#when it was pretty clear to everyone but ed that there was nothing that could be done

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hat in hand, thank you for your time, sex ed question: do orgasms from masturbation and orgasms from partnered sex actually feel different? Is it just the intimacy that makes people like it more?

hi anon,

great question, and I'm about to make a real meal of it.

so, first off, let's make one thing clear: the mechanisms that create an orgasm are the same regardless of the cause. no matter what's getting you off, regardless of what part of your body is being stimulated, it's the same nerves and muscles responding.

that may sound obvious, but it hasn't always. Freud, for instance, advanced the idea that vaginal and clitoral orgasms were fundamentally different, and that women who preferred to orgasm by touching their clitoris were less psychologically mature than women who preferred vaginal orgasms. fast forward to now, and we know the only difference between a clitoral and vaginal orgasm is that clitoral orgasms are generally easier, thanks to the incredible amount of nerve endings - and that many orgasms that result from vaginal penetration result at least in part from the large internal portion of the clitoris being stimulated through the vaginal wall. huge W for the clit!

now, having said that: just because the mechanics are the same doesn't mean that every orgasm is going to fee identical, or that every single thing that could produce an orgasm is going to actually work for everyone. sex with a partner can feel very different from sex with a vibrator which can feel very different from sex with just your hand, and even those individual methods aren't going to result in the exact same experience every time. there are a tremendous number of factors that influence arousal and sexual response, including many that have nothing to do with sex directly but nonetheless impact your body and mind and the way stimuli is received.

think of it as being similar to a meal - you could eat the exact same food, prepared the same way, two times and still feel very differently about depending on other factors in your day. when you're in a good mood, enjoying a day off, and able to sit with your food for as long as you like with no rush, you might savor the meal much more, take the time to appreciate the individual flavors and ingredients, and eat more in a single sitting. you might spend the rest of the day thinking about how good the food was, and look forward eagerly to the leftovers. whereas if you come to lunch on a short break from work, unable to devote much time to eating and already stressed out from an unpleasant day, you may be more likely to eat quickly to sate your hunger and zip back to work without taking much time to think about the food at all, because the meal is just fuel to keep going.

neither of these ways of eating are wrong; they both serve different needs and have a time and place. while I'd love to be able to cherish each meal, I'm certainly not going to pretend that I never eat just to have enough fuel to keep chugging until the next meal.

and, to extend this metaphor: we were imagining that was the exact same food, eaten under two very different circumstances. now factor in the infinite different kinds of food a person could eat in infinite different situations. now imagine that it's things that make you cum instead of food (which are still the same thing, for somebody out there, and to them I say congrats for speedrunning this one), and you've got a pretty good grasp on how infinitely variable the experience of orgasm is.

so: do orgasms with partners actually feel different? sure, but only in the sense that all orgasms can feel different from each other.

partnered orgasms can come with a lot of extra bells and whistles thanks to involving a whole other person (or multiple people), which opens the door to many more forms of stimulation than most people can manage on their own, as well as some inherent unpredictability - while you can, obviously, know exactly how you plan to touch yourself and receive pretty immediate feedback to how it makes you feel, but with other people you gain both the ability to be surprised and the necessity of much more communication than solo sex. all of that means that partnered sex can be a pretty substantially different experience than getting off alone - not necessarily worse or better, but definitely different, and definitely not just because of how the orgasm feels.

so why do people like it more? well, not all people do. for some people, it's vastly easier and more comfortable to just get off alone. some people like partnered sex but don't orgasm easily in the process; I'm one of those! I think I've had a grand total of one (1) sexual partner who could reliably get me off, but that didn't mean I wasn't having fun with the others - orgasm just wasn't a priority, because I went in knowing I'd probably need to finish myself off if I wanted to cum and didn't sweat it.

of course, the opposite also exists - for some people, masturbation doesn't do jack shit, and partnered sex is the way to go. some people only get off, or vastly prefer to get off, to scenarios that necessitate the presence of other people. some people aren't that interested in sex for the sake of sex, but like having a sense of connection with their partner(s).

and for many, there's no need to have a preference between getting off alone or with a partner in the first place - they're filling two different needs, without needing to be compared. why pit two bad bitches against each other? for me, getting myself off is easy and convenient, and having sex with someone else is a great way to play. both good, both serving totally different niches in my life.

tl;dr: variety in all things, babes.

[moon7jay]

Enhypen with a s/o who suffers from an ED (hyung line)

Warnings : ed behaviours, body dysmorphia, low self esteem, self depreciation, suggestive in jay's, fluff, comfort, triggering content ahead, please proceed with caution<3

Requested by .・゜゜・ @onlyni-kis (I tried my best to make it realistic, I hope it helps you somehow)

Heeseung

He'd be so attentive and accomodating to your needs. As someone with an Ed, you're often not taken seriously. Your mental problems are not considered valid. And so you usually avoid social settings where people can pass up unnecessary comments on your body or eating choices and heeseung never pressures you to get out if you don't want to. Because you lack confidence and even slight comments trigger you, heeseung makes sure that no one can do so while he's around. If he's around, you can freely go anywhere and do anything. He would have a reputation of a 0 tolerance boyfriend who did not like people perceiving you in anyway. So whenever he is around, people usually know to keep their words in check. He's your safe blanket. The only person you can be yourself with.

You were hanging out with heeseung's cousins in a family get together, sitting on heeseung's lap and indulging in oily food for once, trying to let go of the food guilt.

"y/n that's a lot of food for one sitting" one of them commented and even though the comment was harmless with no real intent to hurt you, it did hurt. Your appetite dying instantly as you gave them a sheepish smile ,standing up from heeseung's lap and excusing yourself from the setting, not wanting your useless tears to fall and ruin everyone's mood. Heeseung let you walk away to collect your emotions but the instant icy glare he shot towards his cousin was something his family would never forget.

"I thought I made it clear that when y/n comes over you better watch your fucking mouths" he gritted through clenched teeth, the nerve on his forehead throbbing with how much effort it was taking him to stop himself from punching his cousin's stupid face. He found you standing in the kitchen, the food that was previously on your plate was now in the trash can and you just stood there staring at it, your small sniffles reaching his ears. You jumped upon feeling two strong arms wrap around your waist but melted into heeseung's touch in an instant.

"Baby, it's okay, have you seen the amount of food that i eat? On the daily basis?" His words made you snort, how ladylike. It was true, heeseung always made sure to load his plate full, piling stuff to the top just so he could make you laugh and forget about your own portion size. It always worked.

"Let's get out of here and I'll take you to this new ice cream parlor I've been meaning to try, would you like that baby? Just me and you?" He peppered small kisses along the length of your neck tenderly, making you close your eyes and just bask in his love. "Yeah I'd love that" you whispered. He was enough for you. You could deal with anything as long as you were in his arms.

Jay

Watching yourself in the mirror was always daunting for you, having no idea of what you really looked like, just constant voices in your head chanting "ugly" were all you could focus on. The dress that you were trying on was tight, it was suffocating. Not thin enough, not pretty enough, starve, starve-

A choked sob escaped your lips and you covered your mouth instantly, realizing that you were in a public space and your boyfriend was right outside. Jay's thought made you cry more, all of your self doubts creeping in and you turned away from the mirror, unable to look at your distorted reflection any longer. You often questioned why he was with you, you were nothing but a mess of a person, not pretty, not normal... just a gaping wound was what you were. Always bleeding. A sudden knock at the changing room's door jolted you out of your thoughts and you quickly wiped your tears, breathing in through your nose to make your voice less wobbly "yes?" you asked, hoping it was just a staff.

"baby let me in please" came jay's sweet voice and you closed your eyes, a defeated sigh leaving your lips. He knew you were having a breakdown, of course he knew, he always knew. You trudged towards the door and yanked it open, presenting your tear stained face to your worried boyfriend. Jay took you in his arms in an instant, cooing and shushing you when you started sobbing in earnest. "talk to me love, I'm right here" he whispered, running his palms all over your body, caressing you with so much tenderness it made you tighten your hold around his neck.

"I just-i don't like this dress" you choked out in the crook of his neck and he hummed in understanding "but I think it looks stunning on you baby" He whispered. His words made you pull back, still sniffing but staring into his eyes to detect a lie being told to placate you.

"You do?" you asked softly, not trusting your voice just yet. He nodded and turned you around, a gasp leaving your lips while your back rested against his chest. Your eyes met his in the mirror and you shied away from the intensity of his gaze. You watched as he ran his hands all over your body, your breath hitching when he cupped your chest, travelling down to your waist, then to your hips "so perfect" he whispered in your ear, making a shiver run down your spine. "look at the way it hugs your curves sweetheart, and the vibrant blue which brings out the color of your eyes", your eyes widened upon realizing that he was right, the dress did do wonders in highlighting your eyes. " look at the way it hugs your hips baby, driving me crazy" and it did, it hugged your hips so snugly, the fit so perfect now that you were seeing yourself in new light. His fingers dug into your waist, his lips touching your earlobe while he told you how beautiful you were. "let me take you home and show you how much I like this dress" He groaned and you bit your lower lip at his suggestion, suddenly feeling so sexy and so desired. He was so good at making you feel like this gorgeous person that you never thought you were. But he was here. And he wanted you. He thought you were pretty and that's all that mattered to you. It didn't heal you but it did make things easier.

Jake

He would be the type of boyfriend who keeps you stacked with your diet soda and 0 calorie foods. After he started dating you he had quickly grasped the severity of your condition, and even though it was out of his hand to actually help you, he did try his best to just be there for you.

"Jake I didn't order these" you asked your boyfriend in confusion, pointing towards the two full boxes of konjac noodles sitting on the kitchen counter. He walked towards you with a smile and pulled you into him. "I did, aren't they your favorite noodles? I was just trying to be a good boyfriend".

Favorite noodles. No they weren't. And you knew that jake knew that, but he didn't like to make you feel like there was something wrong with you, and you appreciated that so much. Your lower lip wobbled upon seeing the new cans of coke zero stacked on the side counter as well. Never had anyone cared so much about your needs and it was making you choke on your emotions. You had been running out of your ed foods and were trying to push back buying them because of the increasing prices, not wanting to waste money on your own hunger because according to you, you didn't deserve to eat anyway.

"How'd you know?" you whispered through a sniffle, already feeling the onslaught of tears. "because I know you, and I love you" He whispered back, wiping your tears and capturing your lips in his own, kissing you through your breakdown.

Sunghoon

You didn't want to overthink it. You really didn't, but your boyfriend was gorgeous and so it was inevitable that he got female attention wherever he went. And most girls ignored your presence beside him, fawning over him as if he didn't have his fingers intertwined with yours. She was beautiful, the girl your boyfriend had been laughing with when you stepped into his office unannounced. That was your biggest mistake because now you couldn't help but compare. Compare the thighs, the arms, the waist... you were nothing like her. Were these the women sunghoon spent his entire day with? and he still chose to come back to your plain self? What were you even doing with yourself? You should be starving harder, you decided. Just a few inches more and your waist might start looking like her, and maybe a few more inches on your thighs would make everything better and the- you were spiralling again. Unable to stop it even though you knew the consequences.

"This is the 3rd order this week baby" sunghoon's voice made you turn towards your bedroom door, mentally cursing upon finding the packaged waist trainer in his hands. You panicked and snatched it from his hands, mumbling a quick thank you and not meeting his eyes. You could feel his probing gaze on you. "You haven't stepped outside of this house in weeks, care to tell me what's going on?"

