#when i started it i really didnt expect it to hit so close to home

[rainychaoloveshack]

ﾟ ⋆ ﾟ ☂︎ ⋆ ﾟ 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝.

you and sonic cuddle up in a flower field.

A SIDE • B SIDE

☂︎ wc. 750

☂︎ a/n. sorry for the all lowercase, i didnt care too much to capitalize while writing (wont happen again, i promise!) im a little rusty when it comes to writing for sonic, sorry if they’re ooc

“oh, hey! hey!” your head switches itself out of its meditative state at the sudden calling of your name. an extremely enthusiastic voice chirps out from above you, and you feel their shadow enveloping your body, hiding you away from the moonlight. “‘didn’t expect to see you here!” instinct tells you to rip open your vision to see your new visitor, but you brush off that instinct with a small smile. “what’re you doing out so late, huh?” you could say the same thing for him, but a twinge of giddiness hits your heart at the thought of him taking the time to go look for you. your mouth stays shut despite your fluttering thoughts.

the flower petals you lay on brush past your cheeks, ripped off by the light breeze as they flow right past you. it’s not hard at all to guess who's speaking to you, so you keep your eyes closed, but greet him anyway.

ever so cheerful, he is. you never get sick of it, for even a moment.

“i was wondering where you were. what, you don’t feel like coming home yet?” his gloved hand pokes into your cheek, snickering as your brows furrow at the interruption of your daydream. unbeknownst to you, he’s admiring you. every little feature. from your eyes, to your nose, your lips, and back up again to go over things he might’ve missed. but he’ll never tell you that.

“are you feelin’ lonely?” it must be him coming up with excuses to spend time with you, definitely. “want some company?” and he knows deep down that's not the exact question he wants to ask. his hearts telling him to ask something else, something more intimate.

“can i stay with you, just like this?” yes, that sounds right; what he really wants to tell you. but his lips stay sealed as he waits for your answer, foot tapping impatiently on the flower-filled ground, yet his pace slows once he realizes that he could be trampling more flowers than he’d like.

your lips part to utter words of agreement to his question, but before you can even vocalize it, his weights already pushed up against you, laughing without a care in the world at your unpleasant reaction to his sudden showcase of affection. your eyes flicker open to cast your gaze on him, and he meets it rather quickly, looking into your eyes with a smile that spreads from cheek to cheek. after a few seconds of silence, his expression softens itself, and you bring your hand to press on his lower back, bringing him closer to the point of his chest pressing against your side. he seems to settle into your touch well.

“hey, come on.” sonic’s demeanor softens as he snuggles against you, “i came over to bring you home. you know that, right?” his tails wagging, unable to hide the pure joy he feels in your presence. “but if you wanna stay outside so bad…” he lets in a huff of air, sighing softly against your neck. his warm breath sends shivers up your spine, forcing an involuntary flinch out of you. he grins cheekily at the sight, enjoying your flustered smile.

sonic rises to his knees, his hand reaching over to press on your waist as he gazes down at the sight of you enveloped in flowers. “hey-” he starts, but stops himself once he realizes how beautiful you really do look, not that he had any doubt. but the mere sight makes him feel dizzy. he clears his throat before trying again.

“hey, remember the first time i brought you here?” he says. “pretty romantic, huh?” his eyes seem to twinkle even in the dead of night, his spirit still set alight even if everything else is shrouded in darkness.

that’s the sonic you fell in love with.

his smile slowly drops as the silence permeates between you two, confused at your wordless gaze into his features. his ear flicks as he waits for a response, but all you do is nod to keep the silence. through mutual adoration, you both stay like that for a while. there's practically love in the air.

“are you challenging me to a staring contest?” he chirps, and the romance between you two dies out instantly with the sounds of your shared laughter, a melody perfectly crafted by the both of you, mixing with one another's perfectly. even the smallest of moments with him feel so huge, a shared scrapbook of sweet affection and love stuck in both of your heads.

something you wouldn’t trade for the world.

[chrisstvrns]

𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞: 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 | 𝐜.𝐬.

warnings: unresolved angst, secret pregnancy, breakup, abandonment, decision of being a single mother, please let me know if i missed anything! 

word count: 3,333

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six

oh, you were so excited. since you were a little girl you dreamed of being a mother. and when you started dating chris six years ago, you knew you wanted him to be there with you. you wanted to grow old with him, raise kids with him and watch your grandchildren grow up.

and now here you were, standing on the front porch of chris’ childhood home in boston, barely standing still as you anxiously yet excitedly fiddle with your rings. buried deep in your spacecamp wellness tote bag was the biggest secret, that in this moment, nobody besides you and God knew of. 

you had texted chris, telling him that you needed to talk. within seconds, he answered, agreeing with you. you didnt know what he needed to talk about, but you had to tell him. 

you knock on the door, the door immediately being opened by chris, who had a serious look on his face. you reach for his hands, gently taking them in yours. 

he gives you a weak smile, pulling you close as he kisses your forehead, leading you inside. you walk into the living room, flashing nick and matt a quickly smile as they hurry out of the room, odd looks on their faces as they leave you and chris alone to talk in the now quiet house, since his parents had gone out. 

“okay, so. i need to tell you something.” you reach for chris, who ignores your reaching arms, sitting next to you, a bit of a distance between you as he buries his face in his hands. 

you knew how he was. when chris got like this—quiet, tense, distant—it meant something was weighing heavy on his heart. something he’d been thinking about for a long time, probably rehearsing how to say it in his mind for days, if not weeks. your chest tightened as you watched him, his elbows propped on his knees, fingers threading through his hair like he was trying to steady himself.  

"chris?" your voice came out softer than you expected, your excitement from moments ago quickly being replaced by a gnawing pit of dread. you reached out again, but he didn't look at you. his silence said more than words ever could.  

he sighed, dropping his hands and finally meeting your eyes, and that look—God, that look—hit you like a punch to the stomach. his eyes, usually so warm and full of love, were clouded with guilt and something else you couldn’t quite place. regret, maybe.  

"i—" he started, then stopped, his jaw tightening. "i don’t even know how to say this." his voice cracked on the last word, and you could feel the tears welling up in your own eyes, unbidden, your throat tightening in response.  

"chris, just say it. whatever it is, we can figure it out, okay?" you tried to sound steady, but your voice wavered, betraying the panic clawing at your chest.  

he shook his head, leaning back and running his hands through his hair again. "i don’t think we can figure this out. that’s the thing," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.  

your stomach dropped.  

"what... what are you talking about?" you asked, even though you already knew. you needed him to say it, to rip the band-aid off, even if it would tear you apart.  

he looked at you then, really looked at you, and the pain in his eyes was almost unbearable. "i can’t do this anymore," he said finally, his words deliberate, each one cutting deeper than the last.  

your hands fell into your lap, your heart shattering into a million pieces. "what do you mean? you... you can’t do us anymore?"  

chris nodded, swallowing hard. "i’ve been thinking about this for a while," he admitted, his voice raw. "and i hate myself for it, but... i think it’s better if we end things now before we hurt each other more."  

"hurt each other?" you echoed, your voice trembling. "chris, what are you even saying? we’re not hurting each other. i love you."  

"and i love you too," he said quickly, his voice breaking. "but sometimes love isn’t enough. i feel like i’m holding you back, like i can’t give you what you deserve. you deserve someone who... who’s better at all of this than i am."  

you shook your head, tears streaming down your face. "that’s not true. you’re everything to me. why are you doing this?"  

he reached for your hand then, and you almost pulled away, but you couldn’t. even now, even as he was breaking your heart, you craved his touch.  

"because i don’t want to be the reason you lose yourself," he said, his voice steady now, like he’d convinced himself that this was the right thing to do. "i’ve seen it happen before, and i can’t let it happen to you. i love you too much for that."  

you opened your mouth to argue, to tell him he was wrong, that this was a mistake, but the words wouldn’t come. deep down, you could see that his mind was made up. the stubbornness that you loved about him was now the thing that would tear you apart.  

chris stood, his hand lingering on yours for a moment before he pulled away. "i’m so sorry," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "you have no idea how much this hurts me."  

“chris, stop. you.. you cant do this, not now..” you whisper, youre heart breaking as he stands up, beginning to walk away.

you softly chase after him, reaching for his arms, tearing streaming down your face. he faces you, gently taking your hands in his. 

“i love you, baby. so much. but im doing this because i love you. i see the hate you get from my fans, and it kills me. it kills me so fucking much knowing that i cant do anything to stop it, no matter how many things i say to them. "and that's why i can't let this keep happening," chris said, his voice cracking as he looked down at your hands in his, his thumbs brushing over your trembling fingers. "you don’t deserve any of this. you don’t deserve to feel like you have to fight for your place in my life. none of it’s fair to you."

your chest tightened, and the tears that had been threatening to fall finally spilled over. "but chris, i don’t care about any of that. the fans, the hate, the comments... none of it matters to me. you’re what matters. you’re the only thing that’s ever mattered."

he let out a sharp breath, his jaw tightening as he tried to hold back his own tears. "but it should matter, baby. you say it doesn’t, but i see it. i see how it wears on you. you’ve stopped posting your art, stopped sharing the things you love because you’re scared of what they’ll say. i see how you smile less. and i can’t... i can’t live with knowing that i’m the reason for that."

