#when rodney says she should let sheppard use it

[sga-owns-my-soul]

never noticed that elizabeth is holding rodney’s hand at the end of tao of rodney and now i’m gonna scream about it

[dr-futbol-blog]

Hot Zone, Pt. 6

If the final conversation before Sheppard detonates the nuke is between him and McKay, it's also McKay's reaction that we get to first hearing Sheppard's voice after the explosion. Sure, these are all sandwiched between conversations or reaction shots of Weir so if you're not paying attention, it's easy to come to the conclusion that there's a special bond or understanding between them, that they care about each other more than co-workers.

But, and I emphasize, thus far on the show it has always been McKay's reaction we get to intense Sheppard moments. While Weir does the asking of whether Sheppard is alright, it is McKay's relief to his survival that we get to share.

If it happened now and again, it might be co-incidence. But every time?

And again we are reminded that for Sheppard, Atlantis is home. His first words upon surviving the blast are: "This is Sheppard. I've cleared the blast -- I'm returning home." I'll remind you of McKay's words at the beginning of the episode: "I don't often get a chance to say this, so savour it: good work, boys and girls! Let's go home." It's been a long, hard day but both Sheppard and McKay have been on their way to the same place all along.

McKay's face, here, when Ford hugs him tells us everything we need to know when it comes to how he feels about Atlantis and the people therein. The thing is, however much Rodney and Sheppard may care about one another, however often they may come to rescue one another in the future, they both care about everyone else there too. They are heroic in the truest sense of the word.

Then there's the rather interesting conversation Weir and Sheppard have at the end of the episode, the coda.

We find Sheppard in Weir's office, lost in thought. In fact, he's waiting for her there, seeming kind of like a school boy at the principal's office. This is not a conversation he wants to have, things are tense between them. Sheppard tries to get out of it using his charm, stands up and tells her he's going to bed. She's not having it, wants them to talk it out right now.

The discussion they have is very interesting.

Weir: We need to discuss what happened earlier. Sheppard: Now? Weir: That can never happen again. Sheppard: Look, I'm sorry about... Weir: I understand your expertise in military matters and I agree that I should defer to those expertise in such situations. Sheppard: Thank you! Weir: But you are not the one who decides what is and what is not a military situation. Now, both General O'Neill and Colonel Sumner warned me that you don't respect the proper chain of command.

Now, later on we learn that Sheppard was court-martialed for disobeying orders not to cross enemy lines to save a field medic serving under him. From the parallel universe of Vegas (S05E19), we learn that they had been involved. The gender of the field medic isn't really relevant here, because Weir is implying that she knows that he is willing to disobey orders to save people he cares about and since she's seen him bend the rules for Teyla, she has to think that he would do this regardless of gender. While a noble sentiment, that can become a problem if it comes at the cost of sacrificing other lives, or even the whole mission. And she's seen now that no matter how much she believes or has good faith in him, no matter how much she might consider him a friend, he is willing to do anything for the people he loves. To kill enemies, yes. Definitely, she's seen this with her own eyes. But even civilians. Even to jeopardize the lives of everyone in the city. To save one person.

General O'Neill and Colonel Sumner both knew the details of his court martial. We don't know whether he was not yet married, married, or divorced at the time but in high likelihood, both of them thought that Sheppard was a gay man regardless -- those kinds of documents aren't really made for nuance. O'Neill had some personal experience of combating inappropriate feelings toward someone serving directly under him, but he managed to conquer them -- for the most part. But the whole reason why DADT was a thing in the first place was that before it was in effect, gay men were considered a liability due to the inherent secrecy that was required for them to serve. This demand for secrecy compromised them, made them targets for extortion, manipulation, blackmail, being influenced by the enemy. This made them inherently suspicious. And even though DADT had originally been intended to make it easier for gay men to serve, it wasn't just an invitation for dishonesty, it was a requisite. And therefore if you were anything other than heterosexual in the military, you couldn't be trusted.

This is what O'Neill and Sumner had been trying to tell her. That no matter how noble his intentions, Sheppard's loyalties were suspect. That he couldn't be trusted, not in the way a fellow soldier should be able to trust another. He couldn't be counted on to make impartial calls. Whether or not he had thought he was doing the right thing, he had still demonstrated that he did not respect the proper chain of command, not when it went against his personal moral code.

Sheppard seems to understand that she's referring to this. What else could she possibly be talking about? He's understandably defensive:

Sheppard: Well, sometimes I see a situation a little different than they do--

He sees things a little different than General O'Neill and Colonel Sumner. He sees things a little different than your average G.I. Joe. He's a little different. He has a different perspective. His outlook is different. He's a little... you know. He's "kinda... never mind", like General O'Neill would put it. You've got to excuse him because he is in something of a bind, here.

But Weir knew that already. That was never a problem for her. She's a civilian, she's seen all manner of things as a diplomat. But she assumed that since she was willing to turn a blind eye here and there, that Sheppard would repay this with loyalty. Clearly, Sheppard didn't trust her. Didn't trust her to keep his secret or to side with him if push ever came to shove against his superiors. Sheppard had been looking for Weir's protection from Colonel Sumner from the get-go but it seemed clear to her now that he was not willing to respect her by being truthful. And where did that leave them?

Weir: No. Listen to me, John. Now, you endangered yourself and the lives of many others. Sheppard: Because I thought it was the best course of action to take -- and, by the way, I saved your ass. Weir: I know you did -- but you have to trust me. Sheppard: I do! Weir: Do you?

Her problem was never that he cared about members of his team. She cared about them too. Her problem was not that he cared about Rodney McKay in a special way. She cared about Rodney too, although not in the same way. If they could find a modicum of happiness in each other, who was she to get in the way of that? But if she couldn't trust him to do the right thing, make the right choices, then how can they work together? That is what this conversation was about. She's not asking. He's obviously not telling. But she still needs to know. She needs to know that she can trust him.

She needs to know that he can trust them. Because she is starting to realize that together, they can talk her into anything.

They don't get to finish the discussion, as Rodney and Beckett barge into her office. They bring with them a new mystery, leaving this unresolved issue lingering between Sheppard and Weir.

Finally, I want to draw attention to the fact that during their conversation, Sheppard had his whole body turned away from her. He was feeling obviously defensive and hence used his body to build a barrier (Rodney is also projecting defensiveness here with his crossed arms but it seems to have more to do with what they had just discovered about the potential new enemy). When McKay enters, Sheppard can't help but turn his entire body toward him. He pulls his hand to his thigh. He does not need or want there to be anything between them.

They exchange deep, meaningful glances that seem to communicate things beyond words. They have been getting so close that something has to give. If in the previous episode it was McKay who was reminded of why he was impossible to love, it is Sheppard''s turn here to be reminded that his love is lethal.

[ragingpancake]

I Got You

A/N: I watched Echoes the other night and frankly, I just needed to write this. Sort of an unofficial sequel to The Road to Nowhere Leads to Me.

They’re almost back to Atlantis from the mainland when Rodney realizes that maybe something’s a bit off with Sheppard – er… John (and he has to remind himself to start calling Shep—John by his first name because this whole… thing between this is still relatively new and it’s probably not social acceptable for one to refer to one’s boyfriend by last name only). No one would ever really call him chatty, but this level of quietness is almost unsettling, especially when Rodney tries to goad him into some gentle bantering and he’s just not having it. “What’s wrong with you?” He asks finally as the city is just coming into view. “Huh?” Rodney squints, mouth turning down in a frown. “I certainly didn’t stutter, Colonel.” Maybe that’ll get his attention.

He waits a moment, and then two. Nope. Nada. The lights are on but nobody’s home. “… John.”

At that, John lifts a hand and presses the heel of it against one of his eyes, wincing and Rodney notices for the first time how not well the other actually looks. “I’ve just… got this killer headache that won’t go away,” he says and it actually sounds pained in a way that Rodney isn’t quite used to from him. He watches as John squints at the city in the distance. “Maybe I should take over?” For a split second, he thinks John might be considering it before he shakes his head. “Nah, s’alright. I know how much you struggle to fly in a straight line.” There’s the smallest hint of teasing in his voice but Rodney doesn’t rise to the challenge because it’s such a weak attempt on John’s part that he knows he’d absolutely assassinate John with a comeback and where’s the fun in that? “Are you sure? Because, because I’ve been in one of these things when it’s crashed into the water, if you remember correctly, and I really have no intention of repeating that, so if you aren’t feeling well, I’d rather just--.” “Rodney,” John says and now, there’s a trace of a bite to his tone. Wow. Hostile. “Okay, I’m just saying--.” “I know,” John says. “But it’s fine. I’ve got it.” Rodney resigns himself to believing that for about a split second until he glances over again and notices the blood dripping from John’s nose. “John--.” “Dammit, Rodney! I said I’m--.” And whatever lie John was about to tell dies on his lips as he slumps over, head smacking the console. Immediately, Rodney leaps into action, grabbing John before he slips out of the pilot’s chair to ease him down onto the floor, his head lulling to the side sickeningly. “Jumper 1, this is Atlantis, come in. Your course has drastically shifted.” Radek’s voice comes through the comm system in the jumper and Rodney suddenly realizes that no one is, you know, actually piloting. “I need a medical team to the Jumper Bay. Sheppard is down, I repeat, Sheppard is down.” He scrambles into the pilot’s chair and manages to jerk it upwards approximately three point five seconds before the jumper crashes into the ocean. “Rodney?” It’s Elizabeth’s voice now, and she sounds about as worried as Rodney feels. “Carson’s here. What happened?” “Can’t talk now! Trying to fly and not, you know, crash and send us both to our deaths in the horrifically vast ocean. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.” “Rodney!” “Just have them standing by!” He cuts off the comm system and glances down at John who has not yet regained consciousness. “Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay.” It becomes his mantra as he somehow manages to navigate the jumper back to the city and into the bay. He barely has time to lower the door before a med team is swarming in and before Rodney has a chance to so much as breathe, they’re gone, John with them. There’s a small bit of blood on the floor from where John was laying and Rodney has to work very hard not to throw up. ---- It’s dark in the hallway, save for the faint blue glow emanating from the center of the wall closest to him. He reaches out, hand pressing against it and he can feel the thrum of hurt intensifying, adding to what’s already there in his head. He staggers at the force of it, drops to his knees and presses the heels of his hands against his eyes in an attempt to stave off the pounding of his head. But this isn’t his hurt, he realizes after a moment. It’s hers, and that thought alone is enough to force him back to his feet, hand reaching out to touch that blue light again. This time, he feels an almost burning heat fanning out from the center of his hand as the blue expands and he watches as it begins to creep across the wall, almost as if it’s beckoning him to follow. He’s never been good at following orders and he has the record to prove it, but he finds his feet moving, seemingly of their own accord, allowing the glow to lead him down the darkened hallway for what seems like forever until it stops, finally, at a room he doesn’t quite recognize. “Why am I here?” Because I need your help, she answers

back, the words cool and gentle within his mind. Find me, John Sheppard. Before it’s too late. “Before what’s too late? What are you trying to tell me?” But she’s already receding from his mind and all he’s left with is a light so bright that penetrates the darkness as John opens his eyes. --- Rodney’s there when John finally comes to under the bright lights of the infirmary. “Oh thank God,” he says as he slumps back into the chair, running a hand across his forehead. “Far be it from me to say I told you so, but--.” He doesn’t get a chance to finish before John is sitting up so quickly that it makes Rodney a bit dizzy, kicking the blankets off of his legs. “Whoa, whoa, whoa.” He stands up, pressing a hand to John’s shoulder to ease him back down onto the mattress and Ronon is on the other side of the bed, doing the same. “Where do you think you’re goin’?” The Satedan asks in his natural rumble. “I have to help her,” John says and Rodney suddenly finds himself a bit miffed at that. “Help who?” He asks and if he sounds a little pissy, he thinks he’s probably allowed because you know, he’s the one been sitting at John’s bedside for the last several hours, worried very much about the possibility of brain damage and now that he’s awake, the first thing he mentions is some second rate harlot and--. “The city,” he rasps and he grabs Ronon’s wrist, trying to force it off of him. “Something’s wrong with the city.” “What? The city is fine,” Rodney says, but he’s reaching for his tablet anyway, pulling up the city schematics to scan over quickly, searching for any indication that something was not right. “See?” He says, and he turns the tablet to face John so he can see for himself. “The back up teams cleaned everything up nicely, there’s absolutely nothing that would indicate--.” “Rodney,” he says and there’s an almost wild look in his eyes as he glances up at the scientist, seemingly pleading with him to just listen. “They missed something. There’s something wrong, we have to--.” “Aye,” Carson greets, a smile on his face. “There ya are. Ya had us quite worried there for a bit. I’d still like to run a few scans--.” Rodney tunes him out as he searches John’s face and he supposes that there is a possibility that something was missed. It’s a huge city, many parts that they’ve yet to explore and the Wraith attack had been devastating. He rationalizes that this could also possibly be attributed to some sort of brain injury, what with the bleeding and the passing out and everything but something in John’s eyes gives him pause. Whatever’s brought him to this conclusion, John seems to truly believe that there’s something wrong with their city, with their home and while Rodney isn’t apt to act without actual evidenced based data, he finds that he can’t quite let this go without investigating. “Stop,” he says, holding up a hand to Carson. “We need to go.” “Go? What are ye on about?” Carson asks, clearly annoyed at the interruption. “We still don’ know what caused the bleedin’ an’--.” “Something’s wrong with the city,” Rodney says, echoing John’s previous statement. “We have to go.” Ronon glances at Rodney from across John’s bed and when Rodney gives a barely there nod, Ronon crowds Carson, gently ushering him away. “Sorry, doc.” “Oh, ye can’t be serious! Rodney!” “Can you stand?” Rodney asks John, and he reaches for him, carefully like he’s not sure where it’s okay to touch, especially in public, but John’s hand grabs his wrists and he squeezes gently. “Thank you.” “If you really want to thank me,” Rodney says dryly, “you can do so by not passing out on me again during what is sure to be a long trip around the city. “I’ll do my best,” John answers solemnly and Rodney supposes that’s as good as it gets. --- It’s dark outside, the Lantean sun having set several hours ago. They’ve split up into groups, Ronon and Teyla, Lorne and McMasters, John and Rodney. They’ve had absolutely no luck in finding anything of consequence and Rodney is trying very hard not to lose his temper because he’s

