#when my life turned to shambles he was my rock

[sunkisskim]

if there's one thing that I can say for certainty, if I don't have anyone else I'll have my dad always ☹️ and if I could say a perfect representation of our relationship it's almost like Eminem with his daughter.

he had me listen to a few of Eminem's new songs and to say I bawled like a baby would be an understatement. I love my dad sm ☹️💔

[chrisbesitos]

chris holding younger reader in his arms as she cry’s after reading more of her hate comments

“I j-just tried to post a video of my baking and I’m being hated on!” You say in shambles as Chris coos

she is beauty we are world class.

"Shhh, don't care about them." Chris whispered in her ear, Y/N was on his lap with her head on the crook of Chris' neck and the boy was caressing her back. Her tears wet the fabric of Chris' shirt, but he doesn't care.

"They hate me for no reason, Chris!" She said in the middle of her sobs, she sniffed and turned back to cry. Chris sighed, he tried to delete some comments, but she already had read them. He always tries to protect her from this.

He hates how people are mean to her for no reason, even more when it comes from people who watch his videos with his brothers. Y/N just posted a silly and cute video of her baking, Chris helped her with all the stuff, she was really excited, but the haters destroy everything.

"I want to delete the video, please."

"Why? It was so good, you did it so well, doll." Chris pulled her shoulder gently, he cleaned the tears on her cheeks with his thumbs. Even though she's upset, Y/N looked cute with her little button nose red. Chris kissed him. "I know the comments are bad, but you can't give up because of them, hm? None of them are true, not even a little bit."

"But why do they always say mean things about me?" She looked at him with her doe glassy eyes.

"Because they just want to put you down. They're not happy with their own life and need to get you upset to feel better with themselves." Chris said gently, he smiled at her and gave a kiss on her forehead. "I'm sorry for this, I really do, doll."

"It's not your fault, baby." Y/N closed her eyes, feeling the boy lips against her forehead. "I'm just too sensitive."

"No, you're not." Chris embraced her shoulders with his arms, pulling her to his chest. Y/N rested her head there and the boy massaged her scalp. "Hate to see you cry about this fucking assholes."

Chris stayed with Y/N on his lap until she calmed down, he kept rocking her body and giving her kisses. Y/N gave up the idea of deleting the video and Chris deleted all the bad comments about her, blocking the accounts too. After all this, Chris and Y/N move towards the kitchen for baking brownies, because this would make Y/N feel better and Chris would do everything to make his girlfriend feel better.

i was fucking drowsy when i wrote this, i hope it's good

Tags: @lizzymacdonald06 @deliciousluminaryanchor @lushjunkie @sweetreliever @watercolorskyy @ivysturnss @brianna-grace12 @blahbel668

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[quilna]

Since it's the final day, here's my full collection of drawings for Lodgetember

Day 27: AU With a hybrid au including Magpie Archer and Bear Bird

Day 30: Monsters Featuring Ghost Maijabi, Zombie Tanis, and Imp Sinnett

Day 6: Ships Featuring Doddle x Mosley (Or Rock Candy)

Day 18: Pets Featuring two of Jasper's little creatures

Day 21: Experiments With doodles of Jasper doing some experiments in wolf form

(Zombie Tanis and Ghost Maijabi have been placed under the read more for some zombie-typical gore)

Tanis looks a bit like a salesman to me so I can't help imagining zombie Tanis' head animatedly talking a mile a minute while his body shambles around like a regular zombie. It's a super friendly and helpful head and he is eager to sell you his array of zombie repellents and zombie reanimating materials for all your potential zombie needs.

As for more information about other stuff, for the Hybrid au, Archer is a magpie hybrid, Bird is a bear hybrid, and hybrids tend to go through their life normally until they manifest their traits one day very suddenly. This is usually young but stress can make someone manifest much later than they should have. Manifesting is also a very difficult and painful time where every animal instinct the hybrid has is turned to full.

Archer was living on the streets just doing his best to survive when he manifested. Bloody and weak from growing literal wings, he crawls in through one of the windows in the society and, in a haze of instincts, starts collecting up all the shiny things he can find

Until Bird walks in and finds him

Archer is, of course, very wary at first, both out of a mistrust for strangers and the fact that Bird is a bear so all his instincts are screaming "Predator" at him but Bird and the society slowly gain his trust and help teach him about what he is

[cheriladycl01]

Pub Crawl - Kevin Magnussen x MalteseOlympicLacrosse! Reader

Plot: Having attended university in the UK and becoming a professional at Lacrosse meant you often stayed in the UK but what happens when your offered the opportunity to compete for your country in the Olympics!

You and Kevin were used to the constant travelling. You travelled as much as you physically could with Kevin. You would train with your team during the week and then get a late night flight to whoever he was in the world late night on the Friday to try and get to him by Qualifying on the Saturday.

However, the last few weeks had been shambles, you’d been in a National match in the UK, seeing your teammates and training more after finding out you’d gotten a place in the Olympics on their Lacrosse Team for your home country Malta.

“Girls?” You say reading the letter with a shocked expression on your face.

“What, oh! That’s your Olympic letter!” One of your team mates from your English team squeals.

“I- I got in!” You cheer celebrating! You rushed all the way home thrusting the letter in Kevin’s face.

“Baby look! I’m going to the Olympics” you say before he even has a chance to read the letter.

“Oh my gosh, that’s incredible” he says lifting you up and placing a light kiss in your forehead before keeping you in his warm embrace rocking you side to side.

Then it was the British Grand Prix that you’d been able to go to from the Thursday to Sunday as you were already in the UK from your previous tournament.

It was a nice change for Kevin to have you their to support him for the whole weekend and it was nice to have him with you for your tournament, being that it was in a Tuesday.

“Ah don’t you just love the atmosphere of Silverstone, there’s only a few races I think beat this for the vibe” you smile leaning on the out wall, taking in the rare summer sun that had graced the track.

“Mmmm it’s definitely one of my favourites” he smiles. Kevin had been having a difficult season despite Haas actually doing pretty well thanks to Nico.

“I know it’s been a difficult season and I know they’ve confirmed that you aren’t … coming back to Haas but there’s other options right?” You smile encouragingly. He just shakes his head.

“I think … I think I’m ready to go. I want to focus on what’s important to me” he says reaching out for your hand and pulling it into his lap.

“Wait, really? Your retiring?” You ask and he nods.

“There’s so many things I want to start in life with you. Like a family … and I want to be there full time for it. It doesn’t mean I won’t ever race again but I definitely need a break”

You can’t help but just pull him into a hug.

“I want all of that too”

After the British GP, it was the Euros. Originally you were supposed to go with Lando, as you both had been invited by the English Team however all of your friends were watching on from a pub in the UK.

So you and Kevin stayed watching England vs Spain from a busy pub in the UK. Kevin loved pubs in the UK which ended up turning into your friends taking you guys on a massive pub crawl across London and drinking England’s loss to Spain.

Needless to say, you and Kevin had an incredible night but regretted it the next morning when you both woke up in your friends apartment hungover.

After that it was the Hungarian Grand Prix where you didn’t attend because you were off training in Malta with your team and making funny TikTok’s with your team gear.

You started training with your team, and you hadn’t spoken to Kevin in person in what seemed like ages where Spa was right after Hungary.

“Hey baby I miss you” you’d said to him on the phone that he was very close to.

“I know baby and I’ll be back in France soon! It’s not that far a drive from Belgium” he told you with a smile on his face.

Then a knock sounds from your hotel room door.

“Gimme one second, I think one of the girls is at my door” you say before running to open the door.

“KEV!” You screech dropping your phone and jumping into his arms.

“Hello Elskede” he smiles and you look shocked.

“W-what are you doing here?” You ask in shock.

“You don’t think I’d miss your first game do you?” He asks in a teasing tone and you pull him into a kiss.

“Thank you! I love you so much” you smile.

y/user

Liked by kevinmagnussen and haasf1team

y/user: It’s been a dream of mine to compete for my country since I was a little kid. Thank you Olympics2024 and Team Malta for giving me a shot on your Lacrosse Team 🇲🇹 🥍 🥇

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fan1: what a summer, we get the Euros, the Olympics and all these F1 races.

kevinmagnussen: I’m so proud of you. TEAM MALTA 🇲🇹

-> y/user: Thank you my love 🫶🏼❤️

haasf1team: Let’s go Y/N, sibt dan! 🇲🇹🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

-> Thank you! Well done on an incredible season so far! 🇺🇸

fan2: I cannot wait to see her compete! Going for Gold ⭐️

Instagram Story Caption:

Cheeky Stop in London before Paris begins 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿⚽️

Taglist:

@littlebitchsposts @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @daemyratwst @lauralarsen @the-untamed-soul @thewulf @itsjustkhaos @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @summissss @gulphulp @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhhhh @georgeparisole @youcannotcancelquidditch @tallbrownhairsarcastic @ourteenagetragedy @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @dark-night-sky-99 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @laneyspaulding19 @malynn @viennakarma @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @tinydeskwriter @ironmaiden1313 @splaterparty0-0 @formula1mount

[mrfeenysmustache]

The Moon Turns the Tide

Chapter 3

Based on @crescent-dreams SessKag fest day 3prompt: Mountain

Summary: After a stroke of bad fortune, Kagome’s life is uprooted.

She is moved into an unfamiliar community where she expects life will be very different- and much more miserable- than she’d hoped. But luck, she’s learned, can turn on a dime.

Also read on: AO3

————————————————————

One day, while hiding from the chores her mother liked to make her do to keep her “grounded and humble,” Kagome found herself in her father’s personal office.

In there, he kept his account books for the estate, things he’d picked up on his travels, old, antique maps, and an assortment of books on interests too niche to keep in the main library that anyone could access.

She was not often allowed in his office, and never when he wasn’t already in there himself, as there were far too many priceless and important things to risk to a child’s clumsiness, but since she was often a very well behaved girl, she knew this was the last place they would look.

So slowly and quietly, she’d crept up to the large wooden desk on the far wall and climbed up up up into the tall, leather chair.

