#where i was trying to figure out what the foursome ~dynamic would be like

[dykephan]

please elaborate on the period of time when they didn’t leave their rooms and didn’t talk to each other 👀

okay okay let me be clear this is 100% speculation and i'm perfectly fine with being wrong or people disagreeing with me because i'm here for the sillies and i don't usually like to get into real "theories" but this takes up space in my brain for some reason. anyway that's my long disclaimer let's get into it :D

first we need a timeline for this to make sense. dan officially moved in with phil in manchester in august of 2011. this is when their public personas slowly started to become more polished and less personal. dan had just dropped out of law school, so youtube was his full time career now. they started diversifying their income with things like the super amazing project, their first merch line, and the fantastic foursome (which was created because they partnered with vyou, the livestream service). on christmas of 2011, they had their very first guest appearance on bbc radio 1.

all this is to say, things were moving FAST for them as they went into 2012. they were both trying to figure out how they wanted to be perceived online and, in particular, how they wanted to approach joint content. i will never know what was going on behind the scenes, but i think their personal relationship took a hit because they never had time to enjoy living together before it was tainted. moving in with your partner can already make or break you, but add hundreds of thousands of brand new eyes watching you during this transitional period, and there had to be some tension.

while they were pursuing all these new career options, they were also trying to secure a job with the bbc. they've said before that they moved to london on a whim, basically just to prove that they were serious about their career and would do whatever it takes to get there. that happened in june of 2012. in my opinion, THIS is the turning point. because now they really had to drive home the point that they were just friends who live together out of convenience. they even had separate bedrooms with unique but opposite themes!

dan started his "customer service" blog where he would go on long long rants about shipping and his sexuality. and then in late 2012, the v/day video dropped again. it had already been quietly floating around, but now there were SO many more people out there to see it. i'm sure i don't have to tell you how detrimental this was (especially the timing of it), so i won't dwell on it. but these are the real dark ages that come to mind immediately when you think of 2012. that christmas eve, they posted their last video for the super amazing project. the ending of this series stands out to me because it was almost the same formula as the 2018 hiatus -- they didn't officially close the door on it, they just let it fade away. on christmas, they had their second special on bbc radio 1. and in january of 2013, they finally started their own recurring show.

OKAY SO HERE'S MY THEORY, SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG LMAO

i think that sometime in late 2012, they separated/broke up/took a break, something like that. however, they had just moved to london (a huge risk) and were already planning on doing the radio show together. they knew neither of them could've gotten hired by themselves, because it was their dynamic & their collective fans that were so interesting to the bbc. their lives had already become so intertwined (hell, dan wouldn't have even started youtube if it weren't for phil convincing him to take the leap), and on top of that, i think they always cared about each other deeply and didn't want to give up. but i do think they needed space and time to cope with all these huge huge life events that were coming at them so quickly.

this is not even mentioning their mental health which i don't really want to get into, except that years later dan would talk about how his depression was completely untreated. and if there's anything we know about him, it's that he gets defensive and isolates himself in times of turmoil. (btw i'm not trying to pick on dan here, it's just that we know far less about phil's inner workings)

so in early 2013 when dan would say things like "i only talk to phil in videos/at work, we don't hang out otherwise", i think there's some kernel of truth in there. it didn't last long, but i do believe there was a time where they kept to themselves and gave each other room to breathe as much as they could while living together and working together 24/7. but once they found their footing with the radio show and youtube at the same time, the vibe between them steadily got better and better. they settled into their respective brands, which could be restricting at times, but at least it allowed them some separation between work and life. and by the time they wrapped up the radio show in early 2015, they knew where they wanted to go with their careers and they were solid enough in each other to accomplish that.

basically, i think the big difference between 2012 and 2018 are the private dynamic between dan and phil. things were rocky between them in 2012 and it showed. but in 2018 and onwards, things might have been rocky on the professional front, but it was clear that dan and phil as people were working things out together, quite literally building for the future ;-; they learned how to prioritize themselves after many years of not doing that

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut

Reblog this if you want readers to come into your ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines. 

Seeing as I’ve just finished reading part 5 of Under Orders I want to ask you about it.

One thing I love about your stories is that you have what I think is a great understanding of psychology and power dynamics in sexual relationships (I’m explaining this very poorly, sorry) And you manage to communicate these things very well in your stories. I appreciate it a lot because I am totally clueless about these things.

Example is when reader understands what Sy’s place is in her little universe. It’s a couple of paragraphs and, even if it’s in the middle of a pretty amazing sex scene, it is just so RIGHT. Like, I know reader is me but I had the same epiphany as her!

So please give us any insight or info on how the addition of Sy to this little universe came to be or where it’s going?

Thank you so much for this question!!!!! I love it. Let me put this under a cut because it's a little bit of an essay...

Partly because I get to blame @deandoesthingstome without thinking twice, because it's 2100% her fault that Sy even made an appearance in this series! She started this, it's her fault, she did it, it wasn't me, Charlie's responsible, I was powerless against her charms.

(I know damn well I didn't have to write it, like... She didn't put a gun to my head, I was free to do whatever I wanted. And apparently, after a whole ass while... This is what I wanted.)

Now, I'm not denying Sy is hot stuff, okay? I'm not even going to bother pretending that I wouldn't think twice about taking that beard for a ride if I was ever presented with the opportunity.

But he's not my go-to guy, and probably never will be, which definitely didn't help in figuring out his place in this arrangement — which is when I realized that trying to force him into it the way I was trying to do was never going to work, and that there was a strong possibility that reader would be having the same struggle when it came to that subject.

And so, Charlie is still waiting on that hot foursome, and I still have hopes that it will happen some day, but I really do need to stick to my usual approach and let my characters do the talking instead of trying to force them into something they're not ready for.

And to a degree I think the research and understanding of these dynamics make that even more difficult. Because I want to get it right. I need it to make sense.

Because I know August "Will Kill For Her" Walker loves reader and doesn't want to hold her back, so he knew he had to give her the space to explore it. He knows she loves him and he's certain this won't come between him and reader because he trusts her like he's never trusted anyone in his life.

... Except maybe Walter, who he's known for years (since college). He decided to share the woman he loves with his best friend. And he doesn't trust Sy that way.

Walter isn't exactly a quick study when it comes to trusting someone, either. So I know there's a relationship to be built there.

Like, the objective going in was "write porn" but sometimes (most of the time) that's not enough (for me. It's a perfectly valid way to write, of course!!! But I do need to know why they're fucking, and in this specific case there's the issue of how it impacts everyone else involved in this relationship.)

I'm also lucky enough to have a bunch of wonderful queer friends, and some of them tell me all the lovely tales (and the drama! So. much. drama) of their lovely non-monogamous relationships, and it's taught me a lot.

And, in a way, this fic has taught me a lot. Because it was never supposed to turn into this polycule. It was supposed to be a relationship between reader and August, and a more or less platonic arrangement between reader and Walter — until it wasn't. And with the addition of Sy, there's a whole new side of this relationship to explore. One I'm really excited about, and really eager to delve deeper into.

I know not all of their story has been told yet.

So I guess what I'm really trying to say is... Thank you, Charlie!

[ferryboatpeak]

Your latest chapter of tomrry is so heartbreakingly good and I just reread it and JFC it's so 🔥! But this line, this line is perfection "Harry is the same in bed or out of it. Wanting everything, wanting it all at once, opening his arms wide and joyously pulling it all in. It would seem selfish or greedy if it was anybody else, but on Harry it just seems scaled, like the bigness of what he wants has to match the bigness of what he is."

oh, gosh, thanks! I thought that bit might be Too Much so I really appreciate hearing that you liked it.

[dedkake]

always getting into trouble | an explicit sga ot4 reclist

some that make me emotional about john

Stuff by Isagel | 8.5k, e

Team orgy, team love. Through John's eyes.

Team Dynamics by Resonant | 4.5k, e

Ronon has a request, Teyla has a rule, John has issues, and Rodney has his doubts.

