#when you could ship him with some dude hes never had an onscreen interaction with !

[mindibindi]

Beyond disappointed in Ted Lasso. What were they thinking?!

The writing is a complete betrayal and insult to Rebecca’s character and Hannah’s skills as they’re being seriously underused. It’s also insulting Sam’s character.

Hoping someone pulls Rebecca’s head out of her ass tbh. Sam shouldn’t be getting caught in the crossfire of her looking for romance. I know he showed up at her doorstep but she still should’ve turned him away, and not even messaged him in the first place.

Hey, I'm with you, Anon, though we do seem to be in the minority. Sam is definitely not blameless here, he is also in the wrong. But if one of them is more in the wrong, it is Rebecca. I can't speak to whether her head has left her arse as yet because I have quit watching (at least for now). I hear she called it off with Sam in the most recent ep, though not because of any major crisis of conscience or because anyone in her inner circle expressed any reasonable reservations in response to her bad behaviour. And to be honest, I'm not sure we should need to hope and pray that Rebecca's precocious god-daughter, her slimy ex-husband, or the brutal British press will act as a moral compass on this ill-advised relationship. Both Rupert and the press have been set up to some extent as the villains of the piece. And a 14 year old should never have to school her elders on what is and isn't acceptable. Nora's needs have already been neglected by Rebecca for far too long.

If a moral position is to be taken on this, it needs to be taken by the show (because stance matters) and/or by its characters. But the show has for the most part depicted this relationship as ill-advised but ultimately hot, sweet, funny and romantic. As for the characters themselves, Sam has shown at least once that he has some moral backbone but seems to be adorably clueless when it comes to fucking his boss who keeps trying to set boundaries with him. Meanwhile, Rebecca's whole arc in s1 was about learning not to misuse her power for her own selfish ends. In season one, she misused her power within the club in order to exact revenge. In season 2, we have seen her misuse her sexual power, though I still cannot see to what end. I'm a bit at a loss as to what exactly she gets out of this 'relationship' but then I'm a grown woman so I have absolutely no interest in sleeping with a Harry Potter enthusiast barely out of his teens. I couldn't think of anything less sexy and more ick. I was certainly hoping for better character development for her this season.

As to what the writers were thinking, obviously I was not in the writer's room, but I would guess that they were thinking that any drama is good drama, people are stupid and fan devotion will trump any meaningful critique. In other words, they were thinking exactly how every other television writer thinks, despite the fact that this show posited itself as 'not like other TV shows'. This, to me, is where the blame really lies. Not with the characters or with the actors who are doing their best to sell this ludicrous turn of events. It must be noted, however, that both actors were completely blindsided by this relationship that had supposedly been so cleverly foreshadowed. Newsflash: if the people actually living these stories did not see this coming then you haven't foreshadowed shit. Sure, there were a handful of people that paired Rebecca with Sam but this does not constitute proof either. Fans have free-range to imagine and re-imagine characters. In some cases this may extend to imagining relationships between characters who have barely, if ever, interacted. There may be little to no evidence that these characters have even clocked each other's existence and some fans will still ship it. The existence of a handful of shippers does not legitimise such a problematic and divisive plotline making it onscreen.

But wait!, you might argue, this may not be a case of a popular show seeing just how far they can stretch fan devotion. This may not be a case of fan service to a handful of shippers. After all, the creators mapped out the entire three-season arc of Ted Lasso before they even pitched it to Apple. This was their brilliant plan all along! To which I would say: then maybe they should've rethought their second act based on people's strong reactions to their first. Ted Lasso was touted as the show we all needed in 2020. The writers and creators have all marveled at the chord it struck considering it was conceived prior to the pandemic and all the chaos it wrought. And while there is something to be said for having/sticking to a creative vision, there is also something to be said for being flexible and responsive to your audience and the cultural zeitgeist with which you're engaged. Season 1 of Ted Lasso told its story so gently, without creating distrust, division or unnecessary anxiety. It did not treat its audience like a gaggle of stupid lemmings to be led over a succession of narrative cliffs. THIS is what I mean when I say the show has broken with its brand. And look, this whole dark forest thing would be okay if the narrative arc was as well-crafted as s1. Season 1 gave us meaning, cohesion, comfort, sense in a senseless time. It was an almost perfectly crafted season of television. And I kept the faith for 6 episodes, despite the first half of s2 being pretty damn wobbly. But the follow-up to this stellar debut has been less than extraordinary so yeah, perhaps they should've thought a little harder about what made s1 so special before throwing it all out the window.

But wait!, I hear the faithful say, you don't know how things will pan out yet! Wait until the season is over and everything will make sense! But -- wearily and once again, I say -- we should not need to wait until the end of the season to understand what the hell is happening. By this point (over halfway through the season and show) we should have a v clear idea of the show's themes and the characters' arcs. And tbf, from what I can tell there are some fab things happening in other aspects of the show that I wish I could watch and enjoy. But my biggest fear at this point is that they are going to use Sam to solve Rebecca's childlessness. That, like Rupert (because the parallel cannot be avoided), she will become pregnant with a young fling and the show's attitude to this relationship will ultimately be: oh well, it was a bad idea and didn't work out for them but it was all for the best in the end cos who can be mad about a cute lil baaaayyybbbeeee??!! If they do go down this path then I will definitely be abstaining from the rest of the show. I will simply recall my repeated viewings of s1 with fondness tinged with regret at just how badly they fucked up a good thing.

Ultimately, Anon, I think this may be a case of there simply not being a diverse enough perspective in the writer's room. I am not saying that every single woman or every single person of colour will necessarily object to this relationship. I am simply saying that women and people of colour will be more sensitive to the issues of gender and race that are relevant here but that have not been fully or sensitively acknowledged in the writing of this plotline. Neither am I saying that Rebecca is the first woman to sleep with a man much (much, much, MUCH) younger than herself or indulge in an ill-advised relationship. But the comparison with Rupert both works here and doesn't because Rebecca is not being written like a white woman, she is being written like a white man. Realistically, only a white man can engage in this kind of hugely imbalanced relationship seemingly without any major moral qualms or societal ramifications. Not to put too fine a point on it, but this kind of relationship is reserved for all the Bills and Joes and Brendans and Jasons out there -- not for the Rebeccas and definitely not for the Sams. We are way beyond the point in feminism where we believe that liberation is simply the right for a white woman to behave as badly as a white man. The truth is that whatever wealth, power and privilege Rebecca has, the rules are different for men and women. She will not be treated the same as Rupert if and when this affair is uncovered. She will be treated far more savagely than Rupert ever was and Sam will be treated far more savagely than Bex was. This is not an argument for the equal treatment of these two relationships. It is an argument against how the relationship between Rebecca and Sam has been envisaged, i.e. through the wrong perspective. In writing from a 'neutral' white male pov, the show has invisiblised all the many issues activated by this storyline and revealed a blindspot that was always there.

As much as I loved and still love season 1 of this show, it has definite blindspots when it comes to representations of race and gender. There are at least two moments in s1 that stand out for me as being so obviously written by a man. Not necessarily because of what they do but because of what they don't do: what is missed, absent, unacknowledged. I was willing to overlook such minor failings in a debut season for many reasons. But s2 seems to have exacerbated these minor flaws rather than correcting them. And here I can't help thinking of Tina Fey speaking of the diversification of the writer's room at SNL during her tenure as co-headwriter. This notoriously male-dominated environment only began to shift and produce better work when a greater diversity of minds, voices and persepectives was allowed in the room. In this richer environment, she notes, different jokes played differently. Different sketches made it to air. Different perspectives were represented and different performers were celebrated. I can't help wondering if this plotline would have made it to air if there had been a female writer, a writer of colour or both further up the chain of command to challenge the ideas of the straight white dudes in charge.

One of the reasons I didn't think Ted Lasso was for me was that it centred a straight, white, cis-het, able-bodied man who rose to a position he didn't earn. That is just not a pov I would normally choose for myself, especially now that there is such a rich array of alternative perspectives through which to view the world. But I think the show won a lot of females fans with its first season largely due to its portrayal of Rebecca. She is the first person we meet. She is arguably the protagonist of s1. And while she would have been figured as a villain in previous pieces, the show never took that stance with her (because again, stance matters). Other elements like the depiction of female friendships, all centred around Rebecca, made this show female-friendly viewing. But imo, the major reason this show won over female fans (this one, at least) is because, in this post-MeToo, post-TimesUp era, it stood up and said: domestic violence is not okay, we stand with women and all victims of abuse, we will defend you, we know words can hurt, we know it can happen to anyone, we know all about toxic masculinity, we do not take this lightly and we will support you in your healing. Needless to say, this is how women hope men will act when they speak of their most difficult experiences but it is not how they always do.

The shift away from Rebecca this season has however meant that the white male experience is more centred than it was in s1. Rebecca's journey to recovery, health and happiness has been trivialised and sidelined, reduced to a highly questionable sexcapade. Meanwhile, we get overwrought manpain at every turn. We get Beard wandering around London (no, I haven't seen it and no, I don't need to. We've all been raised on white dudes thinking they're genuises when they have a figurative wank all over our screens). We get NO queer represention at all. And the only other female characters on screen are in care/service roles to men. The father/son, mentoring and toxic masculinity themes are all still there but they're no longer balanced out by ANY other competing perspective. One of the reasons I was okay with Ted failing upwards in s1 was that he used his power and privilege to lift up others. He was the one in service. He used his enormous privilege for good, as anyone with such privilege must. (Admittedly, it could be argued that this is just another version of a white savior narrative).