You hadn't lost weight, you weren't pretty enough yet, didn't he understand?? You couldn't just go outside looking like this, was he out of his mind?. Warm hands cupping your cheeks pulled you out of your inner monologue and you looked up at his intense eyes staring down at you. He rubbed his thumbs onto your cheeks and rested his forehead against yours

"Do you remember the first day of high school? When you had the biggest zit on your nose?" He asked and you looked up at him confused, not knowing where this conversation was headed but nodded regardless. "I loved you then" he whispered and your throat tightened, remembering how he was probably the only one in your entire grade who didn't make a comment on your acne. "And the time when you fell face first into the muddy water before class cuz you were an idiot who never looked at the ground while walking" The memory made you giggle but sunghoon only smiled fondly , kissing your nose "you were drenched from head to toe but i loved you then. I loved you so much y/n". You could feel the moisture gathering in your eyes at his confession, knowing that you spent your entire teen years hating yourself so much to the point that you failed to see the love that was around you. Remembering how you would shy away from your own reflection in the class windows because you despised yourself to the core. "And I loved you when you slapped me, loved you so much that it hurt". Tears were falling freely now, the painful memory of you slapping sunghoon after he confessed his feelings for you because you thought he was trying to make fun of you, coming back to you. cuz in your head there was no way that a guy like him could ever want something to do with you, so you automatically concluded that it was a prank, a distasteful one. "and I love you right now y/n, I love you because you're you. I can't live without you because your soft snores are the only thing helping me fall asleep most days. Because your stupid jokes are the only ones I'd ever fake my laugh for- you gasped through your tears and slapped his chest lightly, making him chuckle. "I love you because I can't help it. It's that easy to love you. " he continued , wiping your tears, "don't you understand baby? You never had to try to make me love you, so why now?". You buried your face into his chest and sobbed, feeling like a huge rock had been lifted off of your chest. His assurance was what you craved the most. The reminder that you were enough for someone. For him.

"I want you just like you are sweetheart, flaws and scars intact. Raw and unfiltered. Now that I have you in my arms, please don't take that away from me" He whispered, wrapping his hands tightly around your heaving body.

"If it's hard for you to love yourself,please let me do it for you" and just like that, he was again fixing the parts of you that he didn't break.

[munson-blurbs]

Hey can I do one of the spirit Halloween requests. Sour Patch Kids/Butterfinger. And can it be with Eddie please. Can include smut if that's OK. Thank you 😊

Enemies-to-Lovers/Shy!Reader/Eddie Munson

(+ 3 other anon requests)

I couldn't figure out a way to make it smutty without it seeming forced, but there are definitely some raunchy elements. I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Eddie is mean to Reader, allusion to masturbation (18+ only, minors DNI), Reader wears a skirt

WC: 1.2k

Divider credit to @saradika

“Absolutely not.” Eddie crosses his arms over his chest, a sneer cursing his lips. 

“Come on, man!” Mike grumbles, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “I told Nancy I’d help her out.”

Eddie scoffs, turning away from you and your best friend’s younger brother. “Yeah, well, I didn’t promise shit,” he retorts. “We don’t need anymore players, and we definitely don’t need her.”

Your lower lip quivers, and you bite it to stop from crying. “I, um, i-it’s okay, Mike,” you hurriedly reassure him. “I’ll tell Nancy you tried.” You turn around and leave the drama room, tears blurring your vision. 

“What the hell is your problem?” Mike yells loud enough that you can hear him halfway down the hallway, despite the pounding in your ears. “Nancy said she’s really into DnD. She could, I dunno, be our sub when Lucas has a game or something.”

“Am I speaking a different language? No. N-O. Not happening.”

Gareth cocks a bemused brow. “Are you still pissed off about—”

“SHUT UP!” Eddie’s bellow reverberates around the tiny room. “Look, are we gonna play or not?”

“I gotta go make sure she’s okay before Nancy kicks my ass,” Mike huffs, slinging his backpack over one shoulder. “Thanks for nothing,” he spits at Eddie.

No one says anything for a moment; the Hellfire Club is eerily silent. Finally, Jeff speaks up. “That was pretty harsh, Ed.”

“That was harsh?!” Eddie guffaws and clenches his jaw. “Me telling her she can’t join Hellfire is harsh, but she can talk shit about me to her friends, and that’s totally fine? Cool, got it.” He shakes his head at the memory. Just a few weeks ago, he’d been walking to your locker to ask you out, only to overhear you telling Nancy that you wish he would disappear and leave you alone.

“Why do you even care so much?” Lucas asks, now thoroughly invested in the drama.

“Because he loves her,” Gareth pipes up, “and she thinks he’s an obnoxious prick, which is accurate.” He’s unfazed by Eddie’s glare, having been on the receiving end of his anger many a time. “Dude, you embarrassed the shit outta her in history! Why would she be nice to you?”

Dustin rolls his eyes. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” Eddie insists at the same time Gareth says, “As soon as she walked into class, he jumped on his desk and shouted, ‘there’s the prettiest girl in Hawkins!’”

All of the guys let out a collective groan. “You can’t do that with a shy girl!” Lucas groans. If Eddie wasn’t six inches taller than him, he’d smack him upside the head. “Max would kick my ass if I did that to her.”

“She probably thought you were making fun of her,” Dustin points out, and Eddie’s face falls when everyone else nods in agreement. “Have you tried, like, talking to her and not at her?”

“No,” Eddie admits, scuffing the toe of his Reeboks on the tile floor. “Shit, I gotta fix this–I’ll be right back.”

You’re nearly at the double doors of Hawkins High’s entrance when you hear a familiar voice calling your name. You wipe the tears from your cheeks and muster up all of your courage, but your words still rush out too quickly. “I’m gonna tell Nancy that Hellfire wasn’t my scene. You’re in the clear, okay? Just…go away.”

But he doesn’t go away; he comes closer. The anger that previously flamed behind his eyes is extinguished, replaced by concern. “Can we talk?” he softly asks. “We can go in my van so it’s more private. Please.”

“Fine.” The desperation in his tone convinces you to give in. You follow him to the van, offering him the smallest smile when he opens the door and motions for you to go inside. Pushing aside a stray guitar pick, you take a seat on the carpeted floor. 

Eddie takes a deep breath, twisting his rings around his fingers nervously. “I, um, I’m sorry. For, y’know, the whole thing in history class.”

You suck your lip between your teeth before responding. “S’okay,” you mumble. You really want to tell him off so he knows how hurt you were by his teasing, but you can’t bring yourself to say the words.

“No, it’s not. I…I should’ve told you when it was just the two of us,” he counters, drawing a confused look from you. “What?”

“Told me what?”

“That I think you’re the prettiest girl in Hawkins.” He offers his own puzzled expression when you scramble to your knees and lean for the door handle. “Wait! Where’re you going?”

There’s a lump in your throat that you force yourself to swallow before you can speak. “This is obviously a big joke to you, Eddie. ‘Ha ha, let’s point out how ugly the nerdy girl is!’” 

“No. No.” Eddie’s voice is firm but kind. “It wasn’t a joke. I really think you’re the prettiest girl in Hawkins. And I like you. A lot,” he adds with a nervous laugh. “That whole, uh, performance was my way of flirting.”

You’re still unconvinced, cocking a brow in disbelief, so he continues. “How about this: since I embarrassed you, I’ll tell you an embarrassing secret. And if I’m lying about liking you, you can tell everybody.”

You relent for the second time today. “O-Okay. That’s fair.”

“All right.” Eddie rubs his palms on his jeans, slick with anxious perspiration. “So, remember that time that I got to class, all…sweaty and out of breath and stuff?”

You nod. “Mhm.” He’d told Mrs. Click that he’d been in gym class, but you knew he’d just come from lunch like you had. You’d figured he’d had a deal out in the woods and ran back to school. 

“Well, um,” he looks down at the carpet, “it was because I saw you in the cafeteria wearing this cute little skirt, and I had to…take care of myself. In the boys’ room.” He presses his palms to his eyes and says, mostly to himself, “No fuckin’ way did I just admit that.”

You’re shell-shocked. Like joining Hellfire, the skirt in question was another one of Nancy’s ideas to ease you out of your comfort zone. You had no idea he’d even noticed. “Y-You liked it?” you ask dumbly. 

“Ohhhh, yeah,” Eddie chuckles. “I gotta stop thinkin’ about it before…” His eyes drop to the zipper of his jeans, a small tent already visible against the seam, and he hurries to switch subjects. “D’you still wanna play DnD with us? I promise I’m usually less of a dick. And a perv.”

You roll your eyes playfully. “I have my doubts about that last part,” you tease, only half-joking, “but, yeah. I would love to play with you guys.”

“Awesome.” Eddie’s face lights up. “And maybe after, you and I can grab something to eat? Maybe catch a movie or somethin’?”

Before you can chicken out, you kiss his cheek. “It’s a date.”

The two of you walk back into the school, Eddie’s hand on the small of your back. “Oh, um, one more thing?”

“Mhm?”

“Can you change into that skirt?”

--

[angelfacedelrey]

Unloved ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

luke castellan x aphrodite!reader

summary: luke confesses some his stuggles to you, then you confess some of yours to him.

words: 1.7 k

!! MAJOR ed tw !!

a/n: this is just me venting about my ed lol. this is my first fic so please be nice <3

There was something off about Luke. You could tell the moment you saw him. Even though you’ve only been dating for 4 months now, you know when something is wrong. During the party that the Dionysus kids insisted they threw (for pretty much no reason), he wasn’t his usual smiley and outgoing self. He seemed reserved and quiet. You were outside the dining pavilion talking to some other kids from camp. In the glow of the torches, everyone was laughing and having a good time except for him. You weren't either, but you tried to look like you were. Your arm was wrapped around his as you leaned against him and listened to the conversation, though you couldn’t focus on what they were saying. You kept glancing up at Luke every minute or so to see if he looked any happier (he never did). 

After the conversation fades out, you pull him away to a quiet area and whisper to him, “Luke, are you okay… you seem… off.”

He sighs and looks away for a second before answering, “Let’s talk by the lake.” 

Anxiety grows in your stomach. What could this mean? You just nod as he grabs your hand and takes you to the lake. The water is pitch black in the night and there is a chill in the summer air. He lets go of your hand and looks down to see your face. 

“I’m sorry… there’s just a lot going on right now,” His hand scratches the back of neck as he says this. 

“You don’t have to be sorry, Luke. I’m listening,” you say, as you look him in the eyes and gently grab his hand. “I know it must be hard since Percy and Annabeth went on that quest, I know she was like a little sister to you.”

Nervously, he clears his throat. “Yeah, but, um, it’s not just that…”

“Oh…what is it?”

He sighs and lowers his head, “Look, just promise me that you won’t view me any differently after I tell you this.”

“No, no,” you say hastily, while shaking your head. “There’s nothing you could ever say to me that will make me view you differently, Luke. I’ll love you no matter what, I promise.”

Luke looks you in the eyes again. “Nothing?”

“Nothing,” a reassuring smile grows on your face.

He can’t help but smile with you. He’ll remember that. “Look, it’s just about my dad… Do you ever feel… betrayed by our godly parents?”

Taken aback by the question, you stop to think before answering. “Betrayed how?”

“Like, they just ignore us, like we’re nothing to them. Like we’re not even their children.”

“I-I guess so. I mean I feel like that sometimes.”

“That shouldn’t be how it is, though,” He sighs and keeps talking. “I don’t think Hermes even knows most of his kids. Most of my half siblings have barely met him, if at all. It’s just so… infuriating. He goes around, siring kids, and then sits up in Olympus and just leaves them. I’ve spent my entire fucking life wondering where my father is. Waiting for him to maybe one day come and talk to me or just acknowledge my existence. But, no. I’ve only met him once, because he can’t be bothered to get to know his own fucking kid!” 

For a moment, he runs his hand through his curls and exhales before he continues. “And what I’m about to say might sound… bad…but seeing Percy get claimed just like that after finding out he’s a half blood for, like, what a week? It just intensified everything I felt before… Like some kid just shows up and now he’s loved by everyone and claimed by his father. And yet, I fight everyday and what do I get? Nothing! I’m the best sword fighter in camp, I pray, I give offerings, I’ve done everything right. But it’s still not enough for him… I’m just so fucking tired of these Gods just doing whatever they want and not caring who they hurt…”

After saying all that he turns back to look at you. You're standing there in stunned silence, unsure of what to say. 

“Luke, I… I’m so sorry,” you walk over and give him a hug. He hugs you back and rests his chin on your head. A few silent moments pass as you stay like that. The sound of campers excitedly chatting and partying could be heard distantly behind them. 

“Do you see me differently now?” He asks, quietly.

You pull away, but keep your hands on his arms, gripping him gently. “No, Luke, I really don’t. I told you nothing you say will ever make me view you differently.”

“I know it’s just that… most people would think that I’m… weak for feeling this…”

“Weak?” You look shocked. “How could anyone ever think you’re weak? You’re one of the strongest people I know!” You kiss him softly on the cheek and smile reassuringly causing a slight blush to appear on his cheeks. 

