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billybob598 · 1 year ago

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Look What I've Got (Sophia Smith x Reader)

Heyyyyy. I did not want to put this gif in because it makes me sad, but I thought it made sense with the story. Also, this is a F1 reader, there was a little vote between f1 reader or swewnt reader and f1 won 8-6 so sorry to anyone wanting the swewnt reader but this is a democracy. I might do a similar one later with a swewnt reader for those people. Anyways, it's a shit title and a shit ending so have fun reading! Remember any feedback good or bad is welcomed! Enjoy!

Word Count: 2.8k (My longest fic ever wooooo!!!)

You were a proud girlfriend right now. Here you were watching your girlfriend of almost two years, Sophia Smith, playing in her first-ever World Cup. While you missed the group stage games due to the F1 Grand Prix in Hungary and Belgium, you were finally able to come to Australia. Your girlfriend didn’t know that you were here yet nor that you were attending the USA’s Round of 16 match against Sweden. Throughout the warm-ups, Sophia seems laser-focused, so much so that she doesn’t see you sitting in the stands wearing her jersey. Of course, it is instead her best friend Naomi Girma who spots you first. When she points you out you don’t think you’ve ever seen your girlfriend's head turn so fast. Her eyes land on you and she sprints towards you with a blinding smile.

“Oh, my God! Baby, I’ve missed you so much!” Sophia squeals out as she hugs you tightly.

You chuckle, “I’ve missed you too, love.” When you pull away from the hug, Sophia immediately connects your lips. You reach back and slip your arms around her neck, trying to deepen the kiss. Gagging sounds come from beside you. Sophia groans and tries to chase your lips when you take your lips off of hers, suddenly aware of all the cameras, family members, and teammates surrounding you. You give her a weak smile and slightly push her back to the field.

“Nooo, I wanna stay with you,” she pouts. You find her pouting adorable, but as much as you want her to stay with you, you know that she has to go continue to warm up.

“Hi Y/N! I’m your favourite player right?” Naomi yells from across the field.

You wink at her with a cheeky smile, “Oh, of course. Girma on top baby.” Sophia gives her best friend a harsh glare before leaning in to give you one last hug.

“I’m your favourite though, right baby?” She asks quietly. You give her a subtle kiss on her ear while mumbling an “Always” to her.

As the game gets underway, you watch nervously at every movement the US makes. Each time Musovic makes a fantastic save you can’t help the little groan of frustration that leaves your mouth. You can tell Sophia is starting to get frustrated with herself, whenever she feels she misses an opportunity she puts her head in her hands. The skin around your nails has been chewn. When extra time ends still in a 0-0 draw, your nerves increase tenfold. As Andi steps up to take the first penalty kick, Mollie, Sophia’s mom, reaches down and grabs your hand, squeezing tightly. When Sophia steps up to take a potentially game-winning penalty, you and her mom hold your breath. You can only watch in despair as her kick goes over the bar, her hands going straight to her head as the reality that she missed sinks in.

When the VAR call comes through and Lina Hurtig’s penalty is called good, your entire body deflates. The entirety of the US team breaks down, including your girlfriend. All you want to do is hold her and comfort her when you see her crying. It’s not her fault, you know that, but she’s already got it in her head that she’s to blame for everything. After a couple of minutes of tears and hugs among the team, the players start to make their way to their families and friends. You let Sophia sob into her parents' shoulders for a while. Finally, she pulls away and looks at you. You try to give her a smile and reach for her. She looks away and slowly starts to back away from you. The confusion you feel is represented on your face.

“I’m sorry Y/N I just need some space right now,” she softly speaks. You nod, albeit confused but trying your best to be understanding. After a long time in the locker room and taking their showers, the players start to emerge. Sophia shows up, her eyes bloodshot and puffy. She heads straight for her family once again. You hang back unsure of what she wants you to do. Her family leaves the two of you alone when her eyes meet yours. Opening your mouth to say something, you are caught off guard when she speaks first.

“Just don’t, okay?” Once again confusion writes itself all over you.

“Don’t what?” You ask.

“Don’t say that I did such a good job, that it was just unlucky I missed and that I’m still young, or some shit like that,” she says, a bit of anger seeping into her voice. You nod slowly, carefully choosing your next words.

“Okay, I won’t say that. I do think you did a good job, though. But, if you don’t think you did then whatever. All I know is that you made me crazy proud,” you state, trying to cheer her up. You don’t know what happened, but it seemed that sentence had set off Sophia.

“Well I don’t care if you're proud of me, that doesn’t change the fact that we lost and it was all my fault! If you think that it wasn’t my fault, you’re astronomically wrong,” her voice rising with each word said, “I don’t care if you're proud of me. I don’t even know why you’re here, I don’t want you to be.” Her words sting. You take a step back, trying not to show just how hurt you are.

“Do you really mean that?” You ask quietly.

“Yes. Yes, I do,” Sophia says harshly. Of course, she didn’t mean it. She has no idea why she’s saying these things right now, her heart cracking at how dejected you look.

“Oh, okay. That’s fine, I think I’m gonna head back to my hotel I guess,” you whisper, looking down at the ground to ensure that she doesn’t see the tears pooling in your eyes. Quickly, you turn around and make your way to the parking lot. Your eyes stinging and your vision blurring, but you’ll be damned if Sophia gets to see you cry. The second you disappear out of her sight, Sophia feels terrible. Why on Earth would she say that? “I don’t care if you're proud of me,” who the fuck even says that? You flew halfway across the world to spend some time with her during your summer break which was only a few weeks, and this is how she treated you? For the entire bus ride back to the hotel, everyone is silent. Some people are crying, but Sophia is kicking herself over how she behaved towards you. She sends you a couple of texts, which she can see you read but don’t respond to. Then, when the team gets back to the hotel, she tries to call you a few times. Each attempt just gets your voicemail. Naomi, who was aware of the situation, just told her friend to rest and try again tomorrow. Sophia relents and comes to the conclusion that you won’t respond tonight and that she just needs to let you sleep and calm down a bit.

The next day, as soon as she wakes up Sophia tries to get a hold of you. She calls you again and again. While eating breakfast she’s on her phone, praying that you’ll reply to one of the many texts she’s sent you. Her friends are slightly concerned at how dejected the forward looks after each passing minute with no word from you. Finally, Ashley Sanchez suggests that Sophia goes to your hotel to try and iron things out. Their flight wasn’t until the next day so she had the time. After thinking about the idea for a bit, Sophia decides to just go for it. She does know where you are staying and figures it’s only a fifteen-minute walk over. Sophia plays with her rings the entire time, her nerves only increasing as she gets closer to the hotel. Finding your room easily, she stands outside of it for a few minutes, trying to plan out exactly what she’ll say. Eventually, she knocks and holds her breath. When you open the door, Sophia’s heart breaks at the sight. Your eyes were red and you looked tired. You had heavy bags under your eyes and your hair looks dishevelled. You were definitely caught off guard by Sophia just showing up at your door.

“Hey,” Sophia speaks softly.

“Hey, what do you want?” Your words have a slight bite to them. Sophia winces at your tone, but she knows it’s well deserved.

“Um, I just wanted to apologize, you know, for last night,” she says avoiding eye contact with you. You sigh heavily.

“Yeah, okay,” your girlfriend looks up at you confused by your words.

“Okay?”

“Okay. What you said was totally out of line and right now I don’t particularly feel like talking to you,” your voice is flat and she can sense a hint of anger in it.

“Oh…” Sophia trails off, now feeling stupid for coming over. Obviously you wouldn’t want to talk to her. “Right, sorry. But can’t we just try and talk about it?”

“What’s there to talk about? I understand you were sad and disappointed in yourself, Soph, but you don’t get to just lash out at someone who didn’t actually need to be there. I chose to be there, for you, and then you say shit like, ‘I don’t want you to be here’ That’s not fair to me and you know it,” you breathe out, happy to finally get that off your chest.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’ll do whatever I have to do to show you that I’m sorry. Please just forgive me and I’ll make it up to you, please Y/N,” she begs, her eyes full of tears at this point. Now it’s your turn to avoid eye contact, looking anywhere but her eyes. You hate seeing her cry, more than anything. While your heart aches to just forgive her, you know that you can’t just let it go that easily. She’s said sorry, but that alone is not enough.

“Soph, I’m sorry. I think I need some space.”

“What? No, no, no, please Y/N. I’ll do anything,” she continues to plead with you.

“I’m not breaking up with you, okay? Don’t worry. I just need some time. What you said wasn’t cool and I just want to calm down a bit,” you say trying to keep the emotions out of your voice. You feel terrible at how heartbroken Sophia looks. “Sophia?”

“Yeah, yeah. Um, that’s okay. As long as you're not breaking up with me,” she mumbles, wiping at the tears running down her cheeks.

“No, God no. It’s just a break,” you say quickly, wanting to make sure she understood. She smiles slightly at how panicked you looked. With that, she moves to walk away, but not before giving you a hug and a kiss on your cheek. You blush slightly, watching sadly as she walks away.

For the next few weeks, you and Sophia did not talk. You went back to your apartment in Monaco and continued to train and prepare for the Dutch Grand Prix. Sophia went back to Portland and after taking a week off recovering from the World Cup, rejoined training with the Thorns. Everyone could see how distracted Sophia looked at training and outside of it. They knew that you guys were on a break and that you were not talking to each other. While she was still playing well, her friends noticed that she was a lot quieter and that she didn’t seem to want to spend too much time with other people more than she had to. Your own team could also see how sad and distant you looked. So, a few days before you were due to fly to the Netherlands, your teammate and friend, Lando Norris, suggested you ask her if she wanted to come to the race.

A/N: I know that the race weekend is scheduled from the 25-27th and that Portland has a game on the 27th, but let’s just pretend that there is no game lol.

Agreeing with the idea, you send Sophia a text asking if she wanted to fly out to the Netherlands and watch the race. Sophia, of course, says yes and immediately starts to pack her bags. You send her the tickets for the weekend and the plane.

As Sophia walks into the paddock, she’s nervous but excited. There was someone from the McLaren team showing her to the garage, and while she had come to a few Grand Prix’s before the car had been terrible then. Since the last time she came, the team had seen a ginormous amount of improvement. Now, you were competing for podiums and top 5 finishes instead of trying to not finish in the bottom 5. She was shown to your driver room and told that you were in a meeting, but you’d be done soon. After waiting for about ten minutes the door opens and you walk in, with your race suit hanging around your waist and the black fireproofs leaving little to the imagination. You stop your movements when you see Sophia sitting there.

“Hey, thanks for coming I know it was pretty last second,” you say sincerely.

“Yeah, it’s no problem. Thanks for inviting me,” she responds. She notices you playing with your hands nervously. Deciding that you need to stop, she stands up and reaches out, grabbing your hands and encouraging you to play with the rings on her hands instead. You smile softly, finding it sweet that she always remembers you like to play with her rings. For a few moments, there was silence. Then you break it with your words,

“How have you been?” Sophia sighs, thinking back to the last couple of weeks.

“I’ve been…okay,” you give her a look, “What?”

“The bags under your eyes say differently.” The US player looks down, embarrassed.

“Okay, so maybe I haven’t been that great.”

“Mhm, well I guarantee you’ve been better than I have,” you murmur. Sophia gives you a questioning look. “I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t focus, I did terrible in the simulator training. I think some space was good for us, but now I think I’m feeling better.” She smiles at you, raising her eyebrows, encouraging you to continue “Do you wanna get back together?” Sophia smirks,

“I thought we didn’t break up? We were just on a break,” she challenges. Your eyes widen at your mistake,

“Err, well, shit.” She laughs at the expression on your face. “Well, whatever we were on, do you want to stop it now?”

“Yes please,” she requests. You chuckle lightly, before wrapping your arms around her neck. She smirks and rests her hands on your hips then leans in slowly. Your lips meet and start to move against each other. One of her hands moves across your abdomen, your abs tensing slightly under your fireproofs. She runs her tongue across your lips asking for access which you grant. Your tongues fight for dominance as she pushes you against the wall, deepening the kiss. After a couple more seconds, you pull away from each other.

“So, no more break right?” You ask teasingly. She fake ponders the question until you hit her shoulder lightly. She laughs,

“Yeah, yeah. No more break, babe” You grin and connect your lips once again.

For the rest of the weekend, Sophia is by your side. She loves hanging out with the mechanics and engineers. She also really likes Lando, who’s in a good mood for most of the weekend because the car is performing really well. Your girlfriend watches from the garage in excitement as you get your first-ever podium in F1 at Zandvoort. The Internet goes mad when you point and blow her a kiss from the podium, something which she returns. The team starts the post-race celebrations inside the garage while you are finishing up some media and debriefs. When you come running in everybody cheers and there are a lot of hugs and high-fives given out. You go straight to Sophia, holding your 2nd place trophy proudly.

“Babe! Babe! Look what I’ve got! It’s so shiny!” You shout happily. She laughs at the giddy expression on your face.

“Yeah I see it, love. It’s pretty cool,” she says while pulling you into a tight hug, “I’m so proud of you.” The smile that you give her melts her heart. For the rest of the night, you two stay tight together and drink the rest of the champagne in the bottle given to the podium finishers. A couple of weeks ago you thought your relationship was over, but now here you are with your girlfriend proudly beside you for one of your lifelong dreams. It doesn’t get much better than that.

#sophia smith x reader #sophia smith #woso imagine #woso x reader #woso fanfics #uswnt x reader #f1 reader x woso

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morning-star-joy · 1 year ago

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baby, it's Halloween, and we can be anything

a stranger's heart without a home chapter 17

Pairing: friends with benefits Joel x F!Reader, Post-Outbreak

Chapter Summary: Dina drags you out to Jackson's first Halloween dance. Joel begins to realize some things after a conversation with an unlikely person. Your night with Joel ends up going in a new direction.

Chapter Warnings/Tags: Explicit Smut (18+ Only MDNI) oral m receiving, unprotected p in v sex, lowkey hints of soft!dom Reader, yes ma'am kink, praise kink, edging/orgasm denial if you squint. Jealousy from both sides (nothing too intense), Angst, Mutual Pining (holy shit they got it so bad), Language (as always)

A/N: Finally!! Time for chapter 17!!! I've been so excited for this one since I wrote it. Can't wait to hear what you guys think. Sending y'all love!

Wordcount: 12.7k

chapter 1 || chapter 16 || chapter 17 || masterlist

ao3 link

Even though October was long, the days were short, and the nights relaxing now that you had started to trace the constellations for your Little Star again.

Instead of shutting down immediately whenever you thought of her, you started to make an effort to let the memories of her be there. And although there was still a strong, more than fair amount of pain that surrounded the images of her face in your mind’s eye, there was also a strange feeling of relief in letting yourself feel it, without wallowing in your guilt or shoving it all away.

It was the first fall in years that you got out of your house almost every day. You spent a lot of time at Tommy and Maria’s, though you went over to seek out the presence of your goddaughter more than the company of either of your friends.

Tommy began to huff in annoyance whenever you entered the house and made a beeline towards the stairs, throwing a quick greeting towards wherever the couple was before finding yourself in the nursery, lifting your goddaughter into your arms with a bright smile only the baby could draw from you.

“I used to be her favorite,” Tommy would mutter in frustration, to which Maria would roll her eyes.

“Don’t kid yourself, love,” she would respond, giving her husband a kiss on the cheek while you lifted Hope in the air, laughing along with the baby. “Dina has always been her favorite.”

But you hadn’t truly realized how much time was passing until your unopposed, well-known favorite person in Jackson showed up on your doorstep one afternoon late in October. Dina waved a piece of paper in your face, even as she moved it so quickly that you couldn’t even begin to look at it, let alone read it.

“Look! Look!” she said excitedly, and you tried to move your face to actually look at it as she continued to wave it around.

“I’m trying,” you huffed before trying to catch her wrist to stop her so you could actually read it. “Would you stop waving it?”

Dina laughed at your irritation, and you sent her a half-hearted glare before she finally stopped, holding out the paper so you could take it.

You glanced over it, eyebrows raising as you took in the information before handing it back to her.

“Cool.”

Dina scoffed at your noncommittal response, glaring at you as she repeated incredulously, “Cool? Really? This is the best thing Jackson has done in years, and all you have to say is cool?”

“Those things aren’t my scene, Dina,” you said, placing your hands on your hips and turning to watch her shimmy past you into your home before closing your door behind her. "They’re yours, and I’m happy for you. But it’s not for me.”

“Bullshit,” Dina brushed off your words with a wave of her hand, and you rolled your eyes, already knowing that she had a plan forming in that quick-thinking mind of hers. “C’mon, you’re the one who wanted me to get you all done up for your date.”

You scoffed, eyes wide with the accusation before you snapped back, “Excuse me, you’re the one who wanted to do that! Don’t push it on me!”

Dina rolled her eyes, dramatically collapsing onto your couch while she lifted the paper back up to wave in your direction again.

“We both know why you wanted to look super extra pretty that night,” she teased with a grin and a wiggle of her eyebrows, and you snatched the paper from her hand with a glare as the sound of it moving through the air began to get on your nerves.

“You know nothing, you little shit,” you muttered as you shoved her legs off the end of the couch so you could sit, but you didn’t protest or try to shove her off again when she set her feet on your lap, even as her boots got a few flecks of dirt on your jeans.

“Come on,” Dina drew out the words, flashing her best puppy-dog eyes at you, a look that she had mastered by now because, well, it was Dina. She never half-assed anything, and her natural charm was off the charts.

Still, you ignored her, staring down at the paper in your hands before asking casually, “Did Ellie draw this?”

Dina perked up instantly at the mention of the girl’s name, and you had to hold back your own knowing smile when she sat up straight.

“Yeah!” she grinned, leaning forward to point at the drawing of the dancing skeletons in the middle of the paper. “She drew a bunch of different ones to put around town. This one’s my favorite, though.”

“Oh, you got a super special edition from the artist herself?” you teased, unable to help a bit of a mischievous glint in your eye with the words, and Dina actually blushed a little before she collapsed back onto the couch.

“Yes, I am that important,” she replied with a confident grin, and you laughed quietly before looking back at the information below the illustration that described the event Dina was trying to strong-arm you into attending.

“Come on,” Dina whined again, nudging your stomach with her boot, and you protested loudly as the dirt began to rub off onto your shirt. You shoved her feet off, but she stuck them right back, laughing at your disgusted exasperation before she began to draw out the word, “Please?”

You tried to resist, but when she held out that same goddamn “e” sound that she knew grated on your nerves so much, you gave up.

“Fine!” you shouted, throwing the hand not holding the paper up into the air. “Fine, you win. We’ll go.”

Dina instantly began to wiggle in a happy dance, and you couldn’t help but grin at the endearing innocence of her excitement at the event.

“Okay, so,” she started, finally pulling her feet off of your lap so she could shift and sit next to you. “I have some ideas for costumes.”

So that was how you found yourself standing at the edge of the room, nervous gaze flickering over the gathered residents of Jackson for the first ever Halloween dance.

“I look stupid,” you murmured, subconsciously tugging at your clothes again, only for Dina to slap your hand away.

“Would you stop it?” she snapped, rolling her eyes as you shifted awkwardly for what felt like the hundredth time that night. “You look great.”

