#where i could read a lot
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Since I finally read at a higher rate with regularity, I'm really pissed that the thing getting between me and my books is my job but also I need that job to buy books, and you know food and pay bills but whatever
#misc#joke aside#i say that#because the thing that really got between me and my books was my phone#im honest and realistic with the fact that yes it is an addiction#and it destroys memy already low attention span#but my attention span for reading used to be very high#i still spend considerable amount of time on my phone#not gonna lie to myself#but since im using the b&w mode to go to bed early during the week#im really improving#however most Saturdays#where i could read a lot#or like do stuff in general#im literally like a low battery computer#i just pass out most of the day#like for real#it's Saturday void for me#and i could do so much thing#what im saying is that we should have a three days weekend#im having that this weekend#but i want that every week#i also don't want to work at all#but realistically i still need money because capitalism ain't dead tet#*yet#anyway im talking about books#but it's just a rant about how much i hate my job 🙃
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There's this way of doing female-ness in Christianity that I call "pastel flower journal Christianity." I've got nothing against pastel flower journals per se, but for some reason people believe it's the end all and be all of female spirituality, and I think it's a real disservice towards young Christian women.
One of these days I'd like to start a prayer-and-reading group or something for young women, but there would be no floral themes or over-focus on how "God thinks you're beautiful even if the world doesn't" (a true statement, but it's wayyyyy too often the focus in women's spiritual reading). Instead we would be reading:
Seneca's Letters from a Stoic
Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning
Sheed's A Map of Life
Portions of Pieper's book on leisure
Kreeft's Three Philosophies of Life
Guardini's The Lord (or something similar)
Therese's Story of a Soul
and some select portions of the Nicomachean Ethics.
(Also they're all getting the porn talk. I don't know why we give the porn talk to young men but not young women. There's this idea that women don't use porn and they only need the talk about "guarding their heart." Bullshit. There's porn on the YA shelves of Barnes and Nobles and before that there were bodice rippers. Young women need the porn talk too.)
Every young woman needs to be getting a basic grounding in virtue ethics, logic, natural law, scholastic philosophy and Biblical hermeneutics if they're going to get by in today's spiritual landscape. Enough faffery and emotionalism in young women's spiritual education! Give them real food to chew on, not pasty sentimentalism!
#Christian femininity#Christian women#Christian#Christianity#Catholicism#Catholic women#Catholic femininity#Catholic feminism#Catholic#I'm sure there should be something by Stein on this list but I haven't read her stuff yet#Anyway if I could shove one book into the hands of every young woman on this site#it would be either Letters from a Stoic or Man's Search for Meaning.#I think a lot of women on this site could benefit from those two books alone.#Much of the way we treat women's sense of spirituality and ethics is trusting them to just blindly feel their way to the right answer#While we give young men clear-cut instructions and reasoning.#It's bullshit. And it's actively harmful. I would never say feelings are useless#but without a well-formed intellect and conscience they're just not going to carry you as far as you need to go on their own.#I had the value of a good moral and philosophical education because of where I went to school—same as the boys in my class.#And it's spared me so much grief. People put the tools in my hands to make smart decisions and empowered me to seek the good.#All young women deserve the same.
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on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.
all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)
in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#dragon age meta#rook is his first brush with actual safe attachment. and to me and because of who I am as a person#nothing could be more romantically devastating or impactful fhdsjkfhs that's literally the unreachable wistful dream the pie in the sky#the garrus romance echoes too. some of the same stuff going on under the hood here#you know who else he's sneakily like too actually? iron bull. the 'no matter where I turn I'll hurt someone I love' and dissociation stuff#there's that whole line about 'walking close to the edge or whatever'#which is masterful as a diversion b/c what this romance is really about is feeling truly safe with someone#in a sort of weirdly realistic way that makes it struggle with the conventions of video game romance but sure is Doing something!#and I unwittingly made a rook who also is on that specific arc so it's working out just devastating for me thanks for asking#the part in andrea gibson's 'prism' that's like. there is no shelter in the womb it's where you learn the cord that feeds you#could at any moment wrap around your neck. I think that's the initial understanding of love here. which is not good. if you think about it.#I don't think I really write these kinds of posts btw I just black out for a while and when I wake up from the trance I too#get to read what the fuck I've been thinking about finally. corralling that raging electric storm#that keeps overtaking my neurons at regular intervals and translating it into if not sense then certainly words. lots of words#no one is ever more surprised than me to find out what i'm thinking and feeling
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My brainrot today is thinking about just how incredible for a character Eowyn is.