Crawling Out From The Inside by torakowalski | 5.4k, e

Another planet, another kinky sex ritual. The fact that John's now in a position to think that makes him wonder exactly what sort of karma he built up in a past life.

some that  make me emotional about ronon

Five Times Ronon Dex Slept with a Teammate by Kajikia | 4.9k, e

Written for the Ronon Ficathon, for ifylla, who requested first time porn.

Forty Days by thingswithwings | 7.2k, e

"Yeah, I don't know," Rodney agreed, hitting something with a wrench and then jolting back as blue sparks came out of a different crystal. "It's not like I want to coerce him into having sex with us or abandoning the cultural traditions of his now-dead home planet or anything, but jeez, forty days?"

some where they’re just giving john what he needs

drugged by 30toseoul | 1k, e

By the time they got back to their quarters, John was shaking so hard he could barely walk.

Lay Me Down by Telesilla | 1.7k, e

Every time they wanted to do something for John or to make him the center of attention, he somehow managed to distract one of them.

Beyond by Ladycat | 2.5k, e

John is face-down on the bed, ass high in the air. He is quite naked. Rodney is still clothed, sitting beside John with his fingers moving lazily in and out of John’s ass, completely engrossed in the tablet on his lap.

It’s quite a picture.

Let Your Body Move You by Telesilla | 2.5k, e

But sometimes, when there's time and they have a nice long free evening stretched out ahead of them with no obligations whatsoever, John gets passed around from one of his team to the next, like he's a toy with no other purpose in life but to be played with.

better living through accessories by 30toseoul | 1.2k, e

When Teyla called you on the private team channel and told you to get home immediately, you hauled ass and didn't ask questions.

I Can Have This by Telesilla | 1.4k

John's lovers give him the gift of a nice, safe, sane, consensual gangbang.

Voyager by esteefee | 2.9k, e

John takes a trip without leaving their bed.

That Kinda Lovin’ by Sharkie335 | 2.8k, e

"You can say no, of course," she says. "But I suspect that you will not."

some longer ones

Healing Station Argh by Toft | 13k, e

A story about the benefits of cultural exchange, contraception, the downsides to television stardom, and what counts as pre-watershed in the Pegasus galaxy.

Just As Complicated As It Sounds by mific | 24.8k, e

"John had noticed it at the village meeting. Unlike the smaller nuclear family groups he’d been used to from parties for company employees his father had thrown when he still lived at home, here, the family clusters were larger and centered around four, not two. He was constantly seeing the couples within them – two women holding hands, or the guys from a foursome with an arm around each others’ shoulders. Always trying in his head to work out the permutations and combinations, figure out who was morning and who was evening. Who was fucking whom.

He shook his head. He didn’t even know what this morning and evening shit meant, but he was obsessed with it. Obsessed by what it would mean if his team were like the Ki’O. A sedoretu."

[afaimsarrowverse]

Arrowverse: My 25 Favorite Fan-Ships

After doing my favorite Canon-Ships, here are my favorite Non-Canon-Ships of the Arrowverse. Like always . This is my blog, this is my list, it is in no way objective, everyone is entiled to their own opinion, so please don’t reblog or answer just to tell me how much you disagree with me. You can’t quantify love, well except with stupid lists like this, just because a ship is not on this list does not mean I don’t like it - except when it does - so…. yeah, here we go

  25. Snowbertallen (Caitlin Snow/Julian Albert/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at in: The Flash Season 3

 While I don’t really see Caitlin and Barry as a romantic pairing, both of them did work quite well with Julian and in a world where Barry couldn’t save Iris, I actually could see him ending up with those two instead. I always wanted to write a fic about that but never came around to, but this threesome exists in my Arrowmultiverse – read „Multiversity“.

 24.  Coldwestallen (Leonard Snart/Iris West/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at in: The Flash Season 2-3

 This is one of my ships, maybe a little bit guilty pleasure, and I can’t really see this happening in canon, but before I decided to bring Eddie back, I was toying with this idea as endgame for my A/B/O-Arrowverse, after all Leonard works very well with both of them, so yeah, I definifly loved this ship.

 23.  Kalex (Kara Danvers/Lex Luthor)

 Hinted at: Crisis on Infinite Earths, Supergirl Season 4-5

 I discovered this one for me during „Crisis on Infinite Earths“ and was like … why is this ship not more prominent, I mean after all there where some hints of it before. In any way their chemistry is great and it’s a shame that pretty much everyone has given up or fled the Supergirl-Fandom at this point so no one is going to write anything about them any time soon. But maybe someone will once try a Crisis-AU where they will be found.

 22.  Karry (Kara Danvers/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: Worlds Finest, Invasion, Duet, Crisis on Infnite Earths, Elseworlds, Crisis on Infinite Earths

 I actually prefer them as besties, because they each have an actual True Love in their own universe, but like anyone else, I love them together. They are probably to simelar to work as a couple on the long run, but as female partners for Barry go, Kara is definitfly up there at the top.

 21. BloodArrow (Sebastian Blood/Oliver Queen)

 Hinted at: Arrow Season 2

 I discovered this while working on a Sebastian Blood Oneshot. I reread „Vengance“ and worked their relationship out and remembered how much I always regretted losing Sebastian at this point of his storyline, because those two had a connection. A better one than Laurel and Sebastian actually, and in many ways Oliver was more of an actual Love Interest for Sebastian than Laurel. Not that Ollie would ever go for this, but Sebastian might have. Who knows?

 20.  Tauriver (Tommy Merlyn/Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen)

 Hinted at: Arrow Season 1

 Back in Season 1 I shipped this, because I don’t really believe in love triangles between three people that geniunily love each other. So this would have been the obvious solution. If Oliver and Tommy would just haved shared Laurel or touched it other as well, well, that would have been up to them. I think that given it’s Tommy, Oliver might have actually gone full in for this.

 19.  Timekid (Wally West/Rip Hunter)

 Hinted at: Legends of Tomororw Season 3

 After I saw Rip and Wally do karaoke and get wasted together I was expecting a load of fics, but somehow this pairings seems to have eluded almost everyone. Maybe because no one really cares about Wally? Or because Rip was in bad standing in the middle of that Season? I don’t know, but for me this was a non-brainer.

 18.  Saramaya (Sara Lance/Amaya Jiwe)

 Hinted at: Legends of Tomorrow Season 2-3

 I really don’t know why everyone is going on about Kendra and Sara, when they could be going on about this ship were there is actual tension and actual chemistry there. And Doomworld. Don’t forget Doomworld. Where those two totally did it, you can’t change my mind about that.

 17.  Toliver (Tommy Merlyn/Oliver Queen)

 Hinted at: Arrow Season 1-8

 This ship kept coming and going in my mind, because aren’t Oliver and Tommy more like brothers and than like lovers? In the end I saw the potential for a romantic love between them and stettled on it as something that could have been very interesting if done right. I dabbled a little bit with TommyX in that pairing, but why not real Tommy as well?

 16.  Monwinn (Mon-El/Winn Schott)

 Hinted at: Supergirl Season 2-3, It’s a Super Life

 To bad Winn came back married to someone that isn’t Mon-El, because this is what should have happened, you know? Of course Kara is Mon-Els One True Love, but he and Winn were always great together, and given Winn is open minded and Daxamites are not hetero normative this was what we would have wanted after losing both of them in the same episode of the show.

 15.  Kanvers (Kate Kane/Kara Danvers)

 Hinted at: Elseworlds, Crisis on Infinite Earths, The one and only Season of Batwoman

 I figured out why certain hate groups afflilated with „Supergirl“ hate Kate so much (It took me quite some time to rap my head around this), it’s because Kate is Karas only canonical female love interest and those people just can’t stand that thought. Now sady as gone for good as Batmoore Kanvers was what I would have originally wanted for Kara after it became clear that Mon-El was not coming back to the show. I mean I love Kate, and Kara did flirt back, so why the hell not?

