#when i say hannibal is my comfort show i MEAN IT i'm not just trying to sound edgy

[smokedanced]

me, watching the episode with That Scene of will graham "being the murderer" and going shh shh shh as he kills the nurse: ah, yes, my comfort show.

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 2

Propaganda under the cut

Erina Pendleton

Erina is SO MUCH MORE than just a "Generic Love Interest" that was brought in the story to continue the bloodline after everything that happens (and it's made abundantly clear time and time and TIME AGAIN that she means everything to Jonathan, to a point that she was his exact reason to standing up against Dio for the first time) but without fail she's only ever allowed to be the supportive best friend. Or a wingman for Jonathan and whoever he's being shipped with. Or simply supposed to sit there and allow her husband to have a male lover (the amount of posts I've seen of ppl using the excuse that 'it was very common back in the Victorian Era for men to keep male lovers that their wives were aware of and quietly accepted so it isn't a stretch to say that Erina and Jonathan wouldn't be the same--especially given how progressive she's written". Or of course my favorite when they completely erase her from the narrative and pretends she doesn't exist Jonathan's got their son for some reason, but nope she ain't there! 

a lot of times ppl who ship her CANON HUSBAND jonathan joestar with speedwagon will put her on the back burner of HER OWN CANON RELATIONSHIP in favor of propping up jonawagon, to the point where 90% of the archive for jonawagon/jonawagon(eri) is either erina giving jonathan and speedwagon consent to be happy together while she acts like a #LoveIsLove wingman OR they'll have the audacity to write fics where erina comforts speedwagon at HER HUSBAND'S FUNERAL

Our hero’s hot wife who was the first (and arguably) only person to give him the emotional support he needed. She’s the only person who never expects him to fulfill some mythical role, she just loves him for who he is. She’s been his best friend and the love of his life since he was 12 years old. When it comes to hero/sidekick ship, she’s forced to be a wing woman for her own husband, either nobly letting him go or peacefully agreeing to an open relationship but only for him!!! She gets nothing out of it, she’s just a good Victorian wife who is “ahead of her time”. Usually, just so she can provide a womb so that the hero/sidekick can be dads and she can conveniently be offscreen. OR she’s written as a lesbian in order to completely and “justifiably” take her out of the equation but there’s a.) no other woman in her vicinity to even ship her with b.) there’s vaguely some faceless, nameless woman we’re meant to assume she’s pursuing, not even a real OC for her.

Alana Bloom

she kissed will graham in s1 and dated hannibal in s2 so you can imagine how bad the fandom is to her. fun fact she's in a canon lesbian relationship now tho <3

The show literally does the yaoi treatment of victimisation for the benefit of the male leads to her. And then the fandom mistreats her

I'm not sure if this even counts but...Literally a victim of Yaoi along with several other characters in-series, but she got it almost the worst. The entire show is just people dying because the two male leads are OBSESSED with each other and can't be normal about anything. Alana Bloom, actual PhD of psychology and consultant to the FBI, got kissed by one guy, fucked and fed people-meant by the other, and pushed out a window by the murder husbands' forced-surrogate daughter. Like. Actual victim of several crimes caused by yaoi. She's probably one of the few examples of a Yaoi Victim overcoming and evolving past her yaoi-related trauma into a stronger person/character, though: She gets an entire character overhaul and a hot, millionairess for a wife. She kills a man with an eel. She becomes head of the BSHCI, effectively putting her in complete power over her jackass cannibal ex-bf. She does quite well. Unfortunately, the rest of her screen time is spent trying not to get killed in the ongoing fallout of Hannibal and Will's fucked up courtship, but hey. Can't have everything. I don't even know if I'm saying anything valid here: the fandom loves her, but I supposed her position outside of the Hannigram relationship relegates her to a non-subject in a lot of Hannigram-focused fanwork. She's an 'obstacle' to their relationship only in the sense that Will had a crush on her once that went nowhere and Hannibal started an actual relationship with her SPECIFICALLY to piss off Will. I guess she's also a more literal obstacle as Hannibal's jailer and Will's friend who's constantly pointing out to him that Morals exist and he should try having some of those, maybe.

[voids-ideas]

Hi, this is my main blog. Where I throw (reblog) almost anything I see

Below the "read more" you can find a lot of information that may or may not be important

Here I just want to say:

Hi again, please do not insult anyone in my posts or where I can see it, or in general, idk. Respect everyone, It's not that hard

Warnings

One of the things I must warn you is that I am often on the phone and just give fast reblog, so many things are not usually tagged.

I think it's worth mentioning that I occasionally reblog things that are sexual content or +18 in general… in my defense, I'm over 18.

I hope it doesn't happen, but I do occasionally enter debates. I apologize but it's a guilty pleasure. I know they serve no purpose, but I like to argue with people

Interactions

I love any interaction that happens on any of my accounts, reblogs, messages, likes, asks, if you do any of those things I probably screamed with excitement when I saw it

In the case of asks and messages, there is the possibility that I am slow to respond, I tend to panic in social interactions

Also I recently remembered that I've always liked to give advice, I don't know if I'm too good at it, but if at some point you want to try asking an internet random stranger…. you have my permission to talk to me, as long as I feel comfortable giving advice on the subject, I will give you some advice or idk

Blogs (Why the fuck is there no yellow I wanted to make the damn flag)

Good omens obsession here, good omens obsession there: @im-the-j-in-anthony-j-crowley

Helluva boss and Hazbin hotel over here: @mrfancytalkcreepyvoice

If you don't know anything about aftg I really ask you to find out about the trigger warning first, but this is my aftg blog: @neiljostenmakesmyday

Blog where I sometimes share things about disability: @all-the-things-i

And this is my main blog. I define it as: Chaos

Fandoms

Things you may (or may not) see on this blog:

Good omens

Our flag means death

Interview with the vampire

Percy Jackson

Grishaverse

House MD

She-ra and the princesses of power

All for the game

The hunger games

Willow

Heartstopper

Heartbreak High

Hannibal

Prodigal son

Hazbin Hotel

Helluva Boss

Marvel

Star wars

Nimona

The magnus archives

Doctor who

Dead boy detectives

The sandman

Tags

I don't remember all the tags I've used, but I remember some of them (I'll add the link to them as soon as I get my pc and remember to do it):

Jay attempts to draw possibly there are drawings here, warning: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRAW

Jay and... Jay what are you doing? You figure out what I was doing here, because I definitely didn't know.

Jay cries about some misfortune that happened to them in minecraft self-explanatory

Jay watches shows and pretends they have something relevant to say about them

Jay listens to podcasts and demonstrates zero comprehension of what they hears

Jay makes nonsense comments about books they read

For a relatively organized list of the things I have discussed there is this post

About me

I like cats. That's all.

...

Well, no. I'm in my 20s, recently diagnosed with adhd and autism (before that I had self diagnosis), I am in evaluation for chronic pain and other things, I identify as greysexual, greyromantic, agender (sometimes non-binary), bi, among other things.

I have trouble explaining things, and I define myself as a joke, in the way that my life is full of comical situations in which I am at the centre

[wizardrps]

Wanted: RP Partner(s)

Howdy! So long story short, I am once again getting back into roleplaying, and so I thought I'd make this silly little side blog to try and find some people to roleplay with! Soooo let's get on with it!!!

About me:

My name is Jessie, I'm nonbinary, and my pronouns are they/he! I'm a current college student, so I tend to get very busy out of nowhere. My style is what you'd call advanced literate/novella. I write only in 3rd person. I also have a habit of writing a lot. I have been writing and roleplaying for 10 whole years (I have a lot of stories about my rp history. It's kind of embarrassing lol).

As a little disclaimer regarding my response timing: like I mentioned, I'm currently in my undergrad and my schedule can be hectic. Some days, I'm not busy at all and that means I'm free to respond whenever. However, some days I'm super busy and cannot respond. I try my hardest to be as open and communicative with my roleplay partners as possible. That being said, I do not expect a response immediately after I respond. Take as much time as you need! I know that you have a life outside of roleplaying just as much as I do.

Preferences for Roleplay Partners:

I am over 18, so I am... a little uncomfortable with roleplaying certain themes and topics with people who are underaged. Under no circumstances will I roleplay NSFW with a minor. Please, for the love of all things that are good, do not lie about your age just so you can roleplay NSFW with me. I was 14 at some point too and got upset when adults wouldn't roleplay with me either, but trust me when I say it has nothing to do with your maturity or you as a person. It is for both of our safety and well-being.

As for the topic of NSFW, no porn-without-plots. I don't mind nsfw, but I really don't like it to be the bulk of a roleplay. It gets boring really quick for me.

Please be literate! I'm definitely not an amazing writer and don't expect you to be one either. I'm not a stickler for grammar or stuff like that, but literacy is important to me.

Last but not least, someone who is willing to talk OOC! The most fun I've ever had with roleplays was when I've roleplayed with people who have talked to me OOC. Whether it's about the roleplay or anything about your life, talk to me!!! We don't have to be best friends, but I like to think of roleplaying as a good way to make some really cool friends that I can basically work on a story with :) There's no obligation to always be talking to me, but talking from time to time is nice.

The fun stuff!!! What I'm looking for:

Fandom or OC! I lean towards OC, but if there's a fandom we both enjoy that I can comfortably write a character from, then let's do it! My main genres of interest are: high/dark fantasy, modern fantasy, horror/psychological thriller, pretty much any historical fiction especially if it is medieval or takes place in the last 200 years, some sci-fi, or anything that gives Life is Strange vibes. I'm down for realistic fiction settings, but I usually prefer the other stuff.

Ships. As a queer person, I prefer lgbt relationship dynamics. I'm comfortable with straight ships, but they're just not what I'm used to. Most of my OCs are guys, but I have gals, nonbinary, and trans people also thrown into the mix of my endless batch of OCs. Also, platonic ships are welcomed!

Fandoms:

If you are looking to roleplay a fandom, here's what I'm currently into/what I'm willing to roleplay! A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones, the Witcher(show, books up to a certain point I left off at lol), the Elder Scrolls, Dragon Age (all 3 games), Hannibal, and Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit (movies and books I guess?)

No/no's:

Things that will get you immediately blocked if you try to pull include: non-con, incest, s/a, children in any sexual context, or any fetishes that have to do with bodily fluids.

Things that are iffy/icks: romanticization of mental illness (i.e. if you haven't done the research to be able to correctly pull of an interpretation of a character with ASPD, don't do it), abusive relationships, and dub-con.

Disclaimer: these are things that I am not okay writing into detail about. For example, if your character has a past of being abused, I am okay with having the subject touched upon. However, I am not comfortable writing an abusive relationship where my OC is abusive towards yours, or vice versa. Please just be respectful and speak to me OOC prior to bringing up any of these subjects.

Anyhoodles, that's about it! Sorry this post is long and drawn out. If you're interested in roleplaying, please interact with this post via comment or like, or message me! My main means of roleplaying is through discord. My discord tag is WizardLizard#2018. Please bare in mind that I get busy (and last time I made one of these posts I got absolutely swamped with responses and got overwhelmed), so it might take me a little while to get back to you! No matter what I will respond, though!

[queerlyloud]

It's finally Spoopy Season again, so I would like to offer up just a few of my favorite Spoopy WLW stories. I'll do two for each type of media. 👭🎃👻

Please note: I will NOT be including trigger warnings for this list. I am putting it together because I want to provide a useful resource but I am not cataloging these works and I definitely won't be including any kind of professional reviews. I just want to offer up some Stories I Like, and if you're interested in any of them, you can do further research on your own. :)

🌸TERFS can Fuck Off 🌸

First, Podcasts! I looooove podcasts this time of year, they do so much for queer horror fans!