Genuinely. The series might not have many female characters but the ones we do get go so fucking hard.
To me, Eowyn is literally the definition of defining being a woman for oneself. She rejects the roles she is given despite acknlowdging the importance and its mostly because she knows part of the reason is that she is a woman.
The reason why she is obsessed with Aragorn isn't because she loves him but because she wants what he has. She wants the freedom and courage and bravery that Aragorn has at every turn. She literally has multiple conversations during the Two Towers about how what she fears most is a cage. All this girl wants is the freedom to be and not be forced into a role. The best thing is that she literally gets that.
The segment of Return of the King about Eowyn and Faramir is literally about her piecing together what she truly wants. She doesn't want Aragorn. She wants freedom and the ability to choose. Faramir does nothing but encourage that in her. Their love story is literally one of the healthiest love stories I've seen in a long time because at the heart of it, their love is a place to return home to for both parties. Both go off to lead and help their people for a considerable amount of time before returning to each other but that does not diminish their bond. Even Faramir, I believe, falls in love with her bravery and dedication to her loved ones. The reason she went to Pelenor Fields and Gondor with the troops of Rohan was because she had things she wanted to fight for. She wanted to fight for herself, her people, and her loved ones. She is the one who protects Theoden after he is killed so that his body gets the treatment it deserves. She encourages Merry and helps him go to the battle because she sees her struggle in Merry. They feel helpless standing around when there are things to be doing.
Let's also not forget the fact that she was around Grima Wormtounge just as much as the King was. She was exposed to the same poison and awful words that eroded the king. It's even implied that her care for him is part of the reason why Theoden was savable when Gandalf showed up. She had the same power and bravery as everyone else even if she didn't see it in herself.
Then at the end of the day, SHE decides where she wants to go and what path she wants to walk. She walked the path of a warrior. The path of a princess/ruler. The path of a caretaker. But in the end she decides which elements truly mean something to her outside of gender definitions. That is what makes her character so incredible to me. In this she literally kills one of the biggest enemies in that battle with such a badass line.
#i could talk for ages about how i see the struggle of defining being a woman for oneself in her#she rejects the feminine roles given to her but she also doesnt quite want the masculine ones#she just wants the freedom to choose and have the same respect that men are given#she doesnt want to be belitted because she is a woman#thats literally what Faramir gives her and why she stays with him#Faramir loves her for her not anything else#he respects her as she does him#i am someone who is a woman but rejects the definitons of being a woman because they are toxic and caging#all i want is the freedom and respect of being a HUMAN being#i lend more masculine because that is where that freedom is more often but i also see how toxic that relam is too#niether side is good which is why i choose my own path and defintiom#the fact that eowyn gets such a similar story in a series written by a man in the mid 1900s is incredible#i am someone who would love to have more female characters but i do not want them at the expense of them being proper characters and humans#ive read a lot of fantasy women do not always get the agency they deserve#i would rather take fewer well written women then a bunch of poorly written female characters#lotr has that#eowyn arwen and galadriel are all given agency and the space to be their own individuals which makes them incredible characters#thats what i want out of books and ficition#god im making myself insane about my own thoughts lol#i could talk for ages im not kidding#eowyn#eowyn of rohan#lotr#lotr rambling#lord of the rings#the two towers#the return of the king
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[Image description: Three photos of a knitted red dragon plush. End description.]
Made my very own tiny dungeon meshi dragon plush, that’s based on the version that only appears in the very last chapter for five pages and then is never seen again. I think it turned out pretty well.
I used this pattern to make it with some minor tweaks to the body, tails and legs and then just made some tiny cones for the horns at the end. If anyone would be intersted I might post the alterations and where to apply them but go check out the original pattern! I stuffed it both with acylic stuffing but also some plastic pellets for a bit of extra weight. The eyes are done with french knots.
Going to be adding manga spoilers below the read more with pictures of what I tried to get it to look like.
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[Image description: Three panels from the manga showing Falin interacting with a baby dragon. End description.]
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#maybe? i made the dragon for a cosplay i made of her#red dragon#plushies#knitting#fiskart#the second pair of horns are curled just by sewing it to the neck to be sure it would hold the shape right#took a bit of brain power at moments when tweaking the pattern to how i wanted it without actually knowing how the tweaking would turn out#but i love it!! it fits great in my hand and i have been carrying it around with me a lot just because of that#been thinking of trying to make a version where the body and tail is knitted in one instead of sewing the tail on later#it would only be able to lie down but now that i have a sitting one it would be fun to also have the other#but really let me know if anyone would be intertsed in trying to make it yourself becuase then i could try to clean up my notes#and put it on here at some point#that was as lot of extra tags#i hope whoever read all of this has a great day!