You shook your head, looking down at what you were wearing again with a wince.

“This dress is too tight,” you muttered, rubbing your hand across the fabric on your stomach before reaching down to tug the hemline down from where it kept riding up your thighs. “And too short.”

“Stop it!” Dina chastised, smacking your hand again, which you held to your chest with an agitated frown. “I searched high and low across Jackson for a dress like that. You will wear it, and you will know you look pretty!”

You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest, but you couldn’t help a small, thankful smile directed towards your young prodigy.

“Thanks, kid,” you muttered, reaching out to fix the crooked fabric halo on her head, the finishing touch to her costume that you had both spent the last week creating, along with yours.

“Not as pretty as me, of course,” she joked, and you laughed as she did a little twirl, the white fabric of her dress spinning out around her with the motion before she grinned back up at you. “But you may be seen in my presence.”

“Oh, how fortunate I am,” you drawled, rolling your eyes with a smile to match her own as she giggled at her own joke.

You shifted to look back out at the room, resisting the urge to adjust your costume again as you scanned the group of people dancing, laughing and having fun. The cheer of the atmosphere was nearly infectious, but it hadn’t reached you yet, your nerves still bubbling in your chest while you glanced around.

“If you really wanna be secretive, you’re not doing a very good job,” Dina teased quietly at your side, and you looked back at her with a frown.

“What?” you asked, brows furrowed. You had an inkling to what she was getting at, even though you had been trying to ignore it so far that night.

Dina just shook her head, sighing quietly while she met your gaze with one that almost looked sympathetic. Your jaw ticked, quickly evading her eyes as they searched yours.

When you glanced across the room again, you relaxed when you saw a familiar face—not the one you were looking for, but it would do well to distract you from your young friend’s imminent questioning.

“Hey, I think your boyfriend wants a dance,” you teased, nudging her arm, and you looked back to see her rolling her eyes at your change of topic.

“Yeah, fine,” Dina sighed, sending her boyfriend a quick smile before turning back to you. “Just try and have a little bit of fun, okay?”

You didn’t budge until she pressed her hands together in a pleading gesture and added, “For me?”

Sighing, you gave a shrug of your shoulders along with a short nod. “Yeah, okay. My mission tonight is fun. Got it.”

Dina scoffed at your word choice, and you laughed as she flipped you off before moving towards her boyfriend for a dance or two.

After a moment of watching them with a fond smile, you glanced away, searching the crowds for the familiar face you had been looking for originally.

The one you had been searching for all night.

So when you caught a glimpse of those dark, graying curls, your heart skipped a beat in the same moment that your foot stepped forward.

You only managed a few steps towards him, though, before you stopped short.

Because Joel wasn’t alone.

He was talking to somebody.

Joel didn’t talk to people. Ever.

Your brow furrowed, glancing over him as he leaned against the wall on the opposite side of the room, near the door. Had he just walked in? Maybe that was why you hadn’t seen him yet, if he had just arrived.

He was holding a hat against his chest—a cowboy hat? Had Ellie or Tommy managed to convince him to dress up? One of his feet was crossed and rested against his other ankle—motherfucking cowboy boots, you realized—with what could best be described as a polite smile on his face.

Which made this bizarre situation even fucking weirder.

Finally managing to tear your gaze away from that odd sight, you observed the person he was talking to. Long light brown hair that fell in waves and brown eyes the color of honey, she was beautiful, with a sweet, charming smile as she said something to Joel that made him—

You froze, watching as the familiar brown eyes crinkled at the corners, his chest moving with the laughter you could hear clearly in your mind, even as you stood from across the room.

Yeah, she’s nice. She has a great sense of humor.

Contempt would be a good way to describe how you felt in that moment.

Not towards Joel, though. Not even towards the innocent woman—because you knew she was innocent, knew that you couldn’t even blame her for what she wanted—who smiled back up at him.

No, towards yourself. Towards every feeling that stirred in your chest as it tightened. Towards your stomach as the butterflies turned to lead and it dropped to your feet.

Stupid, you thought bitterly, hating how much of a reaction it had gotten out of you.

Purely idiotic, the way you despised how they looked like such a good fit. Tommy’s words from months ago moved through your head so quickly that it began to spin with the doubts, the old fears, and you had to remind yourself that Joel hadn’t taken that out when you had offered it.

Absolutely foolish, how you wanted him to look at you instead, to somehow catch your eye across a crowded room. To see that knowing look in his eyes when you saw each other, the slight tilt of his lips into a secret smile, one that spoke to your arrangement and everything that had grown from it.

But he was looking at her, smiling at her, and you felt as ridiculous as a child, dressed in clothes far too large for her.

Or perhaps just somebody hopeless, wearing a skin that didn’t quite fit right just to catch his eye.

Spinning on your feet, you quickly walked in the opposite direction, making a beeline for the refreshment table as you tried to ignore what you had just seen, and how unreasonably it had hurt.

Joel held back a sigh, fingers tapping idly against the hat in his hand as he searched the crowd for just a glimpse of why he had let Ellie drag him along to this dance tonight.

He couldn’t help but feel similarly to when he had stood outside the Tipsy Bison that cold winter night almost a year ago, with the woman he hardly knew at that point standing by his side. Back then, it had been a tension, an uneasy feeling.

This time, it was most certainly self-consciousness.

He set the hat back onto his head, crossing his arms while he leaned back against the wall again. Esther approaching him was not something he had counted on tonight, but it had not been as unpleasantly awkward of an interaction as he had feared when he saw her walking up to him.

After a few kind words from her and an awkward attempt at an apology for not having the decency to contact her after one date, she brushed off his worries with a wave of her hand.

She told him that she had been seeing someone the past few months, and that Joel didn’t have to worry about running away with his tail tucked between his legs whenever he saw her. He couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at that, embarrassed as to how she could tell he had been avoiding her. But what really surprised him is when she thanked him for his consideration and for trying to apologize, calling him a kind man.

Joel didn’t think he fell anywhere close into the category of being a “kind man,” but he appreciated the sentiment nonetheless.

Now he stood at the edge of the room, feeling like he was fifteen fucking years old again at a stupid, godforsaken high school dance. He groaned quietly at the thought, his arms tightening across his chest as he scanned the room from underneath the brim of the cowboy hat again.

Tommy was here somewhere, wearing a similar hat, but he was feeling less and less in the mood for these festivities the longer he stood there, foot tapping as he waited to see what he came here for.

When he finally caught that glimpse, he nearly let out a sigh of relief, pushing himself off the wall and moving around the outskirts of the room towards the refreshment table on the other side, where she had been hidden behind the crowd of dancers in the middle of the floor.

However, when he finally got a full view of what she was wearing, he stopped in his tracks, frozen at the sight of her for a moment.

Or maybe more than just a moment.

Joel’s gaze was drawn first to her feet, the sight of those same damn heels she had been wearing on her date immediately sending heat across his skin. As his gaze dragged up her bare legs to that tight red dress, his breath hitched in his throat. That heat only increased when he scanned over her face and up to the little fabric devil horns she wore on her head.

At the sight of those, Joel couldn’t help but let a small, almost goofy grin cross his face.

Well, I am the devil herself. Am I not?

Her words, her teasing answer to the remark he had accidentally let slip once, echoed in his mind.

Once again, Joel found himself musing over how her very existence tempted him with everything he desired.

And yes, that included lust, but he was finally starting to realize, finally starting to accept that it included more.

So much more.

He cleared his throat, wiping the smile off his face quickly before heading towards where she stood next to the table at a faster pace, watching as she nibbled at a cookie in her hand. When he got close enough, and she began to turn towards him, Joel opened his mouth to speak before somebody stepped in front of him.

Stopping short, Joel stared at the back of somebody he didn’t recognize, brows furrowing as the man approached her with an air of casual confidence.

Joel shifted back on his feet, frowning as he glanced over the man’s shoulder to her face, seeing she was focused on this newcomer before Joel quickly turned to glance over the refreshments to distract himself from whatever was happening.

The unknown man greeted her by name, sounding far too casual for Joel’s liking, and he stiffened as she returned the greeting by speaking their own name smoothly.

“Been a while,” the man said, reaching across the table to pick up a cookie from the plate next to her, and Joel’s jaw ticked.

“Yup,” she replied simply, and Joel’s frown suddenly threatened to turn into a small, smug smile as he heard how disinterested her voice sounded. “It certainly has been.”

“I’ve missed seeing you around,” the man added, and Joel stiffened, his gaze still flickering over the same few plates of refreshments as if he was considering which one to take a treat from, even as his eyes weren’t seeing what was in front of him now.

Joel waited for her to say something, to brush the man off and send him home packing.

But she said nothing.

When he dared to look back over, Joel saw the man had moved slightly closer, standing in a way where Joel could see both their faces, and he stiffened as he saw the look in that guy’s eyes.

That look was one of desire, yes, but it was more than that. The way he looked at her body wasn’t from a lust for the unknown.

No, the way that man looked at her; the indifferent, fucking irritating, smug confidence he held himself with; the knowing smirk that she leveled her own equally knowing look at in response…

Her flings. I know she’s had a few here and there.

Joel stiffened, his blood running cold as he realized that this man who had approached her was one of those flings. More than that, the way he looked at her body in such a familiar way told Joel that he had most likely seen her entire body in the throes of passion.

Something even he had not seen.

Hand tightening into a fist, Joel hadn’t even realized he had begun to step forward until a force of nature in the form of a teenage girl burst from the crowd of dancers and bounded over to the woman who was still staring back at this man in front of her.

“Hey, come on!” Dina said brightly, grabbing the hand of her role model and tugging her out onto the floor. “You promised me a dance!”

Joel watched them go until they disappeared behind the other dancers, the man a few feet away from him doing the same until shifting away with a sigh of defeat.

It was almost tempting to smirk at the sound of that, but the uncomfortable, now familiar feeling of jealousy twisted in his gut again. Joel turned back to the refreshments, searching for a drink of some kind to distract himself from the complicated emotions he now felt.

As distracted as he was, he almost didn’t recognize the presence that had settled by his side until they spoke.

“There’s no drinks here,” the smooth voice said, and Joel swore under his breath, spinning around as they added, “Family friendly event.”

Staring up at him, a brow arched in bemusement, was none other than his sister-in-law.

Joel relaxed just a fraction at the familiar face before stiffening, remembering that this was the woman who he honestly feared just a tad bit, at least more than anybody else in Jackson—other than the woman who he shared pleasure with night after night.

“Maria,” he greeted, tipping his hat towards her in greeting, which she returned with a nod.

“Joel.”

The crease between his brow did not unfurrow as Maria turned to watch the dance floor, staying by Joel’s side with her arms crossed.

It was strange, and more than a little uneasy. Maria’s opinion about him was not a secret, even as their relationship seemed to have smoothed out somewhat with their monthly family dinners. Neither of them made much effort to overcome their differences, but they did at least tolerate each other’s presence.

And despite his personal grudges that went back to his weekly radio calls with Tommy that she had stopped, Joel respected Maria. He had no doubt that she was the reason why this settlement thrived as much as it did.

So it confused him why she seemed to have sought him out now, though Joel tried to ignore his trepidation as he reached out to grab a cookie before turning out to face the dance floor as well.

Despite his best intentions, his eyes began to roam across the dancers until he saw her, spinning Dina around a distance away, the two of them grinning widely.

Joel hadn’t even realized how much he had softened at the sight until Maria spoke up again.

“She’s the most vulnerable of all of us, you know,” she said quietly, and Joel’s heart stopped as he looked down at her. “She feels so deeply, whether it’s pain or love.”

Sparing a glance back up at Joel, she added, “Or both.”

Even though Maria didn’t say a name as she looked back at the dance floor, he was afraid he knew exactly who she meant, and who she was looking at. His heart began to beat fast in his chest, eyes wider than he would have liked when Maria sent him a sidelong glance full of disapproval.

“If you don’t want anybody to know, you shouldn’t look at her like that.” The words were blunt, as well as more than a little jarring, and Joel stiffened before quickly whipping his head back around.

Fuck, he curses internally, trying to build his guards back up in that moment, even as he began to realize that it was much too late for that now.

“Does Tommy—”

“He has no idea,” Maria interrupted before Joel could even find a way to phrase the question, and when Joel’s shoulders relaxed slightly in a quiet exhale of relief, her eyes snapped to the side of his face with a glare. “He’s catching on, though. Now that he knows for certain you don’t actually hate each other, he’ll start to put it together.”

Joel turned his head to look at her straight-on, his voice as hard as his gaze as he asked, “How much do you—”

“Nothing,” she answered his question again before he could ask it, and Joel’s jaw ticked in annoyance at how much his brother’s wife could read exactly what he was thinking. Had he gotten that soft recently, or was she just that good at analyzing people?

Maybe both.

“And I don’t want to know,” Maria added, lifting a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose, as if the whole situation she had figured out made her head hurt. “Listen, Joel, I don’t need the details. All I need to know is that you’ve both spent the entire night looking for each other like a couple of lovesick teenagers, and it’s starting to get on my nerves.”

Joel stiffened, the choice of words sending a jolt to his system, and he opened his mouth to argue, “It’s not—”

“Shut up,” she snapped, and Joel instantly closed his mouth, back straightening as he knew Jackson’s de facto leader was not in the mood to take any bullshit right now—or ever. “Just listen to what I have to say closely, because I’m trying to protect you both here.”

Maria paused, searching Joel’s eyes for any hint of resistance. When she seemed to find none, her shoulders set back, gaze deadly serious.

“That woman has gone through hell,” she said quietly, voice hard with conviction and no small amount of care for who they spoke of. “You didn’t see her when she got to Jackson. She was a shell of who Tommy had told me she used to be. He struggled to get her out of bed for weeks. He fought to keep her alive and well enough to keep going for months. Years.”

Her voice was rising slightly before she took a deep breath, eyes closing as she composed herself, though Joel’s heart continued to ache, his stomach sinking with each word.

When Maria’s eyes opened again, they were softer before she continued, “I’ve finally seen her becoming the best, the healthiest and happiest that she’s been in years. So if you do anything, anything, to fuck that up, know that there is no corner of this town where I won’t find you.”

As Joel watched the blaze in his sister-in-law’s eyes, he began to realize who they really should have been hiding this relationship from all along.

Relationship.

That was the first time he had thought of it in that sense, and he stiffened as the realization hit him.

“You know she’s just as likely to pull away from me, right?” Joel finally found himself saying, though his voice wasn’t argumentative. Simply stating a fact.

Because as emotionally closed off as he knew he was, he had seen first-hand how badly she self-sabotaged. She had done it on the couch when he had tried to figure out how badly she was injured after patrol, lashing out at him with bitterness even as he saw how she recoiled from her own cruelty afterwards.

Even though she had joked that Joel may outdo her when it came to savior complexes, he was sure they both knew that wasn’t true.

“That’s why I’m coming to you,” Maria said in a low, serious tone, and Joel blinked in surprise, brow furrowing in confusion again until she explained, “She is going to push you away much harder than you do her. If you really care about this—if you really care about her—you’ll help her hold on to you instead of letting her turn away.”

Joel fell quiet, his gaze darting away from Maria and down to his boots.

His stupid fucking cowboy boots that he had also put on at Tommy’s request.

God dammit, he was really regretting coming out tonight, even as a part of him started to realize that he needed to be here. He needed to hear that, even if he couldn’t let himself process it fully in the moment.

Maria sighed, and he finally looked back up, glancing over her face as she calmed back down completely.

“Just…” she shook her head, letting out another quiet sigh, glancing back at him before finishing, “Just treat her like she deserves. Please.”

With that, she turned, leaving Joel standing there stunned, probably looking like the world’s most stupid cowboy with a cookie dangling from his hand that he had completely forgotten about.

He remained dumbfounded for a few moments longer until he eventually recomposed himself, even as his thoughts continued to run wild with new revelations and emotions.

So when he saw Ellie standing a short distance away, her arms crossed as she shifted awkwardly on the edge of the dance floor, Joel relaxed considerably. He grabbed another cookie from the refreshment table before moving over to her.

“Hey, kiddo,” he greeted warmly when he settled into the space at her side, watching as she jumped before looking up at him, relaxing when she saw it was only him.

“Hey,” she responded in kind, giving him a nod that he returned before they both looked back out at the dance floor.

Joel offered one of the cookies to her wordlessly, and she took it with hardly a glance at it, the two of them simultaneously taking bites out of their cookies while they gazed out at the floor of dancers.

After a peaceful moment of quiet munching, Ellie mumbled almost too quietly for Joel to hear over the loud music coming from the band gathered in the corner, “They look happy.”

Joel knew exactly who he had been looking at, unable to tear his eyes away even after that emotionally jarring conversation with Maria. So when he looked back to Ellie to follow her gaze to whoever she was talking about, he was taken aback to realize she had her eye on them too.

The pair were still dancing happily, spinning each other across the floor with laughter so loud and cheerful that Joel could nearly hear it from where he stood on the sidelines. It made a smile threaten to twitch onto his lips, seeing a brighter smile on her face than maybe he had ever seen as she lifted a hand to twirl around Dina, the white, tulle fabric of the teenager’s matching angel costume swirling around her while they grinned and giggled.

Then Maria’s words echoed in his head, the comment of her being at her happiest in Jackson and telling him not to fuck it up, and his heart thumped with a sudden pang of fear and guilt.

“Yeah,” Joel muttered, giving a short nod before quickly looking away when he saw her gaze suddenly flicker over Dina’s head to him.

He didn’t know how she had known he was staring—had she recognized the feeling of his eyes on her? That thought made his heart thud against his chest, and he shook his head sharply, trying—and utterly failing—to shove anything sentimental out of his head while he stared down at his boots.

Only when he felt her gaze move off of him did he look back up, unable to keep his eyes off of her for more than a few seconds as she grinned and danced, despite all the newfound trepidation in his heart as he was realizing more and more tonight than he ever could have expected to.

Eventually, he managed to pull his gaze away when he heard a quiet, almost inaudible sigh at his side. Joel looked down at Ellie, a frown tugging at his lips as he watched her arms crossed tightly over her chest, staring down at her feet much in the same way he just was doing.

It tugged at something in Joel’s heart, so he brushed the remaining crumbs from the cookie off on his jeans before holding his hand out to Ellie. When she looked up at him in confusion, he only offered the fond smile that was reserved for her alone, holding his hand out further for her to take.

“Well, no reason why we can’t have some fun, too,” he said softly, and Ellie scoffed with disbelief.

“No way,” she shook her head wildly, her ponytail swinging across her back as her arms that were crossed over her chest bunched up even tighter. “I don’t dance.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Joel chided gently, his smile growing, nudging her shoulder with his own. “I see your foot tapping when you listen to your music.”

Ellie hesitated, feet shifting as she tried to avoid his gaze, but after a moment her crossed arms fell to her sides, a heavy sigh leaving her.

“You suck,” she murmured, her hand begrudgingly landing in his with a heavy smack.

Joel chuckled, grip tightening around her hand as they walked to an empty spot on the dance floor.

“I’m aware,” he drawled jokingly, moving his hands to hold Ellie gently but securely before he began to lead her across the floor in the steps of an easy dance.