My point here is that I'm not sure that peeking behind the mask at the sad clown is as revolutionary as some might believe. We love it because it's familiar. But this is a narrative with a long and problematic history. Do I believe in tearing down toxic masculinity in all its forms? You bet. Do I believe that patriarchy traumatises men as well as women and every other minority in existence? I mean...nowhere near as much, but absolutely. Do I believe in men expressing their feelings and going to therapy? Wholeheartedly. But I am also aware that 100 or so years ago, we were in a very similar place with our narratives. Everyone is looking for a recapitulation of modernism and frankly, this might be an indicator of just that. Whenever women and people of colour have demanded rights and recognition, there has always been a resurgence of tales about just how frickin' hard it is to be a white man. Minority genders and non-white people have never in western history been as visible or vocal as they are now. So forgive me (or don't, I don't care) if I critique a show not only for centering fathers, sons, boys and men but for blindly and boldly writing one of its only female characters and one of its only black characters as if their gender and race just do not exist. There are many other power differentials at play in this relationship, including age, experience, wealth and position, but race and gender are the two that patriarchy is most invested in invisiblising. So I don't care how brilliant they think they are, I will not trust the writing of a bunch of white dudes trying to tell me that race and gender are irrelevant.

[deans-haunted-baby]

The Ones Left Behind

Alrighty time for some truth bombs. I’ve had almost a week to absorb the end of Supernatural and season 15 as a whole. And I think this is the moment where I need to throw in my two cents. For all intents and purposes I won’t go in-depth into 15x20 seeing as that conversation will just open up a whole other can of worms and I don’t need that headache. I have my reasons for being less than indifferent with how the Winchesters’ story concluded. So I won’t go there.

Instead I’ll be focusing all my energies on the unsatisfying conclusions of 4 particular characters. Two of which were main cast members (one that was on the show 12 years and one 4 years) while the other two (played by the same dude) were brought back after a decade long hiatus for a much-anticipated comeback only to be wasted and mangled unfairly by Dabb and his hack horde of a writing staff. Call this a follow up to my last post. If I sound bitter I am because these people don’t have a single clue on how to helm these characters, their relationships or their storylines 😠 Nor do they deserve them.

And yes I’m well aware of Kevin Tran, Rowena, Ketch and several others who got the shaft on this show. Those could be future posts for another time.

But I cannot stress this enough; ADAM MILLIGAN, JACK KLINE, MICHAEL AND CASTIEL ALL DESERVED FUCKING BETTER. There is no arguing these facts, none whatsoever. Not one of these characters deserved that exit to be the final chapter in their story. I won’t do an entire analysis of each character’s arc and role in the show as I’ve already done that in my rant about 15x19. But I will highlight how much season 15 royally screwed over these characters and tossed them aside like trash; as if none of them were ever part of/contributed anything to Sam and Dean’s history/world building of Supernatural’s universe.

*WARNING* This is going to get heated.

Before I dive into the heart of these issues I want to state this is not a “shipping post”. I don’t ship anyone on Supernatural, hopefully this blog has been pretty self-explanatory. So I have no arguments/opinions in those areas. I’ve been a fan of this series for 15 years because of the characters, the familial bonds and relationships formed between characters throughout its run. And I’m well-aware that the Winchesters are the lead protagonists of the show, no need to remind me. These are purely my own thoughts based what I’ve obtained from show canon. Let me just say I can’t get over just how much these writers contradicted and ignored what they put forth in the journeys of these four individuals. its a real headscratcher.

You mean to tell me that after TWELVE DAMN YEARS of Castiel being a rebellious warrior angel, searching for his own identity and meaning in life; making that promise to Kelly Kline about raising Jack as his own/risking his life for him. After sacrificing himself for his son a year ago, acknowledging he was satisfied with his role as a father which restored his faith; that it was all because of/for Dean Winchester? 

You mean to tell me that after Michael, THE PRINCE OF HEAVEN and PROTECTOR OF HUMANITY, was locked away in a cage with a human whom he emotionally bonded with for thousands of years (10 years our time); who was abandoned, betrayed and manipulated by his neglectful/abusive father. After choosing free will and aligning himself with TFW for humanity’s sake, just sided with the Earth’s destruction because his little brother called him names? 

You mean to tell me that Jack, A THREE YEAR OLD CHILD, who’s barely just beginning his life and spent his entire duration on the show wanting to be normal and not wanting to be special. Connecting and being integrated with humans; a child who’s biggest fear was outliving everyone he ever loved. Is suddenly ready to walk away from his family, his home and his teddy bear; to give up being a kid forever and run the universe?

You mean to tell me that Adam, SUPERNATURAL’S MOST INNOCENT CHARACTER and FORGOTTEN THIRD-WINCHESTER BROTHER, after being eaten by ghouls; pulled away from his mother out of Heaven, manipulated by angels, trapped in Hell for thousands of years because Sam and Dean left him there to rot. After coming back and helping his neglectful siblings save the world only to be ripped away from his best friend and THE ONLY OTHER PERSON who gave a damn about him; is sentenced to a life of loneliness, homelessness and turmoil until he dies and ends up in Hell where he’ll mostly be tortured and turned into a demon?

NO. I DO NOT AND WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS BULLSHIT! 

Season 15 not only manages to contradict itself where these characters are concerned (while assassinating them before the final curtain). But the writers deliberately discarded them before giving us that *sarcasm inserted* epic solo-Winchester conclusion. Regardless of how you feel about Adam, Castiel, Jack or Michael, ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS are connected Sam and Dean’s story and part of Supernatural. And when you throw them away like they mean nothing, you’re essentially throwing away a part of the show’s history. You’re ignoring 15 years worth of story building. 

As I said I’m not going to go into 15x20 for reasons, it doesn’t offend me as much as what was done before that finale. Because I think those other show exits really affect 15x20 even worse than people realize. You want to know why, I’ll explain.

Lets start off with Castiel and Jack, OH BOY! We know where they end up; running Heaven and the Earth together which is all fine and dandy. I love my Dadstiel father/son duo being an endgame family unit. But here in lies the problem, we never saw it. Not even a cameo. And technically their onscreen storyline ends at 15x18 and 15x19 which is an ugly, anti-climatic bookend to an incredibly deep relationship that had 4 years of development. First you have Castiel who completely forgets why he made that deal with the Empty to begin with. HIS FUCKING SON. Not to mention it wasn’t about true happiness it was about giving himself permission to be happy; there is a difference. And then you have Jack wandering around next episode, vacuuming up power cause suddenly he’s a machine now, acting like he doesn’t give a shit over losing his dad to an entity HE’S BEEN DREADING ABOUT FOR A FUCKING YEAR. 

Towards the end of season 15 I noticed neither of these characters were acting like themselves. Their motivations, their personalities and strong ties to one another had mysteriously dissolved. Castiel became less concerned about the danger his son was facing after 15x15 (what the hell was that in 15x17?) and more about speaking when spoken to by either Sam or Dean. Does he know how Dean truly feels about Jack; proclaiming the child is “not family”? I doubt the in-character version of him would let Jack leave with Dean after that insult. Castiel’s not even worried whether or not his son is alive or safe before he makes the big confession later. And for some reason Jack (who’d become heavily suicidal) was more concerned with clinging to the Winchesters, willing to die for them, instead focusing on himself and the one person who’s shown him nothing but unconditional love and given him strength since birth. Both of these characters are canonically depressed and suffer from low self-esteem that was never resolved which makes me furious. 

When Chuck killed Jack at the end of season 14, this devastated Castiel in the first half of season 15. He actually got to grieve that loss throughout the episodes and deal with his anger over it, allowing the audience to anticipate the day they’d be reunited one last time. This part of Castiel’s S15 arc also ironically mirrors Jack’s S13 arc of mourning Castiel’s death until resurrecting him. And when this son finally returned to his father, who got to rescue him, it was such a poignant moment between the two. It was a cathartic payoff after witnessing Castiel in so much pain over Jack. There was so much building up between that Dadstiel reunion in 15x11 and the Empty’s pact in 14x08; this was suppose to be a tragic yet pivotal plot-point in both Jack and Castiel’s stories. And with SPN wrapping up we all expected something BIG. Yet somehow the writers retconned the whole thing by making it all about Dean, which is such a gross disservice to these characters and 4 years of storytelling.

For instance, since 15x18 was Castiel’s exit episode, why wasn’t he allowed to hug his son or Sam goodbye one last time? Why didn’t he have more of a focal role instead of standing around majority of the episode with barely any dialogue as so much precious air time was wasted on frivolous things? Why didn’t he get one last badass fight scene with someone like Death instead of being choked out and tossed around like a powerless mortal? Why did the group need to be split up to begin with when it served no purpose either than that *ugh* moment? Why wasn’t Jack allowed to call Castiel “dad” once before the show ended? He deserved to hear his son address him as dad!

AND WHY THE HELL COULDN’T JACK FEEL CASTIEL’S DEATH THE MOMENT IT HAPPENED? 

The show already established to the audience the significant cosmic bond these two characters shared since before Jack was even born. It was so powerful it boosted Castiel’s grace. Jack could remember who Castiel was from the womb and that he’d protected his mother. Not to mention HE FUCKING RESURRECTED CASTIEL OUT OF THE EMPTY ONCE WITHOUT GOD’S POWER. You’re telling me Jack couldn’t feel his dad being taken away forever despite how far apart they were? No, he’d feel it in his heart. Had we’d been given a scene like that at the end of 15x18 (something of substance) with actual grief shown in 15x19 maybe the episode would’ve faired better for them. 

That said it wasn’t, because Jack was treated the exact same way in his final exit. Hardly any lines and just a bunch of scenes of him standing/walking around until that pathetic reveal at the lake. HE DOESN’T EVEN GET TO INTERACT WITH JAKE ABEL’S MICHAEL/ADAM which would’ve been a great follow-up to the AU!Michael storyline in seasons 13 and 14. I swear these directors didn’t give Alex and Misha any motivation during their last three episodes and it’s evident in their hollow performances. But why would they when the scripts are basically telling their characters to quickly fuck off so the brothers can have their final outing. Jack doesn’t even behave like himself after he becomes the new God. His personality is apathetic, cold, alien, stiff and way too mature for the 3 year old child so closely connected to his family/the human world. In that moment I saw Alex Calvert not Jack Kline. It’s bad enough he doesn’t get a meaningful farewell but again Castiel, HIS DAD, is a complete afterthought to this kid 🥶

And that’s what we’re left with. Forever. A frigid, hollow ending to one of Supernatural’s most healthy, touching, family dynamics. It makes you wonder what was even the point. I can’t even fully enjoy the fact that its canon Jack and Castiel are together fixing Heaven because of what the show presented onscreen as their last hurrah. It’s not sitting right and it makes 15x20 even less appealing to me.