"you’re not the reason for it," you argued, your voice desperate, shaking. "those people don’t even know me, chris. they’re just looking for someone to blame because they can’t have you for themselves. that’s not on you. that’s on them."

he shook his head, his grip on your hands tightening. "it doesn’t matter if it’s on them. it’s still happening because of me. and the longer we stay together, the worse it’ll get. you think it’s bad now? it’s only going to get harder. i can’t stand the thought of you going through that for me."

you felt your knees weaken, like the weight of his words was pressing down on you, suffocating you. "but don’t you see, chris? you’re worth it. we’re worth it. i don’t care how hard it gets, i’ll fight for us. i’ll fight every single day if it means i get to keep you."

his eyes glistened with unshed tears as he looked at you, his expression torn between love and heartbreak. "and that’s what kills me the most," he whispered. "you shouldn’t have to fight for us. love isn’t supposed to be like this. it’s supposed to be easy, and safe, and full of joy. and i... i can’t give you that right now. not the way you deserve."

"you’re wrong," you said, your voice barely audible, your heart breaking with every word. "love is worth fighting for. you’re worth fighting for."

he gently starts walking you toward the door, the fight to not cry visible on his face "you don’t understand, baby. this is me fighting for you. this is me trying to protect you from everything that comes with loving me. i don’t want you to look back in a few years and resent me for all the pain you went through just to be with me."

"i could never resent you," you said, your voice firm despite the tears streaming down your face. "never. you’re everything to me, chris. please, don’t do this. don’t throw us away because of something we can get through together."

he closed his eyes, his head bowing like he couldn’t stand to see the pain in your eyes anymore. "i’ve already made up my mind," he said softly, and those words hit you like a knife to the chest. "this is the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do, but i’m doing it because i love you. because i want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me."

"you are my happiness," you cried, your voice breaking. "don’t you get that? you’re all i need."

"and you’re all i’ll ever love," he said, his voice heavy with finality. "but sometimes love isn’t enough."

he leaned in and kissed your forehead one last time, his lips lingering there as though he was trying to memorize this moment, to etch it into his memory forever. when he pulled away, you saw the tears streaming down his face, and it shattered you even more.

"i love you. im sorry" he whispered, his voice trembling as he softly pushed you out of his front door, his heart heavy with regret 

you stood there, frozen, your entire world crumbling around you as you watched him slam the door in your face. your hand instinctively went to your tote bag, clutching it like it was the only thing tethering you to reality. the secret you had been so excited to share—the little piece of him you were carrying, the piece of both of you—was now a weight you didn’t know how to bear alone.

"chris," you called out one last time, your voice a broken sob as you hoped he’d open the door again "please. the baby.." you whispered, your voice barely audible, a plea that hung heavy in the air.

but he didn’t say come back. he didnt open the door. you heard his footsteps get farther away, meaning hes going up to his bedroom, leaving you alone with nothing but memories of the past six years, the echo of his absence, and the secret you hadn’t been able to tell him. 

you stood there, staring at the door that had just closed in your face, your breath caught somewhere between a sob and a gasp. the cold, boston air of january nipped at your cheeks, but it didn’t register. all you could focus on was the weight in your chest, the ache that had settled there as you stared at the house in front of you.  

chris’ house. the house where it all began.  

your eyes drifted to the porch below you, the same porch where you’d sat together as kids, eating popsicles in the summer and talking about everything from your favorite cartoons to your wildest dreams. you remembered how he’d teased you about the way you always peeled the wrappers off your popsicle sticks, how his laughter had filled the air and wrapped around you like the warmest embrace.  

your gaze lingered on the window to the living room. you could almost see the two of you, years ago, sprawled out on the couch with a bowl of popcorn between you, arguing over which movie to watch. he always let you pick in the end, even when he pretended not to care about the cheesy rom-coms you loved so much.  

and the backyard… God, the backyard. you could still picture the two of you running around barefoot, him chasing you with water balloons until you tripped and fell into the grass, laughing so hard your stomach hurt. it was in that backyard where he’d kissed you for the first time, his lips brushing against yours so softly you thought you might’ve imagined it. but you didn’t. it had been real. and it had been everything.  

now, those memories felt like ghosts, haunting you as you stood there, clutching your tote bag like it was the only thing keeping you from falling apart completely. how could he do this? how could he shut the door on everything you’d built together? on all the years, all the love, all the promises whispered under the stars?  

your eyes drifted to his bedroom window, and your heart clenched. you remembered sneaking in and out of that room, climbing the trellis late at night when you just couldn’t stand being apart for another second. the way he’d pull you into his arms the moment you made it inside, his voice low as he whispered, “you’re crazy for doing this, you know that?” but his smile always told you he didn’t mean it.  

now, the window was dark. no light, no sign of him. just an empty, hollow void where he used to be.  

you took a shaky breath, your hand instinctively going to your stomach as the weight of your secret pressed down on you. how could you have been so excited just moments ago? how could you have thought this was going to be the happiest day of your life, when now it felt like your world was ending?  

tears blurred your vision, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. you stood there, rooted to the spot, as if leaving would somehow mean letting go of everything. of him. of the life you’d imagined together.  

your mind replayed his words over and over, each one cutting deeper than the last. “i can’t do this anymore… you deserve better… this is me fighting for you…”  

you wanted to scream, to bang on the door until he opened it and let you in. until he saw that you were still standing there, ready to fight for him, for you, for everything you’d built. but you knew it wouldn’t change anything. his mind was made up.  

and so you stayed, your feet frozen to the porch as you stared at the house that held every memory you’d ever shared with him. the house that had once felt like home.  

but now, it felt like a stranger’s. cold, distant, and unreachable. just like him. 

yet, back in the house, chris was a wreck. he broke up with you. he was sitting on his couch, face buried in his hands as nick makes his way back downstairs 

“did you.. do it?” nick asks, sitting next to his brother. 

chris couldn’t bring himself to lift his head. his hands trembled as they covered his face, tears streaming through his fingers. he nodded weakly, barely able to get the words out.  

“yeah,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “i did it.”  

nick let out a low breath, leaning back against the couch as he crossed his arms. he didn’t say anything right away, just studied his brother with a mix of pity and frustration.  

“and how do you feel now?” nick finally asked, his voice cautious, careful not to push too hard.  

chris shook his head, his hands dropping to his lap as he stared blankly at the coffee table. “like shit,” he admitted, his voice raw. “like i just ripped my own heart out.”  

nick frowned, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “then why’d you do it? if it’s tearing you up this much, why push her away?”  

chris sighed, dragging his hands through his hair. “because she deserves better,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “she deserves a life without the hate, without the constant pressure of being with someone like me. she says she’s fine, but i see it, nick. i see how it’s breaking her, and i can’t… i can’t keep doing that to her.”  

nick studied him for a moment, his brows furrowing. “and you think this is what’s best for her?”  

“yeah,” chris said, though his voice wavered, as if he wasn’t entirely sure himself. “i mean.. it has to be. right?”  

nick sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “look, man, i get it. you think you’re protecting her, and maybe you are in some ways. but breaking her heart? breaking your own heart? that doesn’t sound like protection to me. it sounds like you’re running away.”  

“i’m not running away,” chris snapped, his voice rising before he quickly deflated, his shoulders slumping. “i’m not. i just.. i love her too much to keep putting her through this. i don’t want her to hate me one day because of all the shit that comes with being with me.”  

nick tilted his head, his expression softening. “and what if she never would? what if she meant it when she said you’re worth it?”  

chris shook his head, his eyes welling up with tears again. “it doesn’t matter. i made my decision. it’s done.”  

nick leaned back, letting out a long breath as he watched his brother unravel in front of him. “you’re stubborn as hell, you know that? but you’re also an idiot.”  

“thanks, nick,” chris muttered, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  

“no, seriously,” nick said, leaning forward again. “you’re sitting here, miserable as hell, and she’s probably out there feeling the same way. and for what? because you think you know what’s best for her? maybe—just maybe—you should’ve let her decide that for herself.”  

chris didn’t respond, his jaw tightening as he stared at the floor. nick sighed, standing up and giving his brother a pat on the shoulder.  

“you’re gonna regret this, chris,” nick said quietly, his voice laced with a mix of sympathy and frustration. “and when you do, I hope it’s not too late to fix it.”  

nick walked away, leaving chris alone on the couch, the silence of the house pressing down on him like a weight. he sat there for what felt like hours, replaying the moment he’d closed the door in your face, the sound of your voice—broken, desperate—echoing in his mind.  

“please. the baby…” 

the words hit him like a freight train, and he shot up from the couch, his heart racing.  

“the baby?” he whispered to himself, his mind scrambling to make sense of it. had he heard you right? had you really said…  

panic set in as the realization washed over him. if what you said was true, then he hadn’t just broken your heart—he’d walked away from something so much bigger, so much more important.  

without thinking, chris grabbed his keys and bolted out the door, his chest heaving as he searched the street for any sign of you. but you were gone.  

“damn it,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair as he paced the porch. he needed to find you. he needed to know if what you said was true, to explain himself, to tell you he’d made a mistake—a huge, life-altering mistake.  

but deep down, he feared it was already too late. 

he goes back into the house, now pacing his kitchen, periodically sipping from a can of pepsi. 

“could’ve jus’.. yeah, she could’ve just been callin’ me ‘baby’, i mean, she always did.. shes not.. theres no way, she cant be..” he rambles, running his hand through his hair, his whole body nearly shaking. 

you? you were already back home, crying your eyes out in bed as you held the test in your hand. were you really going to raise this baby on your own?

