#where people unearth the wrongs that have been going on for decades that got buried under fear and violence

[sforzesco]

hello! just wanted to say that i love your republikang romano remixed comics! it's the way the politics feel deeply haunted i think, and also the really nice flow of visuals and dialogue

thank you so much!!! real talk tho, politics ARE so haunted

[randomoranges]

sometimes fights happen. the last of the relationship arch and technically the first. would come before Jello and Relationship Status: conjoint you don’t need to have read the others.

Apology [Accepted]

20XX

They’re out and about, Étienne bringing him on his usual whirlwind visit of the city, not wanting him to miss out on anything going on during his time here. It’s been an overall pleasant day and they’ve taken a small break to enjoy a treat on one of the many terasses the city has to offer. They’re sitting close, Étienne having no real notion of what personal space is, and Edward finds he doesn’t mind. It’s nice and he likes that Étienne hasn’t put up his usual guard. His boyfriend has been regaling him with some bodacious tale, when he is interrupted, halfway through, when another person comes up to them.

 “Étienne?!” The person says, astounded and surprised to find him here.

 Étienne automatically puts some space between them, as if suddenly aware of where he is and Edward watches as his boyfriend’s eyes grow wide and a grin etches itself on his face, “Oh mon Dieu, Malik, allô! Ça fait longtemps!”

 There’s the usual exchange of kisses on cheeks and pats on the back, followed by catching up on the latest. Edward watches, from the corner of his eyes, as Étienne once more seems to know everyone he runs into and something starts stirring inside of him that he can’t quite name.

 “Aye, scuse, j’avais pas vu qu’t’étais avec quelqu’un.” Malik says and both of them turn towards him and Edward offers a polite smile and wave.

 “Oui, c’est mon ami, Édouard, yé-t-en visite pour encore une semaine!” Étienne beams and Edward – Edward stills, that one word ringing and repeating itself over and over and over again as an ugly, long forgotten voice returns to whisper fears in his mind, feeding off the feeling from before.

 He tries to ignore it, makes polite chit-chat with Malik until they leave, but the word festers and colours his mood. He remains quiet as Étienne picks up their previous conversation and his mood only sours as the rest of the afternoon progresses.

 He thought – he had dared to think that things were different now.

 He supposes he’d been very wrong.

 Étienne would never change. He isn’t sure why he’s surprised.

 Of course, despite everything Étienne had told him – the confessions and the promises and the affirmations – it had meant nothing. They were only words. Étienne didn’t really like him. They were only words to make him feel better. To dupe him into a lie. He was and is just Some Friend. Some idiot Étienne keeps around for when he’s bored. A simple ami. Not a boyfriend. Not even a vulgar chum.

 Un ami. A friend. Nothing fucking more.

 Étienne probably is ashamed of him. Humours him by having him over. Even now, after all these years. He doesn’t know why he thought otherwise – why he believed Étienne when he’d told him the contrary.

 How stupid of him. How utterly naïve.

 He deserves this, really. Deserves to be mocked when the signs had all been there, really. Everyone had told him that Étienne only played games. He’d been blind to them is all.

 Eventually, Étienne quiets down himself, realising that Edward’s enthusiasm has withered and the rest of the afternoon is a quiet sullen thing. They head back to Étienne’s place afterwards and Étienne lets him be for a moment, while he tends to Mercury and it’s only later, that he goes out of his way to find him and sits beside him.

 “Alright, are you going to tell me what’s eating you or are you going to be a miserable old sack for the rest of the evening?” Étienne sounds a little annoyed and Edward thinks it’s a good thing. He wants him to be annoyed. Wants him to stew and be miserable. Just like he feels now.

 “It’s fine. It’s nothing you should concern yourself with. I’m just a friend, after all. No one important.”

 Étienne gives him a look as though he’s been slapped in the face, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Hell, he even sounds insulted.

 Edward sighs, annoyed and frustrated because why would Étienne have the decency of understanding? “I don’t know, you tell me!”

 Étienne blinks, clearly confused, “What are you talking about?”

 “Can’t believe I have to spell it out for you, but then again, I suppose I also shouldn’t be surprised about this either. After all, you’re the one who dismissed me as your friend earlier, when your friend came to chat you up.”

 “You mean Malik? What the hell else was I supposed to call you? Was that too much?” Now, even Étienne sounds annoyed and it’s evident from the way his eyebrows are knit close together and the tightness of his mouth.

 “Your boyfriend! Or are you that ashamed of me?!” He finally near yells.

 Étienne looks at him, surprised. He remains quiet and simply looks. Edward is a little unnerved, but even more so when Étienne lets out a dark and bitter sounding laugh.

 “Oh this is fucking rich coming from you, Murphy.”

 “What’s that even supposed to mean?”

 “You’ve gotta be kidding me, clearly. How the fuck was I supposed to know I could call you that to others when you’ve spent decades avoiding anyone seeing us even walk down a street together in broad daylight!”

 There’s a small voice – very small and very annoying – at the back of his head that tells him Étienne has a point, however Edward ignores it and instead charges on, politeness be damned.

 “Well maybe if you had given me some inkling of a sign that you were into me I would have let you!”

 “Please, you were so far buried into your closet that even your precious Gretzky coming out and fucking you wouldn’t have been enough.”

 He’s aware they’re both going for where it hurts. That they’re using their own deep and buried hurt as a weapon and that they should stop. However, there is something raw that has been unearthed and there seems to be no going back at this point.

 “Of course it’s my fucking fault! You’re too perfect and self-centered to have any flaws.”

 “What does that have to do with the fact that I didn’t know you were okay with me telling people you’re my boyfriend? You never let me know! You’re still not comfortable with PDA! I was trying to be nice, for Christ’s sake!”

 “Yeah, well, it looked more like you were ashamed to be seen in public with me!”

 Étienne scoffs loudly and rolls his eyes at him, “Me? Ashamed of you? Please, it’s always felt like the other way around! I’ve been trying to reach out for you for decades. You’re the one who pushed back and would swat my hand away. And I figured, fine, you weren’t out, whatever. So I kept my hands to myself and didn’t say anything. And even now. I don’t know what you’re comfortable with, so excuse me for fucking wanting to give you space and not knowing what the fuck was actually going on in your head.” Étienne makes to get up and most likely get some air, but Edward isn’t done. He’s not letting Étienne walk away.

 “What the hell?! You can’t honestly believe I was ashamed of you! Why the fuck else would I keep coming back here to see you?”

 “Because I was convenient! An easy escape! You said so yourself! It was easy for you to come here and be whomever. I could have been literally anyone else and it wouldn’t have changed anything.”

 Edward wants to laugh at the absurdity of it all and nearly does. “Of course it was convenient,” He starts and cuts Étienne off before he can go on again, “You were-are my friend so it made it easier. But not because of the reasons you believe.”

 They both fall quiet and stare at each other, an impasse being more or less reached. Eventually, Étienne runs a hand over his face, after removing his glasses and cleans them off his shirt before putting them back on. He takes a deep breath and then sags a little against the couch.

 “So, are you telling me that we both got worked up over some giant misunderstanding and you actually don’t mind me telling people you’re my boyfriend now?” He sounds a little tired, as if this issues has been plaguing his mind for years and Edward feels, for the first time since this whole debacle has started, that they might finally be back on the same page.

 “Something like that... And yes, I don’t mind. I should have told you.” He says a little quieter, a little calmer.

 “And I should’ve asked.”

 They look at each other, hazel meeting green, and it’s a timid understanding that is reached. One formed over embarrassment and apology.

 “I think there are still things we need to discuss.” He doesn’t want this to happen again. For as much as he doesn’t mind clearing the air, he also doesn’t want to hurt Étienne.

 “You mean there are still issues we’re carrying around that could blow up at any time in some toxic way and threaten the foundation of what we have?” Étienne says, mock surprised as he brings a hand to his chest, feigning shock. Edward lets out a puff of air that forms into a little laugh.

 “Yeah, something like that.” He reaches over for Étienne’s hand and gives it a squeeze. “I was never ashamed of you. Honestly and I’m sorry if you thought that.”

 Étienne twines their fingers together and if his grip is a little tight, Edward doesn’t mention it.

 “I know. Logically, I know that. I guess, hearing you say that woke up some old fear inside of me... an old insecurity. We do need to discuss this. I’m sorry – for what I said and hurting your feelings. I’m not ashamed of you. I’ve never been ashamed of you either.” Étienne tentatively scoots closer and Edward carefully places an arm around him, letting Étienne put his head down on his shoulder. He notices a bit of tension ebb away from Étienne’s face and finally, he feels that this too will come to be solved with time.

 FIN

[zrtranscripts]

Season 9, Mission 14: Fort Knox

Tour group

~

JANINE DE LUCA: All right Runner Five, Mr. Yao. There is only audio surveillance in this room and I have muffled the microphones. We can talk freely.

SAM YAO: I really don't like this, Janine. I mean, okay, they did let us into Van Ark's mystery base, but then they stuck us in this tiny room, insisted we take medical exams. Peter and Maryam still aren't back from the med bay. I can't believe we let them just inject us with tracking devices.

JANINE DE LUCA: We had no choice, Mr. Yao. It was take the subcutaneous trackers or leave Red Scorpion Base. General Bakari claimed he would meet us on arrival, but so far we have only been escorted by soldiers. The security here is intense. Barbed wire fencing, perimeter guard towers, patrols in unmarked uniforms. If our operation goes wrong, escape will not be... [door creaks open] Someone's approaching. [loudly] Which is why they'd better pay well for this job! Don't you agree, Sven?

SAM YAO: Uh... yeah. Yes. Mercenaries, us. Money, ooh, we want it.

GENERAL BAKARI: You can relax. I've relieved the guards in this section, shut down the cameras.

JANINE DE LUCA: General Bakari, there are others in our team -

GENERAL BAKARI: - still in the medical bay. We can't wait. The trackers you've received are a new security provision powered by bioelectric energy. They didn't tell you this, but it takes about 40 minutes for a tracker to stabilize in its new host. We've got that long before your every movement is monitored. That's just enough time. [drops bag on the floor] There are maintenance uniforms in the duffel bag. Put them on.

JANINE DE LUCA: General -

GENERAL BAKARI: I trust you weren't counting on a sentimental reunion, De Luca? There's a mission at hand. Red Scorpion Base has a secret you're going to help me liberate. All of you, out into the corridor. No time to dawdle.

~

SAM YAO: This place is just a maze of metal hallways, isn't it? Shh. Hey, do you guys hear that?

[distant metallic footsteps]

GENERAL BAKARI: A patrol coming from the intersection ahead. Duck into that store room, quick. [cloth rustles, footsteps pass] They've passed. Those maintenance uniforms will help at a distance, but the patrols here know all the authorized faces. Come on, this way. Speaking of faces, it's Runner Five, isn't it? You gave me this gammy leg. My own stupid mistake, I admit, chasing you on that motorcycle.

JANINE DE LUCA: Perhaps if you had not sided with Prime Minister Hakkinen, General, you might have avoided injury.

GENERAL BAKARI: Is that reproach I hear, De Luca? You were always so quick to judge. Sigrid was a monster, but with impressive ambition. It seemed folly to oppose her, so i toed the party line loudly when she was listening. Soldiers served their country, after all. I hear there's a thief in charge these days. Not sure your vote turned out much more righteous than mine.

SAM YAO: Hey!

JANINE DE LUCA: Don't let him needle you, Mr. Yao. The base, General. It is in excellent condition, especially given we have seen evidence it predates Z-Day.

GENERAL BAKARI: Very good, De Luca. Yes, Red Scorpion Base has been here for many years. Once we get to the next intersection, you'll see where it came from. Where's Tom, Janine? I was sure he'd be with your team.

JANINE DE LUCA: Tom... Tom was killed in action some time ago.

GENERAL BAKARI: Unfortunate. He had a weak heart, that boy. I saw it every day I sheltered you two after your parents passed. Thought I taught you to watch out for each other!

I'm not authorized for this part of the base. I've stolen passes, but if we're caught here, we will be shot. Do you see the turrets bracketing the door ahead? Machine gun emplacements, automated. Look at the symbol on the turret mountings below each gun barrel.

SAM YAO: Those are stars and stripes. Flags, American flags.

[door rattles open]

GENERAL BAKARI: And past the door, a flag painted on the wall. They're not allowed to fly one outside. Red Scorpion Base was established by the American military 20 years before Z-Day. Black ops research, top secret, and they're still very much running it today. Quickly, all of you, there are a lot more patrols in the next section. Follow the corridor branch left, on the double.

~

SAM YAO: Look, Five, by the water cooler. That's the portrait of the last US president. God, this is crazy. There's still a US military and they're hanging around a base in Tunisia!

JANINE DE LUCA: A base somehow connected to Ernest Van Ark and V-type fungus.

GENERAL BAKARI: You already know about the local fungus, eh? The US military heard rumors of it decades before Z-Day, whispers unearthed by archaeologists in North Africa. They thought it had martial potential, set up a base here to dig for it. They hit on caves of the stuff underground. There's an archive room on our way. I'll show you what they found.

SAM YAO: Wow! Janine, look! Down the corridor to the right, that looks like the war room from, well, every movie with a war room ever. Ah, there must be a hundred screens in there.

JANINE DE LUCA: All cycling through images of landmarks. The Brandenburg Gate, Times Square full of zombies, a toppled Eiffel Tower. General, are these images current? What reach does this army have?

GENERAL BAKARI: Honestly, the US isn't what it was, but the man in charge of Red Scorpion Base likes to keep eyes everywhere. [drones whir] Come on, there are surveillance drones in these corridors. I hear some coming. Forward.

SAM YAO: [whispers] Likes to keep his eyes everywhere? Yeah, yeah, that sounds like Van Ark, doesn't it, Five? If the Americans are running Red Scorpion Base, is he backed by their army? The others are getting ahead. We'd best speed up.

~

[door rattles open]

GENERAL BAKARI: We're in the main research annex deep underground. This is an archive room, oldest on Red Scorpion Base. If you want to know about the fungus, this is the place.

SAM YAO: But it's just a room full of dusty filing cabinets. Oh, and Polaroid pictures of scientists stuck up on the wall. Scientists in a cavern full of black ash.

GENERAL BAKARI: Certain branches under the Department of Defense saw huge promise in the fungus. They dreamed of perfecting a symbiosis to make humans faster, better, stronger. The early experiments went poorly. People died. The decision was made to destroy the fungus after it nearly escaped containment, every trace burned away.

JANINE DE LUCA: General, the glass tank in that corner, the blackened lump inside...

GENERAL BAKARI: A relic. This room is a memorial. The old research data is all locked away. The lump is a museum piece, scorched rock from a once red cave, long dead now.

JANINE DE LUCA: Then... the fungus is not why you summoned us?

GENERAL BAKARI: Not at all, De Luca, though not a bad guess. What I have for you is much more important. Come along through the far door. Incidentally, you see the old photo on the left, the one showing a team in bulky armor scouring rocks with flamethrowers? They still call Red Scorpion’s emergency response the fire team. These days, they wear powered exoskeletons, flamethrowers integrated. They're what comes for us if we make a mistake. We're short on time. Go.

~

SAM YAO: Loads of fancy computers in here, Five. Must be in a sciency bit.

