#when one of the children he literally brainwashed and emotionally manipulated called him evil to his face

[bi-demon-ium]

this is the man that had the audacity to be like [dainty offended gasp] evil? moi?? sir have you seen yourself

[bi-demon-ium]

okay listen. i understand that nancy deserves some rest, but i have two things to say. a) i would argue that while nancy definitely has Been Through It and Had A Time, she isn't Sleepy. she does not have sleepy energy. i realize this isnt the only qualifier in this tournament, but nonetheless i feel it's significant.

b) i believe someone has already talked a bit about books mr benedict (that'd be the one on the top) so i'm here to tell you about show mr benedict. for a really long time.

first of all, the man is medically sleepy. he has narcolepsy. i'm JUST SAYING. it's kind of his whole vibe.

secondly of all, man looks like he is on the verge of an emotional breakdown literally the msot of the time he's onscreen, with the exception of when he's literally whammied into feeling false joy (we'll GET TO THAT) and even then he's still stressed out and scared.

man had a shitty childhood living in an orphanage with his brother, who he loves, but is very controlling, and then something happens when they're twelve where they get separated (he gets adopted and his brother doesn't) and he blames himself and carries that guilt and self-loathing for decades.

then he spends at least a decade trying to stop a worldwide issue that no one else can or will acknowledge, to the point where he's basically repeatedly gaslit and told that he's crazy and nothing is wrong and he's being paranoid. eventually he manages to gain a few people who believe him (still rotating in my brain that they're all found family and yet exclusively call him by his last name/"mr" benedict, and don't do this with each other) and then realizes the literal only way to stop the dangerous Worldwide Brainwashing is employing the help of actual children, which leaves him distraught and frightened on their behalf and guilty even though he truly believes--and correctly--that they will be in more danger if they don't act than if they do.

and THEN he finds out that the person behind everything--the person who's been brainwashing the world, who's ruined his reputation and swallowed up the last ten or more years of his life, who's repeatedly sent men to attack, taze, and kidnap him, including breaking into his home and trying to kidnap him from there, the person who wiped his friend's memories and stole his life (and later we found out separated him from his daughter, who grew up in an orphanage because of this until she ran away to JOIN THE CIRCUS), the person he's been fighting for so long--is in fact the twin brother he lost so long ago, who knowingly did all of this and never tried to reach out to him. he's devastated and blames himself for how his brother turned out, and by extension in some ways blames himself for everything his brother did. at one point it looks like one of his friends may have died and he blames himself for that too because the man has guilt the size of texas and self worth the size of an electron. the kids also end up in more danger, which he's also guilty and stressed about.

they (mostly the kids to be honest) manage to stop his brother's plans but not before he faces him for the first time in like three decades or so. his brother promptly emotionally manipulates him and uses his disability against him in order to escape, leaving him on the ground with zero regret.

then in season two his brother comes back with YET ANOTHER evil plan, except this time his friends have largely scattered and one of them is like "it's okay if you're jealous but there's nothing wrong, there's nothing to stop" so once again he's telling everyone something is horribly wrong and being dismissed as crazy/paranoid/"just jealous" except now he's not alone except he is because they either aren't there or don't believe him either, even though his brother's new "i can make anyone happy" tv interviews are insanely suspicious. not to mention he's TAKEN CREDIT for stopping the worldwide crisis HE CAUSED, and very much did NOT stop, the thing that again, took up like ten years of nicholas & friends' lives, but sure! that CULT HIS BROTHER IS STARTING OVER THERE ISN'T SUSPICIOUS AT ALL. oh yeah. he's starting a cult. btw.

so his brother kidnaps him and the friend and they're Trapped In The Cult, where everyone keeps comparing him to his brother, and then eventually he gets whammied with the new evil plan, which is basically a thing that makes you feel "involuntary elation" (terrifying combination of words!) but it's like, artificial joy. so he's basically like! haha no more depression! except not really because he's still scared and worried but also isn't at the same time bc His Brain Is Being Messed With and he keeps trying to fight it and going back and forth and basically desperately wanting to give in bc he's so tired, he's so hurt and exhausted and to just be happy would be so nice, to be with his brother again who he loves and misses and desperately wants to redeem, he wants to believe it could be that easy but he can't.

at one point he even learns something--that this false happiness state all the cult members, including him, are in, has unexpected and unintended side effects where they START GOING INTO COMAS THEY WONT WAKE UP FROM, and he knows it'll happen to him, and he notes that he knew he should be terrified and worried but he wasn't, and THAT scared him, but he's just glad anything can scare him at all anymore. which again. terrifying emotional manipulation.

he's also isolated at this point bc he and his friend disagree on how to deal with his brother--nicholas is determined to save him, to talk to him, because he loves him and still blames himself for his perceived abandonment of his brother, while his friend can't or won't understand why he would want to repair their relationship in the first place. also side note this is more the writing than her but she also constantly makes a bunch of comments about his weight that make him visibly uncomfortable and it's?????? please fucking stop. i'm making her sound bad and i swear she isnt most of the time but like jesus christ. why did they include this.

anyway the only person he's really having much positive contact with is his brother, who's actively manipulating him because he also loves nicholas but thinks he has to force him to stay close because of the whole childhood thing and his own obsession with control that stems from their shared disability among other things, so he's going about it in a super fucked up way bc hes a super fucked up guy. so nicholas is struggling with all of this like--their shared past and issues, his own guilt, his brother manipulating him, the Whammying/false joy he's trying to fight but finding it really hard to, the worry over the kids who are definitely making it their business to come and Save Them From The Cult even though they're like 13, etc., and he's also isolated and he's just. the only person he has to talk to consistently is his brother, who is actively manipulating him and hurting him and intentionally driving a wedge between him and his friend to isolate him further and convince him to stay willingly.

eventually the kids do fully break into the cult compound to rescue them (including his adopted daughter who refuses to acknowledge he's her adopted father, because she's a tiny psychic with big issues, who is also now whammied like he has been and in danger of going into a coma) and manage to break him out of the whammy and kidnap his brother out of the cult when they escape and then his brother has a redemption arc speedrun somehow and the daughter does go into a coma and terrifies him but they manage to get her out safely, just barely.

and then the season ends with him finding out they apparently have an evil sister which is insane (i can't believe they eurus holmesd us. i'm still not over this. i'm so angry we're not getting a season three bc i desperately needed to see that particular trainwreck.) between that and the lowkey emotionally abused nephew that as far as i can tell no one told him about, it looks like he has more family issues incoming

anyway this man needs a nap so goddamn badly. not only is he traumatized to hell and back he literally looks like a drowned kitten for more than half of his screentime. even when he's smiling it's either sad or in two seconds it crumbles into a sad expression. for most of season one he's on the verge of tears and for the parts of season two he isn't whammied, particularly the first few episodes, he looks like he's about to have a panic attack for WAY too much of his screen time. please give him some rest, a hug, please give him a nap, man has been through so much and is visibly exhausted, we literally see him not sleeping when he should be or staying up all night multiple times, he's both so sleepy and so exhausted & tired, PLEASE LET HIM HAVE A NAP, PLEASE

[silentfcknhill]

AtLA + LoK Villains Evilness Rating

(If you wanna dispute my ratings I’ll be happy to tell you why.)

ATLA:

Ty Lee - 0.5 /10

Cinnamon roll. Too pure for this world. Naïve and will put her faith in you 100%. Kind of ditzy but can take you down with no hard feelings. Needs to be liked by everyone. Is very flexible. Can strangle you with her legs and giggle while doing it. Chooses bad friends. Has frustratingly good luck. 

Uncle Iroh- 1/10

Actual angel but could still open up a can of whoop-ass if necessary. Too supportive and forgiving. Loves tea, sitting around, speaking in proverbs and leading by example. Probably considers you a friend. Surprisingly powerful but mostly peaceful. Hard to provoke but if you do, just run. Fear the nice ones. 

Jet- 3/10

Misguided and extreme but also traumatized. Don't get in his way. Kind of twisted and obsessive af. Ends justify the means, until they don't. Needs a proper role model and has potential. Can be unreasonable and is still kind of a jerk. Will gaslight you. 

