#when my break comes around I’ll try to invest a little more time into it

[meltedmush]

You might’ve already addressed this, but have you ever played My Horse Prince?

I don’t think I have talked about it, but no I haven’t played My Horse Prince. I am aware of it though, and I’ve seen a lot of gameplay footage of the first 30 minutes. Real funky stuff ain’t it?

I’ve been getting screenshots of the game ever since I’ve started drawing Binghorse, and MAN THEY GET RIDICULOUS 😭

[notafunkiller]

wait for hours

Summary: Bucky and you have a small fight about making him attend a business dinner on your one-year anniversary.

Pairing: CEO!Bucky Barnes x secretary!reader

Warnings: 18+, oral (f receiving), org@sm denial/edging, teasing, pet names, no mention of y/n

Word Count: 1.9K

Bucky Barnes masterlist

A/N: I wrote this blurb based on @marvelouslizzie’s prompt: “You want me to put it in you, don't you?”

Please, do not repost or translate without my permission!

You know he is mad. You could sense it right away at work and also in the car. But you don’t regret it, it had to be done.

“Why did you even bring me here if you aren’t gonna talk, James?”

Your head is spinning only from the way he’s pacing around.

He puffs. “You wanna talk now?”

“You are such a kid,” you say, sighing.

“I am the kid?”

You’re surprised by how high his tone is.

“Why are you so bothered? I did what I needed to help you.”

“I don’t care! You knew tonight is off limits. It was supposed to be about us!”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm down a little. You don’t want to fight. You never do when you disagree, and this is silly.

“We can do it another time. We both know how important this is, so why are you so mad?”

“Because this is our one-year anniversary and we always…”

You sigh, standing up. “He wouldn’t have waited, and I don’t care if you think: then his loss. This is your company! You need this investment.”

“You made this decision for me!”

“Good,” you snap. “Someone had to, I wasn’t going to let you waste a great opportunity just cause you are not in the mood for another business dinner.”

He steps toward you so fast you don’t even realize for a second. “Yeah, sorry I am not in the mood for a business dinner when I could be buried inside my girlfriend in our private jet as we fly to Europe.”

“Who said I wanted to go in the first place?” You look him in the eye, challenging him to answer you. You’re not gonna let him intimidate you. Not that he wanted that.

“Then I could have made you come on my tongue after dinner right here.”

You roll your eyes. “All you can think about is sex.”

“All I can think about is you, but you decided to-”

“To do the right thing.” You interrupt him immediately. He’s so stubborn sometimes!

Bucky sighs, bringing his hands to your cheeks. “Are you bored with me?”

What. The. Fuck.

“Are you drunk?” You ask despite knowing it’d be impossible. But how can he ask that?

“Are you bored of me, honey? Is this why you keep me a secret?”

“Bucky!”

“I wanted to make it official like what? A thousand times?”

You sigh, bringing your hands on top of his before leaving a kiss on one of his palms.

“I am not bored of you, Jamie. But work is work. He knows-”

“I want everyone to know!”

You understand, but at the same time there are more consequences to consider before making the decision to get public. “Know what? That you’re fucking me?”

Now this is a thing you regret saying. The expression he has on his face breaks your heart.

“That’s all you think this is?”

Oh, you fucked up! This is not what it is, and you know it. You both had been trying to fight it off, to ignore the tension for over a year. Until you just couldn’t anymore and gave in.

It was clearly more than sex from the start. He didn’t even try to seduce you, and you were only going out on dates for weeks. And if he wanted sex, why he’d make such an effort when you’re sure he can get a girlfriend or a one-night stand or even escort services. He didn’t try to buy you. But would the office understand?

“No, James.” You kiss his other palm, trying to show him how you actually feel. “But I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“When would it be, then? Or would it ever be a good idea?”

He’s more than upset now, his chin is trembling and the way he keeps staring at you makes you want to cry.

Such a horrible situation…

“When I’ll change my job,” you murmur, stroking his cheeks. “This way, they wouldn’t call either of us names and your reputation would-”

“I don’t care about it, okay? About what they’d say about me, and I certainly wouldn’t let them talk shit about you. What you did for the company is amazing.”

You let out a humorless laugh. “I am your secretary, Bucky. My job is to please you and do the best to assure the company’s success.”

“Fucking bullshit!”

“Hey, it’s true. You know very well how people would talk about both of us, and rumors would spread, and sure, men would pat you on the back at first, but some might hate the scandal. And I would be treated like a...” You don’t want to finish your sentence; well aware he knows what you mean. “You cannot protect me from this no matter what you do. And you cannot ruin your company! Do you want to do this just for public claim?”

“I want to hold your hand so badly everywhere...” He sighs, moving his hands from your face to his own hair, pulling it a bit too harshly. “I want to be able to leave with you home and not make Sam wait for you on the parallel street.”

You know and you feel the same way. Sometimes you find yourself imagining how things would be if you gave in and just not care about it, but there’s about so much more than you. You know how important his partnerships are, how hard he actually worked. He might not be a billionaire, but he is very rich and affords many things. He pays everyone well, including you, as wrong as it might sound.

“I’m gonna think about it, okay? I love you so much!” You take a step closer, getting on your tiptoes so you can kiss him a little. “I am sorry for making you feel like this, you’re not my dirty secret. But I don’t regret saying yes to this meeting. You weren’t going to agree, and we both know this is really important. We can celebrate later or tomorrow night. We can go anywhere you want. Just know I love you.”

Bucky says nothing for a while, his face emotionless as he thinks about what you said.

“I love you, too. Now I want you to get your clothes off and get on the bed.”

You raise your eyebrows at the change in his attitude. What the fuck!

“What?”

“Don’t act as if you don’t want it. You were teasing me all morning. And during the breaks!”

You cannot even deny it because it’s true. Yesterday you were both too tired to even eat when you got home, let alone have sex, and you woke up really horny.

“Don’t you need to get ready?”

He smirks in that way that you hate so much, and you sigh.

“You got one minute, baby.”

You quickly take off your shirt and pants before unclasping the bra and placing it on the nearest bedside table. You let on your panties, eager to see him tear them off as you sit on the edge of the bed.

But he, surprisingly, doesn’t do that after he drops on his knees in front of you and spreading your legs.

You get on your elbows just to watch him. He smiles cheekily, happy with the extra attention you give him, as he hooks his finger around your underwear and moves it to the side, holding it there as he starts to lick your slit.

“Yesss!” You throw your head back, knowing how much you’re going to enjoy this.

He’s a little too slow compared to the usual, but it still feels good, especially when he brings his tongue to your entrance.

You manage to hold back for a while, not letting your hips move until you realize he doesn’t intend to change the pace. With your fingers through his hair and another hand grabbing the sheets, you try to get his tongue inside you faster. But he doesn’t want that either, so you pull his hair a bit harder out of frustration.

“If you want it slow, at least use that tongue on my clit.”

He snorts, amused and does what you told him without protesting. But instead of feeling better because he’s licking your clit, it’s even worse.

You both know that you hate when he’s doing it slowly, so that’s annoying you even more. It’s like he’s doing it on purpose.

You try to tilt your hips more, showing him he needs to hurry up, but he places his right hand on your tummy and pushes your back to the bed again.

“Come on, Bucky! What is this?”

He smiles against your clit and suddenly starts to lick faster. And faster. And faster.

“Yess, yess.”

You pictured him like this before you got together. You imagined countless of scenarios with him eating you out on his desk or on the couch in his office, in the car or in the meeting room. You did that so often it became a habit, but you didn’t expect it to be that good. And he’s somehow getting better every time. Even when he’s torturing you.

When he starts sucking on your clit, though? You feel on fire. You let out the loudest moan before grabbing his hair.

“Yes, sooo c-close. Gimmie a finger, Jamie.” His eyes are on you as you speak. “Please!”

He stops sucking just to breathe on your clit, making you shiver. “Now why would I do that?”

You open your eyes confused.

Does he mean he wants to fuck you?

You’d love that, truth be told, so you push him away a little and get on your ass on the bed. You immediately move your hands down, trying to find his bulge over his pants.

Yeah, you totally missed that.

“I guess foreplay is done. You can fuck me now.”

Bucky laughs. He laughs! Then he brings his hand to cover yours and helps you get a better feel of his cock. Fuck, he’s so hard!

“You want me to put it in you, don’t you?”

“I’m still close.” You whine, surprised by your own body reaction. “Just get inside me, okay?”

“Why would I do that, honey?”

You give him the most confused look ever. “W-what?”

“You’re not gonna come tonight. Or well, until I get back from my meeting. Not on my fingers, not on my mouth, and definitely not on my cock. “

The world is spinning around you. He’s not serious is he.

“Aww, what’s wrong? Who’s the one thinking only about sex now?”

“You’re joking, right?”

He cannot do this. He can’t...

“I should get ready for the meeting.” He tries to get up, but you grab his hand.

“Are you punishing me for doing the right thing for the company?”

He senses you are close to tears so he leans in to kiss your forehead. “No, baby, why would I punish you for that?”

“I don’t know...”

“Maybe this is for thinking our anniversary is not important for me” He cups your face. “But I promise tonight will be great.”

You can’t even say anything, squeezing your legs together, still turned on.

“No touching either. You don’t get to come until I come back, okay?”

You sigh, pouting. “I’ll try, daddy.”

Bucky bites his lip before he kisses you properly. “You won’t try, you will do it for daddy, okay?”

You nod, staring at his chest. “Can I help you clean?”

“As much as I’d love that, if we go in the shower together, I don’t think I’ll leave.”

Damn it... now you have to wait for hours.

[willowswiththorns]

I’ve noticed a drought in Jess Mariano x readers. I’m not use to writing fics so I’ll do some head canons for now. As always if you have any suggestions, my commissions are open. Thank you for reading - Willow

Jess Mariano Drabble

First thing that needs to be stated is that Jess Mariano is a complex character, so I am breaking him down by a few seasons at a time.

Season 2 :

Meeting Jess in Stars Hallow will be an interesting and almost intense experience. You’d meet either at Luke’s, in high school, or in the bookstore.

If you meet at Luke’s, you’d catch his eye. He wouldn’t say anything, but he would subtly make his presence known. A good example would be him helping Luke for the first time by bringing over your plate of food/drink before abruptly leaving the diner.

Now if you both meet at the bookstore, you would most definitely get his attention. He’ll sneak past you a few times, trying to peak and see what books you were looking at before finally saying something regarding the book. Once the conversation starts, it’ll last a good while and end with him giving you a book recommendation before heading out. He’ll give you one little last glance back.

If first meet at high school, it’ll be the least amount of interaction. You’d be sitting beside him in the back row of class, zoning out and looking around until your eyes fall on him. Jess isn’t paying attention to the lesson either, he’s more invested in a small book he snuck into class . He’s so zoned into the book, he doesn’t notice you staring into him. It wasn’t until the bell rang that he’d look over for a second and notice you. He’d stare at you, a bit confused before he’d get up to walk away.

Now the second time you bump into him, he’d seem a bit more comfortable with you. You’d be sitting on a bench by the gazebo reading when you feel movement by the space beside you. “Hey “ is all he’d say at first before looking down at your book. “The Virgin Suicide? That sounds interesting” he’d tease softly in his monotone voice. He’d then grab your book and take a look at the back “Jeez, this look depressing-“ he’d hand the book back and ask you your thoughts about it. You both would be talking about the plot about the book and how it was inspired by the author’s teenage babysitter. Needless to say you were both debating literature for a while.

After that quality time at the park, the chances of seeing Jess again is high. In fact, if he sees you around town, rest assured he’ll find his way over to you. He isn’t opened about his past with you, so deep talks are out the window. However, he’s open to chatting about day to day things in his life. Any conversation about your day to day life you’d notice how intently Jess listens in. He shows he listens to you, he even sometimes brings up small details you’ve mentioned briefly in conversation. The most you’ll hear if he talks is about his uncle or how the town’s people don’t like him that much except for maybe two girls, you and Rory.

You and Jess meet up a lot more after his trip to the Independence Inn wedding. However in most of his meet ups he seems a bit withdrawn, and you can’t help but wonder why. If you push for why a bit with Jess, he’ll grumble about how Rory kissed him. Needless to say the relationship gets a bit rocky from here, however if you comfort him well about the situation with Rory, he will come to you more about his feelings. Slowly but surely, you both become closer to each other, confiding to each other about each other’s past experiences. You open up to him about your living situation and lack of plans for the future, how you’re afraid of being alone but know staying with your parents past high school will only make you a financial burden onto them. He eventually opened up about how his dad wasn’t around, how his mom was unreliable and dumped him off to his uncle as soon as she couldn’t handle him anymore.

Season 3 :

The summer between you two is nothing short of amazing. He’s practically glued to your hip, and it’s a bit of gossip for the town of you both potentially dating. However neither you nor Jess has confessed any romantic feelings to each other, so the rumors were just that. You’d be found either at Luke’s with Jess, or Jess would be spotted sneaking up into your room to spend time with you. Lying down on his bed, you listened to Jess reading Howl by Allen Ginsburg out loud. He’s only holding the paperback with one hand while his other was in your hair, slowly letting his fingers scratch gently at your scalp. “ The wage they pay us is too low to live on. Tragedy reduced the numbers. This for the poor shepherds- Y/n?“ he’d only pause once he’d realized your usual commentary was replaced with soft almost quiet snores. With a sign, he’d put the book on his nightstand and got more comfortable so he can join you in your little nap.