tried to show John on the tablet several times now that everything still shows all is well, but John is insistent. Desperate even, only growing moreso the farther away they get from the heart of the city. “Teyla, Ronon, this is McKay. Anything?” “No, Rodney,” Teyla answers back almost immediately. “It seems as though everything is still working as it should over this way.” “Lorne?” “All good here, doc. I’m gonna suggest we call it, at least for the night. Some of these labs haven’t properly been cleared yet, I’d like to--.” “No,” John says and when Rodney glances over to give him an exasperated glare, he realizes that John’s nose is bleeding again. “John, what are you--!” “This is the hallway,” he tells Rodney, reaching up to wipe the blood away, smearing it to his cheek. “This is… she needs us…” He reaches out and touches the wall and Rodney watches as it pulsates under his hand, a blue glow flickering to life. He’s always known that Atlantis liked John better than she liked anyone else, has seen it in the way rooms light up for him, the effortless way in which John activates all her tech, but this… this is something else. She’s actually communicatingwith him, he knows it. “Three levels above the east pier,” Rodney says into his comm. “Teyla—” “We are already on our way,” and over the radio, Rodney can hear the heavy footfalls of their feet against the floor. Rodney doesn’t realize that John has walked away, not at first, until he turns to see the glow halfway down the hall, barely illuminating John’s figure as it guides him further into the darkness. Rodney follows, and suddenly, John stops outside of a door. “Is this it?” Rodney asks, but he already knows the answer to the question. He slides his hand over the crystal, but the door doesn’t budge, not that Rodney expected it to. “Okay,” he says, and his voice is gentle now, perhaps more gentle than it’s ever been, but there’s something about the pinched look on John’s face that honestly, truly worries him. It reminds him of how he looked on the jumper, right before he, you know, passed out. He checks his tablet, but he knows it’s a moot point because the city is off-line down here, which is why they never knew there was a problem. The sensors just don’t reach this far, but he thinks he should be able to still get the door open. “John,” Rodney says, and there’s no response. “John.” But John seems not to hear him as he reaches for the door, fingers gripping the edge as he tries, desperately, to pull it open. “Oh, oh. Yes.” Rodney puts the tablet down carefully and he moves to the other side, glancing at John to follow his lead and as John pulls again, the noise that escapes him sends a shiver down Rodney’s spine. He screams as the door finally slides open and now, Rodney notices the blood trickling out of John’s ear, just in time to grab John as he crumples, guiding him to the floor. “Rodney!” Teyla’s voice echoes down the hallway, and Rodney calls back, voice nearing on hystericalas he situates himself below John to pillow his head on his lap. “Here! We’re here!” Ronon comes into view first, gun aimed, followed quickly by Teyla. “We heard screaming, what—John?” “It’s Atlantis!” Rodney says, “She’s using John to communicate, there’s something--.” Ronon needs to hear no more as he slips through the opened door and a second later, there’s the sound of laser fire. Rodney’s petting over John gently, shaking him gently, pleading with him to wake up but it’s to no avail. Teyla has disappeared inside of the room that John brought them to and Rodney risks a fraction of a moment to lean down, letting his lips brush against John’s forehead. “Please, please, please wake up.” John resolutely does not. --- “Did we do it?” He’s somewhere quiet and he’s alone, but he can feel her around him, leaving him warm and comforted, reminding him very much of being wrapped up in his mother’s embrace when he was seven and had the flu. He remembers that because before coming to Atlantis, it was the last time he felt well and

truly loved because she’d died less than three weeks later. You did, and he closes his eyes, letting her warmth wash over him. The pain is gone, both his and hers, he realizes and there’s a feeling of contriteness that settles inside of him, like she’s saying she’s sorry and he guesses she means for basically hijacking his mind. But, as unsettling as it should be, he finds that he’s always known she was there, really. The gentle thrumming, the quiet humming of her power he feels tucked away somewhere in the back of his mind. She wasn’t trying to hurt him, he knows. It’s not just his found family that cares for him, not just Rodney… but her too. There will be no lasting damage, she promises him and the warmth begins to recede, just a bit. To either you or me. But please tell Doctor McKay not to be too angry with me. The darkness is fading now with her and he’s not really sure why she thinks Rodney would be upset with her. He tries to ask, but the feeling of a gentle hand in his hair, a quiet murmuring of voices, breaks through and John closes his eyes, letting it guide him out of the dark. Thank you once again, John Sheppard. You saved us all. --- “—still don’t understand how we didn’t know it was here,” Elizabeth says and Rodney has to fight not to roll his eyes because they’ve been over this, he’s explained it ad nauseum. “The life signs detector is tied in directly with the city’s power grid,” he says exasperatedly and he thinks about reaching for his tablet as a nice visual aide but somewhere along the way, his hand had settled into John’s hair and it’s so soft that he kind of doesn’t want to pull it away. He doesn’t know if it brings John any comfort, but it brings him some, feeling the warmth of the other under his hand and damn if he’ll let anyone take that away from him. Even at the sake of his own sanity for having to go through this again. “That part of the city still doesn’t get any power. No power means it can’t communicate with us. We never would’ve known.” “… never would’ve known what?” The raspy voice from the bed asks and Rodney very nearly topples out of his chair as he yanks his hand back, gaping down at John, and “oh, thank god!” “Wraith,” Ronon says by way of explanation, like it’s the most natural thing in the world and Rodney supposes maybe it is. After all, at least for right now, it’s the Wraith that’s proved to be their biggest pain in the ass. “Technically, a Wraith transmitter,” Rodney corrects and he can’t quite tear his eyes away. “The Wraith was.. well, indisposed, as it was. How are you feeling?” “What d’y’mean ‘indisposed’?” “It blew itself up when it realized that the room was heavily shielded and that the beacon couldn’t get through,” Ronon says and Rodney glares at him, because he’sthe one who likes to do all the explaining, thank you very much. “Blew a hole in the wall almost the size of a jumper.” “Yes, well,” Rodney says, steering the conversation back, “somehow, there was some sort of a fail safe built into the city’s infrastructure. There was a kind of a force field where the wall used to be, not unlike that of the cells, but with no power, it wouldn’t have held much longer. When it failed, that thing would’ve sent our coordinates to every Wraith hive ship in the galaxy and well, the ruse would’ve been up. But enough about that, how are you feeling?” “Kinda like I got hit by a truck,” John says and he shifts on the bed to sit up a bit more. “The transmitter’s been taken care of?” “Blasted into almost as many pieces as the Wraith,” Ronon says proudly and Teyla squeezes his arm gently. “We are very glad that you are awake, John,” she says diplomatically, “but perhaps it would be best if we let you rest?” “Whaddya mean? That’s all he’s been doing,” Ronon scoffs, but Teyla tugs at his arm anyway, bless her. “Come,” she says. “Elizabeth, perhaps I could help you in your office, go over the schedule for the teams set to search the rest of the city?” And whatever look she shares with Elizabeth has her nodding, turning to give them both a

smile. “Of course, thank you Teyla,” she says and she reaches out for John, squeezing his arm gently. “Good to have you back with us, John.” John lifts a hand in response as everyone filters out, leaving him and Rodney alone. “You’re an idiot,” Rodney says, just because it’s expected of him, has become part of their standard routine whenever John lands himself in the infirmary. “For what?” “Oh, I don’t know, for letting a sentient city scramble your brains.” “She said she’s sorry, you know,” John says and Rodney rolls his eyes. “Of course she did. And when did we decide that she was a sheafter all? I suppose it makes sense, what with the way women across twogalaxies fawn over you, the famous Colonel Kirk.” “It’s okay to be jealous, Rodney.” “Excuse me? I am not jealous! I just think it’s a little funny that--.” “She even said she hopes you’re not too mad at her,” John interrupts. “What? Why would she care about that?” “I dunno,” he shrugs and he lays back against the pillow, closing his eyes. “Guess she knows how important you are to me. Probably wouldn’t wanna get in your bad graces…” He still can’t get used to this, this… thing. Where they care about each other, but have finally matured enough emotionally to say it out loud. “Yes well,” Rodney sniffs, and settles his hand back against John’s hair, “I’ll forgive her this time. But you tell that harlot--!” “Rodney,” John groans, “she said she’s sorry.” “Alright, alright,” he says and he leans forward, maybe a bit hesitantly, before he presses his lips against John’s. “I’m just… glad you’re okay.” “Yeah,” John agrees. “Me too, buddy. Now how about less talking and more hair petting?” Frankly, there’s nowhere else Rodney would rather be. “Go back to sleep, dummy.” “With pleasure.”

[valdomarx]

Lost in Translation

McShep + fake relationship, for @lamberts <3

John glances around warily. The people of this planet seem friendly enough, but with Teyla and Ronon off visiting another village, he feels acutely vulnerable.

“Will others be joining you?” The village elder gives him a inquiring look.

“Just McKay. He’s my scientist.”

The elder frowns. “What is scientist? We do not know this word.”

“Oh.” He looks around the mud hut and contemplates how to explain it. They clearly don’t have a frame of reference for astrophysics or computer programming here. “He’s part of my team. He travels with us and, you know, gets us out of difficult situations. Opens doors. Fixes things when they break. That sort of thing.”

“Ahh.” The elder smiles beatifically. “This we know. He is your chap’tah.”

“Sure, I guess.”

“It is good for one who travels to have a chap’tah.”

John grins. “He has his uses.”

Some of the villagers raise their eyebrows at that, but it’s soon forgotten as they move onto the trade negotiations.

-

“I brought you food.” One of the village women smiles at him shyly as she hands over some kind of bread and fruit. “Should I bring more for you to give to your chap’tah as well?”

“Thank you.” John waves her off. “But don’t worry about McKay. I’m sure he’ll track down the food himself soon enough.”

The woman draws back in horror. “You do not feed him?”

“What? No?” John boggles. “I mean. He’s allowed to eat. Does so a whole lot, actually. But I don’t typically oversee that personally.”

“In our culture, we honor our chap’tahs by providing them with food. Is it not so where you are from?”

“It’s not.” John thinks about the last time the Daedalus came by to restock Atlantis and the frankly incredible volume of snacks that were distributed among the scientists. “Not officially, anyway.”

“Perhaps you should try it.”

He thinks about the way Rodney’s face lights up when he brings donuts to the lab. “Perhaps I should.”

-

“We have prepared a hut for you and your chap’tah.”

“Great.” John isn’t crazy about staying the night here, but the gate is a long hike away and they clearly aren’t in any immediate danger.

The villager, a young man with broad shoulders, leads him to a hut on the edge of the central meeting place. “We hope you will be comfortable.”

John sticks his head inside. It is exceedingly small, barely enough space for one person. It was going to be cramped as hell with both him and Rodney in there.

But they are guests, and he doesn’t want to be rude. “Lovely. Thank you.”

The young man gives him a knowing wink. “We know that a man likes to keep his chap’tah close.”

And that was… weird. But okay, having a scientist close at hand was pretty useful.

-

Rodney storms up to him and John laughs so hard he nearly chokes. He’s wearing some kind of elaborately tied white tunic and has flowers woven into his hair. His face has turned a furious puce color and he is fuming.

“Fun day?” John asks when he’s regained enough breath to speak.

“They insisted on dressing me like this and it’s all your fault.” He waves a finger in John’s face.

“How’s that?”

“They said I had to be presented handsomely. As if my usual attire is anything but! And the more I argued, the more they insisted I had to because of you. ‘When one is chap’tah, one must be at one’s most agreeable.’” Rodney does a mean impression of one of the village elders. “What the hell did you tell them?”

“Honestly, nothing! Just that you were my team scientist. Maybe they really love celebrating science here?”

“Oh, right, because this is a bastion of forward-looking experimental thinking!” Rodney gestures wildly around the village. “I feel so celebrated.���

John suppresses a smile. “I think you look very nice. White suits you.”

He keeps a straight face for all of two seconds before Rodney tries to throttle him.

-

That night, there’s a celebration in honor of their new trade alliance. The villagers build an enormous bonfire and smoke meats and vegetables over it like the galaxy’s biggest barbecue. After the food, they hand around gourds full of sweet mead which leaves sugar on John’s lips and tingling in his throat. And then the dancing begins.

Dancing has a long tradition in this culture, he learns: dances in the hope of a good harvest, dances to give thanks, dances to celebrate births and to commemorate deaths. Every family seems to own a drum or pipe of some kind, and they bring them out to play relentless, rhythmic music to which they twirl around the fire.

The mead must have been stronger than he thought, because when one of the villagers invites him to dance he takes her up on the offer, letting her show him the steps. He catches sight of Rodney watching him from the other side of the fire with a frown, and he’s compelled to pull him to his feet and to wipe that frown away.

Neither of them have the elegance and agility of the others, but that doesn’t seem to matter. John does his best to show him the footwork, but they mostly end up bumping into each other and laughing. At one point they collide so hard that Rodney nearly goes sprawling, and John catches him around the waist to hold him upright.

The firelight paints them both in hues of orange, and a red flush is spreading across the tops of his cheeks, the way it always does after more than one drink. John longs to trace it with his fingertips.

If I kissed him now, he catches himself thinking, he'd taste of honey and wood smoke.

They make it until dawn before staggering back to their hut. The villagers are still dancing, and they fall asleep to the sound of drumming.

-

John wakes up far too hot, with something fluffy tickling his nose and something soft and appealing pressed up against him.

He blinks, stretches, and realizes the tickling thing is Rodney's hair, which his face is buried in, and the heavy weight is Rodney's ass, which he's grinding up against.

Erm.

“Jesus, Sheppard, you could at least buy me dinner first.”

John stills, embarrassed. Though Rodney sounds bleary but not exactly adverse to the idea.

Interesting.

"How about once we get back?"

"Huh?" Rodney is not at his sharpest first thing in the morning.

"Dinner. You. Me. Atlantis."

"Oh." Rodney snuggles back into him. "Yeah, alright."

Nice. "Okay. Good "

There's a quiet moment, and John enjoys the warmth of his arms around Rodney.

Rodney never could appreciate quiet though. "Why did you stop?" He sounds almost petulant. It's kind of cute. "With the -" he gestures vaguely, "- you know."

"Technically I didn't buy you dinner yet."

"Ehh, I'm pretty easy. I'll put out for a potential dinner."

Really nice.

He smiles into Rodney's hair. "If you insist."