Moving onto Michael and Adam. Get ready for this. I could rant forever about how dirty my boys were done by this show. How they were discarded in the SPN series finale recap etc. just as they were FOR THE LAST TEN FUCKING YEARS. Was there even a plan going on here or was this just everyone making things up as it went? Their ending is the most unsatisfying and cruel thing because its INCOMPLETE. There is no real closure or resolution with them thanks to the monstrosity that was 15x19. AND NO ONE CARES ENOUGH ABOUT THEM TO GIVE A SHIT. 

Much as I’ve enjoyed this show for many years, it NEVER deserved Jake Abel, his talent or his time. I keep seeing so many anti posts about Dean Winchester’s final fate in Supernatural and all I can think about is “try being an Adam Milligan fan for the last decade”.  I’ve had to watch this boy go through hell with nothing to show for it either than years of memes. ridicule and the show’s mockery in forgetting him. Actually he’s the ONLY CHARACTER in this series you’re encouraged not to remember 😡 Also quick question: why give us this really interesting and healthy relationship between an archangel and its vessel if nothing was ever going to become of it? 

At this point I don’t know why Adam or the idea of him was even introduced way back in season 4 let alone revisited in season 5. Because the only thing I see when I look at this character now is SAD WASTED POTENTIAL. Storylines never explored. Relationships that never got off the ground. Backstory we never got to see (like for instance his past with John Winchester and his time in the cage). A character’s birthright (Men of Letters) that was never actualized. AND the unexplained factor that Adam could look directly at Michael’s true form without his eyes burning out (making him a special case). And the thing is he could’ve been a really great character, both him and Michael. They could’ve easily reached popular status just like Castiel given the chance since Jake is a freaking acting-powerhouse. We were given a taste in 15x08 just how awesome these characters could be and how they could’ve contributed so much to the story and its core group. But unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be.

Michael will never redeem himself after years of scrutiny and being made out to be some kind of unhinged monster. This show constantly enjoyed pounding into our brains how fearsome Michael was. Warned us via Lucifer (LUCIFER, PEOPLE!) that he wasn’t rational, compassionate and didn’t care about anything except war, death and destruction. And that he was incapable of feelings and emotions. This is how Supernatural saw Heaven’s Prince and guardian of the Earth. Christ, they actually did a two-year storyline about an evil Michael from the AU world who enjoyed torturing and killing while trying to destroy the universe. I want to know WHAT THE HELL THIS SHOW’S WRITERS HAD AGINST THESE CHARACTERS? Why they felt the need to bring back Jake Abel, AFTER A DECADE OF FANS WANTING THIS, if it was simply to piss all over his characters one last time before the show wrapped. This is absolutely unprofessional and childish; the fact that Jake is taking this bullshit in stride makes it all the more shameful 😡

We could’ve learned so much more about Michael’s past and his present relationship with Adam. These characters didn’t need to sit in the cage for a decade they could’ve easily been incorporated back into the show as far as season 8 or 10! And been an asset to the Darkness storyline in season 11.There were characters and storylines introduced that served no purpose. Why did we need to keep seeing characters like Charlie Bradbury or (as much as I like him) Crowley or Garth (love him too) or Lucifer or Abaddon or the Wayward sisters? I would’ve much preferred having Adam and Michael around and got to know them instead; especially after 15x08. I would’ve wanted to see what their dynamic with TFW could’ve become had they been long-time allies. Did John ever tell Mary about Adam’s existence? I’d like to see what her reaction would’ve been like had the Winchesters remembered him during that damn 300th episode. I guess that’s another loose end untied.

But because of what Supernatural did to these two characters, it forever taints Sam and Dean. I don’t think Dabb or purist fans realize this. But when new viewers come into this show about two brothers preaching important things like “saving people”, “family first” or “family don’t end in blood” they’re going to see how badly the main protagonists treated their innocent half brother. How Castiel and Jack were treated. They’re going to see the heroes of the story abandoning this kid in Hell forever with no intention of EVER rescuing him. And that’s why their final appearance leaves such a bad taste going into 15x20. Cause as much as Dabb and co didn’t give a shit about Adam and Michael they also didn’t give a rat’s ass about protecting Sam and Dean’s integrity. That’ll be a stain they can’t undo. 

So through all of it, we’re stuck with the abomination that is 15x19 aka the eye-soar to an unfinished/unpolished story of two horribly disregarded characters. Michael gets the pleasure of being character assassinated right before he’s stupidly killed off instead of going out a hero or becoming the next God (as it was his birthright and the setup was there in the narrative). And Adam gets killed off-screen, OUT OF HIS OWN DAMN BODY, then brought back by Jack only to live a miserable, isolated existence since his brothers have nothing to do with him (the dog and car are more important); his best friend is dead, he has no job or money or a fucking home and he’s legally dead! Really what is there left for him besides the brutal fate awaiting in Hell when he dies?  

SERIOUSLY THEY COULDN’T GIVE US ONE SCENE WHERE THE WINCHESTERS CHECKED IN ON ADAM TO MAKE SURE HE WAS SAFE?! 🤬 His last scene pretty much sums up this shit for what it is. Tragic. I feel like crying for this poor sweet boy.

Congratulations Dabb, BL and co for giving us these much deserved broken story arcs of characters you destroyed and made OOC before leaving the airways. You did your show’s protagonists justice by doing this *sarcasm inserted* after 15 years of being onscreen. I doubt these idiotic decisions are going to age well in the long run. They certainly don’t look good on the Winchesters. Anyway that’s my hot take for the day. 

ALL THESE ACTORS AND THEIR CHARACTERS DESERVED BETTER.

[dappercritter]

Random She-Ra Season 5 Thoughts: THE FINAL RAMBLING

Yep. I finally got all my crazy absurd thoughts about this gay adventure-romance-drama cartoon summarized into one incoherent yet fun to read computer document/article! ...four months after the show itself ended. Oh well, no one’s perfect. Anyways, there are a whole lot more insane observations than ever before, so I had to put it below a link so this thing didn’t back up my blog or any of yours. Hope you enjoy reading through these as much I enjoyed spouting them for no discernible reason other than I felt like it!

-I feel that since is the last season, I ought to talk about an important part of the show that I’ve been putting off: the animation. It’s… okay. It’s definitely smoother than what the original 80’s show and it’s brother series (heheh) looked like, but at the same time it still seems to suffer from similar limitations which causes some distracting moments of stiffness. But other than that, it’s pretty good. It’s no Titmouse or Studio Mir but it looks good and it gets the job done.

         -After all, let’s not forget: “Imperfection is beautiful!”

-Even when things are at their lowest, Adora is a jock with a heart of gold.

-Horde Prime and the Galactic Horde’s aesthetic feels like a mixture of Catholicism, Scientology, Heaven’s Gate, and modern Microsoft, and honestly, that just makes him creepier.

-Speaking of Horde Prime, he didn’t waste any time with destroying Bright Moon. …apparently.

-Furthermore, on the topic of his giant holographic messages, WAS THAT A FREAKING MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE MOVIE REFERENCE?!

-Boy, Glimmer and Catra sure got along quickly! It’s almost like they magically understand each other because they both assumed leadership roles and screwed up big time! …I guess.

         -Either that or this season is going to be a speedrun.

-Wow, the Rebellion sure got used to having a once-thought-dead king as well as a known enemy general/abuser running around their camp awful fast, didn’t they?

-Mara’s got a spaceship, a cyber girlfriend, a magic grandma, a dragon, a tragic backstory, AND a force ghost?! Dang, even in death, the girl’s got it all. No wonder everyone likes her!

-(*me looking at the TV rating at the start of episode*) “Why is language in there? Is there surprise cuss words or something in this season?” (*sees Horde Prime seize control of a clone for the first time*) “HOLY FREAKING SH—oh that’s why.”

-Applause to the crew for making the “dinner with Prime” scene for making a meal between a sparkly princess, a catgirl, and alien cult leader feel even more uncomfortable than it had a right to.

-(*me throughout the season whenever a clone was onscreen*) Is that Hordak? Is that him? Is that him? Is that him right there? Oh it is—oh no wait. … Is that h—

-Extra applause for having Glimmer learn from her grey-area wetwipe phase and refusing to sell out her friends again whilst telling the imperialist cult leader where to stick it.

-I would pay a sizeable portion of my life savings to hear what a Scorpia and Swift Wind duet would sound like.

         -In fact, I’d double it if it was just Scorpia singing.

         -Ah what the heck. I would triple it for an entire She-Ra musical!

-As happy as I am to see to see Entrapta interacting with the other princesses again, I have to say that their big reunion left me with some mixed feelings. Here’s a quick rundown:

         -Entrapta, a grown autistic woman, being led around on a leash by non-neurodivergent teenagers—again: that’s bad.

         -The Princesses confronting Entrapta about joining the Horde: that’s good!

         -The Princesses blaming all their problems with the Horde bots on Entrapta’s actions and her hyper fixations alone: that’s bad.

         -Entrapta explaining herself, admitting that she regrets her mistakes, and getting the Princesses to understand that she thinks and communicates differently, but in spite of that, she really does want help find Glimmer: that’s good!

         -Entrapta never gets to call out the Princesses for how poorly they treated her: that’s bad.

         -Entrapta saves the day and goes to space: that’s good!

         -Scorpia and Entrapta still haven’t interacted even though the former is with the Rebellion in the first place because she went to look for her because she is her best friend: …can I go home now?

-How nice! Michah finally got to shapeshift!

         -And he’s rocking that She-Ra outfit to boot!

-So is Darla a back up of Light Hope or do they just run on the same operating system and have the same voice?

-I could watch an entire season of Adora, Bow, and Entrapta going on space adventure in a rundown ship with their custom-made spacesuits, tbh.

