Me, on the welcome desk in the library: Good morning, how are you today?
Customer: I have welcomed Jesus into my heart and so I am well today and every day.
Me, a little unnerved: Okay then! Is there something I can help you with?
Customer, digging around in his bag and pulling out an iPhone in a box: Unfortunately, Jesus can't help me with this fucking phone, so I came to the library.
idk man but something about Stanley "taught himself extremely advance physics/math/probably many other things while running a relatively successful business" Pines and Stanford "is wanted in almost every dimension with a judicial system of some kind" Pines is sooo fucking funny to me
chAAAinnnnn walletz. shirts wiv Jack ssSSkellingtin that. bBoney Boney! BOYYyh :D Hau would you like to see! 👀 a INNNNN 🤤🥵flux of customehrs *big breath* SOLELY due to the ssssUDDEN rrRRrRR(😖🥵🥵🫨🤤🤤🤤👅🫦)RApid SUc-- 💦💦💦💦💥💥🤯😵-------cess 😮💨 Of. HAZZBEEN HOE-TELwe're!!!!!BACK !!!!!Baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaallll the freaky little "𝕲𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖘" who smellllllike 𝑭𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒐 Baaaaaaags Cummmm Trudging Thru our DOhwrs once more........... """ehdventure Tiiiiime""" ? eKhHhHN HN HMMM~~~ >:]]] 😈🦹🏻♂️ SPENNNNDINNNG TIIIIIME YOU SAUCY MINXXXXAH!
the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.
i think theres this idea in the general public that the "best" fanfic gets turned into real books like 50 shades of grey. but the truth is that the best fanfic can never be published as an actual book because its intricately woven into the canon material so its inseparable even if you change the names
people are always like "Oh a vampire wouldn't get horny while drinking someone's blood, that's like getting horny while eating a sandwich" and like man have you never had a really good fucking sandwich?
The older I get the more I admire people who are earnestly, genuinely into whatever their thing is. I know it sounds like an annoying cliche but unless you're being cruel or hurtful there is really no need to be normal about things. The dude with the bad fake accent at the renaissance faire is having the time of his life. The people having photoshoots with their fashion dolls are loving it. The old lady with a yard unreasonably full of tacky ass lawn ornaments is having a blast, HOA be damned.
Don't waste your time being too cool to have fun, y'know?