#when he knows damn well he's BEEN breaking it with no consequences. not just there either

[hqrbinqerruoo]

UNDRESSED - Rin Itoshi

───────── ⋆⋅꒰ა☆໒꒱ ⋆⋅ ────────

“I don’t want the children of another man to have the eyes of the girl I wont forget.”

───────── ⋆⋅꒰ა☆໒꒱ ⋆⋅ ────────

CW: none! I don’t think so?

“Lets break up.” A faint whistle in the background blew as you just stared at him. A giggle leaves your throat. This is a joke. This has to be a joke… right?

But the jokes not funny anymore as those words lingered for far more than a minute with nothing but silence interrupting those heavyweighted words. “I didn’t know you were so good at joking around, Rin!” You nudge his shoulder with a smile, playing his words off as a joke.

He just stares at you. And then back towards the game of the little children playing soccer. “Anyways, like I was saying—” Rin cuts you off.

“I’m not joking.” Surely, he must’ve been joking, right? Theres no way he called you over here just to break up with you.

“Are you being serious?” You ask, staring up at him for the first time since he ushered those three words. It felt like a thousand cement bricks suffocating your body with those three damn words. A light-hearted laugh leaves your mouth once again as he doesn’t reply to your question. “Why?” You question him once more.

Maybe you were in denial. Or maybe he’s just playing an April Fool’s joke on you! But it’s November— November 19th— too late for an April Fool’s joke.

“Because I don’t need you.” He looks back at you, almost like hes seeking a reaction from you but you only smile at him. “And I promised myself to only focus on football, nothing else.” Rin hears you humming as if you were ignoring his words.

“Y/N, I’m not joking. Don’t contact me again.” He gets up from the wooden bench, grabbing his equipment from his earlier practice. What a cruel thing to say.

“You’re so cruel, Rin.” You say, once again with that smile on your face. He turned around to look at you once more; he never understood how you could smile so much, even in the toughest situations but thats what he liked about you. Yet, he kept his pace as he turned his head forward, walking away from you like nothing happened.

The world spun. It felt like colors were all merging together as you pulled your phone out of your pocket, just to be met with a lockscreen of you and Rin. He wore a light smile with eyes closed as you kissed his cheek. Just then could you let your smile falter as you dialed somebody’s number.

—

Your mom was hysterical. She had rushed home from work just to console you after hearing the news of your breakup with Rin. “How could he even say that to you!?” She reprimanded the air, sufficing as a replacement of the younger Itoshi.

“Mom.. It’s okay. Seriously!” Another smile. “He just said he wanted to focus on his football career and thats alright.” A big sigh could be heard as your mom put a hand to her waist for the nth time in the past hour. “But sweetie, a man should never say that to you! Do you really think its acceptable for him to say you were basically useless.” You just laugh it off before faking a yawn.

“I’m getting tired so I’m gonna head to bed, k?” She just nods and lets out another exasperated sigh. It’s not like she isn’t sad that Rin Itoshi isn’t your boyfriend anymore, she was actually quite fond of him. He would often help around the house and would always care for you when you caught sick. She was just so angry for you— as her child— to hear that a man would say something so ruthless to you.

—

The next day, you made sure to wake up extra early. You were determined to take Rin Itoshi out on a date today. Of course you didn’t tell your mom because you knew she would be highly opposed to it. Logically, that man literally just broke up with you. But you were never one to give up. You even formed a plan to make sure it worked! And even if it didnt… Well, you would suck up the consequences later, then.

Before leaving the house, you take a moment to get ready. You want to look your best — not for anyone else, but for yourself. You put on that cute sundress you love, the one with light, airy fabric that makes you feel a little more confident. You curl your hair just a bit, letting loose soft waves that frame your face nicely.

You apply a touch of light makeup — a bit of blush to give your cheeks some color, a swipe of gloss that makes your lips look fresh and natural. You want to feel good, to carry a little brightness with you as you step out the door. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you take a deep breath. Okay. You’re ready.

You step out into the quiet street, heart pounding in your chest. The store isn’t far, but the morning air feels fresh and a little cool, giving you a moment to steady yourself before you go in. When you finally push open the door and step inside, the familiar scent of baked goods and fresh produce hits you. The store is quiet, just a few other early risers browsing the shelves. You walk slowly, your eyes scanning the aisles with purpose.

First, you head to the section where they keep the instant foods. You already know exactly what you’re looking for — a box of that warm, comforting Ochazuke you know Rin loves. You find it easily, nestled between other Japanese snacks. You pick up a box, feeling its weight in your hand, and look at the packaging — simple, homey, with that familiar green tea and rice illustration.

You pause, holding it for a moment, imagining Rin’s face when he sees it. You tuck it into your basket, then move on.

Next, you head to the manga section. It’s a small, neat display, with rows of colorful covers. You scan the titles, your eyes catching on one of his favorites. It’s a series you’ve seen him read before, always with a little smile on his face. You take your time, flipping through the pages, making sure it’s the right volume.

Then, with a deep breath, you head to the counter and rent it, feeling a little nervous as the clerk scans it and hands it over. You clutch it tightly, like holding onto a lifeline.

The walk to his house feels slower, almost deliberate. Every step is a reminder of what you’re doing — trying to reach out, trying to hold onto something you’re afraid is slipping away. Your mind races with thoughts, but you focus on the small act of kindness you’re about to give him.

When you finally arrive at Rin’s house, nerves tighten in your chest again. You ring the doorbell, and his mom answers with that warm, familiar smile. “Hello Y/N!” You try to keep your expression steady with a smile.

“Hi, Mrs.Itoshi. Is Rin home? I wanted to see him.”

Her smile stays, but a flicker of something else crosses her face — a hint of hesitation. She looks at you softly, then asks quietly, “Did he tell you anything about today?”

Your heart sinks. “No, he didn’t mention anything,” you reply, trying to keep your voice even.

For a moment, her smile falters just a little, and she looks down before speaking again. “He just left to a football camp today… it’s called Project Bluelock.”

You blink, caught off guard. “Oh, really? Did he—”

She hesitates again, then looks at you with a gentle but sad expression. “Did he ever tell you he was leaving for that?”

You blink in surprise. “No, he never said a word.”

Her face softened, but her eyes revealed something more — a quiet understanding. She looked away for a moment, then sighed. “I apologize on his behalf, sweetheart. It must’ve just slipped his mind!” She waves her hand around with a soft laugh to distract you.

It seemed like he didn’t mention anything about the breakup to his mother as her doltish behavior was apparent; yet her words felt like a gut-wrenching punch to your body. Maybe this is why he wanted to break up with you, so you didn’t have to worry, right? Stomach twisted in pain and confusion, but you kept your composure. “How long do you think he’ll be gone?” you asked softly.

She looked uncertain, fidgeting as she thought. “It could last four years, or maybe less. It’s hard to say when he’ll come back.” Well, that just crushed your guesses.

You nodded slowly, then bowed your head slightly, forcing another strained smiled, it was basically your signature from now on. “Ah, okay. Thank you Mrs.Itoshi! Have a nice evening.”

Without waiting for more, you turned and walked away from his house, feeling the heavy weight of it all settle in. He really left — not just yesterday, but for good, it seemed. And no matter how much you hoped, the truth was sinking in like a hook: he truly did leave you behind.

—

The soft glow of the evening sun seeped through the curtains as you stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the delicate necklace around your neck. It had been more than a couple of months since Rin’s absence had left you in that dark, quiet hole—months of feeling lost, trying to hold yourself together.

But now, finally, you were beginning to crawl out of it, taking tentative steps back into the world of normalcy. You’d been going on dates with other men, trying to remind yourself that life still moved forward, even if a part of you still felt broken.

And among all those attempts, one man named Oliver Aiku had caught your attention more than the others—his easy charm, genuine kindness, and the way he made you feel like you mattered.

Tonight was your second date with him. You weren’t sure if it was nerves or hope, but deep down, you knew this was different. Something about Oliver made you forget the ache in your chest, even if just for a little while.

You took a deep breath and stepped out of your house, locking the door behind you. The city buzzed quietly around you, but your mind was still tangled in memories you couldn’t quite shake.

Now, as you headed to the restaurant, that familiar mix of excitement and anxiety settled in your chest. You’d been doing your best to move on, but part of you still carried the weight of the past.

The restaurant was elegant, with soft jazz music floating through the air and candlelight flickering on every table. You were led to a quiet corner where a man was already waiting, his eyes catching yours with a gentle warmth. Oliver Aiku. A professional football player, a shining star in Japan’s U-20 team, and someone who seemed to understand how to make a girl feel special without even trying.

He stood as you approached, offering a charming smile and a hand that you took hesitantly. His grip was firm but kind, and as you both sat down, he kept your hand in his, his thumb softly tracing circles on your palm as he ordered for you.

The dinner was slow, filled with easy conversation, laughter, and that rare feeling of being truly seen—really seen.

Oliver was romantic in a way that made your cheeks flush, spoiling you with small gestures—flower petals on the table, whispered compliments, a gentle touch on your shoulder. It was comforting, the kind of comfort you hadn’t realized you needed.

As the night deepened and the candles burned lower, he leaned in slightly, his voice lowering to a more serious tone.

“I’ve got a big match coming up,” he said softly, eyes shining with anticipation. “Against a team called Bluelock. It’s in a couple of months—probably right around when I’ll be at my busiest. I’ve been training hard for it, and honestly, I want to make it special. He paused.

“I’d love to invite you to come watch, maybe even see the game in person if you’re interested.” He shot you a wink.

You blinked, caught off guard by how casual yet meaningful the offer sounded. A few months still felt like a long wait, but the way he spoke about it made it feel like it was right around the corner. Your stomach tightened at the mention of Bluelock. You recognized the name immediately—Rin Itoshi. The thought hit you like a sudden gust of cold wind. You froze for a moment, feeling the familiar ache rise again, but you quickly masked it with a small, polite smile, nodding politely. No, you wouldn’t let him see how much that name still haunted you.

Oliver kept talking, rambling about tactics and players, the passion in his voice making your mind drift elsewhere. You found yourself staring at the flickering candle flame, images of Rin’s face flashing behind your eyes. The way he’d always hold you in his arms, how he always called everybody ‘lukewarm,’ and even when he said those three damned words to you. But the memories blurred together, tangled with the present, and suddenly, you felt distant, disconnecting from the romantic man sitting infront of you, at dinner.

“Are you okay?” Oliver’s voice broke through your reverie, gentle but concerned. You blinked, realizing you’d been silent too long. You offered a small, reassuring smile. “Nothing’s wrong,” you said softly. “Just… thinking.”

He studied you for a moment, then smiled again, understanding without pressing further. You finished your meal, the night winding down slowly, the world outside fading into a quiet hum. When the time came for him to drive you home, he stood, holding out his hand. You took it, feeling the warmth of his touch as he helped you into his sleek, luxurious car.

On the drive back, he pulled you close, giving you a quick hug and a wink before kissing the top of your hands. “Can’t wait to see you at the game,” he said softly, his voice tinged with excitement. “I really want you to be there. It would mean a lot.” You nodded, feeling the warmth of his presence, but inside, the ghost of Rin still lingered, stubborn and heavy.

As the city lights blurred past the window, you wondered how long you could keep pretending you were okay—how long you could keep hiding the ache that never quite faded. Because some memories, some names, just refused to let go, no matter how much time passed. And as you stared at the passing streets, you couldn’t help but think about that game. Maybe it was a sign? About how it was just a few months away, and how, somehow, it felt like it was already shaping your future—whether you liked it or not.

—

The stadium was alive, but somehow, it felt distant—like a dream you didn’t quite want to wake up from. You step through the gates, and your eyes are immediately drawn to the massive, life-sized cardboard cutouts lining the entrance.

All the U20 Japan players, frozen in mid-action, their faces bright and confident. But the one that catches your eye, the one that makes your heart skip a beat, is Oliver Aiku. His calm smile looks so real, so familiar—like he’s right there, waiting for you.

You pause for a moment, your gaze lingering on his figure. It’s funny, isn’t it? How the one who invited you here is also the reason you’re trembling inside. You look past the cutouts, past the crowds, trying to steady your breathing.

It’s been over a year since Rin Itoshi shattered whatever hope you had left. And yet, somehow, you’re back here—drawn in by the game, by the memories, by the ache of something unfinished.

You make your way to get snacks—just a soda and some popcorn—trying to drown out the noise of your own thoughts. The stadium begins to fill, the roar of voices and footsteps echoing around you.

Soon, both teams pour out from their tunnels—blazing with energy, fierce and determined.

Then, your eyes catch him—Rin. Tall, focused, his sharp gaze sweeping the crowd. You see him, and for a moment, your breath catches. He turns slightly—just enough—and you swear, for a brief second, he looks directly at you. Maybe it’s just your mind playing tricks, but you catch a flicker of recognition in his eyes.

And just as quickly, he’s gone, replaced by the figure of Aiku. Calm, composed, walking out with that gentle smile. Your eyes meet, and for a heartbeat, everything slows down—like the world is holding its breath. Aiku nods at you, a quiet “hello,” before he steps onto the field with his teammates.

The game began. It’s fierce, relentless—bluelock pushing forward with speed and precision. The tension between the teams is almost tangible, every pass, every shot soaked in anticipation.

You watch, heart pounding, as the score tightens. The air is thick with cheers, groans, and the raw energy of youth and competition.

The whistle blows, marking the end of the match. Bluelock is ahead—just barely—after what feels like the most nerve-wracking game you’ve ever watched.

The stadium begins to empty slowly, a gentle hum of departing fans as your phone buzzes suddenly—

AIKU- Meet me in the lobby when everyone leaves.

You swallow, nodding to yourself, and make your way through the quiet corridors, the emptiness almost surreal after the chaos of the game.

When you reach the lobby, there he is—leaning against the wall, a soft smile on his face that seems to carry a thousand unspoken words.

“I just wanted to see you,” he says softly, stepping closer. His voice is gentle but sincere. Without thinking too much, you find yourself stepping into his space, and he wraps you in a warm, genuine hug.

It’s not just a gesture—it’s a quiet reassurance, a moment of fragile connection.

He holds you for a beat longer than expected, then slowly pulls away, his eyes lingering on yours. He speaks again, quietly, almost like he’s afraid to disturb the moment.

“You looked good out there,” he murmurs, eyeing your flowy dress. “I’m glad you came.”

You want to say something back, but words feel unnecessary. Instead, you just smile, feeling a strange flicker of comfort amid all the chaos.

He hesitates, then finally, he says, “I’ve got to go now. The others are heading to an afterparty. But I wanted to see you. To thank you for coming.”

You watch him leave, your heart a little lighter, even as the echo of Rin’s shadow still lingers. Little did you know, Rin had seen everything—the hug, the exchange, the small, human moments that made your heart ache even more.

Later that night, you’re back at your house, standing in the quiet kitchen. The dishes are cleaned, the silence feels almost thick around you. Your mind is tangled, restless, and then your phone buzzes softly on the table.

You glance at it. Rin’s name. Your stomach tightens—an instinctive pull. You hesitate, then pick it up.

RIN— Meet me at our park.

He was sure you would come, just like a loyal cat that always finds its way home after wandering off out of curiosity. Even when abandoned and left behind, the cat’s love for its home and loyalty made it return, trusting that it was still a place of comfort.

This time, its return was because of its unconditional love, not just curiosity.

It’s late, but something urges you to go. You grab your jacket, step outside, and feel the cool night air. Shadows stretch long across the empty streets, and everything feels slow—like time is holding its breath.

When you arrive, there he is—leaning against the lamppost. His face is softer than you remember, but his eyes are guarded, like he’s been holding something back.

He looks at you, silent for a beat, then speaks quietly.

“Are you seeing anyone?” Rin asks, voice low.

You shake your head. “No.” It’s not like you were obligated to tell him the truth but who cares? Your ex who dumped you, the very ex that you’re still deeply inlove with, is speaking to you again. Maybe you were desperate but love knows no bounds.

He hesitates again, then asks, “What about Aiku?”

You shake your head again, with a small, quiet smile. You never really had feelings for Aiku—he was just someone to distract you. It was just a casual moment, nothing special.

Rin pulls out his phone and shows you a photo—Aiku, sitting between two girls, kissing him. You glance at it without much feeling.

“Who are they?” you ask softly.

Rin’s eyes flicker with something unspoken—regret, maybe. “Just some people from the party,” he says quietly. “I was curious, that’s all.”

He takes a breath, then, more straightforward than usual, says, “I’m sorry.” His voice is steady but unsure, like he’s still learning how to say it.

“For walking away. For how I treated you. I was scared—I guess I didn’t want to hurt you, or lose you…” He pauses, searching for your eyes. “In the end, I probably still did but-“

He cuts himself off. "..When I got invited to Bluelock, I thought I wouldn’t be enough to provide time for you. I thought it was better to leave.”

He looks down, then back up, a little awkward but sincere. “That’s stupid.” You reply with a smile as he looks up at you, the tip of his ears red from embarrassment. What a sweet sight.

His words hang in the cool air for a moment. Then he adds softly, “I never stopped thinking about you.”

You listen, feeling the honesty in his voice—clumsy, maybe, but real. “I just couldn’t stand it when I saw you and Aiku.. the thought that another man could have children with the eyes of the girl I would never forget.” He instinctively cringes at his own words. It was cringey, but it was true so in some sort of way, Rin felt it was validated.

“Not saying that you’d ever have kids with such a lukewarm bastard though…” He looked away, shy. How cute.

Another smile from you, followed by a laugh that Rin could never get tired of. “I forgive you,” you say quietly as you slowly lift a hand to his face. A gentle caress to his cheek as he leans into like its the most natural thing in the world.

Rin nods, a faint, uncertain smile on his face.

Under the quiet glow of the moon, you realize that sometimes love isn’t about perfect words or grand gestures. It’s just about trying—about being brave enough to say what’s true, even if it’s messy.

You stand there for a moment longer, silent but connected. Then, quietly, you turn back toward home, feeling just a little lighter—hope flickering inside, maybe this was the start of something real.

Maybe love is simply about trying.

[qazastra]

actually can i complain about my boss again.

apparently he only wants to have one experienced person on a training shift from now on. one person to train the entirely new worker how to work at our cafe. because "labor costs are through the roof." are you

are you fucking with meeee FUCK WITH MEEEEEE YOU PAY US MINIMUM WAGE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS

hes just simply not going to have people who know what to do then!!!!! bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gladiatorcunt]

- MOLTEN LAVA CAKE / IV.

when i get to heaven, please let me bring my man

cw: kinktober prompt (creampie), unprotected sex & playing fast and loose with it’s possible consequences, yandere behavior, age gap (reader 20’s, capitano & zhongli 50s, baizhu 40s), power imabalance, non con somno (childe), dub con, innocence kink & lowkey medical malpractice (baizhu), reader has a pussy, implied kidnapping (capitano), if you squint childe & capitano’s sections are connected, frequent breeding kink type talk, manipulation & coercion, implied baby trapping, dead dove do not eat

please do not repost, translate, or feed this work to ai

kinktober 2024

CEO!Zhongli

“Do be quiet, darling.” Zhongli grits, cupping your head with both of his palms and tugging you upwards. “I have no intentions of being an exhibitionist today.”

You arch off his grand wooden desk and gasp at the spark of pain in your neck, but you’d take that over drowning yourself in paperwork any day. Your boss’s cock is ramming into your ass at a porn star’s speed, the wet smacks of flesh slapping against flesh bounce off the one way glass walls.

This situation is the most cliché porn plot in the book though, the distant slightly emotionally unavailable boss bending his secretary over his desk and zipping down their pants. You had been running late that day, you forgot to set your alarm for Mr. Zhongli’s breakfast tea run and you had less cat food than you thought so you had to make a break for the grocery store.

By the time you scrambled in with a steaming cup of your boss’s favorite tea and his stack of reports to review and meeting requests to schedule, the older man was tapping his foot and crossing his arms. He didn’t look disappointed, not quite, but the gentle warmth in his eyes was gone and his small smile was flat.

In your desperation not to lose your job, this was your first and you’re only in your junior year of college, you follow him into his office and set down your things. Your cherry Marc Jacobs tote bag (bought by him, his papers and tea (bought by you with his money), your SINOCULTURAL orchid leather handbag (also bought by him, for variety).

Zhongli wasn’t the kind of pervy boss who’s hit on you before, you guess now that he was just lying in wait. You were the one that draped yourself over his desk with tears in your eyes, desperate and naive and relying on the principle of ‘sex sells’.

He’ll draft up a different beginning to your love story at your wedding.

“You take cock so well, perhaps we’ll have to have a discussion about adding this to your list of duties, hm?”

The condom sliding in and out of your walls makes you want to pout, but you know he has to have one. How he was able to pull a pack from his desk drawer on the spot is beyond you, you’re not quite willing to admit that you’d be so willing to keep your job you’d risk a baby and/or STDs.

“A-ah! Y-yes, sir, whenever you’re available, i-i’ll do anything.” You whisper over your shoulder and push your ass up, wanting the sight of his long cock disappearing under the thick cheeks to be as enticing as possible.

You clutch onto the golden plague bearing his esteemed name for dear life, muffling your sounds into the furniture’s lacquer, and let your boss pour all his stress into your holes. You tried to goad him into taking your ass but he gave you an amused chuckle and a firm pat to each cheek, chiding at you that he’d do it properly another time. He’s a gentleman under his silvered tongue and all his golden scales.

Zhongli seems to get fed up with the condom the closer he gets to his roaring orgasm, and all you’re able to let out in a punched squeal as he sharply pulls out and rips the condom off.

“This damn thing,” He huffs, snarling as he tosses the shredded scraps of plastic to the side, sinking back into your pussy in one go. “There, much better.”

You’re discovering that Mr. Zhongli is not the kind of man who groans unabashedly in the heat of the moment, he's prone to contented sighs and easy laughs. The closest you get to anything animalistic is the guttural grunt he lets slip as you clench around him near the end of his deep thrusts, milking him for all the cum this HR nightmare of a quickie can get you.

“One more thing before you go, be a dear and clean that up for me.” He points a black nail down at the puddle of cum expectantly, somehow having pulled his cock free with a wet flopping noise when you were too dizzy to notice, sinking back into his swiveling chair.

Sugar Daddy!Capitano

Your back hits the hotel wall, softened by Capitano’s hands coming to slide in between you and the surface.

“Mmfh- I’ve never… I’ve never done this before.” You shyly admit as your sighs fade into whimpers, the man’s stubble rubbing on your neck during his rain of kisses.

He laughs and his hot breath hits your pulse point, your heart skips a beat. “So you’ve told me. Don’t worry, you’re nothing but safe with me. I’ve already wired the initial 50,000 for our first meeting to your account, we don’t have to do anything that you are not comfortable with.”

You nod and run your fingers through his black hair, offering up more of your unmarked neck. Of course you’re comfortable, you were so nervous you could die hours earlier, but your first sugar daddy experience has turned out to be the ideal. Capitano made sure you were happy and pliant, offering ten times the amount of what most other men would just for this one dinner. What wouldn’t you be down with doing now?

He nips at your bottom lip, wrapping his burly arms around your chubby thighs and hoisting you up. You wrap your legs around his waist and giggle as you fall onto the bed of the hotel’s presidential suite. You trade sloppy and clumsy kisses for less and less articles of clothing, he places your jewelry and your accessories neatly on the nightstand.

“So you don’t prick yourself or worry about losing them, bambi.” He explains and pulls you into another syrupy kiss.

You lose yourself to fit of giggles as he reverently kisses down your body. The next hour is spent with your new sugar daddy licking your pussy, eating you out like a man would gulp down an oasis after a lifetime of being stranded in the desert. You couldn’t say how many times you flood his awaiting mouth with your juices and seed, but you’ll always remember how his Adam's Apple bobs on every swallow. As if it nourishes him, replenishes his soul from inside and out, warms like a good hearty soup.

Capitano slithers up your body to stroke a finger down your face, “Are you ready for me, honey? You’re spewing like a fountain but we can always just cuddle.”

“No, I'm ready, I want this, want you. Please, Daddy, need your cock.” And your money, but mostly your cock right now.

You settle into your position on your back and spread your legs, you grab the back of your ankles and keep them that way. Bearing yourself for the hungry gaze of a man twice your age.

“Alright, needy love, aren’t you? Here you go.” He coos, lining up his fat dick with your slick entrance and sinking in.

You almost wish you had turned the lights off. The way his massive looks hovering above yours, muscles tense and waiting to be exercised. You don’t have to look down at where his cock feeds your pussy, it’s like you can feel what every nerve and vein is doing and touching in your guts. You’re so glad the conversation about being tested was had on the sugaring app, you’re both clean and on the pill so you thought why not indulge in another first.

“Gorgeous cunt. Worth so much fucking more than 50,000. You like France, bambi? I’ll get you a castle in the countryside, this pussy would look divine getting pounded in one of their foyer’s and over their balconies.” He groans, husky and scratchy, kissing you and grinding his cock deep in your quivering pussy like you just got married.

You have to show him how to take a video of his goopy cum dripping out of your puffy folds, spreading them with your fingers and pushing it back inside.

The next morning, you wake up to a bundle of fresh roses and a calligraphy note on the pillow next to your head. You smile and take it all in, but eventually you tug on last night’s clothes and grab your bag. You grin down at your phone, feeling the butterflies play war drums in your stomach, this going somewhere good. There are times when you can just tell.

The suite door is locked, a man’s voice outside asks if you’re ready to be taken back to the boss’s home. On the way there you look through your bag, a message from your intuition, and your birth control is gone. But there are listings for several foreign properties, with a sticky note attached to the first.

‘Tell me which ones you like when you get home. I have my broker on the phone.”

Stalker!Childe

It’s a routine for him, slip in under your window, sink onto your bed and straddle your sleeping body, and fill you up with his cum until your belly bloats. You’ve never noticed, he’s good at cleaning up. And if you have, you’re docile enough to let him keep at it. Let the rabid wolf keep pawing at your door with bloody paws, leaving a carcass at your feet and doing it all over again the next day.

You know it’s just your boyfriend loving on you in private until you’re ready to go public. He understands you’re shy, a lot of the partners he’s had in the past haven’t exactly been social butterflies, but baby it’s just little ol’ Ajax! He wouldn’t hurt a fly let alone his precious significant other, don’t be silly. He has these kinds of conversations with you through hushed whispers against your ear and trembling fingers slipping under the straps of your tank top.

Ajax always preps you, save for a couple of times in the beginning because he was too excited. He prefers doing it with his tongue, but he does love a good fingerbanging session. He’d never cause any pain that wasn’t fun for the both of you, cross his heart and hope to die. He even brings a back up inhaler that he stole from your pharmacist in case you lose your current one.

He grins as he shimmies you out of your sleepwear, you never much, another sign that you’re meant to be “Shh, lovebug, I hope you’re having the sweetest dreams right now. I’m just stopping by to say hi. I have to be quicker this time, I'm real sorry, bub.”

Some as-gentle-as-possible rough fingerbanging it is.

Ajax keeps his eyes peeled so wide they burn a little as he crooks and curls his fingers in your tight pussy, marveling at your groggy whimpers that sooner than later snowball into light moans.

“You looked stunning in your outfit today, I like looser tops on you. I can see your titties bounce, swear to god. The leggings were a nice touch too, wanted to jog over during your walk and smack the shit out of it. But that’s not the meet cute you deserve, is it cutie?” He grips your face in one hand, the free one that’s not knuckles deep in pussy juice, shaking your head for ‘no’ for you.

“I promise we’re gonna meet soon, it breaks my heart to see you look so lonely, bub.” He’s not fazed when you seem like you’re waking up, he just ‘aw’s and strokes his thumb on your clit until you’ve fallen back asleep. “I can’t wait. I’ve gone over everything a million times, what I’m gonna wear, what I’m gonna say, our first date, our “first” time, I'm so ready for it all with you.”

You’re adorable, your brow is pinching and you’re tossing and turning. Your soft moans become louder and since you’re a heavy sleeper that doesn’t live in an apartment (not that he’d stop anyway, he’s seen how your next door neighbors check you out when you’re not looking), he scissors his fingers and speeds up the thrusts of his hand.

After months of this and vigorous hours at the gym, his wrist has stopped cramping entirely. He slips his free hand under his jeans and clasps it around his leaking dick, jerking himself off as he finger fucks your perfect pussy.

“Oh, there it is, honey.” Ajax gasps, tightening his grip around his painfully hard cock just as your walls tighten around his fingers. “It’s okay, keep going for me, you can do it.”

He times his strokes to the thrusts of his fingers, his breathing in sync with every rise and fall of your chest. You’re so wet, you’re leaking around his digits, your pussy making a sick squelching sound

“Oh fuck! I’m gonna cum baby, just from fingering your pretty pussy.” He pants, circling his thumb over the head of his weep dick and smearing his precum all over his length.

He’s moving so fast his hand is a blur, and he really doesn’t even register the sensation of fucking himself with his fist. Instead what he feels is the way your thighs seize up and your breath hitches, you arch your back off the bed in your sleep and that’s when he knows it’s time.

“Fuck, okay. Lemme get a little closer, lovebug, don’t want any of it to go to waste, right?” He keeps stroking his throbbing cock and blasting his fingers into your pussy, awkwardly trying to find his footing so he can get a good position.

He takes his fingers out of you and his heart squeezes in his chest when your hips buck after them and you whine.

“Here it comes, baby.” Ajax laughs at his own joke, positioning the tip of his dick right against your hole. With a shaky breath and an even shakier smile, he breaches your hole with only that part of himself, loving the way your cunt welcomes it in.

He laughs again when he floods your insides, crossing his fingers behind his back for this one to take. Don’t worry, it’s only a fantasy for now, you should at least have your first date before he knocks you up.

OBGYN!Baizhu

“Just lie back on the exam chair for me and we can begin.” Dr. Baizhu smiles warmly at you as you nervously play with your hands in the clinical room.

You nod, wanting to speak at little as possible. The chair’s paper covering crinkles and creases as you climb onto it, shuffling around before settling into a somewhat comfortable positon lying on your back. You look to Dr. Baizhu on your right, he’s available on your insurance and he has stellar reviews on any site worth trusting you could find. You’re just anxious anyway, and this is something you have to do, it won’t do you any good to get paranoid about all the things that could go wrong in a doctor’s office.

Baizhu’s eyes crinkle in the corners and he takes a seat on one of those rolling black stools. “So I take it that this is your first pelvic exam? Well, then be assured that you’re in good hands. It’s nothing scary, but I need to make sure your vulva and reproductive organs are in perfect working order.”

You laugh awkwardly and mutter back a “I know, I'm fine. Just a little tired, traffic was a nightmare.”

Your nerves already feel like they’re fading away, Dr. Baizhu’s voice is so pleasant and he has such a kind demeanor, you understand why this clinic was so eager to have him. The woman who signed you in was raving that it was his first day after leaving a major hospital, that they were so lucky and you were too.

“Now I'll have you slide down to the end of the table and put your knees in these stirrups, it’s perfectly safe and if you need to take a breather, please let me know.” He croons, allowing you the freedom and comfort to act on your own. He’d never want to make you feel panicked, as if he were forcibly restraining you.

The exams aren’t really a big deal when you’ve gotten over that hump, but Baizhu knows that first times of any variety can be scary. Especially for skittish patients such as yourself, with as much prey drive as a barn bunny being chased by a sheepdog.

You lie there and endure every probe and thoughtful hum. Your vulva is fine and Dr. Baizhu ends that part of the inspection with a quick pat to your mound, his lips twitching as if trying to resist the urge to kiss.

“Okay, now I'm just going to check out your cervix, keep still.” The man hums, smoothing a hand down your right calf from the stirrup to your knee. “You’ll feel some pressure, but nothing painful.”

“Really?” You bite your lip and eye the instruments on the little table by the sink.

Dr. Baizhu chuckles, “Of course. Some patients do experience pain, but it’s not a definite thing, everybody’s different. At most, you’ll feel a tad uncomfortable and exposed.”

So you brace yourself and expect to feel the cold metal of what looks like some kind of forceps. Instead you look down to see your doctor unbuttoning his pants.

He catches your eye and waves off your concern, “Cold metal just seems so abrasive for your first time. You might do better with a more… human approach, something to test how well you can stretch. Don’t worry, I'll put protection on, I'd be a horrible doctor if I didn't.”

Sure enough he slides a latex condom on, covered in tiny holes but you brush it off as being a part of the design. Baizhu’s cock twitches, feeling a sick thrill at how easy you are, at how he can whip his dick out and you’ll believe it’s in your best interest.

He doesn’t release you from the stirrups, and they rattle as he plunges inside inch by inch. Slowly and mind numbingly, to properly gauge your cunt’s ability to expand around the intrusion. You gape up at him, feeling far more than just a tad uncomfortable and exposed. His lips twitch again, torn between maintaining the facade and stuffing your cervix with his cock or breaking character and dipping down to kiss your adorably parted lips.

“I’d give you a piece of candy if that wouldn’t embarrass you. You’re doing great, just relax and the pressure will ease up.”

“Ngh- hah- O-okay, doctor. Thank you for helping me.” You don’t know why you say it, who thanks their doctors for doing a basic exam? But he groans and his hips rush forward all the same.

Your cunt is impossibly tight, which is to be expected but it’s not any less delightful to experience.

The paper underneath you makes you want to claw your eyes out as his thrusts force your back to slide back and forth on it. That, the stirrup straps clacking, and your shared soft pants are the only sounds in the locked room. It’s not as anxiety inducing as you’d expect, the planets in the office orbit around the doctor and as long as they think he’s in an appointment (and isn’t he?) they won’t interrupt. His eyes crease, he promises to give you a home visit when you’re done here, just to be thorough and make good on that promise of candy.

Something sweet for the embodiment of the cavities is in his soul, cunny strangles him tighter than a noose.

Dr. Baizhu shudders as you reflexively clench around his pulsing cock and attempt to kick out your legs only to be held back by the stirrups, “Don’t mind the mess, ‘s all par for the c-course, my dear.”

