#whether it was the fact that he was gonna sacrifice himself just like the doctor would or whether it was the fact that they fooled her and | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gayregis · 4 years ago

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Question. Part 1. Hi. I like your blog and your analytical analysis of books, which is always very accurate and insightful, so I couldn't find anyone better to ask a question to. I am haunted by the scene where Regis announced to the male part of Hansa that Milva is pregnant. Then there is a dialogue, at the end of which Regis asks Geralt to do something... I felt connected to Jaskier as a character for the first time because I also don't understand what it is about. ->

P2. I asked my friends who had read the books, and their opinions were divided. Some believe that Regis asks Geralt to dissuade Milva from having an abortion, while others, on the contrary, believe that Geralt should persuade her to do it. Or maybe that's not the point at all? Further, my reflections, which may not be relevant to the question... Maybe I'm the only one who noticed a lot of "c*nservative" ideas in books.

P3. We cannot ignore the fact that they were written quite a long time ago and many ideological and cultural aspects of Poland (see the law banning abortion in 2020) that could influence them. It was the 'poll' at the beginning of this scene that made me think of this. Why do men decide whether to give Milva medicament or not? Secondly, Geralt insistently refuses to call it "medicament" but prefers the word "agent."

P4. Secondly, Geralt insistently refuses to call it "medicament" but prefers the word "agent." He also demands that Jaskier shut up when he supports Cahir that "only a woman decides." Pro-life vibes, or is it just me? We also can't ignore the fact that Geralt is very concerned about his infertility.

P5. In general, continuing the theme: very many sorceresses also lament the lack of ability to have children, and all of them, even if they had relationships with women, were always looking for the ONE AND ONLY man. Moreover, the same-sex relationships in the book are only female/female shown, but never male/male (a quick and disdainful mention in "Season of Storms"). But even f / f relationships are presented as some not-serious-play; remember how Ciri called it all "fun," talking with Mistle.

P6. Here again, I see a toxic-masculine culture that sexualizes lesbians and completely denies gays. (This also reminds me of Poland's situation, where the majority of the population is very religious and homophobic.) I was too disappointed by the stereotypical representation of women: hatred because of the same outfits/jewelry, thin waists and small portions (remember how Yen and Fringilla eat), eternal gossip, and so on. I mean, women aren't like that, man.

P7. The toxicity of the presented heterosexual relationships has been said a thousand times before me. In general, I am always a little upset when I see that someone calls Sapkowski such a tolerant writer. According to my observations, toxic masculinity, "conservative" ideas, and strengthening stereotypes about LGBT people, women, etc., often slip into his books. I may be wrong, so I apologize in advance. I would like to hear your opinion. Thanks.

Finally. The scene I was talking about, maybe you need it. ‘What’s this all about then? Unanimity? Total agreement? Is that what you’re expecting?’‘You know very well what it’s about. But since you ask, I shall tell you. Yes, Geralt, that’s precisely what it’s about. And no, it’s no me that's expecting it.’ ‘Could you be clearer?’ ‘No, Dandelion,’ the vampire snapped. ‘I can’t be any clearer. Particularly since there is no need. Right, Geralt?’ ‘Right,’ the Witcher said...

p. s. From the same Anon with a 7-part question. English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes. I tried to ask questions as respectfully as possible, but I often confuse English pronouns/times/etc. Please note that it was completely unintentional if I made an offensive mistake, and I deeply apologize. I will correct myself if you point this out to me in your answer. Thanks again.

omg i love this and i’m gonna divide it into different segments to be easier to read. also don’t worry your english is great thank you!!

1) “I asked my friends who had read the books, and their opinions were divided. Some believe that Regis asks Geralt to dissuade Milva from having an abortion, while others, on the contrary, believe that Geralt should persuade her to do it.”

yes, this is a confusing scene. when i first read it i was TOTALLY relating to dandelion, completely confused on what the message was and what the in-universe conversation was about. i had just felt proud of myself for understanding everything regis said in the previous scenes, and now here he was saying something and i didn’t know how the fuck to decipher it.

but after re-reading and also reading others’ analysis on r/wiedzmin, i found what i think to be the answer. in my opinion, the scene is not about actually either dissuading or persuading milva to have an abortion. rather, it’s about supporting her emotionally so that she can make the right choice for herself.

regis, as a doctor, wants his patient to make choices with a level head and for her own self, not under pressure to make the strategic choice that would benefit the company the most. this is my interpretation but since regis mentions milva has been a little feisty in consultation (she wouldn’t give him the date of her last period... lol), i feel like he could sense that she was really stressed out about this and although she initially made the choice to have an abortion, she may not have been thinking for her own self, rather letting the priorities of the company come first before her own wants.

in this moment, geralt realizes exactly why she has come on the journey, he mentions how she was willing to sacrifice her own child for his, etc. so, geralt needs to talk to her in that moment to tell her that he doesn’t expect her to do anything just so she can be more of an “asset” to the company, to tell her that she is his friend first and comrade-in-arms second, because milva is very loyal and also headstrong and would have done anything for geralt and the company. milva in general also wants to be “useful” because she has internalized misogyny from how she was raised, she doesn’t want to be “useless” like she was taught women are ‘supposed’ to be, as is shown in their conversation.

so geralt talks to her and she makes the choice not to have an abortion after all, because after talking to geralt, she doesn’t feel like she has to prioritize geralt’s needs and the company’s needs over what she wants.

2) “Maybe I'm the only one who noticed a lot of "c*nservative" ideas in books. We cannot ignore the fact that they were written quite a long time ago and many ideological and cultural aspects of Poland (see the law banning abortion in 2020) that could influence them.

It was the 'poll' at the beginning of this scene that made me think of this. Why do men decide whether to give Milva medicament or not?

Secondly, Geralt insistently refuses to call it "medicament" but prefers the word "agent."”

He also demands that Jaskier shut up when he supports Cahir that "only a woman decides." Pro-life vibes, or is it just me?

We also can't ignore the fact that Geralt is very concerned about his infertility.

in my opinion i think the author-intention was to set up a conversation in which a rhetorical question is asked, which will 100% be answered with a resounding positive, a “yes” all around. regis asks the company, because he’s a character so he can be poised as the author wants to propose a question like, “what are your thoughts on abortion,” which allows the rest of the characters to respond “it’s a woman’s right to choose for herself!” in this way, i think that it is very pro-choice... i will agree later on about what you say in other parts of your message, about the conservatism and also centrism in the books, but when it comes to abortion sapkowski imo in the witcher series espoused some pretty pro-choice views. this scene, compounded with the fact that yennefer, the leading female character, performs abortions as part of her job, and also the scene in season of storms with coral and the king of kerack in which he makes a fool of himself in front of her because she assists women with abortions... it’s a topic that’s come up a few times, and all of the times it has been a pro-choice perspective. (again, this is not to say everything in the witcher series is progressive, haha)

in-universe, i suppose you could think of it as that regis was just being coy and asking a rhetorical question also in-universe... such that he was going to give milva the decoction no matter what the men of the company chose, but he just wanted to “ask their opinions” (i.e., tell them what is happening with milva, because it’s a serious subject that needs to be addressed by the company) before, so he could introduce the subject to them (sparing milva of the difficulty of telling them all) and gain their assistance in supporting milva during this time. (random sidenote, but i like how regis acts as a middleground between milva and the rest of the company in this. there are three genders: woman, man, and medical professional. lol).

so yes, i don’t think that the men of the company actually “get to decide” if milva would have an abortion or not - their opinion’s don’t matter. out-of-universem sapkowski probably just wanted to set up a conversation between his characters where they could espouse explicitly pro-choice opinions (dandelion and cahir practically start arguing over if the northern kingdoms or nilfgaardian empire are more pro-choice). in-universe, this was probably more of a way to bring the subject up rather than actually asking for opinions.

i think it may look like there are some pro-life opinions shown by geralt in this conversation at first glance, but there might be something deeper. when he tells dandelion to be quiet when he begins to hound him that “only a woman decides,” i think it’s not because he disagrees with that - rather, that he agrees, but that that isn’t the issue here that he needs to deal with. it IS milva’s decision, everyone is in agreement about that - and that’s precisely the problem, because milva is in a vulnerable emotional state and also a precarious physical environment, and these factors could influence her to go through with the abortion, while in “regular circumstance,” if everything were fine and everyone was safe and they weren’t on a quest to save ciri, she might go through with the pregnancy. so, geralt gets annoyed that dandelion tells him this, because he agrees, he already knows! it’s useless to tell him that, because he already agrees with him, what he really needs to do now is move forward with having an emotional talk with milva, which is difficult for him.

i think the “medicament” / “agent” thing is still a little confusing to me, because i don’t know which one has a negative connotation. to me, it’s a medicament, or a medicine, whic is something that cures an ailment, that has a negative connotation, because it kind of refers to the state of being pregnant as a sickness or illness that needs to be cured? an agent is more like a substance that causes a reaction, i think of that of enzymes that speed up chemical reactions in cells, it causes a certain result to happen - which seems more appropriate in my opinion. but yeah i’m not sure which is the “worse word” to use, or if either are “bad words” to use when it comes to this

3) In general, continuing the theme:

Very many sorceresses also lament the lack of ability to have children, and all of them, even if they had relationships with women, were always looking for the ONE AND ONLY man.

I was too disappointed by the stereotypical representation of women: hatred because of the same outfits/jewelry, thin waists and small portions (remember how Yen and Fringilla eat), eternal gossip, and so on. I mean, women aren't like that, man.

The toxicity of the presented heterosexual relationships has been said a thousand times before me.

Moreover, the same-sex relationships in the book are only female/female shown, but never male/male (a quick and disdainful mention in "Season of Storms"). But even f / f relationships are presented as some not-serious-play; remember how Ciri called it all "fun," talking with Mistle. I see a toxic-masculine culture that sexualizes lesbians and completely denies gays. (This also reminds me of Poland's situation, where the majority of the population is very religious and homophobic.)

In general, I am always a little upset when I see that someone calls Sapkowski such a tolerant writer. According to my observations, toxic masculinity, "conservative" ideas, and strengthening stereotypes about LGBT people, women, etc., often slip into his books. I may be wrong, so I apologize in advance. I would like to hear your opinion. Thanks.

very much agree with all of this. in some circumstances, i think the author-intention was to break stereotypes and tropes - such as fringilla and yennefer speaking about oysters in relation to their ‘diets’ ... but then, they are actually talking about oysters in the context of having to teleport from the castle, they are actually speaking about high-intrigue political alliances, not something as silly as diets... but the effect, to me, is lost, because they led into it acting vapid and speaking about diets anyways, and if they used sarcasm in their voices, it wasn’t strong enough coming through the text in my opinion.

similarly, i think he tried to do some of this trope-breaking with the sorceresses overall, how they are all vapid and obsessed with appearance, but actually are the political masterminds behind everything. although he achieved the latter, he did not manage to have the latter negate the former... the intelligent political talks did nothing to “cancel out” the previously-demonstrated vapidness and obsession with femininity, and the way he describes women overall is something to roll the eyes (and the stomach) at. (“triss’ waist measured ‘22′,” oh give me a break lmfao...)

i also agree that although there are technically gay and lesbian characters in the books, none of them are “good representation” - the only ones i can think of are philippa, mistle, and degerlund (season of storms, which you are right in describing as “disdainful”) - all of these characters are violent, none of them ever are shown having a healthy relationship, and their “love” either ‘corrupts others’ (i use that term semi-lightly) or is part of some political manuever. ciri’s time with mistle is that of a ‘youthful violence,’ it is part of her time with the rats, her time reaching into her worst most hateful depths as a person, and it’s presented as something to “heal from.” and we haven’t even mentioned how mistle assaults her in the beginning of it all. this is largely a post for another time, but it’s not a good situation by any means.

i also get super annoyed for this reason when i see people applauding sapkowski for being a “progressive writer.” in my mind, he is not progressive at all, although he has his character espouse some pro-choice views here and there, that is not nearly enough to make up for the fantasy racism/antisemitism, use of antisemitic caricatures to do trope-reversal on, misogyny to do trope-reversal on, and blatantly just Not Good gay and lesbian characters.

in my mind, it’s inappropriate to label him as “progressive,” because he was not writing with diversity and representation in mind. i think a lot of people get confused, because they assume, “oh he included women, so he must have been wanting more representation for women!” ... when he was pretty much just writing for writing’s sake... of his own worldview and biases, nothing special when it comes to representation. and i agree that a lot of conservative ideas slip their way into the books, from my perspective he tries to make some centrist milquetoast statements at times (”don’t be neutral in the face of evil” for example) but wraps it up in literally a fantasy pogrom - which is not something imo for a goyische author to put into their stories. his inspirations at times are clear, and he uses them in manners which can come off as blunt and disrespectful.

#anon #ask #long post /#also apologies its 6:30 am and i didnt sleep so if theres any spelling errors or weird syntax or trains of thought...

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reidsexualwriting · 5 years ago

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Beard Kink (Hotch/Reader)

I've been binge-watching Criminal Minds for the past three weeks and all I can do is think about the fact that Hotch is no longer on the show. And I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. So here's some Hotch smut because I need it (and because Hotch with a beard has me feeling all kinds of ways). This has a lot of build-up, so I hope y'all don't mind a little bit of plot.

Title: Beard Kink Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Reader Rating: M/Explicit Words: 2538 Warnings: Smut. Language. The "sharing a bed" trope (I think it qualifies as a warning) for convenience sake. No Derek Morgan--possibly the saddest part of this fic. Unprotected sex--please be safe in real situations. Sir kink (can you even write a Hotch smut fic without it?). Aaron Hotchner with a beard.

When you walked into the bullpen, JJ greeted you with a bagel in her outstretched hand and a smile on her face. "Hey! We missed you so much!" You had been hit in your side by a stray bullet a few cases back and had to take some time off while it healed. Of course, the team had seen you since then. JJ and Prentiss brought meals by your house almost every week, Garcia brought all the candy she could fit in her purse on a given day, and Reid would bring you books to read. It was just good to be back on the job where you belonged.

You were the second person in the briefing room; Hotch was waiting at the table with a case file open. When you stepped in, he glanced up from the file and smiled fondly. "Y/N," he sighed, standing up and outstretching his hand. "It's so good to have you back." You took his hand in yours and shook firmly, finally getting a good look at him.

He had a beard. Not a Duck Dynasty beard or anything, but definitely not stubble. It was the perfect length for his features.

Immediately, for a nanosecond, all acceptable responses to the interaction left your brain only to be replaced by thoughts of what he would look like between your legs. You could practically feel his beard scraping your thighs.

You quickly regained your composure, and grinned. "It's great to be back! I'm so ready to get back to work." Your hands fell to your sides as the rest of the team walked in from the bullpen. While you waited for Garcia for the briefing, the team began to update you on all the cases they had worked in the time you had been gone.

Garcia walked into the room and stood in front of the screen. "Before I get into the absolutely horrible, disgusting, awful details of this case, I would like to extend a warm and fuzzy welcome to our wonderful Y/N," she quipped, tilting her head and smiling at you. "We missed you so much, sweetie." Her posture changed as she pulled up the case details. "Alright, now onto the nitty gritty of it all."

Garcia finished her briefing on the case, and you gathered your go-bag and headed to the plane. It was a serial killer in some small Minnesota town. In the air, the team was working on a preliminary profile when Hotch interrupted. "We're going to be sharing rooms for this case. JJ and Prentiss, you're together." He looked down at the notepad in his lap. "Reid and Rossi, you're in a room. And Y/N, you and I will be together."

When he said the two of you would be in the same room, you had mixed feelings. There was the sense of 'oh-shit-that's-my-boss', but the 'I've-definitely-imgained-this-since-I-started-working-with-him' feeling most definitely persisted, almost moreso than the former. You snuck a glance at him from your seat across the aisle and you could've sworn he was smirking. You looked away as he resumed the profile-building session.

When you landed in Minnesota, it was almost 6PM. The team checked in at the sheriff's office, the crime scene, and the coroner's office before heading back to the hotel on the outskirts of town. You received your room key first, so while Hotch remained in the lobby checking the rest of the team in you made your way to the room.

You noticed the single queen sized bed in the center of the room, but quickly dismissed any thoughts and fell backwards onto the bed. Even the short day you had was already exhausting, and you were ready to go to bed. When Hotch walked into the room, you were still lying on your back on the center of the bed, eyes closed.

"Is the bed that comfortable?" he asked. You shot up, your shoulders tensing up at his voice. "I was just messing with you," he explained, letting a small laugh escape.

You relaxed, letting your shoulders slump once again. "I'm just really tired. Turns out, getting shot takes a lot out of you."

He raised an eyebrow at the comment and sighed. "Would you like to shower? If you're that tired, you can have first go."

"Uh, no, I'm more of a morning shower gal," you explained. "I'm just gonna lie down. You can do whatever though. It won't keep me from sleeping."

He hesitated. "Alright. I'm going to take a shower tonight." He started making his way towards the bathroom door, but as he reached for the knob he turned once again to face you. "You haven't said anything about the one bed--are you sure you're okay with sharing? I can sleep on the couch."

"Oh, no," you responded. "It doesn't bother me at all. We're both adults. I'll probably be asleep before you even get out of the shower anyways." You chuckled.

"Alright," he affirmed. "I will talk to you in the morning." He stepped into the bathroom. When you heard the water running, you shucked off your blouse and pants in favor of a pair of shorts and a tank top. You debated on whether to wear a bra or not, but decided against it. After all, Hotch was your coworker and a close friend. You were not going to sacrifice comfort for fear that he would maybe see the outline of your nipple.

Surprisingly, you didn't fall asleep by the time he finished showering. When the water cut off, you were almost creeped out by the overwhelming silence in the room. Even more surprisingly, he had not brought a change of clothes into the bathroom with him; when he opened the door, your eyes were met with a shirtless Aaron Hotchner with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked at himself in the mirror with his brows furrowed and a hand on his jawline, seemingly inspecting his face. You silently thanked whoever was listening that he had decided not to shave.

He made his way out into the main room, which was dark save the light from the half-open bathroom door. He ruffled through his go-bag on the couch at the base of the bed before seemingly settling on something to sleep in. He didn't say anything to you, so he must have assumed you were asleep already. You weren't staring at him or anything; you were still facing the bathroom door. In your peripheral vision, however, you saw him shuck the towel off and swiftly pull a pair of boxer-briefs on.

