#whether it’s trans people or asexuals or whatever the fuck honestly

[whump-it-like-its-hot]

Anyway, in light of recent events, I’d like to say once more that trans people and people of every gender are welcome on this blog. We also love men here, just to clarify. Yes, they’re included in “every gender is welcome here”. The only type of person I don’t welcome here is the one that’s behaving like assholes to others, and they will get blocked on sight. Be fucking civil. For fuck’s sake.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

All Shook Up

TW biphobia. It's a serious problem even today, in our own community and it needs to be addressed that bisexuality isn't going anywhere that it's not less than any other sexuality. EDIT: It does end happy

A/N: Now, I know that Gareth would probably never be like that, but sometimes it's the person you least expect. The best thing about Eddie's sexuality not being decided is that we can make it whatever we want to be, whether it's gay Eddie, bisexual Eddie, Pansexual Eddie, transfem!Eddie, trans male Eddie, asexual Eddie, aromantic Eddie, non binary Eddie and it would all still be equally queer. I appreciate every queer Eddie headcanon, but most particularly, I'm appreciating bi Eddie today on the 25th anniversary of the bi flag being created.

Gareth was his best friend in the world, but the way he was looking at him was hard to describe because he always scowled. Eddie sighed and rolled his eyes.

"What?" Eddie asked.

"You're bisexual?" Gareth scoffed.

"Yes, that's what I just said," Eddie said. "Is there a problem?"

"Man, that's not a real thing," Gareth said softly.

"Pardon?" Eddie asked.

"You're just confused. You've gotten all shook up lately, which is understandable. It's perfectly fine to question yourself. Either you're just confused about how you're feeling or you're trying to deny the fact that you're gay," Gareth said.

"So, it has to be one or the other? It can't be both?" Eddie scowled.

"It's just bullshit that people made up to experiment with people like us," he replied.

"So, you've one bad experience with a guy, and you've decided that my sexuality doesn't exist?! Tell me how the fuck that makes sense!" Eddie yelled.

"Because it doesn't exist! I'm starting to wonder if you just came here to fuck with me and I thought you of all people would never do that!" Gareth hissed.

"Bisexual people exist, Gareth!" Eddie exclaimed. "David Bowie for one. Explain that! I'm sure there are other people, but I can't think of any right now!"

He thought of Steve, the reason he realized he was bisexual in the first place. He wasn't going to out Steve, though.

"Man, fuck off!" Gareth yelled.

"You know, I came here because I thought that you of all people would understand and that you would get what it's like to be different. Man, you're just as hateful and judgemental as the homophobes out in the world, except it's a thousand times worse because you're being hateful towards your own kind. I'm bisexual and I'm just as queer as you are. People like us we are held to a higher standard to be more understanding and sympathetic because we know what it's like to be hated for who we are. But to turn around and spew the same hatred and misunderstanding towards your fellow comrade. . .it's fucked up," Eddie said. "You broke my heart, man. Call me when you get your head out of your ass."

He stormed out of Gareth's house and into the pouring rain. He let it wash over him for a moment before climbing into his van and driving off. Eddie wasn't sure where he was going, but he was driving for a while when he realized he was heading towards Steve’s house. He's spending time with Robin. It was their designated day to hang out, Eddie assumed it was to talk about their crushes. Eddie scowled as he thought about the guy that Steve had been talking about, who honestly sounded a lot like Eddie. He shook his head. No, it wasn't just Steve he needed to see. It was Robin, too. He pulled into Steve’s driveway and walked up to the door. He paused for a moment before knocking on the door. A moment later, the door opened, and Steve stood there.

"Eddie - "

To his embarrassment, Eddie burst into tears at the sight of him and threw himself into his arms.

"I thought he would understand," Eddie sobbed into his neck.

Steve pulled him inside, closing the door and holding him tightly.

"Eddie? What's wrong?" Steve asked.

"I'm and he - I just -," Eddie cried incoherently.

"Okay, how about you go upstairs and take off those wet clothes. I'll set some clothes outside the door, then you can come down and talk about it? Okay?" Steve said.

"Okay," Eddie said.

"I'll make hot cocoa!" Robin exclaimed from the doorway.

"With whipped cream and - ?" Eddie started to ask.

"Cinnamon!" Robin and Steve exclaimed.

Eddie smiled and went upstairs to the bathroom. A moment later, he came down wearing Steve’s clothes and toweling his hair off. He plopped down on the couch in the living room where Robin and Steve were waiting for him with mugs of hot cocoa. A box of tissues was placed on the coffee table. Eddie plopped down in the empty space between Robin and Steve. He assumed that spot was for him. He took a sip of hot chocolate and sat quietly for a minute, sniffling.

"I went to see Gareth to tell him because I figured that he would understand. That he would get it," Eddie said softly.

He had been hanging out with Robin and Steve so much that they started to get to know his friends, too. They both knew about Gareth and Jeff. God, he should have gone to Jeff. He couldn't, though, because he went out of town to visit family for the holidays.

"Tell him what?" Robin asked.

"Oh, right, you don't know because I haven't told you because I wanted to tell Gareth first," Eddie said, jumping up to start pacing. "You know, just because I realized later in life doesn't mean that I'm any less - ugh! I hate him."

"You're going to have to start clueing us in," Steve said.

"I'm real, right? I exist?" Eddie asked.

"As far as I know, you're not a figment of our imagination even though it does feel like that sometimes," Robin joked.

"Very funny, Robin," Eddie said, rolling his eyes, but he was smiling.

"What is this about, Eddie?" Steve asked.

"Recently, I've discovered something about myself that I didn't realize was always there," Eddie said and paused. "I'm bisexual."

"That's great!" Steve and Robin exclaimed.

"Yeah, I wish Gareth thought so. He apparently hates bisexuals," Eddie scowled.

"But he's gay," Steve said with wide eyes.

"How can he hate someone like him?!" Robin shrieked.

"Well, according to him bisexuality is something that people made up to experiment with gays and lesbians," Eddie said, rolling his eyes.

"That doesn't even make sense!" Robin shrieked.

"How can other queer people hate other queer people for their sexuality?!" Steve exclaimed.

"It's like - it's like - I don't know what it's like!" Robin exclaimed.

"This feels like a really fucked up math problem," Steve said and Robin scoffed in agreement.

Eddie squeezed their knees, laughing.

"I'm glad you guys are not on the same page as him," Eddie said.

"Well, it would be even weirder for me," Steve said, and Eddie laughed.

Eddie took a sip of his hot chocolate and grinned, not realizing that whipped cream was on his upper lip. Steve laughed.

"You've got something on your lip," he said.

Eddie started wiping in the wrong spot, and Steve laughed again.

"You missed. You know, I really want to get it for you but I don't want to use my hands. I figured that might be in poor taste considering your situation," Steve said.

"What about that huge nerd you have a crush on?" Eddie asked with wide eyes, and Robin laughed.

"Eddie," Steve grinned.

"Yeah?"

"You're the nerd," Steve said.

"Uh, well, then go for it, big boy," Eddie said. "Because you know, you're the reason that I realized I am bisexual."

Steve smiled at him and leaned forward to kiss him softly. He darted his tongue out and swiped the whipped cream off his lip. He pulled back, looking at Eddie fondly. Eddie set his cup down and threw himself into Steve’s arms. He snuggled into his side and buried his face into Steve’s neck.

"Perfect," he sighed. "I just wish - "

"I know, baby," Steve said and kissed his forehead.

Eddie grinned when he felt Robin burrow into his side.

"Do you want me to kick his ass?" Robin asked.

"Nah, let's just enjoy this moment," Eddie said.

"You know, you're not just important to me because you're important to Steve. You're my best friend too, Eddie," Robin said.

"Right back at ya," Eddie replied.

"What about that huge nerd you have a crush on?" Robin asked in a deep mocking tone, her body shaking with laughter.

"Stop it," Eddie blushed as he laughed.

"Eddie," she continued. "You're the nerd. Oh my God! I was glad I was here for that!"

"Fuck off!" Eddie giggled and they all laughed.

After that, Eddie spent most of his time with Robin and Steve as well as the other members of the party. He tried to hang out with Jeff and Frank, but it was hard to do it with Gareth around. Eddie didn't immediately start walking out when he was around. He did wait for an apology, but it never came, and it got harder to be around him. Jeff and Frank noticed immediately, especially when Eddie canceled Hellfire. It was Jeff who showed up at his door.

"Okay, what's going on between you and Gareth?" Jeff asked as soon as he sat down.

"I don't really want to talk about it, man," Eddie said, picking at a piece of thread on his pants.

"Something is going on, and Gareth refuses to talk about it. He scoffs and gets all defensive like he's hurt about something," Jeff said.

"I didn't fucking do anything wrong!" Eddie snapped, his eyes filling with tears.

"I'm not saying you did, but both of you are acting hurt by something that happened," Jeff said. "What happened?"

Eddie jumped up and started pacing. He stopped and turned away from Jeff. He wanted to tell Jeff, but he was afraid that he would lose him just like he lost Gareth. They're two different people, and Robin had accepted him immediately, so maybe Jeff will be different. Eddie turned around, crossing his arms.

"I'm bisexual," Eddie said.

Jeff stared at him before he slapped his knees.

"That's fucking fantastic. I'm glad you finally figured it out," Jeff said.

"Wait. What?" Eddie asked, blinking.

"Come on, I knew as soon as you started bringing Steve Harrington around," he said with a knowing grin. "It is Steve, right?"

"Yes," Eddie blushed.

"Okay, so what? Is it because Gareth has some sort of problem with Steve?" Jeff asked. "He's been making digs at him. Frank and I have been telling him to stop because we actually like Steve and Robin."

"He's got a problem with bisexuality," Eddie said stiffly. "He doesn't believe that being bisexual is a thing. He thinks it's an excuse to hide my 'real' sexuality."

"He actually said that to you?!" Jeff scowled.

"Yes," Eddie said bitterly.

"Oh, that asshole," he said. "I'm going to kill him."

Jeff jumped up and pulled Eddie into a hug, squeezing him tightly.

"I love you, man," Eddie said.

"I love you, too," Jeff said and pulled back. "Just give him some time. He'll come around. He has to, especially when Frank and I give him the cold shoulder."

"You don't have to do that," Eddie said.

"We support our friends," Jeff said. "We're in the same boat, just in different seats."

Eventually, Gareth did come around, and it was probably thanks to Dustin's meddling. He had been complaining a lot about how Hellfire had been disbanded and how no one would tell him what Gareth did. Finally, Dustin had grown desperate. He radioed Eddie, screeching about a code red and to meet him in the drama room. It was early in the morning when Eddie fell out of bed and started to quickly pull on his clothes. He looked down and saw that he had accidentally pulled on Steve’s polo. He looked over and found that Steve had pulled on one of his shirts. They didn't have time to worry about that and immediately left for the high school. They ran into the drama room, hearts racing.

"Wait! Goddamnit. . .no!" A voice called as the doors slammed behind them. "Fuck!"

