#when i'm struggling to sleep
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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Sketch dump of month old sketches I forgot to post
#fanart#my art#sketch#isat siffrin#isat loop#isat isabeau#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#in stars and time#isafrin#sifloop#I think those were kind of supposed to be here#isat au#two hats spoilers#human loop#Seafoam#The Start and the Epilogue#I'm in a sort of stasis rn#At least when it comes to isat#Worked on learning new stuff so hard it pulled me out of fandoms and gave me a headache#Also I have run into a problem of me hating writing#Specifically writing dialogues I like setting the atmosphere more and dialogues feel flat in my head#And writing a visual novel would require like 80% of dialogue#And making an rpg mode or something would require making an entirely new set of sprites different from the OG sprites and I'm struggling#At least for now#But hey I'm learning music I'm getting better#Isn't that great#I want to lie down and cry#Anyway I'm going back to sleep
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Dear mod. I just wanted to ask how you're doing atm? Are you eating good food and sleeping well?
Oh bless you, anon! Regrettably, neither of those things, no. My appetite has been very poor since my surgery, and I'm more than a little sleep deprived with all the jobs I'm juggling at the moment - buuut... I'm alive. My head is good. My work is good. Always manage to make everyone happy, oh, yes sir, but can't wait to pass out for a whole day and then hang out with some friends. It'll heal me.
#mod speaks#i'm doing some of my best work!#kind of unstoppable at the moment! but. very. very exhausted.#very popular at my new workplace and very popular with the clients at the moment.#but it means when i have spare time it's Solely for A) sleeping and B) spending time with the people i love#oh and C) spending time with the people i love's pets.#very important.#i do miss drawing for myself but it'll happen when i have a quiet patch#but honestly right now i'm enjoying my success. successful career. successful social life...#spiderpool is like.. the third circle in the venn diagram.#i don't think i can have all three. i can only have two at a time.#i'm trying to squeeze in “self care” somewhere in there too. which involves exercising and getting enough sleep.#that one i'm really struggling with at the moment.#i think that one has to take priority over spiderpool too. sighs.
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"You know," Eddie said, dropping his bag on the floor by the entryway, "When you said you wanted my help with getting things packed up for moving, I really wasn't expecting a repeat of when I came over to help Maddie move as a probie."
Buck looked up from his laptop, confused, before glancing around at his mostly unpacked loft in realisation.
"I promise I'm not springing a surprise Carla on you this time," he replied, and Eddie laughed as he walked across to Buck before greeting him with a kiss.
"I'd be surprised if you'd managed that given she's spending the day with Chris," he said, before knocking Buck's shoulder affectionately. "But seriously, man, have you even gotten started?"
"I've packed a couple of boxes!" He argued, gesturing around. "I just… got distracted."
"What are you researching this time?" Eddie asked, glancing at Buck's screen before pausing when he registered what was on it.
"Uh, yeah," Buck said, flushing slightly. "Not research for once."
Up on his screen was a photo of him and Chris, wearing matching beaming smiles and stripes of sunscreen.
"I don't think I've seen this photo before," Eddie said, sitting himself next to Buck on the couch, knees knocking.
"I refound that phone that went missing a few years back. When I lost like three months of photos because I hadn't been keeping up to date on backups and wasn't paying for cloud storage yet."
"And this was on there?"
Buck nodded, resting his head on Eddie's shoulder before flicking across to the next photo.
"It's from one of the days where we went back to the pier," he explained, flicking faster now. "I just… It still surprises me, sometimes, how much he's changed over the years. How grown up he seems now."
"He's still got a lot of growing left to do," Eddie pointed out, reaching across and stilling Buck's hand on a photo of the three of them laughing at a Grant-Nash family barbecue. "And he'll always be our kid, even when he's an adult."
"He's been ours a lot longer than I realised at the time," Buck admitted, lacing their fingers together and squeezing. "That's part of what I've been looking at. How much of a family we've been through the years."
He turned to face Eddie more, bringing Eddie's hand to his lips and kissing it gently.
"I can't wait to make it official."