Prince Zuko- 3.5/10

Conflicted, violent and angsty but mostly needs a lot of reassurance. Has a major boner for his honor. Will freak out over nothing. Has been through a lot and will not be underestimated. Grumpy and willful af and won't listen to you until it's too late, then will blame you for misleading him. 

June- 4/10 

Might beat you up or kidnap you for money but it's nothing personal. Might insult you as a way of flirting. Looks pretty and delicate but don't be fooled. Can beat you up in a split second and not break a sweat. Will probably take all your stuff and never give it back. Lives for the tough girl aesthetic. 

Mai- 5/10

Is just bored and over it all. Throwing knives is something to do. Apathetic and will probably just follow along with whatever including murder but will complain the entire time. Emo af. Would risk it all for a quick nap. Prone to bite your head off. Too smart for you and will let you know. 

Wan Shi Tong- 6.5/10

A total dick. Tired of your shit and is judging you. Thinks humans are garbage and won't get involved with them until it suits him. Don't touch his books or he will literally eat you. Nerdiest bastard. Doesn't trust you so don't try any shit with him. Sees through your pathetic lies. Kind of an elitist.

Combustion Man- 7/10 

Thinks blowing shit up is a form of art. Doesn't believe in communication. Very serious and focused. Do not fight him. Probably gets crapped on more than he deserves. A mystery wrapped in a bald head. Probably has a tattoo of the names of all the people he's killed and he's ready to add yours. 

Hama- 7.5/10

Traumatized old hag. Created bloodbending but too crazy to do much with it now. May kidnap you and keep you in a dank hole forever. Seems sweet at first but is hiding a lot of secrets. Don't eat her cooking. Thinks sitting at home scheming is a job. Hates you for whatever small thing you did to her 57 years ago. Forgets nothing. 

Long Feng- 8/10

Conniving af. Will brainwash you, lie to your face and maybe make you disappear. Wants everything and will plot to take it all. Perfectionist and control freak, will stab you in the back and you won't see it coming. Is tired of taking everyone's shit. Thinks he deserves better but he doesn't. Kills children. 

Admiral Zhao- 8/10 

Explosive temper. Huge egomaniac and narcissist. Hates the moon. Has probably killed a lot of people and fish and you're next. Will do whatever it takes. Won't listen to anything you say. Punch first, ask questions never. Jumps to a lot of conclusions, is usually wrong. Frequently embarrasses self. 

Koh the Face-Stealer- 8.5/10 

Terrifying and will probably steal your face. Do not approach. Too indifferent to chase you but can be sneaky af so watch your back. Doesn't handle emotions well. A total loner. The guy who knows everything but nobody wants to talk to. Fear him. To know him is to hate him. Makes you question everything. 

Firelord Azulon- 9/10 

Will order your execution on a whim and maybe a relative or two first for the appetizer. Do not question him. Will play favorites and call you out on things that are his fault. Overreacts and you should probably not be around when it happens. Disapproves of all your choices and is very vocal about this fact. Forces parents to kill their children. 

Firelord Sozin- 9/10

Will commit genocide and take over the world while yelling at you for minor shit. Kind of a petty and jealous asshole. Even if you think he is your friend he isn't and is going to attack you. A big old bully with bad breath and a wonky beard. The original starter of all drama and certified instigator shitlord. 

Princess Azula- 9/10 

Unstable and manipulative. Sadist who thrives off of your fear and suffering. Will hurt you badly in all the ways. Avoid at all costs. Acts cold and calculating but really has no chill. Demands your respect but won't earn it. Trolling you gives her pleasure. The spawn of satan and loving it. Mommy issues to infinity. 

Firelord Ozai- 9.5/10

Second worst dad ever. No soul. Will burn every tree and face to a crisp. Child abuse for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Actual sociopath. Will kill someone and banish you for it. Goatee comes first. Will project all his insecurities on you. Will tell everyone your secrets. World's biggest megalomaniac. 

LOK: 

Varrick- 3/10

Will probably lie, try to con you out of money, order you to do things for him and tell bad jokes but that's as far as it's gonna go. Eccentric and annoying af. Doesn't know when to shut up. Needs to learn some lessons in life. Attracts more trouble than he's worth. Has all the good gossip somehow. 

Bataar Jr.- 3/10

The guy that nobody likes because he tries too hard and ends up ruining everything. Enjoys being a bitch. Wants to rebel but is bad at it. Do you love me now father? Tries to act like he doesn't care what you think but cares way too much. Will not kill you but might get engaged to your ex to spite you. 

Police Chief Saikhan- 3.5/10 

Will do anything you say for a price, except give a fuck. Doesn't really care about anything. Might arrest you just because he doesn't like you. The type to pretend he didn't hear you just to avoid responsibility. Likes to yell into things. Hates helping people. Is actually a giant rock in disguise. 

Tahno- 3.5/10 

A total prick. Has nicer hair than you and won't let you forget it. Very flamboyant and arrogant. Will gloat over being better than you at everything even though he cheated every time. Talks mad shit but can't walk the walk. Ultimately a big baby. Lowkey protect him. Wants to be the cool kid but isn't cool. 

Desna- 4/10

Couldn't care less. Actual inanimate object. Lurks around for no reason. Hates everything and that includes you. Listens to his elders and would probably leave you for dead. Just wants to sleep. Secretly goth. Might actually be two small robots in a trenchcoat pretending to be human. 

Councilman Tarrlok- 4.5/10

Attention whore with a savior complex. Smol bean who wants approval. Acts arrogant but is secretly depressed and self-loathing af. Stubborn and clingy emotional wreck with impulse control issues. Needs a hug. Will probably manipulate you through guilt or charisma. Wants to be Lucius Malfoy, but cries at night. 

Hiroshi Sato- 5/10

Has lost sight of what's important. Total extremist. Will get revenge on you for something you didn't even do. Well respected and seems innocent but is plotting your downfall. Can build a whole army and take you down. Kind of a traitor. Loyalty is volatile. Thinks he always knows what's best for you but doesn't know shit. 

The Lieutenant- 5/10

In way over his head. Wants to make a difference but has let bitterness take over. Will probably electrocute you. Puts his faith in the wrong people. Kind of snobby and will hold a grudge. 99 problems and benders are about 98 of them. Tired of being pushed around but still lets himself be pushed around. FLOPPY MUSTACHE. 

Aiwei- 5.5/10 

Thinks he's better than you and probably isn't. Wants to be sneaky but really is just too predictable. Boring af and tries to be unique but fails miserably. Lets everyone take advantage of him. Don't lie to him. Will harbor resentment and take it out on you at a random point in time. Discount Long Feng but not as smart or ambitious. 

Eska- 5.5/10

Will stalk you aggressively. Thinks slavery is a relationship. Eyeliner sharp enough to kill. Never betray her or she will destroy you. Might use you as a footstool. Seems emotionally dead inside, but don't test her dormant waters. Uses everyone and feels no guilt. Hipster trash. No concept of boundaries or social interaction. 

Ghazan- 6/10

Sarcasm game strong enough to fatally wound you. Doesn't say much. Has tree trunks for limbs and will probably use them to throw lava and rocks at you. Lowkey protective af. Don't get on his bad side. You can't get on his good side. Would rather kill everyone including himself than let you win an argument. 

Zaheer- 6/10

A wannabe hippie but will still fight the system and you too. Don't try to control him. Gets annoyed when people breathe too loud. Is kind of a contradiction. Will literally blow you away. Anarchy equals freedom. Fuck the police. Can sit in the same spot for a really long time. Probably a flat earther. 

Ming-Hua- 7/10

Has a significant disability but can still easily slaughter you. Innovative and sneaky af. As fast and agile as an actual lemur. A natural disaster wherever she goes. Doesn't listen to your advice. Overcompensates a lot. Probably her own worst enemy. Is quiet and likes to eavesdrop on your business. 

Kuvira- 7.5/10 

Wants to control everything. Who invited her to poop the party? Highkey evil and just plain mean. Will use your corpse as a decoration if you get in her way. Secretly petty and superficial af. Thinks social bonding is trying to seduce you in order to take charge of your life. Individuality punishable by death. Even other villains hate her. 