-

It’s several hours later that Teyla arrives. John is sat on a muddy bank playing a game involving balancing piles of sticks with some of the local kids, and Rodney has been hustled off to have more flowers braided into his hair. When the village women tugged him out of the hut, giggling and waving flowers, he’d thrown his hands up and barely even complained, so he must be in a truly good mood.

“John,” Teyla gives him a polite nod as she approaches, flanked by two of the villagers. “Caton and Sar’ai tell me that negotiations went well.”

He stretches lazily. “They did. I think we can get enough food to keep Atlantis stocked for several months.”

“Good. Well done.” She comes and sits by him on the bank. “They also told me that you were here with your husband.”

He blinks at her.

She’s hiding a smile. “Is there something you would like to tell me?”

“Erm.” John thinks back over the last day. The chap’tah. The food. The flowers. The shared hut.

Ahh.

“There seems to have been a misunderstanding about me and McKay. Though, on reflection, I can perhaps see how they might have got the wrong impression.”

Teyla nods sagely. “It would be best if you, how shall we say, play along for the rest of the visit? No need to risk a diplomatic incident.”

Very well. If he must, he must.

When Rodney comes back, this time dressed in a fetching blue sheet with violet flowers tucked behind his ears, John pulls him close and kisses him. Rodney makes a happy humming noise and none of the villagers seem perturbed, so he’s going to count that as a win.

As they collect their gear and begin the walk back to the gate, John takes Rodney’s hand in his own.

Teyla inclines her head knowingly. “I am glad your mission was successful,” she says.

"Just doing my part,” he replies, giving Rodney’s hand a little squeeze, “in the spirit of intergalactic understanding."

[atlantis-scribe]

What are your most deeply held SGA opinions? Can be popular or not.

John Sheppard is in love with Rodney McKay :)

what Jeannie & Rodney's team did in The Shrine was selfish. I understand why they did it, man do I understand, but Jennifer being against their decision is such a juvenile reason to hate her character. if anything, her stand in that particular issue is a point in favor of McKeller (one of very few lol). one of my favorite Shrine episode tags is But If You Try Sometimes (you just might find) by sardonicsmiley because of this particular section:

After their arguments over what should have been done with Rodney, Ronon won't even look [Jennifer] in the eye. She doesn't know how to make the man understand that she could have never let Rodney just go, not while there was still a chance she could do something. A quick death is still a death. It's still unacceptable.

Atlantis is a civilian outpost. it should never have had a military leader (I love Sam, but having her take Elizabeth's place, however briefly, was such a cop out).

in line with that, it doesn't make sense for Sheppard to be immediately in charge when the leader is gone, either. I know it's a terrifying thought, Rodney being in charge, but he's the next ranking civilian. that's actually logical. (besides, Sheppard is many things, but a leader in charge of everyone's welfare — not just his immediate circle / family — is not one of them. we have proof of that in canon.) I'd really love to sit down one day and map out an expedition charter that is actually coherent lol.

Rodney is just as smart as he says he is (even more than he really thinks he is). intelligence is a nebulous concept, and true intelligence, at least the holistic kind, is more than just one's capacity for critical thinking and pattern recognition, but I'd like to believe that in terms of brain power and sheer ingenuity? Rodney is the best in (at least) two galaxies. (yes, even more than Radek. even more than Sam. plus, they're both better than McKay in social / emotional aspects by leaps and bounds, anyway, so they're better off in the end). personally, this helps me rationalize his personality and character in general. it certainly doesn't excuse the bad attitude, but if I look at it as Rodney just being unparalleled in raw mental prowess? so many things about him would make a whole lot more sense. [Jeannie is on the same level, but the key deviations are her being 1) the younger sibling, and 2) a woman, two factors which guaranteed Jeannie a very different path]. the fic Sublime by Lemonbella cemented this headcanon for me, actually:

It was obvious, watching it in process like this, that McKay just had it. He had everything they ever needed right there at his fingertips, to be used at his discretion, and in his own time. Radek suddenly knew why Dr Weir had chosen him for the expedition, why everyone let all the arrogance and bluster and incessant chatter pass them by, and why Rodney was allowed three times his ration of coffee a day. Because you only had to see this in action once to understand that a body needed help to keep up with a mind like this.

Michael, Kolya, & Todd deserved better endings.

everyone needed to apologize to Kavanagh for what went down in Critical Mass. he's a dick, but there's only a handful of differences between him and our Rodney.

Teyla & Kate Heightmeyer were lovers.

Atlantis is not alive, but it is sentient in a way that is beyond human perception (and it is not a big fan of John Sheppard).

send me fandom-related asks (x)

[a-storm-of-roses]

October Fics Day 3: Black Cat

Pairing: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard

Rating: G

Words: 1411

Summary: Rodney gets a pet. John and Rodney test their luck.

Read on AO3 or below!

“Maybe we should bring it back with us. You know, so the zoologists can examine it?”

“Since when do you pick up presents for the zoologists, Rodney?” John asked skeptically.

On the ground, Rodney didn’t answer, too busy scratching the belly of the fluffy, white animal in his lap. It was about the size of a young labrador, but looked like a cross between a fox and a cat. Rodney was clearly charmed by the creature, had been ever since it had wound its way around his legs and begun trilling in a way that was almost reminiscent of a purr.

“Aren’t you a beautiful… uh… whatever you are. Oh! And smart too!” The animal had managed to paw open one of the pockets of Rodney’s vest, and was currently using it’s small, sharp teeth to tear into a power bar. With its tail, it grabbed a chunk of the bar and dropped it into its mouth, trilling again as it gnawed on its new treat.

“Can’t take it back to Atlantis. It’s a white vreelt. They’re bad luck.” Ronon said, eyeing the creature suspiciously, his hand resting light on his stunner.

“What? Don’t be ridiculous. There’s no such thing. Look, it’s a small mammal, with a prehensile tail, and it’s clearly smart. The zoologists will have a field day.”

“The Athosians share the same belief. Vreelt were not native to Athos, but our stories still warned against the white ones. Misfortune follows those who cross paths with a white vreelt.”

“Huh. Like a black cat then,” John muttered.

“Exactly!” Rodney added. “And that’s pure hogwash, nothing but uneducated superstition.”

“Could there be anything behind it?” John asked. “Maybe something biological you didn’t know about? Something to do with the Wraith?”

Teyla shrugged.

“I do not believe so. We have many old folktales like this. But I admit, I have rarely come across a vreelt in my travels, and never a white one.”

“Well there you have it,” Rodney said, pulling the vreelt into his arms and standing. The creature went easily, nearly too easily for a wild animal, wriggling just a bit, before settling happily into the crook of Rodney’s arm.

And god help him, but Rodney looked so soft, so happy, so besotted with the little fleabag he was holding, that John just couldn’t bring himself to say no.

“Fine, we’ll bring it back.”

“Bad idea,” Ronon grumbled as they made their way to the gate. Rodney harrumphed and the vreelt trilled, a bit deeper than before.

When John twisted his ankle on a stray root, just a click from the gate, Ronon said nothing, but his eyebrows definitely said I told you so.

---

For some godforsaken reason, Rodney named the vreelt Pearl. And to his credit, he did leave Pearl with the zoologists for about four days. But while her (and Pearl was a her, it turned out) tail was of general interest, not much else about her was. When Major Lorne brought back a small creature that looked like a cross between a mouse and frog, but turned out to asexually reproduce, the zoologists forgot all about Pearl and she moved back in with Rodney.

Rodney brought Pearl everywhere - to the labs, to the mess, to team movie nights, even though both Teyla and Ronon insisted on sitting as far from her as possible.

She was sweet and smart, and generally well behaved, especially given that Rodney spoiled her rotten, feeding her off of his plate and petting her absentmindedly, every time she begged for attention. And sprained ankle aside, John was sure Teyla and Ronon’s fears were unfounded.

Sure, Rodney spilled blue jello, all down the front of his newly cleaned shirt. And Teyla had lost her best pair of bantos, the ones her father had carved, and Ronon seemed to have developed a persistent stomach issue, which Carson thought might be a gluten intolerance, but none of those things had to do with Pearl.

And it wasn’t Pearl’s fault that the chemistry lab burned down, when there hadn’t even been any active experiments running. Or that the Daedulus somehow brought salt instead of sugar, and everyone was subjected to six weeks of bitter coffee and savory food.

But by the time the ZPM malfunctioned, and the shields failed, John was ready to reassess.

56 long hours, fuelled by adrenaline, bitter coffee and a judicious application of uppers, and John had reached his limit. Rodney was stumbling back to his quarters, crashing already, another crisis averted, when John waylaid him in the transporter.

“She has to go.”

“Who has to what? Sheppard, I’m too tired for this.”

“Pearl. Ronon’s right. She’s bad luck.”

Rodney’s eyes narrowed.

“I’m sorry, has your brain finally abandoned ship, let your hair take control of your body? Do you hear yourself? She’s an animal! A pet! There’s no such thing as bad luck.”

“You have to admit Rodney, things haven’t been going our way recently.”

“This is the Pegasus galaxy, Colonel, when do they ever go our way? I’m way too tired for this nonsense.” And with that Rodney hit the control panel and stalked out of the transporter, striding with purpose, even though John was sure they were nowhere near his quarters.

---

In the cold light of day, and after nearly 16 hours of straight sleep, John could admit he had perhaps been a little rash. He apologized to Rodney, brought Pearl a power bar and a leather chew toy, and glared right back at Ronon whenever he eyed Pearl a little too viciously.

But things kept happening.

They lost power in the central spire, for no apparent reason, faced a shortage of ammunition when the Daedalus was delayed. John caught the Pegasus equivalent of strep throat and lost his voice for a week, and Rodney burned his hands doing a standard rewire on a control panel.

But, bandaged hands aside, Rodney was happy. Softer, lighter somehow, as if having something to love, and something that would love him back, uncomplicatedly, was all he’d really been missing. Pearl adored him, spent her hours sprawled on his lap, or wrapped tightly around his feet, and Rodney doted on her in return, brushing her soft, white fur, and baby talking her when he thought no one else was around.

She was a sweet thing, trilled happily when she saw the rest of the team, even Ronon, who continued to glare suspiciously. John had to admit he’d grown fond of the little puffball, even he did sometimes feel a twinge of jealousy when Rodney stroked her fur and called her beautiful.

---

“What have you done to Pearl!”

“Nothing! It just happened naturally!” Zelenka was stood square in the lab, glaring Rodney down, as a cheerful, but notably darker Pearl, ran circles around Rodney’s feet, trilling in pleasure.

“When I left here, Pearl was very much white. Get it? White? Like a pearl? How the hell did she end up looking... sooty?”

“Pearls can be black too,” Zelenka shrugged.

“Maybe she’s like an ermine,” John suggested, just to watch Rodney splutter some more.

“Don’t be ridiculous- of all the stupid-”

---

As it turned out, Pearl was like an ermine, or a stoat as the zoologists kept calling them.

“She’ll probably turn white again in a few months time - it’s hard to know how the move to a new planet might have affected her rhythms,” Dr. Patel assured him.

“The name doesn’t make sense anymore,” Rodney lamented, even as he held Pearl close, his hands stroking through her darker, slightly rougher fur.

“I mean Zelenka wasn’t wrong.” Rodney fixed him with a blank stare. “Pearls can be black.”

Rodney sighed.

“Least she isn’t bad luck anymore,” Ronon offered.

And when they stumbled on a ZPM on a routine archaeological mission, well that had nothing to do with Pearl either. Nor did the discovery of a bean that tasted suspiciously similar to coffee, or the reappearance of Teyla’s bantos.

And John certainly wasn’t going to credit Pearl for Rodney kissing him, sweet and a bit shy, or the shining happiness in his eyes when John kissed him right back, revelling in the soft press of lips, the warm touch of skin. With a high trill, Pearl summarily interrupted them, head butting Rodney’s arm in annoyance at the lack of attention she was receiving.

As one hand stroked through warm dark fur, and another twined in short brown hair, maybe, John thought, their luck had finally turned around.

[spideystark]

Small Drabble because YouTube gave me angst ideas when it showed me a clip from season 5 episode 6 😌

John had stayed in the infirmary until he'd started getting a questioning look from Jeannie at his insistence to stay, after that he went with Teyla and Ronon to get some food and then to the training room to let off a little steam. He probably should have been a bit more careful though, the splintered dummy that a couple of the Athosian kids had made for them to use? Was a little worse for ware.

After Rodney woke up it was Jeannie that came looking for him, and when he opened his door to her knocking she walked into the room without waiting for him to invite her in or really say anything other than. "Jeannie, what-"

"I just wanted to let you know Mer's awake." She was watching him closely and he doubt that she missed the breath he let out and the way his shoulder seemed the relax like a weight had been lifted off of him.

She crossed her arms as she spoke. "The looks the two of you kept giving each other in that cave, the way you wouldn't leave the infirmary when we got back-he asked where you were when he woke up. What is it he's not telling me?"

"Nothing. He's not...it's not my place to tell you, it's his." Jeannie wasn't dumb, she could put the pieces together and he knew that. Especially when it came to Rodney. "You should really be talking to him about this."

"...You two are sleeping together." John started trying to say something about talking to Rodney and not jumping to conclusions on her own but she didn't give him a chance. "Oh don't even try Sheppard, Meredith is hopeless when it comes to relationships but that doesn't mean I don't see the signs."

"I'm not going to go broadcasting it, Mer loves his job. I'm not gonna put that in jeopardy." She took a few steps closer to him though, arms uncrossing as she reached up and put a hand on each of his shoulders. "You hurt him though and super strength isn't gonna get in my way." So she has heard the gossip around the base about his...identity change.

[dangerously-human]

4, 20, 21, 22, 25 :)

I will confess that responding to your ask took the longest, because you asked the WONDERFUL question that involved combing through a bunch of my own writing to find something I liked and wanted to talk about, which was quite fun but anyway, that's why this response is kinda late!

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

This is a snippet from the Sparky imprint fic. I'm fond of it because everyone feels in character, even Sheppard, who is turning out to be difficult to write dialogue for:

The minutes feel interminable - and really, she should be accustomed by now to the time dilation that seems to occur whenever she’s worrying over Colonel Sheppard - but in reality, probably fewer than five minutes actually pass before he starts to stir. Elizabeth lets out a long, unsteady breath. To her surprise, when John’s eyes flicker open, his pupils focus with no problem - so it’s possible he’s not even concussed.