────────────୨ৎ────────────

a/n: nearly threw up writing this

- aurora ᯓ✮⋆˙

find other parts of this series here

likes and reblogs are always greatly appreciated! ੈ✩‧₊˚

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⋆˙⟡ tags: @lvrsturniolo @marrykisskilled @mattscoquette @emely9274 @wh0remikasas @mattsstarlet @pvssychicken @sofia-is-a-sturniolo-triplet-fan @jvngle18 @sturns-mermaid @mattslolita @lolastrniolo @55sturn @oliviasthatgirl @hannahsturns @dykes4chris @y3sterdaysproblem @bernardsbendystraws

[mischiefmaker615]

Chef's Choice

Over the past time of having tumblr, i have collected my personal favorites- stories that i always get drawn back to when i need inspiration, something to read, and/or something to enjoy with whatever mood or situation that needs tending LOL (not in order and there are so many others i love!!)

Thought it be best to introduce you to some of the greats out there :D

“Seems like the prince of Asgard is seduced by a mortal woman”

By: @fictive-sl0th

(OMG i absolutely LOVE the doctor themed stories with Loki XD ya never know what direction it's gonna end up ;) )

A Coveted Bride

By: @magicbystarlight

(i absolutely LOVE jealous Loki, anything in the realm of dark theme and possessiveness XD we don't judge here. it's an enquired taste and darling, you cooked!!)

Duplicitous *Long Snake Moan*

By: @darkficsyouneveraskedfor

(everything you write, i got to read! truth be told, we didnt ask for but we absolutely needed!!)

Pinned Down The Rite Liberties

By: @lokisgoodgirl

(come on, just by the titles alone you know it's gonna be good! everything you've written, i've fallen in love with each detail, nothing is rushed and personalities are captured beautifully! i've caught myself gasping out loud in public with some of the stuff you bring us and i absolutely love it!)

Overstimulation Welcome Him Home More Between His Thighs

By: @sarahscribbles

(had me drooling in kinktober!!! just the title alone, i hit favorite so i could read it when i got time and darling, you didn't disappoint! so many stories just draw my attention and every aspect of them is truly perfect!!! i need more!!!)

thirty seconds

By: @muddyorbsblr

(what i would give to be in the readers shoes!! omg i loved this!!! hit all the right feelings and i cant help but reread this far more than thirty times LOL)

The Chambermaid

By: @wheredafandomat

(i want Loki to step on me!!!! i wouldn't mind slave life if it meant serving him LOL gods this was perfect!! i always loved maid x Loki themed stories, keep them coming!!)

Kinktober Day 16

By: @suguru-getos

("we listen and we don't judge" *cough* i love me some CNC! seems like a very hidden kink topic so i got positively excited when i saw this mentioned in your writing and just HAD to read it Lol kinky indeed!!! truly my favorite fic of yours so far!)

Overtime Safehouse Conquer Close Quarters

By: @cleo-fox

(I'm pretty sure all of tumblr knows who you are Lol i have enjoyed EVERYTHING you've come out with; your plots, details and character embodiment, Loki is on point!! i cant even fathom where to begin on making storylines this deep with all the bells and whistles. you are truly an incredible writer!!)

"I can do….terrible things to you."

By: @oh-look-at-her

(i can't literally do anything but bow down to you and get up only when given permission LOL truly a damn good time reading your work!!)

Firestarter

By: @delaber

(who doesn't love a good enemies to lovers story Lol can't tell you how many people i've shooed while i was in the middle of reading this XD)

Frozen Stiff Happily Never After

By: @simplyholl

(tbh i struggle finding REALLY good Jotun Loki fics and absolutely fell in love with this one!!! thank you for letting me die in peace now Lol had me giddy and blushing!!)

Have Mercy

By: @mochie85

(you captured his hot and pain in the ass personality so well!!! i LOVED this went through all the emotions on this one!! kinda like an enemies to lovers story Lol why cant it be me!!!)

A Tales of Tangled Desires

By: @angelremnants

(i fell in love with the part one, not expecting for my request to be answered but i got a part two and absolutely have become obsessed!! i love your writing so much and thank you for the prayer being answered! Lol)

And The Gods Made Love

By: @thefairywithboots

(thank you for my request being answered!! anything you publish, i cant get enough of and love the pure art like pace you take to form every inch of your story!!)

Plus One

By: @societyfolklore

(EXACTLY what i needed to start the new year ;) thank you!)

Mission Accomplished

By: @asgards-princess-of-mischief

(i love the whole "there's only one bed" scenario LOL this was absolutely perfect!)

Handcuffed Together

By: @anonymousfiction211

(it's in the title LOL this had all of my emotions :D it was fun, hilarious and incredible sexy!! truly loved this!)

[markiemelon]

ordinary

fluff ─ ੈ♡˳ no warnings! ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

idol!jaehyun x gn!reader

this one’s for all my delulus out there!

{6:33pm} ♡‧₊˚ ↴

it wasn’t his job that made him ordinary, it wasn’t his talent, and it certainly wasn’t his looks.. but it was the little things he did, like wanting to go to the convenience store with you at 2am even after a long day of photoshoots and promotions.

it’s starting to get colder, and leaves are turning brown again. just like it was when you met him. this time of year makes you remember the first time you crossed paths.

you were working at a cafe, your first day, first job. he, of all people, walked in. you felt your heart stop and start again. of course you knew who he was, but you didn’t dare say anything. you kindly welcomed him, holding back the urge to ask for a picture or an autograph.. you were too shy to do anything like that.

you’ll never forget his order. in fact, it still hasn’t changed. you called it out. “extra hot caramel macchiato, two pumps hazelnut, extra whipped cream.”

he was off to the side of the counter, jotting something down on piece of paper. his head perked up at your call, and he smiled.

he payed in cash, and managed to slip something in with it. a little folded up sticky note wedged in between the bills. you wouldn’t have noticed it if it hadn’t slipped out and fallen onto the floor. “oh, did something fall out of—”

“don’t worry. that’s for you.” he interjected, taking the change you held out for him in your hand. “well thanks. have a nice day.” he nodded on his way out.

after watching him exit in awe, you picked up the note. a string of digits was written across it in really poor handwriting. it read ‘text me?’ but it actually looked more like ‘taxi man’

but you couldn’t focus for the rest of the day. seeing him in person was enough to shake you up, but for him to hit on you? you got a least 4 orders wrong after that.

when you finally got home, you were hesitant to type the number into your phone. did he really mean to give it to you? that’s dangerous… for all he knows, you could be a sasaeng.

you ignored any doubts and just did it anyway. you had no idea what to say. not wanting to freak him out or act like a crazy fan, you went with something simple.

hi are you the guy from earlier? caramel macchiato?

shortly after you sent it, you got a response.

yeah that’s me

you stared at your screen expressionless, trying to process what was going on. and then another text came through.

sorry that note was so sloppy. actually i was worried you wouldn’t be able to read it

im jaehyun by the way. could i get your name?

all you could do was laugh. it was unbelievable.

surprisingly, you slept pretty well that night. but you woke up a little disappointed, thinking you’d just woken from the best dream ever. you picked up your phone to check the time only to see a message from a number that had yet to be saved as a contact.

you working today?

you took a second to notice the messages above it, where you exchanged names. your heart fluttered, but then it dropped. it was already noon and jaehyun’s text is what reminded you that you had a shift at 1:15. your thumbs slammed against your keyboard to respond.

yes i totally forgot

you pulled yourself together in like 10 minutes. hair kinda messy, eye bags on fleek, you head out. you were in such a hurry, it didnt occur to you to check if he responded.

nice. i’ll see you there

but you left him on delivered.

you made it just on time. you reached for the door handle but someone else beat you to it. a familiar voice spoke. “here, i can get that.”

you weren’t expecting to see jaehyun right beside you, and you obviously weren’t used to seeing his face up close and personal. “oh it’s you-” your hands instinctively covered your mouth in surprise. “what are you doing here?” you avoided looking directly at him as you made your way inside.

he followed behind you. “i have a day off.. and i was craving coffee.” you rubbed your cold hands together. “is that so?” heading to the back to put your things down, you tried hard not to show how nervous you were.

you came back out with an apron, and you made sure to fix your hair up a bit. jaehyun was standing on the other side of the counter like he was ready to place an order, so you had to think of him as any regular customer. “what can i get for you today, sir?”

“can i get a… date with you?”

at that point, it had started to sink in. that you actually had a shot with this guy.

“sir, that’s.. not on the menu.” you teased with a sudden confidence, looking him in the eye.

yes, this was jeong jaehyun. but at the end of the day, he was still a man. and like any man, you wouldn’t let him pull you so easily.

“it’s not?” he answered, his gaze lingering on you so naturally. “hmm…” with a quick scan of the menu, he continued. “a caramel macchiato is fine, then.”

one thing led to another, and the untouchable superstar jaehyun you couldn’t believe was real, was now the annoying jaehyun who refused to leave your home.

jaehyun, the unreachable idol who travels the world, performing at sold out stadiums, is still jaehyun, who sleeps through his alarms, and sings in the shower…

now you know he’s not unreachable or untouchable, but it was still hard for you to understand how such a special person… could really be so ordinary.

thank you for reading 🌱 reqs always open

[savannahsdeath]

hiii i love ur fics ive read them all i ws wondering if you could like do a 18+ with a extremely jealous ellie??

thank you sm ily😭💞and yes ofc i tried my best!!

JEALOUS!ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

mdni please<3

summary: els didnt like some of the messages she found on your phone..

warnings: 18+!! smut, jealousy(obv), language

writers note: sorry it took me so long to post it😓ive actually written it like one day after you requested but i had already some posts planned and i didnt want to change everything now💔

You came back after a meeting with your co-workers to see your girlfriend waiting for you. As soon as she heard the door open, she leaned on the doorframe of the living room, looking at you with an undefined expression.

"You're late." She mumbled, her voice sounding mad but the way she planted wet little kisses all over your face said otherwise.

Ellie's closeness wasn't just out of greeting, but out of an act of possessiveness and jealousy that you grew accustomed to in the relationship.