1. Mabel

This podcast is one of my ALL TIME FAVORITES, I listen to it over and over again because it does the Fae as the eldritch horror creatures they are but also the romantic and often tragic figures they are and, most of all, as Not Human, and I just... deeply appreciate the entire aesthetic of this show. It is told through a series of voicemails left by two women trying to reach each other across impossible boundaries and I am just so here for it. 😭💕

2. Alice Isn't Dead

This podcast is soooo creepy, but it also explores grief and loss and what it means to go on afterwards. Told through radio transmissions from Kesha, a long-haul trucker out looking for the wife who had been pronounced dead, only to show up on a random news broadcast months later, and then again and again, always at the scene of some unbelievable atrocity. The story follows Kesha's journey as she tries to work through the betrayal of being left to mourn by the one she'd once trusted most and solve the mystery of what exactly had led her wife to abandon their home after more than a decade of building it together.

Next, my favorite Spoopy WLW shows! These give me so many feelings, and they are wildly different but I like them, and this is my list, so. 😌

1. Killing Eve

I KNOOOOOWWWW, alright, I KNOW it isn't technically a Spoopy Season pick, but it IS an awesome psychological horror (my favorite kind 🥰) which revolves around the twisted and complicated relationship between two women who are each, in their own ways, deeply fascinated, even obessessed with murder and death, and in their pursuit of it, end up becoming equally obsessed with each other. This show makes me so happy because it is unapologetically horrific but also somehow beautiful. I always think of this as the WLW Hannibal, and I stand by that. If you've ever hung out with mlm and also wlw, you'll know what I mean.

2. The Haunting of Bly Manor

This one is so soft! It has so many feelings and I would argue that there is only one (maybe one and a half) genuinely scary characters in the entire thing, which I know makes it almost not qualify for horror wlw, but it has the horror stuff in it (ghosts, murders, and creepy kids, oh my!) This one is my comfort spoop, so if you're looking for something a little less intense this Spoopy Season, this may be the watch for you. I watch it whenever I wanna let myself feel Big, Soft Feelings but also be vaguely creeped out, and also wanna look at lots of pretty ladies doing pretty lady things. All I have to say is:

🥰😍💖 Carla Gugino 💖 😍🥰

Finally, books! I'm going to rec a couple of books that I've either never or almost never seen recced. We all know about Gideon the Ninth (go read it 💕), but these books are ones that really did it for me when I read them and both of them were books I took a chance on and didn't regret it.

1. The Haunting of Heatherhurst Hall by Sebastian Nothwell

I've already written an actual review for this lesbian Gothic horror (I am using the word lesbian on purpose here, because it is the word the author used to describe it and it is important for textual context). This book is so gruesome and macabre and psychologically horrifying and simultaneously ethereal and grounded in the way it presents the story, a reflection of the characters of the two leads, as they are dragged into the tangled web of the seemingly cursed Heatherhurst Hall and the twisted ties of the bonds they've built with each other. If you love Gothic horror, old black and white movies, or scary lesbians, this is the story for you! Just be warned, this story is definitely not for the squeamish.

2. Women of the Dark Streets: Lesbian Paranormal edited by Radclyffe and Stacia Seaman

Hoo, buddy, this one is a MASSIVELY mixed bag. It is a collection of lesbian short stories, sometimes erotic, sometimes not, sometimes unabashedly horrific, sometimes softer. Some stories are phenomenal, some are terrible, and some are in between, but for me, the ones I loved have stuck with me for years. I DNF several of the stories, but I also read and reread some of them over and over again. Definitely visit Goodreads to get a feel for which stories sound right for you before just diving in, because a few are definitely triggering. I love horror that doesn't apologize for being horror, so this book held a lot of appeal for me, and if that's your jam, it might be an awesome chance for you to find some new favorite short stories, too. I'll say it again just in case, though, this might be one to miss if you're squeamish.

So there are my Spoopy WLW reccs for this Spoopy Season. Idk if anyone will read this, or if I just wasted an hour of my life writing a long post no one will ever see, but either way, it was a fun thing to do and if it helps even one other person, I think I'll call it good. Wishing all of you the very best Halloween. 🧡🎃👻

[hekateinhell]

Lestat next episode “she’s poisoning you against me”…..He beat Louis nearly to death and dropped him from the gotdamn sky, he poisoned himself. Nice to know though that Lestat considers it to be the equivalent of throwing a dish and doesn’t see what the big deal is. Lestat’s dumb but not this stupid. Not sure what the writers are trying to do here because even after seeing Louis’ broken and mangled body he doesn’t even blink and the preview makes it sound as though he doesn’t even feel real remorse. Lestat’s a vicious little gremlin but you get the sense he truly loves Louis and Claudia and would never actually truly harm them, he wants them to stay so badly and I think even he would know that something like this is a point of no return. This Lestat has no love for Claudia and is just obsessed with Louis in the worst way possible. I’m sad cause I love the characters, I love the actors and this all just felt so OOC. Also, people saying Lestat’s actions are just as bad as when Claudia tries to kill Lestat 🥲

Sorry I know you don’t watch the show but I had to vent lol

Actually I do, because I'm a fucking masochist. I AM done after today though.

I wanted to like it! Genuinely, I wanted to be proven wrong and I wanted to be having a good time along with three-fourths of fandom! Every week I would watch with my friends and wonder what's wrong with me, what am I not getting? I WANTED TO HAVE FUN TOO GODDAMN IT.

Didn't help that you got outright bullied for expressing the slightest bit of criticism around here lmao maybe that's what gave the impression that I don't watch it, since I did not have anything nice to say at all. I tried making my own tag so people could just block THAT and I wouldn't be raining on anyone's parade, but it doesn't stop those who are committed to creeping on your page (hi babes) so ANYWAY

I mean... I AGREE. And I never saw Lestat in Samstat, and given how he swung in like Homelander in Episode 1, I just felt... but then also like... I DIDN'T WANT THIS!!! I still haven't regained full coherency as you can see, I'm gonna need 3-5 business days at least.

Because Lestat did never and Lestat would never. I've said it many times with great affection: Lestat's an idiot but he ain't stupid.

This quote has been going around today, and I've been carrying it too to comfort my Loustat friends because the girlies are hurting in a bad, bad way (and tbh so am I):

Yet I couldn't hurt him. I couldn't even conceive of carrying out such awful, cowardly threats. I could never have brought harm to Claudia. Ah, to make something out of nothing, yes. To throw up the pieces to see how they will fall, yes. But vengeance. Ah, arid awful distasteful vengeance. What is it to me? ~ Lestat, TotBT

I can't envision AMC Hannibal/Homelander-Lestat as either IWTV-Lestat or TVL-onward Lestat. Plain and simple--it is an OC. They all are.

Even if AMC retcons it by the next episode, I just don't see any editorial justification for that to have happened on-screen without content warnings (yeah, I'm not going to let this one go). 

We talk about exposition and the art of a narrative a lot and not to sound ignorant but... RJ, BRUH. I don't blame the actors! Actors don't make the decisions on set and Sam, Jacob, and Bailey killed it with what they were given. And I have given them their props since day one.

IDK I'm sorry for anyone who got hurt today, honestly! The Doctor prescribes reading your favourite hurt/comfort fics and scrolling through your emotional support fan artists. ♥️

[k-s-morgan]

I'm pretty curious: what are your thoughts on Bedelia? Because I personally really disliked her and was honestly shocked when I discovered how many people on tumblr not only disagree but actually see her as a role model? Like, for me, she has no positive qualities. You could say she's curious and brave but no, she's just indecisive. She's curious in theory but when real life comes it turns out she's not brave enough for what she was curious about and also not brave enough to get out of it, so

she's always stuck somewhere in the middle, constantly biting off more than she can chew and convincing herself that she's there by her own choice and calculation. I think that in many situations she wants to see herself and so poses as someone way superior than is the case. And ok, she is smart, but because of her other flaws, she doesn't act on it. People glorify so much her outsmarting Hannibal after Florence but like, she could've just get him arrested at any moment?

She didn't need all these charades, she wasn't supervised. Or of course she could've just shot him or call FBI in Mizumono. And then she tries to act all superior with Will, but gets everything wrong with who was behind the veil, and the talk about being naked? The fact that she shows different emotions doesn't mean she hidden them so well but rather that she doesn't have such devastating emotions as Will. She showed plainly how unprepared she was to go there and how despite what she thinks of herself she doesn't fit Hannibal's nietzschean superhuman concept. For me Alana for example is a strong woman here, who learns and works over her trauma. Bedelia is too self-absorbed to even admit she made any mistakes. I'm sorry this ask grew into such monstrosity but I felt the need to explain my point of view and I would really love to hear someone's else (whose analysis I really respect) perspective because it's been seriously baffling me for a long time now

------------------------------------------

Hello! This is such an interesting ask, I really enjoyed hearing your thoughts on Bedelia. I agree with your analysis, although funnily, it's because of this that I like Bedelia :D She's definitely no role model in general, and I disagree with Bryan that she's the smartest character because I don't think any of her actions indicate it.

You are right, Bedelia is a very self-absorbed character. She's also self-sustained: I feel like she could happily live her whole life as the only person on Earth. She's cold and calculating; she has a high self-esteem and a painfully strong sense of curiosity - the problem is, it's mostly theoretical in nature. For example, Bedelia enjoys the idea of taking life, and she seems to have enjoyed the actual moment of it, but what comes next terrifies her. She doesn't like the consequences, she doesn't like the blood; she's scared about being caught and readily asks for help from a man who set this whole situation up. What fascinated her in theory turned out to be much uglier in practice, so she quickly retired and chose to isolate herself to avoid doing something like this again. She follows the same pattern of behavior with Hannibal.

Bedelia always knew that Hannibal is dangerous, but she still continued therapy with him, genuinely trying to understand him, too fascinated to back off. She says she tried to refer him to another doctor, but based on their interactions, she truly enjoys sessions with him, likely because she feels in control. In S1, when Hannibal reaches out, she backs away, never letting him close but keeping him interested enough to keep him coming to see her. It’s like she’s playing a game of her own, getting to know this man in a person suit, understanding she’s the only one he can more or less confide in, and enjoying her power. But the balance begins to shift when Will appears and when Bedelia realizes she underestimated the depth of Hannibal’s depravity. Hannibal is focused on Will entirely now, he doesn’t need Bedelia all that much, and she doesn’t like it because losing Hannibal’s interest means becoming disposable. Things become too real, so she freaks out and runs.

Another shift comes when she sees him after Mizumono and agrees to escape with him. Bedelia thinks she holds control again: Will is gone, Hannibal is a wreck who desperately needs council, and she feels confident about her own importance. Hannibal tells her, “I never found you to be lacking,” which she likely takes as a certainty that she’s never been disposable, after all. In that shower scene, it’s obvious how she gradually relaxes and becomes lazily arrogant. She thinks she can step forward now, getting to know Hannibal even better, behind the veil, being the one who’ll gather the pieces of him, and also satisfying her curiosity along with a morbid and mostly latent fascination with darkness, as well as basking in knowledge that someone as dangerous and unique as Hannibal needs her.

All these motivations are gone as soon as she understands that Hannibal is not only not over Will but that he’s also casually planning to kill her (in E1 of S3). She didn’t expect it, based on her reaction, at least not this soon. That’s where Bedelia starts another game with the aim to survive. But like you mentioned, even then, she's not just fighting to win - she's fighting for a good and comfortable life for herself.

Bedelia is afraid of going to prison and she is afraid of alienating Hannibal. She doesn't know if Hannibal will actually be caught, and that's why she tries to stay in the middle: she's setting him up, but covertly, sitting in front of the cameras instead of going to the police directly. Later, she tries hard to stay interesting and get Hannibal to support her alibi - Bedelia has no desire to be on the run forever. She wants her comfortable life back. The second she has it, when Hannibal is locked away, she relaxes and exploits him to earn more money and get more attention. She doesn't need people, not really, but at the same time, she enjoys being needed by them.