“Hey,” she says softly. “Nice to have you back with us.”

His forehead furrows in confusion. “I distinctly remember being upright before,” he says. “How long ago did I decide to take a little nap?”

Rodney’s gaze flicks to Elizabeth like he’s seeking permission to make a joke, but at the unguarded ferocity in her expression, he clearly thinks better of it. “You haven’t been out that long, maybe five minutes,” he explains. “You managed to catch the device before it hit the floor, and then - and then you hit the floor instead,” he finishes lamely.

John winces. “Any idea what that thing does? Other than knock me on my ass, I mean.”

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

This question makes me wish I was the kind of writer who included such Easter eggs. Um, well, I always write Endeavour fic with nods to my firm headcanon that Morse has ADHD, even when it isn't totally relevant to the story at hand. In writing his and Joan's daughters for later chapters of A Shifting Cadence, I've been determined to get across that at least their youngest, Zoe, also has ADHD, and while I'm not sure that I'll be able to work it in, I've spent a LOT of time working on squeezing in a bit about her getting diagnosed and Joan raising an eyebrow at Morse when she hears what this ADD (as it would have been in the 80s) business is all about.

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as? (film, webcomic, animated series?)

I sometimes have an idea that makes me really wish I could draw or paint, because it's more of a visual than a story, but I don't have that particular skill at this point. I'm not sure that any of the stories I actually end up telling would work in another medium, though. Maybe one day I'll write more fic poetry, that was a really fun challenge with Love, to You, Is last year.

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

Some of them! I feel like I end up rereading Just Once and Still Here every couple months, partly because they're some of my faves and partly because there just isn't a lot of Continuum fic to begin with. I still like most of my more recent writing, although some of it makes me cringe a little (I very rarely reread A Thousand Reasons, for example, because it's hard not to focus on everything I'd do differently if I wrote it now); my older stuff is from so many years ago that even what would probably count as embarrassing feels like the product of passion from a younger self, so I can excuse it, ya know?

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Answered here

[mylittleredgirl]

Fic promp: We were together. I forget the rest.

yeah so turns out i’m no longer capable of flashfic, so six hours later have this long angsty but hopeful fix-it-y thing instead!

**

John wakes up in the infirmary, gasping, like he’s been held underwater, and he doesn’t remember.

Someone calls for a doctor (Rodney, he knows that voice, it sounds like Rodney), there are warm hands holding him down, Teyla’s voice: “Remain calm. You are in Atlantis. You will be all right.”

His senses start to kick in: the beep of a heart monitor, his own harsh breathing, the infirmary blanket gripped in his hands and pain, and the feeling of something like electricity fizzing along his skin. He can’t—

A light flashes in his eyes (a pen-light, possible concussion) and Keller is talking, telling him to breathe normally.

He tries to, and he sags against the pillows, blinks away the spots. His team is all there—a sign whatever happened to him is bad enough to hold an audience—and he doesn’t—

Ronon asks, “Sheppard, do you remember what happened?”

He doesn’t, he doesn’t, and there’s someone missing—

The first word he gets out is: “Elizabeth.”

Keller says, “Just relax, Colonel, don’t try to talk. Your body’s been through a lot. It’ll take a while to—”

But Elizabeth was with him, the last time he was conscious. He doesn’t remember where he was or how he got there or anything else, but he knows they were together. He still feels shocks along his skin, not unpleasant but strange, something familiar and again he can’t remember, and he manages to say, “Where’s Elizabeth?”

They all exchange looks, Keller with Rodney, Ronon with Teyla, and John realizes there’s something he’s missing.

Teyla’s hand squeezes his shoulder. She asks, far too gently: “John, do you not remember?”

And then, with the sick, sinking feeling that’s been with him for almost two years: he does.  

**

This is what they tell him: There was an accident with the Stargate, an explosion. They knew only he would have rematerialized through a random Stargate at high velocity, and they had no way to know where. They never would have found him if they hadn’t received an incoming wormhole from the planet five days later—no IDC, but nine small strikes against the gate-shield, in a rhythm that Rodney taps out on the hospital table next to John’s bed: dit-dit-dit dah-dah-dah dit-dit-dit.

They found him almost thirty meters from the Stargate, lying out in the open in an arid landscape, unconscious, alive, with no other evidence of human life anywhere on the planet. His body shows evidence of a break across his spine that would have paralyzed him for life if the nerves hadn’t somehow remained intact, internal injuries that should have killed him long before he was rescued. Keller calls his potential for full recovery “astoundingly lucky.”

This is what he remembers: He was dying, slowly, alone, and then he wasn’t.

This is what he knows: Somehow, Elizabeth’s alive, and she saved him.

**

He also knows it’s crazy, of course. So does everyone else. Rodney calls it a hallucination, brought on by blood loss or head trauma. Ronon tells him that his mind gave him something to hold on to, a reason to fight through his injuries for a while longer.

Teyla says, “It is not uncommon near the point of death to be… visited, by loved ones,” and John turns over, rolling away from her, because he’d get up and leave if he wasn’t trapped in bed. Everything they’re saying is right, but it’s wrong and he can’t stand to listen to it.

He remembers: Elizabeth’s hand resting on his chest, real and warm, and the crushing pain lifted enough for him to breathe. Her voice—here, John, drink this—pouring cool water from somewhere between his parched lips. The night desert air was cold but she was warm, and he never had enough clarity to ask her how she got there, but he knows he’d never have survived five days on that planet in the shape he was in. He’d certainly never have made it to the DHD. Certainly would never have crawled back from the DHD to where Rodney says they found him.

Ronon says, “So maybe there was someone else on the planet, and they left before we got there.”

“There was,” John says, frustrated, because he knows how he sounds but she’s the only thing he remembers clearly. Someone else might have been there, but he was barely conscious enough to speak—he wouldn’t have been able to draw out a Stargate address, let alone explain Morse code to someone who didn’t already know it.

He wonders if he’s crazy—if he isn’t, he wonders where she went.

**

He remembers her saying, on the planet: I wish I could do more.

He remembers her saying, on Atlantis: You don’t get to die alone, John. Even if—we’re still with you, you know that.

Sometime after her first brush with nanites, after he nearly died in Kolya’s Wraith torture chamber, after neither of them had slept right in weeks, they found each other on the same lonely pier. They spent six hours talking, sitting side by side, looking out at the black ocean. She told him what happened to her, in a voice so raw he held his breath. He told her things too, dozens of sentences starting with I never thought I’d tell anyone, like there was a spell over both of them, like they were bound together out of time. He told her he wasn’t afraid to die, but he was afraid to die alone.

He remembers how she hugged him, how he wrapped his arms around her and promised himself he wouldn’t close up again, wouldn’t let her close up, because the last time he’d felt anything like this with someone—exposed, but safe—he’d married her. It was different with Elizabeth, of course. Their lives wouldn’t permit romance as anything but an occasional fantasy, but there was always something intimate between them. Elizabeth knew him. She trusted him. She stood by him, and she kept him honest. She made him feel whole.

And he hasn’t felt that, not once since he left her behind on the Asuran planet, until a Stargate explosion broke his spine and she was there, kneeling next to him with tears in her eyes, saving his life and saying I wish I could do more.

**

He’s finally released from the infirmary. It’s happened a few times since coming to Atlantis—too many—that he’s been away from his own room long enough that the first steps in feel surreal. A t-shirt over the back of a chair, a half-finished book he barely remembers on his nightstand—he’s changed so much since leaving those there that it feels like his room is lying in state, a monument to the John Sheppard he was the last time he got dressed here.

The feeing reminds him most sharply of the Cloister, of the time he spent six whole months angry and lonely and abandoned and then returned home the same day he left to a piece of chocolate cake from last night’s mess hall dinner wrapped up on the top of his dresser, still fresh.

He stops three steps inside his bedroom doorway, remembering the energy that crackled along his skin when he woke up in the infirmary, remembering—

He reaches for his earpiece, his radio, before remembering he’s still off-duty and not wearing it, rummages around until he finds—

“Rodney,” he says, and his hands are shaking. “She ascended.”

**

This time, John tells them everything he remembers, no matter how crazy it makes him seem, because it all makes sense now: how she looked like herself again, how he knew it was her, how she touched him and healed enough of his injuries to keep him alive, how she knew where to find him. How she disappeared afterward, without a trace.

She’s dead, but she’s free, and grief and relief are mashed up together. He thinks he’d walk through an exploding Stargate again right now if it meant he could hold her hand.

“I don’t get it,” Ronon says. “If these ascended people can do anything, why didn’t she heal you all the way?”

Teyla chimes in: “If Doctor Weir were aware of us with the power to intervene, would she not have done so before now?”

“The Others wouldn’t let her,” Rodney says, sounding annoyed the way he always does when he’s answering what he considers remedial questions. “Ascended beings aren’t supposed to meddle. She didn’t want to get caught. But if she helped you, maybe that means she’ll find other ways to help us—surely they wouldn’t notice if she happened to leave us a note? With the locations of a ZPN or two?”

“Rodney.”

“I’m just saying!”

“Wait,” Teyla says. “You said she would not want to get caught.”

Rodney crosses his arms. “Yes, I said that.”

“What would happen to her if she was?”

There’s a pause, then Rodney says, “Daniel Jackson had to interfere with a galactic war before the ascended Ancients in the Milky Way kicked him out. Saving one life might not even get her a slap on the wrist. She’ll be fine.”

**

Six days later, John wakes up in the middle of the night, and he knows.

**

He’s still not cleared for off-world duty and there are pressing emergencies requiring Atlantis’s resources, but John argues and badgers and sits in Woolsey’s office calling in every favor he can think of because he can’t let this be put on a mission schedule for next week or next month or when-we-have-time, what-evidence-do-you-have, wait-until-you’re-back-on-your-feet, even-if-you’re-right-you-don’t-even-know-where-she-is when he knows, he knows, he knows.

It’s Keller who ultimately turns the tide, telling Woolsey, “I think he needs to put this behind him.”

John doesn’t care what the rationale is, doesn’t care that the others are humoring him, because he gears up for the first time in six weeks.

The planet where he didn’t die is calm and quiet and looks familiar, even though he was barely conscious the last time he was here and there are no real landmarks to speak of. It’s empty, dusty and rocky, with only sparse low scrub for plant life and no water to speak of. John feels a chill go through him like—well, like he’s walking over what was almost his grave.

“Sheppard!” Rodney holds up his life-signs detector, and John picks up his own, and he forgets that his body is still knitting itself back together and he runs.

“Stay back,” he tells the others when he catches sight of something pale, huddled on the ground. Teyla hands him a blanket, and he tucks it under his arm as he approaches.

He can’t see her face, only pale skin and dark hair, and his heart is pounding. When he says her name it’s barely more than a whisper: “Elizabeth?”

She stirs, shifts until he can see her face, and he remembers, remembers everything about her he hasn’t been able to live without. He hears Rodney behind him—Sheppard, is it her?—but he can’t tear himself away long enough to answer, can’t do anything but cover her body with a blanket and sink to his knees, can’t do anything but feel. “Elizabeth—” He touches her cheek, real, real, real. “—can you hear me?”

Her eyelids flutter and slowly blink open. “Who…?”

“I’m John,” he says. “You’re going to be okay. You’re not alone.”

She whispers, “I don’t remember.”

He swears to himself that every day, every day, he’ll make it up to her. For leaving her, for all the years and pieces of her life she lost, for the afterlife she gave up to save him, for coming back. “It’s okay,” he promises. “You will.”

*end*

[personally-im-feeling-pantastic]

Stargate Atlantis Rewatch Season 1 Episode 10: The Storm

And the Genii are back. Great.

And the episode’s name comes into play, with a giant storm. Which, according to Sheppard, can’t be a storm because it stretches across the whole horizon. Well, he is a pilot, so he’s gotta know these things.

Okay, big problem. The storm covers about 20% of the planet, it’s headed straight for the settlement that the Athosians have made on the mainland, and after that it’s going for Atlantis.

Apparently, this happens about every 20-30 years because of the ocean getting unusually warm.

Aww, don’t cut off Radek. I wanted to hear what you had to say, Radek, even if Rodney didn’t.

And of course, the precautions put in place for these storms is, wait for it… powered by the ZPMs that the Ancients had. Which our fearless heroes do not have.

God, look at how expressive John’s eyebrows are. They’re incredible. Though if you do look at his face without listening to what he’s saying, or just a picture of his face instead of the whole movement, he does look very much like he’s pleading. A puppy does come to mind.

And they have 12 hours to get ready for this. Great.

And now Carson is being put to work on the settlement, even though he doesn’t “really have the right boots for this.” as he was “just meant to come out here to inoculate some wee babies.” He is also one of my favorites.

I think Sheppard just threatened some people on another planet into letting them stay.

“You know, you’re not pleasant when you’re like this, McKay.”

“I’m always like this.”

“My point exactly.”

And, of course Smeadon (leaderish guy of the people who are reluctantly letting the people of Atlantis (and the Athosians) stay on their planet) is contacting the Genii.

And Rodney and Zelenka (Radek) have come up with the ingenious plan to charge Atlantis’s shields using the lightning in the storm, which has “better than a “90%-” “70%” “80%” chance of working (with that exchange going Rodney, Zelenka, Rodney).

I know this isn’t what I should be focusing on, but it’s really sweet that Rodney remembered Elizabeth complaining about her knee.

Wow. The Genii actually, instead of just getting dressed in their costumes, just put them on over their uniforms so that there could be a dramatic reveal. Now that’s what I call dedication.

And Sora is concerned about her choice of allegiance because her...general…?... just killed two men who could have been overpowered. What’s strange is that she didn’t mind lightly torturing a drunk farmer earlier.

I think Koyla (Genii general guy) might now be realizing that everyone didn’t just evacuate Atlantis for nothing.

I think one of the Genii just stroked Rodney’s hair??

Sorry, his name is Kolya, not Koyla.

Also he’s a commander, not a general, apparently.

And Rodney just managed to tell Sheppard what was going on by leaning on the broadcast button of the Atlantis PA system.

Also, by the way, the Genii want all of Atlantis’s C4 and medical supplies. Seriously? Completely ignoring the C4 bit, you can’t even pretend that you’re only taking what you need in order to survive, and the other person should give you an ethical break, because you’re leaving them with nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Also, you don’t need that much C4 to survive. If you really really want it, just take some, and then replicate it.

