#when i was nearing one of my lowest times lmao

[socksual-innuendos]

K this ones egregious enough that tumblr gets to hear about it

My mother, who does not believe in mental illness and meds and the like, who denied me the issues my adhd caused me growing up, who worsened my anxiety through the years, and who denied me the ability to be depressed up until I was rutted up against mulling over a suicide attempt just made a comment regarding how she,

"Felt like she was having an anxiety attack today"

Im almost certain it wasnt a full blown panic attack, maybe she's finally knowing what its like to habe your fight or flight response cranked up to 10000 for no reason, but man. Glad its allowed to exist for you and not me. Thanks I guess.

[todayisafridaynight]

yagami should get his back snapped in half like a toothpick if he wanna fuckin sleep on couches exclusively might as well be doin the same amount of damage

[zaraquinn]

i wish you love.

chapter i | from the start.

—————

summary: you and Robert’s relationship is strictly professional—working as his assistant and all, your relationship can’t get any farther than that. But you never expected your boss, Robert Fischer to be there for you at your absolute lowest; and now this relationship is as impossible as it gets.

—————

tw: mentions of domestic abuse, manipulation and a toxic relationship

word count: 2.2k

female!reader x robert fischer (inception)

requested by: my dumbass

author’s notes and additional notes: because i recently watched oppenheimer when it premiered and since then, cillian murphy has a chokehold on me that proceeded with me watching the batman trilogy and inception just for him (screaming, crying, moaning). Also, seeing and reading everything i can find that has robert fischer on tumblr, they all inspired me to write something for him too! So, for the first time in a while, i’m back to writing/posting something here and making a story that does not include following the plot of a movie (i realize i tend to do that a lot—which halters me to write in general because i have to follow the movie/tv show. Exhibit A is my wattpad lmao). This is also somewhat of a slow burn, so whoever isn’t interested in that, you probably wanna skip this one. Anyway, hope y’all enjoy this

masterlist !

series masterpost: coming soon !

——————

Your metal water bottle reached the floor with a loud thud, while water splashed out of it, making its way into the cracks of the floorboards. You stopped suddenly at the sight before you, and your body froze. Every inch of you went cold and your heart felt like it was torn to shreds right in your chest at the very sight. Tears flooded your vision in an instant and free fell onto your cheeks.

The tight grasp on the front doorknob on one hand was the only thing keeping you afloat. And with one smooth motion, all sounds and voices around you muffled as you turned around and shut the door as quickly as you opened it. Slumping onto your front porch, your gaze found itself stuck onto the floor and your shoes. The rain downpoured onto you mercilessly, but you couldn't care less. Quickly tucking your legs to your chest, the cold rain mixed with your warm tears and you sobbed.

That was until a familiar voice broke through the muffled world around you and you lifted your head from your chest—seeing him.

———

Three subtle knocks broke Robert out of his concentration. The papers were soon turning into a big blob of printed ink and he was secretly glad that he was interrupted before going on much longer. And with those three subtle knocks, he knew who it was to always rescue him from his thoughts.

It was you, his personal assistant, Y/N L/N. you worked for the million-dollar company for a few years now and worked your way up from secretary assistant to now the highest position in your field—as Robert Fischer’s personal assistant. Your skills were very impressive, even for someone as young as your age who can juggle dates, organize events and handle tasks; even when things piled up and got overwhelming. It was show-stopping really, as your skills made your role almost to the highest position. Robert was beyond impressed, and with countless late nights spent in his office working on endless papers and contracts, he was glad to have someone like you by his side.

Since you started working for Robert, he has been pining on you since you started but he knew it would be near-impossible and also very unprofessional. With his father and the company taking over every part of his life, he wished just once that someone up in the clouds could throw him a bone and not have Fischer-Morrow take whatever personal happiness he had left. Of course, that was never an option, so he opted to keep everything strictly professional and hidden. But those late nights of sneaking glances at the way your brows furrowed in concentration while reading, or the way you twirled the pen between your fingers while reading documents, or the way your lashes perfectly framed your beautiful eyes, Robert took what he got. Even if it was just spending time with you while his heart yearned for more.

“Come in.” He said softly, leaning back into his leather chair as you stepped in ever so gracefully. My god, did he think you were beautiful. “Mr. Fischer, I brought these for you.” You said leaning over and handing Robert a folder with important documents. Your voice was music to his ears and you were the only thing that could make him smile on these long days at work. A small smile brushed his lips as he took the folder from you. “Thank you, Y/N.” you returned with a grateful smile as you returned to your calendar in your hands. “Also, please don’t forget your meeting with your uncle in an hour. He wants to discuss the future of the company but has been booked up until the evening. So you only have an hour with him, unfortunately.”

Your eyes were downcast at the mention of his father and Robert’s smile dropped. Every mention of “the future of the company” really meant what happens after his father’s passing. He looked back up at you and gave a sad smile. “Thank you for reminding me, Y/N.” You gave another polite nod before turning around to exit. “Wait.” You turned around at Robert’s voice and looked at him with wide doe eyes. “Yes, Mr. Fischer?” Robert felt a small brush of heat dust his cheeks as he looked over at you. “Will you be there?” He swallowed; his voice now a softer tone than when you came in. “No.” You said and Robert could feel his embarrassment rise. “But I can be.” You offered with a reassuring smile to your boss. His shoulders dropped and he let out a small chuckle and sigh to release any worries he had in that very moment. “Thank you.” “Of course.” And with that, you turned around and exited his office.

There was always an unspoken friendship between the two of you. It was always kept clean and professional, but nowadays after the countdown started for his father, you realized just how much he needed you. Not only were you his personal assistant, but his friend. A real friend and a real connection he had both inside and outside of work. Not everything was about work, and hell, you both knew a fair bit of each other beyond Fischer-Morrow. Staying late with him in his office completing countless documents, agreements and booking meetings slipped through pockets of Robert’s personal life. Mostly during coffee breaks. You learned about him and how he grew up as the countdown continued.

You could tell that he leaned on you for support through these hard times. You knew the way the way his hands fidgeted when he was anxious or nervous during a meeting, or when his jaw clenched when people mentioned his father’s health state. You knew that look and the bob of his adam’s apple when he was in deep thought and could do nothing but swallow his worry. Every small detail about his habits you caught on and it comforted him to know that he has someone like you looking out for him, while in the workforce, he was looking after everything else.

Truth be told, you were glad that Robert was those bosses with humanity and feeling left in them. He treated you like a friend, not a subordinate below him and often showed you kindness and compassion through his professional facade. Although you don’t disclose many details, he also took note of things you liked and didn’t, and even made a promise to always make up your over-time at the company with him. Either by getting a coffee and snack for you the next morning or paying for you during lunch while out with another man for another boring meeting. It was the least he could do.

Along with your friendship with him, you started to yearn for another life—another life with him in it, and you can feel yourself starting to develop feelings for him. But you pushed it away because of how unprofessional it is, and your home life.

Work and seeing Robert was your only escape from paradise from a rather upsetting personal life. As the home you came back to wasn’t a home at all. It was a persistent struggle with a man you know who is starting to no longer love you. You have your suspicions, but it was a turbulent relationship that made you question whether he even loved you or not. Night after night you were met with something empty, or angry, or a switch of a teasing nobody. It was pathetic really. You knew it was a situation that could turn ugly real bad after a few glasses that shattered to the wall behind you, and you were ready in a fleeting moment to run off to a hotel for a few nights while you find another house for yourself.

That’s why you chose to spend your nights late at the company, with someone who doesn’t—no; who would never treat you the same as he did. You chose to spend your late nights escaping from your home with Robert, and you were so thankful.

———

The meeting with Robert and Peter finally came by, and you accompanied Robert as you both headed to the restaurant that Peter had chosen. Robert opened the car door for you and you nodded as you slipped in, Robert following closely behind.

Shutting the car behind him, the drive began. Opening your organizer, the ride had gotten a bit bumpy, considering the endless construction in the city, a few loose papers and notes had fallen on the floor of the car. They scattered to even Robert’s side of the car and he immediately helped you pick up the loose notes. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Fischer.” You swiftly repeated. He was able to collect most of the notes quicker than you did as you shoved your organizer to the empty seat between the two of you. As you were about the reach for the last loose note, Robert’s fingers took it in his own. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.” He softly said, sitting upright on the seat and handing the note to you. His hands brushed against yours and he quickly noticed the slight purple bruising on your hands and knuckles. His face turned to worry as he reached for your hand with a gentle touch. A flash of a fight with your boyfriend a few nights back reminded you of your bruised knuckles as you quickly took the note from his hands; giving him an apologetic smile and retreating your hands behind your organizer.

“Thank you, Mr. Fischer.” You took the rest of the notes collected on your lap and organized them accordingly. “Is everything alright at home Y/N?” The car was coming to a slow stop and they were slowly pulling into the entrance of the restaurant. You looked down and gathered the notes back where they once were and cleared your throat. Looking up at Robert, you gave a small, but false smile in his direction. “Yeah. Everything is fine.” You looked down at your lap once more, avoiding his concerned gaze. His eyes linger on you a little bit longer, his hand slowly reaching your wrist once more. The valet opened the door on Robert’s side, greeting the both of you and stepping aside for the both of you to get out of the car.

You followed Robert as he walked into the restaurant. But instead of walking behind him like you usually do, he lightly guides you with his hand ghosting your waist beside him. His hands make it back to his sides and he flashes you a small comforting smile as you both are led by the waitress to Peter on the rooftop area of the restaurant.

Peter puts down his glass and papers on the table after he sees his godchild at the doorway and smiles at their arrival. Robert looks at you for a swift moment, for some semblance of comfort and you return one, just as he has done so for you in the car.

The two of you approached Peter as he shook your hand first, before putting a comforting hand on his godchild’s shoulder as he led him down to his seat. Robert takes a glance behind him, checking on your presence as you take a seat behind him. Whether it was for himself or your sake, it was needed for the both of you.

—

The meeting had gone on as expected. The two men talk about the what are the next steps for the company, and although hard for Robert, he continues; seemingly empty or uninterested in it all. You notice this immediately, as the notes you write down quickly are all from Peter than your boss himself. You look up to see the two now get into a deeper conversation, and it's not about the business anymore.

“The clock is ticking Robert. We have to think of the future now.” “I know Uncle Peter, but—” Peter puts a hand on Robert’s shoulders. “I know it’s hard son, believe me, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. But this is what we have to do.” Robert looks up at him once then back down to the documents in front of him on the table. He lets out a defeated sigh and sits back in his chair. “Alright.”

———

The night had rolled around and everyone slowly had retired for the day and you had finished your tasks. Rising from your chair, you packed all your things and turned off your desk lamp, walking towards the elevator of the large building.

The elevator opens and you walk inside, about to press the ground floor when you instinctively stop and glance at the fifth floor, where Robert’s office was. Thinking he probably left, it wouldn’t hurt to check just in case, right? Quickly glancing at your watch, you decided it would only take a few minutes, and let your finger press the delicate button. It lights up, and you ascend.

The doors let you go with a ding and they close. Stepping onto the main waiting area, you walked through the floor; through the waiting and meeting rooms and to a hall—the path led by shiny wooden floors. You make your way to the end of the hallway to the door of Robert’s office. His name is in bold, black letters embossed on a golden plaque.

You take a breath and lean closer to the door, the three soft knocks that announce your presence.

———

hope you guys love the first instalment! if you wish to be added to a taglist (i might be starting) please let me know in the comments! :3

———

! masterlist !

! series masterpost !

[ursineknight]

I've tried to write a big, special post about this book for a week, but I think I'm just spinning my wheels now. Please enjoy some loosely collected thoughts about The Luminous Dead. Spoilers below.

-----

The Luminous Dead was a super effective horror novel for me. I had to go sit next to my partner and be patted on the arm while I was getting through the last 10%, lmao.

The limited third-person POV works so, so well in a story where one character’s understanding of her environment starts deteriorating.