Your feelings regarding Jess definitely have grown over the summer together, sadly it wasn’t too long before he was caught making out with the girl from your science class, Shane. He was still around more and still having the habits of cuddling in bed reading with you or looking at records together at a store, it’s just sometimes Shane would invite herself. Shane was always very touchy and flirty with Jess, but she was never really heinous to you. The only time she’d show agitation with you is if she wants alone time with Jess and even then you’d find Jess sneaking into your room later that night to see you.

With your now duo becoming a trio, you had gotten to get to know Shane more and actually got along with her well. She offers you any hair tips and tricks since she works at the Beauty Supply. Other than the awkward times where both Jess and Shane would have awkward acts of PDA in the most random places, being able to hang out with them is a pleasant experience.

Once Rory comes back to town it becomes a bit more tense of an environment. Even though Shane doesn’t notice Jess using her to make Rory jealous, you notice almost right away. Trying to talk to Jess about the situation only makes him mad and shut down completely with you, so much so that you don’t accompany him and Shane to the 24 hour dance. You find out rather quickly that shit hits the fan when you see a crying Shane at your door, explaining everything that went down. After comforting her and walking her home, you decide to stop by Luke’s only to find that Jess isn’t home. Luke mentions that he’d pass the word to Jess that you stopped by. With that you head home.

Once Jess and Rory’s relationship became public, it has become clear that any free time would go to his new girlfriend. Seeing Jess occasionally is bittersweet, the most he’d do when seeing you around town is use the free hand that’s not wrapped around Rory to wave to you. It isn’t until one night he comes to you all frustrated, not telling you what’s happening to make him upset. He doesn’t really open up until a few hours later into the night after you get him in a more comfortable spot. Everything about his life that’s bugging him, Rory and his love life, flunking out of school, bumping into his father for the first time, and the town hating him are all reasons as to why he’s upset. It wasn’t until you slowly tried to hug him that he looked at you. Jess isn’t the type of guy to cry in front of anyone, but just looking him in the eye you can tell he’s exhausted. Grabbing his hand, you slowly dragged him into bed, making sure he took his shoes off before putting the blankets on the both of you. “You don’t need to do this, this was a mistake-“ You smiled and shushed him , curling up next to him. “ Shut up and sleep. Goodnight Jess” As you slowly drifted off to sleep, you hear him whisper a goodnight to you.

When you wake up, the bed is empty. There was no trace of him still being in your room. A little bit of panic hits you as you get up and grab your phone to dial to Luke’s. Luke picks up and when you ask if Jess made it home safely, he hesitant to answer. After a little bit of pushing, Luke tells you that Jess skipped town.

Season 4 :

It’s been a long while since you’ve seen Jess, but the memories of him still stick with you. The most memorable thing is that last night between the two of you. How he let you curled up against him and how his arms slowly wrapped up around your body. Your parents are concerned about how you lock yourself in your room unless you have to go to work. They force you to get out the house for the festivities in town. The ghost of him lingers everywhere you go, it’s a shock when you see a glimpse of Jess at one of the town’s festivals. You see him chase after Rory and you can’t help but feel your heart swell. With slowly steps, you go to Jess’s car as you see him quickly run from Rory to his car to drive away.

Jess almost hits you on his way out of town. His brain has sent him reeling so much over the fact that he confessed to Rory that he almost hits you. Seeing you in front of his car with the look of pure fear and heartbreak in your eyes fills his chest with guilt and dread. He never truly said goodbye to you, but he wasn’t never the best at goodbyes. Not being able to handle any more heartbreak, he turned his car around you so he could speed away.

At this point the thought of Jess sends feelings of loneliness strike through you. He’s a runner from all his responsibilities, not thinking about who he hurts. All the times you both spent together just for him to leave not once but twice without even uttering a goodbye to you.

One morning eating at Luke’s, an older woman comes in asking if Luke was around. Since your mouth was full of fries, you pointed at Luke talking to Lorelai. With in a matter of seconds Luke pulls this mystery woman to the kitchen to bicker and argue before the woman walks off upstairs.

After a few days of ease-dropping, you find out that the mystery woman Luke was arguing about was actually his sister, Jess’s mother. She and her fiance, TJ, were planning their renaissance wedding in the town’s square. After one day of eating at Luke’s and looking at some jewelry that Liz had out for sale, she asks about who you were. Smiling, you explain how you eat here regularly and was actually a friend of Jess. Liz’s smile beamed bright as she’d grab your arm “ You should come to TJ and My’s wedding! I’m sure Jess would love to see you there!” You smile and look down at your shoes before awkwardly answering with a small, “I don’t think he’ll want to see me-“ Shed cut you off “ Nonsense! Please come, me and TJ would love for you to join us!” With a small sign, you agreed to come.

The day of the wedding was delightful to say the least. You asked Mrs Patty if she had any renaissance themed clothes you could wear to the wedding, and she brought out a very pretty gown she had in her costume closet she has for her dancers. The town square was filled with people in costumes, you’d fit in just fine. Finding a place to sit was a bit difficult, but a man who claimed to be TJ’s brother let you sit up a row in front of Luke and Lorelai. “Lorelai you look amazing!” You’d say, spin around to talk to the woman behind you. She’d show a beautiful smile and reply back “thanks hon! You look great too! I think I actually sewed that up for one of Mrs Patty’s recitals last year-“ you let out a little chuckle “ I guess I got busted, yeah I borrowed it from Patty” you both chat a bit more until you see Jess walk down the isle. Your eyes met before you’d force yourself to look away. As Liz and TJ got to the alter, Jess takes a seat next to you. You can feel his gaze dig into the side of your face as you try to keep your eyes on the ceremony. After the wedding, you do your best to keep your distance from Jess. It’s better to just be away from him rather than let him hurt you by leaving unannounced again. When the after party ends, you’re quick to make your way home, reminding yourself to just drop off the dress to Patty tomorrow morning.

As you’re making your way over the bridge you hear Jess call out to you. You try to speed walk more but to no avail, you feel a strong hand grip your wrist and pulled you towards him. “ Jess-“ you’d cry out in shock as he holds you close. Looking up, you can see the anguish in his eyes, his face trying to not be too expressive as he tries to find out what to say. “ y/n….I” you try to pull away but he doesn’t budge. “ I know I left and I’m sorry. I miss you, and I love you…” you shake your head “ you can’t just come back after leaving me twice and god!” You push him away “ you can’t just say you love me!” Tears slowly started to form as you try to walk away again, him tailing close behind. “ I’m different now! I know you couldn’t count on me before but you can now! It’s different I promise. We can leave together, right now! “ You stop your walk and turn to him. “ what’re you talking about? “ he’d grab your hands and get closer to you. “Let’s go. We can leave this town and be together. We don’t need to stay here y/n. Please, you can count on me now I promise.” The both of you stand awkwardly on the bridge now, not sure what to do. You stand there for a minute and ponder your choices. You can either say no and go back to your home or you can say yes and run away with the man you fell in love with years ago.

You look away and let go of his hands. “ Jess I…” you started but Jess sighs “ forget it. It was stupid to ask…” with a turn, he starts to walk away. “Wait! Jess- “ you yelled out again. “ what?” He asked, stopping abruptly and turning back to you. “ I thought about it… with my work and my family I should say no.” The look of rejection plastered on his face. You let out a weak laugh, tears now streaming down your face as you finished.

“But I love you too, and I’d be a fool to let you leave me again. Help me pack?”

Season 6 :

You both have had your ups and downs these past few months. Jess rooms with a few guys he works with up in a Philadelphia bookshop, meanwhile you’ve saved up enough for a cute little apartment from the two jobs you’ve been working at nonstop since you ran away. Jess usually spends the night at the bookstore, but when you’re both off he prefers to stay at your studio apartment.

Tonight you were celebrating the release of Jess’s first book. He has it set up and ready to sell to the public, but for tonight he’s all yours. He’d let out a low chuckle as you’d wrap your arms around his waist, kissing up his neck before hiding your face. “ Congratulations honey~” you’d whisper softly, your breath tickling his neck. His hands slowly play with your hair as he uses his free hand to take a sip of his champagne. “ thank you.” He whispered back, turning his head to you so he could place a little kiss on your head.

Day of the book being released to the public was a very hectic one to say the least. The room that was usually quiet and empty was now packed with people. Jess stayed close to you as he talked to customers, his hand gently on the small of your back. The smile on his face grew as he saw Luke and his niece, April enter the store. You both immediately go to the pair and greet them. Luke giving both you and Jess a strong hug. The conversation was pleasant as you mostly just listened to the three talk amongst themselves. Another familiar face meets your vision and you tense up a little. Jess feels you tense up and follows your stare to see none other than Rory Gilmore. She smiles and says hi to you both, and you let out a small hi before looking at the ground. Everyone resumes talking as you zone out.

After Luke and April wave goodbye and head out, so did many other customers as the store was getting ready to close. You and a few of the guys who also own the place start cleaning up as Rory and Jess talk. You do your best to not listen to their conversation, but curiosity consumed you. Their conversation was pretty tame for the most part, but something in you can sense that Rory misses Jess in some ways. As you see her lean in for a kiss, Jess stops her and gets up. He wishes her a safe trip home and gives her a small hug before walking over to you, his hand grabbing yours as he walked Rory out with you.

When Rory left, you looked up at Jess with worried eyes. You trusted Jess completely and have been through everything with him, but some part of you feared he might still have friends with Rory. It seemed Jess could read that off your expression almost instantly and tried to reassure you. “ You know I love you and only you, right?” He’d ask you, his hand slowly moving to be around your waist. You’d give a small nod, looking away. You hated how easily he could read you now. A small smile would form on his face as he’d move you to face him. “ She’s my friend and that’s it. I promise. I love you y/n. “ he’d tell you before slowly leaning in to kiss your lips.

AYITL :

It’s been years now, the both of you have already tied the knot and been together for nearly a decade now. You both agreed to get married, but not have a big reception like everyone else. In fact, the people who came to watch you and Jess get married was Jess’s family. Now you both live together in a nice apartment, enjoying the married life. Jess is working on his book and overall working on his self improvement more, meanwhile you are working your dream job and helping Jess out with his new book he’s writing.

When Jess mentions heading back to the small town you both met at, you were a bit nervous. You hadn’t seen your family since the night you ran away with Jess. Sometimes you wondered how they were doing, if you leaving ever really hurt them in some way. Dread and guilt hit you like a freight train at the thought. There was only one time you tried to call your parents during the first few months after you ran away, and even then hearing them pick up and ask who was calling scared you so much, you hung up almost instantly. Jess had to hold you that night as you cried. The memory alone made you feel sick, however you know going with Jess was the right approach.

Entering Stars Hallow sent you back to the time you were a young teen. It was like the town has barely changed, and by the look in Jess’s face, he seemed to feel the same. After parking the truck, you both walked up into Luke’s Diner. Luke looked a little older now, but he seemed the same as the many years before. The older man was quick to come and hug you both, welcoming you in for food. You watched the both of them talk for a bit before spotting your mom walking into the diner. Your eyes met hers as she stood there in shock to see you. The fear of her hating you for running away without a goodbye flooded back. “ Mom-“ You were cut short by your mom running over to hug you tightly. Both Jess and Luke seemed a bit tense, watching the scene unfold. “ I’m so sorry.. leaving the way I did. I know you probably don’t forgive me for leaving. I’m sorry” Tears started to well up as you apologized. “ I’m sorry for leaving you and Dad, I just didn’t know how to tell you-“ Your mom shushes you gently and doesn’t let go. “ You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay, Jess reached out a few years ago in your behalf and kept us updated. We’re just happy you’re happy honey.”

After that nice encounter, it felt like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You let Jess go to the gazette to visit Rory as you talked to your mother some more. The idea of Jess and Rory use to plague your mind of worry, however Jess has done nothing but be loyal to you so the fear overtime vanished. You showed your mother the wedding ring you have and smiled. For the rest of the day, you spent time with your family, you did have a decade of time to catch up on with them.

Later that night you came to Luke’s upper apartment to sleep. Luke moved into the Gilmore house a few years ago, so he loans out the upper apartment for you and Jess to stay In whenever you both were in town. Yawning, you kicked off your shoes and stripped off your clothes so you could change into your pajamas. Jess came out of the bathroom, stretching as he watched you change. “ How did I get so lucky to have you?” He’d ask, walking over to you and kissing your neck. The feeling of his lips on your skin makes you shutter slightly, a blush creeping onto your cheeks. “ Hmmm I don’t know babe~” you’d tease playfully and in red he’d let out a fake gasp of shock to play along. The kisses up your neck and jawline didn’t halt however, he was just getting started. “ God I love you so much “ he’d whisper in your ear before turning you to face him. You both locked eyes as pressed yourself against him. His eyes were filled with love and adoration for you. He is the love of your life, and you are the love of his life. With a loving smile, you kiss him on the lips. He tried to deepen the kiss, however you push him away for only a second. You only had one thing to tell him before you’d continue .

“ I love you too Jess.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you guys enjoyed this. I’m running on a few hours of sleep, so if the pacing or grammar is a bit off I’m so sorry. I tried to keep true to the timeline and add more details to it. I also wanted to add more information towards y’all’s character, but if you don’t like the family part I totally get it. Please let me know what y’all think in the comments. My commissions are open so let me know 🥰 thank you guys again for reading and supporting my writing. Have a wonderful day everyone! - Willow

[justmeinadaze]

Pushing the Barrier Part 3 (Eddie X Reader) 

A/N: Like you guys I am extremely invested in their story. My brain has been all over the place so please excuse any grammatical errors. Holiday seasons are always harder for me. I love you guys and your thoughts on this story. I read them all <3

Warnings: I don't want reveal too much and spoil things but still got stripper Eddie here. He does talk and break down in great detail his trauma and the things he deals with. :(. Word Count: 3967

You slipped out of his apartment early in the morning while Eddie was still sleeping. You couldn’t sleep at all. The entire cab ride to your apartment you thought about last night. Everything about Eddie and the way he made you feel was amazing. That look in his eyes and the tone in his voice though remained front and center in your brain. 

