#when will the pandemic end
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art i drew to say goodbye to the haikyuu manga when it ended back in july 2020 (please don't mind my old username/watermark)
#hinata shouyou#kageyama tobio#tsukishima kei#yamaguchi tadashi#yachi hitoka#haikyuu!!#.png#coincidentally haikyuu manga ended on the day of my highschool graduation :")#so i drew this one right after i did my little ceremony bc. pandemic. whatever#god bless furudate for giving tsukishima the hairstyle everyone already hc'd for him when he got older. i guess it was predictable
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Selections from my Hobonichi Techo so far :)
#doodles#non-fandom stuff#hobonichi tag#hobonichi techo#day planner#there's actually a lot more i was thinking of adding but i think these 10 are pretty good#I'm having a lot of fun!!#last time i had the techo was in 2020 and i didn’t end up working much in it#bc when the pandemic started i just like... lost all motivation to work in it#now I'm combining my journal habit from the nolty planners I was using with the freedom for doodles that the hobonichi provides#can't wait to see what else i'll do!! i'll post other stuff another time!!!
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Me at my food service job when the customer gets mad I won't commit a health code violation for them.
#I've got some stories let me tell you#today I had a woman demand a refund after she spilled her food on herself#or in 2020 when a guy accused me of lying about the existence of the pandemic when I told him the dining room was closed#or the nepo baby who never had a real job not given to him by his daddy. he was a nightmare to train and ended up fired after like a week
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memories of my home planet
i started finding these fifty year old mardi gras coins on the side of the path a month or so ago, more than a dozen by now. i picture an old man, walking by the lake, reliving old memories, leaving them behind, one by one
yesterday was such an accumulation of small blessings. i don't know why, but i'll take it
i ate the last cinnamon roll with a little spoon of tart cherry jam in the early afternoon and it was nice
i had such bad dreams last night. it felt like the dreams were trying to eat my bones. i'll try to let them go. this morning i look like a mumblelard half-hollowed by hungry ghosts
later, i'm going to make hamburgers. i don't do this often. a special meal. a treat from me to me
#i want to be a turtle when i grow up#pandora#mumblelard#commonplace book#mondays#knot theory#burnt thighs#i was here for some of the beginning most of the middle and all of the end#kid from kwangtung#long stretches of north florida#whooshing stops#splodgeness#four eyes#idiolects#rosehips#bull dogs#like seeing a dead leaf#pandemic era#fifth summer#and that would fix everything
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I watched Jacks stream oh my gosh...
I thought I could handle a Dsmp stream in 2024 but nope. just- that felt SO much like just a stream that would happen in like 2021. the wandering around falling into random creeper holes, chat telling jack to get philza to help him, and to find michael, the mobs interrupting and how unplanned it all was. unscripted lore my beloved forever and ever.
the way that it's like in tommy and jacks conversation- they're talking about things in character that also relates to (presumably) their feelings in real life. just gosh...
when jack and tommy said their goodbyes and jack looked back at technos house to see the sun rising- like its so perfect in a way that the incidental roleplay always was. Like in the way I know I'm reading into it but it still works and it feels like real life when something happens and you find yourself in that moment and life looks almost like a movie- everything in it's proper place for the scene- but it's all just coincidence. the sun didn't rise because a writer wrote that it would. the sun just rises and falls and the conversation just happens to end at that exact moment.
idk just- I really felt it. It captured the feeling of peak dreamsmp that I've missed so much.
I don't even have a problem with nuke ending personally I think it's perfectly fine as an ending. How I've always seen it is: Everyones been hurt by everyone and violence begets violence so the great final act is nukes that will kill everyone that have all ready been launched so it can't be taken back. Then in the prison tommy sees the early parts of the server through Dreams pov and sees the good that was there at the start and how much that has been corrupted since and he wants that simplicity again (he and dream were even friends at one point) before everything went terrible for everyone. Dream turns his back on his plan that he's been building up to for so long cause what he really wants is the same thing as tommy. for things to be simple like at the start. but it's too late- its too far gone. the nukes have already been launched there's no going back. just the hope that maybe in another world things could've been different.