She overestimates herself repeatedly, like she does with Hannibal and then with Will. She cannot bear the thought that Hannibal considers her disposable while worshipping the ground Will walks on - it offends her, so she's starting talking to Will to get a better grasp on him and see for herself how he's irrelevant and Hannibal is just stupid for being fixated on him. Alas, she's wrong, and this time, she becomes dinner because in many ways, Will is an even more dangerous opponent than Hannibal.

I love Bedelia, though - I consider her a very interesting character exactly because of her flaws. It's fascinating to me how she considers herself superior and yet ends up being fatally wrong about so many important things; I also find her preference of theory to practice, observation to participation unusual and interesting.

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Sommelier (Hannigram x Female!Reader) pt. 20

Shit goes sideways for y/n and Hannibal as they search for Will. 

@dovahdokren @deadman-inc-bikeshop @lov3vivian @wisesandwichshark @scpdragon 

Trigger warnings: stalking, threats of violence, implied threats of sex abuse

Your text notification sound rang over and over. You pulled yourself out of the abyss of sleep, slowly regaining your lucidity. You checked the time. 3:45AM.

The room was dark, a plush blanket was draped over your body, and Hannibal was nowhere to be seen. It was clear he had no intention of waking you up. You resigned to chew him out about that later. For now, you had to attend to what seemed like the thousands of text messages piling up in your notifications. 

But they weren’t text messages. They were comments on all your reddit posts. Dozens of them, all from different burner accounts, and they all said the same thing. 

u/lostlamb928723: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

u/fallenone736139: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

u/ledastray372935: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

You threw the blanket off your legs, scrolling through the overwhelming mass of biblical spam. You saw the silver lining immediately: Chase wouldn’t be fucking with you if you weren’t close. 

“Hannibal!” You called out, eyes scanning the dark house for any sign of him. He wouldn’t have gone to bed. You let the blood return to your legs before standing up, stretching and searching the house. 

You could hear the beginnings of a storm brewing outside. The ambient pitter-patter of rain was usually a source of comfort, but the abrupt claps of thunder out of nowhere put you on edge. You tiptoed around the massive house, eyes up for anything out of place. 

“Hannibal?” You whispered, peering through the threshold into the kitchen. You hadn’t noticed how scary his kitchen was until then. It was large, cold and uninviting, especially when it was only illuminated by the occasional bolt of lightning. 

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, over and over and over. More of the same, no doubt. 

A hand found your shoulder and you jumped out of your skin. You screamed. It took a second to realize that it was just Hannibal, and not your sleep paralysis demon come to life. 

“It’s just me, darling.” He soothed, putting both hands on your shoulders. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“Fucking hell, Hannibal.” You cursed, trying to catch your breath. “Maybe you could have at least answered when I called your name.” 

“I’m sorry.” He stroked your hair, knowing it would soothe your nerves. "I was in the office and I couldn't hear you."

"Why is everything so dark?" You asked.

“The storm knocked out the power about half an hour ago." He explained. The nuances in his voice suggested that this was only one of several inconveniences. "I was hoping it would be back on by the time you woke up.” 

"Damn, just when I thought we were getting close." You muttered, pulling your phone from your back pocket. "Here, take a look at this-"

You unlocked your phone and showed him the mass of notifications.

"Strange." He commented. "How are you getting notifications if the power is out?"

"Huh." You furrowed your brow and looked at your phone. “If the power is out, that means the Wi-Fi is down, right?” 

“Thus the source of my confusion.” He said.  

You opened your phone and saw that you were getting four bars of WiFi. “Then how on earth are all these notifications coming through?” 

“Your cellular, perhaps?” He asked, looking over your shoulder.

You shook your head. The network was just a strand of ten numbers. "No, this is... a hotspot? Is your phone putting out a mobile hotspot?” 

"I'm afraid not." He lowered his head. “Would your phone connect to a hotspot being put out by some random source?” 

“I don’t know, I-- Wait.” You cut yourself off. “Oh no.” 

“What is it?” 

“Hannibal, call Will’s phone.” You said, frantically.

He was compliant, but he could never be comfortable taking orders from someone without knowing why. His motions were slow and he let the silence linger, urging you to fill it with an explanation.

You rubbed your temples. "When I was in Wolf Trap, Will set up a hotspot for me to call my mom. My phone probably recognized it and connected automatically when the power went out."

A distant, but audible rumbling came from just outside the front door. He caught on as soon as the sound hit his ear. A peek out the window confirmed your worst fears. A phone with a shattered screen was laid directly in eyeshot. You could make out Hannibal’s call icon. 

“Shit.” You cursed. “They found us.” 

Like clockwork, your phone began to ring. An unlisted number appeared on the screen. You looked at it, and then back at Hannibal.

"Answer." He said. "Let him think you're alone."

Hesitantly, you slid the green answer icon across the screen and put the caller on speaker. 

“Hello?” You answered, your voice trembling. 

“[F/N] [L/N].” Will’s strained voice croaked from the receiver. “My favorite sinner.” 

You shared a look of relief with Hannibal. You grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Will, oh my god, you’re alive!” 

“So you believe in god now?” Will said through his teeth. You weren’t talking to Will. You were talking to Chase. Will was just his current in a long line of surrogate bodies he used and disposed of. 

“Chase,” Your voice lowered with severity. “If you hurt him, I swear to shit, I will not hesitate to paint the walls with your insides.” 

“Be careful little ears what you hear, be careful little ears what you hear” Will read off. “For the father up above is looking down in love...” 

“Chase, you sick fuck.” You shouted. “Pull that dick out of your mouth and talk to me yourself.” 

“If you want to talk to me...” Will struggled. “Come here yourself.” 

You looked at Hannibal for any sort of direction. In your silence, Chase continued to make his puppet talk. 

“Since you seem to be having some trouble finding me,” Will said. “The directions are on your boyfriend’s phone. I left it on the porch for you.” 

“Yeah, I found it.” You spat. 

“Next time, don’t leave yourself so vulnerable by posting on public forums.” He said. “Some psycho may have found you before I did. Oh, and [F/N]?”

“What?” You snapped. 

“No cops. No FBI.” Will said, pain in every word.

You just couldn't take it anymore. "What the hell do you want from me?"

“I want to have a conversation about god’s true love.” Will wretched as he spoke. You had a sickening feeling that Will was privy to what that 'conversation' would really entail.

You wanted to vomit. You could picture the look on Chase’s face, flashing his unnaturally white teeth at the idea of finally having you. Doing fuck-knows-what to you. Using Will’s mouth to say it. Tormenting the man you’d come to love. You channeled your disgust into rage. 

“I’ll see you in fucking Borrasca.” You snarled. 

[early20sfailingplenty]

Would you feel comfortable with sharing the story how Hannibal saved your life and how you got the idea to get a tattoo? I'm quite curious and would love to hear it, but didn't want to overstep any boundaries 💕

Hi nonnie!!

I don’t see why not! I mean, it happened to me in 2017 and ended in 2018 so while it’s not a fresh event, the trauma I sustained still follows me every day.

Okay so first, a warning list - trauma (not sure what kind), abuse (emotional, psychological; there were others but these two types are specific to what you’re asking about so they’re the only ones written about and listed), fear, I address Hannibal as a real person in this response, suicidal ideation/passively suicidal (past; I no longer feel this way). THIS IS A HEAVY POST WHICH IS HARD TO TAKE, BE WARNED.

If any of the above may negatively affect you in any way, please skip this post.

I was in an abusive situation which, to this day, I still blame myself for. If I’d’ve been stronger mentally, I could have stopped it happening. I saw all the red flags, all the warning signs, felt myself begin to die from the inside (if my heart was a flower, it was withering more and more every day and all the colours in life seemed to become more grey-shade with every day I spent with them), but I was too damn scared to do anything about it. I didn’t know what was happening, what to do, how to get out, etc. Looking back, I feel like I was just a baby then, barely 19. Far too young. (Not that there’s ever a ‘good age’ for shit like this, but you know what I mean.)

There was four of them; a family. Not mine, obviously, but I was friends with one at first and then I ended up becoming friends with all of them and dating one of them. I had no idea that this was a ploy they had planned between them. Basically, they got me convinced within less than a year that they were the only ones who were capable of loving me, that my parents hated me (they echoed my deep conversations back at me blah blah you know how this kind of abuse goes), that I was very lucky to have them and I should be more grateful to them… so why not move 600 miles away from home to live with them? (Online friendships to begin with but I was in constant demand; I had to always be online, message them back instantly, Skype them every day, and if I didn’t, they’d get super mad and I had to balance my time with all four of them or they’d say I was neglected them, I was a bad friend, I was this and that… and this was going on while I was doing my A-Levels and dealing with, at the time, undiagnosed coeliacs disease, so I was also very physically sick and it was just a super fucking dark period of my life).

When I moved in with them, I was controlled. What I ate, when I ate, what money I spent, what money I gave them (financial abuse), what music I listened to, the films I watched, the shows I enjoyed, when I called my parents (and one of them would sit in the room with me to make sure I didn’t say anything I shouldn’t and after the call, they’d tell me I was cold-hearted and didn’t seem happy to speak to my parents and again, wasn’t I so lucky that they loved me? No one else ever would)… all of me was stripped away, essentially, and every part of me was examined, thrown away and they tried to swap it for something ‘better’. Something they liked, something they approved of. I say ‘they’ because all four of them were actively doing it. I was in a very bad, very scary situation. To this day I have no fucking idea how I survived emotionally, let alone got away in the literal sense. I was there living with them for a month before I found the courage to leave.

So, exposition out of the way, we now come to Hannibal.

They genuinely believed that my love of Hannibal - the overarching franchise as well as the character - made me at huge risk of becoming an in real life cannibal (yeah, I can hear you rolling your eyes - the emotional beat down I took for trying to defend myself almost wasn’t worth it). I needed serious help, they said, and I wasn’t allowed anything to do with Hannibal. They were going to save me from myself, wasn’t I so lucky? No pictures - they stole my phone and deleted all the pictures, saved fan songs etc. No GIFs. No watching it. I wasn’t even allowed to think about him, they said, and by that stage I was so under their thumb that I had so much guilt every time I thought of him. “No, Erika, no Hannibal. Not anymore.” But three weeks into living with them, I found myself beginning to resist. Small ways. “How the fuck are they gonna know, Erika? You can think about Hannibal, it’s okay, they won’t know.”

I was lying in bed one night (in the pitch black and after they forced me to watch a scary film, because they knew I was scared of the dark but I needed ‘fixing’ so they stole my night light and my phone etc at night so I never had any light and they would laugh when I cried in fear and then one of them would touch my arms, legs, grab my foot from under the bed etc. and make scary whispers and just be serious A Grade Assholes. When I began to scream most nights, one of them would take pity on me and put the light on just as I had some kind of attack (panic or anxiety, unsure even now), but they’d berate me for stealing their sleep etc. and “you’re so fucking weak, Erika, get a hold of yourself”. This all happened every fucking night. I was surviving on two hours of sleep every night for a MONTH because I was too scared in the dark to sleep, or they’d poke me with sharp things to wake me up for no reason, and stuff like that. I was being tortured.) I learned to be quiet. To never say no. To be what they wanted me to be. I was in survival mode and genuinely feared for my life.

So like I said, one night three weeks into living with them, I was lying in bed thinking about Hannibal, the one from the NBC TV show (I love all portrayals but this night, I was thinking of this version for some reason), and what he said to Franklyn that one episode: “you must tell yourself that the lion is not in the room, Franklyn. When it is, I assure you, you will know.”