“I’m waiting for you.”

No matter what, you would end up hurting him. Hell, you were hurting him now. You were married to someone else. Your last name was someone elses. You did not belong to Eddie. Yes, your husband was an asshole but he was a good man once, right? Why else did you marry him?

“Excuse me, can you take me here instead please?”

You gave the cab driver the address as he swiveled around. 

#############

When you walk into your husband’s office, his head is buried in paperwork. His eyes flick up towards you as you enter but he doesn’t move to greet you. 

“Must have had a good time last night. You didn’t come home.”

“I stayed with a friend.” He answered with a sarcastic hm. “What did you expect? You yelled at me and said I looked like a whore.” Your husband exhaled as he leaned back in his gigantic chair. “Honestly, I’m surprised you even noticed I didn’t come home. You’re never there.”

“Here we go again. Look—”

You raise your hand to silence him. “Please. I… I’m your wife. I miss you, honey. Don’t you miss me when you’re here?” His eyes softened as he watched you speak. “Do you remember our first date? We stayed out all night walking around the city and just talked till the sun came up.” You both chuckle at the memory. “I miss that. I miss how we used to be. I’m so sick of being alone.”

You husband rose and walked to your side of his desk, leaning down on his knees to get to your level. “I miss you to, baby. I know I’ve been really busy here. I’m trying to make it to where soon I won’t have to work so hard. I promise I’ll do better, sweetheart.” 

Eddie flashed in your head at the name and you tried to shake the image. You craned your neck, planting your lips on his. “Ok, I trust you. I love you.”

“I love you to, baby.”

###################

“Hello?” You answer the phone and are surprised when Mira’s lyrical voice comes through. 

“Hey mama. It’s been a couple of weeks since you’ve come by. Is everything ok?”

“Yes? Do you do this check up with everyone who stops showing up?” You try to keep your voice low so your husband doesn’t wonder who you’re talking to. It was a Saturday and to your surprise he was actually trying to make good on his promise. You two had been watching television when the phone rang. 

“No, baby. I actually have a favor to ask. Can you come by and see Eddie?”

Your heart dropped to your stomach. “Wha…I…um…”

“I don’t ask questions. I told you; we pride ourselves on privacy so I don’t know what happened between you two but since you stopped showing up his entire attitude has changed. He’s a lot more feisty than normal. I actually had to give out a refund for a client experience and send him home the other day. He’s a good man but if this keeps up I may have to fire him.”

“No! Mira, don’t do that.”

“He’s working a short shift today. I don’t have anyone booked for him and I won’t even charge you for this little counseling session. Just please, get his mind right.”

You sigh as you hang up the phone. 

“Who was that?”, your husband asks as you head back towards him. 

“One of my friends needing a pick me up. Her boyfriend broke up with her.”

“Oh no. Well, baby, you should go check on her. Bring some of the hard stuff.”, he points toward your liquor cabinet. 

You climb into his lap and kiss him on the forehead making him chuckle. “I’ll be right back.”

#################

You feel extremely nervous as you open the door to Eddie’s room. When your eyes land on him your heart breaks in half. While he still looks handsome in his jeans and Metallica shirt, his eyes look worn as if he hasn’t slept in days. His head was leaning against his fingers as they pressed into his temple. He stared into his own reflection angrily. 

“Hey Eddie.”

His eyes widened as he quickly got to his feet and marched toward the glass in front of him. 

“Turn this fucking thing off NOW.” When you don’t respond or do what he asks he slams his palm into the glass causing you to jump. “You snuck out of my apartment. No note or anyway to reach you. You disappear for two weeks. I think I earned the right to see your face. Unless you’re too much of a fucking coward.”

He laughs to himself as he sits back down. “God damn, Sweetheart. What the fuck was I thinking? I guess we both had each other pegged wrong, huh? I thought you were different but, nope, you’re just like everyone else. I’m surprised you didn’t leave some money on my nightstand before you left.”

“Eddie, please. That’s not what this was.”

“Then what was it!?”

“I really do care about you but I owe it to the man I married to try.”

“Y/N, what the fuck are you talking about? He doesn’t give a fuck about you. With everything you’ve told me what makes you think this time is going to be any different?!”

“Eddie, you don’t know me or my relationship! He was a good man once and he really has been trying.”

“Oh yeah? Then why are you back here with me?”

“Because Mira told me that she was going to fire you if you didn’t get your shit together!”

He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Eddie, you can’t afford to lose this job.”

His eyes angrily turned towards the front of the cube. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to pretend like you care about my well-being. Just get the fuck out of here and go back to your ‘blissful’ marriage.”

You flick the switch, turning off the two-way mirror and meet his fury filled stare. “I’m doing this because I care, Eddie.”

“Naw, baby. You’re doing this because you care about you. I should have known better. Selfish just like everyone else who enters my life.”

“I don’t want you to wait for me.” His head turns abruptly at your words. “I can’t have you waiting for me. It’s not fair to you.” You hug your arms around you. “You deserve to be with someone who puts you first.”

“So do you…” He sighs before you notice his eyes light up with an idea. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Can you grab Mira for me?”

Without question you leave the room, grabbing Mira, and bringing her to Eddie. You wait outside in the hallway as the talk. After a few minutes she exits, smiling. 

“Man is crafty; I’ll give him that. This way my dear.” She takes your hand in hers and leads you towards the back of the building but instead of going out the back door, you two pass it looping around to another hallway. Mira digs in her pocket for a set of keys and opens the door in front of her gesturing you inside. “If at any point you feel uncomfortable, you can just open the door and leave. It’s only locked to keep people out, not in.”

When you step inside the lights above you automatically turn on. You glance around taking note of the familiar throne chair and the guitar leaning next to it. Taking a seat, you look in front of you and are met with only your reflection. 

“It’s a bit odd at first, I know.” You glance above you at the sound of Eddie’s voice. “I have to admit, I’ve never been on this side before. It’s kind of empowering.” You smile softly as you stand up and move towards the front of the glass. 

“I thought maybe it might help a bit to put you in my shoes. In the corner there is my jacket. You can put it on if you want to.”

You do put on his leather jacket, inhaling the smell of his cologne. 

“Go ahead, Princess. Take a seat.” Doing as he asks, you sit in the throne again, gazing at your image in the mirror. “Now, picture this. You’re a 20 something year old man from a small town in Indiana. You left your friends and uncle, the only family you care about, behind to move to New York to make something of yourself.”

“What about my parents? Where are they?”

His silence is tearing you apart. You would give anything to just be able to see his face. 

“Your parents don’t talk to you anymore. Your dad is an abusive dickhead who’s in prison for pretty much the rest of his life and your mom surrendered you over to your uncle when you were a kid because she didn’t want to deal with you.”

A tear escaped your eye and you quickly wiped it away. You suddenly hear a soft knock on the glass in front of you and your eyes move towards the sound. 

“You’d been struggling to make ends meet so you do some research and find Mira’s place here. You start doing this gig for strangers and 98% of them you can’t see. Some of them are extremely dirty.” His tone changes to much more gruff, authoritative one. “Take off your pants.”

You look up at the glass, your eyes searching frantically for him. Eddie’s voice comes through a bit more sternly. “I said take off your pants.” You do as your told, rising off the chair and pushing off your jeans, kicking them to the side. 

“Good girl. Keep the shirt and jacket on. You look fucking sexy like that.” You felt your pussy start to drip at his words but something still felt off. It wasn’t the Eddie you had come to know. He wasn’t in front of you with that soft voice, telling you how beautiful you are. This really felt like someone else behind a window that only wanted one thing. 

“Spread your legs open. Atta girl. Move your panties to the side so I can see that pretty cunt.” You did as he asked as his heavy breathing echoed into the cube

“Eddie, please tell me what you’re doing over there.”

“Oh no, Princess. You don’t get to ask me questions. I tell you what to do. Come here, babe. Crawl to the front on your hands and knees for me.” You hear the sound of his grunts as you move towards him. You place your palm against the glass and you can’t see it but he does the same. 

A string of expletives including words like “slut” and “whore” leave his mouth as he pants. You suddenly hear his breathing slow and then nothing but silence. 

You feel yourself start to panic. “Eddie?” You smack the glass. “Eddie, are you still there?!”

“Now, imagine,” you breathe a sigh of relief as he continues in his soft Eddie tone. “One night, this beautiful voice comes through. She just wants to talk to you about things. Mostly about how her husband abandons her at night to fall asleep alone. Sometimes he doesn’t come home and one night when she was feeling particularly beautiful, he told her she looked a whore.”

You feel the anger slowly rise into your chest as your bottom lip begins to tremble. He knocks again a little further to your left so you shuffle towards it, knocking back. 

“This beautiful voice finally allows you to see her face, taste her lips, feel her body. She falls asleep in your bed but then the next morning you wake up and she’s gone. You could try calling her but you don’t have her phone number and Mira won’t give it to you because ‘we pride ourselves on privacy’,” he mimics her voice. “You can’t go to her apartment because you don’t know where she lives. The only place you’ve ever seen her is in there,” Eddie points to the glass, “and at a restaurant. Every day for the next two weeks you check in that restaurant thinking she may show up but she doesn’t. You play your gig at the bar she saw you at praying she may show up looking for you but nope.”

“You sit in that glass confinement for two…weeks… waiting,” Eddie flips the switch and his upset eyes meet your sad ones. “Then she finally shows up and says she owes it to her husband to try because she cares about you.” He tilts his head, watching your face.

“Eddie, I’m… I’m so sorry.”

“Why do you stay with him?”

You shrug as the tears start to fall. “He’s my husband. I—”

“Don’t say that again. Don’t say you owe him. You owe him shit especially with how he treats you. Do you honestly believe he’ll change? You need to leave him.”

 “Would you?! What if the tables were turned?” You stand up and tower over him. “What if I told you this bothered me? You being naked and jacking off in front of people made me angry? What if I said I couldn’t be with someone who does something like this? What if I said ‘Eddie, it’s me or this’? What would you do?” Eddie glares up at you as you yell through the glass and you don’t even wait for an answer. 

“Yeah. That’s what I fucking thought. So don’t you dare stand there and tell me what to do with my life!” You watch was he turns with clenched fists and exits the room slamming the door. “Oh, that’s nice. AND I’M THE FUCKING COWARD!” You scream after him as you repeatedly slam the barrier in front of you.

The door behinds you suddenly opens as Eddie flies through it until he’s in front of you. His hand reaches out to grip your chin, making you look directly at him. 

“I would choose you. I would choose you every fucking time. No questions asked.” His hand released you but his body remained where it was. “If you want to go play house with your husband go ahead. That’s not going to stop me from waiting for you.”

Your jaw tightens as you swallow and Eddie sees it. “Oh yeah? And how many girls have you said that to? How many times have you sat in here and said something that to someone you’re attracted to?”

His face visibly flinches as his chest rises and falls heavily.

“I’m not going to stand here and pretend like I’ve never found other women I’ve seen in here attractive. The ones that have actually allowed me to see them. You, Y/N, are the only person I’ve actually ran after when they walked out of this room. You are the only woman ever since I moved here that I’ve invited to see me play with my band. YOU are the only person on this fucking planet that I would stick around for even though I know I’m her second choice.”

“Eddie, fuck! It’s things like that. You deserve better than being someone ‘second choice’.”

“And so do you. Look, whether it’s work or…something else that man is always putting you second. No matter how you choose to defend it.”

Eddie reaches his hand out to gently caress your cheek with his thumb. “Y/N, you were just gone.”, his voice comes out barely above a whisper. You tackled your arms around his waist and his arms came down around you, pressing you against him. “If you want to try with your husband, I respect that. I don’t agree with it but I respect it. Just… please don’t disappear again.”

####################

You left Eddie that day with a mutual agreement of remaining friends. You even exchanged phone numbers with him and on days you were home alone you called him, telling him about your day and vice versa. 

One day you invited him to your school to have lunch with you. Eddie marveled at you from outside your classroom door. You looked so cute sitting on your desk swinging your legs as you talked to the glass. When you glanced towards the door and saw him, you eagerly waived him in. 

“Who’s that?” a girl near the front row giggled as he came in.

“Guys, this is my friend Eddie. Eddie, these are my pain in the butt freshman.” They laughed at you as he gave them a small wave. “Go ahead and sit down. The periods almost over.”, you whisper to him. 

You continue with your lesson on the book in your hand and after a few minutes a bell chimes. “Please, for the love of God, keep up with your reading. On Monday, we’re going to talk about your next project, okay?! Have a good weekend!”

You smile as they murmur goodbyes before speeding out of the room. 

“You good at this stuff.” Eddie grins as he grabs the book from your hands. You take the food out of the bag he brought, crossing your legs on your desk as you dig in. “The Great Gatsby. Did we have to read this in school?”

“Well, I’m not sure about Indiana but here it is part of their freshman curriculum. Have you read it?”, Eddie shakes his head as he places the book on the desk. “It’s about a man named Gatsby who loves a woman named Daisy. She’s married to this rich aristocrat guy so Gatsby spends his life trying to become rich enough for her. Her cousin moves in next door to him so he uses him to his advantage.”

