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sjsmith56 · 5 months ago

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Assignment Bucky Barnes, Chapter 15 - December 1941

Summary: Even though she knows it is coming, the attack on Pearl Harbor sends Ariel reeling. When Bucky gets his draft notice it’s almost more than she can bear.

Length: 4.5 K

Characters: Bucky, Ariel, Steve, Merton.

Warnings: Declaration of war, feelings of helplessness.

Author notes: Stepping away from canon with this chapter as the engagement changed Bucky's timeline slightly. Instead of Bucky being in art school with Steve (who continues to work at the diner) he continues to work on the docks, taking overtime whenever it is offered so he can build a nest egg, enough for a down payment on a brownstone. Like many men he believed in practical solutions to emotional matters.

<<Chapter 14

All day Ariel had been acting strange. She went out with Bucky in her uncle's van to purchase a Christmas tree for their apartment. After Bucky and Merton taught her to drive it in the fall she wanted to drive in the snow and ice, even though she was still not quite used to the driving conditions. Bucky looked at her uncle, trying to get his support for him to drive instead but he shrugged.

"Let her drive, Bucky," he said. "If she crashes the van, you can say you told me so. She does need the experience."

Trying not to grip the dashboard every time the van swayed a little in the slippery streets they finally arrived at a Christmas tree lot which was doing a booming business. Together they walked through the assortment until they found one that Ariel liked, a 6 foot spruce tree. Getting the operator's attention Ariel asked how much it cost.

"$1.25," he said.

"Last year they were 75 cents," protested Ariel.

"That was last year," he replied. "A five foot tree is still 75 cents whereas a six foot tree is a dollar and a quarter now. Them's my rates and you won't find it any cheaper at any of the other lots."

He was approached by a noisy family trying to find their tree and left Ariel standing there fuming.

"It's a nice tree," said Bucky. "I think it's worth what he's asking."

"Who asked you?" snapped Ariel then her face softened. "Sorry, I don't know what's bothering me but it's not you. It is a nice tree, isn't it? Look how full it is. I'll take it."

Bucky got the eye of one of the attendants and Ariel paid him for the tree. The man wrapped it with a cord then together he and Bucky loaded it into the back of the van. Ariel got behind the wheel and started the vehicle. Carefully she backed it out of the parking lot then headed towards the apartment.

"You going to help decorate it?" she asked. "I can make us some egg nog with rum."

Bucky smiled. "I'll help. Ma and Rebecca did ours yesterday while Dad and I worked overtime. The Navy put in an order for more destroyers and they're hiring on at the shipyard. By the scuttlebutt at the shipyards and at the docks they're pretty certain there's going to be a war with Japan. If that happens I might get my draft notice very soon."

Ariel said nothing, concentrating on the roads. She felt Bucky's hand on her shoulder, squeezing it and she knew he was trying to reassure her. It took all of her concentration not to blurt out that the attacks by the Japanese were already hitting Pearl Harbor. Finally, she turned onto the street where the store was and pulled into the spot in front. She could see Merton helping a customer inside. It was risky for him because of the blue laws prohibiting the opening of stores on Sundays but most of the shops in the neighbourhood did as several were run by Jewish people who closed on their Sabbath day, Saturdays, instead. Merton only did it in December to help Christmas sales. Steve was helping him as it was his day off from the diner.

"I'm going to ask Steve if he wants to stay for supper and help decorate the tree," she said to Bucky as she got out of the driver's side.

"Sure, I think he'd like that," said Bucky. "See if Merton can help me get this tree upstairs." He laughed for a moment. "Reminds me of when I hauled your trunk upstairs the day you arrived."

Ariel kissed him on the cheek and went into the store. The bell attached to the door alerted both Merton and Steve to her arrival. She waited while both men helped their customers. Finally Merton was free and he came out from behind the counter.

"Do you need help with the tree?" he asked.

Ariel nodded, gave him the van key, and he got his jacket on, asking her to cover for him. She waited as Steve finished with his customer and sent them off then he looked at her and grinned.

"It's been busy today," he said. "Almost as busy as the diner. Did you get a nice tree?"

"Yeah, I probably spent too much on it," she replied. "Do you want to stay for supper and help decorate it?"

"Sure, if you don't mind," he said. "I've been too busy to get my own."

Merton came back into the store with Bucky and she told him that Steve was staying for supper and to help decorate the tree. Suddenly a man came bursting through the door; he owned a business a couple of doors down.

"Turn the radio on," he said breathlessly. "The Japanese have attacked Pearl Harbor in Honolulu."

Immediately Merton turned on one of several radios he had for sale in the store. He tuned it to several stations before he found one that had the bulletin. It had just turned 2:30 in the afternoon.

"President Roosevelt has announced a Japanese air attack on the naval base at Pearl Harbor in Hawaii. There are also unconfirmed reports of attacks on the Philippines, Guam, and Wake Island as well as British held territories in Malaya, Singapore and Hong Kong. It is expected that both Houses in Washington will convene in the next 24 hours to formally declare war on Japan and its allies. Stay tuned for further information."

A soft sob broke out of Ariel's throat and Bucky immediately put his arm around her, holding her close. Other than the sounds of her crying none of them said anything as music returned to the station.

"Bucky, why don't you take Ariel upstairs?" asked Merton finally. "There's scotch in the cupboard. I think she could use a stiff drink. We'll be up shortly."

He nodded and led Ariel out of the store and up the stairs. Inside, he helped her take her boots off then her coat. Leading her to sit on the sofa in the parlour he put a throw on her, which Rosie immediately jumped on, settling herself on Ariel's lap. Going to the kitchen he found the scotch and poured them each some, then came to the couch and lifted her onto his lap, forcing Rosie to sit beside them. Holding her glass, he encouraged her to have a sip then he held her closely as she whimpered slightly.

"Ariel," he whispered.

She shook her head. "Don't talk, just hold me," she answered, pressing her forehead into his cheek.

They were still sitting there when Merton and Steve came up. Bucky smiled grimly at them. He felt helpless, knowing nothing he said would comfort her. The thing she feared openly had happened and it meant he would have to leave her behind in the foreseeable future. Why now? Why did the Germans and the Japanese have to stir things up and interrupt everyone's lives? Steve sat next to them on the couch and idly stroked Rosie's back while Merton started the oven up and took a casserole out of the icebox that Ariel made earlier in the day. He would have turned the radio on, but the attack was on all the channels now, dominating the airwaves. Even though it was history to him he still felt the sting of disbelief that the world had turned very dark. It was a very solemn dinner and Ariel excused herself after to go to bed, leaving the Christmas tree undecorated. As the two young men left the apartment Steve looked up at his friend.

"Do you think they'll send the draft notices out right away?"

Bucky nodded. "Probably by the end of the week." They walked in silence for a few minutes then he opened up to his smaller friend. "You know Ariel saw this coming, last year even. I thought she was being silly. We argued about it."

"We have to stand up to them," replied Steve. "The Germans and the Japanese. I hope the training we've done makes me strong enough to go."

"I'll go but you shouldn't get your hopes up," said Bucky. "Besides, I need you to watch Ariel for me. I trust you with her."

"You don't think I'll pass the physical, do you?" Steve had a harsh edge to his voice. "Why do you always say I can't do things? You don't think I'm man enough to fight?"

They stopped under a street light and Bucky looked up to see small snowflakes blown by the slight breeze in the glow. He didn't want to be angry at Steve but it just seemed like the guy didn't see the big picture.

"I know you are man enough," he replied finally. "I just don't get why you're all keen to go. You have this heroic idea about what war is and it's not. My Dad and I have talked, and war is brutal. You're pushed to your limits and you still have to keep going because your fellow soldiers are counting on you, even when you're cold, hungry, wet through, and every part of you is screaming for rest but you don't dare because the enemy could attack at any moment. I don't want any of it but I'll go because it's my duty, nothing more, nothing less. I'll go even though the woman I love is terrified I won't return and she'll be left alone with a broken heart."

He began to walk again and Steve watched him before running to catch up. Scratching behind his ear he thought about what Bucky said, realizing that his friend was afraid because he had a lot to lose, his parents, his sister, and Ariel if something happened to him. It was certain that Bucky would pass his physical and likely begin basic training in the New Year. Steve knew deep down that his chances of passing the physical weren't good but he was still going to try. For just once in his life he wanted to be able to say he mattered.

Draft notices were sent out starting that week and although Bucky and Steve didn't receive theirs right away there were younger men in the neighbourhood who did and they went down to the enlistment centre to report in. An announcement was also made expanding the draft to men aged 35 to 64 and Merton found himself in line to register for it. He felt quite out of place amongst the young men who were waiting to volunteer. When he gave the corporal in the recruiting centre his information the man smiled and looked up at Merton.

"Don't worry, Gramps, there's millions of younger men who'll go ahead of you first. Your country thanks you for showing up, all the same."

It was a surreal experience registering and he recorded the whole experience with a button camera, then wrote up a notation of the process. Ariel smiled at him later when he related his registration process then hugged him.

"I'm glad they'll pick the younger ones over you, Merton," she said. "I would hate to lose you. Does that mean your other resident historians may be drafted? How does that work if they're chosen for the service?"

He looked pensive for a few moments. "I don't really know," he finally admitted. "Perhaps the Guild gives us something that affects our blood pressure or heart rates so that we're declared 4F. It's not like we have lots of qualified people waiting in the wings to take over. Will was young to be a resident historian but he was an early college graduate at just 19 and proved himself with several difficult assignments before he was 32, which is when he was assigned here. Most are well into their 40s before they're assigned a resident historian status."

Ariel tilted her head listening to the older man, learning something new. "How many assignments did you complete before your first residency?"

"Let me think, my first was when I was 22, in San Francisco during the Gold Rush years, a fascinating time. I did a similar one in the Yukon in 1897, posing as a government inspector. Did you know the Canadian government required anyone coming there to have a ton of supplies to last the winter? They had to carry it all in before they were allowed to begin searching for gold. By 1899 most of those people switched their sights to a gold rush in Nome that was easier to get to. I requested a warm weather assignment and was placed in Hawaii in the late 1800s. Beautiful place, beautiful people who didn't deserve how they were treated." His face reddened and he looked embarrassed. "Sorry, I got lost in the memories. I did at least a dozen assignments as a regular historian before I took a sabbatical and did research on Montana for my first resident historian assignment. Brooklyn was my second residency."

"Has it been worth it?" she asked. "Were you able to have relationships or were you always alone?"

"I was alone for most of it but I did have relationships during my sabbatical," he replied. He looked away then looked at Ariel again, smiling. "I've been in the presence of many fine people, working hard lives for little to no recognition. In a way, I'm the only one who recorded their contribution to history, so yeah, it was worth it."

Ariel wondered if there was more he wasn't saying but she didn't press the matter. When Peri first confirmed that this assignment was hers she described Merton as one of the best resident historians the Guild ever had. By the way Peri hugged him she wondered if they were also friends, not just colleagues. Certainly he had helped Ariel navigate her way through this deep cover assignment, the first one the Guild had ever attempted, deliberately allowing an actual emotional relationship to form with a subject. She didn't want to let anyone down, knowing how much rode on her work and the monograph she would produce about James Buchanan Barnes in the pre-war years.

Mrs. Barnes telephoned to invite both Ariel and Merton to Christmas dinner at their house. Once again Ariel offered to help with the cooking. This time Bucky's mother accepted the help and invited her over so they could plan the meal together and divide up the tasks. Now that Ariel and Bucky were engaged Merton suggested they get gifts for everyone and together he and Ariel were able to acquire some unique items that would fit the bill.

On Tuesday, the 23rd of December, Ariel was working as the Library would be closing at noon on her regular work day, the 24th. It would also be closed after Christmas until the following week. As she finished her shift at 5 o'clock she noticed Bucky waiting for her in the vestibule. It puzzled her because he usually worked extra hours on the dock, often until 6 or 7 o'clock. When she approached him, all bundled up for the walk home she could see he was nervous and she suddenly felt an icy feeling in her stomach.

"Why are you here?" she stammered. "Why aren't you working?"

He took her by the hand and exited the door. "I didn't work today. I was at the induction centre, getting my physical and my psychological tests." Ariel froze and Bucky sighed, grasping both of her hands. "I'm 1A, and I'm to report for transport to boot camp in Wisconsin on Monday, January 5. They have a train leaving from Grand Central Station after lunch that day."

Withdrawing her hands from his Ariel stepped backwards several feet, almost stumbling. Bucky reached out to steady her but she shrunk away from him. Her mouth was open in disbelief and her eyes began to fill with tears.

"Ariel, you've always known this would happen," he said softly. "It's sooner than I expected but it will still be a while before I go overseas. There's at least 12 weeks of training, then they'll divide us up for further training in specific areas. It could be a year or more before I'm sent overseas, and I'll be home on leave several times. We could get married, be together."

"No, I don't want to marry you anymore," she cried out, pulling her left glove off, and trying to pull the engagement ring off her finger.

Bucky stepped forward, grasping her hand. "Don't take it off, please," he begged. "We don't have to get married if you're not ready but if you took that ring off it would break me. Please don't."

It was his eyes glistening under the light of the streetlamp that stopped her, and she surrendered herself to his arms, both of them clasped tightly together in the darkness of the early winter evening. On the walk home he kept his arm tightly around her shoulders, trying to give her as much support as he could. When they arrived at the store they could see Merton inside, finishing with one last customer.

"Should we tell him together?" asked Bucky. "You don't have to come in with me. I haven't even told my parents yet."

"Alright," replied Ariel after some deliberation. Before they went inside she took her hand out of her glove and placed it on his face. "I'm sorry for my reaction. I'll try to be more supportive but you know it's hard for me to get past my fear."

"I know." He smiled slightly and kissed her gently. "It'll be alright. I have a feeling that we'll be okay."

They entered the store and Merton looked up to acknowledge them. When he saw Ariel's face he knew something was wrong, but he focussed his attention on the customer and finally got them to commit to the sale. After he rung them up and packaged their purchase, he escorted them out the door, locking it and turning the open sign to closed. He began to pull down the blinds and smiled at Bucky when he helped. Ariel stayed by the counter.

"What's going on?" asked Merton, walking towards the counter.

"I had my physical and psychological evaluation today," said Bucky. "I go for boot camp in early January, in Wisconsin."

"I thought it was something like that," replied Merton, placing his hand on Ariel's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"No, but there's nothing I can do about it," she answered diplomatically. "Let me help you tally your receipts. Bucky still has to tell his parents."

"What about Steve?" asked Merton. "Did he get called in for his physical?"

"Tomorrow," said Bucky. "He won't pass. I've been training him for months but he was so sickly when he was younger it's like his body just won't accept the benefits of physical work. He's gained all of a pound and can barely lift 20 pounds in weights. I know he feels like it's his duty as an American to be there but ...."

Bucky couldn't finish his sentence and Merton patted him on the back sympathetically. Kissing Ariel once more Bucky said goodnight to both of them and left to give his news to his parents. Merton waited to see if Ariel would say anything but she was busy tallying his receipts and he began counting his cash, setting aside his float for the next day. After dinner he respected Ariel's need for solitude and didn't intervene when she said she was going to bed early.

The following morning Ariel went for her three hours of work. She was surprised when she arrived to find the Head Librarian of all the New York libraries there. Just before they opened the door he pulled all the staff into the staff room and made the announcement that Mr. Grayson was retiring, effective December 31, and that Mrs. Houseman would be promoted to Library Manager. The Assistant Library Manager position would be posted across the city but he encouraged everyone in the branch to apply, as he felt most of the staff would make fine Assistant Managers. With his goodbye and good luck wishes to Mr. Grayson the doors were unlocked to a lineup of people anxious to borrow enough books to satisfy their reading habit for the next five days. The few hours passed quickly and gifts were exchanged between them prior to leaving for the Christmas break. When Ariel stepped out she was surprised to see Steve waiting for her.

"Why are you here?" she asked. "I thought today was your physical."

"It was," he said somewhat despondently. "They didn't even examine me. Just took one look and wrote 4F on my enlistment form. I didn't know what else to do or where else to go."

"Wasn't Bucky waiting for you?" she asked.

Steve shook his head. "Said he had to get one last gift. I'm glad he wasn't there. We worked so hard together and it was all for naught."

She placed her hand in the crook of his arm and walked with him, not saying anything but just being there for him as a friend. When they got to the store she asked him to come in to say hi to Merton but he didn't want to.

"Then come upstairs and help me ice some cookies," she said. "I have a couple of things I still have to do. Just keep me company."

He looked all around, trying to find a reason to say no but he finally agreed and Ariel waved at her uncle then went up the stairs followed by Steve. She turned the radio on, then put an apron on and began making icing for the cookies. After showing Steve how she wanted them done she left the task up to him while she made some brownies and gingerbread. While the brownies and gingerbread were baking she made hot chocolate for them, with a splash of rum. On the cookies that Steve had iced she sprinkled coloured sugar in patterns then put them aside to set. They both continued on with them after she took the brownies and gingerbread out to cool. By the time they finished the cookies they had also finished the hot chocolate and Ariel smiled at Steve with empathy.

"Thanks," he said. "I was feeling bad about myself. I'm still not happy about it but I feel better."

"Will you be at the Barnes house tomorrow?"

Steve nodded. "Yeah, they're my only family, although you're pretty close to being like my sister."

"We'll be there after breakfast to open presents," said Ariel. "I'm helping Mrs. Barnes get the meal ready."

Pushing himself away from the table Steve put his jacket and scarf on. Impulsively he gave Ariel a warm hug then kissed her on the cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Ariel," he said with some emotion.

"Merry Christmas, Steve," she replied, and walked him to the door, watching him step down to the door to the street.

Returning to the kitchen she made the icing for the brownies and smoothed it on. So focussed was she on the process she didn't hear the door open nor Bucky walk in. He watched her from the entrance to the kitchen, smiling at her wearing her Christmas apron, and occasionally moving her hips to the Christmas music playing on the radio. Finally he knocked on the wooden frame of the entrance and stood himself under the mistletoe that was attached to it. Ariel turned around, seeing him standing there.

"How long were you watching?" she asked as she wiped her hands on a towel and advanced towards him.

"Long enough," he said softly. "I liked watching you dance."

She wrapped her arms around his middle. "You going to kiss me?"

He nodded and leaned over gently placing his lips on hers, then enclosing her in his arms. Still kissing each other tenderly they finally broke apart slightly to look at each other with fondness. Neither one stopped holding the other until Ariel finally pulled herself away.

"Do you want a coffee or a hot chocolate with some rum?" she asked.

"Coffee and rum sounds good," he said, pulling a chair out from the table and reaching towards one of the cookies.

"Those are for tomorrow," she warned, then smiled. "Tell me if they're any good."

He bit into it and chewed with the air of a judge at the county fair food competition.

"They taste pretty perfect to me," he said.

Ariel brought his coffee over and poured a bit of the rum in, standing extra close to Bucky as she did it. Without taking his eyes off hers he ran his hand up the outside of her leg under her dress. Gently he caressed the skin above her nylon, then ventured higher, under the edge of her panty, rubbing his thumb on the soft skin there.

"Do you have a fancy dress?" he asked quietly. She nodded. "Wear it for New Year's Eve and pack an overnight bag to stay at a hotel in the city. I'm taking you to a dress up party. I already spoke to your uncle about it as it will be the last time we can be together before I leave for boot camp. I just want to be alone with you, everything above board, no lying, no sneaking around. I love you, you love me and we're engaged."

"We won't be in violation of any laws?" she asked.

"No, because I already spoke to the hotel and we're both of legal age," said Bucky. "They're being quite flexible because of the number of men that will be leaving for boot camp. Kind of their way of giving a soldier a break."

"Alright," replied Ariel. "I'll get dolled up, just for you. We'll dance and bring in the New Year, then I'm yours for the whole night."

Reaching up with his other hand while Ariel bent low towards his face their lips met in a soft, languid kiss, and Bucky caressed the soft rounded cheek of her bottom under her panty. A little whimper escaped Ariel's throat and for a moment they both wanted the other, right there on the kitchen chair. Then Bucky slowly removed his hand and moved it to Ariel's face, just before ending the kiss. They heard Merton come up the stairs and Ariel stood up without hurrying, caressing Bucky's face before stepping back to the stove just as the door opened. The only sign of their erotic moment was Bucky repositioning himself to face the table so that he could camouflage the bulge in his pants. Merton never gave any sign of noticing as Ariel brought him a coffee and splashed some rum in it, bringing a smile to her uncle's face.

Chapter 16>>

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a1307s · 2 years ago

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Very Good or Very Bad

(Jaime Reyes)

[Art is not mine! Credit to PollyGuo]

Requested by: Aiko424

Keys:

Y/N: Your Name

Word Count: 6880

Warnings and/or Pre-notes:

Cursing

Super long, so my bad

Cállate. Por favor, cállate tu molesto bicho: "Shut up. Please, just shut up you annoy bug"

———————————————————————

"You're shaking," I say to a twig of a guy nervously looking down at his phone. Ever since I not so accidentally blew up an abandoned building a few weeks ago Wally - my older brother - won't let me walk myself anywhere. Given, I blew up the building to save the lives of innocent - and stupid - citizens of Central City but he didn't want to hear any of that. So, I've been stuck on a leash ever since.

Most of the time Wally himself, Artemis, or Dick pick me up and walk me home, but Dick is on medical rest and Wally and Artemis left for Gotham this morning to visit her parents. You'd assume that would get me off my leash, ya? No. Instead of letting me go to Gotham too or trusting me to watch myself they asked Dick to watch me for the next week.

Since he's on medical leave, all Dick can do is relax so no hero work and definitely no patrolling Blüdhaven. Since Wayne Junior got himself injured, he's not allowed to leave Mount Justice so that Barbra and M'gann can monitor him. Also because of this, I'm stuck being walked home by the league members and being stuck in a rock box with Wally's old - and new - team mates, which doesn't seem like a fun time.

