#where is my little anchovy?

[jmdbjk]

WTF is his problem?

When I say I just fell down laughing because this. is. absurd.

And then I ...

He posted that on Weverse. He's trying to make sure the treats are distributed evenly across all soc med platforms. I love that about him.

I don't know what Tae was thinking when he said Chapter 2 is not about them taking off their shirts.

YES THE FUCK IT IS, TAE.

[thebearer]

love, i found you |carmen berzatto x reader|

prompt: how anchovy berzatto came into your and carmen's lives. or the story of anchovy berzatto, dumpster kitten turned spoiled cat.

contains: mentions of animal being abandoned/ stray kitten. small, malnourished anchovy but nothing graphic (i won't do that to you i promise). mainly fluff. language. richie being a hater a little lol.

word count: 2.9k+

“Chefs, keep the stations clear-” 

“-Has anyone seen Richie?-” 

“-Jeff, I need more branzino for the seven fishes-” 

“-Heard, Tina. There, uh, I think there’s some-” 

“-Carm, have you seen the books for tonight?-” 

“-Has anyone seen Richie? Richie! Where the fuck is he?” 

A chaotic melody of screams meshed together in some kind of disarray of harmony, one speaking over the other, the sound of pots and pans clashing, hisses of sizzling food in them a backtrack to the madness. 

“I’m right here, Sugar.” Richie scoffed, buttoning the front of his jacket. He patted your shoulder in passing, cheek pressing lightly to yours, muttering, “How’re you, sweetheart? Doin’ good?” In passing. 

He was the first to notice you, even over Carmen. The rest of the staff bustling through the kitchen prep, trying to squeeze everything in before the family meal. Carmen had invited you to family, but you were starting to regret agreeing, feeling useless and in the way in the face of the hectic nature. 

“Where have you been?” Sugar huffed at Richie, heels clacking in a stomp towards the office. “I have a million fucking things- oh, hey.” She paused, eyes lighting in a greeting when they landed on you. 

“I didn’t know you were here. How are you?” Sugar hugged you, a soft side hug in greeting that you returned stiffly. 

“I’m good. How are you?” You muttered, eyes still scanning the kitchen. 

Sugar let out a dry laugh, pressing a hand to her forehead. “Ask me in about an hour.” She shook her head. “I have a million fucking things to do as I was telling Richie.” She turned, eyes narrowing pointedly at the man. “Only two dishwashers showed up tonight.” 

“You’re shitting me.” Richie groaned. “That fuckin’ jagoff- take a chance on me, bullshit.” 

“Yeah, so Neil needs to wash utensils tonight between the floor, ok?” Sugar jabbed a manicured nail into her clipboard. 

“Is there anything I can do?” You squeaked, much smaller than you meant it to. Richie and Sugar turned to you, both blinking, like they’d forgotten you were even there. “Carm invited me to family, but I can help. I can wash dishes if you need me too. I don’t have anything else to do.” 

“That would be-” Sugar nodded in a sigh, a small smile spreading across her face. “Did I ever tell you I love you? Seriously.” She turned to Carm, who was passing behind her. “Carm, don’t ever fuck this up with her, you hear me? I’ll kill you.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Carmen muttered, and you knew by the drone in his voice he wasn’t listening, too consumed with other things, discarding vegetable scraps into the trash. 

“This thing is fuckin’ full. Can they not- Oh, hey.” Carmen’s features softened at the sight of you, spine straightening gently. “When’d you get here?” 

“Just a few minutes ago.” You leaned forward, his lips brushing your cheek softly in greeting. “I didn’t want to disrupt. You seemed… busy.” 

Carmen snorted. “Yeah, uh, that’s a word for it. Busy, out of my fuckin’ mind because this trash is fuckin’ full!” He boomed at no one in particular. 

“Now, I gotta take this out and replace it, and that puts us back, and every second counts, does it not, cousin?” Carmen rambled, glaring at Richie, yanking the sides of the trashcan off the rim. 

“Look, I didn’t know that the two didn’t show-” 

“-No, of course you didn’t. Can’t pay attention to shit-” 

“-Alright, let’s bring it down.” Sugar lifted her hands, eyeing Carmen with a slight nod of her head towards you. 

“Sorry.” Carmen muttered, eyes lifting to you. “Sorry, cousin. I-I’m just, we’re fuckin’ booked, an-and I’m so far behind-” 

“-I’ll take it.” You squeaked, a little too eagerly. Carmen’s brows furrowed, you cut him off before he could finish. “No, seriously, you’re all busy. I’ll go take this out and then I’ll help make sure the utensils are ready.” 

“N-No, I can’t ask you to do that. That would be shitty.” Carmen shook his head, pulling the trash bag out of the can. 

“Good thing you didn’t ask me. I offered.” Your hand wrapped over his, squeezing his closed fist gently with a tiny grin. “Go, I got it.” 

Carmen beamed, cheeks tinging pink. If he wouldn’t have been in the middle of the kitchen prep rush, he would’ve kissed you, pressed you right up against the wall and smooched you sloppy. Instead, he let you take the trash. 

“Gary!” Richie called behind you. “Make sure you let her back in, alright? Just knock and he’ll let you back in. You’re a fucking life saver, y’know that?” Richie beamed, pushing the heavy steel door open so you could duck under his arm. 

It was surprisingly warm- well, warm-ish for Chicago in the winter. No snow, no need for a heavy jacket but brisk enough for a chill. The dumpster lid was already flipped over, and you were thankful for that, slinging the bag over the edge, turning to go back inside. 

You stopped, halting just as you’d turned. The tiniest squeak of a cry, desperate and alert. You turned scanning the alley walls, the corners by the dumpster until you heard it again, that same pitiful whimper echoing off the metal of the dumpster- inside the dumpster. 

You hesitated for a moment. You couldn’t leave it, whatever it was, it sounded pathetic and in pain. Your eyes flickered back to the building, you could see Gary in the small window, head turned towards the others. They were so busy, you couldn’t ask Carmen or even Fak. 

“I’ll be right back.” You cooed towards the dumpster frantically. “Just hold tight for me, ok? I’ll get you out, one sec.” It was silly, but you felt the need to say it, even if just for yourself. 

Sprinting towards the door, you knocked on the glass rapidly. Gary pushed it open. “I need your help.” You stopped him before he could walk away. “J-Just for a second. I promise.” 

Gary’s brows furrowed. “Yeah, are you- you’re ok?” 

“Yeah, I mean,” You turned towards the dumpster. “There’s something in there. I think it’s a cat? I think it’s hurt.” 

“A cat?” Gary’s eyes widened, still, he followed your furious pace towards the dumpster. “Wait, I-I don’t think- Lemme get Carm-” 

“-No, he’s busy.” You shook your head. “It will just take me a second. I just need you to help me get down.” 

Gary paused, watching you in complete awe- maybe horror- push off a discarded crate towards the ledge of the dumpster. “This is- no, this is fuckin’ crazy, I’m sorry. You don’t know what that thing has-” 

Your small gasp cut him off, eyes rounding in awe. There in the piles of trash, a fuzzy blip of orange fur nestled into the black bags- a tiny, scraggly kitten, mewling helplessly. 

“Oh my God,” You muttered. “It’s a baby.” 

“A baby?” Gary gawked. 

“A kitten baby.” You corrected, lip jutting. “I have to get it.” 

“I really don’t think you should be doin’ this.” Gary looked back at the door then to you. “You can’t go in the dumpster, c’mon.” 

“You want to go in instead?” You huffed, eyes rolling at his disgusted snarl. “Just- I’ll do it.” You leaned to the side, taking a deep breath of fresh air, swallowing down a gag at the expected smell. 

Holding your breath, you let yourself fall into the dumpster, the squishy bags of trash uneasy under your feet. The small kitten whined, crying at the shift of your weight. 

“This is fuckin’ insane.” Gary muttered, shaking his head. 

“Aye, Sweeps, what the fuck?” Richie’s voice boomed, the slam of the door making both of you jump. “Take your smoke break later, you jagoff, I need your-” 

“-I’m not-” Gary huffed in annoyance. “She’s in the dumpster.” 

“Who?” Richie asked. 

“Me!” You swallowed a retch, the pungent stench of the trash filling your senses as you crouched closer towards the kitten. At least it wasn’t summer. 

“Why the fuck is Carmen’s girl in the dumpster?” Richie roared. “Carmen! Get out here now, cousin!” 

“Why is she in the dumpster? Why the fuck are you in the dumpster?” Richie’s furious stomps were muted from the outside. You cringed, still trying to hold your breath, coaxing the small kitten into your hold. 

The poor thing, so small- so fucking small. Shaking in your hold, crying and whining, but turned into the warmth of your palm. A cry bubbled from your chest, mixing with a gag at the smell. 

“Cousin, what? What the fuck is-” Carmen bounded outside, stopping when he saw the top of your head pop up, out of the dumpster. “The fuck?” 

“Your girl’s in the garbage.” Richie shook his head. 