You squirt on his next thrust, and your tangy juices drip down onto the cold gray floor. The gooey cum that escapes the holes in the condom follow suit and form a little pool. Dr. Baizhu takes several pictures of your seed heavy pussy with his flip phone for medical reference.

[duuhrayliegh]

consequences

a/n: I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS CAME FROM BUT HERE YOU GO

also i'm more than happy to continue this if yall want more, just LET ME KNOW

other works

“You want to what?"

"To open our relationship."

You stare at him in disbelief, clutching the soft blanket in your hands. There's a sharp ringing sounding through your eardrums and everything around you slows. He keeps talking, his voice breaking through the barrier of fog that encompasses your senses.

"I want us to remain honest with each other, but this is the only way to keep our relationship healthy."

He steps away from the kitchen counter, wearing the sports jacket you bought him for your sister's wedding.

"I want the both of us to disclose when we start dating someone else. That's the main boundary, we can hammer out all the ground rules later. Right now, I'm going on a date, so uh," he pauses as he checks his reflection in the mirror beside the door one last time, "don't wait up."

You try to focus on his words, but no matter your efforts you weren't able to process anything. His keys jangle in his grip and you faintly recognize the sound of the door slamming closed and his footsteps echoing down the empty corridor of your apartment.

"I still can't believe he said that to you."

The singular ice ball hits against the sides of your glass with each tilt of your wrist. You take a long drag of the dark liquor before laughing sardonically.

"It's been six months of him parading his dates around." Another sip, your work skirt digs into your thighs painfully. You distract yourself by reaching for a peanut from the nearly empty bowl. "And what's worse is that he still expects me to be the doting wife that he comes home to every night!"

The bartender refills your glass while you sneak another peanut. You card your fingers through your hair as you continue to rant. A dull throb radiates in between your brows so your eyes slide closed as you take deep breaths.

"Well, I can't imagine you're doing so bad yourself."

You hum questioningly at the man, focusing your gaze on the dark-haired bartender, his stubble dusting his sharp jaw as the muscles work beneath the skin. His eyes haven't left you since you sat down in front of him.

"I see you in here." You begin to pick at the skin around your nails and he nudges a bowl of peanuts in your direction. "Men come up to you all the time. You've been on dates too, right?"

You reach for a peanut and crack open the grainy shell, biting the inside of your cheek. Your bartender laughs incredulously and then presses his hands into his side of the counter to lean over toward you. The cloth he tosses over his shoulder must be damp because the fabric of his white button-up is darkened there.

"Focus on me, Peanut."

Your eyes snap to his, unable to keep the overflow of expression from brimming beneath the surface. Your heart cracks further as he visibly softens, crumpling against the counter to cover your hand with his. A tense silence stretches between the two of you, charging the air with unwelcome emotions.

Your bartender’s spare hand cups your jaw and swipes away the glistening tears fleeing down your cheeks. Sniffling loudly while straightening in your seat, you pull away from his touch—effectively stopping yourself from melting into him.

You’ve worked so hard to make this shitty dive bar your safe place, you’ll be damned if you ruin it with a fling.

“I don’t even know why I’m wasting tears on this whole thing.” You take three deep breaths—whiskey and apples invade your senses. The man in front of you tilts his head to the side while drying a few crystal glasses.

“You’re avoiding my question, Peanut.” He turns briefly and you try to figure a way out as the cups clink softly. “You have been dating too, right?”

Your teeth trap your bottom lip, peeling off the thin layers of skin. You purposely avoid his eyes, doing less than nothing to hide your answer.

“Jesus, Peanut. What’s stopping you?”

You huff, focusing your attention on the patrons around you. There’s noticeably less than there were when you first arrived. The bar guests go about their business, underlying emotions kept close to their chest and out of sight to everyone else. You wish you could be that way, instead of sewing your heart to your sleeve for anyone to rip pieces from.

“I--" You hesitate, twirling your glass, watching as the ice fights to keep up with the sudden movements you force on its surroundings.

"Some small part of me still loves him. No matter how much he hurts me with this whole open relationship bullshit. I'm still thinking that one day he'll wake up and remember that I've been his loving wife and partner for the past six years. This can't be my new reality. It just can't. He's meant to be my partner for life, not my partner who has really good friends. Not my partner with a girlfriend or some fuck buddy across town."

This is the can of worms that you'd hoped to keep locked away from the Commando's dive bar. What you've held close to your chest every night you slink past the blonde bouncer, Steve. The information you never let slip to the six-foot-five bartender with the metal arm. And now, you can't seem to stop the words from leaving your mouth.

"He's supposed to be my husband. Why isn't he my husband? Is it me? He said that we would talk about what the reason was, but I can't get him to sit down with me. I can't even get him to reply to a text, much less answer questions about our relationship."

You spit the last word before downing the rest of your drink in one go. Bucky stands patiently as you let loose every emotion that you've bottled up for the past six years. Further in the bar, someone shouts for the last call.

"Why don't I date? Because I love him. Because outside of him, I don't know who I am. I don't date because I've been with the same man for almost a decade and I wouldn't even know where to begin. I can't see past where I'm at right now. There is no future for me outside of the hell that I find myself in now. I can't date because I want to be there for when my husband remembers that I exist. I want to be there for him like he wasn't for me because I know the novelty of his flings will wear off soon enough. And maybe that makes me worse than him, but I don't know if I have the energy to care anymore."

There's now a heavy silence covering you and your whole body slumps because of it. Despite feeling the biggest breath of relief of getting those emotions out in the open, you now have to deal with what they mean. You were always taught that saying your emotions out loud would only lead to more issues, but here you fucking are. Sometimes these things are unavoidable.

"I call bullshit."

Your jaw drops as your bartender rocks away from the counter. You flounder as he starts performing closing duties. You stare at Bucky's back, slightly distracted by the muscles working underneath the tight material.

"Did you just bullshit my feelings?"

Bucky turns halfway, eyebrows raised, "Yep."

Your bartender plucks the glass in front of you and drops it in the sink on his way to the cash register. If you were in a whole state, you'd smack back with a witty comment, but you're tired.

"You can't bullshit my feelings."

He holds a stack of twenties in one hand and he pins you with the same expression as before.

"Uh, yeah I can."

He continues to count the register and tosses a goodbye to the other bartender. A long lull stretches between you. Now it's just the two of you in the bar, and that must have been what he was waiting on because it's only now that he really talks.

"Peanut, how long have you been coming here?"

You furrow your brow at the question, not sure where he's taking his line of questioning.

"I don't know, four months?"

“Four months, twenty days."

Bucky's retort is quick and final. A fact. Something he's committed to memory. You're taken aback by the heavy tone he layers between the syllables.

"And for those four months and twenty days, I've stood behind this counter and watched you wallow. I've watched you turn down proposition after proposition. I've had Steve throw out dozens of men for how they speak about you. I've sat back and tried to be the listening ear that you need because you're clearly going through a really difficult time. I've never been in the position that you're in and I'm not going to pretend that I understand the half of it."

He slams the drawer closed and rounds the countertop. His boots thud against the floor violently, stopping beside the barstool next to you. Your bartender leans down and swings your stool to face his before taking a seat.

"I've stood behind that bar and was able to listen to quite a bit. But what I can't have is you thinking that you're the issue."

His hand slips into yours, his thumb tracing the knuckles of your fingers. Tears begin to brim at your waterline again, but you refuse to let them fall.

"Peanut, you're the most loyal person I've met in recent years. You love fiercely and you hurt even harder. Hell, you've been with this guy for almost ten years and he's been fucking you over for the past six months and you're sitting in this bar defending him to a relative stranger!"

"But he--"

"Your husband took the decision away from you and then framed it in a way that made you out to be the bad guy. He put you in a nearly impossible situation because he knew you were too loyal to him to do anything about it."

"He didn--"

"Yes, he did."

Having it laid out like that by the one person you wanted to be kept away from all of it was eye-opening. Your shoulders crumple and a new wave of tears threatens to escape.

"Now, this isn't the best time, but I feel like in a situation like yours there's never going to be a 'right' time."

Bucky sits up straighter and sticks his metal hand out to you.

"Hi. I'm Bucky Barnes. I'm a retired Army Sergeant and I now work in the Howling Commandos bar. I've been your bartender for the past four months and twenty days. Over that time, I've grown to care for you, more than a bartender should. Because of that fact, I want to take you out on a date."

You suck in a breath sharply, immediately going to deny him, only for Bucky to cut you off.

"You don't have to give me an answer right now, Peanut. Just think about it and whenever you're ready, I hope I'm your first call."

You chew on the inside of your cheek, gnawing on the idea. You have grown fond of Bucky. He's become a sort of safety net for you these past few months. Going home has proven to be more and more of a chore so you spend hours on end in the Howling Commandos.

What if you and Bucky go on a date and you hate it? What if you date and you have a huge falling out? What if you--

"I can see the wheels turning, Peanut." He taps your temple with a cold metal finger. "What are you thinking?"

"What if we end up not working out?"

"What if we do?"

The question hangs. The implication is clear. You could spend hours going through the what-if scenarios, both positive and negative. You'll never truly know until you take a leap of faith.

"What would your boss think of you dating one of your new regulars though?"

You're grasping at straws, but you're really trying to convince yourself that taking that leap with Bucky would be the worst thing in the world.

"Peanut, I'll sell the damn bar before someone other than you tells me that I can't date you."

Your eyes meet his and all you can see is the adoration and sincerity in them. His thumb is still working over your knuckles, but it's also expanded to tracing aimless circles into the back of your hand. The cool metal is the only way you've grounded yourself to reality.

A slow smile spreads across your features, the first of its kind tonight and you both know what it means.

[luvhcarly]

the council would like to request a part 2 to tell me how much u want it

PUT THAT SMART MOUTH OF YOURS IN A GOOD USE.

previous part

After you break up with your boyfriend because you found out he cheated on you again you find yourself infront of his apartment with tears streaming down your face, even though you told him that you should keep it professional…

PAIRINGS: dom!san x fem!reader

GENRE: smut, professor x student, college AU

TAGS: smut, p in v, cheating, cum swallowing, oral (m receiving), San is mean and toxic towards reader, age gap (San is in his 30s and reader is 22), angst, use of pet names (love, slut), swearing, kind of manipulation, San is obsessed with reader and can’t let her go, dirty talk, mention of divorce!, lmk if I missed anything!

WC: 7.3k

A/N: I wanted to thank you guys for the love on the previous part! I decided to give you part 2 of this so enjoy!

Reminder! English is not my first language if you find any mistake lmk!

© All rights reserved luvhcarly do not copy, repost, or translate.

You knew it would be a mistake to step into his office, but you couldn't ignore it. A few weeks have passed since what happened and clearly you couldn't stop think about it, but at the same time you felt guilty. You cheated on your boyfriend even though you basically just paid him back. Well, it wasn't you. You never did such impulsive things. You didn't tell anyone about what happened, despite the fact that your friend suspected you of something.

"Come in." You were snapped out of your thoughts by a man's voice that sent chills down your spine. You took a deep breath and stepped inside, immediately meeting his gaze, which you couldn't quite place. He was sitting on a chair and his hands were on the table, as if he was waiting for you to sit down. As soon as you looked around the room, you remembered everything that happened. The way he fucked you against the desk, the way he told you words that you would like to hear again.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" You put your thoughts behind your head and broke the silence that was between you two. He laughed at your 'sir' and shook his head. He pointed with his hand to the place in front of him for you to sit down and so you did. You sat down on a chair and put your hands on your thighs and cleared your throat nervously.

“Weeks ago you called me San, now you call me sir, again.” With a raised eyebrow he said as if he wanted to indicate something, but you didn't know exactly what. He sighed when you remained silent at his words and he leaned his body more against the seat, not taking his eyes off you. San scanned you, your hair was down and you were wearing a t-shirt that once again hugged your body too well. He cleared his throat when he realized that thoughts lead where they don't belong, but damn why did you have to look so fucking good. Your lips were slightly parted as if you were about to say something, your eyes looked at him with that look that drove him crazy.

"I think-" You took a deep breath and looked at him. "I think we should forget about what happened. It could affect my studies and-" if he was telling the truth, he really didn't expect this. He was expecting something like it shouldn’t happen again or that you should be careful about this? Did he feel… duped? Forget what happened? How the hell do you want him to forget?

“Yeah, It could affect my job so I agree.” But he did not argue and only nodded. He had nothing to say to you even if he wanted to scream at you, Kiss you and do it again and again without any consequences.

"That's all I wanted to talk about. You can go.” His words were sharp, toxic. Something inside you broke, your heart shattered as if you had been stabbed in the heart. Why did you want him to say something else? To say that he doesn't want to forget. That he wants it again and again.

"Okay." With those words, you stood up and turned around. Before you left, you gave him one last goodbye look and then left. You let him sit there, thinking about the fact that he should have stopped you and told you how he really feels. But he knew that he would hurt you and himself.

“Fuck-“ San mumbled under his breath and ran a hand through his hair, when you left. He didn't want to forget what happened, even if it was just an one time thing. He wanted to help you so that you wouldn't feel stupid that your boyfriend cheated on you, but rather he did it for himself because he couldn't stay away from you.

-

"Are you okay, babe?" Your boyfriend’s voice interrupted you when he noticed how you were playing with the food with your fork. Your expression was nervous, tired, something he hadn't seen in you that often.

"What?" You shifted your gaze from the food to him and swallowed loudly when he gave you a puzzled expression. "It's nothing just school stuff." You lied to him and gave him a smile, he nodded at your words and smiled back. Then there was a silence between you, which you didn't like that much, but you weren't in the mood to break it. Your thoughts were elsewhere. You were lost. You were lost in your own head.

“We should go on a dinner tomorrow, to take a break from the stress." He proposed to you with a nice smile and you took a sip from your drink, nodding at his suggestion and smiling at him. "Yeah, that would be great." You really weren't in the mood to go somewhere social, but you didn't refuse.

“Is something bothering you, y/n?” With that he suddenly asked and the fork fell from your hand to the floor. "I-..." you opened your mouth and were about to tell him everything that happened, but then you closed your mouth. “No. I am just tired as I said." That's the only thing you told him and he didn't discuss it further, even if he didn't believe you. Well, he wasn't planning on arguing with you or anything like that so he just nodded his head and continued to eat his food.

After dinner you lay down in bed and took your phone in your hand, your boyfriend was lying next to you and he was also on his phone. You decided to check whether the results of the tests you wrote last week had not arrived yet. Your eyes widened when you saw that you didn't pass his class.

Didn't pass.

How? He tutored you, you wrote everything correctly there. You furrowed your brows at that and your anger rose. What's his problem? You didn't understand it. And that’s why you stayed after his class the next day.

“Professor, wait!” You shouted as he left the classroom and you caught up with him with quick steps.

"I have another class, Ms. Y/n.” His words were again sharp without interest, as if he was telling to leave him alone that he was not interested in talking.

"It won't be long, I just-"

"We will discuss it tomorrow during class, if you have some problem." He stopped and turned to you. His brows were furrowed and he wore glasses. You swallowed loudly at his words and sighed.

"I-..." You opened your mouth and were about to say something, but then you nodded. Despite the fact that you were angry that you didn't pass his class, you suppressed your anger again. His expression made you feel the respect you had for him. "Okay." You said and he left without another word. When he was out of your sight enough, he let out a sigh that he didn't even know he was holding back. He knew that you probably wanted to talk about why you didn't pass. But his reason was simple. He thinks you have more in you than what you wrote in the test. That’s why he didn’t let you pass, or maybe there was another problem?

“Asshole.” You muttered to yourself as you slammed the locker shut and an annoyed sigh escaped your lips. He was acting strange.

"Who is an asshole?" Your friend's voice rang out and you jumped a little. You did not expect that she would be here and that she would hear you.

"You scared me!" You punched her on the shoulder and she laughed at your words, but then immediately gave you a serious expression.

"Who were you cursing at?" She asked again, her curiosity growing. You raised your eyebrows at her question and pretended that you didn’t say anything before

"What? No one." You gave her a smile, but she still didn't believe you, she already knew you very well. "Your boyfriend again?" She leaned against the locker and crossed her arms over her chest, patiently waiting for your answer.

"No, of course not." You blurted out quickly and she just sighed and bit her lower lip as if she wanted to tell you something.

“You are acting weird lately. Is everything okay?” She finally asked and you ran a hand through your hair and furrowed your brows.

"I'm fine! Why is everyone asking me that”You said with a raised voice and your friend sighed and shook her head. She didn't understand why you were suddenly so angry and nervous. You were never like that, you always walked around smiling, but now you looked like you were going through something. When you realized that you had raised your voice at her and that you are taking out your anger on her for no reason, you swallowed loudly and squeezed your eyes.

"I'm sorry... I'm just tired." You rubbed your forehead and looked at her. She had a disappointed expression on her face, as if she understood you. "Yeah, I get it. Get some rest, y/n.” With her hand she stroked your shoulder. "And stop stressing about school." She added and gave you a sweet, friendly smile, which you returned in return.

You were nervous all day, probably because of school. Despite the fact that you were not in the mood to go to that dinner with your boyfriend, you went. You went to a romantic restaurant together and sat down, talked and joked. You felt that it was the same again as before and your stress subsided. "I will be right back, babe." He stood up and you smiled at him from behind the glass and he directed his steps to the bathroom. At that moment, his phone, which had its screen facing downwards, started ringing. Somehow you didn't pay attention to it, but when the phone rang several times, you gave up. You looked around the restaurant to see if he was coming back, but when you saw that he was nowhere to be found, you picked up his phone.

"When are you going to break up with y/n?"

"Babe, I want you. Please?”

"Can you come over tonight, we could have some fun?" ;).”

You swallowed at the texts and a tear started to run down your cheek.

“I’m back-“ A voice came from behind you and you gripped the phone tighter in your hand and gave him a hateful look.

"Babe, It's not what-"

"Save it. I don’t want to hear it. You didn’t change.” Your voice was hateful and your words were sharp, he leaned closer to you and wanted to stroke your shoulder, but you pulled away.

"Can we talk about it? Everybody is watching us, y/n. Calm down." He looked around nervously when he noticed people's curious looks. You wiped your tears and picked up your jacket.

“No.” You muttered. "We are done." You said and he shook his head at your decision. With those words you left and left him there alone. As soon as you left the restaurant, you put on your jacket and hugged your body. Raindrops began to fall on your skin, which you let out a sigh. You didn't know where to go. Only one place came to your mind. His apartment.

Flashback.

“She signed the papers.” He informed you and looked up from the phone to you and measured you. You already had your skirt on and put your t-shirt back on. "That's great!" You gave him a sweet smile and he sighed but then smiled. He leaned his body against his desk and ran a hand through his hair before resting his hands over his chest.

"Yeah, it is, but I will have to move out."

"Move out? Where?” You blinked fastly at him being confused. He could hear in your voice that you were a little afraid that he would leave, but you didn't try to show it in any way.

"You know the new apartments just two blocks away from school?” For a small moment, you thought about his words, but when you remembered the new apartments nearby, you nodded.

"Well, I already have papers set for this but I waited if she would sign the papers and she did so." He usually didn't talk that much, but now he wanted to. He wanted to tell you everything that was on his mind, and it didn't bother you at all. You liked to listen to him and you were glad that he was saying something that was bothering him. San looked at you nervously, as if he realized that he might be talking too much, but your words calmed him down.

"The apartments are beautiful and I think that it's a great opportunity to start a new life for you." Your words were soft and kind, it warmed his heart. Maybe it's an opportunity to start something new. Something that will fill him and make him feel good. He gave you a smile and his thoughts took him where they probably shouldn't have. Well, for a few seconds he imagined that he lives with you, but then he immediately put it behind him. It's impossible.

End of flashback

“Y/n?” The door in front of you opened and he appeared there. His hair was messy and his eyes were tired, he was wearing a black oversized T-shirt and gray sweatpants. It was strange because you didn't usually see this on him.

"I'm sorry to barge in here like this but-" You stopped talking for a moment and took a deep breath. "I didn't know where else to go." Your hair was wet and so were your clothes. He had a surprised expression on the shapes that you were standing here in front of him, your eyes completely red and your mascara smeared.

"Come in." The words he usually spoke gave a completely different meaning to you. He stepped back from the door and let you in, taking your jacket off your shoulders and hanging it on the hanger to dry. He then directed his steps into the kitchen and you followed him, looking around the apartment with your eyes. It was nice and new. Everything was in white and black colors, which you would expect from him.

Without another word, he took a sip of water and leaned against the kitchen counter while you kept looking around. He could see from your shape that something was wrong, otherwise you probably wouldn't be here. But he was surprised that you remembered his words from a few weeks ago. He didn’t ask you what happened, he just looked at you with his eyes and then put the glass down.

You watched with your eyes as he left suddenly and then came back with a dry T-shirt and sweatpants. "Go take a shower." He ordered and handed you dry clothes. You nodded at his words and he let out a sigh. As soon as he pointed in the direction where the bathroom was, you directed your steps there. When you stepped into the bathroom, you smelled his usual scent and you swallowed loudly at that. Then you took off your wet clothes and stepped into the shower. Immediately warm almost hot water touched your skin and you tried to wash away all the bad thoughts and the anger you still had inside. You were a fool to think it wouldn't happen again. You naively thought that everything would be the same as before.

A small sigh escaped your lips as the same scene replayed in your head as you slowly scrolled through the screen of his phone and read the texts. You still couldn't believe that it happened so suddenly. You spent quite a long time in the shower, and he thought that something had happened to you, but when he saw that you got out of the shower. Your hair washed and his clothes on you. The shirt he gave you was a little bigger, and the sweatpants too…

San cleared his throat and he pushed you a cup of tea infront of your face, which you graciously accepted and sat down on the couch next to him. You took a sip of the hot tea and looked ahead. There was an awkward silence between you, as if you were both thinking of what to say. Well, the only thing you could say was:

"Thank you." You muttered and looked down at the cup of tea you were clutching tightly in your hand. You had the feeling that if you clenched it even more, it would shatter into a million pieces. Like you an hour ago. "I broke up with him." You suddenly blurted out and he immediately turned his gaze to you. He raised his eyebrows slightly at your words as if he didn't expect it.

"Sorry to hear that." He actually lied, he was glad you were not together. That you did it. Did he feel happy? Relaxed? He didn't even know how he felt, but he only knew that deep down he was glad that it was so.

“He did it again.” You added and he furrowed his brows. He didn't like it, but even more he didn't like that you were here and that you were saying this to him.

"Why are you telling me this?" You shifted your gaze from the tea to him and gently parted your lips. You didn't know what to say to that. A tear ran down your cheek and you wiped it away with the tip of your fingers and swallowed loudly.

"I'm just confused." He laughed, he didn't even know why, but he found this situation funny. "Yesterday you told me that we should keep it professional and now you are here. Crying.” His words were sharp and unpleasant. You put the tea on the table in front of you and shook your head at his words that he was right. But why didn't you feel it that way?

"You are right. I-" as soon as you started to speak, he cut you off.

"Are you doing this on purpose or what?" His eyebrows were furrowed and he had a strange expression on his features that you had never seen on him.

“What? No! Of course not I just-“

“You giving me those eyes during class, showing up in my apartment.” He shook his head at you, he didn't care that the tears were running down your cheeks more and more. He wasn't really interested at this moment because he wanted to understand why you were doing all this. What is your deal? Distracting him?

“Tell me y/n. Why?” He raised his eyebrows and stared at you, patiently waiting for your answer. "Because I'm curious. You just show up here crying and telling me the same shit over again.” He let out a sigh and you just stroked your brows furrowed and lips parted, tears still running down your cheek. "Expecting what? That I will tell you It's alright and some other kind of shit?" He chuckled at his words and ran a hand through his hair, leaning further into the couch. His eyes were fixed in front of him, but you were watching him. You watched his every move and listened carefully to his sharp words that came from the depths of his heart.

"that I will hug you and whisper lovely words to your ear?" He added and then got back into the previous position to see your face. He could see on your face that you were taken aback by his words and that you didn't know what to say. “Well, I am not that kind of guy, if you thought that I would do that.” You took a deep breath when he finally finished and wiped your tears again and stood up from the couch.

"It was a mistake coming here." You muttered and when you were about to leave, his words stopped you.

"Yeah walk away. That's what you are best at." He had his elbows on his knees and watched carefully as you turned sharply at his words, tears were no longer running down your cheeks, but he could see from your features that you were angry. Angry because of what he said.

“Says you. You walked away from your wife and almost cried at my fucking shoulder after you fucked me.” Your words were full of anger, you were like a ticking bomb. He got up from the couch at your words and stepped closer to you. His jaw clenched and his Adam apple bopping every time he swallowed.

"I fucked you because I saw that you were desperate, remember?" He said and you shook your head at his words, you knew he was right but still you didn't let it go.

"I let you because you were so desperate to fuck someone who actually gives a fuck about you." You spilled those words into his face and at that moment he grabbed your wrist and pulled you closer, his hot breath touching your face.

"I can choose who I want to fuck, love. You would be surprised how many students came to my office and flirted with me. But I only fucked you, isn't that funny?" His words were ridiculous, he directly mocked you. He moved closer to your ear and his words sent a chill down your spine. "Should I remind you the words you said to me?" Your breath hitched and he saw it. He saw how you suddenly became nervous and also how a chill passed through your body, his words full of mockery and teasing. He knew very well the effect he had on you and he intended to use it very well.

"That I fucked you better than your boyfriend. Pfuu… y/n.” He pulled away from you to get a good look at you. "Tough words, right?" You swallowed at his words because he was right, but you still had no plans to stop throwing arguments at him.

"I only said that to make you satisfied and to boost your ego." Your words were funny to him so he just laughed at you and your stupidity.

"Your body said something else that time." San enjoyed how your body trembled gently and how his words always sent chills down your spine every time. But he thought it was very funny how you pretended that it had no effect on you and that you looked confident. “And now your body is saying something else too.” He shifted his eyes to your parted lips and how you immediately closed them and swallowed. You hated it as he had readen you from head to toe. How did he know what reacts to you and what doesn't.

“You asked why.” Out of the blue you changed the subject and his grip loosened on your wrist and he raised his eyebrows. He didn't understand where you were going with those words.

"What?" He asked you incomprehensibly and a small sigh escaped your lips, wondering if you really should say that. "I came because of you." You looked into his eyes and searched for something in them, maybe a hint of what he was thinking. That he feels what you feel.

"I came because I can't stop thinking about you. Fuck, you- you are driving me crazy.” Your words caught him by surprise and he immediately let go of your wrist and bit the inner corner of his mouth. “And fuck, yeah I expected you to hold me and tell me that it will be okay. I admit, okay? I even admit that I always walk away from the problems instead of solving them. And I’m sorry about what I said about your ex-wife. Fuck, I even admit that you fucked-“

“Just, shut up.” He interrupted you and immediately took your cheeks in his hands, using them to bring you closer to him and kiss you. Despite the fact that his words before were sharp and unpleasant, you let him kiss you. You wanted it. His touch on your cheeks was soft and warm and the kiss was soft and gentle. “You talk too much.” He said between kisses and his hands slipped to your waist, pulling you closer. The kiss became more dominant and passionate, he ran his tongue over your lips and you opened your mouth and gave him the freedom to push his tongue into your mouth. His tongue exploring your mouth with a hunger that belied his earlier resistance and you sighed as his hands slid to your ass and squeezed it.

He lifted your body by your ass and you immediately wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. Without breaking the passionate kiss, he carried you to his bedroom and slammed the door behind him, leaning you against it. He let your body slowly slide off him and put one hand on your waist and the other on your cheek and caressed it gently. You slid your hand under his shirt and ran your fingers over his stomach, as he let out a shaky breath as your fingers traced his abs, his head falling back briefly. "Fuck, you're going to be the death of me," he muttered, quickly pulling his shirt off and tossing it aside.

“Yeah?” You asked him with a teasing voice still tracing your fingers slowly along his abs. "Yes, really," San growled at that, catching your wrists and pinning them above your head against the door, having enough of your teasing. He leaned in close, his lips barely brushing your ear. "One minute I'm pissed as hell at you, and the next..." He trailed off, pressing gentle kisses along your neck. “Then next I want to fuck you until the only word you remember is my name.” A slight moan escaped from your lips as he started to leave wet kisses along your neck.

His mouth curved into a satisfied smirk as he felt your body tremble against his. "Like that, do you?" he whispered, purposely leaving another wet mark just below your ear. His hands released your wrists, one sliding down to grip your waist while the other began pushing your shirt up, sending shivers down your spine. His cold hands touching your warm skin made you part your lips slightly and he noticed.

“So fucking sensitive," he murmured, his cold hand leaving goosebumps in its wake as he pushed your shirt higher. San broke the kisses on your neck just long enough to pull the shirt over your head and toss it aside, leaving you in just a lacy bra. His eyes darkened as he took in the sight of you, half-naked and breathing heavily against the door. He leaned in, his lips capturing yours in a rough, passionate kiss as his hands reached behind you to unhook your bra.

“Mhm~” Being too desperate you moaned into the kiss as the bra hit the floor silently, freeing your breasts. He growled softly as your breasts pressed against his bare chest, one of his hands coming up to grope one possessively. Your moan echoed in his mouth, making him harder.

“Fuck- San, I need-“ he cut you off immediately.

“Shut up." San said against your lips before kissing you deeply again, swallowing any further words. His hand squeezed your breast roughly as his hips pressed against yours, letting you feel how hard he was already. Breaking the kiss, he nipped at your bottom lip. "Pants off. Now." You swallowed at his sharp words and you slowly pulled your sweatpants down, keeping an eye contact with him as he watched you carefully, enjoying how you obeyed him.

His gaze remained fiercely locked with yours as you peeled off your sweatpants, a wicked grin spreading across his face when you stood before him in nothing but in your panties. “Those off too. Come on.” Without breaking eye contact, he ordered watching how your body trembled every time. Slowly you pulled your panties down as he watched you with a smirk on his face. God he liked how you obeyed him every time.

“On your knees.” When those words left his mouth you swallowed. At first you remained in your place not being so sure but his voice was heard again. “Come on, love. Get on your knees for me.” His voice was low, demanding and you slowly slid to your knees, looking up at him. With a soft touch he cupped your cheek and grinned at the sight of you being in front of him on your knees.

His thumb gently stroked your cheek as he leaned down and whispered, "Isn’t if funny how minute ago you screamed at me that you let me fuck you just because I was desperate to fuck someone who gives a fuck." He kept eye contact while he slowly pulled his sweatpants down, a smirk playing on his lips as you watched him. “Now, look at you, y/n. You are here again. Obeying like a slut.” You swallowed hard at his words and your body trembled even more as you watched how he pulled his sweatpants and boxers down in one swift movement and your breath hitched as you saw him fully naked now. He was huge just like you remembered. Long and thick. He smirked watching your reaction. "Now, put that smart mouth of yours in a good use, will you?”

With a shy look on your face you brought your lips to his length and a shudder ran through him as your lips barely brushed against the tip. San groaned quietly, his fingers twitching against your cheek. "What did I say, love?" His voice was low, furious as he grabbed you by your hair roughly and he pressed himself against your lips, silently urging you to take him in.

As soon as you opened your mouth, he pushed himself in, filling your small mouth instantly. He groaned as he hit the back of your throat, pulling your hair harder to keep you in place. "Look at me." he growled, his hips bucking slightly to push himself deeper. With a small tears in your eyes you looked up at him through your eyelashes as he enjoyed the sight of you. He enjoyed how you fell apart on his cock.

San's eyes darkened with lust as he held your gaze, drinking in the sight of you trembling slightly, tears glistening at the corners of your eyes. He smirked, pleased by how perfectly you were submitting to him. "You look fucking gorgeous with your lips wrapped around my cock," His thick length pulsed in your mouth as he admired the view—your pretty lips stretched around him, taking him so deep. "Such a good girl," His grip tightened in your hair, holding you firmly in place as he slowly thrusted, savoring the slick heat of your mouth.

You moaned against his cock immediately sending shivers down his spine at that, then slowly you made your way with your hand to your wet core, the pleasure being too much but his words cut you off right away. "No...don't you fucking dare." He warned in that deep, authoritative tone you loved. With one quick motion, he grabbed your wrist, preventing your hand from reaching its destination. "Only my hands get to touch you there tonight, got it?" His hips thrust forward again, making you gag slightly. You let out a little cry at his warning words and San smirked as he watched you suppress your whimper, pleased by your obedience. Keeping a firm grip on your hair, he began to thrust more deliberately, each stroke pushing deeper into your throat. The wet sounds of your mouth working his cock filled the room, punctuated by his low groans of pleasure.

“So pretty.” He tilted his head back, savoring the sensation as he hit the back of your throat perfectly, but then he looked back down at you, seeing the slight flush on your cheeks and the tears streaming down your face. He was close, so very close to bursting apart in your mouth. "So good, just for me, yeah?”

You moaned again and he let out a shuddering groan as your moan vibrated around his sensitive cock, the sensation almost too intense. The sight of you squeezing your thighs together desperately, unable to touch yourself yet trembling with need, pushed him over the edge. "Fuck, I'm gonna-" He threw his head back and with one final thrust, he buried himself deep in your throat and came undone, his hot seed spilling into your mouth as he let out a low, guttural groan. His hips jerked erratically as he rode out his release, eyes locked onto yours, intense and unblinking. You watched, mesmerized, as he came undone completely, his body shaking with the force of his orgasm. "Swallow it, come on.” Without second thought you swallowed all his release, squeezing your eyes.

He let out another groan as he watched you swallow every drop like it was the best thing you've ever tasted. Your throat worked sexily as you swallowed, making his spent member twitch again. "Goddamn," He muttered softly, petting your hair gently now instead of gripping it harshly.

“Please.” A whispered please escaped from your mouth as you squeezed your thighs more. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of you squeezing your thighs, desperate and needy. He knew exactly what you were begging for, he leaned down, cupping your chin in his hand. "What do you want, love?" He asked in a smooth, knowing tone.

“I need you. Please.” A small chuckle escaped from his mouth at your desperate cry, his fingers trailing down your chin to your throat. "You need what?" He asked, his voice dropping lower, "You need my hands on your thighs? You need my face between your legs? You need my fingers inside you? My cock?" You let out a shaky breath at his words, swallowing loudly.