Our protagonist Gyre is exploring a deep cave system at the behest of a mysterious corporate concern all by herself. She’s wired into her cave suit, recycling and recirculating waste material in a closed loop, and subsisting off of food delivered straight to her gut because a monster in the caves may be attracted to any trace of humans.

From the second Gyre enters the caves, she’s robbed of connecting to her environment with three of her senses: smell, taste, and touch. She especially laments the last as exploration of the cave wears on her.

All that’s left to her is sight and sound, and it’s not enough.

SEEING

The author, Starling, makes it clear from the beginning that what Gyre sees is what we get to see. When Em, Gyre’s handler, hides the fallen body of Adrian Purcell, a solo caver from a previous expedition of the exact mission Gyre is on, from her suit’s sight, it disappears for us, too.

Which makes Gyre’s later visions of Isolde, Hanmei, Jennie, and Eli, other previous cavers who are connected in darker and deeper ways to Gyre’s current foray, walking around at the edge of her vision suck so bad, lmao. Especially after she cuts Em off from communication because she’s convinced Em’s messing with the suit displays to fuck with her. Now, Gyre thinks, she can trust her own perception. Like, surely everything she perceives now she can trust is happening. Despite doing this on the tail of seeing the supposedly dead mother of Em down in the caves. Oof.

Gyre’s go-your-own-way attitude comes from a life where she’s only been able to depend on herself, as her mother and father are both absent in different ways before she came down in the caves. Cleaving to her independence becomes deadly as she loses her grip on reality, though.

Especially as Gyre cuts off human contact and perhaps invites something else in, to keep her company. When she cuts off Em’s communication to her suit and herself, she only gets rid of what she’s thinking as Em’s poisonous influence by opening herself up to the cave, actually. She literally cuts Em’s line and then opens her suit’s helmet up to the air of the cave for the very first time. She says she can feel the cave on her skin.

The unraveling thread of Gyre’s sanity from here on could just be her stress. It could be fungal spores, as Gyre’s noted mushrooms in the caves and even populating the bodies of the dead down there. Even worse, there’s an idea that the cave itself gets into her. She starts weaving together the apparitions of the dead with the sense that the cave wants her to crawl back down to its lowest levels. Maybe it’s got its claws in her and doesn’t want what it has to leave.

To Gyre’s credit, she thoughtfully doubts her perceptions—near the beginning. As we run up to the end, Gyre no longer has time to doubt herself; that and the insomnia, the hunger, the weeks of isolation, the burgeoning infections make her so weak to taking what’s in front of her directly.

Even when she’s being directly contradicted at the end, Gyre won’t let go of what she’s seeing. Gyre’s insistence on the dead’s presence near the end, when Em literally is throwing up all the overlays and readings to show Gyre nothing is there!! MAN!!

HEARING

The dead never speak to Gyre. Em eventually becomes a source of truth for Gyre in the cave by being a dependable voice in her ear vs. these visions of the lost cavers appearing only to Gyre and never being perceivable by Em. These dead even touch Gyre, near the end. Jennie, a dead caver that especially haunts Gyre’s thoughts because Gyre keeps coming back to her corpse again and again, drags Gyre to the edge of the Long Drop (a miles-long straight drop in the cave system). If we can believe Gyre.

Gyre can’t entirely trust her hearing either, though. At different times, she thinks she hears music, or humming, or steps, only to realize she didn’t. Gyre always has a second thought that it might have been real, though, and her doubt sticks in your craw.

BELIEVING

Tangent, but the phantom humming and the “dead” comms channel are especially eerie. Gyre and Em finally realize Gyre’s been hearing something when Gyre snaps at her to stop humming, but it gets lost in the argument they have afterwards and Em files it away as stress hallucinations. But when Gyre is separated from Em? The humming is back, and casts doubt on Gyre’s desperate, fraying belief that she is alone down there.

And the “dead” comms channel especially throws a wrench in Gyre’s control of the situation. When Gyre cuts Em off of the suit's comms, she does it by switching to an empty communication channel...that she realizes she cannot switch back. She wanders through half the cave by herself, increasingly convinced somebody is down in a death trap of a cave with her. And then she thinks there's somebody on the line with her, too— watching her run down the last of her supplies without a word.

Not only is Gyre stuck pleading with dead air, there’s an implication that some shadowy other influence is not only listening to her, but trying to control her body. And it succeeds—at one particularly tense moment where Gyre appears to have finally gotten the upper hand, she seemingly loses control of the suit to whoever is sitting in silence on the ghost channel and they literally break her only chance at survival.

What it comes down to for me is this. While I can think of a logical reading of the novel—Gyre is hallucinating badly because of paranoia and stress from early on, and it only getting worse as things go to shit—the timbre of Gyre’s panic and her constantly rounding back on herself on whether or not she can believe her perceptions color that whole experience. I cannot in good faith just say to somebody, “Oh, she imagined all those things.” Somewhere deep down, I question myself, too. And that’s why “The Luminous Dead” will be on my mind for a long time.

Also, lmao. “Gyre.” “Lethe.” We love references. I see you, Starling.

[umbra-borealis]

TLDR, Elements of Chaos, a massive Sonic AU I've had for years will be in production, meaning most my spare time will go towards that. C0mms might still be open but I'll be more picky because I want to make sure I can actually deliver quality without overworking myself. It's just me, one singular guy, working on this passion project and while I'm okay with that, keep in mind that things might move slowly. I don't have the mental capacity, free time or funding to work on it full time. I'm still excited though and I hope you guys are too.

And of course, here's that ko-fi link I mentioned.

Transcript:

Umbra's 2024 look-ahead

Hello everyone!

2023 was a rather slow year for me as an artist but eventful for me mentally. Because of this I wasn't able to do as much as I had planned and that, not going to lie, hurts. But I'm also ready to leave that in the past and perhaps just push the pause button on some things to return to later because certain things (like the tarot card project) still live rent free in my head. These big long term projects are most impacted by the small amount of folks interested in them besides myself and before you think I'm complaining, this is actually a bit of a blessing because this means I can put a pin in that and things like it to instead focus on something more important to me...

ELEMENTS OF CHAOS.

This is a Sonic AU, yup. Lets get that out of the way first. I'm far from the only one to have an AU and turn it into a full length fic or comic but the thing is, I'm doing neither. Sonic has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. It was a comfort during my most traumatizing years as a child when I had to navigate abuse on the daily, it was a reason for me to not commit sewer slide when I was at my lowest and I cannot begin to express the many ways it affected me as a writer and artist. Together with it's less well known sibling NiGHTS, the Sonic series is the reason I draw/write at all. But as we all know, the Sonic series isn't without it's flaws and just like so many others, I started re-writing bits and pieces I didn't like to form a new narrative.

This is a long haul passion project. The format has already been decided on and I plan to keep 'dev logs' for folks to keep up with if it interests them because I can't promise the release of it's first chapter any time soon. This project only has one person doing all the work and that person is me so if you're interested in supporting me I have a ko-fi link I'll attach to this post (and hopefully more options to come soon) They come with perks too so I don't feel like I'm just e begging, lmao.

Here's a little list of things I'm doing/have to do in order to start publishing.

Character references (Sonic is done already). This is because this story will also feature illustrations.

Website building. Yes, I plan to host a website on Neocities specially for Elements of Chaos.

Actual writing, doi. It's true that I have already worked on the first chapter and gotten positive feedback on what I have so far, but it's far from done!

Cover/page illustrations. This is a storybook type thing. I want to experiment and learn as an artist. This project will be my playground for that and hopefully you'll get to see that growth as the story progresses.

Development will happen in that order, so you can expect references before anything else.

For now, happy new year everyone! I'll share more fun stuff such as a synopsis, world building, stream news etc. in the near future. For now I'm going to enjoy what's left of the holidays before going straight back to work. I look forward to taking everyone along on this creative journey. Thank you!

[1driedpersimmon]

Heya !! Same anon as last time, i am on around 23 hours of gaming and im not even done with all the second chapters it's such a good game !

Like it makes me so happy that we still have games like these were the Whole game experience is bought and not missing with dlcs and such

i would Die for each travellers lmao, from both games

I do have one question tho, i found some job licences, which are the second classes like the previous games, and im a little nervous to use them ? idk i've seen a lot of combinaisons and mixs is it okay to have fun with it or is there an actual order ??

Also funny facts : Castti is my lowest level as i got her last, but because i Somehow caught a Caith when she wasnt there, all the ones i got recent but before her caught up in exp?? Ochette is lvl 22 now ?? poor Castii at 15 TwT

I also managed to get monsters with other elements so now my Ochette is only missing light and ice magic xD

I hope you have an amazing day

Hehe glad to hear you’re having fun!!

You def don’t need to worry about the “meta” of job classes haha, each one can work (obvi some has better synergy) but tbh I play based on who has the cutest outfit and I’m doing fine (lv. 70 hehe) so totally up to you to mix and match!

And yeah I love all the travelers they are so near and dear to my heart

[weeping-gospels]

shitty, offbeat trumpets sounding

time for facts about our favorite overweight black fur ✨✨✨

it gets nasty but this shouldn’t be surprising in the least

🐀 Hemlock’s known nickname is “The Black Bull” for how he charges into battle like an enraged, frantic bull.

🐀 He’s roughly about 6’4 and comically weighs 666lbs. Yes, this is only for the satanic joke. But no really, dude is fucking BIG and still smaller than Throt. Also has the color palette to match the satanic theme — black and reds.

🐀 Depending on how badly the Black Hunger is fucking him up, Hemlock will sometimes have to wear a tightly fastened muzzle to stop him from committing mass cannibalism amongst his peers. He does not like to eat anything that’s dead. He heavily prefers alive, squirming prey.

🐀 Constantly boasts that he’s Throt’s best experiment/creation. Throt has still killed him multiple times before. For some reason, he believes being referred to as an experiment rather than a Skaven is a compliment and will get offended if he’s referred to as otherwise.

🐀 Has the stereotypical personality of a Barbarian. The intelligence of one too. His intelligence stats are ALWAYS the fucking lowest while his strength is maxed out. His vocabulary is purposely illiterate at times by the way, I’m not actually making accidental typos in my replies lmao I’m doing it on purpose to show his lack of intelligence. His text will always be red to represent danger and he almost always refers to himself in third person.

🐀 Portrayed comically with dark themes in DnD but explores the most god awful, disgusting themes in writing and Warhammer. I put on a filter when playing with others unless told I can embrace the full extent of Hemlock because he is NOT anywhere NEAR child friendly. Has eaten two children in his first ever campaign.

🐀 The only reason he’s still alive and a bitch to kill is because Throt keeps experimenting and reanimating him. His corpse is basically taken into the lab, given the skin and muscles and whatnot of other creatures, studied, then stitched back up and brought back to life by Throt’s insane science. Hemlock is hardly considered a Skaven anymore because of him being made up of so many things — thus just being a living experiment.

🐀 He doesn’t fear death because he’s that convinced Throt will never let him die. He also lacks belief in The Horned One. He doesn’t see himself as a God, he simply doesn’t care. Dude lives to cause shit and eat everything. He loves his life and is kind of too stupid and full of himself to see how shit it is for him. He does fear Throt though.

🐀 Betty and him are both alike and different. The two are hard to kill, but Betty dreads her immortality while Hemlock embraces his tough status. Both have been self experimented on. Both are affiliated closely with Moulder. Betty is a much more narcissistic and self aware version of Hemlock.

🐀 Betty has also been killed by Throt before — and Hemlock has been given parts of her body to live again. Betty regenerates her own body upon reincarnation. Hemlock has to be manually brought back. Because of this, Hemlock loves to rub the fact she’s always a part of him under her skin because she finds it absolutely revolting.

🐀 They used to date. In a mildly healthy manner. Because of her stronger affiliation with Fester, they went separate ways and became much more aggressive to one another. Despite this, they will never kill each other, and have even had moments where one of the two will show up to aid the other in need. There are still lingering, unspoken feelings but they refuse to act on it out of loyalty toward Moulder and Fester.