Steve and Eddie reached out to open the doors, but they were locked. Suddenly, Gareth appeared over their shoulders.

"Yeah, I think they slid something through the handles. Assholes," Gareth muttered.

"Work out your goddamn issues!" Dustin screamed through the door.

"Henderson! You butthead!" Eddie yelled.

"Emerson," Steve glared at Gareth.

"Harrington," Gareth glared at him.

"Stop it," Eddie snapped and turned to Gareth. "We're stuck here so we might as well talk."

"I have nothing to say to you. You're clearly still in denial," Gareth snapped. "Thanks for turning Jeff and Frank against me."

Steve moved forward, but Eddie put a hand to his chest.

"That was all you, Gareth," Eddie said coldly.

"What do you want from me?" He asked. "I'm not going to change my mind."

"Because you're my best fucking friend and I love you! I want you to wake the hell up and realize that you're the one that's wrong here!" Eddie yelled at him. "I'm not going to apologize for being who I am!"

"So, I'm the one that's wrong. Why the hell can't it be you? Eddie Munson, king of the freaks, he can't admit when he's the one who's wrong?!" Gareth snapped.

"Yes, I can. I admitted I was wrong about Steve and Lucas, about jocks in particular. I've even been to Lucas's games," he said, and then he paused. "Do you remember when you came out to your family?"

"Yes," Gareth said, gritting his teeth.

"Do you remember when your grandmother said that you were going to burn in hell for being gay?" Eddie asked, and he nodded. "Well, you are your grandmother, and you're telling me that I'm going to burn in hell for being bisexual. That's what it feels like to me."

Gareth looked like he had been punched, and his mouth fell open. His eyes widened in realization, and it was like he was waking up from a twenty year coma.

"I wasn't - I didn't mean - I just - Oh! I am an asshole," Gareth said, and he burst into tears like a dam breaking. "I was just hurt! Because of that stupid jock using me and I took it out on you and Steve. I was wrong! I'm sorry!"

Eddie smiled sadly and pulled Gareth into a tight hug. He sniffled, and soon he was crying too. After crying until their tear ducts were dry, they pulled away from each other.

"I forgive you, man," Eddie said.

"Can you tell me again?" He asked.

"I'm Eddie Munson," he said, clapping Gareth on the shoulder. "And I'm bisexual."

"That's great, man," Gareth beamed. "I'm happy for you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Eddie turned around and pulled Steve to his side, slipping an arm around his waist.

"And this is my boyfriend, Steve Harrington," Eddie introduced, and Steve laughed. "Isn't he pretty?"

"Yeah, a little too pretty for you, Munson," Gareth teased.

"Fuck off," Eddie laughed and pushed him slightly.

Suddenly, the doors opened. Dustin, Mike, Will, Max, Lucas, and El came bursting into the room.

"Are you guys friends again?" Dustin asked.

"Yeah, you meddling litte shit," Eddie said, rolling his eyes fondly.

"Great! Does that mean that Hellfire is going to come back?" Mike asked.

"Oh, yes," Eddie grinned. "I'm going to have fun fucking with Gareth's character though."

"It's what I deserve," Gareth said solemnly.

"Steve. . . Eddie. . . Why are you wearing each other's clothes?" Dustin asked.

"Well, you woke us up early, and we got dressed in a hurry," Steve said.

"A little old to be having sleepovers, aren't you?" Mike asked, and Max rolled her eyes, looking up at the ceiling.

"Well, after I railed your babysitter into my mattress last night, he was too tired to go home," Eddie grinned wickedly.

"You're together!" Dustin and Mike exclaimed.

"Problems?" Eddie asked.

"Not as long as you never put the image of you fucking Steve in our heads again," Mike said and rolled his eyes. "I actually think this is awesome."

Eddie looked at the others, and they all shook their heads.

"Good."

And it really was.

[thatonegaybrit]

; since it's the last day of pride ( for me at least ) I figured I'd make at least a lil post !!

; firstly I'd like to say being a part of the LGBTQIA+ community is one of the best things in my life. Sure it has it's flaws, it's discourse and it's hate but it's also freeing, and strong and beautiful in so many ways. There's been people in my life who I truly can't thank enough for being there, and we met because of this community. It's the one community that, even if some days I feel like a total outcast, I've felt truly at home in. At peace even.

; from the flags to the people it's js so breathtakingly stunning and creative and a symbol of resilience honestly. Being queer is a part of so many peoples lives, including the people no longer with us. Truly it's such a huge part of my life and ik it's silly to say but I wouldn't be here without this community and the people in it.

; there's been days when everything has felt hopeless and purposeless and that maybe it never has an end to all the suffering. But then I see a post of two queer kids attending pride for the first time or an old queer couple finally getting married legally and their smiles and the warmth is truly heartwarming. And the jokes and the humour and the community is so inviting and stupid I love it.

; but also how strong the community is, how strong the people in said community are. All of us. The Black Trans Women who started the pride we celebrate today and continue to support, the Indigenous Two Spirits who fight to be recognized and to fight for their people who've been erased, the Disabled queers who are loud and caring and support the community even when they're shunned for it, and every single person in the community who's existence is a fight and a protest and js. All stunning and powerful individuals, no matter who or what they are they're all truly inspirational and deserve the warmest of days and the biggest of hugs / whatever istg.

; from the ' common ' to the ' obscure ' the community is ridiculed and hated, but we're still here and we're still strong. We've always been here and always will. And to the queers living in countries like Palestine and Russia and places where they can't celebrate themselves and their pride, we do stand with you and we will do our best to support you in every way we can. There is no freedom till we are all free, I know one day you'll be safe and be free and be proud to be who you are. I and everyone else who can will make sure of it.

; we are so so diverse and real and wow. Simply wow. So to the Lesbians, the Gays, Bisexuals, Transgenders, Queers, Intersexuals, Aromantics, Asexuals and Aroaces and all on that spectrum, to the Multigenders and the Multisexuals, the Non-binary people and the Two-Spirits and the Xenogenders and the Agenders and the Apathetics, the Repulsed and the Favourable, and to each and every single person in the queerest community out there. I wish you a happy fucking pride month and a wonderful rest of the year. Hold on for us ok ??

; whether you celebrated Pride Month or not, your existence yesterday, today and forever more is worth celebrating every damn day <3

[shortace]

I posted 2,265 times in 2022

649 posts created (29%)

1,616 posts reblogged (71%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@xxfanenbyanonymousxx

@glitterandgaybriel

@cherry-flavored-content

@detective-werewife

@pokegeek151

I tagged 1,039 of my posts in 2022

#artemis fowl - 382 posts

#fowlfest2022 - 36 posts

#discworld - 33 posts

#writer problems - 32 posts

#eoin colfer - 31 posts

#museums - 31 posts

#neil gaiman - 29 posts

#domovoi butler - 28 posts

#good omens - 27 posts

#terry pratchett - 27 posts

Longest Tag: 128 characters

#opal koboi thinks she's the main character and loses it when she figures out she's the bully who gets two seconds of screen time

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I was recently asked what I thought was the biggest misunderstanding about asexuality. It's a hard question, because there are a lot. I thought I'd do a list.

1. That asexuals never want or have sex. In fact asexuality is a fairly broad spectrum, including people who hate the idea of sex and people who seek it out.

2. That asexuals are pure, innocent, naïve. Asexuality, even for people who do not want or have sex, does not equal ignorance or innocence.

3. That you can't be asexual if you've had sex or enjoy sex. See above; asexuality is an orientation defined by attraction, not action.

4. That asexuals are immature, haven't met the right person yet, or haven't had good sex yet. Please trust us to know what we're interested in and what we're attracted to. Most straight people accept their straightness before ever having sex; orientation does not relate to experience.

5. That asexuals can't feel love. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, and although it often co-exists with aromanticism, it doesn't always. Many asexuals feel romantic love, just as many aromantics feel sexual attaction.

6. That asexuality is a result of trauma. Some asexuals have trauma in their backgrounds, but it's usually difficult or impossible to say whether or not the one caused the other. Also, it isn't your business to be dredging that up. Many asexuals have not experienced trauma. Either way, their orientation is valid.

355 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

#4

My ex-husband took our daughter to see whatever the new Harry Potter movie is in the cinemas. As a trans (non-binary) person myself, I'm honestly livid. Didn't take one second to stop and think 'Wait, I'm giving money to somebody who actively works to harm people like my kids' mother'. I had already talked to our daughters about why I won't support Rowling, so it's not as though it would have overly surprised or disappointed her.

584 notes - Posted April 19, 2022

#3

Clearly, at some point, I have made mistakes.

644 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

#2

I didn't know asexuality existed until I was in my mid-30s. I spent two decades thinking either something was wrong with me, or the rest of the world was in on some joke and I'd missed the memo. I will not shut up about it, I will shout ASEXUAL from the rooftops if it might help one other person avoid that confusion.

1,054 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The fucking audacity of people who touch museum exhibits. This. Is. Not. Your. Wardrobe.

2,756 notes - Posted July 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[henrike-does-writing-sometimes]

1, 8, 10, 29 for either u or the to the end main babes :3

Why not all of us ?

1. Which labels do you use?

I’m non-binary and gay, although I also use queer, fag, and to a lesser extent lesbian. While I could use transmasc, I find it funnier to just let people be confused lmao (I’m masc-androgynous).

Samir and Eric are both bi

Thea is a queer transwoman

Asher is a-spec. In the current text he uses asexual, but there’s definitely more to it than that

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

For me, it’s basically just the season of spring. The touch of bark, the smell of hay, soft grass between your toes, bird song, Valborg fires, lilacs, and all that good stuff <3

Samir - Homemade bread fresh out of the oven

Eric - Wildflowers growing in a hidden glade

Thea - Blood stains on a white blouse

Asher - Notes app poetry

10. Something that gives you gender euphoria (whether you're cis or trans):

Aside from clothes and hair, then we've got certain chores (cleaning, cocking, grilling, dishes, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, etc.), mostly because I grew up with my dad doing all of that and my dad is very gender. But also drinking beer with my friends during summer, especially if there are burgers involved. And hanging out with one of my best friends, because we do dumb boy stuff together lhfbvlieufvulia

I think the main one for Thea is physical activity, both in the sense that she loves being an absolute unit but also in that she’s reclaiming her body and defining woman on her own terms. But wine and ABBA are also on the list, can’t really explain but trust me

I haven’t given the guys as much thought so I sadly can’t give an answer for them

29. Are you currently partnered, or if not are you interested in having partner(s)?

It’s honestly impressive how little game I have lmao, but yeah I think it'd be cool to have someone, I am a sappy bitch after all

The Martyr Gang are all single (unless you count whatever the fuck is going on between them), and in the text only Eric expresses interest in finding a partner (or multiple). I think the same can be said for Thea, she might not be actively looking for it but she’s not opposed to it. Samir is in that state of “if it happens it happens, and if not that’s okay”, while Asher isn’t really interested due to everything else going on in his life

[thisvegetabledoesntfallinlove]

having aromantic feelings in this denny’s tonight bc i had to go on a blocking spree yet again.

