#when your tags include 'be gay do crimes'

[i-need-of-a-hobby]

i love seeing fic writers put "i dont support jkr!!!!" in their summaries-

like, yeah, i appreciate the sentiment but sweetheart, you're writing wolfstar a/b/o with the tags "background starchaser" and "trans regulus." i wouldn't have assumed you supported a terf sweetie.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

🌈CM Pride Challenge🏳️‍⚧️

The following are prompts including LGBTQA+ PRIDE! Reader, Original Character, Character/Character ships, Gen/Platonic fics are allowed!Please check out the Rules below the Keep Reading.

This event is over (Masterlist of Fics here), but you are welcome to use any of these prompts. If you would like to be added to the existing Masterlist of entries, please check out the Rules below!

General Prompts 🏳️‍🌈

Coming out is so much harder the second time

Describe Character’s first kiss with the same gender

Describe Character(s) spending a day at a Pride parade

The team realizes that A&B were more than roommates

Penelope goes a little overboard on rainbow decorations at Characters’ wedding

Character's marriage mutually comes to an end when they come out... now what?

Character comes out at the same time they announce their new relationship to the team

Character A fears it’s too late for them to live authentically, and B assures them that’s not true

Character A gifts B something colored like their pride flag because “the colors reminded me of you”

Child realizes that not every kid has two moms/two dads and they have a lot of questions about it

Queer characters have a hard time deciding what their child should call them and come up with fun ideas

Character A goes to a LGBT bar with B as a wingperson (or maybe they want them, themselves?)

Anything else you can think of!

More prompts (transgender, assorted, dialogue) below!

Transgender Prompts 🏳️‍⚧️

Character A helps B get their first tailored dress/suit

Character A helps B shave and/or put on makeup

The couple is looking for gender neutral nicknames

Character A buys B specialty gender affirming lingerie

Character is casually referred to with an appropriately gendered nickname for the first time

Characters are renewing their vows and redoing their wedding photos following a coming out

Character A walks in on B wearing a new gender-affirming outfit and surprises them with an enthusiastic compliment

The team throws Character an impromptu first birthday party following their coming out (how did they get a banner so fast?!)

Character A buys B a gender affirming but stereotypical gift (sports jersey, neon pink purse, etc.) that they would otherwise hate (but find absolutely hilarious)

Specific Prompts 💝

[Bisexual] Character gets irritated when people reduce their sexuality to their current partner

[Bisexual] Character A is in a M/F relationship with B and worries that their queer identity will become invisible dating them

[Asexual] Characters explore different forms of non-sexual intimacy

[Asexual] Characters are both asexual but too nervous to tell one another. They awkwardly attempt to have sex but end up laughing at how ridiculous they feel.

Dialogue Prompts 💐

“Are they… flirting?” “Big time.”

“I got to fall in love with you twice.”

“To be seen is to be loved." "I see you.”

“Be gay, do crimes.” “Aren’t you a cop?”

“There is no heterosexual explanation for that.”

“Life is very different once you find your people.”

“Cardinals and hydrangeas can change. Why not you?”

“You're still the person I love. Nothing will change that.”

“We both wear pants. Makes it easier to kick your ass.”

“It’s never felt like this before. I've never felt like this before.”

“I guess it makes sense now why it never worked out with my exes.”

Am I allowed to look at her like that? Could it be wrong when she's just so nice to look at? ("She" by Dodie)

“You can kiss a hundred boys in bars, shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling ... Well, good luck, babe. You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.” ("Good Luck, Babe!" by Chappell Roan)

Rules ❤️🧡💚💙💜🖤🤎

The fic can be a Reader insert, an Original Character, a character/character ship, a platonic ship, or a Gen fic. It can feature any Criminal Minds character. AUs and crossovers are more than welcome.

Tag me in the fic, or send the link to me in a Direct Message. It can be already written, or you can write it for the challenge - I’m collecting both! You can also tag it “#mentioningmargins” which is a tag I track.

The fic can be any genre, but ONLY send me smut if your bio states you are 18+. I DO NOT WANT smut written by minors. Ever. At all. I will check.Platonic ships and pure, fluffy fics are 100% allowed.

Please include Content Warnings and a one-sentence Summary of the fic in your post.

Have fun!

🌈Happy writing! 🏳️‍⚧️

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Gay wrongs tournament, round 2.5 of the major bracket

Propaganda:

For Eddie Brock and Venom:

I'm pretty sure its Canon in the comics and like, Canon adjacent in the 2nd movie??? Idk I just watched the first one sooo, anyways, this isn't propaganda i just couldn't remember if you said they needed to be Canon so I put what I rembered about that here, idk I'm proboboly just gonna send the propaganda in the ask box at a later date 

They eat people:) venom is an alien symbiote and Eddie is the host and they have melded together into one being. They care for and protect each other and are so intimately intwined they are only ever separated by force. Also they’re both absolute disasters and they periodically bite and eat the heads off their enemies. 

They eat people <3 

For Will and Hannibal:

Ive previously only heard the term "murder husbands" refer to hannigram so it feels flitting. The whole series culminated with a murder they did together bathing in blood. 

The show and ship that coined murder husbands. It’s in the text in s3 from a journalist side character. They do Many murders either together or as a message to each other. Usually this involves turning the dead body into an art piece. The show ends with them killing a guy together in a slo mo scene backed by porno music.

They're both batshit and manipulative.

ALRIGHT so they're not canonically together but it is HEAVILY implied and they have some sort of fucked up psychosexual obsession with each other. in the later parts of the show they start committing murder and cannibalism together and they're soooo unhinged but it's awesome

kill people for each other. maim each other. kill people together. most batshit insane metaphors. send each other to jail. ruin everyone’s lives. someone can probably say this better than me but these gay people are insane

Literally THE murder husbands. They kill for each other. They've tried to kill each other. They're canon in all but name, like the homoeroticism between these two is the driving force of the show.

one time hannibal folded a guy into an origami human heart

They are in love and they kill and eat people. They are called Murder Husbands in canon.

The original murder husbands (literally, that's not just their ship name, they get called that in canon)

The show begins with Will working for the FBI and trying to catch Hannibal, but because Hannibal is so intrigued by the way Will is able to see the world and the motives behind the killings so easily, it becomes a game of Hannibal isolating Will even more from the people around and seducing him to try and kill. By the time Will starts embracing the side of him that Hannibal sees, he starts oulling back and trying to distance himself so that when the time comes for Will to fully embrace himself and Hannibal, no one really suspects what they have planned. 

hannibal literally does murder as courtship and it works bc will is also a fucked up little guy

I'm actually quite offended they aren't included by default (joke). They are THE murder husbands!!!!!! (mod note: they should have been, but I wanted to see how many submissions they'd get. They got 19, making them a little more than 6% of total submission count).

do i have to say it. they literally get called murder husbands IN THE SHOW

There are 3201 works for Hannibal on ao3 tagged Murder Husbands. They are the ogs, they are the pioneers we owe it all to them.

THEE murder couple. You know it. I know it. They commit crimes at each other as courting and then commit crimes together and then fall off a cliff to wash up somewhere and live on to serve cunt. Get referred to as 'murder husbands' in canon. What more do you need

Hannigram were literally called Murder Husbands in canon, they are the og, they are THE blueprint. They were gay as hell and comitted so much murder so many crimes. THEY RAN OFF TO EUROPE TOGETHER.

[mmmichyyy]

🌸 gallavich fic rec list 🌸

welcome to my 2023 fic rec list! i went through my ao3 bookmarks and my tumblr tags from this year so here's some (not all, or else this post would go on forever) of my fave (new & older) one-shots, completed multi-chaps, wips & ficlets <3

make sure to check out my 2021 list & my 2022 list ! since i'm not going to include fics i've mentioned before in this year's list :)

& don't forget to check out @gallavichfanficlibrary @gallavich-fic-club @gallavichthings @thegallavault for more recs plus @galladrabbles & @gallavichmeta too ✨ let's go!

one-shots:

doesn't matter where we go by @heymacy (The boys take a road trip.)

to think that we could stay the same by teatrolley (post-breakup au, but Mickey gets out of prison, Caleb doesn't exist, and we get really into their past and Ian’s (struggling) head)

of going home by @lalazeewrites (Valiant has taken the greatest fall from grace the superhero world has witnessed in years. The Shrike is an unregistered vigilante who doesn't even ping the radar of Chicago's crime fighting scene. Ian is forcibly put on leave from his job and returns to the Gallagher house, a failure all over again. Not only does he not know what Mickey does when the world goes dark, he doesn't know that Mickey is still living southside at all. Not since the events of eight years ago.)

quiet by @babygirlmickey (In the quiet of a perceived absence of scrutiny, Mickey can be incontrovertibly tender. Or: 5 times Mickey lets his guard down, as observed by various third parties.)

all i need in this life of sin (is me and my husband) by literatii (As embarrassing as it might be, Ian is not only his husband but also his best friend, and Mickey is pretty damn okay with that. Why the fuck would he find other people to do the exact same shit with that he already does with Ian, minus the fucking, when he can just do that shit with Ian plus the fucking? It makes no sense. Or: Ian wants the two of them to have more friends. Mickey doesn’t.)

thirteen hours by @crossmydna (Ian has known for thirteen hours that he’s not crossing the border with Mickey, so he makes the most of the time he has left with him.)

queen of decatur by jaxington (“How’d you know that?” Ian asks, smelling chum in the water, the observant little fuck. “Not like your brothers are getting sent to lady prison all that often.” Mickey thumbs at his lip, trying to find a way out of this conversation. It probably wouldn’t be too hard to distract Ian just by taking of his pants, but he is trying this new thing where he actually tells Ian what’s going on in his head. “No.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “It’s my mom.”)

like strings of fire by @gardenerian (mickey finds a safe and colorful way for ian to indulge himself when hypersexuality rears its ugly head.)

the needle and the burning body by squash (jesuisgourde) (Mickey had two burning torches for hands but he knew what to do with them. Ian's head was on fire and all he knew was how to run and keep running. How to find a cliff and jump off. How to make Mickey chase after him, again and again. And in a cold cell in prison, Mickey catches him.)

some fucked up romcom by godisthedice (Two years after they locked him up, Mickey told himself that he was done with Ian fucking Gallagher for good. Two years as a free man and he's marrying him for all the wrong reasons.)

when the sun goes down by @sam-loves-seb (super cute and fluffy lifeguard au!)

lava java by @stocious (He's being really unprofessional. Mickey might not even be gay. He might be hitting on a straight man through takeout cups.)

here's to hoping i'm not what kills you by @crestfallercanyon (After a confrontation gone bad, Mickey and the Gallaghers get Ian to the hospital. And look, Mickey always knew that if the Gallaghers had a will they'd find a way, but being roped into their schemes himself wasn't something he'd planned on signing on for. All the Gallaghers need to know is Mickey's helping out because he's not pure fucking evil. They don't need to know Mickey was scared shitless when Ian got knocked unconscious, Jesus, he can barely admit that to himself. Once Mickey knows Ian's not dead and not dying, he's out of there. Except he can't bring himself to leave.)

to the thawing wind by @gardenerian (Living and working in the icy chill of an endless winter, Ian and his family are assigned to work the farms to bolster food supply. They live quietly enough, following the rules, until Mickey and Mandy Milkovich (with all their secrets) are moved in across the road.)

i'll come meet you where you are by @crestfallercanyon (Mickey comes back from prison with a ring of vicious bruises around his neck and an edge to him Ian doesn't recognize. But he came back. He came back, and now it's time for Ian to meet him halfway.