By lunch Richard texted to tell me 'Jaime has a half day so he's coming to pick you up'. After a quick description - skinny Hispanic boy that talks to himself and has a beetle on his back - I had an idea of who to look for after school.

"I'm not shaking," Says - hopefully - Jaime. "I'm just cold."

"You're just a lair," I say back, taking a sidestep to look for this beetle imprint Grayson mentioned before. An imprint is present so I'm pretty sure this is the right guy. "Why are you shaking?"

"I am not shaking and even if I was shaking it might - or might not - be because I'm terrified of Nightwing and what will happen to me if something happens to you," Jaime races out, constantly glancing down at his phone.

"Mmkay, a little paranoid of you," I say, grabbing the guy's wrist and heading towards the school gates. "I don't know where I'm going," I tell him, dropping his wrist and reaching into my bag for my phone.

"Umm... that way... I think?" He says, glancing to the left after burning holes into his phone with his eyes.

"Let me see," I say, tilting his phone to look at the directions. "Do you not know how to read a map? A google map, nonetheless? We got to go to the right."

"Oh, okay" Jaime says, moving to my side to start heading down the street. As Dick mentioned, he constantly whispers to himself as we walk down the road.

"So, like do you talk to yourself cause you're crazy or?" I ask, glancing at him before turning back to the sidewalk in front of us.

"I'm not crazy," Jaime answers before continuing to whisper to himself. "I'm not crazy," he repeats.

I hum in response before turning to walk backwards so I'm facing Jaime. "People that aren't crazy usually don't have to state it," I say, locking my eyes on him. His eyes are a brown color whereas I got the signature green West color.

"In my defense, you asked," he says, constantly moving his head around as if it's on a swivel.

"Touche," I answer, folding my hands behind my head as I continue to walk. "So, Jaime Reyes, what's so big and bad about you?"

"Big and bad?"

"Ya, like why are you a hero and all? What's so special about you that Batman was like 'oh ya this kid can totally beat the shit out of villains'?" I ask, amusingly watching Jaime having a mini freak out.

"Um... There's an alien parasite on my spine I guess," He answers nervously, glancing down at his phone before doing another environment check.

"You guess? There either is or isn't and I feel like you would know," I voice, rethinking if he really is a hero or if Bruce just happened to adopt another kid by accident.

"Yes, there is one. What's with all the questions?"

"I just like to know who's hanging around my brother and uncles is all," I answer, going to turn face front again.

Despite me counting my paces, I'm closer to the street than I thought, which leads me slap dab in the road. "Be careful," Jaime snaps, grabbing the hood of my hoodie and pulling me back on to the sidewalk. "Nightwing would kill me if you got ran over."

"One, Nightwing wouldn't kill you. Artemis might but Nightwing would just lecture you and me. And two, there isn't any cars coming so it's not like I would have gotten ran over," I tell him, slightly smiling at the distress on his face. "You're like super stressed out about this. Why are you stressing so hard?"

"I'm not stressed out," Jaime answers, not letting go of my hoodie as we walk across the street.

"I've known you for like five minutes and you've already lied twice. Batman must be having a field day with you."

"You don't know me," He answers, stopping once we are safely back on the sidewalk to check the directions again. "And I've never met Batman, so I don't know what he thinks of me."

"He thinks you have emotional regulation issues," I say, repeating what Bruce told me last month about the newest member on Nightwing's hero squad.

Jaime glances up from his phone to me a few times before pulling me in the direction he decided on. "Did he really say that?"

"Ya, but he didn't mean it in a 'I'm better than everyone' way. It was a more of 'Yo, Nightwing your underling has this issue and here's how to help with it' way I guess," I answer, focusing on Jaime's face. He's quite a pretty boy when he's not in the middle of a panic attack.

"Well Nightwing says you're a reckless air head," My escort says, pretty upset about the information I've shared with him.

"I know I am. I take after Wally." I shift the collar of my hoodie to get more comfortable with Jaime tugging on it. He notices and drops his hold on my clothing.

When Jaime figures out which way to go, he grabs on to my wrist and starts walking again. "Ya? You take after Wally in any other ways?"

"Not really. I mean I have his humor but that's about it."

Jaime suddenly stops, causing me to bump into his back. It's a lot more toned than I thought it would be and there most definitely is a beetle attached to his spine. "You're not a speedster?" He asks, turning his head to look at me.

"Hm? Oh, no I'm not. I'm more of a retro hero like Nightwing and Artemis," I answer, moving myself to stand next to him instead of being dragged behind.

"Why aren't you a speedster? Genetic skip or something?"

"Well we don't really know how it'll work with Barry and Wally's genetics yet since neither have had kids. Barry got his abilities in a freak accident and then Wally got them by coping said freak accident," I explain, taking in the soft coloring of Jaime's skin.

The phone booth portal thingy Bruce invented is sat in front of us, so I take the chance to say, "You're really hot," before wiggling out of his hold and slip through the phone booth.

"What?" Jaime voice echos through the empty training room when he slips in after me.

Unlucky for him, I'm already in the living room and in Richard's grasp. "You're getting so big," my make shift Uncle cries, squeezing me in his arms and covering the crown of my head in kisses.

"You literally saw me last week," I murmur, rolling my eyes as I try to wiggle out of his grasp.

"And since then you've definitely gotten taller," Richard says, followed with a whine when I mange to get out of his hold. The tantrum doesn't last long though. When Jaime enters the room, Nightwing's attention is switch from me to the beetle boy. "Jaime! Good job not losing Y/N on the walk here!"

"You really paint me out to be some teenage dirt bag don't you?" I ask, swinging open the fridge in search of a snack.

"No I don't! You're just... a lot like Wally."

"You mean I'm a reckless air head?" I tease, pulling out a cheese stick before plopping myself on one of the arm chairs.

Nightwing's masked eyes get bigger before he sneaks a glance at Barbra. "Bsh... no... I would never call you that. That's so-"

"Out of line for a grown man to insult a young girl?" I finish for him, watching as he accuses Barbra of spilling the beans through his eyes.

"Just go do your homework or something," Richard says, using his crunches to storm out of the room. It was quite a funny sight, watching him trying to storm out with a broken leg.

————————————

"Oh it's you again," I say, sneaking up on Jaime who's waiting at the front gate to walk me home again.

The blue of the beetle armor pokes out from under Jaime's sleeves before disappearing again. I must have really scared him then. Since Mr 'you don't know me' avoided me all day yesterday I decided to check Bruce's file on him. It was an interesting read to say the least.

"It's me again," He repeats, doing a look up and down of me before pushing himself off the gate he was leaning on. "You're not wearing a hoodie today," He comments, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Ya, I don't like people using the hood to walk me like a dog," I answer, holding the straps of my book-bag as we walk. "You have another half day today?"

"No," Jaime answers shortly, his head back to being on a swivel.

"Then why are you walking me again? Isn't El Paso like 700 miles away or something?"

"Something like that but Mount Justice is even further away from here but it's only a ten minute walk for us," Jaime answers, stepping around me so he's closer to the street.

"True, but you wouldn't have time to get out of class and get here to pick me up even with the Zeta Tube," I comment, watching as Jaime's eyes lock on the street corner begger. His name is Connie and he chills on the street corner around this time and during the before school rush in the morning. Connie is an okay guy but he is quite quick to anger.

"What does it matter?" Jaime asks, switching which side he's standing on so that he's closer to the begger. His hand wraps around my wrist as we past Connie and cross the street.

"I'm just curious," I answer, constantly glance at Jaime's hand on my wrist.

"Curiosity killed the cat. Also, how'd you know I was from El Paso?" Jaime asks, glancing around the new stretch of sidewalk. His hand stays very much latched around my wrist as he does so.

"Barbra mentioned you were from Texas, so I just took a guess at one of the bigger cities within the state," I answer, holding my breath in hopes he'll buy the lie. He does, luckily, and leaves our conversation to die off. "So.... you get in trouble at school or something?" I ask after a couple minutes of silence.

"I got suspended," He answers, tugging me in front of him as a group of other teens walk past. The mix of holding my wrist and walking so close to me causes Jaime to bump into me every couple steps. His chest is hard, even harder than Bruce's. When I glance down his fingers are coated in the black armor I recognize from the photos in his file. Does he feel threatened by me or by the baseball players walking past? It has to be me, right? I'm a trainee of Kid Flash, Nightwing, and Batman himself. How the fuck would my school's baseball players threaten him?

"For what?" I ask, glancing up at my repeated escort. Jaime's jaw is tight, and his eyebrows are squinted together.

He makes whispers in Spanish under his breath - which I don't understand, before he answers me. "Does it matter?"

"Why are you so pissy today? For someone that was bitching yesterday about me not knowing them, you're not very open with me." Jaime glances down at me but doesn't say anything in response. Instead, he lets go of my wrist and shifts himself between the road and me again.

The rest of the walk is uneventful other than a cardinal crossing our path. Jaime did not find my excitement over the bird very interesting though. He just mumbled to himself and dragged me the rest of the way to the phone booth. When we get to the hidden zeta tube, I go to step into it but Jaime pulls me back. "Hey, what did you say yesterday?" He asks, eyes locked on me and hands locked around my wrists.

————————————

Jaime's POV

What the fuck? What the fuck?! Why am I the one picking up Nightwing's niece? Nightwing's arsonist niece. Who blew up a building. Heroes blow up buildings all the time. Heroes around my age do not blow-up buildings! Except Kid Flash's little sister apparently!

I nervously glance at my phone again, re-reading Nightwing's description of his niece for the hundredth time. What if I can't find her? What if I mistake another kid for her? What if I bring another kid to the mountain on accident? That would definitely get me kicked off the team. Or murdered! Do heroes murder? I don't think so... well.. Arsenal does. Would he kill me? Nightwing wouldn't let him kill me... right? Artemis's parents kill people and she's technically this girl's sister-in-law, right? Would Sport-Master kill me for accidentally abounding Artemis's sister-in-law?

What if some freak accident happens on the walk to the Mount? Nightwing would defiantly kill me if his niece got hurt on my watch. Or Wally would... or Artemis... or Batman. Oh my God I forgot about Batman. I bet Batman would throughout his no kill rule for this chick. I mean his son refers to this chick as his niece. That like technically makes this girl his granddaughter.

"I will not let Batman - or anyone else - hurt us," Scarab says, which does not help my train of thought. I'm totally going to get murdered.

In retaliation to my thoughts, Scarab tries to activate my armor. "We do not need that right now. Not needed," I whisper to myself; Well technically to the Scarab but might as well be one in the same. "Can't you just like scan people and let me know who does fit the description?"

"Yes. Please read the description." I whisper the description out loud a few times before a bell rings. "Scanning has commenced," Scarab says as I look around at the different people spilling out of the building. "Jaime Reyes, your high epinephrine levels have caused you to start shaking," the parasite adds.

"High levels of what is causing what?" I ask, glancing down at my phone to read the description again.

"Your high levels of epinephrine has called what humans have named 'anxiety'. Your body is trying to release this 'anxiety' by shaking," the bug answers. "Suspect has been-"

"You're shaking," A voice says from behind me.

"-identified," Scarab finishes. Way too many noises are going on right now, both inside and outside my head.

I turn to look at the person behind me and wouldn't you know, she fits the description perfectly. "I'm not shaking. I'm just cold," I answer, taking in the girl in front of me. She's the spitting image of Wally. Her eyes are the same green as his and her hair is red but not the same red as Wally's. Maybe it's dyed or maybe she just got different genetic pigments than Wally.

"You are shaking Jaime Reyes, and you are not cold. Your body temperature is ninety-nine point four degrees Fahrenheit. From the high levels of resorcinol in her hair, the girl does not have natural red hair," Scarab says, answering my question.

"You're just a lair," Y/N says, taking a sidestep and decking her head to get a glance at my back. Ya, this definitely has to be her. "Why are you shaking?" She asks, setting herself back in front of me.

She has freckles. Really cute freckles. How old is she? I glance down at my phone again to read Nightwing's description again. From his explanation Y/N is only a year younger than me. "Jaime Reyes, suspect is waiting for you to answer."

Oh shit, ya, I haven't answered her yet. In my rush to answer her without it seeming like I ignored her; I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. "I'm not shaking and even if I was shaking it might - or might not - be because I'm terrified of Nightwing and what will happen to me if something happens to you." What the fuck kind of answer was that? That was such a loser answer.

"Jaime Reyes, you are shaking. You're shaking because you're scared of Nightwing, Wally, Artemis, Sports-Master, Arsenal, and Batman," The Scarab says, making me even more annoyed with my own name.

"Mmkay, a little paranoid of you," Y/N says before grabbing my wrist. Her skin is super soft against my own. This can't be the touch of an arsonist, right? It's too soft, too smooth, too gentle. I willingly follow her as she walks away from the building and off the school grounds until she comes to an abrupt stop.

She drops my wrist, causing a tinge of sadness to rise in my chest. Why am I sad that she's not touching me anymore? I don't even know this girl with cute freckles that dyes her hair red to match her brother's. "Subject has caused an increase in your phenylethylamine levels. When subject let go of you, your phenylethylamine dropped which is causing the human emotion of 'sadness'."

"I don't know where I'm going," Y/N says, messing around in her bag. After a couple seconds she pulls out her cellphone. I take the chance to type the address Nightwing sent me into my phone.

I keep glancing between my phone and Y/N as she checks her notifications. She doesn't answer any of them and instead slips the phone into her hoodie pocket. She stands there, staring at me. Her eyes are bright and so full of life. "Subject's levels of catecholamines has slightly risen," Scarab says, replacing my thoughts with their voice.

"I don't know what that means," I mumble, looking down at my phone again to try and focus on the directions.

"Subject is experiencing 'annoyance' from your lack of answering."

"Umm..." I mumble, glancing at my phone again. "That way... I think..." I say, glancing to the left. Why is it so hard to focus right now? She's just a girl. I'm around girls all day. I go to school with girls all day, and then go fight crime with girls all night, and then go home to a house full of girls. She is just a girl.

Y/N takes a step forward and reaches out towards me. "Let me see," she says, her fingertips pressing against my phone so she can view it. Her nails are black, but her ring finger has a blue stripe on it. That's cute. It reminds me of Nightwing's suit. Oh shit, Nightwing is going to kill me if our walk keeps lagging from my lack of awareness. "Do you not know how to read a map?" She asks, looking up at me with those big fucking beanie baby eyes. "A google map, nonetheless? We have to go right," she says, turning right and starting to walk in that direction.

"Oh, okay," I peep out, taking wide strides to catch up to her.

"Subject is effecting your chemical balances. Recommendation: Illumination," Scarab says, in their nonchalant way.

"Illumination? Illumination? Maybe let's not 'illuminate' Batman's granddaughter, ya? Batman is not an enemy I want to have in this lifetime or the next," I fight back, trying to keep my voice low so Y/N doesn't hear me.

"Recommendation: Illuminate subject and Batman."

"The fuck you mean 'illuminate Batman'? How about we illuminate no one? That sounds like a good recommendation."

"So, like do you talk to yourself cause you're crazy or?" Y/N asks, sneaking a peek at me before her eyes focus back to in front of her.

"I'm not crazy," I rush out.

"Subject is now causing a re-rising in your epinephrine levels," The parasite glued to my spine says.

"You are causing the rise in my epine-whatever," I answer back, glancing at Y/N. "I'm not crazy," I repeat, worried she didn't hear me the first time.

Y/N hums before turning on her heels. "People that aren't crazy usually don't have to state it," she peeps out, as her eyes look me up and down. She's now facing me as she takes steady backwards steps. The fuck is she doing this for? She's going to trip or get bumped into or fucking kidnapped easier cause she's not paying attention.

"Subject is waiting for a response," Scarab says, causing me to mentally roll my eyes for the hundredth time today.

"In my defense, you asked," I finally answer back, constantly looking around for any possible threats. Heaven rest my soul if I bring Y/N to the Mount with a scratch or a bruise on her. Nightwing - and then Wally - and then Artemis - and then Batman will skin me alive if she gets hurt in the ten minutes, she's in my care.

"Touche," Y/N says, a bit of a whistle squeaking out with the word. She folds her arms behind her head as she opens her mouth to speak again, "So, Jaime Reyes, what's so big and bad about you?"

Maybe I'm not annoyed with hearing my name today. She should say it again. Why the hell do I want her to say it again? And why the hell did she fold her arms up? That's making the situation even worse. What if she trips? She won't be able to catch herself. "Big and bad?" I ask, a bit confused after I register her words.

"Ya, like why are you a hero and all? What's so special about you that Batman was like 'oh ya this kid can totally beat the shit out of villains'?" She asks, a soft smile gracing her face. A cute, soft smile that I can't enjoy because she can't walk like a normal person, so I have to be aware of every stupid thing including possible rocks on the freakin sidewalk!

" Um... There's an alien parasite on my spine-"

"Jaime Reyes! People should not know about us! This increases our chances of harm!" Just kidding, I'm back to being annoyed at hearing my name.

"- I guess," I finish, mentally rolling my eyes again.

"You guess? There either is or isn't and I feel like you would know," Y/N says before spacing out.

Why is she spacing out? She should be focusing on walking and not tripping! She should be focused on getting to the Mountain unharmed. "Yes, there is one. What's with all the questions?" I ask, getting a little annoyed with her carelessness. Doesn't she realize her safety determines my safety?

"I just like to know who's hanging around my brother and uncles is all," Y/N answers, turning on her heels again to face forward.

'Uncles'?! So, she's related to more than just Nightwing? Who else is her uncle? That's the fucking road! As Y/N is turning around, she steps directly into the street. Panicked, I reach forward and grab the first thing I come in contact. "Be careful!" I yell at her, dragging her back to the safety of the sidewalk. "Nightwing would kill me if you got run over," the words spill out before I can stop them.

I soft smile returns to Y/N's face before she speaks. "One, Nightwing wouldn't kill you. Artemis might but Nightwing would just lecture you and me. And two, there isn't any cars coming so it's not like I would have gotten ran over. You're like super stressed out about this. Why are you stressing so hard?"

"I'm not stressed out," I answer, looking back and forth on the road before tugging Y/N across by her hoodie.

"Subject is correct; You are stressed Jaime Reyes." Ya no shit. My mentor - the Nightwing - entrusted me to walk his niece to the Mountain. His niece who is actively trying to get herself - and me - killed. Nightwing who won't murder me. Oh no, but his teammate - his best friend's girlfriend - will.

"I've known you for like five minutes and you've already lied twice. Batman must be having a field day with you," Y/N says, glancing at me with mischievous eyes.

Oh, ya Batman likes me so much that he hasn't met me. Everyone likes me so much that half of the team can't remember my name. Before I can stop myself, I answer her in anger, "You don't know me. And I've never met Batman, so I don't know what he thinks of me."

Once we're back on the safe sidewalk, I take a chance to check the directions again to ensure we're heading in the right way. "He thinks you have emotional regulation issues," Y/N says, looking at the tree in front of us.

He? Who's he? Is she talking about Batman? The old guy that dressed up as a bat because he can't deal with the loss of his parents thinks I have emotional regulation issues? I glance at Y/N throughout my thoughts before focusing us in the right direction. "Did he really say that?" I ask, even though I know there's no way an adult furry thinks I have issues. I don't have issues. I just have murderous alien technology attached to me.

"Ya, but he didn't mean it in a 'I'm better than everyone' way. It was a more of 'Yo, Nightwing your underling has this issue and here's how to help with it' way I guess."

The fuck does that mean? Once again, before I can stop myself, I answer in anger, "Well Nightwing says you're a reckless air head." He sure was right. Who walks into the road without looking first? What a stupid girl, a stupid person.

"I know I am. I take after Wally," Y/N says softly, lifting up her colored nails again but this time she messes with her hoodie. I'm holding it a lot tighter than I mean too so I drop it, letting her walk freely again. Hopefully, not freely into the road again.

"Ya? You take after Wally in other ways?" I ask her, actually curious if she has superspeed as well. I mean, she has too, right? Her brother is a speedster so why wouldn't she be one too? I take second to double check our direction again before starting the walk back up again. I make sure to grab her wrist instead of her hoodie this time because I'm not confident she won't walk into traffic again.

"Not really. I mean, I have his humor but that's about it," Y/N says from behind me, a sad undertone buried in her words.

I stop walking, taking a second to process her words and trying to get the Scarab to shut up so I can think clearly. From my unwarned stop, Y/N bumps into my back. She feels really warm against me and the smell of vanilla envelopes me. "You're not a speedster?" I ask, glancing behind me to take her in. Her eyes are wide, and cute, and very green. How are they so green?

"Hm?" She asks, looking up at me, slightly softening her face. "Oh, no I'm not. I'm more of a retro hero like Nightwing and Artemis."

Y/N moves herself so she's standing next to me instead of behind me like before. "Why aren't you a speedster? Genetic skip or something?" I ask, continuing to lead her forward again.

"Well, we don't really know how it'll work with Barry and Wally's genetics yet since neither have had kids. Barry got his abilities in a freak accident and then Wally got them by coping said freak accident." What is up with these heroes? Are they all crazy? Am I going to go crazy too?

I stay trapped in my thoughts until we are slap dap in front of the portal tube thing. I think Beast Boy called it a 'zeta tube' or something. "You're really hot," Y/N says before loosening my grip on her and disappearing into the tube thing.

"What?" I ask but she's already gone. I follow her through the phone booth before re-asking my question. Unlucky for me, she's already gone from the training room. At least I lost her in the Mountain, I guess. I stand in the empty room for a second, replaying the moment a couple times. She definitely called me hot. Is that a good thing? It has to be a good thing.

I shake the thought out of my head before walking into the common area of the Mountain. Great, there she is, right there, again. "Jaime!" Nightwing calls. "Good job not losing Y/N on the walk here!" Y/N responses but I don't stick around to hear how it plays out. I spend my time in the Mountain locked away in my assigned room so I could think over the events of the walk and the feelings I'm not sure I'm happy I'm feeling.