Of course, in that light and from that angle, you couldn't truly see his form, but regardless, your breath caught in your throat. He pulled on a t-shirt and made his way to the opposite side of the bed where he slid under the covers.

You were sure you weren't getting to sleep soon, but you were just glad he was out of your vision. At least your thoughts weren't accompanied by the image anymore.

You closed your eyes and tried to focus on sleep. Hotch stirred in the bed. You held your breath when you felt him lean over your body. "The silence in this room is deafening. Don't you think, Y/N? I can hear your heart pounding." He put a hand on your upper arm, where goosebumps immediately formed. "I'm assuming you enjoyed the show I put on for you." You choked on a gasp. "Do you want to keep going?" he asked, the concern in his voice evident. You managed a nod. "I want you to say it. I want to make sure."

"Yes," you stated with surprising confidence. He gently tugged your arm to turn you to face him then placed his hand on your back. He had left the bathroom light on, so when you looked up into his eyes you could see his dilated pupils clearly. His hand travelled up your back and into your hair. He gently pulled your face to his in a heated kiss.

When he finally pulled back, he chuckled softly. "I have wanted to do that forever." Your hands moved to his waist where your fingers played at the hem of his shirt. "Take it off," he ordered.

"Yes sir," you replied obediently, pulling the shirt over his head. He groaned at your response and yanked your shirt off in one pull. As he surveyed your torso, you could tell he was trying his best to commit everything to memory. Just as you were about to say something else his lips latched around one of your nipples, drawing a gasp from you. He brought a hand up to fidget with your other nipple.

Your breathing grew labored as he continued to tease you. You dragged a hand up to the back of his head; you ran your fingers through his hair to praise him for his actions.

He pulled off your nipple with a 'pop' but immediately replaced his mouth with his other hand. "Just a quick question," he spoke. "You're okay to have sex right? Medically, I mean."

"Yes sir." He pinched your nipple hard on the word, eliciting a squeak from you. "My doctor cleared me for strenuous physical activity."

He smirked. "Good." He planted a quick kiss on your lips and sat up to kneel at your feet. He pulled your shorts and panties down, and you instinctively closed your legs. He gripped your thighs and pulled your legs apart once again. You felt exposed but still immensely turned on while he looked at your most intimate parts. The circles he rubbed into your thighs soothed you.

When he was satisfied, he moved one of his hands to your clit--first just ghosting over it then gently rubbing circles with his thumb. You sunk into the sheets and felt him looking up at you."I've barely touched you and you're already soaked." You could feel his breath on your thigh. "You really must have enjoyed the show I put on." He increased the pressure of his thumb. "I knew you would like the beard," he uttered. "I figured you would imagine how it would feel on your pussy. Am I right?"

"Yes," you admitted.

He stopped the circles and you whined. "Yes what?"

"Yes sir."

"Good girl," he approved, resuming his ministrations. "What do you want?"

"I want your mouth on me, sir," you whimpered. "Please sir."

He didn't say anything, just lowered his mouth onto your sex. As his tongue danced around your clit you gripped onto the sheets, trying to suppress your moans. "I want to hear you," he said between licks. "I want the whole team to hear you."

You didn't hold back any longer, whimpering and moaning every time his tongue swiped your sensitive bud. He alternated between holding your clit between his lips and the small kitten licks from before. At this point you were bucking up against him. "Sir, I'm gonna cum," you warned him.

"Cum all over my tongue," he encouraged. In just a few seconds you did just that, letting out a load groan as you fell over the edge. He eagerly lapped up all that you gave him and worked you through the high. When you finally recovered he was once again rubbing small circles into your thigh and you were left panting on the bed.

"You aren't even naked yet," you observed. You raised your head up to look at him. "That was amazing. But I still want more."

After you uttered those words, his underwear was off in seconds. He moved up the bed so that his dick was level with your eyes and looked down at you. You wrapped a hand around him, dragging the precum from the tip down the shaft. You began stroking up and down, watching his expression with hooded eyes. You licked the tip and watched as his head fell back, eyes closed and mouth open.

You licked a stripe from the base to the tip before taking him into your mouth. He let out a low moan. You took him in further until you had reached the base where you lingered. "Fuck," he hissed. "Your mouth feels good." You smiled around him and he tangled his fingers in your hair. Using the leverage, he guided your mouth up and down his length.

He pulled you off him gently. "I want you to ride me," he commanded. He reclined on the bed, his back supported by the pillows. You swung a leg over his hips and took his face in your hands. While you kissed him, he grabbed his length and slid it against your pussy teasingly.

You pulled back and stared into his eyes as you sunk down onto him. You both moaned in sync as you started to ride him. "You have no clue how many times I've imagined this," he whispered. He gripped your ass. "Watching you ride me." He landed a smack on your left cheek. "I want you to cum again. Use me to cum."

You desperately grinded on him with your arms wrapped around his neck. He brought his hands from your ass to your nipples once again. When he pinched both your nipples you cried out. You leaned into the crook of his shoulder and bit down on his neck, sure to leave a mark. You moaned into his shoulder as you came a second time, feeling overwhelmed. When you came down from the high you kissed him once again.

"Where do you want me to cum?" he asked you, rubbing your back.

"I'm on birth control, sir," you responded. "Wherever you want."

He pushed you off of him and flipped you over so you were on your hands and knees. Once again, he pushed into you. "You take me so well," he praised. "So beautiful." He gripped onto your hips for better leverage.

His thrusts got faster and stronger as he went. He continued sputtering praises while you moaned into the pillows. Every few thrusts, he would land a light slap on your ass.

His thrusts grew sloppy and you could tell he was nearing his edge. "I want you to cum, sir," you encouraged. "I want you to cum inside me." Your comments pushed him over the edge and he spilled inside you. He collapsed on top of you.

When he rode out his orgasm, he pulled out of you and hurried to the bathroom to grab a towel and cloth to clean up with. He gently wiped the two of you clean before falling next to you on the bed. "That was perfect," he uttered. "At least for me. I hope you enjoyed it."

"Sir, I think that was the best sex I have ever had." You put a hand on his cheek. "How did you know I liked your beard?"

"Well, while you were gone the team went out after a case; Garcia may have had a little too much to drink and told me you had a 'beard kink'".

"Oh my God--of course she would tell you." Even though you cursed Garcia, you knew you would have to text her later and thank her for disclosing your little secret.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner/reader #hotch x reader #hotch/reader #aaron hotchner smut #criminal minds reader insert #rsw writes #smut #hotch smut #god DAMN i miss aaron hotchner

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alizardjae · 4 years ago

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Dexholders scored by their willingness to kill

0/5= Would rather die than kill someone * 1/5= Would kill to protect themselves or loved ones from death * 2/5= Would kill to protect themselves or loved ones from harm * 3/5= Would kill in the heat of the moment * 4/5= Would kill out of hatred towards the target * 5/5= Would kill if they could justify it to themselves

No dexholder scores above that, so I’m just gonna cap it there

Red: 2.5/5- He could get close to going over the edge, but would inevitably stop himself and feel horrified that he even thought of killing someone outside of an absolutely desperate situation. Even in one, he’d feel guilty, even if he knew he didn’t have another choice.

Green: 1/5- Had a higher killing intent as a kid, but has since calmed down and would now more likely sacrifice himself to save someone than kill to do so

Blue: 2/5- Even if she’s thought of killing, she couldn’t make herself actually do it, and she feels guilty for wishing for someone’s death once she’s calmer. While she could kill to protect someone, it would probably trigger another trauma response from her.

Yellow: 5/5- She’s already tried it. Twice. And threatened to kill another three guys. Sird is lucky she got distracted by Red’s battle before she could come for her. It’s not that she wants to kill, per se, or that it’s her first solution, but she certainly won’t hesitate if provoked and won’t feel bad after.

Gold: 2/5- I mean, he did drop Pryce in the time vortex for what, for all he knew, could be eternity. But in general, he’d rather knock some sense into an enemy and then forgive them.

Silver: 0.5/5- Acts tough, but he could hardly kill someone to save himself. He holds out hope for even the worst people. The worst he can get is angrily wishing someone would die in an accident, which he then feels bad about.

Crystal: 2.5/5- Only reason this isn’t a 2/5 is because she’d probably kill to protect a stranger from harm rather than just her loved ones, especially if the stranger was a child.

Ruby: 4.5/5- Full on 5/5 during RS but has since calmed down... slightly. He’d feel guilty after the fact, though.

Sapphire: 0.5/5- Way too empathetic to kill except accidentally, and even that would traumatize her for a good while.

Emerald: 1/5- In his first arc he pretends to be a 3/5, but he’s actually way too soft for that, plus his role model is Crys, who wouldn’t want him to kill.

Diamond: 0/5- He’d much rather sacrifice himself before ever trying to kill someone (nevermind that you probably can’t actually kill him,) no matter how vile they are.

Pearl: 3/5- Split chance on whether he’d sacrifice himself or attack under duress, but if he did attack, he’d probably go all out. Definitely feels guilty after.

Platinum: 1/5- It’d probably be an accident, but she could still do it. She’d rather injure than kill.

Black: 2/5- Generally believes in people too much, but could potentially be provoked. All of Unova gets bumped up because most sensible people would murder Ghestis given the chance.

White: 2/5- She knows what she stands for and who she’s loyal to.

Blake: 5/5- ...But with a big footnote that in his case it’s more a lack of being against killing than any desire to kill. He wouldn’t kill out of anger, but rather because he thought it was the expedient choice. Might find himself questioning his decision later and trying to convince himself that he was right, though.

Whitley: 2/5- I can see it. She thinks she’s a 0/5 but she’d probably kill if desperate and panic for a week after.

X: 5/5- Already threatened to kill Emma. He’s got a lot of hatred and anger pointed at himself that could easily be released onto someone else if provoked. Might calm down some in the near future, now that he’s not constantly dwelling on his negative emotions.

Y: 4/5- Has way too much built up anger that she’s used to venting and is easily provoked. This would start a cycle of self-hatred that she’d end up venting on others and then hate herself more. Might calm down some in the future now that some of her relationships with those around her are repairing themselves.

Sun: 0/5- Hasn’t even thought about it. He’s just too... mild to try it. He’d try to escape or stall an enemy rather than kill it, even in dire straits.

Moon: 0/5- She’s a doctor at heart. The closest she could do is euthanasia, and it’d still break her heart.

Sou: 5/5- No hesitation Kidding, we haven’t seen enough of him for me to score him.

Schilly: She wouldn’t necessarily try to kill someone, but she might not feel more than a sense of “oops” if something she did happened to lead to a death. Haven’t seen enough of her to judge any more than that.

#pokespe #long post #read more #death #ask to tag #not gonna tag all of the dexholders because I don't want to spam all of their tags #rambling

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officialthiamlibrary · 4 years ago

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Got any canon fics set post 6B?

Here you go! A mix of older fics and some within the last month, I hope you’ll enjoy them!

Ocean Front Property and Yoda Wisdom by Diary (Teen | Complete | 1.3K) Tags: Frenemies, angst and feels Summary: Post-canon. Theo has issues, Stiles cares about Liam, and these facts interconnect. Complete. A Peek Inside: “I still don’t like or trust you. Okay, I never will. But you’ve been good for him. And I gotta admit, seeing you in love is an interesting thing.”

Hold Me. I’ve Lost My Anchor. by SterekShipper (General | Complete | 5K) Tags: Hurt/comfort, angst, there is a second fic that follows this one Summary: Once again Liam and Theo had been in a fight. There was nothing unusual about that. It happened all the time. It was a natural part of their relationship. This fight however, had a different ending. A Peek Inside: It was just a fight. There was never a reason. Not really. Their relationship consisted of bickering and playful jibes. A bond had formed the night of the hospital. The night Theo had faced the Ghost Riders head on, fully intending to sacrifice himself. All to save him.

Stones by cherrysprite (General | Complete | 2.6K) Tags: First kiss, Theo introspection Summary: Theo begins to find his place as a normal nineteen year old with an accidental rock collection. A Peek Inside: One day, he sees a man sitting outside that said cafe, playing his guitar softly while people walk past without a second thought. It’s one of the more jarring parts of Theo’s detachment, he realizes. If he were normal, he would be able to grasp how people managed to pick up on hobbies and skills. It was like Mason and his love of reading, Corey and his talent with writing, and Liam spending his weekends playing lacrosse or working out. He just always finds himself perplexed at how they’d each figured out that what they were doing was good to them.

in the hospital after the war by snaeken (General | Complete | 1.5K) Tags: Summary: "I can wipe the blood off my own face, Liam," he snarks, mainly because he doesn't know what else to do; because it's comfortable, familiar, as far as the two of them are concerned. He doesn't pull away though. "I know. But I want to." Liam looks up at him, ocean blue eyes boring into his own. Theo's breath would probably catch, if he was breathing at all. "Let me." A Peek Inside: The hospital is, well. A bit like the aftermath of a warzone. Doctors and nurses and deputies everywhere, armed with handcuffs and body bags, making arrests and treating the wounded; Theo's own wolfsbane-laced bullet wound in his shoulder was treated by Deaton, while Liam regrouped with his pack and had his own wounds treated by Argent.

it’s you, sweet baby by axebastard (Teen | Complete | 1.9K) Tags: Pining, getting together Summary: In which Theo eats a s'more for the first time and Liam isn't quite as subtle as he'd like to be. A Peek Inside: Theo blinked, one corner of his mouth twitching. So Liam was inviting him somewhere. On purpose. He didn't know whether to feel honored or suspicious.

To Take One’s Pain by Endraking (Teen | Complete | 2.5K) Tags: Minor character death, angst, sick children Summary: Liam wanders the Hospital as he does a sweep. Memories come back to him about Theo since the chimera hadn't been seen since Gabe died and Monroe fled. While walking the halls, Liam learns something that will change his perspective about Theo. A Peek Inside: Liam walked the halls of Beacon Memorial Hospital. It wasn't that long ago that it was a battleground and not a place for the sick and injured to heal. Memories of those times, memories of hunters killing supernaturals, memories of the Riders, memories of the chimera and the Dread Doctors pull him to wander the halls. He's not a patient though he would garner a little less attention if he put on one of the hospital gowns. The lights were dimmed, something the hospital did either to save money or remind some of the more active patients that it was indeed nighttime. He moved down one hall to the next, walking up the stairs and repeating the process until he makes it to the roof. Then he hopped into the elevator and repeated. He was making sweeps of the hospital, but it wasn't from any present issue but his worry over his stepfather. Doing sweeps in the preserve was one thing but it was almost too easy for the pack to forget that things attack the hospital regularly and Melissa and Dr. Geyer were right in the line of fire. That brought him to the halls, but his mind was a million miles away as he wandered to the morgue

i know all sorts of things i don't believe by eneiryu (Explicit | Complete | 80K) Tags: Post finale, Theo Raeken centric, getting together, pack dynamics Summary: So, anyway. That’s how Theo becomes pack-mom to Scott’s merry band of supernatural misfits. A Peek Inside: Scott gets this narrow-eyed look like he knows what Theo’s thinking, but humors him regardless, “I was hoping you’d agree to stay here, help protect the town.” (...) “Okay,” Theo blurts out, cutting him off before he can speak, suddenly irrationally afraid that Scott‘s going to take it back, say nevermind, forget it, “Just until you find Monroe, right?” Scott nods, still looking perturbed but thankfully silent, “Okay. I’ll stay until then.”

you want me to hold your hand and kiss it better? by xxDreamFilledEyesxx (Mature | Complete | 3.9K) Tags: angst and feels Summary: Set after the Teen Wolf series finale: After taking Gabe's pain away, Theo thought Liam might be glad to see that he cares, so why has he been acting so strange? A Peek Inside: A few feet away stood Melissa, her face covered in pity for the life the boy on the floor had lost in a war that wasn’t his to fight. Theo's heart skipped a beat as his gaze turned to the person standing next to her. Liam.

Sun Is Up, I’m A Mess by IThinkWeHaveAnEmergency (General | Complete | 5.1K) Tags: College, mutual pining Summary: Liam transfers to San Francisco State and on his first day, runs into a face he hasn't seen in a long time. A Peek Inside: Liam steps closer to the man he hasn't seen in almost two years, his campus security guard uniform clear.

A Chimera’s First Heart by Auddieliz09 (Mature | Complete | 22K) Tags: Mild smut, first kiss Summary: Theo wouldn’t go so far as to say that everything is perfect in the months after the War, but, for him, it’s just about as perfect as his life can get. However, when someone from his past shows up on Scott's doorstep, Theo's life takes a new turn. But will it be for better or worse? A Peek Inside: When they left the hospital that night, Liam had looked at him in a way he never had before. Like he was seeing Theo for the first time without his past hanging over him. He was seeing Theo for the man he was trying to become. A man worthy of being his friend, maybe more. Theo became an official ally to the pack and began to hang out with Liam and his friends.

five punch knock out by I_write_fanfiction_sometimes (Teen | Complete | 2.4K) Tags: 5+1 Summary: Five times Liam asked what he was doing, and one time the answer was 'being happy' A Peek Inside: Theo squeezes his eyes shut and barely holds back a groan. Mint foam drips into the sink from the handle of his toothbrush and burns around the edge of his mouth. Of course it had to be Liam. Fucking Mason wouldn’t ask questions, he’d just walk right back out. Somehow though, Liam has decided he wasn’t scary.

Change of Plans by never_love_a_wild_thing (Teen | Complete | 69K) Tags: Fake relationship, light angst Summary: When Hayden breaks up with Liam minutes before his very public proposal was planned, Theo steps up to save him the embarrassment of being rejected in front of the pack. In order not to disappoint their Alpha, Theo and Liam decide to carry on faking their relationship until they can think of a good way to end it and keep everybody happy. In which Theo is crushing hard and neither of them plan things out well enough (or at all, really). A Peek Inside: Theo opened his mouth and then shut it quickly. He had argued with Liam over Hayden too many times to think that it was worth it anymore. “I just think that you should maybe figure out how she feels about it before you go and ask her to marry you in front of your entire pack,” he said.

Only you can look at me the way you do by merrythoughts, ReallyMissCoffee (Explicit | Complete | 57K) Tags: Smut Summary: But Liam knows that tonight's gonna be one of the nights where he caves in and he doesn't care. A Peek Inside: They hadn't turned up anything so why not blow off some steam and then check back later? Scott'll never know the difference.