Look, there’s this Genii that looks so much like that guy Finn, from Glee, I just gotta know if it is him, and the actor was just like 30 when he played him or something.

It IS him. Wow. He was 28 in Glee.

I don’t really like how they’re portraying Sora right now. She’s been training for revenge with this obviously evil guy for months now, she’s actually tortured a guy (mild torture, but still torture), she was very much hardened even before John, Rodney, Ford, and Teyla came (willing to hurt or kill them (or at least fine with the idea of them being killed by her people and superiors), even when they hadn’t done anything that harmed the Genii, nor were they acting like they were going to harm them), but right now she’s suddenly a Good, Kind, Naive Girl who Hadn’t Realized What She Was Doing? I would have no problem with her deciding that Kolya was being too harsh if there was some kind of character development during this (and if it was acknowledged that she understood that she was doing bad things that hurt people before, and was coming past it), but this just makes her character seem unintelligent and weak willed.

Rodney is protecting John and trying to worriedly ramble out reasons why they shouldn’t hurt him, and maybe it’s the large amount of Rodney/John I’ve been reading lately, but I find it kind of adorable.

Uh oh, the grounding thing is broken.

And now Kolya is threatening to kill Weir.

Also, stop grabbing Rodney by his knife wound! I know you guys are evil, but really?

I think that I should mention that while this is going on, Carson, Teyla, Ford, and two Athosians are on the mainland trying to wait out the storm in a jumper.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Conversion, Pt. 13

We then find Sheppard unconscious on a bed in the infirmary with Weir, Beckett and Caldwell watching him from a distance. A nurse is tending to him, seeming to inject something into his system. His left hand is now the same as his right hand was earlier, blackened and shriveled, and he is bound to the bed with restraints.

Beckett: I put him in a medically-induced coma for now. I was afraid he might break through the restraints. Caldwell: That's a good call, Doctor. Weir: So what now? Beckett: The retrovirus has wreaked havoc on his system and it's taking over.

Weir seems to think that it is good to keep Sheppard under so that he will not be able to hurt others or himself in his current state. But at the same time, they have removed Sheppard's agency and forced him to relinquish the control that he desperately to clings to when he is himself. As Weir seems to lack a deeper understanding of McKay, he also does not truly know John Sheppard (yet). Beckett's decision may also have been spurned by the guilt he personally feels for having been responsible for Sheppard's current condition. The oath he has taken is to first do not harm, but he seems to have opted to do what he thinks will cause the least harm in the situation without any input from Sheppard. Yes, Sheppard is out and cannot participate in this discussion but they are literally having this conversation over his head.

Weir: What does that mean? Beckett: It means if we don't find a way to stop the retrovirus in the next twenty-four hours, what's left of the John Sheppard we know will be gone.

His choice of words, "the John Sheppard we know," is fortuitous. The John Sheppard they know is just a slice of the man John Sheppard is, and none of them even really tried to find out what the virus was actually doing to him beyond his physical symptoms, having an interest in what he was thinking and feeling. Trusting his judgement under the circumstances was not an option, but treating him humanely might have been. And Weir approaching him with questions like "How are you feeling?" was not her actually trying to find out how he was, they were merely feel-good bromides and Sheppard knew it. She was not interested in how he was doing, she just wanted to hear him tell her that he was fine because Weir seems almost as bad with feelings and expressing them as Sheppard is himself.

Some time later, and it is possible Weir had left the infirmary right away to let them hear the news on Sheppard's condition, we find her joining McKay, Teyla and Ronon in some nook of the commissary. Teyla and McKay are seated at the table where Ronon is leaning against a railing of some kind. McKay is eating but it does not seem like he has much of an appetite, which tells us something. He is able to eat frozen dinners unthawed but is having trouble swallowing what ever soup he is moving around with his spoon. Later on, in Tao of Rodney (S03E14), Ronon comments on the fact that McKay eats all the time, his observation drawing from moments such as this. Sheppard suggests that he is feeding his unhappiness, that food is something that he turns to when he wants to feel better. But here, he is so unhappy that he can barely even eat to keep his blood sugar stable.

They are not talking, and it seems as though they have not been talking for a while, merely sitting together in silence with nothing to say. The three of them are the ones that spend the most amount of time in Sheppard's company, and so they are leaning to each other for comfort, trying to find strength in each other to get them through this. Sheppard is different things to all three of them, but he is obviously important to them all.

Weir: You guys are up late. McKay: Can't sleep either?

It is late. McKay flat out admits that he cannot sleep knowing where Sheppard is. McKay's voice is hoarse when he asks the question. But notice that he is somewhat surprised that Weir should be losing sleep over this. He understands Teyla and Ronon, they are in this together. McKay does not want to be alone right now, does not think that he should be left alone right now, because trying to hold himself together for the others is actually the only thing keeping him from falling apart. He appreciates that Weir would care enough to be losing sleep over this. But while McKay really wants to know how Sheppard is doing, he cannot bring himself to ask the question, too afraid of what the answer might be. And like she often has had to do for Sheppard, Teyla picks up the question for him.

Teyla: Any progress? Weir: No. He's still in a coma. At least he isn't in any pain.

McKay was looking up at Weir as she entered, perhaps hoping against hope for some good news. As soon as Weir mentions that Sheppard is still in a coma McKay looks down, away from her. Hiding his expression, focusing on the spoon. Note that we, the audience, do not get to see McKay's face here either. The camera cuts away for a considerably long time, showing us only Weir and Dex. And McKay's feelings are not hidden just from the audience, he is attempting to the best of his ability to keep them from the other characters as well.

Dex: Maybe if I went alone, maybe... Weir: It's not open for discussion. Dex: I'm not good at sitting still. Weir: I understand. Believe me, I appreciate how you feel.

Ronon has known Sheppard the least amount of time, and he seems to be feeling helpless and at a loss of what to do. Weir tells him that she appreciates how he feels, possibly referring to his confession that he needs to do something. But perhaps she is referring to all of it, the uncertainty, confusion, helplessness, guilt, apprehension, even anger that the loved ones of the comatose and dying feel. She can appreciate and understand how Ronon feels. But she has no idea how McKay is feeling. Weir has no concept of how McKay, whose mother very likely died of a protracted illness in his youth while he had to watch her wither away feels, as the clock is ticking down endless seconds of time running out for the person he loves most in this world. And again, this is true regardless of how you interpret the nature of their relationship.

Barring Ronon, all of the others have other people in their lives that are important to them. We have been told, in no uncertain terms, that McKay and Sheppard have only each other. Weir cannot appreciate how McKay feels because even McKay is unable to appreciate how he feels in this moment. Like Sheppard had been when the iratus bug had attached itself to his neck, he was in so much pain that it was making him numb and he would not even be able to feel what he is feeling until much later on. The real pain would only come later, when he was alone and there was no one to see it. Out of all of them, it is Teyla that seems to have some idea of what McKay must be going through, able to extend her empathy to him.

Weir: Look, we have closed down that section of the Infirmary but if you feel the need to... What I mean to say is, if you would like to have a private good-bye, you should probably do it soon.

The maintext interpretation is that Weir is offering all of them, Sheppard's team, the chance to say good-bye to him (which, let us recall, is not something that Sheppard ever wants to do), that the three of them could go there together to have a moment. But it is McKay that needs privacy for this, because he is the would-be widower. McKay is the one that might have things to say to Sheppard that are not meant for the ears of others. Note that as Weir suggests this for them, Teyla looks at McKay. He is checking up on McKay. And while McKay notices the look, he probably appreciates that she looks at him with such compassion, he still has to look away. He has to hide what he is feeling even from her.

McKay: Are we really there? Weir: I think we might be.

McKay's voice breaks as he asks Weir if this is really it, and we see him blinking away tears like we had once before after they discovered that Sheppard had survived transporting a nuke onto a hive ship in The Siege (S02E01). He blinks twice and it is after he looks back at Weir that we see his eyes have teared up. It is literally a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment, interrupted by Beckett suddenly hailing them on the radio. McKay is so good at keeping his emotions concealed, has a lifetime of practice of not letting other people see how deeply he hurts that you can entirely overlook the breaking of his heart here. Something in him dies when Weir tells him that Sheppard is done for, and it is difficult to see if you do not know what to look for. Because the deeper McKay hurts, the more still and quiet he becomes. If he has a splinter in his hand, he will let the whole world know about it. When his whole world comes crashing down, you will not see him flinch.

Beckett: Doctor Weir, I need to speak to you immediately. Weir: What is it? Beckett: Meet me in your office. I think I have an idea.

They all get up immediately, Teyla, Ronon and McKay joining Weir to hear what Beckett has come up with without any further discussion. It may not be enough to get their hopes up but at least it is something for them to do. Because McKay was seated furthest into the room he was the last to leave the commissary, but we may note that he is the first after Weir to arrive at the command centre. He is keeping very close to her and Beckett, not wanting to miss anything they are saying.

Beckett: I'm sorry, it just came to me. The fact that his mutation has progressed as far as it has may be his salvation. Weir: Explain that.

Beckett calls Sheppard's condition a mutation and while it may be accurate, it does once more connect what is taking place to the X-Men and their use of mutants as an allegory for the persecution of gay people. Ellia's desire to cure herself of her wraithness is a storyline straight form the comics. However, in this episode they are not seeking to cure Sheppard of wraithness, they are trying to combat his guilt, his fear and other dark emotions that have been festering inside him for too long. And it is interesting that Beckett suggests that it is the fact that Sheppard is close to hitting rock bottom, is smack in the middle of the dark night of his soul that may yet save him. The only way out is through.

Beckett: His sweat glands are actually producing trace amounts of their signature pheromone. Weir: And? Beckett: When we were in the cave, those bugs knew we didn't belong there, so they didn't really fancy us getting close to their nest.

First of all, we get an actual mention of pheromones and their influence. Sheppard is now producing the iratus pheromone, and we are told that it is specifically produced by the sweat glands. Earlier, Sheppard had been around both Ronon and Teyla as the two of them had been sweating, leading up to him acting erratically both times but especially with Teyla. But note also the mention that the bugs did not fancy the humans close to their nest because they knew that they did not belong there. This is precisely what had happened when Weir walked into Sheppard's room earlier. She did not belong there, and he did not fancy that. We did not get to see what would have happened if it had been Teyla instead. And we get no inkling whatsoever what would have happened had it been McKay. But it sure seemed like Sheppard was looking for him earlier.

McKay: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. I see where you're going with this. If we can artificially create the pheromone, it might be able to confuse them enough to leave us alone. Beckett: Aye, that would work. McKay: Well, that's an excellent plan, Carson!

Note that McKay is the first to grasp Beckett's idea, and it is not just because he is the most intelligent and the quickest thinker of them all. It is because his entire mind has been working on saving Sheppard ever since they found out about this, all of his resources on how to solve this particular problem. And it is as though suddenly he is alive again, he is almost giddy with the possibility that there might be something they can try. He is willing to grasp at any straw he can find.

Beckett: Aye, I wish it was. Dex: You can't do that in time. Beckett: No, it'd take days. Weir: But you said Sheppard only had twenty-four hours before the damage the retrovirus was causing him would be irreparable. Beckett: Exactly. McKay: Well, then, that's a terrible plan, Carson!

Here, McKay's responses to Beckett's explanation are played out for comedy. There is a comedic beat to his delivery. But what happens is that Beckett gets his hopes up and then snatches that hope right out from underneath him. McKay looks at Weir as he says this, still clearly trying to process what Weir had just said about Sheppard having 24 hours left. He can feel the clock running down and he has no time for inane chatter so unless Beckett has something to actually offer them, he is not going to waste his time here for much longer. Even though it might destroy him, he would much rather spend those hours by Sheppard's comatose body.

Beckett: There's only one person on this base that wouldn't need the artificial pheromone. Weir: Sheppard?! Beckett: He could walk right in that cave and those bugs wouldn't pay him any mind. McKay: I'm not sure if you've noticed or not, but Colonel Sheppard's not feeling very well.

Note the way McKay enunciates Colonel Sheppard here, forced to call him by his title while they are in public and in full view of the staff. The fact that he calls Carson Carson in this scene not once but twice just once more calls attention to his choice of what to call Sheppard. The way he says it might also contain more than a bit of attitude toward Weir just having called him "Sheppard," and it definitely seems like both Sheppard and McKay have a lot of feelings related to this naming thing.

It is interesting that Weir looks at McKay here, for some kind of confirmation. It is obvious that they are talking about Sheppard, so her need to confirm something with McKay has to be something other than the identity of who Beckett is referring to. And it is also notable that here, McKay takes it upon himself to talk for Sheppard, to advocate for him. Beckett is Sheppard's MD but for some reason McKay feels like he needs to remind Beckett of the condition Sheppard is in. And furthermore, this also hints at the fact that McKay knows how Sheppard is, has some insight into his condition that cannot be explained by the maintext where the last time McKay had seen Sheppard was when he was having his splinter removed at the beginning of the episode.

Also important is the fact that McKay is the only one of them that has spent any time thinking about how Sheppard must be feeling after he started turning into a bug. Both Beckett and Weir tried to empathize with him when he first learned about his condition but here, and even before with Caldwell, McKay shows that he cares about how Sheppard is feeling right now. What ever might be happening to Sheppard, he is still Sheppard to him. And because Sheppard is unable to advocate for himself, McKay takes it upon himself. While McKay is neither able nor allowed to make medical decisions for Sheppard, he is certainly not going to allow them to do anything stupid or dangerous to him either.

Beckett: He stopped taking the inhibitor we were administering. It was able to keep him lucid. Weir: I thought its effectiveness had worn off. Beckett: True. But I believe if we give him another massive dose, he may be clear-headed enough to complete the mission before we lose him completely.

It is interesting that, according to Beckett, Sheppard had stopped taking the inhibitor. We were told that his body was mutating but the inhibitor was what was keeping his mind lucid, allowed him to retain his sense of self, his humanity, his thoughts and memories. Weir suggests that the effectiveness was wearing off which would mean that Sheppard had been losing himself incrementally but Beckett makes it sound as though he had made a decision not to do it anymore. Left alone with nothing but his thoughts is how Sheppard punishes himself, and being so confined in the place that he loved, by the people he loved, becoming more of a threat to the people he wants to protect by the moment had to have been torture to him. It was not Sheppard's body that was in pain but his mind. There had to have been a point at which declining the inhibitor must have felt like relief.

