4.......10 of 10 Div 10 ..4 of 4.........9 of 9 Div 11 ..4 of 4.........9 of 9 In this case it definitively looks like a lack of fighting spirit. On the four lowest tops not even one succesfull medal attack was launched. At the other end of the scale we had Mount Olympus, K3, K5 and K6 where the action was fierce enough to put most of the medals into fresh hands. Both the Death Dealers (K2 + K4) and the Indo Nusa Alliance (K8 + K9) managed to bring home a double Gold from this event. The sole repeat winner was Albores Jam from Myth and Legends Black Cats 13th Armored Division who won on K5. We also had an unaligned winner; Mike Jones on K11 who held the top with a Red Ant for more than a day. Upcoming event: 35 Alive Chrono As most of us have come to fear, when the Raid gets going we get a lowtonnage Chrono. This time only Mechs massing 35 tons or less will be allowed to fight on the mountains. The good part is that it is a fairly short Chrono, so hopefully we can soon get back to dishing out maximum mathem to the raiders. The bad news is that it is a short Chrono, so sign up immediately and get into correct formation ASAP if you want some of the (good) prizes. Event ends October 23 between 1100 and 1130 New York Time

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worldwrestlingfanatic · 6 years ago

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Fastlane 2019 Predictions

I'm way late to be giving my predictions considering the event starts in just a couple hours. I was going to do it last night but my power/internet went out and I couldn't, but hey, I'm doing it now!

Pre-Show:

New Day (Big E & Xavier) vs. Rusev & Shinsuke Nakamura

I have no idea why these teams are fighting. Given, I dont always watch the weekly shows but I catch up on rivalries and major news from the Raws and SmackDowns and I can not come to any conclusions as to why these teams are facing off. I'm gonna say New Day wins. Kofi's in the middle of a big push so I feel that will also translate to the rest of the team so I'm gonna say Big E and Xavier are gonna pick up some wins going into WrestleMania so they can challenge for the SmackDown tag team titles.

Rey Mysterio vs. Andrade

This should not be a preshow match, these two have the potential to really put on some match of the year contenders. I'm going to say Rey wins this match. If I'm not mistaken, the last time these two went one on one, Andrade won. I predict Rey gets his win back tonight and they have the final match of their feud at WrestleMania.

Main-Show:

The Revival (C) vs. Bobby Roode & Chad Gable vs. Aleister Black & Ricochet

Maybe I'm way too nitpicky but I hate that Aleistar and Ricochet are a tag team. They can do incredible work as singles stars but for whatever reason they're a team with no backstory and not really that much chemistry either. I'm gonna say Revival wins and retains. The Revival is such a great team who can really legitimize the Raw tag titles and believe me, the Raw tag titles need to be legitimized badly. I'm confused why Bobby and Gable are even still a team when they could really be tearing it up as singles stars. I get Raw doesn't really have much as far a tag division goes but that doesn't mean you should throw two guys together just because you don't have anything for them as far as singles storylines. I believe the Revival should retain and someone should really look into getting legit tag team stars on Raw to strengthen the tag division and give the Revival some interesting opponents.

Bayley & Sasha Banks (C) vs. Nia Jax & Tamina

I know Bayley and Sasha have a tag team name, I just dont want to refer to them by that name because it's one of the worst tag names I have ever heard. I say Bayley and Sasha win and retain. These womans tag titles are new and the first team to hold them (in this case, Bayley and Sasha) should have a nice, long title reign to lay the foundation and prove that these championships mean something and they're worth having/fighting for.

The Usos (C) vs. The Miz & Shane McMahon

Another tag team title match. That's three tag title matches and four tag team matches overall if you count the pre-show. I predict the Usos retain. Maybe theres some miscommunication between Miz and Shane that will set them on a course for match a WrestleMania but no matter how it happens, I see the Usos winning tonight. I've loved the Usos ever since they first joined SmackDown after the draft and had their gimmick changed. They're great as champions and can put on some amazing matches. Honestly if it were me booking, I would give the Usos a pretty lengthy run with the titles.

Asuka (C) vs. Mandy Rose

I think this one is kind of up in the air. Mandy Rose has been getting much better as of late and shes been dominating her competition over on SmackDown and Asuka has been barely promoted. I feel like Asuka will retain though and they might have a rematch at WrestleMania because they just haven't booked anyone else to even be considered a possibility to be Asuka's Mania opponent. They could change after this event but I'm pretty sure they'll just extend this feud to Mania.

The Shield vs. Bobby Lashley, Baron Corbin & Drew McIntyre

I dont really see a real possibility of the shield losing this match. Dean was the hesitant one to get the team back together so maybe they'll try to do a twist ending and have Dean screw the team over but this is Roman's first match back so I'm pretty sure they'll play safe and go with the feel good moment and have the shield win.

Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair

I am just upset with how this feud has been playing out. Becky won the Royal Rumble yet shes the one fighting for the chance to get the title match at Mania. People were going to be happy with Ronda vs. Becky but for whatever reason Charlotte has been added to the mix. Her addition to this feud just feels forced and unwanted. I dont hate Charlotte, I think she's a great wrestler, I just dont understand why she has to be apart of this feud. This match depends on how many extra turns WWE wants to throw into this feud. I feel like theres a 100% chance an interference takes place, whether its during or after the match is where I'm unsure. If its during the match, Becky will probably lose but if we make it through the whole match with no interference, Becky wins. I know for sure Becky will still be in the title match if she wins here or not, if she loses then WWE just really wants to throw as many twists into this as they can. But I predict Becky will win and then get attacked by Ronda after the match.