—————————————

Today has not been the best day. I'm still a bit off from walking Y/N home yesterday, which drizzled into my day today. Some guys at school were talking about her, well about her hero identity, not her specifically. They were still talking about her though and not very nicely. For whatever reason, I couldn't just let it go and ended up starting a fight about it, which got me a suspension from school. Mama is not going to be thrilled about that.

Nightwing on the other hand, seemed quite amused that I got suspended over his niece. So amused that he asked me to pick her up again. Instead of waiting on the school grounds, I decided to wait outside the school gates. I don't want to be picking up Y/N again. She messes with my head and causes the Scaran to go all haywire.

Before getting thrown out of school for a few days, I talked over yesterday's experience with Paco. He seems to think I have a crush on Y/N. Maybe I do. I don't know. I don't know what I feel or what to think. Nightwing says it's hard to have a relationship wellbeing a hero, but Wally and Artemis have been together for ever and they're heroes. Maybe it would work out since Y/N and me are both heroes too. I don't know.

"Oh, it's you again," Y/N says, poking her head around the gate.

Since I was lost in my thoughts, her sudden appearance manages to scare me. "Self-defense activating," Scarab says, as my armor starts wrapping around me.

"Don't do that," I hiss, keeping my tone low. I don't need Y/N thinking I'm crazy or accidently hurt because Scarab thinks everything is a threat. "It's me again," I say once Scarab chills out. I glance at her, taking in her outfit. She's not wearing a hoodie today so I'm able to take in more of her figure. Her figure that would feel really nice against mine own. What? No, do not think like that. I stand up straight and shove my hands into my pockets to stop myself from touching her like I want too. "You're not wearing a hoodie today," I comment to try and see if she did it on purpose or not.

Y/N's hands wrap around her bookbag straps as she matches my strides. Her hair bounces as she walks, sliding around to frame her face. "Ya, I don't like people using the hood to walk me like a dog," she says, poking at me for my actions yesterday. "You have another half day today?"

It takes me a second to connect what she's saying. I'm too distracted by her hair, and face, and body, and I need to look at something else. I glance around, looking at all the different people and scenery and anything but her. "No."

"Then why are you walking me again? Isn't El Paso like 700 miles away or something?"

El Paso? She knows I'm from El Paso? How does she know that? I didn't tell her that. "2018 Toyota driving at dangerous speeds. Recommendation: abolish vehicle," Scarab says, causing my eyes to snap to the road.

"Let's not do that," I whisper to them, shifting my position so Y/N is further away from the road. "Something like that," I finally answer back, taking a second to process the rest of her statement. "But Mount Justice is even further away from here but it's only a ten-minute walk for us." How does she know I'm from El Paso? Why does she care that I'm picking her up again? Does she like that I'm picking her up again?

"True, but you wouldn't have time to get out of class and get her to pick me up even with the Zeta Tube," Y/N says, moving closer to me.

Is she moving closer on purpose? Why would she be? I look around again and notice a homeless looking man on the street corner. Is that why she's moving closer? "Scarab, can you do a scan of the man over there? See if he has anything dangerous or whatever," I whisper, keeping my eyes on the man.

"Scanning commenced," Scarab says as I move my placement again so I'm between the guy and Y/N.

"What does it matter?" I ask Y/N, glancing down at her for a split second before going back to sizing up the guy. It can't be that hard to take him if he tries anything... I think.

"I found three knives on the subject," Scarab says, popping the images of said knives into my mind. It still trips me out that this thing can do shit like this. In response to Scarab's findings, I wrap my hand around Y/N's wrist. I don't need her starting issues, or getting hurt if this guy starts anything.

"I'm just curious," Y/N says, looking down at her wrist.

Does she like that I'm touching her? "Scarab, can you scan for Y/N's lovey chemical thing?" I whisper, trying to catch a glance at Y/N's face to see how she's reacting. "Curiosity killed the cat," I say, trying to get her to look up again. "Also," I start, letting my own curiosity get to me. "How'd you know I was from El Paso?"

"Barbra mentioned you were from Texas, so I just took a guess at one of the bigger cities within the state."

"Y/N has high levels of phenylethylamine and epinephrine," Scarab answers after their scan finishes.

"And that means what?" I ask, even more confused than normal.

"Phenylethylamine has been nicknamed the 'love chemical' by the human race. Y/N has high levels of said chemical that raised even more after coming in contact with you. Epinephrine is the 'adrenaline' chemical, often present when in distress, lying, or with high blood pressure. Recommendation: Reproduce in order to lower the high levels of phenylethylamine and epinephrine."

What is the issue with this stupid alien? I cannot 'reproduce' with someone I barely know. But that does mean Y/N likes me back, right? Maybe I should ask about what she said yesterday. Maybe I should ask her out. Maybe... or maybe she'll say no. Or maybe she'll say yes and then I'll have a target on my back with half of my own team aiming for it. Or maybe -

"So... you get in trouble at school or something?" Y/N asks, cutting off my thought process.

Or something. "I got suspended," I answer, glancing up and seeing a group of guys heading our way.

"If you plan on being life partners with Y/N I recommend doing it soon. 78% of the group ahead has high levels of phenylethylamine for your protentional partner as well, Jaime Reyes," Scarab says, causing my skin to crawl with anger.

They don't get to like her too. I already know parts of her they'll never get to know, and I've known her two days. No, not allowed. I tug Y/N over so she's standing in front of me. We're so close that she constantly bumps into me. Every time she does, sparks run through my veins. They do not get to be near her. They need to go away. In reaction to my unwarranted anger, Scarab tries to activate my armor again. Maybe Batman is right. Maybe I do have issues controlling my emotions.

I pick up the pace a bit to try and get Y/N away from them sooner and get their attention off of her. They not so secretively check her out as we walk past, which only pisses me off more.

"For what?" Y/N peeps out, looking at me with those big green beanie baby eyes again.

It's hard to hear her over than sound of Scarab trying to justify murdering a group of people. "Cállate. Por favor, cállate tu molesto bicho," I whisper, trying to relax my nervous and calm down. I should not be this jealous. Who cares if a group of Y/N's classmates are checking her out? Not me, I don't care. "Does it matter?" I finally answer her, but it comes out sharper than I meant it too. I really need to chill out.

"Why are you so pissy today?" Y/N asks, matching my snappy tone. "Fror someone that was bitching yesterday about me not knowing them, you're not very open with me."

I look down at her as she looks forward. Frustration is very evident on her face. She looks cute frustrated. With the group being out of sight and no more creepy guys with knives around, I decide it's safe to let her go. I drop my hand from her wrist, and just like yesterday a tinge of sadness fills my chest. I want her to get to know me. I want to me open with her. I want to get to know every inner and outer thing about her. And I really want to see those eyes looking up at me as she spread out on my bed. That's perverted. Like, really perverted.

Y/N's frustration falls from her face as she turns her head. I follow her eyes to see that sitting in a tree next to us is a bright red cardinal. Y/N steps off the sidewalks and slowly walks towards the bird. I stay put, watching her gush over the bird and talk to it like it's a baby. I'm going to ask her about what she said yesterday, I'm going to ask her out, and I'm going to make my perverted thoughts a reality.

"Jaime Reyes, your aphrodisiac levels are raising," Scarab says, once again confusing me.

"You really need to start explaining things to me when you say them."

"The chemical aphrodisiac controls arousal within the human raise."

"So, I'm horny? Really? Didn't notice," I say sarcastically, watching Y/N walk back onto the sidewalk once she's done gushing over the bird. The rest of the walk is silent, but I don't mind. It gives me time to build up my confidence to spit out what I want to say. I couldn't help myself, so I ended up grabbing Y/N's wrist again to walk her the rest of the way.

Once the zeta tube is in front of us, I make sure to keep my grip on Y/N and even go as far as grabbing her other wrist so she can't run off like she did yesterday. "What did you say yesterday?" I ask her, focusing on keeping my eyes on hers and trying not to throw up my nervous. This is either going to go very good or very bad.

#jaime reyes #blue beetle #Jaime Reyes oneshot #blue beetle one shot #young justice #young justice oneshot #jaime reyes x reader #blue beetle x reader

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aladaylessecondblog · 7 months ago

Text

The Whore AU - Uthol

Author's Note: yeah I can't do much right now but damn it's like these things are writing themselves!

tw: consensual slave play, aphrodisiac dosing, begging

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"Have you ever read the Nerevarine prophecies?"

Araynys asked the question as Sadara was redressing the next morning. Once again he touched that spot on her shoulderblade, just as she was slipping into her robe.

"Heard of them...and also heard it was a bad idea to look into them. Tribunal, and all."

"It's been said that Nerevar's incarnate will return, to do Azura's will and drive out the false gods...while also 'reaping the harvest of the unmourned house,' among other things. There's no mention of this mark in anything. Yet I've seen this...quite some time ago...and on Nerevar's ring. It's uncanny how alike this is to the moon-and-star." There was a slight press down. "If you let Lord Dagoth see it, there's no telling what he'll do."

"He liked Nerevar?"

Araynys snorted. "You could say that."

He didn't say much more, and Sadara was soon able to get going.

The road to Kogoruhn wasn't all that long, but there was a blight storm on that made it hard to follow the directions she'd been given. Yet she found her way, even barely able to see three feet in front of her.

She was greeted by an ash ghoul who handed her a note and a shimmering enchanted bracer. Then he directed her to the Dome of Pollock's Eve, a rounded room to one side of the stronghold. And as she walked away, she cast Detect Magic.

One had to be sure, king's ransom worth of gold or no.

Thankfully, the only enchantment on the bracer was one of constant Restore Stamina, though she assumed its presence meant she was to behave as though it WAS a slave's bracer. She put it on and walked through the door ahead. There wasn't much in the room per se--it looked like something of a conference area, tables here and there, chairs stacked on one side, whereas nearby a set of wrist shackles on the wall.

She looked at the note. It instructed her to face away from the wall and press back into the shackles with her wrists. Should something go wrong and Uthol should be delayed too long, she would be able to release herself from them with a small incantation (also her safe word) - which she was encouraged to try with one hand at a time. This test done, she tried it with both hands, and satisfied the incantation would work, dropped the note and her things on one of the tables nearby before backing herself against the wall and raising her hands into the shackles.

They were more considerate than she thought they'd be, these Dagoths. Given the general reputation of the Sixth House she expected something...worse. Had Araynys simply slapped her, called her a hole good for nothing but being used, and left it at that she'd have had all she expected. But he hadn't.

Well, they couldn't all behave so decently, could they? At least one of the Dagoths had to be a terror...perhaps it would be Uthol.

She shut her eyes, half-dozed for a few minutes, until she heard the door opening again. A slight glance up showed her what she expected. The golden decoration in his hair would've tipped her off even if she hadn't known him already (wait...wait, that didn't make any sense). Dagoth Uthol.

But he didn't even look directly at her.

"Now," Uthol said in a clipped tone. "I'll see what I've bought."

The knot in her robe was pulled, and the front of it opened, baring her entirely. Sadara shivered slightly in the cool air, and then again when that pair of cold hands groped at her breasts.

"You'll do," he went on, "Of course, you're not as eager as I thought you would be...one might think you didn't want to be here."

"It's just a bit cold in here, master," she said quietly, "I'll make up for it."

"Of course." There was a dark chuckle. "I've got something to ensure you'll keep that promise."

Uthol moved off to one of the tables in the room, and grabbed both a cloth and a bottle from it which he returned with.

"The bracer is just to ensure that you don't run, but this...this is what will truly ensure you stay." He uncorked it and let a little of its contents drip over her shoulder - and where whatever-it-was touched, her skin warmed, almost seemed to burn. Then he tipped some onto the cloth which he then pressed between her legs, right against her cunt.

Sadara couldn't avoid the moan that escaped, and couldn't stop herself squirming against the cloth either, grinding against the cloth in Uthol's hand. It was like he'd spent half an hour stroking and preparing her, and he'd accomplished it just with that little potion. She'd used ones like this before, to get herself ready in a hurry, but none of them had ever worked as well as this.

GODS, it felt good.

"Oh, you react SO well to it...what would you do if I gave you more?"

"No," she said in the most falsely desperate voice she could manage, then slurring, "...can't--too much..."

"Look at my little slave, rutting herself against my hand...you see? Do you see now, why it is I own you and not the other way around?"

Sadara nodded. He wanted it this way, wanted her in this position, squirming, desperate for release. Privately she thought she could get used to this, if it felt THAT good all the time. She wanted a bottle of this stuff for her own use.

"Good."

The bottle came down again, and poured more than the last time, more than the cloth could reasonably take in. Feeling that liquid directly on her clit was almost enough to make Sadara climax on the spot.

But he kept pouring, and the heat in her gut kept rising, until the little bottle was empty. And then once she thought he'd FINALLY get to work, he did the exact opposite.

Uthol pulled the cloth and his hand away, leaving her there, needy and utterly empty.

"Please," she begged, squirming, pressing her legs together, trying and failing to get any kind of friction and only spreading the liquid about more, "Please..."

"Of course," Uthol said, ignoring her pleas, "I need to give it time to work."

"Please," she begged again, "I want...I want...your cock, your hand, anything..."

"What you want doesn't matter." Uthol pinched one of her nipples, prompting a mewl of slight pain. "What I want does...and what I want is to see you that you understand your place."

Again she squirmed. "I do. I do, I..."

It pleased him, she saw that easily. The directions had been simple, and it looked like it was easy to please the man.

Uthol didn't touch her. He walked back over to one of the tables, leaving her breathing hard there alone, soaked with desire, eager to be filled, and nothing with which to ease her need.

How long he left her like that, she didn't know. It felt like an eternity either way, of feeling the desire coming in waves, cresting, falling back again. Breathing hard, praying he'd come back and actually fuck her.

And then she spotted Uthol across the room.

Seated. Smirking. Clearly enjoying the show she was putting on and stroking the tent in his loincloth.

I can wait longer than you, that smug gaze of his said to her. By the time he stood back up she was ready to agree to anything.

Her chest was heaving with labored breathing when he reached up to turn her head to the side, her heart racing when she felt those cold lips on her neck, and her cunt absolutely throbbing when she felt the faintest touch of his covered cock against her skin.

"Have you learned, now?" Uthol whispered, "Hmm?"

He pressed closer, growling against her neck.

"Yes. Yes. Please, master, please...I need you..."

She was babbling already, and became completely incomprehensible when she realized Uthol's loincloth was gone. She tried to spread her legs a bit for him, angle her hips upwards, but he wouldn't take the hint. He wouldn't move until he was ready.

Then it was between her legs, that cock of his, right against her clit, and still not inside her yet. It was almost worse than not having it near her at all. He lifted and spread her legs, but still--

A broken moan passed her lips when he finally thrust into her--or it would have, had he not pressed a rough kiss to her lips and swallowed the sound. The ensuing bolt of pleasure hit nearly had her cumming on the spot, and only grew as he settled into a steady piston.

When Uthol pulled back she crossed her legs behind his back.

"I don't care what happens as long as you keep fucking me," she ground out. The ecstasy coursing through her veins was absolutely incredible, and in the moment all she wanted was for it to keep going.

"Just what I want to hear."

Uthol's pace quickened, and Sadara couldn't stop the curse that slipped out next. She was close, so close it was almost painful. There was a grunt, and then a groan, against a background of her own excited moans.

It ripped through her suddenly, unexpectedly. She shuddered as it broke, almost screaming as wave after wave of ecstasy washed through her body and her cunt contracted around Uthol's cock. She was adrift, delirious, awash in the heat of the afterglow...

...and he didn't stop.

There was a tremor in her gut, a slight pain to protest the stimulation that soon passed over in favor of more lusty heat.

It didn't stop.

Not even three minutes later there was another orgasm, and then a third...

"Please, it's too much," she groaned, still trembling from the peak, "Master, please..."

(Sadara was beginning to wonder if it would ever stop, but the thought soon followed that if it happened right then, she could die happy.)

"You think you deserve my finish?" came the whisper in her ear. "Do you?"

Another groan.

"What--else--did you--buy me--for?"

A laugh. "Good answer."

A few more thrusts and Uthol buried himself as deeply as he could--then spilled into her.

Finally, it was over. Sadara spoke the brief incantation, her hands were released, and she wrapped her arms around him. The potion, or whatever it was, was finally wearing off, and she was feeling more satisfied than she had in ages.

"By the GODS, that stuff was strong," she said, "I hope you've got a bottle I can take home with me."

Uthol pulled back when she let go, and helped her to one of the chairs before replacing his loincloth.

"Talk to Endus," he said, "I got it from him. He...has a habit of experimenting with these sorts of concoctions. You aren't in any pain, are you?"

"No, just...just...I don't think I could walk right now," Sadara said shakily. "I must've finished three times at least...I'll probably be sore. I hope Vemyn doesn't want to do anything too rough, I'm not sure I could handle it too soon after this."

"Ah, Vemyn's slightly tamer," Uthol said, "Likes the idea of nearly being caught going at the whores that come to him."

"I've actually BEEN caught in the act with a few clients...so I'm sure I can fulfill whatever fantasy he's got."

"Keep this up, and we'll be asking for you next year." Uthol laughed. "Maybe you'll even get collared, would you like that?"

(That was...an oddly exciting idea. She'd only done that once or twice, but still.)

"Keep being this good and I'll accept. A collar's fine, it's the master on the end of the leash that would make or break the thing."

An ash storm kicked up, and she stayed the night, keeping the bracer on in case Uthol should want her company in the morning.

And she lay thinking about Vemyn for a bit. A fetish for nearly being caught fucking someone. That was fairly tame, nothing too out of the ordinary.

#nerevarine x house dagoth #nerevarine #morrowind #tes #tesblr #elder scrolls #morrowind fanfiction #morrowind smut #wanksgiving 2024

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gallifreyan85 · 2 months ago

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and from the dark into the light is maybe one of my favourite fics you’ve done with mentor!agatha so far. there aren’t enough words to fully express how it filled my heart and soul with something warm and comforting.

the description of the sounds in westview is a perfect contrast to when we arrived at the house, in showing that we’re finally able to resurface for air. in scare me up, the silence builds on the weight of the grief by illustrating how numb we’ve become to the outside world. the story spends more time in our mind and memories, because grief traps us in the past. so when we hear the sounds of westview is an awakening, it’s the first step of our healing.

describing how you want to hold her hand, make sure she’s really there is actually quite similar to what i have written down in some half finished headcanons about the scare me up universe! yes, because it makes sense in the context of the story, but also, to note down how it contrasts well with mentor!agatha in the forwards beckon rebound and the teen!reader fics. with teen!reader, we get to see agatha reluctant to let herself become attached, and learning how to be gentle again. in this one, we’re clinging to agatha because of the fear that she’ll be ripped away from us again, whereas it’s the opposite in forwards beckon rebound.

seeing señor scratchy reunite with agatha is so sweet, but also digs deeper into the aspects of grief that exist outside our field of view when we’re so immersed in it. the distinct longing to be held by agatha again, paired with the refusal to be jealous of scratchy perfectly encapsulates how isolating grief can be, and the jarring reminder that others are grieving along side you.

i love how you captured the emotional hesitance from both yourself and agatha now that the moment has calmed down, and you’re finally out of her grave. agatha glancing to see if you’re looking while she’s greeting scratchy, and you looking away when you comment on you and scratchy missing her? as well as your nerves about giving her the gift. it’s very much agatha’s past shining through, but it’s also an inkling of how her death might’ve affected us. it’s possible that it’s always been part of us, or that agatha’s behaviour has rubbed off on us during our time learning with her, but i like to imagine that it’s part of our grief; your emotional distance from others prevents this kind of grief from happening with anybody else. an anger at the rest of the world, for continuing to pass by, and you stuck in the cycle of day and night, without agatha.

the dust in the house works in so many different ways. part of it is having lived here with her; how are you supposed to exist in a space without her? how do you find your place and navigate the empty silence where she would’ve been? yes it was your home, but it was always your home with agatha. the guilt of not returning hurts my heart too. when grieving, i think we often feel a sense of responsibility towards all that’s left of who we lost, even if it’s not realistically something we can maintain. it’s also very literally the calm after the storm that was the witches road and the salem seven. it’s a beautiful irony, how the dust has settled everywhere else but in your heart. billy and jen get to move on, they got what they needed from the road. but you? you lost agatha.

i can’t emphasize enough how heartbreakingly authentic your description of seeking comfort was. scent often goes unnoticed, and yet it’s also such a crucial component to identity and memory. trying to find the smell of agatha’s perfume hurts so deeply because they’re the tiny shadows of agatha; the reminders of her that were silent until she was gone, and now you’re left with nothing but the silhouette of who your mentor once was.

there’s something specifically touching about agatha asking where you went afterwards. its vague enough for plausible deniability, like agatha could pull herself out of such vulnerability with a snarky remark, but it also burns with a genuine sense of worry for you. i think that as a ghost, she had no way of knowing where you were, and this is her way of reassuring herself that you were taken care of while she wasn’t around. while she’d accepted her death, i don’t think she could forgive herself if grieving her destroyed you.

the mother’s day card, oh,,, my heart. the need to apologize for our vulnerability is so real!! the way you worry about if your feelings are too much and the overthinking of it all?? on both parts? impeccable. i have to try to not cry when i read “just- don’t throw it away please” because it hits so close to home. the talk about not feeling strong, and being held while agatha tells us about her mother makes me think about how all this time, without agatha, we’ve had to try to be strong, and now that she’s back, we’re finally safe to be vulnerable again.