I just think like... people don’t know shit about what it’s like to be aromantic. aphobes complain about the Fandomization Of Pride and say shit like “asexuality is basically a fandom thing; if your community is entirely online and based around tumblr tags and headcanons, you cant possibly compare it to actual real life gay experiences”

and like. i have some bad fucking news for you about gay people who live in super homophobic backwater small towns. I’ve known plenty of gay people who were completely closeted irl and whos entire interaction with queerness was online communities, especially gay shipping. that doesn’t mean there aren’t other gay people in those homophobic little towns, its just often too dangerous to look for them. there are definitely other aro people in my backwater little town! I just can’t find them. I’m not saying this is the best way to interact with the queer community! or even a good way! for instance, nobody gives a shit about gay vs aro or bi vs pan irl! this drama is all internet shit! but being terminally online is certainly not a problem unique to aspec people.

honestly, as someone who’s trans, bisexual and aromantic, the thing that’s actually made my life the most difficult for cishets to swallow is the aromantic part. my backwater town is fairly liberal, so they can be chill about the gay thing, they can even tolerate the trans thing, but not getting married???? what do you mean you can’t be like the sweater-wearing chaste gay dads in the commercials? what do you mean you don’t want to date but you still want to have sex???????

nothing about my identity is palatable. nothing about me is relatable or marketable. my life, my future, my happiness, looks completely alien to your average cishet. the first time I told someone irl that I was aromantic, the immediate reaction was “oh my god I’m so sorry” as if I just said I had cancer.

like. actually. yknow what. yeah I think the aromantic experience is very easy to compare to my experience as a disabled person. its because I’m fundamentally missing something that Typical People consider completely intrinsically tied to their worth and their happiness. what’s the point of life if you can’t get married? whats the point of life if you can’t have a job? “i’m so sorry to hear you’ll never experience the be all end all of human existence; retiring to live comfortably with your aging partner as your grown children take up the mantle of your legacy.”

people don’t know what its like to be aromantic. they think of it as a tumblr tag, or headcanons, because the only time they bother to interact with aromanticism is when they’re complaining about our headcanons. no one can deny that aspec identity in this decade is intrinsically connected to the internet, in the same way that no one can say that gay identity in 1970s and 80s america wasn’t intrinsically connected to gay bars. its because That’s How You Meet People. queer people have always taken whatever was the current way for humans to connect to each other and carved out their own space.

aromanticism is in the stage where its hard to find other people, and no one knows what you are, and if you explain it to them they think you’re sick. we’re in the stage where we don’t get a lot of explicit canon representation, we have to scrape by on aro readings and subtext and coding.

and it IS coding! its coding! I don’t care if aromanticism wasn’t named yet back then! there are plenty of instances of queer coding from before we had words like “trans” or “gay” or “lesbian” or even “queer.” what matters is that someone somewhere was like “this character has the experience of not feeling the socially mandated attraction to the opposite binary gender,” which is a queer experience whether the person feeling it is gay or aromantic. just like bisexuality and lesbianism weren’t separated for a long time because straight society didn’t care if the wlw could also technically like men, lesbianism and aromanticism and asexuality weren’t separated because straight society didn’t care if the woman who wouldn’t get married to a man wanted to kiss girls or not.

this is way longer than I intended it to be and it got kinda rambly and train-of-thought, and I don’t think I really have any particular conclusion here. just aro feelings. idk if this makes sense but I’m tired of trying to edit it to make more sense so I’m just hitting post

[arhddhg]

stan + kyle + kenny for the character ask game!! :)

Oooooh, this is going to be a long one.. I always thought that my view of the South Park characters were pretty boring so here are my first impressions:

Kyle broflovski

Sexuality Headcanon: I personally think he’s straight, I feel like I’ll get a lot of shame because of this but I never really saw him as a bisexual man let alone a gay man😭 I’m so sorry. But on one hand I do kind of see him being a Demisexual? I don’t know if there is really that much evidence to it but I feel like him being Demisexual. I can also see Asexual Kyle too? I think he’s straight but definitely not allo.

Gender Headcanon: I think he’s a cis man, but trans boy Kyle sounds like a good headcanon? It mostly rooted from Cartman’s sexist jokes but it sounds pretty cool, I’m down for more trans rep! Even if it’s from canonically cis characters..

A ship I have with said character: Kybecca is so fuckwg cute !!!!!!! The way Kyle guides her into relationships was adorable. I also like the dynamic of a shy awkward inexperienced-in-relationships girl and a nice (a genuinely nice) guy who helps her out when it comes to relationships!!! Fucking blorbos.. I want to hold them around like 2 little kittens :( I also really see the potential in Kychole and I wish it got more recognition, it would’ve been an actually great chance for him to get a girlfriend, fuck you Cartman, like honestly.

A BROTP I have with said character: It’s probably going to be Style, of course. Their friendship is honestly very cute to watch, but it can also get a bit sad at times (ex: assburgers). I also like Tokyle, Kyutters, and Kybe as a brotp. Tolkien and Kyle being mom best friends, looking over at their insane children fighting like little chihuahuas, while talking about mom things.. hwoedhsj. And also Kyle and Bebe being best friends gossiping to each other and spilling the tea (this wasn’t my idea though). I’m a bit stuck towards Kyutters though, cause I only thought of it just now.

A NOTP I have with said character: I used to like this ship A LOT, but now I have to say it’s Kyman. I can still see the potential in One sided Kyman and I always saw it being a thing somehow, but that’s as far as I’ll go for this ship nowadays. Kyman just feels weird, and all it took was a couple of callout posts for me to eventually lose interest in it.

A random headcanon: Kyle is the most simplest guy EVER. His music taste isn’t a specific genre and it all goes down to “well I like music as long as it sounds good”. He doesn’t like a specific type of food and is just like “I like any food as long as it’s good”. He’s the least fashionable and most distasteful guy in town, and his friends (the main 4 ofc) attempted to try and get him into fashion and introduce him to different kinds of genres (whether it be music, movies, or whatever) to see which one he’d consider to be his favorite. But it NEVER worked out, he’s just that boring. (Yeah, I’m projecting onto him, what about it)?

General Opinion over said character: He’s honestly such a well developed character, he’s not exactly my fave but I can definitely understand his popularity and place in this fandom! He’s just a lil guy :)

Stanley marsh

Sexuality headcanon: I think he’s either straight or bisexual, but all I know is that he definitely went through a bicurious phase. Remember how confused he was when Wendy turned out to be trans? He was also confused about Tweek and Craig’s whole relationship! He doesn’t know where he stands on the LGBT spec but he’s still trying to figure it out.

Gender headcanon: I only thought of this just now but demiboy Stan. I also like to think he’s experimenting with his gender, and it goes down to the examples I listed trying to describe his sexuality from my perspective. He’s open to people using any pronouns on him, and I love that for him :)

A ship I have with said character: Stendy, I remember drawing Stendy A LOT over here. I still love their relationship but not as much as I used to. Although, I have to say that I still yearn for their good ol’ girlboss and malewife dynamic.. I would also consider Stolkien because their current relationship reminds me of a forbidden romance, it’s honestly interesting to look at it that way. I like to think he tries to get together with Tolkien in an attempt to open more doors for relationships, relating to his whole bicurious and gender questioning thing.

A BROTP I have with said character: Just like the brotp I have for Kyle, it’s Style. I also really like Stary as a friendship. I honestly hope that Gary might make a comeback and Stan would spend more time with him, while the rest of the main 4 gets absolutely mad they are hanging out with such a “wuss” and not with them instead >:( but unfortunately Gary is just a one and off character.

A NOTP I have with said character: I honestly don’t know what notp I have for him, I don’t seem to have any Stan ship that I actually loathe. I’m pretty sure I stated before that I LOVE ships featuring stan despite him not being my fave. Which is a bit weird to think about, but I’ll just leave it as a mere coincidence for now.

A random headcanon: Despite the fact that Stan’s goth phase was supposed to happen because of the fact Wendy broke up with him, he actually developed an interest in the goth style and still (secretly) hangs out with the goth kids. The goth kids don’t seem to mind being around him and they’re nice enough to actually guide him through the goth style! Stan REALLY enjoyed getting into it and the goth kids developed a soft spot for him, they’re a bunch of softies on the inside :( Stan would also wear a bunch of edgy black t shirts under his jacket because he just got soooooo into it. And his friends still don’t know about it, his interest in goth culture is still a secret, mostly out of fear of being ripped on.

General Opinion over said character: I honestly like him because he slightly reminds me of myself? We aren’t ENTIRELY similar but I can see myself in him. I also find a lot of his ships tasteful.

Kenny McCormick

Sexuality headcanon: I used to think he was a straight aromantic but now I can see him being pansexual, like I’m pretty sure he would love ANYTHING with titties. Him being a closeted pansexual aro is honestly very swaggy in my book. I say closeted because he literally lives in a family of rednecks, I think he’ll have to deal with a lot of internalized homophobia here. And I think it’s interesting to explore that in him! (The internalized homophobia idea was again not mine).

Gender headcanon: he’s a cis GNC man, he’s perfectly fine with identifying as a man but he loves dressing up as a princess, and he still does it from time to time!

A ship I have with said character: I don’t think I have any ship with him aside from Kenman. Their dynamic works very well and the way they laugh at each other’s jokes is so fuckeng adorable. I think their friendship should be explored more often, both in the actual show and in the fandom. There is a lot to unpack there. And also the way they carry a BFF necklace, adorable.

A BROTP I have with said character: Kenman again (I like it both romantically and platonically). I’m not used to ships with Kenny in them so I’m sorry if this is EXTREMELY bland.

A NOTP I have with said character: I’m sorry to say this but I never really found Bunny interesting.. that’s all I have to say, I’m sorry if that disappoints any of you.

Random headcanon: speaking of Kenny loving to dress as a princess, he sometimes roleplays as princesses with his little sister Karen, they come up with the most dramatic storylines ever and Kevin gets so annoyed by it sometimes and tells them to shut up. This one time Kenny and Karen stayed up all night playing dress up and they talked so loudly, that everyone woke up by the stupid annoying sounds they made. They never stopped doing it, and it was hell on earth for everyone else aside from these 2 mfs >:) I think there was also a point where all the other people around them heard it, but it was rather faint, so it took a while for everyone else to notice the loudness of it all.

General Opinion over said character: I never really thought about him, so my impression of him is a bit boring. But I’m hoping to dig more into his character if that’s what you guys want!