Daniel Bryan (C) vs. Kevin Owens

I wanna be excited and say this will be a killer match but I'm just unsure about the quality of the matches in WWE anymore. Theres a long list of feuds WWE had going on within the past 2-3 years that led to extremely underwhelming matches. AJ vs. Samoa Joe, AJ vs. Kevin Owens, AJ vs. Nakamura, Daniel Bryan vs. AJ, Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose, the list goes on and on. Whether or not the match is actually good, I cant predict, but I'm pretty confident in saying Daniel Bryan will win and retain the WWE championship and probably face Kofi Kingston at WrestleMania.

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survivorjordanpines · 7 years ago

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Adam’s Jury Answers

Emma:

Sorry not sorry guys, I have to do this. Emma babe, this one's for you https://media.giphy.com/media/KIjiO0w6YHRew/giphy.gif

Ruthie, normally everyone loves goats, but only you could make keeping you at final tribal seem baaaaaaaaaaad

Ryan Teddy Palmer, the man with a position so secure in the game, he survived one alliance voting him out, only to be voted out next round by the one that was saving him!

Gage, didnt you know that when you're a pawn you actually need to get to the end of the board to be useful???

Raffy, maybe if you didn't take so many naps, you could have opened your eyes and seen the blindside coming!

Charlotte, you were so paranoid this game that when you wasted my extra vote and helped me rock out, I was convinced that playing bad was all just an elaborate ruse!

Chaos Casey, with how irrelevant you were before you were rocked out, you can be the next washup cast on Tumblr Survivor: Where are they now?

Regan, whenever you speak to me I always want to know more about you. Like, are you always this way?

And to top it all off!

Emma, thank god you were the closest thing to a uninmous vote we had this game. Otherwise we might have forgotten you played!

Casey:

Oh it's coming >:)

Regan:

Haha Regan I love you. You're so weird and quirky and I just dig it. Like I can only really translate half of this but I get the general idea.

Heart to heart, you were my original plan for a final 2. I got along really well with Charlotte and Kage too, but they got voted out while I was away and I got voted out while Charlotte was away so that didn't work out. You remember that right? Well point being after I came back and Jaiden was telling me about how he and Kage were using my name to throw lies out there, and I came right to you, I really thought we were squared away. And when you voted me out I just chalked it up to that being your plan all along, because they even said in the vote outs that you guys didn't want me to meet up with my friends on the other tribe. Jokes on you guys though because we live to vote eachother out. But anyway, when I came back in the game, if you had been on my tribe it probably wouldve been you i told about my idol. It just wasn't in the cards though, and I shacked up with Charlotte and Drew. I told you a lot of things, but I told a lot of people a lot of things. It was one big info trading roulette and no matter what the biggest scores I brought home to m main alliance.

So it didn't work out between us this time, but really I'm just a fireball in games. I kinda do whatever I want. I think I could've come into FTC a lot stronger if I had played by the book, but I get bored very easily. I don't want to do unfun things in the game because honestly getting to the end feeling like you did everything right and still losing is very disheartening. So maybe it was a little self-sabotage mixed with some impulsive things for laughs, but I can live with my decisions. I had a fun game and I made it to the end. If I can fuck shit up along the way then hey let's light this city on fire. Maybe next game we play together we can be wingmen and paint the town red. Until then keep doing what you're doing girl. And hey, if you feel like, who cares, just vote for Adam. After all, fuck it

P.S. I love that you called me Russell. I was actually going to pick him for my icon but usually in games people are sketched when you do that so I've since stopped and let Jordan pick my icon. But you see right through me ;)

Ryan:

Honestly, the most fun I have in these games is just hanging out over the period of the game! I've always gotten rather drained when it comes to prolonged social interactions, so having a group of friendly people just online hanging out all the time is really fun! It's a very no-pressure environment to just chime in and joke around with people and like, that's absolutely part of what made this season so great! If a tribe chat is dead or like it's just full of a few people dominating the conversation, it's no fun at all. But we did it right because no matter what kind of game drama was going on someone would be cracking jokes in our Jordan Pines chat. That's what games should be like. Cuz no matter what we're all just here to have a good time, so when people get too upset about these games it makes me sad. This stuff was created and put together by people like us so we could all enjoy Survivor, so just have fun with the game and be friends! You might even meet a fewpeople who are really worth it

Charlotte:

No worries Charlotte I love you too! I told you this when you visited me on Redemption but even after a few frustrating moves we made together I couldn't dislike you if I tried.

I am sorry about the rites of passage, doing things last minute has been an accidental pattern these few days cuz there's so much stuff to do back to back. I regret being so busy at work that I just wrote them on my phone whenever I had the chance, but I actually didn't intend to write much anyway. I'm sure it could've done with more polishing but I wanted to leave it lighthearted and leave the serious talk for tribal. I admittedly didn't know the custom was to write a paragraph for everyone and I guess brash quips were just more my style. I didn't mean to make it seem like I didn't care about this game.

But anyway, I doubt we'll talk much after this game but with any luck we'll see eachother in another game someday! I'll miss being inspired to see movies after hearing about all the ones you are going to. We had some good times in hats sweets, and games aside I'll always treasure genuine friendship interactions. It's been a pleasure spending time with you and if you ever wanna take a dip on the wild side again dont be afraid to help a hater out ;)

It's been fun hanging out all season Char Char <3

Ari:

I can see how me mostly just winning redemption challenges and being a dick could outshine my social achievements, but I'm glad you asked! From right when I got back into the game pre-merge, I immediately set myself up with two alliances. One Ryan invited me into, with his icon friends yourself and Emma, to have "majority" on the tribe, and my real alliance with Charlotte and Drew, whom I planned to go to the end with and shared my idol with. I also made friends with Gage and Raffy and even Jaiden who my alliance wasn't decided on voting out. At merge I met up with Jess, who I spent a lot of time with planning out island excursions so we could find all of the claws, and Regan who I stuck close to because I wasn't sure when she could be voted out. I also spent a lot of time trading info with Raffy and Gage, though I really only shared information that was useless or they couldve gotten from someone else. I continued to draw a lot of information from our horsehuman alliance, mainly information about claws and the isle because votes were obvious and it was just whether we wanted to go with majority or show our hand and vote someone else out. My alliance with Drew and Charlotte was constantly the deciding votes, and we only needed to reveal ourselves when suddenly we were being targeted.

