#where I'll still be ignored probably but at least that's expected here

[yuribyrd]

Adventures

[ame-to-ame]

love being nd and have the tism wolf Inside me be so drastically uncomfortable with uncertainty that i physically cannot think about school and having to deal w the unknown of that whole situation without losing 5lbs in 2 days

[hgfictionwriter]

Self Control: Part Fifteen - Wedding (Epilogue)

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: Raising a kid certainly derailed your and Jessie's wedding timeline, but after many months, the big day is finally here.

Warnings: G!P content. Oral (J receiving). Fingering. G!P penetrative sex. Possessive language. Preg/breeding kinks. Language.

A/N: Well, everyone, the closing chapter is finally here. To everyone still with me on this journey or those who are new - thank you! I hope you enjoy. Full series is here.

"How are you holding up? I hope you're having a fun night."

Jessie read your message and quietly removed herself from a group conversation to take up a seat on a nearby couch.

"Honestly? A bit overwhelmed lol. Missing you and Riley."

"Yeah, who decided to follow through with these weird traditions of us not spending the night together lol."

"Seriously haha. We can blame my friends for that. But hey - at least we spent the day together, we just aren't allowed to spend the night lol."

"Well...Riley's probably fast asleep with your parents. But, if you want a break from the unrelenting celebrations, there's nothing stopping us from running into each other on a midnight walk."

"I love that idea. Let's do it. Meet over by the dining cabin on the far end of the complex? There shouldn't be anyone over there at this hour. I need probably 10 min."

"Done. See you soon, love."

Jessie realized she was smiling as she put away her phone. She cleared her throat and ran her palms against her thighs as she began to formulate her exit.

Her neutral expression was short lived as her eyes fell upon the three newly inked lines across the wrist of her right hand, more or less a mirror of the ones she'd gotten years prior on her other wrist. These lines though - one for each member of her new family; you, herself and Riley.

"Smiling to yourself the night before your wedding - that's gotta beat sweating bullets and having an existential crisis."

Jessie arched an eyebrow at Janine as she stood.

"Yeah, none of that here," she chuckled as she started to make her way towards the cabin door. "My parents texted. I forgot a bag of Riley's stuff in the car. I'm just gonna go grab that and drop it off at their cabin."

"Oh, I can do that. Stay - this is your night. You can't leave - you're the star of the show."

"Now that has me sweating bullets," Jessie replied dryly with a teasing eyeroll as she grabbed her keys and continued walking. "I'll be back in a bit."

She ignored Janine's persisting rebuttals with a charming smile and a wave as she stepped outside and closed the door behind her. She took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh mountain air as she looked up at a dark sky lit up by twinkling stars and a crescent moon.

She shoved her hands in her pockets and began the trek over to the other side of the complex you and her had rented out for your wedding.

Though both of you would've loved to have little to no fanfare or audience, it really just wasn't feasible no matter how much you tried to trim the invite list. Jessie would've loved simply eloping - going away for a weekend alone and coming back married, but that would've gotten her killed by a multitude of friends and family.

As a compromise though, you wanted to have the wedding be as 'you' as possible, meaning you both found this nice, rustic mountain resort with cabins, hiking trails, a beautiful creek and more as opposed to having it at some fancy venue in the city.

The wedding took a while to get off the ground. What with a baby in the picture and a new club season and international window to work around, all of the effort required to pull a wedding together just fell by the wayside. By the time this day came around, your baby went from a newborn to an 18-month old toddler in the blink of an eye.

The cabin Jessie went to meet you at was dark when she arrived, as expected. It was locked at this hour, but this cabin was far enough away from where all the guests and staff stayed that she wasn't entirely worried about privacy. She went around to the back and leaned against the wall as she waited for you.

She patiently looked up at the constellations until she heard faint footsteps in the distance. A smile crept across her face and evolved into a full blown grin as you rounded the corner, tentatively peeking around.

You put on a mock expression of surprise, a hand to your chest as you approached.

"Oh my gosh. What in the world? I can't believe that you're out here too."

Jessie laughed and mimicked your expression. "No way! So crazy." She shrugged her shoulders. "Oh well, what can you do?" She pulled you into her arms and gave you a kiss. She smiled further as your arms came up around the back of her neck and you leaned fully in.

You rest your forehead against hers and exhaled quietly as the kiss ended. "This is so silly, but I feel like I haven't kissed you at all today. I know we did during all those games and such, but, you know what I mean."

"A real kiss," Jessie answered, knowing exactly what you meant. Doing all of these couples games and people hooting and hollering for you and her to kiss was a bit of a nightmare to begin with, but it also certainly wasn't an intimate, real kiss.

"See? You get me," you said as you gave an exaggerated, contented sigh. "I guess that's why I'm marrying you."

She chuckled and captured your lips in another kiss.

"Yeah, you're pretty much stuck with me," she said. "Pretty hard for you to back out now."

You shot her a withering look and rolled your eyes to which Jessie just grinned.

"Yeah, I'm really dying to get out of this relationship. It's the worst," you deadpanned.

"I knew it," Jessie played along and you rolled your eyes once more, this time pulling back and placing your hands on your hips.

"Well, I mean, I hardly know you," you said slowly, eyeing her up and down before reaching out and letting a finger trail down her chest. "I thought you were such a good girl, but here you are sneaking out at night and breaking the rules." Your eyes met hers and she smirked at the glint she saw in them.

"I can be bad for you," Jessie said rather smugly as she wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you close again.

"Well," you smirked as you drew teasing circles along her shoulder, "let's keep that between you and me. I'd hate for you to have an early midlife crisis and go through a belated Bad Girl phase. Fucking around and all."

She gave you a look. "You really don't get how much I adore you? Us having a baby together and getting married really hasn't convinced you yet?"

You toyed with her shirt idly, the look in your eyes shifting slightly. "People get married and have kids all the time. It's not a guarantee of anything. Feelings change. Wants change."

Jessie let out a slight laugh, but narrowed her eyes nonetheless. "Well are your feelings or wants going to change?"

"No," you replied simply and easily, holding her gaze.

"Then why would mine?" She challenged lightly, causing your eyes to drift downward towards the ground. Jessie thumbed your cheek gently and pushed your hair behind your ear. "You really don't get it. There's absolutely no one else for me. It's you. Every moment. Every day. There's no competition. I love you so incredibly much. And just when I think I can't love you more, you do or say something that makes me fall even more for you."

Even in the dim light of the moon, Jessie could see the faintest signs of blush on your cheeks.

"Whoa," you joked shyly, eyes still on the ground before lifting them to meet hers. "Save something for the vows."

"I need you to know how much I love you," Jessie said earnestly. She watched you intently and you eventually sighed.

"I know...I just love you so much. I think the world of you and I don't ever want to lose you. I honestly don't know what I'd do."

"You're not going to lose me," she assured you. "It's been years and my friends still make fun of me for how obsessed I am with you. Never mind how whipped," she finished with a smirk, but held your gaze unwaveringly. "You're the one. You're my everything. You're my best friend. The love of my life. The mother of my child. And tomorrow?" She spoke intently, eyes looking down at your lips as she caressed your cheek once more. "You'll be my wife."

The kiss started off slow - just two people in love. Jessie wanted to somehow express how deeply she felt for you and reassure you that she'd always be here.

It wasn't long until the kiss began to grow hungrier, Jessie finding herself slowly being pushed back against the wall of the cabin, both your hands and hers beginning to wander. The sounds of your heavy kisses filling the night air.

"God, I wish we were staying together tonight," Jessie mumbled into the kiss as she felt her pants beginning to grow taut against her. She moaned deep in her throat as your hand came to cup her growing length.

"Maybe we should just go to the honeymoon cabin," you suggested as you two continued to kiss. You dipped your head and began to kiss down her neck. She groaned once more and her eyes fell shut as she attempted to think.

"W-we don't have the keys," she eventually managed. You made a noise of complaint, but continued to caress her restrained cock.

"Well...," you said slowly as you began to undo Jessie's pants. "It's just us out here."

"Babe," Jessie said, half in warning, half in astonishment as you began to kiss your way down her shirt and soon dropped to your knees in the dirt and fully undid her pants.

"What?" You asked teasingly as you looked up at her. "You don't like me on my knees for you?"

A low rumble emanated from her chest as she let her head fall back against the wooden slats of the cabin wall, a blissful grin on her lips as her hand began to run through your hair.

"Jesus Christ," Jessie mumbled, though certainly not in complaint. She looked down at you again with a crooked smile. "You're talking about me being a bad girl - it's your fault. You're the bad influence." She recalled the events of the past couple of years. "Getting me hard in the back of my friend's car and feeling me up, being so fucking sexy that I just have to jack myself off while on the phone with you and getting freakin' caught. Fucking in my parents' basement and in my childhood bedroom while my mom is on the other side of the door. Got me storing a collection of dirty photos of you in the back of the nightstand. Never mind what's in my phone. And now you're about to give me head while we're outside where anyone could see."

Jessie groaned again as you reached into her boxers and released her stiff cock, your fingers trailing teasingly along its length.

"Well. When you put it that way...," you said with a smirk. "But looking at how hard you are right now and the way your cock is already leaking cum for me, I'd say you like it."

She gripped your hair tightly before releasing it and running her fingers through your locks once more. She closed her eyes and nodded her affirmation. "Yeah. You can confidently say I like it."

"Well good," you accepted with a light chuckle as you rubbed her precum across the tip of her cock and teased her a bit more. She moaned low in her chest again and subtly began to thrust into your hand. You smiled. "Hey Jess?"

"Mm?" She asked, forcing herself to open her eyes once more and look down at you. God, you really did look incredible kneeling in front of her with her stiff cock in your hand. You gave her a teasing smile.

"I love you," you said as you took her into your mouth.

"Oh fuck," Jessie said in a low voice as your warm mouth wrapped around her and your tongue teased her tip. You moaned around her cock and she clutched your hair tightly in her hand once more. "Jesus."

She let her head fall back against the cabin and she leaned back, grateful for the structure behind her because of how weak in the knees she felt already. Her breathing deepened as you took her deeper and continued to pump her up and down with your fist.

Her jaw was slack as she finally opened her eyes. What a moment - your head slowly bobbing up and down on her length, looking absolutely gorgeous on this starry night, out in the wilderness on the eve of your wedding. In all of her wildest dreams, she could've never thought this up.

It didn't take long for Jessie to feel that tightening sensation between her legs and it took so much control for her to keep her thrusts gentle, her tip nudging the back of your throat and not pushing deeper.

"I'm gonna cum," she warned you. You moaned, nearly setting her off with the vibration of it, and began to take her deeper into your throat.

Jessie held back a loud moan, a muffled grunt escaping her throat instead as she released herself down your throat, her palm flat against the back of your head as she bit her lips and emptied herself.

You eventually pulled back with a slight cough, your eyes starting to water as you swallowed her load.

"Shit, I'm sorry," she breathed as she looked down at you and leaned down to help you to your feet.

"Don't be sorry," you said with a choked laugh. "It's hot."

She tucked herself back into her boxers and did up her pants. You leaned against her, her arms wrapping around you in an embrace as you both settled. She played with your hair and kissed the side of your face as she came down from her climax.

She felt you sigh in her arms. "I wish we could just go to bed together tonight," you repeated her earlier wish.

"I know," she sighed against you as she ran her fingers up and down the back of your neck. You shivered against her.

"Cool it," you said as you shrugged her hand away. "I'm already worked up."

"Yeah?" Jessie asked, peeking one eye open and looking over at you, a devilish smile beginning to form. Her hand drifted down your body until she reached the top of your pants. You didn't protest as she began to unbutton them, instead only moaning and gently rolling your hips against her.

Any drowsiness she felt in the haze of her orgasm quickly dissipated and she flipped you both so you had your back against the wall of the cabin. She dipped her head down and began gently sucking on the sensitive skin of your neck. You gasped softly, fingers digging into her crown as she did so and it drove her crazy.

Despite her recent climax, she felt herself growing hard once again as you quietly mewled in her ear and rolled your hips against hers. She felt a rush of arousal come over her, her body tensing up as she resisted the urge to truly pin you against the wall and have her way with you. She subconsciously sucked harder on your neck.

"Jess!" You hissed, bringing her back to the moment. She blinked, pulling away in confusion as you slapped a hand to your neck and stared wide-eyed at her. "The night before our wedding?! Really?"

Jessie stared at you a moment longer until you lifted your hand away, revealing the initial signs of a hickey. She cowered slightly, heat rushing to her face but she couldn't stifle the laugh that escaped either. She stared at it and eventually gave a half-hearted shrug.

"You're going to be wearing makeup," she offered before laughing once more. Her smile turned into a grin. "Besides, everyone already knows you're mine anyway."

Your eyes flashed and you leaned forward, latching onto her neck and sucking hard. You pulled back a moment later with a very satisfied look on your face as Jessie was now the one to cover her neck with a palm.

"What the fuck!" She hissed in return. "I'm not wearing makeup tomorrow. How am I supposed to cover it up?" She gave a disgruntled noise of complaint and you simply shrugged haughtily.

"They can photoshop it out. And now everyone will know you're mine as well."

"Oh my God," Jessie said, her mild irritation waning and quickly shifting to affection. She grabbed your hands and pinned them above your head. Her cock pulsed at the wicked grin you gave her as you held her gaze. "I gave you my baby. I gave you my ring. And now my name, too. I don't think anyone would've doubted I'm yours."

You looked upward in mock contemplation before smirking at her. "You can't blame me for wanting to stake my claim on you," you said as you rolled your hips against her once more causing her eyes to drift shut as an all too fleeting wave of pleasure rushed through her.

Despite Jessie pinning your hands above you and seemingly being in control, it fooled neither of you - you were very much in control. No surprise. And she didn't mind at all.

She released one of your hands and reached down to cup your heat through your underwear. She let out a low moan of approval at the dampness and radiating heat she was met with there. She pushed your panties aside and ran two fingers through your slick folds. A grin crossed her face as your knees buckled and you melted into her embrace, clutching her closely and gasping in her ear.

"God, you are so wet for me, baby," she said as she relished the feeling of your wet folds, clit and sopping entrance. Her cock strained painfully against her boxers and pants as she slipped two digits inside of your entrance. You gasped further and let yourself fall into her waiting hand.

"Fuck," you whispered as you gripped her curled fingers. She withdrew them slightly and pushed inside once more, the sounds of fingers moving through your arousal filled the otherwise quiet night air and Jessie's jaw dropped in amazement.

"Holy fuck. You are soaking and you sound so fucking good. Oh my God." She ground out the last part and couldn't help but grind herself against your thigh.

"Jesus Christ, Jess," you panted already as you rocked into her hand. "I want you to fuck me."

"Babe," she said as she buried her face into your neck, rolling her head against you in want as she felt your core accommodating the girth of her fingers. She could feel the ridges and curves of your walls as they fluttered and flexed around her and her cock twitched as she continued to slowly grind herself against you for some semblance of relief.

"God, Jess. I know you want me too," you said as you shook off her hand and reached down to cup her once more, massaging her firmly through the taut fabric.

"I didn't bring a condom with me," she said as she slowly thrust against your palm. "They're back at my cabin."

You exhaled heavily though you didn't stop the gyration of your hips or the movement of your hand. You ran your other hand through her hair.

"Sorry I didn't think to bring one - I didn't exactly anticipate this," she said.

"Well, stop being so sweet and romantic - meeting up in the middle of the night out in the moonlight and telling me how much you love me. If you stop doing that and stop being so attractive then maybe I'll stop spreading my legs for you."

Jessie let out another low moan and her grip tightened on you. Soft noises of want and need came from you both for several moments until you finally spoke.

"Riley's 18 months old now," you started. "The doctor said we're in the clear to start trying again if we wanted to."

A low growl rumbled up Jessie's through as she pushed her fingers deeper inside of you and ground her hips against you harder. You let out a breathy chuckle.

"I know you've been dying to fuck me without a condom again," you teased.

"Oh my God," Jessie muttered as she began to hump you a touch faster. "Don't tempt me. I'm not fucking kidding."

"Who says I'm kidding?" You said breathlessly as you dug your fingers into her crown once more.

"I'm serious," she said through nearly grit teeth as her free hand dug into the small of your back and pulled you tightly against her. "If you tell me we're trying again, you're leaving here with baby #2 inside of you." She forced herself to take a deep breath. "If you aren't ready, it's fine. I can sneak back to the cabin and get a condom."

"And what if I don't want you to?"

Jessie moaned, legitimately worried she was going to bust in her pants. "Then I'm fucking a baby into you tonight."

You didn't say anything. Instead, you shifted, Jessie pulling back to look at you only to see you shimmying your pants and underwear down your legs. You nodded to her and she immediately began undoing her pants once more.

Your pants and underwear fell into a heap on the ground, Jessie's barely dropping down around her ankles before you wrapped your leg around her waist and grabbed her bare cock, positioning it at your entrance.

Jessie didn't hesitate in sinking inside of you, sliding in to the hilt right off the bat. A wanton moan escaped you, probably louder than either of you intended or wanted, but you were both so far gone that it went unnoticed and Jessie began thrusting in and out of you with a level of urgency and desperation that might've embarrassed her in the past, but the way you gasped and clawed at her it only egged her on.

"I love you so much," she panted into your ear as her wet strokes filled her ears.

"I love you too," you whimpered in return as you bounced on her cock, your shirt the only thing keeping your back from getting scratched up from the cabin walls.

"Jesus Christ, I'm going to cum already," Jessie said a short while later. She panted, forcing herself to refocus for a moment to look you in the eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Cum inside me. I want you," you told her.

She needed no further encouragement and a few strokes later was pushing inside of you as deep as she could, spilling herself with a shuddering breath. She whimpered as strings of cum continued to shoot out of her and into you, coating your insides with her potent seed.

"Fuck," she breathed as she slowly drew her hips back. She looked down, seeing a mixture of your cum and hers along her cock before she pushed back inside of you, loving the way you moaned at the motion.

You stayed in one another's embrace for as long as you could before you both agreed that you should head back to your respective cabins. You reluctantly put on your clothes and walked back towards the guest cabins hand in hand.