“Oof. Sounds complicated as hell.” He laughs as he starts eating his own food. “Tell me more. I like hearing you talk about it.” You flash him a questioning look. “The way you talk about the material, you get more animated. If I was their age and you were my teacher, I may actually have read the book.” Eddie smiles as you laugh at him. “What happens in the end?”

“It doesn’t end happily. Long story short, Daisy stays with her husband and Gatsby dies.”

You both avoid eye contact as you pick at your plate. “So, um, how’s work been? Better?”

Eddie chuckles. “Mira didn’t fire me if that’s what you’re asking. Yeah, everything’s gone back to normal, I guess. What about your husband? Still being good?”

You scrunch your nose at his word choice. “Yeah. I mean, there have been a few nights he’s stayed late at work but it’s not as bad as before. He actually took me out to this really nice restaurant the other night.” You dare to sneak a peek at him as you talk. Eddie continues looking down at his food, nodding his head. 

Reaching towards him, you tenderly place your hand on his arm. “Thank you.”

He gently grazes your fingers with his own, almost as if he’s afraid to touch you too much. “Not a problem, Princess.”

#################

“Honey, you alright?” Your husband taps your arm. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry I just zoned out for a bit.” You laugh at yourself as you shake your head. 

The phone on the wall rings and he leans back to answer it. His eyes flick towards you before he makes a small mhmm noise and pulls the phone from his lips. “It’s my boss. I’m going to take it in the other room. Would you mind hanging this one up for me?”

“Yeah sure.”

“Thanks, sweetheart.” He doesn’t see your face cringe at the name as he kisses your forehead before jogging down the hallway. “Ok! I got it!”

“Ok!” You don’t know what possessed you in that moment but instead of hanging up the phone, you put it up to your ear covering the mouthpiece with your hand. 

“I can’t, baby. Not tonight. I already told you. I’m on thin ice with my wife.”

“Don’t you baby me. I thought you said you loved me!”

“I do, Sarah. I do but—”

“But you love her more!”

*sigh* “Look, don’t move, okay? I’ll be right there.”

You hang up the phone and thirty seconds later your husband rounds the corner. “Honey, I’m so sorry. They need me to come down for a few hours to work on this project. I shouldn’t be there to long.”

You stare at him with wide eyes as your brain runs a mile a minute. “You should go. Definitely don’t want to keep your boss waiting.”

##################

The moment Eddie opens his front door your lips are on his as you jump into his arms.

“Whoa! Sweetheart…hang on…a minute.” He barely gets the words out as you keep trying to keep his mouth on yours. “Please…Jesus H. Christ.” 

He somehow manages to tear you off him, placing your feet on the floor. Eddie’s long fingers brush your hair back and out of your eyes. They were extremely worn and heavy from crying. The whiskey on your breath hung around you like a storm cloud. “What happened, Princess?”

You reach towards him attempting to run your hands along his bare chest but he catches them in midair to hold them in his own. “Talk later. Fuck me now.”

“Okay, that would be the alcohol.” You swayed drunkenly in his grasp. Rolling your eyes, you pull away from him and throw yourself down on his bed. You reach for him with little grabby hands. “I’ll make you deal. You take a nap and then when you wake up, we’ll revisit this conversation, ok?

You giggle, nodding your head as your heavy eyelids start to droop. Eddie sits on the edge of his mattress beside you, delicately removing your shoes and socks. “I’m going to take off your pants to make you more comfortable, ok? This is not a sexy invitation.” He smiles and you nod again.

After he completes his task, he maneuvers your body so you’re under the covers. “Should I call your husband and let him know you’re here? I can say your friend is with you and I’m her boyfriend or something.”

With your eyes still closed, you scoff as you turn your head towards the sound of his voice. “Fuck him. He won’t even be home. He’s with Sarah.” You giggle but Eddie notices your bottom lip shake as your voice cracks. 

He blinks into the void as his mind pieces together the little information he has in front of him. “Oh Princess. I’m so sorry.”

You were silent so he assumed you had fallen asleep. He rose with the intention of sleeping on the couch when your hand flew out in his direction. “Eddie… please don’t leave me.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll just be on the couch right over there.”

You shook your head, pulling at his arm. “Please. I’ll fucking break the glass if I have to.”

It took him a moment to understand what your drunk mind was trying to convey. “Y/N, there’s no glass here.” Eddie crawls into the bed beside you and you immediately press your small frame to his side as your head falls to his chest. He reaches for your hands and intertwines his fingers with yours. “No barrier. I’m right here, Sweetheart. I’ll be right next to you when you wake up.” ###################

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[emilycollins00]

Hiii I don't know if you would write it (it's okay if you don't) but to change the tone a bit, could you do a list of toxic traits/red flags of the troupes members? I saw it in another fandom and thought it would be interesting! love your stuff btw

Thank you for waiting love!! 💕 That said, hope you are still around aksdjkdn it's been a while.

I wasn’t sure if you meant in a relationship or just in general, so I went with the flow a bit and did whatever felt more suitable for each at the time (hence why some are longer)

Warning: I focused on showing bad traits and exploiting them so my apologies if any fan doesn’t like what I chose, don’t take it too much to heart!

A3! and their toxic traits

Sakuya – Conflict avoidance / Insecure

He struggles to voice what he wants because he’s afraid of upsetting others, this leads to Sakuya never deciding anything which can become kinda... vexing.

Of course, when there’s a fight he just doesn't wants to argue, and definitely avoids discussing certain topics. Not to say he’ll just apologize, but he will often try to find a solution (even if it doesn’t make much sense) to pretend it’s all good and everyone is content when in reality, no ones is.

Itaru – Childish / Half-assed

Has a tendency to talk about people behind their back when they do something that upsets him, instead of talking it out.

Sometimes going out with him feels like babysitting. He tends to complain if he’s in a place he didn’t want to be. It’s his day off and you two already saw one another three days ago, couldn’t he just have stayed at home?

Incredibly bad memory when it comes to remembering special occasions but try asking him when is the birthday of his favorite character… or maybe don’t.

Masumi – Overly intense / Tunnel focus

This boy’s downfall are relationships. Masumi has incredibly intense feelings – that’s no surprise, so when he finally falls the beginning is perfect, almost fairytale like.

But then he asks opinions about choosing a wedding venue. Asks about a having kids. When going to the store he even begins to look for baby clothes. First week gone and he’ll want to meet with in-laws. Want to move in together.

He loves so much that it’s overbearing and doesn’t realize how pressuring he is – how fast he’s willing to move everything. Still, what’s there to think? Their partner must want the same thing.

Chikage – Righteous / Emotionally Distant

Being with him, whether it’s in a romantic relationship or friendship, is emotionally draining.

While people pour everything they have into their relationships, Chikage, aside from the people from Mankai, won't even be half as invested. And all the time, patience, and effort that should've come from both parties is off unbalance which ofc turns into an eventual distance.

IF he’s ever confronted about it he sighs, because as expected, it now has become a tiring task for him. People know he’s usually like this. Why getting angry or bothered by his persona? It’s not like he was lying or anything to anyone.

Tsuzuru – Workaholic/ Untrustworthy

I think at first his relationships would be great. Tsuzuru does try to make time for friends/partners/family after all.

But sooner than later, he’s again cramped up with scriptwriting, uni, work... you name it.  People notice the pressure he’s under, so he’s usually proposed to take a break, to go with someone somewhere, but he just doesn’t listen. 

He will be apologetic “I’m so sorry, I have to complete this before the end of... “I forgot we were…” “I’ll make it up to you next time!” and it’s understandable, but he’s always like this.

If anyone insist too much, he might get irritated and snap, and if the person snaps back or leave he does realize how badly he messed up… but half the time, he won’t make a move. He’ll tell himself to talk it later.

Citron – Toxic Positivity / Overthinker

King of no one can be mad if we don’t focus on the issue? A little bit tactless given the situation as well.

And god bless him but while he takes notice if anyone is not feeling well, partner or not, he decides to be absolutely oblivious to their bad moods. If they want to talk about it he doesn’t get it either. Why is everyone upset about it, at least it’s over now!

Doesn’t like taking responsibility for his actions, making excuses to justify his behavior.

Tenma – Accusatory / Invasive

Always has something to say, no matter the argument – even if he's clearly the one in the wrong. Instead of working it out rationally, he shifts the blame away and pins it on the other person, guilt-tripping into thinking he's the one compromised.

If others were indeed wrong however, prepare for a non-stop nagging for days to come. If driven by his ego, this will escalate and in eeeevery conflict, this will be brought up.

In a relationship Tenma thinks he has the right to intervene in his partner’s personal affairs, meaning if they have something going on or someone they have a problem with, he’s going to lash out even if he was asked to leave it alone. What-? Why are you mad? You should be thanking him!

Muku – Pessimist / Passive

He want to know everything about everyone and in a relationship, his partner is always free to tell him about their problems… but that’s when troubles begin.

Overly sensitive, and when stresses he’s the type to blame himself in any situation which makes dealing with him kind of exhausting after a while.

That said, despite his kind self, Muku is overly passive in his communication. He often avoids direct confrontation, leading to unresolved issues which given his pessimistic nature as well have him tensed all the time awaiting when his actions might turn against him.

Since it really always his fault, you don’t have to remind him.

Misumi – Uncommunicative / Dismissive

Misumi, as many here, has a tendency to avoid confrontation and suppress his emotions, leading to communication barriers and unresolved issues in any type of relationship.

As it goes, this lack of communication prevents any relationship from progressing and resolving underlying issues, creating a stiff dynamic... at least from other people's view, since Misumi likes to get over things quickly and expects everyone to do the same. A little bit tactless in that sense.

This includes having a hard time taking the blame. He wants it to be on everyone. Even if it’s his fault, the closest anyone’s ever going to get is something like Mmm we all said and did things we shouldn’t, right? let’s try to move on!

Kumon – Overwhelming / Unattentive

He doesn’t even know he usually speaks over or interrupts others but definitely knows he has the need to protect their partner.

He’s so deluded into thinking he’s doing a good thing by pulling their partner away from the slightest danger. Sidewalk is too crowded? He’ll insist to walk on the busy road. Too hot today? Maybe it’s better to stay inside. He pulls everyone away every time he thinks they are close to getting hurt. At first it’s nice, but does become suffocating.

And if it's his partner tells him they don’t need his help, he’ll laugh before assisting anyway.

In general relations sometimes he will not stop even if you can’t keep up with him if he’s too excited. He’s just go go go all the time.

Kazunari – Liar / Dependant

On one hand Kazunari knows he can be completely honest with his partner, but he can’t differentiate between being honest in a way that supports a healthy relationship without… sometimes being honest in a way where he says something to hurt their feelings. So yeah, he sometimes lies.

He also involuntarily crosses boundaries (no consent in certain lives, photos uploaded…) and suffocates with constant attention. He struggles with trust issues too, constantly seeking validation from his partner or others to alleviate his insecurities.

This behavior in the end becomes draining if he’s in a relationship, as his partner feels trapped and unable to maintain their independence.

Yuki – Non-existent filter / Accusatory

During intense moments of blinding anger, Yuki jabs out everything he thinks without ever sugarcoating it, and there really isn't much to stop that.

Also maybe because while logical most of the time, he’s a bit short-tempered in certain situations (especially when stressed), so if provoked or at least he feels recriminated, he'll say some really hurtful things, insecurities that people took time to open up to with him.

If something goes wrong and he’s not in the fault he’s quick to complain as well. He already knew what was going to happen, so why did everyone insist on doing it? And why would anyone think he will sympathise afterwards? 

Banri – Expectations / Charge

Wants to be in charge of everything. Prone to micromanaging their partner while stubbornly refusing to ask for help even if it’s obvious,

He has so much going on that if anyone crosses him, romantic relationship or not, Banri will play with the “I will leave if you want”. Because he would leave and he wouldn’t even feel regretful.

Because of his good memory and capacities, he tends to wait for people to catch things quickly. He didn’t bring coffee to class and expects people to know that he drank it on the way because morning rehearsal was rough. He didn’t answer anyone’s text so he expected everyone to know that needs revision – to him, that stuff is easy. What? No one knew? He always does similar details for everyone – he shouldn’t have to say it out loud every time.

Specially his partner. They should know what he’s thinking in these moments. If they don’t, maybe they didn’t love him as much as they said.

Taichi – Jealous / Low self-esteem

This boy lacks confidence in himself and the relationship no matter the type.

Catches himself thinking how everyone is much better than him – and in a relationship he’s scared his partner would leave him for anyone. Makes sense. They are perfect and kind, he’s just... him.

Of course he would want to be with their partner all the time, very clingy and overly emotional when arguing with him or when they tell him off. Might have taken a look or two at his partner's notifications of messages. He felt bad after though, he promises!

Juza – Self-esteem / Walls

Usually clueless about what he’s doing wrong and can’t seem to know how much effort to put into a new relationship, romantic or not. It could be days of not talking with him or him not answering just because he didn’t know if it would feel abrasive.

So yeah, I wouldn’t say he’s blinded by his anxieties and worries but then again, it’s not like he’ll ever talk about it with anyone either.

In a relationship, Juza wouldn’t think they love him enough to stay if he reveals all his insecurities. In his eyes, his partner will leave him one day, he knows it. They are too good for someone like him.

Sakyo –  Rigid / Controlling

Exceedingly strict but only when it’s related to him. Like, he doesn’t pick up the phone during work time because that wouldn’t be professional of him, yet when he’s with others? He continues mentioning work-related stuff or leaves to take calls.