GENERAL BAKARI: Ancillary data storage. From here, we can access files from the Red Scorpion's latter day experiments. Listen carefully, De Luca. The base contracted your team on my recommendation. Since Z-Day, Red Scorpion's been short-handed. They sometimes recruit outside personnel. Three months ago, one of my aides went MIA. Any deserter is viewed as an unacceptable security risk.

SAM YAO: Did you kill him?

GENERAL BAKARI: Fellow took a bad fall. I disposed of the body, arranged evidence of his flight to the mountains, suggested we needed help to locate him. Obviously, no one's ever going to find him outside, and our security head is getting desperate. Once she briefs you, she'll send you into the mountains to hunt down the deserter. There, you'll divert to designated coordinates. You'll find buried parts of a vehicle I've had hidden. Assemble it and escape.

JANINE DE LUCA: You are not coming with us, General?

GENERAL BAKARI: I'm rarely allowed off the base, and I don't intend to return to the UK to stand trial. I know you're thinking it, De Luca.

JANINE DE LUCA: You betrayed your nation. It would be my duty.

GENERAL BAKARI: And you always loved duty. As a child, you used to turn your night light out on principle. [computer beeps] Give me a minute with the computer. I'll get what you're here for.

SAM YAO: Um, which is what, exactly?

GENERAL BAKARI: Research from Red Scorpion Base, something that can change the future. The file I'm giving you is encrypted, I can't open it. Did you bring a computer expert?

SAM YAO: Sort of. We, um, lost our equipment, though.

GENERAL BAKARI: The file is too big to transmit without powerful equipment. If you were able to decrypt it, you might have been able to send key details out. As it is, you'll need to get this thumb drive to the UK intact. If anyone suspects you're smuggling data off the base, you're dead, understand?

JANINE DE LUCA: General, if we leave you here -

GENERAL BAKARI: I'll be fine, so long as the operation succeeds. Humanity, kin, and hope, De Luca. That's what this is for. Do not let me down. The head of security just pinged me. The rest of your team is done in the medical center. She wants to brief you all, stat. We need to get back. There's one more thing I need to give you. Through the door on the right. The doctors should be on their break. This way, run!

~

JANINE DE LUCA: General, is this a hospital ward?

GENERAL BAKARI: It's an emergency care area. Ah, here it is. Five, give me your arm. My research indicates you'll be the best subject for this.

SAM YAO: Wait, what-what are you doing? You can't just inject strange substances into people!

GENERAL BAKARI: The bio data in the injection is a crucial component of the information in the files. The only way to transport it is inside a living host.

JANINE DE LUCA: It's long past time you explained exactly what this information is, General.

GENERAL BAKARI: It's a cure, Janine.

SAM YAO: For what?

GENERAL BAKARI: For everything. Every ailment that plagues humanity, every virus, every infection. A panacea.

JANINE DE LUCA: That's impossible.

GENERAL BAKARI: No. It may take years, even generations to formulate a usable vaccine, but the germ of it is here. The zombie plague has brought such pain to humanity. I accept I played my part in it. But this data, the antibodies in Five's blood, and the files on that drive, they may be the one worthwhile thing to come out of all that death.

JANINE DE LUCA: Then I leave the decision to you, Five. Very well. Proceed, General.

SAM YAO: I'm just gonna, um, not be here watching that. Injections always make me feel queasy.

GENERAL BAKARI: Your trust will be repaid, Janine, I promise you.

JANINE DE LUCA: I hope so.

SAM YAO: Oh my God. Janine, Five, over here! There's a door with a little porthole. On the other side, it's-it's Van Ark! He's unconscious, hooked up to, well, it's like a giant dialysis machine. Looks like it's draining him.

GENERAL BAKARI: I was saving him until last. Good bait to get you here, but if I explained too soon, you'd only get distracted.

JANINE DE LUCA: Is Van Ark running the research department? What are the Americans giving him through those tubes?

GENERAL BAKARI: Van Ark running the place? [laughs] Not at all. The fellow at the top, no one ever sees. Nasty piece of work by all accounts. But Van Ark here, he isn't in charge of anything. Van Ark is one of the experiments.

~

[crimes-and-gelato]

Title: Six Candles Pairing: James “Bucky” Barnes/Tony Stark Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warning: Major Character Death ** ** A/N: The title is from FM Static’s SIX CANDLES. That Netflix joke isn’t mine. This is all angst, with a bit of sweet, but no happy ending. ** **

“The hardest thing to do when you go back underwater, is talk about what the sky was like.” - Iain Thomas

** ** **

His mother used to tell him that anything is possible for him, despite the poverty and the on-going war. And Bucky believed it, even when he lost most of his memories, he can’t forget that simple word of wisdom. But years later — many, many years later — with HYDRA in-between, and waking up into the 21st century, he realised that his mother forgot to caution him about time, how he doesn’t have forever to do everything he wishes.

And as he stares into the facility’s garden, with the white daffodils and calla lilies blooming to signal spring, he regrets not learning of the latter adage. There’s nothing he can do about it anymore, except mourn, and wait for the day that he no longer won’t. Not that he thinks such a day will come for him to stop hurting, but they did say he will. They wouldn’t tell him when because it’s different for other people, which means he would never heal.

If he’s really honest, he wishes never to if it means forgetting; he’s done it a whole lot at the hands of HYDRA and he doesn’t recommend it.

He’d rather hurt and remember, than forget and heal. A heart that hurts is a heart that’s been loved, right? And he was loved, same as he love back in return. He even got more than he deserved.

** ** **

6 years ago…

Everything about this new century takes him aback, but nothing like how one Tony Stark spins his head dizzy with pop culture references on every conversations, the silly nicknames, the personality that could fill a room, the snark and fast wit, the wicked sense of humour, the thousand-word-per-minute, the craziest ideas, that ass and that genius brain, and so many more he can’t even list because it’s Tony. The man seems to bring something new and surprising every time Bucky sees him. The resident engineer is just as fascinating as the man is attractive.

Three months into his slow recovery and Bucky starts to harbour a crush for the man. Two weeks after that insane revelation, he finds himself falling for Tony as the genius hums him a lullaby that two a.m. they found themselves in the common room couch: him plague by nightmares, and Tony coming up from one of his work binges.

They talked for a while and next thing you know, he’s got a soft, sleepy Tony who’s using his metal arm as an impromptu teddy bear, mumbling about his latest designs for Peter’s web shooters. He doesn’t remember how they went from that topic to Tony humming a lullaby for him because according to the man Bucky needs more sleep, as if he’s the one to say, the hypocrite.

And he should have woken Tony up and told him to sleep on his own bed. But Bucky’s selfish enough to want this quiet and rare moments with this selfless man, who’s never shown him anything but kindness.

Right after that, they have their usual routine of two a.m. rendezvous talking about random stuff, what they did that day, what their plans for the next day. Or if words are hard to mutter on the worst of nights, they watch a movie or Tony watches Bucky bakes in the kitchen because that’s currently his hobby. The planned steps and concise measuring of ingredients calms him. He feels like he’s in control, and at the same time he can tell where his limits are. It’s comforting.

But the best part of all the nights despite his constant nightmares is that he’s always around Tony; and to his own disbelief, the genius hasn’t been tired of him yet. For sure the billionaire has got better things to do than spend important time with a recovering POW.

And if he only bakes Tony’s favourites or whatever strikes the engineer’s fancy, no one had mind so far.

** ** **

5 years ago…

‘So… Tony, huh?’ Steve’s superstitiously glancing at him over the morning paper. There’s so much left unsaid in that one sentence alone.

‘Shouldn’t you be happy for me?’ Bucky doesn’t want to deny what he’s sure Steve knows already. He’s been pretty obvious that he likes Tony, the whole team knows about it, even Fury.

Him and Tony have not been subtle with their flirting, though it hasn’t escalated into more. He’s actually terrified to dig deeper into their relationship because he might have read it all wrong, and the engineer sees him only as a friend, whom he casually winks at and cuddles with and share lingering touches with, and so much more things that Bucky’s quite sure friends don’t do to each other except when there’s something more than platonic feelings involve.

Steve puts down his paper prop, different kinds of emotions playing across his face. The shock was a surprise though since Bucky thought that the reason why his best friend hasn’t spoken about this thing between him and Tony is because Steve was okay with it.

‘Oh, Buck,’ the blond says softly, as if he’s scared a level louder would break Bucky.

** ** **

4 years ago…

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ he demands, voice loud but cracking. There’s a lot of things inside his chest that he cannot name, that makes his whole body shake as if any minute now he’s going to explode. He’s not sure if it’s the serum that’s allowing him to stand on his two feet when he feels like sinking on the floor from the gravity of the grief that pulls him down.

Tony doesn’t look different from him, all tense and trembling, only that his grief isn’t crippling; his looks like stubborn acceptance, which is worse because Bucky wants him to fight. He can’t bare the genius giving up, it means that Tony’s explored every angle, tried everything, and lost.

It means there’s not even a shade of hope left. And that empties him of everything, leaving only a numbing pain makes him want to lash out just to feel something else other than the ache that’s making a home inside his bones.

‘You were never going to tell me, were you?’ The accusation carries truth when he sees the engineer wince. And that hurts as well because how many times were he always the one in the dark? Always unaware of the bigger picture.

Seven decades being HYDRA’s mindless murder-puppet still haunts him, so he tries very hard not to be the oblivious by-stander. But here he is again: not knowing, and not being able to do anything as the man he loves marches to his own demise.

‘I’m sorry, James.’ There’s that resignation again that’s too painful to hear. ‘I was selfish…’ Tony closes the physical space between them, staying only a foot away but sounding long gone. ‘I didn’t know it would come to this.’

How many have known of Tony’s situation? Steve for sure, that’s why his best friend have discouraged him. Everyone in the team knows, he guesses. Except him.

Bucky clutches to the genius’ arm with his flesh one, desperately convincing himself that Tony’s still there — alive and breathing — otherwise, he’ll break on the floor, and he doesn’t know if he can manage to salvage himself if that happens. He was able to piece himself back before, after HYDRA took away his humanity and almost everything that he is. But he did that with the help of his friends, and mostly Tony. Now, he’s not so sure he can do it again. Not without his guiding light that overflows with kindness that glued Bucky once more into a person.

His cheeks start to wet again, and he tightens his grip on the engineer, afraid he might disappear. ‘It’s, It’s, It’s n-not real… You c-can’t… I-I-I—’

‘You’re going to be okay.’ Tony’s free hand squeezes Bucky’s flesh one. ‘You just need to let go.’

That only tightens his hold on the other man. Bucky’s tired of letting go, he’s done nothing but let go: of his past, of his hurt, of his guilt. Not this time. He can’t. He can’t, because if he does, he’s going to drown completely.

** ** **

3 years ago…

Day by day the light in those brown eyes slowly dims. Everyone pretends not to see, instead the rest of them tries to save what they can of that fading brightness, while silently praying for a miracle.

Bucky on the other hand, being the weak man that he is stays away because Tony told him so. Maybe if he’s selfish enough, he would cling to the man while there’s still time. But he wants to respect the engineer’s wishes even if it hurts.

He misses their banter and talks. It’s like Tony’s not dead yet but he’s gone from Bucky’s life already. And no one has told him how painful it is to mourn for someone who’s still alive.

But like everyone else, he’s only human and will have a breaking point. That happened during a mission when a building fell down on Tony as he tries to save civilians trapped inside the infrastructure.

Thanks to the Iron Man armour Tony survived a crushed that would have killed a normal man. And Bucky can still pinpoint the second that his heart stopped beating when he saw the debris burying the love of his life alive.

‘Hey, snowflake,’ Tony greets once he’s able to regain consciousness after being unearthed from the ruins. ‘Did you kiss me back to life?’ There’s a pained smile on his lips that gives away the magnitude of his injuries, and almost near-death experience.

The EMTs on their way. Tony doesn’t look too bad, maybe a concussion, or a broken rib or two. But alive. Breathing.

Anger, relief, and worry mixes in his chest as he feels the tears soak his cheeks again. He’s probably going to murder this idiot, self-sacrificing superhero for always making him cry, which definitely hurts his reputation. He’s the Winter Soldier for crying out loud, a cold-hearted assassin whose kill counts is ninety-nine percent successful.

‘I can’t do this anymore, doll,’ he tells the genius, trying not to break apart because Tony’s still alive. Breathing.

‘Uhmm… maybe it’s the concussion, honey, but I’m confuse.’ Despite almost dying, Tony’s got a time to look bewildered. ‘You didn’t want to save me?’

Bucky shakes his head. ‘Not that, idiot.’

Tony scowls at him, offended.

‘I can’t stay away, anymore,’ he explains, metal hand carefully cupping Tony’s cheek. ‘I love you… and I can’t stay away. Not again… Never again.’

A flash of pain as the scowl deepens. ‘That’s not good for you.’

‘You don’t know that,’ he defends. ‘I’ve made up my mind,’ thumb brushing softly on warm skin, because Tony’s alive, ‘I love you… just as how planet Earth is blue.’ He leans his forehead on Tony’s. ‘And there’s nothing I can do.’

** ** **

2 years ago…

‘Hi, kid,’ Tony greets Peter on the phone.

‘Oh… Mi-Mister Stark… H-hi, Mr. Stark.’ Bucky can hear the fifteen year old stammers, thanks to the serum.

Tony smiles fondly. ‘I’ve got you Netflix like you asked.’

‘Thanks, Mr. Stark.’ The soldier can hear the smile over the phone. ‘Now, I don’t have to share Ned’s account, ‘cos I’ll have my own.’

‘Account?’

Oh, no. Bucky saw this coming.

‘Yeah. The Netflix account that you got me,’ Peter explains.

Tony turns to him, eyes wide. And Bucky can’t help the chuckle that escapes him.

The long pause caught Peter’s attention. ‘What kind of Netflix did you exactly get me, Mr. Stark?’

He can see Tony swallowing, comically.

‘I’ll call you back again tomorrow, Pete.’ He immediately turns off the call, cutting the boy off.

Bucky lets go of a laugh as soon as the call was over. He warned Tony about this, but the genius claimed that he knows Peter more, and what the teen needs.

‘Stop laughing,’ the engineer whines. ‘We need to do something before Pepper finds out. She’s going to have my head on a silver platter.’

‘You always take it ten-folds above standards, doll,’ Bucky says.

‘Well, excuse me for caring too much.’ The other brunet pouts, crosses his arms over his chest, leaning away from Bucky on the couch, where they’ve situated.

‘And it’s one of your best qualities, kotenok,’ he amends, pulling the man into him so they can cuddle again. He places a kiss on top of short, curly hair to placate the man some more. ‘You’ve got a big heart.’

He feels Tony breathes him in, the exhale warming Bucky’s expose neck.

‘I wanted Peter taken care of,’ Tony explains, the ‘before I’m gone’ left unsaid.

He can’t help but pull Tony closer because that topic will always trigger his instinct to protect the man. Maybe if he holds the genius a little tighter the curse won’t take the brunet away. It’s also a coping mechanism for him to feel Tony’s warmth and remind himself that he’s still alive. Safe and alive. Breathing.