__________

Thank you so much for the question, it honestly got me to think more about the character’s personalities! :)

[izzyliker]

hey - this is one of the mods of the bi jon project. we don't actually dislike or disagree with pan jon at all, we just want to make a project focused on and celebrating bisexuality. our carrd is a bit rambling, but frankly we were trying our best/overcompensating to try and make sure people didn't misunderstand us and do - well, this. our intentions are good, and it's really kind of disenheartening to see all the hate we've gotten for what was meant to be a positive project. (1)

you're under no obligation to answer these, but i saw some of your posts in the tag and felt like reaching out because you did give us even the tiniest bit of slack in good faith. honestly, if you have any advice about what in our carrd is so overwhelmingly bad, we'd be happy to hear it. we've been trying to respond to the overwhelming amount of criticism we've got in a positive way, and take peoples' suggestions. (2)

as for why 'no anti-antis' was at the bottom of our rules list, it's legitimately bc we were trying so hard to be preventative about this negativity that we forgot to add it when we first posted the blog, and just remembered later. again, you're under no obligation to answer these, i just feel like no one's really actually letting us defend ourselves/are taking things in as bad faith a way as possible. (3)

im not exactly sure how the posts showed up in the tag bc ive been very purposefully not tagging them, also ive blocked all of you back (not sure why you blocked me if you actually want feedback, so it seems more like you just want free positive pr and not actual feedback) so its unlikely youll see whatever it is that i reply to this but whatever. 

the issues have all been repeatedly brought up to you so i dont really see how me repeating all of them once again could help. when i last looked at the cardd the things that stood out immediately included. 

pitting ace & bi identities and people against each other REPEATEDLY,  

starting off with a guilt trippy tone and maintaining it throughout (in my experience this is the #1 best way to receive backlash because people do not want to participate in events where you feel like youre being guilted into it, which going into scrutinizing detail over there not being enough content and passing judgement onto authors or artists over it is something that comes across as guilt trippy.),

repeatedly equating asexuality with sex repulsion (not to get into the misleading information about modteam aspec identity breakdowns, since you claimed that 3/4 of the team are aspec, which is technically correct, but what you didnt say was that only one is acespec. surely you know that [allosexual] aro and [alloromantic] ace are not interchangeable) and calling using biromantic over bisexual a “misunderstanding” of the identity as if how to define romantic vs sexual attraction (how to divide, if or if not to divide, use interchangeably different labels) isnt a deeply personal choice ace people who experience romantic attraction make, 

claiming that bisexual jon is canon (he isn’t. this is why people are suspicious of anti-other mspec identities sentiments. which theyre right, if youll be so kind as to stick around til the last paragraph) and repeatedly implying that the reason there isnt “enough” content centering bi jon because the aces are simply unable to not fixate on his asexuality (again, pitting identities against each other),

making the banned ship list way needlessly confusing and including ships that dont even include jon to it, which simply comes across as some kind of a list of bad ships, idk. a way to bypass this would simply be to say “we are looking for portrayals of healthy relationships!” and that couldve just been it. if you felt that that wouldnt exclude specific ships (eg. jondaisy that a lot of people write as a relationship between trauma survivors who have done very bad things trying to get better and learning to trust each other) it is possible to simply say “the modteam is squicked[/triggered] by ships with daisy/elias/peter and we’d like to read all of the works submitted so we’re asking not to receive submissions with those ships.” hating ships is literally completely normal but making rules hard to parse is going to attract questions, especially when the implication is that ships are excluded on the grounds of morality, and a blatant power difference ship (jonelias) is equated with jondaisy, which is from what ive seen almost exclusively shown to be a relationship between equals. that makes people EXTREMELY confused about where the line is. thats why youre getting so many questions about this.  

in general the carrd was spotty, guilt trippy, and needlessly moralizing where it definitely did not need to be. the key to getting people to engage without getting backlash is to make the event seem fun. when your carrd is filled with stuff about unrelated negative stuff people are not going to think it’s a fun event at all. 

and none of this even gets into the fact that at least one of the mods has a history of open hostility against pan people. i heard through the grapevine that he has since made a fauxpology about it, but frankly it already shone through in the language used in the event descriptions. its extremely hard to take any of this is good faith when it is easy to see that one of the organizers is quite fucking clear about thinking pansexuality is biphobic and the carrd is or at least used to be full of anti-pan (and other mspec identity) dogwhistles, and is notorious in some of the tma fic author circles for being extremely fucking nasty about trans men writing fic he doesn’t like to the point of pretending that we’re all cis people (in case youre not keeping track that is misgendering us by implication) because he doesn’t like it. i think some of you (or maybe all of you? idk) in general could stand to examine whether your engagements and participations in the fandom have been at all about having fun or adding positivity to anything, or simply making posts about what other people are doing wrong. it seems that every post i see from anyone in this group is guilt trippy and authoritative, and sadly this translated directly into the event. 

when youre, say, a trans man whose first touch to one of the mods was a post about how fic where trans men have piv sex with cis men is hurting him personally and making it a moral issue and not a matter of a simple preference to the point where he feels comfortable making claims about the trans men (and transmasc nonbinary people) writing fic about trans characters re: their gender or whether theyre fetishizing trans men, your willingness to engage in good faith with an event hosted by him that features numerous red flags is not going to be unconditional. 

im sorry to hear that it has been bad for your mental health, and idk whats fucking going on with this event anymore, but my good faith interpretations have diminished significantly since i saw the shit tmc specifically has been saying about pansexual people and pansexuality as an identity label. i have no clue where the rest of you stand but tmc has repeatedly, consistently shown himself to be unable to act in good faith towards anyone other than people who agree with him.  

[mousemonopoly]

People who are going into dissertation level discourse around Encanto and whether or not it's like appropriate to have head canons about the characters' genders need to stop. First of all there's a difference between a headcanon and Canon or someone trying to push something to be fanon. Someone saying I think that Bruno is non-binary is not necessarily saying that they want everyone to think that Bruno is non-binary headcanons exist for people to have in their own heads. Secondly when I point out that it's a little bit sus to have trans headcanons about any slightly masculine woman or slightly feminine man I'm given crap about taking away representation from people who want it. But for some reason with this particular movie we're finally entertaining that conversation? Is it because we perceive latine people to be more conservative when it comes to gender? Is that a good thing? It's like when someone told me that they don't appreciate when pussy is supposedly equal to women but it's okay and that song about pussy being in power because supposedly in the black community there is a strong sense of pussy being equal to Womanhood. Which like do you think that that isn't part of the white community? Like honestly where do you think that they got it? Who do you think was reinforcing the heteronormativity?

Ultimately everyone is bringing something to this movie themselves. And queer white people aren't going to bring the same thing that Latine folks are going to bring to their viewing. Why does someone else's viewing take away from your viewing? It's not real. If you are uncomfortable because someone headcanons that Louisa is trans because she's masculine, then you need to come to terms with the fact that what you are uncomfortable with is that you perceive trans women on some level as being actually men and so you're uncomfortable with the fact that someone who looks slightly masculine might be actually a man through your eyes. If you see trans women as women then you would have no issue with Louisa being portrayed as trans because it would not take away from her Womanhood. You don't have to see her as trans yourself. You get to have your own personal viewing experience. You don't have to agree with other people. And maybe you would understand that if you weren't the kind of person who pushed your experience on everyone else.

Because ultimately that's the fucking problem here. Fandom has gotten to a place where you are not allowed to have an individual experience with a text. Because whoever can come up with the supposedly wokest headcanon we all have to agree with that person or suddenly we are bigots. If you don't agree that such and such is actually asexual and non-binary and whatever then suddenly you're anti asexuality and anti non-binary. Which is why now we're having this thesis level discourse over a bad Disney movie And over characters who most of whom have two to three minutes of screen time.

Can we just fucking chill? Can you just watch a movie and say I like that? Can we all just live our lives?

[wadebae]

I hate “discourse” but I have something to say. There are still ppl in the year 2020 who think asexuals are “trying to invade” lgbt spaces or some shit and hate us in extremely radicalized and concerning ways, and it’s disgusting. You might not be asexual and you might not care, but there’s a reason why there’s a huge overlap with people who hate aces and people who hate trans women. There’s a reason why people who buy into this can often also spew such radicalized hate speech that they sounds indistinguishable from TERFs, despite perhaps literally being the polar opposite of a TERF.

There’s a reason why there’s been a push to have young lgbt people swallow the propaganda of “queer is a slur” and “don’t trust anyone who calls themselves queer” despite the fact that the same people will often reclaim dyke, fag, or gay as their own proud identities. And there’s nothing wrong with that. My issue lies with the hypocrisy of policing the labels of others.

So why are those slurs ok to reclaim and not queer? Because queer is “too inclusive” and “will allow undesirables into the community.” But Queer was the rallying cry of your own history. It was a reclamation of yes, a slur, used to spit back into the face of heteronormativity and those who violently wanted us dead. It’s been used in popular media - Queer as Folk, Queer Eye - for decades. It’s used in college courses. Queer History. Queer Studies.

Queer is perhaps the one most all-encompassing word, if you don’t want to use an “alphabet soup” of letters for fear of diminishing any one community’s validity to stand alongside one another. But those who hate the word, think that the community should be boiled down to just LGBT as if that’s all we are and all we ever were, when history points to the contrary.

It honestly breaks my heart -- not that one might be offended by the word, because we all have our own experiences of what slurs were used against us personally and which ones we’ll never reclaim. But rather it breaks my heart because there are many, many LGBTQ+ folks who feel that queer is the only one word that can actually describe them without misrepresenting part of their identity. People are complex. We cannot all fit into one or two boxes, nice and neat, no matter how often I’ve wished I could myself because it would be less confusing.

Queer as an identity meant to be all-encompassing, like a verbal blanket that says, yes you do belong even if you don’t have the words yet to describe yourself or never will.

When you tell a stranger, *I* do not identify as queer, therefore *you* are not allowed to use it, you’re not only spitting in their face but also in the faces of people who came before us and paved the way so Pride can be a celebration today instead of a funeral march or a riot. There are people who want Pride to be a riot again but don’t even remember what that means or who started it.

When you push down others who don’t fit nice and neat into just L, G, B, or T, (people who often do identify with one or more of these communities, but who also can only find comfort in additional labels, or god forbid, one nebulous label like ‘queer’ because it’s the only place they truly feel at ease) you’re standing alongside a history of oppressors who said that we are all wrong. Because to people who violently hate us, it doesn’t matter if you’re a lesbian, a gay man, bisexual, trans, pansexual, poly, genderfluid, nonbinary, asexual, aromantic, demi, agender, genderqueer, or whatever words we might have to describe ourselves, if you don’t fit the mold, to them you’re just queer and something to stamp out. They do not care what you are exactly.

I know why people get annoyed. It’s strange to have new labels crop up, especially when they don’t describe you and you’ll never fully understand what it feels like. But just because the words are new (to you) doesn’t mean that what it describes is new. Yes, there are many, many labels and micro-identities. There’s an explosion of young people who feel safe enough to test the waters and see what sticks. If it’s silly, it will fall out of use. If it makes sense, it will endure.