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i know everyone likes to put tharja in the "yandere goth girl" category but tbh i feel like pigeonholing her into one specific archetype does a huge disservice to her character. is she obsessed with curses and robin? yes. is she constantly shoved into a fanservice role by intsys? absolutely.
but i think a lot of people forget just how impactful a lot of her supports are...there's something about tharja that makes nearly everyone who interacts with her divulge their deepest secrets and points of anxiety with her. we see this with libra, who tells her of the abandonment he endured at the hands of his parents. we see it with nowi, whose cheerful demeanor slips off as she tells tharja of her missing parents. and although tharja is not the only one lon'qu confides in regarding ke'ri, their support is notably the only one in which lon'qu divulges that there was romantic involvement between he and his childhood friend.
and despite her antisocial exterior, she always listens mindfully and offers to help! she even goes out of her way to discreetly help the shepherds (getting virion to do odd jobs that benefit civilians, interrogating henry to make sure he bears no ill will towards ylisse, etc).
a big thing about tharja is that she IS kind. she IS considerate. she just also has a reputation to uphold as a dark mage and that (paired with her overall awkwardness ofc) makes her true nature hard to see at first glance
#fire emblem#fire emblem awakening#fire emblem heroes#tharja#tharja fire emblem#also aside from the fanservice she gets shoehorned into a lot of people dislike her for the noire situation#which yes. absolutely makes sense.#but like....also.... it's implied that it's NOT the current tharja who treated noire that way. it was doomed!future tharja#is this splitting hairs? yeah i guess? but like...the whole point of awakening is that our decisions and bonds shape who we are.#we could be an entirely different person depending on what we choose to value#the tharja from noire's timeline is not the tharja from the current timeline and current! tharja shows how much she cares for noire#another point of contention with tharja is her robin obsession#which CAN be annoying. i'll grant you that.#HOWEVER she only mentions robin in 2 of her s-supports i believe#frankly i think cordelia is a worse offender here. i can't think of a support where she DOESN'T mention chrom#anyway let's also not forget how committed tharja is to being sharena's friend in FEH#GOOOODDD i really do love tharja... she's so great#i was actually reading lon'qu's supports because i want to do an s-rank convo tierlist for him maybe but i got distracted#by his support with tharja which is just SOOOOOO peak#that i just ended up reading all of tharja's supports as well sjsjskksksk so sorry lonk i'm thinking about tharja today!
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"Ekko is in love with Powder, not Jinx, so it wouldn't have worked out either way" is such a dumb argument against Timebomb.
Because yes, Ekko had a crush on Powder when they were kids. Yes, he tried to save Powder from her fate and ended up as rivals instead. Yes, he fell in love with Powder in another universe.
But that doesn't mean he was not willing to fall for Jinx too or that he didn't care about her. He continuously shows, despite not agreeing with her, full respect and acceptance for her decision. He agrees on Powder being dead but still cares enough to refuse to kill Jinx. He cares enough to go back and make amends with her and fight next to her. He cares enough to see her instead of Powder when he comes back from the alternate universe.
"But he still sees her as Powder and that's why he does this. He's driven by melancholy" aren't we all? Isn't Vi, too? And her love couldn't be questioned in any way, either.
Upon seeing the life they could've had together, Ekko goes back to team up with Jinx. Not the way he tried to do in season 1, seeking to save her and then becoming "savior boy". No. This time he goes to see Jinx and Jinx only.
People keep bringing the whole "he loves her past self" argument to fight this but it doesn't really mean anything when he was clearly willing to fall for the girl she is now. We keep forgetting that despite Powder and Jinx being different, they're two sides of the same coin and entity. Jinx is not Powder and viceversa, but Ekko knows that. People act as if he didn't but he's probably the one character respecting that the most while struggling with the change.
He ends up dressing with Jinx's colors. Mourning both Powder and Jinx.
To say he only loves Powder is to ignore his efforts to learn about Jinx because, if he only cared for her past self, he wouldn't have tried to help Jinx instead.
#see where i'm going with this#perhaps it's just me relating to jinx quite a lot like we can all read her character in different ways#but as someone who has changed A LOT bc of mental health issues and has felt like people only loved their past self#i believe that ekko was on his way to love jinx#but we will never know#he was on his way and that's enough proof to show he was not only in love with powder#i could make more arguments but you know#arcane#timebomb#ekko arcane#jinx arcane#powder arcane
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Gosh I love small fandoms where everyone is equally insane and everyone's just making references to the source material.