 14.  Irivarry (Iris West/Oliver Queen/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 1, Invasion, Crisis on Earth-X, Elseworlds

 While I stumbled over quite a few fics that include Oliver, Felicity, and Barry, I never really found this one, even though it’s much more obvious to me. After all this was set up way back in the first season of „The Flash“ and especially in Season 5 and a certain part of Season 7 of „Arrow“ I felt that it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch for Oliver to visit our favourite Canon-Pairing in Central City and crash on their couch indefinitly which would lead too many interesting things among them this threesome. And yes, again a fic I never got around to write.

 13.  Atomsteelwavevixen (Ray Palmer/Nate Heywood/Mick Rory/Amaya Jiwe)

 Hinted at: Legends of Tomorrow Season 2-3

 I prefere Steelatom and Vixenwave as bros, but as a foursome those four rock the libido and the Waverider. Given how much I do ship Atomwave and Vixensteel and that I also do ship Steelwave und Atomvixen that shouldn’t be a surprise, and you should know by now, that I do believe more partners make (fictional) relationships easier instead of more complicated.

 12. Captains3 (Sara Lance/Rip Hunter/Leonard Snart)

 Hinted at: Legends of Tomorrow Season 1

 Given that Sara and Rip, Sara and Leonard, and Leonard and Rip would not last together, my solution to this would be to get together as a threesome. Which was after all my endgame in my biggest Fanfiction-Verse and turned out to be a smashing idea.

 11.  Eobarry (Eobard Thawne/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 1-6 (so far)

 Fanboy Eobard might have come to hate Barry, but a part of him never stopped loving the scarlet speedster as we all know. What kind of love that was may have varied, but this kind was probably among it, and I think that if he would prove to Barry that he could change Barry would always give him a chance, because that’s after all who Barry is.

 10.  GreenAtom (Oliver Queen/Ray Palmer)

 Hinted at: Arrow Season 3-4, Legends of Tomorrow Season 1, Crisis on Infinite Earths

 A very underapprecaited ship that I love dearly. Ray und Oliver together have so much potential. I dabbled a little bit with that, but only few other ever did. Ray would basically be a better version of Felicity, having all what the fans love about their dynamic, but none of the issues that come with her. Also Oliver would date another hero, which is always a plus.

 9.      Elongflash (Ralph Dibny/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 4-6

 I frankly never understood why people did not ship them more and there are so little fanfics about those two, I mean it’s a classic love story really. Attraction first, misunderstanding leading to years of silence, meeting again and talking it out, becoming friend and eventually more. I did dabble with it a bit and wish others would have taken to that ship around Season 4 already and not only in the last couple of years.

 8.      Allenbert (Barry Allen/Julian Albert)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 3

 For a long time I thought that that would be the reveal about Julians problem with Barry. Appearantly so did the actors. Or at least they wished it were. Their hate-love was so enjoyable and fans had their fun with this at least but could have had more fun still. Tom mentoned that was ready to come back to the show sometime back, and while I have little hope for that I still want it to happen so that we can get more interaction between them on screen.

 7.      Winniac-5 (Winn Schott/Brainiac-5)

 Hinted at: Supergirl Season 3 and Season 5

 I am one out of two persons in the world who ships this, but I ship it hard. I wanted Winn to have love, but after it became clear that the actress who played his Season 2 love interest wasn’t coming back, it probably had also become clear that Jeremy did plan on leaving the show, so the writers didn’t bother anymore, but Brainy crashed so beautifully with him so I picked him for that role. And even though I love Nia and Brainia I love Winniac-5 more.

 6.      Olivarry (Oliver Queen/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: Arrow Season 2-3, The Flash Season 1, Legends of Yesterday/Today, Invasion, Crisis on Earth-X, Elseworlds, Crisis on Infinite Earths, Arrow Season 7-8

 As unlucky as Olivers love life is, maybe that’s the case because the actual love of his life happens to be a man, which he is not willing to admit to himself of course. I mean we all remember the joke about Barry wanting to date Oliver and agree on that probably being true, but Oliver cleary is kind of in love with Barry too. He has been very different with him than most if not all other males in his life so there definitifly is something going on there.

 5.      Coldflash (Leonard Snart/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 1-3, Legends of Tomorrow Season 1-2, Invasion

 Leonard flirts with everything that moves, but Barry has a special place in his heart and we all love that. Leonard ist a player however, and makes sure everyone knows that, but if there is one person out there who he would be willing to change for it would probably be Barry. If only they weren’t mortal frenemies and Leonard wasn’t – you know – dead.

 4.      Thallen (Eddie Thawne/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 1-3

 Barry und Eddie were crushing hard on each other, there is no denying that. They even had a moment onscreen where the tension between them was aknowleged (remember the sofa-scene?). I saw a pretty accurate joke about the Season 1 love triangle once which stated that Iris felt guilty about having feelings for Barry while dating Eddie, while Eddie at the same time was doodeling Eddie Allen in his notebook and that really nails it, doesn’t it?

 3.      Timecanary (Rip Hunter/Sara Lance)

 Hinted at: Legends of Tomororw Season 1-3

 Sara has many admirers onscreen and out of all her many suitors Rip is the one I would want to see her ending up with. If he wasn’t dead, that is. Rip kind of had a thing for her from day one on and during Season 2 she seemed to realize that she had feelings for him too, but sadly Season 3 ripped them apart (pardon the pun) in every possible way. But there is still fanfic. I just wish there were more of it with them as the main couple.

 2.      Atomwave (Ray Palmer/Mick Rory)

 Hinted at: Legends of Tomorrow Season 1-5, Crisis on Infinite Earths

 This is my Legends-OTP and I am still not over the fact that Ray is out of the show and so is this ship! When Iris und Barry got together on „The Flash“ even my brother was like: „Wait a moment … Barry und Iris are a couple, that means Mick still has a shot to get Ray next season!“ So yeah, no one could deny that their relationship was very prominent in the first two seasons. Sadly it faded in the backround when Ray met Nora Darhk, but in my opinion this would have been the much healthier endgame for him, which is why you find traces of this ship in pretty much all of my Arrowverse Fanfics.

  1.      Westhallen (Iris West/Eddie Thawne/Barry Allen)

 Hinted at: The Flash Season 1-3

 This is how you solve a love triangle, that does not need to be one, when all three parties have certain feelings for all the other members of the triangle: Just get them all together. I mean I love Westhawne, I love Thallen, and I love Westallen, but most of all I love Westhallen. Too bad poly is still a taboo in TV, and don’t get me started on the sin of killing of Eddie and never ever bringing him back not even an alternate version of him or something like that, but yeah in my heart those three were happy with each other and when Eddie died both Iris und Barry lost the man they loved. (And sometimes they got him back and other times they never lost him at all).

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 2: “In all seriousness, I think I’m just stupid.” - Mo

Oop, so Madeline went bye bye without hitch. And Mitch lol sort of popped off a bit which turned out rub some people the wrong way.

Well as long as it doesn’t endanger me, it’s ok. Except for the fact that Michael brought up my name to Julia as a potential target just because we haven’t had good talks.

Honestly tho, talking to Michael is hard because he’s like a robot or whatever. He really is a big blue robot or whatever.

Right now, I think I’m in a good spot to not be that worried on Michael. I’ve got an alliance with Jason and Julia. Though we haven’t solidified a duo or whatever, Jared and I are working together as well probably. I’m getting closer with Ali and Benji and I have had talks of watching each other’s back.

So far the potential targets if we lose are Mitch and Noah. I have talks with Mitch and I think he’s sort of a lose cannon but right now he trusts me I think so yeah. People are leaning towards Noah because he talks the least with people.

But I do hope we win immunity, UgH!! I blame Drew for not putting me on a dominating tribe grrrr where’s the monte Rosa winning streak power when you need it.