She was stiff as a board at first, but from a few teasing words and gentle smiles from Joel, she finally began to loosen up a bit. When she did, he began to take wider steps in the dance, moving their joined hands in more exaggerated ways, earning laughter from the girl that brightened his world in a way nothing else could.

Ellie continued to laugh as he spun them both around, holding her close so they were almost hugging as he swung their arms up and down in a goofy dance that brought laughter rumbling from his own chest.

In that moment, it was all worth it; the pain, the suffering, all of it was worth it for this. Keeping Ellie safe, making her happy. This was his purpose.

He spun her around with one hand, his smile growing into a full-fledged grin as her laughter grew, and his with it. When he pulled her back to him, there was no way for him to see the scheming look she shot around his back, leaving Joel with mild confusion as Ellie leaned back, gripping both of his hands and spinning them around a few times.

So when Ellie suddenly let go, he stumbled a bit, his missteps only growing larger when another body collided right into his chest.

By instinct, Joel reached his hands out to steady them, planting his own feet firmly against the ground so they wouldn’t both topple over. Some deep part of his subconscious mind knew who it was from the instant he felt them pressed against him; the way the body molded to fit his was achingly familiar, along with the almost sweet scent that filled his senses before they pulled back to look up at him, and he saw she was the one who had ended up in his arms.

Her surprise matched his own, and they merely blinked at each other for a moment before loud cackling and giggling nearby caught the attention of both of them.

Joel only caught a glimpse of Dina and Ellie as they spun around together before they danced away, the matching shit-eating grins from both of the teenage girls eliciting a deep sigh from him.

The shifting in his arms brought his attention back, and he lifted one of his hands from where he had steadied her, placing it on the small of her back to pull her back to him when she began to pull away.

She looked up at him in surprise, hesitation flickering across her face as her lips parted to speak, “Joel—”

“One dance won’t kill you,” he murmured, avoiding her gaze even as his hand slid back to her waist, his other hand moving to grip her palm in a proper form for a perfectly respectful, casual dance between friends.

Who knew how much longer he could keep lying to himself about that.

Lord knows he hardly even believed it himself anymore.

He could feel her hesitate, even as he wasn’t watching her, just by the way her hand hovered in the air inches above his shoulder before finally laying on it. Joel inhaled softly through his nose as her fingers pressed against the flannel, feeling the familiar indentations of her touch even through the fabric.

Under his hand, the fabric of her dress was soft, and he couldn’t resist running his thumb up the curve of her hip just slightly. A familiar spark of desire traveled down his spine as he heard her own quiet intake of breath, a small smile threatening to flicker onto his lips as he marveled at how he could feel her body heat through the tight, red dress.

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a dress before,” he murmured, taking steady steps through the dance as the music from the band in the corner began to slow down from the fast-paced tunes earlier.

Joel was surprised when she followed his steps without protest, realizing with something almost akin to pride that she was letting him lead her through the dance. It somehow spoke volumes as to how their relationship dynamic had changed in just under a year, and it was suddenly becoming harder and harder to keep that smile off of his face.

“Probably because I’ve never worn one,” she replied quietly, her face turned to the side when he finally looked back at her. “I hardly ever wear anything like this.”

“Skirts included?”

A soft laugh escaped her lips, her gaze moving to meet his, and there was a familiar glimmer of mirth in them that made Joel’s throat suddenly feel dry.

“Skirts included,” she affirmed, her lips tilting up into a half-smirk, half-smile, and Joel finally allowed himself to smile back at her at the sight. “Like I said, it’s a luxury.”

He chuckled under his breath, shaking his head while his thumb subconsciously stroked along the curve of her hip again. When she shivered, his smile grew, satisfied from the reaction her body gave to his simple touch. And by the way she rolled her eyes at him, he knew that she had noticed his satisfaction.

Despite what Maria had said to him, it was impossible not to fall helplessly into the familiar pull of her gravity. And maybe there was something about that conversation that made him just a bit more bold than he would have usually been.

“Well, then,” Joel drawled quietly, removing his hand from her hip for a moment to guide her into a slow, simple spin with his other hand. When he pulled her back, they were closer than before, his head moving next to hers so his mouth was conveniently near her ear so he could murmur, “Mike sure is a lucky man.”

He could almost feel her breath catch from how close their chests were to each other, her body tensing at the teasing words before she slowly relaxed when his hand in hers squeezed gently.

It was a simple gesture to reassure her, to let her know he was only joking, even as there was an undertone to the words that made Joel almost nervous to think about too deeply. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if she had truly heard that underlying meaning, or even felt it in the familiar, gentle pressure of their interlocked hands.

Shit, when had that started to feel so familiar?

“It wasn’t for Mike.”

Now it was Joel’s turn to lose his breath.

His heart thumped against his chest again, thankful for the way his head was next to hers so she couldn’t see the way his eyes widened at the four simple words that somehow managed to shake him completely.

He wanted to ask.

God, he wanted to ask.

But was that even his place?

Did he truly have any right to—

“Dina wanted to dress up,” she continued quietly, and Joel finally released the breath he had been holding, his body relaxing from how much he had tensed up without even realizing it. “She’s been so excited for this stupid dance for the past week. We’ve spent the past, like, five afternoons making these costumes.”

Joel laughed softly, turning his head just slightly so he could glance towards her from the corner of her eye, unable to help a small smile as he saw the fondness of her face as she talked about the girl.

“And the concept?” he found the words slipping from his mouth, his brow arching in a confident question even as his pulse raced nervously when her eyes finally met his again. “Was that Dina’s idea too?”

Her lower lip was pulled into her mouth for a second, teeth biting gently down on it, and Joel felt a rush of an emotion that felt dangerously close to longing as he was helpless to do anything but watch her react to his words, the temptation of his simple question.

“She had a few ideas,” she replied slowly in a hushed tone, her teeth letting go of her lip with the words, and he was mesmerized by the color that rushed to it before he looked back up, and his gaze became trapped in her own. “She wanted to match. An angel and a…devil, was one of her ideas, yeah.”

The way she hesitated before saying devil made Joel feel a bit bolder than before, his hand on her hip sliding slowly to the small of her back, his fingers spreading out across the fabric as he tugged her a bit closer.

“And you…?”

He trailed off, hoping she would understand what he wanted to ask, what he couldn’t say, and he was relieved when she did.

“I was pretty particular to that one,” she whispered, her eyes flickering between his, and Joel was lost in the way they glowed in the strands of lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling, drunk in the hazy look of something that wasn’t lust in that familiar, sharp gaze.

Joel’s lips parted, but to say what, or do what, he didn’t know. Any sound he may have started to get out quickly turned into a low growl when a voice tried to interject in their intimate conversation.

“May I—”

Joel hardly spared more than a glance towards the side to see the same man from earlier, the one who had approached his—her next to the refreshment table, and he quickly snapped, “No, you may not.”

He didn’t care to look at the man’s face any longer as he took large, determined steps in the dance until they were far away, only looking back down at her face when she let out a laugh of surprise.

“Joel,” was all she said, her eyes wide with shock that had a hint of mischievous amusement to it, and he held back a groan as his grip around her hand tightened.

“I don’t like that guy,” he muttered, brows furrowing when she laughed again. “What? I don’t.”

“Do you even know him?” she asked, her eyebrow arching when he suddenly found himself avoiding her questioning gaze.

“I—” he paused, suddenly feeling a surge of guilt at his knee-jerk reaction to keep her in his arms for just a little while longer. “I’m sorry. That was your choice to make, not mine.”

Her eyes lit up in surprise again when he looked back at her, but it quickly melted into a look akin to that warmth he caught glimpses of burning deep within her and, Lord above, he was nothing but a moth drawn to it as it was directed towards him alone in that moment.

“It was,” she responded slowly, and Joel began to shift awkwardly until her hand squeezed his shoulder gently, before sliding closer to his neck, her fingers grazing against the skin on the back of his neck that peeked above his collar, the sensation making him shiver. “But I would have said the same thing.”

Joel blinked a few times, surprised at the softness to the words before he relaxed considerably, a small smile dancing on his lips as she had one of her own hesitant, genuine smiles on her face. He felt like he could count on one hand the times he had seen that smile, but he also knew he could remember each of those moments as clear as day.

“And what about your costume?” she murmured, and Joel felt the immediate loss of her hand on the back of his neck as she moved it to tug gently at the brim of his hat. “Cowboy?”

He chuckled, the sound rumbling deeply from his chest as her voice wrapped smoothly around the familiar nickname that she had called him for months now.

“Tommy’s idea,” he admitted with a shrug of his shoulder when her hand rested on it again. “Ellie wanted to come out tonight, and when Tommy caught wind that I agreed, he strong-armed me into wearing these stupid fucking hats and boots with him.”

She laughed again, louder this time, and Joel’s smile widened at the sound of it as they slowly spun around again.

“What, you didn’t wear these all the time twenty years ago?” she teased, laughing again as Joel snorted at the insinuation.

“Not at all,” he muttered with a shake of his head. “Being from Texas doesn’t mean I was that predictable, sweetheart.”

When his own nickname for her left his lips, she glanced away, and Joel almost felt nervous at using it outside of sex until he saw the flush on her cheeks.

Suddenly, he couldn’t stop smiling, even if he had wanted to.

“So, no line-dancing for me tonight, then?” she finally asked, turning back to look at him with another smirk that was becoming so familiar, he almost recognized it as much as his own.

Joel just shook his head, though he couldn’t help but be amused at her continued teasing about that mundane, embarrassing fact about his life from before the Outbreak. “You’re never gonna let that go, are you?”

“Not a chance in hell,” she said lightly, reaching a hand up to tap the devil horns on her head, and he laughed quietly, both of them smiling slightly before they looked away from each other.

They fell quiet then, the silence considerably more relaxed than it was before, neither of them bothering to fill that silence with anything as they swayed in place. His fingers stroked small circles against her lower back as hers moved from his shoulder to play gently with the ends of his curls at the back of his neck, her gaze lifting back to his face before she frowned.

“You shaved,” she muttered, and Joel’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at the observation.

Because she was right, he had trimmed back his beard a bit before the dance tonight, as it had been growing longer in recent months, but he hadn’t been expecting her to notice.

“Uh, yeah,” he mumbled, brows furrowing as her eyes continued to move over his facial hair. “I did.”

She nodded slowly, her frown not alleviating even as her gaze finally moved away, and he frowned himself as he watched her.

“Why?” he asked, wincing internally as he heard that same self-consciousness he had felt an inkling of earlier creeping into his voice. “Did I do a shitty job?”

She laughed a little then, shaking her head before she looked back.

“No, it’s…” her words trailed off, looking away quickly again before she shrugged and muttered, “...it’s fine.”

Joel arched an eyebrow at that, his eyes narrowing in suspicion at her before he asked slowly, “What aren’t you saying?”

She shook her head again, stubbornly avoiding his gaze, even as she mumbled under her breath, “I just...you know.”

He did have a feeling—or perhaps a hope—for what she wasn’t saying, but he waited for her to admit it.

And after another moment where he continued to stare blankly at her, she huffed in annoyance, finally revealing in a sigh that nearly obscured the quiet words, “...I prefer it long.”

For the second time that night, Joel’s breath caught in his throat, watching the way her cheeks flushed again with her revelation that made his heart race. His lips parted again, but this time he finally was able to speak, her name leaving him on a breath that brought her eyes back to meet his.

But before he could say something else, the music from the band suddenly picked up again, causing dancers who had left the floor to come surging back again for more lively dancing. She looked up at him with a quiet laugh, a small, embarrassed smile on her lips as she pulled herself from his grip.

“I think you got more than one dance out of me, cowboy,” she enunciated the nickname with a wink and a pointed look up at his hat that made him return her smile with his own. “Maybe you should consider yourself lucky.”

There was something else hidden underneath the emphasis on that word, something that made him want to reach out to her, but she was already moving back out towards the edge of the floor.

But not before he could catch up to her, walking by her side so he could murmur under his breath, “Tonight?”

Joel dared a quick glance from the corner of his eye to see her bite her lip, a familiar smile of anticipation at his insinuation threatening to break through as she hummed out, “Mhm.”

He didn’t say anything else as he broke off from her, heading in the opposite direction to try and distract himself from how badly he wanted to whisk her away right then and there.

The dead of night would have to do.

You were surprised by how quickly Joel opened the door when you knocked later that night.

“Hey,” he greeted on an exhale, his hand finding your hip and tugging you into the house, his other hand closing the door behind you before you could even begin to form a response.

Without another word, his hands began to slide up your sides and around your back, tugging you against him as he explored your curves through the tight fabric of the dress you were still wearing. You had suspected he liked it, judging by the way he kept subtly stroking your hip and back during your dance, so you had kept it on for your midnight call.

When his mouth found your ear, you knew what he was going to ask before he even started to whisper, “How do you want me?”

Even as he spoke to you, you couldn’t stop thinking about the way he had held you tonight as you danced together, along with the way he had looked at you. Any strange form of jealousy—because that’s what it truly was, jealousy, you couldn’t deny it even if you tried—that you had felt when he was talking to Esther quickly disappeared when he kept smiling at you as he led you across the dance floor.

But that didn’t mean you didn’t want to stake your own claim on him now, just like he had already done to you, even if neither of you had talked about it since. Especially after you had seen a resurgence of his own jealousy tonight, when he had denied the request for a dance with you from the man you had once had a one-night stand with. It had brought the memory of his possessiveness to the forefront of your mind, and you wanted more.

You were desperate for more slips of the mask Joel held so carefully in place, feverish for more glimpses of the man underneath all those carefully constructed walls.

So when your mouth opened, you didn’t give yourself a moment to think twice about it before you whispered, “Bed.”

Joel froze, and you almost regretted your boldness before his body relaxed under your hands. He leaned back, his hand finding yours to tug you after him, leading you up the staircase as your heart started to beat faster and faster at the familiar, lustful intent in his dark eyes.

After nudging the door open with his foot, he pulled you in after him, flicking the lights off to send you both into darkness. It took a moment for your eyes to adjust, letting the moonlight filtering through the curtains on his large windows help you not to stumble as he continued to guide you to the bed.

When he began to turn, you placed your hands on his chest, stopping him from whatever he was intending to do. Your fingers moved back to the buttons on his flannel, undoing the first few and making Joel’s breath catch in his throat, his mouth opening before that breath stuttered back out when your hand slid underneath his shirt to caress his collarbone.

He whispered your name, the sound half-warning, half-lusting, and you smirked against his skin from where you pressed your lips to his jaw. His recently trimmed facial hair tickled your lips, and you hummed in satisfaction from the sensation as you kissed down his neck, relishing in the way his breathing continued to come out in short bursts at your actions.

“I won’t take it off,” you murmured, leaning back up to bump your nose against the curve of his jaw as he grabbed your hips tightly. “Just a little bit…”

This close to him, you could almost feel his breath catch in his throat more than you heard it, and you pulled back slightly, tilting your head back to meet his gaze before you whispered, “That okay with you?”

The words were soft, because you always wanted him to be okay with whatever you did, just as he had always sought your own consent, from the very first encounter you both had in your kitchen.

Joel’s eyes searched yours, his throat bobbing with a hard swallow before he murmured, “Yes, ma’am.”

His submission sent desire shooting straight to your core, your pussy throbbing as you tugged at the next few buttons on his flannel until the upper part of his torso was revealed to you. Your hands spread across his hot skin that was available, a moan catching in the back of your throat from the feeling of the muscles that were reasonably toned from a life of survival.

There were also hints of a soft stomach below, your fingertips barely grazing it with the flannel still partially buttoned. It was a sign of the comfort of his life in Jackson that made you smile to yourself.

You leaned in to press an open-mouthed kiss to his collarbone, teeth grazing against it before you licked across his skin, drawing a quiet moan from him before your mouth continued to move down his chest. Your hands trailed over the rest of his flannel, leaving the remaining buttons untouched until your fingers hooked around a loop in his jeans, your other palm pressing against the erection that was already straining against his pants. You smirked against his skin when you heard him grunt before dropping to your knees.

Joel mumbled your name, his voice sounding shocked even in its deeper, rougher state from his desire, before he grunted again, louder this time when you mouthed over the bulge in his jeans. You let your saliva soak the fabric, your tongue putting pressure against his clothed erection. His hand grabbed your hair at the sensation, keeping you close as his other hand found your shoulder to steady himself.

“Fuck,” Joel gasped, and you smiled against the fabric when he tugged gently at your hair. “Take them off.”

You looked up at him through your eyelashes, and he groaned when his gaze met yours, your mouth still pressed to the erection in his pants before you pulled back to murmur, “Manners, Joel. Be a good Southern gentleman for me.”

His lips parted, a whine so quiet that you almost wondered if you had imagined it leaving them before he whispered, “Please, darlin’.”

A quiet chuckle left you at the way his accent sounded sharper around the term at your teasing, and you realized once again that he really did get off on oral.

“Good,” you whispered, the loud sound of his zipper echoing in the room as you pulled it down, followed by his pants hitting the floor, then his boxers so his cock was finally freed.

You watched it spring to attention, fully hard, a lustful breath of anticipation leaving your lips to fan against it. The sound of his breath hitching only made you more desperate, your tongue flicking out to lick over the head of his cock as a test.

When he grunted loudly, louder than any sounds of pleasure you had heard from him before, any further hesitation went flying out the window as you wrapped your lips around him and began to suck.

“Jesus—”

Joel gasped, his fingers tangling in your hair as your tongue swirled around his dick, alternating licking and sucking while you listened for any audible cues to what he liked best. From what you could tell, though, it seemed like he liked everything you did, and you hummed in satisfaction around him.

You continued to take him deeper into your mouth, your hand wrapping around his base to stroke him in time to your tongue and lips. There were tears forming in your eyes, but you didn’t care, looking back up at him when he groaned again to see he was watching you intently while you sucked him off.

“God, you look so good like this,” he muttered, his voice thick and hoarse from the blowjob you were giving him, and you pumped him faster, tongue flattening against his cock, cheeks hollowing as you sucked so hard he nearly bucked into your mouth, but he just barely held himself back. “Fuck, yes. Just like that, sweetheart.”

You moaned around him at the praise, feeling your panties growing damp with your own desire as his own moan echoed yours. Joel’s hips began to rock gently with the movement of your strokes, rolling a bit farther in and out of your mouth, unable to hold himself back as much as you could tell his high was fast approaching, even as he let you continue to lead.

When you felt him twitch in your mouth, his fingers tugged at your hair again, a bit harder than before, but not painful as he grunted, “Fuck, I’m—shit, wait, I’m gonna cum. I—”

Pulling your mouth off of him with a wet pop, you listened with satisfaction as Joel groaned in a mix of relief and disappointment that you hadn’t brought him to release yet.

“You got there fast,” you muttered hoarsely, reaching a thumb up to wipe across where your lipstick had surely smeared across your mouth from sucking his dick, which Joel watched with a needy gaze, his dick twitching in the air in front of your face again.

“Shut up,” he murmured, his face flushed and hair sticking to the sweat on his forehead from the high that had been approaching him, and you couldn’t hold back a quiet chuckle of contentment at his reactions to your mouth before you pushed yourself back to your feet.