McKay: Yeah, but won't giving him that much inhibitor, like... Beckett: Kill him? Yes, it's a definite possibility. Even if I knew it was for certain, I'd be tempted to offer him one last hour of lucidity. Weir: Do it. Gear up, take him as far as the cave.

Years later in The Shrine (S05E04), their roles are reversed and they are standing in the same office having the same discussion about McKay, about taking him into a cave where he might have his final moments of lucidity. Ronon tells them about about the cave that had allowed his grandfather to become lucid enough to hold his wife in his arms and share a meal with the people that he loved. And then they lead McKay into this cave while he is literally in Sheppard's arms and further cocooned within his leather jacket the whole way there. Sheppard had once asked Ronon if he had a wife (Sunday, S03E17), and he told him she had been "close enough". Where McKay is suffering from the same ailment that Ronon's grandfather had died from, it is easy to see who bears the role of his grandmother in all of it. Sheppard and McKay are each other's "close enough".

It is McKay's sister that they called in to make the final decision on what to do with McKay as he was dying, and it is Weir that makes the call here. He gives Beckett the go-ahead and he orders McKay and the rest of the team to accompany Sheppard to the cave. The fact that McKay is not in the position to make medical decisions for Sheppard, and later on Sheppard has no say in what is done to McKay was very much a part of the problem, was among the reasons for exploring this subtext on the show. Sheppard and McKay may love each other all day long, they may be the most significant people in each other's lives, but there is no official recognition of the bond that is deeper than words between them. Fates such as this were among the most important reasons that people fought so hard to achieve recognition for same-sex relationships and marriage equality.*

McKay seems lost here. He does not know what to do, what to think, how to feel. Of course having Sheppard back for one hour is better than never having him back at all, but that hour is going to be torture at the same time. The last thing Sheppard wants is to say good-bye and McKay knows this about him by now. He knows now what Sheppard had meant with the words "So long, Rodney," back when McKay had first thought that his heart was breaking when he had not yet known anything about real pain. We see McKay look at Weir before she gives her go-ahead, and we do not know whether Weir saw his look, whether she responded to it. Whether she acknowledged his role in all of this. But the fact that how they would spend their final hours together would depend entirely on the kindness and understanding of their director was very much a part of the problem.

Next, while the team are gearing up for the mission, we find Weir and Beckett back in the infirmary watching Sheppard wake up from his medically induced coma. A thing to note is this: like we saw in The Siege (S02E01) when Weir was walking toward Sheppard and Sheppard was looking around trying to find someone else, he does the same thing here. He can see (and not only see but also hear) Weir and Beckett to his right but ass he wakes up, his eyes are searching for someone on his left. That is his first thought upon waking up, looking for someone he expects to be there. And this will not be the last time that Sheppard wakes up in a hospital looking for that same someone to be by his bedside only to not find him there. Let us also recall that the last time that McKay was unconscious in the infirmary, Sheppard was there waiting for him to come to.

Weir: John? John. Hey. You're in the Infirmary. Beckett: Sorry about the headache. It's a side effect of the inhibitor.

At the end of Tabula Rasa (S04E06), Sheppard wakes up not to find McKay by his bed with only Ronon and Teyla there to welcome him to the land of the living. His immediate thought is that something must have happened to McKay. McKay must be severely injured, sick or dead not to be by his bedside. Teyla tells him that many people died from the same illness that had claimed him, and he immediately wanted to know where Mckay was. And already here, where his first thought was to look for someone, his second thought is about whether he hurt anyone. Whether he hurt the person that he was looking for when he escaped his quarters. Because he could probably remember the clearly overpowering need to find him, to get to him, but he cannot remember if he ever reached his target. Yes, there were other people there and yes, he did hurt some of his own men. But that is not why it is the first thing he says.

Sheppard: Did I hurt anyone? Weir: No, not seriously. Sheppard: Did Ronon shoot me? Weir: You had it coming.

Let's put a pin on what Sheppard asks here because it may be relevant as to why this episode is called "conversion," there is a reference here to another thing one of the creators (Brad Wright) had written previously that I will discuss in more detail with the conclusion of the episode.

Important here is that just as soon as Sheppard regains his own sense of self, he is thinking about others, he is thinking about protecting them. He thinks of others first and himself second, which we can see very clearly here. Also, as he asks Weir whether Ronon shot him, trying to get confirmation for the fact that his memory of the events is correct, Weir both makes it into a joke and tries to lessen the impact, thinking that Sheppard is feeling upset about someone close to him having taken a shot at him. But Sheppard does not seem upset about it, does not sound upset in the least. He is looking for confirmation. Because if Ronon had shot him when he himself had posed a threat to McKay, then Ronon had been doing exactly what Sheppard had wanted him to do. He had brought Ronon on to protect McKay from everything, including himself. Good man. And Weir had further good news for him:

Weir: Look, we don't have a lot of time. This dose of the inhibitor drug will only last about an hour. How would you like to go on a mission?

Weir was still asking stupid questions, it seems. Of course he would like to go on a mission. He had told her that he should have been with them from the start. Only, he is well aware that it is going to be much more dangerous now. Ronon may have been the only thing that had kept him from getting to McKay earlier. And now he had to put all of his trust on him to be able to do it again if it came down to it. It was not just McKay he was having to learn how to trust during this ordeal.

Continued in Pt. 14

-*

The Shrine (S04E04) is 100% about this exact thing:

Lisa, Janice's partner of nearly twenty years, collapsed aboard a cruise ship in Miami. Paramedics rushed Lisa to the hospital, where Janice impatiently waited for news of her partner's condition. She requested visitation with Lisa, but was refused access for eight hours. A hospital social worker informed Janice that since Florida was an "anti-gay state," Janice was not going to be allowed to see Lisa or know about her medical condition. Later that night when Lisa's sister arrived at the hospital, the hospital workers immediately told her where she could find Lisa for visitation. Lisa suffered an aneurysm and died later that night, without Janice or their adopted children's presence or comfort in her final hours of life. [source]

[ragingpancake]

I Will Try (To Fix You) - Part One

Here’s the thing: Rodney is an actual pain in the ass. They’d be hard pressed to find anyone in two galaxies who didn’t agree with that assessment but most of the time, John doesn’t mind. He puts up with all of Rodney’s neuroses with a kind of fond indulgence but there’s really only so much that one man can take, even if that man is John Sheppard, McKay whisperer. The trek to the Carnean settlement is long and it’s hot and John isn’t feeling charitable the fifty seventh time that Rodney complains about the heat. He snaps at the scientist in a way that he almost never does, even Teyla and Ronon visibly reacting to the sting of his words. Later, once they’re back home and John doesn’t feel like he’s going to sweat to death, he’ll ply Rodney with some chocolate and coffee as an apology, but now, he’s grateful for the silence. -- The Carneans aren’t quite what John expected. Most of the planets they trade with are primitive in technology, and the ones more advanced are usually comprised of a bunch of dicks. Teyla had warned that they were a peaceful people, but deeply, deeply religious in regards to their technology, believing them to be gifts from their Gods. She said it as a warning mostly to Rodney, who had horrible manners on even the best of occasions, but was known to abandon all pretense of any sort of civility when it came to shiny, new ancients toys that he could get his hands on. He promised to behave though, looking a little bitterly in John’s direction, clearly still smarting from the reprimand earlier, but John still won’t let himself feel bad about that when the armpits of his black t-shirt are completely drenched, leaving him to feel sticky and gross and still annoyed. To his credit, John can tell that Rodney really does try to behave. He questions the Carneans about their energy source almost delicately, even as his handheld is going crazy in his hand, alerting them all to almost ZPM level energy signals coming from just beneath them. His resolve to be, well, Rodney is slowly starting to break though and even though John warns him twice, voice growing more agitated as the Carneans grow increasingly uncomfortable with Rodney’s line of questioning. “Rodney,” Teyla interjects, forcing a smile to her face though her eyes never leave their leader, Arrens. “Perhaps it would be best if we—” “No, no! You don’t understand! This energy source is—” He yelps as Ronon scruffs him, grabbing him by the back of his tac vest to stop him from venturing to the giant pillars before them, the ones that lead down to their most sacred chamber. “Perhaps we should return to the village,” Arrens says and his voice is even, though clearly laced with barely concealed disdain for the scientist. John’s about to joke that he’ll have to get in line with all of the other people in Pegasus that Rodney has annoyed when Rodney wiggles free of Ronon and starts for the temple entrance. “McKay!” John snaps again and this time, it’s him who reaches out for Rodney, grabbing him none to gently by the shoulder, squeezing not so hard enough to actually hurt Rodney, but to get his attention. It has its desired effect and John leaves Teyla to offer their profuse apologies as he and Ronon set off for the Jumper, dragging Rodney between them.

--- “What part of sacred temple do you not understand?” John barks, whirling around on the scientist as soon as they’re far enough away from the Carneans. “For someone as smart as you, you have absolutely zero common sense!” “But the energy source--!” “I don’t give a crap about the energy source, Rodney! We need their grains, you know that, and instead, you’ve jeopardized this entire mission!” John’s sure why he’s so angry, but he’s hot, he’s tired, and once again, they’ll have to go back through the Gate empty handed all because Rodney couldn’t control himself for a total of two seconds. “Sheppard,” Ronon grumbles as Rodney seemingly wilts in front of them, not used to being on the receiving end of John’s Colonel Sheppard wrath and for a second, he feels a little bit like a dick. He takes a deep breath, in through his nose, out through his mouth and gestures to the Jumper. “Get in.” “Sheppard, I—.” “I said get in, McKay. We’ll have this discussion later.” --- They’ve only been back at the Jumper for about fifteen minutes when Teyla comes through the thick foliage and she doesn’t look nearly as put out as John expected. He knows that she’s been counting on those grains for the Athosian settlement too, but she seems in good spirits as they meet her at the ramp of the Jumper. “I have spoken to Arrens and explained Rodney’s… over excitement away as a bit of religious zeal. They were concerned at first that he might wish to desecrate their sacred temple, but they have been advised that he simply wished to learn more about their practices.” “That actually worked?” Ronon asks, eyebrow raised. “It is not uncommon for planets to simply trade knowledge, Ronon,” Teyla admonishes and she turns back to John. “They wish for us to join them for a meal so that we might continue talks of negotiation.” John glances at Ronon and then back to Teyla, gauging the situation before he finally turns his gaze to Rodney, leveling him with a glare. Rodney holds his hands up, handheld tucked away safely in his vest. “Best behavior, yes, I know. You’ll not hear a peep from me.” “I doubt that,” John snorts but he nods. “Alright then. And Rodney, if you so much as look like you’re going to mention that damn energy source, I’ll string you up myself. Clear?” “Crystal.” “Good. Let’s go.” --- The meal goes better than John expects, honestly. While Arrens still maintains a cool demeanor despite Teyla’s best diplomatic attempts to draw him into conversation, his son Atton speaks animatedly with both John and Ronon as Rodney finishes off his third bowl of stew. John has to cut him off from going back for a fourth as Arrens eyes seem transfixed on the scientist and Rodney’s already offended these people once today. John won’t allow him to do it a second time. “Lay off, McKay,” he mutters under his breath and Rodney whines like he always does when food’s involved. “But it’s good. When’s the last time we actually had a decent meal off-world? You think they do doggie-bags here? Maybe we can take it back home and the cooks can figure out how to—” Ronon elbows him in the side and Rodney doesn’t quite yelp but it’s a near thing and John figures the Carneans have probably had enough of Rodney for one day. Once again, John leaves Teyla to the niceties while Atton escorts the three men outside and it’s not long at all before Teyla joins them and they set off for the gate again. --- The walk back to the Jumper is much less miserable than it had been on the way to the settlement, for which John is eternally grateful. The sun is beginning to set, cooling the air and he finds himself much less agitated than he’s been for most of the day. Even the sound of Rodney gulping his water behind him isn’t enough to annoy him now, whereas earlier it very well might have sent John into a homicidal rage. “Did that stew leave a weird after taste with anyone?” He asks, and John rolls his eyes at that. “Nope, but we didn’t eat enough to feed an entire army.” Rodney huffs at that and tips his canteen up again,

frowning when he finds it empty. Teyla wordlessly passes her own to him, squeezing his shoulder gently, affectionately maybe, and John knows that while Rodney annoys the shit out of everyone they’ve ever met, he’s there’s and John isn’t the only one who is indulgently fond of Rodney. Even when he’s at his most annoying. --- Their return through the Gate is uneventful. Elizabeth is there to meet them when they arrive and John is feeling charitable enough now that he doesn’t even mention Rodney’s faux pas. He promises to have Teyla fill her in more on the trade agreement she’d been able to broker before he leads his team down to the locker room, Rodney strangely quiet the whole way. John’s about halfway through removing his gear when he glances over at Rodney, one eyebrow raised to find him sitting on the bench, still in his tac vest and thigh holster. “What’s wrong with you?” He asks, kicking Rodney’s boot gently with his foot to get his attention and Rodney startles, lifting his gaze to meet John’s. “What? Uh, nothing. Nothing, it’s just… my stomach feels a little…” He gestures vaguely and Ronon laughs behind them, clapping Rodney on the shoulder. “Must have been that third bowl. One of our commanders back on Sateda had a large appetite, but I think even you could out eat him, McKay.” “Gee, thanks,” Rodney frowns as John goes back to hanging up his vest, surreptitiously glancing over at the other to find that he does actually look a little green around the gills. “You wanna go see Beckett?” John offers after a moment. “No, no. Chewbacca’s probably right,” Rodney says as he unstraps his holster and stands, shrugging off his tac vest. “We all had the same thing, and you’re all fine.” John just shrugs. It’s not the first time Rodney’s eaten himself to a stomachache and he’s pretty sure it won’t be the last. “Alright,” he says, clapping Rodney on the shoulder, a little more gently than he’d been earlier in the day. “If anything changes though…” “Yeah, yeah. I know the drill.” “Alright. Debriefing in an hour. I’ll see you there.” “Yeah,” Rodney agrees. “See you.” John does not actually see Rodney later. At least not while he’s conscious. --- It happens really fast. Rodney doesn’t actually show up for the debriefing but that in and of itself is not really weird; he’s skipped more than one debriefing over the last few years, but there’s something gnawing uncomfortably in his gut anyway. They finish up and by the time they’re done, John thinks he’s probably just being a paranoid asshole, but he taps his comm, needing Rodney to confirm he’s good. “Sheppard to McKay, come in.” Silence. “Sheppard to McKay, Rodney, respond.” John glances over at Ronon and Teyla who have both been standing by, Teyla looking as worried as John feels and Ronon… well, Ronon looks pissed off, but John knows that that’s Ronon’s default when it comes to concern. “Sheppard to Zelenka, come in.” This time, his radio crackles immediately in his ear. “Zelenka here, go ahead Colonel.” “Hey Dr. Z, is Rodney down there?” John waits impatiently, but even before Radek answers, John already knows. “No Colonel, he is not here.” “I will check the infirmary,” Teyla says, squeezing John’s wrist. “Ronon, the mess. John, perhaps you should check his quarters. If Rodney was not feeling well, it’s likely he is in one of these three places.” “Yeah,” John nods. “Yeah, you’re right, okay. As soon as you find him, radio in.” They disperse quickly and John doesn’t mean to, but the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach twists and he realizes that at some point, he’d started to jog to the transporter to take him as close Rodney’s room as possible. “Sheppard to McKay,” he says again, a little breathless as he steps out of the transporter, “Rodney, I swear to God, you better be alright or I’ll kick your ass.” Even the threat of bodily violence doesn’t raise him and by the time John skids to a halt in front of Rodney’s door, he’s expecting the worst. He pounds on the door once, giving Rodney the