You reached yours first and Jessie walked you up the steps to the door, no longer caring if someone saw you two together.

"Aww, it's like a first date," you said facetiously with a chuckle as you wrapped your arms around her and she kissed you. She leaned into your ear and whispered.

"Yeah, except this time my cum's deep inside of you and with any luck you'll be carrying my baby soon."

You blushed and swatted at her.

"Stop," you hushed her as she grinned at you. You relented with a brief shake of your head. "True though." Jessie continued to grin devilishly at you and you gave her another playful shove. "K. Get to bed, you heathen. You have a very important event tomorrow and you better not be late."

She kissed you again. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

---------------

Despite Jessie's exceptional dislike for attention, she felt calm and elated as she stood with you at the alter in front of all your friends and family and said your vows to one another.

The ceremony was lovely. The tears started early. First being when her mom came out with Riley; Riley in her dress and Jessie's mom's at the ready as Riley waddled down the aisle as she haphazardly threw handfuls of petals on the ground, straight up into the air - sometimes at the guests - dropping the basket entirely as she spotted Jessie and ran towards her, clutching her leg tightly.

"Up! Up!" Riley asked and Jessie glanced to her mom. She was supposed to sit with her mom and dad during the ceremony. She looked down at her little girl - with her curly, dark hair, brown eyes and bright red cheeks - she really was Jessie's kid. She bent down and picked her up, holding her against her hip.

"You look so pretty, my girl," Jessie whispered to her as she kissed her forehead. She pointed towards the crowd. "Let's wait for momma, okay? She'll be here soon."

She couldn't keep her eyes off of you. She started crying the second she saw you in your dress. It must've surprised Riley, because the little one just clung to her harder and buried her head in her neck.

"My two favourite people," you cooed as you came up, kissing Riley on the cheek and cupping Jessie's face to give her a quick peck. You made a face immediately after. "Oops, am I not supposed to kiss you yet?"

"Who cares," Jessie laughed as she handed Riley over to you, the toddler reaching for you as you stood across from them.

"Hi sweetie," you said as you took her. "Did you know mommy would've never asked me to marry her if not for you?"

"What!" Jessie protested in as hushed a tone as she could muster. She could feel her cheeks heating up already. "Of course I would've!"

"I'm just kidding," you told her. You laughed at how flustered Jessie was and gave her a wink. "We're off to a good start."

You handed Riley to her grandparents and the ceremony continued, culminating with you slipping new bands on each other's fingers and sharing a kiss that had everyone cheering and clapping.

Considering how some wedding receptions were, yours and Jessie's was pretty tame - at least for you two.

Even though it was probably overkill, you'd switched to non-alcoholic, coming up with creative excuses as to why and Jessie was simply never much for drinking in the first place. Though, her friends did manage to get her to do a couple of shots that left her cringing and coughing as you watched on and laughed.

Jessie was chatting with some of the guests when she heard her daughter's laugh followed by thundering, but clumsy, footsteps as she ran through the crowd, people nearly tripping over themselves to avoid bumping into her. She'd discovered a few weeks ago that she could run - or something akin to it - and she'd been nonstop ever since.

Jessie laughed as suddenly you emerged from a group and picked Riley up mid-run. She pouted and flailed momentarily, but whatever you said to her caused her to relax in your arms. Jessie excused herself from conversation and smiled as she approached you two.

"Look who's here," you said as you looked down to Riley and pointed to Jessie.

"Mommy!" Riley exclaimed, beaming upon seeing Jessie.

"She's having a field day out here," you said slyly to Jessie with a teasing look. "Running any chance she can get. Cheeks extra rosy from running around. And look at that smile," you said as you gently poked your daughter's cheek, eliciting a giggle from her. You looked at Jessie pointedly. "She's certainly your daughter."

Jessie took a moment to kiss Riley before leaning in to whisper in your ear.

"She better be mine," she teased. You pulled back with a smirk before leaning in to whisper back.

"What? You wouldn't want me carrying and having someone else's baby?"

Before Jessie could respond, you were walking away, eyes glimmering playfully. She called after you.

"No. I'd despise that!"

You turned and shrugged, earning a dangerous look from her. You grinned and grasped Riley's hand to give Jessie a small wave before disappearing into the crowd knowing full well that conversation wasn't over.

A short while later, Jessie found herself getting pulled out onto the dance floor by you. She grumbled in protest, but allowed you to push and pull her as you wished as you danced to whatever song was playing.

"You're my wife. You're supposed to be happy about dancing with me," you teased.

"I'm happy to be with you. I just don't like dancing," Jessie refuted as she half-heartedly tried to dance along, though was always half a beat - or more - behind.

"You didn't seem too bothered dancing with me when we were at that club on New Year's a few years back," you said with a glint in your eye. "Mind you, probably not appropriate for here."

Jessie's mind flashed back to you grinding up on her. In a sea of people, she was solely focused on you and how incredible you looked and that it was her you were with. True - not appropriate for here. She gave you a lopsided smirk either way.

"I wouldn't be opposed," she joked though her eyes raked up and down your body in appreciation. "And you look even more gorgeous than you did that night."

"Yeah?" You asked as you moved in close and Jessie wrapped her arms around your waist.

"You better cool it," Jessie warned in a murmur as her eyes drifted away. "I don't exactly need wedding photos of me sporting a boner."

You cleared your throat, drawing her eyes back to you. "Well, your daughter did ask for her light up running shoes. Those are back at the cabin."

Jessie's eyes studied you for a moment as a smile crept across her face.

"Oh. Well, we should definitely go get them. That's what good parents would do."

"Absolutely," you agreed.

You both looked around briefly to ensure no one was watching either of you too closely before Jessie grabbed you by the hand and led you out of the hall. The sun was setting as you two walked the paths back to the guest cabins. She retrieved the skeleton key from her pocket and showed it to you.

"And we can get into the honeymoon cabin this time," she told you proudly and you laughed, wrapping your arm around hers and cuddling in as you walked together towards the cabin.

You were kissing each other as you stumbled through the door and slammed it shut behind you.

"Pretty sure we're supposed to wait until the end of the night for this," you chuckled as Jessie was already starting to undo her dress pants.

"Well, we've done a lot of things out of order," she dismissed with a grin as she kissed your neck and guided you towards the couch. "And who's to say we're not going to do more later."

She kissed your lips and made sure the kiss didn't break as she took a seat on the couch and pulled you down on top of her. She bundled up your dress and lifted it so it was out of the way and she could have access to your underwear. She ran her fingers along the fabric and felt herself growing harder as she could feel the warmth and definition of your lips through the thin fabric.

"Fucking me during the reception," you teased as you kissed her deeper. "Gosh, I really am a terrible influence on you."

"Fuck no," Jessie disagreed with a wily smirk. "You're the best." She lifted you off of her to stand for a moment as she removed your underwear. She grinned as she tucked them into her pocket.

"I've created a monster," you joked as you pulled her cock out from her boxer briefs and straddled her waist once more, bracing yourself on her shoulders as you held yourself up as she poised herself at your entrance.

She ran the thick head of her cock against your entrance, getting it coated in your juices before she began to gently nudge at it and push inside. She moaned in pleasure as your tunnel slowly welcomed her, enveloping her length as she inched inside of you.

"Fuck. I'm so glad I can ditch the condoms again. God." She exhaled through her mouth as she looked you up and down. "Nothing feels as good as being inside of you like this. Nothing between us."

"God," you said as you tossed your head back and ran your fingers through her hair as you sunk down onto her and slowly rose back up. "I'm not kidding you - I've soaked through these panties more than once today thinking about last night. That was so fucking sexy."

Jessie growled as she began kissing down your neck and as much of your chest as your dress would allow.

"I noticed you're not drinking tonight," Jessie commented. "Think I knocked you up that fast?"

"You did last time," you chuckled as you began to ride her at a steady rhythm, her tip stretching out your entrance, teasing her, before swallowing her once more.

Jessie exhaled heavily - already feeling overwhelmed by the way you felt around her, the way you looked bouncing up and down in her lap - in your wedding dress no less - and the way your hands explored her.

"Y/N Fleming," she declared as she pulled you into a hard kiss. "Can't believe I've waited so long to make it official. To have you take my name." She rolled her hips up into you as she pulled you down into her lap. "Fuck. You're all mine."

"Oh God," you whimpered, head thrown back once more and eyes closed. "I'm yours. And you're mine."

"Always," she affirmed with zero hesitation. Her mouth hung open as she worked to steady her breath. She could feel blood rushing to her face and knew her cheeks were red with exertion. She shook her head. "I can't believe there was ever a time before you."

"Same, baby," you reciprocated as you looked down at her, cupping her face as you sensually rocked atop of her.

Despite your agreement, Jessie felt a rush go through her. She tightened her grip on your hips as began to buck up into you from below. She spoke through nearly clenched teeth.

"I hate that anyone was ever with you," she said. "You were made for me. They didn't deserve you."

Your eyes fell shut again and you leaned into her, your hands gripping her shoulders. "Holy shit. No one's ever fucked me like you. Or loved me like you."

Jessie snickered smugly, the sound of her hips bouncing off of your thighs resounded loudly in her ears.

"Well no one could ever make me feel like you do. I'm so lucky I met you."

"Jess," you whimpered as your body collapsed into her and you held her tightly. "I love you so much."

Jessie grunted as you rode her, your walls flexing and massaging her in the most exquisite way. She began to buck into you faster and her breathing grew ragged. You clutched her and she looked up to see your own cheeks rosy and your mouth slightly open as you pleasured one another.

"I can't wait until I start swelling with your baby again," you panted and Jessie's eyes slammed shut to the point of wincing as she fought off her climax. She wanted you cumming all over her cock before she flooded you.

"Jesus Christ. You are so sexy. I couldn't keep my hands off you last time. I never can - but God you look incredible carrying my baby." She grunted as she nearly came. "My gorgeous wife. So fucking beautiful."

"Don't stop," you begged as your orgasm neared. She watched you steadily as your expressions changed and you panted and moaned.

"My gorgeous girl," Jessie praised. "You look perfect bouncing up and down on my cock like this. And soon you'll be walking around this wedding with my cum dripping down your legs."

"Oh shit," you gasped as you began to convulse around her cock. Your movements stilled, fingers digging into her shoulders as your orgasm shook you. The way your softness spasmed around her, Jessie had no hope of fighting off her climax further and let out a whining grunt as she released inside of you.

"Oh, fuck, Jessie," you panted as she began to rut into you, shooting string after string of her cum inside of you.

You collapsed in her arms on top of her as you both panted and worked to regain your breath.

When you finally went to climb off of her, you both maneuvered yourself in a way that tried to limit how much of her cum was going to spill out onto her pants. Even then, your disappearance from the reception was extended further as you both worked to clean the cum off her pants before you made your return. Eventually, you gave up and Jessie got changed into a different outfit - people would believe she wanted to get into something more comfortable. You followed suit and got changed as well.

You returned to the hall and though you both received a few comments about your costume changes, all in all your absence was met with minimal questioning. Riley was thrilled to get her light-up shoes and immediately went stomping around the dancefloor squealing with delight.

Jessie continued to mingle with friends and family, as did you, and the night wore on. But it was really only a matter of time until a familiar cry soared over the music and din of the crowd.

Jessie frowned, excusing herself from a conversation and headed in the direction of her daughter's cries. She spotted you navigating the crowd and you caught each other's eye. When you both found Riley, she was red in the face, tears staining her cheeks as her grandparents tried to soothe her.

"What's going on?" Jessie asked as she approached, kneeling down in front of her as her dad bounced Riley on his knee.

"She just started asking for you both and got upset that you weren't here," he answered.

"Oh, Ri," Jessie said as she picked up her daughter and began to bounce her in her arms. She looked to her dad. "She's probably just tired. I know she had a nap, but it's been a big day." She looked down at Riley and spoke softly, "Are you tired, sweetie?" Riley wailed louder, her little hands bundling Jessie's shirt in their grasps, but as Jessie kissed her forehead her cries tapered. "I know it's been a long day. I understand - I need a break, too," she chuckled. "You've done so well."

Riley sniffled, her little shoulders hitching as her cries ebbed. Jessie signaled to her parents that she'd handle it. She and you took Riley over to a quiet corner of the hall. Jessie sat down, resting Riley in her lap and kissed the top of her head.

"She should really go down for bed," you said as you rubbed her back.

"Her and me both," Jessie said dryly with a smirk. "I'm exhausted." You played with her hair and kissed her cheek.

"And you didn't get a nap," you joked and Jessie gave you a playful sidelong glance. You rest your head on her shoulder. "Are we allowed to leave before the guests?"

"I think that's a bit of a faux pas, but honestly, I'm very tempted," she said as she eyed the room and contemplated the option. She looked down at Riley whose eyes were heavy as the toddler hung onto the precipice of sleep. She then glanced over at you. "I mean, everyone here knows neither you or I are big partiers. And, we have a toddler to look after..."

You chuckled, tucking a strand of Jessie's hair behind her ear. "I mean, your parents are happy to look after Riley and she's supposed to be staying with them again tonight."

"But she wants us," Jessie said with a pointed glance downward at their daughter who was resting very peacefully in her arms now. "Clearly."

You leaned over and kissed Jessie's cheek. "You know? I'm sure everyone will forgive us if we duck out."

------

A short while later, Riley was asleep in the middle of the king size bed in your cabin with Jessie laying next to her in a t-shirt and shorts, you climbing into bed in your pyjamas on the opposite side.

"Is this what you would've pictured for your wedding night years ago?" You teased as you lay propped on your side looking across Riley and over at Jessie who mirrored your position.

"Stone cold sober, party still raging on at the reception, and my toddler fast asleep between me and my new wife?" She asked with a lopsided grin, her head in her hand. "No. But I adore it." You snickered and gently pushed down Riley's rogue curls as she slept.

"Same," you said.

"We have a beautiful family and we're very lucky," Jessie mused as she carefully leaned over to give you a chaste kiss. You smiled into it and laid a hand on your stomach as Jessie pulled back.

"And maybe there'll be four of us soon enough."

A/N: That's all, folks! I can't thank you enough for joining me on this ride. What started as a one-shot I was super nervous to post, has been embraced by so many of you and you've allowed me to create and share this love story with you all. It truly means so much. Thank you!

[cressidagrey]

You are the best thing that's ever been mine - Part 4

Pairing: Max Verstappen x Ariel Cane (Original Character)

Summary: Sao Paulo 2024. The Dutchman delivered a defining drive…but maybe there is a relationship that could also use some defining. 

Warnings: Jos Verstappen, angst, crying, mention of pregnancy, mention of sex and sexual acts, physical confrontation

Author Notes: Hi, hey, hello! Apparently I write F1 Fanfiction now?! Also this is the first time I am trying a social media au so my Canva Skills were put to the test. (Disclaimer: I kinda put legibility over authencity, so twitter doesn't look like twitter and messages looks like...something) Also huge thanks to @onebigfangirlworld and @leodette for holding my hand with this 😘)

Max let out a small sigh, his hands falling from her side. He got up from the couch, pausing for a moment to look at her.

Ariel’s face was still a little pale, her eyes tired, but her smile was bright, and he felt a pang in his chest at that. He hated to leave her, while she was unwell and miserable, but she was right. He had just won a Grand Prix. 

He should get his goddamn trophy.

Max leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. Then he turned around and headed for the door, his footsteps measured and steady. He looked back one more time, his gaze lingering on her figure.

Then he went through the door, closing it softly behind him.

Max did get his goddamn trophy.

He accepted congratulations and claps on his back from various people, but his mind was wholly on Ariel.

But the smile on his face was real for once, even when as soon as all the handshakes had been done and he had managed to hand that trophy off to Christian...he was back to the driver's room, where Ariel had bundled up in one of his hoodies.

He knew it was his, because it swamped her.

There was no denying the warm feeling of belonging that came over him, at the sight. 

"Let's get out of here," she told him with a warm smile, having already packed up all the things. He took her bag from her, pulling the hoodie’s hood over her bright red hair and then tugged her against her side, one arm around her shoulders, as they made their way to the car. 

Of course there was press there, waiting. He had expected that, but it still pissed him off. 

Max ignored their shouted questions, the click, click, click of the cameras, only caring that Ariel would get into that car as quickly as she could, as she used the hood of the jacke to shield herself from the media glare. She climbed in first, scooting through and he followed, pulling the poor door closed with far more force than strictly necessary.

As soon as the door was slammed shut and they were safely out of sight from the media, Ariel let out a sigh of relief, relaxing into the seat.

She looked tired and pale, her eyes half closed. The drive back to the hotel would probably lull her to sleep.

Max reached over and took her hand in his, his fingers stroking gently over her knuckles, as the car started moving.

He pulled her against his side, putting his arm around her, pressing a kiss against her hair. He could do that now.

He could do that now.

He couldn’t believe that. 

She smelled like strawberries, he realised weakly.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her softly.

She leaned into his side, snuggling into the crook of his arm, letting out a weak huff.

"I'm tired," she mumbled, nuzzling her face into his shoulder. "And I still feel nauseous but it's better."He tightened his arm around her, rubbing his hand over her arm.

"Just try to sleep, Schatje," he said quietly, his voice low and gentle. The term of endearment slipping from his tongue as easily as breathing. "I'll wake you up when we get to the hotel."

It would only be an half-hour drive, but if she could get at least some rest it would probably do her some good.

The steady rumble of the car and the warmth of his embrace combined lulled her to sleep quickly, her breathing growing steady and deep.

Max knew he should be feeling exhausted from the race and all the interviews afterwards, but all he could feel was absolute contentment.

He could hold her, touch her, love her.

His grip tightened around her a little more, pulling her even closer, his thumb caressing her arm gently.

She mumbled something unintelligible, subconsciously nuzzling against him, pressing her face into his shoulder. He looked down at her. Ariel looked so peaceful like that, so calm and serene.

He continued running his thumb over her skin, a silent, soothing motion.

Max had never allowed himself to imagine this, holding her after winning a race, feeling her body against his in a way he had been dreaming about for so damn long.

