#where to buy golf shirts

[motleybirdbones]

Current mood

Update: isa mine Borfday

[marvelslittlewhore]

sucking off sub!rafe

PAIRING | sub!rafe x dom!female!reader

WARNING | 18+ only, smut, sub!rafe, use of mommy, oral (m receiving)

A/N | some sub!rafe cause I felt like it and because @chimindity motivated me to 🤭 this was kinda rushed and it's been awhile since I last wrote smut so...enjoy!

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

You sigh when you hear the front door of Tannyhill slam shut, the sound echoing through the house all the way to Rafe's room where you're sprawled out on his bed, scrolling through your phone.

Rafe went for a golf session with Topper and the way he stomps his way to his room you know it probably didn't end well, which you'll probably hear him complain about the moment he enters the room.

Just like you predicted he pushes the door open, grumbling under his breath as he lets the bag with his clubs fall on the ground with a thud before letting himself fall back first onto his mattress beside you, his hand finding home on your ass, squeezing one time.

"How was golf?" You ask, your chin resting on your hand.

"Don't wanna talk about it." He mumbles and you turn your head to look at him smirking at the frown he has on his handsome face, his hair a little messed up.

"I know how to make you feel better..." You coo at him, now moving to straddle his hips, your phone discarded somewhere on the bed.

A smirk quickly forms on his face, placing his hands on your hips but you tsk at him, grabbing his wrists to put them back over his head, leaning down to whisper in his ear.

"Keep them there, baby. Just relax and let me take care of you, yea?" You say lowly, moving your head to start leaving kisses and small nibs on his neck.

Oh. It's one of those moments.

It's rare that Rafe lets you take control, to allow himself to be vulnerable in front of you but it's something he's started to embrace more often.

With a groan he tilts his head a little to the side to give you more access to mark up his neck in love bites, his hips lifting up to get some friction.

You pull back momentarily to grab the hem of his polo shirt, pulling it up and over his head, quickly going back down to capture his lips in a soft kiss as your hands wander down to undo the button of his pants.

Pulling down the zipper you reach into his pants, your hand moving over the already forming bulge, swallowing his choked whimper before pulling back to look down at him in awe. "Look at you, barely did anything and you're already hard."

"Can't help it..." He breathes heavily, his hands itching to touch you in any way but he refrains himself, knowing that if he listens you'll reward him for it. "Just need you."

"Bet you do. Don't worry, mommy's got you."

He moans out loud at that and not only because you start to stroke him over his boxers. You shuffle further down the bed, kissing your way down his chest to his happy trail.

"Lift your hips." You instruct him and he quickly obliges so you can pull his pants down together with his boxers just enough to let his fully hard cock spring free.

Rafe bites his lip as more whimpers and moans try to escape his mouth but you know he won't be able to keep them down for long.

The moment your hand makes contact with his skin he jerks his hips in surprise. "F-Fuck...please."

"Please what? Gotta be specific, hun." You murmur, squeezing his cock one time to hear him gasp.

"Anything...j-just move please." He stammers, gripping onto the bedsheets tightly.

"Good boy." You praise him, stroking his cock in an agonizingly slow motion, your thumb swiping over the head to use the precum as lubricant.

You keep jerking him off for a bit and Rafe can't contain his whimpers anymore when you suddenly wrap your lips around his cock.

"Shit...mommy." He rasps, his eyes squeezing shut from the pleasure. "Feels so good..."

As you move your head up and down you gag from time to time when he hits the back of your throat, knowing that the sound of that gets him even more riled up than he already is.

Rafe's in complete bliss, feeling his orgasm building up by the way you expertly suck him off, using your hand to stroke the bit that doesn't fit in your mouth.

"M'gonna- can I cum? Please mommy." He manages to choke out.

You tap his thigh two times to give him permission, just wanting to make your boy feel good and not tease him more than he needs.

Quickening up your pace you feel him twitch in your mouth, moving down as far as you could when he starts cumming down your throat, only pulling away the second his body relaxes.

You're both panting and you sit up to wipe the corners of your mouth, sucking the remains of his cum from your thumb, smiling at his blissed out expression as he comes down from his high.

"Better?" You ask softly.

He nods, mumbling breathlessly. "Fuck yes...thanks mommy."

You lean down so your chest is pressed against his, pecking his lips. "Anything for my boy."

Taglist

For everything:

@lokigirlszendaya @buckymydarlingangel @superlegend216

For Rafe Cameron:

@spideysimpossiblegirl @tracymbcm @chiaraanatra @cherriespopsicle @niyahnotnia

[evie-sturns]

𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 - 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘰

summary: you've been pissing chris off all day, accidentally knocking his stuff over, purposely teasing him in public, to the point where he starts to get seriously mad at you to the point where he has to put you in your place.

warnings: smut, rough!chris, use of safe word, argument, swearing.

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I didn't know that what i was doing was affecting chris this much, I mean, today has just been like any other. I hung out with my boyfriend of 2 months, chris, the whole day with his brothers and friends.

he seem's to be extra on edge today, ever since i broke one of his cologne bottles.

(flashback)

hey chris, im just gonna head downstairs- SMASH

"oh fuck i'm so sorry i'll clean that up now-" i said, getting on my hands and knees and collecting the shards of black glass. "y/n just go downstairs, get out of my room please." chris spoke, glaring down at me. "i'm so sorry chris, i can buy you anothe-" i was cut off by him picking me up and placing me outside of his bedroom.

(present)

me, chris, nathan, nick and matt are sitting on the sturniolos couch as the sun sets through the window to our right, a dim light fills the living room as matt and nick have an argument, god knows what its about.

im cudding up to chris's side, my leg resting over his thigh as he scrolls on his phone aimlessly. ive been sitting here for about an hour, i think chris is still pissed about the cologne bottle incident. i hate to admit it, but chris when hes mad is the hottest version of him.

i move my leg from his thigh up to his lap, using my leg to rub him very softly through his sweatpants. he grabs my leg, pushing it off him "stop that." he whispers, shaking his head at me. "stop what?" i ask, a guilty smile tugging at the corners of my lips as i move my leg back to its original position, applying more pressure on his crotch.

right before he's about to grab my leg again nathan starts - "whos up for top golf!" he says, looking around the room with a smile on his face. "nate its late." matt speaks, leaning back against the couch.

"so you're boring?" nate tuts.

"fine, only if the others go though." nick says, standing up off the couch. "chris, y/n?" he says, looking at us.

im about to agree but chris answers for me "were staying here." he says, his tone angry.

i look at chris with a confused look, but hes back to scrolling on his phone. "well me, matt and nate are going, we'll be a few hours." nick says, grabbing his coat and phone.

matt and nathan follow nick out the door, giving me and chris a small wave before slamming the front door shut.

chris stands up, leaving me on the couch, he faces me "what the fuck is wrong with you!" he yells. "what?" i say defensively, moving back against the couch, my eyes widening from the sudden raise of his voice.

"what!!??" he mocks, before starting

"this whole day you've been on my last nerve, and I'm sick of it. You've ruined half the shit in my room then you start touching up on my dick in front of my brothers?"

my jaw is slack, in pure shock as he flames me, i can't help my attitude start to build up, i scoff "not my fault you've been sensitive and pissy all day, sorry that im clumsy today?" i bite back, rolling my eyes.

chris stares at me "you have no respect for any of my shit, youve gone and shattered my $450 cologne that nick got me and you expect me to be happy? pathetic." he yells.

a few tears drop from my eyes, i don't know why. his words aren't hurting me but he knows i can't deal with people yelling at me. my attitude keeps up though "if you're gonna be so sensitive go cry in your room christopher." i fold my arms.

chris storms out of the living room, slamming the door to the bathroom shut.

i wipe my eyes before standing up, running upstairs into chris's room. its already been decided that im staying the night here by nick, so i decide to get into my pyjamas.

i pull my shirt off over my head, revealing my white lacy bra which i especially wore for chris, i was expecting a different evening with us.

suddenly i hear the bedroom door open behind me, chris storms in before walking up to me, i swing my body around to look at him. he grabs me by my throat, i gasp loudly as he grabs me, throwing me down on the mattress.

i sink my teeth into my bottom lip as i look up at him, before pulling him down into an angry kiss. he pulls away, ripping off his shirt. "built up a bit of an attitude today haven't you?" he mumbles, yanking my shorts and panties off in one motion.

he reaches a hand under me onto my back, flipping me over onto my stomach.

he grabs my ankles, forcing me onto all fours. i whine, desperatly. "so needy aren't you." he says, yanking down his sweatpants. i look over my shoulder at him.