I know why people get scared. The world is full of horrible people, nazis, racists, rapists, pedophiles, trolls who twist our own words against us to try to invalidate our lived experiences. But by lashing out against other LGBTQ+ people, you don’t fight off “the invaders”, you just rip the community into pieces. There are young, questioning, scared kids growing up right now and seeing this shit and being actually damaged by the gatekeeping and toxic behavior aimed within the community. Young people need to know it’s okay to try different labels and it’s okay to not know yet, or to never know.

The community isn’t a castle you can protect. You either are LGBTQ+ or you are not. You cannot know someone else’s mind and feelings and whether they are what they say they are. You can only see their words and actions. Instead of worrying about policing other people’s labels and who is barred from imaginary castles, worry about how people behave towards others. Because I do not care who you are, if you are harassing people, spreading harmful misinformation, making hate speech, or sending threats, you fucking suck and you become part of the problem. No number of labels will protect you from being a shitty human being. You might be “part of the community” but you will never be welcome in my book. That’s how that works.

[kinkymagnus]

Henlo!! I love your blog so much 😍 it gives me life and makes me happy when I have a bad day. I was wondering if you had any headcanons about Malec’s first time or something where Magnus is a nervous wreck cause he has to tell Alec that he’s trans? Thank you and sorry for the bother 😭♥️

y’all it is a CRIME how long this has been in my inbox, im really sorry and ur not bothering me at ALL i just love this ask and wanted to do it JUSTICE 👏

also im!!! so flattered!!! aaaaaAAAA im glad my blog can cheer u up :) 

okokok so trans magnus + malec’s first time + magnus being nervous about coming out lghkjgfh

ok i have no fucking idea why but i’m making this twi malec. i’m just. in the mood for twi malec i guess. fuck it amiright

magnus is just. he has a lot of secrets. there’s a reason he hasn’t gotten close to anyone in a long time, there’s a reason he only talks to two or three people who actually know him, there’s a reason he hasn’t been how he used to be--out and about, flashy and showing off and wearing armor made of glittering beauty and colorful silks and bold makeup, instead of comfortable cardigans and twitching hands and quiet. 

speaking of which: def headcanon twi magnus wasn’t always the way he is in that episode. he was a lot like canon magnus once upon a time, charismatic (well, he’s still charismatic, but like, in that bold flashy way, you know?) and open (closed off, but with the illusion of having all his cards on the table) and bold

anyway. there’s a reason. lots of reasons. mostly all the secrets he hides.

the fact that he has magic, that he’s immortal, a dusty relic of a time long gone, of an age past, clinging on past his due date. he feels like he doesn’t belong in the modern world, like he should have died with the shadow world, like he should have been sealed out with all the other demons.

the fact that he is a prince king of hell, son and slayer of the greater demon asmodeous himself. even tho he’s sealed it all away, he has a huge amount of power, both from just. originally being the son of such a powerful demon, a fallen angel, and also from managing to kill one.

i don’t think it fits with canon twi lore but i don’t care, i’m saying twi magnus was involved in the sealing of the realm, and he managed to kill asmodeous and basically absorb his power, so a) he actually did this huge incredible feat that changed the whole world, whether on purpose or not i’m not sure yet (it has something to do with asmodeous, but i’m not seeing the whole picture yet) and b) he’s actually. more powerful than canon magnus. it’s partially why he sealed away his magic for so long, he was afraid of what that power could do. 

honestly i dont have this super well thought out but i like the potential

but anyway! barely related to this! let’s get back on topic!

and. the fact that he’s trans. a decidedly more mundane secret, but still one he keeps close to his chest. he’s lived through a lot of eras with bad very transphobic times? like he’s lived through places/times with very accepting atmopshere, but he’s also lived in like, victorian england, you know? and canon magnus had a chance to be more out of his shell and open in the modern world but this magnus has completely closed himself off. he mostly talks to people other than his close friends to give them a tarot reading. he’s not like, totally cut off, i can’t imagine him like. not helping people. you know. idek. but the point is he’s more isolated. canon magnus was closed off in a lot of ways, but still surrounded by people. he had a job to do, people to protect, and parties to attend. not to mention going to pandemonium and stuff. twi magnus isn’t really doing that. man i really went on a tangent here but the point is i feel like that would contribute to how he feels about being trans. feeling isolated, having less friends to be open with and to help him you know? in my experience it’s a lot harder to feel like. valid? without that sense of community. even with a few close friends, it’s hard. if you’re “passing”, which magnus is, it feels like a secret. 

the point is! i am getting so off track! magnus has got layers and layers and layers protecting him, both literal and metaphorical (he doesn’t wear the more flashy and revealing clothing canon magnus occasionally favors, preferring thick and comfortable sweaters and cardigans and stuff like that. bonus headcanon: whatever happened that ended in asmodeous dead and the walls of the world sealed, it left magnus with more scars. not to mention top surgery scars he may have, or even just hiding a binder, or using thick layers to disguise small tiddies since binders are great but you can’t bind all the time or every day for centuries and still be like, healthy. anYWAY) 

and when he starts dating alec despite that little cautious voice in his head insisting he needs to not get attached, alec begins to just. effortlessly peel those layers away

he’s so blunt and honest, unlike people who have lied to and manipulated magnus in the past (CAMILLE, anyone? i feel like she’d still be a thing in the twiverse. also asmodeous, albeit in a different way) and he’s gentle and loud and bold and he’s funny and sweet and he just. fucking cares about magnus.

when he finds about magnus’s magic he’s like “oh my god that’s so cool” he just fucking accepts him so easily!!! 

and even when magnus ends up tearfully confessing he may or may not be a literal king of hell (or, one of the hell dimensions) alec’s like “damn, i’m dating royalty?” and maybe makes a joke about not everyone getting to make a king scream with pleasure and magnus is just so relieved???

but that’s later

anyway

they haven’t had sex yet and magnus is just like. he feels like inevitably this relationship is gonna fall apart. he has too many secrets, too many hidden parts of himself that if he ever shed light on, alec wouldn’t see him the same way

and as much as he wants alec to fuck him, as much as he wants to be in bed with alec and cuddle with him and have sex with him and show him everything, he feels like he can’t, it would be the beginning of the end

he keeps pulling back just as alec begins to initiate, and alec never pushes but wonders if he’s doing something wrong, or if maybe magnus is asexual, or just doesn’t want to have sex for other reasons, and eventually he broaches the topic with magnus and magnus is so surprised alec noticed something is wrong (he expected alec might confront him over not “putting out” but alec doesn’t seem to care about the sex--he makes sure to emphasize while he is attracted to magnus and would lvoe to have sex with him if that’s what magnus wants, it’s by no means a requirement--but more about. magnus. and communicating with him.) that he just blurts out i’m trans. 

and alec kinda blinks at him. his beautiful, wonderful, nervous and scared boyfriend. and he ends up blurting out oh thank god. because he would be more than okay with magnus not wanting to have sex--he’s super gorgeous and absolutely smoking hot, but alec doesn’t ever like, want to have sex with him unless magnus wants to. obviously. but he was honestly worried it wasn’t magnus but him, that he’d done something wrong or wasn’t attractive or something, and honestly worrying about something being wrong with him was not a feeling he was used to. then he realizes how bad that just sounded, and he’s like, aaaaaaaAAAA WAIT and ends up panickedly rambling like i mean sorry i just was kind of worried i was doing something wrong but like, i love you so much and you being trans changes nothing about that, and if you never want to have sex that’s totally okay and i love you, but if you’re worried about me still being attracted to you that’s not a problem, but-- and magnus is like y-you’re not?? but you’re gay! and i’m-- and you know that feeling of like. internalized [insert form of bigotry towards yourself, in this case transphobia]. where you think something bad about yourself. and if you think about it you’re like “no that’s transphobic i would never think that about anyone else” and your brain is just like “yeah it’s true about you tho” that’s this. magnus is like. i’m not a real man, how could you be attracted to me? and alec (not to be all Cis Savior, but look, magnus deserves a loving supportive boyfriend who comforts him and shit, okay! i am PROJECTING) is like yeah i’m gay and you’re a gorgeous, beautiful, stunning man? 

and they end up talking it out and get it sorted that yes, magnus does want to have sex, but it would be okay if one of them didn’t want to, magnus being trans does not make alec unattracted to him, it’s okay, they’re okay, because malec are Kings of Communication,

ANYWAY

ACTUAL FIRST TIME

probably not the same day, that day they cuddle and talk 

but like later

>:)

alec is just so gentle and reverent y’all. like. them big hands on magnus’s body, all warm and gentle and magnus is like oh fuck this is nice

they do have to kind of communicate boundaries--alec’s asks if there’s anywhere magnus doesn’t want to be touched because dysphoria (or any other reason) and vice versa, magnus trying to be like “you know if you only want to fuck my ass or have me wear a strap-on or anything like that it’s fine, i understand you’re not necessarily attracted to those parts of me” and alec’s like “we’ve established that you would enjoy me eating you out and i WANT TO EAT YOU OUT” 

their first time probably is pretty simple, “vanilla”, idk why but im thinking they just exchange oral sex tbh like magnus blows him and then alec eats him out 

also magnus cums pretty fast bc he hasn’t been touched like this in a long time and he’s very embarrassed about it but alec is like “damn that’s hot can i try to make you cum a few more times” 

ok but imagine their first time it’s just alec holding him down and eating him out until he sobs and squirts? yes

anyway tho they have like, lots of “other” first times too like. first time alec fucks his pussy. first time alec fucks his ass. etc. 

first time alec slides that Thick Dick balls deep into magnus’s cunt he’s for sure immediately on the edge of orgasming he’s so full and it feels so good--

and alec’s like holy SHIT bc he’s warm and wet and tight and he clenches every time alec praises him or dirty talks him and it feels amazing

first time alec fucks his ass is also very fun for both of them ;) 

it’s just a good time all around folks communication and magnus getting pounded the way he deserves :’) 

not to mention when they first start getting into kinks 

alec, carefully broaching the topic of bondage: how would you feel... about handcuffs?

magnus, barely looking up: mm, padded or not? and what kind of padding? the normal kind hurt my wrists after too long and not really in a nice way, so i like padded. furry can get a little itchy sometimes but they look real nice. also, are we talking above my head to the bedpost, and if so, am i on my stomach or back? because stomach is a little uncomfortable. or like, behind my back? especially bent over, mm. good view for you ;) 

then he like looks up and realized he’s said all of this very casually and alec’s looking at him with 1. shock and 2. lust 

like. “i wasn’t expecting this, but i really should have, and now i want to bend you over and tie you up and fuck you hard” 

and he blushes just a lil bit like o shit i just said all that and alec’s like “padded it is. behind your back or above your head... hm... both have potential, but maybe the latter? i love you on your back under me, i can see so much of your beautiful body and all of your gorgeous face :)” 

and like TOYS 

aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA ANYWAY

[aro-ace-advice]

Hey there. My sister recently told me that she is ace and questioning her gender. I noticed that you identify as aroace so I was wondering if you have any tips on how I can be as supportive as possible. Is there anything your siblings or friends do that you appreciate? Or something you wish they would do? I am so grateful that she felt she could share this with me so I want to make sure I don’t make her uncomfortable in any way.