In the middle of the desk sat a stack of new books. New books always started in her father’s office. He read them first and then decided where they needed to go.

It looked like finally, for once, she would get to see them first.

She pulled the first one off the top and looked at the gold, embossed lettering scrolled across the deep, leather cover.

Mountain Climbing Adventures

Tilting her head in curiosity, she opened it somewhere in the middle, flipping quickly passed several pages of endless words until she found an illustration.

A man, hanging off the side of a mountain by a rope tied around his waist.

“Oh my…” she whispered to herself, turning back to the beginning to read from page one.

The idea that anyone would want to climb something so big and tall and treacherous as a mountain amazed and terrified her. She lost herself in harrowing story after harrowing story, falling rocks, fraying ropes and wild animals and all the other misfortunes this man found himself in as he spent his time climbing up to places people probably didn’t have any business going.

And though she was riveted, Kagome decided that mountain climbing was best read about in books.

At least until now.

Her first ball had been a disaster.

City manners were so different from the ones that had gotten her through in the countryside, and she fielded many snide, judgmental looks as she fumbled her way through the night.

She didn’t eat right, sip right, stand right, wave her fan right and the dances they did were entirely unknown to her.

The second ball had not been better.

The third had been worse.

Now she sat in the carriage on her way to the fourth, wishing she could choose to climb to the tippy top of a high, storm cloaked mountain with a random husband on top if it meant she didn’t have to suffer through another stuffy, snobby ball.

But alas. This was all there was.

——————————

“I’m not going to another one!” She shouted, ripping the feather out of her perfectly coiffed hair and tossing it on the floor. “I’m not going and none of you can make me! I’ll be a seamstress before I try and make these stuck up, pompous, snobbish, self important nobodies like me!”

She was being immature and she knew it. Her mother had done all she could to prepare her in such a short time but it had not been enough and now she was worse off than when she’d first arrived. Her reputation was in shambles as she was seen as a clumsy, bumbling country bumpkin trying to infiltrate their sparkling society, and she’d had enough of trying to play their games and gain any ground.

“Dearest, it wasn’t that bad!” Her mother tried to soothe, but in answer, Kagome ripped a fine, silk glove in her haste to take it off.

“AAAHHGHHH!! You see? I can’t do this! I can’t be one of them! And after spilling red wine all over the host tonight, they certainly won’t let me try anymore.”

“She said it was fine.”

“She was trying to be gracious, but anyone could see the contempt in her eyes. And besides, everyone laughed and gossiped the rest of the night. I don���t even get sympathy dances anymore!”

With a sigh, Kagome’s mother gently pushed her hands away from where they flailed behind her back to lace her dress.

As she helped her undress, she hummed softly under her breath.

Hearing her mother hum or sing had always had an instantly soothing effect on her tempers and nerves. And it worked even now, despite how disastrous the entire evening had been.

“Here’s some good news then,” she said, pushing Kagome’s dress to the floor to work on her undergarments. “We’ll be going in a few days to the mountains. Your aunt’s late husband has a distant relative out there.”

“The mountains?” She asked, and her mother hummed in confirmation.

“Yes, they have a nice cabin in a quiet community. Your aunt pays a visit a few times a year to check on her aging in-laws, and she’s bringing more etiquette books for you to study. So we’ll get out of this stuffy city, breathe some clean air, and come back better than we left. How does that sound?”

“Good,” Kagome said, mind distant as her thoughts began to turn. Etiquette books aside, being anywhere other than where she was sounded like heaven.

But her earlier thoughts about mountains returned, and an uneasy feeling settled into her soul.

[redbullcateringfiction]

Chapter 8 -

Cantata

Arabella is the executive assistant for Mercedes Team Principal Toto Wolff. 10 years into her career, it looks like the tide is changing, and she's beginning to question her relationship with him. Is it something more, or nothing but an idea lingering in her head?

F/M, Fluff, Boss/Employee Relationship, Romance, Pining, Love, Slow Burn

Eight chapter below the cut or click here for AO3

Click here for the previous chapter on Tumblr, and click here for a list of all chapters

(Total: 34872 words thus far)

Where I wander: An opinion by the ‘bitch’

Thursday, March 12th, 2021 6:20 GMT

Author: Arabella Lazaar

Edited by: Jeffrey Martens and Shane Coughlan 

Editor’s note, March 12th, 2021: Arabella Lazaar is the former partner of Irish rock band Four Odd Bottles singer Cathal Lynch. Their 3 year relationship was not public knowledge until October 13th, 2019. 

If I were to recall every moment during our relationship, I would not question where I went wrong. 

Formula 1 is filled with huge personalities and names. There’s no doubt many fans could tell you how they imagine their favorite drivers’ to be, and I can assure you they would be 90% correct. Being in Formula 1 requires being surrounded by glass walls at all times. Your most intimate self is constantly on display. This was something I never enjoyed. Afterall, I suffer from agoraphobia. Seeing into the distance, and seeing the crowds of people is terrifying. I have forced myself to be in these situations. In God’s name, why?

I’ve always loved formula racing, but I never thought I could be an integral part of it. I never had the skills nor talent to be a driver or engineer. I, however, think I have quite the head on my shoulders. Micromanaging people and information became second nature to me. It’s a natural skill that one develops when their anxiety tells them to avoid everyone and everything. So, I saw an opportunity in Formula 1, and put my effort into joining a team. I set aside every fear I have to put my brilliance on the table instead. 

During that process, I learned that if I am constantly moving (as it is a job requirement), and hiding behind those big personalities, those glass walls become a comfort. I could be entirely isolated while surrounded by people, because no one cared about me, really. I could also be socializing with some of my favorite people. Above all else, I serve as an important cog in the well-oiled machine that is Mercedes-AMG. It was the dream I sought out. 

In 2016, I came upon Cathal Lynch, and our romance began to bud. Nothing new. Just another person to hide behind so I could continue to value my loneliness. This is the moment where I went wrong. Cathal had been correct from the beginning: There was no way to keep our relationship secret forever. We had two incredibly different opinions on this. I believed it could be managed for a long time. Until a wedding, at least. Cathal waited just days before asking if he could reveal me to the public. This became a constant item of discussion. In the meantime, every song Cathal released was a reflection of our relationship. The trips to Morocco to visit my extended family, our house in Brackley covered with his white cat’s hair, and of course, my career. Every time a song was written, and released, I would panic. It was all pieces of information that would lead people to me. The glass walls started to show their cracks. 

Then, in 2019, they finally crumbled. I was now a microcelebrity. Yes, I had spoken to a few Formula 1 magazines, but my Instagram had never been on television. This was an entirely new world for me. Cathal did not help me navigate this new world. The strain on our relationship was too large, and Cathal moved out of my home in Brackley just a week before the COVID-19 pandemic hit. This was 2 years ago now. With the collapse of the life I knew, I tried to embrace the disaster. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but when I looked around, all I saw was the shambles. 

Wherever I turned though, Cathal was there. 

And so I wonder, where can I wander? Cathal follows me everywhere. My job is micromanagement, and Cathal’s seems to be micromanaging me. Every song seems to center around some sort of belief I was using him. I will not apologize for something I did not do though. 1 break up album is understandable. 2 break up albums is uncomfortable. 2 albums and 5 singles is a deliberate assault on a person’s life. I don’t know how he walked away from this so hurt, and I would like to apologize. I would also like to never see him again. 

Perhaps, that is what makes me a bitch to him. I am a bitch (as it is a job requirement). I will accept that. I have developed a hardened exterior in no small part due to the previously described situations. I will not accept the assertion that I was nothing more than a woman seeking out fame. I easily could’ve found it in my own job. I chose not to. 

I cannot continue to maintain my isolation though, that much is clear. Cathal hasn’t left me alone for 2 years. An essay won’t stop gossip and an army of fans to spread it. This latest incident is proof by itself. Even had the song not been clearly targeted at me, enough speculation would have led people to believe it was. So, I believe I should address at least one other item:

I choose to own the label of bitch, but no woman should have to make that decision because a man decided to label her as one. In the interest of fairness however, I believe Cathal Lynch should accept the label of ‘misogynist.’ 

As written through correspondence with Arabella Lazaar and Jeffrey Martens. Arabella Lazaar is currently the personal assistant to Mercedes-AMG team principal Torger “Toto” Wolff. Jeffrey Martens is her legal counsel and acquaintance. 

Comments on this piece are unavailable.

~

“Black screens are going up,” I heard over the headset, and immediately took it off. Nothing was going to be happening for a moment.

“Fucking hell,” Toto sighed. “Gearbox issue, we’re not even on the road.” He looked over at me, and I saw a smile creep over his face.

“Let me show you what Bono sent me,” He smirked, raising his eyebrows. He handed over his phone and I saw a tweet.

PopCrave 

Cathal Lynch temporarily banned from Formula 1 races after releasing “Bitch,” and showing up to his ex-girlfriend’s job. Video below.

I looked at the video thumbnail. There he was in his stupid Red Bull shirt, but his hair looked different. He had clearly cut it, and his eyes looked tired. He no longer had the shaggy, boyish look he had when we broke up. Instead, he looked like a real celebrity. I clicked on the video and listened closely.

Cathal was leaving the paddock, and a bunch of media had already surrounded him. “Cathal, Cathal. Why are you leaving the paddock today?” One called out. He stopped and spoke into the camera, as I knew he couldn’t resist. 

“I was apparently ‘banned’ due to some violation. I don’t know what. My team is on it. It’s absurd. I bought my ticket. The song was planned to be released months ago. I apologize though to all the fans who might’ve expected to see me here,” He groaned out an obviously prepared reply. He knew why he had been banned. No way he couldn’t. 

“Cathal, did you see Ariana Lazaar’s response?” Another reporter called out.

“Huh?” He asked walking towards them.

“Did you see Ariana Lazaar’s response?” 

“Arabella? You mean Arabella? And no, what response? She hasn’t said anything,” Cathal answered.

“10 minutes ago on the Guardian,” The reporter explained.

“What? What’d she say?” Cathal asked.

“She called you a misogynist,” He responded. I could see the gears in Cathal’s head turn. “Mr. Lynch, do you have a response? Cathal, do you have a response?”