“Yeah, why the fuck- Baby, w-why are you- What are you doin’?” Carmen jogged towards you, hoisting himself over the side of the dumpster, arm extended for you. 

“She found a cat.” Gary rolled his eyes in annoyance. 

“A cat?” Richie repeated. 

“A kitten.” You showed Carmen, pulling the small thing from your chest, where you cradled him close to you. 

Carmen blinked at you. “You went in the dumpster f-for a cat? A cat?” He shook his head, confused. “Baby, that thing could have diseases a-and rabies and shit-” 

“-He’s starving.” You countered, lip jutting in a firm pout. Carmen hated the way he could feel himself melting. The determination in your glare, ferocious yet soft. 

“I could hear him crying, a-and I couldn’t leave him.” You shook your head, petting the tiny kitten’s soft fur. 

“So you climbed in the trash?” Richie snarled in disgust. 

“Climbed right in the dumpster.” Gary nodded. 

“Alright.” Carmen looked over his shoulder at them, a pointed glare on his face. “Just- Lemme get you outta there, alright?” 

“Here,” You handed him the small cat, carefully cradling him. Carmen hesitated, a grimace in his scowl. Your eyes narrowed at him, a warning. “Hold him gently.” 

So he did, of course he did, it’s what you wanted. Passing him to Richie with the same snarl of instructions, pulling you out of the dumpster, a firm hold on your waist as you climbed back over. 

Richie was passing you the kitten with a grimace of disgust, dusting his hands off dramatically. “There. There’s your garbage cat that can not come back in the restaurant. Cousin,” He glared at Carmen. “We don’t want another fuckin’ C. Get shut down for havin’ fleas or shit.” 

Carmen glared at him. “No, he’s right.” You nodded. “Can you bring me my purse? I’m going to see if I can get him checked out. I’ll be back.” 

“Let me come with you.” Carmen offered, motioning for Gary to go get your things, untying his blue apron. 

“Carm, no. You’re busy. I can do it.” You shook your head. 

Carmen rolled his eyes. “No, I’m comin’ with you. Last time I let you do somethin’ alone. End up in the fuckin’ garbage.” He snorted playfully. “Besides, I think there’s a place down the street. The vet has been in a few times. I’ll see if I can, y’know, coerce him to squeeze us in.” 

“Coerce?” You lifted your brows playfully, petting the tiny kitten gently, trying to still his quivering. 

“Yeah, coerce.” Carmen rolled his eyes, swapping his apron out for his jacket, handing you yours. “Give ‘im a free dinner or somethin’.” 

“No fuckin’ way, no.” Richie shook his head. “Cousin, you’re already late- Sydney is pissed, and you’re not bringing that fuckin’ flea bag in here.” 

You held the small cat close to your chest, still damp from his bath at the vet. Carmen’s coercing had worked, Dr. Vallenti had took the bribe happily, squeezing you both in for a check up. The tiny kitten, barely two pounds, malnourished and positively pitiful. You didn’t even have to ask, Carmen knew from the way you held him close to your chest, eyes rounding just barely when the vet asked if you’d be keeping him. 

“Of course,” Carmen nodded easily, squeezing your knee gently. “Just give him whatever he needs for right now, and what we need t’get. We’ll get it.” 

“He doesn’t have fleas, Richie.” You sneered, cradling the small cat in your jacket to keep him warm. His shake was down to a soft tremble, not as constant but still there. 

“Yeah fuckin’ right, rabies then-” 

“-Cousin.” Carmen sneered. Richie stopped with a huff, throwing his arms up and muttering something as he stormed away. 

“Here,” Carmen muttered, a hand on the small of your spine, pushing you into his office. “I’ll grab you a bowl and a plate for his food, alright? You just, just stay in here, ok? Richie’s right, he can’t be out.” 

“I’ll keep him in here.” You nodded, sitting in the small chair. “Do you have a towel?” 

“Yeah, I’ll grab that too.” Carmen slung his jacket off, running a hand through his messy curls. “I, uh, I gotta get scrubbed up and put my stuff on, but if you need anything just yell, alright?” He ducked out to the small closet, snatching a towel and two dishes off the drying rack. 

“I’ll be alright.” You hummed, fingertip tracing down the kitten’s tiny head. He purred under your touch, made your chest burst with warmth. 

Carmen’s lips pulled in a smile, putting the dishes on the ground for you, shedding his own shirt. You were entirely enamored with the cat, that was for sure, not even a sideways, ogling glance at Carmen’s shirtless figure. 

“Shit.” Your head snapped up, wide eyed at Carmen. “I forgot the dishes. I-I’m so sorry, I can-” 

“-It’s alright, baby.” Carmen dropped his pants, biting back a smirk at how your eyes did drop this time. “Tina got her son and his friend to come in. We’re good, baby.” 

“Oh.” You nodded, eyes lingering on his boxer clad ass, before back to the kitten. “Good.” 

Carmen shrugged on his chef’s coat, walking over to you. “It’ll be kinda a late night.” His eyes softened in apology. “I’ll have someone run you a plate when we get outta the weeds, alright?” 

“Thank you.” You muttered, head tilting back for a kiss. Carmen obliged, your lips pulling him in for a longer kiss than he expected, sweet- left his body burning with heat. “Thank you.” You repeated, eyes shining sweetly. 

“C’mon.” Carmen whispered gently, shaking his head at you. “You know I would do anythin’.” He pressed a kiss to your head, looking down at the small kitten before he left. 

“I think he likes it?” You whispered, on your stomach next to Carmen. 

It was nearly two in the morning, the two of you just returning back to the brownstone you called home. Lying on the freshly laid tile of the kitchen, you watched the small cat explore the space. 

“Yeah, think he’s gettin’ used to it.” Carmen muttered, shaking the small stick so the feather danced over the kitten, grinning when he’d scrunch and bat at it clumsily. 

You pressed your head into your hand, watching the kitten prowl, ears finally perked up instead of flat back in fear. “We have to name him.” You blinked, looking up at Carmen. 

“Yeah,” Carmen grinned. “Yeah, that-that would be a good idea, right?” He beamed playfully. 

You smiled, gently petting the kitten’s back, smiling at how he arched into your touch. “I think it should be something kinda with the restaurant.” You suggested. “Since that’s where we found him.” 

“Yeah? Like Bear?” Carmen muttered. 

Your nose crinkled gently. “He doesn’t really look like a Bear.” 

“No,” Carmen agreed, shaking his head. “More like a Garfield.” 

You snorted lightly, rolling your eyes. “That’s such a gimme name.” You shook your head. “Maybe not the restaurant, exactly, but… similar?” 

“Yeah? Like Trash Can?” Carmen muttered, lips curling playfully. 

You gasped lightly, smacking his leg playfully. “No.” You huffed. “Something maybe with food?” 

“Carrot?” 

“No.” You pouted lightly, head tilting towards the small cat, occupied with Carmen’s sweatpant strings. “What about, like, Anchovy?” 

“Anchovy?” Carmen snorted in amusement softly. 

“Yeah, like the fish.” You shrugged softly. “And cats eat fish- well, in the cartoons they do, y’know?” 

“Yeah, I know, baby.” Carmen grinned softly down at you. “You think he looks like an Anchovy?” 

The small kitten turned, perking towards Carmen, padding happily over to him. Your face lit, glowing with beaming pride and adoration as Carmen scooped up the small kitten, let him rub his face into his chest sleepily- sweetly. You thought you might melt into a puddle on the floor at the sight. 

“Alright.” Carmen laughed lightly. “Think you’re right. Think he’s an Anchovy.” 

“Anchovy Berzatto.” You hummed, crawling between Carmen’s spread legs, petting the tiny cat. You smiled so brightly at Carmen, his own cheeks burned, flaming under your radiant affection. 

Your lips caught him again, pulling him in for a sweet, longing kiss over the small kitten’s head. Your hands in Carmen’s hair, pulling him closer and closer, kissing him like a lifeline- it made his head swim, chest swell with adoration. 

Anchovy chirped, teetering on a meow and yawn, little paw stretching in Carmen’s hold. Your forehead pressed to Carmen's, you ducked down to coo at the small kitten, moving to sit in between Carmen’s legs, your back to his chest. 

Home with your little family, complete with the little kitten, Anchovy Berzatto.

[hayleythesugarbowl]

could I request an Ian hecox x reader where it’s an established relationship and reader also works at smosh!? Ty + I love your writing so much!!! Please take care and take your time :)

Fishy || Ian Hecox x reader

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ masterlist • smosh masterlist  ⋆˚｡⋆୨୧⋆

summary: you and ian have been dating for some time now, sneaking around so no one in the office knows you’re seeing each other. but when you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, you’re forced to reveal your relationship to your coworkers

word count: 1.8k

warnings: none

a/n: hello love!! i hope you enjoy this + the way i went with it. it’s a little short but it gets the job done i think. i love ian sm 🤭

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~°~❦~°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     “Hey you.”