“I guess I love you too, then. You little menace.” she’s such a mom :’) the little menace title is so dear to me, because i think the playful and caring nature of your dynamic with agatha really shines through.

this paired so beautifully with scare me up a little bit of love, and i already know ill be reading it again and again. every one of your stories is a love letter to the character of agatha harkness, and to those all those who feel a connection with her. this was such a treat to read. i’m so sorry for how late this review is, i didn’t realize how quickly april flew by. how has it been almost a whole month since you posted it? also, i saw your recent posts, and i’d like to say, happy belated birthday!! i hope you spent the time resting and having fun :3 i think i’ll be back soon to talk more about mentor!agatha <3

-your lovely review anon

Review anon I've missed you!! <3

I'm so glad you liked the part with all the sounds in Westview, something I really really love about writing is trying to get the overall 'vibe' of the scene right, and that often ends up meaning relying on sounds and smells around that setting, those particularly because I feel like sometimes they can do more to trigger a memory than just seeing something/ writing a detailed description of said setting.

I loovee the way you worded 'silhouette of who your mentor once was', I imagined that kind of letting go while writing about what we've done while she was gone, the unseen line of grief and loss being too much for us to make us almost uncaring whether we've crossed it or not into becoming more like her, and then will being like her bring us a scrap of comfort or would she be disappointed because it's something she wouldn't want for us. It's sort of established that we don't have much of family outside of her, so being away while she was gone means we were on our own, and the pain of it all because (more so in the teen reader fics) it started as clinging to her for safety and the fear of ending up alone and ended in the genuine feeling of family and care on both sides.

Her as a mom never fails to make me all warm, I think for her this was her thinking maybe this is it, she's gone and we'll eventually get over her death and move on, but then she's suddenly back, being genuinely, so desperately missed, and given something that makes her see we do think of her like that, and we've never stopped. She might be really scared to let herself feel it (especially after Nicky) but she's getting there.

I know you say you sometimes reread my fics (which makes me giddy to know people like them) and I'd like you to know that I often tend to reread your reviews, and they end up being my motivation to kick start into writing a new fic. I've recently kind of slowed it down a bit even though I've been making headcanons and scenarios in my head, and it's mostly just due to life being chaotic, school stuff (this damn college thingy we have to do till this Friday) and general craziness, but I am definitely still going to post more fics as soon as I get a bit of time to breathe from the assignments. Hopefully soon. I'm really excited to dive back into this world with Agatha cause now that we're sort of on the same page with her on emotional vulnerability there's still a lot that can happen and a longish way to go. We'll see.

Also I apologize for letting this one sit in my inbox for three days, I wanted to properly answer and not make it a fumbled response just to get it out of the way. Thank you (for the happy birthday) and seeing your ask notification really made me grin on Sunday, I saw it first thing in the morning and it really made my day a bit brighter. I can't wait to hear more of your thoughts and headcanons on everything!!!

❤️

#anon ask #my lovely review anon #<3 #answered #agatha all along #agatha harkness

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mentallyshattered · 2 years ago

Text

This is part 15 of the "What if Yuu didn't want to go back?" Series!

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

"Heeeey, what club are you guppies joinin'?" Korrak and I ignore the voice. We're not guppies, so that can't be us, right?

"So, when do club meetings start?"

"Heeey, you! With the cat and the rat!" Okay, that guy is probably talking to us.

"W-W-What do you want, minnow?"

Immediately, the teal-haired boy's face twists into one of anger, his mismatched eyes flashing with rage. He leans back, placing his left hand over his right shoulder and separating his lips just enough to expose his triangular teeth to curious eyes.

"What was that, guppy?"

"I a-asked you what you w-w-w-wanted, minnow." Even through his stutter, Korrak sounds confident and dangerous, like he's this six-foot-something a warning.

"I'm no minnow... am I gonna have to squeeze some sense into you?" The yellow shade of his right eye is starting to remind me of a road sign used to warn people about some danger up ahead. I don't show my nerves, though, and Korrak looks fearless.

"What, I need more s-s-sense? You're the o-one who called us guppies." As much as I shouldn't be, I'm exited. Seeing Korrak fight would be awesome, and this dude with the dark stripe in his hair is annoying.

"You're on, minnow."

Korrak extends an arm to the bench, and Mandible takes the opportunity to dismount from his shoulder. Mr. Singular Dark Eye moves to punch him, but Korrak dodges, landing a good couple of punches on his opponent's jaw as he does so.

Teal Hair Boy doesn't even flinch. Instead, he swings another big arm, only to be met square in the golden eye with a fist, head-on.

Minnow flinches. Korrak keeps going, aiming mostly for joints and the back of his opponent's head. Despite the obvious pain he's in, minnow doesn't back down, and keeps swinging, kicking, and doing whatever else he can to try and land a hit.

Eventually, Korrak lands an uppercut square under minnow's jaw. Minnow grabs the back of his collar, much to my horror.

The grin minnow gives Korrak would've made me faint. "I've got ya now, little Angler."

"B-better. I'll give you that. S-still, you lose."

Korrak swings himself upwards, landing a solid kick on his foe's neck. Teal Hair drops him, choking on the force of it all and gasping for breath.

"My, my, Floyd. I haven't seen you in such a terrible condition since we were fry." Someone else has appeared, speaking more formally than Teal Hair. I'll call him Pronouns. Pronouns resembles Teal Hair, in the way your reflection resembles you.

Teal Hair has a dark left eye and a yellow right one, whereas Pronouns has a yellow left eye and a dark right. Additionally, the dark stripe in Teal Hair's hair is on the right side of his face, while Pronouns' is on his left.

"Yeah, yeah... some Angler went and called me a minnow."

Pronouns shakes his head. "I didn't think anyone here could fight you and win. Would you like to visit the nurse?"

"Nah, I'll be juuuuust fine." Teal Hair's voice has reverted to the blithesome tone it was before.

"You're bruising."

"Is that right, Angler?"

"Floyd, come here." Pronouns holds his brother's face up to the light and checks. He sighs. "Brother, you have a black eye. Come on, let's go to the nurse."

"Aw, it's not that bad."

"We're morays. We aren't supposed to bruise."

With that, they leave.

"Way to go, bud! I knew you could do it," Mandible cheers. "You always have been great at that."

I am in awe. That was incredible! Korrak just took on a guy with shoulders twice as broad as his- and won. He got caught, and he still won.

Korrak extends an arm to the bench for Mandible, who climbs back onto his familiar. Both of them then take notice of my staring.

"You w-wanna learn how t-t-t-to do that?"

I can only nod. Korrak laughs, genuine joy bubling up for the brief moment it lasts.

"I'll sh-show you aft-t-ter the det-ention."

"Myaah, dinner!"

Immediately, Korrak and I are running, Grim and Mandible on our shoulders. I turn in our club application on the way, and we run the rest of the way- maybe P.E. is paying off.

Vil is waiting for us when we return to the dorm. "I heard from Octanville's vice housewarden that you," he points an accusatory finger at Korrak, "got into a fight with his brother. Explain.

"Well, s-some guy st-t-t-tarted calling us 'guppies' and ch-challenged me t-t-t-to a fight, so I beat him u-up."

Vil looks astonished. However, before he can comment, Rook materializes with one of his own.

"Oui, Roi de Poison! I saw it all- the grace! The skill! The elegance! Truly, it was magnifiqué!"

Vil pauses. "Rook, are you saying that you saw Floyd Leech get beaten up by a Pomefiore student and you didn't tell me?"

Rook does not pause. "Oui! I was hoping to tell you later."

"...A Pomefiore freshman won a fight against Floyd Leech?"

Rook nods. "Oui!"

Vil, clearly baffled, asks, "How?"

"With agility, cunning, and courage! Beuté!"

"Rook, you are a very unusual person."

Rook's smile remains. "Oui!"

"Myeeh, I'm hungry! This is taking forever! We want French toast, not French talking!"

Mandible and Korrak both burst out laughing. Rooks joins them, and, before I know it, so have I.

"Enough! All of you are permitted to go and eat. Rook, you stay with me. Korrak, meet me after dinner." He pauses, thinking. "And, Grim, French toast is a breakfast food." Only the slight, amused smile on Vil's face and subtly joking tone reveal the intentions behind his words.

"Oui! Roi de Poison, I shall follow your lead! Off to dinner, then?"

Vil nods. "Certainly."

Dinner is po boys. Grim and I eat one each, much to the suprise of Epel.

"Y'all eat way more than I realized! What's th' rush fer, really?" I'd answer if I didn't have a mouthful of food. Epel, noticing this, just shakes his head.

"City folk, I guess... so, anythin' interestin' happen?"

Korrak raises a finger to signal that he has something to say, but too much food in his mouth to say it. He does finish, though.

"I got int-to a fight. Against s-some guy named 'Floyd.' He w-was weird."

I, now finished with my own mouthful, toss my contribution into the ring. "Korrak won. It was great."

Epel shakes his head. "Yuu, yer th' only one t' stay outta trouble, considerin' th' lot o' us."

I nod. "Yep."

"Did ya catch 'is last name? This 'Floyd' guy?"

Grim pauses between bites. "Leech. Why?"

A look of shock stuns onto Epel's face. "Floyd Leech? The Floyd Leech? Tell me ev'rythin'! I been lookin' t' git a piece o' 'im myself!"

Somewhere in the distance, I hear Vil sigh.

#disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst vil #m!yuu #twst grim #twst yuu #twst rook #twst floyd #twst jade #twst oc #twst epel #twst #what if yuu didn't want to go back

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fleurcareil · 2 years ago

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South Saskatchewan

Next morning, I was super-efficient in packing up and left sharp at 7.45am (I've become even better at early departures in the Rockies, simply to avoid the crowds 🥴) as I had a long drive to do; over 600km to my next camping spot... Not sure I completely had thought this through when I booked it, but think I was lured by the 1-hour jump back in time when crossing into Saskatchewan, although the actual driving time stays the same of course!! 🤔

First Gmaps direction; turn left in 361km.... love it, those large-distance roads in Canada! 🙃 I was now officially on the Red Coat Trail but different to other provinces, I never saw any plaques or tourist info signs so I still don't really understand what it's about... I presume something with the army traveling west during the new frontier?? Now, it's just endless fields and sky which are pretty in their own right... Although I love my trees and forests, there's something special about this massive expanse of agricultural lands, a testament to human's ability to control the land. I did feel cheated, as the "Land of Living Skies" was yellow-grey both below and above the horizon with smoke turning everything dull... such a shame! On the way, there's really not much to see apart from the rare sunflower field 🤩, modern-day grain stores, cows and surprisingly lots of nodding donkeys that pump oil from the ground!

Close to half-way the province, I veered further south towards the US border onto gravel roads to see Castle Butte, a 200ft-high knoll left in the landscape during the Ice Age (not sure I trust that info, as I thought buttes are of volcanic origin). Looming high above the flat prairie land I tried to climb up it (where other people already were so I was not completely stupid yet) but it got too steep for my non-hiking shoes and then instead of coming down on my butt as I should have, I tried to walk it and ended up running at full speed down the slope... I got really extremely lucky I didn't fall and break any/all body parts!! 😳😳 I did end up semi-twisting both ankles which I still feel 2 weeks later, but instead of complaining I am grateful that that was the worst of it! Phew...

The adventures of the day didn't stop with that because a bit later I ran over and killed a duck! 😫 With lots of dark skid marks on the gravel, I only realized too late that there were 4 full-sized ducks sitting in the middle of the road and although I braked as much I safely could, I had no choice than to go over them and hope they all fit between my wheels... 3 survived (likely with a heart attack!) and one didn't. I've had very little roadkill in the 20+ years driving, and definitely nothing as big as this so that was quite upsetting!

My mood improved however when I arrived at Grasslands National Park, which consists of two blocks some 170km apart; the east block that I visited first protects a vast expanse of badlands, whereas the west block where I was camping that night represents Canada's largest tract of untouched native prairielands (which covered most of North America's central region until the settlers came ranching & farming). I'm trying not to overkill with pictures but both areas were very very pretty and I would urge anyone to make a trip out here!

On the east side, there's a few hikes but it was so hot that I simply drove along the Badlands Parkway with interpretative signs explaining the geology and the natural & human history of the area. The badlands seem at first glance quite monotone but then I discovered flowers, prickly pear cacti, gophers (ground squirrels of which I had already spotted lots on the road) and even a pronghorn antilope!

The clouds pushed by the wind kept changing the light patterns, highlighting in turn different hills, so it was great to sit for a while in a red chair and see the scenery constanly change.

Hot and tired, I made the trek to the other block passing enroute another grain elevator, after which I set up camp on the beautiful prairie without a single tree (with a fence though to protect against the bison)! My pic of the sunset doesn't do it justice, but you can imagine how pretty the sky was, and as this is a dark sky preserve, I stayed up late (after midnight, which doesn't happen often anymore 😜) to watch the Milky Way in its full glory.

The next morning, I had a clear task; prairie dog and bison hunting, which are the two key species of the park. A gopher (top left pic) had already been running all morning around my site (he shouldn't have built his hole next to the firepit), so when I spotted the first prairie dog (top right pic) in one of the park's colonies or "dog towns" I was a bit confused as they looked the same to me! 😂 Turns out the prairie dogs are about twice the size and much more afraid of humans, although they loved eating the dead bugs from my car bumper and tires 😍 which meant that although it was impossible to get up close while walking as the first prairie dog would bark to warn the entire colony and then all disappeared, they had no problem with the car being close to them... funny how humans impact nature in weird ways sometimes!

The bison were more elusive, as they truly don't like people, and although a herd of 500 of them is maintained in the park (with surplus animals being exported to other parks for reintroduction), the enclosed area is so large for them to roam in that they have plenty of places to hide. So I slowly made my way through the park with my binoculars on hand, learning along the way about a homestead that had managed to ranch cattle for a few years but then had to abandon because it was simply too hard to survive on the barren land, the different native grasses that make up the prairieland, a bison rubbing rock and a stone tipi ring, all the while enjoying the views.

And then finally, when I had given up and was enroute to the village to get gas, I first saw a lone bison chugging through the grass, and then at the outermost corner of the enclosure, suddenly there was a group of 40 bison, including a few calves, that were grazing and rolling in the dirt. I promise I could see them much clearer in my binoculars than the little black specks in the picture! 😁

By the time I got to the village a massive rainstorm broke out so good reason to drop by the visitor centre and confirm it was a golden eagle (much bigger than bald eagles) that I had seen on a pole. I first didn't understand the gas "station" set-up as you needed to pull some levers to get it going, but finally managed to fill up the car once more.

That evening, the skies blackened suddenly with a thunderstorm and the wind was so strong that the tent started sliding away (the neighbour's did blow away) so I threw in as many stones I could find, parked my car in front of the tent to form a bit of a windshield and waited it out in the car... no way I was going to stay in the tent on this flat land! Luckily the storm passed quite quickly after which I had a drink with my neighbours to laugh it out, but I did end up sleeping in the car (for the first time and quite comfortably!) as rain came & went with some more lightning in the night.

When I drove off in the morning towards the Alberta border, I finally got the promised Living Skies Land with blue skies and golden fields, seeing the Prairies in all its hues 😊 I also saw another (the same??) herd of bisons on the way out of the park as well as another smaller golden eagle and several antelopes 😍

After a relatively short drive, I arrived at the Cypress Hills Interprovincial Park, which straddles the border between Saskatchewan and Alberta, consisting again of two blocks. Although I had planned again to visit the eastern block first and camp in the western one, a staff member pointed out that I was actually staying in the eastern block so that saved me another 1.5 hours drive! 👍 The park is unfortunately not very natural and has been developed as a resort with mini-golf, golf course, swimming pool etc so I was a bit disappointed. The nature that there is, is being protected because it's on a hill standing 500m above the plains so it was not glaciated and has therefore unique plant life (including trees) that doesn't occur anywhere else in the region but they haven't done a good job at protecting it! I had great internet at a viewpoint so ended up sitting on a bench there for 4 hours booking my next set of accommodations 😃 while occasionally hearing loud grunting lower on the hill which I presume was an angry moose so I didn't have any urge to go explore further!

Next day, I would be driving into Alberta, so this was Saskatchewan for now until I return further north on my way back. Adieu!

Wildlife: 1 coyote & 1 deer (Red Coat Trail), 100+ ground squirrels (gophers), 100+ prairie dogs, 43 bison in the afternoon and 50 bison in the morning, 2 golden eagles, 2 ferruginous hawks, 1 deer, 5 pronghorn antilopes (Grasslands), 3 red-tailed hawks & 3 deer (Cypress Hills)

SUPs: none

Hikes: no real ones, just lots of little sidetrips to viewpoints

Distance driven since the last map (I'm losing track of the weeks 😉 but it's been a while all the way from Sleeping Giant): 1,925 km

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harrison-abbott · 18 days ago

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Liam and Holly

Liam used to work with this girl called Holly. Her pigtails were nice to look at; and when she wore her eyeliner a certain arrowlike way, her eyes were endearing too. The joint they worked at was super boring. A little hotel situated in the dregs of the city. Minimum wage. Liam was never especially gregarious. Though he noticed Holly a few times, he rarely had the bravado to say things.

She was far chummier with his colleague. Who was a funny, loud guy called Johnathon. And so when there were the occasional social patterns of drinking after a shift, Holly and Johnathon would talk together, whereas Liam didn’t quite key in to the chat.

But there was one other time when Liam and Johnathon were alone. And Johnathon mentioned that he found Holly attractive. “Yeah,” Liam said, “she’s a good looking dame.” And then Johnathon went and told Holly about that. On another night when they were out dancing. Holly said she liked Liam as well. Liam then tried to speak to her on the dancefloor. She looked up at him, once, with her big eyes. Ladies can be total liquorice when it comes to flirting and they use their eyes with a sugary brilliance that men can never quite emulate.

He asked her a few questions. She winced and looked away from him. Okay so there was that mutual sexual confirmation there but she wasn’t sure how to deal with it tonight.

A few weeks later she left the hotel. Got another job.

But Liam saw Holly a few months after that. By chance. In another part of the city. She was out with mates. He as well. And when they bumped into each other they started speaking. Speaking! All of a sudden they were conversing. She had the courage of alcohol in her; but she was coherent too. They spoke about the head chef that had tormented them, back in that shoddy hotel they used to work in. Was fun to bitch. Then Holly drifted away, to another table with her friends. And he with his mates. But she kept looking up at him; when he looked over at her. Liam could feel her eyes. Oh, the remarkable power of eyeballs. There was a leaden humidity to her presence the other side of the room.

After an hour, she was leaving. She passed him on the bar floor. “Are you going?” he said. “Yeah,” she said and she hugged him and he felt her thin body and the fairy bones of her ribcage. “Can I chum you home?” he said. She smiled and said Sure.

They were now out in the night street. With the neon lights sparkling and the sense of likeable danger in the air. Liam and Holly talked. Sparky dialogue. He wasn’t usually amusing but when he was making jokes she was laughing. Liam figured he was doing well. And there was that storybook fantasia of being with a pretty young lady; that’d inspired to many songs he’d known across his life; movies, too; the blush of romance. And it went this way until they got to the end of the high street. And they were needing to cross the road. Liam thought he would edge near her. She looked up at him again, with those flirty global eyes. He saw this as the cue. And leaned down and pecked her on the lips. They felt like butterflies and tulips.

“Yuck!” she squealed. “I have a boyfriend, you idiot. Go home now – I don’t want to walk with you anymore.” And Holly sped away from him. With her shoes clip clopping away in short violent smacks.

#writeblr #creative writing #writers on tumblr #spilled ink #tumblr writers #prose #stories #short fiction #fiction #short story

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solarpunkani · 2 years ago

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"But Ani, why do you think solarpunks should make worm bins?"

A lot of reasons! If you're wanting to start a garden, or if you already have a garden, a worm bin can be a great addition to get you compost (albeit not as large an amount of compost as a traditional compost pile but I digress). They're somewhat small, so they can be tucked into a corner of the garden or even in your house under the sink or in the garage. (I keep my bin outside but I digress). Even if you personally don't garden, if you have a friend who gardens, you could possibly trade worm castings for something else? Bartering and all. Yknow.

They're pretty low maintenance, in my experience--though I'll make clear, this is coming from a person who lives in Florida and keeps their bin outside, so when it comes to my experience your mileage may vary. I keep my bin in the shade by a tree, started off with about a pound of worms. Making it wasn't super complicated--mine is a big storage bin with holes drilled into the bottom and lid, with a layer or two of weedblock on the bottom. Filled it with torn up paper and dirt, released the worms, tossed in some food, and we were off to the races. Asides from adding that weed block layer and stacking it on top of like. 2 bricks. I haven't had to do any maintenance at all.

"But Ani don't you need a lot of food scraps to feed the worms" well that depends on what you consider a lot. But I'll say this. My home currently consists of me, my mom, and my dad (and my dog but she's not contributing food scraps to the worm bin). When I made the bin in 2020, my parents didn't think we'd make enough scraps to feed the worms. Now, in 2023, my dad worries we are feeding the worms too much. I suggested making a second bin to him, and he said 'huh. Maybe.' Whereas convincing him to let me make the first bin took months. You would be surprised at what all can go in a worm bin--especially if you aren't super picky about weeds and plant cuttings going in. In my experience, the only thing my worms don't like are grass clippings. Almost anything that isn't meat or already cooked can be worm bin food. Cleaning the fridge and found a vegetable you forgot existed for 3 months? Worm bin. Your neighbors left their Jack-O-Lanterns on the side of the road on November 1st for the trash pickup? Worm bin. Family came over to cook for Thanksgiving and you've got corn husks, potato peels, cabbage scraps, egg shells, and all kind of stuff headed for the trash? Grab a ziploc bag and give it to the worms later. Like to snack on fruits? Rinds, cores, peels--worm bin time. Bread went bad? Worm bin time. Clearing up the garden to start a new season? Worm bin. If you really wanted, or had the dedication and size, you could even get a few neighbors contributing to the worm bin (note: I don't have any neighbors contributing to my worm bin, but the kids next door do like to come to the backyard and look inside).

I'm not gonna pretend to be the healthiest eater on the planet--I'm more than willing to admit that I'm picky as hell. Even so, lately I've been finding myself trying to eat more fruits and veggies for the sake of feeding the worms the scraps. Potential health benefits of worm bin.

