#when december starts i should be able to really focus in on all my creative stuff
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#woe art be upon ye#my art#i finally found the brush i like to use#thank you conceptual 2#i do not believe in tarot but my roommate and I were fucking around#we found a “healing from trauma" setup sort of nonsense on wikihow#for obvious reasons we tried it immediately#in the position of “who will i be when i heal from my trauma”#i pulled the devil#i thought this was so funny i have immediately incorporated it into my belief system#now she's a dnd character i guess#found a succubus custom player made race so i'll do that#obviously the horns are not good but i made this in 2 hours while bored#reminded me of how fun digital painting was though#when december starts i should be able to really focus in on all my creative stuff#you can't see it but her eyes are honeycombs
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sooo, hello!!🥹💞 or welcome back!!!!
i don’t really know how to start this, at first i prepared a pretty long text because i wanted to explain why exactly i deactivated and what has been happening, but in the end i chose to scrap that and not get into in detail because it’s all related to my personal life and it's probably better to just keep that private, plus it’s some pretty heavy stuff as well, and i don't want to load that onto you. so this has kind of turned into a ramble instead amdbjdn
truth is that i have been struggling, a lot. october was one of the worst months mentally for me, which is when i chose to deactivate. at some point i did start slowly feeling better and i wanted to come back on here earlier than this but then things got worse🙂 like so much fucking worse😭😭 it’s still hard to believe and it still hurts and i almost can’t stop thinking about it, but looking back, i’m at least glad about getting through things the way i did- because i feel like the me one year ago would have acted and handled those situations so differently, or maybe i would have barely been able to handle them at all.
in the midst of it all, i started to lose my passion for writing. writing stopped being a form of escapism or a way for me to use my creativity. it just felt like a burden. whenever i wanted to write and opened up a doc i just felt paralyzed only by looking at it. i couldn’t get anything out, nothing for days on end. i felt like i was losing myself, in multiple aspects, not just writing, and the disappointment that overcame me only added more and more to my stress.
and i’m not going to lie, i’m still struggling a lot to write again :’) but i do want to give it another try. maybe it’s the fact that i first started out last year in december that is kinda making my heart tingle for it again andbjsns this period of time feels nostalgic:(
however, due to personal reasons (not regarding anyone on here, just to make that clear) i’d feel much safer and much more at ease to continue with a different username, i hope you guys can understand. i do feel very attached to my previous one but i really want to be able to post comfortably.
i do kind of regret deleting my other blog because of all the memories i’ve lost, but at the same time i’m also happy i did it because in a way it allowed me to fully choose to work things out and focus on myself without feeling burdened or rushed.
i don’t know how long it’s gonna take for me to post something new. i’ve been working on multiple things at once but the progress has been quite slow ambdkdn but at least it’s something!!!! so it might take a long time, it might also not. i don’t know, i’m just gonna let things be and let them happen whenever they happen. maybe you guys can also tell me some of the fics i should repost?? i won’t do them all at once cause they were quite a lot and that would clog up the tags anbdjdnd + i also need to proofread them again cause most of the time i’d do that directly on tumblr before posting🥲
soooo yeah. if you’ve read through this whole post, i really appreciate it!! :(<33 i’m happy to return on here while being in a better state, and if there’s anybody who would like to talk, do feel free to send me a message or an ask!! i’m still at home on winter break, but i will go on a trip pretty soon😔✊🏻 just so you know in case i might be slow with posting/replying!!
i hope 2024 will treat both me and you well. i hope it can be a year of growth and love, a year where we can freely let go and start anew. in a world where you constantly get beat down for everything i still want to choose to be gentle, sensitive, and soft. i love you guys!!!! :(💞💓💖💘💞💓💞
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JESSIE'S 2024 ROADMAP
So, I just wanted to ramble about the projects I have planned out for 2024. I've been very ambitious about some due to being able to afford to invest in them. Of course, art will forever be my #1 ambition and will continue to improve my craft. I'm always finding new ways to improve and exploring new ideas. However; I do have various non-digital art related! And I want to tell you all on my own personal blog about them and what you can look forward from me in the future!
MUSIC PROJECTS
I've actually been taking my time to figure out how FL Studios work, and how to work with it with Audacity. I've been attempting at voice training, so once I'm satisfied with my voice, I'd really love to do lyrics. I'm planning on working out something special for the first quarter of 2024. An EP called "Hear my Voice! (Existence)". I want it to be focused on the progress of HRT and Voice Training and just the idea of artistic freedom and the great feeling it is to be able to create things the way I want after being so long unable to. I don't know, 3 songs sound good for an EP. I want to be crafty and creative with them. I'd love for it to be Lo-Fi Pop Punk. As in, actual Lo-Fi, not the Synthwave kind of Lo-Fi. I want it to be the classic lower quality and lower frequency sounding music. I have a grudging respect for Lo-Fi and what it can represent, so I want to have my own take on it. The other project would be a proper album for once I get the hang of it all. I plan to call it "Celestial Wishes". I so far only have the plans for it to be Pop Punk and be very angelic sounding. I want it to be like heaven answering my wishes to finally do music. Obviously I won't sing about that-! I want it to carry the story of Ponies living life and miracles happening in various ways. How many songs ? God knows! It's only an idea thus far, and will take shape later. Right now I want to focus on making a couple of singles, maybe having one done in December still even. That and focusing on the overall theming and style I want for "Hear my Voice! (Existence)". I'll post all of these on a new Youtube Channel I've created, StardustJessie Music! Subscribe for when I start posting some!
YOUTUBE VIDEOS
I don't know how aware you are, but I do have a Youtube Channel. I primarily post Video Game Analysis Essays. I'm extremely proud of the ones I made this year, those being Deus Ex 2 and Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Well, I have two more videos planned out! The first, POKEMON SUN & MOON ARE GREAT AND HERE'S WHY; Which I'm very ambitious and passionate about this idea. Everyone was very quick to defend Sword & Shield, Sun & Moon didn't get that same treatment. I want to be one to defend Sun & Moon, which I have a lot of argument for, and have a lot to say about its history and the state of pokemon in that age. I actually really hated S&M when I first played it and deeply regretted buying Ultra Sun (Which I still do.), so it's almost like a redemption arc for me! I'll have to gather up a shitload of footage though. Pokemon Red, Silver, Sapphire, Ruby, Diamond, Black, X, Alpha Sapphire, Red Team Rescue, Explorers of Sky, Gates to Infinity, Super Mystery Dungeon, Sword, Violet, Rescue Team DX, Sun, Ultra Sun, and more! These are just the pokemon games I'll have to record! Not to count other games I bring up as a precedent and examples like Persona 4 which is some 60 hours of gameplay! So yeah. It's a lengthy project. Thankfully I'm purchasing a 4TB HDD this week so I should be able to gather that much footage without a worry. I imagine I'll only have this done in a year or even 2025! It's a tough project. However; I want to also work on another video! MORROWIND WALKED SO SKYRIM COULD RUN (AWAY WITH MY MONEY); I really despite Skyrim for a lot of reasons. But I really love Morrowind. A lot of the things I see people praise Skyrim are things I genuinely believe they'd have a better time and enjoyment of those aspects if they played Skyrim. I believe I can actually get this video done in 2024 as these games are waaaaaaaaaaaay shorter than all the shit I have to play for a Pokemon project! But even then, Skyrim would be some 30 hours and Morrowind some 15, not to mention any other games I talk about. It's a great topic to analyse and I'll be very ambitious. I should get to write it sometime and have a W.I.P project in mid 2024 so it'll be my annual essay.
BOOK PROJECTS
I'm very interested in writing my own book honestly. Ever since I read Dracula I've considered writing a story that touches on similar themes and ideas and can evolve them further through the lens of 2024. I'm slowly taking shots at it. Sometimes I write a sentence or two. As any Tumblr Writer knows, it's very tough. Be on the look out! Once I have anything concrete I'll definitely post!
I believe this would be it! I don't have many individual projects, but they are ambitious and time consuming projects that I want to have done next year or have something substantial to show in 2024! There are more projects, like my Game Project which I'm very passionate about and have 74 pages of documentation of and still working on it! Since it's on very early planning stage I rather not talk too much. But maybe 2025 roadmap ? Thank you for reading this if you have at all! I just want somewhere to put all my ideas. Who knows. It'll be interesting in 2034 to look back to 22 year old me being so ambitious, while 32 year old me has those ambitions fully realised and onto new projects. This is almost like an archival of my personal artistic ambition and my passion for the crafts of Writing, Visual Arts and Music.
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NaNo Wrapup
((she says, disingenuously, as if she’s actually gotten stuff done this month))
...yeah, I didn’t XD I think I wrote all of five hundred words, if that. A lot more kept building in my brain but in situations where I could neither actively work on it nor jot down the highlights to remember later (most often when I was driving because Of Course that’s when Inspiration strikes lol)
I have actually figured out a few things, at least, just need to actually Get Things Written Down. I have some time off and no travel plans this month, plus the Liminal Space that is the last week of December tends to be very quiet at work so I’ll (hopefully) get some stuff down then. Part of what I’ve figured is a few more gaps filled in for The Other Battlestar (which still needs a better title; I will probably dive into Shakespeare to find something suitable, all of the mythological references I’m coming up with Do Not Suit); I’ve also worked out a list of possibilities for this year’s Star Wars Big Bang, which is starting up now (exciting!)
I didn’t really get any further on Incinctus. I joined a Castlevania creatives discord Ages ago, I should probably just. Like. Ask for someone to help beta/bounce ideas off of/whatever. Then I would probably unstick, lol.
So, yeah, that’s where things stand. I’m hoping to actually get some Stuff out later this month, but not really counting on it at this point. If the last couple weeks of the month go the way I’m hoping, though, I should have some things going up in January! That seems much likelier but we’ll see ::knocks on wood::
In terms of SWBB...well, I do generally appreciate feedback in terms of ‘what would y’all like to see from me’ when I’m torn between a few options, so, here’s what I have right now ((this is, of course, assuming nothing New jumps out at me before I have to Settle on something, lol)) Several of these are in fact BSG crossovers because that’s where a good chunk of my head is at and crossovers are allowed for the event.
List, along with some pros and cons, behind the cut.
Also, plug for my writing discord; and I’ll be around for an open question night if you guys are!
Crossover Option 1: Some subset of the Ghost crew, post-s4, ends up on Occupied Caprica during the Kobol arc (i.e., while Starbuck is there the first time)
Pros: This is one of the easier ones to keep self-limiting (meaning, I can have a Clear End Point and then separate the two storylines without derailing the future too much; that’s one of the harder things about plotting a BSG crossover, I’m finding. Unlike the ATLA crossover I wrote a year or two ago, it’s hard to keep these contained/reasonable, lol). Also it would focus a lot on Zeb (and, to a lesser extent, Kallus) and Zeb needs more love from fandom.
Cons: 95% of why I want to do this is to build up to/around a conversation between Zeb and Helo that I wrote a while back; I’m not really sure there’s enough here to sustain a long-form work. ...I mean, I am an Extremely Wordy Writer, lol, but still. Also I haven’t done a whole lot outside of self-indulgent RP with a friend involving the Ghost crew so I’m not 100% solid on doing them justice.
Crossover Option 2: Anakin, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and possibly Rex and/or Padme end up on Kobol while the first landing party is there.
Pros: Another one that’s easy to keep self-limiting (by the time the SW half of things is able to get back there, the second landing party has come and gone; radically different hyperspace/FTL tech means reconnecting On Purpose is like finding a needle in a haystack). And there’s a lot of stuff I can do with Baltar and Anakin; and Anakin and Chief; and Visions and Head!Six. And possibly even keep Crashdown from spinning out and getting shot!
Cons: A lot of this would rely on Unsettling Vibes and Mysticism which is Not my strong suit.
Crossover Option 3: Either immediately after A Measure Of Salvation or during the skipped year, a Basestar and a Clone Wars-era capital ship (probably the Resolute) cross paths.
Pros: Clones and Cylons are a connection just waiting to happen; plus I can get some of the stuff I want out of the Head!People without adding the Kobol Vibes into the mix; I also have a few Cylon OCs I could throw in because Why Not.
Cons: That self-limiting problem is a Big One here. I also don’t write a whole lot of clones other than Rex, so...yeah, doing that connection justice isn’t easy.
Non-Crossover Option 1: actually using this as an excuse to finish our faces like a mirror the way I keep saying I could
Pros: I might actually finish this! I’m still really invested in my girl Bo-Katan and the way her relationship with her sister collapses.
Cons: That whole ‘I keep saying I could’ things is. Not an exaggeration, lol. I’ve been working on this off and on for like...five years? And still have a Long Way To Go.
Non-Crossover Option 2: Dive back into Devoted!verse; pick up either Padme or the Kryze sisters’ backstory, or Anakin and Ahsoka as kids; or possibly Bail and Breha.
Pros: I do want to get back to this AU, and there’s a lot to build on. I’m not sure Bail could support a BB-length story on his own the way the other options could, but I do love him. (Kryze sisters is the most likely at this point, because half a summary popped into my head, but I don’t. I don’t really have much beyond that, lol. Anakin and Ahsoka are a close second because I just have Feelings about Sibling Bonds.)
Cons: There’s a lot of white space to fill with any of these options, figuring out what I’m doing and getting it done in a way that I feel as satisfied with as the main story in this AU is going to be difficult.
Non-Crossover Option 3: Something Else I Haven’t Come Up With Yet.
Pros: Things pop into my head a lot and if I ride the wave when it does then it usually goes well??
Cons: Well. Sign-ups are technically starting, and I...don’t have the concept yet, lol.
...I think that’s about it! Thoughts, opinions? Unrelated questions? Let me know!
i guess this sort of turned into a coming attractions post lol so i’m not gonna do one on monday but here we are
#open question night#coming attractions#feedback greatly appreciated#shadowsong writes star wars#shadowsong writes castlevania#shadowsong writes bsg#shadowsong writes crossovers#miscellania
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December 31 - 2022
9:36 AM
I slept in an hour to help make up for last night. I’m still tired but I guess I feel okay. I don’t know what I want to do today. Probably nothing creative. I kinda feel like doing literally anything as long as I pass the time. I just don’t want to stress about anything right now. Tomorrow I have yearly finance stuff to do and then it’s back to commissions like usual. I’m still being soy about getting commissions done. I can never do it on time and sometimes I don’t even do the whole 2 hours. I WILL do the whole 2 hours if I have to but if I get any amount ahead I tend to slack. There is no solution to this other than buckling down and getting it done. It sucks that it feels this big struggle I have to look forward to every day but it should get better. I used to feel like that about my anxiety too but I’ve made so much progress from when I first started doing something about it.
11:17 AM
I’m sad that I tend to document sad times more than happy times. It’s because I want someone to reach out and help but that is never healthy for me to expect. Most of the time it makes me MORE sad because people either don’t take the hint or don’t think it’s their place to intervene. It’s not realistic of me to expect anyone to both know I’m sad and care enough to help. But I hate suffering in silence. Its probably for the best though. I’ll try to tone back the negative posting and focus on positive things more. I know myself in the future will appreciate looking back and reading about the things I enjoyed rather than only my troubles.
The only thing I’ve enjoyed this morning is getting cozy and watching Bluey. I might lay in bed and watch other things, or play Earthbound maybe. Its a good day to pour hours into a game.
