#when people and animals are suffering in this extent and way EVERYONE should care

[disco-cola]

honestly i feel my „political“ awakening was literally me at 10 years old listening to the new p!nk cd my mom just got which had dear mr president on there and trying to translate the lyrics and being like woah stuff like that is actually happening? and what’s sad is that the song is still so accurate now

[creatingblackcharacters]

Hi Ice! Follow-up to your response, with a few more details (I tried to keep it short, but I can tell that might have made things unclear). I think you misunderstood my question - the thing is that I'm more than willing to go back and change him (I already know there are several scenes where he's depicted having and taking care of straight hair, for starters) but I am not sure I should. If I was to write this story with a Black MC, I would straight up have to Start Over.

First off, we're talking about Infinite the Jackal from Sonic forces, just to clear that up.

In canon, he's a pretty straightforward one-note villain. He's obsessed with an "only the strong survive"-mentality and does not exactly have a lot of depth, and at the end, SEGA has made it pretty clear that they're putting him in the shame-vault because people thought he was cringe. He's not dead-dead, because they might change their minds in 8 more years, but it's also not inaccurate to say they killed him. He helps start a war, kills a bunch of people, then get defeated by the heroes and then he's gone.

In my story, (well first of all he's alive and around obviously), I aim to add that depth. Where did he come from, how did he get here. I've made up a lot of stuff that is clearly not intended by canon. Basically the willing-a-whole-rounded-complex-person into existence that I've since learned that Black characters are often denied in fandom.

HOWEVER, and here's the parts where it's like, I've clearly written a white man in a white story and it would most likely be Extremely Distasteful to put a Black MC in this role:

His motivations for his past villainy is 'I suffered, so now everyone else should too'. This is framed as bad and something he needs to unlearn. When from the perspective of 'one guy made you and then didn't take responsibility, you never learned how to ask for help, and now you're taking that out on literally everyone around you', this makes sense. However, a Black man wanting to tear the whole world down and start over would have a whole different vibe and feel a lot more justified. Having him then be taken in by a (majority white-coded) cast and be taught that if he just stops being so mean, he won't have to struggle so much because people will gladly help him ... Kinda Yikes!

Secondly, part of the arc he's currently going through is realizing that now that he's lost his powers and this is widely known, most people don't hate him enough to attack him in the streets. I don't imagine that the anthropomorphic animal society has the same amount of structural racism as we do, but I would still be a white person writing a Black man entering society and finding that it hates him Less than he expected, rather than more. Which ... just seems tone-deaf.

I've built this entire character on the concept of unlearning toxic masculinity as I see it, though my own white lens. If he was Black, I would have written a different story. That's the part I mean about how I could change how he takes care of his hair, but not the structure of the entire narrative. This shit is unsalvagable. It will always be racist to an extent.

It would be so nice if it was as easy as just going back and changing him, which says a lot, because that would not be easy 😂

So FOLLOW-UP QUESTION I guess is: ...What if I can't do that? Is your main takeaway that I should stop publishing this story? I suppose that Is the conclusion that makes the most sense, seeing as I'm realizing I probably shouldn't have written it the way I did and I wouldn't have written it was I starting now. I'm ... not gonna start over, I can admit that. That's too much effort, it's already taken 7 years of my life 😂 I've got other projects I wanna work on. With intentionally written Black characters whose narratives work with that, for one.

I'll admit to my own tolerance-of-antiblackness here: I really care about this story. I would like to continue it. That was why I was wondering if there was a way to like, put a band-aid on it. I'm realizing the right thing would probably be to take it down? I'll admit that I'm not certain I will do that. But I will consider it strongly.

I should mention that I have other Black-coded characters in this story that I'm trying to be intentional about, among the hero cast, because I was made aware of their coding up-front. Is a whitewash that many would consider up to interpretation (though I do disagree) enough of a minus to delete a story that also aims to show the supporting Black cast in a positive light? It's a whole dilemma and that's why I wanted some actual Black people's opinions on it.

I realize this is a lot, you absolutely don't have to put in more effort in your response than "delete that shit" if that's how you feel haha, I'm not here to have my feelings coddled. Any other Black readers are obviously free to do the same in the comments.

Once again, I really appreciate all your work, and you, and Hot Chocolate. You deserve a million dollars for it honestly

All right, calling for other opinions!

I feel like it sounds like you already came to your own conclusions about things and just needed someone to vent to 😅.

No, I personally don't think the good side Black characters makes up for the overwhelming whitewash of the MC you now think is Black, no. If it were me, and you don't want to take it down, but you don't want to do the work to fix it, then just cancel the writing. Leave it up and be done with it. But that's just me, and you're looking for multiple opinions!

[sarnai4]

A Human In Dracula's Army

I loved the Castlevania Netflix show. LOVED it. The animation was beautiful, the story was riveting, and the characters were loveable. Still, one rose above the others to me and his name is Isaac. Immediately, I knew Isaac was going to be interesting when I saw that Dracula had humans on his side despite his crusade against mankind. I wanted to know what would jade someone so badly that they wanted a massacre on that scale. He didn't disappoint.

Isaac saw the worst humanity had to offer by being a slave in his childhood. We won't ever know the full extent to the horrors he faced, but we saw the physical and psychological abuse since the closest person he had in the role of a parental figure viewed him as property that should be broken for trying to be anything more. The first time he's shown kindness, it's not by another person. It's by a "monster." Dracula showed Isaac mercy and kindness by saving him from the Brigand magicians who were going to sell him off in pieces. This set in motion how Dracula is the only family Isaac truly had. When you think of who's loyal to the vampire, no one compares to Isaac. Even to the point of letting him rest so that he was not forced back into a cruel world to feel more pain. The saddest we ever see adult Isaac is when Dracula saves his life by pushing him through the mirror. He knows his only friend is going to die and feels helpless to stop it.

What I really enjoy about Isaac is that he's not just a minion who serves the villain blindly. He had his reasons and was someone Dracula genuinely respected. The vampire king brings him in on his true goal for the world, consults with him privately, etc. They had an actual friendship that I don't think Dracula even realized until he saw that a mortal would risk his life for him. A human who would not really benefit from his plan wanted to put it all on the line to protect him. Who's protected Dracula? We've never seen anyone but Isaac do that. His own son turned on him and the world views him as the same as the devil himself by now. But Isaac cares about him, got him to chuckle in their conversations, and doesn't even request that he be honest with him although Dracula is.

After everything with Dracula, I was worried Isaac wouldn't have anything to do as a character. He could become flat and one-note. A person who went from trying to kill all of mankind to trying to kill his former ally and then all of mankind isn't that interesting. Luckily, the writers knew this and didn't go down that path. Isaac goes through such a fascinating arc of learning to have agency. Carmilla said before that he had not really grown up from the child who was being beaten for trying to read. At the time, she was right. He let that pain and anger shape him. After he's on his own and has time to reflect on life, he becomes a man. He doesn't have to live in hatred. That's not to say that he becomes merciful towards everyone, but he's reasonable. Isaac doesn't enter places and kill randomly. He tries to leave peacefully, he agrees to work with the captain instead of killing him-he even takes down the Magician to free the people who were enslaved. The former slave is now giving liberation to others. Even though he can't save their lives, he can bring them peace through the afterlife and give them proper burials.

Around this time, it's clear how much Isaac has developed. He wants the place to be somewhere other people can live. He doesn't want to kill everyone. He wants to make the world better. Isaac changes his plans so that he's not trying to kill Hector anymore. He shows his former comrade mercy and the same kindness he's received from people along the way on his journey like the merchant and the captain. Even down to using lime in his water, they've impacted his life. Isaac has changed and Hector sees it too. He no longer sees death as a way to end his suffering. He no longer wants death at all. He wants to make the most of his time on Earth and he wants to live.

Rated T. Summary: After Isaac killed the Templar Knight, he was forced to learn about more cruelty in the world. How did this once kind youth harden and grow into someone who wants nothing more than for the human race to be wiped from the world? Despite hoping otherwise, Isaac realizes how alone he is and starts developing into the man he is during the first few seasons of Castlevania.

[hanyusan]

GIFT

My delayed emotions are catching up to me. At last, I feel overwhelmed. Lack of sleep might be amplifying a little bit. I tried to nap at intermission and sleep after. For adrenaline-related reasons, that did not happen. Worth it.

Yuzu is someone who prefers to express himself through art versus relying on speaking. When you see what he has to say, you don't filter through it like you would if he were to use words alone.

For precisely that reason, his skating feels distinct from that of his peers'. Even if you can't decipher the details, his skating is alive. It declares, it shouts, it smiles; sometimes it cries. At times, it overflows with satisfaction. At others, it brews with frustrated determination. In the final years of his competitive career, it shrouded itself in a solemn fighting spirit. GIFT defined itself through all these raw and honest emotions paired with simple yet poetic voiceovers and a dramatic array of visual effects, dance, and (of course) live music. Yuzu promised an ice "show." A fantastic show was exactly what he delivered.

Though Yuzu doesn't shy away from sharing his emotional state, he's also an incredibly private person. While his wisdom makes itself obvious based on what he chooses to tell the public and when (...and how), a lot more of it exists in what he keeps to himself.

Most of us know that he goes through hard times. It's impossible that he doesn't. Even if not because of the glare of the public eye, his toughness on himself must weigh down heavier at certain moments. Yet he successfully hides a large extent of it. When it was literally "amateur" hour, he would disappear for months at a time and then abruptly reappear at competitions, only to vanish again immediately after. Unless he deigned to mention it afterwards, no one knew what was happening in those weeks when he transformed into the elusive animal of nature documentaries.

As worrying as it was, I also like it to this day. I like that he circumvents the obligation to report his every move. I like that he only talks about things when he feels like it, and then with as few or many words or anime references as he desires. I like that he opened zero social media accounts until he needed them for work, because of course he would. Maybe it hits close to home. I often feel pressured to share my problems with people so they can make me "feel better," even if I'm not ready. That uninvited breach of boundaries usually prompts a horrible spiral of suffering. I like that he felt okay closing himself off.

Today, Yuzu filled GIFT with his entire heart, strife with all of the agony and internal turmoil that he's battled. And I like that he felt safe enough to be vulnerable and tell everyone that he's had a hard time. That he once felt deterred by the circumstances from continuing what he loved. That later, when his love wavered due to different circumstances, he tried to force himself to still find it enjoyable. There comes a point where, no matter how deep your love for something, one day you'll feel as if you're merely going through the motions. It's scary. You defined yourself by your passion for so long. How could it just go away? What are you if it goes away?

Part of me harbors the naive wish that he never had to endure such pain. It's paradoxical. To be tormented by such philosophical questions, you first have to be the type of person who would want to seek and create answers. And that type of person, someone who is pensive and caring, is always who deserves the inevitable pain the least. That's who Yuzu is—someone who won't take the easy way out.

Like life, skating challenges him in an unfair and persistent fashion. As this road continues to taunt him, I wish for him the tenacity to walk it and the inner peace to stray from it should he ever want to. I hope that when he's alone, he can remind himself not to feel lonely. And if he still does, I hope he can remember how many people love him and feel even a little bit better until he can get back on his feet. He is an undying phoenix, sinking into ashes with the promise of rising again. As many times as it takes.

Yuzu, you gathered so many talented people to your side tonight to put on an amazing production. I cannot fathom the amount of time, precision, and innovation it must have taken you and your entire team to complete it. I won't lie. Your seemingly insatiable hunger for bigger and better things can be frightening at times. Yet I adore the unbridled glee on your face when you succeed in grabbing what it is that you reach for.

ありがとうございました！

P.S. Take that, 4S. Little punk of a jump had it coming.

[readingandrelaxing]

Elena Gilbert: Heroine or Victim?

OPINIONS NO ONE CARES ABOUT: EPISODE 2

Elena Gilbert's character is argued about by many fans of the TVDU. What makes her interesting though, is the fact that she was supposed to be the leading protagonist in the series, an active character who takes decisions by herself and doesn't need anyone to stay alive. But we can see in the TVDU that Elena is primarily characterised by the notion of how much she can suffer and endure instead of how much she can act and accomplish.

Elena was supposed to be the leading heroine in the series, and yes, she is. But she is more like the victim than the saviour. It is difficult for a human to survive in a world surrounded by vampires, and that affects Elena as a whole because she couldn't take any major decisions without putting the people around her at risk. But the show slowly took away all of her decision-making capabilities and in turn her glamour in general.

There's no doubt that the show revolved around Elena, and it should, since she's the main character. But the way the show took place, Elena was portrayed as the one everyone rushes to save and her life is shown to be the most important priority of other people. On top of this, she has to do nothing much to earn this kind of love and protectiveness from the people around her.

All of the care and affection shown by many characters for Elena seems animated. She comes off as the naturally lovable, loving character who is of the most importance to the show and the narrative in general.

While characters like Bonnie and Caroline have to earn even the tiniest flicker of affection from other people, Elena gets it all served over a silver platter. Without her having to do anything extraordinary to earn that, which is not the case with Caroline or Bonnie.

Elena, as a person, isn't bad. In fact, she's a great girl, who wants no one to get harmed. In the course of showing this nature of hers, she is written to be a perfect character. Her flaws are not noticeable throughout the show when she was a human. When she became a vampire, some of her emotions were expressed. But, she transitions from being a life-savour to a 'perfect goody two shoes' who can possibly do nothing wrong and always what the right thing is and what she's supposed to say and how she's supposed to behave.

Another problem with Elena is her dynamic with the Salvatore brothers. I mean, she is indirectly compared to Katherine too many times throughout the show, which is obvious since both the ladies are doppelgangers, but what makes this uncomfortable is the fact that primarily, the Salvatore brothers are attracted to her because she literally looks like their ex.

Yes, her character is different. But in the last episode of season 1 of The Vampire Diaries, the famous dialogue between the Salvatore brothers, I don't remember who said it, I think it was Damon.

"Elena is not Katherine."

And then they see her dressed up in vintage attire and both look at her in a certain way, as if they're reminiscing about Katherine.

It's weird to know that a certain person is attracted to you because you look like their ex.