“Please, make me feel good, San.” He smirked mischievously at you, grabbing you by your wrist tightly and pulling you up from the ground. You were immediately met with his intense gaze and his hot breath on your lips. “Please-“ When you started to beg again he silenced you with a harsh, bruising kiss, his other hand reaching to your hip, guiding you slowly to the bed. He broke the kiss, panting, "You want to feel good?" Your knees immediately hitting the bed and he showed you down on the mattress, watching you swallow and your breath becoming more heavier which made his cock twitch.

With your elbows you supported your body as you leaned back more and you observed him as he stood there watching you for a moment, admiring how perfectly you surrendered your body to him. Your chest rising and falling with anticipation, lips parted slightly. "Spread your legs," he commanded, his voice hoarse with desire. When you hesitated for just a moment, he added firmly, "Now." Without another second you spread your legs for him and he positioned himself between your thighs, his hands firmly gripping your knees to keep them spread wide. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath, seeing how wet you were, your pink folds glistening with need. He slowly ran his fingers along your slit, not penetrating but just teasing.

“Fuck-“ When you felt his finger ran along your slit you threw your head back and shut your eyes, begging with your little moans to be touched more.

“Eyes on me, love.” With a raised tone he grabbed you by your jaw and made you look straight into his eyes, his fingers splaying out to keep your knees spread wide. When he slowly pressed his tip against your wet pussy he watched your eyes roll back slightly but snapped them back to his with a sharp tug on your jaw. "You just won’t listen, will you?" he asked, his thumb rubbing your chin roughly. "You want to be fucked?” You were unable to concentrate when he pressed his tip on your wet pussy, teasing you. The only thing you managed to do was shake your head which wasn’t enough for him.

He saw the contradiction in your body language and smirked. "You don't want to be fucked?" he asked, pressing just the tip of his cock inside you, but not enough to satisfy your need. He was teasing you, loving the power he had over you.

“No! I want to be- I want to be fucked, please!” A dark laugh escaped his lips as he heard you beg for it. He leaned down, his breath hot on your ear. "That's what I thought," he whispered, driving his cock fully into you in one swift motion. You gasped, your back arching as he filled you completely, capturing your mouth into a deep kiss. Right away you moved your hands to his back and he groaned into the kiss, loving the way your nails dug into his back.

He started to move his hips, slowly at first, letting you feel every inch of him as he pulled out and thrust back in. He broke the kiss to nip at your neck, sucking and biting to mark you. Then he pulled away his dark eyes locked onto yours, demanding your attention and devotion. "Tell me who's fucking you this good." He lifted your chin with his hand as he continued to thrust into you deeply and slowly, his piercing hitting your g-spot with each thrust.

“Y-you.”

"What I didn’t quite hear you." He teased, his voice low and commanding as he continued his slow, deep thrusts, hitting your g-spot with each movement. His other hand reached up to wrap around your throat, squeezing gently as he looked into your eyes. "Say my name, love."

“San.” You moaned more louder and he smirked at that, enjoying how you are taking his cock so well. "Like that," He growled, thrusting harder. "You take my dick so well," He murmured, watching your body bounce slightly with each snap of his hips. "Spread your legs wider." He ordered softly, watching you eagerly obey.

"You know what I love?" You gasped as he thrusted deeper into you, gripping your hip more tight every time. He enjoyed the sight of you how you opened your mouth into a little ‘O’ when he thrusted more deeper, making you take his full length.

"Watching your pretty face while I destroy this tight pussy," He whispered darkly, increasing his pace. His hand around your throat tightened slightly, showing his possessiveness. His thumb traced your bottom lip as he continued pounding into you. "Christ you feel so good..." He leaned down to nip at your ear as he felt your nails dig deeper into his back as he hit that sweet spot inside you, making you cry out his name loudly. He smirked against your neck, loving the sound of your voice saying his name. His hips moved in a circular motion, hitting your g-spot from different angles as he spoke. “So glad you left- you left that boyfriend of yours.” The fact he was struggling with his words made you moan even more. “Now you are all mine. Right?” The grip on your throat tightening as he looked at you with a hungry gaze. “Say it that you are mine.”

“I’m yours.” As his dick was too much for you, you hid your face in the crotch of his neck, but he immediately pulled you back. "That's right, you're fucking mine," he growled possessively, capturing your mouth in a bruising kiss, bitting your bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, marking you. He continued to pound into you, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room.

“Y-yours.” Even though you were unable to breathe you repeated again but San hadn’t enough of it, yet.

"Again," His voice hoarse as he continued his brutal pace, his hands roaming your body possessively, squeezing your breast and spreading your thighs wider. "Say it like you mean it," He ordered, his eyes locked onto yours as he continued his punishing rhythm.

“I-…” You were moaning mess you couldn’t get a simple word out of you as he kept thrusting more rougher. He laughed at your state but still he said;

"Use that mouth yours like when you talk shit." He growled as his hips were snapping forward with each word. "Tell. Me. You're. Mine." He punctuated each word with a deep thrust, hitting your g-spot perfectly, his eyes burning with intensity as he watched you struggle to speak.

“I’m yours. Fuck-… only…” To catch a breath you paused for a second, “Only yours”

"Goddamn," Softly he muttered, slowing down his pace. He loved hearing those words from your mouth. Slightly, he pulled out then snapped his hips back in hard, making you cry out. He smirked wickedly. "You know what I wanna do?" Finally he moved your hand from your throat to your hip again and again he pulled out of you and then snapped his hips back in hard. With hunger in his eyes he watched you let out a little cry as he kept doing that for a while. But then he kept his pace slow and deep, dragging his piercing along your walls. "I wanna fill this pretty pussy up with my cum, mark you inside and out. Make sure everyone knows you're taken," He leaned down, biting your earlobe. "What do you say to that, love?" Your eyes widened at his words and a chill run down your spine.

“W-what?” Out of breath you asked him he chuckled darkly at your shocked expression, his slow thrusts maintaining their deep pressure. "You heard me," he murmured, his breath hot against your ear. "Want my cum inside you?" His hand slid down to rub your clit in tight circles, making your hips jerk involuntarily.

When his hand met your clit, teasing you, you let out a loud moan and shook your head in agreement watching him smirk at you mischievously loving the effect he had on you. At that he speeded up the pace again thrusting more deeper and rougher than before trying to chase your and his own high. His cock pounded into you with renewed vigor, his breath growing ragged and his eyes never leaving yours. "Fuck, you feel too good," he groaned, his fingers digging into your thighs as he spread them wider to accommodate his deep, brutal thrusts. "I’m gonna fill you up."

“Please.” With a loud moan you begged and you grabbed him by his cheeks, pulling him closer and kissing him roughly. He kissed you back fiercely, swallowing your desperate plea as he continued his relentless pace. His tongue invaded your mouth, claiming every inch as his cock claimed your pussy. "Fuck, you are so desperate for me." he teased breathlessly against your lips, giving a particularly hard thrust that made you see stars. He could feel that you were close when your walls started to clinching more on his dick.

"Are you gonna cum for me, love?" He whispered darkly, picking up the pace even more, his thrusts becoming almost violent, his pelvis grinding against your clit with every stroke. "Look at me when you come." He could feel his own release building, his muscles tensing. Moans echoed in the room as you sank your nails into his back once again as you came.

"Fuck, yes," he hissed at the sudden pain mixing with pleasure. His nails dug into your hips hard enough to leave marks as he surged forward, his entire body stiffening. He let out a guttural roar, his hot cum filling you up, overflowing and dripping down your legs. After that he didn’t pull out, he stayed inside you for a while pressing his forehead against yours, smiling softly at you. It was different than before. This didn’t feel like sex, like it did back then in his office. It felt more like love?…

[st4r-th0ughts]

Fav way to start a smut fic is by making a man so needy, getting so worked up while they beg for you to have a reaction to their pleas. ♡

masterlist

ft. Mark Grayson, Cecil Stedman, Rex Splode x male aligned reader

ׂ╰┈➤

Mark Grayson… He’s… well, Invincible! He saves the world, he flies around the globe to punch down threats and monsters, he’s got a mom and a younger brother along with best friends, all while having the hottest boyfriend in the goddamn universe. He’s only 19, sure, but personally? He prides himself on being coolheaded for the most part.

Well, it’s an exception when it comes to you.

He’s straddling your lap, his cock is out and he’s grinding it against your stomach, but your stone faced despite the fact that he can see the bulge in your own pants, the way your hips subtly angle itself so he could grind just ever so slightly against your clothed tip. You’re scrolling through your phone, barely acknowledging the fact that he needs you so bad it’s driving him insane.

“Please… please, I’ve been good, haven’t I? Are you upset, Reader? Please!”

A smirk barely finds its way to your lips, you force yourself to tug it down as your back flops against the bed, your self control threathening to break as Mark follows suit, grabbing your phone and grinding his hips against yours, the most pleading look in his eyes. Like a damn puppy.

You sigh as your attention finally shifts to Mark, your hands gripping the superhero’s waist as you start to fully pull off his pants. Your hands… they’re bigger than Mark’s, coarser, rougher, and though he knows he can easily overpower you, watching the hungry look in your eyes makes him content enough to be absolutely wrecked tonight.

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ ♡

If you told a young Cecil Stedman he would be head over heels for a man twice a decade younger than him, and in addition, was also the head doctor of the medical department for the superheroes, he’d laugh and call you crazy. Well, he’d be calling himself crazy, considering he’s being punished by you.

There’s a certain charm of having a much older man kneeled in front of you, his cock hard against the confines of his smooth leather pants, while you, are busy with stupid medical papers, and his hands are tied behind his back. There is also the charm of being under your desk, and his face is pressed against your inner thigh, just inches away from being able to get what he wants.

He doesn’t want to beg. Thats how it was at the start of whatever this charade was at least. He’s Cecil fucking Stedman, he doesn’t beg, he’s the one who shoots out the orders. Well, not now he ain’t. Right now, he has a very hard problem between his legs, and he also has that ache to have your cock in his mouth.

“Goddamnit, fucking tease…”

He grumbles and curses under his breath, the dull ache in his knees and the silk around his wrists behind his back making him irritated and horny as you release a chuckle at the older man’s struggle, a well maintained hand finding the director of the GDA’s chin to tilt it up, and he swallows at the hungry look in your eyes.

“You’ve done so well, puppy. Maybe you deserve a reward, hm?”

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ ♡

Rex Splode is implusive. He’s impulsive in battles, in his social life, and it certainly extends to his romantic life. He’s a brat through and through, and luckily, you love breaking them down. Which is how he is now in bed, all naked and tied, but you’re just- not paying him any attention! It’s driving him nuts!

He’s upset, you’re the one who got him all hot and bothered when you both retired to your apartment, you’re the one who stripped him down and got out the silk that mind you- you barely use, and you’re the one who tied him up! What do you mean you’re just going to sit there at your desk and read??

“Readerr! C’mon, I know you can hear mee!”

Rex, unfortunately, is a man who doesn’t care much for consequences, or how the long game will play out. And his whines, which have been going on for almost an hour, finally send you over the edge as your book slams shut, and Rex goes silent, both excited and also just a smidge terrified at the look in your eyes.

“Damn right I can, Rex. Maybe I should start trying to shut you up.”

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ ♡

fin.

© st4r-th0ughts 2025, I don’t allow reposts, reuploads, translations, or copies.

[leirastar]

New World | Chapter 12

Pairing: Ot8 Ateez x reader AU: fantasy AU | stranger -> mates Summary: In Hala, a house of eight kingdoms, each boasting its own wonders, you never imagined that amidst the pain, you would also fall—this time, in love. Word Count: 2.6 k | 11 minutes Warning: none

It had been a few days since you arrived at the castle, and in that time, you had rejected every dinner invitation Seonghwa had sent. You didn’t know why, but each time the invitation arrived, a strange, inexplicable fear would settle in your chest. The thought of sitting in that grand room with all of them—the rulers, the powerful, the untouchable—was enough to make your stomach twist.

A flicker of guilt passed through you. Seonghwa had been nothing but kind, offering polite invitations with a softness that almost made you feel welcome. But you couldn’t bring yourself to walk into that room and face them all. What if you said something wrong? What if your nerves betrayed you and you said so mething foolish in front of the 8th?

You told yourself it was simply the unfamiliarity, the pressure of being watched under their piercing gazes. But there was something more, something unspoken that made your skin crawl. Maybe it was Yunho, his cold presence always lingering in the background like a storm waiting to break. Or perhaps it was the subtle, dangerous expectation in the air—the weight of being a guest in a place where every word could have consequences.

Avoiding Yunho had become second nature, though it required more effort than you cared to admit. You weren’t sure if he had noticed your deliberate distance—or if he even cared—but the tension between you lingered, thick and unspoken.

And this damn castle didn’t help. Even after days of roaming its endless corridors, it still felt like a maze, one designed to keep outsiders like you feeling lost. It was a constant reminder of how small and insignificant you were in this world—how easy it would be to disappear among the shadows, unnoticed, forgotten.

God, I hate this maze.

It made you feel stuck, as though you were a mere spectator in a game you didn’t understand.

That was the only reason you had ended up here—standing uncertainly in the middle of a long hallway, straining to hear the faintest sound of movement.

In your defense, you had only been trying to find the library. But you hadn’t been able to bring yourself to ask for directions. The fewer conversations, the better. So, you had wandered instead, following the most well-lit paths, hoping you’d stumble across something familiar.

Your footsteps were light against the marble floor as you hesitated, unsure which way to turn. The hallway stretched endlessly in both directions, its towering walls lined with ornate sconces that flickered against the dark stone. You were just about to take another step forward when something—someone—caught your eye.

A tall figure in the distance, moving with purpose.

Your breath hitched. Even from afar, you recognized the cold grace of his stride, the unyielding presence that made the air feel thinner. Yunho.

Panic surged through you. Had he seen you?

You didn’t wait to find out. Spinning on your heel, you darted toward the nearest door, heart hammering as you pushed it open and slipped inside.

For a moment, all you could hear was the rush of your own breathing. You pressed your back against the door, exhaling softly as you listened for approaching footsteps.

Silence.

Only then did you dare to look around.

The room you’d stumbled into was quiet, heavy with the scent of aged parchment and something faintly woody—cedar, maybe, or sandalwood. It wrapped around you like a cloak, calming your nerves just enough to pull you back to yourself.

Dim light filtered through a tall, arched window, casting long shadows over the space. This was no ordinary study—it was vast, stretching farther than you expected, its walls lined floor to ceiling with dark mahogany shelves, each one overflowing with books. Thick tomes and weathered manuscripts leaned against one another, their spines faded from time and handling. Some titles were written in old, unfamiliar scripts, while others were embossed in gold leaf, glinting faintly in the low light.

A large desk sat near the window, carved with intricate patterns and cluttered with maps, opened books, and a few quills resting in a glass inkwell. Scrolls were tucked into corners, half-unrolled as if someone had been searching for something in a rush. A worn leather chair was tucked neatly behind it, its cushion slightly indented from use. This space was lived in—used often, but meticulously kept.

The atmosphere was rich with quiet intellect and mystery, like the air itself was thick with secrets.

On the left wall stood a ladder affixed to a rail, allowing access to the higher shelves. Notes were pinned here and there between the books—some handwritten, others sealed with wax, as though this was both a place of reading and of strategy. An entire corner was devoted to records, their spines numbered and dated.

A single globe sat in the far corner, beside a tall armchair with a velvet throw folded over the back. It looked like the kind of chair you could disappear into for hours, lost in a book, if not for the tension still clinging to your chest.

You didn’t know whose study this was, but something about it felt like a sanctuary—a quiet place carved out of the cold, echoing vastness of the castle.

For now, it would do.

Tucked into the far right corner of the study was a small cubby—a cozy alcove almost hidden by the larger shelves. It was lower to the ground, framed by curved woodwork and slightly dimmer than the rest of the room, as if meant for quiet, private reading. Rows of books lined the little nook, most of them older, dustier, forgotten. But one caught your eye.

Bound in deep blue leather, its surface was smooth and cool beneath your fingertips. The title was etched in delicate silver lettering that shimmered faintly under the dim sconce above—words you didn’t fully recognize, but felt weighty somehow. You pulled it from the shelf and held it for a moment, the cover humming with a strange kind of gravity.

When you opened to the first page, your breath hitched. In elegant, sharp script, it read:

"For the Future King."

The rest of the writing was in an old tongue—archaic, looping, and unfamiliar. You couldn’t quite read it, not fully, but the pages held a strange allure. Margins were filled with handwritten notes—some underlined passages, others commented with short phrases and translations. The ink varied in color and style, as if several people had once studied this book, passing it between them like a sacred artifact.

You flipped through the pages slowly, entranced by the patterns of the letters, the careful notes scribbled in between. Despite not understanding it, there was something soothing about the way the words moved, like a secret waiting to be understood.

But before you could turn another page, a sudden motion startled you.

The book was snatched from your hands.

You gasped and looked up—heart lurching—only to realize that you weren’t alone.

You froze, pulse hammering in your throat as your gaze met his.

A book rested in one gloved hand, the very one he had just taken from your grasp. His other arm hung loosely at his side, but there was nothing casual about his stance. He stood tall in deep emerald robes, the fabric simple yet refined—like him. Subtle silver embroidery traced along the hems, catching the dim light in quiet glints. At his collar, serpent-shaped pins fastened the folds in place—small, unassuming, yet unmistakably regal.

Yeosang.

The flickering candlelight cast sharp shadows across his face, accentuating the sharp angles of his jawline, the cold, unreadable expression in his dark eyes.

You had grown up on stories about him—tales of his ruthless nature, his discipline, and the icy demeanor he had inherited from his father. He was said to be a man who did not forgive, who ruled with an iron will and expected nothing less than perfection. Yet, as you stood there in the dim glow of the library, watching the candlelight dance across his features, all those whispered warnings felt distant. In this moment, all you could focus on was how undeniably beautiful he was.

For a long moment, neither of you spoke. Yeosang’s gaze lingered on the book in his hand for a beat longer, the candlelight catching on the silver lettering like it was something sacred—and maybe it was, to him. He held it as though your fingers on its cover had been an offense, a trespass. But still, something compelled you to speak.

“Your Majesty.” Your voice was quieter than you had intended, almost uncertain.

“I didn’t mean to intrude,” you added, swallowing hard.

“You did,” he said plainly.

That stopped you. Heat bloomed in your cheeks, and you instinctively lowered your gaze.

“I was just curious. The book... it caught my eye.”

He glanced down at the book, fingers tightening ever so slightly around its spine.

“That,” he said flatly, “isn’t part of the public collection.”

Your stomach twisted. “I—I didn’t know. I swear.”

“You should’ve.” His response was sharp, immediate—like a strike meant to cut, not linger. No softness in his tone, just that chilling calm that made you feel small again.

You lowered your gaze. “I wasn’t trying to steal it, I—”

“I know,” he cut in, voice low and final. “Still.”

The words should have stung, but oddly, they didn’t. There was no malice in his voice—only observation, like a teacher quietly stating a fact. But still, your cheeks burned.

He stepped away from you then, slow and deliberate, moving back toward the desk near the window. You thought that was it—that he’d leave you standing there, dismissed and chastised. You wouldn’t have blamed him.

But instead, he stopped beside a nearby shelf.

His gloved fingers skimmed across the rows of old spines until they paused at a book tucked between thicker volumes. It was smaller, the leather soft and worn at the edges, bound in a faded green-blue that shimmered slightly when he pulled it free.

Without a word, he turned and extended it toward you.

You blinked, surprised. “…What’s this?”

He didn’t answer right away, merely waited until you hesitantly reached out and took it. The leather was warm from his touch.

“It’s written in the same tongue,”

“That one,” he said at last, “you’re allowed to read.”

The cover was cool to the touch, and the letters, though still in that same looping, old language, were softer somehow—less heavy.

For a moment, you just stared at him, waiting for an explanation that never came. He didn’t justify why he had brought you here, didn’t elaborate on why he thought you would be interested in these books. It was as if he expected you to simply understand.

Something about the gesture, the quiet offering of something so rarely shared, left a strange warmth in your chest. Yeosang was not kind—at least, not in the way most people would recognize. He did not speak softly, did not offer reassurances, did not try to make you feel comfortable. And yet, this— was something.

“It’s… beautiful,” you murmured, running your fingers along the delicate, looping letters stamped into the front.

“It’s a collection of parables,” Yeosang said, as if discussing the weather. “Meant for noble children to begin their education.”

You flushed, unsure if that was a quiet insult.

But when you glanced up, his gaze wasn’t mocking. It was neutral. Observant. And somehow, that was worse. You didn’t know what to do with neutrality. At least anger, mockery, or scorn had clarity. This—this unreadable stillness—left you breathless.

He turned from you again and walked to the desk by the window. Pulling out the chair with one fluid motion, he sat, retrieving a set of scrolls from the pile. He didn’t look at you as he spoke next, but his words stopped you cold.

“Sit.”

Your breath caught.

“I… what?”

He gestured vaguely toward the armchair in the far corner, near the globe and the velvet throw. “You clearly won’t leave, so you may as well sit. I have work to finish.”

There was no invitation in his tone. No warmth. And yet, it didn’t sound like a command either.

And yet, your heart—fluttered.

Still stunned, you moved slowly to the chair, your fingers brushing the book’s spine as you sat. It enveloped you instantly, the velvet soft and warm beneath your palms. You tucked your legs beneath you instinctively, like muscle memory from childhood reading corners, and balanced the book on your lap.

Yeosang, meanwhile, returned to his desk. The only sounds were the faint rustle of paper, the scratch of his quill, and your own breath as you opened the book and began to read.

You read, occasionally speaking—soft comments, fleeting thoughts—but Yeosang only responded in small, almost imperceptible ways. A glance. A nod. A shift of his posture. Once or twice, you asked about a few words you couldn’t quite decipher. His answers were short, clipped, but never impatient. Each one delivered without hesitation, as though he'd known you'd ask. And yet, somehow, it felt like a conversation. Time blurred, the soft rustle of pages and distant flicker of candlelight lulling you into a quiet comfort you hadn’t expected. The world outside darkened, shadows creeping along the stone as night fell.

The candle had burned halfway down when Yeosang stood. His movements were precise, his posture tall and unwavering as he walked to the far side of the room, barely a glance in your direction. You could hear the soft scrape of his boots on the stone floor, but it was the sudden absence of his presence that made the quiet seem even more profound.

But as he reached the door, he stopped.

Without hesitation, he turned, his sharp gaze locking onto yours. His expression was unreadable, as always, but beneath the icy exterior, there was something else—a telltale flicker of expectancy, so subtle you might have missed it had you not been watching him so closely.

And then, his next words sent a strange tug through your chest.

“Dinner is in the hall if you wish to join,” he said, his voice steady, even. There was no warmth, no invitation—only a statement, as if the decision had already been made for you. But then—just barely—you caught the slightest pause, a hesitation so faint it almost didn’t exist.

But then—barely—came a pause. So slight it almost slipped past you.

"I’ll be waiting for you."

For the first time, his voice wasn’t entirely detached. It was quiet, careful. But there was weight behind it—something held back, something uncertain.

Your heart ached at the realization. You had been so consumed by your own turmoil, by the wounds that had yet to heal, that you hadn’t considered how this bond tethered you all together. No matter how much you wanted to resist it, to reject the ties fate had woven between you, they were still there.

They were still yours.

And at the end of it all, you had to at least try.

Even if you hadn’t forgiven.

Even if you hadn’t accepted.

So you smiled—small, hesitant, but real.

And just like that, he was gone.

The air felt colder without him, heavier somehow. You stood there for a moment longer, the silence wrapping around you like a second skin.

Then, slowly, you turned. The books in your arms held close, a fragile shield against the uncertainty ahead.

His words lingered, echoing in the quiet:

"I’ll be waiting for you."

And though you knew exactly where he meant, part of you clung to a different hope—

That no matter how long it took, he would wait. they would wait.

Not just for dinner.

But for you.

Masterlist

eleven | thirteen

A/n: my..has it been a while stars. i am pleased to say that i have begin writing again. but due to the new schedule i have it might take longer to update. i have been feeling burnt out my love, apologies. i do not want you to keep waiting, but i kept on thinking if i should just erase all my chapters but then again, i would like to see where the story goes just as much as you do. do not fret, i will be back and always here. enjoy my stars.

Taglist (CLOSED):

@pinkpearlstar @deltamoon666 @kyra1205 @hecateslittlewitchling @dumplingsyum @caratiny-latte @seongwars @halloweenbyphoebebridgers @angelqueendom

@ffenjoyerdazme @lostxxgirl @xh01bri @neemaxx @furfoxsake22 @Thejentheredhead @soulphoenix1618 @pixie0627 @hannahdinse8

@laurtiny112 @innocygnet @the-first-mate @miniverse-zen @katyeongs @nuggiesnuggetdog04 @sweetmoonlight9 @staytinyluv @bluesiebirdie @kaqua @ateezaddict24 @bamdoe @kandy108 @pixie0627 @bunnii-dolls @kheartost @xlilehx @lalelol @Tiny2018 @salnovna @roryy95 @fairylover68 @meowmeeps @awkward-fucking-thing @blackandgreenandblue @moniesmoon @skteezcursed

[godmadeaterribleerror]

Chapter 10 - Look And See

Series Masterlist - Main Masterlist

Author's Note: Going back to my roots (forced proximity)

Chapter title from Thank You by Led Zeppelin

Word Count: 17k

Chapter Summary/Warnings: You, Sam, and Dean finish a case from Ruby, and it has consequences. Usual warnings.

Tags: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, slow burn, angst, fluff, pining, action

Chapter 9 - Chapter 11

Read on A03!

“Can you drive any fucking slower?”

Dean shot Her a glare in the rearview mirror, trying not to get lost in how Her eyes were shining in the low light of dusk, or how all Her features seemed to be washed in the cool, pastel colors of sunset. “No, Princess, because I’m trying not to give the cops an excuse to pull us over after you blew our fucking cover-“

“I did not blow our cover,” She hissed. “I said we needed to leave now, and you decided to stick around and try to find more caviar-“

“We weren’t done, and I was hungry-“

“You’re always hungry! And we were done, you just don’t listen to me-“

“Maybe I don’t listen to you because you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

Her eyes narrowed, and Dean could almost feel Her gaze burning and twisting on his skin. “We both know that I’m the only one who knows exactly what I'm talking about-“ She paused, and Dean could see Her giving Sam an apologetic grimace in the mirror. “Sorry, Sam-“

“It’s fine.” Sam shrugs, his attention forcefully fixed on the book in his lap. Dean had a feeling Sam had entirely been tuning them out. “I mean, you’re not really wrong.”

“Don’t tell her that, Sammy, she’ll explode from her ego-“

“My ego? That’s fucking rich from you, Winchester-“

His grip began to strangle Baby’s wheel. “At least my head is in the game, sweetheart-“

“My head is in the game-“

“Didn’t look like it was,” Dean hissed. “It looked like you were more worried about flirting with that old son of a bitch rather than getting the knife-“

“It’s not a knife,” She snapped. “And I wasn’t flirting, I was looking for information, dumbass-“

“Yeah, that seemed to really pay off for you-“

“It did-“

“Dean.” Sam cut in with a sigh, running a hand through his hair. “You guys can keep fighting, I just want to make sure you remember-“

Dean rolled his eyes. “I’m going to Norfolk, Virginia, and the black-eyed bitch will meet us there.”

“Ruby’s trying to help-“

“Well, shit load of good it’s doing, we didn’t even get the damn knife-“

“It’s not a knife.” She leaned forward, resting Her forearms on the bench, and Dean could feel the heat from Her body. It was a little dizzying, and She smelled like sugar and fruit, there was that damn fruit again-

Sammy was frowning, shaking his head. “Ruby said it was a blade-“

“And She was wrong. And I’m-“

“Right?” Dean muttered under his breath, glowering at the road. “You’re always right, aren’t you-“

“Yeah, I am.” Her words were clipped, and Dean hated how that made his heart split and howl in his chest. “And you better say thank you, because I didn’t break my nail just for-“

Dean snorted, and he hated the sound. It was louder than it should be, and toxic in his ears. He hated all of this. He didn’t know how to stop it. “How fucking tragic, her majesty broke a nail-“

“It hurt, dickwad. And,” She leaned back, only for a second, and Dean had to bite the inside of his mouth to stop himself from reaching over the bench and pulling Her back to where he could still feel her warmth. “You’re welcome.”

Sam was frowning, twisting in his seat to look at Her, and Dean wished he could do the same. Especially as Sammy gasped, and he felt as if his jaw was going to snap and his teeth were going to grind to ash. What was She doing that made Sam gasp, why did She always have to be so awesome and insufferable and annoying and brilliant, why couldn’t Dean just know when to quit, why wouldn’t she just leave him alone to die in goddamn peace-

“When did you-“

“While Dean was drinking half the bar,” She cut Sam off with almost a sneer, and it was burning over Dean’s head. “I got the museum curator to show me the collection.”

“And that’s-“

“Yep.”

Sam swallowed, and when Dean glanced over, the kid’s eyes were nearly bulging out of his head. “And you’re sure-“

“I’m always sure, Samuel.” Her tone was smug, and Dean could picture the proud, pretty smirk on Her face. “And it’s not a knife. It’s an arrowhead.”

Sam reached back, Dean heard a slapping sound, and when he glanced in the mirror She was clutching something to Her chest, glaring at the front seat.

“Don’t touch it.” She snapped, and Sam blinked at Her.

“It’s just a rock,” Sam said Her name carefully, shooting Dean a what the hell is happening look. 

Dean didn’t know. With Her, Dean never fucking knew.

“It’s not- You-“ She took a deep breath, Her voice suddenly far too soft and measured. “Just, I’m going to hold onto it, okay?”

“But-“

“Sam. Please.”

Sam frowned at Her, but nodded, and Dean scowled.

He had to bite down vile, spitting words about Her thinking she was better, about not even trusting them to hold the weapon. There was a line, and Dean refused to cross it. He couldn’t stop toeing right up to it—driven by the bitter, furious part of him that still hated how She’d lied about being sick, how She’d left him fucking dying in the hospital, how She was better and Dean couldn’t be allowed to have her—but he wouldn’t cross it. He couldn’t leave a real mark on Her. It would fully drive Her away, make her finally snap and leave him in the mud for good.

And She’d been working with them for several weeks, and Dean was still being a selfish piece of shit. 

He couldn’t fall out of Her orbit. He couldn’t bring himself to save Her from himself, from all the horror that came with being in his life, but he couldn’t hate Her enough to lie that he didn’t want Her here and mean it. He couldn’t just mean it.

Dean couldn’t sneer that She knew everything and believe it to be the truth in his bones. He couldn’t snap that She’d been flirting with that old asshole—and he knew it was the museum curator, and he knew it was for the case, and he didn’t care—and not put extra venom in his voice because She wasn’t smiling at Dean like that. She was barely smiling at Dean at all.

He didn’t blame Her. He was being a dick, but it was for Her own good. He was lying, but it was for Her.

He repeated, over and over in the dead of night, that it was for Her. For the best. And, it was but he still couldn’t quite convince himself. 

He had five months left. If he was smart, Dean would stop swallowing his crueler words and just vomit up every false reason he hated Her—She was too pretty, She did strange things to his heart and body he didn’t like not being able to control, he’d follow Her anywhere but knew she wouldn’t do the same for him—until She left, and he’d rescued Her from caring about him.

Because Dean was damned. 

But he never wanted to be damned for hurting Her. 

So he was being a fucking asshole and not crossing the line, because he wanted Her. He couldn’t stop wanting Her, he didn’t know how, it had become such a critical part of him now—to always crash down, down, down into Her and that soft, sliver light that She always cast over the pit inside of him, even when She hated him and he was supposed to hate Her—that Dean was pretty sure he’d only ever stop wanting Her when his soul was carved up and split into pieces.

Yet he still wouldn’t tell Her. He still couldn’t allow himself to look Her in her bright eyes and tell her I’m dying, Princess. I’m pretty much already dead.

Dean didn’t have a good enough memory to keep track of all the lies he was telling Her. And Sammy was barely creative enough to come up with a proper story that explained the Devil’s Gate and Azazel and Lilith while completely omitting the whole demon deal thing.

But they managed.

And She had no idea.

She believed they were hunting Lilith because that was their job. That they were researching crossroads demon because Lilith was known to work with them. That they were working with Ruby, getting this arrowhead for Her, because they needed anything at all to try and kill Lilith. 

Dean had called Bobby, and told him that, under no circumstances, could he tell Her about the deal. About Dean’s timer, and how it was slowly creeping closer and closer to zero. That they were hunting together again, and Dean wouldn’t ask Bobby why the hell he’d lied about Her being sick, as long as Bobby didn’t rat them out. 

“I won’t say anythin’ unprompted,” Bobby had grunted through the phone. “But if she asks, I ain’t gonna lie to her.”

Dean had scowled into the air, keeping a careful eye on the sidewalk through the window. She and Sammy had gone to get coffee. Dean had needed to wrap this up before they got back. “Bobby-“

“No. You know you’re my family, boy, but she’s always gonna be first.” Bobby had sighed. “Listen, I won’t tell her ‘less she catches it herself. But you know she’s far from dumb, Dean. She’ll pick up that something’s off, and there ain’t nothin’ that’s gonna save you from how pissed she’ll be that you kept it from her. At least try and give her the dignity of learnin’ it from you.”

Bobby had hung up, and Dean hadn’t told Her. He couldn’t. Bobby and Sam didn’t understand that he just fucking couldn’t. 

Couldn’t tell Her.

Couldn’t fully push Her away.

“How are you sure?” Sam was watching Her carefully, and Dean kept his eyes on the road. She was there. Right now, Her being there was all the relief he could allow himself. “I mean, I trust you, but we just need to be positive before we show this to Ruby-“

“It’s jade, and that’s what Ruby told you it would be, right?”

Sammy nodded. “Yeah, but-“

“And if you trust her-“

“I do.”