     You spun around to find Ian, your boyfriend, standing behind you.

      He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in for a kiss.

     “Ian,” you whispered. “Not here.”

     You were in the middle of the Smosh studio. Well, not exactly in the middle. More like a secluded corner. But still, anyone could walk in.

      “Man, you eat a few garlic fries and suddenly it’s—”

     You laughed, interrupting him. “You know it’s not that.”

     It wasn’t that you didn’t want anyone to know that you were dating Ian. In fact, if any of your coworkers were perceptive at all they would’ve noticed by now. You’d come to work wearing something of Ian’s too many times to count.

     But nobody had noticed yet and you just weren’t exactly eager to tell them. That way you were spared all the dating your boss jokes. 

     “I could send everyone home,” Ian shrugged. 

     “You’re impossible,” you smiled, rolling your eyes at him. 

     “Or a genius,” he countered, tucking your hair behind your ear.

     You leaned into his touch, wishing this could last forever.

     Suddenly, you heard the sounds of voices coming towards you. Your friends must have just gotten done with a shoot.

     You quickly stepped away from Ian, leaving a safe distance between you. 

     You felt Ian flinch. You hated it too, but it was better this way. Or, that’s what you told yourself.

     Courtney was the first one to round the corner, smiling when she saw the two of you. “Hey, my guys! You ready?”

     You’d almost forgotten. Some of you had planned on going to lunch after filming was over that day. You couldn’t believe it was already that time—the day had flown by.

     “Definitely,” you shot Courtney a thumbs up. 

     “I’m starving,” Shayne came up behind his wife, throwing his arm around her shoulder. “All I’ve eaten today is Garret’s weird peanut butter pasta.”

     “I didn’t think it was that bad,” Anthony admitted, standing beside them. “It was flavorful, at least.”

     “And oddly fishy,” Angela added, making a face as she followed.

     “Oh that was the Anchovy paste,” Chanse said. “And I liked it, Garret let me keep the jar.”

     “This coming from Mr. Lube,” Ian mock- whispered and everybody laughed.

     “Laugh all you want, but it came in handy last weekend,” Chanse crossed his arms.

     “Which reminds me,” Courtney turned to you, “Jonah’s coming with us to lunch with us!”

     You felt your face pale. “What?”

     “What does that have to do with lube?” You heard Angela mutter to Chanse.

     “You remember, the guy I was talking about that would be perfect for you? I invited him so you two can officially meet,” she beamed.

     You saw a muscle in Ian’s jaw tick as you tried to fake a smile. 

     You had forgotten about that too. A couple weeks ago, Courtney had mentioned one of her friends who had just moved to the area. She kept going on about how he was kind and funny and something about your signs being compatible. 

     You knew Courtney had no idea that you and Ian were in relationship, otherwise she definitely wouldn’t be trying to set you up with another guy.

     You had panicked in trying to cover up your’s and Ian’s relationship and told her that you’d love to go out with him sometime.   You kinda hadn’t thought anything would actually come of it. 

    “Court, I don’t know,” You started. “Maybe some other time or—”

     “It’s already done,” she said, “Trust me, I wouldn’t set you up with anyone I didn’t think you would hit it off with immediately.”

     There was nothing you could do but smile and say, “Alright.”

     You couldn’t tell her why you suddenly had changed your mind about wanting to go out with her friend. Not without revealing your secret relationship. And you couldn’t not go to the lunch, not without raising everyone’s suspicions. 

     You looked at Ian and he shrugged. Anthony caught your eye and he gave you a reassuring smile.

     He was the only one at Smosh that knew about you and Ian. Being Ian’s best friend he said he just knew these things.

     That, and he’d caught you one time in the break room. 

     “Well, yay!” Courtney exclaimed. “Let’s go then.”

     All of you began walking towards the door. You hung back so you could talk to Ian without anyone hearing your conversation. 

     “I’m sorry,” you whispered.

     “Hey, it’s not your fault,” he said, letting his fingers brush yours as you walked. “Just, you know, be really repulsive so he doesn’t want to go out with you.”

     You chuckled, “I’ll try my best. Where are some of those garlic fries when you need them?”

     You grabbed Ian’s hand, linking your fingers together, safe behind everyone else.    

     Anthony turned around, smiling at the two of you. 

     You took a deep breath, looking at Ian, and praying you could get through this lunch unscathed. 

₊˚ ✧ ‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿ ✧ ₊˚

      “Ok, is it just me, or does everything taste like fish?” Angela asked, dipping a fry in ketchup and holding it out in front of her.

     “It’s just you,” You took the fry out of her hand, popping it into your mouth.

      You sat at a table, an array of food and drinks atop it, Ian on one side of you and Jonah on the other.

      Of course it had worked out that way. 

      Jonah had tried to talk to you throughout the whole lunch—why wouldn’t he? as far as he knew this was supposed to be a date?—and you had tried to act as politely disinterested as possible.

     Now, he turned to you, asking, “So, are you more of a ketchup or a mustard  person?”

     “Um, I like both,” you answered. “Depends on what I’m eating.”

     “Me, I can’t stand mustard,” the man said, “Not since the shark incident of 4th grade.”

     He began telling you the story and you promptly spaced out. You looked across the table. Shayne and Courtney were deep in a conversation and Angela was putting fries in her mouth and imitating a walrus to an annoyed Chanse. 

     Next to you, Ian was talking to Anthony in a low voice. 

     “And so anyways, needless to say I don’t where orange pants on Tuesday’s anymore,” Jonah was saying. 

     You nodded, realizing you’d missed most of whatever he was saying. 

     You turned to Ian. He smiled at you and grabbed your hand under the table. You looked round to make sure no one had seen the exchange.

     But everyone was fully engrossed in their conversations. Except for the man next to you.

     “So,” he started, and you gave him credit for trying to make conversation, even as you were practically ignoring him, so as not to give him the wrong idea. “Do you come to this place often?”

     “First time I’ve been,” you said. “But the fries are killer, I may have to come back.”

     “Maybe we could come back together,” he answered. 

     You felt Ian grip your hand tighter under the table.

     “Oh,” you fumbled for words. “Maybe. But I’m going to be pretty busy with work for a while. You might want to go with someone else, no use waiting on me.”

     “And if I want to wait on you?” He almost whispered. 

     “I’m flattered,” you managed. “But I’m just not really looking to date right—”

     “Courtney told me you were looking for a serious relationship,” Jonah accused.

     Of course she had. You had basically told her as much.

     “Courtney may have gotten the wrong idea,” you said, “I’m not really interested in a relationship, of any kind, at the moment.”

     “What?” Courtney asked. She must have heard her name and now was waiting for a response. The whole table was, it looked like.

     “I lied,” you said. “I’m not looking to date—I can’t date.”

     “Why not?” 

     You took a deep breath. “Jonah, you seem like a great—”

     If not a little pushy

     “—person, but I can’t go out with you. With anyone. Because…”

     You looked to Ian for help, nodding ever- so-slightly. He smiled back at you, as if to say go for it. You watched as everyone’s eyes were on you. Now was a good a time as any.

     “Because I’m already seeing someone,”you blurted out.

     “Oh!” Courtney exclaimed. “Well, that’s great! Can I ask who?”

     “He lives kinda far away,” Anthony interrupted quickly, looking at you. “Right, (Y/n)? You probably wouldn’t—”

     You shook your head, silently thanking him for being willing to help, but knowing you might as well spill the beans now.

     “I’m—” You stared, but Ian beat you to it.

     “It’s me,” Ian said. “(Y/n) is dating me.”

     Everyone’s shocked expressions moved back and forth between you and Ian.

     He lifted your linked hands from under the table, as if it was some kind of proof. You supposed it was.

     “That’s right,” Ian said, pointing at you and looking around at all of your friends. “I’m the lucky guy who gets to get with this.”

     “We were waiting for a good time to tell you guys,” you said, rolling your eyes at Ian. “And, surprise!”

     “You’re dating?” Anthony over-dramatized. “This is news to me!”

     “Anthony, shut up, you knew the whole time,” Ian waved him off.

     “Wow,” Shayne ran a hand through his hair. “Congratulations you guys. I have like four—no, five!—jokes I could—”

     You raised an eyebrow at him.

     “Later,” he corrected, leaning back in his chair as Courtney patted his arm. “It can wait till later.”

     “I had no idea,” Courtney turned to you. “I totally didn’t mean to encourage you to cheat.”

     “I know,” you assured her.

     “Yeah, well, I’m going to take off,” Jonah said, standing up. “Later Courtney. Nice meeting you (Y/n).”

     “You know, I’m not sure I liked him,” Chanse crossed his arms. 

     He left the table and Courtney leaned in. “You know, the more I think about it, the more I’m starting to feel like you’re not perfect for each other.”

     Your whole table burst into laughter, before quieting down again.

     You turned to face Ian. You felt lighter than you had in a while. As fun as it was sneaking around, it would be a lot more fun not having to hide your relationship from your friends. 

     “So,” you started.