-Is anyone else weirded out that Catra’s younger self looked at her in her flashback(?).

         -Actually what WAS happening there, anyhow?

-(*watching Bow’s spacewalk to save Glimmer*) “Is that a Gravity reference?” asked the man who never saw Gravity.

-Speaking of spacewalks, how did Glimmer survive those precious few seconds in space? Does the teleporter teleport a breathable atmosphere too?

         -Also, Catra, WHY did you think it would be a good idea to teleport Glimmer into space? I know you had a plan and the ship was right there but… Ah, never mind.

-Not that I’m complaining but Glimmer’s apology to the rest of the friend squad for her HORRIBLE plan last season went… surprisingly quickly.

-You know as cool as The Star Siblings are, being a quirky band of space-travelling siblings with cool powers and some trans rep to boot, I only have one small problem with them: weren’t there already Star Sisters on Etheria back in season 1?

         -That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about Masters of the Universe characters to dispute it.

-Entrapta confirmed pan, objectum, AND horny on main. Dang girl, you’re gonna have fun whether you got Hordak back or not…

-“The Velvet Glove” is both a menacing and stupid name for a decadent overlord’s mothership.

         -Wait, it’s from the 80’s canon? Oh. That kind of explains it, actually.

-Goshdangit, I wanted Catra to face punishment for her crimes, but I didn’t think that would involve going to evil alien conversion therapy!

         -Nor did I want her to die! For a second. Actually, since it obviously wasn’t going to last I was… weirdly okay with that part???

-Horde Prime seems awfully okay with Catradora. I mean he’s still super creepy and manipulative about it, but also oddly progressive for an evil brainwashing cult leader.

-(*Adora transforms into a She-Ra through seer will*) First of all, called it. Second of all, WOAH MAMA now that’s a glow up!

-Wrong Hordak did not have to be a thing, and yet, I’m glad that he is.

-Hordak remembers the LUVD crystal and Entrapta… Hordak remembers Entrap—! It’s happening! Oh my gosh, it’s happening! Everybody stay calm!

-Wow, Entrapta didn’t have to be so forgiving of Catra for everything she’s done to her but she did. Only I’m not sure if that was Entrapta taking the high road or the low road.

         -Or which road the crew took for that matter.

-I remember when I thought those “Chipped AUs” floating around here on tumblr were just something the fans came up with and that chipping people was not an actual despicable thing Prime does in canon. I miss those days.

-I know it’s not the same as before or the original design, but True She-Ra’s designs and powers? I think they slappin’.

-Hooray, Adora and Catra are finally making up! And it only took four and half seasons worth of communication failures, toxic villainous behaviour, and physical violence for Catra to snap out of it!

         -…We can go back to Entrapdak now, right?

-Poor Elberon. First they unknowingly adopt a double agent then get invaded by the Horde and now they’re getting brainwashed and chipped by the Galactic Horde. They might be a cute village, but they got some pretty lousy security.

-You know it’s cute that Micah is doing his best to be friends with Frosta and get back in touch with his dad-side, but look I can’t be the only one worried about how the local King is a less proactive leader than the princesses or the known war criminal/abuser, right?

-“The Perils of Peekablue” or as I like to call it, “You Thought ‘Boys Night Out’ Caught You Emotionally Off-guard? Hah! Watch This.”

-You know I didn’t think Scorpfuma would be a thing aside that one moment of flirting near the end of season 4, but they really pushed for it to be a thing! This is… actually pretty great! Perfuma’s not perfect, and I would have appreciated giving them a little more time to bond and form some real chemistry, but at least she reciprocates Scorpia’s sweetness instead of rebuffing it in increasingly aggressive fashion.

-I’m not sure what’s more concerning: that Mermista set a boat on fire, that it’s worded like she had a fling as part of some experimental phase, or that Sea Hawk is turned on by this.

-Peekablue might not be real, (I think?) but he is one dapper dude! Female-to-male redesigns could learn a thing or two from him.

-It involved them getting stung and seizuring, but that was a heck of a way to reintroduce Double Trouble! I swear I got watching them cycle through their transformations in some sort of physical reaction.

         -Or maybe that was just me worrying about their wellbeing…

-Okay, I get the Chips are huge, and actually rather clever threat, but how do these characters get chipped in the first place? I get there are chipped people who spread the chips throught the population but where do they get those from???

         -Do one of those Horde Prime drones just sneak behind someone, slap a chip on their nape then hand them a whole bagfull and say, “Beep boop beep, Horde Prime’s Light, blah blah blah. Alright have fun, kiddo”?

         -Or is it some sort of Alien: Covenant deal where they’re just floating around and Lord help you if one sticks to you?

-HOLY CRAP THEY ACTUALLY GOT SCORPIA TO SING! AND SHE WAS GREAT!

         -Oh shoot. Guess I owe the crew twice my life savings now…

-Entrapdak might be what got me into this show, but it’s Double Trouble that kept me around, so you can imagine how happy I was to see them make their grand reappearance!

-Conversly, you can imagine my disappointment when they just disappeared until the finale.

         -And on that note: HOW DID YOU GUYS LOSE DOUBLE TROUBLE?!

                  -You forgot to cherish them, didn’t you?

-So, Scorpia sacrifices herself just after finding a new girlfriend and gaining some newfound confidence, Mermista and Sea Hawk are split up,and Double Trouble didn’t join the main cast. Why can’t you just have fun like a normal cartoon, show?

-Gosh, I love me some shifting title cards!

-Is it just me or did they sneak in some more Annihilation references on Krytis?

         (-Said the guy who was too chicken to watch the movie and just read about it and watched a few clips online.)

-(*audibly sighs*) FINE. I guess I like Catradora now. Are you happy now, SPOP Crew? ARE YOU?!

-Hooray, Catra’s got a emotional support animal! And they’re a shapeshifting magic alien cat. Those are the best kind!

-Is it weird that I knew that weird glowing stuff on Krytis was just magic all along, or was it just not hidden very well. Anyways, I like Krytis. I like that we got to see a truly alien world with its own form of magic.

-Plus, we got a logical advancement of the magic versus science subtheme with magic being Horde Prime’s weakness! Neato!

-Getting back on the “which is worse?” wagon for a second, I don’t know what feels less right: that Wrong Hordak’s big revelation and his resolution to free himself and his brothers and friends from Horde Prime’s control is played humorously, or that Real Hordak should be the one having this moment.

-That bit with Castaspella and Shadow Weaver where she tells Casta about Etheria being a living thing with inherent magical property, or whatever, while we got a peaceful shot of some boar creatures sleeping was actually kind of nice. It would have been nicer though if it wasn’t part of a power hungry abuser’s obvious scheme. If only there was a kindly old witch lady character who was in touch with nature and knew just what to say when someone was feeling downOH WAIT.

-Furthermore… Why did Shadow Weaver and Castaspella need to have romantic tension?

-Seriously though, where’s our Madame Razz quota this season? Where’s my supportive magic grandma timelord at, yo?

-Yup, they speedran this season.

-I’m actually really disappointed we didn’t see more of an intergalactic new rebellion rising up to fight Horde Prime’s forces across the universe. Especially if it meant we got to see more Star Sibling action!

-Again, I adore Wrong Hordak but I keep wondering what was keeping the crew from just bringing in Original Flavour Hordak. (You know, aside from teasing us Entrapdak fans and trying to distract us with a loveable new character in the meantime.) I mean he could have done the whole infiltrating the clone squads and tricking them bit, too.

         -Heck, he could have done the wink, too!

-I’d gleefully point out Loo-Kee’s cameo this season but apparently, they already made some several seasons ago. That’s what I get for not rewatching the 80’s show and training my eyes first.

-(*sees Erelandians*) Are those freaking Toads and Toadettes?

-So, what’s keeping them from just hitting Spinerella’s chip again? Besides emotional baggage and gale force winds, I mean.

-Perfuma coming out of a cave scared out of her wits, demanding to know who’s there, clinging to her friends as soon as they come back, and balling her eyes out is a big, BIG mood.

-Frosta absolutely decking Catra in the face was nestled somewhere between cathartic and excessive.

         -Netossa spraying her with a bottle of water on the other hand…

-Oh, so Greyskull was the name of a Rebel Squad! I think. Meh, the important thing is we got an explanation and it still sounds cool.

-Leave it to a couple of dads to make a secret message out of a dad joke.

-You know I made fun of Light Hope for being creepy, but I swear that avatar from the Spire is even creepier. I don’t know if it’s her face—those dang blank eyes, man—or just that it she’s less animated than the real thing, but it just felt… off.

-Aww, Noelle made Netossa’s princess weakness illustrations! So cute!

-Forget episodes that deserves Emmys, Keston John deserves one for voicing Hordak, Horde Prime, all the clones, and several minor villains and giving each and every single one a distinct voice! Where my king’s respect, eh?

-Yes, Catra you had a small disagreement with Hordak. …Over sending his girlfriend and your “friend” to DIE IN A LITERAL LIVING HELL.

         -Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system.

-Why does Perfuma get pressured to get angry and go wild when Entrapta’s the one who’s had it the worst out of all them? Why can’t my gamer girl go berserk, dammit!?

-Okay, but really, how do these fricking chips work??? Are they parasite devices who store Horde Prime’s Baptizing Dew then slowly pump it into their host’s bodies? Do they have their own nervous systems? Are they technorganic? Also, how and why do we need to make these chips are bigger threat then they need to be?

-Horde Prime showing up on Hordak’s throne in grand Killing Joke style and casually throwing shades at his brother’s overblown attempts to impress him is pretty awesome, but it feels strangely underdeveloped. Hordak’s not there to have his hard work insulted and we never got to see Adora have any similar encounter with Hordak here before, so unless you look at it from the perspective of someone who has been here before in the Horde story like Catra it lacks the dramatic weight it should have had.

-Scorpia resisting the chip to save her new friends was pretty great, though.

-I swear, when they got to the scene where Adora and the others figured out that Shadow Weaver was grooming her so she could use her to get to the Heart of Etheria, I was mouthing “You B***H” through the whole thing.