P'Li- 7.5/10

Can explode you with her mind. Her gaze will pierce you to the core. Strong independent and violent woman who don't need a man but chooses to have one anyway. Will shave you off just like the sides of her hair. Has no problem fucking shit up. Boss bitch. Loyal to only a select few, so too bad for you. 

Amon- 8/10

Charismatic but scary and mysterious af. Huge hypocrite. Will silently judge you. Powerful, selfish and cruel. Manipulative as hell and uses intimidation to get you to comply. Pretends to have empathy but really just wants control. Will cripple you physically and emotionally without warning. Knows all of your weaknesses but none of his own. 

Earth Queen Hou-Ting- 8.5/10 

The actual worst. Eats your pets for supper. Her yelling is the #1 cause of deafness worldwide. Will keep you prisoner and then have you killed for looking at her. The bossiest Drama Queen ever. Will be the cause of all your misery and will be proud of it. Bark is the same as her bite. Lots of daddy issues. 

Chief Unalaq- 9/10 

Religious extremist. Actually batshit insane. Wants to destroy the entire world. Has ascended from this pathetic plane of human existence. Loner whose only friends are invisible. Wants you to think he's just shy and misunderstood but NOPE. Knows what you want to hear and says it. Will sell you to satan for one cornchip. 

Yakone- 9.5/10

Worst dad ever. Will either bloodbend you, try to live vicariously through you or both. Absolutely no redeeming traits except for being physically human. Abuse equals tough love. Might beat your ass for no good reason and expect your gratitude for it. Criminal mastermind with no conscience and all of the entitlement. 

Vaatu- 10/10

Actually the devil. Literal incarnation of darkness and chaos. Ultimate troll and force of disaster in the world. Doesn't know any better, but still an asshole by choice. Will use you until you're no longer of value. Has a hard-on for destruction. Likes to play the victim. Will consume your soul and burp loudly.

[aceofwhump]

Okay so I got back into my Supergirl binge, just finished season 3, and I HAVE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. So buckle up cause I'm just gonna put this all under post. There’s a lot here. It's really random and incoherent and long so I'm putting it under a read more.

If you’ve been with me a while you know I can get....passionate about characters I love so this probably won’t be anything new lol. For all you newcomers this is a good time to warn you that I can get long winded in my outpouring of affection for certain whumpees.

Also, spoiler alert I guess if you haven't watched. And if you are a Mon-El hater reading this please don’t interact. I won’t put up with that bullshit. This is positive Mon-El post cause I LOVE MON-EL SO MUCH

TW: discussions of child abuse, emotional and physical

First of all, you guys remember me posting about how much I loved Mon-El and how I had thoughts on how I wanted him whumped? I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED!!!! God he got whumped so good!! The gunshot! The Medusa virus!! The emotional angst! The stuff with Rhea!! The lead poisoning!! Him having to leave! HEARTBREAKING! WONDERFUL! I LOVE IT!! I NEED MORE!! He whumps so so good!! And there's still soooooo many ways I'd love to see but probably won't get to. Ugh so many opportunities and ideas I'd love to explore.

Secondly, I have feelings about Mon-El and Rhea and Daxam in general. 

Oooh boy do I have feelings. OH MY GOD the Mon-El angst that can/does come out of it all is so fucking delicious!

Rhea is one abusive, manipulative BITCH and I feel so bad for Mon-El! I can only imagine the things he went through a child if she is doing this shit to him as an adult. In the show we’ve seen that Rhea has physically struck him (not only did she slap him across the face but she also punched him so hard in the chest he went flying across the room), locked him up on their ship (and was going to keep him in caged for the next 4 years while she brainwashed him into being the "prince” he used to be), continually emotionally manipulates him, murdered his father and blamed it on him, repeatedly ignores his wishes and words, attacked the people he loves, threatens him, guilt trips him, tried to force him into a marriage using the lives of sick children to manipulate him into it, took locks of his hair without his consent in order to make a progeny with his dna (seriously what the fuck!), invaded his new home with an army, plays on his emotions and love for her as his mother to manipulate him, lies to him, and so much more.

Shes a monster and if she does this shit to him now then you can bet she did this shit when he was growing up. And that hurts me. Thinking about how emotionally and physically abusive Rhea must have been to Mon-El as he grew up in Daxam is heartbreaking

(Also, did Mon-El actually ever learn that his mother murdered his father!? Cause I'd have liked to see Kara tell him and his reaction towards it! He would have been devastated by it. And it would have been really hard for Kara to tell him something like that. Oh man can you imagine the guilt he'd feel over that!? My heart.)

Then there’s everything we learn about Daxam through things Mon-El says and how his parents act and my god if I grew up in that environment i’d be messed up too. I mean he’s canonically said in 2x20 that "we'd drug ourselves, so we literally didn't feel anything" back in Daxam. That’s so fucking heartbreaking! And he says this after he think he sees (he does actually see her but doesn’t believe he did) his mom on the streets and nearly has a fucking panic attack! 

Mon-El: I, um... (SIGHS) I thought I saw my mother last night. I didn't. Don't worry. I went and checked, and my parents' ship definitely had left for Daxam a few weeks ago. But thinking I saw her, it... I thought it would make me feel anger. But I felt, um... Other... Other stuff... I just... I hate... I hate that I still care about her.

Kara: Hey, we can't will ourselves to not feel anything. Life doesn't work like that.

Mon-El: On Daxam, that's exactly what we'd do. We'd drug ourselves, so we literally didn't feel anything.

Kara: You're allowed to miss her. She is your mother.

Mon-El: Well, she's gone forever. So...

AND! And! I was thinking about when Mon-El saw her on the streets and how much it effected him and how much of an emotional roller coaster that was for him. From the fear of seeing her again to realizing that he still loves her despite everything she’s done and it’s so heartbreaking seeing how much he doesn’t want to feel anything towards her but he does and it hurts him. God fuck Daxam and fuck Rhea. I’m glad he got out of that crap planet and into an environment where he can grow and heal.

Third: Mon-El has been through so much and I really really want to see someone talk to him about it and see him breakdown and someone hug him dammit!

Let’s take a look at everything Mon-El has been through for a second. I mean he witnesses the destruction of Daxam and is forced into an escape pod and is sent into space before he can even think anything. He crash lands on an unknown planet, is in a coma for a while, wakes up panicked and confused with a Kryptonian over him and for him no time has past since he escaped Daxam and he doesn’t know his people are dead so he runs and tries to get home. He’s in unknown territory and he’s in distress and gets caught by Kara who hates him because hes from Daxam and she knocks him and locks him up. So he’s confused and being confronted by a Kryptonian with a clear prejudice against him and then he learns HIS PEOPLE AND PLANET ARE DEAD and he is a refugee now and jeezus that must have been really hard to hear! But no time to process that I guess cause now you have to learn to navigate a strange world but oh you can't leave this facility yet cause we don't trust you. So here live in this random corner of this room. Who needs it to feel homey. Then he gets kidnapped by an evil organization while trying to help someone and gets shot in the leg. Then he gets infected with a virus and nearly dies. All the while he's hiding the fact that he's the prince of Daxam because he’s afraid if Kara finds out she'll hate him again like when they first met (I mean she flat out said at one point that she didn’t want to go on a date with him because of the way he is/who he is) and you know what HE WAS RIGHT! Doesn’t matter that he's trying to change or that his identity would have been a bad thing to blurt out to a Kryptonian. Kara breaks up with him and let's be real who can he go to to talk about this? No one. Cause they'd all take Kara's side. He maybe could go to Winn but not really. Things get better eventually and then his fucking parents show up and he’s back in that emotionally and physically abusive relationship and he’s trying to be stronger and better and he sacrifices himself over and over for Earth and for Kara. But no matter what he does he'll always be a Daxamite and never really trusted by them and that hurts. Winn (and yes of course Kara) was really the only one to truly care that the lead bomb would kill him too. That hurts me. Also! Also! He saw Rhea that day on the street and can you imagine the emotional tailspin that would have thrown him into!? Can you imagine if you saw you evil abusive mother on the street?