There’s also certain controlling behavior in his romantic relationships. While he may initially come across as caring and devoted, his need for control becomes evident as the relationship progresses, leading to feelings of suffocation and resentment.

When in a fight, Sakyo is rough with his words and has to have the last word no matter what. His anger also lasts for days and the silent treatment is a huge thing. Will act like nothing has happened after that.

Omi -  Low esteem / Unwillingness to commit

This man's steps on eggshells with relationships, romantic or not. Omi is terrified to let anyone in and see their eyes judging.

In a relationship he’s too scared to show how much he loves his partner and honestly that very own cautiousness, that unwillingness to fall, hurts more than he realizes.

Omi is also someone who never expresses complicated feelings, either. He might just need time, but never asks for any.

People are left feeling like they might only be in the relationship because he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings. When asked he hesitates, which hurts the most. He can’t seem to understand he needs to let himself go. This happens again and again because in the end, Omi decides that it’s best to not fall at all – he doesn’t need another scar.

Azami – Extreme / Overly guarded

Azami is prude but as he grows, he becomes not so… accepting.

He scoffs wherever he sees something he doesn’t approve, and if in a relationship their partner wants to hold his hand, he’ll rip it away and lecture them angrily about how it might look to others. You should know by now.

As such, he tends to be emotionally distant and closed-off in all relationships. He struggles and often avoids discussing his feelings or concerns.

This emotional guardedness creates insecurity in the relationships, as many feel like they are unable to connect with him on a deeper level. His reluctance to open up leads to communication misunderstandings as well.

Their partner or friends must not love him, that’s the only reason he can think of – but he won’t show his fear of that possibility.

Tsumugi – Distracted / People pleaser

This young man doesn’t make it on purpose, which is all the way down frustrating.

He will have periods of time where he’s attentive to everyone, and in a relationship his partner is his number one priority.

Others becomes overly focused on his own pursuits, leaving little time or energy for nurturing any type of relationship. When he notices, he becomes again hyper attentive, doing anything for the relationship to not deteriorate.

But since additionally Tsumugi struggles to communicate effectively about his emotions and decisions, this leads to more distance to grow.

Hisoka – Ghosting / Short-tempered

Honestly he doesn’t look into the care and delicacy relationships take. Doesn’t answer messages nor call and if he does it’s quick and short.

He’s sparse with his attention. No, he doesn’t want to go out, partner, friend, or whatever should stop asking. Also it’s becoming annoying. When in a fight, if he finds it’s not important, it will always seem like he doesn’t care about anything.

Hisoka won’t compromise either, he won’t be more attentive, he doesn’t want to be, that’s too much work. And if they try to force it? Then people just don’t get him and probably just want to change him.

People unwllingness to accept and understand who he is only proves to him that this specific relationship whatever people what to call it, wasn’t meant to be, so he shrugs it off.

Azuma – Façade / Bottling emotions

No matter what, he refuses to share information about himself and can’t keep everything equal, whether you are a friend or his partner.

If there’s a feeling like something is off, and anyone mentions it rather than admitting what’s on his mind he’ll simply say that it’s fine, that all is good and perfect, and then proceed to bury it even deeper within him.

Azuma keeps burying his feelings in and trying not to resent whatever is causing him like this more and more until one day something happens and his emotions erupt out of him and he’s crying or worse, leaves for some time.

If anyone wants to know where he’s been, well, good luck trying to figure it out.

Tasuku – Rough / Absent-minded

Prioritizes his own needs and desires above others, resulting in selfish and insensitive behavior. I can’t imagine Tasuku changing his routine to fit someone else in, lover or not.

To him it’s pretty straightforward If someone doesn’t fall into sync with him, that’s life and this relationship just wasn’t meant to be. What? Why should he change the time he goes to the gym – shouldn’t his partner just get up earlier if they want to eat breakfast with him?

Or with his friends, sure he gets along, but why should he alter the way his life is, and try to finish rehearsal earlier? He doesn’t get the reason to change and tends to avoid fighting, not just because of cutting contact, but because he doesn’t want to fight with anyone... he doesn’t have time for whatever it is.

Homare – Overly worried / Opinionated

By now everyone should know that he will not give you much space when there’s a problem. He will constantly be asking questions about it and little time does he tries to listen to all versions or if he even should intervene.

And holy molly does he intervene often enough.

Also Homare doesn't get mad almost never, but becomes incredibly distressed when something goes wrong.

He won't say anything when he's feeling like that though. It's hard for him to control his emotions during a difficult time period and usually needs to be comforted to calm down but becomes so difficult when it’s time to allow people into the real him.

Guy – Distant / Trust

If this man ever has any type of problem, most people, partner included, will never know.

It’s not that he’s actively trying to keep things away, but he has no way of knowing that he should be sharing certain things.

Everyone is held at arm’s length. His partner might think being his partner would make them close, but it always feels like he confides in his troupe more than them.

Guy doesn’t have a good example of what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like, so don’t expect him to do anything romantic unless anyone tells him so. He also doesn’t have a filter, meaning he’s brutally honest. No one should be surprised if he hurts feelings in his monotonous voice.

_______________________________________________________

Hope you all enjoyed it, definitely interesting to think of them in these terms.

Have a wonderful day! 💕💕

[sockpuppethistorian]

Sex and the City, S1E1 Review from the PoV of an AroAce

Welcome to the show! I've done it. I watched Sex and the City's pilot episode, and I have put my thoughts below. ENJOY.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so it’s starting with this little vignette about… a woman coming to New York from London and immediately meeting a guy to hook up with and getting very invested while they date for (checks notes)(this is a very meta phrase since these are my notes right now) TWO WEEKS. Why do people go on vacation and just decide that they have to hook up with people? When I go on vacation I want to see the sights and do fun things! It seems exhausting to not even be able to take a break from trying to find The One.

Oh, she MOVED from London to New York.

My point still stands.

So for 2 weeks they were having sex and doing all these romantic dates and planned to MEET PARENTS? I just. This English woman hasn’t even joined a gym or met the neighbors yet.

Alright. Now Carrie is talking and using the phrases “The End of Love in Manhattan” and “The Age of Un-Innocence” to describe New York City and the romance scene in the 90s. Okay, besides being dramatic, these are both hilarious. Clearly it’s not the end of love in Manhattan if this entire show is obsessing about love. But age of un-innocence? Yeah I’ll buy that.

This show being about a sex column is so funny. Because like, being aroace obviously sex makes no sense to me. But clearly it also doesn’t make sense to allos. And that’s beautiful.

Now Voiceover Carrie is explaining how love works and random people around New York are complaining about how essentially their entire lives revolve around dating and how everyone’s standards are too high. Let these people rock climb and eat their salads in peace without involving romance, I tell ya!

We’ve moved to the 4 friends (Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda) having a birthday dinner for one of them, and they’re just complaining the whole time about all being single). These people are putting way too much emphasis on needing relationships and men. I have such a hard time understanding why they can’t just live their lives and wait to see when a partner comes more naturally as opposed to obsessing over it like this. Maybe I’m not giving them credit, though, because this level of obsession is like me constantly needing good shows to watch on Netflix. Like, calm down and eat your birthday cake and have fun.

The extremely random drag queens that present the birthday cake is a… confusing touch.

They seem to feel so much embarrassment that they're four women in their 30s who aren’t married. Literally my dream would be an entire friend group of unmarried and uninterested-in-marriage people.

Now I’m confused. Do these people just want sex or do they want relationships and marriage? Even in this conversation between the four of them I’m so confused. They don’t want to be single, but they’re like “boo hoo the sex great but then he wanted to read me his poetry.” ????

Carrie is now having lunch with her friend, and he spots “the loathe of your life.” Real. (This was a description that Carrie’s canonical “gay best friend” used to point out someone she used to hook up with— or are Carrie refers to him, “A mistake I made when I was 26. And 29. And 31.”)

So, this is not a judgment on anybody, especially not real people, but I feel so confused and perplexed by the way logic and rationale goes out the door when it comes to people that one is sexually attracted to. Not that it doesn’t happen in other settings but it just seems like a very scary thing to me. Carrie has decided for some reason that to get back at him for the three times she had sex with him and it didn’t turn into a relationship, she is going to make it a fourth time and also not make it a relationship that way this time she’s the one in charge of… whatever the 90s version of ghosting would be??? I just don’t get it.

And I’m sorry, they scheduled a 3 o’clock sex date?? Why?? I could not possibly be bothered. Carrie and her Mistake simply must have something better to do at 3 o’clock, like getting a snack from a vending machine. Or taking a stroll.

Carrie is now having sex with this man, to prove that women can have sex just to have sex without feelings. And does to this guy what he did to her all the other times before that by leaving without any emotional intimacy. Why????

“I left feeling powerful, potent, and incredibly alive.” (Carrie after she abruptly leaves after having sex at 3pm on a workday) Why?? Like I KNOW that I lack the understanding of this because of the asexuality and whatnot but truly what feels good about that?!?!?

Oh my gosh. Guys. I am meeting the famous Mr. Big. And he’s…

Not… attractive…?????

Also who bumps into someone and immediately starts listing off that they notice that they don’t have a ring and that they’re attractive?? And that for some reason Carrie had an entire pack of condoms loose enough to all spill out when this man very lightly bumped into her. I can’t this feels like if humans were not humans with sex drives but just sex drives that were a little bit human.

I did not expect to have this many thoughts at THIRTEEN MINUTES INTO THE EPISODE.

Carrie is now meeting with her friend who looks like he works in IT in 2024, and said he has to tell her a “shocking secret.” Who wants to guess it’s related to sex?

… … … Guys the shocking secret was that he hasn’t had sex in a year. (Carrie’s response: “I don’t understand that, you’re such a nice guy.”) (Skipper’s response back: “I’m too nice. I’m a romantic. I just have so much feeling.”)

I… I’m actually impressed they’re finding this many different ways to talk about the exact same thing. Is this how allo conversations go??

Skipper says he’s sensitive because he doesn’t objectify women.

Skipper: Most guys, when they meet a girl, the first thing that they see is… you know… Carrie: (confidently as if she is proving some sort of weird point) P*ssy? Skipper: (chuckling like a school girl) Oh God! Hehehehe I hate that word. (Pause for a beat) Don’t you have any friends that you can hook me up with?

?? Y’all, can you name one time the first thing a boy sees in a girl is her genitals, unless he has accidentally logged into PornHub and forgotten that’s what he’s watching and thinks it’s Every Woman He Knows?

And then… HM. Man, this guy moves fast. Embarrassed by the word p*ssy and immediately turns around asking for a hook up. ???

So for some context, the immediate next thing that happens after this guy (SKIPPER) says he hasn’t had sex in a year and then is embarrassed by the word p*ssy, is to tell Carrie that he likes older women (literally this is what he says), and then Carrie decides to set him up with her friend Miranda.

Skipper after she says she’ll set him up with Miranda: “Don’t tell her I’m nice.”

Okay, so the goal here is really just unemotional sex.

WHAT. The. HEEECK.

Voiceover Carrie: “Miranda was gonna hate Skipper. She’d think he was mocking her with his sweet nature and decided he was an a**hole.”

?? Why waste everyone’s time?? Like is the point here for Carrie to get no one any sex or relationships? Like maybe it’s the End of Love in Manhattan because you’re setting up two people on a date that you know will fizzle out.

So now she’s on the phone with her friend Charlotte who has a date with someone that Voiceover Carrie describes as an “un-gettable bachelor.” What does it mean to be an “un-gettable bachelor”? Does this mean he has sex but doesn’t date? Does this mean he dates but won’t have sex? Does this mean he doesn’t usually do any second dates? I can’t even tell what these people want.

Carrie said she had an “afternoon of cheap and easy sex.” I want to psychologically explore this with her. Like did she just like the manipulation part? Did she just need to have an orgasm? What is going on here.

Okee doke, so now they’re in a club, where Carrie says it’s like the bar Cheers where everyone knows your name, except “here they forget it five minutes later.” I can’t tell if this is supposed to entice me or show how sinful everyone is being.

And we have Carrie’s friend Miranda, being very mean to Skipper who in the last scene was annoying me but now I feel bad for him because Miranda is literally interrogating him and trying to prove he’s a pig.

Voiceover Carrie says “I was about to rescue Skipper from an increasingly hopeless situation, when suddenly—“ stop right there, Voiceover Carrie. YOU PUT HIM IN THIS SITUATION. She is playing games. My opinion as of right now is her sex column was too boring so she is stirring the pot, which doesn’t seem to be too difficult since literally nobody knows what they want.

So now Carrie has run into the Mistake from when she was 26, 29, and 31 (and 3pm that afternoon). And he’s like “omg hello! I was pissed at you at 3pm but now I’m relieved that you want the exact same kind of relationship that I want!” Which is… 3pm sex??? And nothing else??

Y’all PLZ.

“Now we can have sex without commitment!” -Mistake (26,29,31,3pm). And now Carrie is disappointed. WHAT DID SHE THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN? Allos be playing mind games, for real.

Mistake: “I like this new you, call me.” Carrie: Depression, regret, anger, pretty much all the 5 stages of grief while she mourns her confidence from 3pm.

Dude, maybe this was not a good idea?? Like did you WANT the unattached sex or no??? Because it seems like it was only good sex as long as he was upset afterwards and now that he wasn’t she’s sad too? Did you retroactively decide you didn’t enjoy the 3pm sex which you said earlier made you feel “powerful, potent, and alive”?? Carrie, WHICH IS IT?