I was trying so, so hard to fall asleep. I was so exhausted but it was pitch black and I was scared, terrified, they were slowly killing me from the inside. I was on one meal a day and even then, they would tell me I was eating too much and I was too expensive to keep (yeah, that wording is a huge red flag too, huh?) and I was fat etc etc etc, and with all of this, I just wanted Hannibal. I wanted someone to come in to save me, to swoop in and rescue me, to save me because I was in way over my fucking head and I didn’t know what to do but I wanted so badly to get out. I wanted Hannibal. Lying there in the dark, terrified and alone even though there were two others in the room with me (keeping an eye on me, they said), and all I had were my thoughts. I felt guilty for so many of my thoughts but logically I knew that THEY weren’t going to know if I thought about Hannibal, so I let myself have Hannibal. I cried as quietly as I could, biting down on the duvet, just thinking “someone please save me, Hannibal, Hannibal”, and I remember wondering what he’d say to me there and then if he could see me. And you know how sometimes you hear character dialogue in your mind and it sounds so THEM that your heart just melts?

Well, I “heard” Hannibal say, “the lion isn’t just in the room, Erika. You are in the lion’s enclosure, and you MUST get out. They’ve taken so many bites out of you, my dear, it’s time that you bite them back. I am telling you, you must leave. Now.” I imagined him sitting down beside me on the bed, holding my hand and stroking my hair, kissing my forehead, protecting me, the heat of him soaking into me and making me remember that I wasn’t somehow dead and hadn’t noticed. I was alive, this was wrong, I had to get out. Hannibal was gonna protect me, but I had to be the one to leave. I wasn’t alone because I had Hannibal, my pretty Hanni, but I had to be brave for him for just a few days more. They had taken everything from me but for some reason, the thought of losing Hannibal had me wanting to fight. I remember thinking, “not Hannibal, please, not my Hanni” and it was what made me realise how far up shit’s creek I was. Hannibal was the paddle, if I follow the metaphor.

The fear of losing Hannibal combined with what I “heard” was my wake up call. I slept just a few hours before I was woken up again, but I had some small fight in me, and after telling them I was leaving, packing my things up while they took it in turns to scream and yell and shout at me about how I had ripped their family apart, I had been really abusive and hurtful to them by leaving, I was disgusting and they were the best things in my life but I’d fucked it all up and it was all my fault, after taking all that shouting for a day and a half, I phoned my mum to tell her I was coming home and got the fuck out of there. I left first, then they threw all my luggage down the street at me. I had moved for real, so it was me alone, no money, in a city 600 miles away from my parents, with four suitcases and no fucking idea where I was.

But I made it home, my parents helped me and then I managed to pay them back all the money I owed them from what it cost to bring me home (yep… they asked me to pay them back). I never told them what happened to me - I told them less than half, just the bare minimum I could get away with, because I felt like I had to protect them from what happened to me. I had been raised knowing the dangers of life and reality, but I had ‘let myself’ get into this situation and to this day, I do blame myself. Usually people ask, “why did you go if you knew what was happening?” And the answer is - fear. I was scared. Didn’t know what to do, the situation was so much bigger than me. They were within my age range but they made me feel smaller than small.

When I got home, I binge watched Hannibal. All the episodes. I remember speaking to the tv like he was really there, thanking him for rescuing me (in reality, I had had to save myself, but I like to think that Hannibal gave me that courage or at least made me realise I had some left in me, that they hadn’t taken everything from me because he was still there). I was numb, though. For eight months, I didn’t cry. Didn’t smile. Had no job, wasn’t in university at that time, nothing. I was just…. A blank slate. I felt guilty for everything; I apologised when my parents made me food (I didn’t make me anything because I was too expensive; I had a lot to work through), I would ask to use the toilet, etc. I was totally fucking messed up. I wanted to die, really, and there were many days I’d think about what main road to step out into. A bus or a truck would do me in faster so it would have be out of town, probably… those were my thoughts and some days I did actually step out, only to step back in because I was scared. I remember thinking how fucking pathetic I was, how disgusting I was - just echoing their words back at myself.

One day, I really did go to step out when there was a lorry coming, I had left my parents a note on my desk, but I then realised, just as my feet touched the road, that if I did it… I’d never see Hannibal again. Never hear his voice, see that floppy morning fringe with the red jumper, never see those dark eyes and see him turn murder into a sick art… and it made me step back onto the concrete. I turned and RAN home, scared by myself, but all I knew was fear so I almost didn’t notice. But by the time I got home, I was CRYING. Something in me had broken for the final time (as I write this, I’m wondering if actually, something clicked back into place?) and it just was this massive release of emotion. I went home, sat at my desk with a plain piece of paper, and finally designed my Hannibal tattoo. Booked it and got it done three days later. Knew that my thigh was a very sensitive part of my body and it would sting like a BITCH, which is why I got it on my thigh. I wanted it to hurt. I wanted the pain to be mine, for the experience to be mine, for the tattoo to be MINE. I wanted the tattoo for ME; Hannibal was with me with every step of the way while I got myself home, he was all I was thinking about, so it also seemed like a natural choice to get it on my thigh so he is now literally with me every step of the way. In short, I think I took myself back from what happened to me, though it was a slow fucking process and to this day I still mourn who I was before it all happened.

After, I got a job, I signed up to do an English Literature degree… I fought to rebuild my life, to find my own thoughts… most of my interests before them make me nauseous now, so I had to find new ones. I forced myself to start living again, to feel again, to be someone again. And I kept Hannibal in a tight fucking grip the whole damn time. He saved me so many times.

I never went to therapy for this - I was/am ashamed of it, plus I couldn’t and can’t afford therapy, it’s too expensive. My parents know less than half of what happened (dear reader, you know more about it now than my parents do) so I’ve been my own therapist this whole time, trying to unlearn cognitive distortions and relearn the healthier, better ones. I’ve found my voice again, I think, and though what happened follows me every day - my response to shouting, for example, is to run and hide and to cry and I’m so conflict-averse it’s a problem - I’ve decided long ago that while I don’t hate them for what they did (or what I allowed them to do), I don’t forgive them, either. I want to be apathetic to them; it seems a bigger insult. I wanted to be better than what they did to me. I was so cold and angry when I began to experience emotions again and I felt every inch the bad person they had painted me as the day I left. So I worked hard to become kinder, gentler, softer, and I kept trying. I’m not as kind yet as I wanna be, but one day I will be. Maybe.

The whole event start to finish was thirteen months long (not including the eight months of numbness; I mean the whole time I knew them from first online conversation to the day I left them was thirteen months; they abused me for a year before I moved in. As I said, I was deeply under their thumb and terrified. I thought if I did what they said, it would somehow all turn out okay. I was very. Fucking. Wrong.) but if I had been stronger, I could have stopped it by hitting the block button and saved myself all of *gestures vaguely* this.

I fully believe that Hannibal saved my life that night, that day, too, and that’s partly why I love him so fucking much. (In reality, I saved myself, but the reality of no one saving me and I had to get myself out is too hard to take even now, because I did put myself there, so I credit Hannibal for everything. Makes me feel better to think he would have protected me from them. Would he be proud of me? Probably not, but the thought is nice. Would he like the tattoo? Again, probably no, he doesn’t like his meat branded, but the thought is nice). He’s always been a comfort character for me and I find so much courage in him. To eat, to shower, to take care of me. Mum thinks I’m studying psychology because of the influence Hannibal has had over me in my life (I first saw Silence of the Lambs when I was twelve).

In short, my tattoo is my baby.🥺💕 It reminds me of the darkest (thus far) period in my life, but I made it through and I’ll never be there again… one step at a time and eyes on Hannibal.

[chiyohsrifle]

Got tagged by the marvelous @hvnnigram and I can't wait to bare my soul to you guys. this is a long one, so let's go!!

Rules: Tag people you want to get to know better 🖤

Your name and then what you would've named yourself: My full name is Montserrat (I'm Mexican, in case you couldn't tell. Well Mexican-American but anywho) but I typically go by Montse. Mainly cuz people struggle to pronounce my full name hehe but I also just think it's less of a mouthful. Idk, I honestly really love my name and don't think I'd change it given the chance. Maybe something shorter just cuz paperwork can be a bitch. I like Rene but otherwise, I'm pretty attached to my name lol.

Astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): I'm a sun Pisces, a moon Aries, and a rising Virgo, I believe :)) All in all, I'm an emotional, empathetic bitch

When did you join Tumblr and why?: Was going through my emails yesterday and I've been here for a year?? apparently. So yea, I joined Aug./Nov. of 2019 and I'm almost certain it was cuz I wanted to see more Good Omens fanart lol. But I got more active this year cuz quarantine do be forcing me to have some wack coping mechanisms. Also BBC Merlin had me reeling and I needed somewhere to scream.

Top 5 fandoms: Hannibal (obviously), BBC Merlin, Killing Eve, Good Omens, and The Umbrella Academy 😊

Top 5 favorite films: (oh Lord, the cinema buff in me is Panicking rn) God, there's so many I love but I'll try to give varietyTM. But I'm a Cheerleader (1999), Parasite (2019), The Wind Rises (2013), Little Shop of Horrors (1986), and Hector and the Search for Happiness (2014).

Go to song when you wanna Feel something: if we're talking like emotionally charged, TALK ME DOWN by Troye Sivan always sends me reeling. Endorphins wise, Ahora Te Puedes Marchar by Luis Miguel always makes me wanna jump and move around. And La Vie Boheme from RENT, just pure serotonin

What's your religion or faith, if you have one?: I was raised with a heavy Catholic background but I'm agnostic, I believe is the term. Basically, I don't think there's not a God or higher power(s). I just don't align with anything specifically. But I do believe there's something running things, whether that be spirits, the stars, gods, etc. I can't say.

A song that makes you feel seen: Not to be a theatre kid on main but, Breathe from In The Heights. That song and whole musical hold such a special place in my heart, esp with Nina's character cuz I'm Nina. Every part of that song just Gets Me and i ugh, can't articulate it but yea, that song be me.

If you could pick a career: A writer or painter. Anything creative/artsy really cuz crafting is just so calming to me.

Do you have a type?: ngl, I'm kinda the 'falls in love with their best friend' stereotype but beyond that, not really. I kinda just see attractive people and mentally short circuit

What does your soul/heart yearn for?: Not to sound like a character from Hannibal, but to be understood. To be cared for and feel supported. To allow myself to rest and be comforted/loved. Just to feel safe ig. Whoop, that got personal, anywho

If you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: intelligent, caring, awkward, Very Queer, and chaotic

Favorite subject in school: English and History!! I think they're absolutely fascinating and I'm gay so obviously I connect way too much with literature

Where does your soul feel most at home at?: Close to someone that I love, in comfortable silence. Or any situation where I have wind blowing in my face, it's super comforting and idk why

Top 5 fictional characters: Rowena from SPN, Bella Crawford, Beverly Katz, Eve Polastri, and Jack Crawford

Top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry:

1. The ending of Your Lie In April. Idk if any of yall have experienced that, but let me know if you have cuz shared trauma. I was crying so hard, I couldn't breathe. Dry heaving and everything, it was Not Pretty

2. Like literally all of One Day At Time. I know, it's cheesy but that show means a lot to me and I get so emotional watching it cuz I connect to the characters so much. Anything with Elena makes me sob cuz like she's me but also my baby, ya know

3. Um Queer Eye in general but specifically the episode with the gay pastor. That hit close to home on so many levels and boy, was I sobbing the entire time.

(Before y'all ask, honorable mention to Mizumono, TWOTL, and the ending of BBC Merlin cuz I may have been too tired to cry, but trust me, I was emotionally wrecked after all three)

The earth, the sun, the moon, or the stars: Ooh, I'm gonna have to go with the stars but I love that lesbian space rock too

Favorite kind of weather: Thunderstorms, rain, cloudy, grey weather. Fall, I love the fall, give me autumn pleASE

Top 3 characters to kin you with: Guinevere Pendragon from BBC Merlin, Vanya Hargreeves from TUA, and Abigail Hobbs from Hannibal

Favorite medium of art: I love all art very much but I guess drawing and film especially

Introvert/Extrovert/Ambivert: Gonna say ambivert cuz I can be shy but buckle up, cuz the second I'm comfortable around you, it's absolute chaos. You will learn too much about me and that's okay 😌

Favorite literary quote: If poetry counts, it's something like "And if the devil was to ever see you, he'd kiss your eyes and repent". Idk who wrote it but it's an Arabic love poem. Actual book quote tho, "But I'm tired of coming out. All I ever do is come out. I try not to change, but I keep changing, in all these little ways." from Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda cuz damn me too.