-They really brought back Etherian deep magic just so they had something to make Micah threatening. …okay.

-Okay, the rest of “Failsafe” messed me up, so here’s a rundown on all the other messy thoughts I had while the show ripped my heart and ground it to dog food:

         -Entrapta and Hordak reuniting: Yay!

         -Swift Wind yanking her away before she can get through to him: Boo.

         -Catra encouraging Adora to try and take care of herself for a change: Yay!

         -Adora hurts Catra and she runs away: Boo.

         -Adora finally calling out Shadow Weaver on what an utterly horrible person she is: Yay!

         -Adora resolves to risk sacrificing herself to save the world: Bo—okay, seriously, was all this suffering really necessary, show?

-I know I mentioned in my previous She-Ra random thoughts that I supported Glimmadora, but I am okay with Catradora and Glimbow ending up canon. The only problem I have is how rushed they feel—moreso with Glimbow. With Catradora, the crew had an entire season to make it work again and they took it. Glimbow it feels like they were down to the last few episodes and went, “Oh right, we were gonna do something with these two!” then did their darndest to fit in some chemistry in between all the other stuff going down.

-As ominous as it was, the music where Horde Prime starts hacking Etheria honestly SLAPS.

-Okay, I know everyone is magic or something, but I am legit surprised getting electrocuted in water didn’t kill the heroes right then and there.

-Sea Hawk tries to flirt with his girl even as she’s trying to kill him. Truly, he is a man of taste.

-What do you know, Shadow Weaver can only do good when she’s (canonically!) punch drunk.

-You know a whole lot of this could have been avoided if Holo-Mara was Adora’s mentor instead of Light Hope.

-When I think about it, it was actually really clever to make Horde Prime the final villain for Adora to face: a domineering decadent man who’s been in power forever against a humble emotionally vulnerable compassionate young woman.

         -Not to mention the divide between cult-like oppression and progressive freedom. Or something.

-Holy crap, did the First Ones get a great freaking a Great Old One for a guard dog?!

-So, you guys seriously didn’t bring Angella back to reunite with her family OR mention her all season after the impact her death had on everyone all last season until Glimmer needs a power-up at the last possible minute and then you never bring her up again. That is absolutely a dick move in bird culture.

-Entrapta’s hacker sticker gives me life. Gamer girl gremlin princess forever!

-On the one hand, I’m disappointed that Adora and Catra don’t get to have an awesome couple battle against the security monster and win. On the other hand, Shadow Weaver is finally dead. YAY!

         -With apologies to the writers and especially Lorraine Toussaint. She did splendidly bringing this character to life and even if I hated Shadow Weaver, I adored the effort she put into making her one of the most emotionally complex villains I’ve ever seen.

-Words cannot, will not, and will never describe the pure joy that I experienced when I first saw Hordak’s big scene: standing up to and disowning his tyrant brother, saving Entrapta, declaring his love to her (albeit in a nicely lowkey fashion), and then throwing Horde Prime to his apparent doom Disney style with Entrapta cheering him with sheer glee. GOSH, it was everything I could have hoped for from this season!

         -Now if only they kept the deleted scene where they got a moment to themselves before Prime body-jacked him again like the creepy sonuvabich he is.

-Horde Prime just wouldn’t be a religious villain if he didn’t tell everyone to burn.

         -Bonus points for actually trying to burn the frigging planet.

-Aside from the idea of Adora switching to wearing a She-Ra themed dress everywhere in the future, the future vision was really quite sweet, and seeing Prime step in to ruin it made it all the more impactful.

-Can I just say that it’s absolutely wonderful that the show, for all it’s flaws, said  “**** senseless heroic sacrifices”?

-BREAKING: Lesbian cat finally makes up with her jock ex, has a canon kiss so pure it saves the world!

         -In other news, Catradora fans are still spoiled rotten.

-Wow, look at all those character comebacks they skipped through! Look, there’s the chefs from Dryl, Double Trouble, Huntara, the Horde Trio, Imp, Madame Razz—are you kidding me?!

-Grumbling aside, I actually find the idea of the Horde Trio and Imp getting involved in a G-rated science-fantasy version of the first Hangover movie quite amusing.

-Oh dang, they pulled a Castle in the Sky with the Velvet Glove!

-As nice as it was to see Aodra save Hordak from Horde Prime and destroy the latter through exorcism via sheer compassion, I’m rather disappointed we never got to see She-Ra go full Metal Gear Solid Rising: Revengence on any creepy old cult leaders.

         -Yeah, it would have gone against the “love conquers all” set up, but love takes on many forms, does it not? So, why can it not manifest as cleaving your mortal enemies with extreme prejudice to save your loved ones?

-Furthermore, in addition to Holo-Mara being a better mentor, Hordak raising Adora instead Shadow Weaver could have prevented a lot of similar problems. Maybe. Possibly.

         -Eh whatever, he has a lifetime’s worth of fanfiction to make up for it.

-ENTRAPDAK IS CANON, ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.

-And so is Catradora and Glimbow! That’s nice, too.

-Aww, how sweet of them to skip through Catra and Scorpia, and Glimmer and Micah’s big reunions! It’s not like we’ve been waiting forever for this stuff or anything. HahahahAHAHAHDHAHAHFHAFHKSADJHFKAJHDfine.

-And so it all ends with everyone either friends, in love, or both, as heroes decide to make up for it all with a grandiose sequel promising more exciting space adventures we probably won’t see! HOORAY!

-All snarky ranting aside, I actually really enjoyed the finale. It was exciting, heartwarming, and above all it ended on happy, hopeful note without leaving too many frustrating questions unanswered. (*glares with utmost contempt at Voltron and Star vs. The Forces of Evil*)

-You know, this wasn’t bad for a final season, but I think this might have worked better as two seasons. Not in Netflix’s cheap “split a regular 13-episode season in two 6-7 episode long seasons” strategy, but I mean two full seasons with their own storylines leading up to the grand finale:

         -First, one that starts out with Horde Prime’s arrival the downfall of Etheria, focuses on the space adventures, ends with their return to Etheria and gives the characters time to recuperate from season 4.

         -Then, we have one final season that focuses on the Best Friend Squad’s Return to Etheria, Horde Prime’s plan, gives everyone more time to properly reconcile before ¾ of the entire cast gets chipped, sets up a new Rebellion made up of Princess Alliance and former Etherian Horde members, maybe even set up a proper Hordak redemption arc or something, and then our big happy ending.

-On a mostly unrelated note, I also feel that the whole show could have turned out even better if it had been either a dedicated science-fantasy war drama with some levity (like the good Star Wars shows or Avatar: The Last Airbender) or a lighthearted yet empowering slice-of-life action-adventure romcom (i.e. basically a well-made remake of the original show in the style of Adventure Time and Parks and Rec or something).

-My final random thought for this whole thing: we really could have used a triumphant end credits song or something. Aside from obviously recommending Fabulous Secret Powers, I would have also recommended the original 4 Non Blondes “What’s Going On,” a reprise of “Warriors,” Gorillaz’s “We Got the Power,” or (my favourite) Talking Head’s “(Nothing But) Flowers” since the ending scenes remind me of it.

Thanks again to the crew for giving me something to live for and/or complain about!

Now, let’s hope the He-Man reboots do as well...

[hysteriaww]

Your favorite bonkai scene and why?

Oooohh i’ve never gotten a Bonkai ask before how exciting!! Ok possibly a controversial opinion but I honestly love the TVD 8x14 Bonkai scene in the 2018 prison world because:

1) The way the scene was lit up with that sultry red mood lighting like bonkai were about to film a porno right then and there was so perfect bc of how RED is just the perfect color to represent their whole dynamic (blood/rage/lust)

2) The fact that we got to hear Kai canonically call Bonnie “hot.” Even tho it was already canon that he was crazy attracted to her by this point, we’d never actually gotten to hear him (or really any hot charismatic dude on TVD) call Bonnie “pretty”/“hot” etc. until this scene, at which point literally NOBODY could deny that a charismatic, hot, fan-favorite character like kai was attracted to bonnie anymore

3) “Are you here to punish me? ‘Cause that’s kinda hot” as he smirks at her all chained up at her mercy and checks her out FELT LIKE WATCHING A FEVER DREAM COME TO LIFE bcs that was honestly something straight out of the realm of fanfiction and the fact that OUR SHIP actually got THAT LINE gave me 20 extra years of life. To me, it honestly felt like that line was specifically inserted just for the Bonkamily in a rare display of kindness towards us from plague??

4) Bonnie smirking and looking so pleased with herself and Kai’s situation like she was genuinely enjoying toying with him. Bcs that really cemented in canon the fact that iNnoCeNt Bonnie enjoys their antagonistic cat-and-mouse battle of wits game just as much as pSyChO Kai does!! (Which is why it’s bullshit that plague claimed Bonnie was “too pure” for someone as dark as Kai bcs clearly this proved she’s more complex than that smh)

5) Super tiny detail, but the fact that Bonnie knew Two Princes by The Spin Doctors was a song Kai hated, low-key warmed my heart bcs.. even tho she hates him she somehow knows, remembers, and keeps track of exactly what his taste in music is and which songs he likes/dislikes?? It made their “hate” feel more personal/intimate to specifically each other

6) The fact that this scene made it so that Kai’s last word on TVD was “Bonnie” (which is also incidentally the only TVDU name he ever gets right lmfao)

7) Bonkai narrative closure (at least for me). Back when I was watching S6 and all I knew about the finale was that Kai was gonna die, my mind had instinctively assumed “ok well if Kai dies then obv Bonnie’s probably the one who kills him, considering all their history. If anyone kills him, it should be her. She makes the most narrative sense. It would bring their whole arc full circle and serve as poetic justice/resolution for both her and him. Ok I think I’ll be sad but fine with him dying if she’s the one who gets to kill him.” So imagine my damn shock when I reached the TVD 6x22 Bonkai showdown scene expecting some epic fireworks display of a fight, but all I got was 2 secs of banter and actual fighting before DAMON of all people killed him…??? THAT felt like one of the biggest injustices to Bonkai (in a sea of other injustices). So when the Bonkai 8x14 scene came along, and this time, BONNIE was the one who got to defeat Kai ALONE with zero involvement from the eternal Bonkai cock-block/third-wheel Damon, and she was truly the last character to interact with Kai onscreen, it felt like I finally got what I’d wanted in S6. (It also opened the floodgates for a SEA of Bonkai fanfic possibilities with how surprisingly open-ended it left them).