“That bitch.”

I could hear a collective ‘whoa’ come from the crowd of reporters as Cathal flipped his sunglasses down. The reporters chased him down as he climbed into his car and drove off. I looked up at Toto, and immediately laughed when I saw his huge smirk on his face. 

“Nice response, by the way. PR is absolutely in love,” Toto explained. 

“I…I appreciate that,” I smiled.

“I’m so very serious. I think he just ruined his own career, and you get to keep that pretty smile on your face,” Toto said, before suddenly looking around. “Where’s Netflix?”

“Not here,” I shrugged. 

“They’re not going to put this in, right? No point, right?” He asked. “It’d be weird.”

“If they do, they’re not interviewing me,” I nodded. 

“Where’s Susie? Do you know?” 

“Uh…not sure actually.”

“Let me text her. Keep your ears open on the headset, will you?” Toto asked, stepping away from the computers.

“Will do,” I nodded, putting the headset back on. It was a series of chaotic conversations between engineers as everyone desperately tried to understand the electrical failure occurring in one of the cars. Less time on the road is less time to practice, and suddenly everyone was moving, calling, chatting, arguing, and complaining. If I took the headset off though, I would find it to be entirely silent. Maybe a door would creak open every now and then followed by pounding footsteps, but otherwise, it could be eerie during a time like this. The only time you’d find this room silent otherwise would be the delayed breaths as we all sat waiting to hear a driver was okay after a crash. 

This was not silent out of fear though, it was silent because a good chunk of the engineers had run off to settle things on the car directly. The others were too busy staring at analytics on their computers. I recall one time when an assistant from Red Bull learned that I sit in the paddock and listen to things on the headset. I told him quite simply that when Toto isn’t here, I’m his boots on the ground for all things administrative. When Toto is here, I’m still his boots on the ground as he literally flies around taking care of everything else. He should have to worry the least about resource management and being sure he’s kept up on everything. I can handle the rest.

Suddenly, I felt a tiny tap on my leg, and looked over to my left and saw Jack.

“Oh, hey, Jack!” I smiled. I saw Susie was standing right behind me, as Toto ran off to handle something. “And Susie.”

“He saw you from across the room and went straight to practically begging to see you,” Susie grinned.

“Yeah? You missed me?” I asked, picking him up and putting him on my lap. “Here, let’s get you a headset. You might be able to hear your dad.”

I grabbed a pair that was too big and nearly falling off his ears. I held it with my hand as he grabbed on to either ear so he could hear.

“Y’know, Toto’s pissed about the car. I think he needed to see Jack to remind himself he can’t break any necks,” Susie nearly whispered. 

“An electrical failure this soon is not exactly a ringing endorsement for the season,” I complained. 

“Yeah and Red Bull is on our ass.”

“Gotta focus on our car first,” I shrugged.

“Hey, I was thinking. It’s been so long since we caught up. Did you want to grab a tea or something when you get a break from the action?” Susie offered. 

“Uh…yeah, yeah. Of course,” I smiled. In a bit of a sad way, one of my only female friends is my boss’s ex-wife. At least they’re best friends, and at least she is just lovely. To be clear, I would choose to have more female friends. It just happens that I work in a female dominated field in a boys’ club. All of my colleagues who I find myself trying to impress and work against, are women. All of my colleagues who I have to work with and build a strong relationship with happen to be men. Except, really, Susie. Maybe a few others here and there, but our relationships just don’t mesh. 

“Too busy?” She asked.

“No, no. I’ll make time. I’ll text you,” I explained. Jack gently pulled the headset off his ears. 

“Bored,” He shrugged.

“That was quick,” I smiled at him. “Well what do you want to do?” 

He shrugged again. 

“Do you wanna watch me mess with…my calendar?” I asked. He nodded, much to my surprise.

“Oh! Alright then,” I responded, and went to my calendar on the computer in front of me. Susie chuckled and sat in the chair next to us. I kept one ear on the headset, the other on Jack and Susie, my eyes on the calendar, one arm around Jack’s back with my cellphone in my hand as I shot off text messages, and the other hand on the computer mouse. This type of multitasking is something they try to train into you during your training. I had been lucky enough to become particularly well versed in it at a young age, helping my parents manage the hotel. Little things here and there. Grabbing the phone while they showed someone around, or playing concierge for the guests. Then, when I came back while getting my training, I actually got the title. The idea of a tiny hotel in Ameland having a concierge was cute enough to bring guests. I mean, the island doesn’t have much, so all I really did was help them manage a little bit of travel to and fro, and tell them where to catch the best views. People still appreciated it…I think.

~

“Isn’t it nice to have the family back together?” My father asked. 

“Yeah, pay no mind to the fact that Chadi has ran off to the nearest bar,” Nour laughed.

“Why is Chadi even here?” Farah asked. “He never shows up. Of course, Arabella offers a ticket to Formula 1 and he decides to show up.”

“I mean, at least he’s here,” I groaned.

“Thank you, Arabella,” My mother nodded.

“Besides, I give you guys tickets all the time. It’s not like this was the only time and Chadi used me or something.”

“Yeah, because Chadi would never do that,” Farah laughed.

“What are you talking about, Farah? Do you suddenly know him better than the rest of us?” Nour asked, leaning in. 

“No, but I know our parents better than the rest of you.”

“Oh, listen to the favorite babble on,” Chadi slurred, suddenly appearing at the table. He pulled out the chair directly next to Farah, and smirked.

“Sorry, I tried to tell him to go back to his hotel since he’s drunk but he wouldn’t have it,” Mehdi spoke from the doorway. As the newest addition to the family, why did anyone allow him to play bouncer? 

“Why are you still here?” Chadi asked. 

“Well, I am married to Nour. I know you missed the wedding, but what? Are you such a drunk you can’t remember that?”

“Shut the fuck up, with all due respect, Mehdi,” Nour groaned. “It’s not your job to keep anyone in or out of the family despite what Farah may have told you.”

“Everyone, shut up!” My father shouted. “Chadi, we love you. but you can’t show up drunk and argue with your sister.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did everyone miss what she said about me?”

“No we heard it,” I complained, rubbing my temple. 

“Then you should say to your favorite daughter to keep her mouth shut sometimes!” Chadi shouted at our parents.

“Favorites? We don’t play favorites,” Our mom spoke, softly. 

“Raise your hand if you went to boarding school,” Chadi smirked. Nour and I raised our hands with Chadi.

“The favorite child gets the stellar education of Burgemeester Waldaschool? Meanwhile, the only one of us who is rich went to Saint-Denis and played squash because she was anxious.”

“Only one of us? I’m sorry, are you in my pocketbook, Farah?” Nour asked. “Your husband is a brain surgeon, fuckhead.”

“Watch your mouth,” My father warned.

“Stop fucking critiquing us and get on this one,” Nour answered, pointing at Farah.

“Farah, be nice,” My mother sighed.

“Be nice? That’s it?” Nour asked. “C’mon, you’ve got something better than that in there/”

“Leave mom alone, Nour,” Farah argued. “She hasn’t done anything.”

“Actually, our parents have done everything,” Chadi slurred. “When you think about it.”

“What the fuck are you even talking about, you fucking drunk?” Farah interrogated.

“I think what Chadi is saying-” Nour began.

“I can speak for myself, fuckhead,” Chadi interrupted. “They chose you to be the favorite, me to be the prodigal son that has yet to return, and Nour to be the envious older brother. And Arabella to be the anxious one who sits there twisting her fucking hair and not saying shit.”

I slowly took my hands out of my hair. I mean, yeah, he was right.

“Why are you mad at Arabella? She is literally just sitting there,” Nour asked.

“Because she’s literally just sitting there. She’s not saying anything of value and just watching this thing go down,” Farah groaned. Farah turned to me, eyebrow raised, and hair falling out of her bun. Chadi turned to me, with his body clearly wanting to slump over. Then Nour, the most cleancut one at the table, turned to me with a slightly crazed look in his eyes, like he smelled blood and was ready to go after it. Then my parents. My mother and father both turned to me, instead of speaking up and trying to solve this problem. 

“Listen, everyone needs to shut up. I brought you all here. You didn’t have to come, any of you. You chose to. Farah, just accept the fact that you’re the favorite. Our parents can barely admit it because it’s true. I’m sure you went through shit too though, I guess. Chadi, you’re drunk. Go back to the hotel, and just fucking sleep it off. And Nour, stop just fueling drama because you want to see the family blow up. And mom, and dad. At least realize that Farah is your favorite. Maybe if you admitted it, all of us would calm down or something. And I will keep playing negotiator since that’s all you guys want from me. But everyone, otherwise, shut the fuck up. Actually, y’know what. I don’t care. I’m leaving,” I complained. I stood up and left the table. No one came after me. Why would they? They were probably too self-absorbed to have even heard what I said.

~

“We’ve had Bottas on the road for 5 or so laps right now. We don’t have a lot of time left in the morning session,” Someone called from the radio. 

“How many laps can we get in?” Toto asked.

“Maybe 10? 15 total?” A response rang out.

“We’ll take it. It’s day one, he needs to be on the road,” Toto groaned. Toto turned to me and rolled his eyes. “Well, at least he’ll have those. He’s going to absolutely have my ass later.”

“He’ll learn to live with it,” I shrugged. 

“It would be better for him to learn to live with Max and Charles.”

“Speaking of Charles,” I gestured towards the screens. “Car’s down.”

“Well…and there it goes. Red flag. Alright…6 laps from Bottas?” Toto shrugged. “Pfft. This is just uber good, yeah?”

“I’m going for lunch in a few,” I sighed, taking off the headset.

“You’re going to be in the garage for the afternoon session then?” Toto asked, tapping my shoulder so I could turn around to face him. 

“Nope, my weekend is in the motorhome.”

Toto raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, I’ll be back, but I’m talking shit with Bono when I get back,” I sighed. Bono looked up from his place to the left of Toto and raised an eyebrow.

“Who are we talking shit about?” He asked, putting down his papers. 

“Toto,” I whispered.