The feeling of euphoria, of satisfaction and pure happiness was still buzzing all over him. He had just won a damn race, and the girl he was in love with was currently sleeping soundly against his side. 

It almost made him giddy, a smile tugging at his lips.

God, was this what happiness felt like?

The rest of the car ride passed in silence, Ariel still asleep, her head resting against his shoulder. He just sat like that, holding her against him, watching the landscape outside the window. He was tempted to run his hand over her hair, through the the long messy curls that had escaped her usual braid. 

But he didn't want to risk waking her. She needed the rest more than she needed him playing with her hair, as much as he longed to do it.

He woke her up as they arrived at the hotel, to the two interconnected suites they had taken that time. 

A shower later, he found himself reclining back onto a stupidly comfortable couch in his room with Ariel pressed against his side, resting against him, a blanket wrapped around her. 

It was better than any kind of celebration. Better than anything he ever had had before. 

Including the fact that Ariel wore pyjamas that literally featured Jimmy and Sassy all over them.

He raised an eyebrow at the sight of her in those pyjamas, a little amused. Of course she would buy pyjamas with the goddamn cats on them. He couldn't help the little laugh that escaped him.

"Jimmy and Sassy pyjamas?" he said, a teasing grin on his face. "You are such a cat lady, Schatje."

She shrugged, snuggling up to him on the couch and burying her face in his shoulder. "Hey, they are cute," she defended herself half-heartedly.

He couldn't deny that, especially paired with the way her hair was half-tied up in a messy bun, strands falling around her face. The pyjamas were cute on her, but then she could wear anything and he would think that.

"Feeling better?" he asked her as she tucked herself against his side, reaching out for his hand.

"Much," she said with a happy sigh.

He smiled, lifting their joined hands to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of her hand.

"Good," he hummed, his thumb rubbing over her knuckles gently.

She felt better, looked better, and all he wanted to do was pull her into his lap and kiss her silly. 

But not yet. She was still unwell and weak. No matter how much he wanted to hold her close against his chest, he knew that his desire didn't matter in this case.

What she needed right now was to rest, not get smothered by an overly eager racecar driver.

"You should probably go to bed," he said quietly, although it took a herculean effort to get those words out.

What he wanted to say was 'stay up with me, curl up in my lap, let me hold you', but he knew she needed to sleep, more than she needed his cuddles.

"No," Ariel said, her voice soft. "I'll stay right here."

Max was selfish enough to simply hum his agreement. "Here, at least have some water," he said softly, reaching for the bottle on the coffee table. "You need to hydrate."

"I'm fine," she protested stubbornly, and he had to hold back a soft snort.

She was so damn stubborn, she always had been. Especially when it came to refusing help, or not admitting when she really wasn't okay.

He lifted his eyebrow. "Schatje," he said, his tone firm, "It wasn't a suggestion, take a damn sip."

To be honest, he was the same way. Stubborn to a fault, and even the worst illness or injury couldn't make him admit when he wasn't okay.

But damn it, she was his to look after and take care of.

Ariel wouldn't take care of herself, so he would just have to take the reins and do it for her.

"I like it," she told him suddenly. Max tilted his head in confusion, his expression curious.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his hand still holding hers, his thumb caressing the back of her hand.

Ariel was being oddly vague, he was half expecting her to say something along the lines of 'liking him taking care of her'. 

"When you call me that," Ariel admitted, a blush high on her cheeks as she did take a drink from that bottle.

His eyebrows rose in surprise, a small wave of heat spreading through his chest.

She liked him calling her Schatje??

"You do, huh?" he asked, a smirk spreading on his face.

He was never going to get sick of calling her that now.

God, she was blushing.

He could swear his heart skipped a beat every time her cheeks reddened like that.

It was an adorable sight, her face flushed with a mixture of pleasure and embarrassment, and a rush of possessive heat went through him.

She was so damn adorable, and she was his.

He chuckled softly, his arm tightening around her waist, pulling her closer.

"Noted, Schatje," he murmured, his voice dropping an octave lower.

The term of endearment rolled of his tongue as easily as his own name.

He shifted a little, getting more comfortable and pulling her more snug against his side. He was enjoying the feeling of having her so close to him. She fit in his arms like she belonged there.

Until there was a knock at the door.

Max sighed.

"Who are you betting on?" he asked her drily.

"Probably Gemma," Ariel said with a sigh. "This is a PR nightmare."

Ariel was right. As usual. 

As Max moved to open the door, Gemma Roberts, Red Bull’s long-suffering PR manager was waiting for him.

"How's Ariel doing?" she greeted him, holding out a plastic bag for him. "Saltines, Bananas, Ginger Ale...pretty much everything we could think off."

He took the bag from Gemma, nodding his thanks.

"She's doing a little better, still unwell though," he said, gesturing for Gemma to come in with a tilt of his head.

"I can't believe it hit her this hard," Gemma said as she entered behind him.

She was an incredibly efficient woman in her mid-thirties, and an absolute professional, but even now Max could see the hint of worry on her face.

"It's the perfect storm," he said grimly.

His father wasn't enough. Oh no. Food Poisoning at the same time too.

Max ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "She's barely slept or eaten anything since breakfast," he told her. "I'm getting her as rehydrated as possible, but she is still unwell and exhausted."

“I do need to talk to you both,” Gemma said with a grimace. “I would wait till tomorrow but…”

Max's eyebrow raised, and he nodded. "Sounds ominous," he grumbled, already regretting whatever the hell she was about to tell him.

He led the way back into the living room, where Ariel was still sitting on the couch, sipping her water.

"Ariel," Gemma said in greeting, and Ariel looked up at her with tired eyes.

"Hey," Max's girlfriend said, giving the PR woman a tired smile.

"Gemma brought you a few things that might help," Max explained and held out the bag of food and drinks. The ginger ale would hopefully be something to settle her stomach. He opened one of the cans and handed it to Ariel, exchanging a look with Gemma behind her.

"Thanks," Ariel mumbled. Max could hear the exhaustion in her voice, see it in the way she couldn't help but lean up against his side, his arm still around her shoulders.

He kept his arm on her, a silent comfort and support as he listened to whatever his PR manager had to say.

“I talked with legal about the…incident in the garage today. If you want to sue, it would be a cut and dry assault case,” Gemma said carefully. “We literally have the whole thing on three different cameras and have around 4 dozen witnesses.”

Max's jaw clenched in anger at the reminder of what had happened.

He was tempted, so damn tempted to press charges. 

He felt Ariel lean into his hand and he found himself exhaling.

"What do you suggest?" he asked Gemma, his voice steady but strained.

"I know you want to," Gemma said bluntly, reading his mind almost like a pro.

He couldn't deny it, he wanted to press charges, he wanted to do anything possible to keep that bastard away from Ariel.

But she was right. The press would be all over it, turning it into a goddamn circus.

“No,” Ariel said flatly.

His gaze flicked to her, he could sense the firmness in her voice, the determination.

He knew she didn't want him to press charges, he could tell from how she was keeping herself firmly against his side, her hand tightening its grip on his.

He let out a slow breath, resisting the urge to just wrap her in his arms and keep her close to his chest, away from the press, away from his dad, away from everything.

“I was the one he hit. It’s my choice. And I am not going to press charges,” Ariel said calmly.

“Schatje,” he choked out.

His heart was thumping frantically in his chest.

He couldn't deny her, he couldn't make her change her mind when she was being stubborn like this.

But the thought of doing nothing about his bastard of a father, the thought of letting the whole incident go, of letting that bastard think he could get away with hurting Ariel. The thought of his father possibly coming near her again…

"Why on earth not?" he asked, his voice strained.

Her hand came up to cup the side of his face, her touch immediately calming him.

"It's not worth it, Max," she told him quietly, her eyes on his, and he felt himself deflate a little. "It's not worth the headache and the fallout."

He wanted to argue, he wanted to fight her on this, but damn it, she was right. It would be nothing but a massive clusterfuck, and she didn't deserve to be put through that, especially not after today.

“Regardless of what happened today, regardless of what I feel towards him, he’s your father,” Ariel said softly.

He hated how she was being so understanding, so calm and reasonable when all he felt was anger and frustration.

He let out a bitter sigh, his arms tightening around her.

"He hurt you today," he gritted out. "He hurt the woman I love. And you want me to what, forgive and forget?"

"No, not forgive and forget," she clarified, her words still firm but somehow gentle at the same time.

A part of him knew, logically, that she was right, but the other part, his stubborn, possessive, protective part was itching to do something, anything to make his bastard father pay for hurting her today.

“I am saying that… you can use today to get him to do what you want,” Ariel clarified.

Max raised an eyebrow again, his mind racing as he thought about what she was suggesting.

He could see where she was going with this, and damn it, she had a point.

He might not be able to press charges, but he could use this to his advantage, to pressure his father into backing down, to stay the hell away from him and Ariel.

He could force his father to do what he wanted, and to leave Ariel alone.

“Besides, I doubt think Christmas dinner will be a nice occasion with the in-laws otherwise,” she quipped. He could just stare at her.

In-laws.

Her words hit him like a freight train, and he found himself staring at her in disbelief for a moment. 

She had referred to his family as her in-laws.

She said it as a joke, so easily and casually, yet...

It made something warm go through his chest.

“So if I never wanted to see him again…” Max trailed off, turning to Gemma.

Gemma understood what he was getting at, and she let out a low, impressed whistle.

She had seen what happened, had seen the incident first hand, and she knew damn well that it would be better for everyone if his father just stayed away.

She nodded slowly. "Blackmailing then," she said. "Leverage he can't just sweep under the rug. I like it."

“Max,” Ariel said quietly. “Are you sure?”

His gaze flicked to her for a moment, before he let out a grim chuckle.

He was damn sure. He was absolutely, totally, one hundred percent sure.

If this was the only way to protect her, to make sure that bastard would never touch her or hurt her again, he would do it, no questions asked.

"Yes. I'm sure," he said firmly, his arms pulling her closer against him, protective and possessive.“It was your suggestions,” he said drily.

“My suggestion wasn’t to cut off all contact with your dad, Max,” Ariel said carefully.

He let out a tired sigh, letting his arms tighten around her a little.

He hated how exhausted she looked, how she should have been in bed, getting rest, and how she was instead here, trying to defend his damn father of all people.

"So what?" he said, his irritation still clear in his voice. "I'm supposed to maintain a relationship with a man who assaulted you? I am supposed to let him near our children?!” He gritted his teeth, his jaw clenching tightly.

The thought of his father getting anywhere near their future children…

His father had gotten to shape him into the perfect river. He was not getting a chance to do that to Max’s children. 

It made his blood boil.

It was a miracle he didn't just let out a loud, irritated growl.

"No," he said firmly. "God no. I'd rather break my own legs than allow him near our children."

He felt Ariel lean into his side, and he let out a slow breath to try and calm himself.

There was a complex mess of emotions there, a tangle of anger, disappointment, resentment, and even love.

He had been…a difficult father, but he had still been Max’s father. Had still been his father.

He knew she was right, it was a complicated mess of emotions swirling inside him.

His father might have been a shitty, cold bastard who had never cared a damn about him, who had put pressure on him from a young age and had forced him to be the ideal heir to his empire...

But still, he was his father.

He had to make a decision.

He didn't want to choose between his father and Ariel.

But when it came down to it…there was no real competition.

His relationship with his father had been strained, cold and distant from the very beginning.

He had always been nothing but a tool to the man, a tool to be used to further his goals.

But Ariel...

Ariel had been the one to thaw the ice around his heart, to make him actually feel things again. To make him feel alive.

He loved her more than he had ever loved anything, she meant everything to him.

Compared to that...his father was nothing.

It was simple. His choice was simple.

He could choose his father, choose to forgive him and try and maintain a relationship with that cold bastard who had never actually cared for him...

Or he could choose her, choose the woman who had become the most important person in his life, the woman he wanted to build a future with, the woman he loved more than anything in the world.

The choice was a no-brainer.

And so he chose her.

He would choose her, over and over and over again.

He would choose her, because that was all he wanted.

His future, his happiness, lay with her, with the beautiful woman sitting next to him on that couch. And who, even now, was trying to find a way to make it easy for him. 

Make it easy for Max. 

Ariel was willing to put her own feeling on hold so that he could get what he needed. 

But the thing was…he didn’t need his father. 

He needed her. 

His heart belonged to her. He belonged with her.

He would do anything for her, and his father be damned.

She meant more to him than anything. More than his racing, more than 3 world champion titles. 

He had spent so long focusing on his racing, focusing on beating his rivals and on winning races. 

He had focused on the things that didn't matter, on all the meaningless, frivolous bullshit that surrounded him like a noose, all in the name of being the best driver on the grid.

But it was her who mattered. She was the one that gave his life meaning.

She was the woman he loved, the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

He would protect her, cherish her, give her everything he could.

She was the woman he would marry, the woman who would bear his children.

He would fight a thousand battles for her and for their family.

And God help anyone who would try and come between them.

"That settles it then," he said in a firm, resolute voice. "No contact with my father."

It would be difficult, to cut off what little remaining connections he still had with the man.

But he would do it.

For her.

For their future together.

The moment the words left his mouth, he felt the tension in his chest release, and his body relaxed slightly.

It was the right decision, the only decision he could have made.

His arm tightened a little more around Ariel's side, pulling her gently closer against his side.

He could feel the weight of his decision settle into him, the knowledge that he had just chosen her over his own father. And the thought that he didn't regret it one bit, that he didn't have a single shred of doubt in his mind...it was like a massive weight off his shoulders.

He pressed a small, gentle kiss to the top of her head, inhaling the scent of her hair, relishing in the feel of her snuggled up at his side.

In that moment, with her so close to him, her warmth and comfort surrounding him, he was reminded once again how much she meant to him.

How much he treasured her.

How she was his whole damn world.

Next Part

[maddascanbe-blog]

Ladies and Gentlemen. I give you Little Vesperia. She's a powerful punch in a petite package! I posted her design in sketches ages ago but I was SO jazzed to finally do it digital. And I finally could do Teen Zoé and Vesperia.

Buckle up folks this is a long one.

I won't go into too much detail on Teen Zoé's fit, since I already talked about it in here. But Vesperia is where things get more interesting.

Little Vesperia obviously takes more inspiration from Queen Bee since in my rewrite Zoé idolizes Chloé so much. Zoé's father couldn't really be bothered to care about Zoé, she's been at every boarding school and summer camp he could afford while still keeping most of the money Audrey sends him. She rarely sees him, and when they are stuck together he wants her out of sight and out of mind.

Then Zoé is uprooted entirely when Audrey's infidelity is exposed. To save face she gets brought to Paris, to play at being one big happy family. She may be young, but she's wise enough to know this is just another person using her for their gain. She did face bullying at her schools, and a whole lot of nothing done about it from the teachers.

She also does not speak french. Which means that a good 70% of people have no idea how to communicate with her. And Audrey was no help. Zoé vas given so little information she didn't even KNOW she had an older sister when the was taken to France. Chloé was a complete blindside to her.

And she especially doesn't expect this intimidating teenager to kneel down to her level, and in perfect english explain that it's okay to be scared and she'll make sure Zoé won't be stuck wondering what's gonna happen next.

They spend the rest of the day learning where everyone is, and what certain things are called in french so that Zoé has a better way to communicate. They also sit down and order decorations for Zoé's room.

Zoé fully anticipated André to ignore her, but he is kind like he is in cannon. Just very busy so can only get in small conversations with her. Still, he's shown her more care than her own father had in the 9 years she's been alive. Since he'll ask her about her day, anything she may need, how school has been, etc. He also manages to get a free day to show her all the cool things in the hotel that most people don't know are there. He tries to have dinner with Chloé and Zoé as often as possible and they eat lunch together at the hotel at least once a week.

Now to Teen Zoé. I'll probably write this down in a separate post but my Idea for her is because of the limits I put on the rabbit miraculous Bunnix is no longer able to fight Timetagger, but she IS able to bring someone from that point in time to help instead. And since bringing anyone that could be recognized could potentially cause a paradox, the best solution is to bring in someone who they haven't met yet.

Design wise I like Vesperia's cannon design but it does look more like a wasp than a bee. I based her top on these biker jackets that had segments on the sides and just made the segments alternate black and yellow. I originally planned to keep the black top and yellow bottoms, but it just didn't look the way I wanted it too. I think making the jacket yellow makes it look much more like a bee. Also black mask because I like how those look better.

I think Little Vesperia looks good too, different enough from Queen Bee while still looking like she took inspiration, my favorite part was making it look like she had striped socks. While Teen Zoé looks like a logical progression while also dipping into badass as opposed to cute. Also her pupils turn gold to further differentiate her from Queen Bee.

(Bonus- Verpseria with colors closer to her originals)

[adoregojo]

★- haunted by the trails of you.

a/n: here's some more angst i had in drafts and now I'm setting it free. wanted more pain but this what yall are getting for now d: (potentially getting a part two)

summary: their first anniversary without you, and you'd still be haunting them. !! gn reader!! characters: isagi, reo, rin. warnings: men. hurt/barely an comfort, the word 'vomit', blood mentions in rin's part, appear of other characters. perhaps heavy angst?

isagi: it was at his own home. for what he can fathom, isagi isn't considered as someone who's hooked on the past. at least that's what he pinned his head to. what had chronicles should've been a lesson, something that'll help him move forward, a memory that'll get him through to his feet again.

once the past had been written, there was no undoing. only exceptions and take the moral out of it.

sometimes isagi wished he had tugged on that enough as much as he tugged his heart to yours.

he was about to send himself a clout. has he learned nothing? why can't he draw a clear line without the ghost of you obsessing in every corner of his life? so instead, he botches his hair to untidy navy-blue locks flying out of place, mumbling cusses to none other than himself.