AHHHHHH BEEEP BOOOP BEEEP BOOP. This twist sucks. There is a power dynamic that is going on.  Julia, Ben , Ali , and I are in an alliance. Seperataly though. I don't think they are aware of how much strategy I talk with Julia (which is how we want it). It seems Ian Jason are the biggest threats since they are liked and have numbers. BUT I CANT TAKE THEM OUT BECAUSE OF THE TWIST AHDHEUEJIDKD. So it seems Mitch is the target but I can't let Ian and Jason stay too long otherwise I am fucked. It's only a matter of time before they realize what I'm doing and I become a target (maybe even next tribal). BEEEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP

So last tribal went super smooth. Madeleine bye girl, but you were a ticking time bomb and you needed to go. And you also threw MY precious name out to Jared. In my first confessional I said I didn't want you here, and I got what I wanted. Now we are on this round. A puzzle challenge for immunity? Seriously? This has me FUCKED up boo. But I don't know weather to worry or not about tribal council. Last round, after I stirred the pot a bunch for the Madeleine vote she had an elaborate plan to get Mitch out that I myself pressured her into doing. I let Mitch know about her plan and at tribal shit got interesting. He blew the fuck up on the girl. And this was beautiful. It put a target on his back. So I might just be in the clear. His name will definitely be brought up just for that. This tribe doesn't like crazy explosive people (lol me in crossroads). But I also have gotten so far on this idol board, I might have the chance to snatch that bitch up. Lets pray everything goes well for me!!!

I realize in hindsight that im coming off as really mean in my confessional, but it was just like,,, in the moment? Yk??? A more concise version - usually when people like JJ fly high and take control early on, people get mad and they crash and burn really quick. So as much as it might break my heart, I might have to let that happen.

Forgot to mention thoughts on relationship statuses atm: Jules says she trusts me Alex says he trusts me Mo says he trusts me JJ says he trusts me Tom is iffy but I feel like we have a stronger relationship? Especially if he’s closer with JJ (which I personally believe he is) he’ll feed him info that’ll go back to me I have a good relationship with evan for the most part ? We talk on and off but we’re both just busy lol Caeleb my grandson/angel and I have a great relationship - we talk about Pokémon a lot Willow and I are iffy but like a fun iffy And David is the most innactive, but we bond over not talking on calls sometimes

So first things first thank GOD we won immunity I was not getting good vibes from people so I think I would been gone. Anyhoot, I definetly feel like there is an alliance already formed between Tom and JJ for sure and then possibly Jones Jules and lets throw in Alex, Those 5 seemed to be so comfortable and non scrambly this past tribal that im SUS. Going into this challenge wowie a math puzzle, not good for me and it showed! I definitely think we are losing now so I really have to push the vote for like Evan maybe because a bitch wants to stay and he's probably more inactive than I. Listen guys I really want to be on more but as Rihanna said I just gotta Work Work Work Work Work Work so that's that on that. I just hope they let this bitch stay!

Okay so let's get INTO this:

I know that my biggest weakness is the fact that I don't do a great job at times of talking to people. Ever since Day 1 though I've been making a solid effort to speak to every single person on my tribe two or three times every day.

So let's start with the first reward challenge. I tried really hard because I wanted to make a good first impression challenge wise. I feel like if you put in a solid performance in the first challenge, your tribe will be more understanding if you struggle in a future challenge.

As soon as I saw the flag part of the first immunity challenge, I knew that we were going to probably lose it no matter what, and there was strategy behind me wanting to take it on. Everyone on my tribe was already hyping up the fact that the other tribe had that part in the bag, so I knew that if I put in a solid effort and lost, it would be seen as "He stepped up for us and tried hard even though he had no shot" rather than "he fucked it up for us". I had to step on Madeleine's toes and kind of be rude to make sure that I got to do the flag, but that didn't really concern me since nobody seemed to like her anyway?

Now when it came to the first vote of the season, pretty much the whole damn tribe told me they wanted to do Madeleine. I think the fact that she really didn't talk to anyone until she NEEDED to is what played a major part in her elimination. Honestly, I didn't really like her at all LMAO, so I didn't mind seeing her go home.

The fact that Madeleine was already basically screwed and confirmed to go home was great bc it gave me the opportunity to take advantage of that situation for myself and build up my trust/credibility with other people. Madeleine came to me just a couple of hours before the voting deadline with her plan to get a group of people to vote against Mitch and send him home. I basically just was like "yasss I agree that's a great plan sis omg you're MIND". I asked for a list of who her 'numbers' were before agreeing to vote with her, and of course with her being desperate, she had no choice but to comply. Sis sent me a whole ass list of her alleged allies, and I was gagged becuase literally all of them had been shit talking her and saying that they were voting her out ALL DAY.

I took that information to Mitch and let him know about her plan, which gained me some brownie points and trust building with him. And then I went to the people she listed and was sort of like "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that she's going around telling people who she thinks you're voting for". Overall, I think that Madeleine's messiness really benefited me and my connections with the tribe.

Following Madi's elimination, if I had to rank my tribemates in terms of who I trust most to least, it would work out like this:

1) Julia 2) Ali 3) Mitch 4) Jason 5) Ben 6) Jared 7) Ian 8) Michael

Julia, Ali, Mitch & Jason interact with me the most. They always respond when I message them to start a conversation, and they aren't shy about hitting me up and initiating conversations. Ben, Jared & Ian won't really initiate conversations with me, but if I message them first they'll always message me back pretty quickly and engage with me. With Madeleine gone, Michel is now the most difficult for me to socialize with. Our conversations tend to die quickly if I don't put in maximum effort, which is kind of annoying, but I'll keep trying because I relaly don't want to end up like Madi and have everyone vote me out because I didn't try with them.

I'm kind of nervous at the moment with this vote just bc nobody is really giving me names yet? I'm hoping that the reason why is that they are waiting for tomorrow morning and just don't want to throw out names too early. I feel a bit like Sandra in the sense that as long as it's not me, I don't care. I'm not sacrificing my game for ANY of these people. That's what I love about these TS orgs; these people aren't my friends and I don't feel bad at all about sending any of them home LOL.

I'm really hoping to form a more formal alliance soon, but I want to be VERY cautious. I'd rather keep it small with just a few people that I trust not to go throwing me under the bus and leaking shit. An ideal situation would be me, Julia, Ali & Mitch as a strong foursome, but I need to talk to them separately as individuals first and try to figure out if any of them are already in group chats/alliances before I try to pull them into a commitment. The last thing I want is to try to form an alliance with people that are already set in other groups.

Anyway, I'm just going to try to continue being super social and hope that it plays out in my favor. BTW this twist is evil and I despite it, but I'm just going to have to work with it and adapt.

tom was really drunk and messaged me all these nice things so i really want to make him my ally now even though he's messy!!!

Well, today we probably lost the competition. Considering I was 4x faster than my maze partner. Willow doesn't know how to do math. David probably hasn't done his competition.

But in the same light, Evan and I did really well in our competitions. So, who knows? I might actually like to lose a competition. It would be interesting to see if people's heads are actually where they say they are.

I’m so upset, I always get fucking challenges in games that I CAN’T do I don’t know how to do it. Then we talk about our scores and Evan was like oh I did it in a minute but I could of done it quicker if I had a mouse and I’m just like I SCORED 16 MINUTES AND IM FINE BECAUSE I DIDN'T SCORE OVER TWENTY MINUTES.

In all seriousness I think I’m just stupid. Like when I was doing the challenge I was confident. I always go in with a “I’m gonna do great!” attitude and then I hear about how well the others did and it’s like getting hit by a car.

I'd also like to give an update on how I feel about everybody in this game.