“I understand what you’re saying, trust me. I, of all people, understand what it’s like to do your best to get your parent’s love and praise… and yet, it’s never enough,” You say, trying to give him a sympathetic look.

“You understand?” Luke asks, his face softening a bit. 

“I understand all too well…” You say with a humorless laugh. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, but…”

“But?” 

“Well, y’know with Aphrodite being the goddess of beauty and all…there’s, um, a lot of pressure for us to look a certain way…”

Sighing slightly, Luke brushes a strand of your hair behind your ear. “Is this about… dieting?” He says it carefully, unsure of how to word it correctly. 

“Yeah,” you look away, ashamed to be telling someone this. “I’ve been counting calories since I learned to count. I obsess over every little thing I consume. I eat as little as I can, yet it always feels like too much. I go on runs or swims everyday… and it’s still never enough. I’m never thin enough… I love my mom, but… I can’t help, but feel like she made me start doing this.”

Now it’s Luke’s turn to stand there in stunned silence. “I had no idea… that you’re going through all this. I-I’m sorry, I should’ve noticed.” He thinks back to everyday in the dining pavilion when he’d look over to you at the Aphrodite table and see you playing with your food instead of eating. Or all the times when you’d say you weren’t hungry and would change the subject to anything besides food. Or all the daily runs he’d see you go on. Or, most concerning of all, the quick weight loss. How all your clothes that used to fit, now hang over your body like a shower curtain. Your once cherub-like face became pale and almost gaunt with dark circles under your eyes and a tired expression always. How has no one noticed? How has he never noticed?

You just shake your head and give him a gentle smile. “Luke, it’s okay. I tried my hardest to keep it hidden. Also, my mental state isn’t your responsibility…”

“But I’m your boyfriend,” grabbing your hands gently, he looks at you with a sympathetic expression. “It’s my job to care for you, especially when you’re… sick. Does anyone else know?”

“No,” you shake your head once more. “You’re the first person I told… It’s not a big deal, I’m not even that sick.”

“What?” He says, his eyebrows furrowing together as a shocked expression etches onto his face. “Not that sick? Y/N, you’re starving yourself! That sounds pretty sick to me.”

You just shrug in response.

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Since like,10 or 11. I told you, I’ve been counting calories since I learned to count.”

He stands there quietly for a bit, as his heart sinks. “That young?”

“Yeah,” you respond. 

“If you don’t mind me asking… How many calories do you eat in a day?”

“I-I don’t know,” you lie, you know exactly how many calories you consume, down to the stick of gum you’d chew for a snack. “Like about 400-800…” You try (and fail) to fight back a smile that grows on your face. Despite how unhealthy it is, you can’t help, but feel proud of it. 

Luke, on the other hand, just feels shocked and concerned. “That-that’s nothing… and for so long. Y/N, you need help. You’re killing yourself.”

“I know, believe me, I know… But I can’t stop.” 

He reaches up and cups your face, rubbing circles with his thumbs before kissing your forehead. “I wish you could realize you’re perfect the way you are. I wish you could see yourself the way everyone else does,” he says it softly. “I’d love you, no matter how you look.”

“Really?” You ask, while a blush appears on your cheeks.

“Really,” He says, tenderly grabbing your waist and pulling you close to him. You rest your head against his chest and once again, you stay like that for a while.

Slowly, you pull away and smile softly at him. “I’m getting tired, can you stay with me tonight?... Not to do anything, but just like to… be with me…” You hastily added the last part, but hesitated. Most guys don’t react kindly to you saying you don’t want to do anything.

“Of course,” Luke responds. “But can you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Can you try to… eat better tomorrow? Please, just try…”

You hesitate before answering, “I will. I’ll try.”

He smiles brightly, “That’s my girl.” He gently grabs your hand and walks you to Cabin 10.

You spend the rest of the night together in your bed. However, Luke doesn’t get much sleep. 

He holds you close to his chest as you sleep and thinks about everything you had told him. He hates himself for not noticing sooner. But a very small part of him feels relieved. If your mom caused you this much pain, then maybe convincing you to join him in taking down the Gods wouldn’t be as hard as he thought…

He hates himself even more for thinking that.   

[honestlydarkprincess]

so let the words slip out of your mouth

buck & eddie || rated: g || wc: 1.7k || read on ao3

Buck wasn’t trying to hide from Eddie. Really, he wasn’t. It’s just….every time Buck tried to get the words out he clammed up. He was pretty sure that Eddie thought there was something wrong with him, he’d been giving Buck increasingly worried looks over the last couple weeks.

Eddie had overheard Hen telling him that she would add him to the queer LAFD group chat— not she had said what the group chat was for at the time— and he’d given Buck a weird look, as he knew how much Buck hated group chats. Buck was also sure that Eddie had noticed the look on Bobby’s face when he looked at Buck sometimes, like he was proud of him, happy for him. It never failed to warm Buck from head to toe but he knew it made Eddie curious. The worst was probably Chimney, who, after a few too many weird goodbyes, had stopped saying bye altogether and had taken to saying adios.

So Eddie definitely knew something was up with Buck, but Buck was pretty sure he didn’t know what.

Buck was sitting at his table, staring into space as he contemplated how to tell Eddie. Tommy had just left— they’d had a nice romantic date before Tommy had to leave due to an early shift the next morning and Buck was still giddy over their date. Things were good between him and Tommy. Solid. They’d only been dating for a few weeks but Buck was over the moon and he was really excited to see where things were going to go between them.

A soft knock sounded at his door, breaking him out of his thoughts.

Buck went to answer it, figuring it was Tommy. “You forget something?” He asked as he opened the door.

Only it wasn’t Tommy, it was Eddie. “Hey, Buck. Can we talk?”

“Y-yeah, of course,” Buck stumbled over his words, moving to the side so Eddie could come in. Buck swallowed roughly as he shut the door behind him. Looks like they’d be having this conversation whether he was ready or not. “What do you want to talk about?”

Eddie just gave him a look. “You know what.”

Buck sighed. “I wasn’t trying to hide it from you, Eds. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Eddie pressed, shoving his hands in his pockets. “If I’m being honest, Buck, I don’t really know what’s going on. I just know that everyone at work is acting weird, like they’re in on this secret and I’m not, and I’ve tried to figure it out, trust me. But I can’t. What could be so bad that you can’t tell me?”

“It’s not bad, I promise,” Buck said earnestly. “There’s nothing wrong, I’ve just…figured some things out.”

“Okay…” Eddie trailed off, looking at Buck when he didn’t elaborate. “What things?”

“It’s that— I’m—” Buck tried, swallowing against the lump in his throat. His heart was beating so fast, just like it had the first time he came out. You’d think all the practice he’d had would have made it easier but something about coming out to Eddie made everything feel so much more.

“Is it that you’re hanging out with Tommy? I saw him leave. You guys don’t have to hide it,” Eddie said, his brow furrowed. “It’s not like I’d be upset. A little bummed that I’m not invited but not upset,” Eddie chuckled, although his laughter trailed off when Buck just stood there.

“Tommy and I…” Buck started, clearing his throat. “We are hanging out but we’re not friends.”

“How does that work?” Eddie looked adorably confused.

“Eds, we’re dating.”

“Oh,” Eddie said, his eyebrows raising in surprise. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Buck said, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “So I’m…the news is that I’m bisexual. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

Eddie was quiet for a moment, digesting the new information while Buck fidgeted in front of him. “So…when we ran into you at the pizza place…you guys were on a date, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, it was our first,” Buck mumbled, unable to keep a small smile from gracing his lips. The date had been a little tense and a whole lot awkward when Eddie and Marisol interrupted but then Tommy had walked him back to his door and kissed him and Buck had melted, throwing himself into the kiss. They’d found their footing and it hadn’t been awkward since.

“Shit, Buck, I’m so sorry, we totally interrupted,” Eddie looked dismayed.

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” Buck reassured.

“I’m still sorry,” Eddie said quietly. “And I’m sorry for storming over here and basically forcing you to tell me. You clearly didn’t want to and I made you and I’m just, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey, no,” Buck said, his brow furrowing as he took a step closer to Eddie. “You didn’t make me do anything, I was always going to tell you, I was just having a hard time finding the words.”

Eddie let out a sigh of relief and closed the distance between them, pulling Buck into a bear hug. Buck hugged back just as tightly, letting out a shuddering breath when Eddie whispered, “I’m proud of you, Buck. Thanks for telling me.”

“You’re welcome,” Buck mumbled back. A quick fleeting thought dashed across his mind that Eddie’s arms felt so good around him, something he’d always known but now it was at the forefront of his mind. It felt different now and Buck felt a tendril of confusion. Why did hugging his best friend feel different now? Why did it feel better? Like something was slotting together? Buck shook his head as he pulled away from the hug, trying to physically shake away the thoughts. He wasn’t ready to think about that. “I’m surprised you’re here so late, where’s Chris?”

“Ah,” Eddie looked sheepish. “We had a bit of a fight and he wanted space so Tia Pepa said she’d take him for the night.”

“Oh? About what?” Buck was confused, the amount of times Eddie and Christopher had fought was a very small number.

Eddie sighed. “It’s dumb, you probably don’t want to hear it,” He tried to brush it off. “Let’s talk about more important things: so, you and Tommy?”

Buck ducked his head, blushing. “Yeah, me and Tommy.”

“That’s great, Buck, I’m really happy for you,” Eddie said. A quick expression flitted across his face, too quick for Buck to decipher it, before Eddie gave him a genuine smile.

“Thanks, Eds,” Buck murmured, a pleased glow lighting up his face. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know but first, talk to me about Chris. What did you fight about, is he okay?” Buck was concerned for his favourite Diaz.

“He’s not Marisol’s biggest fan,” Eddie sighed, scrubbing his jaw. “He doesn’t like that she’s been babysitting him so much— which is on me, I’ve been going out a lot with Tommy, especially that first couple of weeks and now, I just— I guess I have to figure that out.”

“Shit, Eddie, I’m sorry,” Buck said, his voice soft with sympathy. “You want a beer?”

“God, yes please,” Eddie blew out a breath, coming to sit down at the island in Buck’s kitchen. Buck placed an opened beer in front of him and then opened one for himself. “Thanks, Buck.” Eddie said gratefully, taking a hearty sip.

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t even know,” Eddie said, picking at the beer bottle label. “If I’m being honest, I’m not…really feeling it? Like, it was exciting at first and she’s nice but that’s…that’s it. I don’t feel a spark with her, y’know? I don’t really feel anything for her. I guess that’s why I kind of blew up at Chris, because I felt guilty that I wasn’t actually upset that he didn’t like her.”

“If you want me to talk to him, just let me know,” Buck offered.

“That would be great, I’d really appreciate that.”

“No problem,” Buck smiled before he took a deep breath, steeling himself for his next question. “Speaking of Christopher, Eddie can I….can I tell him? About me?”

Eddie looked at him in surprise. “Buck, of course. You don’t even have to ask. Besides, he’s…” Eddie trailed off, looking at Buck with soft eyes. “He’s your kid too.”

Buck swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat, feeling tears sting his eyes. “Y-yeah?”

“Yeah, Buck,” Eddie grinned.

“You’ve never said that before,” Buck said shyly.

“To be honest I thought you knew,” Eddie’s voice was gentle. “You’re his guardian if anything happens to me.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s mine,” Buck countered, looking down at his hands.

“It does to me,” Eddie replied firmly, so there was so ifs, ands, or buts. “He’s ours.”

“Ours,” Buck tested the word out, liking the way it sounded. “Okay. Ours.”

Eddie’s smile could outshine the sun and Buck felt his heart skip a beat, just like it always did when Eddie smiled at him.

The two of them were quiet for a minute, basking in the comfortable silence while they sipped their beer, before Buck eventually spoke up. “How do you think I should tell him?”

“That you’re bi?” Eddie asked and Buck nodded. “I’d just say it straight.”

Buck laughed. “Well, I don’t know if I can say it straight.”

Eddie chuckled. “You’re going to be making all the puns now, aren’t you?” His voice was unbearably fond and Buck wanted to wrap himself around the glow it lit inside him. “You know what I meant. Just say it outright, you know he’ll support you. You may have to explain what bisexual means but honestly I think he’s going to be very casual about it. Plus, he likes Tommy so you know he’s going to be excited that you’re dating.”