He bet he looked like a madman, uttering loathes undertone within every step upon a stair he took. He swore he spotted a middle aged lady covering her son's ears in horror. maybe he wasn't muttering as low as he thought.

it was saturday, in which isagi takes a day off to greet his parents from time to time. and he wasn't gonna cancel that over some feelings he might've got the wrong end of the stick about, it was probably just lingering lust and affection he had for you, but I'll past. clinging to the mere possibility and ignoring the ache that remains for too long than intended.

swirling the keys with his bare hands, isagi can view the frigid smoke of his breath appearing with every puff he let out. the tips of his fingers and knuckles were embarrassing standing out an angry shade of red, he forgot his gloves, again ,recalling: yoichi never really had to bat an eye when it comes to gloves. he'll even do it on purpose since you wouldn't think twice before launching yours to his frosty hands, while interlocking your hands with the other one.

now that he mentioned it, he always recollect how futile of an attempt it was. because the back of his hand will always remain polar, but at that time, it didn't carried a feather. he didn't really mind freezing to death if it meant I'll be in your arms. then he'll die any day.

isagi remains stationary, until his forehead rests the irony of his house door. he didn't know if he was deeply disappointed in himself, or just drowned by the sweet bygone days. gabbling something about how an idiot he was before taking a deep lungful of air and finally opening the door.

flinging his shoes to gods knows where, at this state even his mother's berating wouldn't budge a bone in him, yeah, this is how bad it was.

to his astonishment, there were no trails of his parents. isagi called, shouting once, twice. and gave up on the third time. he jogs around to the kitchen era, like expected: a dangling note covering some plate, informing him that they went out and they'll be back before dinner. 

isagi just let out a defeated sigh, an obvious pessimistic wave looming over him. he was genuinely hoping to spend a family-time right away, and something to divert him away from the wraith of you.

a part of him wondered, what answer could he hand his parents, breaking the fact that you two were no longer together. his parents always loved you, adored you even. they'd definitely be shattered, he'll just muddle it by saying that you two drew apart till an ultimate downfall drilled up a hole in your relationship, leading to a break up. they’ll buy it, right?

blindly, isagi carried out the plat, slamming it flatly against the wooden table of the living room. making himself comfortable on the couch that held on the glimpse of his childhood, it was a pleasant to be at home again, and one of a great distraction.

he needed it.. anything to sway him away from the remainder of what name of this day earned..

from the corner of his eye, he spotted a second note. scoffing at himself isagi gets a grasp on it, living on the thought it might've been his parents requesting him to do chores, or just asking him to take extra care of himself. 

isagi consulted it, even when a part of him begged him not to.

‘dear, yocchan. we really hope you'll be the one to read this, but if not! hello yoichi’s partner, that's quite embarrassing if you're reading this hahaha. but anyway, we figured that today is your two anniversary, isn't that just great? We remember just yesterday they were being introduced to us for the first time. What a good time to be alive, but anyway. There's some surprise cake for the two of you to share! Happy anniversary, you lovebirds.- your mother (in law).”

‘don't get too carried away please! - your father (in law).”

isagi flouts, bitterly. so sorely that all the rock-hard grip of his hand went straight to poor paper, ripping it apart to fall into small chunks. the stomach-bug swirl, not the one with the butterflies plopping in the depths of his stomach, swarming with to define a new level of bliss. but a disgusting ache of venom mobbing, making him want to vomit in an instant. 

if it wasn't for his neighbors, isagi would've outcry his lungs out of frustration. but he wasn't on the field, where his anger planted. Now it's just a sad smile etching on his features. 

and maybe a drip of a few tears..

how long were you planning on haunting him for..

reo: he had to delete it.. for the longest period, reo had never been so glued on what he busted by his own hands, words and ego. he had no one to blame but himself, and yet no amount of strength that earth granted him, no matter how the sky have bore in tears gleaming the ground, a pool of agony cries pleading for him to do it.

all that and he’d still struggle to press the delete button. He just couldn't.

“man, just delete it already.” chigiri cried out, slamming his palms against the skin of his forehead. He was tired. and he wasn't even getting paid to deal with this shit.

“it's easier for you to say it, you don't get it.” reo sassed back, trudging inches away from the redhead who's eyes twitched in disbelief. 

nagi and chigiri一well, mostly chigiri, have been summoned by a cry for help from their shared friend. just for the end of the world to be him trying to delete the pictures and videos of you and him, his ex that lived in his head rent free. 

it was a wretched sight to see, his eyes were tearing up while scrolling through your memories together. chigiri一god’s greatest soldier, was really, really doing everything he can to encourage reo back on his feet. It was like helping a spineless creature to straighten up. 

it's quite impressive, he can use all his abilities on soccer pitches, give his best assists, be the heart, the mind and the soul of the field. Yet behind the plate was a completely different person, a hopeless guy curled up in a ball of your blanket that carried most of your left cologne, and sobbing till the sunrise. and today was a special show, he was absolutely shattered because your scent was slowly vanishing. 

all chigiri can do is pinch the bridge of his nose in foiling, “listen, how about we go out or something? there's a nearby place we can get lunch and-”

“they used to love that restaurant¦” reo whines, shoving his phone into the redhead face, it carried a picture of you smiling blissfully and unaware, cheeks rife with food. “they're.. cute, so cute it makes me want to die.” falling backwards on the silky duvet of the queen-sized bed. 

“Please don't, I still need my monthly allowance on genshin.” the one time nagi decided to finally say something, it had to be this. and chigiri never wanted to zip up someone's mouth so badly.

“you keep on stabbing yourself in the throat, you dumbass. if you can't do it then I'll do it for you.” stretching out his arm, opening up his palms for reo to hand over the phone and get this over with already.

in an instant, the phone was being embraced tightly to his chest, “no! I can do it myself, I just need some time," Chigiri just raised his hands in surrender, mumbling a quick ‘whatever’ as he jumped out the bed, leaving the extra space for his friend to grieve, alone.

it was a miracle that his tears still remain un-parched. Every photo he scroll through, the lump in his throat narrows painfully. clinching his lips upwards every time he crossed over while you were smiling, it hurts so good. He doesn't recognize whatever the knot in his stomach was reducing in sorrow or ecstatic.

he wasn't trashing any of those, he couldn't find it in his heart too. instead of criticizing himself of what he should've said to make you stay, what could've he done to swoon your heart instead of fleeting it. you'll keep on tip-toeing around his heartstrings and he'll let you without a charge.

he squeaked in his pillow, he just kept on bruising himself, torturing himself by the dim memory of what the two of you had once. something that not even money could regain or even soothe on. he yearned for one more kiss, one more embrace, one more chance to get a glimpse of you and he'll die a happy man, that's a lie, he'll misses you even after death.

he wished for you to come and haunt him, eat him to bits. but it was like he was the one haunting the crumbs of you.

on the middle of his groaning mess, an amber eyes staring sharply at him, his figure casting a shadow over his state. “here, drink up.” nonchalant, he handed him a random juice he ‘eeny, meeny’ his way to. reo accepted the drink, his arm sluggishly taking it. chigiri swore he was about to crack the glass over his head if he wouldn't stop this pitiful little act of his.

“why are you even this hardcore sad? you were never like this in the last weeks.”

“it's their anniversary, but not anymore I guess.” nagi shrugged, still too focused on the screen of his phone to pay the slightest amount of attention. turning a blind eye when reo flinches a bit at his truthful words 

“have anyone told you you're a terrible human being?” 

one sip, a second one. and his lilac eyes were watering for a million time. “they used to love this drink.” he whispered.

“i genuinely hope you choke on it.” 

rin: it got so bad, he talked to sae about it.. running a few years backwards, if you told the sixteen years old itoshi rin he'd be seeking his own deadbeat of a brother to vent he'd spit out in your face with no second thought.

and if he could, he would've. because rin was rethinking his life choices, taking a step back every second yet taking two ahead then comprehending once again. and now there was no going back, what was between him and the urgent fate was a wooden door. 

his hands buried deep in his pockets instead of making an attempt to knock. he found gazing at his pair of shoes much more entertaining. 

he didn't have it in his head to think straight, not when you clouded over like an angry storm, all he can do is take it and let your teardrop roll down his face, or maybe they were his own tears, he couldn't savvy it. 

after a deep lungful of air, rin thrust his forward, just an inch away, only to stop briskly. sae? really? just how desperate is he? very. he come to cuss himself for counting you as the one and only person he apostrophizes with. if only he’d listen when you would rant about him approving his social skills, he should've listened instead plugging his ears. He wished he listened to a lot of things you said..

in a rush, the door unlocked in a swift. almost making him funk backwards, unraveling the sight of his older brother, standing unimpressed. and before rin could speak a word, sae took the lead. 

“you know I could see your shadow casting under my doorstep, right?” 

Rin clicks his tongue in annoyance, and when he doesn't reply, the reddish head moves to the side, and rin steers his way in. shutting the door behind him, sae jog away, letting him take off his shoes. not even a proper welcome, he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up.

the apartment was quite tidy, a strong aroma loomed underneath his nose. Despite that, it was awkwardly dull, not even ghosts would bother haunting it. rin takes a seat in a solo couch, fumbling his fingers in a bothersome way, the silence was a deadline, not anything he wasn't used to.

It was just the first time rin had come here, by himself. without an actual family required to stick to the back. 

or without you.

unintentionally, Rin's leg keeps thrusting. a bad habit of his when the tension gets thick. every passing second he berates himself even further, damn him for having only one path to seek solace in, for allowing only one soul to soothe over his frail heart, for authorizing only one embrace to delay him.

and damn you for carving open his heart. just to leave him to bleed.

the echoing steps of sae cut his strails of thoughts. settling down his cup of hot tea. rin raised a brow at the uncivil manner. “you didn't ask for one.” his brother shrugs calmly, oh he was driving him nuts with this unchanged attitude. 

breathe in, rin.

reverberating voice called, so he obeys. straighten his pouster. “I wanted to talk to you about something. it's important.” 

“I can tell. and your sidekick is nowhere to be found, did they finally ditch you?”

his hands clutching up in a makeshift ball, rin says nothing.

“oh, so they did?” sae blows a few times over the overheated cup, taking a sip then uttering something under his breath. “Well, that's unfortunate.” adding another cube of sugar as he retorted. 

rin only got something out of this, that his brother didn't give a single fuck. and it drove him to the edge.

“You can at least pretend that you care.”

“never said I didn't.”

“you didn't have to, it's fucking showing.” rin seethed, his clenched hand striking the table balance, making the sugar cubes fall out of place. his anger was collapsing even the sweetest floras.

that doesn't nuge sae the slightest, but makes him frowns his brows a bit, because he was the one who had to sweep that off later.

the tension was solid and bulky, and Rin refused to break eye contact with the equal hues. Daring him to say something, anything. Yet he took it as a challenge, like he always does. The only way he communicates with sae is by beating him, proving himself. He'll die on that hill, even if it killed him itself. even if it has killed you already.

he knew this was a stupid idea, he should've just rotted in bed, he should've kept on living in the repeated circle of misery. He should've just lived up with every rush of breeze rustling his mistakes over and over, where he could've sworn that it was your voice.

breath, rin.

he was fucking trying. 

“So what do you want me to do about it? be your wingman and pair you together again?” 

“or, you could just say nothing. listening is enough.”

after a moment of silence, sae shoulders ease up. a guster pointed for him to keep going. so rin dose, he rants and rants like he had the time of the world right in his palms. It was mostly about you, how you were something that became his everything, how he should've stopped you like he wanted to, how he let you be driven away like he always does, how he should've apologized like he was supposed to. 

blustring about ‘what the if’s’ and what would've happened if he just.. he loved you like you loved him.. if only he tried. he can't blame it on his immense ego, his lack of communication, the digged hole on his soul that you bleeded to fill, you gave all your flesh till there was nothing left but bones.

he could've rebuilt the broken pieces of your heart, but they were too sharp to hold. He bled within every one, he was bleeding to ashes, to nothingness. 

you loved till there was nothing left to love about you. you drained down the hill. not even his blood could fulfill you.

his voice would crack, a dust cloud blows over his eyes, yet sae would stare at him ever so flatly. if he even dares to say disappointment. disappointed that his younger brother was just a copy past of him. 

someone that kills everything he touches.

When rin has nothing left to say, sae stands up. reaching his pocket for a card that carries a name and a number. as the dark-head flipped the card between his fingers, blood-thirst eyes narrowed at him.

“a fucking therapist? are you fucking kidding me?"

“you clearly need one.”

“I don't, is this some kind of lukewarm joke?”

“stop being corny, I'm trying to help you here. if you aren't willing to let yourself feel the sense of loss, you can suit yourself out.”

and with that, sae turns his back to him. like he always does. climbing the stairs to his bedroom, leaving rin to reconsider where his actions have driven him, how beyond it threw it all. 

although, he’ll never let himself feel the sense of loss. never. He'd rather be haunted by you than be alone forever, he'll be a stray till you pick him up again.

lmao wrote this with nagi plushie watching me like a hawk

[hedwig221b]

Fic authors self rec!

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

I got tagged by @cozyrosykay, thank you, love!

This is gonna be interesting…

Predators

He was born for this. Nature itself whispered into his ear where he should put his hands, how to twirl his tongue just right and when to bite. Stiles knew well enough that his saliva was currently working its magic on this unfortunate man, making him hungry, lustful, and insatiable. Soon, all his thoughts would be consumed by Stiles.

And, just this once, Stiles would allow Derek to consume him.

I still consider this my best work (yet! bc I'm writing something currently and y'all… it's a contender). But it's so fucking good, I'm sorry, but it is! Each time I finished writing another piece, I closed the doc and told myself that this is the best thing ever. I love how gentle Derek is with Stiles, I love how persistent he is with his love, almost arrogant with his confidence. He's like oh well, Stiles is confused but it'll pass. I'll be here anyway. Forever. !!!!!! I love Stiles as a creature, and I love him embracing the darkness and being unapologetic about it. I love this fic so much.

Eros Mania Amor

“I am just reminding you that Stiles is married. To me. All you can do is imagine, and I get to do all of those things you’re dreaming of to him. Yes, I know. I know everything you and others think,” Hale opened his eyes and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. His smile was despicable in its selfishness. “I know what you dream of when you look at his lips—”

“Stop it.” Jordan shook his head.

“— because I am the same as you,” the wolf ignored him. “I imagined everything you did, it’s just happened that my dream became the life that I get to live. He is here,” he tapped his own temple, “and here,” he tapped his chest. “And you would have to kill me to get us separated.”

This fucking fic… I was high on reading Dracula, and I love classics, and I definitely put all my love for it here. I love the language in this, the intrigue, the misleading. I also love when sterek's love is so overwhelming and unbreakable. I also kinda ate with the imagery in last sentences... I ate in general with this fic lmao

Torn Apart and Set Anew

“Someone’s here,” Stiles whispered, feeling weirdly numb.

The metal latch clicked. With ice filling his lungs and his fingers shaking terribly, Stiles swiveled his head in the direction of a window and froze for a beat of a second.

There was a face behind the glass.

Forgettable and plain, but at the same time familiar face.

This deserves more attention, and it's probably my fault for putting a weird summary resulting in it not getting a lot. Anyway, I love the suspence. I love Stiles' stubborness and I love the plot twist. About that: I like how I make it obvious who's the villain and (I hope) the reader thinks they already got the plot twist... But then the real plot twist comes and it's like... FUCK. Also Derek in this is soo…. ugh... and the ending!!! Asffgghjjkhgrjsskr

Treasure

“I know you don’t trust me,” Derek grunted. When Stiles inhaled to retort, Derek caught his chin and pressed a finger against his lips, making the boy freeze in place, eyes impossibly wide. “Don’t argue. I expected it. Wolves don’t trust easily, too. I just wanted you to know that… I’m sorry. I was selfish and didn’t see what was in front of me. You don’t need to worry. I’ll take care of everything.”

It was a thought that grew in his mind, spread to his heart and took root there, reincorporating into a deep desire and a vital need. Derek will take care of him and his little pup, he’ll bring the hearts of his enemies and put them at the boy’s feet. He’ll court and he’ll conquer.

I have my issues with this fic but ELI!!!! KIRA!!! DEREK!!! iykyk lol but yeah I often go back to this fic just to reread Eli parts, I loved writing baby Eli, he's gonna come back in Jane Eyre au for sure. I also never cried this hard during writing a fic, not before and not since. That scene... One of the best scenes I've written, the grief is so raw and scolding... shit I might reread this...

your fangs against my skin (the sound of your bones)

This was it, then, huh? It was that easy for Derek to invite someone to his den. Someone other than Stiles.

He healed the wolf. Stiles killed his tormentor, mended his blood and bones, and let him sleep beside him. But none of it was enough.

He wasn’t a spark, after all, but a witch — evil and alone, locked up in his tower.

Witches didn’t get happy endings.

One of my recent gems, I would even call it mild in terms of darkness and angst. It's a comfort fic for me. I love how relaxed Derek is around Stiles, how both of them crave each other's comfort and give it so easily. I also loved Stiles' witchiness, he's so weird and fun lmao, also LYDIA

.

Tagging gently in case y'all already did this: @dear-massacre @renmackree @endwersed @nerdherderette @thotpuppy @invisible-storyteller @eevylynn

[givehimthemedicine]

Madwheeler and Super-El: Max and Mike's perspectives on El as the (super)hero

working on another post pondering El's role as "the hero" vs the way the show really doesn't support that concept, and places huge importance on teamwork instead.

the hero is usually the strong/capable one expected to take all the risks and save the day, and other characters feel free to throw them at danger without fearing too much for their safety, especially if they also have powers. but when the hero is a little girl, that's harder.

so today I'm chewing on how El is viewed in that light by the two people closest to her - both of whom are prone to contextualizing her powers through a fantasy lens.

so, here comes one of my favorite El-Max topics, but also one where I've shortchanged Mike in the past. I need to revise some of the old stuff I've said about Bad Guy Mike identifying El as a superhero vs Good Guy Max identifying El as just a girl with superpowers. that was a pretty superficial read on both ends.

(I'm sure the Mike parts will be kindergarten review for his fans/analysts, but I don't usually pay him much attention; this is aimed more at the Mike-hater/ignorer elmax crowd I spawned from)

this is a long ramble, but a fun one I think!

let's start with Max.

for her, El begins as a mythological figure. she doesn't believe she exists as described by Lucas. but then El proves her existence via a very badass entrance, and it only supports Max's idea of her as some kind of invincible, superhero-esque figure.