closing in walls and ticking clocks by c_cups_bitch_u_wish (So, this is happening. Mickey is sitting in the corner of the bedroom on the comfiest fucking chair he’s ever sat in, and his adult self and adult Ian are about to fuck. And he’s going to watch. What's most odd is that this doesn't even feel like the weirdest thing to happen to him today.)

a spark of fire by @lingy910y (“You wanted us to finally have some time alone. You wanted to keep me safe, but you didn’t really care as long as we were together. You didn’t want it to end.” Mickey swallows a lump in his throat. “I…I don’t fuckin’ know.” “But can I, uh, ask you something else?” Ian rubs his thumbs together. “You like me, Mick. You fucking like me.”)

flip fuck? by @gallawitchxx (Mickey’s always thought that Valentine’s Day was fucking gay. But then some dramatic, ginger fuckhead had to move into the room next to his, and steal his hole, his heart, and the attention of his tumblr mutuals. Mickey decides to keep it lowkey when he asks Ian to spend the evening together: You wanna hang out on Tuesday? Ian’s response is quick and gives absolutely nothing away: Sure thing! That big-dicked idiot better remember it’s fucking Valentine’s Day.)

completed:

prelude motel by @whatthebodygraspsnot (When Mickey’s secret spot is infiltrated by an intriguing stranger, all the warning signs are there. Despite the voice in the back of his head telling him to disengage, he can’t help but bite off more than he can chew, running straight back to the spot and the stranger when a job leaves him injured. Enter: the Prelude Motel - where, for the next three days, Mickey finds himself hiding from more than just his pursuers.)

garden song (series) by @gardenerian (two gorgeous fics about ian's bipolar, about hope, healing, and tomatoes)

better by anomalously (It's been ten years since Ian's seen Mickey.)

in your love by @sgtmickeyslaughter (Mickey had been out of prison for 2 years and Ian never would have known until they ran into one another on a random night in May. Ian fights for the love they shared while Mickey fights for the life he built, as they both struggle with shame and guilt from their shared past it becomes clear that they cannot help but be drawn to what is bright and beautiful between them.)

whumptober 2023 (series) by @sam-loves-seb (21 beautiful fics of angst & hurt/comfort)

out of nowhere by @suzy-queued (Ian should have never offered to hide his father's stash of gold. Now he's stuck living on a deserted piece of land in the woods, alone, losing his sanity. Mickey wants nothing more than to disappear — from prison, from his family, from the entire world. If only he knew where to get his hands on a cool million. The Gallagher gold. Mickey wants it. Ian will do anything to protect it. Who will cave first?)

all these things i have left to say to you by @crestfallercanyon (After all this time that Ian's been missing, he leaves a tape recorder on Mickey's pillow. And on it? An hour of pure, unfiltered, Ian audio that is all, apparently, dedicated to him.)

wips:

keys to my heart by @milkovichrules (Ian finds his stable college life getting difficult when a new neighbour moves into the dorms.)

intro to quantum dating by @spoonfulstar (another college au) (one of my fave fics of all time!!)

the ink is a witness to this by @palepinkgoat (six chapters about the stories tattoos can hold and hide.)

order up by @heymacy (Ian and Mickey work together at a Chicago diner. They like to push each other's buttons - all their buttons. How long until the dam finally breaks?)

second chapters by @squidyyy23 (When Mickey’s PO assigns him a job at the local library, he’s pleasantly surprised—not that he’d ever admit it. Practically lived in the prison library, and what better way to start his new life than with a career he might actually enjoy. And when he meets the charming, clever, utterly fuckable, redheaded children’s librarian, well, shit just keeps getting better and better. Mickey’s definitely not interested in anything serious right now, but what’s the harm in a little fun?)

electric blue by @goodkwuestion (Paramedic Ian Gallagher knows true love exists. He's not going to settle until he finds it either, no matter how much his friends and family roll their eyes at him. Mickey Milkovich, on the other hand, isn't sure about all that stuff. He's an engineer with a long to-do list, and chasing rainbows isn't on it. He'll never say no to a good time and a pretty face though. When they meet, it will feel like kismet, something inevitable that neither of them can shake. Honestly though, who would want to? Falling in love can be the easiest thing in the world, especially when the whole universe is rooting for you... That's if the whole universe is rooting for you.)

ficlets:

all of @heymrspatel's drabbles, especially this one of ian being self-conscious about his body

docks scene & birthday suit gardening ficlets by @metalheadmickey

all of @lupeloto's sweet & domestic ficlets

@sam-loves-seb's meta about ian being the moon and mickey being the sun

ian's birthday ficlet & 31 ways we never meet (a.u.gust 2023 ficlets) by @callivich

airport confessions by @dynamic-power

gallavich drabbles by @whatthebodygraspsnot

all of @howlinchickhowl's a.u.gust 2023 ficlets!

(if you made it this far, i also write fics occasionally too so here's a self-promo lol)

[bekkachaos]

✨ Bekka's Buddie Fic Recs ✨

I just thought it would be nice to do some fic recs for some of the wonderful creators in this fandom because there is literally so much talent it blows my mind that these beautiful people are out here giving us pieces of their beautiful brains 💕

Long fics and AU fics

☀️ Kiss Me Before it's Over (if only for a Minute) by @buddierights aka the Baseball AU (Rated E, 54k words). Buck and Eddie are pro baseball players on opposing teams, and Buck never gets nervous getting up to bat, until Eddie Diaz, the new star pitcher for the LA Angels, is standing on the pitcher's mound, and his stomach flips and twists. He's pretty sure it's because he hates the guy, until, you know, he doesn't. {I love this fic, it's such a beautiful kinda enemies to lovers ride that you will love every sweet and sexy moment of}

☀️ Let My Ink Stain Your Pages by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels aka the Castle AU (Rated E, 107k words). Buck is a professional crime fiction writer in need of a new muse. Eddie is an LA homicide detective, and the last thing he needs is to be followed around by a reckless author. A sexy six foot plus mystery writer who he absolutely does not find charming and attractive. But when Buck decides that Eddie would make the perfect muse for his new book, that's exactly what Eddie gets. {I might have read this fic 3 times, it's one of my absolute favourites and you better believe I will go back and read it again}

Stupid People by @gayhoediaz (Rated E, 160k words). Eddie is new in town in LA, and he's just come to terms with the fact that he's gay. He figures that hiring a sex worker is the easiest way to explore that side of himself and keep it separate from his son and his work, to keep things uncomplicated. And that's how he finds his way to Buck. His plan works, for a while. {This was one of the first buddie fics I read, and it is an epic sexy, moving, emotional fic that I thought about for so long after, honestly I recommend anything that Nie writes!}

Unless You Ask Me To by @elvensorceress (Rated M, 182k words, in-progress). Eddie starts dating a man, and Buck is completely, one hundred percent Fine(TM). This is a beautiful fleshed out journey of a fic. {I believe one of the tags is 'the most oblivious obtuse pining idiots you will ever meet' and the accuracy of this is insane, I can't wait for the last chapter!}

☀️ never felt this way before (yes I swear) by @rewritetheending aka the dirty dancing AU (Rated M, 50.8k words). Buck and his family go on vacation to the 118 ranch and lodge, where Buck meets a number of new people including Eddie Diaz, and he's pulled into the world of the one-eighteen in a way he never expected, and learning to dance from the most beautiful man he's ever seen. {What more do I have to say other than dirty dancing AU? This fic is amazing from start to finish and so so hot!}

Explicit fics

Bases Loaded by @lamardeuse (Rated E, 2k words). Eddie wants to take things slowly, and Buck obliges him. {It's a sexy slow build between the two of them and just sucks you right in!}

More bang for your buck by @prettyboybuckley (Rated E, 14.2k words). Eddie's got a problem with a noisy neighbour, only, he can't exactly confront him because how do you knock on someone's door and say 'you have the loudest sex I've ever had the pleasure of hearing through the wall'? Because it is, a pleasure, the sound of him is just doing things to him. And then he finds the guy's twitter, and then his Instagram, and he is too far down the rabbit hole to back down. {This is hot the whole way through, and Buck testing toys and posting online? Spicy hot content!}

I lit the match, the firemen can do the rest by @honestlydarkprincess (Rated E, 6.6k words). Eddie needs to see Buck, so he drives over to his place to see Buck getting railed by Natalia with a strap on, and he can't look away, especially when Buck comes just by Natalia mentioning Eddie's name. When she leaves, Eddie feels the need to prove that it's even better when he takes things into his own hands. {This is Eddie pining for Buck and then getting to have him, all to himself}

☀️ today I live for a single drop of you by @alyxmastershipper (Rated E, 38.9k words). This is the 5 + 1 blowjob fic, five times Buck dreams of sucking Eddie's cock and the one time he gets to do it. Nuff said {Ryan just has such a beautiful lyrical way of writing that they can make an epic fic about blowjobs poetic, a masterpiece}

More AUs

mark me like a bloodstain by @monsterrae1 (Rated M, 6k words). A fic where your soul marks appear on your skin when they appear on your soulmate, when they are badly injured. Buck's first marks show up in college, and his first thought is that his soulmate is dead. He doesn't figure it out until his best friend is shot in front of him, and then he realises it's been Eddie all along. {I love soulmate fics and I love the shooting arc, and this fic is just so wonderful from start to finish}

and I'd choose you (in a hundred lifetimes) by @monsterrae1 (Rated E, 16.7k words). Eddie and Buck are pen pals when Eddie is in the army, and god it shouldn't have been so romantic, but he got Evan Buckley. And he thought maybe he might just be the person he spends the rest of his life with, until he completely disappears. Four years later, they meet again, only Buck has no idea who Eddie is. {did I include another Rae fic? Yes I did, because this one was just too good to leave out}

☀️ all I know is a new found grace (all my days I'll know your face) by @heartbeatdiaz aka the photographer Buck AU (Rated E, 4.5k words). Eddie is participating in the annual firefighters calendar, and the photographer is stupidly beautiful. Like, crazy gorgeous with big blue eyes and a smile that makes Eddie's palms sweat. {Photographer Buck is just such a beautiful thing to imagine, and honestly you could hit shuffle and pick any of April's fics and you're bound to love it}

even gods die by @kitkatpancakestack (Rated T, 7.6k words). This is quite a heavy fic, Buck has brain cancer and he and Eddie are at a cabin together talking about his diagnosis and how they feel about it. It's angsty with a hopeful ending. {This is a beautiful, emotional fic and it moved me so much to read. Not for everyone, but wow was this amazing}

Fun, Flirty and Fluffy fics

☀️ To have and to hold (what's mine is yours) by @the-likesofus (Rated G, 3.3k words). It's Buck and Eddie's one year anniversary (paper). Eddie gives something Buck has had all along, that last piece of his heart. {This is such a heartwarming Buckley-Diaz family feels fic and made me smile so hard}

Everything But (temptation) and Worth the Wait by @spotsandsocks (Rated T, 4.7k & 5.4k words). Five times Buck is tempted by Eddie and the one time he finally gives in, or, five times Eddie attempts to tempt Buck and the one time it finally works. {These fics are from Buck's pov and then Eddie's, and they were so much fun to read both times!}

smile to hide the truth by @fallingthorns (Rated T, 5.1k words). Eddie is getting married, only it's not to Buck. And Buck should really say something, should have really said something earlier. Because now Eddie is standing at the altar, only he's staring back at Buck and asking what would make him happier. {This isn't exactly fluffy but god the anticipation and the build up to that wedding, and the ending? You won't regret this read, I loved it}

still by @gayhoediaz (Rated T, 9.3k words). Based on an episode of Castle (are you sensing a theme here?) where Eddie steps on a plate in a house where they've just put out a fire, and he just knows that he's stepped on a pressure bomb. Buck refuses to leave him standing there alone while they figure it out, but time is literally ticking for them. {These two just fit the Caskett shoes perfectly, and this was tense, emotional and just a wonderful read}

between who you are and who you could be by @paranoidbean (Rated T, 5.6k words). Eddie is working at a plasma donation centre, and Buck just keeps coming back in, after making an impression the first time by passing out. {This is an adorable meet cute that just made me feel fuzzy inside}

(tell the gravedigger) better dig two by @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy (Rated G, 7.2k words). In which Eddie is buried alive, and Buck loses his mind with worry and grief. Basically a missing part to Eddie Begins. {This was a beautiful exploration of Buck's emotions as he's afraid he's lost Eddie}

I hope you all enjoy these fics as much as I did, just wanted to spread some love and appreciation 💕

[violant-apologia]

OC SMASH OR PASS

Rules: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc).