i was so happy to get your ask, anon! it’s wonderful of you to be so considerate of how you handle her coming out. she’s lucky to have a sibling like you. my coming out wasn’t nearly as bad as what some people go through, but it certainly wasn’t a pleasant experience. here are some tips for you (and any other allies in a similar situation)!

do not tell them that they are too young to know their gender / sexuality. the one thing i heard more than anything else when i first came out as ace (i was 13, i think?) was “no, you’re too young to know” and that was damaging. i’m several years older now and i still no longer feel comfortable coming out to people i don’t know very well for fear of being dismissed. i know that most people mean you have to look out for the possibility of things changing and to not get too set in something at such a young age, but honestly, there are better ways to phrase it that don’t make the person you’re talking to feel invalidated. instead of saying “you’re too young”, say something like “if that changes somewhere down the road, it’s okay! how you’re feeling right now is important, but allow yourself room to grow” and then drop the issue. they might say “it won’t,” and if that happens just say “alright, i believe you” and leave it at that, regardless of whether or not you actually believe them. even if it does change for them someday, what they’re feeling when they come out to you is real and it’s valid. they will understand and accept a potential label change so much better if you call it growth. they’re familiar with the concept of growing, and with the idea of gradually changing to fit something new, like how you grow out of your old clothes so you get new ones that fit better. lgbt+ people will often come out with a certain label that they find comforting (especially if they’re coming out for the first time) because they’ve found that a part of themselves doesn’t fit with whatever labels society gave them in the first place. “you’re too young to know” and “it will change later” don’t introduce the idea of growth. instead, they introduce the idea that society was right– a society that they are coming to find intolerant of the difference they feel within themselves. don’t force the idea that they don’t know themselves. i can guarantee you they know what it is they’re feeling better than you, because they are the ones experiencing it and you are the one watching them experience it, even if you have better words for it than they do. let them tell you how they feel, not the other way around.

stand with them if you hear someone else say anything degrading or invalidating about their gender / sexuality. i can’t even begin to explain how much it would have helped me if just one person had stood beside me when someone told me i was too young or that asexuality wasn’t real or any of the number of negative things i was told. don’t speak over them when they come out to people or talk about their orientation, but if you just stand beside them, they’ll feel safer and supported knowing that you’ve got their back without having to be the center of attention. step in only if it gets to be too much for them. they have to fight their own battles, but allies are there as backup! remember that, allies. it’s not about you, it’s about them, so make sure that how they feel and what they say is in the spotlight.

do your research. it was exhausting to have to come out to people over and over again because they just didn’t put any effort towards understanding what i was trying to tell them. when someone talks about their gender / sexuality, listen. do your research, and then ask them to correct you when you get something wrong. pretty much every orientation besides gay & lesbian isn’t very well known, and if it is, then it isn’t widely accepted. coming out can be terrifying and exhausting, and when you’re one of the lesser known / accepted letters of the acronym (or one of the ones that isn’t even listed) it can become even more so, especially when you come out to someone and they say “what’s that?” and then you have to go through it all over again as if you were just coming out for the very first time. that can even be dangerous. some people aren’t homophobic, but they’re transphobic. some people might have an issue with nonbinary people or bi folks. so even if we know someone isn’t homophobic, we might have to worry about the other things, and when you have to actually take the time to explain these other things to them, it becomes even scarier. some lgbt+ people are very okay with helping to educate allies (people like me, who run advice blogs and internet forums and information booths and the like), but some are less willing to go through that process over and over again, and that’s something that needs to be respected. please do not bombard your lgbt+ friends / family members with questions unless we’ve shown we’re willing to discuss these things with you whenever. we’re not walking gay thesauruses, we’re people, and sometimes we need a break. the more you do your own research into all things lgbt+, the more we’ll feel willing to answer whatever questions you have, because we can see that you’re trying as opposed to someone who expects us to know everything and be willing to teach everything all the time.

if you make a mistake, own up to it. mislabeling happens. bad jokes happen. we know this. if we get uncomfortable about something and ask you not to do it again, please do not get defensive and attempt to rid yourself of the blame. if someone insulted you (whether accidentally or on purpose) you’d be upset, right? and if they started saying “relax, it was just a joke” or “lighten up” and brushed you off instead of saying “oh, i didn’t know, i’m sorry”, you’d just get more and more upset and you probably wouldn’t want to deal with those people again. that’s how we feel when allies don’t listen to us about stuff like that. people fuck up. it happens to everyone. the important thing is to be able to understand this, be considerate towards other people, and apologize when you unintentionally do something wrong. nobody reasonable is going to hunt you down for making a mistake. all we ask is that you own up to it and watch your language so you don’t do it again.

follow their lead.this is an area in which it is impossible for you to know better than they do, as you are not the person living it. if they say no to something, accept it. if they tell you something about themselves, don’t question it. make sure that you ask them before you say or do anything regarding their gender or sexuality in social situations. some trans folks will want to correct people if they get misgendered, and some won’t. some gay folks will want to come out to everyone around them, and some won’t, and so on so forth. these are their decisions, and it’s important that they are the ones to make them. just listen and follow their examples, and remember that each lgbt+ person is different and they’re going to handle things differently. 

as long as you listen to each lgbt+ person about the kind of ally they need you to be, you will do just fine! as tan france says, make an effort. that’s what’s really important!

[naazaif327]

I’m so done with people acting like I’m being a wet blanket (or straight up calling me a bigot) for saying Good Omens is queerbaiting. Like, its not even that Crowley and Aziraphale don’t fuck, or that they don’t kiss. They could be asexual and panromantic, they could be nonbinary, they could be whatever. And honestly, that’s the problem. It could be anything, and it could be nothing. They really could just be very close friends. We have to project everything onto the characters like its the early 2000s and all the queer relationships on TV have to be implied.

It’s not that they don’t fuck, or kiss. It’s that they don’t say “I love you”. They don’t say “I’m not really a man/woman, I’m an angel/demon”. They don’t say “I don’t (or can’t) have sex”. It doesn’t matter how much they imply it, it doesn’t matter if Michael Sheen said they were a couple in an interview, and it doesn’t matter what Neil Gaiman said after the fact on twitter or tumblr, just like it didn’t mean shit when JK Rowling announced  that Dumbledore was gay after the books came out, and only implied it in FC2. It’s not in the actual show/book/text, so its not canon.

If you felt represented, that’s great. I felt represented when I watched 30 Rock and got to see Jonathan, ‘cause he was the first gay south asian man in anything I’d ever watched or read. But that doesn’t automatically make it good representation. Jonathan was literally just the predatory gay stereotype for six seasons, desperately in love with his abusive straight boss to a horrifying (and presumably comedic) level. And I ate it up because those were the scraps I’ve been given.

In 2019, we shouldn’t have to “project” genders and sexualities onto characters for representation. There are real stories out there with lgbtq+ rep out there. A story with two leads played by straight white cis men with an ambiguous relationship that we have to project queerness onto is not the amazing rep that you think it is.

(I also want to add, I don’t hate Neil Gaiman, nor do I think he’s a bigot or something. I just think that in his book/show, being all wink-wink-nudge-nudge about whether certain characters are queer while having the two straight leads bone onscreen after having met like five minutes ago, is a bad look)

If you want real rep, try some of these:

-Tales of the City (gay, lesbian, bisexual, and trans characters)

-Pose (multiple trans women, and a few mlm and bisexual characters)

-The Bright Sessions (asexual-panromantic character, mlm couple, bisexual and possibly demisexual characters)

-Orphan Black (gay and lesbian characters, minor character is a trans man in season 2)

-Sense8 (lesbian trans woman, and gay couple, and by season 2 pretty much everyone is pansexual)

-Vida (bisexual character, butch lesbian character, nonbinary character, etc)

-The Other Two (gay lead, with queer actors and writers, and several mlm minor characters)

-Now Apocalypse (most characters are somewhere in the middle of the kinsey scale)

-ars PARADOXICA (asexual main character, mlm and wlw couples, bisexual characters)

-One Day at a Time (wlw couple, one of whom is nonbinary)

-Schitt’s Creek (mlm couple, lead pansexual character)

-Love and Luck podcast (mlm love story with a trans man as a lead character, plus many, many lgbt minor characters, acted and written by queer people)

-Sirens (asexual character, plus mlm)

[arosnowflake]

don’t reblog this maybe but this intracommunity aro/aspec discourse has really highlighted how my experiences with being aroace differ from the majority of the aroace community and it makes me. uncomfy.

(I was gonna do the following section in the tags but it got too long so. enjoy the rambly post I guess.)

It’s so weird too??? In almost all ways, I’m the most stereotypical aroace to have ever aroaced; I’m sex- and romance repulsed, I do not want either sexual or romantic relationships, I want a qpr (I realize that wanting a qpr is not the norm outside of aro communities, but this assumption does kind of tend to exist within aro communities, although from what I’ve seen that has certainly died down), I found out I was ace in my late teens and figured out I was aro a year or two after that, I do not nor have I ever experienced any type of romantic or sexual attraction (aka I’m not gray-ace or gray-aro), I’m not an oriented aroace, etc. 

Unlike with my trans/nb identity I tend to actually relate to the wider aroace community; it’s by far the easiest queer identity I have because I generally fall within the parameters of what’s ‘expected’ of an aroace 99% of the time. There’s really only two major exceptions:

I do not find it difficult to distinguish between my aromanticism and my asexuality. They are not the same for me. I see my asexuality and aromanticism as two separate identities that just so happen to coincide. 

I consider my aromanticism to be a LOT more important than my asexuality. Really I’m more aro(ace) than aroace if you get what I mean.

And BOY are those differences highlighted by the recent discourse.

Like, I know that to aroaces who already feel alienated by the aroace community this must seem eye-roll-worthy, and I acknowledge how lucky I am that I (mostly) managed to feel safe and comfortable in the aroace community (albeit it more on the aro side of things than on the ace side), but like??? I’m really unused to feeling so alienated from the aroace community and it’s uhhhh unfun.

But honestly in this discourse? I just cannot at all relate to or get behind the aroace community’s approach to it. I don’t feel threatened by the idea that we might have a complete separation from the ace community. As a matter of fact, that’s what I want. If it were up to me and I didn’t have to take the feelings of anyone else into account, I’d want a complete separation between the ace and aro communities. I’d want to maintain strong ties between the communities, obviously, but I’m so fucking tired of being grouped together with the ace community. I want the aro community to be able to stand on its own as the ace community’s equal, not their younger sibling who still needs guidance. I want us to be our own thing without relying on the ace community at all. I want a complete separation of asexuality and aromanticism. 

I acknowledge, however, that this is likely not practical. There are too many aroaces tying us together, and we share too much history. It would be unfair to aroaces who cannot separate their aromanticism and asexuality and/or just don’t want to choose like that to just implement a complete schism without regard for consequences. I acknowledge that. I still want it.

