#where ppl conflate aroaces with aces

[redysetdare]

tumblr keeps sending me posts from aromantic ppl with the worst possible takes and it's getting on my nerves

[bunnyblooms]

OKAY FUCKER ALL THE QUESTIONS FROM THAT ASK MEME THE LGBT ONE

1. Identity and pronouns.

I'm agenderfluid and they/them pronouns. My sexuality is aroflux and asexual.

2. How did you discover your sexuality?

Pretty much at 14 was like "idk i don't relate to everyone else i don't find celebrities hot or sex remotely something i want. If i could reproduce without sex i would. Oh. I'll just call myself asexual, like a sponge!" (Which asexual is incidentally what the creators of Spongebob were going for, fun facts. Spongebob is ace rights.)

3. Have you experienced being misgendered? How do you overcome it?

Mmmm I am constantly misgendered bc I'm nonbinary and live in a binary society and the way I compartmentalize it is basically just dressing how I want and not making an attempt to pass as anything tbh. The only time I feel misgendered is when someone knows my pronouns and doesn't use them anymore tbh. So basically. Letting go of how I want to be perceived helped. I will say tho, I refuse to come out to my dad bc he won't respect it and it'll be more painful hearing him misgender me knowing how I identify, but. That's certainly a privilege I have since I'm not transitioning. (ATM at least.)

4. Who was the first person you told? How did they react?

I technically didn't come out as ace. My ex-best friend knew bc I talked about it, but neither of us knew it was an identity. So the transition upon finding the label was virtually nonexistent and all of my friends were LGBTQ as well so it wasn't stressful or shocking. It helps that around the time I discovered the label I'd met two friends who were ace and felt the same way I did. My experience with my asexuality is definitely the model that should be the norm with the community and what we as a society should aim for.

As for my gender I'd made comments in the past that I wished I could just be genderless and it really kind of sat with me when my ex-best friend came out as trans bc I was like "Oh? You don't have to be the gender you are at birth?" Belial from Angel Sanctuary was a character that resonated with me at the time, and this was right around the time I made my ace friends. It wasn't until a year later that I discovered the nb community and one friend who was genderfluid that I decided to start trying different pronouns. And basically I came out as questioning and transitioned to nb without a formal declaration, which I also feel should be the goal for society.

I was at a con with my best friend at the time who was trans and he'd come out with my now ex-best friend while they were dating. And I was really anxious bc I felt like ppl would assume I was a transtrender and shit, and my friend said something about gender and I kind of awkwadly implied I might not identify as female and he was really great about it! He was like "If you wanna talk about it or try different pronouns you can." :D

5. Describe what it was like coming out.

I pretty much did this im question 4 hehehe.

6. If you're out, how did ppl react?

I'm not out to family, that I know of. They found my facebook which has my identity listed in my about, so I'm in limbo with them where none of us talk about it so idk if they register it as an LGBTQ thing or not.

My friends were all supportive! It helps that I have like no cishet friends lmao.

I also came out to my class on TDOV two years ago for a project where we step outside our comfort zone. I'm luckily in the social work program which has social justive built into the tenants of the profession so it was pretty positive! People still misgendered me after and were more concerned with "but i'm scared of ppl getting angry at me what should i do to talk about this with them" which. 9__9 Not surprising. But there was a mom whose kid and her kid's partner are both genderfluid and bigender so it was a good experience and I had an ally which made me comfortable in sharing it in the first place.

7. What is one question you hate ppl asking about your sexuality?

Inevitably when I say I'm ace, non-aces assume I have no interest in dating which. Way to conflate being aroace with ace and ignore that there are aros and aces who want relationships. That's my biggest pet peeve.

8. Describe the style of clothing you often wear.

I wear flannels and ripped jeans or shorts mainly. I basically dress like a butch lesbian. I'll wear dresses and stuff but I do not like dressing femme and prefer to offset softer things with hard things. Like. When I wear dresses I have to wear clunky combat boots with them or have short hair or something.