3:34 PM
Maybe for every negative thing I have to talk about, I can bring up something positive too.
I’ve been thinking a lot about myself and how I behave in relationships in general. I know I mold myself around others a lot, maybe too much. It’s hard to understand when I should stop fitting to them and let them fit to me. I have noticed that most of my friendships in the past can end up one sided. I give in too much doing whatever they want to do but seldom do they make the same sacrifice for me. I always do it out of kindness and I honestly enjoy taking part in other people’s interests. It hurts when whatever I want to do is frequently declined. At this point I think I’ve stopped bothering even considering it. I completely forget that doing what I want to do with others is even an options. It’s why I end up playing singleplayer games only. My brain has learned my interests must not be compatibly with basically anyone. I know thats not true but this is how I’ve become molded by experience. Its really hard to break out of mental beliefs like this. This one is very deeply engrained.
I guess I’m also not sure who I am as an individual either because of this. Deep down I feel like I shouldn’t try to be myself because it clearly hasn’t work very well in the past. I’ve become aware of this and have been trying to figure out what I truly desire but it’s been a rocky path. I still really don’t know.
On a positive note, my tummy isn’t acting up and I’ve been keeping myself busy working on this present. At first I projected that if I focused on only doing it today, I might actually be able to get it mostly done. That might have been realistic but I had to shower and eat and today is a good day to have mom try to scan me again. No matter what, my goal right now is to keep doing something so I don’t get trapped in my own head anymore. I guess this isn’t very positive but I feel like I’m in mental survival mode. Like if I don’t get to the bottom of what is causing me anguish, I will break down again eventually.
7:11 PM
I’ve been depressed as fuck all day and of course now my tummy is acting up. I felt super okay all day now all of the sudden I’m in pain. It’ll probably just pass in a little bit but still. What the fuck. I really don’t want to be alive right now. No drink for me tonight I guess.
This seems unlikely to me but I was researching if vitamins can upset your stomach and there is a special kind of sugar they use that fucks with certain people. The vitamins I take have that sugar and I’m wondering if it could be contributing to my issues. I have noticed that for that week-ish period of my tummy being consistently abnormal, I was especially diligent about taking my vitamins. And the past few days which have been much more normal, I stopped taking them. I don’t know if it would kick in this fast but I had a vitamin with my lunch a few hours ago and now my stomach is hurting. I’m going to stop taking the vitamins for awhile.
12:11 AM
I still don’t know why I get sad like this. I guess everything I’m unhappy about in my life all comes crashing down at once every now and then. It’s all too much to handle or chip away at so I get overwhelmed.
In my pain I find my values, and as weird as it is to admit, I value love. I want love. I want to commit and be committed to.
I want to believe my friends think about me as much as I think about them. I want to believe they would care if they didn’t hear from me for awhile, instead of forgetting me and moving on.
I want to feel welcome and included which I can only do if I improve my empathy.
I want to feel like I have a purpose. I need something to do that makes an impact to others.
I want to be bold enough to take the time to do things I actually want to do instead of trying to “save energy” or put them off until later.
These are the things I can think of that would make me immediately happy. I’m sad that I’m lacking in these things. Soon I’ll go back to masking it and being generally functional but until I meet these kinds of requirements, I’ll likely keep plummeting into fits of depression.
I don’t have anything positive to say. I’m sad and I’ve been sad all day. I’m extremely worried about the future. I’m so fucking upset I spent today alone. I feel like a total loser. This is the kind of thing that makes me feel like I’m not cared for. No one invited me to anything. No one was around when I went asking. I’m just all by myself.
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Pick A Pile: Your Next 6 Months
July - December 2021
Disclaimer: All readings and tarot/blog games are for fun and entertainment purposes only. It is in no way meant to act as or replace professional advice of any kind. You know yourself and what’s going on in your life best so I asks that you trust yourself above all else. Finally please take only what resonates from the reading which may be some of it, all of it, or none at all.
Reading Specific Disclaimer: Keep in mind this is just for fun and ultimately your actions and things you can’t control are the factors that will truly determine how the next 6 months pan out for you.
PILE 1
Theme // The Lovers Rx — Hello Pile 1! The theme for your next 6 months are all about finding your passion and building a relationship with yourself. Are you going through a rough patch right now Pile 1? Because I’m seeing you getting out of it or having a major shift by the end of the year.
July // Knight of Cups — With the knight of cups, I see you need to get your mood and mindset in check during the month of July. The energy you are in right now could be sooo much better my love. I feel like you’re holding back, there’s this brooding energy I’m picking up on. Focus on expressing yourself in some format (creatively, journaling, when talking to others) because if you do so I see you can allow yourself to begin this journey of transformation.
August // Seven of Pentacles — I’m picking up this energy you may potentially have of “when will things start to get better?” The answer— when you start putting in the work. That’s what August is about. Take some time during this month to really check your strategy at whatever it is you’re brooding about and come up with a game plan.
September // Ten of Swords Rx — So far if you’ve taken the tarot’s advice, then in September you’ll find yourself finding your momentum and strength again as the Ten of Swords Rx can signal getting off of rock bottom in a sense.
October // Ace of Pentacles — To me aces represent new beginnings. During the month of October something you’ve been manifesting (remember August?) is going to start coming thru. I’m also picking up on your financial situation improving or new financial opportunity coming through.
November // Ace of Swords — Your are going to be able to think and see things much clearer during November Pile 1. I don’t see a major ‘aha’ moment, but I do sense a subtle "oh my gosh look how well I’ve been doing" type of energy. 6 may also be a number of importance for you here too.
December // Death — Finally we’ve made it to December and I feel so much good vibes. The previous months may have been… challenging and have pushed you to grow, but when I look at the cards I see something beautiful, and I see progression. You started out, Pile 1, with the knight of cups riding forward with his/their white horse, cup in hand (an intention of sorts) and end with Death on their white horse but now a skeleton holding a flag of what we’ll call victory. I know, it sounds morbid, but the point I’m trying to make is that Death represents transitions and endings, and that is what December had in stored for you.
Oracle Card — Chant//Invoke
Yogi Tea Messages — “In every moment of life, you should be what you ought to be.” | “If we are happy, everybody looks up and shares our happiness.”
PILE 2
Theme // The Fool — Pile 2, I’m not sure the cards wanted you to know what’s in store for you over the course of the next three months. Therefore your reading is kind of short so if you have specific questions just send it in an asks. The general energy is very guarded. The fool here represents, beginnings and potential.
July // Ace of Cups — Ace of Cups is mainly about love and peace. I felt inclined to draw another card and out popped the Ten of Swords. Maybe you’ve had a not-so great experience happen recently, and July is about healing from it and trying to find a place of love and peace within yourself.
August // The Hermit — On this idea or energy, I see The Hermit as hinting that during the month of August you may find yourself doing a lot of self reflection Pile 2. I wanted to know what you were potentially doing self reflection on and out came the Six of Wands which, summarised, is about success and recognition. Self reflection on your progress maybe?
September // Death Rx — During the month of September beware of being resistant. Alternately, things maybe moving slowly and in wanting things to move faster, you maybe creating resistance to your blessings coming thru. Ultimately going with the flow.
October // Eight of Wands — I moved the eight of wands and under it was The Star which I hadn’t realised and was pleasantly surprised. With these two cards, I’m hearing if you heed death’s advice of being aware of your resistance to whatever is going on, you’ll see a sudden improvement in your situation. In October things are picking up and the things you’ve been wishing for will come to you.
November // The Chariot — One of the first things to come to me with this card was ‘faith, trust and pixie dust’. I have no idea why but maybe you do Pile 2. I see you having lots of motivation with The Chariot, finding balance, and success with a problem or situation you maybe having.
December // Four of pentacles Stability will be yours by the end of the year pile 2. However there’s an energy I’m not feeling. I pulled a card to clarify and got the Knight of Swords. Things are coming through for you in December but there is also a message to be aware that the chariot energy you’re carrying from November to December doesn’t morph into an energy stemming from greed and superiority.
Oracle Cards — Mystery//Dream & Align//Ignite
Yogi Tea Messages — “Think seriously and think honestly.” | “We are born wise, we are born complete.”
PILE 3
Theme // 10 of Swords — Have no fear pile 3, I’m reading this card as the next 6 months marking completion to a rough phase in your life.
July // 6 of Wands — Success and victory you’ve been growing and working on yourself or a creative endeavor. During July you may find yourself acknowledging your progress, or other’s may comment on how well you’re doing.
August // 8 of Swords Rx — If you have been feeling powerless or trapped Pile 3, that is going to change. You may be opening your eyes to a situation or a truth maybe revealed.
September // King of Swords — I’m seeing you stepping up and being in-charge... being more levelheaded. With the butterflied on the throne, I’m thinking maybe you were more erratic in thought or and emotion? Or maybe during September butterflied will be of importance. Honesty and good communication is also key.
October // 6 of Cups — During October you maybe taking a trip down memory lane, or indulging in old/childhood enjoyments. Someone from your past may also be showing back up in your life.
November // 10 of Pentacles — I see you coming into abundance. It could be material abundance but it doesn’t have to be. There’s also a message of keep doing what you’re doing.
December // 9 of Cups — To end the year off you maybe feeling more content and satisfied with the things you’ve been doing. Keep up the mindset you’ve seemingly come into and enjoy the good things life has to offer.
Oracle Card — Love//Empathy
Yogi Tea Messages — “People who love are giving.” | “Let your energy be used to build not destroy.”
PILE 4
Theme // 6 of Swords Rx — Pile 4, my chaotic little bunch. With the 6 of Swords reversed I feel you maybe regressing if you’re not careful.
July // 5 of Wands Rx — Here this card represents the end of conflict and moving on. I don’t know if it’s working out for you... I feel like you might just be like ‘screw it’ and move on. Throughout the reading I kept feeling like it was related to familial disagreements so for some of you that could be it.
August // The Fool — The fool is about fresh starts, potential and being carefree. While I do see that, in this reading the dog by the fool’s foot jumps out at me as a warning of sorts. While new beginnings may be in the works, be careful of making rash decisions and not thinking things through.
September // Justice — I see things as balanced for you during September Pile 4, maintain that energy of balance going forward.
October // Queen of Wands — For me this is one of my favourite cards because I see it as being in your ideal energy, being your own muse. It’s time to come into that healthy, attractive, confident, creative energy.
November // Queen of Cups Rx — Why would you be wallowing Pile 4? You were doing so well and now the cards show me you finding yourself in an upset and moody energy. This is where familial disagreements really came to me since depending where you live the holiday season really kicks off in November and potentially so does family tension. Regardless of what it is, during November you may need to show yourself some extra love and prioritize self care.
December // 5 of Swords — You’re fiery Pile 4, and I don’t see you as they type to take crap from anyone. You know your situation best and the people around you best so there are two main messages with this card. The first message being one of ‘the world doesn’t revolve around you’. While you need to put yourself first, you also need to understand your actions and decisions affects those around you. Alternately — you need to claim control your rights, your power... whatever you want to see it as. If someone is taking advantage of you, you need to break free and be able to choose yourself.
Oracle Card — Spiral//Cycle
Yogi Tea Messages — “Life is a flow of love; your participation is requested.” | “An attitude of gratitude brings opportunities.”
#pick a card#pick a pile#pick a picture#pick a card reading#tarot reading#tarot reader#tarotblr#ariesmoontarot#tarot predictions
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[CN] Victor’s Exhibition Date (Eng Translation)
🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date which has not been released in English servers! 🍒
NOTE: @redqueen-hypothesis did the translation for this! All I did was proofread and format! It’s on my blog because Red says so and I have to comply :<
[ This date was released in CN on 7 December 2020 ]
MC: According to the map, it should be… right ahead!
Victor: ...you don’t need to look at the map. Just watch where you’re going.
Victor: Turn at this corner and we’ll be there. There’s no need to keep looking at your phone.
A few days ago, when I was agonising over what television program to produce for the theme ‘Heart’s Whisper While Going into the New Year’, a notification about an exhibition popped up on my phone.
The exhibition hall next to New Light Mall was going to hold a ‘Speak Up’ exhibition. I saw a few recommendations for the exhibit, and thought that it was meaningful, and also felt that it was in line with the New Year atmosphere.
Since the opportunity presented itself, I quickly booked Victor’s Sunday afternoon.
MC: CEO Victor’s rare time off has been taken over by me to do overtime - do you have any complaints?
After hearing what I’ve said, Victor raises an eyebrow, a slight laugh escaping him.
Victor: What if I do?
MC: If that’s the case…
MC: Since I don’t think I could afford your overtime wages, how about I treat you to a cup of coffee later? I’ll look for the nearest cafe in the area…
When I lower my head to look at my phone, searching for a list of cafes in the vicinity, Victor lets out a sigh and grabs my hand, pulling me to turn a right at the corner.
MC: Ahh, the nearest cafe is located right outside the exhibition hall!
MC: Online reviews say that their croissants taste good. From the pictures they’ve posted… it seems to be true.
Victor: And here I was, thinking that you’d really come with the intention of figuring out the plan for your television program.
MC: I do intend to! But right now, I’m missing the… spark of inspiration.
MC: If the afternoon turns out to be fruitless, I’ll simply treat it as a day out! It’s not too bad.
MC: Besides, don’t you think the two of us have very few opportunities to look at these sorts of exhibitions together?
Victor: … yes, it’s my fault for being too busy.
MC: That’s not true. You already take out so much time to accompany me, and I always drag you to all sorts of noisy places.
MC: It’s time to let art nurture my soul, and help me attain a gentler disposition.
Victor’s hand, which had been holding mine earlier, slides down my palm, warm fingertips stroking the back of my hand gently, before lacing his fingers with mine.
Victor: Then, let’s go.
-
Cafe owner: So the both of you haven’t planned the overall route to view the exhibition?
The cafe is located right at the entrance. After securing the tickets to the exhibition, I pull Victor to the cafe first.
However, today’s exhibition hall seems a little deserted, and the cafe has very few customers.
The bespectacled middle-aged owner seems refined and gentle and is a good host. Before long, he’s already started a conversation with the two of us.
MC: Is the exhibition very big?
Cafe owner: There are three floors in total. If you browse every exhibit once, it should take quite a while.
Cafe owner: This is why many visitors choose a single floor to focus their attention on, and give less time to the other two.
When Victor takes his coffee, he nods politely at the cafe owner.
Victor: Do you have any recommendations?
Cafe owner: Haha, if you’re talking about recommendations, I’d suggest the second floor. It’s most popular with visitors, since the main theme of the floor is ‘Love’.
As the cafe owner says this, he places both hands on the bar counter and chuckles at the two of us.
Cafe owner: Stories on the second floor and those related to the exhibits are real. So instead of saying that you’re looking at the exhibits, it’s more of you looking at authentic stories.
I steal a glance at Victor.
Victor: It’s your choice.
MC: Then let’s go to the second floor first!
MC: Coincidentally, most of the exhibits I’m interested in happen to be on the second floor as well.
Happily, I pick up my latte and tuck the exhibition brochure into my bag, determined to explore the second floor.
Victor is one step ahead of me and pushes open the door of the cafe for both of us, giving the cafe owner a slight nod before we leave.
When I turn back to look behind me, he has already taken my hand, pulling me towards the second floor.
After stepping up the last flight of stairs, the large exhibition hall appears before my eyes.
It’s not at all like what I had expected. There aren’t any mundane objects put on display here such as handwritten letters or small gifts. Instead, these are real pieces of artwork.