Some of your favorite books: Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli, the Carry On series by Rainbow Rowell, When I Was Puerto Rican by Esmeralda Santiago, Fun Home by Alison Bechdel, All The Bright Places by Jennifer Lee, Autoboygraphy, and Copper Sun

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?: Europe or New York. No real specifics for Europe, defiently leaning more towards Western Europe and the Mediterranean cuz they just seem so pretty. And NY cuz I want a studio apartment hehe and also I adore NY. I went a couple years back and just fell in love. Although live is a loose term cuz I've always thought of moving around a lot. I like traveling and settling down isn't really convenient for that so these are kinda just ideals lol

If you could live in any time in history, when would it be?: Oh, defiently 60s/70s. Also, anytime matriarch societies were common cuz I wanna see what that looked like

If you could play any instrument masterfully, it would be: the acoustic guitar and piano. Maybe violin, but those two for sure

If you have one, which god or goddess do you feel more connected to?: I've always really vibed with Athena so her. But also Diyonuses cuz man's is the ideal.

And finally, your favorite recent selfie in your camera role:

(Excuse the eye bags and look in general, I was sleepy when I took it)

Whoo, that's all folks. I'm just gonna say that any of my followers/mutuals who want to do this, feel free to say I tagged you. Thanks for tag, once again, babe!!

[bluebeardsbride-archive]

Where do you find the strength to go on? To live? To keep trying? To believe? I've lost myself and I'm completely undone. I'm not suicidal but I never want to leave my bed even though I haven't really slept in weeks. And yes, I'm getting help. It's taking longer than I expected to show results. I'm sorry for putting this on you, I just want to know what you do when you've lost all hope and faith? How do you comfort yourself?

I’m by no means a therapist, and none of this is a replacement for adequate medical care. This is what I do when I feel bad: 

Get outside. Whenever I’m feeling really upset I go and pray in the woods.

I go on the treadmill for a half hour. I can’t believe I’m recommending exercise because six months ago I wasn’t very active and didn’t believe exercise would help me— but it did! The hardest part was getting started.

I clean my room! Do my laundry, wash my sheets, make my bed, organize my books. It’s a soothing ritual for me.

I take a break from electronics and do something with my hands. I make bread or embroider. Bread is very easy to make, and also very soothing: all you need is yeast, flour, and water. 

Have structure in your life! I set my alarm for seven every day (except for weekends— then I wake up at nine!). This is where having a job or school can help (if they’re not too overwhelming). My weekday is usually like this: wake up at seven, at work from eight until five, come home, relax for a half hour, make dinner, set aside five minutes of writing time. 

Try not to compare yourself to other people. This is probably one of the things I struggle with most.

For two minutes every day, I sit in the middle of my room and focus on my breathing. That’s it. Sort of like meditation. 

Move from your room! Even if it’s just moving from the bed to the couch. 

Write down all the mean things you say to yourself, and what made you think them. Doing this made me realize how awful I treated myself, and over very insignificant things.

Have spaces that comfort you: in the words of Joseph Campell, “[Sacred space] is an absolute necessity for anybody today. You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don’t know what was in the newspapers that morning, you don’t know who your friends are, you don’t know what you owe anybody, you don’t know what anybody owes to you. This is a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. This is the place of creative incubation. At first you may find that nothing happens there. But if you have a sacred place and use it, something eventually will happen.”

Other things I do:

I have a few poems memorized that I recite when I feel overwhelmed: some lines from ‘The Second Coming’ by W.B. Yeats, ‘Bog Queen’ by Seamus Heaney, ‘Whoso List to Hunt, I Know where is an Hind’ by Thomas Wyatt, ‘Me Tangere’ by Sara Eliza Johnson.

I watch European comedy films. Or Hannibal. Or any comfort show, really. 

I call my dad. My dad and I are really close, so talking to him always settles me down. 

I have a notes doc of ‘reminders’: quotes I put away to make myself feel better. Here are some:

this post and this post

“As a child I thought a great deal about meaninglessness, which seemed at the time the most prominent negative feature on the horizon. After a few years of failing to find meaning in the more commonly recommended venues I learned that I could find it in geology, so I did… I found earthquakes, even when I was in them, deeply satisfying, abruptly revealed evidence of the scheme in action. Later, after I married and had a child, I learned to find equal meaning in the repeated rituals of domestic life. Setting the table. Lighting the candles. Building the fire. Cooking. All those soufflés, all that creme caramel, all those daubes and albondigas and gumbos. Clean sheets, stacks of clean towels, hurricane lamps for storms, enough water and food to see us through whatever geological event came our way.” (Joan Didion)

“I also am other than what I imagine myself to be. To know this is forgiveness.“ (Simone Weil)

“Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.” (Frederick Buechner)

“A long time ago, when you were a wee thing, you learned something, some way to cope, something that, if you did it, would help you survive. It wasn’t the healthiest thing, it wasn’t gonna get you free, but it was gonna keep you alive. You learned it, at five or six, and it worked, it *did* help you survive. You carried it with you all your life, used it whenever you needed it. It got you out—out of your assbackwards town, away from an abuser, out of range of your mother’s un-love. Or whatever. It worked for you. You’re still here now partly because of this thing that you learned. The thing is, though, at some point you stopped needing it. At some point, you got far enough away, surrounded yourself with people who love you. You survived. And because you survived, you now had a shot at more than just staying alive. You had a shot now at getting free. But that thing that you learned when you were five was not then and is not now designed to help you be free. It is designed only to help you survive. And, in fact, it keeps you from being free. You need to figure out what this thing is and work your ass off to un-learn it. Because the things we learn to do to survive at all costs are not the things that will help us get FREE. Getting free is a whole different journey altogether.” (Mia Mckenzie)

“I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories… water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.” (Clarissa Pinkola Estes)

“We cannot live in a world that is interpreted for us by others. an interpreted world is not a home. Part of the terror is to take back our own listening. To use our own voice. To see our own light.” (Hildegard von Bingen)

“You have to pick the places you don’t walk away from.” (Joan Didion)

“The aim is to balance the terror of being alive with the wonder of being alive.” (Carlos Castaneda) 

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” (George Adair)

“If you remember better times you know they were lies, because they led to this.” (Alice Notley)

[gracie-p8-officialblog]

Spilling Tea On Phantom of the Opera 2004

DISCLAIMER: I just want to say from the start that it is not my intention to offendanyone, you're entitled to your opinions and I'm allowed to have mine...

Ok, so, I just watched this movie a few days ago on my laptop and it was pretty much my first time sitting through the movie. I watched a few clips of the movie on YouTube but... Then, I decided to watch the whole movie. And this was my reaction.

Don't get me wrong! There WERE parts I liked but... That was just half of the movie... But overall... Um... It was meh. Ahem. Down to business!

My opinion on Gerard Butler as the Phantom? Um, wow. And not in a good way. I feel like this was a case of a talented performer being grossly miscast as the Phantom. I think this Tumblr post best describes on what I thought of his singing.

"He's supposed to have the voice of an angel, but it sounds like he's been gargling vinegar" ~Quoted by @faded-florals

Don't get me wrong. His voice is quite good for an untrained singer but... The Phantom is one of the biggest musical theatre roles of all time! It's right up there with Jean Valjean. It's really not a role that could go a competent singer, someone who's never sang professionally before but could be good once they've been trained up a bit. The role demands a truly great singer... And he wasn't right for the part.

His voice felt too strainy, growly and rock-ish for the Phantom. I didn't like how Joel Schumacher bought into the whole "sexy Phantom" thing and cast a hunky heart-throb, who was nowhere near disfigured enough. It's meant to be a gothic thriller novel with a small romantic subplot, not a B-grade vampire romance movie!

As for Emmy Rossum as Miss Christine Daae... it's true, her voice is good. She should know though, should she wish to excel, she has MUCH still to learn (Heeeeehee. Sorry. Couldn't resist.)

Emmy's Christine had little-to-no character growth and personality but I don't think it reflects her as an actress, but reflects more on the director and casting director because of how young she was (but more on that later)

Not only that, her Christine was SIGNIFICANTLY dumbed down and oversexualized. I mean, the entire point of the story is that Christine grows strong enough to overcome the trauma of an abusive relationship and make sure that her abuser never hurts anyone ever again but still shows the Phantom compassion and sympathy. I mean, her story arc is her becoming strong-willed enough to overcome the Phantom's pull/spell/enchantment/hypnosis or whatever you percieve it as on her! And don't get me started on her costumes because of the SEVERE lack of modesty.

The chemistry was a little flat because she was underage and her two male love interests were both in their 30s (which totally isn't HER fault, of course, but the directors could easily have cast someone else older)

Her voice, too, strikes me as being much too young and undeveloped. She has a very pretty, sweet-sounding quality to her singing but she doesn't sound rich and operatic enough to be a convincing Christine. Rebecca Caine and Amy Manford do the best job of singing the way I think Christine ought to sound- a maturing opera voice! Though POTO is NOT an opera (you wouldn't believe how many people actually think it is...), it does revolve around opera, and Christine is an opera singer, not a pop star.

And now onto... Everyone's favourite vicomte!!!!!!

C'mon people, put your bottles down. It is a truth universally acknowledged (or at least in the wee Raoul Defense Squad Circle) that Raoul is one of the greatest and most underrated boyfriends to ever exist in musical theatre and it's almost impossible to hate him because of how relatable he is.

Ladies, puh-leeze. He's much more relatable than you admit and face it, we all have a little bit of Raoul in us. Failure to see things staring us in the face, saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, having a 'see it to believe it' attitude when we have little-to-no evidence on something... yeah, don't pretend you don't see a trend. Raoul is relatable whether we want him to be or not.

My thoughts on Patrick Wilson as Raoul, he was one of the few redeeming qualities of this not so great movie. Yeah, the swordfight and Tarzan leaps were a little too much but can you blame him?! And though I feel like that foppish wig made him look more like a magic elf prince than a vicomte, he couldn't control that!

His Raoul was so gentle and caring! Yeah, his acting was a bit stiff but at least his voice wasn't a chore to listen to, it has this warm, tender, comforting quality to it which suits Raoul. I really loved the way he sang "Don't throw away your life for my sake" and "I fought so hard to free you" in the Final Lair (😭😭😭) It feels like Raoul is genuinely apologising to Christine.

I know, I know... The Hadley Fraser fans are approaching with menacing expressions as we speak but let me clarify. I still think Hadley is amazing but... His Raoul kinda felt a little too shouty for me and his Raoul was closer to the LND-canon than POTO-canon (not his fault though).

Miranda Richardson (aka. Rita Skeeter) as Madame Giry is kind of weird. I mean, I know Madame Giry's supposed to be a little Strange and Mysterious. But this Mme. wasn't really Strange or Mysterious at all, or even slightly Spooky at all. She was just kind of an oddball. Popping up in random places to give warnings about the Phantom and looking at people as if she were questioning their life choices or something. As for her daughter... well, Jennifer Ellison's Meg was so-so. She's got a sweet-sounding voice and that added scene where she looked for Christine in the lair was a nice touch... But... Her Meg was kinda forgettable and uninteresting. Meg is supposed to prance around shrieking that the Phantom of the Opera is here, not whisper it in a blase manner that you half expect to be followed up with, "by the way, what's for lunch?" Not to mention, she rivaled Christine as far as low-necked costumes went.