Another interesting dynamic related to the Salvatore brothers is that if we observe their relationship with Katherine, we can see that at that time it was always Katherine who was in command, who was in control, she had both of them wrapped around her finger.

I wouldn't disagree with the fact that that was also toxic to a certain extent, since even when she loved both of them, she also used them. That is not okay, not at all.

But their dynamic with Elena is something that sticks poorly with many viewers since Elena can't even make decisions of her own without being poked and interrogated by Stefan and Damon. Still, with Stefan, Elena had some autonomy, but with Damon, he tried to control many things he shouldn't have. Yes, he loved her, but love is no excuse for taking away her basic choices in life.

I'd like to highlight this one scene from the second season when Damon feeds her his blood forcefully so that god forbid if she died, she would come back as a vampire. He did that without asking her if she wanted to come back a vampire, just did that because her living was more important to him than her loving herself.

It doesn't matter how much you love a person, you do not have any right to take away their fundamental life choices. Yes, you can advise, suggest, and plead, but forcing someone is not acceptable.

And yet Elena kisses him in the last episode-?

Elena has suffered a lot, gotta say that. She lost her parents, her aunt, her biological parents, her brother and eventually her own life. Anyone watching the show can directly see that Elena is the centrepiece for every single thing ever, and because of that she is heavily involved in every plotline, but instead of her taking charge or even being like a side character, the show focuses on how constantly she is victimised, how much she suffers, and that it portrayed as a display of strength.

Resilience is also a strength, but how is it that the main character is blackmailed and left vulnerable and helpless every time a new villain shows up?

This is not even remotely inspirational, and it also makes the plotline predictable. Whenever anything happens, the viewers can already predict that Elena is going to suffer, and it also makes everything repetitive.

In conclusion, the show revolves around Elena, but her own character is so incredibly passive that she's easily replaceable.

[beloved-blue]

For the dreblr ask game 5, 20, 23, 24?

Hellooo thank you for the ask <3

5. What do you think is the most character-defining c!Dream scene?

I'm going to be more general than a single scene, mostly because my analyst days are long behind me. I'd say c!Dream throughout the daedalus arc.

A little late in the timeline and there are probably way better and obvious choices (maybe the revival book montage) but I'll stick with this one.

I think these scenes are the closest we ever were to a c!Dream pov. My mental recollection of these scenes sometimes has Dream looking at Sam in Minecraft instead of the other way around. They are very private moments between c!Dream and c!Sam without the extreme power imbalance that other scenes with them had.

We got the reveal that c!Dream wanted to sleep in the prison cell even after he escaped. We got c!Dream free but freshly out of hell, hiding things from c!Sam, keeping The Plan and c!Punz safe but letting some things slip, revealing some things because it felt good to make c!Sam see how wrong he was about him.

We saw c!Dream kill c!Sam but ultimately, let him go. We saw c!Dream let c!Sam leave.

20. What are some of your favourite pieces of c!Dream analysis?

Oh my, so many. From the OG analyses from @ruby-whistler, to the amazing meta from @simplepotatofarmer. And of course, some of the awesome posts from the loreheads™.

But I'll link two posts that I think never really got the love/discussion about them/their content that they deserved:

c!punz's motivators by @merrinpippy

how c!dream lies by @rutadales

23. To what extent are you a c!Dream apologist?

If we are talking Seriously™, all the things he did to c!Tommy and others are unforgivable, and the stunt he pulled with the boomers is straight out of a horror movie. Any good intentions he has will always be stained black by his completely fucked up morality.

If we're not talking Seriously™, then he suffered a thousand times more than Jesus. He quite literally never did anything without a logical or justifiable reason, and all the crimes he's accused of are greatly exaggerated for the purpose of dehumanizing him and using him as a scapegoat for everything wrong with the server and all its other members.

I think he should be loved like he deserves by like half of the server At Least, starting with c!Sam in this essay I will-

No because I'm serious, c!Sam is just a mentally ill puppycat (he has ocd) who placed his loyalty on the server when he shouldn't have, and just has to learn he can let himself love c!Dream like he's fighting tooth and nail not to!!!

As you can see canon and arguing about morality doesn't serve me At All and I couldn't care less if my meow meow tortures people and is Extremely Weird About, first of all why do you think they're my meow meow in the first place, second of all it's literally all in Minecraft my meow meows aren't hurting anyone irl Calm Down Everyone Let Me Have My Fun!

24. When/how did you become a c!Dream apologist?

Early 2021. The first big dream smp stream I watched was Doomsday from Techno's pov so I was not that invested in clingy duo's fate during the disk finale, I just wanted to Take It All In and enjoy the spectacle aka Dream's performance. Then, the very first prison visit got me Interested, and the subsequent c!Ranboo lore streams got me Hooked. I was big into endersmile then, but I slowly transitioned to being more focused on the prison arc as a whole as well as the prison trio.

This animation was definitely a turning point to my interest in the character. Made my brain invested in c!Dream's mental state and well-being, which means I would never again be a c!Dream casual and would from that point on be a c!Dream apologist <3

[ruby-whistler]

Why c!Dream should (and probably will be) redeemed

Hi! I’m bad with intros. You’ve read the title, so, let’s start with the definitions.

In this essay, we are considering the popularized definition of “redemption” instead of the classical one, which is, as per the Oxford Dictionary, “the act of saving or state of being saved from the power of evil; the act of redeeming.” That’s not however the way the word is used in fandom and media.

/dsmp /rp

The definition of redemption I’ll be working with in this essay is not forgiveness by the people who c!Dream has hurt, nor is it removing himself entirely from his past actions, but moreso the decision to change for the better and abandon destructive mindsets for himself and others.

A “redemption” in a narrative sense would be circumstances and a character arc that would allow that kind of healing and betterment.

I’d like to start this off by the fact that being “irredeemable”, in this sense, also doesn’t exist; redemption is a thing of conditions and choice, not of being allowed by someone else. You can’t gatekeep healing from people who seek it, just to be clear, and that even goes for people who have done terrible things.

Since I understand there is a lot of concern for c!Dream’s past actions, here is a post from people who are much more fit than me to speak on the matter, about the way in which they see a possible c!Dream redemption arc.

Another disclaimer, I am not going to be considering c!Dream only from the perspective of c!Tommy in this essay. c!Dream appears in other people’s perspectives and he himself has his own, unseen perspective. As a character, he is an individual person in his own right rather than just the antagonist of c!Tommy’s story, and so I do not have much concern for their narratives intertwining too much should this writing choice occur.

I’d also like to note that redemption is, in this sense, always a positive thing for everyone involved - someone who’s been prone to doing bad things in the past deciding not to do them anymore and try to change, or just simply heal enough to consider it, isn’t going to have a long-term negative effect in any of the characters, but rather the other way around. Healing is an unlimited resource, and the victims do not have to heal first for the person who hurt them to consider being better.

Here’s a well-written thread on Twitter that elaborates a bit to finish off this point, and let’s move on to actually talking about redemption in the context of the Dream SMP, and c!Dream specifically.

Why a c!Dream redemption arc is not only a good writing choice, but in this case the only good writing choice;

c!Dream, as we all know, has been subject to mental and physical abuse to the point of straight up torture by both c!Sam and c!Quackity (to different extents). He has been in indescribable amounts of suffering for the past 74 days at the time this essay will be published. That is six and something times the duration of the entire exile arc in canon.

Whatever the interpretation of his words in prison is, what is undeniable is first of all the fact his mental stability is absolutely crushed at this point, second that no human being could possibly ever deserve to undergo this, and third, his stay in the prison is showing off his humanity and making him out to be sympathetic.

Now, consider this; how would it feel if c!Tommy died at the end of the exile arc? Empty, there would be no catharsis to such an end, especially because of all of the hurt he’d gone through. Objectively, a bad writing choice.

Let’s compare, narratively of course, this situation to the prison arc. Even though I would never say one of them is “better” or “worse” than the other, since both are terrible and undeserved, c!Dream’s current state checks off all of the boxes that would make his death unsatisfying in the storyline; even if people want him gone, there would still be the dissatisfaction at the current build-up and why they even did it in the first place (it really wasn’t necessary to anyone else’s story to make him out as a victim, and yet they did) if they were planning to kill him off anyways. And since the prison arc is naturally meant to induce sympathy, even from an angst perspective it would simply not make sense within the themes and writing of the plot.

So, c!Dream can’t die, and he also can’t stay in the prison forever - the build-up must lead to something, which is logically a breakout. Great… what now?

Well, the Dream SMP prides itself in accurate representation of trauma and mental instability, specifically cc!Tommy and cc!Dream who have pulled it off incredibly during the exile arc.

Now, undoubtedly, after the prison, c!Dream is going to be just terribly traumatized- considering the writers’ past creative decisions, would it make sense for him to play the role of a dangerous, heartless villain in other people’s stories, while completely ignoring the logical fallout of what he’s been through?

In my mind, no. The most possible result is that cc!Dream is going to rightfully portray someone who’s been hurt so much he is broken, scared and tortured into submissions over months of agony and slowly stripping away of his agency, his dignity, his humanity. And that is… not going to be pretty, nor is he going to be in any way the same as before.

After everything, I’d be surprised if he can properly look at shears without shaking. That’s not villain behaviour, that’s the behaviour of someone who needs help.

Which leads me to another point, which is relatability. Believe me or not, there are people out there who heavily relate to c!Dream because they have been through things that allow them to see themselves in the character - abandonment, mental illness, etc. - or who have had destructive mindsets they have struggled to let go of in the past.

To them, as well as to the viewer, redeeming c!Dream could actually be a very good example, showcasing that anyone who has done bad things or has been hurt in the past can learn that it is possible to be better, to move on, to not be stuck in a loop but to actively seek help and then use that support to find the path to healing.

Making c!Dream a better person, who in a way, wins over his past, over his trauma, over the hurt he’s caused, and manages to actually get better… is inspiring, in a sense. It shows that you can abandon unhealthy mindsets, you can find a support group of people who care about you, you can make your life better simply by deciding to be better and then sticking to that, no matter how difficult the process.

This is why I believe that redeeming c!Dream would not be bad writing, but quite the opposite, and that the prison arc is an obvious set-up. Alright, but how does that work with the character? How could someone so widely hated mentally improve in such a seemingly violent and terrible environment? Would it even make sense within the context of c!Dream’s character so far? Well,

Why c!Dream has the capacity for healing and the Dream SMP the ability to provide it;

First of all, let’s remind ourselves that through c!Dream’s entire spiral he wasn’t ever directly given a chance to change. He was regarded as someone to defeat in order to accomplish a happy ending, or as someone who needed to be removed in order to achieve power on the SMP. Ever since the 16th, which is when the corruption of the character is the most obvious, there have been no attempts to reach out or to help him. I do not blame the characters for this - I am simply pointing out that since it has never happened before, we do not know how he would respond, and that, after everything he’s been through, any bit of kindness or compassion towards him will be a new concept he will have to learn to deal with somehow.

This point is especially driven home by the fact that both c!Quackity and c!Sam would often tell him he is a monster who deserves nothing but to suffer, and that what he’s going through is never going to amount to all the hurt he’s caused - basically removing any possibility for ever getting better (because by this logic, he doesn’t deserve support, and he doesn’t deserve to get better) from his line of sight.

He also hasn’t had a support system since shortly after the 16th, when his friends left him over c!George’s dethronement and made no effort to mend their relationship afterwards. c!Dream isn’t used to having allies and people on his side, but to being hated; again, wouldn’t that mean positive reinforcement could very well be all he needs to make the choice?

His bad mindsets - attachments are weakness, ends always justify the means, people will consider you a bad person no matter what you do - have been continuously proven right by his environment, even in prison. Any kind of subversion, plus an explanation as to why they are wrong, could be of great help to c!Dream.

Just another disclaimer; I do not believe c!Dream would change thanks to the treatment in prison, but rather despite it. His mental stability is non-existent at that point, and in order to get better he needs genuine emotional support from the people around him as well as to heal before he can redeem himself.

Alright, but… c!Dream has hurt a lot of people. Who would be fit to help him?

Let’s start off with the worst option and why it’s impossible the writers would even attempt this; c!Tommy.

c!Tommy has no responsibility to help or ever forgive c!Dream - not to say he could. The two, as it is, would drag each other down instead of helping in any capacity, and only make matters worse. The two of them shouldn’t even interact in the best case scenario - the best thing for both of them would be if they got enough healing and support individually that they could live around each other and not get their trauma or toxic habits triggered when interacting for whatever purpose of the plot.

So, if not c!Tommy (and c!Tubbo neither by extension), who could redeem c!Dream?

Well, he can’t do it on his own for sure. Being in nature with animals is nice, but further isolation from other people would merely help with the prison trauma, not with the state of his tendencies when interacting with others. He, once again, needs positive reinforcement from other people for him to heal properly.

There are two main options for this in my mind, and then there’s a few individuals he could also find comfort in, including people from both groups or those unaligned.

1) Kinoko Kingdom

From the people of this new country, c!Dream has never negatively interacted with c!Karl before, he has never hurt c!George and he hasn’t directly harmed c!Sapnap. Although the relationship with his old friend group could be difficult to rekindle, none of them have grudges against him that are too personal, and they have been canonically close friends since the beginning of the SMP, so it would be very much possible to rebuild burnt bridges. They’d be familiar, and with the addition of c!Karl they could be a good source of comfort for c!Dream after he either breaks out or is released from prison - just gotta convince c!Sapnap not to kill him first.

2) The Syndicate

From the Syndicate, c!Dream has never directly interacted with c!Nikki, and from what I know of her character she never seemed to be very affected by his actions - even doing his work for him when he was planning to burn down the L’Mantree. c!Techno is an ally who doesn’t have anything against him, and as for c!Ranboo, here is why I believe c!Dream being in the Syndicate could be positively influential on his character arc as well;

c!Ranboo and c!Philza have had a conversation about change, during which c!Ranboo made it clear he thinks everyone can change except for c!Dream; who, in his mind, is “too deep down the rabbit hole”. c!Philza replied that he thinks anyone can change if given enough time.