Alex seems like he's the person I'd like to work with most, but he also seems the most hesitant to commit to any kind of long term alliance. Jules & Jones are really difficult to tell apart, but they're both lovely people. They seem to be super open to working together, and they both compliment me out the butt hole. Tom is really sweet. He seems to be very easily woo'd by attention and compliments, which shouldn't be too difficult. He's like. Super cute and very fun to talk to. Mo is cool, we share a lot of the same sense of humor, lots of the same references. Its also super comforting that he's also on the same timezone as I am. Evan seems really cool. I feel awful about never responding to his messages on time, which could really hurt my game. Caeleb is so fuckin cute. Like he's just a wholesome lil bean, I don't know how he's going to survive in such a cutthroat game like survivor. Maybe that's his strategy, have everyone underestimate him. Maybe he's scary and spooky. ^ Y'all really got me out here talking like a tumblrina.. Anyways, onto Willow. We seem to have the same conversation everyday and it never really goes anywhere. Awkwardddd. For David, whenever he does go on call, he never talks, and it just becomes this awkward silence, he really brings down tribe morale.

https://youtu.be/71NJ9oc-WrI <- Video didn’t embed

Video afterthoughts: According to Alex JJ seems more interested in the idea of a swap happening and is now turning onto the idea of voting David? I’m gonna actually talk to jules about how they feels tho bc they said they trust me and I wanna like,, show the trust in return? I want them to feel good w me as much as I feel good w them

It seems like me and Julia created the vote once again, and AGAIN it is not traced back to us. Michael is under the impression he created the vote (lol) which is good for us, no blood on our hands. The reasoning behind planting Mitch and Michael as targets into people's head was to see how they scrambled so we could flush every alliance. We now know Mitch and Michael are working together. If all goes well it should be unanimous (if we even had to go to tribal).

We didn't go to tribal the first time around so David got to stick around. I have an odd feeling that we didn't win immunity so tonight will be the actual chance to do so. I really do think it'll be him because he's so inactive and I think its best to keep our tribe active and playing rather than scrambling and weak. Plus I have talked to many people about it so it would be a pretty big blindside if it was someone else and I would be left aghast!

JJ is clearly an influencer in the tribe, and I think he likes me and wants to keep me around and I am perfectly fine being a number in his game. At least for the time being, because at this point that's a strong strategy for me. I think I am making real genuine connections that I can profit from, both strategically but also personally because we have some fun people here :).

okay so this is the end, hold your breath and count to ten. i'm going home. i can just sense it, its my time and i can feel it hap-hap-happenin'. the vote is theoretically noah, but everyone is going quiet so i think its me. my takeaways are that i was too wishywashy, and left myself vulnerable due to my poor social game.

in other news, if the vote is noah i will be SHOCKED. i think we will probs swap too, so we will see. I think it wont matter this is the end, I'm going byebye very very soon rippy rip!

https://youtu.be/KdBeFE1iYWg <- Video Confessional from Day 6

https://youtu.be/ZQZ1ktG2lU0 <- Tribal Council #2 Vote

(Both did not embed)

Day Numero 6; Honestly nothing is popping off in this game for me! So hard to type a confessional because i could be highly naive about my position in this game and i could be getting votes tonight but i have not heard any names except for david once again. 

[faemoria]

IS MY MUSE A SUB , DOM , OR SWITCH ?

        switch  ,  sub  ,  dom  ,  power bottom  ,  you name it  .  she finds power struggles exciting  ,  so if it befits the general mood to play as any  ,  you can probably expect that she won’t stay in one role the entire time  ,  even if it’s only for brief moments of flustering her partner(s)  .        but  ,  it’s also not a dynamic she needs to enjoy herself  .  if her partner(s) isn’t interested in such a dichotomy  ,  or too much makes them uncomfortable  , then she’s perfectly happy being more  .  .  .  idk  .  “ vanilla ”  ?  since she’s so empathetic  ,  she’s pretty good at reading what others want  .

WHAT WAS MY MUSE’S FIRST TIME LIKE ?

* drags my hands down my face *

         so tooth’s first time happened when she was around thirty . ( which i know sounds pretty old but keep in mind that she was just an angry child isolating herself in thailand with no interaction  &&  therefor no real growth in social maturity for much of her early life .   )   it was when she traveled to europe to do the whole sword reforging thing  && she stayed with the faeries helping her for about a year  .  the name of her partner was å synge med stjernelys who was  ,  in fact  ,  three faeries who identified as the same being  && it was a very gentle but it was also very  ,  very  ,  very weird experience  .  not as in  ,  it was weird because it was tooth’s first time  ,  but as in everything that faeries do is very Extra™  && surreal  && decidedly not-human  ,  with the fact that different kinds of faeries have different cultural practices of approaching sex to top it off  &&  this was theirs  .         honestly comparing it to an extreme drug trip wouldn’t be too far off the mark  .  but i suppose what matters in the end is that it was a positive experience  && the fact that it was so unconventional probably plaid a part in how comfortable she is with sex in general now  .

DOES MY MUSE PREFER TO BE ASKED ON A DATE ?

       i’m not exactly certain how best to explain this  ,  but toothiana doesn’t really go on ‘ dates ’ for the most part  ?  she simply doesn’t schedule the  specifics of spending time with other people  ,  merely categorizes it generally into ‘ things to do between my work ’ , which means she’ll just sort of  .  .  .  show up  &&  spend time with them  &&  do whatever they both decide they want to do  ,  or try to set the time aside if they do the same to her  .        so if someone is interested in organizing a ‘ date ’ with tooth , unless their relationship is already very well-established  ,  the best they’re probably going to get is  ‘  i will see you again soon  .  ’  which could mean anywhere between a few days later to months  .

WOULD TOOTH HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE ?

             considering the previous answer in regards to tooth having ‘dates’ I’m going to just substitute this for ‘the first time she meets someone’ in which case the answer is yes  .  very rarely  .  like only if it’s pretty clear that sexual interest is  all the attraction is   && there’s no point to beating around the bush  && what she’s doing at the moment is super unappealing/uninteresting  && running off with someone for a few hours would be an improvement .

HAS SHE EVER BEEN IN LOVE ?

           so many times  .  tooth falls in love in every manner of speaking very easily  ,   just by nature of how passionate a person she is  .  but she’s self aware of this  && it doesn’t really trouble her not to act on it or if it isn’t reciprocated  .  most of the time  .

WOULD TOOTH EVER BE UP FOR A THREESOME ?

          she lost her virginity in a foursome  .   this seems self explanatory  .

WHAT IS HER ROMANTIC/SEXUAL ORIENTATION ?

          ��tooth doesn’t identify as anything  .  she is older than the western gender binary  && scales of sexual orientation  ,  modern descriptions of such are things she can only point to as ‘close enough’ for the sake of keeping things simple to anyone who cares to know  .  && unfortunately I do not know enough about anthropology  && etymology to know what identities she would have used based on her childhood in ancient Thailand  ,  if any  .         but as far as writer’s prerogative goes  ,  she is pansexual  && panromantic  && a nonbinary woman  .  (  if a character is not interested in women I assume they will not be interested in tooth  )

WHAT ARE HER FETISHES/KINKS ?

          b l u H  .  this would be a long list  .  presumably this list would be longer than my entire knowledge of what kinks even exist because tooth has had approximately 100x the amount of time  &&  experience to figure this stuff out down to the most acute specifics  .  but here’s some of the general trash that comes to mind first : - power play  ,  obviously  .  does being an annoying little shit fall under this  ?  she honestly loves frustrating people so much  . - worship in either direction  .  pretty much spells itself out when it comes to a certain piece of garbage because they’re  .  .  . literally a king  &&  queen  .  but also stuff like admiring her wings if she trusts someone enough to touch them will make her really happy  . - Bondage  &&  Sensory Denial Lite™ i guess  ?  I feel like i just legitimately do not know the extent people will go to with these things  && that what she does would be considered child’s play to someone out there  .  but it’s your standard stuff  ,  tying wrists  ,  blindfolding  ,  pinning  ,  choking etc  .  again  ,  something she enjoys both ways . - oh  ,  biting  ,  obviously  .  && scratching  .  really just leaving marks in any way that last beyond the encounter  .  she’s usually not trying to really harm her partners or looking to be harmed by them  ,  but exceptions need not be named  .  ( also i swear this is the closest she has a to a ‘tooth fetish’   .  she doesn’t care how straight your teeth are so long as they can chomp  .  no she’s not going to get off on pretending to be your dentist  .  pay her if you want her to clean your mouth so she can take the money  && say ‘ no ’ because she’ll find that more sexually gratifying  .  ) - GARBAGE BOY TRASH MAN DOES WEIRD THINGS WITH SHADOWS . - doing stuff in secret/trying not to get caught  .  not in places belonging to someone she actually respects though  .  && definitely not any place mostly occupied by children  .  more like rubbing someone’s leg under a table during a fancy dinner  ,  or intentionally being really flirty  && suggestive in a situation where it can’t be acted on  ,  or sneaking off to a closet at a party or something like that  .  or you know , making out with the eldritch entity the man in the moon specifically told her to keep away from entirely . weird that so many of these are relevant to cavity . really really weird … . - she likes praising  &&  being praised so long as it doesn’t come off as just being condescending   ,  which admittedly is a thin line if she doesn’t know someone super well .