"Ani you mentioned making a second worm bin?" Yup! And the process would be easy! Just make a second bin, take a scoopful or two of worms from the first bin and add them into the second. Give them some food, and bam! Worms multiply fairly quickly, and will continue to eagerly reproduce according to how much food they're getting--large, consistent feedings means more worms, but even a handful can munch through a nice amount!

Now, you gotta keep in mind that earthworms are invasive in some areas--I know some parts of the US don't have native earthworms, so the ones that are brought over can do serious damage to forests there. If you're in those areas, either be extremely cautious with your worm bin or don't keep one.

Buuut I would like to encourage the Solarpunks to at least consider a worm bin. Let the wriggly guys into your heart.

PS: you don't gotta touch the worms with your hands at any point in the process. At most, I've held them with gloved hands, but usually I'm using either a hand shovel or a big shovel to dig into the bin.

PPS: if you keep your bin outside sometimes things will get inside. I've gotten small frogs, baby lizards, and occasionally roaches (which was mostly when I was putting pizza boxes in the bin, when I stopped doing that I stopped getting any/as many roaches in the bin). IDK about indoors though that's not my ballpark.

Dear Solarpunks

Consider making a worm bin.

Strong message to follow.

#vermicomposting #worm bin #compost #gardening #ani rambles #out of queue

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luveline · 4 years ago

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self-preservation [remus lupin x reader]

"You know what I thought when I first saw you?" he asked you, almost whispering, pulled tight against his chest, “‘she looks like she's going to ruin me,’" he finished, pushing his lips against your neck, forcing your head up. Your heart pounded loudly in your chest as he adorned your throat with sweet, open-mouthed kisses, your coworkers sat mere inches away.

wordcount: 10.2k

tags: smut, nsft, 18+ only please, coworkers to friends to ???, muggle reader, fem reader, she/her pronouns used for reader, marauders era, post Hogwarts, no Voldemort au, semi-public (bathroom) sex, anxious reader

You peered into the mirror of your bathroom reluctantly. Freshly ironed uniform, check. Hair in a neat ponytail, check. Name tag, check. You felt like you were forgetting something important but that was unlikely.

You were already oily. You blotted the shine away from your skin, feeling your lips pull down into a frown. Your stomach was aching with nerves, having spent hours last night curled up in bed worrying about this morning - your first day at your new job.

You weren't a job hopper, per say, but you were also slightly cowardly in that when things got too hard you gave up. Self-preservation, you told yourself. Even though this job was an hour away from your house, and the bus only came once every hour on your route which was 50 minutes before your shift or 50 minutes after it (whereas your old job had only been a ten minute walk) you’d still quit. You'd have to find ways to kill time.

Turning from the mirror you set your eyes on your backpack. It was from your school days, dark bottle green and worn at the corners with dirty corners and a busted zip. You opened it to check you had everything you needed: your lunch, your purse, your cassette player, and a book.

You locked your door behind you and set off down the street and then up the steep hill to the bus stop. It was drizzling out and you didn't have a working umbrella, so you pulled the hood of your coat over your hair and kept your head down.

You dodged the familiar potholes and crossed the main road with ease, having done it almost everyday for the last 4 years since school ended. You wondered if you'd ever learn to drive, or get a real job, a real career.

You sighed, sitting down on the sorry excuse for a bench inside the bus shelter, and pushed the thoughts from your mind. There was no point in wondering about these things - it was unlikely your life would change now. Any hope for a more interesting life was a way to set yourself up for disappointment.

You didn't mind the life you lead now. You had acquaintances, your family sometimes, a nice neighbour in the flat opposite. You had your books, your TV, music, the movies. You found peace in the long bus rides and the long wait for the long bus rides, and you couldn't really do anything else, anyway.

The bus pulled in. You climbed on, paid the driver, and took an open seat close to the front before opening your backpack on your lap to start up your cassette player. You turned the tape, put your headphones on and clicked play. By the time that side of the cassette had finished, you should be about 10 minutes away from the supermarket. You couldn’t read on the bumpy bus without getting terrible motion sickness, so you closed your eyes and let the cassette play.

It was your favourite album. You must've set this cassette back to the beginning a hundred times to listen to the first song. It was a love song, you thought, maybe not the everyday man's love song, but a love song all the same.

You’d almost drifted back off to sleep. Waking up at 5AM that morning after a few meagre hours that consisted mostly of tossing and turning had left you tired. The cassette clicked, having finished, and you jolted up, trying to work out what stop you were at. You’d tested the route out a few times, once before the interview, once for the interview, and then again yesterday to make sure you had it down.

You were lucky. Had you waited a minute more you could’ve missed it.

A few other passengers were getting off at this stop, though it was still an hour and ten minutes before the supermarket opened. Maybe they wanted to show up early too. You followed a slower older woman off the bus and stopped by the back door and located the side door your manager had shown you a few days prior. When you’d explained the bus delay to her she had given you the okay to sit in the break room before and after your shifts, though they’d often be locking up if you worked the second shift. You weren’t looking forward to waiting outside in the dark for almost an hour by yourself.

That was a worry for another day - today you were working the first shift, the early shift, and so you’d be able to wait in the break room.

Your manager wasn't in the room, though the door was open. You walked over to the little cubby she'd labelled with your name. It was next to a 'Remus'. You smiled, it was a nice name, one you didn't hear often.

You shoved your coat and backpack into the cubby and sat down at one of three tables with your front facing the door just in case. Then you opened your book. It was literary fiction, something serious and heart-rending that regularly had you feeling emotions that were much too big.

Time passed quickly. Your manager popped in after half an hour and said hi, made a cup of coffee while she chatted about your first day responsibilities and how somebody named Daniel would be showing you the ropes. Don't worry, Y/N, it's easy work.

You nodded and asked her how she was. She answered enthusiastically and offered you a drink, which you declined. Not because you didn't want one, you craved something that would warm your stiff fingers, but because you felt like any extension of a want or need was impolite. The last thing you wanted was to be a burden.

"Alright love. If you change your mind, help yourself. Oh, and Daniel already knows he's in charge of you so keep an eye out for him, he'll be in any second now."

Daniel was not anywhere to be seen for another ten minutes. You were reading your book without really reading it, eyes following the words but not digesting them. You turned the pages regardless.

The outside door opened. You seized up and laid your book down flat to seem friendlier.

There was a guy in the doorway. He was beautiful. Maybe the most breathtaking boy you’d ever seen. He was also the tallest boy you'd ever seen in real life, which was mildly perturbing. He had, illuminated by the industrial lights, multiple scars on his face, like he'd been in a knife fight or four. There was a thicker one in the middle of his face beginning at the bottom of his cheek and bisecting over the bridge of his nose to strike just beneath his eyebrow and then through it, and one starting under his mouth to come up diagonally past his nose.

You'd been staring. He realised this. You felt terrible.

"Hi," you said awkwardly.

"Hi."

He went over to the cupboard and you realised you'd fucked up quite badly quite quickly.

"I'm Y/N."

He didn't answer. You twisted your fingers together. Perhaps the best route would be to apologise before it could get worse.

"I'm- I'm sorry for staring. Really. Sorry," you said apologetically. His shoulders tensed up and then relaxed.

"It's okay. Hard not to, I suppose."

"It's still not fair. I'm sorry."

He'd shed his coat and was closing the cupboard. "Don't worry about it."

You tried to ask his name. He was already out the inside door.

You felt more sick than you had in days. First day on the job, first fuck up. Perhaps you should quit this job too, you were thinking, when Daniel came in.

"Y/N?" he didn't wait for you to answer, "I'm Dan. Let's get stacking!"

Dan said this as though stacking would be an irreplaceable experience in life to be had nowhere else. In reality, it made you want to cry. You wondered over and over if you couldn't actually do this, or anything.

The fun part was pushing the cage full of produce to the right aisle, and the terrible part was moving the product to the shelves on the aisles. You suspected you were sweating under your supermarket polo, and elected to keep your arms close to your body in case.

Dan was chatty.

“So, why here?”

“What?”

“Why work here? Sue says you live ages away.”

You shrugged. “I saw you guys were hiring.”

“Trouble finding one closer to home?”

“Yes,” you said, even though it wasn’t explicitly true.

“Well, you live even further away than Lupin.”

“Lupin?” you asked, shoving the plastic and cardboard from a tray of tinned food into the rubbish bag on the cage.

“Tall, dark, handsome? Has the-“ Dan gestured to his face.

You flushed, embarrassed at the memory. “I think I got off on the wrong foot with him this morning.”

Dan shoved a full tray of soup tins behind an emptier one at the front, wiping his forehead with his hand. “He’s not a big talker. But he’s nice. He lives ages away near the posh houses. Can’t be that posh if he works here with us, of course,” Dan said, laughing to himself. You hummed in answer and ripped open a new tray.

You and Dan had the same lunch break. He quizzed you over your respective sandwiches on your schooling, your family, things like that. He was friendly and you were glad Sue had asked him to oversee you. You worried that had it been the Lupin boy from earlier you would’ve spent the hours aware of every single thing about you. Attractive people made you nervous. Daniel was attractive enough, dark-skinned and chiselled but softened by age, with a moustache that twisted up at the corners. He was also older than your dating pool by about twenty years, you guessed. He was a typical fatherly figure.

He was so chatty you were almost glad when you went back to work, stacking slowed his questions for a reprieve every now and then. You hadn’t told anyone so many things about you since your last general practitioner appointment.

It was exhausting in a way. You felt overwhelmed at the attention, startled with his questions and mortified with your answers. You tried to return his questions so that you didn’t have to talk so much, and he was more than happy to answer them, but he still kept asking and asking.

By the time you’d finished for the day and said goodbye to Dan you wanted to collapse. In the same seat as before in the staff room you leaned your head against the desk, covering your ears. You’d be able to stay like this for about forty minutes before you had to get ready for the bus, you figured.

The silence was blissful. You measured each breath, weary of being too loud even though the room was empty.

The next day was almost exactly the same, with the exception of embarrassing yourself in front of Lupin. When you told him good morning, he said good morning back and then nothing else. He took his coat off, put his things away, and left. You tried not to watch him, and then felt as though refusing to look at him might’ve been worse than staring.

You and Dan ate lunch with some other people. Lupin was nowhere to be seen, and you wondered if he ate. He looked on the skinnier side, so perhaps he didn’t.

You crossed his path once on the way to a new aisle to replenish. He was sitting at one of the front tills. There was a brown-skinned boy with dark hair and glasses monopolising him; they were both leaning towards each other in familiarity, and when the boy laughed Lupin’s mouth twitched up at the corners. God, you thought, where were they making these attractive guys, and why were they gathered at this supermarket of all places?

You felt even worse for wear. Every day for the rest of the week was the same, and the cycle was comforting and exhausting at once. When Sue asked if you wanted to work on Saturday you said yes because you didn’t feel like it was professional to say no. Dan didn’t work weekends, she told you, so you’d be doing it by yourself. This was fine by you, though you suspected the tiredness of waking up before dawn and sleeping well after sundown would finally catch up with you. As you waited for the bus that evening at the end of your shift, forcing your face down into your arms to breathe, you fell asleep. It couldn’t have been long, twenty minutes, and when you woke up you felt better. You checked your watch and sighed in relief - you still had time before the bus.

You squinted. On the table beside you was a bar of chocolate. You were hesitant to pick it up in case it was somebody else’s but the room was empty and it had been placed close to your head. Why would somebody leave it so close to you if it wasn’t meant for you?

It must’ve been Sue, you decided, taking the chocolate into your hands. The cardboard sleeve was embossed. You ran your fingers over the edges and smiled.

The next week was more of the same. Get up early, take the long bus ride, wait in the staff room for almost an hour before your shift and pretend to read so the time isn’t wasted, work, eat lunch, work, wait some more, usually with your face covered to hide from the sterile white lights, and then get the bus home again. When you got home, you showered, ate something if you could manage it, and went to bed.

You’d lost a little bit of weight, probably from the transition phase of it all and your restlessness. You didn’t worry about gaining it back.

The week after that, Lupin was missing. You wanted to ask Daniel about it but couldn’t think of a way that didn’t come off as weird, because there wasn’t a reason that you could think of where you had any business knowing.

When he finally came back that Friday, he was pale. You ended up in the same aisle on opposite sides. He was slower than you; out of the corner of your eye you could see him wince everytime he bent down. You admitted to yourself that you were about to do something ridiculous, that it was a situation that could end up with you embarrassed, and then you started really stacking the shelves. As quietly as possible, of course, but soon you were done. Lupin still had half a cage left.

You stood next to him without saying anything and started helping.

“Y/N,” he said, first surprised, then guiltily, “you don’t have to.”

You shrugged, pleased he knew your name. “I have nothing else to do.”

You looked up into his face. Still ridiculously attractive, you thought to yourself miserably. He nodded at you and you kept working with him in tandem until there was only one row left. You took it before he could and slotted it behind the old product.

“Thank you,” he said once you’d finished.

You smiled as earnestly as you could manage without showing any teeth. “You’re welcome, Lupin.”

He laughed, wickedly, for a moment. It ended in wheezing.

The smile slid off your face. “What?” you asked in confusion.

“Sorry, it’s not you. Nobody calls me Lupin except Daniel. Uh - it’s Remus. Lupin’s my surname.”

Your ears were burning. “I’m sorry.”

“You couldn’t have known.”

You set your eyes on the floor. “It’s a nice name. You don’t hear it much anymore, what with the fall of Rome and all,” you joked nervously.

He laughed again, softer this time. You pushed your hands together tightly.

“You know that story?” he asked.

“Remus and Romulus, raised by wolves,” you said. “You have a twin brother?”

He grimaced.

“No.” He pushed his cage away without saying anything else, and you wondered what you’d done wrong this time.

There was a girl crying in the frozen foods aisle. Her mother was likely somewhere in the store but she was inconsolable. She couldn’t have been more than 6 or 7 years old, you guessed from where you were standing. You’d heard the crying and gone to investigate and found Remus already there, on his knees and talking quietly to the girl. She didn’t notice, led out on the ground crying her eyes out.

“Hey,” Remus said, so quietly you had to strain to hear him, “you like magic?”

The girls crying cut off abruptly. She looked up at Remus with wide eyes, breathing hard, and nodded. Remus smiled at her gently - the most vulnerable expression you’d seen on his face since meeting him almost a month ago.

“Can I have your hair clip?” he asked her, opening his palm. When the girl looked hesitant, he cracked a smile. “I promise I’ll give it back.”

She slid it from her hair and deposited it in his left hand with the care that only children possess. Remus closed his fingers around it and put both of his hands behind his back.

“What hand do you think it’s in?”

“That one!” she said, pointing at his left arm. Remus made a face like she was right and he was shocked, pulling his left hand from behind his back. When he opened his palm, it was empty.

“That’s not magic! You just moved it!” she protested.

Remus raised his eyebrows, facial expressions all exaggerated, and showed her his right hand too. Both palms were empty. The girl got off of her back to quickly check behind his back and when she didn’t see the clip, she frowned. “Where did it go?”

“Oh!” Remus said, theatrical.

“What?” the girl asked, excited by his tone.

He held his hand up to her face in a silent question. The little girl walked towards him again. “Here,” he said, pulling the clip from behind her ear. “How did that get there?”

The girl’s eyes were round and large as saucers. She giggled, accepting the clip from his hand. “Wow! How did you do that?”

“A wizard never reveals his secrets.”

You snorted softly. He’d almost got it.

“Can you do it again?”

The tannoy sounded. “All exits are shut until we find a Miss Melanie Jones, 6 years old. Can all associates please keep an eye out for Melanie and return her to the front desk? Thank you.” That was Sue.

Remus made a sound of displeasure. “Sorry, Melanie, I think Mummy’s looking for you. Shall we go find her?”

Melanie nodded and forced Remus to take her hand. He looked surprised but didn’t pull away.

You thought about Remus in a fond light for a moment. He could’ve shepherded the girl to the front desk with much less kindness. His magic trick had befuddled you too. How had he hidden the clip when he was wearing the regulation short-sleeve polo? Between his fingers, maybe? You frowned before pushing it out of your mind and returning to your stacking.

You almost fell over the crate of water bottles you’d left behind. Putting the water bottles out on the shelves was probably the most tiring responsibility you had, not heavy enough to complain at first, but the more you lifted the more your arms ached. Stack-fatigue, Daniel called it good-humouredly. You called it hard fucking work.

It was ridiculous how many brands of water bottles there were, how many sizes, sparkling or still, flavoured or distilled. The four packs of litre bottles and the huge 5 litre flasks were the most tiring, and by the time you’d emptied the metal trolly you were aching and frazzled. You noted down what was still missing and pulled your cage back to the stock-room, which was more like a warehouse, really, but everyone called it the stockroom, a labyrinth of towering piles of merchandise and produce.

The sparkling water you needed was almost too high up for you. You knew you should’ve looked for the warehouse manager or at least an assistant, somebody more capable to reach the water for you, but you felt like you could get it yourself and you didn’t want to bother anyone. You caught the plastic wrap around the bottles and pulled, finding yourself seized in panic when the palate collapsed, and tens of bottles fell on the ground. The carbonation made them pop open like rockets, shooting water all over the ground, your shoes, your uniform and in your hair. It was strawberry flavoured, evidently, and not the ones you’d needed in the first place.

You wiped a dribbling line of water from the side of your face and stared at the mess in silence.

Pressing your hand to your sternum, you could feel your heartbeat where your fingers were touching each other.

Your chest was tightening, so tight. The small explosions, the sudden sound, the movement of it had made you flinch away and had started your racing heart, the anxiety of what had happened wouldn’t let it slow back down.

You stepped away from the growing pool of water with something like trepidation growing in your head. Would you be sacked for this? Shouted at? How could you fix it?

Your chest was burning. You took in a ragged breath. You knew what was happening, just didn’t want it to be happening. You could feel strawberry flavoured water bleeding into your vest top and your bra, feel it licking your skin.

You backed up again into a person where you thought there would be space. You moved away, wincing. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re dripping,” Remus said.

“Yes,” you said uselessly. Your heart was beating loudly in your ears, and your voice had an underwater quality to it.

“Did you get hurt?” he asked, voice laden with concern.

You tried to say no but you couldn’t get the word out. You shook your head, blinking hard to prevent tears.

“Hey,” he said, voice reminiscent of how he’d spoken to Melanie. “It’s okay. Stuff like this happens more often than you’d think.”

You nodded again, shoving your useless hands deep into your pockets.

He nodded. “You can go get changed, if you want. I’ll sort this out.”

A larger part of you knew you should’ve refused - you weren’t a child, you needed to clean up after yourself. A larger part wanted to go cry in the bathroom. “Okay,” you mumbled, turning away from him.

You cried in the bathroom like you couldn’t breathe, pressing your hands into your eyes. You didn’t bother turning the lights on. You imagined that you looked a pathetic picture, sat there in the dark gasping for breath and smothering any sound. Trying to stay quiet made it so much worse. You felt your brain burning in your skull and your eyes began to hurt.

Resigned to the waves of sheer anxiety moving through you, you stumbled into the sink and grabbed for your spare clothes you’d put on top of the toilet tank. It was lucky you had them at all as you’d only been given them a few days ago. Before that you’d been living in one uniform.

You stripped down to your underwear and kicked the clothes into a pile you’d pick up later, using a tissue to dry the line of stickiness around your necklace. You pulled the shirt over your wet head, shaking it down. You patted at your strawberry stained underwear with a dry section of your discarded top and pulled your trousers up over them. You had to keep your damp socks on from a lack of replacements.

You could breathe properly by this point. You washed your face of smudged make-up in the sink, leaning giver it to let the drips fall back down into the porcelain.

You patted your face dry and gathered your sticky clothes into a ball, pushing the door open.

Remus was leaning against the wall. He stood ramrod straight when he saw you. You paused like a deer-in-headlights, wondering if he’d heard you crying.

“Have you finished already?” you asked him, clearing your throat.

“Didn’t take long. Mopping,” he said awkwardly.

You hummed. “Thanks.”

“Are you alright?”

You squished your ball of clothes tighter. “I’m fine.”

“I have a friend who doesn’t like loud noises either.”

Your shoulders came up. “I have bad nerves.”

“It’s alright. I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

Your eyebrows pulled together. His concern was admirable, sure, but it felt weird after the frosty exterior you were used to. The image you had of him in your mind - not necessarily mean, but closed off; not rude, but private - was reforming.

“I’m really sorry,” you said.

“It’s fine. Doesn’t come out of my pay,” he said lightly.

You winced. “At least it was sparkling water.”

“Sue won’t actually dock you. She’s smashed too many bottles of amaretto to enforce that rule.”

You smiled wanly. “You didn’t have to do that for me;”

He shrugged. “You didn’t have to for me either,” he said. You figured he meant your help a few days ago.

“Was Melanie okay afterwards?” you asked, a deflection.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “You saw that?”

“You were good with her.”

“I have practice,” he said.

“How did you do it?” you asked him, lips quirked up in an awkward smile. “The trick?”

“You heard what I said to Melanie, a wizard never reveals his secrets.”

You shifted from foot to foot. “It’s ‘magician’. A true magician never reveals his secrets,” you corrected peaceably.

His easy smile stuttered. “Is it?” he asked, voice raised an octave.

“I think so,” a polite way to say yes.

He laughed suddenly. It sounded rehearsed.

“Yeah,” you sighed, looking down at your shoes. “I’ll go put these in my bag and then find Sue and explain. Thanks for cleaning up my mess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said kindly.

“You really do mop quickly.”

“Another magic trick.”

“You wanna teach me that one?”

“Maybe one day.”