Dean frowned. Sam, for some reason, did seem to trust Ruby. Dean didn’t, because She was a demon. Being trustworthy was against her freakin’ nature.

“Well, she said it would have writing on it, right-“

“Yeah, but-“

“Look.” Dean saw Her shift in the rearview mirror, and felt Her brush his arm as she leaned back forward. 

Little sparks flew through his body, and he sat a little taller, and he could see Her side-profile in his periphery and She was glowing, and there was the fruit again-

She was trying to make him crash the car.

“That’s Hebrew.” She tapped the arrowhead she spoke. “That’s Arabic, and that’s-“

“Latin.” Sam finished, and Dean rolled his eyes. Fucking nerds. “What about that one-“

She jerked Her hand back as Sam went to touch the arrowhead, and elbowed Dean in the shoulder.

He grunted, gritting his teeth as the dull pain. “Son of a bitch-“

“Shit, sorry, De-“

“Whatever.” He muttered, refusing to look Her in the eyes. She’d almost called him De. And maybe She’d been about to say Dean, but that wasn’t any better. His whole body felt like it was buzzing and heavy, and took a tight grip on the wheel to stop himself from leaning closer to Her. “Answer Sammy’s question.”

“Yeah, it’s, um-“ She swallowed. Dean could goddamn feel Her gaze. “Sorry, it’s just like, witch symbols. Probably.”

Sam’s face twisted slightly, and Dean didn’t understand that look. It was more tense than Sam’s usual, doubtful bitch-face. It was almost pained. Weary.

“Probably?” He asked, and She shrugged.

“Yeah. You’re the one who said it’s a witch artifact-“

“Ruby said it’s a witch artifact, I just passed it on. And, I dunno, can you not tell-“

“Tell what?” Her voice became clipped again, and something in the air shifted. Became heavier, more taut. 

“That it’s a witch artifact-“

“I know all the same things you do. If Ruby says it’s a witch, it’s a witch.”

Sam frowned, Her arm brushed against Dean’s again, and the taut thing was now frayed. 

Dean didn’t know what was happening. 

“Okay.” Sam broke their odd stand-off first, letting out a slow exhale. “I just wanted to-“

“Be sure.” She muttered. “Yeah, I know.”

There was a long pause—Dean forcing himself to focus on the low sound of the radio rather than how close She was, how her breathing was heavy and measured, how he wanted to follow the pattern with his heartbeat until he was moving with Her all the time—and when She leaned back, Dean couldn’t stop himself from glancing at Her small frown in the rearview mirror. 

“What did Ruby say this was for?” 

Sam shrugged, turning in his seat as he spoke. “She told me it could help kill anything inhuman or unholy. Stuff that even her knife and the Colt can’t gank.”

“The nasty sons of bitches,” Dean muttered. “Worst of the worst.”

There was another pause, and when She spoke again her voice was small. “I- anything?”

“Powerful things,” Sam explained. “Ruby said it was designed for things outside of nature. Like Lilith.”

“Like Lilith.” She repeated, and She sounded strange. Nervous.

Dean glanced back in the mirror to see Her curled into the backseat, turning the arrowhead between Her fingers with a tight frown, Her body braced in the way it always was when She started to freak out, her free hand gripping slightly at Her throat, that little wrinkle in Her brow obvious and prominent-

He couldn’t reach back and run his thumb over, no matter how much he itched to. She probably wouldn’t even let him. 

But God, the sight of Her like this made him feel sick. He hadn’t seen any real, full episodes since Her return, but he’d seen the bags under Her eyes, the raised marks on Her skin, the dried blood around Her nails.

It wasn’t his place to say anything anymore.

But it still torn him to pieces. Still made him feel like he was doing something wrong, still made Dean feel wrong. If he was good, he’d never allow something as amazing as She was to be in pain. He’d stop being selfish and set Her free of his burden, because even his proximity stole and hoarded Her light. 

But he needed Her here. Even if She couldn’t be his.

And he needed Her to stop clawing at Her throat. 

So he did the only thing he could think of, and coughed for Her attention.

Her eyes flicked to his in the rearview mirror, and they set off fireworks over his ribs. Colorful and hot and bright and Her-

“Nice work.” He muttered. “With the case. You were-“ Dean choked on the word right. Of course She was right. She was the only right thing in the universe. “You did good.”

He wouldn’t apologize. Dad said to never apologize for making the smart, right call, even if it was the tough one. Especially if it was the tough one, because that meant he was being strong, and it wasn’t his responsibility to make sure people understood that.

And what he’d said seemed to be enough. She sat a little taller, Her chin tilting a little higher, and when She spoke again Her voice was back to its usual tone. Smooth and clear and designed to haunt Dean in his sleep.

“Of course I did good.” She snapped. “I know what I’m doing, Winchester. I always do.”

Something in Her suddenly seemed to be glowing, leaking out through Her eyes on Dean’s in the mirror. 

It made Dean glow. Like he was being called further down into Her. He didn’t know how the hell She always did that to him. He’d likely never get a chance to find out. 

So all Dean did was roll his eyes and look back to road, because now he had a new lie to drill into his brain.

The lie that—if that hadn’t succeeded in returning Her to the proud, sharp, blinding woman She usually was—Dean would’ve said sorry.

That if She ever did lash at him with words that left bigger and more purposeful scars than the ones he already carried—the ones that seemed to line his every thought and breath, where he was haunted by Her when she was gone and consumed by her when she was there, and he was almost certain She didn’t even know how deep she was branding him—Dean would fall to his knees and fucking grovel for Her to heal him. For that shifting, easy light to cast over him and Her warmth to fuse him back together, better than he’d been before. For Her.

Dean would do most anything for Her.

And that meant—even if Bobby and Sam disagreed—lying to Her about the deal. 

“Dean,” Sam was shifting through his backpack as they pulled into a gas station, his attention mostly focused on trying to find a credit card that hadn’t gotten frozen. “If they don’t have pie-“

“We’re in Carolina, they’re gonna have freakin’ pie-“

Sam sighed. “Yeah, but if they don’t-“

“They will.” Dean snapped. The world was already fucking tormenting him. They didn’t need to take away his pie as well. “Pie, Sammy. Nothing else.”

“Dean-“

“Pie-“

“We’ll find you pie, you giant baby.” She rolled Her eyes from the backseat, stretching as she scooted to the door. Dean could see a little bit of bare skin from the movement.

His pants got a little tight.

He was fucking pathetic.

Sam said Her name carefully, shooting Dean a weary look from the corner of his eyes. “We can’t control what the gas station has-“

“We’ll figure it out.” She shrugged. “C’mon, buddy. Let Deano brood in peace.”

Dean scowled, half because of Her drawling, bored use of Deano that still made him bend a little much for her, and half because he wasn’t brooding. And if he was, he should be allowed to. He was dying-

She didn’t know that. She was going to find him pie anyway. 

And he hated this.

It was the good moments that were the worst. Moments when they glanced at each other when Sam said something dramatic, and he wanted to whisper a joke, but he wasn’t allowed to anymore. Moments where they brushed past each other and didn’t flinch, where Dean would see Her early in the morning and She’d look downright adorable with that small, pouting frown. 

Moments like this one. Where She got back before Sam, passed Dean his pie without a word, and sprawled out in the backseat. And Dean could glance at Her as he filled up Baby’s tank, and She fit so naturally that he wasn’t sure how his very foundation hadn’t crumbled to nothing while She was gone.

She looked beautiful. She was wearing the jacket he’d left Her, and Dean could see the poke of the blade he’d given Her, and she was frowning at the broken nail she’d mentioned earlier, and it would be so easy to reach out and run his thumb down Her nose until she let out a soft, easy breath and everything was okay again.

“Have you met Ruby?”

Dean blinked at Her. “Yeah.”

She hummed, not looking away from Her nails. “What’s she like?”

“She’s a demonic bitch.” Dean muttered, glaring at the gas pump, and She snorted. 

“Eloquent, De.”

He felt like he was falling from a million feet. She’d really called him De again. Out of fucking nowhere, like nothing had happened, She was smiling at him and calling him De and there was something in Her that was guarded and Dean wanted to shred it down and crash right into Her-

“Why are you working with her?” She asked, tilting Her head at him. “Is it because of Sam?”

“He trusts Ruby.” Dean’s words were pushed through his teeth. “And I trust him.”

“Should I trust her?”

Dean let out a dry chuckle. “Gonna matter what my answer is?”

“Yeah.” She said the word like it was nothing, and Dean’s lungs stuttered and caved for a brief second, as if he’d just been shot. “I didn’t ask for shits and giggles, Winchester-“

“Then don’t.” He grunted. “Don’t trust Ruby.”

“Alright.” She shrugged. “I won’t.”

There was a pause, and Dean didn’t know why She wasn’t trying to fight with him. He didn’t understand Her, how she could be acting like nothing was wrong when it so clearly freakin’ was, when they hadn’t even dared to speak about how She’d left him and lied and obviously didn’t want anything real to do with Dean-

“Did you see Sam trying to flirt with that waitress-“

“I have to shit.” Dean blurted, refusing to meet Her eyes as he returned the gas pump to its station, because She might look sad or surprised or hurt, and he wouldn’t know how to deal with that in a way he could permit. “Watch the car.”

He walked away before She could say anything, and Jesus, he was an asshole.

She’s been trying to be nice to him. Dean didn’t know why, but She seemed to be determined to try and patch at least something between them, and it made everything so much goddamn worse. She’d sneer at him one second—when the air around them was heated and weighted in Dean’s lungs, when Dean was biting at Her and she didn’t resist his silent plea for Her to bite back—and then do something like that the next, and Dean couldn’t live with it.

He couldn’t live with himself. It might be a good thing he was damned, because otherwise he’d have no justification for how he’d just walked away, how Her trying to reach out to him just made him recoil, because nothing had ever been as good as Her, and no one had ever been less deserving of Her than Dean.

And that was why he hated the good moments the most. They reminded him that She really was better, and Dean wasn’t worthy of Her infinite… everything. They forced him to build his walls higher, to line them with further barbed wire, because if he didn’t, She’d slip through a crack without effort.

Dean couldn’t afford to let Her back in. She needed to hate him. This whole thing would be so much easier if She would just hate him. 

Maybe one day he’d walk away like that again and not glance over to check that She was still there. He had to drive Her away, but he still made sure She was still there.

And She was. She always was. Every day for the past few weeks, Dean had looked for Her and she’d been there. Legs folded in a chair as She chewed on a pencil, lying flat on Her back and humming to herself in a way that made Dean’s head a little fuzzy, standing tall as She scanned over a room and rubbed Her thumb over that scar on Her palm.

She was doing that now. Leaning over the front seats and rubbing Her palm, head slightly bowed so Her hair blocked a full view of Her face, occasionally reaching down to touch something that was on the bench. Probably Sammy’s book.

She was so pretty.

She could never be Dean’s.

Sam didn’t say anything when Dean shuffled to his side in the station, just raising his brows, glancing out the window, and letting out an unnecessarily long breath with a shake of his head.

“Wanted some coffee.” Dean muttered, grabbing a paper cup and ignoring Sam’s flat expression of disbelief. “Long drive ahead.”

“Sure, dude.” Sam was still looking out the window, an odd expression on his face. “Huh.”

���What-“

“See the Cadillac? The silver one?”

Dean followed Sam’s gaze to the parking lot. “Yeah, what about it-“

“It was behind us, on the highway. For a while.” Sam ran a hand through his hair, shooting Dean a tight look. “Did you seriously not notice?”

“Course I noticed.” Dean muttered, and he very much had not fucking noticed. He’d been distracted. She’d been right there whenever he used the mirror, and there had still been a little bit of lipstick stained on her mouth from the case, and he’d wanted to wipe the smudge on Her cheek off with his thumb, just to test if She’d gape at him or look at him like he mattered. Like he could matter to Her, if that was allowed. “Lotta cars in the world, Sammy, some of them are bound to be going from Carolina to Virginia-“

Dean cut himself off as the Cadillac stopped in the middle of the lot, its door opened, three large men climbed out.

They were walking towards the Impala.

He could see the sun catch light off of something in the largest one’s hand, and it was glinting and long and-

Dean was roaring Her name before he could think better of it. There was red lining his vision and a blaring, alarm-like sound in his ear, and She was in danger-

Sam was right on his tail as he burst out of the lot, sprinting back to the car—back to Her—as the men started crowding the windows, but She was faster. Right before Fuckhead Number One could bash Baby’s windows in, She pushed the door open into his gut, vaulting forward with Her knife in hand as the man let out a guttural noise of pain.

Dean slammed his body right into Fuckhead Number Two—the big, ugly one who’s knife he’d seen—right as Sam caught up to him, grabbing Fuckhead Number Three and pushing him down onto the concrete with a grunt.

They all had the same knives. Somewhere in the whirlwind of the fight—fists flying, Dean trying to reach for his gun but always fumbling as he had to dodge another punch, Sammy scrambling with Fuckhead Three on the ground as She danced around Fuckhead One—Dean realized that it wasn’t just the asshole he was fighting who had a that knife. 

It was the same one that had stabbed Her in Colorado. Same curved, sharp blade he’d seen a few times on Bobby’s desk, that had damn near killed Her-

They’d gotten separated. Somehow Sam had ended up wresting with Fuckhead Three in the grass, She and Fuckhead One were the middle of the lot with Her knife in hand, and Fuckhead Two had backed Dean up to the stations walls.

“If it ain’t the Winchesters.” Fuckhead sneered, and Dean barely managed to duck the blow aimed at his jaw. “Didn’t expect to see you here-“

“Shut up.” Dean snapped. “Unless you’re gonna say why you’re trailing us, I don’t wanna here a word out of your ugly mouth-“

Dean side-stepped another punch, and Fuckhead gave him a crude smile.

“Not trailing you.” He sneered. “Trailing what you’ve got.”

“If it’s Sammy, you can have him,” Dean slammed his knee into Fuckhead Two’s side, sending him stumbling back with a grunt. “But I’ll warn you, he snores like a bitch-“

“We have no interest in Azazel’s little experiment.” Fuckhead let out a dry chuckle, not balking as Dean finally grabbed his gun, aiming the barrel at his temple. “Our kind deal in far… bigger, older affairs.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “This the part where I’m supposed to ask you what your kind are instead of just shooting you-“

Fuckhead smirked. “I’d imagine you’d like to know, Dean. Not like you can kill me anyway.”

“You wanna bet on that-“

“I’m not the betting type. To risky. And we- Well, we aren’t the kind to take risks.”

Dean was about to scoff and pull the trigger, but Fuckhead held his gaze, and his eyes shifted.

Eclipsed with a venomous, neon green for a long second, the grin on his face widening until he was laughing.

“You have no idea what you’ve begun to meddle with, Mr. Winchester-“

Dean shot Fuckhead’s foot. He didn’t need a villain rant right now, worst that would result in was a limp for the vessel, and goddamnit why couldn’t anything ever be easy-

“Sammy!” He roared across the lot. “Demons!”

Sam nodded, locking his arms around Fuckhead Three’s neck and started to chant the exorcism, and Dean sprinted forward to where She was still fighting Fuckhead One with a shout of Her name-

She was faster. She was always faster. 

Dean watched as She brought Her knife right up to Fuckhead One’s throat, hissed something in his ear, and seconds later bright green smoke erupted out of his mouth.

The same happened with Fuckhead Two and Three, and Dean frowned. He’d never seen Sam do the exorcism that fast.

He muttered Her name, fisting his hands at his side to stop himself reaching for Her. “Are you-“

“I’m fine.” She snapped. “Let’s go before someone calls the cops.”

She didn’t look okay. Sam rejoined them at the car—dusting the grass and dirt off his pants and looking between them with a frown—and Dean had to restrain himself with brutal reminders that She didn’t need him, because She looked the furthest thing from okay and it was eating at his gut.

She wasn’t speaking. For the rest of the drive She was lying on her back, eyes squeezed shut, body half curled into itself and arms wrapped around Her stomach. For the first time since She’d returned, she really did look sick. Colorless and pallid, lips drawn in a thin line as if she was in pain, breathing loud enough for Dean to hear over the music. Sammy kept asking damn questions about the demons, about what Fuckhead Two had said to Dean and what green eyes could possibly mean, but Dean couldn’t really hear him. 

His tongue was caught in his throat to stop him from spitting out that they needed to stop, because he was worried about Her. His chest felt like it was contracting and aching and ripping, and his heart was loud in his ears, and why was this so goddamn horrible, why couldn’t he just not care that She was in pain-

“Dean.” Sam muttered, long after the sun had set, a little while after She’d fallen asleep. “We need to tell her. About the deal.”

Dean scowled, his gaze flicking back to Her in the mirror. She seemed to be really, truly asleep. 

Dean wouldn’t bet on it.

“Not now, Sam-“

“Bobby was right, she’d going to work it out eventually-“

“No, she won’t. She’ll leave first.”

Sam gave him an odd look, glancing back to Her with a shake of his head. “Why are you so fucking convinced she’s going to leave-“

“She always leaves.“ Dean snapped. “She left at the hospital-“

“Because she was sick-“

“Does she look sick to you-“

“Yeah, she does.” Sam seemed to suddenly, somehow, be taller. “And I know she does to you too, Dean. I mean, just look at her-“

“I did.” Dean muttered, glowering at the passing white lines on the highway. “And it’s not my business. I’m not talking about this, Sammy. So fucking drop it.”

Sam sighed. “You know can convince her you don’t care about her, shit, you can even convince yourself, but you can’t convince me. If it were anyone else, you’d have shot them in Utah, and we both know it.”

“Shut up-“

“I am. Just-“ Sam said Her name, and Dean felt like he was going to vomit. “You’re not good at being right about her. You get blinded, Dean, and I think she needs us just as much as-“

“She doesn’t need us.” Dean couldn’t stop himself from glancing at Her in the backseat. 

Hauntingly beautiful in the night, the shadows and moving lights of the road making Her look even more like something that had fallen from the sky, like a piece of a star or comet that had started to breathe and walk the earth. The breeze breaking through the cracked windows blowing through Her hair and giving her cheeks a slightly flush.

Her knife was gripped tight in Her hands, and she was folded around it like it was gravity.

Dean wanted Her to fold around him like that. He wanted to be the thing that grounded Her.

But he wasn’t.

“She doesn’t need anyone, Sam.” He muttered, ripping his gaze back onto the road. “We’ll be there in an hour.”

And when Sam dropped it with a sigh, Dean made himself focus on the music. Normally, he’d turn it up to drown out his own thoughts, louder than even Sam’s chastising voice.

Tonight he kept it low, because louder meant there would be a possibility of disturbing Her. And Dean was already pretty sure She didn’t get as much sleep as she needed. 

So he’d give Her this last hour of the drive—going a little slower to extended the time—and he’d let himself look at Her a little more when she couldn’t see.

Then he’d park the car in the motel lot, mutter to Sam that he needed to work out how to get Her up without getting himself stabbed, and steel himself as he exited the car.

He couldn’t care. It would be unfair to Her for Dean to care, when he’d be gone in five months. 

Maybe, if he repeated it enough in his head, it would feel true.

Dean stopped in front of the room from Ruby’s message to Sam, and he’d barely had a chance to raise his fist to knock before the door swung open, and Ruby was glaring at him from the other side.

“Where’s Sam.”

“Hi, Dean.” He muttered, shoving past Ruby with an eye roll. “Thanks for taking time to get the thing for me, I’m going to try and not be a fucking bitch for five seconds to show my gratitude-“

“I’m not going to be grateful when you probably didn’t to shit.” Ruby crossed her arms, turning to him with narrowed eyes. “Where’s Sam.”

“I’m here,” Sam’s head poked around the door frame, a tense frown on his face. “Dean, she’s not moving-“

Dean froze at the foot of the bed. “What do you mean, she’s not moving-“

“She woke up, but she said she just wants to stay in the car-“

“She can’t stay in the car, Sammy, she has the arrowhead and we- shit, we just got jumped by demons-“

Ruby stared between them, her eyes wide. “You just got- who the hell are you talking about-“

“Oh, yeah, you guys haven’t met yet.” Sam swallowed, running a hand through his hair. “I- uh- You remember how I mentioned that girl Dean used to hunt with-“

“You told Ruby about her?!” Dean hissed, and Sam shot him an apologetic look.

“Just like, once-“

“Wait,” Ruby looked between them, said Her name, and Dean was going to rip out Her tongue. The bitch shouldn’t be allowed to say Her name. Nothing evil should even be allowed to know about Her. “She’s here?”

“Yeah,” Dean narrowed his eyes. “You got a problem with that?”

“Of course I do, you two idiots weren’t supposed to tell anyone what you were doing-“

“You don’t get to tell us what we do and don’t do,” Dean hissed, his glare turning to a very worried looking Sam. “She’s not coming out of the car?”

Sam shook his head. “No, uh-“

“I’ll take care of it.” He grunted, not looking at Ruby as he moved back to the door, clapping Sam on the shoulder with short words. “You kids keep it in your pants while I get her majesty inside.”

Dean didn’t bother to wait for Ruby to make a snide remark, just marching to the Impala and opening the back door, glaring down and where She still lay.

“C’mon, Princess, we’ve landed-“

“Don’t care.” She mumbled, twisting onto Her side and burying Her face in the seat. “I’m fine here, Dean.”

Dean jaw clenched. “Fine, just- give me the arrowhead thingy-“

“No.”

Dean grunted Her name. “You can wallow in the car all you freakin’ want, but we need that arrowhead-“

“Why.”

“The hell do you mean why, the whole point of that whole damn thing-“

“Why was it the point?” She rolled onto Her back, meeting Dean’s eyes with raised brows. “Who would want this thing?”

“Ruby wants it, and she’s going to be a real bitch if we don’t give it to her-“

“Should I give it to Her?”

Dean stared at Her, saying her name slowly. “What the hell are you talking about.”

“You told me not to trust her, Dean.” She held his gaze, and Dean felt like She looking right down into the pit. Daring him to admit something he didn’t understand. “Why should I give her the arrowhead if I shouldn’t trust her.”

It took a second for Her words to sink in. She was just watching him, a challenging expression on Her pretty face, and when it clicked, Dean had to go rigid and still to stop himself from crashing down into Her pouting, drawn lips.

She was taking him seriously. She was taking Dean—Dean, of all damn people—and his opinion and trust of Ruby, seriously. She wasn’t trusting Ruby because he told Her not to, and there wasn’t an ounce of doubt in Her voice. It had been flat, pointed, filled with that same dry tone She’d used when she’d asked Dean a rhetorical question about a hunt or a monster She’d already known everything about. The voice She used when she was half quizzing him, but She’d also been in charge of designing all the answers.

He couldn’t think about that. Couldn’t sit in how it made him stand a little taller, how Her gaze on his was almost certainly looking all the way into him, how She was seeing into every piece and sunken hollow in Dean’s body and not moving away.

Why the hell couldn’t She just move away.

He couldn’t have this. He couldn’t have Her. Dean needed to keep moving, and Her looking at him like that—like She could see him, like he was real, like She wanted to fall up into him just as bad as he wanted to tumble down to Her—made him want to stay in this parking lot for the entirety of his remaining months. 

“We still gotta work with the bitch,” Dean said Her name, forcing his gaze to remain on Her’s, all while trying to remember how he’d ever managed to convince Her to do anything. “She’s our best line to Lilith-“

“That can’t be true.” 

Dean blinked at Her. “You got a better idea?”

“No. But I could find one.”

“You planning to find it in the car?”

She scowled. “Shut up-“

“Look, you-“ Dean sighed, running a hand over his face. “You don’t need to give it to Ruby. But you need to come inside.”

Her eyes narrowed, Her mouth opening to probably say something harsh and firm along the lines of shove it up your ass, Winchester, you don’t tell me what to do, but Dean pushed on before She could. 

“Please?” He watched Her carefully, trying not to get lost in how She was blinking at him, how he could move just a few inches and brush the hair off Her face, trace his fingers over her parted lips. “Can’t just leave you alone in the car at 3am. You never know when more demons might jump out of the bushes, sweetheart.”

“It’s three in the-“ She cut Herself off with a yawn, and God, she could be real damn cute when She wasn’t glaring at him. 

“C’mon, Princess.” Dean nodded to the motel room, hoping She was too tired to hear the affection in his voice. “Let’s go.”

When She pushed herself to her feet, Dean’s hand almost shot out to rest on Her lower back and guide her inside.

He regained control of his body at the last second, and flinched back. He was falling again. Further and further every time, because he always thought he’d reached the deepest part of this strange pull to Her, and he was always wrong. 

She didn’t see it. Didn’t see how he recoiled from Her body. Shit, Dean hoped She hadn’t seen it. That might be the line crossed—might be something She took as Dean hating her, when he couldn’t, he didn’t know how—and Dean didn’t want to lose Her. He would. He’d have to.

But not now.

Not when She was listening to him. Not when he could feel something start to bloom to the right of his heart, because She was trusting him. Against all odds and logic and reason, She was trusting Dean. He didn’t understand it. He never did. But this was good, and it would all be gone soon regardless, and Dean can’t be allowed to have something so good just to break it, but he also couldn’t live with himself if he shattered Her without having her at all.

His head was spinning around that idea. How could She still trust Dean, he was Dean, he was damned and selfish and mean to Her, but she still trusted him-

He almost missed the chorus of shouts that broke through the motel room. 

She flying at Ruby, knife in hand and eyes slightly crazed, blocked only by Sam jumping in Her path and holding Her back as Ruby scrambled away.

“What the fuck-“

“Let go of me!” She was screaming, thrashing in Sam’s hold and watching Ruby with a slightly crazed expression. “Sam- Fucking let go- I- I can’t-“

Sam said Her name, his voice in the calming tone he used on the vics. “That’s just Ruby, she’s an ally-“

“Just an ally?” Ruby shot him a glare. “Ouch, Sammy, I thought we were friends-“

“I- Maybe wait until after I calm her down to start yelling at me-“ Sam cut himself off with a groan as She elbowed him in the gut, but didn’t waver his hold. “Fuck-“

“Let- Sam, let me go- I need to- fuck- Dean!” She screamed for him, and whatever daze Dean had been shocked into was destroyed by the sound of it. “Dean, it’s a- Dean-“

“Fucking hell,” Ruby shook her head slightly, her back still pressed to the wall, her body a little more rigid than Dean had seen it before. “She’s a dramatic one, isn’t she-“

“Don’t talk about her like that.” Dean snapped, giving Ruby a firm, harsh, don’t fucking test me, bitch, glower before taking Her face between his hands, lowering his voice until only She could really hear it. “You need to calm down, Princess-“

She shook Her head, hair sliding over Her brow, and Dean had a striking realization that this was the closest he’d been to Her in over two years. 

“Dean, she’s- If- It’s wrong- Something’s wrong-“

“Ruby’s a demon,” he said Her name carefully, scanning over Her open features. “You knew that-“

“I- I’m not-“ She shook Her head, Her voice more panicked by the second. “It’s wrong, Dean, something’s wrong-“

“I know. Just, son of a bitch-“

He gave in. Dean let his control slip just a little, gave into his every deeply rooted and natural instinct, and ran his thumb down Her nose.

The effect was almost immediate. Her eyes closed slowly, the tension leaving Her expression and body as she half-slumped into him, and this was everything Dean had been trying to avoid, but he also couldn’t ignore how his own bones felt lighter in his body, how the world felt bigger—in a relieving, colorful and bright way that made Dean’s head not feel like a weight on his neck—because She wasn’t freaking out.

He moved Her to the bed without a word, letting Her lie flat on her back and curling his fingers to stop himself from falling further—from tracing Her cheekbones and tucking Her hair behind her ears—and only managed to remember they weren’t alone in the whole universe because Ruby coughed behind him.

“What the hell was that-“

“She must have, uh-“ Sam swallowed, glancing to Her on the bed as he said Her name. “Are you-“

“I’m fine.” She muttered, eyes still closed as She twisted a ring on her finger. “Forgot she was a demon. Sorry.”

Lie.

That was a lie.

Dean frowned at Her, keeping his voice level and casual. “How’d you manage to remember-“

“I must have flashed my eyes.” Ruby jumped in, and she hadn’t moved from her spot on the wall. “Happens sometimes.”

Sam shot Dean a confused, slightly questions look, and Dean gave a small shake of his head. 

“I’ve never seen you do that shit by accident, Ruby-“

“Well you don’t look at me, Dean, so kindly stop being an ass and have your girlfriend hand over the arrowhead.”

Dean scowled, but couldn’t bring himself to properly protest the girlfriend thing. Not when his brain was still in a scratching loop of Her face so close, Her warm cheeks under his hands, the intoxicating smell of that goddamn fruit dragging him higher and higher-

“No.” She muttered from the bed, and when Her eyes opened they found Dean’s so fast he’d have thought he was a magnet. “It’s staying with me.”

Ruby’s eyes narrowed as she pushed off the wall, Dean body moved a slight inch to the side—just enough to stop Ruby if she tried something on his- his whatever She was—and Sam sighed.

“Oh, shit.”

“What do you mean, no?” Ruby sneered, taking a slow step forward. “I sent you to get it for me, you can’t just keep it-“

“You ever heard of finders keepers?” Her voice was bored, and whatever panic Ruby’s black eyes had sparked in Her seemed to have vanished entirely. “This is that.”

Ruby scoffed. “That doesn’t work here, you spoiled brat-“

Something hot filled Her eyes, and Dean felt like something was rotting in his chest. 

“That’s rude.” She cut Ruby off with a shrug, nothing in Her tone shifting, but Her eyes remained different. Dean wasn’t sure anyone else had noticed. “And I’m sorry, but I’ve never been good at being peer pressured. Try again later.”

“Later? Are you-“ Ruby whipped around to snap at Sammy. “Make her give me my arrowhead.”

“I- uh-“ Sam glanced to Dean, his face filled with worry. “I’m not-“

“Shut it, Ruby.” Dean grunted, and Sam’s whole body seemed to slump with relief. “If her majesty says no arrowhead, you don’t get an arrowhead.”

Ruby glared at him. “Are you fucking kidding me-“

“I dunno,” Dean looked to Her with raised brows, and he could’ve sworn he saw Her mouth tug slightly upwards. “You kidding, sweetheart?”

“Not really, no.”

“Alright.” He shrugged, turning back to Ruby with a shrug. “You heard the lady. No arrowhead.”

Ruby’s jaw twitched. “This is stupid, I mean, even for you, Dean-“

“It’s not stupid.” She snapped from the bed, and Dean glanced over to find Ruby on the end of one of Her coldest, most threatening glares. “I’m holding onto it. No one else.”

“You could try and take it from her,” Dean suggested, crossing his arms over his chest. “But I’ll warn you, she plays it real fast and loose with that knife.”

There was a long, silent stand-off—Sammy shifting on his feet in the background, looking around the group like he was trying to work out which bomb in a pile would go off first—and Ruby caved first.

“Fine.” Ruby sighed, shooting Her a glare. “Be a fucking child. In the meantime, we need to go back to how Sam said you three got jumped by demons.”

“Jumped is a strong word,” She muttered, arms wrapping around Her stomach. “More like snuck up on-“

“This isn’t a joke.” Ruby snapped. “If demons are following you, it’s because of the arrowhead, which means more will be coming if we don’t do something about it.”

She sat up on the bed, an odd and unreadable expression on Her face, but before Dean could ask what the hell it was for, Sam was talking.

“They were- uh-“ He looked to Dean and Her, his voice filled with slight nerves. “They were green? The demons-“

“Green?” Ruby stared at Sam, the almost frightened look returning to her face. “Sam, what the hell do you mean they were green-“

“He means they were green, genius.” Dean muttered, rolling his eyes. “Green smoke, green eyes. Green-“

“Demons.” Ruby was shaking her head, the movement almost frantic. “For- God, for fuck’s sake, can you two not making anything easy-“

“Do you know what they are?” She was fully sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing Her palm with a thumb as Her attention fixed on Ruby. “The green demons, have you heard of them-“

Ruby let out a dry laugh. “Of course I’ve heard of them. They, shit, they’re like nightmares. In hell we use them to scare little baby demons into brushing their fucking teeth-“

Dean frowned. “Hold up, you’ve got baby demons-“

“Obviously not, dumbass, I’m just trying to drive home how fucked we are-“

She took a long breath, pushed off the bed, and Dean was worried he was going insane. He thought he saw Ruby fucking flinch at Her movement.

“Ruby.” She said, and that was the tone She used on a hunt. When She wasn’t looking for anyone to argue with Her, and wasn’t going to give way for the opportunity. “What are the green demons.”

“Hell’s Assassins.” Ruby said, her words pushed through teeth. “They do things that are above every other demon’s pay grade, usually staying in the shadows and only showing themselves when there’s no other option. If they’re out now, that means, shit-“

“We’re screwed.” Sammy muttered, and Ruby nodded.

“Royally fucked. Our best bet is throwing them off the trail.” Ruby sighed, started to ramble about how if they could convince the green-eyed douchebags that they’d taken the arrowhead somewhere else and dropped it, maybe they could buy enough time to figure out how to avoid them once they worked out it had been a trick, but Dean wasn’t listening.

He was looking at Her. 

And She looked horrible.

Drop dead gorgeous—just as She always was—but horrible. Sick. She looked truly, awfully, deeply sick again. Sunken and afraid and small, curled into Herself and eye screwed tight, and this was worse than any of the fear because Dean felt like he needed to do something, but he wasn’t a healer, he’d break Her further and She’d leave for good once more, and it would kill him. He was an asshole, and if She walked away now—right as he was starting to see parts of him that had been hollow and cracked fuse back together, brighter and stronger than before—it would kill Dean before the contract even got the chance to catch up with him.

But Her obvious pain was clawing at Dean’s throat and burning over his skin, he needed to fix it, needed to make things better for Her, everything had to be better for Her-

“I’ll take Sam, then.” Ruby’s words cut through his thoughts, and Dean turned with a scowl.

“Take Sam where-“

“To drive off the demons, you meat-headed idiot-“

“Shut up.” She snapped from the bed, and Dean wasn’t imagining it. Ruby flinched. The bitch was actually fucking afraid of Her.

Which was understandable. 

She could be scary. 

