#where fans would rather be mentally ill about a man that showed up for less than a minute than the women characters

[wannabemasterofwindintraining]

u should totally draw nokt ... foar me :3

I don't get the nokt hype he didn't do anything to make me care about his existence he was literally only there for not even a minute

Maybe that's just me tho

[firesnap]

We have a storyline where we're all talking about mental illness and c!Wilbur's way of expressing that and... it's interesting. There's no Ghostbur to project all those soft boy head canons on and we're seeing the rougher edges of Wilbur polished in a lot of sympathetic takes to try and appeal to the people who would otherwise just call him The Worst.

So yeah, lots of focus on Wilbur trembling and Wilbur not wanting food and head canons of Wilbur trailing after Tommy and being so filled with regret that it's eating him alive. Hell, even the "Wilbur is just a pathetic cat" meme sort of inhabits this space. On their own these things are fine -- a huge of chunk of it is just based on canon, but it does get a disproportionate bit of talking space among c!Wilbur fans.

Because Wilbur is still sharp and cutting in a lot of the ways he shows his struggles. Man still wanted to blow up a horse because he couldn't control the desire for someone, anyone, to see him. We haven't seen anything to suggest that's not there just because he's upset someone got hurt. Man still apologized to Techno with a lot of what he thought Techno would want rather than things that were actually his fault. He's still externalizing issues in ways that pull people into high risk/reward scenarios for his own benefit.

I don't know why I always struggle with this. I want people to be sympathetic to Wilbur. I want people to realize he's struggling and trying and keeps stumbling because he doesn't know how to address his own problems. But... I want to do it in a way that talks about some of the less "gentle" traits of his mental illness. I want talks about how Wilbur's need to be seen might be tied to when he was drowning in the past and no one noticed. I want to talk about how Wilbur's apologies that we've seen are still him wanting to play a role and look at future apologies to see if that's still a thing. I want to talk about how he comes up with these larger-than-necessary schemes to work through shit and how they might be a symptom of self-sabotage.

Basically, the sad, soft voice he used when he said he was trying tugged at my heartstrings, but the messier and complicated parts of him keep me writing essays.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

March 2021 Part 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

This is a LONG ONE, it’s been A WEEK everyone. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 5 - a little slow this week, but at least Gene finally flirted back, and very cute flirting it was, too. Also we got Aey’s motivation, background, and love interest. Thank goodness for that. 

Brothers Ep 8 - still pants, what can I say? Clearly I am a BL masochist. Very embarrassing for everyone concerned. 

1000 Stars Ep 9 - the conflict over Tian’s father was REALLY well done. The plot of this drama is excellent, the leads are great together, and yes I totally cried. What, you didn’t? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Word of Honor (China) Ep 16-18 - big battle fighty fighty stabby stabby. Ep 17 switches to “this drama isn’t big enough for two chaotic-neutral godlings!” So what do they do? Drink together and bicker... A LOT. Then in Ep 18 we all get the dubious joy of really freaky puppets. (I HATE puppets.) Also how is China letting this be so SO VERY VERY GAY?  Also, I wanna walk through the forest wearing a smanshy purple robe and waving a big fuck-off white fan around simply because I’m a pretentious fuss monger. And frankly, I feel like this is an achievable life goal for me. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 4 - not gonna lie, this is looking to be one of my top 3 BLs of 2021. It’s SO GOOD. Big bonus to this ep for treating stalker behavior like the mental illness it is and not as some dumb representation of enduring love. 

The Most Peaceful Place is My Place (Vietnam) Ep 1 - finally dropped (find it under NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM on O2′s channel). It’s got actors already comfortable with BL and looks pretty good so far. An angry tsundere uke reunited with his ex, a stoic chef, giving us lots of snap, crackle, and pop out the gate. 

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 2 - I want to love it, but it is just moving too fast. There’s not enough character dev and then they’re throwing flashbacks in? It feels like a treatment rather than a show, and a rushed treatment at that. Bummer. 

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 2 (AKA Ep 3-4) - let the cheesy popcorn continue! Idiot remains an idiot; ingenue remains an ice queen; nice gay guy remains nice and gay; obsessive stalker brother is getting ever more whackadoddle. Of course these last two have the best chemistry. (It’s caregiver codependency and the salvation trope. We got us a Leo/Fiat situation going on.​) Plus lots of classic BL tropes because OF COURSE there are lots of tropes. 

Occasionally, I am tempted to argue that shows like H4 or Cherry Magic or Ossan’s Love aren’t technically BL because of the office setting and age of the protags - but then they all behave like high school students anyway, so *shrug* 

Stand Alones

Cute little Taiwanese micro BL Friend or Lover dropped, about bisexual realization within a friendship group. Normally these are too short for me, but this one did pretty good with its 15 minutes of charm, plus it’s abad boy + shy softy pairing. 

Breaking News - Thai BL

Fish Upon the Sky released its actual trailer. The upside-down kiss is gone, which makes everyone sad, and it seems far less rivals to lovers than the first iteration, which makes ME sad. But it still looks good and a more classic BL than GMMTV has given us in a while. New trailer focused more on the makeover trope and they’ve upped Mix’s role (the object of everyone’s affection) now that he’s proved himself. (Or they are using him more to carry the trailer since he has a fan base form 1k*). Starts April 9 on GMMTV in 1K*’s time slot, probably with a 10 ep run. 

2gether the movie is apparently coming April 22 to Thai theaters. F4 Thailand must be having issues or GMMTV just wants to milk the BrightWin cash cow. It’s rumored to be a combination of 2gehter + Still 2gether with some extra scenes and ending. Also, one assumes a lot will be cut out, if it’s movie length.

Call It What You Want released its updated trailer. If anything, it looks more scary than before. What are we in for? April 9th. 

Nitiman got a release date, May 7 on One31. 

I Told Sunset About You 2 got an updated release date of May 27 on LineTV. 

Second Chance the series is coming to LineTV on March 29. I don’t know much about this one. Tons of familiar faces (mostly TharnType side dishes) and some nice looking new talent but a dearth of eng subs. I think it may take on Brothers’ time slot. Line did eng subs for Brothers so maybe they will do 2nd Chance too? 

Close Friend the series is coming April 22. This is a combination of 6 couples with 6 story arcs as music videos (maybe)? It’s an epic fan service with familiar faces like OhmFluke (UWMA), MaxNat (LBC also in Y-Destiny), YoonLay (YYY also in Y-Destiny), KimCop (GenY), and JaFirst (TT2).

Y-Destiny starts March 30, and has starting dropping couple’s trailers. I’m still suspicious given the director but it seems like there is plot (or plots) and a theme. Looks to be a series of 7 single ep vignettes (amended, see comments, might be 2 eps each for 14 eps total), different couple each time, some with supernatural elements, all with decent chemistry and acting chops. 

Sun MaxNat’s tutor/student arc

Mon jaded rich kid meets poor innocent  

Tues sports romance enemies to lovers 

Weds the messy realistic actual dating one 

Thurs hot ghost boyfriend (sad) 

Fri YoonLayPerth coping with loss and finding new love (sad). This one will all rest on Lay's acting so we know it’s in safe hands. Our boy is going to KILL it. 

Sat time-slip memory loss reunion romance 

I’m thinking we can’t expect any of these to end happy or be classic BL. They’re gonna be more slice of life-ish. 

Gossip - BL Outside of Thailand 

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) got a legit teaser (eng sub here). @curriculumvtae​ reports that it’s releasing April 15th on WeTV (Philippines & Thailand) and Idol Romance (South Korea), while Will of Thai Bl says it’ll be on Viki too. It’s a short run of 8 ep built on a fake relationship trope (arranged marriage variant):

Ryu Ho Seon’s (Kang In Soo from You Wish) arranged marriage turns out to be with his expected bride’s brother, Choi Ki Wan (Lee Se Jin from Mr Heart). Ryu tries to undo the marriage, but his ill mother opposes this saying the scandal would be too much. Meanwhile, Kim Tae Hyeong (Jang Eui Soo from Where Your Eyes Linger), a senior at Ryu’s school, comes to congratulate him and falls in love with Choi. Then one day, the original bride disappears.

Okay it seems a bit twisty turny for ONLY 8 EPS, but oh my goodness how excited are we? Our first intentional historical BL out of Korea!

We already knew Hong Kong was doing a remake of Japan’s Ossan’s Love under the same name (not my favorite Japanese BL but so very popular) but it’s now reported to be coming to Viu in June. Who knows how the CFA will take it. Depends on whether Hong Kong bows before the NO GAY KISSES regs or if they are going to use this as a political nose thumb... things could get cray with this puppy (the original has several kisses and s shower scene). Are we back in Addicted territory only with added comedy and civil unrest?

Speaking of Japan, Absolute BL (AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko) dropped sooner than anyone thought, March 27. But being Japanese who knows how/when/if we get subs. Protag finds himself trapped in a world of BL, but being straight he fights against any hot guy that draws near, but the whole world (literally) is conspiring against him. It’s a parody adapted from a yoai.

What with Absolute BL from Japan plus Lovely Writer and Call it What You Want from Thailand, is 2021 the year of BL being ultra self referential? Sure feels like it.

In Case You Missed It

Faded a gay micro film from Taiwan from 2017 deals with parental acceptance and serves up a ton of BL tropes (piggyback, forehead kiss, etc). I’m pretty sure this was a propaganda piece for legalization of gay marriage, and it’s an interesting nugget of BL history as a result. Yes, it ends happy. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Man there’s a lot going on right now! Spring has sprung... I suppose. 

P.S. I cannot believe I missed Absolute BL as a blog name. Numbnuts = me. 

[geekynichelle]

So, I saw this tweet, and it started a conversation about the appeal of Harley Quinn, and I wrote this because I was possessed. It’s long so I put it below the cut. All opinions are my own.

Is Harleen Quinzel overrated? Honestly, I don’t know. Nor do I really care. Plenty of people love characters that others find overdone, and that shouldn’t have any bearing on whether or not they are liked on a personal level. You could equally say that Loki or Deadpool are overrated, and while I do believe race plays a role in why all three of these chaos agents are popular, gender is obviously why more people are vocal about finding Harley played out. 

Getting that out of the way, let’s dive into the nitty gritty. What the hell is appealing about this clown to a Black, queer and neurodivergent woman? To start I want to bring into play the idea that what Black women do and don’t enjoy is often put in a narrow box. Growing up I knew my mother liked action movies (even more so than my step-dad- huzzah for breaking gender stereotypes), and in her own words the reason for that is that she likes to see “people who deserve it get their ass kicked”. In our real life, society rarely dishes out justice for Black people the way we deserve, and while the action genre is made up of mostly white dudes, who is good and who is bad are clear cut, and we can always root for someone who punches out racists and misogynists. As a result I should have been less surprised that my mother would like Deadpool, but it still amuses me to this day. 

Deadpool, in his sequel film, has a moment when he with no hesitation shoots a man who he knows to be a child abuser, because unlike a traditional heroic figure there’s no question in his mind that that was the right thing to do. Whether this would be good in the real world or not is irrelevant because the catharsis comes from the fact that to Deadpool the child harmed mattered way more than anything other factors in that scenario. 

This is the appeal of those types of characters in general. Translating this to Harley Quinn in that way is easy. Evil deeds aside, her initial/general backstory is that she was a doctor (of psychology) that fresh out of grad school was sent to talk to the Joker, who in turn manipulated her compassion and convinced her to free him/join him. In the 90s animated series, which is where she first appears, the episode Mad Love shows us that not only was Harley taken advantage of, but also that she is extremely capable on her own. Batman point blank tells the Joker (after he’s hit her/tossed her out a window) that Harley is the only person that’s come that close to killing him. The Joker (who was initially going to leave her for good) realizes that he’s unleashed someone arguably better than him into the world, and like any abuser decides to get back on her good side to maintain control over her chaos rather than let her realize her worth. 

The new animated series dedicated just to Quinn, explores that notion further, and at some point during the second season sees Harley realize that she isn’t a hero or a villain, but rather a reactionary. She seems to have a soft spot for other abuse victims and in the series draws the line at over excessive killing, especially of innocent people. Ivy even states that while Harley is a criminal she is (at least in Ivy’s eyes) a good person. She has after all genuinely helped Ivy, and on occasion has helped save the day of her own free will. 

Obviously, like with any comic book character, how she is characterized depends on the writer, but it’s fair to say based on the media I’ve personally consumed putting Harley in a morality box is a wasted effort. What makes her special is that she resides in those grey areas. As I mentioned earlier her ability to reside there and remain popular of course relates to her whiteness, however I do think it’s important to remember that Harley Quinn is also Jewish and is therefore not a complete stranger to concepts of oppression. She is also in recent years officially considered Bisexual, and while all Batman villains are vaguely mental ill, she does fill up that category as well. 

I came across a tweet earlier today that suggested her whiteness is why many of her fans have turned her into a girlboss and downplayed her violence. I can certainly see where that person was coming from, but on a personal note, based on the above information that is certainly not the case for me. I know that I would enjoy Harley just as much (if not more) if she was a non-white woman, and that her violence and moral ambiguity are apart of what makes her a fun character. I’d never downplay her evil deeds. Granted, what I consider canon has a lot to do with the stories I’ve consumed (i.e I’ve never read anything about her involvement in the Jason Todd storyline therefore to me it doesn’t really exist), but ultimately Harley is no girlboss. She is a mess, and to quote Marie Kondo, “I love mess.” 

To put this further in perspective, when I was a kid I didn’t even know Bisexuality was a thing, but I did know that I liked when Harley and Ivy were together, and now as an adult who is out, seeing them officially canon affected me a bit more than I thought it would. They might not be good people, but I don’t think representation needs to always be about being squeaky clean. And ultimately that’s the rub isn’t it? Harley isn’t exactly like me and I’m not exactly like her, but she represents a level of chaos that yeah, as a marginalized person I’m not allowed to express. She can be a good person, but she can also be extremely outrageous. She shows that being the victim of abuse isn’t about how smart you are and that it can happen to anyone. She also shows that you can leave that behind and get stronger mentally and physically. In the case of the new animated series she does this without motherhood/babies thrust upon her, but through good friends who love her. 

Why Harley Quinn? Well, for me my current answer is because she’s complex. If you asked me as a child though, I’d probably say it’s because she was goofy and fun, and I wanted better for her than the Joker. Either way she’s currently being written by a Black, Disabled, Queer writer and as a long time fan, I absolutely look forward to the nuisances that’ll be added to the character as a result.

[sometimesiwritebadly]

Rogue Thoughts (Spencer Reid x FBI Agent!Reader)

Summary: Soulmates can occasionally hear each other’s thoughts. You happen to hear the thoughts of a fellow FBI Agent while you’re interviewing for a position at the BAU.

Check out the series

Warnings: Some language, but it’s just fluff

Notes: SOULMATE AU MOTHER HECKERS

Word Count: 2k

Masterlist

After nearly 30 years of listening to your soulmate’s thoughts, nothing could surprise you at this point. While most of your friends or family heard relatively normal things from their soulmates before they met, your head consisted of random facts about anything from mental illnesses you’d never heard of to Greek philosophy. Once, you had what you learned to be some of Friedmann’s equations stuck in your head for a week. Despite how little you cared for mathematics, your curiosity had given in eventually and you ended up googling it after 3 days. Whoever your soulmate is, he’s an absolute genius. 

Sometimes the thought of just how smart your soulmate is feels a little daunting; You’re not dumb, you have a master’s degree in Criminology and worked for the FBI, but you couldn’t help but wonder if your soulmate would be disappointed when the two of you finally meet. There’s no way of telling which of your thoughts your soulmate had heard from you over the years; maybe he learned about your study of criminals or some of the bad guys you’d managed to catch over the years...or maybe he learned about how you have almost every episode of Friends memorized. Recently, the thoughts you heard have become more frequent. Back when you were a kid, the thoughts you heard could be weeks or even months apart, but as you got older, you heard his thoughts more and more often. Your mom had said that must mean you’re going to meet your soulmate pretty soon; the same thing had happened with her and your father. 

“17 interviews and we still don’t have a replacement…”

The thought entered your head for a moment, but flickered away before it completed. “Don’t distract me today, soulmate. I’ve got a job interview.” You thought. Even though you don’t have any control over which thoughts he would hear, you hoped he had gotten your message. You currently worked in Crimes Against Children with the FBI, but after 4 years excelling in that area, one of the higher-ups, Strauss, had suggested applying for the renowned Behavioral Analysis Unit. You had become a profiler of sorts within CAC; when you were in college you had attended multiple lectures on the subject matter. Even though you weren’t officially trained, your bosses all agreed that you had the potential. Plus, the BAU had been down an agent for a while, so today you were meeting with SSA Hotchner.