     “So,” Ian agreed.

     “I think there’s only one thing left to do,” you told him. 

     “Eat Jonah’s food?” Ian joked.

     But you just shook your head, leaning in and kissing him on the lips.

     Your friends whooped and hollered, enjoying the moment with you. 

     You pulled away from Ian gently, his arm still around your shoulder. 

     You loved Ian so much. 

     And you thought your coworkers reaction was something? Wait until the fans found out. 

     Because you would tell them—in due time. In fact, you had all the time in the world. Right now, you just let yourself enjoy this moment, surrounded by people you love.

     “Okay, taste this celery,” Angela said, as she held out the stalk. You’d almost forgotten she was there—she had been uncharacteristically quiet this whole time.

     “You can’t tell me it doesn’t taste fishy!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~°~❦~°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ˋ°•*⁀➷ ahh hope you enjoyed my babes 💋 stay tuned for another ian fic coming soon!!

[irndad]

* Dandelion - finally hearing the other person laugh after a period of hardship

Why am I always in the mood for hurt/comfort??? Does this say something about me??

hello my sweet apple pie !!!! this is far more comfort than hurt and i hope that's okay :))))))) it's all fluff LOL flower prompts

“You look nice,” he hears himself say. She does. Very nice, in fact. The sight of her is very tempting, actually, the polyester purple blanket that he’d had since college draped over her lap. She smiles at him lazily, eyes all warm and fond and there’s something just so sweet about it. 

Strictly, Carmen does not have to work tonight. 

He knows this. When he’d met her, Carmen knew that he wouldn’t really be able to resist the siren song of her company for very long. He can still remember the moment they met, dim lighting at house music at a friend’s party. How odd is it, that he even ended up at something like that? She was all warm disposition and lovely eyes, joy written all over her like she couldn’t be bothered to hide it. He doesn’t even remember what he said that was funny, but he does remember how she tipped her head back, joy overflowing till she couldn’t hold it back, and he saw her lovely neck. The pride of making her laugh like that. He wants to feel that way all the time. 

So, yeah. He couldn’t really avoid seeing her. 

He has a headache. He knows he’s not good company. Somehow, she’s not the kind of thing he can deny himself even when faced with how much he does not deserve it. 

He tries to makeup for being in a relationship while doing this restaurant thing, tries not to repeat past mistakes. He tries to be up earlier, do his prep work on time, tries not to get behind. He’s actually pretty good at it, and somehow- it’s a Saturday night, and he’s ahead of schedule. He could theoretically stay in with his girl tonight. 

His girl. He’s not sure he’s allowed yet, still tentative about scaring her away. 

Her makeup is a bit faded and her hair is in a clip. He tries not to think of the image of her rummaging around his drawers, nimble fingers quick and lovely, finding the clip he kept just for her in his bedside drawer, along with a few other things she might need. 

“Thank you,” she replies, looking up at him with the sweetest smile he thinks he’s ever seen, “You look nice too.” She outstretches her arms, hoping for an embrace and- fuck it. 

It’s a little awkward, the positioning but god, she smells like the lavender perfume he and Sugar picked out for her, and he can’t stop thinking about it. You like nice too, she had said. A little ridiculous. He’s pretty sure he’s got anchovy juice on his shirt and smells like literal ass and he hadn’t had time to change before he got home, so really, he’s quite sure he’s not the most pleasant sensory experience. 

And yet, she rakes her hands through his unkempt hair, graces him with a lazy, pleasant smile. 

“How are you doing, Carmy?”

Her tone is warm, like milk and honey. He could drown in it, he thinks, spend years trying to pin down all of the melodic qualities of the ways she chooses to keep him company.

He ponders the question. 

She looks so stunning, warm and pliant in his arms and god, it loosens the knot in his chest a little. This week has been fucking awful, none of his recipes tasting in the real world how he pictures in his mind, nightmares ever-present in his sleep, only eased by the mornings where he wakes with her pressed against his chest. He’s so grateful for the sight her, drinking her in like a man starved. 

He takes her hand, gazing at it with reverence before pressing his chapped lips onto her delicate fingers. 

“I’m better,” he manages to rasp out, blue eyes trained on her lovely face, “I think I’m doing much better.” 

[natsgrave]

TOLERATE IT | elizabeth olsen

while you were out building other worlds, where was i? you assume i'm fine, but what would you do if i break free and leave us in ruins? ( story inspired by @taylorswift song bcs i love her sm ) i'm not sure if someone else already wrote something like this or what, but if you see a story quite similar to this, let me know so i could give them a proper credit. thankyou!! ( colored wording would be the lyrics ) i do not give permission for my work to be copied or translated on other sites. plagiarism is a crime!! masterlist whispers of heartache m.list

Y/N'S POV Lizzie and I had been together for five years. We met in college, fell deeply in love, and spent countless nights talking about our dreams and aspirations. We were each other's rock, supporting each other through thick and thin.

But how can a perfect relationship turn into a toxic one where we barely talk anymore?

I sit and watch you reading with your head low

I don't know what happened. I don't know how to fix it, it that I didn't even know exist. One second we were fine then the next, we're like strangers.

All I could do is sit here and watch her read the script for her new movie. Reading with her head low and sitting far away from me, almost as if I have a disease. As if there's an invisible wall between us.

We would always sit in silence, her pretending to watch TV or read books, but the tension between us was palpable. I know she could feel my eyes on her, but she never spared me a glance. It was as if she was avoiding me intentionally.

Minutes ticked by, and I decided to make her food. After making anchovy, I gently touch her on the shoulder. She jumped, startled, and looked up to find me standing next to her, holding out a plate.

"I made you your favorite," I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper. "Anchovy toast."

Lizzie took the plate from my hand, "Thank you." she replied before looking back at the script once again.

I simply nodded and sat down where I originally sitting, and focused on my own hands folded in my lap with a sigh.

I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes close. I sit and watch you, I notice everything you do or don't do, you're so much older and wiser

I woke up around five in the morning, the sun hadn't completely risen yet, but the little lighting shone through the curtains, casting a soft glow across the room. My gaze fell upon my girlfriend, who lay beside me sleeping lightly. The rise and fall of her chest matched the rhythm of her breathing, a calming sight that used to bring me comfort.

As I lay in bed, I couldn't help but watch my partner, Lizzie, sleeping peacefully beside me. I stayed there, watching her for a moment and appreciate the sight before me. But despite the serenity of the scene, I still felt a pang of sadness in my heart.

Lizzie had always been a restless sleeper, constantly shifting positions throughout the night and sometimes even talking in her sleep. But tonight, she was lying completely still, her face calm and relaxed. If someone saw it, they would instantly let it go and think that she's in a deep slumber but I'm not just someone.

I know the truth.

She was pretending to be asleep and it felt like she didn't want to wake up beside me, like she is simply tolerating my presence.

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid, use my best colors for your portrait

They were small things I did for her, but meaningful nonetheless. Always wait by the door every day to greet her, to offer and show her some love and comfort after a hard day at work. I would always stand there, gazing out into the evening sky, hoping to catch a glimpse of my lover making her way home from work. It didn't matter what time it was, or how tired I am after a long day, I always made sure to be there, waiting for Lizzie.

I even took painting classes as it seemed to ease my mind. I poured all of my emotions into my painting, using every color in the palette to capture the beauty of Lizzie's face. I spent hours each day working on the portrait, trying to convey the depth of my feelings for her and I'd use my best colors for her portraits.

Lay the table with the fancy shit, and watch you tolerate it

I had always been a perfectionist when it comes to cooking and entertaining. I would always spent hours in the kitchen, preparing elaborate meals and setting beautiful tables for my lover. I would carefully select the finest ingredients, meticulously prepare each dish, and arrange the table with exquisite linens, flowers, and candles.

I'd make her favorite dishes, lay the table with best cutlery and yet again, no matter how hard I tried, she never seemed to appreciate my efforts. All Lizzie gave back were strained smiles, small and almost whispered hums, and nods in acknowledgment of my attempts, and a whisper of "thanks," as she shoveled the food into her mouth, barely taking the time to taste or savor any of it.

she seemed to simply… tolerate it.

If it's all in my head tell me now, tell me I've got it wrong somehow

Despite my best efforts to communicate openly and honestly with Lizzie, I felt like she wasn't really listening to me, and it made me feel invisible. I began to wonder if I was overthinking everything, if maybe I was the one who was misinterpreting our interactions. Maybe I was being too sensitive, too needy.

Maybe I was the one who was crazy, paranoid.

I felt so alone, so lost, and so unsure of what to do.

I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it

I began to feel like I was living in a dream world where everything I created was invisible to everyone else. It was as if I was speaking a language that nobody understood, except for my own echoes in mind.

"Liz," I said with a trembling voice, "I've been giving everything I have to make you happy, but it feels like you don't see or appreciate it anymore. I feel taken for granted."