“Alright, you two,” Toto chuckled. “But before you go, Arabella. Give me something to distract myself for a moment. What do you want for your anniversary?”

“A pen would actually be nice,” I sighed, taking out my phone and scrolling. 

“Still on about a pen. Anything else?” Toto groaned.

“There are good pens, Toto,” Bono nodded. I suddenly realized I had way too many notifications for me to continue comfortably looking at my phone. Even if just to make myself look busy.

“A fountain pen?” Toto asked.

“Oh, I would never use a fountain pen,” I sighed.

Toto threw his hands up. “Then what good of a gift is it?”

“I mean, she writes a lot,” Bono shrugged.

“She writes a lot. No worries, Arabella. I’ll make sure you get a pen. It will be the best gift you’ve ever gotten," he winked. For a moment, for that moment, everything was about what he had just said. Of course, our relationship is professional. At best, friendly. However, it would be irresponsible for me not to admit though that a part of my cold exterior could be melted away by the simple gesture of someone wanting to do something nice for me. Was that just part of my seemingly growing crush on him? I don’t think it matters. What it really says though is how desperate I am for someone to care about me. 

“You see how her eyes just lit up? I think she really does want a pen,” Bono laughed. 

“Maybe,” I cringed at myself. I could just imagine my doe eyed look for a few seconds. Toto just smirked though, implying that at the least, he didn’t notice the ‘desperate’ part of my expression. 

~

“Yeah, uh…do you have a recommendation?” The security guard sighed, looking me up and down. 

“Yeah, uh…Lewis Hamilton?” I mocked.

“The attitude is not cute on you,” He responded, looking through the list. “Well, just because you’re on the list, doesn’t mean you get to come in.”

“Then what’s the point of your list?” I groaned. 

“Do you think you’re Grace Kelly?”

“Do you think you’re the secret service?”

“I am,” He sighed, quickly flashing his ID. Oh…

“Alright, Schatzi,” I heard from behind me, as an arm wrapped around my shoulders. “I thought you’d already be on this boat, huh?”

“Yeah, I did too, Toto,” I sighed, looking at him. First kiss, second kiss. Just a brief touch on each cheek. The security guard looked at me in the eyes, and then back at Toto, before stepping aside to let us in. Toto let go of me, slipping into the crowd, as I began to follow him. Right before I did though, the security guard grabbed my arm.

“Now I have to know…who are you?” He asked.

“His assistant,” I shrugged. The security guard watched as I slipped into the crowd, but not quite disappearing before I blew a raspberry at him. I’m childish…but who cares at this particular moment. I’m on a billionaire’s super yacht, at the request of the best F1 driver in the world and another billionaire, and within my sight right now is Prince Albert. I took my fingers through my hair. I straightened it for the first time in a very long time. I stepped further into the party. It's hard to feel comfortable when surrounded by people like this, but nevertheless, I couldn’t help but savor the moment a little bit.

My anxiety was creeping up though. I could feel it. I quickly moved towards one of the servers and grabbed a glass of champagne, and chugged it. I grabbed another before they even moved away. I refuse to not enjoy myself, no matter how much alcohol it takes. The good thing about being unrecognizable is that no one is really desperate to talk to me. So, I can float through the party like a ghost…wait…why did I come then?

“Hey, Arabella!” I heard from deep in the crowd in front of me. The British accent and ability to remain soft spoken while yelling was impossible not to recognize. I pushed through the crowd, following the hand waving to me.

“Oh, hey!” I smiled. Lewis gave me a nod, and smiled. 

“I swore to God, I saw your boyfriend floating around here,” Lewis said, looking around.

“Are you sure it wasn’t Lewis Capaldi?” I asked.

“Oh, you know…it might’ve been. They do look alike, don’t they?” He sighed. “Is Cathal here?”

“In Monaco? Yeah. Here at the party? Likely not. We try to split up our engagements. Avoiding speculation and all that.”

“Ah, yeah. Not fun dating celebrities, is it?”.

“I mean…it’s great,” I smiled.

“You don’t have to lie,” Lewis laughed. “But, I’m glad you could come. Sometimes these parties feel a little…weird. It’s like 20 year olds and 50 year olds. Nothing in between. Except us, I guess.”

“Yeah, it's definitely interesting. But this isn’t my first party in Monaco…maybe the most elite one I’ve been to though,” I cringed, looking around.

“Oh, one thing I did want to mention. I am having a less elitist party tomorrow. Less princes, more fun. Bring your swimsuit, bring Cathal, it’ll be great. Less intense at least. I’ll text you the details.”

“Cathal? I don’t know…I…”

“Don’t worry. We know discretion. Despite what it may seem like, there are ways to keep things quiet. Promise,” Lewis winked.

“Thanks,” I smiled. I took a deep breath and looked around the party from my position. “I’m…going to go mingle. I’ll catch up with you when I see you.”

“Got it. See you tomorrow,” Lewis smiled.

I stepped in the direction of the exit. I appreciated Lewis’s offer, and maybe I would go tomorrow. Today though, I just am not sure if this is the environment for me. I can’t say I find this to be particularly comfortable. I’m not famous, and I don’t want to be. I barely got let in the door. I shouldn’t be here. I just shouldn’t-

“Are you leaving already, Arabella?” I heard Toto behind me. 

“Oh…yeah,” I answered, turning around.

“Well, before you go, at least let me introduce you to some people. I was just telling everyone about my amazing assistant, and they were just saying how they have to put a face to the name.”

I walked directly to the right of Toto, and waved to the group of men he was talking to. 2 hours later, I was still on the boat. Sure, I didn’t belong with the celebrities, but maybe that’s not my niche in places like this. But I can definitely play assistant in places like this. And I kind of love it. Sharing stories of messy conversations and quadruple bookings, all while showcasing how damn good I am at managing it? It gets no better.

Tag list: @daddyslittlevillain, @littleheaven

[siremasterlawrence]

Welcome To Court Ben!

Benjamin James is the first boi that I fall fast for deeply in love with him as he heads back to my place pressing his a button in his car keys.

The garage door pops open flipping upward in to the sky as he drove in parking nice and slow his eyes flicker when he thinks of me in bed.

Exiting the car he locks the door closing the garage door he walks up to the side door connected to the house and grabs the door knob.

He swerves it to the side sliding in a sigh of relief over comes him in excitement he races up the staircase to the hall way he can hear the television on.

His strong glorious and sexy dark shadow overcast the room getting closer and closer to me every second of the interaction gets me hot.

He faces me now blocking the television set the screen blast brightly in to his back I can see the lights shining past him as he grabs my feet.

My foot legs in to the air beginning to take case he massages my feet slowly inhaling my socks sent he rubs it against his cheeks softly.

The sensation tickling me deep down to my core my body is vibrating through me sends a chill down my spine and I move twisting in the bed.

My socks rolls off my right foot he smirks at it in the light he watches it very closely took tender care and checking out every inch of it.

Picking up my left foot he does the same in his hand he happily caresses me leaning in to kiss my foot up and down making sure every action matters.

He is forty five years old still quite super hot and handsome rocking a dress shirt and a dress pants perfectly decorated over his developed body.

I sit up grabbing his waist as I take his chin in my hands as we make out and he falls in love with me over and over again falling back on to my bed.

He has this dry tone voice but it shakes a lot almost upon instinct as he makes a cool entrance in to the room after he changes his clothes.

He closes the door heading in to the closet he picks up the clothes I left for him on a single hanger for him to wear and stood in front of me.

He excitedly unties his tie, unbuttons his silk shirt I recently purchased, his pants fly on to the floor and kicks off his shoes under my full control.

Now standing stark naked in front of my bed in the beauty of the moonlight washing in to the room his body bathing in it I am a loss for words.

He smirks when I extend my hands reaching for the remote flipping the switch by as I press button and the television turns on as expected.

Cracking up I point my finger into the sky as he catches it snapping it loudly it bounces off the wall his eyes roll back in to his socket and he fell to the floor.

I will more than enjoy my night now hopping from my bed I kneel next to him feeling my slaves body up and then proceed to dress him.

He hates to wear anything expensive so I let him wear his black tee and jeans at night I slip the shirt over his head letting it settle on his body.

I feel his hair then put on his jeans the belt is sealed on now enclosing over I snap him back to reality and he is awoken under my power.

“Master Lawrence! I missed you more than you could ever know.” He swears staring at me.

“I could kiss you right now.” He swears.

“Sir Yes Sir” he replies.

“Master may I go for a motorcycle ride?” He asks me.

“Go ahead Ben! Hurry up!” I say.

“Yes Master!”

“I am going down now “

“I am so fucking lucky”

“Master saved me”

“I just need to clear my head “

“Work is so frustrating “

“All I want it to be free”

“I am with Master”

“I do all for him”

“Devote my life to him”

“I hope he notices “

“Does he even care?”

“I mean really”

“If he did not”

“It would devastate me”

“I would be ruined”

“In shambles “

“Heartbroken “

“There I go again “

“Worrying like a baby”

“No end in sight”

“Focus “

“Hey Master!”

“Yes boi”

“I am about to park”

“Get your ass up here”

“Yes sir!”

“NOW YOU IDIOT”

“Mmmmm”

“Why does insulting make me hot?”

“I love to be insulted”

“My cock throbs “

“I find myself swooning “

“Ugh!”

“Still rambling I see?”

“Sorry Master”

“Master Lawrence “

“Kneel for me”

“Are you prepared?”

“Excellent! Lesson number 100”

The end

[books-of-ochre]

"A genre of fiction that is intended to disturb, frighten or scare."A genre of fiction that is intended to disturb, frighten or scare." - Wikipedia

. Within These Walls, Ania Ahlborn With his marriage on the rocks and his life in shambles, washed up crime writer Lucas Graham is desperate for a comeback. So when he's promised exclusive access to notorious cult leader and death row inmate Jeffrey Halcomb, the opportunity is too good to pass up.