“Okay, great,” Buck’s shoulders relaxed and he let out a huge sigh of relief. “Thank you, Eddie.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Buck,” Eddie said. “Now come on, let’s finish these while we watch a shitty movie.”

“Sounds good,” Buck said warmly, following Eddie to the couch. And it did— sound good. He felt better than he had in weeks now that Eddie knew and was okay with it— just like Buck had always known he would be, but that small part of him that worried was loud. As Buck leaned back against the couch while they flicked through the movie options, he felt complete. And very, very free.

[octopus-punching-union]

Mortkranken first reactions—

(spoilers, obviously)

I really liked the case in this one. All the info we learned early in the chapter (about curses, the mermaid, the acid) came back and wrapped up nicely in the end, I thought that was really satisfying.

How desperate that guy must've been, though... being in the hospital for upwards of a year, not seeing any progress made on a cure to his curse. As someone who spent years trying to get an accurate diagnosis for chronic health issues, I kinda get it. (All of the conflicting info MC's getting about her curse is also deeply relatable...)

Hopefully he's not still conscious, in that state of being immortal but with his body constantly being eaten by acid. That's just horrifying.

The info about anomalous viruses vs allergic responses and all that was really interesting, but I think MC's curse is different from those. According to Ed, forgetting about the eye will break the curse, so it's at least partly psychological? (And they like totally gloss over Yuri's super-cure. Even though it didn't work on MC, he might've just cured a ton of the curses in existence, which is huge!)

Yuri's stigma was kinda underwhelming. Like, his superpower is Smart. He's already really smart, and I don't feel like he should have needed his stigma (plus MC's boost) to figure out a battle plan. (But I loved that MC was just like fuck it I'm gonna hold your hand and he was scandalized about it. Bets that he's gonna be lying awake at night thinking about it?)

Loved Yuri and Jiro's dynamic. Loved Jiro being so blasé about everything. Did he kill someone? Maybe, he can't remember, nbd. Let's just put a corspe on dry ice, nothing wrong with that...

I wonder how much of Jiro's memory is affected? If it's just stuff from around the Clash, or generally everything before his coma? (How much does he remember Zenji?)

LOVED MC taking initiative at the end and calling for the general students to help. Yeah, they needed some extra motivation, but like. Most of the ghouls seem to forget that the general students even exist, and don't consider that they might be able to help with anything. Once they get up to the surface, the general students realize that yeah, they can help! I think that's really important when talking about campus unity — the general students are part of Darkwick, too.

About the Clash... the murder victim being in Ultio is making me feel more certain that the list of suspects is a red herring. I feel like Ultio was pretty shady and literally anything could have happened.

Also starting to think that the Clash was like every house for themselves and there weren't clear-cut sides. Frostheim, Vagastrom, and Mortkranken all hate each other. Everyone hates Obscuary. Everyone thinks Hotarubi's a bunch of anomaly sympathizers. Etc.

Really nice to see everyone making an appearance in this episode, even if briefly.

Subaru and Sho! I love them so much and I hope nothing bad happens to them.

Luca and Kaito! I feel like they've both grown a little since we last saw them? Luca jumps to conclusions but backs down quickly when he realizes he's misunderstood something. (Adorable really, when he thanks the one guy for giving them directions to the Pit. What a sweetheart.) Kaito is so so so intimidated by Jiro, but he stands up for MC when Jiro tries to take her away without explaining.

Alan! I wish we'd gotten more of him, especially with him being the first witness and all. It reinforced some thoughts I had about his character — that he really cares about the Vagastrom students on a personal level. And once he's decided that he trusts you, he really trusts you. (Back in Vagastrom episode, he never once questioned Tohma's actions or intentions, even when Leo served up some damning evidence. And after their mission, he still had a lot of faith in MC even though her ability had just catastrophically "failed" right in front of him. Here, he trusts that she'll solve the case and is willing to give her whatever she needs without question.)

Leo seemed a little... softer this episode. I feel like in episode 2, he wouldn't have taken the step to go make a copy of the case report for MC to have. He's still got some conflict with Alan about how to investigate, but this doesn't feel like he's trying to cut corners. (Genuinely, HOW is Alan planning to interview 80+ people on his own. How.)

(Luca and Alan I think are similar in that they both feel a strong personal responsibility to take action, even if they don't know the best thing to do. Luca jumping to conclusions and picking fights despite Kaito begging him to slow down, Alan sticking with inefficient old-school methods despite the results Leo gets by being more innovative. They both need someone to balance them out so that they can do their best, and I think finding that is going to be a big character development thing for both of them.)

Also interesting that Tohma seemed to take issue with Haku saying "our" referring to Hotarubi, considering how much Tohma has integrated himself into Frostheim.

Oh my god. That conversation between Haku and Tohma. Haku was definitely in Frostheim before, and Tohma seemed even less friendly than in their campus scene. And Haku is totally taunting Tohma like "Maybe MC and I are closer than you think."

...And then right when Tohma is accusing Jiro of messing with Frostheim, Rui pops up like "you know I'm watching you right?" and provides an alibi for Jiro (the herbs). This new ability of like, lurking in the shadows and watching everyone is great yandere fuel...

I've been assuming that "President of the Institute" is an elected or appointed role? But Tohma just goes right out and says that Jin will be the next president. If they're planning a coup, that's not very subtle. Unless it's not news that Jin will be/wants to be the next President... like if it's a hereditary position or if Haku was already aware of Jin's ambitions (if Haku used to be part of their plans?) Or, if it's a hereditary position, does this imply that Jin's family founded the Institute?

Towa and the tree. The yellow fruit represents Vagastrom? Something between Mid-Obscuary and Mid-Mortkranken caused the fruit to grow, and something in the latter half of Mortkranken caused it to wither. Idk yet.

Ren, cup ramen connoisseur. Ritsu, so sheltered that he's only ever had ramen at one specific restaurant and doesn't really realize that it's weird. Cat manager of the campus store. Those cats really need to unionize.

Taiga... might just be trying to cause problems for fun? But possibly he knows something about the inner workings of Darkwick that would turn him against the Gala and Laurel Crown.

Ed! Ed!!! Yessss, call out the Chancellor for lying in front of the entire fucking school. I love him, and I love that after warning MC about confronting Darkwick on her own, he does it himself so publicly that they can't retaliate against her.

I want to like Hyde. I really want to like him. Looking at his deal positively, he probably knows Dante well enough to know that he would support the Gala, and therefore his own support wouldn't actually be the swing vote. And the deal with MC was just to motivate her to try and unite the ghouls (he's previously talked about seeing the ghouls as people and the extreme responsibilities put on them).

I still don't trust Nicolas or the Chancellor, even though he apologized. They're claiming to care about MC's mental health, but is really that much more traumatic to find out that you're turning into an anomaly, vs that you're gonna die in a year? Both suck, but their decision withheld critical information about the curse that could have helped her identify what's happening to her. MC had no clues at all until Ed talked to her, two months into her year deadline. She is already starting to change. I really don't think that Darkwick, as an institution, has any intention of helping her.

...but he's clearly got yet another agenda going on. What exactly is he talking Sho into doing now? At this point I think Dante is the least shady of the professors, and he might literally be a reanimated corpse.

[ladykailitha]

Grief (A Friend Indeed) Part 7

And now you see why I waited until I had this part written before posting the last one? That was one hell of a cliffhanger. Also everyone gets a dig at Al in this. It's family bonding event. But Steve has the best burn I think.

Just a heads up, Steve talks about being abused...heads up if that's a trigger for you.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

***

Steve placed his hand on Eddie’s back the second he felt his friend stiffen next to him.

“Deep breath, Eds,” he murmured. “There is nothing he can say to you that I will let him get away with, okay? Deep breath. Let me and Wayne handle this.”

Eddie let out a deep breath. “Just careful, Stevie. He’s been known to charm snakes out of their skin.”

Steve’s jaw clenched. So that’s the kind of man he was. He knew that kind of man intimately. His own father was like that. He knew what to watch for now that he had been forewarned.

He plastered a solemn expression on his face, that to everyone who didn’t know him well enough would think sincere, but to Eddie and Wayne, they could see the hard set line of his jaw as he kept one eye on Al and the other on the proceedings.

The funeral wrapped up and everyone lined up to throw dirt on the now lowered coffin. Al tried to get directly behind Eddie, but Steve seamlessly inserted himself between them.

Al bristled but the portly man next to him coughed and he was forced to back down.

Finally the family was all that remained as they all walked back to the church.

The portly man stuck to Al like glue and Steve felt a sudden warmth for the boys in blue at that moment. Because he was pretty sure that even though Al Munson had been granted a furlough, someone was paying to keep that man on a short leash.

The family and a small handful of friends arranged themselves on the pews and waited.

It wasn’t too long until a funny little man with thick bottled glasses came hurrying in.

“I’m sorry Mrs Nelson,” he twittered to Penny. “I had a hard time getting to the church.”

Penny just nodded. “It’s all right Mr Mulbury, you’re here now, that’s all that matters.”

He walked up the pulpit and put his briefcase on it. He pulled out a piece of paper of it and then walked back around the pulpit, leaving the briefcase where it was.

“Ehhm,” Mr Mulbury coughed. “The last will and testament of Gina Munson goes as follows...”

He read it out, people getting little trinkets and things that were meaningful to them, instructions on what to do with her clothes and other things that wouldn’t be given to friends or family.

And then it came time to divide up her meager savings. “My savings of five thousand dollars will be divided three ways. To Penny, you get a thousand to repair that lovely house of yours. I know you didn’t want anything, but use it for your family, dearest girl. Love you all the best.”

Penny laughed a watery little chuckle. She shook her head fondly.

“To Wayne, you get two thousand dollars to finally get that motor home you always wanted. When the time is right, retire and see the world like you always dreamed of. See the stars, my beautiful boy. You deserve stars.”

Wayne teared up, coming down in rivers down his face. Both Steve and Eddie hugged him tight.

“To Allen, who had squandered every good thing he every had, his loving wife, his devoted son, his talents and his good sense, you get nothing. You deserve nothing. If you are here to hear this, I hope it is because the state of Texas deemed it so, and not because you have been set loose again on the world.”

There was a gasp from those gathered and they descended into harsh whispers as they wondered aloud who got the remaining two thousand dollars.

Mr Mulbury cleared his throat. “Instead the remaining two thousand will be given to your son, Edward. Through your actions that boy has suffered so, and because of your actions he will receive not only the money, but all my love as well. Live your dreams, Eddie. Be that star for your uncle. Shine brighter then even that of Polaris. Butterfly kisses into the sunset, darling boy.”

Now Eddie was crying too. Two thousand wouldn’t get him far, but it could get him started. He raised a shaking hand to his quivering lips. Steve grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it.

Eddie looked over and Steve mouthed, “you deserve it.”

He nodded back.

Finally there were some other little things to be wrapped up in the will and then it was all over.

Everyone stood and Steve looked over at Al for the first time since they entered the church. The man had a smile plastered on his face that sent chills down Steve’s spine. Whenever his father wore that expression it meant trouble for someone, usually Steve.

They mingled for a bit, waiting until Penny’s friend came back to tell her that dinner was ready for them. Penny, Wayne, Steve, and Eddie all clustered together while everyone else gathered in other groups.

People were coming up and telling Eddie how much he deserved the money and how much his grandmother loved him. It made Steve puff out his chest in pride.

Finally Al came over and all four of them stiffened.

“Eddie, my boy!” Al greeted warmly. “You’ve grown so much since I last saw you. You’re spitting image of your old man.” He lifted a handcuffed hand with a jaunty little wave. “I’d hug ya, but I’m on a bit of a leash.”

Penny bristled. “I paid good money for that leash, I’m glad to see it working.”

The men turned to her in shock.

“Did you know,” she said through gritted teeth, “that the state of Texas was going to let him come to the funeral without a guard to make sure he didn’t escape? And that you actually have to pay for that service?”

Al grinned. “Ah...Penny-elle-oh-pee, you shouldn’t have.” His voice dropped low and menacing. “You really shouldn’t have.”

The portly man nudged him with his elbow. Al straightened up, his charming mask firmly in place.

Wayne shook his head. “Al, Al, Al...you never did know when to fold and when to call.”

Al turned to his brother for the first time. “Big brother always watching out for everyone and never getting ahead. How much they pay you at that workhouse? You know the one, the one that took Dad’s life?”