All sorts of beautiful sculptures, paintings, and musical instruments have been set up. Even the lighting is so beautiful that if I were to use exquisite words to praise it, it would still sound modest.
MC: It really is an art exhibition…
Victor: There are a few works from some of the best artists of their time. You should be careful not to miss any of them.
Even though the silence in this large exhibition hall is only broken by the sound of our footsteps, one lighter and one heavier, the interior decor of the exhibit is very cozy, lacking the coldness that keeps one at bay.
Pure white stone pillars, warm yellow lights, the lack of the usual glass coverings separating exhibits, and every placard for each exhibit seems as though it’s been handwritten by the person who contributed it.
Walking between the exhibits, the feeling I get is one of warmth, and the volume that I had been suppressing since I walked into the exhibition hall steadily grows.
MC: Victor, look at this!
I take out my phone and snap a picture of the oil painting hanging on a wall.
MC: The placard says that the artist’s girlfriend is known as ‘Mouse’. So in every piece of artwork, there’s an adorable mouse subtly hidden somewhere.
After pressing down on the shutter, I look up once again to search the artwork for a little mouse.
MC: Wow, he’s really creative! The mouse in every piece looks completely different!
MC: This chubby little one looks really cute, this one seems really sharp and intelligent… they all suit the theme of each artwork. If you don’t look very carefully, it’s difficult to notice them, and they don’t ruin the art at all.
With a hand stuffed into his pocket, Victor lifts his eyes to stare at these paintings, a look of contemplation surfacing on his face.
Victor: This exhibit is called “Marks”.
MC: Yeah… it’s a title which lets others easily understand what it’s about.
Victor turns around to give me a low chuckle.
Victor: If that’s the case, tell me what you understand from it.
MC: Are you testing me again?
I think about this for a moment, then rush to stop him before he can tell me the answer, shaking my head.
MC: I’ll tell you my answer later! But first, come with me to see another exhibit!
I pull Victor along with me to the walkway, deeper into the exhibition, following my memory of the exhibition brochure I had looked at earlier, and come to a stop in front of several thick diaries.
MC: This exhibit is called ‘Today’s Weather’. It’s the exhibit I wanted to center my program around.
MC: These are the diaries of a woman who wrote down everything about her life for a full ten years. In these diaries, she often mentions “Mr A”, the person she likes very much.
Victor nods, flipping open one of the books silently.
Victor: From what I can see of her personality from her writings, she seems to be quite similar to you.
MC: Do you know what’s written on the last page of her diary? ...‘Congratulations on your marriage’.
MC: The “Mr A” she liked so much rejected her confessions several times, and he later moved overseas, causing them to lose contact with each other. The next time she heard of him, it was an announcement of his marriage, and that’s where her diary stopped.
Victor’s hand pauses in flipping a page, his expression slightly dumbfounded.
Victor: So what was the point of her writing this diary?
I look at the yellowing pages of the diary, and think back to what the brochure had mentioned about it.
MC: There was no reason.
MC: She later said that this was her true life story - a simple and calm one. During these ten years, she studied hard and moved to the city, becoming a person in charge, a manager, and then a director… and never once gave up on herself.
MC: Although the entrance test she took back then was exceptionally difficult, she persevered with the thought that the school was rather close to the high school Mr A had once studied at.
MC: She felt that by attending a school near to his, she could bring their lives closer together.
MC: There were no waves of joy or anguish - only trivial sentiments.
Even though there were some incidents which made her feel sad, from the cute and excitable way she described everything in her diary, she lived rather well despite feeling some regret.
However, after saying so much, Victor doesn’t respond. I walk to his side and tug on his sleeve.
MC: We’ve finished looking at this exhibit. Do you want to leave?
Victor: Since this is the exhibit you wanted to use for your program, shouldn’t you take a few more photos before leaving?
MC: I planned to, but I thought you might find it pointless.
Under his questioning gaze, I answer honestly.
MC: I’m sure in CEO Victor’s mind, there are many more important things going on every day… you wouldn’t be interested in trivial things such as romantic sentiments. And even then, you’d be able to understand them easily.
Victor gives a small laugh.
Victor: If I weren’t interested in such things, why would I be accompanying you here over the weekend?
He glances back at the diaries, his expression one of deep contemplation.
Victor: In truth, the same emotions can be felt by different people. I can understand her feelings.
I never thought Victor would answer in such a manner.
MC: Do you think that it was a waste of her time to write these diaries?
Victor: No.
Victor’s gaze rests on a page.
Victor: The writer wrote it down herself - “The time I spent loving someone, not a single second of it was wasted.”
I rarely hear such words leave Victor’s mouth, and it makes me feel a little surreal. In my memory, we very rarely talk about the topic of ‘love’. Maybe it’s because he rarely says what’s in his heart. Maybe it’s because I’m used to being thick-skinned. We never have the opportunity to seriously understand the meaning in these words.
When he looks at these exhibits, do we feel the same emotions?
I contemplate this for a moment, before looking at him once more.
Victor: What do you want to say?
MC: I was thinking about what you asked me earlier.
I take two steps towards him. Even though the distance between us is small, he doesn’t step backwards. Instead, he simply turns towards me.
MC: I think a love like this is very interesting. You meet a person and feel such emotions.
MC: From that day onwards, you’re never the same person again, and are completely changed. Like some sort of… mark.
MC: It’s a sort of mark that can be left in literature or in a photograph… and I can feel it.
Victor’s eyes are lowered. In his clear and tranquil eyes, there are ripples of light and shadows.
Victor: Such as?
The smile tugging at the corner of his mouth is clear, and I ponder this seriously.
MC: For example, the way I write proposals has changed.
MC: The format of my proposals has changed. The indent of the first line, font size 15, 1.5 spacing between lines... it’s the format you find most pleasing to the eye!
Victor’s eyebrow quirks.
Victor: That’s all?
MC: There’s more! I’ve become so much more picky with food. I never used to complain that food tastes bad, but eating at Souvenir has cultivated my palate. Now, when I eat even Michelin meals, I feel as if something’s lacking…
Victor smiles slightly and shakes his head, taking my hand.
Victor: Come with me.
In the innermost room of the exhibition floor on the second floor is a display board. On it depicts the entire process of how the exhibition first began and how it expanded.
Above all the pictures of the people who’ve helped to plan this exhibition…
MC: It’s the cafe owner from earlier!
Victor: You made preparations before coming here, yet couldn’t recognise him?
MC: I was saying that he seemed very familiar!
MC: If that’s the case… the story of this exhibition - it should be his, isn’t it?
He fell in love with a girl’s literature and art secretly in his youth, yet didn’t know how to confess, and much time passed without progress. When he finally mustered up his courage to confess, the girl passed away from cancer.
Those are all the words written on a whiteboard, and they seem a little simple and stereotypical. But when I think about how a person experienced this, my heart can’t help but feel sad for him.
Victor: That’s why the name of this exhibition is ‘Speak Up’. The existence of these marks is how these feelings are being conveyed.
MC: No matter whether it’s from a tiny mouse hidden in each artwork, the longing written down in a diary, or a sculpture carved in the image of their lover - all of them bear their own longing in some way. Even this exhibition is a voice for the cafe owner to speak up about his past regrets.
All these fragments come together in my mind, moving my heart.
MC: Victor, even though this is a little old-fashioned… if I want to make a program about entering the New Year and about this ‘Speak Up’ exhibition, will you reject my proposal?
Victor’s gaze sweeps over me, his brows smoothening.
Victor: I’ll decide after I see the quality of the proposal.
After we finish viewing the exhibition, cold rain and freezing wind come the moment we step out of the exhibition hall. It was so sunny earlier… Why is it raining all of a sudden?
Victor: I’ll get Goldman to pick us up.
MC: Huh? That’s not needed-
I pull out the tickets for the exhibition in my bag.
MC: I remember that the complimentary gift with this exhibition is an umbrella! All we need to do is exchange the tickets at the counter.
Victor casually takes the tickets from my hand.
Victor: Wait here for me.
MC: Alright.
While waiting, I glance over at the cafe and happen to see the cafe owner closing up his cafe for the day. He turns the sign from OPEN to CLOSE, before locking the door and dropping the key into his pocket.
This seems to be his usual, everyday life.
He notices my gaze on him and gives me a quick wave in greeting, before heading into the exhibition hall.
This world has many people who can’t say what is most important to them… but I’m different.
When I snap out of my thoughts, Victor is already heading back to me, umbrella in hand. In the dark and gloomy night, the lights of the street lamps flicker, silhouetting him in light and shadow as he walks slowly towards me.
I see tiny droplets of water clinging to his hair, the hazy light shining in his eyes.
The marks that I have must be conveyed in the most direct way.
MC: Victor, do you hear the music being played in the exhibition hall?
Victor doesn’t catch the underlying meaning in my tone, and instead begins to explain it to me.
Victor: It’s to alert the people in the exhibition hall that it’s about to close.
I can’t help but give him another hint.
MC: That’s all you thought about? You don’t find the music somewhat familiar?
Victor falls silent, his brow furrowed, as if he’s really thinking hard about this.
Not giving him a second more to think, I run ahead of him with small steps, wearing a smile as I turn back to extend my hand to him.
MC: Would this gentleman honour me with a dance?
Victor’s eyes widen slightly.
MC: The first time you taught me dancing was to this song.
The world around us is silent, and all I can hear is the wild beating of my own heart, pounding with anticipation.
MC: This is how you’ve given me marks of my own… and changed me.
Warm fingers brush my palm. Before I can register what’s happening, he’s already pulled me into his embrace. Along with the violin’s melody, I move my feet to dance with Victor, and the two of us turn in a circle fluidly. Even though night is quickly falling, everything before me is filled with shining light.
Joy blooms in my heart with a thump, like a resplendent firework soaring into the night sky, exchanging greetings with the sky full of starlight.
There are no words to describe the happiness I feel in this moment.
MC: What about you?
Victor: Me?
MC: Don’t you have anything to say to me? After this afternoon of visiting the exhibition, I thought it would have left some sort of impression on you.
Victor pauses in his footsteps, holding me a little tighter. The light and hurried rain droplets are blown over by the gentle wind. He tilts the umbrella, blocking the drizzle completely.
Victor: Dummy.
Raindrops patter down on the umbrella, paired with the sound of his low voice; it’s as if all surrounding noises have faded away to nothing, and he’s the only one who exists in the world.
Victor: Because a certain greedy cat always says she wants to eat something sweet after dinner, I made pudding before leaving the house.
Victor: Do you think this is a mark of how I’ve been changed?
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How to Get to The End of Your Novel (Not Just 50K)
Every year, we’re lucky to have great sponsors for our nonprofit events. Dabble, a 2020 NaNoWriMo sponsor, gives you everything you need: manuscript, story notes, plotting, goals, drag-and-drop, auto-focus, auto NaNoWriMo word count submission, syncing between all devices (including mobile), and more. Today, they’ve teamed up with KJ Dell’Antonia from the #AmWriting podcast to bring you some tips on finishing your story:
I adore Nanowrimo. Tell me it’s impossible to write a whole novel in a month, especially a month with Thanksgiving in it, and I will set out to prove you wrong. My first novel, The Chicken Sisters (out 12/1 from Putnam) started as a NaNo project, and I’m hoping to be able to say that about my third as well.
That said, I know myself. My first novel clocks in at around 107K, my current WIP draft is at 99K. I favor long, convoluted sentences. I like to express things in sets of three—reasons the character is reacting as she is, emotions that are bombarding her, the ways her body responds—or even five: lists, smells, tastes, memories, expressions. And, as I have just demonstrated, I tend to use a lot of punctuation while I’m doing it.
I do this from the very beginning. If I’m writing a scene, I write a whole scene. The people move, they eat, they smell and taste and feel, they think about their backstory: the whole shebang. Historically, that’s meant two things. First, when November 30 rolls around, I’ll have 50,000 words—but I’ll only have a draft of about half of my story.
Second, I’ll have put in a lot of time writing those long sentences and elaborate scenes. The terrible truth about my first drafts is that the writing tends to be pretty good. The dialogue flows, the action moves, there’s humor and pathos and feeling in the way the characters interact with one another.
It’s the story that usually sucks.
Getting to The End, not The Middle
I suspect that to some extent it will always be this way for me. I plot, then I write, then I discover that the plot doesn’t create room to bring the character to the place where she needs to be and I have to go back and do it all over again. But I also suspect I could do that initial finding my way to a character arc and plot that weave together in a way that satisfies the whole a lot more efficiently if I just wrote fewer words.
Make a Plan, and Try Dabble
To do that, I need a plan that forces me out of my usual loquacious style, and here it is: I divide my 30 days and 50,000 words into a beginning (6 days, 10K) , a middle (18 days, 30K) and an end (6 days and 10K again). I use Dabble Writing Software to lay out the plot lines as they develop and try to maximize the number of things every scene advances—and I set it to count every word, not just the ones in the manuscript! World-building and character riffing are fine as long as I stick to the schedule.
Write Some, Pre-write Some or Just Say What Happens
Next, I pay attention to time and word count. If I’m lingering and I need to move along, I throw down some plans and some prewriting. Conversation about the Halloween event here. Town history TK. Some prescient line that recurs at end.
So that’s my weird NaNoWriMo 2020 plan: write fewer words, but get more of the whole picture on the page, with the goal of finding my way to “the end” instead of “the middle”. I know (and you know) that it won’t really be the end. There will be much, much work ahead—but I’ll have a draft. It will be a terrible draft, as it should be, but it will help me do the work I find hardest: not writing the scenes but finding the story. If I’m lucky I’ll be putting flesh on the bones; if I’m not, I’ll be rebuilding a scaffolding, not taking down a whole house.
KJ Dell’Antonia is the co-host of the #AmWriting podcast, a weekly show offering actionable advice on craft, productivity and creativity for writers in all genres. Her debut novel, The Chicken Sisters, will be out from G.P. Putnam’s Sons December 1, 2020. Follow her NaNoWriMo progress on Instagram: @kjda and find more at kjdellantonia.com.
Top photo by Anton Shuvalov on Unsplash.
#nanowrimo#writing#amwriting#podcast#finishing a novel#after 50K#now what#by nano sponsor#dabble#kj dell'antonia
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Long Night in the Valley chapter 9
“But what if it’s the hospital?” Inko asked, still staring at the phone, cheek cupped in one hand. “What if it’s an emergency with one of your patients? It could be important.”
It wasn’t. Mostly because nothing could possibly be as important as dealing with Midoriya Inko.
Without a doubt, the woman was the most difficult to deal with person in the entire world. It was no reflection on her personality, of course, but rather on her unique position.
Garaki could cope with rabid villains. He had handled heroes cursing him. He could even converse normally with All for One.
But then, compared to this woman, All for One was easy. As long as she wasn’t part of the picture, all Garaki had to do was follow orders. When she did, every interaction became a balancing act between All for Ones previous orders and not upsetting her.
Garaki was too valuable to All for One for the man to kill him, which only meant that Garaki had been on the receiving end of some truly creative punishments in the past.
Also, Midoriya Inko once threatened to pull his pancreas out of his nose if he ever spoke ‘like that’ to her son again. Truly, she was a match for All for One, who had threatened much the same thing only hours later, despite the fact the results presented had been ordered by him.