Good Reads || My Rating: 4/5

. The Wasp Factory, Iain Banks Frank, no ordinary sixteen-year-old, lives with his father outside a remote Scottish village. Their life is, to say the least, unconventional. Frank's mother abandoned them years ago: his elder brother Eric is confined to a psychiatric hospital; and his father measures out his eccentricities on an imperial scale. Frank has turned to strange acts of violence to vent his frustrations. In the bizarre daily rituals there is some solace. But when news comes of Eric's escape from the hospital Frank has to prepare the ground for his brother's inevitable return - an event that explodes the mysteries of the past and changes Frank utterly.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. Tender is the Flesh, Agustina Bazterrica His wife has left him, his father is sinking into dementia, and Marcos tries not to think too hard about how he makes a living. After all, it happened so quickly. First, it was reported that an infectious virus has made all animal meat poisonous to humans. Then governments initiated the “Transition.” Now, eating human meat—“special meat”—is legal. Marcos tries to stick to numbers, consignments, processing. Then one day he’s given a gift: a live specimen of the finest quality. Though he’s aware that any form of personal contact is forbidden on pain of death, little by little he starts to treat her like a human being. And soon, he becomes tortured by what has been lost—and what might still be saved.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. The Shining Girls, Lauren Beukes Harper Curtis is a killer who stepped out of the past. Kirby Mazrachi is the girl who was never meant to have a future. Kirby is the last shining girl, one of the bright young women, burning with potential, whose lives Harper is destined to snuff out after he stumbles on a House in Depression-era Chicago that opens on to other times. At the urging of the House, Harper inserts himself into the lives of these shining girls, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. He's the ultimate hunter, vanishing without a trace into another time after each murder — until one of his victims survives. Determined to bring her would-be killer to justice, Kirby joins the Chicago Sun-Times to work with the reporter, Dan Velasquez, who covered her case. Soon Kirby finds herself closing in on an impossible truth . . .

Good Reads || My Rating: 4.5/5

. Devolution: A Firsthand Account of the Rainier Sasquatch Massacre, Max Brooks As the ash and chaos from Mount Rainier’s eruption swirled and finally settled, the story of the Greenloop massacre has passed unnoticed, unexamined . . . until now. But the journals of resident Kate Holland, recovered from the town’s bloody wreckage, capture a tale too harrowing—and too earth-shattering in its implications—to be forgotten. Because if what Kate Holland saw in those days is real, then we must accept the impossible. We must accept that the creature known as Bigfoot walks among us—and that it is a beast of terrible strength and ferocity.

Good Reads || My Rating: 4/5

. A Clockwork Orange, Anthony Burgess In Anthony Burgess's influential nightmare vision of the future, criminals take over after dark. Teen gang leader Alex narrates in fantastically inventive slang that echoes the violent intensity of youth rebelling against society.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. House of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski A young family moves into a small home on Ash Tree Lane where they discover something is terribly wrong: their house is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. Of course, neither Pulitzer Prize-winning photojournalist Will Navidson nor his companion Karen Green was prepared to face the consequences of that impossibility, until the day their two little children wandered off and their voices eerily began to return another story—of creature darkness, of an ever-growing abyss behind a closet door, and of that unholy growl which soon enough would tear through their walls and consume all their dreams.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. Geek Love, Katherine Dunn Geek Love is the story of the Binewskis, a carny family whose mater- and paterfamilias set out ― with the help of amphetamine, arsenic, and radioisotopes ― to breed their own exhibit of human oddities. There's Arturo the Aquaboy, who has flippers for limbs and a megalomaniac ambition worthy of Genghis Khan . . . Iphy and Elly, the lissome Siamese twins . . . albino hunchback Oly, and the outwardly normal Chick, whose mysterious gifts make him the family's most precious ― and dangerous ― asset. As the Binewskis take their act across the backwaters of the U.S., inspiring fanatical devotion and murderous revulsion; as its members conduct their own Machiavellian version of sibling rivalry, Geek Love throws its sulfurous light on our notions of the freakish and the normal, the beautiful and the ugly, the holy and the obscene. Family values will never be the same.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis Patrick Bateman is twenty-six and works on Wall Street. He is handsome, sophisticated, charming and intelligent. He is also a psychopath. Taking us to head-on collision with America's greatest dream—and its worst nightmare—American Psycho is a bleak, bitter, black comedy about a world we all recognize but do not wish to confront.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. Leech, Hiron Ennes In an isolated chateau, as far north as north goes, the baron’s doctor has died. The doctor’s replacement has a mystery to solve: discovering how the Institute lost track of one of its many bodies. For hundreds of years the Interprovincial Medical Institute has grown by taking root in young minds and shaping them into doctors, replacing every human practitioner of medicine. The Institute is here to help humanity, to cure and to cut, to cradle and protect the species from the apocalyptic horrors their ancestors unleashed. In the frozen north, the Institute's body will discover a competitor for its rung at the top of the evolutionary ladder. A parasite is spreading through the baron's castle, already a dark pit of secrets, lies, violence, and fear. The two will make war on the battlefield of the body. Whichever wins, humanity will lose again.

Good Reads || My Rating: 4/5

. Coraline, Neil Gaiman In Coraline's family's new flat are twenty-one windows and fourteen doors. Thirteen of the doors open and close. The fourteenth is locked, and on the other side is only a brick wall, until the day Coraline unlocks the door to find a passage to another flat in another house just like her own. Only it's different.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. Horrorstör, Grady Hendrix Something strange is happening at the Orsk furniture superstore in Cleveland. Every morning, employees arrive to find broken Kjerring wardrobes, shattered Brooka glassware, and vandalized Liripip sofa beds—clearly someone, or something, is up to no good. To unravel the mystery, five young employees volunteer for a long dusk-till-dawn shift and encounter horrors that defy imagination.

Good Reads || My Rating: 4.5/5

. The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires, Grady Hendrix Steel Magnolias meets Dracula in this New York Times best-selling horror novel about a women's book club that must do battle with a mysterious newcomer to their small Southern town.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. The Hunger, Alma Katsu A tense and gripping reimagining of one of America's most fascinating historical moments: the Donner Party with a supernatural twist.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. 1922, Stephen King A violence awakens inside a man when his wife proposes selling off the family homestead, setting in motion a grisly train of murder and madness.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. Carrie, Stephen King An unpopular teenage girl, whose mother is a religious fanatic, is tormented and teased to the breaking point by her more popular schoolmates. She uses her hidden telekinetic powers to inflict a terrifying revenge.

Good Reads || My Rating: 4.5/5

. Gerald’s Game, Stephen King When a game of seduction between a husband and wife ends in death, the nightmare has only begun…

Good Reads || My Rating: 4/5

. Pet Sematary, Stephen King When Dr. Louis Creed takes a new job and moves his family to the idyllic, rural town of Ludlow, Maine, this new beginning seems too good to be true. Yet despite Ludlow's tranquility, there's an undercurrent of danger that lingers...like the graveyard in the woods near the Creeds' home, where generations of children have buried their beloved pets. Behind the "pet sematary", there is another burial ground, one that lures people to it with seductive promises...and ungodly temptations. A blood-chilling truth is hidden there - one more terrifying than death itself and hideously more powerful. An ominous fate befalls anyone who dares tamper with this forbidden place, as Louis is about to discover for himself....

Good Reads || My Rating: 4/5

. The Dark Tower Series, Stephen King The Dark Tower series tells the story of Roland Deschain, Mid-World’s last gunslinger, who is traveling southeast across Mid-World’s post-apocalyptic landscape, searching for the powerful but elusive magical edifice known as The Dark Tower. Located in the fey region of End-World, amid a sea of singing red roses, the Dark Tower is the nexus point of the time-space continuum. It is the heart of all worlds, but it is also under threat. Someone, or something, is using the evil technology of the Great Old Ones to destroy it.

More info.

. The Shining, Stephen King Jack Torrance’s new job at the Overlook Hotel is the perfect chance for a fresh start. As the off-season caretaker at the atmospheric old hotel, he’ll have plenty of time to spend reconnecting with his family and working on his writing. But as the harsh winter weather sets in, the idyllic location feels ever more remote . . . and more sinister. And the only one to notice the strange and terrible forces gathering around the Overlook is Danny Torrance, a uniquely gifted five-year-old.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov The most famous and controversial novel from one of the greatest writers of the twentieth century tells the story of Humbert Humbert’s obsessive, devouring, and doomed passion for the nymphet Dolores Haze.

Good Reads || My Rating: 4/5

. I’m Thinking of Ending Things, Iain Reid In this deeply scary and intensely unnerving debut novel, Jake and a woman known only as "The Girlfriend" are on a drive to visit his parents at their secluded farm. But when Jake leaves "The Girlfriend" stranded at an abandoned high school, what follows is a twisted unraveling of the darkest unease, an exploration into psychological frailty.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. Cry to Heaven, Anne Rice This is the story of the castrati, the exquisite and otherworldly sopranos whose graceful bodies and glorious voices win the adulation of royal courts and grand opera houses throughout Europe. These men are revered as idols—and, at the same time, scorned for all they are not.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. The Lives of the Mayfair Witches, Anne Rice A trilogy of supernatural horror/fantasy novels that centers on a family of witches whose fortunes have been guided for generations by a spirit named Lasher. 

More info.

. The Vampire Chronicles, Anne Rice A series of gothic vampire novels that revolves around the fictional character Lestat de Lioncourt, a French nobleman turned into a vampire in the 18th century.

More info.

. Wolf Gift Chronicles, Anne Rice The tale of Reuben Golding, a well to do journalist at the fictional San Francisco Observer who is attacked by and turned into a werewolf.

More info.

. Frankenstein, Mary Shelley Frankenstein tells the story of Victor Frankenstein, a young scientist who creates a sapient creature in an unorthodox scientific experiment. 

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. The Abominable, Dan Simmons Deep in Tibet and high on Everest, the three climbers -- joined by the missing boy's female cousin -- find themselves being pursued through the night by someone . . . or something. This nightmare becomes a matter of life and death at 28,000 feet - but what is pursuing them? And what is the truth behind the 1924 disappearances on Everest? As they fight their way to the top of the world, the friends uncover a secret far more abominable than any mythical creature could ever be.