I was tagged by @esteemed-excellency (poll: x) honestly nobody is going to get more smash votes than hiram. it's just not possible (also thank you so much!!!!)

(art by ScribbleSpecters, @sunlessveils, and @letters-of-fire respectively!)

Name: Briar Hathaway, the Violant-Scrawling Apologist Age: 32 Gender: Male(?) Sexuality: Demipansexual (in modern terms)

🪶 Propaganda for:

Believes in the best you! (he will justify your crimes and also have your criminal record removed)

Long hair.

Rich! He will buy you things!!!

Will write poetry about you.

Excellent dancer. (he and hiram should dance sometime)

Will duel you! Or duel someone else for you! Or watch you duel someone else and give you pointers!

Owns a pigeon he will let you pet.

Will wear what you ask him to and be bashful when you compliment him.

🚩 Propaganda against:

Prone to flusterment if come onto.

Will take a while to properly open up to you.

Pretty inexperienced, all things considered.

Teeth occasionally go walkies. (...maybe this could be a pro? i don't want to think about that too hard)

A bit of a sycophant.

He may compliment you so eloquently that it starts a fire.

Hope you're ready for Wrathful Jealousy from a Large Bat!

One Million Stairs at his place. Will not go to your place.

He does not have time for dating if it doesn't contribute to the enternal spycraft war between light and dark (he is on the side of light)

i have completely lost track of who on flumblr has or has not been tagged in one of these so far, so if you see this and haven't been, do a poll! tag me in it too, i want to see!

[lifeafterartsch00l]

✨ Sns rec’s ✨

I read a fabulous post from @longlivefeedback about supporting authors so I thought I’d try and give it a go since I’m constantly looking through the Naruto/Sasuke tag 🙊 I’m going to try and make a new habit and post once a week with my sasunaru/narusasu/sns (and maybe other pairings/fandoms) recs!

Some awesome fics I’ve been enjoying on a03 lately include:

Finger on the detonator by foreverbaby

Twelve Steps by foreverbaby

An anchor in the storm by cecific

don’t act like it’s a bad thing (to fall in love with me) by heartsugu

What counts for anything by kayeeyooblue

Solis occasum by wouldyoukiindly

Konohamaru wanted to rest by anaria_k

Thank you talented authors 😊 I don’t think I’m following any of these authors on tumblr 🤔 but I’ll look for them! 🤗 please tag them in the comments if you know who they are!

Read below for details on fic recommendations ⬇️

Finger on the detonator by foreverbaby

Im so happy i finally found this author! I started with Finger on the detonator but Twelve Steps really spoke to me and my own feelings/experiences with a difficult childhood. And making art! I love how sexy and meta and healing and radical they are. I’m excited to read more from this author ❤️ Multiple chapters.

“Chapters: 2/?

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Shimura Danzou, Hyuuga Neji, Sai (Naruto), Juugo (Naruto)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Activism, High School, Military Backstory, Politics, Teenage Rebellion, Partners in Crime, Gay Uchiha Sasuke, Crack Treated Seriously, Anarchy, Making Out, lazy US-specific setting...sorry, Wet Dream, Breaking and Entering, Minor Injuries, Closet Sex, Frottage

Summary:

uzumakiswag: this might b kinda weird but like i just got back from my deployment and stuff and i saw u on the kwp direct action discord when i joined that? and i was gonna go to a meetup but idk anybody else there yet sooo do u go to those? wld u want to go together next week? hahaha

taka99: That's a joke right

uzumakiswag: no y is that funnyp

taka99: You’re literally in the US military

It's totally normal to engage in a little gay domestic terrorism just to impress your crush...right?”

Twelve Steps by foreverbaby

“Chapters: 3/3

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, minor past naruto/sakura and sasuke/suigetsu

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Hoozuki Suigetsu, Haruno Sakura

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, POV Alternating, Alcoholics Anonymous, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Addiction, Homophobia, Light Angst, sasuke vapes, criterion channel and chill, Blow Jobs, Shower Sex, Friends to Lovers, naruto's bi awakening, sasuke's issues

Summary: One day at a time, they always said. But for Sasuke every single day was exactly the same: serving the same gruff truckers the same greasy pancakes and eggs, heading to the same gym to do the same workout, going home to stare at the same half-formed Final Draft document, then waking up the next morning to do the same thing all over again. Was that really one day at a time, or was it more like one single hellish stretched-out day that dragged on endlessly and forever? And what exactly was the point of staying clean when that was your reward?

Everybody told Naruto after Sakura called off their engagement that what he needed was a “fresh start.” Naruto’s fresh start had so far consisted of a new city where he knew nobody, a park ranger job that paid him sub-minimum-wage, an empty studio apartment in a part of town not yet gentrified enough to be out of that price range, a lot of lonely Skyping with his friends, and, now, apparently, an A.A. meeting at a Quality Inn.

When Naruto moves away from his hometown after a breakup, he's surprised to see someone he recognizes at his first A.A. meeting in a new city: his childhood best friend, Sasuke Uchiha”

An anchor in the storm by cecific

One shot, contemporary au, poem. POV from Sasuke. I haven’t read any poems before for sns! Lovely, great ending 🥹💗 the author says their English is bad but I truly think no apology is needed because i think their English is great and hell I only speak English and can’t write poetry!

“Chapters: 1/1

Rating: General Audiences

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Idiots in Love, Uchiha Sasuke Needs a Hug, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Falling In Love, slow burn but it never actually lights on fire, Sasuke's mother is dead, Sick Character, Soulmates

Summary: Sasuke's on a blind date set up by his father, his date is late so a young bright man keeps him company.. It feels like a fated encounter between the two.

Essentially a poem that tells a story. Also sorry, English is my first language and yet I'm horrid!”

don’t act like it’s a bad thing (to fall in love with me) by heartsugu

One shot. Sweet n spicy, my fave combination! 🍭🔥 I really loved how Naruto was written here & that it’s Sakura positive 😊 I really hope this author writes more sns 🤞😍🤞

“Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 Ensemble (Naruto), Yamanaka Ino, Hatake Kakashi

Additional Tags: POV Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke Returns to Konoha, Blank Period (Naruto), Haruno Sakura is So Done, Background Relationships, Mild Hurt/Comfort, mostly fluff tbh, Bad Humor, Emotional Constipation, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 Shenanigans (Naruto), Mutual Pining, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke are Best Friends, Domestic, Making Out, Love Bites, Resolved Sexual Tension, No beta we die like Neji, Everyone Is Gay, Self-Indulgent, Minor Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino

Summary: He hadn’t meant for it to get this bad, but being back in Konoha had shown him how dull his world was without Naruto.

Being dragged around on dumb errands, or training together, or even just sitting around and watching the sunset had given Sasuke peace of mind he hadn’t ever known. He felt like himself again, and Naruto was the cause.

Naruto was his home.

5,000 words of sns word vomit because this is what makes me happy these days idk”

What counts for anything by kayeeyooblue

I love how in this fic Sasuke gets to try normalcy and be an awkward teen! 😭 ❤️ great dynamic between Sasuke & Naruto (I really enjoyed reading about their developing relationship) & also spicy 🔥

“Chapters: 12/?

Rating: Not Rated

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Hatake Kakashi, Tsunade (Naruto), Haruno Sakura, Nara Shikamaru, Uchiha Itachi

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Slow Burn, Coming of Age, Soft Uchiha Sasuke, Sexual exploration, First Kiss, First Time

Summary: months after the 4th war, sasuke and naruto meet again. except now they have time”

Solis occasum by wouldyoukiindly

Reading this was like a fresh breath of air! I loved how the characterisation felt very true. I hope they do more chapters! 💗🙏🏽Canon divergent Boruto-era.

“Chapters: 1/?

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Hyuuga Hinata

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Hyuuga Hinata

Additional Tags: Old men naruto and sasuke find out they're gay in their 30s, Hokage Uzumaki Naruto, Co-Parenting, Divorce, more tags when i write more!, Hinata is Naruto's best friend, Sakura is Sasuke's best friend, Domestic Fluff, Naruto has ADHD, sasuke has autism

Summary: After becoming Hokage, Naruto notices that despite it all, he's had no time to hang out with his best friend. He never realized how much he missed Sasuke's attitude, demeanour, and all around being; he hasn't felt this way about anyone before.

It's always been Sasuke, hasn't it?

And maybe that realization will be the very end of him.

(Naruto and sasuke realize they're gay in their 30s and divorce their wives, who in turn, realize they are also gay and everyone is friends and co-parents. yessir.)”

Konohamaru wanted to rest by anaria_k

Cheeky, sexy, & Konohamaru POV! One shot. I love looking at sasunaru fanart and I love it when clever authors make fanfic inspired by it (author links the art which helped inspire the fic). 😋🫶🏽 one shot

“Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Sarutobi Konohamaru, Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke

Additional Tags: Comedy, Post-Canon, Post-War, Blank Period (Naruto), Post-Fourth Shinobi War (Naruto), Drabble, Pre-Slash, Semi-Public Sex, Third Wheels, Konohamaru sees something he wasn't intending to see, Hot, Dirty Thoughts, Pre-Relationship, Canon Compliant, Not a Date, Idiots in Love, Boys In Love, everyone can see it, Konohamaru does for sure, Sexual Tension, also Konohamaru might be accidentaly bi

Summary: Konohamaru returns from a mission to the village and, finding himself in a bar, accidentally witnesses a very non-accidental scene. He doesn't like it. Although?…”

🍥+🍅=❤️

[romana-after-dark]

Blessed be the Fruit: Chapter 4

Commander!Joel Miller x Handmaid!Reader

Series masterlist Join dark!Romana's tag list Dark!Romana's Masterlist

Summary: Joel fills you up. That's it. Thats the fic.

AN: It's pretty much smut

Content and Warnings: DARK JOEL! DUB CON!

Although no violent rape happens like in TWW, reader is under systemic misogyny and a society of ritualized sex abuse. Everything other than the violent rape scenes, everything that happen in either The Handmaids Tale book or show are liable to happen here including but not limited to discussion of rape, child abuse, child marriage, ritualized sexual abuse, sexual abuse in general, acts of violence, major character deaths, mentions of miscarriage but never shown and never pregnancies we know of. Big ole homophobia warning, specifically in regards to lesbophobia. As for Joel, PIV sex, breeding kink, degrading (slut, whore etc but thing like Raider!joel) forced breeding and breeding kink, power dynamics, Joel is not the good guy but he’s also not the worst, slightly rough sex but not violent. Warnings are liable to be added as the story goes but I’ll always update. As always if I miss something please tell me, but i extensively label my warnings and in the end media consumption is your own choice. If you would like to know if this is a happy ending or not you can message me and I’ll tell you that way I don’t spoil for everyone but you can decide if this is for you.