The Truth Will Set You Free by tabbytabbytabby (Teen | Complete | 1.6K) Tags: Light angst, misunderstandings Summary: Theo realizes he has feelings for Liam, but before he can tell him he sees Liam with a girl from his class and assumes they're dating, and that Liam could never be interested in him. He makes a decision to help himself find some peace, but first, he needs to tell Liam how he feels. Liam's response surprises him. A Peek Inside: A normal morning in mid-March, standing in the Geyer’s kitchen, watching as Liam tried and mostly failed at making pancakes. He’d stood there with pancake batter all over himself, looking sleep-rumpled and adorable and the thought just struck Theo so suddenly.

The Curse of Batman and Robin by songbvrd (No Rating | Complete | 10K) Tags: Bodyswap Summary: Liam and Theo are friends. Sort of. They live together and spend a lot of time together, but they also fight. Constantly. When a body swapping curse leaves them having to pretend to be each other, shenanigans ensue. A Peek Inside: It never lasted, because as annoyed as he was by Theo, he did also like him. He would never tell him that, god forbid the already painfully egotistical chimera get another boost on his account.

The Big Bad Chimera by OTP_fandom_shipper (Teen | Complete | 643) Tags: Fluff Summary: Theo falls asleep on Liam's shoulder, so he takes a picture. Needless to say, Theo is not very happy and wants it deleted. Que the "wrestling" session in the living room. A Peek Inside: Theo arrived back at Liam’s around 5:00. The beta’s family had been gracious enough to let Theo stay with them after they found out that he had been living in his truck. He did get a job not too long ago since he had graduated high school and wanted to make his own money. He was saving to get a place of his own. Theo didn’t want to stay too long with the Geyers.

Touch my neck and I’ll touch yours by voices_in_my_head (Mature | Complete | 7.3K) Tags: Pornstar Theo Summary: ""And you, Theo, what did you do during the week?" Scott asks, clearly trying to bring him into the conversation, which no one has done aside from Liam (they talked about the new The Good Place episode, because surprise surprise, Theo got addicted to Netflix once he found out what it was) and Corey (who actually seems to enjoy Theo's presence and Liam knows they've hanged out just the two of them. Which he obviously is not jealous about, pff, why would he be? Corey has a boyfriend. ... And Liam isn't interested in Theo that way, obviously.) Theo smirks before answering, to which Liam's heart does a slight jump, hoping that no one noticed or, if they did, will be kind enough to pretend otherwise. "I did a porno."" A Peek Inside: Liam isn't entirely sure how he feels about it. Theo seems to really have turned a new leaf, and Liam is pretty sure he would have died in the hospital if he hadn't been there, but he also can't forget the way he played them all, the way Liam almost killed Scott because of him.

#fic recs #fanfiction #canon future #post season 6b #mod: mary #mod: tara #otlansweredask

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sineala · 4 years ago

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I was going through an 2009 era livejournal post where it was mentioned that most of Tony's relationship were 'sexual form of self-flagellation'. With that out I love Whitney/Tony in a relationship, is there any way you can see that working out?

Oh, man, anon. This makes me regret that I have not yet posted the story that was going to be my Cap-IM RBB last year, because I literally have a 150,000-word answer to this question in the form of fanfiction. The short answer to this question is: no.

(The longer answer: HELL NO.)

If you want me to get more complicated than that, I will say that, in all fairness, there is an era of canon in which I could have seen Whitney/Tony actually working out. But that eventually ended, and for me there's a point of no return after which any chance of this being a good, healthy, or lasting relationship becomes impossible. And since then, Whitney's grasp on reality has gradually declined to the point where I don't think that she's currently mentally capable of seeing Tony as anything other than someone who could be a personal possession of hers, a thing, an object, a prize, rather than as a living human being with his own agency. (Basically, Marvel seems to have taken a look at her and thought, "Wow, she's crazy," and it's... kept getting worse. And worse.)

Let me now provide a brief summary of the Whitney/Tony relationship, because I went and read at least fifty issues so I could write the story that none of you have read yet. Anyway. This got long enough that I think I will use a Read More.

So Whitney first appears in comics way way back in Tales of Suspense v1 #97, and continues appearing in early Iron Man v1, where she meets Tony for the first time, but also has a bunch of feelings for Jasper Sitwell. (Note to MCU fans: Sitwell is not secretly Hydra. He is a big nerd, though.)

The Whitney/Tony relationship really kicks off in Iron Man v1 #17-19, one of my personal favorite arcs, in which a LMD Tony builds attempts to become Iron Man (this is always a good plot) and Whitney kidnaps Tony because she initially thinks he's the LMD, and she's working with Midas, who wants to use the LMD to infiltrate SI. It's great.

By this point Whitney has incurred her Tragic Facial Scars and has her mask, but Tony doesn't care about the scars and, as we see in #19, is clearly interested in her anyway. He's very sweet.

She appears a few times after that, basically leaves him for Sitwell, and then comes back in a big way in Iron Man v1 #91, posing as Krissy Longfellow, his new secretary. Whom he asks out, yes. Eventually Tony finds out who she is, and by Iron Man v1 #104 or thereabouts, they are definitely in love, Tony takes her to a house he grew up in, and also Whitney reveals that she knows that Tony is Iron Man. Which she is fine with.

Then they kiss very dramatically, and it is the most unintentionally-hilarious kiss I have ever seen, because neither of them take off their masks:

I like to yell CLANK CLANK whenever I read this.

By the next issue, #105, they are very seriously together:

They are together for about ten more issues, and this is the era of canon where I think it honestly could have worked out for them. Sure, Tony is contemplating abandoning being Iron Man and an Avenger, so he'd have to come around on that, but this is when they were at their healthiest, generally speaking. They were in love. They were happy. They were happy right up until #116, when Count Nefaria (Whitney's father) died, and she blamed Tony for her father's death and left him:

So I think that was pretty much it for their shot at having a stable, healthy relationship. Because after that Whitney basically... is evil. And I think there could be, as you say, an element of "sexual self-flagellation" in there, because Tony does still care for her as a person, although I don't see that he's necessarily interested in a romantic relationship with her again. He just wants her to be good again. He wants to help her be the good person he thinks she can be, but after this point she pretty much starts to lose her grip on reality, and I don't think she's capable of being that person.

Every subsequent appearance of Whitney in volume 1 was later retconned as being a clone (because comics gonna comics), but every time she shows up in it it's basically to seek revenge for the death of her father (who of course comes back to life, but that's comics for you) and also to get Tony back, because no one else could possibly love him as much as she does. She tries to kidnap Bethany Cabe. She works with Obadiah Stane against Tony. She tries to bodyswap herself into Bethany to get close to Tony. You get the idea. These are not the actions of a particularly stable person.

But one of the more agonizing things about Whitney -- at least, one of the things that I assume is most agonizing to Tony -- is that she could have been good. Maybe she can't be now, but at one point the capacity existed in her, and we know that because one of her clones, Masque, is in fact a very good person. Toward the end of volume 1, Masque actually ends up joining the Avengers. And I would think it's very hard for Tony to know about Masque and not think that Whitney could have been her, that there's some way he could have helped Whitney become that person, if only he'd known how, whether or not that is actually possible for him to do. (Hint: it's not.) I think he blames himself for not being able to save her. Maybe that's more of the same self-flagellation.

Meanwhile, Whitney does things like lock herself in a bunker in Nevada with a bunch of her clones, which does not strike me as a great move, sanity-wise. In The Nefaria Protocols in v3 (Avengers v3 #32-34, Thunderbolts v1 #43-44), she teams up with the Avengers to fight her father, but she's not sure whether she can trust them at first.

Avengers v3 #33 is actually really sympathetic toward her; the whole thing is narrated from her POV:

Eventually she ends up attempting to betray the Avengers and get them all killed, and she is stopped only when Masque shows up and sacrifices herself to prevent her doing so, at which point Whitney decides maybe she should save the Avengers after all before leaving. I think this is probably the nicest that canon has been to her in years, and she still nearly murders all the Avengers in the process.

After that she has a few other appearances, the most salient of which is probably World's Most Wanted (Invincible Iron Man v1 #8-19), in which, as we all know, she kidnaps Tony and is generally obsessed with him. Here in Invincible Iron Man v1 #16, Tony is in the middle of having his brain deleted and yet he still remembers that Whitney is not the best person, and she would really like to run away together with him because she apparently thinks that's a thing that's going to happen:

She shows up again in Bendis' run and as far as I can remember she's portrayed pretty similarly there. She's trying to steal magical artifacts. She and Tony meet up. She tries to kill him. The usual. There's a nice splash page in Invincible Iron Man v2 #2:

Her most recent relevant appearance is actually, if you can believe it, a few months ago, in Doctor Strange: Surgeon Supreme #5 and #6. Someone has been stealing magical weapons from Strange and selling them on the black market and -- surprise surprise -- it's Whitney.

(I was actually very surprised, yes. She is, uh, not typically one of Strange's villains.)

Whitney, you see, wants to be loved:

So she's selling all these weapons because, yes, she wants to be loved. By Tony.

What the hell, Whitney? How exactly is that going to work?

Anyway, Strange needs to neutralize the magical weapons, and to do that he needs to enter Whitney's mind to find the code that will do that, and, well, this is what the inside of Whitney's mind is like:

Her mind is one hundred percent made up of her obsession with Tony. This is it. This is her brain. She is a mess. She is out of touch with reality.

And you'll never guess what the code is. Or maybe you will.

She thinks that she's in love with Tony. And she thinks that this is what love is. And she is very clearly not okay.

Because Strange is a doctor and is determined to try to help people, he offers her a new mask that will heal her:

Whitney declines:

She runs away. And that's the last we have seen of her.

So, yeah. Based on all of this, I am of the opinion that Whitney/Tony cannot possibly work out at this point in canon, because -- although she still believes she loves him -- she is very obviously no longer mentally capable of understanding what love actually is, and she's not looking to change that. We have literally seen inside her mind, so we can in fact know what she thinks. She just wants to possess Tony. And that's not going to be good for anyone.

Would she have been better than this if she'd stayed with Tony instead of leaving him when her father died? Maybe. We can't know. A lot of her instability seems to revolve around her inability to possess Tony, and, well... she would have had Tony, so maybe that wouldn't have happened. Or maybe she would have become consumed by possessing him even more. There's no way to know. And given that she's capable of this kind of break with reality, it's also possible that if it hadn't been Tony, it might have been something else entirely as a focus for her delusional thinking, and at any rate she's clearly not interested in receiving the psychological help that she definitely needs.

Man, do I love reading about her, though. And someday I swear I will post this 150,000-word fic about why they should never, ever, ever get back together.

#Anonymous #replies

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dangermousie · 3 years ago

Text

She is still young and can't tell the difference. When she really understands, she will definitely feel pain. He can't give her the warmth and companionship of a normal couple, or even go out with her, and she has to take care of him in turn, losing her whole life for a bottomless pit.

When she really meets someone she likes and has that unquenchable urge and yearning, he’s afraid she will understand his words today. The actual fact is he can't even imagine how she will look at him when she finds out that she was tricked.

A despicable marriage cheat, a despicable person who takes advantage of a woman's youthfulness and ignorance.

Oh my God, XXC’s worry (and not an unreasonable one) that MMT only feels gratitude for the fact that he saved her back then and it’s not love and she will realize it and it will be too late!!!! One of the things I love about this novel is that within a very unreal story, the emotions feel real - XXC has been dwelling so long in the “I am a monster” mind-space and so convinced he’s both dying and is deserving of it, that he just believes he has nothing to give her and instead of going “well, I will woo her and make sure she will fall for real,” he’s just appalled she will sacrifice her life for someone not worthy of it.

And then he has one of his fits and I wonder if it’s connected to his emotional state - this is the first time he’s been genuinely upset since the last fit. Hmmmm.

After driving the noisy maids away, Mu Mingtang dried her tears and walked to Xie Xuan Chen's side without even thinking, as if she hadn't heard the rumors of Xie Xuan Chen's madness when he killed without blinking: "Your Highness, how are you feeling? The doctor will be here soon, don't be afraid."

Xie Xuan Chen did not expect that one day he would be comforted by a soft little girl not to be afraid. Xie Xuan Chen was indeed afraid now, but he was not afraid of dying, but afraid that he could not control himself and hurt Mu Mingtang.

He used all his strength and said, "I can't bear it for long, you stay away from me."

If Xie Xuan Chen said he couldn't bear it for long, then it was really a situation that could not be helped. Mu Mingtang wanted to shed tears again, she blinked hard and said, "I'm not leaving. If I have left, what about you?"

The world in front of Xie Xuan Chen's eyes had twisted and spun, and there was a fury in his body that had no place to vent, and every inch of nerve in his head screamed for killing. Xie Xuan Chen first tried to suppress this madness, but he slowly became irritable, and his hands could barely control what he wanted to destroy.

Xie Xuan Chen suddenly reached out and knocked down the jade vase in the corner of the room, the jade fell to the ground in pieces, Mu Mingtang did not even have time to react, Xie Xuan Chen already held a piece of the fragment in his hand and stabbed himself directly in the arm.

Mu Mingtang shrieked and hurriedly went after him: "What are you doing!"

Xie Xuan Chen did not leave any room for maneuvering, he pierced deep, blood gurgled out and stained his clothes red in a moment. The blood flowed down the arm and snaked around Xie Xuan Chen's hand, dripping down to the ground.

The pain stimulated the mind, Xie Xuan Chen briefly regained his sanity, he immediately left far away from Mu Mingtang, not waiting for Mu Mingtang to move, he said, "It's not safe here, you go out, right now."

He is literally stabbing himself with shards over and over to clear his head so she won’t be hurt OMGGGGGG I caaaan’t! And he tries to take the pill that he knows has been created to poison him (it will suppress the madness but bring it back worse next time and also makes him dependent and he fought like hell against taking it before) because that means she will be safe and I caaaan’t! And he sends her out of the room to fetch it hoping she won’t come back and so be saved and !!!!

"I am calm right now." Mu Mingtang looked at Xie Xuanji coldly, "The person inside is my husband, whether he lives or dies, I have to be by his side. Get out of the way!"

I love her so fucking much!!!!!!

Today, he will most likely perish here. I didn't think he would die in the battlefield, but for this reason.

It was really a shame.

Xie Xuan Chen smiled mockingly, he was not afraid to die, but before he died, he had some regrets. It's still early in April, and he still doesn't know what the begonia flower looks like.

I am just gonna cry quietly.

The strength of Mu Mingtang is not as strong as Xie Xuan Chen's, Xie Xuan Chen's veins are bursting and he can hardly stand it: "Do you want to die? Let go!"

"I don't let go, it's always you who wants to die! If you die, I can't live either. Instead of dying in someone else's hands, it's better to die in your hands. If you are determined to die, then kill me along with you."

The blood in Xie Xuan Chen's hand flowed onto Mu Mingtang, and before long, Mu Mingtang also had a handful of blood, which was shocking to the eyes. Xie Xuan Chen almost used all his strength to restrain himself, he finally let Mu Mingtang snatched the murder weapon from his hand, Mu Mingtang used all his strength to throw the fragment far away, but in the end, it only landed three steps away.

This novel is a fucking feast!

#cnovel #i'll be male lead's sister in law

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truthoradair101 · 4 years ago

Text

Ok y’all I’m bout to probably disturb a lot of you, but I think this needs to be said about John Murphy

So...

TW: rape, sexual assault, death, trauma

In case all of y’all have forgotten Murphy is a victim of rape

And I’m pretty sure he never told anyone

(Imma direct you to season 3, towards the end I believe)

Anyways so basically Ontari raped him after chaining him by the throat which uh MAN THATS MESSED UP and I couldn’t stop thinking about it and how it was never really brought up and then I figured it out

It’s mostly because Murphy never told anyone, not even Emori if I remember correctly

Like he’s strong, and shouldn’t have had to gone through that yes, and at first glance you don’t see much in the aftermath of it

But.... the more I was thinking about it, YOU DO

When Clarke goes into the City of Light to shut it down... I’m pretty sure Ontari suffered extreme brain damage and they were like ok she’s not gonna recover so let’s just kill her to keep Clarke alive with the night blood and the flame

Which is messed up to start with but I’m not going to go into that

WHAT MESSED WITH MY HEAD THINKING IT OVER AGAIN IS ONCE SHE FLATLINES

Murphy, who is fairly uncomfortable and just being sort of held in the throne room anyways if I remember correctly.... is then asked to step in

By Abby

Ya know the qualified doctor who is way more comfortable with that

So I think she starts trying to restart her heart and it’s not working so she tells Murphy to step in and do THAT while she works with Clarke who ya know it’s more important to keep that blood going because otherwise no Clarke right

So Murphy is doing that reluctantly and then I think she even asks him to do CPR but I could be wrong

So imagine that

Here’s the person who raped him, dead, yeah, but he’s now being force to repeatedly TOUCH HER and even possibly do CPR which I don’t think he ends up doing but still

Oh but then it gets worse

From THERE Abby makes him CUT OPEN ONTARI AND SQUEEZE ALL THE BLOOD OUT OF HER HEART FOR A LONG TIME

Like Murphy clearly is NOT comfortable with that and you’re the doctor like I know she’s your daughter but yeah um you should be doing that ABBY

Like sure she didn’t know Ontari had raped Murphy pretty recently but STILL does that make it better? No....

So anyways that happens and it’s never really brought up again

But I think there’s subtle things here and there

The only person I can truly remember Murphy letting touch him is EMORI.... and I think whether it’s done on purpose or not there are STILL clear signs even up until season 7

I mean when everyone still thinks he’s Daniel, Daniel’s supposed lover comes up and kisses him with no warning

And obviously Murphy pulls away in supposed shock

But I think it might be a bit more than that

I think maybe he was scared

He pulled away so fast, the person willing to do anything to sell an act, anything to survive

And for a long time I’m pretty sure he just stares at him, partially in disbelief, but he’s always quick to recover and it’s NOTICABLE that this time he didn’t

Until finally he simply goes, “Ok then.” And walks away, as if he can’t get away fast enough

And from then you can always see him sort of avoiding this person, part of it to keep his cover of course, but I think that’s the one thing he’s not willing to do to survive anymore, because he went through that rape once

Another time that sticks out to me is actually with Jackson in the most recent episode

He plans to go into the castle where Emori is being held captive by the prisoners and Children of Gabriel

He plans to sacrifice himself and Jackson lays a hand on his arm and grabs it, stopping him

And man if he wasn’t tense before, HE SURE AS HELL IS NOW

And even after they talk and he cools down a bit he’s still noticeably STIFF, and uncomfortable, and even though he agrees with Jackson and they have a plan, he RIPS away his arm, as if he can’t wait to get it off of him, even through his sleeves

That’s a huge thing with rape and sexual harassment guys

Is TOUCH and forms of intimacy

I think it would be so much harder for Murphy if he HADNT ALREADY BEEN WITH EMORI

I mean man, why are we NOT TALKING about the fact that JOHN MURPHY is a rape victim because it’s SO awful and that whole “not really being part of this group closely, being more distant and even not trusting anyone except Emori”...