It’s not that I hate the ace community. I really don’t. I honestly don’t feel as bitter towards it as a lot of the aro community seems to. I really think that the ace community is one of the most welcoming communities I’ve ever been in; they helped me understand my asexuality in a way that lifted me up and made me secure in it, and I’m really thankful to them for helping me through that vulnerable time. I think that it’s amazing what the ace community has managed to achieve in such little time; barely a decade ago, we were nothing, and now, we are steadily on our way to becoming a widely recognized sexuality, with well-organized groups and clear objectives. It’s seriously impressive.

At the same time, however, they royally screwed up my aro education, to the point where even though I was very, VERY clearly aromantic I was extremely hesitant to adopt the label, and it wasn’t until I actually managed to get involved in the aro community via a mutual that I actually started embracing it; in fact, before I talked to that mutual, I was really only peripherally aware of the existence of an aro community. I did not understand what a qpr was. I did not understand how the aromanticism was a spectrum, or know any aro identities outside of aro, gray-aro, and demiro (it was thanks to another mutual that I got off my initial high horse about greyro identities and actually started researching them with an open mind, by the way. I’m still definitely not perfect and consider them to be my largest blind spot in the aro community, but at least I’m trying to learn). I was not aware of any aspects of aro culture, or at least they didn’t register (white ring, arrows, etc. etc). And those were really just minor things.

The big kicker for me is that, honestly, my experience with the way the ace community treated aromanticism was. kinda different from what most aros seem to have experienced. Maybe it’s the people I interacted with, the blogs I followed, idk, but whatever it is, I got the impression that my aromantic traits were part of my asexuality. I never really felt like the ace community was pushing the ‘aces can love!’ message too hard; instead, I got the opposite. I got posts joking about how aces don’t get crushes. About how aces are annoyed with romantic subplots. I got essays written where the author stated that they don’t feel romantic attraction because they are asexual. I got posts about how characters who said “I don’t understand/want romance” are ace. I got ace activists who talked about being aroace without ever mentioning the ‘aro’ part, or who mentioned it in passing at best, and who often still positioned themselves as authorities on aromanticism despite that. All the time that I’ve spent in the ace community, and I consistently saw asexuality conflated with aromanticism. I still see it every time I go into the ace community. It’s why I’m not active in it anymore. 

As a result, I did not understand the impact that my aromanticism had my life, or even that I was aromantic at all; I got the impression that all my aro traits could be ascribed to my asexuality. As a result, I spent a long time identifying as a non-SAM-using ace, then as an aroace who strongly favored their asexuality, and then an aroace who didn’t think their aromanticism could be separated from their asexuality. But, as I have stated earlier in this essay, I can separate them. Very easily, even. I just didn’t have the proper tools yet to identify my aromanticism. This was also the reason why I thought my asexuality was more important; I didn’t have the proper tools to recognize my aromanticism, and with that, the effect it had on my daily life.

(Disclaimer: I’m obviously not saying that all aroaces who consider their aromanticism to be part of their asexuality, or who can’t distinguish between them, or who favor their asexuality are going to have the same experience that I did. Plenty of aroaces won’t. I’m just talking about a personal experience.)

The ace community screwed up my aro education by failing to recognize that aromanticism is not a facet of asexuality. While the ace community loves to remind everyone that aces can still feel romantic attraction, they are blindsided to the fact that aros can still feel sexual attraction. That aromanticism is not inherently tied to asexuality, and that the experiences of aroaces who cannot seperate their aromanticism and their asexuality aren’t universal in the aro community by any means. 

I can forgive the ace community for not educating me on things coined by or primarily used by aros, such as qpr’s, aro culture elements, and greyro identities. They are not required to keep up with every step that our community takes. I cannot forgive them for failing to provide me with basic information on aromanticism other than the acknowledgement that it existed, for consistently conflating aromanticism and asexuality, for failing to give me the proper resources to figure out my aro identity, when we are supposed to be ‘connected’ communities. 

TL;DR: my aro education got severely fucked up by the assumption that all aros are asexual, and if it hadn’t been for a complete fluke of striking up a conversation with someone who happened to be involved in the aro community, I might have never been able to properly appreciate or recognize my aromanticism. 

You can see how these experiences kind of overlap with those of allo aros. Obviously, they’re not the same, like at all, but the fact of the matter is that I can relate to the bitterness that allo aros feel towards the ace community. Often a lot more than I can relate to aroaces’ feelings towards the ace community, be they negative or positive. 

And because of those experiences, you can see why I’m distrustful of letting the ace community stay intrinsically connected to the aro community. They are larger, and therefore have a louder voice and more reach; if we, as aros, don’t grow on our own, outside of the ace community’s shadow, I’m genuinely unsure of whether we’ll ever be able to reach our full potential. Because as it stands, the majority of aros will need to go through the ace community first, and I think they’ve sufficiently proven to be wholly inadequate in providing aros resources to figure out their aromanticism. And frankly? I don’t want the ace community to be the primary educators on aromanticism. That’s a recipe for disaster no matter what. I want the aro community to be the go-to place for information on aromanticism, and that can only happen if we are as loud, as big as the ace community. 

I don’t relate to a lot of aroaces’ torn feelings between the ace community and the aro community, because in my case, that choice was made a long time ago: it’s the aro community. It will always be the aro community. While I’m thankful towards the ace community for sheltering me when I was vulnerable, and while I will always stand with them if they need to fight against assholes or need to spread awareness, and while I’ll probably never really drop the ace label and will occasionally participate in ace-centric discussions, they are not my priority, because I was never theirs. There is no love lost between me and the ace community. My aromanticism is the part of me that is most prominent in day-to-day life, and it’s what I consider to be the most important because of that; the aro community is tiny still, struggling to gain recognition and find a direction, and it needs my support more than the ace community ever did. 

Furthermore, in this discussion, I strongly believe that the aro community needs to prioritize the feelings of allo aros, and other non-asexual aros and aros who do not feel comfortable in the ace community for other reasons.  While we aroaces are definitely important and should obviously have a say in the way the community is heading (I mean. Duh. We’re aro), I’m uncomfortable with aroaces taking charge of community conversations because I feel like that’s just a repeat of what’s been happening in the wider aspec community for a long, long time: ace people taking charge, leaving less-recognized aros in the dust. Obviously, a large part of that is due to my own personal experiences with aces talking over aros for the majority of my aro education, and I’m (perhaps irrationally) scared that the same thing is going to happen here. But a large part of it is also due to the fact that, as is, aroaces are the largest voice in the aro community; this is an undeniable fact. It would be easy, way too easy, for us to unknowingly drown out the voices of allo aros, when we should be amplifying them and giving them a place of honor. The ace community’s problems with aromanticism affect non-asexual aros the most and in unique ways, and I feel like they should be leading the discussion surrounding it no matter what, really.

But I feel kind of like a traitor to aroace people because of this. My needs for the aro community obviously don’t align with that of other aroaces; I’d be willing to let relationships with the ace community burn entirely if it meant securing a spot for the aro community, which would obviously fuck over aroaces who DO need the ace community and want to participate in it, and aroaces who just simply aren’t capable of separating their aromanticism from their asexuality. I just fundamentally cannot relate to those needs and the feelings that come along with it. I just can’t. 

As a result, aside from reblogging some posts, I’ve been mostly quiet about my personal opinions on the topic. I do not feel like I’m the right person to be involved in this discourse; as an aroace, I have too much emotional baggage surrounding the ace community to advocate for their needs and I have been absent from the ace community for too long to have a good grasp on it anyway; and as an aromantic plain and simple, I do not feel like I should be leading this charge anyway because of my asexuality. While I find it bad to split the aro community in terms like that (I don’t believe that this discourse is a simple matter of aroaces vs. allo aros; it’s much more complicated than that, and I’ve seen aroaces and allo aros supporting each other, and of course there’s also non-SAM-aros and greyros/grayaces to consider in this discourse, which I haven’t really seen come up yet aside from a handful of posts), it really does often feel like this is the split around which the discourse is centered. And it sucks to not easily be able to identify with either ‘side’, and to lose the security I thought I had in the (aro-leaning side of the) aroace community. 

This is probably the last I’m going to say on this intracommunity issue on my own; I’ll be reblogging posts and watching it go down, but I don’t feel like I’m in any way equipped to really have meaningful say in this discourse. I might change my mind later on, but as of now, this is where I stand: confused, mainly.

[vtori73]

*me recalling a post someone shared on labels*

Okay... it's still bugging me so I'm going to just talk about it. So, a post I saw ON HERE not twitter or Instagram or anywhere else but HERE where I normally don't expect to see posts like this waa reblogged to my dash. Im not going to say it's necessarily all bad but I am still a bit surprised that I saw it & just... doesn't really, at least too me, make any good arguments and more so comes off as wanting to police identities & caring more about understandability then actually caring about LGBTIA+/ Queer people.

Instead of forcing you all to scroll through my whole post if you don't want to read my word vomit I'll add a read more (quick cw for brief mention of harrasment/assault):

Now the basic gist of the post was wanting people to change the conversation of if certain labels are "valid" to "are these labels necessary or useful" which... in my honest opinion I think both conversation either way are kind of... pointless. They just feel like they kind of take time away from actual important topics that we, the LGBTIA/Queer community, should be having. Why are we still bothering with this pointlessness of labels similar to how people are overly obsessed with flag discourse or slur discourse NONE OF THIS ACTUALLY MATTERS FOR FUCKS SAKE in the grand scheme of things.

I'm not saying some labels can't be problematic of course... well probably. Like, for example this one I heard someone bring up that was put on a wiki about "wanting to have pure bloodlines" or something like that but... I feel like I shouldn't have to explain ALL of the why's to why that one shouldn't count as a legit example. Anyway, I bring this up because this WAS brought up as a counter to the argument someone made about labels, most likely a pro-label argument I don't remember exactly what was being said though this was Twitter not Tumblr though so it was unrelated to the post I'm discussing here.

This tumblr post I saw just seems like the thinking/foundation for what I see a lot in the gate-keeping LGBTIA+/Queer community. Bi people who are Panphobic using similar arguments against each other or against the other lesser known mspec identities such as Omni or Poly. Or more recently the arguments against mspec lesbians or more specifically bi/pan-lesbians and usually the arguments I find being used against these labels make LESS sense then pro-labels people who go "labels are valid."

Anyway I bring this up because when it comes to people against labels, discussing the importance of legitimacy of labels, and similar arguments tends to sound exactly like the arguments people who do police identities and such like transmeds, terfs, homophobes, biphobes etc. Why do our labels NEED to be useful, need to be understood? We don't seem to care about straight, cis, allo people understanding so why should we care when it comes to people within as well? Being "understood" also seems kind of... what's the word... "Pointless?" No, not exactly what I was going for but... it's close enough. Even when non-queer people DO understand us and our labels it doesn't somehow automatically make them allies to us, even the self-proclaimed allies who understand can still work against our best interests so why are we putting importance in ANYONE understanding our labels?