You sighed and looked at Ellie for a second, before saying, "Yeah, I'm late. Sorry." You gave her a quick kiss too while looking for your keys. "Meeting ended late." Your voice wasn't as cheery as it usually is.

Ellie then rolled her eyes. "Did you really had to stay that long?" She muttered loudly, trying to hide the jealousy that was so clearly showing.

"It was important." You said, finding your keys and pulling them out of your pockets. You didn't sound upset because it was hard to be upset with Ellie. She was like a little kitten who was possessive and needy at times, but still oh so sweet.

Ellie rolled her eyes again but smiled, and she leaned onto you with her arms wrapped around your waist in a hug. This was where you felt safe and home.

"C'mon," she said softly, "let's go to bed."

You nodded. "I'll just go to the bathroom, 'kay?" You asked, giving her your bag, like you always did after work - she'll lug it upstairs for you.

"Of course, darling." Ellie smiled as she took the bag from you, her expression now fully warm and affectionate. You were lucky to have her, and you knew that.

You went to the bathroom and started to wash your face and brush your teeth, taking a moment to yourself.

After a few minutes, and a good splash of cold water on your face, you exited the bathroom and made your way upstairs. Ellie was waiting for you in the bedroom.

She was doing something on your phone, which didn't surprise you - she was probably just going through your gallery, staring at your pics. You had nothing to hide anyway.

She often did that, smiling widely and mumbling things like 'my wife's so pretty'.

This time, though, she was silent and had a frown on her face.

"Who's Steve?" She asked when she saw you.

"I don't know." You answered honestly. You had no idea who is she talking about, probably a random boy following you.

"You two texted." She passed your phone to you with an opened short conversation. He replied to your story, complimenting you, you thanked him, that's all.

"Yeah, I remember now. What about him?" You lied down next to her, curiously staring at the screen, expecting some more messages to magically appear and explain the situation.

Ellie sat on top of you, playing with the hem of your shirt. "He's hitting on you." She said as she got more bold, now not only fingers but her whole hands sliding up and down your waist.

"I don't know him. He just texted me once." You shrugged, reading the conversation over and over again to find which part made your girlfriend act like that.

"Yeah, and what does his text say?" She smirked, not in her usual innocent way, but in a 'think twice before you answer' way.

You scrolled to his first message and read it out loud. It was simple "stunning💞" in a reply to your story - a photo Ellie took of you at the beach a week ago but you forgot to post it before.

"Exactly. Now, what are you wearing on that pic?" Her smirk widened as she started to undo the button of your jeans.

You didn't pay much attention to her moves, focusing on her orders. "A swimsuit. I mean, we were at th-"

She shushed you, pressing her lips against yours. She pulled away after a good minute, leaving you breathless. She forced the phone, which slipped off of your embrace while she kissed you, back between your fingers.

"Stop explaining yourself or I'll think you actually have something to explain. For now, I'm just asking simple questions. Do I look like I'm mad?" She held your chin with one of her hands, while the other was unbuttoning your formal-looking work shirt.

She really didn't look mad, but you knew it's just her ability to camouflage.

You let out a relieved sigh as soon as you catched your breath. "Oh. Right. Look, it's not a big deal, I told him I'm-"

"Busy. Yeah, I know." She cut you off. "Pretty pathetic excuse."

"What was I supposed to say?" You barely managed to say as she started tracing a path of messy, wet kisses from your neck down your body.

"Are you seriously asking me that?" She laughed and you could feel the vibrations in her breath caused by her sudden outburst on your stomach, right were she stopped to answer you.

You stayed quiet, not wanting to make it worse or seem even dumber in her eyes than you already do, if that's even possible. She noticed your confusion and didn't pressure you to read her mind.

"That you have a girlfriend. That she told you to post it. That she took this pic." She made a pause after every sentence to cling her tongue, followed quickly after with her mouth, to your core, watching your body slightly squirm. You didn't even realize when she arrived that low, and when she took off your underwear, but that wasn't important anymore. "That it was her idea to go to the beach. That she helped you pick your swimsuit. That she saw you in it first..."

"Els... Stop..." You moaned out, feeling jealous of how unbothered she looks while you were already soaking.

"Stop what?" She laughed, sucking on your clit while taking off her rings.

This simple, two-words question, turned out to be more difficult to answer than you'd thought. Actually, what did you had in mind while telling her to stop? Hers 'that she...' calculations? Her hand placement, which had a bruising grip on your thighs? Or her tongue, that had definitely affected you the most, making you drop the phone, screen-down on the bed, and hopefully hold into the bed sheets?

"That's what I thought." She said before you could think of a correct answer.

She had a whole scolding prepared in her mind, but you wasn't honoured to hear it as she had a better plan. Still, she wanted to talk to you through it, watching you do your best to answer or just understand her while she makes you look and feel like a total mess. In order to not leave your cunt hopelessly tremble, right after she took her tongue off of your clit, she pushed two fingers into your entrance.

You gasped, squeezing your thighs together, which made Ellie laugh. It was a normal reaction - her move was unexpected - but your eyes rolling back always got a reaction out of her.

"Back to the topic, want to tell me why you decided saying 'you're busy' will work?" She smirked, her fingers pumping in and out, clenching and unclenching, in a painfully fast and rough way. Her thumb rubbed your clit, replacing her tongue.

"I... If I-'d" You stuttered, taking a deep breath after every letter you managed to say.

"Y-Y...You what?" She mocked your mumbling, her smirk turning into a smile.

Your back arched, making your hips move higher, but Ellie held them down with her free arm. Even though her nails were trimmed short, so she won't have to worry she'll hurt your pretty cunt, you swore you feel them digging into your waist.

"That hurt-s..." You whispered, but you weren't really bothered by it, even though your eyes were starting to get teary.

"Yeah? Don't worry, I'm sure Steve would make it hurt more... if you'd give him a chance, that is. But you didn't and won't." Her free hand let go of your hip, taking your phone and staring at the unlocked screen, clearly thinking or considering something. "I know you're mine and you know that too." She finally concluded, but right before she put the device down, you got a notification.

She mischievously smiled as she saw who's the message from.

"You got yourself a fan." She laughed as she opened your conversation with the reason of her jealous behaviour. "'Still busy?' and a fucking winking emoji. Jesus, that's just embarrasing."

You couldn't help but admire how good her attention span was - one hand making you a whining mess, other typing on your phone, eyes barely looking away from you (only to read his text, she typed hers blindly), mind probably racing with ideas to make him, or you, or both of you, regret your little conversation. She was obviously overreacting, but then again, your profile was full of Ellie and there's no way he missed all the cute posts about her.

"Should I show him how 'stunning' you look right now?" She chuckled and shook her head. "Nah, this view is for me only."

"What d-id you do?" You stuttered, trying to take your phone back, but she placed it out of your reach and aggressively grabbed your wrist.

"I liked it more when you moaned instead of asking questions." And just as she said that, she got faster again, making your cunt tighten even more around her fingers. Even though it may seem she's not paying much attention to how precise she is, she kept violating your sensitive spot, not missing it once.

Your head hit the pillow, leaning back on it and exposing your throat from which many signs of your pleasure came.

She was wondering again, her eyes looking you up and down before finally staying at your face. Her smile faded as she looked at you for a few moments. Then, she picked up your phone and passed it to you, following by simple but stern words; "Block him."

Your hands were shaky, so instead of pressing the block button, you almost accidentally called him a few times.

Ellie's smirk came back as she looked at you obediently fulfill her requests. She knew she could make you do anything she wanted now, but she didn't feel the need to. The only thing she needed was you with her - her only.

She took the mobile from you, whispering soft 'good girl' as she saw you succeed to do what she asked you to.

"Next time, if someone bothers you, just tell me straight away." She patted your cheek, her focus going back to what's her right hand doing.

This boy didn't bother you at all, he was just nice. But you knew what Ellie meant - he bothered her. Without arguing, you silently nodded, knowing this is the last time you posted a swimsuit photo on your account.

[i-yap]

hi!! could you write for tim with a reader that just gets him. like they both understand each other, dont have to communicate (verbally at least) to know how the other is feeling. also, she works at damian’s school as an intern/assistant for an art teacher (and brings her pet to school every day. maybe it’s a more exotic animal that piques damian’s interest.). so her and damian are close before tim introduces them (which he really didnt want to do LMAO. he probably let it slip that he was dating someone and now all his brothers want to meet them) so now every time you’re at wayne manor damian barges into tims room to tell you to hang out with him instead. basically fluffy tim x reader with platonic damian. sorry this was a long ask… 😭💞

I love this ask so much!

Tim drake x y/n x platonic! damian

y/n has a gecko as a pet named fluffy ( ik gecko's arent fluffy)

you prolly brought fluffy as an optional muse for your students. And since you are an art teacher at such a prestigious school means you are an amazing artist so damian for sure has a lot of respect for you.

in a couple comics its mentioned that dami is a loner at school so a loner art kid who loves animals hits close to home for you. You guys start bonding really strongly and for once dami has an adult figure who isn't cold as ice or hates his guts ( at least pretend hate) . You become his Didi (I'm indian and I couldn't find the proper arabic term for older sister so I'm just using hindi term for older sister aka didi).

Now when Tim finally opens up about the whole batfamily and how he is like "adopted brother" sort of to Damian, and the whole dynamics between the batfam, you are a little worried. Tim probably has seen you interact with Dami and realized how close you guys are ( dami didn't stab you when you patted his head)

Tim wants to keep you away from the whole batfam , maybe he tells alfred but nothing beyond that. He says its for your safety and he doesn't want you involved in such dangerous vigilante work but it's also because he wants to keep you to himself and being an rich single child...he sucks at sharing .