And right now, with Her furiously beautiful features and firm glare, She was downright terrifying.

“Don’t talk to him like that,” She muttered. “And you’re not just taking Sam-“

“I’m- I think it’s a good plan.” Sam scratched his neck, shooting Her an apologetic look. “I mean, she’s right, Ruby. Talk to Dean like that again and I won’t hold her back when she tries to carve your eyes out, but I’ll go with you. For the team.”

The team. They were a team. And She and Sam were standing up for him, and cared about him enough to maul Ruby or put up with her for an extended amount of time, and this exactly what Dean was afraid of-

“You two will have to go on lockdown,” Ruby snapped, and Dean didn’t miss how she was standing a little too tall. Too guarded. “Buddy system to get food, doors shut day and night, no one in or out that’s not me or Sammy-“

Sam frowned. “Don’t call me that. Or I’m not driving these demons off with you.”

“Well, Sammy, you don’t really have a choice. Just like Elizabeth and Darcy,” Ruby turned her smirk of Her and Dean. “Are going to have to hole up here. Together. Just them, all week.”

“All-“ She swallowed, and something stung at Dean’s heart at the expression on Her face. “Can’t we just go to Bobby’s-“

“In Dakota?” Ruby laughed. “We don’t have time for that. Besides, we’re taking the car-“

Dean’s eyes narrowed. “Like hell you’re taking my car-““Don’t worry, Sammy will drive. Ready?” 

Sam blinked. “I- are we leaving now-“

“Like I said, we don’t have time. Those things- They’re a bigger threat than Lilith. So unless you’re going to hand over the arrowhead-“

“Not a chance.” Her chin raised slightly, and Dean couldn’t stop a smirk at the sour expression on Ruby’s face.

“Fine. Have fun on lockdown.”

Everything moved in a flash. Ruby and Sam got stopped at the door as She moved in front of it—Dean didn’t know how She was suddenly back to her usual, sharp and quick self, but he did know that Ruby froze at the sight of Her in their path—and She demanded the full, detailed plan. Ruby and Sam were going to draw the green-eyed demons away by fucking off to Oklahoma, She and Dean were going to stay here and keep the arrowhead safe, and once they were in the clear Sam and Ruby would come back. 

And before Dean could find the proper words to express how he was so fatally close to completely giving back into Her, to moving fully back into Her orbit and doing everything he’d sworn he wouldn’t—forgiving Her again, being whatever She needed him to be, trying to hold Her when he’d really be nothing more than literal dirt and blood by the end of the year—Sam and Ruby were gone.

Dean was alone again.

But this was worse.

Because he was alone with Her.

And it didn’t matter what Ruby claimed. 

That was a bigger threat than Lilith.

————

This is going to kill you. 

You should’ve protested more. Insisted that you and Dean didn’t need to go on lockdown together, that there had to be other options.

You couldn’t think of other options, but there had to be some. 

Dean wouldn’t have let you stay alone. You had to stay with the arrowhead. There was no world where you’d let Dean go off with Ruby. You didn’t even love Sam going off with Ruby, and she’d only been insulting him while casting a broader net for Dean. 

Nobody should go with Ruby. But you had a feeling she wouldn’t have allowed that, just as you wouldn’t have allowed her to take Dean. 

And you’re certain she’s not your biggest fan either, given how she flinched at the sight of you, even before you tried to kill her.

You’d almost let the Darkness slip there. If Sam hadn’t held you back, you would’ve let it rush out and stomp Ruby down to nothing, because you’d never seen a demon that hideous. They all had horrid, twisted and marred faces, shifting and moving in the smoke, but Ruby had been awful. Glinting and rolling and stained along her vessel like a disease.

And maybe she was just an ugly bitch.

But maybe you’d have to keep an eye on her. She’d wormed her way into Sam and Dean’s life like a parasite, and you now had to ensure they came out the other side with all their organs intact.

And that’s not your job. Not your place.

But you’re going to do it anyway. 

You have to repay them somehow. For putting up with this. For putting up with you, and the danger you brought just by daring to try and breathe in their proximity. 

In Dean’s proximity.

You can’t stop drawing closer and closer to Dean.

And you know he hates you. He has every right to, even if you don’t know why. You have a theory it starts and ends with John, and how you never said goodbye, but it doesn’t matter.

You’ll spend your time with him trying to keep yourself on a leash, and pretending you’re not already addicted to his voice and smell and face once more. 

You’d never truly been clean of him. You’d never stopped dreaming of him, never stopped wanting him, and the White had never hesitated to whine and buck and scream for you to turn around and return to where you should be. 

Wherever Dean was.

But one month back, he hates you, and you’ve never needed him more. Because he makes it easier. The pain is harsher and sharper when it comes—on worse cases and when you don’t sleep for long nights that never seem to end, until color breaks the horizon and Dean is at your side once more—but every waking moment doesn’t feel vile. Sometimes you breathe and it’s not poison in your lungs. Your heart beats and it’s a steady time that isn’t shredding itself apart. Dean brushes past you in the hall, or meets your eyes in the Impala’s mirror, and snaps your name like he cares about, and everything turns silver.

So you can’t stop trying to fix it. Dean so plainly loathes you, but then he’ll smirk at you, or laugh at a joke, or pull you away from danger, and you’ll fall further into himo. It fuels you. To patch this vast crack between you with whatever you can find, scavenging for thread that isn’t frayed in heated moments—when he cares, or when he’s furious—that fuse this back together a little more.

And God, it’s so unhealthy. How you’re scrambling to fix something you’d never had a right to break in the first place, especially when Dean doesn’t even care to see it fixed himself. When, even if you manage to salvage this, it will crumble once more when the Darkness gets a full hold of you, and everything crashes down. 

But knowing that had never stopped you.

And it’s Dean. And he’s magnetic and strong and still somehow the only certain thing in the universe. You’re drowning in him every second, and the whole world has become sharp and stained in gold because he’s right there and you could touch him if you tried, so you can’t just give up. He’ll snap and you’ll snap back, but you won’t leave. 

You can’t leave.

When Dean’s finally here, you don’t think you could pull fully away if you tried.

Now would be the time to learn. When you know that the demons hunting you are Hell’s fucking assassins, and they’re here for you. You’ll let Sam and Dean believe it’s the arrowhead—and you have a sense that Ruby is already aware it’s not—but it’s you. They’d been there for you, and the Darkness had started to seep out no matter how you chewed your tongue red or dug your nails to your skin, and nobody was safe with you but you still couldn’t leave.

Not when you’re locked down.

With Dean.

You won’t let him touch the arrowhead. You’d caught him, the first day, trying to shift through your jacket and pull it out while you’d been taking a shower. You’d cleared your throat, your arms crossed over your chest, and he’d turned with a wide-eyed, guilty expression. 

“I- uh-“

“It’s not nice to snoop, Winchester.” You’d said, giving him a pointed look. “And it’s not there anyway.”

He’d blinked at you, but recovered quickly. Charming, boy-ish grin returning, expression a picture of mock innocence, so painfully unaware of how the White in your chest was begging you to close the space and just hold him-

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, sweetheart, I was just looking for something. Is a guy not allowed to look for things anymore?”

You’d raised your brows at him. “What were you looking for?”

“Gun.”

“In my jacket?”

He’d paused at that. “Thought it was my jacket.”

“I didn’t know you wore women’s jackets, Deano.” You’d taken at step back into the bathroom, reaching for your spare towel as you continued. “You are not a good liar.”

He’d scowled. “I’m a freakin’ fantastic liar-“

You’d hummed, shooting him a look of amusement. “Sure.”

“I’m better than you are.” He’d snapped. “I always have you figured out, Princess. And I’m lying right fucking now.”

It had been hard not to wince at that one. Dean was better than you were. Everyone was.

And he could be lying, and you don’t even know about what, but he could be. And you’d deserve it. Whether it’s a punishment or just another way for Dean to hate you, you’d deserve it for making everything so much worse.

So you’d sighed, grabbed the arrowhead from folded towel, and held it up for him to see.

“Just- don’t try and take this. Don’t touch it.” You held Dean’s gaze, and there had been something hot inside of it. Something that seemed more turned on him than aimed at you.

It still hurt.

“Please.” You’d added, just because he really couldn’t touch it. “Dean, I need you to say-“

“I won’t touch it,” he’d grunted. “Bossy.”

And the White had relaxed. A little less danger for Dean to be in. 

Another thing to take and let ignite you from within. To grab onto and cast around your body, until those fractured pieces could grow a little further back together, and the world could be a little more colorful.

Days later, you’re still keeping the arrowhead under your pillow. Dean hasn’t tried to take it, but there’s no other place for it to be.

It has to stay with you.

Because whatever Ruby thinks it is, she’s wrong.

There had been a brief moment of terror, when Sam had said made to kill powerful things, but then you’d looked at it and you’d known that wasn’t the truth. The weight over your chest and pressing on your lungs had been relieved, but only for a second. 

Then you’d looked closer, and it was something far worse.

There were four languages carved into the jade, and one of them was shifting and strange the same way your thoughts always did when you created a ritual, the same way the words women of the high always moved on the paper. You’d told Sam it was simply witch symbols, and it hadn’t been a full lie. They were symbols, just as all letters were. And they were likely carved by a witch.

But they were likely more. 

Because this thing was powerful. 

And it fed the Darkness more than anything you’d seen before.

Everything was louder and bigger and sharper when you held it in your hands. Even Dean’s presences didn’t fully soften the sheer vastness of everything when the arrowhead was in your hands. The world was still silver, but it wasn’t blurred. It was harsh and bright and violent inside of you, barely contained and pressing up under your skin to be freed.

And then there was Dean. How when you hold the arrowhead, he’s not just leaving stains. 

He’s branded into you. 

It’s visible. You can feel it. You can fucking taste him, lingering in the back of your throat despite never having been that close to him before. He’s embedded in your chest and marked all over you in places that he hasn’t touched in years. There’s something faint golden painted all over your body—tangled in your hair and glowing in your guts—and it spurs all those fractured pieces into an overwhelming frenzy. They grasp onto every bit of light the gold provides and toss it all over your body until even the Darkness feels like it’s blended into the White and everything is all just silver.

But then you drop the arrowhead, your hand growing weak from just how fucking much everything is, and it all becomes numbed pain and shifting gold on the couch and Dean’s bed.

So whatever the arrowhead is, Ruby can’t have it. And Dean can’t know what it is, or why you keep staring at him with a tight frown when you hold it, watching his… everything. How he’s like a walking, breathing pillar of gold.

“Take a picture, Princess.” He mutters from the table, his attention on the laptop Sam had left you. “It’ll last longer.”

You scowl, shoving the arrowhead back under your pillow. “Shut up.”

He does.

You don’t think it’s because you told him to.

About three days of your lockdown have passed. Dean’s barely speaking to you.

It’s eating you alive.

Every day has been the same. You exist in Dean’s gravity, and he doesn’t even know you can’t pull away, and time passes in barely a crawl. You watch the tiny box TV and flip through the motel’s provided magazines and your own books, while Dean drinks and hunches over Sam’s laptop.

Half your trash is beer bottles, and you haven’t even had one. You still don’t drink—now doesn’t really feel like the time to start—and Dean probably remembers that, but it still worries you. You know he’s had a rough two years, that he had to watch John die, and Sam almost die, and fight Azazel, and deal with the Devil’s Gate, but this seems worse. Dean drank before.

He didn’t quite drink like this. 

And he still won’t really look at you. 

The most you get from him is grunts about food, strange looks that end the moment you catch his eyes on yours, and muttered words about how Sam sent a message, and he and Ruby are still alive.

It’s moves the Darkness to an edge. Everything is still silver, but the Darkness is still a part of that, and it’s volatile. Hateful and wrathful. Cracking over your ribs and rotten on your tongue, and at night—when Dean snores in his bed and you stare at the ceiling with your knife in hand—you feel so fucking sick once more.

And this is another one of those nights. The day had been the same as all the others, and Dean’s fast asleep across the room, and you allow yourself to look at him.

He’s still so pretty. There are a few more lines on his face and a slightly heavier expression on his face, but he’s still Dean. Still the best thing you’ve ever seen, and the only one that had ever managed to make you falter. To sit down and want to stay there, to have that strong, unexplainable pull that makes you watch him in the dark like a creep, that drags you down, down, down when he’s only existing near you.

It’s just as terrifying as it’s always been. How Dean is just more. How he was like a phantom behind you in the years apart, and how he’s all the world in front of you. How there had been moments—while you’d been apart with no belief you’d ever fall back into him again, when you’d skipped every town you set foot in and never allowed yourself to stop moving—where someone at a bar had smirked at you and asked for your name, and you’d given it, and when they’d repeated it with a drawl and heated promise in their eyes, all you’d been able to think was not Dean.

And he’s right there. In the dark.

And you’re not running.

But you are growing sicker. Watching him makes the White rear its head, and that sparks the Darkness, and Dean has always been able to set you off more than anyone else, and he’s just lying there and looking like everything you could ever need, and you’re losing control.

You push out of your bed—holding your breath and taking light steps on the creaking floor—and move to the bathroom. 

You can’t use your usual methods. Dean would wake from the sound or notice the blood in the morning, and you don’t need that right now. So you take the second-best choice and turn the sink on, letting the hot water flow until steam is rising from it, and run your hands under it.

Your skin feels like it’s raw and peeling. It fucking hurts, and you might not be able to really turn a page in the morning without wincing. 

But the Darkness sinks back down.

So it works.

You bow your head, eyes squeezed shut, and push on. You need the Darkness to go be tamed, to go so deep into your body that you’ll be able to go at least the whole day with no fear of losing it, with no fear of hurting-

“You shouldn’t do that.”

When your eyes shoot open, he’s right there. Dean’s frowning at you from the door, supporting himself with one hand on the frame and rubbing his eyes as he speaks.

“’S not good for you.”

“Yeah, well,” you narrow your eyes at him, furious at yourself for not locking the door, furious at him for thinking he has any right to tell you what to do. He doesn’t know you’d follow him anywhere, and trust him with your soul in his hands. As far as Dean’s concerned, you’re nothing, so he doesn’t get to tell you what to do. “You shouldn’t drink.”

He blinks at you. “What.”

“Half the motel room is beer bottles.” You snap. “And if you’re allowed to do that, I’m allowed to do this.”

“You-“ Dean jaw twitches, his eyes darting to your hands, still pressed until the steaming water. “There’s no fucking reason for you to be doing that shit-“

“Is there a reason for you to drink?”

He scowls. “That’s different, Princess-“

“Is it?” You hum, looking back to your hands. They hurt. You won’t pull them away. “How?”

“That’s not your business- It just fuckin’ is-“

“So this isn’t yours.” You shrug, letting out a long, slow breath. “Go back to bed, Dean.”

There’s a long moment where you can still see him in the doorway. You think he’s going to argue, or push you, or keep trying to convince you to step back from the sink. 

But the floorboards creak, and he’s gone. You follow him, a handful of minutes later.

Neither of you mention it in the morning. 

“We need to get more food,” Dean mutters that afternoon. “But Sammy took my fucking car-“

“There’s the shop down the street we used last time.” You don’t look up from your book, because if you do, you’ll meet Dean’s eyes and fall a little further. “It’s like, a five-minute walk.”

“I don’t wanna use that place, they didn’t have bacon-“

“They were out of bacon. Three days ago.” You sigh, glaring at the words on your page. You’ve read them ten times before, and you’re getting bored, but Dean will only talk to you about necessity so repetition is your only option. “I’m sure they’ve restocked.”

Dean mutters something under his breath you can’t hear, and don’t really want to. 

But you’re right. When you’ve dressed and walked down to the tiny, acceptably useful grocery store—Dean one pace behind you, your body leaning slightly back as if it can’t help but try to be a little closer to him where it’s allowed—they’ve restocked on bacon.

“I’ve got a list of what we need,” you’re trying to ignore how he’s shifting at your side, like he can’t wait to move away. You wish you could blame him. “Find whatever else you want, and try not to go overboard.”

“You can’t go overboard on food, Princess.” Dean’s words are casual. Easy. Your heart skips and beat then freezes in your chest. “You try not to get lost.”

You glare up at him. “I am not going to get lost, asshole-“

He’s already walking away.

It takes all your willpower not to chase after him. 

The grocery store really is small, and you don’t need much. One of the—countless—amazing things about Dean is how he’s a man of habit. Even after two years apart, you can still predict him like he’s the moon in the sky. Beer, jerky, the bacon he was so whiny about, a few pre-made pies. A lot of butter and meatballs because you refuse to not take advantage of having a real, small kitchen for the first time in years, and Dean will be eating with you whether the asshole likes it or not.

And you don’t know where he’s wandered off to at first, but you realize quickly it’s not as far as you thought. 

Because you glance over your shoulder at the exact right time, and Dean’s there. Half hidden behind a shelf, glaring at a bag of vegetable broth that is so obviously a cover, you almost laugh.

You don’t know what the fuck he’s doing.

You’re too starved and desperate for his proximity—how easily everything is bright and silver in your body—to confront him. 

So the rest of the grocery trip passes exactly like that.

You wander the isles to cross every item off your list. Dean stays several, poorly hidden paces behind you like some kind of oddly trained guard dog. You indulge him and pretend he’s being stealthy, when in reality he’s just a massive man very obviously following you around in a grocery store. 

At one point you catch his eye and raise your brows—because you just can’t fucking help it—and you could swear he blushes before he looks away.

This is so strange. He’s barely looked at you all week, and suddenly he’s doing this.

You wish you could bring yourself to care about that a little more.

Around the canned goods isle—chicken soup because it’s easy—a woman approaches Dean. She’s not a demon, just a pretty human with soft eyes that are fixed on your—not your—Dean, but you still feel something stabbing and biting in your gut when he even looks at her.

It’s pathetic. You have no claim there, no valid reason to want to march over and link your arm through Dean’s like you used to, to suddenly wish he’d just fucking stop the whole act and come stand at your side, but that doesn’t stop the feeling

Or the way the whole world—in and out of your body—sings when Dean dismissed the woman barely a chance. When he glances at her, shrugs off her overly sweet words, and doesn’t shift at her fluttering lashes. When she shuffles off with slumped shoulders, and Dean keeps up his stupid little charade of trailing you through the store.

He probably was just being cautious. You’re both a little wired and vigilant given the whole situation. 

But those featured pieces still bloom and grow along your body. And you can’t bring yourself to be bitter about it.

Neither of you mention anything when you meet back at the checkout isle. Dean shoves his hands in his pockets with a short nod and grunt of done, stays his usual one step behind you, and pretends nothing odd happened at all.

“I got you one case of beer,” you say as you approach the front of the line. “If you want more, I’d go get it now-“

“One is fine.” He leans slightly forward, and you can feel the heat from his body, and he smells like grass and spice- “Where the hell is my bacon.”

You turn to glare at him, and fuck, that’s a mistake. He’s very close, and you can see the slight crook of his nose and how full his lips are, and if you moved your hand up a little you could trace along his jaw-

“Did you forget my fucking bacon-“

You pull yourself together, and give him a flat look. “Such little faith, Deano-“

“I’m not seein’ it-“

You shift around the basket, pushing items aside as you take a step forward, revealing the three packs of bacon and placing them on the checkout belt. 

“It was the first thing I got,” you shrug, moving the rest of the food out of the basket. “Add whatever you grabbed to the belt.”

He hadn’t grabbed anything. You were pretty fucking certain Dean hadn’t actually gotten anything, because he’d spent the whole time following you. The only reason he missed the bacon was because you’d gotten it first, and he’d been-

Getting something. Dean reaches into his jacket and pulls out a few candy bars and fruits, dropping them onto the belt without a glance in your direction.

“What-“

“They’re for you.” He mutters. He’s still not looking at you. “You never freakin’ remember to get yourself something.”

You blink at him, and nod slowly. 

He got you things. He’d followed you through the grocery store and got you things, but he still won’t look at you. He’ll barely speak to you.

Another day passes, and Dean won’t just look at you.

You’re not sleeping. And that’s no different than normal, but this feels worse. When it had been you and Jo—before your party got crashed—Jo had agreed to do shifts. She’d known what was happening, known that there was no world where you’d sleep easy, especially not with another person in the room, and she’d talked you into rotating schedules. 

It had worked.

And in the past month with Sam and Dean, you’d had your own room. If demons burst through the door, you’d be the only target. 

But now you’re putting Dean in danger. 

So you don’t sleep. You keep yourself functional with quick naps in the middle of the day—when Dean’s awake and not looking at you—but you can feel cracks starting to form over your head. Somethings set to snap. 

You’re going to break. 

You can feel it coming, like a storm moving in and pressure shifting in the air. 

Your only hope is to hold it down. You try to hold it down. The hot water is running out faster, and the skin around your nail is raw and bloody, and Dean still won’t look at you-

And your guard slips.

When they arrive, you’re not ready. 

Your head is a little fogged. You’d left your knife on your bed, in your jacket from when you’d gone to the motel lobby for more toilet paper. Your back is to the door because the sun is too bright, and it’s giving you a headache. You’re curled on the couch because everything hurts, and Dean’s still in the lobby grabbing ice and you wish he’d just finish the fuck up, because you need him close but you’re never allow to say that- 

You’re too tired to think anything of the first bang on the door. It’s likely just housekeeping, even though you’d put the do not disturb sign up, and carried the toilet paper back yourself.

The second bang makes you frown, and you can’t see anyone outside.

Third bang. Your voice is dripping with exhaustion when you raise it, trying not to flinch at the fourth bang. 

“Sorry, we have do not disturb-“

“Don’t be sorry, darlin’.” A drawling, almost honeyed voice drawls from the other side of the door, and your blood runs cold. “And I can promise this ain’t gonna be disturbin’ if you make it easy.”

You try to launch to the bed, to grab your knife, but the door crashes open before your jelly-like body can even get off the bed.

You manage to scramble to the edge of the mattress, grabbing the arrowhead and shoving it into your jeans, but you’re barely turning before the violent, rioting and furious green grabs you by the throat and yanks you up-

Instinct kicks in, and you ram your knee into the vessels gut. It’s enough for the grip to falter, enough for you to pry his grip off your neck with shaking finger and scramble back, but there are three more and one grabbing your arms and the second has it’s knife aimed right into your chest-

“Dean!” It’s the only thing you can think to say. Scream. Pray. “Dean, I- Dean!”

You hear a gunshot go off, and a choked sound leaves your throat, but no abnormal pain comes.

The demon behind you slumps, you got right down with its weight, and the one with the knife stumbles right over your head.

You’re still too tired to fight properly. But you’re not useless. You slam your body into the knifed demon’s legs, and roll away as he topples down. 

Then you look up, see Dean’s jaw clenched as he wrestles with the fourth demon, and demon you’d kneed earlier is coming up right behind him with the knife-

It wouldn’t have killed you. If the demon on the floor had gotten you, you’d have screamed and shattered but lived. 

You don’t think Dean will live.

And the rush kicks in.

You launch yourself at the demon that’s behind Dean, wrapping your arms around it’s neck and squeezing with all the strength in your body.

Dean turns with wide eyes and a roar of your name, and you rear all your body weight forward. Slamming your demon into the one that Dean’s had been fighting, because the dumbass hadn’t knocked him down and he’d been barreling at Dean like a tank. 

You jump off right in time, and Dean catches you. Steadying you on your feet and scanning over your face like he’s looking for something, opening his mouth to say something but shutting it closed when the still conscious demon on the floor start to stumble upwards.

Dean shoves you behind him and draws his gun once more, the shot echoing around the motel room as you dunk under his arm and run to the bed-

Dean shouts your name, and you can feel his gaze searing into your skull. “What the fuck are you-“

You grab your knife—jumping up on the bed and spinning it in your hand—and launch forward, grabbing Dean’s head and shoving it down as you land on the first demon’s shoulder’s driving your knife right into its chest. 

These vessels weren’t going to live. You hadn’t bothered to tell Sam and Dean at the gas station—it was already a shit day, and you didn’t want to be fucking bummer—but you’d learned the hard way that the moment a green demon possessed a human, they were done. That ripping and tearing violence inside of them killed them the same as any bullet or blade. 

So you don’t pull punches.

And you tear your knife right down the demon’s skin.

Dean catches you again, when the demon under you collapses. Holds you right to his side as he shoots the last demon—crawling up behind you with a blade angled at your calf—and keeping you there in the long moments after.

He looks like an avenging angel or something else stupidly beautiful. The arrowhead is still a weight in your pocket, and Dean’s muttering words you can barely hear over the ringing in your ears, and he’s glowing and golden and powerful—rioting in an almost righteous way, in stark contrast to the vicious fury of the green demons, rocketing out of their vessels and screeching out the windows���and you put him in danger.

Dean could’ve died. You could’ve gotten him killed.

You could’ve killed him.

And suddenly you’re not your own anymore. The rush fades and it’s all too real and Dean’s right here, but you could’ve lost him and had no one to blame but yourself because you’re cancerous and evil and wrong and can’t just save him—save something so permanent and beautiful that you have no right to be protected or served by in any way—because you’re the bad thing, you’re the sickness, you’re worse than the demons. And you’re everywhere. You’re the jagged pain of the shattered windows and the ache of the cracked walls and the shredded fever of the torn blankets and ruined couch-

“Hey,” Dean’s muttering your name, his voice low and firm, and it’s the only thing in the world that isn’t painful. “You’re good. We’re both alive, Princess, don’t- Shit, don’t cry-“

Something warm but not burning is cupping your face, and tracing your cheeks, brushing away a white-hot stain that had begun to wash out of your stinging eyes-

You are crying. And Dean—those were his hands, touching you carefully, like he was afraid you’d shatter in his hold when you’ve never felt more whole—is wiping away your tears.

You’re fucking pathetic.

And you can’t stop yourself leaning into his touch, falling into his focused certainty, and letting out a shaky breath when he starts to pet down your nose and the world sinks right back into your body.

You’re only you again.

But you’re still Dean a little, too. He’s so golden and you’re molten silver a little to the right of your heart, and those fractured pieces are surging up and around you, blooming and furious and bright, so fucking bright-

It’s good Dean pulls away right then. You’d been seconds from fusing fully back together, from something not snapping apart, but into place.

You already too far gone.

You still need to be able to pretend you’re not completely, irreversibly his. 

Neither of you speak. You don’t really see a reason to. Dean just watches you, and you watch him, and then you’re both moving.

The motel is trashed. Cracks mark up the wall, the bed and couch have been flipped, the door was fully crashed through, and there’s really no universe where anyone who sees this doesn’t call the cops. Ruby checked in, and the room was under her fake name and credit card, so all you and Dean need to do is leave. 

Dean starts to gather everything together—including your blood-stained jacket, the arrowhead stuffed safely in the jacket—as he calls Sam, telling him what happened, and that you’re skipping town. You head outside while that fun conversation happens, surveying the cars and picking the fanciest, fastest one you can find. 

“No.” Dean snaps, glowering down at you in the driver’s seat. “You’re fucking begging for attention in that this thing, sweetheart, cops will catch us in an hour-“

“So we’ll drop this at 59 minutes.” You say, holding his gaze. “And take the train from there. This car only needs to get us the furthest away, not fully out.”

Dean scowls. “I am not taking the train-“

“Yeah, you are.” You nod your head to the trunk. “Pack up and haul ass, car boy. Now.”

You get a mutter of fucking trains, but Dean does what you’re telling him and soon you’re bound for Chicago, staring at Dean from across the train compartment.

You’d gotten a compartment. And a bed.

One bed.

You’re going to stab someone. You did not pay almost two thousand dollars on a fake credit card for a double private room, only to be stuck in your most beautiful, terrifying nightmare.

Sleeping next to Dean.

You’d been careful. You’d been so fucking careful, for so many years, to not give in to being that more for Dean. Because it would never be enough. Dean could’ve flirt and tease all he wanted, he never wouldn’t convinced you to share his bed because you’d never just share his bed. It would’ve been a catalyst. Something would’ve shifted in you, and there would never be any coming back from Dean. There was the whole, vast, amazing and horrible world, and then there was Dean, and he could maybe be yours.

He’d never be yours. You weren’t something someone wanted to have. 

But that being the truth didn’t stop the longing or craving or need. It never had. So you’d made it clear that you barely slept in the same room, and you never shared a bed.

And almost six years of effort—four if you didn’t count those two years apart, which was still far too many years—were crumbled because you said room for two people, the ticket lady added who are sharing a bed in her head, and you’d only caught it when it was too late.

It could be fine. You feel like you’re about to pass out but you’re also far too paranoid to sleep, Dean had been up at the crack of dawn to steal all the hot water and it’s almost midnight, and this is a twenty-one hour ride so eventually you’ll both need to sleep. 

You could stagger it. Dean could sleep, then you could sleep. 

But then he’d realizes you don’t actually sleep, and that would be a whole thing that you didn’t need. You know you need rest. You are perfectly aware sleep is good for you.

Every single nerve is alight in your body with fear that a demon will crash through that door as well, the Darkness is one wrong nightmare or sound from bursting out of your body, and guilt is swollen in your stomach and sticking in your throat as one single thought loops in your head.

You could’ve gotten Dean killed. 

He could’ve died. He’s fine—his arms crossed as the glares at the room around you, splayed out over the compartment’s chairs—but Dean could’ve died. Because of you. Because you’d dragged the green demons there, and you’d put him in danger, and you’d been useless, you’d barely held it together, you hadn’t held it together, and Dean had been there to pull you back up but what if he wasn’t-

“Stop doing that.” 

You blink at him, he jerks his head to your hands, and you realize that blood is running down your fingers. 

You hadn’t even felt it. 

And you make a choice. He needs to know. He needs to understand that you don’t mean to, you never mean to, and he’s in danger as long as he’s with you so he should run, he should kill you or put you down and then run-

“Dean.” You whisper, bracing yourself for the fallout. Telling Jo went alright, and she’d only just met you.

Dean isn’t Jo. 

He’s so much more. And even just him running might break something fundamental in your body, that lives just to the right of your heart.

He grunts. “What.”

“I- the demons-“ You stare at his hands, because you can’t stand to look at his face. Maybe those same hands will be strangling you in only seconds. You’ll find out. “I- We need to talk.”

“We’re talking right freakin’ now, Princess.”

“I know, but I-“ Deep breath. Nails in your skin. Keep it together. “They were at the motel for me. The demons, they were there for me-“

“I got that, Princess.” He grunts, and your gaze shoots up find him glowering at you, his words low and his jaw clenched. 

He knows. He’s known, or he figured it out, and it’s over but why didn’t he say anything and why aren’t you dead but why does he look like he wants to throttle you or pin you against something-

“You still have that freakin’ arrowhead.”

“I-“ You swallow, your brow furrowing as you stare at him.“What?”

“The damn arrow thing, that you wouldn’t give to Ruby-“

You shake your head, your voice growing a little stronger. “That’s not- I couldn’t give it her-“

”I’m not complaining about that, the bitch is a demon. You’d be better off trusting a damn witch or vamp.”

It’s hard not to flinch at that. You manage. “Then what are you-“

“You’re just-“ He scowls. “You can never fucking listen.”

You stare at him. “What?”

“I told you to fucking wait for me,” Dean snaps, sitting a little taller. “Those sons of bitches never would’ve even gotten to you if you’d just stayed with me.”

You don’t remember that. Your brain had been the same, blurred haze it is now, deprived of sleep and aching for Dean while only knowing that it can’t have him. 

It pokes through the fog. Dean grunting wait for me, we gotta stick together as he hunched over the ice machine, and he’d smelled so good, and you’d almost collapsed over him. 

You’d barely heard him. You’d just known you couldn’t be there, or you would’ve destroyed something that already barely held together. 

But Dean can’t know that. It will lead to more questions you’re not ready to answer, because he’d just said witch like it was barely better than demon, and just as bad as vampire.

You’re bending. You can’t.

So you raise your chin, and hold his gaze. “I didn’t hear you. And I’m fine-“

He scoffs. “You were fucking sobbing-“

“Because I just got attacked by demons-“

“Which happened,” he leans forward, his voice a hiss. “Because you didn’t listen to me. You never just fucking listen-“

You roll your eyes. “Fuck off, Winchester, you’re not my dad-“

“No. And that doesn’t matter. You don’t listen to anyone. You-“ He shakes his head, and you think he’s seeing right into you. Finally, really seeing just how wrong you are, and getting ready to deliver the killing blow with only his words. “You’re so goddamn stubborn, and you’re going to get yourself fucking killed and I won’t be there to save your ass-“

“I don’t need to save my ass.” You snap. “I’m fine, Dean. I can handle myself, and I’m stubborn because I know what the hell I’m doing-“

“You’re stubborn,” he sneers. “Because you can’t stand that sometimes, sweetheart, you’re fucking wrong. You don’t listen because you hate not being in control-“

It cuts deep. You can cut deeper. “At least people listen to me, Dean. At least I can tell people what to do, instead of following someone around like a fucking dog-“

“Well at least I never fucking run! At least I don’t leave people whenever things get hard, when they-“ His shout is pushed through his teeth, and it’s almost venomous. “You fucking run. You just goddamn vanish, and act sick, when you’re fine, just can’t fucking stomach having to deal with something instead of fucking running.”

“Are you talking about the-“ You gape at him, shaking your head. “I had to leave, asshole! I fucking had to-“

He rolls his eyes. “You never have to, you just didn’t want to deal with all of our shit, but you never- You just-“

“Azazel threatened me.” You hiss, the words falling out like vomit, before you can stop them. “He told me he’d kill Bobby if I didn’t vanish.”

Dean stares at you, and you hadn’t meant to tell him that. You’d meant, earlier, to explain what was wrong with you and leave John and Azazel fully out of it. Dean had loved his dad. You’d known that, and you’d known better than to make him face the horrid truth that John was a fucking asshole, shit-headed cunt-face of a father.

Maybe that’s why you still hadn’t mentioned that John had been a part of it. Dean already looks like he’s tearing his head apart trying to figure out if he should believe you for what you did say.

You don’t need to make this worse than you already have. For either of you.