This was truly a terrifying situation, and he had to face it without even little Johnny at his side. How pitiful…
“Really,” said Inko, “I think you should answer it. Maybe it’ll give you some idea about how we can help Izuku.”
That seemed unlikely at best. Even so, it would be unwise to go against the wishes of All for One’s chosen queen.
He smiled tightly. “I’ll have to step out,” he said.
“Of course,” said Inko, nodding.
He stepped out if the dining room and checked the phone. It was Shigaraki Tomura. Because of course it was. Normally, he would have scrambled to answer, but… He looked over his shoulder, to make sure Midoriya Inko hadn’t spontaneously appeared there.
One way or another, he feared, he was going to die today.
No, he told himself, focus on the positives.
For example, Midoriya Inko seemed to have taken quite well to the longevity quirk All for One had slipped her while they were dating. Very well indeed. He’d already known that, of course, but it was good to see it in person. All for One’s youngest son was now in conflict with the heroes, even if he was still clinging to All Might’s emaciated skeleton. The call from Shigaraki Tomura meant that Gigantomachia hadn’t killed him while Garaki was distracted.
Overall, this day was going wonderfully.
He answered his phone.
“You f—”
Ah, so it was Shigaraki Tomura.
“How did you and Sensei manage to lose an entire-a—” And there he went again. “—ing feral child?”
Wait. Garaki knew about Midoriya Izuku. How did Shigaraki Tomura? “Er, what feral child?”
“The green brat! Except he’s not green anymore. He died his stupid puffball hair white—”
“—honestly, I always thought it was more broccoli—HA! He’s a cauliflower now-!”
“Shut up, Twice! He was wearing a suit, using Eraserhead’s quirk. Did you guys think I was stupid or something?”
“What?”
“Do you not have the news in your crappy lab?”
“Erm.”
“What are you even doing, that it took so long for you to pick up your phone?”
“Well…”
“Never mind. We need a fast travel out of here. This place is crawling with heroes, and the giant boss is going to wake up soon—”
“I can’t,” said Garaki. “I’m not in my lab.”
It wasn’t quite silent on the other side of the line.
“What do you mean, you aren’t in your lab?” A pause. “What are you doing, old man? Where are you?”
“I have to go, now,” said Garaki, feeling oddly detached. The phone beeped as he hung up on Shigaraki Tomura. He opened his news app.
Masterfully, he avoided crying as he read through the top local stories. The real shock was that All for One hadn’t broken out of prison yet.
Oh, and Eraserhead’s quirk, because he absolutely shouldn’t have been able to do that. The quirks of the past users, yes, fine, that made sense. The mechanism between All for One and One for All was presumably sufficiently similar. But Eraserhead’s, that was a different story.
Unless… The remnants…
Garaki found that he was very afraid.
He replayed the video of the incident. Mentally calculated the trajectory of All Might and the younger Midoriya. Perhaps… perhaps rather than taking a phone call, he should be making one.
.
“’S like Ragdoll,” explained Izuku, as the pair of One for All members limped through the forest. “Shiretoko-san, I mean.”
“Mhm,” said Toshinori, lifting Izuku over a spot that would give his sprained and swollen ankle some difficulty.
“Even though she can’t use Search anymore, there’s still remnants. She can- She can keep track of a lot more objects at once. Her organizational skills, visual acuity… Some things have actually improved, now that she’s not using that part of her head. The point is, not all of the support structures disappear when the quirk does. And I think- I think not all of the quirk itself goes away, either.”
“I’m not sure I follow you on that part.”
“It’s—It’s a, um. All for One, I think, physically, obviously, there has to be psionic component as well, the way it works is by destructively copying the quirk and the quirk factor of the target individual. It’s like—Like if there was a copier in a shredder? I guess? Can’t copy without destroying the original. But, yeah. There has to be a mental component. So, my—So, what, I mean, I mean what I—Hmmnnng.”
“My boy?”
“My head hurts.” He swiped ineffectively at his sluggishly bleeding nose.
Toshinori pressed his lips together, concerned. Izuku rarely admitted to feeling pain, no matter how beaten up he was. This must be serious.
“We have some painkillers,” said Toshinori.
“No,” said Izuku. “I’m okay. What was I-? I was saying… Quirks. My quirk when he—There’s still remnants, and the emergent behavior—” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “The bits left behind when he took my quirk, with One for All—assuming that’s what happened, and they’re not wrong—they let me access the past users’ quirks, and also since Saito-san’s quirk seems to interact with quirk ghosts, at least partially, it can use that to pick up Aizawa-sensei’s quirk. Probably could get the others’ as well, although I’m less confident about mutant quirks like Iida’s.”
For a moment, they let the conversation lapse.
“I think we’re handling these revelations very well,” opined Toshinori.
“I know, right?” Izuku giggled like someone at the edge of a very tall cliff. “Anyway, One for All uses more of a passive copying mechanism, but I’d guess there’s something wrong with its writing mechanism, unless the stockpile quirk just takes up all its time, or something, or there was a problem with interpretation? Or, or! The others are wrong about me ever having a quirk, and it’s really just One for All finally processing and writing in the other quirks. Maybe because I’m genetically closer to One than any of the others?” Izuku’s breath caught.
“Izuku?”
“Toshinori,” he whined, “it hurts…”
“What does?”
“Everything,” said Izuku. “My head. My eyes.” He’d mostly relied on Toshinori’s vision while navigating through the forest. Since using Aizawa-sensei’s quirk, he’d barely opened his eyes.
“We’ve made some distance since we landed,” said Toshinori. “Why don’t we rest for a little while?”
“We can’t,” protested Izuku. “We’re still too close.”
“Izuku, you’re suffering from quirk exhaustion.”
“Oh,” said Izuku. “Oh. I guess I never felt—Never felt it before? Because I’d just break my bones first.”
Toshinori visibly cringed. “If I understand what you just said correctly,” he said, taking Izuku by the shoulders and guiding him gently towards a fallen tree, “what you did back there with young Aizawa’s quirk was akin to running a race with a broken leg.”
“W-well, I mean, only if—only if—they’re right about it being my quirk. And n-not just something One for All can do.”
“Mm,” said Toshinori, dubiously. “Even then, it isn’t something quite natural for you, is it? And this right after receiving Float.”
“It,” said Izuku, frowning, and letting himself be directed. “Actually, it felt… Good? Right before it started hurting. Like… satisfying, almost? Like when I used One for All for the first time… Well, before I realized all my bones were broken.”
“It wasn’t quite all of them, was it?”
Izuku shrugged. He blinked slowly as he sat down on the log. “It’s cold.”
“It is December,” said Toshinori, unzipping his coat. “Let me see here, I had some winter clothing for you in here somewhere… and we should take a better look at your ankle.” He sat down next to Izuku, who immediately leaned towards him, not quite touching.
On impulse, Toshinori wrapped the open edge of the coat around Izuku, pulling him close.
Izuku rested his head against Toshinori’s chest and brought up his knees to hug them. “This’s warm,” he mumbled.
“How about,” said Toshinori, “you just rest for a few minutes. Then we can sort everything else out.”
“Okay…”
.
“Well,” said Recovery Girl, entering the conference room the hospital had lent them, “no one is in any danger of dying.”
“But?” said Hitoshi, bracing himself for bad news.
“No but. They’re all fine, beyond not waking up, but you all already knew that. So.” She hopped into a seat at the table they’d all squeezed around. “What have you found out?”
She directed the question to Hizashi, who had his head in his hands, his elaborately styled hair almost hitting Jirou and Kaminari, who were seated across from him.
“Midoriya has a sentient quirk and no one bothered to mention it.”
“I’m not sure Midori knew,” said Tsuyu. “It does seem like something he’d mention.”
“I don’t know,” said Kaminari. “He’s, like, weirdly cagey about his quirk.”
Tokoyami crossed his arms. “Hm. He may have been hiding it. Possession of a sentient quirk casts one into the shadow of the commission’s regard.”
“Huh?”
“People with sentient quirks are monitored by the Hero Commission,” said Hitoshi. “Just like people with ‘villainous’ quirks.
“He was not hiding, mes amis,” said Aoyama. “That’s absurd! He was simply a late bloomer, like myself.”
“Does it really matter if he knew or not?” asked Jirou. “Everyone has stuff they’d rather not tell other people.”
“She’s right,” said Kayama-sensei.
“Well,” said Yaoyorzu, “we’re going to try to help him, aren’t we?”
There was a murmur of agreement.
“But how?”
“Overthrow the government?” suggested Jirou.
“Start a social media campaign?” said Kaminari, at the same time.
They looked at each other.
“And you call yourself an anarchist,” scoffed Jirou.
“In my defense, I have never once called myself an anarchist.”
“As much as I like the idea of overthrowing the government, the social media idea is probably more doable,” said Hitoshi. “I mean, there’s only fourteen of us here. What are we going to do against the government?”
“As much as I hate to say it,” said Kayama-sensei, “we do have more resources than just the people in this room. Like the person who sent us to extract you in the first place.”
“You mean,” said Shouji, voice hushed, “the rat god?”
Kayama-sensei blanched. “Where did you hear that?”
All the students, including Hitoshi, pointed at Hizashi, because, really, she should have known that. Actually, wait, one of them hadn’t and had instead buried his face in his hands. That was… Kouda. Yeah. Kouda.
“What’s up with him?” asked Hitoshi.
Mineta snickered. A baleful collective glare was turned on him.
“What?” he whined.
Aoyama sighed. “Midoriya once asked him if he could control our fantabulous Principal Nezu, since Principal Nezu is technically an animal.”
“Ever since then,” continued Yaoyorozu, “he has a crisis whenever the principal is brought up.”
“Man,” said Kaminari, nodding in Hitoshi’s direction, “I bet that if Midoriya was here, he’d be asking you if you could control Principal Nezu, since he’s not human.”
… That was a good question.
“Speaking of Midoriya,” said Satou, as if they hadn’t been doing exactly that all along, “I don’t think we can overthrow the government without him. He’s our plan guy, usually.”
“Even with Nezu?” asked Hizashi.
The members of class 1-A seemed thoughtful.
“Maybe.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” said Mineta, “we’re serious about that? I thought it was a joke.”
“Okay,” said Yaoyorozu, “perhaps we should discuss our other options first.”
“Oh!” said Aoyama. “We could become vigilantes!”
“What… What would be the point of that?” asked Hitoshi.
Aoyama did not have an answer.
Hizashi’s phone started ringing. “Oh, no,” he said, “it’s him. Does he know I’ve been calling him the rat god behind his back?”
“Probably,” said Kayama-sensei, “but I don’t think that’s what this is about.”
Hizashi answered his phone. “Heeeeeyyyyyy, Principal Nezu, what-? Oh! Oh, yeah, yeah, we were planning on that, but we weren’t sure—yeah, yeah, I’ll tell them, and –” He went pale. “You already knew about that, huh? Haha, yeah, yep, okay, okay. See you soon?” He cringed as he hung up. “He wants us all back at school before the commission decides to interrogate us. Also, he said to check the news.”
“It’s just going to be more slander of Midoriya,” said Jirou, looking at her own phone, “why both—Oh.”
“Still can’t believe they think Midoriya kidnapped All Might,” mumbled one of Shouji’s free mouth hands as Hitoshi unlocked his own phone.
“I know. Do you remember when he came into the cafeteria to ask Midoriya to eat lunch with him?” asked Kaminari.
“Which time?” asked Dark Shadow, cackling.
“It was cute, kero,” said Asui. “I have pictures.”
“We can use those for the social media campaign!”
Hitoshi’s news app loaded. He looked up and met Jirou’s eyes. Judging by her pale face, what he’d seen wasn’t a hallucination.
.
“Am I a dog, a mouse, or a bear?” chirped Nezu as he answered his phone. “One thing’s for sure, I’m Principal Nezu? How can I help you, Mr. Hero Commission President?”
“I’m sure you’re following the news,” said the president.
“Of course,” said Nezu, patting Eri’s head. She’d been staring at his phone like a predator faced with prey since he answered. They had, indeed, been watching the news.
“We need Midoriya Izuku’s medical records and the blood sample you have from him. You should have it ready by the time our investigators arrive.”
“Oh? Investigators?”
“To search Midoriya Izuku’s personal effects for clues. You should also prepare Chisaki Eri, Togata Mirio, and the teachers involved in Midoriya Izuku’s education for questioning.”
“Thank you for giving me a heads up, Mr. President.”
There was a suspicious silence on the other end of the line. “What are you planning?”
“Nothing at all!”
“You aren’t going to win this fight.”
“What fight, Mr. President? Aren’t we both on the side of heroes?”
“If you get in our way, I will make sure your precious school goes down with Midoriya.”
“Oh-ho! Is that a threat, Mr. President?”
“A promise. Public opinion isn’t something you can think your way out of, and UA has been on thin ice since the attack on the USJ.”
“I see,” said Nezu, fighting against the urge to bare his teeth and snarl. “In any case, I will not stand in the way of the law.”
“Good.”
The line went dead. “Oh, dear,” said Nezu. “He really doesn’t understand me at all.”
“What areya going to do?” asked Eri.
“Follow the law,” said Nezu.
Eri scowled.
“Bothering by the book, sir?” asked Togata, who had been hiding in Aizawa’s kitchen, baking.
“Oh, yes. The good heroes who were here earlier had the authority to request a piece of Midoriya-kun’s clothing, but what Mr. Hero Commission President is asking for is quite different.”
“How?” asked Eri.
“They need certain forms and paperwork in order to force me to do so much as let them in the front gate. Which cannot, of course, be opened to outsiders by teachers without my express permission. And if I am involved in an emergency involving one of my wards at the time…”
“That’s me!” said Eri, bouncing on the couch.
“Indeed, it is.”
“So,” she said, “I’ve got to be an em-er-gen-cy?” she asked, carefully sounding out the word.”
“You don’t need to do anything,” said Nezu, “except say that I was occupied with you when the commission representatives arrived.”
Eri nodded very seriously. “Can we watch Deku kick the bad guy again?”
Nezu chortled.
“Did I say something funny?” asked Eri, her face pinching again.
“Not at all, not at all. I’m just imagining how others might react to you calling Hawks a bad guy.”
“He’s fighting Deku, so he’s a bad guy.”
“Immaculate logic, young lady,” said Nezu, patting Eri on the head.
.
Izuku walked through Nana’s misty memories, searching for her and Suzuki.
Hopefully, Nana hadn’t reached through the dream to kill the guy in real life. He didn’t like Suzuki. In fact, he pretty much hated him. But murder was still, well, murder.
He had some things to talk to Nana about.
The far more comprehensive connection he currently had to One for All, thanks to Saito-san’s quirk, meant that he knew far more than he usually did, about One for All, the others, All for One, and even himself. Enough that he was twitching for his notebook and pencil, because he was afraid he would forget once the quirk wore off.
One of the things he knew now was that One for All had usability adaptations. Little things that tweaked the user’s body and subconscious in such a way that made the quirk actually viable. Required secondary powers, to use an older term.
A common one was the heat and burn resistance most fire users had. Bakugou had lighters in his palms to set his sweat off. Tokoyami had amazing night vision. Hagakure was resistant to cancer.
One for All read the DNA of potential recipients, to see if they could handle the quirk. One couldn’t go shoving quirks into random people all willy-nilly, even if the quirk in question was One for All. That’s why the noumu were so messed up. All for One didn’t have that compatibility-checking adaptation.