When you arrived at the FBI headquarters today, instead of heading to your usual building, you went to the building where the BAU was held. Your nerves were getting the best of you as the elevator slowly made its way to the 6th floor, and to make matters worse, your soulmate’s thoughts were flying through your head at an astronomical rate. “I should book a flight to visit mom soon…” “Maybe we’ll finally get a new agent today....” “if Morgan tries to make me do his paperwork one more time…” Clearly, he hadn’t heard your plea to try and keep it down today. Or, he has just about as much control over which thoughts you heard as you did with his. Despite the foreign thoughts filling your head, you tried your best to stay focused as you exited the elevator and made your way towards Hotchner’s office. 

As you walked through the room, your eyes were pulled from your destination to the various people sitting at the desks. Or, more specifically, to a certain guy filling out paperwork diligently. “Holy fuck, he’s cute.” You thought. Almost immediately, his head snapped up towards you. “Did he…?” “Wow.” You both thought at the same time. This time, you stopped walking, and he pushed away from his desk to get a better look at you. Your interview had almost completely slipped your mind until you heard someone call your name.

“SSA Y/L/N?” You turned away from the guy, who you were now incredibly intrigued by, to the man you recognized as Aaron Hotchner. 

“SSA Hotchner, it’s good to see you again.” You said, giving him a wave. You weren’t a fan of shaking hands, although you were nervous your avoidance of the motion would come off unprofessional. Luckily, Hotchner didn’t seem to mind.

“Please, call me Hotch. My office is just this way, if you’d like to follow me.” Hotch led you to his office, where you took a seat in the chair across from his desk. Luckily, the thoughts from your soulmate - who may or may not be sitting right outside this office - had calmed down, so you had a clear head for your interview.

~~~

“Garcia!” Spencer burst into Garcia’s batcave, shocking the girl. Morgan stood next to her, looking at Spencer like he was insane.

“What’s wrong, pretty boy?”

“I need to know the name of the agent Hotch is interviewing right now.”

“Ok, you could’ve just asked like a normal person instead of giving me a heart attack!” Garcia grumbles, sitting in front of her computer to pull up the information. “Do I at least get a reason as to why you need to know about,” She paused, reading the name that had popped up on her screen, “SSA Y/N Y/L/N?” Spencer leaned down next to Garcia, so he could see the picture of you on the screen.

“Y/N Y/L/N…” The name felt perfect coming from his lips. It was like he never wanted to say another name again

“Reid? Seriously, what's up with this girl? Do you think she’s bad news?” Morgan asked, clearly concerned about Spencer’s actions

“N-no, I, um, I think she’s my soulmate.” Spencer whispered, not really registering what he had said until Garcia’s excited squeals finally tore his eyes away from the computer screen

“Oh my god this is the best thing that’s ever happened! Are you sure? Oh my god I need to do more research! No wait - if you think she’s your soulmate what are you doing in here with us! You need to be with her and fall in love and get married and name your first born after me like yesterday!” Garcia began rambling, grabbing Spencer’s hand and practically dragging him out of her office and back towards the bullpen. She continued talking as they walked over, while Morgan trailed behind with a wide smile on his face. 

Prentiss and JJ had been chatting at their desks when Garcia dragged Spencer in. “Code Red, ladies! Spencer Reid met his soulmate and she’s with Hotch right now!” Garcia announced, finally letting go of Spencer’s arm. 

“Holy shit!”

“Oh my god, Spence!”

Emily and JJ both gave Spencer a hug, while a blush rose to his cheeks. “I-I don’t know for sure yet. I just, it was like something was pulling me to her. And this time when I heard her thoughts it just felt so…” Spencer was at a loss for words, which was very rare for him. He couldn’t describe this brand new experience.

“Like everything suddenly made sense?” JJ suggested, as the only one in the group who actually knew what the experience of meeting your soulmate was like. 

“Yeah.” Spencer nervously began to play with his hands, turning to look at the door. Through the blinds of Hotch’s office, he could just make out where she was sitting. “Good luck.” He tried to send her the thought, knowing that if they really were soulmates, he should have more control over which thoughts she would hear or not. He may have been imagining it, but he swore she saw her figure get less tense through the blinds.

~~~

“Well, Agent Y/L/N, you’re certainly one of the best candidate’s I’ve interviewed so far. I know you still have an active case to finish with CAC, but once that’s resolved we’d love to have you transfer over here to the BAU.” Hotch said with a small smile.

“Thank you so much, Hotch! My current case is almost wrapped up, so I should be able to officially transfer within the next week or so.” You said with a smile. The both of you stood from your chairs, and Hotch opened his office door for you. Immediately, your eyes found the man again, and you found he was already looking at you. 

“Did you want to meet the rest of the team? Clearly, they’ve all decided it’s social hour anyways.” Hotch suggested, clearly not too pleased with the group that was very clearly not doing any work at the moment. He had mentioned that the team didn’t have a case right now, but you were sure there was still plenty of paperwork to get though.

“Yes! Please.” You said, maybe a little too enthusiastically. Even though you did want to be on good terms with the whole team, right now the only person you cared about was the man in the cardigan.

“Guys, this is SSA Y/N Y/L/N, she’ll be joining us here at the BAU soon. Y/L/N, this is SSAs Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau, and Dr. Spencer Reid. Penelope Garcia is our technical analyst, and SSA David Rossi should be around here somewhere-” 

Hotch was practically cut off by Penelope, who immediately pulled you in for a hug. You did your best to hide your discomfort, but you had always been a bit of a germaphobe.“Oh my God it’s so lovely to meet you, we’re all so excited for you to join our little family…” Penelope began to ramble as she pulled away from the hug, which you found endearing. 

“Is she like this all the time?” You thought. 

“Yes. You’ll get used to it.” Your eyes immediately move to Spencer’s. Dr. Spencer Reid.

“I’m sure I will. Don’t know if I’ll get used to talking in our minds though.” You think. You were completely tuned out of the conversation the other Agents had started, now focusing only on Spencer.

“Well, studies show that transitioning to life with a soulmate can be jarring, but not because of discomfort of hearing thoughts. It usually takes couples a long time to learn how to turn it off, which can result in soulmates getting to know each other’s secrets rather quickly. That’s why nearly 38% of soulmates will break up within a few months of starting a relationship, although it should be noted that 87% of those that break up will end up getting back together at some point in their lives.” Spencer’s thoughts began racing, and you suddenly understood all the random facts you had learned from him over the course of your life. As he told you the facts and figures of soulmates breaking up - not the best subject for a pair of soulmates that just met, but you didn’t mind - you noticed that the rest of the team had stopped talking and were now just watching you and Spencer converse in your heads.

“That probably explains why we’re talking with our thoughts instead of out loud. And why your team is staring.” Spencer’s cheeks reddened when he looked away from you and realized you were right.

“Honestly, I forgot they were there. Which is rare for me, I have an eidetic memory.” You laughed aloud at his remark, earning more confused looks from everyone else.

“Sorry, guys, I guess we got a little...distracted.” You spoke aloud for the first time in a few minutes. Spencer moved closer to you, his hand itching to take yours.

“Oh, please, don’t apologize, I was the same way with Will after we met. I know how overwhelming it can be at first.” Jennifer waved off your worries, and extended a hand towards you, “You can call me JJ, by the way.” 

“Oh, um, I don’t really shake hands, I’m a bit of a germaphobe.” You worried once again about coming off as rude, but this remark only made JJ, and the rest of the team laugh.

“Wow, you two really are soulmates, aren’t you.” Derek remarked, swinging his arm over Penelope’s shoulder as he spoke.

“I’m the same way.” Spencer explained to you, “It’s actually safer to kiss.”