Voiceover Carrie: “Did all men secretly want their women promiscuous and emotionally detached?” Probably not, but if you purposely go for Mistake 26,29,31 with the intention of having promiscuous and emotionally detached sex because that’s what he’s given you in the past, that’s what you’re going to get???? Like??? You’re picking the wrong people to try to do things with?? (I was going to say the wrong people to have sex with but I feel like anyone willing to immediately have 3pm sex is in the same category anyway).

HUIRDFJKNIURGJFNDK Her friend Samantha just spotted Mr. Big and called him “The Next Donald Trump.” Oh my goodness. Laughing.

Next Donald Trump just did the cringiest little wave. He also waved when he saw Carrie on the street. Big ick.

And Carrie pretends she hasn’t met him. Why <3

Samantha says Next Donald Trump usually dates models. How do people know so much about these random people.

Now we’re back to Charlotte having some sort of date, and the guy asks her to come “back to” his “place.” Voiceover Carrie tells us she had wanted to play hard to get but doesn’t want the evening to end. Why are the only two options Sex on the First Date or Abruptly End the Date??

Charlotte’s date (Capote Duncan, hilarious name) starts kissing her neck and she asks to go home so he gets her a cab….. but then he GETS INTO THE CAB AND ASKS THE CAB DRIVER TO GO TO THE CLUB THE REST ARE AT AFTER HE DROPS OFF CHARLOTTE AT HOME.

WHAAAT.

Charlotte is like “Why are you going to the club?” And Mr. Capote Duncan with no sense of social etiquette for some reason responds “I understand where you’re coming from, and I totally respect it, but I really need to have sex tonight.”

??? HOW DARE HE?? What is this deal. How are these the eligible bachelors. All of these men are as horny as 12 year old boys who just discovered Playboy. None of them can keep it in their pants for 4 minutes and I don’t get anyones motives here. Clearly this dude Capote does not care about a second date with Charlotte after he just pulled that nonsense.

Back to Samantha, who seems to be the very sensual friend. She is propositioning Mr. Big to have a “private tour” of the downstairs of the club they’re in and Mr. Big turns her down.

And instead of being like, “okay he’s not interested,” Samantha takes this as a massive slight.

AAAAAaaand we’re back to Miranda and Skipper, who Miranda is politely(?) turning down, and then they start making out against a building. I do not get this.

AND NOW SAMANTHA IS IN CAPOTE DUNCANS APARTMENT MAKING OUT WITH HIM. Unbelievable. And he says she can’t stay over so the plan is literally thrust and bust.

Is this how normal sex lives work or is everyone in this show particularly amoral.

Ijdfknigfjkgijkthrgf

Carrie is wandering around outside, and Mr. Big drives up and says “well get in for Christ sakes” and she smiles like that’s a very sweet normal thing to say to someone you haven’t had an actual conversation with.

Carrie says she’s a “sexual anthropologist” to Mr. Big, who asked about her job. He gives me the creeps. I assume his long stares and slow deep voice are supposed to be sexy but it’s just bizarre and unnerving.

Mr. Big tells Carrie she’s “never been in love.” Voiceover Carrie then responds “suddenly I felt the wind knocked out of me.” Literally for what, Carrie.

She gets out of the cab, stops, then does a dramatic turn around to ask, “have you ever been in love?” It’s very film noir music and vibes right now. Mr. Big responds “Abso-f*cking-lutely” and then the window goes up and he pulls away in the literal most dramatic way and we freeze frame on Carrie.

Okay. That’s in. That’s the episode.

Most “ALLO SAY/DO WHAT?” Moments, in no particular order:

3pm sex with Mistake from 26, 29, and 31

Getting into the cab with your date so that you can go to the club to find someone else to have sex with

Carrie no longer liking the 3pm sex because Mistake liked it too

Skipper liking older women and being upset he hasn’t had sex in a year but giggling at the word p*ssy

Carrie getting into the cab with a strange man she literally barely knows because she thinks he’s “hot”

2.75/5 I think is my ranking. Too much sex.

[eiightysixbaby]

LEAH I AM DECEASED… your new smut is AMAZING… it got me thinking about “accidentally” teasing Jonathan until he breaks… tears are running down my legs

thank you thank you so much! may I elaborate on this thought of yours? �� I made him so subby in this so if you were looking for dommy jonny I sincerely apologize LMAO - feel free to send another request and I can fix it if need be 🙈

18+

at first, you’re simply trailing your fingers along his thigh. your fingernails softly scratching over his skin, tracing patterns on his body. you just barely graze over the hem of his boxers, fingers toying with the fabric before traveling back down.

but you get more bold as time passes, and then you’re reaching to his inner thigh, trailing up up up, so painfully fucking close to where his cock grows hard for you beneath one thin layer of fabric. you treat it like a game, pretending you don’t realize what you’re doing while you know he’s definitely paying attention. you keep your eyes trained on the movie that plays on his television, meanwhile all he can look at is you. your finger circles his inner thigh just beneath his crotch, smirking to yourself when he shifts beneath you, subtly adjusting.

you don’t say a word, just let your fingers tease. you tilt your face up to look at him, your lips leaving delicate, chaste kisses to his jawline. a simple gesture, the kisses just quick enough to mask themselves as innocent, but you know it’s going to drive him crazy. a breathy little noise leaves him, barely a whimper, and you sneak a glance down to his crotch. you’ve gotten him so hard already it has to hurt, his cock straining against the cotton.

you almost pity him, almost, before deciding to push him to his limits. make him shatter, make him crumble beneath you. what fun would it be to give up the game now? he’s so pent up, it hasn’t even been ten minutes, but you can hear in his labored breathing that it’s taking everything in him to keep his composure.

jonathan clenches his jaw, trying and failing to ground himself. as far as he can tell, you’re still invested in the movie, not fully aware of the extreme hormones coursing through his body and torturing him. your fingers continue their ministrations, getting so deliciously close to his cock but never quite touching. he feels like he’s on fire, his resolve slowly crumbling with every touch of your skin to his.

you can tell he’s ready to snap when his breathing comes out in harsher spurts, stutters of air released from his nostrils. you can feel him tense, the muscles in his thighs twitching. and then…..

his fingers wrap around your wrist, stopping your movements. you meet his eyes, focusing on the crease where his brows furrow together in frustration.

“babe, please, I can’t fucking take it anymore,” he whines, voice nearly cracking in his desperation. “I’m so fucking hard, baby, please touch me, please,” the words keep flowing, strings of pleas tumbling past his lips.

“think you deserve it, baby?” you ask, one final taunt before you’ll give in.

“yeah, fuck, been so patient baby. you’ve had me hard since the movie started. I’ll do anything, anything — I swear — I just need you,” he begs, his voice a pitiful crackly mess as his glassy eyes plead with you.

“well why didn’t you say something sooner?” you smirk, finally letting your hand graze his cock.

he jolts when you touch him, hips bucking beyond his control, and you can feel the wet patch on his boxers from his pre-cum. you’ve barely started stroking him when he cums, his body all too desperate for release. it’s an impossible amount, warm ropes of it coating your fingers, his stomach, pooling at the base of his cock.

but you don’t stop there, simply working him up again until he’s shaking, insisting that he can’t cum again…. until he does.

[sagesolsticewrites]

touchstarved | Austin Butler x gn!reader

a/n: i was feeling incredibly touchstarved tonight and… this was the result dkfjadkfjh 

Word count: 942

Warnings: touch starvation, implications of depression?, reader is Not Doing Great mentally tbh (but it’s okay! happyish ending!!), would this qualify as hurt/comfort?? idk dkjghsdkh, I think that’s it? As always, please let me know if I missed anything!

Please like/rb if you enjoyed! 🤍

Masterlist | add yourself to my taglist!

day 59 since Austin had left for Australia.

nearly two months since you’d felt his arms around you at the airport, warm whispers in your ear of see you soon and i love you and get home safe and i’ll call you the second i land.

and he had. in fact, he had been diligent about calling you nearly every day, even if it was just for a few minutes, just to hear your voice, and sending you good morning, sweetheart and sweet dreams, beautiful texts across the 18-hour time difference between the two of you.

but none of that changed the fact that he wasn’t here to hold you, kiss you, hug you, and you hated it.

if you were honest, you hated yourself a little bit for feeling this way. this was the biggest break of his career, and you were feeling sorry for yourself because you wanted a hug?

but it was more than that. you hadn’t been very affectionate with anyone before Austin, but in the past year or so of dating him, you’d gotten used to having someone to hold hands with as you were walking down the street, to hug when you got home from work, to cuddle with as you watched a movie. you thought you’d be fine while he was gone — you’d been fine before, hadn’t you? — but every time you woke up to his side of the bed being cold, every time your hand dangled at your side, empty, on the way back from your favorite coffee shop, every time you found yourself hugging a pillow during your solo movie nights… you felt like you were missing something essential to you.

touchstarved.

you had come across the term on some social media or other and though you hadn’t quite admitted that that’s what you were feeling, you quietly did some research and invested in a weighted blanket, a body pillow, and some face masks for when you needed a self-care day. 

and they did help, at least for a while. but some part of your brain was frustratingly insistent that nothing was going to help like Austin actually being here was.

he won’t be back for a while, you mentally retorted, shifting under the weighted blanket and hugging the stuffed elephant Austin had gifted you on your birthday even closer, so deal with it.

it was at that moment you heard what sounded like keys jangling at your door.

you froze. you definitely weren’t expecting anyone. was someone breaking in?!

You carefully sat up, dropping the stuffed animal as your hand crept towards the baseball bat you had ready near your bedside table. should you call the police? you wondered, but as you experimentally tapped your phone, it stayed dark. dead.

steeling yourself, you tiptoed out to the living room. better to try to catch them before they took anything, you figured.

you still heard something jangling at the door — had whatever they were using to try to pick the lock gotten stuck? — so it seemed like you had the upper hand for now. adjusting your grip on the bat, you readied yourself as the knob finally turned and—

the bat slipped from your hands, clattering onto the floor as you tried to process Austin walking through the door, the excited smile on his face slipping towards a look of concern.

“hey— woah, honey… Y/N, sweetheart, is everything okay?”

“i… i thought you were someone trying to break in,” you respond numbly, blinking repeatedly as if to assure yourself that this was real, “what… are you doing here?”

“i wanted to surprise you,” your boyfriend replies with a sheepish grin, closing the door behind him and turning back to you with his hands raised in innocence, as if to show you he means no harm. he takes a step forward as he continues explaining, “we were a little ahead on filming, so Baz gave us a little break—“

that one small step, though, was enough to snap you out what whatever spell you were under, and his explanation is cut short as you crash into him, wrapping your arms around him and burying your face into the crook of his neck, breathing in his warm sandalwood scent that had slowly been fading from your pillows.

“i missed you,” you whisper against his skin, so soft that he doesn’t hear so much as feel your lips forming the words on his neck. you feel yourself shaking slightly, and under normal circumstances you’d be more than a little embarrassed, but right now you don’t care because he’s here, real and warm and solid underneath you.

“i missed you, too, sweetheart,” he chuckles in reply, though it’s tinged with worry as he feels you trembling. “hey, you okay?” he murmurs, moving to pull away so he can see your face, gauge how okay you really are.

but you don’t let him, your only reply being a nod of your head into the crook of his neck and a tightening of your arms around him, blinking back the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes as it hits you just how much you needed this. he relaxes, seeming to recognize that he won’t be escaping the circle of your arms anytime soon, instead pulling you closer and murmuring soft i love yous and i missed yous into your ear.

he can ask you about how you’re feeling later — because clearly this goes deeper than a normal long-distance trip — but for now he lets himself relax into your arms, trying to make up for the nearly two month’s worth of hugs that he’s missed from you.

[musicalmoritz]

On average how long does it take you to write a fic? I see you post pretty often on ao3 so I was just wondering if you had any tips to write faster? you make it seem so effortless lol/pos

I must confess, I’ve been procrastinating on finishing a fic for a few weeks now…nonetheless I do have some tips!

So the brutal truth here is that when I really want to get something written I don’t sleep LMAO. Usually I’ll stay up until 4:00 AM writing, but I haven’t been able to do that lately because I’ve been trying to prioritize a healthy sleep schedule. It’s better to start writing early so you don’t stay up half the night, that can actually make things more difficult as after a certain hour your brain will just shut off (at least that’s what happens for me)

The length it takes me to write a fic depends on the type of fic, if it’s 3-4K I can usually knock it out in a day or two, unless I’ve been putting it off. If it’s 9-12k it takes me a couple of days, though I have written fics that length in one sitting before. Again, I do crazy work between the hours of 8:00 PM and 4:00 AM. If it’s anything near 20k it usually takes me a few months, especially if I have a lot going on irl at the time. My longest fic was 52k and I pretty much wrote that through the winter. Right now I’m working on one that’s meant to end at around 15k and I already have 12k of it written, but I ramble so it might come out a bit longer

Okay now onto actual productive tips. In my experience, the best way to write a lot is literally just to spill all your thoughts onto the page. Yap like your life depends on it. If I’m writing the character experiencing something I have a lot of opinions on, I’ll spend several paragraphs just talking about that. Some of my best and longest fics come from me straight up venting into a Google Doc. It’s like a diary except no one can tell how much is the character’s pov and how much is me working out my own problems. If you think you ranted too much, you can always go back and delete some later

It’s also good to try and always be writing. One of my Mitsukou fics was written almost entirely between breaks at work. I bring my computer with me if I’m going somewhere over night. I’ll write while I’m waiting for a class to start, and in between classes- especially if I have a long break. I write a paragraph or two on the toilet sometimes. And also be thinking about the characters a lot, I’m hyperfixated on tbhk rn so these little losers are always on my mind; so when I sit down to write, I’ve already written most of the fic in my head. Share your own headcanons and analysis, people love reading that stuff. Don’t be afraid to get creative and take a few liberties, most readers are subconsciously longing for new things in their fics

Also don’t stress yourself out too much about what you post! Fanfic is best when it’s written for your own enjoyment above anyone else’s. Sometimes I get too caught up in what other people will think of my fics and forget I have total control over everything I write. If you worry too much about making your work “perfect,” you’ll never want to write. Make yourself your main target audience, it makes the process way more fun

I hope some of this helped you!! Thank you for your ask, this gave me the motivation to work on my wip. I’m also currently writing fics for every day of Aoinene Week so it’s been busy. A good fic playlist also helps, it helps you better envision the world you’re writing. Recently I’ve been basing my fics off specific music artists which gets me really invested. Happy writing :)

[oldestenemy]

The wizard is glad they are sent to Cyrus when things have settled. That again, he is the one who knows anything of the world they are seeking, out of everyone.