But since compatibility here was a function of both mentality and DNA… that meant…
“Were you ever going to tell me that we’re all related?” he asked Nana. “Speaking of which.” He pointed at the memory-shade of a young Gran Torino. “How is it that everyone I’m related to is so tall? Why are Mom and I midgets? And where did the green hair come from? I’m having a crisis.”
Nana chuckled, but it was a sad sound. “Thanks for trying to cheer me up, kiddo.”
(The effect would have been better if her boots weren’t stained with blood.)
“Okay, but seriously,” said Izuku, sitting on the railing next to Nana. They watched the memory play out. “You guys all knew. Why didn’t you say anything? I think Toshinori’d be happy to be related to you, even if it’s only tangentially.”
“But would he be happy with the other part?”
“Huh?”
“Being related to him.”
“I think he’d overlook that. I mean, One was related to him, too. So it doesn’t really matter. And I’m…” He faltered. They had yet to confront this particular thing.
“You should talk to One and Four,” suggested Nana, gently. “Their perspective is probably closest to yours.”
“Will I have time?”
“As long as we’re with you, eventually,” said Nana. “This,” she gestured at the dreamscape, “changes things. You know this feeling, now. You won’t forget.”
Izuku nodded. “Should I call you grandma, now?”
“That makes me feel old.”
“You are old.”
“Ouch, kid. But sure.”
“That aside, I do want to know where the green hair comes from.”
Nana sighed. “It’s from me. I used to dye my hair. Then I got a stylist to permanently change it with a quirk.”
“But… why?”
Nana slumped sideways. “The kids at my school… They were always saying, ‘Oh, Nana, you’re so green. Just like your name. Green Vegetable Nana.”
“Name related trauma is something we have in common.”
“Unfortunately.”
“So. Suzuki.”
“Under that rock.” She pointed to a massive boulder.
Izuku sighed. “What are we going to do with him?”
“Your call,” said Nana.
“Does it have to be?”
.
Gigantomachia shrugged dirt and trees from his shoulders and sniffed the air. The radio around his neck crackled as the doctor stopped transmitting. This, he decided, catching the scent of the Little Lord, was a joyful day.
Only once before had he received the privilege of smelling this scent. That day was eternally carved into his memory. The Little Lord had been so small, but so smart! So cunning! So much better than Shigaraki Tomura!
Machia wondered if he would still be small, or if he had grown up to be as big as Lord! Or even Machia!
Probably, he would not be as big as Machia. Still!
How wonderful!
Machia wondered if the Little Lord would smile at him again. That had been nice.
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Sick Day (NOS4A2 Drabble)
A/N: Holy shit! I actually wrote something?! Well, unfortunately, this is probably gonna be my only fic for a while since I’m gonna be so busy. But I hope you all enjoy some Charlie fluff! It helped to let my creative muse out amongst my stress! (Also, I own a Totoro like the toy pictured above) ;)
Sick Day
NOS4A2 Drabble
By: Bunny Louise Grimes
That Friday, the stretches of farmland rolled along beside the Wraith as we went for a leisurely drive. The clouds were grey, the spring air was cool, and dew covered the windows. We took a rest outside of a beautiful and abandoned hospital to eat our fries and crack each other up. Nearby, a park sat where Charlie pushed me on the swings. But by the time we decided to head back home and order a pizza, I noticed I was feeling a bit tired. While ordering the pizza, I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. The only interesting (and scary) thing on was a news segment discussing how a shooter at a restaurant two towns over had threatened to kill people (something like an altercation with his girlfriend who was a waitress perhaps?), and he was still at large.
“Well, that explains the helicopters we’ve been seeing and hearing,” I said.
“Indeed,” Charlie nodded. “We’ll have to be careful tonight and make sure everything is locked up so that he doesn’t try to hide here, especially since this house is the perfect place to hide. Out in the middle of nowhere, miles of forest to run, the mountains... good thing my Wraith has a mind of her own, because if he thinks about hiding there, he’ll be ran over.”
After I ordered the pizzas from my laptop, we went out for another small drive in the grey skies to retrieve them. By then, my tiredness had gotten worse, and I noticed my body had a dull ache. I wrapped myself up in my yellow sweater tighter. Besides that, I was wearing green floral leggings, green socks, and black Mary Janes. It was already a cool afternoon, but it wasn’t this freezing, so why was I so cold? I thanked the fact my hair was done in a pair of long fluffy puppytails held together by my green ribbons so that I had an extra layer of warmth.
“I’m concerned I might be coming down with something,” I told Charlie. “I’m starting to feel real tired, cold, and achy.”
“Well, we’ll see how you feel,” he said. “If you start to feel really sick, we’ll have our answer and we’ll give you medicine.”
After coming home and eating our pizza, my tiredness, alongside my full stomach, overtook me, and I fell asleep. When I woke up from a bizarre dream, I realized how cold, achy, and tired I was. Charlie felt my head and observed that I was feeling very hot. He took into consideration how cold his body temperature was and placed the tympanic thermometer from the bathroom into my ear. I was 100 degrees Fahrenheit on the dot, a definite fever.
He presented me with medicine and he carried me upstairs, where I fell asleep once more. When I woke up from even more odd dreams, my fever had increased to almost 103 degrees. I had developed a headache and chest discomfort. I went to the bathroom due to an odd sensation in my stomach, and I realized what it was once I was done.
“Charlie,” I called weakly to the hallway. “I have diarrhea too!”
“Well, all of this is most unfortunate,” Charlie sighed. “We should call the doctor and he can figure out what’s wrong.”
He got on the landline and contacted the local doctor. I ended up with an appointment that day at three. Charlie helped me change into the clothes I wore yesterday, and he helped me rebraid my hair. When we arrived 30 minutes later, there was only a few other people in the doctor’s office. I was the second person to be called. After a quick checkup and a quick talk with the nurse about my symptoms, the doctor walked in five minutes later and concluded I had the flu.
“Flu season’s in fall and winter,” he said. “It peaks between December and February, but it can run even as late as now. It happens sometimes, someone has it and you just catch it. It’s pesky influenza, you can get it at anytime.” He turned to Charlie. “That elderberry medicine was good thinking. Keep giving her that so it will help her immune system. I also recommend Vitamin C, so orange juice is a good drink idea. Here’s an antiviral prescription.” He gave the paper to Charlie. “I’ll call the pharmacy, you’ll be able to pick it up in a few hours.” He turned back to me. “In the meantime, you just take lots of rest and stay hydrated, especially with your diarrhea. Since your stomach might be upset, you should eat lighter things like crackers.” He chuckled and smiled, saying, “I assume you know all this, however, given you are in the medical field yourself.”
I nodded, laughing as best I could. “I don’t work as a nurse now since moving here, but at anytime, if I do need to work, I think this would be a good place.”
He beamed. “Absolutely! I’m glad you think so! You seem like the person we’d like on board. But you focus on your health first.”
After leaving, Charlie took me home, where I switched into my pajamas and cuddled up with some of my ponies (Razzaroo, Minty, Wysteria, Sweetberry, Cotton Candy, Sunny Daze, Sparkleworks, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Kimono), Kuchi Kopi (who glowed a comforting green), and my stuffed Totoro on the couch.
“I’ll make you some soup,” Charlie said. “You want some Progresso rice soup with Taco Bell sauce?”
“Just like when I was a kid,” I smiled. “Yes. Can you put in A Charming Birthday so I can watch something small for a little bit?”
He put in the pony VHS tape and went into the kitchen. The soup was done and I had adjusted myself on the couch. He also presented me with orange juice in a glass and ice. I ate my soup and drank my OJ carefully while Charlie turned on the news again once the twenty minute short was over. The culprit from yesterday had been caught, so there was no need to worry about him on the loose anymore. Other than that, the news became annoying, so I asked Charlie if we could watch a movie.
“Could we watch My Neighbor Totoro?” I asked.
“What is that?” He looked puzzled.
“It’s one of the movies I brought. It’s from the 80’s, animated, and from Japan.”
He looked at the clock. “Let me get your medicine. I’ll have to get it in about fifteen minutes, and you know it takes ten minutes to get to town. Finish your soup while I’m gone and I’ll make you some hot chocolate upon my return.”
I nodded, changed the channel to Two Broke Girls, and we exchanged a kiss before he left once more. I had finished my soup almost ten minutes later and my stomach felt slightly upset (not the fault of the food, it had to have just been my stomach being in the state it was in). I weakly stumbled upstairs, chills hitting my aching body without my blanket, and did my business in some discomfort. I did my best to clean myself up with painfilled muscles. I felt clean and wrapped up what I needed to do. The lilac smell of the soap and the warm water I was using to clean my hands up smelled and felt refreshingly pleasant on my ill body.
I snuggled with my toys when I returned downstairs and chuckled at Caroline and Max’s antics to get more money until Charlie returned home. I took my medicine (including the elderberry medicine he gave me yesterday) and he made me hot chocolate, alongside a plate of crackers. He put in the Totoro DVD and I anticipated seeing the serene and beautiful world associated with Studio Ghibli movies. I was snuggled up with Charlie and had my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a kiss on the forehead.
“Are you feeling any better?” He asked.
“Physically, no, but emotionally, yes.”
“I’ve never seen this movie before. How good is it?”
“Very. It’s comforting, light hearted, and filled with lots of innocence and imagination.”
He smiled. “Hmm, seems like it’s right up my alley. I’m intrigued.” He picked up the case. “What is a Totoro?”
“He’s a forest spirit. He’s a mix between a cat, owl, and raccoon. You’ll like him, he’s a gentle giant.”
We watched the entire movie, the two of us making side comments every now and then, and Charlie loved every minute of it. By the time the famous ending credits serenaded, I was ready for a nap. Charlie turned it to Ghost Adventures reruns. I desperately wanted to stay awake, but I knew by then I couldn’t. I didn’t mind too much because I knew I had all of their episodes on DVD. I warned Charlie I might fall asleep.
“That’s fine,” he said, kissing my forehead. “This is just so you have something you like to lull you to sleep. I might take a nap myself.”
Within minutes, I fell asleep and had vivid dreams inspired by the movie (something about it raining and Totoro roaring and flying in the night sky while I was roaming around a gorgeous forest). When I woke up, I needed water. I went into the kitchen and downed as much as I could. Charlie woke up a few minutes later. I had to go to the bathroom again and Charlie helped me this time.
“I feel very sweaty and gross,” I sighed.
“You want a warm bubble bath?” He asked.
“You’d give me one?”
“Of course.”
I slipped my pajamas off and he filled the clawfoot bathtub with warm water and and sparkly white bubbles. He made it smell like two soaps called Cosmic RainbowBerries and Old Fashioned Flowers. Once again, my cold, achy body felt exposed, but stepping into the soapy water melted it away. The scent was amazing, and his firm and gentle hands cleaning my weak body made me sigh in pure content. He unbraided my hair and I embraced every moment of his nails and fingers working their way through my scalp. All the while, he was softly humming “Put Your Head On My Shoulder.”
Once I was all clean, he wrapped me in a soft towel as quick as he could so I would not freeze while he dealt with the tub. I picked out a long and soft nightgown with strawberries on it and thigh high flowered socks. I wandered back into the bathroom so he could blow dry my hair and rebraid it.
“Why look at you! You smell as clean as a spring flower! Perhaps the first rose in the meadow? Fitting for your name, dear!”
I laughed and hugged him. “I certainly feel like one thanks to you.”
When we returned downstairs, he began making chili for me, and I decided to play some Call of Duty Zombies. I took more medicine before I played and drank more water as I did. After eating it, talking with Charlie about various things, and snuggling up with him while playing, sleepiness took over again. By the time I went down from running out of options and being surrounded by the undead, I was about to fall asleep on Charlie’s lap, controller still in hand.
“I think, my darling, it’s time for you to find a more comfortable place for your head,” he coyly teased. “And as I would consider myself a gentleman first and foremost, I would certainly rather have my lady comfortable in a bed rather than my lap.”
I lifted up and rubbed my eyes. “Ugh, you’re right, my fever might be getting a tiny bit high again because it’s night. Sorry, baby.”
He kissed my cheek. “No, no, it’s quite alright. You are correct your fever might be higher now. Let’s head to bed.”
We turned everything off, I put my ponies (with the exception of a random three of Minty, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash) and Totoro back where they belonged, but I held onto Kuchi Kopi. He carried me to bed as I snuggled with my toys and blanket in his arms. I set my ponies and Kuchi Kopi near the lamp on my side of the bed. I brushed my teeth, went to the bathroom one more time (but not to deal with my stomach, luckily, that would maybe be saved for the morning), cleaned off my glasses, and hopped into bed. Charlie has brought up my glass of water and set it near my lamp as well. He turned off the light and left us with the comforting white hallway light and Kuchi Kopi from beside me. We snuggled into bed under the covers and I held onto him.
“Thank you for taking care of me today and helping me every step of the way,” I kissed him on the cheek.
“Of course, my dear, anything for you. I know you’d do the same for me... well, if I could get sick, but I don’t, hence why I was able to take care of you to the extent I could without fearing exposure. But even if I wasn’t a vampire and could get ill, I’d still take care of you.”
“Awww, sugarpop ,” I kissed him again. “I wouldn’t want you to get sick. I wouldn’t force you to do it. I’m not even forcing you now.”
“I would anyways, and you know this.” He rested his chin on my scalp.
“You are the sweetest man alive, you know that?”
“And you are the sweetest girl alive. Once you are feeling better, would you like to visit the children? I am sure they would love to see their stepmother all healthy and well.”
“I’d love that, and we could make pillow forts, eat cookies and oatmeal, drink hot cocoa and watch Totoro together...” My eyes fluttered just at the thought and my body sunk into his.
“They would love that deeply,” he agreed. “I admit, in some ways, those two little girls in that movie remind me of my own Millie and Lorrie. I think they’d relate to their sisterly bond.”
“Mmmhmmm...” I snuggled closer to him, about to drift off.
“Good night, mignon,” he whispered. “I love you.”
“Good night... I love you too...” I mumbled.
We both fell into deep sleep. It had been a rough two days feeling as ill as I did, and I knew the next few days would be the same, but I had Charlie by my side to help take care of me. And that would make all the difference.
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Liberated Audio Reviews
Blake's 7 - The Liberator Chronicles Vol. 6
RELEASED OCTOBER 2013
Recorded on: 2, 10 and 30 October and 13 December 2012
Recorded at: Moat Studios
Review By Robert L. Torres
Incentive by Peter Anghelides
'The Liberator crew are recovering from a Galactic War and searching for their lost members Blake and Jenna. But it’s a search that leads them into terrible danger…'
Because this story marks the return of Steven Pacey to the role of Del Tarrant, I think it is best that I get my views on the character out of my system before getting to the rest of the review.
Honestly.... Out of the main characters that have come and gone on the show during its four season run, there are two that I do not count as my favorites.
The first is Soolin, largely due to how bland and one note the character was compared to the character she was brought on to replace in Series D... Cally.
The other character is Del Tarrant, and I shall endeavor to explain why I dislike him despite Steven Pacey's fine performance.
From the first moment he appeared on the show, there was something about him that just rubbed me the wrong way. For years I knew it was the character himself that seemed like the problem... But I could never work out why.
This story finally brought to light why I disliked Tarrant's character. He was a young, cocky, hot shot with loyalties only to himself... Basically a less charming and less endearing version of Star Lord. He was impatient, brash, and only seemed to be throwing in his lot with the resistance for no other reason than for fame and glory.