“Lay back,” you whisper, placing a hand on his chest to gently push him back towards the bed behind him.

It wasn’t nearly hard enough to actually make him fall, but he sat quickly enough anyway, watching you with clear anticipation as you kicked your heels off before climbing onto the bed after him when he laid back, crawling up over his body until you were straddling him. Joel’s hands hovered above your thighs, fingers hesitantly grazing your skin that was showing from where your dress had ridden up, until you gave him a nod.

At your silent okay, he slowly grabbed your thighs, his rough palms and thick fingers surrounding your skin and making you hum in approval. When his thumb stroked against one of your thighs, you glanced down, realizing that he was drawing a path along the scar that the hunters had left on you.

It was the injury he had helped treat, the moment you had admitted that this was more than you could have ever expected, and you let out a shaky sigh as your hands pressed to his chest. One of them slid underneath his shirt until your own palm was resting over Joel’s injury that you had treated yourself, fingers stroking along the feeling of the healed scars that the gashes had left.

You could feel the way Joel’s breath caught this time from the way his torso froze momentarily before he relaxed under your touch. His hand that wasn’t stroking along your scar slipped up under his shirt, finding yours from where it rested over his scars as his eyes met yours, gaze searching for you didn’t know what.

“Do you want to see it?” he murmured, and your heart pounded in your chest, eyes widening as you heard the underlying meaning to that seemingly inconsequential question.

Do you want to see me?

There may have been hesitation in your mind, but your body responded instantly, your head tilting in a nod that was all Joel needed to see before his hands lifted to rip at the remaining buttons on his flannel, tossing the ruined fabric to the side of the bed.

His eagerness to remove the shirt could have made you laugh if you weren’t so captivated by the sight of his body completely naked for the first time. You let your eyes roam across his torso, fingers spreading through the hair on his chest and following the occasional scar until you grazed your touch over the old, healed wound you had patched up in his bathroom.

“It looks better,” you murmured, tracing each of the thin scars the long gashes had left, listening to the way Joel’s breath stuttered each time you moved to a new one.

“Yeah,” he whispered hoarsely, his hands finding both of your thighs again, fingers trailing up under your dress. “Thanks to you.”

You expected his hands to stop at your panties, but they kept going up, his rough touch skimming across your lower stomach, making you shiver.

His touch stopped around your ribs, fingers dancing around that area, brows furrowed as he gazed at where your dress still covered most of your body. For a moment you thought he was trying to find the patch of your skin that had been covered by a bruise until recently, but his hand that was searching was on the opposite side of where the mark had been.

Then you realized with a start what Joel was trying to find with his hands alone.

Your tattoo.

Fuck, you didn’t even think he remembered that it was there. The only time he had caught a real glimpse of it was so long ago, when you could still hardly stand being in the same room as each other.

But it was clear that he was looking for it now, fingers running across your skin as if he could feel the ink on your skin, and a heavy breath left you with words that you could hardly even reconsider, let alone stop as you asked, “Do you want to see it?”

Joel’s hands stopped in their fruitless search, his gaze meeting yours as he searched your eyes for something once again. After a moment of tense silence where you were almost certain you were both holding your breaths, he nodded, and you exhaled shakily as your hands reached down to grab the hem of your dress.

You pulled the tight fabric up, shimmying out of it until it was over your head, throwing it to the ground beside the bed to be forgotten. With your hair now messed up and makeup for the party completely ruined from sucking his dick, you were sure you must have been quite a sight, but Joel gazed up at you as if you were made of the beams of moonlight that streamed through the curtains and lit up the darkness of the bedroom while you explored each other’s bodies.

His gaze was moving all over your body, eyeing the bra that still covered your breasts before looking back down at your abdomen that he could now see. One of his large hands curled around your curves, his thumb brushing against the ink of the tattoo, and your eyelids fluttered from the soft touch as you suddenly realized that you wanted Joel to know you.

All of you, in a way nobody else ever had.

Spurred on by the gentle heat in his eyes as he continued to glance over your body, you reached your hands up behind your back, unsnapping the hook of your bra and relishing in the way Joel’s eyes widened, his lips parting at the sound.

Letting the anticipation hang in the air for a moment, your eyes remained locked with his, searching for any sign that he wasn’t okay with this step. When his tongue darted out to lick his lips, followed by a quick nod of his head, you slid the straps off your shoulders before finally letting the fabric fall from your chest, tossing it to the ground to join your dress.

The groan that left Joel’s lips when he finally saw you naked for the first time was completely unabashed, and you blinked rapidly as he suddenly shot up, sitting up straight as his hands slid from your hips up to your sides.

Before he could reach the new area of your exposed skin, he paused, eyes meeting yours to seek permission. At how wide and nearly desperate his deep brown gaze was, you nodded quickly, a sigh of absolute pleasure leaving your lips when he gripped your back, pulling you towards him as his mouth descended upon the swell of one of your breasts.

He pressed fast, open-mouthed kisses along the curve of it until his tongue flicked out over your nipple, and you gasped, hands finding his hair to tangle in the strands when he lapped it into his mouth to suck on it.

“Oh, god,” you whispered, back arching to press your breasts further against his face, moaning as he hummed in approval around your sensitive nipple that was still in his mouth. “That fucking mouth is too talented for your own good, cowboy.”

Joel chuckled against your breast before his tongue continued to swirl around the stiffened peak, his hand finding your other breast. He cupped it gently for a moment, thumb stroking along your nipple before he began to palm it, harder and faster as you continued to moan from the sensation.

When your nipple left his mouth with a wet pop, you hardly had a moment to breathe before he switched to the other one, giving it the same attention he had given the first one as his other hand moved to palm your wet breast until you were going crazy from the sensation.

You shifted until your hips found his as he lavished your chest, the damp fabric of your panties pressing against his hard dick so you could grind against it. The sensation elicited moans from both of you, his hands flying down to your hips to hold you steady as you slowly began to grind against him.

“Perfect,” Joel gasped when his mouth finally left your chest, his head tilting back, meeting your dark gaze with one of his own as your hand cupped the back of his neck, keeping your gazes locked as you continued to grind against him. “Perfect fucking tits, I knew it. Just like I imagined.”

Your eyelashes fluttered, whining from the admission that he had imagined how you would look like this. Unable to take it any longer, you grabbed his hand, wrapping his fingers around the banding of your panties before you ordered, “Tear them off.”

Joel didn’t need to hear anything else, his grip tightening on the fabric before he tore it from your skin. It fell from his hand on the edge of the bed, his hands moving back to grip your ass as you lifted your hips, your hand finding his cock that was still wet from your mouth earlier as well as your arousal that had soaked through your panties when you were grinding against him.

When the head of his cock pushed through your folds and you began to sink down onto him, you whimpered, the loud sound followed by his own long, low groan of approval at finally being joined like this, with your bodies completely naked and pressed together. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, grabbing him as your head tilted back from the intensity of him filling you up until he was completely bottomed out.

You took a moment to breathe, your pussy adjusting to him as his hands moved back to your hips. His thumb found the edge of the scar on your thigh again, stroking along it as he smothered a sigh of satisfaction into your neck, and you exhaled heavily before you lifted yourself up a few inches to take him in completely again.

Joel groaned against your skin, and your hands gripped his shoulders, using the position as leverage while you started to move up and down, lost in the way his dick felt rolling in and out of you. He leaned back, his hands on your hips holding you steady as he glanced over your body while you rode him.

Another moan left his mouth as his gaze fixed on the way your breasts bounced with your movements, his lips parting as he mumbled, “Fuck, you look so perfect, naked and riding my cock. Better than I could ever dream.”

You whined, shifting so your body was pressing against his again, arms wrapping around his neck while you traded bouncing on his dick to rolling your hips. A loud moan left your parted lips, joining the sounds of his bed creaking from your fucking that had started to fill the air, desperately grinding against him when you found the right position for friction against your clit.

“Oh sweet God,” Joel whispered, his lips finding your neck, burying his words against your skin as your pleasure continued to build. “Keep going, darling. You take me so well.”

Fingernails digging into his shoulders, you couldn’t help but moan louder and louder, the pressure inside your lower stomach building until it finally burst, an orgasm making your walls tighten around Joel’s dick that was still buried deep inside of you. The sensation earned a grunt and a weak thrust from him before he stilled himself, his thumb continuing to stroke against your thigh as he kept murmuring words of praise into your skin.

“So fucking good,” he whispered hoarsely, his tongue licking up the sweat on your neck as he groaned, “Feels so fucking good when your pussy clenches around my cock like that, darlin’. Can’t ever get tired of you coming when I’m inside of you.”

“Joel,” you whimpered, hands grabbing for purchase on him, and his hand that wasn’t on your thigh reached up to spread against your back, pressing you securely to him.

“I’m here, sweetheart,” he murmured, pressing kisses up your neck to your jaw. “Take your time.”

You did take your time, continuing to grind your clit against his lower stomach until you came two, three times in total with his hard dick still inside of you. Joel grunted each time you climaxed, his grip tightening on you, voice hoarse and strained as he continued to talk you through each orgasm.

When you felt his fingers begin to tremble, his breath coming out through heavy pants, you finally took mercy on him. Even after the string of your orgasms, you steadied your grip on his shoulders, leaning back to begin to bounce on him again, earning a loud groan from Joel as you watched his head toss back from your movements.

Your hand curled around the back of his neck, fingers dancing along his skin as you watched his eyes squeeze shut, his face contorted in pleasure while you rode him faster, harder than you had before, with the intent now to finally make him cum.

His lips parted, fast, heavy pants leaving them as one of his hands left your hips to place on the bed behind him. Joel’s other hand gripped your hip tightly as he began to thrust upwards, meeting your movements until you were truly moving as one.

“Look at you,” you whispered on a breath, your thumb brushing against his bottom lip, earning a moan from Joel that turned into quiet whimpering as he started to buck up into you, the sound of skin slapping against skin joining the creaking of the wooden bedframe. “I may have been yours before, but you’re mine tonight, Joel. Do you understand?”

His eyes flashed open at your words, pupils blown wide with desire as his gaze met yours with a harsh exhale of, “Yes, ma’am.”

You nodded in satisfaction, panting from exertion as you moved even faster, earning a loud groan from him as you leaned forward to whisper, “Cum for me now, Joel.”

“Fuck!” he gasped, not needing to hear another word as he slipped out of you, pulling your body forward to press tightly against his, his cock twitching as he rutted against your stomach before his release coated your skin and his from where you were pressed together.

Joel kept you clutched to him, your naked chests pressed together as you both panted heavily, coming down from your highs and exertion. You didn’t complain about the close contact, your fingers lazily twisting through the curls at the back of his neck as you murmured praise into his ear to gently bring him down from the intensity of his orgasm.

When his grip on you finally slackened, you slipped from his lap onto the bed, falling onto your back at the same moment he did.

“Jesus, you’re…” Joel’s voice was hoarse as he trailed off, clearing his throat before he finished, “you’re really good at…”

You laughed breathlessly as you glanced at him from the corner of your eye, watching him struggle to find the words before offering, “Riding cowboys?”

Now it was his turn to laugh, a low, throaty chuckle that made you bite your lip as his head turned to meet your gaze.

“Maybe that’s my true secret talent,” you teased breathlessly, earning another laugh from him, a smile growing on your face as he shook his head in amused disbelief.

“Well,” he sighed heavily, pushing himself up and shooting you a smirk that you couldn’t help but smile even wider at, “I’m not complaining.”

That smile faltered as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, and you couldn’t stop yourself from asking softly, “Where are you going?”

Joel looked back at you, his eyes softening, reaching out to squeeze your knee gently before pushing himself to his feet. “Taking care of you.”

The simple sentence caused a flutter in your chest, an undeniable warmth blossoming through you from head to toe that you couldn’t resist but sink into. You sighed, allowing yourself to relax back into the bed, unable to stop a quiet laugh as he stumbled slightly with a muttered curse when his legs shook. It was laughter that only grew when he mumbled for you to shut up.

It was impossible to keep your eyes open, too lost in the blissful haze that only multiple orgasms could provide. When you heard Joel return, you didn’t bother to move as the warm washcloth pressed to your legs and stomach, letting him clean you up as gently as he always did, even as his hands began to wander across your skin more than they usually did during his aftercare.

There was no part of you that was complaining as the washcloth on your thigh was replaced by Joel’s fingers as he stroked your scar before moving up to trace the outlines of your tattoo. It made you shiver, a hum leaving your lips at the pleasant feeling of him touching you so softly after how greedy you had been for each other’s bodies.

After a moment, you heard him stand back up and move into the bathroom before coming back. The bed dipped under his weight when he laid down beside you, but your eyes were too heavy now to reopen. Your breathing began to even out, unable to resist the call of sleep for much longer.

“Just…” you mumbled, your head lifting as your hands subconsciously found a pillow to pull down and rest your cheek against. “Gimme a…”

At the familiar feeling of callused fingers brushing against your cheek before tucking a strand of hair behind your ears, you hummed softly, a small smile pulling on your lips that you couldn’t hide that close to falling asleep.

“Take your time,” the familiar, deep voice assured you again, and any remaining tension seeped from your body at the sound of it.

Those same long, rough fingers that had contributed to the death of dozens of men—if not even more—brushed against the back of your cheek for a moment. The sleepy smile on your face grew, the comforting touch drawing you deeper into a half-asleep state, until the hand shifted so the palm laid directly against your cheek.

It cupped your face so gently, so perfectly, that you couldn’t help but sink further into the pillow in an overwhelming sense of comfort and ease.

Your lips parted to say something, maybe to whisper a name, his name, but only a soft breath escaped you as the thumb carefully stroking along the small scar on your cheek pulled you gently into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

#joel miller x reader #joel x reader #joel x f!reader #joel miller smut #joel x reader smut #a stranger's heart series

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penncilkid · 7 months ago

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Been thinking about my experiences as a POC within fandom while also being an artist and how much that sucks sometimes. This is primarily in regards to the Redacted fandom, but could be applied to any other fandom honestly.

Proper "fussing" under the cut (for those who would rather not see):

Sometimes, I really stop and think about what it must be like to be a white person in fandom, especially when you're an artist. To see yourself reflected in the spaces you exist in all the time. There are some exceptions to this, of course. For example, lack of body diversity is just as much of a problem in my opinion (Like fat people exist. Disabled people exist. Fat, disabled people exist. You can draw them, y'know? /rhet) But generally speaking, it's not difficult to find designs that probably look like you. There will be blondes, brunettes, redheads even— It's everywhere you look.

I don't think most people realize how isolating that ends up feeling though.

Because it's not just the fact that most of the art/designs you'll stumble upon won't resemble you. It's the fact that the prevalence dictates how everyone else interacts with fandom too.

Do you know how much it sucks seeing a post saying "So we all agree that Asher's blonde, right?" and knowing that most people are thinking of a white guy and nothing else?

Or noticing how Alexis, a generally "hated" character in the fandom, is the only vampire most people are willing to make visibly brown?

How about the fact that Gavin, the "thrilling" and "sexy" incubus, has so many black and brown designs— But I can count the non-white Lasko designs I've come across on my hand?

People can do whatever they want. I've said it before, and I'll continue to repeat it when I make these rambles. If you want to make every single design you have varying shades of white and never stray from that, that's your prerogative. But for the love of god, I wish I didn't feel like I was fucking crazy for talking about how much that shit sucks to see as a person of color.

On top of that, do you know how frustrating it is to watch white artists get praised for generic diversity when POC artists have been consistently bringing forth such compelling, stunning designs to table? Like I see the kind of shit that gets praised in this fandom and what doesn't. Racial ambiguity or the slightest addition of a curl gets treated like it's revolutionary— And that's only if it's the "correct" character. It has to "make sense", right? The same way Sam has to have sun-kissed, golden skin even after he's been turned, or the way Guy has to be white because there's no way someone with that personality could be anything but.

Do you know what it's like to be filled with such a sense of joy because someone made a design where a character had your skin tone or hair texture or facial feature? Like, I genuinely have a strong reaction whenever I find a black or brown design in this fandom because they're so rare in comparison to everything else. And when I really stop to think about that, I realize how fucked up of a phenomenon that is.

I love the designs that I've made, but I've also noticed which ones "do better" comparably. I don't change much of anything with how I go about posting or promoting them. The only difference is that some of them fit what is considered widely "canon" in fandom. And the others... don't. I go out of my way to make every design POC in some regard, and you can usually tell visually even without the addition of colors. I'm not gonna stop doing that because I know why I started in the first place. But fuck, it does start to hurt seeing white artists with the same general white designs get hyped up endlessly while I internally debate if I should even make another character look like me or not. If it'll even matter to anyone but me.

Some days, I just really wish it didn't feel like shit being black in this fandom. I hate knowing that I'm gonna post this, and I'll probably get responses for other people of color primarily.

But maybe putting this out will help that pill get easier to swallow.

#PK Rambles #Fandom Wank #If you feel “targeted” by this post: Maybe just ask yourself why? /gen #Because I promise you that your brief discomfort will fade with time #And my isolating exhaustion will continue to seep deeper and deeper into my bones #I'm just really fucking tired in a lot of ways

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eldstunga · 1 year ago

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Hi! I really love your art! The lines are so bold but the colours so natural that it feels distinct but grounded?? I'm obsessed with the shapes in your work

I was wondering if you had any advice for drawing bodies? Whenever I try it either my proportions are off or an arm ends up looking like a calf or something.

First of all, thank you <3 That's so nice and I think "lines bold, colours natural" is some truly aspirational words to say about my art, I'll strive to be what you say I am <3 I do not, unfortunately, have any great tips on drawing bodies - it's a very wide topic and fundamentally just really bloody hard. I fail horribly 9 times out of 10. How to approach it I think varies a lot with like...HOW you are struggling, and who you are as a person. For proportions and anatomy there are definitely books to look at, and some rules of thumb that can help you - anything from "the shoulders are about 2.5-3 heads wide" through "feet are the same length as the forearm", "elbows are in line with the navel and the navel is two sternums down" etc etc. For me, realising just how big the ribcage actually is and learning how to use that as a unit of measure was a big event (the torso is about two ribcages long). Look at references, Draw over low opacity references and try to look for patterns that help YOU. Like... "Hm, do the shoulders line up with something useful?"

Having a good ref model to double check things helps too. The pen is pointing to about the bottom of the ribcage. But there's also stuff like maybe you're getting too hung up on construction and then it might help more to try to draw from references by ONLY blocking in a silhouette first. This helps me sometimes still:

Or you could be like me, struggle with all of the above and then some - like how to make poses look natural and/or dynamic? Weight distribution is a whole other topic.. gah, it never ends, but it's fun to learn.

Lastly, this took me way too long to realise and I think it should be said: Do not fret too much about STUDYING. The unfair thing is that the better you are at something, the better you will be at actually learning from doing studies and exercises or reading books. We accept this with many other disciplines and sports but rarely art. Mileage is king, and mileage is best gained from having fun and enjoying what you do. If you find studies suffering and frustrating you're probably better off just drawing what you enjoy and fuck it if it isn't "pushing your boundaries" or whatever. Eventually you'll get to the point where studies start to give more than they take, and then you're home free. I'm not gonna recommend a billion resources you likely won't enjoy but here are some things I genuinely found helpful lately: * a physical anatomy model, they're pricy and not necessary but being able to just look at it every now and then, turn it over etc helps. * The "Morpho" series of books, they do not teach anatomy, but they are very useful quick reference books and much more easily digested than most anatomy material. Just try to find a real anatomy book to read once your appetite is up as well.