"hand behind your back." he demands, putting his hand out. i put my hands behind my back, chris grabs both of my wrists with one hand. holding them, forcing me to arch.

"chirs.." i groan, squirming slightly, his hand collides with my clit. "fuck!" i yelp, chris shushes me "why do you think you deserve my dick after giving me such an attitude today hm?"

he lines himself up with me, pulling my wrists closer to him, my chest and head are fully off the bed as my back arches more then i knew it ever could.

without warning her slams into me, i let out a loud cry from the sudden stretch. "dont. make. a noise." he says, slamming into me at a brutal pace. i let out pathetic whimpers as i'm held in place by him.

he reaches his spare hand round, shoving two fingers in my mouth.

chris has never been like this in bed, im in total shock as he fucks the attitude out of me.

without warning i clench around him, releasing the knot in my stomach. his thrusts don't slow, i wouldn't be wrong if i said they quickened.

im so sensitive, my vision blurry as he takes what he needs from me.

we've had a safe word established for a while, we made it while we were in a stupid mood, so it has a stupid name. 'dinosaur' , but ive never even thought about using it until now.

"chris.. chris chris." i groan, tears streaming down my face from the intensity. "fuck- d-dinosaur" i cry out, chris stops thrusting instantly, checking to see if he heard right.

"dinosaur.." i whisper.

chris pulls out instantly, he gently releases the painful grip on my wrists, as he collapses down next to me, sitting on the bed, pulling me onto his lap in a cradling me.

"hey hey.. don't cry sweetheart." he whispers into my hair, grabbing his shirt and pulling it onto me. "are you alright baby? too much?" he coos, rubbing my arms. "please speak to me gorgeous."

i nod into his chest, "im fine, just sensitive.." i stammer.

"oh okay i'm so sorry" he says, pure guilt in his voice as he stands up, holding me like a bride.

suddenly i let out a small laugh, he looks down, confusion painted across his face.

"wait.. whats funny?" he questions

"what were we thinking when we came up with that safeword." i laugh into his chest.

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this might be my last fic for a few days cause school is starting up tomorrow.

[haikyu-mp4]

The sun and his flower

word count; 2133 – f!reader

Hinata never really got into driving. He took his driver's licence, but never got around to buying a car after returning to Japan. So when the snow fell overnight and he overslept for practice with the Black Jackals, he had no other choice but to leave his bike and hop on a bus.

And he would forever be thankful that he did. Because that morning was the first time he saw you. You sat closer to the front of the bus, in one of those unfortunate seats turned the other way, so Hinata could watch as you bopped your head carefully to whatever music you listened to and stared out the window. Your movements didn’t quite match up with his own music, which he found annoying so he turned his off. Who still uses earbuds with a cord? he thought as he watched how the cord was tangled in with your scarf.

Even though he didn’t know the names of any particular flowers, he started comparing you to them.

So he kept catching the bus, often running briskly to the bus stop just to make sure he could get on the right one, even if it was a bit early or a bit late.

Sometimes he got a seat where he could see your face, sometimes he had to pretend to adjust something to turn and catch glances at you, and sometimes he could only pout at the top of your head over the seat. Nonetheless, he started imagining what you did after stepping off the bus. Were you a student? A florist? A musician? Or maybe you worked in some office, like Kuroo.

You always got off before him, the same stop every time, and his eyes would follow you until you were blurry because the bus moved and then you were out of sight. He would then slump back in his seat, putting his headphones on for two more stops until he could get off, jogging to make up for the warm-up time he missed.

“You ever considered getting a car?” Sakusa asked him one day as Hinata shuffled into place beside them where they were finishing warm-ups while he started them, beginning with his thighs while Sakusa rolled his shoulders back into place.

“No,” Hinata answered sharply before chuckling, struggling a bit to keep his balance in the pose he used. “I mean, the bus is cheaper.”

Atsumu scoffed. “As if money for a car should be a problem, ya can get a little golf or something if yer so worried,” he said, jumping in place to loosen up his muscles.

“I could get a car, but I don’t really need it. Think of the environment, Tsumu.” Hinata teased back, switching legs as Bokuto came from the bathroom.

“Sho!” he cheered, not minding any conversation they might have had before. Hinata kept on with his warmup beside the net while they started with Atsumu setting for their spikes. Sakusa made little comments and quickly, everyone forgot about the previous conversation. Finally, Hinata was ready to spike. Atsumu set up a few for him before they were told to get ready for team practice, everyone taking a break to fill up on water.

As Hinata dried off his forehead with the bottom of his shirt, he sighed. “Actually, there’s this girl,” he said, stopping when he heard someone gasp dramatically, not sure which of his team members it was as he continued. “On the bus, she’s really pretty.”

“Don’t be shy, tell us about ‘er,” Atsumu encouraged, leaning his arm uncomfortably on Sakusa’s shoulder, a motion that was quickly denied.

So Hinata did, he got up from the bench and with unnecessary gestures, he told them about which stop you get off at and detailed the colour of your hair. He had a small discussion with himself about what word to use for the colour of your eyes, and then when he finished he looked at his friends with the sweetest smile.

Bokuto, ever the optimist, nodded encouragingly. “And?”

Hinata’s nose scrunched. “That’s it. We haven’t talked yet.”

“You take the bus every day just to stare at her? That’s not creepy at all,” Sakusa said sarcastically, ending the conversation on that note as they were called back to the court.

You didn’t mean to. Your eyes usually stayed on the scenery passing by, making up scenes in your head based on whatever music your shuffled playlist handed you, so you didn’t mean to make eye contact with the orange-haired guy when you were on your way off the bus. He sat in the seat closest to the door, and when your eyes met his, he smiled. You could have sworn it was cloudy outside, so why was the sun sitting on the bus with you this whole time? And why didn’t you notice it before?

The moment was cut short as more people were getting off, some burly man bumping your shoulder to get off and naturally pushing you along as you realised it was indeed drizzling outside. By the time you turned around to seek his warmth again, the bus doors were closing and the bus carried your sunshine away.

The day after, the volume on your earbuds was a bit lower as you stepped on the bus, looking around uncharacteristically and deflating when you realised there was no orange hair in sight. So you sat down in the seat behind where he sat yesterday and got back to looking out the window.

It wasn’t until four stops later that someone sat down beside you, and you frowned when you looked forward and saw that the bus wasn’t that full, so then you turned to whoever sat beside you. And there he was, warm just like the last time you saw him.

“Sorry, is it okay if I sit here?” he asked, loudly enough to disturb other commuters, but you couldn’t hear while your earbuds were still in. Your eyes zeroed in on his cheeks where there were tiny freckles kissed by a soft red flush, probably from running to the bus stop or something. Then you looked down, noticing how his lips were moving before his tongue ran between them, oh.

You picked your earbud out before tucking some hair behind your ear so you could see him properly, taking in a quick breath. “Sorry! What did you say?” you asked, corners of your lips tilted up.

Hinata chuckled, skipping the question of whether or not he could sit there. “What are you listening to?” he asked instead, pointing to the earbud you were rolling between your fingers.

You hesitated for a second before simply handing the earbud over, an inviting glint in your eyes as you silently let him indulge in your privacy. He smiled even brighter, making you squint slightly before he took the earbud and put it in his ear, subconsciously leaning a bit closer so he wouldn’t pull yours out.

And as he started slightly moving his head, you wondered what he was so happy about so early in the morning. If the sun’s brightest time is midday, why does it feel like it’s right here at 06.47? You chuckled silently under your breath, wondering if everyone else on the bus felt his warmth too. “I like your smile,” you said before you could stop yourself.

Hinata really liked your music, it suited you and at the same time, it was nothing like what he imagined. He didn’t listen to music that often, preferring to listen to his breathing and nature while jogging, but he could get used to this if he could share it with someone. With you.

When you took the initiative to talk more, he almost felt shy about it, lifting a hand to the back of his neck. “Thank you. I like your music,” he said, wanting to compliment you back but feeling like he couldn’t just say I like you. Because he did, he knew so little about you that it wasn’t easy to pinpoint anything, but he just liked you.