WOULD TOOTH EVER GET MARRIED ?

         as some sort of political/power union yeah maybe  ( see : her  verse with this stud  )  && even then it would almost certainly be polygamous  .  otherwise it doesn’t make sense to do something so official  .  monogamy is          while certainly not unheard of        considered the unusual when it comes to entities that live hundreds to billions of years  .  one of the few exceptions i can think of is that tooth would probably commit herself entirely to a relationship with seraphina  ,  which I don’t think would culminate in a literal marriage  ,  but definitely some sort of symbolic oath to one another  . but can i please just make a note here  &&  say : give me all of your fake marriage tropes so i can roll around in them && absorb them directly into my skin .

WHAT ARE SOME WAYS TOOTH SAYS ‘ I LOVE YOU ’ WITHOUT ACTUALLY SAYING IT ?

       simplest way in general  :  she’ll intentionally dedicate  &&  premeditate time to them  .        otherwise  ,  romantically  ,  tooth will study them  ,  memorize everything she can  ,  keep track of their tastes  &&  especially things they unintentionally show they enjoy even if they don’t admit it  .  she’ll open up to them more  ,  leave herself more vulnerable both physically  &&  emotionally  ,  trust them to handle places like her face  &&  wings  .  she’ll tease  &&  play with them  ( non maliciously that is )  &&  physically touch them in a lot in mundane ways  ( place a hand on their shoulder  ,  bump foreheads  ,  sprawl over them when laying down  ,  stroke their hair , etc. )  .          platonically  &&  overarchingly  ,  tooth will be more protective in certain ways  &&  be upset with them if they act self-destructively  .  she’ll invite  &&  encourage their company in her home  ,  even if they aren’t necessarily doing anything together   . gifts will become pretty common if the other person enjoys such things  .  specifically she’ll become especially privy to dressing them up  ( && incidentally  ,  back towards the more romantic side of things  ,  dressing up in their clothes as well )  .  you can also tell if toothiana likes you because her little faeries will generally betray her more withheld excitement of your presence  .

[northgreengolf]

Ryder Cup 2018: Jim Furyk’s greatest challenge will be letting his stars down easy

By Shane Ryan

Team USA is full to the gunwales with talent, but there’s something a little strange about how that talent is currently performing. It turns out, through a fluke of bad luck, that three of the biggest American stars from the last two Ryder Cups happen to be showing the worst form of anybody on the 2018 team. That presents a problem, and it’s a thorny one for U.S. captain Jim Furyk.

Phil Mickelson, Patrick Reed, and Jordan Spieth were three of the top five points-earners in the 2016 victory at Hazeltine, and three of the top four at Gleneagles two years earlier. Spieth and Reed weren’t around at Medinah in 2012, but Mickelson was, and he was once again one of the team’s stars, netting three points in a dynamic pairing with Keegan Bradley. It just so happens that as the Americans get ready to do battle in Paris, hoping to win their first Ryder Cup on foreign soil in 25 years, these three U.S. stalwarts are playing some pretty rough golf. Along with Bubba Watson, they are—without a doubt—slumping in a way that the other eight players are not.

  U.S. captain Jim Furyk on the possible Tiger-Phil Ryder Cup pairing: ''I won't ever say it wouldn't happen, but it's probably not too likely" https://t.co/iGHb9EZuND

— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) September 26, 2018

    It had to be strange for Jim Furyk to see the bottom of the leaderboard at last weekend’s Tour Championship, where positions 28-30 in the 30-man field looked like this:

Patrick Reed: +9

Bubba Watson: +10

Phil Mickelson: +13

Spieth, whose troubles this year are well-chronicled, wasn’t even there—he’s made exactly one top ten since the Masters, and he didn’t qualify for the Tour Championship.

To add to the conundrum, Spieth and Reed are a famously strong pairing, having amassed a 4-1-2 record over the last two competitions. To break them up would be a dramatic, almost reactionary move, but keeping two ice-cold golfers together runs even greater risks. If they can’t re-discover their magic together, it’s like handing a free point to the Europeans.

As if the situation wasn’t tricky enough on its own, Thomas Bjorn made a very smart move by deciding to play four-ball in the Friday morning session. That means the alternate shot pairings will happen in the afternoon, and the last thing you want to do if you’re Jim Furyk is stick a struggling golfer out there in alternate shot, where he can’t be rescued by a hot partner and could potentially submarine an entire match.

This puts the stress squarely on Furyk’s shoulders. Assuming he’s trying to avoid playing his four coldest players in afternoon foursomes, it leaves two choices: He can either play Bubba, Phil, Spieth, and Reed in the morning, or sit them out for an entire day.

He can’t sit them for an entire day. It’s just not plausible, even if it’s arguably the smarter move on paper. As such, you can expect to see all four golfers on Friday morning. Judging by the Tuesday practice groups, Furyk may be planning to break up the band and have Spieth and Reed play with different partners—it may be that Spieth doesn’t want to play with him anymore, considering the “interesting” comments Reed has made this year, from the denied drop at Bay Hill (“I guess my name needs to be Jordan Spieth”) to the trash talk at the WGC-Match Play (“my back still hurts” from carrying Spieth at the Ryder Cup), all of which preceded Reed beating a frustrated Spieth at that WGC. Or maybe they’re completely fine. In any case, it’s easy to imagine Furyk seeing the benefit in giving himself other options if the two aren’t playing well on Friday morning.

But those other options carry a price, and that’s where diplomacy comes in. Patrick Reed wants to play all five sessions. The last time Phil Mickelson had an issue with playing time, he instigated a full mutiny and threw his captain to the wolves. Jordan Spieth is an immensely popular figure, to both his teammates and fans, and any attempt by Furyk to sideline him comes with risks. Of the four, only Bubba Watson—not a very popular figure, relatively speaking—is easily cast aside. Davis Love III felt no compunction at leaving him off the team in 2016, and Furyk can bench him without worrying about the consequences. Bubba even showed at Hazeltine in his vice captain role that he can be a team player under adverse circumstances.

When it comes to the other three, Furyk’s job gets tough. How do you manage those extremely large personalities? How do you disappoint them, in service of winning, and not risk a PR nightmare inside and outside the team room?

The answer comes down to personal management, of course, and there’s no way for anyone besides Jim Furyk to know exactly what notes to sing. Yet it’s an incredibly vital part of his job.

Paul McGinley had a terrific system in Gleneagles, when he paired Lee Westwood and Graeme McDowell with rookies Jamie Donaldson and Victor Dubuisson, respectively, and cast the veterans as sherpas whose role was to win foursomes points with their young charges. It worked, but it may not be the perfect model for Furyk, because Mickelson and Bubba are not playing well, and Bubba in particular is not well suited to being anyone’s guide. It looks like he might try out the shepherd strategy with Mickelson and Finau, but it would likely have to come in morning four-ball. The ideal situation is that they win, sit for the afternoon, and play again on Saturday morning, but that assumes that Finau doesn’t crack under the Ryder Cup pressure, and that Mickelson is happy with playing just one session per day.

As for Reed and Spieth, Furyk is mostly reduced to hoping for the best. If they struggle, he’ll have to deliver the bitter news and hope they’re both mature enough to accept an unlikely demotion.