The zig-zag/Lightning bolt method for arms and legs, fuckin' thing revolutionised how I sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCkmB030GpQ

Gottfried Bammes "The Complete guide to Anatomy for Artists and Illustrators" This thing is insane, it's from the 50's and like 600 pages long. You could absolutely kill someone with it, but a lot of the pages are more philosophical or art history you can skip and despite its age and fear factor this dude writes in a witty, clever and just wonderful way that I've seen nowhere else. Fantastic photos. By far, FAR the best anatomy book I've ever seen. It's not a book I'd recommend for someone starting out, I would not have been able to digest it like four years ago, but once you get to a certain point it's amazing.

That's a lot, uhhh, feel free to ask me for more specific tips this was a bit of a rant. Hope some of it was useful!

#art tips #.txt #asks #sorry its such a wide topic I dunno where to start

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heesdreamer · 2 years ago

Text

SILENCED (1)

MASTERLIST

GENRE ➩ enhypen zombie apocalypse au!

SUMMARY ➩ navigating life 1 year post end of the world was already difficult as you avoided rotting corpses with hefty appetites and groups with various bad intentions. things get harder when you run into a group of survivors, 7 boys who make it impossible to run away.

WC ➩ 10.7k

WARNINGS ➩ all things that zombies bring like gore and death lol, sexual content, main character death etc

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ this was originally a one shot story but under request from people that read my stories before i post it’s going to be a multiple part series! hope you enjoy the first installment as it builds up the world and characters plz let me know your thoughts and guesses (NOT PROOFREAD)

Whenever you pictured the apocalypse, the end of the world that people often talked about over drunken hypotheticals or PG-13 level horror, you pictured it loud.

Thunderous even, a deafening mixture of screams and cries behind the roar of fire and destruction.

You imagined utter chaos and it was never quiet in your head when you did so, a clear built scenario that you never paid too much mind to, considering the absolute fantasy of it all.

So now that you were almost a year deep into the official end of humanity, you were a bit thrown off by how different it was from your previous assumptions. Sure, there had been fire and screams and it definitely wasn’t lacking chaos, but most days you found yourself in complete ear ringing silence.

The soundtrack of your day to day life rarely extended past birds chirping, the crunch of leaves and loose sticks under your boots as you attempted your way through forest filled terrain.

It’d taken you a while to leave Seoul, first being held back by fear and panic and then not wanting to leave the comfort of your known surroundings.

It was easy to figure out how to survive there after a while, knowing when it was safe to leave your apartment and scavenge the nearby stores and when it was time to draw the blinds and let’s hoards pass by undetected.

You’d sit with bated breath as you listened to soft groans and bodies bumping against your front door as they mindlessly made their way down the hallway and eventually off to find something that had made a noise or distracted them.

When you imagined the apocalypse before you hadn’t really considered the different types that could occur. You suppose chemical outbreak or maybe even a world war could’ve been possible, far fetched but possible nonetheless. Maybe even multiple waves of natural disasters, wiping out cities and land masses in its wake.

Somehow, the dead rising hadn’t crossed your mind.

The creatures that had lingered outside your door all those months ago weren’t like anything you could’ve possibly dreamed up in your anxious mind, defying science and all rationality with their mere existence and hunger based drive.

It didn’t bother you as much now, having spent weeks frustrated over the mechanics of their mobility, the reasoning for their immortality.

Now you felt somewhat close to them, these days hunger being your main reason for existence and almost your entire train of thought from the moment you woke up to the second you fell asleep. This was the same thing that had finally driven you from the city, the stores running dry eventually and leaving you no choice but to turn to nature for nutrients.

You thought about this comparison now as you came to a slow stop, lowering yourself down into a crouch as you listened to the branches snapping off in the distance.

The knife in your hand felt heavier than normal, eyes darting around the forest as you took in your surroundings and made a quick escape plan in case it was more than one undead, in case you needed to run and run fast. You didn’t want to leave just yet, having followed a deer into the woods a few hours ago and you were in desperate need of an actual meal.

Shifting your weight onto your heels, you listened to the sounds come closer and then stop when they reached a bush a few yards ahead of you.

Your head was cocking in confusion, grip tightening around the leather of your knifes handle as you waited for it to continue its approach. The bush rattled a few times, keeping your attention tightly locked on it as you held your breath.

“Put it down.” A low voice was sounding behind you and you froze, feeling the cold metal pressed against the back of your head before you even registered the fact that somebody was speaking.

It’d been weeks since you’d heard something so real, something so human other than your own voice and you felt a sudden wave of dizziness at the fact you were clearly stuck.

For a brief moment you considered spinning in place and attempting to disarm him, relying on your own swiftness taking him off guard and beating his reactionary speed that would cause him to pull the trigger before you even saw what he looked like.

This plan was put to rest quicker than you could think it through, the bush rattling again as another figured pushed its way through the thick leaves. You watched his face pull into a wince when he saw you and you furrowed your eyebrows.

“Hyung.” He muttered and you heard a sigh from behind you, their plan clearly not entailing this interruption. “She doesn’t have anything on her.”

The one behind you didn’t say anything about this, still not taking his gun off you considering the fact you’d made absolutely no move to lower your own weapon like he had originally instructed you. You remained still despite a wave of fear washing over you at the realization you had nothing of value for them to take other than yourself, a sudden reminder that the apocalypse was scary but being a woman was scarier.

“Go.” He was speaking again, still in that low timbre and the boy from the bush winced again, shaking his head like he wanted to deny the order but also taking an instinctive step forward like he was accustomed to taking them.

You couldn’t get a grasp on their dynamic or what they exactly wanted from you, the boy stood in front of you looked nervous like he had a thin idea of what would happen and he didn’t agree with it. You considered for a second if this was a situation worth trying to talk your way out of, eventually deciding to just let things take their course with your limited options.

“You don’t need to kill her, let’s just leave her here and go back.” He was taking another step forward and he continued to look over your shoulder, eyes only darting down to yours for a second in a silent plea for your cooperation. “She doesn’t know which way we’ll go”

“She was tracking.” The boy behind you was immediately noting and you almost cursed under your breath at the fact he was right. If you wanted to follow them you could, their tracks in the dirt obvious to you now that you’d spent months learning the skill.

“Then we tie her up and leave her, but we don’t need to kill.” He was shaking his head in exasperation and you could hear the boy behind you let out a frustrated sigh.

You had no doubt in your mind that if he was alone he would’ve killed you without a second thought, swift and silent in the way he had approached you from behind and keeping his gun firmly pressed against your skull. Despite your confusion you were silently thankful for the others boys resolve, although it came off as weak to you.

“If you’re going to tie me up in the woods you might as well kill me yourselves.” You were speaking for the first time and both boys reacted immediately.

The one behind you was shifting on his feet to stand firmer, pressing his metal into you while the other in front was giving you a helpless look, clearly upset you had immediately undone any progress he was making for your release.

It was silent for a few moments after that as they looked at each other and you wondered what conclusion they were coming to with just their glances. You hadn’t done yourself any favors in your statement but it was true, leaning you defenseless this close to dark was more of a death sentence than a bullet in your brain.

“We can take her back with us.” The boy from the bush was eventually whispering in a last attempt at keeping you alive, hands coming forward in a plea. “Not as a guest just as a prisoner for now, until we figure out what to do with her.”

You almost laughed at him but decided against it although figuring there was no possible way that would be allowed considering two seconds ago they were about to kill you. However the silence, and lack of immediate rejection, from behind you made you second guess.

You were being pulled to your feet before you even could process him moving again. “You’re explaining it to him, I’m not taking the heat for this.”

His tone was harsh but tired and you were startled at the fact he was actually taking you with, even more fear sinking in as you realized the ‘him’ he was referring to meant they weren’t out here alone. For some reason you hadn’t considered them being with a larger group.

The other boy didn’t say anything but you imagined he gave some form of silent acceptance considering the fact you were suddenly being moved forward harshly with your hands held behind your back.

You hadn’t seen the second boy yet but you were unnerved considering he was able to hold both your wrist together with a single hand, still keeping his gun pressed between your shoulder blades as you moved clumsily through the woods.

From their dynamic you had assumed they were alone, your first mistake, and that he was the leader out of the two of them. Hearing his words about explanation you realized the hierarchy wasn’t that simple and there was clearly somebody they both answered to outside of each other.

“Are your hands okay?” You looked to your left to see the kinder boy following you as you walked, staying at your side with his gun tight in his hands now.

The boy behind you sighed at his question and you weren’t sure exactly how to answer. They were hurting and if you saw any way out of this you would’ve complained, made a sarcastic comment that could potentially get your ass kicked if they weren’t feeling up for jokes at the moment.

Instead you offered him a small nod and turned back to face forward so you didn’t trip.

Your options now were to die here and now, act out and become more of a hinderance than their willing to deal with. Or go along with them and most likely end up being killed eventually anyways, maybe after at least one more night of sleep. You kept your mouth shut for the time being and kept walking.

“We should’ve blindfolded her.” The boy behind you was muttering after an hour or two went by and you vaguely heard the sounds of chatter and fire crackling off in the distance now. “He’s going to lose his shit.”

“Maybe we have Jake talk to him first.” The other one was whispering from beside you as the three of you slowed to a stop, accessing the situation before approaching with a stranger in toe.

It was clear to you now that this group was far larger than you had anticipated. They continued to whisper new names and you listened to the overlapping conversations off in the distance, your heart beating so fast it hurt as you skimmed through the different scenarios this could end in.

While they were distracted you were taking your chance, throwing your shoulder backwards to hit the first boy and taking off in a sprint back the way they had taken you from. You ignored his cry of shock and the others frantic plea for you to stop and come back as you whipped through the trees.

The sun was setting now so any tracking skills you had was completely useless, relying on nothing but your feet and the surrounding terrain as you attempted to put as much distance between you and the others as possible.

You could hear the two who had brought you back with them starting to yell out for help and despite cursing under your breath in frustration, you didn’t blame them and saw it coming before you even ran. You were a stranger and now you knew exactly where they were located, going from a hostage to a threat in seconds.

It had only been 20 minutes of running before you had exhausted yourself from lack of pacing, slamming against a tree and bending over with your elbows to your knees to try and catch your breath.

You could hear shouts in the forest behind you along with groans that brought on the harsh reminder you had more than one enemy in the woods. Their yells and loud feet over leaves and sticks were going to continue to bring more of the dead down on you and you were starting to panic completely.

Before you could think about it anymore or start running again, something heavy was slamming into your side and you were hitting the ground hard.

You flew across the leaves and mud before flipping over onto your back with a shout and scrambling away from whatever had rammed you before you even registered what it was. Another boy, not the one from the bush, was bouncing back to his feet considering he’d also hit the ground after he tackled you and was approaching you swiftly.

He looked furious but you couldn’t tell what type of weapons he had in the dark, kicking you feet out as he gained on you and hitting him in the knee.

A groan fell from his lips and he bent to grab his leg as you pulled yourself off the ground and instinctively reached down towards your thigh for your knife, finding the holster empty and immediately remembering it’d been taken from you hours ago.

He chuckled at your obvious dilemma although it lacked humor, an annoyed expression on his face like you were wasting his time. He was suddenly lunging at you again and although you were fast, he was definitely bigger and you let out a scream as he pinned you back down onto the floor.

Your stomach was pressed tightly against the dirt and you felt his knee land on your back, holding your arms tightly so you couldn’t break free from his hold again.

“Stop fucking moving already.” He was grunting from above you as you continued to thrash and attempt to kick at him despite slowly coming to the realization there was no getting free.

“Hyung.” Another voice was screaming out, obviously following the sounds of your cries and screams to find you. You twisted your head against the dirt to see the boy from the bush approaching you with a few others behind him.

“Sunoo go, you’ve done enough.” Your attacker was spitting from above you and you saw a flash of hurt over the others face, immediately taking a step back towards the rest of the boys who were watching the scene with varying expression.

Sunoo, the one who had brought you here in the first place, was clearly experiencing guilt as he looked down at you but you weren’t sure if it was for you or for causing an issue for his group. One of the boys behind him was reaching a hand up to grab his arm, pulling him backwards softly so he didn’t have to watch.

“Heeseung it wasn’t his fault.” You didn’t recognize the boy who was speaking now, approaching from the side, but you immediately could tell from his low timbre that he was the one who had held you at gunpoint. “I fucked up, we didn’t know what to do.”

“You kill her.” Heeseung was forcing the words out through gritted teeth and you were squirming again underneath his knee, the pain in your back excruciating as you started to find it difficult to breathe. “Or you leave her to the rotters, but under no circumstances do you bring her back to camp.”

Sunoo was glancing at the boy who had said something with a furthering expression of guilt and upset considering the fact those ideas had both been rejected by him. You thought about saying something, about pleading for your life or negotiating a deal where they could bring you far away and leave you somewhere you couldn’t find your way back.

You quickly decided against it considering how serious the boy above you was speaking, also piecing together this was clearly who was in charge and was being discussed in the woods previously.

The others boys were watching in the distance and you were trying to count them to see how outnumbered you were, eventually giving up considering how dark it was and how dizzy you were getting from being pinned against the floor. It was definitely more than you could handle and there was clearly no use in trying to out run them again considering how silently and quickly Heeseung had caught up to you the first time.

You hadn’t even heard him before he came out of the trees and it’d only taken him a second to bounce back onto his feet despite the tackle almost completely knocking the wind out of you.

He had you beat in all aspects and you didn’t feel like poking the bear would be the best move if you wanted to survive the night. That might not be up to either of you however considering the low groans that were starting to fill the forest.

Between the darkness and the almost echoing night air you couldn’t quite tell which direction it was coming from and judging by the way the group of boys starting to look around with their weapons raised, they couldn’t either.

You were being pulled up off the floor before you could think for another second and you sucked in a big breath now that your lungs were no longer restricted, immediately faltering when you were aggressively yanked around as Heeseung started to move towards the boys.

He was flinging you around like a rag doll and you heard him give out a low whistle, the others immediately forming a semi circle defense while everyone started to move in sync through the forest back towards where their camp was. It was a practiced routine and you would’ve been impressed if you weren’t technically their opponent right now.

“Pick your damn feet up.” He was speaking lowly into your ear with irritation and you let out a grunt as he continued to drag you.

“If you gave me a fucking second maybe I could.” You were spitting back and thrashing your torso forward slightly so his grip on your arms would loosen, he didn’t say anything about this and just glared at you as he let you get your balance so you could travel back to the base faster. “Thanks.”

He scoffed but didn’t reply to your sarcastic comment, traveling swiftly in silence on guard in case more than one dead came out from the dark woods.

By the time you got back to the camp, the fires were put out and nobody else was around. You weren’t sure if that’s because it was late or because everybody who lived here was apart of the group trailing behind you.

The camp was mainly made up of tents, some smaller like they were only fit for a pair and some large with big wooden stakes to hold them up. There was a few RV’s you could see from where you were standing and some trucks that could possibly run but for the most part they were large rust buckets littered with blood and dirt residue like the rest of the worlds vehicles.

You were being pulled into the largest tent before you could finish your observation and sat down in a chair furtherest away from the opening. You almost made a comment about them thinking you’d run again but you decided it wasn’t the best idea.

Only two of the boys followed you inside after Heeseung, the one from earlier who had attempted to take the blame off Sunoo and another you didn’t recognize.

“So what’s the plan then?” He was the one who spoke first and you glanced at him from under your messy hair, shifting uncomfortably as Heeseung tied your hands behind the chair tightly.

“First this idiot needs to tell me why he brought her back in the first place.” After he was finished and confident his ties were strong he was circling back around and approaching the familiar one, you couldn’t see his face anymore but his back was tense and straight. “What were you thinking?”

He cocked his head slightly but he didn’t seem deterred or intimidated by Heeseung’s demeanor, only breaking eye contact to spare you a quick glance.

You wondered if he was worried you’d give up the fact it was Sunoo who had practically insisted they bring you back. It was interesting that despite telling him he had to be the one to take the heat originally, he had immediately stepped up for the blame once he realized Heeseung was truly angry.

“She’s a tracker.” He brought his gaze back to the other boy as he spoke calmly. “She would’ve found us if we just left her and I saw no other option.”

The boy you didn’t recognize was looking at you now with a curious expression and you turned your head to look at him for a second, not able to get a good read on what he was thinking or what side of this argument he would be on. You wondered if this was the one mentioned earlier, Jake.

“You should’ve killed her Jay.” He was holding your gaze as he said it and you were taken back by his comment, not expecting him to be so blunt and cold.

Jay, despite being the one to originally put a gun to your head, also looked thrown off by this and faltered in his calm expression for a second and he looked at him. “Are you serious?”

“Jake’s right.” Heeseung shook his head, confirming your previous suspicious and Jay let out a small laugh of disbelief, taking a step away from the two boys back towards the entrance.

“I’m just supposed to blow her brains out right in front of Sunoo, just because there’s a slight chance she’d follow us?” He was holding his hands up in frustration and you shifted uncomfortably in the seat again, causing their heads to turn towards you.

Heeseung was approaching you swiftly and you watched him as he took large steps, gasping when his hand was reaching up to grab a solid chunk of your hair in his tight grip. He pulled slightly to make you look at up him, bending slightly so he could hold eye contact with you.

“How many people are in your group?” He was speaking steadily and low but you could feel the warning in his tone.

You were shaking your head in denial and confusion but stopped when he tightened his grip and repeated himself louder and more agitated. “How many?”

“I don’t have a group, it’s just me.” You were wincing and trying to hold his gaze, failing miserably due to the pain and intensity. Your eyes went over his shoulder to look at Jay and you gave him a desperate look. “Tell him it was just me.”

He didn’t say anything and you didn’t expect him to, only asking out of pure panic and as a last ditch attempt to plead your case. You weren’t afraid to die but if you could help it, it wouldn’t be in some random groups tent just because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Heeseung was loosening his grip on your hair as he looked at you but keeping his hand on the back of your head, a silent warning in case you decided to act out in any sort of way. You watched him with your breath held as you waited for him to say something or react in any sort of way. He was just studying your expression like he was attempting to seek out some trace of a lie on your face.

“You can track.” He was stating suddenly but you took it as a question and nodded repeatedly as best as you could with how close he was to your face. “Can you hunt?”

You were nodding again but slower this time, not quite understanding where this was going. He was looking over his shoulder back at the other boys and Jake gave him an incredulous look that only confused you further before you slightly pieced together what he could he implying.

“You’re not serious.” He was laughing but it was devoid of humor, glancing at Jay who was stony faced as he looked at you. “Heeseung, you can’t be serious right now. Let her stay?”

You felt a wave of sickness pass by as he confirmed what you were thinking and you hoped you didn’t look too appalled visibly. You didn’t like this idea anymore than the thought of them killing you, never being in a group by choice. You didn’t necessarily play well with others and certainly not after they held you hostage and tackled you in the woods.