chance to open it, but when he hears nothing inside, he palms the door open to find Rodney face down on the floor, lying in a puddle of his own vomit. “No. No, no, no.” John closes the distance between them, calling for a medical team with barely concealed fear in his voice as he drops down to his knees, rolling Rodney over onto his side as he presses two fingers to the side of his neck. He can feel a pulse there but it’s rapid and thready. “Rodney, c’mon buddy. You gotta wake up, hey, hey, c’mon. Wake up, Rodney.” He’s babbling, he knows that, but he doesn’t know what else to do until he hears the sound of the medical team in the hallway, sprinting toward them, Teyla and Ronon both hot on their heels. “What happened?” Beckett barks as they spill into the room and John drops back on his ass, away from Rodney so that they can work. “I don’t… I don’t know, we just got back and he said he had a stomachache but he was fine and he--.” Ronon hefts John back to his feet, as Beckett assess the situation, calling down to the infirmary to warn them of their imminent arrival as Rodney’s lifted onto the gurney, his body sickeningly limp. “Did he ingest anything off world?” He calls over his shoulder, expecting them to follow, and they do, Ronon forcing John to keep moving. “Colonel!” Carson snaps when John doesn’t immediately answer as one of the nurses places the ambu bag over Rodney’s face. “We took part in a meal with the Carneans, but we were all served the same food,” Teyla answers for John when it becomes clear that he won’t, or rather, can’t. John can’t tear his eyes away from Rodney as his chest rises and falls only because of the bag forcing air into his lungs. “Blood pressure’s dropping!” Simpson announces as the doors to the infirmary open and the last thing they hear is Beckett cursing as the doors close in their faces. --- He should’ve forced him down to the infirmary. The moment Rodney gave any indication that something was off, John should’ve marched him down here himself, but Rodney had been a pain in the ass all day and-- John had figured he’d deserved a bit of a stomachache for as much trouble as he’d almost caused and if Rodney wasn’t okay, John would--. John had no fucking idea what he’d do. They’re sitting outside of the infirmary, John’s leg bouncing nervously, head cradled in his hands with Teyla and Ronon flanking him. Others had come when word began to spread, Elizabeth and Radek, even Lorne, posted near the door. It’s unsettlingly quiet, only the muffled sounds spilling through the doors to be heard. Their vigil seems to stretch on forever. Seconds into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into--. Honestly, John has no idea how long they’ve been here. Time has no meaning in this moment and while it feels like it’s been days, after what in reality was only thirty minutes, Beckett steps out, looking more grim than John thinks he’s ever seen him, including the time that John turned into a bug. “We don’t have much time,” he says, glancing to Elizabeth. “I need permission to move him down to the Stasis pods. His condition is rapidly deteriorating and without an antidote on hand--.” “Antidote?” Ronon interrupts, hand clenched into a fist at his side. “Are you saying McKay was poisoned?” “Aye,” Beckett answers shortly. “Elizabeth, his organs have already begun to shut down at an alarmingly rapid pace. If we delay this--.” “Go,” Elizabeth says at once and Carson is gone before there’s a chance to ask anything further. John doesn’t need to know anything else though. He stands, nodding at Ronon and Teyla to go gear up and without a single word, the two turn, reading his body language clearly enough. John will be right behind them, but first he needs to make sure Rodney gets to where he’s going. The doors open again, the medical team moving at a quick pace, but John keeps up with them easily, coming to a stop only once they reach the stasis chamber. Rodney is sickeningly gray now and if John didn’t know better, he’d think he was already gone. He reaches for the other’s

hand as Beckett and one of the nurses ready the pod and he squeezes Rodney’s fingers as he leans in close to his ear, willing Rodney to hear him. “I will fix this,” he vows, lips brushing the outer shell of Rodney’s ear. “I will burn that entire fucking planet down if I have to, but I promise you, I will fix it. Hang on, Rodney. Please.” “Colonel,” Beckett says, shouldering John bodily out of the way. “Get a move on, son. The stasis pod will keep his organs from shutting down any further, but I need that antidote if there’s any hope of bringin’ him back from this.” John does not need to be told again. --- Arrens is prepared for their return. There is a group of armed men waiting at the gate, Arrens standing unapologetically behind them. John wants to blow them all to pieces as soon as the Jumper clears the event horizon but Teyla reminds him as calmly as possible that doing so will make it impossible for them to find the antidote. Instead, he touches the Jumper down and they’re out, weapons raised. “You come to our village,” Arrens booms, “attempt to desecrate our templeand return to turn your weapons upon us?” “Give us the antidote and we will leave, never to return again!” Teyla responds, neither John nor Ronon moving to lower their weapons. “We did not intend to offend your Gods; Doctor McKay had no malicious intentions.” Arren is not moved, however, but there’s another, Atton, who steps forward, maybe to act as a liaison for his people, but it’s all John needs to move. It happens so quickly, that none of the Careans have an opportunity to fire as John grabs the boy, arm around his neck as Atton struggles, hands up in surrender. “Please, Colonel Sheppard--.” “Nothin’ personal, kid,” but John’s not leaving here without that antidote. “You have five seconds to give us what we’ve come for. Do not make me ask again.” “My… my bag,” Atton struggles, but John does not hear him as his grip tightens around his throat. “Release him at once!” Arrens bellows, and he steps forward, as if to charge them but Ronon aims his weapon, finger on the trigger and the man stops. “Arrens, please,” Teyla tries, “there need not be bloodshed between our two peoples! Gives us the antidote!” Atton hits John’s wrist, struggling against him, blunt nails digging into skin and he tries again. “B… a…” And then John spots it, the tiny vial that’s tumbled from the bag dropped by the boy when John grabbed him. “Ronon!” The Satedan surges forward, grabbing it at the same time John releases Atton, who falls to his knees, gasping for air. “If he dies,” John snarls, aiming his side arm at the leader of the Careans, almost begging the man to give him a reason,“there is no place in this galaxy that you will be able to hide.” “John,” Teyla pleads urgently, trying to usher him back towards the Jumper. “We must go. Rodney is in great need.” And it’s that reminder that snaps John out of it as he backs into the Jumper, Ronon already dialing. --- Even with the antidote, they have no way of knowing if Rodney’s going to make it. The damage to his insides was extensive; his kidneys had shut down completely and Carson warns that if he wakes up, there very well could be weeks, if not months of dialysis treatments. They still have no way of knowing if there was any damage to his nervous system, and they won’t know until he wakes up. Carson speaks in hypotheticals, using if instead of when and John finds that every time he does, he wants to scream. If he’d been less pissed at Rodney, if he’d paid a little bit more attention, he could’ve caught this. The increased thirst, back on the planet, that could’ve been their first sign that something was wrong and they could’ve-- He should’ve--. Whether Rodney wakes up or not, John knows that he’ll never forgive himself for this one.

---

In the end, Rodney does wake up. He does so quietly, without fanfare, alerting at first only John when Rodney squeezes his fingers gently where they’re linked through his own. He sits up from where his head had been pillowed on the bed at Rodney’s hip and for a moment, when he sees those blue eyes staring back at him, he can’t quite breathe. “John,” Rodney rasps, voice hoarse, a bit pained. “Where… what…?” “Hey buddy,” John greets, leaning back in his chair for a split second to signal to Marie before his gaze flickers back to Rodney’s ashen face. “You’re okay. You’re in the infirmary. You’ve been here for a couple of days.” A couple of days which felt uncomfortably like an eternity. Rodney’s eyes close again and for a second, John thinks maybe he’s slipped back into unconsciousness, which Beckett had previously warned could happen, but then Rodney’s blinking up at him. “The… the energy source,” he manages. “There was… ‘m sorry.” “Hey, hey,” John says and he scoots forward in his chair and John can hear Beckett approaching, knowing it won’t be long before John’s forced to give up his seat at Rodney’s side while he’s examined. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Rodney.” And least nothing that Rodney should be sorry for. John, on the other hand… “You’re gonna be okay though. You hear me? You’re gonna be fine, I promise.” Rodney nods and closes his eyes again, clearly exhausted from the short exchange. Beckett steps in and John starts to pull back, to let the other work, but Rodney grips his fingers again. “Stay,” he rasps and John glances at Beckett who gives a barely there nod. “Alright,” he says, settling back down into his chair. “I’m here, buddy. I’m not goin’ anywhere. I promise.”

[atlantis-scribe]

AU-gust 2021 ( Day 17 )

Wings

(in which John has the swiftest pair of wings in all of Lantea & Rodney is his newest student who’s in serious need of flying lessons) 

.

The grass around them sways as John lands, fists on his hips and one leg on the ground as the other folds, kicked up and shooting out. The pose gets its intended reaction when, a couple of yards away, Rodney crosses his arms and scowls.

"Great," Rodney grouses. "That's just great. Do you want me to fetch Lorne so he can paint a picture? You can sell posters during the next fair. The extra coin should be enough to help you buy a ticket out of preadolescence."

John smirks. "Or we could get you a working sense of humor."

Rodney's new wings, a bright and brilliant stretch of blue that stands out against the colorful meadow, flare out behind him. Their ‘span exceeds even John's own, so the wind they carry when Rodney moves them almost knocks John flat on his ass.

Almost.

He spreads his own wings to catch the force of the fabricated breeze, letting it carry him a few inches up before he settles down again, just as gracefully as the last time.

"Come on, Rodney! I thought we're here to have fun?"

"No." Carefully, Rodney folds his wings again, all the way down until they're nothing but a hard outline that borders his tense form. "That's you. You wanted to have fun. I wanted to have a productive morning, and you somehow had me convinced it would be by learning how to control these pesky appendages I'm suddenly forced to deal with."

Even if he's not the sharpest knife in Ronon's collection, John has known Rodney long enough to tell the difference between the usual snits and a genuine episode.

Rodney's sincerely freaking out this time.

John wipes the smirk off his face and tucks away his own wings. He crosses the distance between them with his feet and stops just outside the circle of Rodney's known personal space.

"What's wrong?" he asks. "Even before you got your wings, you're the foremost expert in flight theory. McKay's principle, remember?" John steps back to slash at the air with comically stiff arms. "Lift! Drag! Air Pressure!"

Instead of the usual eye roll, all John gets is Rodney’s crumpled face. “That’s the thing! Flight theory, and all of that was before this whole wings business, before Queen Elizabeth deemed me finally ‘worthy’ enough of the one thing I wanted two decades too late simply because I’m the only person in this entire kingdom smart enough to save us all from utter ruin!”

Complete silence follows Rodney’s outburst, and while it’s Rodney who is red-faced and visibly panting, John feels like he’s the one struggling for breath.

He remembers that dreadful morning when everyone on Lantea grew sick, wings nothing but limp things hanging from their backs. No one could work, no one could get out of their homes, no one wanted to live.

No one but Rodney, who’s spent his whole life without wings and has survived that way up until two weeks ago, when his ingenuity uncovered the plot of the Asurans, the only other winged race of humans in all the land, and used that knowledge to save them all.

It wasn’t so bad, John recalls, not being able to fly. He loves to be in the air, to feel the cool, daybreak breeze against his feathers, but when your best friend has been making gliders since you were children, there’s very little distinction when it counts.

It isn’t the sickness but the quest to find out what happened that plagues John to this day. It’s the dangerous journey that John and Rodney, along with their other friends Teyla, and Ronon, had to go through to save the kingdom that he’s sure he’ll never forget.

It’s the image of Rodney, bloody and half-dead in John’s arms because he’d faced the Asurans on a battle to protect Lantea’s power source, that continues to haunt him.

“It wasn’t about worth.”

Rodney frowns, no longer mad but still pretty upset. “What?”

“Queen Elizabeth,” John whispers, hanging on to the echoes of the woman’s words to him when she found John by Rodney’s bedside as they recuperated. “People’s wings show up when they’re five years old, yeah, but that’s because they’re expected. Everyone knows flying is what we do. But you— Queen Elizabeth said yours probably didn’t because you wanted more than just flying. You wanted to reach beyond the skies, to conquer even the stars, that your wings became nothing but an afterthought.”

“If you have a point, I suggest you get to it, Sheppard.”

John sighs, a sharp and frustrated sound, as he runs a hand down his face. “I’m saying it’s not because you were suddenly worthy that your wings finally appeared after saving all of us.” 

He looks up and wills Rodney to meet his gaze. When Rodney does, John prays to all the Ancestors for the other man to finally see everything John has wanted him to understand for years now.

“They showed up because you stopped trying to run away,” he tells Rodney. “Your wings mean you’ve finally started to consider this place, and all the people here who care about you, as your home.”

[stargate365]

[SGA] 3.07: Common Ground

Run for your life!!!

Who’s shooting at us this time??

What the??

A grappler?

Oh fuck. Dammit Kolya, we should have killed you the first time.

Liz is anxious. No surprise. AR-1 looks pissed.

“What are you gonna do, like ask the Genii if one of them took Sheppard?” “Yes, I am.”