#embers daily writing#again not proofread my sleep schedule is fucked atm ✨#idk how this ended up being 400 words when some nights I struggle with 100 when I'm Awake#911: snippets#911#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie#buddie ficlet
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thought abt how toji is such a light sleeper and i.. sleep though just about all of my alarms aka........... he is my alarm clock now. he wakes up after the first one and then wakes me up himself:((((((((( and he's soooo extra sweet in the early mornings ouughhh my poor poor heart he really is like a cat he just noses at my cheek and presses gentle gentle kisses all over my face until i wake up. knows i take a long time so he does let me take my time but he just stays in bed with me to make sure i won't actually fall back asleep.
and . he doesn't go back to sleep after that either. he will keep me company no matter whether he has work/errands to do. we wash up and drink our coffee and then he drives me to work too:(((((((((((((((((
#I'M GONNA WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP#i do think he's a morning person#though overall he is a little grumpy.. the fact that i struggle to wake up will kind of make him a bit less grumpy lmao#he's so quiet and soft and he's just soooooooooooooobghjfkfdjgh#AND I FEEL SO BADDD#OH MY GODDD I FEEL SO BADDDD#LIKE WHEN MY SHIFT STARTS AT SEVEN AND I NEED TO WAKE UP AROUND FOUR AND THEN HE . WILL ALSO WAKE UP AT FOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR#NYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#MY HUSBANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#YOU DESERVE TO SLEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP YOU SHOULD BE SNORINGGGGGGGGGGG HUHEUHEUHEUHEUEHE#... perhaps he'll make me feel better by saying that he can't...... sleep without me anyway................................................#miji
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Drew Leoneed from @a-crowcats-nonsense Furry!au
I do plan on drawing everyone, but L/n comes first, so erm, the band sillies.
#never ever going to draw instruments again holy moly#also never drawing till 1 am again I'm eepy man agh#A art related thingy I struggled with Honami and live in shame for not managing to draw her like I aughta#also Saki has a cane because i am a firm believer of giving her the mobility aid she deserves#the rest was fun but man sleep....please#project sekai#prsk#pjsekai#leoneed#l/n#ichika hoshino#hoshino Ichika#saki tenma#tenma saki#honami mochizuki#mochizuki honami#shiho hinomori#hinomori shiho#goood tagging is such a hazzle#next will prolly be mmj cuz... minori :3#also wof stuff is still on the work have three vbs illustrations one already done and some vocaloid designs#maybe I'll finish them next month#furry!au#furry art#furry#when will the tagging end???
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barely in time for dunmeshi thursday - the shopify is finally live!!
there are posters (not pictured) and mugs and totes, and shirts from toddler sizes all the way up to 5x!! there are also other shirt colors than white, i just don't like them as much so i didn't bother screencapping; see for yourself in the listings
some of the designs are single-sided prints and others are double-sided to spread the art out more
there's also a bonus design inspired by episode 21 which you can preview under the cut >:3
there is only one color for this shirt. that's all you need for it.
THEY LET HIM MILK THE MINOTAUR!!!
#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#draws#my margins are insanely low so these are all abt as cheap as i can make them#i especially ate the costs on the 2-5XL sizes bc i think it's bs that they're always so much more expensive...my margin on one is 4 cents#i'll be adding more of my original art and maybe other fanart stuff at some point but for now....i need to sleep lol#set up shopify and product listings for like 18 hours consecutively and it was a STRUGGLE....hopefully worth it....#feel free to message me if there's a Problem or smth and i'll troubleshoot when i wake up#beyond that: enjoy your dunmeshi thursday!!#also i'm officially dedicating the bonus design to wereralph. i just think he would like it for some reason lmfao
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man i'm so creatively Flat i haven't drawn anything new in like 3 weeks. i got nothin
if there's anything anyone would be interested in seeing (or hearing about) feel free to throw me a suggestion or two, or a wip i abandoned that you'd wanna see finished, anything goes, & i'll see what i can do 🫡
#i fell in a real bad depression hole like 2 weeks ago and man have i been struggling to get out#but it's made creating &#socialising of any kind feel really difficult when they were difficult already#and the fact that it's really hot out & i'm stuck alone in a strangers house while i'm dogsitting#all this & next month is not helping#so this can be my first step#i always feel weird & not myself when i'm not drawing#i have a couple asks i've been meaning to get to#but i'm just kinda stumped ;;#sorry tag ramble#anyhoo i'd bettwr get some sleep#fredspeaks
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But I'm finally here, and I'm not leaving this time

06/09/2025
#this week has been gnarly and it's been filled with so many twist and turns I'm ngl I'm struggling to grasp all the things happening at once#i made this on the evening of the 09th when i had been playing this song on repeat#that day was me reclaiming my freedom which was something i was deprived of for a little over 5 years#it was a very rough 5 years#our go-to manong tricycle driver even noticed the shift in me and said#“you look like a bird who got out of her cage for the first time! you're so smiley!”#and that whole day i was such an emotional mess (positive) but yeah. important to me 🥹#I'm finally here 💛#sleep token#infinite baths#bracelets#(btw another reason why i love the EIA album is because i have an excuse to make all the bracelets different shades of pinks and reds etc.)#Spotify
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wish i had it in me to be a lot meaner about people having pets they shouldn't... but unfortunately there are too many people out there that will defend unethical pets until their dying breath, and they tend to get pretty vitriolic about it. it never leads to logical debate, just ends in personal attacks and venom because you're 'ruining their life' by telling them maybe they shouldn't have a pet tiger.