But nothing remain hidden in a family of detectives and ofc everyone finds out that tim has a secret girlfriend .

Damian probably invited you over to the manor a couple times because you are one of his favorite persons and he wanted to show you his art work or his pets. Everytime you came over, Tim obviously acted like an idiot. Sneaky ( but not sneaky enough glances), innuendos, inside jokes and secretly pulling you away for a mini "tour " of the manor even though Dami insisted he has already shown you everything(non batman related). Maybe everyone found out you were dating when you guys got caught on one of your tours? Damian for sure chased Tim with one of his Katanas till you stepped in.

Damian also doesn't know how to share- rich single child

since the batfam already knew you so well, you were over much more but ofc tim expected it to be for him. He is the boyfriend , the love of your life so why is damian getting your attention huh? Why are you doing an art challenge with dami when there are other more fun "challenges" you could be doing with tim?? WHY ARE YOU WATCHING A DUMB ASS FILM WITH DAMI WHEN YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING DUMBASS FILM WITH TIM?

to be fair, tim does love watching the soft motherly-ish side of you( makes him wanna give you more kids that steal your attention from him) But babyboy wants his cuddles and how dare you deny him of that. you think you are being fair and you are really good at reading tim's feelings so you are able to tell when he needs you attention and therefore excuse yourself politely from damian.

But one day tim is just feeling extra needy and damian and you are in a middle of an activity. you give him a look saying you'll come to him as soon as this activity is over but tim has no patience that day so he just runs into the room, throws you over his shoulder and runs away to his room and locks it. He has installed strong wind blowing thingie so when dami tries chasing him, he just turns the wind blowing things and he cant come close to the door. It then becomes a whole ass hiest while the rest of the batfam just watches and eats popcorn. you obviously have to step in AGAIN.

So you divide up a schedule and ground rules, (steph helps you dw), both tim and dami complain but you just give them both a look and they accept their fate.

Tim likes how much closer you have gotten to his family and damian likes the idea that you guys could actually become sort of related once you marry tim. The rest of the batfam love you ofc but they also love that fact that tim and dami don't try to kill each other( at least not as much as before) because of you. so it all works out( sort of)

I havnt gone exactly by the request and Ive changed up some stuff, I hope that's okay.

[mattybsturns]

𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽 ❥ 𝓝𝓪𝓽𝓮 𝓓.

pairing ➝ nate doe x sls!reader

✎ authors note ➝ here you go anon! hope you likey🤗

summary ➝ your older brothers who had been in LA for the past few weeks come visting boston to surprise you but unfortunately for them, they get surprised instead.

× warnings ➝ just making out tbh, fluff???, chris being a dick friend and brother!!(kinda)

based of this request!

You were in your room lying down on your bed scrolling through tiktok. Your brothers Nick, Chris, and Matt had been gone for atleast three weeks.

This wasn’t new to you at all. They were always at their house in LA, being the youtubers they were. You honestly didn’t mind it.

It gave you less of a hard time sneaking your boyfriend Nate in while they were there. Nate was also their bestfriend. Your mom already knew about you and Nate and helps keep you guys a secret from the boys.

She and you both know what would happen if the boys found out.

“Sorry I took so long,” Nate said as he entered the room. “You didn’t,” you smiled. Nate leaned into the bed, giving you a kiss on the forehead.

You turned your body towards him before giving him a kiss. “What was that for?” He chuckled, you gave a look before connecting your lips back together.

He took the hint and laid his hand on your waist, pulling you closer to him. Your tongues swirling around each other.

The kiss was gentle but passionate. You straddled yourself onto Nate, leaving yourself on top of him. You both still exploring every inch of each other's mouth.

You both pause for a second when you hear a car pull up into the driveway. “Marylou?” Nate suspected, and you nodded in response.

You both went back to what you were doing before you interrupted. Marylou was fine with Nate being over it she wasn't home, she trusted him.

“Surprise!!” Your brothers said as they barged into your room, you and Nate swung your heads towards the door in a flash. Your three brothers standing there in complete shock before closing the door. Both you and Nate quickly got away from each other.

You run after your brothers, “Wait!” You yelled as you ran as quickly as you could down the stairs, Nate following behind you.

“It’s not you think-” you started, Chris turning his body. His face with rage written all over it. “Nate!? Seriously, out of all people?!” Chris yelled, Matt and Nick right behind him. Them both looking at Chris with a startled look.

They didn’t expect him to yell like that, Chris was still yelling. Some of his saliva hits your face, and you are almost tearing up. “This is exactly why I never told you!” You said, finally finding the courage to.

“Of course, I'm reacting this way!” He said, “I just found you and my best friend making out!” He said, emphasizing the word “best friend.”

“And you weren't supposed to see that, I’m sorry.” You replied, and Nate came closer to you and Chris. “Chris, we’re sorry we kept it from you but we can you blame us?” Nate said, Chris just looked at the two of you.

Chris sighs, “do you love each other?” He asked, you and Nate exchanged looks before nodding yes. “Okay then.” He says, “you're okay with it?” Nate asks, “No, but if you make her happy then there is nothing I can do about it.” Chris answered.

A smile grows on your lips catching Chris’s attention. “What?” Chris says, you give your brother a long hug, Nick and Matt joining in as well.

“Okay now that's settled, we're gonna go eat if you guys wanna come.” Nick suggests, “I think we’re just gonna go hang in my room.” You say, “Okay, bye then.” they all say before heading to the door.

You and Nate make your way upstairs, you ahead of him. “Nate?” Chris says before leaving, “yeah dude?” Nate replies, “hurt her and I’ll fucking kill you.” Chris says, “bye!” he smiles,”b-bye..” Nate waves as Chris closes the door.

•˖* riley speaks! ➝ heyy i hope you enjoyed thiss i didnt really know what to do near the end so sorry but i finished this alot quicker than most of my fics😭🙏🏻

[qoldenskies]

i genuinely adore the way that anatawa hitorijanai/the third part of the finale brings back the little motif with leo falling and raph jumping to save him in bug busters because it was such an important moment that really propelled raph along in his own abilities (although i personally interpret mystic powers as being more related to the individual and their emotions, while ninpo is more about. yknow. the family and their trust with each other since its hereditary, i see it as separate. post for later) but i always find it SO WEIRD that it's treated as like. a trust fall. because leo falling was not a trust fall. it was the opposite, actually.

is it representative of raph putting himself aside for the sake of his family? oh yeah. i do believe its a point that marks a turning point in the way he perceives the role of the oldest and leader, which is why i like the parallel because he puts the same into his younger brothers' hands. but was it really an act of trust? hell no! raph spent the entire episode NOT TRUSTING LEO. they were put in that exact position because raph cared a lot about being right just as much as leo did, and draxum dropped leo because raph didn't listen to him!!

leo pushed and bitched and begged pretty much that entire episode to be listened to, and raph never truly gave him the floor because he was expecting him from the get-go to be cynical and selfish. and even though leo can be those things at times, it didnt mean he wasnt a voice worth not listening to. and that did nearly get him killed! joke aside, leo shouting about his last words meant he really, really did not actually expect raph to do something like that, and raph jumped in a blind, panicked act of desperation for leo's sake. i think learning he SHOULD trust him from that point was something that should've been clarified, or they should've left the parallel more implicit tbh.

but you know what IS an excellent parallel to bug busters? the movie! their roles are reversed! raph has well learned the importance of taking things seriously and is loudly pushing for caution, and leo is pushing him away and shrugging it off like he's just being too pessimistic, its pretty much a HERE COMES THE FUN POLICE WEEWOO. which i think is like, the equivalent to raph's "she's a nice spider lady, why are you being so negative, do you just want to prove me wrong? you're up to something"

and i think a big reason raph is so loud about the lesson he's trying to pound into leo's skull is because of the exact lesson he learned in bug busters, because he definitely does actually see a lot of himself in leo (i do love when people play around with raph going "oh god did i teach him that" about some of leo's more self-destructive behavior btw, that's good A team angst) and i dont think he wants leadership back at all. he's perfectly fine with splitting the load, because they already have been The Big Brothers from the start and leo's been his second in command and cheerleader a lot before. but leo in his eyes is being vindictive and refusing to take this seriously, and i'm sure for raph it hits a little close to home! projection moment

this was honestly just me trying to say that i think the perfect leo/raph roof moment parallel should be their fight when raph is krang-ified, leo telling raph to go save donnie and mikey, and then him leaping into the prison dimension, just like raph leapt for him, because there was no other choice in order to save lives. it's the exact same type of move, bonus points with how leo points it out, "hero moves are your style".

(also potential parallel if you choose to interpret raph's tears as he jumps off the roof as overwhelming guilt because he suddenly realizes that his own choices brought them to this point, because like.... leo crying in the prison dimension..... same thing)

point is, love the raph trust fall in the third part of the finale. but i think the point of him catching leo was that he didn't trust him, and i think it wouldve been better to the finale trust fall more about how he's grown from the behavior that put them there back in bug busters.

OH AND AND AND this is compounded in by the B team moment RIGHT AFTER THAT with donnie and mikey, because that is an ACTUAL example of two brothers that genuinely, earnestly trust each other. donnie tells mikey to let go intentionally and mikey doesn't hesitate, because he knows donnie will always be there to catch him and he trusts him wholeheartedly. the difference is jarring and most likely intentional.