Eventually, you had to get off, so Hinata scrambled out of his seat, making your earbud fall out. Now he stood beside the seat, the two of you still connected as you held your phone and he had the earbud in. Quickly, he took it out and apologised, to which you told him not to worry before walking past him and in the heat of your fluster, you didn’t even say goodbye. You didn’t even catch his name.

The next time you sat down on the bus, you were determined to do better, exactly how Hinata was yesterday as he braced himself to talk to you. When Hinata once again stepped on the bus at his usual stop, you lifted your hand and waved at him, making him smile and come over to sit beside you. “Hey!” he greeted cheerfully.

“Hi,” you responded, very aware of your upper arm pressed against his even if there was space enough not to. You handed over one earbud for him, taking in a deep breath of courage. “You never told me your name.”

Hinata took the earbud but didn’t put it in his ear. “Shoyo. Hinata Shoyo.” He mentally cursed at how he sounded like James Bond, but every other thought dissipated when you responded with your name. He liked it. He looked at you, noticing how prettily your eyelashes swung out at the edge and how he could finally decide on your eye colour now that he saw you up close. “Pretty,” he whispered, not sure if he was talking about your name or just you.

You blushed, turning away for a moment and then looking back at him, wondering the same thing as he did. “What do you do, Shoyo?” you asked, letting his name roll off your tongue like a sour candy you weren’t sure you could handle but still felt tempted to eat up.

“I’m a professional volleyball player,” he answered, looking proud. Your eyes widened, lips parting in surprise.

“Really? That’s so cool!” you said, making sure you didn’t talk too loudly and disturb others on the bus. You were amazed and naturally let your eyes browse down to get a glimpse of his physique. Professional athlete. “I don’t know why I thought professional athletes didn’t use public transport.”

If you asked his teammates, they don't, he thought. Hinata nodded, mindlessly twirling the earbud in his hand, which made you take yours out and tug on the cord to put it away. “And you? What do you do?” He bit his lip lightly in anticipation, every one of his theories flashing by in his mind. He checked the screen to find it wasn’t that long until you had to get off.

“It’s boring, I work in a cafe,” you said, nose scrunching at how lame your job was compared to his.

“You don’t like it?” he asked curiously. You hummed a short tone, thinking about it.

“I kinda love it. It’s just not as cool as being a volleyball player,” you said, emphasis on the last words, which made Hinata huff out a short laugh. “I’m not sure what I want to do yet.”

“If you like it, it’s cool,” he said like there was no use arguing. And you suppose it wasn’t, because you should in fact enjoy these years of your life where you’re still figuring things out. “Can I come with you?”

You blinked at him, looking from the front of the bus and back to him. “Yes? But weren’t you going somewhere?”

“I don’t even have work today, I just got on the bus to see you,” he admitted, and you hoped your gleeful laughter covered the sound of your heartbeat.

Now you’re together all the time, but you’re not always on the bus. You’re at the cafe, taking a break and sharing a piece of cake, you’re in the park either talking and laughing or having him show you how to play volleyball and laughing even more, you’re at his place and kissing on his couch after not seeing each other all day while your music plays softly on the speakers, you’re at his game to cheer for him and then meet all his friends and perhaps even family, and you’re in a restaurant when he gives you a little silver ring to promise you two stick together even while figuring things out. Things like how to open a brand new cafe in Brazil after he airs the idea of moving back there.

Because the two of you just wanted to be together, like how flowers always seem to reach for the sun and the sun does its best to keep them warm in the limited time it has.

masterlist

/tags @hotvinimon @makkir0ll

[thenickgirl]

First Date HeadCanons

bf!nick x male!reader

requested by: nonnie 🎀

disclaimer: this is all fictional and based on my own conclusions.

warnings: short, not proofread, fluffy

a/n: saurrr sorry this is kinda short, but i literally have the worst block rn. don’t fight me guys, i’ll do better 😭

Nick on a First Date:

♡ despite him being a little nervous, he’d be so excited for your date, literally never shutting up about.

♡ he would have it all planned out to the T, wanting everything to be absolutely perfect.

♡ since he can’t drive, he’ll uber to your place and pick you up.

♡ i can’t see him showing up to your house with flowers, but i wont put it past him.

“umm…i got you these..”

♡ he would take you somewhere fun where he can get to know and have good time, maybe mini golf or or carnival or something of that nature.

♡ if he takes you to a carnival, he’ll grab your hand and drag you along to different game booths, trying to win the biggest plushie for you.

“nick, it’s okay really, you don’t have to…”

“noo, i wanna win this for you”

♡ if you’re at mini golf, he’ll get behind you, teaching you how to hold your club, showing you how to hit the ball, and even though you’ve played before you’ll pretend you haven’t because it’s so cute how concentrated he is about teaching you.

♡ he’s a big spoiler as well so whatever you see that you like he’s buying it for sure.

♡ he would be so giddy, blushing most of the time maybe stumbling his words.

♡ even with him being a little nervous, he would still tease you, making jokes here and there. he just loves hearing you laugh.

♡ he’ll hold your hand while you’re walking around, and if it’s chilly he’ll give you his jacket when you get cold.

♡ he would be flooding you with compliments the whole night

“you look amazing, by the way”

“i love that shirt on you”

“you’re so fucking cute”

♡ there would be lots of pictures. he’ll take so many of you and of you two together, and you would take a few of him as well.

“we actually look so cute together”

“yeah, we do. stick with me, kid”

“oh shut uppp”

♡ he would be staring at you the whole night, and when you catch him he’ll blush and look away.

♡ before the night ends, he’ll steal a kiss, taking your breath away.

“i’ve been wanting to do that all night”

🏷️: @mattslolita @muwapsturniolo @freshloveforthefit @guccifrog @luverboychris @sturniolossss @imsosillygoofylol @matty-bear @moonk1ss3d @ghostking4m @nicksmainbitch @orangelala

[nevermorgue]

Hii!

I'm wondering if you have some misfits platonic headcanons, for example I have a headcanon that in modern au Lenore, Pluto and Duke would have rent a flat together;

Something like that ;)

oh i’m so on board. i got you anon. modern au time.

- morella and eulalie play a lot of minecraft together. morella only uses the cherry blossom wood and eulalie likes to make exact replicas of everyone’s houses. it’s mildly concerning how accurate she gets them, even the colors of the closet walls.

- berenice can and will jumpscare children on halloween. lenore joins her. they accidentally get pluto at some point and he screams so loud that duke continues to make fun of him a month later

- morella encourages all of them to use her makeup whenever they want. she also loves doing eyeshadow on pluto. it took him a while to get comfortable with it but now he finds it relaxing

- berenice and duke are the ones to come up with stupid ideas for tiktoks that usually involve at least one person getting a stupid injury

- eulalie starts a pillow fort hierarchy. cats rule the land, and of course pluto is king.

- whenever lenore is playing piano, the others start roleplaying a royal ball sort of deal by slow dancing with each other and speaking in posh accents. it’s absolutely ridiculous

- they go to glow in the dark mini golf and make it a competition. whoever comes in dead last pays for doordash that night (it’s usually pluto. dude doesn’t have depth perception. but someone always slips him an extra few dollars into his pocket.)

- eulalie tried to summon a spirit in lenore, duke, and pluto’s apartment. she says she didn’t succeed, but duke insists there’s something. but he is very dramatic, so maybe it’s nothing!

- pluto will sleep until noon if nobody wakes him. the methods to get him up have gotten more and more creative as time goes on. currently, it’s blasting Malice Mizer on a bluetooth speaker

- berenice and lenore do that zip line thing that drops you a million feet on a harness. eulalie wanted to go too but she had work :( everyone else flat out refused to try. yes even duke

- duke insisted it was because he didn’t want to because of a ‘mild stomach ache’ but he’s a fucking liar

- they’ve definitely done that trend where they all buy each other really stupid t shirts and then go to a restaurant wearing them

- eulalie is really bad at keeping surprises a secret. she’s usually not let in on it until the very end because she’s just. bad.