It makes it all make SO much more sense guys

The PHENOMENAL part of Richard’s acting is that everything is so subtle

Murphy lives his life as an act, a shield meant to simply keep him from getting killed

And it’s rare that he lets it down

But regardless, Richard manages to convey all these little things that make us see into the real Murphy and love him THAT MUCH MORE

#john murphy #murphy enduces heart attacks #murphy the 100 #emori the 100 #clarke the 100 #the 100 s7 #the 100 s3 #ontari #heda #city of light #ALIE #tw #tw triggers #daniel prime #bellamy blake #octavia blake #jackson the 100 #miller the 100

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yet-another-saberface · 4 years ago

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Fate/ & My Anxiety

Okay, so, I kinda had a rough day today, but that rough day really made me want to write this. I’d been thinking about it for a bit, but now I’m sure that this is something I should put out there, because I’m sure at least someone out there has had a similar experience. And if I write this correctly, it should be an interesting read anyways. (Post now updated with a cut & pretty gifs and things! I tried to keep the gifs more positive to offset some of the more serious parts of what I’m discussing.) So uh... Enjoy I guess? It’s kinda what it says on the tin.

Warning for serious mentions of anxiety and stuff. But I try to keep it lighter than it could be. For anyone else that might have some anxiety problems like me, it might help you to read this, because it’s really just a discussion of some themes I’ve taken away from the series that really helped me with my own anxiety. But whether you read it or not you should probably take a sec to breathe, that never hurts.

So. I’m going to be upfront about this. I have anxiety. Not just a normal amount of stress, but actual, diagnosed anxiety. I am not medicated, but at the moment that’s mostly because my doctors think that trying medication during this whole pandemic situation wouldn’t actually let them know if it would help me in the long term. I’ve been living with anxiety for pretty much my entire life, but I just thought everyone was stressed out, and that life sucked, and that I was bad at dealing with it. But that wasn’t the case.

But one thing is going to ring true for me regardless of what the state of my anxiety is, be it in the moment or over the course of my life. And that’s that like most things, media helped me with it before I even realized what it was. As I sit around in quarantine and try to manage my fluctuating stress levels, I’ve found myself drifting back to the Fate Series, and FGO, after taking a break from them for few months, arguably even the past year.

At this point, it’s been around 3 years, maybe even 4, since I originally discovered Fate. And I’m not going to lie, I didn’t get the best possible first impression, because I started with the Deen anime from 2005. I’d seen Saber before, had no idea who she was other than some chic I vaguely looked like with a good character design and a sword, and saw her on the cover of an anime. So I watched it. I had no idea what the hell was going on, and was trying to piece everything together as I watched, but I watched to the end. And I liked it. It definitely wasn’t my favorite show. But when I heard that it was “the bad one,” and that there was more, I gladly went to go watch it.

And that might not make sense at first, but I’m emitting a huge detail. I was, and still am, a huge mythology nerd. As I was watching the original Stay Night anime, I was fascinated by the portrayals of these characters that, technically, I already knew. And I was really into the idea that there was more of that.

So later that year, I watched Fate/Zero. And I’m gonna be honest, I was too young to really appreciate everything it had to offer, and I’m planning on going back to it soon, but I loved every second of that show. When I got the chance, I binged through it, and it was heavy stuff, but I couldn’t take my eyes away from it.

And after that, I started looking up what else there was. I watched Carnival Phantasm in maybe 2 days tops and adored it. I procrastinate on watching a lot of stuff, because I found myself having less and less time to myself, but that same summer I watched Zero, I also started playing FGO. I started the game for the characters I already knew. I stayed because I found a story I was genuinely invested in on its own, and a community that was really fun to observe, if not be an active part of. I still remember sitting down on a day when I had nothing to do and finishing Okeanos all in one go. Or laying down after a long day at school and doing the same to a ReRun event. It was a great stress outlet, and I was invested.

But the more I look back on all of that, I start to see details that explain even better why I was so invested. I don’t have a single favorite Fate character, but I will admit that I adore Saber. She’s what drew me in, my friends who know Fate apparently think I look like her, and we all know the Excalibur scene from Zero looks like it should be in an actual movie.

I won’t claim to be a character expert, despite being a writer. I didn’t write Saber, let alone any other Fate character. But the more I think about her, the more I start to realize that yeah, I understand a lot of what she’s gone through. Do I know what it’s like to be a King and run a country and what that entails? No obviously not. But I do know what it’s like to feel that you have a duty to everyone around you to not screw things up. I understand how someone could feel extremely guilty when they do eventually screw things up. There’s a lot of ways to look at any character, but I realize now that from the beginning that that specific idea was the lens through which I understood Saber.

And it holds true for most other characters. With Shirou, did I understand losing your parental figure or an undying desire to be a hero? Not really. But I did understand the fact that he felt like he wasn’t good enough, and that he gained value by putting himself on the line for others. I may not have risked my life for another person, but I’ve definitely put myself through mental stress enough to induce multiple panic attacks a day for other people.

And now we get to the part of this... I don’t want to call it an essay. The part of this post. Where I talk about Gil.

Am I aware that in most (early) depictions of him in Fate, he’s a horrible dick of a person who deserves no respect? Yes, I am.

But I also know that when I think about some of the less horrible aspects of him as a character now, there’s stuff in there I should take away that is good. I just went on an whole rant about how I can understand low self esteem and self sacrifice and crushing responsibility and the pressure to not screw it all up. And these days, I can’t stop thinking about how Saber admitted to a lot of that and (this is obviously a gross oversimplification but you should get by now that this is personal and specific) the response from Gil and Rider was “It sounds like you aren’t living life as happily as you could and are setting a bad example of how to live life for those that look up to you.” And that idea keeps coming back to me in every moment when I’m having an anxiety attack, or cram studying even though I know I’m ready, or finishing something due two weeks from now tonight because I won’t have to do it later. And it only hits me harder because I know I’m not a King or anything lofty like that, but I am a labeled “gifted student” and a support person for many of my friends and a designated “responsible one” and all of these other things. And yet I’m preaching for them to do as I say not as I do when it comes to enjoying life and taking care of yourself.

I don’t know if I fully internalized that message when I first watched that scene. But I must have in some capacity because it still haunts me now, reminding me that maybe I shouldn’t be giving into all of this stress. And I’m trying, I really am, to keep that in mind as I fight against all of it and try to keep things under control.

And then there’s Babylonia. When I really get down to it, I have a pretty strong emotional connection to this part of FGO. I joined the game pretty late, roughly right after Camelot’s release, so I had a lot of catching up to do. But I caught up, and I got to experience this story that I’d heard was one of the best in the game as it came out. If I wanted to I could say a LOT more about Babylonia, and maybe I will in the future.

But I’m not going to deny that CasGil has been a pretty prominent presence in my mind ever since when it comes to stress and responsibility. (Heck I could probably talk about just him specifically for at least a good 5th of what I have so say about Babylonia. Maybe I will someday.) I mean, it’s kind of his thing, you see the fandom joke about it all the time how he’s the Gil that doesn’t sleep because he just keeps on working and working and working. And that’s why there was this one moment when I was watching the Babylonia anime that now stands out to me. When Gil goes with the player out to the observatory, he just leaves. He doesn’t bother apologizing to anyone or explaining his actions, he just goes. And we know, as basically an outsider, that this is him taking a break. He needed a break and so he just took a break without any clarifications or explanations or apologies. Sure he might justify it to the player has needing to do some other work out there, but that actually makes it hit harder for me. Because he’s justifying his breaks as more work.

I used to be lucky enough to have a clear cut line between what was my time and what was other people’s time (that I was giving them out of my time) and what time belonged to school/work. And now all of that has been thrown out the window and I’ve been having to teach myself how to do what I just described.

Take a goddamn break without having to tell everyone else how sorry I am for taking a day to actually rest and breathe and all those other important things. And yet I still have to justify those breaks to myself as time to take care of other things. 90% of the time, those breaks aren’t breaks to me, they’re time to work on my novel instead of my essay, or something like that.

And then I glance down at my phone and I’m hit with most of what I just wrote flooding into my head. And I try to tell myself that no, it’s okay to just take a break. And that I should be allowing myself to enjoy being alive instead of being a slave to expectations and responsibilities. And that as a person I know other people look up to I should be setting a better example of how to take care of yourself. And sometimes it works. Other times there’s more things at play and it doesn’t get through to me the same way, but it’s something that works. All of the hours I’ve spent with those character remind me that what I’m doing isn’t okay on a pretty regular basis at this point. And I’m really glad for that. And I hope that all of this stuff will continue to help me as it’s helping me right now.

At least I know that when I feel like I’m freaking out, I can open FGO and play through a quest and I’ll usually feel better. So I’m just gonna keep trying, keep managing, until I find a place where it’s finally all okay again, as much as it can be.

(P.S: More reasons that CasGil is my grailing target right now? Yeah that’s true but these reasons are deeper than “I got a Merlin look at that” or “Grailing Jalter is useful.” He’s a character that’s genuinely important to me and I think that finally investing in him is going to be really satisfying for me.)

#fgo #fate go #fate/go #fate grand order #fate/grand order #my writing #life update #i guess #serious stuff #if you read this thank you so much #anxiety #i don't know if stuff like this will become regular content #it might i dunno #but if it does it'll be more analysis and less personal #but seriously y'all take a break #breathe #take care of yourself #and if characters help you do that that's great

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what-is-your-plan-today · 5 years ago

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Stark Spangled Banner Ch 57: We’re In The Endgame Now

Intro The Time Heist worked, but at a cost. Natasha gave her life for the Soul Stone. Following a promise to make her sacrifice worth something, the Avengers continued their plan and succeeded in reversing the Snap. But along with everyone else, the biggest threat the Avengers have ever faced re-appeared.

Thanos.

Now Steve and Katie, along with the rest of their team are locked in a fearsome battle, between light and dark, life and death. Simply put, it’s a battle which they cannot afford to lose because they’re in the Endgame now…

Warnings:

“Language!”

Character death. Please have your tissues ready…there’s gonna be tears.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist

So…I’m REALY nervous about this one!! I hope I do it justice. It flits between perspectives so I hope you can follow it, and used a lot of visuals too... Please re-blog and leave your thoughts xxx

"Baby…” Steve heard Katie’s voice, it was desperate, shattered, and something else inside him broke even more. “You gotta get up…” she pleaded, shaking his shoulder, “Come on…”

Steve grit his teeth as he rolled to the side, Katie’s hand still on his shoulder as he rest against his forearm, trying to muster the strength to get up.

“Come on…” Katie whispered, “We need to try, keep him distracted until Tony and Thor come round….hopefully the others can find their way back to the surface. And then if we can get the stones we can end this.” It was a long shot, beyond long in fact. Steve knew that. Katie knew that. But whilst there was hope…no matter how small a hope it was, or how beaten they felt, they had to try. Steve turned his head to look over his shoulder at his wife. Her face plate was open and there were tears streaking down her cheeks. She looked at him and then glanced to her left, and he saw utter hatred and fear cloud her pretty face.

“In all my years of conquest, violence, slaughter... it was never personal.” Thanos spoke as Katie and Steve both glared at him, from their vantage point on the floor, Katie almost shielding Steve with her body as she knelt by his side. “But I'll tell you now, what I'm about to do to your stubborn, annoying little planet...I'm gonna enjoy it. Very, very much.”

And then, as they watched, behind Thanos, a blue light shot down and when it dissipated it left what looked like thousands of soldiers stood in rows. Thanos had brought his entire army. The so called Children of Thanos, Chitauri, those damned dog things they had fought in Wakanda...

Katie took a shaky breath, and let out a sob as she realised that any hope they had was gone. They might have, just might have stood a chance against Thanos alone, but not against his full army. She locked eyes with his Steve before he looked down at the ground, away from her eyes. More of her tears fell as she understood this was it. This was the end. For them, for their kids, for the world.

According to some, there’s a calm serenity that descends on you when you know you’re time is up. But Steve didn’t feel calm, he felt anger, hatred…all towards himself. This was down to him, he’d brought this upon his family, his friends…he should have left those fucking stones in the past and dealt with his feelings of failure. Instead, here he was, a failure again. Beaten on a battlefield by the very man they actually killed some 5 years previously that was now about to wipe out the entire world. How fucked up was that?

“We are not going like this…” Katie said, openly sobbing as she shook her head, looking from Steve to the assembled army. “Not like this. We stand up, and we go fighting, you hear me?”

“You always get up Stevie, ya hear?” his Ma looked at him, wiping the blood from his split lip, ignoring his flinch. “No matter how hard they hit ya, you never give them the satisfaction of stayin’ down, lad, never. You push back, and eventually they’ll realise that they can’t fight forever...”

He glanced at the broken shield on his arm, swallowing as he remembered Jamie looking at him when he told him he used to be Captain America. His beautiful baby boy’s eyes that were so like Steve’s mother’s, wide with awe, and pride.

“You were Captain America?” Jamie frowned. “When you fighted with the Avengers?”

“Yeah” he sighed, running his hand through Jamie’s golden hair “I was.”

“Are you now?”

“I dunno.” Steve said, glancing back at his shield.

“I think you are” Jamie cocked his head to one side as his hand reached out to touch the shield. “Because Cap’s a hero and you’re my hero”

Well fuck this. Katie was right, his Ma was right. If he was going, then he was going down fighting. Alongside his best gal, his partner, the woman who gave him more strength than any serum ever could.

He pushed himself to his feet, teeth grit, fierce determination across every line on his face. With a shaking hand he tightened the leather straps on his broken shield around his arm and stood tall, turning to Katie.

“I love you.” he choked out, holding out his right hand to grip her left “’til the end of the line.” She turned to him, her eyes streaming with tears before she reached up and pulled his face to hers, pressing a fierce kiss to his lips.

“The very end…” she stuttered out, before they turned to face their death.

Man and Wife walked slowly towards Thanos, who simply stood, his head cocked to his right. They’d barely made it 4 foot however, when their communicators started crackling.

“Hey, Cap, you read me?”

It was faint…and broken…but it was a voice they hadn’t heard in 5 years other than in their nightmares about that fateful day they failed in Wakanda. A voice they would never forget.

Sam.

Both of them stopped dead, Steve’s mouth dropped open and he looked at Katie, raising a shaking hand to his head in an attempt to press the comms piece further into his ear. They both turned to each other, their faces shocked, not quite sure whether to believe if they were hearing things or...

“Cap, it's Sam. Can you hear me?”

Both Katie and Steve’s chests rose and fell deeply as they tried to understand where Sam was. They knew Banner's snap had worked, but surely if everyone came back where they had vanished then they should be in Wakanda. Nevertheless, Steve instinctively glanced upwards, and Sam spoke again.

“On your left.”

They both turned, seeing a sparkling yellow circle to the left of Steve. As they watched, utterly dumbfounded, three figures stepped through and Katie realised from their Silhouettes alone who it was- Okoye, Shuri, and T’Challa in his full Black Panther garb. Katie’s hand flew to her mouth as T'Challa's mask faded away to look at Steve. The soldier breathed shakily and relieved and thankful smile broke through the filth and grime that covered his face. T'Challa gave him a small nod, before he turned to Katie and bowed slightly, the way he always did.

Katie’s breathing suddenly became erratic as she gripped Steve’s hand and the sobs began again, but this time they were punctuated by laughs, laughs and stutters of utter relief which turned into a yell of pure joy when Sam zoomed in above them in his Falcon armour. They watched as he flew and circled back round, Katie ’hands flying into the back of her hair, gripping as she doubled over and sobbed, simply unable to believe it.

Steve could do nothing but watch in a relieved, thankful and astounded awe as dozens and dozens more portals opened up all around the battlefield. He knew who the man that descended at the front was- Doctor Strange and he was joined by 3 people he also knew to be Rocket’s friends- The Guardians of the Galaxy- then came Spider-Man, his mask flopping down to reveal an alive and well Peter Parker behind it. Katie tore her eyes away to look for Tony who was now sitting up, a look of utter shock on his face. He found her eyes and gave a small twitch of his mouth as he scrambled to his feet, and turned to Thor who was now grinning ear to ear as he watched the portal that was bringing Valkyrie and the Asgardian army to their aid. Katie could heard chanting now and she turned to see the full Wakandan Army stepping through another portal headed by Bucky. The number of people arriving to support the Avengers rose as Dr Strange continued to conjure portals, and Katie screamed as a familiar red energy alerted them both to Wanda’s appearance, where she landed not far from Bucky, her eyes blazing. And then, with a clang Pepper landed a few feet away from Katie clad in her own Iron Suit and Tony joined them, shooting his wife a proud look. Finally there was a loud roaring, crashing noise and Katie and Steve spun to see Scott Lang as the Giant-Ant Man emerging from the rubble with Banner, Rhodey, Rocket and Clint.

The group of thousands behind Katie and Steve up their fighting stances, brandishing whatever weapons or powers they had, Steve looked around, almost bursting into tears himself at the emotions flooding his chest. He glanced at his wife who looked back, wiping her eyes, her breathing still deep as she couldn’t quite believe how all these people had come to help. Steve didn’t either, but all he knew was they had. And now they were almost if not completely equal on numbers. And they had hope once more.

In fact, they had more than hope. They had a chance. And that was good enough for the Captain. He’d beaten worse odds before, and he was damned sure they could do it again, especially when he turned to look at Thanos and saw for the first time something that looked like fear, apprehension even on the Titan’s face.

He turned to face Katie again as she gave him a nod.

“Call it Captain…” she said, her voice full of determination as her face plate slid back into place.

And call it he did.