Like, I can go "y'all I just saw a badger, I sure hope he doesn't become King of England" and everyone will get what I'm talking about while people who aren't in the fandom are confused as shit.
#shoot from the hip#I could insert a neurodivergent joke but not everyone here is neurodivergent so it feels kinda weird#anyways I love insane fandoms!!#personal rant incoming but I've been in fandoms where (for whatever reason) fandom culture stuff is discouraged??#like people hated shipping non-canon ships and people were called cringe for reading a lot of fanfiction#I've since left the fandom but it was still one of the weirdest fandoms I've ever been in#idk if it's the fact that it was on reddit or if the source material just attracted non fandom-y fans
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BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 2.14 — “Innocence”
#btvsedit#btvs#buffythevampireslayeredit#buffy the vampire slayer#creations#willoz#daniel osbourne#willow rosenberg#buffysource#dailybtvs#look im not going to sit here and say oz is the best character of all time or anything.#but i do think he is the most perfectly crafted love interest for high school willow they could have made#i think about this scene and the scene in amends (?) where willow tries to sleep with him a lot#because oz is there like!! i dont want you to want because you think you should#or because you're trying to hurt someone else. i want you to want me because you want me.#and he's able to read it later on when she's with him because she truly wants to be.#the willoz scenes in s2 truly make me lose my mind
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thinking about snarky cultural/theological commentary and. the thing about snark is this: it’s easy, and it’s instant gratification. it’s easy because you’re playing to a likeminded audience. you get the way they think, you know the sort of things they find ridiculous, and so you know what’s going to play well with them. it’s not that hard to come up with a zinger that’s going to earn you applause from your own side. it’s also pretty easy to make another human being who’s not on your side look stupid, because we’re stupid creatures and we all have plenty of exploitable weak spots. it’s preaching to the choir, and it’s preaching meanly to the choir. and then, your snark bears all its fruit right away. you get the glowing feeling of having scored points against the enemy while being patted on the back by your friends for being so brave. if you succeeded in being snarky, you get the rewards of snark that very instant.
on the other hand, seeking to share the truth you possess in a mode in which it could actually be received—that is, says St Thomas, according to the mode of the recipient—that’s hard, and it’s so far from being instantly gratifying that you may never see the fruits of it in this life. not only are you not thinking about your likeminded audience, you’re not even going to trot out the truth simply in the way you understand it and call it your best effort. rather, you have to try to get inside your interlocutor’s frame of mind and understand how the truth you know is going to fulfill their own priorities and longings. you have to understand them so well that you see the truth of their position, even if that truth is buried very very deep, and then see how that truth connects them to the truth you see. you have to be insightful, and compassionate, and so, so patient. you don’t get to score any points, with anybody. your interlocutor might still get annoyed with you and turn around and make you look stupid. but you can’t just say “I’m going to speak the truth and I don’t care who hears and how they take it”—you have to care how they take it, because the truth is relational, it’s given and received, not just spouted into a void. and frankly you have to care how they take it because you have to care about their salvation.
don’t get me wrong, there are times in every person’s life when they will be called to stand up and be counted, to put fumbling words to what they hold most dear even if they can’t make everyone understand. but I don’t know that it’s a virtue to be always focused on being seen saying the truth, with no consideration given to who hears you and what they’ll hear in it—and it’s certainly not a virtue to be always focused on being seen saying the truth in a mean and funny way. “instruct the ignorant” is a spiritual work of mercy. but instruct the ignorant does not mean “instruct the ignorant while making the knowledgeable laugh and/or high five.”
#obviously there’s a lot of middle ground between the one method and the other#but I think the middle ground has a tendency (especially on the internet!) to slide into snark#because you want people to know you’re self-aware! you want them to know you have a sense of humor!#it’s very vulnerable to stand up and say the truth in the way you understand it and so it’s tempting to cover it up with snark!#but snark is not a virtue!#YES if I’m gonna read a long-ass article on theology/culture/politics it helps a ton if the author has a sense of humor#but sometimes otherwise thoughtful and insightful writers go way too far!#too personal too pointed too uncompassionate!#to the point where it’s like. you can technically be correct and still be an asshole#because if your main goal in speaking is to make your friends laugh? you just might be a bully#and I get that there’s a specific kind of snark that’s meant to be commiseration between friends. like ‘you seeing this shit?’ kind of snar#but I just don’t know that there is a place for that on a public page on the internet#because the ‘this shit’ you’re seeing is usually a human person and they could very well read what you’ve written#tldr: you can’t abrogate your responsibility to be nuanced and compassionate#cate writes
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Average historian denies all gay relationships statistic false!