Wayne grinned. “Pretty good considering we union’ed up about five years ago. Which would have known if you actually read any of the letters I sent you. Just like you would have known about what Eddie looks like now...”

Steve hurried to cover his snort, but Al whipped his head his direction.

“And who the hell are you?”

Steve eyed him with a raised eyebrow. “Steve Harrington, my mother is Sophia Kincade, of the Lexington Kincades and a good friend of your son’s.”

Al turned to Penny. “Why he is here with family?”

Wayne bristled. “This is the boy that saved your son during that major earthquake we had earlier this year. Another thing you’d know if you’d read my damn letters. He deserves to be here just as much as you if not more so.”

Just then Penny’s friend came in and told them that dinner was ready for the family.

Al ran his tongue over his teeth and grinned. “Hey, Bernie, how much time have we got?”

The portly man looked at his watch. “We’ve got about an hour before we have to leave to catch our flight.”

Penny furrowed her brow but knew she couldn’t deny him dinner as much as it grated.

The friends that had been at the reading made their goodbyes and soon everyone else was filing into cars.

Penny and her family in her blue Chevy, Steve, Eddie and Wayne in his BMW, and Al and Bernie in an unmarked Crown Vic.

They get to the house and the scents of a home cooked meal waft from the open front door.

They all go sit down at the table, Danny and Wayne pulling out two more chairs for their unwelcomed guests.

Steve was disappointed to see that not only was there enough food to feed Al and Bernie, but that there was enough food to feed a fucking army.

Penny’s friend’s name is Lucy and her daughter Beth is one of Lauren’s friends, too. They’re both blonde with bright blue eyes and curvy bodies.

They are bustling around the table making sure everyone has enough food.

About half way through dinner Al speaks up. “So you still playing that guitar of yours, Ed?”

Eddie stiffened. “I’ve got a red NJ Warlock that I play now.”

“Ooh...fancy,” Al whistled. “You steal it?”

Lauren and Wayne bristled, but Eddie scoffed. “No, but I did steal an RV once while on the run wanted for murder, but they were a bunch of pricks anyway.”

Wayne and Steve stifled a laugh while the rest of the family looked as though they weren’t sure if he was telling the truth or not.

“Cleared of all charges,” Steve added with a sly smile. “Court ruled it extenuating circumstances.”

It was Eddie’s turn to hide his smile in his napkin.

Al’s mood darkened. He didn’t like being out of the inside joke. “You gonna do anything with the talent I gave ya, teaching you how to play on that beat up ‘ole six string?”

This time Eddie rankled. How dare AL imply that he had anything to do with his ability to play guitar? As if the real reason wasn’t sitting right there at the table.

Steve put his hand on Eddie’s shoulder, calming him.

“Was that before or after you taught him how to hotwire a car?” he asked, faux innocence.

Al sputtered.

“See, I always got the impression,” Steve continued, “that instead of teaching Eddie how to play guitar or throw a ball you were too busy trying to make sure your son followed in your footsteps straight into the penitentiary.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide with barely contained glee.

“While Wayne on the other hand,” he said scratching his temple, “was working hard to put on the table, get Eddie through school, and give him the best life he could given the hand you dealt both of them. Now, I’m just some outsider, but I know what it’s like to have a shit dad.”

The room was stock still. Steve didn’t think that they were even breathing at this point, but he pressed on.

“Didn’t fit into the box he built? He hit me. Didn’t get captain my sophomore year, something that had never been done ever? He hit me. Didn’t date the right girl? He hit me. Ditched my asshole friends? He hit me. Now, I don’t know if you’re cut from the same cloth or not. I don’t give a fuck. But you tell another lie like that one to these honest folk, and Officer Bernie here will be taking you back to Texas in a body bag.”

Al jumped to his feet, but before he could even twitch Steve’s direction Bernie whipped out a taser and zapped him with it. Soon he was doing a different kind of twitching.

On the floor.

Bernie began clapping and soon everyone else was too.

Steve blushed. “To think I could have been like that asshole if it wasn’t for getting some sense knocked into me by people who actually gave a damn. I’m sorry he ruined dinner.”

Penny scoffed. “Dinner isn’t ruined. Wayne, Danny please help the kind officer take out the trash.”

Officer Bernie chuckled. “Much appreciated, ma’am.”

Wayne and Danny stood up and helped him take Al back into the Crown Vic.

Wayne went through and made sure that Al didn’t steal anything or had anything that might be a danger to the good officer. He never had trusted Al, even as kids and he sure the hell wasn’t going to start now.

Soon the officer was on his way and the family sat down to eat the dinner that was so wonderfully prepared in peace. Like Gina had always intended.

Wayne smiled at Steve. He was proud of how he had stood up to Al for his boy.

****

Pt 8|Pt 9|Pt 10|Pt 11|Pt 12

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[piratefishmama]

Forgiven not Forgotten | Part 6

Matchmaking would unfortunately have to wait. As much as the parents wanted to dive right in, meddle a little, be insufferable, it was well overdue after all, there were more pressing concerns. Eddie was awake. He was awake, coherent, sure he’d been initially a little loopy loo on the drugs, but he was able to answer questions, simple questions. Sort of.

“What year is it?”

“I mean, I thought it was 1986 but I seem to be missing a couple of years so, pretty sure it’s 1988 now. So much for graduating.”

“Who’s the president?”

“Man I dunno, how would I know? I just told you I’m missing a couple of years. Reagan? Is it still Reagan?”

“It’s still Reagan, Eds, election isn’t for another few months.”

��Thanks, Stevie.” Eddie turned back to the doctor “Reagan then.”

“Don’t help the patient, Mr Harrington.” Steve mouthed a sorry but didn’t actually look sorry. Eddie just smiled at him. A conspiratorial little grin shared between them, like an inside joke they’d never had the moment to create. It continued on like that for a good half an hour, boring step by step questions to ascertain just how much of Eddie’s memory was simply not there.

It turned out, he remembered nothing from after he took his seemingly last breath, to waking up in that room. Or at least that was what he was sticking to. Until the doctors left and everyone decided to leave Steve on his own in that room with him. The Harringtons gently guiding Dustin out as well, offering to get him something from the vending machines as their sandwiches had been distributed already to those sitting in with Max, Will, and Eleven via Robin.

Stinson had already collected the documents and was likely off to do whatever she had to do to fulfil her promises.

“I do remember some stuff.” Eddie finally broke the silence that seemed to fall over them the second everyone left the room. Steve’s eyes shot to him, wide, fearful? Why was he afraid? He held up a hand quickly, then got up out of his chair. Eddie watched in confused silence as Steve rummaged around the room, checking around things, the flowers people had left, the plant in the corner of the room, the TV that hadn’t been turned on, each of the little machines, he even checked the lights, and only when apparently satisfied, his search coming up empty-handed, did he finally turn back to Eddie.

“What do you remember, Eddie?”

“Nothing out here I guess.” He wasn’t going to ask why Steve ransacked the room, it didn’t really matter. “The real world I mean. It was like… a void. This big, dark space. It felt like I was stuck in limbo, but I could like… make stuff appear if I thought about it hard enough.” Steve’s continued silence only prompted him to talk more “like—like my bedroom back at the trailer? I could make that appear, everything in it, crystal clear, I could use stuff in it like my guitar, or my yo-yo! I could make the picnic table behind the school appear, I could even make Red’s living room appear if I thought about it hard enough… it was like… like I was stuck in my own brain or something, it was only places I’d been too. Time didn’t really… move there, y’know? I thought I’d only been gone a few days.”

Steve was looking down at the floor, brows furrowed, eyes flicking as if searching for answers in his own mind, working through theory after theory in silence. “Was it just you in there?”

“Mhm yeah, I mean… sorta. I think so. I mean, the mirror in my room always freaked me out a little bit but… I dunno, it was me just—”

“Not you.”

“Yeah. How’d you—"

“Don’t talk about this. At all, with anyone else. Okay? Nobody else. Not even the kids. This cannot leave this room, alright?” Eddie’s eyes flicked to the door, before he nodded “you stick to your story, you don’t remember anything. Nothing. You got ate, you woke up here. Nothing in between. Not the void. Nothing. That’s the story you stick to. Got it?”

“…Steve… what happened?” Steve sat back down beside his bed.

“Nothing good, nothing good happened these past two years okay? But as long as you don’t remember, and with what we know, I don’t think there’s anything out there that could jog that memory, you’ll be fine.” Eddie let his eyes drop to his lap, fingers fiddling with the blankets, full of nervous, uncertain energy. He was missing something. He was missing a lot of somethings, but Steve was right. It wasn’t like there was a fog in his mind where memories should have been, he remembered dying, the void, and then waking up. Nothing was missing there. He didn’t even feel like he was missing something. “I’m not going to tell you what happened, Eddie so don’t ask. There are things that you don’t need to know, things that you wouldn’t want to know. Just be grateful that you don’t remember them, and that you’re here, alright?”

“…I still don’t know how I’m here.”

“You don’t need to, just… be glad you are. We all are.”

“…All of you?”

“All of us, Munson.”

They fell into silence again, not uncomfortable, Steve seemed content where he was, a little troubled maybe, there were lines on his face that weren’t there before, stress and worry having etched permanent lines into his skin the past two years, but he was content. “Steve I—”

The door bursting open cut off anything Eddie would have said, he wasn’t even sure what he was going to say, he didn't have a plan but Steve was staying so he had to say something even if it would have been dumb... so he was sort of glad it happened.

He was glad Robin burst in and immediately took to reaching for the TV with a “you have to see this shit.” As her explanation as a news channel, the screen split between two women quickly came into view. one in a news studio, one backed by a horrorscape the people in the room unfortunately recognised.

“—he closest we’ve been allowed to get to Hawkins Indiana in the last two years, after a 7.4 magnitude earthquake rocked this quaint town 80 miles outside of Indianapolis. This town, once struck by tragedy, after tragedy, now lays desolate, a wasteland, and although the government remains tight lipped as to the exact cause of the decay which has steadily overcome this town for the last two years, government operatives who have been slowly picking through the wreckage of this disaster looking for more survivors, have assured us that it is a contained and isolated incident.”

“And this decay… I’m sure towns nearby will be worried, it can’t spread further, right?” The anchor prompted.

“No Judy, we have been assured that, while it remains classified, the cause has been located, and destroyed by a combined herculean effort from both civilian, and government forces.”

“Is there any further information on the murders that took place just before this disaster struck? If you recall some were claiming these disasters were tied to satanism and caused by ritualistic sacrifices at work?”

“Unfortunately the losses sustained in this catastrophe include the majority of the police force investigating this heinous crime, however our sources have revealed the true identity of the perpetrator, to be none other than a Mr Henry Creel, brought to justice by the very man he framed for the murders of Chrissy Cunningham, Patrick McKinney, Fredrick Benson, and the attempted murder of Maxine Mayfield. Eyewitnesses have come forward to reveal Edward Munson was seen alongside several other civilians who will remain nameless, heroically subduing the man in his attempt to flee a second thankfully unsuccessful attempt on miss Mayfields life. His reign of terror over this small town, finally ended by the very people he tormented.”

“I have here that Henry Creel was presumed deceased several years ago, is that correct?”

It was so scripted, everything about it, nothing felt real but… they were at least pinning it on the actual guilty party.

Creel’s human face revealed on screen in between the two video feeds, a blurry ID photo with no discernible origin used as the picture. It disappeared again shortly after, the two feeds growing larger once more to fill the split screen.

“Yes. Perhaps that is what gave him the freedom to enact this terrible crime without suspicion. He was being held in a private psychiatric facility which cares for mentally traumatised youths, pronounced deceased to protect him from association with his father, Victor Creel. He escaped spring of '86 under the name Peter Ballard, and immediately took to live up to his fathers’ terrible legacy.”

“And what can you tell us about the survivors of this catastrophe?”

“Once a population of just under 15,000, survivors have been spread across just four hospitals in Roane County. The death toll…” the reporter appeared to breathe, she looked down for a moment, clearly emotional “unfathomable. This will surely go down in history as one of the worst natural disasters The United States has ever experienced.”