“AVENGERS!” his cry echoed across the battle field as he held out his hand, summoning Mjolnir to his palm. Thor landed by his side just as the hammer slapped into Steve’s glove and he glared up at Thanos, his teeth grit with utter determination “ –Assemble.”

Behind him Thor gave a loud battle cry as did Black Panther and the Avengers’ army began to charge. Katie, Tony and Pepper flying almost in formation as they sped forward. Almost instantly the two sides collided violently, and the fighting began. Bullets, beams, punches, kicks, knives, spears, all flying and smashing against one another. The air was filled with yells, grunts and the clanging of metal against metal.

Thor and Steve found themselves fighting off a large group of the dog like creatures and somehow Steve ended up holding Stormbreaker. Not for long, because that belonged to Thor. His Thanos killing axe. No way was the God of Thunder letting the Captain wield that.

“No no, give me that…” he held out his hand, tossing him Mjolnir. "You can have the little one,"

Katie, Tony and Pepper were circling back to back in a 3, their booster beams shooting at anything and everything, spiralling into groups of the warriors, helping anyone they could. Katie spotted that Clint was swamped a little so she flew down, freeing him before she shot into the air and found herself flying along side Sam.

“Mrs R…”he turned to face her and she gave him a nod.

“Good to see you Sammy…” she smiled.

“You know me, never one to miss a good fire fight!” he smirked, shooting his semi-autos at something that was flying into the air in front of him.

Tony shot down, barrelling into a group of Chitauri warriors, just like he had in New York. With a whoop he scattered them like bowling pins, landing and shooting off guns and beams, before something hit him hard on the side of the head and sent him flying. He landed, and pushed himself up on his elbows ready to fight but at the same time the Giant Ant-Man crushed his assailant.

And then, the kid was there. Peter was running straight to Tony. In the suit Tony had made for him. The Billionaire blinked, retracting his helmet as Pete’s usual, incessant and enthusiastic rambles filled his ear.

“Hey! Holy cow! You will not believe what's been going on. Do you remember when we were in space? And I got all dusty? I must've passed out ‘cause I woke up, and you were gone. But Doctor Strange was there, right? He was like, "It's been five years. Come on, they need us." And then he started doing the yellow sparkly thing that he does all the time..” he started using two fingers to demonstrate Strange's swirl in the air but Tony stopped him, the emotions of seeing the kid alive again were swirling in his chest, and with watery eyes he stepped forward and pulled the kid into a hug.

“What are you doing?...” Peter said, shocked at his mentor’s display of affection before he hugged Tony back. “This is nice”

The fight raged on and on and on. But no one gave up, they knew they had no option but to win this, for the sake of everything and everyone on the planet, and none more than Steve, who was fighting with every goddamned bit of strength he had to get back to his kids and his wife and finally buy that fucking holiday home in Orlando that Katie had been eyeing up.

Across the field he could just about make out Clint, who was sprinting like his life depended on it. Which, in fairness, it did. The gauntlet was clutched to his chest and he spoke into his comms, asking his leader for instructions.

“Cap, what do you want me to do with this damn thing?”

“Get those stones as far away as possible!” Steve instructed, punching another creature in the head.

“No!” Banner yelled back “We need to get them back where they came from.”

“No way to get them back” Tony sighed “Thanos destroyed the quantum tunnel”

“Hold on…” Lang spoke, and Steve saw the 100 foot or so man shrink out of the air "That wasn't our only time machine!"

The sound of Scott’s van horn, rang out across the battle ground and Steve immediately ran up to higher ground, trying to spot the van, following the noise.

"Anyone see an ugly, brown van up there?" Steve asked, looking up.

Katie shot above him and he watched her as she circled over the fighting armies before she stopped, hovering and pointing down underneath her

“Yes!” She yelled victoriously, as Valkyrie flew alongside her on her winged horse, shooting her a look.

“You're not going to like where it's parked!” The Asgardian finished, pointing her spear to it.

Tony flew up into the air shooting another Chitauri warrior off his…well, whatever the hell you called those flying scooter things before he glanced down at Lang.

“Scott, how long you need to get that thing working?”

“Maybe ten minutes”.

“Get it started.” Rogers instructed We'll get the stones to you.”

And then as Tony watched, ready to cover Lang as he broke for it, a woman materialised next to him. Nothing should surprise Tony anymore, nothing, but it did. And he had absolutely no idea why.

“We're on it, Cap.” she spoke softly, before they pair of them shrunk again and FRIDAY kept a lock on them as they flew away, no bigger than ants.

Ok, so maybe Lang didn’t need covering after all. Tony watched them via FRIDAYS scanners as they flew towards the van, and saw Katie and Pepper fighting in tandem, the pair of them bringing down a huge Chituari beast that looked like a gorilla. He grinned at the sight of his wife and sister kicking ass, and then spotted Strange in the corner of his eye, trapping a load of Chitauri in his magic, sending them through portals. Recalling the conversation they had on Titan, he had to know and so he landed, turning to look at the Wizard.

“Hey. You said one out of 14 million, we win, yeah?” he asked, glancing around “Tell me this is it.”

“If I tell you what happens, it won't happen” Strange said back, and Tony groaned. Jesus this man was infuriating.

“You better be right.” Tony shot back, pointing an iron clad finger at him.

As Scott was hot-wiring his van, because of course it was dead, the fight was raging on and the gauntlet was in some kind of relay across the battle field towards them. T’Challa took it off Clint and as Thanos advanced on the black Panther, Wanda landed in front of him, her eyes blazing. She then began to fight Thanos furiously, and she seemed to be getting the upper hand as bits of his armour began to peel off him as he hovered in the air, surrounded by her red power. Wanda was attempting to tear him apart.

In desperation Thanos gave the instruction for his ships to fire down on the battle field, not caring that his own troops would also be hit. As the missiles began to hit the ground, everyone tried to dodge as best they could. Strange and the rest of his troops held up their arms conjuring magic shields to attempt to keep the troops on the ground as sheltered as possible. Katie and Pepper employing evasive manoeuvres as they sped across the sky, until a large explosion caught their attention and they glanced over to the bank of the river. One of the missiles from the ship had blasted part of it away and the water was now rushing up and over the edge and threatening to flood the canyon the battle was taking place in. After a nervous shout from Pepper, Strange jumped to it and conjured up his power, capturing the water in some kind of magic and holding it still.

“Where are the stones?” Katie asked frantically, circling above, still dodging the fire. And Steve had to admit, he’d kinda like to know as well. It was then that they both heard Peter Parker yelling, and they realised he had the gauntlet.

"I got this…” there was a scuffle "Ok, I don't got this. Help! Somebody! Help!"

"Hey Queens," Steve said, "Heads up!" He took a couple steps forward flung Mjolnir through the air. Peter shot his web at it, and it catapulted him through the air where Katie caught him.

"Hang on, I got you Spider-Kid!" she said, as they flew through the air and she tossed him to Valkyrie as she flew past. But her horse was hit by the fire from Thanos’ ship and Peter was blasted to the floor.

“Tony, have you any idea how we can shut that thing down?” Katie asked desperately, looking at the ship. They needed that damned thing out of order to stand any chance. The missiles were coming even harder now, and Steve dove to take cover behind a rock.

And then, all the noise stopped, and the cannons on the ship lifted upward and they began to fire into the sky.

“What the hell is this?” Sam asked, as he flew along side Katie.

"FRIDAY, what are they firing at?" Tony asked, his voice slightly worried.

"Something just entered the upper atmosphere," FRIDAY replied in both Tony and Katie’s ear.

Then a huge, bright ball of pulsating energy came surging down straight through the ship, and then back up through it again.

“DANVERS!” Katie yelled, watching as the woman hovered above the fast descending ship as it crash-landed in the lake.

"Now that’s how to make an entrance," she, glanced at her brother where he was hovering not far away from her. He turned to look at her, and even though she couldn’t see his face she knew he was rolling his eyes.

"I used to make a perfectly fine entrance, thank you Kiddo…”

"Danvers," Steve glanced up, hardly able to keep the smile of his face, even though he knew this was far from over. But Thanos was looking worried now, he could see from the Titan’s body language, and that was enough of a boost for the Super Soldier to sweep back into Captain mode, they could win this...

“We could use an assist here…” he looked up.

“What on?” Carol asked, flying towards Katie.

“We need to get the stones to the brown van…” Katie said, circling and then she spotted Peter who was crouched in a crater, the gauntlet tight within his arms. Gesturing to Carol she landed by Peter, her helmet sliding away and Carol gently dropped besides her and looked down at Peter..

"Hi. I'm Peter Parker," he said, looking up at her, his nose blooded.

Carol smirked, almost flirtatiously. "Hey Peter Parker. Got something for me?"

Peter pushed himself up and handed her the gauntlet, before he looked at the Army who was crawling towards them. “I don't know how you're gonna get it through all that” he said quietly.

Wanda then landed next to Katie and glanced around, her red power surrounding her. “Don't worry.” the Sokovian woman said as Valkyrie landed on her winged horse

“She's got help” Okoye said stepping up as she looked around.

“Where’s Nat?” Wanda asked as Pepper landed next to Okoye. Katie hung her head slightly as she looked at her, as more and more of the women from the battle landed in front of them- Mantis, then Shuri Hope, Gamora and Nebula.

“She didn’t make it Wan…” Katie said gently, and she heard Okoye gasp and then realised that no one had told the Warrior “She didn’t make it back from the mission to get the stones.” Okoye spun her shield in her hands, her face stoney as she eyed up the army which was advancing on them. “Then this…this is for her…” The Wakandan woman said, turning to Katie who nodded.

And then they attacked. Thanos' army charged while the women helped Carol Danvers go through the swarm of aliens, Chitauri, animals alike. Okoye took out the larger fighter that Katie recognised from the train station in Edinburgh as Wanda, her, Pepper and Valkyrie destroyed two leviathans. Carol Danvers then started flying towards the van with the Gauntlet, at a rate of knots, going through every blockade that was in her way with ease. Thanos, seeing this, started running towards her.

“We gotta cover Danvers!” Katie yelled as she flew down, followed by Pepper as Shuri and Hope also stood tall, the 4 of them unloading their various weapons and succeeding in blasting Thanos backwards. Danvers sped past him, but through the heat and flash of various beams and weapons, no one spotted him launching the half of his sword towards the van until it was too late.

Steve felt the explosion and looked up at the huge flash of light, seeing Danvers being catapulted back through the air, her grip on the gauntlet lost and it fell to the ground. Then, it was almost like time slowed down as Thanos paused, looking at the Gauntlet, at the same time as Tony sat up and did the same. As Steve sprinted towards the pair of them Tony went to tackle him from behind only to be batted away to the side somewhere. Steve continued to sprint, he was almost there, almost…and then Thor landed swinging his lightning covered axe at the Titan before his hammer flew into his hand and he used both weapons to hold Thanos at bay. Steve threw himself on Thanos’ back grabbing at the axe, pulling with all his might in an attempt to slice it straight through Thanos’ neck. But it was to no avail. With a might head-butt Thanos sent Thor sprawling backwards and he reached up and pulled Steve off him, flinging him through the air like a rag doll. He landed hard, his head colliding with something, and he was out cold.

“Steve!” Katie saw him go flying, and was about to go after him, but she saw Thanos reaching for the gauntlet. Surging her suit forwards she shot at him, desperation flooding her system, and she kept her beam going as she flew down. Her fingers grazed the gauntlet before a harsh kick to her head sent her flipping back and through the air with no control over her flight plan. She landed heavily, groaning as she felt blood trickle down her temple. She had taken a bad hit there and felt herself zoning in and out, the sounds of the battle muting slightly as she lay on her back, her helmet flying open as she took deep gulps of air before it all went black.

Tony, meanwhile, had come to. He sat up, and saw that Thanos and Danvers were locked in combat, Danvers’ hands were both wrapped round Thanos’ left and Tony could see that he now had the gauntlet. They were so close, surely…surely not. He couldn’t snap again. He grimaced as Thanos went to head but the woman, but nothing. It simply bounced off the energy surrounding her. And Tony felt a glimmer of hope, maybe she was their secret weapon. The one in 14 million, 605 that meant they were gonna win. As he watched she surged upwards, forcing Thanos to his knees but the Titan pulled the Power Stone out of the gauntlet and clutching it in his right hand he hit Danvers hard and she flew through the air, landing harshly. With pure desperation, Tony turned to look at Strange who was watching him. The magician simply raised one finger, which was trembling slightly. Trembling, Tony assumed, because the one win he foresaw was now at risk. But as he looked at the man, Strange’s eyes filled with sadness and Tony realised that it wasn’t Carol he saw winning the battle after all.

It was him.

And then he understood completely. And he knew what he had to do. With a deep breath, resigned to his fate he threw himself at the Titan.

With a heavy moan, Katie sat up, just in time to see Tony grappling with Thanos. With an angry cry she fired her suit up again and shot forwards, but as she did Thanos cast aside her brother easily. She bore down on him she shooting her beams, using her boosters and everything she had, but once again she was forced to quit after one of the Chitauri Leviathons came straight for her. She just managed to dodge it by shooting to the right, but was caught heavily by one of its fins and for the second time in as many minutes she was spiralling though the air with no control. The heads up display in her helmet flickered slightly and there was ringing in her ears mingled with FRIDAY’s desperate calls. The ground was rising to meet her but just in time she managed to pull herself round and righted herself in the air. Spinning round she saw Tony knelt up, his helmet retracted as he stared at the Titan, who was leering down over him with a twisted grin on his face.

“I am inevitable…”He said. It was the second time she had heard him say that. And then he rose his hand which bore the gauntlet.

Katie’s desperate scream echoed around her helmet as she hovered in mid-air and before she could so much as move, the Titan snapped. But instead of the beams of light and the shaking of the ground that had happened when Bruce did it. There was nothing. Katie’s face plate slid back, because the thought the displays were damaged but her eyes widened as Thanos glanced down at his gauntlet. She realised at the same time he did that the stones were missing. And then, as if in slow motion, the pieces started to slot into place, both figuratively and mentally.

Tony knelt tall, the stones twirling round his hand. Lights circled his forearm and bicep and he let out a loud yell, the utter pain and power consumed him. It bore into every cell on his body and took everything he had inside him to keep himself upright. This was it the end that he always knew he was going to meet. And strangely, he wasn’t scared. Not for him anyway, this was his destiny… the only way it would ever end.

“We’re in the Endgame now...”

Morgan’s face flashed across Tony’s mind, then Pepper’s, then his sister’s as his head fell back, the power surging up his arm and shoulder. Pulling his head up with an almighty wrench, his eyes locked on those belonging to the Thanos and he could feel the stones vibrating on his gauntlet, humming, almost like they knew what was coming. Maybe they did.

The bastards words echoed in his mind. “I am inevitable.”

Well, eat shit you fucker…

His eyes flickered to his sister, who was watching the entire event unfold, paralysed in mid-air behind the Titan, her helmet retracted and mouth open in a silent scream. With a soft smile he then turned back to the Titan and looked him square in the face, speaking with the most conviction he could ever remember having.

“And I…am…Iron Man.”

He raised his fingers, concentrating on what he wanted to happen, and snapped. The power surge made Tony collapse forward, his skin was burning and his throat felt like it was being closed off. He pushed himself to his feet, hand clutched to the arc reactor in his chest as he tried to speak into his Comms, but the words wouldn’t come. Staggering a few feet, he stumbled to a large upturned piece of concrete laced with rebar before he collapsed against it, hard.

Steve who had just got to his feet was aware of a bright flash of light and the vibrating of the ground underneath him and new instantly that someone had snapped. He spun round in desperate hope it wasn’t Thanos, and then as he saw one of the animals bearing down on him he braced himself, aiming a hard punch to it’s head. But he connected with nothing. He paused, his eyes widening, mouth falling open in shock as he watched Thanos’ army turn to dust all around the field and he realised that they’d won. It wasn’t Thanos who had snapped, it was one of them. With a relieved sigh, he wheeled around expecting to see Thor or Banner with the gauntlet, his mouth suddenly going dry as he realised the effect it had on Banner the last time but they were nowhere to be found. And that was when he spotted his wife, deactivating her suit as she ran, scrambling over piles of concrete and stones to get to someone.

Tony’s breathing was laboured and his eyes were full wide when Katie finally reached him, grabbing his gauntlet clad hand.

“Tony, come on…look at me…” He was done, he understood that. But they’d won. Morgan, Pepper, Kiddo, Jamie, Emmy, Steve…his family were all safe. The world was safe. He tried to speak, tried to tell her it was ok, that he accepted what was happening, but his voice was merely a whisper.

“I…”

“Shhh, save your strength…” Katie gently placed her hand on the side of his head, down the cheek which wasn’t badly burnt and she was aware that someone had landed next to her. Rhodey dropped to his knee gently, his hand falling to Tony’s shoulder as he looked at his friend, not saying a word. Katie turned to him, his eyes filling with tears.

“Mr Stark?” Peter Parker landed between her and Rhodey Katie turned back to her brother as his head collapsed against the concrete. “Hey Mr Stark, can you hear me…it’s Peter…” Tony’s face turned to the young man, a flash of recognition on his face as he tried to smile.

“We won…Mr Stark” Peter said, his breathing deep. “We won, you did it Sir, we did it…I’m sorry…don’t….” He began to cry as Tony’s head lolled to the side and then Katie was aware of someone else behind them, gently pulling Peter up and away. She turned to her right as Pepper crouched next to her. She gently squeezed Katie’s arm before she touched Tony on his shoulder, placing her other hand over the arc reactor on his chest.

“Hey…” she said softly.

“Pep…” he managed to whisper as his hand fell on top of hers and Katie placed her own over his.

“FRIDAY? ” Pepper spoke with a thick swallow, even though Katie knew there was no need to ask the AI. The stones had almost killed Thanos and Banner. Tony stood no chance. He was dying.

“Life functions are critical…” the AI spoke and Katie bowed her head, her tears falling to the ground.

“Tony…” Pepper said softly, and Katie looked back at her brother, who was smiling up at his wife. She gently smiled back, as he turned his head to his sister and she tried her hardest to keep it together.

“The stars…”He mumbled out, and Katie nodded chocking back a sob as she gripped his hand tighter, finishing the saying for him.

“And back…”

He turned back to Pepper who gently ran her hand up his arm “We’re gonna be ok” she said, her voice soft as she glanced at Katie

“We all are.” Katie assured him, sniffing slightly.