SOMEONE LOVE AND HUG MY SON!!

Wow sorry I got long winded there but god I have FEELS!!!!

Which I guess brings me to my next discussion: My feelings about Mon-El's return and the Legion.

Surprisingly I was not as upset over Mon-El and Saturn Girl (and the subsequent death of my favorite top Karamel cause fuck that hurts guys) as I thought I'd be and it took me a minute to work out why. The reason why is because the Legion are his family. Mon-El found his family and his purpose and he's happy. He lived 7 years in the future where he mourned his home and Kara and he found people who love him and he found purpose. He built a legacy, a family, based on everything Kara had taught him and that's amazing. I never felt like he fit in with the DEO group other than Winn and Kara. Even with Kara he sometimes still didn't feel like he fit. But with Imra and Brainy? It feels different. It feels good. They don’t see him as an untrustworthy Daxamite like the others did. To the Legion he’s just Mon-El. From the way he interacts with both Imra and Brainy and the quick lines he throws out about their lives in the future you can feel how different it is for him. They love him, they trust him. He called Brainy his best friend! It feels happy and they feel close just like a family. And I'm so so happy that its Winn who ends up going with him back to the future cause not only did Mon-El deserve to have his best friend back but Winn deserved that adventure and it makes me so damn happy.

I was really sad when he left again and really sad that he and Kara weren’t going to be together but it’s okay because he’s happy! Look at how much Mon-El has grown! He’s a true hero! He’s brave and smart and selfless and strong and I couldn’t be more proud of him. Being back was really hard for him but he tried to not hurt Kara and in the end he made the best decision for both of them. I’m so proud of him.

I wish so desperately that I could get a whole fanfic or series or even just tons of headcanons about his time forming and fighting with the Legion cause I want to see that family grow. That's a team I can get behind. I want to see everything that Mon-El went through from the time he landed in the future for the first time to him waking up in 3x07. I want to see how he adjusts and who he meets and see him slowly start fighting and finding others to fight with him cause Kara taught him to help people so he'll help people while he's stick here. I want to see him learn how to fight, him learning his cape tricks, getting his supersuit, fighting with the Legionnaires. But I also want to see him slowly lose hope of every returning home of ever seeing Kara again and how that affects him and hopefully see the rest of the Legion help him through that. To see that family begin to grow. To see him slowly accept that he won't ever see his home or Kara ever again. To see him reluctantly fall in love again. To see him accept his fate and make a home in the 31st century. To protect it and fight for it and his new family. To begin to feel happy and content in the future and finally feel at ease with his life again after years of closing himself of from others too afraid to lose them and hurt again. I want to see all of this. I also want to see what they're like now that Winn has joined them and how much fun those two have together in the future. How do the Legionnaires feel about losing Brainy? How do they feel about Winn? How do they bond?

One final thought. Less about Mon-El and more about the fandom.

You guys warned me about the hate he gets but oh my god I did not expect to see hatred in such a level as I did when I ventured into the tag looking for gifs. Jeezus fuck. I don't understand it. I do not understand how anyone could hate that adorable space puppy. Mon-El worked so hard to unlearn all of the bad things he's been taught since birth and is instead learning from Kara how to be a hero. And he does! He learns and grows and it's amazing and I'm so proud of him! He becomes a caring and supportive and loving boyfriend and is well on the way to being a real hero! He stands up against his evil abusive mother and turns away his people and fights for Kara and for Earth. I'm proud of him. Yes he makes mistakes but he recognizes it and tries really hard to learn from them and do better! How can you hate him with such vehemence!? How!? I've seen less hated towards actual villains! Villains who murder with glee and without remorse! Villains whose backstory is nothing than "I want to". But Mon-El is the one to get hated on? And for those fans to not just attack Mon-El going as far as to call him abusive (the fuck?) but to go after other fans who like him and ship Karamel? To go after Chris Wood himself?! The vitriol I've seen spouted is horrifying. I thought the hate I got for being a Grant Ward or a Roger Mackenzie fan was bad. And it was/is but this is....wow. Just wow. I'll never understand it.

I love Mon-El greatly. He's such a complex character. I love watching people grow and learn and his character development is a gift to watch. Seeing him go from the playboy asshole he started as to the caring and brave hero he is now is wonderful to watch. And I love him and Kara. You can see the love between Chris and Melissa every second the two of them on screen together and it warms my heart that they found each other, that after everything Melissa went through she found her happiness with Chris. And you can see that happiness with Kara and Mon-El. They were so cute and loving and so full of light. I love them and will continue to support and love Karamel forever.

[theskyexists]

she-ra 4

the reason i stopped watching she-ra is the same reason i stopped watching the dragon prince.

the narrative doesn’t take the situation seriously. instead of leaning into the anguish of war and violence (atla, teen titans) - they make light of it. EVEN when the characters’ guardians are KILLED!!

when Angella died and they spent 2 seconds on Glimmer’s grief at the end of season 3 i was like......actually fuck this. HOW can i take any of these stakes seriously when they insist on brushing them off???

anyway just had to complain about that - especially because the start of the first ep of 4 is them joking AGAIN about something as grim as Glimmer now carrying all the responsibilities of her mother - who may i remind you IS DEAD

but catradora became canon apparently so now i have to struggle through

her aunt, her mother’s sister, is fuckin, joking about cakes, her friends are laughing at the joke. COME ON! how goddamn unrealistic and insensitive. EVEN if they wanna make a point of it - it’s silly! because the narrative PARTICIPATES in making light of the situation. if it was just the characters it would be less jarring

‘we’ll make sure this day is perfect’  WHAT? how could it EVER BE IF HER MOTHER IS FUCKING DEAD????????? AND THAT”S THE ONLY REASON SHE’S QUEEN????? ‘must be hard’ YEAH IT’S HARD - IN FACT IMPOSSIBLE. instead of pretending to be happy maybe you can show some genuine sensitivity. these people are so crazily emotionally underdeveloped my god. what age are they supposed to be? 16? 17? The problem that She-ra has (just like the dragon prince) is that there are no relevant adults. Oh sure there’s a Queen, and some Soldiers, and a Sorceress. But there isn’t a single relevant competent adult around who is concerned with running a bureaucracy or the emotional stability of children

I do like how Catra has overcome her fear of Hordak. but i think i remember being fuckin furious at her for almost destroying the whole world and hurting Scorpia and betraying Entrapta just to spite Adora. vaguely.

the rebellions problem is that they’re all extremely stupid himbos. like literally, in the whole story, only catra and shadowweaver have any smarts, while glimmer gains the ability to think during full moons on wednesdays. meanwhile everybodys is a slave to their emotions - which destroys any brain cells that shadowweaver or catra (or angella or anyone) might have managed. they could literally have killed hordak the entire time but just let him order them around because they’re so hot for acknowledgement

I’m glad Glimmer reflects my frustrations now hahahahaah

‘everyone is already acting like she doesn’t matter’  - yeah dudes, you fucking insensitive bastards

‘im supposed to take care of you glimmer’ - but unfortunately i have the emotional intelligence of a crab! FUCK!

this is another thing about this show that makes me groan. sappy quick resolutions of emotional turmoil through re-affirming the fuckin power of friendship in the first episode of the season.

also couldn’t Adora have done this she-ra stuff from the very beginning

that was badass.....miss glimmer’s other hair though. ok the emotions at that hologram and statue though...

the coolest part of she-ra for me is finding out more how the ancient systems all fit into Etheria and the She-Ras and Hordak Prime etc.

THIS IS A GOOD SPEECH. love this badass.

love Hordak getting put in his place. Love Catra realising she has power - love Hordak reaping what he sows. its unfortunate that she’s a shitty brat who JUST can’t get over her inferiority complex

if i could endlessly teleport i would do what glimmer does

also, glimmer was willing to fuckin murder catra before and she DEFINITELY will be now lol. love that for her.

why did they only introduce adora learning to transform her sword NOW ahahaha, theyve had SO MANY SCENES in which she doesnt have it and then suddenly does - and then its gone again

scorpia is the funniest and most likeable person in the whole show

they really suddenly can’t take five people on with she ra and fuckin huntara on their side??

i remember that little sadistic righteous twist in my stomach when Adora finally was like: FUCK!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Catra!!!!!!! and the stupid idiot got it

FINALLY A GLANCE AT THE PEOPLE OF ETHERIA AGAIN! i love the party sequences in this!!! the people of etheria are so beautiful! nobody ever comments on the main characters all looking plain human in contrast....