“I’m sure we’ll put that to the test when we’re alone.” You didn’t think it was possible, but Spencer’s face became even more red after your thought entered his own head.

~~~

tagged: @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal

[alfafilly]

New Year New Me

I want to make a small New Years Resolution this year aimed specifically towards my role in the Sly Cooper fandom. It’s gonna be kinda long and venty so warning!! 

As a bit of backstory, I haven’t been in a fandom/actively drawing fanart since like... 2012 maybe? Like in terms of drawing fanart for the same series routinely. I went through a really stupid phase where I thought fanart was a waste of time because I had been hounded over and over again by peers and those I looked up to that only ORIGINAL © DO NOT STEAL content mattered. I looked down on fanart and used every excuse to belittle fanartists. I dunno if this was also in part due to the last fandom I was in being extremely toxic (that being the Invader Zim fandom. Booooois them 2006-2008 deviantART IZ days were something else) and my college experience constantly telling me “fanart in your portfolio is stinky bad no do that” (which is hotly debated btw).

Anyway... jumping into the Sly Cooper fandom has been extremely positive for me and helping me shed a lot of that negative attitude. Dare I say there was character development?! And while, for the most part, Sly fandom isn’t that toxic, there are elements of it that have caused much chaotic negativity within me that I am hoping to get rid of.

Maybe it’s a result of my former opinions about fanart, but I have always felt a sense of inadequacy, or as if I NEED to make my place in the fandom for me to be relevant and to matter. I have vented about this in the past. My first fanart piece was a compilation of my interpretations of the cast, and it was well received, and everyone talked about how they wanted me to draw more characters, to see more designs, etc. Which is why I said I wanted to redesign ALL the cast because the people DEMANDED IT!! This could be my way of placing myself in the fandom!!! HELL YEAH!!!

But it didn’t make me... happy, I guess? I DO enjoy redesigning, but when I do it under my own terms, with no pressure. I think coming out of art school made me put on blinders and tell myself what I used to believe in: “If you’re going to waste your time on fanart, better make it good. You know, people can hire you if you show good fanart! These redesigns could get you a job in the industry! You gotta ONLY do work that will benefit your end goal and nothing else!!” 

This often made me feel extreme guilt when I started drawing more of my Arpeggio content, or my Arpeggio AUs because despite how much fun I was having, that little voice in the back of my head was saying “No!! Stop drawing that!! Draw stuff that everyone will care about besides just you!!! You’re not going to get anywhere with this!! Drawing sexy Arpeggio won’t get you a job in the industry KJSNJKGNSKNGKJNAJ!!!!”

This mentality also crafted some uhh... extremely negative competitive attitudes towards other artists in the fandom. Certain artists would piss me off every time they posted to the point I would have to block them to stop seeing their work just to prevent these feelings. There is a notable artist I won’t name, but they do Sly redesigns too. I was fine with them initially, but after they blatantly stole one of my designs without crediting me I was LIVID. I called them out and they did apologize and changed the design, but every time I saw their work from then on out I had this insane urge to “beat them”. It was a sick competitive game. I felt jaded they ripped my design and kept getting popular anyway. TBH it’s rather petty and I am trying not to harbor any ill will towards them because I don’t think they meant anything by it and the design was rather insignificant in the whole scheme of things. But I still have them blocked or muted everywhere because I am still struggling to ignore that great urge every time I see their designs to drop everything I’m doing and draw my own redesigns out of unhealthy spite.

And I’m only briefly going to go over the god damn Deceit of Thieves drama. Apparently they are still making it into a legit game? They have a Patreon apparently and are posting stuff about it? I found out about that and the same sort of fiery rage filled me. But this was much less personal. Sure, I had given a critique to them but I honestly wanted the game/story/whatever to flourish? After seeing their poor reactions and being attacked by their white knights, my taste towards them grew bitter and I think my fellow Sly fans having the same bitterness fueled me to flat out grow a hatred for them. That’s kind of awful? I never expected to want another member of the fandom to have their project fail. What kind of asshole am I for wanting that?? I don’t want that. I want them to learn from their mistakes and make something great. Not hold some ridiculous resentment. I can decide not to support them if I wanted, but wishing failure is a whole other horrible thing.

So realizing this I knew I needed to... change my perspective on how I see myself in the fandom and how I process my feelings towards it. I don’t want to be here to produce soulless portfolio worthy content. I don’t want to compete with other artists or wish them ill. I just want to draw some god damn fanart of a series I love and that makes me happy! 

I’m posting this here as a way to hold accountability to myself and be honest. I started drawing Sly stuff again in 2017 so it’s been an issue appearing on and off the last 4 years and that’s... sad. It needs to end! I appreciate everyone in the fandom who has supported me in my endeavors, as ridiculous as they are. I can’t believe drawing and writing about a dumb bird man and cat lady and throwing my stupid OCs into the fray for my favorite childhood game has made me learn so much about myself, my work, and gained me so many great peers and friends. I definitely don’t want to stop any time soon! And I apologize profusely if I ever hurt anyone in some way because I lost sight of that (or was just a dick for whatever reason).

Thanks for your support, and I hope 2021 will bring me loads more positivity into my content!! 

[freebooter4ever]

i’ve seen the discussion going back and forth on boundaries and sexual objectification, and i don’t have much to add to the conversation other than to say everyone is allowed to determine their OWN ‘lines’ and just because we don’t vocalize them doesn’t make them any less valid. but here’s the limits i set for my blog if anyone feels it is important for them to know (<3):

personally I consider ‘characters’ fair game for anything goes, with ‘public personas’ a little more iffy. ‘RPF’ isn’t new - it just takes on a new more accessible/visible form nowadays. i remember reading my first fic about a ‘real person’ back in my LOTR fandom days - it was a story in first person perspective about the main character meeting orlando bloom on a plane before he was ‘famous’. like a lot of these types of stories, it wasnt so much about the person as it was about the meet cute. the actor was just a convenient placeholder with a handsome face and some personality quirks thrown in to make the romance/dialogue more specific. i personally dont read much xReader fic nowadays, but mostly only cause i’m an old fart who can’t relate to the ‘you’ format. i miss the good old days when people actually created OC’s and then inserted them into things LOL. but also LOL if you think i’ve gone an entire year of quarantine without some imagined personal fantasies of joe mazzello (or steve aoki in the years before)(ramilicious can attest to this. she can also attest to most of these fantasies ending in friendship rather than anything explicit cause that’s just how i roll these days lol). the line i draw is i would never post these types of fics in a place where the subject could accidentally find them - you have to go looking for this stuff on tumblr, most fics are given explicit ratings and under read-mores. with the blacklist tags it’s pretty easy to filter things out. its even easier to add filters to ao3 searches. i am NOT going to do something like message steve aoki and say ‘yeah i watched that movie Ibiza like five times, here is my 1k fic where you’re the dj and i’m the one night stand’. but obviously people still enjoy imagining scenarios like these otherwise movies like Ibiza wouldn’t exist?

for art, i consider anything already on display up for grabs, we all know a certain person’s ass is all over the place...all you have to do is google ‘need for speed’ and rami’s name. HOWEVER, in the case of actors i personally would not draw anything more explicit than what’s already there. i’m not gonna draw full frontal nudity for rami (unless he gifts us with it in a movie, i suppose) or anyone. this is 100% a personal choice for me. 

i was a sophomore or junior in college when i volunteered as a figure drawing monitor where i’d time the nude model’s poses and help them set up the stage and lighting and such. there was this one guy in his mid forties probably, a regular who came every week, and i always thought of him fondly till one day (the day after i ran into my Hot Programming TA during dinner and later sent him an email begging him to go on a date with me because i was desperate for kissing experience)(and Hot Programming TA emailed me back within minutes saying yes) this artist guy who i saw all the time and thought i knew fairly well, decided to draw me instead of the model. which would have been fine except he drew me naked. i was NOT naked at the time, i was wearing a shirt, and a bra, and a full prairie skirt with alternating calico and floral patterns. he drew what he imagined was underneath all that. he came up to me after the figure drawing session and showed me his drawings and told me i had been ‘glowing’ and my response was to laugh it off awkwardly and get the hell out of there as soon as i gave the model their pay check. but inwardly i was thinking a) i was NOT glowing for this creepy man twice my age and b) i did NOT give him consent to sexualize my body under my clothes and then SHOW me that objectification. i never said anything to him or anything else, i continued to be the monitor, and i continued to field off creepy advances from him including multiple job offers, but when i finally realized i could just...stop..and i passed the student volunteer monitor job on to my friend naeem, i also realized that what that older male artist did was NOT ok in my book. and it was probably not something he would do while naeem was monitoring.

nowadays im working in an industry that regularly objectifies female bodies. in the past year alone i have had to deal with requests to make breasts bigger, i have been given character rigs that in addition to the usual elbow, knee, and spine joints also have ‘nipple’ joints but ONLY for the women (to make them jiggle for animation), every time i send out a female pose i get it back with notes that push it further into the sexy type of body language reserved for women (twist the spine more! sway the back more! give it ‘energy!’), i have been told to erase wrinkles and fat and pores but ONLY for the women (men you ADD pores bc realism! and manliness!) and this is all me working for a company that is actually fairly progressive in terms of sexism compared to OTHER studios.

like it or not, sexual objectification is a huge part of specifically women’s lives and how we react to that is our business. for me, turning the tables and putting men on display feels like fair’s fair. i cant stop the men from doing it, so if i want to enjoy sexualizing male bodies, damn it im gonna! like dang it, boy do i want to send steve aoki a thank you note every time he posts a video of himself doing those ice baths during the sunset golden hour bc holy shit gorgeous or working out in his gym wearing VERY little clothes, but i dont because i know what its like when someone imposes their personal fantasies on the subject. or, god, there was that time i had to unfollow nicole’s insta for a while bc i had a very explicit dream about her and realized, shit, i need to take a break and get my emotions under control before i can refollow. and god some of the stuff i see dudes sending her during her live videos on mental illness/meditation is TOTALLY gross and not something they should be confronting her with. and she’s not even ‘famous’ famous. or how some fans send their idols explicit direct messages without consent. THAT feels inappropriate to me.

a part of me feels like i shouldn’t have to defend this. men don’t. they’re even encouraged in mass media to sexualize women. but i also recognize the importance of talking about consent. the importance of recognizing that a celebrity deserves to have their boundaries respected. these are my lines in fandom. other people have different lines they won’t cross, and that’s okay to me. i block or blacklist any blogs or tags i think go over the top.

heck, even in fandom-only spaces i still try to keep my own more sexual fantasies off this blog and only in private messages with my friends and mutuals, and i feel like that might come across as unintentionally prudish or judgmental sometimes. i’m not ‘horny on main’ very often. but like...every time i reblog that particular ‘washing machine’ gif of joe mazzello am i thinking about him naked and thinking about how he’s got very loooooong feet, and ‘gee i wonder if that means /other/ things are Too Big for my tastes’ but also ‘gosh wouldnt that make a pretty picture to draw’???? hell yeah.

i dont know who is gonna actually read this essay but yolo i guess :)

[jawritter]

The Arrangement

Part 18

Summery: You are a young girl that was raised in a small church in Dallas, TX. One of the only churches left in the state that still practices arranged marriages. When your betrothed ran off to California you thought you'd escape the fate you were trained for ever since a small child. Now upon the death your parents your fate seemed to be inescapable as he's returned, and is ready to take you as his bride.

Book Warnings: Arranged marriage, loss of virginity, smut, unprotected sex, angst, language, suicide attempt, battles with anxiety, struggles with mental illness, age gap (about 11 years), I think that’s it, chapters will have warnings of their own!

Chapter Warnings: Angst, social anxiety, some fluff in there, I think that’s everything.

Word Count: 2219

A/N: This book is a book about Christian and church based arranged marriages, I would like to take this moment to say that I DO NOT have ANYTHING against the Chirstian faith, and mean absolutely no harm to anyone! Especially Jensen’s family! This is a complete work of fiction, and should be treated as such!

Beta’d by the amazing @deanwanddamons who was awesome enough to do all this for me! It was a lot of work, and she deserves all the praise for it!!

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Want More? Check Out My Masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***SERIES MASTERLIST***

You don't really remember the rest of the flight into California. You slept pretty successfully most of the way,which surprised you a great deal, seeing as you were so nervous about flying to begin with; but the combined nervousness, and lack of sleep last night because of said nervousness, helped you drift off nuzzled safely in Jensen's arms, and knock out without much of an issue.

Jensen gently shook you awake after the plane had landed and was now holding your hand as he guided you through the airport toward the car that was waiting for you all. 

Clif was gracious enough to get everyone's bags and things, so that you all could go hide in the car, safely away from fans. No one wanted to get the fandom's hopes up about a reboot, just in the event that it didn't happen; and every time Jensen and Jared were seen together there was a fresh waive or rumors concerning the return of the show.

You couldn't wrap your head around the way people seemed to flock to them, stalk them, and follow them around to no end. Sitting on the computer for days, looking for a sighting of them. 

Jensen had been slowly introducing you into this lifestyle of being married to someone like him. He'd been taking you on dates and things close to home, and you knew it was only a matter of time before someone posted your picture online, and everyone learned your name. Jensen knew that as well, so he'd been slowly teaching you how to deal with all this madness.

Today, the fans got a picture with you at the airport, so you assumed by now that everyone in the fandom was speculating, and trying to tear you apart bit by bit. That's one reason why you didn't have social media, even though Jensen didn’t mind if you had it or not. He really didn't care for it, but it was necessary because of his line of work, advertising and what not.

You just didn’t want to see it. All the rumors and things that were bound to circulate about you. The way the two of you married wasn’t exactly “normal”, well for most American’s anyway, and you were sure people would still favor his ex wife over you ,even though she was the one that cheated on him. 

No one tried to approach as all of you made your way to the car, while Clif gathered up everyone’s things, and you were grateful for that. You had enough of ‘being out in the wild’ as Jared called it. 

Jensen's phone beeped and he pulled it from his pocket, looking down at it. Your heart started to hammer in your chest at an alarming rate.Was he already getting flack about being married to you? Would the fandom convince him that he should leave you? 

"Looks like they got our rooms  ready for us. All Clif has to do is pick up our keys, and we can go straight there. They said the meeting isn't until tomorrow. So we got today to rest up before the crazy starts."

You sat there looking up at him. His arm wrapped around you the best that he could in the car. 'Before the crazy starts.' What did he mean by that?

"Oh yeah," Jared said, shaking his head like he was amused at Jensen's lack of enthusiasm. "You know tomorrow will be long. Sitting in a room all day, trying to make everyone happy and meet everyone's demands before the show comes back."

Jensen just hummed in agreement, looking out the window as Clif pulled the car off toward the main road, dodging people as he went.

Jensen's phone went off again and he laughed a little before silencing it.

"Looks like Y/N has made quite the impression on the cast already. Felicia, Brianna, Rob, and Richard want us to all meet them for dinner tonight so they can meet her." he said to Jared with what you thought may have been a proud smirk, but you weren't so sure. 

Your heart jumped up in your chest, and you quickly looked down at your lap so that he couldn’t see how nervous you were. Of course he saw right through you. He'd learned your every move. The man was more observant than you gave him credit for.

Squeezing you tighter to him, he puts a light peak on your forehead. "It's okay baby girl, they will love you." 

You half smiled at him and snuggled yourself into his side, thankful for the bucket seats in the back of the SUV. He calms you, even when you feel like everything is raging against you. His warmth, his smell, the way you can lightly hear his heartbeat through his chest keeps you grounded when nothing else seems to be able to.

California was so different than what you had expected it to be. There seemed to be people everywhere. Everything was so bright all the time. The weather was warm, maybe even warmer than Texas, and it was December. Everything seemed a little more free here. 

Upon arrival at the hotel, Clif ran and grabbed everyone's key cards, and once we were all settled into our rooms with little difficulty Jensen came and wrapped his arms around you.

"How are you doing sweetheart? Are you okay today?"

Letting him surround you with his strong arms, and pull you into his chest, you close your eyes and just let him hold you in that moment. You were tired, that was for sure, even though you had slept on the plane. You were stressed.Things were about to change, and the last time things changed a great deal for you, let's be honest, you lost a lot, and your mind felt like it just couldn't keep up with it all. Then there was this dinner thing tonight.

"I’m okay. Jensen, Do you really think this whole meeting your friends for dinner thing and bringing me along is a good idea? I mean, Jared still isn't my biggest fan. What if they all hate me too?"

Jensen placed his forehead on top of yours, making you look him in the eyes. 

"Baby, everything is going to be fine. Jared is coming around. Don't worry about him, and as far as everyone else, they aren't as protective over me as Jared is. So don't worry. Everything will be just fine."

Jensen didn't seem nervous, even though you felt like you wanted to jump out of your skin. Looking down at yourself as he pulled away from you for a moment, you decided that maybe a shower and fixing yourself up a little bit wouldn't hurt. Fans may be out and about, and people knew what you looked like now. So going to the restaurant looking like a hobo wasn't really the best idea probably.

"I'm going to go take a shower, and get ready for tonight." you tell him quietly. He nods, giving you a little bit of space and time to yourself. 

"Okay, I'm going to go call them and see where we all are meeting, and what time they want to meet up. I don't want to be out too late, I want to have some alone time with you tonight."

------------------------------------------------

Less than three hours later you found yourself with Jensen sliding his hand in yours as the elevator descended to the bottom floor of the hotel. Jensen said the restaurant that all of you were eating at was walking distance from where you were staying, and you two should be fine just walking, that Jared was going to walk with the two of you as well.

You physically trembled with nerves, but you said nothing, just clung to Jensen's hand like if you let go you'd die.

"Everything is going to be fine Y/N.We've been married now for a while, they're going to love you. We've got a private table in the back of the restaurant, so fans won't be a problem. This is California, so they're used to seeing people like us in the area. Walking there isn't going to be an issue. Just relax baby." he said, bending down and kissing your lips lightly as the elevator came to a stop, pulling away just before the doors opened. 