Max scoffs at the idea of El needing Hopper's protection at the lab. actually, El does need it, bigtime! closing the gate takes all her focus, and without Hopper there to fend off demodog attacks, she probably couldn't have done it.

Max doesn't see that, though, and presumably spends little or no time around El between seasons, so her first impression goes unchallenged for almost a year.

we find s3 Max locked in HARD in her faith in El as the hero who can solo the baddie, take care of herself, and save everyone else. she seems to picture that having superpowers means El has nothing to fear.

the sauna is the first time Max actually sees El fight, and it doesn't go how she expects

El fights Billy, but gets overpowered at one point. everybody's stunned: this is the first time any of the party has ever seen El not decisively win a fight, so "uhhh... should we do something?" doesn't kick in instantly. Max and the others watch as El gets choked purple. only Mike intervenes to save her life and give her a moment to regain control of the fight.

"like she needs protection" and "you have super powers! what's the worst that could happen?" age like milk here. this is when Max sees that El is not invincible and needs help. lesson learned!

... ehh well.. actually what happens is, Max doubles down on her solo-hero-El stance after this and has a bigtime attitude about it.

and, okay, I'm ready to admit that Max's overconfidence towards El's abilities leads to her treating El more like she's a superhero than Mike does during this era. not her intent, but, what's said is said. (I'll get into it, bear with me)

when Mike worries about El endangering herself, Max accuses him of not respecting El's right to make her own choices. when Lucas suggests killing the MF with fireworks, she eyerolls him for thinking any non-El approach could be of value.

nobody was 100% right or wrong, but I see Max having the most crow to eat after all this. Mike was right to worry about El's limits and fear for brain damage: she loses her powers entirely (in the sense that this is later likened to the brain-scrambling of a stroke, can it not be said that El did take brain damage from the MF? not exactly how Mike meant it, but?). and Lucas is no dummy for the fireworks idea: it's all that stops El from getting flayed at one point.

El still helps save the day in s3, but as the big powerful solo hero? nah. least of any season. Max's repeated bets on her powers lose.

so why did watching El almost die in the sauna seem to have no effect on Max's perception of her? why does she still assert that El alone will kick all the flayed butts in 3x6, after she needed some nerd's help kicking (1) flayed butt in 3x4?

there is a visible effect! just not the one you expect right away.

mid-3 is Max's guilt and denial era

3 is when all the issues are coalescing that leave Max depressed in 4: she wished for something terrible to happen to Billy, and now it is, so it feels like it's her fault. she's not ready to cope with the guilt that comes from that, or any of the other dominos that are falling as a result.

"I just stood there and watched" is textually about Billy and the flesh monster. but if Max feels guilt for inaction, she would have similar feelings about El in the sauna, where she also took no action.

Max specified that her inaction with Billy wasn't because she was scared or weak, but because she didn't know if he deserved to be saved. It being a decision not to act is why she feels so terrible about it. I see no reason to think it was radically different in the sauna: I could completely buy that she somewhat chose not to act because she didn't think El needed to be saved.

I don't think either are cases of Max blaming herself for an uncontrollable freeze response, because we see multiple illustrations of her not having that response, whether it's herself or others in danger.

post-sauna, Max has plainly seen that El did need protection, and is struggling with the fact that she didn't provide any. the bathroom scene is when her guilt is the clearest, imo.

watch how she gets lost in the sight of El's bruises and stops what she's doing, and the way she asks if it hurts. you can imagine her logic in feeling like those bruises are her fault: both for "causing" the greater situation and for not making a move to help.

but what's really telling is the abrupt change of subject and tone from "are you in pain?" to "lol that Mike's a yapper amirite?". she has a lot of nerve putting Mike down after he's the one who just saved El's ass, right? but that's exactly why she does it. this is 14 year old coping with heavy feelings in an immature manner, as they'll do.

choosing Mike isn't just a random "lol madwheeler worsties" attempt to cheer El up. it's an attempt to bury her shame at her own inaction compared to his action in the sauna. by getting a laugh out of El at Mike's expense and shifting the theme of the scene towards making fun of the boys, she's steering into waters that reflect more favorably on herself, and her bond with El, than him/his.

so I think that's one big reason Max is doubling down on her confidence in El in mid-3: to absolve her guilt. she's trying to convince herself that El really CAN take care of herself despite what she saw. because if El is superheroically powerful, Max has nothing to feel guilty about (and in fact, is El's only good, supportive friend for having faith in her!)

season 3's war of the sexes

here's another reason I think Max doubles down. she has some male-specific trust issues at play behind the scenes in this season that have been messing up her relationship. as a result of El coming to her for advice, Max's private personal trauma-foibles get projected out into this "stupid boys" war of the sexes that clogs up most of the party's season.

why do I bring up trust issues? because Max does. her framing in the cabin argument is pretty bullshit: she spins Mike's concern for El's wellbeing into an issue of trust. which is a kinda odd word for the situation, especially considering it does not play to her advantage.

look at her regret that she let that word escape containment lmao:

Max thinks boyfriends can't be trusted, so it follows that girlfriends should always be trusted - and "trust" here means "trust El to save the day without killing herself". even though I trust it's been explained to her that that's classic El behavior.

she presents her case to Nancy and Jonathan, but a fair trial for Mike goes out the window when only Nancy weighs in. yep, the Nancy who's fresh off her own war with Jonathan about workplace misogyny and how he should've trusted her about the rat story. so Nancy's ruling (while none of it is wrong) has a heavy bias in the same direction as Max's, and totally glosses over the valid aspects of what Mike's saying. lmao at the way Jon mutes himself for this discussion. she's never wrong, son.

El's agency and ability prevail as the only real issues among the loudest voices in the room - neither of whom share the trauma of already having witnessed El exercise both to sacrifice herself.

oh, but then look what happens as soon as El starts losing another fight:

at least some of that was denial, because it ends abruptly right here. Max doesn't need it anymore, because she has something way better: another chance.

I think if the sauna truly hadn't changed Max's mind about El, then Max would've done the same thing here (stood and watched). but she doesn't. this time when El gets overpowered fighting the flesh monster and almost gets yoinked, Max jumps in to help pull her back.

(this is how we can be sure Max's inaction with Billy and the FM wasn't merely a freeze response. "I imagine myself running to you, pulling you away" - they showed her able and willing to do exactly that for El)

this is a huge step. but still, the anti-Lucas-fireworks stuff happens even after this. (she's a work in progress, okay?)

in fairness, El's powers are the more effective approach. she still has them here, and nobody foresees her losing them over a leg injury. if all had gone as expected, El would've probably done the heavy lifting in another FM fight at the mall. Max doesn't have to be so dismissive of conventional backup plans, but she's not wrong-wrong about this particular one, either: fireworks don't kill the FM. they're an invaluable distraction, yes, but not fatal.

by this point, Max understands now that El needs help/protection even though she has powers, but still places her faith in those powers above all else to handle the supernatural fighting. which I'd call a fairly reasonable, if sucks-to-be-El assessment.

more progress is made when El loses her powers:

this little piece of action is sooooo tasty as a bookend to the sauna scene.

this time, Max doesn't wait to see how the fight goes and then jump in for backup if needed. she takes the defensive lead this time, stepping out in front. none of these three have the physical strength to beat Billy, so she figures that as Billy's stepsister, the responsibility falls to her to try to stop him a different way. doesn't work even a little bit, but, credit for the effort to defend. (Mike too, full credit for trying)

s4 Max on El's power loss

we don't know of anything Max ever said TO El regarding her power loss. but during her curse era in season 4 she's still out there wishing for El to get her powers back.

this line was a rock in my shoe for awhile because I thought Max should've grown past the solo-hero-El mindset after s3. I wish the burden wasn't always on El, and I'd like to see Max express that too, and spend more time helping think of conventional solutions instead of just relying on El's powers to save the day.

but actually I just misinterpreted the line.

she doesn't say this during the discussion about how they're gonna stop Vecna. this is specifically in reply to Nancy pointing out that they need to find a way into the UD in order to do that. so Max isn't saying she wishes El would come kill Vecna / rescue her / save the day, she's just saying she wishes El could poke a hole into the UD for them so they can do it. opening a portal is the part the kids really can't do on their own. shooting/stabbing a guy, sure.

once a gate presents itself, Max never wishes for El's help again. she volunteers as bait while the others kill Vecna, which is an entirely conventional solution.

so, this still fits a general trend away from regarding El as a solo/super hero. as always, Max looks to El for the stuff that can only be accomplished with superpowers; what's really changing is that her perception of "things that can be accomplished without superpowers" is expanding. s3 to s4 shows an enormous decrease in her reliance on El for supernatural battle.

ooh but the final step (so far) is my favorite

Max really no longer expects El to solo, even when she shows up with powers and gives explicit instructions to let her solo. ("stay back" -> so, "just stand there and watch"? mm tasty)

Max does listen, initially, but when things go south, she tries to stab Vecna in El's defense (or more realistically, tries to distract him for a second).

the interesting piece of character growth here is not that Max tries to protect El even though El has powers. that's not new.

it's the implications of Max growing past volunteering her protection unasked, all the way to insisting on protecting El even after she said not to.

a very interesting choice from little miss trust-El-who's-saved-the-world-twice.

[Regina George voice:] so you agree? it is possible for El to overestimate her own limits? and her decisions should sometimes be challenged or overridden for her own protection?

like. Max and Mike are the only ones El has ever "stay back"ed. I mean, she's fought for everybody, but they're the only two people she's ever explicitly, individually, fought instead of. are we seeing it?

are we seeing how Mike's feelings in that s3 argument had a lot to do with watching El fight the demogorgon after keeping him back for his own protection - and that the instant Max has the vaguely-equivalent experience of watching El fight Vecna after keeping her back for her own protection, her actions get a bit more Mikey?

where will this go in s5?

unless we get an amnesia plot, s5 Max ought to have a specific brand of El-loss trauma very similar to Mike's, considering she most likely died thinking El had already been killed trying to protect her. (I'm 100% sure she never saw and 90% sure she never heard El in the mind lair with her so it probably looked like she was dead or at very least "gone")

seems very safe to say s5 will require El to endanger herself in order to save Max, and I'm very eager to see how this arc plays out in terms of Max's reaction to that (will we get a scene where Max actually tries to dissuade her?) and whether we'll get any kind of madwheeler handshake type moment about that.

I'm not saying Max and Mike will or should reach equilibrium in the end, but I am enjoying that they've both ended up sliding towards the middle ground since their argument. Mike has learned to better respect El's agency and independence, and now Max has learned that sometimes she too prioritizes El's safety.

so! Max starts out all starry-eyed over El, thinking superpowers are the solution to everything, only to become more and more inclined to help and protect the girl she originally thought of as a superhero. can't tell you how much I love this progression.

.

now let's talk about Mike

unlike Max, Mike never expected El to be invincible or save the day all on her own. it might have a lot to do with first impressions (which looks like she needs taking care of: the rainsoaked nonverbal child lost in the woods, or the MTV punk who just hurled a monster through the window?)

Mike does encourage El to use her powers to find Will (after she volunteers her ability and willingness), but just the void-searching, screwing-with-electronics type stuff. he never encourages her towards telekinetic battle; she does all that unasked. he never expects her to fight for them in any way that seems to seriously endanger her. in fact, he makes effort to protect her at those times.

season 2, he worries for El when she goes off to the lab to close the gate, in contrast to Max figuring she can take care of herself. Mike formulates the plan to draw away the demodogs to make it safer for her.

season 3 is the big argument where Mike's seemingly the only one concerned for El's safety, accusing everyone of being careless with El's powers and treating her like a machine. (intriguing that the actual word "superhero" wasn't invoked in this scene)

although Max makes valid points in this argument, bias from her trust issues causes her to take her points a bit too far. the same thing is going on with Mike. he makes valid points, but has bigtime loss issues that cause him to err in the other direction (arguing El is risking her life "for no reason" when literally the world is at stake).

in fact, throughout the series, his concern for El's safety looks chiefly motivated by his own fear of loss.

"I don't want her to die looking for the flayed"

oh boy does that line tell us a lot. he says "looking for". not "fighting". y'all see the size of the can of worms?

Mike worries about her dying not in combat to save the day, but from searching the void for too long and dying from strain of power overuse. which raises the question:

if Mike is worried about power strain... shouldn't it have been a concern when she had to close the gate last year, which was 1000x more strenuous?

El's battery-drainage has been common knowledge since s1, so either:

s2 Mike didn't realize closing the gate would take lots of power (doesn't make sense; Hopper told them the gate had gotten huge), OR

is there some reason Mike would've become even more El-loss-motivated by 3 than he was in 2, even though he got to "keep" El at the end of 2?

yes! the reason is Will.

in s2, Will was in jeopardy. Mike's response to the El-gate-closing plan wasn't "oh no, El, don't! you might die or get brain damage!" it's "okaycool but let's make sure Will is safe first." when he does fret for El's safety, he specifies that it's the demodogs he's worried about. he makes no mention of power strain.

in s3 the world is at stake again, but suddenly now Mike is all "oh nooo we can't let El strain herself" regarding a comparatively extremely-low-power-intensity task (plus El is older and presumably stronger since s2). the key variable is that this time, Will is fine.

Mike has always cared about El's safety, but back when Will was at stake, he was able to overlook power strain on her as regrettable but necessary. right now, with Will's safety a non-issue, Mike is free to make El's safety his top concern, even to the point of judging all the others for acting basically like he did in s2. priorities.

anyway, back to the greater subject:

none of his behavior in the first few seasons looks much like the way someone would treat a superhero.

if Mike has always understood that El needs help and protection, why does he get all superhero-y about her by season 4?

has he grown increasingly awed by her powers as they've strengthened? is Mike's arc the inverse of Max's, with him regarding El as more of a superhero over time? I don't think that's it.

I think framing this the same way for Mike as for Max is wrong, and misses what's really neat about this contrast.

we have to think about why each of them liken El to a superhero in the first place. it's not for the same reasons.

Mike and Max admire different qualities in their favorite superheroes.

Max superhero name drop: Wonder Woman Max is a girl from a broken home who's felt abandoned, rejected, or abused by every male figure in her life, so we can see the obvious appeal in a strong, independent super-woman. (isn't WW's Lasso of Truth also just what a girl with trust issues would want?)

things like relative invincibility (I know WW isn't literally invincible but like, compared to a regular person), female independence, and ability to defend herself (esp from men) are defining superhero qualities to Max because they're a mix of what she has to be, and what she wishes she could be. she probably imagines that if she were WW, she wouldn't have to worry about anyone or anything that's making her life suck the way it does. WW is MM upside down. coincidence????? (yes)

that's what Max thought El was, early on, hence genuinely thinking El could take care of herself in the sauna.

so does Max just stop thinking of El as a superhero? not necessarily in every sense. right around the time Max is letting go of those preconceptions, another El-WW commonality becomes evident: El helps save the world not with superpowers, but with compassion for Billy.

a mainstay of the Wonder Woman character is the dichotomy of her dominant force aspect and her nurturing humanity: her overwhelming belief in love, empathy, compassion, and having a strong conscience.

I'm not sure whether to think El told anybody how she got through to Billy at the end. but if Max does know, then there are still Wonder Womanly things for her to admire about El's actual character, even if she doesn't think of her as a superhero anymore in the defining sense.

Mike superhero name drop: Superman invincibility is more of a Superman thing, but not one I see evidence that Mike esteems in Supes, wishes for himself, or expects from El.

the qualities I figure Mike admires in Superman are evidenced by the ones that reflect in his own character: things like loyalty, protectiveness, strong sense of justice. nobody thinks his powers aren't cool, but I sense the real allure for Mike is the way Superman uses those powers for good. that's how Mike would use powers if he had any.

I think such qualities are also what he likes about El. I'm giving him a huge benefit of doubt here, because he hasn't made this clear textually. but in the monologue, I see now how he's calling her a superhero for her character, not her actual powers. he admires her for her loyalty to her friends, her commitment to fighting for good, her constant choice of love over hate - all that jazz. stuff that really does apply with or without her powers.

Mike superhero name drop: X-Men when Lucas says El is a "weirdo, not a superhero" Mike doesn't deny her weirdo-ness, he defends it, in other words saying someone can be both.

the X-Men are outcasts due to genetic mutations, so their appeal is obvious among a group of nerds who are bullied and called freaks over a variety of prejudices. through an X-Men lens, Mike can find strength in the discrimination and struggle to fit in which the party faces in real life.

this all applies to El too, who faces definite struggles from not fitting in, getting bullied and called a freak as well.

two indicators that Mike meant it specifically in an X-Men way when he called El a superhero during their fight:

one: this conversation started with her talking about how she is different, doesn't belong, and everyone thinks she's a monster.

two, Mike's word choice. he's already referenced his bullying, but his use of "mouth breather," a s1 throwback word referring to Troy ("I was tripped by this mouth breather Troy") links his thought process back to the X-Men conversation specifically (which took place on the heels of Troy bullying the party).

Mike didn't call her a superhero like "they don't have telekinesis and you do, so you rule and they drool!" he meant "yes you are different from everybody else, and I know that sucks a lot of the time, but the way you use your unique qualities to fight evil is what makes you awesome, like the X-Men!"

Mike superhero name drop: Mister Fantastic

the first person whose superpowers Mike praises isn't El. it's Dustin! he thinks the hyper-flexibility Dustin gets bullied for is cool, kind of like the stretching powers of Mister Fantastic.

I don't know Mister Fantastic so I had to look up what his deal is, and was intrigued to find this:

.. although his cosmic ray powers are primarily stretching abilities, his presence on the Fantastic Four team is defined by his scientific acumen, as he is officially acknowledged as the smartest man in the Marvel Universe.

rather reminiscent of Dustin, the genius child who's always explaining magnets and the plot to everyone else? looks like his "superpower" is not the only reason Mike likens Dustin to Mister Fantastic. just like El's isn't the only reason he likens her to Superman.

anyway, Mike thinking of El as a superhero isn't the problem per se. the problem is him never articulating that he doesn't mean it in the hurtful way

Mike's had two big scenes where he REALLY needed to make this clear to El, and didn't (if I'm even on the right track here).