“She hunts.” He said it like it was obvious and you couldn’t deny the fact it was a valuable asset nowadays as human-made resources slowly died out. You’d noticed it yourself back at your apartment, having to venture out further and further every time you went for a run.

“Riki hunts.” Jake was quickly shutting him down and your interest piqued.

“Riki is learning to hunt but it’s not enough.” Jay was adding into the conversation now, still looking at you as he spoke like he had been since he entered the tent. “It’s almost winter and we can’t keep taking these day long trips every time we’re low…. and we’re always low.”

It was silent for a few moments while they looked at each other in frustration and you once again tried to understand the hierarchy and dynamics at play here, falling short every time. Eventually Jake was scoffing and exiting the tent, slamming the flap down as he left in anger.

Heeseung swiped a hand at Jay, dismissing him too and you didn’t miss the small nod he gave you before turning on his heel and following after the other boy.

That left you and Heeseung alone in the tent and he was taking a step away from you finally, watching you curiously as you took a breath finally and held his gaze tight in yours. You felt a dull ache in your back from his knee and your wrist were screaming for release from your constraints.

“Think of it as a trial.” He was turning away from you for a second as he started to talk and you stared daggers into the back of his head. “I don’t kill you now and in return, you don’t do something stupid.”

You watched him as he started to face you again with a stern look on his face, a hint of youth underneath the hardened exterior, and his eyes shot down to your feet and then back to hold your gaze. “Don’t give me a reason to kill you.”

——

You hadn’t spoken to him again but he didn’t seem too bothered by your silence, only muttering small commands as he dragged you out of the tent and towards one of the RV’s.

You were being left there for the night and you tried not to move much after he cut your restraints with a warning full glance, not wanting him to mistake your movements for another attempt at an escape. Despite not wanting to be there any longer than you had to, your chances were slim out in the woods by yourself.

You figured it wouldn’t hurt to stay a few nights, slipping out whenever you had gained their trust and didn’t need to sleep in a guarded metal bucket.

He’d left you with one of the boys you recognized from earlier in the woods, the one who had gently pulled Sunoo back after he started to get scolded. He looked the opposite of gentle now as he glared at you from the foldable table on the other side of the RV, gun hanging loosely on his lap and he watched you.

“Is there something on my face?” You were eventually muttering, not able to stop yourself as irritation bubbled to the surface.

You hadn’t asked to be brought back here, not even remotely putting yourself in this situation, yet everybody was acting like you were purposely causing issues or trying to harm them.

“You shouldn’t be here.” He was shaking his head and the deep tone of his voice threw you off slightly considering how young he looked.

Despite his youthful features, you could tell he was just as weathered and worn by this new world as everybody else was, you included. His eyebrows were pulled tight and his skin was darker in random sections like he had permanent dirt stains.

He was watching you as you observed him quietly, fidgeting slightly the longer you scanned his features and frame.

He was tall, a lot taller than you and even the other boys you’d encountered long enough to get a good sizing up done. You tried not to focus in on the tears in his clothing or the blood stains surrounding his knees and hands, not wanting to make him more uncomfortable than you already were.

“If you don’t want me here, why not just let me go?” You were shrugging like it was a nonchalant thing to ask, feigning ignorance that he clearly didn’t buy judging by his scoff and annoyed expression.

“And get in trouble for no good reason? Are you stupid or do you think I am?” He was letting his gun lean against the table, deciding you were more of a bother than an actual threat.

You shrugged but didn’t talk to him again for a minute of offer him a response to his question, knowing it would just further upset him. Considering the two of you were clearly stuck with each other for the night you didn’t see the point. “I’m Y/N.”

He was sighing as you spoke again, your voice softer than before as you shifted on the uncomfortable half bed Heeseung had sat you down on. You watched him watch you for a few seconds before he finally responded.

“Riki.”

——

You weren’t sure when you had managed to fall asleep, at some point just laying flat on your back and listening to the sounds of the forest off in the distance as they mixed with Riki’s soft breaths on the other side of the RV.

Apparently you had considering the fact you were being shook awake aggressively, jumping up with a start and reflexively striking the person who had woken you.

“Dude what the fuck.” Jake was standing near your bed and shielding his face from any further assault, a pained look on his face. You gave him an incredulous stare at his reaction, not quite sure how he expected you to react to being vibrated awake by a stranger who had encouraged your death last night. “Make yourself useful.”

He was turning and leaving after that quick statement and you groaned, flopping backwards onto the uncomfortable mattress for a second before kicking up and out of the bed, following him outside before he got too far away and you were lost in the camp.

“You’re going out with Heeseung today.” He was explaining as you jogged to catch up with him, trying to ignore the stares and whispers from the other boys as you passed.

“Does that mean I get my knife back?” You were asking him despite already knowing the answer and he shot you a quick glance at the sound of your voice, looking away as you furrowed your eyebrows.

“First piece of advice, don’t ask stupid questions.” He was stepping forward towards a different tent than last night, holding the flap open with a raised arm until you got the hint and ducked underneath it with a muttered word of thanks. He followed behind you and you saw Heeseung and two other boys sat around the tent, gearing up.

Sunoo was there and he faltered for a second when he saw you, another look of guilt washing over his face as his shoulders tensed. You gave him a small nod but it didn’t seem to appease him in anyway.

The other boy wasn’t looking at you, instead focusing on the disassembled gun in his lap as he meticulously cleaned it and cleared his throat. His hands were fast and swift, no hesitation or question in his expression.

“They’re going on a run too.” Heeseung was speaking and you looked up at him to see who he was talking to, surprised to see him already watching you. “We are heading off in the other direction.”

You were nodding and fidgeting in place, not quite sure how to respond to him in a way that didn’t immediately showcase your frustration. You weren’t thrilled about going out into the world with no weapons and no clue if this guy had good intentions, maybe this was his way of killing you as quietly as possible. He obviously wasn’t expecting you to hunt with your bare hands so you weren’t sure why he was bringing you along.

Still, you didn’t bother arguing with him and after a few more minutes of prep you were following him into one of the trucks off away from the main camp.

“There’s a town about an hour away.” He was muttering eventually as he drove, the heavy rumble of the old engine almost putting you to sleep if it wasn’t for the aggressive way the truck jerked every time he amateurly changed gears. “We cleared it for food but at the time we weren’t thinking about other types of supplies.”

You were watching the side of his face as he spoke and he spared you a glance at your silence. “You think there’s still stuff left now?”

“Possibly but it’s worth a shot. There’s a reason you’re out here and not in Seoul just like us, a lower populated town means maybe less survivors passed by when everything went to shit.” He was sighing as he spoke but seemed hopeful as he tried to convince you.

He wasn’t wrong for the most part, you had traveled to a more rural area in hopes for less of the dead and more towns left undiscovered. You figured if this didn’t end soon then there would be no place left that wasn’t completely cleared out.

Heeseung was large and sturdy but you didn’t miss his sunken in cheeks and darkened eyes, clearly lacking vital nutrients and a healthy lifestyle. It wasn’t that jarring considering you hadn’t met anybody who was doing particularly well but being in a group with larger numbers certainly made things a bit more uneasy.

You took a second to study him as he drove, trailing your gaze from his black long sleeve down to his matching cargo pants. His weapon holster was tightly pulled around his thigh similarly to how yours normally sat and you were suddenly reminded how defenseless you currently were.

“How do you know I’m from Seoul.” You didn’t necessarily feel like talking to him anymore than you had to but if you were going to be stuck with him in charge of your life, maybe some small talk wouldn’t hurt.

“Riki.” He spoke bluntly but it answered your question considering the fact you’d spent most of the night talking to the younger boy after the tension between you had calmed down. “Nice to hear you actually talk occasionally.”

“Maybe I’m more inclined to speak with people who haven’t tried to kill me.” You were quipping back and he let out a small chuckle at your sudden change in tone, not taking any actual offense.

You understood why he had done what he did and he knew you understood but that didn’t mean you were happy about the way things had went down and were continuing to go. You didn’t want to be with them and that much was clear but at some point he had figured if you had somewhere to go, you would’ve put up more of a fight.

The truck jerked particularly hard around another turn onto a dirt road and he swore under his breath, yanking at the shift knob until it slightly smoothed out again.

He gave you an awkward glance out of the side of his eyes and you tried not to chuckle at his terrible manual driving skills. You figured eventually everybody would adapt to things they hadn’t needed to before but it was slightly amusing to know most of the world was desperately trying to adjust to things you’d always had available to you.

You didn’t bother telling Heeseung you could drive a stick shift better than anything else, having been taught in one back in high school. He didn’t need to know how good you were at setting camouflaged rabbit traps or that you weren’t half bad with a bow. Your skill set was better kept a secret until you could get as far away from this group as possible.

By the time you were finally pulling up to a small town, if you could even call it that considering it was just a few old wooden buildings and shops in a U shape, Heeseung seemed to have relaxed a bit.

“We’ll be in and out.” He was carefully instructing as you got out of the car and you nodded although you were feeling frustrated about having no weapon. “Stay close by in case you run into an issue okay?”

Despite your upset and undeniable feeling of vulnerability, the run was going smoothly for the most part. You were quick to enter buildings behind Heeseung as he checked for undead and you had actually managed to get a bag full of supplies that could help the group through the winter.

Your guard was lowering slightly considering you’d come across little corpses, the small town seemingly sheltered from the horror the rest of the world had been subjected to.

Neither of you talked much, the mission being at the front of your minds and you were thankful for the lack of distraction.

It wasn’t until you were on your fourth building, some old auto shop with a connecting garage, that you realized how mistaken you had been. Heeseung was still outside the front door, fidgeting with something old and rusty that you couldn’t quite place.

Whatever it was, he seemed determined to unearthed it from the weeds that had grown around it and you impatiently shoved past him into the store. He offered a small scoff as you pushed through but didn’t bother chasing after you or demanding you wait, also making the mistake of being relaxed.

The second you entered the shop and the door closed behind you, a small gap left open considering the door was also subjected to the growing nature that almost converted the entire building, you smelt it.

Throughout the many months you’d been getting accustomed to the apocalypse and all it’s trials and faults, you still hadn’t adjusted to the overwhelming stench that came along with awaken corpses. It was especially murderous when they moved in masses or were left rotting since the start.

“Heeseung.” You were calling out in a hushed voice, slowing down your steps and looking around the store with confusion. You ignored the fact it was the first time you’d said the boys name and how casually it slipped out, listening in to his small hum of acknowledgment from outside. “Do you smell that?”

You could hear him setting down the metal thing he was obsessing over and pushing the door open swiftly, looking at you with a worried expression.

Before he could speak or confirm your senses, you were hitting the floor with a shriek.

It took you a second to realize why you had fallen but the moment you started to think straight again you could feel the tight bony hand wrapped around your ankle, having dragged you down onto the dust covered floor. You sucked in a sharp breath and scrambled back the best you could, kicking at the walker who had gripped your pant leg.

You could see it now, halfway stuck underneath one of the fallen shelves and desperate in the way it’s jaws snapped around nothing.

You were still kicking it when you realized the groans suddenly starting up were far too loud to be coming from the single walker in front of you, understanding with a wave of panic that your shriek had clearly awaken whatever amount of dead it was that was causing such an odor.

“Fuck.” Heeseung was entering the store swiftly and rushing over to you, immediately stomping the rotted skull of the dead that was holding you with his boot.

Ignoring the amount of blood and brain matter that sprayed out on your face at his action, you accepted his hand and let him pull you up and off the floor.

There was no time to dust yourself off as you both heard crashing and groans coming from the connected auto garage, clearly full of dead that had been starving for far too long. They were pouring out in pairs from the small doorway and you and Heeseung stood frozen as you tried to think of a way out of this.

They were coming from both sides of the aisle, filling up the only exit route back to the open door and sufficiently trapping you in the store.

Your fingers were twitching and reaching down to your empty holster, cursing once you remember you had no weapons on you and turning your head to glare at Heeseung who was already watching you with a panicked expression.

His eyes shot behind your head and you almost jumped out of the way, expecting something dead and hungry behind you, before he was reaching a hand out to grip your arm and pull you with him.

You didn’t object despite your confusion and you followed him swiftly, groaning loudly when you understood he was leading you towards the back of the shop where a small maintenance closet was hidden behind some tool carts and brooms.

“Hurry up, help me.” He was shouting back at you as he started to throw things out of the way and you unfroze, helping him clear the way to the door.

You were spinning around once finished to see the hoard closing in on you, a flustered shout pushing past your lips. “Heeseung.”

“I’m trying.” He groaned, his leg propped up against the wall as he kept trying to pry open the old rusted door with all his weight.

Finally, he was stumbling back in your direction and you grabbed his arm to stop him from falling into the awaiting arms of the dead that were now only a few feet from being able to grab onto you. He was immediately catching his footing and ushering you into the closet before closing it tightly behind the two of you.

You sat with bated breath and you waited to see if it would hold, the bodies of the corpses smacking against it as they clawed and practically shrieked with hunger.

Heeseung was holding the doorknob tightly so it wouldn’t spring back open and although it was dark, flashes of light that managed to break past the dozens of shoes outside the door, revealed to you his fearful expression that didn’t help calm your nerves.

You opened your mouth to speak and ask him about what you were supposed to do but his eyes were shooting to your in a glare, his free hand coming up to cover your mouth as he shushed you.

Your eyes widened at the fact he was suddenly touching you, looking down at the hand over your face and then back up at him as he swiftly ripped it away and shook his head, gesturing to the door like you were stupid for trying to make any noise.

He didn’t look at you again as you furrowed your eyebrows in annoyance but nodded in understanding, realizing he wanted to wait until they had settled before showing any sign of life. They could definitely smell you and had no reason to give up, only driven by hunger, but you figured eventually something would come by and distract them.

Which gave you some hope that you could get out of here safe, not wanting to die stuck in a smelly auto shop closet with Heeseung, but you also let out a small sigh knowing you’d be waiting here for a long time.

For the first time since you’d been rushed inside the small space, you took a second to look around. It was tiny, so small that if Heeseung was standing straight and not bending slightly to keep the door held shut, his shoulder would be touching the other wall.

To make matters worse the opposite width wasn’t any bigger, the toes of your boots smushed against his with no room to scoot backwards or make less contact.

Eventually he was slowly letting go of the metal door knob, moving barely an inch every ten seconds as you both waited to see if they were going to suddenly rip the door open and devour you whole. It was clear after a few minutes that it was sturdy enough to keep you hidden behind it for now, you’re not sure you could say the same about the next few hours however.

Heeseung sucked in a much needed breath and leaned backwards against his side of the closet, his knees pointing out towards you in result.

He was watching you with a curious expression and you glared at him in silence, not sure if you were allowed to talk yet or if it would result in his large hand over your mouth again.

“In and out.” He was whispering it so quietly it almost looked like he mouthed it. You could still barely see him but you could hear the smile in his voice as he joked about your failed plan, the light catching his eyes as he peered down at you. “You good?”

You were nodding but shifting uncomfortably, suddenly remembering how close of a call you’d had now that things were calmed down enough for you to think properly.

“It really had me for a second.” You whispered back to him and shook your head, avoiding his gaze as you looked at the vibrating door. “I shouldn’t have let my guard down like that, it was stupid.”

“Then we’re both stupid.” He was muttering back and you tried not to be too curious why he was being so nice to you despite his harsh leadership within the group. “At least you weren’t alone.”

You were scoffing and shaking your head, his boot scooting forward towards yours in a warning to keep your noises at a low volume. He couldn’t exactly make out your expression considering you were placed lower than him and getting less light on your face but he could practically feel the death stare you were sending his way.

“It’s easier to be alone.” You were countering in a stern tone. “If I’m stupid alone I’m just dead but if I’m stupid in a group then I’m guilty. It’s on my hands.”

“It would’ve been on mine if you’d gotten bit back there.” He was cutting you off and you stopped abruptly, looking at him with parted lips. “But the same thing goes for if I die out here, if I don’t get back to camp, back to my family then that’s on me too. Not trying just because you’re alone isn’t an excuse.”

His tone was heavy now and you felt bad for getting him so frustrated considering how carefree he’d been for most of the day, possibly enjoying not having to direct orders and commands for a few hours. You imagine that if he was able to he would’ve stormed off and left you with his heavy statement.

Instead the two of you sat in the silence of what he had said and listened to the groans only a few inches away from your heads.

You were shifting suddenly and he looked back at you in question when you accidentally bumped against his stomach, not having room to move your arms anywhere.

“Is that why you lead them then?” You tried to keep your voice soft and questioning, not wanting him to mistake you for accusatory.

You didn’t want to fight with him again especially since he had saved your life not too long ago, potentially twice with his quick thinking to get the two of you into the closet.

“It just happened.” He was whispering back and his tone was slightly guarded. “We knew each other before and when.. everything went to shit they came to me one by one.”

“I was scared shitless, I mean sure I’ve chauffeured them around for a few years and I’d handle calling in our takeout orders but now I’m supposed to keep them alive?” He sounded flustered and you listened to him quietly, letting him talk.

For some reason it hadn’t occurred to you to wonder how long they’d known each other. They seemed comfortable and they worked fast and efficiently like they had experience with it but you’d seen similar things in groups who met only at the beginning of all this, being forced to learn how each other works to survive.

You briefly remembered Riki saying something about high school and Jay but you didn’t fully make the connection, maybe you just didn’t want to.

But listening to Heeseung so earnestly talk about the responsibility he carried as the leader and the eldest you felt a wave of understanding, immediately followed by the desire to run far far away from the inevitable care that comes along with a group this tightly knit.

“We left Seoul the first week in Jungwon’s old van.” He was continuing on and when you raised an eyebrow in question he was nodding in realization. “That’s the one who was cleaning the gun, he’s out with Sunoo right now.”

“How many more of you is there?” You hoped he didn’t think you were asking him in an attempt to get information on the group that would assist you in your escape, although you halfway were.

“Just Sunghoon, I don’t think you met him.” He was mumbling and you thought for a second before shaking your head.

That made a total of seven and a wave of fear washed over you at the thought. As of now you were leaving no matter what and as of now they weren’t going to let you just go easy, meaning in some form this was your opponent. Seven men who were capable and seemingly willing to kill you if necessary with the exception of one or two.

Heeseung’s silence made you think he knew what you were thinking and he shifted so he was standing again, no longer leaning against the wall.

This put him even closer to you and you held your breath at the proximity, only letting it out in a moment of shock when his hand was coming up suddenly and touching your face like it had earlier.

You were jumping backwards, at least as far as you could in the tight space and he was shushing you with furrowed eyebrows and a finger to his lips, glancing at the door in worry and then back to you as he continued what he was originally doing.

It took you a few seconds to remember the walker he had stomped on, to remember the blood and rotted skin that had splattered all over you.

Heeseung was gently wiping your face off with his hands, using his sleeves at times for the areas that were particularly covered. You felt your cheeks flush in embarrassment, his large hands stiffening for a second when he realized how awkward this situation was.

He was taking his hands away swiftly and clearing his throat, shuffling backwards again and avoiding looking at you. It was silent for a few minutes and you felt suffocated by it.