You could already see Jared standing in the foyer of the hotel, looking around at the different flyers and things that were set up for tourists. He towered a good head and shoulders over most people in the building, so it wasn't like he was hard to spot. 

The walk to the little place that was something like a sports bar was only about three blocks up from the hotel.just as Jensen said.here was no one that even gave the three of you a second look. Jensen and Jared made fun of each other and anyone they saw along the way, laughing and joking like two teenage boys, rather than two grown ass men. 

Once inside the place, the hostess took you to the back of the place and seated you in a room where everyone was already waiting. The little room was completely concealed from the rest of the restaurant. Felica, Briana, Rob, and Richard all yelled their greeting as the three of you came into the room. They were like a bunch of kids that hadn't seen each other for a long time, each one getting up to greet the boys individually. 

"Jen, is this your wife?" the blonde woman you knew to be Briana from watching the con videos, said. You didn't realize you were hiding slightly behind him until you noticed that she had to lean  around Jensen to come face to face with you.

"Yeah, everyone this is Y/N. Y/N this is Rob, Richard, Briana, and Felica." 

They all greeted you warmly, but kept their distance, almost scensing you were nervous. Was it that obvious?

"Y/N a little shy guys, she's not used to all this, this all new to her." Jensen said, squeezing you tightly and planting a kiss on top of your forehead as he guided you around the table, sitting you next to Felica, before taking a seat on the other side of you. 

"So you guys ready for tomorrow?" Rob asked Jensen.The two of them dove into speculation and theories as to what was going to be brought to the table tomorrow. You sat there quietly as you watched all of them talk about things that were above your head. That went on for most of the dinner, only really breaking from their casual flowing conversation as the orders were taken and food was brought. You couldn't help but feel awkward, because you had nothing to interject into the conversation, then you couldn't help but be glad you didn't have to talk.You were a complicated creature.

"Y/N, how are you liking being married to Jensen?" Felica asked, leaning over and talking quietly as the boys were joking and making bets on if they would get this or that if they agreed to come back. Briana leaned into the conversation as well now, interested to hear what you were going to say.

"It's great! Jensen is wonderful." You really didn't know what to say. 

In all honesty even though  you and Jensen had been married for months, you really were just now starting to get to know each other, and getting comfortable with each other.

"I know that you guys didn't come by marriage the conventional way, but I can tell you this, the man is head over heels for you." Briana said, taking a swig  of her drink, looking at you more like a motherly figure than probably should have been allowed at this table of over grown adult children.

You smiled tightly and nodded, not really responding as you looked back down at your hands folded in your lap. 

The conversation carried on from there with them getting to know you a little more as the men acted... well, like themselves. 

It was finally time for the night to come to a close, and everyone stood and said their goodbyes. You were just about to walk out of the room with Jensen, when Briana yelled at you over the guys heads, running up to grab your arm.

"Felicia and I can't go to the meeting in the morning. Our isn't until tomorrow. Let's go get our nails done while we wait for the guys to come back and tell us the news!!!"

"Yes let's do it!" Felica interjected before you could get a word in.

"Well it's settled, two against one, we will pick you tomorrow Y/N!!" Briana said, grabbing her coat, kissing Jensen on the check and running off. You just stood there blinking for a moment. More social interaction. Great!!

"You will get used to her." Felica said, laughing as Jared grabbed her hat and took off running with it toward the street, and she chased after him yelling profanities, and laughing. 

Jensen laughed by your side, slipping his arm around you. You looked up at him, just watching him as he interacted with his old cast mates. He looked years younger around his friends when he finally let himself go. You couldn't deny him this opportunity to be around everyone again, and if they decided to bring the show back, seeing him like this was worth the fear. 

You only hoped one day he'd laugh with you like that.

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Tag List: @lyarr24​ @amandamdiehl​ @deanwanddamons​​ @imabitch4jensen​​ @rvgrsbrns​​ @bi-danvers0​​ @onethirstyunicorn​​ @i-love-superhero​​ @akshi8278​ @lyss-dw79​ @magssteenkamp​ @lemondropirwin​ @squirrelnotsam​ @hobby27​ @spnbaby-67​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @defenderrosetyler​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @thecreatiivecorner​  @aflamboyanceofgays @vicmc624​ @busy-bee-angel-misska​ @justanotherwinchester​ @brilovesdeanwinchester​ @idksupernatural​

[sokkabaddiebender2021]

Why I don’t think Azula should have a redemption arc

Ok so I know for a lot of people, this is probably going to be something you disagree with, and since it’s a TV show, that’s 100% valid. This is just how I personally feel.

So as an avid fan of avatar the last air bender, I see more then enough content and commentary related to the show. I absolutely love seeing what everyone has to say and I’m all for over analyzing the show because honestly it’s super fun.

The only side of the avatar fandom I really cannot seem to side with are the Azula stans. Don’t get me wrong, Azula was an absolutely incredible villain, and is most certainly one of a kind. Especially for animation, even outside of that, she is a marvel we may never get again.

I actually do like Azula as a villain. She was very entertaining and got more shit done then any other bad guy in the show.

HOWEVER, that does not mean that I like Azula as a person. This is where the water gets murky when it comes to those who defend Azula. This is where I start getting concerned about those who actually defend Azula’s psychopathic behavior.

There is no doubt in my mind that Azula needs serious help. She has a host of mental illnesses (most likely related to bi polar disorder or schizophrenia). Considering Ozai was an absolute shit head, he most definitely put pressure on her that no child should ever have. He pitted her against her own brother and it is quite obvious he actively taught her that being kind was being a weak. I am not saying she should be kicked to the curb to fend for herself. But I am also saying she shouldn’t get a redemption arc as Zuko did.

What makes Azula special is that she is a villain. She is a terrible person who is cruel and uncaring for others unless they can make her feel powerful. For a lot of people who defend Azula, they do not want to admit her cruelty. But actively throughout the series, even as a child, we see Azula’s cruelty.

Example 1

Azula is what, like eleven here and is very clearly happy that her thirteen year old brother is having half is face burnt off. The others in the background have more apathetic expressions, because there’s nothing enjoyable about the situation. The only other person who is joyful at a fucking child getting abused is Zhao, which just goes to show what a degenerate this guy is. If anything this draws a parallel between the two villains, and trust me, being compared to that dude isn’t great.

I am not an expert on mental health and illness related to it, but from what I have learned, I do believe Azula is a psychopath. Yes, she is heavily influenced by her father and culture to believe in wanting power and showing limited mercy and kindness, but the fact that here she actually takes pleasure in someone screaming in pain, is extremely disturbing and telling.

Example 2

As an even younger child, Azula still shows psychopathic traits. After her cousin dies, her grandfather dies, and her mother leaves, all Azula does is smile. It is a chilling moment, and it allows the audience to understand this girl’s emotions and connections to others is not the same as a regular person. Yes, Ozai taught her to not care for others and how to manipulate other people, but you can’t teach someone to enjoy the suffering of others. That is exactly what she does throughout the series (mostly with Zuko).

Now since many people say how Azula should get a redemption arc like Zuko, I’ll have to briefly touch on him as well.

Now there are many hints and more obvious examples in the first season, when Zuko is supposed to be the main villain, that he is not a cruel or evil person. He clearly cares for his uncle, as shown by when he chooses to save him for earthbenders in the Winter Solstice Part 1 rather then pursue the avatar. In the 3rd episode of the show with Zhao and Zuko’s Agni kai, we very clearly see that Zuko is not inherently bad.

Ex:

I distinctly remember this shot because Zuko has this very intense look of utter hatred in his eyes, because Zhao had almost done the same exact move that his father has done to him when he got his scar (something that traumatized him). But what does he do, he doesn’t burn Zhao. He doesn’t burn the man that has done nothing but belittle him and had no problem doing the same to him. Because Zuko doesn’t take pleasure in causing pain to other people. Azula does.

I could go on and on about how the series shows from the start that Zuko is not the real villain of the series, but I’ll save that for another time. Azula is set up from the very start, even before she is formerly introduced, as a viciously cruel person.

Having a redemption arc for Azula would almost be unfair compared to the perfectly crafted series long arc they have Zuko. She wasn’t established by the start like Zuko was to be a character that could earn redemption. It wouldn’t make sense in the context of her character.

Yes Azula is a fourteen year old. But using that as an excuse for her behaviors and actions isn’t right. By that age people should understand what is right and wrong, especially as something as basic as treating people with human decency. I know for myself I was raised in a close knit, homeschooled family who taught me that our family was somehow superior to a lot of people. When I started public school at 14, I began to learn that no, I wasn’t somehow superior to someone because of my last name, I was just a normal kid like everyone else.

Azula doesn’t seem to care to learn differently. She uses the people around her, and eventually, loses them all.

Perhaps, perhaps if she had a less shitty father you could say she would come out better. But you can use that excuse for any person out there who has been abused and continues that cycle. They never should have been abused, but that fact doesn’t matter if they perpetuate the same abuse they once received.

Because they are no longer the victim, but the abuser.

[universe-n-3276]

Carrying the Moon.

Summary: Something happens at the beginning of their last year at the university. Sander takes a life-changing decision.

Note: This fic follows what happened in my last social media au, it features the same characters but you can easily read it without knowing the whole story. I hope you’ll enjoy it.

Chapter 1

Sander never liked summer at all. It is always too hot, sweaty, and sticky. It also ruined his aesthetics, because his favorite clothes were more suited for the colder season. Shorts and flip flops did not exactly match his slightly edgy-artist style. And then, as if all of that wasn’t torture already, he had to store his precious Dr. Martens in the closet, together with his beloved leather jacket. Whenever it was time to leave it on the hanger and abandon it in the dark, for at least two months, his heart wept as if he were punishing his dearest friend.

However, June and July were usually bearable. He kept repeating to himself that, if the summer lasted only two months, it wouldn't be so bad. Instead, August always came by eventually, as if it was the Sunday of the year. August was just too much to deal with. Too hot, boring, and extremely long.

Not even the prospect of spending days with Robbe cheered him up anymore, because at some point they both agreed that the temperature was too hot to even try to cuddle, and all that sweat was worth only for some very specific occasions. Furthermore, their poor fan was close to his final act, becoming slower and slower every day.

That whole year had been extremely stressful for everyone.

It was their second last year of university, and all the members of the gang worked hard to catch up on the exams they had neglected, in order to graduate together, the following summer.

That had been the plan from the start, if it wasn’t for the fact that, nine months before, Charlotte got pregnant. Her boyfriend, Max, had pushed her to carry on with the pregnancy, but when she reached the seventh month, he simply disappeared. Everyone had feared for the physical and mental health of Charlotte and the baby. She cried for two weeks in a row, but then she was back on schedule, studying, and seeing her therapist.

On the 12th of August, Charlotte had given birth to a baby boy, and from that moment, everything went down quickly, because not even 24 hours later, she announced to everyone that she wanted to give her son up for adoption, but at last, her parents convinced her to take home the, still unnamed, newborn.

A month passed since that day, and nothing had changed. Her family and friends helped Charlotte to look after the child, but she refused to see and touch him in any way.

On a Wednesday morning, Sander walked into the apartment, where his mother had been living alone with Charlotte since their parents had divorced. It had been a fairly peaceful decision. They simply parted ways but decided to stay friends.

However, that day took a strange turn, when his mother greeted him with a sad look, rather than her cheerful smile, which both of the twins had inherited. She cradled Charlotte's baby in her arms, feeding him with a bottle of formula.

"I'm going to see how Charlotte is doing."

Sander said after greeting his mother with a kiss and gently stroking the baby's head. He felt a strange feeling growing in his stomach, as he headed to his sister's room.

"Charlotte’s not home. She left something on your bed though. You should read it. "

After his mother had uttered those words, all the happiness, with which he had left his home that morning, definitely disappeared. He walked briskly to his room, and on the bed, he found a letter with his name handwritten on the envelope. He quickly opened it.

His hands were shaking already.

Sander,

Your heart is probably pounding in your chest right now, so, listen to me for once in your life and sit down, close your eyes and breathe the way you should, when a panic attack is about to hit you. 

Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out.

You didn’t listen, right? You’re reading this fourth line, but your mind is so clouded with worry, that you haven't understood half of what I wrote. So go back, re-read everything, breathe and keep in mind that I'm fine.

Done?

Good.

You may be wondering where I am, and why I wrote you a letter, but I couldn't do what I'm about to do, looking you in the eyes. I don't often show it with my gestures and even less with words, but my bond with you is the most important of my life. You're the person I care the most about, and just one negative word from you would hurt me more than a thousand insults from someone else. This is why I am writing this because I know you wouldn't agree with my decision.

I have to go away, Sander. I worked too hard to build the life I wanted to live, and you know it. I struggled to keep up with my colleagues, and I tortured myself to do better than them, and eventually, I succeeded. 

I haven’t mentioned it to you, because, until last week, I hadn’t the gut to take this step, and in the last few months, my life has changed its direction so many times, that I didn't really know what to do with my dreams anymore.

I got the scholarship I applied for. The University of Sydney. Yes, Sydney in Australia. At this very moment, I am already at the airport. Don't try to stop me, please.

I assure you, it was a deliberate decision. This isn’t coming from a hormonal shift or my illness. You can ask my therapist, she knows everything, and I gave her permission to talk to you about me if you need to be reassured by her.

Over the past few years, I've seen you create a beautiful life for yourself. When we moved to Lucas' school, you had nothing, you started from scratch, and look how far you've come! You became a fantastic, loving, talented man. Whenever you walk into a room, everyone stops to look at you, because you are bright and dazzling, just like the sun. We are just mere planets, waiting for you to shine on us, even for the briefest moment. I know you will never believe it because, in that beautiful head of yours, you see yourself not as a star, not even as the moon. You see yourself as Pluto, a bigger asteroid that has been mistaken for a planet by some heedless scientist.

I have the strength to leave, only because I know that Robbe will always be next to you. You couldn't choose a better man to share your existence with. I know that, even if you’d break into a thousand pieces, he would be able to put you back together. 

I can't wait to see your whole life together, your engagement, marriage, and your five children, which I will love madly. I'll be there for all of these things, it's a promise, so don't be sad.

Regarding the other matter, which I know you are thinking about, I also took care of him. Ever since Max left, I knew, I couldn't do it alone, and that he would probably be better with someone else. Unfortunately, mom and dad are no longer together and don't want to take care of him alone. 

I just asked them to deal with the papers. I hope, he will be adopted soon by someone who can love him even if he carries the moon inside of him like me. 

I'm not fit to be a mother. I would be a burden to him, and I know this is the right choice.

I already miss you, Sander. 

Hug Robbe for me.

I love you.

Charlotte

Sander didn’t know when he had started to cry. He reread his sister's letter at least twenty times, to be able to understand it in its entirety.

Charlotte was gone.

She had taken the decision to give her baby up for adoption.

His head was spinning, he could still feel his heart running in his chest, but while he was reading that letter again for the fourteenth time, a thought had bravely made its way into his head. 

Sander couldn't fall apart, he had to be strong.

His new life was about to begin.

[next]

[jadelotusflower]

December/2020 Roundup

I hope everyone is getting through the holiday season alright! It’s been kind of a busy month for me and I didn’t have much time for creative pursuits, so the reading/watchlist is a little shorter this time.

December Roundup

World Without End by Ken Follet - set 150 years after Pillars of the Earth, again in the town of Kingsbridge, this time we follow the lives of two branches of the Builder family tree - the descendants of Aliena and Jack, Merthin and his brother Ralph, and those of Tom (through Martha), Caris, Petranilla and Godwyn. But miracle of miracles, there’s a second female pov in Gwenda to provide the peasant perspective.

This is in many ways a rinse and repeat of Pillars, where the goods guys suffer and suffer until the end when the bad guys get their comeuppance, and by now it’s starting to wear on me (there is one more novel set in Elizabeathan times, but I’m not sure I’ll bother with that one). While Pillars was set in the backdrop of The Anarchy, World covers the start of the Hundred Years War and the Black Death, and the latter seems rather prescient - Kingsbridge goes into a six month lockdown at one point, and not wearing masks becomes a political issue. As always, it’s the detail of day to day life I enjoy the most about these books, and Caris trailing the English army as they pillage France, and her efforts to fight the plague are confronting but compelling.

In fact I enjoyed Caris the most as a character, but was disappointed in her ending - she spends the whole novel reluctant to conform to the social expectations of women at the time and doesn’t want to be trapped by marriage and children, and yes she unwillingly becomes a nun, but in a way that gives her the freedom to pursue her interests in medicine (albeit still constrained by her gender). But rather than her happy ending having the power and satisfaction of prioress of the nunnery running the hospital (her life’s work), Caris renounces her vows and ends up married to Merthin after all. Maybe it’s that Merthin is a bit of a wet rag of a character, maybe I just bristle at Follett’s world where men can find satisfaction in the clergy (Prior Phillip being the best example), but for women marriage is always the pinnacle despite their abilities and success in other areas.

Also, Follett Never Write Another Sex Scene Challenge.

Smallville (seasons 1-3) - This has been a year of comfort watching for many people, a time to revisit those old shows we loved because they feel familiar in a time of uncertainty. This month I started a Smallville rewatch - I was a casual viewer back in the day but only really started to get interested about halfway through (when Lois showed up), so I’ve actually never seen it all the way from beginning to end. And well...the early seasons are a slog, let’s put it that way. Bad CGI and stilted acting aside, this was a teen drama first and foremost and the early noughties was strong with this one.

I remember never particularly caring for Chloe as a character, but wow is she painful in the early seasons, pining over Clark while he’s pining over Lana, but while his mooning is just annoying, she is almost manipulative in blaming him for not reciprocating her feelings and it’s very Nice Guy and cringe.

It’s funny, I remember not being a particular fan of Lana either, but I’m actually liking her a lot more on rewatch - wearing a necklace with part of the meteor that killed her parents is metal af. It is kind of weird to see grown man Lex hanging out with these fifteen year olds - I mean the actors don’t look it, but the characters are very much minors! Twenty-somethings should not be calling a teenager their best friend! It’s particularly creepy when the minute Lana turns 18 Lex develops romantic feels for her :-/