(also the added context of nuke ending being an elaborate character/relationship/map reset to setup a season 2 that never happened.)
So there's my nuke ending defense lol. I know it wasn't very popular with a vast amount of people and that's okay too.
I think ending something like dsmp was never gonna be easy or satisfy everybody, with how many individual povs there are and storylines. I always expected there to be things left unfinished. (unfinished symphony ;) Even if that's pretty unsatisfying for us viewers. (there's a particular stream I really wish had happened with foolish, dream, and eret)
idk there's a post I always remember when thinking about the ending that was like: "Maybe they couldn't write a happier ending at that time in their lives." (super paraphrasing) obviously talking about techno's passing. it's a bit assumptive but the CC's have talked publicly about how much that has affected them (of course it did). With something like that I imagine giving your minecraft server/roleplay character a happy ending is the last thing on your mind.
Todays stream felt like grief and nostalgia and complicated feelings for a time that has passed but still left it's marks on you:
“are you happier?” “I'm getting there”
like, that just says it all.
#dreamsmp#jack manifold#tommyinnit#dreamsmp finale#I don't really make my own posts on here- especially not like this (giving my thoughts/opinions on stuff lol) I made this acc to-#-look at and reblog dsmp posts and fanart. To see ppl on my dash lore posting the daily streams- it was truly a time.#please excuse my dsmp nuke ending analysis- I'm sure it reads a bit clumsy it isn't really something I have ever written before.#lore discourse in this fandom has always been kinda terrible so I never wrote out my thoughts on the ending when it happened#so it was nice to finally do so ^_^#this entire post was written very stream of thought#anyways the dreamsmp will always be something that I love! Thinking about it and these streams and these characters has brought me so much-#-happiness. (and gave me something to do during the pandemic lol)#part of my missing the dsmp is just how all these creators would talk with each other all the time end up on each others streams and collab#-but when it ended it felt like they all just went their own way. I get that people drift away and stuff thats pretty normal.#I guess with how long dsmp went for I just didn't expect it.#(obviously so much has happened between the dsmp ending and to now irt the ccs and everything. idk I just didn't expect that dsmp would be-#-the last place so many of them would ever interact publicly again. I expected to be able to watch them on other servers or collabs)#but such is life#okay- time to never post again for a year! byeee#text post#long post#pizzainator post
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When You Wake, 怎能当梦一场 by acertainrogue
When You Wake, 怎能当梦一场
by acertainrogue
T, 39k, Wangxian
Summary: He lay there buried under rabbit ears of wires, warmed by a thin blanket, breathing, breathing, never truly still, but never animated, either. “A-Xian,” Jiang-gugu said with a forced smile. “Your son and husband are here to see you. And your nephew too. He will be coming very soon.” A-Yuan ran up to Baba and held his hand. -- Sizhui grows up in a changing world, but his comatose father can't change with it. His family is determined to give him the love and forgiveness they didn't give Wei Ying. Kay's comments: So, this is definitely the kind of story that keeps you hooked and forces you to finish it in one sitting and even then, it'll still keep you awake for nights. It's just so good and so painful. Phew, so many knives! But, there's a happy ending, so you can definitely look forward to that! It's also actually set in real-world modern China, which is too rare for my liking in the English-writing fanfic community and I really appreciate all that went into this story and am also so grateful for the author for writing a whole thread over on Twitter explaining the cultural nuances one might have missed. As for the story, it's mostly Lan Wangji suffering and raising A-Yuan for thirteen years while Wei Wuxian is a coma. Cue: The Covid19 pandemic and the collapse of the health system and what that means for someone who's been in a coma for thirteen years. Excerpt: He lay there buried under rabbit ears of wires, warmed by a thin blanket, breathing, breathing, never truly still, but never animated, either. “A-Xian,” Jiang-gugu said with a forced smile. “Your son and husband are here to see you. And your nephew too. He will be coming very soon.” A-Yuan ran up to Baba and held his hand. Baba must have slept with Father when he was still awake. A-Yuan did remember being cradled in a cloud that was Father and Baba both, remembered being held between them in bed. There was a time when he had not known how to sleep otherwise. Baba had been cool, cool like the springs of silver dollar water, warm just enough so lotuses could grow. Tem-per-ate, he learned in school for his vocabulary section. But now, Baba was just cold. “Baba,” he squeaked, peaking over the side of the bed, tall enough that he did not have to tiptoe or have Jiang-gugu carry him anymore. “It’s me. It’s A-Yuan. Did you know I’m getting a cousin soon?” He fished in his pocket and found the dried grass butterfly Father had bought him on the roadside, from a man who peddled swallows with tails cut into forks and a green penguin waddling into life. “This can be your cousin too,” he told Baba importantly, nestling that gentle flutter of wing grass into Baba’s cold palm, so he could hold something when A-Yuan, Father, and even Jiang-gugu weren’t around. That was what Jingyi was to A-Yuan when he was at school, away from Father. Everyone needed a cousin, a companion, like the one that was about to be born. When he turned around, Jiang-gugu was crying.