Minnie Driver as Carlotta was spot on! Yes, I know she didn't sing the score but her acting was alright. She was very over-the-top and self-centered, which is great for Carlotta, but I felt her portrayal was a little too childish to be accurate. Carlotta is a successful middle-aged diva who's willing to scream and storm when she doesn't get her way, but she isn't a two-year-old pouting and throwing tantrums. (Yes, there's a difference.)

Ciaran Hinds and Simon Callow played Firmin and Andre, respectively. Their managers kinda felt like twits and nothing more. Also, Firmin's masquerade costume was ridiculous. The stupid kind, not the funny kind. ...Well, okay, it was a little funny.

I'm not going to touch on every song here, but I will say that "Hannibal" was beyond awful (if you thought the costumes in the stage version were a bit risque, you should see the movie ones- no, actually you shouldn't) and that "Think of Me," while very nice, was not particularly memorable. Christine's dress, however (despite its less-than-ideal neckline) was GORGEOUS, even though it looks completely out of place in a musical that supposedly takes place in ancient Alexandria.

"Little Lotte" kinda lost its charm by being spoken instead of sung. And Gerard Butler's voice in "The Mirror" was too rough and raspy for my ears and made me cringe in sympathetic shame. The title song was like a cheesy, campy B-grade horror movie tbh, trying way too hard to be spooky and chilling ("ooh, look, Phantom's Lair! It's DARK and SCARY down here!") and succeeding only in being cringeworthy. Not that I've actually ever seen a bad horror movie- or any horror movie at all, for that matter. Unless you count this one.

Christine's costume, too, annoyed me no end. She was basically wearing a corset and drawers under the dressing gown. *facepalm* The dressing gown is supposed to go OVER your COSTUME to keep it CLEAN, peeps. It's not a BATHROBE. And the amount of eye makeup she had on would terrify a raccoon. Yikes.

Though I liked the random horse because of its nod to the Leroux novel.

"Music of the Night" was so blah-slash-touchy-feely that it made me summarily uncomfortable.

I'd like to be able to say something nice about "I remember/Stranger than you dreamt it" but I have none. One thing that bugged me to no end was how Christine is no longer wearing stockings, like dude, that gives some GROSS implications. Anyways, let's skip to Il Muto!

Oh, but first I should say that "Notes" was rather a flop and that "Prima Donna" is unmemorable and indeed should probably be fast-forwarded as there's a rather unsavory bit involving a crew member showing the audience what he thinks of Carlotta's behaviour.

"Il Muto," I must say, was pretty doggone funny. Carlotta's "Your part is silent. Leetle toad," cracked me up into a bunch of giggling little pieces, and the little vignette of the Phantom tinkering with Carlotta's throat spray made her croaking later on a lot more believable.

Now for "All I Ask Of You", SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I honestly can't understand how anyone could listen to this song and still maintain that Christine and Raoul don't belong together. He represents everything she needs- stability, protection, a guiding hand and affirmed affection. She represents everything he needs, in turn- someone to show affection to and his childhood friend.

One thing I definitely think could have been left out was the scene in which Erik kills Buquet- we totally did not need to see him being chased, terrified, through the rafters and finally strangled. Gross.

And the Phantom and his rose crouching behind that statue... I think this was supposed to be sad, but there was too much snot mixed with tears for it to be sad. It was, again, gross. So was Gerard Butler's pathetic attempt at the "all that the Phantom asked of you" line. And the lack of a chandelier crash in that scene made the song anticlimactic.

And "Masquerade" was so-so but... The Phantom's entrance is anticlimactic somehow, and his Red Death costume (if indeed it's supposed to even BE the Red Death) is unimpressive. I don't like how Raoul just runs off to desert Christine as soon as things start looking ugly (yes, I realize he was going to get his sword, but still... something could have happened to her while he was gone. Duh, did this guy learn anything from "Little Lotte/The Mirror"? Just sayin)

As for Madame Giry's flashback immediately following, I like how it gives us some of the Phantom's backstory, but it seems really abrupt. You don't even realize until she's done that she was talking to Raoul the whole time- it sounds like she's just randomly reminiscing about Stuff, and if you didn't know the story you might be sitting there thinking, "who is this strange woman again?"

Also, Christine leaving wherever-it-is at, like, five in the morning to go to who-knows-where, completely oblivious to the fact that the Phantom is driving her. Whaaaaaaaaa? How'd he know she was planning to go for a graveyard stroll? Was he watching her through the mirror again? THAT'S JUST CREEPY.

"Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" was rather mediocre and dulled down the fact that it is a Christine Empowerment™ song. Why, exactly, does Christine's father have the biggest monument in the cemetery? If he were a rich and famous violinist as his crypt seems to suggest, why on earth was his daughter struggling along as a chorus girl taking free music lessons?

The swordfight... Well... I had mixed feelings about it. Sword fights are all well and good, but... The swordfight takes away the element of mysterious danger to the Phantom. Okay, fine, Christine getting Raoul to spare the Phantom's life is a nice touch, I guess, but did it strike no one else that his "now let it be war upon you BOTH" makes absolutely NO sense after that? If she just saved his life, why would he suddenly be all, "thanks, but no thanks, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOUUUUUUUUUU"?

And "Twisted Every Way" was after "Wishing" which made ZERO sense. Plus, I didn't like how they cut most of it because in the musical, it gave Christine a spine!

"Point of No Return"? Hooooooo boy....... There are so many things wrong with this number. Let's just a list a few.

*HOW did no one recognise the Phantom through his "disguise"?! At least in the stage play, it made more sense because of how he was wearing a cloak that obscured most of his body.

*Christine's sleeves falling down over and over again were REALLY annoying.

*It was just too touchy-feely for my taste.

*The fact that Emmy Rossum was a teenager during filming made this scene gross because of the way they oversexualized Christine in this scene.

*Gerard Butler's voice in that scene made me cringe and shake my head in sympathetic shame.

*In the stage play, Christine ran from him, showing her own agenda and resistance to his pull! While in the movie, she didn't resist him!

*Now for the one that took the cake... The disfigurement! Or it would be a disfigurement if it actually made him look, y'know, deformed. Instead, as several people have put it, he looks like he got a bad sunburn or something. It's really rather pathetic. It makes him look more like a drama queen than he already is! Yeah.... I really don't like this movie.

On to... Final Lair!!!!!!!! It was a flop. From Raoul's whining and flailing around and his stringy hair flopping about (shallow complaint, I know, but it's so ugly) to Christine's sappy melodramatic "don't make me choooooooose" faces to the Phantom's prancing around with his ropes and maniacal laughter that somehow wasn't really scary at all... yeah, it was a flop. A major, major flop. And though The Kiss wasn't all that bad, all I could think of was, "She's SIXTEEN! SIX! TEEN! THIS IS CREEPY, DISTURBING AND GROSS!"

Which is why it's so difficult for me to admit that, um, I... cried at the end.

I COULDN'T HELP IT GUYS HE WAS ALL ALONE THERE IN HIS LAKE WITH HIS MONKEY AND HIS SMASHED MIRRORS AND HE WAS CRYING AND IT WAS SAD.

And then that rose on the gravestone? That single red rose? And the look on Old Raoul's face (still Patrick Wilson, by the way, under all that makeup) when he saw it and realized he wasn't the only one visiting Christine's grave? Yup, I lost it again there, too. And I really didn't want to. Because I tend to cry over movies I love, y'know? And I didn't love this movie. At all

Yet I still cried at the end. I'm not really sure why. I think perhaps it had something to do with the way the story still "got" me, deep down inside, despite the lousy casting and less-than-perfect singing and ridiculously unnecessary elements that totally didn't need to be there. It's still a tragically beautiful romance, and even a bad film can't kill that.

In conclusion, I think Mary Poppins can best express what I thought of POTO 2004.

In conclusion, I rate it a 2.7/5

[dukereviewsmovies]

Duke Reviews: Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer

Hi Everyone, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Where We Are Continuing Duke's Yultide Reviews...

Well, With Christmas Movies Behind Us For The Year, It's Time To Move Into Christmas Specials And What Better Way To Start Then To Look At The Original Christmas Special, Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer...

Now, Unlike Some Of The Movies I Went Over In November, I Feel That I Really Don't Have To Go Over The Plot Of This Special As Everyone Knows It By Now And Anyone Who Doesn't Probably Lives Under A Rock...

So, Without Further Ado, This Is Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer...

The Special Starts With Newspaper Pages And Snowflakes Before We're Introduced To Our Narrator, Sam The Snowman, Played By Burl Ives...

Who Talks With Us About Christmas Town...

No, It's Not That Christmas Town...

But The Christmas Town That Sam Is Talking About Is At The North Pole Where The #1 Citizens Are The Clauses Who Live On The First Castle On The Left, Matter Of Fact The Only Castle On The Left..,

Cutting To Inside The Castle We See Mrs Claus Telling Santa To Eat Up As The Kids Expect A Fat Santa For Christmas Eve....

Some People Might See This As Skinny Shaming But Me I See This As Sending A Good Message Saying That Says After The Holidays, Santa Loses Weight In An Effort To Not Get Diabetes...

Telling Us About How Much He Loves Christmas, Sam Tells Us About The Year Of The Big Snowstorm And How They Couldn't Have Done It Without Rudolph, Which Leads Sam To Tell Us Our Story But Not Before Giving Us An Intro And A Title Card...

Starting A Few Years Before The Big Snowstorm, In Spring No Less, We See The Donners Give Birth To A Little Buck Named Rudolph Who Is Born With A Red Glowing Nose...

However, In The Movie Rudolph And Frosty's Christmas In July, It Was Revealed That Rudolph Wasn't Born With The Nose But Was Given It By The Spirit Of The North Pole Known As Lady Boreal In An Effort To Protect Santa From The Evil Wizard Winterbolt Who Had Just Woken Up When Lady Boreal's Powers Started To Wane And Weaken After Being In Her Human Form For Too Long...

But Getting Back To Our Story, Santa Arrives To Meet Rudolph Only To Discover His Powers For Himself...

Coming Up With An Idea To Hide Rudolph's Nose, Donner Teaches Rudolph How To Be A Reindeer, While Teaching His Son To Beware Of The Abominable Snowmonster Of The North Who's Mean, Nasty And Doesn't Like Christmas..

But Aside From The Abominable, We Cut To Santa's Workshop Where We Meet Hermey, Who's An Elf Who Wants To Be A Dentist Which Catches The Ire Of The Foreman...

(Start At 1:42, End At 1:56)

Growing Up Over The Years, Rudolph Has Gotten Tired Of Hiding His Nose As The Mud His Parents Place On It Isn't Very Comfortable, But Donner Believes That Self Respect Is More Important Than Comfort...

I Would Play The Other Part Of The Song But I Couldn't Find It On YouTube, Sorry...

With Christmas Coming And Going As Always, Soon It Is April Which Is When All The Fawns Come Out To Be Inspected By Santa And When The Elf Choir Practices In Front Of Santa...

Whoa!, Whoa!, Whoa!, What Happened To The Elf Foreman?

His Voice Just Went From Gruff To Squeaky In 10 Seconds, Why?, Was The Actor Unavailable? Did They Have Another Actor Originally Do The Voice? Somebody Give Me Answers!

(Start At 0:14, End At 1:49)

With Santa Leaving, The Foreman (Whose Voice Is Gruff Again) Tells Them That The Performance Was Terrible As The Tenor Section Was Weak...

I Don't Know, Foreman Defiantly Sounded Good To Me...

But One Of The Elves Tell The Foreman That Hermey Didn't Show Up...

Working On Dolls Teeth, The Foreman Marches In To Tell Hermey That Despite Trying To Find A Way To Fit In He'll Never Fit In And To Come To Elf Practice Before Slamming The Door Shut...