Once they start to bring in more of the Lore it gets better - I actually got very emotional when Christopher Reeve showed up - it’s such a great scene, and the strains of John Williams’ original themes in the background made me tear up. But the core concept was always an interesting one - that when Clark arrived the meteor rocks/kryptonite infected some of the population giving them superhuman abilities - lending credulity to the Monster of the Week episodes and the murder happy teenagers of Smallville. However they never really do a deep dive into the implications of Clark’s arrival and the meteor rock essentially causing widespread mental illness that’s dealt with either by these kids getting killed or institutionalised, but maybe that’s too heavy for this type of show.

It’s also very apparent (and disappointing) on rewatch just how quickly they sidelined Pete Ross, the only black character, who is unceremoniously booted at the end of the third season. Tale as old as time.

2020 Roundup

Books read:

Anne of Green Gables

Anne of Avonlea

Anne of the Island

Anne of Windy Poplars

Anne’s House of Dreams

Anne of Ingleside

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

The History of the Kings of Britain

The Pillars of the Earth

The Sunne in Splendour

Henry VIII and the Men Who Made Him

The Testaments

Kathryn: The Tainted Queen

Gutsy Women

Girl, Woman, Other

The Evening and the Morning

Women and Leadership

World Without End

That’s a total of 18, a vast improvement on last year, and I’ve really enjoyed getting back to books again.

Writing (complete):

Auld Lang Syne - 3169

The Years Are Rolled Away - 6026

Writing (wips):

The Lady of the Lake - 14,493

Against the Dying of the Light - 44,021

Turn Your Face to the Sun - 2064

Total: 70,093

That’s around 7k less than last year, and I haven’t progressed as far with my wips as I would have wanted (in fact my goal was to complete the three above) but oh well, here’s to a better and more productive 2021 and all that.

See you all next year x

[emgkheadcannons]

Hurt kells headcanons?

Hurt Kells Head Cannons

I don’t know if you mean physically, emotionally, or mentally, so let's see where this goes. Well it turned out really long and is more a fanfiction I’m sorry. So the story under the cut, WARNING, part of it is really sad, and brief mentions of suicidal thoughts. It’s a happy ending though. Okay enjoy.

Well it turned out really long and is more a fan fiction I’m sorry. 

Kelly is always hurting himself and Em is right behind him making sure he is okay. Kelly loves the attention and pampering, and Eminem is pretty sure Kelly is making him go gray.

Kelly is hazard prone. He has broken his arm running over parked cars, while drinking, cut his chest with a broken Jameson bottle, leaving scars, and has been hit by a double decker bus when he was in London. Kelly does a lot of reckless things all the time, he just gets back up, dust himself off, and continues on, even when he shouldn’t.

Kelly does not like not being able to do something, or having to slow down or worse having to have others slow down for you because he is hurt, but most of all he hates the useless feeling he gets from being injured. Sitting around, getting nothing done, depending on someone else for things. 

It’s not so bad when he is with Em. He doesn’t feel like a burden, or that Em is only being nice to him because he has to. He is Eminem, Rap God, Slim Shady, if he doesn’t want to do something he doesn’t have to. So Em choosing to help him, check on him constantly, and genuinely want to be with him, makes Kelly feel 

Eminem actually likes taking care of Kelly. He wishes he could dote on him all the time, not just when Kelly is hurting. Em is various about injuries and illnesses. He doesn’t mess around, and while he loves being able to dote on Kelly, he won’t let him get away with some of his usual antics. 

When Kelly gets hurt for doing something stupid like flipping over the back of the couch, or jumping off the roof of a car, you can bet Em Lectures the Hell out of him, after making sure he’s okay. Then he cuddles the hell out of his stupid boyfriend. 

It is one thing if Kelly gets hurt doing something stupid, it’s another if someone hurts Kelly. Em is very protective of his people, and Kelly is one. When a shitty reporter goes too far, making Kelly self conscious, Em hits back hard, black listing them from a ton of events, and getting other artists to refuse interviews with them. 

Kelly’s interview on Hot Ones made EM so mad. Watching his idiot boyfriend eat those hot wings, when they both know they are mild taco bell guys, is frustrating. Kelly is hurting himself, Em can’t stop him, and when he gets home his stomach will probably be upset. At least Em will get a night in with Kelly, even if it’s him watching a movie with Kelly, rubbing his back, while the blond chugs Pepto Bismol. 

Mentally

Kelly struggles with depression and anxiety. He is doing better now, but there is only one way to go when you hit rock bottom, and Kelly hit it back in 2018.

Kelly was mentally hurt at the end of 2018, after EM’s diss track came out, and it seemed like the world hated him. He could barely go outside without someone telling him how Em wiped the floor with him. He had people following him, threatening him, some even attacked him. He was worried about not only being booked, but also being able to perform, with how hostile people were being. Kelly was worried about Cassie being with him. What if someone decided to go after him, and she got caught up in it? He couldn’t live with himself if something happened to her, especially if it happened because of him

Kelly kept busy shooting movies, writing music, and whatever he could think of, to keep his mind from spiraling. Thinking those dark thoughts. ‘Would Cassie be better off without me? Would everyone be better off without me? What if I don’t get another gig, or role? How will I support her? …...Would anybody miss me?’

Kelly fell into depression, and his anxiety got out of control. Getting out of bed became a chore, and the crushing fear of failing everyone, made him wonder why he should even try if he was probably going to fail. He was able to get himself going most days, but the constant anxiety was draining, and he turned to alcohol, and drugs harder the weed to numb the feeling, which worked for a while. The problem is he had to use a little more every time to numb the pain. 

Becoming good friends with Pete Davidson and Dominic ‘Yungblud’ helped Kelly out a lot. He drank less, it was easier to get out of bed, and the crushing anxiety of living quieted down but they didn’t go away. It wasn't until Eminem found him during a panic attack, at a festival they were both performing at that things began to change. 

Eminem was wandering around the performers area one evening, close to some of the tour buses, when he heard something. He had nothing going on and wanted to find out what was making that noise. As Em got closer to the source of the sound, he saw a figure hunched over on themselves. He realized that it was a person, and it looked like they were having trouble breathing. Eminem rushed over to see if he could help. Kneeling down next to the person, Em sees that it is Machine Gun Kelly, and it looks like the kid is either having a panic attack, or a really bad trip. 

Taking a deep breath, Em wrapped an arm around the other rapper's shoulders, trying to steady him, before he started talking  “Hey, can you hear me? I need you to listen. It will all be okay. I need you to calm down. Take a deep breath.In, and out, in, and out.” The kid was responding but not as much as he would have liked. Making a decision, Em sat down in the grass, and pulled Kelly into his lap. It was a little awkward, but he made it work. “Alright Colson listen to me. I want you to match my breathing. Ready, in, and out. In, and out.” Em was finally getting the response he wanted, the guys breathing was slowing down, and becoming less erratic. “Okay, that's it. Just breath. It’s okay.” He didn’t smell any alcohol on his breath, so at least he wasn’t drunk, but he could still be high.

Eminem looked around and noticed that his tour bus was only two buses down. He couldn’t leave the kid here, and his band mates would most likely make it worse, so the last option was to take Machine Gun Kelly to his bus. He hated being so responsible. He didn’t even like the kid, but helping him was the right thing to do.

Eminem stood up, dragging Kelly up with him. He got under Kelly’s arm to help support him, but their height difference made it hard. Em gave up about three steps in, and just picked the guy up, carrying him the rest of the way. The older rapper noticed that Kelly was light, probably too light for someone his size. Em began to worry about what was going on with him. 

Once safely inside his bus, Eminem placed Kelly on his couch. He pulled out his phone and called Paul. He needed more information before he goes any further. 

He got his answers.

Apparently he has been receiving death threats lately, and someone broke into his tour bus tonight. The kid hadn’t gone out partying in a while, and seemed to be out of the public eye as much as possible. 

Em turned to look at the younger rapper, and really looked at him. Kelly’s eyes had dark circles around them, like he hadn’t been sleeping, and his skin looked pale and ashen. His face was gaunt, like he wasn’t eating well. His nails were chewed short and were unpainted. Looking at his outfit wasn’t his usual put together, fashionable self. He looked like shit. 

Marshall could tell that Colson was broken, he just didn’t know that he had a hand in breaking him.

Kelly wasn’t bad at ignoring what other people say, he just wasn’t the best at it, and if you paired that with how his life had been going for the past few months, it was pretty damn hard to ignore everything. The fact that Eminem, his rival, his idol, the man he liked, the man who destroyed him, found him during a panic attack, made him feel even worse. Crying in front of the man was just icing on the cake, of the shit show he called life. He had hit rock bottom and he knew it. Eminem knew it, and soon everybody else would. 

The shocking thing was that Eminem didn’t go after him. He didn’t insult Kelly, didn’t use his panic attack against him. He didn’t throw Kelly out once he had calmed down. Instead the guy let him stay the night. He even offered to help Kelly. 

Kelly was wondering if he was hallucinating. After all that has happened, after everything he has done why would Eminem offer him help. He didn’t know whether to trust the older rapper or not, but he has already lost so much, what else does he have to lose?

Emotionally

Trusting Eminem was the right thing for Kelly to do. They publicly squashed their beef, and that really helped with people coming after him, and the death threats have slowed down a lot. It didn’t end there though. Em convinced him to see someone about his depression and anxiety, which now that he knows that he has, he has a better handle on them. He has given up all his drugs, except weed. This is the cleanest he has been in years. He now drinks occasionally, and when he wants, rather than feeling like he had to drink or high to function. 

Another benefit of trusting Eminem is that Kelly and Eminem were becoming friends. Em saw that Kelly was going down the same path he was years ago until Uncle Elton intervened, and now he was doing the same for Kelly.

Everything was going pretty well until Eminem realized that unlike him and Elton, he had feelings for Kelly, and that was a problem. How could he help him if he wants to date him. Only a few people know that Em is bi with a preference for men. He couldn’t tell Kelly. So Em does the dumb thing and starts to pull away. 

Kelly was starting to feel like he was getting his life back together, and was doing well. But with all things in Kelly’s life something has to go wrong. 

It starts with him and Em not hanging out as much, but Kelly just tells himself it’s because he is probably just busy. Then Em starts canceling plans on him. Their text conversations get shorter and shorter. The final piece is when Kelly finally gets to visit him, after months of trying, Em basically ignores him, won’t look at him, and practically dismisses him.

Kelly can’t take this rejection, not after everything that has happened. He makes it halfway down the hallway when his legs give out, and he starts to cry quietly. He is going over everything in his head trying to figure out what he did wrong. 

He doesn’t know how long he is there on the floor, crying, when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Why are you on the floor? Why are you crying” Em asks, wiping away a tear.

“I'm sorry.”

“Why are you sorry.”

“I...I don’t know.” Kelly sobs while tears run down his face. “I’m so sorry. I don’t … don’t know what I did to make you so mad at me. Please..hic...please don’t hate me”

Eminem is shocked. Why did Kelly think he was mad at him let alone hate him. Em was so confused.

“I’m sorry.” Kelly kept on repeating between sobs. 

Em did the only thing he could think of. He scopes Kelly up in his arms and takes him to his bedroom, placing Kelly on his bed, and wraps him up in his comforter. Kelly continues to apologize and sobs the whole time this is happening. When he finally quiets down, Em is holding him, like he did when Kelly had his panic attack months ago. 

“What did I do wrong?” Kelly rasps, voice hoarse from crying. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about, but you haven’t done anything wrong, and I’m not mad at you.” Em replies.

“Then why don’t you like me anymore. You helped me get my life back together, and we were like friends, but then you started avoiding me, canceling on me, and today you ignored me and then dismissed me, like I was nothing. I don’t understand. I thought we were friends.” 

“We are friends, Kelly I promise. You have done nothing wrong. I did something wrong.”

Kelly was so confused. The look he was giving Eminem was adorable and pitiful; it makes Em’s feel terrible for how he treated Kells. Looking back he can see why Kelly thinks he hates him. With a heavy sigh, Em makes himself more comfortable before telling Kelly the truth. 

“Not a lot of people know this but I am bisexual, and the reason I was avoiding you was because I have feelings for you. You don’t need me around wanting you when you are trying to make yourself better. I thought it would be better if I removed myself, but I clearly didn’t think how it would look to you. I’m sorry.” 

Kelly buries his face in the junction of Em’s neck. He can feel the tears, from the other man, falling onto his collar bone. Kelly mumbles something that Em can’t make out. 

“I’m sorry Kelly I couldn’t understand what you said.”

“Do you still like me?” Kelly asks a little louder.

EM takes a deep breath, and breaths out before replying. 

“Yes, Kell-”

“Colson. My real name is colson.”

“Yes Colson, I still like you.”

“You really hurt me, Em-”

“Marshall. If I get to call you Colson, you can call me Marshal.”

“You really hurt me Marshal. I thought I had done something to make you hate me. I thought I was going to go back to how I was. Drinking and being high to just get through the day.”

“I’m so sorry Colson. I promise I won’t ever do that again.”

“That’s good, because I like you too.”

After clearing everything up between them, and working on their communication, Em and Kelly start dating. 

(Using there real names are for serious, and super important moments)

Physically

A few months into their relationship, things are going well for them, and the people important to them know they are dating. Most took it well, and the few that didn’t (Rook), didn’t like it because they don’t like one of them (Rook still hates Eminem). Most people have stopped bothering Kelly for the beef, and the death threats have basically stopped.

Kelly had just finished his final concert in Detroit, and a whole week off to visit with his boyfriend, before he had to be somewhere. All they had to do was pack up the equipment, and make sure everyone was good then Kelly could head out.

About thirty minutes past midnight Kelly is heading to his car, when he gets jumped. Three guys come out of the shadows and corner him. Before he could say anything, never mind hand over his wallet, he gets punched in the gut. They continue to wail on Kelly, punching and kicking him, as he struggles to get away. Once beaten to a bloody mess, the men stop. He hears one of them say “that’s what a bitch like you gets for coming to Eminem’s town.” He always knew Detroit was dangerous, but he never thought he would be beaten up for his beef with Em after they ended it, especially after they started dating. He laid there for a moment trying to get up. His whole body hurt. He was bleeding from a few different cuts, his head really hurts, and his vision is blurry. He doesn’t know the extent of his injuries, but he hopes that he won’t need a cast. 

When he finally gets into a sitting position, he sees his phone a few feet away, and miraculously it only has a few cracks on the screen from him dropping it. He calls Em, to come and get him.

Em rushes to Kelly. He brings his security too, to make sure no one else jumps Kelly. EM drives them to the hospital to have him checked out; his boy doesn’t look good.

Kelly is worse for the ware but he will be okay; it could have been much worse. He is covered in cuts, and bruises. He needs 4 stitches for a gash on his back, and gets his nose reset. Beside those injuries Kelly ends up with cracked ribs, a dislocated shoulder, two broken fingers, a badly sprained ankle, and the doctor confirms he has a concussion. The antiseptic hurt like a bitch, but it’s when they pop his shoulder back in place that he starts to tear up. The doctors agree to release Kelly into Em’s care, with strict orders on what the blond could and couldn’t do, and a few different prescriptions.

Eminem is beyond furious. Some dipshits thought they could jump his boy, beat the shit out of him, and get away with it. Fuck no. He will deal with them later. He wants blood but Kelly needs him right now. He sends two of his guys though to find out what they can.

It’s after four am when they get home. Em carries him up the stairs and tucks him into bed, careful of his injuries. He pulls the curtains tight, and makes sure the room only has a soft, dim light. He reviews the doctor's notes on how to take care of his boyfriend, and puts Kelly’s meds on the bedside table. Em checks the mini fridge in his room is stocked up on water and Gatorade. Once he feels good that he has done everything he could for now, he sets an alarm to wake Kelly up in an hour, and joins him on the bed. 

Kelly wants to sleep most of the morning, but his boyfriend keeps waking him up.

“I know you want to sleep sweetheart but you have a concussion. You can go back to sleep in a minute okay. Come on pet.” This goes on until nearly three. Kelly is still tired, but he hurts all over, and his head is killing him. 

Em is sitting on his bed, his back against his headboard, with his legs stretched out in front of him. Kelly’s head is pillowed in his lap, and he is carding his fingers gently through the blond hair. A notebook on his other side, so he can write some lyrics. 

“Hey Em, I’m kinda hungry.” 

“Does anything sound good to you?”

“Not really, sorry”

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. I’ll figure something out. Will you be okay by yourself?”

“Yeah you don’t have to worry about me.”

Em untangled himself from Kelly and headed to the kitchen. He had thought ahead and ordered some chicken soup, and already had the good bread from the bakery Kelly likes, for his visit. He passes on the sweet treats he had ordered with the bread. Kelly’s stomach is probably not up to it, but he does snag a banana before heading back up.

Kelly is right where he left him. If it wasn’t for all of the bandages he would have thought his boyfriend had dozed off.  Kelly should be up, chatting his ear off, doing something ridiculous, and generally just moving about. It broke his heart to see him like this. 

For the next few hours Em resumes gently, petting Kelly’s hair, and softly talks to him, about anything he could think of. Kelly isn’t really listening, but Em didn’t expect him to. Kelly does fall back asleep later, and the older rapper gets to work. 

He takes his phone out, pulling up Paul’s contact, and seeing if he has any news, on the guys who attacked Kelly. He’s not really expecting much, but is hoping for something good. Paul messages him that there is some grainy security footage and the police have a few leads. It was better than Em expected, but not as good as he was hoping for. He then checks in with the two men he sent out this morning. Their news is a little better. They think they have the name of one of the men. 

Em would love nothing more than to beat the shit out of these pieces of shit, but he keeps himself in check. He has to be smart about this, beating the shit out of them would only make him feel better, not Kelly, and if he throws a punch, they could sue him, and it could make things messy for Kelly and him. People would want to know why he would go to such lengths for the blonde. 

He gets up, making sure Kelly will be okay for a bit before heading to his office to make some calls. 

Kelly wakes up, and is confused. His head really hurt, and his body felt like a giant bruise. It all came back, the concert, the attack, the hospital, and Em. He reaches an arm out, trying to feel where his boyfriend was. When he couldn’t feel anyone, he opened his eyes, which wasn’t great. Even the very dim light hurt his eyes, making his headache even worse, and his vision was still blurry. He shut his eyes quickly, trying to make the pain stop. Where was Em? Kelly didn’t know what to do. Em had left him by himself, and he was hurting so bad. 

‘Was Em upset with him? For being such a burden? For being so weak that he couldn’t defend himself? Does Em even want to be with someone so useless?’ Kelly knew that these thoughts weren’t true but his head hurt and he couldn’t concentrate. He had to do something though. Anything but lay there, with his thoughts sprilling. 