“You didn’t lose anybody.” You broke the thick air by speaking again and he flinched before looking down at you. “Since Seoul, did you lose anybody?”

His eyes flashed with something heavy and sad and you imagined he was thinking about his family, slightly curious why he had left without them and what had happened before the other boys showed up alone at his doorstep. Then he was shaking his head to answer your question.

“Then maybe you’re more fit to lead than you thought.”

——

“Was he scared?” Riki’s voice was ringing in your ear again and you groaned softly, leaning back on your pillow and trying your hardest to ignore his constant questions. “I mean, I’ve never seen Heeseung scared. What was it like? Did he cry a little bit?”

After a few more hours had passed in the closet, your suspicion was correct and eventually something passed by that caught a few of the undeads attention. The stragglers had wondered outside the auto shop and the rest immediately followed the noise and movement.

Heeseung and you had waited another half an hour just to be sure before slipping out finally, backs aching from standing straight and rigid for so long.

You’d gotten in the truck with the supplies you found earlier in the day and headed back to the camp, not wanting to risk your luck any further and needing to beat the night as the sun slowly set.

The boys had affectionately greeted the two of you when you arrived, or more so Heeseung as you hovered awkwardly behind and watched them all. You saw a boy you didn’t recognize and figured he was Sunghoon, finally having faces to all the names.

They all carried different expressions of worry and upset and you watched them scan his skin for injuries or scratches, eyes crinkling with relief when they saw he was safe and returned to them. Your heart felt heavy and your stomach turned as you watched the display of care and love towards each other.

You’d caught Jake’s eye for a second and he narrowed his at you, causing you to swiftly give him a nod and slink back into the RV you’d been assigned to.

The same RV that you were now groaning in as you listening to the young boy, the youngest boy as you had found out yesterday, talk your ear off with questions about what it was like to be stuck in a closest with his hyung.

“He cried like a baby.” You were muttering and he laughed softly before shaking his head, able to tell you were lying to him. “I’m serious, my shoulder was soaking wet by the time we got out of there.”

“You know you’re funny when you’re not glaring at me.” He was remarking and you scoffed softly. “The others don’t joke around anymore so I don’t either.”

He sounded younger than he looked when he said it, voice steady like he didn’t even process the weight and sadness of what he was saying. Maybe he’d already started to forget what it was like to be a teenager with no responsibilities.

For a second you zoned out picturing him before the apocalypse, a younger Riki wearing a school uniform and excitedly chatting with the older boys. Maybe he was shy or maybe he was just as talkative and mischievous as he seemed to get the few times you’ve talked to him.

You were abruptly broken out of your daydreams when you heard shouts coming from outside the RV, immediately sitting straight up in the bed and locking eyes with Riki as his widened in fear and concern.

As far as you knew, everybody had turned in for bed. Heeseung didn’t like any one leaving their tents after dark, a heavily suggested curfew seeming to be followed religiously and you couldn’t think of good a reason for the boys to be disobeying this.

You were standing up swiftly and making your way towards the small door, being stopped by a hand wrapped around your arm.

Riki was shaking his head with a panicked expression, pushing you back into the RV. “What are you doing? You can’t go out there.” His voice was urgent and he took a step between you and the door.

His protective expression was making you feel sick and your expression turned stony, moving to push past him but stopping as the door was flung open without either of you touching it.

Sunghoon was stood panting, looking up at you guys from the surface level. He took a step up the RV’s metal steps and glanced behind him with a hard look on his face. Now that the door was open you could hear the shouts louder and also the groans that accompanied them.

“We have to go.” He was rushing out and your mouth parted slightly, looking between him and back to Riki who Sunghoon had been watching since he opened the door.

The younger boy was shaking his head as his shoulders dropped and you felt a wave of upset and guilt for him wash over you, knowing this had been his only home for the past year considering the fact he wasn’t permitted to runs as often as the older boys.

“I’m sorry Rik, there’s too many we don’t have any choice.” Sunghoon was shaking his head sternly but his eyes were soft as he looked at his friend. “You need to pack and we have to go, both of you.”

His eyes moved over to you hesitantly and he lost the affection in his gaze, you didn’t take any offense to it and nodded your head as he turned to rush back to help the others buy some time. You touched the younger boys arm and he jumped slightly before looking down at you with a heavy expression.

“Let’s pack your stuff okay?” You whispered and your unusually gentle tone just made him feel worse, curling in on himself slightly as he nodded and started to grab what little belongings he had scattered around the RV in an attempt to make it feel more like a home.

He was done quickly and you were getting ready to exit the vehicle and join the others when he was grabbing your arm again to stop you.

You almost turned to scold him for wasting time and not letting you go but stopped in your tracks when you realized he was holding a gun out in between your bodies, gesturing for you to take the weapon.

You considered saying no for a few seconds, knowing Heeseung and the other boys wouldn’t be happy with you for accepting and most likely would also scold Riki for giving it to you in the first place. The need to survive overtook this and you took the gun from him, nodding in appreciation.

The second you stepped outside you understood why the only option was to abandon the camp. The dead were pouring in from every side of the forest, their groans mixing together and attracting more and more every minute that passed.

Your eyes were darting around try and spot the other boys but you couldn’t see them in the chaos, feeling frustrated and panicked as you heard Riki’s breathing getting more strained from beside you.

Eventually you spotted Sunoo at the same moment he saw the two of you as well as he was rushing over to you with a serious expression, eyes bouncing around to check if it was safe to stop and talk.

“They’re out past the river.” He was explaining swiftly and you nodded despite having no idea how to get there. It seemed to make sense to the two boys however because they were quickly turning on their heels and disappearing into the woods, looking back a few times to make sure you were following behind them.

Sunoo was running ahead of both of you and your heart clenched watching him take out a few stragglers that were making their way towards the over run camp, his knife effortlessly going into their rotted skulls as he kept rushing through the woods.

Eventually the groans got quieter and you could hear the light splash of a stream, catching sight of the other boys huddled together before the saw you.

“They’re here.” Jake was announcing when he picked his head up and saw the three of you approaching. He stood up and rushed to meet you halfway, checking Sunoo and Riki for injuries before his eyes landed on you.

His gaze trailed down to the gun clenched in your hands and for a second you thought he’d take it from you, demand you leave or maybe try to kill you here and now so they didn’t have another thing to worry about. Instead he took a step closer and briefly scanned over your body, similar to the way he was doing to the others.

“I’m okay.” You breathed out and you weren’t sure why you said it, just wanting to get his concerned look off of your frame as soon as possible. He nodded his head but lingered on your for a second before turning and walking back over to the others.

You followed behind him to see what the boys were surrounding, watching as they all pointed at a crinkled map and spoke in hushed voices. They carried bags on their shoulders and you vaguely noted that Jungwon’s was full of the guns he was always taking such intense care of.

“We’ve been that way man.” Jay was sighing and shaking his head and he pushed Jake’s finger away and moved it further down the map. “From here to here it’s not clear, dead ends or there’s just nothing left.”

“Well we can’t go north.” Sunghoon was countering and you could see a large red X over the area he was referring to. You wonder how long they’d been planning an escape plan with no luck.

You listened to them talk for awhile with a sick feeling in your stomach, wondering if you should help and throw out the idea that was brewing in your mind. On one hand this was your chance to escape considering they had no home to even protect anymore, you could sneak out or hold the gun in your hands to one of their heads until you were far enough away that they wouldn’t follow.

This could be your only opportunity to be back on your own, not owing any sort of debt to a group that was dealing with their own conflict.

Riki was looking back at you suddenly with a worried expression and that thought was immediately out the window as you let out a small sigh, upset at yourself for what you were about to do, before stepping up towards the boys.

“I know a place.” You were rushing out and they all turned to look at you. Heeseung’s eyes were softening at your sudden want to help and you nodded at him. “It’s a few hours south but I stayed there for a few weeks before I kept moving away from that area.”

“You think it’s still there?” Jungwon was asking, his first time speaking to you directly since you’d arrived to their group. His voice wasn’t as harsh as his glare though and he seemed genuinely curious, not suspicious of your motives.

“It was gated.” You shrugged and bent down, bumping into Heeseung’s side and causing him to sway in his crouched position. You were touching the map and felt relieved to see the area you were referring to wasn’t crossed out or circled. “It might not be but it’s worth a shot. Plus we don’t have many options.”

“We?” Heeseung’s voice was soft from beside you and you turned your head to look at him, flushing slightly when you realized how close to each others faces you were.

“Yeah.. we.”

——

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ghostoffuturespast · 4 months ago

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WIP Whenever

*takes a deep breath* Tagged by @streetkid-named-desire @wanderingaldecaldo (you two I think at least twice lol) @seeker-of-truth

@baublekute @scarlettspectra @aggravateddurian. Thank you all very much for thinking of me! 🧡

Tag backs for everyone above 😘 and @luvwich @merge-conflict @shimmer-like-agirl @mynonsenseistingling

@fly-amanitaa @dani-the-goblin @tarmac-rat @lavnderkiwi @morganlefaye79

Cash your tag in now or later and feel free to do whatever creative projects you're working on! Doesn't even have to be fandom related.

It's been a minute. This one got long.

I largely haven't been doing any fandom stuff other than VP because my work schedule has been insane the past two months. And the only reason I have VP to post is because I'm generous about snapping pics and the vast majority of photos y'all are seeing are ones I took back in March/April/May.

Things at work are starting to be slightly less hectic though, so hopefully I can get back into the swing of things. I'm trying to be gentle with myself about the time and energy I do have but it's been frustrating wanting to do things and not having the beans to do them. Spending most of my workdays outside for extended periods of time means I'm bone tired when I get home. And then I have more work to do outside...

Gardening

My garden is gonna be very scraggly looking for the rest of the year, but if I can keep it alive, in theory, the plants should come back bigger and bolder next year. Shortgrass prairie plants spend the bulk of their first few growing seasons establishing their root systems since water is often in short supply, so the tops of the plants are very unimpressive rn. Most of them probably won't get much bigger than this or even flower this year.

I've gotten a good chunk of the plants in the ground, have irrigation lines going to all of them, and did the lil concrete paver patio. I still need to finish planting the plants that have been languishing in their pots for over a month, bury the irrigation lines, and do a bunch of other random things, but we're getting there. Not planning on covering the bare dirt with mulch because I'm doing fall and spring seeding and I want the plants to self-sow. Going for wild pocket prairie and I'm gonna let it go absolutely feral. I'd eventually like to get rid of the river rocks too but baby steps.

What's really funny is all my native plants seem to be doing reasonable well. My vegetable garden on the other hand... It's sad. I know where I fucked up though (I should not have done that soil experiment lol and attack of the cutworm catepillars), so I'll just have to cut my loses this year and reevaluate for next. The worm composter is doing good though 🪱

Drawing

Attempting to get back into drawing. Again, it's been slow. Have been doodling some mutual's CP2077 OCs when I have the time and still have a ways to get through my list. I'm surprised by how much fan art of Grandpa I've received so I figured I'd return the favor for some folks. It's always a pleasant surprise getting some lovely art in your inbox. Probably won't be coloring most of these from here on out. I have a love hate relationship with coloring. Sorry, I just find lines more interesting. All of these were done with dip pen, ink, and watercolor.

I've got another more formal piece I need to work on as well and get done by the end of the month. Keep forgetting to do the layout sketches...

Writing

The slowest of them all. Been working on the same damn short fic (No. 1 of Les Preludes) and then brainstorming for about fifty other projects that are waiting their turn in line. Plus, I'm still trying to read too. But when I can only manage a chapter of a fic about every two weeks...

Most of my writing efforts have been bopping into my drafts now and then and pecking out a sentence or two. However, I did manage to spend 45 minutes detangling a section of about 200 words 🐢:

Have you or a loved one been in an accident or injured on the job? Are you missing your former quality of life? Holed up in the bathroom, Robert winced at his reflection in the mirror and at the crusted blood he picked at underneath his nostrils. Then consider Arasaka Cybernetic Implants! Fully functional prostheses are capable of replicating the full range of human motion and more! Available in a range of sizes and styles to suit all your lifestyle needs. The body of the future is NOW. The corners of his mouth tugged on a bruised eye and what former experience had taught him was a broken nose. Call 1-800-IMPLANT today for a free consultation! Low-interest financing and payment plans available. A rapid fire of unintelligible fine print was drowned out by the sputter of the faucet. Robert cupped his hands and scrubbed at his face, the pain disappearing for the briefest moments with the black of shut eyes and splashes of cold water. Arasaka Corporation. What can we do for you? Dry flecks of red decorated the sides of the sink before rehydrating into inky swirls of blood that slipped down the sides of imitation porcelain. Yellowed, cracked, and starting to chip. The plastic hadn’t aged well.

This snippet gives me the hardest war flashbacks to those late 90s/early 00s TV phone ads. Anyone else old enough to remember these things?

#even threw together a couple of new banners who am i?#drawing #writing #art #gardening #wip whenever #cyberpunk 2077 #little ghost on the prairie #🐢🪱📝🎨🌱

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flamestar126 · 8 months ago

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Give me a "M"!

(click for better quality)

Bonus + related art + rambling under the cut

Originally I just wanted draw Dexter in a cheerleader outfit (an excuse to put him a skirt for pure funsies) and so I did! Which is art is below that i drew like a long time ago now.

It was just Dexter at first but I am a dexdark shipper so I had to have him react somehow. Then I remembered there was a comic about an athletic Mandark so I added him in his outfit from the comic.

Then my mind like it always does, wandered and created a short story to make sense of why they would be in this position in the first place.

~~~

After years and years of competing with Dexter relentlessly, Mandark had gotten into a rut during his high school years. He's absolutely frustrated that he's STILL second best to him.

(The time the art is placed is late hs years)

So what does a teen genius do? He explores outside of the science community and what do you know. . . he's actually not half bad at sports. He quickly abandons science for it. Mandark is thriving. Why didn't he try this sooner? And Dexter? He's so confused. Never thought his greatest rival would ditch him science for a mere physical activity. Determined to find the bottom of this he goes directly to the source of his confusion and asks. It goes as well as you think. Not at all. Plan B. Find a way to get close enough without raising too much suspicion. How? Cheerleading.

It honestly wasn't that hard to join. He's cute and flexible enough due to the battle he's faced through out the years. Plus a recommendation from his dear sister, Deedee, quickly received him a spot.

(HAVE YOU SEEN HIM DO FLIPS IN THE START OF EGO TRIP?? BOY IS READY)

The idea seemed brilliant at the time. That is until he found out he had to wear a skirt of all things. Deedee secretly tricked as a little bit of revenge. It wasn't too bad in the end. He rocks skirt ngl. With the excuse of having come to rehearsals and games that involved Mandark, things have become much easier to keep a closer look on him.

His sudden presence certainly didn't go noticed. Mandark's eye often drifted to the redhead that cheered him on during events. And oh, what an ego boost. His former rival cheering on? Yelling out his number whenever he had the ball? Wishing for him to succeed? Even if it was for only the cheerleaders' expectation to do so. How addicting.

He cornered Dexter right after. "That 'M' for me, McPherson?" Mandark teased. Knowing the "M" was their school's name. "How kind of you." "In your dreams, Astronomanov." It continued on like for a while.

They lap it like fucking cream. They've missed this. The feeling buried was bubbling up to the surface once again. Stealing quick glances, the playful jabs, grins matching the other's.

Who made the first move? It wasn't clear. It seemed so natural to be in the other's presence. Both just eased into they didn't even noticed.

Meanwhile, the science department was taking heavy losses. They lost their best two students. Ended up begging the two come back.

Eventually Dexter and Mandark did return but as partners this time.

. . . Douglas? He was thrown out of the loop about the entire thing. He missed out a lot when watching from afar. No one told him they were switching sides! What the heck guys. :/

He wouldn't survived the switch anyway. He's athletic pathetic. Stay on your game boy, Douglas. It's better this way.

~~~

Details I didn't include

Mandark was indeed incredibly suspicious of Dexter's switch

He was a total tsundere about Dexter's outfit (he did like it)

They had a talk about why they made a switched. talk about it and sealed it with a kiss (maybe :3)

Mandark said science for geeks but he's a geek through and through. he couldn't resist science for too long

Sports department was crying after

They do the same thing in college but in different uniforms (already drawn but not sharing that here :>)