For example purposes I will breakdown the arguments against the label.

Okay so, people who are doing what op said they wanted to see more of in the post I'm referencing here were basically saying (that's isn't just x is bad) "Bi lesbians are harmful to the Lesbian community because men will use it as an excuse bother us/it shows men were available to them. Bi lesbians are also bad because they are tearing down something Bi people worked hard for, to have their own separate community. Bi-lesbians also are bad because terfs created the term."

Alright, so for the first point this one isn't obvious to some but is for many other how messed up the argument is because it basically amounts to nothing more then victim blaming, basically "your asking to be harassed by men if you can possibly be attracted to them" which is a huge slap in the face to straight, but ESPECIALLY bi women who ARE statistically more often victims of abuse. Not to mention this argument makes less sense you you recall that lesbians often DO voice how men will continue to hit on them REGARDLESS of what they say their sexuality is so if straight men decided to use "bi-lesbians" as an excuse one day it only really proves how insidious they are and not the labels legitimacy.

For the second point this is normally made by Lesbians and... look im not saying you can't speak up for us but what made this even WORSE specifically was that Lesbians at the same time were saying that ONLY Lesbians can speak on this "bi-lesbian" discourse which just... voids any good will they may have had initially. You don't GET to speak about others identities & their histories while ALSO telling them to shut the fuck up because thats NOT how this shit works especially when you're spouting ahistorical nonsense. Which yeah, they were/are. The argument was not only bad because of the speaking over Bi people but it was also just legitimately WRONg... well, maybe at the least just glosses over some BIG details. Like, for example that, yes, Bi people DID work hard to make their own space BUT were you also aware that Bi people WERE apart of the Lesbian community with open arms for a time before political lesbianism became a thing & took power in the Lesbian community which resulted in kicking out anyone they didn't like because I feel leaving that out is kind of wrong but I guess it does make their argument look bad. Also not to mention that as a Bi person bi-lesbians don't bother me, they don't negativity effect Bi people just by existing so I have no qualms with them & a decent amount of other Bi people feel the same so... like I said before don't speak for a community you're not apart of, especially when you're also telling us to shut up at the same time!

The last point is also wrong, I'm not bringing up sources but basically the idea that terfs started is actually, you guessed it, due to terfs! Sorry.. that's probably confusing but actually terfs don't like the label so they started the misinformation that terfs(& similar) started it to get people against it which makes sense if you understand who terfs hate. Terfs, specifically the ones within the lesbian community are not much different from political lesbians & I wouldn't be all that surprised if thats what a lot them were or would have been if that was still a thing. I would say a closer equivalent would be "gold star Lesbians" or anyone who thinks it's a good term but ANYWAY the point was that a lot the Lesbians who hold one of these beliefs/identities TENDS to hold the other because they aren't all that much different so it's easy to see why they would want to destroy the term vs actually want it around.

I almost forgot one part of the argument though, and that was that the misinformation was that "terfs created it too separate trans lesbians from the lesbian label" which... Look I'm sorry but if you know terfs this honestly doesn't make all that much sense, yes terfs ARE mainly against trans people it's in the name but don't lie and tell me that plenty of terfs also haven't been found to be against queer, bi, & asexual people as well so I don't see them wanting to ever create the term "bi-lesbian" even if it is to be transphobic. But if we disregard that line of thinking the argument also falls flat when you immediately just... TALK to any Bi-lesbian and ask them why they use label because most who use it tend to be non-binary people who have fluid genders and thus have complicated relationships with their sexuality. Even then some just use it too mean they have strong connections to the Lesbian community for whatever reason! There are probably other reasons but my brains fried so that's all I'm listing but I feel like my point should have sank in by now anyway.

So, after having bare through my long example I hope my point has gotten through but if it hasn't I will summarize: not all labels in the end are going to be "helpful, useful, or needed" BUT that's doesn't make them bad just because of that fact and policing labels & identities in the end is more harmful to the community then not. Instead of caring whether a label is useful or not let's instead focus on making sure we don't allow harmful, bigoted rhetoric and thinking to continue to thrive and permeate our communities, whether online or not so we can keep them from overtaking our spaces... again. And if there really are ACTUALLY harmful labels popping up let's MAKE SURE they are actually harmful and then deal with them accordingly!

Note: if your curious as to why I wrote "LGBTIA+/Queer" I'm going to explain below:

Basically I do it because I feel its weird to put Queer in the middle of acronyms that fall under the queer umbrella. Not to mention that I think it makes more sense to have it be a separate thing considering plenty of queer people don't care for the term being used for them or with them/etc. I like to use Queer for all people who can fall under the term & are accepting/ok with it being used for them more then I like to use the acronym but the acronym is good for anyone who doesn't like to use Queer or for allies to use. I'm not saying it's perfect thinking or other people should change how they use the labels/acronym but that's just my reasoning and I don't see any actual negatives too it so I used it here but as always I'm open to being wrong!

[wandaluvstacos]

THE DISCOURSE

The following is only an opinion, meant only to describe my experiences and my identity. I make no attempt to categorize the experiences, identities, and beliefs of others, so please don’t think that this little essay applies to all aromantic asexual people. Everyone is allowed to label and categorize themselves in the way that best fits them.

I’ve mentioned a few times that I don’t consider myself part of the LGBTQ community, despite Tumblr’s insistence that aromantic asexual people be included. I exclude romantic asexuals in this analysis because I feel like romantic inclinations inherently put you into a club of people who want romantic relationships, which includes allosexual folk. Being aromantic asexual places you outside of the entire system of “pairing” off that is so ingrained in our culture that I think there’s a much wider gap between aro ace people and romantic ace people than some may think. This is why I find it so difficult to relate to romantic asexual people, and while I appreciate all voices that differ from the heteronormative discourse, I don’t have many of the issues that romantic asexual people do. Many of their issues stem from wanting romantic companionship without sexual aspects, which I imagine is a difficult and complicated thing to find. Being aro ace makes romantic and sexual relationships easy— you just don’t have any. Friendship falls within our cultural understanding, and so that part of being aro ace is simple. Even the most strictly heteronormative people think friends are normal. For women, close friends are pretty easy to have, and emotional support is readily available and shared between other women without anyone thinking “maybe they want to bone because they talk about their feelings on occasion”.

I’m not even going into “queer platonic” stuff. If that sorta thing makes sense to you, more power to you. I will stick to having “best friends” because that makes sense to me.

Anyway, much of the LGBTQ identity is mainly driven by a: sexual and/or romantic identity and b: gender identity. Gender identity  is not an issue for me; I’m cis. However, being aro/ace to me isn’t so much an identity as it is a lack of identity. I don’t want to fuck people. I don’t want to date them. I’d rather just have a close roommate I could rely upon for emergencies. I’m uninterested in questioning why I feel this way, or how other people should see me. I’m mostly interested in promoting a societal and government system that takes care of everyone regardless of your romantic status— i.e., aro ace activism. The things I want society to address benefit all people who for whatever reason do not have romantic and/or sexual partners, whether they be straight, gay, bi, pan, or ace.

These issues are not ones the LGBTQ community is inherently made to address. Of course there are LGBTQ people who want less reliance on marriage as a safety net; there was reluctance with some to even promote gay marriage, as they saw it as a way of forcing heteronormative roles onto the gay community. But the main focus is to support those who want to fuck and love the people they want to fuck and love— a focus that I wholeheartedly support! The LGBTQ community needs to focus on love and sex, because that’s the very thing they’re hated for. The last thing I feel comfortable doing is striding into a community that has faced so much hatred and oppression for who they love and fuck and then ask that they focus on my problems, which, to be honest, has only burdened me with an uncertain financial future and an occasional nosy question about my love life. That isn’t to say no aro ace person has faced oppression— again, this is me talking about my experiences. I personally have not been oppressed. Being a woman, I know what oppression feels like, and being invisible to the world feels more annoying than it does oppressive. Oppression is active. Invisibility is passive.

When discussing issues within the LGB (minus T & maybe Q) community, their focus is always going to be on who you love and who you have sex with. That’s the whole reason the community exists— because heteros hate them for who they love and fuck. Again, not going into gender identity, because of course that’s a huge element of the LGBTQ community as well. It’s just not one that affects me in any way because I’m cis and gender conforming. So the issues of aro ace people are going to be the last on the list, every time. Aro ace people are a minority of a minority— our voices get lost when others are given a priority. And that’s fine to me. I don’t think I should ask the LGBTQ community to address issues it was never designed to address. The community was not designed for me. The “A” in LGBTQ was originally meant to stand for Allies, because they wanted a way for questioning people to be involved in the community without outing themselves. Only now does the A stand for something else because our understanding of sexuality has broadened.

I don’t want to be represented by a community that was never created or designed to talk about my issues. That’s a burden on them, and it’s disheartening for me. I want them to be able to have parades and celebrate sex and love in the way hetero people hate. I know that they will never be the force required to change how society sees “pairing up”, because it’s not within the realm of their experience. The only people who understand aro ace issues are aro ace people, and I’d rather be part of a community that focuses on those issues.

How does this look in practice? Well, I see a lot of stories about old timey “secret lesbians” shacking up with each other, and the whole joke around “gals being pals” that proliferates Tumblr. The joke’s funny! And you’re right, many of those women living together in the 19th century were probably gay. But my dream “relationship” would be to live with a female friend in a house with a garden and a few pets until we get old. To outsiders, it’d look like a gay relationship, and maybe we’d get the sarcastic “oh they’re just gals being pals” when clueless straight people assumed (correctly) that we were just friends. Gay people want to see themselves in what could possibly be totally platonic relationships. I want to see platonic relationships in what could possibly be sexual/romantic relationships. At the same time, I want gay people to see themselves in history; I want straight people to know that gay people have lived forever and that lesbians existed before the 1960s. But I also want to see myself.

This is why it’s hard to have these two groups pushed together— we want to see two opposite things. I want to believe that powerful long-term and platonic relationships can exist between women, strong enough that they can live together and support one another. Gay and bisexual women want to see two women love each other romantically. We’re both yearning for representation, and one’s representation negates the other’s.

Obviously we can support both types of representation. This isn’t winner-takes-all game, and the LGBTQ community is diverse. There’s no limited membership cards. I just don’t feel represented in it, and I don’t think I should have to be. I would like my own group, that’s focused on issues that affect me. Because the aro ace community is so tiny (we are a small percentage of asexual people, who are already only 1% of people), our need will always come last compared to the needs of others. And honestly, I don’t want romantic or allosexual people talking about our issues. Our world is so utterly saturated with relationships and sex that I just want a community that doesn’t focus on that at all.

So anyway, this is my long essay on why I’m not part of the LGBTQ community, even though I support it and wish them the best. Thanks for reading this long ass essay. Don’t send me hate mail. *side eyes*

*FYI: This is not a remark on trans aro ace people. This only relates to my experience as a cis aro ace person.