Kelly gingerly pushes himself up into a sitting position, careful of his shoulder and ribs. It wasn’t great but it was better. He then scoots to the side of the bed and tries to stand up. It takes a few tries, but he does manage to stand up, leaning heavily on the bed side table. He takes a few steps toward the bedroom door, before his knees give out, and he crumples to the floor. Tears begin to well up in his eyes from the physical pain, and from the feeling of complete failure. Not only was he in more pain now, he couldn’t even make it to the damn door. His thoughts came back, even worse. Kelly’s breaths began to grow quickery, and shallower the longer he lay on the floor, panicking over what Em seeing him, and realizing how useless he was.

Em had finished up his phone calls, and was heading back to Kelly, when he heard a weird sound. He knows that sound, but couldn’t remember where he heard it before, then it hits him. It’s almost the same sound he heard Kelly making, the night he found Kelly, having a panic attack.

“Shit” Em says, as he rushes to the door of his room, opening it quickly, to see Kelly, curled up on the floor, tears running down his face, and breathing very fast and shallow. Not wasting a moment, Em kneels down, gently scooping Kelly up into his arms, before heading to the bed. He sits down holding the injured man close, making sure not to aggravate any of his injuries more than they already had been, and gently starts rubbing circles on his back.

“Shh it’s okay, Colson. You are okay. I’m here. I promise I won’t leave again.” Em says, trying to calm the younger man down. 

Kelly falls asleep like that, in Eminem’s arms. His boyfriend doesn’t know why Kelly tried getting up, or what triggered his panic attack, but he’s going to ask him when he wakes up.

Kelly ends up spending the next two weeks with Em in Detroit, being doted on. Em hardly left his side, after the incident. The first few days were ruff. Em was waking him up every few hours because of his concussion; he was sore and didn’t want to move. His medicine was hard to keep down. Also his concussion made him dizzy, and nauseous; his vision would sometimes get blurry, and his head almost always hurt. Em was with him, helping him do everything, which made Kelly feel like dead weight, and doubt his self worth, but Em saw the signs. Em was there when the younger man was at his lowest, he knew the signs of Kelly’s depression and anxiety, and was always watching for them. He made sure that Kelly knew that he was not a burden, that there was no way he blamed the blond for the attack, that he still wanted him around, that he wasn’t useless, and that he still loved Kelly. 

Em would change his bandages, treat his wounds, help him around the house, and just take care of him. Whenever Kelly was hungry, Em brought him food he could handle, and he enjoyed, like the garlic tomato soup, and skyline chili. They also discovered that Em likes hand feeding Kelly, as much as Kelly likes being fed. Em always wants Kelly to eat more, and if hand feeding the blond then it is a win, win in his eyes.

When Kelly would say that he was sore the older rapper would run him a bath. The warm water felt good to his achy body. Em wouldn’t put any of his bath stuff in the water, worried it might aggravate something, but he did join Kelly a few times. 

Em kept him away from electronic screens as much as possible, but by the end of the two weeks, Kelly really wanted his phone back. He knew looking at his phone, and watching tv was bad for his concussion but he wanted to mindlessly scroll through instagram, see the new drama on twitter, and catch up with everything going on. 

The best part was when Em would sit with him most of the day. Sometimes he would literally sit with Kelly, sometimes with Kelly in his lap, and work on verses, other times he would cuddle Kelly, telling him about what's going on with friends, and people in general. Em holding him, petting his hair, checking on him, and even simply being near to make sure he was doing okay, made Kelly feel better. These actions made Kelly feel cherished, pampered, and loved, and for once didn’t feel terrible about being taken care of. He was learning the difference between being a burden, and being taken care of, and he liked it.

Em loved that Kelly was seeing the difference between wanting to doting on him, and being forced to take care of him. Hopefully Kelly continues to let Em take care of him, even when he’s not hurt. Slow days at home together, being domestic are his favorite. 

Note: EM’s feeding thing is a mix between his own body image issues, wanting Kelly to be healthy, and him actually enjoying feeding Kelly.

[crispipaper]

A polite letter to J.K. Rowling By a transgender fan of Harry Potter (TW. Suicide and trauma)

Dear JKR, 

My name is Alex Hernandez, and I have identified as a Harry Potter fan since I was six years old, and a non-binary/ transgender individual since I was sixteen. I recently read your essay concerning your opinions about transgender individuals, and your claim that by providing information you were ‘protecting natal girls and women.’ I was extremely disappointed when I read your piece, both as a queer person and as a Harry Potter fan. The factual information you provided was ill-informed and often taken out of context. The opinions you shared were harmful to many members of the trans community, and perpetuated stereotypes that we have been trying to dismantle for years. 

What stood out to me most in your essay was the insinuation that the only way a person could truly be considered transgender is if they underwent hormone replacement therapy and/or gender confirmation surgery. This is simply incorrect, as there are many people (myself included) who happily identify as trans that have chosen to or cannot undergo those types of treatments. It also completely leaves out the identity of non-binary, a-gender and gender fluid individuals, who do not subscribe to the binary gender identities that accompany these types of treatment. It is also not as simple to gain access to these procedures as you seem suggest, even within your home country of the United Kingdom.

In your writing, you state that “a man who intends to have no surgery and take no hormones may now secure himself a Gender Recognition Certificate and be a woman in the sight of the law.” According to the official website for the government of the United Kingdom, a person who wishes to obtain a Gender Recognition Certificate must be over the age of 18, have documented proof of a diagnoses of gender dysphoria, have lived as their intended gender for at least two years, and intend to live as this gender for the rest of their life (https://www.gov.uk/apply-gender-recognition-certificate). This clearly shows that a person must provide more than just their word in order to gain legal recognition of their gender by the British government. You are correct that surgery and hormones are not prerequisites for obtaining a GRC, however, medically transitioning is not a prerequisite for being a trans person. 

You also cited a very controversial study performed by Doctor Lisa Littman the supports the theory of Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria. According to this study, children and young adults are more likely to come out to their parents as transgender after engaging online with other trans individuals. Dr. Littman claims that according to the survey she conducted (which was directed at parents of children who had recently come out as trans), gender dysphoria can just appears out of nowhere during puberty, and that internet forums and peer pressure is a large contributing factor to this. However, there are several things wrong with her writing. To start, the survey she conducted in order to obtain her data was targeted at parents of children who had recently come out as trans and only posted to websites that were about parents questioning their teen’s recent coming out. She asked irrelevant questions about the child’s mental health, including whether or not they had been diagnosed with a mental illness prior to coming out, or if they had experienced trauma at some past point in their life. Although I understand that the article was taken down and re-reviewed, the author did not rescind her findings, and simply used the republication as a way to clarify what she had previously stated.  

The other aspect of your writing that stood out to me as particularly harmful to the trans community and those questioning their gender identity was the supposition that one could just “choose” to be trans because they have experienced trauma. Your experience as a survivor of domestic and sexual assault are real and valid, and your trauma regarding these situations is real and valid. However, this does not give you the right to suggest that you might have chosen to transition during these times in order to escape abuse. Transitioning (in your case) from an Assigned-Female-At-Birth (AFAB) individual to a male identifying individual does not automatically exempt you from abuse and violence typically experienced by cis-gendered women. It is not a choice people make because they have experienced a trauma. It is a recognition of what has always been true to them, that they were previously unable to freely express. 

Here’s where you seem to be missing the point. People who choose to transition from a female to a male are not trying to “escape womanhood.” What they are doing is finding ways to freely express themselves in the most authentic and truest way. For example, say you were born with red hair. But for years and years your family was dying your hair brown because it was more “socially acceptable” to have brown hair. You knew that you had red hair, and that wasn’t something that anyone could take away from you, even if they were trying to cover it up or pretend like it was brown. And one day, you meet a group of people who have naturally red hair, who are flaunting their red hair and making a point of not dying it to fit societal standards. And maybe you don’t agree with what these people are doing, and you continue to dye your hair. Or maybe, you realize that you’ve always preferred having red hair, and now you’ve come across a space where it’s ok to be a red head. These people understand what it’s like to have their hair dyed for years and years, and want to embrace their naturally red hair. That’s how it is for trans people. A trans man was always a man, he was just born into a woman’s body, and socialized as a woman. But once they encounter other trans people, and realize that these people will accept and love him for his true self, then he will “come out” because he realizes that he was always a man and now finally feels comfortable expressing that. 

I also want to take this opportunity to share with you my own personal journey of gender exploration, since the stories of non-binary trans people are often overlooked and rarely heard. I was assigned female at birth. I was given a traditionally female first name, and socialized as a girl for the first sixteen years of my life. However, even as a little kid I had a sense that something wasn’t quite right. When I was younger, I really didn’t like my name, and always wished I could have been called Amber or Ashley. I knew that I was not the person I wanted to be, but I didn’t have the language or understanding to really figure out how I was feeling. As I grew up, I came to embrace my feminine name, and to enjoy traditionally feminine things such as princesses and makeup.

Fast forward to high school, when I was beginning to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community. Before I got to high school, I didn’t know a single queer person my own age. Existing on the internet at the time, I encountered many stories of trans people, but the only ones I ever saw were of binary trans individuals. I knew that I didn’t want to be a man, but I also knew that I didn’t really want to be a woman either. So I cut my hair short and started wearing clothes that showed off less of my figure and that attempted to obscure my female form. When I was fifteen, I was doing a presentation on LGBTQ+ identities for school, and came across the term “non-binary individual.” At the same time, I was taking a class where we were learning about the history of feminism, and how many ancient cultures saw femininity and masculinity less as physical forms and appearances, but rather as energies that a person could embrace. Both of these streams of information collided, and I suddenly realized I had words to describe how I’d been feeling this whole time. I didn’t want to identify as a binary woman, and I didn’t want to identify as a binary male. Instead, I wanted the language that would allow me to feel comfortable traveling between these two energies. 

My personal definition of what it means to be a non-binary individual is a person who embraces both masculine and feminine energies, and can express themselves as one, neither or both. I keep my hair long and have chosen not to go on hormones or have reconstructive surgery partially due to trauma I experienced as a child, but also because I want to keep these aspects of feminine energy close to me. There are days where I feel more masculine, where I wear “mens” clothes and attempt to present as a more masculine individual. There are days where I want to feel more feminine, and I choose to wear skirts and makeup because that is what helps me to embrace my feminine energy. And there are days when I want to combine energies, so I will present myself as some combination of masculine and feminine presentations. 

All of this is just to say that when you, a person who has considerable influence especially on younger children, make these inflammatory statements and harmful claims, you are effectively telling children that this is not a world where they can be as authentic to themselves as possible. You are creating a hostile environment that encourages other people who share your ideas to be more vocal, which honestly does more harm than good. Many of those statistics that you quote about rising rates in teen and transgender suicide are often because people who feel forced to conceal their true identity would rather not exist in a world that won’t allow them to be who they really are. So if you are truly interested in changing public perception of transgender individuals, while continuing to support the education of children and the protection of women, I would suggest reading literature that directly opposes your view points, and having conversations with people (particularly trans people) who have real experiences and are willing to share them with you. 

Sincerely, 

Alex Hernandez (they/them)

[phantom-le6]

Film Review - Justice League vs The Fatal Five

Hello all, and welcome to my first review on Tumblr in the wake of Facebook scrapping its Notes functionality, thereby forcing me to shift platforms (a practice I hope I won’t have to keep repeating).  To kick off my use of this new posting platform, I’m reviewing one of the two new films I got for Christmas, or rather the two films that are totally new to my collection; the other films I got were better copies of films I already own.  Anyway, we’re taking another dip into the world of DC Comics direct-to-home release animation with a look at Justice League vs The Fatal Five.

Before we get in the review itself, however, quick bit of house-keeping for anyone who hasn’t read one of my reviews before. The structure of my reviews is intro paragraph or two, a plot summary for anyone who has seen the film before and wants to refresh their memory, then the review itself.  The plot and the review are both clearly labelled, so to avoid spoilers just scroll past the section headed as ‘plot’ to the one labelled ‘review’.  Got all that? Ok, then here we go… 

Plot (adapted from Wikipedia):

In the 31st century, Mano, Tharok and Persuader of the Fatal Five attack the Legion of Super-Heroes' headquarters for their time sphere. Star Boy, Saturn Girl and Brainiac 5 try to keep them back but fail. Just as the villains activate the sphere, Star Boy leaps at them and is taken along. Arriving in the 21st century above Earth, Star Boy triggers a boobytrap Brainiac 5 programmed, trapping the villains inside the sphere in a stasis field. Star Boy comes down in Gotham City while the sphere ends up in Metropolis. Star Boy discovers his supply of medicine, needed to stabilize his mind, was destroyed in his rough landing. As his medicine doesn't exist yet, Star Boy's increasingly erratic behaviour gets him apprehended by Batman and taken to Arkham Asylum. The stasis-locked time machine is picked up by Superman and brought to the Justice League's headquarters for analysis. 

Ten months later, Jessica Cruz is struggling with the trauma of her near-death by a murderer who killed her friends, making her afraid to leave her apartment. To add to her anxiety, she has been chosen by a Green Lantern power ring and Wonder Woman keeps trying to recruit her into the Justice League. In Gotham, Miss Martian is trying to prove herself to Batman for membership in the League, but her inexperience works against her good intentions. While trying to unlock the secret of the strange sphere, Mister Terrific accidentally brings down the stasis field, freeing its occupants. Superman and Mister Terrific fight them, but Superman is wounded by Persuader's axe and the villains escape.

 Star Boy's memory is jogged by a news report of the fight, and he breaks out of Arkham. The Justice League members compare notes about these mysterious assailants and discover they are time travellers; and from Star Boy's words, Batman deduces that they are after Jessica. When the three villains attack Jessica, Star Boy comes to her rescue, followed by Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Mister Terrific, and Miss Martian, who force them into flight after a hard struggle. In the aftermath, Star Boy and Jessica form a close friendship based on the fact that both of them are struggling with their mental health.

To find out more about their guests from the future, Batman instructs Miss Martian to telepathically link them (Batman, Miss Martian and Jessica) with Star Boy's memories, thus learning about the Legion. They witness a battle between the Legion and the Fatal Five, which ended with the capture of Mano's lover Emerald Empress and Validus; as there was no prison that could hold them in the 31st century, the Legion took them to Oa in the 21st century. They also learn that if Star Boy misses more than two doses of his medication, it will cease to work and prevent him being in the Legion. 

Upon their awakening, the League receives an ultimatum from Mano: Surrender Jessica or all American cities will be destroyed by bombs created by Tharok. The first bombings start in Metropolis, forcing the Justice League to move out. Left behind with Star Boy in the Watchtower, Jessica is contacted by Tharok through her ring, forcing her to surrender herself to the Five and enable them entry to Oa's prison cells. Despite interference by Kilowog and Salaak, Emerald Empress and Validus are freed, and when Jessica fights back, Persuader cleaves her ring in two. Afterwards, Emerald Empress has her Emerald Eye of Ekron steal the energy of the Central Power Battery, and the Five return to Earth to recover the time sphere. 

In the meantime, Star Boy discovers Jessica's absence and informs the League. The heroes proceed to the time machine's location, a secret US military base, where the Fatal Five force them into battle. Emerald Empress subdues the Justice League and then initiates her master plan to use the Lantern's power to destroy Earth's sun, wipe out humanity, and thus prevent the formation of the Legion in their time. On Oa, Jessica recovers her faith and determination, and by reciting the Green Lantern oath, she reassembles her power ring. Brought back to her apartment by the ring, Jessica flies to the base and prevents the Fatal Five from escaping back to their own era by bringing the whole base down upon them, killing the supervillains. 

Superman, Jessica and Star Boy race after the Eye, but are too late to prevent it from plunging into the sun. As the star cracks apart, Star Boy sacrifices himself by lowering himself into the sun's core and using his powers to reverse the fracturing. In the final scene as the Justice League members commemorate Star Boy's heroism, they are joined by the Legion who have come from the future to honour their fallen comrade. Batman also grants Miss Martian admission into the League for her bravery.

Review:

This film is basically an original story not adapted from anything in particular, and although it is done in the style of the DC Animated Universe that originally revolved around the Batman, Superman and Justice League animated shows of the 1990’s and 2000’s, it is apparently meant to be a stand-alone narrative.  Cast-wise, we get back the like of Kevin Conroy, George Newbern and Susan Eisenberg to reprise their roles as the DC Trinity (Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman) from the Justice League animated series, and well-known voice actors like Kevin Michael Richardson and Tara Strong also feature in this production. 

In terms of character, we’re certainly getting a bit of a different Justice League line-up while also getting DC’s future team the Legion of Superheroes worked into the mix, primarily through the character of Star Boy and the film’s antagonists the Fatal Five.  In terms of the League itself, the customary League core that is the DC Trinity is in place, but then we have no Flash, Miss Martian in place of the better-known Martian Manhunter, and Mr Terrific to add to the team’s diversity in place of using Cyborg.  Finally, we have Jessica Cruz as the team’s Green Lantern, and it’s the use of her and Star Boy in this film that makes this film stand out from any other DC films, because both of these heroes are neurodiverse. 

As fans of more modern DC comics stories, or anyone who has looked into this film’s behind-the-scenes extras, will know, Star Boy is a schizophrenic, but by the 31st century there is medication to manage the behaviours that this form of neurodiversity can cause, so it’s not an uncommon idea among DC’s writers to show Star Boy getting trapped in our time without this medication.  During the Justice League era between Infinity Crisis and Final Crisis (not long before DC did its new 52 reboot and decided to stick to buying pre-2000 Marvel lore), the comics did in fact do this as part of the Legion coming back in time to bring back Wally West, the then-Flash who had become stuck in the Speed Force with his wife and children during the Infinity Crisis. 