Lastly with me talking with Raffy and Gage and them also talking to Drew/Charlotte seperately, we talked them both into making alliances and "bringing us together" (one alliance with Gage and one without) so that way we wouldn't have to seem connected but we still would get Raffy's vote for our own ends. Really my only mistake in alliances was you Ari. After voting out Ryan I was suspicious you would be talking to Jess and Ruthie about going against me, since I voted out your closest ally, yet still underestimated how likely you were to betray me when the chaos idol came out. Originally in my alliance with raffy gage charlotte and drew, each of us was going to vote for one person, but I wanted to do duos with gage/raffy and charlotte/drew so i could say i was voting for you. In reality I meant to betray you so you would be rocked out alone while me drew and charlotte voted in a threeway. However, in the final hour of tribal me and charlotte got into an argument and at the last moment i agreed to just self vote and charlotte would jsut vote drew, which she didn't even end up doing! So our alliance crumbled because when we should have just all 3 voted eachother charlotte got 3 votes and me and drew went to rocks. And the rest is history.

So I knew you could have been colluding with Jess and Ruthie but honestly didn't think you had the moxie. Well played

Rafael:

That's okay Raffy. I guess if all you have to do to win survivor is win immunities then do your thing. I'm more of a showman and I strive to make the game something great. And it totally was! This is probably the best org I've ever played, for so many reasons.

I want to remind you that I once told you I live to entertain. So I ask you, https://info.umkc.edu/unews/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/oS3Qd2AZZ-620x396.png

But I hope you know I had such a fun time talking with you! I wish we had gotten deeper into a videogame discussion because I think we overlap in more areas than one, but I always loved having you around! Too bad everyone else would have loved you too and there's really only room for one Jordan hate up here. But hey, no reason to let that keep you from rooting for the home team ;)

Gage:

I'd vote for Jess. See: http://survivorjordanpines.tumblr.com/post/170099908090/jessicas-opening-speech

Ruthie:

Thanks Ruthie! You know me and you never really played the game together but it was always really pleasant to just pop in on each other! I felt like we were old friends catching up for tea while the world raged on. I enjoyed what little time we spent together <3

#supportyourlocaljordanpines

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adambstingus · 7 years ago

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The age of banter

The long read: It used to be just a word now it is a way of life. But is it time to get off the banter bus?

Its the most fucking ridiculous story, isnt it? We went to watch fucking dolphins, and we ended up in fucking Syria. Last summer in the Mediterranean party resort of Ayia Napa, Lewis Ellis was working as a club rep. I mean, it was fucking 8am, he told an Australian website soon afterwards, and the last fucking club had closed, and we thought, We can still go dolphin watching. Well blag our way on to a fucking boat and go dolphin watching.

But when the boat sailed so far that Cyprus disappeared from view, Ellis explained, they started to worry. Why are we so far from land? they asked the crew. Were fucking miles away and weve got no fucking wifi. Something, Ellis said, had been lost in translation; his exuberant season as a shepherd for the resorts party pilgrims had gone terribly awry. The crew wasnt taking them to watch dolphins: they were going to a Russian naval base in the city of Tartus, on Syrias Mediterranean coast. Yeah, it is a little ridiculous.

It was, nonetheless, a story that had legs. Hungover lads boat trip boob lands them in Syria, wahey-ed the Mirror; British holidaymakers board party boat in Ayia Napa and end up in war-torn SYRIA, guffawed the Express. If you saw these headlines at the time, you may dimly remember the rest. A stubborn trawler captain, chugging doggedly onwards to Tartus, where he turfed the friends out upon landing; interrogation at the hands of Russian intelligence officers; mutual hilarity as the Russians realised what had happened; and, after a hot meal, a quick tour of the area, and a good nights sleep, spots on the next fishing vessel headed back to Cyprus. It was never made clear why the captain had let them on the boat in the first place, but whatever. Everyone lapped it up.

Reflecting on the whole thing five months later, Ellis, a 26-year-old with a business degree and a marketing masters, couldnt totally wrap his head around it. I think I found 35 stories about us, he told me. I read about myself in the Hawaiian Express, do you know what I mean? (Notwithstanding that there doesnt appear to be any such newspaper, yes, I definitely do.)

What made it really weird to see the media pile in with such unstinting enthusiasm was that the story was total cobblers. I could not believe how gullible they were, Ellis said, a top note of glee still in his voice. We were just having a laugh! It was banter!

Lads: this is the age of banter. Its long been somewhat about the banter, but over the last few years, it has come to seem that its all about the banter an unabashedly bumptious attitude that took up a position on the outskirts of the culture in the early 90s and has been larging its way towards the centre ever since. There are hundreds of banter groups on Facebook, from Banter Britain (no memes insinuating child abuse/dead babies!!!) to Wanker Banter 18+ (Have a laugh and keep it sick) to the Premier League Banter Page (The only rule: keep it banter). You can buy an I banter mug on Amazon for 9, or an Archbishop of Banterbury T-shirt for 9.99.

There are now four branches of a restaurant called Scoff & Banter. When things were going badly at Chelsea FC under Jos Mourinho, it was reported the team had banned all banter in an attempt to focus their minds, and that terminology appeared in the newspapers, as if you would know exactly what it meant. Someone has created a banter map of London using a keyword search on the flatshare website SpareRoom, showing exactly where people are looking for a roommate with good banter (Clapham tends to feature prominently). When a 26-year-old man from Leeds posed for a selfie with a bemused aeroplane hijacker, Vice declared it the high-water mark of banter.