…I didn’t expect my answer to end up being this long but then again it’s Bonkai! Thanks for your question!

[recurring-polynya]

A lot of people complain about not understanding the tagging system on AO3. I feel like I have it down pretty well, but one thing I always waffle on is side ships.

There are two major purposes to tags-- finding stuff you like and filtering out stuff you don’t like. Even this is a teensy bit difficult, because I write the slowest of slow burns, so sometimes things are shippy to me that you would need a Geiger counter of some sort to detect the actual romance. However, as Certified RenRuki Trash, I feel pretty comfortable that people who are looking for Renji/Rukia are gonna be happy to find my fics and people who don’t want to see it are not gonna be reading my stuff anyway.

There is not a lot  kind of a lot of peripheral romantic relationships in my fics (I started to say there wasn’t and then I made a list and realized I was A Liar) and I rarely, if ever tag it. I did tag Rikichi/Hanatarou in my latest fic, because, even though it was minor, it was a plot point, and there were numerous scenes about it, and they kissed onscreen. Also, there are only 4 Rikichi/Hanatorou fics on AO3, so I might as well throw a bone to anyone wallowing in pasty sidekick4sidekick hell.

Byakuya/Hisana is also a thing that is obviously both canon and relevant to my work, but the only time I’ve tagged it was when I had actual flashbacks to them interacting.

I guess here’s the thing: I, to my shame, will read almost anything that is tagged Renji/Rukia, as long as it isn’t preceded by one of my Big NoTPs. I am so thirsty, I will take the smallest crumb anyone will throw me. For the most part, I come away fairly disappointed, but there are a few times I have found really great fics these way. I would love it if someone read my fic and felt the same way, but I would hate it if someone read something of mine and felt like they had been falsely advertised to. Obviously, I would like it if more people read my fic, but that isn’t my driving motivation here. I just want people who would enjoy them to read my fanfics.

I don’t think any of my sideships are the ones that people get worked up about, so I worry less that someone would read one of my fics and halfway thru, get super pissed because Shuuhei is flirting with Izuru, but... maybe? I don’t know! The last thing I want is anyone to read my fics and be mad about it.

I wish AO3 had, like, a minor/major tag modifier, I feel like that would solve a lot of my problems. I don’t use those much, though, because they cause work for the tag wranglers and/or they don’t work in the filters anyway. Sometimes, I try to just add extra descriptive tags, like the classic “everyone has crushes on everyone else because teens.” I do my best, but if you have any opinions, I’d be interested in hearing them.

Bonus, because I love talking about my fanfic, under the cut are all the side ships that are more or less explicit in my mainline fic.

Ikkaku and Yumichika are effectively married, except that aren’t into institutions. They are extremely low-key about it for the most part, unless they take you into their inner circle and then it’s too much information all the time, RIP Abarai Renji.

Ukitake and Kyouraku are soulbound, a thing I have defined as part of my personal World-Building. They are together on a level that transcends friendship and romance. They have been together for going-on one thousand years, and I feel like they go through phases of being more or less romancey and being close to each other and going off and doing their own things. Their relationship is a source of comfort and power and healing to them. They have a bunch of extremely sweet combo attacks and they can do gonzo stuff like cast kidou together. It’s basically the Old Married People Power-up because I am an old married person and I do what I want.

Urahara and Tessai are as married as two dead gay dudes living in Japan in 2002 can be. Probably Shinji got ordained online and they had a big party. Maybe when they get un-banished, they can make it official and Yoruichi is going to be a giant runny mascara disaster.

IchiHime is gonna happen, as per WDKALY. Rukia and Renji both ship it hard. This is the one relationship that I know people might take issue at, but I’ve only ever referred to it in the most passing of ways, it’s canon and I’ve already marked the fic as canon-compliant, and also, I feel like the intersection of people who are pro-RenRuki and anti-IchiHime is pretty small, but maybe I’m wrong.

Back at the Academy, Momo had a crush on Renji. She is very, very over it. Izuru had crushes on both Momo and Renji. He is... mostly... over both of them.

Renji and Shuuhei used to date around the time Shuuhei became a lieutenant and Renji was still in Squad 11. It was a surprisingly healthy relationship between two himbos who were Going Through A Lot Right Now. It ran its course and Renji broke it off, claiming that he needed to knuckle down on passing the Lieutenant’s exam, but it was really because they’d started hanging out with Kira again, and he could tell that Kira and Hisagi really wanted to hook up.

Kira, Hisagi and Matsumoto are not really in a relationship, but they end up having sex with each other a lot. About once a year, Hisagi and Kira will Forget What Happened Last Time and try to have a relationship. It will last approximately 24 hours, the Izuru-Renji-Momo group text will blow up, and they’ll get banned from the Seireitei Waffle House, again.

I am never going to write Hitsugaya with anyone. There’s not even a tag for this, and it would be overkill to tag this, but if anyone is reading my stuff in hopes that he’s gonna get some action eventually, it’s not gonna happen. It’s not that I think he’s ace or anything (and there are some characters that I think are), and I love this weird, neurotic babyman a lot, but I just got nothing for him, romance-wise, even aged up. He does develop a deeply strange BroTP with Byakuya and I tag it every time because Hitsugaya & Byakuya is the most important relationship in Bleach and I don’t want anyone to miss out.

[captainharunanase]

So I made a long thread about Shiro on Twitter and I even did one for Allura too. I'm gonna keep writing about key events that no longer matter in s8 despite them clearly meant to be callbacks but now are irrelevant on there since I'll be logged out tomorrow here.

And I'm still not ok.

I haven't slept well or eaten much since Friday and I literally just stayed in bed the whole time trying to understand where did I go wrong in interpreting Sheith and Allurance and wondering why I'm once again doing the same thing 2 years prior when Bleach ended and IR was completely destroyed like Voltron did to those ships.

You guys don't understand. Everything I have read and commented on these past 3 days--all yalls talk about how betrayed you feel and how illogical the ending is to Allura and Shiro and so on and how canon was completely thrown out on the later half of s8 (if I'm trying to be nice about it cuz I'll be honest the first episode sent me red flags when we didn't see Shiro's version of relaxation nor him meeting Keith to watch the sunset) but I digress

All those posts I read of how even outsiders can't understand how vld did this and even other shippers upset on our behalf too.

This chaos is exactly what I experienced with Bleach. That series fucking destroyed me. I was in that fandom for 10+ years.

I bought its manga and light novels, watched every episode, read every interview, paid to see every movie, and I did all this because the entirety of Bleach was made up of IR and their deep unbreakable bond. The type of bond that drove the story of how no matter what happened, they had each other's backs and were never going to give up on one another when if the whole world did.

Bleach is literally IR and when it betrayed me in the final arc with Ichigo and Rukia barely interacting with each other unless it was work-related, how OOC they acted when the other was in danger, the lack of closeness they used to have and then lo' and behold the last chapter was a timeskip of Ichigo retiring and no longer living his dream while he had to, its implied in a light novel, watch Rukia marry some other dude she clearly wasn't as connected to as him and apparently they don't regularly see each other anymore since then.

Voltron is doing exactly what Bleach did in the end by starting off amazingly with an incredible bond but ended by erasing that bond's importance to the story despite the irony that said bond was literally the foundation of the series itself.

I am so heartbroken and feel so empty. I literally got into Voltron to cope with Bleach. I joined this fandom so I could heal from what Tite Kubo did to all his main characters and how he disrespected IR's bond with a bullshit ending that made no sense outside the final arc that just threw everything prior away.

Everything yall been saying is a complete echo and copy of what the Bleach fandom felt when it ended so horribly.

The creator btw is still silent about his ending and hasn't spoken about his reasons for destroying his 15 year old manga. He says he's finally done and that hurt me more than the ending.

And now I'm sitting in my bed in the dark wondering how the fuck I wound up back in this same empty feeling I tried to escape 2 years ago.

Sheith and Allurance was supposed to be different. Their bond was supposed to surpass the evil in Voltron and save the day.

They weren't supposed to be tossed aside and used like some cheap novelty for woke points and shock value.

I'm literally in a loop of the devastating feelings of what I felt in Bleach now being placed in Voltron and I honestly can't believe this is happening to me again.

I'm so hurt I don't want to eat and I'm so tired I don't want to sleep.

But I'm pushing myself and I'm not going to let this go down quietly. I'll be loud and I will make sure DW hears my frustration.

I couldn't do it for Bleach since Tite Kubo resides in Japan and has little care for his western fanbase.

But DW is right here in western soil and they will definitely hear my heartbreak and anguish.

You don't kill off your female character because you think it'll be traumatic and shock worthy without a preamble to explain how this could possibly be the ONLY way despite her growth through her lose and her finally finding love in someone who never stopped believing in her--who is now a hollow shell of who he use to be and is now apparently mourning her lose and yearns for her ghost and can't move on from her.

And you most definitely don't just marry the only lgbt man in the show with a literal nobody that the actual staff don't even know the name of or the viewers and even said character himself who never had an onscreen written development between them while singlehandedly shoving the only connection the man had with the main character who literally went through every unimaginable tragedy to save his life and bring him back from the brink of death itself only to have said MC not even be properly seen in the wedding but is instead hidden and unable to see whether he is happy for the man he gave his heart to.

I'm tired and hurt but if Bleach taught me anything it's to persevere and never stop fighting.

And that's what I'm going to be doing for Voltron--for Shiro and Allura.

This isn't right and I know DW knows it too.