There’s a lot of weird shit that happened to him, and after meeting aliens he was sure he’s going to be ready for anything. But not this supernatural curse. The one that the Stark family had passed down for generations . Some long ago ancestor was cursed by a witch, Tony explains, to make them Starks humble and do more good with their lives now that it’s going to be short. It’s a killer disease, the engineer adds. No cure, but the burden will end with him.

Bucky closes his eyes, prays for another miracle, and hoping that this is all nothing but a bad dream. That there’s no curse, there’s no deadline, that they can both live happily ever after.

He likes to believe they have years ahead of them. So many years where they can be together and learn about each other more than they do now, and learn all about the changes they will encounter as they grow old.

His eyes got a little misty thinking how he wants to grow old with Tony, in a house with white picket fence, cliche as it may sound.

‘Marry me,’ he murmurs on Tony’s hair.

‘What?’ The man stiffens. He slowly looks up at Bucky, eyes doubtful and searching.

‘Do you want to?’ he asks, self-conscious all of the sudden because he didn’t expect to propose. But he doesn’t regret it either. His only regret is that he didn’t do it in a more romantic way like getting down in one knee, surrounded by rose petals and fifty candles. Tony deserves something like that. ‘Because I want to marry you… And I know it would sound old school, but I would like to call you husband and sign all those legal documents that proves you are mine to love and cherish and take care. I want to celebrate us with our friends and families. I want an anniversary, a special date that we choose where I can have perfect excuse to spoil you rotten.

‘And maybe for you to take my last name, or I can take your last name,’ he continues. ‘I don’t care which one, as long as we are intertwined together in all the ways that matter. And a wedding band on the fourth finger as we say that cliche vow of loving each other forever, because we will… and I want that.’

‘Okay,’ Tony answers, voice a little wet and eyes watering as well.

It catapults Bucky’s heart to the moon with happiness because the man he loves said yes. And maybe his vision starts to cloud as well as he leans down to kiss Tony softly, then fiercely because he’s so happy he can’t contain it. So, he pours it all in the kiss, which Tony replies back just as enthusiastic.

** ** **

1 year ago…

‘Hey, honey.’ A clear of throat.

‘Hi, doll,’ he greets back cheerfully, whisking the egg yolk and sugar. He’s making blueberry cheesecake — Tony’s favourite — for their late first year anniversary celebration because his husband and Steve went to Siberia for recon. ‘I miss you.’

‘I’ll be home soon.’ An ugly cough.

‘Are you okay, doll? You don’t sound so good.’ He stops whisking, worry creeping under his skin. Something is wrong, he doesn’t know what but he can feel it.

‘I’m fine,’ Tony assures, a bit breathless. ‘Just a bit cold.’ A pained inhale, then a series of wet coughs.

‘Tony?’ Panic sips into his voice, cradling the phone a little too tight. It’s a good thing this custom made Starkphone don’t easily break against super soldier strength. ‘Tony?’

‘Still here, babe,’ he says through gritted teeth. ‘The cold here’s a killer.’ His laugh is a little shaky. Another coughing fit. ‘Hey, James? Don’t miss me too much, okay?’

A pained whimper escapes his lips, followed by an ugly sob as his legs give out under him. He closes his eyes as the tears continue to flow freely. He wishes that his intuition is wrong, because this can’t be it.

‘I gotta go for now,’ Tony whispers. ‘I love you.’

Bucky feels cold all over, and he had always hated the cold.

** ** **

1 year later…

‘Peter says hello, by the way,’ he tells Rhodey. ‘Sometimes Steve still acts like it was his fault even when I tell him it isn’t.’

‘Him and Tony are two peas in a pod,’ the man replies. ‘Both stubborn and so easy to self-blame.’ He smiles fondly but it doesn’t reach his eyes. ‘And you? How are you holding up?’

Bucky shrugs, and avoids Rhodey’s probing eyes. These days he’s been pretending really hard that he’s okay. Sometimes he succeeds for awhile, then the half empty bed at night slams him back to reality. So now, he sleeps on the couch.

‘I wasn’t ready,’ he confesses. ‘We all weren’t, I guess.’

The man nods. ‘We all thought it was going to be that curse of a disease, he talks about.’ He laughs again, but without humour and it sounds a little wet as well. ‘But in a true Tony fashion he changed his fate.’

They don’t point out that the ending is the same, even when the means was different than what was originally planned. The witch might have given a time limit, but the Starks were not safe even before their time was up.

Unconsciously, he reaches for the wedding band danging on his neck. It’s cold as always, a total opposite of how warm Tony was both physically and metaphorically. But it’s there, evidence of a life Bucky had for awhile. An amazing once upon a time, with a tragic ending.

FIN. AO3

[almostarchaeology]

Hogwarts Needs Archaeologists, Part 2: Excavating Magic

By Adrián Maldonado

In the last blog post, I realized that despite being suffused with ancient artefacts, the wizarding world of Harry Potter didn’t seem to have any archaeologists. Instead, wizards and witches live in a weirdly eternal present with little sense of how things have come to be as they are, and this ultimately caused them no end of trouble. So much of the story hinges on prominent characters not knowing about artefacts and landscapes of medieval origin that it seemed clear that the establishment of a Wizarding Museum or department of Magical Material Culture Studies at Hogwarts may have genuinely saved them from war.

Harry Potter Studio Tour: closest we’ll get to a wizarding museum (source)

Even though wizards can’t be arsed learning about their own past, it behooves us muggle archaeologists to interrogate this invisible but fundamental aspect of our shared human past. As the books make clear, muggles and wizards are all just human. The separation between the two has its roots in the same intellectual fallacy of early modern thought which gave muggles the concept of race – that human ability could be measured in purity of ‘blood’. Beyond a focus on antiquities, attention to the archaeological context of the wizarding world is essential to the project of interrogating the human condition, and will produce new insights on the muggle past and present. To learn more, we will have to conduct some fieldwork of our own.

When is magic?

Before we start planning the Godric’s Hollow Big Dig, we need to know how archaeology might work in the wizarding world. Looking back at these stories with nerd-tinted spectacles, it seems to me that magic changes over time, and the ways it is deployed may tell us something about the human journey, magically-abled or otherwise.

No - obviously no we don’t

We know there are one or two people who care about history and magical theory, because in Philosopher’s Stone we get a list of textbooks assigned to first-years at Hogwarts which includes A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot and Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling. However, we get precious few glimpses into these texts as Harry does not seem to read. We also know these are used in some of the most boring and tedious courses taught at Hogwarts, ensuring few wizards would want to go on to study them further. Occupy the curriculum!

As we explored in the previous post, it seems that history in the wizarding world seems to begin only around a thousand years ago, when Hogwarts was founded. Much of what passes for history is the merely the genealogy of famous houses. It is curiously similar to Europe in the early nineteenth century, when there was an awareness of classical antiquity, but no such concept as prehistory. Perhaps it is a world that somehow has not yet discovered archaeology?

Archaeology > time travel (source)

Perhaps, one might argue, there is no need for wizarding archaeologists because wizards have time-turners which allow time travel. However, it so happens that time travel beyond a few hours in the past is extremely dangerous and heavily regulated, and in any case all of the remaining time-turners in the Department of Mysteries were destroyed in the Second Wizarding War.

That notwithstanding, one might also argue that wizards don’t need archaeology because anyone could stand in a field and cast spells like Accio coin hoard, or Revelio Roman villa and be done with it. But as with metal detecting, simply ripping an object out the ground does not help you understand why it got there, and if done poorly it may even impede the possibility of reconstructing its context later. Similarly, chasing the walls of a Roman villa would destroy the evidence of just how it was reduced to its foundations and what happened in this spot for the next two millennia. This would not be archaeology, but antiquarianism. And we don’t even seem to have that.

That said, it would be great to magically de-turf, sieve and cart away spoil. We could sure use the help backfilling, too.

But what about excavating magical sites? Can magic be excavated? Do we even know when magic began? Could archaeologists help find out?

Awareness of enchantments

Dunno Harry - it’s either paleolithic or a horcrux (source)

A lot of our knowledge of how magic works in the Potterverse comes from the fleeting glimpses we get of masters like Dumbledore at work. In the iconic 26th chapter of Half-Blood Prince, The Cave, we watch the headmaster undertake some hardcore field survey.

“Magic always leaves traces��, he explains as he detects the curses and spells that Tom Riddle placed to secure the hiding place of one of his horcruxes.

Harry could not tell whether the shivers he was experiencing were due to his spine-deep coldness or to the same awareness of enchantments. Dumbledore approached the wall of the cave and caressed it with his blackened fingertips, murmuring words in a strange tongue that Harry did not understand. Twice Dumbledore walked right around the cave, touching as much of the rough rock as he could, occasionally pausing, running his fingers backwards and forwards over a particular spot…

Dark magic, at least, seems to be detectable, at least to those, like Dumbledore and Harry, lucky enough to have been born in Godric’s Hollow, where all of British wizarding history starts and ends. Throughout the books, we hear occasional stories of places or objects having ‘old magic’, which also gives off some sort of distinctive trace. Indeed, there seems to be nothing worse than old Dark magic, which leaves more than just a trace. This is most aptly described in the Pottermore essay on Azkaban, which was only discovered after its occupier, the dark sorcerer Ekrizdis, died and its concealment charms faded away. “Experts who had studied buildings built with and around Dark magic contended that Azkaban might wreak its own revenge upon anybody attempting to destroy it.” Wait, there are experts in magical architectural history but not archaeology? That figures, actually – in its origins, medieval archaeology was itself mainly about unearthing the ground plans of castles and cathedrals.

As many of our archaeological textbooks tell us, excavation is managed destruction. So would it ever be possible to excavate a site of old Dark magic, or would this count as an attempt to ‘destroy’ it? And how would one know until one tried to dig there? Speaking as a former archaeology health and safety officer, I can’t help but think of the threat old Dark magic might pose to any novice archaeowizard who works on such sites. Real-world archaeologists need to make sure they are up to date on all their vaccinations, but I’m not sure what can be done to prevent accidental cursing by taking a mattock to the wrong enchanted soil layer.

Revelio stratigraphy

Dumbledore’s methodology and Harry’s ‘awareness of enchantments’ lead me to believe that such threats can be averted, or at least mitigated, by undertaking preventative magophysical survey. The question is whether the traces of spells that Dumbledore and Harry can sense have a physical signature that can be isolated and detected mechanically – or perhaps, by wand. Wandmaker Ollivander’s notes on wand woods shows that some woods may be more receptive to the natural world than others; for instance, “Hazel wands also have the unique ability to detect water underground, and will emit silvery, tear-shaped puffs of smoke if passing over concealed springs and wells.” In this instance at least, it seems that wands can have involuntary, mechanical responses to certain external stimuli. Other woods and wand cores are also said to have the ability to learn and detect magical character. In short, this is an area that needs a lot more research, but would still be restricted to the wizarding population, which, as we have already seen, could barely give a toss about their own heritage.

People and things in the Potterverse

Old magic can be the most powerful (source)

Speaking of wands, these ‘objects’ open up some pretty fundamental questions about the nature of things and people in the Potterverse. This was all explored in some depth in my scriptural commentary of choice, Binge Mode Harry Potter episode 55, wherein Jason Concepcion devoted a Restricted Section to wands. From the beginning of the series, we are told that wands are semi-animate objects with agency of their own. Wands famously ‘choose’ their owners, but it does not end there; in his notes on wand woods, Ollivander observes that hazel wands die with their owners, and that 

Hornbeam wands likewise absorb their owner’s code of honour, whatever that might be, and will refuse to perform acts – whether for good or ill – that do not tally with their master’s principles. A particularly fine-tuned and sentient wand.” [Emphasis mine] 

Most interestingly, wands seem to become a part of their owner’s essence; as wandmaker Ollivander explains, “each wand is the composite of its wood, its core and the experience and nature of its owner”. What he is describing here is a rudimentary sort of assemblage theory.

Assembling the wizard (source)

It seems wands are only ‘objects’ until they choose an owner, at which point they become part-person. And as we saw in a previous post, wands and pensieves are often buried with their owners, as if they are indivisibly entwined with the wizard, even after death. In a similar but more sinister way, Voldemort is able to ensoul objects, and these Horcruxes take on shades of his person which enact his will on anyone who encounters them. The wizarding world is full of objects that are part-people, or is it people that are part object?

This should come as no surprise to anthropologists. For decades theorists have explored all the different ways in which we are entangled with the people, things, environments and social structures in which we are embedded. We look to other continents and distant pasts to seek parallels when they are all around us. For instance, ancient Egyptians had a complicated idea of what constituted the person, from the physical body to several aspects of what we patronisingly call ‘the soul’, mainly because we cannot translate its complexity into any other Judeo-Christian terminology. These include the name, the heart and the shadow, and it is striking how many of these aspects of the person could be made to reside into what we would call inanimate objects.

The Enlightenment notion of the individual with unlimited agency, existing only within the bounds of their own bodies and minds, is very much out of fashion, as I have accidentally already explored in previous posts on this blog. We have trouble dissociating people from their belongings after they die, as if they remain uncannily inhabited. We send our names to space by the thousands, because it matters that this aspect of our selves is preserved in some way. Wizards are merely cyborgs, but then, aren’t we all?

Excavating the self

His teaching style was unorthodox to say the least (Warner Bros. Pictures)

The problem here is that the Harry Potter cycle is, on the face of it, distinctly repulsed by the idea of a soul being split up and distributed among objects and people. But this critique always kind of rang false for me. Voldemort is guilty of lots of things (murder, bigotry, aversion to rhinoplasty), but not the inhabitation of objects. The story is full of ways in which people are permeable beyond horcruxes; wands, pensieves, names, portraits, ghosts, Tom Riddle’s diary and the Sorting Hat, which contains the ‘intelligence’ of the Hogwarts founders, all ‘store’ an essence of the person. As we saw in the previous post, the Hogwarts founders are represented by objects which act as relics. At one point, Hermione even becomes multiple selves in her third year with a time-turner. More mystical happenings involve the permeation of one’s self into another: Lily Potter’s love shields Harry; Snape’s Patronus becomes Lily’s doe; Harry’s Patronus is his father’s. Through the wands, the self is extended. In the pensieve, memory becomes material, reminding us that thoughts, emotions and perhaps even magic, are of the body. “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?”

Without digging a single trench or featuring a single archaeologist, Rowling’s universe predicted a lot that would become fashionable in archaeological theory in the 21st century. Perhaps the most important lesson imparted by the books is that the difference between muggles and wizards is simply awareness. It is not only muggles who are unaware of the magic world under our feet (and apparently latent in our blood). Wizards are also unaware of where and when their powers reside. And if wizards could be convinced to take a material turn, what might muggles achieve by exploring their own entanglement with the wizarding world? Might we excavate an awareness of the enchantment within us all?

***

Back to Part 1: Fantastic Antiquities and Where to Find Them

Follow us on @AlmostArch

[happymetalgirl]

The 60 Best Metal Albums of 2018

2018 was such a huge year for metal, and I know that every year is great for metal with the abundance of fantastic artists big and small out there, but this year felt so big to me, perhaps because of so much of what the music this year was the soundtrack to, but also for the sheer number of unexpected masterpieces. This year I reviewed 170 metal albums, not including the 15 I briefly talked about missing in 2017, which is more than the total number of albums I even listened to across all genres last year, which is weird because I have actually been busier this year than last. But I am rather pleased with how much more I was able to immerse myself into metal this year, at all levels of accessibility, and given the fact that the coming year might come with some changes and limitations to my output, here’s to 2018, and the 60 incredible albums (LPs and EPs alike) that captivated me this year.