In addition, Tarrant seemed to go out of his way to get under everyone's skin (or rather just Avon's), and always bristled under Avon's command.
I understand that with Gareth Thomas having left the series, they needed to create a new character to go up against Avon on the decision making, much in the same way Avon used to butt heads with Blake. Except the dynamic between Avon and Tarrant, from what I remember, was different and far more antagonistic than it was between Blake and Avon. Avon was an Alpha dog, but Tarrant was also an Alpha dog. This is probably why most of their disagreements, from what I remember, tended to come across like dick wagging contests.
It has been a while since I saw the series proper, but there are only two things of any significance regarding Tarrant that I remember. The first was the Series C episode 'Death Watch', which I think involved his twin brother Deeta. The other was the episode 'Sand' from Series D, which involved him and Servalan being trapped on a planet together... Having conjugal relations.
While the character of Del Tarrant isn't my favorite, Anghelides does a pretty good job of at least attempting to shed a bit of light on his character. This is accomplished by focusing on his desperate desire to stand out from the crowd and make a name for himself on par with the legendary Blake and Jenna.
The story begins not long after Tarrant and Dayna have officially joined the crew. During their latest attempt to locate Blake and Jenna, Tarrant and Avon are captured and interrogated while strapped to an electro-shock lie detector. This dual focused narrative split is in itself a pretty interesting dig at unreliable narratives, especially given that both Tarrant and Avon receive electro shocks whenever they aren't being completely truthful in their recollections.
By the way, kudos to Adrian Lukis for his exquisite portrayal of Interrogator Bracheeni. The scenes that featured him interacting with Tarrant and Avon were actually some of the best parts of the story. The revelation of who and what Bracheeni is added a great deal to the narrative, especially in providing an explanation as to why the Liberator crew had to abandon the search for Blake and Jenna.
All things considered, it is nice to get an actual in-universe explanation as opposed to what actually happened: the plot thread being dropped without explanation, forcing viewers to accept the fact that Blake and Jenna weren't coming back... Ever.
While there are some interesting ideas and set ups featured in the story, the narrated recollections are not really that engaging. In addition, my problem with this story is the same problem I had with Volume Three's 'Armageddon Storm'. Its a narrated story that should have been done as a full cast audio.
Final Score: 6 out of 10 Plasma Bolts
As it stands, this story does its job of filling an hour and retroactively provides answers to lingering questions, thus making it essential. However, this is marred by being an uneven story that is only half engaging.
Jenna's Story by Steve Lyons
'Jenna's story is finally told - from her escape from the Liberator during the Galactic War, to her determination to continue the fight against the Federation alone… with the odds stacked against her.'
When Big Finish Productions obtained the rights to produce new stories set within Series A through C of Blake's 7, this not only opened up story avenues to provide greater focus stories for many of its characters, but also an opportunity to fill in a couple of gaps in the narrative.
While 'Incentive' was an uneven story, it still managed to do what the show itself was unable or unwilling to do at the time: explain why the Liberator crew abandoned their search for Blake and Jenna.
Answering lingering questions seems to be this boxset's central theme as the next two stories are focused on what happened to the characters that literally jumped ship at the end of Series B, Jenna and Blake.
According to dialogue spoken by Cally in early Series C, it was always assumed that Jenna was with Blake when they abandoned ship during the Galactic War. It was also naturally assumed that Jenna had been with Blake the whole time during Series C and D.
Turns out that wasn't the case at all... Which actually works to the benefit of this story and the next.
Here, Jenna recounts how she spent her time surviving and fighting during the events of Series C and leading into Series D. It provides Sally Knyvette with great material and also serves as a reminder of what made me, personally, fall out of love with the series during Series D... Particularly with the way the series ended.
Let me be clear, as much I personally didn't like not having Blake and Jenna around on the show anymore, Steve Lyons managed to craft an exceptional Jenna-centric story that absolutely had to be told. This story, as well as the next one, managed to do a much better job implementing the central themes of what was meant to be on display during Series C and particularly during Series D: how the crusade that Blake started with hope and optimism slowly but surely devolved into cynicism, suspicion, self-interest and ultimately self-destruction.
This is highlighted well during Jenna's dealings with Correll, played by John Banks, and his disrespectfully dismissive attitude towards people with 'noble causes', his derogatory disbelief in 'heroes', as well as his overriding, self-serving self-interest.
Kudos to Banks for portraying someone that's basically an unlikeable, selfish jerk without becoming despicable.
The crux and climax of the story is based on a line of dialogue Blake tells Tarrant during the series finale regarding Jenna's ultimate fate. While the moment itself is thrilling and well executed, I had hoped that it was a lie as part of Blake's test or something. Still, what was crafted here is suitably tragic as it showcases the depths of Jenna's devotion, and even her love, for Blake.
The ultimate tragedy being that, in the end, she never did get to tell Blake how she felt about him... and how much he meant to her.
Final Score: 10 out of 10 Plasma Bolts
A superbly satisfying sendoff and sublime swansong for Sally's Stannis!
Blake's Story by Mark Wright and Cavan Scott
'Blake's story is finally told - from his escape from the Liberator during the Galactic War, to his new life as a troubled, scarred man on a distant rebel world…'
Before getting into the review, I have to state that while I understand the reasons why Gareth Thomas and Sally Knyvette left the show at the end of Series B, it is my opinion that the show lost quite a bit of its inherent identity once Blake and Jenna were gone.
While many contend that promoting the late Paul Darrow to lead actor was the creative booster shot the show needed, there is a reason the show was still called Blake's 7 and not Avon's 7.
No matter who is given the spotlight and focus, Blake's presence is still very embedded within the show's DNA. Despite his absence, Blake's influence is still keenly felt by those that inhabit this fictional universe... Both directly and indirectly.
While the storytelling avenues may have opened up for the rest of the cast, the audience would still inevitably wonder, 'Where the hell is Blake? When is he coming back?' Largely because the audience was still interested in seeing Blake's story continue.
Both Gareth Thomas and Chris Boucher no doubt understood this to be absolutely true. As long as the Roj Blake character remained alive, but missing from a show that bared his character's name, then Gareth Thomas would not have been able to truly move forward in his career.
Which is why its no surprise that the most memorable moment in the entire series came about at Thomas' insistence.
But this isn't about how Blake's story ends... Its about the circumstances Blake experienced during Series C and D that led to his ultimate fate on Gauda Prime. And I am pleased to say that Wright and Scott do an excellent job filling in the blanks of Blake's journey.
From landing on the planet Epheron in his escape pod, to attempting to reunite with the Liberator (which includes Blake visiting the planet Shorlan post-Armageddon Storm), to being captured, tortured and accused of treachery by the Resistance (thus explaining the scar over his eye he displayed in the series finale), its all presented here brilliantly. I also appreciate how engaging these moments are, and aren't treated as plot points to check off.
The late Gareth Thomas really did a great job with this material, displaying the same charisma and intensity he had shown throughout his tenure on the show, which is doubly unfortunate that he had opted out after Series B.
The framing device utilized for Blake recounting events is brilliant, and the twist reveal is actually rather clever... If a little unsurprising. However, it serves the narrative well as it goes to the heart of the tragic and ironic inevitability that lies ahead for Blake, particularly in his connection to Avon.
Despite their disagreements and opposing ideals... And no matter how often Avon secretly wished to be rid of Blake... They still needed each other.
It often reminds me of why the Doctor chooses to travel with companions, the companions keep the Doctor grounded and keep the Doctor from going too far for the sake of selfish self interest and so on.
While neither one would ever admit it, Blake and Avon had the ability to keep each other in check. And even though Blake said at the end of 'Star One' and even near the end of this story that he always trusted Avon... Its only with the benefit of hindsight do we question whether or not that trust was warranted.
Final Score: 10 out of 10 Plasma Bolts
A truly satisfying sendoff for the original star of the show.
Final score for Volume 6 of the Liberator Chronicles, in its entirety, is 8 out of 10 Plasma Bolts.
This is an essential set of stories for longtime fans. Even though there are six more boxsets of stories left in the range, if the Liberator Chronicles audio range ended here, it would have ended on a major high note.
As an aside, while the next six boxsets have produced some outstanding stories, I personally feel that both 'Jenna's Story' and 'Blake's Story' should have been the stories utilized as the finale for the Liberator Chronicles range overall.
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Questions or comments:
Email - [email protected]
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December 7th, 2019
THE ROAD TO FASHION
Love creates all things...
I stumbled into fashion entirely by accident. There was no "Ah Ha" moment where I said this is what I want to do for a living, no growing up with a shoe or purse addiction, no need to have brand name clothes or continually sketch the newest trending designs in my notebook. It was a lot more basic than that.
As a young twenty something, I knew that I wanted to start my own business - that was it. I had no plan, no idea what I wanted to sell or what my business should be called but like many modern day entrepreneurs I decided it would be a good idea to open an Etsy shop. I took the first step down the road that day and I didn't even realize it.
Now when you've never run a business before you learn quite quickly that it is not as easy as it looks even with Etsy's cheat sheets. Setting up shop took quite a bit longer than I expected partially because I didn't have a name for my company and partially because I had no products to sell. This probably wasn't the best way to start off being a business owner but that's kind of what happens when you decide to walk in blind... you stumble.
I stumbled quite a lot. I think I spent more time catching myself from falling than I actually did building a business. In the beginning Times Lost Art or "TLA" as I like to refer to it now was more of a daydream while I was working at my "real" job than anything else. Case and point, I came up with the name for my business one day at work while I was washing my hands at the bathroom sink. Really inspirational stuff going on there, I mean REALLY!
I was big into cross-stitching and embroidery back then so that's what I decided to start making to sell in my Etsy shop. BIG MISTAKE! Anyone who has done any kind of embroidery can tell you first hand that it is extremely time consuming and you will never, ever, I REPEAT, never, ever be able to sell your embroidery for a price suitable enough to make up for the time you spent creating the piece itself.
And so I went on for a few years drifting in and out of the idea of starting my own business. My failures continually outweighing my successes. I was running out of drive and ambition and slowly but surely falling into the trap of living an ordinary, creativeless existence (if that is even a word).
Now working for a living isn't the only thing that can effect one's creativity. As with anyone's life, people can have an effect on it as well. Friends and lovers can appear and disappear as if by magic or at least that is how it feels sometimes. My artwork and designs were at a standstill, I was bored of spending so many hours cross-stitching even though I had become quite good at it. It was at that point that I decided to turn my attention to a newer hobby, one that didn't take quite as much focus and was quicker to execute... knitting.
I had taught myself how to knit a couple of years prior by watching YouTube videos of all things. (FYI - New Stitch A Day is an amazing website with numerous tutorial videos that I still reference all the time. I find them extremely easy to follow especially if you are a beginner knitter.) I found that I enjoy knitting very much. It is calming and relaxing and at the same time rewarding because you get to make something from literally nothing. You are essentially tying knots in a skein of yarn to turn into a garment. When you think of it in such layman's terms it really puts a new perspective on something that up until a few years ago I, myself, never considered an art form.
It wasn't until after my son was born, however, that I got this crazy idea to take that art form and start designing my own patterns. Up until that point it had never occurred to me to design my own, I had just been contented enough to follow someone else's knitting pattern. Once I had my baby, however, I had someone to make things for and the drive and ambition I had thought I'd lost came back in full force.
My very first design was created shortly after Halloween 2017. My son and I are avid Batman fans but do you think I could find a bat toque? I looked everywhere in town and nothing. For it being Halloween where bats and ghosts and pumpkins are supposed to be abundant I was sorely disappointed. I had never made a toque before let alone used more than one colour of yarn at a time. Knitting in the round was something new to me as well but I was persistent. After about the third go around I finally managed to hammer out a basic design that was wearable. At this point my then 8 month old was so over trying on hats that he would pout every time I came near him with one.
Being able to make something for him was exactly the inspiration I needed because shortly after that nine more baby toque designs followed. I finally had a clear vision of what Times Lost Art was supposed to be. It wasn't the same vision I'd had when I began and for that I am thankful. I followed the road to fashion not by choice but by love, the love I had for my little "Gremlin". Now it was time to take that love and build a brand.
Gabrielle Vansteelandt
Times Lost Art
#knitting#knitblr#knitters of tumblr#knitwear#knitpatterns#babyknits#fashion#knittedfashion#handknit#handmade#knittingpatterns#timeslostart
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NOTE - THIS CHARACTER IS A WORK IN PROGRESS; ACTUAL BIO COMING OUT WHEN IM NOT EXHAUSTED FROM WORK.
)▬▬ BASIC INFO ▬▬(
• Name: Stevie A. Nicks
• Nicknames and Aliases: Anna, Savannah
• Species: Human
• Powers: Stand- Junkhead
• Alignment: True Neutral
• Date of Birth: December 13th
• Gender: Female
• Hometown: Tokyo, Japan
• Relatives: Unnamed Father [DECEASED; Died from Brain Cancer], Unnamed Mother [DECEASED; Murdered]
• Occupation: Shipping Company Owner [Former], Gambler [Currently]
• Equipment: Sewing Scissors and Thread
• Status: Alive
▪︎ Part 3 - Age : 33
▪︎ Part 4 - Age : 45
▪︎ Part 5 - Age : 47
▪︎ Part 6 - 56
▪︎ Stand Name - Junkhead
▪︎ Stand Power - Red String Manipulation: User can create, shape and manipulate the red string of fate, an invisible conceptual string that bonds souls together. They can create an limitless amount of red strings and extend them at any distance and the strings never tear apart, as it is practically indestructible. They can make the red strings become visible and touchable for others, and also choose to apply changes to anyone's soul, and as well control the relationship of those bonded by the strings, or even completely remove their bond.
▪︎ Stand Stats
Power - A [Not "Attack" wise; This is catered to the effectiveness of Junkhead]
Speed - D
Range - D
Durability - C
Precision - A
Potential - B
▬▬ PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION ▬▬
Height: 5’7’’
Weight: 152 LBs
Body Shape: Hourglass
Natural Hair Color: Platinum Blonde
Dyed Hair Color: N/A
Eye Color: Blue
Ethnicity: Japanese American
Skin Tone: Porcelain
▬▬ PSYCHOLOGIC DESCRIPTION ▬▬
Personality Type: The Commander (ENTJ)
Personality Type Description: Commanders are natural-born leaders. People with this personality type embody the gifts of charisma and confidence, and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. However, Commanders are also characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination and sharp minds to achieve whatever end they’ve set for themselves. Perhaps it is best that they make up only three percent of the population, lest they overwhelm the timider and sensitive personality types that make up much of the rest of the world – but we have Commanders to thank for many of the businesses and institutions we take for granted every day.
If there’s anything Commanders love, it’s a good challenge, big or small, and they firmly believe that given enough time and resources, they can achieve any goal. This quality makes people with the Commander personality type brilliant entrepreneurs, and their ability to think strategically and hold a long-term focus while executing each step of their plans with determination and precision makes them powerful business leaders. This determination is often a self-fulfilling prophecy, as Commanders push their goals through with sheer willpower where others might give up and move on
Personality Trait Strengths:
Efficient – Commanders see inefficiency not just as a problem in its own right, but as something that pulls time and energy away from all their future goals, an elaborate sabotage consisting of irrationality and laziness. People with the Commander personality type will root out such behavior wherever they go.