🐀 Hemlock embraces his gluttony. Absolute body positivity. Views his body as peak perfection. His gluttony and the amount of times his stomach had to be remade after rupturing literally causes his digestive tract to never work properly. Which is horrible considering the fact he eats more than any other Skaven and then his shit poor stomach can’t handle it and will rupture again. This is a near constant cycle and he will be muzzled and put under surveillance if one catches wind of it. Like a goldfish, the dumbass has no sense of when to stop eating.

🐀 on the flip side if you can handle the horrible, loud noises coming from his stomach, he’s a pretty great pillow

[throwaway-yandere]

Pfffft Ansy, the father and the son KSKFIDJRUCUD

Ohhhh no, an AU where Dimitri and Dainsleif are siblings but Dain was a slip (doubt it. Dimitri's papa is a good man *sobs*) or he is the son of Dimitri's uncle (Rufus? I always forget his name). Whatever, the point is, Dain is the second possible heir that royalty don't want people to know about, so they assign him as Dimitri's personal knight without telling them they are related. They train and study together, and suffer the catastrophe together... but in the end, Dainsleif had to flee as they belived him a traitor. As a wanted child who has a remarkable similarity to Prince Dimitri, he covered half of his face so no one can recognize him.

You and Dimitri met at the academia, and he fell madly in love with you. You felt flattered but never returned his feelings, not wanting to be part of royal costumes and all but you gave him all the support a friend cand give when he hitted one of his lowest points. When the 5 years gap passes, through that time, you met Dansleif, deciding to travel together away from the war which ended with him pinning after you, but now he is on a quest to find his lost brother/cousin to inform him of the betrayal of Rufus, the real reason of the massacre.

Now, that everything is better and you have establish yourself in some city of Faerghus, were one day a visit from the new king is taking place, which is not weird due of the recent events of Rufus being revealed as the true traitor of the Duscur event. What you didn't expect, was Dainsleif walking almost right beside him. It finally makes sense in your brain why he always asked about the whereabouts of Dimitri whenever the two of you reached a settlement, and why he looked at you with so much hope in his eyes for the first time since you two met, when you told him about him being in Garreg Mach just before you parted ways.

The two men who haven't stop loving you after so much time are in front of you. How are you going to get out of this? You don't seek a relationship right now or in the near future, but with the way both of them are looking at you, you feel that you won't have that much of a say.

Alternatively, Dimitri is the true ruler of Dragonspine, but he was in an ice-induced slumber until one day you and Dainsleif find him, and ever since the three of you adventurer together.

(Did I just made a crossover for this? Yes. Do I care? No, simp for them, that's all you have to Do)

And also??? I did the same for Cyno 😂 I saved up like for four months and got him at c3. Love my jokester so much 💙💙💙💙

Personally, I fell for Felix for some reason (but Dimitri is really close behind him). He is such a hardheaded individual that I can't help but annoy 👀 (such a childish behaviour, he would say, as I inform him that it's all to get him to talk to Me lmao) ("Fine. You finally have my attention but now you quiver before Me? Where went that resolution? To do anything no matter the means To get my eyes on you? Commit to your words, because now I am going to the same to you.")

Yeah... sorry if this is a mess of an ask ALFIRJRIUF I wasn't expecting to see Three houses on the fandom lists and got excited.

NUTJOB ANON THIS IS UNFINISHED BUT HERE WAS ME ADDING DETAILS IN THE DRAFTS EVERY NOW AND THEN 😭😭😭 LITERALLY UNFINISHED THE BULLET POINT IS STILL OPEN

I… am incredibly self indulgent. I want to keep this for myself forever– I am so in love with this. I admit, I constantly daydream a universe where they're all together, but my version of that is Dainsleif is just one of his knights that loathes visiting the Monastery but omg brothers/cousins Dain and Dimitri is such an amazing concept I hate myself for not thinking about this before 😭 My comrade this will be on my mind rent free. 

I agree I can't see Lambert as that type of person (I imagine he was as adorably awkward as Dimi when he was alive ;;–;;;) so for the sake of my rambling they're cousins! Rufus is known for playing around anyways so this works well ehehehehe

This is a yandere blog and I am sorry if a yandere response is not what you wanted, but dang it I'm taking this excuse to write my take on yandere!Dimitri and secret prince!Dain headcanons fhsjkaoa.

We're adding other genshin characters into the mix cause frick it WHY NOT?!

YANDERE!DIMITRI AND DAINSLEIF BRAINROT (CROSSOVER):

Some world building details: 

We're gonna pretend the Monastery and the Akademiya are the same thing and that Fodlan exists as a continent besides Teyvat (and that Khaenri'ah didn't exist lmao. Khaenri'ah erasure–)

First off: the twins are either both on the Golden Deer or they're split between Black Eagles and Blue Lions. And for the sake of angst we're choosing the latter option–

Dainsleif was born with the major crest of Blaiddyd unlike Dimitri who only has a minor crest, and that unfortunately means he has a better chance at succeeding the throne in this society.

They come from an archonless land (Sothis doesn't have one element she could control and "time" is a very complex concept) so naturally they depend on crests more than visions. Besides, they rely on reason and faith rather than elemental reactions. And the Akademiya/Officer's Academy is a prestigious university who offers all of that.

But of course, Dain did not have a rich upbringing. I imagine he would be found in an orphanage with Lumine.

For the sake of extra angst, Lumine is separated from Aether, who lived a life of luxury in Mondstadt. This happened because she did not bear a crest like her brother did.

Perhaps Alois found the two kids before he realized they're both likely to be children kf nobility. Based on the orphanage's data on him, his mother used to rendezvous with Rufus as well.

Luckily, he is "just" one of Rufus' many bastards. Lying to everyone that he doesn't have a crest comes as easy as breathing. 

His Teyvat-an mother taught him not to trust nobles so easily before she passed.

Dainsleif easily pretended that it was his blood they used to check if he had a crest of not, even though it was likely Lumine's. Rufus lost interest quickly. But he keeps an eye on him by making sure he's raised as Dimitri's retainer. Spy might be the more fitting word, but Dainsleif doesn't care for his father.

I like to imagine young!dimitri is lowkey pissed at Dain because when Dain has a long haircut he's seen as cool and collected but when Dimi has a long haircut he gets called a "young maiden" by a well-known knight lmao

And thus, Dainsleif became the "Twilight Sword", known for his repertoire and loyalty to the crown.

And being Dimitri, Sylvain, Felix, and Glenn's spokesperson when the boys started doing something stupid. And it's always just Sylvain.

Felix doesn't like him, but he tolerates him better than Dimitri that's for sure. (Unlike Dimitri, Dain's a lot more sane after losing everything but that might just be because 500 years have passed.) His skill with the sword is impeccable, and he doesn't hold back when calling Dimitri out either.

"For all your years of being close to one another, it's a pity that you lack Felix's clarity when it comes to your apparent mental distress." - Dain @ Dimitri, probably.

(Dain is the sassiest king of tutorials lmao)

Well, at least that's how positively stark his reputation was until the Tragedy of Duscur and the loss of his closest friend, Glenn.

Rufus's retainer idea failed when Dimitri insisted on having Dedue as his main right hand man. The two relatives didn't argue about this, in fact, they agreed that this was the better choice.

To prove his loyalty to Dimitri's cause, he decided to leave Faerghus, and therefore don his infamous half mask whilst traveling Teyvat.

This, to him, is a way to atone his sins.

Enter (Y/n)!!!

The first person you meet is Lumine! You had quite the "meet-cute", bumping into each other on the halls with you losing your notes and with her dropping her inteyvats on the ground.

Lumine apparently got in the Akademiya as a a scholar. You asked her what her field of study was before but her answer is complicated. She said something about how her tuition is paid by doing daily commissions. You didn't understand it.

Of course, you're both in Blue Lions!!!!

Besties are cute af Lumine is a swordmaster and you're like annette who's good at boosting strength stats!!!

Because of that, Byleth partners you more with her, and never Dimitri because his stats are enough. Which, by the way, makes him pretend to be ill sometimes just for a chance to talk to you. He's not above lying. He did the same with his supports with Ashe.

-------------

Back to my incoherent rambling because this is also a mess of a response lmao:

A fellow Cyno haver??? Heck yeah!!! He's C0 of course but I'm very happy to have him! Razor is my first main and since then I've decided on collecting his family. By that I meant collecting white hair red eyes characters lol. Now we have Team Lupical with Razor, Kazuha, Itto, and Cyno. They are my children 🤍❤️

I wanted him since I first watched the Teyvat Trailer, and I absolutely lost it when his VA was revealed to be Alejandro Saab (Yuri) rjakosoapaakka. 

Though if I had to order my fave FE:TH boys it's probably

Dimitri, or course

Ferdinand Von Aegir (precious constantly self-improving king)

Claude (DJ Khali–. I'm not usually into scheme-y characters but his personality takes the cake. Also, i like to imagine we're the same ethnicity even though that's not true at all.)

Sylvain (his threats actually convinced me to marry him lol)

Felix (tsundere in thigh highs.)

Pretty obvious which route I played first huh? Lmao.

[easyboi]

Oh i feel you on the prices of toys. A dear friend of mine collects fantasy dildos and one of his dogs chewed up a large bad dragon once — it was a sad day for him, and Eddie (the dog) still hasn’t felt an ounce of shame 😩

I still mourn that particular loss, because damn that thing was unreasonably large, he is a size queen, I wanted to destroy him with it and never got the chance to..

Anyway. The whole point of this is I feel you. I lost a big box of toys when we moved last year, I’m still hoping it’ll return because it had my favourite vibes and fantasy dildos 😩 plus a set of custom made leather cuffs, chest harness and collar that my partner gifted me. But it is what it is, even though I won’t be replacing the toys anytime soon.

If you’re up for it, you could tell me a little more about your toy and how you like to get yourself off?

- P

damn i can only imagine the pain, my most expensive (excluding my stp that i don't even use 💀) were still nowhere near those prices, let alone an entire box! i hope it turns up i'd be devastated 😔 even more for that nice custom set

this one's still new so i'm gonna figure out what i like the best, but i usually get on my bed and start by just using my hand and rubbing myself through my pants until i'm really craving more, and only then pull them down, keep going for a little depending on how horny i am. then with that toy or any other i usually tease myself a little without turning it on just for the Promise lmao. when i do i keep it on the lowest setting until i can't take it, one up, repeat. with my other vibes i can keep that going until i reach the highest and can't stop grinding against it, still kinda wanting more even tho i'm already so oversensitive that it almost hurts. other times tho i'm so worked up just turning the toy on can be enough to make me come 🥴 dildos depends, i have to have a good fantasy otherwise it's too much effort even tho i really like them lol

[shouyurramen]

CELEBRATING ACHIEVEMENTS N SUCH!

It's a date yawl! We went to a night market somewhere near our place 🤓 t’was also the first time I drove them somewhere kashdha all the panic and doubts were handed to them LMAO but all went well! We grab some foods but one could tell how it was not worth the price hehe... then we stayed there for like an hour or two (30 mins of waiting for someone to shoo away on their seats😭) T'was cooool, we were able to chika, took LOTS of pictures and bought some matchy accessories too!

We grew a lot.

I never really expected someone like them exists in this not-so-good place that I'm in right now.

To my best of fwends, just like the wind, I thought you guys were just another people with whom I got to bond in a short period, way back when we were in high school. I barely knew you both before, but I guess it's true that we just clicked and it just happened that both of you get me a lot. I am way too grateful for having you both in my life. Thank you for keeping me at my lowest and celebrating with me at my best. We are indeed grown-ups with lots of baggage JK! Seriously, may we find joy in simple things, books, poems, flowers, and with the right person (someday). Love yewl, mwa!

also, HAPPY WOMEN’S MONTH TOO !!