pov lan sizhui, modern setting, modern no powers, pandemics, coma, hospitals, hospitalization, angst with a happy ending, comatose wei wuxian, implied/referenced homophobia, jiang family dynamics, good parent lan wangji, grief/mourning, covid19
~*~
(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)
#Wangxian Fic Rec#The Untamed#Wangxian#MDZS#Kay's Rec#December 2023#When You Wake 怎能当梦一场#acertainrogue#Teen#medium fic 15k-49k#pov lan sizhui#modern setting#modern no powers#pandemics#coma#hospitals#hospitalization#angst with a happy ending#comatose wei wuxian#implied/referenced homophobia#jiang family dynamics#good parent lan wangji#grief/mourning#covid19
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Rei in official stuff that’s not manga/Comic Gene related
1) In Yoruwa Honoka there’s a picture of him that changes into Qta, who’s also on a Yoruwa Honoka promotional art posted on the Zingai app
2) On an actual official knk art released on the Zingai app
3) On Fight Song for one millisecond
4) On the “All about the balloon disease” extras from Insomnia
#kara no kioku#bestie is unloved fr bc those are cameos im sure eve has no saying on those#except the Zingai art thing#I could be wrong but I feel that art was released either by the end of 2020 or at some point during 2021#wanna say 2021 bc the manga was more stablished then but i do not remember#i got the Kara no Kioku I can’t remember shit#also I don’t remember when the Zingai app came out I know it was during the pandemic but I don’t remember when#anyway yeh I think he asked for that one to promote the manga or whatever knk first year was rough as hell#any promotion was good promotion#still sadge the boy tm only gets four things and two of them are by the same person
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i should get back into tarot actually
#i started learning some cards at the beginning of pandemic but then i completely abandoned it and now i remember nothing lol#and its always such a fun little entertainment at parties but it would be better if we didnt have to use an app lol#anyway throwback to that time a girl cursed me because i said i dont really believe in that stuff i just do it for fun when everyone's drun#and she said It Will Get Me In The End........ she also said her roommate was possessed by satan kdhsksjs she was so hot alas
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Every time Prapai gives Sky medicine, he's narcoleptic inside 5 minutes.