[idonotlikethatsam-i-am]

rock with me, but. mobius alone for awhile. starting out with talking to the stars and sky on a late not on a park bench with "hey loki.... i don't know if you'll hear me- probably not and I'm being silly but... just in case. just if you possibly do" and going on to tell loki about what he saw, or just about his day generally.

he doesn't need to, mind you. loki has been watching. the whole time, he's been watching. at first it started with being distracted by all the branches of time; there's so much to see. but on the first call from mobius he can FEEL it, like a string being tugged, and then its all he can focus on. yes, he keeps all the other infinite strands of time alive as well, but... his focus is always on mobius. his mobius.

sylvie comes to check on mobius eventually. gives him her/HWR's tempad. says "you're being a bit of a mope, why not take a walkabout. find yourself or something. i had a good run, but it seems like you might need it, for now. get me home first, though, yeah? and visit me, once in awhile." and he does, both get her home and visits.

between visits, he's off taking in the views of a bunch of different lokis from all around the timeline(s), seeing his many moments of glory but never intervening, never interacting. just, watching, as he always did. just up close this time.

a fair amount of days of mobius just talking to the stars - talking to loki - while following his various adventures turns into weeks, and months, and then one moment mobius just. looks up at the stars with a sigh like "....i miss you, you asshole. i hope you know that. i didn't even get to say goodbye. I really hope you hear me. I hope you have the whole damn time."

wonder how long til that emptiness and sadness and longing turns to bitterness at loki doing all of that without a word edgewise. like. loki didnt explain, he just gave one at look at sylvie and mobius and then walked off into fucking radiation city. loki didnt even say he stood up for mobius. he just. walked. said he was doing it for them - for sylvie, for mobius, but he didnt explain any more. and kept fucking walking. mobius looked fucking terrified watching him. fists clenched knuckle white when he realised loki was going where he couldn't, with no way to follow, and no goodbye given. which... terror turns to anger, anger turns to sad - which we see bc of him leaving the fucking tva - sad turns to hopelessness, hopelessness turns to observation, and then, from there, bitterness at being left behind once again by a loki gone off to who the fuck knows where.

which. that rattles loki. loki, thinking he should stay away at first, to try to let mobius find his place on the timeline. like. hes not sure what mobius's pattern is at first, he's so distracted by everything else but eventually its his mobius he tunes into time and time again, and eventually all others fade to the background when he finally realises what mobius's pattern is. and, its him. its loki, its the best hits, and thats breaks him in a way he hadn't expected. its one of mobius's monologues on a bench late at night, tear stained and drunk and miserable that pulls him from the throne, though.

"you fucking LEFT. you left, and you walked out to the goddamn loom - something we all thought would rip us to shreds without the damn suit, something we both argued over doing - and then you vanished. you fucking left me, loki, again, and what the hell was i supposed to think besides that you found somewhere better and more powerful to be." and he's ACHING, its a deep, bone deep agony of bitterness that has festered through pained, hot tears.

[ashmp3]

Ok now serious question. Who owned each svt era? (In your opinion)👀

LMFAO okay yay and yippie this is what this blog is all about... spoiler alert this got lengthy but we have a 9 year career to cover (next year will be their 10 year anniversary can you IMAGINE 🥰) also this is coming from someone who watched all these in real time so my opinion is clouded with nostalgia, you will understand.... also i did (i think) every mv. happy saturday 🤍

adore u - very hard decision because i Waited on this debut in my childhood bedroom buzzing with excitement. I have to say Woozi & Jeonghan! i feel like woozi would be the popular answer to this one though...

mansae - SCOUUPPPPSSSSSSSSS! one of the best coupsy raps 100%

very nice - dokyeom... feels wrong to even think of someone else! he perfectly embodies aju nice and his voice suits the song perfectly 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

pretty u - JOSHUA!!!! FUCKASS BOB JEONGHAN! I LOVED THE MV SO MUCH now that one feels so nostalgic and youthful and beautiful and heartwarming all at once

boom boom- undercut coupsy u will always be famous to me. WOONWOOOOOO AND MINGYUUUUUU okay this trio for sure i cant make up my mind. mingyu didnt look good actually his worst look but it is very memorable so...

don't wanna cry - dokyeom! when i think about this song i always hear his whimpering in my head he bodied this song it was amazing to see. woozi was another one - his beautiful voice in pre-chorus (with dokyeom) hello tears in my eyes and i don't wanna cry 🤭🤭🤭🤭

clap - THEATRE KIDS SEBEONGIES WE FACKEN LOVE YOU!!!! COUPSY! MINGYU! RED HAIRED HOSHHHHHHH god i facken love clap so much i could write a thesis on it. they all shined case closed!

thanks - jeonghan idgaf he was unreal. joshua! SEUNGKWAN!

call call call- MIGNHAOOO WE CAN ALL AGREE ITS HAO RIGHT? RIGHT! if callx3 has 0 fans i am dead. i love it so much i wish i could put it into words how much...

oh my - hosh & oh my (🤭)... junhui! i hear his voice when i start singing oh my LMFAO

home - woozi!!! dokyeom (for some reason when i think home i think of their killing voices performance and him smiling and sounding like an angel) getting closer - wonwoo i just love him in dark sharp fits + dark makeup + dark hair it was just TOO GOOD he really shined happy ending - wonwoo. YEAH! STAND BY! ONE TWO AND ACTION! JEONGHANNN that was one of his best light hair endeavours...

fear - VERNON I MEAN COME ON! silver vernon doing THE dance... not one dry eye in the audience. maybe u expected me to say jeonghan but no im giving it all the vernon he was unreal

fallin flower - joshua! minghao! my second favorite choreo from them...

hit - MINGYU AND JOSHUAAAA NO QUESTION! ACTUALLY. HOSHI TOO! everyoneeeeeee they literally shined + they gave 1000% energy every performance. SEUNGKWAN AND HIS FALSETTO no what do yall want from suicide store. and if we are talking performance wise... oh its jeonghan 100% and i dont wanna get into it too much after that anon from today (u will understand) but 1. yes im crazy 2. controlling hao. yeah... snapshoot - DINITOOO MY DINITO not only because he is literally This song personified but also he looked really good LMFAO like the glasses and long-ish hair hiiii.....

left and right - literally everyone look their best if i have to choose i will shoot myself but before that i will choose jeonghan & seungkwan. jeonghan because that was his hottest sexiest best era and seungkwan because he just embodies l&r to me to the tiniest detail. can u tell its one of my favorite tt LMFAO

24h - what does it say about me when i know that mingyus part is at 2:31 without checking because well. many reasons. okay thats enough information its mingyu close second is wonwoo... My favorite tt & choreo btwwwwww. if u even care...

home;run- absolutely jeonghan idgaf and i dont take criticism. kidding but they all shined i cant choose one because this is like l&r i just cant pick cuntometer was broken it was THAT good... anyway its jeonghan. hitori janai - jeonghan. because there is one part of the mv that i love and have screenshotted and because i say so...

ready to love - dokyeom again not even a competition it was him and then two places empty and then woozi. i facken love rtl

rock with you - NO WORDS! ARE ENOUGH FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!! mingyu hello. and seungkwan my baby his voice suits it perfectly I FACKEN LOVE RWYYYYYYYYYY

darl+ing - joshua for sure. one of my least favorite songs from this list so i dont have a strong opinion tbh

hot - everyone looked spectacular i cant lie and i cant choose. minghao maybe that red hair was for sure eye catching? piss yellow hair woozi too. cowboy coupsy... and then mechanical angel jeonghan? HOSHIIII HE BODIEDDDD HOT! seungkwan. idk i wll choose seungkwan and minghao. And let it be known i really miss hot and 2022

world_ - JUNHUIIIII!!! DINITO!!!!! and my jeonghan with his broken wing... oh my oh my!!!

super - WOOZI (no need for explanation), DINITO! MINGYUUU (DARUMDARIMDA HIHIHI), JEONGHAN WITH THE HAIR PIN!!!!!!!!!!!! i also miss 2023 LMFAO. but if i had to choose one it would be woozister.

f*ck my life- coupsy! i think this was very much his era and i loved his rap parts

god of music- hoshi and the donkey stole the show im afraid... maestro - minghao and joshua... heavy on joshua i did not tune in the dj khaled collab so i have no idea! please tell me ur opinions and if our taste is similar or different 💌🤍

[greasersgyatt]

‘Sadness? No more’

lee: Johnny Cade

ler: Dallas Winston

tw: venting, mention of suicide

Johnny was sitting alone in the cold lot. He was hanging out with the gang not too long ago but it started to get dark and everyone left home. Johnny never liked going home. He was thinking about going today but he decided not to. He could hear his parents fighting from outside their house. The word ‘hated’ was a understatement of how he disliked his parents, especially their fighting.

He could see his cold breath in the -2 degree weather, shivering. He had tried to start a fire to keep him warm but it was no use. The wind kept blowing it out. Johnny knew it wasnt safe sitting by himself this late because of him being a greaser. Town was weirdly full of socs today and even socs were passing through greaser territory and hanging about there which always made Johnny feel a bit frustrated but also afraid of getting jumped again.

He was thinking for a while, sitting on the curb of the lot. He was thinking about going to the curtis house snd maybe asking them if he could sleep over.. or maybe he could go round to two bits. Then it hit him. Dallas. Dallas would probably let him stay over. He always let when Johnny asked to sleepover even if it wasn’t usual. He got up and started to speed walk towards Buck Merrils house.

He got to Bucks Merrils house and knocked on the door. He knew there was some sort of party going on because he could see the colourful lights peeking through the curtains and he could hear the loud music coming from inside of the house. After a long moment, Buck opened the front door. “what do you want, kid?” Buck asked, his eyes focused on Jobnny. “uh- can i speak with Dallas?” Johnny said. He sounded like he was asking even though it wasnt a question. He was gonna speak with Dallas. “..he’s busy” Buck answered as he was going to shut the door but Johnnny quickly pushed it open again. “No, please. Just tell him that its johnny.” Johnny pleaded. Buck stared at him for a quick second before sighing. “wait here” Buck muttered under his breath as he shut the door.