Also, this should go without saying, but this is not just my opinion, these are objectively the 60 best metal albums of the year, and if you disagree, well then you’re wrong.

60. Coheed and Cambria – Vaxis – Act I: The Unheavenly Creatures

I was expecting to kind of tolerate this one at best, which is weird because I enjoyed the band’s last album quite a bit. But this album took me on such a little nostalgia ride through my adolescence and the music I enjoyed at that time in my life. I’m glad I got an album like this that can make me look back at that part of my life fondly, because God knows lots of other stuff makes me look back with a little bit of shame.

59. Harm’s Way – Posthuman

A fresh batch of lethal Chicago hardcore with a modern update, no bullshit, no nonsense, just punishing, crushing, proficient metallic hardcore that adds to the genre’s growing dominance within metal.

58. Unearth – Extinction(s)

I was so glad to hear Unearth put out an honest, classic metalcore album (with a few modern updates as well) instead of following so many of their peers into the clutches of radio rock pandering, and Extinction(s) is an excellent example of the punch the mid-2000’s style can still pack.

57. XavlegbmaofffassssitimiwoamndutroabcwapwaeiippohfffX – Gore 2.0

I’m amazed a comical grindcore album actually had the content to sustain an hour’s worth of songs, both playfully mocking and proficiently conjuring the absurdly gory brutality of the genre on a tremendous variety of creative tracks whose impossible-to-articulate lyrics are well worth reading along with.

56. Bloodbath – The Arrow of Satan Is Drawn

Even performing below their peak form, Bloodbath is a force to be reckoned with in death metal, and The Arrow of Satan Is Drawn is a fine representation of their continued mastery of the genre. The slight drop in chemistry due to their less frequent and consistent output since Mikael Åkerfeldt’s departure can be felt a bit on this project, but even so, it’s a crushing album that I am glad to have from them this year.

55. Jesus Piece – Only Self

An excellent debut from the hardcore freshmen, Only Self isn’t the most adventurous of hardcore albums, but it sure hits the nail on the head and makes up for its lack of novelty with fiery performances.

54. Chelsea Grin – Eternal Nightmare

It was a quiet year for deathcore, but not a bad one, as Chelsea Grin made a resounding comeback of sorts after their lackluster 2016 album. Eternal Nightmare finds the band seemingly taking noted from the likes of Carnifex and Fit for an Autopsy, who all trimmed the fat on their respective deathcore styles and modernized their sound to help them stand out more.

53. Deadspace – Mouth of Scorpions

Any EP that makes this list must be doing a lot right to surpass so many other albums, and the three songs Deadspace bring to this album are among their best, returning after their slightly disappointing LP last year, to the potent DSBM that drew me to them in the first place. The band have announced a new album for early next year, and this EP has me rather excited for it.

52. Summoning – With Doom We Come

With Doom We Come was definitely one of the most interesting pieces of folk metal I have heard in a long time, with Summoning taking their winding, cinematic, Tolkien-inspired ambient approach over the course of eight songs. I liked the way the band was able to transform he central motifs they based the songs around in interesting ways for the extended lengths they took.

51. Panopticon – The Scars of Man on the Once Nameless Wilderness, Pt. 1

The heavier of the two discs from Panopticon’s double album this year showed Austin Lunn’s slight imbalance in his compositional strength when compared to his second, folk-driven disc.

50. Machine Head – Catharsis

I know a lot of people hated this album for Robb Flynn’s preachiness before and during the promo cycle and on a few moments on a few songs on the album, but honestly, it really wasn’t that preachy when you actually got into the lyrics, and there were a lot of good deep cuts on the album that I kept coming back to. As a pretty big fan of Machine Head, I do agree though, yes, this is rather subpar for them given we’ve been blessed with a string of truly tremendous albums over the past decade or so. But this album’s weakness lies not in its “SJW-ness” or Robb’s politics. It’s an album that shows the band’s creativity wearing thin, which makes sense in the wake of Dave and Phil leaving the band a few months ago. Catharsis sounds like a very natural progression from the diversity of the incredible Bloodstone & Diamonds, just an unfortunately watered-down version of that album. Nevertheless, I think there is enough quality on Catharsis to consider it a good album, even it will naturally be outshined by The Blackening, Burn My Eyes, and Bloodstone & Diamonds.

49. Impending Doom – The Sin and Doom Vol. II

Deathcore album of the year right here; Impending Doom came back after a relatively long break, sanded off the rust, and picked up where they left off with The Sin and Doom Vol. II, an album of straight-up early 2010’s-style djenty deathcore bangers.

48. Wreck and Reference – Alien Pains

This surprise, four-track EP showed a lot of Wreck and Reference’s experimental sides within black metal, as well as their proficiency at industrial rock on the two songs in the middle. It’s definitely a thirst-quenching appetizer for whatever their next album might be.

47. Innumerable Forms – Punishment in Flesh

One of my favorite debut releases, Punishment in Flesh was in many ways this year’s answer to Primitive Man’s Caustic, not a cheap rip-off of that project, but definitely one that carries a similarly pessimistic and relentlessly sludgy atmosphere, although much quicker and less drone-y than Caustic often got. It’s a great start for this band and one that has me eager to see where they take their sound next.

46. Frontierer – Unloved

The Car Bomb comparisons this album has been piled atop with are certainly warranted, though I’m not sure I’d say Frontierer show the same knack for groove that Car Bomb did on their 2016 album. Nevertheless, Unloved is a properly punishing and comprehensive mathcore album. At just under an hour, the band prove they can still hold attention spans with the sheer madness they harness.

45. Thou – Rhea Sylvia

This was the third EP to precede the release of Thou’s full-length album, Magus, this year. I enjoyed the grungy twist the band took on their signature sludge sound, especially on songs like “Deepest Sun” with some sorrowful vocal harmonies that hearken directly to Alice in Chains.

44. Holy Fawn – Death Spells

Holy Fawn take an incredibly beautiful and extremely nature-inspired approach to the sounds of ambient black metal on this album. It’s a truly welcoming and meditative album, and one that I think makes a great case for the lighter side of black metal.

43. Judas Priest – Firepower

Judas Priest came back with such an unbelievably powerful classic heavy metal offering this year, indeed a late-career masterpiece and one that proves how passionate and talented the band still are. It’s an album that showcases their expertise with the style without coming off as joyless exhibition.

42. Thou – Magus

Thou’s full-length album of 2018 is definitely their most well-produced and sonically pleasing release with the way everything from the down-tuned guitars to the drums and bass are allowed to shine simultaneously to best represent Thou’s signature sludgy doom. Compositionally it’s pretty on par with most of their work in this lane too, but it’s really an album more about the thick atmosphere than anything else, and that it certainly delivers.

41. Halestorm – Vicious

Definitely my favorite straightforward hard rock album of the year, this record has so many tightly composed rockers, and with such a tasteful note of heavy metal, I couldn’t help but repeat so many of the songs on here throughout the year. It’s a bit inconsistent, but when it’s high its really high.

40. The Body – I Have Fought Against It, But I Can’t Any Longer

Finally, after a few poor splits and collaborations that made me more irritated than hyped for their following full-length, The Body did pretty well on their new, focused LP. It’s in many ways The Body as usual, but with a few new twists that make it an interesting experience and not just a rehash of previous efforts.

39. Echo Beds – Buried Language

It was a good year for experimental black metal, and this one was one of my favorite pieces of it. Definitely in line with Wreck and Reference, this album takes a slightly more industrial approach than W&R usually do, and it is a thrilling, interesting listen all the way through.

38. Mamaleek – Out of Time

Speaking of experimental black metal, Mamaleek continues to push the genre’s boundaries into more hushed, folky territory that still retains the sinister quality of the genre, and this is probably their most comprehensive foray into the black metal unknown, yet they sound so comfortable and confident doing it.

37. Wayfarer – World’s Blood

Another American black metal release, World’s Blood is a more standard display of the style’s post-metallic power, though with a subtle Western flair itself. With five focused, well-constructed pieces, it’s a pretty engaging listen each step of the way, and one that does well to highlight its subtle differences from the rest of the ambient black metal crop.

36. Deafheaven – Ordinary Corrupt Human Love

And on the topic of American black metal, we have the fourth album from Deafheaven, one that I was a bit confused with at first but still ended up loving for its nice representation of the band’s brighter side. It’s an album that reminds me so much of the love I have for certain people and how unperfect, yet precious and beautiful it is.

35. Behemoth – I Loved You at Your Darkest

Along with Deafheaven’s new album, this was probably my most anticipated release of the year, and as much as I knew it was likely not going to outdo The Satanist, I was pleased with how well this album continued from where Behemoth left off on that album. Channeling the same grand, biblical style of blackened death metal the band had found their sweet spot in, it came with a bit odder experimentation, but not enough to sink the album. Overall, it’s a respectable follow-up to one of the best death metal albums of the new millennium.

34. Philip H. Anselmo & The Illegals – Choosing Mental Illness as a Virtue

I like the angry death metal anarchy that Phil’s band conjures on this album. It and Phil’s unfiltered vocal aggression are a nice match for each other, and it makes for a wild ride all the way through. It’s definitely an album whose appeal is based on the rawness of its delivery, but it’s not just senseless cacophony; the band clearly know how to harness this type of death metal and let it rage on a long leash in their favor.

33. Keiji Haino & Sumac - American Dollar Bill: Keep Facing Sideways, You're Too Hideous to Look at Face On

This one is favorite collaborative release of the year with Keiji Haino and Sumac playing off each other’s respective styles so well, knowing how to ebb and flow within the waves the other creates, it’s a very noisy and odd release, but one that finds everything on here in such a complimentary form. I wish more collaborations in metal had this kind of well-worked chemistry between artists.

32. Of Feather and Bone – Bestial Hymns of Perversion

One of the year’s earlier and most punishing straight-up death metal releases, Bestial Hymns of Perversion is all meat, no fat, and such a quick, but ripping example of death metal at its rawest and most primal.

31. TesseracT – Sonder

As short as Sonder ended up being, I definitely found it to be a step up from Tesseract’s previous album, with the band doing well to craft the kind of shimmering progressive metal anthems that Daniel Tompkins can shine on.

30. Sumac – Love in Shadow

It was a good year for Sumac, coming through with a strong collaborative effort earlier in the year and then following up with their third LP. At only four songs, the album makes the most of the long time is has with each piece, and it’s one that I found myself coming back to so often throughout the year. I think the band outdid all their previous efforts, including their other collaboration this year.

29. Horrendous – Idol

Watching the evolution of Horrendous has been fascinating for the past several years, and seeing them transform into a fully-fledged progressive death metal juggernaut on Idol is one of the most rewarding sights to behold. The band channel raw, snarling growls and expert instrumental power on this album. The band still manage to retain their harsh, ugly roots, but pour that malice into a much more elegant form on this album, and I am definitely here for it.

28. High on Fire – Electric Messiah

It was a pretty big year for Matt Pike, and a major part of that was High on Fire’s follow-up to 2015’s Luminiferous. Taking a bit more of a proggy approach to their thrashy sludge metal worked out pretty well for the most part. It’s in many ways, High on Fire as usual, but also a more extensive application of their gruff, no-nonsense metal.

27. Portal – Ion

The wait between this album and their harrowing Vexovoid was well worth it as Ion captures the band’s most abysmal and spaciously apocalyptic sound in the form of chaotically collapsing technical death metal compositions that take a tremendous amount of listening to fully wrap one’s mind around.

26. Watain – Trident Wolf Eclipse

Watain’s long-awaited follow-up to The Wild Hunt finds them taking it back to basics in the shortest time frame yet, and as overshadowed as this album is likely to end up being next to albums like Sworn to the Dark and Casus Luciferi, it’s still a fiery piece of straightforward black metal that I have enjoyed all throughout the year.

25. Evoken – Hypnagogia

Definitely one of the most thrilling death/doom releases I’ve heard in a good while, Evoken go in for the long haul on this album and come through with a thick, well-cultivated atmosphere of gloom and remorse.

24. Thou – The House Primordial

This was he first-released EP leading up to Magus, and it did so well to concentrate Thou’s harsh black metal side into an interesting arrangement of songs that quickly establish a deep, sardonic atmosphere that takes that side of Thou to the extreme.

23. Thou – Inconsolable

The second EP of the three, and my favorite, is not really a metal album at all, but one whose sorrowful beauty I kept returning to. I love the vocal features the band brought on to give each of the moody, grungy songs on here a unique flair, and the band’s excellence with this softer style of music is incredible.

22. Architects – Holy Hell

One of the most triumphant metalcore albums I have heard in a long time, and one on which I think Architects managed to outdo themselves. Overcoming a crippling death to carry on with =, I think, their best album to date is certainly a feat to appreciate.

21. Sleep – The Sciences

This album took a while to grow on me, but grow it did, and I found myself enjoying and appreciating the thick walls of sound of a genre I had previously been apprehensive about. After finding the most fitting way to listen to this style of music, I can say now that I do enjoy myself some stoner metal.

20. Vein – Errorzone

Definitely one of the most punishing hardcore albums of the past few years, Errorzone is a bold amalgamation of nu metal and metalcore that takes the best of both worlds and smashes them together in an explosive array of violent noise that shoots Vein straight to the upper rungs of the genre.

19. Carnation – Chapel of Abhorrence

Another excellent debut album, Chapel of Abhorrence gave Bloodbath and Cannibal Corpse a run for their money with the dense brutality Carnation were able to conjure up on this album. Without any real notable weaknesses, this album is a tremendous opening statement for one of death metal’s most ambitious newcomers.

18. Polyphia – New Levels New Devils

This was such a fulfilling and unique math rock album that took the swagger of hip hop and made the band’s instrumental show-y-ness even cooler and flashier, elevating it above the autopilot mush of the style.

17. Hissing – Permanent Destitution

Another excellent debut album, this time channeling the experimental noisiness of black metal into a harsh, slightly industrially ambient experience that no other album has really ever captured before. It’s the kind of album that appears to be just standard abrasive black metal chaos on the surface, but the way the band work with so many different musical ideas and swirl them round so well o this album is what makes it so intriguing.

16. Imperial Triumphant – Vile Luxury

And on the topic of intriguing music, Imperial Triumphant come through with one of the most uniquely blues-y, jazzy incantations of death metal this year. Taking the eerie dissonance of traditional jazz and mashing it together with the apocalyptic sounds of death metal to convey the metropolitan filth of the Big Apple.

15. Andrew W.K. – You’re Not Alone

This whole album is the injection of positivity metal needed not just this year, but more of in general. While it’s on the borderline between hard rock and heavy metal, I still found it to be a refreshingly uplifting and encouraging set of songs that embody the type of positive outlook on life that I think needs more endorsement in heavy music. And of course, it opens with my song of the year, “Music Is Worth Living For”, which just perfectly captures my deep love and appreciation for music, which the rest of the album continues unashamedly.