[simeons-sinful-saint]

EAS

(OM) Brothers x GN!Reader

Synopsis: A storm is a brewing, and the brothers are unprepared for it.

WC: 1.2K

Note: So this is very America centric, bc we have the tornados. Trust me, I’ve lived through many of them lol I saw the trend on TikTok of people rating EAS through the world and I had this crack head idea. So I hope you enjoy lmao

“Ugh, why can’t we go out MC?” Mammon whined throwing himself onto the couch.

“Dude, it’s pouring out there. Just because you’d be ok in it doesn’t mean I would be.”

The cracks of thunder and lightning were far off in the distance, and you all were stuck at your parents’ house. Luckily, they were away at a friend’s house. You doubt that they’d be back anytime soon.

“Isn’t there anything else to watch on the TV? The Ruri-Chan marathon isn’t on anymore.” Levi was flipping through channels unable to pick anything.

You tried looking at the TV guide he was running through, “What about Jurassic Park? That’s a good movie.”

“Oh! Is that the one with the dinosaurs?” Mammon suddenly got up and tried to take the remote from Levi.

“Get off me you idiot!”

“Can you guys shut up? I’m trying to read here.” Satan sounded very annoyed, and you don’t blame him. Honestly, the brothers’ antics get on your nerves each time.

Lucifer was in the other room, so he couldn’t help you break them up. Honestly, there was a lot happening. You had those two fighting, and you have Beel cleaning out the fridge. It meant you had to replace all of that food before your parents got home.

You can already feel the headache develop.

Suddenly, the TV froze.

“What the fuck MC? Why is it broken—“

“Just shut up Mammon!”

Your worst fear came true. The loud alarm started ringing through the living room causing all of the boys to jump.

You could only sigh.

“MY NAILS!” Asmo shrieked as nail polish now pooled out onto the coffee table. You could still hear Belphie’s soft snores from behind you. Of course, he wouldn’t wake up during this.

Beel and Lucifer ran into the room.

“MC, what is happening?” Lucifer tried to sound calm, but obviously the warning was pretty terrifying.

The screen turned black, and white letters across the screen read: Emergency Alert System.

The alarm was followed by ringing making the brothers, besides Belphie, cover their ears.

Then of course it began…

The National Weather Service in (City) has issued a Tornado Warning for…

“What the hell is a tornado?!” Mammon yelled.

“It’s a rotating column of air that causes a lot of damage when touched down on the ground.” Satan wasn’t helping.

“Guys just calm down. It’s just a tornado. They’re very common here.” You tried to give them reassurance but that only fed fuel to the fire, “umm…besides, we don’t know if it’s an actual tornado heading towards us.”

At 9:31, National Weather Service Doppler Radar indicated hook signatures most common in tornado sightings. A funnel cloud had been spotted touching the ground by emergency experts.

Damn it.

“We’re going to die, aren’t we?!” Levi was holding on to Mammon, well at least they stopped fighting.

You groaned, “Guys, no one is going to die. We just have to take shelter.”

This storm has a history of producing ping pong sized hail. Locations affected were…

“Oooh hail sounds scary…” Asmo was grabbing on to you. You could feel him shaking, “MC, what’s hail?”

“They’re pellets of frozen rain that you don’t have to worry about. It’s just going to ruin my car…”

Take cover now. Move to an interior room of the lowest floor in a sturdy building. Avoid windows.

The alarm beeped a few more times before stopping, warning still on the screen. It was going to repeat itself any minute.

“We have to go to the basement,” you said, “It’s safest in there.”

“But MC it said an interior room—“ Satan couldn’t finish his sentence.

“That’s for houses that don’t have basements!”

You grab the radio used for emergencies like this, “Come on. Into the basement!”

“MC WE’RE GOING TO DIE!” Mammon was crying at this point.

“We’re not going to die, Mammon. Follow MC’s instructions.” At least Lucifer was helping you. Beel went back to the kitchen.

“No Beel! There’s a fridge down there with ice cream you can eat!”

He turned around and finally went downstairs. You started counting heads and realized one was missing.

“BELPHIE!” You bolt back upstairs to see he finally woke up.

“what’s going on…” he yawned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. The tornado sirens from outside started blaring. You could hear the panic from downstairs with Lucifer yelling at them to keep quiet.

“No time! Basement!” You almost pushed Belphie down the stairs, running down yourself. Everyone was just standing around not knowing what to do.

“So now what?” Satan asked. You turned on the radio and set it down on the washing machine.

“We wait.”

—

“I’m bored!” Mammon yelled.

“Tough shit! We don’t have the all clear yet, so we can’t go upstairs.”

“What do we do if your house gets blown away?! All of my luggage?!

“That’s not going to happen Asmo! Everyone, just remain calm. We don’t even know how powerful the tornado is. It probably is nothing. Small ones happen all the time here.”

“What if it isn’t small?!” Levi was still freaked out, basically now huddled into a corner.

You sigh, “That’s for me to worry about, not you guys…”

“Listen to MC. Obviously they know what to do. So, stay quiet.” You mouth the words ‘thank you’ to Lucifer. Honestly, he, Satan, Beel, and Belphie were the only ones that weren’t driving your anxiety through the roof.

“How do we know it’s near us?” Satan asked.

You thought about it, “Well, it kind of sounds like a train, but it’s mainly just the thunder you here. Really no one really knows since ya know…no one wants to be in one. They just say they roar.”

Lucifer hummed, “They said people saw one. Was it by accident?”

“No, there are people called storm chasers whose entire job is to follow activity in a thunderstorm like this.”

“WAIT, PEOPLE CHASE THESE?!” Levi and Mammon screamed.

You nod your head, “It’s dangerous work, so they get paid a lot.”

Something then changed in Mammon’s eyes, “Well when you put it like that—“

“No!” You and Lucifer yelled.

“This ice cream is really good, MC.” Beel already finished your parents ice cream and now moved onto yours.

You pouted, but it was for the greater good. You didn’t want Beel to wander back into the kitchen nor did you want everyone annoyed by his stomach, “I’m glad.”

Belphie was happily asleep next to him. At least he wasn’t panicking.

“Ok, can you guys please be quiet? I need to hear the weatherman.”

Finally, everyone calmed down and paid attention to the radio, “If you are in the (City) area, you have the all clear. But make sure to stay tuned in.”

“Well, ya heard him,” you started heading upstairs.

“MC DON’T!!”

You turned around to stare at Mammon, Levi, and Asmo, “Guys…it’s fine.”

Opening the basement door, everything was fine. None of the windows were broken, and there wasn’t much hail outside. Your car had been spared.

“I guess it really is okay…” Mammon said as the others came up. The TV was back on to the regular program. Levi was about to grab the remote until you swiped it from him.

“Nope! We’re watching the local news!”

Mammon and Levi groaned. But for now, there was a calm after the storm.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Hi love, so I was wondering if u had any thoughts about Edward panic changing Bella if she was close to death while he was near. Like if they were in a car accident or whatever and medical help was too far away. For all his refusal to turn her and let her die naturally, he seems like he would panic and bite her when in the actual situation. (Regardless of whether or not he succeeds in turning her or mercy kills her after, because I totally agree with u about those two lmao 😭😭😂)

Hello, anon.

Well, this actually happened in canon.

The Fiasco of Bella's Emergency Birth

Bella's emergency C-section was a complete shit show and almost like an act of God to make sure Carlisle was not there. The date for the operation had been set, after weeks of starvation Carlisle finally leaves the house in order to prepare for surgery, and the second he steps out side what happens.

Bella's spine snaps like a twig, Edward has to eat his daughter out of the womb, and Bella's goes into cardiac arrest.

Bella's heart stops in the middle of this, her spine was broken, and she lost a massive amount of blood. Bella was a millisecond from death.

Edward stabs her with a syringe and chooses to turn her.

Before that point, it was unclear that he would.

He starts Breaking Dawn trying to coax Bella into postponing the change or even delaying it inevitably. His plan is to attend college with her, something Bella would physically not be capable of as a typical newborn.

Given the Volturi, this was absolutely not an option, Edward insists it is anyway.

When Bella becomes pregnant with his child, his plan is to abort her (forcibly if need be) and supply her Jacob Black as a stud in order to deliver all the human babies she could possibly want. Bella by this point cannot digest human food, her stomach has turned to stone, and Renesmee has likely damaged her internal organs beyond repair. Bella cannot go back to being an ordinary human, not without significant health issues, and that's if she survives at all (which I find doubtful).

I'm sure Edward had it in his mind that, even with Carlisle cutting Bella's uterus open with his teeth, that somehow, in some miraculous way, they might not have to turn Bella. Bella can remain human and everything will be fine.

But then Bella is dying in front of him, he sees her heart stop, and he makes the panic decision to save her life. He shoots her heart full of venom then begins CPR. Bella survives through the transformation and is turned.

To me though, this was very much a panic changing and something that was up in the air. Edward in that moment had to decide whether or not he could live without Bella, even if she's a vampire. He chose to keep her, he likely will always wonder if he made the correct choice.

But Back To Your Question

By Breaking Dawn Bella's been around a while. She's made it repeatedly clear, many many times, that she wants to be a vampire. She and Edward have extensively argued both pros and cons of vampirism. Edward's not sure Bella really gets what his reality is (she doesn't) but they have gone over it.

Bella's also talked to Carlisle, Rosalie, and Jasper about the whole vampire package. She's met multiple vampires, been attacked by multiple vampires, even Edward can't deny she's seen the ugly side of vampirism.

Bella really wants to be a vampire.

Edward has also faced reality without Bella Swan. It's bleak, cold, and endless. There is nothing for him in that world, even separating from her if she were to remain human pains him significantly.

Even Edward, stubborn as he is, could read the writing on the wall by Breaking Dawn. The decision is ruminating in the back of his mind and the option, loathe as he is to admit it, is actually on the table.

Then you have Renesmee who really helps things along. Per Renesmee, Edward decides that vampires do in fact have a soul. He is not a damned, senseless, creature and turning Bella would not condemn her to be a monster. He still likely doesn't like the idea of it, for reasons he cannot explain to himself, but his major theological argument is now gone.

Without Renesmee's gift, he may very well not have gone for that syringe.

But say we're in Twilight or even New Moon, this is a Bella Edward is sure has no idea what a vampire is. One who has not had a chance to assert a billion times that, yes, she really really really wants to do this. He's still convinced he can leave her and she can live a human life without vampires or any supernatural nonsense.

We see this Bella get significantly injured in Edward's presence.

Bella is losing a lot of blood fast after her run in with James. Carlisle has to start stitching her up immediately and get her to a hospital. A little later, and even from the blood loss she might have died. She's also been been bitten.

To stop her transformation, the venom would have to be sucked out, something notoriously difficult to do even under the best of circumstances. Bella's currently bleeding profusely and is Edward's singer: this is a death sentence.

Rather than panic change her, Edward panic keeps her human. He sucks the poison out, nearly going too far and killing her, and risks her death to keep her human.

In that moment, though it's a flash decision, Edward would rather Bella die than turn her. (After which, of course, he would go to Volterra to kill himself and give Aro an aneurism).

He repeats this sort of idea throughout the series. Notable are the times that Bella gives him hypothetical scenarios, increasingly ridiculous, to see what he would come up with.

A car crashes? Edward never crashes cars, he is that awesome at driving. And if the car crashes anyway, he has the reflexes of a panther, he'll unbuckle Bella, vault out of the car, and heroically jump out the back window to safety and humanity. Bella will never be injured.

A plane crashes? Edward unbuckles Bella from her seatbelt, carries her bridal style to the emergency exit, and then throws them both out the window and to safety... some tens of thousands of feet below preferably in water. He and Bella are then photographed as the sole miraculous survivors of this terrible tragedy. (When Edward gave this answer, I had my answer as to whether or not Edward actually passed his basic physics class. The answer, children, is no.)