Furyk is the rare golfer who thinks deeply about every question he’s asked, and brings a curious mind to his sport. Journalists love him, players respect him. He’ll be the same as captain, and you can bet he’ll have considered almost every angle on the course. His greatest challenge, though, will be managing expectations and personalities off the course, particularly when his team hits the inevitable patch of adversity. If he can’t prepare his struggling stars for the prospect of sitting out a crucial session—or perhaps an entire Saturday—he’s in trouble. He must discover how to make them accept his decisions with equanimity while remaining supportive of the team and staying inspired for Sunday singles. Otherwise, his exacting preparation will crumble around him.

There are extremely strong players on Team USA, and they need to be playing in the crucial moments. Identifying them is the easy part. Keeping everyone happy while making the tough choice is where the road gets rocky, and Furyk’s ability to solve this riddle could define the outcome of the Paris Ryder Cup.

  Source: golfdigest.com

The post Ryder Cup 2018: Jim Furyk’s greatest challenge will be letting his stars down easy appeared first on Northgreen Country Club.

[polyamorousandpanicridden-blog]

Poly and dating one person - 31/3/18

So, my dynamic has changed pretty drastically. For a while things weren’t quite right with me and Phoebe. We didn’t see each other for a week and when we did and the games night she spent the whole time with Elizabeth and Lewis and honestly, it hurt. It felt like she didn’t want to see me as much as I wanted to see her. We recently had a talk and shocker, she doesn’t want to date me. She says its because she’s got a lot on but I think its just me. Both Elizabeth and Lewis are very type A and I am the complete opposite. I need validation sometimes because I’m insecure, and I need people to make an effort or I’m going to get even more insecure. Hearing that she didn’t want to date stung, but I think it was for the best. Yes, it’s a bummer that we won’t see what things could have been but I don’t think we’re compatible romantically and it would have gotten far messier if things went further. We decided to be friends with benefits which is completely fine with me, more than fine actually cause Phoebe is banging and I really didn’t want to stop sleeping with her. Now the fun thing will be figuring out how much she wants to sleep with me. I couldn’t tell how keen she was about it but I guess only time will tell, overthinking it isn’t going to do me any good.

Lara keeps telling me how mature I am. How I handled this whole thing well and I guess I did. I’m not sitting here crying and that’s probably a good indication of how I wanted romance to be there where it didn’t really click. Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality. Not with the sex though, the reality is definitely better. But regardless of that, I still find myself a little pissed at the whole foursome situation. I was getting real flirty with Lewis and that fizzled out, Elizabeth and I have flirted but haven’t in ages, and Ella straight up told everyone at my party that she wasn’t attracted to me, which in the past she’s said she was. It makes me think what I did to become so unattractive. I guess its my psycho personality. But anyway, that’s not the main point. Ella not being attracted to me is a bummer because she’s hot and I would love to sleep with her, but its more the fact that it was said in front of everyone. It felt so humiliating. I need to tell her how much it hurt me but I probably won’t. Cause its Ella. If I have trouble being vulnerable and having emotions in front of Lara or even my best friend Anne, there’s no way its happening in front of Ella.

On another more positive but equally as complicated note, there’s Rick. Everyone has been telling be he has a crush on me and that he has for ages and honestly, I’ve suspected it, but its always hard for me to believe that anyone has a crush on me because…come on, its me. But lately I’ve become more and more sure. I would actually like to date Rick. Yes, its risky because we’re friends and things don’t always come to an end as easily as things with me and Phoebe did, but I would like to try. There are two problems with it though: 1. I don’t know whether he would be able to deal with me being poly. Now that I’ve started I honestly don’t think I could go back to monogamy. Being poly just feels right to me. I wish I could have a situation like the foursome honestly, cause that would be perfect. So there’s that. 2. I wouldn’t even know how to approach that. My goal to is flirt at a party because if things work out that’s great, and if not you can blame it on the alcohol. You don’t lose either way, well at least not publicly.  

I still feel a little at a loss not having a primary. I know I don’t like the idea of primaries at all and I’d rather no one had them, but since people I know do, I feel like I should have one too. I feel more vulnerable and alone because I don’t have that one person that thinks of me first and that sucks, especially when I only have the one person to think of. Power dynamics are hard and I hate them, but when they exist its hard not to feel inadequate.

This is feeling kinda like a series now because I have no doubt that there’ll be more drama to come. I still don’t know what this is, its like a diary but more presentational. Maybe one day it will be a one woman show or something. I’m sure fringe would eat this shit up. We’ll have to wait and see.

[wwesurvivorseries-blog]

Predictions for the WWE Survivor Series card

We're one month away from Survivor Series and while there is still one pay-per-view, TLC, standing in the way, it's time to start figuring out how the brands will combine and compete on one of the biggest nights of the WWE calendar.

The staff members of WWE on ESPN each has their own thoughts about how they think Survivor Series might play out, and in that spirit, each offers up a prediction for the card.

Sheamus, Cesaro, Braun Strowman and The Miz, along with recently announced partner Kane, will take on Kurt Angle, Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose at TLC. But could that partnership last beyond Sunday night, all the way to Survivor Series against The Shield? Courtesy of WWE Andrew Feldman: An all-Raw battle main event featuring nearly all of Raw's biggest stars

The Miz has become quite the vehicle for storylines on Raw. His efforts in pulling all the pieces together and getting The Shield to reunite created one of the most memorable moments we've seen in 2017. The first piece of this prediction is that The Shield goes down at TLC, and the way things often play out, these two factions are far from done. The challenge in this case would be to find someone to pair back up with The Shield to make it a 5-on-5 and the options are really limited.

While there might be an argument for Matt Hardy, Jason Jordan, Apollo Crews or Titus O'Neil, I'm putting Finn Balor and John Cena into the mix. Balor, who hopefully will end this saga with Bray Wyatt at TLC, is ready to once again be elevated to main event status. His character right now is a bit ... weird ... and could use a more dynamic match to get him back into the Universal or Intercontinental championship conversation.

Then there's Cena, who is currently on hiatus after his match with Roman Reigns at No Mercy. The two have newly found respect and Cena coming to join this team seems like a place he'd fit in. If Cena is still out of the picture, maybe they bring in the shunned Curtis Axel (to be pinned first) in his attempt at revenge for The Miz slighting him in the faction. Brock Lesnar might also be considered, but some pairing with Jinder Mahal seems likely after Tuesday's edition of SmackDown Live.

It's a stretch, but that's why I'm going Reigns, Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Balor and Cena against The Miz, The Bar, Braun Strowman and Kane.

Greg Wyshynski: Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn vs. AJ Styles and Shane McMahon

Look, I know the dirt sheets are all pointing toward this being a traditional Survivor Series match. That makes sense, if only because it'll give some random like Mojo Rawley a spot on the card as face team cannon fodder. But I say cut the fat -- as much as one can with Shane these days -- and make what would be the final four in a 10-man match into a traditional tag match. Gimmick it up as a blow-off to the feud. And by that I mean have a Chris Jericho run-in to put Shane over Owens.

There's already plenty of recent history between Shane McMahon, Kevin Owens and AJ Styles, so it wouldn't be too big a leap to add Sami Zayn into the equation for a big match at Survivor Series. Provided by WWE (@WWE) Tim Fiorvanti: Carmella becomes the new SmackDown women's champion

With several 5-on-5 or 4-on-4 matches sure to be in play, some people are going to let their guard down about the potential of a Money in the Bank cash-in. At the conclusion of the women's match, with Charlotte Flair and Natalya as the "sole survivors" for Team SmackDown, there's a fracas and Natalya is left prone. Carmella blindsides everyone and cashes in her briefcase, becoming the new SmackDown women's champion. James Ellsworth keeps Flair out of play for just long enough so that Carmella can pick up the pin.

Things get complicated when you consider that the WWE's show the following week in North Carolina, a live event that has been branded as Starrcade with a double main event including a SmackDown women's title match inside of a steel cage. A triple threat could work, but the details can shake themselves out in the lead-up to that moment.