My choice of words caught her off guard, she paused for a moment before responding. "Y/N, I never asked you to do all these things for me. I don't need grand gestures to feel loved, I thought you knew that."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was this really what our relationship had become? A constant stream of argument and neglect?

Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized the disconnect between our expectations. I had been trying so hard to show her love in a way that I thought she would appreciate, but it had only pushed us further apart.

And it happen, I finally snapped.

I felt a surge of anger and frustration well up inside of me.

Why was I putting so much effort into something that seemed to bring her no joy? Why did I care so deeply about pleasing someone who didn't seem to care about me at all?

I knew, I couldn't keep living this way, constantly pouring my heart and soul into something that brought me nothing but pain and disappointment. I realized that no matter how much I gave, Lizzie would never truly reciprocate and still, I constantly yearn for someone who clearly did not want me.

With a heavy heart, I packed my bags. Our relationship had become toxic, with me constantly sacrificing myself for someone who didn't appreciate me. I knew it was time to leave, before I lost any more pieces of myself.

Before leaving, I took a one last look, the last thing I want to remember was the way Elizabeth used to laugh at my jokes, enjoy our food, take me out on dates. The last thing I want to remember was how she used to love my presence, and not just tolerate it.

Maybe one day someone would be enough to have their love celebrated by her.

[essentiallyleaf]

day 14. underwater sex. with. kim chaeyeon.

1164 words.

tags.

kinktober ‘23, idol x male reader, girlfriend chaeyeon, life is hard, sometimes i want to escape, underwater sex, a little jealousy, semi-public sex, breeding, do i use periods too much?, i’m writer, so if you find any bad takes in here, i blame the characters (and one of them is you, so who’s really at fault here?), terrible pacing, zero setup, just a bunch of fluff followed by some smut.

notes.

tararì tararà. inspiredly, leaf.

That sea blue van would be your home for the summer. You bought it second-hand after you got out of high school, painted it the least bland color you could find, packed it with your stuff and started driving. “Your stuff” included, in no particular order: a big boombox, an empty backpack, two plastic leis, a portable stove, a skateboard, a panda onesie and a giraffe onesie, a Rubik’s cube, a ukulele, Luffy’s straw hat, a My Melody trousse and an array of colorful carpets and blankets. (Oh, and all those “you”’s stand for youse, of course. Isn’t this language a peculiar one, where it’s all you’s, whether they come in ones or twos?)

You like Europe, Chaeyeon likes the sea. Sounds like a perfect match. She loves standing with her head and upper torso out of the window on the rooftop, and opening her arms wide, the feeling of the wind between her hair, on her face. It’s fast and it’s present, it’s right now. You love to just turn The Japanese House up when she does that, and watch the sun set, or rise, or just stay up at its zenith, or rest from its hard work while the stars embellish the night sky like shiny little white gems on deep blue velvet. You obviously can’t see her face from the driver’s seat, but you can picture it exactly in your mind, and it’s beautiful.

There was no set route, no bulleted list with places to visit, every night you went to bed not knowing where you’d head the next day. Just drove on seaside roads for hours until you found a nice spot, then parked the van, set up on the beach, and spent the day there. Reading coming-of-age books, playing go, debating Miyazaki (Ghibli Miyazaki, not From Miyazaki; you like the magic of Spirited Away, she likes the rawness of Grave of the Fireflies, she says as far as stories go, you can never beat humanity; for the other one, you both agree it’s Bloodborne and it’s not even close).

One day in early July, you were somewhere between Alicante and Cartagena, the midday sun was hot but still bearable (they say the low humidity helps), the beach fairly empty. You went to the kiosk to get Chaeyeon an orangeade, the girl behind you in line said hi with a courteous smile and started talking to you about vegan sunscreen. When you got back and gave her the drink, she said she wasn’t thirsty anymore.

“Did something happen?”

“I don’t know, you tell me,” she answered while pouting.

“What’s this all about? Did I do something wrong?” You asked, confused.

“Nah, you probably did everything right, I mean, that pretty girl looked so over the moon as you were hitting on her.” A veil of jealousy coated her face.

“Hitting on her? Chae, that girl is as pretty as she’s uninteresting, you have no idea”

“Yeah?” She tried to hide her legitimate curiosity.

“I asked her what drew her to Spain and she was like, ‘I heard you can get really good tans’” Chaeyeon snorted. Not exactly your type.

You made aglio e olio pasta on the portable stove for lunch; your mom always used to put a little anchovy paste in it even though you didn’t like it, it was one of the many silly reasons why you thought you hated her in your early teens, now it’s somehow become a fond memory of her. After a couple hours of fairly silent crosswords and solitaires lying down in her blue one-piece swimsuit, you asked her:

“Wanna put our feet in the water?”

“M'kay. Not too long though, I gotta finish this sudoku”

Feet became knees became hips, and in two minutes flat the two of you were twenty-five meters away from shore, the water at the level of your nipples, which is the level of her chin. Not that you expected anything different, she loves the sea like that, she just can’t help it. You hugged and kissed her and one of your fingers found itself under the strap of her swimsuit.

“W-What are you doing?” She giggled, startled and excited.

“Sh-shh, no one can see us”

“You are such a horny dork”

The strap came off, the other followed soon after. As you pushed the top part of her one-piece below her boobs to fondle them, her laughs only made space for soft moans. One of your hands reached lower for her core, first above the blue fabric, then pushing it aside and starting to massage her lower lips. She mewled in your mouth as your thumb circled around her clit.

“Can you do this for me, baby?”

“Mmh-what?”

“Turn around”

You rotated her hips as she was now also facing the shore, only a few people in the water, none at close, or even moderate distance. You helped her bend over slightly, one hand at her shoulder, one around her waist as support. Her hands lowered your swim trunks and stroked your erection a couple times before guiding it to her slit.

“Can I?” you asked.

“Yeah, just fucking, don’t make it obvious”

“You should be the one worrying about that,” you teased as you pushed yourself in.

She whimpered at your penetration, the water simultaneously making the surfaces feel more slippery and the space in between them feel more stuffy. It was quite a different sensation, but certainly no less pleasing. As soon as you bottomed out in her, you pulled your hips back and immediately hit her ass with your pelvis again in a quick motion (she couldn’t contain a high-pitched whine, which fortunately didn’t overpower the sound of the waves building up and crashing onto the sand). Rinse and repeat.

Your palms quickly found themselves on her irresistible tits again as she looked for support with her hands behind your lower back and on your asscheeks. Seeing the two of you in that state surely wouldn’t have been flattering, but fortunately no one did. So you could continue to pound Chaeyeon’s pussy from behind as you groped her beautiful, soft mounds, stimulating her nipples with your fingers. Her moans getting louder and louder told you everything you needed to know.

“Where do you want it?”

“Fuh- Don’t waste it”

At those exact words, you emptied yourself deep in her, the walls around you tightening repeatedly as she hit her own orgasm. You wrapped your arms all around her as you gradually slowed your movements down, making sure her legs wouldn’t give up on her now.

“Can you piggyback me back there?”

“Not even pull your swimsuit back up? Such a slut, for real”

“Oh, I’m the slut? What about the guy who flirts with any vegan tan girl he sees?”

You stayed silent as pushed two fingers in her slit and gathered some of your cum before bringing them to her lips and letting her lick them clean.

“None of them get this”

-

footnotes.

feeling like driving now. peacefully, leaf.

[trashpandato]

Control

Kara has no idea how things got out of control so quickly.

One minute, they were sitting in their booth at Al’s, downing their second round of drinks while chatting animatedly about that time when Alex accidentally ordered pizzas loaded with anchovies, and the next, tables were getting pushed over, chairs were flying and the entire bar was engulfed in chaos.

As with most bar fights, it’s completely unclear what or who started it. Kara briefly considers simply using her superspeed to subdue everyone enough to put an end to it, but then she remembers she’s blown out her powers earlier that day.

A bottle comes flying toward her and she ducks just in time. And then, someone grabs her shoulder and spins her around, but before Kara can even get a good look at who grabbed her, Lena is there, blocking a fist that was meant for Kara’s nose, and then throwing one clean punch to knock out Kara’s would-be attacker.

Shocked, all Kara can do in the moment is nod, but Lena is already taking a step toward a large burly dude who has Alex pinned to the bar. Lena yells to get his attention and then punches him out as well, though it takes more than one swing for him to go down.

Eventually, things die down. Kara assumes that whoever started the fight is either out cold or has left the bar amid the mayhem. 

“You alright?” Alex asks, concern for her sister evident in her face.

“I’m fine. Not a scratch. Thanks to Lena.”

They both turn towards where Lena is currently checking on Brainy, who seems a little shell shocked by what he has just witnessed.

“Yeah, what’s up with that? I had no idea she even knew how to throw a punch.”

Kara wants to nod, but then a series of images flash through her mind: Lena punching Beth Breen unconscious while Kara was being attacked by the nanobots, Lena knocking out Eve Tessmacher in Kaznia, Lena aiming right for Lex’s chin, twice.