He waited patiently until the door opened again. He saw Dallas who was shirtless. “..hey Johnny” Dallas said with one eyebrow raised, not really expecting Johnny but he wasn’t complaining hat he was here. “hi Dallas” Johnny said quickly before adding on, “do..- do you mind if i stay over for the night?” Johnny asked, hoping Dallas would say yes since there was a slim chance of Dallas saying ‘no’. Dallas looked at Johnny. “Yeah. of course, kid” Dallas said as he pushed the door open wider for Johnny to come in.

Johnny stepped in and instantly was hit with the scent of alcohol, cigarettes and weed. He didnt say anything about it though since he was used to all of smells. It didnt bother him much. Dallas and Johnny made there way upstairs and into Dallas’s small room that was at the end of the hallway. Dallas closed the door behind him so that the music from downstairs would be a bit quieter.

“..parents fighting again?” Dallas asked Johnny when he looked at him. Johhny sat down on the edge of dallas’s double bed, just answering with a simple “yeah”. Dallas stared at him. He couldn’t help but feel a bit bad for Johnny which was suprising since Dallas was always the ‘fearless, tough’ dude and he never reslly cared about anyones feelings, not even his own feelings. But there was just something about Johnny that he just felt like he needed to protect. Johnny already had a bad enough life with his abusive parents and how he got jumped a few months ago just made it worse since he never deserved that. Nobody deserved what Johnny was going through at his young age.

Dallas sighed, his hands swinging by his side before he goes down to lay on his bed. “C’mere” Dallas muttered quieter than usual as he let Johnny crawl over next to him.

“Dallas- i dont- i dont think i can do this anymore.” Johnny whispered under his breath, making Dallas turn his head in confusion. “I cant live like this anymore.. ill- ill kill myself-!” Johnny blurted out, making his breathing increase. “Hey, Johnny no. Don’t think about that. You’re not gonna kill yourself, kid. You’ve got me.. and the gang. We’re like your better family, Johnny. You dont gotta worry about a single thing happening to you when im around, you got that?” Dallas reassured him, putting his arm around Johnnys shoulder. “Now calm down your breathing, Johnny. Im being serious, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Dallas added on. “Youll be okay. I promise.” Dallas said with a sigh, glacing at Johnny. Johnny always looked like a lost puppy in a crowd. Who wouldn’t want to protect him?

“..how about i try and cheer you up?” Dallas asked, trying his hardest not to smirk as he knew full on damn well what was about to happen. He was good at cheering Johnny up one way or another, tho today he was gonna try the old first method. “..ho-how would you do that?” Johnny asked, turning his eyes towards Dallas. “Ive got my ways.. so what do you say?” Dallas asked again with a slight grin. Johnny seemed hesitant but nodded. Dallas couldn’t contain his smirk now that Johnny agreed. In one quick move, Dallas grabbed Johnny, making him sit infront of him while Dallas was behind him. “Ready?” Dallas asked. “..yeah?” Johnny muttered with a bit of confusion in his voice. Thats when Johnny just wished he said no.. well.. maybe he did enjoy what happened next. Suddenly, Dallas dug his fingers into Johnnys sides, making him let out a gasp before being in a pit of laughter. He tried his best to swat Dallas’s hands away but he failed since Dallas was behind him. “DALAHAeHAS” Johnny said through his howl of laughter. Dallas smirked as his fingers made their way down Johnnys side, down to his hips and over to his tummy which made Johnny giggle in a more high pitched voice. “What Johnny? Am i making your sadness go away?” Dallas asked with a teasing tone. Johnnt could feel Dallas’s breath hitting against the back of his neck, making him squirm his neck back. “CUHUHUT IT OUT” Johnny squealed when he felt Dallas’s fingers scattering around his tummy, near his belly button. “DALALAS” Johnny begged when suddenly one of Dallas’s hands were poking around Johnnys ribs while his other hand was dancing around on his knee. Johnny basically screeched with laughter, kicking his legs to avoid Dallas’s fingertips on his knees. “What, Johnny? Cant handle a little bit of tickling?” Dallas chuckled “tickle, tickle, tickle Johnny” Dallas teased, laughing as he sees johnnys face turn a pinky colour from the t word.

Dallas finally stopped as he saw that Johnny was slightly coughing from all his laughter. “You good?” Dallas said with a smirk, letting johnny lean back on him while he gets his breath back. “Yeah- yeah” johnny said quickly in one breath as he looked up at dallas then looked away. “..thanks” Johnny mumbled. Dallas just smirked. “No problem, kid.” Dallas answered.

[biohazard-inevitable]

My eclipse day has been…. Eventful.

First off, here are some pics I took!!! It was a little cloudy but i still was able to snag a few and see some crazy stuff happen, like people shooting off fireworks when it got dark (plus a dog, enjoy my dog he went swimming during the eclipse. Truly a madman)

Then, i had to hurry on over to work my shift for the night where all HELL broke loose.

It started off as normal a shift as anything, though I was a bit on edge cause I was working with the owner and hes quite the prickly old wolf that kind of intimidates me, but hes a nice guy really.

Now, I work at a pizza place in a decent part of town that gives REALLY good tips because of how wealthy a lot of our regulars are, but I dont expect tonight to get too busy.

My first warning sign should have been the first call of the night I took of some guy drunk off his ass demanding a delivery in 5 minutes to “the park” without specifying ANY address and straight up getting mad at me that i didnt know where he was talking about, but whatever i guess.

Then were the dishes pilled sky high already in the dishroom at the behinning of my shift and the young drake I work with NEVER does them, my second warning sign.

Out of nowhere, we start picking up like CRAZY! Its double delivery after double delivery just constant in and out until around 7:50 pm, we see the looming roll of thunderclouds on the horizon and they dont look good.

Now, anyone who has lived in tornado alley would be able to tell that these clouds making the sky THIS color and THIS dark was gonna be some powerfull ass shit, so i get back from my delivery with a shake to my head and a warning to my boss that the clouds dont look good. They nod in agreement of course and say “just take this last two in one run and we’ll stop deliveries early for the night.” Which was wise.

I’ve been vibing to my audiobook all evening on my deliveries, and im getting through it faster than expected when suddenly, I get hit by the storm.

Violent, POUNDING rain slams my car as I arrive to the first delivery point. It is IMPOSSIBLE to see 5 feet in front of me from how dark the clouds got and my only respite was the flashes of purplish lighting that roared through the sky every 3 seconds, turning the clouds into one HELL of a lightshow. I stepped out of my car for the delivery and INSTANTLY got drenched head to toe, and when i got back in, i realized that with the howling winds and pounding rain it wasnt safe enough to drive, so i called my boss to tell him I was staying put as a heads up (luckily my job is very nice and prioritizes our safety over deliveries so they agreed on my decision to wait out the storm)

Eventually it subsides and i do my last delivery of the night and return to the store only to find out that at 8:45 we are closing early because we. As a PIZZA PLACE. Ran out of dough AND CHEESE.

Thats how busy we were, and we didnt even get to go home until 10:30 because of the MOUNTAIN of dishes that was waiting for us at the end.

At least i got 62$ in tips

[1lizard-onemonkey]

My review of A Quiet Place: Day One

Early in the movie, there is a shot of New York in the background with a giant cemetery in the foreground

Good shot, very foreshadowing, much deep

Some shots from the trailers aren't in the movie or are adapted from a scene or two, but you can find out at what point in the movie those trailer bits happen

The piano and emotional music hit at the right spots

It almost got me

(I have never cried over a movie, i cried during

Wreck-It Ralph came close when it made me teary eyed, so it tentatively holds first place

Hachi: A Dog's Tale and Home don't count because something else was making me sad and the music wasnt helping

Moving on)

The scene where Sam first starts on her pizza journey, there's music that grows in intensity

I think that scene should've been silent

Just the wind and smoldering car sounds to really hit home the disaster and horror of the setting

Lastly, like everyone else, my Dad agreed that they (movie makers) missed something

How did people find out to stay quiet?