14. A Perfect Circle – Eat the Elephant

Eat the Elephant was a lot softer in most parts than I and a lot of fans were expecting, but A Perfect Circle really proved that their return to music was really based on artistic inspiration and not financial desperation with the evolved and magnificently cohesive sounds they traversed on the album’s various tracks.

13. Infernal Coil – Within a World Forgotten

So many strong debut albums this year, and Infernal Coil’s was definitely one of my favorites. Channeling the heaviest side of Leviathan’s menacing and abysmal depressive black metal, Infernal Coil conjures a short, but enthralling experience on Within a World Forgotten. It’s one that I continually return to for its massive, abusive heaviness and one that makes me eager to see how Infernal Coil continue to shape their sonic identity in the years to come.

12. Obscura – Diluvium

As much as I like Obscura, I was surprised with how comprehensively thrilling Diluvium was. Wrapping up all the musical ideas that have enhanced the group’s progression through the years, the same band that made the stunning Akróasis return with clearly developed chemistry to expound upon their previous work

11. Ghost – Prequelle

It took bit of adjustment from what I usually enjoy about Ghost’s music to appreciate this one. It felt so off at first, but after a while the extra extra cheese melted over this album is really just the very essence of Ghost taken to such a campy and unpredicted extreme, and it is all executed so tactfully and brilliantly underneath the album’s fun externa.

10. Alrakis – Echoes from Eta Carinae

It’s one single song, but I chose not to include it on my top songs list because it would be redundant talking about it here too, and I did want to express its greatness in the context of its comparison to other albums. However, this song, unlike most extensive proggy epics, really is one long, sprawling piece that takes its time to push and pull and really swirl in a well-thought-out aura of ambient black metal that manages to stay fascinating all throughout its one-of-a-kind ride.

9. Anna von Hausswolff – Dead Magic

I know this one’s not really super metal, but the thick sets of horns, organ, and tom drum beating against the gothy appeal and dark ambiance Anna von Hausswolff constructs is something I have been enjoying so thoroughly this year, and for many of the same reasons I’ve enjoyed so much of the dark ambient metal on this list.

8. The Atlas Moth – Coma Noir

This was such a fulfilling album that captured the ascension of the band’s evolution beyond standard post-metal-flavored blackgaze and into a realm all their own. The grooves on here, the sludgy riffs, everything about this record from a stylistic and compositional standpoint was so satisfying as an elevation of the band’s sound.

7. Rivers of Nihil – Where Owls Know My Name

Such a breath of fresh air for technical progressive death metal and such an exponential continuation of growth for Rivers of Nihil, the pure emotion this album is album to pack into such an ordinarily soulless genre is something to behold and something I have loved relistening to all throughout the year. As nuanced as it is, it sacrifices nothing in the way of death metal brutality to get there.

6. meth. – I Love You

This has been by far the most criminally underrated debut by any band this year. Although only a five-song EP, the band showcase such a compelling excellence with the harsh, abrasive chaos they wrangle on here, mashing the harsh blackened noise of a band like Full of Hell with the whopping hardcore punch of the kind of metalcore pioneered by Converge and recently enhanced by groups like Code Orange. These few short songs are all such an incredible display of prowess with a bold blend of styles that makes meth. THE band to keep an eye on for future releases.

5. Revocation – The Outer Ones

Revocation quite possibly outdid their already phenomenal discography on this album with a shift in focus toward cosmic technical death metal while still maintaining a firm grasp on the thrash roots that have given their music the grounded appeal in delicious riffs and solos. The Outer Ones is such a tremendously technical yet tasty release, I have been so thoroughly enjoying it this year. I love all the delicious guitar work and tasteful bass on this album and of course the magnificent drumming too, it’s all so awesome. Hell yeah Revocation, hell yeah!

4. Gevurah – Sulphur Soul

After a strong enough debut in 2016, Gevurah made an even more emphatic perfection of their blackened death metal sound that rivals in-form Behemoth on this four-track EP. Somehow without simply aping the Polish giants’ sound, Gevurah manage to capture the grand carnal essence of albums like Evangelion and The Satanist in a few sharp pounders boiling with cultish aura to give the band’s ravenous death metal a sophisticated lining.

3. Zeal and Ardor – Stranger Fruit

I was completely and pleasantly surprised with the thoroughness and the quickness of the band’s remedying of the flaws the held Devil Is Fine back, while pushing their sound forward with confidence and justified assuredness into bold new territory, coming through with so many incredible and diverse songs. This was exactly what I wanted from Zeal and Ardor, and I’m amazed I got it so quickly after their debut last year.

2. Daughters – You Won’t Get What You Want

Such a hellish and truly terrifying comeback album that shatters expectations or boundaries set by the band’s previous work, this album has such a primal and theatrical appeal to it that really works its way deep into the psyche and exposes the darkness in all of us, which is catalyzed so fearsomely by the unreal harsh noise across the album that the band so neatly and meticulously weaves into their performances. This album really captures the darkness of the human condition and the degree to with civilization has enhanced, rather than mitigated it. I love this album; it’s like nothing else I have ever heard.

1. Khemmis – Desolation

My Twitter fed and my songs-of-the-year list definitely gave this away, but Khemmis’ third album, Desolation, is far and away the most perfect album I have heard since Gojira’s Magma in 2016, and definitely my favorite album of the year. This album is just dripping with catharsis at every step of the way, and I have not been able to resist it all year since hearing it. From start to finish, it is nothing but raw, emotive heavy metal with a somber doom edge that the band still manages to twist into something incredibly triumphant. I cannot give this album enough love. After sitting with it for so long this year, I can say it is undoubtedly an unprecedented improvement upon the already excellent Hunted, and one that established Khemmis as heavy metal’s most exciting new band.

[kzbrandt]



     “Why don’t you tell me about your dreams,” Grayson Dawn was just like a fine wine, perfectly aged and smooth all around. Pushing a strand back to a suave, bush tinged with silver, he tapped a wooden clipboard with an obsidian pen, inscribed with Octavian Industries . The doctor was a fox, making females and males alike swoon for decades. There wasn’t a soul alive, who didn’t love him. You might call him an overseer of sorts. The one playing the game who held all the cards, but even games have rules. 

     “There are so many dreams, but it's more like they’re an adumbration waiting to reveal something forgotten, not lost.  Right when I start to make sense of anything, there is this darkness clouding my way.”

     “Hmm. Tell me about last night.”

     “Well, it was weird, I was on this strange island and the sea was purple, it was… so beautiful, everything I saw was vibrant and throbbing with life. I found my way to an ancient tomb and a fearless Skeleton King, he was monstrous and alluring all at once. I couldn’t resist him, I didn’t want to. I knew him and I didn’t. It's confusing.”

     “Do you believe in past lives, Strega?”

     “I’m not sure, but why wouldn’t it be possible?”

     “I personally believe that some people are bound to repeat lives until the cycle is broken or satisfied. Within this circle are certain people that we find each alternation. For some it may repeat for hundreds or thousands of years. This is where the term old soul comes into play.  

       Perhaps I might help you reveal the nature of these dreams. I have an elixir that is a bit unorthodox, but would clarify whether this is simply a fantasy or if it is something more.”

     “How does it work?”

     “Once you drink it, you will either enter into your past life, or stay here accompanied by slight fatigue.”

     “Doc, what do you mean go to a past life?”

    “Strega, you know as well as I, this world is riddled with paradoxes and unexplainable phenomena, being descendant from a long line of witches, this should come as no surprise.”

     “How do you know--”

     “That you're a witch? Ah, well it's my job to know. I tend to only take on particular clients, your secret is safe here as long as you keep mine. Besides, the waiver you signed is terribly binding, best not to chance it… So, what do you say?”

     Strega Arcadion pondered carefully, this was most unordinary, but what did she have to lose? The dreams were getting stronger.. It was impossible to know when she was sleeping or awake, always so lucid, so real. This way at least she would get some answers, however unexpected. “Alright, let's do it.”

     While she waited for Dr. Dawn to prepare the curious potable, she tapped her foot impatiently. Patience was never her strong suit, impulse drove every molecule, it was now or never. You can live life on the sidelines or grab it by the balls, her norse roots were still very prominent, the Gods of old were never far away.  The ones men tried to blot out and pacify breathed on, their fire burned in and through her. It was precisely this fire that bled into every life, inevitably brimming on the edge, until her cup overflowed. You’d think that the god-touched would lead full and harmonious lives, but unfortunately with such power comes unavoidable, tragic responsibility.. 

     Grasping a cool, stemless wine glass, a sloshing liquid swirled in colors of green-apple and maraschino-red. Swishing the bizarre, but delirious flavor in her mouth, a tart edge made her moist, pink tongue squirm and pucker. 

     “Whew, quite a kick!”

     “Yeah, should’ve warned you. Tabian drinks know how to pack a punch.”

     Wiping her forehead, something felt… wrong. That’s when it all went a little sideways.

Why do I feel so weird… Wow, that drink was quite… Hey, who are they?

     Trying to see through a massive fog, everything was different. Nothing was solid, but fluid instead. Reaching out, Strega was desperate to touch anything, something to hold her steady. The silent whispers got stronger, old memories once faded and buried, rose up once again revived. They continued to murmur in a  repetitive circle no longer willing to be forgotten. 

“Asna

Volva

Vanadis

Nikol Grace

Juliet

Cleopatra

Valfreín…”

    Over and over they sang, spinning and spiraling out of control. 

     “Show yourself to me!”

     Suddenly, the maddening merry go round ceased and the smog cleared. At first, it was as if the sun would burn her eyes to ash, it was too bright, too hot. Lifting her hand away, the blurred lens was wiped clean, but for a moment, Strega wished she had kept her eyes closed. 

Where am I? This place looks so terrifying, but somehow I know there is something more. 

     “Who are you, all of you? 8 different faces and yet the same, there is nothing and everything here. Please, tell me your secrets.” 

     The exhale of a primal unseen entity blew the dust and space away, tombs unearthed. You couldn’t hide in this land of death and wonder. If ye are faint of heart, then go no further. Turn back and lose the key you’ve found and never think of it again. The soft and fragile didn’t survive here, only the adept, never the weak. 

     So, you want to take your chances do you? I like your spirit, come inside and take a look around. Ymíra dwindled on the precipice of the light realms and the shadow lands. Both good and evil laid within her, capable of such stunning and ghastly marvels. She was an Ancient one who was cast from the Vale, never again to drink with the Elders on the Island of Ness, the original home of the lost garden.  The oasis of Eden had a habit of moving often, indecisive, too wounded to stay in one place, a body without a soul. Ymíra had only one offspring, her daughter Eden, or Edenita refused to follow her into exile and the great mother has never been the same. 

     “This place feels like a memory, music I've never heard before, yet I can perceive the heart of it, the meaning.”

     As they circled and closed in around her, one of the eight began to utter a string of words, but she spoke too quickly. One by one, Strega found the pattern beneath the babble, the message within the pages. 

Asna, Eve, Vanadis, here us now and fly unbound

Nikol, Juliet, Valfreín, look deep inside yourself and feel our pain

Cleopatra, Volva, wand-wed, Seidr, united as one inside the ether, time disallowed, remove the shroud

Their poetic epochs churned the belly of Ymíra, waking from a mindless slumber, tasting one of her own. The majestic verse wound and spindled, until all their voices became unanimous. Sorting through a maze of puzzles, she found one piece to focus on, and their melodic, complacent faces turned blank and empty. All but one. 

Husker hvor vi gikk, husk Valean donnigen, apne doren, inviter meg, lase opp vart hemmelige helvete...

(Remember where we walked, remember the Valean swell, open the door, invite me in, unlock our secret hell.)

     A deep, penetrating, vibration pierced her flesh, an archaic rhythm aroused the tremors of a gyrating descant, only few could make sense of. Beneath the pulse of infinitesimal cords of voice was one word, Huldra. 

     Volva’s eyes perforated Strega’s and their souls reached out to one another. Separated they were only shards, useless, but joined all the shadows fell down, illuminated. Opening her mouth, she welcomed her past into the present. What came next would change the course of the future, but some doors should never be opened. 

     But, who ever wanted a leery telling, or a bland tale? Take the leap with Strega Arcadion and swim through these unfathomable waters leading down the rabbit hole into the pit of peril. Looking intently down the tunnel that hungered and coaxed us, what would be waiting for us on the other side? What would our thoughtless actions unleash?

To be continued

[necromantic13]

[3] Moira O’Deorain - Bitter Medicine

Part Three of HACKER VS. GENETICIST: SNIPER REVENGE. There will be at least one more part. I’m rolling a lot of canon and fan theory together here so take it for what it is.

Part One Part Two

Where’s the fun in playing fair?

Every day, Sombra prised a little harder on the tiles of Moira’s life, and every day she unearthed a little bit more about the geneticist’s sordid past. It was, at first, illuminating: she found details of her past work, from the inception of her controversial studies in foundational genetic manipulation to her subsequent disavowal by Overwatch during the Venice incident. The trail of logs and GPS ping data showed that Moira had ventured out on her own soon after, hired by all manner of intrepid criminal organizations to fund her work for their own gain - including Talon, and for much longer than Akande had implied - perhaps for longer than he knew. She found evidence of her help in secret Talon operations, the details of which were buried under heavier firewalls and more circuitous IP rerouting than her initial dig would unveil. It was enough to know they were there; she would get to the center of this mess eventually.

She also found private notes, long ago sequestered into a dusty inbox, from Dr. Angela Zeigler. They were decidedly unprofessional in nature, and Sobra could feel herself blushing as she unwrapped a part of Moira’s life she hadn’t expected to find. Recounting of rendezvous, wistful desires for the future, and the persistent use of the pet name darling littered the long forgotten digital trash bin, lost to all but the most persistent of hackers.

Sombra, swiping gently at her screen so as not to disturb the spider sleeping quietly at her side, wondered if any embers of that fire still burned in the cold soul of Moira O’Deorain. A fire could be used as a weapon if stoked in the right direction. Her past was sordid, to be sure, but by all accounts the woman was proud of her morally-corrupt work. It was the personal stuff that really got to people like that.

It was enough for one evening. Disconnecting, she slipped down into bed, letting the spider curl against the curve of her shoulder. She was close to something big, and once she had it, she’d better know what manner of threat Moira O’Deorain presented.

Later that day, she had a meeting with Akande and some of Talon’s passel of lower-ranked operatives to gather intel on a recent operation. They delivered it in the form of flash drives - flash drives, as though this were still 2020 and microgenetic source code weren’t something that had been invented, perfected, and mass-produced a decade ago. She rolled her eyes and accepted it with as much grace as she could muster, resigning herself to using one of her retrofitted computers instead of absorbing the intel directly into her cybernetics like she preferred. Hopefully there wasn’t anything too sensitive on those files.

“Give me an hour, boss,” she promised, ignoring the awestruck look of the three operatives in the room. She had, it seemed, sown her reputation well.

Akande nodded, dismissing her from the room.

Work made Sombra hungry, so she headed toward the kitchen to snag what was left of the sandwich she’d had for dinner last night. The fridge was packed, and as she was shifting around a jug of milk and carton of eggs to reach her roast beef on rye, she heard a pair of voices descending the stairs.