Good Reads || My Rating: 4/5

. The Terror, Dan Simmons The men on board the HMS Terror — part of the 1845 Franklin Expedition, the first steam-powered vessels ever to search for the legendary Northwest Passage — are entering a second summer in the Arctic Circle without a thaw, stranded in a nightmarish landscape of encroaching ice and darkness. Endlessly cold, they struggle to survive with poisonous rations, a dwindling coal supply, and ships buckling in the grip of crushing ice. But their real enemy is even more terrifying. There is something out there in the frigid darkness: an unseen predator stalking their ship, a monstrous terror clawing to get in.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. Baby Teeth, Zoje Stage Meet Hanna. She’s the sweet-but-silent angel in the adoring eyes of her Daddy. He’s the only person who understands her, and all Hanna wants is to live happily ever after with him. But Mommy stands in her way, and she’ll try any trick she can think of to get rid of her. Ideally for good. Meet Suzette. She loves her daughter, really, but after years of expulsions and strained home schooling, her precarious health and sanity are weakening day by day. As Hanna’s tricks become increasingly sophisticated, and Suzette's husband remains blind to the failing family dynamics, Suzette starts to fear that there’s something seriously wrong, and that maybe home isn’t the best place for their baby girl after all.

Good Reads || My Rating: 3.5/5

. The Luminous Dead, Caitlin Starling In which a caver on a foreign planet finds herself on a terrifying psychological and emotional journey for survival.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

. Ghost Story, Peter Straub In the sleepy town of Milburn, New York, four old men gather to tell each other stories—some true, some made-up, all of them frightening. A simple pastime to divert themselves from their quiet lives. But one story is coming back to haunt them and their small town. A tale of something they did long ago. A wicked mistake. A horrifying accident. And they are about to learn that no one can bury the past forever...

Good Reads || My Rating: 4/5

. Ring Series, Koji Suzuki The novels revolve around a curse, embodied within a videotape, unleashed by Sadako Yamamura, the ghost of a psychic who was raped and murdered before being thrown into a well.

More info.

. Cabin at the End of the World, Paul Tremblay Seven-year-old Wen and her parents, Eric and Andrew, are vacationing at a remote cabin on a quiet New Hampshire lake. Their closest neighbors are more than two miles in either direction along a rutted dirt road. One afternoon, as Wen catches grasshoppers in the front yard, a stranger unexpectedly appears in the driveway.  Leonard and Wen talk and play until Leonard abruptly apologizes and tells Wen, “None of what’s going to happen is your fault.” Three more strangers then arrive at the cabin carrying unidentifiable, menacing objects. As Wen sprints inside to warn her parents, Leonard calls out: “Your dads won’t want to let us in, Wen. But they have to. We need your help to save the world.” Thus begins an unbearably tense, gripping tale of paranoia, sacrifice, apocalypse, and survival that escalates to a shattering conclusion, one in which the fate of a loving family and quite possibly all of humanity are entwined. 

Good Reads || My Rating: 3.5/5

. Hide, Kiersten White The challenge: spend a week hiding in an abandoned amusement park and don't get caught. The prize: enough money to change everything. Even though everyone is desperate to win--to seize their dream futures or escape their haunting pasts--Mack feels sure that she can beat her competitors. All she has to do is hide, and she's an expert at that. It's the reason she's alive, and her family isn't. But as the people around her begin disappearing one by one, Mack realizes this competition is more sinister than even she imagined, and that together might be the only way to survive.

Good Reads || My Rating: 5/5

[bilightningwhumper]

Mangst 2024- Day 8

<<Previous . Masterlist . Next>>

Ashen Spell (Cinderella + Beauty and the Beast) Masterlist

“I wish I could go back to when things made sense.”

Summary:

Cinder tells Isaac how he was sent to the Institution. Potential spoiler excerpt from "Ashen Spell"

Notes:

Warnings: mentions of abuse (female whumper+male whumpee) Characters: Cinder- Cinderella Isaac- Beast

Cinder’s POV

“I wish I could go back to when things made sense.”

Cinder felt the bed shift as Isaac turned his head towards him. “What do you mean?”

“Back when my dad was alive,” He absently rubbed the scars around his wrist. “before he remarried my stepmom. Or maybe even before my mom died.” His throat started to close up, but he kept talking. “Maybe… maybe they would have understood. Then I’d never have been sent to the Institution.”

Isaac took his hand, intertwining their fingers. “Yeah, I feel that way sometimes too. But if I’m honest, nothing ever really made sense, not in my life. I mean, what kind of parents think it’s so bad not to want to marry your soulmate, especially when their own marriage was in shambles because of it.”

Sighing, Cinder rubbed his forehead with his free hand. “Mom probably would have understood. She’d have loved you.”

He got a soft hum in response.

They sat in silence for a while. Cinder studied the ceiling. The dark brown wood was a nice change from the harsh white of the Institution.

“What’s really on your mind, Cinder?”

That was the question, wasn’t it. Everything and nothing. He was free, but still trapped.

“The detectives asked about who sent me to the Institution. I-” He swallowed hard. “I had to tell them about my stepmom. And stepsisters. It’s just…” Pausing, he didn’t know how to find the words to continue. He could feel Isaac waiting patiently. “What if they don’t believe me?”

Isaac sat up, looking down at Cinder, eyebrows furrowed. “Why wouldn’t they? There’s records from the Institution, evidence in banking statements, probably more.”

And that was it. The lead in he needed to be honest about what had happened. What… what his step family had done to him. But…

Cinder let out a sob. It bubbled out of his chest and burst out all at once. He couldn’t breath, couldn’t...

“Hey, hey, come here.” Isaac pulled him close, cradling him to his chest, rocking them gently. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you. You’re safe here.”

Shuddering, trying to take a breath, Cinder clung to Isaac’s shirt. Was he safe? They’d been calling families, searching for them. Sienna’s dad was taking her home once she was medically cleared. What if they made him go back to her? Back to that house?

“She hurt me.” he whimpered. “Like the Institution did. But she did more than that. She-” He choked again, heaving breaths under sobs.

The grip on him got tighter. “Those scars on your back… The burns… That was her?”

Cinder just whimpered and buried his head further into Isaac’s shirt. “They lied. She told everyone I’d hurt myself, that I’d been addicted to drugs. Made up proof so no one believed me.”

He felt Isaac kiss the top of his head, wiping his tears gently. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you, okay? You never have to go back. Never.”

It was a nice thought, even if Cinder didn’t believe it yet. But it was a nice thought.

[1yuuki3]

Part 1:

Do you believe in fate?

Genre: Strangers to lovers, Fluff, Angst, YoongixReader, idolyoongi

TW: mentions of cheating,light swearing?

A/N: Hi, thank you for stumbling into my delulu word..

Wc: 1476 words

Synopsis: You were never one to believe in fate, You're life was made up of plans and bullet points , Organized to the very end. Until fate played a cruel joke and left your life in shambles. Nursing a broken heart in Spain, will this make you change your view on love and fate?.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

" Y/N when are you coming home?" your bestfriend Aya asked you while face timing you.

"Just give me two more days and I'm coming home"

you said with a bitter smile on your face.

"Home" A word so familiar yet so far. Crumbling your heart into tiny little pieces.

Home was a hazel eyed boy named James. 

Whose smile makes your heart do flip-flops and butterflies go crazy in your stomach. But that was before he decided to break your heart.

Rather than wallow in self-pity, you decided to go out of your rented room 

and take in the sites that Spain can offer.

Walking around with your trusty camera you took pictures, 

but you call them memories.. 

A new chapter in life, A new chapter without him, you thought.

Throwing all caution in the air, you decided to get drunk and celebrate this freedom of yours. 

But fate has different plans for you.

As you walked aimlessly around the back alleys of Spain, 

You noticed a tiny bar hidden by an arch of flowers. 

If it wasn't for the sign that says "Tienda de Magia" you'd definitely miss it.

As you reluctantly entered, You felt as if your transported in time, 

when love and fairytales existed. Where happy never after existed.

Gentle guitar music peppered the air, creating a calm atmosphere, 

where you can easily leave all your worries at the door.

As you walk towards the bar you noticed a guy having a hard time ordering due to the language barrier.

You don't know what came over you or maybe it was your bestfriend's advice to 

"go fuck the 1st cute guy you met and get over that arse". 

You know she was joking and just want to make you smile.

"Ah,excuse me, do you need help?" you softly asked the stranger.

A pair of cat like eyes stared back at you as if you've materialized from smoke. 

He cleared his throat as if trying to calm the feelings in his stomach while staring at your brown eyes.

"Ye-Yes" he answered in that low sexy voice that can make girls swoon.

"I was trying to order a scotch on the rocks, but we got lost in translation" he continued to explain while scratching his neck.

"Let me do it" you said and gave him a smile.

He smiled his gummy smile and it did things to your heart as you slowly feel your cheeks turn red.

You talked to the bar tender who was eyeing your interactions, with a knowing smile on his face and turned his back to prepare your drinks.

"Yoongi" he shyly mumbled, "my name is Yoongi".

"Hi Yoongi, I'm Y/N" you said as you take his outstretched hand to shake.

As soon as your palms touched, as if there were a thousand pikachu's who suddenly hit you with thunderbolts. To say that the touch was electrifying is an understatement.

"What are you doing here in Spain?"

You asked trying to clear out any awkwardness in the air.

"Working and you?" he replied, He may have noticed the change in your expression, that he immediately said.

"No need to tell me, if it will make you uncomfortable".

You took in a deep breathe as if your life depended on it, You never really told anyone why you ended the engagement. Not even your parents. Only your best friend knows the truth.

You didn't do it because you still love him, You did it because you can't stand people looking at you with pity, 

The girl with the perfect life cheated by her fiancé.

You took a deep breathe and said

"He cheated on me, I saw him fucking his best friend in our bed, I never confronted him, I just left and here I am now getting drunk with you"

You looked at him, waiting for any sign of pity but there was none, Was that anger you saw? or was it the alcohol talking?

He took your hand into his and slowly massaged circles in your knuckles, not helping the butterflies or it is worms in your stomach at this point.