...but maybe that's part of the point, trying to swamp anyone that dares defend an animal until they're forced to back down. i shouldn't let that fear stop me from trying to protect animals in any way i can. even if it's simply through making more people aware of how awful these pets are.
#saw a gif of someone's 'pet' crow earlier and it made us a widdle cwanky#so over the excuses and bullshit people bring up when defending exotic pets just shut up#don't even get us started on foxes as pets. tried calling that one out once and it devolved into us getting called a fur farm shill#used to have a friend who defended a guy with pet tigers sleeping in his bed 'because he's a rehab facility!!'#not an ethical one!!!! goddamn#it's an issue that even extends to the other volunteers at our zoo somehow?#like no guys you can't have a pet wallaby!!!! you better not be saying that to guests either :[#it's such a big struggle in nonhuman circles as well. i'm sorry if it's a 'cute video' of your species. it is not cute in someone's house.#× blurry
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guys please pray for me
#I don't know how to explain what's going on but I'm struggling and don't know how to get a handle on it#I think that there's two issues going on that are probably somewhat intertwined because I'm fixating on them as such#so maybe I need to separate out the one that is stupid and I shouldn't be fixating on it#and then just focus on the other thing as it is and not as a symptom of whatever else#idk but it's so weird and complicated that I just can't figure out how to explain it#and I've gone to my mom over stuff related to this enough lately so I won't again#idk I'm just. maybe I'm having a hard time because I'm so tired. I've been getting up early every day this week#and yet still can't fall asleep earlier so I'm not getting enough sleep I don't think.#I haven't had a break since friday#maybe that's part of it#bc I was fine for a while and then this week I'm fixating on what ifs and my own failures (that are somewhat out of my control#because I... don't know how to capture my thoughts while I'm literally mostly asleep? probably habit when I'm awake lol)#so i think there's a level of spiritual attack making me fixate and also just#tiredness#yeah.#anyway.#prayer request
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This art is doing things to me
#Are they... You know......... 👉👈#atsushi nakajima#osamu dazai#dazatsu#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd s1#mine#Yesterday I spent one hour cleaning this but I'm really nowhere near to done#The canvas is just too large (834px of width) and the image way too grainy.#I can't redraw stuff if it's this grainy and even cloning wasn't getting me anywhere#Not even noise correction works...#After sleeping over it‚ I resolved that it's probably for the best to reduce the image size.#Hopefully then the lineart will be compact enough for me to draw over it#It's just. WHO HAD THE INSANE IDEA of putting illustrations under text.#Not only it's a huge shame it covers the art‚ but also... When reading the novel‚ I was seriously struggling to read the text–#that overlapped with black areas#That's such an incredibly poor editing choice I have no idea how it could get through publishing.#Publishing houses are truly insane the only way something like this could have happened is by overworking and understaffing. It's crazy#THERE'S NOT EVEN A WHITE OUTLINE. C'mon peoples.#Alright sorry rant over. Dazatsu is SO real tho ♡♡♡
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I need everyone to look at this commission I got from SweetMikan3 over on VGen. I'm never gonna emotionally recover from how good this is. I normally wouldn't repost comms, but the artist doesn't have a tumblr or traditionally post their own comm'd work, so I wanted to give it some eyes here 💚💚💚 Oh my god PLEASE go commission them with the link provided, they're amazing to work with and their prices are criminally low. Give them a big fat tip (called a Boost on VGen) when they're done or I'm gonna blow you up with my mind 😤😤😤
artwork by @/SweetMikan3 on Twitter, reposted with permission
#psychrothoughts#commissioned art#not my art#pokemon#pokemon sv#arven#arven pokemon#pokemon oc#Psychrozen trainer Marina#arven x oc#i struggled to sleep last night i was so giddy when i got this#i'm serious go give Mikan one billion dollar they deserve it
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Been thinking about idw1's outliers lately, and how sort of wild the whole concept is from a worldbuilding standpoint, and it struck me that most confirmed outlier abilities tend to be really useful, or flashy, or powerfully dangerous, and few to none tend to be like, really boring, or totally impractical, or even entirely useless? Which, doesn't really make sense when considering the fact that outlier abilities are seemingly random.