His head lolled back once more and Pepper spoke gently, this time her voice cracked. “You can rest now…” Her hand brushed his hair back from his temple as he lay so still, his eyes glanced over Katie’s shoulder to where Steve was stood, stock still, his own tears clouding his vision. He locked eyes with Tony who gave him the faintest of smiles. Steve nodded to him, his chest heaving with sorrow before his brother-in-law’s eyes stopped focussing and his body slumped. Steve saw Pepper bow her head next to Katie, and as his wife glanced down at her hand, still over the top of his, Steve saw the light go out in his chest.

He was gone.

Katie let out a soft sob as she removed her hand gently taking Tony’s with her. Kneeling up, she pressed her forehead against his, scrunching her face up against the physical pain that was brewing in her chest. Pepper leaned up to kiss his face as a silence fell around them, not one single sound coming from the battle field. Pepper dropped her head to Tony’s shoulder and then she too began to cry. Katie placed a soft kiss to his cheek, his skin still warm and bowed her head, listening to Pepper’s sobs through the silence of her own.

Steve limped forward, dropping heavily to his knees besides his wife “Katie…” he said softly, she turned to face him, noticing his eyes were red and the dirt on the parts of his face visible under his helmet were interlined with the tracks his own tears had made. The two looked at each other for a second, before her face crumpled and he wrapped his arms around her and she buried her face into his chest, her small body shaking with silent sobs, hands fisting around the Kevlar of his uniform. Steve lay his cheek against her head, his own tears pouring down his face as he held her to him. His eyes scanned immediate vicinity of the battle field and his eyes fell on Clint in the near distance, dropping to his knee, his head bowed, hand resting on his fist. In front of him T’challa did the same, then Carol, and the Bucky... everyone, all out of respect to their fallen warrior.

Eventually it was Thor that broke the silence, but not by speaking. There was a huge rumble of thunder and Katie jumped, pulling back from Steve slightly, looking upwards as lighting flashed in the sky. The clouds that had descended with Thanos’ ship began to part slowly, a chink of the red sunset falling onto where Tony was sat, chinks of light bouncing off his Iron Man suit.

Katie turned away from Steve and gently reached out with a shaking hand to close Tony’s eyes

“There, he could be sleeping…”she said softly, her hand falling to Pepper’s shoulder. Pepper reached up and gripped it, almost painfully as she turned to her sister-in-law, her face streaming with tears. There was a moment’s pause before Katie wrapped her arms around her, gently stroking her hair.

“We should… we should move him.” Rhodey said, his voice cracking. Steve pulled himself to his feet with a groan and he looked around.

“Has any of the compound survived?” he asked softly, wiping his face as Sam approached him.

“The Hangar area and the labs are totally gone, Cap.” Sam said gently and Steve looked at him properly for the first time in 5 years “But some of the living quarters and part of the training facility seems to be ok.”

“Can we check it’s safe to house people?” Steve said, switching back into Captain mode. “We need to set up somewhere to treat the wounded.”

Sam nodded.

“I’ll come with you.” Rhodey said before he looked at Steve. “I’ll get onto the Emergency Services and Ross too.”

The two men nodded. Rhodey took off straight away whereas Sam paused.

“It’s good to see you Sam.” Steve said, with a soft smile.

“Well like I said, when Captain America needs your help…”

There was a pause, before the two men hugged. Stepping back, with a nod, Sam launched back into the air.

“Steve…”

He spun round to see Bucky, watching him tentatively. For a moment Steve stood still, just observing his friend before he rushed forward into a manly embrace, Steve choking up once more.

“I leave you for what, 5 minutes and you start another war?” Bucky teased gently and Steve gave a watery laugh.

“Try 5 years you Jerk”

“Punk.” Bucky said gently, before he looked down at Katie who was still knelt by her brother, her arm round Pepper. He gave a sigh and dropped his head.

“Sorry.” he offered to Steve, not sure what else he could say.

Steve nodded, wiping his face as he glanced around, the Captain and the Sergeant both surveying the survivors. Banner was stood with Clint and TChalla, the three of them talking with their heads bowed. Clint reached out and patted Banner on the arm as the green man began walking towards where Steve was stood.

“Living quarters are secure…” Rhodey said in Steve’s ear and he nodded.

“Ok, let’s set up some form of command centre, a triage maybe if we need it…” he took a deep breath and turned back to Katie as he dropped to his knee again, a little gentler than last time and he touched her shoulder.

“Honey…” he said softly, wiping away the blood from her temple. “We can move Tony now, take him inside��that is if you’re ready…”

She turned to him, taking a deep breath she nodded. “Pep?”

Pepper gave a sniff and nodded as well.

“I’ll take him.” Banner said, sniffing as he stepped forward. Katie watched as he picked up Tony’s limp body as easily as if it was a rag doll and set off walking through the rubble.

“I don’t want him to be alone.” Pepper said gently from her side before she stood up and walked after Bruce.

Katie took a deep breath. She didn’t want to leave her brother either but she knew there was nothing more to be done for him, he was gone, and there were other people that needed their help. She turned to face Steve who was still knelt next to her. He reached out to gently cup her cheek with his hand, and it was then she noticed the bone-deep almost foot long gash down his forearm.

“Steve…your arm.” she said, taking his wrist in her hand and gently flipping it so she could look at it. “I’ll be fine.” He said.

Knowing better than to try and argue with him, she looked around and asked with a shaky voice. “Did anyone else…” “No.” Steve shook his head, instantly understanding “Few minor injuries but…everyone’s fine.” “Except Tony…” she said, her breath catching as the tears once more flooded from her eyes.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Steve’s voice cracked as he wrapped his arms round her and cradled her close, the pair of them lost in their grief for their fallen brother. *****

The night began to draw in. Thanks to Rhodey, the Emergency services had swamped the area to begin a full clean up and treatment of the walking wounded.

And there were so many people to greet, so many to thank, so fucking many.

Katie’s head was a complete mash. She was utterly numb. Hugs and tears were shared with the people they had lost 5 years ago, thanks were given to those who had stood by them and come to their aid, and then more tears were shed for the two fallen heroes. Eventually, she told Steve she needed a break and he gave her cheek a soft kiss, both of them knowing full well her breakdown would come later. She headed into the compound to find Pepper and her brother before he was taken away by one of Ross’ men, the Secretary having actually proven useful for once.

Strange transported everyone who wasn’t staying at the Compound back home, in the same way he had led them there. He bid goodbye to Steve, shaking his hand, before he himself disappeared.

With a sigh and a glance down at his bandaged arm, Steve’s attention was caught by something shining in the dim light. As he looked harder he noticed that it was a piece of his shield. Bending down, his fingers swept the dust and debris off the large piece of Vibranium. Picking it up, he swallowed slightly, remembering the horror and surprise he had felt as Thanos had hacked through it, as if it had been made of nothing but aluminium.

“So you met Danvers?” a familiar voice cut through his thoughts.

Steve looked over his shoulder to see Fury stood behind him. He stood up and gave the man a weak smile.“Yeah. You were holding out on us all this time.”

“In a fashion” Fury shrugged. “Code red only…”

Steve gave a snort, no in the least bit surprised.

“He's a spy. Captain, he's THE spy.” Tony said, gesticulating with his arms to make a point “His secrets have secrets”

Steve looked down at the fractured piece of his shield which was held in his hand, before he glanced out over the now destroyed compound where the battle had been raging mere hours before and he shook his head.

“You know, all this…bringing everyone back…” he sighed heavily “The victory kinda feels pyrrhic with losing Nat and Tony…”

“They both made their choices.” Fury sighed, softly “Both gave their lives for a cause they believed in.”

“Tony didn’t even want to do this you know.” Steve sighed “He said no at first but I talked him into it…” “Stark never did anything he didn’t want to do.” Fury said, turning to face Steve straight on. “He made a choice. As did Agent Romanoff. And you need to allow them the both the dignity of their choices by not blaming yourself. They clearly thought it was worth it.” With those words the Captain was catapulted way back in time to a conversation in a blown out London bar, the evening he realised he could no longer get drunk.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Peggy looked at him across the table.

“Did you read the reports?” Steve shot back.

“Yes.”

“Then you know that’s not true.”

“You did everything you could. Did you believe in your friend? Did you respect him?” Peggy asked and Steve looked at her, incredulously. Of course he did. She nodded and continued “Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it.”

Only this time, unlike Bucky, there was no second chance. If calling what Bucky went through a second chance was really accurate that is…

“What?” Fury asked as Steve shook his head, a sad smile on his face.

“Nothing.” Steve said, “You just reminded me of someone.” “Anyone in particular?” “Peggy.” Steve sighed, looking around at the ruins of the compound. “Well there are worse people to be likened to.” Fury considered what Steve said for a moment before he changed the subject “I hear you and Nova have been busy these past 5 years, couple of kids...” “Yeah we do, boy and a girl.” Steve smiled as he looked at Fury, the thought of his children temporarily stemming the hollow feeling in his chest at the loss of his brother-in-law and friend. They were safe.

“You should go home.” Fury turned to Steve. “Be with them.”

“Is that an order?” Steve arched an eyebrow looking at him.

“You don’t work for you me anymore, you haven’t done for a long time…in fact I’m not sure you ever really did…” Fury said, smirking slightly. “And I don’t think you never will again.”

He gave Steve a significant look, one which Steve instantly understood. This was Fury’s way of relieving him from his leadership of the Avengers. It was symbolic more than anything because Steve didn’t need releasing from service at all. Fury wasn’t his boss, no one was his boss, but this was closure. It was Fury’s promising Steve he would never be called upon to fight again if that was what he chose.

And he did choose. He was ready to quit. 7 years ago when he had been forced into it he hadn’t been, not really, but now he was. His fight was done. He was buying that fucking holiday home, and they were going to be a normal family, that did normal things, in normal ways. Tony and Nat had both sacrificed their lives, and he wasn’t going to dishonour their memory by putting his family at risk ever again.

Captain America was done.

Steve looked down at his feet, before he glanced up at Fury, and held his hand out. “It’s been an honour.” he said, as Fury shook his hand. “But you’re right. It’s time for me to hang up my shield, for good this time. “ he looked down at the broken metal in his hand. “What’s left of it that is…”

“Or you could pass it down.” Fury said as Steve looked back at him, snorting.

“I think Jamie is a bit too young, and Katie would murder me if I even-”

“I don’t mean to your son.” Fury said, cutting Steve off and giving him significant look. “Captain America has been a symbol of hope for years. And that’s something the world is always gonna need Cap, regardless of who it is. So think about it, maybe there’s someone else worthy of that title and shield, broken or not.”

Steve watched, pondering his words, as Fury gave him a final nod, and turned back towards the destroyed buildings

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queerfables · 4 years ago

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Supernatural Liveblog (1x09 - 1x11)

Nothing in 1x09, but some mild wincest references in 1x10 and 1x11. Also at least one reference to me being thirsty for Dean in kinky situations.

1x09 - Home

While the lady goes down to the basement, N speculates on what it would be like to find a horse down there living on rats. This leads to a heated discussion about whether or not anything can digest rocks. N & I are distracted and miss the significance of the house - P has to tell us it's the Winchesters' old place. Thank goodness one of us wasn't thinking about horses.

Dean freaking out about not wanting to go home. P: I'm so proud of him, he's having a whole emotion Me: admittedly, the emotion is, “I’d like to repress everything please.” N: you have to start somewhere

Sam and Dean are both really clearly messed up over the fact that it's their old house involved and they're not really thinking clearly. N, P & I agree it's a solid story concept, we're impressed.

A plumber reaches into the garbage disposal and all three of us start screaming. For a moment it looks like he's going to keep his arm, he takes it out, but then he goes back in for round two and we’re yelling again and then it's all over.

P says xe are not into the mystical black woman vibes that are going on with Missouri, but xe thrilled that she’s dragging Dean so viciously

I totally called it that the on fire spirit was their mom

I'm interested in Sam's witchy psychic power story

N, on John Winchester: "Ooh, I'm macho and needlessly vague. My emotional manipulation is really self sacrifice".

N, still on John Winchester: First impressions are I hate him. P: Put that in your liveblog.

1x10 - Asylum

Between the episode title and the cold open set in an abandoned ~asylum, we're not off to a very good start. N keeps making snarky comments about ableism, and though they’re vaguely apologetic, they’re not actually sorry. "I'm just going to be incredibly scathing through this whole episode". P& I are on board

N: Why is there a biohazard symbol on that door. This is the WRONG TYPE OF HOSPITAL FOR THAT.

The police officer who went into the abandoned asylum goes home and shoots his wife. P: Well so he’s possessed then. Me: IDK, seems like pretty standard cop behaviour to me N: Supernatural said "Fuck cops" and it was right.

I wish Dean would listen to Sam and stop chasing his shitty dad. I feel bad for both of them, they deserve better ;_;

Sam poses as a patient to get info from a psychiatrist. He keeps asking questions instead of talking about himself until the psych calls him on it, and tells him to stop avoiding the question and say something real. "Like, say, this brother you're road tripping with. How do you feel about him?" Sam just stares at him. All of us burst out laughing. Me: That's a loaded question P: That's a loaded look!!

Back in the haunted asylum, the ghosts are getting way too close for comfort and Dean shoots them. P & N are very offended. “Maybe they just wanted a hug!” “Yeah, Dean, don’t be mean! Give the ghosts a hug.”

You wouldn’t believe it but that actually turns out to be a plot point.

They actually kind of subvert the evil mentally ill patients thing? I mean, it’s still pretty ableist but at least it framed the unethical doctor as the ultimate bad guy rather than the ~crazy people~

I love that the girl who was dragged on a ghost hunting expedition by her shitty boyfriend knows how to handle a gun and says that if they make it out alive they're so breaking up

The way the conflict between Sam and Dean plays out in this episode is really fun. I love when the monster of the week brings their actual interpersonal issues to the surface, like, this is literally the entire point of genre fiction as far as I’m concerned. Wacky situations and real emotions, sign me the fuck up.

1x11 - Scarecrow

Oh no, Sam and Dean are fighting, and Sam is like “Fuck this, I’m gonna hitchhike.” Boys no!!

Excuse me, the blonde girl who’s hitchhiking alongside Sam is just gonna get into that car? I am ENRAGED that whoever wrote this thinks ANY WOMAN would get into a car with a guy who says "No, just her" when faced with a dude and a lady trying to hitch a ride. NOT A CHANCE. I’m going to find the man who wrote this and fight him.

P wants everyone to know that Dean's car is very nice and xe are very glad it got to heaven

N & P are over identifying with the monsters. "He's just minding his own business, these guys are the ones trespassing!"

We're all yelling at Dean not to insult the scarecrow. We’re feeding him positive supportive lines he could use like, “Hey, Mr Scarecrow, what a good and important job you are doing here, you look very distinguished today” and the thing that comes out of his mouth is "Dude, you fugly." We are VERY UNIMPRESSED.

Dean talking about how much he misses Sam's puppy dog eyes sure is A Thing.

The phone call between Sam and Dean was very soft and good. Dean admits Sam is right to stand up to their dad!!! And says he admires him for it!!!

Me: Oh, I was really worried we wouldn't get to see Dean tied to a tree so I'm glad they delivered on that.

Oh hey she's THAT Meg. I guess I'd get into a car with a creepy dude too, if I knew I was gonna be the scariest thing in the vehicle. Okay, Supernatural, you win this round.

#Fable watches SPN

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moody-cowdaddy · 5 years ago

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That's The Way It Is

Arthur Morgan x Reader | Oneshot/Drabble #2

Summary: Everything comes to an end sooner, or later.

Category/Trigger Warning: Emotional Turmoil, Angst, Drama, Character Death.

A/N: This is really just a blurb/drabble. It's not part of an actual story or the imagines. I just wanted to write an emotional turmoil/devastating piece of what I think Arthur's last words to the reader would be.

××××

"And for you,

For you, I would brave the wolves,

And for you,

For you, I would sacrifice my heart.

Starting with the most obvious part,

That sad enough place has gotten me through the dark,

Dying just to reach you,

As the horizon fades,

The sun begins to rise."

××××

Things had gonna from bad to worse. On top of the Saint Denis bank heist going to shit - Hosea and Lenny were killed, and that was one of the biggest losses the group had ever taken, loosing one half of the gang's voices of reason, especially. It shifted the whole feeling of the group. To top that off, you had been sick out of your mind with worry when Arthur and some of the others, including Dutch, had been stranded on some island for weeks called Guarma. It took all you could do to hold your sanity together, out of your mind with worry wondering where he was.

But, when they all finally returned, safely, it gave the group just the smallest amount of hope for the moment, that maybe this whole situation could be beaten.. That was until the Pinkertons showed up again, so, the last few weeks had been nothing but running and running and running. You were low on places to go now, and there was an ominous feeling that hung over everyone's head.

That ominous feeling manifested itself for you when Arthur became extremely sick weeks prior. You all had noticed for a while that he had a terrible cough that seemed to only persist day by day, but with the way you were all stuck living, it just seemed maybe he was under the weather due to circumstances. Once he finally went to a doctor, nothing about it was good news. He had contracted the white plague itself - Tuberculosis.

You didn't want to believe him when he told you what his diagnosis was.

"There's nothin' that can be done?!" You pleaded with him.

He shook his head, coughing, "N-no, darlin'. Doctor gave me a shot to keep me goin'. Said I needed rest," he laughed as he said it, amused by the statement.

You pressed your hands to his face, tears forming in the corners of your eyes as you sat on his cot beside him. "This can't happen. Not now, not like this."

He placed a hand on your knee. "Things is about to change, (Y/N)."

"Yeah, an' not for the goddamn better, Arthur," you rasped, "Ya can't leave me." You laid your head over onto his shouler, a sense of dread filling you so completely that you thought you might pass out.

"I don't want to, y'know that, but y'gotta prepare yerself for the worst now. I still gotta take care'a you an' the rest'a these folks. So, I need ya to listen to me now, sweetheart." He turned to you, gently grabbing your face with his hands. "Dutch ain't the same no more, an' if you, or anybody else stays with him, y'ain't gonna survive another year. We had a real chance of gettin' outta here.. An' like'a fool, I was too blinded to see that he never wanted to. All this talk'a dreams an' goin' off to live on some goddamn island was a bunch'a bullshit. Dutch don't want outta this way of life. He never did."

"Runaway. Drop everythin' an' runaway with me now, Arthur. Please," you begged him with everything you had in you.