#fun story: in 2018 we went to interview ex-president jimmy carter#and I had a bit of an odd feeling in my throat#august 24 2018 i remember that date well#because that was the first signs of an illness that annihilated me#i blacked out for most of the month of september- i only have very sparse memories#i had a strange kind of pneumonia the doctor hadn't seen before#and over those 6-7 months they threw every single anti-anything they could at me#IDK if I slept so well because of the knockout effects of all the antibiotics and antivirals#or because I had a recurring fever and a chronic brutal cough for 6-7 months and was terribly weak by the end#but i was sleeping so deeply the more pills they added#and now i know i can function with a 102 fever on and off for months on end#everyone- family and coworkers- also made fun of me for insisting on wearing a mask but guess what bitches#when the pandemic rolled around i still had 2 unopened boxes from being sick a year before and those were worth more than toilet paper#lita#love in the air#prapai#sky#prapaisky#true facts: I don't remember writing one of my own fics#it was during the blackout month and i refuse to read it because i think it's funnier that i don't know what it's about#i also had to work- it was one of our biggest events that we do every 4 years#two weeks straight of 14 hour days with no weekends#and i was there every single day#i have no memory whatsoever and when we did the event again in 2022 the organizers kept saying 'oh wow you're alive!'#i like to say i had the BEST time because it's a tedious af event and everyone is surly by the end#but from MY pov i was trapped in dense fog and couldn't breathe; trapped in that twilight feeling when you're neither awake nor unconscious#and then when it passed I had a nice paycheck in my account without any of the mental strain of working for it
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ok nana unsubtly kicked me in the ass about this and i realized they were mostly done anyways so here we go! only four months late!
best stylings 2023 - first half
runners' up
rising - triples
there are two good stages with funky athletic wear, but it wasn't enough to bump it up to the overall category. mcountdown 230216, the show 230221
abyss - woodz
didn't promote it which is a shame, but the variety in the costuming for the different versions of himself is well done and it's a beautifully shot bottle mv.
moody - superkind
you got a fake member you gotta make it spooky!!! he's not real that's inherently spooky!!! anyways this is what i wanted them to do right off the bat some i'm glad they finally got my psychic memo.
golden hour - mark
absolutely fucking crazy. fantastic imagery. i think i talked about it earlier in the year but it's such a stupid and hilarious idea to make a whole diss track mv about a several year old meme and then actually make it strange and weird art. obsessed with it still.
sos - kang daniel
i'm also including the wasteland music sequence here because holy shit when this dropped i lost my mind. i'm always surprised by what kang daniel does bc i can never predict it, which over the last few years i'm coming to enjoy. and i absolutely did not expect him to produce basically an entire wild west mad max movie with equal the production value???? literally how did he do this. how. and then everyone paid it dirt??? it's an amazing mv and one of my faves of the year, the only reason it's not bumped up categories is bc although the styling was actually one of the only times tactical gear has been thematically relevant to a cb, its been so overused that it has no punch anymore, which makes me sad bc the tactical gear was good! and a good choice! and i feel bad saying it has no punch bc it should have!
small talk - kim sungkyu
we love when sungkyu acknowledges that he's annoying and a loser. all these outfits were so losercore. i loved this deviation from form for him; he's normally king wailer supreme, but he does smooth upbeat rock very well and it's a nice contrast with the capital y yearning that's in the bsides. it's only here bc he didn't promote much and i'm mad at him for putting dancing in the mv and then not dancing in any of the stages. mcountdown 230629, music core 230708, inkigayo 230709
ay-yo - nct 127
this is just here for taeyong's urchin outfit. well i'm a bit of liar it is actually a really fun early 00s inspired mv, but we all know the urchin outfit stole the show.
stamp on it - got the beat
i will hear NO slander against got the beat in this house, this was a great mv i love hot women planning a heist.
tricky house - xikers
FANTASTIC debut. does a really great job of establishing a character for them as a group and it's got such unique flavour. kq has made great use of their ateez money and also the lessons that they learned with ateez. i'm excited to see where xikers goes in the future, and since i'm writing this section from the future i can say that i do like where they've gone with full confidence. the only reason it didn't make the top list is bc the styling is kinda average for this era of kpop.
best overall
rose blossom - h1 key
youtube
i was aware of h1key before this but they hadn't really grabbed me, but damn this cb was so good. the mv is a nice mix of story and dance sections. plus a surreal section in the middle! and by virtue of being like the first cb of the year, they got the jump on this alt girl look that would be the dominating look for ggs this year. and i do think first did it best in this case, all the looks are smart with good group synergy and and a lot of creativity; when you do this type of alt-y punky style it's important that there's a diy element to it, which a lot of groups fail to grasp bc stylists are obsessed with luxury branding. h1key manages to avoid that mostly by being flops, but i'd like to believe its also bc their creative team cared about capturing the true spirit of the style.