‘and i fell for it!’  yeah cos you DUMB AS BRICKS ADORA

so first they quietly take out the guards....and then literally break open the door hahaahahahahaaha

‘we forgot the bots regenerate’ - yeah cos you DUMB AS BRICKS ADORA

i just dont understand why they insist on making the main characters so DUMB ahahahahaah

Adora and Catra are great at hitting where it hurts. the difference between them is that Catra KNOWS that she’s hurting Adora - she does it deliberately.

wow that could be some pretty angsty stuff constantly leaving her to struggle on the floor while painfully electrocuted. Catra has also moved to kill Adora straight up so many times. im sure she really wants to (but it would destroy her later). But now, Adora swept something at Catra that might have actually killed her. I get Catra though, I would’t want to get beaten by some blonde, blue-eyed, glowing golden kid who always gets to win and do better. this is truly the first time Adora has moved to kill Catra......

does flatterina not have parents who’d be like: uhhhhh maybe leave the soldiering for a couple more years?

catra truly burning all her bridges. hahaha. it’s so satisfying to see her use her anger and power to truly destroy herself - because of guilt!

no other villagers were like - HMMMMMMM this random new kid is here? weird..... i didnt see that coming either.

Adora doesn’t think about what Catra might have even been doing there - cos she’s DUMB AS BRICKS

the interesting thing about this show is that they’re setting up a dichotomy. they’re treating war like a high-stakes game because they have the good side adhere to an aesthetic of ....magic. they will not make the two sides equivalent in any way - which makes questions of morality moot. the show is purely an emotional drama. the horde is an army of brainwashed kids in an industrial wasteland - they fight with tech and guns. but the good guys cannot fight with an army or tech, they fight with cleverness and magic. they’re called the ‘rebellion’ - they HAVE to be underdogs because they have to follow the script of good - even though what’s really going on is war, not a rebellion. That’s why they have a single strike team that do ‘missions’. They are presented as FUNDAMENTALLY different - on the level of identity which they cannot change lest they destroy themselves - and in that way the good guys can never become the bad guys. it is ALMOST meta. think they’re gonna do something with that at one point. i hope

also Netossa has such a super cool design.

‘everyone knows you’re needed in bright moon’ - uh. really? i dont know. some random person i’ve never seen before demands you go to meetings. so? is that important? why?

spinerella can literally FLY???????? why has she been in the background this whole time??? hahahaha military inefficiency.

there was an explosion that ripped trees apart - but bo’s alive!! honesty why didn’t they try explosive suicide bots before. they’re very lucky he was still alive to heal

‘could they be tracking she-ra?’ WHAT? isn’t the obvious suggestion - A SPY???? they just assume that the general is right hahahahaa.

i love how double trouble is so meta.

actually, why wasn’t glimmer trained as a sorcerer anyway?

glimmer is upset about her growing magic plants but not her having magic ingredients

why do they present good strategic thinking (for once) as evil influence from shadowweaver

what a fuckin badass. honestly - glad that this show finally utilised glimmer’s extremely op powers like they should be. honestly, she’s much more powerful than She-Ra.

that bit with spinerella was so contrived jfc.

‘by using me as a decoy’ adora says, pissed off. uhhhh YOU went off on your own to get smushed by fuckin bots adora. Glimmer didn’t do that to you. she just used your stupidity.

glimmer really left catra to die. hahahahaa

i like adora best when she’s on her own and being a dork

they definitely managed to foreshadow that Light Hope was evil but im glad they picked up the thread now

am i seeing this wrong or did scorpia have two mums??? but also. where the fuck are they

lolololololol because everybodys dumb as bricks and emotionally volatile they’re incredibly easy to manipulate

‘i cant risk hitting flatterina’ pffft - ALL YOUR ARROWS ARE NON-LETHAL BO. ugh i cant deal with these contrived stakes

I LOVE THIS BADASS EFFICIENT HARDCORE GLIMMER

they’re really gonna spin it like this is a bad development? fuck off. finally some grit.

‘you took things way too far’ - but she got results! dumb as bricks adora

(this may seem harsh but adora is DUMB shes so fucking DUMB!!!! and she has many good qualities (such as an almost innate sense of morality) but goddamn. i guess its good to sometimes have a show about all around dumb characters. i mean, it’s not unrealistic per se, it’s just.....weird.)

the interesting thing about these characters is that you can SEE every single one of them struggling with cognitive dissonance. thats the big story of this show. they see the world a certain way - and then when something challenges that, they fight to the death to destroy or deny or ignore that new information - to everybody’s detriment. and they can’t back down because every step they’ve taken - would turn to sins they can’t live with. it’s interesting and its also a kind of conflict that‘s frustrating if not resolved at SOME point. thats why i love this season for its characters going off the rails. adora aiming to kill catra, catra destroying her last relationships, glimmer growing more and more militant.

they’re all acting like teens - that  is - highly volatile - unable to keep from provoking others or be provoked - but they ARE teens.

‘catra doesn’t care. she’ll hurt people to get her way (implied: EVEN people on her side)’ - we must remember that Scorpia was entirely fine with KILLING the trio (it was Catra that wasn’t at the time).

‘you’re a bad friend’ OH OUCH. Catra - who’s always been treated as a whipping girl by those in power - does the same to those she is in power over. But on some level she doesn’t WANT to be that. she’s just always always been rejected and take advantage of and lashed out at and abandoned by the people she considered important (shadowweaver ---- doing the same to catra that was done to her is so goddamn....it’s the story of this show. the simplicity and banality of damaging and hurting others and that carrying over to harm even more people - is the story of this show and it’s immeasurably frustrating and REALISTIC)

she still flinches at Hordak’s lashing out. but she imprints on him the exact lesson she’s trying to school herself in. If you don’t need anybody - you don’t want anyone - if nobody matters but the mission and winning - then you can’t be hurt. she wants to prove her worth - but she doesn’t realise that inherently means that she’s putting somebody in power over her - again and again and again.

mermista coming  in clutch with the braincells: there’s a spy! I love how this is played as completely implausible and just Mermista nonsense (who i love learning about) - while it’s so obviously true/

i actually love Adora when she’s being serious and heroic, or a huge dork. and she has the wit to RECOGNISE good ideas. but i just don’t understand why Adora is being big b about being used as a distraction. like....why?

i love that the underside of Mermista’s sneaker has a figure. but why the fuck is a common soldier with them (flatterina) and do they really think they can interrogate the whole castle filled with some shitty guards and...what - the guerilla troops they sometimes employ? where do they even live? ah in a tent city. ok

why is the GENERAL in front line combat WITHOUT SOLDIERS???? oh wait. glimmer did that too when she was general. lolololol

i understand why Adora doesn’t trust Shadowweaver and doesn’t want her around most of all - and Glimmer getting buddy buddy with her is hurtful. but...it’s not helpful to needle glimmer about it. but dismissing the guards around shadowweaver however? stupid of Glimmer. unnecessary. ‘what has she done but help us?’ - uhhhh she kidnapped you, corrupted your powers, almost wiped Adora’s mind. I wish Adora had summed up those things instead of leaving them implied.

so perfuma and mermista come across inconsistencies in the stories - but then. forget about it? i just...... UGGHGHGHGHGHGHGH. people really aren’t this dumb are they? they’re just NOT.

‘no more secrets and doing things without us’ - that was a good speech. but like, glimmer is right - she’s surrounded by INCOMPETENT IDIOTS lolololol. but good leadership is corralling idiots, Glimmer. not going off on your own. but she’s already planted the bait about the dining room.

‘we were the only ones who knew about the plan to take back dril’ ---- THEN WHY DID YOU INTERROGATE OTHER PEOPLE AHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHA

‘stop questioning my choices, stop whining about being a decoy’ YEAH FUCKIN HELL ADORA STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING SHIT. IS THIS REALLY ‘TAKING CARE OF GLIMMER’????