"It not your fault he cheated, even if I just met you, I can say you are someone special and your ex is stupid"

he said still holding on to your hand as if afraid to let you go.

"I'm not saying this so that I can get in your pants or anything, You're special Y/N"

he said as his face is slowly turning into beet red.

You laughed like you haven't laughed in ages. 

Holding your stomach as you laugh your pain away "This is what freedom feels like" You thought to yourself.

And just like that the moment was broken as a waiter shyly approached Yoongi.

"Hi,aren't you Suga from bts?Can I asked for your autograph." as he handed a tissue and a pen.

You noticed how Yoongi suddenly became uncomfortable, 

but still signed the paper with his autograph.

You heard the bartender scolding the waiter.

"You shouldn't have bothered our guests like that,

people come here to escape, to let go of the real world" and he gives you an apologetic smile.

"So, you're in a band?that's cool" you said.

"Yeah, that's why we're here in Spain for work" he replied

"That's cool, and I apologize if I don't recognize you, I'm just not really that updated with bands and what not"

You answered, In which he replied with a big sigh of relief, not realizing he was holding his breathe.

You were like a breathe of fresh air for Yoongi, being an Idol and in front of a camera can be exhausting, 

not that he's complaining because music is his passion, And he loves what he is doing.

But being able to roam around without people recognizing you is a relief.

"So want to get out of here Mr. I'm in a band? Before anyone recognizes you again" Y/N said playfully.

As you got out of the bar, laughing like life long friends.

Y/N took out her hat and placed it on your head as she drunkenly called it a "disguise" so that people won't recognize you.

You talked about everything and nothing. Surprised that you had a lot in common. You learned that Y/N is a music producer and you were pleasantly surprised that you know some of the songs she produced.

When you asked her why she was using a different name for the songs she produced, She simply said she wanted to make a name for herself and not just be the daughter of one of the biggest business tycoon in the country.

You noticed that your aimless walking brought you and Yoongi to a beach and both of you decided to just rest and clear your head from the alcohol.

"Hey, Can we have a picture if you don't mind?" You hesitantly asked it's for my memory box. I promise no one will see it you added hastily.

He gave you his signature gummy smile as he pulled you close to him.

Being near him makes you question things, but you blame this on the alcohol and the night.

After the picture was taken you went back to your comfortable silence. Just sitting next to him.

"Y/N? do you believe in fate? Yoongi asked while staring at you.

"I never believed in fate, for me it's like a made up story for hopeless romantics"

You replied.

Was your heart really that broken to make you this cynical about fate Yoongi wondered.

And in that moment Yoongi felt a sigh from you. As you gently placed your head on his shoulder..

"This feels so good" you quietly said.

"What? Yoongi replied in a near whisper.

"You, Me, the beach" you replied while looking at him.

As if your body has a mind of its own. You feel that you're moving slowly towards Yoongi and he is mirroring your action as well.

As your lips almost touched, A ringing phone pierced the silence and the magic was gone.

Yoongi silently cursed whoever was calling but still answered the phone.

"Yoongi-ah, where the hell are you?"

The caller said without waiting for an answer.

"I'm at the beach by the pier hyung"

Yoongi replied

"You better get back here, before our manager would notice you are gone"

You just listened silently as Yoongi was being scolded by whoever was it on the other line. 

As the call ends. Yoongi silently looks at you with an apologetic smile.

Uhm, I need to go now, I just left our hotel without our permission" He said

Grabbing his hand, you smiled reassuringly, You're sad that this night has to end but it was a happy distraction before going back to reality.

Grabbing his hand, you smiled reassuringly, You're sad that this night has to end but it was a happy distraction before going back to reality.

"Let's go get a cab you and I" you said.

"Will we see each other again?" Yoongi asked.

"If your fate is real, maybe we'll cross paths once again" You answered with a smile.

And that's how you parted ways, You clutching the polaroid picture, an evidence of a magical night spent in Spain. And him with your bucket hat clutched in his hands, praying that you'll meet again..

[mywifeleftme]

297: I Giganti // Terra in bocca (Poesia di un delitto)

Terra in bocca (poesia di un delitto) I Giganti 1971, Ri-Fi

Today was the day I think I finally turned heel as a record collector. There’s a cute little shop not far from my house that specializes in CDs, but has a modest used vinyl selection. Most of it is very basic fare (I’ve never seen so many Blood, Sweat & Tears records in one place in my damn life), but all priced like it’s ten years ago and the vinyl speculating bubble never happened. I ducked in for the first time last week, and after some assiduous digging plucked some outrageous gems: an original pressing of Junior Kimbrough’s All Night Long and a Canadian OP of Richard & Linda Thompson’s I See the Bright Lights Tonight! The first goddamn Exuma record for $11! I even found Roger Miller’s debut, a theoretically dirt common record that’s nonetheless eluded me for years. I walked out with easily $250 worth of squeaky-clean wax I actually wanted for less than $100.

But rather than just enjoying my good fortune, it set the blackly gleaming coils of avarice inside me into motion. I’d snagged a cool little compilation of Bengali playback songs by Aarti Mukherjee for $12 from their modest little Indian music section (a record I had to add to Discogs myself), and while grooving to it I decided to look up a couple of the others I remembered seeing there. That’s when I discovered the Lata Mangeshkar record I’d briefly considered at $15 last sold on Discogs for almost $380. Reader, I try to suppress my Jungian Deals for Deals’ Sake shadow, but through my father’s side of the family tree I’ve inherited a deep streak of flea market cretinism. I fear this situation has made it ascendant. The shop was closed the day I made my dark Discogs discovery, so I waited, slavering, for the following morning, whereupon I told my coworkers I had to walk a traveling friend’s dog and would pick up the hour at the end of my shift, and shambled to the store to see if my dusty prize was still there.

Portrait of the collector courtesy the Royal Arachnological Museum

I felt as though I were robbing the mom and pop shop as I clutched the LP to my chest, telling myself that at least their small selection of recent extreme metal records were neatly labeled with little post-it notes that indicated the shopkeep had compared his stock with Amazon’s algorithmically-deranged marketplace, but I knew I was only lying to myself. These poor sods didn’t know about Discogs. Only I did, and it had merely cost me a shred of my soul. I bought the Mangeshkar, and two Bengali records of unclear value, though one is autographed. And I bought this dorky Italo prog record reissue on blue vinyl that I have far less legitimate musical interest in than the Mangeshkar, purely because some Greek psychopath is trying to sell his copy for $300 US, and other pressings are starting at $75 and up. It’s a concept album about the Mafia that was so thoroughly censored by Italy’s corrupt media it was practically unknown till the ‘90s, which, as a backstory, objectively rocks. A lot of it sounds like Jesus Christ Superstar, which objectively sucks. I Giganti thank Karl Marx on the back of the sleeve but include a poem by the horny proto-fascist Gabriele D’Annunzio in the gatefold, who pioneered Mussolini’s tactic of haranguing crowds from his balcony window and in an unrelated incident later fell out of a window and hurt himself so badly he had to withdraw from politics, which is confusing. The album itself is… fine really, has some cool Mellotron, though I’d rather hear Goblin play The Godfather theme. Someday I will try to sell it for a profit, but if God is just the bubble will collapse before then and I’ll be entombed with it.

297 reviews in, I am finally lost.

297/365

[vialaviolenza]

@lovesigned continued from here !

Drowning sorrows was ONE of the things on the menu tonight as the snow-haired male moved through the crowd expressing palatable irritation and exhaustion. Despite the variety of glances in his direction, he ignores them entirely. Instead, he focused solely on having a drink after another sleepless night⸻when insomnia came he often discovered that a drink or two and a walk home were enough to remedy it. Perhaps it only granted a few hours, but it was better than nothing, at least that's what he tells himself.

Leone takes a seat, ordering a simple whiskey on the rocks, his saffron and amethyst eyes drifting to meet Risotto's gaze, ❝ That makes two of us.❞ The drink is nursed silently for a moment before he glances to take note that the larger male is only drinking water, ❝ Did you really come to a bar for a glass of water ? ❞ He attempts to be somewhat 'sociable', whatever the fuck that meant, ❝ Or am I ruining your. . .'mojo' ? ❞ A brow lifts as he turns in his seat slightly to get a better look at Risotto's features as he takes another slow sip from his drink. His eyes lingering for a bit longer than he means, so they quickly drift back ahead of him towards the shelves of liquor on the other side of across from them. Thoughts swell, curious ones. . .but never ones that he'd speak aloud, let alone to the leader of La Squadra. Still, the thought is nice enough to stir a faint chuckle, his head shaking in disbelief, and even if he's questioned for the chuckle, he'd mention something completely irrelevant as a distraction.

After everything he had been through, having THAT thought on his mind was as hilarious as it was disappointing. Connections to others didn't come easy anymore, and, as far as he was concerned, both his love and sex life were just as much in shambles as his head after the day he lost his partner. Nothing had made sense since then, and it's the sole reason for his inability to get any 'good' sleep. The weight of depression is nearly suffocating, but he carries on, finding 'solace' in places like this bar somewhat often.

❝ Would you like a drink? ❞ Despite the lack of confidence or care, the notion is offered as his eyes move back, an index finger tracing the mouth of his glass. ❝ Figure I should make my interruption worth your while. ❞

[sa4phire]

i’m so upset. vent.

I’m talk texting so if there’s typos get over it

the thing about me is

i’m the toxic one. i’m the problem. in everyone’s life.

everyone i know has distanced themselves from me except my family. even my own mom is sick of me and my mental illness.

i can’t smoke weed anymore, so even my artificial happiness is just fucking out of reach.

depression is setting in— granted it’s my seasonal depression time but it’s also my PMS week so it’s even worse.

The only person that I want is out of reach. Rightfully so. Like I understand that people need to set boundaries for themselves to be functioning human beings but you know like not being a normal human being is hard.

Other people feel feelings, other people, feel feelings normally for their entire life. Their development is not based around obsession compulsion, or whether or not, they’re in mania or depression.