“But you must, Lacroix,” Moira’s sharp, self-assured voice echoed as she entered the room abutting the kitchen. “Your health is of the utmost importance after all.” “I am fine, Dr. O’Deorain,” came Widowmaker’s response, light and detached as ever. It carried the same strain it always did when she conversed with Moira. “We all went through a rigorous exam last month - there is no need for a follow-up.”

They rounded the corner, Widow a step ahead of Moira and looking decidedly displeased at her shadow. Sombra caught her eye; she was tired. She’d seemed more tired than usual lately.

“Hello, Sombra,” Moira said as she stepped into the room. “Perhaps you can talk some sense into Amélie.”

“That’s not her name, Moira.”

The doctor waved her words away, dismissing them immediately. “She mentioned experiencing fatigue as of late, and pains about the joints. I’m simply suggesting she let me examine her.” She stepped around Widowmaker to sit in one of the room’s many chairs. “You care for her, yes?” She gestured toward the spider. “You have more influence over her. Tell her to do as I say.”

The lines around Widowmaker’s eyes were strained, and in any other situation she would have offered a tongue-lashing so severe it would have left Moira deafened. Instead, she stayed silent, a parade of unreachable emotion visibly taunting her.

Sombra smiled at the geneticist.

“Maybe she just needs some convincing. How do you plan on healing what ails her?” she asked, voice deadly-sweet. Widowmaker looked over at her, frowning, knowing her well enough to recognize when Sombra’s act began.

“Simple calisthenics. Stretches. I don’t imagine genetic therapy would be required at this stage, but if there is any degradation of the joints themselves, it may be necessary along with a round of rapid nanobiotic healing.”

“Sounds dangerous,” Sombra said, regarding the lines on the back of her glove as though it were the most interesting thing in the room.

Moira chuckled. “In inexperienced hands, certainly. As the one who conceptualized the methodology, I am more proficient than your average user.” Moira spoke in such a way that indicated she loved nothing more than to hear herself recite the record of her own brilliance. Sombra understood that well enough - she did the very same thing.

But she was speaking of Widowmaker as though she were a thing, and not standing right there, and that was where the similarity ended and Sombra’s choice was made.

“You - really?” Sombra replied, doing her best to look impressed. “I didn’t realize that. Everything I’ve learned about nanobiotic regeneration indicated Dr. Zeigler was the inventor.” She feigned innocence as she attempted to distract Moira from the topic of the spider’s health. It worked like a charm - Moira was silent, regarding Sombra with a mixture of curiosity and disdain.

“I assure you, nanobiotic reconstruction was my pioneering work.”

Sombra shrugged, half-smiling in apology. “Sometimes even my data is wrong. Perhaps she worked on it with you? A student of yours, maybe? Coworker?” Her finger was on the button, ready to press it as soon as the opening was there; as soon as she was ready to leverage what she knew.

Moira laughed in response, but there was no part of her mirth that extended past her voice. “There were many up and coming great minds during my younger years. Dr. Zeigler was certainly among them, although our paths crossed rarely.”

“Doesn’t that just figure.” She laughed, looking idly at her fingernails. “Zeigler ending up getting the credit. Makes sense, though, if you think about it. She’s the darling of the science community, after all.” She looked up, one eyebrow raised to punctuate her weighted words, hoping her subtle threat wasn’t lost on the geneticist.

It wasn’t.

“I see,” was all she said, turning back to Widowmaker. “Have a good evening.” Sending a scathing look Sombra’s way, she left the room.

Widowmaker looked at Sombra for a long moment before speaking. “What are you doing?” she eventually asked, her voice soft.

“My job,” was all she said. “Speaking of, I have some numbers to crunch for Akande.” She turned on her heel, making it two steps before she thought better of leaving so abruptly. Returning to Widow’s side, she put a hand on her cheek and kissed her with what she hoped was reassurance. “I’ll see you later?” she said.

“I have nowhere else to go.”

Hesitating a moment, she nodded. Dropping her hand to her side, she headed for the office she shared with Gabriel down the hall.

She could feel the spider’s eyes on her back as she left: cold, stoic, and concerned.

Moira was professional, if cold to Sombra whenever they passed each other in the mansion. She took her tea in her room, made no attempts at small talk, and at least when Sombra was around, avoided referring to Widowmaker as anything but Lacroix.

She thought she’d won, at least for the time being. In a battle of wits pitting Talon’s master hacker against their master geneticist, she’d somehow come out on top.

A part of her worried she’d missed something; that there was a hidden pit located somewhere in her path, but until she had more to go on, she allowed herself to bask in the knowledge that she’d bested the doctor and, she hoped, won everyone some well-needed peace from her constant self-righteous presence

The next morning, as she began her daily delve into Moira’s past, something strange happened. The firewalls around Talon’s deeper databases were...gone. Not disabled or weakened, but entirely, completely eradicated. It was as though they’d never even been there in the first place.

Sombra smelled a trap, but it was a trap with bait too tempting to ignore. With a single wave of her hand, she dove in.

What she found horrified her to her core.

Someone had uploaded entire feeds of video data, timestamped over a decade ago and featuring a distraught Amélie Lacroix on a metal gurney. Splayed out like a lab rat, she saw Moira digging needles into her scalp, monitoring beeping machines, and recording every sordid detail of her work into a recorder. She heard the confused woman’s cries for help, wondering what was going on, where she was, and why her. She called for Gerard to save her, pleas unanswered save for Moira’s excited voice, empty of empathy as she increased the dosage of whatever she was pumping into Amélie until she fell silent.

Curiosity borne of abject terror kept her eyes glued to the screen. She didn’t want to see any of it, but she simply couldn’t look away. It was in her now, downloaded to her central database, there to stay until she went in and manually purged it.

Until she forced herself to touch it again.

The screen went black after a few minutes of graphic video documentation, and left her staring into the blackness of her own palm. There was nothing accidental about that. Moira had left it for her on purpose; left it for her to stumble into unprepared.

She hadn’t won, after all.

“What’s wrong?” Widowmaker asked after the silence had gone on for some time, looking up from where she was folding her laundry on the dresser.

“Nothing, nothing,” Sombra insisted, unable to suppress the tears streaming down her face. She scrambled gracelessly off the bed. “I have to go.”

Pushing past the spider’s outstretched hand, she left the room, Widowmaker’s voice shouting her name after her as Sombra ran.

Want more? Head over to Part Four. If you like this, maybe check out Glitch in the System for more spiderbyte!

[ramajmedia]

Young Sheldon: 10 Inconsistencies Compared to Big Bang Theory

Young Sheldon, now heading into its third season, is a spin-off/prequel to the popular CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory, showing the childhood life of one of the main characters, Sheldon Cooper, played by Jim Parsons. Odd, eccentric, socially awkward, and brilliant, if viewers were curious to find out what a young Sheldon might look like, this show, set in the late’80s/early ‘90s, delivers with a fabulously believable performance by Iain Armitage.

RELATED: The Big Bang Theory: 20 Things About Sheldon That Make No Sense 

The stories and casting are, for the most part, perfect, right down to Laurie Metcalf’s real-life daughter Zoe Perry playing the younger version of her as Sheldon’s mother Mary, perfect casting for Missy, his twin sister (who was seen in her adult form in an early-season episode), and even appearances by Sheldon’s childhood idol Professor Proton, a la CRT TV. That said, there are some glaring inconsistencies.

10 Sheldon Said His Dad Was A Raging Alcoholic

Sure, Sheldon’s dad George clearly loved his beer. He was usually seen having one, maybe two every night; sometimes three on Fridays. While this is a lot of beer, it doesn’t really make him an alcoholic. To a young Sheldon’s eyes, it might have seemed that his father drank a lot. So perhaps it isn’t an inconsistency insomuch as it is a young boy’s perception being carried over to his adult life.

This was even proven, to some degree, when Sheldon unearthed an old VHS tape of his father giving a pep talk during an episode of The Big Bang Theory and realized with the help of Amy that sometimes things can be “observer-relative.” Who knows, maybe the drinking got worse over time, and we’ve yet to see it. But either way, it seems like Sheldon’s dad was a man who drank a lot of beer, but didn’t really have a problem with alcohol, per se.

9 Sheldon Claimed To Be Bullied A Lot

We’ve seen glimpses of how Sheldon was picked on at school, but it seems as though he mainly kept to himself and wasn’t really tormented and bullied as much as he describes later to his friends in The Big Bang Theory.

Maybe there are things we don’t see in the series, and there’s still more story to tell.  But from what has been depicted thus far, while Sheldon didn’t really have many friends, most of the high schoolers just gave him weird looks and rolled eyes. His biggest bully was the dimwitted neighbor Billy Sparks and the little girl who’s bullying seemed to stop as soon as it began.

8 He Said He Didn’t Have Any Friends

Tam surely must be hurt to know that Sheldon told all of his friends in adulthood that he didn’t have any friends when he was younger. Meanwhile, it seems like he and Tam hung out every day, eating together, studying in the library, and sometimes even getting together after school.

A grown-up Tam did appear on The Big Bang Theory, showing that Sheldon sort of blocked out their friendship after getting upset that Tam moved away. So this could explain that inconsistency.

RELATED: Young Sheldon: 10 The Big Bang Theory Easter Eggs You Missed 

7 Sheldon’s Parents Seem All Good

While Sheldon often discussed how his parents’ marriage imploded, with his father’s cheating and staying out all night, we haven’t seen anything of the sort yet on the show. Sure, they don’t exactly have the perfect marriage; they have their arguments. But, for the most part, his father George seems like a doting, hard-working father.

So did things go terribly wrong at some point and it simply hasn’t happened yet on Young Sheldon? Or did Sheldon really not perceive his childhood accurately? We’ll have to wait and see. But if it’s the former, we might be in for a really dark season this year.

6 Where Is The House on Blocks?

In The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon mentions one time that his mother had to return home to Texas because their house was slipping off the blocks again, which would imply that they lived in a trailer park. They clearly live in a lovely home in Young Sheldon, so when exactly did they move to this type of home on blocks?

It could have been after Sheldon’s father died, which is when he was 14 or 15. Or maybe it was after George lost his job. Perhaps this means the Young Sheldon story will take a bad turn at some point this upcoming season, and the family will lose their home. Or maybe Mary and Sheldon didn’t mean the comment literally. Also, their actual house could possibly be “on blocks,” a cheaper method of building a foundation versus poured concrete.

5 Meemaw Seems Very Different

Sure, during her one appearance on The Big Bang Theory, Meemaw, played by June Squibb, was a hit, hilariously ragging on Amy. But there was no resemblance between her and the Meemaw in Young Sheldon, played by Annie Potts, both in appearance and attitude. Though she did present as the true Meemaw when adult Sheldon poured her a whiskey instead of wine and declared “I made it just how you like it – a lot in a glass.”

It’s possible that Meemaw became old-fashioned and stern as she aged, but people don’t usually change so drastically, especially strong-willed, free-thinking women like Meemaw. But we find it hard to believe that Meemaw shifted so rapidly from the wild and unconventional grandmother she was 20+ years prior to the wholesome woman she appeared to be in the present day.

RELATED: The Worst Thing Each Main Character From The Big Bang Theory Has Done 

4 Where Is Pop Pop?

Speaking of Meemaw, where is Sheldon’s grandfather, Pop Pop? In The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon credits his grandfather for getting him into science before he passed away. On Young Sheldon, it has presumably been about four years since the grandfather died, which would mean Sheldon was five years old when he passed away.

Sure, five is probably old enough to start developing an interest in particular hobbies, so it’s quite possible that someone as intellectually advanced as Sheldon got the science bug from that age. But he never really talks about his grandfather in Young Sheldon, nor about him being an inspiration. You’d think we’d hear more about the character, but perhaps Sheldon had buried his feelings about Pop Pop deep down by that point.

3 Sheldon’s Dad Was Leonard’s Bully

OK, so this isn’t entirely true, but eagle-eyed fans noticed as soon as Young Sheldon was released that the actor who plays George, Sheldon's father, is the same who played Jimmy, Leonard’s high school bully, in an episode of The Big Bang Theory.  In season five, Jimmy, played by Lance Barber, reaches out to Leonard, and Leonard finally has the chance to stand up to him.

Meanwhile, Barber returned to the BBT family to play George, and fans noticed. Sure, it was only a small role way back then. But for the sake of believability, it’s something you can’t unsee once you know.

2 How To Win Friends and Influence People

In an episode of Young Sheldon, the librarian hands Sheldon the self-help book called How to Win Friends and Influence People, which he then goes on to read and attempts to follow in an effort to, well, win friends and influence people. His tactics don’t quite work.

So where does the inconsistency lie? In The Big Bang Theory, decades later, an adult Sheldon comes across a mention of Dale Carnegie and this book and he seems unfamiliar with it. For someone with an eidetic memory, this isn’t something he would forget.

1 The Triple Knock

It could be a compulsion that didn’t strike Sheldon until much later in life, perhaps triggered by the breakdown of his parents’ marriage or the death of his father. But we notice that while young Sheldon shares some of the same OCD-like behaviors as adult Sheldon, such as being a germaphobe, one habit is missing: the signature triple knock on doors. We see adult Sheldon always do it when crossing the hallway to see Penny (saying her name three times in between as well). But a young Sheldon never does it.

That being said, there are actually inconsistencies within The Big Bang Theory as well when it comes to this one, as there have been times when Sheldon doesn’t do it.

NEXT: Big Bang Theory: 10 Biggest Twists & Reveals, Ranked 

source https://screenrant.com/young-sheldon-inconsistencies/

[kiss-my-freckle]

My Notes-

This post is for me, for my theories. Feel free to use what you like. I’ll be editing to add as I go through dialogue and scene.

“We got to find that goddamn suitcase.”

The Suitcase.

"Masha, I can show you the truth. If you want to know why he came into your life."

According to Kate, Red's reason for entering Liz'z life has to do with the bones in this suitcase. Located at Tansi Farms, which appears to be an apple farm. Kate spoke of it as "Our secret." So this secret was shared between both Red and Kate.

From her set-up inside the barn, it appears Kate was preparing for a memory recall, more likely the night of the fire given the bed and lamp. I'm not sure if this is supposed to signify where the fire took place, but it's possible since the body was buried outside. Doesn’t make sense, unless this speaks of a separate incident. Kate wasn't there the night of the fire, she was at the motel, so either Red told her of what happened, or she was there during the memory wipe 25 years ago. Given Red's statement in Dr. Krilov's episode, I imagine she was present during the memory wipe.- Liz: This man, is he the one who erased my memory of that night? Red: That’s how Kaplan knows him.

I'm unsure of how much Dembe knows, but it appears to be a great deal regarding this suitcase. Not far from it, a tree with a "K" carved into it. Kate apologizes to Katarina before unearthing these bones which were buried inside of the suitcase. I’m not sure if this was a special burial place, or a burial of convenience.  Dembe: So she doesn’t know about the suitcase? Red: Not yet. It is gone. Dembe: Raymond I’m not sure Elizabeth will ever be ready to learn about what you did to Katarina.

I'm including these other suitcase scenes for the hell of it. Suitcase full of sparks- soundtrack stuff. 

All Dom has left of his daughter.

I believe this is either Katarina's or ballerina girl’s remains.

Red’s Given Reason.

The day Red turned himself in, and his given reason why.