[taaroko]

Post-IW MCU Rewatch: Avengers: Age of Ultron

Time for the Long Weekend of Ultron. If you’re looking for a negative review, this will not be that. Maybe I am easily satisfied, but I dislike zero of the MCU movies. As long as characters I love are onscreen and being awesome and especially when they’re interacting with other characters I love, I’m going to end up with overall positive experience. That being said, this movie is my least favorite in which Thor appears, and it’s probably close to the bottom of my ranking.

I saw a post yesterday pointing out that this is the only movie in which Thor uses lethal force against humans. In the opening sequence when they’re taking down the latest in a long series of Hydra bases, he’s wasting a bunch of dudes without hesitating. Like the person who made that post, I’m pretty sure Thor is not cool with your fascist BS, especially if he knows that they love using Norse symbolism.

Is this the only time Steve uses his motorcycle as a projectile? Because I kind of think it’s not, but I can’t remember for sure. 

“Can we hold them?” “They’re the Avengers!”

I love Thor and Cap’s combo moves so much.

“Good talk!” “No it wasn’t.”

“Please be a secret door please be a secret door please be a secret door—yay!”

The lullaby is always going to be hilarious now.

Well that was an extremely effective way of activating Tony’s guilt complex.

What’s Wanda’s deal? She saw what Tony saw, right? She knows Tony’s greatest fear is failing to stop an alien invasion and Earth’s destruction—of surviving all of that while his friends don’t (ooooouch). Is she already doubting the plan, or what?

“Tales of sprained deltoids and...gout.” Thor is so very wonderfully bad at backtracking from a foot-in-mouth moment.

Oh wow, Tony asked Thor for permission to keep the Scepter long enough to check it out before he’d take it back to Asgard.

“Will...Thor be there?” SAME, GIRL.

“We don’t have time for a City Hall debate.” This is the last time Tony will be so averse to oversight.

Okay so I’m confused. Did Tony recycle part of an interface Hydra was building? Because that would kind of explain how it ended up thinking humanity was too defective to be allowed to live?

Ultron killing JARVIS hurts so much worse than I ever would’ve expected it to hurt to watch an electronic butler get killed.

Thor is telling a bunch of old veterans war stories! That’s so great!

“This was aged for a thousand years in the barrels built from the wreck of Brunnhilde’s fleet. It is not meant for mortal men.” Wait a second. Brunnhilde? As in, Valkyrie from Ragnarok? Seriously? She gets a name in this movie but not the one she’s actually in? But it’s pretty cool they made kegs out of her ships. I’m assuming this wreck happened before the disastrous attack on Hela, which means Brunnhilde could probably decide how to repurpose all the wood. Barrels of mead definitely sounds like something she’d sign off on.

Also does this mead get Steve drunk? I feel like it should at least be able to do that. And it’s great that Thor hands some to him in the same breath that he says it’s not for mortals. He thinks very highly of Steve.

I wonder how often Steve hangs around with old veterans.

I’m completely fine with Bruce/Natasha. ...But my ship is Bucky/Nat.

Hehe, it’s Steve’s turn to be Natasha’s wingman.

The hammer scene is fantastic.

I saw a review thing where someone talked about how there’s a stupid gag where Bruce’s face lands on Nat’s boobs, and I couldn’t for the life of me remember what that was. Well I just found it, and...that is not how you play something like that for cheap laughs. They don’t linger on it, they don’t make risqué comments. Nat is so not bothered by it that she doesn’t even acknowledge his apology, and Bruce doesn’t even seem that embarrassed. Nat is entirely focused on making sure what’s happening around them isn’t enough to make him hulk out.

Okay yeah, Ultron went straight back to the Hydra facility after they killed all his Iron Legion bodies, which definitely makes me think they used some of Hydra’s interface to make him. And I think Tony was so willing to do it because of how Wanda messed with his brain, cranking up the paranoia about alien threats.

Thor is not happy that Tony spent the time he graciously allowed him before taking the scepter back to Asgard messing around with it like this.

Is it weird for Andy Serkis to play human characters after doing so many mo-cap roles?

“Keep your friends rich and your enemies rich and wait to find out which is which.”

Ultron has so far talked about evolution, quoted scripture, and quoted famous poetry. He’s gotten remarkably cultured already, and he’s let it make him super pretentious.

I’m pretty sure they realized going in that they were never going to top Days of Future Past’s version of Quicksilver, so they didn’t really try and then also killed him off so they wouldn’t have to. But where that Quicksilver is ridiculously fun, this one has more emotional weight. And an arc.

Okay. So I think Wanda tapped into Tony’s fears (born from his glimpse through the portal) and Thor’s slight aptitude for foresight (as indicated in his dreams of Asgard burning in Ragnarok). Steve has neither of those things, and she made him see a messed up version of the past he wishes he could go back to. She made Nat see the past she regrets, and she just made Bruce hulk out. I don’t think Wanda herself has any ability to see the future.

Oh hey, Wolfram & Hart are in Thor’s dream.

Also foreshadowing to his level up in lightning powers. Hmmm. I wonder if Heimdall’s warning is that Ragnarok will pave the way for Thanos.

The entire Veronica sequence is awesome. But the best part is Tony’s jackhammer punches/Chinese finger trap. Also Tony’s face after Hulk spits out a tooth.

The wind down of the fight is the origin of “Earth hate Hulk.” Aww.

I do not understand the hate Clint’s family gets. I could not have been happier to discover that the reason he doesn’t have a girlfriend is that he has a wife and kids. Statistically, it’s nice that at least one Avenger has a family. It’s okay for there to be a stay-at-home mom somewhere in the MCU. And it’s wonderful that Natasha has kind of been adopted by the Barton family.

Thor and Steve’s faces during the whole bit where Thor steps on a toy house are hilarious. Awwwwwwwww Thor left because he’s worried he’s a danger to them, because of his vision! That’s so sad!

Ooh, was that the first time Clint’s been called Hawkeye in the movies?

I don’t understand the vitriol against Natasha’s attitude about being sterilized as a young teenager. That moment was the rite of passage that sealed her role as a KGB assassin. To her, it is symbolic of everything she did for them and gave up for them. And it’s their philosophy that motherhood could compromise an agent, not the movie’s. This doesn’t mean she wishes she could be Laura Barton. She plays all these different roles and weaves all these different lies because it makes it easier to hide from her past, and Wanda just brought that all back to the surface. She’s allowed to be upset that she let a hostile government agency mutilate her and limit her options for the future. It’s tragic, not problematic, that she, as the sum of her entire past, considers herself monstrous. This is just more “I’ve got red in my ledger.” And she’s a little bit playing this up because she wants Bruce to stop fighting what they could have together. She doesn’t want him thinking something like that she deserves more than someone like him.

You don’t have a dark side, Steve. Don’t be silly. But here are sown the seeds of Civil War. Winter Soldier has made Steve very opposed to using force as a preventative measure, and it has also made him very mistrustful of putting someone else in charge, but now Tony’s giving him reasons not to trust him either. For Steve, there will never be a time to retire. This is why I’m convinced he’ll die in Avengers 4, and why I desperately hope Tony will be allowed to retire.

“I need your help. It’s dangerous.” In the deleted scenes, yeah.

“Guy’s multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit.” *snort*

Clint’s darts game is great.

“Hoo, I’m decrypting nuclear codes and you don’t want me to.”

What is this power Ultron has to make big chunks of stuff move? Is it magnetic? Because that wouldn’t explain him moving chunks of road.

Bruce and Tony interacting is so great.

AHAHA! There’s a reason Ultron didn’t do something obvious like launch all the nukes! JARVIS was stopping him! JARVIS’s surviving protocols were making sure he didn’t do everything you’d expect an AI with internet access to be able to do. Okay. Biggest plot hole isn’t actually a plot hole. Boom. However I do think that Ultron’s plan to destroy the Earth meteor style was part of his melodramatic god complex personality.

Ultron 3.0 looks awful. Should’ve streamlined a bit. He looks like he’s on steroids.

I very much do not like that Vision can fly without visible means of propulsion. It looks doofy. And Vision is a doofy name. However, points for taking Thor as inspiration when it comes to style.

Not a fan of Clint’s weird tunic/coat thing. Would’ve worked better if there was a belt.

Wow I never realized how often “monster” gets tossed around in this movie. Nat, Bruce, Vision, the Avengers collectively. Even Cap makes a joke, “What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on him?” This movie is pretty much asking if they have any right to do what they do. If they’re a menace or a benefit. In the end, the answer is pretty unclear. They did kinda make Ultron. They save the world from him and come out with Vision and Wanda on the team, so it’s probably a net gain, but the Sokovia Accords are an extremely understandable consequence. Wanda has that dilemma herself. She thought she had to destroy the Avengers to save the world, and she nearly destroyed the world by helping Ultron, but then she helped save it by defeating him. At great personal cost.

Yay another Thor+Cap combo move!

Pietro is so petty and obnoxious to Hawkeye, and it’s great.

Aww it’s the nerdy guy from Winter Soldier! And thankfully he survives this movie.

“I am Thor, son of Odin, and as long as there is life in my breast...I am running out of things to say. Are you ready?” His grin is my favorite.

The Maximoffs are the most functional, affectionate siblings in the MCU. :/

The number of Ultron robots somewhat strains credulity. Also, why didn’t he just send one to go chill across the world as a failsafe? Ultron is kind of stupid.

Rhodey’s reaction to Vision is priceless.

Aaand there Hulk goes. Apparently through a portal to trash planet, eventually.

If the meta-narrative of the first Avengers was “Can this exist?”, then the meta-narrative of Ultron was “...But should it?” The answer to the first question is “Absolutely it can.” The answer to the second is “Only if it doesn’t get arrogant or reckless.” I think Infinity War’s question is “Can it keep getting bigger like this and still survive?” and Avengers 4 will determine the answer. My guess is that it’ll be “Not without sacrifice.”