… you see what I’m getting at?

c!Dream has been implied to be an ally to c!Ranboo’s enderwalk state (or the state when he has access to his full memory), and hence would most likely not behave negatively towards him at all. While it might make it more difficult for c!Ranboo to deal with his own issues, it might also give him more motivation to get to the bottom of it as well, especially since he now has access to the person who, presumably, started this all. While this is going on, c!Dream would show himself in a much different light than c!Ranboo sees himin, which could lead to confusion, realization of the flaws in his own logic, and hence, positive character development.

Here’s a great post about why c!Techno as a character could be a great asset in c!Dream’s healing process & redemption, and why there is not much need to worry about him not knowing or finding out about c!Dream’s actions.

Of Kinoko Kingdom and the Syndicate, as far as I know, neither c!Tommy nor c!Tubbo have ever been directly involved with these groups, nor are they planning to.

Another important point to make is that, while c!Tommy needs to be kept away from c!Dream in order to heal properly, the same goes for c!Quackity and c!Sam in c!Dream’s case. While c!Quackity has high chances to interact with either Kinoko Kingdom or the Syndicate in the future, there’s an even higher chance, in that situation, that c!Dream would be offered protection, which is also important; there is no healing from trauma without the knowledge of safety, to some degree.

So, this was an essay as to why I think c!Dream’s recovery and redemption (one needs to come before the other, naturally) is not only extremely possible but also could be pulled off well and have a positive impact on both the characters, and the audience.

[rainy-day-coffee]

hi... how about head cannons about the dorm leaders with a magical girl mc from either the puella magi magica madoka, magical girl site, magical girl raising project or princess tutu universe please?

I'll be doing Magical Girl Raising Project for this one! I’ll be using the abilities found in the anime since I’m not creative enough to think of any myself. The personalities of the characters themselves have nothing to do with the abilities I chose, they’re their own person! This is written as platonic! I hope this is alright!

As an extra note, this was a really interesting topic to write about. I enjoyed it! I actually just binge watched this anime for this request! It was quite good, I might pick up the light novels!

Warning: Mild mentions of gore; spoilers for Magical Girl Raising Project(?)

Dorm leaders reacting to a Magical Girl Mc

A new game has been released! Customize your own Magical Girl and work hard to defeat monsters!

Granted a 1-in-10,000 chance to be a real-life Magical Girl, the unfortunate souls who agree to the contract are unknowingly pulled into a world of bloodshed. All Magical Girls are expected to collect Magical candies through acts of helpfulness. Whomever is at the bottom of the ranking list by the end of the week is greeted by death. That is, if they can even make it that far.

Magic: Swimming through objects as if they were water - the objects do not affect the user as they pass through them.

He’s never heard of an ability quite like yours! It isn’t teleportation--it’s literally going through objects, ignoring any kind of barrier. It sounds impossible. Understandably, he doesn’t believe you until you show him.

Please refrain from popping out of random places in an attempt to scare him. He doesn’t want to be on edge everyday, the stress he has now is more than enough.

He’s curious about the whole situation. Just how and why did these “people” wrap you (and others) into such a terrible contract? How is it possible to grant these special abilities onto otherwise magicless people? Unfortunately, you most likely don’t have answers for those questions.

Sadly, Riddle doesn’t know of a way to help you out of this. The library may have some information, but the chances are slim nonetheless. He can offer assistance in candy collecting instead!

Something always seems to be going on at his dorm, it would help him greatly if you were to keep an eye on everything and everyone. He knows it isn’t much, but every little bit counts. You have his full support.

Magic: Entering the dreams of others - the ability to pass through the Dream World, granting access to the dreams of those who are currently sleeping.

He’s extremely annoyed. He doesn’t understand what’s happening. He’s only seen you a couple times before, so why do you seem to plague all of his dreams?

In his dreams, you move so vividly and in-character, it baffles him. Dream versions of people can be accurate, but never to such an extent each time. He’ll confront you about it soon enough. He has no evidence of what you’re doing, however vivid memories of dream-you push him to demand answers anyways.

Highly uncomfortable to know his dreams, his usual safe place, can be invaded by a person. He demands that you stop. You can go bother someone else, he doesn’t need that kind of help. If he sees you in there one more time, he may have to resort to other methods to get you to stop.

In regards to earning candies, unless you ask him specifically for help, there isn’t much he can do. You can always help Ruggie out with chores around Savanaclaw and you’ll be set. It’s a good deal for both sides, you can earn some candies and Leona can finally sleep comfortably again.

He finds the system you’re stuck in deplorable. Unfortunately, he can’t get you out of it, but if you ever need extra help he can always have Ruggie find one or two ways to get you those extra candies you need.

Magic: Hearing the thoughts of those in need - with enough training, the user can pinpoint the location of a person. Additionally, they can hear thoughts apart from cries for help.

Your special magic interests him greatly. He already has a good pool of information of all the students, but being able to hear their most inner thoughts is something truly amazing. No amount of research could easily give him those kinds of details.

He has the twins watch over you for a bit, gathering as much information as they can about your situation and what you go about doing.

Given the circumstances, he doubts he can rob this ability of yours through a contract. This does however present an amazing opportunity.

This could blossom into a wonderful partnership. You need to collect candies, and he’s always willing to accept requests from those “poor” souls who need help. By helping him, you can meet your quota! The rules never did mention what kind of help you were limited to offer after all.

He pities you, nothing can be done about your situation at the moment. You can rest assured though, you’ll never be at the bottom of the leaderboard with him around!

When time allows it, Floyd and Jade will be busy poking their noses where they don’t belong. The mascot that appears when you’re around seems to come from that phone you use. If they can see it, then that means these beings have made a mistake somehow. Is it possible to find a way to free you from this through that?

Magic: Transforming into any biologically living being - the size and shape of the creature do not matter, anything is fair game.

When he first discovers your special magic, he’ll be amazed! Transformation magic isn’t exactly easy, so being able to turn into whatever creature you want sounds like a lot of fun!

He’ll be begging you to turn into a wide variety of animals. Can you please turn into a tiger? How about an elephant? Maybe an alpaca? This could go on for hours if you don’t stop him.

Upon learning the darker side of the Magical Girl world, he starts to cry. He knows the world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but this is too cruel. You didn’t know you would suffer this way. They should have at least given you all the information beforehand. Better yet, they shouldn’t be doing something so awful in the first place.

Because he finds it hard to keep secrets from Jamil, he ends up telling him about you. He then needs to convince Jamil that you aren’t trying to get him killed.

He goes around asking if people need help. He wants to do everything he can to ensure you survive. Money can’t get you out of this game, he’s tried to use it but that mascot that follows you around always refuses it.

Kalim doesn’t want you to die. Just thinking about it makes his head spin and worry bubble. It wouldn’t be his fault if you died in the first place, but the guilt would consume him entirely.

Magic: Freely manipulating sound - the user can generate sound from anywhere and even recreate the voices of others. As an added result of this ability, the user has enhanced hearing.

Vil won’t forgive you if you decide to mimic Epel’s voice so he can escape. He may be evading his lessons for now, but Vil will find a way to drill them into him later on.

He never would have thought such a thing was possible. This terrible fate you’ve had forced onto you makes no sense. The beautiful power you’ve been given is nothing compared to the price. He doesn’t blame you, he blames whatever is doing this. 

If such a game exists in the world of Twisted Wonderland, he’ll use his influence to dissuade people from playing. Vil will do this behind the scenes of course, his public image has to remain intact.

He actively requests your assistance. For example, helping his dorm improve their instrument playing--your impressive hearing can detect small mistakes they need to work on. Apart from this, he regrettably can’t offer more help.

Hone your abilities and work with what you have. He knows you can prevail. Please take care of yourself as you move forward.

Magic: Receiving one futuristic tool a day - the ability to randomly pick one useful tool out of 444,444,444. The tool breaks down and is no longer of use after a day passes.

He’s in awe. A real life Magical Girl! To think they could really exist outside of anime! Just what kind of world did you come from? Forget living in a world where magic is common, Magical Girls are on a different level entirely! Curiosity gnaws at him, but given how shy he is he won’t approach you with questions himself. Ortho is more than happy to ask any questions for him in his place though!

Once he finds out you’re one of those Magical Girls, he feels a tad sympathetic. You really got the short end of the stick in life didn’t you? He knew the possibility was there, that trope is not uncommon, but a small piece of him wished it wasn’t the case.

He supposes your special magic can be compared to gacha luck. You never really know what you’re going to get. Unfortunately, in your case you can’t even calculate rates for good rolls.

If you’re willing to let him, he’ll happily take apart the tools and gadgets you get from your daily pull. One of those future items should help him create even better machines than he can now! And even they can’t, disassembling and reassembling objects he’s never seen is a thrill in and of itself

If you happen to hear a small tip from Ortho or someone else about an issue occurring around campus, it may or may not have been Idia. He has eyes all around the school, spotting problems is quite easy.

He’ll be rooting for you from the sidelines. You’re a protagonist in this story, he hopes you can make it through to the end.

Magic: Extreme regeneration - being able to recover from any wound so long as a portion of the user’s body is left.

Mortified when he finds your body all mangled and bruised after a rough “accident.” Malleus is ready to destroy whoever or whatever did this to you. He cares about you greatly, the very thought of seeing you in such a state makes his stomach churn and pure rage wash over him.

Once you explain your situation, he can grasp enough to understand the major gist of it. He doesn’t quite know what a “Magical Girl” is but obviously it isn’t something good. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be in such a terrible situation.

To know that you can take care of yourself in the face of danger, makes him relieved. Although he doesn’t like the idea of you getting hurt at all, a healing ability is always wonderful to possess.

While you earn candies, Malleus will be working on a way to free you.

Even if these beings who granted you this ability are “all-powerful,” his magical capabilities are among the top in all the world. Perhaps, he can start by politely asking for answers from the leader of this group. If that seems to fail, killing off that mascot seems like a good place to start instead.

[regrettablewritings]

Hi!😁 I'll give you another ship with my dear Lucifer morningstar from Lucifer cuz as it turns out I'm a hoe for a lot of characters but what can ya do? Thank you!

Aw hell yii, somebody's talkin' my lingo! 😎

Who the fuck put the Peeps in the microwave?: Lucifer. And no, it's not because he actually likes them or is curious about what would happen; he's seen plenty of Youtube videos enough to know exactly what happens. No . . . It's far more malicious . . . Generally speaking, you don't like the constant comparison of cats to the devil. But after getting to actually meet The Devil, you think that those believers might be on to something. Lucifer's whorey ways bleeds into his need for attention like red bleeds into white in the wash, and he's completely shameless about it. For example, if he feels like you may be focusing too much on work or, gasp, other people besides him, you run the risk of encountering a very . . . mischievous Luci. Not that he's not already a prankster, but he somehow becomes a bit more childish. Catlike in some respects. He puts your mugs up higher than what you can normally reach without having to climb on the countertop. He joins you at your kitchen table while you're reading over files for work and puts on his most angelic face, insisting he just wants to keep you company and will be as quiet as vermin in Dear Old Dad's house . . . then proceed to obnoxiously click a pen while pretending to solve a word problem, or eat cheese puffs obnoxiously loud. And then . . . the Peeps: The absolute prettyboy bastard used your microwave as a casualty of war, plopping the unplated, mutant-colored marshmallows directly on the glass and letting them go. To be fair, it technically didn't ruin anything. But at least he had your attention now -- because after fussing at him for making a mess, you were currently supervising him scrubbing not only the effected areas of the glass dish, but the rest of the microwave as well. Unfortunately, you can't say a lesson was really learned because now Luci knows that if he wants to get a rise out of you, what he needs is a bunch of candies from the bargain bin.

Who forgot to put the cat out before sex?: It's not that either of you forgot the cat was there -- it was that Lucifer wanted the bloody animal to give the both of you some privacy. And because Lucifer forgot the cat was there. He was simply too busy embracing you in a liplock and laying you down on the couch to notice the glaring eyes of the cat you had rescued from the shelter. Thankfully, you two didn't get very far before the lovingly-named Lucipurr released a meow, indicating that he had become flesh and bone in the few hours it had been since you'd last fed him. Suffice to say, after a startled Lucifer flung himself off of you and onto the floor, nearly breaking his ass on the coffee table (and the laughing fit that had induced on your end), the mood was killed. For the next fifteen minutes, that is. The next time he tried anything, Lucifer made sure that his efforts would be continued in the bedroom (but not before he did a complete check of every nook and cranny in there to make sure the furry bastard wasn't trying anything).

Who posts Vines/TikToks of the other doing embarrassing shit?: Lucifer absolutely lacks boundaries. The moment he discovered smartphones, social media, and all their potential, he was all in and recording as many videos of friends and coworkers as he could in as many awkward or unideal situations as they came. You felt bad for Dan being his constant target, but you were somewhat sure that Dan felt bad for you in a way: After all, you were dating the freaking guy and yet Lucifer had few qualms about posting a video of you, drunkenly singing karaoke in what was supposed to be a private room? Harsh.

Who breaks the most phones?: Lucifer does. He's not necessarily careless, but his part-time occupation does lead him to circumstances that tend to put his phone in danger. You, Chloe, Dan, literally everyone has told him to just leave his phone in the car if he's going to get it broken that often while on the job, but the dumbass never learns. Not that he really seems to care all that much: With his wealth, he can always buy a new one. Though, the only times he gets frustrated is when photos or videos don't quite make it to the transfer and things get lost along the way. Funny photos, suggestive videos, photos and videos of you . . . Photos and videos of you being funny or suggestive . . . Downright pornographic videos he had recorded of you -- Though don't worry: He's sure you'll be more than happy to help recreate the latter. He'd gladly help you . . .