- eulalie and duke try too hard during karaoke. and they always do duets. anything from frozen usually-

[capitalisticveins]

SURPRISE D.A.M.N CREW GENERAL HCs ‼️

I don’t like making hcs on my phone but Friendsgiving yesterday rlly motivated me to just do it

— Caelum likes to chew on his shirt when he’s bored

— Dear has 5 umbrellas even though they live alone

— FL has no idea AI art exists

— Dear likes to buy Lasko ties

— Caelum thinks cats are adorable but is absolutely terrified of them

— Gavin is shit at golf, bowling, and basically every sport in existence except for gymnastics, cheerleading, and table tennis

— Huxley can flex his tits

— Lasko buys every fan except Lasko brand fans

— Dear hasn’t played Mario Kart before but when they first played with Lasko they decimated him

— Damien’s favorite kind of animals are the hairless ones

— Caelum can’t hopscotch

— FL can’t be trusted to go grocery shopping for people because they have shit willpower and no common sense they will buy the wrong brand of item you want and buy 3 packs of pizza rolls for themselves with the person’s money

— Huxley can’t jump rope properly because the rope can’t go around his body

— Damien has a schedule of what to wear and when. He wears specific shirts on SPECIFIC days of the week.

— FL has a child safety lock on their computer for Caelum and Gavin

— Everyone has to tell Damien where they’re going whenever they leave their houses

— Dear somehow got everyone’s number before Friendsgiving and asked everyone to point out Lasko’s use of Mahogany/Burnt Sienna on the letters

— Gavin isn’t allowed inside Max’s Rustic Pizza anymore

— If Damien would let him, Huxley would touch lava, like seriously slap it

— FL likes to dress up as Aang for Halloween

— Lasko and Damien are the only ones to own a bidet

— Huxley owns a mermaid dress

— Gavin owns a fur coat

— As a kid, Huxley was too shy to ask his moms to peel his oranges for him so he just sorta ate them with the peel on until he was 11

— Gavin is banned on tiktok

- and twitter

— Caelum’s wings flap like a hummingbird’s

— Huxley is the only member to buy proper sweet snacks. Lasko buys offbrand and Damien doesn’t buy sweets

— Gavin’s favorite cartoon character is Bugs Bunny

— Despite popular belief, Damien is willing to wear an itchy ugly christmas sweater

— Dear owns a border collie

— Lasko writes fanfiction

— Huxley’s luck is fucking amazing when he plays DND, so much so that it pisses off Lasko and now whenever they campaign with others he makes Huxley the dungeon master

— Damien doesn’t know how to skip

— Gavin can make his own alcoholic beverage at will

— FL isn’t from Dahlia. They’re from NY, but have never been in NYC

— Dear has a very strong opinion on Dasani. I don’t know if they strongly dislike it or strongly like it, but they feel very strongly about it.

— Huxley heard the news about the Summit online, saw it was hosted by Vincent and Lovely, recognized Lovely’s name, and went “wait a minute—”.

— Damien has thought about burning his baby pictures when Huxley found them.

— He attempted to do it when Gavin found them.

— FL has a sweet tooth and since Huxley is the only member to buy sweets, they sneak into his house and consume most of it.

After Damien moved in with Huxley he once woke up at like 2am to get a glass of water and saw FL hunched over sucking the frosting off of the mini cupcakes Huxley buys and chugging milk out of the container, their eyes were glowing in the dark and there was a ton of containers on the floor.

Damien went back to sleep without saying a word. When he woke up all traces of FL being in the house were gone and they don’t recall the night ever happening. No one believes him.

The only reference to the night happening is that all the snacks he saw FL eating were gone.

Lasko believes him but FL won’t let him tell Damien he believes him (it has happened to Lasko too and that’s why he buys offbrand).

— Gavin has accidentally killed someone with a rift.

— Caelum too but he doesn’t know.

— Dear is gonna buy Lasko rash ointment for Christmas with no malicious intent whatsoever.

— Damien owns the same amount of shoes as Milo.

— Gavin can’t swim. Gavin’s bad at a lot of things.

— Caelum can swim with water wings. Caelum’s good at a lot of things.

[boatem-probler]

Cthulhu Returns as a Soccer Dad, in... Tokyo Soul!

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / You Are Here!

Last Time on Tokyo Soul...

"So yeah, these are definitely gonna come out slower from now on." -- Me, a Fool

Yeah I have no excuse. But! With this big batch of episodes down, the finale is so close I can smell it. It smells like something witty I'll think of later.

This report contains mentions of: Blood, Violence, Death, Guns Medical Malpractice, Allusions to Sexual Harassment/Assault

So Let's Get Back To It...

Episode 36 – A NEW FRIEND!!

Sam and Grian are on Taurtis’s computer, looking at his search history. He’s been searching for hair growth formulas.

Doughboy has been cooking parts of himself and distributing them to people.

Grian and Sam convince Taurtis to do several very stupid things on the premise that they can cure hair loss.

Geode is having a yard sale of all the trash he’s collected. And also Taurtis’s school locker.

They go to the train station to pick up another one of Sam’s friends, this time from Canada. He and Suspicious Person (remember Suspicious Person? From way back in episode 1?) walk out of the walkway on fire. The train platform is also on fire. Apparently Sam’s friend, Nick, set the fire.

Sam sent Nick Taurtis’s school uniform in the mail.

Sam apparently met Nick in a My Little Pony chatroom, where Nick said he was 14. The boys express doubt about this, given that Nick has a very full beard.

Grian: “We’ve had worse friends.”

Sam: “We were just talking about sports, right guys?” Grian: “Uh huh, sports! Footballfootballfootballtennishockey. Golf.”

I’m obsessed with the way he says this.

The cashier at the convenience store is Hank Kingofthe Hill except his name is Frank Chill. Just. By the way.

Episode 37 – DRAGON BALL Z!!

They all go over to Geode’s yard sale. He is frolicking around in the trash with a knife. He has a “mask” that is just a severed Dom Clone head. Grian wants to buy Taurtis’s locker. Geode just hands him a whole bunch of raw chicken. Geode doesn’t exactly grasp the concept of “sale”.

Another one of those weird aliens from the special has landed in the soccer field, and he’s brought Minions. Yes, those ones.

The alien guy gives a whole Dramatic Alien Speech to the effect of: he heard about Taurtis defeating that other alien guy in the special, and he would now also like to fight Taurtis.

Grian: “On a completely unrelated note, has anyone got any bullets?”

Basically Grian REALLY hates Minions and would really like the opportunity to actually shoot some in real life.

Anime Alien charges up for a good long while, and then Taurtis One Punches him. Then all the Minions charge, so the boys end up killing most of them too.

Sam: “How did you get this powerful, Taurtis?” Taurtis: “I did a push-up yesterday!”

As is tradition, they take Nick to Get His Class Schedule. Sam tells him there’s a fatality rate to the procedure, which I’m not sure I remember anyone saying before so he may just be fibbing. No one died that Sam saw, anyway.

Oh dear. So, Señor Loro is not wearing a shirt, because Geode is wearing his Christmas sweater. It turns out that Geode did, in fact, steal it from him without his knowledge, and attempts to deny ever having it. Despite this, Geode and Señor Loro both profess to being best friends. Grian is skeptical of the idea that someone would steal their best friend’s clothes and go to school wearing them. Sam argues that Grian has done that before. You may be able to see where this is going.

Anyway, Nick and Señor Loro fight. Unfortunately, someone has stolen all of the schedules.

Also this episode has the “Sam is my dog” blooper at the end.

EPISODE 38 – THE DARK LORD CTHULHU!

Chupa won the lottery for 5 cents, so he’s summoning Cthulhu again with a ritual meant to “gaze into time”. The ritual text is more old memes. Everyone makes Grian read it.

The whole class is transported to a room with blank white walls and a whole lot of bookshelves just kind of floating in various places. Igbar Cthulhu is there.

There’s also someone else who looks like a shadow with rainbow hair. Grian “wants whatever she’s smoking”.

Cthulhu has decided not to destroy humanity, and instead let Sam do it for him. Sam is “the cause of it all”. And also “the root of it all”.

Grian wants to know if he’ll ever get out of here. Cthulhu says it’s possible but not likely but also not really no.

Sam wants to know why they can still hear the school bell inside the weird room they’re in. Cthulhu says it’s a pocket space and they’re technically still in the classroom. Grian thinks this is bullshit and Cthulhu is just Saying Words.

Grian wants to know: “How do I kill Sam?” Cthulhu says: “You can’t.”