El doesn't know jack about superheroes except that they have powers, so when Mike calls her that, she has no idea he could be referring to anything other than her powers. you can't tell me she ever read a comic for him or listened to him talk about Superman. I can't remember El ever even politely feigning interest in Mike's interests.

the only time she's ever listened to anyone lore dump about superheroes was Max about Wonder Woman, and if my above reading is accurate, early s3 Max probably focused on superpowers more than character.

the closest we ever came to E listening to Mike talk about a "superhero" he likes is:

it's not like he extolled Yoda's bravery or anything. just telekinesis. so it's little wonder what her takeaway is here. all she has to go by is what he says out loud.

and when Mike reassures her, unprompted, that she'll get her powers back at the end of s3, it just reinforces her notion that telekinesis is really important to him.

when actually, I think Mike just says that because it's important to her. she's lost a part of herself and he wants her to feel whole. (whether El truly wants her powers back for her own sake or because she fears she's not valuable to others without them is another conversation - point here is, Mike saw her try, fail, and look upset about it, so he reassures her.)

ps, I do like how reaching that teddy bear for her serves as a micro illustration of the way he's willing to help reach goals in conventional ways instead of relying on her powers.

but yeah, again, clearly she thinks he means her powers when he calls her a superhero and she answers "not anymore".

which leads to a question I've yelled at the tv more than once: why didn't he just clarify as soon as El said "not anymore"? this whole thing could've been nipped in the bud?

I think he doesn't even realize the miscommunication.

his intent with the superhero "compliment" might just be so obvious to him that he doesn't realize it needs clarification for her.

"but how could he miss the miscommunication? what else than her lost powers could she mean by "not anymore"?" maybe Mike thinks she DOES already understand that he means the superhero thing in terms of admirable character. so, when she says "not anymore", maybe he thinks she's referring not to her lost powers, but to her lost standing in his eyes since hitting Angela?

I've pondered before about how maybe Mike's admiration of El's Supermanly "unwavering moral code" is why he was so upset that it apparently wavered after Rinkomania.

he didn't say anything to clarify after "not anymore" because he is still sorting out those feelings.

I'm not sure Mike realizes even after the "I have gone to become a superhero again" note (which he reads after finding out El is in training to get her powers back).

his reaction to the note isn't "oh no, I didn't mean superhero like that!" but rather seems all about his regret about El leaving him behind as a result of his failure to force an "I love you". (ah, the old fear of loss disguised as romantic love again)

I don't believe he'd fail to apologize/clarify if he realized the way that this hurt El. he can be an ass, he can be stupid, but he does reliably own up to his mistakes and apologize.

I used to think the "with/without your powers" line in the monologue meant he was aware of the miscommunication, and was trying to clarify. but he did such a bad job clarifying that it makes a lot more sense if he actually still hasn't clocked the issue at all. I gotta think he couldn't have been dumb enough to say the superhero thing again unless he still didn't get how it was hurtful in the first place.

he does have El on a pedestal. it's just not because of her powers.

the monologue is largely selfish, and doesn't land well for El, but it's not the worship-of-superpowers Mike is so often accused of. he's locked onto the "I love you" thing, caught up in his own fear of loss, and completely missing the optics for her.

the superhero thing can be cleared up with a single conversation. the true underlying issue, which would still persist, is this "extraordinary vs. ordinary" dynamic in his mind which isn't serving either of them well. he's got low self esteem from viewing himself as some useless loser compared to her; and the last thing she wants is another guy considering her extraordinary, which has been a horrific liability all her life, and she just wants normalcy.

reason #7519 why 🦴.

in conclusion: Mike and Max having different Super-El arcs is the good arc for both of them

as Max sees El needing protection, she comes to realize that powers don't grant the kind of freedom/safety that she daydreamed would go along with being a superhero in real life. so for Max to decreasingly regard El as a superhero is a positive thing.

as Mike sees El continue to loyally fight against ever-greater forces of evil and the social struggles that come with her uniqueness, he continues to admire the same qualities in her that define his favorite superheroes. so for Mike to still/increasingly regard El as a superhero is a... well-intentioned, potentially positive thing. (it can be, if he takes her off the pedestal and explains this in a way she can understand.)

[bingbongsupremacy]

Pt. 3

Pairing: Father! Eddie Munson x reader

Warnings: I've never been on tour so the set up with how it's planned is probably wrong.

Series Summary: Years ago you and Eddie used to be friends. After you graduated, you two fell out of contact. After years of not speaking to each other, Eddie offers you a job you can't resist; be a nanny for his little girl.

Part Summary: Being a nanny for the child of a famous man is a lot harder then you expected. Will you be able to handle it?

*Not Proof Read*

Tag List: @maskofmirrors @saucypeanuttt @hugdealer

Pt.1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

******

This is it. We're going to fly.

I look out of the small airplane window beside me. We're so high up.

The sky is bright blue with minimal clouds. That helps relieve some of my anxiety. At least we don't have to worry about a tropical storm or something.

We're still so high up though. If someone were to fall off the plane, even when it was touching the ground, it definitely wouldn't be pretty.

In a few minutes we're going to be thousands of feet in the air. That's terrifying.

" You alright? " Eddie's voice breaks through my thoughts. He glances up at me from a random rock magazine in his hands.

I nod stiffly, pulling my gaze from the window. I take a small breath to help myself calm down. " Yeah, I've just never been on a plane before. I guess I'm a little nervous. " I admit while beginning to play with my fingers. " Flying over the ocean is freaking me out a bit. "

Eddie sets his magazine on his lap and turns his full attention to me. " It's going to be alright. I've done this a million times. Nothing's happened then and nothing will happen now. Just try to distract yourself. " He reassures me. " Here. " He pulls out another magazine, this one also about metal music news. " It's band stuff so I hope you don't mind, but it might help to take your mind off of everything. Plus there's a pretty fire crossword puzzle in the back. " He says with a grin, trying to help me feel better.

I smile at him. " Thanks, Ed. "

Eddie's grin widens at the use of his nickname. " Why of course, m' lady. " He exaggerates a playful bow in his seat.

I roll my eyes. " You're a clown. "

" Actually, I prefer the term Jester. " Eddie laughs at my reaction. He glances to the chair next to him where Rose is curled up against the arm rest. The look of pure adoration in Eddie's eyes sends a flutter of happiness through my body.

He loves her so much. He's matured a lot since High school. I never would've pictured him to be this responsible. It's amazing what having a child can do to a person. He just wants the best for her.

" She's a great kid. " I compliment.

Eddie nods in agreement. " I'm very lucky. She's put up with a lot, especially with the tour and everything. "

I wonder where her mom is? I haven't heard Eddie mention anything about her and Rose never calls her.

" If you don't mind me asking, " I begin cautiously. " where's her mother? "

6 months seems very long for a kid to be apart from their parent, especially when they're as young as Rose.

A flicker of anger crosses Eddie's expression.

Worried I offended him, I try to fix it. " You don't have to tell me. Sorry, that was very personal, I shouldn't have asked. "

Eddie shakes his head. He gently pulls the blanket around Rose's small shoulder. " No, you didn't do anything wrong. " He sighs. " It's...it's a long story. "

Overhead the pilot announces that we will be taking off. My hands clamp onto my arm rests as we suddenly begin to move. I refuse to look out of the windows, focusing my attention on our conversation. " Well, lucky for you, I don't think I'll be going anywhere anytime soon. " I nod towards the window. Out of the corner of my eye I can see the ground rush by. We're going to fucking fast.

When we pick up from the ground my stomach drops. A weird unsettled feeling courses through my body. I try to ignore it.

It's okay. It's just a plane.

Yeah a plane thousands of feet in the fucking air.

Eddie seems to pick up on my distress. He leans forward in his seat, as well as forward as the seat belt will allow him to go, and he pats my knee. " It's gonna be alright, Y/N. " He glances over at Rose who's still sleeping and very much unbothered by what's going on around her. " Her mom is a model I met at a party a few years ago. We dated for a bit and then we found out she was pregnant. " Eddie sighs. " She wasn't that interested in being a mom, her career was just taking off. We tried to stay together at least until Rose was born but she wasn't happy. We decided it was best if we broke up. She isn't around much. She's still out there 'finding' herself. She's supposed to come see one of the shows when we get back into the States. She wants to see Rose. We'll see how that goes. She doesn't even bother with child support so I wouldn't be surprised if it's too difficult for her to make it out to see Rose. " He doesn't sound like he carries much belief in the woman.

" I'm so sorry. " I send him a sympathetic look. " That's very rough. "

Eddie shakes his head. " It's alright. I've got Rose and Rose's got me. She doesn't need anyone else. " He tenderly brushes a strand of hair out of the young girl's eyes. " Besides, now she's got an awesome nanny who will be there for here when I can't. " He sends me a smile.

" Of course. "

I've only been around the little girl for a little while but I'm starting to grow more and more protective over her.

Eddie and I continue to talk and eventually, my fears of flying begin to subside and I can finally relax.

It's nice catching up with Eddie. It's been so long since we've seen each other. I forgot how easy he is to be around. In many ways he's changed but in so many others he's exactly the same. He's kind and funny. He cares about what I have to say.

Things my ex struggled with at times.

I don't even realize when I begin to fall asleep. The peaceful atmosphere along with Eddie's soft voice lull me into a hazy state.

" Y/N? " Eddie's voice feels distant and quiet.

I don't respond, my lips feeling too heavy to move. I manage to muster up enough strength to crack my eyes open just enough to see through my lashes.

" Can I get a blanket please? " Eddie asks a nearby flight attendant. She quickly returns with a blanket which he opens up.

I hear the faint click of his seat belt as he takes it off. He shuffles around for a moment before leaning towards me.

My eyes, too heavy for me to keep open, close completely. I feel Eddie's gentle hands tuck the soft blanket around my shoulders. His touch is light as if he's scared of waking me up.

" Sleep well, Y/N. I'm so glad I ran into you. " His voice is so quiet I almost miss his words.

Too exhausted to think over his words, I let my mind slip into darkness, the feeling of safety and comfort completely surrounding me.

I missed Eddie.

*****

" How the fuck did they find out we were going to be here? " Eddie's slightly panicked voice.

My eyes widen at the sight in front of us. Dozens-no hundreds- of people are gathered around the entrance of the hotel we're supposed to be staying. Some are carrying large cameras with blinding flashes that go off as they snap pictures of the car. Others are loudly screaming and carrying signs. Everyone is loud and their eyes are desperate for a chance to see or be noticed by one of the boys.

" Someone must've leaked where you're staying. " Eddie's body guard, Tony, sighs. " Don't worry Ed, we'll get you guys in there safely. " He leans over to say something to the driver.

Eddie turns to me. " I forgot to pack sun glasses for you guys so this is what we're going to do. I'm going to get out and cover you two with my jacket. Keep her face hidden. Try not to look into the flash, that shit can blind you. " He pulls a pair of sunglasses out of his backpack and slips them on. " Trust me, it's not fun stumbling around while not being able to see. Don't worry about the bags. I'll send someone back to grab everything. "

I take Rose out of her car seat and pull her hood up. Eddie waits for me to get ready before he finally opens the door.

Noise floods into the car and the light is so much brighter than what the tinted windows let through.

I'm terrified. The crowd looks uncontrollable and hungry for the attention of Eddie.

The hotel's security struggles to keep a clear path for us to walk through. They firmly tell the crowd to back up but their voices only end up blending with the chaos of the screaming fans and inquisitive paparazzi's.

Eddie keeps true to his word. As soon as he's out of the car he turns his back to the crowd and holds his jacket out.

I hurry towards him, terrified of being in this mess longer than we have to be.

One of Eddie's arms snakes around my shoulders to block out the flashing lights. I tuck into his side, pulling Rose closer.

I keep my head down to watch my feet and keep an eye on Rose who's now restlessly twisting in my arms. The noise and lights are too overwhelming for her, she looks like she's about to burst into tears.

" Daddy! " She squeaks while trying to reach for the man. I struggle to keep a good grasp on her.

" It's okay, Rosie. It's okay. " His voice is calm, but I can tell he's nervous. His body is tense against mine and he's basically holding onto my shoulder for his life.

" Eddie! Who's with you right now? It this a new partner? " Someone shouts from around us.

" Is Rose there? How old is she now? "

" What do you have to say about the band that allegedly copied one of your songs? "

" Show us who you're with! "

Questions dart through the air causing an overwhelming feeling to flood me. There's so much going on.

" Back up! Back up! " Tony demands ahead of us.

" Please give us some space. We're just trying to get into the hotel. " Eddie's voice is forcibly polite.

It'll be over soon. We're almost there, right?

Damn it this walk feels like it's taken an eternity. The entrance really didn't seem this far away from the car.

Out of the corner of my eye I spot of hand reach under the jacket. It roughly yanks me back, causing me to slam further into Eddie. I let out a small gasp in surprise, my eyes widening.

Eddie firmly holds me down so I don't fall backwards, both of his arms grabbing onto me. " What the fuck! " He exclaims, pulling me further towards him and away from the person who grabbed me.

The jacket slips down slightly and I'm able to peek out over the top.

Rose is now full on sobbing, terrified of the sudden rough movements. Her small hands cling onto my shirt, looking for any form of comfort. The top of her head slightly peers out from between Eddie and I revealing one of her tear filled eyes.

I pull one of my hands over her face, trying to bounce her slightly.

I don't know what the fuck to do? How am I supposed to comfort a child when I don't even feel safe myself.

Eddie's livid. He sends a rough look towards the paparazzi who yanked me. " What the fuck is your problem? Don't touch them! Back the fuck off, you entitled piece of shit. We're fucking people! My daughter's right here! You could've hurt them both. " His grip around me is tight and protective.

The man's eyes widen in surprise. He's momentarily paused from taking pictures. " Hey man, I didn't mean anything buy it. I was just trying to get your attention. "

" Well you fucking got it. " Eddie snaps.

I haven't seen him this mad since failed Mr. Ryan's chem class for the 3rd time.

" Eddie please, let's get inside. " I beg the man.

Eddie's eyes shift towards us. His anger seems to morph into slight concern at the sight of our state. " Yeah, I'm sorry. Let's go. "

He sends one last nasty look towards the man who pulled me before we continue towards the hotel.

Eddie was right. These lights are blinding. If Eddie wasn't holding my shoulder's I'd definitely fall.

We finally make inside and I let out a breath of relief.

The doors close behind us and immediately security guards stand in front of them to block the entry of the nosy mob.

Eddie lets go of me and immediately reaches for his daughter. He shields her from the windows by blocking everyone's view with his back. " Oh, baby. " He mumbles with guilt. " I'm so sorry. Daddy's sorry. " He gently rubs circles into her small shaking back.

We make our way further in to the hotel and finally out of the view of the mob outside.

The crying seems to have worn out Rose because by the time we reach the front desk she's passed out. Not that I blame her, the whole day's been exhausting.

We collect our keys from the front desk before beginning our journey to find our rooms.

" This was a mistake. I shouldn't have brought her here. What if she's like traumatized now? She's too young for all this crap. " Eddie mumbles in concern.

" Hey, she's going to be alright. " I try to reassure him. " She's a strong little kid, she'll be okay. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. "

Eddie doesn't look like he believes me. Instead of voicing his concerns further, he chooses to nod and remain silent.

We finally come across the massive suite we're staying in. As soon as we enter we're greeted by a large common area with a beautiful gift basket full of treats. To the side is a small kitchen and bathroom.

Eddie disappears into one of the other rooms, one I'm assuming is a bedroom.

I make my way into the other room and a rush of exhaustion hits my body. I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I saw the bed.

I abandon my backpack near the door and flop onto the bed. A small sigh escapes my lips as I close my eyes to block out the bright lights.

This is going to be harder then I thought.

[chaoticpolarity]

Ok, I just saw Sonic 3, and I'm gonna talk about it under a Keep Reading, so spoilers ahead on the movie and my thoughts

I'm still a little insane off the adrenaline, so my thoughts may change later, but this is what I think fresh off the experience.

It was REALLY GOOD, but I'm not going to lie to myself and say that it was incredible and met all the criteria. I'm gonna get the negative-ish out of the way first, then I'll rave, okay? Okay. Gerald Robotnik also played by Jim Carrey basically fell into the trap I was worried about, in that he was kind of just another Eggman in a slightly different coat of paint. The two Robotniks are very different flavors of insane at the point in which we meet them in SA2, so, while I hoped Jim Carrey may prove he has some range as a Robotnik, I was a bit let down, but not entirely surprised. He wasn't BAD, per se, but he sort of shone a spotlight on how I'm not the hugest Jim Carrey Eggman fan anyways. That's my opinion, of course; I know some people really like Jim Carrey as Eggman, and again, he's not bad.

Also, I know we as fans were told that Shadow and Maria's story would play a big part in the movie, but...I have to say, that's the real sticking point for me with this movie, especially with Shadow Generations to compare it to. Did anyone notice that Maria's influence on Shadow was really muted? It was there, and he clearly cared about her a lot, and I did like how they showed Shadow was alienated from the scientists and had doubts about his potentially being a monster. But Maria wasn't portrayed as sick, she didn't show any love for the Earth (probably because they changed the story and location of the lab, cuz that wasn't the ARK), and so she didn't really influence Shadow's taking care of the Earth after she was gone. Which sort of made her loss...pretty generic, in all honesty. Like, I know Maria was fridged in the canon material, but the movie actually made her feel MORE fridged in not giving her as much of a voice for Shadow to be influenced by and for Gerald to twist around and ignore.

Anyways, I think that's the negatives out of the way; let's get more positive now, shall we?

Compared to the previous movies, the dumb silly moments were actually weirdly enjoyable despite the cringe. Like, during the Eggmen's laser light show dance, I said, out loud, "I hate that I kind of like this," lol.