‘all you do is question my authority, it’s exhausting.’ yeah god...it really is. adora needs to fucking BACK! OFF! but im loving these fights because it brings out the grievances. Adora is right to be worried about Glimmer no longer including her in her decisions. and she makes a good point that that’s bad. She makes a good point that Shadowweaver cannot be trusted. And Glimmer makes zero good points - except that it’s been hard for her and has garnered 0.1% understanding from the people around her. Oh they were working together. BUT those were definitely real grievances.

GLIMMER CAN ALREADY DO A CONTAINMENT SPELL LIKE THAT??? godDAMN. castapella completely flunked her responsibilities to Glimmer but shadowweaver did NOT.

hmmm so Solinius was....destroyed. but like, did the people die? like....the people? that’s the important bit isn’t it? i mean, they were under the sea right?

i suppose the problem i also have is that this show will NOT hurry up. normally i love filler stuff but ...the characters are too.....cheery. too flat. their quirks are fun and funny until they’re literally character flaws.

are the horde just literally attacking civilians? jezus. the war crimes. how did shadowweaver ever expect to trick Adora when she was released into the field?

‘you can’t just keep going off on your own!’ - SHE LITERALLY SAVED THE WHOLE FUCKING TOWN. SHE’S THE QUEEN! EVERYBODY SHOULD LISTEN TO HER! lolololol

the problem with Adora’s points is that everything about their dynamics are always so nebulous. why cant glimmer keep showing up to help out? WHY??? she’s the most capable fucking soldier in the field! she’s supposed to have full fucking authority! like, Adora isn’t in the right here. the problem is that her needling is only a symptom of her worries - which is that Glimmer doesn’t trust her any more. but the needling does NOTHING but make her seem like an idiot

i do love this trope reversal here - Seahawk deliberately damselling them to let the princesses save the boys? pffft

love catra getting the consequences for her actions regarding Scorpia. You can’t keep lashing out at people and expect them to stay my dear cat.....

oooohhh Glimmer.... you’re treading close to very hurtful territory. Blaming Adora for the Rebellion failing? for things she couldn’t do anything about? stupid.

really?? you’re really gonna fucking fight-resolution BLOCK ME? are you FUCKING kidding me? edging me for the whole GODDAMN SEASON??? and finally Adora cries at Glimmer going over the line????  fuckin I HATE the narrative decisions in this stupid show I FUCKING HATE THEM FUCK THESE WRITERS GOD FUKCING DAMMIT!!! this has been the whole GODDAMN SHOW!!!!!! ARGHGHGHGHGHGH

i’ve been waiting for a fucking resolution for Adora and Catra the whole! goddamn! SHOW! NOTHING! else matters! you do the exact same for glimmer and adora and now you let it fester again??? because of some no-stakes BULLSHIT? just give me the fucking godddamn PAYOFF for watching these kids be IDIOTS.

this fight on the boat is COOL and really wonderfully animated

really? Glimmer’s response to Adora being hurt and not wanting to be TOUCHED is to be angry herself? what a fucking IDIOT. god i can’t stand this. I CAN’T STAND IT

is this how people act? do they never take a moment to breathe and think and reflect and realise their priorities and take a step back and fucking apologise?

jezus FUCKING! CHRIST!

‘no matter what glimmer thinks of me’ oh that HURTED. oh damn. that’s so relatable. it’s a way to run, it’s a way to internalise the hurt and then prove the things that hurt wrong. the one that hurt you

I know Bo is supposed to be the emotionally intelligent one but he’s also too soft. He should go up to his friends individually and ask them the sharp questions. not - ‘communicate more positively’.

I just like Adora so much better when she’s alone. Her friendships’ positive moments are always so sappy or so....like over-exaggerated, the negative moments always so fucking annoying. Alone, Adora is generally driven, tragic, and cool. the problem is perhaps that i don’t care for the constant fucking drama

god i LOVE Mara so much - she’s so beautiful. and i LOVE learning more about the Old Ones. So they were trying to study Ehteria’s magic.... but then Bright Moon and the princesses were already here. The Magic-Like systems of the Old Ones are pure tech.

wow! even Mara’s transformation is way cooler.

so why was the first one’s tech (she ra) responsive to the magic? why does Raz know about She-Ra? when she ra is first ones tech????

WAIT ONE SECOND. She-Ra is ‘magic’ ??? it’s the SWORD that’s the first one’s tech! She-Ra is Etheria’s magic ! but how if the First Ones chose Mara. Did they steal She-Ra from Etheria?

so what im getting is that. the Old Ones colonised Etheria. Etheria has magic, and when Mara was chosen they made that girl an elite soldier - giving her a first one’s tech sword so she could ‘control’ Etheria’s magic. Then Mara was told to study the magic of Etheria - the ship implying that she’d not been on the planet before. then they created a Heart of Etheria project - which will probably turn the magic into a weapon. this was going to be used against Hordak Prime, im sure. I mean, Mara saved Etheria, but she did doom the rest of the universe to...extinction.... like, judging from Hordak’s strategy, Hordak Prime just literally exterminates planets and repopulates them with his clones....

But why would the planet choose a girl from amongst the colonisers - twice?

OOOHHH that anguished scream. i love anguished screams

why dont they put fucking safety belts in these ships. it’s not like the ship didn’t survive. only Mara got splatted (i guess)

also i love Mara. but damn Adora just got some more shit on her plate. why the fuck was she pushed through a portal again? for a She-Ra chain reaction?

I love madame Raz.

So they didn’t explicitly use it against Hordak Prime. and it wouldn’t have destroyed Etheria back then but it will now...

guh this showmakes it so hard to enjoy catra’s pain.

well they did finally have a good talk about it. I have to say, Glimmer is making good strategic sense - it’s just that this show only rewards harebrained schemes

Catra having a crazy panic attack cos she can’t find Scorpia and she’s completely lost and she knows its her fault. kinda love that for her. my heart

my dear Glimmer, theres a difference between absence of trust and absence of agreement.

they’re bringing king micah back just when angella is dead? oh fuckin lol

the horde....exiled micah? they exiled Micah instead of killing him???

why do they ALWAYS interrupt important conversations? i hate that shit. it’s cheap. it’s unsatisfying.

now THIS is what im here for - that unstoppable WILL!! john gonzalez is right - we watch stories for characters overcomign obstacles. writing, is creating the obstacle course. .....what does that say about me and my life....hmmm.

‘light hope told me everything i need to know’ - uhhh no she didn’t. she didn’t tell you how to harness the energy at all. ugh

how the fuck did double trouble escape. seems to me that they didn’t actually. they were let go....

it’s always so stupid when people try to tell other people: oh no you’ve got no plan - this is too risky! when that’s NEVER a problem

Glimmer is going to activate the weapon just in time for Hordak Prime to use it. And naturally she misses the return of her dad. fuck this

they’re gonna have Hordak and Catra fight? hmm

Double Trouble is right - this IS good for her - and it IS Catra - except for Shadowweaver’s case - she was an abusive bitch

I love Scorpia’s new cool fight music and also glowy eyes

is glimmer going to throw herself into lava??

the unfortunate thing is that Hordak Prime is right on the doorstep and he took over the whole universe or whatever. so they could probably have used that weapon. i mean the Old Ones must have seen something coming. there must be a reason they’re all GONE maybe????

why did Adora assume that all those stars would be destroyed?

THE ANIMATION ON THAT FINAL STUFF WAS INCREDIBLE AND EPIC

how the fukc are they going to beat Horde Prime lolololol.

i guess Glimmer really shouldn’t have done that. but at least she was in time to bond with Catra.

[into-control]

submission:

for the anon asking about conversion therapy

The conversion therapy I went to was different from others, I think, because it was linked to a private boarding school. It was divided into 2 age groups. 11-15 years and 16-19 years. I was in the latter group. There weren’t many of us in that age group. Less than 30, for sure.

Idk what it was like for the younger age group. I’m assuming they were less harsh on them and were less detailed and explicit about sexual things to them than they were with us.