Lewis Ellis (left) and friends in Ayia Napa, pretending to be in Syria. Photograph: Lewis Ellis

If you are younger than about 35, you are likely to hear the term all the time. Either you have banter (if you are funny and can take a joke) or you dont (if you arent and cannot). The mainstream, in summary, is now drunk and asleep on the sofa, and banter is delightedly drawing a penis on its forehead.

As banter has risen, it has expanded. Long a word used to describe submerged expressions of fraternal love, it is now also a word used to excuse uninhibited displays of masculine bravado. Today, it is segregated by class, seized on by brands, picked over by psychologists, and deplored by cultural critics; it is dominant, hotly contested and only hazily understood.

And so, whether he intends it to or not, Ellis use of the term raises some questions. Is he throwing his lot in with the most pervasive branch of the blokeish mainstream, a sanitised and benevolent hilarity that stretches from lad-dad panel shows to your mates zinger about your terrible haircut? Or is he lining up with the misogynist imitators of the Bullingdon club, a sprinkling of racists, and, as we shall see, an actual murderer purveyors of a malicious and insidious masculinity that insists on its indivisible authority and calls you a slut if you object?

Ellis isnt preoccupied by these questions, but for what its worth, he does say that he and his friends never had the slightest intention of going to Syria. We werent really trying to fool anyone, he told me, although Im not sure thats entirely consistent with the facts. We were out for a stroll, and we came across this area that looked really run down, we thought it looked like Syria. So we put it on the club reps [Facebook] page that thats where we were. And everyone started liking it. And then one of the people who contacted us was from LADBible which is like the Bible, but for LADS so we said, well have a mess around here. Well tell a completely ridiculous story, see if the media believes it. See if we can become LADBible famous.

It did, they could. Eventually, the truth came out, not thanks to any especially determined investigative journalism, but because Ellis cheerily admitted on Facebook that his tale of magnificent idiocy was a fiction. Hahaha what a prank, he wrote, with some justification.

The confession only brought another cycle of attention. Publications that had picked up the story in the first place resurfaced it with new headlines to reflect the audacity of the invention; social media users adduced it as evidence for their views of young men, or the media, or both. The Russian embassys Twitter account called it a telling example of how many Syria (and Russia) stories are made up by UK papers, which was great geopolitical banter. The attention entertained Ellis, but he says it wasnt the point. We just thought it was funny, he said. People are too serious. I keep being told to grow up, but I still want to have a good time. Ive had the jobs, Ive got the education. But when Im off work, I want to escape.

Ellis is an enthusiast and an optimist. He is, he told me late last year, desperate to take every opportunity, just to say yes to everything I can. We were on a night out in Manchester with his friends Tyson, John and Chris. In the course of the evening, the following things found their way into my beer: fingers; salt; vinegar; mayonnaise; a chip; saliva; a 10 note; and, I hazily remember being told after the fact, at least two shots of vodka.

Everyones got a thing in the group, Ellis said, as we walked from one bar to the next. One guy, hes not even that ugly, we say he looks like a Peperami. Tysons got this mole on his face, its like a Coco Pop, so youve got a Coco Pop on your face. I looked like Harry Potter when I was a kid, so they call me Potter, thats my nickname. Every single one of us has something. So you youve got Chinese eyes. Youre Chinese.

For the record, I didnt think this was OK, but coming after such a harmless litany, it didnt seem malicious enough to confront. Of course, tacit endorsement is what makes such offensive epithets a commonplace, and so it troubles me that it made me feel mysteriously welcome, just as it had when John punched me lightly in the balls when I arrived. There was no doubting Elliss sincerity: as he spoke, the sheer daft beauty of male friendship seemed to amaze him, almost to the point of physical pain. We just take the piss out of each other, and thats how we show our love, he said. So many group chats on the phone, and you just take the piss until they cry. And its like, when youre really killing them, you go, Ill stop if you want, because you know they cant say yes, so you just keep going. Then we arrived at the next bar, where I was made to drink something called a Zombie.

Early in the evening, before any of this had undermined my ability to take useful notes, Ellis broke off from talking as we walked down the street and sidled into a window display at Next Home, where he Tracey Emined a carefully made bed by climbing into it and rolling around. Everyone cracked up. Give the world a laugh, Ellis tends to think, and the world will smile back at you. Jump on a boat, and youll end up somewhere great; make the boat up, and youll get there faster. Its all about having fun, its all about the banter, he said, after hed rejoined us outside. Banter is about making the world a more exciting place.

If nobody can agree on what banter is, thats hardly a new problem. The first usage of the word recorded in the Oxford English Dictionary comes from noted Restoration lad Thomas dUrfey, also known for his hit song The Fart, in a satirical 1677 play called Madam Fickle. Banter him, banter him, Toby, a character called Zechiel urges, which may be the first time that someone called Toby was so instructed, but certainly wasnt the last.

The OED also notes early attempts at a definition by Jonathan Swift and Samuel Johnson. (Swift mentions a banter upon transubstantiation, in which a cork is turned into a horse, and fair enough, turning a cork into a horse would be classic banter.) Both are a little disgusted by the word, and neither unearths much of an origin story: by their accounts, banter is so coarse that it emerged, fully formed and without antecedent, out of the mouths of oafs.

As it turns out, though, the OED is not at present fully able to handle the banter. According to Eleanor Maier, an associate editor on the dictionary, a search of earlier English texts reveals that a number of previous examples are missing from the dictionarys definition, which was first drafted in 1885 including a quote from a 1657 translation of Don Quixote. (After examining the history, Maier told me that she would be adding banter to the list of entries that are up for review.)