I was actually kind of surprised at how they subverted some of my/our expectations on how Sonic and Shadow interacted, especially near and at the end of the movie. To make Shadow be the one to Sort Of talk Sonic down, and then Sonic talk Shadow down, and then have Sonic be the one to lose his Super form and plummet to Earth, while still having Shadow "die" in the end...lots of twists and turns there! I did like their little quiet moment on the moon, admittedly. I knew it would probably happen, cuz Shadow needed to switch sides, and Sonic was gonna be the one to do it with the absence of the girls, but it was still nice.

The "Talk about a low budget flight" moment TOOK ME THE FUCK OUT??? Like, I did not expect them to go full reference at that moment, but OF COURSE SONIC WOULD SAY THAT THERE.

ALSO, I EXPECTED AN ORCHESTRAL REMASTER OF LIVE AND LEARN, BUT I DID NOT EXPECT THE ORIGINAL CRUSH 40 MIX TO PLAY AT FIRST, LIKE HOLY SHIT???? LMAO THAT WAS KIND OF AWESOME.

Anyways...now let's talk about the part where I actually screamed...which was, of course, the mid credits scene. Here's a play-by-play of how I reacted: "Oh shit, Metal Sonic! ...Hmmm...I'm a little disappointed, not gonna lie, since that's technically another "guy" character, and I was hoping for at least Amy...wait...wait a minute, weren't Amy and Metal Sonic introduced in the same game? wAIT-" *Amy appears, busting up the Metals with her Piko Piko Hammer* "YES!!!" But yeah, like, holy shit, fears of it being a trilogy averted! Also, since the end-credits scene confirmed Shadow didn't die, and is in a different locale than everyone else...and Amy Rose is introduced next movie...that means there's a VERY real possibility that Rouge is coming along too!!! YAY!!! Anyways, I rate the movie an 8/10 as a Sonic fan (different rating if it was for being a movie). Better than the previous two, which were a 6/10 and a 7/10 respectively. Not exactly what we all hoped for out of a Shadow story, but not bad in any ways, just sort of diluted compared to the source material.

[whatusername00]

Which Baldur's Gate Characters Know How To Lace Up Their Clothing - Tiefling Edition

Or, Part 2. Honestly didn't expect my earlier post to be so popular, but I enjoyed doing it and enjoyed taking the screenshots for this one too. Honestly I intend to continue doing this regardless of how popular it is because I need to know.

I went through all the tieflings at the Emerald Grove, so if someone's not listed here it's probably because they just don't have anything that laces shut. I don't think I missed anyone.

Starting with Zevlor. Honestly I'm not even sure this is actually lacing rather than decoration. If it is laced, it's the only spiral lacing I've seen so far, but's its so miniscule I'm not totally sure. There are other instances of this same pattern that definitely are decoration, but this is the only one that looks like it goes over two pieces, so I'm convincing myself it's actually laced. I give it a 8/10. Perfect execution, but so small I don't know why it's there at all.

So Alfira, Lia, and Rechel all where the same corset with slightly different colors, so I'll just judge them all at once. Something I've noticed is that Larian rarely shoes the knot where these characters tie off their lacing, which really bugs me. It especially bugs be here, since corsets are one of my favorite things to make. But, the corset (both the front and the sides) have a horizontal lace at the top and bottom, which is accurate and not seen on a lot of the lacing in game where it should be, even if it is missing a knot. Lia and Rechel get a 9/10, and Alfira gets a 9.1/10 because I like the purple lacing.

Zorru and Lakrissa both have this sleeve lacing. One of the very few instances of knots being shown! Unfortunately, it's not laced properly. They do the same thing Astarion does - one eyelet in a pair is laced from the outside, and the other is laced from the inside. For cross-lacing, they should match. Also, I think this is two separate pieces of lacing instead of one long piece, which bugs me, but there are clearly two knots which is nice. 7/10.

As far as his front closure goes, it's nice! Honestly I'm a little bored of the cross-lacing at this point, but I guess that's just the style at this point in time. The lacing is consistent, which is something some of our companions couldn't do. 10/10.

As far as his shoulders go, I don't know how I feel about it. It's a bunch of different pieces of lacing, which means a bunch of different knots to tie. Definitely tied everything together once and never bothers with it again. Which, same. I do that with my shoes. 8/10 at least cut the ends to be the same length dude.

Bex's shirt is the same as Tav's starting outfit. Her skirt, however, has...this on the back. We're going to ignore her tail phasing through the top two crosses. At first, I hated the design, because why do you need a skirt that's split down the back. Honestly, the only thing that would be needed to sell this design to be would be to get rid of the top two crosses that I can obviously see, then it would make sense, because of the tail. But then why don't you just sew the skirt together from there down instead of lacing it? It already ties in the front. I guess I still hate the design.

But I digress. I'm arbitrarily judging the actual lacing job, not the skirt design. 8/10 there's no knot.

Toron is cursed with the lack of knots. I'm also fairly certain this is 3 separate laces, because I don't think this pattern is possible with one lace. If it's not knotted and the ends are just hanging down on the inside of his overshirt, I can only imagine how annoying it is. Honestly like 3/10 I hate looking at it.

Asharak, Danis, and Kanon (and Blurg, but he's not here) have the same outfit. And the way this is laced is not physically possible without fastening the lacing into place with sewing or glue or something. The lacing goes in and back out of the same eyelet on each cross, which would just pull the lacing out. Also, once again, not ends, no knots. 0/10 not physically possible.

Listen. This lacing is kind of atrocious. And given the circumstances (orphan, child) I'm willing to forgive him. However, that top right eyelet. He laced it in and back out of the same eyelet. Can't do that. At least 2 eyelets are missing. And I was having a hard time actually following the lacing so I pulled out a corset to try and follow - that lacing is not possible. The 4th eyelet from the top on the left has too many lines going to it. So, sorry Mattis, but 0/10. Meli also wears this top, btw.

Mirkon wears the same overshirt that Yenna does. So someone taught him how to lace his shirt properly. Didn't really help him with the harpies, but at least he looked put together while being lured. 10/10.

Arabella and Zaki wear the same outfit. And there no knot. Can you believe it? No knotting your lacing, in this game? Never seen before. It also seems to have the opposite issue and Asharak, Danis, and Kanon. Her lacing seems to go in and back out of the same eyelet, but instead of coming from the top, it comes from the bottom. Regardless, same issue, 0/10 not possible.

Locke and Umi wear the same outfit that Tav wears by default, except Locke's pants button instead of tie. That means the notes are about the same. They know how to lace, yay. Though they switch the lacing on the final cross, it has purpose - to keep the ends of the lacing on the outside (though it still sticks out.) 9/10.

And I think that's all the tieflings. And wow is it a lot. If you want to see this same thing for other characters, I'll link them below.

Camp Characters

[igglemouse]

Meeting that guy last night really did improve my mood. A lot. There was something refreshing about it or I guess that's just because it was completely unexpected and also, he was hot? That's important too.

I'm just not sure what to make of the whole watch thing. It felt like a slick pick-up line at first, you know, "Oh baby meeting you was destiny" kind of thing but I did sense some magic about him so if it was just a pick-up line it worked.

Any ways, I'm going to write you an entire grand romantic story about destiny and magic, far too early for that, I'll just enjoy my pumpkin soup.

Also, I bought a tub because lets be honest baths are soooo much better than showers. The latter exist for when you are in a rush while baths? Baths can be an experience. Get it all worm and add rose petals and a bath bomb and just sink into it. Just soak the stress away!

It would not be a normal day for me if I were not receiving some odd warning. Another man claiming to be a wizard with a deep and serious voice trying to give me some ominous riddle. I get this a lot actually, perhaps too much? Either way, I don't have time for it. You all know how I live my life, if they want to come find me, they can. My mother probably put some ward on me that would zap them dead any ways so I'll choose to ignore it for now.

Then it is time for my usual collecting, my usual ritual. It's a habit by now. Herbs, gems, wild fruits, whatever I can find I guess with the hope of getting lucky. I don't, of course, at least not today, but perhaps some day? A girl can hope, again, allow me my delusions.

And then I'm back to practicing my witchcraft or trying to practice my witchcraft. As you can see, I'm getting nowhere with it, but I can't help to try especially after Niklas' visit. It motivated me? Yeah, he was dismissive about it but it made me want to prove something?

So here I am stirring away at my pot, hoping for something, a flicker or spark, that maybe this is more than just warm water but of course nothing happenes. A few bubbles (probably from the heat) but no spark, no flicker, not even a sizzle. Just nothing.

Maybe magic is overrated after all.

BTW, meaning, 'by the way', by the way, any ways! I bought a laptop! Which means I also needed to buy a desk because what would I place the thing on? That also meant I had to buy a chair because am I just going to stand and use the laptop? Yeah, I spent a few simoleons today, that's not the point. The point is I have a little workstation now!

I guess my little collecting hobby does bring in more than a few simoleons, it adds up. Now that I'm all set up I think I'll start a blog? A nature blog? I might as well, I go out every day to collect so it's a topic I'm knowledgeable on, so it's a 'natural' fit.

Just an idea for now. The more things you get into the more opportunities you create.

With a lot more of the day to play with I head to the Shrieking Llama and guess who I run into? Mr. Destiny himself, Niklas, just sitting there almost expectant. Did his watch tell him that I was heading here?

"A little late, are we?" he teases as I join him at the table.

I raise an eyebrow, curious but also a little worried. "Does that watch predict where I'm going? Sounds like the kind of magic a stalker would have..."

His laugh comes easily and cuts through some of the dim chatter that surrounds us. "Nothing like that, trust me," he says with a comfortable smile on his face. "Just a coincidence, I hang out here a lot. I like the vibes, I guess, but I've never seen you here before?"

I give a little shrug. "I'm just getting out more. Fresh air, seeing the town," I say looking around a little. This place is just your typical bar around here. Average drinks for average people but certainly there is nothing wrong with being average. Sometimes, I wish I were. At least then I'd still have parents and not be exiled from a magical community that I wouldn't even know existed.

We fall into an easy conversation, settling for topics that are safe. The weather, pop culture, just a lot of filler, but despite the light topics my mind is stuck on the more fantastic. Magic. Once you are involved with it then it tends to linger around you. Besides, it's apparently how we've met.

"So, what kind of magic do YOU practice? You said it's all overrated but..."

He pauses, smiling for a moment before he answers. "It's nothing special, Grace," him saying my nickname catches me off guard. For a moment I wonder how does he know but then it's a natural nickname for someone like me and I have a feeling I'm pretty popular among spellcasters for whatever reason. "May I call you that?"

"Y-yes, of course. Most people do any way."

"Right..." he leans back in his chair a bit, considers his answer. "Just simple things, like the ability to fix a broken faucet or clean a dirty toilet without using my hands."

"O-oh," that does sound pretty boring and yet... "Hey, even that is useful." I wish even I knew that. Even the small spells could go a long way into improving your life. Less of a risk of getting you in trouble with the realm as well.

After that we eased back into a relaxed conversation but this time one about movies. More specifically, movies centered around magic. We found a lot of agreement on that topic since we found it funny how incorrect the movies get it. Either way, it was the perfect conversation to wind down our date and with the sun dipping below the horizon it was time to get home. Odd things happen at night, after all.

"I'd like to accompany you, gentlemen things, yeah? Make sure you get home safe."

"Umm, yea, sure!" I would welcome the extra time with him and like I've said. Odd things happen at night, no one knows that better than I.

I make it home just as the sun takes its last peak for the day and as he walks me to my front door her stands there, lingering. He wants to say something or maybe he wants an invitation inside? I think he's just thinking of a reason to hang around longer, but why? Maybe he's just interested in me ooooor "You're not a vampire are you? A daywalker?" I ask laughing and he chuckles back. "Do you need an invitation?"

"No, no, but I guess it would be proper. I am a gentleman, after all."

I suppose that's fair.

"I, Gracelyn Matlock, invite you, Niklas, into my humble home!" I declare with a flourish of my hand and a little flair to my voice.

He laughs at my goofiness and I hope appreciates the extra theatrics "It did not have to be so formal but thank you, I'll take it."

I should have known that the real reason he was so shy about coming inside was because he wanted to take our conversation other places. Romantic places. Intimate places. Places that I wanted it to go since meeting him, honestly.

So there we were, cuddled on the couch, shoulder to shoulder, our playful conversation bringing us together and our flirting just felt natural and right. For a moment I wonder if it is destiny, fate, or whatever you want to call it, it does feel magical, and when his hands reach my shoulders I can't help but relax.

"How does that feel?" he asks, squeezing and kneeding with the the hands of an expert.

"Nice..."

"You know what else is nice?"

Before I could reply his lips were on mine. Slow at first, testing and tenative, we were both exploring. Curious to see if it could turn into something more, curious to see if we would fit together, if his watch really did work.

That stage didn't last long, before we knew it the kiss had deepened, it turned into certainty and there was confidence between us that this was right and more so that this was inevitable.

He tries to slow down, pulling away slightly, maybe to just take a breather and consider if this was the direction we should go. He wanted my permission I realized, he wanted the go ahead to continue. I give my head a little nod because where else was this going to go now? We were of like minds...

And so we do go a little further...

It turned out that Niklas would not be the only guest Gracelyn had that night...

Episode List - Next

[mischievouslittlecreature]

Life update and general ramblings under the cut. Honestly I have no expectation of anyone to actually read all of this, I just gotta get it out somewhere.

So. I'm gonna try to continue to keep things as normal on here as I can, but if I disappear, or if I'm not responding to things as consistently or as quickly, this is why:

I'm dealing with a little bit of a health scare right now. And before anyone freaks out (like I am) it's probably nothing major to be concerned about. But for those of you who don't know, I have major health anxiety and am a bit of a hypochondriac, so I've been more or less teetering on the edge of a complete breakdown since I found out about this. It's been hard to find the motivation or focus to do much of anything, and some of the other mental issues I've been dealing with like my OCD have been majorly triggered by the stress this whole thing has caused and are running rampant.

It's been really discouraging, not only because I'm dealing with the fear that I may be seriously ill, but also because all the progress I thought that I'd made in overcoming some of my psychological issues like my OCD feels like they've gone out the fucking window.

I have another test on Friday that will determine if something actually is truly wrong or not, and I likely won't get the results until the week after. So I'm more or less in my equivalent of purgatory until then.

I'm going to try to get some comments queued up this weekend, so I can at least say that I did something productive, and so I'm not completely absent on here in case I do need to vanish for a little while. If there's anything particular you want me to see or respond to, please tag me in it and give me a little nudge if I don't respond fast enough. I promise I'm not ignoring anyone on purpose.

And don't worry about this affecting Love Me Where I'm Most Ruined. I'll still be updating on my weekly schedule. And even if things do go as badly as my brain is convinced they will and I am in fact dying, I'm gonna do my best to try to finish the series.

Anyway, I don't mean to freak anyone out or anything. Like I said, I think that this is just mostly my health anxiety having a fucking field day with the rest of my brain. But I just wanted to explain why I may be or have been a little off.

[makshu]

Yesterday I was thinking about something... remember the first time Tsukasa saw Yashiro and Kou? That time in volume 4

Well, I went to take a look at it and noticed something interesting, Tsukasa's reaction when he saw the two was the same, he said the same thing, he just had different expressions.

Let me show you

That was his reaction when he saw Yashiro, "wow" was what he said with an expression that was kind of impressed and surprised at the same time, and then he held her hand and smiled at her.

Let's take a look on his reaction with Kou now

It was the same reaction. "Wow" again, but this time he seemed more shocked and angry

These could be completely normal reactions and easy to ignore, if it weren't for what happened at the Red House. That's where Tsukasa met Yashiro and Kou, it was his first contact with them

At that time the two helped and protected Tsukasa, they had empathy and compassion for him. One of the first people to care about him probably, he was very happy with their visit, he said so himself

Tsukasa liked them both, he still likes Yashiro, remember? He doesn't hate her, she helped him in the past, why would he hate her? Same reason with Kou, especially since Kou was the one who spent the most time with him. In fact, Tsukasa is grateful to them for visiting.

Apart from the fact that Kou said all those things to Tsukasa, but I'll ignore that for now

Tsukasa having the same reaction to both of them is now justified, so it's not a coincidence. I believe that Tsukasa with the seal has all the memories from the Red House, so from the beginning of the story he already knew who Nene Yashiro and Kou Minamoto were

This reaction demonstrates surprise and how impressed he was with these situations. The people who helped him before were now against him. Anyone would be surprised, right? Especially Tsukasa who doesn't have a good understanding of emotions

Speaking more directly about his reactions, I'll start with Yashiro.

In addition to being impressed, his surprise may be that she is together with Hanako, and her purifying powers are being shown. And she really hurt Tsukasa in a way, attacking him first. The shock of seeing an old friend is present here, the surprise of seeing where that person has come, and even more so being so close to someone you love. Maybe he felt hurt? Betrayed? She attacked him, she didn't remember who he was. But maybe he already expected this, he knew it could happen.

Talking about Kou

Tsukasa was in shock to see Kou again, and perhaps more shocked to see his old friend with such an angry expression on his face. That expression was for Tsukasa. Kou didn't recognize him either. How could he? That hadn't happened yet, at least for Kou. Tsukasa was also angry that Kou was interrupting his goal at the moment.

This is it. He was surprised to see two old friends again, and this time, against him.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I just saw the excellent post about Chuuya's loyalty and 1) how he hasn't questioned his philosophy and 2) "In a world where a "path" typically involves challenging the characters' philosophies and forcing them to reevaluate, what the hell is going to have to happen to get Chuuya to do the same?" (quoting you)

Chuuya is always used by others. He's not the only BSD character whose been taken advantage of, but it does seem to be reoccurring with him? First by the government who intended to use him as a super weapon, then by the Sheep who used him for his ability, then by mafia/Mori (getting him to join in exchange for sparing the sheep, keeping his past from him and giving him incentive to become an executive and stay in the organization). He's constantly used for his power.

Please tell me if I'm misinterpreting what you all said, but it seems (to me) that Chuuya ignores the mafia's/Mori's manipulation because they have helped him and given him a home+family, so he's instead loyal to them.