Energetic – Rather than finding this process taxing Commanders are energized by it, genuinely enjoying leading their teams forward as they implement their plans and goals.
Self-Confident – Commanders couldn’t do this if they were plagued by self-doubt – they trust their abilities, make known their opinions, and believe in their capacities as leaders.
Strong-Willed – Nor do they give up when the going gets tough – Commander personalities strive to achieve their goals, but really nothing is quite as satisfying to them as rising to the challenge of each obstacle in their run to the finish line.
Strategic Thinkers – Commanders exemplify the difference between moment-to-moment crisis management and navigating the challenges and steps of a bigger plan, and are known for examining every angle of a problem and not just resolving momentary issues, but moving the whole project forward with their solutions.
Charismatic and Inspiring – These qualities combine to create individuals who are able to inspire and invigorate others, who people actually want to be their leaders, and this in turn helps Commanders to accomplish their often ambitious goals that could never be finished alone.
Personality Trait Weaknesses:
Stubborn and Dominant – Sometimes all this confidence and willpower can go too far, and Commanders are all too capable of digging in their heels, trying to win every single debate and pushing their vision, and theirs alone.
Intolerant – “It’s my way or the highway” – People with the Commander personality type are notoriously unsupportive of any idea that distracts from their primary goals, and even more so of ideas based on emotional considerations. Commanders won’t hesitate a second to make that fact clear to those around them.
Impatient – Some people need more time to think than others, an intolerable delay to quick-thinking Commanders. They may misinterpret contemplation as stupidity or disinterest in their haste, a terrible mistake for a leader to make.
Arrogant – Commander personalities respect quick thoughts and firm convictions, their own qualities, and look down on those who don’t match up. This relationship is a challenge for most other personality types who are perhaps not timid in their own right, but will seem so beside overbearing Commanders.
Poor Handling of Emotions – All this bluster, alongside the assumed supremacy of rationalism, makes Commanders distant from their own emotional expression and sometimes downright scornful of others’. People with this personality type often trample others’ feelings, inadvertently hurting their partners and friends, especially in emotionally charged situations.
Cold and Ruthless – Their obsession with efficiency and unwavering belief in the merits of rationalism, especially professionally, makes Commanders incredibly insensitive in pursuing their goals, dismissing personal circumstances, sensitivities, and preferences as irrational and irrelevant.
Personality Type in Relationships:
As in other areas of their lives, Commanders approach dating and relationships with a set of goals and a plan to achieve them, and proceed to do so with impressive energy and enthusiasm. People with the Commander personality type are in it to win, and will gladly take leading roles in relationships from the start, assuming personal responsibility for how smoothly things go and working actively to ensure a mutually rewarding experience. Romantic relationships are a serious business, and Commanders are in it for the long haul. This sense of personal responsibility means that Commanders put a lot of energy into their relationships, and they show their creativity by always having something new on the agenda to keep things interesting, especially in the dating phase. At the same time though, Commander personalities keep their eyes on the long term, and if they determine that a relationship is heading towards a dead end, they will cut their losses and move on in what will seem to their partner an abrupt end to the attention they had been receiving.
Personality Stats:
Mind (This trait determines how we interact with our environment.): 56% Extraverted, 44% Introverted
Energy (This trait shows where we direct our mental energy.): 69% Intuitive, 31% Observant
Nature (This trait determines how we make decisions and cope with emotions.): 40% Feeling, 60% Thinking
Tactics (This trait reflects our approach to work, planning and decision-making.): 60% Judging, 40% Prospecting
Identity (This trait underpins all others, showing how confident we are in our abilities and decisions.): 75% Turbulent, 25% Assertive
▬▬ Story ▬▬
My father was also a respectable man. A archeologist. And I, a archeologists' eldest daughter and heir. He not only owned a shipping company, he was a close relative of a government official, who was called upon when aid was needed, and also cared for the museum in Osaka-- where we were often stayed at in the summer. As his heir, I was expected to learn much and so, I had my own private tutor that lived with us.
When summer came to pass, we went back Tokyo. In Tokyo, I saw these lovely things... these paintings. I fell in love with their design, and took up the hobby of Ukiyo-e painting. I practiced and practiced, giving father small gifts every once in awhile. He made it even more clear that I should not interact with the outside world all too often, as he did not know I was honing this new-found skill for the purpose I had intended to use it for.
He did however, notice I had begun training my eye for the paint right after passing through the marketplace on multiple occasions, wondering and dreading with his beloved daughter would whip up next. I could see things you wouldn't believe; Red strings connected to every little thing with little dates etched into them... For as long as I could remember, I could see everything of this nature just dangling freely for me and only me to take. I treasured these moments the most, this innocence in my abilities.
I can remember everything so vividly down to an exact date and exact time in which my marriage that lasted a month or so, was quick to fall apart. I had just gotten into the gambling scene heavily at 25 years old and, undoubtedly so, I had made friends as well as enemies; It was no secret I was a rich mans daughter and heir that simply had too much time and cash on their hands to blow it all so I became a center of attention. What few had tried approaching me in Hope's of romantic interest, did so in groups, only interested in my cash or my body; Everyone except for him, or so I thought.
He was charming, handsome even, and he was like a god in my eyes for he made me feel special and loved... So when he proposed, I thought nothing of it and accepted him into my heart immediately. He was eager and I was nervous. The time spent before our marriage was a month long and I had-- at the time-- no idea why. I loved him and he loved me, so why wait? By the end of that month we had waited... we married in Denmark.
The chapel was empty on my side, so his friends (and only ‘friends’ showed up) had spread out evenly. I was not accustomed to this practice, and so we had to go over it a few times... I probably frustrated them. I would find out, much later than I would have liked, exactly why he wanted to wait sooo badly~.
My body, it was on the floor and it was oh so limp. I could feel it, suffocation as blood clogged every airway possible. So limp, yet I mustered the strength to write one thing in hoping--praying!-- that I wasn’t alone. That he would be discovered. That I could be saved.
‘Him’
“Oh trust me... no one is going to find you.”
With that, that dutch bastard left me to die alone, gagging on my blood. And the fool had the audacity to step over me as I was in the process of drowning in my own pool of blood and puke on the floor in the bedroom, blood slipping between my fingers from the wounds peppering my stomach and face. Before leaving through the door, he stoked a flame to his pipe... and smiled down at me “Thanks for the inhe.....”
I can remember blacking out and, somehow, by some miracle, I was alive; My ribs were cracked, left hand fractured and I had various damage to my face from the blunt object which he had chosen to bludgeon me with but... I was alive. It stirred something in me, like I had cheated the inevitable when in actuality a friend of his hand stopped by to drop off a box of camping supplies...
He planned to break my bones and stuff me in a trunk to better hide me in the nearby woods easier.
MORE TO BE ADDED
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Luces’ 2019 Fanfic Round-up
I might do an end-of-the-year thing reflecting on the year in my personal life and Tumblr life, too, but first I’m going to do a masterpost of the stuff I wrote this year because I’m all about that shilling your creative works life. I suppose this is kind of a writing version of those year-end posts that artists do, giving their favorite or best pieces from each month.
March 2019: I ran the first annual @clenny-week from March 25-31, 2019, and although I wasn’t able to do a fic for each day, I managed to complete 4/7 prompts. I thank everyone who participated in that week, and I hope to see you for Clenny Week 2020. ^^
Santa Daddy - Clyde/Kenny - Rated M - The main four are back in town for winter break and Cartman challenges Kenny to sit on the mall Santa’s lap (and ask for a dirty gift). The mall Santa happens to be Clyde, who had a crush on Kenny in high school.
Pinot Noir - Clyde/Kenny - Rated T - Clyde is nervous as he and Kenny go out on their fifth date, as he's decided to finally confess that he has a ten year old daughter.
The Princess of Mischief - Clyde/Kenny - Rated T - Princess Kenny has been captured by the Dark Lord Clyde. Everything was going according to plan...until an unexpected visitor makes Clyde break character.
I’ll Always Be Here - Clyde/Kenny - Rated M - It's the one year anniversary of Kenny's death, and Clyde is not coping well. Meanwhile, in Hell, Kenny is given a special Deathday wish candle by Satan, allowing him to make a wish that is guaranteed to come true. He wishes to spend one more day with his husband.
August 2019: This year, the South Park fandom on Tumblr really blew up with theme weeks! The upside to this is that people are taking charge of their favorite ships/characters, especially underrated ones, and using the platform to try to bring together others who enjoy those. The downside is that the more weeks there are, the more overlap there is, and people have to pick and choose which to do. Also, there can be burn-out. I felt a lot of writing burn out after Clenny Week, and I didn’t really write anything publicly for the majority of the spring/summer. (I’ll get into what I mean by “publicly” later.) @tweekweek and @clydeweekis-canon both got me out of my writing funk a little bit, as I managed to write two one-shots that allowed me to explore concepts/characters that I don’t use often.
Tweek’s New Project - Tweek/Craig (but NOT the focus) - Rated T -When the stress of life and work get to be too much, Tweek likes to retreat to his den where he can work on arts and crafts and practice mindfulness and meditation. He is particularly excited about this new project, and waiting all day to work on it is torture.
Tell Me I’m Pretty - Bebe/Clyde - Rated T - Bebe Stevens always presents herself with confidence and style, but even the strongest of women can break sometimes. Clyde thinks she’s perfect, no matter what.
October 2019: In October, I finally published the fic I wrote for the first zine I participated in, South Park: Growing Up. I wrote this story at the very beginning of 2019, the zine was sold digitally in March 2019, and then I didn’t write or Tumblr much after that. ^^()
Snow Is Hell - General - Rated G - Snow. Poets and artists and songwriters of Christmas songs may try to convince people that it's always pure, fluffy, and delightful, but those who live where snow is commonplace know the truth. A field of freshly fallen snow is not “a marshmallow world”. It's a battlefield. At least it is for the children of South Park, Colorado. A Saturday morning of peacefully playing in the snow, making snowmen and sledding, can quickly devolve into a battle for school yard supremacy.
December 2019: December means the holiday season, which means holiday themed fanfiction. This year, I was able to finish a WIP from 2018 that I had started for @cryde-week, and I participated in @craigandthoseguys-week Secret Santa event, writing a D&D themed one-shot for @nokoikoi-draws.
Your Voice - Clyde/Craig - Rated M - At his company Christmas party, Craig watches Clyde's co-workers surprise him by showing him they've learned ASL so they can better communicate with him. Feeling ashamed (and a little jealous) that he's never learned ASL despite having a mute boyfriend who uses it, Craig decides to spend the year taking classes so that he can surprise Clyde with it next Christmas.
Dungeons and Flagons (of Cocoa) - Craig/Tweek (but not the focus) - Rated T - It's Christmas Eve and the adults are all out at some boring Christmas party. Clyde is bored, so he invites his best bros over for a Christmas-themed D&D one-shot campaign.
Ongoing fics: Sooo...this year wasn’t great for my ongoing fics. ^^() Back at the end of January, it had been one year since I had started Dumb Boys, I had 12 chapters completed, and I stated that I wanted to focus on it more so that I could do better than a one-chapter a month average. That didn’t happen. ^^() Also I had started a multi-chapter Creek band AU at the end of 2018, but then didn’t update for months. So in 2019, I managed to update two new chapters to the band AU over the summer, and three chapters to Dumb Boys. Needless to say, I neglected my children. =/
Dumb Boys - Clyde/Kenny - Rated E - It's senior year at Park County High and Clyde Donovan is ready to cement his legacy as the number one guy in the school. He's already one of the school's football stars so it shouldn't be difficult, except that Kenny McCormick, the lead snare drummer for the marching band, seems to be taking that spot without even trying. In order to determine once and for all who is the top guy, Clyde decides to challenge Kenny to a contest of who can have sex with the most people in a semester.
He’s With the Band - Tweek/Craig - Rated E - Tweek is the lead singer for the up-and-coming band Humble Folx, but when he's not performing on stage, he's somewhat reclusive, and he always refuses to join his bandmates in interviews. Craig Tucker is a 23 year old music journalist who can't quite catch a break. He's hung up on his ex and his career at Treble and Bass magazine isn't headed in any real direction. That is until he's offered the chance to go on tour with Humble Folx and get the exclusive interview with Tweek.
Unpublished fics (aka fics for fanzines): In addition to “Snow Is Hell”, I also wrote fics for two other fanzines over the summer. (I had to focus what little writing energy I had on them, which is why my ongoing fics were so neglected.) I wrote “Duality” for the Creek zine @adealandadevilzine, which if anyone has the digital copy and has read the fic, I hope you enjoyed my attempt at writing high fantasy. Hard copies should be going out in the spring, so once we get the okay, I’ll be putting it on AO3, so expect a lot more shilling then. I also wrote two fics for the upcoming @crennynationzine (follow for more info!), a sfw story called “The Games We Play” and a nsfw follow-up/sequel called “A Two Player Game”.
WIPs: Finally, I’m going to mention a handful of fics I started this year and will hopefully finish at some point in my lifetime. ^^() “Getting His Just Desserts” is a fic I started for @bottomcraigweek with like 5 Craig ships involved. “The Long Haul” is a Twyde fic where Clyde is a truck driver and Tweek is a server at a roadside diner. “Chicken Soup for the Eldritch Soul” is a Clenny fic where Clyde makes chicken soup for a sick Kenny...but doesn’t notice the body horror going on in the background. “Dr. Craig’s Miracle Tonic” is a nsfw crackfic where Dr. Craig is able to cure his patients with the power of his penis. Finally, I wrote like 300 words for “Born to Run”, the Natural Born Killers AU Creek fic I’ve waxed poetic about for two years.
Total words written in 2019 (not including unpublished works): 53,901
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2016 | 2017 | 2018
*quietly sneaks back in*... Happy New THIS Year, my dear followers! In Estonia, we have this saying that if you wish someone a 'happy new year' after Three Kings' Day (the 6th of January), you gotta have a bottle of alcohol with you and give them a drink. *lol*
Anyways, I would like to apologize for the sudden disappearance that happened prior to Christmas. I was just busy travelling back home for the holidays, unpacking and putting away my stuff, watching some great, traditional movies or shows on TV, and most importantly, working on those 2 latest masterpieces that I posted (which barely got 30 notes each.. *sigh*).
But as you can (and probably will) see, the year of the yellow earth pig (i.e. my dad's year) was a rollercoaster of emotions and accomplishments, or lacking thereof.
My creative side seems to have suffered the most due to lack of leisure time. I only managed to finish 3 full digital drawings and left behind several sketches or unfinished WIPs (2 of which are revealed here under the months of June and November for the first time, I intend to finish the Korrasami one btw). At least I got to start 2020 with a completed drawing on the very 1st day, ha-ha! Perhaps that's a good omen for this year?
If so, then I hope I'll find the time to finish the rest of the 2019 Inktober prompts, since I only did 4/31 this past October (even though I'd thought of ideas for all of them). I brought all the necessary drawing utensils and sheets of paper with me, so whenever I'm in the mood, I'll try to sketch another one.