Who dies first?: It should go without saying. It really should. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. Lucifer was always one to get caught up in his indulgences, after all: Somewhere along the way, he must've gotten too swept up in the thrill, the feeling of adoration. He tells himself this but it's really just denial. Closer to the truth is that it all really was just denial: He denied the idea that you would ever leave him, that you would ever die. Luci was never good with his own thoughts and feelings, but the way you made him feel was nearly enough to convince him that, in some way, you would just plain live forever. But of course, this was not the case: It didn't matter that you were fantastical enough to love and be loved by the Devil; you were still very much a human. Very much mortal. So susceptible to things like time and illness and injury. Lucifer was the King of Indulgences. It was extremely rare for him to experience regret. But when your time inevitably ran out, remorse filled him like smoke filled his lungs with every cigarette he ran through from the moment your funeral arrangements were decided. He could never regret knowing you, as much as part of him thought doing so would spare him this pain. He tried to think of how much better he might've been had he never met you, and it always felt like he was stuck in his own personal Hell Loop with everything going wrong over and over no matter how hard he tried to change it. He regretted that for as much time as he lived up with you, he felt like he didn't use nearly enough of that time to just . . . enjoy you. You in your mortality, your fleeting beauty and love that would nonetheless haunt him for however long he might go on for. So maybe . . . for eternity? This didn't feel like his own personal Hell Loop: This was his own personal Hell Loop. And until he learned to forgive himself, it would never end. So he'd be stuck here for maybe . . . eternity.

Which one I could see as being lactose intolerant: Neither. Unless they get brought down to mortal enough, Celestials generally don't suffer ailments, let alone from things like food allergies.

Who thinks they can do something really well even though they can't?: Lucifer . . . It's not that he's not smart. But by Dad, he is lacking in so much self-awareness that it can be maddening. He thinks he's pretty good at following Dr. Linda's advice (and, to an extent, he's progressing). But the fact of the matter is, he's incredibly troubling at best. Not nearly as bad as some patients, mind you, but when Linda admitted to you that one or two sessions of Lucifer completely misinterpreting her advice nearly drove her to consider adding a secret bar into her desk, you believed her and didn't blame her for one bit.

Who is more likely to get kicked out of bed?: Lucifer is a changed devil. But it's a very slow change. You're more than happy to understand and accept this, but that doesn't mean you have to let him and his issues walk all over you. Sometimes, the big dummy just says or does things without thinking -- or because he thought too hard and thought this was the best decision to avoid further strife. And you try to be patient with him about these tendencies, you really do. But that doesn’t erase your ability to be upset by these habits, or your right to be. And no amount of him buttering you up is going to be acceptable, even when he comes by your place, armed with a dish he so thoughtfully prepared for you. Nope, he can literally go to Hell with that (really, you’re sure the demons there would appreciate a nice beef wellington); you just need some space. Ironically, this may create a cycle wherein his need to make you happy again and have your attention on him drives him to constantly hover around you and attempt to win you over, which in turn just further frustrates you. It’ll likely keep going until you either snap or a loved one pulls Luci to the side and gives him a heads up that maybe he should respect your boundaries. After all, intention isn’t the problem here: It’s the actions taken. And as much as it hurts him knowing that he accidentally hurt you, he has to respect your need for time to cool off. He forces himself to go back to his place and tries to think less about how he feels and more about how you might feel, and try to work out ways to avoid similar incidents in the future. And even though the conclusions he comes to may not be perfect, you at least respect the effort -- particularly when he next sees you, no longer armed with snacks from your favorite bakery or bouquet-carrying teddy bears. Instead, all he has is an apology. It’s sheepish, and it feels foreign to someone who rarely experiences shame or regret, but you know his whole heart is in it even if he himself doesn’t understand entirely why that is. Which is good because that’s just part one of the process; part two involves him warming up that spot in your bed that’s reserved for him!

Who uses the computer the most?: You, absolutely. Lucifer's adorably but altogether completely crap when it comes to technology. Besides, he can easily find other things with which to amuse himself, and doing the paperwork is for other people anyway.

Thank you sooooo much for participating again!!! It really means a lot!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt.7)

Well, Natsume's really in it now! Today we'll be talking about what lengths Natsume will go to in order to protect the people he loves. He's not a normal boy with a normal first crush, after all. He has no intention of wooing her or flirting. In fact, his instinct is to distance himself, and going forward we'll see that instinct is motivated by more than just a low self-esteem.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Natsume has some major character flaws. He’s kinda a jerk in general and is rude and abrasive. He’s chronically selfless and seems to be drawn to situations where he can sacrifice himself for others, which is a very unhealthy way to be. He’s also terrible at keeping his word.

Natsume only made this decision on his own, but he’s pretty bad at carrying through with it. He’s the one who told her to stay away, but Natsume will have more and more trouble staying true to such an agreement.

At first, he makes an effort: Mikan is being bullied for her stupidity and sees Natsume. He glares at her, another discouragement from coming any closer. He doesn’t argue with her or join in on the bullying.

But in no time at all, the whole class is riled up in study mode because of Mikan’s example, and for many kids in Class B, the best person to turn to for tutoring help is Natsume, who is actually quite smart when he actually does the work--though he’d prefer not to. And he does help, though not with any kind or supportive words. He’ll leave that to Mikan. Maybe to him it feels a bit like a cheat, like he can afford to give in a little bit. He later walks alongside her after an exam, like he’s part of her circle, and although he’s not really engaging with her like the rest of the kids are, it’s enough that he’s near her.

And it’s enough for the ESP and Persona to notice.

We can see the ESP looking down on them from his headquarters room, still covered in shadows to maintain his mystery, but his figure is familiar enough for a reread. Natsume has been caught and he will have to face the consequences.

Persona subs in for Makihara-sensei (and we must wonder if Makihara was really unable to proctor his exam or if he was ordered to stay away so that a point could be made to Natsume), and despite his disguise, Natsume can tell it’s him instantly. After all, he was supposed to recognize him. Natsume looks horrified.

So far, Natsume has had to more or less balance two very different parts of his life: a more light-hearted life in Class B and his life as a spy and black ops agent. They’ve been difficult to juggle because of how different they are, but they’ve been pretty separated. Here, the lines are blurring. Was there really any divide at all or was that just an illusion? Persona can invade on his happiness any time he wants, on a whim, and nobody else will notice that anything is amiss. Only Natsume will be bothered, and that’s enough.

Natsume later catches up to Persona, asking him what the hell all that was about.

Permy and his fans aren’t the only ones to notice that Natsume has been softer lately--he and the ESP have noticed as well, and he’s been ordered to put a stop to it. He mentions a “kitten of a different color” who has been of interest to the ESP too, and Natsume plays dumb, his last-ditch attempt to protect Mikan from being drawn into this.

Persona comments on the strangeness of seeing the infamous Black Cat that he trained himself, who he’s supposedly only ever seen in action, sitting and taking a test like a normal kid. He reminds him that he’s not a normal kid. There’s no point in trying so hard. He won’t make it to ever see his family again, so why even bother?

And then Persona makes a point to discourage Natsume from getting close to that “kitten of a different color”. Natsume argues that they’re the ones who made them partners in the first place! And he might as well be giving himself away. Again, Natsume seems convinced that the partners thing was a decision from pretty high up, but I don’t think it was. Here, it seems like Persona is trying to clean up the mess Narumi made before it gets too out of hand. Natsume is a perfect tool and anything messing with that is inconvenient. They can’t unmake them partners (yet) so the most they can do is threaten Natsume.

And now we can see what kind of alice Persona has. It's a real threat, killing that plant. It's a reminder to Natsume what he's capable of, that his friends and loved ones could end up just like that plant.

And so Persona does.

Natsume is anguished here, because he’s been trying his very best to avoid this situation, but he should have known that Mikan was already in the academy spotlight and his feelings would be quickly caught. It was too late from the start and he was doomed all along to add Mikan to the list of people he will do anything to protect.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

The next chapter opens with Mikan being confused and hurt by Natsume’s sudden new coldness. She has no idea what’s brought this all on, but we do. Natsume has no choice now but to completely try and cut her off. It’s for her own good, after all. If he’s not careful, she could get hurt. Protecting her is worth it, even if it means he has to be even more of a villain than usual.

We don’t see a lot of Natsume in this chapter, actually, because he’s trying really hard to stick by his word this time. We see him trip up a little, staring at her in class. When she catches him, he turns away coldly, but from this we can see that Natsume really doesn’t want to be leaving her alone like this. If he had it his way, in an ideal world, he’d be much nicer to her. Unfortunately, Natsume doesn’t waste his time thinking about his ideals, so he keeps at it, pushing her away.

The next time we see Natsume, it’s after we’ve been thoroughly introduced to the concept of the life-shortening alice. This is one hint of many that he has such an alice, several chapters before we get a real confirmation.

The scene where Natsume struggles on a bed full of pills is perhaps more dramatic in the anime, but it’s no less potent here. It’s like a sucker punch. You don’t want it to be true. He’s ten years old, for heaven’s sake! TEN YEARS OLD! And he’s suffering, hunched over, face red, gasping for air, clutching his chest, next to the biggest bag of medicine I’ve ever seen. It’s the biggest hint we’ve gotten so far, especially in the context of Kaname’s illness.

It's heart-breaking to imagine that most of the time, Natsume is simply pretending like he's not in absolute physical agony.

Kaname stays at the hospital for long stretches of time, staying for weeks and sometimes months at a time. He’s hospitalized more than he’s able to walk around free. There’s a lot to consider when that treatment is compared to Natsume’s. Natsume is the DA favorite and is sent on many missions. His trips to the hospital are never for weeks or months at a time, not because he doesn’t need the rest, but because the school can’t stand to go so long without their prize fighter. Natsume might be in even worse condition than Kaname, but there’d be no real way to tell unless we got it from him, because he has no choice but to put up with it and pretend like he’s not living in constant agony. And on top of being terribly and terminally ill, he gets physically beaten somewhat regularly… this school beats sick children and then threatens them when they find any inkling of happiness.

There is a bittersweet tone about Kaname’s story. He’s already sick anyway but he will probably die if he keeps using his alice, but he wants to, because he wants to bring people the same happiness that making Bear brought him. It’s tragic and heart-breaking, but it’s touching too. That sweetness is missing from Natsume’s appearance. His situation feels miserable and helpless in comparison, because not only does he have no way out, but nobody even knows the extent of his struggles.

He only lets himself feel this level of pain when he’s all alone in his bedroom. He’s been having a horrible past few days, having to ignore Mikan when she’s all that’s made him happy in recent memory. All that together, and we know that this night was a rough one for him.

The next day, we see everyone saying good-bye to Kaname. Once again, Natsume is completely separated from the rest of them, all alone in the classroom, sitting and looking as miserable as one can expect. It’s strange seeing him now after we’ve seen what his nights look like and just how painful they can get.

I just want him to be okay. Why is that too much to ask?

There’s some text on his panel: “I want the future I spend with the ones I love to last just a little longer.” Yet another hint that maybe his illness is more than just that. He has very little time left, and very little time to spend with his loved ones, but even worse: he can’t even spend time with Mikan because doing so would put her in danger. Even with Youichi and Ruka the amount of time he can spend with them is limited. They have their own lives and he doesn’t want to hold them back or hint in the slightest that there’s something up with him. He doesn’t want to worry or burden them. And so he sits alone in the classroom, looking despondent and lonely.

And now we know more than ever that this was never his choice: he has to be like this.

No, he’s not the asshole he makes himself out to be, somebody who doesn’t care about others and cuts others off because he thinks himself above them. All he wants is to protect people from getting too entrenched in his dark life. Natsume being this level of a jerk is a method to protect people, a method an adult would have to take.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I’m quite relieved to have finally passed the point where the anime adapts the manga. From now on, I can focus entirely on the manga. I passed 22k words on this essay too! This whole thing will be sooooo long. I hope it’s an enjoyable read so far. It’s quite fun for me to write.

This chapter is the beginning of a long and dramatic arc. There’s been incidents of people losing their alices. The academy is withholding information about the gravity of the situation, lying that the students have not been affected so far.

But even with the little information the kids have, Class B is full of concern. Everyone is discussing these incidents, debating whether losing one’s alice would even be a bad thing. After all, they’d be able to go back home and see their families. Nonoko brings up a great point, that her alice is a part of her identity, something she loves about herself. It’s not something she’d ever willingly part with. Furthermore, she doesn’t want to leave all her friends at the academy either. Ultimately, the kids all agree that they wouldn’t want to lose their alices.

At this, Natsume stands up and leaves the room. He’s heard enough.

Natsume doesn’t just have complicated feelings about his alice--he feels hatred for it. After all, if it weren’t for his alice, he could live to a ripe old age. He could still be with his family. He could be happy, not used as a weapon by the academy to fight until he dies. He can’t relate much to the conversations about fondness for an alice. From what we can see, he’d be over the moon to be rid of it for good. This is a concept brought up now, because it will be incredibly important later on.

Not to spill about my personal life or anything, but I’m an English major (in an anglophone country so my focus is literary analysis and writing). Writing literature papers in school was a love of mine that I translated to my other interests. I’m writing what I can here about general themes and even visual parallels. I want to write as thorough an analysis as I can. Unfortunately, I can’t effectively pick apart word choices and phrases when they’re translated from another language and when so many conflicting translations may exist.

I’m saying all this as a disclaimer because I want to analyze word choice now and I am aware that this might not carry to the original Japanese or even to other versions of the English translation. (For reference, I’m using the TokyoPop versions for my analysis for the first 15 volumes and then I’ll be using whatever I get my hands on for the rest. The pics I use are from scans, but the main source I use for now is TokyoPop.)

"Nowhere!".... hmm let me read way too much into this.

Natsume leaves the room and Ruka chases after him, asking where he’s headed. Natsume responds, “Nowhere.” This might be a nothing point to make, but it stands out to me whenever I read this part. It’s a reassurance to Ruka, sure, but there seems to be more to it. On the surface, we can tell that Natsume doesn’t have a destination in mind; he just doesn’t want to be in the classroom anymore, listening to all that upsetting talk. Deeper than that, he really is heading nowhere. He’s stuck there, at the academy, unlike the rest of them who will eventually leave to go back home once they’ve graduated. Natsume will probably die at the school, trapped within its gates. He will probably never see his family again. He is, in that sense as well, going nowhere.