Also, the rainbow-hair shadow person is Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos. Sam and Grian start bullying her.

They transport themselves back to the classroom, and Cthulhu and Nyarlathotep come with them, because they want a front row seat to the world’s destruction. Also, Grian is jealous that Sam gets to be a horseman of the apocalypse and he doesn’t.

Sam is now threatening to destroy the universe when his friends are mean to him. Grian tries to call his bluff. There is a very ominous sound of thunder, but nothing else really happens.

Dr. Nurse has apparently gotten tired of Grian bugging him about “learning” all the time, so he’s taking the class on a field trip inside an ambulance. They’re going to see a car crash!

EPISODE 39 – CAR CRASH!

They arrive at the car crash. There is a man covered in blood standing in front of a burning car. He’s actually mostly fine, but the guy he crashed into, on the other hand, appears to have been… decapitated. Death is beautiful, remarks Cthulhu.

Oh, apparently the other guy is not fine, his organs feel squishy. Dr. Nurse gives him CPR. He dies.

Dr. Nurse gets a report of screaming… at Kurokuma’s house. Kurokuma claims he was just listening to Screamo. They can hear the screams. Once again, no one pays any attention to Grian’s protests. He doesn’t protest very much.

Then they all rush off to help Doughboy open a jar of pickles. Grian is pretty ticked off.

They go back to school for lunch. Grian reveals he took something from Cthulhu’s pocket dimension called a “Sleeping Chaos Potion”. He’s contemplating drinking it. Sam, of all people, points out that it’s probably a bad idea to drink something called a Sleeping Chaos Potion, but he still ends up chanting “chug” alongside everyone else.

Grian drinks the potion, and starts taking damage. Cthulhu says he’ll be fine, there will just be some “lingering side effects”. “If you have dreams about the world exploding, let me know.” This surely won’t have consequences! (But really, as far as I’ve been able to glean there aren’t actually any consequences for this within the canon of Tokyo Soul. I, however, can think of plenty of consequences!)

Also I feel like it’s worth noting, it turns out that Geode milking Dom way back however many episodes ago must have been accomplished with some sort of mod, and not by just hitting him and quickly swapping a pre-prepared bucket of milk into Geode’s hotbar as I has assumed, because every time someone hits someone else while holding an empty bucket, said bucket becomes a bucket of milk named “[username of the person who was hit]’s Milk”. I just thought you should all know that, because I am completely baffled by the fact that they chose to do this and then leave the mod on the server instead of doing a much easier classic filmmaking trick, for what was supposed to be a one-off gag. Anyway. I just had to get that off my chest.

Anyway they’re in gym class and Cthulhu wants Sam to kill Invader. He kind of sounds like a dad at his kid’s soccer game, except instead of soccer it’s the destruction of Earth.

Another Anime Alien has landed on the track behind the school. Sam shoots him and he dies.

Okay so I’m now coming back to this after God knows how long and also after a Very Long Day so I am very tired. We will see how this affects the Energy.

Where were we. Ah, right, this was supposed to be Jerry’s gym class. He’s at a bit of a loss. Jerry is one of the most reasonable and responsible people in this show honestly. Like, he’s trying. No One Else in this school is trying.

Students: So, what do we do for gym class now? Jerry: "Uh. Play?"

Also one of the students falls in a hole and everyone else starts badgering them with the milk buckets and the fishing rods that sound like guns. What is with these people and just leaving weird shit on this server that isn’t supposed to be there? It does add to the Atmosphere, I’ll give it that.

Episode 40 – KILL THE MINION!

Professor Geode has claimed all the unused classrooms as His House. Well, specifically his Holiday Home. He also has a Shop. Grian points out that it’s all very clean for Geode. He finds this suspicious.

Geode has an indoor yard. With sheep. And a Minion. The sheep are also robots?

Geode’s plan for today’s class is to dissect the Minion. Also, Google Docs is still trying to autocorrect “Geode” to “God”.

Geode bloodily slices from the Minion: A Watermelon Slice. A Single Rose. The Minion Energy Core (he’ll save this for later). A Bucket Of Milk. Numerous Garbage Bags. A Potion Bottle Of Blood. More Cores. And A Skull. Sam speculates whether the skull means that the Minion ate a human alive, and then simply assumes it does mean that. Geode then kills the Minion.

Grian wonders if Geode has been learning what friendship is. Taurtis looks directly at the sun.

Taurtis: "Do you ever wonder if we’re alone in the universe?" Grian: "NO."

Oh, Jerry has stolen Geode’s TV. Now I know I just said Jerry is one of the more reasonable characters but I fucking love Jerry and Dom’s TV Saga so he can steal as many TVs as he wants.

Sam remembers that Taurtis technically won a spaceship that morning, so they go over to the soccer field and break into it. The ship pranks them with a fake self destruct sequence, and then the boys accidentally take off for Planet Canada.

And then it’s…… the end of the day, but not the end of the episode? But it seems like it’s still the end of the recording session because they’re now making an excuse for why Grian isn’t there and going off to do some whole other plot? And I’ve decided this is too confusing for this late at night so I’m calling it here for now.

Okay I’m back. Let’s see… Taurtis’s hair is growing back in weird patches because he’s been using a suspicious hair growth serum, Grian got left in Canada and Sam blames Taurtis because the spaceship is technically his.

Taurtis: "He’ll be fine, he’s with Nick- oh, God, you’re right." Sam: "He’s screwed, dude!"

Regardless, Sam has decided that he wants to be a superhero too.

They go downstairs, where the house is covered in “totally not stolen” appliances. Like, not just TVs, there’s also ovens, landline phones, refrigerators, an entire streetlight, and Taurtis’s locker. Apparently this was Jerry and Doughboy’s doing.

Dom seems to be dressed up as some superhero I haven’t heard of. Oh, he’s Rorschach from Watchman apparently.

Some sort of robot appears and says it has come for the “bald one”. It’s here to kill Taurtis before he becomes too strong. It was also sent by someone called “The Steampunker”.

Episode 41 – MEETING SUPER HEROES!

Sam and Taurtis tell the robot to shut up while they argue about which one of them should be the sidekick. The robot starts speaking in binary and then attacks Taurtis, who kills it. Sam and Taurtis continue their argument.

Sam says he’s “contacted” some superheroes and takes Taurtis to meet them. Also, Alex Minecraft is just, like, There and walking around. Wait, there’s some Steves too, a weirdly high amount of people just don’t have custom skins on in this recording session apparently.

They meet up with Sam’s superheroes at a coffee shop. There are also two Inconspicuous Bald Men at the coffee shop. Oh also one of the “superheroes” is Old Kurokuma, currently under the name “Kuma the Lion”.

The other superhero is called Captain Radiator or Luke, I assume he’s meant to be a reference to something but I have no idea what. But he’s wearing a yellow hazmat suit.

Sam wants his superhero name to be “The Strongest in All the Universe and the Leader of All”.

Kurokuma is still a creep.

Sam: "Okay, well my superpower, is… that… Taurtis! He- he neeed me. In the time of need."

Sam is also still insisting that he can destroy the universe because Cthulhu said so. Taurtis continues to doubt this.

Sam is given a superhero outfit. It is a rabbit costume.

Taurtis: "How do you defeat people like that? Do you like, jump on their head like Mario?" Sam: "I kill them with cuteness! And this 50-caliber sniper rifle."

Ah, the Inconspicuous Bald Men are holding up the superstore.

Episode 42 – SUPER VILLAINS!

They attempt to enter the superstore from the roof, but Taurtis misses the jump and gets trapped in an alleyway, so they all just agree to meet him at the front of the store.

Captain Radiator takes off his mask and gives everyone in the store radiation poisoning. It is unclear what this actually accomplishes.

Also, The Steampunker has appeared outside the superstore. He’s captured Invader and wants the heroes to meet him in a warehouse at midnight. The heroes just go there immediately.

Then they spend a Good Five Minutes trying to think of a superhero team name.

Captain Radiator tries to give the robots radiation poisoning, but fails, because they’re robots.

Oh also Invader is just kind of dangling above a vat of goo that supposedly will turn her into a robot. She doesn’t seem particularly distressed or anything though.