Imagine walking through your entire life and developing wrong. Of course, no one knows that you were psychotic and mental because school keeps you stable on a steady schedule. The only thing that would tell someone that anything is wrong is the extended up periods of time that you were depressed that doesn’t really go away. 

what absolutely blows me is that I was so terrified of being committed to a ward and rightfully so after what happened to me that I did not seek help when I was in high school and it got so bad. I knew that my depression was worse than ever, and I should have sought help then. But I didn’t.

Instead, I tracked it out because that’s what you do you just keep on keeping on. I had been living with my depression since I was 12 years old that’s when depression really started getting bad for me. Don’t get me wrong though because I have been living with this mental illness my entire life is genetic meaning I have always swung between mania and depression, looking back going to my dads house made me so depressed as a child that I did not know how to cope. I remember my hair being so matted one time, his gf at the time took hours to help me.

My father was not really around when I was there because of work. It was just me and my brother, so literally just I don’t know it just bothers me because I’m looking at my life from a rational point of you for the first time due to being on these amazing medication’s that I am blessed to be on by the way.

I don’t know sometimes it just gets hard. Sometimes it’s just fucking hard to live for me. I am in shambles because of personal shit that I cannot fix. There is nowhere to go but up like literally if you want to talk about rock-bottom I am there my dude.

I live with my mom for fucks sake. Granted, I’m working my ass off to get on my feet but following your dreams is hard when you lose everything. all because you literally lost your fucking mind in loneliness that you fucking created because of depression and mania.

I need to go back to college, but I need scholarships to do so. There’s just so much to do.

I get lost a lot. Now that my depression is trying it’s best to settle in, I am struggling really bad mentally. And I’m not used to being on my own granted my husband is a major support and he does an amazing job, but he is only one person.

My friends have distance themselves from me because of me being in my psychotic state. Don’t get me wrong, they haven’t turned their back on me or anything but I only have three friends four actually but I don’t talk to her that much.

It’s just fucking twisted and dark and twisted and dark just like me and just like I have always been.

I have hope now because I am on medication but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t all feels hopeless still.

i am struggling in the depths of despair.

[thewornoutandtired]

Watching the Lights Go Out

10

I stare at the dark sky. Only ten little lights left, twinkling fruitlessly against the empty infinity of the universe. The asteroid I'm sitting on is barren, just me left. I shift a little on the rock I'm sitting on and sigh. This is it. The end of all things.

9

One blinks out, and my surroundings change. I'm sitting on a pool table in a room I saw once, a lifetime ago. The room is in shambles, two of the walls completely gone. The gigantic hole reveals the nothingness outside. The ceiling is one big skylight, and I can see through the fog outside to the nearly empty night sky. A whale swims through the air, feet away from the building. The sight of another living thing makes me smile.

8

Another gone, and the whale emits a mournful cry before it disappears, and I arrive somewhere new. I am now on the remains of a world covered in blackened tendrils. At the end of each tendril lies a corpse. I'm seated on an especially large tendril, and the corpse of it's connected to lies somewhere beyond my sight. The last handful of lights seem more distant here than ever before, so far and faint that I have to strain to see them.

7

My environment changes again, and I find myself wishing it had not. I now sit on a raft in the middle of an endless ocean, my suddenly bare feet dangling above the abyss. I can feel that there's nothing beneath me, alive or dead. Wherever I am, it's been dead far longer than the end of its light. There's a storm on the horizon, nearly blotting out the few remaining stars.

6

The lights start to fade faster, and I find myself sitting on an asteroid again. There are the remains of planets that look like they've crashed together, but any fire and heat has long since gone away. There's scattered remains of machinery and metal, looking like the aftermath of a battle. I'm sitting on the jagged edge of something that looks like a giant gear, but before I can look closer, I'm gone.

5

The forest I find myself in is dark. The trees I'm sat amongst are not yet barren, but there's no life left in this blackness. The darkened canopy almost hides the few lights that remain. I can hear the brutal crashing of waves against rocks behind me, but before I can turn, I'm somewhere new.

4

It's raining in the ruins of the city I'm in now. I'm sat on the hood of an abandoned car, getting absolutely drenched. Surrounding me are buildings turned into ruins by some kind of disaster. I can't help but wish that something was on fire, but the only source of heat that is millions of light years away. I stand up just in time to move again.

3

The mountain I'm standing on now is covered in snow. It's up to my knees, but I can't feel the chill. I can see the trio of stars directly overhead. My breath plumes out in front of me as I sigh, and when the steam clears, I'm gone once more.

2

I stand in the middle of a field populated by dead flowers and discarded swords. Ash floats gently down around me, slowly piling up around the weapons. There are two sets of empty armor next to the charred remains of a fire. It's dark, aside from the last two lights in the sky. I have a faint temptation to grab a sword to take with me, but I disappear before I can even reach out for it.

1

I'm in a diner that seems to be floating in space. It's empty, and all the lights are out. There's an old man sat at a booth, and the window behind him shows the last remaining light. I take a seat next to him, and he looks at me. He smiles at me, and winks. We both look out the window, and the last light blinks out.

0

The diner disappears, as does everything else. I am alone, in a vast emptiness, somehow still seated on nothing. In the end of everything, somehow I'm still here. I alone remain, having watched all the lights go out. This is it.

Bang.

[humdelhi]

“‘You accidentally became a boy when you should’ve been a girl,’ is something that the neighbourhood aunties often used to tell me. As is the case with most effeminate young boys, I had a spate of scarring incidents in my childhood. In school, boys used to mock me for not being masculine enough. Once, a classmate of mine even teased me for raising my hand like a girl. I couldn’t understand – how was I supposed to raise my hand ‘like a boy’ when I was already a boy? For the next few nights I even practised raising my hand in a more masculine manner to evade the taunting.

Growing up, I had no clue about what it meant to be homosexual or effeminate, so I genuinely believed everybody around me when they told me that there was something wrong with me – something that I needed to fix. And I really did try to fix it by pretending to be more masculine, more manly. I even tried to develop an interest in sports and signed up for tennis classes, because that’s what boys were expected to do.

Things took a turn for the worse when I was in the twelfth grade. I had joined a coaching centre to prepare for my engineering entrance exams, and I used to go there with a friend. Most of the students there were boys, and they bullied me badly for my effeminate nature. The bullying became progressively worse and after some time, my friend started distancing himself from me. He did not want to associate with me or be seen with me because I was an object of ridicule. It escalated to a point where he refused to acknowledge me at all! That is when I hit rock bottom. I felt like an inferior being, and wondered why I was not worthy of having friendships with other people. My head was in shambles. Every night, after my parents went to bed, I used to open the bathroom door and stare at the bottle of phenyl sitting over the wash basin. For a week or so, I was on the edge and this became a nightly ritual for me. I used to contemplate ending it all – the mocking, suffering, and the shame that it brought to my family.

It was during this dark phase of mine that I fortunately stumbled upon a flicker of hope. While I was struggling to figure out my identity, I looked up what it meant to be gay on the internet, and I came across stories of famous figures from the west who were queer and still leading good lives. I read accounts of Ellen DeGeneres, Jim Parsons, Freddie Mercury, and a few others who served as sources of inspiration for me. I decided that life was too precious, and that I did not want my story to be a tragic one when there was possibility of a better life. I resolved to study well, get a good education, and to empower myself to lead a respectable life so that I could serve as an example to so many others like me, who like me, were probably looking for a point of reference to attach some hope to. Today, I’ve grown out of the anxieties of my adolescence – I’m a proud effeminate gay man doing well in my career, while also trying to change the heteronormative normal to create more opportunities for others like me.”

[cathygeha]

REVIEW

Midnight Duet by Jen Comfort

 Musicians with chemistry, but oh so different from one another on many levels, end up finding more than they expected in Paris, Nevada.

 What I liked:

* Erika: opera star, scarred in accident, rather lost, seeking something, talented, wiser and better than she realizes, loves deeply

* Christoff: hair metal band lead singer and guitarist, German, control freak, worrier, rigid, a bit lost in some ways, a good man

* The chemistry between Erika and Christoff

* The band members: Sybelle, Sergei, Waldo…and later, Gillian

* Jean and Javert: Erika’s furry rat companion pets that

* The slow burn between the H/h

* The growth shown in both characters through the story arc

* That it reminded me a bit of Jilly Cooper books read long ago

* The way it all worked out in the end

 What I didn’t like:

* That it took me quite awhile to get into the story and begin to care about the characters – I had trouble relating to them and their life issues – though I did finally begin to care and wonder how it would all work out.

 Did I enjoy this book? By the end, I did.

Would I read more by this author? I believe I would

 Thank you to NetGalley and Montlake for the ARC – This is my honest review.

 3-4 Stars

     BLURB

 From The Astronaut and the Star author Jen Comfort comes a wildly electric romance about two musicians who collide on the stage of a Nevada opera house. Self-professed diva Erika Greene has it all: a starring role on Broadway, legions of fans, spectacular natural talent. But after an accident on stage leaves her face scarred and her career in shambles, Erika retreats to Paris, Nevada, where she’s inherited a ramshackle opera house in desperate need of some TLC. Erika pours her savings into the building, but it’s not enough to stave off casino developer Raoul Decomte’s avaricious gaze. With foreclosure imminent, she leases the space to some unexpected tenants: a German hair metal band, fronted by glam rock god Christof Daae. Erika is tempted by Christof’s low-slung leather pants—and even more so by his ambitious drive to make Nacht Musik international superstars—but he’s off-limits. The rest of his band thinks he’s still dating their beloved keyboardist, who is conveniently not present on this jaunt to the American Southwest. When Erika finds out Christof’s been unceremoniously dumped and is trying to keep it under wraps, she makes a deal to keep his secret…for a price, of course. Christof is desperate to hold the rest of the band together after his keyboardist’s departure, but he can’t maintain the charade forever. Nor can he resist the opera house’s mysterious proprietor, who tempts him with midnight singing lessons. It isn’t long before sensuous nighttime interludes turn into smoldering backstage encounters. But can their newly ignited passion survive the searing light of day? Or will their beautiful duet turn into a brokenhearted power ballad for one?