Immersability: Reader has long hair, can conceive children theoretically.

Additional warnings: SMUT CHAPTER spanking, spitting. BREEDING KINK, Joel insulting his wife tee hee. Gina slander.

Support writers, reblog and leave comments!

*****************

In Gilead, women were segregated by color. Pink was for child girls, white was for unmarried but marriage age women. This phase never lasted long. As soon as they were married, the wives of commanders got blue and wives of working women got green. Martha’s had tan, Aunts had brown, Handmaids red.

These colors were never supposed to mix, with the exception of the ceremony and when a mother or martha parented a child.

But you watched as Ellie’s white and Riley’s blue entangled together, but separating to their rightful distance.

“It’s not what you think!”

“We were just-”

Thinking fast, you shut the door to the panty, giving privacy in case Gina or Thomas come looking for you. “What the hell were you thinking!”

Ellie blinks up at you, surprised by the reaction, but Riley was still in panic mode, trying to protect Ellie. “She didn’t do anything, I swear, I just got caught up and tried to kiss her but she didn’t kiss me back!”

That was a lie, Ellie had been quite involved in the kiss.

“I don’t care that you were kissing!” You hiss.

Ellie narrowed her eyes. “You seem like you care.”

“I care because  if it had been Gina or the other Mrs. Miller, or commander Bedford or Lisa! You could be on the wall!”

She paused, watching your reaction before talking slowly, Riley slightly hyperventilating to her right. “Does that mean your… not going too…”

“Of course I’m not, jesus, you guys are just kids…” Truthfully, you didn’t know much about being gay outside of Gilead propaganda but you thought execution was awfully strong a punishment… and even still, Riley was only 16, and Ellie 14. There wasn’t much of a crime that could justify harming them. Ellie was trouble, that much was obvious, and it would take every resource Commander Miller had to keep her alive. You would be joining him and his brother in this attempt.

“I won't tell tell anyone.” you confirm to their great relief. “But you two have got to be more careful!”

“We will! I promise!” With that, Ellie took Riley’s hand and began to head out the door.

“Ellie!”

She dropped Riley’s hand, and the two scampered out the pantry. You grab the needed wine.

*

“Ellie give’n you any trouble? I notice she’s hanging around you a lot.” 

Joel asked, sipping his whiskey as you played chess. Conversation had come more and more easily, but seeing that tomorrow was the ceremony, you knew what tonight was going to entitle. Still, you appreciated the time spent playing the board game and chatting. It was a nice change. You had begun to really value these nights. It was a few times a week, on the nights Commander Miller wasn’t teaching Ellie or when he needed to get a good nights sleep. He made you feel like a person, and you began to feel more and more comfortable. The younger Commander Miller still attempted to talk to you, but you could not fully trust him, even if Angela did. Angela was really the only person you trusted inexplicably. A beautiful, smart, and powerful woman, Angela seemed to tow the line, knowing exactly how much she could get away with it. Of course, it helped that her commander was very lenient.

Gina had been getting worse. Her and Deborah liked to make little jabs at you when she was over or when you went with Mrs. Miller over to Thomas’ house. It seemed as if she had picked up on something. Did she know Joel and you spent time alone? Had she noticed you and Ellie spending more time? Was your friendship with Angela suspicious? Angela was not liked amongst the wives, and wives have nothing better to do than talk. 

Gina loved to make comments on your weight, but the ones that irked you the most were calling you quiet, saying you didn’t talk much, you weren’t interesting or didn’t have much going on in your head… whose fault was that? Ellie filled you in on Gina’s life before the Gilead. Gina was a part of the problem, a woman who ad championed anti-choice rallies and campaigning to shut down planned parenthood, to take away Obergefell v. Hodges, and using her blog and later vlogs to promote a traditional lifestyle. Gina stated proudly that she would not be allowing Sarah to attend college, and that her “homeschooling” focused on womanly tasks. Sarah would never have a chance to reach college, nor high school. It was Gina’s beliefs that you should be demure, quiet, and only speak when spoken to. You didn’t need a brain to have children. Why did she suddenly have a problems with you being quiet when her issue with Ellie was she talked too much.

“No, she’s nice company.” You had been teaching Ellie to read, Joel didn’t know that. 

A small smile peaked on Joel's face. “I think she’s lonely. Riley has wives duties now and she’s in kinda a limbo… more or less.”

You nod, besting him in the game with a final move. You consider whether your next words were your place or not, but said them anyway. “Has Commander Miller spoken to you about Commander Bedford?”

Joel’s eyes darkened at the mention. “He has, made me promise not to say anything to her… Doesn’t want her getting to secretive, but I damn near lost it when he told me.” He notices the board.

“Checkmate.”

“Well I’ll be damned…”

Standing, Joel shuffled over and resituated himself on the couch you were up. Up close, the fine lines of age were clear on his face but he was no less handsome, no less broad, the soft and sharp contrast of features melding together so perfectly striking. “You’re quite clever, you know?” Joel mused, placing a hand on your thigh.

Your voice is quiet, a juxtaposition to your bold words as you attempt to sound brave. You wanted so badly to be like Angela, to be like Ellie, to be brave in the face of the horrors. “I think a lot more of us are than you think.”

“And yet, you can’t even read.” His eyebrow raises in a challenge. For a moment you are so shocked by his words you cant even be offended. Then the statement settles. How dare he! How dare, as one of the founding members of The Sons of Jacob, he’s responsible for taking away your right to- Joel’s face melts into a smirk, and then into a chuckle. He was fucking with you.

“Oh, you’re joking.”

“Of course I am.” His soft laugh ends, his eyes stealing into something darker, and although his smile remains, the motive behind it changes. “But isn’t this better?”

That gets your attention. “... better?” 

“Yeah, better…” His hand creeps up a little more on your clothed thigh, leaning in just a bit more. “You don’t have to worry about anything but spreading your legs…” He pried your legs open and you allowed him access easily. “Get fucked…”

“You think that’s all we have to worry about?” Your attempt to sound strong was, frankly, pathetic. 

Joel’s hand went up quickly, cupping your sex over your thick dress and frumpy underwear not making you gasp nonetheless. “If you’re a good girl, yes.” His face was suddenly next to you, his breath hot on your skin as he spoke lowly. “Are you a good girl?”

You try to not cave, you try to at least put up a little bit of show to prove you aren’t that easy… but your mouth chases his lips, whimpering as he pulls away before you can take a bite. Between your legs is fire, melting to his touch that was just not enough, teasing, edging…

“I said,” He reiterated, voice dark and harsh now, lightening his touch on your mound. “Are… you… a… good girl?”

Your resolve broke quickly. “Yes, yes I’m a good girl!” Instinct forced you to buck up into his hand, desperate for more pleasure.

“Yes, you are.” Joel slips slotted against yours and you opened your mouth for him without thought. “Mmmm hungry girl…” he begins to rub your clit with the heel of his palm as his other hand laid you down. “Don’t you worry, I’ll make sure you fulfill your biological destiny, beautiful girl.” His hips settle between her legs, replacing his hand with the shadow of his hardening cock as he devoured you.

Joel’s hands moved to your thighs, squeezing and rubbing down your calves and to your ankles before pulling the skirt up to your waist. Your underwear were practically bloomers, not flattering by any means, but just still looked at you hungrily before taking his pocket knife out and-

“Joel?” You squeak, forgetting your formalities as a peak of fright flows through you.

“Hush now.” Joel covers your mouth and you freeze, but all he does is cut off your underwear. “Don’t wear any next time, we won’t have this problem.”

As soon as your mouth is released, Joel is flipping you over to your stomach and then pulling you up by your waist so that you are on your knees; your hands braced against the armrest of the red velvet couch. Suddenly, your ass and legs were cold as Joel flips up the cotton skirt. His left hand opened by his point and thumb wide, sliding between your cheeks as he began fingering you, dominant hand undoing his pants. Despite the blood pounding through your ears, you hear a *spit* and then a *fap fa fap* before he’s notched at your entrance. You don’t have a moment to breath before he’s pushing in halfway, pulling back, and then ramming directly into you, full length, full speed, full power.

“JOEL!” You scream, before a hand is slapped over your mouth again. “Goddamn, can’t keep quiet for one fucking minute.” Joel smacks your ass, not hard enough to leave a mark but to get your attention and god does it, forcing your cunt to inadvertently clench around him. “Fuck, you like that don’t you?” When you nod, he smacks you again, harder, making you cry out into his hand again, and then his face is nipping at your neck. “Or maybe you want to be heard, is that it? You like the thrill, the risk? Bet that’s why you fucked that guard, can’t get off without a little danger.” He removes his hand with another warning to “shut the fuck up, unless you wand Gina to hear.”

“No” you try to deny with a whine. “You feel so, oh commander, just feel so good!”

With a hand now free, he went back to his minstrations on your bundle of nerve, fucking you full of every inch of girth. “I bet you like being the other woman, you like lying between my wife's legs as she’s stuck helpless, watching you get stuff, watching you struggle to take it inside.”

“C-commander…” It was building quickly inside you, the wet squelch of your cunt telling him just how much his words affected you.

“Ready to be bred, to be filled, to carry my child as your belly swells… ugh, fuck…” The thought of you pregnant with his baby turned him on even more. The baby was Gina’s idea, something she wore down on his with constant nagging… so it really wasn’t his fault he was fucking the handmaid, right? That was the point wasn’t it?

“Wanna have your baby, Commander, wanna fullfill my, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck! My biological destiny!”

“You will, beautiful, you will, no matter how many times I have to fuck you, no matter how many times Gina has to watch you stretch around my cock.”

Your arms can’t hold you anymore, the heat between your legs spreading to you whole body and melting you until you collapse on the couch, gripping on to the arm rest for dear life as Joel repeatedly rammed himself into your tightening channel. “Want her to watch.”

“Yeah, I bet you do, dirty girl.” Joel gripped your hair, yanking your face toward him and spitting on your face before shoving it back into the couch. 

“Want that bitch to suffer.” You mutter into the couch, muffled by half your face stuffed with the velvet coving. “Watch someone more worthy take your seed.”

“God DAMN!” His thrusts grew sloppy, but no less filling. “Need you to cum, need you to cum so I can fill you up.”

You’re panting, sweating, feeling his slide through your walls as you edge closer to your release. “Tell me.”

“Tell you what, beautiful?”

“Tell me I’m better than her.”

Joel groaned loudly in your ear before straightening up, gripping your hips for leverage. “You’re so much better than her, sweet girl. You’re pretty than her, more obedient, fuuuuuck, so much fuck tighter.”

“Jooooooel”

“I don’t even cum inside her anymore, because she’s not worthy to take my seed.” He was teetering on the edge, desperately trying to find stability in your body. “But you, pretty girl? I’m gonna give you every last drop, and make her watch you grow and feed my baby, all because you’re better than her.”