“Azazel…” Dean trials off, shaking his head like he’s trying to physically remove something from his skin. “He fucking- what-“

“He said if I didn’t leave, he’d- He’d kill Bobby.” You let out a slow breath, scanning over Dean’s shocked expression. You’re a little worried he’s going to hurt himself, with how you can see his brain whirling behind his eyes.

There’s not a lot of color on his face.

“And you- You just-“ Dean’s throat bobs, and something flashes in his eyes. “You should’ve fucking told me, I would’ve protect you-“

You shake your head, and whatever burning anger in your body had been there moments before was gone. 

You’re really just so fucking tired.

“You have enough people to protect, Dean.” You’re looking at his hands again. Curled back into fists. You want to touch his knuckles, a little bruised and swollen from the fight. At least press ice to them, keep them from getting worse. Keep Dean from being in pain. “And I was okay. Bobby’s okay. Nothing- I didn’t want to.” You swallow, choking on a lump in your throat. “I never wanted to.”

“Bobby- He said you were sick-“

“I am.” You mutter. “Two things can be true.”

“How?”

You frown at him. “How-“

“What’s wrong with you.”

You can’t tell him. Not now. You will, when you have more courage than a martyr and you’re feeling a little less intelligent, but not now. 

Now you just give him a sad, soft smile. “My- I don’t know. I’ve never been able to figure it out.”

He nods slowly, and suddenly he won’t meet your eyes. “Sammy could look at you. He’s smart.”

“I’m smart-“

“Yeah,” he offers you his own little half-smile, and his teeth flash white in the low light of the compartment. “But you can be real dumb, Princess.”

He hasn’t said Princess like that since you returned. In a way that feels like a name, in a way that’s almost more than affectionate. Filled with an odd honor you can’t place, and tugging your own smile a little wider.

And everything blends, so easily, back to silver.

You pull out a book. Dean locks the door and starts to clean his gun, humming low music until you chuck your iPod at his face. 

He grumbles, but put his earbuds in, and starts to stretch out on the seats. 

It’s a silent decision he’s making himself. Dean will sleep on the seats, you’ll sleep on the bed.

You won’t sleep on the bed. You’ll pretend to, ignoring how he’s right there. You’ll stare at the ceiling and count the little dot on it to pass the time, and everything will be better in the morning, when Dean is—maybe, just maybe—your friend again, and he’s safe, and you’re in pain and exhausted, but that’s okay-

“Go to sleep,” Dean mutters your name, and you frown.

“I am asleep.”

You think you hear him chuckle. “Sleep more, than.”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know you are, De. You always are.”

You can hear his frown through the dark. “I don’t love the third degree, sweetheart-“

“You’re being dramatic.”

“Maybe. You need fuckin’ sleep.” He pauses, his voice getting slightly softer. “I’ve- You don’t sleep. You gotta sleep.”

You let out a long breath, frowning at the ceiling. “I can’t.”

“Because you’re sick?”

“Yeah.” You swallow. “It’s- Yeah.”

There’s a beat of silence, then- “What does Bobby do.”

“He-“ You swallow. “When I was younger he’d do a sweep of my room. Like a real hunt.”

“And now-“

“Nothing.”

“Oh.”

You think you can hear Dean’s brain moving, and you don’t know why this matters to him so much. It’s just sleep. You’ve lived like this forever, worse and worse over time, and eventually you’ll just pass out and everything will be fine-

“Would it help if I was there? With- uh- with my gun?”

His voice isn’t as firm as usual, and it’s almost nervous. Like he’s afraid of the answer.

And you should say no. A gun wouldn’t even do anything, not with these demons.

But you’re tired, and that always makes you weaker. And Dean’s here, and that always makes you dumber.

“Yes.” You whisper. “Please.”

You hear him moving from the seats without any further conversation, and when his weight settles beside you, his thigh presses to yours. 

It would be too much if it was Dean. If his warmth wasn’t something you’d always chased after, even when you’d both be sweating in Georgia or Texas, even when your blood had been running high and the sun had been beating down on your skin.

Up close, it’s so easy to fold into. It’s soothing, and he smells like grass and spice all around you, and when your eyes flutter open for even a second the whole world is softly glowing with gold.

It’s imprinting deeper on your body, just from how close he is. Not everywhere, but close. And the gold is sinking so far down you’ll never be able to pull it back out. Those fractured pieces are so terrifyingly close to growing fully back together, and you don’t know what you’ll become when they do.

You can’t really find it in you to care.

The sound of Dean’s snoring is like a lullaby, and the smell of his is like an anesthetic and just his presence is making the world something peaceful. 

For the first time in years, sleep comes fast, and you go down without a fight. 

And for the first time in your life, you feel truly rested when you wake up. 

End Note: Sam Winchester you are once again God’s strongest solider for not grabbing them and mashing them together like they’re barbie and ken dolls. I just know he spent his whole trip with Ruby bitching about how impossible they are. Thank you for your service my king.

Thank you so so so much for reading!! If you like this story, please reblog, share, or leave a comment! <3

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[ribbonedreverie]

Hello!! I saw that “late night drunken call” piece you did and it was quite literally one of the best things i’ve read on here, Do you think you could Atsushi, Ranpo, Chuuya & Dazai realizing their in love with a childhood friend of theirs? Maybe their doing something domestic and it just hits them that, yeah they could do this everyday specially if its You they do it with

Thank you so much for your kind words! I absolutely adored writing this request, and I hope you enjoy the piece just as much as I did creating it. I’m still recovering from some major life changes, but I was able to write these out before everything shifted in my life—and, well, I might have gone a little overboard for a certain character heheh. But can you blame me? There’s something so special about love settling in during the quietest moments!

⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙

Chuuya had never needed anyone.

Not when he was a kid with fists too small to fight back. Not when he found a home among The Sheep, carving out his place with blood and bruises, with sharp words and sharper resolve.

But you had been different.

You weren’t a fighter, not like the rest of them, not like him. You weren’t in The Sheep, weren’t caught in the hunger for power and territory. And yet—you were there. Always there. You were the one waiting after every brawl, arms crossed, foot tapping in impatience.

“You’re an idiot, Chuuya.”

You’d say it like a scolding, but your hands were steady as you cleaned the blood from his cheek, as you traced the split in his lip with the kind of gentleness he didn’t know how to handle.

“What if one day you don’t come back?”

He’d scoff, roll his eyes, tell you he wasn’t that easy to kill. “Yeah? Then who the hell’s gonna take care of you?” he’d tease, but some part of him—some deep, quiet part—liked that you worried. Because you were soft where he was jagged. You were warmth in a world that had only ever taught him how to burn, and without ever asking for anything in return, you stayed.

Then, everything had fallen apart.

Betrayal. Lies. Mori’s outstretched hand, the weight of something heavier than he had ever known. And through it all, there was you. Sitting beside him in the cold, your shoulder pressed against his, your presence grounding him when nothing else could.

“You’re not alone,” you had whispered, voice steady, as if willing it to be true.

But then you were gone.

Scattered across Japan with the rest of The Sheep, only distant messages exchanged. But he still answered, always.

Because it had always been you.

And now, after all this time, you were here again.

Older. Wiser. Beautiful in a way that made something in his chest ache. And tonight, you were tending to his wounds, your hands as careful as ever.

“You’re still reckless,” you murmur, shaking your head.

He snorts, tilting his head back against the couch. “And you’re still a pain in the ass.”

You press the alcohol-soaked cotton against his cheek harder than necessary, making him hiss.

“Shit—! I take it back, okay?! Damn,” he grumbles, glaring at you through narrowed eyes.

You raise a brow. “Oh? You’re not used to consequences by now?”

Chuuya exhales sharply through his nose, the corner of his lips twitching. “I can deal with consequences. What I can’t deal with is you sittin’ there, lookin’ at me like that.”

Your hands still. “…Like what?”

His eyes flicker over your face—your furrowed brows, the way your lips press together like you’re holding something back.

“Like you’re still worried about me,” he mutters. “Like you never stopped.”

Silence stretches between you, thick with something unspoken.

You break it first, dipping the cotton into the antiseptic again. “Maybe I didn’t.”

Chuuya watches you carefully, eyes sharp, searching, as if he’s trying to find something in your expression that he already knows is there.

Something in his chest twists. He exhales slowly. “Tch. You’re a real pain, y’know that?”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah? Well, someone’s gotta be.”

The words should be easy, should slip out of his mouth like a well-practiced joke, but instead, they sit heavy on his tongue, thick and aching.

The air shifts.

It’s subtle at first, a slow, creeping tension wrapping around you both, thick and suffocating.

You’re too close. Close enough that he can feel the warmth of your breath against his skin. Close enough that he can see the way your lashes tremble, the way your lips part slightly as you concentrate.

His pulse pounds in his ears. He should say something—should crack a joke, should pull away, should do anything to break the moment.

But he doesn’t.

Because suddenly, the realization crashes over him all at once, sharp and unrelenting.

It had always been you.

Not just in the way you worried about him, not just in the way you stayed when everyone else left. Not just in the way he found himself reaching for his phone when the nights stretched too long and the weight of everything felt too much.

But in this. In the way you exist here, in his space, in his life, as if you had never left.

And he—

He wants this.

Not just tonight. Not just when he’s bruised and beaten and letting you take care of him.

He wants this every day.

He wants to wake up to the sound of your voice.

He wants to come home knowing you’ll be there, waiting, a scolding on your lips and a softness in your eyes.

He wants to reach across the sheets in the middle of the night and feel you.

Not some meaningless one-night distraction, not the cold emptiness of his penthouse, not the quiet ache of loneliness he’s spent years pretending doesn’t exist.

He wants you.

And it terrifies him.

His hands clench against his knees. His throat feels too tight. But then—you look up. And there’s something in your expression—something hesitant, something searching. Like maybe, just maybe, you feel it too.

Chuuya doesn’t think.

Before he can remind himself why this is dangerous, before he can force himself to step back, to pretend—he leans in.

Slowly.

Like he’s testing the waters, like he’s giving you a chance to pull away. You don’t. Your breath hitches, your lips part slightly, and that’s all the invitation he needs. His lips capture yours in a slow, deliberate kiss—one that starts hesitant but quickly grows hungry, desperate.

Your fingers curl into his shirt, your body leaning into his, and he can’t help the groan that rumbles in his chest as he deepens the kiss, tilting his head, his hands finding your waist.

“Shit,” he breathes against your lips, voice rough, almost strained. “I should’ve done this years ago.”

You laugh—breathless, warm, familiar. “Yeah. You should have.”

Chuuya exhales sharply, pressing his forehead against yours, his hands tightening around your waist like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go.

It’s too much—the heat, the years of unspoken longing, the way your body melts against his like you were always meant to be there.

And for the first time in his life, Chuuya isn’t thinking.

He isn’t thinking about The Sheep.

He isn’t thinking about the Port Mafia.

He isn’t thinking about what this means, about what happens next.

There is only this.

Only you.

Only the way you sigh against his lips as he pulls you closer, the way your fingers tangle in his hair, the way you whisper his name like it’s the only thing you’ve ever known.

And for the first time in years—maybe for the first time ever—Chuuya lets himself want.

⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙

Atsushi has known you for as long as he can remember.

There are memories of the orphanage that have blurred over time—faded like the ink of an old, forgotten book—but you have always remained clear. A fixture in the storm, a light in the suffocating darkness of those cold, empty halls.

He remembers the way you shielded him from the whispers of the other kids, the ones who recoiled from him like he was something diseased. He remembers the nights when the hunger clawed at his stomach, the way you’d slip half of your stale bread into his hands beneath the dinner table, never meeting his eyes but always pushing it toward him, whispering, Eat, please.

There were nights when the loneliness was unbearable—when the punishments from the headmaster left his body aching, when the weight of being unwanted sat like a lead weight on his chest. And then there was you, slipping through the cracks of his misery, curling up beside him under thin blankets, your forehead pressed to his shoulder, whispering stories of a life beyond the orphanage, a life where the two of you could be free.

“One day, Atsushi, we’ll leave this place together. We’ll have a real home. We’ll be happy.”

And maybe, in those moments, he let himself believe you. But then, life pulled you in different directions.

He was thrown into the world with nothing but the echoes of his past clinging to his ribs like ghosts. And you—you found your own way, carving a path outside of the orphanage, beyond the pain and fear that had once bound you both.

Yet, somehow, you never let go of him.

Even when he joined the ADA, even when he tried to convince himself that the past didn’t matter, that no one needed to remember him, you still did. Checking in, making sure he had someone to come home to, grounding him in a way that nothing else ever could.

And now, sitting beside you in the hush of his small apartment, a forgotten movie flickering on the television, it hits him. Like a thread finally pulled taut, like something that has been waiting—brewing—just beneath the surface, unnoticed until now.

The scent of buttered popcorn lingers in the air. The city hums beyond the window, indifferent to the quiet shift happening inside him.

You stretch slightly, shifting on the couch, your knee brushing against his, close in a way that has never felt unfamiliar. The soft fabric of your sweater slips from your shoulder, revealing a sliver of bare skin. It’s such a small thing, something that shouldn’t make his breath catch, but suddenly he feels everything.

“You’re zoning out,” you say, amused, nudging his arm. Atsushi blinks, throat dry. “Huh?” You tilt your head. “I said, if you didn’t want to watch this, we could’ve picked something else.”

“No, I—” He stops himself, swallows thickly. “It’s fine. I just… got lost for a second.”

Lost.

That’s a word for it.

Because now, everything about this moment feels like too much. The way you smile at the screen, the way you absently steal from his popcorn like it’s yours, the way you exist here, in his space, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Like you belong. And he wants that. Not just tonight. Not just sometimes.

He wants to wake up to the sound of your laughter, wants to come home knowing you’ll be there. He wants to live in this quiet, in this warmth, in this easy, thoughtless togetherness that no one else has ever given him. Because with you, it has never been about pity. It has never been about obligation, about repaying some invisible debt.

You have always just stayed. And maybe—maybe he should have realized it sooner. Maybe he should have known that the reason he never let go of you, even after leaving the orphanage, even after trying so hard to forget where he came from, was because you were always home.

“Atsushi?”

Your voice is softer now, laced with concern. He swallows, fingers clenching slightly against the fabric of his sweatpants. “Yeah?”

“You okay?”

No.

No, because his heart is beating too fast, and his head is too full of thoughts he isn’t ready to say out loud, and—and he’s in trouble.

Because this isn’t something fleeting. This isn’t something he can ignore. It’s in the way you’ve been woven into his past, in the way you’ve always been there, even when he thought no one else would be.

And it’s in the way he wants you in his future.

He exhales slowly, forcing himself to smile. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “I just…” His words trail off as he looks at you, really looks at you and suddenly, saying never mind feels like a betrayal. Because the words are there, thick in his throat, threatening to slip out.

But instead, he swallows them back, forcing a small chuckle. “Never mind. It’s nothing.” You raise an eyebrow, unconvinced, but you let it go, leaning back into the couch. “If you say so.”

Atsushi exhales, watching you, feeling the weight of his realization settle deep into his bones.

Maybe he’s not ready to say it.

But one day—one day soon—he will.

⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙

Ranpo had always known things before anyone else.

It wasn’t arrogance—just fact. He could pick apart a lie before it was spoken, unravel a mystery before the pieces were laid out, see the ending before the story even began.

So, really, it should have been obvious. But somehow, it wasn’t. Somehow, he’s only realizing it now—watching you from across the kitchen as you move around with practiced ease, the warm scent of freshly baked pastries filling the air.

-

He met you when he was still just a boy, before he knew what it meant to be the greatest detective, before Fukuzawa gave him a place to belong.

Back then, he had no patience for people who couldn’t keep up. The world was full of slow thinkers, people who needed explanations for things that should have been obvious. He was always two steps ahead, and everyone else just…wasn’t.

Then you came along.

You were new in town—just another face in a sea of ordinary ones. He wasn’t interested. But for whatever reason, you kept talking to him. Kept appearing in the little moments between his games, between the puzzles he set up for himself just to stay entertained.

He remembers the first time you challenged him, bold and unafraid.

“Bet you can’t guess what I have in my pocket.”

A ridiculous game. A waste of his time.

“Too easy,” he had scoffed, barely sparing you a glance. “It’s a piece of candy. You always keep something sweet with you. Probably strawberry-flavored. And you probably took two—one for now, one for later.”

Your face had lit up, more impressed than you should have been. Instead of getting annoyed, instead of being put off by how different he was, you grinned and held up the exact candy he’d described.

“Okay, maybe you are as smart as you say.”

And just like that, you kept showing up.

You never slowed him down. You never told him he was being too much. You just were there, walking beside him, keeping up with him in ways no one else ever had.

And when Fukuzawa took him in, you never left.

Maybe he should have realized it then—what that meant.

-

“Ranpo,” you call without looking up, setting out a plate of his favorite sweets, “if you don’t come eat these while they’re still warm, I’m feeding them to someone else.”

He gasps in mock offense. “What?! Betrayal! I thought we had something special!”

You roll your eyes. “Then get over here, drama king.”

And he does—because, well, he was going to anyway. But this time, he notices things.

The golden light from the setting sun catching on your hair. The way your lips quirk up when you’re waiting for his reaction, pretending not to care but still watching closely. The flour dusted on your cheek—so casual, so you, so…so his.

That thought lingers. Threads itself into something deeper, something he can’t quite name. His stomach flips—not from the food. Ranpo narrows his eyes at you. “Wait a second.” You glance up mid-bite, blinking. “What?”

He leans forward, elbows on the counter, scrutinizing you like a puzzle he should have solved ages ago. “You like me.” You choke. “Excuse me?”

He grins, delighted, pointing at you. “You like me. That’s why you bake for me, right? You want me to fall for you, huh?” You sputter, face turning red. “I bake for you because you’d starve otherwise, you idiot—”

“Ah-ha! So you do care.” He waggles his finger. “Caught you~” You groan, covering your face. “I hate you.”

“Nooo, you love me.” You throw a dish towel at him. “Eat your damn pastries, Ranpo.” He laughs, victorious, popping one into his mouth. But as he chews, he frowns slightly, staring at you again.

That weird flip in his stomach hasn’t gone away.

…That’s annoying.

Because now, he’s thinking about things he’s never really thought about before. Like what it would be like to come home to this every day—not just the food, but you. What it would be like to reach for your hand without thinking. What it would be like if you smiled at him the way you smile at those cheesy romance novels you swear you don’t read.

His heart does something stupid.

…Hah. That’s really annoying. He scowls at his pastry. And then, after a pause—

“…Hey.”

You sigh dramatically. “What now?”

He leans his chin on his hand, watching you with sharp green eyes, his smile softer than usual.

“Make these for me again tomorrow?”

You stare at him for a second—like you’re trying to figure out if he’s being serious. Then, finally, you roll your eyes, turning away—but not before he catches the way your lips twitch like you’re trying not to smile.

“…Yeah, yeah.”

Ranpo hums, taking another bite, letting the thought settle.

Yeah.

He could get used to this.

⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙

Dazai has never believed in permanence.

People leave. Promises break. Love fades like the last embers of a cigarette, nothing but smoke curling through empty air. He has always been fine with that—really, he has. Love was just another game, another meaningless indulgence he could slip in and out of as easily as a well-rehearsed lie. Something to entertain him for a while before the inevitable end.

And yet—yet you have always remained.

Not in the way most people do, orbiting in and out of his life like flickering streetlights, here one moment and gone the next. No, you are constant. Unwavering in ways that make his skin itch, in ways he refuses to acknowledge for too long because that would mean something, and Dazai is not the kind of man who wants things that last. But now—now he’s watching you fold his laundry.

And it hits him like a gunshot to the ribs.

-

He met you when he was fifteen.

It was an accident—one of those strange moments where the universe places someone in your path with no warning, no reason, and no way to take it back.

Odasaku had been the one to bring you around, mentioning something about a stray kid who needed a place to stay for a while. Soft-hearted bastard, Dazai had thought at the time, amused but uninterested. People like that didn’t last in the Port Mafia.

But then—then you had looked at him.

Not with fear, not with calculation, not even with admiration. Just a glance, assessing, steady, like you could see through the sharp edges he had carefully built around himself. Like you saw something else in him.

And for the first time in his life, Dazai felt like he had no idea what someone was thinking.

He should have left it at that—should have let you remain just another passing figure in the endless cycle of faces that blurred together in his memory.

But you stayed.

Even when he was cruel, even when he was impossible, even when he threw words like knives just to see if you would flinch—you stayed.

“You don’t belong here,” he had told you once, fingers curling around the rim of his glass, voice edged with something he wouldn’t name.

“And you do?” you had shot back, unimpressed. The corner of his lips had twitched.

Maybe that’s when it started.

-

Now?

Now you sit cross-legged on the floor, sleeves pushed up, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt before folding it into a neat little square. It’s such a simple thing. Something insignificant. And yet—something about it makes his breath catch.

He’s used to people taking care of him, but not like this. Not in a way that is so casual, so thoughtless, like you don’t even realize you’re doing it. Like it’s just natural to you. You glance up, noticing his stare.

“What?”

He leans against the doorframe, smirking, hiding the way his fingers twitch at his sides. “Oh, nothing~ Just admiring how adorable you look playing house.”

You roll your eyes, tossing a balled-up sock at him. “Brat.”

He catches it effortlessly, laughing, but the sound is hollow in his ears. Because suddenly, something in him is unraveling. There’s a shift—a slow, creeping realization curling around his ribs, tightening, constricting. It’s not just the laundry. It’s not just the way you move around his apartment like you belong there.

It’s everything.

The way you remember exactly how he takes his coffee. The way you always have a spare bandage in your bag, just in case. The way you let him be himself—not Dazai, the detective, not Dazai, the former mafia executive, not Dazai, the man with too many ghosts clawing at his skin—but just Dazai. The way you never ask for more than he’s willing to give, yet somehow, he wants to give you everything.

That thought is terrifying. Because permanence is not something he has ever wanted. And yet—yet the idea of you not being here, not sitting in his space, not filling the quiet gaps of his life with something warm, something unbearably real—

That is worse. Far worse. He swallows, the weight of it sitting heavy in his chest, sinking into his bones. This isn’t a game. This isn’t something he can slip out of when it becomes inconvenient. This is something he wants. And for the first time in his life, Dazai doesn’t know what to do with that.

You glance up again, catching the shift in his expression, and your brow furrows slightly. “What’s wrong?” The words are there. Sitting on his tongue, thick and aching.

Stay.

Don’t leave.

I think I—

But instead, he flashes a grin, effortlessly slipping back into the role he knows best. “If I say you, will you kiss me?” You scoff. “In your dreams.” He pouts dramatically, but it’s just for show.

Because the truth is—

He will dream of you tonight.

And for the first time, he doesn’t think he’ll mind.

⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙

[orcasoul]

Broken Part 1

Summary: Din is on the brink of death. The only way to save him is to remove his helmet. Surely he'll understand and forgive you... right?

Warnings: swearing, description of injuries, angst, established relationship, use of Y/N.

A/N: this one has been on my mind for ages and I couldn't wait any longer. I'm a huge sucker for angst, so I hope I've got this just right.

Word Count: 5,174

"Just... a little further. We're almost... there!" Your knees feel about ready to buckle as the Razor Crest comes into view. "Din! Din, no!..." Din's heavy frame slumps from your shoulder, pulling you to the ground with him. "You... argh... you gotta get up." He's still, terrifyingly still. You press the button on Din's vambrace to lower the ramp and with your waning strength, pull the unconscious bounty hunter across the muddy ground and up the ramp, the desperation to save him overriding the burn of your exhausted muscles.

With a last tug at his wrists, you manage to drag him away from the ramp and further into the belly of the ship, immediately pressing the button to close it. You're not taking any chances. "Din? Din, can you hear me?" You shake his shoulders roughly, hoping the momentum will rouse him. Nothing. But at least he's still breathing. A little wail emanates from the sleeping bunk before the door whooses open, revealing a very worried and frightened Grogu.

In an instant, Grogu is at Din's side, having used the force to propel himself across the hull. "It's okay, buddy. He'll be okay." You don't know who you're trying to convince, him or yourself. Grogu murmurs anxiously, his large ears drooping as he places a tiny hand on Din's helmet. Without another moment to lose, you begin to strip Din of his armour, checking for injuries. There are plenty of cuts and bruises, maybe some bruised ribs, but the injuries don't appear to be severe enough to render him unconscious. "Din!" you shout louder this time "Ner Karta, please wake up."

Your frantic heartbeat thumps against your ribs, threatening to break through at any minute. You're at a loss at what to do. That's when you notice it; a sight that makes your blood run cold! A slowly oozing trickle of deep crimson, pooling on the floor by Din's helmet. "No, No, no, no," you shudder as you carefully slide your fingers under the lip of the helmet at the back of Din's head. Your stomach plummets when your fingers meet a warm and sticky substance. Blood! Din's blood!

On hands and knees, you scramble across the floor to a nearby crate, searching frantically until you find the medkit. You rush back to Din's side and with trembling hands, open the medkit and retrieve the Bacta spray. You momentarily freeze when you realise what you must now do. There's nothing else for it. To save Din's life you have to remove his helmet. A barrage of thoughts invade your mind at the same time; would Din be angry? Would he hate you? Would you hate yourself for breaking his creed? Would he understand? Would he forgive you?

Time is of the essence now, every precious second bleeding away, along with Din's life. You have to do it. You have no choice, consequences be damned! You're not about to let the man you love die, even if he does hate you afterwards. You'll accept his wrath if it means he's alive. You set the Bacta spray down beside you and take a deep breath. "I'm so sorry," you whisper regretfully, and with a heavy heart, you gently lift the helmet up with one hand while supporting the back of Din's head with the other.

The helmet rolls away from you with a clunk. Brown curls fall backwards from the most beautifully sculpted face you've ever laid eyes on. Patchy, greying scruff decorating a perfectly chiseled jaw, a strong aquiline nose that suits him so well and plush lips... He really is stunning! So much so, that you're taken aback. But you snap yourself out of it. There's no time to lose! You grab the bacta spray and roll Din onto his side to get to the wound. Your breath hitches in your chest and you spray slowly, making sure to liberally apply the treatment.

You're probably using more than necessary, thinking back to how Din would often scold you for wasting the valuable resource when you've patched him up before. But this is literally Din's life in your hands. You'll exhaust the whole supply if you have to. The affects are almost instantaneous. You breathe a sigh of relief as the bleeding ceases and the damaged tissue begins to repair itself. Grogu looks up at you with expectant eyes. "He'll be okay, sweety," you soothed, while stroking Grogu's ear, comfortingly. "Mmm..." Grogu looks back to his dad, sadly.

Once you're satisfied with the progress of the Bacta spray you unwind a sterile bandage, cautiously wrapping it over the wound and around Din's head, trying not to jostle him too much. You then shift your attention to the many cuts and scrapes littering his body, making sure to disinfect every abrasion you see. There's no way you can lift him off the floor so you fetch a pillow from your shared bunk to place under his head and drape a blanket over him. It's not much but it'll have to suffice. With the adrenaline now subsiding, exhaustion begins to sweep over your body and mind, causing you to fall back on your arse, rather un-gracefully, and catch your breath.

You hadn't noticed just how much you'd been shaking this whole time. With controlled breaths your heart rate slowly returns to normal. Grogu waddles over to you with outstretched arms. Poor little guy needs some reassurance. Your maternal instinct has you reaching for him but you stop as you notice the drying blood on your hands. "Hold on, buddy," you say, gently, then rush to the fresher to wash away the blood and horrors staining your hands. Sitting down next to Din, you scoop Grogu into your lap, cradling his head in your chest, while humming a soothing melody to calm him. "Your dad's a fighter, kid. He'll come back from this," Please, you silently beg to whoever might be listening.

All you can do now is wait. Wait for Din to wake, wait for everything to make sense again. Hopefully he won't be furious. Surely he'd understand there was no other way. Even now it feels wrong to look at his face, the very act being sacrilegious to his people. But it's too soon to put his helmet back on. The wound needs more time to heal. Guilt starts to take root the longer you think about what this now means. What you've taken from Din cannot be easily undone. Because of your actions, he is now technically an apostate. He will be cast out of Mandalorian society, exiled in disgrace and it's all because of you.

But what was the alternative? Let him die? Let Grogu lose his dad? Live with the knowledge you could have saved him, but refused? No! It's unthinkable. You know in your heart, you've made the right decision. You just hope Din will see it that way, too. You're not sure how much time has passed, or how long you and Grogu have been asleep, when you are startled awake by a low moan. Grogu stirs in your lap as you sit up from the wall you were slumped against. An equal amount of relief and dread consume you. He's okay, he's waking... But how will he react to the violation of his creed?

"Din?" you gulped, nervously. Din lets out another grumble as his head turns in your direction. You clutch a now awakened Grogu tighter to your chest, apprehension swirling in your stomach. You feel sick! You bite your lower lip, waiting for his eyes to open, for the inevitable realisation to dawn on him. Slowly Din's eyelids lift and you are met with rich, chocolate brown eyes, eyes you would happily let yourself drown in, if it weren't for the look of abject horror and betrayal staring back at you. "Wh... what have you DONE?!!" Din exploded, his face turning red with rage and his eyes filling with tears.

You're frozen to the spot, eyes wide, voice lodged in your throat, refusing to co operate. He's furious, of course he is. "I..." your voice fails as your throat constricts in panic. Between Din's shocked gaze and Grogu's little whimper, you somehow find your voice. "I'm so sorry, Cyare. I had to. You... you were bleeding." Desperation to make Din understand claws at you. "It was the only way to save-" "No!" If looks could kill, you would be dead this very second. "It was NOT the only way," Din seethed, staring daggers at you, "You didn't have to remove my helmet. You chose to do it!" You can't believe what you're hearing.

"But you would have died!" Tears gather at your lash line at the thought. "Better to die a Mandalorian than live as an apostate," Din snapped as he sat up, clutching the back of his head. His eyes frantically dart around the hull, searching for his helmet. He reaches for it but you reach for his arm to stop him. "You can't. You're still healing-" "Don't!" Din recoiled from your touch as if you'd burned him. You heart drops like a stone to your stomach. You've never seen Din so angry, so hurt, his face portraying the image of a man who has lost it all. And you did that. You took away his sacred creed and left him with the ashes. The hiss of the helmet fills the tense air as Din places it back on, the familiar T- shape in front of you once again.

Only it's directed to your lap, where Grogu sits, looking with uncertainty between you both. "Patu," he murmured, while reaching out for Din. Din gently takes Grogu into his arms, his heaving chest and taut shoulders relaxing slightly. "I'm okay, pal," Din soothed, trying to calm his foundling, but you can hear the strain in his voice as he now fights to keep his emotions at bay, no doubt for Grogus' sake. Din stands on shaky legs, your first instinct is to help him up, but you stop just short of touching him, unsure if your help will be welcomed. Without so much as a glance in your direction, Din heads to the ladder with Grogu tucked into his chest. "Din? Cyare wait, we have to talk about this-" "Just!..." Din raises his hand to stop your words, his back still facing you. "just stop," he sighs despondently. "I can't look at you right now." Tears sting your eyes as you watch him ascend the ladder, locking himself and Grogu in the cockpit, away from you.

Din sat in quiet dispair, trying to come to terms with his new reality. One where he is now an apostate... again. Sure, he had removed his helmet to save Grogu when he'd been abducted by Moff Gideon and to say goodbye, but that was his call, his decision to make. By removing his helmet, you'd taken away his choice, his creed, his very identity. You should have let him die an honourable death. Of course, redemption is possible but that doesn't change the fact that you betrayed him. He had trusted you, opened up to you and believed that you respected his creed and his way of life.

The longer he sat contemplating, the angrier he became. How could she! he thought bitterly. Not only had you dishonored the very foundation of who he is, you had also inadvertently destroyed the close bond you'd both built over the past year. He doesn't even know who you are anymore. To have done what you've done... how can he ever forgive you? His helmet suddenly feels too restrictive, too suffocating. Din pulled his helmet off with one hand while still holding Grogu close, and set it down on his lap, staring bleakly into the pitch black visor.

Until he can atone, this helmet will serve as a reminder of what has been lost. "Mmm..." Grogu tilted his head as if to ask 'are you alright?' Din exhaled, long and deep and looked at his son with a thin lipped smile, his face reflecting back to him in the childs' large, glossy eyes, the only eyes that are, by creed, permitted to look upon his face. "I'll be okay," he whispered softly, "I'll make this right." He can find forgiveness in the living waters, that part is simple enough - well maybe simple isn't the right word. He still has to live with the fact that he has grievously sinned against the creed. Even the living waters can't wash that truth away - but how can you both move forward from this? Is it even possible?

A dull, throbbing pain pulses through Dins' temples, causing him to groan and lean his forehead into his palm, his elbow resting on the armrest. He needs to calm down. He needs to think with a cool head. Grogu yawns and snuggles into Dins' stomach. "Okay you little womp rat, time for bed," Din smiled as he tucked Grogu into the crook of his elbow. After securing his helmet, Din makes his way down the ladder and into the hull, where he finds you sitting with your back pressed against the wall. His heart physically aches at the sight of your red rimmed eyes and blotchy face. You look as though you're about to say something, but he hasn't got the energy for this right now. All he wants to do is settle the kid in his hammock and rock him to sleep. So Din quickly opens the bunk door, disappearing inside.

The dim light of the hull reflects your sombre mood as you listen to Din's modulated voice, muffled by the closed door, speaking softly to Grogu. Most of the time you and Din would say goodnight to him together, every bit the picture of a happy family. But now you are shut out, physically and metaphorically, and it hurts, maker it hurts so much. You are only meters away but it might as well be the length of the entire galaxy. A short while later the door slides open and Din slowly walks out, keeping his steps light as to not wake Grogu. He turns to you for a moment, seemingly unsure of what he wants to do next. He takes a step towards you but then stops. Sighing, he turns on his heel and retreats to the cockpit once again.

Your heart sinks and lungs deflate in crushing disappointment. You can't stand it anymore. If Din won't talk to you then you'll talk to him. You bring the sleeve of your top to wipe your face - not that it'll make a difference to your puffy eyes and reddened cheeks - and steeling yourself, you make your way to the cockpit. The silence is deafening, oppressive, brutal. You gingerly sit in the co-pilots' chair, fiddling nervously with the hem of your top. Din remains motionless, staring out of the window, shoulders strung tighter than a bow. You feel invisible and you hate it. With a steady breath, you break the silence.