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In recent years, banter has barged into our lives at a remarkable clip. Googles Ngram Viewer, a tool that assesses (with some limitations) the frequency with which a term appears in a large database of written sources, finds that banter popped up about twice as often in 2008, the most recent year covered, as it did in 1980.

But banter plugged away for a long time before it became an overnight success. In the 19th century, it often denoted a kind of formal sparring. Even as the term evolved over the 20th, it continued to seem a little prim. In the House of Commons in 1936, Ramsay MacDonald, the former Labour prime minister who had returned in a new seat after losing his old one, was subjected to a good deal of banter Dear old Granny MacDonald!, among other witticisms.In 1981, a Guardian report that chess champion Anatoly Karpov and his handlers had successfully protested at his challenger Viktor Korchnois constant cross-board talk ran under the unlikely headline: Chess banter banned.

Such stories do little to prepare us for what banter has become. Consider the viral video that became known as #bagelgate earlier this year. In the recording, a minor scuffle broke out on the 00.54 train from Kings Cross to Huntingdon, and then for no obviously related reason a woman who had a large bag of bagels decided to put one on the head of the guy sitting in front of her, and then another after he took it off and threw it out of the window, and another and another, and then everyone in the carriage started chanting hes got a bagel on his head, and eventually the slightly spoddy victim who is me when I was 13 and someone filled my pencil case with Mr Kipling apple pies (squashed, oozing) because I was fat lost it and screamed Get the fuck out of my face!, and then another fight broke out on the platform, and then the police got on to the train, and every single person fell into not-me-guv silence: this is not Granny MacDonalds banter any more.

If it is hard to understand how these activities can fall under the same umbrella, it should be noted that a phenomenon may predate our choice of term to describe it its just that the act of definition makes it more visible, and perhaps more likely to be imitated. At some point, though, banter became the name for what British men already regarded as their natural tone of voice. There is a very deeply embedded folk culture in the UK of public ribaldry, extreme sarcasm, facetiousness in other words, of laddishness, says Tony Thorne, a linguist and cultural historian. What you might think of as banter now is rooted in that tradition.

That tradition first lashed itself to banters mast in the early 1990s, and controversy soon followed. In June 1992, a Guardian story headlined Police fire sex banter officer, about the dismissal of a sergeant for sexual harassment, recorded an early skirmish in the modern banter wars, and an important new layer to its meaning in the wild: The move is seen as part of the Metropolitan polices desire to reassure women officers that what has previously been tolerated as banter is no longer acceptable. Two years later, the lads mags arrived.

The first edition of Loaded magazine appeared in May 1994, with a picture of Gary Oldman on the front smoking a dog-end, under a banner that declared him a super lad. What fresh lunacy is this? the editors note read. Loaded is a new magazine dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of sex, drink, football and less serious matters Loaded is for the man who believes he can do anything, if only he wasnt hungover.

If banter dismays you, James Brown, the magazines first editor, is quite an easy bogeyman. As he acknowledges himself, he created a title that defined a genre. Loaded was swiftly recognised as a foundational text for a resurgent and ebullient masculinity that had been searching for public expression. While it was always overtly horny, the magazine was initially more interested in a forlorn, slackjawed and self-ironising appreciation of A-listers (one reversible poster had Cindy Crawford on one side and a steam train on the other) than the grot-plus-football formula that successors and imitators like Maxim, Zoo and Nuts milked to destruction. But it also flirted with something murkier.

To its critics, Loaded and its imitators aimed to sanitise a certain hooliganistic worldview with a strategic disclaimer. Banter emerges as this relentless gloss of irony over everything, said Bethan Benwell, senior lecturer in language and linguistics at the University of Stirling and the author of several papers on mens magazines. The constant excusing of sexist or homophobic sentiments with this wink that says you dont really mean it. Benwell pointed to Loadeds emblematic strapline: For men who should know better.

Brown denies that his magazine invented banter. Instead, he says, it captured a zeitgeist that the media had previously failed to acknowledge; the folk culture that Tony Thorne refers to, brought out into the open. Before Browns intervention, GQ had run John Major and Michael Heseltine as cover stars, for Gods sake. I took the interests and the outlook of the young men that I knew, and I put them in a magazine, Brown said. Im not responsible for the tone of the later entrants to the market. We were criticised because we fancied women, not because we belittled them.

The thing about Loaded was that the way we wrote reflected the way we were with our mates, he went on. Theres definitely a thing that exists in the male outlook: you take the piss out of the people you like, and you ignore the people you dont.

Accept this as your starting point, and objections become exhausting to sustain: what youre objecting to is an act of affection. Of course, this is what makes it insidious. Because Browns account rests on the intention behind the magazine, and Benwells on the effect it had, they are impossible to reconcile. Its a very difficult thing to resist or challenge without looking like the stereotypical humourless feminist, said Benwell. But by laughing, you become complicit.

Loaded gave this new kind of banter escape velocity, and it began to colonise other worlds. On BBC2, for example, David Baddiel and Frank Skinner were staking out their own territory with Fantasy Football League, a mixture of sketches and celebrity chat that managed to be enthusiastic and satirical at the same time, and reached its peak when the pair became national icons, thanks to their Euro 96 anthem, Three Lions. While a long-running joke about the Nottingham Forest striker Jason Lees pineapple haircut seems flatly racist in retrospect Baddiel did an impression of him in blackface by and large, the tone was milder and more conventional than the magazines were: this was the sensibility of the university graduate slumming it before embarking on grown-up life.

