#when in purgatory

[spatziline]

Sorry Cellbit, you and team BOLAS?!?!?!? already adopted Philza as your Dadza

[zephyrchama]

Belphegor followed you down the hall as you dragged your suitcase. It wasn’t very big, but it was still heavy and annoying to lug over the thick decorative carpets. Every time one came to an end, the luggage thudded loudly back onto the hardwood floor.

“You sure you have everything? You packed the pillow I gave you?” Belphegor sluggishly matched his pace to yours. Having long legs must be nice.

“Of course, I triple checked.” ”Good. That’s my fifth favorite pillow, so you have to come back and return it, ok?”

You nodded as the suitcase went over another bump. This was your third time going over this exact conversation.

It wasn’t just the youngest, all of the brothers were antsy about your little trip. It was written all over their faces as you arrived at the foyer where they were waiting. Satan and Asmodeus solemnly stood up from the steps they were sitting on. Mammon and Leviathan had a hard time looking at you, their eyes darted all over the walls and ceiling. Beelzebub offered to move your suitcase by the door.

Just one weekend away. That was it. Solomon volunteered to take you back to the human world for a bit. You couldn't let a rare trip home pass by, as who knew when the next opportunity would arise. You could eat some normal food for once and stock up on your favorite human things. Though, your housemates reacted like you were leaving for a year.

“Did you pack everything?” Lucifer asked.

“Of course, I triple checked.” Deja-vu.

“Even the lotion I gave you?” Asmodeus looked so worried. He loosely took hold of your forearm with a tear in his eye. “Don’t forget, the sun is awful this time of year. I’ll never forgive you if you come back looking like a lobster.”

“Asmo, I won’t.” You grinned at his silly concern and leaned in for a hug. Asmodeus did not disappoint.

Everyone else took a step forward, hoping for a hug of their own, as Asmodeus breathed into your ear, “I’ll be waiting.”

“You have my number. If anything goes wrong, call me.” Lucifer sounded so reliable as he placed a hand on your shoulder.

There were half a dozen chimes of “mine, too!” and “same here!”

You’d been away for longer trips. How in the world did these guys survive for so many millennia before you met them? You turned to look at Lucifer, wanting to counter that Devildom phones didn’t even work in the human world, but he probably knew that already.

"Don't talk to strangers," he reminded, "and don't go out alone at night. Some humans are worse than demons." He wrapped his arms around you and wished “safe travels.”

Mammon stepped up next. He forced himself to stare at you, haughtily playing off the sadness he was really feeling. His bottom lip jutted out a little more than usual. “Well! You’ll bring me back a good souvenir, right?”

“Oh? I don’t know, I might not have time…” It was playful banter, yet your words shocked him. Mammon’s eyes widened. He began stammering and gripped your fingers. You quickly performed damage control, “Joking! I’m joking, Mammon. Of course I’ll get you a souvenir.”

The younger siblings piped up, “us too!”

“I’m getting everyone souvenirs, don’t worry!” You already had a few gift ideas in mind.

Mammon put his forehead on your shoulder and a hand on your back that he rubbed. “But mine’ll be the best. I trust ya.”

“Don’t let Solomon give you any food he cooks,” Beelzebub warned. “Actually, don’t let Solomon give you any food. Ever.” He tried to give you a lumpy-looking cloth bag, no doubt filled with homemade treats to take with you. It smelled scrumptious. Only issue was, the bag was half your size.

“Beel, there’s food in the human world. I can’t take all this, why don’t you enjoy it with your brothers?”

Beelzebub frowned, setting aside his present. It tilted under the weight of its own contents. You felt a slight pang of guilt, but how could you carry it all? That much food could last you a week.

He picked you up for his hug, your toes dangling several inches off the floor until he gently set you back down. Belphegor caught you as you regained your footing.

His hug was simple and cozy. He tucked a strand of your hair behind an ear. “Don’t forget about my pillow.”

You suspected that if you ever actually tried to run away, these seven would go to the ends of the three realms to find you.

Satan nudged your luggage, observing the way it slided forward an inch. It was heavy to you, but clearly not them. “That’s really all you’re bringing? Do you have enough clothes?”

“Yes! You helped me pack!” The repetition was really starting to grate on you. Things were never this crazy when one of them had to leave the house for a few days. They wouldn't even care unless somebody went mysteriously unseen for over a week. “You all know I’ve got everything under control. I’ll be back in two days.”

“Hey, how come Satan got to help you pack?” Mammon complained.

“We did too,” Belphegor said, his twin in agreement.

“It was a group effort,” according to Asmodeus.

Mammon crossed his arms. "No way! You let these guys see your underwear?"

Satan ignored them. “Do you want another book for the road?”

“I’ll be fine.” You gave Satan his hug. After letting go, his fingers hovered by your side. “We’re teleporting there anyway. I don’t think there’ll be time to read anything.”

One suspiciously quiet demon in the back stared at the floor. “Two days,” he sighed. Leviathan did a poor job of hiding how upset he was.

“Levi, aren’t you going to say goodbye?”

“Yes!?” His head jerked up, met your gaze, and looked down again.

“I can’t leave until I get a full set of hugs from everyone,” you admitted. “I’m missing a very valuable part of the collection.”

Asmodeus and Mammon readily offered themselves for a second go. Leviathan’s cheeks flushed with envy and he grabbed you a little roughly, squishing his face into your shoulder. “You’ll take lots of pictures? A-and you won’t forget about us?”

You scoffed, “how could I forget about you? We’re bound together by a pact, aren’t we?” As for photos… you didn't know what would be interesting, but it couldn't hurt to take a bunch anyway.