Granted, these are not actual scenarios, and it's easier to give these kinds of answers than talk about them. But it's very telling that in Twilight, when Bella point blank tells him that one day she will die and that is the truth of humanity, he essentially says, "Blue Screen: ERROR" back to her followed swiftly by, "THE SUBJECT IS CLOSED".

Back to Your Question (Again)

But let's say we have your scenario. The summer after James, in Bella and Edward's summer of love before the birthday disaster, Edward (say it ain't so) crashes the fucking Volvo.

What can one expect when making a sharp turn at 110 MPH? Well, Edward has the reflexes of a panther, so he never saw it coming somehow. Bella, of course, saw it coming the first time she stepped into Edward's car.

Edward walks out fine, Bella... does not. The car's down in a ravine, Bella's bleeding out, it is clear she is not going to survive this and Edward cannot get her to the hospital in time even with his speed.

Well, given this is Twilight, and given the shock of all of this and suddenness, Edward could very well black out and eat her. When Edward comes to, he's om nom noming on Bella's battered corpse.

Edward runs away to Italy to kill himself.

Say he doesn't though, Edward manages to hold his breath or else miraculously control himself. Bella's still bleeding out, and giving him this very dazed, expectant, look. From Bella's face, it's clear what she's thinking: Turn Me, You Dipshit.

However... I imagine if Bella can't say the words out loud, Edward while panicked and in terror of losing her, won't do it. He will not condemn her to vampirism without her explicit consent.

Let's say Bella gurgles out, "Turn me, Edward"

Well, things just got a whole lot harder. This is now Bella's dying wish, she's looking at him even as the light fades out of her eyes, and he can see the growing resignation and disappointment in them. Edward will have this image with him forever, the life, light, and love bleeding out of Bella and her undoubtedly final thoughts that Edward was never worthy of her.

Honestly? Toss a coin.

I could see it going either way.

Edward stalls so long, deliberating, that the time for action passes. Bella dies right in front of him. That, or he sees her life force flickering and before he can think about it he bites her (whether to eat her or turn her we'll never truly know) and then it's too late, it's done, he's turned her himself. (If, of course, he doesn't accidentally kill her in the process).

The Aftermath

If he turns her then Edward will forever be haunted by the guilt that he destroyed Bella Swan. He turned her into a monster, just as he feared, and has condemned her to this miserable existence where she becomes orphaned from everything she knew.

Edward in this situation breaks things off with Bella (very awkward as they're part of the same coven now), he can't handle the guilt of what he did to her or what she now is. He thinks about mercy killing her, but given it's his own damn fault, is probably very conflicted and feels unworthy of taking even this action. All of this just makes him the lowest of worms.

Bella is utterly devastated that Edward appears to no longer love her (just as she suspected) and tries desperately to assure him that she loves being a vampire. She's finally comfortable in her own skin. She certainly still loves him and more, even if she wasn't happy, she gave her consent and would never hold that against him.

Edward doesn't care.

Edward likely goes to Rio to try to wrap his head around everything and be miserable by himself. Alice and Jasper likely leave on Alice's journey of self-discovery (but mostly to just avoid the emotional turmoil of the Cullen household). Rosalie actively blames Bella for this and tells her so to her face, Esme is an utter wreck, and Carlisle's working triple overtime at the hospital. Bella is even more devastated, she's Yoko Ono breaking apart the Beatles.

Bella offers to leave the Cullens. If she leaves then everything will go back to normal, right?

Everyone protests. But everyone here is pretty much Esme and Carlisle. But mostly Carlisle. Esme tries to, but it's in between sobs, where she talks about how beautiful Bella and Edward were AND THEY CAN WORK IT OUT. Emmett would, but Rosalie views Bella as a home wrecker and he has to side with the wife. Which just leaves Carlisle trying to lamely insist this isn't her fault.

It isn't, but, well, things are very bad right now.

Carlisle likely sets up Bella with the Denali. This ends after a few weeks, Bella can't handle the lifestyle and being the ugly brunette sister. Bella likely becomes a nomad and catches up with the Cullens every few years or so.

The 'Cullens' of course, becoming smaller and smaller each consecutive visit as the coven utterly dissolves.

The last time Bella visits, it's just Carlisle. Esme ran off to support Edward in Rio, Alice and Jasper never came back, and Rosalie and Emmett are on their 23rd honey-moon.

And that's how Bella rejoins the Cullens (i.e. Carlisle).

It's very awkward.

[anya-grace]

Am I late for Smutty Saturday? But as they say, better late than Petra and Levi never fucking so here ya go 😛

A/N: My brain stopped functioning halfway through writing my succubus!Petra fic lol so here's Levi fucking Petra on top of the wall instead :)

I also don't have a title for this lmao. Wall sex? 50 Meters League on Top of the Sea (of titans)?

Summary: Petra and Levi. Sex. 🥰🥰🥰

It wasn't rare for them to be on night duty. It was one thing that the Corps has a limited number of soldiers, but there was also the fact that they, as the special operations squad, have the duty to learn more about their nemesis. And one way of knowing about them was to examine them up close in their most vulnerable state: at night when the sun is gone and their energy was at its lowest.

Petra didn't mind the extra work though. Even if she knew that the additional task at hand is going to take a toll on her training tomorrow, she certainly wouldn't trade anything for a private and intimate time with her Captain.

She stood next to him, watching the horizon as the orange full moon graced them with its light. She often compared the moon and the sun, and she realized that the heavenly body at night was far more beautiful than the giant ball of fire in the morning.

"Captain," she saluted, "You should take a rest. I can handle this by myself."

She admired the sharp features of the man as the light of the moon touched his skin. Petra breathed heavily when his eyes met hers, and she almost missed the way his mouth moved when he said that he was fine and that she needed the rest more than him.

After arguing that the Captain needed to rest than her, they agreed to take a break at the same time.

They were sitting on top of the wall. The wind was cold but kind, the gentle breeze swayed her hair and coat sideways and she sighed at the peaceful feeling of the night. 

"Do you want to sleep, Ral?" the Captain asked.

"No, sir." She exhaled at the tousled look of his black hair, "How about you, Sir? Do you want to?" 

"No," he said firmly.

Petra nodded and did not initiate any more conversation. Instead, she focused on this wonderful moment. She was mere inches away from her Captain, and although there were titans fifty meters below them, she still thought that this was perfect.

She secretly took a peek at the man beside her. His eyes were closed and his arms were crossed on his chest, highlighting his muscles. Petra felt her cheeks heating up and snapped her head in the opposite direction. She hugged her knees to her chest and buried her red face between them.

Stupid. Stupid. How can I have the energy to ogle my Captain when we're literally mere feet away from the titans?

She erased all thoughts of her Captain inside her head and sighed. This was going to be a long night…

***

Her eyes snapped open instantly, remembering where she was and what she was doing. She fell asleep while on night duty, and worse, on top of the wall. If she had made a wrong move while sleeping, then it would cost her her life and the Captain.

Speaking of the man, her heart beat faster as she snapped her head in his direction, and she felt a heavy weight resting on her right shoulder.

Breathing calmly, the Captain fell asleep on her shoulder. His hands were still crossed to his chest. The wind blew his hair to reveal his face, his eyebrows were knitted together and his lips slightly parted from each other.

She gave a thoughtful smile as she watched the sleeping man. Was it unprofessional to be in this position? Was it bad that she's obsessed with the way his chest rose and fell as he breathed? 

Frankly, she doesn't care. Petra wanted to savor this moment and drink every inch of detail that she could get in this proximity with her superior.

She was sure that the Corporal was more or less aware of her romantic feelings for him. On more than one occasion, Petra felt his longing stare at her when they were alone. She swore she could feel the frustration in him whenever she's close. And she knew, no matter how hard he tried to hide, that he was attracted to her too.

Her face heated up again for whoever knows how many times that night. 

Gathering her courage, she placed a chaste kiss on his forehead. The captain grunted but did not wake, but his head felt heavier on her shoulder.

The night was getting deeper, and the moon was covered with thick clouds that made the surroundings darker. The air was colder and more threatening. Her behind became too sensitive as the material of the wall became colder, and the long hour of sitting on top of the hard stone made it ache.

With the lack of anything to focus her mind on, her attention was again on Levi. His hands fell into his lap and his face was now buried on the crook of her neck instead of her shoulder. His breathing tickled her sensitive skin and she shuddered as her mind imagined things that will never happen.

Feeling a wet sensation on her neck, she felt the Captain trailing kisses and nipping on her skin. She gasped and instinctively moved away, leaving the Captain's head hanging on the air as his eyes pierced her.

Her hands traveled to her neck, the space between her legs getting wet as the realization hit her. 

"Captain...why did you– God, did you kiss me?" 

Placing a hand at the back of his neck and stretching it, Levi noted her flushed appearance. "Did you kiss me?" He asked back.

"I didn–" her eyes widened, remembering the way she kissed his forehead a while ago. 

"B-But it was different," she defended.

"How so?"

"Yours was sexual and–"

The captain stood in front of her, his shadow covered her face and body as his eyes gleamed in the darkness. "Mine was what?"

Her eyes did not leave his as he crouched down again in front of her. Something was hypnotizing in his eyes that Petra couldn't explain. She gulped as his face neared her.

"Mine was what?" he asked again, this time in front of her face, his breath fanning on her heated skin.

The sound of her heart beating was suddenly louder than it ever was. It reminded her of the stomps of the titan outside the walls, the tingling sound of the signal flares whenever it was fired when a titan was in sight, and the loud cracking of bones whenever someone was caught by a titan's hand.

She snapped the last thought away and focused on the man in front of her. Licking her lips, she closed her eyes as she pulled out courage from the deepest part of hers. 

And in a matter of seconds, Petra kissed her Captain.

The contact was chaste at first. Her lips felt his and they didn't move–not right away. Her lips lingered on his for a moment before she opened her mouth and started kissing him for real.

She moaned on his mouth as he gathered the hair at the back of her head, pressing her more to him. Petra did the same as her fingers gripped his hair, tilting his head slightly upwards to give her better access to his mouth.

She felt her back hitting the cold top of the wall. Petra shivered because of the clashing temperature. Cold on her back, and heat on her front.

Moving his hands to remove her coat, Levi looked down at the woman underneath him. His shadow loomed over her, but he could see the flush of red on her face and the lust shining on her orange irises.

"Do you want to do this, Petra?" His hands moved her coat from her body to underneath her, giving her a soft cushion from the hard surface.

She pulled his face on hers again and started kissing him. "Yes. Yes, I want this," she said breathily.

The fact that they were on top of the wall, the titans waiting for them to make a wrong move, and nothing shielding them from the prying eyes of whoever was still awake at this godly hour, doesn't seem to faze Petra. She opened her dress shirt and asked him to suck on her breasts.

Levi obliged and he heard her moan. The wind took her voice and disappeared through the night. He felt her warm hands removing his jacket and opening the buttons of his clothes.

Petra pressed him deeper on her chest. When they were alone, in training, or in his room, she always wanted to ask him to suck on her nipples. It was her favorite part of her own body: her breasts. And she wanted to see her Captain playing with it.

Panting, she switched their places. Levi tugged at her nipples as she moved, and the man groaned when he lost contact with her tit.

She straddled him as she worked on completely removing his clothes. Petra opened the button of his pants and groaned when she realized that the brown straps of their ODM gear were preventing her from fully stripping him off of his clothes.

Levi did the same with hers. He squeezed her breasts and palmed her clothed pussy. Petra moaned on top of him and ground her hips to his.

The hardness of the wall made it uncomfortable to stay aroused, but Petra was looking at him hungrily, her eyes never leaving his as she pulled his underwear down and his erection sprung free.

She marveled at his dick and the first and last thing on her mind right now was to be fucked by him. Damn the walls and the titans, damn the sleeping residents that may hear her moans, she wanted to feel free on top of this wall.

He removed her on top of him and ordered her to get on all-fours. Petra obliged, showing her still clothed ass to him. He unbuttoned her from the front and pulled her pants as much as the strapped harness allowed him. 