Because even though Mori has not and is using him for his power, he still allows it/goes along with it because they've helped him in the past and earned his loyalty.

So Chuuya tolerates being used.

He's now being used again, obviously, in part, because of his power. We have Fyodor referring to him as just his ability and bragging about how he can "use" him better than Dazai ("doesn't that mean you're unfit to USE a gravity manipulator")

Do you think it's possible that just being vamped and used again will cause him to reflect on his mentality? He's once again being used (but be it in far more blatant way: literal mind control. Also reminds me of Verlaine+his creator). Reflecting on how he's been used in the past and no longer accepting being used by others anymore?

Or do you think it might have the opposite affect and push him deeper into the mafia somehow

Also it's interesting that Fyodor is using him but hasn't earned his loyalty (like the sheep+mafia) and how that'll affect Chuuya

I'll get to the second ask in a bit but I'm combining these because they're related.

About the first ask: I mean, yeah, you're right about this. I don't know that I'd consider it so much "ignoring" though as "the benefits outweigh the costs so whatever", and I do want to state that I'm pretty sure Mori is genuinely at least a little fond of Chuuya (see: their conversation about leadership at the end of Fifteen), and his Mafia colleagues do respect him.

But yeah, you are absolutely right to say that there is a pattern of people who want Chuuya for his ability and his loyalty, and/or reduced him down to these traits. Playing hot potato with the escaped military lab experiment and the Mafia won (<-simplification for the funnies but still).

But here's the thing: if this was the end of it, we might expect to see some resentment mixed in there from Chuuya. He was blackmailed with the Sheep's lives. His past was intentionally locked away from him until he worked his way up to executive. That's... not great.

But instead we find pretty much only gratitude from him. Why?

Well, see, there's a reason I put the return of Chuuya's screwed up self-concept in the tags on that post, because it's kind of at the heart of his impressive loyalty. Chuuya believes that since he is the one with the strongest power, that makes him responsible for protecting everyone else, which means that he rationalizes any concern or protection directed at him as something "above and beyond", and worthy of recognition and repayment. Remember that he genuinely felt like just a vessel for power and nothing else for apparently quite a bit of his childhood, and the Sheep emphasizing that he owed them for taking him in probably did not help.

When it comes to having his back, the Mafia did this for him in a way no one else did. They protect their own, a value that aligns closely with Chuuya's own personal philosophy. The Mafia is also relatively safe from external threat, if we recall Dazai's pitch to Odasaku in Day I Picked Up Dazai - Odasaku is being targeted, but no one in their right mind would challenge the Mafia just to get to him. So, the Mafia has provided Chuuya with protection, comradery, and relative safety, which in my mind all condenses into a central need that takes precedence over everything else to him.

Chuuya's core need is actually stability.

And this makes quite a bit of sense. He started off as a kid with no memories and a whole lot of trauma he couldn't remember the roots of. One's past is a source of stability, but that had been taken from him. His position as leader of the Sheep was shaky. Even his identity as a human being was called into question. Chuuya as a kid and teen was largely untethered, separate from everyone else with no way to ground himself. Under those circumstances, something that originated as a chain could easily become a safety rope.

And once Chuuya found this stability, there was really no need for him to change anything. So he didn't. He settled into his new role and became really, really good at it, and didn't bother to re-evaluate beyond that. Why would he? That minimal core need has been met, despite the rocky beginning.

Which brings me to this second ask because it's actually incredibly relevant. Yes, Chuuya and Sigma are alike. You are not losing it anon.

Let's run a list, shall we? They both awoke with no memories and a missing history, and had their humanity called into question. They were used and blackmailed repeatedly, which they were, fortunately and unfortunately, consciously aware of. When they find something that matters to them, they become violently defensive of it. They both operate on principles of reciprocity and transaction because that is what they believe to be normal in relationships (Sigma's ability even is quite literally a transaction!). They both have pretty low standards for their assistance (Sigma hearing one (1) single person (Atsushi) be kind to him in what he thought were his last moments, Chuuya "You have helped Chuuya! Chuuya will now kill and die for you!" Nakahara).

Above all else, they are looking for stability. They are looking for a home.

As of yet, Sigma hasn't found a true home, but it seems we may be building up to him joining the ADA. The key part is Sigma's realization that the Agency doesn't rely solely on transaction. Dazai is not using the Agency, the Agency is not using Dazai. The Agency members are all helping each other. They care about each other.

Meanwhile, Chuuya has already found a place that provides his core need, but there's one caveat about the Mafia that should be clarified here - as Odasaku says in Dark Era, people within its ranks don't talk about personal matters and feelings with each other, and everyone instead keeps to themselves. If you don't talk about your issues or air them out, relations tend to stay personally shallow and dictated almost entirely by the demands and positions of the organization. This is not a conducive environment for reappraisal or self-exploration.

Unfortunately, this is ideal for Mr. Chuuya "I'll keep all my emotions right here and then one day I'll die" Nakahara.

Chuuya has found some measure of stability - solace in his own self-defined identity in spite of the initial ambiguity as to his humanity. "This is who I am", "Till those flames die down, I can't just do whatever I want", "I'm gonna do what I need to do", etc. But importantly, this identity is entangled in whichever group he happens to be a part of, which in this case is the Mafia. This kind of self-identity cannot exist without the structure of an organization. It relies on the reciprocity of a group.

Moreover, it relies on Chuuya showing very little vulnerability. Compartmentalize, and move on. He expects that of himself.

So, we've established that Chuuya has his core need for stability met by the Mafia - a relatively secure place that runs on transaction, which is familiar to him - yet it also doesn't push him out of his comfort zone with respect to emotional vulnerability and openness. What this means is that, in the Mafia, Chuuya is practically invincible, both physically (his ability, his martial arts prowess) and emotionally (personal life kept hidden and guarded as a Mafia expectation).

Unfortunately, this means Chuuya also remains stagnant as a character, which finally, finally brings me back to your original question anon.

No, I don't think the vampirism is enough to trigger change in Chuuya's character. Chuuya has some standards, and treating him like a tool (and Dazai's tool, no less) is going to seriously piss him off, but that's anger at Fyodor, and it doesn't impact his stability with the Mafia any which way. If Chuuya had've been forced to activate Corruption to escape the drowning then maybe he would've been angry with Dazai enough for something to shift (activation being his own choice is a huge theme with them), but since he didn't, I expect Chuuya will unfortunately just shrug it off and roll with it. Probably yell at him for a bit, but nothing that would have far-reaching consequences for his character unless there is something about his current situation we don't yet know.

I think for Chuuya to grow and change as a character, he needs something major to shift in his life - the threat has to come from within his place of security. He needs to be destabilized. Something needs to happen that specifically targets his tethers and his self-concept.

Personally, my money's on the destabilization of his bond with Mori, who he has the most respect for, because that might trigger development related to leadership and goals, but I guess we'll see. I think it'll probably be incredibly heart wrenching and hurt us all severely, whatever it is.

Huh. I wrote a lot. Congrats for making it to the end! I'm going to sleep now. :D

—

Edited by removing the entire middle section because it was absolute garbage and probably should’ve been its own post. I hope the rest of this holds up. That’s what I get for writing things at 2 in the morning I guess.

[alj4890]

A Slight Detour

(Liam x Riley) in a Choices The Royal Romance one shot as requested by @twinkleallnight

@twinkleallnight sent me the above image for inspiration. How cute is that little figurine?! Hope you get to feeling better soon!

Taken from Book 2 of The Royal Romance

Masterlist

**********

Paris...

"I think we should plan on meeting with the Prime Minister," Madeleine studied the latest itinerary, "and with the Foreign Minister."

She grimaced at their already tight schedule for the next couple of weeks.

"Perhaps we could do a luncheon before we leave for Shanghai."

She glanced up at the silent man beside her and waited on his approval.

Liam had his chin propped up on his fist as he watched the streets of Paris go by in a blur. His mind was nowhere near where a newly crowned king's should be. He instead was stuck in a daydream of what this engagement tour could be like if he'd been free to choose the woman he wanted.

His lips slightly curved at the thought. He knew that meeting with Heads of State would have taken a backseat if Riley was his fiancee. He'd have ignored his duty to show her just how romantic Paris can be if one was with the perfect person.

How had he been so fortunate to find the one meant for him and yet equally as unfortunate to be denied her?

"Your majesty?" Madeleine said a bit louder.

Liam jumped over hearing the slight shrill sound of her irritated voice.

"Pardon me." He mumbled. "Did you say something?"

Madeleine huffed before launching into another round of reminding him of his duty.

"Does that change in schedule agree with you?" She prompted when he remained silent.

"Yes, of course." He responded.

Liam knew there was little else he could say. He might be king with all the power that came with it, but he knew it was nothing more than an illusion. No one was more tightly bound with little say in anything than he was.

Madeleine eyed him silently after adding their latest event.

"Is something wrong?" She asked.

Liam blinked. He couldn't recall her ever caring what type of mood he was in. He must be more despondent than usual if Madeleine noticed.

"Nothing to concern yourself over." He told her.

Madeleine rolled her eyes. One look at his face was all she needed to see he was thinking of Riley. He was the kind of man who probably expected the City of Love to truly be that very thing. It was foolish to think such in her opinion, but she supposed she could be magnanimous to the less fortunate.

"You have some free time after the fashion show." She pointed out. "Why don't you invite Riley to spend the evening with you?"

Liam's startled gaze flew to her face. "What?"

"I said, why don't you invite--"

"I heard that part." Liam interrupted. "I'm merely shocked that you would suggest such a thing."

"You hid your little rendezvous in Venice, quite well." She complimented. "I trust you to do the same here in Paris."

He knew that was all she asked of him.

"Don't embarrass me", Madeleine pleaded on the night of their engagement. "As long as you keep your affairs out of the news, I will not care who or what you do."

It felt odd. He didn't care one bit for Madeleine, but to still have one's fiancee give her blessing, even help set time for his dates, it was weird to say the very least.

Liam lowered the privacy barrier to speak to their driver.

"Pull over, please."

The moment the car paused at the next corner, Liam got out.

"Where are you going?!" Madeleine demanded.

"I need to clear my head." He told her.

"But the fashion show!" She shrieked. "It's being held specifically for us and Cordonia!"

"I'll be there." He promised.

Liam mentally groaned when Bastien stepped out to follow him.

"There's no need for you to come along." He argued.

Bastien, ever stoic, shook his head.

"Forgive me sir, but there is. You're not about to walk down the street alone when--"

"As king," Liam bit out, "I order you back in the car."

"Your majesty, I must insist--"

"Now." Liam told him.

Bastien sighed. He stepped closer to whisper, "You should be fine, just please pay attention to your surroundings."

"Thank you." Liam responded. "I need some time alone."

"I understand, sir." Bastien bowed before returning to the car.

Liam watched the procession continue on without him.

He took a deep breath, glanced about, and began walking down the sidewalk.

I wish Riley was--

"Liam!"

He turned about with a start.

Riley jogged over, pausing before him to bend over and catch her breath.

"My lady!" He exclaimed, bending down so he could see her face. "What are you doing out here?"

"I saw you get out and I decided to follow." She panted.

He shook his head, his first genuine smile forming.

"I'm fine," she wheezed when he gently touched her back in concern, "just very, very out of shape."

He chuckled, causing her smile to appear in hearing such a sound.

"What are you doing?" She asked, once she could speak without wheezing.

"Walking." He held his arm out to her. "Care to join me?"

Her smile widened as she linked her arm with his.

"I gathered that." She replied. "But where are you going?"

"Nowhere in particular." He told her with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "I simply was tired of being King Liam."

"Hmm." Riley paused mid step. She let go of his arm, moved directly in his path, and studied him.

Liam cocked an eyebrow in response.

Her eyes sparkled as she took in the handsome man before her. Her tender smile caught his attention as he waited to see what she would do next.

"And just who do you wish to be right now?" She asked.

Slipping his hands into his pockets, Liam bashfully ducked his head as he gave voice to what he wished.

"I want to be the man who can go out with the woman he loves."

He lifted his bright, blue eyes to Riley.

"I want to show you all the spots I dreamed of taking the person," he stepped closer to cup her cheek, "who would become my heart."

He pressed his forehead against hers.

"You, my love, are now the very thing I find myself wishing for everywhere I go."

Unable to resist him a second longer, Riley looped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

Liam clutched her close to deepen the kiss. He felt his spirits lift that he was finally able to share a kiss with the love of his life on the very streets he used to daydream doing so.

"I love you." She whispered, kissing him once more.

"I love you," he hugged her close, "so very much, Riley."

She grinned, taking his hand in hers. "So? Where should we go first?"

"Anywhere." He laced his fingers with hers. "Any place we go will be all the better with you by my side."

"You're going to have to stop that." Riley playfully warned. "We'll never leave this spot if you keep saying such sweet things to me."

"Would that be so terrible?" He asked, gently pulling her close once more. "I could happily remain here for all eternity if it meant I could be with you."

"Liam." She sighed. "What am I to do with you?"

"I can think of a great many things." He winked at her, feeling lighthearted for the first time in a long while.

She laughed and began to pull him down the street. "I'm almost tempted to demand you tell me some of those."

"Almost, hmm?" Liam smiled at her. "I suppose I will have to do all I can to tempt you even more."

"You are enough temptation as it is." She teased. "A girl can only handle so much before she tries to find some dark, hidden nook to pull Prince Charming in."

Liam stopped her. She watched as he began to scan their surroundings.

"What are you doing now?" She asked.

"Looking for a dark, hidden nook."

Her burst of laughter brought him such joy. This was what he needed. No stress of saying the right thing to the right people. No keeping a neutral expression on his face. No pretending to be the happy fiance of another woman.

He needed moments like this with Riley. He wanted to flirt with and touch the woman treating him like any normal man she would have met in a bar.

"Oh look!" She exclaimed, dragging him over to a shop's window.

Liam took in the many different figurines in the window. An entire miniature village was set off in the distance while little figures of people and animals were displayed to show life along the French countryside.

"I've always loved miniatures." Riley said softly. "My grandparents collected all kinds of them. I used to play with them when I was little."

She chuckled over the childhood memories that flooded her mind. As a little girl, she created a world of daydreams with the ceramic and metal figures.

"Would you like to go in?" He asked.

"Can we?" She asked. "I know we eventually have to go to the fashion show."

Liam glanced at his watch. Time was getting away from him. He knew the event hall was only five blocks away, but he did have interviews and such to contend with, especially since the entire show was for Cordonia's benefit.

His lips firmed into a thin line. He was not going to let any of that dictate this rare moment alone with Riley.

Opening the shop's door, he stepped back so Riley could go in first.

There was no hiding her excitement in exploring this place. Taking Liam's hand once more, she dragged him from one glass case to another, pointing out ones similar to the many she'd grown up with.

Liam indulged her, listening as intently as one possibly could. His tender smile remained upon her as she laughed and shared her secret stories she'd once created. He found himself falling even more for this unexpected side of Riley.

As they admired the craftsmanship of a set of tin soldiers, Liam's attention was drawn towards a little ceramic figure.

The groom was carrying his bride in his arms while she was kissing his cheek.

He felt his heart sink for the first time since Riley joined him on this little excursion. His future was racing towards a wedding, one he couldn't quite fathom happening. The little bride had blonde hair, much like Madeleine's.

I can never have that smile around Madeleine, he thought. I can't have that be my life.

Riley followed his gaze when she felt him tense up beside her. She knew, just by his somber expression that he was thinking of Madeleine.

Slipping her arms around his waist, she hugged him from the side.

"I'd like to think that could be us one day." She admitted.

Liam wrapped his arm around her shoulders, squeezing her close. "You do?"

Riley nodded, forcing a smile for his sake. She didn't want to let him know how worried she was that she would fail in finding a way for them to be together. He already had so much pressure as it was upon him. She couldn't add her own.

She reached over and lifted the figurine to study it closer. Unshed tears filled her eyes.

"I think I'm going to buy this." She decided. "For us."

"Us?" He took it from her. "The bride would need dark hair to be you."

"Or I could color mine." She reminded him.

Liam ran his fingers through her silky, black hair.

"I'm rather fond of this color." He said softly.

She playfully poked his side. "You better be."

He laughed then placed a lingering kiss on her forehead.

"I still think this is us." Riley declared. "Look at how happy they are."

She lifted her eyes to his. "I know I'm this way around you."

"And I with you." Liam murmured.

Riley reached for the figurine, eyes widening when Liam kept it out of her reach.

"I want to buy that." She told him.

"And I want to buy it for you, my love." He insisted. "For us."

"But, I--"

"Allow me, please." He pleaded.

Riley studied him for a few seconds. She could tell he needed this reminder as much as she did that they would find their way to their own happily ever after.

"Okay." She said softly. "Thank you, Liam."

The two walked quietly, both in deep thought, towards the venue once their purchase was complete.

"Riley?" Liam stopped her before they needed to revert to their current roles.

"Yes?"

"Would you like to go out with me this evening?"

"You know I would." She hesitated at the side door. "Where could we go?"

"Somewhere where we can enjoy Paris and be alone." He explained.

"I'd love that." She took the little box from him. "I'll hold on to this for us."

Glancing about to make sure no one was near, she pressed a tender kiss to his lips.

"I'll see you tonight." She whispered.

Once she disappeared, he looked up, trying to summon the will to be King Liam of Cordonia once more.

It was hard to find the strength to do so. All he wanted, was to continue this slight detour from his life. Was that asking for the impossible?

He glanced at the Eiffel Tower in the distance. He quickly called Bastien to set up a private tour for this evening. The place was meant for romance and he intended to take complete advantage of it.

But that would have to wait.

Squaring his shoulders, he entered into the venue. The moment he stepped inside, he was bombarded by his security team, nobles, and reporters.

He reminded himself that if he could get through these next couple of hours, he would be rewarded with an evening being simply Liam. No demands. No one expecting him to say the right things at the right time. No more pretending.

He was determined to have all that and more with Riley.

He would do everything within his power to make that little figurine a reality for them soon.