Baddiel implied that laddism could easily occupy a spectrum from ogling to literature, drawing a line to Nick Hornbys memoir of life as an Arsenal fan, Fever Pitch. Hornby once said to me that all this stuff you know, fantasy football and his book is men talking about things that they like and for a while in the mid-80s they werent allowed to, he said in 1995. Ive always liked football and Ive always liked naked women, and its easier to talk about that now than it was eight years ago. Those comments reflect a kind of sneer at its critics that you could often detect in Fantasy Football League, even as its hosts protested that they were just having a laugh though Baddiel himself denies that view. Twenty years on, he, like Brown, is at pains to draw a line between the approach that he and Skinner popularised, and the forms that came later. I guess me and Frank did specialise in banter, he said in an email. In a time before it was known as bantz.

Over the next 10 years, two things happened that ushered in the age of banter. (You might call it mature banter, except that its also the opposite.) First, instead of just being a thing that happened, it became a thing that people talked about. Then, as it became a more tangible cultural product, everyone started trying to make money out of it. The watershed moment, the forms equivalent to Dylan going electric, was the invention of Dave.

Like most good ideas, it looks simple enough in retrospect. Before Dave was Dave, it was UKTV Gold 2. The predecessor channels audience share was 0.761%, and no one could tell who on earth it was supposed to be for. But we had the content, says Steve North, the channels brand manager in 2007 and content of a particular kind that the existing name did very little to communicate: Have I Got News for You, They Think Its All Over, Top Gear. Viewers said they loved the repartee, the humour. It reminded them of spending time with their funniest friends.

The first issue of Loaded magazine, from May 1994

The target audience was highly specific. It was men married or in relationships, maybe with young children, not going to the pub as much as they used to, says Andy Bryant, managing director of Red Bee, the agency brought in to work on the rebrand. And they missed that camaraderie.

Their purpose thus fixed, North started to run brainstorming sessions at which people would shout out suggestions for the name. One of the ones we collected was Dave, he says. We thought, great, but we cant call it that. But then we thought, Its a surrogate friend. If the audience really sees it as that, if they see it as genuinely providing the banter, maybe we can really give it a name.

They put their hunch through its paces. The market research company YouGov was commissioned to test Dave alongside a bunch of other names (Matthew and Kevin were also on the shortlist), but nothing else had the same everyman resonance. For us, Dave is a sensibility, a place, an emotion, a feeling, said North, his tone thoughtful, almost gnomic. Everyone has their own sense of who Dave is, thats the important thing. Its hard to find anyone who doesnt know someone called Dave.

Now the channel had a brand, it needed a slogan. Lots of people claim they played a part in the naming, says Bryant. But it was just as important to encapsulate what the channel was all about. And at some point someone, I dont know who, wrote it on a board: The home of witty banter. The rebrand added 8m new viewers in six months; Dave saw a 71% increase in its target audience of affluent young men.

Conceived by the first generation of senior professionals to have grown up with banter as an unremarkable part of their demographics cultural mix, the channel crystallised a change, and accelerated it. In 2006, The Ricky Gervais Show, in which Gervais and Stephen Merchant relentlessly poked fun at their in-house idiot savant Karl Pilkington, became the most popular podcast of all time. In 2007, the year of Daves rebrand, Top Gears ratings shot from below 5m to a record high of 8m. The following year, QI moved from BBC4 to BBC2. (A tie-in book published the same year, QI: Advanced Banter, sold more than 125,000 copies.)

North saw the kind of fraternal teasing that was being monetised by his channel, and the panel shows that were its lifeblood, as fundamentally benign. The key thing is that its two-way, he said. Its about two people riffing off each other.

But like his 20th-century forebears, he can see that something ugly has evolved, and he wants to keep his brand well away from it. Bants, he said with distaste. That thing of cover for dubious behaviour we hate and despise it massively. When we launched, it was about fun, being light-hearted, maybe pushing each other without being disrespectful. When people talk about Ive had a go at that person, great banter no, thats just nasty.

By the turn of the decade,as other branding agencies mimicked the success of Dave, banter was everywhere, a folk tradition that had acquired a peculiar sort of respectability. The men who celebrated it werent just lads in the pub any more: they had spending power and establishment allies on their side. But they were, by the same token, more visible to critics. Aggression from an underdog can be overlooked; aggression from the establishment is serious enough to become a matter of public concern.

Take Richard Keys and Andy Gray, Sky Sports brand-defining football presenters, who got themselves up to their necks in some extremely bad banter in 2011. Keys blamed dark forces, but everyone else blamed him and Gray for being misogynists. We knew this because there was footage.

The firestorm, as Keys called it, centred on claims that the two men had said and done heinously sexist things off-air. Most memorable, at least for its phrase-making, was the clip in which Keys eagerly asked his fellow pundit Jamie Redknapp if hed smashed it it being a woman and asserted that he could often be found hanging out the back of it.

Gray went quickly. In the days before he followed, Keys burned hot with injustice in a series of mea-sorta-culpas, particularly focused on the tape in which he expressed his derision at the idea that a woman, Sian Massey-Ellis, could be an assistant referee in the Premier League.

It was just banter, he said. Or, more exactly, just a bit of banter, as he said Massey-Ellis had assured him she understood in a later telephone conversation in which, he added, much banter passed between us. She and I enjoyed some banter, he protested. It was lads-mag banter, he insisted. It was stone-age banter, he admitted. We liked to have banter, he explained. Richard Keys was sorry if you were offended, but also, it wasnt his fault if you didnt get it. It was just banter, for goodness sake!

Up to their necks in some extremely bad banter Andy Gray and Richard Keys in 2011. Photograph: Richard Saker/Rex

Keys insistence that his mistake was simply a failure to move with the times was nothing new: banter has always seemed to carry a longing for the past, for an imagined era before male friendship was so cramped by the tiresome obligations of feminist scrutiny. But while his underlying views were painfully dated, his conception of banter was entirely modern: a sly expansion of the words meaning, and a self-conscious contention that it provided an impregnable defence.