It got quite dismal after that. Time moved on, a week, two, and December was here. Working Christmas shifts in retail made you understandably homicidal. People were rude and pushy, bossing you around or getting mad with you for the littlest inconveniences. It was wearing everybody down. Luckily, Dan stayed his usual happy self to keep morale up, and Sue continued to provide you with chocolates and sweets though she hadn’t shown it was her. You found them in your rucksack and your cupboard, but never again after you’d fallen asleep at the table (which happened often).

To deal with the extra strain you accepted Sue’s proposition of double shifts. You didn’t mind until you did, starting everyday and thinking, hey, yesterday wasn’t so bad! And then getting to the end of the day and vowing to never do it again. It wasn’t your choice, alas, and so you kept working.

Remus disappeared again for a few days again. His eyes were pinched at the corners with pain when he came back. He never complained, stocking and serving and cleaning without so much as a huff.

You ended up working late shifts with him. The new Christmas hires were all young bar one mother, and they were all nosey, asking questions they shouldn’t be asking about Remus. You’d known him for over a month and held your tongue, but some random young man with too much hair gel asked Dan while you were all putting your coats on, “What’s up with Lupin?”

Remus had left barely moments ago. New guy had wasted no time.

“What do you mean?” Dan asked, voice a shade from his usual friendly tone.

“He looks constipated.”

Dan cleared his throat. “Let’s all try and have some compassion, huh? Lupin’s business is his, and it’s not kind to talk about your coworkers behind their backs.”

The boy was unphased. “I’m just saying.”

You said goodbye, preferring to wait in the cold bus stop than to listen to this. Dan gave you a pleading look, as if to say, don’t leave me with these people. You smiled at him like you were clueless and left the staff room.

Remus was leaning against the hood of his car, smoking a cigarette. You smiled at him as you walked past and said, “See you tomorrow, Remus.”

He smiled, flicking ash on the ground with practised fingers. “See you tomorrow.”

You nodded, ducking under the bus shelter. It was cold - blisteringly so, you’re fingers stiff holding open your paperback. You leaned on the bench and tried not to watch Remus finish his cigarette, ignoring with dedication the way his lips pursed around it, his steady fingers holding it there.

You felt yourself relax at the sound of his door opening and shutting. It felt egotistical to worry that he’d been watching you, but you had been. You turned a page. You hadn’t been reading it properly.

The door opened again.

“Y/N!” Remus called, not so loudly, he’d come around the side of the car to talk to you. “You want a lift home?”

“That’s okay.”

“The bus won’t come for ages and it’s freezing,” he said lightly, “you’re on the way.”

You gripped your book between both hands. “If you’re sure.”

“Yeah.”

He opened the door for you and shut it behind you. You shoved your backpack under your shoes and melted into the old leather seat, the mild warmth of the car miles better than the frigid air outside. Remus got in the driver’s side and turned the heaters on. You held your cold fingers over them, shivering.

He put the car in reverse and turned out of the car park to follow the main road out. You turned around to assess something you thought you’d seen getting in.

“You have kids?” you asked him, looking at the car seat strapped in.

“No, my friends do. One kid.”

“I see.”

You both searched for something to say.

“How old is he?”

“He turned 3 a few months ago. Do you have kids?”

You laughed to yourself, high pitched and ugly. You cleared your throat. “No. Do you think I look old enough?”

“I guess not,” he signalled, looking down both sides of the road for oncoming cars, “though James started young - that’s Harry’s dad,” he said, tilting his head backwards at the car seat. “He had him at 18.”

“I don’t think I could make beans on toast at 18.”

“I still can’t,” Remus said, laughing.

“I’m useless in the kitchen, almost as useless as I am at work.”

“I’m insulted if you think you’re bad.”

Remus had turned the heaters up so high you unzipped your cost and pulled it off, rather than suffering the next 40 minutes sweating like an idiot. “You’re wicked fast with a mop.”

“You’re easily impressed, Y/N.”

“Must be ‘cos of how tall you are, long legs and all that. I wish my legs were longer.”

“Your legs are perfect. Uh, not that I’m looking at them. Well, not that I’m not. Just. Your legs are fine the way they are,” he said. You watched his face develop colour, flustered.

You looked down at your thighs and knew you were blushing too. “Thanks,” you said, throat dry.

“Don’t mention it. Please.”

Remus drove you home most days after that. It slowly got less awkward, thankfully, and you felt as though maybe you were starting to be friends, which might’ve been inevitable considering you spent upwards of 40 minutes a day together, and that he was undoubtedly nice.

You gave him a Christmas card on Christmas Eve, which you both worked, and he gave you one in return on Boxing Day, which you also both worked, apologising that he hadn’t had the forethought. You felt a deep affection for his bumbling sorry, assuring him that it was more than fine. He also gave you a bar of chocolate, and you looked at the packaging with inquisitive eyes. It was the same as the ones that often appeared when you were having a bad day. You opened your mouth to ask him, had he been the one who’d been leaving you sweets? But you couldn’t get the words out.

The night before the New Year’s Eve work’s do, you sidled up to his checkout with a new familiarity. You’d developed a teasing friendship, based mostly on jokes about how lovely your legs were. He’d eventually stopped responding with bashfulness, working through mild irritation and was now openly teasing right back.

“Wow, nice legs. You walked them here by yourself?” he asked, fiddling with the tills card reader.

“Starting early today?”

“Getting my digs in before you.”

You rolled your eyes, leaning your arse against the metal casing of the conveyor belt so your back was too him. You turned your neck so he could see half your face whilst you kept an eye out for Sue.

“If Sue sees you over here she’ll make you close again.”

You groaned. “Fuck, I hope she doesn’t. I was 2 minutes away from missing the bus last time, and it’s the last one on rotation.”

“Don’t slack and you won’t get in trouble,” he said pointedly, leaning back in his desk chair.

You gave him a sardonic smile.

“Jerm giving you trouble?”

Jerm was Jeremiah. He was the crunchy-haired boy who’d asked Dan about Remus almost two weeks ago. He was proving to be worse and worse as time went on. Smarmy.

“He wants to know if I’m going to the party tomorrow,” you told Remus, irritated.

“Are you?”

You sighed, letting your shoulders fall back. “I’m not sure, I’m not… I don’t do stuff like that. If that makes sense. Are you going?”

He smirked in his way. You’d find him smug if he wasn’t so charming. “Sure, I’ll go if you do.”

You bit your lip. You were scared to go to the party; you hadn’t enjoyed any socialisation outside of work in years without the close company of nausea.

“What will I wear?” you asked finally, resigned to your fate.

“Something that shows off those lovely legs, if you please.”

You wore a thigh-hugging pair of trousers and a fancy top from two years ago and covered it all up with a jumper that was too big for you.

The pub was two more stops on the bus than work. You sat there twiddling your thumbs with nothing better to do having left your rucksack at home in favour of a small shoulder bag. You could fit your purse inside and that was about it, but it looked nicer than your rucksack which hadn’t felt appropriate for a night out.

You got off in town, walked the five minutes through the drizzling rain to the pub and pushed in. It was nice as locals went. There was the regular group of middle-aged men drinking dark pints by the bar where the radio was playing some kind of sports commentary, the young people with nothing better to do, and a festive atmosphere considering the occasion.

Working at the supermarket meant that there were more than a couple of coworkers you knew at least by name and got along with well enough. You sat in a seat right at the edge of the table, where your coworkers had already started ordering drinks. Some had even brought their partners, so there were almost too many conversations to listen to. Daniel smiled when he realised you’d joined them. “What are you drinking?” he cheered.

“I don’t know, Dan. I don’t usually drink,” you said, pushing your sleeves up so that your forearms were exposed. Your bracelet brushed against the sticky table.

“Have a martini with me,” one of the older women said.

You laughed nervously, “That’s much too sophisticated for me.”

“Cranberry and vodka?” Dan suggested.

“Can you taste the vodka?”

“I’d certainly hope so!”

You ordered one at the bar. You took a hesitant sip, feeling the eyes of the older men on your face. You refused to acknowledge them, though you couldn’t hide your grimace at the taste of alcohol.

“I’ll have a lemonade and blackcurrant,” Remus said from behind you, offering the bartender a five pound note. “Hi,” he said to you.

“I’m so glad you came,” you said quickly, leaning your elbows on the cold countertop. “I was getting peer-pressured.”

“By who?” he asked, peering over your head at the table of your coworkers.

“Martha, mostly.”

“Fucking Martha,” you both laughed, “she’s on the martinis?”

“Unfortunately so.”

The bartender set his drink down in front of him. “Where are we sitting?”

We, he’d said. “At the end.”

“Great choice. I once ended up between Dan and his wife, somehow. Never again.”

You wedged yourself into the booth and let Remus have the chair, weary of his legs. He said hi to the few who bothered to greet him, smiled at Sue, who looked radiant, and didn’t touch his drink until you’d already finished yours.

For your refill you asked for a cranberry and vodka without the vodka to appease your coworkers. The later it got the more people flooded in, the pub got dimmer, louder, Remus’ chair pressed as close to the booth as it could be so your arms were touching to avoid people hitting him as they went past. It got more difficult to talk, shouting to hear each other over the din.

You and Remus got along well, these days. Sometimes you’d catch him with a look on his face, however, like he remembered you were new, and you’d stared at him, and you wanted so badly to ask him if it had ruined you for him.

Remus went for a cigarette. You used the moment to have a quick wee, and when you came back somebody had stolen his chair. You stood next to the booth for a while, swishing your cranberry juice in your cup like a whirlpool.

When he noticed the missing chair he laughed. “Chair thieves.”

You agreed with him. He beckoned for you to sit down and you insisted he take the seat instead. “I’m stretching,” you told him. He didn’t believe you but took your seat anyway and as the time went on you found yourself with your hand behind him, fingers pressed between his shirt and the booth wall in an easy comfort to support yourself.

It creeped up to 11PM. The pub was almost as dark as a city club, music was blaring and almost everyone was drunk. You’d barely had any alcohol but the atmosphere was infectious, and you found yourself laughing with abandon at Remus’s silly jokes and stories about things he and his friends had done during school.

“You really did that?” you asked from over the rim of your drink.

“His eyebrows grew back eventually! It was an accident, either way, we only meant to startle him!” Remus defended himself, turned to you. You giggled madly and finished what was left of your drink and put the glass on the table with a resolute click.

“You surprised me,” you said, leaning down enough so that he’d hear you in the loud room but not enough that he could smell the cranberry in your lips, “I thought you’d be better behaved, in school. You look so nice.” You went bright red. “You know, the gentle giant type.”

“You think?”

You opened your mouth wide with a smile to try and explain and was pushed roughly. Somebody had yelled, you’d turned, and that someone had ended up rushing past you with little finesse and took your feet from under you. You fell backwards into Remus’ lap, a sound of shock leaving you.

“Oh,” he said, like an oomf, hands coming up to grab you by the waist. You’d startled, your face was so close to his - inexplicably close, and suddenly everyone was shouting and cheering the countdown. You should’ve pulled away from him, he could’ve moved backwards, and yet you both stared at each other. Maybe it was the surprise of it, being face to face, maybe it was his laugh, or the way he’d looked at your mouth.

You hedged forward until you were a whisper from his mouth. The countdown was so close, people shouting, “3, 2, 1!”

You hoped, indulgently, he would lean forward too. But he didn’t.

Everyone was kissing and celebrating. You tried to get to your feet but Remus didn’t let your waist go.

“What?” you asked him. If he wasn’t going to kiss you, what could he want?

He licked his lips, eyes darting down to your own for a millisecond. “When we met, did you… what did you think of me?”

You frowned. “I thought you were the tallest boy I’d ever seen.”

“Only that?”

You bit your lip. “I thought you were attractive. And that you’d been in a bar fight.”

He turned his face from yours for a split-second, looking as though he was fighting a brief, terrible war with himself. You saw his eyes move to the side as if talking to somebody, a humorous smile on his lips, and then he moved back to kiss you.

You reciprocated without thinking, anchoring yourself on his shoulders. His grip was bruising, flush to your curves through your jumper. You both tasted of fruit, though the lingering alcohol and his recent cigarette were both present in the kiss too. He pulled back, holding a large hand to the side of your face carefully, looking between both of your eyes in a rapid motion that made you dizzy.

You leaned in for a second kiss, chasing his mouth with yours, hoping you were as good at it as he was. His hands made you feel so warm, his lips soft but firm on your own.

"Is this going to make the lift home awkward?" you asked him, breathing hard.

"Depends," he said quietly. "You going to your house or mine?"

"You want to take me home?"

He slipped his hand under the hem of your jumper and shirt and pressed his hand to your bare skin. He could hold an impressive amount of you with his long fingers, pressing you closer so you were forced to wrap your hands around his neck. "Guess."

You leaned back in, basking in the feeling of his skin on yours, his warmth, his smiling mouth. His hand inched up your back slowly. You weren't wearing a bra and he noticed, laughing against your mouth. It sounded pained.

You shifted in his lap, pressing your mouth to the skin near his ear. "There are parts of you that want to for sure. One specific part," you teased, wiggling into his lap.

"You know what I thought when I first saw you?" he asked you, almost whispering, pulled tight against his chest, “‘She looks like she's going to ruin me,’” he finished, pushing his lips against your neck, forcing your head up. Your heart pounded loudly in your chest as he adorned your throat with sweet, open-mouthed kisses, your coworkers sat mere inches away.

"How do I know you won't ruin me?" you asked him, your fingers spread out over his neck.

"I might," he said, distracted.

"Good," you murmured, "'cos I think I want you to."

"Get up," he commanded. You climbed to your feet, legs a bit wobbly from all the kissing, apprehension coiling in your tummy.

"Where are we going?" you asked him, letting him steer you by the shoulder down the corridor until you'd come to the women's bathroom.

"I'd love to take you home if home wasn't an hour away," Remus said, pushing into the bathroom with a confidence that you envied. You followed him, hesitantly catching the crook of his arm and holding on.

He smiled at you, assuring you nobody would come in. "And," he said, "if they do, you'll have to be quiet. Can you do that?"

You blushed madly and nodded, heat filling your face and your chest and your stomach. He pulled you into a stall and shut the door behind you, pushing the seat down. He looked as though he was going to pull something out of his trouser pocket but stopped himself, instead putting his hands on your shoulders and wedging you between the wall and himself.

He was tall, so tall, he had to bend down to kiss you. You pushed up on your tiptoes to meet him, and found his hands travelling the length of your body with little apology.

"You know," he murmured, as if it were a secret between the two of you, "I wasn't joking about your nice legs," he pushed his hand, flat palmed against your tummy, under your waistband, pulling the tight fabric from your skin.

You wouldn't be outmatched, you decided, kissing him in what you hoped was a distraction, feeling down his abdomen until you found what you were looking for. You rubbed the slack fabric over his hardened cock, incensed that it had been you who'd made him feel this way - handsome, pretty boy Lupin - revelling in the sound he made, deep in his throat.

"Let me get you ready," he said quietly, more to himself than you. He unbuttoned your trousers, the fabric stiff under his fingers. You winced at the effort it took to pull them down, slightly insecure about your hips. He bent down and you became embarrassed before he'd spoken, guessing what he was going to say.

"Nice legs," he said, kissing you on your left thigh, "lovely legs," he kissed it's twin, "what do they look like from the back?" He encouraged you to turn. "Just as I suspected."

"You're awful," you whispered.

He came up off his haunches again to press his body against yours, his dick prominent against your lower back, his hand coming around the front to runna finger down your underwear and skimming his fingertip over your cunt. He pressed it into the sensitive skin there, searching until you tensed. "Here?" he murmured.

The door opened. You seized up, covering Remus' hand with your own. He didn't stop, even when multiple sets of footprints came in. It was quieter in the bathroom than the main part of the pub but the music was still loud enough to cover the sounds of your breathing- only just.

Remus pushed your underwear aside. You begged yourself to stay quiet, pushing a hand backwards between you both in silent pleading for him to lessen his touch lest you make a sound and be discovered.

The girls who walked in were jabbering to each other, half drunk and friendly, about how good the other looked tonight.

Remus found your entrance, pushing in a single finger. His breathing tickled your eardrum as he whispered into the shell of your ear, "How's that feel? Okay?"

"Remus," you whispered back.

"What?"

You turned your head to the side and brought a finger up to your lips, a universal symbol for shut the fuck up, I beg.

"Communication is important."

The girls were laughing drunkenly, big whooping things. Footsteps grew close to the stall door.

"It feels nice," you whispered urgently, fervently, hoping the pounding bass and the girls' impaired senses covered it up.

"Was that so hard?"

He pushed in a second finger. You were tight with nerves, so worried somebody would come in and find you but undeniably turned on by Remus' all encompassing presence and touch. "Relax, sweetheart. I won't let anyone come in," he said, voice sure.

He kissed your neck, little nipping kisses that made you squirm, using his thumb to play with your clit in tight circles. The three in tandem had you melting in his arms, pushing your face into the cold brick wall.

"There you go, good girl. You feel fucking amazing."

You preened.

The girls left the bathroom, and the last inklings of rigidness seeped from your body. Remus was pleased. You could sense he was playing with himself behind you, his fingertips brushing your back with every stroke.

He helped you push down your underwear. You spread your legs, feeling nervous and excited at once. Remus cock between your legs surprised you and you jolted. He pushed your legs further apart and nudged the head against your wet slit gently, thrusting forward to rub against your clit and then back again.

He spat on his dick and rubbed it down the length of him. "You okay? Ready?"

"Yeah," you said.

He had one hand on your hip whilst the other guided his dick inside you, grip tight and thrusts shallow. Your fingers searched for purchase on the wall and found nothing.

When he pulled out you felt the loss keenly, shifting backwards to follow him. He appreciated your eagerness and thrusted back in, fast, pulling you onto him with your hips. The stretch was sharp and intoxicating, and you couldn't help the small pants that began peeling out of you as Remus established a rhythm.

You slowly got into the swing of it, your hips meeting, and Remus' hands began to wander. He creeped up your chest to cup your tit, tweaking the bud of your nipple with his fingers. You cried out in response.

"Uh-uh, what did I say?" he said, pinching, "You want somebody to hear us?"

You pushed your face into you shoulder. He snapped his hips forward. You knew it was on purpose and you felt too good to be mad, mewling his name softly.

"It's almost," he said, fucking now so that you were pressed to the wall and he was hilt deep, "like you want to be heard."

You laughed despite yourself, warped by pleasure. "You talk loud enough - somebody will find us eventually," you assured him, voice fraying towards the end. He'd pinched your nipple between his two fingers and was rolling it ruthlessly. Your tits felt heavy with lust, hard nipples sensitive against fabric that brushed against them with each thrust from Remus, every twist of his fingers feeling more cruelly pleasurable than the last.

"What are they gonna hear? You, taking me so nicely? Or these lovely sounds you make? God forbid," he goaded.

It was at that moment the door swung open again. You gasped, rocked by a thrust that had hit your sweet spot, and Remus reached up to cover your mouth. You would've rolled your eyes if you weren't so busy being fucked better than you had ever been before: he was all talk - he didn't want to be discovered either, he just loved to tease.

You moaned loudly against his hand and he stilled, waiting to see if you'd been heard. When nothing happened, he started up again, though it was now tantalisingly slow, like a punishment. Somebody opened the stall door next to you. You closed your eyes, trying to fight off the whining that carved through you - you were breathing hard and fast against his hand, holding onto his forearm with an iron grip.

You couldn't help but feel a sick, terrible pleasure that you were being fucked desperately, and that Remus wanted you so badly he was taking you in a pub bathroom. The secret was badly kept, even his slow thrusts were obviously rhythmic and immeasurably pleasurable.

He shushed you gently, pressing as close as he could. "Shush, pretty girl," he said, voice so quiet it was hardly discernible even to you. "Shhhh," he said, sending tingles straight to your centre. Despite the tight grip on your mouth he was still gentle, running his hand down the stretch of your torso, soothing, and pressing it against the curve of your tummy.

He pushed into you over and over. You moved your free hand down play with the button for your clit, much too content to feel his large hand stretched over your stomach, steadying you against his thrusts. You registered the sound of the bathroom door closing behind the unwelcome guest and sighed in relief. Remus hand fell away from your mouth, pulling your hair from your face where it had fallen. The sound of his hips hitting yours rose through the empty room, reverberating off the tile.

Remus pulled out and turned you around by the hips, pulling you up and into his arms and then leaning you against the wall, wedged tightly between his warm front and the cold wall. He pulled one of your legs over his hip and aligned himself again, rolling his hips forward. You watched Remus face crease in pleasure, his eyes crinkling at the corner. He wasn’t a quiet fuck, groaning like you’d imagined he might a few guilty times before when it was late and you were alone. Your shoulder blades rubbed against the wall as a consequence of his thrusts, and you could see on his face that he was close to cumming, the struggle to keep his eyes fully open as he drove into you plain as day on his face.

You pushed your face into his neck and he wrapped his arms around you, his dick never fully leaving you now. His thrusts became sloppy, short and deep inside you. You couldn’t catch your breath, the force of him forcing the air out of you. He moaned so loudly you took the initiative to cover his mouth with your hand. He nipped at it playfully, and finally he was cumming, pulling out of you to cum all over his hand.

He moaned as he milked the last of his cum out, white dripping down his wrist.

Your chest heaved, your core felt thoroughly fucked. You let your leg fall back down and stood on wobbly legs, missing him inside you. He caught his breath, wiping his clean hand against his mouth. He grabbed some toilet paper to wipe his hand clean and chucked it down the loo before shutting the lid, shrugging off his jacket and laying it over the white porcelain.

“Sit there,” he said. He commanded, really, but you knew you could say no. Curious, you sat, and he positioned your legs so they were on either side of him, crouching so he was level with your spread cunt.

He pulled you forward into the edge of the seat. You were dizzied by want, and wondered if he could feel your heartbeat at your centre when he moved forward to abuse your clit with his mouth. You bunched your hands up into the fabric of his coat, worried that the slick leaking out of you with his fingers was wetting and ruining the fabric of his jacket. You told him as much, “I’ll ruin your jacket.”