stages: music bank 230106, mcountdown 230202, music bank 230203, mcountdown 230119, inkigayo 230108
tic tac - 8turn
youtube
honestly i was kinda ready to not like these guys since mnh shat the bed with chungha, but then i remembered that the mnh creative team is very good at their jobs, so here we are. this is one of the few debuts/cbs this year where every single stage was a hit and it was very hard to narrow down to just a few for here; lots of good emphasis on shape and colour and accent pieces with repeated motifs, which was a big part of the fashion in the 00s that they are remixing here. very strong debut especially for so early in the year and i'm looking forward to more.
stages: show champion 230208, mcountdown 230202, music bank 230203, show champion 230222, music core 230211, mcountdown 230223, music core 230225, inkigayo 230226
bonus: this absolutely hysterical 4minute cover (they even got the name bucket hats! not in the stage, but they had them in photos)
sweet juice - purple kiss
youtube
i'm not normally a fan of wes anderson or wes anderson inspired aesthetics because i find them too twee and perfect, but this wasn't too direct in it's inspirations and definitely had the spooky purki flavour. i really liked the uniformity of the costuming, both literally using uniform motifs and using the same fabrics; i really do miss the days when kpop costumes were design to actually be costumes with the group image in mind.
stages: mcountdown 230216, inkigayo 230219, music core 230225, music bank 230224, inkigayo 230226, music core 230304, inkigayo 230305
sour & sweet - bambam
youtube
bambam again proving that he's one of the few idols that knows his shit in terms of interesting styling. also if anyone knows where he filmed the mv/performance vid please tell me i need to know bc its so beautiful.
stages: mcountdown 230330, music bank 230331, inkigayo 230402, music bank 230407, music core 230408, inkigayo 230409,
bsides: music bank 230331, inkigayo 230409,
macarena - blitzers
youtube
i'm so so so glad blitzers got a bit more attention this year bc they deserve it and macarena was so good. perfect culmination of their goofy ass talents and the unusual creativity of their performance + creative directors. i'm even linking the mv teaser here bc its so goofy and offbeat and different. honestly i'd recommend watching as many of the stages as you can find bc they do different intros every time and it's very funny, but unfortunately tumblr has a link limit so i can't link them all.
stages: show champion 230426, music bank 230428, music core 230429, inkigayo 230430, inkigayo 230514, music core 230527
bouncy - ateez
youtube
yea yea yea nobody is surprised so sue me. this was a crazy followup to halazia and proved that ateez can deftly switch between serious dramatic performance and comedic but no less dramatic. i'm very happy to see how much work has been going into the main ateez mvs in the last year because it has very clear and striking direction that fits both their performance style and their creative ambition, as well as their growth as a group. also yea i'm not immune to neon cowboy shit.
stages: inkigayo 230618, music bank 230616, the show 230620, mcountdown 230622, music bank 230623, mcountdown 230629, music core 230701, inkigayo 230702
kick it 4 now - tnx
youtube
tnx had an absolutely banging 2023 and although kick it 4 now is has superior and more comprehensive production, love or die is also a very good cb, and both of them together have shown that they have a really good grasp on the genre of teen listlessness, from two different directions. kick it 4 now has been i think the most successful cb to actually capture the feel of first gen, and the creative team did a lot of extra work in order to pull that off. from all the graphic design to the goofy lil 90s style music show promos, to the styling, they had a clear goal and achieved it. i think it will be quite difficult for any other group to pull it off this thoroughly.
stages: music bank 230609 (the giant lyrics!!!), music core 230610, show champion 230614 (more giant lyrics!!), music core 230617, mcountdown 230622
shooting star + left right - xg
youtube
youtube
we all already know that left right was my most listened song this year, but the fact that the mv was b movie sci fi star trek themed? it's like simon made everything about this specifically for me thank you. xg blew everyone out of the water this year on every front; music, styling, choreography, you name it. i said i wanted groups to commit to their bits and i got it. they were completely unafraid to actually commit to the y2k nostalgia AND to harajuku styling; a lot of groups have weakly pawed at it but always back away due to the fact that harajuku and y2k are not actually 'pretty' fashion trends, which leaves their attempts half assed with no real understanding of why and how those trends happened. xg came saw and conquered the current trend in a way that only a japanese gg can do. my only annoyance is that they tone down the stylings when they promote on music shows, and i know why they do it, so it's not an annoyance at them, it's an annoyance at everyone else.