“Thank you, Harriet.” The second feed was cut, the anchor taking up the entirety of the screen once more. “Government officials have stated that the names and current locations of identified survivors will be made available at this free to call automated line.” A number flashed up on the screen. It stayed there for just long enough to write it down “it will be shown over the course of the following weeks until all survivors are claimed by family or friends.”

The camera switched to another anchor, a man. “In lighter news, Washin—” Robin turned off the TV. Screw lighter news.

Steve stared at the now blank screen, mouth hanging open, “Did they just—”

“Pin the blame on the actual guy who did it while giving Eddie the credit for taking his ass down? Haha, yeah. Stinson didn’t fuck around.”

“Holy shit. That was like, an hour. Maximum.”

“Stinson, didn’t fuck around. Also your parents have been calling estate agents in Bloomington.”

“Huh?”

Eddie needed a nap.

Part 8

[alex51324]

That Tweet, take 2

OK, so my first reaction to That Tweet, by Djenks, was as follows:

My money is on DJenks realizing that he shat the bed & now furiously trying to write himself out of the corner he's in. (My second guess is that he basically already knows there won't be a Season 3, but there's some network or business-related reason for not announcing it yet.)

But now that I've had a bit more time to think about it, I am kind of seeing a scenario where he could've intended it to be a fuckery all along.

Step one is that we imagine him being a bit disappointed by how Lucius's death fooled absolutely no-one. It's likely that he was planning for the reveal that he was alive to be a much bigger moment than it actually was; maybe he even has some Big Reveal ideas that he had to put on ice once it became clear that there was very little actual suspense surrounding Lucius's fate. This is, obviously, since I don't know him personally, a big hairy guess, but it seems like a very plausible reaction for someone to have, when they put a lot of effort into planning a surprise and it falls flat because everyone guessed it.

Step two is him deciding to sell Izzy's "death" a little harder, with the emotional death scene and the funeral (where we do not actually see the body, and a mourner, Wee John, is missing) and all. It's laying it on a little thick, in my opinion, but again, we did all confidently (and correctly) assume that Lucius was alive based on the evidence that "this show wouldn't do that" and "The Stede-Ed reunion won't work if he's really dead," so you can see how a showrunner could, hypothetically, get to--

Step three, is Djenks opening up his socials at the crack of dawn on Thursday morning, expecting to see reams of speculation and analysis about how Izzy could have survived, and being genuinely shocked to instead find seas of angry and devastated fans suggesting that he should perhaps give up television in favor of a career in going and fucking himself.

Step four, realizing that he drastically overshot the mark re: creating genuine suspense over character death, he tweets out a big obvious hint.

I don't love this interpretation--for one thing, there is nothing in the episode we saw that would provide a plausible in-universe reason for faking Izzy's death. It would be pretty easy to create one--have Prince Ricky No-Nose vow personal vengeance against Izzy Hands in specific for calling him a syphilitic cunt/his role in foiling the "end of piracy" scheme--but we did not see anything like that. To make the funeral scene work as a fuckery, it would be necessary to insert a flashback between the "death" and the funeral in which A) this happens, and B) the other characters find out about it. That's a cheap trick that I personally hate--the old, "Haha, I made you feel a thing by deliberately withholding context"--but again, if it's an overcorrection for the complete and abject failure of the effort to create suspense around Lucius's fate, I guess I can live with it.

If Izzy's death is a fuckery, that addresses a lot of the other problems with the finale. First, Ed and Stede's obviously-doomed, harebrained scheme to give up piracy and be innkeepers (in a dilapidated shack, on an island where we see no other people or settlements) is plausibly funny, as long as we aren't thinking that Izzy died for it.

Second, the tonal whiplash of going from the funeral to the wedding is also fine if everyone involved knows perfect well that the guest of honor at the funeral is actually recuperating just offscreen.

(Thirdly, there's Captain Frenchie--I haven't seen much discussion of that, but the only problem I had with it is that I can't think of any moments from the season where he stood out as being a leader for the crew. I might've missed something; he's not one of my particular blorbos, but it wouldn't have taken much, just something you can look back on and see how it was setting up him becoming captain.

And, crucially, we do have those few little moments of setup for Frenchie as First Mate to Captain Izzy. Frenchie was there during the dark days, during which he presumably underwent some skill development, pirate-wise, and definitely bonded with Izzy to some extent. We see him holding Izzy's hand during his breakdown, and he presumably helped hide him and definitely lied to Blackbeard about it, and then how they were sitting in the cell on Zheng's ship--it isn't a whole lot, but you can look back and see why it makes sense for Izzy to pick him.)

Making Izzy's death a fuckery doesn't do anything to fix the way the whole Zheng thing fell flat. (Why give her a massive fleet in the first place, only to take it away? Why did we get those scenes of ships being towed across land? What was she doing selling soup on the Republic of Pirates? For that matter, why did she come to the Caribbean in the first place, after becoming Pirate Queen of the Chinese seas?) It doesn't help with how Ed and Stede keep repeating the same beats of getting closer, then running away, then reuniting without ever talking about their relationship or their issues. It doesn't address why the Kraken Era had to go that dark, if the whole thing was just going to be smoothed over in the space between episodes 4 and 5, and how Ed never really takes responsibility for any of what he did.

However, middle installments of trilogies are notoriously difficult to write, and it isn't particularly fair to judge them before you get to the last part. Most of the weak points could look better in hindsight once we know how it all turns out.

(And, not for nothing, as long as Izzy is alive, we can still get something where Ed reckons with the Kraken Era, and particularly-but-not-exclusively what he did to Izzy. I don't see how that works with a dead Izzy, though--it's too easy for Ed to keep minimizing what he did and offloading blame onto him.)

There isn't a whole lot of evidence for an Izzy Lives scenario. All we have is:

This Show Wouldn't Do That (which, recall, was point 1 in why we didn't believe Lucius was dead. However, it is weakened by the absence of point 2--unlike with Lucius, the person who "killed" Izzy isn't a character we're expected to like or root for.)

No body at the funeral. I initially interpreted the funeral as being intended as proof that Izzy was really dead, a sort of "don't get your hopes up, guys," after what happened with Lucius. But again, if we're thinking about the framing of Izzy's "death" as an overcorrection to how completely non-fooled we all were by Lucius's, maaaaaybe not? I mean, if he really wanted to hammer the nail into the coffin, we would have seen Izzy lying in the grave, or his body being sewn into a shroud of sailcloth (as was the custom), or something. (Also, point 2b, the unicorn did have two legs.)

No Wee John at the funeral. There are certainly Doylist reasons he might've been left out--maybe the way the shooting schedule worked out, it saved money or some other resource to just leave him out of that scene, something like that. But for an in-universe reason, "somebody had to stay back and nurse Izzy" makes a lot of sense. (I mean, if this show operated on real-world logic, someone would have had to stay with the ship, but that's never been a concern before.) Wee John helping Izzy with his makeup for Calypso's birthday was presumably a bonding experience that involved some vulnerability on Izzy's part, so it would be weird for him to just nope out of the funeral, but plausible that Izzy would find him acceptable as a caregiver.

Stede and Ed's conversation over Izzy's grave could, just barely, make sense as a conversation about how Ed and Izzy are now on separate paths, with no particular guarantee that they'll see each other again. It takes a certain amount of massaging to make it fit, but it almost could? (Except Zheng's part really doesn't--unless the grave actually contains someone Ed cares about, or she isn't in on the secret that the funeral is a fuckery.)

I'm not in love with any of this, or even particularly convinced by it--my enthusiasm for any Season 3 is going to be pretty dampened, unless the announcement that it's been picked up includes the information that Con O'Neill has a contract to appear as a major character in all 8/10/whatever episodes--but IDK, I guess it's maybe not outside the realm of possibility? Ish?

[arsenicflame]

🎥💔🏳️‍🌈 for ofmd

Riley, thanks!

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?

ah, so many. i think the scene that lives in my head the MOST is the Izzy "resurrection" scene. the fucking camera pan, Ed's reaction, "indestructible little fucker", everything about it is incredible. this is my #1 "epic" shot in the show by a mile

💔 tell us about one of your LEAST favorite characters and why you dislike them.

i think my least favourite character (with any depth) is Ricky? and thats not because you know, its because i feel like his potential in the narrative was completely squandered. we get next to nothing of his pre navy story (which could be really interesting!!!!) and then just. here he is, the villain. they just dont show us enough of him to make clear his potential and motives. its weird to say, but i feel like the badmintons stances were clearer. Ricky just feels... blurry to me

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

oh so many!!!!! im pretty fluid with my headcanons tbh, i like to play with what fits the particular narrative (why im a huge aro izzy fan while shipping him so hard with... everyone) but one absolute constant for me is autistic izzy. i love it for him and i love it for him in a brittle way. he seeks pain to stim, he gets incredibly angry and frustrated when his routine is messed with, hes constantly at least a little on edge because he refuses to do things thatll help him if he doesnt think he should. i think about it a lot.

media hyperfixation ask game!

[annika-thelostlove]

Unfinished Draft #1

Drabble for late valentines - Edward nashton talks to you, who he thinks is out of his league.

This is a random note i made in my notes app that has been there since February, which i didn't continue. This turned into a weird dialog drabble. I tried polishing it up, but I still kept it a rough draft in the end.

Edward catches the eye of one of the young COO who works on the top floor of their company. But after a long time trying to flirt with him obviously and even making grand gestures, Ed still doesn't get the hint. Ed just thinks you love his department and gives you all special attention. He believes you are so far from his league. I imagine him being ignorant and cute, clapping along with everyone when she COO buys a new coffee machine close to his desk, not at all realizing it's for him. But now that its valentines Day, the COO loses their patience and gives him a piece of their mind.

-----

"You're here."

His magnified eyes looks up at you through those clear glasses. "Yes."

"You have no plans tonight? It's valentines"

He continues to work his keyboard while he responds to you, "I have no patience for holidays fueled only by consumerism"

"Ah, I didn't realize that's how you feel about this holiday." Biting your lip in thought "Well it wouldn't hurt, would it? I told everyone they could take half the day off if they had plans today. The rest of your floor is empty now."

Edward looks straight at you, suspicious. "I'm sorry to be so forward, boss, but are you trying to ask me to dinner perhaps? Because I don't think it would be appropriate."

"I-"

"Or if it is a joke, it's not very funny"

"No! Mr Nashton, I have good intentions- " he has stumped you, though youve thought he was being ignorant this whole time. "Well, your first assumption is right. I admit. But we're not of the same department, so i didn't think it was going to be some issue. Do you really hate the idea?? That maybe, i am asking you to dinner?"

He looked at you skeptically. "You have no need to talk to me. I am just an accountant, and you have position of chief operations offcer, people like you should not aim so low for someone like me as a romantic partner ma'am."

"Don't say that."

"Don't wha-"

"Don't talk about me like I'm different. I can be interested in you if I want to be."

"Wait i-"

"What's so different about me? I have an Ivy League degree? I have a rich family? I'm tired of people thinking that people like me want nothing to do with you and the people on your floor. I come down here once a day just to see you. Did you know that?"

You swear you see Edwards face flush red. "But that, that doesn't make sense, I'm..me, and you're...you."

"What does that even mean? Edward, look at me! Do you think I'm pretty?" She doesn't know when, but tears have gathered in her eyes, ready to fall. This hurt her to confront more than she realized.

"Wha- well..."

"Am I pretty to you? Do you want me?"

"Of, of COURSE I do, who wouldn't?

"Eddie I want you. Is that enough for you?"

"Uh, what."

"Edward I'm really fucking mad right now, its valentines day, and i was hoping we would be together since two months ago, we are off schedule! so don't test me."

"Um, yes. Yes! It's enough. But I just dont-"

"It's enough for me. That settles it."

"What have I done for you to...I don't understand "

"It SETTLES it. You want to know what i want? Tonight we go on a date. I can answer all your questions then. We are behind on schedule, well..." Suddenly getting shy, you blush. "if you agree to date me, that is, after six months of dating, we move in together. Then I ask you to marry me. If you say yes, I plan we buy a house, I have had one in mind near here. I want children, at least two. But we can discuss that together."

Edwards face unknown to him grows dreamy while he stares at you. "...al-alright"

"But tonight, I'm still not happy with you, and I'm tired of waiting for you to get the fucking hint. So you're going to fuck me a few times to make it up to me. Alright?"