9. Who are your favorite LGBTQ+ ships?

Hmmm. Depends if you mean canon or not. Canon, it's probably FigAyda from D20 and Catradora from She-ra. Shion/Nezumi from No.6 is also one of my faves. There's also Chie and Ai from Virgin's Empire. Blupjeans from The Adventure Zone and JonMartin from The Magnus Archives.

As for Not Confirmed ships, I like Flick/CJ from Animal Crossing, Tsuna/Enma from Katekyo Hitman Reborn, uhhh. Reigisa from Free!, Kanji/Naoto from Persona and Chihiro/whatever the fuck his name is Mondo? Or the other guy I forget, from Danganronpa. Also RenLaw, RenStrade, and VinceLaw+VinceFarz from BTD.

(I am including straight relationships involving trans ppl obv.)

10. What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

I hate how I look with make up it makes me dysphoric. But to me makeup is a good expressive outlet and bomb as hell, so when I do wanna wear makeup, I prefer wearing eyeliner and lipstick (esp in black or blue or green or purple) and glitter.

11. Do you experience dysphoria? How does it affect you?

I experience what I refer to as Silhouette Dysphoria a lot. I experience chest dysphoria but a lot of times it's less about me having them at all and me not liking how I look with them. The same goes for my hips and overall shape. Hence silhouette. I also experience genital dysphoria to a lesser degree, and when I do it's less hating my genitals bc they should be different but more just having any at all. Luckily I was born with internal genitalia so I don't have to think about it as much. Social dysphoria I also experience, but I've talked about that already.

How I deal with it is binding and stuff.

12. What is the stupidest thing you've heard said about the LGBTQ+ community?

Hmm. The ppl who genuinely argue that accepting the community means you'll be forced to accept pedophilia or beastiality. Like. Lmao no?

13. Favorite thing about the community?

I just love how great it feels to be in it tbh. It can be so positive and loving and just genuinely make you feel good about yourself.

14. Least favorite thing about the community?

Exclusionists.

15. Have you ever been to your city's pride event?

No, but I went to Pride in Des Moines!!! IT WAS GREAT!

16. Favorite LGBTQ+ celebrity?

I don't really follow celebrities, but probably Ian McEllen and Tim Gunn.

17. Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

I was in a relationship for a while with a friend of mine and it was wonderful tbh. We met in a server and started talkng more, and started out as qpps then became partners and like we broke up, but I still enjoyed the experience and wouldn't go back in time and stop it from happening. My other qpp tho. That's something I would do lmao.

I also have a bf but that's a secret~

18. Favorite LGBTQ+ book.

I haven't read a lot of books, so I guess I have to say The Raven Cycle bc that's the only one I remember reading.

19. Have you ever faced discrimination?

Mmmm the only time I have experienced direct discrimination I was giving a friend valentines chocolate in high school and some kid called me a d*ke when i walked past him.

The other stuff is like. My therapist telling me to check for a hormone imbalance when I said I was asexual.

20. Favorite LGBTQ+ movie/show?

She-ra, "To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything", The Runaways (the movie not the show), No. 6.

21. Favorite LGBTQ+ bloggers?

I don't have any lmao.

22. Which slur do you want to reclaim?

Queer, bc it's already been reclaimed and it fits me.

23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar or drag show? How was it?

Nope. Never, but it'd be fun!!

24. How do you idrntify your gender?

Already answered this lol.

25. Interested in having kids?

Nope. I'd be too scared of screwing them up.

26. What identity service would you give your younger self?

I wish I'd known there was an ace community before I was older tbh. So that, probably.

27. What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I personally like playing a feminine role, but I also think gender roles are unecessary, so like. As long as I'm an equal I don't care what role I play lmao. If you wanna treat me like the handmaiden, as long as you're not doing it bc you see me as a woman I don't care.

28. Anything else you wanna share about your gender?

Nah. Just. I don't bother trying to pin it down anymore bc the more I analyze it the less I understand it.