Getting ahead of it, Joel shoved your face into the armrest and you out scream your orgasm into it. Joel’s pounding never stopped as he spilled into your eagerly, clenching cunt. “Good girl, good fucking girl, take it all…” Joel collapsed above you and you had wished you had both gotten naked so you could feel his sweaty, stick skin on yours as he kept you plugged up…

Though you were fucked out, eyes closed and only have concious, Joel kisses your neck, fae, lips and eyes whisping sweet nothings about how beautiful you were, how perfect you took him, how you were a good girl.

His hand slithered under you, splaying it under your belly. “My good girl, gonna knock you up, I just know it.”

Still breathing heavily, you lazily attempt to kiss back whenever Joel’s lips reached yours, but it was more akin to mouthing at him. “Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?” Joel nuzzled at your neck, kissing lightly. Couldn’t leave any marks.

“I’m better than her?”

A loud, wet, sloppy spit-and-tongue-filled kiss as Joel latched onto you with his mouth before unplugged your cum-soaked cunt. “By a million miles.”

*

Your next ceremony came and went, and you came on Joel’s cock once again, just as you did in his office again, and again, and again. Although he got you undressed, Joel  never undressed himself, only enough to free himself from the confined of his pants. You wondered why… but wondered what was underneath him clothes… you wonder as you touched yourself on nights he wasn’t with you.

Walking back from Fishes and Loaves with Angela, she wasn’t super talkative as she had a cough. The spring was making her allergies act up. As she parted, however, she caught you before you entered the hearshot of the Miller’s driver. “Listen, I can’t say much… but…” She looked around before continuing to your confused face. “Whatever happens tonight… just go with it, okay?”

Fear struck you, uncertain on what is interrupting your routine. “What?”

“Joel is going to ask you to dress up and get into a car… and just trust me, you’ll be okay.” She began to walk towards her home next door, but you grabbed at her sleep, panicking. “Wait, what do you mean? Why can’t you tell me?”

She looked apologetic. “I’m sorry, I love you but I don’t know how much I can trust you just yet.” She pulled away.

Enough distance was put between you that you could no longer speak freely and had to watch her red walk away as you wondered what could possibly be happening tonight…

**************

This was mostly smut lmfao but thats okay. Got a lil into cucking Gina and that may come up earlier. Fuck Gina.

Next chapter, if you have watched or read the handmaids tale AU, you probably have an idea what's going to happen... but lets just say we'll have a special guest hahaha

Joel and his breeding kink... ANYWAYYYYYYY

LMK IF YOU WANT TO ME TAGGED!!

Please remember to reblog if you enjoy this fic, its the only real way to spread it!

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @dins-riduur-anthe @morallyinept @fan-fiction-floozy @med494 @taliarose12 @flvrdoll @k-ra @sam-2me @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @moriartyyouwhore @hereforthepedrofanfic @alwaysmicado @noisynightmarepoetry @kyloispunk @jenna-ortega @lunitareads @labyrinthofheartagrams @swimmjacket @magpiepillsjunior @stevngrant

[voidartisan]

Rebel Dashboard Simulator

🦎 lekkuhaver

😎 free-dantooine-deactivated-7976-994-5

this galaxy is so humancentric it hurts. "humanoid" this "near-human" that. don't care if they're the most abundant species overall they make up less than forty percent of sentient species. i hope you all realize how kriffing stupid you sound

🙍 steela-gerrera-lives Follow

i mean op makes a good point but aren't they also an order 66 apologist???

😎 free-dantooine-deactivated-7976-994-5

when will you idiots realize the Jedi were created to uphold the status quo. they were no better than stormtroopers and the galaxy is better off without them. fks

🚀 podracing-analyst Follow

the Jedi were a religious order???? not law enforcement???? stop spreading misinformation if you want ppl to take you seriously

the Jedi did have powers of arrest but that was because they were diplomats and bodyguards. they were arresting assassins, corrupt officials, mercenaries, slavers and crime bosses (y'know, people who were actually actively upholding and profiting off of oppressive social conditions), not shoplifters or protestors. the only reason that they came under Senate authority in the first place was because they were actively attempting to prevent themselves from becoming too powerful.

they were also second-class citizens in many ways (unpaid for their labor, no rep in the Senate despite depending on it for support, etc). stop slandering minority religious groups.

🦎 lekkuhaver

also here to say that even if the Jedi were law enforcement, the purge was still a genocide. they had centuries (if not millennia) of history, art, religious practice, and other culture that's just been completely erased. not to mention that literal CHILDREN were slaughtered during knightfall. kids incapable of what you're attributing to them.

#i mean I pretty much agree with the first point being a twi'lek myself #but can we stop misrepresenting the Jedi for two minutes??? #also don't go in the notes it's a bloodbath in there #tw:genocide #tw:child death #discourse tag #lekki talks

(24.3k notes)

🎨 spectre-spraypaint

thinking about dyeing my hair again but there are too many options

(98 notes)

🎨 spectre-spraypaint

😺 jabba-calrissian Follow

help how do I spumblr

🎨 spectre-spraypaint

this my little brother btw. you should welcome him with your bestworst anon hate

(2 notes)

🐈‍⬛ tooka-pics-daily

#tooka #lothcat #cute #photography

(12 notes)

🏔 queenofthehills

🏳‍🌈 gay-holofilm-society Follow

idk maybe i've been archiving suppressed clone wars records for too long. but. is it just me or is this shot of the Jedi general of the 3rd systems army kinda 👀

🌛 gungan-conspiracy Follow

holy force are there rebels young enough to not know who kriffing. obi-wan kenobi is

🎤 rebotastic Follow

great maker this image is giving me flashbacks to the jedi rpf discourse

🤖 protocol-droid-rebellion Follow

remember when that one spiktoker got investigated by the GAR during the clone wars for apparently including part of a classified holovid in one of their edits? those were the days

🧑‍🎤 myastromechromance Follow

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

#FRRRRR #i still remember when rpf with him got popular #all of stewjonblr was flooded with asks about pet names in "stewjonian" #as if there's just one language and clan kenobi isn't incredibly large #encompassing multiple dialects #like girl even if i wanted to help you i couldn't #are u even sure he speaks his native language anymore. he was inducted as a toddler #anyway its too bad I got sick of his face seeing as he's a planetary treasure and all

(13.2k notes)

🥫 redrationbars

🔫 shabuir Follow

does anyone even like jogan fruit tho

🐐 tauntaunonhoth Follow

hey op who did you have to kill for that url

#mando heritage post #queue

(346.9k notes)

⚔ snips-in-space

ngl I totally forgot this account existed

(26.9k notes)

🦎 lekkuhaver

🌆 coruscant-official Follow

Don't forget to visit the lower levels during your time with us! The garbage piles and casual violence due complete neglect by the planetary government are part of the charm!

(92 notes)

🥫 redrationbars

hey so what's up with this empire thing

#outer rim posting #this is satire to be clear

(45 notes)

🖋 set-vere-red-string

people on here really need to learn how to use a readmore link. I don't want to have to scroll past your entire bail organa x reader fic to find posts about the man's politics

(3 notes)

👬 clone-posting-central

☄ venator-class-hyperfixation Follow

if I didn't want clones fraternizing with civilians then I simply would not clone the hottest man in the galaxy. rip to the kaminoans but i'm different

🌄 tatooine-sunsets Follow

hey bez not to kill the joke but. do you know what happened to kamino

☄ venator-class-hyperfixation Follow

what do you mean. what. what happened

🪙 keepingupwiththepapanoidas Follow

investing at twenty notes

☄ venator-class-hyperfixation Follow

DONT DO THIS TO ME I DIDJHNT KNOWKJ

#we are pretty good looking huh :)

(27.5k notes)

🙈 bytenebrousthiscantbehappening

🌌 hyperdrive-engaged Follow

look. i've worked in a shipyard for a long time. i've seen a lot of stuff. but what the KARK is this

Read more

🔎 identifying-starships-in-posts Follow

looks like a YT-1300 light freighter. older correllian model, highly prized but not super common. it does have some uhhh interesting mods

#i LOVE yt-1300s #too bad you have to be either rich or a chronic gambler to get one these days

(62 notes)

🖋 set-vere-red-string

🧑‍🎤 myastromechromance Follow

anyone else seen this recording of palaptine tripping over his own robes yet

🏵 rebel-scum Follow

omf no that's hilarious

📕 hero-with-a-lot-of-fears Follow

old prune had it coming

#q

(16.5k notes)

[wheretheharekissesthefox]

Bon appétit - Chapter 7: Chili

[Astarion/Gale]

It's 2 a.m., Gale's tired and wants some food. Astarion, the cute barista/waiter at the Emerald Grove knows how to sate his cravings.

Trigger warning (18+): Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, No Magic, No Vampire, No Wizard, Graphic Description of Sex, Smut, Anal Sex, Fellatio, Fingering, Waiter Astarion, Professor Gale, Angst, Feels, Panic Attack, Face-fucking, Role-play Breeding, Vomiting, Negative Self-talk

Served to: @patheticfangirl

Special thanks to her for giving me the 'be gay, do crimes' brainworm (thankfully, it's not a tadpole).

"What?"

Shocked, Gale stared at the vet of the Open Hand Pet Sanctuary, stomach churning with anxiety.

"Your cat's diabetes got worse, thus, she needs the double amount of her daily insulin injection."

Gale couldn't move. He already spent 70gp on her medication per month, plus an additional 50 for the testing supplies.

"I recommend switching to a different food as well that fits her new dietary needs better."

Gale barely suppressed a gasp when he saw the price tag. It was four-times more expensive than the special kibble he already fed her with. Another 200gp gone from his quickly dwindling savings...

"You should think about my recommendation," Dr. Logan droned on. "Otherwise, complications could arise, such as cataract or pancreatitis. The price for surgery would be around 3'500gp and 5'000gp respectively. Thus, it should be prevented at all costs."

Gale's ears were ringing, the edges of his vision was swimming, vertigo rising. He steadied himself against the countertop.

He'd made a payment plan for the upcoming year, every spending had been budgeted. Such big additional expenses hadn't been included.

"Mister Dekarios, are you listen?"

"Yes," lied the addressed, trying to keep breathing.

"Well, then that's settled," Dr. Logan said. "The next visit should be in three month. Have a nice day, Mister Dekarios." He bent down to stick a finger through the lattice of the pet carrier’s door to boop the cat's nose. "Bye, Tara, be good."

"Mreeh!" the addressed complained moodily. With a chuckle, Dr. Logan was off, leaving a very ill Gale behind.

"Schedule for March? How about Wednesday, the twelfth, at 9 a.m.?" asked Miss Bramble, the secretary.

"Sounds good," Gale got out, trying his best to keep his knees from buckling. He quickly grabbed the card with the scheduled visit, the medication, cat food, and Tara's carrier before fleeing the building.

"Have a nice day!" lilted Miss Bramble, but Gale couldn't hear it. The latter practically jumped into his car, locked the door, and gasped for air.

His head was spinning as he thought about the new financial situation. 3'080gp. Almost three-times as much as this year. The quarterly vet visits of 80gp each not included. How was he going to afford this?

"Mrp?" Tara asked. Gale ignored her, too caught up in his own head. His heart was beating so fast that his chest hurt, and he was reminded of the plastic-metal device stuck under his skin. He swallowed and tried to keep his breakfast down. With a yowl, Tara banged against the door of the pet carrier, and Gale opened it with shaking hands. The cat jumped onto his lap with an impressive speed and immediately shoved her head under Gale's bearded chin, purring obnoxiously loudly. The former professor heaved a sigh and started petting Tara's flanks. Her purring vibrated through him, slowly relaxing his tense body, and her rough-textured, little tongue flicked out to lick at the corner of his mouth.