The Keys variation understood banter, first, as a catch-all means of denying responsibility if anyone was hurt; and, second, as a means of reinforcing a bond between two people by being cruel about a third. The comparison wouldnt please a couple of alphas like Keys and Gray, but both strategies brought it closer to a style of communication with classically feminine associations: gossip. Deborah Cameron, the Rupert Murdoch (lol) Professor in Language and Communication at Oxford University, argues that the two modes of interaction follow basically the same structure. People gossip as a trust game, she said. You tell someone your unsayable private secret, and it bonds you closer together. Theyre supposed to reciprocate with a confidence of their own. Well, banter works in the same way now. You say something outrageous, and you see if the other person dares to top your remark.

The trust game in banter was traditionally supposed to be: do you trust me when I say were friends in spite of the mean things Im saying about you? But now theres a second version of the game: do I trust you not to tell anyone the mean things Im saying about other people? I think originally it was a harmless thing, said Cameron, whose analysis is rooted in an archive of male group conversation, mostly recorded by her students, that goes back to the 1980s. But then it started to be used as an excuse when men were caught out engaging in forms of it that werent so harmless.

It comes down to context and intent, says the comedian Bridget Christie. The gentler form of banter is still knocking around, she suggested, but now it exists alongside something darker: I found The Inbetweeners adolescent banter hilarious, because it was equal and unthreatening. But there is obviously a world of difference between a group of teenage boys benignly taking the piss out of each other, and a bigot being racist or misogynist and trying to pass it off as a joke.

Trace the rise of banter, and you will find that it corresponds to the rise of political correctness or, anyway, to the backlash against political correctness gone mad. That phrase and just banter mirror each other perfectly: one denoting a priggish culture that is deemed to have overreached, the other a laid-back culture that is deemed to have been unfairly reined in. Ironically enough, just banter does exactly what it accuses political correctness of, seeking to close down discussion by telling you that meaning is settled by category rather than content. Political correctness asserts that a racist joke is primarily racist, whereas banter asserts that a racist joke is primarily a joke. In the past, the men who used it rarely had to define it, or to explain themselves to anybody else. Today, in contrast, it is named all the time. The biggest change isnt the banter itself, says Bethan Benwell. Its the explicit use of the word as a disclaimer.

By sheer repetition and by its use as an unanswerable defence, banter has turned from an abstraction into a vast and calcified description of actions as well as words: gone from a way of talking to a way of life, a style that accidentally became a worldview. He bantered you, people sometimes say: you always used to banter with your mates, but now it often sounds like something you do to them. Once it was directionless, inconclusive chatter with wit as the engine that drove it, said the comedian Russell Kane. Now, if I trip you up, thats banter.

You might think the humiliation suffered by Keys and Gray would have made banter less appealing as a get-out, but not a bit of it. Banter, increasingly, seems like the first refuge of the inexcusable. In 2014, Malky Mackay, who had been fired as manager of Cardiff City Football Club a year earlier, was caught having sent texts that referred to Chinese people eating dogs, black people being criminals, Jewish people being avaricious, and gay people being snakes all of which were initially optimistically defended by the League Managers Association as letting off steam to a friend during some friendly text message banter. The comedian Dapper Laughs, whose real name is Daniel OReilly, established himself as banters rat king, with his very own ITV2 show, and then lost it after he suggested that an audience member at one of his gigs was gagging for a rape. A man was convicted of murder after he crushed his friend against a wall with a Jeep Cherokee after an argument over badger-baiting, a course of action that he said had been intended as banter. Another slashed the throat of someone he had met in a pub and described the incident as a moment of banter after 14 or 15 pints. Both are now in prison.

By any sane measure,banter was falling into disrepute, as often a disguise for malice as a word for the ribaldry of lads on the lash. Still it did not go away: instead, the worst of it has mutated again, asserting its authority in public and saving its creepiest tendencies for the shadows or, at least, for the company of five, or 10, or 20 of your closest mates.

At the London School of Economics, it started with a leaflet. Each year at the universitys freshers fair, LSE Rugby Football Club distributed a banterous primer on rugby culture. In October 2014, says the then-president of the student union, Nona Buckley-Irvine, a student came to her in tears with a copy in her hand. The leaflet talked about trollops, slags, crumpet, mingers, and the desirability of misogyny; there were passing references to the horrors of homosexual humiliation and outright homosexual debauchery. Anyone charmed by all this was invited to sign up for the club and join the banter list, entitling them to participate in the exchange of chappish email conversation.

To anyone with a passing knowledge of university laddism, it was hard to imagine a more ordinary iteration. Still, after the unreconstructed chappishness of the leaflet came to light, the club knew it had a problem. It issued a collective apology acknowledging that we have a lot to learn about the pernicious effects of banter, and promised to organise a workshop. But there was reason to be sceptical about the depth of that commitment.

When Buckley-Irvine and her colleagues published a report on the incident, they noted a string of others, including an antisemitic assault on a university ski trip to Val dIsere in 2011. And there were other indiscretions it didnt mention. According to two people who were present, one club dinner at an Indian restaurant on Brick Lane ended with a stripper having bottles thrown at her when, already intimidated, she refused to take her clothes off. She hid in the toilet, and had to be escorted out by a member of staff as the team vandalised the restaurant.

Photograph: Alamy

According to five people who were either members of the rugby club or closely associated with it, one notorious senior member was widely thought to be responsible for the leaflet. (He did not respond to requests for comment.) But when they came to defend themselves to the student union, members of the club fell back on one of the most revered pillars of laddism: all for one, one for all. Theyd clearly worked out a line, says Nona Buckley-Irvine. No one individual was responsible. They were sorry. It was just banter. Thats what they all said.