Kate: Raymond, stop. The instant you walk through that door, the damage will be done. You’ll destroy her innocence, everything we’ve been fighting to be preserved. You’ll never undo it.  Red: As I feared would happen, elements from Katarina’s past are circling Elizabeth like a pack of wolves in the night. I put Tom Keen in her life to keep an eye on her, and he married her. Kate: This isn’t about Tom Keen. It’s about your need for control. Red: Indeed, I need to control the danger to Elizabeth. I’ve built a vast criminal network predicated on that very principal. It’s time to live up to my mission statement.

Red’s statement here, the fact that he connected Tom’s marriage to Liz with elements from Katarina’s past... it’s just the tip of the iceberg for me. Given Kate wasn’t tied to the memory wipe two years ago, nor do I believe she will be later in the series, I’m going to add Tom in here. Moreso since he’s the one Kaplan sent the suitcase to. I wasn’t at all shocked with that, considering my current thoughts on Tom in season four. I believe Tom may have been the one who actually led Kaplan to betraying Red. So to my Tom bits.

Tom’s Involvement.

Tom is the one who told Liz that her father’s alive. He even brought her the DNA profile for Kirk, which he claimed was in the SVR file. Something to which Kirk himself was confused about, and angered Red enough to make his eye twitch. Red knew where it came from.  

“I’m not here to make him feel better, and I’m not here to make you feel better, Tom.”

Given this scene Tom had with Kate, and her statement, which I feel speaks beyond that of Tom’s need to torture Little Nikos. His eyes respond in a manner that leads me to believe this very strongly. His eyes giving that same response when Liz decided to donate to Kirk in the hospital. The constant back and forth with Tom during Kirk’s arc was the worst I’d seen of him, so I do believe he was involved in something. And while I do have my theories, I’m just not sure where he reall falls into it. 

This leads me to Kate’s betrayal, and the reasons she gives for it. They go all the way back to season three.

Kate’s Betrayal.

Kate’s shooting-

-Kate: In my desire to make life easier for your baby, I betrayed Raymond, and now he doesn’t know what to do with me. Well, he knows what he has to do, and he wants me to make it easier for him. But I won’t. I’m not here to make him feel better, Kate: I dedicated my life to you. You entrusted me with everything you value– your freedom, your life, a child. I have never failed you. What you see as a betrayal of trust was actually a fulfillment of your wishes, to protect your interests. No more, no less. Red: You presumed to decide what was best for me. Even if I resolve the anger, the pain you caused… I can’t trust you. Ever. I’m standing before a stranger. And yet, I know you believe what you did was best for Elizabeth, which is why I brought you here.

Kate: But when I did what I thought was best for her–

Kate: I kept my word to you. When you hired me, you told me to choose Elizabeth over you. And so I tried to help her disappear to a safe place with her newborn daughter. And for that, you put me down like a mad dog.

Kate: I’m gonna do what I should’ve done years ago. I took a bullet to my head, but I remember what my father taught me. Our stories are written in flesh. And I’m gonna use that lesson to render you powerless.

Kate: I was your friend. I protected you. I comforted you. I loved you. The truth? This is the truth. And it came at an excruciatingly high price.

Red: I haven’t loved many people in my life. Kate is one of them. You know, as much as her betrayal hurt, what really hurt was [ Breathes sharply ] knowing what I would have to do in response. She was wrong to think Elizabeth and her child were safer without me in their lives. But in the end, she was [ Inhales sharply ] she did what she did out of love for the little girl she swore to protect what seems like a lifetime ago.

Red: I’m just not at all sure of the right way. And depending on the way, whether I’d be up to it. I need to look her in the face and see if I still recognize her.

Red: She doesn’t have to convince me. You already did that. But for a war to end, both sides have to be willing to find peace. And up until now, it seems Kate has believed the only satisfactory outcome would be if one of us dies. If that’s true, it has to be her.

Red: There’s one flaw in your plan, Kate. I’m not gonna hurt you. I never should’ve pulled that trigger in the first place. I certainly won’t now. Not again.

Kate’s reasons for betraying Red-

--Yes. I’m sorry you weren’t more honest with Elizabeth from the beginning. I’m sorry you wanted to know her so desperately that you convinced yourself we could keep her safe. I couldn’t sit back and watch you make the same mistake with Agnes. I didn’t betray you. I did what I’ve always done… protected you… this time, from yourself.

--The how won’t change anything. I suppose I knew what I would do that afternoon in the car on the drive to the mobile ICU. That poor girl, so afraid. Always looking over her shoulder, in the dark about who she was and why it mattered. But it wasn’t just about Elizabeth anymore. Her child was already paying the price for her association with you.

--I didn’t just give you my friend as an act of contrition. I’m not sorry for what I did. I betrayed you for the same reason I just betrayed Nikos– to keep Elizabeth safe, just like you asked me to all those years ago, when you first put her in my arms as a baby girl, only now she has a baby girl of her own, and your existence in their lives puts them in constant danger.

--I know you don’t want to talk to me. Fine. Then listen. It was excruciating to watch you mourn Elizabeth’s death, to know that I was making you endure that. Yes, I betrayed you, but only after you had betrayed her. Raymond, you have to change. I took Elizabeth from you, and now I need your help to get her back. But when you do, as I’m sure you will, you have to let her go.

--He placed a lovely young woman and her baby girl in terrible danger… not deliberately, mind you. He loves them deeply. Enough to blind him to the reality that his very presence in their lives constitutes a threat. Not just to them, but to himself as well. I tried to help her. All I managed to do was to place her and the child in even greater danger. My efforts earned me a bullet in the head.

Kate’s war against Red-

--I realize now I was so wrapped up in helping you build your empire, I lost sight of why I joined you in the first place. Somewhere along the way, I stopped serving Liz’s needs to enable yours. --For the last two decades of my life, you had me convinced I was helping keep Elizabeth safe. But in reality, I was helping you become a monster. --Your mother hired me to care for you. I promised her that I would defend you with my life. --The reason I’m telling you this now is so that you’ll listen to me when I beg you – walk away. I gave the authorities enough to put him away forever. But you and your team must disavow any knowledge of the task force. --Not you, Elizabeth. I’ve already failed you. I did it for Agnes. --What if I was one of Raymond’s enemies that would do anything to get at him? Please, do what your mother never had the courage to do until it was too late. Walk away from Raymond. --I’m not cleaning Raymond’s mess. I’m taking responsibility for my own. I enabled him, Marvin. You did, too. He used us. --You can’t change what you’ve done, and you can’t stop what’s coming. Your own sins, Raymond. You did this to yourself. --You do know why you’re being hunted by the Debt Collector, don’t you? It’s because you’re in Raymond’s life. As long as you are, killers will be in yours. --And yours kidnapped her. Thank you, Raymond, for proving my point better than I ever could. --I’ve watched you hold Elizabeth emotionally hostage. I never thought you’d hold her physically hostage as well. --Because you’ve already said it, deary. When you called out to warn me. To protect me from him. --I made a promise to Elizabeth’s mother to protect her girl at all costs. And I can’t do that from a cell which is why I have a contingency plan.

Kate’s seeming to be Pro-Tom-

--"This isn’t about Tom Keen. It’s about your need for control.” --In faking Liz’s death, Kate put her trust in Tom over that of her trust in Red, a man she claimed to love, and with whom she worked alongside for over 20 years. --It’s Tom she trusts with the suitcase, with her final act as Masha’s nanny.

I’m not sure how I see this suitcase playing out now that Tom has it. It’s hard to say, but it must be a huge deal for Red. Whether it his truth, a danger for Liz, or possibly both... Tom being in possession of it could prove bad all around. 

More to the question, who’s this middle man?-

Kate: Shoot me dead, and when you do, my confidante will be alerted, and Elizabeth will be given our secret from Tansi Farms. Kate: Pull the trigger. Release the truth. Tom: Hey. I got it. Mr. Kaplan’s instructions were very specific.

Katarina's claim, despite fabricating a DNA report for Kirk-

“He thinks she’s his.”

“I don’t know, Kate. I never found out. I didn’t want to. It didn’t matter. I was never gonna end up with Raymond.”

Kate wasn't around for the Kirk arc. She didn't leave the woods until the end of 4x8. The same time Kirk released Red. Kirk, according to Red, is now "gone" and not coming back. Does Kate believe Kirk is dead? Who does Kate believe to be Liz's father?

****Ending this here- for now. I have to go through dialogue, scene and timeline for Katarina and ballerina girl to see where my theories will fall between the two with regard to that suitcase of bones. Will edit to add later.

[blockheadbrands]

Former Phylos Bioscience Employee Sheds Light on Breeding Controversy

Dick Fitts of High Times Reports:

An ex-employee of Phylos Bioscience comes forward after convincing breeders and growers to trust in the impartiality of the company.

There were perhaps twenty people gathered to hear me speak. For a noon slot, not too bad. All the same, it was my first time giving The Pitch for Phylos Bioscience, and I psyched myself up through a buzzing chest as best I could. Fairbanks Alaska in July is a land without night; having spent the previous evening watching the sun through my hotel window as it barely dipped below the horizon only to creep back up from its catnap an hour later, I was a bit edgier than perhaps I should have been. I stiffened, walked up to the podium, clumsily fiddled with the microphone, had a deep breath and jumped right in. This was my moment, after all. I smiled.

The Script

“Hello, folks! Hope everybody’s had a pleasant morning. My name is Ricky, and I’m here today from Phylos Bioscience.”

Many of you in the grower and breeder communities who are reading this met me under exactly these circumstances. I smiled at you, shook your hand. I answered your questions with austerity and confidence, gained your trust, followed up on the phone, shared laughs and grow stories, tragedies and drug war nightmares. And I even fulfilled your orders for the Phylos Genotype kit, compiling a vast blueprint of your genetics and charting them in the Galaxy, the largest genomic map of cannabis worldwide.

I reassured you time and again, hundreds of times daily: “We are not out to steal your work. We are here to help you protect it, to prove prior art. We’re a different type of cannabis company. We fucking hate Monsanto. We fucking hate Monsanto. We fucking hate…” and on and on.

The Flip

Within the last three weeks, a side of the company has come to public light that calls all of this into question. What I helped build was merely a pawn for a horribly different endgame. I helped build an unparalleled data set of the cannabis genome, paid for by an eager public, to help the company build barriers to entry for anyone else who breeds. I helped establish my employers in a dominant and unfair competitive position for this new venture with an eye towards becoming the industry’s number one acquisition target for Big Ag.

And in the end: I am so, so sorry to you all. I genuinely believed I was doing the right thing. I’ve never believed more deeply in what I was doing, nor been bamboozled so fully. I’d like to speak to this, and if I can’t right my wrongs here at least give some thoughts on how the community can move forward independent and strong.

Phylos Bioscience Starts as Testing Facility for Breeders

In case you’re new to this story and its many twists and turns, here’s the nuts and bolts: Phylos built their name as a testing facility, creating a super-cool 3D map of the Cannabis genome called the Galaxy. For depth of information, ease of use and simple visual appeal: it’s unrivaled in the world, truly an accomplishment to be cherished proudly and applauded by any bioinformatician anywhere. Phylos set themselves up as a guardian of people’s genetic work, helping growers and breeders establish a prior timetable of when they had their genetics before the inevitable wave of patents and big ag attorneys looming on the horizon start to rewrite the rules of what belongs to whom.

For years they had a page on their website titled “Tools for Breeders”. This dealt with developing marker-assisted selection, a technology where the specific mutation points on an organism’s DNA code are tracked and understood, then that data used to inform and accelerate traditional breeding. This isn’t GMO, where a CRISPR machine is used to rewrite sections of the plant’s basic DNA. This is simply kicking traditional breeding into overdrive: with a pre-grow genetic roadmap, a breeder could use this tech to decide which seedlings out of a crop will carry the traits they’re looking for; all of a sudden you’re looking at bringing ten plants full term instead of potentially hundreds of thousands, saving time and labor and resources and farmland.

All in all, this promised better, more refined traditional agriculture for the community and a safeguard against private labs under the direction of a multibillion-dollar ag company steamrolling us all out of existence. A level playing field, an honest and even shot for so many small and underground growers who suffered for so long in our drug war: truly a paradigm shift in agriculture with the potential to ripple outwards into the wider web of what we grow, how we grow it and in essence who we are as a culture and species.

This was one of the things that really attracted me to the company, and one of the reasons I’m so sad to see them go the way they have: a breeding program could have been introduced to the public as a series of tools to develop and further their own work. As it goes, this was simply not to be.

Phylos Bioscience Announces In-House Breeding Program

They made their fateful announcement on Instagram on April 9th: an in-house breeding program, one that by definition would not only be stiff competition for any other breeders of industrial hemp or craft flower but most likely bury with the tech they’ve gathered and perfected. Imagine if all the umpires in baseball got together and said they were starting their own team, putting the full weight of their support behind it. Should the other teams, or the general public for that matter, trust them when they tell us they’re not competing, that they just want to contribute to the love of the game?

This was the quandary Phylos presented with their public statement. True, they’d be paying royalties to the original breeders of the building blocks they started with. But they kept repeating it, over and over in the comments section: we’re not going to compete with you. At best it was patronizing and to this day it remains unfounded. And people got…really, really mad.

Community Responds with Outrage

Between the low-level emoji trolls, loud-mouthed blowhards, cannabis influencers and well-meaning, erudite responders who clearly had a much more solid grasp of genetics and science than the company was giving them credit for: it was an unmitigated shitshow. There were the most horrible names, from “Corporate fucking chads” to the worst you can imagine. There were ignorant pitchfork-wielding yokels spouting pseudoscientific nonsense, there were numerous physical threats.

On the occasion that somebody would ask for clarification or a more complete picture of what might be happening with the data they submitted, the slightest optimism in their sentiment was met with some of the heaviest ridicule I’ve witnessed anywhere, anytime. Everybody took their piece of the big bad scientists and their reputation. It was awful for me to watch; like a dream home you spent a year building reduced to cinders quicker than you could comprehend.

They tried to salvage the situation with form responses to comments, a public statement from their PR person (turns out “You know what? I AM a suit. But I think I’m a pretty good one.” …is not a delicate statement when your intent and role in the industry is being called into question), but the community was relentless. They made a second IG post and a post on their website’s blog, attempting to clarify the first but eerily avoiding some of the deeper questions being asked of them. They did what they could to speak to “how scary this must be” for Everyone involved. Some were pacified by this. Most remained skeptical at best.

Phylos Founder Vows to Replace Modern Varieties of Cannabis

Almost immediately afterward, a video of one of their founders giving a presentation was unearthed, speaking at the Benzinga Cannabis Capital Conference in Miami in February. The term “smoking gun” almost doesn’t do it justice: like many of us who had worked with Phylos in the field, and myself more poignantly than most having worked directly for them, put my name behind them, gone to bat for them with my honor and my word… it was really, really hard to watch. I had to go through it several times over several days just to believe what I was hearing. I cried through a lot of it, puked at one point. It couldn’t possibly be real.

“All the cannabis that’s around now will be replaced by varieties that will be optimized and specialized, and we’re going to be the company that makes those.”

“We have huge barriers to entry protecting us.”

“It would be impossible for anybody else to collect this data set.”

“Cultivators can’t do real breeding on their own.”

“Our core business is plant breeding, we had to build two other businesses to support that…so we built an entire testing business to create all that data.”