"Thank you," Gale mumbled, kissed the spot between her ears, and scratched her chin. "Let's go home, get in your carrier."

"Mro," complained Tara and rolled up in his lap, gently making biscuits against his soft belly. With a small smile, Gale looked at her.

"This is dangerous, you know? A violation of the safety rules."

"Mrm," Tara rumbled happily. Gale huffed a laugh, turned the car key, and drove home.

When he arrived, he was greeted by three more bills in the mailbox and a letter informing him about an 'unfortunate' increase regarding the interest of the mortgage. Gale's heart sped up again, head spinning. His neatly planned budgeting was falling apart by the second. With shaking hands, Gale placed the letters on the table. He didn't want to lose his childhood home, he didn't want Tara to die, he didn't want to be uselessly unemployed any longer, he didn't want Astarion to leave him. What was he even good for? Gale clutched his aching chest, once more reminded of the foreign object inside his body. This time, he couldn't keep the bile down. He barely made it to the bathroom before vomiting into the porcelain bowl.

When Astarion walked through the door, he found Gale in bed. Motionless, an open book next to him - unread -, Tara rolled up behind his back, and eyes vacantly staring at the windowsill. Immediately, Astarion knew something was wrong.

"What happened, love?" he asked while kneeling down next to the bed to be on eye level with his fiancé. The floodgates opened.

"I'm sorry," cried Gale. "I'm such a useless partner, please forgive me. Tara's condition got worse and she needs higher dosages, and the bank told me the interest of the mortgage increased, and it's all so expensive. If I cannot find a new job soon, we'll be broke. I'd have to sell the house. God, Astarion, I'm so sorry."

The addressed held his partner close, shushing him, while rubbing his back gently.

"It's okay, love. Everything's going to be okay," he tried to reassure him.

"How do you know?" Gale sobbed. "You cannot know if it'll be alright. Everything I touch, goes down the drain eventually."

"Stop it!" scoffed Astarion. "None of that unhelpful self-talk. We will get through this. Together. You and me. Partners in crime." He cradled Gale's face in his hands and looked at him, determination clear on his sharp features. "I'm nothing like that bitch. I won't walk away and leave you behind as soon as things get rough. I love you, Gale, and will stay by your side no matter what." He kissed the brunet gently. "I'd do anything for you, my love. Even kill."

At that, the addressed barked a watery laugh.

"I love you too," he sniffed. "I just hate feeling so useless and like I'm failing you."

"You're not," Astarion told him sternly. "You're wonderful, perfect in your imperfection." He kissed him again. "Now, let's eat something. You skipped dinner, didn't you?"

Caught, Gale lowered his gaze, mumbling: "I wasn't hungry."

Astarion looked pained, but tried his damn best to conceal it behind a poker face.

"Come on, love. Let's have some food."

Together, they moved downstairs to the kitchen and Astarion rummaged through the fridge for leftovers. He wasn't the best cook, but still perfectly capable of whipping up something tasty. With Gale's help, he threw together a weird version of fried rice, using leftover deer cutlet, various already cooked vegetables, the rest of a tomato sauce, eggs, and the name-giving leftover rice. It was an abomination in terms of authentic and haute cuisine, but it tasted fucking delicious. The couple sat down and devoured the entire pan of food. Afterwards, Astarion and Gale got ready for bed and fell asleep spooning.

The next day, Gale was still uneasy and anxious, but felt better. He distracted himself from negative self-talk by doing house chores.

When Astarion was back from work at 2 a.m., he was greeted by a spotless home and freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He knew his fiancé well enough to know what had happened, but he decided not to comment about it. Instead, Astarion kissed Gale deeply.

"I have a plan," he announced and proudly emptied a shopping bag onto the kitchen table. Confused, Gale blinked at the two black fleece jackets, the gloves, and two black, rib-knit three-hole balaclavas.

"I fear I don't follow. What's all this for?"

Astarion shot him a dangerous grin and replied: "We'll rob the vet."

"What?"

"You heard me, love. We'll drive downtown, break into the veterinary clinic, and steal all the medication and cat food we can."

Gale stared at him, shocked and slightly paler than usual.

"Are you insane?" he got out.

"Probably," answered his fiancé with a nervous giggle.

"We can't just - just steal things, Astarion! That's illegal!"

"Really? I had no idea," teased the addressed with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"I -" Gale was lost for words, rubbing his temples. "Astarion..."

"Come on, love. It'll be fun," the blond interrupted him. "I did my research and there are no cameras inside or outside the building. Plus, there's a back door that we can use. There's not much risk involved and I can't stand how those sad cow eyes look on you."

Gale balked and huffed disgruntledly: "I don't have sad cow eyes!"

"You do," Astarion retorted matter-of-factly. "Now, get dressed and let's rob the place."

"That's... we can't -" Gale sighed deeply. "We'll get in trouble. This is an insanely stupid thing to do. We're not some low lives. It's not right."

"The only thing that isn't right is that you have to pay an arm and a leg for Tara's medication," Astarion told him. "They squeeze you dry. In the not sexy way."

Gale snorted a laugh and his partner's face softened. As the latter wrapped his arms around Gale's neck, he said: "Just think of it as a spontaneous date. A brush with danger can spice things up."

The brunet groaned, burying his face in the crook of Astarion's neck.

"You're an awful influence on me."

"And you'll thank me for it."

They were doing it. They were really doing it. Anxiously, Gale tapped against the steering wheel, leg bouncing, as he watched Astarion adjust the balaclava. Then, the latter turned, shooting him a smile.

"Ready?"

"No."

Astarion laughed gleefully.

"Off we go then."

They left the car which they'd parked a few streets away for safety. With their ski masks and matching fleece jackets on and backpacks over their shoulders, they approached the Open Hand Pet Sanctuary. It was snowing wildly, the glittery white flakes danced in the light of the street lamps and were covering the city rather quickly. It was around three in the morning and this part of Baldur's Gate was asleep. Astarion and Gale walked into the narrow, dark alleyway and climbed over the fence. While the blond showed a feline grace, the brunet huffed and puffed while struggling to climb over the fence. Snickering, Astarion kneeled down before the door and pulled out a picklock.

"Do you really know how to use that?" Gale asked curiously.

"Mhm," mumbled Astarion, jamming the thin metals into the lock. "Perks of spending your teens in shitty foster families, I suppose."

Gale's heart sunk.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"That's life, I guess," replied his partner, shrugging nonchalantly. He gave a little triumphant "hah!" as the door clicked and opened. Astarion got up and hissed with a wince. Gale shot him a concerned look.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing to worry about," Astarion played down the issue. "It's just my back. It hurts a little."

"Why? Since when?"

Averting his gaze, Astarion mumbled: "Since yesterday morning. It's just the cold weather, love. No need to worry."

"I always worry about you," Gale sighed. "We don't have to do this. Let's go home and I'll run you a hot bath and give you a massage."

"That's tempting, but we have more pressing issues right now," his fiancé retorted. "Come on, let's get it over with."

Gale nodded and they stepped inside. It was pitch-black in the clinic, the only light sources were the street lamps outside. The couple switched on their small flashlights and got a move on. In the entrance area behind the counter, the various pet foods were arranged. Astarion whistled when he saw the price tags.

"Bloody hell, that's some gourmet shit! Almost more expensive than our own food."

Gale hummed non-committally as he glanced around, slightly paranoid. Astarion grabbed two plastic bags from behind the counter and started to stuff them with the cat kibble Tara needed.

"How about some help, love," he teased.

"Of course. Apologies."

Gale hurried over to help his literal partner in crime. When they'd filled four bags, Astarion dragged Gale over to the huge, humming fridge and pushed the door open. Sickly white light spread out, illuminating a small patch of the floor in front of it and revealing dozens of packages of different types of medication inside.

"Ta-da! Merry Christmas," grinned Astarion and Gale had to chuckle a bit. Quickly, the brunet walked over to relieve the fridge of all the Vetsulin, shoving it all into their backpacks. Meanwhile, his partner sauntered over to the shelves, reading all the labels.

"Hmm, some liquid painkiller for senior animals, especially those with arthritis, rheumatism, and back pain. Maybe, that works on people too," Astarion mused. He opened the package to read the instructions. "16 millilitres for big dogs and 32 millilitres for horses. I guess I'm the golden middle, eh?" He took out the pipette, unscrewed the vial and draw some of the milky-white liquid out. "Here goes nothing."

Gale's head shot up.

"Don't -"

But Astarion had already leaned his head back and squirted the liquid into his mouth.

"Ugh! Fuck, that's bitter!"

He coughed and shook himself before rinsing his mouth by the sink.

"Told you," snickered Gale.

"Shut it, love," huffed Astarion half-heartedly, and walked down the corridor to see if any doors were unlocked. As it turned out, they all were. Curiously, the blond peeked into every room, and when he’d reached the last one, he stepped in to squint at a cabinet filled with different medications. Carefully, he opened the glass door and started picking up each bottle and cardboard box. Most of the writing could just as easily have been gibberish. The complicated technical terms made his eyes hurt.

“Astarion,” whispered Gale anxiously as he entered the room. “We have everything, let’s go home.”

“Mh,” mumbled the addressed, still reading a label. Then, he pocketed multiple of the bottles.

“This is pentobarbitone for animal euthanasia,” Astarion explained lowly. “Maybe, we can use it if Tara’s health declines so that she can die peacefully at home instead of in a sterile room like this.” After a pause, he added: “I’d like that, you know? Dying at home. In your arms.”

Gale swallowed thickly, feeling the tale-tell pressure of tears behind his eyeballs. He didn’t want to think about the death of his two favourite beings. He’d already lost his mother. Seemingly sensing that he’d hit a nerve, Astarion turned towards his partner and joked: “Or, we can use it to get revenge on Mystra. It works on humans too.”

That made Gale snort a laugh, and he pulled the blond into a hug. The latter went easily despite his surprise. The couple dwelled like this for a moment, then, Astarion pulled back and sauntered towards the metal examining table in the middle of the room. Playing coy, he glanced over his shoulder and purred: “It’s time for my appointment. Won’t you vet me, doctor? I was a naughty pup, you know? Had my ways with many men, like a good bitch."

Smirking, Astarion hopped onto the cold metal and Gale frowned.

"What are y-"

The rest of the sentence got stuck in his throat when Astarion shook off his trousers, boxers, and boots, spreading his legs wide with a coquettish expression.

"Oh, doctor! I need an ultrasound!" he wailed, dramatically reclining on the examining table with a hand against his forehead. Gale's lips quirked into a smirk and he replied: "I am a doctor - of literature."

Astarion rolled his eyes with an inelegant snort.

"Killjoy."

With a hum, the addressed let the beam of his flashlight wander through the room. Then, he stepped to the left, rolled a machine over, and flip a switch which resulted the machine to hum and the lamp that was fixed to it to turn on. Astarion squinted at the light that painted the examining table in cold, white brightness. When his eyes had adjusted to it, he witness how Gale put on a pair of latex gloves, shoving his own into his jacket pocket. The brunet turned around, cocking his head to the side and said: "Well then, let's see how you're doing."

Gale squirted some lube from the tray table onto his gloved fingers and slowly pushed them into Astarion's ass. The latter grunted and shifted slightly to adjust his position. Gale immediately stopped and looked at him with concern.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No. Keep going."

"What about your back? We can -"

"I'm fine, love. Go on. Please."