“Please, Y/N. Be serious,” he said, pushing two fingers in and out. They felt silly after being fucked so generously with his wide cock, and you were best pleased when he added a third finger, his palm and wrist hitting your clit. He shifted so he was going deeper inside you and used his other hand to rub your clit when he wasn’t sucking on it. His face was shiny with you.

Your fingers tightened again. His mouth was a new heaven, the ministrations of his lips and tongue resulting in you bent at the waist, the feeling of your climax building so tightly it made you gasp like you were in pain - it took you, a hot wave, and you couldn’t help close your legs around his face. He chuckled, pushing your legs apart again to dot kisses on your overstimulated clit long after your orgasm had passed.

He pulled his fingers out. When he spread his hand your wet and cum ribboned between his fingers like string, which he showed you lewdly.

He rubbed your thighs with damp hands. “You really do have lovely legs,” he told you. From between your legs you were inclined to believe him.

Daniel was looking between you and Remus suspiciously. You wouldn’t give him the reaction he wanted - no nod, no subtle eye widen, nothing, and it was winding your favourite coworker up to no end.

Remus had taken to eating lunch with everybody else this week. “I don’t know how you did it, but I’m glad you did,” Sue’d said. “That boy spends too much time alone.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She’d raised her eyebrows. “You left the New Years party with him, didn’t you?”

“He was my lift, Sue, nothing else. We’re friends.”

He had been your lift. Shaky-legged you walked to the car, Remus close behind you. You’d both gotten in, finding yourselves now carrying that little golden light of intimacy enjoyed between you as well as a residual awkwardness that you, shy, awkward new adults, hadn’t quite managed to escape yet. Fucking had certainly helped.

“I wish there was a way to hop from one place to another,” you said into the peaceful quiet of his cold car, unhappy with the long drive home.

He snorted. “Sounds nauseating.”

You could feel the sticky mess he’d made of you, crossing your legs to try and push it from your mind. Remus' coat had been, like you’d assumed, wet, and he’d chucked it in the backseat next to the car seat.

“Are you cold?” he asked.

You shrugged, “I find myself quite warm, actually. From the physical activity.”

He kept his eyes on the road, though he reached out to squeeze your thigh. “How do you feel?”

“Fucked?”

He laughed again, taking his hand back to change gears. Your eyes flitted to his half-hard cock and you had a vengeful thought. You granted him mercy, keeping your hands to yourself, when he said, “You’re louder than I thought you’d be.”

“Getting fucked?”

He nodded.

“You weren’t exactly playing fair.”

“What wasn’t fair about it?”

You reached your hand out to his thigh like he’d done to yours and squeezed, slowly, ever so slowly, moving your fingers until you were at the top of his thigh.

“What are you doing?” he said out the corner of his mouth, eyes back on you.

“Eyes on the road!” you demanded. He did as you said. You palmed his dick through the fabric of his trousers, shocked that he’d fit inside you not 20 minutes ago, and smiled to yourself.

“You were touching me and telling me to be quiet. Those two things contradict.”

“Not true,” he protested, turning his signals on. His expression was strained although his voice stayed steady.

“No? You think it’s easy to do two important things at once?” you asked, pushing his trousers and boxers down, exposing the head and shaft of his dick to the cold air.

“I’ll show you playing fair,” you said, unbuckling your seatbelt. You pushed up onto one knee and leaned down to take the head of his cock into your mouth. He groaned instantly, putting a hand in your hair. You sucked the tip and licked a stripe down the side. “Both hands on the wheel,” you told him.

“You’re enjoying this.”

You nodded, pumping him with both of your hands. “I am. Just like you enjoyed making a spectacle of me in the bathroom.”

“You liked being made a spectacle,” he protested, words light and high. You hummed your agreement with your lips around his shaft, bobbing up and down on his dick until he was almost at the back of your throat and then coming up for air, gasping for breath, dribble falling from your mouth in ropes to pool at the bottom of his dick.

“Couldn’t even wait 40 minutes to fuck me in a real bed and now he’s preaching at me,” you mumbled, lips touching his cock. The vibrations made him twitch. He was already sensitive from the fuck you’d just had and he tasted like your own wet. You rubbed the head of his cock against your lips like a balm and then took him into your mouth again, fucking your own face.

It wasn’t long before he was cumming again. As he’d felt it building he’d pulled over and finally been able to put his hands in your hair and guide you deep onto his dick until your eyes watered. You surfaced and jerked him for a mere ten seconds before he was shouting out and ruining his trousers.

You hadn’t gotten home on time, to say the least.

You smiled at Dan - he’d taken to tilting his head at Remus in what he likely assumed to be an inconspicuous gesture. Remus himself cleared his throat and stood. “Drink, anyone?” he asked, leaving to get a cup of water.

“So?” Dan asked.

You swallowed the mouthful of your lunch and looked at him in confusion.

“What?”

“‘What?’ she says! What happened between you and Lupin?”

Remus was filling a second glass of water at the sink. You watched him with neutral eyes, cataloguing the sight of his forearms in the afternoon light.

“Nothing,” you said, taking another bite of your food. “We’re just good friends.”

ty nim for ur invaluable ideas and creativity

tag club :3:

marauders tag list @marimorena06 @glimmering-darling-dolly @siriuslystfu @thatblackravenclaw @thatonecomfyjumper @lupinlust @touchdeprivedwh0re @vi0letblu3s @mooncalvin @gaysnowrose

if you want to be added or removed please let me know! thanks tag club

#remus x you #remus lupin #remus lupin x you #remus lupin smut #remus lupin x reader #Remus Lupin x reader smut #marauders #marauders era #no voldemort au #smut #x reader smut #post Hogwarts

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anime-rambles · 4 years ago

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"OMEGA STOP PART 1"

Pairing: Alpha Bakugou x Alpha Kirishima x Omega Reader

Type: ABO Dynamic, Angst, blood, SFW

Word Count: 2900+

A/N: Seeing how everyone is loving “Welcome Home Omega” I decided to do another omegaverse fic this time with lots of angst. Thank you so much for all the kind words, reblogs, likes and follows. Was thinking of making a Part 2 for this? What do you think?

Summary: Omega y/n returns home to her alpha’s after being away in Europe, thinking she would be able to re-join her alphas and be happy. Only to discover they move on without her.

Link to Part 2 = https://anime-rambles.tumblr.com/post/657712192264814592/omega-stop-part-2

************************************************************************

I collect my suitcase from baggage claim and make my way towards the arrivals gate. It has been an incredibly long 8 years since I’ve been back home in Japan. After graduating UA with all my friends, I decided I needed a new path, something exciting that didn’t include my alphas. Being away from my family and friends has been one of the most difficult things to go through and more importantly being away from my alphas. It was nice to be needed and not just because of my second gender.

After graduating UA, I joined Fatgum’s agency and from there I met Jackie one of fat’s previous partners on the drug squad. She needed a bright new hero that wanted to work outside of Japan and head off a special unit in charge of investigating quirk enhancing drugs. At first everyone was onboard and excited fir me but as time went on, it was becoming increasing hard to keep in contact with my busy alphas. So, one Christmas, two years into the job we all agreed to stop dating and put our relationship on hold, until I was finished with the special unit or until one of the alphas said enough, come home. I agreed happily, never thinking I would get the come home call, but here I am. I left Europe and returned home.

The doors of arrivals opened in front of me, I look around the barrier hoping to see either of my boys, Bakugou or Kirishima, but neither blonde nor red head could be seen. I walk the corner a small bit, thinking they might be hiding but nothing. I spot movement in the distant, a blur of pink rushing to my arms, knocking me off balance.

“YYYY/NNNN, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR HOME” Mina sobs into my ear. “Mina” I say back hugging her tightly. Out of everyone in UA Mina stayed in constant contact with my updating me on the group’s latest gossip and everyone hero’s ranking. “Come on, lets get you home” She speaks again, taking one of my bags and my hand in hers. I smile to her and gladly accept her hand. Mina is an omega like me, after UA her and Sero got together and currently have a beautiful house and a serval fluffy cats. Once we reach the car and start our journey. Mina tells me of everyone, what they are doing and what is planned for my coming home party tonight.

“Wait, slow down, where are you taking me first” I say, laughing at her excitement. With her hands on the car wheel. She says “Bakugou and Kirishima’s” I pause for a second. They must just be living together and not actually still together without, right? They wouldn’t betray me, would they? These thoughts are fully my head, maybe coming home wasn’t a good idea. I should have ignored the “come home” agreement. What if they just want to use me to have their kid and toss me aside.

“Y/N, please say something, you made me promise not to talk about the boys when were away and right now you’re kinda scaring me.” She presses.

“I’m… just thinking. So out with it tell me what has been going on, why are they living together.” I asked shifting in my seat to look at her and she drives down the straight road.

“Okay, so it started whe….”

Mina basically said what I thought she might after I left fully and didn’t come back like we agreed. Kirishima and Bakugou stopped for a while, they didn’t live together, socialise or anything but after Kirhisma was badly injured in a battle, they moved back in with each other and kept their relationship quiet, it’s been 6 years, that they been together while I have been alone.

“So that’s basically all of it y/n, I’m sorr…”

I cut her off, “Mina this is not for you to apologise for, you kept your promise to me and now I must face the music as they say in Europe.” We had arrived outside their house ages ago, but we ended up talking. I step out of the car and move to grab my bags. I look up to the house, it’s huge and white. Very modern and what’s looks to be very expensive. But what can you expect from the Number 1 and Number 5 heroes in Japan. Mina steps out and comes to my side of the car to hug me goodbye and to tell me the information for tonight. Just then the front door opens, Kirishima steps out with a huge grin on his face. He has changed a lot since I left. He is like a wall, thick with muscle and sporting a high red ponytail.

“There she is,” Kirishima says, holding out his arms as he makes his way down the path towards me. I drop my bags and run to him. I can be anger later, but right now I need this hug. “Here I am,” I say back to him, I took my face into his neck to breathe him in, he tries to do the same but it is unable as I have my marks and scent glands covered as Europe has different rules than us. I can sense the confusion and say I will explain later. Kirishima greats Mina and they discuss briefly about this evening's plans and Mina is off on her way, waving goodbye. With his arm around me, he guides me inside towards the kitchen. We each stand on opposite sides of the Island, not knowing what to say first.

“So, where’s Bakugou? I thought you would both be at the airport” I say frankly to him, showing my frustrations. “He had to work, but he should be back home soon,” Kirishima replies shuffling his feet. I stare at him, I want to voice my anger, I want him to know how much I hurt, I need to do this with Bakugou. “Okay” I reply looking at my bags, why did I come here, why did I think we could go back to normal. “He’ll probably be late like always though, why don’t show you to your room and you can get ready for this evening” He smiled at me, like he trying to form an olive branch between us. I nod and follow him out of the room and up the stairs. All around me are reminders, parties I could not attend, award shows I missed but right now I can’t dwell on that. My time in Europe was the best experience of my life and right now I want to go back. Kirishima leads me to a guest room and leaves me to get ready. I sigh, this is going to be difficult.

************************************************************************

Doing the finishing touches to my hair, I smooth my dress down as I look in the mirror. I’m wearing a tight-fitting black dress, that is off the shoulders. I rub my hands down my neck, wishing I could have had the surgery to remove my mark guards yesterday before I came home. Just to show them, that I kept my promise to them. I hear noises downstairs, Bakugou had arrived home ages ago but did not even come to say hello, just went straight to the shower. Although I know what Mina told me was true, I needed proof if I was to enter an argument with Bakugou. I walk a small bit from my room trying to stay quiet, I turn a corner and see a wall of photo frames, most are from UA and some are from Dates we three had together. The difference, I was no longer in the photos, I was cut out. You could see my arm or a sliver of my hair and maybe an eye. I felt rejection, my inner omega whined. Why would they do this to me? I ripped the frame from the walls and marched downstairs. My heels clicked on the floor beneath me. I rounded the corner and enter the kitchen not bothering to wait for their conversation to finished. I throw the frames onto the countertop and look up at both of them making eye contact. If I wasn’t so mad and hurt, I would be shocked at how mature and sexy they both are right now. Kirishima's hair is half up, half down being supported with braids and he is in a maroon shirt opened slightly. Whereas Bakugou wears a white shirt and supports an undercut. My alphas have matured, I suppose I have as well.

Kirishima looks at the frames and stays quiet. Bakugou does not dare to break eye contact with me.

“So, let me get this straight. I leave home, to become great in something that is bigger than me. I leave my alphas with an agreement, that we all would hit pause, and eventually I would come back or get a called from either of you to come home. I follow the rules, and it seems to me what I got in thanks was to be cut from your lives.” I raise my voice, guesting to the pile in front of me.

“tck…” Bakugou replies and looks at Kirishima.

“Don’t tck me Bakugou, it seems to me that I’m not even wanted here anymore, so why was I called home, let me guess you need an omega to have your child and then I’m to disappear,” I respond. “No that’s not why we called you back” Kirishima speaks up, slightly walking towards to appear less hostile.

“Funny how you call us your alphas but yet, our marks, our bond is no longer on your neck,” Bakugou responds, pointing towards me. “They are not gone, they are covered by a skin slip, in Europe is safer to have them covered in case you are kidnapped and forced to bond with someone,” I say back to him. “Omega, please let us explain, I understand your hurt, but we want you still, your part of our family,” Kirishima replies placing a hand on my elbow. I jerk away from him.

“So, all this time, when I was away, suffering through my heats alone. Omega depression after omega depression. You two, were what? Together happily rutting away.”

“Yes, how do we know you never had it off with anyone else,” Bakugou said leaning on the Island in front of me. “Bakugou, don’t say that -” Kirishima scolded him. “- we don’t think that y/n”. I stand there shocked; I can sense he is hurt but right now I will not be his vent.

“ah, I see, I was away fucking my way through Europe apparently and my alphas decided that instead of coming to see me and to tell me. They went behind my back” I stare at Bakugou not daring to back down. “How do we know you weren’t, how do we know you didn’t get our marks removed?” Bakugou asked.

I scuffed and turned out of the kitchen, towards my bags that were left at the bottom of the stairs. Both Alphas stayed in the kitchen and spoke to each other. I opened my bags and reached into it to find a wrapped plastic bag. I walked back into the kitchen, hearing Bakugou raising his voice at Kirishima, “I can’t Kiri, you almost died.” Kirishima hushed Bakugou as I re-entered the kitchen. I threw the bag at Bakugou.

“Go on, open it -” I say with my hands on my hips. “- There’s your proof” I stand and watch it. Bakugou opens the bag and pulls out two jumpers, one of his and one of Kirishima’s. Their scent has well worn out but mine could be smelled. Years of being alone, years of depression, laid in their hands. Kirishima’s eye watered. “This proves nothing, maybe if you weren’t lying about our mark being gone, we wouldn’t have this problem,” Bakugou said, dropping the jumpers on the countertop. “What do you want me to do, perform surgery right now, you know once you never doubted me” I laugh under my breath.

“Yeah well once, you weren’t such a slut, betraying your alp-“Bakugou responded but Kirishima stepped in creating a barrier between us. Tears started to form in my eyes, my vision blurred. Fine, if Bakugou wants proof right now that I was loyal then fine, I’ll give it to him.

I look at my nails and smile to myself, I thank whatever god is listening that I have long pointed nails today. Kirishima is currently speaking to Bakugou, standing in front of me. I can no longer hear him. All I know is, those skin slips have to go now. I take a deep breath in and dig my nails into my neck around where the stitched used to be. I whimper, both can smell blood and turn to look at me. I rip the slip from my skin, blood starts to pour from my neck but nothing that would majorly hurt me. I reach for the other and dig my nails in. “Y/n stop, what are you doing” Kirishima reaches to stop me, but he’s too late I pulled the other off and make eye contact with Bakugou. “You wanted your proof, here you are Bakugou, take a whiff I have NEVER BETRAYED EITHER OF YOU” I scream, throwing the slips onto the counter and storm off.

“Omega come back now” Bakugou shouts after me, I can hear him chase me and reach for my arm. I pull it forward and turn to face him. Tear are leaving my eyes, ruining my makeup, my dress ruined from the blood. “What Katsuki, you believe me now? What do you want from me, why are you mad?” Bakugou stands in shock, unable to talk. “ANSWER ME NOW,” I scream again. Bakugou reaches forward grabbing my arms, tears forming in his. Kirishima was leaning on the door behind him.

“HE ALMOST DIED, AND YOU WEREN’T THERE, I WAS ALONE, WATCHING HIM DIE AND YOU WERENT THERE, YOU PROMISED ME I’D NEVER BEEN ALONE, AND YOU LEFT ME ALONE WAITING FOR HIM TO COME BACK” he roared at me. I shoved Bakugou off me.

“I CAME HOME WHEN EIJIROU WAS IN HOSPITAL” I shouted back, both alphas heads shot straight up and looked at me. “I was there, I broke me promise to stay away until I was asked by either of you to come home. But I saw the fight, I saw Eijirou get knockdown and didn’t get back up. I hopped on the nearest flight and came home. You need proof, ask Fatgum, Denki, Tamaki, Deku.. anyone who sat in that waiting room.” I said looking into Bakugou's eyes. Kirishima walked forward to join us. Bakugou went to speak. “No you let me speak, I was there. Kirishima opened his eyes and called me an angel and then you shot into the room in a panic and threw yourself on him. Bakugou you looked in my eyes and didn’t say a word, so I stepped back, you saw me there, you. Don’t blame this on me. Knowing how angry you would be, Deku came and got me, promising to watch over both of you.” I stopped to wipe the tears from my eyes.

“How dare you hold that over me Katsuki Bakugou,” I say to him, Kirishima reaches for my hand as if to pull us all back together. I step back, I need to breathe to get out. I walk about the front door, grabbing my handbag. “I’ll see you at the party, some welcome home this was,” I say not looking back and slam the front door.

I walk down the path and reach for my phone, dialing Mina’s number. “Hey girly, I’m just about to leave for the pub,” Mina says down the phone. I start to cry and sit down on the curb. “Sero, wait a second” Mina whispers away from the phone. “Y/n, what’s happened, what’s going on,” She says again her voice has lowered. “Mina I need some help; I can’t see everyone looking like this,” I say back to her. I cry again, I can hear the door behind me open and I stand. I turn and see Kirishima, “Y/n wait please, come back in, we can sort this out,” he says, and I look over his shoulder. Bakugou is frozen in the same spot, staring at the floor. “I’m almost there, start walking to me,” Mina says and hangs up. I bend down and undo the straps of my heels, steeping out of them leaving them on the step. I start to run down the street, I need some quiet, I need to think.

“OMEGA STOP” Bakugou shouts behind me, but I can’t. I see Mina’s car and run towards it.

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marenwithanm · 3 years ago

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OK SO EPISODE 11: TRAUMA GOT ME LOSING MY MIND TONIGHT READ BELOW TO SEE MY THOUGHTS

Shou and touichiro seemed pretty much the same except for two things. 1) touichiro's vision of Shou and his wife which was just... So good... The way that the coloring paralleled his vision of his wife in season 2 has me 😭 2) the other one I noticed was the double charge bomb they did together. This could have been in the manga and I just didn't remember it, but I'm pretty sure that's anime original and I am LIVING for it. Shou's trump card which he originally used to try and bring down his dad is now being used in tandem with his dad to help someone. It's so so good. (What's NOT so good is Shou's outfit, why is bones so determined to slander his sense of fashion?? But that's a post for another day lol)

(for an episode titled "trauma" it was rather hopeful in the end. Wonder if that has any sort of thematic meaning)

first, all the changes. I really adored all the build up they gave ritsu. His arrival was a bit abrupt in the manga, and I will forever love bones for not only having ritsu find the crash sight, but also find and take care of Teru. Literally yesterday I was thinking about how sad it is that Teru just gets left naked and hurt in the middle of the road, so that was very very nice.

Back to more Ritsu changes since I'm following the episode's progression of scenes! I really miss the "man this is overkill" line. I know it doesn't fit the tone but it was just really funny ok?

But for some bigger changes, I noticed they took out the rhubarb wire that Ritsu saved a body improvement club member from. Which is interesting, I wonder if that's because of change of setting or censorship concerns.

They also took out a lot of the implications of Ritsu's plan later in the fight. In the anime, he said something along the lines of "a big shock might stop nii-san" whereas in the manga...

Yeah, he basically flat out says "maybe if I get hurt nii-san will snap out of it" which hoooo boy sure is a line of dialogue.

The final change I noticed was between the two "Mob" and "Shigeo", mainly in the art. I LOVE how they're doing it, with Shigeo being a blank white outline and Mob having blue lineart. It really helps differentiate them and make them pop. Super cool.

Now, do I miss some of the manga content and am I sad to see it go? Yes. But did bones do an utterly incredible job at adapting this? YES!!! so even if i don't like some of the changes, I like some of the other changes, and I love it overall.

As for overall hype:

OH MY GOSH 100% RITSU IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT AND BOY DID IT DELIVER I AM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH I LOVE THIS I LOVE THIS I LOVE THIS

Also all of the parallels to previous things like having their fight on the bridge where mogami world Ritsu ignored him is spectacular. And the whole "I'm your little brother so let me help you" paralleling mobs "in your older brother, so I have to take care of you". And the music being the same as their original fight in the alleyway. I can't even...

SHOU CONTENT!!!! YES!!!! I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW HYPED I AM TO SEE MY BELOVED

Studio bones really just adores the super five huh? Hatori is still here lol and Joseph too

REIGEN AND SERIZAWA JUST SPRINTING PAST THE POLICE AKFJSKFKR YES THAT WAS SO GOOD

Tsubomi please move out of the way of the active tornado this is not a safe place my girl (and what an interesting character choice for her to wait, Tsubomi is such an enigma in all the best ways)

Oh rip to sakuri and koyama, you did your best. (Side note, imagine your ex CEO falling from the sky to duke it out with a magic middle schooler who just destroyed your workplace. Seasoning city is so wild lol)

Random side characters getting one frame my beloved! Minori moment!! Tokugawa and Shinji moment!!