By the same token, Jessica Cruz is a Green Lantern who has crippling anxiety following a traumatic event, so she’s having to use a lot of willpower to overcome that anxiety and function like anyone else.  Given that Green Lanterns are chosen based on their ability to overcome great fear, not only does it make a lot of sense for someone battling anxiety to be chosen as a Green Lantern, but it also very effectively demonstrates a much more positive and healthier take on mental illness in the world of superheroes. Granted, DC isn’t being particularly original in this regard; Iron Man’s alcoholism in the comics and his PTSD in the MCU show that Marvel has at least one heroic character that they’ve been willing to showcase as a positive example of what people can do despite being mentally different to others.  Sadly, neither company has yet done a good, positive, accurate take on autism yet, but then if they did, I’d have less fodder for my novel writing. 

Putting two neurodiverse heroes at the core of this film really makes it a great one to watch just because for once it means the neurodiverse characters aren’t the stereotypical crazed villain types and the idiotic stereotypes that stem from such misuse of the mentally divergent in fiction get combatted a little.  Granted, it would have been nicer if DC and WB could have demonstrated this kind of pro-mental health attitude in its live-action film wing by not making the Joker solo film and doing something more akin to this film in its place. There is no doubt in my mind that DC and WB need to put more of the staff behind their animated films on DCEU projects if it ever hopes to seriously compete with the MCU. 

Otherwise, the film is largely just a good diversion; well-animated, well-performed, but not a huge level of plot depth despite putting two neurodiverse characters front and centre on the side of the heroes. Hopefully going forward DC and WB can address that on some future film, either animated or live-action.  For now, I’m going to content myself by handing down a score of 9 out of 10.

[popculturebuffet]

Hickman’s X-Men One Year In: Part 2: The Dawn of X

And we’re onto part 2. Since it took me a while to talk about Hickman’s Series outside of Giant-Size and the setup here, that’s in part one if your curious, I split this little retrospective into two parts, with this part here talking about the rest of the books. This isn’t to say they aren’t great, many of them are, it was just easier to do this as a two parter so with HIckman himself out of the way how did his hand picked batch of talented writers handle the lofty status quo he set up?Find out under the cut. Pax Krakoa baby. 

Mauraders Okay just to get this out of the way this is my second faviorite x-book running, after X-Men itself and it often equals it and far and away the best tile of the run and restored my faith in Gerry Duggan.  Duggan is not a bad writer and I blame the messy finish of his otherwise awesome guardians run with infnity wars on marvel trying to cram other characters into it and then a weird mash up idea that while cool, kept the guardians out of their own damn event and from confrting a now mad gamora, but that and deadpool made me forget the guy is a good writer and can do great things. Maruaders however won me back to him with intrest.  A unique concept, the x-men as pirates helping ferry goods to krakoan allied states and ferry trapped mutants from hostile ones, is fucking awesome. The only thing missing is nightcrawler and it’s clear hickman has other plans, though I still feel he shoudl’ve been on the boat as he has both the relation to kitty pryde and pirate pedgree that fit in perfectly.  Speaking of kitty after years of writers misusing her due to having a crush on her as a kid and shoving her into half baked romances with peter quill and her ex peter rasptuin, the latter failing so badly that marvel pulled the plug on their wedding because fans clearly didn’t want it, and battling my own reluctance ot see her front and center again, Duggan makes good use of her again: Kitty is given the unique hook of the portals not working for her and no one, even her old friend Doug after he gets back, being able to figure out WHY. Though I do hope Doug does show up here and explain it more, as him being kitty’s best friend once is rarely brought up since he got back and it’s silly it hasn’t been. But rather than take this on the chin Kitty strikes up a crew consisting of big sister Storm, first class graduate x-man, badass gay and kitty’s friend and ex iceman, bishop who reluctantly joins as her bishop more on that in a second and the best of them by a mile: Pyro. The original, finally brought back and given some intresting backstory: he was the first mutant brought back and felt good about it..t ill he realized that despite sacrificing himself to save a, if your familiar with the various cartoons this will be baffling but trust me, reformed senator kelly as Pyro himself was dying from the legacy virus, only to find out they did him first because they considered him expendable basically and naturally was upset over that, drunk a bunch of the liquor kitty smuggled in, for logan naturally, and passed out and then joined in on the rescue mission that formed the team because why not and stayed because it was a great offer.  Speaking of offers with a new purpose, Kitty accepted her old enemy Emma Frost’s offer to be red queen, which includes a seat on krakoa’s council and was basically emma’s way of saying fuck you to her old cohort who she was forced to bring back on to handle the seedier side of Krakoa’s dealings via his underworld connections, sebastian shaw. Emma is the fincical  backbone of krakoa, having the shipping connections to get the flowers in and out and now having kitty to handle the stuff she can’t and do some of the shipping, as well as again tell Sebastian, who naturally wants both gone and is pissy at Emma being so far ahead of him, wants gone. And while he’s seemingly succeded with kitty I not only have every expectation that while ressuection is failing to work on her she’ll be back, but that trying to murder one of the most beloved x-men whose consdiered family to among others three of krakoa’s captains, bishop after this series, four of their council, five if you include Doug whose best friends with both his left arm which is also a deadly space robot and the very place they live on. The only reason he’s not going to die 80 times in increasingily horrifying ways is because the five can’t take on that kind of workload and one murderous ass beating from half of krakoa and krakoa itself is close enough. 

Emma is easily one of the books best parts, being written back as she should: An anti hero who while quick with a cutting quip, truly cares for her charges, and mutantkind as a whole and has grown from the monster she started as or even the kind of person who’d use a therapy session from a desperate man having issues opening up emotionally after apocalypse used his body as a rental car to convince him to fuck her.  And yes that’s how things started with Scott and Emma and yes it’s really fucked up and yes the story treats it as such, though I still wish Scott would get actual therapy, but as Linkara recently pointed out in his House of M Review the Marvel and DC universes weirdly lack therapists for the most part and thus it was left on my mind the last two weeks.. and yes I know DC tried but when your final product at trying to serious tackle mental health is heroes in crisis.. I award you no points and god have mercy on your soul.  But while Emma and Kitty get the lions share of the focus the rest of the group is enjoyable, well done and intresting, if not given many arcs to themselves, but still have enough character moments to counterballance that. The standout of the rest of the crew is easily Pyro, taken from “why is he still dead despite being super popular and used in a heavy role in X2 that’s garnered fans of that version to this day and bafflement he became a foot note in the next movie and used in every adaptation” to fun side character with a skull on his face and a love of booze and setting things on fire. He’s finally given the respect he deserves sorta and while I hope more is delved into his ressurection angst, he’s a ton of fun and it again makes me wonder why it took 20+ years to bring him back, but i’m glad the right person did it. The rest of the crew are fun with Bishop being another standout.  That being said part of the reason there isn’t a lot of focus is simply because in additoin to our brave crew the book is juggling a LOT of characters.. the morlocks and calisto, both given a proper treatment after wya too long, jumbo carnation a minor character from morrisons run who was introduced in the same issue he died is emma’s designer, shinobi shaw and christian frost, the latter I question why a main relative of one of marvel’s a-list mutants who was one of marvel’s earlier gay characters hasn’t been used in a big way till now but no time like the present, Sebastian and the people he shares his big bad spot with Homines Verde aka those tweens who ran the hellfire club during jason aaron’s run because the man is nuts and who I only seemd to liked, brillinatly revamped as a racist replacemnt for the hellfire club and so far a clever threat. The book is just stuffed iwth good characters, beautiful art, and a great tone that combines spectacular humor with really good story and worldbuilding. It’s also a nice contrast to hickman’s stuff: don’t get me wrong I love hickman’s writing style but it’s nice to have something JUST as good.. but with a cheerier tone and less weariness to it, while still not lacking weight. I can’t wait to see where this goes.. it’s a pirates life for me. 

Excalibur:  Like most of the dawn of X-Line outside of fallen angels, more on that in a minute and even then that had an intresting new directoin for betsy braddock, I was pumped for this one. A team I loved: While I struggled to find a run I loved with Claremont’s run having Brian Braddock be a raging dick whose terrible to his girlfriend and gets away with cheating on her and Claremont not really bothering to explain Saturnyne or other characters and their history with Brian well to us yanks who never had the chance to read those tales.. though why stories by alan moore and chris claremont haven’t been republished properly or in epic collections is beyond me. Warren Ellis, who I now loathe for being a scheming weasel who treated women like garbage, had a decent run with plenty of warlock, in a weird phase where he thought he was doug, Moira and Wolfsbane stuff I loved.. but also had 30-40 something pete wisdom shacking up with 18 year old at most kitty pryde, with Pete at the time being basically Warren Ellis badass self insert character, and given recent revelations i’m pretty sure he damn well knew kitty was just 18 and even if he didn’t having his own fanfic character deflower her is just all kinds of EWWWWWW. He also had Colossus, fresh of being a villian for a while for understandable reasons, nearly beat pete into a coma in a jealous rage over the ex.. the ex he dated while she was still a minor, and left because HE , and editorial, was uncomfortable with it for damn obvious reasons. I can see why fans like to see her as bisexual and pair her with Illiayna.. I mean why the fuck not? They have better chemistry than most of he hetrosexual intrests and are paried because of that and not because the writer wanted to make out iwth kitty as a teenager and forgot “oh yeah she’s fictional and i’m 40!”  Christ thank god for Gerry Duggan.  But yeah moving on from that I was still pumped as a magical x-men book with Besty Braddock now captain freaking britan, and apocalypse on the roster. And rictor and jubille? nad rouge and gambit I guess.. I don’t knokw if they fit but whatever. Sign me up. The actual result is a mixed back. I do like Tini Howard’s work here to a point: Betsy gets good character stuff and theres actually good tension from the fact that the new captain britan is no longer primarily a british ctizen, and the book brought back a character I felt marvel needed to do more with: Jamie. if you don’t know, Jamie is betsy and brian’s, her brother and the former captain britian, older brother who went insane due to his powers and thus just goes around in his underwear convinced reality isn’t real and he can do what he wants and the tension with Jamie refusing to have anything to do with his brother for no good reason is really good. Rictor and Apocalypse are likewise good sensable additons: Rictor turns out to be a natural to being a druid which is a nice twist and makes sense given when he lost his powers the biggest issue with that was loosing touch with earth after having a connection to it be a vital part of him for years. Apocalypse as an ominus chess master slowly securing magic for mutantkind with some goal we’re about to get answers to is really investing and adds a layer to his character, that much like doctor doom he’s as much sorecer as he is scinetest and given the guy’s immortal, it dosen’t feel like it was pulled out of nowhere.  The problem is the other half of the cast.. dosen’t really work. I fucking love Jubilee, a faviroite of mine as an xman despite not being a huge 90′s x-men cartoon fan, just feels kinda shoe horned in. Her son becomes a dragon and she worries about him constantly, but her worrying about her son possibly not being a mutant on mutant land could be done in any other x-book, and fraknly I feel her personality would fit better with the maruaders, and it’d be intresting to see kitty and her on the same team since both really haven’t interacted. Here she just feels like “well tini wanted jubilee and no one else did soooo I made her son a dragon to justify getting her”. I feel more could be done and hope Tini has better plans for her. Rouge is one of my faviorte x-men and All New X Factor and Kelly Thompsons work with him and Rouge made me like Gambit again, and I DO love their marriage and it was a way better idea than the one Guggenhiem had planned.. but while the idea of Rouge being reborn is intresting and all, she still dosen’t really get to do much and like Jubilee just feels weirldy out of place while Remy has that plus he’s annoying, as while he’s the only one rightfully supscious of apocalypse he also won’t shut the fuck up about it for five minutes. Ig et where he’s coming from  but it dosen’t make him less annoying. These aren’t bad characters, but sof ar they just feel weirdly out of place in a magic based book and unlike Rictor tini hasn’t made any of htem but Rouge feel in place. 

That being said I could ignore that more.. but the villians are also week. So far at least, as the return of Satyurne has given the book it’s first good antagonist.. but what I feel drags the book down the most from it’s potential is the bad guys; Morgan Le Fay is the first antaognist, being mad at apocalypse’s intrusions and corrputing Brian.. but her motives are just so boring: She wants power and to rule, she hates mutants... while “hates mutants” is a qualifier for every other antagonist so far, she just feels bland.. Tini just dosen’t make her feel like a good antagonist and it’s a shame as mutant hater or not she’s something DIFFRENT from the throngs of mutant hating conspiracies, mostly from russia in the other books... she’s just so bland it dosen’t work. And after her is Cullen Bloodstone who as far as I can tell is written out of character.. haven’t read his book but I had both a friend confirm it and having read his marvel wiki entry, it just seems like an odd turn to have him be a racist asshole. But even with all my problems and underwhelm here.. I still WANT the book to get from okay to amazing, and feel it genuinely has the potetial. I’ve seen books sharply improve after a rough first arc, Duggan himself showed me that with his Guardians run. Sometimes it just takes time for something to truly blossom and I have a feeling even with my issues, with x of swords coming up howard’s going to flip it all on it’s head and leave me standing there gasping like a moron. I have hope for that. And if nothing else the book is at least UNIQUE. And not in a trainwreck way: by giving mutants a piece of the magic pie and having them tackle far weirder threats, it’s at least doing something new and it probably lands for other people if not me, and if nothing else it does brian 80 times better than the claremont run did. not a high bar but I do like the character and it’s nice to see him take such an intresting path, and the same goes for Betsy. Tini’s still got magic to do, and I have a feeling it’s going to take me by storm very soon. 

Fallen Angels: Now for the other half of the coin as it were. Some fans weren’t happy about Betsy getting her old body back, and yes Psylocke wasn’t orignally asian but a white british woman bodyswapped iwth a japanese assasian and yes that’s as ludicrious and unteitonally offensive as it sounds, because horrible implications of said Body Swap or not, Psylocke was one of the few asian superheros of note. So to compromise , Hickman and co decided to split the diffrence: Betsy would come back and get a rank up to captain britan, while Kwannon, said assasian, would take over as Psylocke. Hence Excalibur above and fallen angels here and I was excited about it. The Body Swap thing went on a decade too long and this way fans got the character they knew as Psylocke in another book while the face they recognized would finally get some fleshing out. I was excited about that and while probably the least excited about this book of the intitial 5, it did have an intresting lead, two characters I did like (Kid Cable I grant was only under hickman who turned him from that brat version of cable who killed the one I really love to a good character in his own right), and an intresting antagonist in a sentient machine.  In practice it was okay. The best I can say is that writer Brian Hill DOES do a great job taking a mostly minor x-character and really fleshing her out and making her engaging and Kwannon’s quest to save her daughter is really compelling.. but the premise of those who don’t fit with krakoa dosen’t work with the roster given. Laura Kinney is not only sticking with the x-23 name after dropping the wolverine mantle for no reason previously, something Hickman fixed as soon as he realized how fans felt for her apperance in the main book, while Cable feels nothing like the far more fun version from Hickman’s X-Men and later Duggan’s Cable. Add in Husk and Bling who do deserve to be on a team but feel out of place here, and it just.. is okay. The book has an intresting angagonist and a great lead, but just dosen’t work as a team book and would’ve been better off being JUST about kwannon herself, who is far and away the best part about the book and i’m glad she got fleshed out. Not TERRIBLE but nothing special and it’s a shame given the antagonist, whose name I can’t even remember at this point, is intresting and ties into mutantkind’s greatest enmies being man and machine accoridng to house and powers.. basically a decent concep twith a flawed execution. Maybe hill’ sbatman and hte outisders run is better. I need to get on that. That being said the premise and idea is so far being done well in Hellions which we’ll get to, even if I’m being cautious really getting into the book with Zeb Wells track record. But more on that in a bit. 

X-Force: Time to make noise, bad guys leave us no choice.. you know the rest. But yeah X-force. The concept here grabbed me, having X-Force rather than just be the black ops squad but be literal black ops for krakoa, was really great and fit the brave new world.. what worried me was the writer, Benjamin Percy. Now a lot of x-fans probably knew him from the much beloved “Wolverine: The Long Night” podcast, which i’ve heard is utterly fantastic as is it’s followup.. but I hadn’t heard it, and had only heard of Percy from DC comics where under his belt was an okay teen titans run and a not very good and politcally unsubtle green arrow book. And i’m not against politics in comics it just wasn’t done at all well there and the “oliver queen looses hif ourture due to a shadowy conspiracy thing” was already done better by jeff lemire. So yeah I was going to give this a chance but figured like those books it’d start strong and then peter out.  I. Was. Wronnnnggg. X-Force is easily one of the best of the dawn of x and uses said premise well. It started a bit roughly, mostly becasue the first arc idnd’t make clear x-force didn’t exist yet but was a great origin story: a squad of military commandos working for a shadowy consirtum who become x-force’s big bad, plunge onto Krakoa and massacre a bunch of mutantas and assinate charles xavier. He comes back, though it’s trickier for obvious reasons, but it’s clear from this, and from wolverine and kid omega’s sucessful investigation and finding domino, that this can’t go on and thus X-Forces is formed; The intellegence and black ops arm of Krakoa and the one arm of it’s goverment exempt from the ‘dont’ kill humans rule”. What followed was nearly a years worth of fast paced adventures with good character stuff: Wolverine is in his element, kid omega, while I had my doubts due to quinten being way overused , turned out to be a perfect choice basically being a more compitent teenage sterling archer, cocky and loving this but also really good at his job, while Domino gets a great arc dealing with her trauma over her mutalation and having some of her power stolen by the shadowy masked dickheads while Colossus deals with his trauma over what went down when he rescued some Russian mutants, with the book slowly building up new threats and towards a showdown with Russia, something that’s also been built up by conflicts in Wolverine and Mauraders, which again makes the world of x feel more like an actual world instead a bunch of comics in one cast herd.  Jean Grey is good for intellegence, though by now seems to have noped out as she couldn’t take the toll, it’s not for everyone and most notably after 5 or 6 years of being treated worse and worse and written worse and worse and becoming a bigger and bigger piece of shit Beast is FINALLY put in the right spot: his darker turns aren’t ignored but he’s back to being an actually intellegent hero as X-force’s director, still a bit greasy but now for good reason and without a god complex or some such bullshit and with a tiny bit of his humor back. Not much else to say really, X-Force is well paced, enjoyable and gritty, getting the spirit of the team at it’s best down right while doing something fresh with it. 