Petra shuddered as she felt the air on her exposed cunt, and she moaned when Levi licked her once, twice, thrice, to feel her wetness.

The sight of her made him lose his mind. She tasted divine, and she smelled godly. Levi stroked his dick before pushing inside of her.

The first contact made her knees weak, and her face almost hit the floor if it weren't for Levi grasping her tits to pull her closer to him. Their moans spurred into the air as Levi pumped into her harder. She could feel him grow more inside of her as her cunt clenched around him.

They fucked as the moon watched them. They fucked as one of the titans moved from one tree to the other, as if switching places to watch them clearer. The thought made Petra shiver. They were out and about someone out there must be watching them as her superior made love to her pussy. She leaned her head back and basked in the feeling.

Petra's ass bounced every time he pounded on her. He could feel her hardened nipples at the palm of his hands as he whispered on her ears how tight she was, how good her pussy felt around him, and how dirty she was letting her superior fucked her on top of the wall.

He could feel his orgasm coming through, Petra reached for her clit and he knew that she was close too. 

With a few more hard thrusts, Levi spent inside of her as Petra did the same. She fell on the floor with a soft thud, and she felt empty as Levi pulled out of her.

Laying beside her, Levi kissed Petra again on the mouth, then her cheeks, and her temples. Petra closed her eyes in appreciation.

While her sweat cooled in her skin, Petra realized what they had done and what consequences it might bring tomorrow, the week after, the month after, or in the longer future. 

She didn't want to spoil this wonderful moment. Petra opened her eyes and saw the moon peeking once again. And for the second time, she realized that indeed, it was more beautiful than the sun.

[kanri-tea]

TDD Time Travel

The TDD time travel back in time, but they're from 10 years in the future where the Chuuoku is defeated and they've all made up and get along now. Ichiro, Samatoki, Ramuda, and Jakurai are very confused, but hey, they're in the past, so why not do a bit... tweaking. Cue the chaos because the TDD are beyond giving a shit about anything anymore.

(I wrote this a while back and forgot about it. I thought it was funny, so here we are. It's just pure crack.)

Y'know that feeling when you know something's off, but you can't tell something's off, but it just bothers you in the back of your mind, constantly reminding you that something is wrong?

Yeah, well that's how Ramuda felt for all of ten minutes after waking up in an apartment that felt mildly different from the one that he fell asleep in before, but the old man could be petty sometimes, so who knows.

And then he looked in to the mirror and screamed. His reflection screamed alongside him, showing a much, much younger and very different face from the one he saw in the mirror the night before.

What the hell, he thought faintly, and right on cue, his phone (in a case he hadn't had in a long, loooong time) began to vibrate.

Ichiro's morning routine was pretty simple: wake up, brush his teeth, eat breakfast while checking his phone for any messages from his brothers or Rei, and then get ready for work.

Sure, it was kind of lonely sometimes, with Jiro choosing to move away several years back for a job opportunity and Saburo living away in dorms, but hey, at least Rei dropped by every once in a while and Samatoki, Ramuda, and Jakurai were still in Tokyo. Ichiro got his socialization whenever he could, but man, he really empathized with Kannonzaka now. Office jobs were exhausting.

So of course, when he is rudely woken up by the familiar, yet not-quite-so-familiar sounds of Jiro and Saburo's pre-puberty voices arguing, it takes Ichiro a moment to remember if he'd taken any drugs the night before.

As he watches the two from the staircase, he dazedly pinches himself, and yeah, that definitely hurt. So not a dream. As the reality of this strange situations finally starts to hit Ichiro (and an panic attack too, because what the frick is going on???), his phone begins to ring,

Jakurai was well-aware that he wasn't the most attentive person in the morning. Ramuda had more than enough pictures and videos of Jakurai's pre-caffeinated self to prove that.

… Well, Jakurai thinks to himself, this is new. It's embarrassing to admit it, but Jakurai hadn't noticed the switch at first. Maybe his first sign should've been the lack of a hangover or the quietness of his apartment. He'd gone through several hours of paperwork without noticing anything right up until Shishikai started yipping and growling like a particularly annoying puppy that Jakurai realized that, wait a minute, Shishikai got his license revoked nearly 8 years ago.

He spends a good couple of minutes zoned out while Shishikai rants about one thing or another before mumbling out some excuse and starts heading back to his office. If what he thinks has happened is true, then well, Ichiro, Samatoki, and Ramuda may have very well traveled back as well.

As his phone rings, Jakurai sighs again. Maybe Ramuda was right, he really was getting too old for this shit. Maybe he really should've drunk that 6th cup of coffee this morning. (If Jakurai ever saw the Rei he knew in the near future, he was going to kick that man's ass, nearly 60 or not. Hitoya did always say that their bad ideas almost always came from their drinking sessions.)

Samatoki takes one look at Jyuto's significantly younger face and slam's the door in the man's face. Nope. Hell no, whatever was going on, it was way too early to deal with any of this shit.

Even after forcibly being dragged into Jyuto's car via handcuffs, Samatoki stews in his thoughts. Whatever shitty dream this is, Samatoki wants to wake up now. Really, this time of his life may have been one of the highest of highs, but it was also one of the lowest of lows. Samatoki would really prefer to dream of other things.

It's not until he gets a hit of Rio's cooking that he finally comes to term with the fact that somehow, he's in the past. Man, no matter how many years it's been, Rio's cooking is always terrifying, Samatoki grimaces. Jyuto is silently dying besides him, as per usual.

As Samatoki contemplates if he's actually in hell or if Rio's cooking has finally caused him to hallucinate, his phone (which somehow miraculously still has signal for once) begins to ring.

The TDD start a group chat to complain about how stupid the past was.

Jakurai is a little bit less iffy about using his assassin skills in his old age and uses them to deal with some nuisances (Honobono, who? Lmao like fuck was Jakurai going to let anyone hurt his precious people ever again)

Ramuda starts a clone revolution and ropes Amayado in to helping. Well, more like gets Jakurai to get Amayado to help because they were sorta-friends in the future

Ichiro sort-of tries to get along with Rei, but it's a work in progress. He knows that Saburo got along pretty well with the man in the future, but man, Rei sure was a deadbeat dad (Ichiro spends a good while contemplating if he could wring out some child support money from the man)

Samatoki spends time chilling. He can't really rescue Nemu from the clutches of the Chuuoku without possibly hurting her because of the incomplete "perfect microphone"

The changes to their personalities, while miniscule, is more than enough to send their teammates reeling and confused

"You know, I spent like, a good five seconds thinking about it, but no thanks!" Ramuda tells the Chuuoku when they order him to try to mind control Jakurai. "Y'all are kinda stupid though, trying to fuck over that old man, he's sooo vicious, y'know?"

"Sit your fucking ass down, you stupid clown," Samatoki tells Sasara the next time he sees him, "the shits I currently give are nonexistent and if you wanna fight, Ichiro said he'd fight you in my place. What a brat."

"I kinda hate you and you owe me like, 15 years worth of child support," Ichiro informs Rei, "but I'm pretty sure you'd get along with Saburo like a house on fire and that's the only reason I'm not going to stab you. (Don't set a house on fire like you guys did in the future. PLEASE)"

"Ah, yes. Of course I desire to work with you after you tell a clone of my former (and future current) partner to essentially kill himself and then proceed to threaten my son in all but blood," Jakurai deadpans, "I appreciate your interest in my abilities, but please do kindly fuck off."

[ssa-babygirl]

Out of my League [Part 5]

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Single mom!Reader

Word count: 4.1k

Summary: A night out with the team leaves you and Spencer with so much unsaid, despite how much he spills to you while you’re drunk and half asleep. 

Warning(s): Mentions of past addiction, alcohol consumption, some swear words, mentions of past bullying, EXTREME PINING

Author’s Note: I told yall this chapter wouldn’t take 10 years. just like... a week and a half. I promise I’ll do better lmao also enjoy the fluff cuz uh,, yall are gonna hate me next chapter oops

[Previous Part] [Series Masterlist]

Washington D.C., 2009

(Reader POV)

Rossi’s dinner party would not be the last time Spencer had to drive your drunk ass home. It happened two or three in the two years since that night. Dave meant it when he said you were one of them. Whenever they went out for drinks after a case, you would get a text from one of the girls asking if you wanted to come. Your mom living a few blocks away from you was helpful because you just needed to drop Jamie off and head over to O’Keefe’s. You very rarely went overboard because you normally had to drive home, but tonight was not one of those nights.

The team had just gotten back from a local case in Bethesda, so Emily offered to pick you up on her way back. Hotch gave them all the rest of the night off after they made the arrest, but Spencer, always the workaholic, still wanted to finish up his paperwork before going out. 

Your mom came to get Jamie and take him back to her house, so you were free to get all dressed up for a night on the town with your friends. You didn’t want to look too formal since most of them were still going to be in their work clothes, so you got out a cute green button-down blouse and tucked it into some high-waisted jeans. You put on your favorite locket and let your hair down. You went with a light makeup look, just brows, cheeks, and lashes. You were all set by the time Emily pulled up in front of your place. You strapped up your wedges and grabbed your purse, heading out the door, excited to see everyone after they’d been so busy.

“Hey! You look nice!”

“And you’re not so bad for fresh off a crime scene.”

“Should’ve seen me catch the guy, I looked amazing.”

“I’m sure you did, Em.”

Emily told you about the case, or rather just the ending. You only liked to hear her stories when they had happy endings. This one was pleasant enough, but you had a feeling that she was leaving some details out since it was apparently so bad that even Spencer would be tagging along for drinks.

When you got to the bar, Derek and Penelope were already sitting at a booth in the back with Aaron and Dave. Penelope hopped up from her seat to give you a hug as soon as you approached the table. 

“Hey, there she is,” Morgan smiled over his beer.

“Reid’s not driving tonight?” Aaron asked.

“He texted me, he’s on his way, he wanted to finish his paperwork back at the precinct.” 

“So what I’m hearing is you finally have time to tell us stories about Reid in high school,” Dave said with a smirk.

“No, come on, he’ll kill me,” you settled into the booth.

Emily snorted, “I’d be surprised if he even found it in him to be mad at you.”

“Oh, it’s happened before.” Your face scrunched up at the memory of what happened that day on the football field.

“Really?” Penelope seemed shocked.

“Yeah I’d… Rather not talk about it.” You didn’t know if Spencer had told the team about the Alexa Lisbon incident, so you didn’t want to talk about how he had been so angry with you for babying him. 

“Oh, come on, the kid was in love with you,” Derek prodded, “What’d you do?”

You elected to ignore his comment, “No, it was just stupid.” You could still talk about Kyle, though. The team knew the story of how you’d met Spencer, they just didn’t know about how upset he was when he found out you got back together with Kyle just a few months after you dumped him.

“We love hearing about the stupid things you did!” Garcia squealed.

You stared at the table and fiddled with a napkin to avoid eye contact as you said, “I dated one of his bullies.”

Dave was the first to break the silence, “But Reid said you broke up with him when you found out.”

You bit your lip and hesitated before owning up to it, “Did he tell you that Kyle is Jamie’s dad?”

Emily gasped, “No way!”

“We barely spoke outside of tutoring after that between him being scared of Kyle and basketball season. We were both busy with our teams.”

“Reid played basketball?” Aaron asked, amused.

“He was the coach.” You managed to crack a slight smile, “Budget cuts. But, hey, it was for the best, that was our best season in years.”

“Hard to believe he could focus on strategy with you cheering from the sidelines.” Derek wiggled his eyebrows and took another sip of his beer.

You were quick to change the subject, “So is JJ coming?”

Emily shook her head, “She went home after the case cuz she missed Henry.”

“Oh that boy is the sweetest little thing, I miss when Jamie was that little.”

Aaron sipped his whiskey, “How old is he again?”

“Ten. I’m old, don’t remind me, it’s fucking me up.”

“Ah! Language, bella.”