Taurtis volunteers to take Invader’s place because he thinks being a robot would be cool. Sam thinks this will put Taurtis under the Steampunker’s control, so they should kill him first. The Steampunker says the robot goo won’t work if he’s dead. Sam decides this means he can take the Steampunker’s place after they kill him and then he’ll be the one to control Robot Taurtis. Taurtis says he’d rather be controlled by the Steampunker.

Anyway, I think they eventually decide they want to kill the Steampunker after all, because Taurtis decides he wants to fight on the edge of the goo vat (because it’d be cool)... and the Steampunker punches him into the goo.

Episode 43 – KILL ME!

Taurtis breaks out of the vat and kills the Steampunker (he tried to let Sam kill him, but Sam failed). Then they try to get Invader down, but accidentally drop her into the vat. And it seems like her face is melting off, so Sam et al. run out of the warehouse like cowards.

Cthulhu shows up to tell Sam how proud he is of him for killing more people and melting a girl’s face off. Nyarlathotep gives everyone Mountain Dew. Cthulhu insults Taurtis’s hair, so Taurtis tries to punch him, it doesn’t work, and Cthulhu electrocutes him with a bolt of lightning.

Sam and Taurtis break into someone’s house and sneak out the back door, so Kurokuma doesn’t find out where they live. It doesn’t work, because they forgot they live with three other people who have no idea what the fuck they’re trying to do.

Dom, Jerry, and Doughboy are just living their best TV stealing lives and I support them.

Once AGAIN they are starting a new day in the middle of an episode and it’s really throwing me off my rhythm!!

Anyway. Taurtis has changed out of his One Punch Man outfit, and he’s in the kitchen angrily trying to make breakfast because, according to him, someone sent him a letter saying that if he didn’t make food, he’d be “fired”. I think it’s implied that Sam sent this letter, and that Taurtis knows this, and that Sam knows Taurtis knows this? But who honestly fucking knows with Sam.

Grian walks in! Apparently he’s “just been in orbit for a while”. He’s very confused about why there are so many appliances in the house. He also acquired his own spaceship somehow, and parked it on the roof.

Is it more interesting if the spaceship simply fell out of orbit directly above “Tokyo”/navigated there on its own automatically, implying that there is some supernatural force keeping Grian trapped there, or if Grian decided to go back there himself? Discuss. I could go either way, honestly, although I would like to find a way to have both, ideally.

Oh, apparently the context behind “Taurtis angrily making food or else he’ll be fired” is that it was something CC!Sam decided he wanted to do like right before filming the scene. “And then you can poison my food or something.” The more you know!

Thank God this episode doesn’t end in the middle of anything honestly.

Grian Trauma Count!

Deaths Witnessed:

Anime alien

Lots of minions

He didn’t actually witness the death, but he did see the decapitated body, so, Car Crash Victim Number the First

Car Crash Victim Number the Second

Grian seems pretty sure whoever was in Kurokuma’s basement died

Anime Alien The Second

Minion

Listen he had to get that second spaceship somehow

Injuries Sustained:

Basically anytime the guns come out I assume he gets shot a few times

Traumatic Events:

Subjected to another one of Sam’s shady friends

A somewhat all-powerful evil being tells him that Sam is going to destroy the world, there’s no way out of this town for him, and he can’t even kill Sam about it

Kurokuma

Sleeping Chaos Potion (even if there are no consequences in the canon series, it did still definitely hurt)

Look, he didn’t seem all that shaken up by the Minion Dissection, but I think it should still count

Got left in Canada. Again.

Next Time... Grian Pushes Someone Into A Big Hole

[cecilyv]

Hitting some balls at Topgolf was just a precursor for Gerrard to determine if Buck was worthy of taking out to the club, spending four hours together on the course. Buck behaved himself, because, well, he'd always wanted to go to Topgolf and as shitty as spending some of his limited hours outside of work with his new boss was, at least now he knew that the hype was worth it. He got a foot in with Gerrard and a plan for Tommy's birthday.

And he'd listened to his dad talk about his golf club enough as a kid to know the basic etiquette, the general do's and don'ts, so he took great joy in pulling up in his jeans and t-shirt, thumbing his nose at the members as they eyed him with disdain. He popped into the proshop to greet Gerrard who met with him an open mouth and a muttered, "where's your bag, you've got to changed clothes, you're violating dress code."

And Buck's tilts his head, says innocently, "dress code?"

And Gerrard has to scurry around, tossing a collared shirt and a belt on the counter, asking under his breath to the clerk if they have any pants his guest can borrow, and Buck just ignores everyone to browse through the hats and golf clubs, touching everything and leaving things just slightly awry.

He apologizes in his head to the staff, and promises himself he'll leave a big tip for them at the end.

Buck changes in the dressing room and then meets Gerrard and his two buddies and their caddies on the first tee. Greets them, shakes their hands, and makes a show of looking through his bag, asking the caddy what club he thinks he should use, asks about the terrain.

Watches the men all hit from the black tees but knows that's maybe too much embarrassment for himself, lines up at the blues and then takes his time. Takes a couple of prep swings, takes a step back, looks down the fairway, lines himself up again, goes to swing and backs away.

Looks at the friends and says, "sorry, it's been a while."

Proceeds to do this on every shot for the next 18 holes, long past when the marshall comes over and asks their group to please hurry up, because there's other groups behind them and they're slowing the course down and Buck apologizes profusely and then dithers between using his driver or his 3-iron on the next tee.

When they're on the 5th green, he considers yelling "Get in the hole!" as Gerrard putts, but can't bring himself to be quite that loud and obnoxious.

It doesn't matter; Gerrard is turning redder and redder, and has stopped looking at his friends, has his head down the whole time. Buck just smiles at them winningly, chatting away with the friends as they walk down the fairways, telling stories about the firehouse and the rescues and the helicopter to the cruise ship and despite the fact that this round will probably end up taking them five hours and get them reprimands from management, they're eating out of his hand.

He does buy them both burgers and beers at the turn.

Signs off on his card and takes a minute to look around, because it is a gorgeous facility and he will never be invited back, unless it's on call. Calls Tommy to gloat about the success of his undercover, drive-gerrard-crazy mission.

Gets yelled at again for using his cell phone somewhere other than the parking lot.

[goongiveusnothing]

There is no way Taylor was endgame. He was very conscious of looking super old whenever he stood next to her. I guarantee he hated that.

It’s definitely the warm up for an album rollout. First, the pap stroll with his ‘I like to watch’ tshirt was a creepy attempt to ‘bring sexy back’ 🤮

It was meant to counter the unflattering but true comments about his hair plugs and botox tour but gp didn’t care that much because he ugly. Next, is traumatized but single. He hasn’t been portrayed as a victim lately, so babygirl Harry with a broken heart would be the perfect way to get Harries to buy more records and pleasing.

that whole "i like to watch" shirt also struck me as single people "sexyback" activity LMAO it's always funny when someone says something i was thinking, 'cause it really means it's noticeable and obvious. because i was thinking it seemed disrepectful to taylor to be walking around like that, it invites sexual suggestion and wanting women around him to sort of have a sexual or flirtacious reaction to it. like most of his sexual stuff onstage, this comes across as plain harassment to me.

from the start he's tried to deliberately keep the taylor thing casual. deuxmoi reporting on him flirting with other women at that golfing event where he trialled out the elvis presley sideburn wiglets. him never publicly acknowledging her, not even with some story in the sun or people, not until he went off to get his hair plugs put in and suddenly fed a story to the sun about how he and taylor went off on a nice caribbean vacation together. i found conveniently using your girlfriend as a PR cover story for when you had your hair plugs inserted seemed a little strange for some loved up relationship. then that weird fucking sun article about them breaking up in december, right when he was launching his perfume and pop ups. then having it instantly deleted. harry knows fans love it when he breaks up with a girl and it generates talk, so the timing of that article was strategic.

then that sudden people article during his co-flop crisis where he announced they were "fairly serious". who the fuck announces a "fairly serious" relationship? it's like he wanted to use the relationship for a story, but didn't want taylor to get her hopes up, or make it seem anymore than it was.

i 100% think that harry broke up with taylor, same as he did with olivia. with taylor i think he was just bored, he knew it wasn't end game and if he's about to tour and launch music, he definitely doesn't want to be weighed down by her. remember DM saying that olivia "knew what he was like on tour" and knew he'd be getting around?

so if he tries to portray himself as a heartbroken victim in his love life, we know this man is a scammer and a liar.