Lucifer cleared his throat, signaling to Leviathan it was time to let go. "I miss you already," he muttered.

The seven of them followed you out of the house and down to the House of Lamentation’s front gate. It was like having a school of fish circling you. You could call it a miracle they weren't following you onto the main road, but if they went that far you knew they'd unreasonably demand Solomon take them along too.

“It’s just one weekend!” you reiterated. “Take care, you guys.”

They peered at you through the fence bars, waving when you glanced over. It was a sad sight, and possible attempt to make you come rushing back. If it was this bad already, you didn't want to think about how they'd act if you were going away for one week.

[dawnatlas]

did you go and make promises you can't keep?

[cfeather]

light upon the sea

[strawlessandbraless]

Dean thesis statement

[paunchsalazar]

they were sleeping together at this point

[demonictacobeard]

Lilith, surprised when Adam’s contact picture shows up on her phone: Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re supposed to be dead aren’t you? I felt the deal break months ago

Adam, who got sick of his and Lucifer’s UST last night and made a move: I mostly lived bitch, I just had to ask YOU PICKED THE BORING ASS BEACHES OF PURGATORY OVER SEX WITH THAT MAN FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

[justjensenanddean]

Jensen Ackles | Purgatory Con, Düsseldorf, Germany, May 26, 2024 [x]

[blakbonnet]

good to know he dreams himself pretty even in purgatory, you go babygirl <3 join the campaign @renewasacrew

[chandralia]

Dr: sir you can’t go in there, we said not to put too much strain on your heart

Bakugo: I’m literally fine??? *opens the door*

Deku: Kacchan 🥰

Bakugo:

Bakugo:

Bakugo: put my surgery bills under his name immediately

[kayit-z]

Everything that you will be doing from this point on is for the safety of the eggs

Disregard your friendships

There is no room for sympathy in this land

[royalarchivist]

Pac: Why is she sad? My god, she's devastated! Guaxinim?

Guaxinim: I think she wanted...

Gris: I want 100 reais.

Pac: She wants 100– [Laughs] She's sad because she wants 100 reais?

Guaxinim: [Innocently] You don't have 100 reais, do you?

Pac: [Laughs] I have negative 100 reais, Guaxinim. Gris, I'm just like you! I'm sad too.

Guaxinim: [Whispering to Gris] Cancel the plan, cancel the plan, go back to normal.

Pac: What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait– [Laughs] No no no–

First rule of passa tudo: make sure your target has money before trying to scam them! 😅 (Thank you to sebbs12 and disfrutalakia for double-checking my translations and transcript! The help is really appreciated!)

[Full Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]

—

Pac: [Gasps in delight] Oi, Guaxinim!

Guaxinim: Oi!

Pac: How cool it is to see you here! Oi Gris!

Guaxinim: Look, how cute.

Pac: How cute you and Gris are here!

Gris: oi :( I'm so sad.

Pac: Why is she sad?

Guaxinim: I don't know, man.

Pac: My god, she's devastated! Guaxinim?

Guaxinim: I think she wanted...

Gris: I want 100 reais.

Pac: She wants 100– [Laughs] She's sad because she wants 100 reais?

Guaxinim: [Innocently] You don't have 100 reais, do you?

Pac: [Laughs] I have negative 100 reais, Guaxinim. Gris, I'm just like you! I'm sad too.

Guaxinim: [Whispering to Gris] Cancel the plan, cancel the plan, go back to normal.

Pac: What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait– [Laughs] No no no–

Guaxinim: [Laughing]

Gris: kkkkkk

Pac: I can't believe what you're doing with poor Gris to get money!

Gris: bom dia tio Pac [Good morning Tio Pac]

Pac: Bom dia, bom dia. [Laughs] Seriously, how is a crazy plan like this going to work, huh? Insanity!

Guaxinim: [Dancing with Gris] Muahaha! Muahahaha! We're the most badass evil duo, got it?

Pac: How incredible, man. You guys are great, you're even in sync! Did you guys already get 100 reais?

[edscuntyeyeshadow]

the one thing I absolutely need in s3 is ed and stede just fucking around again. acting stupid together. hanging out. want them to do more of that “blackbeard’s bar and grill” roleplay shit, fueled by rhys and taika’s unstoppable chemistry. but it’s gonna be different than in s1 because now 50% of the time those roleplays will turn into a sex thing

[tomfrogisblue]

thinking about tubbo yelling "THEY SHOULDNT HAVE WON!" about bolas today during the qsmp awards and, ya know, a major reason they won was simply mind games against everyone else:

cellbit and foolishs massive fuck off lava sandcastle for the egg war that the other teams got frustrated and downright gave up on by the end

the entire team running with the idea of gradually fucking up their skins, yelling nonsense and never taking off the gas masks

tubbo talking about how he had genuine nightmares about the murder husbands despite the fact they are his actual irl good friends

cellbit breaking out fucking "queridinho" at pac during the flag event (cellbit pls get less good at acting, this shit was actually terrifying)

the whole teams' demeanor during the entire event of: "why would we do that? WELL, WE'RE FUCKING C R A Z Y THAT'S WHY!"

- also that they had the combo of fucking good coordinaters and builders and fighters but also were so destroyed by the event that some of them had physical reactions to the stress *IRL* - making them Impossible To Predict

ending in tubbo losing the 1v1 with phil (and therefore the event) because he was simply too psyched out

Bolas Rojas was pure psychological warfare.

[strawlessandbraless]

Get his ass

[cosmicjunkyard]

Purgatory eye's least favourite guy