With a nod, Gale continued scissoring his partner open, slowly and thoroughly. Astarion groaned impatiently, trying to spur Gale on, but the latter kept his leisurely pace.

"I cannot feel anything," the brunet told him. "I guess you're right and you need an ultrasound."

With that, he withdrew his fingers, grabbed the endocavitary probe, covered it in lube, and slowly shoved it up Astarion's ass. The latter threw his head back with a gasped moan.

"Fuck, Gale!"

"Do you want me to stop?"

"N-no..."

Closing his eyes and biting his lip, Astarion tried to focus on the feeling of the ultrasound stick sliding over his prostate, but his fiancé had other plans.

"Open your eyes and look."

The addressed obeyed and was faced with the monitor of the machine, a live stream of the ultrasound in his ass flickering across the screen in black, white, and all shades of grey. It was incredibly weird and slightly embarrassing, but Astarion couldn't look away. Meanwhile, Gale casually rambled on.

"Here we can the uterus and over here are the ovaries. It seems like your little sexcapades didn't lead to a pregnancy."

"What a shame," snickered the blond. The brunet shot him an undefined look before setting the ultrasound stick aside.

"In that case, more drastic measures must be taken to ensure the fertilisation of your eggs. We'll offer our best stallion to breed a bitch in heat like you."

Astarion's eyes went wide and his breath hitched. Gale immediately looked apologetic and asked: "Was that too much? I knew it's stupid idea."

"No!" the blond blurted out without thinking. "Keep going. I want to hear what you came up with."

A blush of embarrassment and an amused smirk bloomed on Gale's face.

"Okay," he muttered, more to himself than anyone else. "Okay." He cleared his throat and threw away the latex gloves before wrapping his hands around Astarion's thighs to pull him closer and towards the end of the examining table.

"Our recommended stallion has a one hundred percent success rate regarding impregnation. He'll breed you and fill you with pups."

Astarion whimpered. Why was this hot? He wasn't into this type of dirty talk, but somehow it worked on him? Maybe it was the added thrill of danger. Or simply just because it was Gale. Probably the latter.

The brunet unzipped his pants and took out his half-hard cock, stroking it to full hardness with the help of some extra lube. Then, Gale leaned forward, slightly over Astarion, with his hands on the latter's knees, and whispered: "Ready?"

All the blond could do was nod and moan when his partner entered him in one slow motion.

"You feel perfect around me," Gale told him. "Warm, soft, and wet. Perfect to take my pups."

He set a rather fast pace, bottoming out each time and hitting his partner's prostate, making Astarion moan and whine.

"Good, bitch. You take me so well," Gale praised. "I'm going to pump you so full with my cum, you have no other choice but be knocked up with my pups."

"Fuck, Gale..." groaned Astarion. He was already close and attempted to jerk himself off, but Gale stopped him.

"If you can stave off your orgasm, I'll let you come in any of my orifice," he promised.

"Oh, God..." whined the addressed, gripping the base of his dick to keep from climaxing. Gale glanced up at him, asking: "Do you want to stop?"

"Don't you fucking dare!" panted Astarion, rolling his hips upwards. With a cocky grin, his partner pulled him impossibly closer, fucking into him hard and sloppily.

"Take my pups," Gale panted and came with an inelegant grunt. Astarion gasped and trembled through it, teetering on the edge of his own climax as Gale emptied himself into his ass. Cum was leaking out of him soon, trickling out around Gale's cock which was still lodged deep inside Astarion. The latter shuddered in the most pleasant way. Gale pulled out slowly and pushed his spent back inside the puffy hole. The blond whimpered, squirming, rattling the metal table. Gale smiled at him; half cocky, half softly.

"Do you want to come in my mouth or ass?"

"Mouth. Oh, please, love. Your wonderful mouth."

Astarion knew he was begging, but other than his previous lovers, Gale wouldn't deny him anything. The latter smiled - it looked a bit silly with the ski mask on - and bent down to suck Astarion off. The latter moaned and bucked up, his feet desperately searching for support on the flat, cold surface of the examining table. Without stopping what he was doing, Gale grabbed Astarion's legs and propped them up on the tabletop, allowing his partner to thrust upwards more efficiently. The latter's hands scrabbled for purchase futilely. Gale popped off of his dick with a gasp and took Astarion's hands to place them on his head.

"Take what you need," he told him softly. "Don't hold back. Use me however you please and come for me, sweetheart."

Astarion cried out as Gale put his mouth on him again. Sweetheart. No one had ever called him sweet before. Astarion pushed his partner's head down while he face-fucked him, cock speeding in and out of that relaxed throat, crying out a litany of blissful moans. Sweat was beading down his covered face, his clothes stuck to his skin uncomfortably, his gut tightened. He felt like he was going insane. Astarion's eyes fell shut and his head back, as he arched off the examining table and exploded into that talented mouth. Gasping for breath and dizzy, he slumped down, legs feeling like jelly. His back no longer twinged. Gale panted against his sharp hipbone before straightening up and tucking himself back into his pants. Astarion simply watched through hooded eyes, brain still offline.

"We should go before we get caught," the brunet remarked, slinging the backpack over his shoulder.

"Right," mumbled the blond, but didn't move an inch. Gale looked at him worriedly.

"Astarion, come on."

"Mmh..."

"Do you need help?"

"Mhm."

He aided Astarion onto his wobbly legs, hastily dressed him and laced-up his boots before shoving him through the door. They grabbed the bags with cat food in the entrance area. Astarion giggled stupidly, stumbling back towards the rear exit, completely fucked-out. They climbed back over the fence and hurried along the streets until they'd reached the car. Gale sighed a breath of relief as they left the Open Hand Pet Sanctuary far behind. Back home, they basically fell through the door, adrenaline finally wearing off. While Gale stowed away the stolen insulin in the fridge, Astarion smooched a purring Tara.

"The things we do for you, darling. Be grateful that we love you so much and are positively insane," smiled Astarion before setting her down. "By the way, those pain meds work like a charm. My back doesn't feel uncomfortable anymore."

"I'm glad," smiled Gale. With a snicker, he added: "Let's hope that the amount we stole will last you for multiple years. Also, I think we need a bigger fridge."

Astarion laughed, pulled his partner into a ravenous kiss, and they tumbled into bed.

"Say it again, love," Astarion panted against his fiancé's lips.

"Hm, what?" Gale asked slightly confused.

"The word you said before letting me fuck your face."

Gale blushed and smiled simultaneously. He held Astarion tight, placed a kiss on those sinful lips, and said: "Sweetheart."

"Again," whispered his partner, choked up.

"Sweetheart. My sweetheart. I love you."

[peddlestox-shinyrocks]

Reading Preferences - Peddlestox Shinyrocks

as tagged by @mimble-sparklepudding

BOLD genres your character reads. Italicize genres your character occasionally peruses. Strikethrough if they absolutely won’t touch it. Bold, italicized and strikethrough they won't go 10 fulms feet of it.

art | biography | business | chick lit | children’s | classics | comics | contemporary | cookbooks | crime | fantasy | fiction | gay and lesbian | graphic novels | historical fiction | history | horror | humor and comedy | memoir | music | mystery | nonfiction | paranormal | philosophy | poetry | psychology | religion | romance | science | science fiction | self help | suspense | spirituality | sports | thriller | travel | young adult | warfare

ty mimble for the ask! i... do not know who hasn't done this

@starrysnowdrop for her two blorbos? @houserosaire? uhh @draculas-husband @laladventures perhaps? sends one @cadrenebula too

So a little bit about Kwaszits:

The bolds:

She doesn't believe anyone can be too old for a children's story. And she prefers the simpler words.

Comics and Graphic Novels? They have pictures. Even if she can't understand the words she can certainly look at the pictures.

Fantasy and Fiction? She likes hearing about the tales of adventurers and a lot of them seem fairly far fetched from a non-adventurer's perspective.

Kwas loves romance novels. She loves the pining, the slow burns, the love at first sights, Romeo and Juliet type stuff.

The italics:

These are underneath a bunch of assumptions.

Chick lits I don't think are things Kwas would often look at now, but maybe once or twice when she was a teen.

Art depends on what constitute as "art". Are we including making forms of art like say jewelry making, knitting, quilting, embroidery, etc or just plain drawing/sketch/painting books to learn from or just plain picture books of art? If its the broad strokes, it'd probably be a bold instead. If its the latter two, again, once or twice but not often.

Cookbooks are only when she wants to make something and nothing else.

Historical fiction will depend on the plot.

Humor/comedy I think she would be interested in, but I've also never read either of those kinds of books (because they don't really appeal to me, I'd rather watch a comedy/satire) so maybe.

Nonfiction and science are probably where her instruction manuals and DIYs are put in, but they're also other things in there so italics.

Science fiction is not as good as Fantasy/Fiction but I think she'd read a handful.

Travel books only for the newest place she's heading to and never again.

The normals:

The only one I wanna talk about here is the gay/lesbian one because... well if its under romance she'll probably read it, but she's not going to go out of her way to find them.

The strikethroughs:

Just plain disinterest in the topic.

The bold/italic/strikes:

Oh dear god does she hate these.

Poetry only for the sin of having problems understanding them. I think she'd find them pretty cute/interesting if she sat down and gave them a chance.

Warfare is obvious. She's a lovegobbie. Not a fighter.

Paranormal? Kwas is a coward. She HATES ghosts. (cocoa ghost only exception and only cause he's been nice and giving her cocoa) She wants nothing to do with any of it - demons, cryptids, ghosts, all of that gives her nightmares and if I didn't know any better I'd say they could induce her into a panic.

Horror is pretty much the same thing. She doesn't like the idea of something going bump in the night, anything to do with the likes of things like slasher fics or murder mysteries or anything that could make her think not twice but four times over being alone with a chocobo on the road going to the next town. Her gobbieheart can't take it.

[blackbatcass]

im so happy u turned ur anons back on they rlly thought they were baiting you, huh?

anyways! im sooo excited for the cass rebirth fic skdfewkd but in the meantime i DO wanna get into some arrowfam. ollie, roy, mia and connor just interest me so muchh but i havent read muc except for fics and even though i was supposed to follow my super specific reading order i wanna take a break from nw and the batfam and read something else.

like you said ga can be very healing!

anyways do you have a read list for me that includes all of them? thankss!

p.s nightwing vs green arrow was a question dc posted on their insta and the answers really surprised me! any insight on this?