Anyway, that “are we monsters” thing is pretty much the individual arc of most of the main characters—except Steve. He makes a reference to it, but he is constantly the voice of caution and reason and he’s the one who pushes for zero civilian casualties in the city. This is the beginning of “We don’t trade lives.” It’s okay to sacrifice yourself, but not to play a numbers game with other people’s lives. Steve is and always has been rock solid. He’s a good man. He trusts his instincts, and they are pretty much always right. But that means he can never stop. He never gets to rest.

Clint is the other character who doesn’t have an “am I a monster” arc. His arc is just the kinda adoptive dad thing he has with the Maximoffs, and us finding out so much more about his life. He’s trying to retire, like Tony, but he’s willing to die for this if he has to. (I hope he doesn’t. But if most or all of his family got Snaptured, then it’d kinda be okay, though devastating, for him to sacrifice himself so they could come back.)

Natasha, Bruce, Tony, and Thor all have the monster arc, and I think Vision is supposed to be the answer at least for Tony and Thor. They created something good. Natasha didn’t get the guy, though, because she betrayed him to get Hulk back for the battle. And Bruce lost big time.

Maybe the reason Ultron is so low on my ranking of MCU movies is that it’s kinda muddled. There are great character moments and the main theme is an important one for the MCU, but in the end we have a snarky, grandiose villain with an army of disposable soldiers (again, only the villain is waaaay less interesting than Loki), coupled with the same plot as “I Robot, You Jane,” one of the worst Buffy episodes of the entire series. (Demon ends up in the internet because of the negligent actions of the good guys, tries to get impressionable young people to work for it, has a robot body built for itself, then gets locked inside that body and out of the internet, then destroyed.) I think it got spread a bit thin trying to set things up for Phase 3, too. Setting up Wakanda, Ragnarok, Civil War, and even Infinity War. Maybe if it didn’t need to do all that, it could’ve been more focused.

[kittencaboodleextraordinaire]

“Ok, but I had a Johnny first, and mine is better”: Adventures in Cyberpunk with a snarky headmate

Warning: this post contains considerable discussion of a major plot point in Cyberpunk 2077 which is discussed in the promotional materials (trailers etc) but which is not revealed in-game until after the first segment of the main story (the heist). Those who wish to remain unspoiled may instead view this lovely picture I edited of four raccoons in a trenchcoat (inspired by Critical Role’s playthrough of the absolutely delightful ttrpg Crash Pandas, which I highly encourage everybody in existence to go check out).

This phenomenal piece of art is surely the high point of this post. It can only go downhill from here.

Anyway.

So as we all know, Cyberpunk 2077 was finally released a few days ago to the expected amount of drama and fanfare, and my partner and I have been playing it together, by which I mean he’s been playing and I’ve been providing helpful advice like “We should totally buy the awesome purple car what do you mean you want a motorcycle THE MOTORCYCLE ISN’T PURPLE”. It’s not, y’know, an amazing game, but it’s pretty fun and I have already found multiple characters to ship V with, which I’m sure we can all agree is the truly important thing here. Plus of course there is abundant opportunity to make innuendo at my partner so I am a happy kitten. Mostly. There is one aspect of the story that is proving to be a continual source of awkwardness and general highly disconcerting aura. Namely, Johnny Silverhands.

At some point (I fell asleep for this part so I don’t know exactly what happened), you end up fused with a chip containing the personality of Johnny Silverhands, some kind of sort of famous dude who died a long time ago or something like that. awards self 10/10 stars for that eloquent and informative summary of important plot elements I was totally paying attention to and wasn’t asleep for at all anyway the important thing is there’s a dude hanging out in your brain with you. This is kind of weird and awkward for me, since I also have a dude hanging out in my brain with me. His name is Jonas. Jonas, say hi. J: I’m not a zoo animal and I don’t do tricks, also I reject the idea that this adds to the post in any real way. However you are very lucky because I am bored and complaining at you sounds more fun than going back to sleep. Now I’m tired and it’s 3:30 am go to bed or write the rest of this by your own damn self. That’s basically the same thing I guess.

Jonas is a bit weird. I don’t really have any idea what he is, and it’s not really within the scope of this blog post to discuss it in depth. He is some flavor of alternate personality, he is one of my closest friends, and he is a pain in the ass, much like most of my other friends. Having Jonas around is uncannily like V’s experience sharing their brain with Johnny Silverhands. Now I have a few other friends who have multiple personalities, one of whom is watching playthroughs of Cyberpunk and has appropriately described the experience as “pretty fucky”, which about sums it up. However it’s made even worse for me personally by the sheer number of similarities between Jonas and Johnny and their interactions with the people they share heads with, for (the most obvious) example, their names are really fucking similar. Jonas has matured a lot since he started appearing about 6-7 years ago but Johnny’s snark, unhelpfulness, complete disinterest in being nice, and even his body language all scream of Jonas’s original behavior, which, let’s be honest here, he still does all that anyway, he’s just nicer about it because he likes me. When Jonas and I talk, we tend to picture him as standing (or sitting or leaning against the wall or whatever) somewhere in the room with me, much as Johnny appears to V. He’s not active all the time and until very very recently was almost never “in charge”, so to speak, much like Johnny. So what we have here is somebody who acts a fuck of a lot like Jonas, has a similar name to Jonas, and interacts with their host in a manner that is almost a perfect match to how Jonas interacts with me. Somehow all of this went over my head. Then something even more uncanny happened.

Now, Jonas was originally an extremely minor character in a vast series of stories that I have made up in my head and never actually written down. He somehow evolved, without any conscious effort on my part, from a bit character who was never meant to do anything besides show up, get scolded by the authorities, and leave, to an increasingly major character, to living in my brain with me. Consequently, while he generally shares my tastes and preferences in terms of food and etc etc etc, there is an extremely major way in which we diverge: Jonas, like Johnny, and unlike me, smokes. All the time. It is Very Important to him. As such, the fact that I do not smoke and have exactly negative one billion interest in ever doing so is a source of intense frustration to him. We have had m a n y arguments about this. He knows not to push it too much and respects that it is my decision but that is not about to stop him from complaining about it loudly and with great passion. So when we encountered a scene of V and Johnny having the exact same fucking argument, ending with the incredibly blatantly Jonasesque lamentation from Johnny “Nonsmokers are the fucking worst”, it was like getting hit in the head with a brick. Actually forget the brick, it was like being hit with an entire building, and then having Jonas stick his head out the window and go “Missed me? ;)”, and then yelling back “WELL IDK BUT MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU’RE PILOTING AN ENTIRE FUCKING BUILDING IF YOU COULD TRY A LITTLE HARDER TO MISS ME THAT’D BE REALLY NICE THANKS” and then having him wink at me and assure me that head trauma builds character. It fucking doesn’t and he knows it.

After that, it was impossible to not see Jonas every time Johnny came onscreen. I still enjoy the game a lot. The setting and story are both really really cool and the loot is A+, and I really love being able to hang out in voice chat with my partner, who currently lives pretty far away, and do something fun together and experience something new. But having my relationship with Jonas, which I still have a lot of conflicting feelings about no matter how much I genuinely believe he’s a positive force in my life, reflected back at me at every turn, is bizarre, surreal, and a constant reminder of issues that have been nagging at me for a while, many of which are explicitly being brought up by the game itself. Last night we were doing a mission where V and Johnny at some point start talking and V mentions how they seem to be getting along better and Johnny suggests that maybe it’s because he’s rubbing off on V. V responds with something to the effect of “Am I becoming more like you, or are you becoming more like me?”. Jonas and I have been asking ourselves the same question for years. The only answer we were ever able to come up with is “probably both”, but the question of how much and to what extent, and if you start blending together with somebody else that much, are you really the same person anymore, and on down the rabbit hole we go, can really eat at you if you’re the kind of person who cares about that sort of thing. Which I guess we both are. And frankly we are probably not even half done with the main storyline and I doubt it’s going to stop posing these questions. 

J: so I said I wasn’t going to have any more of this and went off in a huff but actually I changed my mind I have some stuff to say. 

this is obviously weird for kitsie, and I guess it might be obviously weird for me too but it’s weird in an entirely different kinda way. it’s certainly surreal, and a lot of the questions it keeps bringing up are a lot to think about. Johnny is a program on a computer chip designed to be a copy of the original Johnny’s brain. this raises the question, and this may or may not be addressed later, how real is he? and is he the original Johnny, just on a computer chip now, or is he a different entity who happens to be identical to Johnny? and how is a person on a computer chip embedded on somebody’s brain really different from a person who’s a subroutine in somebody else’s brain? am I real? am I a part of Kitsie that just thinks differently for some reason? are we two facets of a whole being that’s kind of both of us and kind of neither of us? am I just a hitchhiker? I really don’t know. I have a lot of memories and backstory. things I did in the past, before I knew Kitsie. are those memories real? they feel real to me but on the other hand they didn’t actually happen. are Johnny’s memories real? they did happen but he’s a brain scan so did they actually happen to him? it’s a lot to think about, but hard to stop thinking.

and then there’s the other concern, which is that this is a game for kitsie to enjoy with her partner, and whenever this shit happens it wakes me up and I end up feeling really weird, like I’m intruding. which I am.  and as wonderful and understanding as he is, I’m still very much something he is getting used to and having problems adjusting to and I really understand because fuck I’m having a problem adjusting to me too. and maybe it’s stupid but I feel bad for being the disconcerting aura of uncomfortable thoughts wafting through something that’s supposed to be a pleasant and fun evening without me in it. which frankly sums up my entire existence. fuck this I’m tired I’m out of here again go tf to sleep kit.

I had more to say but “what he said” pretty much sums it up.

In conclusion, I don’t really have any objection to the story itself. It’s an interesting concept carried out fairly well that under normal circumstances I would think was really cool, and certainly it’s been a unique experience anyway. And I guess if anything the fact that it’s so unnervingly on the nose is a sign they did a good job? I’m still having a huge amount of fun with the game and the massive backlog of sidequests combined with our minimal ability to focus means that the main quest only takes up a small portion of our playtime in any case. I just needed to get all this shit off my chest.

This has been tonight’s episode of the Kitty Rambles Podcast, I am too tired to think of any good way to end this so goodnight and thank you for tuning in!