Believing The Foreman To Be Right, Hermey Runs Away...

Back At The Reindeer Fields, Rudolph Makes A Friend Named Fireball, Who Introduces Rudolph To A Doe Named Clarice...

Walking Over To Her As The Coach Comet, Won't Get To Rudolph And Fireball For A While, Rudolph Talks With Clarice...

(Imitating Hannibal Lecter) Hello, Clarice...

Asking Her To Walk Home With Him, Clarice Tells Rudolph Yes, As She Tells Him That She Thinks That He's Cute...

Leaping Into The Sky 2 Times, Rudolph Butts Heads With Fireball Which Causes Rudolph's Nose To Fall Off...

With His Secret Revealed, The Reindeer Not Only Make Fun Of Rudolph But Santa Gets Mad At Donner As Comet Tells Everyone To Not Let Rudolph Join In Any Reindeer Games...

Followed By Clarice As Rudolph Promised To Take Her Home, She Doesn't Care What Everyone Else Thinks And Says That His Nose Is Better Than That False One He Was Wearing...

(Start At 0:19, End At 2:14)

But When Clarice's Father, ? Enters To Tell Rudolph To Stay Away From Her, Rudolph Finds Himself All Alone Again, That Is Until He Runs Into Hermey Who Tells Rudolph That He Doesn't Need Anyone Because He's Independent Which Leads Rudolph To Declare The Same...

Okay, I Realize Rudolph Is Not A Girl But Since He's Voiced By One I'm Playing This...

Originally This Wasn't The Song For This Scene, Originally It Was This...

Walking For A While, Rudolph And Hermey Hear The Roar Of The Abominable Snowmonster Which Causes Hermey To Have Rudolph Douse His Nose For Now...

Continually Walking Till Morning,They End Up Meeting Yukon Cornelius, Who Is Searching These Areas For Silver And Gold Which Leads Us To Our Next Song...

(Start At 0:08)

With The Abominable Catching Up With Our 3 Friends, Yukon Creates An Iceberg So They Can Get Away From The Abominable But With No Land In Sight Our Friends Have No Idea Where They're Headed...

Eventually Hitting Land, Yukon, Hermey And Rudolph Find Themselves On An Island With Flying Lions And Talking Jack In The Boxes...

Correction Charlie In The Boxes...

(Start At 0:40)

With Rudolph Asking If They Can Stay On The Island With Them, Charlie Takes Them To King Moonracer (Who Is The Flying Lion In Question) Who Unfortunately Tells Them No But Asks Them That Once They Return To Christmas Town To Tell Santa About Their Island Which Rudolph Promises He Will...

For This, King Moonracer Allows Them To Spend The Night...

Oh, How Generous...

With His Friends Deciding To Return To Christmas Town, Rudolph Decides To Strike Out On His Own To Save His Friends From The Abominable Snowmonster...

But As The Years Pass, Rudolph Grows Older And Realizes That You Can't Run Away From Your Troubles Which Leads Him To Decide To Head Home...

But In Returning Home, He Discovers An Empty Cave Which Leads Santa To Point Out That Them And Clarice Have Been Gone For Months Out Looking For Him...

But While Going Out To Find His Parents The Storm Of The Century Hits...

But Again, In Rudolph And Frosty's Christmas In July, It Was Revealed That The Storm Was Created By Winterbolt In An Attempt To Get Rid Of Santa Forever As There Could Only Be One King Of The North....

Searching For His Parents, Rudolph Realized That They Could Only Be One Place, The Cave Of The Abominable Snowmonster...

Oops, Wrong Cave And Wrong Abominable Snowman...

Anyway, Entering The Cave, Rudolph Attacks The Snowmonster Only To Get Whapped By A Piece Of The Cave...

Well, Not Exactly As Hermey And Yukon Cornelius Arrive To Rescue Their Friend And His Family With Hermey Distracting The Abominable While Yukon Drops A Big Rock On Him...

Getting Rudolph And His Family Out, They Find Themselves Confronted By The Bumble Again Only To Discover That Hermey Took Out All Of His Teeth...

Pushing The Bumble Back With His Dogs, Yukon Goes Over The Edge Of A Cliff Along With His Dogs And The Bumble...

And This Is Supposed To Be A Kids Special!

With Everyone Going Back To Christmas Town, Santa Apologizes To Rudolph And Tells Him That He'll Find Homes For All Of The Misfit Toys On The Island Of Misfit Toys While The Foreman Apologizes To Hermey Telling Him That He Can Open Up A Office Next Week After Christmas...

Hearing A Knock On The Door, We Discover That Yukon Survived...

And So Did The Bumble Who Only Did What He Did Because He Wanted A Job...

Wow, I Didn't Know Unemployment Was A Problem At The North Pole...

Asking How They Survived, Yukon Kind Of Gives A Dumb Yet Funny Answer...

While Everyone Gets Ready For Christmas, Santa Gets News From His Eye In The Sky Weather Reporter, Who Tells Him That The Storm Won't Let Up And Christmas Will Have To Be Cancelled, But As Rudolph's Light Shines Santa Decides That Rudolph Is Their Answer...

With Rudolph On-Board For Helping Santa, We Get Our Next Song...

(Start At 0:11)

With Santa Fattened Up And The Sleigh Filled They Take Off With An Up Up And Away...

Okay, Is Santa Superman?

Meanwhile On The Island Of Misfit Toys, Charlie, The Spotted Elephant And The Doll Have All But Given Up This Year But When They See Rudolph's Nose, Everyone Gathers Up So They Can Board The Sleigh...

(End At 1:46)

Fun Fact: When I Was A Kid, I Had A Hard Time With VHS Remotes And Accidentally Taped Over A Little Bit Of The Ending With The End Credits Of A Care Bears Nutcracker And My Mom Still Bugs Me About It To This Day...

But That's Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer And It's A Good Special...

Sure, It Has A Few Things That Show What Time It Came From But It's Still A Good Christmas Special, I Love The Characters, I Love The Story, The Sets Are Well Made And I Just Say See It...

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...

[roadtophantom]

Down Once More - RTP Does a Double Show

(or as they say, a two doe shay - so in that light, this review is hella long)

March 16, 2019

It wasn't planned but to take advantage of a discount, I got a second ticket targeting a Saturday matinee show so I could catch Clara. This plan backfired as I already inadvertently caught her the previous week. Being that the Theatre at Solaire is hours away where I am and I don't want to shell out over a grand for Grab, I decided to see the evening show too.

The fun part about matinees is it's not a rush hour so the travel time is cut significantly. We got to the theatre early enough to take all the photos we want without queueing plus some decent drive thru food. We got balc right seats this time, second row. I certainly missed the prime visibility of orch seats but liked being able to see the whole set.

Clara was on as Christine and I'm delighted to say that as early as a week-gap she's able to put different touches to her Christine so you see a somewhat different interpretation. This one was less afraid and was drawn more to MOTN, that she was able to show a dilemma between the Phantom and Raoul. What I gathered from my first viewing of her was that she's obviously Team Raoul all the way. I mean, sure that is a very valid interpretation but I guess I also like a Christine who is able to show a conflict, some sort of loyalty to her 'teacher' who she didn't just happen to meet yesterday. So there's some joy when she sings AOM.

A notable scene is how she took a while to unmask the Phantom (Jonathan) The instrumentation has already changed and she was still peeling the mask. Jonathan took that extended lull as fuel for anger that Clara cowered in a fetal position as Jonathan, imposing figure that he is, hovered over her. He then punches the floor with his fist and kicked the mandarin hat (which he never got to wore) away. Pretty intense. By STYDI he becomes remorseful as he lamented 'Oh Christine'.

One thing I love about Matt's Raoul is we don't just know he is well to borrow from the Kingsmen: manners maketh man. He isn't only a gentleman at Christine but also to the managers when he makes it a point to excuse himself with a hand gesture when he is switching his attention to Carlotta, Piangi and Girys. And I think one takeaway I got from his Raoul is how he regarded the angel with dismissal and arrogance but slowly come to horror to know that this is a real thing plaguing Christine and that leads him to do what it takes even risk his life. Idk, he's just very real to me. When he does the disaster will be yours, he mounts all his  fiery passion to threaten what he knows is larger than him.

Also the travelator worked and he does jump so whee.

Again I adored the ballerinas during the rehearsals because they're just playful girlfriends, when they get excited at the introduction of the Vicomte, when one of them yawns tiredly and someone gets instruction from the slave master, love love these cute dynamics. Plus they are so nice and supportive of Christine. Meg is just a dear, and I love how Kiruna-Lind nods sheepishly with a “I’ll be a good girl cross my heart” smile at her mom before stomping right off. 

I finally looked up that lyric change in Notes, it's now using Broadway's: "Mystified baffled Surete say,we are mystified -"

After the show I accompanied my cousin and sister to stage door, whereupon Meghan came in looking like a rockstar, black ensemble, hat on. She's still somewhat ill but she's going on and it's to be appreciated because that means my evening ticket will finally see the other Christine.

My seats these time are way up because I got the cheapest tier. So it was going to be interesting to see Meghan who is probably one of the most petite ladies (she's probably 5 foot and a couple inches). But I immediately see how she compensates for the height with her hands. In Hannibal she grabs on to the nearest ballerina or Meg to seek comfort or to show excitement when the announcement of Vicomte came on, she holds Reyer's hands as he congratulates her. Later in the show she uses them in more heartbreaking ways (to plea for help at Madame Giry at Notes II and the managers after the PONR unmasking but all for naught).

I have to mention this, Meghan does not dance the slave girls track (and later most of the Masquerade track) but this may be because of an injury. Do not take my word for it, but it would make sense why Clara was on instead during the media call. I don't begrudge Meghan too in going off stage especially to protect her health.

BUT when she came on for Think of Me? Holy. Smokes. THAT GLORIOUS VOICE. Where did that come from such a tiny frame? It's so big and whole and powerful and she sings and extends the cadenza effortlessly. You'll know this is opera-trained.

My take with her Christine is that she takes on  Meghan's personality, especially in Act I where she is bubbly and friendly with the ballerinas and when she tries to explain to Raoul that the angel of music is very strict (she does it sheepishly). Listening to her radio interviews it makes sense how it sometimes blurs who Meghan is and who Christine is.

She also mentioned how she and the character are utterly consumed by music, and she shows it not just as a trance state but also in a Sarah Brightmanesque possessed state. I want to take a closer look at this because from afar there's a danger of looking like she's doing nothing when she's been doing big gestures with her hands earlier. So it looks like on and off. But maybe up close it's possible she communicates more.

Her strength and her strongest weapon is undoubtedly that voice, because with it she isn't afraid to make the songs her own, to manipulate them as the scene demands for it and as she needs it. Her vocal control is incredible. She is able to communicate fear, panic and passion effortlessly because of that malleable voice that she need not stay the course of the song but give it her interpretation ("in that, <i>strange</i>. sweet. sound.") She could cry and scream in song if that makes sense? I just looooooove listening to her sing and there are just so much dimensions in her interpretation that way. And there's even more to it when she performs with her cast mates.

Okay this brings me to the next part of the review. I saw Jonathan earlier with Clara and it went without a hitch so to speak. In figure-skating speak he landed those lutz. The evening, told a different story. When he couldn't extend his BE in MOTN I started to get worried.

The figure-skating analogy will become very clear towards the rest of the performance as I waited in bated anticipation how he'll try to land his jumps. This was me the whole time basically.

He started stumbling losing breath and ending in rasps towards the end of Act I. Obviously this is not his norm, I've seen him 4 times after all, including the earlier matinee. There was something wrong. But the question now is what he'll do in the vocally demanding AND fast-paced Act II full of quadruple jumps?