“Sorry Dave. But speaking of getting effed up, I’ll go get the next round.” You stood and took everyone’s drink orders: Dave and Aaron were sharing an expensive bottle that Dave had already paid for, Emily wanted a martini, Derek just asked for another beer, while Penelope ordered the most elaborate cocktail on the menu, but luckily it was her usual, so you had it pretty much memorized by now. 

You strolled up to the bar and gave the bartender the order, which he got right on. He started with giving you Derek’s beer, then Em’s martini, then your rum and coke, before getting to work on Penelope’s ridiculously fruity drink. An older man stalked into your field of view with a beer in his hand, grinning dumbly. 

“What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

You snorted, “Has that line ever worked?”

“Truth be told, I’ve never used it.”

“Well you don’t have a great success rate right now, bud.” You looked over the man’s shoulder and made eye contact with Penelope, who turned to Derek and gave him a heads up.

“Well let me buy you a drink, maybe it’ll work better the second time around.”

“Oh, no, thank y—”

“No, come on, what’s one drink?”

You grabbed the tray with everyone’s drinks and started to pass him, “I should really get back to my friends.”

“Hey, I won’t keep you long,” He caught you by the arm and the last thing you saw before he turned you to face him again was Penelope leaping up from her seat to let Derek through, “what are you drinking?”

“Babygirl, how long does a beer take?” Derek stepped up behind you and placed a delicate hand on the small of your back, “This guy bothering you, doll?”

The man dropped his hand from your arm, “We were just talking.”

“Really? ‘Cuz to me it seems like you were trying to put the moves on my girl.”

“Babe, it’s fine,” you caught on quickly, placing a hand on Derek’s chest to keep up the ruse of holding him back, “I’m just waiting for Pen’s drink.”

“Get the hell out of here, man.” Derek glares and the other man leaves reluctantly. “You okay?”

You nodded, “Thank you.”

“Hey, no problem, sweetheart.” He withdrew his hand from the small of your back, “Wouldn’t want Pretty Boy to get jealous.”

You felt your face heat up as your eyebrows knit together, feigning confusion.

“Oh, come on, Y/N, you can’t seriously tell me you don’t see it.”

You played dumb, “See what?”

He sips his beer, “You don’t need to be a profiler to see the way he looks at you, Y/N.”

“Oh, god, first my mother, now you too?”

“I’m serious, I’ve only seen him like this one other time.”

“When?”

“On a case a few years ago. There was this actress we were helping out, Lila Archer.”

“Lila Archer? The Lila Archer?”

“Yeah, she had a little crush on Reid for a bit. They made out once.”

“They what?”

He laughed, “What’re ya jealous?”

“No!” Maybe? “It just seems so unprofessional, I wouldn’t have pegged him for a guy who would--”

“Hook up with a movie star? Yeah, I didn’t think so either. It didn’t work out with them, obviously, he said she only felt that way about him because he saved her life.”

“What does this have to do with me?”

“Ever thought about how you protecting him his whole life may have had a similar effect?”

“Showing him basic human decency didn’t make him fall in love with me, Derek.”

“No, but saving his life did.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think that’s more of a question for Pretty Boy himself.” Derek nodded his chin over your shoulder. You followed his gaze and saw Spencer coming up behind you, grinning as he neared the bar.

“Hey.”

“Hey, haircut! Lookin’ good!” Your fingers laced through his shaggy locks and messed up his new boy band-esque style.

 A faint blush spread across his cheeks as he fixed his hair, “T-Thanks.”

“When you lovebirds feel like talking to the rest of us, I’ll be at the table with the rest of the team.”

You roll your eyes and turn back to the lanky boy next to you, “Lemme buy you a drink, Spence.” 

“Oh, no thank you. I’m driving. And also did you know--”

“You can just say you don’t want it.”

“No, I do. That’s the problem.”

Your face contorted with confusion until it suddenly clicked, “Oh… Has that ever been a problem for you before?”

“Not anymore, and not alcohol, but yeah.”

“Wait, Spence, why didn’t you tell me? I-I’m not mad, it’s your choice, obviously, but I could have helped.”

“You did.”

“I did?”

“Remember that one time I was too sick to talk on our Saturday call?”

“Yeah?”

“I had just gotten back from a case in New Orleans. Remember Ethan from school?”

You nodded, holding onto every word.

“He’s in a jazz band down there now. He talked me into getting help. When you called, I was at the lowest point of withdrawals, shaking so hard I couldn’t sleep, and completely alone. I almost didn’t pick up, but I knew you wouldn’t accept that,” he laughed nervously, “and when I heard your voice…”

He trailed off, finally meeting your eyes.

“When I said I wasn’t feeling well, you said ‘I’m putting Jamie down for the night, wanna hear his bedtime story?’”

You both found yourselves smiling slightly at the memory. 

“Not once, during any book I’ve read, had I fallen asleep so easily as I did when you read me The Very Hungry Caterpillar.”

He took a deep breath, almost shuddering, “It was the first time I slept without nightmares since Tobias Hankle.”

You remembered that name. He’d come up in conversations from time to time but you never heard anything about his case. He was always a touchy subject for the team, and now you knew why.

“How long ago was this?”

“Almost three years ago.” He didn’t even have to think about it.

“Spence, you could have told me. You can tell me anything.”

“Anything?” He gulped.

You reached for his hand on the bar and felt it tense under your touch. You’d think after how long you’d known him his touch aversion wouldn’t be an issue with you anymore, but apparently not. Feeling your cheeks heat up, you withdrew your hand as if you burnt your hand on a hot stove and let out an awkward scoff, turning away to look back at your friends, who tried and failed miserably at making it look like they weren’t watching you and Spencer. 

“We should…”

“Yeah… w-we should.” Spencer passed you and sat down next to Derek in the booth, leaving you in your usual spot next to Emily with your first of many drinks that night.

            3 Hours Later

(Spencer’s POV)

I helped her into my car and buckled her up after she couldn’t find the seatbelt. When I got into the driver’s seat, I glanced at her to see if she was still conscious, only to see her dopey smile directed at me.

“What?” I laughed nervously.

“Nothing,” she slurred, dragging out the ‘ing’ and turning her head towards the window.

“You okay?”

She nodded and leaned her head against the glass as I pulled out of the parking lot. She was quiet for the most part during the drive, so I assumed she was asleep, so imagine my shock when she piped up as soon as I parked in front of her place.

“Can you walk me in?” she asked as if I could say no to her.

“Of course.” I was going to regardless. I helped her out of the car and she stood on wobbly legs. She groaned and looked at her feet. 

“Hold this.” She shoved her purse into my arms and placed a hand on my shoulder and hopped up to take off one of her heels, tossing it onto her seat before repeating her actions on her other shoe. She grabbed the pair and marched up the path to her front door. I trailed close behind, just in case she stumbled, which she did. 

She fumbled for her key when she suddenly remembered that I had her purse. I dug through the pockets and fished it out, tossing it to her once I got close enough. She instantly giggled as soon as I met her eyes.

“What’s so funny now?”

“Nothing, Spence,” she failed to stifle a smile as she tried to open the door, “You have nothing to worry about.”

I stepped in beside her, “Well you’ve been awfully quiet since we left and now you’re laughing at me!”

“I’m just thinking!”

“That can’t be good,” I joked, prompting her to lightly slap my arm, “Kidding! What are you thinking about?”

“Don’t worry about it!”

“No, now I’m curious!”

“Just something stupid Derek said before you came tonight.”

“Oh jeez, now I have to know.” She climbed up the staircase and down the hallway in front of her bedroom. She twisted the knob and pushed open the door. I stepped in after her and placed her purse down on the dresser. She flopped down on the bed, shuffling under the covers, not even bothering to change out of the clothes she wore to the bar. I grinned down at her. She looked like an angel snuggled up in the sheets.

“Comfy?”

“Very.”

“Good. Call me if you need anything, Y/N,” I started to walk towards the door.

“Did you have a crush on me in high school?”

I paused.

“W-Where’d you get that from?” Nice job, genius, that doesn’t sound guilty at all.

“That’s what Derek said.” She was now sitting up in bed.

Okay, but how did he know that?

“How did this come up exactly?”

She explained how the team was trying to get her to tell them embarrassing stories about me as a kid (sidenote: not cool, guys) and my dear old friend Kyle came up. She said that Morgan brought up transference, where a person experiences something traumatic and associates their “hero” with safety and feelings of relief after being helped.

“He said one girl you helped in a case had feelings for you and the way you explained transference to Derek sounded like you were speaking from experience.”

Great. This is what I get for only having friends on the team. My best guy friend is also a profiler who can read me like a book. Awesome.

I let out a deep sigh and sat down in the chair next to her bed, “I was.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“Yeah. Because that’s where it all started for me. A pretty girl told off one of my bullies and showed me basic human decency--”

“Aw, Spence, you thought I was pretty?” She teased, eliciting a chuckle from me.

“Of course I did. Y/N, you were the head cheerleader that came to me for help with chemistry and tousled my hair and bought me McDonald’s whenever our study sessions ran late. To twelve-year-old Spencer you were this perfect, unattainable princess--”

“Princess?” She giggled and it was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard, “I like that.”

“Yep.” I laughed with her, “A princess who lived in a beautiful castle with posters on the walls and sparkly beads on the curtains and Doctor Who playing on the TV and a mom that always invited me to stay for dinner and I’m rambling again but that’s perfectly fine with you because you actually cared about what I had to say, especially when I would talk about Shakespeare because A Midsummer Night’s Dream was your favorite assigned reading and--” I stopped myself before it slipped out. 

I love you. I’ve said it a million times to her in a million different ways but I knew at that moment that if I said the actual words that I wouldn’t be able to take them back, not that I would ever want to, I just want her to be present when I told her the first time. If I said it now it would be the first time she’d hear it from me and she wouldn’t even remember it when she woke up.

“And what?” She still smiled at me so brightly that the dimly lit room was lit up by the gleam in her eyes.

I smiled back, “You’re my best friend.”

Her grin somehow grew wider, her eyes scrunching up, but the sparkle was still there, “You’re my best friend too.”

If I hadn’t already decided against it, I would have said it then. I would have repeated those words over and over again until the words lost all meaning, only they never would because they felt like they meant the world to me. But I wouldn’t let myself start. Instead, I just looked at her like she was the moon and stars and all the space in between and said, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Spence, wait,” she murmured, further burying herself in her covers.

“What now?” I whined, the smile still present on my face.

“I think you’re pretty too.” 

It had never been harder for me to resist the urge to kiss her than in that moment. Every fiber of my being screamed to sit back down, lean over her pillow, take her face in my hands, and crash my lips to hers. And for a split second, I thought I would. I almost did. I almost gave myself everything I had ever wanted for sixteen years, four months, and eleven days, but I couldn’t.

“And I think you’re drunk.”

“Spencer Reid!” She squealed, “Just cuz I’m drunk does not mean that you aren’t pretty!”

“Oh really?”

“Yep! ‘Cuz guess what, genius?”

“What?”

“I think you’re pretty when I’m sober, too.”

If I didn’t know any better I’d say she was trying to drive me insane. And you know what?

It was working.

While I was lost in my thoughts, no doubt staring at her, she let out a tiny yawn and snuggled deeper into her pillow. A piece of hair fell in front of her eyes, hooded yet still shining. I brushed the hair out of her face and told her to get some rest.

“Good idea. I’m sleepy,” she dragged out the e and yawned again, “Goodnight, Pretty Boy.”

“Goodnight, princess.” I chuckled softly. My fingers still lingered just behind her ear, so I stroked her hair once more and pressed a small kiss to her forehead once I was sure she was asleep. Her cheeks twitched in a barely conscious smile, making me grateful for my eidetic memory again. I went to the kitchen and took a glass from the cabinet, filling it up in the sink and placing it on the nightstand with some aspirin.

I took a sheet of some stationery and scrawled out a note for her in the morning:

Make sure you stay hydrated. There’s more aspirin in your cabinet but wait a few hours to take it. Call me if you need anything. -S.R.