“I’m going to go take her home,” Kara declares, knowing that all she wants to do right now is gather Lena up in her arms and hug her.

Alex nods. “Alright. You do that. I’ll call J’onn to help me sort out this mess.”

It takes a little while before Kara can convince Lena to leave, to let Alex take care of the aftermath of the fight, but eventually, they make it back to Kara’s apartment. As soon as they get inside, Kara makes a beeline for the freezer compartment of her fridge and pulls out a bag of frozen peas.

“Here. For your knuckles.”

Kara holds out the bag to Lena who raises an eyebrow. “Peas?”

“I, um, I don’t usually need ice packs myself, so, this is all I have.”

Lena smirks. “Oh I get that. I’m just surprised you have…frozen vegetables in your apartment.”

“I do eat green things sometimes, you know?” Kara retorts, rolling her eyes.

She takes a few steps and sits down on her couch next to Lena. Gently, Kara takes both of Lena’s hands and inspects them. Her knuckles are red and a little swollen, and there is a small cut that’s already scabbed over. Kara shakes her head and looks up.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know?”

“Yes, I did,” Lena cuts her off. “I’m not going to let anyone hurt my friends, hurt you.”

Kara presses a careful kiss to Lena’s injured hands and then rests the bag of peas on them.

“You, Lena Luthor, are my hero.”

“And you, Kara Danvers, are a sap.”

“Maybe. But I’m the sap who loves you.”

At that, Lena ducks forward a little and captures Kara’s lips in a soft kiss.

“I love you, too.

[jmdbjk]

Paving The Way

I might get cancelled for this but I want to talk about something controversial.

Specifically: Paving The Way.

It has come to my attention that some of the other members of BTS feel like they can just fling their nipples all over the place as if it's nothing. I mean, like wtf is the problem with them?

They need to remember these nipples Paved The Way:

The audacity.

In case anyone has forgotten, Jimin Paved The Way Of The Nipple Road ... yes those are Jimin’s nipples the members are walking on or behind or whatever. Their nipples are possible because these Paved The Way:

My little anchovy worked his nipples off for ten years though they did go into hiding for a while (why?) I don’t know maybe BT21 took the "living rent free in my mind" thing too far and needed a job for a while.

This wasn’t my time but back in the day, women protested by taking off their bras and burning them. I don’t know where I was going with that except all I know is that Victorian era is over because we’ve not only seen Yoongi’s naked shoulders ...

...we’ve seen Tae’s nipples ...

...and almost RM's crotch which he deleted. Why is he always the awkward one? Anyway, I digress...

And finally, bunny nipples which is funny because now he is just so... hello! here they are! .... after YEARS of split second peek-a-boo Fake Love. And his little "I was shy posing without a shirt"... my ass... he ain't looked back since he felt the ice cold air conditioning on his little b... anyway, THE AUDACITY!

Just remember... these are the ones that Paved The Way:

Rant over...

[thebearer]

Idk if it was mentioned, but how long did their mock separation last? I could've interpreted it wrong, but I imagined it as like 2 or 3 weeks, but I was just curious. I know you mentioned that Teddy's schedule changed?

I think two weeks. maybe a little longer but I feel like two weeks or so in my head. long enough to cool down, and long enough for carmen to at least start to get his shit together.

teddy’s schedule and routine were disrupted bc she’s not where she usually is (at home). and bc I think in that time, you were trying just to get through the day without sobbing. pete and sugar helped a lot and they didn’t know her routine all the way. plus their kids had their own, and it’s different from yours, but you tried to correlate with theirs so theirs wasn’t disturbed bc you felt bad being there given the circumstances. and they’d been kind enough to let you and teddy and anchovy stay, you just wanted to make it easier but it’s hard tbh.

teddy is more uncomfortable than anything. she’d finally gotten used to things and now it’s all shaken up and then you shake it up some more taking her home once she kinda gets used to pete and sugar’s. it was just a lot on her, poor baby :(

[wickerfemme]

hi!! what're some easyish meals to make that fill you up? i've wanted to gain for a while & my boyfriend is finally helping me with that but i'm sort of just . bad at eating and have nooooo clue with where to start. any sort of advice would be nice 🌺 <3

Ooh, hi! Congrats!

I used to be very bad at eating consistently, and at eating enough to like; actually fuel my body properly. Truly, my first few pounds came just because I started to eat enough that I wasn't running on a slight calorie deficit most of the time. Aside from specific meals, I recommend just finding ways to make frequent + consistent eating part of your life. That can be in the form of regular meals, but if those are hard then frequent-but-informal snacking (some veggies, crackers, and dip; a few cookies; a quick simple sandwich, etc.) works too! It's all about building the habit of wanting and having food. Another big thing for me, early on, was learning to like. have a side; not just a sandwich, but some chips alongside; have a simple dessert with lunch; treating myself to takeout and getting a whole combo instead of just a burger. It's a minor thing, but it adds up!

As far as filling, easyish meals go:

I'm a pasta fiend, as you may know. So, so easy to throw together a handful of ingredients you like, combined with slightly too much pasta because you're bad at judging portions, and to come away with a hearty dinner. My go-to for a simple worknight pasta has long been garlic & chili flakes sauteed gently in oil, a couple of anchovy fillets dissolved into the oil toward the end, and then some cherry tomatoes thrown in and allowed to burst; add some chopped italian parsley right before the pasta is finished, and then toss everything together. This is good with caramelised onions in place of tomatoes (the winter variation?). Another 'too tired to cook' classic: bok choy (I like the little shanghai ones) and stir-fried chow mein; it's boring as hell! But tasty enough, and filling. This being another noodle-based dinner, I tend to make 'too much'. A go-to that requires a little more work, but can yield some leftovers: slice a shallot or a red onion into thin rings, and let the rings soak in the vinegar of your choice; add them to a vinaigrette with some dijon and capers, some dill (or parsley, maybe?); boil some little salad potatoes (halved or left whole depending on how mini they are), and add those to the dressing; pan-fry a piece of salmon/trout, break that up into pieces, and combine everything together. Roast veg (yams, potatoes, whatever) is just an easy thing you can put on rice or with salad leaves, etc. My girlfriend has just chimed in with her old standby of egg & rice, as another thing you can add endless variations to (she's a former bad-at-eating 10 PM 'forgot to have dinner and have to have something now' person); I can't add much to the egg thing, as an egg-disliker, but it's sound advice!

Anyway, I'm rambling a bit now, and have to go scrounge up something for my dinner. Hope this was even partly helpful!! <3

[danafoss]

OC Questionnaire

Never done one of these before but nevertheless, here's some details about my latest oc (can't stop drawing her help)

Name: Josie Gallo

Gender: Female

Height: 5'3"

Orientation: Sees herself as straight/a little bicurious (has had romantic feelings toward women)

Nationality/ethnicity: Italian-American

Occupation: Mailwoman (takes her job WAY too seriously)

Favorite season: Autumn

Favorite scent: Fresh-cut grass

Average hours of sleep: 5, but she can get by on much less.

Dogs or cats: Both, though she’s a little iffy of very large dogs.

Personality: Positive, energetic, hot-headed, generous, says what’s on her mind.

How easy is it to make them angry? She can get extremely angry in a flash, usually about minor things, and then chills out completely after a few minutes.

Where are they from? Boston.

Do they have any pet peeves? When people don’t keep their mailboxes free of spiders and other critters.

Have they ever broken any bones? If yes, how? Broke her hand in middle school punching a bully.

Do they have a “type” that they are usually attracted to? Smiley, golden retriever-type men. Appearances don’t matter too much to her, but she prefers the company of older people, as long as they're fun to be around.

Do they have any favorite possessions? Her postal service uniform (she’s a little too proud of it).

Do they have a certain skill that they’re particularly proud of? She’s very physically strong from carrying heavy packages all day, and she’s quite proud of her strength, especially considering her small stature, and she’ll never turn down a chance to show this off.

Do they have any personal insecurities? Being short. She’ll fight someone about it if they tease her enough.

Is there anything that immediately instills fear in them? Spiders and rain-soaked mail.

What is the weirdest thing your oc has ever eaten? Anchovies straight out of the tin (for protein).

How easy is it for your character to laugh? Very easy. She tries not to take things too seriously.

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable? Very flexible.

What is their preferred mode of transportation? Her mail truck, though she also enjoys jogging around.

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? 100% supportive, no matter what it is, even if it’s stupid or crazy (she’s a little crazy herself).

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? Enjoys flirting for fun, but actually will not seek romance unless it’s right in her path (or she falls insanely in love).

How are they in a relationship? Pretends not to be affectionate in the beginning, but ends up being extremely affectionate and romantic, usually in a cheesy way.

[lily-alphonse]

"Sailor Song" (Willy x Farmer)

Fic Preview - Read on AO3 - Rated M for Mild Suggestive Content - 7k words

It had been a long day when I first met him. It dragged with the sun. Everything was orange. The sand, the waves, the side of his face. 