The rest of their conversation is just as packed with meaning. Ruka can tell something is up and he wants Natsume to talk to him, to let him in, but Natsume knows that Ruka has made a pact not to smile if he’s not smiling. So even though Ruka is asking and wants to know what’s wrong, Natsume won’t give anything away. Being miserable is one thing, but letting Ruka know that something is worse than usual would only make Ruka miserable too, and he can’t have that. The bottom of one page has him frowning, maybe steeling himself, and then at the top of the next page, he turns around with a grin to tousle Ruka’s hair.

Don't mind me. I am simply crying.

“It’s nothing,” he says with his smile, looking so gentle, and Ruka still looks concerned, but he can’t argue anymore.

In reality there’s a lot going on with Natsume. Later, when we are introduced to Tono, he mentions being concerned about Natsume’s health, having heard that he was making frequent visits to the hospital. We already know he’s sick and going on ceaseless missions, and on top of all that he has to ignore and be cruel to the girl he likes. It’s a terrible situation. But Natsume can’t tell Ruka any of this without worrying him, so instead he will keep it to himself. After all, it’s nothing that can be helped or changed. It’s something he feels he has to cope with on his own. To him, spilling his secrets would be selfish and only cause suffering.

Chapter Thirty

Iinchou has finally returned from his visit to his hometown. He’s brought gifts and anecdotes and everyone is quite happy to see him, until Iinchou attempts to use his alice and finds himself unable to.

It’s a shock to the whole class that a kid at their school has lost his alice. They had been so relieved that at least it wouldn’t affect kids like them, but now one of them is a victim too. It makes the fear much more real. If it could happen to Iinchou, it could happen to any of them.

Things get tense when Iinchou returns to class and says that this might have been the fault of a woman he encountered outside of the school, someone who was probably affiliated with Z. Everyone who was involved with saving Natsume when he was kidnapped is shocked to hear about Z again, but none more than Natsume himself. He gets up and leaves, just like he did last chapter.

He’s thinking about the proposal Reo gave, that Natsume should join Z and fight against the academy he despises. But he’s not alone with his thoughts, because Ruka followed him again, and so did Mikan this time.

She tries to ask him about Z, see if he has any more idea about what’s going on. She’s confused and he knows more than anyone what happened during that incident, but he’s refusing to acknowledge her presence, let alone answer any of her questions. He’s keeping up his charade of cruelty to keep her safe, but it’s driving Mikan crazy. She finally breaks, screaming at him that he should pay attention when people are talking to him, and further that if he has any issues with her he should just say it to her face.

Just like last chapter, we see a panel of Natsume steeling himself, ready to do the selfless thing to protect the other person. Only this time the next panel has him glaring at her, saying he doesn’t like anything about her. He hates everything about her.

Natsume has no choice but to lie all the time about how he's feeling, because everyone else must always come first.

It feels different, but in reality this is the same thing he did to Ruka last chapter. He can’t be honest about his feelings when he’s feeling upset, and he can’t be honest about his feelings when he’s actually starting to fall for a girl. He always has to hide his true feelings, repress and bury them, lie about them in order to protect everyone around him. It’s hard for him to do, but he thinks it hurts him more than it could hurt her, so he manages it.

What adds even more layers to this is that Ruka is observing the whole thing. He sees Natsume’s actions as selfless but misfires on the motive a little--but only a little.

He recalls eating strawberries with Natsume and Aoi, with Aoi cheerfully discussing her newfound love for the fruits. And so Natsume gives his to her. Aoi is surprised, because strawberries are his favorites. He responds easily, “I hate them now.”

"For you," Natsume says.

Ruka knows what kind of person Natsume is, that Natsume would reject something he loves so that his loved ones can be happy. They’re both aware that they like the same girl, and Ruka can’t help but put the math together and assume that perhaps Natsume is doing this for him, hurting himself and bringing himself pain so that Ruka can be happy and pursue a girl he has a crush on guilt-free.

He’s even more convinced of the theory with the tiny panel that reminds us of when Natsume shoved Ruka into Mikan so they could dance. Natsume loves Mikan too, but he wants Ruka to be happy, so he will give up and even ruin his own chances to help out his best friend over himself.

When I say it’s a misfire, I mean that Natsume has a lot of other things going on, including Persona and his imminent death. It’s not that he definitely isn’t doing this for Ruka, it’s just that it’s not as major a factor as other things. He’s mainly doing it because of the threats from Persona. If Ruka is involved in his thought process, it’s mainly a bonus. Ruka’s theory is definitely not unfounded; just not completely accurate.

In any case, it does add extra substance to the dynamic between the three of them, where they all walk away from the moment with completely different kinds of misery.

Before any of them can sit with their sadness, though, they receive word that an intruder from Z is at the school.

Conclusion

In this section, we explored how Natsume has no choice but to distance himself from everybody, and even how the methods he uses to distance himself look different depending on the person. Ultimately, despite the fact that he isn't the sweetest kid you'll ever meet, Natsume being cruel to this extent isn't a quirk of his personality: it's what he has to do. If he didn't have so many things being held against him, he might be much kinder to Mikan, or more honest with Ruka, but he has no choice in the matter.

In the next edition, we're getting more involved in the Z Arc and going into how come Natsume goes from telling Mikan he hates her to backing her cause and going on a dangerous mission with her.

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[whumpster-fire]

Safety in a World of Daemons

So one really scary thing about a world of corporeal daemons is just how vulnerable it makes you. Everyone basically has two bodies, one of which is often much smaller and more fragile than a human body, and a lethal injury to either of them will kill you, and also you can’t be more than a certain distance apart or you’ll suffer excruciating pain / lose consciousness. Now, while Lyra’s world has a decent amount of modern technology like internal combustion engines, electric lighting, plastic textiles (aka coalsilk), and nuclear power (atom bombs and “atomcraft” get mentioned it seems like it’s socially The Good Old Days when child labor was widespread and OSHA didn’t exist. But what safety measures would a more modern society develop to keep humans and daemons safe?

Seatbelts developed and came into wide use earlier in Lyra’s world compared to ours, compared to the development of motorized vehicles. The myth of being “thrown clear” of a crash could never take hold to nearly the same extent, because people may not understand the forces involved in being flung through a windshield and skidding a hundred feet across pavement and the damage that does to your body, but everyone has an intuitive understanding that if your smaller/lighter daemon sitting in the front passenger seat bounces off the windshield, or ends up in the footwell, or gets “thrown clear” a hundred feet across pavement in a different direction, you’re probably going to be lying unconscious in the middle of the road. Cars typically have modular restraint systems to accomodate different daemon forms. Daemons should NOT stand on the dashboard, on the seat headrest, on their human’s shoulder, or on their human’s lap while their human is driving.

The “Drybox.” This is a device which can be used to keep small daemons with non-cold-tolerant forms safe from hypothermia in water survival situations. It’s basically an airtight container or bag you can put your daemon in and seal off, that’s connected to a pair of one-way valves with the inlet valve connected to a mouthpiece. This is meant for situations like airplane (or zeppelin) water landings. The way it works is you breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth into the tube. This will push air out the outflow valve, and completely replace the air in the container in a few breaths. Yes I’m aware that you breathe out CO2 which is toxic. Exhaled air is about 18% oxygen and 4% CO2, and breathing extra rapidly might result in more oxygen and less CO2 in exhaled air. 18% O2 is roughly equivalent to going up 5,000 ft in altitude, and 4% CO2 is below the levels that cause suffocation, so a daemon shouldn’t die from breathing air that’s been through human lungs once for a few hours. It would definitely feel awful to use one, but it’s safer than a daemon in the form of a small animal being soaked to the skin and half-immersed in cold seawater while bobbing up and down in the waves. Some versions can be connected to an oxygen supply or a manual pump instead.

If you are on an airplane or helicopter and the oxygen masks deploy (not a zeppelin, they don’t go high enough to need them), put your own mask on first, and put your daemon’s mask on second before you mess with anybody else’s. If only one of you has oxygen then you’re going to pass out but the one who has oxygen will be functional for a bit longer; therefore it is in your best interests for the one with opposable thumbs to get the mask first. People with monkey daemons please stop arguing with flight attendants about this. If your daemon has a form that can’t easily wear an oxygen mask, there are quick-connect adapters available, as well as containers that a smaller daemon can climb into, but these may be slower to use. In some cases it is best to form a “Buddy system.” If you have a trusted friend or family member seated next to you whose daemon can easily wear an oxygen mask, it may be safer to put their daemon’s mask on before your own to make sure they remain capable of putting your masks on. Yes, you will have to break the taboo to do this, but that’s better than death or brain damage from hypoxia. Some bird forms can get enough oxygen at high elevations that they don’t need a mask. For your safety, most national aviation regulations require that you declare your daemon’s species when purchasing a ticket and only sit in your assigned seat, so that you can be placed in appropriate seating and be provided with any specialized safety equipment you need prior to the flight. Children with unsettled daemons must demonstrate that they have the ability to memorize and follow an evacuation plan that includes changing to an appropriate form.

Daemons have no need to ever wear collars to identify themselves, but it’s surprisingly common to see larger daemons that can’t be carried by their humans wearing a harness and a brightly colored leash. This isn’t a fashion statement, it’s a safety device. Most humans and daemons are always careful to keep track of where each other are, but it’s not foolproof, and when boarding a train, or an elevator, or a bus or streetcar, in a crowded place where you might be distracted and everyone else is distracted, there is a risk of your daemon being caught on the other side of a door from you. If you are boarding or getting off a bus or train or elevator or anything like that, and you see a leash caught in a door, you slam the nearest emergency stop button IMMEDIATELY.

There are a lot of other environments where people and daemons need to be physically strapped or tethered together - e.g. whitewater rafting, boating. If they can’t be attached to your life jacket, then unless they can fly they need to have their own life jacket and be tethered to you, because otherwise getting swept apart by rapids or current could pull you out of range, and falling off a motorboat going at, like, 30 mph or faster could pull you 50+ feet away from them faster than either of you can even react to jump off after each other, and even with a life jacket being in the water and unconscious or incapacitated from pain is really fucking dangerous.

Same goes for climbing. I don’t care how good a climber your cat or squirrel daemon is, or if they can survive massive falls without injury, because if they free-fall five stories then either you will lose your grip and fall, or end up dangling limply from a rope.

Lockout Tagout systems are designed so that anyone accessing dangerous machinery has two keys, one for themselves and one that their daemon has to wear at all times. If your daemon is too small to wear the key, then they have to be in a locked cage that is physically attached to you, and the key to the cage is attached to the lock that you lock out the machine with. Mechanics’ daemons have a habit of crawling into tight spaces to look at things their humans can’t see or reach, or retrieve dropped tools, and at some point at least one idiot took their lock off while their daemon was still in a hazardous area and got a safety regulation made in their honor when somebody else turned on the machine.

Yes, your daemon needs eye/ear/respiratory protection in the shop/construction site. Unless your daemon’s shape completely prevents you from performing essential job functions (like a crocodile daemon and you need to climb ladders) your employer cannot terminate or refuse to hire you based on your daemon’s form, and they are legally required to provide you both with appropriate safety equipment.

[silence-burns]

Please Hate Me //part 48

Fandom: Marvel

Summary: Based on: “Imagine having a love/hate relationship with Loki.” by @thefandomimagine​ Who would have thought that babysitting a god could be so much fun?

Genre: slow-burn, enemies to lovers, banter, smut

Being the friendly neighborhood Spiderman always gave Peter a sense of pride and purpose, even if he could only share it openly with a few people. It was the kind of accomplishment that made all the hardships seem worth it in the end. It also made him happy in a way he couldn't really explain, but which involved a certain connection between him and the people he protected and got familiar with over the course of his superhero patrols.

But being the friendly neighborhood Spiderman was difficult in a neighborhood where no one was actually friendly in return.

Peter’s frown grew the further into the building he went. He was pretty sure it was the same one Loki and you had been renting an apartment in, and since he was a rather frequent guest, the neighbours should recognize him by now enough to at least return his greetings. 

That was what logic dictated, but Peter was pretty certain the people he met in the hallway only gave him a stern, disapproving look before walking past him quickly.

Peter was still frowning when he moved up the stairs, juggling the keys in his hand. Then he stopped. The unearthly screams of the damned were muffled, but most definitely coming from apartment number 13. 

Opening the door quietly, he slid into the familiar interior, now echoing with pain and suffering so loud, Peter had to cover his ears just enough to move to the root of all evil  - the bathroom. 

There were many inexplicable things Peter had witnessed happening in the apartment 13, and to some extent he got used to the thrill of not knowing what he'd face next time he paid a visit. Still, he hadn't expected to see various parts of a half-drowned owl sticking out of the sink filled thick with foam and bubbles. The owl must've struggled a lot, judging by the amount of water splashed on every possible surface, and the iron grip you and Loki still kept on the bird. Even if Loki was not wearing his usual features, it was still obvious who your partner in crime was.

The two of you froze. Soap and foam dripped to the floor. Loki's new form shimmered with a glamour only magic could achieve.

"Um, what are you guys doing?" Peter asked.

"Trying a new disguise?" The curtain of Loki's new long hair was luscious and utterly drenched. 

"No, I meant-"

"Listen, boy, as surprising as it might be for you, I'm still me, just with a less… criminally wanted image."

"Yeah, only if 'ME' stands for mischief embodied," you laughed.

"It literally doesn't. It's smooth, but it doesn't."

"Thank you, love. Now, could you please stop drowning poor Barbara?"

Loki sighed, but relaxed his grip on the bird just enough to allow it to peak its head out from under the surface and take a deep, long breath. 

Peter put his backpack down and meandered closer, dodging the growing puddles. "Why is there an owl in the sink?"

"Because I'm not allowing any fleas into my house," you firmly stated, pushing the wings back under the water. "And I don't care how many hours we'll spend here, I'm getting all the mud and dirt out."

Barbara clung to her dirt with all her might, but was overpowered and utterly misunderstood. Loki's new form was slimmer, but held the bird with his usual strength and a big dose of satisfaction. The smirk on his face was unchanged, even if the features were new.

"What do you need a disguise for anyway?" Peter asked, looking for a towel. "Can I go with you?"

"I'm afraid that as wildly chaotic and lawless as our destination is, you'd still be age-checked," Loki cooled his enthusiasm.