They would mention sexual things a lot to us. That’s a big thing that was focused on.

A married couple were the ones running it all. The husband focused on the boys, and the wife focused on the girls.

The husband wasn’t as bad as the wife. He was less harsh and a bit softer. But the wife was seriously disturbed. Evil is the worst that comes to mind, but maybe that’s being too harsh. I can almost forgive the husband, but the wife, I still extremely resent to this day. She was fucked up.

For the most part, it wasn’t physically abusive. They’d hit the boys occasionally, and the girls would get slapped on the arm or the back sometimes, but that was it.

There was a lot of religious preaching.

There were a lot of sexual talks. The husband was too embarrassed to talk to the girls about that, so the wife would do that.

She would go on about how heterosexual sex is normal, natural, and beautiful, and that it’s for the man’s pleasure and that women need to do it, even if they don’t want to. “Your husband owns your body and has the right to do whatever he wants to it”.

There was a lot of brainwashing. They would tell the guys that, even though they think that they’re not attracted to women, their bodies are attracted and will react to women. And with the girls, they’d say it’s impossible for two women to have sex and that women aren’t even supposed to want sex as it’s only for procreation and male pleasure.

If we ever thought something gay, we would have to snap a rubber band on our wrist. We also had to mark every gay thought we had on a diagram of a tree. Every leaf represented a gay thought.

If we were ever seen showing affection to someone of the same gender, we would get screamed at like we’d committed murder. We weren’t allowed to hug each other, hold hands, sit too close to each other, etc.

The wife would tell us that just because being gay is being normalised in society, that does not make it okay, and that we’re disgusting.

They would show us videos and tell stories about situations where people “became straight”, and they’d tell us things to scare us. Like, they’d say that most lesbian relationships are abusive, and they’d say that most gay men are gonna die of AIDs.

One thing that made me really angry just because of the sheer hypocrisy of it is that they would encourage the boys to  watch porn of a single woman alone in their free time. That’s supposed to be a sin too, but I guess for them, anything was better than being gay.

Of course, they wouldn’t encourage the girls to do that because girls were told they had to be “pure” until marriage because men don’t want “used goods”.

The wife would ask us really invasive, personal questions about our sexual attractions.

That’s one thing I really hated. She never once even mentioned falling in love with the same gender. It was always just her acting like we’re all sexually-obsessed perverts who want to fuck every girl in existence.

The level of sexism was disgusting. The wife was much more sexist than the man. She was an actual misogynist. She would always talk about how much she hated women. She seemed to think she was one of the only decent women in the world.

The boys would be allowed to play football during breaks, but the girls would have to stay inside and talk because “it’s not feminine” for women to play sports.

The wife would tell us stuff like, “If your husband hits you, it’s your fault for making him angry, and you probably deserve it”, “you have to obey everything your husband says”, “a woman’s only purpose in life is to serve her husband and bear his children”.

Other stupid, sexist rules. The girls weren’t allowed to wear trousers. We had to wear skirts or dresses. She told us lesbianism is only a thing because society encourages women to behave like men. And she said men aren’t attracted to women anymore because “women have started dressing like men”.

They were also really invasive about things like body hair. They would do checks to make sure that the boys weren’t shaving their armpits, legs, or arms because it was considered feminine. And the girls had to shave all their body hair, but she only checked our legs and arms.

The husband had some kind of sympathy for us at least, but the wife hated us. She would constantly insult us and call us disgusting, freaks, homosexuals, lesbians, f*gs, etc.

Oh, I just remembered something so stupid she said that it’s almost funny. She said that, in hetero sex, the woman shouldn’t ever be on top because that can cause the man and woman to become gay because the man is in the woman’s position (submissive), and the woman is in the man’s position (dominant). So fucking stupid, lol. She must think half the straight couples out there are gay then, following that logic.

I can’t emphasize how horrible the wife was. I have no idea how she can claim to be a religious woman when she was practically the devil incarnate. I hate her so much, but I feel guilty for hating her. She would try to emotionally manipulate us into believing that she cared about us and only wanted to help us.

One of the boys was on the autism spectrum, and she’d always call him a “r*tard”, “disabled”, and she’d call him a liar and say he was faking it for attention.

She was a really unkind person. She would constantly mock us and try to humiliate us. She was very sarcastic too.

The husband would try to get her to stop being so harsh.

I swear, with the way she used to speak to us, it was like we were the worst people in the world. She made me feel like I’d committed murder or something. Like I was dirt under her shoe and worthless. She was really, really, really horrible.

It definitely had a really big impact on us. Some of the girls would self-harm. Another girl tried to overdose on tablets, but she survived and got kicked out after that. They called her attention-seeking.

One of the girls ended up running away from the place. She climbed over this fence right at the back of the outside area where the boys would play football and never came back.

I hated myself so much. I literally wanted to die most of the time that I was there. I think I might have had depression. I was there for a year and a half.

The place shut down years ago. The whole thing caused a bit of a scandal in my city at the time. The woman actually had the nerve to contact me and try to ask me to defend the place against the accusations.

She really managed to brainwash some of those girls though. Some of them are married to men now.

To summarise, it was the worst experience of my entire life, and it fucked me up. I would cry almost every day, and then there was this period of a few months where I actually physically couldn’t cry. Like, I’d feel sad and try to force tears, but I couldn’t cry. I don’t know why.

It’s taken me years to recover, but I still have a lot of internalised homophobia deep down. And I still haven’t fully forgiven my dad for forcing me to go there.

And I’m actually still anxious every time I go outside because I’m worried that I’ll bump into that demon woman. After I finished the conversion therapy, I kept having this recurring dream for a few months where I was running and trying to hide, and she was chasing me.

I’m a calm person, but I end up freaking out if anyone says something that reminds me of something she said to me. Like one time, someone made a joke about beating gay people up, and I FREAKED. I lost control of my emotions and ended up yelling at them and then sobbing. I’m never like that usually.

I still can’t bring myself to date a girl, even though it’s been years. I feel too ashamed, like I’m doing something wrong.

That woman is easily one of the worst people I have ever met in my entire life.

I hope she realises what a cruel, stupid, toxic person she is one day, and I hope she feels extremely guilty and ashamed like she made us feel constantly. And I hope she cries about it like she made us cry. But in the end, I hope she changes and becomes a good person. I would try to forgive her if she did.

Anyway, I’m getting kinda emotional, but to summarise, anon, PLEASE do not go to conversion therapy. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. It DOESN’T work. I’m still gay. All it did was make us miserable and make us hate ourselves. And the stuff that they tell you really stays in your mind, and it’s very hard to clear your mind of it completely.

[placesthatchangedpeople]

A former resident about Eating Recovery Center

Hi! I'm new here. I've procrastinated for ages wrt joining reddit because I generally don't like it very much, but some communities speak to me. This is one of them.

The place I was sent to wasn't as bad as some of what I see here, I think because it was (purportedly) single-issue, rather than "treating" all kinds of teen trouble. They were hand in hand with wilderness camps and boarding schools, though. Their marketing directors - the people who gussy up the website and advertise their 97% parent satisfaction rate - were trained by, and have past experience at, CRC Health. They run Aspen education programs, and a whole bunch of other ones. They regularly sent kids off to wilderness camps or schools after they finished with ERC. It was like the "next step".

The place that I was was called Eating Recovery Center (ERC) and it's located in Denver, CO, although they have off-shoot locations in Texas, California, and more. They do have an adult treatment center as well, but I believe it is less abusive.

The child and adolescent inpatient and residential facility is awful, but incredibly popular. They've spread to something like ten states, luring families in with their garbage website. The whole thing is written like "Parents, you're so stressed, and it's because your child is a Gigantic Problem. We know how hard it is to have horrible kids. Please, send them to us, and we'll rehabilitate them while you get to relax and connect with the fun parts of life, which you haven't been able to do with your lil problem child over here." It's marketing genius. Whenever a kid says "hey, this is abusive", not only do they say that the kid is a dirty liar who just wants to leave, they actually say that this is proof that it's working. Like, "Your child has been taken prisoner by their Evil Disorder. As we cure your child from the Disorder, the Disorder gets scared and lashes out. Your true child is waiting underneath, and they're very excited to be healing. The more that your child fights our program, the closer to recovery they are. Claiming that we are abusive is, in fact, a sign of recovery." That's a summary, but you get the gist. It's like a god damned exorcism.