"Fuck, okay"

The scowl on your face melts into a sweet smile

"Good"

--

Note: I was imagining the COO is also a little freak, they've been stalking him, got a full background check done on him, and fell in love even more with Edward loving puzzles and him being from modest beginnings, they also love his extremist alter ego, the riddler. But he'll find out that they know eventually, it was also a fun idea if they are funding him with money for his guns and explosives. They also hate rich people and people who are gold diggers. So Edward was the dream man for them 💕

[dcamato]

“Why…why can’t you love me? I’m telling you im leaving and you aren’t even fighting for me. Why am I not worth fighting for? Did you EVER love me?!” Steve chokes out through a river of tears falling down his cheeks. They’d gone to Indy for the weekend, some holiday shopping for the Party and everyone else and a chance to cut loose and have some fun for them. Eddie had been weird all day - when they went to the diner for lunch (the waiter crossed the line leaving his number there and Steve made sure to use the napkin before leaving it behind); when they were shopping, Eddie kept moving away from Steve no matter what Steve did to stay close. By the time they’d hit the bar, it was like being alone again. Steve didn’t know what he’d done but he tried to fix it. Bought Eddie a drink, kept trying to put his arm around him, asking him to dance…when Eddie got upset and actually pushed Steve away, he was done. He watched Eddie start talking to some dude (who looked quite a bit like Steve, btw).He walked back to the hotel, tears threatening every step. He tried to call Robs (no answer) and even thought about calling Nancy (add to this pain? Maybe not) when the door opens. “I’ll be gone in a few, dude, so you can bring your date back here.” Eddie is looking down, pain and shame fighting for first on his face. “Stevie…” “no, you can’t say that to me right now, no. Pretty clear now,thinking back on the day, you want nothing more to do with me. Don’t know what I did but fine, I’ll go.” “Steve, please just…” You’re free to do and see and fuck whoever you want since you obviously don’t want me.” “HARRINGTON!” Stop! Please…just give me a minute to talk. Please, baby…” “Why…why can’t you love me? I’m telling you im leaving and you aren’t even fighting for me. Why am I not worth fighting for? Did you EVER love me?!” Eddie can barely see through his own tears but he grabs Steve as they both crumple to the ground. The next few minutes are silent, punctuated with sobs, deep breaths and mumbled words of comfort. When he can finally breathe and he knows Steve is calm enough to listen and truly hear the words, Eddie starts talking - “you are worth more to me than I could ever give and that was my problem. I made it yours these last few days, actually, and you don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve someone like me - doing nothing, going nowhere, with no future. You deserve the white knight, fighting dragons for you, going into battle for you. Coming back to you to sing your praises and offer their love. The best I can do is the last one - and I know that’s not enough. You deserve the world and all it has to offer, not some tiny corner of it that’s not much more than dirt. Since I knew I’d never be brave enough to leave you - I love you to damned much for that - I had to make you hate me enough to leave. Guess I am good at something at least. Just didn’t realize how…how soul deep the pain of you leaving would actually be. I don’t deserve you, even less now with what I’ve done but YOU don’t deserve to think it’s because your unloveable or not worthy of love. You are so insanely lovable and deserve to be loved by better than the likes of me…”. Eddie’s eyes shone, shed tears gripped tight to his lashes. He refused to hurt this beautiful man that he would love forever, not one more moment of pain would he cause him. His love for Steve simply wouldn’t allow it. Steve, for his part, was in turns confused, angry, hurt, awed and enamored. Every word spoken healed a crack in his heart; it made him understand how dumb they both were (yeah, Robs had said they needed to work on communication) and how much he needed to make Eddie understand right now - “Eds, sweetheart, you’re an idiot.” “HEY!…” “No, you are but so am I. We both want to give each other everything and we think the other one is going to leave to find it. Baby, to me, you ARE my knight,- you nearly died for a town that hated you, but you stay in the face of that and that is so, so brave; you defend my honor regularly with those shitheads when they get mouthy. You kill the spiders I can’t bring

[averagemizukikinnie]

"I'm sorry I deceived you, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you."

TW: HUGE warning for SH (it’s what the fic evolves about pretty much) , ED implication, cursing

a/n: it’s my first time in writing for a pair, i apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes in advance since english isn’t my first language!! there are also more notes at the end. this fanfic can also be interpreted as platonic

“23, 24, 25…”

. . .

The bigger the number got, the more aggressive Mizuki became, and the deeper the slashes cut. They don’t remember how their abdomen looked when it was clear, all they can see now is red and brown lines over it, some are even white.

“Ahahaha… I’m really filthy and disgusting, aren’t I? I ate more than I’m supposed to when I was at the diner with Ena, Mafuyu, and Kanade. I made a promise to tell Ena the truth of what I’ve been keeping inside long ago, yet I still avoid the topic whenever it’s brought up being the coward I am. I’m surprised they didn’t leave just like everyone did…” . While they were indulging themself in their self-deprecating self-talk, they went in deeper than intended. It wasn’t really a problem anyways, their parents were out of the city for work, their sister lives overseas, no one could stop them from getting so engrossed in their own mind.

. . .

1 hour later

*doorbell rings*

“Mom and Dad aren’t supposed to be back until next Tuesday, who could it be?”. They panicked for a split second when they remembered they were supposed to have a sleepover with Ena tonight. “Good thing I finished cleaning up just a moment ago” they mumbled to themselves right before they put up their usual grin, when had they gotten so good at switching their expression? That is a question that they’re unsure of what a right answer for it could be. They felt the burning sensation of the clothes brushing against their stomach —but thankfully for them—, they were already used to it, so hiding it was a piece of cake, they already hide so much anyways.

“Yaho!~ Woah you arrived just 3 minutes late, that’s a new record!! Did poor lil’ bro have to shake the entire room to wake you up?”

“I knew this would happen.”

Ena muttered under her breath. “Can’t you just say a normal greeting for once whenever we both meet up alone?”

“Waaaaaahhh!! You’re so mean!~”

Mizuki fake-cried as they dramatically had the back of their hand on their forehead.

“Yeah yeah whatever. Anyways, can we just actually get inside?”

They finally settled in Mizuki’s room. Ena felt so fascinated by the aesthetic of the room, it felt so… Mizuki. She could tell they poured their heart in making it to their liking. It might not be obvious from first glance for others, but for Ena it is.

As Ena’s eyes were hovering around, she noticed the torso near the mirror with an unfinished project on it that seemed like it collected some dust, she found it a little strange since she had this idea Mizuki is the type of person to get absorbed into whatever project they’re working on if it’s related to their passions. Ena recalled some of Mizuki’s rambles about clothes making on Nightcord, she secretly adored these rambles even if she knew nothing about that side of fashion herself; because she can hear Mizuki being so passionate and full of joy. If she ever admits it out loud she will never hear the end of it thanks to Mizuki’s teasing.

“Oi~ Earth to Ena— Does the princess need to sleep already?~”

“Huh?! First of all, why the hell are you calling me that?? Second of all, is zoning out for just a single moment a sign of sleep deprivation now?? Ugh this is going to be a really long night.” Mizuki couldn’t help but burst out laughing at Ena’s reaction, her reactions are one of the reasons they tease her more than other people.

. . .

Later on, they both decided they will play on Mizuki’s gaming console. It was kept up in Mizuki’s closet, they haven’t used it for some while. They bought it back in those times as a way to distract themselves even further from reality. It was so up high, Mizuki was wondering how on Earth they got it there before.

“Ah! I’m finally getting a grasp of it!” , just when they said that, they lost balance and fell on their back.

Ena immediately rushed to Mizuki to check if they’re fine, and help them get up if needed.

“Are you alright?? Did you get hurt? Do you need help getting up?”

“It’s ok I didn’t get hurt! I’m totally fi-“

Right when they started to get up, one of the console’s controllers fell on their abdomen, right where the fresh, deep, red scars are.

“Again?? Seriously what’s up with its location? Anyways are you ok? Again did you get hu-“

As Ena was saying that, she saw a dark red spot forming on Mizuki’s white shirt. Her face turned white when she realized what it was, it was blood.

“Mizuki, can you let me open the shirt to see the wound and clean it? Please? It would be terrible if it gets infected…”

“… No.”

“Why?… It would be difficult for you to get up and clean it up all by yourself.”

“The reason is not important… I can handle th— SHIT—“

“Mizuki please let me see it. It’s clearly hurting badly-“

“As I said, I can handle this.”

“You’re obviously lying. Whether you allow it or not, I have to check the wound and how bad it is.”

Mizuki grabbed Ena’s wrists with all the force they could gather, Ena struggled for a bit as she was letting herself go from their grasp, thankfully, she eventually managed to do so thanks to Mizuki’s state.

Ena finally lifted up their shirt, and what she saw was horrifying to say the least. Her face got devoid of any traces of curiosity just now just for it all to be replaced with horror, as if she saw a ghost. She saw all the variations of red, brown, and white contrasting against Mizuki’s light skin color, how there was some skin peeling around some scars, and most importantly, how fresh some of them were.

On the other hand, Mizuki wanted to escape from Ena’s gaze on their body as fast as possible, she saw what they thought was the most disgusting, filthy, and deformed part of themselves they ever showed to her. They thought she was going to abandon them for good, just like many people did. Everything Mizuki did in order to preserve their bond with Ena, it all seemed useless and futile now, just like they feared.

What snapped Mizuki out of their thoughts was Ena’s shaky breathing, they thought that this is it, that there’s now another person on the mental list of people they lost because of something about Mizuki.

“What the FUCK is wrong with you?!”

“You’re so fucking disgusting.”

“I never imagined someone this filthy exists, but here you are.”

Mizuki can already feel the words coming, they embraced themselves for it, it’s a matter of few seconds before they actually hear them… Or so they thought.

“… For how long have you been doing this?… I might not be the best at comforting, but why didn’t you tell me sooner? I- I just- I wish I realized this sooner. I’m so sorry for not being the person you needed. You were going through such a hard time without me knowing about it… I just-“

Mizuki didn’t expect this would be her reaction, they thought it will be the last time they ever talk, they thought this was going to be the end.

“I *sob* I’m so sorry… I can’t believe *sob* I didn’t know about this sooner…”

Ena grabbed both of Mizuki’s hands and gently kissed them, she then proceeded to wrap her arms around them and pull them into a tight hug. Mizuki froze in their place because of how astonished they were, they never thought of such outcome, not just did Ena not give the type of reaction they thought they were going to get, not just did she sound genuinely concerned, but she was also apologizing for not knowing better?? They never even dared to try dreaming of this yet here it is being actual reality.

Slowly, Mizuki started to wrap their arms around Ena, and they could feel tears forming in their eyes as well, they kept it inside for so long yet they couldn’t bring themselves to say a word out of fear of their past repeating itself again, they didn’t want to lose yet another person they want to stay with.

“No… please don’t say that to yourself it isn’t your fault in the slightest… Please don’t cry…”

“How the hell am I supposed to NOT cry?? Seeing you in pain hurts me and this time and this time it affected you physically and *sob* and to make matters even worse I couldn’t help you because of how oblivious I am…”

“Ena please… It’s my fault for being such a coward and not saying anything… I don’t want to see you cry because of me…”

Ena’s expression turned to a determined one, with tears still in her eyes, her nose still red, and her cheeks still puffy. She cupped Mizuki’s cheeks with both her hands and wiped the tears with her thumbs and said

“Mizuki, don’t say this about yourself. You are not a coward for not telling me about your struggles, l know it can be hard to open up to someone, no matter who that someone is. But whenever you feel like you’re struggling again and are close to doing this to yourself, come to me instead okay? You don’t have to force yourself to tell me you’re so close to doing it, just come to me and start the conversation like you normally do. Please.”

This was Mizuki’s last straw. Before they knew it they started sobbing uncontrollably with Ena having a firm, right grip on them. They were feeling so many emotions, they were keeping it inside for so long, they were so scared of Ena leaving them because of this secret of theirs they deemed “ugly and filthy” , they were in so much pain, they had so much on their mind, and most importantly, they were happy the what-it’s in their mind didn’t come true.

They were happy Ena didn’t reject this part of them. They want to stay with her as long as they can, even if their time together isn’t meant to last much longer, they hope it is.

Note: i am not implying that sh scars are something scary in ena’s reaction, the reason i wrote her reaction that way is because i wanted to interpret that she’s horrified because it’s happening to Mizuki. I hope you understand i meant no harm in the way i wrote her reaction, i struggle with sh myself.