Barbara rushed to the towel and clung to it, loudly exclaiming what, precisely, she thought about her caretakers. Peter tried to dry her up as best as he could through her wriggling and screams. 

"Are you sure all this soap is good for her? Did you use any animal-friendly shampoo?"

Loki shrugged. "I doubt she can get any more dead."

The boy looked at the owl. The owl looked at the boy. The ruffled and drenched feathers were sticking out in all directions, uncovering a deep and no doubt fatal hole in her side. 

"You got a dead owl…?"

"It was not my idea," Loki groaned, casting the bird a disgusted stare in the mirror where he tried to change the shape of his eyebrows. 

"You're just angry because she likes me more," you laughed while mopping the floor.

Peter did his best to become invisible and not stare too openly at the ribs poking out of the feathers. Barbara puffed them every time he moved the towel around. The boy couldn't speak owlish, but the small, crittering noises she made were definitely far from happy.

"Where will you be going?" Peter asked. The owl sat on his knees and refused to move even after he finished drying her on the couch.

"To the largest casino on the Moon."

"Wait- There are casinos up there?"

"Not for kids your age," Loki said.

Peter slumped on the couch. "That's not fair."

"We'll be back before you notice." You threw the wet rag to the sink. "Of course, as long as a certain someone FINALLY decides what to wear."

Loki ignored your pointed look, too busy with changing his hair color. No matter how many little details he changed, he still struggled with finding a form he was sure would allow him to pass through the guards unnoticed and unrecognized. It was a shame he couldn't use his own - it felt like a waste to hide a face like his. 

The owl settled on Peter's shoulder, immobilizing him with the claws buried in his skin. But even from the couch, the boy could see the remnants of a hurricane that had thrown a rather alarming amount of clothes around the apartment.

"I thought these were yours," he admitted. The owl kept on looking through his hair with the utmost scrutiny and very little gentleness.

"I've settled long ago on what I'm going to wear. As for the diva himself, though…" you gestured around.

"I need it to be perfect," Loki said. "I have an important role to play, I can't just waltz in there and be recognized."

"You could go blond," Peter suggested.

"Ew, I don't want to look anything like my brother- Wait, that's actually a great idea."

Before any of you managed to protest, a full-grown Thor stood in Loki's place, watching himself from all angles in the mirror. The clothes no longer fit, so he dropped them and dove into the closet again.

"...what have I done?"

You patted Peter's free shoulder. Barbara nested in the crook of his neck. "Nothing they can prove. Hopefully."

*

"I am not my father's servant," not-Thor downed another beer. "And if I want to relax for just one evening, I shall!"

The tankard broke into tiny pieces as he smashed it on the ground. The loud applause and waves of laughter followed the very Thor-like outburst, making Loki relieved he was playing his role well. Even in a place like this, crowded with drunkards and gamblers from all over the universe, it was common knowledge what the god of thunder enjoyed.

Loki forced his glamoured face to remain cheerful as another tankard of beer had been brought to him, disgustingly sour and rough. He knew his brother well, and was sure he'd love it, but Loki himself would rather bite off his tongue than willingly digest any more if only he had an actual choice. He didn't, and therefore swallowed another gulp to the cheering from the crowds gathered at his table. The cards had been laid out, waiting for the victors to celebrate their success, and the rest to decide how much more money they were willing to lose to the god of thunder.

Seated in a great hall of marble and gold, Loki wished he could play the way he actually wanted to, which was the very same way that got him banned from the Moon last time he had visited. But for the sake of the mission, he stayed just above the line between bankrupting and winning money, which added to the body he was wearing, was just big enough temptation to keep his table busy.

Everyone entering the biggest casino on the Moon was inclined to try their luck, or at least take a quick look. It was a perfect, if rather boring, way of scanning everyone who entered the rich complex of buildings. The few fountains set further in the back murmured as they shot curtains of water. The air was thick and warm, making crowds of people inevitably gravitate towards them in search of any cold. With the tall, lush plants artistically winding over and between the pillars, it created little areas dotting the impossibly high hall, where the pleasant breeze gathered the people looking for just a moment of relief. You occupied a spot beneath the fountains, where most people would wind up going to at some point, and used it as a second checkpoint, just in case anyone missed Loki's, or rather his brother's table.

"Come on, does anyone else want to lose their fingers?" Loki heard you call out to the crowds.

Between their never ending sessions of losing and winning the money back just to lose them again, there were many individuals in need of a drink and a quick break from the gambling. How easy it was to grab their attention with a loud voice and a dead owl.

Loki stretched his neck and looked over to where you had sat down the bird with all kinds of currency piled between its claws and a single coin shining through the open ribcage. 

"All you need is to get the coin out, what's the matter, people? Is there no one brave enough to win all this money?"

Greed has always been a major deciding factor for the living beings regardless of race and the world of origin. The queue only rose in length as everyone wanted to try their luck. 

The table under Barbara grew more and more slick with blood from cut and bitten fingers. Pure malice shone in her dead eyes.

"What an awful creature," Loki muttered to himself. 

He could sense the stolen pin somewhere in the vicinity, but the casino was a loud and chaotic place, with multiple areas each centered around a different type of entertainment. More than an hour had already passed, but whoever was currently holding onto the pin, had not yet ventured anywhere near.

The two of you were slowly but inevitably running out of time. Odin might've been old and naive, but his spies' eyes reached far and wide. Loki had little doubt he would be interested in his favourite son's apparent evening fun, especially if he had that particular son with him, in the palace. Thor was a good cover, but not for much longer.

And then, by chance or a generous turn of fate, the shadows stirred and whispered. 

Loki cast the dice, not paying attention whether he'd won or lost. His money wasn't real anyway.

There - by the high palms stood the Hoarders, clad in the worn out rags and way too much jewelry. With their grey skin and long limbs, it was no wonder how easily they blended in with the shadows, using their skills to warp their surroundings and get in places others would consider highly secure. But their success was not measured in how many places they were capable of breaking in themselves, but rather how many individuals of all races they could easily befriend and bend to their will. Although, to be quite honest, Loki doubted the necromancer had needed much convincing. 

There were only three of them, each almost an identical copy of the others, but the Hoarders were encircled by both their partners for the evening and whatever scum tried to befriend them. That made it so much harder to approach them, but Loki was already thinking of a good excuse when he rose from his seat. People parted, giving him space - much more that would be granted to Loki's original form. 

The shadows whispered again. One of the ladies separated from the group, with an annoyed expression on her face.

Loki stretched, making sure to put his hands high. Once he caught your attention, he followed the lady at a leisurely pace.

"What do we do?" You asked once both of you entered the corridor and disappeared behind the corner. 

"She's got the pin."

One more turn took you in front of the ladies restroom. 

"Time for Plan C.” Loki began undressing quickly.

Holding a spare dress in your bottomless pocket was not the wisest choice, but it apparently paid off, even if fishing it out took you a moment. Your hands shook. Someone might have walked in on you at any time. While Loki would be doing whatever it took to get the pin back, you would be the one making sure no one interrupted him…

Like distracting the waiter that was now staring at both of you. Focused on the contents of your pocket, you hadn’t even noticed him approaching. Loki clad in only Thor's skin, blinked. 

The waiter turned on his heel and disappeared.

"I can already feel the gossip stirring," Loki shifted into a more feminine body, quickly putting on the dress. "They are going to eat my brother alive."

"Do you feel bad about it?"

"Oh, my heart is breaking into a million pieces," Loki assured you with a smile far too wide for that to be true. 

He kissed you quickly before disappearing into the restroom. 

Life felt amazing. Loki couldn't help but imagine the amount of trouble his brother would get once the word spread about his whereabouts.

His imagination was running wild, but the one thing Loki couldn't imagine was how, merely thirty minutes later, he'd find himself in the dungeons deep beneath the surface of the Moon, half-drowned, and viciously bitten.

[o-wyrmlight]

Tempted to ask about Elian headcanons. But I shall also request Juno and Zagreus headcanons to give a bit more variety

I hope I did this right, lol

Elian

Headcanon A:  realistic

If Elian didn’t grow up to be a warrior, he would absolutely have been a chef or a cook instead. Considering that he grew up during a literal famine and has his own complicated relationship with food, he’d be one of those chefs who cooks food for people who can’t afford it. Charity work? Hell yeah!

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

He would probably also raise his own animals if he were a chef and end up never using their meat in his food because he feels so bad doing it. This man has developed a bond with his animals unlike any other. He will never kill this pig, this pig loves him and will hunt for truffles and mushrooms for him.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

When Elian finally does die, it will be many, many years in the future. It will be a quiet death, a forgettable one. It will be following a battle that he never wanted to fight. It will be without the memory of Talon or Nania. He will have forgotten his past, his roots, where he came from. He will know that he is missing something, but he doesn’t know what, and he will never have the chance find out. He will not know what he was fighting for. He will die defending Gresha, and Gresha will have long forgotten him. He will die for nothing. He will die for everything. And he will not be remembered.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Elian has a photograph and a journal with nothing but his memories of Nania and Talon because FUCK YOU HE WILL NOT FORGET THEM IN HIS IMMORTALITY.

Juno Steel

Headcanon A:  realistic

Juno has always been quietly, hopelessly bi and a sucker for romantic notions. He is a man who has always wanted and craved a romance that is something good and worthwhile. He is a lady who has always longed for someone to hold him, assure that his trauma is okay, and it is valid, and he is valid, and he is worth fighting for. He has always been scared, though, what the case would be if they wouldn’t. So he tries hard to ignore it all as best he can.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

He and Rita met when Juno was just starting out in the private eye business. After they met, Rita tried to become his mom friend and ended up becoming his little sister--despite being older. I’m pretty sure she’s older. Right? Juno had absolutely no idea what to think of her and the weird way she handled herself and situations she found herself in, and it took him ages to adapt and get used to it. He still isn’t used to it. He doesn’t care. He wouldn’t trade her hard work and dedication for anything.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Juno became a private eye because he thinks he’s better at solving others’ problems than he is at solving his own. He uses PI work as an excuse to not focus on himself. He doesn’t want to work on himself. He wants to distract himself. He wants to solve problems, but never, ever his own. He’s fine--don’t worry about it. Tell him about your problems. Let him figure out how to help. Don’t you dare try to help him, you monster.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Juno experimented with his gender a lot when he was younger. He and his twin played dress-up together, did each others’ hair and make-up, had a hell of a time doing it. No wonder his mom got confused between who was who. No wonder she killed the wrong one.

Zagreus

Headcanon A: realistic

Even though Zag wants to leave Hell to find his birthmother in the hopes that she can somehow fix everything wrong with his life, he does still see Nyx as his mother. He does love her. He does appreciate her. Nyx will always be his mother, just as Zagreus will always be her son, and they love and care for each other very deeply. But Zag has always known, deep, deep down, that he is different from her other children. After all, Achilles’ journal itself says that she rarely shows favoritism. Rarely shows maternity. So why does she treat him with exception?

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

He is super fucking dumb when it comes to realizing people have crushes on him. Even when it’s right in front of his stupid face. Dusa, you are not subtle, not at all. Sweetheart, you’re so lucky Zagreus is a fucking idiot. Zagreus, I will punch you, you stupid fucking idiot. There are literally hearts coming from her when she speaks. She literally tried to ask you out on a date. Zagreus, you’re stupid, so, so stupid. I love you, you stupid, stupid man. Are you a himbo? I want to say you are.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Zagreus and Hades used to get along to some extent, when Zag was a young, young child, before things changed, before he started noticing that he is different from everyone else. Hades used to try to be kinder. Try to understand his son. It was hard. Hades misses Persephone. He still loves her. She was always the more maternal of the two. Maybe Zag could feel like something was missing even back then. Maybe Hades could even see that, and that’s why he distanced himself so harshly from his son. Maybe it’s easier for Hades to deal with, but Zagreus suffered as a result, and they grew bitter toward each other because of that. Zagreus doesn’t remember those better times. Hades does.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Cerberus taught Zagreus how to say ‘fuck you, Dad’ and get away with it. That’s it. That’s the theory. Make Dad mad when you were a kid? Give the good ol’ puppydog eyes after destroying the lounge. Guaranteed, Hades will go a little bit easier on you. Until he doesn’t, because you’re growing up and should know better, you stupid, stupid boy, you absolute buffoon. You dumb, queer mess. I am screaming.

[mnogorgannik]

2 10 n 11 :)

this is basically an essay im so sorry. watch how hard i can infodump (ill put this under a cut hopefully it works bc sometimes tumblr decimates the keep reading things if theyre in asks)

2. Who’s your favorite of the Bound? What do you think of the different ideologies they have? Which of the factions are you most aligned with?

WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER I AM A PETER LOVER THROUGH AND THROUGH!!!!!! oh baby i love that morally questionable architect. pretty early on in getting into pathologic (it’s coming up on a year now...) i thought about peter stamatin too hard and now i’m here. but really i find him to be such a fascinating character!

the thing about pathologic that i love is how almost every character can be as complex as you want. pathologic does an excellent job of implying a lot of character traits while only exploring some in further detail, which in some games is frustrating but patho does it so well! it consistently hints at traits and lets you fill in the details yourself. peter’s character is extremely interesting to me... and maybe a little more relatable at times than i want to admit lol.

i think i’ll talk about both stamatins though! their dynamic hurts me a lot. i’ll start with andrey bc i’ve been thinking about him lately. although i’ll bounce back and forth between both stamatins.

i’ve said this before but i’ll say it again.... andrey’s role as a protector who inadvertently hurts the people he cares about really gets to me. he is not a shield but, in his own words, a battering ram. and the problem is that battering ram has a recoil.

i have to wonder how that mentality of his came about, anyways. the implication is that it’s always just been him and peter, so did he take on that role because there wasn’t anyone else to do it?

in his efforts to protect peter from... military, i believe, he kills four people. which leads to daniil getting mistaken for andrey, which leads to daniil getting shot. and almost dying. he protects peter but to a smothering extent, peter even says he’s been suffering for ten years bc of andrey which is a LOADED line. he protects on a physical level but he kinda fucks up on the emotional.

there’s a horrible irony in peter and eva being the people he cares about the most and both attempting suicide. with eva once she’s missing he immediately goes running off trying to look for her, and . ahh i can’t remember right off hand what exactly he thought happened. but ik he was probably expecting a fight. with peter he says that after that he’ll never let peter leave his side, at least “as far as his knife can fly”... it sounds cheesy but the one thing he can’t save anyone from is themself.

and god the way andrey bases his ENTIRE sense of self worth on peter fucking hurts. they’re not peter and andrey, the architects. they’re Peter And Andrey, The Architect. (thinking about “one architect, two brothers” here.) andrey thinks he’s larger than life and all but he’s constantly living in peter’s shadow. their theatre of death positions come to mind here, with peter standing up, looking down at andrey. but andrey is on his knees in front of peter, arms limp to his sides.... separated by a wooden beam...

peter’s side of this dynamic is fascinating too. his dependency on andrey is. ow. leaving all practical matters and decision making to him... there’s this resentment (That’s Fine I’ve Been Suffering For Ten Years Because Of Him) and lack of communication that especially shows through for him.

while in p2 andrey completely crumbles if peter dies, peter doesn’t seem to care...... at all....?? which hopefully is elaborated upon in p2. he’s willing to talk to aspity about worrying if andrey is angry with him but he can’t bring it up with andrey himself. when he asks how andrey is doing he stops and says andrey is a “tough man” and can handle anything. in general, while it’s definitely there for andrey, themes of dependency are really glaringly obvious for peter.

one of my favorite peter things i’ve talked about before is still his ego!!! peter has a gigantic ego!!! he really does think that even though he’s hit the ceiling and can’t go any further he is still “a true architect” and “the rock upon which is built the stairway to tomorrow”. he has a blunt edge to him and he doesn’t ever tell you more than he thinks he needs to which i love. if he doesn’t want to tell you something he isn’t gonna do it. this is a character trait i think ppl miss which is sad because it’s so good and adds another layer of depth to him!

it really does hurt me how he’s valued for his mind alone (AHEM AHEM AHEM. GEORGIY) but it’s the thing nobody understands about him. i’m nowhere near as smart as peter lol but i do know that pain of feeling like none of your ideas can be understood because you just can’t express them the way you’d like, and then feeling like you’ll never be able to make it happen.

also, here’s a little thing  i’ve picked up on. this connection probably doesn’t exist but i’m making it because the stamatins make me lose my mind and start becoming one of those people who looks for connections in everything i guess. peter standing in the theatre of death, andrey below him. peter’s loft being at a high point in the town, the broken heart being underground. peter’s loft is also higher north on the map but the broken heart is lower south. just smth interesting

i have more thoughts on them of course! but this is all getting awfully long. i feel like i’ve only just gotten to the tip of the iceberg  even though i’ve written so much skfjskfjs this just feels quite surface level or. at least what is surface level for me who thinks about the stamatins so hard.

anyways i’ll keep my answers to the other two parts of this question quick! peter and andrey’s more creative vs practical mindsets are rly neat. especially because i would actually argue peter is a little more grounded in reality in certain aspects. not all, but certain ones...... their take on the utopian ideology is interesting. hot take: peter’s version of utopianism leans a tad towards humility. and andrey /does/ feel “straightforward utopian” but i think in certain regards? this man has a bit of a termite streak..... (hi al if you’re reading this). but i won’t get into that right now i’ve already gone on so long. saving that for later.

i think all of the factions kinda suck in their own way sometimes, honestly? although all of them are well written and have their pros and cons. were i in pathologic and i had to choose one i’d probably be a termite but everyone around me seems to think i’m a utopian. is it bc i love peter so much

10. What would you be like as a Pathologic character?

this question is a hard one! i did make a self insert once, mile-a-minute, but they’ve become their own oc by now. i think i’d be very...... very afraid...... probably isolating myself why does every pathologic character break quarantine???? also you could trade beetles with me :) thats about all i’ve got sorry this is real short

11. What is something you would change, writing-wise, about either game?

UGH i’ve been gushing about pathologic because. obviously i love this game so much. but the way it handles racism & such (in both games!) leaves much to be desired :/

i see a lot of the points it’s trying to make but i think the way they’re handled can be very messy. there are moments that work very well but. a lot that don’t. (i am aware that dybowski writes partially from his own experiences)

all too often the game “validates” the kin’s oppression and... at times paints them as oddly antagonistic? i don’t like how often as artemy you’re able to be like “i’m not one of those beasts” and i think there are better ways to touch on his internalized racism. in general the constant comparisons to animals is weird. you get big vlad who is obviously explicitly racist comparing them to animals, but then sometimes it’s like “ACTUALLY calling them animals is fine :)”

i think the herb brides are kind of. Hm. in their portrayal. also using parts of the buryat alphabet to denote an accent is weird. making odongh and herb brides inhuman is weird. connecting the kin to Magic is weird.

and, listen, i’d really like to not be playing Artemy Burakh Experiences a Microaggression Simulator every time i’m playing the haruspex route. hate that you either can’t call ppl out on their shit or if you can it ends the conversation/bars you from getting necessary information. glad you at least get to drag the vlads, i guess?

i also was talking about this but wrt peter specifically, and this issue is present throughout the game but it’s especially visible with peter, i don’t like how often you can mock him for his addiction.

he’s obviously in an extremely rough patch! being able to be just so plain cruel to him about the dependency on alcohol (and iirc in p1 hallucinogens, bc aglaya mentions it) he’s formed to cope with his mental illness & trauma just feels bad. especially because yes it is not a healthy coping mechanism at all but... it still is a coping mechanism, if that makes sense?

the way you’re able to constantly rub it in his face feels awful. peter is fully aware that it isn’t good for him and shows a desire to quit. even if he didn’t it would still be awful to say because. it’s just insensitive. like you don’t just go up to someone and keep being like HEY YOU DRINK A LOT YOU SHOULD STOP DOING THAT DO YOU KNOW WHAT WATER IS? feels really bad to keep harping on something that causes him pain and that he struggles with every single day.

however peter does have moments where he tells you Not to say that, or if you pry into why he drinks he’ll outright say he doesn’t remember you being his friend, which is better than nothing.

in p1 moreso than p2 i hate how you can be like oh he’s craaaazy he’s off his rocker he’s delusional!!!! that “why, i never... an architect of schizophrenia!” comment sticks in my mind because it’s just... so genuinely mean. especially because if i remember correctly that line is from when he’s planning on LITERALLY FUCKING BURNING HIMSELF ALIVE

i think if they were going to have all of this they should have gone more in depth on how it’s really. not good that he’s treated so poorly. and i do believe that’s what they were going for, a la the art book w/ the whole “not to be made into a drunken clown, this is a tragic character”, etc. but it just doesn’t land. i’m holding out for the bachelor and changeling routes in p2 to see if they expand upon any of it but i highly doubt i’ll be satisfied in this regard.

i stand by the One time it was really fucking funny to clown on peter being the time you can tell him little girls eat raspberries and earthworms and he just believes you

[theres-someone-to-write-about-it]

Banshee friend helps Bella through dark days

Edward leaving crushed her, mind body and soul. When Sam pulled her out of the woods muttering and crying that he was gone. I almost went to kill him myself. I didn’t care where he was, he was an absolute asshole for doing this to her.

I couldn’t sleep those first few weeks because I couldn’t feel that she was alive.

The first three months were agony to watch her suffer. If I could have carried her through it, telling her it was going to be okay, I would have. Her night terrors and screams hurt my throat even though I know she couldn’t feel the pain.

Living next door to her was a constant battle between wanting to sneak into her room and knowing what I’d find wasn’t her. Wasn’t Bella. She was a shell, a hallowed frame with nothing inside.

I came over and brought food to Charlie under the pretense of a good neighbor. He would barley talk and I knew better than to ask.

When a flickering ember of her life finally came back, I wanted to run to her. To hug and hold her, so happy to know she was starting to be alright. But there was still so much more she needed to heal.

I stayed with her as often as I could. Even when she didn’t acknowledge I was there. I’d sit at the lunch table with her, no need for conversation. I saw she was only responding to direct questions. Not healed enough yet to be human.

Her waking up was a blessing and a curse. There was more pain, the dryness of her faint embers igniting was a hopeful sign but hard to breathe through.

I followed her and Angela to the movies. I should have just gone to her, tagged along to the trip like a normal person. But silent curiosity got the better of me. I imagined it was easier for her to believe I was just one of her normal human friends. Rather than someone who could clearly see how exactly she was hurting and what she was feeling.

Her hallucinations weren’t necessarily all in her head. They were more like psychic echos, pieces of the real Edward peaking through her shield while also being encased in them. I could see them to an extent and feel what they did to her. I never dreamed she’d use them as a lifeline and devote herself to extreme sports to witness them.

Stubborn and hurt as she was, I knew she would’ve found any reason to see her visions again. I suggested some fun times. My motorcycle wasn’t necessarily top notch in the speed department but a ride on the back got her high enough the first few times.

I taught her how to ride it next and that lasted a while before the feeling wore off again. Eventually, we were able to just sit and talk like normal people. I remember the first time I heard her laugh again so clearly, I’ll never forget it.

We were sitting on my living room floor messing with a map and haphazardly talking about the best roads to ride on the bike with. Her eyes were still only a light purple underneath as opposed to the bruise colored they were just weeks ago. I was doing most of the talking, like normal.

“This road is really good if you want to go fast, like 100 miles an hour fast. There are no cliffside or blind curves and surprisingly no cops,” I pointed to another winding highway, “This one will definitely get your thrills in, but you can’t go over 70 without the goal of jumping a cliff. Screaming weeeeee all the way down.”

I don’t know exactly what made her laugh, but my heart stopped when I heard it. It wasn’t her full laugh, but it was more than I’d heard in months. By the look on her face, it was more than she’d heard from herself too. If I didn’t have such good emotional control, bordering on ridiculous control, I would’ve cried right there in front of her.

A short pause was all I afforded myself, acting like it wasn’t such a huge thing. I made a comment about how I liked her laugh offhand. Then we, mostly me, went back to talking.

Talking about Edward or the Cullens made her feel like falling apart all over again. But I found subtle ways to try and heal her mind and heart.

When Laurent came down for the visit that almost killed her, I had to catch myself from running to help. Even from miles away, I could feel her fear and despair of being in that clearing.

There wouldn’t have been anything I could have done to save her. I’m still essentially a human with some fae gifts. No super strength or ability to take down a vampire. But damn I would have tried had the wolves not showed up.

It was some short time after that I let it slip about my not-so-human origins. Jacob Black wanted back in her life after he’d changed and it was important she knew exactly what type of world she lived in, surrounded by mythical creatures and at least one of them who loved her. Obviously I couldn’t tell her that part. I never even brought it up.

We were pacing the forest since it was hard for her to be still nowadays. As much as I tried to veer away from the path she walked that day with Edward, it was like her body had a mind of its own. I rambled on about the trees before coming upon this one particular one who was dying. I’d been searching for a segway the entire day.

I pressed my hand into the trunk that still looked alive, “This tree will be dead by next year.”

Not one to perk up at some of the weird things that come out of my mouth, Bella just nods and mutters an agreement. I thought for a moment that I’ll literally have to spell it out for her when I see a giant wolf track right next to me. Wonderful. “Wow, that’s a big paw print. What kind of wolves are they breeding up here?”

At that, her head snapped up finally. She came over to where I was and saw it instantly in the wet earth, “it’s probably a bear or something. Grizzlies can get pretty big.”  

“Or you have a particular loyal pack protecting you.” We were right beyond her yard after all. She attempted to stammer away and excuse before I cut in again, not being able to take it anymore. “I know werewolves are a thing and so are vampires.”

I hadn’t realized I turned away from her when I said it until I was facing the dying tree again. I was afraid of her reaction if she’d think I’d betrayed her after all this time. “What are you talking about?” I sighed, hanging my head with closed eyes.

“Those aren’t the only types of legends that exist in the real world. There are other creatures and types of people. It just so happens Forks is a good a place as any for them... us... to settle down.”

“Us?” I couldn’t even look. Her emotions were going haywire trying to figure it out, process the words I was saying in a way that made sense. Probably wondering if I was a vamp sent to kill her, that particular fear cut deep.

“I’m not dangerous or hurt people. I don’t turn into an animal or anything. I’m a banshee and we see and feel death. I can see and feel the emotions of people around me and feel when someone is going to die.”

The silence was gut wrenching but I knew she had to process and it would take time. “How?” I think she asked it on a whim, the first thing that popped in her head.

“My ancestors were fae. Like fairies only a lot weirder. Eventually they came to be with humans and through a few centuries of evolution, here I am. Seeing death everywhere I go.”

“Huh.” I couldn’t tell if that was an intrigued or scared response so I peeked over to see her last in thought. Better than running for the hills I guess. “I can’t have normal human friends to save my life.”

After a moment shocked me back, we both laughed and I can tell you, I’ve never felt more free. I couldn’t tell her everything like the spirits in town or the lost souls or some of the more unsavory things. But whenever a newly dead soul came to be moved on, I told her the process as I did it. Opening the veil and leading them to the other side.

She was interested what lied beyond the veil and I told her what I’ve seen of other people’s afterlives how there are infinite possibilities depending on what you believe. I could’ve sworn she was about to say that she didn’t believe in anything after death but bit her tongue. Eventually it became easier to tell what she was thinking based on her emotions, or when I was feeling lazy, almost everything was written in her face.

After Jake wormed his way into letting her in on the secret, he became more of a permanent fixture in her life. Not that he was a bad person, he was far more loyal and slightly more understanding than the boy who said he loved her previously. But still young and volatile and unpredictable.

Meeting Jake for the first time was not what I expected or intended for that matter. Bella got the ridiculous idea of cliff diving and had the stubbornness to go alone, picking the absolute worst timing.

I was in the reservation before I knew what was happening to me, drawn there by imminent death. My soul worked on autopilot, moving my body and I guess making sure I got there in one piece even though I still can’t remember a single road sign or turn in this place I’d never been.

I arrived just after they said the prognosis wasn’t good. Regardless of how much I knew it wasn’t the cause, I felt guilty for being there. Like Harry’s death would be my fault because I could feel it before it happened. I kept my camouflage well, that way no one disturbed me or even noticed I was there when I snuck into his room.