The accountancy firm KPMG, which sponsored the universitys wider Athletics Union, decided that banter was not an especially helpful brand association, and withdrew funding worth 22,000. The students union decided to disband the club for the academic year. The decision moved some observers to disgust. It was a gross overreaction, a former team member told me. We were the best-behaved team when it came to actually playing rugby but they banned that bit and they couldnt ban any of the rest.

Others took a less measured tone. I had old members emailing me and calling me a fascist, says Buckley-Irvine. Asking me if I didnt understand that it was just banter. Rugby players chanted abuse at her on nights out, she told me. They shoulder-barged her, and called her a cunt.

These kinds of interactions would tend to take place on Wednesdays, also known as sports night, at a bar in Leicester Square. Sports night was the apotheosis of the rugby clubs bleak solidarity. In deference to what you might call the wingers-before-mingers code, for instance, members of the club who were expected to dress in suits werent allowed to speak to women before 9pm. So they would just shout abuse instead, one female former student, who Ill call Anna, remembered. One chant, she said, went, Nine nos and a yes is a yes. At the time, Anna thought that it was all a joke. People would say, Its just banter all the time. After everything. Absolutely everything, she said, sitting in a cafe in south London. If you were meeting someone new, saying they had good banter, that was a pretty high compliment. Whereas if you dont go along with that stuff, its seen as, you cant take the chat, you cant take the banter. And its not seen as having a stance against it. Its seen as not being able to keep up.

After the rugby club was disbanded, nothing much changed in sports night social life. Many members of the club still went on the same nights out; they just colonised other teams. They still addressed girls as Sarah 2 or Sarah 8 depending on how attractive they considered them out of 10; they still had shouted conversations about their sex lives in front of the women they had slept with but refused to acknowledge.

That culture was not confined to Wednesday nights. Anna remembers a guy who took her picture as she slept, naked, in the bed they were sharing, and circulated it to another non-university sports team via WhatsApp. She wasnt meant to see it on his phone.

Ask anyone well-informed where banter resides now, and theyll give the same answer: WhatsApp groups and email threads, the safe spaces of the lad class. What youd get out of those WhatsApp threads, its another world of drama, one former member of the football club said. The details of girls bodies that youd read, a few funny jibes, that was the limit for me. But when it moved on to, like, really, really bad stuff, always about sex it was too much. Those threads are the source of everything.

If the threads were an outlet, they were by no means the limit. Banter, by common consent, wasnt confined to mocking each other: it was about action. If you dressed up for a night out, one female student remembered, it was just kind of status quo that you could have your arse grabbed. It was just like, Oh, that was kind of weird, but OK, thatll happen. Like everyone else willing to speak about it, her view of that culture was perplexingly nuanced, sometimes contradictory. It sounds scary, she said, but that being said, some of my best nights were there, and like it was fun. But then she said: What was defined as serious just got so pushed. I think for someone to lodge a complaint they would have to be actually hurt.

Anna remembers lots of sketchy incidents. She recalls nights when her choices faded into a blur, and she wondered if she had really been in control. But at the time, I would never call it out, she said. And then, youre all living in halls together, and the next day, its like: What did you do last night? Thats hilarious. Thats banter.

When Anna thinks about the behaviour of some of the men she knew at university, she finds it hard to pin down exactly what she thinks of them. Theres one in particular who sticks in her mind. On a Wednesday night, he was a banter guy, she said. He was a Wednesday animal. But the rest of the time, he was my friend.

Controversial though all this was at the time, no one seems to think that it will have cost the perpetrators much. Ive tried so hard to leave all that behind, said the former member of the football team. But those guys theyre all going on to run banks, or the country, or whatever. The senior rugby man who many held responsible, by the way, has landed on his feet. Today, he has a job at KPMG.

In 2017, every new instance of banter is immediately spotted and put through the journalistic wringer. (Vices Joel Golby, who wrote the definitive text on the bagel thing, has made a career from his exquisite close readings of the form.) But when each new absolute legend emerges, we dont usually have the context to make the essential judgment: do the proponents tend towards the harmless warmth of Ellis and his mates, or the frank hostility of the LSE rugby boys? Is their love of irony straightforward, or a mask for something else?

As Richard Keys and Dapper Laughs and their cohorts have polluted the idea of banter, the commercial entities that endorsed its rise have become uneasy with the label. They wanted it to go viral; they hadnt expected it to go postal. Dave, for example, has dropped the home of witty banter slogan. Its not about classic male humour any more, its a little bit smarter, says UKTVs Steve North. We definitely say it less than we used to.

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samanthasroberts · 7 years ago

Text

The age of banter

The long read: It used to be just a word now it is a way of life. But is it time to get off the banter bus?

Lewis Ellis (left) and friends in Ayia Napa, pretending to be in Syria. Photograph: Lewis Ellis

dougie stew (@DougieStew)

Welcome to London #BagelGate pic.twitter.com/KcJoz0ycZU

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The first issue of Loaded magazine, from May 1994

Up to their necks in some extremely bad banter Andy Gray and Richard Keys in 2011. Photograph: Richard Saker/Rex

Photograph: Alamy

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from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/08/02/the-age-of-banter/

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allofbeercom · 7 years ago

Text

The age of banter

The long read: It used to be just a word now it is a way of life. But is it time to get off the banter bus?

Lewis Ellis (left) and friends in Ayia Napa, pretending to be in Syria. Photograph: Lewis Ellis

dougie stew (@DougieStew)

Welcome to London #BagelGate pic.twitter.com/KcJoz0ycZU

February 26, 2017

The first issue of Loaded magazine, from May 1994

Up to their necks in some extremely bad banter Andy Gray and Richard Keys in 2011. Photograph: Richard Saker/Rex

Photograph: Alamy

<source media="(min-wid

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/08/02/the-age-of-banter/

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