“We have a really unusual advisory board. They are not there for show… Ron started and ran a couple of seed companies that he sold to Syngenta, he worked for Syngenta for years and is now the CEO of a spin-out company from there. And Barbara until recently was the VP of technology acquisition for all of Dow / DuPont. So, having these guys around is just critical for us, because we’re building a company that is ultimately going to be acquired by that universe.”

It was suddenly, starkly clear that the brass at the top of the company didn’t give a shit about the community they had built themselves up on the hopes and aspirations of. Actually, truly the case that they looked down on that community and the breeder’s art they’ve carried, for decades, risking everything as “a quaint, rural hobby that maybe farmers get into.”

Supporting Big Ag over Craft Cannabis

Since then, their reputation is on fire and the trolls of the internet have decidedly unleashed themselves. Almost as painful to me as watching their credibility disintegrate has been tracking the body of grotesque, virulent, often badly-uninformed and occasionally decidedly ignorant vitriol being espoused in their direction and that of anybody who supports them, or wants to, for any reason, no matter how rational the rationale.

Things seem uncertain at best for their standing in our community. For being the most dedicated, passionate and capable team of people I’ve ever worked with, in any industry: they’ve chosen to support Big Ag over craft botanists, money over the community. They had a real, solid chance with one of the most valuable crops on Earth as it emerges into full marketplace acceptance to stand with the right people, change the way the game of agronomics is played. Instead, they took the money. They fucking blew it.

Worst of all: they set back the trust of the cannabis community in science, possibly by years, until a stable and reliable alternative can present itself. We need to advance and evolve if we’re to survive the coming onslaught of Corporate Weed. It is not guaranteed that we’ll retain control of our culture or our plant, and with this development things just got darker for us all.

A Word of Advice to Phylos

That all being said, I’d like to give a couple of points of unsolicited advice to the folks at Phylos. Maybe they’ll listen, maybe not: all the same I hope that one way or another they take some time to address their tone-deafness on many key points and publicly raised concerns surrounding their announcement. Who knows? Maybe they’ll surprise me in a way that works for everybody. I can’t help but hold out hope.

First of all, stop talking about “How ‘scary’ this must be” for the community. The term that more accurately describes your recent behavior is “insulting”. Here’s why: the language you’re using indicates a complete lack of understanding and empathy for a group of humans who have endured generations of legal persecution, social stigmata and violent crime. I personally have had friends lose their freedom, their possessions, their families, been lined up against a wall and executed – all for the love of this plant.

This is far from an isolated experience. If you think you’re “scaring” the devoted, hardworking community who had the guts and integrity to build this culture during prohibition that you’re now attempting to appropriate and sell off to big ag, you’ve got another goddamned thing coming. You clearly have no idea who you’re talking to, nor what they’ve endured to get here: we’re in this because we ARE this, past present and future. Check yourselves.

Secondly, you need to state, clearly, what side of the business you’re on. You can’t simultaneously use the lab experience the breeder community has paid you to build, sell yourself off to the biggest fish that waltzes into your bank account and expect to continue enjoying support from the community.

You want to sell out? Fine. But quit acting like you’re not competing with the rest of the industry. Referring back to suggestion #1: it’s insulting. This isn’t a question of a small group of bad actors being really mean and hateful on Instagram, nor is it a question of nuance and context in your communications. Stop bullshitting the people who got you here.

Moving Forward as a Community

To the community at large: we need to take a moment right now. We need to assess, to reflect, to adapt and overcome. There are clearly some mammoth changes coming our way and everything our predecessors have fought and died for is being coveted and actively taken from us by greedy businesspeople who did nothing to help our plight when it really mattered.

As a community, we need a common legal language and framework that breeders can use to protect their work.

We need a scientific community that’s open source, fully transparent and works for everybody equally. We need to support this with personal research, communication and our dollars.

As consumers, we need to support crop diversity and the ability of small farmers to innovate and drive our industry by making our purchasing choices reflect those ethics. 

When we get burned, we pick ourselves the fuck back up and keep moving. Given what we’ve survived so far: this is just another bump in the long, strange trip. Not to worry, we’re gonna WIN this thing. Better goddamned well believe it, Y’all.

With peace, love and respect for everyone involved,

-Dick Fitts

TO READ MORE OF THIS ARTICLE ON HIGH TIMES, CLICK HERE.

https://hightimes.com/news/chronically-il-man-fired-using-marijuana/

[weedconsortium2]

There were perhaps twenty people gathered to hear me speak. For a noon slot, not too bad. All the same, it was my first time giving The Pitch for Phylos Bioscience, and I psyched myself up through a buzzing chest as best I could. Fairbanks Alaska in July is a land without night; having spent the previous evening watching the sun through my hotel window as it barely dipped below the horizon only to creep back up from its catnap an hour later, I was a bit edgier than perhaps I should have been. I stiffened, walked up to the podium, clumsily fiddled with the microphone, had a deep breath and jumped right in. This was my moment, after all. I smiled.

The Script

“Hello, folks! Hope everybody’s had a pleasant morning. My name is Ricky, and I’m here today from Phylos Bioscience.”

Many of you in the grower and breeder communities who are reading this met me under exactly these circumstances. I smiled at you, shook your hand. I answered your questions with austerity and confidence, gained your trust, followed up on the phone, shared laughs and grow stories, tragedies and drug war nightmares. And I even fulfilled your orders for the Phylos Genotype kit, compiling a vast blueprint of your genetics and charting them in the Galaxy, the largest genomic map of cannabis worldwide.

I reassured you time and again, hundreds of times daily: “We are not out to steal your work. We are here to help you protect it, to prove prior art. We’re a different type of cannabis company. We fucking hate Monsanto. We fucking hate Monsanto. We fucking hate…” and on and on.

The Flip

Within the last three weeks, a side of the company has come to public light that calls all of this into question. What I helped build was merely a pawn for a horribly different endgame. I helped build an unparalleled data set of the cannabis genome, paid for by an eager public, to help the company build barriers to entry for anyone else who breeds. I helped establish my employers in a dominant and unfair competitive position for this new venture with an eye towards becoming the industry’s number one acquisition target for Big Ag.

And in the end: I am so, so sorry to you all. I genuinely believed I was doing the right thing. I’ve never believed more deeply in what I was doing, nor been bamboozled so fully. I’d like to speak to this, and if I can’t right my wrongs here at least give some thoughts on how the community can move forward independent and strong.

Phylos Bioscience Starts as Testing Facility for Breeders

In case you’re new to this story and its many twists and turns, here’s the nuts and bolts: Phylos built their name as a testing facility, creating a super-cool 3D map of the Cannabis genome called the Galaxy. For depth of information, ease of use and simple visual appeal: it’s unrivaled in the world, truly an accomplishment to be cherished proudly and applauded by any bioinformatician anywhere. Phylos set themselves up as a guardian of people’s genetic work, helping growers and breeders establish a prior timetable of when they had their genetics before the inevitable wave of patents and big ag attorneys looming on the horizon start to rewrite the rules of what belongs to whom.

For years they had a page on their website titled “Tools for Breeders”. This dealt with developing marker-assisted selection, a technology where the specific mutation points on an organism’s DNA code are tracked and understood, then that data used to inform and accelerate traditional breeding. This isn’t GMO, where a CRISPR machine is used to rewrite sections of the plant’s basic DNA. This is simply kicking traditional breeding into overdrive: with a pre-grow genetic roadmap, a breeder could use this tech to decide which seedlings out of a crop will carry the traits they’re looking for; all of a sudden you’re looking at bringing ten plants full term instead of potentially hundreds of thousands, saving time and labor and resources and farmland.

All in all, this promised better, more refined traditional agriculture for the community and a safeguard against private labs under the direction of a multibillion-dollar ag company steamrolling us all out of existence. A level playing field, an honest and even shot for so many small and underground growers who suffered for so long in our drug war: truly a paradigm shift in agriculture with the potential to ripple outwards into the wider web of what we grow, how we grow it and in essence who we are as a culture and species.

This was one of the things that really attracted me to the company, and one of the reasons I’m so sad to see them go the way they have: a breeding program could have been introduced to the public as a series of tools to develop and further their own work. As it goes, this was simply not to be.

Phylos Bioscience Announces In-House Breeding Program

They made their fateful announcement on Instagram on April 9th: an in-house breeding program, one that by definition would not only be stiff competition for any other breeders of industrial hemp or craft flower but most likely bury with the tech they’ve gathered and perfected. Imagine if all the umpires in baseball got together and said they were starting their own team, putting the full weight of their support behind it. Should the other teams, or the general public for that matter, trust them when they tell us they’re not competing, that they just want to contribute to the love of the game?

This was the quandary Phylos presented with their public statement. True, they’d be paying royalties to the original breeders of the building blocks they started with. But they kept repeating it, over and over in the comments section: we’re not going to compete with you. At best it was patronizing and to this day it remains unfounded. And people got…really, really mad.

Community Responds with Outrage

Between the low-level emoji trolls, loud-mouthed blowhards, cannabis influencers and well-meaning, erudite responders who clearly had a much more solid grasp of genetics and science than the company was giving them credit for: it was an unmitigated shitshow. There were the most horrible names, from “Corporate fucking chads” to the worst you can imagine. There were ignorant pitchfork-wielding yokels spouting pseudoscientific nonsense, there were numerous physical threats.

On the occasion that somebody would ask for clarification or a more complete picture of what might be happening with the data they submitted, the slightest optimism in their sentiment was met with some of the heaviest ridicule I’ve witnessed anywhere, anytime. Everybody took their piece of the big bad scientists and their reputation. It was awful for me to watch; like a dream home you spent a year building reduced to cinders quicker than you could comprehend.

They tried to salvage the situation with form responses to comments, a public statement from their PR person (turns out “You know what? I AM a suit. But I think I’m a pretty good one.” …is not a delicate statement when your intent and role in the industry is being called into question), but the community was relentless. They made a second IG post and a post on their website’s blog, attempting to clarify the first but eerily avoiding some of the deeper questions being asked of them. They did what they could to speak to “how scary this must be” for Everyone involved. Some were pacified by this. Most remained skeptical at best.

Phylos Founder Vows to Replace Modern Varieties of Cannabis

Almost immediately afterward, a video of one of their founders giving a presentation was unearthed, speaking at the Benzinga Cannabis Capital Conference in Miami in February. The term “smoking gun” almost doesn’t do it justice: like many of us who had worked with Phylos in the field, and myself more poignantly than most having worked directly for them, put my name behind them, gone to bat for them with my honor and my word… it was really, really hard to watch. I had to go through it several times over several days just to believe what I was hearing. I cried through a lot of it, puked at one point. It couldn’t possibly be real.

“All the cannabis that’s around now will be replaced by varieties that will be optimized and specialized, and we’re going to be the company that makes those.”

“We have huge barriers to entry protecting us.”

“It would be impossible for anybody else to collect this data set.”

“Cultivators can’t do real breeding on their own.”

“Our core business is plant breeding, we had to build two other businesses to support that…so we built an entire testing business to create all that data.”

“We have a really unusual advisory board. They are not there for show… Ron started and ran a couple of seed companies that he sold to Syngenta, he worked for Syngenta for years and is now the CEO of a spin-out company from there. And Barbara until recently was the VP of technology acquisition for all of Dow / DuPont. So, having these guys around is just critical for us, because we’re building a company that is ultimately going to be acquired by that universe.”

It was suddenly, starkly clear that the brass at the top of the company didn’t give a shit about the community they had built themselves up on the hopes and aspirations of. Actually, truly the case that they looked down on that community and the breeder’s art they’ve carried, for decades, risking everything as “a quaint, rural hobby that maybe farmers get into.”

Supporting Big Ag over Craft Cannabis

Since then, their reputation is on fire and the trolls of the internet have decidedly unleashed themselves. Almost as painful to me as watching their credibility disintegrate has been tracking the body of grotesque, virulent, often badly-uninformed and occasionally decidedly ignorant vitriol being espoused in their direction and that of anybody who supports them, or wants to, for any reason, no matter how rational the rationale.

Things seem uncertain at best for their standing in our community. For being the most dedicated, passionate and capable team of people I’ve ever worked with, in any industry: they’ve chosen to support Big Ag over craft botanists, money over the community. They had a real, solid chance with one of the most valuable crops on Earth as it emerges into full marketplace acceptance to stand with the right people, change the way the game of agronomics is played. Instead, they took the money. They fucking blew it.

Worst of all: they set back the trust of the cannabis community in science, possibly by years, until a stable and reliable alternative can present itself. We need to advance and evolve if we’re to survive the coming onslaught of Corporate Weed. It is not guaranteed that we’ll retain control of our culture or our plant, and with this development things just got darker for us all.

A Word of Advice to Phylos

That all being said, I’d like to give a couple of points of unsolicited advice to the folks at Phylos. Maybe they’ll listen, maybe not: all the same I hope that one way or another they take some time to address their tone-deafness on many key points and publicly raised concerns surrounding their announcement. Who knows? Maybe they’ll surprise me in a way that works for everybody. I can’t help but hold out hope.

First of all, stop talking about “How ‘scary’ this must be” for the community. The term that more accurately describes your recent behavior is “insulting”. Here’s why: the language you’re using indicates a complete lack of understanding and empathy for a group of humans who have endured generations of legal persecution, social stigmata and violent crime. I personally have had friends lose their freedom, their possessions, their families, been lined up against a wall and executed – all for the love of this plant.

This is far from an isolated experience. If you think you’re “scaring” the devoted, hardworking community who had the guts and integrity to build this culture during prohibition that you’re now attempting to appropriate and sell off to big ag, you’ve got another goddamned thing coming. You clearly have no idea who you’re talking to, nor what they’ve endured to get here: we’re in this because we ARE this, past present and future. Check yourselves.

Secondly, you need to state, clearly, what side of the business you’re on. You can’t simultaneously use the lab experience the breeder community has paid you to build, sell yourself off to the biggest fish that waltzes into your bank account and expect to continue enjoying support from the community.

You want to sell out? Fine. But quit acting like you’re not competing with the rest of the industry. Referring back to suggestion #1: it’s insulting. This isn’t a question of a small group of bad actors being really mean and hateful on Instagram, nor is it a question of nuance and context in your communications. Stop bullshitting the people who got you here.

Moving Forward as a Community

To the community at large: we need to take a moment right now. We need to assess, to reflect, to adapt and overcome. There are clearly some mammoth changes coming our way and everything our predecessors have fought and died for is being coveted and actively taken from us by greedy businesspeople who did nothing to help our plight when it really mattered.

As a community, we need a common legal language and framework that breeders can use to protect their work.

We need a scientific community that’s open source, fully transparent and works for everybody equally. We need to support this with personal research, communication and our dollars.

As consumers, we need to support crop diversity and the ability of small farmers to innovate and drive our industry by making our purchasing choices reflect those ethics.

When we get burned, we pick ourselves the fuck back up and keep moving. Given what we’ve survived so far: this is just another bump in the long, strange trip. Not to worry, we’re gonna WIN this thing. Better goddamned well believe it, Y’all.

With peace, love and respect for everyone involved,

-Dick Fitts

The post Former Phylos Bioscience Employee Sheds Light on Breeding Controversy appeared first on High Times.

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