"Din, we have to talk about what happened." Din still doesn't look at you. "There's nothing to talk about," Din retaliated, the coldness of his tone sending shivers down your spine, "What's done is done!" You shake your head. "Please believe me when I say I didn't make this decision lightly. It was the only way to save your life. What else could I have done?" The tears threaten your eyes again as you try desperately to make Din understand. "You could have let me die an honourable death." An incredulous huff forced it's way up your throat. "How could you expect me to do that? Listen to what you're asking? Would you have let me die if I were injured?! "That's different," Din retorted, annoyance building on his voice.

"How?!" You're so close to clawing at your eyes in frustration. "Because you're not Mandalorian!" Din's booming outburst had you shrinking back in your seat, his large frame now towering over you, making you feel exposed and vulnerable. You know Din would never hurt you, no matter how angry he got, but at the same time you've never felt so small, so helpless. Is this how his bounties feel under his intimidating gaze? Din seemed to notice your unease, immediately unclenching his balled up fists and taking a step back to give you some space. After a moment of silent staring, he shakes his head and simply states, "You'll never understand."

That was a low blow! You've always respected Dins' creed, his way of life. Never asked him to go against it and never judged him like so many other's have. It's a part of him and you love all of him. Fear and despair have now given way to anger. "Maybe you're right," you glowered, "I'll never understand because if it comes down to chosing between the creed and your life, I'd chose you everytime. I love you too much to just let you die for an ideal." "And you think being an apostate is any better?" It's like talking to a fucking brick wall! How could he not see the impossible situation you'd been placed in?

"I don't know what else to say, Din..." you sigh, your shoulders slumping in defeat, "I'm sorry it's come to this, but I'm not sorry for saving your life." "Then there's nothing more to say," Din clarified with finality, sitting back down and turning to the window again. Silent tears run down your cheeks as you leave the cockpit and join Grogu in the bunk.

When you wake the next morning the bunk is empty, cold. Even though you were certain Din wouldn't have joined you last night, disappointment weighs heavily on your heart. A part of you had hoped he would calm down and come to you. You rub the sleep from your eyes and sit up with a groan, dreading the tension that will, no doubt, still be rife. "Morning, buddy..." you cooed, gently as you stood on the mattress to wake Grogu. Your brows scrunch in confusion at the empty hammock. Din must have come in to get him while you were still asleep.

Stepping into the hull, you hear babbling from Grogu in the cockpit, followed by the occasional chuckle from Din. A flicker of hope ignites within. Maybe now he's had time to cool off, you can both talk reasonably and calmly. Maybe not all is lost? However that flicker is soon doused when you walk into the cockpit and see Din's posture turn rigid, his chair not even turning so he can acknowledge your presence. The air turns icy and heavy with friction as you take a seat. "Good morning..." you offer, meekly. "Morning." Din's monotone reply confirms that he's still upset.

"Patu," Grogu smiled as he patted your leg to pick him up. You couldn't be more grateful for the distraction right now. "And good morning to you, baby," you grin as you scoop him up and place him in your lap. "You two strap in," Din orders as he fires up the engines. "Where are we going?" You bring the seat belt around yourself and Grogu. "Sorgon." Din's clipped tone is like a knife to your heart. It's the same tone he'd used when he'd first employed you two years ago, when you were both still adjusting to each others' company.

Now you realise how you've taken his caring tone, his laugh, his tenderness for granted. It feels a million miles away now. You swallow the lump in your throat and give Grogu your full attention, feigning cheery laughter while trying to ignore the 'bantha in the room' the whole way to Sorgon. The Razor Crest descends into the atmosphere, the blackness of space giving way to a dazzling blue, causing you to squint and shield your eyes. You've always liked Sorgon, visiting several times with Din over the years.

The simple, peaceful way of life is so unlike most worlds you've visited, and with that simplicity comes a tight knit community. One who always welcomes you with open arms. You've even made a few friends here, your closet one being Omera. Grogu bounces excitedly on your lap as the ship touches down on the outskirts of the small village, no doubt ecstatic at the prospect of seeing his friends again, especially Winta. "I know, I know..." you chuckle fondly, placing a kiss on Grogu's head.

Din shuts down the engines and without a word or even a glance in your direction, he leaves the cockpit. The harsh treatment makes you want to cry, but in an effort to shield the kid from any more tension you plaster on your best fake smile. "Ready to see your friends, sweetie?" Din lowered the ramp and was instantly greeted by a handful of locals, eager to welcome back the man who gave them back their home and dignity when the Klatooinian bootleggers attacked them.

He shook hands and accepted enthusiastic slaps on the back. He looked to where you stood, embraced in Omera's arms. Winta had already claimed Grogu, the two of them heading off to play with the other kids. The sight of his son playing with the other children warmed Din's heart, but that content, fuzzy feeling soon faded when his gaze fell back on you. Dread and sorrow wash over him, choking him, knowing what he has to do. Din turns to one of the men, lowering his voice. "Please, I need to speak to the village elders."

Din felt like the worst person in the galaxy as he discussed your future with the council, all the while you remained completely unaware of the real reason he'd brought you here. He'd been reassured you'd have a place here, a safe community to call home. Even through the anger and hurt, he had to know you'd be safe, protected. And since the defeat of the Klatooinian's, sorgon had become a peaceful planet again. He couldn't imagine a safer place for you to start over. Now all that's left to do is to break the news to you.

The ache in Din's chest grew stronger as he walked through the village looking for you. It didn't take him long to spot you, sitting by a fire with two other women you'd become friendly with. Din could tell you were wearing a forced smile by how it didn't reach your eyes. When your gaze locked with his, your smile faltered, replaced with a look of deep remorse and longing. Din sighed wearily and walked over to where Grogu was happily frolicking about with other kids. Again, guilt gnawed away at him as he thought about how hard this is going to be on Grogu. In time, he'll understand, hopefully.

Din catches sight of Omera and makes his way over to her. "Hi," Omera smiled. "Can I speak with you? It's important." Omera's smile dropped slightly, her face taking on a more serious countenance. "Of course," she replied. Din shifted uncomfortably, unused to asking for favours. This is the second time today. "Could you do something for me?" Omera raised an eyebrow in intrigue, waiting for Din to continue. "Would you look after Y/N? She... she's going to need a friend now, more than ever." " What do you mean?" Omera asked, clearly confused. "We're leaving, me and the kid... and Y/N is staying here... permanantly."

Omera glanced over her shoulder to you, then turned back to Din. "Is everything okay with you two?" Din looked down and placed his hands on his hips. "No." He shook his head before raising it again. "I can't explain right now, but, please, promise me you'll look out for her." Omera's face softened. "Of course I will. She's my friend." Din felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, albeit a small one, compared to the weight he'll have to bare for the rest of his life; the weight of breaking your heart and leaving you alone in the galaxy.

But what else was there to do? Nothing could ever be the same between you both again. This is for the best... at least that's what he keeps telling himself. "Thank you," Din replied with a twinge of sadness in his voice. "That... means a lot to me." He patted Omera on the arm in gratitude before making his way over to where Grogu was playing. "Time to go, pal," Din cooed as he bent down to pick Grogu up. "Say goodbye to your friends." Grogu waved as the other kids bade him farewell.

You could tell something was wrong when Omera sat beside you, her normally soft and calm mien now absent. In it's place, concern and worry clouded her features. But before you could ask her if she's okay, Din appeared before you. It's the first time he's acknowledged you since this morning. "Would you come with me for a minute?" The gentle tone of his voice and outstretched hand made your tummy flutter in anticipation. Without a second thought, you took Din's hand and stood up. But the little hope that gesture had given you was dashed when Din immediately released your hand, and you had to fight against the anguish his absent touch left in it's wake.

You silently follow Din to the Razor Crest, stopping at the edge of the ramp. "Are we leaving already?" you ask disappointedly. Din remains silent while he turns around to pick up a bag off the ramp. He holds it out for you and sighs, "I am... you're staying here." And just like that your whole world has come crashing down around you. Din's words are a punch to you gut, stealing your breath away. "What do you mean I'm staying here?!" Your voice wobbled as your veins ran cold. "I mean..." Din set his shoulders and took a deep breath, "This... us..." he gestured between you both, "it's over." Shock has you rooted to the ground. Icy chills prickle over your skin, nausea sweeping through you.

"You... you can't be serious! Din, we have to talk about this. You can't just go making rash decisions like this, please!" Your imploring eyes search Din's visor, hoping to detect even a fraction of hesitation behind it, but you find nothing but unnerving calmness. "I'm not making a rash decision," Din replied almost emotionlessly, pushing your bag of belongings into your hands, "I thought about it all last night and it's the right thing to do." "Look, I know you're upset with me but please just take a minute to -" "I don't need a minute!" Din snapped, his patience wearing thin.

Tears burn your eyes, the lump in your throat causing your voice to quiver. "But I don't understand," you begin, willing your tears to remain where they are, but your resolve is cracking with every passing second. You have to make him see how ridiculous this is! "You broke the creed once to save Grogu and you attoned. Can't you do that again?" "Of course I can," Din answered through gritted teeth. "Then... what's the problem?!" Your voice has now risen in pitch, despite your best efforts to de-escalate the tension. "The problem is you!" Your mouth snaps shut and eyes widen in response to Din's sharp words. Words lined with a razor edge, cutting straight to your core. "You didn't just break the creed Y/N, you broke my trust! The creed can be restored, my trust in you can't."

Words have now completely abandoned you, numbness slowly consuming you as you let Din's truth sink in. You now realise just how much you've hurt him. 'I thought you understood me, respected how my religion is absolute. I can't..." Din shook his head, his voice shuddering as he continued, "I can't trust you ever again. I feel like I don't even know who you are anymore." "Please..." you whimper as your tears begin to fall freely. "please don't do this. Don't leave me. I love you and I know you love me." "I do," Din agreed without hesitation. "Then we can get passed this." You reach for Din's hand but he pulls away. "No." he takes a few steps back, "Love isn't enough."

"So, what?..." you yell as your heartbreak turns into anger, "You're just gonna leave me here, after everything we've been through? You're just gonna to throw it all away like it meant nothing?!" "This is the way," Din responded, robotically, as if he's no longer a living, feeling organism. Fury welled up in your chest, until you were trembling with rage. "Fuck the way!" you exploded, wanting in the moment to wound Din as he has you, but regretting it simultaneously. Din visibly stiffened at your blasphemous insult, his fists clenching at his sides.

"I couldn't lose you Din. I saved your life and I'm not sorry. I'll never be sorry." A silence settles between you both before Din sighs and responds, "I know... I'm sorry, Cyar'ika." Din Turns to walk away but you grab his arm, spinning him to face you. "Wait! Where's Grogu?" Your eyes dart to the ramp in search of him. "He's in the ship." "You were just going to take him away from me?!..." you gasped, hand on your chest as if the action would lesson the intensifying ache, "Without letting me see him." "It's for the best. Saying goodbye will only upset him," Din spoke, now devoid of emotion, "Please don't make this harder than it has to be."

In that moment your heart shattered completely, the shards ripping you apart from the inside. They say love hurts, but that is an understatement. This raw agony feels like it might just be the end of you. "Please!" you now beg, tears streaming down your face, "He's my son too. Don't take him away from me! He'll think I abandoned him." "He'll understand.... in time." Despite Din's persistence, he seems conflicted, like he's fighting himself on his decision, like underneath all that Beskar he's hurting as much as you.

"Please Din! Please don't do this!. Don't leave me!" you sob loudly as you fall to your knees, clutching your abdomen as if to comfort yourself. Seeing you in distress is unbearable to Din, but what makes it worse is that he's the cause of said distress. He Automatically takes a step towards you, hands outstretched, seeking to hold you but he stops himself and regains his rigid posture. "I'm sorry," he mutters as he quickly spins on his heel and storms up the ramp.

The rising Crest wobbles in your tear filled eyes as it ascends into the sky, heaving breathes causing violent hiccups to rip through your airways, as you watch your family disappear forever. In your distraught state you don't notice a pair of arms wrapping around your shoulders. It's only when your head is gently pulled into a warm chest, that you realise Omera is holding you as your whole life falls apart.

Part 2

[mistleaneous-chaos]

How Shadow Of The Erdtree Portrays Hate, and The Tragedy of trying to Escape

Elden Ring Spoilers(Hey! Been a while since i did this)

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I’ve gotten further into the DLC and this might just be one of the best stories of how Hatred is just a cycle that repeats which consumes innocent people in its wake.

This DLC has done so much to make us understand why Marika did the things she did. She lived in a peaceful village, only for people she loved and cared about to be taken and put into jars. And why is that? Because their bodies meld well with others, something she can’t control since she was just born with it.

And so she becomes the new God of the Lands Between, imposing her new order onto others, and having her own son be the one to lead it. But when the fire fades and the ash settles, the one who suffers of the two of them is Messmer. She leaves him in the Shadow Realm because he doesn’t fit in her new order, representing so much of what is considered “Sinful”. And he is left alone, because of something he can’t control since he was born with it.

And then, as years pass and she makes a family again, she has twins! She can finally begin to rebuild, to move on from the hatred she felt!… except, she can’t. Because of the fact that her children have horns, just as her oppressors did. And so do multiple families in the Lands Between, with this seemingly “cursed” blood spreading, she has a choice to make.

Let go of the hate, try to accept her sons and the Omens.

Or hold onto it, persecute them, cut off their horns, and drop them into the sewers, out of sight out of mind.

We know what she picked.

And it’s this hatred that sparka another ambition just like hers. Mohg.

Imagine you’re Mohg. You have no family save for your brother. You live in the sewers while only ever being able to watch the outside world with happy familes and children with parents who love them. But all the while, what do you have? Nothing. All because of something you can’t control because you were born with it.

And so you decide to build your own order. Away from it all. Your brother wants no part, he clings to the hope of being accepted by that damn tree. But it’s fine.

You take some of the other Omens with you, and get to work. You even have help from an Outer God, so higher powers must want you to succeed! Others shave their horns but not you, no you proudly grow them out, even if it impedes your vision, because they are a part of you.

You take in all kinds, Humans, Omens, even Albinaurics, who had no home before. You give your fellow Omens real clothes, regal clothes. They’ve never had clothes after all, so don’t they deserve the best? You build and you build and eventually you have a beautiful part of the Underground to yourselves, you did it, you’ve won!

Mohg could have broken from the cycle, stayed in Mohgwyn, as he did even when chaos reigned above. People were strong under him, and had a home even if they were shunned in other places.

But that choice was taken from him.

Miquella used him to accomplish his own goal of godhood, robbing him of his own agency. Just like his brothers, Mohg was used by his family, but unlike the others, he wasn’t even aware of it. No matter how far he ran, no matter how much he tried to cut himself off from it. The hatred of his mother reached him, in the form of someone else using him to break away from the consequences of it.

Now I’m not saying Mohg was perfect. His group was no less sadistic than some of the others in the lands between.

But he was robbed of a dream, and told it was never his to have.

[eringobragh420]

➔ Pairing — Damian Priest ❤︎ f!Reader ➔ Summary — Damian’s girlfriend and Rhea have a deep hatred for one another, leaving Damian in the middle to referee. ➔ Word Count — 1.5k ➔ Warnings — NSFW. Overstimulation, unprotected p in v, cum 18+ ➔ Notes — Spanish translations are at the end of the story provided by Google Translate. Thank you so much to @miss-kuki-nz for being my muse. ➔ Taglist — If you’d like to be added, please click here! ➔ Requested By — @twistedprincess-92. Hope you enjoy! ➔ Support — Buy me a coffee! ☕ ➔ MASTERLIST, KINK LIST

“I am so tired of this bullshit,” Damian complained, unlocking the front door to his and his girlfriend’s home. He shoved it open, and no matter how angry he was, the man never forgot his manners, so he motioned for the tiny woman beside him to enter ahead of him.

Had she not been absolutely livid at the moment, she’d have swooned, as she was prone to doing, but as the situation stood, there would definitely be no swooning this time. “You and me both, babe,” she hissed as she passed him.

Damian slammed the door and locked it before stomping after her into the living room. He watched as she kicked her heels off and doffed her leather jacket, tossing it carelessly to the couch. She crossed her arms, and he knew it was going to be a long night. “You’re acting like you’re the one that should be mad right now,” he said, motioning in her direction.

“Are you saying I’m not?” she asked evenly, brows in her hairline, and it was that perfectly held-together tone that gave Damian an ominous chill down his spine.

“Yeah, I’m saying you’re not. I’m the one that has to referee his girlfriend and his best friend every damn time we go out somewhere.”

“Oh, poor you,” his girlfriend spat. “At least you’re not the one getting called a golddigger!”

“She did not call you a golddigger.”

“Wait, no, you’re right. What she said was you’re just like all the rest. Like the girl you dated before me who spent all your money.”

“She’s just looking out for me.”

“Well, Damian, which is it? Did she not say it or is she protecting a six-foot-five grown ass man who can take care of himself?”

Damian’s hands came to his head but they dropped quickly. “You both literally want the same thing. I don’t understand any of this.”

“Maybe we do want the same thing, but she’s the one being a bitch about it.”

“Oh, great. Next you’re gonna tell me she’s the one that started it.”

“Actually, she did.”

Damian’s eyes went to the ceiling. He couldn’t believe they were having this argument again. It had been almost a year since he’d introduced the love of his life to his best friend, and ever since that day, he hadn’t had a moment’s peace. Maybe the two women were simply too alike and would consequently never get along. So where did that leave him? He refused to choose between them, and he refused to allow them to bully him into choosing between them. Had they reached an impasse? Was this just supposed to be his life now? And when the couple inevitably got married, was Rhea not going to be invited?

“And what if I just say I’m done with it?” he suddenly asked, turning his head to look at his girlfriend.

She stared at him. “What does that mean?”

Damian sighed. “Never mind.”

“You wanna be done with me?”

“I didn’t say—“

“The hell you didn’t. I’m not in Rhea’s cool book, so you’re just gonna toss me aside?”

“You’re not lis—”

“Fuck you, Damian.”

His brows rose and he nodded. “Fuck me?”

“Fuck you.”

She stomped past him, glaring the whole way, and it was clear she didn’t want to be followed, nor did he particularly want to follow her. He knew the door slam was coming, but he still jumped just the same as he removed his jacket, dropping it over the back of the couch before he fell onto the cushions with a heavy sigh. He scrubbed his hands over his face, grabbed the remote, and turned on the television knowing full well he wasn’t interested in watching anything.

He was all threats, and she knew it. He wasn’t going to break up with her, and he wasn’t going to sever ties with Rhea, either. He would live with it, he supposed, like he had been, spending the rest of his life hoping things would change. In the meantime, he’d have to keep them separated. Like children.

“Damian?”

Damian stirred, clearing his throat, and his eyes slowly blinked open. He must have fallen asleep at some point as he was now prone on the couch, one boot on the cushion, the other on the floor. Had he heard his name in a dream? He sat up, yawning, and arched his back to work out the kinks.

“Papí?” his girlfriend called again from upstairs.

“Yeah, babe?” he replied, looking over his shoulder toward the staircase.

“Will you please come to bed?”

He smirked. Yeah, he was gonna live with it. He loved her too damn much. “I’m on my way.” He pulled his phone from his pocket to check the time, discovering a message from Rhea.

I love you, twin. I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better.

Damian’s smile only grew and his heart swelled, but then realized his girlfriend hadn’t been the first one to apologize. Did that bother him? Did it really matter? He could build on this. Light at the end of the tunnel. He turned the TV off before climbing the stairs and made his way down the corridor toward their bedroom. The door was open and the lights were off save for the nightlight near the bed on her side—she’d never admitted to it, but she had at least a slight fear of the dark. She was in bed, under the blankets, facing him, the azure hue from the nightlight painting her face in blues and shadows. Damian took his clothes off and crawled under the blankets behind her, pulling her naked body to his. That distended heart of his promised to pop, as his girlfriend cuddled back into him, rubbing her ass against his cock, moaning when his arms wrapped around her.

“I’m sorry, baby,” she mumbled. “You’re right. I’ve been a jerk. Rhea and I can figure this out.”

Damian’s grin could have lit up the entire room. They are just alike. He kissed her neck softly, attacking her spots as his hand drifted along her body. She squirmed when he cupped her breast, rocking her hips against his. “I know you will,” he growled, omitting the text from Rhea. “Because you’re wonderful.” He pinched an already hard nipple, ripping a groan from deep in her throat. “And you’re perfect.” His stiffening cock thrust against the crack of her ass, and she reached back to clutch his hip over the blankets. “And you’re so fucking sexy.”

She giggled. “You sweet-talker.”

“Mhmmm,” Damian mumbled, nibbling on her earlobe. His warm hand slid from her breast, the pads of his fingers skating along her abdomen, and she lifted her leg so those fingers could slip into her dampening pussy.

“Fuck,” she whined, tightening her thighs around his hand as she rode his digits. “Shouldn’t this be the other way around?” she breathed. “I’m the one that screwed up.”

“That makes me right,” Damian boasted, “which means I get what I want. And this is what I want.” His middle finger slid inside her, her hips bucking to accept and bring him deeper. “I’m gonna make you cum at least three times before I even fuck that pussy.”

And he made good on his word, working her over with his fingers until she was trembling beside him not once, not twice, but three times, and by the third time, his girlfriend was a sobbing, quivering, begging-for-mercy mess. She almost protested when Damian began to slide his stiff manhood inside her, and maybe she did a little, but her objection was weak and unconvincing. His hand on her thigh lifted her leg in the air, she pivoted her hips, and her pussy sucked him deeper within her, Damian groaning.

“God, I can’t,” she all but wept, “I can’t, I can’t.” She repeated the words in time with Damian’s pumps, and he nuzzled her neck with tender kisses.

“Yes, you can,” Damian panted. “You’re doing so good. You can take just a little bit more.” He placed her leg gently on top of its twin, tightening her already impossibly tight cunt, and he squeezed her hip before thrusting into her. “That’s it,” he whispered, watching with wild eyes as his girlfriend fisted the sheets and bit down on the pillowcase, “take it for Papí.”

His girlfriend lurched, strangled sounds escaping her lips as her pussy pulsed around him. And that was enough to send Damian over the edge. He pressed his face to her hair and emptied himself inside her, his hips stuttering, pounding, pausing, thrusting again. After several moments, he tried to pull out, but she grabbed hold of him anyway she could, and that’s where he stayed.

“Don’t even think about moving for at least the next five to seven hours.”

Damian chuckled. “Little sensitive?”

His girlfriend scoffed. “You would be too if you just came three times in a row.”

“Oh, you didn’t cum while we were fucking? Let me fix that.”

Her grip on him tightened. “Don’t even think about it. I swear, I don’t even know what Rhea and I are fighting about. I’m the one that needs protection from you.”

Damian laughed again. “I love you, mi vida.”

“I love you … jerk.”

જ⁀➴°⋆ Papí — Daddy જ⁀➴°⋆ Mi vida — My life

[atleastpleasetelephone]

Giddy Up

A/N: So this oneshot is half-inspired by @therealslimshakespeare's fic Honeymoon, and half-inspired by the film Secretary. There's also a light sprinkling of inspiration from excessive consumption of The Righteous Gemstones, since I feel everything I do lately has a flavour of Baby Billy Freeman about it.

Pairing: 67!Elvis x wife!reader

Word count: 4K

TWs: Antiquated views of women's roles and husband's entitlement to their wives' bodies, mention of free use, possessive kink, praise kink, mention of a husband breaking in his wife, daddy kink, copious amounts of spanking, whipping, reader is gagged, crying, borderline pain kink, object insertion, begging.

“But Daddy, I did all the washin’ up…” 

Spinning back and forth on the spot so that your dress flares out, you bite your lip as you keep your eyes lowered, demurely, not wanting to annoy but still trying to make your case. You don’t like being spanked. And it doesn’t seem fair, since you’ve been so good all week, cleaning and washing and ironing for him, keeping Graceland in tip top condition, there’s not a speck of dust anywhere and you’ve done it all without getting a hair out of place. You know he’s tried to find things you haven’t done, running his finger along high shelves he thinks you couldn’t reach, moving furniture he thought would be too heavy for you. But you’re determined, you want to be the best wife you possibly can, so you’ve found ladders, you’ve got the Mafia to help you move chairs, and there’s not a single spot of dirt for him to find. He’s even tried to catch you out, changing what he wants to eat last minute, bringing unexpected people to dinner, all kinds of little tricks that he expected would make you lose it, or at the very least wipe that pretty little smile off your face for just a minute. You take it all in stride though, barely batting one of your perfectly made up eyes. 

When you didn’t fail, didn’t even falter, he changed tack. Took you from behind when you were pairing his socks, had you on your knees for him right in the middle of doing the washing up, rubber gloves still on your little hands. But no matter when he wanted it, or how, or for how long, you never complained. It was just another one of your wifely duties, and even when he left you hanging instead of making you cum you smiled that cute little smile of yours and went back to dusting the TVs. There didn’t seem to be a way of making you crack, making you bratty and petulant and deserving of the spanking he so badly wanted to give you. He was positively aching to feel your warm flesh getting warmer underneath his hand, firm slaps spreading redness over those perfectly formed buttocks of yours. And aching even more for the sound of you losing control, begging him to stop as he rained pain down on one ass cheek and then the other, watching your little face screw up with discomfort, tears in the corners of your eyes. It had happened once, just once. And he was dying to make it happen again. 

So that day he’d simply decided he didn’t have to wait for you to slip up. He’s your husband after all, and if wants to spank you then he damn well will. It’s his God-given right to take whatever he wants from your precious little body. It’s all very well and good you being such a good wife, so obedient and demure and so… well, everything he’s ever wanted, has ever prayed for in the fevered 3ams after some sordid tryst or other… it’s all fantastic actually, and he loves almost everything about it. But there’s still some urge to stamp his authority on you even if you don’t seem to need it. He doesn’t want you to forget who you belong to, or how the consequences of disobeying him feel. So he told you there and then, it’s time for a spankin’ honey. And you did not look pleased. 

“Ain’t about that,” he replies, taking you in his arms, gently. Pulling your chin up so your eyes meet his. “Yer a real good girl fer me, y’know yer my best girl…” 

You look up at him with wide eyes, trying to listen as your heart hammers in your chest. You’re sure this must be for the best. He always has had your best interests at heart, even when he was breaking your pussy in and it felt like the pain would last forever and you couldn’t imagine how anyone ever enjoyed this, how this was the way God had planned for babies to be born. Until, that is, the pain stopped and the pleasure started. And then you couldn’t believe you’d waited so long to do it, and you wanted him all the time. That was the last and only time he’d spanked you, the first and last sight of the brat you kept very carefully wrapped up deep inside you. Wrapped up all the tighter after that spanking, your ass so red and sore you struggled to sit down afterwards, grazed and bruised and vowing to never let this happen to you again. He’d started with his palm but ended with his belt and tears had poured down your cheeks. You never asked him for sex again, just waited patiently like the good little wife you were quickly becoming. And now you’ve done nothing wrong, and he wants to do it again. 

“Mmmmhhmm,” you mumble, lower lip trembling. 

“But I can’t have ya forgettin’ what it feels like,” he continues. “Think we need a lil maintenance spankin’ baby. Know ya don’t like it, so I think once a month’ll be enough.”

Once a month? You try to control your breathing, wobbling in his arms despite yourself. His lips curl into a smile as his fingers dance over your cheek. 

“What d’you think?” He persists, and you know he’s not really asking. It’s not about what you think at all. He wants you to say yes, wants you to stop just leaning against him, all shiny eyes and bitten lips, and despite your best efforts, damp panties. 

“Yes, Daddy,” you reply, trying to keep your voice light and even, as if he’d just asked you to pass the peas. 

“Good girl.” 

He lets your body go, giving your ass a little preparatory slap before straightening up and telling you to meet him in the TV room. He has to fetch some things he wants you to wear. 

Smoothing down your dress and touching your hair to make sure it’s not too messed up, you take off your apron and slowly make your way through the house and into the TV room, sitting in the middle of the blue and yellow sofa. It feels like every nerve ending in your body is on fire right now, goosebumps flash up your bare arms and legs, making the hairs stand on end. Wondering where he has gone exactly, what things he wants you to wear. Probably some see-through nightie or other, some fancy lingerie. You fiddle with the hem of your dress as you rub your legs against each other, sliding your calf over your shin and almost moaning with pleasure. You’re so worked up, the tight coil wrapped inside you threatening to come undone at the concept of being ritually punished to ensure your obedience. Trying to control yourself, you put your kitten heeled shoes flat on the carpet, legs pressed together, hands in your lap. He’s taking such a long time that eventually one hand frees itself from the grasp of the other and you find it stroking up and down your thigh. You don’t seem to be able to keep still. 

Suddenly he’s in the doorway, smiling at you, a western saddle on one arm and a whip in his hand. If you thought you were on fire before that’s nothing in comparison to right now, your cheeks burning, sweat seeming to just start pouring off you, sticking your dress to the middle of your back and then the backs of your thighs. 

He dumps the saddle and whip down next to you and then starts removing items from the table. You stare at him, his actions completely incomprehensible at this point. Like trying to read hieroglyphics or understand mathematical equations, you just sit there with eyes like saucers, information coming into your brain and seeming to just pass right through, slipping back out of your ear again. 

“Get up on the table, honey.”

When you don’t move, still staring uncomprehendingly like he’s asked you to walk on the moon, he takes one of your clammy little hands in his and tugs on it until you’re standing, then pats the low, glass table with his other hand, asking you again. 

“C’mon now, baby. On yer hands an’ knees fer your Daddy.”

Something clicks in your head and you finally see what he means, even if you don’t understand why he wants it. You slowly kneel on the table, afraid that it might somehow crack under your weight, the cold glass pressing against your hot skin. When it shows no signs of breaking you get the confidence to put your hands down too, looking between them and realising that you can see yourself reflected in the table top. Quickly your eyes snap forward. You don’t know for sure, but it doesn’t feel like somewhere you should be looking. If your skirt wasn’t covering you, you’d be able to look at your own damp panties right now. 

“That’s it,” he encourages, stroking your head like you’re his pet. 

Your breath is coming out in little pants, urgent, wet, somehow uncontrollable, much as you try to steady it. He hums in appreciation, enjoying the little sounds you can’t help making, the dampness of your clothes even though the AC is blasting, the way your little sooties twitch back and forth in your pretty pink shoes. 

He picks the saddle back up and carefully places it on your back. It’s the lightest one he could find in the stables, but it’s still kinda heavy, made for the back of a sturdy, heavy animal not a petite little girl. You grunt as the weight of it hits you, but that’s all. His heart swells with pride at how well you’re doing, what a damn good job he did of teaching you to take whatever he dished out and never complain. He does the girth up around your belly, muttering little praises as he slowly inches your skirt up, finally pulling it high enough to expose your ass and your lacey pink panties. His eyes flick down to the reflection in the glass of the table top and it’s clear that whatever you said about being spanked, it’s got you excited. Those little panties are see through and it’s enough to drive him insane just looking at them. 

“Think someone was lyin’ ta me.” His voice is needling, his hand grasping at the flesh of one buttock to make his point. 

Your stomach drops and it feels like blood rushes everywhere at once at his words. 

“L-lyin’?” You squeak out. 

“Mmmm. Seems like ya do want spankin’,” he continues, hand between your legs now, rubbing there. 

You whimper. “N-no.”

“No?” His voice is louder now, challenging you to defy him again. “Honey there’s a goddamn river down here. Yer so wet I could wash my clothes in it.” He snorts, “or you could.” His fingers slip under your panties and he gathers up as much of your sticky wetness on them as he can, before walking round to your head. “Ya tellin’ me this don’t mean anythin’?” 

Wobbling, you’re not sure what to do or say. It does mean something, but it doesn’t mean what he thinks it does. You don’t like to get a spanking, but you do want him to spank you. To overcome you, to show you he is superior to you in every way. You want to be made to understand, even if it’s painful. You want to submit to every last one of his wishes. 

Bored of waiting for a response, he wipes his slick covered fingers across your lips. “Nothin’ ta say, honey?” 

Your tongue pokes out to lick your lips as you mumble, “no, sir.”

“Alright then,” he replies with a shit-eating grin, enjoying watching your tiny act of rebellion fail, enjoying seeing you fold, enjoying more than anything the sight of you licking your arousal off your own lips without even having to be told. “We got any carrots, honey?”

Whatever it was you were expecting him to do or say, it wasn’t that. 

“C-carrots?”

“Yeah, y’know, orange crunchy kinda sweet vegetable, about so long,” he gestures with his hands, “kinda thing ya give to a horse?”

You still don’t get it, but you tell him yes, there’s a bag of carrots in the kitchen. Disbelief floods your body when he leaves the room, seemingly in search of said carrots, and you find yourself alone in the TV room, on your hands and knees on a mirrored table, with the mirrored ceiling above you and a real life saddle on your back. Staring straight ahead seems to be the only safe option, so you do that, eyes fixed on a glass bottle on the other side of the room. Is this what you thought being Mrs Presley would be like? Doing as you’re told, of course. Helping your husband out, making sure he feels good, letting him fill you up whenever he likes. But waiting for him like this, on display where anyone could find you, and if they did how on earth would you even explain when you didn’t know yourself what you were doing… none of that was on your Being Mrs Presley Bingo Card. 

“Found ‘em,” he declares, triumphantly, putting two large carrots down on the tabletop next to your hand. “Think we’re ready ta go.”

You nod, in what you hope is a calm, obedient way. Like an old cart horse, ready for another journey. Nothing strange going on here, just your usual Thursday afternoon. Just your normal wifely duties, the sorts of things you’re sure all the wives do for their husbands, just… you’re rudely jolted out of your thoughts by a hard smack to your right ass cheek, delivered by his big, open hand. 

“Oh!”