He looked at you longingly, like he wanted to say yes. His eyes that were once so bright and lively, were now bloodshot and weak. He was pale, and losing weight almost daily as the sickness grew inside of him as that tell-tale rattling in his chest became louder and louder.

He shook his head. "I can't. Not now, (Y/N). I gotta help these people. I gotta try an' help as best I can while I still got time. I'ma bad man, but I ain't gonna just run off an' forget my responsibilities. I gotta do what I gotta do to keep y'all safe."

"Then come with me after. I want a life with you, Arthur. I wanna do things right, an' I wanna stop runnin' for my life every goddamn day. I just want you. I wanna have your children, an' I wanna grow old with you in a place we can call our own." The tears streamed down your cheeks now as you looked up at him, still begging.

He squeezed your face in his hands. "I want that. I do. I want that more than anythin', sugar.. But when the time comes, y'gotta run an' don't look back. That means whether I'm with you, or not."

"But, Arthur," you growled.

"Promise me," he breathed, blinking at you with tears seeping from the corner of his own eyes.

"Arthur," you sobbed again, squeezing his shoulders.

"Just promise me, darlin'," his voice cracked as he spoke, "Or else all of this'll be for nothin'."

You glared at him, knowing that there was no real way to convince him otherwise. Once Arthur made up his mind about something, that was that. All you could do was sit here and nod your head, and try to accept that he wanted to do the right thing. It made your heart ache even more to know that he truly was a good man. You bellowed, throwing yourself onto him, burying your head deep into his chest. You closed your eyes tightly, the tears staining his shirt as you prayed to God to wake you up from this nightmare.

All you could do now was hold onto him and salvage the time that you had left.

~A few weeks later~

'When the time comes, you gotta run an' don't look back,' Arthur's voice rang through your memory.

In the last 2 weeks, the gang had completely fallen into ruin. Half of the members that had grown to become like family to you were dead now, and the other half had up and left. Dutch had gone completely mad, putting all of his trust and reliance into Micah, who turned out to be just what everyone else could see that he was - a rat. He had been the one sifting information to the pinkertons about the gang and their whereabouts, all along.

You, Arthur and John were on the run for your lives now. The Pinkertons were hot on your trail as you raced through the mountains east of the Grizzlies, trying your best to outrun them, but that had become harder and harder to do. They had surrounded the area, and as much as you wanted to escape, to go on and to live happy lives.. It really didn't look like that was a possibility anymore. Dutch had led everyone on for so long, and this was now the price of that.

Arthur looked back as you scaled up the side of one of the small mountains, overlooking the ground below to make sure that the Pinkertons weren't right on your tail for the moment. You closed your eyes tightly, fearing for the worst as you were coming to terms with the fact that this wasn't a fairytale, and every action had a consequence one that all of you would pay dearly for. There wasn't bound to be a happy ending for this story.

Arthur bowed over, gasping and breathing hard as he tried his best to gain some energy to keep going. He coughed wildly, spitting out blood onto the gravel beneath his feet. He pulled himself back up, looking to the ground below before he turned his gaze to you, taking a step closer.

"Push it, Arthur!" John encouraged him.

Arthur shook his head, "No. I think I pushed all I can."

"We ain't got time for this now," John urged to him.

Arthur put his hand up, silencing John as he looked at you. "(Y/n), darlin'. We can't choose our fate."

He looked over his shoulder, checking once more. You could hear the rattling deep down in his chest as he struggled to breathe, and you could hear the sounds of men far off in the distance as they tore the woods apart, searching for you. Arthur turned back to you again, the devestated expression becoming more and more pronounced on his tired, sickly face.

"Mine was laid out for me a long time ago," he continued, "I lived this life, an' I gotta answer for it now. I never gave it up. Not for Mary, not for my own good, an' not even for my boy. But since I met ya, it's left me wantin' to go back in time, an' made me wanna be a better man than I was. Maybe I wouldn't've went down this path like this. I wish i'da got the chance to do things different, an' I wish I coulda done it with you.." he coughed roughly, his breathe ripping through his swollen lungs like knives.

He laid a hand across his mouth. His breathing becoming more labored as he struggled to speak.

Tears began to fall down your cheeks as you squeezed his hands tightly. "Don't you talk like that, you still can. We can get outta here. Me and you."

He smiled weakly, shaking his head at you. "We ain't both gonna make it, (Y/N)."

"Arthur. Don't you dare." You glared at him.

The tears welled up so heavily in your eyes that he was just a blurry figure in your line of sight now. He pulled his hat off his head and placed it on top yours, along with pulling his satchel off of his shoulders to put it around your shoulders. This gesture from him made you gasp for breath, doing your best to hold back your desperate sobs.

"what I can make right is making sure you get the hell outta here and live your life. You're good, (Y/N). Too damn good for me, an' I was a lucky man to have ya for even a second," he said sincerely, pulling you into him to give you a hug.

You grabbed onto him tightly, digging your nails into his back as you buried your face into his chest. He had become more and more frail over these last weeks, and you could feel just how much he really had now. The Tuberculosis diagnosis had took a heavy toll on him, and he was terribly underweight. You cried into his chest, trying your hardest to savor this moment with him, hoping against hope that he'd change his mind and come with you. You loved this man more than anything in the world. You could hear the faint beating of his heart in his chest, it was almost drowned out by the sound of the sickness in his lungs.

The sounds of the men in the distance were starting to close in on you now.

"Go," he whispered, his voice cracking as he pulled your head back to look down at you. He gestured his head to you and John. "I'll hold 'em off "

"Arthur," John snapped, trying to persuade him to come with the two of you.

"John, I'm countin' on you to get her an' yerself outta here." He said, giving John the stern directions.

"Arthur Morgan," You growled so roughly through gritted teeth that you could feel it send a sharp pain through your vocal cords.

"Go," Arthur commanded louder to the both of you. He pointed at john. "Get the hell outta here an' be a goddamn man."

You frantically grabbed for Arthur's jacket, but he pulled you back by yours arms, forcing you to let him go. He looked down at you with tears in his own eyes now. "You told me once that were all gonna die someday, an' darlin', I'm sad to say that day is here for me. Even if I came with ya, I'd have a few weeks, maybe. Please, go an' live y'life for me. There'll be time for sorrow later, y'gonna be alright, girl."

"I can't lose you. You were it for me," you cried.

"An' you was for me, (Y/N). But they'd never stop chasin' us now, even if I wasn't already on my deathbed with this goddamn sickness. They want me an' Dutch dead. I love you, darlin'. More than anythin'."

"Let me stay," you pleaded, "John can escape. Let me stay here with you. Better I go out in a hail of bullets than to be without you."

He quickly shook his head at you. "You an' I both know I ain't gone let y'do that."

You gasped for your own breathe, the devastation was caving in on you quickly now. You had exhausted all of your options, none of them which he would let you go along with.

"I love you, girl. Just remember that," he said.

"I- I l-love you t-too," you stammered, crying so hard now that you could barely speak.

"You're my brother," John called out from behind you.

"I know." Arthur nodded, pulling away from you.

You still tried your best to hang onto him, in a last ditch effort to convince him, but John finally grabbed your arm, pulling you away, because you had no time left now. You tried to push him off, fighting and clawing at him as you screamed for Arthur, but he held you so tightly that all you could do was watch on in horror and complete despair as your whole world crumbled down in front of you as you saw the man you loved dying, trying to give you a better chance at life by sacrificing his own, but it was one that you couldn't imagine without him.

You dropped you your knees as you watched him go, with John's arms still wrapped around you to keep you in place. He pulled you up with all of his strength, throwing you onto his shoulder as he turned the opposite way to escape.

Arthur looked back at the both of you once more, exchanging a nod of goodbye before he turned and made his way back down the mountain towards the Pinkertons, his revolver in hand.

#arthur morgan #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan fanfiction #arthur morgan imagine #arthur morgan x reader #rdr2 fandom #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 imagine #red dead redemption 2 imagine #roger clark #rdr2 x reader #arthur morgan fanfic #arthur morgan x you #red dead redemption x reader #rdr2

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damienthepious · 5 years ago

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director's cut of the recorder scene in ch.11 and/or the braiding bit at the end of ch.12?

[Pick a short passage from any fanfic I’ve written specifically Scattered On My Shore today I’m being picky, and send it to me, and I’ll give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet]

faldskjfasdklf i already did part of the recorder scene but someone else also asked for the end of ch12 so i’m gonna do an earlier part of the recorder scene, yeah? yeah. that’ll work. After Arum confronts her, when she pulls her.. hrm. her counterpoint.

[“Skip ahead on the recorder,” she says. /// “What?” /// “Skip to entry four two one one. Should be… eighteen to twenty after the one you just played, I think.”] Rilla knows exactly what entry she wants him to hear. She knows the exact entry. That’s interesting, isn’t it? She doesn’t remember exactly what number entry Arum just played. But she knows the number of the one she thinks he should hear.

[“Why?” he snarls, ducking his head and clutching the recorder close against the bandages on his midsection.] Arum is perpetually suspicious, but he’s amping it up right now. He’s furious, he’s hurt, and now he’s fucking confused, because what the fuck else could she want him to hear? What does she think she can pull, to trick him again?

[“Because there’s something else you should hear, too. You heard what I said when I first found you. You should hear what I said after. If you really think that I’ve been using you for some sort of spy work, then the rest of it should interest you too, right?”] She’s trying to be matter-of-fact. She’s trying to do this without getting emotional herself (this will break down). This isn’t a fight. She just wants him to listen long enough that she can explain.

[He hesitates, his expression tightening. “Perhaps I have no interest in hearing myself cataloged, doctor.”] This could still be part of some trick. And. honestly. Hearing her like that in the first recording hurt. He didn’t realize how much he trusted her until it broke, and he doesn’t want to hear another recording of her speaking about him like he’s some animal.

[“Please. Just- listen to it. And then you can decide if you want to- I don’t know. How you want to proceed. But before you make any sort of decision, please- please just listen, Arum.”] If this breaks bad, Rilla doesn’t even know what that would mean. Will he start trying to leave, again? Will he just- shut down, emotionally? Will he just stop speaking to her entirely until he’s just well enough to slink out the door and disappear?

[Arum stares at her for another long moment, suspicious with a growl in his throat, and then he moves his thumb, sending the recording forward with a thin squeal of sound. He overshoots the start of the entry a little, and it cuts in just in the middle of a word.] Here’s something: Rilla doesn’t say please very often. It means something when she says it three times in one little speech. And Arum is curious, despite himself. Maybe a little morbidly so. How much worse could it be, he wonders. How much deeper can i push the blade. A lot of Arum’s impulses are vaguely self-destructive, that way.

[“-ter than that, and it seems like his frill is really starting to knit together properly. Finally. It’s been tricky since it’s only a half-conscious thing, the flaring, but- I mean, it’s hard to complain about. It’s always so funny when he gets indignant and it just- fwoops out like that and-”] The second recording is about a lot of things. First: contrast. It’s tonally opposed to the first one. It’s personal, instantly. It’s not cold, the way the other one was. She’s excited, she’s enthusiastic, she’s noting rather unscientific points. Also if you imagined Rilla making an absurd hand gesture when she says the word “fwoops”, you are correct. Also, I don’t know why Arum’s frill became a Thing in this fic.

Also, hilariously, I’m pretty sure that the first chapter, where cleaning it wakes him up, and this sentence, from this scene, were the first two things specifically about Arum’s frill that were written. Him perpetually exacerbating his cuts by flaring it came later.

[She laughs on the recording, breathless, and Rilla remembers this moment with exact clarity.] She remembers this moment with exact clarity. This was important. This was a shift. Off screen, which was kind of a Choice. I could point out when this happens, in the fic, but I’ll hold on to that, I think. Some of the ways that Rilla reacts to things give it away, a little bit. You could probably narrow it down if you tried.

[The door to his room had been cracked, she could just see half his face through the gap as he rested, the gentle light of early morning on his scales and his expression untroubled in sleep-] Love this image. Would sacrifice a limb to project the image i have in my mind into actual art.

[“He’s beautiful,” she says, and she still feels the little stunned swoop that realization had made her feel.] yeah.

[“He’s… I didn’t know a monster could be so beautiful. I didn’t know they could be funny either, honestly, or- or-”] … uh oh. Also, one sentence away from realizing that she thinks he’s beautiful, she’s already upgraded him to “so beautiful”. Also trailing off on those ‘or’s stops a little floodgate situation. she was about to ramble. she was about to go off. and she realized what she was about to start doing. Remember, in the courtroom scene, where she talks about Damien? “I love his stories and his smile! I love that he makes me see the beauty in the hard questions, even when they make me uncomfortable! I love that he makes me grow!”

she just caught herself about to do something similar. Uh oh, Rilla. Uh oh.

[There is a pause.] deep breath, Rilla

[“Saints…”] ………. so……….. I talked with Sky, a bit, about how there are very specific Moments in this fic. When characters Realize certain Things. I feel like it’s probably pretty obvious, actually… exactly what Rilla is realizing in this particular moment.

[Another pause. Quite long.] Cataloguing symptoms, perhaps. Or maybe just reeling. Hey I wonder what Arum is thinking right now? Hm.

[“He… um. He’s improving by leaps and bounds, now,” she says, her voice a little clipped, a little muted.] Back to business. She. she doesn’t have time to think about this, right now.

[“He can almost stand on his own, though it tires him out. He’s… soon he’ll be well enough to travel, I think. Which means we’re going to have to have another conversation, soon, about- about exactly how we’re gonna get him back home.”] She doesn’t have time. She’s gotta do her job, first.

[“And that shouldn’t… it shouldn’t hurt to think about that, should it?”] Oh, Rilla…

[“It’s good. It’s a good thing that he’s… soon he’ll be well enough to go home, to be free again, to go back where he belongs and rest and recover where he’ll be comfortable and safe, but-”] That’s been the goal. Hasn’t it? Make him well again. Save his life.

[A little half-laugh. /// “I’m gonna miss him, is the only thing.”] A partial admission, if not the whole thought. and it’s… ridiculous, isn’t it? She’s had long-term patients, before. Never a monster, obviously, but- [“I’ve gotten so used to having him around, and- and even if he’s always arguing about the methodology he’s been so- it’s been nice to have him around when I’m doing my experiments, I mean- it would have taken me ages to think of modifying my bandages with machracnid silk, and the improvement to the elasticity is- but that isn’t even the point, you know? He’s just- he’s-”] just realized i never checked the script to see if i spelled machracnid right whoops ahem. I love the way Rilla rambles when she gets distracted by a thought. Hey i loved Moonlit Hermit did y’all know that? fljdjdkfdk

[Less of a laugh.] These are not fun feelings to examine.

[“It’s almost time for him to go home. It’s the only way to keep him safe. The longer he stays here-”] All three of them are fiercely protective, aren’t they?

[“I know Damien won’t hurt him, not anymore. I think he’s seen it too, he’s seen how- how much- he’s seen Arum, really seen him. I know he has.”] Rilla isn’t quite as articulate as Damien, especially when it comes to emotions. Seen him. Acknowledged him as a person, is what she means. Which, not verbally he hasn’t, but she knows anyway. Rilla isn’t as perceptive as Damien when it comes to people, either, but she knows Damien. And Damien isn’t actually good at concealing what he feels, whether or not he speaks his heart.

[“But every day Arum stays here is another risk, is another chance that he’ll be seen or- and if that happens, then what? I don’t care what they do to me, I’m not afraid of them, but Arum- he’s still not strong enough to defend himself, and even if he was, what would he do against an armed squadron of knights? I wouldn’t be able to do anything to protect him, and- he- I can’t let that happen. I won’t. I won’t let the Citadel hurt him.”] Hm, looks like i echoed Arum’s canonical can’t/won’t again. I swear that wasn’t intentional. Again, fiercely protective. And all of this- it hurts, to think about Arum getting hunted by knights. Rilla knows if things go wrong, she’s not going to be able to do ANYTHING. And she hates feeling helpless.

[“So- so… so he has to go home. It doesn’t matter that I-”] IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT I- IT DOESN’T? RILLA. IT DOESN’T MATTER? [“it doesn’t matter how I feel. I have to get him home. He deserves- he-”] Getting him home and making sure that he’s safe is more important than her own feelings. Whatever feelings those are, exactly.

[“Amaryllis?”] this scene is the primary reason i want desperately to do a podfic of this whole thing, eventually. I know. I know the exact intonation of every part of this, but I can always just HEAR the voice Arum is using here, in my head. gentle and unhurried and expectant. fun fact: they fcukging care about each other and i’m soft

#Scattered meta #windmillcrusader #asks #elle's fanfic meta

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nat-20s · 5 years ago

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@brushes-of-sage prompted:

“I’d say just honest to goodness Ten and Donna fluff (or hurt/comfort, like the Doctor is sick or something and channeling his inner whiny child and Donna’s trying get him better whilst staying sane or something - it’s been done before but nothing better than more lol)”

this is...decidedly not that but it IS injured ten and hurt/comfort so close enough? Maybe? Anyway:

The Doctor wakes up with a soft bed underneath him, a sharp pain in his leg, and a hand holding his own. All in all, far from the worst way he’s ever come to. He hopes. Sort of depends on who’s on the other end of that hand, he could potentially be in quite a bit of trouble. Following the arm up, he finds that it’s attached to a rather bleary-eyed Donna. Definitely one of the better outcomes.

She’s staring off into the distance, not yet noticing that he’s conscious, so he squeezes her hand and says, “Hey.”

Whipping her head towards him, she blinks at him for a few moments, sucks in a breath and lets it slowly out, then asks, “How’re you feeling? Is your shoulder all right?”

The question strikes him as slightly odd, as he remembers breaking his leg before getting knocked out, but he can’t recall anything happening to his shoulder. Still, he replies, “Yeah, fine,” which earns, for some reason, earns him a quick smack to aforementioned shoulder. “Oi! What’re you going around thwacking an injured man for?!”

“I am thwacking said injured man for being a bleedin’ idiot! Again he sees a situation that he could work through in some other way and again he throws himself into the line of fire! I’m getting really tired of your self sacrificial attitude, mister.”