His voice boomed an “ahoy!” at me and I felt like laughing. I shook his rough hand. His other hand covered mine warmly when he welcomed me, and it felt like coming home.

“Willy,” he introduced himself.

Willy. He could’ve been William, but he didn’t take himself so seriously. It was silly, and whimsy, and the smoke from his pipe, drifting up in the rafters of his old cabin. I told him my name and he assessed it seriously, his clear brown eyes thoughtful. 

“Good name, that,” he said eventually and my heart sang with the praise. I’d never been especially proud of my name until I heard it on his lips, in his thick and playful voice. 

It had been a long time since I fished. Since I was a child. And I suppose I felt a little like a child again, when he stood behind me and adjusted my grip. He smelled like spiced tobacco and fish, but I liked it. It felt lived-in. Like the smell of an old frayed t-shirt. Maybe it wasn’t for everyone, but it was for me and I leaned into it. When he gave me directions I could almost feel the deep voice in his chest. 

I got a bite and panicked, dropping the line. 

He cursed in surprise and immediately apologized. He was blushing behind his beard. Said his mother taught him better than to curse in front of a lady and I laughed. His shoulders loosened and he laughed too. It was a lovely sound. 

He looked cute when he was embarrassed, big burly guy like him.  

“Hardly much of a lady,” I joked.

“Nonsense,” he muttered shyly, resetting the pole for me. 

I had the awfully devious thought that I wanted to show him just how uncivilized I could be, but bit my lip in restraint. It was our first time meeting. I wasn’t normally like this but there was something about him. I knew I could be whatever I wanted with him. 

His arms came around me again. I was already used to the feeling. His rolled up flannel, the tickle of his beard when he leaned over my shoulder. 

“Like this, right?” I asked, repositioning my hands to prepare to reel. 

“Just like that, lass.” He was good with his praise and I chased it. It made my skin light up. 

But he wasn’t focused on me. His eyes were trained out at the surf below us, the sunset lighting his eyes like amber halos. In a way, it felt better than him looking at me. His focus was something admirable. He was clearly a master of his craft and it was a beautiful thing to watch. 

I saw love in his eyes when he looked at the ocean. 

I got another bite and held on. His hand squeezed my shoulder as he guided me through it. “That’s it, reel ‘er in! There ye go!” 

Getting the anchovy out of the water was such a sudden release of tension that I nearly dropped it back in again. A bead of sweat trickled down my temple and I held my breath until the fish was finally on the pier with us. 

I laughed again in nervous relief. It was such a small thing, but Willy was proud. He smacked my back jovially like it was something to celebrate.

“You could be a strong angler, if ye set yer mind to it.”

I thanked him for everything. He’d even given me a rod, and taking it felt like a promise. Yes, I will join you in your love.  

How could I not? 

I kissed his cheek. Because I wanted to fluster him. Because maybe I liked that he thought I was a lady. Because ‘thank you’ didn’t feel like it was enough. 

He looked at me for a long moment and I wondered if his thoughts were going where mine were. Then he nodded and turned away. “Good luck with yer fishin’, I’ll be here if ye need me.” 

“Goodnight, Willy.” 

“Night, lass.” 

I practiced in the pond on the farm, usually in the dead of night when I was too tired to chop wood anymore. My days were full of farming. Running about town. I didn’t see much of Willy. But at night I would look into the little ripples of the pond and relive the orange of sunset and how it lit his eyes. 

It was a meditative thing. But more than that it felt somehow like the realest part of the new future I was building for myself. It gave me hope. I had left the city to find meaning and purpose, and I think I found it on that pier. I had not felt so alive in a long time.

I got the farm established and decided that on Sunday mornings I would wake up early and get to the pier before sunrise. That would be my time, our time, carved out of everything else that life was. I didn’t tell Willy that, of course. 

The first Sunday morning after making my decision, I ran . I couldn’t help it.

>>Continue on AO3<<

[toskarintoast]

toast. with anchovy butter. and soft boiled eggs. it’s not in the picture. but i cracked some black pepper over the eggs before eating. there’s some minced garlic. in the anchovy butter as well.

where to start? the first toast was. underwhelming. the second. was euphoric. the height of cuisine. the third. was just a little sickening. it is. so incredibly oily. the oil from. the anchovies. an oily fish. preserved in olive oil. mixed with butter. it was. genuinely decadent.

“for a moment. there was hope.”

eventually. a mounting sickness. peaked over the horizon. as if dionysus. came down from mount olympus. to tell me. that i’d flown. too close to the sun. and that a vague lethargy. and horrible breath. would be the punishment. for my hubris. it’s a pungent experience. between the gentle sulfur smell. of the boiled eggs. and the astringent anchovies. i made a wario potion. eating this toast. makes you feel like wario.

i think. that my lack of skill. compared to nee-san. contributed to this in some way. i would have to give the first toast. a 5/10. the second toast. an 8/10. and the third toast. a 5/10 again. overall. maybe a 6/10. or maybe less. bluh.

[m4rs-ex3]

some context-less cracked season 5 quotes for your consideration

"so did you just make bait a sacred promise"

"well he's not going to feel better if he's dead"

"evil jar of eyeballs, evil jar of toenails, evil jar of... peanut butter"

"focus on being present and mindful 😌" "YOURE SPRINKLING CRUSHED LEAVES ON MY HEAD"

"im not sure ive ever felt this relaxed in my entire life-" "BLOODOFC HILDDDD"

"stab stab buh-bye bad guy"

"down the esopha- i mean corridor"

"i don't wanna get your hopes up, but i think i've might've seen your dad's bum shimmy just a little!"

"GOODBYE CRUEL WOORRRLDD" "WHAT WAIT???"

"it's just a polite way of saying 'shut up already will you'"

"A THOUSAND LEVIATHAN-O-FILET SANDWICHES"

"I NEED THOSE OILS. THEY HAVE LAVENDER 😩"

"he's blind isn't he?" "O HOW DID YOU KNOW"

"goods i got by doing.. ~✨~crimes~✨~"

"these goods are so good they should call em 'greats!' let's say you and i take a walk to my big business boat."

"anchovy?! that's a little far"

"good morning good morrow and top of the sun to you"

"oh you have that thing where you sneeze when you see the sunlight too?"

"then i had a revelation: put an egg on the muffin!" *le gasp* "with the sausage?"

"WHY DON'T YOU WANNA EAT ME HUH? YOU'RE MISSIN OUT ON SOME TONED MEAT"

"don't feel bad. if i was a giant sea monster i would eat you." "really? awww... ty 🥹"

"vengeful pirate, certain death, and no jelly 😞" *caws* "ROUGH DAY."

"oh i'm sorry do you have some kind of nice reason for wanting her dead?"

"i've got the biggest strongest hands! don't you want one of mine! huh? HUH?"

"i do not understand. a hand will take weeks to regrow" "no buddy it'll take way longer than that"

"are you mixing the pentapus ink with your own blood?" "its a spell terry not a pudding recipe"

"🎶do you know the mushroom mage who lives on fungi lane🎶😈 THATS ME 👹👹👹"

"✨ i swallowed her✨"

[flickys-courage-club]

[This is part of my AU of Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby Doo Meets Courage The Cowardly Dog movie. In it I included my CTCD OCs such as Barry, Onyx, Carnelian, Kameron, Francine, Bunitty, Crister and Bard. Now I am including my new Scooby Doo OC named Cookie into this]

[During their visit to the mayor's mansion. Barry heads to the museum. Everywhere in this room is filled with medals, trophies and ancient items. But then he heard something that caught his ears. A large chest that is moving about. Barry approaches slowly towards the bronze box]

Barry: Hello? [nervously tries to open the handle]

[But then the chest begins to shake, making the black cat release a shiver in his body. But by the shaking, Barry also hears sounds coming from inside of the chest]

???: [muffling in the chest] Well if only someone who is over here, who can easily [knocks on the chest] help me out [knocks on the chest again, which makes it shake again]

[Seeing the shaking chest makes Barry think that it can be haunted and that a ghost possessed it. Barry pulled out his toy gun if there was something about to approach him. And suddenly… the chest opens up! Barry is lunged to the floor by what appears to be a caramel coloured dog]

???: You okay? [their tail is wagging fast]

Barry: Yeah… [sits up]

???: Hi

Barry: …Hello

???: [pats Barry's head] Oh my crumbs you look so cute! [chuckles and he gets up. They look at Barry] Oh, oops, sorry. Need a hand to help you up? [Extends his paw out]

Barry: Sure [grabs his paw and he stands back up]

???: Or should I say “paw” cuz’ I'm a dog

Barry: …Right

???: So– what's your name anyway

Barry: Barry

Cookie: Barry, good name that is. I'm Cookie! [extends his paw out] Put her there friendo

[The two shake hands/paws with eachother]

[As they walk out of the museum. The two head to the kitchen where Shaggy, Scooby and Courage are in]

Cookie: [opens the kitchen door] After you friendo

Barry: Thanks [walks through with Cookie behind him] [to the trio] Hey guys–

Cookie: Scooby!