stages: shooting star - mcountdown 230202, con-tour 230217, the show 230221, inkigayo 230212, inkigayo 230205, con-tour 230224
left right - the show 230228, show champion 230222
circle - onew
youtube
absolute masterpiece. album of the year in every way. it's a profoundly beautiful unpacking of grief and the sadness that comes with acknowledging that things change, and the way that in that change life and humanity and story is eternal. a circle. the theatre imagery combined with the 60s style children's tv show use their similar but contrasting forms to illustrate the same point: something can be eternal and fleeting at the same time, and that heightens its value rather than diminishing it. the promo campaign was so thought out as well, i love the integration of the theatre imagery into the highlight medley and i highly recommend you watch it if you haven't. one of the best cbs from a solo artist in years.
stages: mcountdown 230309, music core 230311, music bank 230317, inkigayo 230319
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ignore the fact this was almost five months late even though i started writing in like. november. i'm busy ok. it's planting season and i have to send so much post. the choreos post is the next most finished so that will probably be out before the styling second half one.
#is there even anyone left who wants to read these lmao. i mean other than nana since she was creeping my 2022 styling posts#kinda miss the pandemic days when we were all stuck on the internet but also no i do not#i'm trimming down on how much i do for these posts also since i dont have time to sift through all my saved links#just know there's a lot of one offs etc that are sitting in a mega playlist on my youtube.#im just focussing on the ones that made the biggest impact with me bc there's just so much its actually kinda crazy#text#kpop styling#what else did i even tag these as i dont even remember its been so long#kpop analysis#end of year posts#best of 2023
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did she specifically make 34 versions of TTPD because shes 34 years old
#barry.txt#taylor swift#also to make money and keep her char position long term obviously but she can never just make money it has to be some numerology bullshit#what a swiftian concept#her relationship to capital and product as an aspect to her art is endlessly interesting to me#also how she sells every album like its gonna be the last one before everyone gets sick of her and her career ends forever#she sells like its the end of the world. mulling. whatever#if she drops another fucking varant then this post means nothing#this is maybe the most interesting headspace that taylor has ever been in during an album cycle and i hope it gets less interesting soon bc#honestly i am a little worried for her#and also a little sick of her shit. She needs to get out of the eras tour/career second wind bubble that shes been in for like 3 years now#im glad that leaving bmr means shes not trapped in the strict 2 year album to tour cycle that she was in technically until rep#but actually until the pandemic forced her to stop bc rep was 2017 tour was 2018 and lover was 2019 w loverfest being 2020#but i hope she knows that that doesnt just mean dropping multiple projects a year but also...not dropping anything for a bit#chilling...taking a breath...mb honing her directing skills on other artists MVs or short films before diving into a full feature projects#working on stuff and not releasing it. writing for other people. Enjoying a beautiful sunset etc#i just want her to enjoy life when she isnt charting#i always make a very simple post and then go crazy in the tags like this could just also be a post. alas
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This is just straight up evil
#ending telehealth for disabled ppl during a pandemic#when there are no mask mandates in hospitals. lmao#eugenics tw
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where is my fat husband
#stream#i’m lonely !!!! i want a man !!!!!!#me: where’s my man#me at the same time: not leaving the house nor dating apps & also is having a mental breakdown everyday while self medicating#also i’m 90% sure my meds are starting to fail again ALSKALKSLAKSLAKLSAKLSMAKSKK#ANYWAY#i didn’t even go to gay bars when i was allowed to drink like 😭😭😭#it’s all a bunch of straight people#there’s no point#like i constantly here old queens going ‘young gays don’t do xyz’ or ‘don’t know how to xyz’ like ok girl its because that shit died like#idk probably before the pandemic truly it was dying but the pandemic was the nail in the coffin like girl …….. i turned 21 a month into#lockdowns like#ok so i did stuff illegally & went to other shit but it still was straight bars 90% of the time there’s like 6 gay bars in houston total 😭😭😭#like idk what they expect like if … those venues aren’t there & are increasingly AGAINST doing the goofy tings …. how would the YOUNG KNOW#like at this point idk i truly think that it’s kinda on the elders at this point ALSKALSKLAKSAKSLAN like yea they’re boomers at the end of#the day so like i’m not saying that they didn’t have it hard they did they did ok but. get over it ? ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLA like alright … but#i’m saying this as someone who knows the history & bullshit like ok yea everyone needs to understand what it’s like to have your community#die before ur eyes but at the same time. there’s no community now ? ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLLA like girl …#girl …….#yall HAD a community but now all that shit is gone & none of us young ppl have any funds to make that 😭😭😭#like girl i have 12$ in my bank account i dream of being able to rent a flat at some point like a ONE BEDROOM u know W A LIVING ROOM & yall#own rentals so like this is UP TO YALL …..#like ur the problem ? 😭😭😭😭😭#@gays for trump & loghouse republicans i’m looking at YALL#a lot of these mfs are liberal too - pro invasion of iraq democrat back the blue bootlickin NIMBA faggots 😭😭😭💔#anyway that’s just me bitching#i’ve been so fucking IRRITABLE today
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silly skeletons discussions sérieux or the water-method man
#cold sun#pieces piled up in the yard and upside down#i watched as it floated down the river#each prayer accepted and each wish resigned#maybe the umbilicus that connects me to the rest of our hive in the eastoutward dimension is damaged frayed maybe my mirror neurons are fin#whole villages lost to them#she wants to know what they taste like when they do#i was there for some of the beginning most of the middle and all of the end#grabbing onto the weeds to keep from falling off the edge of the world#mumblelard's shadow#boba#bookshelves#pandemic era#fifth autumn#exiting
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in the making -> an old comic i made for a project in class about how i experienced covid
#i forgot to share it when i made it so here it is#this was before i realized it wasnt even fear that was stopping me. evidently#but oh well#covid pandemic#comic#vex draws#my art#obligatory good ending is obligatory for the sake of conclusion and get an A
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Applied for a job and applying to community college. It feels weird. It feels like I'm 18 again, even though I'm turning 23 in less than a week. It feels promising though
#so when i was 18 i was supposed to go to college!#i was. i was accepted and everything. i had plans#i was going to go for sign language interpreting. i had hella scholarships#and then. they went bankrupt. spring break before i was supposed to attend#it was unfortunate. i didnt have time to try to attend another college. and asl interpreting isnt a common course#so i moved out of my parents house a few weeks after graduation and just started working#it was great. until i moved to philadelphia#where i lost all of my money and tanked my credit score by being poor#so now im back with my parents#what a horrible cyclical turn of events#and for the longest time ive been trying to get out again. move out. get back to work#i have a job now but it barely pays uh. anything#and i was fighting so hard to escape that i didnt stop to think that i dont have the means to and i would just end up not great again#so i decided to apply for a front desk and marketing position at the same place my older sibling works#an art center. a place that i really fucking love tbh#and a nearby community college has free college for people that were essential workers during the pandemic#i think i would have to live in this state for a year tho so maybe not college right now#but maybe someday. if i get this marketing/front desk position then im sure ill stick around for a bit#idk im having weird conflicting feelings about trying to put down roots here#but i cant leave anytime soon. thats kind of hitting me#i dont have money. or a good credit score. i will not be accepted to an apartment#and even if i am i will not be able to pay rent#so i might as well get a job i like. not just a placeholder#see about going to college. especially if its free#and instead of like. waiting for my life to start. maybe do something with it while i have it#if that makes sense#suicide tw ahead-#i didnt think i was going to make it past age 18. and now im nearly 23#so im living every day with no plans#every day is a lovely little gift that i never expected to have so now its a task to try and figure out what to do with it
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