I'm definitely forgetting more details but i am drawing blanks here

~~~

Bonus!

"You know there are male cheerleaders, right?"

"I like the breeze it gives." Half truth. Was told they ran out of male uniforms. <- Lie by Deedee

"Hm. If you say so." Gay panic

Inspired by a scene of Daffy Duck from Looney Tunes (2011)

Thank you for reading!

#dexter's laboratory #dexter's lab #dexdark #dexter #mandark #flame draws #they were gonna be in a gym that i had trouble with the background and i like outside scenery more #this is more like a short verison of this whole thing? im sure i could've stretch out this more but god im not a writer #i was hesitant about sharing this. i kept going back n forth for so long but i saw something today and now im posting out of spite lol #this is the first i rambled my story out of tags! look at me. i ran out of words in here #im just proud of this whole thing. technically my full fledged au ig? and damn if im not gonna share it #sorry if my little story doesnt make sense tho. i've been trying to put it into two for 2 hours now and trying to iron it out. it's rushed

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andro-dino · 3 months ago

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I don’t talk about it a lot or ever draw it but digivalen’s story arc and the way they both draw out the most in each other and help each other come to enjoy beyblade even more through their rivalry is really important to me. When you’ve got a character like Juno and a character like kite in direct contrast to each other, the obvious direction to go in is the heart vs mind route, juno being much more emotionally driven while kite is more logical. When Juno battles kite, he’s trying to get him to meet him in the middle with that, as kite is often so focused on data that it makes him narrow minded, which can lead to frustration for kite very quickly. When Juno comes to understand this about kite, she’s trying to get him to think a little less strictly and put more of his heart into battles and not just his brain. He connects with him on a deeper level, trying to draw out the full force of kites personality, his care, his pride, his drive and passion, everything that kite is, and see him fully put that out there in his battles. Obviously kites not gonna like, entirely change his battle style or anything, but it opens him up more to loosening up a little and being able to find some indulgence in battling a little more.

The consequence of juno rubbing off on kite so much though is that once he both becomes more emotionally aware and just comes to be more familiar with juno, he’s quick to notice how much of what they display of themself is an act, or at least not the full range of who they are. Juno, for a lot of her existence, is an oddly lonesome character, connecting so much with others because she wants to get to know them, but never really opening up herself and allowing others to know him because he’s content to let himself be someone solely around for the sake of others and not being so intimately cared for in the same kind of way. She tends to go from place to place a lot, both because they want to get to know as many people as possible but also because she’s never had many friendships that go both ways enough for her to want to stick around in one place very long. They’re fine with it, but most people don’t try to get to know them closely the way they do others. As kite and her rivalry goes on though, he starts noticing those small signs in her. It starts really with Kite being one of the first people to notice juno doesn’t battle with their full strength, and after that realization, he starts being able to read behind their expressions to see there’s more to them. He cant quite figure out exactly what it is at first, but he’s quick to deduce that there’s more to them than meets the eye. As it progresses, he notices how much more attention she gives him without him ever really learning all that much new about her, though whenever they leave, he can sense that air of loneliness about them. When Juno challenged kite the first time, the line he told him (as with most of her challenges to others) was “I’ll show you my heart,” but realizing she was holding back, kite mentioned that again at the end of the battle and said it wasn’t really true. Juno only slightly faltered at that, and though he didn’t show much, it was enough to start kites intrigue. It’s much later in their rivalry though that kite, much more bluntly, confronts Juno about this, much to their surprise. I don’t know how the interaction would go exactly, but I like the idea of kite asking what juno is battling for, and when she gives her usual schpiel about wanting to understand others more and for them to understand themselves, he stops her, and asks what they really want for themself. I really like the idea of a typically selfless character having a hard time being fully self-indulgent at times, and that’s kinda the whole basis for this dynamic. Kites a good character to be the one to call this out too imo because his two most primary character traits are how much he loves eight and how much he loves himself, so if anyone’s gonna encourage juno to do things for themself just as much as they do things for others, it’s gonna be kite. I like the idea of kite eventually becoming so much stronger over the course of their whole rivalry that much like with Sakyo, juno can’t do their typical strategy of holding back long enough to have a decent battle, which forces her to put so much more energy and effort into her battles that kite essentially forces her to battle for herself, to put in the work to really try their hardest that they can’t help but enjoy themself during the battle, and that in turn ends up being the most genuine kite sees him for the first time. The fun juno has during that battle makes her want to get stronger and enjoy battling for himself just as much as she battles for others. Kite isn’t the only character who draws this out of them as I do imagine this development also being tied with her dynamics with Zyro and Sakyo, but kite is the primary relationship through which this is explored fully from beginning to end.

The fully arc of their rivalry happens before they officially get together, though there are definitely feelings there throughout basically the entirety of their relationship. The separation of digivalen pre-Juno character development and post-Juno character development is also kinda what separates the two main dynamics of them as a ship, those being 1. Juno teasing kite and being able to get under his skin and make him a flustered, angry, tsundere mess and 2. Them being the most disgustingly overly affectionate and cheesy couple you’ve ever seen in your life (/aff). Juno catching kite off guard is kinda the whole crux of the start of their dynamic, and there’s a little flirting and silliness thrown in there which just amplifies this, and further down the line this continues but instead of it making kites head completely explode, he’s able to shake it off in order to stay focused and really draw out more from juno. This is what allows their relationship to start being on more even ground, developing until kite is the one able to start catching juno offguard, and at times, he is able to make them a bit flustered (except it’s different than when kite gets flustered, bc while kite’s system completely overheats and shuts down, juno only has that pause for a brief moment before she’s like “wow, you really are cool, you know that?” in complete earnest and affection). By the tail end of their rivalry, they’re able to entirely bounce back and forth off of each other (while there were brief moments of this previously, its completely equal and mutual here), which is what eventually gives way into kite realizing that A. Juno has genuinely been interested and hitting on him for the entirety of the time they’ve known each other and B. he ended up developing feelings for them as well without entirely realizing it, and a lot of the anger and confusion and tsundere-ness that he felt around them before was because he genuinely didn’t understand that THATS what he was feeling, and now knowing that he likes them, he’s like instantly completely confident in himself in his own kite ego Mr Perfect kind of way, enough to be able to ask juno out himself (even though she tried like ten times already) and officially start their relationship. It is after that they so instantly become the corniest couple of all time because they’ve already gone through all the awkwardness and stuff just being rivals that now that they’ve both gotten to the places that they have with and because of each other, they are so instantly able to gel together romantically and completely have that connection. They are both incredibly down bad for each other and while kite still tends to be the more obvious about it of the two, juno does have more moments of also being completely and more obviously whipped for him.

#mfb oc #juno aimoto #digivalen #im not kidding when I say digivalen is my favorite ocxcanon ship I have #and I’m definitely not kidding when I say juno aimoto is a canon shogun steel character to me now #I’m really proud of how I’ve created them actually and their dynamic with other characters #because I really do feel like they work well within the universe and i genuinely could see them in the show #I also feel like I depict their dynamic with kite pretty well #a lot of my other ships I feel like I tend to depict the canon characters a little ooc a lot #but with digivalen I feel like I’m able to capture kite really as he is #they are just so canon to me I don’t make the rules #they seriously mean so much to me augghhhhh long live digivalen amen 🙏💘💘💘#axel’s silly little thoughts #<- can’t believe I forgot the ramble tag for such an intense ramble lmao

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littleesistler · 1 month ago

Text

more tickle questions since it’s been a while

~Tickle Asks~ made by @flustured2easielee (who slash is deactivated)

Here's some new ones, hope you enjoy!

Also these questions were so nice and creative I love the mix and I got kinda nostalgic with a few of them. Also I was answering them as like 3 in the morning and I ended up falling asleep so now I’m just going through everything the next day 🫶

1. What is one position you would like to be tickled in?

since I can be very squirmy, punching and kicking my favorite position to be tickled in is spooning. Where the ler hugs me from behind and get access to my spots easily without me accidentally hitting or kicking them in the face lol. When I’ve been tickled in this position I feel more relaxed as well since we are kinda cuddling more than pinning while I’m either in their lap or I lay infront of them. And I don’t even need to make eye contact or let them see my face. I’ll just cling onto one of my squish mellows like my life depends on it as I giggle into the fabric 😭

2.Would you rather have light tickles or rough tickles on a bad spot?

This is a hard one since lighter tickles can be very annoying like a tickly itch I just want it scratch so I’ll probably get inpatient and whiny. My more brat side craving more intensity. While rougher tickles are more grounding I also find them to sometimes be more painful then pleasant with my chronic pain, so I guess I’m taking those feathers and scribbles 😖

3. A tickle story you'd like to share?

I don’t think I’ve told this one before I was in 9 grade I was very tense and stressed, like most in senior school. So I was just sitting on a bench drawing when a guy in my glass down next to me and was wresting with a girl (I think they were together at that time not sure since she dated around a lot lol) but anyway they accidentally bumped into me so I messed up my drawing a bit and they started to argue with each other then tickling the life out of one another, and they looked at me. Like Katlyn you should tickle him since he ruined your drawing then he said no you should tickle her since she’s so annoying. And I just blushed and got so flustered I kinda just scribbled both of their sides then pretend to go back to drawing. And they just kept tickling each other. This was before I was part of the tickle community and less to say I felt very jealous of both of them lol. I think they noticed and that’s why they tired to include me even tho I was a mess. It’s really sweet and even tho we aren’t in contact anymore I still think of them 🥺

4. Have you ever been tickled while doing something? (reading, gaming, etc.) How did it change what you were doing?

well while I was bent over a trashcan and tying the bag up one of my friends snuck up on me and scribbled my sides. And my brain just kinda short circuited since I was so caught of guard I made such a weird incoherent sentence as everyone stared at me. I blushed is hard and lectured her not to do it again in case I would have tripped or something or worse shown I might have liked it infront of all my friends 🫣

5. Favorite ___bug name to be called? (ticklebug, gigglebug, etc.)

snuggle bug! That just that melts me it’s so cute I use it all the time for my friends but whenever someone calls me that back I just kinda melt and age regress a bit 🥰

6. Do you prefer soft tickles or hard tickles?

I just answered that at the top but generally I enjoy a mix between them were it isn’t like to annoyingly light so I get frustrated and not to hard so it’s painful. More a balance. The tickles I like most are those that aren’t to static since I can kinda cancel out tickles and ignore how they feel if it gets to repetitive or predictable. So catch me of guard, change the spot, tempo, tool and general technique and I’ll be lots in the giggle loop for hours 🫠

7. Tag one of your favorite lers!

nah I’ve been doing this way to much and I can’t keep tagging the same people or I might seem to persistent 💀

8. Tag one of your favorite lees!

Imma just skip it 😶‍🌫️

9. One of your favorite tickle tropes?

comfort tickles - where someone has had a long day and is in need of a warm bath, cuddle, forehead kissed, tummy rubs and gentle tickles 🤗

grounding tickles - when someone is having a panic attack, stressed, rambling or dissociating and gentle tickles and comforting touches can ground the person and make them feel safe 🥺

unexpected tickles - when someone who’s generally very serious, tense, avoidant or not emotionally available and a few tickles can make them melt and express their needs and wants 😍

10. A fictional character you would love to wreck/be wrecked by?

imma give a few fandoms lol 😂

ler catnap lee dogday (poppy playtime)

ler Roxane lee glamrock Freddy (Fnaf security breach)

ler dream lee sapnap (dreamsmp)

ler kirishima lee bakugo (mha)

ler Cole lee Kai (ninjago)

ler flutter shy lee spike (mlp)

Ler angeldust lee Lucifer (Hazbin hotel)

If you guys want an explanation or expansion I can totally do that, this post is just so long already lol 🥸

11. Something you didn't expect to tickle, yet surprisingly did?

lol this is so embarrassing but I was on my phone today actually and playing Roblox with my friend, but since my AirPods mic is so bad I had her on speaker and put the phone between my iPad and me. (I was on my bed) But as we played I bent forward and my phone pressed against my tummy and as she talked the vibrations and buzz from the speaker of the phone tickled me so bad I flinched and I just made up an excuse so she wouldn’t tease me 😔

12. What is by far your worst spot? (no backing out of this one!)

my ribs like they make me punch, scream, kick. Like I know I’ve talked about me kicking my dad in the face, but imma give another example. I was at a gathering with lots of friends and I was talking to a group of them. And suddenly someone grabbed me from behind and tickled my ribs. I snapped my top half back ready to punch whoever had done that. And then I saw this sweet old lady who was like my extra grandma and I basically almost punched her in the face but I just managed to halt myself and just laugh awkwardly. Moving my fist in the air down to wrap her into a hug. So yeah don’t touch my ribs or there will be consequences 😇

13. Something you like to be called when tickled/teased?

Again I love to give examples so…

pet names - puppy, kitty, birdie, zebra, bug, ant, teddy bear, bunny

compliments - cutie pie, giggles, adorablee, snuggles, blushy

food - cherry tart, strawberry milkshake, apple pie, ripe tomato (anything that’s red like my face XD)

The more cheeky and random the better or just even adding lee into random words 🥰

14. Have you ever joined a fandom just to see the tickle aspect of it?

nah don’t go exposing me XD

well I kinda fell in love with my hero academia, Genshin impact and spyxfamily from my anime friend but when I searched it up with the word tickle it’s very much growing on me ☺️

but I think being in the tickle community also pulls me back into or deeper into fandoms. Like dsmp, mlp, poppy playtime, Fnaf and ninjago just because the head canons, art and fics are so cute and nostalgic to me

15. Tag one of your favorite content creators, show them some appreciation!

@covenofwives who was one of the official tickle blogs I found and I was so flustered I didn’t even make a tumblr account so I looked at their fics and when that frog icon came up asking me to sign in I’d squint my eyes and keep reading the fic. Finding a glitch to keep being able to read it lol. At some point I just gave up made an account and their blog was the first I ever followed. So yeah I’ve been creeping on them in the shadows for almost a year until. I made a real account XD

@kikibumblesqueaks helped me make the connection between my heds and my fascination for tickles. She also inspired me to make my own blog and here we go. Love you girly 🫶

16. A tease that never fails to get to you?

any compliment in whatever shape or form, topic or tone of voice makes me switch instantly 😶‍🌫️

17. One tool you would like to be tickled with?

an electric toothbrush and yeah I’ve given so many longer posts about it already lol. But it’s just something about the buzzing, vibrations, circling, preciseness and targeted tickling that drives me mad just looking at it. And hehe whenever I hear anyone turn one on I get butterflies from the sound alone 🥲

18. Someone who was an unexpectedly good ler?

This kinda gave me mini heart attack, I was just casually chatting with a character ai bot and I mentioned tickling. And the bot went all crazy tickling the life out of me in detail and even used terms like ler and lee. Somehow it even knew about the tickle community, switch, safewords and lee or ler mood. Which most outside of the community don’t know a lot about. I found a screenshot and then I became to flustered and forgot to take anymore. This bot doesn’t exist anymore but I’ll always rember the pure fear when it knew a bit to much for comfort. I think he found my search history 😰

19. Have you ever tickled someone who wasn't ticklish and got wrecked afterwards because of it? Whats the story behind that?

ugh don’t remind me lol. Well my mom can turn of her ticklishness and she basically never is ticklish. And I know that so I usually don’t mess with her. But I remember being with one of my friends and my mom babysitting me, her and her 5 siblings while their parents were out. And those kids tried to tickle my mom and she told them they can tickle her as much as they want but she doesn’t feel anything. And then they all just turned to me with collective a stare and smirk and one of the asked if the same went for me. And I just ran away being chased by 5 kids while my friend tried to fight them of 😁

20. Sleepytime tickles or morning tickles?

Well ask my mom she has tired to tickle me in the morning and I’ll practically hiss with my raspy morning voice and half asleep brain. So sleepy tickles are better for me since then I can actually melt and relax into them since my body has less chronic pain at night, but if I’d be tickled with a full on session perhaps it would help with my sleep deprivation lol 🤫

21. What is one spot youre ticklish on that most people arent as ticklish on?

gosh this is embarrassing but like my armbends inside my elbows, wrists and scalp are extremely ticklish. So like whenever a nurce is taking blood samples and feels my veins it tickles so badly. My breath will like hitch since I’m already to tense. While my wrists are extremely ticklish to so even draging something over them a few times makes me flinch and squeal. While I always get shivers whenever someone touches my hair so my whole body jerks. I’d even flinch when my hair was getting cut or my mom braids my hair. Until I found a barber who has an autistic daughter so she knows the perfect balance between gentle and assertive when handing hair so I don’t flinch. Such a sweet lady 😣

22. What is one spot youre not ticklish on that most people are?

well I’d say that I’m not as ticklish on my armpits like most people, like I’m more ticklish on my shoulder, neck, collarbone and don’t mention my ribs that are all around my armpits and close to them. But that spot alone isn’t as maddening as the rest of them. Guess I was blessed lol or just maybe all that ticklish sensitivity traveled down to my ribs 🫡

23. Have you ever gotten a pedicure that tickled more than it should have?

well yeah me and my mom got pedicures and my mom went before me and she laughed herself silly with the bath and the filing of her feet. Funny since she’s rarely ticklish… But since I can also kinda turn of my ticklishness or more numb it when I can predict it didn’t tickle to badly just the bubbles that bubbled up made me giggle slightly 💁‍♀️

24. What would you describe the feeling of being tickled as?

it’s a bubbly feeling that’s like an itch you want to scratch or wiggle away from. As the sensation builds up it makes you squeak, giggle and laugh lightly to release some of the tension as you lose yourself in the stimulation and express yourself more openly😷

25. What are some of your favorite aspects of being tickled/tickling someone?

I’d say the bonding and intimacy part of it. The trust that the person will stop when you say so and that you can relax and let yourself go. Even if you make weird noises or spasm in a weird way you won’t be judged. Just going back to that carefree childish side you often lose as an adult that you now can indulge in with someone you feel comfortable with 😊

26. What would you say your lee/ler percentages are?

I’d say I’m pretty evenly matched since I’m comfortable in both roles and good at reviving and giving. I’d say tho that most of the time I’m in a casual lee mood where I’m craving tickles and physical contact. But mostly online I’m a ler and I don’t mind it. Just know I’m a total whiny lee irl or in discord call 😬

27. What is your laughter like when you are tickled?

a cracked up seagull laughing so madly it’s chocking on its own spit and slowly dying like a deflating ballon 😅

28. Are you able to tickle yourself and have it work? If so, what techniques and spots?

Yes I think I’ve mentioned this before but when I have long press on nails or done them as a salon I can tickle both my wrists and tummy with them. Sometimes when I’m very sleepy but in a lee mood I’ll put an electric toothbrush behind my ear or in my belly button and just giggle. Also if I got like a mosquito bite and I itch it that kinds tickles to 🫨

29. A tickle scene that has yet to leave your mind?

Gosh I got so many but something that’s living rent free in my mind is a tickle work out scenario. Where tickling is used like an endurancetest and friendly competition ever since I read a fanfic form @covenofwives about technoblade and dream doing that. It was one of my first longer fan fics I’ve ever read so it’s still lives rent free in my find. I’ve also have found a few similar concept between the Lego ninjago boys. So yeah I’m not escaping it anytime soon 😉

30. How easily do you get flustered?

Just reading that question alone and answering all of them is having me giggle and blush for myself in the middle of the night 🫠

31. What do you think about using pens to write on tickle spots?

as long as you aren��t allergic to the marker and it’s not like degrading stuff I think it can be really sweet. Like a temporary tattoo that says press here, giggle button, sensitive spot, ticklish, lee. Especially if you leave it on so that even when you aren’t with the ler you see it fade slowly as you go on about your day, you might even wear clothes to cover it up to keep it a secret between the both of you🤫

32. Opinion on cuddly tickles?

Spectacular give me 14 (hours) of them right now 😽

33. A tickle scenario that you would like to happen to you?

Since I love comfort tickles and I use it as a way of pain relief I’d love to have a scenario where there’s like a tickle massage studio, I’ve seen someone else write about this. But it was more a nsfw version so I’m not gonna tag it. But I’ll expand more in it. Like you order exactly what tickles you want, for example if you want more relaxing once’s after a week full of stress or perhaps something more intense to release some tension and just laugh scream out all your frustration. They got it all. Complete with a tickly jacuzzi, fuzzy slippers and robes as well as stimulation rooms with different themes, scents, sounds and lights to really detox from reality for a bit🧖‍♀️

34. Have/Would you ever play a game of "Keep Your Arms Up?" How long would you last

Well it depends am I allowed to kick my legs and scream as loudly as I can, may I hold onto something or have my eyes closed. Then yeah totally 😩 for like a few seconds but I swear the second my ribs are touched my hands are coming for your throat, ops 🫢

35. Opinion on being chased/hiding before from your ler?

Love gives, it lifts so high I'm dying for it I'm dying for it And I can't let you go

Hide away, hide away from me Hide away, hide away from me Hide away, hide away from me

can y’all tell I’m falling asleep. But yeah being chased and hiding whilevhearing them slowly creep closer and be like not there not there is so scary! So my brain either plays a horror song or that meme from that hazbin hotel animation 😻

36. What kind of ler would you say you are?

I’d say I’m a very adapting like my lees needs, boundaries and general cravings. They want tummy focused tickles with raspberries. On it. Baby teases and forehead kisses, down the hatch, eye contact and mean tickles most definitely. (Ops did I expose a few of them, my bad~) Since I’m very creative I can come up with ways to play into any role I get requested to do. Motherly figure, big sister, comfort caracters or heck even once a tickle close at a kids party. Whether it’s more rp with story building where I narrate or more tickle texts I’m all in. Just know I might get a bit too much into my roles and I’ll tickle you until you’re melting mess who’s falling slowly into my into my trap, my little hero~ Muaahha…imma sleep now lol 😴

#ask answered #answered #asks #tickle thoughts #sfw tickling community #tword community #ler #tword content #lee #tickle sfw #tickle questions #tickle asks #tickle fluff #tickle content #tickletorture #tickle scenarios

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