“I want you to seek out an old…friend of mine.” He explains the bones of their quest—find Ivan the Great, have him aid in finding Baba Yaga, convince her to help with Bartleby’s ailment—and it feels painfully simple. But they know better. It will not remain so.

“Polaris lies at the very edge of the Spiral—on the horizon as it were—Where land meets sky, where the worlds fall off into the endless expanse of the in-between. Why it would cause Bartleby to fall ill, I cannot begin to fathom. But if there are answers to be found in Polaris, you would be the one to find them.”

The spiral key for Polaris looks like a little three pronged lamp-post. Silvery and shining faintly.

They are going to need to invest in a bigger keyring soon…

Before going, a note of importance.

“I know the others have it handled, but—”

“—Rest assured I will keep eyes and ears out for Mr. Grimwater.” Cyrus finishes before they get the words out. It offers a relief the wizard can barely explain. They cannot shake the feeling that there is a wrongness to his disappearance, a danger around it.

“Thank you. Really.” They force themself not to add for everything.

They have been trying harder to make their interactions with other people feel less final.

It’s hard.

But they’re trying.

Penny and Malorn are standing by Bartleby waiting for them.

It’s not going to be like the last time.

There is urgency here, yes, but they are not sprinting forward after their own demise.

“Be careful,” Penny urges as soon as they are in earshot.

“I will be,” the wizard responds, “this—this won’t be as bad as the other worlds I’ve been to in the last year. In and out.” Maybe if they speak that into existence it will become true. Probably not.

“Somehow I doubt that,” Malorn says, “if you need us, or need a break—if you can get one—I’ll be here or in Dragonspyre.”

“I’m going back to Marleybone for a while to visit my parents,” Penny adds, “but promise if something happens—”

“—You’ll be the first to know.” The wizard assures her.

It’s a lie.

They are going to keep these things as far from the others as they can manage.

This is the first time they’ve walked through Bartleby in…a very long time. It looks different. Leaves falling and wilting in every corner, autumn colors invade upon the green, not vibrant but sickly and muted. They try not to think that it’s helping. The fact that it has changed within the chamber means it is not throwing them so distinctly back into the moments after Azteca.

The door opens onto a chill, onto the distinct smell of snow.

“Ahem!”

A…penguin?

A…French penguin.

The inhabitants of the spiral never cease to be interesting at least.

Sometimes their memories from Earth have use here. But why anyone would decide for penguins to be French—especially in a locale that seems more like tsarist Russia—they don’t particularly have time to dwell on. The only reason it’s familiar at all is because they had been fixated on that animated movie about a missing Russian princess for several years of their young childhood. They can almost hear the music as they walk through the streets.

Routine falls into place.

Maybe it’s the fact that prior to this they were involved in an outright war, but the fighting here seems almost trivial. Before they know it, they are wrapped up in a revolution, throwing fish into the harbor, following Red Rosa to whatever she needs.

And then they are assisting a polar bear in dancing a ballet—and gods that movie just keeps coming back to pester them doesn’t it—but it feels good to be doing something that isn’t…dueling. Somewhere along the line one of the Patriôtes had handed the wizard a saber that was now functioning as their wand—something they haven’t really done since Avalon, and before that Dragonspyre—it makes the battles a bit visceral for their tastes, especially when they are not yet sure of their purpose here.

Find Ivan.

This does prove to be fairly straightforward, and following him through his aid to the Patriôtes and their rebellion is both easy and—a little entertaining. There is an element of joy that underlies every act of resistance, and Ivan’s intensity in battle has them missing Dyvim. But like everyone, they leave him when the time comes. Walking into the cold expansive woods alone in search of Baba Yaga.

An eerie silence permeates this part of the forest. It is as though all the wildlife were holding its breath.

Raven is loud here, near as loud as she is in Grizzleheim.

The wizard ignores her. They have been doing so for months now, still angry for Nidavellir, for her dragging Malorn and the other necromancers into problems that did not need to be theirs. But they never went back to see her, they meant to at least try and get answers about Lorcan—

But then Duncan went missing, and now this.

It doesn’t matter.

Grandmother Raven is not going anywhere.

They can go and shout themself hoarse at her perch whenever the mood strikes.

What the wizard does find in this silent clearing of the wood, is a girl.

A human girl.

Which—under many circumstances shouldn’t be considered strange, but the only other human they’ve seen in Polaris thus far is Rasputin. It’s not often they run into people who aren’t also some kind of creature. Though on closer inspection, perhaps this girl is some kind of creature. There are inky black feathers shifting in her hair that look as though they sprout straight from her scalp along with it.

Later they learn the girl—Mellori—is Baba Yaga’s daughter. Given that the witch herself lives inside a house with chicken legs, Mellori’s feathered hair no longer strikes them as surprising. Nor does her immediate act of following them to the Auroracle. Mellori reminds them of their younger self. Hungry for adventure and mystery.

The wizard isn’t sure yet if that is a welcome comfort, or a bad omen for their new friend’s future.

Read the whole series here &lt;3

[fanfic-gremlin-ft-trauma]

I've been cooking this one up for a while but early 90s (like set between 91 to 92) college au. Mai, Suki, and zuko are goths who does sokka's makeup every chance they get. they would chilling in sokka's dorm, and Mai would be like "someone hand me the white face paint".

the rest of the gaang + azula/ty lee is still in high school. they're doing a HS trip of the college. azula sees zuko and Mai eating lunch. she gets the attention of the tour guide, points at them, and says "I want THEM to tour us." also azula loves calling Mai and zuko, "Gomez and morticia".

she also does not hesitate to call zuko 'koko' in public and she will do it every time she sees him.

when toph is bored, she likes to fuck around with katara's answering machine at the ungodly hours of night. like when all the tv goes off (bc back in those days, the TV literally turned off. like It was just static), she'll call her, knowing she won't answer and just fuck around. katara would like wake up to fifteen messages on the answering message, all from toph. half of them are just her rambling about random ass shit, and the other half is jokes. Gran Gran would be like "your friend surely does talk a lot."

yue comes into town. she ends up going to the college and meets sokka, whom she becomes friends with. she's really heavily impacted katara's sense in fashion and makeup. yue's fashion & makeup is inspired by the 60s and 70s. she wears a lot of flowy dresses, skirts, and shirts. a lot of white, light blue, and other light colors in the blue family. yue teached katara some brown girl makeup hacks bc she knows how hard it is to find makeup for brown skin. she used to take katara shopping too like she was like the big sister she never had 😭

then zhao did some shit and yue & her family had to move.

SO SOKKA HAD A CAMCORDER WHICH WAS HIS DAD'S AND HE USES IT TO RECORD RANDOM SHIT AND DAY TO DAY LIFE 😭. one of the tapes was sokka and zuko trying to bring up their TV up the stairs since they just brought it. suki was recording. sokka's hand slips and the tv goes down the stairs and breaks. it just gasps and a beat of slience 😭.

and POLAROIDS. SO MANY POLAROIDS.

NDJISNDCNUOXSANUAOXSXNOSAUONAXSUUONASXNUO YOU GENIUS YOU INCREDIBLE HUMAN EATING THIS SHOVING IT IN MY MOUTH THROWING UP!!!!

ohhhhhhhh this gives me so many ideas. I could rave about every single one of these. Katara yue Bestiesm yes pls sharing makeup + fashion ideas would be so them. The 90s college vibes in fic are always immaculate and THIS. Sokka would absolutely use a camcorder ohhhhh I can see it. Nothing has ever been more canon than that. Him recording so many little fun aspects of their life and he gives it as a present to the friend group- like a lil memories vhs thingy. ALSO THE POLAROIDSSSS YES YES. omg that’s immediately reminding me of the wonderful @petricorah ‘s All Time art of modern au zukka in a Polaroid. I need more vibes like this I’ll invest actually.

Also thank u for truthing abt Zuko mai and suki gothism bc it’s so important to me. Also that toph and katara anecdote IM ROLLINGGG. SHE WOULD 💀. like she is such A Little Shit and would make Katara’s life hell (also god forbid in a modern modern au someone gives her discord. she’d abuse the /tts command to its full potential.)

Also omg Gomez and morticia so true bc mai is the hot unbothered kick ass goth lady and Zuko just. follows her around. adores n admires. as he should.

oh and I saw this addition and wanted it to be in the same post cuz. it’s just so amazing I’m LAUGHINGGGG

THIS IS SO CANON SO TRUE THEY WOULD DESTROOOOYYY EACH OTHER FOR THOSE YEARBOOK PICTURES. and like. what’s funny is Zuko’s one is kinda canon. Iroh absolutely did his hair in hs bc that boy was an awkward mess and had no time to worry about his appearance.

this is literally giving me life omfg thank u for this

[keepmeinmind-01]

For the WIP ask game 📖✨: 2, 3, 4, 8, 9, and 15 because I am nosy and they all sound so good!

thank you for asking :D

2 - dark!theseus and chemical brainwashing

So this is actually the one that I’m furthest along with because I’ve been working on outlining it for the last week! My only issue is that it’s pretty dark overall and was partly fuelled by my PMS, so I’ll probably need to work on it in bursts, because I get so emotionally invested when I write LOL. I don’t know how much this is “spoilers”, but I feel like on AO3, the tagging system kind of means you know everything up front, so I can give a fair bit of detail? But potential spoilers I suppose, haha?

The premise is that, at one of Grindelwald’s rallies, Leta joins him and Theseus follows her. They both get through the flames, although Theseus gets a little singed, but when it comes to fully integrating into Grindelwald’s ranks, Theseus starts to have doubts. He talks to Leta about running away and Grindelwald finds out, separates them, and uses a mixture of magic and chemical tools to brainwash and control Theseus. Theseus becomes pretty evil, and he and Newt cross paths several times on opposite sides. To be honest, I think it would be a bittersweet ending, but maybe happy given what came before LOL. But everyone would live - Leta and Theseus would be facing trials, potentially, and Theseus would be hugely destabilised and damaged from his experience - and Newt is also there as they try and figure out where to go next.

It takes a few of the plot bunnies I have for kmim and never wrote in (like Grindelwald trying to break Theseus’s “moral crown”, drug use, one of Theseus or Newt temporarily becoming dark) and moves them somewhere else so I’m not tempted to put them into an already busy plot 💀 It’s also darker, dialled up sibling angst but also, Leta is alive! Which I love and want to try and make the most of, so I need to make sure she has her flowers in the outline. Grindelwald is downright horrible in this one xd

3 - thesival war

I think a while ago I posted my complicated backstory for how Theseus and Percival met during the war, and I wanted to make this into a 5 times X happened and one time it didn’t fic. I’ve been trying to squeeze it into that structure and it’s not been working, so it’ll probably just be a normal layout.

It will start with Theseus in Ypres, then cover Theseus getting taken as a Prisoner of War, which is when he does magic (some on purpose in the fight around a village, some accidental when interrogated). Percival is an observer, a MACUSA Auror keeping an eye on the war, while Theseus has enlisted as a Muggle. So Percival tries to rescue Theseus before he ruins the Statue, which is a close call but they both get out. Then they both slowly make their way to Ukraine through a mixture of joining groups in the trenches and fighting/travelling as a pair, because that’s where Percival has been summoned for the dragon project. And then in Ukraine is where the spark really kicks off.

Then, which would be the “one time,” we go to FBAWTFT present day, which is when Theseus and Leta get a telegram Newt has been executed. Then, they also get the reveal Grindelwald was impersonating Percival. I think I might end with Theseus going to MACUSA and giving them a piece of his mind for nearly losing his brother and actually losing his (slightly more than) friend.

4 - newt’s abusive marriage

So @creative-girl and I were talking about this, inspired by Hamilton, and it was very much her idea! It would be what it says on the tin, possibly with Percy as the bad guy. Theseus chats to Percy at a party but ends up introducing him and Newt. The marriage between Newt and Percival turns sour but Newt keeps it a secret and becomes trapped and withdrawn. Some kind of reveal means Theseus comes in during one of the one-sided “fights” and intervenes, and then it would be fluffy after that. I feel like I tend to make Theseus the hurt party rather than Newt (this is actually an active consideration I have for kmim where I’m making sure it balances out LMAO) and I think the comfort afterwards could be really sweet.

8 - making out as cover

Very much what it says on the tin. I have a rough draft of this one. Percival and Theseus are on an assignment, they’re griping with one another, they’re meant to be watching a spot from their alleyway. They get spotted, and because they’re near a bar, Percival instantly kisses Theseus as cover. And when their cover is safe again (I.e., the people go or whatever, detective semantics) they’re like “okay hang on…” hahah

9 - Bunty and Lally!!