No-Lesbians Ruth Franklin, who lives in an archive and denies any possible sapphic interpretation of Shirley Jackson’s work 50 times a day, is an outlier adn should not be counted
#biography#Shirley Jackson#seriously “a rather haunted life“ it is so good in most ways#but this woman seems to be like. Personally offended that anyone could possibly read anything sapphic into any of Jackson’s novels#I get it; she wrote that whole document freaking out that someone interpreted Hangsaman as#‘about lesbians’#but still there are a number of things she wrote where it takes an incredibly stubborn reading to not at least see that interpretation#(And I’m not fully sure that document was so much about objecting to Sapphic interpretations of her work#(as it was being upset at the idea of her central theme is not coming across in favor of other themes she’s considered less important#(besides which it gets into some incredibly interesting introspection about why she is “afraid of a word [lesbian]“#in ways that have a lot of people saying “the lady doth protest too much“
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I want Jason to be such a skilled liar when the situation calls for it but being so bad at it otherwise because 90% of the time he does not see the point in lying.
#so a lot of people end up having it built in their head that jason just can't lie but he can!#it's kinda like body language. i think jason could very easily be impeccable at reading people's body language#a side effect of being raised by wolves ofc but also just a natural intuitive thing to him he picked up while being groomed for leadership#but 90% of social cues are deemed dumb because he doesn't get the point of subtlety. like just be up front.#so he doesn't engage (and sometimes he simply does not understand how to engage) so he comes across as socially clueless and cruelly blunt#and then gets dropped into some scenario where he has to charm and dazzle an important person and he fucking nails it to everyone's surpris#ahhh once again thinking about natural diplomat instincts jason and thalia 😩 benefits of your dad being king of the world lol#jason grace#happy talks pjo
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Btw fun fact but in the book it's canonically impossible to die in Oz. Hence the surprising amount of body horror.
you know, that doesnt sound right but I havent read enough Oz books to dispute it /ref
#Gump died but then again there is a lot of retconning in these books or maybe you just mean humans#a society where nobody ever dies and instead becomes increasingly disturbing parodies of the human form is sure something#To be fair it is the exact kind of slightly horrific worldbuilding I would expect from a weird kids series like oz#I plan to get started reading Ozma of Oz today or tomorrow depending how much time my homework ends up taking#So hopefully I will know soon what you could possibly mean by this
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people saying that Glinda isn't gay are so insane to me it's like in the original books she lived out her years with 100 of Oz's most beautiful women for nothing
#idk what to argue#she had a harem#yeah i got annoyed by someone again sorry#i dont think a lot of people can read tho so ig i can forgive#not forget tho ill be annoyed for a while still#elphaba is like. one person. could you imagine them make glindas harem canon. could you#wicked#i dont mind revisionist works but it annoys me when people erase canon for them#wizard of oz#glinda the good witch#elphaba thropp#gelphie#its about the popularity obv but the ozma slander is crazy i miss her#im also in general annoyed about pretending like i wasnt called lame for liking wicked in like 2015 or whatever#obv you sont have to go all into it but you have to understand that wicked is completely different from the original books. its 100% fanfic#but people dont understand that which is where my woes come in#my posts#text post
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made a weird dog
#oc#monochrome#me when there's a creature that exists between two states and watches beyond more than that:#its cool with this for the record its having a lot of fun#based super loosely off the concept of coyote from gunnerkrigg court. friend of mine wanted me to read it and i. dont like it that much but#i wanted to give it a shot bc i hate all the other webcomics they like ;-; unfortunately i still dont like it that much. it is badly writte#like materially. the reason i dislike it is because it is not well written and unlike them i came up in an era where i could read stories#like that in webcomic format that were well written#a couple ideas bit me though. as you can see#dog#sort of a fox? i guess?#also obviously goes without saying but Extremely Derivative Obviously Not My Own Original Ideas]#favorite
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The dykes in the hall
#been reading lots of dtwof#can you tell#i think they would be better if they were lesbians#comedy yuri#my smelly art#kids in the hall#bruce mcculloch is the most butch lesbian of them all and i dream to look like her some day#I am a scott kevin truther i think scott and kevin discuss free trade is the craziest thing ive ever seen#they were in love#and theres an interview from like the 2000s where they were talking about just figuring out that they could have chemistry…#like why are we lying
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