In conclusion, episode 11 makes me lose my marbles and it was 100% worth the wait!

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skysometric · 2 years ago

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dev commentary returns! look, i was legally obligated to go for the rainbow road thing, okay? even calling it Raspberry Rainbow was a purposeful candy-themed callback to make it as sweet and indulgent as possible. not to mention the choice of music – Bulby has done 8-bit covers of pretty much every Rainbow Road out there, but i felt this one (from Mario Kart 8) was the best fit for a hyped up sugar rush space race!

since Vinegar Void was finished so early, Raspberry Rainbow was one of the first remixes i started on, mostly to nail down the custom palette for the blocks – the main level's alternating gray blocks gave me exactly six colors worth of room to fill out with a rainbow pattern. it was challenging to find a way to fit all six colors in order using NES limitations and still have it look good, but i think the results speak for themselves!

honestly? screenshots don't do it justice. it looks way better in motion.

just like with Vinegar Void, most of my initial ideas for this level involved gratuitous use of purple gel and gravity mechanics – and when i updated to newer versions of Mari0, i had to scrap most of those dreams. i did get to try a few wacky layouts though… like this gravity loop made of fading paths!

on a technical level, this loop is one of the wackiest things i've ever made. why does the purple gel float in the air like that?

just like with Sonic, the idea is that you'd jump in from the left and make your way around the loop to the top where the red coin is, then come out the right side. it looks cool and it sounds cool on paper, but it had way too many side effects – namely, that it's hard to get in and out of the loop, and it's hard to keep your balance once you're in the loop. so even if i could use as much purple gel as i wanted, this probably wouldn't have made it to the final anyway!

there's no loop like this in Vinegar Void, so adding a loop would've been a pretty radical reinvention of the layout… even though the point of the remixes is to keep the same layout. but the idea is that i'd pretend those fading paths were objects instead of tiles, with the intent to replace all of the existing fading paths with new ones for the remix. really this is just a lot of internal rules nonsense to justify the use of more ridiculous fading paths than the base level has.

but that didn't actually work out! it turns out the existing fading paths are really technical and hard to replace. besides, preserving as much of the base layout as possible helps the player know where they're going and what they're doing when they, you know, can't see the paths half the time. so i made only minor adjustments to some areas and left most of the fading paths untouched! (which is a lesson i wish i'd learned in time for Starfruit Scanlines…)

similar layouts, but one is fruit punch flavor.

speaking of minor adjustments, this level has one of my favorite examples of minor adjustments in the entire mappack! when i first asked @harmonyfriends to playtest the level for me, she got stuck at the section below, with the star shards / red coin bits – it was too hard to get through the fading paths. this wasn't a problem with the main level, just the remix… even though the section is nearly identical. the only difference is that you are required to get the red coin bits, whereas you're not required to get the star shards.

i watched my partner struggle a lot with this section, ultimately deciding to give up with the attempt... and i immediately knew how to fix it. i made just ONE minor adjustment – moving a single red coin bit from a lower step to a higher step. can you spot the difference?

i asked her to play it again… and she breezed through the same section without a sweat, just because i moved that one piece. how is that possible?

well, moving that one red coin bit completely changes the way that the player approaches the fading paths! when it's on the lower step, the fastest way to the next red coin bit involves jumping up through the fading path, which is a little finnicky in this game's physics engine. by moving the coin bit, i moved the player's line of focus – now the next coin bit is across from the player, and they can simply jump over to the next platform!

old path on the left, new path on the right.

i am so proud of this little change… these are the little things i've learned to spot in ten years of working with level design! this is the culmination of all my time working on Retrush and beyond! i'm far from perfect but i've come so far, and i love being able to see that reflected in real time ✨

youtube

Raspberry Rainbow (D-3) | Retrush

A radiant run through space with even more colorful lights flying by to cheer you on! Wait, those are lasers. Wait, that's a LOT of lasers holy frick

#gaming #writing #mari0 #levels #level design #retrush #developer commentary #retrush dev commentary

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finelinevogue · 4 years ago

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the fact that Y/N has post natal depression Is somewhat refreshing idk I just don't see it talked about much on here and if it is it's like Hella angsty and the partner doesn't understand what it is but I was wondering if u could touch on it a bit more cause it's something I'm really scared about happening to me and I just want harry to hold me and tell me it's going be okay 😚😚😚😚

P.s. if u don't wanna it's understandable

anon: can u write about harry helping y/n through her ppd maybe like the 3rd time was so bad that h decide that he won’t be having more children

so this was requested twice so i would love to be able to write this for you both, hope this is okay - mind it’s heavily angsty!;

tw: vomiting, ppd and od

oli - 4, felix - 3, belle - 12 weeks

Motherhood was really fucking hard.

The birth of your newly born daughter, Isabella, had really taken a back pedal on your mental health. You had suffered with post natal depression after the birth of your two sons, but nothing as bad as this.

It had hit you around the 7 week mark after giving birth. The pregnancy itself was okay, even though she was slightly premature, but it was after you’d taken her home that it’d all spiralled downhill. It started with complications with her breastfeeding - like she was rejecting the milk that you had produced. It hurt to see her reject you and your body, finding more comfort in drinking from a pre-made milk bottle as her dad rocked her to sleep. You recall the evening so clearly and felt like an utter failure as you watched her drink a bottle of formula for the first time.

“Ssh ssh,” Harry cooed to your 7 week old daughter as he rocked her in his arms on the rocking chair in her nursery. She was whining because she was hungry, but the problem was that she wasn’t accepting your milk. She hadn’t been accepting your milk all day and now it was becoming dangerous for you to keep on saying ‘Oh i’ll just try later.’ Harry had told you to make a formula bottle for her. “Mummy’s coming.”

As much as you didn’t want to, you were walking back to the nursery with a warm bottle in your hands. You’d tested it on your hand to make sure it wasn’t too hot and then taken a sip to taste it, out of jealousy, and you thought that it didn’t taste any different to you. Then again you’re not a 7 week old human whose only date is milk.

“Look here’s mummy with your yummy milk, okay? Look Belles!” Harry cooed at his darling angel and you only wished he wasn’t as happy for her as he was.

“Yeah.” You spoke softly, handing him the bottle and standing nearby, part of you hoping that she would reject this too and she wasn’t just rejecting you.

But no, she drank the formula like it was her last meal.

“Such a sweet girl, aren’t you?” Harry praised her, watching her in awe as she kept on drinking the formula. Watching as she was drinking to become the strong girl you knew she’d become. It just hurt that it wasn’t you that could help her become that.

You felt powerless. Worthless, even. The one thing that you had carried the weight of your breasts around to do and you couldn’t even do it. Your nipples were so sore and your breasts ached so badly and it was all for nothing. Perhaps it was punishment for being such a bad mum. Perhaps you’d never been good enough for this job and it was your bodies way of shutting you down forever. You wouldn’t need the ability to produce milk anymore, because you weren’t worth the title of becoming one again. You wanted to be happy for your little one, seeing her happy but all you felt was rejection and sadness. She didn’t think you were good enough to be her mum and that really hurt.

Along with the breastmilk problem, Belle also became very stubborn when you wanted to change her nappy. Anytime you tried to change and help her she put up a fuss, kicking her legs and sometimes she would bite or hit you away. It was just a reminder that you weren’t a good enough mum for her and that she didn’t feel safe enough around you. She didn’t find comfort in your presence and she was so fussy about what you did around her. With Harry, though, she was an angel. She loved him so much and obviously he made her feel so loved and safe - something you’d clearly never be able to give her.

There was also the chores of being a mother to your other two sons too. Oli and Felix were old enough to understand that they had a baby sister, but they weren’t old enough to understand how miserable you were. Harry wasn’t even able to figure it out yet. You tried your best to put on your bravest face, knowing that your family needed you to be strong but the truth was that you were crumbling on the inside. You were feeling less and less like yourself and you were waiting for the moment when you’d completely fall apart. Nothing felt right anymore. Everything was just numb.

“You two boys okay?”

You walked into the children’s playroom see that they were sat at the little table colouring in. Felix’s little legs dangled slightly, whereas Oli’s legs touched the floor and it made your heart swell at how big they were both getting.

“Yep!” Oli cheered, scribbling with his left hand as his tiny tongue stuck out from his lips as he concentrated - a habit passed onto him from his father.

“What are you both drawing?” You asked, coming over and kneeling on the floor beside them and having a peek at their drawings.

“We’re colouring for daddy.” Felix answered, some of the words not being pronounced properly due to his young lisp and lack of being taught how to say things correctly yet.

His words stung though. You appreciated that he was only a toddler and he meant nothing evil or malicious by it, but it hurt to think that maybe, just maybe, your sons were doing this for their dad because he did so much more for them than you did. Of course you tried to be the best mum you could, but maybe you weren’t doing enough. Maybe you weren’t meant to be a mum after all, or at least not a good one.

“O-oh,” you tried to hold back the tears in your eyes because your boys looked so proud at their artwork - and you should be too. “Tell me about them then, my loves.”

Oli went first, “So this is me and this is Oli and this is dad. It’s us playing football like we did the other day, mummy.” He pointed out to each of the figures, some looking actually quite terrifying but you’d never have the heart to tell him that. The figures were all holding hands though and it hurt to think that you weren’t a part of that.

“Oh that’s so good Ols!” you rubbed his head of hair and then turned to Felix’s, “What about you Fix?”

“I drew daddy as the best.” He pointed to a trophy that the figure - more like a stick-man-slenderman - was holding, which was decorated with the award of ‘my hero’.

“I told him to write hero, mummy.” Oli added, and you smiled at both of them.

“Well done. Good job both of you. Daddy will love these!” You only wished that they would draw something for you. You hated to think that you were being petty, but honestly you just wanted to feel loved. “Shall I go cut up some apple for a snack, hey?” You asked, trying to feel useful.

“Daddy is making us smoothies!” Felix answered and you had to stand up, up and away from their heigh, so they didn’t catch the tears in your eyes.

“Okay! Don’t forget to give him those pictures - he’ll love those.” You praised them and they both giggled to each other.

The sight of your sons laughing should’ve made you so happy, but it only reminded you that you weren’t the source of their happiness. You weren’t on their mind enough to be their inspiration for drawings. You definitely weren’t their hero. You were just a woman to them, not a mum. You wanted to be so much more but it was clear that they didn’t need you. They were loved by their dad and each other, not in need of your heart.

Eventually Belle settled down and was sleeping better through the night, leaving you and Harry to much more peaceful nights sleep. Well, just Harry.

You had found it near impossible to get to sleep now. You lay awake at night wondering when Belle would next wake up, wondering when she’d next need you. Harry was always quick out of bed though, even if he actually was sleeping, to help her ordering you to stay in bed and rest yourself. You couldn’t help feel like he was telling you to stay put because he knew you wouldn’t be able to do your job properly - and you started to believe him.

You’d found yourself getting jealous of those that could get to sleep. When you were walking down the road you’d judge a person by how much sleep they looked like they got last night. You definitely looked like you only had 2 hours - even when you’d only had 37 minutes but who’s counting? Your dark circles were heavily noticeable, but no one cared enough to ask. Even Harry stayed clear of you more and more often; spending more time with the kids than you and sleeping on his side of the bed instead of yours at nighttime.

There had been one evening where you had been so restless that Harry had gotten so frustrated and left the room, with a blanket and a pillow, and slept on the couch. You’d never felt so much like a burden than that night. Your family was rejecting you and you felt like a failure. You were a success at failing in everything. The meals you cooked went half eaten by everyone because you would’ve forgotten to add a key ingredient. The children preferred to spend more time playing with their dad because you weren’t energised enough to play the games they wanted to. Your daughter still rejected your milk. It was all too much and you just wanted one nights peace for it to change.

Last night had been that night.

Fuck these were so addicting. You were finally getting the sleep that you so badly craved, only with the help of tablets.

You wanted the sleep because that was the one place you could escape to. You needed that escape to help you get out of bed the next morning. Life was too hard for you to not dream, and without dreaming you didn’t want life.

It started off with taking one every night before bed, but then they stopped working again, so you started taking two, then three. Four was obviously where your body hit its limit.

“Mummy? Can you come tuck me in please?” Oli asked, little toy giraffe in hand and shaking you in hopes of waking you up to send him peacefully off to sleep.

You’d gone to bed a bit earlier tonight, lying saying that you were extremely exhausted. Harry said he would be able to handle things and that’s when you excitedly ran upstairs to take your pills; 4 of them. You’d made it into your bed, feeling slightly drowsy after completing your nighttime routine, but then you started to feel unwell and really ill. Before you’d passed out you’d stuck your fingers down your throat in hopes to make the feeling in your stomach disappear, but it ended up you throwing up all over the bed and pass out right there.

“Mummy! Wake up!” Oli rattled your back, but you were still unresponsive.

Oli padded out of the room and down to his sisters room where he knew his dad was. Belle was being extra fussy this evening and Harry suspected it had everything to do with you retiring early. He heard Oli come into the room just as he’d gotten Belle down.

“Y’alright buddy?” Harry whispered, tip-toeing out of Belle’s room, leaving the door open slightly, and crouched down in front of him.

“No. Mummy’s not waking up.” Oli pouted, rubbing a tired fist over his eye.

“She’s probably in dreamland, bud. She was really tired today.”

“She’s really tired all of the times.”

“I know, Ol.” Because Harry did know, but he was too much of a coward to face up to the problem. The doctors had said that post natal depression can strengthen with every birthed child, but he was too blind sighted by the fact that you’d overcome the first birthed post natal depression so quickly, and was so in love with his baby girl, that he didn’t truly see how bad things had gotten. Harry had tried giving you some space, distancing himself from you in bed and spending more time with the kids so you could relax and rest up, but nothing seemed to be working. He was surprised, actually, that you’d been having better sleep recently and so was hopeful that maybe the worst of the depression was over.

Hell, was he so wrong.

“Go to bed, bud okay? I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Wake mummy up so she can give me a kiss.”

“I’ll try little man, alright?” Harry scuffed his sons hair and then watched him walk off to his room.

Harry walked into your dark room, the air smelling slightly sour, and walked around to your side of the bed. He sat down next to you sighed heavily. He needed to speak to you, no matter how tired or angry you’d be with him. He was losing you as a wife and a mother and a soulmate and a lover. He was just losing you, just as you were losing yourself and he was doing tip-toeing around the problem any longer. He was going to try and make this better. He was going to better understand how you were feeling in order to help you.

“Baby?” He spoke softly, nudging you gently, “Baby wake up.” No response. “Y/N, my love? Wake up for me darling, need to speak with you.” Normally you would’ve stirred by now but there was still nothing. “Y/N?” Harry shook you a bit more urgently now - one that would surely wake even the deepest of sleepers. “Y/N!” He shouted, perhaps a bit too loudly for the comfort of his children.

He turned you over and that’s when he knew this was very, very, bad.

Your face was pale grey and your mouth was covered in the remains of vomit, and he suddenly understood the gross sour smell from before. Your hair was greasy and stuck all in the wet sick all over your face. Your eyes were puffy from the remains of tears. You looked dead.

“No, no, no. Y/N! No you don’t.” Harry’s eyes starting weeping and he couldn’t think straight. He checked your pulse on your wrist and timed it - it was unhealthily faint. He wouldn’t be surprised if you were in your last beats of your heart. His tears and sobs were uncontrollable, but he had to be both strong for you and his children, as well as for him. “Fuck sake pull yourself together Harry. Okay, baby hold on please. Okay? You don’t get to leave me like this, you hear me? I love you so much, baby. Fuck i’m so sorry.” He gently placed your head back down on the pillow and pulled out his phone.

999

“What’s your emergency?”

“I need a-an ambulance p-please. I-I think my wife i-is dying.”

The rest of it was a blur for Harry. Him trying to wake you up. The ambulance arriving. Oli and Felix crying when they saw you being carried away on a stretcher. Belle’s deafening screams. Harry’s heart beating for the both of you.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

It was the rhythmic beeping sounds that woke you up.

Your whole body felt achey and sore, your head a pounding mess. You opened your eyes slowly, adjusting them to the light of the room. You expected to see the family photo on the wall opposite you and the white of your curtains, but you were met with a heart-monitor machine and a hospital bed instead. You looked down at your body and noticed a cannula in your arm, making you squirm because you hated stuff like that so much. Your nose had a tube running inside it too, feeding you the oxygen your lungs weren’t receiving properly.

It then dawned on you how you weren’t in the room alone. You saw a sleeping Anne and Gemma on the chairs in the far corner, with Felix and Oli tucked against their sides - Anne with Oli and Felix with Gemma. It was so cute to see them so cuddled up close. They looked peaceful. You took note of the baby pram that was at the end of your bed, most likely playing bed to your beautiful daughter. Your mind felt lost. You can’t really remember what had happened, apart from taking four of those sleeping pills. You fully remember the weight of feeling worthless and useless as both a mum and a wife, though, and that feeling was still very prominent.

Your eyes lastly landed to the side of you, where Harry was sat but also laid on your bed. The top of half of his body laid upon the bed, his head buried onto this arm deep within the bed, whilst his bottom stayed rooted to the chair. His hand was holding yours tightly, which was a sign that he wasn’t asleep. You were so scared to face him though. You had failed him, again and again and you weren’t sure whether you could be enough for him anymore. Enough for your family anymore.

You squeezed his hand three times saying ‘I love you.’

“Y/N,” He whispered so hoarsely, but you were so focused on him to even catch it. He looked ruined, and you’d done that to him. His eyes were dark and tired, but also red and puffy from where he’d been crying. His hair was a mess and you could tell it hadn’t been washed in a while. How long had you been out for? You felt rested in your sleep, but not in your mind or your heart.

“I—” Your breathe got caught in your throat, but you persevered to finish your words. He deserved to here them. “I’m sorry.” You were whispering so you didn’t disturb anyone else in the room.

“No, stop it. I’m sorry baby.”

“Harry don’t, you don’t have anyt—”

“Stop yes I do I—”

“Harry please you don’t owe—”

“Y/N listen!” He cut the little volley-conversation and ordered you to just stop. You started crying when you saw that he was too. “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t. Whatever you’re thinking, stop it right now. Because I love you. Fuck, I do. I love you so much that when I found you unconscious in a pile of your own sick thinking you were dead, my only thought was that I wished it were me instead”.

“Harry, you don’t mean—”

“My god Y/N! You don’t get it, do you? I would do anything to switch places with you right now. I would suffer a thousand times over if it meant you were okay. I’d suffer in hell for you. Nobody else but you has ever made me feel like this. I married you because I love you and I want to wake up next to you every day of my beating hearts life. I chose to have children with you, because I knew how great of a mum you’d be and what beautiful people you’d help bring up into the world—”

“But i’m not.” You cut Harry short, trying to pull your hand away from him but he didn’t let you - only tightening his grip and pulling himself closer towards you. He was so close you could kiss him.

“Not what?” He asked, although he already knew the answer. You’d both had this conversation before, but you were both tired of it and were ready for it to be your last now.

“A good mum. I’m- i’m not a good mum or wife, Harry and i’m sorry.”

“I told you not say it and stop thinking it, because you’re completely wrong Y/N. You’re a good mother and a good wife, because you are a good person.”

“But i’m not great.” You whimpered, thinking back to the drawings your Oli and Felix had done. “I’m not the best.”

“But you don’t have to be, baby. You see our beautiful, healthy, happy and safe babies over there?” Harry turned to look at them, love in his eyes as in yours. “They wouldn’t be all those things, no matter how you feel about yourself, without you. I could never have brought them up to be half the people they are without you by my side, the way you make me a better person. You claim you don’t got this, but baby you’re already doing it and have been doing it for 5 years with our children and so much longer with me.”

“I’m just so fucked up Harry.” Your head tilted back on the pillow as you got heavily emotional over the situation.

Harry shook his head and moved his hand to cup the back of your neck, moving your head forwards until it met his. The touch of his skin against yours, no matter where and how small, made you feel alive and you’d missed him and that feeling so much. You missed loving him so much.

“Listen to me.” He ordered, keeping you still. “You are strong and you are brave Y/N Styles. No matter what you tell yourself I will be here every goddamn day of my life, if I have to, to remind you that you are worth more than your fucking weight in gold. You are my heart. You are my soul and the mother to my greatest achievements. I know they are yours too, just as I know I am your heart.

“You are.” You whispered so quietly under your breathe, but Harrys heart warmed when he caught you saying it. He knew though.

“Just let me love you. Let me be there for you. If you want medication then let’s do it, and i’ll be there for every step of the way. If you want to go to a rehabilitation centre for a bit, that’s okay we can—”

You shook your head and licked the tears away from your face. You were both such tearful messes, but the love between you was undeniable. “No, no please, no.”

“Okay, okay, love. We won’t. See, you’re okay. I promise, you’re okay. Stay with me, yeah? I’ll love you and keep you safe, just as you will me.”

“Promise.” You told him sincerely. He brought his lips to yours with that single word. He was so proud of your for being so brave and strong. He wishes he was half the person you were. His lips conveyed those thoughts of his and you could taste the love and passion burning through his heart and out on to his lips. He tasted like home. z he was home. Your lips smacked together messily, but you didn’t care because you loved each other too much and had kissed each other even more. Once you pulled back he stayed close to you, smiling at you with such awe. “I think.. I think I want to try medication please.”

Harry didn’t say ‘okay’ or ‘sure thing’, no. He said four words that meant more to you in that moment that any others in the universe. More than saying ‘I love you.’ Words that reminded you that not everything is okay and that sucks really bad, but you’re doing your best to get through it. It was a reminder that you had so many people who loved you and cared for you. It was a gun at the starting line symbolising that the journey ahead wasn’t going to be easy, but worth it.

“I’m proud of you.”

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