I love f/f ships with all my heart and yet the pieces of media I’m interested in rarely have them (other than Overwatch), so I thought it would be sweet to try. I saw it as perhaps modern AU, perhaps not, where both are a little younger. Lally is a barista in a coffee shop and Bunty is an awkward apprentice. Quite classic flirting and mixed signals where Bunty works up the courage to give the confident Lally a compliment. It could end after they swap numbers, or maybe they can actually go on a coffee date too. Maybe Bunty is quite shy or closeted and Lally is super confident and relaxed, and it could create quite a nice dynamic. So pretty wholesome.

15 - Lally/Seraphina

Inspired by your comment! This one is one of the least fleshed out ones and I added it into the middle of the list rather than the bottom like an organised person. I think there’s so much potential here and it could maybe be something set in MACUSA’s office buildings. Seraphina is like this reserved, cold authority figure and Lally is a rebellious, snarky, and warm academic. I think they could bond over their shared intelligence, maybe there’s some project Lally has to consult on that means they see a lot of one another. I think they both have quite strong personalities and once the spark caught, would both go after it.

so yeah!! thanks for asking, i loved writing out everything ahahaha <3

[skylarmoon71]

Lance Sweets (Bones) - Crossover AU - Chapter 30 - Final

You go through the rest of the day a bit awkward because Angela winks every time she catches sight of you.

Lunch break is very much needed. Sweets are already there and he waves you over when he catches sight of you. You still feel a bit flustered even when you sit down. He’s curious. You just wave it off with a blush.

“I’ll tell you later.”

He just smiles with a nod as you both order.

“Lois gave me a call today. Apparently Clark’s cousin is coming to visit. She invited us to come by next month to meet Kara.”

You’re fully invested now.

“His cousin!”

Sweets nods.

“Yeah, sorry I guess I forgot to tell you. She called during our little vacation. I was so excited to tell you but I guess I got distracted.

You completely understand.

“I can’t wait to meet her.”

You sound so happy and he smiles.

“I figured. I’ll make sure to schedule my days around it so we can go together.”

“I’d like that.”

He reaches over, taking your hand over the table and as your finger interlocks, you can’t help but remember the first encounter at the diner.

“So what’s your favorite dish? Personally I think the sandwiches are amazing. Then again, maybe I’m biased. I just love sandwiches. But who doesn’t, right? I knew you’d get it.”

At the time you were confused on why he had sat down and started chatting like you were best friends. You had literally threatened him and he still showed up day after day to be your friend.

Your distant smile makes him tilt his head.

“What are you thinking about?”

You laugh.

“Our first lunch together. You wouldn’t shut up.”

Sweets finds himself smiling too.

“I was trying to be your friend. I ramble when I’m nervous.”

“I noticed.”

You can’t believe how silly it all seems now. You squeeze his hand a bit tighter.

“Thank you for being a nosy know it all Sweets.”

He laughs a bit louder.

“You’re welcome.”

The rest of your lunch is quite nice. You both head back to your respective offices to finish the day. In all honesty you just can’t wait to jump into bed with Sweets.

It comes much sooner.

Work has ended and you’re both turning in.

After a shower and some interesting singing by Sweets, you’re both cuddled into the bed, going over the day’s events.

Of course when you’re both comfortable you feel it necessary to tell him about your conversation with the girls earlier.

You can’t hide the bashful look as you explain why you’d walked into the diner looking like a cherry.

“You told them that.”

Sweets is laughing and you just bury your face into his chest.

“They kept interrogating me, I didn’t have a choice.”

He fully understands your embarrassment now. Reaching over, he strokes a hand down your cheek. He can’t express how great it is to be here.

With you.

That night was single handedly one of the most terrifying experiences of his life. Just having the opportunity to hold you like this is like a blessing. One he will never take for granted.

His quietness catches your attention and you look up at him. He’s just wearing that smile. His hand feels so warm, safe.

Most of your life, safety wasn’t truly something you were worried about. Your abilities made you more capable than most, so the only vulnerability you ever had was the discovery of those gifts. Even then you knew that there was little out there for you to fear. Before you met Sweets, life was just something you wanted to get through. You had no real purpose or goal.

Now, thinking back, you can’t seem to imagine life without him, without all of your friends. If he hadn’t been so adamant to befriend you that day, you would not have any of the happiness you now hold. You’re grateful. More than you can ever truly express.

“I love you Lance.”

Words that you would never get tired of saying. His smile is wide, and he leans in for a kiss, one that you happily return. When he pulls back, you giggle, because he starts leaving kisses on every part of your face.

“I love you so much!!”

He exclaims.

You hug him happily as you laugh along with him.

You’re both content with how life turned out, and that’s all that matters. 

[clarabowmp3]

But...she hasnt sued anyone...so, how is it true?

In a more literal sense:

Her cease and desist letter (TIME Magazine)….im side-eyeing the second pic sooo hard. Rlly? Absolute statements? Absolutely NO justification?

Screenshots from a Reddit comment (basically copy pasting what was behind the paywall) from a Washington Post article

At least in my opinion, a threat to sue has the same implications (eg intimidation, which is what is suggested in that who’s afraid of little old me lyric from my previous post) as actually suing, esp with respect to Taylor Swift’s legal team. While I agree that it’s a safety concern for him to be posting real time updates, the way her team handled it (as seen in the citing of Instagram comments rather than actual laws or smth more substantial in the cease and desist) indicate greater concern for the implications on her image rather than her safety alone, as they’re trying to make out. Again, this last bit is just my perspective, so for argument’s sake let’s say that her concerns were only to do with her safety.

In a more general sense, that lyric (isnt that what they all say that I’ll sue you if you step on my lawn) implies that she has the (false) image of being a “bully,” for lack of a better term, such as through legal action. For example, the olivia rodrigo credit situation. I’m not going to include any screenshots of that since I think all the events have been pretty well-documented, but I think it’s pretty hypocritical of her to come out with imgonnagetyouback just a few months after get him back. I know the concept initially originates from Fiona Apple in 2005, but it seems odd that taylor suddenly decides to write a similar song when the most recent significantly popular instance of it was get him back. I think it’s unfair to have a double standard in this case, as in either both olivia and taylor were at fault or neither were, but what taylor (or her legal team) deems acceptable seems to revolve around what is beneficial for her at any given moment.

If you want to get even more generic and just focus on her attacking people who “step on her lawn,” I think the variant releases demonstrate that. Yes, I know other people do it too, but I rlly don’t care for that line of defence (it’s like a child trying to justify cheating or misbehaving just because ‘everyone does it.’ I am (or was) only emotionally invested in taylor and not other artists as she is (or was) someone I’m a fan of.).

With the numbers her variants were doing, I think it’s clear that it was her name/ the hype of the eras tour driving the success rather than the artistic merit of the releases, most of which were just live tour recordings of the same songs on ttpd. Moreover, she tried to stay #1 at the expense of others in the music industry like Sabrina carpenter (yes I know she tried to do that whole Spotify autoplay thing with espresso but I can understand her trying to acquire a certain level of success as a bubbling artist). What really irks me is that at her status, breaking these records is more of an ego thing than anything else. She herself has said in Miss Americana that she seeks validation through awards, and she barely talked about the charts meaning that they provide a more superficial kind of reassurance. It feels very unsportsmanlike to not let others have their time to shine because and ONLY because she is not succeeding/breaking these records through her own continued artistic merit. I’m not saying she should go out of her way to let others hit #1, Im saying she shouldn’t go out of her way to stop others from hitting #1.

[aylinaliens]

🍄 [AUGUST] || CURRENTLY WATCHING

🏳️‍🌈🍿Low Frequency (4/8) IQIYI — completely in love with this silly little bl about a shameless ghost in a coma i’m not at all afraid that it’s going to break my heart like he’s coming to me the editing is wonky but it has a lot of heart

🏳️‍🌈🍿Hidden Agenda (4/10) YOUTUBE — very surprised i’m not super invested in this but i’m chalking it up to just not being in the mood for bl’s set in uni. i’m sure that as more eps air i’ll get more into it

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Laws of Attraction (3/8) IQIYI — recently picked this up so i’m still trying to catch up but sicjwjjdjdjd you know :)

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Wedding Plan (3/7) IQIYI — originally started this for the lita cameos but stayed for the silly characters & adorable lesbians

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Be Mine Superstar (5/12) VIKI — not sure how to feel about this if i’m being honest but i am enjoying it!

🏳️‍🌈🍿Jack O’Frost (3/6) VIKI — the angst and visuals has me 🤤

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Step by Step (3/12) VIKI — binging this super slowly for no other reason beside the fact that i have a short attention span. jengpat already has me by the throat

🏳️‍🌈🍿Jun & Jun (2/8) VIKI —for some reason this is giving our dating sims vibes (which is on my list for my top five BL of the year) so i love this already

🍄 REWATCHING

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Love in the Air (5/13) — first time i didn’t love this but the second time?? absolutely feral over phayurain & prapaisky

🏳️‍🌈🍿 The Untamed (32/50) — who needs therapy when wangxian exists cql brainrot is never going away just saying

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Not Me (10/14) — i need to see offgun on my screen every few months and seanwhite is just so angsty/sweet

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Kinnporsche (5/14) — i’ll be honest i’m mainly doing a kimchay cut during this rewatch because they make me !!!!!!!!

🏳️‍🌈🍿 2gether the Series (8/13) — i was feeling nostalgic so i decided to revisit my favorite boys

🏳️‍🌈🍿 The Shipper (8/12) was this drama a fever dream? yes. did i get queerbaited multiple times? yup!! do i understand the weird (pseudo) incest plot line between ohm & first’s character? no?? and yet here i am still vibing away knowing that i’ll regret rewatching this soon

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Heaven’s Official Blessing (6/13) hualian makes my brain go brrrrrrrrrrrr ❤️

🍄 STARTING SOON

🏳️‍🌈🍿 A Boss & a Babe (12 eps) — i’m finally going to sit down and binge because i need to understand the forcebook brainrot before only friends come out

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Vice Versa (12 eps) — i need someone to bully me into watching this. it has everything i love and yet i still haven’t gotten around to starting it

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Minato Shouji Coin Laundry (12 eps) — i am completely baited by all the lovely gifs for season 2 on my dash so i’m so excited to start this!!

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Mysterious Lotus Casebook (40 eps) — 👀 again i was gif baited into wanting to start this

🏳️‍��🍿 Sing My Crush (8 eps) — kbl are a hit and miss but this looks adorable!!

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Stay with Me (24 eps) — never watched addicted heroin or read the danmei this is based on but it looks like a hot mess and i, for one, occasionally love my bls with a heavy serving of disaster

[rosie-bee]

Bit of a vent/rant but tldr: I kinda need a break and might be offline for a little while. I’m not sure when I’ll be back. I’d like to be cause I usually like this app, I’ve just had a rough week. I’m not deleting so I’ll still try and respond to actual notifications, but I’m not really going to post and I’m gonna stay away from my dash.

I’ve been just feeling like lately Tumblr and maybe social media in general this past week has felt just extra draining rather than something I actually enjoy. I’m someone who doesn’t like to conflict with people especially mutuals/those I’d consider friends about stuff that technically doesn’t really matter at all. So I kind of tend to just block the source and move on.

Because I don’t like standing up for myself and my interests though, it’s kinda led to this feeling that like… if I stand up for myself at all that I’d be mean and unfair to do so. Even when it comes to stuff I know is blankly false, I feel like the only things that would come of it are either i generally offend someone, get told it’s not that serious, or I’d just end up in an argument over stuff that technically doesn’t really matter.

It’s led to this internal feeling that I’m sure people who know me could attest to that I feel like my interests are less worthy than others. I’ve wrapped my head into circles, convinced that every person I know around me is inherently more interesting and just better than I am. But were I to say that, I’d feel like all I’d get in return is told that I get to emotionally invested, and that it’s wrong for me to take everything I see that’s negative towards what I’m interested in personally.

I have wrapped myself into a belief that if I am not worthy of feeling passionately about things, including things that are typically a positive for me. Which is my own problem but seeing a lot of negativity towards my interests wrapped with feelings that I can’t stand up for them or I’ll just prove someone else’s point, it’s just been mentally really tiring.

As for well, what’s the point of even posting all this? I can’t say I have much of one aside from that I just have stuff I want to get off my chest. There’s little parts of me that really do want to just lash out. The issue there is I have a hard time even allowing myself to just feel my own feelings. Internet culture and mixes of just how I grew up have led me to this strange belief that if what I feel isn’t either agree to disagree feelings or something kind, then I’ve committed some kind of moral evil. I tend to give a significant amount more grace to others than I’m willing to give myself. And I know that all wraps back into that belief that others are inherently better than I am. But my self awareness of my feelings while believing that it is morally wrong for me to feel anything unkind and not completely compassionate are not a good or healthy mix. I have tried for some reason in my twenty years to build up this person who lets nothing get to them, and have had a hard time considering what an enormous ask that is.

So I need some time to try and actually connect with things I really enjoy that isn’t just scrolling endlessly on my social media, and not being able to mentally filter out what I do and don’t want to engage with. I should try and write more, draw, maybe write my own little analysis of all of the music that I like. I’ve had a hard time with deciding to not be on social media for the main reason of I’m just not sure what to fill my time with. For now, I’ll try and get on that. If I’ve got like, messages or interactions from other people I’ll try to respond. I just kinda need to stay of my tumblr dash for a bit.