The light was already fading from his body as his soul was ready to leave. I must have been there only in spirit because even the medical staff didn’t shoo me out of the room when he coded the first time. They paid me no mind as I held his hand. I told him everything was going to be alright, that he was safe now.

He was stubborn and wouldn’t go until he had everyone around him. His whole family, most of his friends, and others gathered around to wish him goodbye. The second time I took his hand, his soul went with me. I told him he was going somewhere wonderful and led him towards the light. It took me a while after he was gone to remember where my body was. Outside in the parking lot.

It took me what felt like hours to control the sobs grasping from my throat and even longer to realize what I felt was drowning. Bella drowning after cliff diving right before a storm. I’ll owe Sam and Jake eons for saving her even though I knew they didn’t do it for me.

As I drove to her house, I felt for her energy to know she was alright. Knowing she was with Jake made me feel marginally better. At least his werewolves strength could protect her if needed. She already felt sick with worry and guilt so no need for me to give her anymore.

We pulled up at the house at the same time. The same moment we recognized the car. I knew the presence of a Cullen and immediately went to her side of the car, holding the door before Jake could think to drive away without dragging me along the gravel

He was tense and angry and, above all, concerned. “It’s Alice.” Was all I had to say before Bella was practically running to the door, leaving Jake and I to meet officially. We’d heard enough about each other. Me from Bella and him from what seemed a mixture of places.

“You were at the hospital with Harry.” I nodded. “You didn’t kill him did you?” I shook my head, the vibrating in his shoulder decreased ever so slightly, the tension in his knuckles never ebbing. He kept watching the door, weighing his options. If it was worth breaking the treaty. For her. I would’ve.

I put my hand on his arm, almost pulling back from the heat. I knew to expect it but somehow it still surprised me. “I can go inside and make sure she’s alright and find out what Alice wants or stay out here and tell you what she feels.”

He blinked a couple times, not exactly sure what I meant. “I’m a Banshee. Which is how I know you need to be assured she’s alright, ideally in a way that doesn’t involve you hulking out. So I can either stay here with you and tell you that she’s feeling incredibly relieved and happy to see Alice or go inside and get the full story then report back out here. Your choice.”

“I think I’ll go look for myself thanks.” Typical dude bro. I rolled my eyes and easily kept pace with him even when clearly he tried to beat me to the door.

Alices energy was always different than the others and I never could tell if she had a blind spot for me too with her visions or if I just seemed another insignificant human to her.

When I walked through the door, with Jake shortly behind, Alices eyes went cold and threatening. Bella got in between us and assured Alice we were safe. Introductions were made and things were civil for Alice and I. Alice and Jake were like hot oil and water, sputtering and tense.

Bella explained the wolves and my being a banshee really quickly, trying to get it over with so she could hear about why Alice was actually there. Upon hearing what I was, Alice looked at me a bit harder, trying to get a read on me and my future. She clicked her tongue in some sort of verdict and explained about seeing Bella jump and the stupidity.

Things happened pretty quickly after that. Alice got the call from Rosalie and how Edward knew something happened to Bella. I tried to stop Jake from answering the phone but the moron did it anyway. The tension in his posture and tone told me all I needed to know as I ripped the phone from his hand. He barley had time to say ‘funeral’ before I said his name.

“She’s okay. She’s alive. Bella is safe. Reasonably.” I couldn’t hear breathing or feel anything but I willed him to hear me. “Harry died. Bella is okay.” The line went dead.

I could fear Bella breaking all over again and I didn’t hold myself back from holding her as she almost fell to the ground.

At least he knew she wasn’t dead. Gods know what he would do if he thought so. I prayed with everything in and around me that he could know I was telling the truth.

I left her with Alice for the night, pulling Jake behind me practically by the scruff. They needed time alone. She explained Victoria and the wolves protecting her. I didn’t pay attention to if she bothered explaining me. I was afraid of what she’d say.

One thing we all did learn from Alice was that they were planning on coming back. All of them. I wish I’d burned their house down.

Edwards return felt more dramatic than it was. And all the drama was second hand to me. All I focused on was how to help Bella. How to help her see this wasn’t healthy. She was stubborn and independent and amazing. She deserved so much more.

I arrived at their house around ten minutes before he arrived. The Cullens were surprised, especially Alice. It was a first for her. I guess she couldn’t see me after all. Good to know.

I waited outside until I was invited in, civilized and cordial. They all gathered in the living room, in the middle of dusting off the home they’d emptied out of. “I want to talk about you all returning to Bella’s life.”

Carlisle nodded, speaking up for his family. “It is only Bella’s decision whether she accepts us back.”

“I’m aware. Personally, I have no problem with any of you. I’m not sure what you’ve ever heard about Banshees but I’m not here as a representative of my kind. I’m here as someone who... loves Bella very much. All I ask is an audience with Edward before he sees her. To give him some information and ask questions about his return.”

They let me sit on the couch for what felt like years before he walked in the door. He was ragged and haggard. I tried not to have some sick satisfaction with that. But it was a fraction of what Bella suffered.

“She’ll kill me when she finds out I’m here.” Edward nodded, confused and concerned that he can’t read my mind. “I’m a Banshee. We have some shielding ability to keep our thoughts private. Can we talk?”

He only nodded again. “Good. Do you think you could handle some pain right now? A glimpse into the last six months. What happened after you left?”

His voice was so strained and ragged, “I deserve it.”

“I don’t necessarily disagree but right now I don’t think it’s the best time...” I played everything over in my head of what I think would happen. His only relief would be Bella and her him. It was inevitable they’d be back together and she’ll want to forget any of this ever happened while he went on always feeling guilty.

“You left her to keep her safe. Believing a life without you would be best. You were wrong.”

[hamliet]

Who Holds Destiny’s Pen?

Or, choices and destiny: the main theme of The Witcher books. 

What is destiny? Is it the Ouroborus? Are you just a tool in it? Do your choices matter?

Existentialism vs. determinism, that age-old debate. The Witcher doesn’t give a clear “yes everything is determined” or “no, nothing is” but does explore the question with nuance and ultimately, for me at least, a fulfilling answer to that question.

Destiny is hope.

It’s amusing that The Witcher is in many ways seen as playing tropes straight (as opposed to, say, Martin, whose ASOIAF deconstructs elements of the fantasy genre). But I actually didn’t think this was true; or, rather, it’s a stark oversimplification. Ciri (one of the best female main characters I’ve ever read about) is very much a deconstruction of the Virgin Mary archetype within a misogynistic world. The Witcher never revels in its misogyny, using them to titillate while also critiquing them: it straight up critiques them with nuance and empathy. 

The Virgin Mary, of course, is the woman who gave birth to Jesus in the Christian faith, who saved the world. (She too was probably only 14 or 15 when her story began, much like Ciri.) Ciri’s whole deal, in addition to being a powerful medium in her own right, is that she’s prophesized to give birth to the “Avenger” who will save their world from total calamity. Thus a five-book saga of everyone trying to control Ciri’s womb is spawned. It could be creepy if it wasn’t handled so well (it is framed really well as just as creepy and dehumanizing as it sounds, yet not in a titillating way). 

One of the main motifs, if not the main motif, of The Witcher’s choice vs. destiny question is what say women have over their bodies. It could be read politically; this isn’t exactly a political reading thereof but an examination of The Witcher’s exploration of to what extent a person can control their destiny.

Renfri is not allowed to have any say in what happens to her from birth, because Stregobor believes she is a monster and wants to find her to dissect or vivisect her. Even when Geralt is forced to kill her, he refuses to allow Stregobor to touch Renfri’s body, because her body is hers. The books bang this drum even louder than the show does, because within the books, Renfri’s history of sexual abuse is strongly highlighted. 

Renfri’s story asks the initial question: what is the lesser evil? And it’s a question The Witcher keeps asking us. If Ciri being used to have a child who will save the world from a calamity that will definitely come can definitely save this world, then why not sacrifice one girl’s wellbeing for the good of the world? 

Geralt argues that evil is evil, large or small in scale. He uses this argument against the emperor determined to marry and impregnate Ciri:

“The ends justify the means,” the Emperor said flatly. “I do it for the future of the world. For its salvation.”

“If you have to save the world like this,” the witcher lifted his head, “this world would be better off disappearing. Believe me... it would be better to perish.” 

The story then focuses specifically on childbearing and pregnancy for its three most important female characters: Yennefer, Milva, and Ciri. 

The show doubles down on this, as it depicts Yennefer telling Geralt that the root of her desire to overcome her infertility is because the choice was taken from her, and she wants her choices back. It’s a powerful statement that has its spirit carried over into the books; however, Yennefer’s infertility in the books is definitely not her choice whereas in the show it does show her making a choice; it’s essentially a side effect of her magic. Yennefer can control how she appears, can control chaos, but she cannot control her own womb, and Sapkowski writes Yennefer’s anguish over this as raw and real.

However, Yennefer does later receive a choice: to train and thereby end up adopting Ciri, or not. And she chooses to, and it’s a lifegiving decision for all. She is able to write her destiny in Ciri. 

Women’s rights to control their own bodies is most blatantly brought up with Milva. She finds herself pregnant on the road and has to decide whether to keep it or have an abortion, and the emphasis is clearly on the fact that it is her choice regardless of what she decides.

‘In Nilfgaard,’ Cahir said, blushing and lowering his head, ‘such matters are determined solely by the woman. Nobody has the right to influence her decision. Regis said that Milva is determined to take the… medicine. Therefore I think of this fact as accomplished. And the consequences of this fact. But I am a foreigner and not familiar with… I should not have spoken at all. Forgive me.’

‘For what?’ the troubadour said with surprise. ‘Do you think of us as savages, Nilfgaardian? As primitive tribes, adhering to shamanic taboo? It is obvious that only a woman could make such a decision, it is their inherent right!…’

Geralt then faces a choice to help Milva make her own decision for herself, not for what she thinks she should do or because everyone else wants one thing or the other. And he steps up as a dad figure to her, becoming vulnerable with her when he discusses things he has lost in life. It’s through his empathy that Milva feels free to come to her decision: she decides to keep the baby after all..

...only to lose the baby in a later battle. So, did her choice matter or did destiny rip her choice away? Is destiny itself the monster?

It matter because it was the fact that Milva made that decision. She mourns for the loss of her baby (which gets to The Witcher’s themes about how, if you love someone, you will inevitably end up hurt, but if you don’t, you will be less and less human). This is further compounded by how Milva’s decision mirrors Geralt’s and Yennefer’s, because after the loss of her child she acts as a mother-like figure for several in the company (for example, when she forces Geralt and Cahir to stop fighting). She is able to save and protect them, to die defending life as opposed to the life she’d lived taking it.

As for Ciri, she deconstructs the Virgin Mary archetype and the lamp character trope (a trope in which you could replace the character--usually female--by a lamp and nothing would change). Everyone’s trying to find her. Everyone wants to use her. But she’s not a lamp. Emhyr, elves, mages, Vilgefortz--they all want to arrange for Ciri’s son to be someone who will represent their interests.

Even when characters aren’t trying to get Ciri pregnant, you have Bonhart (a villain who’s basically what would happen if you combined Delores Umbridge and Ramsay Bolton in a Petri dish) who treats her like an animal and forces her to be a gladiator. Not to mention Mistle straight-up assaults Ciri (I know the author didn’t intend for it to read that way, but honestly, I’m confused as to where the ambiguity even would come from; it seemed very blatant to me). Everyone’s trying to use her, refusing to give her her own choices, and refusing to care about how she feels, which brings us back to what Geralt says to Emhyr which I cited earlier: 

If this is what it takes to save the world, if the world is required to be evil and torment a girl and subject her to all kinds of abuses, is the world itself--evil in what it will do to spare itself--worth saving? 

Hence, is the concept of destiny a curse? How can it be, when destiny says Ciri is bound to Geralt and this turns out to be positive? Yet also says Ciri will have a child who will avenge the world against some calamity, but the ramifications of this almost destroy Ciri’s life. 

Destiny seems, therefore, to be what people make of it. It can turn you into a monster or a legend or perhaps both, but your choices are what make destiny, destiny. You hold your own pen. 

Which isn’t to say that the story relies on “good victim, bad victim” in how people who make bad choices suffer, because it does not. The point is that we understand what makes someone make the choices they make, regardless of if they’re feared emperors like Emhyr or murderers like Renfri or lost children like Mistle. Empathy, really. It’s hard to outright condemn any character (less so their actions) for making the choices they make. Empathy is what enables our characters to transcend their broken world, to hope and choose better. Except Bonhart. We can all hate him.

You hold destiny’s pen, but empathy and compassion give you the ink, and when you don’t get it, the pen is good for nothing but use as a weapon. 

Destiny is hope, as Philippa concludes in the end, and empathy is what brings legends about--relating to the struggles of those who came before (yes, The Witcher gets very meta in Lady of the Lake). And hence, while the ending leaves a lot of questions out in the open, I think the open-endedness really affirms the story’s core themes. The point is that Ciri has choices about whether or not she wants to conceive a son and whom with, if anyone. She’s free in a new world, able to return to her old one if she wishes, or not to. She gets to decide what’s on her next page.

To an extent, the reason I felt the more tragic endings kind of worked in The Witcher is because even when the characters’ arcs end in tragedy, they tend to get what they want. Ciri got her parents in each other’s arms, Cahir got to see Ciri again as the adult he dreamed (literally) of, Angoulême got to matter, Regis’s legacy is one of salvation rather than death, Milva found belonging, Yennefer got to become a mother, and Geralt found out how very, very human he was. Hell, Emhyr even made a choice to honor his word. The story doesn’t glorify tragedy or death (the opposite: this attitude is directly called out multiple times in Cahir and Geralt’s arcs), but neither does it imply that death is the loss of hope.

In the end, regardless of how their arcs ended, each of our beloved characters’ hopes were fulfilled.

I have several more metas I want to write, most notably on Ciri and Cahir’s foiling, as well as Ciri’s and Renfri’s, and the Rats vs. Geralt’s company.