Well Jonathan had to do a series of quick decisions, there were words he had to speak more softly, keys that he had to changed and lyrics recited so he can reserve his strength and give them to the money makers. But all in all? Led to a beautiful heart-wrenching performance as he took the show in One Emotional Ride I've never witnessed before. And I believe the person sustaining him, receiving this acting and spinning it to gold? Meghan. There was teamwork happening during the Final Lair as both characters were giving one fiery performance and receiving it, enhancing it, supporting another by giving so much to work with. Meghan comes at you at Final Lair with such fervor. There was a part where she rips the veil so angrily the hair mic went POOF but this is the kind of energy she comes at Jonathan. I don't know if I've seen a Final Lair come like a frenzied hurricane of adrenaline, distress and fury. There were a lot of tears on that stage. Jonathan’s limitations worked for him in the end especially in conveying the anguish of the character. In this way, the show finished in a heart-wrenching note AND thunderous applause.

Oh when Meghan returned the ring, the Phantom clung to her hand and they remained that way for a bit, until Meghan regretably retracted the outstretched arm and left.

So. Um, wow. It was a hell of a ride, and I have to say, guiltily, that I liked how unpredictable it was. That was just pure raw stage energy and thespians are olympians too.

I definitely need to see more of these two before the show closes in close to 2 weeks (cue weeps). 

If you got as far as this um, thank you. You are very patient. I have no reward but here's me wearing the PHwhdjfis hoodie

[ajokeformur-ray]

(P.1) Hiii! Would you please ship me with Loki, Thranduil, Snape, Hannibal and Sherlock? (Sorry if it's too much) I'm a hetero girl, 26 years old. My biggest dream is to become a university lecturer and I'm working towards this goal, I'm currently working on my dissertation. My Hogwarts house is Slytherin and I'm proud of it (fave Hogwarts subjects include DADA, Potions, Charming). Dedicated to what I do and sometimes I tend to lose track of time when I'm doing university stuff, I can get a bit

(P.2) obsessive with this. I may look like a shy and closed person (which is true because I’m a major introvert) but I’m actually easy to approach and will always be there if someone wants to talk to me. I just need my personal space and it’s important for me that people respect this - I don’t mind being alone and sometimes I actually prefer it. I only allow myself to get emotional when I’m alone by myself because I tend to see feelings as a weakness. I would never ask for help but would always 

(P.3) give help and advice when someone needs it. My biggest problem lies within my self hate problems (I especially don’t like my looks) which make me insecure and wanting to blend in and never take the center stage. I only have few friends and I value them very much so I’m extremely loyal to them. Strengths: logical, caring, responsible, organized. Weaknesses: insecurity, pessimist, tend to worry a lot (even about insignificant details), overthinking (when it comes to decision making), 

(P.4 and last) perfectionist. Likes: books, movies, long walks, tennis, stationary, writing, daydreaming. Dislikes: snakes, deep waters, taking central stage, rude people, group projects, spelling and grammar errors in my native language. Great Shakespeare buff. Would get sarcastic but when I know you and I feel comfortable around you. It takes long time for me to open and to start sharing personal details. Even then I’d keep some things only to myself because I hate to be a bother.

Loki: I feel like, to begin with, Loki would see you as a puzzle. You have several contradictions: you won’t accept help but readily give it, you’re logical but you have insecurities (which are usually illogical in nature) and you overthink, which again is illogical. These contradictions would first intrigue the god of mischief, the maker of chaos, and as he gets to know you; unwrapping layers of your personality, he’d slowly start to fall in love with you on the basis that you’re one of the few humans he knows so completely; you’re his human in a way. Not a possessive feeling, his name for you, but it’s an affectonate way of referring to you. He admires how you know what you need and when you need it and he loves the fact that you don’t put others before yourself: if you need alone time you take it. You both have issues with self loathing but I feel like when you’re insecurities are just a bit too much, Loki would be there to help you see sense with a sarcastic yet oddly accurate statement. You’re also both quite closed off to those you don’t know very well so it’d be a very slow to get going friendship and then even longer until you’re together in a romantic sense.

Thranduil: Your dedication to your studies and the way you fall into what you’re doing, that you forget that the world exists outside of your work is something that would deeply resonate within Thranduil. He, too, has much work to do and less time to do it in. He would understand and would be supportive of your dissertation and your goals, doing what he could to get you to where you want to be. You share something in common with him in that you may appear to be unapproachable to people, but you’re there when someone needs a listening ear; this suggests empathy and you only give advice when someone needs it, whereas Thranduil freely gives it whether it was asked for or not. As such, the both of you would often be found offering counsel to others. You’re definitely close as a couple because you support each other through everything. Thranduil has some dislike for your self-hatred but he disguises that in favour of trying to help you find healthier ways of viewing yourself.

Severus: You already have a fair amount of intellectual activity in common with Severus: your House (same as mine, btw way more than you do! So, you would find a time in a day to sit down and do your own things; spending time together separately. Neither of you ever ask for help but both of you need help now and then, Severus most especially, so sometimes you do force help upon the other. It comes from a place of love, something you’re both very logical enough in, and so neither of you would be mad about it. Severus would be, a little, but he’d bite his tongue. You dislike snakes but you’re in Slytherin, something Severus finds hilarious. It’s one of the few things that makes him laugh.

Hannibal: Hannibal would definitely use his connections to make sure that your goal became a reality. He would do this out of a genuine need to see you succeed, but also because, in doing so, you will feel gratitude towards him and so you’ll be less likely to leave him and therefore, you’ll keep his secrets and he will win. He would make you take care of yourself, handing you well balanced, nutritious food. He would say things like, “food is the body what reading is to the mind” or obvious manipulations like “eat or you can’t abc”. It’d come from a place of love but also from a place of control. If he controls you, then you’ll stay. Or so he thinks. It’s Hannibal, who can say what really goes through that mind of his? Like Will once said, he can explore four different thought tracks all at the same time and picks the one which amuses him most. He would respect your boundaries, your needs, and in return would expect the absolute same - common courtesy but of course you go above and beyond for him, always for him. You dislike rude people so really, you’re almost perfect for each other (apart from you don’t share the same dietary preferences but then, few people do, so it doesn’t bother him). 

Sherlock: Ooooh, Sherlock!!! anyone who tries to get in the way of either of you getting your alone time or whatever else you need. You both find emotions to be weak but because you’re a little more in touch with your own emotions than Sherlock is, you’re there to support him as well and you know when you need a good cry, etc. You’re logical like he is but insecure, a real contradiction, and in his usual tactless way, Sherlock would use cold, hard logic to comfort you. He’d say something like, “don’t be stupid. That won’t happen.” in his normal uncaring way, with an indignant “Sherlock!” coming from John in the background to punctuate a slightly uncomfortable environment. It’s a good thing you know and love Sherlock, because you’ll need that to make sure you don’t end up killing him while you live in 221B with him. Goodness knows John came close a couple of times :D

Edward: There’s a pact between the two of you that Edward will not, under any circumstances, read your mind without your prior spoken consent plus witnesses so he can’t try and twist your words against you. When times are desperate though, he will do so without consent because you’re damaging your mind or body. When you’re really down on yourself, Edward would tense up and suddenly hiss a, “Stop that!”, his fists clenched and his teeth biting into his inner cheeks. He would do whatever he could, even if he couldn’t fix it precisely, to help you find a healthier way to view yourself, even going so far as to ask Rosalie (who I feel experiences insecurities more than the rest of the Cullens) and Carlisle (for professional advice) on what to do. You would always be his number one priority, in everything he does. You like and prefer solitude so Edward would always mindfully avoid breaking your boundaries, though sometimes his ego gets in the way and he ends up doing exactly that. He never fully understands your anger but a brief break from you while he hunts almost always clears things up for him and he would profusely apologise, his voice sounding like he would cry if he could. He’d support you in your goal and would help you with absolutely anything - he would likely use his money, his family’s money, to get you to where you need to go. He has a crappy way of showing it sometimes, but he does love you.

[kinkymagnus]

Oh, don't worry about disagreeing with me. Everyone has a right to their own likes and dislikes, and no one should make them feel bad about those or in need of justification. It is the different viewpoints on the same subject that make a fandom, story plot, or dynamic so diverse. It also gives the opportunity to experience things from different perspectives. If everyone just agreed on and did the same thing, imagination might just become stagnant and die. Also, you are very polite and respectful in voicing your opinion, so I would never be mad about it.

I like the occasional possessive character (and sometimes even when it borders into the unhealthy, toxic kind of behavior, but I have to be in a special mood for those stories), but usually, I like it more in a ... how to say this, appreciative way? Like "I know what I feel for this person and I will treasure them and these feelings with all my might for as long as possible and yes I'm showing off my happiness. This is *my* love." (don't know if I was able to explain the kinda vibe I feel with this)

On the jealousy front, that's a little more difficult. For me, I enjoy jealous characters *if* the narrative doesn't turn melancholy and dramatic because of it. Like, the jealousy isn't in relation to the character not trusting their partner (like "this other person can give them so much more, they will surely leave me for the better option"), and not about them being angry that their partner is having a good time or anything like that. But more like "I love their laugh. I kinda resent the person that made them laugh like that a little bit right now, but just you wait, I will make them laugh like that as well." (again, not sure if I was able to explain the sentiment here)

Anyway, let me repeat that it is always okay to choose to not engage with content or story/character angles that you are not comfortable with. Or even to steer something that could go two ways into a direction that agrees more with you, even if the one asking was probably trying to go the other way with their ask.

I'm glad to hear that you still like discussing Malec and (sub) Magnus, even when you don't feel motivated to write for them anymore.

I will probably be back with more randomness soon. Hope you have a wonderful day :-)

<333 i just don’t want to be like “well cool if you like that but i DONT” ldkgjfdfg you know

yeah i mean to be fair, sometimes a story with a jealous/toxic/whatever character can be good, i just prefer like. i can enjoy that kind of story, but i want it to be like. for characters that are that, rather than bringing them to my blorbos/otps that Arent like that. does that make sense? it’s the same with like “dark” fics--i don’t mind dark fics! if they’re for something like, a darker canon. if that makes sense. like, i mean, for some reason the only example that comes to mind is hannibal even though i haven’t actually seen it--i would read hannibal fanfiction for fucked up codependent cannibal boyfriends. i would not read malec fanfiction for fucked up codependent cannibal boyfriends. you know? i don’t like making my blorbos that aren’t Already That dark/toxic/etc.

yeah i get that--there’s this certain brand of like. i think it’s technically possessiveness but it doesn’t feel like that to me because it’s not like... okay, actually, it’s like, a dragon’s hoard. but it’s “this is MY treasure and he is pretty and perfect and i am showing him off but he is Mine and only I get to have him :)” versus like, more traditional/classic evil dragon guarding hoard and being like, idk, controlling and like nobody else can have him (whether he likes it or not) rather than omggg no one else gets to have him bc he chose me and i chose him and hes mine and im his :) you know what i mean? yeah that was sooo coherent thanks me

but like, showing them off and treasuring them and being glad they’re yours and you get to have them with you but like, almost like. smug like yeah that’s right they chose ME and they’re MINE and i’m THEIRS. rather than being controlling its more--yeah, appreciative! like you said.

yeah, that’s fair, i can get behind it when it’s kinda silly and sweet and like they both know it doesn’t mean anything but they can’t help but be like “>:( but im prettier right. right” or whatever, just a little. although i think it’s less “i resent they made them laugh :/ *I* will make them laugh” because usually blorbos i like are too busy going “😍 oh.... their laugh...” bc anything that makes their lover happy makes them happy (i love couples who simp for each other a bit ldkgjdgh) but like, the general idea of like. it’s not about trust it’s just a silly little like. thing dflkgjdfg im so elegant

oh i LOVE discussing it, i just have low energy 😩 but some of the other fandoms im more active in right now aren’t really ripe for nsfw content so i miss writing it :( feel free to keep sending asks! i might take forever to respond but i Will eventually