New Mutants (Ed Brisson) Last one, New Mutants is the odd duck of the dawn of x line in terms of how it was launched. Fallen Angels ended up being a mini series both due  to Hill being busy and it’s cast being needed elsewhere but will presmibly get a follow up later, but it’s not the ONLY mini series in the line with Fantastic four/x-men, the giant sized one shots and now Empyre: X-Men all debuting in wave 2. New Mutants however is the first book to change writers and said writer STARTED in the middle of hickman’s run, partly due to scheduling delays but even before that it was partly by design and those issues haven’t been collected yet, with hickman’s short run being collected first. So you have a run that builds off what Hickman started but with it’s own ideas that started insidei t and suprisingly it .. really works.  While I do think there are better books in the line Brisson’s new mutants is enjoyable, combining humor and character work. New Mutants focuses on the sextant, which was first brought up in hickman’s run, the series of habitats for younger mutants on krakoa that the new mutants look out for, and while the original new mutants are in space, Armor decides to try and bring some old friends in to join in paradise with the help of Glob Herman, that big pink guy with a visable skeleton and eyes, and Maxine and Manon, who in the tradition of layla miller were created for an event and not great htere but turned out amazing under the right writer.. who I think also wrote that event but whatever, a pair of empaths and telepaths who have trouble grasping the right ethics for using their powers.  The four go to get one of my faviorite x-men back: BEAK! I missed him even if he’s weirdly suddenly repowered. Beak and his wife Angel only haven’t joiend in with their kids because his dad’s sick, and things soon escalate when a bunch of criminals try holding them all hostage and it’s up to boom boom, bored since everyone left her alone, to save the day! After that we deal with Magik rangling them and the team’s new mission statment: not wanting ot mess up again like she did with beak, who did join them but not without loosing his dad and then his memory of his dad thanks to the twins misguided efforts, Armor still wants to try welcoming new mutants in with the vetrans help, and thus we have our puprose: focusing both on how these younger mutant 20 somethigns of various ages from early to late work together to make a better world nad help their own get back to this world. it’s intresting.. I’m not in love with it like mauraders or x-force, but it’s still pretty good and their first big foe so far, DoX, a blog that well.. doxes mutants that haven’t arrived yet, seems to be intresting. Not much to say just pretty good and and better at mixing comedy and character stuff, and getting the cast right. Ed Brisson had already proven himself on old man logan, but this cements him as one of the hottest new x-writers around and i’m glad he was given a book here. He’s also succeded in making me actually like Glob Herman so that’s a plus. 

Fantastic Four/X-Men The first title of wave 2 and easily one of the best, right up there with mauraders nad probably JUSST behind it and ONLY because i’ts a mini series, giving the X-Men their first real step into the rest of hte marvel universe. Sure the 4 had cameoed in the first issue and there’s been mentions of krakoa in other books and one off issues but mostly Krakoa really hadn’t impacted anything.. but that first issue also set things up with Scott’s conversation with Sue Richards

Yeah and in case those who haven’t been aware of what’s going on with the FF lately and either remember franklin as a 6-11 year old or wondered why the hell he was suddenly a teen when they read this crossover, it’s actually simple; At the end of secret wars the Richards family was put on a bus, also so marvel could shove the ff as a proper team out the door due to the whole fox rights thing, and when Dan Slott had brought them back.. and cleverly had more time pass for the richards than for the 616 proper, so he could age Franklin up to his late teens and Valeria up to her early ones, allowing the richards children to actually age since Franklin’s age always had to stay vauge due to marvel’s vage and wobbly time scale. This way they get both consitant ages and more agency.  But the return also came with a price as Franklin, who if you didn’t know is so powerful he can create whole universe and shape the sturcture of the universe, had his powers break saving his family, and thus since he came back, he’s onlyg got so much of them left in the tank before they run out entirely, and it’s been an issue for him in Slott’s run as he worries about being the normal human in a fantastic family and comes to a head here, though rather than Hickman himself, who as mentioned last time has a marvelous track record with the family or FF series writer dan slott Hickman choose a wild card for this, though had both Hickman and Slott’s permission to do whatever he wanted: Chip Zdarsky, a modern marvel for marvel who’d writtne the four in marvel two in one but for some reason didn’t get the main book and this book makes me hope whenever Dan Slott bows out he gets his turn and while this is his first x-men work, Zdarsky proves he’s just as good here as is in most of his work on Howard the Duck, Jughead and Star Lord.. a weird selection I know but all classics. 

With this power outage, Franklin is worried his dad is, at least subconciously, not really trying to help him and to make matters worse teh x-men show up to offer their help.. and Franklin his birthright. The arguments made by both sides are great and I will be covering the series in full soon but in a nutshell the four dont’ want to give up their son/nephew, Reed dosen’t trust Xavier and feels he wants to use his son’s powers while the x-men feel it’s franlin’s choice and he’s old enough to make it, he belongs with them and he’ll be safer there. It also works because Franklin understandably isn’t swayed by either as neither is reallyt alking to him more at him, especially his parents .. and only tries the gate when Kitty Pryde, the two  bonded back in the 80s and a young franklin stopped her from comitting suicide long story but really moving, is the only one to tell him it’s his choice. This dosen’t go quite well though since Reed Richards, father of the year, decided to make a device to mask his son’s mutant gene and no one, including his own family, is happy about htis.  Naturally Franklin, with Val’s help, runs away.. and then as if it couldn’t get worse DOOM shows up wanting to help so now it’s a three way dance between them for hte fate of franklin. The series has gorgeous art form the dodsons a really damn compelling story and great setup for further stories for both lines and feels like the best of both franchises. It’s the x-men’s first huge impact on the rest of the marvel universe,a nd it feels like it with the ending showing that and showing this might not be the last time both sides crossover. It’s everything you could want from a crossover and i’m only being so brief because I want to review it soon as a huge fan of both groups. Easily one of the best x-men stories of the line and one of the best stories for both groups period. 

Wolverine:  We’re onto the final two, and Percy’s second book and the first solo.. and it’s logan again! Makes sense though: Wolverine only just came back from the dead, and while both is daughter and alternate future self carried the woverline banner for him, the original hasn’t gotten his own ongoing in some time. And so far.. it’s pretty good> the first issues a bit messy due to it’s lenght, but overall the book is intresting and has Logan graple with being the best at waht he does and if he can be better or if he deserves paradise while also delivering a compelling solo mission teaming Wolverine up with a federal agent who resents mutants. it also does some good world building, explaning why Krakoan drugs have things like wait lists (they want to control production closely both to avoid having the flower taken away and for quality control), and expanding the russia subplot while using Dracula of all people as a major antagonist, which is clever especailly since this isn’t his first rodeo with the x-men. Just a fun book wiht loads of promise.

Hellions: NOt much to say here as it’s hard to judge after two issues, buti f nothing else this series brought back the delightfully batshit Nanny, who just with last weeks issue offered to nurse Greycrow (who had his name changed from scalphunter because of course marvel did why wouldn’t they) and falling down. It combines humor with an odd but well thought out cast and makes Alex Summers intresting without making everyone else assholes, a hard but earned feet. If it continues to be good.. I dunno, especially since i haven’t been impressed by any of zeb wells other works especially his new mutants run, good god that one’s am ess, but so far he’s winning me over with a clever concept and roster full of deep cuts.  Final Thoughts:  I won’t be covering Empyre: X_men, though I did enjoy it and i’l save that one for next time. For now this has been a hell of a year of x-men comics, with even the weaker books still having something intresting and none being outright terribule and only one had a bad grasp on some of it’s cast and for a line this big and expansive, that’s a gold medal achivment. After YEARS of stasis the x-men have finally risen again better, bolder and stranger than ever. IS every book A+ gold star etc etc, no, but what’s important.. is that it’s all DECENT. There’s enough standout books to make it work but as i’ve made clear what isn’t the best of the best is still good or decent. There’s nothing bad, no one phoning it in or not giving an effort, everyone is trying thier hardest and succeding on SOME level even if not completely and that.. that’s truly amazing and I look forward to more of it as this line continues. Pax Krakoa and hopefully i’ll see you again. 

[arlakos]

Why Miracle Queen doesn’t make sense. (SPOILERS just in case)

As most of you who have seen my blog know by now, I have found Season 3 to be somewhat of a mess. While having bit of a better writing and episodes overall compared to the rather boring season 2, it also had a lot of disappointing mistakes in terms of character writing and focus, and most episodes which could have been good often had a rather awkward or cringe moment that ruins the episode for me, such as the statue scene in Puppeteer 2. For fans who don't remember, let me remind you:

Now that I’ve mentally traumatized myself looking for this pic, let us continue:

On the topic of episodes, despite any cringey scenes that might be in the episodes, a lot of them are at the very least concise. Sure, the episodes usually have the same generic plot, non-hero moment, angry person, Akuma, hero fight, reset and repeat, but for the most part, they are ok... But even this season, there have been some episodes that have the most stupid plots that don't even make sense. From the horrifying Chameleon episode that had all class characters drop in IQ for the story to work, to the Feast Episode which restored the order of Guardians, but didn’t have them come to Paris to get the box back, there have been some rather stupid episodes...

...But none are more stupid than the Season Finale - Miracle Queen

For an episode that is not only confusing but bad, I could talk about the hundreds of mistakes that are present in episode, but other people can talk about that, or perhaps ill make another post regarding the episodes when I feel like breaking my fingers on my keyboard again, but right now I would like to focus on the 2 main plot holes that absolutely made no sense but ASS-TRUC, the man, the idiot, the infamous twitter legend, decided to do anyway.

So the first plot point I'm gonna talk about is.....

Chloe Bourgeois, aka Miracle Queen

For anyone who hates Chloe bourgeois, this episode would have probably left you jumping for joy, given the fact it pretty much gets her removed from the miraculous team.

For the rest of us, who I assume either like Chloe or find the episodes plot to make no sense, or both, this episode is quite contradictory to the entirety of the season, both because the seasons abnormal focus on Lila and her antics, and because of the fact that previous episodes had Chloe accept the fact that she couldn't become a hero.

In Miraculer, Chloe accepts the fact that she can’t become a hero again. Sure the episode has Chloe be upset at Ladybug, but in the end, she accepted that it was mean to be this way, and definitely shows no trace of wanting to join hawkmoth in any sort of capacity. 

Also, a small bit added in from my friend @twin-books​, who said this gem of a message:

“ Ah, in Miraculer what she displayed was confidence where she knew she would be Queen Bee again, she didn't doubt herself for a second. Chloe used to doubt herself, used to play the damsel, let others take care of her but this time she said, "No. I am Queen Bee and just because you won't give my comb doesn't make me anything less." Or at least, how I interpreted it.  By tearing the photo she was excepting that Ladybug didn't have faith as her as a hero, nor did she ever. That Ladybug ignored her in favor of someone she deemed worthy but Chloe knows she's worthy. She proved her worth and just because Ladybug can't see that doesn't mean she should believe it. It's also interesting how she completely takes it out on Ladybug but is fine with Chat because she knows where she stands with Chat and she may have never liked him but he displayed faith in her. He knew and that might just be what kept her going so she could gain her own confidence. “

So when Chloe is left angry in Miracle Queen because she wasn’t chosen and immediately joins Hawkmoth, it just doesn't make any sense because previous episodes contradict it.

NOW, to be fair, I would have been fine with Chloe joining Hawkmoth if there was a buildup to it. If they Had Hawkmoth come in between the episodes from Miraculer to Miracle Queen to try and persuade Chloe and/or have her doubt Ladybug, then the turn from hero to villain would make sense. Unfortunately, thanks to Ass-truc and his have-every-episode-be-a-single-story-episode-and-have-every-character-reset-fuck-you-continuity episode design, this doesn't happen and having Chloe go from a person who is selfish but at the very least is a hero to a full-on 2-d villain is jarring as shit. It would have made more sense for her to just take the miraculous and go rouge with it, but a full-on villain? C’mon.

Also, there's the fact that for the entire season the show has been pushing Lila to be this over the top manipulator and villain in the day to day lives of the heroes. If they really wanted to have someone be Miracle Queen, why not Lila. It would make sense considering a Miracle is something that happens that it seems so unreal, and given that Lila would probably like her lies to become real it would make sense for her to become Miracle Queen. 

Also where the hell was she all episode, she just disappeared out of existence for the entire episode. At least have her come and take the fox miraculous from Alya and have her be a secondary antagonist.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, now for the second plot hole...

The Miracle Box

It. Just. Doesn't. Make. Sense.

But to understand why, let me break it down.

- So due to Hawkmoth almost breaking through the barrier (and for whatever reason decided not to just jump away) Fu transfers ownership of the box to Marinette

-Because of the idiot logic of the show, there can only ever be on Guardian at a time, and because of the transfer, the previous Guardian loses their memories.

-The box also turns into an egg, for whatever reason.

Now, the only thing I dont mind about the whole scene is that the whole Guardian thing is magical in nature. Since Fu can do stuff like detect other Miraculi, it would make sense that the Guardian is more than just a title and has a magical aura around them that makes them a guardian. That being said, there are still a lot of trouble with this scene that rustle my jimmies to heck.

So lets go through the main problems with this plot hole.

-’There can only ever be one Guardian’

Bollocks. The flashback of the order clearly shows multiple individuals. And with the Sandboy episode showing Fu being haunted by a guardian with a female voice (yet also showing a male Guardian in Feast), it clearly shows that there are more than one Guardian in the order.

-’Upon transfer, the previous Guardian Loses their memories’

Again, this also doesn’t make sense. Even assuming that the Guardianship of box needs to have a magical transfer, making the previous Guardian lose their memories because of it makes no sense in the plot of the Miraculous Universe. Maybe it would make sense if the Guardian was but a single man (like in Fu’s case), but it doesn’t make as much sense when you remember the order it comes from.

See, the Order was located in Tibet, high away from the outside world, and the people who were there probably lived there all their life. So knowing these facts, why would it make sense for the previous owner to lose their memories? I can understand someone being a head guardian and then transferring the ownership when their time is up, but it doesn't make sense for them to just forget the order, they live there their entire lives, and would likely do so until their death. And the show implies that this is the actual way the ownership is transferred, and Marinette’s case wasn't a special case of an emergency transfer. It does make sense that the Guardians can remove memories of the order for people who have gone rogue or are expelled, but it doesn't make sense that the memory forgetting is entwined with the transfer of Guardianship.

-’The box turns into an egg, for whatever reason’

I'm not gonna explain it. Its a freaking box. A box that, while well designed, showed no capability of magic power at all for the entirety of the show. ITS A GODDAMN BOX AND IT MAKES NO SENSE FOR IT TO TURN INTO A POLKADOTTED EGG.

Though to be fair, in hindsight, a lot of this plot hole induced stupidity does have  a logical explanation for this:

Thomas Astruc and Zag

Or rather, Thomas Astruc and Zag quarrel.

See, when it comes to Ass-truc and his ideal show design, it would have been just simple about Marinette and why she is quote on quote  ‘awesome’. thats it. Pretty much every episode would be about Marinette being amazing, everyone loving her and kissing her feet, and nothing goes wrong for her in the same way as every Mary Sue ever written in a fanfic. The only difference being there was no main character to replace.

But Zag was having none of it. While Ass-truc wanted to just show off his OC, Zag wanted an actual show, and so made a lot of changes to it. Chat Noir, who in Astruc original comic idea was a one off character (and possibly a villain) got repurposed by Zag to be the second main character in the show. It also makes sense for every hero to have a mentor, which led to Zag creating Fu. Zag was also responsible for a bunch of other stuff to be added into the shows, such as additional heroes, Chloe becoming a good Guy, etc.

Of course, this made ASS-truc mad because that meant no 100% focus on the ‘goddess’ that is Marinette. So after bullying Zag off twitter via the use of his Stans (rip Zag twitter account- no posts since 2017) and forcing him off the Miraculous team after Season 1 (although this could also just be Zag focusing on other shows), Astruc had free reign to undo all that Zag had done. While Astruc did follow Zag's request due to owning half of the Miraculous license (being the guy that co-produced the show), he often twisted them so that they were skewed or couldn't last. The flashback of the order being destroyed? That was due to Fu being hungry and creating a monster in a plot induced stupidity. Chloe being a good guy? Yeah right, she sabotages a train just to save it and make herself look good, is an asshole regardless and then goes full-on villain. The other new heroes that help Ladybug? Gone, due to the same episode which prompted me to make this post.

Of course, this would impact the ratings of the show, forcing Zag to come back and fix Astruc’s mess in Season 4. Astruc knew that Zag returning would undo all the damage Astruc done to the show. So in a final bid attempt to keep this his way, he rewrote the finale, causing things in the show to actually become permanent and leaving Zag unable to fix anything. Thanks to Ass-truc, Fu is now gone forever, making Marinette the Guardian permanently, all the heroes aside from Ladybug and Chat Noir can’t be heroes anymore (leaving the focus entirely on Marinette), and Chloe now has become an irredeemable villain. All so that Astruc can brag on twitter about how Chloe ‘always was a villain’ and how ‘he was right all along’ despite being the one who wrote the character into existence.

And I’m not lying about this either or making it up. Even in the finale of the season 3 (particularly miracle queen) a lot of the time involves most of the characters standing around listening to dialogue and exposition rather than acting in ways they actually should (such as trying to save Fu or attacking Miracle Queen), no doubt due to the rewrites Astruc did before the finale was released, causing the animation to be very minimal or not making sense as there wasn't time to redo the animation. You can even see it in small amounts in episodes such as Glaciator and Troublemaker.

For me, this will probably go down as one of the worst episodes in the series, even worse than Stormy weather 2, because of its horrible writing, the plot holes it creates, and how much of the episode was designed to cater to Ass-trucs desires rather than designed to actually be a good finale to a season. That's not to say it didn't have good moments (such as dragon Bug and Snake Noir), but the overall episode was just so bad that the bad outweighed the good moments, at least for me. I wonder what Zag will do to fix season 4, but considering the suicide impact on the show Astruc made to make sure the show would remain ‘his way’, i don't have any doubts that it will be a hard challenge ahead of him. Good luck Zag, hope you can fix the mess Ass-truc made.