Scooby: Rookie!

Barry: Wait a minute, Scooby. YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?!

Scooby: Yeah

Cookie: Hey Shaggy

Shaggy: Like what's up Cookie [the latter gives him a thumbs up]

Cookie: [chuckles with the two, until he sees Courage with Barry] Oh? Say Bar, who's this you with here

Barry: This is my friend Courage. Courage, meet Cookie

Cookie: Courage ey? It's odd to name a dog called Courage [Courage nods to that]

Cookie: Huh, I notice that…

Barry: Noticed what?

Cookie: I have a friend who is dog that is part of a mystery solving people

Barry: Yeah?

Cookie: And you have a friend who is also a dog

Barry: Yes! And he has his owners who raised him here in the middle of Nowhere

Cookie: Nowhere huh. But how did your friend end up in here

Barry: Eh… It's a long story

Cookie: Ah okay

Shaggy: Behold, the majesty of what Scooby-Doo and I like to call…

Shaggy and Scooby: El Sandiwicho Extra Grande! [Barry is surprised by that]

Barry: I didn't know that you both have a massive talent of making a sandwich like that

Shaggy and Scooby: A little mustard, a little of that… And that, and this. A little more, a little more.

Shaggy: Like man, don't forget the anchovies [Barry takes one anchovy fish and eats it]

Eustace: Anchovies? Yuck!

Cookie: [quietly, to Barry] Geez, what a grump

Scooby: Hmm. Needs more mustard [squirts the mustard] Oh. Excuse me [both him, Courage, Cookie and Shaggy giggle] [squirts more] Why I never [the three laugh at that] [squirts even more] [gasps] Must've been something I ate

[They laugh at Scooby's joke, with Courage laughing so hard he fell off the stool. Cookie and Shaggy also join in, while Barry looks fazed and unamused, that he doesn't understand all of this]

[lostfirefly]

I'm sorry, I can't stop writing about these two. English isn't my native language, errors may occur.

Bugust. Day 15. Sense (Buggy x OC). Fight, sadness, love wins.

"My blue-haired love, I brought us wine." Catherine opened the door to the kitchen and saw Buggy eating pasta. "What are you doing?"

"Eating. I'm hungry." He shrugged, twirling spaghetti around his fork.

"How could you do that?" Catherine said, practically sobbing. "Do you have a conscience?"

"What did I do? In my defense I can say that this is so fucking delicious! Oh, I want a beer." Buggy sent his hand to the fridge and grabbed a bottle.

"Aren't you embarrassed by anything? Two plates, glasses, candles. Did something go off in your fucking head?"

"I don't know." Buggy took a sip of beer. "Is this your favorite candlelit dinner?"

"Screw you, fucking clown!" Catherine waved at him. "I don't want to talk to you." She walked out of the kitchen without a word.

"Oh, come on! Cotton candy!" Buggy shouted and heard nothing in response.

After he finished his pasta, grabbed a beer, and went into the living room, where he saw Catherine sitting on the couch, holding the remote control.

"Everything was so fucking good, Cathie-pie." Buggy tried to kiss her cheek, but she pulled away sharply. "What's wrong?"

Catherine silently changed the channels of the television.

"Oh. Leave the sports channel." Buggy was about to settle comfortably on the couch when she changed the channel, and he saw a shoal of anchovies on the screen. "Can you hear me, woman?"

Catherine was silent.

"God, the queen has a grudge against me." Buggy leaned back on the couch and folded his leg over his foot. "Come on, cotton candy, talk to me." He placed his hand on Catherine's shoulder, but she threw his arm off.

"How could you forget?!" Catherine muttered under her breath.

"What did I do?"

"You ate all the damn pasta, Buggy." Catherine could feel herself starting to lose her temper.

"And?" He rounded his eyes. "I was hungry."

"And? That's it? Just "and?" I can't believe that you forgot that It's been three months since you made me pasta for the first time, you idiot. I told you that yesterday." She felt tears welling up in her eyes. "I made us a festive dinner!"

"Fuck, Catherine, you have so many anniversaries. For every little thing. Nothing bad happened."

"Nothing bad happened. Yeah. Just admit that you don't care about me, Buggy. I'm the one who has to tiptoe around you. Oh, Buggy's getting sad, I should be there for him. Oh, he's having a special day, I should be there for him. I don't know if you can't or won't remember the little things that matter to me." Catherine got up off the couch and went into the bedroom.

"It's just one stupid anniversary! Cotton candy! Catherine! Come back!" He shouted after her. "Fuck, good job, Buggy." He muttered to himself. "Why the hell did you say all that? Idiot! How could you forget? You've been recording everything on your phone. Shit! The reminder on my phone didn't work. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Maybe she will calm down now and come back to you? He-e-ey, my Buggy Bear, sorry. Uh-huh. Do you wanna try and wait? Oh, let's do better! Let's wait till she packs up and leaves you. Is that what you want? You finally have someone who understands and loves you. Get your clown ass up and go to the bedroom."

Buggy muttered, got up off the couch, and walked toward the bedroom door. He gently opened it and saw Catherine sitting in a chair. Her gaze was downcast, eyes glazed over with unshed tears that threatened to spill forth at any moment. The once-vibrant spark in her eyes had been extinguished, replaced by a dull, listless expression that betrayed the turmoil raging inside. Buggy approached the chair and didn't know what to say. A tense silence hung in the air, palpable and heavy, as he slowly lowered himself onto the chair.

"Hi." He said quietly.

"Go away, Buggy." Catherine wiped her eyes.

"But..."

"I said go away." Catherine buried her face in the plush pillow.

Buggy sighed and strode to the door, shuffling his feet.

Catherine raised her head and looked at the plush octopus on the windowsill. "Good for you, Catherine. Why did you say all that nonsense? Especially that line about tiptoeing. Should I go apologize? But how could he forget what you said to him last night? Maybe he doesn't care about me at all. No, don't you dare even think that. You know he loves you. In his sometimes weird way, and sometimes he forgets little things, but he loves you."

Catherine sat in the chair, feeling sorrowful, as she heard sounds coming from the kitchen. She ducked her head into the plush pillow again and sat like that until a hand gently tapped her shoulder.

"I told you to leave me alone, Buggy" Catherine looked up and saw an empty room. A hand appeared from behind the door jamb and waved a finger at her.

"Damn you and your chop chop thing." Catherine giggled and followed the hand.

As she entered the kitchen, the soft patter of her footsteps alerted Buggy to her presence. Glancing up from the task at hand, his eyes met hers, a silent acknowledgement of her arrival. There, by the sturdy wooden table, Buggy stood with a plate before him, delicately arranging strands of freshly cooked pasta. As Catherine drew closer, she could see the concentration etched on Buggy's features, his brow furrowed in a look of deep focus. It was a ritual he performed countless times, every time he screwed up.

"Your excuse mac and sausage?" Catherine crossed her arms, trying to suppress a smile as she glanced at the table. She saw how each noodle was carefully placed on the plate.

"You know that other than that, I can't really cook anything." Buggy scratched his head. "I do care about you, cotton candy. I remember little things that matter to you."

"Yeah, like what?" Catherine barked quietly. "Because sometimes I feel like you only keep me here to amuse your little Buggy."

"He's not lit--" Buggy scratched his cheek. "Like.. You like eating little marshmallows while you lie in the bathtub. They're pink and white. You have a box of chocolate chip cookies stashed in your drawer at all times, and you keep another one under your mattress. You like reading in bed while sipping lavender tea with ginger. And so now I buy it for you all the time, and you know I don't like lavender. It smells weird. And.. and at the amusement park, you most often choose lavender or blue cotton candy. You hug that stupid pink octopus when you talk about your sister or with her, and that's the only reason that stuffed asshole is still here. And I also remember all the anniversaries, but honestly, I don't want to show you how I remembered it, but if you really want to.." Buggy blushed and pulled his phone out of the pocket.

"No, I don't want to put pressure on you. Surprise me next time, okay?" Catherine came closer to Buggy, picked up his cell phone to put it back in his pocket. "Oh, there's a message here for you from Cabaji. He says he's coming over later tomorrow because he picked up a girl at the bar." Catherine chuckled and handed Buggy the phone. "You must miss those times? The carefree clown who just hung out with the girls."

"You like mocking me, right? Don't make me state the obvious, you little shit." Buggy gently put his hand on her back.

Catherine immediately wrapped her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry. I said too much. I don't think so. I like taking care of you and supporting you when I need to."

"I don't know what you're talking about, cotton candy. I didn't hear anything." Buggy kissed the top of her head.

"Liar." Catherine sighed. "I'm hungry. Let's eat your wonderful pasta." She kissed him on his cheek. "I'm sorry again. I'm so sorry."

"Forget it." Buggy took her hand and smacked it. "Are you still mad at me?"

"A little. But I'll forgive you if we go for a walk after dinner."

"Fine." Buggy rolled his eyes. "Let's go for your stupid walk."