[get-rammed]

I have a Question three questions about animatronics y/n handler.

Question 1. Das monty try and comfort talk or brain comfort food or idem to. y/n animatronics handler.

Question 2. Das the animatronics y/n handler have there room connected to Monty room or do they shear the room together as roommates ?

Question 3. Can animatronics y/n wear Monty old gater golf clothing. if so das y/n look like the old Monty before he got his upgrades were done. If so das Monty let hime wear the old stuff to remember the better times ?

1. He forces Tyler to go an get any items they ask for. Tyler is a dick but he's not heartless. He also knows he could be next. So he's lowkey trying to redeem himself before becomes robot™

2. They're forced to be roommates. Sold to the public as besties! His new buddy takes care of him all the time! Buy their cute buddy plushies today 💕💕 they have no way of voicing anything different :)

3. Monty wears his old shirt sometimes

But he's technically not allowed to. He would allow them to wear his old get up, but they are much thinner and smaller, where his golf form was very bulky and stocky. Wearing the outfit would probably do more harm mentally to Y/N than good tbh

[faghubby]

Evolution continues

It had been weeks since I had let Jake penatrate me in anyway. Every since the night of the sex party. I just didn't see him the same. He was more reserved he stopped even asking about where I was going or who I had been with. I would give him a hand job when he looked desperate.

Larry became less and less often but I found other men to fill in. I loved sex and was always horny. Twice sometimes three times a week I would find a man to fuck me. One night I came home late. Jake was still up. I kissed him hello and he held my arm. Not hard but firm.

"What do you want?" I teased my hand sliding into his sweat pants.

"Can't we " he whined alittle. I took him buy his hand and led him to the bedroom. He stripped me. I felt my lovers cum running down my leg.

"If you clean me, I will let you fuck me" I told him. He looked at me. Then dropped to his knees. The lights still on I knew he could see the man's cum. He didn't hesitate his tounge touching half way down my leg he licked the cum from my thigh. I laid down giving him better access as he sucked and licked cum out of my swollen cunt. It was so hot. I came twice before I pushed him away.

"You earned it" I smiled motioning him to mount me. He just looked away.

"What?" I asked rubbing his leg. I felt wet. I looked and realized he had cum in his undies.

"Someone got to excited" I teased. "Let's get you changed" I got up and grabbed a pair of my panties. Simple cotton bikini cut with straps design. I slid off his briefs and pulled the panties on him. He didn't resist.

"My little girlie husband" I teased. He blushed so red I laughed. We went to bed. Him wearing my panties as I slept next to him naked.

I woke first. I remembered that he had my panties on and pulled the covers down. He was asleep on his stomach. I pulled the panties down and grabbed some lube. I lubed his hole and my fingers. He woke as I pushed the first finger in.

"Shhh it's ok sweety, just relax" I told him he moved alittle giving me better access. I fingered him adding a second and even a third finger.

"Your ass is so greedy" I told him. I positioned him lifting his ass in the air. I took out my 6 inch punk vibrator and inserted into him. He cried out in pleasure when I turned it on. Bucking like crazy as I fucked him with it. He collapsed after only 10 minutes. He had cum in my panties.

"A man won't stop just because your done" I teased. And he lifted his ass back up. So I fucked him some more.

"You want a big hairy man to fuck you like this?" I teased. He said nothing just moved to relieve my quick thrust. I was amazed when he came a second time. This time I pulled the toy free.

"Go shower" I told him. "And Jake, I think if your going to take dick you should have no more hair then I do" I told him. Showing him my tiny little wisp of hair. As he showered I went to my favorite online sex store and ordered a strapon. Along with some other things.

When Jake got out of the shower he showed me that he had shaved from his knees to his chest. I showed him a new pair of panties I had picked for him. These where much smaller. I watched as he slid them on. His little penis was so spent it had shriveled up almost inside him.

"My little sissy husband, I have a date today" I told him.

"Do you want to dress up, like that sissy we saw at the party?" I asked him.

"No" Jake told me. I just smirked and went into the closet. I found a pair of shorts we had bought but he didn't like said they where to small. I had him put them on. They where kinda tight. I then got him his pink golfing shirt. He never wore. And sandels.

"You look like a sissy now" I told him. "Maybe we can find you a big cock to play with" I continued his face turned white.

I sat him down and gave him a pedicure and a manicure. I painted his toes bright pink.his fingers just clear. When I left to meet my lover I left my vibrator and lube out on his nightstand.

"In case you get horny" I told him. Then laid out one of my nightie.

"I want you wearing that when I get home" I told him kissed him and left.

[cyborg-franky]

A mini date? Obviously with my big beefy cute old-ass roger please 🫣

YES for you my loove.

The flowers he brings you

What he's wearing. Okay lets be real he looks like something out of a 80s power ballad. Frilly shirt that's open and showing off his chest hair, a big hat and flared pants.

Where he takes you

PIRATE THEMED MINI/CRAZY GOLF!! He fucking loves this. He also looks like he could work here. He loves how fun and silly it is, he'll be buying drinks and you guys won't even keep score whose winning because it's such a wild night.

He kisses you on the lips, his mustache tickling.

[bropunzeling]

fic author Never Have I Ever brady/quinn?

oh gosh do i want to write a fic for them so bad. i am a bit intimidated just bc i have mutuals who are Hughes Bros Scholars and i am not a scholar, merely auditing the classes as it were, but like. they're besties! they had to do a stupid odd couple video for the draft! the way quinn looked at brady at his wedding gets me!!!!!!!! and while i have some concepts that i am v seriously batting around (ballet quinn you are IN THE QUEUE) i also have some where idk if i will ever get to it, and one of the latter is the one where brady gets divorced.

the thing is, no one ever gets married expecting to get divorced, and brady certainly did not get married expecting to get divorced. two years ago, he would've said they were happy and he wouldn't have been lying; a year ago, he would've said they were happy and it would've been - not the truth, exactly, but not a lie, either. they were happy, most of the time. happy enough.

and then they weren't happy. these things happen, apparently. you can try your hardest, give 110%, and it still won't be what the other person needs. what they thought life would be like and what you did aren't lining up, can't line up. hard to stay married after that.

they finalize the paperwork during brady's bye week. when he signs on the line, brady can't help feeling like he's fallen short, somehow.

the sens do okay. make the playoffs, which has happened more frequently than it hasn't in the past four years; lose in the first round, which is - also pretty typical. brady hangs out with his siblings for a few weeks, hits the golf courses with dad, tries to keep his mind off his season.

mom sometimes mentions his ex in passing, but only when she thinks brady can't hear her. brady tries not to be too upset about it.

midway through the summer, brady goes to michigan. he didn't go to the lake that much when he was younger - always spending time with his family, and then with his girlfriend, and then it was his wife, and well - there wasn't time. but this summer, he's at loose ends, and he accepts quinn's invitation gratefully.

the best thing about it is quinn is the only one who isn't treating brady like he's different, like something happened. which, yes, a lot of things happened, but that doesn't mean brady wants to think about it. brady wants to try out jetskiing, brady wants to beat quinn and then jack and then trevor at beer pong. brady wants to help quinn buy groceries and put on a party. brady wants to do circuits and watch quinn's t-shirt cling to his back. brady wants to sit on the dock and talk about nothing, the way they used to all the time as teenagers.

about a week in, brady realizes that he doesn't just want to sit on the dock with quinn. he wants to put his hand on the small of quinn's back. he wants to rub a knuckle along the nape of quinn's neck, to see if quinn will flinch, or shiver. he wants to - does, not on purpose, but he does - reach out and tug at quinn's hair. longer now. it falls in his eyes. he wants to kiss quinn, and one night, he does.

for a millisecond, quinn kisses back, and it's up there for one of the best things that's ever happened to brady.

then quinn pulls back, eyes flat and revealing nothing. when brady tries again, quinn puts a hand between their chests. when brady asks why - quinn liked it, quinn wants it, he kissed back - quinn stares at the splintery wood of the dock and says, you don't get to just - decide you want to kiss me because you're sad, or you - you don't get to. not when i -

quinn doesn't say anything else, but he doesn't have to. brady knows, now. he can read it all over quinn's face.

[thenightlymirror]

Memorial Day weekend, Harms sees a post from a woman she met recently that she’s going on a sudden vacation for the weekend and needs someone to watch her kid.