“I am not...that self sacrificial-,” is all he gets out before Donna is plugging on ahead in her light berating. “I mean, christ, it’s bad enough that you were walking for four miles on a broken leg you didn’t tell anybody about, but then you went and got yourself shot and I had no idea what the effect of that gun was and you didn’t wake up and you kept not waking up and even if I did have any sort of medical knowledge fat lot of good it would do on a time lord and I had no idea if you were going to come back or regenerate or just die and I was helpless to do anything about it and and-”

The Doctor sits bolt right, suppressing the wince caused by jostling his leg, and takes Donna’s hand back. “Woah woah woah. Taking me back to the TARDIS was the right call, I’m all right! See, all in one piece! Just a stun blast and a broken leg.”

Donna doesn’t quite manage to suppress all of her sniffling, but she does manage to give a half-hearted glare at him when she replies, “Oh just a broken leg, like that means anything. For all know about your stupid alien body Time Lords might be like horses.”

“Horses? How?”

The glare fell away to something more settled and conversational. The Doctor liked settled and conversational. Less risk of being shouted at. “If a horse breaks its leg you have to put it down.”

“Wait, really? Why? Seems a bit harsh.”

“I don’t know! Do I look like I run an ranch? Just something I heard from Hettie.”

“Never went through a horse phase?”

“Was always more of an astronomy kid myself. Having a granddad with a telescope and a healthy imagination will do that. Made me kind of the odd one out at age 12, let me tell you.”

The Doctor gives her a soft smile at that, unable or maybe just unwilling to disguise the fondness in his voice as he says, “Seems like that worked out pretty well in the end.”

Some of the tiredness drains from her features as she matches his affection with her own. “Yeah, ‘spose it’s not half bad, is it?”

They spend a few minutes in silence, both ruminating while Donna rubs her thumb along the knuckle of his own. The Doctor is in the middle of wondering whether the TARDIS was put in idleing mode or if she’s actually taking them somewhere when Donna pipes up, not looking at him, with a disconcerting set to her jaw. Her thumb freezes as she says, “You know, when I turned the offer to travel with you the first time, I said it was because you terrify me. Which, okay, you can in fact actually be rather fearsome when you want. Still not a fan of that, by the way. But what was really terrifying was not just that you were willing to take revenge, but that you were willing to die for that revenge, completely unnecessarily. I think I knew, even then, that if I was going to travel with you, that you were going to become my best friend. I also knew that there was a not insignificant chance that awful things were going to happen to you, and I was going to have to watch, and I can’t imagine anything more horrifying than that.

Now I’ve watched you throw yourself into so many situations that hurt you. When we fought off that psychic blob thing at the infinite hotel? When you shot yourself with the time reavers? When you went and tried to blow yourself up on the Sontaran’s ship? These sort of things are happening frequently that I have to wonder whether….”

Donna looks at him again, searching for something in his face that he most likely can’t provide. “Whether what?”

Donna tilts her head in a way that at first registers as pity, but quickly reveals to be pure and simple worry. “Whether you just happen to have some of the worst luck in the universe or if you’re actively seeking out ways to make yourself suffer.”

He wants to instantly refute, tell her “no, of course not, it’s just circumstance,” but lying to her is useless and to himself even more so. But it’s also not like he’s trying to die, not right now. That wouldn’t be accurate either, as he’s quite genuinely the happiest he’s ever been in a while. So, he goes for what he thinks, or at least hopes, is most honest, even if it’s not really...an answer. “I just. I need to help people Donna. I need to protect them. I can’t...I can’t continue to watch people sacrifice themselves for me, continue to get hurt in my place. If that means that getting shot or stranding myself or even dying, then so be it. Better than the alternative.”

Her gaze doesn’t move. There’s a good 20 seconds where his words rest between them. And then Donna says, “Well that’s tough. Because if it comes down to me or you I know who I’m choosing.”

“And that’s fine! I understand, I mean, your granddad would kill me if I ever-”

“No.”

“No?”

There’s not a hint of humor in Donna’s expression when she tells him, “It’ll be you. You’ll be the one to make it out. I mean, that’s always been true, right? That whole immortality thing gave you the leg up from the beginning. When I say that I’m planning to travel with you forever, I’m talking about my forever. I’m not watching you die, that’s part of the agreement.”

The Doctor feels his hearts start to beat in double time, but whether it’s with an instinctive fury at the concept of Donna dying or incredulity at what she’s saying, he’s can’t say for sure. “Well I’m not letting you sacrifice yourself for me. Absolutely not. I won’t allow it.”

“Too bad! ‘Allowing it’ has nothing to do with it! If you’re in the line of fire I’m gonna be right there with you, and the only way you’re gonna stop it is to not try and get yourself shot in the first place.”

The Doctor glares at her, and she matches it for a few moments before sighing and saying, “’Sides. You can’t...you can’t atone for things in the past by destroying yourself. Not that I’m saying you’re doing that, but if you are, well, it doesn’t work. Moving forward, putting as much good into the universe as long as you can , I think that’s the way we have to go. At the very least we have to be around to do damage control, right?”

He glares for a few more moments but the fight leaves him just as quickly. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ll try. Harder. To not get myself hurt or dead. I can’t promise it’ll never happen but. I can do better.”

Donna positively beams at him, and it’s frankly ridiculous how much better it makes him feel. “That’s all I ask. So, how long does it take for a time lord leg to heal?”

The Doctor gives a one shoulder shrug and tells her, “Couple of hours.”

“Liar.”

“Fine. Couple of days.”

“Well then. Sounds like time for a movie marathon.”

And marathon some movies they did.

#donna noble #nat drabbles #nat talks doctor who #more feelings and nonsense? it's more likely than u think

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7-wonders · 6 years ago

Text

Sacrificial Lambs

Summary: What you thought was just going to be an event to meet the members of Michael’s Satanic church turns into a ritual sacrifice, followed by your unofficial ‘dark’ baptism. As any normal person, you don’t take the murders of two innocent people well.

Word Count: 2745

Author’s Note/Warnings: Warnings first! Sacrifice, murder, blood, knives, Satanism, and I think that’s it? This one is really dark, and it’s pretty angsty. I’m really not good at ending stories, so the ending might be kind of shitty but it’s chill. I literally got this idea, couldn’t stop thinking about it and binge-wrote it in a span of two hours, so it might be a little rough. Story will be under a cut since there’s so many potential triggers. Requests are OPEN and feedback is always appreciated!

The church is silent, save for a few whispers from the congregation as they find their seats. You look out across the sea of black and red, heavy cloaks swishing along the concrete floor. You feel like you’re intruding on a sacred part of these people’s lives, which you guess you kind of are. Although you’ve been ‘involved’ with the Antichrist for months now, having found him weak and dehydrated in the middle of the sidewalk, this is the first time you’ve seen him in his element and surrounded by his people. You were wary of coming when he asked you, but he explained that this is a special occasion and his father had specifically requested that you come along. Seeing as how you can barely say ‘no’ to door-to-door salesmen, there’s really no way you could have turned down a request from Satan himself.

Standing on top of the raised pulpit, the situation almost reminds you of some extremely weird, Satanic wedding. You’re waiting for Michael to make his grand entrance, feeling entirely out of place standing in front of all of these devoted believers. You haven’t even sold your soul, Michael assuring you that you wouldn’t have to; your soul (figuratively) belonged to him, just as his belonged to you. With the way that they’re all staring at you, it feels a lot like they just know that you don’t belong here.

When the large doors swing open, the believers stand right away. Michael easily commands the room as he makes his way forward through the crowd. His own cloak is fastened by a silver pentagram, one that you had helped him with before you arrived. A hint of a reassuring smile appears on his face when he sees you, quickly morphing back into a stone cold facade after he’s sure that you got his little message. When he reaches the pulpit, he brushes his hand against yours, assuming his spot in the center of it all.

Eyes are drawn to him easily like moths drawn to a flame, his ability to control large crowds with just his presence one of his many gifts. With one last glance back to you, he decides that he’s kept his followers waiting long enough.

“Thank you all for making it here tonight. As I’m sure you’re aware, tonight is a very special occassion. My father has spoken to me, telling me what he requires of me.” The room is silent as Michael holds a pause, hiding a smirk at their eager eyes. “Sacrifice, my dear believers, is the foundation on which Satan will bring about the end of days.”

Your blood runs cold and your ears start to ring as the followers cheer wildly. Michael basks in their enjoyment of his proclamation, but you can’t help but to be alarmed. On some level, you know that the ‘sacrifice’ is going to be people, but you’re really hoping it’s just a pretty meta way to ask for donations. When the crowd starts jeering at you, you realize that they think you’re the sacrifice, an unwilling lamb led straight to slaughter.

Am I the sacrifice? You think uneasily, suddenly regretting every decision that’s led you to this point. Have I really been so stupid?

Michael senses your sudden fear and quiets the audience. “Now, I’m sure you’re all very eager for the sacrifice to commence, but first…” He holds out a hand for you, which you tentatively grasp. Guiding you to stand next to him, he gives your hand a quick squeeze of affection. “This is (Y/N). My father guided me to find her; my equal, the one to help me fulfill his plans. My Lilith.” He says proudly, eyes sparkling.

It’s very sweet that Michael is showing his devotion to you in front of the church, but you still can’t get over the whole sacrifice thing. Your stomach is churning right now, a combination of love for Michael, fear of what’s going to happen next, and anxiety over standing in front of a large crowd.

“Tonight, as per my father’s instructions, (Y/N) will be baptized in Satan’s name, using the blood of those killed with my own hand.” It feels like you’re going to faint, the voices echoing through the room sounding like you’re hearing them from underwater. The ‘chapel’ spins around you as you try to get enough air and digest what’s happening. None of this was in the plan. You thought that tonight was just going to be some sort of a meet-and-greet, not being doused in the blood of an innocent person in order to fulfill Satan’s wishes.

Two people are led out from a back room, a man and a woman clad only in their undergarments. They’re shaking as much as you, their mouths covered with duct tape and their hands restrained behind their backs. You should help to free them, try and make an escape into the cool night, but you know what Michael’s capable of doing when he doesn’t get his way. He starts to explain their so-called ‘sins’ to the ravenous group. The man is a part of Doctors Without Borders, the woman a humanitarian. The fact that these selfless acts are seen as transgressions of the highest kind has your knees shaking even more. You volunteer often, whether it be at the library or an animal shelter. Had it not been for a chance meeting, would this have been your fate? Your punishment for choosing to help those in need?

When the knife with the intricate handle is passed through both necks in one quick slice, the Satanists fall silent, so in ecstasy at witnessing this sacrifice that they can make no sounds. What starts as a slow trickle of blood soon turns into a fountain, pints of blood being released with each desperate beat of their hearts. Before now, you hadn’t been aware that slit throats could spatter blood so far. With the blood that covers you more and more with each passing second, that assumption has quickly been proven wrong. Your once-beautiful satin lilac dress is now stained dark red. There’s blood all over your face and neck, quickly congealing into a sticky paste. It’s disgusting, and if you weren’t currently frozen like a deer in headlights you’re sure you would be retching.

Once Michael’s satisfied that both have been thoroughly drained of life, he carelessly tosses the bodies to the side. They fall against one another in a heap, skin already paling from lack of blood. You can’t tear your eyes away from the woman’s, her wide-open eyes still showing the last remnants of fear she felt while on Earth. The man you love stands in front of you, the murders he’s just committed giving his skin an ethereal glow. His hands are dripping in the dark blood and he brings a finger up to his mouth, sucking the liquid off with a salacious moan. He beckons you towards him with a carnal grin. You’re not sure if you move of your own will or if he compels you, but you eventually find yourself on your knees.

It’s a position you’re not unfamiliar with, but you’ve never been in this particular situation before. Your hands rest on your lap as you lean back on your heels, staring up at Michael. Every primal part of your being is screaming at you to run, to get out while you still can and escape the carnage, but something else has you entranced with the man above you. His eyes are blown wide, a mixture of enjoyment and lust causing them to dilate so much. He leans down slightly, swiping a long finger through the pool of blood gathering on the floor. His lips move with a question, but your brain doesn’t decode what he says. You nod anyways, hoping to get this over with fast.

Michael’s finger come up and you flinch slightly. It’s not enough to make him stop fully, but he does pause momentarily. He continues speaking, words that you’re not able to hear but that have the congregation enraptured. You squeeze your eyes shut as he paints something on your forehead. You don’t know if it’s a sigil, an upside-down cross, a pentagram, or just a random squiggle, but the odd warmth of the blood has you choking back a gag. When you open your eyes, you see a flash of something demonic. Michael’s beautiful, sun-kissed face is now ghostly white with cracks marring the flesh. His eyes are completely black and soulless, not at all the eyes that you’ve fallen in love with. It’s over in a split second, but it’s enough to have you blacking out, falling back onto the ever-growing pile of bodies.

You come to seconds later, but by then Michael already has transmutated you home. Your cozy little apartment is in stark contrast to the gothic architecture of the Satanic Church you were just in, which has your head reeling. Michael’s face is back to normal, and he’s softly smiling at you.

“Hey, sorry about that. I know, it’s a little intense for most people.” Your ears are still ringing, but you can at least hear what he’s saying now.

“Y-y-you killed them?” You whisper, voice bubbling up past the blockage in your throat. Michael’s eyebrows wrinkle in confusion.

“Yes. It was a ritual sacrifice. It’s just business, (Y/N), they would have died anyways.” Your eyes travel down your own body, inspecting the dried blood that cakes your arms and upper torso.

“Are you g-g-gonna kill me too?” You ask, eyes wet with tears. Michael suddenly picks up on the shakes that are wracking your body. Although he’s never been around people who are terrified of murder, he’s still aware that most ‘normal’ people react in this way, going into a state of shock after witnessing someone’s life being torn away from them.

“My love, why would I ever kill you?” He asks you earnestly, taking your hands in his in an attempt to stop the shaking.

“Because I like to-to volunteer, I’m just like the people whose blood is on m-me.” Your brain finally catches up to your eyes, and you fully realize that there’s blood all over you. “Oh god, Michael get it off of me. Get it off, get it off, get it off!” Your voice raises to a shrill shriek as you stand, clawing at your own skin desperately. Your back is being wracked with sobs when Michael wraps his arms around you.

“Shh, it’s okay, we’re going to get you cleaned up.” He has to drag you towards the bathroom, your limbs locked with fear while you try to process everything. Michael leaves you sitting on the closed toilet while he gets the shower running. When he’s satisfied with the temperature of the water he pulls you up.

“Arms up.” He commands softly, helping you to strip out of your ruined dress and undergarments. Michael feels a moment of shame at the rush of arousal that floods him when he sees your naked body covered in blood, the fuckboy demon in him, the one that gets off on blood and destruction and carnage, apparently skirts around the fact that you’re violently shaking in fear. He rids himself of his own bloody clothes, watching with concern as you stare in the mirror.

Your fingers are tracing the pentagram that’s drawn on your forehead. The blood had dripped down the bridge of your nose, reminding you of the fake blood everybody uses during Halloween. Michael gently touches your shoulder, noticing the way you shy away from him.

“C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.” You’re numbly led into the shower, needing to prop yourself against the wall as your conscious self escapes to another world, desperate to compartmentalize and quickly deal with what happened so you can get on with your life.

Michael’s surprisingly gentle with you, removing the shower head so that he can properly run the water over your body. The drain below you swirls with the red-tinted water, and you watch quietly as the blood flakes off of your body. He does everything for you; washes your hair with the coconut-scented shampoo he absolutely loves smelling on you, makes sure there’s absolutely no blood left on you, and wipes your face clean of the sign that had previously been there. He’s far less gentle with himself, preferring to get everything off quickly so that he can devote his care to you.

He wraps you in a fuzzy towel before disappearing into the bedroom, presumably to grab pajamas. You find yourself staring in the mirror again. Even though you’re completely clean, you can still feel the stickiness of the blood like it had just been spilled on you. You jump when Michael appears behind you in the mirror, clothes in his hands.

“It’s okay, it’s just me.” He soothes you, placing your clothes on the counter. “Do you need help?” You shake your head, feeling a little better, and quickly dress yourself. The covers on the bed are already turned down when you make your way into the bedroom, and you allow yourself to fall onto the mattress. Michael settles in beside you, pulling the blankets up over the both of you.

“Michael?” You ask after a few minutes. You had just been laying in silence, listening to Michael hum an unfamiliar tune as he combed your hair out.

“Yes?”

“Did...did I sell my soul on accident?” You ask. Michael places the comb down on the nightstand, settling back against the pillows so he can pull you against him.

“No. Do you remember what happened?”

“I saw what was going on, but I couldn’t hear. At some point during all of that my hearing just cut out, all I could hear was ringing.” Michael frowns slightly, pressing a kiss to your still-wet head.

“It was just something signifying that you’re loyal to me and to my father’s cause. I’m sorry that it ended up like this.”

“Did you know that you were going to sacrifice people tonight? Is that why your father wanted me there?” Michael stills for a moment before nodding.

“Yes. It was meant to be your introduction as my one and only partner to the congregants.”

“Did your father tell you I would react like this?” You question.

“He wasn’t sure what would happen. There were a few different ways this could have gone, so he prepared me for all of the possibilities.”

“I don’t ever want to see you kill people in front of me like that again.” You speak sternly. Michael opens his mouth to argue before closing it and simply nodding. “I’m serious. Don’t you dare say that I’ll get used to it or anything like that, because I won’t. I’m not going to kill people. I’ll support you in everything you need to do as you follow this path, but I will not kill and I will not watch you kill. And if you spring something like this on me again, I won’t hesitate to leave you. I don’t care if we are bonded, I won’t tolerate feeling how I felt tonight.” You lecture. You know you shouldn’t be too harsh with him, but your emotions are running completely haywire right now and you can’t really control yourself.

“I won’t. I’m sorry you had to see that, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Michael apologizes. Michael is not the type of person to apologize, and you had to teach him quite a few manners that his family had neglected when you first found him. Your body’s exhausted, and Michael can tell. “Do you need help falling asleep? I can do a simple sleeping spell.” He offers. You almost decline, having had enough of magic and demons and Satan for the day, but everytime you close your eyes all you can see are the corpses staring back at you.

“Would you, please?” Michael nods, muttering a few words in a language that you don’t understand. Sleep falls on you slowly, like a warm blanket, but when it does it’s hard to resist the call. Michael urges you not to fight it, stroking your hair and calmly whispering to you as your eyes fall heavier. You can’t forgive him for what he did, not yet, and you probably won’t be able to forgive him for a few days. You will, however, still love him no matter what.

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