LOVE YAAA

hey! <3333 tyyy i hope it lives up to expectation. LITERALLY reading ollie is so healing its good for the soul.

so this is like a comprehensive list of ollie comics, and this is a guide to everyone in the arrowfam. they’re super helpful if you want a broad overview

for my own personal recs, i think it's nice to start with green arrow: year one or green arrow stranded, to get a feel for his origin & time on the island. the hard traveling heroes (green lantern/green arrow) stories are also essential reading in that they basically established the modern version of ollie's personality and they're soo much fun, just beware of snowbirds lol.

from there green arrow vol 2 (1988) is the big one! pretty much Thee green arrow run, especially if you want to get to know ollie better. it's a lot of solid street-level ga stories in seattle, dinah's there, eddie fyers is there, and connor's introduced towards the end! if you're specifically interested in connor #102-137 was his original green arrow run. though word of caution that anything written after mike grell is a bit questionable.

if you're more interested in the 'arrowfamily' as a whole then you're looking for green arrow vol 3 (2001). it's 75 issues and a lot of fun. this is where ollie comes back to life, mia is introduced, ollie legalizes gay marriage, etc. it's pretty much just ollie hanging out with connor and mia and having some more street-level star city shenanigans, and i am very fond of it. that being said when judd winick takes over there is some questionable shit (you might want to just skip the arc with joanna pierce) but overall it's a fun time. roy shows up occasionally, dinah comes and goes. it's probably the best run to read if you want to get to know the arrowfam as a whole.

do not read green arrow/black canary unless you're desperate. it's bad. it's hilariously bad. do not trust anyone who tells you it's good. it is pretty harmless so if you just want to skim through for mia funny moments go ahead but...yeah it's trash.

post-new 52 there is not a lot unfortunately. a lot of it's garbage. the jeff lemire run is probably the most salvageable? and the rebirth one (volume 6) isn't as nauseating so that's also an option. but obviously you can read & enjoy whatever you want, maybe new52 ollie is your favorite ollie. i would say to read through some of this if you're interested in emiko but i can't really recommend it per se.

and that brings us to the current ga ongoing! you've probably heard us bitch about it a lot on here, but tbh it's been less bad & more mediocre. mediocre comics are just really frustrating to read through in real time. i might give it a try though, it has some nice moments even though it's not great, and williamson is leaving the title next month! chris condon is set to take over and has said the first arc is about street-level crime in star city, influenced by grell and o'neill. so i am VERY excited, it has the possibility to be peak. i think condon's run (issue 18) could be a great place to hop on!

so those are my green arrow recs! if you're more interested in roy, he usually features more in titans titles than ga titles so i have a separate list in my comic recs tag for him.

i couldn't find the ig post you were talking about? i have no clue how a fight between dick and ollie would go if that's the question. power scaling is not my forte by any means. i'm not sure how ollie's archery and dick's hand to hand fighting would match up. so i don't have a lot of insight on that sorry!

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Gay wrongs tournament, quarterfinals of the major bracket

Propaganda:

For House and Wilson:

Literally the most insane couple of all time from medical malpractice the show. They’re best friends, they live together, they’ve drugged eachother, they make stupid bets together, they manipulate each other, they ride off into the sunset together. They’re Sherlock and Watson, they’re the best doctors in their fields and you’d never want them anywhere near your medical care.

Medical malpractice <3

For Will and Hannibal:

Ive previously only heard the term "murder husbands" refer to hannigram so it feels flitting. The whole series culminated with a murder they did together bathing in blood. 

The show and ship that coined murder husbands. It’s in the text in s3 from a journalist side character. They do Many murders either together or as a message to each other. Usually this involves turning the dead body into an art piece. The show ends with them killing a guy together in a slo mo scene backed by porno music.

They're both batshit and manipulative.

ALRIGHT so they're not canonically together but it is HEAVILY implied and they have some sort of fucked up psychosexual obsession with each other. in the later parts of the show they start committing murder and cannibalism together and they're soooo unhinged but it's awesome

kill people for each other. maim each other. kill people together. most batshit insane metaphors. send each other to jail. ruin everyone’s lives. someone can probably say this better than me but these gay people are insane

Literally THE murder husbands. They kill for each other. They've tried to kill each other. They're canon in all but name, like the homoeroticism between these two is the driving force of the show.

one time hannibal folded a guy into an origami human heart

They are in love and they kill and eat people. They are called Murder Husbands in canon.

The original murder husbands (literally, that's not just their ship name, they get called that in canon)

The show begins with Will working for the FBI and trying to catch Hannibal, but because Hannibal is so intrigued by the way Will is able to see the world and the motives behind the killings so easily, it becomes a game of Hannibal isolating Will even more from the people around and seducing him to try and kill. By the time Will starts embracing the side of him that Hannibal sees, he starts oulling back and trying to distance himself so that when the time comes for Will to fully embrace himself and Hannibal, no one really suspects what they have planned. 

hannibal literally does murder as courtship and it works bc will is also a fucked up little guy

I'm actually quite offended they aren't included by default (joke). They are THE murder husbands!!!!!! (mod note: they should have been, but I wanted to see how many submissions they'd get. They got 19, making them a little more than 6% of total submission count).

do i have to say it. they literally get called murder husbands IN THE SHOW

There are 3201 works for Hannibal on ao3 tagged Murder Husbands. They are the ogs, they are the pioneers we owe it all to them.

THEE murder couple. You know it. I know it. They commit crimes at each other as courting and then commit crimes together and then fall off a cliff to wash up somewhere and live on to serve cunt. Get referred to as 'murder husbands' in canon. What more do you need

Hannigram were literally called Murder Husbands in canon, they are the og, they are THE blueprint. They were gay as hell and comitted so much murder so many crimes. THEY RAN OFF TO EUROPE TOGETHER.

[dutiful-wildcraft]

-OC Smash or Pass

RULES: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc).

-BASIC INFO

Full Name: Ruby Martin Age: 30 Gender: cis female Pronouns: she/her Sexuality: bisexual

-PROS

Ambitious, Ru sets lofty goals for herself and meets them head on. Feeling unsure? Not in this house, with Ru by your side nothing feels impossible. Hype man, partner in crime, whatever you need. She’s got it under control and she won’t rest until she does. 

Independent, Ruby is creative and self-motivated. Largely prefers to do things her own way. She’s happy to make decisions without anyone else’s input or opinions.

Acts of service, while she isn’t smooth with big acts of romance she serves her partner with devotion, hard work, loyalty, and problem solving. 

Funny, she’s quick witted, with deadpan deliveries that she waits with bated breath for you to laugh at. Often her dumb loud laughter at her own joke will have you cracking up more than the actual joke did. 

Always smells good

Runs a small time farm and animal rescue

Southern accent!!!!

- CONS

Gossipy/nosey,  Ruby has a way of digging information out of people and while she may not use it maliciously she is very fond of having the perceived upper hand. Has been known to snoop.

Insensitive, she is more of a solutions gal than a comfort gal. Can come across as critical and blunt. Gets impatient with people who seem to value feelings more than facts. Is out of her depth when it comes to discussing emotions. 

Prideful, never thinks she needs help, certainly won’t ask for help, and often takes it as a personal offense when people offer help (What? Do you think she’s incompetent?). She takes pride in being “self-sufficient” and any perceived threat to that has her hissing and spitting. 

Perfectionist, she can often make her own life very painstaking, and often hurts herself by having too high standards for herself and others.

Tagging whoever wants too!

[vampirewillows]

was tagged by the ever lovely @zhalar to share 9 albums i've been listening to, thank you for the opportunity <3 i've included my self-indulgent commentary on each, and i tried to mostly pick ones that i've specifically been listening to recently! (ps. thank you for songs you shared in the previous tag game we had, several ended up on my playlists)

lazily tagging anyone who sees this and wants to do it! just say i tagged you. i love hearing ppl talk about music

my album commentary under the read more cut bcs i ended up elaborating a lot

i. chappel roan, "the rise and fall of a midwest princess" — ALBUM of the YEAR. to me. i know it came out last year but still. no skips, love her and this album so so dearly. i need it on vinyl stat. inject that shit into my veins etc. current faves: guilty pleasure and super graphic ultra modern girl, but i did also recently listen to california for like a week non-stop

ii. ethel cain, "preacher's daughter" — again i'm LATE to this one, but as far as concept albums go, this is. the peak. like just. screaming crying throwing up, even. i made a powerpoint presentation abt this just so i could share its story with a friend. INSANITY. faves: american teenager, ptolemaea, sun bleached flies (i forgive it all as it comes back to me............. kill me)

iii. taylor swift, "tortured poets department" — i went to the eras tour earlier this month. speechless! wow. i still haven't recovered OR finished listening to all of anthology but i sure have been blasting who's afraid of little old me and but daddy i love him

iv. metteson, "look to a star" — actual album of the year for me. saw him live this spring and he was so so sweet (was manning his own merch booth afterwards and complimented my make up <3 also signed my vinyl) ANYWAY insane voice? like simply unbelievably beautiful. and this is just the debut album??? future records might simply eviscerate me i'm afraid. faves are second heart (!!!), naturally (but nothing comes natural to me / nothing comes naturally...... augh) and heavier than a heart

v. pet shop boys, "nonetheless" — breaking news my favourite old gay men are still releasing bops and bangers and heartbreaking melodies. this released close-ish to my birthday so i've claimed it as a birthday present. what more can i say, they're my favourite band of all time <3 faves rn: new london boy (skinheads will mock you, call you a fag / last laugh is yours, there's a brick in your bag!!) and bullet for narcissus

vi. orville peck, "stampede: vol. 1" — i adore this cowboy beyond measure. as i think i said in a different post, i don't usually care for features and duets, but this does indeed fucking slap. insane vocals as per usual. love the concept. can't wait for vol 2, and also, mr. peck PLEASE come to europe. faves: miénteme and cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other <3

vii. sea power, "disco elysium" — this is FINALLY on spotify!!! the game of all time, and the soundtrack is equally heartbreaking and hardcore (to the mega). i was going Through It at some point this spring and replayed DE and then just listened to burn baby burn outside whilst smoking. european depression core. faves rn: burn baby burn, saint-brune 1147 (small pinewood church) and precinct 41 major crime unit

viii. jan valta + adam sporka, "kingdom come: deliverance (OST)" — finally bought this recently when it was on sale and my god i'm so glad i did. an immensely entertaining game that you can tell was made with much love. henry of skalitz my SON. been listening to the soundtrack on/off, currently absolutely obsessed with the song poverty and famine (and särmä if you're reading i think you might vibe with this one?)

ix. alkemie, "pentiment (original soundtrack)" — rounding up with another video game soundtrack because i'll simply never get over pentiment. stole my heart in a major way. this soundtrack is STUNNING. can't do it justice with words. my faves rn: sic arsit historia kiersis and rüdeger's rehearsal

[justaweirdonothingtoseehere]

Tag Game!

Never did this okayokayokayokay

Describe your best friend without using any personality traits.

Describe yourself with the same rule.

Describe your least favorite person you personally know the same way.

Describe the plot of your favorite show(s) badly.

Describe the plot of your favorite book(s) badly.

If applicable, describe the plot of your favorite musical badly.

Tell me what your (current) main comfort character is without naming them.

I'll start: They like Beetlejuice, That's Not My Neighbor (and a character in that game I love them but what's wrong with them), Heathers (AKA JD), and FNAF (more specifically, William). They want to be a forensic scientist, which. Okay.

I like Beetlejuice, Heathers, FNAF, COD men, Good Omens, and House MD, among other things. I want to be a therapist and have changed my major at least three times.

She cheered when Roe v. Wade was overturned. Sorry if you supported that decision, but I do not. Also told me I look weird when I wear binders. And said that white people not being allowed to say the n-word is "racist and discriminatory."

Gay angel and demon fuck around and find out

Two men pretend they aren't gay for each other while committing countless crimes including medical malpractice throughout eight seasons.

Gay angel and demon fuck around and find out: the novel

Five gay people and a token straight attempt a heist against a government. (Do you sense a theme yet? I really like gay things)

And in the end, should someone die?

Ghost Zombie Jesus chaotically tries to marry a teenager.

A guy with a ponytail does a lot of rapping with his friends and then dies.

Unemployed genderfluid demon that's in love with an angel who keeps fucking him over.

(check tags for what the hell I'm talking about in these you can figure out which is which)

@marc--chilton @randomfandomloveydovey @ineffableaddiction @lickthecowhappy @iwillburnthisplacetotheground @dreamcasterpluto (no pressure sorry for tagging you guys luv you (platonically)) and anyone else who sees this shit and wants to!