29. Something you wish ppl knew about being LGBTQ+?

Hmmmm not really. It's fun outside of the systemic oppression?

30. Why are you proud to be LGBTQ+?

For me it's less about pride in being LGBTQ+ and more being proud to express myself authentically. 🤷

[arodrwho]

bo y all these good omens posts that talk abt crowley & aziraphale being platonic being like, important to asexual ppl bc they’re asexual are driving me a tiny bit absolutely fucking batshit, bc i realize that the standard dictionary definition of “platonic” is “nonsexual,” but in the context of aspec things specifically the word “platonic” is generally used to mean “nonromantic”--which is where we get discussions of romantic vs platonic love, & where we get the word “queerplatonic” specifically --& the way these posts are worded these ace ppl seem to be using it to mean “nonromantic”--but they’re still saying it’s important to them bc they’re ace, specifically, rather than bc they’re aro, & it’s more of that goddamn conflating of aromantic & asexual as terms. and it is. annoying. and i’m saying this as an aroace person

in conclusion. can y’all stop.

also the ppl talking only abt how ace ppl are being attacked for interping crowley & aziraphale to be platonic--like if we’re going by how “platonic” as a word is generally used in aspec circles, surely a significant portion of the anger there is directed @ aro folks? like. there’s a difference between nonsexual romance, which by aspec definitions isn’t platonic, and a queerplatonic relationship, which is what i’ve seen more ppl yelling about as like, a concept?

ppl keep forgetting that qp relationships are primarily an aro thing, not an ace thing, & it’s obnoxious, & almost entirely bc of the conflating of the terms asmentioned above, & in conclusion of conclusion i am very very very tired of this. can everyone cease

[viva-la-vie-bohemily]

:(

[arodrwho]

boy i rly wish ppl would specify romantic orientations when talking abt ace hcs*, instead of just saying. ace

bc it is not. informative in the slightest

& also bc the reasons for why they’re doing that ultimately boil down to 3 options:

1) they’re assuming “aro” is intrinsically implied & thus either conflating aromanticism w/asexuality OR suggesting aro&ace is somehow the Default ace identity which should be automatically assumed when only 1 of those terms is given, making any other ace identities deviations from the Ace Norm

2) they’re assuming that some romantic orientation (which could be Any of them but typically “straight” jus due to the circumstances** in which this sort of thing comes up in most frequently) is intrinsically implied & thus either reinforcing amatonormativity AND POTENTIALLY ALSO (due to said circumstances) the heteronormative assumption that all aces are straight by default, OR both

3) they don’t make either of the assumptions in points 1 or 2, & for whatever reason specifically want to talk abt a character’s aceness & not any romantic inclinations or lack thereof; that is to say, (at best, in any scenario) they don’t think the character’s romantic orientation is relevant to that particular post, or (at worst, specifically in situations where aromanticism is implied), they view the ace part as inherently more important than the aro part & so simply see no need to mention the latter at all

in conclusion. i would like folks to stoppe

*specifically hcs, am not talking at all abt real folks who don’t use the sam

**i’m thinking in particular of cases where ppl say things like. “gosh i dunno i love the ace hc but i love the gay hc too i’m so torn,,,,” implying that a) being both simultaneously at the same time is impossible, & b) “ace” refers to non-gay ace, & “gay” refers to non-ace gay, which like. generally i feel the implication is that “ace” is a stand-in for “aroace,” as per point 1, but assuming that point 2 is hypothetically possible & “romo ace” is the assumed default, the sheer presentation of “ace” and “gay” as a dichotomy suggests “ace” as an opposite to “gay,” which in turn suggests. “straight ace”. i am sleep-deprived so my logic may not fully track, & i’m completely aware that bi & pan & other aces do exist & could fit w/in this. thingummy of romo ace assumptions. but i feel like that’d be more likely to be. actively stated if that makes sense? i feel like ppl are more likely to type out “bi ace” than just “ace” when talking hcs, & more likely to write “ace” than “straight ace”, jus bc. assumptions.... anyway. THAT. yes