Surely not everyone who's born an outlier gets something useful?
And I don't mean like, "good" useful, but any sort of useful, even if that means you can kill people with your voice, or give a power boost by exploding yourself, those are still "useful".
But surely there had to be some with abilities that were totally impractical, or nonbeneficial, or at the very least just insignificant or purely aesthetic and pointless?
#mods. enhancements. and artificial outlier abilities are a different thing. with plenty of room for error and drawbacks#but being born inherently an outlier by the sheer whim of. idfk. primus or the planet itself. what's the chances there???#this definitely has to have been discussed before. i'm just too lazy to dig for it rn. but yeah. its a fascinating concept either way#idw transformers#tf idw1#mtmte#lost light#maccadam#maybe thundercracker's sonic booms count. but those have some use. also its funky. so he gets a pass i think#i had more thoughts about this earlier when i first jotted the thought down. but ive forgotten them now >:/#basically its just funny to think of like. shockwaves school and all. going around like ''what can you do?''#and you've got the group we see in the flashback. and then like. some guy whos like ''...i can change the color of energon''#or like. ''i can float! but only like... three inches off the ground''#i cant think of every example. but go down a list of useless superpowers and there ya go#omg. wait. if rewinds whole color changing deal was legitimately a outlier thing. i guess he would count#also. in a similar vein. its really funny to think of outlier abilities as like. stats and stuff? plus 1 to so and so but negative 1 to etc#so abilities had a sort of cost. this is smth ive seen here and there in fics and stuff. and its great.#but its sorta funny to think of working in the opposite way too#take misfire as an example. bcs its funny. negative boost to aiming. but positive boost to evasion#less of a chance to hit smth. but also less of a chance to be hit by smth#idk lol. sorry. ive been doing a lot of gaming lately bcs ✨️stress✨️. so ive got a lot of dumb stats rolling around in my head lmao#also its 4am. so... coherence has long gone to bed before me lol#struggling to sleep again tonight. but more so for anxiety reasons. all these federal job changes are hitting very close to home rn#it'll probably be fine tho. probably. got a lot of other personal shit to worry about anyways. like my fucking medical files being tossed?!#tricare when i get you. when i fucking grt you omg. i didnt even serve. why am i suffering omfg#sorry... thats off-topic. so its probably best i uh. put myself to bed. at 4am. so. goodnight and good morning 🥲👍#tf idw#tf worldbuilding
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Vaguely thinking of doing another drabble challenge but with a spin: instead of my usual 'one word prompt paired with a character or ship' it would be 'name a fandom and I will write a WoT crossover for it'.
Making absurd WoT crossovers was my preferred hobby once upon a time. I've even joked with my friends that the highest honor I can confer to a piece of a media is to come with an insane WoT Crossover idea. Maybe going back to my roots will unstick whatever in my brain that doesn't want to come loose and let me create these days.
#WoT#Wheel of time#WoT On Prime#Wheel of Time on prime#I still have some one word prompts in my inbox I should get to#but idk something in me just....is struggling right now#and when I'm struggling it's wot I turn too#maybe I'll sleep on it then decide
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