Michael Wonsover: Raw does not go against Smackdown Live in a 5-on-5 tag match

Every year by the time Survivor Series rolls around fans begin to fantasy book the potential combinations of participants in the annual 5-on-5 tag-team elimination match. Last year, SmackDown Live defeated Raw for bragging rights, if nothing else, but the match felt important. That won't be the case if the best five wrestlers on Raw go against the best five on SmackDown every year. Even more so when the authority figures of both brands (Kurt Angle, Shane McMahon/Daniel Bryan) are babyfaces, making it difficult to build a meaningful conflict as Survivor Series quickly approaches.

The Shield reunion gives Raw an in-house conflict that supersedes anything outside the confines of Monday night. The same can be said for the duo of Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn on SD Live. Expect the Shield and Owens/Zayn to be included in separate 5-on-5 tag matches with participants from their own shows.

After a record-setting NXT women's championship run and winning streak, will Asuka take over the Raw women's division in a hurry? Courtesy @WWENXT Sean Coyle: Asuka will become the Raw women's champion

Asuka will be making her anticipated main roster debut at TLC this weekend against Emma while the Raw Women's championship will be defended when Mickie James challenges Alexa Bliss. A successful debut match by Asuka would immediately put her in the championship hunt and just in time for one of the biggest pay-per-view events of the year.

Whether it's in a one-on-one scenario or a multi-superstar format, look for Asuka to be in a Raw women's championship match at Survivor Series across the ring from either Bliss or James. Not only will she be in the match, but she'll end the night right where she left off in NXT, with a championship around her waist and the division revolving around her.

Matt Willis: The "screwjob" revisited in the form of a great swerve

This is the 20-year anniversary of the Montreal Screwjob, one of the most controversial, and well-known, moments in pro wrestling history. I predict the WWE will attempt to re-capture some of that magic with another "screwjob," but the question is, where?

It seems too soon to turn The Shield against each other ... again ... but how about a swerve in the Kevin Owens/Shane McMahon storyline?

In a matchup pitting the team of Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn against Shane McMahon and a mystery partner (AJ Styles?), Triple H emerges, appearing trying to avenge Owens' attack on his father-in-law, but backs Owens, completing the storyline from when Triple H helped Owens capture the Universal Title. The end result? Triple H and Shane McMahon at WrestleMania for control of SmackDown Live.

Matt Wilansky: The New Day and The Usos vs. The Bar, Samoa Joe and Kane

We've already seen The New Day and The Usos call somewhat of a truce in their high-flying summer feud. Now they'll team up.

That's right, the two most explosive SmackDown squads will look to tag each other against a formidable foursome of Monday Night Raw. That quartet? With The Shield likely tied up in something worthy of a main event, The Bar will be free to join a soon-to-return Samoa Joe and Kane, who himself just made a surprising return to Raw.

As of now, Joe has no direction given his lengthy absence, and all indications are he won't have a credible storyline anytime soon, not before Survivor Series anyway. Kane seems like a natural fit to this team, given his size and big-match pedigree. Sure, he has been more or less an afterthought, but the ostensible new direction is one with a little more clout, assuming he's going to stick around for at least a couple of months.

Look for the blue brand to walk away with a win. Hard to imagine two true tag teams falling to the makeshift group of Raw.

"Stat Guy" Greg Hyde: Dean Ambrose puts The Shield's reunion on ice

On Oct. 9, The Shield officially reunited on Monday Night Raw, and while I understand that it may seem like its early for a break up, I am expecting the Lunatic Fringe to stab his Shield brethren in the back. Historically, Survivor Series is the PPV that is used to set up feuds for the next WrestleMania -- and with this in mind, I am expecting The Shield's reunion to come to an abrupt end. If that doesn't convince you, consider this: it is not outside of the realm of possibility for WWE to bring back a popular faction for a short-lived reunion. In April 2014, Evolution reunited to take on The Shield. Two months later, the group disbanded. In February 2002, WWE brought in original nWo members Hogan, Hall and Nash, yet one month later they split as well. On July 22, 2002 Triple H and Shawn Micheals reunited as DX and they split by the end of the night. In each instance, WWE made and sold merchandise to mark the occasion, so get your Shield shirts while you can because I expect this reunion to be short-lived as well.

Andrew Davis: Raw's women's division versus SmackDown's women's division

The women's division has a number of different layers and storylines that could potentially play out in a traditional Survivor Series match. Although this matchup is very similar to last year's (trade Alexa for Charlotte) and the addition of Asuka over Alicia Fox, all 10 superstars in the match have something that needs to evolve before WrestleMania.

Here are the potential scenarios for each of the 10 women in this match. Team Raw:

Nia Jax: This match will see her dominance overshadowed by Asuka, setting up a future match over jealousy.

Sasha Banks: Will she turn heel? Not here, but a Bayley miscue eliminates "The Boss," similar to the Owen Hart elimination in 1993.

Bayley: See above, Bayley gets eliminated when she's worrying about her friend.

Asuka: Sole survivor of the match, her dominant reign continues. It's possible she eliminates all her opponents to build "The Empress of Tomorrow."

Alexa Bliss: "Little Miss Bliss" tries to put Asuka in her place, only to sneakily get pinned by Charlotte.

Team SmackDown:

Becky Lynch: A brawl will start the match, leading to everyone on the outside while the Four Horsewomen pose inside the ring to plant the seeds for Rousey & Co. come WrestleMania.

Naomi: Lana and Tamina, upset that they aren't part of Team Smackdown, pull Naomi to the outside and take her out, resulting in a countout elimination. Remember, Naomi and Tamina are family.

Carmella: The seeds get planted for Ms. Money in the Bank to cash-in that briefcase on Charlotte at Starrcade.

Charlotte: Survives until the end, but James Ellsworth distracts "The Queen" after Carmella's elimination, leading to the final pinfall.

Natalya: The Smackdown women's champion moves from coach to captain this year, but is pinned by fellow champion Bliss midway through the match.

Nick Irving: Team Enzo vs. Team Kalisto

Survivor Series will feature the WWE's cruiserweight division in a 7-vs.-7 showdown, following Kalisto's title defense against Enzo Amore at TLC. Team Enzo (Amore, Ariya Daivari, Drew Gulak, Noam Dar, Tony Nese, The Brian Kendrick and Jack Gallagher) will take on Team Kalisto (Kalisto, Cedric Alexander, Rich Swann, Mustafa Ali, Akira Tozawa, TJP and Lince Dorado) -- putting essentially the entire 205 Live roster into what's sure to be a high-flying match.

Terrance Williams: Expect a traditional 5-on-5 at Survivor Series

The Survivor Series main event will be Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown Live in a traditional Survivor Series elimination match.

Team Raw will be composed of Braun Strowman, The Miz and the Shield. Team Smackdown Live will be AJ Styles, Jinder Mahal, Shinsuke Nakamura, Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn. The finish will have Jinder walking out on AJ, leaving him to face all three members of The Shield by himself. AJ will fight valiantly but will eventually be overcome by the group. The bad blood will set up AJ vs Jinder for the WWE championship at the Royal Rumble. Book it.

Sachin Chandan: Jinder Mania runs wild, and other thoughts

Survivor Series should be WWE's battle of the brands, headlined by Team Raw (Brock Lesnar, Braun Strowman, Finn Balor, Elias and a surprise return Samoa Joe) vs. Team Smackdown (Jinder Mahal, Randy Orton, Shinsuke Nakamura, Rusev, and AJ Styles). Balor accidentally takes out Lesnar outside, leading the Beast Incarnate to be counted out, but before he leaves he F-5s both Singh Brothers. The chaos ends with Jinder Mahal as the sole survivor, eliminating Samoa Joe. Jinder Mania has been running strong for months, why not keep it going? The undercard will feature The Shield vs. The New Day in a dream 6-man-tag, Kalisto vs. Enzo Amore vs. Ariya Daivari vs. Mustafa Ali for the cruiserweight championship, and Smackdown women (Natalya, Becky Lynch, Charlotte, Tamina, and Carmella) vs. Raw women (Alexa Bliss, Asuka, Bayley, Sasha Banks, and Emma) with Asuka as the sole survivor.