Now, this sounds pretty crazy to her that someone she just met is going to allow her to stay at her house for three days to watch her 14 year-old kid, but she volunteers.

She brings her 6 year-old little girl with her, and calls me up, because they are maybe 10 minutes from where I work. I meet them at a pizza pub down the street, and this is where I have to explain Benson.

Benson is OBSESSED with Mr. Bungle. Yes, Mike Patton’s Mr. Bungle. She knows his entire discography. She can recite the entire early history of Mr. Bungle, demo by demo, record by record. She does this while speeding around the kitchen in a baggy black S.O.D. T-shirt and trucker’s cap, walking the same circle over and over again.

I say “she” in the loosest terms. Me and Harms have our suspicions, and Benson says she goes by he or she, but NEVER they. She’s non-binary but not woke about it. Whatever.

I stop calling her by her dead name and call him Benson for the rest of the night, which he prefers.

The night starts off with Harms taking the kids to buy birthday paraphernalia for the cat, this gray longhair named Smokey. So, I’m just sitting in some strangers house with their cats for a half hour. We have a birthday party for the cat. I break out my tarot cards. We listen to some records and interrogate this little non-binary kid. Harm’s daughter loves the tarot cards.

I say, we have to keep this hush-hush, but who would like to take a golf cart ride around the cemetery? Everyone. Amelia sits up front and tells me her ideas about reincarnation. I tell her about Jorge Luis Borges and eternal return. They love it.

Me and Harms love these kids. And it was like this weird spontaneous family that felt perfectly right. We talk for another hour or two. Benson wakes up to pace some more. You can tell he likes the audience. He’s being himself at full volume.

In the morning, I get a text from Harms asking wouldn’t it be funny if I came over to watch the kids so she could talk to an old boyfriend of hers for a few? She says he’s over there now, teaching Amelia how to use a switchblade. I look at my phone. Put it down.

Later I get a text that they dropped him off and want to get dinner somewhere. I meet them for some ice cream. You can tell Amelia and Benson are getting on each other’s nerves a bit. I feel like Harms’s little girl is learning what it’s like to not be the coolest kid in the room, what it’s like to be a little younger, not punk enough. She’s trying to act up a little, and it’s both sweet and a little sad.

They come over to my place, and it’s clear that they are the first visitors I’ve had in over a year. It’s not a place for visitors, let alone kids. I clear off some chairs, put on some music, and sit at the kitchen table with Amelia to do another tarot reading. I try my best to pay her some childlike attention. It’s funny, because all my friends’ kids are about the same age. With a teenager, they’re like appropriately aged versions of my lowlife friends, but with Amelia, she’s a goofy little girl. You have to be a goofy little girl.

She cries a little bit when they go.

A few days later, Harms texted me, asking if I remembered what we were chanting together, that one warm October night where we were swimming together in her backyard, gathered around Amelia in her floaties, making huge tidal waves squeezed together like huge sardines.

For the life of me, it’s like she pulled the words out of my memory, and we went back and forth for a few hours trying to figure it out.

[cordycepsfem]

Pageboy Readthrough, Part Four

Previously

EP talks about her complicated relationship with her mom

Mom made her do things like wear dresses and tights and barrettes

Mom was worried about EP's future as a GNC person/potential lesbian/little strange kid

your reviewer says that's normal, even if it's unkind

we learned that EP's mom thinks boys should not be friends

your reviewer says that's not normal

your reviewer got maudlin at the end of it all and it was kinda a bummer

You can find previous parts of this readthrough here.

Now

Chapter Five

Jesus Christ we start off with this boat thing again

I am so sorry Halifax that for the short time I was in you I was eating waffles and buying doughnuts and trying not to get a parking ticket and not paying attention to your obviously super important maritime disaster issue

I will do better next time

EP should just write a book about this disaster - it can't be any less readable

but if you want to read an actual book about the disaster that's already written may I recommend this one

anyway sorry what was the point of this?

oh: the anchor from this ship explosion is 2 minutes away from where EP's dad lived

we learn more about maritime history - seriously, EP, think about it

Dad was a graphic designer with a mini golf hole thing in his office

EP imagines herself as the next Ernie Els (and yes I am proud that I didn't need to look up the name of an actual golfer, you are correct)

as far as I can tell no one tells EP that women also play golf

it goes from ships and golf to "oh, shit" in the way that one reacts to a sad disaster, because I now feel bad for EP who is clearly not well:

Really, lady? You published this? I can't decide if this is a "Buddhist one with the whole world" thing or a cry for help, because when I felt this way - that I was a meaningless speck in the universe - the people who loved me got me help.

Also, last time I checked meaningless specks don't get acting jobs or book contracts, so... perhaps not so "almost nothing," hey, EP?

EP gets a stepmother

the stepmother comes with two children

the stepmother had a waterbed (the only one EP has ever seen) and works as a food stylist

as a digression here, has anyone ever seen more than one waterbed? because I was thinking about it and I have only seen exactly one waterbed in my life

EP has a crush on Sandra Bullock, who stars in a movie that EP's stepmother "food styles" for

later in life she has dinner with Sandy and Sandy is great

EP starts to tell us about how she was a picky eater but for some reason devolves into a story about a Canadian lighthouse

we eventually get to the point that she was a picky eater and she was forced to eat things she didn't like

EP and her dad and her stepmother and the two stepsiblings all move in together

we learn more Canadian history here which I swear I would be very into if that was what kind of book I was told this would be

the one boy I ever dated before realizing I was a lesbian was super into Canada in a way that is extreme for someone who is not Canadian, and I enjoyed experiencing Canadian culture with him rather than trying to come up with new excuses why I didn't want to kiss or hold hands, so please believe me when I say I am all about Canada

like any human with a new room EP is excited to decorate

EP gets dreamy about having a stepbrother

like, really dreamy

by this we can infer that no one told EP the following things:

girls can remove their shirts that way as well

girls also have torsos and can wear dangling chains

anything you can buy in the supermarket will not change your sex, including Old Spice

ETA: I came back here because a "dab" and a "dollop" are two specific unspecific measurement units that don't interact, like ounces and inches, and it finally got to me that I didn't include it. You can "dab" cologne, you cannot "dollop" cologne unless you are literally pouring it over yourself in a ladle. If EP was doing that, I retract my remark.

the next part makes me super unhappy as someone who knows how physically capable boys, especially boys who play sports, are and how powerful they can be

but Scott manages not to paralyze EP

he just continues to be a prick, as does EP's stepmother

also, I have two siblings and we were never rough in the way that EP says Scott was - maybe because they're both female?

EP enjoys Playmobil and still likes to play alone

EP gets ready to go on an adventure, like a normal kid might, only to have her terrible stepfamily tease her

I am so sorry, EP, please go back to Canadian history

Dad was nicer when Linda wasn't around (shocker, men are a bummer)

also a bummer: this step mom

at this point I will now fight anyone EP directs me to fight on her behalf

I know it's a whiplash but seriously:

I was a weird kid. I was a lot. And yet never did my parents make me feel like I was wrong. They pointed out that I did things differently, or liked different things, and that the things I liked and did might not match up with what other people thought someone like me should do. But mostly they let me do what made me happy, to an appropriate extent.

They never mocked me when I was caught up in a world of elaborate fantasy. I went on lots of "adventures" to the point where I still call any unexpected journey, especially one I get to choose, be it to the 7-11 or the pharmacy, an "adventure," because it shakes up the day a bit.

They didn't shield me from some social consequences of being weird but they taught me that being myself was really more important. And they never asked me Why aren't you like them?

In fact, as the years have gone on and I've struggled with my mental and physical health, with employment, with my sexuality and my body, with living close to poverty, with everything - I have been the one asking my parents Are you ashamed I'm not like them? in regards to their friends' kids. Not a doctor, not a lawyer, not a mom?

And every single time, No. You're the one we love. You are on a journey that is uniquely yours and we are blessed to be a part of it. Unconditionally, without a second thought.

And as the designated "weirdo" in all of my growing-up-school years, I would have been EP's friend in an instant. We could have bonded over our short haircuts and picky eating and been the two weirdos together. Then neither of us would have been alone.

... and I guess we end this part same as we did the last one, with me super bummed and marginally more educated about Canadian history.