*calculates for the nth time*.. I wrote 18,110 words worth of fanfiction, plus 820 words for the UYLD prompts (making the total 18,930). Technically, you can count another 8k+ in there, since it comes from that unfinished story (of Aang taking care of a flu-ridden Katara, as illustrated by the September sketch), which I haven't finished within the last 4 months or so. Plus, I barely wrote 1/5 of the amount compared to 2018.. *hides in shame*
Then again, I was an excellent pupil for picking up an actual book and reading through 150+ pages (which means I have ~300 pages to go). I'm talking about the new Kyoshi novel that came out. As I once said, I haven't voluntarily read a book in years make that 2 years ago (most of the reading I've done in my life is either Tom & Jerry comics, now the Avatar comic trilogies and art books as well as fanfiction online, or compulsory reading during school). But this novel is freaking fantastic superb!
Not only that, I bought all the new comic trilogies and managed to read them through. Damn, did they give me feels.. especially "Ruins of the Empire" (ngl I squeed so hard when I saw the Korrasami farewell kiss on the 1st page of the 2nd part). I can't wait to read the 3rd part this year!
However, I failed to rewatch Avatar last year, and I haven't seen Korra since.. 2016, I believe? Wow, that's 4 whole years.. But I intend to fix that mistake starting from 2020. Hopefully I'm in the mood to start my rewatch this weekend tonight. *fingers crossed*
But as I said, I had much less time to focus on my hobbies since 2019 was the year for finally moving on with my life (sort of, I'm still working on it). I still remember how down I'd been feeling for a while and how valid those emotions really were. The first quarter of the year (+ like a month or two) was a continuous descent into desperation and feelings of utter failure, which already started around the 2nd half of 2018 and only continued to deepen around that time.
Everything began to change when I was first chosen to be part of a 2-month summer internship in an IT company, and I had to start building a new nest in a new location in Tallinn this May. And now, I feel like I've hit the jackpot by getting a permanent job in another IT company this October.
I got the opportunity to work in two different fields, in two different teams within a year. I met some awesome colleagues (a lot of whom are foreigners) and got the chance to really put my English skills to the test.
Thanks to the new job, I also had to go to a free health check, which went really-really well. Despite my nervousness in the beginning, I feel much more relaxed about my physical (and mental) health, cause the results showed that everything's okay (something I'd been worried about since March 2017).
Speaking of health or staying healthy, there were a few sports events that I went to, too. Our team held the first winter team event (it was the first one for me, at least) by going to do archery in a range on the outskirts of the capital.
I watched the football match between 2 teams of our local league at my hometown together with my dad on his birthday. Our home team won the match and came in 4th place overall in the league this year, which is their best result so far (I'm really proud!). And merely days before I started work, I visited the Tallinn International Horse Show for the first time (also with my dad). I last got to watch horses jump over fences or dance to their musical programs ~ 10 years ago, and I loved it!
Event-wise 2019 was pretty full of them. As has become tradition, I went to the Defence Forces parade on our 101st Independence Day (which seemed rather bleak compared to the centennial, even more so since we didn't have ANY snow at the time).
What will hopefully become new traditions, I visited the television tower on the Restoration of Independence Day (where Uku Suviste gave a free concert in the evening), and went to the Veteran's Rock concert (to honour our war veterans) on our Freedom Square on the 23rd of April (since I'm residing in the capital now, I should be able to go again this year).
To continue with the centennial celebrations (yes, some things are STILL turning 100), I saw and explored inside the armoured train no. 7 called "Wabadus" ("Freedom") in the Baltic Station. This armoured train was one of the keys that led our country to victory during the War of Independence from 1918-1920.
There was an even bigger (150th) anniversary to celebrate in the beginning of July, when I attended our Song and Dance Festival. This was a really important, if not the biggest event of the year. I intend to make a longer post about my experience, cause it's something that you foreigners need to see for yourself. I can't simply describe or put it into words, I have to show you some videos and photos.
But while we're on the topic of concerts, I should mention that I went to 2 more at the beginning of June - Bon Jovi and Sting - as well as 2 that were part of Christmas tours in December - Elina Nechayeva and Rolf Roosalu.
Besides that, I went to 6 different festivals, half of which I'd been to several times before, such as the Türi Flower Fair, Jäneda Farm Days (where I went on my first helicopter ride for my 25th birthday present) and the Christmas market in the Old Town of Tallinn.
The other half is comprised of festivals that I'd been considering going to for a while, or which took place for the first time. The latter applies to the Black Food Festival, whereas the "Valgus Kõnnib" ("Wandering Lights") and the duck rally, both of which took place in Kadriorg, fall under the first category.
The duck rally is a charity event held in the beginning of June. Regular people can buy at least one (or several) rubber bath duckies for different prices, which will then be dumped into a tiny stream that'll carry them towards the finish line. This event has grown more popular each year, and the money the Estonian Association of Parents of Children with Cancer (sorry, long name in English!) collects is donated to the Cancer Treatment Fund.
*wipes forehead*.. Phew! I'm surprised, that's a whole lotta positivity for 2019. I think there's one more important, but seriously negative topic I haven't covered yet, but I feel should be mentioned and explained.
When it comes to politics, 2019 was a complete disaster for us. EKRE (Eesti Konservatiivne Rahvaerakond in Estonian, or Estonia's Conservative People's Party in English) i.e. our populist/nazi/pro-Trump party is in the government as of April 2019, thanks to 100,000+ idiots (out of our population of 1.3 million) who voted for them and gave them 19/101 seats in the Parliament.
No, I am NOT going to apologize for calling them a nazi party, because their main leaders have repeatedly supported ideology that's common to nazis (they use aggressive rhetoric, blame the media for making them look bad, downgrade women, minorities, are racist, anti-semitic etc...). And I will not apologize in front of the people who voted for them, because "thanks" to this, EKRE has dragged our country's reputation straight through a mud puddle (not to mention the scandals that have accompanied 5 of their ministers, 3 of who have THANKFULLY stepped down from their positions) and.. *swears like the British*.. it's BLOODY EMBARRASSING.
I am done being nice, I have at least some kind of prejudice about anyone who supports them or their ideals. And I will certainly not let Estonia end up like America. So that is why I participated in two protest events against EKRE and our current government (because the 2 other parties, who were willing to form the coalition with them, are spineless jellyfish that simply seek to hold onto their current positions of power). I'm willing to take bets as to when our government falls (the sooner the better).
*shakes off the frustration*.. Brrr! So besides that, I guess the only downside to 2019 was my spare time falling back in the list of priorities (which shows in the empty square of July).
2020 is gonna be the year of the white metal rat. I can only hope (and take action so) that it'll be just as eventful, and much more creative than 2019. Thank you all for following me (or lurking anonymously) for so long, especially to the bloggers who've offered me support through better or worse! *raises a glass* Here's to 2020!.. *sip*
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How I stopped caring about comments: A rambly post by me
This is rambly so hold onto your seats, I apologies.
I’ve been thinking a lot about comment/review culture in the last few months, particularly after returning to a brand new fandom as a writer and regular content creator. Maybe this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while, maybe not, but I wanted to share my thoughts on the way I perceive comments, how it’s changed for me since I’ve been in fandom and I’d love to hear from other people what their opinion is and how they relate to comments on their work.
I’ve been creating content in fandom spaces for about eleven years now. I started out on YouTube when I joined my first fandom, Merlin, and I made my first fanvideos in 2009. In December of 2009, I published my first fanfiction, plus one sequel which remains unfinished as well as a few other smaller projects. In October of 2010, I published my first podfic and would go on to publish two more. My focus in fandom had always been YouTube, where I regularly created fanvideos. My schedule was never consistent, as with most vidders back in the day, but I’d be comfortable in saying I posted regularly discounting three unintentional hiatuses, one in 2013 following the Merlin finale, one in 2015 probably due to a lack of inspiration and one in 2017 after what I was sure was going to be my permanent comeback to YouTube, only for my hard drive to break and delete all my footage yeeeeeey.
I’ve now made an actual, official return to my original platform, this time creating videos for my new passion and fandom: anime. Since February of 2020 I’ve also been regularly publishing fic and have no desire to stop doing so. I’m thoroughly invested in new fandom spaces again and am engaging with its fans and the content.
But the one thing I have seen change drastically in my approach to things is commenting, following and general engagement.
Let’s take a step back.
When I first started posting content, comments were not something I even had in my consciousness. I think I knew YouTube comments existed, but I didn’t really pay attention to it. I didn’t even know what subscribers were until I started hearing other people talk about them and then I suddenly felt like it’s something I should be keeping an eye on myself.
In a centuries old vlog of mine that is now private on my channel, I noticed that when I hit 100 subscribers, I made a video thanking everyone because I was so excited that with more subscribers, I was going to “make more friends.” Oh dear xD
But the truth is, I have been consistently and chronically bad at keeping up with or caring about the analytics of my various platforms. It wasn’t till writing this post today that I went to check my FF.net account to see how many comments my first two Merlin fics ever got. I still couldn’t tell you my exact number of YouTube or Ao3 subscribers, how many hits or kudos my fic have and I don’t think I’ve ever checked my bookmarks for notes, or whatever you’re able to leave on there.
Commenting culture on YouTube, for all my joking earlier, was primarily about connection, at least back then. Most of the old guard have moved on and those who have remained are now vidding in other fandoms. The social aspect of YouTube in my opinion has changed dramatically since I was at my peak output on there, but I remember how interactive the comments sections used to be. They literally were, where you made friends.
A couple of years ago, me and a friend of mine started a Merlin podcast called Merlisten. We created it for fun and without many expectations of what might come out of it. And it was this that changed my relationship with commenting for good.
Doing Merlisten felt, for the first time in a long time, like pure creativity and passion without anyone’s permission. We always encouraged people to leave feedback as one does, but I don’t think either of us expected to get much, if any. Even considering the incredible support we’ve received with feedback coming in almost every single episode now, there is still a clear and overwhelming gap between the amount of comments given to an episode of Merlisten, to one of my old fanvids or fics. It’s even more interesting when one considers how much more effort and time went into creating Merlisten compared to say, editing or writing, at least for me personally. The amount of man hours spent on creating one 2.5 hour episode from pre-production to final posting often outweighs any other video or chapter I’ve created. Not always, but often.
What struck me as interesting, however, was that even though comments weren’t always consistent and I always love and continue to love reading them, it’s not what was fuelling me to work hard on this project. I was doing it because I adored it and I knew it was something I was proud to put into the world.
And that literally changed everything.
I think for a long time, I was always trying to cater my art to what might get the most attention or please the widest demographic of people. It’s how you think when you’re young and you don’t know any better. But for the first time, I was creating something on my own terms that I had no idea if anyone would even listen to and the actual creative process of making said art was ten times more rewarding than any single comment I could ever read. Which really, what I realised, is what art is supposed to be. I can safely say that if Merlisten didn’t get a single comment from here on in, I would still want to see it to its conclusion for one very simple reason: Because I had something to share.
This brings me to my recent return to writing fic in fandom and it’s not a decision I’ve regretted for a second. More than anything, I’ve realised how personal art can really be, especially when it’s in writing. I’ve found it revealing and cathartic and fascinating in a way that I didn’t ever imagine.
But more importantly, I’ve realised that the real beauty for me in engaging in art is the ability to get an emotional response from it or to relate to it. And that goes for both other people’s work and my own. I can feel just as invested in my own work as someone else’s and that’s not because I think my work is amazing, it’s because I know it’s come from something that was living in me. When I put something out there that I made with my own two hands, that feeling now trumps any sort of feedback I could possibly get and that’s the endorphin I live off.
Don’t mistake this for me not liking comments, that’s obviously not true. My brain gets the same dopamine hit as anyone’s when I get a notification for something or other, but I’ve realised that I have a very specific relationship with comments that I definitely didn’t have before, if my requests for review on FF.net is anything to go by.
Now, what I find exciting and thrilling is the thought that, if writing this fic got this sort of emotional response out of me, the writer, I wonder if there are other people out there who think the same way I do? Who have a similar way of experiencing joy or suffering or humour or who like the same things as me? That, is an insanely invigorating feeling. And then when someone chooses to take time out of their day to tell you that what came from your head is the same sort of way they feel about life? That’s not a comment, that’s not feedback, that’s a connection you have with another person. And that’s where I start to get excited. And it’s taken me this fucking long to realise it.
Honestly, I was really worried upon returning to writing and vidding this year that my experience working in digital marketing, where everything is about numbers and social media is all about engagement and nothing else, that I would be overwhelmed and not be able to switch off the part of my brain that’s been trained to think like that. I’m so relieved that that’s not the case.
As previously mentioned, I suck at giving a shit about analytics and looking at my own stats. I couldn’t give a flying fuck. But I did just go and check my YouTube videos since returning back to vidding. Not a single one of them has views over 200 at this point. Most have less than 100. My most viewed video on YouTube has 57,000 views. And the thing is, there might have been a time when I looked at that and thought, well, this means I suck. This means I can’t make art. This means there’s no point to it.
But no, that's not true.
The point is not how many people see it, how many people like it, how many people comment on it. The point is that I made it. I’m going to continue making YouTube videos despite the fact that the algorithm will destroy any chances they have at getting engagement or views. Even if not one single person comments on them. Because when I’ve finally rendered a new video, or finished proof reading a new chapter, I feel so fucking happy that everything else is just window dressing to me now.
Because not only is online engagement and following such a stab in the dark these days anyway with algorithms changing and trends moving constantly, but this is the real truth about comments, following and feedback:
The truth is, I don’t need a stranger on the internet to praise me so that I can feel good about my art. The day that I start doing that, I’ve already lost. I used to think that way on a regular basis. Guess what, it didn’t make me produce better art. It didn’t make my life better. Because being validated by others never does. It doesn’t matter how many keysmashes I might get or how many sonnets or kind words, because If I don’t like what I create, there isn’t a single human being on the planet who will make me like it, no matter what they say or how they say it. For others, this might not be the case. But this is my reality.
I know this, because I recently speed-wrote and published a fic for a fanweek. I wrote 13k in about 8hrs. So far, it’s received nothing but positive words. But it doesn’t matter. After I published it, I had a crisis about how it wasn’t good enough, that there should have been an extra arc, that it ended too quickly, that there wasn’t a climax. Even as the comments came in, it didn’t change my mind. Because other people’s comments will never really lead to fulfilment.
I want you all to know that I get emotional over every single comment that is sent to me. Every personal story, ever keysmash and heartfelt thoughtful message that took the time to analyse my work. Connecting with you guys has been one of the biggest joys of entering this fandom. But it’s not going to be what fuels me to create and to carry on doing the best work I can. All I can do is treat it as the wonderful privilege that it is, and not any part of the reason I do it.
In conclusion:
Finally, at age 27 and in the midst of enjoying fandom after a very long period of being either meh about it or lurking, I finally feel content with the fact that I want to create in order to put things out into the world that I worked hard on, that I’m passionate about and that hopefully, in whatever way it might be, it might have touched someone who feels the same things too. It makes me feel accomplished, it makes me feel like I might be contributing something small to the world and it makes me feel like maybe one other person was made happy by it. And even if they never tell me that and if no one else ever comments on what I create, or even if they comment on it in spaces that I never see; private servers, chats between friends or blogs that I don’t follow, that’s also fine. Because there’s always at least one person who is going to feel happy that she made something. And that’s me.
The short version: I never used to care about comments, then I did, and now I no longer do.
Sorry for the ramble, but I wanted this here for myself to look back upon in case my opinion ever changes on this or I ever start to lose my way again and feel overwhelmed. I’d love to hear your guys’ experiences with this sort of thing and whether you’ve ever felt bogged down by the need for feedback.
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