I was a patient there in 2013, in September. I wasn't there for long, because I made a fuss about their abuse, and I was 18 and they knew they couldn't fully shut me up, so they transferred me to a lower level of care. They did, however, convince my parents (who, to their credit, were just desperate and didn't want me to die; they've since acknowledged that they fucked up) that if I signed myself out of treatment, I should not be allowed home, and should be left to live on the street. The idea, I think, was that this would "shock" me into getting better. Yet they (the RTC staff) also told me that they didn't care if I was any better when I left so long as I followed their rules in the meantime. But, details. So.

They were emotionally and psychologically abusive, as well as neglectful and I'd say perhaps physically. Psychiatrically, too. The shittiest thing they did, in my opinion, was lock my twelve year old friend in isolation for 14 hours as punishment for exercising (I do not know how much she'd been exercising, but since this place considers standing up from a seated position to be 'excessive movement', it was probably nothing - standing up without permission was considered an infraction). She wasn't allowed so much as access to a bathroom, and wound up defecating on herself. Staff didn't see this as a problem. They told her it was her fault, and that she needed to make better choices.

The threat of isolation as a punishment for ignoring behavior warnings (three "redirections" and you're punished) was always there, and this room was called the "quiet room", if I remember correctly. During my stay there, there was one patient who was eleven years old and had some sort of developmental disability, and they kept him in isolation for what I think was days. I remember that he regularly wound up in there and that we could often hear him crying and screaming. How therapeutic /s

Patients were given NG (nasal gastric) tubes if they refused a meal. I had an NG tube put in, which didn't bother me very much, but it made my nose run like no other and made it really hard to swallow solid food. It wouldn't stop dripping during nighttime snack, but we weren't allowed Kleenex or napkins. I asked a staff member for a napkin due to literally not being able to stop the deluge of snot from my nostrils, right, and she kept refusing and said she wouldn't help me until I finished my snack. I kept asking and eventually, she gave me a really bitchy look and threw the napkins at my face. This isn't particularly abusive, I think, because napkins don't hurt, but that's just not the kind of behavior that should be shown by somebody working in a treatment facility. The staff would regularly scream at kids who didn't finish snacks or meals.

I, along with several of the kids, regularly didn't finish meals. And by regularly, I mean over the course of my first day or two, so not much of a precident, imo. This issue was brought up after dinner, when the group gathered for a post-meal check-in. Patients were encouraged to name the patients who were not finishing meals, explain how said patient was bothersome to them, and then the staff would shame the patients who were named, and ask the other patients to help come up with an appropriate "response" (punishment). The staff decided that we should be made to sit at a separate table, in a separate room, during meal times, and not be permitted to speak to each other, nor communicate in any other way. If we made prolonged eye contact or started giggling, we were reprimanded. Talking at meal times was one of the ways that patients coped with having to eat large meals, and it kept morale up, and they took it away as a punishment. It certainly doesn't make anyone eat better. When we had downtime, we were closely monitored so that we never discussed our grievances re: the program, with each other. We managed to anyway, by whispering and speaking as quickly as possible, by writing notes which we then had to dispose of (since they went through all of our belongings and journals, and withheld these things whenever they arbitrarily deemed them inappropriate - my journal was confiscated because I wasn't displaying the proper mindset). But staff were always looming, and it was stressful.

I don't remember exactly, but I'm pretty sure that I wasn't allowed contact with my parents for the first three days of my stay. I could be conflating it with some other hospital or center, but I don't think so. All parents of patients were encouraged to stay in the Denver area for as long as possible, and my parents rented a condo (while also forking out some $30,000 per month) and came in for family therapy a couple of times a week. Family therapy consisted of my "therapist" (she was licensed, but I've no clue how) encouraging my parents to complain about me, and when I said that I didn't like something my parents had done, she just said, "well, I don't think they're doing that. That's not what I see at all. Maybe you should change your behavior/perception/etc." She gave me these ridiculous assignments a few times each week, and I never completed them, because they were stupid and I was on Mission: Get Myself Kicked Out of Here, but I found the way she handled this to be a red flag. She was /so/ disappointed that I hadn't done the assignments, and looked at me all sad, and said "[name], that hurts me. It hurts me when you ignore these things that I've worked so hard on for you. I want to help you. This is hurtful, can you see that?" The fact that she was so manipulative without a single qualm really worries me, because the majority of the patients were younger and less defiant than I was, and bought into all of the brainwashing and manipulation that these people touted.

The majority of them came from abusive homes, but the RTC's whole philosophy is that mental illness treatment has been centered on parental flaws for too long, that parents are perfect, and that kids are bitchy little problems for no good reason. This is a tempting philosophy both for parents like mine who aren't abusive and don't want to be told that they are, and for abusive parents who want to be validated and excused.

Everyone there was deprived of sleep (I used to fall asleep on the concrete floors), water (only one cup with meals), and the right to use the bathroom when we needed to. Staff actually bragged about having had patients pee on the floor before, like this was some kind of accomplishment, not letting children pee.

The psychiatrists would keep children on medications that the children complained about, things that didn't help, and I was personally fine with my meds but I had friends who were being kept on awful medications. They eventually just started doing that thing where they move the pills to that little pocket between their teeth and cheek, swallow the water, pass the "swallowed pills" check, and then spit them out.

Somehow, at one point, the staff got it into their heads that I wasn't changing my underwear every day. I have no clue how this happened, but they implemented a policy where I had to show them my clothes each day so that they could "make sure" I was changing all of them. Like, what? That doesn't even make sense to me, because wtf, but it was just really degrading. This might be slightly TMI, but when I was on my period (and I have endometriosis, so it's really heavy and makes me nearly pass out/vomit when I'm not on 'round the clock birth control), they still wouldn't let me use the bathroom except on Their Schedule. I had to beg to be allowed to use it, and they got so mad at me. Like, sorry? I can't actually do anything about this?? That was really degrading too. As if I wanted to tell a whole bunch of hostile, abusive near-strangers that I'd bled through my clothes again, damn.

I don't remember ever having a phone call. I saw my parents on weekends for an hour, but there wasn't much communication. When they kicked me out of residential and put me in partial hospitalization (a ten-hour-a-day every day outpatient program in a nearby building, also run by them - it was a "step down" thing), they told my parents to never let me have my cell phone for longer than thirty minutes, and to watch me (and its screen) the entire time I had it. To go through all of my electronics and journals to make sure I was Doing It Right. They told my parents that withholding everything I enjoy until I recovered was completely reasonable, and that it was okay (even good) to kick me out on to the street if I was noncompliant. Hilariously, I'd nearly been sold into sex trafficking not two months before I went to ERC, when I was 17, and I'm like, y'all, if you'd kicked me out I'm absolutely sure I would have been trafficked for real. Like, damn, talk about a bad idea. The whole reason I developed the eating disorder, self harm, suicidal behavior etc was because I was sexually abused as a kid, but we weren't ever allowed to discuss anything of any real import in therapy groups, and anyway, I was just A Problem Child, not traumatized /s

To this day, I still can't handle the word "manipulative". I use it very occasionally myself, but for the most part, seeing it used to describe anyone just makes me bristle. Even genuinely manipulative people. I just can't handle it. I was branded as manipulative so many times just for hurting and wanting real help.

I know that most other patients there went through worse things than I did, but I don't know the extent at all. It seemed like the younger the kid, the worse the abuse. Some of the young kids were able to quickly adapt and become The Perfect Patient, but those who didn't, got it bad.

I'm glad that I was relatively lucky (a three month stay, a somewhat less abusive center, being older). But all of these places just piss me off so much. The general public knows nothing about it. I've lurked on this subreddit before and finally decided to bite the bullet and post on it. I know my RTC experience wasn't anywhere close to as bad as it gets, but it still screwed me up for a long time. Luckily, I'm 100% mentally healthy and happy these days, but it took a lot of work and was only ever made worse by ERC and abusive therapists like them.