It's day one and the trailers make the promise of finding out how our world went silent

We know it's cause of aliens

But that moment of realization was what people were expecting

They (movie makers) definately had the time

The movie started at 2:15 and that's including previews, I checked the clock again at 4:20 after we got back in the car

They don't even have to change much

I think after Sam gets knocked out, we cut to Eric

So 1. we get introduced to him earlier

2. We find out along with the characters that they need to stay quiet

And 3. We find out how he got into the first flooded subway which I think would've added a bit more reasoning in him getting a panic attack in the second subway

He didnt want to be underwater again, and while introducing him gasping for breathe after surfacing from a flooded tunnel (and terminal I should add, he probably almost drowned at that part), it's a very short, simple explanation of his fear and then subsequent haze state

The trailers do show he survives, but another cut to black with him struggling underwater to go back to Sam waking up, I think it would've added to the tension and the movie overall

It doesnt even need to be long, start during the initial panic, we're already there, people think to go underground, monsters follow, people find out to stay quiet, subway floods, you think Eric's gonna drown, cut to Sam

Well, the movie never outright tells us that Sam, already dying, wants to get pizza because she already faces death everyday and nothing else matters (she gets better though) (in one aspect)

So we don't need a lot about Eric, he's not the main character either

But again, it would've added more, it could've hit a couple more points harder, I don't think it would've slowed the movie down at all, there certainly wouldn't be criticism about not seeing when people find out to stay quiet

That is all

[the-whispers-of-death]

im now thinking about the organization that deals with the hybrids who can come back to life

i imagine they have every single hybrid registered in the system, and for the cats specifically, how many time's theyve died already, just to know when they actually need to call the funeral services and whatnot, and noone gets buried alive accidentally.

maybe sylvester dies in a car wreck. so i feel like the organization would be the first to know, and take the body into their custody

yikes imagine being stone in this situation,, your husband appears in the news one day as a victim of a nasty car crash and at the same time mārīte starts getting loooong calls from some unknown person (its just a worker walking her trough it all so she knows what to expect. and they probably dont even have stone in the system of relatives because thats more documents to do and more people to talk to) and no matter who he may try to get in touch with, noone has the body

this is also probably when mārīte explains whats going on, but whether or not stone believes it is a different question.

i feel like stone would already be planning a closed casket funeral, and mārīte just has to be like "hey mo no no-! hes not dead. listen to me, give it a week. i promise that in a week's time, i can prove it to you that he's okay. im told he's in a hospital slash lab of sorts. and we can go there in a week. they just need time to update the systems"

ough. imagine when they finally get to the hybrid-hospital. and sylvester just looks. fine. a bunch of scars in places that were not there beforehand, and who healed inhumanly quick.

yknow how music sometimes helps wake people up from comas? that but with voices. its probably mārīte who does all the talking to him. i feel like stone accidentally went on silent guard-dog duty

imagine sylvester wakes up and the first thing he says is "... fuck.. this again?". worst thing you couldve ever said man. heavily implying he's lost lives before (he has. but only mārīte knew that. dont let stone look at those death records, its embarrassing)

i feel like stone can and will heavily protest him being kept there for even a day longer for observation. poor baby :(

i see him trying very hard to pull the "im a doctor, i can take care of him myself" card, only to be hit with "well, sure you can, but based on your reactions you didnt even know the traits some hybrids have. now let the professionals work!" by some very tired doctor.

anyways sylvester's a good patient. he's been trough this before, and is just really annoyed by the paperwork he'll have to fill out now, and by being forced to take medical leave

~ rusty

Stone is in hell.

First he thinks his husband is dead and so he's already spiraling. And then he's told that no, his husband has a nice trait which allows him to revive and have so many lives (lives that his husband has already used up before). And now he has to watch doctors he doesn't trust treat his husband because despite his medical degree, he doesn't know the first thing when it comes to hybrids that have multiple lives.

He just wants Sylvester home and safe. And at least Sylvester is one of those things right now. Hopefully. Stone's not entirely sure these doctors are safe though.

[komilys]

☔ + Spencer? ^-^ — @melosorbet

MELO TYSM FOR THE ASK IT DIDNT NOTIF ME??? thank you !! &lt;3 also i’m so mad bc i finished this but then tumblr glitched and deleted it.

☔ — f/o and s/i got caught in the rain... write about how they handle it! did either of them bring an umbrella?

“i told you.”

“and i told you, there’s no scientific backing to that— you guessed,” spencer said.

we got back from a case earlier than expected, the rest of the team had gone out for drinks. as fun as that sounded, a go around the shopping center sounded better today, and spencer wouldn’t have let me go alone. i told him to go home, that it seemed like it was going to rain— and spence isn’t the biggest fan of rain— but he insisted.

two hours in, an embarrassing amount of cash spent, a chatty spencer going on about mall statistics, and two coffees later the rain finally started trickling in. a little too fast.

“it’s gonna get real bad, spence,” i teased him. “store right across sells umbrellas.”

he brought his foam cup to his lips and stared at me. “we’re not buying a thirty dollar umbrella,” he took a sip. “we have like three already!”

i shrugged. “’cause you never listen to me.”

“you can’t just know when it’s going to rain! you have no experience in analysing anything to do with that, and the weather’s like the most fickle thing to predict!”

i started to pick up the shopping bags, trying my best to cover the things inside. the paper material didn’t help. reid got up, cleaning up the table to help.

“statistically meteorologists are more accurate than you think, but it’s still not a one hundred percent accurate.”

“nothing is, reid,” i added, pushing in our chairs and gently pushing him towards the exit. “’cept for me, of course.”

he laughed. “oh, oh of course,” he looks back at me as we exit the coffee shop, stopping abruptly before the rain hits us.

“mentally prepared yet?” he shook his head.

i grabbed his hand. “we’ll just close our eyes and run… that way,” i pointed to the direction of the parking lot. granted, it was… far. but if we ran really fast, maybe we wouldn’t even get wet!

“we’re going to get soaked.” it’s like he could read my mind.

“we’ll take a warm shower when we get back.” i swing our hands together, an effort to lighten his pessimistic words.

spencer continues. “i’m going to get sick,” before i could counter his point, he added: “but i like it.. when you take care of me, so it’s not so bad.”

i smiled. spencer wasn’t one to admit that, not really. i think he still felt awkward and was adjusting to having someone he could rely on other than himself. still, i was glad i could be that for him.

he was psyching himself up to step out, i could tell. he was watching as the rain hit the ground and rippled, his fingers fidgeting— maybe calculating the odds of whether he’d be better off buying the overpriced umbrella. before he could talk himself out of it, i let go his hand and stepped into the rain, stomping in the puddle a little, chuckling. my glasses were getting foggy.

“what are you doing?!” spencer cried. “you’re gonna get sick, ki!”

spencer, or the blob that was spencer, was frantically moving his head in all directions, looking at all the people around us, i assumed. he was embarrassed by me, how cute.

i motioned for him to join me, and told him to hurry up so we could get to the car already. he shook his head.

“speeeenncee,” i whined. “come on, we can go home and i’ll make some soup for us—” his home, technically, but it felt like mine too. “get in the rain, spence.”

he looked at a loss. “are you crazy.. y..you’re so annoying!”

“as are you, doctor.” i smiled.

i put my hand out, waiting for him to take it. the bags were absolutely soaked and ruined by now.

there was a quiet squeak before i heard the splash and felt him grab my hand. he took it quicker than i thought, catching me off guard and even more so the way he ran instantly. i almost tripped over my feet and he practically dragged me the first few steps. i tried to tell him to slow down— (‘i have smaller legs, spencer!’), but all i got in response was a correction about my usage of ‘small’ rather than ‘short’.

i was sure people were looking now. even as we sped by. at least it would make for a good story, if odd, to tell on their way home or as they got ready for dinner. seeing two twenty-somethings running through an outdoor shopping centre as it pours. if anything, i hoped they’d notice the way spencer took my hand and how he tightly held on, and how when he did it was more than just him choosing to run through the rain. i hoped, at least.

[milkhoney531]

Personal rant, cancer, abuse, suicidal thoughts

So, today, last year, my mom died from cancer.

My mom and I didn't have a great relationship. A lot of mixed feelings. She liked a carefully curated version of me that she made up out of my existing traits. She liked the me that is good with kids, creative, helpful, got good grades, responsible, and that pretended to be a straight girl.

I liked the mom I had before I came out at 13. The one that was supportive, that pretended to be pro lgbt (until it was her kids), the one that was kind and didn't try to use my abuse against me or threaten to throw me out at any little inconvenience.

My mom loved a specifically crafted version of me and I loved a mom that I learned didn't exist. That didn't exist for me. But that version of mom existed for my siblings. After her death, I learned they got an even nicer version. A real version. One that would take care of my siblings when they were sick, cheer them up when they were sad, and even taught them secret recipes or told them family secrets.

Things she never did with me. If I was sick, even if I had a fever and was vomiting, she never believed me and would send me to school or when I was too old for her to force me she would belittle me, doubt me, tell me I was throwing away my future, and wouldn't ever help me. When I was sad, down right depressed or suicidal, she turned a blind eye or told me to suck it up.

But for my siblings, if they were sick she would take care of them. She would feed them, put on movies, let them play video games, let them relax. Not me. I had to clean and I had to do nothing but lay in bed or do homework. If my siblings were sad, she would comfort them and do something special with them. Not me, never me.

No matter what I did for her or the family, I was always unworthy because of who I was. Because I have autism, because I'm not cis, because I'm not straight.

I think she saw my mere existence as a slight against her.

I was only worthy of her if I went above and beyond to serve her and the family, even if that ment I was left off worse.

Like how in middle school I had to leave school early, by myself, to walk home rain or thunderstorm to get home before my siblings so i could care for the dogs, get dinner started, do the chores, and help my siblings with their homework.

Once there was even a really bad thunderstorm, the town was literally flooded, lightning was striking everywhere and I walked home in that. I took my usual shortcut through the park and a family of skunks just walked past me like I wasn't there. I didnt have an umbrella at least. I was soaked head to toe. I got home, changed, and did my normal routine. My siblings didn't walk home and were able to take the bus. When my mom got home she asked why I didn't call anyone to pick me up. I lied and said my phone died, but in truth, I didn't think anyone would pick me up, I didn't think that was an option. If I ever needed help or would like it, I was told to figure things out myself. So I did because I had learned that I'm not worthy of being helped, that if I had to rely on anyone else for anything, that I should prepare to be disappointed. That I shouldn't expect or bother to ask for help.

Honestly, when I went to college, I was planning to never come back home. I was planning how to take my siblings out of her custody because while I was gone, my little sister started getting hit by my mom.

But she got cancer and I dropped everything. I came back to help. I helped so my two youngest siblings wouldn't have to worry. So they could have more of their childhood. A childhood I never got.

She died May 16th, 2022. And I still don't know how I feel about her. So I didnt write today. Writing a story about surviving prolonged abuse and one about angels and demons was too close to home, especially today. So, I tried to sleep away this day, only to fail.