            The Next Morning

(Reader’s POV)

The coffee machine made too much noise. Your head was pounding despite the fact you took an aspirin a few minutes ago. Now you played the waiting game, hoping it would kick in soon. When the pot was finally done, you poured yourself a cup, hoping it would help wake you up. You normally wouldn’t drink coffee this late, but you needed it. Just as you took your first sip, your mom came through the front door with Jamie in tow carrying his pajamas in a shopping bag. He said good morning to you and ran upstairs to his room.

“Did you just wake up?” 

“Yes.”

“Y/N, it’s almost noon.” You could hear the judgment in her voice.

You took a sip of coffee, “It’s 11:05.”

“I take it you had fun at O’Keefe’s last night?”

“Yeah,” you grumbled, rubbing your eyes.

“How’d you get home?”

“Spence drove me.”

Her eyes widened, excited. She lowered her voice to ask, “Is he still here?”

“Mom!” You whisper-yelled.

“I was just checking!”

“No, he’s not, he dropped me off and went home.” You decided to leave out the whole “putting you to bed” part.

“How’s your hangover?”

“Better with aspirin.”

“Have you been drinking water?”

“A little,” you lied.

“No more coffee until you finish a glass.” She took your mug and dumped its contents down the drain.

“Wh—” You start, “Mom, I’m not a kid.”

“Just drink your damn water.”

“Jesus,” you groan, still making your way to the stairs and heading up to your room, where your water had been put on your nightstand the night before. Under the glass was a note that you didn’t notice when you first woke up. You recognized the chicken scratch handwriting immediately: Spencer.

“Make sure you stay hydrated. There’s more aspirin in your cabinet but wait a few hours to take it. Call me if you need anything. -S.R.”

You smiled as you read the words over and over. You put the note down and took a sip from the glass. You reached over to your phone on the nightstand and dialed his number. It rang twice before Spencer’s voice crackled over the speaker, “Hey, how’re you feeling?”

“Better, thank you.”

“Of course. Did you drink the water I gave you last night?”

“Some of it.”

“Good, did you eat?”

“No.”

“I’m going on my lunch break in a bit, wanna meet up?”

Your heart fluttered at the offer, a small grin tugging at your lips. You nodded, unable to find words enthusiastic enough to express how much you’d like that, before settling on “Yeah! Sounds good!”

“Perfect! There’s a new thai place downtown I’ve been meaning to check out, how about there?”

“Sure! I’ll meet you at Quantico?”

“See you then!”

“Bye,” you all but sighed into the receiver before snapping out of it. You always tried to keep that part of you beneath the surface, but it wasn’t as easy as it used to be. You didn’t remember much from last night, but you did remember calling him pretty boy and making him blush. You remember him tucking you in and calling you princess and brushing your hair out of your eyes. You remembered how your chest swelled with light as he pressed his lips to your forehead, and the soft chuckle he let out seeing you smile against your pillow. 

You hopped in the shower and got dressed, fixing yourself just enough to pass for a functioning adult who did not get sloppy drunk in front of her best friend’s coworkers last night. You told your mom you were going out for lunch, and she happily agreed to babysit for a few hours while you were with Spencer. 

“Have fun on your date!”

“Not a date!” You almost couldn’t tell who you were talking to, her or you.

You got to Quantico about a half-hour later and were met by Dave in the bullpen.

“Oh, look who’s joined the land of the living!”

“Oh, come on, I wasn’t that bad last night. I could have been Penelope.”

“That is true, bella, but it was still a Thursday,” Dave chuckled, “The kid’s in Aaron’s office, he’ll be out in a sec.”

“Thank you,” you said and walked over to Spencer’s desk, sitting down in his chair and making small talk with Emily while you waited. A few minutes later, you saw him walk out of the office, eyes immediately landing on you.

Taglist~~~

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[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Hello! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfy but I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice? From your recent posts, you said you left your home from toxicity and just bad things in general.

I’m in a similar situation, but my dad will be taking me away from my mom. And I just know it’ll be a shit show. And I’m absolutely terrified when we tell her and what the backlash will be afterwards towards my brothers and me and dad in general

How did you do it? How did you take the leap? Do you possibly have any advice on how to deal ?

Hello, friend!! ☀️

Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot that you value my advice <3

Hmm, okay from what I can tell of your situation, that is indeed a tricky one, but nothing can’t be overcome!

It’s important to remember, though, I was 19 when I left (now 20), so the way I handled things is going to be a lot different than how a minor can handle things (legally at least, feel free to replicate my insane stunts lmao)

Advice below the cut! (family violence trigger warning, I suppose?)

My entire family was and is extremely volatile, and I don’t speak to any of them anymore except for my older brother, but I’ll be cutting him off in 3 weeks too when I move.

Fortunately, my dad and brother were both kicked out of the house years ago due to violence, which left me with my mother, who’s quite insidious herself (just watch any Conjuring movie and that’ll give a good idea of what it was like living in that house lol)

I get the same feeling watching this scene as when I was around her in that house. Granted she didn’t try to change my gender, but the hatred for my father getting taken out on me is pretty accurate lol, paired with the immediate “motherly love” afterwards (she never hit me though, pleased to say — she wasn’t physically violent, just emotionally, financially, mentally and verbally. She did try to run my dad over once though, so, there’s that too)

Yikes…yeahh the same eerie feeling for sure, still makes all my hairs stand upright in memory.

(For further context this clip reminds me of my father and this one of my brother)

In the clip about my father, he definitely reminds me of Frank Gallagher, except he despises my mother instead of revering her. He’s a workaholic instead of a drug addict, too. But the mannerisms are the same. I always handled him in the way Fiona does.

Regarding my brother, I think everything about our family hit him the hardest, despite being the oldest. He developed a very violent streak, and has very poor impulse control. I love him dearly but he’s a snake in the grass, and has thrown me under the bus multiple times to get ahead in life. I mostly just pity him, since I know what our life was like growing up. But still, I can’t defend him forever, especially not at the cost of myself. Literally yesterday I woke up to a text from him asking me to come pick him up because he got arrested for starting a fight at a bar and smashing their windows.

When things started getting pretty bad with my mother earlier this year, I started to realise in my heart that there was no way I could go forth in life with her in it. I focused on the future relationships I would have one day when far away from this town — romantic partner, children, friends etc

I sort of realised one day I’d care about them a lot more than I care about my mother, because those future people would care about me. That in turn got me realising that I do deserve love, despite how my mother made me feel, and that I don’t want her to deprive another second of that in my life.

Something very unique that triggered this too was going to go visit an old family psychic, who’s basically just the Gandalf to my Frodo (ily, Chris <3). He very accurately predicted my birth years ago after my mother was told she was infertile — he got the date, year and time right three years in advance, and even knew ahead of time what my personality would be like, which he was spot-on about.

Well, I went and visited him a few months ago because I was lost with my direction, and he ended up pausing and had a sudden feeling, which led to him telling me that he’d just found out I would be having twin boys one day.

Normally I don’t buy into that stuff, but this Gandalf dude…well I knew he was right.

Knowing I’d have sons of my own one day took me from a scared daughter mindset and into a maternal mother bear in an instant, and I knew I didn’t want any children of mine around my mother or the rest of my family, for their safety alone, which made me realise, “Well, if I wouldn’t allow my own children near them, why do I allow myself?”

I started grey-rocking her in the lead-up to me leaving, which of course frustrated her (she’s a malignant narcissist), but it was a necessary step to start emotionally detaching myself from her.

It all bottled over one night after a pretty distressing argument (I had locked myself in my room to avoid it, but she was still at my door carrying on).

My cat, who’s been my best friend for years, was sitting on the floor next to me, and sort of looked up and I swear he spoke with his eyes, saying, “You know we can’t keep doing this, right? You know this abuse has an expiry date?”

I agreed with my cat and knew right then and there that I’d be leaving that night after my mother fell asleep.

Well, when she was finally done (with threats that there’d be more in stock in the morning, mind you) I went to bed early and set my alarm to 3am (was a little inside joke with myself, since that’s biblically the “witching devil hour”)

I started quietly packing my quilt and cat up (I’d already been secretly packing the boot of my car up with all sentimental and important items weeks in advance, except she caught on and took all my baby albums and more to her boyfriend’s house, so I don’t have any baby photos or information on me when I was a baby anymore, like first words, size and just general things I’d have liked to compare to my own kids one day, rip)

Once that was all in my car, I quietly said goodbye to the old family dog and cat (they weren’t mine to take, not that I could’ve anyways, since it was troubling enough taking Buddy, who’s actually my pet and not the family one). That was pretty heartbreaking, as I knew that’d be the last time I’d see them (I grew up with them and was the only one who took care of them — mother neglects kids and pets alike lmao).

Once that was over, I looked around my house with my hand on the front door and was very melancholy, but knew Buddy was right: it had all reached its expiry date.

I left very quietly and drove to McDonalds for a coffee, as I had a long drive ahead (I had organised to be a nanny in this rich family’s house far away in the city — two hours drive). Luckily they were away on their country farm 4 hours away, so I had time to sneak Buddy in.

The nanny thing recently backfired horribly because they discovered Buddy, which led to more AM escapes with my car, but I’m staying with my older brother and his gf for 3 more weeks only. Something I’ve been working towards for months now is moving to a wilderness island to live in my country’s equivalent of Bag End — a beautiful country cottage, amazing job and fantastic study opportunities.

Best feature yet: it’s 60 hours away from my hometown by car, and then you’d have to take a boat for 10 more hours!! They shall never find me hahaha

One of my friends has also told me recently that my mother has started spreading horrible, defamatory rumours about me around town, but I don’t care anymore because I’m almost out.

So, although I can’t offer any practical advice (idk if you’re a minor or not, but regardless it’s great your dad is helping you!) this is the best advice I can offer:

Find a dream and hold onto it, one that doesn’t involve your immediate family. For me it’s moving to that island and enjoying all the fresh air. It’ll push you forwards and remind you of what you’re fighting for when at your lowest.

Remind yourself there will be other people in your life, whether a spouse, friends, children or even a dog! (I’m getting a golden retriever next year 🐾) And then remember that you deserve all of them and the unconditional love they offer you.

Remember that if you don’t want your mother/family screwing those people over by proxy of her/their relationship to you, then there’s no way in hell you alone should put up with it either, as I guarantee those future people only want good things for you ☀️

There is a good life after abuse, I’ve seen it, and I know you can achieve it, too!

Be prepared for tons of backlash and bullshit — it’s inescapable when dealing with people like this, but I recommend educating yourself on narcissistic parents and tactics to deal with them.

Finding a good therapist who deals in PTSD regarding childhood abuse is important, too. I found an amazing one in the town I’m moving to, who had nearly the same upbringing as me!

So while I’m still struggling with a lot of fear (scared my mother will find where I’m working and living one day) and guilt (I feel horrible about leaving the family dog and cat behind, especially when they need veterinary help, only to then go and get myself another puppy) I understand I’ve done the best I can in a very abnormal situation, and that I can only do better from here.

Also, this song has been a saving grace when going all angsty over wanting to leave your current situation:

It’s from my favourite Broadway Musical, “Newsies”, and lemme tell you — discovering this as a 17-year-old when I was just starting to realise the severity of my situation was pure divinity.

Jeremy Jordan, my beloved Broadway Bard <3

When I finally get my cottage, I’m getting a wooden plaque with the name “Santa Fe” engraved on it, and am hanging it on my front door.

I wish you much luck and love, my little anonymous friend! And please know my inbox is open any time you need anything — vent, advice, a laugh or something else, ANYTHING, it feels good to know my past can maybe help someone else’s present ☀️

Please update me, too! I’m following your story along ardently now! (Also, be sure to take your sentimental items and store them somewhere safe away from your mother — ie baby albums, birth certificates, other paraphernalia/memorabilia etc).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hit the road. DESTINY AWAITS!