Grinning wolfishly, Elvis repeats the process a few times on the right, and then a few times on the left, amused by your absolute inability to keep your pretty little mouth shut and stay good and quiet for him. He likes hearing the little noises you make, but he’s about to switch to something a little harsher and he doesn’t really want your screams echoing around the mansion, making Dodger come running in some kind of misplaced concern for your welfare. 

“Ouch,” you whisper, almost to yourself, as he hits you again. You’re kind of a wimp when it comes to pain. You know it doesn’t really hurt that much when he spanks you, or at least it shouldn’t, your ass is padded enough and he’s not really taking a proper swing at it, but you really can’t stand it. Added to the sting is the discomfort of kneeling on a glass table, and the weight of the saddle on your back which you’ve been trying to sort of disassociate from, thinking it’s a bit too weird and you’d like to imagine it isn’t really there. But it’s too heavy to not be there, and it’s making your back ache dully. Shifting a little from side to side you wonder how long this is going to go on for. And then he tells you to open up and unceremoniously shoves one of the carrots sideways into your mouth. 

“Bite down, darlin’. This is gonna sting, an’ I can’t have ya a-hootin’ and a-hollerin’.”

Before you’ve had a chance to process the whole carrot-as-gag thing, and wonder exactly what it is that’s going to sting, you hear a whistle through the still air and then feel a sharp pain in one buttock. Oh yeah. The riding crop. Of course. 

You flinch at the impact, your eyes squeezing shut as you bite down on the carrot, grunting. Okay, so that did sting a little, but it’s nowhere near as bad as you thought whipping would be. Maybe your pain tolerance is improving, maybe… swoosh… it whips through the air and hits you again, and this time there’s more force behind it, or he’s caught you in some particular way that makes it smart because there are tears being squeezed from your eyes and you’re gritting your teeth against the carrot. Starting to shuffle on the table, suddenly you want to get away. 

“Ah, c’mon honey,” he coos, his hand under your chin, holding your head up. “No wriggling’ now. Take what you’re given.”

You nod wordlessly, drool starting to slide out of the corner of your mouth as you look up at him through shiny, tear-filled eyes. You feel the crop make contact with your ass again and your body jolts, but he keeps holding your chin, nodding to you, gently praising you. 

“That’s it darlin’, that’s my good girl,” he coos, bringing his hand back and whipping you again and again. He lets your chin go and your head hangs between your shoulders, whimpering as he moves back down to your ass to really give it some attention now. Your eyes blur and then vaguely start to focus again, seeing the reflection of the whip and your ass and your sodden panties. 

“So good f’me baby,” he continues, watching as his actions lead to red, angry marks criss-crossing your buttocks now that he’s pulled your panties up by the waistband, burying them in your ass. “Makin’ sure you’ll always be my best girl, hm? Don’t wantcha ta get complacent, forget how much a seein’ to hurts your pretty little behind.”

Still moaning and crying around the vegetable in your mouth, biting down on it grimly, you think there’s no way you’d forget how much this hurts and how much you don’t want it again. But your body is betraying you, buzzing from the adrenaline and disgustingly wet from lust. You love him debasing you like this. You can’t get enough, no matter how much you cry from the pain. It’s like a drug to you, once it’s unleashed you can’t get it back in again, no matter how hard you try to bundle it up and push it back down. 

Elvis is almost as worked up as you are, sweat pouring off his brow, his dick pressing urgently against his thigh as he looks at the mess he’s made. The mess you’ve both made. He lets himself hit you one last time, groaning as he watches the fresh bloom of redness from the impact, knowing it’ll bruise and his princess will struggle to sit down later at dinner. The pain will help her remember who she belongs to though, and the idea of that consumes him, a powerful tremendous lust threatens to overcome him and make him take you right there and then on the table. 

But he resists. 

“Alright darlin’, think ya’ve had enough.”

He’s panting as he pulls the half-chewed carrot from your mouth, his thumbs brushing the tears from your cheeks as he holds your face in his hands. 

“Yessir,” you mumble back at him, obedient to the core. 

“So fuckin’ good fer me,” he finds himself mumbling back, almost without thought, wanting you so badly right now he’s rambling, his words almost incoherent. “S’good, s’fuckin’ perfect, perfect little wife…”

Pride bursts in your chest at his praise and you nod quickly in agreement, hoping for some kind of relief from the painful ache between your legs. Your pussy is goddamn throbbing right now. 

He presses a kiss to your lips and then lets you go again, trying to regain control. Pulling your panties down to your knees in one quick movement he surveys your pussy, captivated by the way it glistens, so wet that when he slides an exploratory finger inside and brings it back out, coated in slick, it drips lewdly down onto the table. 

“S’goddamn wet…” 

Feeling like he’s losing his mind, he briefly looks around and his eyes alight on the other carrot. The filthiest thought ever enters his mind and he doesn’t stop to shake it, grabbing the phallic vegetable and sliding it into you in one smooth movement. Your eyes roll back in your head, almost cumming from the feeling of something finally filling your desperate, needy hole. 

“Oh, ya like that,” he breathes, staring at the end of the carrot, green and leafy, obscenely poking out of you. 

“Mmmm. Yessir. Please.”

“Please, what?”

“Please let me cum. Please. I been so good f’you. Oh…” 

You don’t often beg, you’re so demure and well-mannered, such a nice girl that it’s maddeningly dirty for him to hear it, and he can’t help but ask for a little more. He slowly starts to move the carrot in and out, fingers struggling for purchase with the slickness of it. 

“Beg me some more, honey.”

“Please… please daddy… sir… oh God… please lemme cum…”

You’re backing up against his hand now, fucking yourself on a vegetable, so desperate to get what you want. He moans out loud, not sure how much more of this he can take either, unzipping his pants and starting to stroke his dick to the same rhythm that he’s fucking you. 

“Make yerself cum, use yer fingers. Whatever ya need.”

You move your hand quickly, barely feeling how numb it is and the soreness in your wrist from leaning on it for so long, your fingers reaching to rub your clit as fast and hard as you possibly can, wanting it now, fucking desperate for your high. 

“Shit… oh Daddy… I’m cumming,” you wail, somewhere in the back of your mind thinking you’re going to get another spanking for that cuss word, but you don’t care, ecstasy shooting through your body as you moan, pussy clenching around the foreign object so hard that it shoots out, falling onto the table with a clunk. Your legs feel like jelly, shaking there as your eyes squeeze shut. Release feels so so good. 

Elvis’ fingers had slipped on the carrot, and he’d watched it slide out of you with a trail of slickness in its wake. Something about the filthiness of that image tipped him over the edge and suddenly he’s cumming too, half over the saddle and half over your ass, skin and leather covered in ropes of white, throwing his head back he moans at the Elvis and you on the mirrored ceiling, moaning back at him. Shit. 

Somehow, some amount of time later, he’s on the sofa with you on his lap, Little Elvis safely tucked away and your panties pulled back up again, whatever good they might be doing now, your skirt pulled down and his tongue firmly in your mouth. You moan into the kiss. And then you start to feel the pain of sitting on your bruised and battered ass. 

“Ow.”

Your faces still close, his eyes glitter with merriment, lips curling into his famous lop-sided grin. 

“Has my baby got a sore little behind?”

“Yes, Daddy,” you pout, although it almost immediately turns into a smile. 

“Well I’m sorry I hadta do it, but y’understand why, don’tcha?”

You nod solemnly. “So I know who owns me,” you whisper, conspiratorially. “Who I belong ta.”

“That’s it, sweetie. Ya got it. Always such a clever lil girl.”

You beam at his praise, and nestle into his chest. That’s when you notice the carrot on the table, glistening with your juices. Holy shit. That’s what he was fucking you with. 

“Daddy?” You whisper, into his shirt. 

“Yes, darlin’.”

“You… you…. the carrot…” You don’t know how to say it without being lewd. 

He giggles, and you feel the vibrations rumbling through his chest and into your ear. 

“Yes, baby. Y’got a real good seein’ ta from a vegetable.”

You squeak, covering your red, embarrassed face with one hand. He slowly peels it back and manhandles you until he’s looking you right in the eye. 

“An’ damn fuckin’ sexy it was too.”

***

Taglist:

@arg-xoxo @from-memphis-with-love @msamarican @blursedblegh @returntopresley @eapep @everythingelvispresley @i-r-i-n-a-a @arrolyn1114 @jhoneybees @polksaladava @lookingforrainbows @jkdaddy01 @epthedream69 @lustnhim @elvisslut @pomtherine @that-hotdog @ladelinee @angschrof @fairybloodsucker @deltafalax @makethemorning @elviswhore69 @ilovequeen978 @wildhorseinkansas @pocketfulofpresley @dkayfixates @iloveelvisss @kxnnxy @presleyhearted @lvrdollep @nebulamorada @iloveelvis2 @18lkpeters @elvisbdoll

[marauder-misprint]

A regular thing

Sirius Black x fem!Slytherin!reader

series masterlist

2.6k words

cw: fluff

When you exit the broom closet, both of your clothes are disheveled. Sirius has a pleased grin on his face.

“So, is this going to be a regular thing or…?” Sirius asked.

You rolled your eyes as you fixed your uniform. 

“Take me out and we can decide later,” you said firmly.

You reached out and fixed his tie for him.

“Hey! Maybe I liked the ruffed up look!” he protested.

“Just not.. Too ruffed up..”

You finished adjusting your own clothes before leaving Sirius behind. You had no clue when this date would be, but that would just be a reason to talk to him later. All you could do right now is hope that no one saw you two go into the closet together, or worse, leave it. You weren���t displeased with what went down. You just weren’t sure you were ready for the whole castle to know.

‘Those boys will make your life complicated.’ 

Beatrice’s words echoed in your mind as you walked back to the Slytherin Dungeons. How do you explain to someone you’re barely on speaking terms with, someone who somewhat counts as your ex, that you snogged their brother in a broom closet and were going to go on a date with him? That was the most complicated part. 

The other complicated part was fully convincing yourself that you liked Sirius. He was just so damn magnetic and certainly understood you better than his brother did. It was most definitely going to be the talk of the common room whenever this date happened. So many things told you that you shouldn’t like him, and yet, you did. You kept wearing the ring, knowing Sirius would see it. You’d be dumb to not see Sirius wearing his. You knew he was wearing it to get to you, to get under your skin, to have an excuse to talk to you, and you liked that. It was a private grand gesture, if those could exist. 

“Girl, do you brush your hair?” Dorcas asked when you entered your dorm.

“Yes?” you replied, turning to look in the mirror and groaning. 

Sirius. It was the consequences of your actions. You reached for your brush to fix the mess upon your head. 

“Definitely was brushed earlier,” Pandora muses. “Before Defense class, even.”

“Rosier,” you warned. 

“Didn’t say nothing,” she said, smiling at you in the reflection of the mirror.

“Oh?” Dorcas said, her interest piqued. “Something you want to share?” She turned her attention to Pandora. “Has she moved on from mystery Ministry boy?”

Pandora gave you a wicked grin as she said, “More like made a move on Ministry boy.”

Dorcas sprung up and grabbed your shoulders. Your eyes were wide, hers narrowed.

“Thought you said we didn’t know him. How can we not know him if he goes here?” 

You sent a quick glare at Pandora. At least it’s only those two in the dorm. You really didn’t want to share all of your secrets with Beatrice right now; you knew she’d be the worst one to break the news to. 

“I… may have lied… while I figured shit out.”

“And you’ve figured shit out?”

You nodded.

“Then spill. Who. is. he?” 

“Sirius.”

“Black?”

“Yes.”

“No,” Dorcas gasped, releasing your shoulders. “Godric, you’re fucked.”

“Yeah. I know. That’s why I didn't tell anyone,” you said with a sigh. “Well, Cora knew. And obviously, Pandora knows and can’t keep her damn mouth shut.”

“And now everyone but Bea knows!” Pandora said cheerfully. 

“Don’t sound so happy about that!” you groaned. “She cares the most about blood status and the possibility of me dating a so-called blood traitor? She’ll make being in this dorm insufferable!”

“I mean, she’s tolerated me ‘n’ McKinnon,” Dorcas said, sitting down on her bed yet still watching you as you leaned against your bedpost. 

“It’s only your first strike. This is my second. And if our date goes well…”

“You are going on a date?” Pandora asked excitedly. 

“We’re going to, yeah. Makes sense given… everything,” you said, flourishing your hand in front of your chest.

“Fill me in, darling. What’s this everything?” Dorcas asked.

“Besides kissing at the party, there’s been some flirting and now, um, like just now, we made out in a broom closet.”

“Which is why her hair was a mess,” Pandora added. 

“Rosier!” you exclaimed, making her laugh. “But, yeah. That’s why. He’s just so… infuriatingly magnetic? It’s like I’m drawn to him ever since he’s really crossed my path. We danced at the party and he’s a lot, but it’s a good lot. If that makes any goddamn sense.”

You let out another groan. You fell backwards onto your bed. 

‘Those boys will make your life complicated.’

Well, one of them would because you honestly feared what Beatrice would say and do when she found out. 

“You’ll keep it under wraps until after the date and we know if it’s going anywhere, yeah?”

The two girls hummed in agreement before Dorcas said, “Beatrice won’t hear from us.”

---

You swore Sirius was looking at you more than normal; you, however, only knew that because you were looking at him more than normal. You kept making eye contact and you couldn’t prevent yourself from blushing at his smile. The way his friends acted told you that they were very aware of what transpired in the broom closet. 

You wanted to talk to Sirius about the date that you were going to go on. You needed to know when, where, what, the details. If you could kiss a boy, you should be able to talk to him. 

Right? That logic made sense? 

Every time you thought you could approach him or you saw him approaching you, Beatrice was around or all of his friends were surrounding him. If it was his friends, you chickened out. If it was Beatrice, you made yourself scarce so that she wouldn’t see or hear anything. It was a frustrating scenario, but it was life. 

Then you were walking with Dorcas to Charms when someone pulled you into a broom closet. 

“It’s me,” Sirius’ voice said.

It was pitch black in the closet so you couldn’t even make out his outline. He was just a voice you could hear and a body you could feel pressed against yours in the cramped space.

“I said we could decide if this was going to be a regular thing after our date,” you hissed.

“Yeah, well, it’s hard to figure out when that’s happening when you disappear every time I try to talk to you about it.” 

“Because you keep trying to talk to me when I’m around Beatrice.”

“So?” 

“I haven't told her about this.”

“So?” 

“Salazar, Black, have you met her? She thinks you’re a blood traitor?”

“Again, so? My own brother thinks that of me.”

You threw your head back in a groan, hitting your head against the shelf behind you and making you groan loader.

“If you keep that up, someone will hear you,” he whispered with an entertained tone. 

“Until we know if this is going to be a thing, you don’t talk to me around her,” you told him firmly. 

“Right, why we’re in here. Our date.”

“Yes. Um, when are we-”

“Are you doing anything after classes tomorrow?”

“Homework?” 

“Great, you can do that later. Now, library or quidditch pitch?” 

“What? Black, you are not getting me on a broom.” 

“No brooms. I promise. Only thing you might be riding is this di-”

You smacked him upside the head. 

“Jokes! I joke!”

“Library. I’m not going outside when it’s cold as shit,” you said, not appreciating his joke. “You certainly know how to ruin a moment.” 

“Can’t a guy make a joke?” 

“Can’t a guy be tolerable for more than a minute?” 

“You’re the one who led me into the first closet, remember?” 

“You’re the one who told me to think about you!”

“You’re the one who listened.” He paused. “And then shoved me for calling you a good girl.” 

“Why are you so infuriating?” 

“Because you like it.”

“I do not like-”

You didn’t get to finish your sentence because Sirius pressed his lips against yours. As soon as he did, you knew that you would both be late to Charms. Very late. When he left you to compose yourself in the broom closet, he told you to meet him in the library after dinner tomorrow and to not eat dessert. 

Rather than walking into Charms after Sirius and extremely late, you decided to skip it entirely. You would freshen up in your dorm and meet your friends in the next class. You told them that you weren’t feeling well and ignored the knowing look that Dorcas gave you. She whispered something into Pandora's ear and suddenly she was giving you the same knowing look. There were only so many people in the castle who would pull you into a broom closet and make you miss an entire lesson, one of such people having shown up to Charms late. 

---

From what you could tell, Dorcas and Pandora kept their word of not telling Beatrice anything. You hadn’t had a moment alone with Cora so while she knew that Sirius was the Ministry boy, that’s all she knew. 

At dinner the next day, you tried your best to not look over at the Gryffindor table every other minute. You knew Sirius was over there, probably talking about whatever he had planned. You didn’t tell any of your friends about the few details you knew. The less they knew, the better. You would tell them about it eventually. You had debated bringing your books to dinner with the excuse of going to the library to study after, but if you had, you’d risk one of the girls saying they’d come study with you. So you decided that you’d tell them you were going to see about a book you wanted to read for fun. No one would come with you for that, especially when all of their things were in your dorm. 

You saw Sirius leave the Great Hall with his friends a bit before your group headed out. You gave your excuse and like you expected, no one offered to come with you. Your heat started to pound in your chest as you neared the library. What had that boy planned? 

Sirius was waiting for you just inside of the library. There weren’t many students around. 

“So, what do you have planned?” you asked as he took your hand. 

He didn’t say anything. He led you down a few shelves until he stopped in front of a fireplace. You gave him a curious look as he pulled out his wand and cast a freezing charm on the fire. 

“After you, m’lady,” he said, gesturing to the now cool hearth.

“Excuse me, what?” 

“Fine, follow me then.”

He crouched and went into the hearth. When he disappeared from sight, you crouched yourself and gasped. There was a room behind the hearth. You followed Sirius in and then he relit the fire, giving you privacy and the room a warm glow.

“How do you discover something like this?” you asked in awe.

“Aw, love, I can’t share all of my secrets,” he told you. “Plus, if I did, there is a good chance I would end up expelled tomorrow.”

You laughed and looked around the room, really seeing it for the first time. There was a blanket spread on the ground with a platter of various desserts. 

“Holy-” you started to say as you sat down on the blanket.

“I wasn’t sure what you liked and the house elves didn’t mind sending a bit of everything. You know how they are.”

You rolled your eyes. Sirius sat down on the blanket with the platter in between you. He reached for a custard tart. 

“So, why wouldn’t you get on a broom?” he asked.

“I’m utter shit at flying.” “But what if I were flying?” 

“Don’t think I’ve seen you fly since… first year? I don’t know if you’re to be trusted with my life hundreds of meters in the air.”

“Okay, fair, fair,” he chuckled. “Then, for next time, what is your favorite dessert?”

You leaned forward, considering everything he had gotten from the elves. You reached for your favorite and lifted it in front of his eyes.

“This. Mum can’t figure out the recipe so we only have them when we buy them.” You took a bite and moaned at how good it tasted. “And they always taste better fresh. Merlin, I love these elves.” 

“At least your mum tried. Sweets weren’t too common in the Black household…”

“And the Potters?” you questioned.

“Effie always has something made. A real kitchen witch, you know? I believe it’s impossible to go hungry in that house.” 

“Must’ve been a welcome change…” you mused.

“Everything was a welcome change when I ran away.”

You didn’t know what to say in response so you took another bite of the dessert in your hand. The silence that fell between you wasn’t uncomfortable though. The two of you ate your desserts. Then your curiosity got the best of you.

“You say everything was a welcome change. But you left stuff behind, or forgot stuff, I guess. What did you go back for on Christmas?” 

Sirius coughed in surprise. He was mid-bite and considered himself lucky that he didn’t start full-on choking. 

“Well, it was kind of hurried packing. I had to get out before I got caught. And I thought everything I was leaving behind I could live without. Then, erm, I found myself needing something. I searched for it in my stuff at the Potters, but alas, not there. I had to get it.”

“What was it?” 

“Bit embarrassing to say. Maybe I’ll tell you later.”

You frowned at him. “Come on, Sirius. Tell me.”

“If you won’t trust me on a broom, how can I trust that you won’t laugh at me?” 

You laughed. 

“Those are completely different things! Yours is something you can tell me. Mine is my life!” you defended. 

He shook his head before finishing a slice of pie he’d been working on. 

“Think of it like third date or so information,” he told you. “Maybe we’ll go for a broom ride and I’ll tell you when we land with you completely alive.” 

“Fine,” you said with a soft smile. “Besides getting dragged to the party, how was your first Christmas at the Potters? I figure it’s different?”

“You figure… correctly.”

Sirius delved into the extravagant activities, meals, presents, decorations and everything else that one could do during the holidays. All of it was above and beyond. He briefly described Christmas at the Blacks, just so you would have something to compare the Potters’ version of Christmas to. You hated how you related more to the Blacks’ Christmas than the Potters’. After that, the conversation drifted into lighter topics until the tray in front of you was completely empty. 

Sirius stood up, froze the fire again and gestured for you to leave first. He followed you out before relighting the first again. 

“I mean, it’s totally your call, but I’d really like for those broom closet snogs to become a regular things,” Sirius said as you walked toward the front of the library.

Madam Pince gave the two of you sharp looks. She didn’t recall seeing either of you when she did her latest sweep of the library to tell students it was nearing curfew. 

“As long as we also make the dates a regular thing too,” you replied with a teasing glint in your eye. “I am more than a pretty girl to snog.” 

“You’re a pretty girl that I’d love to flaunt around Hogsmeade and take on broom rides.”

tags: @nsr-15, @kabekusa, @made-for-oliverwood, @sunflowerscloudydays, @salvatt1, @sammyreid, @ravisinghs-wife, @petrificustottally, @stanzie, @moonjellyfishie, @1989-taylors, @urmykindofwoman, @mrspotatas

y'all, I apologize for the wait for the update. The Remus requests have me in an irongrip rn (and I'm not complaining 🫣)

[lizzybeeee]

THE ENTIRE DRAGON AGE AMA IS A DUMPSTER FIRE

They avoided all the high-rated questions with genuine criticism (not blind hate!) and went for questions that were safer and allowed them more leeway. After that awful IGN article and that treatment of Davrin...God, just put it down. I have no faith that BioWare will be able to continue Dragon Age or Mass Effect with the respect it deserves.

Edit - They had an opportunity for genuine discussion with fans who were concerned/unhappy with the way Veilguard was -> people unhappy with the story, the marketing, the lack of 'RP' options in an RPG, etc... Instead they just doubled-down even more, avoiding those critical questions, with no real acknowledgement that fans have very reasonable problems with this game.

Some Highlights & My Initial Ramblings Below:

The Executors

"They attempt to manipulate events in the most subtle way they can manage."

So, very clear that they're not simply observers of what is happening in Thedas: they're manipulators...

"Magical Illuminati Confirmed! Lizard People Did 9:30 Dragon!!!!"

All that complexity of character -> his hatred of Orlais, his experience as a general, his relationship with Cailain, and the influence of Howe...all diminished. Any influence from a shadow cabal is too much influence - all the humanity of Loghain's choices/consequences...God, what a waste.

Not to mention what this does to other events/characters in the series -> they imply they've been intervening as far back as the magisters breaking into the golden city. I do not find this compelling! At all!

2. Solas and the Executors

Oh my god, he sounds like such a fucking Mary-Sue I'm so sick of Solas at this point -> "Actually, I know more about the Executors than anyone alive - not even the rest of the Gods know as much as me."

("I'm also, like, an Ancient Elven God, I'm responsible for the Blight and the Veil, and I kind of locked the Gods away cause they were evil - but, like, I'm really sad about it. Also the Herald of Andraste thinks I'm cute <3")

<- Previous comments: massive oversimplification, obviously

But I miss the days when not everything was about Solas. It removes so much interest and wonder in this world when the fucking egg is behind it all. I loved him as a character in DAI and now I just feel this bone deep tiredness when I see his stupid face.

Don't you dare threaten to bring Gareth David-Lloyd back -> keep him away from this mess!

3. The Fate of the Rest of the Evanuris

Yay. I'm so looking forwards to "The Return of the Elves: Electric Boogaloo 2" - it was done so well the first time!

"It was the elves all along!"

The only character with any potential to be interesting is Andruil*, but how they handled all this lore was done so shallowly and so poorly that I find it hard to give a damn anymore. Not to mention that the game literally mentions Ghilan'nain mourning Andruil - so is this a retcon/redirection/or have you confirmed that one of the most interesting members of the Evanuris' is dead?

*interesting in that she's established in lore to potentially have a tonne of really cool things attached to her (the void armour, the great weapon she has etc...). The rest of the evanuris are nowhere near as well established as she is.

4. Southern Thedas, Sociopolitical Issues, and Future Games

NOW YOU WANT TO INCORPORATE GEO-POLITCAL EXPLORATION?? You avoided any meaningful discussion like the plague in DATV but now you're acknowledging it?? OkaY. okAy.

They couldn't even give us the long-term ramifications of the mage/templar war how the hell am I supposed to believe that they will be able to pull off 'elven gods are real' etc...? For a game series that totes : your choices matter -> they have not proven that they have been able to show that in a meaningful way. They literally cleaned the slate with this game to avoid doing that.

So, what, does that mean that the Veil is never going to come down now? Or are you going to have the entirety of Thedas build themselves up again just to have the Veil fall and send things into chaos once more?

What a fatalistic, miserable outcome for Thedas -> why the fuck would anyone bother to live in Thedas if you're going to keep throwing meteorites at them? By all means, change/conflict has to happen for the series to move forwards...but this is just so miserable at this point.

(The Elder Scrolls, at least, gives people room to breathe between crisis' or sets them up in different areas of the world! Bethesda treats past installments/your decisions with greater respect than DATV does.)

Even, then, if the Veil remains up, that means that the spirits are just trapped in the Fade being miserable for the rest of existence. The entire series has been humanizing spirits, from Justice to Cole, and now they're just throwing in the towel? I guess they can stay in the fade now! Problem solved!

What do you mean the Evanuris are not a threat anymore? IN A PREVIOUS QUESTION YOU LITERALLY SAID SOME ARE STILL POTENTIALLY KICKING AROUND THE BLACK CITY?

Weakened, sure, but Solas was 'weak' in DAI. You're giving yourself an out if you decide to go back to the elves again. Please do, I'd love more content on how the elves alone fuck everything up!

5. More Southern Thedas, the Chantry, and Tevinter

Thanks for the confirmation that things in the South are so fucked up that they have to work alongside the 'Slave Capital' of the known world to rebuild!

Slavery was one of the biggest things that caused a rift between the north/south chantry system -> one of the reasons why there were exalted marches -> a uniting belief in the south is that slavery is fucked. They didn't address slavery in DATV - what hopes are there that they will do so effectively in a future game?

Don't tell me that Dorian fixes everything off screen either -> either he solves slavery off-screen or the south is being forced to work the slaver-capitol because their land is nuked and they have no ground to stand on.

I'm so thrilled.

6. Solas and the Idol / The Blight

I will never get over Solas fucking curing the Blight off-screen and no one asking questions/giving a shit. Hello?? The Hero of Ferelden would like a word with you???

So the Blight is calcified in Minrathous, at least, but everywhere further away is still fucked! Once more, the South is doomed to suffer from the long-term effects that regular blights have -> not to mention the red lyrium (which still exists according to the AMA) across the south.

I don't care; it's lame. It's a lame way to conclude the blight and I hate it. This game did not earn 'cure the blight from thedas' at all. You could have had us learn how to soothe a titan and see how that can diminish the blight but you did it this way.

Another 'magical ritual' because Solas has such a good track record with them lmao.

7. The Agents of Fen'Harel / The War with the Qun / The Crows

Turned him against the idea of being a leader???!!

Fen'harel's Call to the Elven People After the events at the Winter Palace, elves left the Inquisition under mysterious circumstances, as did elven servants across Thedas. None could say where they went, but those who believed the Inquisitor's story about Fen'Harel wondered just how large the Dread Wolf's forces were... and what the ancient elven rebel had planned. This is from the Trespasser Epilogue, Epler!

Your concept art for Joplin literally had him as a leader of a faction of elves. Just be honest that it's a retcon and you changed course - don't try to save face with this reasoning.

About the Antaam: "We needed some big mindless bad guys to fight and so we did this because we didn't want to address the Qunari War/Invasion we set up in Trespasser".

You had to canonize Sten as being alive and Arishok in order for this reasoning to work -> you didn't even come up with an alternative Arishok to take Sten's place.

Yeah, the exchange that set up the Crows we see in the game as "idealists" did not make the game. I can confirm that!

I'm sorry, "Caterina kept Illario in check?" as in, 'kept him an idealist and not the usual Crow'? The woman that beat him with a cane and starved him and his cousin to train them as Crows. Fuck off.

lmao -> tell me you're coming up with this on the spot without telling me that you're coming up with this on the spot.

8. World State Discrepancies - Isabela

Outright ignores the very real criticism about the marketing from this game and World States.

"there are absolutely places where we unintentionally suggested there was a hard canon (...that Isabela is always assumed to have joined Hawke's party.)"

Unintentional?

Excuse me, you have her talk about Merrill and the Kirkwall Crew as family - that was not unintentional in the slightest. Not to mention Sten, Blackwall, Sera, and Cole are canonized as being part of your world state no matter what.

You had a story you wanted to tell - one that only fit a few world states - and you went ahead with it and disregarded those choices. Don't try and lie about this all being a big misunderstanding.

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Edit - They could have taken the opportunity to address the very reasonable criticisms that people had with this game but they cherry-picked questions and avoided/minimized anything remotely critical.

They could have provided us some insight into the game development time but each time they approached the topic they settled for "we're happy with what we delivered and it was well optimized."

They had an opportunity to acknowledge that people were bothered by the handling of the lore/stories (to potentially mention they could course-correct/ rethink their plans) but instead they doubled down on everything that they did and even 'justified' some decisions. They doubled down on the Executors, Solas's changing motivations, the destruction of Southern Thedas, and the elves/Solas being at the heart of everything etc...

This AMA basically confirmed that the only reason they did what they did to the south was for a reset -> It's not a compelling or fulfilling narrative to have everything we've done reset back to ground zero off-screen. BioWare games differentiate themselves from other RPG's by their import system from previous games - it was compelling and exciting! With DATV they set the expectation that BioWare can outright throw out entire games worth of choices/build up, not solely retcon them.

Justifying your choice to water down the lore/world of your story by saying you'll address it in the 'next game' does not instill me with confidence, BioWare! It doesn't explain that lack of it in this game either!

They avoided every question that, rightfully so, pointed out the misleading comments made by devs in the pre-order period of the game:

the fact that there were only 3 imported choices from previous games was leaked by a reviewer -> BioWare was vague from the start about choices

that this game was the most 'romantic' in the series

that world states/ headcanons wouldn't be disrespected

that there are 'lore' reasons for bad darkspawn design

that there are lasting, impactful choices/consequences to be made in this game

that the lore/world was not watered or toned down

that companions are deep and you can disagree with them etc...

BioWare's behavior towards their customers in the lead up period to this games release was downright scummy. I absolutely felt misled after playing the game for myself and recalling what I read in interviews put out. While EA is undoubtedly poison, you can't hold them solely accountable for this.

I feel for the individual developers who worked on this in what was undoubtedly a toxic environment from EA - but I feel that it's pretty clear that BioWare itself has a lot of problems within and in their leadership/executives. Working for EA does not give them an excuse to mislead their customers.

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I already had a very grim outlook on the franchise from the end of DATV but this literally look my interest out the back and sent it to God. What a disaster.

[odetojupiter]

how easily these monsters die in the end

versus andrew who’s always been called a monster and is constantly vilified by the media, but who refuses to go down when his people are on the line, will fight tooth and nail and damn the consequences and the potential for harm against himself, just to make sure his people cannot die. he doesn’t go kicking or screaming because he doesn’t go at all, not until he breaks the bone of the person who sliced first

how easily these monsters die in the end

versus neil, a monster’s son, who wears it’s face and it’s mask but only to make sure other people’s monsters can’t bother them anymore. who goes down kicking and screaming because he’s not a monster, he just knows the intricate melody they sing, he knows how to warp it into his own hymn of protection. he knows what it means to be a monster, and yet he’d assume that shape without question if it means the true monsters will be laid to rest.

how easily these monsters die in the end

versus aaron, who killed a man without hesitation despite it putting his life and career in jeopardy, to kill the monster under his own brother’s bed (in his bed, rather). his brother, who’s monstrous reputation spread to him like rainwater down the leash they tied between them. aaron, whose own monster was his lifeline until one day she wasn’t there anymore and he had nowhere else to turn his anger except back at the person who stopped her.

how easily these monsters die in the end

versus kevin, who spent upwards of a decade locked in the monster’s closet, only let out to smile for the cameras. who grieved the boy behind the monster and yet refused to let others paint the boy’s face back over the monster’s real form after it was dead.

how easily these monsters die in the end

versus jean, whose monsters presented him to the world as a monster so they could hide their own sick cruelties behind him. behind the young boy they beat down until he wouldn’t argue otherwise. whose tongue was snipped, wings clipped and bones broken until all he could see in his reflection was a monster that was being given what it deserved. he knows true monsters, and yet he let’s them twist his image into one to keep the ones he cares for safe from them.

how easily these monsters die in the end

versus nicky, who was told his truth was monstrous in itself, who believed it strongly enough that he’d rather die than be that monster, but would rather die than be anything else either. who was ridiculed, exiled, and abused for it but he could never change it and he refused to change it when he realised it wasn’t him that was the monster, it was the ones that hurt him. no matter how much he loved them, he realised coveting the love of a monster only blows back on the people he truly loves, the people who truly love him.

how easily these monsters die in the end

versus jeremy, whose own mental struggles were turned against him to save face, whose family would rather blame him and his sexuality for his brother’s death rather than turn inwards and see how their emotional neglect could spark such a tragedy. they turned him into the monster that they tried to hide from the world, poured their own guilt into him until all he could do was choke it down as though it was his own.

just thinking of the so called ‘monsters’ of the series, and how weighted that word is, the word the neil himself chose, when you consider who has been called a monster in their life, and who the true monsters are. neil, part of a group known as the monsters, points his finger back to the real monsters, as a reminder of what true monstrosity is. cause the true monsters, well, they die so easily in the end, but our monsters? they face that title with acceptance if only it means they can hold out a little longer for the people they choose to help.