[moocowmoocow]

Femslash February 15 - Rift

Margo x Sally Ride

Margo left the meeting ironing out some of the last minute details on the US end of Apollo-Soyuz, when she heard someone calling after her.

Margo turned. “Dr. Ride, what can I do for you?”

Sally came up to Margo and leaned in. “I know you think this is wrong - arming Pathfinder. You have to stop it.”

Margo grabbed Sally by her arm and pulled her into an empty conference room. “I have spent the past year making sure Pathfinder wouldn’t be armed. But the DOD has overridden me. I’m sorry, Sally. If I had my way - “

Sally paced back and forth. “I didn’t come to NASA to kill people.”

Margo closed her eyes and saw a Senate committee hearing with pictures of Wernher’s victims. She was in danger of losing control of events that would lead to an even greater amount of dead. “I know. I didn’t either.”

“The Soviets - they’re human beings, too.”

Margo nodded. She knew. She had done as much as she could to save Soviet lives. “I know. I - “ She paused. “Do you remember the Apollo 10 hearings?”

Sally paused and thought. “Yes. Are you saying we should ignore Houston?”

“I’m saying that you should react in a way appropriate for the situation you are in. You - may - know more than we do here in Houston.”

Sally nodded. “I’ll take that under advisement.”

*

When Margo got back to Houston after Tracy and Gordo’s funerals, she was drained and exhausted, but had come to some pretty important conclusions about the direction she wanted to take NASA. Emma was reading her the most important messages that had come in over the last few days. “Dr. Sally Ride called and asked for a meeting.”

“If it works for her, clear some time out of my schedule.”

It worked out that Sally came in the early evening, long after most everyone else had gone home for the day. Margo poured her a snifter of her best brandy. “We survived.”

“Barely,” Sally replied. She took a swallow. “Miss Madison, I don’t know if I can do this anymore - to serve on ships that suddenly become warships.”

“A new administration will be coming in and after coming so close to the brink of nuclear war, I think NASA is going to be restructured. There’s a rift now between NASA and the DOD. The next administrator will have NASA under complete civilian control and it won’t be dependent upon the DOD for funding because NASA will keep the revenue it makes from its research and design.”

“You seem to have a lot of faith in this next director.”

Margo shrugged and changed the subject. “Is it true? That you pulled a gun on Ed Baldwin?”

Sally nodded. “It bought him time to do the right thing.”

The two of them talked awhile longer - Margo got the true story of what happened on Pathfinder, the one she wasn’t even sure the DOD had and if they had, they wouldn't tell her it was over her clearance level. They talked about the next steps Sally wanted to take in her career. Suddenly, Sally reached out and placed her palm on Margo’s cheek. “You’re going to be the next administrator, aren’t you?”

Nothing was certain but Margo was going to make damn sure she was. She said nothing. Sally leaned in and kissed her. “I knew you were on my side.”

And maybe it was the fact someone else thought she could run this place or someone else who agreed with her about putting weapons on spaceships or her exhaustion or the brandy or a multitude of other reasons, Margo pulled Sally in for a longer, deeper kiss.

[dyslexicandakeyboard]

Very unpopular opinions about Gone Girl (the film because it's very different from the book).

Nick didn't feel remorse for cheating on Amy. The shit he said in the interview was a ploy to get her out of hiding to clear his name. He was manipulating her. Nothing he said in that interview was truthful (like I'm pretty sure he later admits)

Amy was a ticking time bomb. There were already hints that Amy was dropping her Cool Girl persona since they moved to Missouri. Even if Nick didn't cheat, sooner or later, she would have gone-girl-ed his ass.

Nick also had the equivalent of a Cool Girl persona. The recession led him to drop it.

Amy telling Nick she got her parents out of debt with her trust fund mirrors when Nick moved them to Missouri. With out consulting the other party and not letting them voice their opinion. It showed that they both contributed to the unhealthiness of the relationship.

Amy was always in control of the relationship, especially when things were going to shit. She owned his job, probably the house and controlled all the finances. Pretty sure Nick's whole upset with the prenup thing is that Amy does control the finances.

Desi Collings is just like Amy just in a different font.

Nick was not as bad as Amy IN THE MOVIE. I know, crucify me. He's a cheat, lazy, has no ambitions, slightly misogynistic, sleeps with his student who is half his age. But, none of these are crimes (Andie was over the age of consent but's it's immoral. He's a pig). Amy commits crimes and wastes police resources. She kills a man not in self-defence, fakes a rape accusation, (tries to) frames Nick for kidnapping and murdering her, stole his sperm and impregnated herself. Plus, she's also slightly misogynistic and classist. Movie!Nick and Movie!Amy are not comparable. Yes, they are both awful people but Amy defiantly is the worst. Book Nick seems to be just as bad. Again book doesn't equal movie.

Amy was always a psychopath saying Nick drove her to psychopathy or any other version of this is quite dumb ngl and ignores Tommy O'Hara. Hell, her actions with Tommy makes me even more sure even if Nick didn't cheat she still would have punished him.

I truly believe Nick did want to leave her. It is said by Amy herself that she knew he wanted a divorce. Nick was shown to want to leave during the end of the movie. Literally, the only reason he stayed was because of the child, the whole outrage that would follow (Interestingly, this could be seen as Nick's own preoccupation of controlling his image).

Amy is the more unreliable narrator compared to Nick mainly due to Nick having a voice of reason, Margo, while Amy doesn't. (Unless I'm under his spell. But I don't think so because I hate Ben in the DCEU and that colors my perception across franchises. Came into this movie full expected to hate Nick as much as Amy or more so but left surprised.)

While I understand uprooting one's life and moving across the country with out the other partners input is quite upsetting and can make you feel like shit. A person was dying. Amy's feelings are valid but like. Cancer? Taking care of dying mother? Amy expected Nick to be OK with a huge financial decision to help her parents, make some allowance. Rubbed me the wrong way. I'm a family gal.

Amy may have loved Nick at one point, kinda like Nick loved Amy at one point, but she ultimately sees relationships and love as a form of winning. This seems to stem from her childhood as she was always one step behind Amazing Amy. All her mistakes were washed away clean in Amazing Amy and sold to the masses. Everyone could see just would Amy couldn't do. Because of this, Amy doesn't see herself as a person as much as a character in a story, expect this time she controls it. She's going to have a picture perfect marriage and thus life. Thus she wins at life. This is also very half-baked and formed by one watch of the movie.

Amy wasn't abused by Nick. Amy fictionalized most of their life in Missouri(She's an unreliable narrator). Like it was revealed that Nick hated Amy and that he wanted kids while Amy didn't. The whole "Let's have kids" fight seems very improbably with this information. Unless I'm under Nick's influence. Plus, Amy doesn't seem that afraid of Nick even when he is violent with her.

The Cool Girl monologue while hits some true points to the idea that society values woman to change themselves to be picked by a man. But it also implies a heteronormative society, implies that woman absolutely cannot like shit like football on their own as they are only doing it for men, acts as if liking things are unnatural for woman, makes sexist judgment of random woman she literally passes who are hopefully living their best life, and is sex negative.

preemptive warning because fandoms can be really toxic for some reason. Don't interact if you don't like.

[hedgionary]

So I had one person tell me to write it, even for my own enjoyment. Why not write it here? I took a dive into the Narnia hole, all while being unable to leave the hole known as Fullmetal Alchemist. My head decided to combine them creating an AU. Instead of in WW1 Germany, Edward and Hohenheim end up in pre-WW2 London. Lots happens, Ed ends up getting sent to the house of one professor Diggory Kirke, someone who'd previously talked to Hohenheim about the theories of parallel universes. Not two months go by, Diggory sits Edward down and tells him there's going to be a bunch of children living with them. Edward is Not Happy, but what can he do? He's now tasked with Making Friends and Being Nice. Apparently, Kirke doesn't realise how much of a difference the four years between Edward and Peter make, let alone the seven between Ed and Lucy. All of this not taking into account how Ed was shaped by his experiences.

Still, he can't help but find Lucy's story of the wardrobe endearing after she returns the first time. A bit sad, but adorable. When there was a storm one evening, he sat down with her and told her a story from his home. Susan rolled her eyes in the other bed, but to Lucy, the story of alchemists who could make thinsg seemingly out of nothing, spark flames and so much more! He didn't mention the darker side of alchemy. He was a telling a bedtime story, not discussing possibilities with proffessor Kirke. It was still raining the next morning, and Edward got roped into playing with the Pevensies. He's with them when they land in Narnia, yet he can't believe it. He's torn between the "Not again" energy and the "what if i'm somehow closer to home" energy.

People thinking Edward is a star, or at least the son of one, due to him not being referred to as a Son of Adam or even Daughter of Eve. He's the blood of Adam, but not his son. Edward rediscovering his alchemy after he is attacked by wolves and instinctively claps his hands.

He gets a dwarven equivalent of automail. The job was already halfway done, but the dwarves excell at working thier forge nonetheless.

Edward never returning to England with the Pevensies, not ageing, receding into legend and then resurfacing during the events of Prince Caspian. Same age as when the siblings first saw him. Just more… Tired. He just wants to talk to Aslan.

And talk he deos. What he hears does not, however, help him, for he learns that even through the Country of Aslan he will not go home. (There's no Gate through Aslan's land to Amestris)

(That's the part I feel like burning myself at stake for, because why shouldn't God be able to do something, catholic guilt am i right?)

Aslan tells Edward to live on. To find peace and a home in Narnia. Edward cannot. He has tried. He misses his family too much, Narnia is too similar yet too different from Amestris. It hurts even more than England did, somehow.

He receeds quietly to the court of King Caspian. When the young king decides to go searching for the barons aboard the Dwan Treader, Edward fights tooth and nail against coming along. But his knowledge on all things Narnian (and not only) proves too be too valuable.

One day, he finds his way home. Rumours circulate that he truly was a Star, or at least close enough for Ramandu to be able to help him home in a way known only to the Stars. Others say he found peace on one of the islands they passed. Yet others say he died. Only a select few know the truth, and those are the ones who promised Edward they wouldn't tell.

Edward is home. But to everyone else, he's a different person. For everyone else, it's been four years. For Edward? A thousand. And Edward has learned so much.

He's got Mustang's Edmund's cold calculations in politics, handling anything in a delicate, yet clear manner. He does not lie. He's as straightforward as he ever was, but he's able to dress it in pretty words now. He's got more of an edge to him.

He's learnt authority from Peter. He's dangerous when he has a sword, no longer relying only on a knife, a polearm or transmuted arm. His movements are clear, elegant even. Not brash and jagged like the Fullmetal Alchemist's had always been. Fullmetal used his weapons as weapons - brutal, yet effective. Edward has a captivating elegance to his movements, leading a spar like a dance.

He's learnt to use a bow of all things. His automail is unlike anything anyone had ever seen. Edward knows it's Dwarven work and wears it proudly. He even uses his charm sometimes, but he's not a fan of it. Susuan insisted he learn though, and who was he to disobey a High Queen? Yes, it's still the Fullmetal Alchemist. But it's not the one the people of Amestris know anymore. He does not tell them any of the tales of Cair Paravel, or the diplomatic diplomatic journeys to Calormen that later come in handy when they talk to the people of Xing. (He's also fairly proficient with the weapons of the country. And doesn't that raise a few eyebrows?) Even Lucy's kindness rubbed off on him. He treats everyone he meets as a person who deserves kindness until blatantly proven otherwise. The fact Dante was gone when he retuned helped.

The first time someone calls him a dwarf, he smiles as if that were a compliment. He does not look for fights, but that does not mean he won't finish them. That temper of his never quite left. When he finally sees Al again, he's struck by the age difference. But then he smiles and takes his brother as he is. It is, after all, not the first time he's ever encountered someone he knew for years returned to a younger age. This does not mean it's not hard for him; it's just a little easier than it would've been otherwise. He knows neither of them are going to leave now, they've got each other's backs forever. He grows barely a centimetre and is ecstatic. This means he's truly home, ageing alongside his friends again. He wants to see the ocean, to show Al the ocean. This bewilders everyone, because he'd never cared for it. He's taken to drawing (he'd had no artistic skills before). For a while, he's convinced the world is flat like a table.