Hi Ladon. Wow, Ronon you being scary is not what Liz needs rn. Save it for later.

Yes John, you should have killed him.

Wow, doom and gloom prison buddy. Now we just need a harmonica to complete the cliché.

Oh joy. Kolya’s lackeys. Can we kill them too? Soon? I hope.

Rude person with a gun.

“Commander Kolya insists.” “Oh, he insists. Well, why didn’t you just say so?”

…Ladon has changed his hair.

Wow, that is an old school camera set.

Yeah, nobody looks happy to see him. No surprise.

Rodney is Not Happy about Sheppard being kidnapped.

Wow, Ladon needs to do some house cleaning. With Bleach. And maybe Ammonia mixed in. (Yes, I know what happens when you mix the two.)

Where the hell did Kolya get a Wraith? The metal glove is… an interesting idea.

Liz is going to burn you Kolya. She’s going to burn the heart out of you.

“You’re in pain.” “Well, I just got fed on by a Wraith. What do you think?”

And now John’s getting suspicious. This dude knows an awful lot about the Wraith…

Well crap… John’s not too happy about his cell-block mate.

Nnnn. Arguing is a waste of time…

We got a match?? Yas queen!!

*cough-splutters* Rodney acting like a Comando Squad Leader. Doing things by the numbers.

“What are you on about?” [sheepish:] “Oh, just things that Sheppard would say, so I thought I would, uh…”

(In the background Ronon looks baffled, and Teyla puzzled.)

Pfft. Good luck with that, you’d be shot before you even made it into the Gate room.

Rodney, really? What did you shoot.

Even Carson is there with a handgun, ready to defend his buddy.

“I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I just, uh… You know, I reacted.” “What is it?” “It’s a, um, mouse.”

“We just wasted two-and-a-half-hours… and a mouse.”

*sighs* Nothing is ever scheduled these days…

John is seriously badass for surviving this shit… I don’t think I could.

He looks so tired though.

John plotting with the Wraith for mutual escape. Teamwork is a good idea, yes!

The Enemy of my Enemy is my Friend… for now, anyway.

Don’t give up John!!

“Oh now he wants to escape.”

JAILBREAK!! Whoo!

Woops. The Genii are suddenly looking like a good snac.

That shifty look, like, please don’t eat me bc that would suck.

John peering around the corner, and turning back to having a gun in his face, like no don’t point that at me!

*snorts* What did you expect mate. You tortured two sentient beings, gave them a common enemy, and left them alone together to plot.

“Don’t be so negative!”

“You think you’re gonna make it?” “If I feed.” “Well, don’t look at me.”

John being grumpy af. Don’t blame him rn.

John is stubborn af too, refusing to leave his new buddy behind. And determined that his people will find them.

“You are more like Wraith that you know.” “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.” “There is much about Wraith, that you do not know Sheppard.”

I am curious about the wrath sociology now.

Oh wow, three moons.

“Oh, it was worth it. If only to see the sky again.” “I’ve got slightly higher expectations.”

*snorts* Liz isn’t letting Kolya stay alive.

?!?!?!

Oh yeah, like bullets will work against a Puddlejumper.

Isn’t it obvious? They’re disappearing bc they’re dying.

Oh wow, John looks… mostly dead.

Holy crap… John’s okay again. What just happened.

I did not know Wraith could do that.

“How is this possible.” “Don’t ask me.”

Erm… wat? Did the Wraith just call John his brother?

Goddammit. Kolya escaped again.

“You didn’t kill him?”

“Thanks for showing up.”

“Next time we meet…” “All bets are off.”

[sholiofic]

Another very belated reposting of this year’s Fandom Stocking snippets, this time some SGA h/c for @frith-in-thorns. :) Originally posted here.

"Well," Sheppard's voice said over the radio, "it could be worse, right?"

Rodney looked up sharply, glaring past Teyla at the wall of faintly luminous snow, as if Sheppard could feel the penetrating nature of his scowl through a few tons of mountainside. "Oh really, Pollyanna? How much worse can you get than buried alive in an avalanche and -- ow --"

"Rodney, please do not move until I am done." Teyla backed this up with a hand planted firmly on his shoulder, pressing him back against the side of the shallow cave in which they'd taken shelter.

Rodney did so, because a) his arm really did hurt a lot, and b) Teyla was fully capable of just holding him down by force (probably without breaking a sweat) while she finished binding his arm in the makeshift splint she'd concocted out of some sticks and a spare shirt from her pack.

There was a pained grunt from the other end of the radio, and Ronon's voice said, "I hit him for you."

"What is with you people and physical violence?" Rodney complained, without moving this time.

"What I meant was -- thanks for that, Chewie -- that you're both safe and sound --"

"Relatively," Rodney said loudly.

"-- safe and relatively sound, so all you have to do is stay warm while we dig you out. Zelenka's on the comm, helping me calibrate the jumper to melt through the snow."

"Oh, Zelenka's on the job. I feel closer to rescue already."

"I can hear you, Rodney," Zelenka said over the radio. "Fortunately, after years of working with you, I have come to find your insults motivational."

"Maybe you could consider not insulting people who are getting you out from under an avalanche, Rodney," Sheppard drawled.

"You heard him! My insults are motivating. I don't want to take away his motivation."

"Yeah, well, motivated or not, we ought to have you out soon," Sheppard said. "Sit tight." There was a click as he signed off the radio.

"Like we have a choice!" Rodney snapped, raising his voice. "Ow."

Teyla sat back on her heels. "How does it feel?"

"Broken," Rodney muttered, cradling his wrist in his opposite hand.

"I still think it is only a sprain --"

"It's not your wrist, though, is it?"

"No. But the wrapping still should help."

Rodney looked up at her and sighed. "Uh, look. You know I get ... cranky, when I'm hurt, right?"

Teyla smiled briefly. "I know, Rodney. You do not owe me an apology, but the attempt is appreciated." She pressed two pills and a canteen into his hands. "Painkillers."

Rodney's pack had been lost in the avalanche (all that irreplaceable equipment!) but at least they still had Teyla's. Thank God for Teyla. He knocked back the pills and gave her back the canteen, trying not to shiver too much (and failing).

"Are you cold?"

"We were just in an avalanche. Aren't you cold?"

Teyla gave him an assessing look. "Not at the moment, as such, but I will be soon. There is no room to move around in here. Hmmm ..." She dug into her pack again, and shook out her sleeping bag. "Lean forward," she told Rodney, and spread it around him, then --

"What are you doing?!"

"We have one sleeping bag and we need to conserve body heat until our teammates can rescue us."

"Uh, okay," Rodney said, leaning away from her as Teyla attempted to arrange the sleeping bag around them both.

"Rodney, stop squirming."

"I'm just saying -- hey, don't forget I have a broken arm -- erk."

Teyla firmly stopped his sideways drift, yanking him back with a fistful of his coat. She snaked a small hand out of the sleeping bag and began zipping it around them both, snugging them more tightly together like two sausages inside a moderately-too-small casing.

"I want you to know I'm trying not to, er -- press on anything that --"

"Rodney," Teyla sighed, sliding an arm around him under the sleeping bag. "Just relax and get warm."

She turned into him, and he cautiously leaned into her, and it was ... nice. And also warm.

"I bet Sheppard comes in here with a camera," he mumbled into her hair. "If he doesn't, Zelenka will."

"Yes," she said into his shoulder, "but consider, you are warmer, are you not?"

He was. Dammit. Even his wrist didn't hurt as badly, though that was probably the painkillers.

"Yeah," he said, and let a little more of his weight rest against her.

[mavi-blue]

Destiel and Mcshep

Part 2

Colonel and Rodney stared to each other for a while. That reminded Cas of Dean and their habit of staring each other. After Sam pointed it out several times it was hard to ignore they really did stare each other.

Rodney broke their staring and looked at Cas.

“I guess we called you with an ancient device. And it’s still working. Maybe that’s why you can’t leave? I mean looks like you’re some kind of ascended person and maybe the device was designed to keep ascended people inside.” Rodney looked a little guilty and unsure but he explained the reason and Cas started to like the guy.

Cas looked past them and to the place he appaered. There was a console and a device was standing on a table next to it. Cas started walking to it and stopped before he reached it. He realized something about the device now he paid attention to it. There was angel guarding marks around it. That meant Cas couldn’t touch it even if he wanted to fix it or turn it off.

He stomped in front of Rodney and looked into his eyes.

“Turn it off. I can’t touch it.” Rodney quickly glanced to Colonel next to him and nodded.

When he reached to the console he pushed some buttons and the console lost it lights. But Cas could still feel the device’s power.

Rodney took a tablet from the table next to the device and fumbled with it. When he looked back to them Cas understood what it meant immediately.

“I can’t turn it off. The device doesn’t take power from the city. It has it’s own power source and doesn’t shut down. And apparently it’s sending some sort of signal. If it is stopping you from leaving then you won’t be able to leave the planet. It’s strong enough to cover this solar system, too.”

“You were the one started this device, find a way. I have duties. I can’t stay here.” Cas was starting to get scared because he couldn’t get to Earth from here. If he could reach to another angel… An archangel…

“I can’t do it…” Cas narrowed his eyes to Rodney. “…yet. I don’t know how to do it yet, okay? I need some time. And I don’t know how long it will take. So you can’t shut us down in this lab. At least let the others go.” Cas saw what Rodney tried to do. He reminded him of the brothers. Trying to protect others.

“Rodney!” Colonel growled to the man. “I’m not leaving you with him.” He shot a glance to Cas and he looked determined not to leave.

Cas started to feel like he was the villain in here. And he wasn’t that angel with a stick up to his ass anymore. He could do better than this.

Cas let out a sigh and heard the mans behind the door. Looked like the teams came. He turned to colonel.

“Look, now we know you can’t kill me so I will let you all go and your friend will take care of the device. I will be around, you just have to call my name.” And before they answered Cas made himself invisible to them.

“Whoa! What the hell was that?!” Colonel looked across the room and decided Cas was really gone. He sprinted towards Rodney and tug him forward from his biceps. They went for the door and Cas let them. They needed some time to think what they did. And Cas needed to make a call in the mean time.

He teleported himself to one of the balconies near. And started to pray for Gabriel. Let him know where he was and why he couldn’t come back. Send help if he can.

Then he heard his name from the colonel and decided to go to the meeting room.

“It was Castiel, Rodney. You should seriously start working on remembering names. Cassidy? Really?” Colonel snorted at that. And Cas frowned.

“Hey, who is the genius here? I’m sure it was Cassidy.” Rodney was throwing up his arms from where he sat.

“I believe the colonel is right about my name, Doctor Mckay.” Cas made himself visible. Rodney and colonel flinched from where they sat but the other 3 were standing up immediately. One of them with long tangled hair pointed a gun to him. Other two woman were just shocked.

“I told you he was real! He’s an ancient!” Rodney pointed to him with both hands and shout to the room.

“I’m not an ancient. I’m an angel. The ancients are nothing compared to an angel.”

The woman with a red t-shirt stepped forward.

“An angel. You mean like in The Bible?” She asked with curious bright eyes. She looked like she wanted to shake the answers out of Cas.

“The Bible is mostly unaccurate on many subjects. But yes. I’m an angel that many religion has in their belief.” Cas saw the recognition on their faces. The belief of meeting an actual angel. And some confusion on Pegasus people led him to believe they didn’t heard of it before.

Well, Castiel was an angel of the Lord but he only watched over the Earth untill now. If God had a plan for other planets religions Castiel didn’t know.

“Uh…sorry for…shooting you?” Colonel asked with a new born respect and fear. He still looked relaxed but Cas could feel the tension on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, John Sheppard. The Righteous Man shoot me several times and stabbed my heart on our first meeting. He didn’t believe me then either.” Cas let out a small smile with the memory. And that seemed to make everyone relax a little. So Cas walked on to an empty chair next to Rodney and sat down.

“Ronon, please put your gun down. And everyone sit down.” Elizabeth said and followed his statement. Cas knew their name and they didn’t look like they were gonna introduce themselves so he started to refer them with their names.

He was confused in the first minutes of his arrival and just asked who they were. But he then remembered he didn’t have to do that. Staying with Whinchester’s for too long made his social skills more human apparently.

“John is fine by the way. And this is Elizabeth-” Cas cut John’s introduction. They were too many and it would take too long.

“No need. I know all of your names. Including the people of Pegasus Galaxy.”

Everyone glanced at each other with their eyebrows up. It was okay, they were still trying to progress he was an angel, Cas thought.

Turning to Rodney, Cas started.

“Doktor McKay-”

“Rodney, please.”

“Rodney. Were you able to find a way to stop the device. I need to go back to Earth as soon as possible. I was in the middle of an… important meeting.” He was talking with Dean and that was important enough for Cas.

“I would offer you to go through the stargate but it was destroyed on our last encounter with replicators. We are waiting for Deadaluos to arrive and pick up a gate on their way. It would be three more days until they arrive.” Elizabeth added.

“Then I guess I have to work on the device. I’ll look into the labs systems througly. They must have turned it on and off before. There must be something.” Rodney told to everyone in the room and avoided Cas’ eyes. Cas found it weird and planned to ask but decided it won’t be approprite to ask in front of everyone.

Yep, his social skills were advancing rapidly.

“I have to ask, why did you turned it on in the first place? Did you know what it did?” Cas asked with a little accusation on his tone.

Rodney squirmed in his chair and was getting red really fast. “Um…I didn’t? The information on database was only saying the research was about a powerfull weapon against wraith. I didn’t even know you would come. I thought the device didn’t work until you showed up.” He talked fast but Cas thought the man didn’t do it delibaretly.

“Okay, Rodney. Then I would take my leave. I’ll look around the city and you know how to call me.” Before he could disappear Rodney grabbed his arm.

“Wait, you can’t just leave! We have tons of things to ask you. And I have an important question!”

Cas raised a one elegant eyebrow to Rodney’s hand and the man pulled his hand back immediaetly.

“I know. But I shouldn’t be interfering with people. I only have a duty for one person and he is on Earth.”

Cas was preparing to leave and take a walk around the city when they all heard a scream outside the meeting room. The parallel doors started to open and there walked a man with a grin on his face. And two other man following him inside.

“Hello, baby brother! I heard you were on a trip to hunt aliens and I brought the team free will with me! You are welcome.” Gabriel told to Cas.

…

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6